#ugh i need this in my pie hole

[hunterbunter3000]

Imagine a Capitan and Sergeant Mactavish threesome.

I'm-- gone. I'm gone.

HAS ANYONE DONE THIS YET? IF NOT I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE

[theblueflower05]

Mi Ti’ong(In Bloom)

A/N: Usually I try to keep my readers pretty ambiguous so that everyone can envision themselves, but this ones gonna be a little more distinct. If that isnt your jam, please dont read! No use of Y/N. Reader nicknamed Flora. Based on the character from Winx Club! And this art!

Word Count: 6k+

Warnings: Size difference kink.Mature Language. Smut. Overstimulation. Oral sex(female receiving) Neteyams a munch, it’s canon now.

Summary: Neteyam can have anyone and yet he only wants you. A small human who can usually be found among the flowers. Neteyam x Human! Reader

Sugar, honey, iced tea. Bumble bee on the scene.

Yeah I’d give up my bakery to have a piece of your pie, ugh!

-See You Again, Tyler the Creator.

The forest is alive, the beating heart of Eywa felt in each and every leaf among the trees.

Every glowing piece of flora and fauna, every creature whose calls echo through the vastness.

This time of year is special and it's as though it is known. Deeply and primitively by all. The rains had come and gone, nearly a month of bruised skies that had bogged down the village and its daily life.

But as they always do the skies cleared, and the sun made its reappearance. Glittering and glimmering- triple rainbows breaking out in kaleidoscope like figurations. Beaming down with all of it’s warmth and vitality.

The earth is well fed and fertile, the soil rich and blooming with new life.

It’s that new life that brings the talioang(water buffalo like beasts) back. The creatures return in great migrations to the lush pastures of sweet new grasses to have their babies. The fish swim upstream, battling the roaring rivers, to spawn. The fruit hangs heavy and ripe in the trees. All around there is nothing but full bellies and joy.

This period of abundance is the Great Mother’s gift to her children.

It had always been Neteyam’s favorite time of the year.

Everything lush and bursting with life, the excitement a low constant hum amongst the tribe. The Great Hunt is coming and his father had given him the okay to take lead.

In his nineteen years, he had never been appointed with so much responsibility.

Jake tells him it will all be fine, nothing but easy smiles. This will be good. A fantastic way to show the clan that he’s ready to take on the title of Olo’eyktan once his father steps down. Although he manages to keep is calm and cool demeanor in public, he’s so fucking nervous he can barley function.

It’s why he’s here, trudging through the branches.

The village is buzzing with excitement. Everyone wants a moment of his time, their voices overlap as they wish him good luck.

Question his competence as head of the hunt.

Subliminally hint that hunters twice his age have never gotten the chance to do what has been so freely handed to him.

Remind him that their daughters are pretty. Unmated. Makes the best steamed Teylu. Are fertile and willing to give him strong children-

Fuck.

The moment he could, he’d slipped away. Disappeared into the foliage and had booked it deep into the trees, desperate for a moment alone. For a moment of silence and the peace of being away from prying eyes.

He doesn't even really know where he’s going.

Only that he just needs to be away. If only for an hour. He needs to recharge his ever draining social battery, to get his head on straight before tomorrow's hunt.

Neteyam has always performed his best under pressure.

Things that made others balk and cower ignited something in him. A need to fight. To prove himself- it’s not the prospect of high adrenaline and stampeeding hooves that makes him squirm. It’s all of the attention its garnering.

He know’s fully well that being the next Olo’eyktan means that attention comes with the territory. But that doesnt mean the thought of everyones focus on him doesnt make his indigo skin crawl.

He’s leaping aimlessly between vines when he remembers his sisters earlier proposition.

“Come with me and Flora to the watering hole today! The waterfalls are so pretty during this season- We’re going to go swimming!”

It’d been tempting this morning, and now it is even more so. He could use a dip in the cool waters and Kiri was always an ear to vent to when he got overwhelmed. He’d clear head and then leave-

He wouldn't get stuck staring at you.

Again,

No.

He can't pinpoint exactly when this happened.

It was like one night you were just another human at the Outpost. Another familiar alien face he’d grown up around. Just like Spider you’d stuck close with the Sully children. Your cheeks always flushed beneath your exo-mask and your fingernails always dirty and caked with mud from the hours and hours you’d spend tending to any and all plants that came in your line of vision. You were always so soft. Too soft for his liking sometimes. You’d cry at just about anything whether it be one of those old Tawtute movies the scientists played at the lab or the sight of an injured shimmyfly.

And then suddenly gone was that snotty, teary little girl he’d always known. And in her place was…you. A woman grown. Beautiful and bold- and there was strength in your softness now. You’d proved him wrong so many times- made it clear that you weren't another responsibility he’d have to shoulder-

“I can take care of myself, Neteyam” you’d insisted, never letting him carry your heavy baskets or tend to your scraped knees.

It’s maddening, the way that you shrug off any and all of his advances drives him fucking insane.

Neteyam approaches the secluded bank of the watering hole that his family loves best slowly, keeping in the treeline. Just out of sight. Just like he’d expected he finds you and Kiri on the familiar sands. Kiri is lounging in the sun, eyes closed and humming a pleasant tune to herself-oblivious to anything around her. He’d have to chastise her about her complete lack of situational awareness later.

You’re knee deep in the lake- tending to the water lilies that grow close to shore. Your back is to him but he bets your nose is all scrunched up, just like it always is when you’re around anything green and growing. His eyes drink you in greedily. All of your sun kissed skin is on display in the tiny faded pink panties you don for swimming.

He’d never found humans particularly pretty before you. The intense differences in their bodies had never appealed to him-

But Eywa, are you something to look at.

Time had been kind to you, and as you’d grown your body had morphed into something goddess like. You’re a real looker, his father had claimed. Would’ve been a total knockout back on Earth.

You’re all plush curves. Your breasts are pert and sit like rip hanging fruit on your chest, your hips wide and thighs jiggly and thick. And your waist…he’s sure if he put his much larger hands around them, his fingers could touch. He could cage you in his hold.

That thought has him biting his tongue, hard enough to taste metallic. You turn a bit, your laughter chiming over the glittering water like soft wind at some dry joke Kiri made.

Your hair color is light, lighter than any Na’vi’s and falls down around your shoulders in thick waves. He can only make out the side of your face but your full lips are pulled into a coy smile and your light jade eyes sparkle and all hell. Neteyam is so gone on you.

You’re like nothing he’s seen and definitely nothing he’s had.

And since his Iknimaya he’s had his first pick of the women of the clan.

He’s tasted passionate huntresses and flexible dancers alike and none of them satiate his thirst. None of them are able to replicate what he can only imagine you might taste like. It’s almost pathetic how many women he’s had and how many times he’s almost called out your name as he emptied his seed.

Neteyam’s more discreet about his romps than his brother, that’s for sure- but still. It’s a known fact that he’s an unmated male at his prime and that comes with a certain appetite. He can have anyone he wants, any Omatikayan woman would be glad to spend a night with him.

Yet somehow he’s lurking, hiding in the bush. Watching you longingly. Simpering like a pre-teen and pining over the way that the sunlight plays in the strands of your hair.

He shakes himself from his embarrassing reverie.

No one would be able to tell that just moments before he’d been debating on stroking his cock to just the sight of you, lurking in the trees like a creep. No. As he approaches its with his head held high and a sharp smile on his handsome smile.

“Brother!” Kiri grins, sitting up once she clocks him.

“What are you girls up to?” Neteyam greets. Cool as a cucumber.

“Nothing much, just been here since dawn. The waters so high this year!” Kiri picks up a fruit from beside her, peeling at its tender meat “everyone’s been out here today-on the other side, but no one knows how to get to this spot so we’ve had the beach all to ourselves”

You’re coming in from the lapping shore, beaming at him “Look at all the paysul(waterlily) that’ve bloom! I’ve never seen this many- isn't it amazing?”

“They are very beautiful. The rains were hard this year. I’m surprised the flooding wasn't worse” Neteyam tries not to focus on how tiny your chest covering- the bra as you call it- is. He turns his attention to his sister instead.

“Where’s Tuk, I cant believe she’d miss a chance to swim with you guys”

“She’s with mom, stuck on weaving duty since she tore grandma’s favorite tapestry” Kiri snorts because her baby sister had thrown a complete fit when she had been told she couldn't come “What about you? I thought you we’re too busy to hang out with the likes of us”

“I was able to make a little time for my favorite girls” Neteyam jests, amused by your eye roll and Kiri’s scoff “Plus, Lo’ak told me you need some humbling. Seems you forgot who’s the best diver in the family”

“Oh, you’re on, Teylupil(penis face/dick head)”

After stripping down to only his cloth, his cumberband and com left on shore, he slips into the cool refreshing water with a pleased “Ah”. Enjoying the gentle current against his skin-only to be tacked under the surface by Kiri and all of her bony lanky limbs moments later.

The sun soaked afternoon is filled with laughter and splashing. It’s exactly what he needs.

The three of you play in the river like children. Neteyam and Kiri go at it like the always do- careful to be gentle with your smaller form as you join in. It’s easy to forget the looming pressure of the hunt while he’s jumping from the rushing waterfalls and racing his sister, discreetly preening when he wins and you cheer him on with little claps.

Eventually you all tire.

Kiri floats on the water and goes to that place in her head that she so often does. Completely at peace to be surrounded by nature. She claims it’s when she can best hear Eywa.

Neteyam keeps a bit of an eye on her to make sure she doesn't randomly fall asleep again. Hoping she’d have the sense to get back to the beach before that happened.

Water floods his face and goes right up his nose.

His head snaps to you, spluttering and wiping at his eyes, “What the hell?”

You just giggle innocently before disappearing beneath the surface.

Neteyam’s tail flicks with interest.

He decides to let you get your little head start. His heart speeds up with the promise of a hunt before he starts his chase.He might be bigger then you but you're quick and slippery. Your mask giving you the advantage of not having to come up for air like he does.

When he grabs your ankle, so sure he’s got you, you all but kick him in the face to get away.

You little shit.

Fine.

If you want to play dirty, then he’s game.

He allows you to think you have a chance. That you may be winning the little game. You’re heading for the waterfall, planning to hide behind it.

He’s bigger and more trained than you could ever hope to be.

It only takes one well planned move and you’re done.

He yanks a hold of you, secure. He holds you then, your back against his chest and his strong muscle corded arms wrapped around you from behind before propelling the both of you through the pounding waterfall and into the small, closed off cave behind it.

“Neteyam!” You whine, squirming in his hold like a fish and he just laughs because honestly. He can barely feel it. You’re trying to escape with all his might and he’s holding you the way he might hold a child throwing a tantrum.

He leans in close, burying his face in your wet hair, close to your ear “I win, Sylaung(flower)”

He feels you shiver in his arms and it just makes him hold you tighter. He could keep you like this forever, if you’d only let him. Instead he can feel without you even saying so how hesitant you feel about this

“I think I deserve a prize” he pushes on even further and you give him a confused, side ways look. He so graciously allows you to turn in his hold until your chests meet, face to face.

“Like what?” you wonder and you’re too cute. You’re looking up at him, struggling to treading water with your smaller legs- Neteyam lifts you higher, until you’re bracing your hands on his broad shoulders and he’s holding you above the current. Supporting you totally.

“Well what can you give?” His inquiry is almost condescending and you shrug.

“I’m fresh out of gold stars” you tease and he barks out a laugh. Do you think he can't tell? That he can't see the way your cheeks flush and your pulse hammers beneath the delicate skin of your throat?

“What about a kiss” he offers offhandedly and your face scrunches up in a glare automatically.

“You don't want to?...”

“Why do you make fun of me like this, Neteyam” It’s not often he hears your voice this hard, soured by embarrassment and self doubt.

“I’m not making fun of you” he insists with a sigh “I don't know why you always say that. When have I ever given you the impression that I’d do that?”

You won't meet his gaze. Your green eyes flick, anywhere but on him. Zeroing somewhere behind his back. All too interested on the rocky cave wall.

“If it wasn't for this damned mask” Neteyam husks, low and sincere “I’d kiss you right now”

Even still, you don't seem convinced. Won't look at him until he takes your face in his hand, his fingers gentle but insistent. They grip the mask at your jaw, forcing you to look at him. “Why don't you believe me?”

“I’m nothing like the Omatikaya women you’ve been with” you say plainly like it's so obvious. Like it's a problem.

“I know”

“You didn't even like me growing up. You thought I was annoying”

“That isn't true-”

“It is” you insist haughtily “you’d make fun of me for talking to my plants”

He doesn't mean to laugh, really he doesn't. It’s not the time for it and it just pisses you off even more. He doesn't let you out of his arms even when you swat at him. “Listen, I’m sorry. I think it’s very sweet the way you talk to your plants. I want you to talk to me just like that, please”

That earns him a little giggle and he feels very pleased with himself.

You play with his hair often, most times it's mindless. A way to distract yourself. Your small deft fingers twirl along his adorned braids. He craves the scritch of your manicured nails on his scalp.

“How do you want me to kiss you? If I have my mask on” The interest in your hair is only just veiled. Your attempt at being nonchalant fails.

“Hmm” Neteyam feigns thinking, face screwed up “I think I could come up with a few ideas”

A few thousand more like it. You were the star of all of his fantasies. You, twisted and contorted into positions that would surely make you blush. You, with your mouth hanging slack in pleasure. Screaming his name-

But you hadnt agreed to that. You only, just barely, agreed to let him kiss you.

When he leans in its slow. Slow enough to give you time to push him away.

The waterfall roars in the background, white noise, but even it can't drown out the thunderous beating of your frantic heart.

Then his lips are pressed against your throat, gulping in the sweet scent of you. He cant kiss your mouth, but he can kiss the sweet, smooth column of your neck. Your clavicle. Your quivering shoulders. The heavy flesh of your breast. His kisses are open mouthed, his rough textured tongue dragging over your skin, leaving saliva trails in their wake-

You gasp sharpley when drags the skimpy fabric of your bra down so he can get at your pebbled nipple. He’s just about to suckle, when the moment is broken.

“Guys! Where’d you go?!”

It’s Kiri. Obviously awake from her nap like meditation time.

Your eyes go comically wide and Neteyam reluctantly releases you. Not wanting to get caught with an armful of pretty, half naked human. He’s thankful for the cold water and the way that he can hide the hardness tenting his tweng.

He catches you by the wrist before you can dip beneath the falls-

“We’re not done here, Sylaung” the promise leaves his lips fevor laced and full of heat.

You can only gulp and nod dazed, “I still owe you a kiss” your sweet voice reminds, before you’re ducking back under the water.

Leaving him dazed and buzzing for a moment before he gets it together and follows.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Days later he still hasn't gotten his prize.

Although he’s celebrated by his clan, praised for his successful hunt, he feels like something is missing.

The Harvest Season and its celebrations are well underway. Every night there's dancing and singing around the large bonfires we’re fragrant spiced tailong meat roasts. Neteyam is highly decorated; feathers adorn his freshly braided hair and he's donned his most ornate cumberband. He’s hauntingly handsome

Spider and Lo’ak are sat near the main fire, laughing heartily and sharing a leather gourd full of liquor between themselves.

Spider’s obviously drunk and eyeing Kiri hungerly as she dances with Tuk- he’d never do that sober. Not with Neytiri so near. Lo’ak is lounged out, an attractive female in his lap. She giggles madly at whatever filth his little brother whispers in her twitching ear.

Jealousy bubbles acidicly in Neteyam’s belly and again, he wonders where you are. Why you arent here, in his lap. Letting him woo you.

He figures he’ll have to go to you then, if you won't come to him.

First thing to do is find you.

“Hey, Spider!” the human man is the best place to start. Spider’s eyes are glassy under his mask and still. His friend is excited to see him, greets him with a hand shake and a small hug.

“Neteyam, man! Where have you been all night?”

“Around, you know how it is” Neteyam shrugs, sitting sown on the log, accepting the gourd and taking a swig of the thick sticky sap inside. It burns all the way down.

“This partys essentially for him- I’m surprise you we’re able to get away from dad” Lo’ak shit-talks, like he always does. It’s good natured for the most part “I thought he might throw you a parade or something. Call in the clans-”

“Fuck you, man” Neteyam chuckles, shaking his head at Lo’aks theatrics. “Don't be jealous”

“Jealous of dad? Nah” Lo’ak “Now the women you’re getting? That I might be jealous of”

“Hey!” the girl in his lap, a weaver from a modest family, squrims, pinching at his shoulder “You’ve got all the woman you need for the night, sayrip”

She squeals when Lo’ak squeezes her tight around her middle and blows wet raspberry kisses into her neck.

Neteyam just rolls his eyes and shares a little look with Spider. By the next eclipse, Lo’ak wouldve moved on. He has a knack for loving and leaving.

“Why arent you out there, bro? I saw Amitsa giving you the eyes! She’s so hot and she doesnt ever give anyone the time of day” Spider juts his chin and sure enough. The woman is giving Neteyam longing looks from across the fire. She’s a pretty thing and her sultry voice is renowned in the tribe. He’d be lying if he said he wasnt attracted to her “You’re not gonna go try to get at that?”

No. He’s not.

“Uh” Neteyam scratches the back of his neck “I was actually looking for Flora, I havent been able to find her around lately”

Of course, that sets of a exactly what he knows it would.

His brothers are assholes and have teased his merciesly since discovering his obsessive crush. Spider knocks his much smaller shoulder against Neteyam’s and Lo’ak hoots with laughter.

“How someone can be pussy whipped for pussy they haven't even had is beyond me” Lo’ak snorts and Neteyam gives him a warning growl, his lips snarled up.

It’s nothing he hadn’t heard before.

Lo’ak finds it endlessly amusing that Neteyam had his eye on you, the tiny human he’d grown up so lukewarm about. It had always been his siblings; Kiri and Lo’ak and Tuk that were close with you growing up. Neteyam had never shown a speck of interest until your figure had grown curvy and supple-

“Piss off, I wasn’t asking you” Neteyam gives his best big brother stare down. His golden eyes hard and unimpressed before looking to Spider, hairless brows raised “You know where I could find her?”

“Listen man, she said wasn’t interested in hanging out with anyone tonight” the human man starts with a sigh and Neteyam’s growl is low and warning “-but I’m sure you can find her where she always is”

Neteyam wracks his brain for a moment “The Greenhouses?”

“Bingo” Spider nods, an almost sympathetic look in his eye as he watches Neteyam jump to his feet and set off.

Lo’ak sniggers and the girl in his lap scoffs and mutters something about “shameful, being that twisted up about a tawtute” but Spider says nothing.

Instead his plixr hazed eyes focus on the figure dancing close to the firelight. Kiri lets out a twinkling laugh at something Tuk says and yeah. Spider understands Neteyam. He understands being completely obsessed with something you’ve never had.

Instead of taking a note from his much braver brother, he lifts his mask and takes another shot of the acidic syrup.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Neteyam could make the trek through the forest to Hells Gate in his sleep..

He’d spent a good chunk of his childhood retracing these exact steps, headeded for the familiar concrete fortress that made up the last human outpost on Pandora.

Neteyam had always been far too similar to his mother, for countless reasons. But his distaste for everything industrial was one of the main reasons. As he got older he spent less and less time here. Couldnt be found in the cold echoing hallways like Lo’ak and the girls coul

But even he could admit.

There’s something beautiful about the Greenhouses.

With their dome like structure, the big glass buildings are a fortress for the humans. Inside they’re as hot and humid as the Pandoran rainforests- but circulating Earth air so that the fruits and vegetables that are native to Terra Firme can grow, even on this alien planet.

Neteyam makes his way inside, plugging in the codes into the keypad and letting himself in through the pressurized doors that slide closed right behind him. His eyes are peeled, taking in all of the foreign greenery, hoping to catch a flash of tanned skin or light hair in the cracks between trees.

The Greenhouses are huge. There’s orchards of apples and oranges and long deep garden beds full of root vegetables. Enough to feed the Hell’s Gate settlement throughout the year, to trade with the People of the Omaticaya.

No matter, he’s a blooded hunter after all.

He hones in on that training as he tracks your path. Your footprints along the cement floor are light, and really you barely leave any trace of yourself at all. You float along with light steps and Neteyam truly thinks if you had been born one of the People you would’ve made a fine huntswoman-

He finds you in the shade of the orange trees. You’re up on a stool, gathering the plump fruit and humming a pleasant little tune.

You’re ethereal in artificial sunlight.

You’re something out of the books that Norm used to read to them when they were kids. His favorite had been the one about the boy who would never grow up and the island of Neverland. And the tiny golden dust covered pixi that flitted from page to page.

A fairy.

A being not quite real. Too gentle and feminine to exist.

He likes the tawtute clothes you wear. The small top that clings to your breasts like a second skin and the flowy patterned skirt. Of course if it was up to him you’d only ever wear the garments of the People- or even better, Nothing at all.

You reach too high, strained up on your tippy toes and Neteyam feels irrational fear at that. At all of your delicate skin and breakable neck-

He’s beside you in an instant and he doesn't need a ladder to reach the high hanging fruit you’d been struggling for. He grabs the fruit with one hand while the other stabilizes you, his big palm spread out across the small of your back.

You gasp at his warm touch. Your head snapping in his direction and legs going wobbly.

“Neteyam!”

“Flora” He sighs as he urges you down from the ladder, takes the heavy bucket of fruit from your hands “You really do need to be more careful”

You splutter for a moment, still shocked at his sudden arrival “I- ugh! I was fine!” you insist haughtily “It’s not like I don't do this all of the time. You didn't need to come help me, I can manage perfectly fine on my own”

“Need to help you?” Neteyam cocks his head a bit.

“Yeah…I mean. Why else would you be here?” you ask, scratching awkwardly at your arm for a moment “Tonight's the celebration. You really should be back with the clan-”

“As should you” He cuts you off firmly. Not liking the way that you’re trying to separate yourself from the tribe. From him “I have not seen you for days. Do you not want to feast with our people?”

You sigh, looking away from him. Biting at that plump ever pink bottom lip of yours. Always shy, he knows he needs to bring you out of your shell. You’ll find a way to run away from him again if he doesn't.

“I didnt come here to help you” Neteyam admits because he’s selfish and because you’re too beautiful. Even more so, since you’ve been hiding from him. Avoiding his attention.

“Oh really?” you’re not coy by nature but there's something in your eyes. In the way you’re looking up at him “Then what are you here for?”

“My kiss”

Your pupils expand, just the tiniest bit but he can see it. He can see it all. Every inch of your pretty face, unbridled by that cumbersome mask you usually are forced to don. He can see every freckle and blemish- and the way that a blush creeps across the apples of your cheeks.

“A deals a deal” Neteyam insists at the prolonged silence. At your nervous flicking gaze.

“Okay” is your sweet reply and he can only stare at your plump lips. A man with one thing and one thing only on his mind.

You don't protest when he reaches for you. When his big hands go around your waist and tug slowly until he’s enveloping you in his chest. You fit so perfectly, right under his sternum. Stare up at him with wide eyes that flutter closed the closer he inches his face towards yours.

The kiss is wet and electric and Neteyam wants to eat you whole.

Any awkwardness that comes from the size difference is soon overcome by the desire that simmers between you. You let him lead, always so willing to go with whatever flow he may give. Let him nip at your delicate bottom lip until he can almost taste the metallic twang of blood. Let him stick his much bigger tongue into your warm mouth, and then down your constricting throat.

As you make little gasping choking sounds, he imagines it's his huge pulsing cock stealing the air from your lungs instead.

You gasp for breath when he pulls away, as he trails kisses down your soft jaw. He cant stop, wants to taste you everywhere. Every inch of skin. He know it must be overwhelming- if your heaving breaths and mewls are anything to go by, he knows you’re feeling every inch of the mind spinning need that he is.

Still,

No matter how much he gropes at you with rough hands and drags spit soaked kisses over your neck and chest, youre so good for him. Such a good girl. Holding on for any ride he might take you on. Your fingers twined in his silky braids arent there to push him away, but to pull him closed.

When he grasps you by the back of your thighs and hoists- you wrap your legs around his slim waist, your ankles hooking at his lower back.

The helpless noise you make goes straight to his groin.

Neteyam lies you down on hard floor. He’d rather have you in the warmth of his Kelku, or under the stars, but at least here he can get at your maskless face. At your bare lips. Once he’s cradling your head safely and tucked in between your spread thighs he's at you again. Ravenously.

You’re so docile, so eager to let him take whatever he wants.

“Flora” he husks into your hair and you shiver.

“Yeah?”

“Flora” Neteyam brings your little body even closer.”You have no Idea. I have to have you. I need-”

You squeak needily “You can have whatever you need” and gasp when Neteyam kisses your cheek. Your lips. Your jaw. Your neck. Your nerves are on fire and your hips grind against his.

“I need this body. I need to see all of it, you drive me crazy” Neteyam armits as he tugs on your top and you help him pull it up over your head. You dont wear a bra, why would you? Your pretty rosy nipples are all on display for him. Pebbled and begging for attention, He laps slowly with his wide textured tongue at the puffy nub.

He suckles like a newborn until you’re chivalry and making hurt little sounds, until your pretty chest is covered in blooming bruises.

And then he’s dragging his wanting mouth down. Past your heaving ribs and over your soft belly. Neteyam hikes the flowy material of your skirt up high, until he can bend down and poke his head underneath.

“Oh!” you gasp, writhing a bit. Your thighs trying to close on instinct.

You’re so wet for him, the smell of it is thick and heady and he digs his nose into your inner thigh and snuffles. Its mouthwatering.

And it bit mortifying, from your end. Having the large man with his head buried under your skirt as he sniffs at your core-

When he licks a fat stripe over you, wetting up the thin material of your panties you cry out. No ones ever touched you like this and here he is, licking at your clothed pussy. Over and over until the fabric is translucent and sticky with your flowing juices.

“Please” you mewl, gathering the fabric, yanking until you can see him.

Its filthy and erotic. The sight of his hulking blue body between your trembling tanned thighs. So alien. So taboo-

“Please what, sylaung?” Neteyam taunts, his golden eyes meeting yours. They shine with mirth, and lust. So much lust. When he noses at your pink flowery panties you throw your head back, eyes squeezed closed. Unable to take the sight any longer “You want me to take care of you?”

“Yes” you sob because you’re pulsing and you can barley breathe you’re so horny “Please take care of me with your tongue”

Neteyam strips you then, out of your skirt and cute little panties and you’re lying under him. Naked and flushed and wanting.

He shoulders himself exactly back where he wants to be. Where he’s always wanted to be.

“Don't worry, I’ll take care of this sweet pussy for you”

Oh god. Your head is spinning.

You can barely think as he kisses on the jiggling fat of your thighs.

“I’m sorry” you gasp.

Neteyam hums right against your core and you can feel the vibrations throughout your entire body “What for?”

“I’m so messy” you whisper, that pink blush blooming all over your body.

Groaning, Neteyam can't wait any longer. Your flavor bursts along his taste buds. Tangy and earthy and decadently sweet. He’s had his fair share of cunt before, but he’s never tasted a humans and he’s shocked at how saccharine it is. It’s sticky and coats his mouth and throat. His lips and nose and chin as he digs in.

“Neteyam!” You wait.

“Fuck. Oh, Eywa. One Second” Neteyam sits up and adjusts himself where his painfully hard under his tweng and the ache in you deepens. You try to be good, try to be still as he leans in and licks at you again. Kisses your pussy in that same beautiful passionate way he kisses your lips.

He’s good. Too good at this. He’s had too much practice and you never had a chance againts that oversized mouth.

“Holy fuck” the words sound even more vulgar in your honeyed voice “Fucking hell, Nete. Nete. I’m almost there”

Neteyam grin is hidden between the lips of your pussy. He doubles down, letting you hump and soak his face. Then lapping back at inside of you in a repetitive and ceaseless rhythm, One that has you shaking, arching up off the ground. Your plush thighs closing, clamping around his head as you come.

Your orgasm cinches tight and rushes around you, inside of you, out of you with a gush of slick. It’s so deep. So strong, that it takes a moment for you to truly peak and it leaves you in a daze. Out side of your body as you fuck up againts Neteyams mouth like a wild animal.

You’d never come so hard in your life and it takes a while for you to recenter.

Once youre able to focus past the rushing in your ears, the first thing you notice is Neteyam’s face streaked with wet. Your blush blooms across your cheeks as you both breathe unevenly into the quiet.

“Did that feel good?” Nereyam knows it did, but still. He needs to ask. Needs to hear you say it.

You giggle, girlish and airy as your dainty hand releases his hair and cups at his cheek “So so good. I’ve never felt anything like that before”

His grin is all too feline and seeing those white canines gleam so close to the most sensitive part of you is a little alarming.

“There’s so much more to come, yawntutsyip” Neteyam promises, leading back down. His fingers play with the jiggle of your thigh- so different then any of the Omaticaya women he’s had You squirm a bit, clearly overstimulated, but keep your legs spread anyway.

Neteyams long digits prod gently at your pussy lips. You’re oddly pretty here. All red and rosy and inflamed, like that blush he loved so much on your cheeks. He spreads you with two fingers so that he can look at you inside. At your quivering pink folds and your tiny little hole that clenches when he runs his finger along it.

“You’re so small here” he whispers, completely hypnotized by it “So fucking tight. You’ll never be able to take me”

You whimper unhappily “Don’t say that. I want to- please just try”

“Shh,” Neteyam soothes your cries. Your dazed worries. He distracts you with his tongue, as it swirls over your throbbing clit. It feels a bit like sandpaper to your nerves, but you can get enough.

When his finger begins to breach you, you hold your breath.

Its big, but youre so loose from your first orgasm, so desperate to be filled that he sinks in until the hilt.

Its maddening after that and you grind the back of your head into the hard concrete under you- your eyes closed and your mouth hanging open. The sounds you make are feral and raw-

Neteyam fucks you open with one and then two fingers until its easy. Until the sweet stretch doesn't burn- instead its slippery and wet.horribly wet as Neteyam feasts on you as he fucks you with his fingers-

“Too much-Fuck” you weakly try to pull away from the assult of pleasure but he he’s too strong. Pins you down. Makes you take whatever he wants to give you.

When he lifts your hips up even higher to take a curious lick at your puckered asshole you white out.

This orgasm isnt like the first. You sink under the waves of this one. Your muscles cramp with the intensity. You cant come back to yourself, you can’t cling to anything but Neteyam. You cant even scream.

He’s everything, as he soothes you. As he makes you feel things you’ve never felt before.

“H-hurts” you whimper, eyes filling up with tears. Pussy aching.

“Just a little more baby” Neteyam huffs as he licks at you and stuffs the hand that's covered in your cum down his own tweng. It lubricates the fast and furious pumping of his fist along his rock hard cock.

He cant fuck you tonight, thats something the two of you will have to work up to. He’ll teach your tiny body to take him. To crave penetration.

But with his tongue buried in your pulsating pussy and your scent all around him its easy enough to pretend. Easy enough to imagine shoving himself into you slowly. Stretching you’re ruined. Your hole would never be the same. You’d forever gape because of him-

Neteyam comes with a roar and dirties his loincloth up like a teenager.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Later, after he’s cleaned you both up the best he can and gathered you to his chest. After he’s taken a sip from the breathing mask and nuzzled ar your wispy soft baby hairs that are plastered against the side of your sweaty head-

That he has the urge to read that book again. The one with the fairies. As he watches your slumbering face, your nose scrunching and lips pursing, he thinks the onlt thing missing is the gossamer wings,

His own little fairy.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

AAAAAAND we’re done.

First and foremost I want to give the wonderful @oakbuggy her accolades. Her Neteyam x Flora art inspired this fic 100%. A couple months ago I actually messaged her begging her to let me right this for her because I just couldn't get over this crackship of dreams. Thank you for being so patient with me. I hope you enjoy that overstimulation, baby!

PLEASE GO CHECK OUT HER ART. It’s sooooo delish.

This was a monster to write because I just had so many different ideas of what I wanted to do with the two of them and couldn't pinpoint where exactly I wanted the plot to go. Even now its a bit messy but still. I’m a fucking sucker for Neteyam x Flora and I would be more then happy to write more of them if thats something everyone would be into.

Please give me some feedback. What did we think about this writing style? Do we like the Y/N route more?

Until next time sweet honey bees!

[inthedayswhenlandswerefew]

Napoleonville [Chapter 6: The House Of Salt And Scales]

Series Summary: The year is 1988. The town is Napoleonville, Louisiana. You are a small business owner in need of some stress relief. Aemond is a stranger with a taste for domination. But as his secrets are revealed, this casual arrangement becomes something more volatile than either of you could have ever imagined.

Chapter Warnings: Language, references to sexual content (18+ readers only), dom/sub dynamics, smoking, infidelity, Evangelical Christians, kids, parenthood, Willis Warning, (Mis)Adventures With Aegon, Targ family dysfunction, bodily injury, blood, alligators, ANGST!!!

Word Count: 7.5k.

Link to chapter list (and all my writing): HERE.

Taglist: @marvelescvpe @toodlesxcuddles @era127 @at-a-rax-ia @0eessirk8 @arcielee @dd122004dd @humanpurposes @taredhunter @tinykryptonitewerewolf @partnerincrime0 @dr-aegon @persephonerinyes @namelesslosers @burningcoffeetimetravel-fics @daenysx @gemini-mama @chattylurker @moonlightfoxx @huramuna @britt-mf @myspotofcraziness @padfooteyes @trifoliumviridi @joliettes @darkenchantress @florent1s @babyblue711 @minttea07 @libroparaiso @bluerskiees @herfantasyworldd @elizarbell @urmomsgirlfriend1 @fudge13 @strangersunghoon

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“Did you hear that Willis is single again?”

Ugh. “Yes, Mama. I heard. You told me already.” You linger in the doorway with a white bakery box in your hands: your mother’s favorite, grasshopper pie, straight out of the 1960s. She allegedly ate through two a week when she was pregnant with you. Cadi has already dashed inside and made herself at home; she’s probably jamming the movie she got from Blockbuster—Predator, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Amir recommended it—into the VHS player. “You told me, Willis told me, all his deputies told me, Cadi told me, my mailman told me, the checkout ladies at the Piggly Wiggly told me, literally every resident of Napoleonville has informed me in no uncertain terms that Willis is single again. And I could not possibly care less.”

Your mother sighs and presses a hand to her forehead, wounded and incredulous, like she’s just watched a 60 Minutes segments about a tsunami or a genocide. “I just don’t understand it. In my day, people married for life.”

You glance back longingly at your Chevy Celebrity. “Yeah. I know they did.”

“When your father, and God rest his soul, when he was young, he was a hellion,” your mother says, as if you don’t remember it, as if you weren’t there. “He’d get his paycheck every Friday and stay out all night with his buddies, sometimes he didn’t come home the whole weekend. I’d lay into him when he finally showed, I’d say, ‘Rene, how on earth am I supposed to put dinner on the table if I don’t have any fish in the icebox?!’ Once he punched a hole in the kitchen wall and I had to cover it up with a picture of President Eisenhower! And I never even thought about leaving. How could I have done that to you? Forcing you to grow up in a broken home? Mothers and fathers living apart, whoever heard of such a thing? It’s unnatural.”

You’re brainstorming recipes to distract yourself. Caramel pretzel cookies. Banana chiffon pie. Cheese Danish cupcakes with diced cherries and a hint of vanilla. “Everyone draws their own lines, Mama.”

“But it’s not just about you,” she implores, her eyes shimmering with sympathy she never had for other women. You remember what she said on the rare occasions you confided in her about your frustrations with Willis: Of course a man isn’t going to want you bothering him with your feelings when he’s had a hard day at work. Of course a man—after you’ve had his baby, after you almost died to do it—is going to be crossing off days on the calendar until you can have sex again. He keeps a roof over your head and he never hits you, what more could you ask for? “What about Cadi? What if she grows up thinking that her marriage vows don’t mean anything? It’s the foundation of society, marriage. If that goes, everything goes.”

It’s the foundation of a lot of coercion and unfairness and misery, that’s for sure. “I wouldn’t want Cadi to stay in a situation that makes her unhappy. Would you?”

Your mother throws her hands up, like you’ve told her you’re converting to communism and catching the next flight to the USSR. “Life isn’t just about happiness, sweetheart! It’s about commitment, it’s about responsibility! If everyone did what they wanted all the time, no one would stay married!”

“Maybe that speaks to the value of marriage as an institution.”

“And morality is already falling apart in this country,” your mother continues, ignoring you. That’s what she does when she can’t refute facts, logic, evidence. “Young people living together, women having babies with two or three different men, people doing drugs, people on Welfare, people shooting and stabbing each other, sex shops everywhere, naughty magazines at gas stations, men wanting to marry other men—”

“Okay, Mama. I really have to go now.”

“Alright, I’ll shut up. I will, I will, I swear.” She makes peace with a brisk kiss to your cheek like a stamp on an envelope. “Enjoy a nice quiet night to yourself. Do you have any plans?”

Well, Mama, I’m trying to resist the temptation to call my engaged dominant oil tycoon not-boyfriend and tell him to come over for kinky adulterous sex. “Not really. I’ll probably take a bubble bath and then watch something Cadi would think is boring, like 20/20.” You hand over the bakery box, and your mother’s face lights up.

“Grasshopper pie?!”

“Of course.”

“Thank you, sweetheart. You know it’s hard for me to make it myself anymore. This rheumatoid arthritis, it’s got me all twisted up.” She nods down to where her fingers grip the box, knobby and increasingly useless.

“When’s your next appointment?”

“I’ve got one in…oh…about three weeks, I think. I’d have to check my daybook. All the way over in New Orleans with some specialist that Dr. Cormier recommended.”

“Okay. Want me to go with you?”

“Yes, that’d be fine.” It would be more than fine; she wants you to go, though she won’t say it. You aren’t sure if she doesn’t want to impose or doesn’t want to admit how reliant she’s becoming upon you, like growing up in reverse.

“Mawmaw!” Cadi shouts from inside the house. “Hurry up! I want to watch Predator!”

“You quit your hollering, I’ll be right there!” Then your mother looks to you and offers one last piece of very unsolicited advice. “Just be kind to Willis, alright? Give him a chance. I don’t think he’ll ever find a woman he likes as much as you. That’s what everyone says.”

“Mama, he has no idea who I am.” And he’s not interested either.

“Sure he does. You’re the mother of his child, and you always will be. Maybe you’ll find your way back to each other.”

“I’ll think about it.” You definitely won’t. “Goodnight, Mama.”

“So long.” She shuffles into the house, and once she’s shut the door you hear her muffled voice: “Arcadia, come on over here and help me slice up this pie…”

You drive home with the windows down and blasting St. Elmo’s Fire. There’s still an hour or two of sunlight left; the world is painted in gold and blood orange, the soybeans, the sugarcane, the grass growing tall and wild, the Spanish moss swinging from the trees, the earth ripening as its revolution hurtles towards the apex of summer. Cadi is out of school until August. Amir will be announcing his looming departure to San Francisco. Aemond will be getting married.

The adolescent alligator that Aemond is so afraid of is in the far corner of the front yard, basking in the last of the daylight. You walk into your room, flop down on the bed, lie there staring longingly at the pink phone on your nightstand. You reach to pick it up, then stop yourself. Aemond hasn’t fucked you, hasn’t kissed you, has rarely touched you at all since you found out about Christabel. But he stops by your house and invites you to his; he stitches himself into your life like someone somewhere once sutured his face back together.

I can’t. It’s wrong. He’s engaged.

Aemond doesn’t know you’re home alone. It’s Friday, and usually Cadi would be here with you until tomorrow morning.

Maybe it’s not really cheating until he’s married. I mean, if Aemond and Christabel aren’t sleeping together, if they almost never see each other…is it even a real relationship?

Wistful thinking, yes, denial, yes; but with each passing minute your resolve not to pick up the phone weakens.

We don’t have much longer until the wedding. Our time is slipping away.

He’s a robber baron. He’s arrogant, he’s delusional.

And I want him. I still do, and I can’t stop.

The phone rings. You sit up, startled. It’s not Aemond, you tell yourself so you won’t be disappointed when it isn’t him. But it is.

“Hi,” Aemond says; he sounds out of breath. “I’m really sorry to bother you.”

“No, it’s okay, Cadi is actually having a sleepover with my mom. They’re watching Predator. My mom has no idea what it’s about, she’ll be clutching that Bible she got signed by Jerry Falwell a little extra hard tonight. What’s up?”

“This is going to sound random, but…you haven’t seen Aegon, have you? He hasn’t shown up at your house, he hasn’t called? You don’t know where he is?”

Aegon? Why would I know anything about what Aegon’s doing right now? “Um, no…?”

A long exhale, a lull that’s full of dread.

“Aemond, what’s going on?”

“He and my father got into it a few hours ago. They were screaming at each other, kicking furniture over, which isn’t all that unusual, honestly. But then Aegon ran away.”

“Wait, like, he’s gone…?”

“He stormed out the back door, went down to the lake, and then headed north into the trees. And I assumed he’d be back by now, but it’s getting dark and he’s not here. He never came home. His Porsche is still sitting in the driveway.” There is a pause. “I think he’s out there.”

“Out where?”

“In the woods,” Aemond says, shellshocked, terrified. “In the bayou.”

Your eyes dart to the window; the golden daylight is dwindling. “Aemond, he can’t be alone in the bayou. It’s dangerous. He could die. There aren’t just alligators, there are wild boars, cottonmouths, copperheads, snapping turtles, brown recluses, fire ants, I don’t think there are any black bears this far south but it’s always possible, he could drown, he could get trapped in quicksand, you cannot let Aegon spend the night out there.”

“I don’t know what to do.” You’re not used to hearing this in Aemond’s voice: the panic, the vulnerability. “No one else seems worried. They said he disappears all the time, and that’s true. They’re convinced he’s found his way to a strip club or a Waffle House or something and will drag himself home eventually. No one will listen to me. My father has forbidden me from getting anyone else involved. He doesn’t want gossip getting around town and overshadowing the new rig project or…you know. The wedding thing. My wedding. And I can go over his head, sure, I can make calls, but when investigators show up here to start searching my father is just going to tell them to leave. How is it even possible to find Aegon? At night in a fucking swamp? Is anyone going to be willing to go out there before morning? Do I need people with bloodhounds or a helicopter?”

No way, you think as soon as the idea hits you. But it’s the right thing to do. It’s the only thing to do. “I can think of someone who knows their way around the bayou.”

~~~~~~~~~~

It’s just after 7 p.m. when Willis arrives to pick you up: grinning smugly, mullet fluffed, Plymouth Gran Fury hauling his brand new 20-foot jon boat. He’s dressed for night fishing in boots, camo-colored waders, and a grey hoodie with SHERIFF printed across the front in black letters. You climb into the passenger seat wearing sneakers, denim shorts, and a blue raincoat over your Pepsi t-shirt. You haven’t been fishing since you were married to Willis, and you’ve never missed it. It’s a grisly business: hooks through lips, hooks through eyeballs, hooks swallowed and tangled up in some doomed creature’s guts.

Aemond is waiting at the mouth of the Targaryens’ driveway, just out of sight of the mansion they call The Last Desire. He gets in the back seat and sits there testily with his arms crossed, lips pressed into a thin line, glaring out the window as an indistinct blur of primeval vegetation passes by outside. He has on his Marlboro jacket, light-wash jeans, and Adidas sneakers. You hope he doesn’t ruin them; although you suppose he can always buy more. He could buy a hundred more, a thousand more, and it wouldn’t make a difference. You can’t fathom what it’s like to live that way. It seems to conflict with all the laws of man and nature.

Aemond speaks grudgingly to Willis, a quick flat statement that invites no conversation. He didn’t call Willis to explain the situation, you did. You’re afraid to leave them alone with each other. You aren’t sure who would be more likely to end up a corpse decomposing in the muddy silt at the bottom of Lake Verret. “Thank you for agreeing to help with this.”

Willis chuckles warmly, either oblivious to Aemond’s prickliness or unbothered by it. “Bien sur! It’s my job, son. We’ll hunt your brother down.” Then he glances over at you, smirking, prying. “So, sugar…how’d you two make each other’s acquaintance?”

“Amir and I baked the cakes for his engagement party.”

“Engagement party, huh?” Willis looks at Aemond in the rearview mirror. “You gettin’ married?”

Aemond is still staring out the window. “Obviously.”

“So you ain’t single?”

“Legally, I am in fact single until the day the marriage license is signed.”

Willis returns his attention to you. “So he ain’t the petit ami you’ve been so secretive about.”

“I don’t have a boyfriend, Willis. I really can’t be more clear than that.”

“Oh, I know you got one. I know all your looks, sugar. Some days you come ‘round my office lookin’ lovesick, like you’re just a-floatin’ on a cloud. Other days you’re real mean, like you don’t want me takin’ none of your time, like you got somebody more important to spend it on. And then sometimes you just look…” He smiles, mischievous. “Well, how can I put it? Satisfied. The cat who ate the canary. And I recall exactly what that looks like on you. It’s been a while, sure. But I remember.”

From the back seat, Aemond sighs irritably. You say to Willis: “Can we please focus on finding Aegon?”

“Sois calme, sois calme. That’s why I’m here. We’ll be in the water in ten minutes.”

There is no more discussion; the only sound is the radio, Holding Out For A Hero by Bonnie Tyler. Willis turns onto a winding dirt road that leads to a boat launch about a mile from the Targaryens’ property. He spins his Plymouth Gran Fury around and backs it down the concrete ramp towards the rippling, slow-moving currents of Lake Verret. It’s difficult to see from the driver’s seat—most people would have someone get out to guide them—but Willis knows the way by heart. He’s been on boats since before he could walk; Willis’ daddy knew the bayou, and his daddy knew the bayou, and his daddy did too, all the way back to before the Louisiana Purchase. Your family are newer arrivals (relatively speaking), having only been in Napoleonville for about 100 years and keeping mostly to the town. You remember your 11th grade science teacher saying once that alligators have been around since before the dinosaurs went extinct. Maybe that’s what Willis is: a relic of a distant time and species, afflicted with a cunning ruggedness that won’t allow his kind to go extinct.

When the trailer is mostly underwater, Willis gets out of the car to unhook the straps that keep the boat moored to it. You go outside to help and Aemond follows, though he doesn’t know what to do. He’s never handled a boat this size and it shows; perhaps a yacht would be more his speed. He stands aside and watches, frowning, hands buried in the pockets of his Marlboro jacket. His lack of expertise riles him. He’s not used to being the incapable one. He hates not having control.

Willis already has a tow rope tied to a metal handle at the bow of the jon boat; he lifts it out and gives the free end to Aemond. “Hold onto that, will ya? Don’t let her get away.”

“Sure,” Aemond replies ungenerously. Willis returns to his Plymouth Gran Fury to finish backing the trailer into the lake until the boat floats. Standing on the shore together, you and Aemond stare at each other, unable to speak honestly, unable to decide what you’d say even if you could.

The jon boat bobs in the water, and you show Aemond how to pull it away from the trailer using the tow rope. Willis drives the trailer back onto dry land, parks his car in a flat area near the boat launch, and then joins you and Aemond by the water’s edge. He walks to where the boat is floating just to the right side of the concrete ramp and, with some difficulty, clambers inside as the boat rocks under his weight. Then he stands in the middle of it and gestures for you to approach. “Let’s get goin’, sugar.”

You take Willis’ hands when he reaches for you and let him help you into the jon boat. When you stumble over a bench seat, he steadies you with a hand on your waist, familiar but in no way erotic; not for you, at least. Still, from where he is standing on the lakeshore with the tow rope, Aemond glowers venomously.

“Your turn, son,” Willis calls to him, winking. “And I promise not to get too sweet with ya.”

But Aemond doesn’t need any assistance to board the vessel. He has long limbs, good balance, and an ironclad determination not to let Willis see him falter. Aemond sits at the bow of the boat. You claim a spot in the middle. Willis takes a seat at the stern, starts the outboard motor, and guides the boat into the treacherous swampland that lurks like a stalking animal at the edges of Lake Verret.

In the bayou, the water is sluggish, currentless, thick with vivid green salvinia and duckweed. Towering bald cypress trees grow out of the opaque depths and are adorned with greyish, anemic bundles of Spanish moss like spiderwebs. Mangrove trees with their myriad of semi-submerged roots are sanctuaries for catfish, turtles, baby alligators. Larger gators—as big as the female that lives in your yard, and some up to seven or eight feet—prowl with only their nostrils and ancient yellow eyes peeking out from under the water. Great blue herons tiptoe along the shallow shoreline and stab at fish that unknowingly flit between their long skeletal legs. Cicadas shriek in the trees so loudly they almost drown out the hum of the boat’s motor. When the last of the daylight vanishes, Willis tells Aemond to turn on the spotlight mounted to the bow, and the water becomes a soupy, greenish, primordial witch’s brew beneath its glow. Aemond lights a cigarette and puffs on it as he ponders this alien corner of the world that he’s found himself in.

Willis has a number of items stowed on the flat aluminum floor of the boat, you notice now: nets, paddles in case the motor fails, bottles of water, ropes, fishing poles, flashlights, hunting knives, a few sturdy wooden walking sticks. He’s wearing his sheriff’s pistol on a belt fastened over his waders. This makes you uneasy, though you can’t recall ever seeing him use it. It seems wrong to be able to end a life with so little effort.

“Aegon!” Aemond shouts from the bow, using a flashlight to look to the sides of the boat where the spotlight’s luminescence doesn’t shine so brightly. You grab your own flashlight to help him search. “Aegon! Where are you?!”

There’s something burning in your nose and throat as you lean over the side of the boat to peer into the shadowy wilderness. Salt, you realize, but that doesn’t make any sense. Lake Verret is a freshwater lake. You turn towards where Willis is steering the boat with the rumbling gas-powered motor. “Do you smell that?”

“Yup. Sure do.”

“But…how…?”

“One of the rigs mighta hit a salt dome while they were drillin’, I figure,” Willis says. “There’s been talk for years that we got salt domes under the lake. But that don’t stop these oil companies.” He stares meaningfully at Aemond. Aemond glances back, rather abashed. “And ya know what that means. If the water turns brackish, most of the fish’ll die. And who’s got to live with that for generations to come? Not the Targaryens or the Rockefellers, that’s for sure.”

Aemond resumes shouting for his wayward eldest brother. A dark snake, perhaps six feet long, slithers down the length of the boat through the murky water. “Aegon! Aegon!”

“What did he and Viserys argue about?” you ask.

Aemond is cagy. “It’s…kind of personal.”

“Personal like he got a stripper pregnant or personal like he murdered someone in a drunken hit-and-run?”

“Neither. But closer to the first option.” Then he roars into the darkness: “Aegon!”

“Maybe the bon a rien already found his way back home,” Willis says. “Maybe—”

And then there is an echo through the bayou, faint but vaguely human, a ghost, a phantom. “Aegon!” Aemond shouts back. “Where are you?!” Willis cuts the boat engine so you can hear the reply.

Faintly, very faintly, his disembodied voice drifts out of the trees. “Over here! Help me! Quickly! Seriously, really really quickly!!”

“Keep talking!” Aemond yells. Willis is listening intently, trying to pinpoint a direction. His thick, dark eyebrows are knit together in concentration that is rare for him.

Barely audible over the screams of the cicadas: “What the fuck am I supposed to say?! Just get over here and save me!”

“We’re trying to figure out where your voice is coming from, so don’t stop talking!”

“Help me! Come help me!! Right now!! My arms are getting tired!!”

“What? What are you doing with your arms?!”

“I got him,” Willis says. He restarts the motor and steers the boat down a narrow corridor of the swamp. The path is only about ten yards wide and bordered by mangrove trees with nests of exposed, labyrinthian roots. The water is probably relatively shallow: five feet, ten feet, just deep enough for secrets. The breeze is cool and wet, almost chilly. On the shore, you spy a snapping turtle the size of a golden retriever. Its long prehistoric claws are coated with mud and green blades of marsh grass. It ogles you as if to say: What are you doing here? You don’t belong here. This is where the dinosaurs that survived the asteroid live.

“Aegon?” Aemond calls.

“Here! Over here! I can see you, I see the lights! Oh my God, I’m not gonna die! Thank you Jesus!”

Aemond laughs in relief. “I didn’t think you two knew each other.”

“Shut up and save me, you muppet!”

And then you see Aegon—the spotlight hits him, he is illuminated in a stark white glow—and your stomach plummets, your blood goes cold. In an alcove of the bayou, right where the water meets the shore, Aegon is up in a bald cypress tree. He’s about five feet off the ground and standing on top of a branch just thick enough to hold his weight. It’s too narrow to balance comfortably on; he is hugging the trunk to ensure he doesn’t fall, and a fall would be catastrophic. Sprawled on the muck surrounding the base of the tree are a plethora of alligators, all approximately ten feet in length. That’s big enough to be lethal humans. That would be big enough to kill a bear, a horse, a shark. When the spotlight shines on them, the gators begin to squirm and hiss, glaring with soulless reptilian wrath at the boat. Willis shuts off the motor, and the boat bobs placidly.

“Oh, fuck,” Aemond says.

“Yeah, exactly!” Aegon pitches back. He’s wearing an unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt and tiny turquoise blue shorts. He is barefoot. “So what’s the plan?! By the way, hey, cake lady.”

“Hi, Aegon.”

Aemond says: “How the hell did you get up there?”

“I was pissed off about the dad thing and I was walking for a long time, then I realized I was probably in the wrong neighborhood for someone with two legs and no desire to get eaten. I tried to find my way back but then these pig-looking things started chasing me and I freaked out and climbed up here to hide until they left. But as the sun went down, alligators started showing up. And the more time went by, the more alligators there were. And that’s the whole story, can you get me down now?!”

Aemond asks Willis, petrified: “How do we get him down?”

Willis surveys the scene for a moment, thinking. “Alright. Here’s what I reckon. We can toss him one end of a rope and he can tie it to the branch above him, right at the base where it’s real thick. Then we’ll hold the other end of the rope, and he can kinda shimmy on down it into the boat.”

Aegon says: “But what if right before I get to the boat, when I’m like four feet above the water, an alligator jumps out and bites me?”

“They don’t usually do that,” Willis replies.

“Usually?!”

“Look, we don’t have a lot of options,” Aemond tells his brother. “We can do the rope plan now, or we can leave you here, backtrack all the way to the boat launch, get the car, get some help, and hope they magically have a better solution for you. Or you can wait up there until morning to see if the alligators leave. You pick.”

“Isn’t that the hick sheriff guy? Can’t he shoot them?”

“Gators got brains ‘bout the size of a walnut, son,” Willis says. “And if I don’t hit ‘em where it counts, I’m just gonna make them angrier. That ain’t good for any of us.”

“Okay,” Aegon concedes. “Throw me a rope.”

Willis grabs one from the bottom of the jon boat, hands an end to Aemond, and tosses the other to Aegon. It takes the eldest Targaryen boy four attempts to catch it; the rope keeps falling and smacking the hissing alligators in the face before Willis lugs it back to the boat to try again. Once he finally obtains the rope, Aegon knots it—double, triple, quadruple—around where the branch above him, just barely within reach if he stretches as far as he can, meets the massive trunk of the bald cypress tree. Willis tells Aemond: “Now ya gotta hold the rope real tight. No slack at all, or it’ll dip and he’ll end up in a gator’s lap.”

“Yeah, Aemond!” Aegon says, his voice shaky. “No slack!”

“Got it.” Aemond loops his end of the rope around his waist, makes a knot, and then grips it with both hands and tugs it until it forms a straight diagonal line from the tree to the boat.

“Ya sure you wanna do that?” Willia says softly, nodding to Aemond’s waist. “If somethin’ goes wrong and he ends up in the water, you’ll be goin’ in with him.”

“I’m sure.”

“Alrighty.” Willis grabs one of the heavy wooden walking sticks from the aluminum floor of the boat. “If a gator tries to cause a problem, I’ll whack ‘em good. Don’t let ‘em get their jaws ‘round ya, not an arm or a leg or nothin’. If they get ahold of ya, they’ll roll and rip your bones right outta the sockets.”

“Awesome,” Aegon says from the tree. “I’m so glad you told me that. Yeah. Great. Any more super helpful alligator trivia, Sasquatch?”

“Yes sir. If one chomps down on ya, poke it in the eye with your fingers. A whack to the snout or a poke to the eye is the best way outta a gator’s mouth.”

Aegon gulps and clutches the rope, steeling himself.

“What should I do?” you ask Willis. “Should I get a stick too—?”

“Nothin’. You don’t do nothin’. You just sit down right in the middle and keep the boat steady. And if your petit ami starts goin’ overboard, maybe try to snatch him. But don’t ya fall in. Ya don’t want to be in that water. If there are gators above the water, there are gators below too. I guarantee it.”

You sit in the precise middle of the boat, using your weight to reinforce the vessel’s center of gravity as Aemond and Willis stand at opposing ends. Right before Aegon begins his descent, Aemond snags your attention. He makes a motion with one hand, a slicing, a prohibition. Don’t do anything insane, he means. Don’t risk trying to drag me back into the boat if I start going over.

“Whenever ya ready, bon a rien,” Willis says. And no one else but you knows that what he’s calling Aegon is a good-for-nothing.

Aegon begins scurrying down the length of the rope, rapidly closing the distance between himself and the bobbing jon boat. He passes above the hissing gators congregating at the base of the bald cypress tree and then over the water, where there are ripples that multiply out from epicenters and flashes of movement just beneath the surface but no homicidal alligator activity. When Aegon nears the boat, Willis seizes him and helps him into it; and then Aegon ruptures into hysterical giggles.

“I almost died, can you believe that?” he asks Aemond, who is untying the rope from his waist and beaming, the first real smile you’ve seen from him tonight. “Because I ran away from Viserys?! What an idiotic way to go. I’ll never let that bastard convince me to off myself. I gotta outlive him. I gotta do Jello shots on that motherfucker’s grave someday.”

“Yeah, you do,” Aemond agrees, squeezing Aegon’s shoulder.

“Goddammit,” Willis grumbles. He’s using his walking stick to jab at the water near the rear of the boat. “We’re hooked on a mangrove root or something.”

“Do you need help?” Aemond asks, headed towards him.

“Yes sir, if you’d be so kind. I don’t…I can’t see…what the hell is it stuck to?”

“The motor…? The blades of the motor?”

“Oh, Jesus Christ, you’re right. Yup. There it is. We musta drifted into it while we were preoccupied. Okay, we gotta push the boat off the root and then we can get movin’ again. Grab a stick, let’s start pushin’.”

“Should I get a stick too?” Aegon says, joining them. “I can hit stuff with sticks. I really want to get out of here…”

There’s a bit of a commotion at the back of the boat as the men try to propel it away from the mangrove tree. Willis is complaining that the water is too deep to touch the bottom with his stick. Aemond’s stick keeps slipping off the mangrove roots when he tries to get leverage. You aren’t sure what Aegon is contributing, if anything. The boat has begun to rock.

You look to the tree where Aegon had been imprisoned. The alligators are fully awake now; they are headed into the water and disappearing there, unseen, unheard, and yet all around you.

“I think we need to go now,” you say, but no one is listening to you. They’re still wrestling with the mangrove root. You rise, taking a few steps to the left to offset the boat’s listing towards the right. “Guys, we need to—”

The boat is freed from its organic jailor and lurches sharply towards the left. As the men cheer triumphantly—completely unaware of what’s happening—you are jolted off your feet and tumble backwards over the side of the boat.

The shock of hitting the water stuns you. It is cold and impossibly dark; when you open your eyes to try to find the surface, the boat, you can’t see anything. You paddle blindly. Something brushes your leg, and you scream bubbles of mute terror. You can’t breathe, you can’t think, you are picturing those ten-foot gators slinking into the water that you’re now thrashing wildly through. You swim towards what you think is the surface and strike unyielding metal—the underbelly of the boat—hard enough to put stars in your skull like the flashes of lightning bugs. You get turned around and don’t know where you are again. Something glides past your arm, and you gasp before remembering that there’s no air. Dark water—salt and silt and decomposition—surges into your lungs, your stomach, sinking you like an anchor from within. There is a whirlpool of motion around you and muffled shouting. Then something closes around your wrist.

The eyes! you think frantically. I have to poke out its eyes!

But the vice around your flesh has no teeth. It’s not a reptilian jaw, you realize now, but a human hand. It leads you and you obey.

When you break the surface, you cough bayou water from your throat and blink it out of your eyes. Willis is leaning over the side of the boat and stabbing at gators with his stick, shrieking at them in French. One lunges at him from the water, jaws snapping. Willis whips the pistol off his belt, aims it squarely between the creature’s eyes, and fires. The boom is deafening; the bleeding gator sinks into the water. Aegon is kneeling in the boat and offering his arms to help you climb up.

You look beside you. Aemond is barely keeping his head above water. “Go!” he orders you. “Get in the boat!”

With Aegon’s help, you heave yourself over the side and collapse to the aluminum floor, lungs aching, skull pounding, heart thudding mercilessly, soaked to the skin. Then you force yourself to your hands and knees to see where Aemond is.

“Aemond?!” Aegon is yelling. “Aemond, where are you?!”

He’s gone; you don’t see him in the water. You try to scream for him too, but the water still in your throat strangles you. Your hands close around the edge of the boat, and Willis grabs your raincoat to yank you backwards. “Other side!” says, pointing. “We’re gonna capsize, we need weight on the other side, go there!”

You scramble to the opposite end of the boat, sobbing now, still hacking up muddy water. Where’s Aemond?? Where is he??

Both Willis and Aegon are grasping for something. They’re shouting and stabbing into the water with their walking sticks. And then they’re hauling him into the boat: Aemond, blood pouring down the left side of his face, a gash by his temple, another on his forehead; something bit him or clawed him. He’s wearing only his jeans and a white tank top; he ripped off his Marlboro jacket before diving in after you. You don’t see his Adidas sneakers anywhere. They must have been kicked off in the water. His glass eye has been knocked out and lost in the muck. What’s left in its place is a void, gaping, pink; it’s difficult to look at, you’d be lying if you said it wasn’t. It has the visceral, gory quality of organs never meant to be seen. His fingertips go to the socket to feel for his prosthetic. When he confirms it isn’t there, he covers his face with his hands and moans.

He saved me. He jumped in after me.

You crawl to him. “Aemond—”

“No!” He pushes you away, and you see that there’s blood and ancient silt from the bayou in his empty eye socket. It will have to be cleaned out. Willis watches, astonished, bewildered. For once, he is at a loss for words.

“Aemond, please…” You’d do anything to help him. You don’t know how to help him.

He saved me.

Aegon reaches for Aemond. “Hey, hey. It’s not that bad. Hey…” He drops to his knees, presses his forehead against Aemond’s, stains himself with his brother’s blood. And when Aemond tries to pull away, Aegon doesn’t let him; he’s got his fingers tangled in Aemond’s wet hair. “Thank you for saving me. I’m always almost getting myself killed and you’re always saving me. What would I do without you, huh? None of us would be okay without you. Thank you, Aemond. You hear me? You’re not gonna get this again anytime soon, so listen up. Thank you. Thank you.”

“I’m just so—”

“I know.”

“I hate that I’m like this.”

“It’s not a big deal. You’ll order a new one.”

“You know what he’s going to say.”

“Fuck him. Why do you care what he thinks? Because you think he’s the one who gets to decide what you’re worth? He isn’t. He’s not qualified.”

Aemond nods, but he doesn’t seem to be convinced. He still doesn’t look at you. He turns so the left side of his face—bloodied, eyeless—is angled towards the water and out of your view. Willis goes to the motor, starts it, and begins guiding the boat back towards the launch where he parked his Plymouth Gran Fury.

Aegon glances over at you. “You okay, cake lady?”

“Yeah.” But your voice shakes. The rest of you is shaking too; now that the adrenaline is wearing off, you can feel that you’re shivering in your wet clothes.

“Put it on,” Aemond says softly, and at first you don’t understand. Then you see that he’s pointing to his Marlboro jacket, left hurriedly flung on the floor of the boat. You unzip your dripping raincoat and don Aemond’s Marlboro jacket instead. It smells like him: smoke, cologne, effort, secrets.

“Thank you,” you tell him, wanting to say more. Aemond doesn’t answer. He stares into the murky water, greenish under the glare of the spotlight, and says nothing to anyone all the way back to the boat launch. Wordlessly, he helps Willis re-hitch the jon boat to the trailer. He remembers the steps. He’s a fast learner. The blood on his face is drying; his right eye won’t allow itself to look at you. The only sound on the drive to the Targaryens’ mansion is the radio of the Plymouth Gran Fury, which Willis turns up to cover the silence: In A Big Country.

At the end of the cobblestone driveway, lights are on in the vast house called The Last Desire. Everyone gets out of the car. Willis shakes a rather puzzled Aegon’s hand, then turns to Aemond, who ignores him. Willis chuckles, more curious than offended.

“So ya are the man who’s been givin’ her that satisfied look. I knew it. Yes, I knew what I saw. What’s your secret, son? Ya must really know your way around a woman if ya got her so mad about ya with a face like that. Ya look like the Rougarou got ahold of ya—”

Aemond grabs Willis by his hoodie, yanks him off his feet, jacks him up against the side of the sheriff’s vehicle. Immediately, you and Aegon are shouting and trying to break them apart.

You plead: “Aemond, don’t!”

“Aemond, he’s got a gun!” Aegon screeches.

Fortunately, Willis isn’t grappling for his pistol. He holds both palms in the air, open and empty, like he’s surrendering; but there’s still a smile on his face. Aemond doesn’t act like he’s heard anyone. He leans in close to Willis, his voice low and dark and snarling, his sole blue eye glinting. “You had so much in your filthy fucking hands and you just threw it away.” Then he slams Willis against the car one more time, tears away from him, and strides up the porch steps and into the house.

Aegon hurries after him, casting you a quick glance and a beckoning wave. It’s an invitation. You coming? Aegon mouths, and then vanishes inside.

Willis peers up at the house: stained glass windows, immense white columns. You don’t see any signs of Vhagar the Great Dane. Willis speaks calmly and without looking at you. “I think he’s in love with you, sugar.”

Improbable. Impossible. If he was, he couldn’t marry someone else. “He’s not.”

Now Willis’ eyes flick to you. “All I’m sayin’ is that I’ve been fishin’ on that lake since as long as I can remember, day, night, sun, storms, and nothin’ on earth would have gotten me to jump into that water. Not even Heather Locklear herself.”

“Just go, Willis,” you say, exhausted, heartsick. “Thank you for what you did tonight. But please go now.”

“How ya gonna get home?”

“I’ll figure it out. Don’t worry about me.”

“Of that, I am incapable,” Willis drawls. Then he climbs into his Plymouth Gran Fury and is gone. You sprint up the porch steps in your soggy sneakers, searching for Aemond.

In the white-and-gold foyer, Viserys is just arriving. He struts across the marble floor until he is close enough to his two oldest sons to embrace them, to hit them, to extract their teeth with his knuckles. The others pour through the doorways—Alicent, Criston, Helaena, Daeron, Otto—but while they gape in horror and fascination, they don’t speak in anything more than murmurs amongst themselves. Viserys steals only a glimpse of Aegon, swift and disinterested, then examines Aemond: wet clothes, no shoes, grime and blood, dazed fury. When his cool, pale gaze reaches Aemond’s empty eye socket, Viserys flinches and looks away.

“So you lost another prosthetic,” is all he says. His face twists into a grimace. And you expect Aemond to do something, to jab back, but he doesn’t. He’s frozen, he’s paralyzed. His right eye is misty. He’s biting his lips so they don’t tremble. And suddenly you hate Viserys Targaryen, you hate him more than you can imagine hating anyone. You think that you could watch his entrails unspooled from his body without feeling a thing. The Targaryen family patriarch hasn’t spoken to you; you don’t register to him at all. You might as well be an oriental vase or a house plant.

“You’re the one who did it, Viserys,” Aegon says, stepping in front of Aemond seething and sharp like a blade. “You remember that part? I do. I remember. The North Sea, 1968. I remember him trotting around after you, always so desperate to prove himself, always doing anything you asked, anything you could dream up, worshipping you like you were God. And where were you when he was getting his eye socket debrided at Moorfields Hospital? In fact, where were you when he got his hands caught in a winch when he was eleven? Where were you when he fell off a pipe deck and broke six ribs because one of your idiot employees forgot to close a safety gate and he couldn’t see it? Where were you then? Where are you now?”

Viserys scowls down at him—revolted, repelled—but he doesn’t reply. He feels no instinct to defend himself. He is unable to internalize shame; it rolls off him like raindrops.

“You’d love me so much if I was dead,” Aegon says, grinning, baring his teeth like an animal. “How sick is that? You can love bones in a box, but not someone standing right in front of you. You love Aemma, a ghost. You love Baelon, and you never even knew him. You’ve got nothing for me. That’s fine, I don’t care, I’ll be alright without you.” He points to Aemond. “But you’ve got nothing for him either, and he’s everything you always wanted. You’re disgusting, you’re broken. You belong in a box too. The part of you that was human is gone. I don’t give a fuck about what’s left.”

Aegon shoves Viserys, hard, and then storms past him. As he crosses into the kitchen, Helaena grabs for his wrist. You can hear her whisper: “What the hell happened?!”

Then Aegon remembers one last thing. He whirls around and bellows at Viserys, his voice reverberating off the vaulted ceilings: “And I’m not getting my vasectomy reversed! You can’t make me! It’s bioethics! I asked the lawyer!” He stomps off and disappears, Helaena in tow.

Alicent shoots Viserys a hateful glare and then flees from the foyer, her long auburn ringlets streaming out behind her. Viserys goes in the opposite direction. Daeron and Otto share an awkward glance and then depart as well. Only you, Criston, and Aemond remain in the room, surrounded by treasures that might as well be handfuls of earth, flour, swamp water, salt.

Cautiously, Criston lays a hand on Aemond’s shoulder, on his right side where he can see it. “Aemond…”

“Don’t touch me,” Aemond says as he wrenches away. He leaves like a hurricane, like a flood, receding until there remains only wreckage and memory.

Criston sighs deeply, and then he asks you: “Do you need a ride home?”

You don’t respond. You haven’t decided how to yet. You stare at the place where Aemond stood, a void like a star that died out. Do I follow him upstairs? you think.

Do I?

[iheartyvesss]

save a horse | j. miller preview

and all the ladies say,

“save a horse, ride a cowboy!”

cowboy!joel x black coded!southern!reader (anybody can still read, only hairstyles are specified)

warnings: js sweet ole girl dad joel, small bits of flirting, tommy’s a flirt and joel doesn’t like it, and joel is a lil awkward but we love him!!!

wc? 1.5k (this a preview y’all!)

if any lingo is wrong you’re fuckin lying because i’m a texan born and bred RAGHHHH 🦅🇺🇸

moving to austin from dallas with your dead best friend’s daughter wasn’t on your 2002 bingo card. ellie was precious to you for a number of reasons, her fiery attitude and brown eyes that reminded you of your best friend. it all hurt you, but this little girl came first. her safety came first.

“ellie! babe, c’mon now, you gotta at least unpack your room.” the teen looked up at you over the book that was barely propped up on her chest. ellie scrunched her face at you, “i am aunty, just give me a second. the house isn’t goin’ anywhere, i’ll be just fine.” you sighed heavily, leaning on the archway of her door. ellie’s been pretty normal, but you don’t think it’s normal for her to be normal.

she’s lost her mother, you cried for days after losing yours. you remember that feeling of emptiness; not being able to believe the woman who gave birth to you was gone. you purse your lips instead, sighing in a more gentle manner before moving closer to ellie. “c’mon, up! let’s go. we’re baking and meeting our neighbors.” ellie groaned but let you take her hands, whining when you pulled her all the way up out of the bed.

“promise not to run from me and i’ll make you the red velvet brownies you like.” you squished her cheeks in your hands while grinning from ear to ear. you knew your niece couldn’t resist them, even if she was mad at you for making her assist. ellie whined in your grip, squirming around to get your hands away from her cheeks. “fine! fine! oh my god those stupid nails hurt, aunty. jesus fuck.”

her response is a hit to the back of her head, “ow.” you snort as you make your way out of the room, tying your soft locs up into a ponytail. “then watch your mouth, sugar. hurry on downstairs when you’re done. i already started the oven.” did you lie about beginning to bake to get ellie to come out of the hole that was her bare room? yes. and you are very proud that it worked.

you’re barely tying your apron back around your waist when ellie’s loud stomps come down the stairs of your new house. she fakes a frown before smiling at the aroma of chocolate and strawberries, hints of vanilla stretching across the entire first floor. you pretend not to see the scene that unfolded in front of you, instead turning to your buttercream frosting that you were mixing. “ellie baby, can you get the pie shells out for me? poke holes in the bottom with the fork then sit them in the oven for a bit. you know the drill, sweet pea.” she hums in response, yanking her little apron off of it’s hook and tying it around her body.

ellie’s practically sliding around the kitchen in her black and red polka dot socks, having the time of her life racing no one in the space of the kitchen. you laugh at her antics, gesturing for her to come over to you, “come ‘nd taste the frosting, let me know if it’s too sweet or no.” she practically scrambles to you, taking the spoon from your hand. “umm, ‘s alright. it needs more vanilla and a little more powdered sugar.”

“ugh, my little baking champion thank you so much!” you kiss the side of her head and get back to work, letting her get back to her own job that you’d provided her with. she laughed softly at your comment before she went back to her previous job of poking holes in your pie crusts. it’s not long before you’re pulling brownies and cookies out of your oven, letting them cook before icing the cookies with such carefulness that it makes ellie laugh.

you allow ellie to scoop the apple pie mixture into the pie shells before she settles them back in after placing the lattice on top of all three pies you’d made. you wait around another hour to let the pies settle and pack everything up, letting ellie hold the cookies whilst you grab one of the pies. “ellie do i look okay?” you mumble to her, turning slightly in front of the mirror on the wall near your front door. she snorts, covering it up with a cough. “you look fine aunty. what? you wanna date the neighbors?”

“absolutely n- ellie!” your face heats but you don’t say much else, instead opening the door for your niece since her hands were more full than yours. you do look fine though. your little sundress you wore for the drive down here from dallas was a soft blue with light pink flowers patterned on it along with complimentary white sandals. it complimented your skin well, enhancing the glow of it against the sun. your soft locs were still in a ponytail from your baking, and you’d had your lashes done shortly before you moved. you were particularly satisfied with the lip combo you’d mustered up before you left; a pretty brown liner with a pink filler. perfect.

ellie sets the cookies down on the floor in the bottom of your backseat, and you follow suit by sitting the pie on top of the containers. the both of you climb into the car once you’re positive everything is in order and won’t fall over or anything of the sort. the drive to the next set of land isn’t far, maybe 5 minutes, and you get a chance to truly take in the beauty of the countryside in austin.

when you pull up, you notice that your neighbors seem to be leaving the house just as you drive up. there’s two older men and a little girl, and you can only assume she’s one of the men’s daughter. your eyes trail over the taller one, though. he’s buffer than the shorter one and has a full beard. your ‘thing’ for beards was really tempting you with this one. he was clearly older than you as if that helped your attraction, but you purse your lips and relax your shoulders. no need to be weird in front of the new neighbors already.

you park quickly, biting down on your lip to hold any final nervous remarks your niece could possibly make fun of you for. ellie grabs the pie since she’s already on the side, setting it on top of the car and grabbing the cookies. you hum a soft ‘thank you’ to her before grabbing the pie and making your way towards your neighbors.

“excuse me?” your voice is saccharine to joel’s ears, and he damn near gets whiplash trying to turn to see who’s voice he’s hearing. “are you the millers?” you follow up despite a lack of response from the older man. you smile sweetly and gesture for ellie to come towards you. joel nods dumbly, swallowing hard before stepping forward to greet you. the girl that you mentioned earlier, who looked a little older than ellie, giggled at her dad (uncle?), and skipped her way next to him.

“i- uhm- we- damn.” joel stuttered terribly, rubbing a hand over his face before sighing heavily. sarah giggles before speaking up for her stunned father. “hi!! i’m sarah miller, this is my dad joel and my uncle tommy.” she smiled brightly at the two of you, curls bouncing as she spoke. tommy nodded from next to sarah, sticking his hand out for you to shake. “hi, darlin’! i’m tommy, nice to see a new pretty face ‘round here.” you feel your smile widen a bit, flattered by the younger miller’s words. you reach your hand out to meet his, but tommy turns it in his hand and presses a kiss to the back of yours.

joel’s stare practically burns through the two of you.

“cute.” is all you say, gently taking your hand back to pull ellie towards you. “i’m (name) (last name) and this is my niece ellie williams. we just moved into the house a few minutes down the road and wanted to properly greet everyone. i come bearing gifts, of course, but i can put ‘em back until you guys come back if i have to?” joel shakes his head, smiling at the thought you’d clearly put into the baked goods. “no, that’s fine sugar. we were jus’ goin’ to get some groceries.” his hand brushes yours briefly as he takes the pie, and you feel electricity shoot up your spine. oh you want him.

“me ‘n ellie can go ahead and head out and let you three get to it. we’re sorry to interrupt, but i hope we could come back over some time just to hang out or for anything else.” joel’s eyebrows shoot up at the end of your question but if he caught onto anything he didn’t say much. “’course. thank you again for the cookies ‘n pie. real sweet of you to make ‘em, sugar.” you bite down on your lip to hide the smile threatening to appear on your lips. ellie laughs beside you, tugging on your arm after she’s handed off the cookies. you glance back up at him briefly before nodding your head towards the car, sending your niece towards it.

“no problem, cowboy.”

[ticklystuff]

Day 19: Study Break

a/n: ler!sylvain, lee!felix — from my own personal tickletober list! (pls read the image of their paired ending, they're gay)

———

"Felix, I'm bored!"

"Hey Felix, wanna spar?"

"Feeeeliiiiiix~!"

This barely scratched the surface of what was borderline harassment at this point and he'd report this to campus security if the offender wasn't the one person he had the misfortune of falling head over heels for..

Gods, of all people, it had to be Sylvain Jose Gautier..

And he didn't even bother to look up from the textbook laid out along his desk at the sound of his dorm room door swinging wide open, knowing exactly who it would be and what intentions they held.

"Felix! I'm back!"

"Sylvain, I already told you I'm bu-"

That smell.

Meat pies? From the cafeteria?

His head whipped around to see Sylvain standing behind him, big smile on his face as expected, except this time, there was white box in his hands that no doubt contained the savory meal that filled his room with the scent of delightful spices.

"Heh, I knew this could get your attention," Sylvain winked, to which Felix rolled his eyes, turning back to focus on his textbook.

"I'm not even hungry." That was a lie. Being holed up in his dorm meant his choice of sustenance for the day did not extend past a bag of stale crackers that were stored away and forgotten about till a few hours ago, but he really needed to focus.

"Well, neither am I," Sylvain said matter-of-factly, taking the stool in Felix's room and setting himself down, opening the box of food in his lap, "but I have this food that needs to be eaten before it goes cold. Won't you help me, Felix? Pretty please?"

And those damn eyes, the way he pursed his lips in fake pout— Felix knew he should above Sylvain's tricks, if this could even be considered one, but the outcome was always the same, helplessly falling into the ginger's plans every single damn time.

"Fine, just one bite," he resigned with a sigh.

The look of triumph Sylvain gave him was enough to get the butterflies floating again and Felix turned back to his book, biding his time till Sylvain sliced a portion. What he wasn't expecting, though, was for the ginger to rather cut out a bite-sized piece, holding up the food with a fork to Felix's face.

"Come on," Sylvain pushed the fork closer, prompting a scowl from Felix.

"You don't need to- ugh," Felix scoffed, but Sylvain insisted, until Felix leaned forward to take the morsel in his mouth.

"Good, yeah?"

"Yeah," he mumbled through chews. The crust was nice and buttery, yet light enough to preserve the flakiness, off-setting the heavier filling of the pie, containing beef tender enough to melt on his tongue, complemented by the balance of the slightly tart tomato chunks and creaminess from the cheese, all tied together by the familiar spice blend. Perfection.

"Anyway, how much studying do you have left to do?"

Felix wiped the bit of sauce at the corner of his mouth, looking at Sylvain questionably. "Uh, until we have our exams. Shouldn't you be doing the same?"

"Eh, I already finished yesterday," Sylvain said with a shrug, crossing one leg over the other.

"But you told me you only started two days ago?"

"Yeah? And I'm done."

In all fairness, Felix shouldn't have expected anything from Sylvain in this regard, an expression of disappointment crossing his face, and yet, somehow, this man still managed to avoid expulsion.

"Anyway, time for another bite," Sylvain spoke again, chipping out another piece from the pie with the fork.

"No, no, I said one bite," Felix shook his head, "and I really should get back to studying anyway."

"Felix," there was something.. different in his tone this time, "what you really need is to take a break."

"I'm good," Felix turned back in his seat, avoiding the frown Sylvain gave him.

"Okay," Sylvain huffed, standing up and setting the rest of the pie on top of the stool, tapping his foot lightly against the floor, "would you rather listen to me.. or would you rather listen to the tickle monster?"

Felix's ears perked up at the mere mention of Sylvain's "best friend".. and the bane of Felix's existence. "Sylvain, now's really not the time-"

He jumped at the sudden presence of hands atop his shoulders, feeling them slide against the back of his shoulder blades and positioning themselves where his upper sides curved into his back, fingers drumming along the Garreg Mach uniform.

"Sylvain—" he tried with a hiss, but all that came out was laughter, fingers digging into his sides, making their presence known through his uniform. "Sylvahahahain! Nohohoho!"

"I'm sorry, Sylvain isn't here right now!" came the comically deep voice, it's guttural drawl heavily contrasting the airy laughter that currently occupied the room.

Felix hunched over in his desk, tightly gripping the edge of the table, knowing full well there was no point in trying to win Sylvain over in the silly situation, feeling those fingers playfully dance up and down his sides, even knocking at his spine, prompting Felix to nearly jump out of his chair.

"NahaHAHAhaha! O-Okay! Fihihihine!"

"Oh, really?"

"Yehehes! Stahahahap!"

"Wow, glad you're finally taking care of yourself!" Sylvain happily exclaimed, removing his hands from Felix's sides to give the swordsman a ruffle to his hair, follow by quick little smooch to his cheek, to which Felix wiped away out of spite. "But first, we have to finish our meal together."

Felix watched as Sylvain picked up the box of food and fork again, picking out a piece of the meat pie. "Say ah."

Felix blinked twice, sighing to himself, before looking at the expectant look from Sylvain, then to the piece of food in front of him.

"Ah.."

[lolotheparagon]

What Arkham Knight Scarecrow Thinks of Each Pony

Scootaloo: At first, I found her unbearable. But after seeing her hunger for destruction and rebellious streak, she became endearing to me. Unlike the Knight, she is reliable, loyal and courageous. She may not be evil, but she is a being of unfiltered chaos.

Cheerilee: She is remarkably intelligent for her age. Psychology is a subject she’s taken a shine to. Especially in the field of understanding the human mind. I have been teaching her the theories of the psychological greats like Sigmund Freud and Albert Bandura. It’s refreshing to see one of these ponies is capable of intelligent conversation

Rainbow Dash: I do not care for feminine things and she is emblematic of such frivolousness. However, she does keep the littler ones in line whenever they get out of hand. I also learnt that glitter is in fact dangerous for the human body if it comes into contact with the eyes or bloodstream, thanks to her. I guess this vapid nonsense does serve a purpose.

Toola Roola: They say art can be a window into a person’s deepest, darkest fears. And Roola here is the perfect artist to capture those fears. I didn’t think it was possible for a horse to paint but her eye for detail and resourcefulness is admirable. The child usually illustrates a lot of syrupy landscapes but she has been drawing a lot of storms lately. I thought I would never get her to embrace the darker side of nature since she’s the more skittish type and is afraid of the dark. But she seems confident when standing next to me. Her artwork may not be of vital importance to our mission but it does brighten up my office… don’t think this as paternal, the office walls are filled with holes. I needed something to cover them up.

Pinkie Pie: This one intrigues me. She’s both innocent and worldly at the same time. Such a personality doesn’t seem possible. Also she is capable of sarcasm. I was taken aback a little, one would think these ponies wouldn’t know what sarcasm is. From what I’ve seen, she’s the leader of these ponies and is the most proactive. Not as intellectual as Cheerilee or amusing like Scootaloo, but relatively normal.

Sweetie Belle: Ugh, such saccharine sentimentality. Everything this child does makes my skin crawl in disgust. How can you even deal with an angelic child like this? She’s like a puppy who wont leave me alone. However, being the only unicorn, her magic is quite powerful when influenced by her mind. I’ve been trying to curb the little one’s powers by giving her visual aids in the form of Rorschach tests. But every time I ask her what the inkblots are, she always says they’re butterflies or clouds. Its no use. I think she’s truly incapable of being evil. It’s a good thing Gotham is already afraid of her cuteness.

Starsong: Which one is she again?… Oh yes, the flying one. I wish she would used her flight for espionage instead of twirling around. She always ropes me into these TikToks dances, as the youths call it, with the other girls. Ive suffered enough humiliation.

[dev-nxbody-h3re]

i am unable to make a coherent thought right now. i need another au to think about. i need to create lore. how do i satiate this feeling.

With a new AU of course.

So have you guys seen *cough cough* The My Little Pony Equestria Girls movies? No? Yes? Well it doesn't matter. Because I'm going to explain my MLPEG AU.

This one actually starts with Evan. He's Princess Twilight Sparkle. Or, well, Prince Evan. He's the Prince of Childhood Innocence or something, idk.

So the before part doesn't really matter, but Elizabeth (who takes the place of Sunset Shimmer) steals Evan's magic crown. Obviously big no no. So Evan goes through the portal and is human and not pony. Helpy is Spike.

There, Evan meets Gabriel (taking the place of Applejack), Jeremy (Rainbow dash), Susie (Fluttershy), Fritz (Pinkie Pie), and Cassidy (Rarity). He does his friendship thing and Elizabeth takes the crown and transforms into Scrap Baby.

The MCI pony up and beat her ass with friendship, turning her back into Lizzy. They have a heart to heart and Evan goes back to Ponyville.

And then the second movie :)

My favorite movie :)

RAINBOW MOTHERFUCKING ROCKS. FUCK YEAH!!

So, Elizabeth is the outcast of the school now. The MCI are doing their best to help her, but it's difficult. Then, just like in Rainbow Rocks, we cut to a small cafe. People are arguing, and there's a faint green mist on the floor. We pan up to find four teenagers sitting in a booth, singing.

"Ugh, are you sure this is worth it? I hate eating fast food." One of them pouts, flipping their hood back to reveal black hair, dyed blue at the front. This is James.

"We take what we can get, James." Another flips their hood back, and they're Taylor, their hair coiled in a long braid. "We can't be picky."

"Doesn't mean it's good. It's just not enough anymore." A third pulls their hood down, and brown hair reveals Matthew.

The last opens their mouth to talk, but the friendship beams from Equestria Girls is shown in the background. All four of them gasp.

"Equestrian magic.." The last pulls their hood down, and they're Michael Afton, eyes shining with hunger.

He turns to his fellow Sirens and opens his mouth, the screen cutting to black.

Blah blah blah, boring band things. Anyway, the Sirens are defeated in a cool ass song. Their Siren forms are just their representative masks (Bonnie, Chica, Freddy, and Foxy respectively).

But their gems aren't destroyed, so Michael pulls them back and they run off.

And then the Friendship Games!

Instead of SciTwi being here, Crystal Prep's star student is one Jeremy Fitzgerald. Because I can't not have him.

He's wanting to pursue a higher education, but needs a scholarship to do so. He discovers magic and becomes enamored with it, trying to understand it with the help of a little doohickey circle thing.

He finds the portal, and sucks the magic right out of it and Elizabeth. He gets scared and gets on the bus.

Throughout the movie, their magic is depleted one by one.

They're all getting desperate. They need to win the games and everything is going wrong, and they can't even contact Evan. Elizabeth makes a decision, and during an intermission she goes out from the school.

The games continue on. The magic Jeremy has is getting harder and harder to contain, and Unleash the Magic happens. He releases the magic and turns into (wait, can you guess) Nightmare Mangle. What a shocker. Look, when there's only one thing the guy is known for you gotta use it.

He becomes obsessed with magic, and starts destroying everything a la Midnight Sparkle.

Everything is almost broken, until someone shouts.

"HEY!" It gains Nightmare Mangle's attention. "What do you think you're doing?!"

It's Michael. He looks different- more mature, bolder, more confident, whatever. But it's undoubtedly Michael.

Nightmare Mangle cackles. "Who do you think you are? A hero? Why even try when the world is breaking at my very presence?" He gestures to the gaping holes in the ground and in the air, which are slowly but surely growing.

"This isn't the right way to get what you want. Trust me, I'd know." Michael chuckles, clutching at the gem worn around his neck.

"What do you know of ambition? Is all you have to say meaningless words and promises of redemption?"

He clicks his tongue. "Well, I certainly know whatever the hell you're doing is giving off a lot of negative energy. And stop talking so poetically, you're not that kind of villain."

"Oh? Then, pray, what kind of villain am I?"

Michael doesn't look impressed, kicking a stone into the vast sky of the portals. "A lousy one."

This sends Nightmare Mangle into a rage, flying at Michael. The Siren hums a little tune and a giant fox is barreling into Jeremy.

All this time, Elizabeth is searching for the magic circle thing. Eventually she finds it while Michael distracts Jeremy, and does the Sunset Shimmer Friendship Games power up to try and talk down Jeremy.

Michael is eventually knocked out by Jeremy, and Elizabeth gains his attention.

They start fighting, and start beam attacking each other. Jeremy almost wins were it not for a blue rabbit kicking him away.

Nightmare Mangle growls and looks at James, who's standing over Michael's unconscious body protectively.

"You didn't think he came alone, did you? You're a fucking moron!"

While he's distracted with James, Elizabeth seals up the portals. The magic circle thingy is laying on the ground, and Taylor picks it up. They whistle, gaining Lizzy's attention, and they throw it up to her.

"Take his magic back! It's corrupting him!" They yell, narrowly dodging a beam.

Lizzy opens the pendant and points it at Jeremy, who claws at himself to keep the magic but is drained, falling in a heap on the floor.

She depowers and goes over to him. He's barely conscious, but shivering and shaking.

Matthew comes up to them, staring down at Jeremy thoughtfully. "He almost died, you know. That much magic in a person who hasn't had any before is dangerous."

Elizabeth sighed. "I know."

Jeremy is taken to the hospital for examination, and the MCI reconvenes near the school doors. The Sirens are with them too.

"Thank you for helping us, Mike. I think we would've died without you guys." Elizabeth brings Michael into a hug.

The MCI is confused. They tried to enslave the entire world last time they saw them and now Elizabeth is treating their leader as her brother?

"It's no problem. Just a thank you for helping us out."

Turns out Elizabeth had been visiting them and talking with them, and apparently had even convinced them to join the good side. They hardly ever used their Siren powers for anything malicious, usually just saving them for party tricks or real emergencies.

And then we get to Camp Everfree. The Sirens have re-enrolled in Canterlot High, and Jeremy has kind of joined their little clique. Turns out that having the magic of six borderline pony gods in a dude at once has some lingering effects, so Jeremy's learning to control his new magic. He's terrified he's going to slip back into Nightmare Mangle, but the reassurance from his ten (10!!) new friends can only go so far before he breaks.

Michael is determined to give his friends the most normal field trip of their lives. No magic weirdness, no powerups, no Siren junk, no nothing. Just being teenagers out in the woods.

Of course nothing can ever go to plan and Jeremy's magic starts misbehaving. The others are also having trouble with their powers, and the only people who know how to control it are the Sirens and Evan. So Cassidy finds a way to contact Evan, and he shows up.

"Hey, weren't you.."

"Yeah, trying to enslave humanity? That was a couple months ago, keep up."

So, they try and work on their magic, but a being known as Vanny Everfree shows up and wreaks havoc. (It's just their camp counselor, Vanessa A., using magic rocks she found in a cave.)

They have to power up to save the camp, but Jeremy's terrified. They try managing without him, but they are quickly overpowered.

Jeremy is forced to do a magical girl transformation, and it goes better than he hoped.

The Sirens are pretty useless here, so they're tasked with keeping people safe.

They do power explosion beams, raise money for the camp, and go on their merry way.

And they live happily ever after, fighting pony magic and being awesome.

That's it

[lightvsdark18]

Some responses to voicelines (Ruggie)

Hey, here's your prize! Shyeheehee, ain't it nice to be rewarded just for coming to school every day? You better be here tomorrow, too.

*confused and shunned to speak*

Why're you tryin' to look after me? You're such a weirdo.

What's wrong with wanting to help you out?

You really are such a goody-goody. Don't come cryin' to me if it bites you in the rear. Though depending on what it's about, I miiight be inclined to lend a helpin' hand.

Good to know, you brat.

Looks like I'm still growing. I gotta keep you around!

Oh, now you need me.

School Uniform

As they say, there's no such thing as a free lunch.

Unless someone else is paying for it.

Can you really afford to be spacing out?

... Maybe a little bit.

Need somethin' from me? I'll hear you out if you gimme something in return.

Like what?

I'm willing to keep an eye on Grim anytime you need a break. How's ten marks an hour sound?

... I'll think about it.

You gotta think about what you'll be doin' after graduation and act accordingly. Life doesn't end with graduation, y'know.

I'm fully aware of that, Ruggie. It's just hard when you have no motivation.

P.E. Uniform

I'm a whiz at sports. Well, I'm better than you, anyway.

I don't play sports, so you're really not complimenting yourself there, Ruggie.

Uuugh, I'm starving. I wanna gorge on sugary donuts dunked in milk until I pop.

... Chocolate donut holes.

You got on Coach Vargas' bad side? Just compliment his physique and all will be forgiven.

But he doesn't deserve compliments from me.

Labwear

You'd better stay away from the botanical garden. If you bother Leona while he's trying to nap... Ooh, I shudder to think.

You act like I haven't disturbed his naps before.

Jack is growing a cactus in his room. Is it for emergency rations or somethin'?

I think he's just growing it for fun.

When it comes to cooking, all I can do is throw together whatever's on hand, but it seems like Leona doesn't care as long as it's edible.

I have a cheap meal idea: rice, ground meat and taco seasoning.

I can tell you what was on last year's test. I'll even give you the friend discount!

I think I can handle the test on my own, thanks though.

Ceremonial Robes

You don't know about this school's history? But you GO here!

That doesn't mean I'll look up the history. I shouldn't even be here.

How about a nice picture of you in your robes to remember the occasion? It's just ten thaumarks a copy! What a steal, right?

Really, Ruggie?

Ugh, I'm beat. I'm always so tense durin' formal ceremonies, since I'm not used to them yet. How about you?

I get fidgety from sitting for so long.

Your makeup's smudged. It's okay, I'll fix it. Don't worry, I used to do this as a part-time job!

Oh, okay.

Dorm Uniform

Who just stepped foot in my territory?

I got leftover cookies.

I'm heading to the cafeteria with Leona. Wanna come with? Havin' another gofer will make things a lot easier.

*shakes head playfully*

The most important thing on the savanna is to never let your guard down. If you do… you'll be someone's dinner!

Grim, he meant you'll get bullied.

Even if you can't use magic, there're plenty of ways you can make up for it. Want the whole lecture?

No, not really.

Gala Couture

I used to babysit the neighborhood kids back when I lived in the slums. I'd make 'em flower crowns like this.

Aw.

Leona looked almost princely in his fairy getup. ...Wait, duh. He IS a prince.

But he doesn't act like one.

Easy there. If this outfit gets wrinkled, Professor Crewel's gonna chew our heads off.

He can kiss my ass, I don't want to be here.

Halloween

You better run if you don't want your treasure plundered!

What happens if I don't have treasure for you to steal?

Hmm. Pie, gratin, soup… Oh, don't mind me. Just debating what to do with all the pumpkin guts we scooped outta the jack-o'-lanterns.

... I think the soup because it's chilly out. Heh, pumpkin donuts.

Did you see what Ortho did to scare people? He'd ambush 'em and blast loud screams and banging sounds. The way people jumped and freaked out was hilarious!

I hope he doesn't do that to me cause that hurt me than scare me.

It's a Halloween night packed with ghosts. You might wanna take off now if you don't wanna get scared.

You're saying this to a horror fan. The fun is just starting.

Pirate ships remind me of this time I worked on a cruise ship and got real seasick. Luckily, I adjusted after a few days at sea. a price, of course.

You worked on a cruise?

[the-ultimate-pie-family]

The welcome part 1

Pinkie pie was cooking breakfast since she always woke up early she was cooking a giant breakfast because she sent invitations to some of her of her pie sisters and her gf then party and candy knocked on the castle door pinkie open the door with her magic letting them in party and candy was surprised at how giant the castle was party then got a little cold hooves she wanted to turn back but she must know then she saw pinkie pie her heart dropped fainting all she heard was candy yelling to wake up party hours went by party woke up in a bed ugh... my head party saw a note and a cup of hell tea party slowly sipped the tea reading the note the note said

"Greetings, Miss Party. we hope you ok and when your ready food is almost done and i hope we can be best friends with love pinkie pie"

Party drinked the tea, then walked out and then heard kids fighting more like wrestling. Then she saw a wall get destroyed while two mare were wrestling the mare on top did an elbow drop then pinned her party counted one......two.......three the bell went off party raised the mare hoof in victory the winner is what's your name my dear the mare said day then party said the winner day the siblings cheered for day then midnight gave party a hug miss pie your here? Party explained that their grandma wanted to up and talk, then Pinkie pie called for breakfast. The kids ran downstairs as party got stopped by the mare named day she turned staring at a day, confused something wrong? Day stared at party so what are you like my grandma pinkie twin sister party said no. Then what are you? A clone? Then Princess luna appeared behind day. day food now party was shocked at luna coming here out of nowhere but party bowed in respect luna sighed miss pie please don't do that party stood up saying sorry. Day walked past party going to eat party stood nervously as luna stared at her. There's no need to be nervous. Party, i know what you are. My little brothers have been watching you from the start party started to sweat a-am i gonna die?....... That's not my call, my dear, that's one of my brothers jobs. Party was confused, and how can your brothers be the judgment on life? Then blood walked out of his room morning Big sis blood yawned using his magic to rub his eyes don't party he's blind i am be blind luna but i can still hear you talking shit blood summoned a magic hand wanting to shake party's hoof nice to meet you party pie. party shuck the magic hand nice seeing you the first time mr pie party noticed bloods body was badly damaged and patched together with stitches and staples then blood said do you have manners miss pie because it's rude to stare then luna smacked blood be nice she's new sorry for my little brother attitude his mom need to punish him like she punishes you sister blood luna stop fighting before i come up there and hit you both till party heard candy screaming party ran downstairs seeing the pie kids wrestling with candy then they saw party she felt her heart beat quickly thinking she fuck up running downstairs crap..... they kids jumped at party but got stopped by magic she turned around seeing Pinkie pie using magic kids, it's breakfast time, blood luna. Surprise, Jr., get your asses down here now and bring your daughter Surprise she needs to eat. Thank you, party, my dear distance sister, how are you, my dear is your realm ok? Candy got up, you were crazy fun, then candy felt getting dusted off by magic sit miss candy party sit please kids wash up now pinkie threw the kids upstairs one by one the kids were running back downstairs sitting waiting to eat then a hole in the floor appeared along came a stallion but a halfbreed of a goat and a pony then a tiny mare climbed on top of his head daddy who are those ponies? Surprise, Jr. replied with those grandma Pinkie's distance pie sister and her gf pinkie hugged leysa, kissing her leysa, my cutie pie. Grammy, you're embarrassing in front of the guest party, and candy giggled in silence. Blood luna don't make me come up there. Blood then teleported downstairs near the coffee pot, pouring some coffee. You might have to check on your gf, and then instantly, blood got hit with a cast iron pan dropping him unconscious party, and candy giggled, but day was curiously eyeing party, but party felt day watching her like she knew something terrible then midnight hit day with the same cast iron pan knocking her out cold the kids busted laughing then party looked at midnight as she winked at party giving her signal to calm down daddy day is doing it again.

Then, out of nowhere, blood got up day breaker pie outside now party heard the name day breaker her heart dropped scared she coughed um where's your bathroom? Midnight said upstairs candy. You go too candy, agreed helping party to the bathroom thanks babe that name made me scared what day breaker? Yeah party replied with then they bumped into Pinkie and luna. How's your visit so far besides the day thing. Yeah, my ex sister is terrible sometimes, but cute. So it's true she really is dead in this realm. Pinkie replied with yes, but she has been untimed by blood daughter glass. Party felt a little better, but why was she staring at me? She does that for her dad's protection. Wait, who's after blood? Candy asked, then luna replied with, "Who isn't after him? Party and candy were confused about what luna said, there confused babe pinkie kissed luna cheek. Are you two a couple? Party asked curiously, "You might say that we're a couple, but Pinkie here helped me in my darkest time. How? Candy asked more, curious. We'll it happen when luna had to kill my son, but I'm passed that, but when she came back, I started looking for her myself. When Pinkie found me, she proposed to me, and we secretly got married. My son blood was the one who married us, and we have been together ever since we wanted a kid, but Pinkie started crying. it's Ok love luna hugged pinkie tight pinkie lost her womb from what discord did to her but blood is working on a new womb for my lovely pinkie luna kissed pinkie. Have you guys tried for a kid yet, or did you guys try to adopt? Well, we're waiting is all candy said. Understandable luna kissing Pinkie. It took us a while to talk about our past even though Pinkie is still the same mare I loved when I got banished to the moon. And I don't plan on changing hot stuff. But why did you get banished to the moon, actually? Well, babe, you wanna tell the story Pinkie asked. Sure, the reason I got banished to the moon is because when my little brother killed butchershy, he went on a rampage, killing off half of ponyville that made my dead sister mad in raged before she got there I had to do the ultimate sacrifice I changed to my nightmare moon form and killed blood with a special dagger and sliced open his throat he fell bleeding out when my sister got there amd banished me for a thousand years but when I came back pinkie found me and slapped me for killing blood but well you probably get the rest. We ran away for a thousand years to catch up time in the middle of the thousand years we got married and started planning to make a new family, but we got a hiccup. Will you guys ever leave again? Party asked curiously? Yes, our thousand years isn't over, so whenever our hiccup is fixed, we'll leave again. Where will you guys go? Candy asked. If we tell you it wouldn't be a secret. Oh luna your so spicy. Plus, I hear kids coming, luna tackled Pinkie into a room. Then 20 kids were running fighting for King of the Hill, and the king of the hill was party and candy since they were at the top, then two weapons were dropped in front of party and candy they picked them up defending there ranks they were out numbered 23 to two.

leyas came up first, but day was right behind her. leyas threw fireballs while day went full. kombat day jumped, party striked day down while candy blocked the firefalls then rave came in the picture throwing magic shears candy grabbed day using her as a shield then throws her at rave stabbing her then belle came up tackling party then getting kicked off by candy throw me candy didn't question it and threw party at leyas leyas blocked power punching party in her face breaking her jaw party fought through the pain and power stomped on leyas then throws her at belle while choking candy. It's about time, babe party helped up candy. You ok candy? I'm fine, are you? Sore later, but this is fun. Let's keep going they both slammed their staff, pulsing the kids aside, the only two standing in blood and surprise jr the hill will be ours mortals said surprise jr then candy said over our dead bodies gods blood then said finally two worthy opponents our battle will be legendary party then breathed fire at surprise jr burning then blood teleported in front of party stabbing her with his vampire wings candy tail whipped blood then back kicks him in his back then party kneed blood breaking his nose then surprise jr jumped over blood blasting party to the floor but he looked down seeing the staff stabbing him he smirked falling babe help please party smacked blood with the staff across his skull candy got up dusting herself off awesome party was excited they won but not yet blood blasted party busting her skull open then surprise jr got up body slamming candy to the floor but party and candy got up instantly party is beraly conscious from her busted skull and her stab wounds blood spited teeth out while surprise jr is bleeding out candy swong her staff at surprise jr busting his skull open then blood swing at candy then party out of nowhere blasted blood in the face breaking her hoof but fought threw the pain and launched blood down the hallway then midnight side kicked party to the wall then candy grabbed midnight using her to attack surprise jr while party gets up then B came up giving candy a power elbow cracking her right eye socket then party swong the staff at B knocking her out candy you ok? Candy got up as half of her face was bigger from pain and bursing it was instantly black blood then teleported, giving candy a deadly punch in her chest, making her heart slowly stop, then kick back up then candy kicked blood backward breaking his back then punit blood down the hallway but party was getting ripped apart by the kids till nothing but bones. Party!!!!!!!!....... then party's skeleton got up fighting off the kids. we will be king babe, look out candy blocked surprise jr hell keyblade with her staff then surprise jr spitted in candy eyes blinding her then party started lauching the pie kids at surprise jr slowing him down candy you ok yeah I can't see though candy felt nervous they'll lose till she heard the hooves of surprise jr running for her she stabbed her staff in surprise jr in his left shoulder then gives him a power upper cut knocking his head winning the game

Tags for party pie and candy streamer at @ask-party-pie

[burgerrat]

I know it's been like a month since this post OP u probably already did your presentation.... but I still want to share my experience with MLP! 😄

So I want to start off by clarifying that I have always had a special interest for ANYTHING horror since I was a child. Slashers and villains, monsters and unspeakable horrors (especially if very colorful) have always caught my attention more than anything else and brought me comfort since I can remember.

So obviously, during the peak of my creepypasta phase- you bet I was absolutely enamoured with Cupcakes and Rainbow Factory. Hilariously enough when I was a kid I thought MLP, as in the show itself, was just for little girls (I had never watched it until recently in my 20's, and if I said I did when I was a kid I was likely lying to seem like I knew about something that I assumed most knew about as to not seem stupid; I went with what most thought of the show at the time) and then as soon as there were creepypastas about MLP my brain was like "hell yeah. This is the shit. Now me liking ponies is 100% justified. Not like the, ugh, ORIGINAL girly content🙄 sure they might still be horses with funny markings on their butts but now they're SCARY horses with funny markings on their butts. You must have a 200+ IQ to understand the difference" 💀

If you remember the Happy Tree Friends Cupcakes Crossover series on youtube u a real one (Creepybloom my beloved💜)

This fixation on the creepypastas around MLP eventually drove me to making my first OC, which was, at first, a relatively wholesome and innocent alicorn but when I entered my edgy art phase due to irl issues I fell down the rabbit hole of making my poor character based off of Pinkie Pie's sadistic character in Cupcakes and she became a serial killer that killed just for fun and her cutiemark was all scribbled out because for me it was #deep.

Looking back now I really do think that back then on the inside I really wanted to enjoy the MLP series as it was but was too scared/ashamed to actually watch and wanting to buy merch of it. So instead I looked for an excuse to tip toe around it without actually watching the original thing because it was 'childish', and since I loved horror and, in a way, it was considered to be something people took more seriously because it was 'scary', at the time I think I saw it as the perfect opportunity.

Now let's go back to the present, where I finally actually watched the show itself after making friends with a brony, seeing them enjoy the show as it was and making OCs about it made me think "what the hell I might as well dip my toes into the forbidden pool I've been avoiding since I was 13." And I'm so glad I did because you would not believe how satisfying it felt to finally watch this fucking thing. It felt like drinking water at three AM.

Just indulging in something that was only colorful and whimsical. Without horror being the main focus. No 'double meaning' behind those happy faces and colors. It brought me joy and scratched that itch in my brain that's been there for years.

I'm not sure how to describe what exactly calls to me about the show? It's a mixture of a lot of things. Before I ever watched it, it was definitely the colors and character design. Rainbow Dash specifically. I LOVE her look. Always have. Her cutiemark is one of my absolute favourites for some reason. I want to get it tattooed on me someday. Her character stands out to me more than any other of the Mane 6 probably because of the rainbow hair. There's just something about the abundance in colors that's almost hypnotic to me. I want to know all about it, I just need it. I'm not sure if that's an autism thing but I wouldn't be surprised lol. Vivid colors, especially if the character has many, are always what catches my eye first before anything else visually.

Now that I have seen the show, I enjoy it for many more other reasons of course. I relate to it. The 'moral lessons' at the end of each episode in the first seasons were genuinely helpful as someone who greatly struggles with social stuff and is very anxious. I get to finally learn and know about Rainbow Dash's character which I've only ever speculated and theorized about since I was a kid when I hadn't yet watched the show. My favourite episode with her is the one where she has to stay at the hospital a few days and becomes obssessed reasing the Daring-Do books, yet tries to hide her newfound interest from her friends because she doesn't want to admit she likes something as 'lame' as reading compared to her love for doing extreme sports- it really made me feel seen given my whole joker backstory centered around avoiding watching MLP when younger because it was 'childish' compared to my love for horror movies ejdnsnsb

I think RD in particular has appealed to me most instead of like, the whole show? At the end of the day she's the backbone of what peaked my interest for MLP. I loved her. Even before getting into the creepypastas I was hypnotized by her character design and rainbow mane in particular. I'd rewatch My Little Dashie on repeat hoping one day maybe I'd find my own rainbow horse in a box, which'd also give me an excuse to finally watch the show so I'd learn what to do for her to grow up to be The Rainbow Dash lol.

Princess Luna/Nightmare Moon and Discord may be my current favourites right now, but RD has a special place in my heart I can't deny.

Hi guys! im doing an oral presentation for my class on why my little pony has attracted such a large autistic audience. if anyone (that’s autistic, or just neurodivergent in some way) wants to share, id be really interested in hearing why the show appeals to you and how it’s affected/touched your autism. thank u /)

[shankss-magnificent-ass]

Imagine the WBP watching you adjust to their rustic lifestyle part 2

A bonus chapter to @ceylon-morphe286 ads thanks for commissioning me.

Out on the deck of the Moby Dick, at nighttime

You: *laying belly up and staring at the sky, moping because your phone battery has officially died*

Ace: *doesn't know how to comfort you, so he goes to get back up*

Marco: They explained it to us, but I still don't get why it's such a big deal?

Izou: Of course you don't, you've always lived here, you don't know what it's like to leave an entire life behind. Plus the phone dying means they won't even get to look at pictures of their friends, family, and pets anymore.

Thatch: yeah, and they're loosing all possible contact with everyone and everything they hold dear.

Ace: Exactly, how do we make them feel better?

Izou: we be there for them. *Walks out from the corner they were hiding behind, and lays over next to you*

Marco, Ace, and Thatch: *follow suit, and lay down*

Izou: Hey kid, how are you holding up?

You: I can't tell if I'm dissociating or if I was making a bigger deal out of it than it was.

Marco: Probably dissociating.

Thatch: *elbows him*

You: hmm, I'll trust your judgement as a doctor.

Ace: is there anything we can do to make this... easier on you?

You: this helps, my friends and I used to do this back home, and we'd talk about the constellations. Like you see those three stars there *gestures at the stars* those look like Orion's belt, only a lot dimmer.

Izou: *wait let me see* moves closer, so he can see, and a mirror rolls out of his yukata, onto the deck*

You: *looks in it and recognizes a constellation in its reflection* wait a minute, is that? ... No way, the constellations are reversed here... which means I can navigate with them.

Marco: okay, the grief of loosing your phone is making you talk crazy.

You: no no no, like I'll just need to tweak a few things. But once I have all the information sorted I can use them to find out where we are on the planet, and which way is north, and I can navigate from there. Like look that's Canis Minor, I can use that specific constellation. And that star there, that's barely visible, that's mercury. It's in retrograde, and it means we're fucked.

Ace: what in the grand line are you talking about?

Several astronomy and astrology lessons later

Ace: *eating his third serving of fish pie*

Marco: Ace's stomach is like a black hole, right?

You: *snorts* yeah, it kind of is

Ace: *overhears* in that case, I've got a white hole in the back, called "brown-eye"

Izou: * takes a long judgmental sip from a cup of tea*ugh classic leo moon.

Ace: hey what's that supposed to men! *Whips his head in your direction* what does that mean (y/n)!

You: *too busy laughing to answer*

Ace: Marco, what's it mean!

Marco: do not look at me, I had no interest in the astrology lessons.

Thatch: *knows what it means but plays coy.*

Izou: *proud of his sick burn*

Commissions

[dark-and-kawaii]

𝓟𝓪𝓲𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 : Sukuna x Reader - Nanami x Reader - Itadori x Reader - Gojo x Reader - Fushiguro x Reader

𝓦𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 : None - Degrading Pet Names - Fluff - Gojo being Gojo - Itadori being Itadori - Sukuna being Sukuna LOL

𝓐𝓾𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓻𝓼 𝓝𝓸𝓽𝓮 : I’m just going to go ahead and add a few more characters to this since i find it fun <3 thank you for the compliment babe :3 yes i am taking questions for jujutsu!!! I really enjoy all the characters from jujutsu xoxo so im excited as well <3 @sukunaspet

Sukuna isn’t going to be calling you anything cute whatsoever so if you’re looking for that when it comes to this guy just do yourself a favor and don’t fall down the rabbit hole more. You won’t ever hear him call you babe, sweetheart, cute animal nicknames, just no... None of that. 

Pet

Little One -If he really likes you-

Whore

Onna (woman)

Play Thing

Pretty little fuck toy -If he really likes you-

CockSleeve

Bitch In Heat

Any degrading/every degrading name in the book 

Expect these and nothing else. If he doesn’t like you or he’s just using your tight cunny for his own pleasure he’ll never call you, little one. 

If he really likes you and wishes to keep you around longer than a day -a couple years- you might hear him slipup and call you darling, but that’s a very rare slipup and he will immediately threaten you or ignore it. 

If he’s deemed you important/ his lover then he will call you little one. You’re so small compared to him. Sometimes when he calls you by this little name his lips will curl into a malicious smile, you’re so damn weak and small... he could easily crush you or pierce your heart with his sharp nails... yet you stay by his side. Damn. He wishes he could kill you right now, but sadly he can’t bring himself to do that... He’ll just make you cry instead! “Onna! Where are you!?” Smiling like the devil, Sukuna waits for his pretty little thing to run up to him. 

Nanami Kento is a MAN, he isn’t a boy nor is he Sukuna. He respects you, loves you, cherishes you and would do absolutely anything for you. 

His nicknames are simple, basic, but hold so much love and UGH you just can’t get enough of him honestly. 

Darling

Sweetheart

Love

Beloved

Beautiful

Every night before bed he will always cup your face and rest his forehead on your very own and call you by one of the nicknames he’s given you. And just as he pulls away from you he will tell you to stop worrying so much about him when he’s at work. That he will always come back to you at the end of the day to hold you in his arms. *sobbing* 

Whenever you brew him coffee in the morning or make him a sandwich you can’t help but get all giddy because you know the moment he comes into the room and see’s you’ve thought of him he will say, “Thank you, love.” or “Thank you sweetheart” while grabbing his cup of coffee and pulling your back into his chest. 

Nanami is a smart man who keeps an eye on you, he knows when you’re worried or something is on your mind, “Darling, what is it? Tell me please.”

He’s just a good guy ya know, he doesn’t want to call you sexy because he finds it to be quite douchey. He doesn't want you to feel like he’s objectifying you because you’re so much more than that. You’re beautiful, stunning, a goddess.

Itadori... Oh... Oh Itadori how i love and cherish that breathtaking smile of yours, but omg... Don’t ever call someone pumpkin again... please.

He’s new okay, he’s not used to this whole nickname thing. You’re his first serious relationship/first person he’s ever taken interest in...

So *facepalm* when you walked out of your house one day in the cutest dress with your hair all done and makeup he just got all red and blurted out “You look so good pumpkin!” Where yes, you thought it was cute but it also reminded you of when your parents would call you that or your grandma... It kinda made you feel like he was your dad... and not in the daddy kind of way.

He actually really likes the nickname. why? No one knows, but oh well you do let him say it here and there since you’ve grown accustomed to it. And honestly you find it so endearing when he says it now, he's found a way to not make it so cringe.

Peach / Peaches -He loves your ass-

Babe

Princess

Bunny

Beautiful 

Baby

Butt -He loves your ass-

You can’t lie to yourself, whenever Itadori calls you any of these your heart absolutely skips a beat. Sometimes you swear its stops completely because that big genuine smile he holds on his face is just for you, the nickname is just for you, all his love is just for you. 

Princess, bunny, and butt are three of his favorites. Princess and Bunny because he calls you them when he’s jerking his hips into you. Butt because he can’t ever keep his hands off your ass and well he just likes the way it sounds when he says it to you. “Hi butt!” or “Why’re you so short butt” -if you’re shorter than him-. Nuzzling into you Itadori always says, “Goodnight, butt. I love you.” and there it is again, that puppy dog smile of his. He’s such a good boy.

Gojo Satoru... This man, WHO’S MAN IS THIS!? I- *sigh* The nicknames/pet names are freaking endless... Like, you’ve even learned new words because of this.

But his favorites are:

Kitten

Bunny

Princess 

Naughty

Stink -Yup he calls you stink-

Wifey -Even if you aren’t married-

Babe

Darling

Meanie 

Sweetie Pie

Snookums -He’s cringe-

Like Sukuna, Gojo will call you so many degrading names and i just can’t type all that out unless people really want me to but the list is ENDLESS.

You’re probably wondering, why stink? Right? Well one day you had terrible morning breath and thus, “Stink” was added to Gojo’s nickname list for you. He says it A LOT, especially in the mornings... Always in the mornings... Sorry reader.

Before even being married Gojo was calling you “wifey” sometimes you found it endearing, other times you wanted to punch him. “~Ohhhh! Look at these mochi, should we get some wifey? We could bring some to the kiddos!” Holding the strawberry one up to you he whispers, “Or i could put it on your nipples and ea-” Kicking him in the head you shut him up before the old woman can hear him... Cause let’s face it, he wasn’t being all that quiet on purpose.

During more serious moments with him he calls you darling, he knows you need to hear genuine names and this is one he finds to be genuine. “Darling, come sit in my lap. Please?” Skipping up to him you bounce all cutesy into his lap, “Look at my cute bunny get all excited to sit in daddy’s la-” “Satoru!” “Meanie!!!”

Fushiguro Megumi is on par with Nanami when it comes to nicknames. He’s not going to be calling you sexy or cocksleeve or anything much like that unless you bring it up and say you want him to. Even if you bring it up he’s going to feel a bit awkward and debate on whether he should actually do it or not.

He respects you and wants to treat you like a queen, but at the same time nicknames just really aren’t his thing. 

You’ll be lucky to hear him say Sweetheart. Fushiguro mainly sticks to your actual name...

I’m sorry but you’re going to have to be the one to push him into nicknames and try to get him to be more comfortable with them. 

There is one though, one he holds dear to his heart because you’re what helps keep his heart beating. Besides his friends, you’re someone who makes him want to live a long life.

My Love

“Thank you, my love. For everything.”

~ 𝓛𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝓚𝓲𝔀𝓲 𝔁𝓸𝔁𝓸

[icarusredwings]

GAASSSSPPP OH MY GODDD THANKIES!!! Look at his little cuppie and his pinkie pie book bag!! He soooo has a pinkie pie book bag that he takes to the park. Ugh, I love this kind of subtly though because anyone who's met Wade would glance at him and be like, "Oh yeah, that's just Wade. Hes kinda weird." But everyone who actually KNOWS him would know that he's not just "being weird. " infact hes having a lot of fun right now, and you leave him, be 🤨 he's doing nothing wrong.

I absolutely ADORE the Hulk socks and the Wolvie socks. Puppins in a yellow sweater!? Him being worried and considerate for puppins falling through the holes is SUCH a kid wade thing.

Whining that they need to bring a blankie and Logan questioning why, but Wade can't really explain it, just keeps saying 'But kitty, puppy needs it!'. Logan is trying to explain that she has a sweater, so she doesn't need a blanket only for wade to start crying because 'Now puppins can't play!' Logan sees how genuienly upset he is and figures oh well, theyll bring it and the worst thing that can happen is its stolen or peed on by puppins but is suprised when he stuffs the blanket in the swing and ever so gently puts her in.

She wags her tail and can't swing high but is glad to he included. The sight makes logans heart warm and wonder if he should start trusting him more when it comes to seemingly "silly" ideas like this one that actually, in reality, hold big importance. ❤️❤️❤️❤️🥺🥺🥹🥹

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

Hi! Do you accept agere related requests?

I really like collecting doodles of what people think "little" #Kid Wade or #widdlewolvie looks like.

You can find text and my doodles of him on my blog with those tags 🥰

They can be doing anything, but I think him being stary eyed or swigging in the park would be really cute. Bonus points if puppins or more "childish" clothing!

You can Dm me for questions!

Hii!!! I've never done any agere art b4 but I'm totally open to it! Him swinging in a park sounded adorable so I put him with Mary Puppins in a swing set :3

His mlp backpack n Spiderman hoodie, too. Also, he put a blanket in the baby swing for Mary so she doesn't fall through. I hope you like it :))

[quandaryqueen]

My thoughts on each Riddler

I have a fever and was feeling like I need to state my mind about each individual Riddler there in Batman medium. Obviously not including all of them because the comic book universe is heavily convuled.

This piece is brought to you by me and my delirious ass, enjoy. This doesn't follow any criteria, it's just me going off. As this progresses, I grow unhinged.

💚 Gotham 7/10

My first ever Riddler crush, he's the one who introduced me to the Riddler rabbit hole and the reason why I watched Gotham. Love the season one counterpart because I'm a softie for tall ass dork with glasses who are inherently pathetic. But then season 2 rolled around and I find myself wanting this little bitch to submit to me because like... Nothing fills me with satisfaction than see dominant people fall to their knees in submission.

Though I absolutely hated the relationship he has like, really? Isabella? Lee? Aight before anyone of you comes at me, I love those two gals but not just WITH Eddie. Tbh I stopped watching Gotham because of school works and EdLee. Like, omg kill me.

💚 Young Justice 7/10

He's barely appeared in it, but like, 👁️👅👁️ awooga I knew I've always liked them dweeby nerds. First I wasn't into his voice (cough because I have a thing for voices too) but like it grew on me and god I'd kill to hear his voice crack.

Idk why, I find it adorable when voice cracks it's just so stinken cute ugh. Like this boy sputtering out amid a conversation, flustered, can't even be coherent, then his voice cracks so he reddens more in embarrassment and cover his face?

Okay but anyways, yea I love him. Wished we had more of this little bitch. I like my men flustered and unable to talk from it, thank you very much. I want to break his pelvis by riding him and make him unable to speak and walk properly for the next few days.

💚 Arkhamverse 8/10

This pathetic washed out sewer rat has my neck in a chokehold of love, I LOVE HIM YOUR HONOUR! JRNFNDJCJ it's just that he's so... Rat looking. Though I must say, I have my eyes in his more... Sane looking days at Origin, so fucking sassy and sarcastic and cute and adorable and pretty and look at his slappable ass.

Thoo, I just know if I were to be in a relationship with a person like him irl, I'd fucking leave at like day 3 because your girl, this girl has seen enough red flags and can't really be bothered to take care of men who treat you like trash.

But anyways! I like this dude, he's so well-written and god I'm such a slut that I didn't even played the games and yet I simp and write for this dude like I know his entire story.

💚 Harley Quinn 7/10

Sarcastic, sassy, bitchy, smart, BUFF! God with every muscle he gains the more he loses his smarts, but I don't mind 👀

Since Harley Quinn is getting season three soon, I wish he will have more screen time because gosh I live for this bastard and every single quips he has with other characters.

💚 Batman the animated series 8/10

Honey pie, sugar bunch 🥰

Man got me smiling like a dork, this dork is just ugh. I love him, there's nothing more to say.

💚 The war of jokes and riddles 7/10

THIS MAN CAN MAKE ME DO THINGS WITH A SINGLE LEER AT MY DIRECTION, YES I AM AT HIS DISPOSAL JUST KEEP LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT. TALK DIRTY? NAH, RIDDLE ME DADDY~

💚 Batman Unburied 8/10

This man had singlehandedly revived my voice kink, ik ik I'm a crazy bitch but some people can have me at the tip of their fingers with their voices alone, get me?

I love how fucking annoying and irritating he is but at some point something about him broke my heart like um??? SIS YOU DESERVE BETTER 😭

But like, every time he speaks my eyes are hearts and I'm beaming like an idiot.

Also, iconic bitch 👌

Hah jencjdjfif can't wait for season two, aka more him.

💚 The Batman 2022 8/10

Get this incel away from me—

Okay at a portrayal standpoint, I love the acting of Paul Dano and the new flavour he brought for the new Riddler. He's scary, I was unnecered at him screaming, the Ave Maria singing activated my fight or flight response, but personally I like my Riddlers yassified.

But yea, I love this adaptation, but would I fuck? No ahahahahhahaha

[phoenix-manga]

Babysitting Pokemon 101

Crowley thought it would be a good idea to help the students familiarize themselves with Pokemon by getting to know one personally. And what better way to do that than have Phoebe let the dorms babysit the baby Pokemon she has on her.

Heartslabyul + Happiny

“Phoebe, you don’t have to worry! Trey is good with children and nothing will go wrong! As the dorm leader, I promise you that everything will be perfect”

⊖ Happiny was a dearie to babysit in Heartslabyul. It followed Trey and Riddle around and would emulate what they were doing. Trey was baking sweets in the kitchen? Happiny is carrying a mixing bowl and keeping watch of the oven. 

⊖ Riddle needs the roses painted red? Happiny is already there with its own brush full of red paint, though it might need a bit of lifting up due to the height.

⊖ Needless to say, Happiny is probably one of the easiest to look after... At least until Cater got distracted by the likes he got for posting its adorable pictures that he realized Happiny was gone. He panics and runs around the dorm looking for the Pokemon.

Eventually, Riddle finds out and he storms up to Cater and was shaking him silly while yelling at how could he be so caught up in his phone that he failed to realize that the baby was walking off. 

⊖ Ace and Deuce was tasked to assist him in finding Happiny or else he’d have their heads. Not wanting to anger the dorm leader, they sprinted off and searched from top to bottom for Happiny.

⊖ They eventually found it in the rose maze, Happiny came upon white round stones it found in a clover patch. Cater got out of his punishment for being collared but Riddle confiscated his phone. Which was just as bad as getting collared, according to Cater.

Savanaclaw + Chingling

“Ugh... Why did that stupid headmaster have to force this thing on me? Ruggie, you take care of it, it looks like it’ll make too much noise and ruin my naps”

⊖ Ruggie was forced to look after Chingling because Leona doesn’t care much for looking after the baby Pokemon at all. The hyena thinks it’s going to be difficult and though Jack has experience with kids, this kids is... not quite like a person he’s used to.

⊖ To their surprise, Chingling was actually very helpful! It used Heal Bell after their practice in magift and everyone felt rejuvenated. Ruggie was definitely changing his tune about looking after it, but he still kept in mind that its an unknown animal and makes sure not to irritate it. 

⊖ From what he heard from Phoebe, this one can... make a noise that’s very loud if it feels threatened. And considering this is a dorm filled with students with sensitive hearing... that’s a chaotic combo.

⊖ One day, a few senior students at the dorm were arguing with the juniors on who gets to have Chingling use its Heal Bell on, things were getting aggressive and Chingling was starting to grow anxious.

⊖ Then it happened. It let out a wail by using Uproar that got the students in the area to collapse to the ground while holding their ears to try and stop that deafening sound. But it was useless because it just got louder the more they try to get it to stop.

⊖ Leona fell off his bed when his eardrums were assaulted by that hideous racket. Ruggie tried to coax it to stop but it didn’t work, not even him offering his precious donuts would get it to stop crying. Jack transformed into his wolf form and curled around Chingling who started to settle down and snooze into his soft fur. He was hailed as a savior.

⊖ When Leona showed up and was about to start yelling, Ruggie actually rushed to him to shove a donut in his mouth before he could start roaring which could cause Chingling to cause another Uproar again.

⊖ Ruggie is going to regret it later but right now he needs Leona to shut his damn pie hole unless he wants the entire dorm to go deaf!

Octavinelle + Mantyke

“This little fish will be no trouble at all for me! I can assure you that my dorm is fit to look after your precious creature”

⊖ Azul was confident that he can look after Mantyke without any sort of trouble. But he underestimated how much energy it has and how much it hated a limited space. Mantyke was fine with swimming in his office with the corals and fishes in his aquarium. 

⊖ He though it was cute as it greets him through the glass. Floyd was loving how slippery it was when he placed his hands in the tank to give it a small squeeze. But then it grew bored after an hour of being in the tank, and Azul was managing Mostro Lounge at this hour. So, it decided to “go” somewhere.

⊖ Needless to say, Azul let out a shriek when he sees Mantyke flopping about his office floor. He dropped what he was carrying and picked it up to put it back in the tank. He thought that was the end of it... until it kept happening.

⊖ Azul is puzzled and is stressing out at its unusual behavior. Floyd pointed out the obvious and simply stated that it wants to go somewhere. Thinking that it was a bit ridiculous until Jade agreed with his brother, he tried to relocate it.

⊖ He placed Mantyke in the tank that was in Mostro Lounge where it also has access to the open waters. There were no more incidents of flopping fish after that. He made note to give Floyd a raise in his paycheck.

⊖ Mantyke drew in more customers when it happily swam through the water in a display of a dance. Cater’s magicam post on it was also another reason to draw in the crowds.

⊖ Phoebe better keep Azul away from Mantyke, he’s thinking of capitalizing on this Pokemon’s adorableness.

Scarabia + Cleffa

“It’s a cute little baby! Phoebe said it as rumored to come from space, you think it’s a live wishing star?”

⊖ Cleffa was sort of easy to look after. As long as there is music, Cleffa is there dancing its strange moves. The Scarabia students didn’t mind, in fact they found it cute and some of the more energetic ones would try to emulate the dance which ended up being a hit trend on magicam.

⊖ They called it the “star dance”, Cleffa was just happy to have music to dance to. On the other hand, the majority of its other needs fell to Jamil’s hands as Kalim would sometimes forget that it needed to bathe or to be fed at this time.

⊖ Jamil finds Cleffa more tolerable to look after but he doesn’t like how Kalim’s forgetfulness causes too much trouble. Cleffa took notice of it and thought that the only solution to make him less grumpy... was to Sing at the next banquet.

⊖ All of the dorm students who were present at that party fell asleep to Cleffa’s Sing. Thinking it did the right thing, it proceeded to have a bit of food before sleeping on a pillow between Jamil and Kalim.

⊖ The next morning, there was a viral photo of the Scarabia dorm head and vice dorm head sleeping on the floor with their “child”, at least according to Cater’s description. Kalim laughs it off but Jamil, he is storming over to Cater and is going to shove that phone into his gut.

Pomefiore + Azurill

“What lesson can even come from looking after these creatures? It’s not like we’ll end up finding one in the wild anyway...”

⊖ Azurill was... a bit hard to look after. It cried when Phoebe handed it to Rook. It took a bit of consoling to get it to stop crying but it was still nervous of being in a different place. Vil tried to get it to stop shaking, assuming that the anxiety could cause it health problems as with all animals.

⊖ But it seems like it was too shy, often taking its food in the corner of his room and not leaving that spot until he leaves. Rook doesn’t help because he just scares the poor thing. Epel? No good either, he doesn’t know how to handle it when it cries.

⊖ His solution came when he tried to make a perfume that had a calming effect on the Pokemon. A quick visit to Ramshackle to see Azurill’s preferred environment and he has a solid idea on what to base the scent on. Nothing was too challenging for him when it comes to cosmetics.

⊖ He returns to his room to see if it works, at first, Azurill is trembling until it caught a whiff of the perfume. Azurill runs up to Vil, looking at him with curiosity. Vil feels good about his achievement in getting the little one to calm down, but it soon backfires on him because now it wants to stay by his side at all times. 

⊖ Thankfully, spraying Rook and Epel with the perfume was enough for him to get his personal space back. 

⊖ But he takes care not to spray the perfume on all three of them at once while around Azurill, the poor dear was so overwhelmed by the perfume that is got dizzy and felt a bit sick.

Ignihyde + Pichu

“W-Why did the headmaster rope me into taking care of this... It would have been fine if it was a tamagotchi, I can take care of old school pet games but this is out of my expertise!”

⊖ While it wasn’t as big and scary as the Metagross back then, Pichu seems keen on avoiding him since it was scared of him. It would always hide somewhere in the dorm and Ortho would scan the area to find it.

⊖ It misses Phoebe terribly and would sniffle and cry. It was quite problematic, neither Idia or the Pokemon want to be near each other or interact at all! Ortho was at a loss for a solution on what to do right now. Until he remembered that Pichu had difficulty in controlling its electricity, and Phoebe made a special ball toy for it to absorb the shock.

⊖ Maybe if his brother made it a toy, it would be willing to get along with him. At first, Idia was reluctant but since it was his brother who asked, he makes a fancy toy for Pichu. It was more of a small playhouse that had plenty of features that won’t malfunction from Pichu’s electric shocks.

⊖ Ortho carefully guided Pichu to the playhouse, upon seeing a new fun toy to play with, Pichu dashed towards it. It loved the new toy very much that it sparked electricity, but due to the absorption feature, the electric currents didn’t fly everywhere. 

⊖ Idia thinks that Pichu’s rather... cute... though he still kept his distance, at least he didn’t shut himself in his room this time. It was progress at least.

Diasomnia + All?!

“Lilia got carried away and told Crowley we can handle all the little creatures in our dorm... Sebek’s praises weren’t helpful either, fret not child of man. I’m sure we can handle them”

⊖ Lilia insisted that they take in all the baby Pokemon to Diasomnia. Phoebe is kind of nervous but Crowley doesn’t seem to mind and let loose the children.

⊖ Hoo boy... They were in for a chaotic time, first off all, Pichu and Azurill feel scared of the gothic style of the dorm. Second, Mantyke had to be carried in the mini pool by Sebek due to the lack of ocean to keep it from flopping out of its container. 

⊖ And third, Lilia was too lost in the happy playtime with the Pokemon that he couldn’t hear Sebek screaming when he got shocked by Pichu or Silver sleeping through Chingling’s Uproar.

⊖ Malleus held Cleffa in his arms though, he was very intrigued that they were classified as “Fairies” in Phoebe’s world. He quite enjoyed Cleffa’s little dance whenever he plays violin, he makes sure to play it whenever it was his turn to care for Cleffa.

⊖ Lilia tho... the man who started this mess was having way too much fun with the baby Pokemon. Surprisingly, Pichu and Azuril calmed down when he cradled them, probably due to his natural parental skills. But the moment he has to let Sebek or Silver take care of them, its back to chaotic shenanigans again.

⊖ Everyone in the dorm thinks that Lilia’s doing this so that both would let him take over their portion of the duty to spend more time with the baby Pokemon.

[crystalrose555]

Slap me, I dare you! pt.7

“Ugh, could someone just end me please, drop a dictionary on me or something.” Marley groaned as she flopped on the table.

“No need to be overly dramatic, Marley. Just be a bit more patient. And you should probably be a bit quieter, we are in RAD’s library.” Simeon replied as he flipped through his book.

“Patient? Simeon, it’s been three days and I’m still four inches tall. This is driving me crazy. On top of that, I swear I can feel the gloom and doom coming from the Seven Lords from here.”

“Well, I did say I would message Lucifer on your behalf. I still can if you want to.”

Marley got up to her feet and skated toward the towering angel on an icy trail. Simeon closed his book to give the minuscule woman his attention. From there, Marley grabbed a piece of paper which she promptly folded and propped up like a makeshift tent.

“Yeah, I’m not ready to deal with that can of worms yet. Especially when I’m only this tall, it kind of puts me at a disadvantage.”

“Alright, but you can’t avoid them forever.”

“Oh, I can try.” Marley answered as she flopped to the ground causing her floral ball gown to puff up as she tried to get the dress under control.

Simeon held back a laugh as he offered a finger to help press the air out of the excessive underskirt.

“Argh, why!? I thought I was done with this crap! I want normal clothes again!” She screamed as she tried to remove the gown entirely.

Simeon shook his head with a sigh as Marley tried to pull the dress over her head. Upon opening his eyes, Simeon felt his cheeks warm up as he saw part of Marley’s backside peeking out from between the layers. Instinctively, Simeon grabbed the back of her dress and pulled it back down.

“Hey, what the hell, Simeon!?”

“You shouldn’t get undressed in the middle of the library, Marley.” Marley growled at the angel only to snort and give up her attempt to destroy the only means of covering herself.

“Hmm...”

“What?”

“I wasn’t expecting you to have such a big birthmark on your lower back.” He commented.

Marley folded her arms and snorted once more in a tired fashion.

“It’s not a birthmark, it’s a tattoo. I’m just too small for you to see it.” She explained.

“Oh, does it have any special meaning to you? I heard people in the human realm get them for many different reasons.”

Marley’s shoulders sunken as she sheepishly looked away.

“Yeah, I was drunk with my best friend when I got it. One night we were wasted, the next day, I found out I got a tattoo and a nasty hangover. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to sleep this whole situation off like a bad hangover.” She claimed as she crawled into her tent.

Simeon couldn’t help but chuckle as he watched the indifferent selkie turn away from him and drift to sleep. Shaking his head, the angel carefully got up from the table to grab a different book.

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“And that concludes today’s council meeting. If there are no further questions, everyone’s dismissed.” Lucifer claimed as he straightened his papers into a file.

He watched as his brothers groaned and mumbled amongst themselves while heading toward the doors to the hallway. Lucifer held his temples and took a deep breath, it’s been three days and there was still no sign of Marley. He could only torture his brothers so much and his patience was on thin ice. He wanted to find her just to know that she was safe and once he found her safe and sound, he wished to punish her accordingly. However, his thoughts were interrupted by Lord Diavolo who approached him.

“Ah, Lord Diavolo, how can I help you?”

Diavolo cleared his throat a little before lowering his voice, keeping his concern private.

“I was wondering how Marley has been doing since her return to Devildom.”

Lucifer’s eyes widened a bit upon hearing his lord’s inquiry. He couldn’t lie to Diavolo as much as he didn’t want to tell him what had happened to the precious exchange student.

“She has made great strides in her studies but it’s currently hard to get in contact with her.” Lucifer vaguely answered.

“Ah, I see, I was hoping to finally have some time to see her again. Not to mention I have yet to give her my number.”

“Not to worry, once I find her, I will let her know.” Lucifer answered with a smile.

Diavolo, oblivious to the double meaning, gave a soft nod before exiting the room with Barbatos following close behind. Once he was out of sight, Lucifer rushed out of the room and hurried down the hallway where he could see his brothers in the distance. Caught up to Levi and Asmo, Lucifer grabbed both of them by their collars which made them jump.

“Lucifer, if you wanted my attention, you didn’t have to be so rough~” Asmo suggested coyly.

“I’m in no mood, Asmodeus. Have either of you found her yet?”

Levi tried to shake himself loose from his brother’s iron grip.

“N-No, but she has to turn up eventually, right? Marley’s a survivalist after all.” Levi offered with a shaky smile.

Lucifer’s eyes narrowed to the point that Levi could feel a hole being drilled into his head.

“Survivalist or not, I want her found sooner rather than later.” He answered coldly before roughly releasing his brothers from his grip.

Asmo and Levi watched Lucifer briskly walk down the corridor and around the corner before giving a collective sigh.

“How come I’m getting the rough treatment? I didn’t lose her.” Asmo pouted.

Levi just looked at his prissy brother as he rubbed the back of his neck gingerly. While he was upset with Asmo’s insensitivity, deep down he knew he was at fault and the thought of anything happening to Marley had been dragging him down and running him ragged. Asmo’s eyes glimmered for a moment as he noticed his brother turning away from him.

“Levi, you know I didn’t mean anything by that, right?”

“I know but I don’t need you rubbing it in. Marley is lost in Devildom because of me and Beel. And the fact that we haven’t found her yet is destroying me. I haven’t felt this bad since I played Devil’s Labyrinth 4 on Brutal difficulty for twenty-six hours straight.”

Asmo gently patted Levi’s shoulder.

“Think of the bright side, Beel didn't smell any of her blood and Satan checked all of his cats and didn’t find her.”

“Great, that just means something else ate her in one bite.” Levi frowned.

Suddenly, Levi’s D.D.D. vibrated in his pocket aggressively as Asmo’s chimed in his. Pulling out their phones, both brothers entered the group chat and read the posted message with wide eyes that only grew wider as the meaning sunk in. A simple message that stated, “I found her.”

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Marley wiggled her nose as she tried to curl up in a tighter ball. Little did she know, she was surrounded by demons who were holding back their various emotions. There she was, sleeping on a table in the library, encircled by Satan, Beelzebub and Belphie. By the time Asmo and Levi came into the library, the trio had already pulled their phones out and was taking pictures. Levi’s knees grew weak as he approached the table, feeling all sorts of relief seeing his Henry was safe and knowing that he wouldn’t have to withstand any more punishment from Lucifer. Suddenly, his legs gave out as he squatted next to the table, his eyes locked with Marley’s sleeping form.

“...H-How?” He barely managed out.

“Beel tracked her with his nose. I’m surprised that he managed it from across RAD.” Satan answered.

Beel sighed, half in relief and half in disappointment, as he held his wrist.

“I smelt Luke’s Cloud Chess Pie and I thought I could get some if I followed the scent. Marley’s definitely better than pie but now I really want pie.”

“See, now that I’m not surprised by.” Belphie retorted with a chuckle.

“Nevermind all that, all that matters is that Marley’s safe and sound~” Asmo chirped, only to be shushed by Satan.

“Asmo, quiet, are you trying to wake her up?” Satan scolded.

“Why not?”

“Because we have no idea how she got here. What if she has some sort of enchantment on her? Look at her, have you ever seen Marley dressed like this?”

“Yeah, maybe she was kidnapped by some demon stalker.” Belphie flatly claimed.

“Who would have the horns!?” Levi squealed out with his face turning red from rage.

“Would you shut up!? I’m trying to sleep!” Marley screamed as she sat up in a fit.

However, her annoyance melted away to reveal a sheepish expression as she stared at the towering brothers surrounding her. Some were on the verge of tears, others had their arms folded while one continued to sniff the air. Marley remained still as her eyes trailed across all their faces. Her face scrunched up and painted a cringing smile while she gave a small wave.

“Heeeeey guys, what’s up?” She squeezed out.