#u think u know how to draw until u need to draw a guitar

[hazy-cosmic-skies]

the trope is tropeing

[minustwofingers]

exoplanet p.6 (ellie’s journals)

summary: you’ve won the life lottery as one of the few people on earth with parents who gained admittance to the most prestigous safezone in the world after the outbreak. but after a lab accident sends you out to jackson, wyoming, real life hits you fast. it’s a good thing that a hot lesbian finds u. (lol). mean ellie at first, slowburn, enemies to friends to lovers, fem reader asf

warnings: a significantly different writing voice! this is going to be a very different vibe from the other chapters since i had to write it as i imagine ellie would (which is a lot different than i do). slight nsfw content (mdni), language, mentions of violence/gore, angst, ellie’s pov is actually really depressing

a/n: soooo i know it’s been almost 3 months...and i’m really sorry about that! a lot of stuff happened in my life and i kind of fell off writing for quite some time. but i finish series, so i’m going to get through exoplanet in its entirety so i can finally give you all closure. some preliminary notes: know that these are modeled after how i imagine ellie would journal if she did journal this much. canonically she didn’t do that much writing that follows a narrative like it does here. i think it’s honestly a little ooc for her to be emotionally responsible enough to talk out her feelings, but given that there’s no other way to tell her side of the story (save for legit rewriting it from her perspective, which would take another 6 months or so and be horrifically repetitive), i decided to just suck it up and write it. i’m sorry if it sounds awkward, since she definitely doesn’t write in a voice that i have much experience with. the next chapter will be better!

word count: 5.5k

tags~ @intrnetdoll @dazedshoon @lovecaraya @pctcr @sariyaflowr @loser-keiji @prettyplant0 @666findgod @sawaagyapong @rystarkov @buzzybuzzsposts @addisonnie @galacticstxrdust @elliesbabygirl​ @pinkazelma @ariianelle @lu002 @blairfox04 @sparkleswonderland @elliesflower @muthafuckingstargirl @elliewilliamsissubermommyoml @eviestevie-14 @quicksilversg1rl @guacala @crtcrp @overtrred28

(i haven’t updated this yet bc my tags aren’t working)

a special special SPECIAL thanks to both @roarriita and @elliesflower​ for being soooo sexy and betaing for me. you both are so wonderful and helped me sm in feeling good enough to post this :)

without further ado, enjoy ellie’s journals!

January 20th, 2038

Today’s been…fucking…

I don’t even know where to start. I don’t get why this sort of shit always happens to me. First it was being bit and somehow surviving. Then it was getting carted off across the country. And now some girl basically falls out of the sky, claiming that she comes from some sort of paradise up North?

I’ll spare the immediate details. I don’t think I’ll forget the basic stuff—her name, the way she looked clutching at her knees in the clearing and shaking. That stupid shirt she had on and that expensive scarf.

I still want to believe that she’s just a liar who happened to get lucky with running into us, but even without Joel vouching for her story, I don’t think I’d ever be able to buy that she’d been living in the same world as us. I’ve never met someone without scars before. I didn’t know that there were people out there who didn’t have marked up arms and faces. Or people without calluses. Did you know that hands can be totally smooth?

Anyway. Tommy says that he’ll try and reach out across the contacts he has. Joel has her living right down the hall from me in the meantime, so now I have to share my bathroom. Hopefully the Terranovan authorities are good at finding people. She takes so fucking long to shower. It’s a wonder the whole compound still has hot water.

[One page of drawings follows: Dina smiling in the snow on her horse, Joel playing his guitar]

January 25th, 2038

Maria says that they’re thinking about breeding Shimmer soon. I know she told me because that means I’ll need to ride another horse for a little until she recovers and I know that we need another generation of foals, but it still made me cringe for Shimmer’s sake. She’s too free-spirited to be a mother. She doesn’t deserve that.

I went stargazing last night. It was pretty. Lots of shooting stars. I ran into the girl while I was coming back from the meadow. She gave me a weird look, and I could tell she wanted to ask me where I’d been but kept her mouth shut. Sometimes I regret dropping off that bag of clothes. I really fucking liked that gray sweatshirt, actually. I’m not even joking. It looks weird to see it on someone else.

[Half a page of drawing follows of the night sky with labeled constellations]

February 5th, 2038

Long time no see. I’ve been pretty busy with patrols and helping Maria with securing the walls. Joel made me try some of that coffee that our new house guest brought. It was just as awful as I remembered, but he seemed happy. So one point for the space girl. I guess.

Dina’s been hanging around more. She just broke up with Jessie (yes, again). She swears that it’s for good this time, but I’m not so sure. She also talks a lot about Y/N and what little detail she’s gathered about her life back in Terranova. I thought teasing her by asking her if she had a crush on Y/N would make her talk less about it, but it just made things worse.

I miss when things were normal.

[One page of drawings follows: one of Shimmer in cross-ties, another of a girl’s face, half-finished with the face scribbled out]

February 12th, 2038

Today I’m sad. I’m in bed with that book about astronomy that Joel nabbed for me on patrol a while ago and there’s a section I wanted to read that’s completely waterlogged. It shouldn't be a surprise. It’s decades old and has survived through an apocalypse. Normally things like this don’t bug me much because I’m so used to it. Half of my Savage Starlight collection is damaged. I don’t think I’ll ever find the first book to actually complete the series, and that’s okay, because I’ve never expected anything more. But now that I know that there’s a world out there where I’d never have problems like this, stuff like this hurts. It’s so stupid. I’m lucky to be alive. Compared to what’s left of the world population, I live a much cushier life than most. But for the first time in a while, I’m wishing for more.  

“Greed is the enemy of happiness” is what Maria would say if I ever said this kind of shit out loud. But is it really? Or is it just realizing what life can be?

[Half a page of a drawing of the solar system, with each planet labeled]

February 22nd, 2038

Maria let me pick the sire for Shimmer’s foal. It felt kind of gross, to be honest. I asked Maria if there was any way for Shimmer to choose and I was only sort of joking, but she just laughed anyway and patted my back. I won’t have to worry about finding a new horse for another two seasons or so, she told me. It’ll be weird not having her for a little.

She also told me that there was still no word from anyone who knew anything about Terranova. She said this to me in this placating voice, like she thought that I was going to punch a hole in the wall or something after hearing it. That seems to be common when it comes to people talking about Y/N and me. I don’t know why so many people think I don’t like her staying with us.

I don’t, by the way. Let me be clear. But I mostly feel indifferent about her now. She doesn’t bother me as much anymore, not since she started getting out of the house. I think she might be helping in the gardens, but I’ve never actually asked. We don’t talk a whole ton. I don’t think she likes me all that much.

[A drawing of Shimmer’s head poking over her stall door that takes up one page]

March 2nd, 2038

Today was finally our first nice day of the year. I would’ve enjoyed it more if the bird that lives in the tree outside my window hadn’t blown me out of bed at 4 in the fucking morning. I’m exhausted now. It’s been a long day. Joel says I need to take Y/N out on patrol soon. Why, I have no idea. Maybe he just wants me to actually befriend her or something, and I do nothing but patrols now. He can’t possibly expect her to be a good patrol partner.

Thankfully, I checked the logs when I came back. The route he wants me to cover with her has been the quietest all season. I doubt we’ll run into anything. If we do, I’ll probably be able to handle it. Hopefully.

[Half a page of doodles, mostly of nature and wildlife with the exception of a half-finished doodle of an arm clad in a fabric that drapes like silk and a hand with polished nails]

March 3rd, 2038

Many surprising things were learned today. I can’t believe it’s illegal to be gay in Terranova. Sorry. I shouldn’t laugh. It’s just—out of all the things they could be bothered by, it’s that? Really?

March 12th, 2038

I haven’t been good at journaling recently. I don’t really want to talk about why. You know why.

[Six pages of drawings, with many unfinished doodles of Y/N—including but not limited to her on her horse, her reading on the couch, and one with her sitting in what is a very loose interpretation of a classroom, taking notes]

March 13th, 2038

I will feel more normal tomorrow. Hopefully.

[Two pages of drawings, all of Y/N. One is her bent over a book, the other is her smiling up at you]

March 14th, 2038

I did something really stupid. I think I should probably just document this here so I don’t accidentally drunkenly spill it all out to Dina at the next bonfire. This is so embarrassing. I don’t get why I feel this way. It’s so stupid, you know? To feel anything towards someone who’s so…I don’t know. Different.

She gives me the weirdest looks sometimes. I can’t tell what they mean. It feels like she’s judging me. And why wouldn’t she be? I bet all the girls she spends her time around back home are just like her—perfect, orderly, pretty, proper. The day before I took her patrolling she gawked at the shorts I was wearing. It was borderline offensive. Actually, fuck that. It wasn’t borderline. It was offensive. You don’t just stare at people like that. She should know that.

Anyway, I invited her over to my room last night. Normal, right? Because we’ve been doing that a little since I took her on patrol, by the way. I’m not sure if I mentioned that before. But this time I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m…I don’t know. Creepy? Strange? Scary? She told me that she thought I was intimidating. And then I called her “untouched”, like how some old-timer devout Christian wackjob or whatever would describe virginity. It was so fucking weird of me. I don’t know what got into me, but she kept doing this thing where she kicked my foot with hers or touched my knee and it just threw me off. It took me forever to fall asleep last night—I kept replaying what I’d said to her, especially how I’d told her that she wouldn’t have made it if she were me like I was some sort of hardcore survivalist. I think I embarrassed her. I’m never doing anything like this again. I’m going to be dead sober every time I see her from now on.

I’ll stop talking about that. Y/N did come back after I’d made a fool of myself and showed me her collection of movies, so maybe it wasn’t so bad. I haven’t watched any movies since I was with Cat. When we first started dating, I’d invite her over and she’d sit right where Y/N did last night. I’m trying to not think of the implications, because it’s space girl, and she’s going home sometime soon.

[Three pages of drawings follow—some nature drawings of ferns and moths, others of Y/N with wet hair, her knees tucked up to her chin like she’d been in Ellie’s bed that night]

March 19th, 2038

It’s the Spring Equinox. That’s the first thing Y/N told me this morning when she saw me in the kitchen this morning. She gave me a mini lecture on what that meant for the planet’s axis tilt and I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I already knew, since she seemed really excited to tell me.

I made a horrible discovery yesterday, by the way. Maria came up to me and told me that Tommy had decided to reach out to some of his other buddies up North to see if they had any connections to Terranova, and for the first time, I felt myself hoping that it wouldn’t work.

It’s awful. I shouldn’t be thinking like this. Even in Jackson, where things are comparatively much better than the rest of the world, there’s risk. Just this winter, one family had to be kicked out when they were found hiding an infected son. No one here is completely safe, just safer. I shouldn’t be selfish. Y/N needs to go where she’s meant to be, where there’s no chance of infection or invasion. I’ll be fine. I just need to get over whatever this is.

Speaking of her, I need to go get her to tell her that we’re heading out on patrol in just a few minutes. Fingers crossed she doesn’t accidentally shoot me, but Joel swore up and down that she knows how to handle a gun now. Sure. Haha.

I’m back. It’s the middle of the night and she only just left my room. I don’t know how much detail I need to go into—chances are I won’t forget this. But for bookkeeping purposes: patrol did not go so hot. I had to give her stitches without any local anesthesia. I’ve never given stitches to anyone nearly in my lap before. I was really nervous, too. I don’t think I’ve ever had to focus so much on keeping my hands steady when it came to stitching someone up before, not even with Joel.

I’m starting to think that maybe I was wrong about thinking that she didn’t like me. I still can’t tell exactly what she thinks of me, and I know that it’s a really bad fucking idea to be entertaining thoughts like these, but tonight she did something that made me reconsider. She got under the covers with me, and instead of moving away to keep us from touching, she rested her head next to mine on the pillow.

I hope she couldn’t hear how much my heart was racing. People can’t hear that kind of stuff, right? Even if they’re close?

I’m being ridiculous. There’s no way she—No. She doesn’t see me like that.

March 21st, 2038

She rested her head on my shoulder today. I don’t know what to think of it. If she was normal and grew up like the rest of us did, I would know exactly what to think. But she’s not normal, and it’s not fair of me to treat her like she is. Maybe this is, like, a culturally acceptable thing back from where she grew up. Maybe rich people just cuddle each other all the time. I wouldn’t fucking know, and unfortunately no one in this godforsaken town can help, because there’s a distinct lack of what Maria calls the “bourgeoisie”. They’re all either dead or back where Y/N grew up, doing whatever rich snobs do.

Even if it is normal for her, I feel like I can’t stop analyzing everything she does. She seems more nervous around me than she does anyone else, but she lingers like she can’t help herself. I’ve noticed that she stumbles over her words and touches me much more than is really necessary. Or at least I think she does—maybe I’m just imagining things.

But even if it means what I think it does, I can’t let myself think like this. It’s not fair to her. No one deserves to live here if they have the choice. At least the people out here know how to handle it. She doesn’t, and I don’t want her to turn into the type of person who does.

When I stitched her up and teased her about being weak and sensitive, I think she thought I was insulting her. I try not to think about it, but if I let myself wallow too much, I’ll wonder what kind of person I’d be if I wasn’t so jaded. Maybe I’d draw more, or read more, or write more. Maybe I’d be an easier person to love. I didn’t get to choose how I turned out. It just happened to me.

So if she has the choice, I’m going to do everything I can to help her make the right one. I don’t want her to be like this.

March 29th, 2038

I had a dream about Riley last night. I haven’t had one of those in years, not since I was traveling with Joel. We were back in the mall, and Riley had just turned the lights on as a surprise. I had this feeling then, like I was being given a second chance. That I could set things straight and do what was right. I woke up before I could insist that we leave.

[A drawing takes up half of the next page. It’s a crude depiction of the mall Riley turned in.]

April 4th, 2038

It’s the middle of the night again. I can’t sleep. I’m so disappointed with myself about what I did tonight with Y/N. At the time, it seemed like a really good idea. She likes me back, apparently. I was right about everything that I wrote about earlier, I guess. But it certainly doesn’t feel like I thought it would.

It’s not like there’s no part of me that isn’t thrilled that she feels the same way. That’s why I gave in and slept with her. But even when she told me how she felt, even before I completely lost my self-control, something heavy was already hanging over me. Regret, maybe. Or guilt. I don’t know. What I do know is that this can’t last. I can’t make this good for her like I want to. She needs to go back, and she needs to be able to feel like she can make that choice without feeling like she’s leaving anything good behind.

I’m not a spiritual person. but even so, I can’t help but feel like that dream of Riley was a sign. This is my second chance. I’m not going to fuck it up this time. I’ve already been an accomplice of so much suffering. Y/N is going home, and I’ll never see her again when she does. That’s that.

It took all I had left in me in the end to kick her out. She looked so hurt, and the fact that she tried to hide it made it even worse. I wish I could tell her why this can’t work, but I don’t think she’d understand.

[A drawing of Y/N kissing Ellie’s palm follows, her hair slightly mussed]

April 6th, 2038

I need to stop making rash decisions like knocking on her door late at night and asking her to come over. I really don’t know what’s gotten into me, because whenever I see her now, I can’t help but freeze up. Like last night, when she kissed me and touched my face and told me she thought I was a good person. I panicked and told her—well, nevermind. I don’t really want to repeat it here. It was mean, but I didn’t know what else I could do to get her to stop.

She was already tearing up by the time she left. I had to sit down and breathe deeply for a few minutes before I was sure I wasn’t going to be sick. I don’t really think I want to write more about this right now. It just makes me sad how unfair this all is. Of course the one time after Cat that I meet someone I really like it just has to be in one of the cruelest scenarios possible. I just have no idea what to do.

[Five pages of drawings follow of Y/N in bed, her head tilted back against the pillow, her eye’s half lidded, and her mouth slightly agape. Ellie redraws this multiple times, x-ing out parts that don’t seem quite right]

April 10th, 2038

I know this is none of my business, but she’s been spending a lot of time with Dina lately. She nearly got herself killed getting a gift for me with Dina yesterday, which feels like some sort of especially cruel joke. The universe isn’t being very fucking subtle right now.

If what I’m worried about is right, at least Dina has the option to come with her up North. She’d test negative.

April 20th, 2038

I would really like it if I could have one short break from the misery that’s my life right now. I turned 20 yesterday, accidentally introduced Y/N to my ex, proceeded to get much drunker than I meant to, completely fell off my rocker and asked Y/N to stay the night, and then discovered this morning that not only has Terranova found Y/N but that my strategy of keeping Y/N at arm’s length completely failed.

She wants me to come with her, and she’s threatening to stay here otherwise. I did the only thing that I could think to do and snapped at her.

I’m so tired of this. I hate having to act like I don’t care. This is the third time now that I’ve had to say something nasty to her to keep her from getting too close. I just want to get in bed and sleep until she leaves and I can pretend like nothing ever happened and that everything is normal.

[One page of drawings of Y/N passed out in her bed and Y/N grinning while holding a lopsided cake]

April 28th, 2038

I know I haven’t been writing much again. Sorry about that. I just can’t bear to think about my life right now. I know I should be relieved—this is what I wanted. I wanted her to go where it’s best for her.

But there’s still that selfish part of me that keeps me up at night. Y/N is going to leave this place never knowing how I feel about her. Logically, that should be what I want. This way I won’t need to say a real goodbye. I know I won’t need to now, since she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. It’s really fucking immature of me to be so hurt by what she must think of me now, but I can’t stop.

I wonder how long it will take for me to stop feeling sad about this. I’ve never had to process anything like this where there’s nothing I can do. With Riley and Sam, I at least got to heal from the knowledge that I was going to help make the vaccine to save the world. But losing Y/N just because of where we come from is totally meaningless. I can go forward knowing that I made it easy for her to make the right decision, but that only goes so far.

I don’t know how I’m going to handle this. I’m going to practically live with Dina so I don’t need to be alone for the first few weeks.

I wish May 8th would just come already so she can go away and I can get on with my life.

May 1st, 2038

Things have changed some. Joel cornered me in the kitchen last night and told me that I needed to grow up and just appreciate the rest of the time I had left with Y/N. I was going to agree and try to walk past him, but he stopped me and told me that he needed me to escort Y/N. I guess he’s right. She can’t go alone, and Joel and Tommy are getting a little too old for week-long expeditions into the wilderness.

He also told me that I need to apologize to her and make things right, saying shit like I’d regret it forever if things ended between us like this. I don’t want to admit it, but I think he’s right. When I told him that she’d originally threatened to stay if I didn’t go with her, he blinked, hard. Then he told me that he had an idea.

I’m faking it. I’m telling her that I’m going, even though I’m going to leave her when she gets picked up. I don’t know how I’m going to pull it off. When I told her in the meadow last night, she was so happy. I know it’s really sappy and cliche to say this, but I felt my heart shatter, bit by bit. I’m not a very good liar, not to people who are important to me. But I suppose I’ve been lying to her all this time, kicking her out of my room and telling her that I didn’t want anything more with her.

I can do this, I think. I have to do this, or else she might threaten to stay, and I don’t think I have it in me to be cruel again. Not to her. I guess I’ll just trick myself into feeling like I’m actually coming with her, like we have a chance of actually being together. I don’t know. We’ll see.

[One drawing of Y/N laying down in the meadow that takes up half a page]

May 3rd, 2038

It’s easier than I expected. Y/N sleeps over in my room at night, and if I don’t think too hard about it, I can pretend like things will always be like this.

I’m getting to be such a sap, though. I almost broke down in the bathroom today while I was getting ready. It was over the stupidest thing—a toothpaste bottle. Y/N always folds it so neatly, making a perfect, tight spiral of plastic near the end. It used to really bother me when I first had to share with her (because who does that—it’s weird and doesn’t do anything since she doesn’t manage to squeeze out the extra in the bottom anyways), but the thought of throwing it out when it finally emptied and having to find another one that’ll never be folded again hit me and suddenly I was counting my inhales and exhales. I don’t really give a shit about toothpaste. It’s just that it was the moment that I realized that she’s really going to be gone soon, you know? Slowly but surely, the evidence of her stay here will be wiped away and replaced. Someday I’ll forget all the little details about her.

She’s knocking on my door. I need to stop being so depressed and go see her before she picks up that something’s wrong.

[One small doodle of Y/N smiling and rolling her eyes while brushing her teeth]

May 6th, 2038

Dina’s coming now. Y/N told me this morning after she went to say goodbye. I feel really shitty about this. I guess I should tell her that I’m not going now, because this way Y/N needs to go home to get Dina the help she needs, but I just can’t bring myself to. I’ll have to escort both of them to the pickup spot anyway since Dina’s weaker now that she’s pregnant, and the thought of having to spend a full week with Y/N after she knew I lied to her makes my skin crawl. I can’t tell who I’m trying to protect by doing this—me or her. Maybe both.

I’m losing my two favorite people here, and they don’t even know it yet. But this is the best option. This is my chance to finally do some good in the world.

May 7th, 2038

I’m about to go stargazing with Y/N for the last time. I don’t think I’ll be writing in here again until I get back. I don’t want to risk losing this while I’m out in case something crazy happens. Which it probably will, but I canonically happen to be really good at living when shit hits the fan. Also—I don’t imagine Y/N to be a particularly nosy person, but if she ever came across this and thought it was a book or something, it would make things really awkward. So, you’re staying tucked carefully under my bed until I come back later this month.

I don’t know how to handle this sort of goodbye. I don’t really know how to handle any sort of goodbye, I guess, but at least I’ve been through them before. I may not do it well, but I know how to live when people I love die. But this isn’t like that. No one is dying (hopefully), and more importantly, I know it’s a goodbye this time. I see it coming on the horizon and I can’t even tell anyone about it. How does anyone deal with that? How does anyone cope?

Y/N’s knocking on my door now. I need to go before I start thinking even more and do something stupid like start crying or whatever.

I’ll be back in about two weeks.

June 1st, 2038

Sorry for not writing. It’s been pretty shitty, actually. It took me 5 extra days to get home because some scavengers gave me trouble. I hardly slept for most of them. I ran out of ammo about 4 days out and had to use my knife for everything I ran into until I was able to raid the cabinets of this abandoned cabin. Nearly got taken out by a clicker, too. It was not fun. It was especially not fun because I was not feeling super great to begin with, for obvious reasons.

Things haven’t gotten any better since getting back to Jackson. Y/N didn’t take her stupid Exoplanetary Systems textbook and now I’m struggling with whether or not I should throw it out. The rational side of me says to keep it because it was published after the outbreak and probably contains updated information that isn’t anywhere else. The rest of me doesn’t even want to look at the stars anymore because it reminds me of her.

It’s really hard not to blame her for ruining everything. I can’t go out and ride my own horse without thinking about the first time we went on patrol together and she dropped my gun and nearly killed one of us. And I can’t even relax in my own home, because I’ve spent almost every night with her since March in my bed. Sometimes when I hear a creak in the middle of the night I assume it’s her walking down to the bathroom or getting water until it hits me again that she’s never coming back.

I know I’m being melodramatic. There are many other worse problems I could be having right now. But I don’t even have my best friend anymore. I wonder if Dina and Y/N are angry with me for lying. I wonder if they’re settling in okay. I hope that Y/N manages to fix whatever her research was and that Dina gets better.

[Twenty pages of drawings of Y/N and Dina together. Some are snippets of them on their expedition to the pickup site. Others are pictures of Y/N and Dina walking around with smiles on their faces in what looks to be a city]

June 21st, 2038

It’s been over a month since I’ve last seen her. I had a breakdown while getting ready for bed when I realized that I didn’t remember what her voice sounded like anymore.

[Ten pages of half-finished drawings, each with its face scribbled over]

June 28th, 2038

I don’t think I really remember what she looks like—not exactly. I’ve been trying to draw her because I’m still in the habit of making decisions that are definitely not good for my mental state. I just can’t do it, and it isn’t for the lack of trying. Every time I get to her eyes I keep drawing something that looks wrong, but I can never tell why. I compare it to my earlier drawings of her from when we first met and it feels like meeting her for the first time again.

Joel says it’ll pass and that he’s proud of me for doing the right thing. Jessie and I have been hanging out more. Even if he won’t admit it, I can tell he’s miserable without Dina. But he understands why she had to go—just like how I feel about Y/N. And Dina too, of course. Jackson feels like a ghost town without her.

July 17th, 2038

I haven’t been writing or drawing in here for a while, I know. I was going to just go ahead and start a new journal—you know the one that Maria gave me for Christmas with the dark blue cover—but it didn’t feel right to just stop without explaining. Otherwise I’ll feel like an asshole for wasting so much paper.

I don’t want to move on from what happened with Y/N and Dina. I really don’t, but I don't think I have a choice. If I keep going on like this, I’ll never be able to live normally again. I’m just sick and tired of being sad all of the time. So I’m not going to write here anymore. I don’t think it’s realistic for me to forget all about it, because I don’t want to forget her. Not really. But I guess if I want to get better, I’ll need something different. So, here’s that. The beginning of my fresh start. “Fresh start” and you call me overdramatic!! haha. Y/N was here!

(You left this on your nightstand. I promise I didn’t read too much. I opened it because I thought it was your sketchbook. I’m going to put this back since I hear you walking down the hall now.)

ok as an aside my blog is broken so my stuff isn’t notifying people when i tag/showing up on dashes or in tags. please reblog if you’re comfortable so people can actually find this! thank you!

final a/n: i totally get it if this wasn’t quite your cup of tea this time—i just really wanted to iron out ellie’s pov before their reunion in the end. which is happening and not a spoiler because i have always promised a hea! this was a change in pace for the story and i promise you that the next chapter will be more normal/align more with my normal writing style. i have also changed my mind (probably) and have decided to stick with writing an epilogue! so two more chapters are coming before this is totally over. thank you so much for waiting and being so patient! i love you all dearly ok bye bye now

[javierduffy]

Just got struck with a thought for a mildly canon au: what if after saving Kieran from the O'Driscolls in ch4 Javier sleeps with his head on Kieran's chest so the first thing he hears when he wakes up is his heartbeat, reassuring him that Kieran is alive and they got to him in time

oooyuggg oooohhh …. oouuhhh … this is so sweet … oouuhh javi absolutely would be petrified to lose kieran after already having nearly done so once … not like they don’t both know that this lifestyle means that they could lose each other at any given moment, but to be directly confronted by the rush of wind on your face from a right hook from grief that just barely missed your skin … javier feels a little more emboldened in his endeavors regarding protecting and generally indulging in kieran and his wellbeing.

he’d be like “dutch, i’ll protect him. i’ll watch him. i have time, the others are working on something big, they don’t need me. let me take care of him. (not gay. no homo.)” and since kieran sleeps on the floor of shady belle, they both move in there to try and stave infection off and every morning the girls have to shuffle around them while they’re intertwined together on the floor. it’s like javier is a coat that kieran can’t shirk— he keeps the fever down. and javi always wakes up first. it’s like he’s got a sixth sense for when kieran is about to wake up, and he always wakes up first, even by mere moments. which is funny because up until then, kieran would be up before the sunrise and that be about the time that javier was laying down to sleep. love affects you down to your biology 💔 anyway yes and javi always always always lays there, opens his eyes, sees kieran’s resting face, will sometimes raise a hand to smooth a worried crease off of kieran’s dreaming face, and then will indulge himself in laying back down and listening to kieran’s strong heartbeat. for however long it takes for kieran to wake up, or at least indicate to javier that he’s awake. sometimes he knows javi is awake and will sit very still for a while, just because he wants to stay like that just a little longer. (sometimes, especially later into these endeavors, javier can tell by the way kieran’s breathing changes. but he will never let kieran know that.) i think there have even been times where kieran would sleep too deep and his heartbeat would get softer and javier would suddenly hear gunfire and smell blood and hear the lap of the water against the wood of a boat like he’s losing it all all over again and he’d end up shaking kieran awake just to make sure his eyelids weren’t meant to home coins just yet. kieran knows he would do the same and also be 10x worse so he doesn’t really mind but this isn’t to say that sometimes he’s not like “javier. my sweet lover. my desert sun. i am going to be okay. please let me rest. go rob somebody or something before dutch kicks us both out for being useless.” just so he can get some peace LOL ouugghh they’re so sweet i got off topic but yes this idea is SO good and i agree so bad and also i think that they were already obsessively tactile prior, just behind closed doors, so now, it’s just … embarrassing how touchy javi is. not that the rest of the gang doesn’t understand, like they haven’t clung to a body and basked in it’s warmth because they knew it could very well be cold tomorrow, but … man. he’s very. brazen with it. LOL ohh i lov them ok ill be quiet but thank u so much for sharing that with me i adore the idea. i would love to expand sometime on javier’s thoughts and fears in an au where kieran lives … and kieran’s thoughts and feelings as well ….. as well as draw them all cuddled up with javi listening to the steady tempo of kieran’s heartbeat and how it sounds like a song that he only wishes he could play on guitar because it sounds like the greatest love song ever written uughhh ok ok ok thank u i have to leave or i’ll cry

[whore-mel]

Y'all I'm back into my Michael afton phase. (I keep switching in between fictional crushes) So I'm going to write some head canons for him. Cause people see him as a rockstar fuck boy bully who's a jackass and the most handsome/popular boy in school. Sooo this is how I see him 🥰🥰

Michael afton head canons!!

He's bi. He sees hot punk woman and like: DAYUMMM. Then he sees his best friends and he's like: OHHHHH

He's a nerd. I mean. Come on guys. His dad is a business man. So obviously he was like: "if u fail math. I'm gonna shove a calculator up your ass." And then Michael is like : "😦".

He does play an instrument. Probably guitar and drums. And he is trying to make a band. Usually he and his friends play in Simon and Anissa's basement. (Anissa is chica bro, Simon is just a college student who is her brother)

He's not only a nerd. But a geek or a dork. Idk. He plays DND and he reads marvel comics and he likes math.

He skateboards. Like any time anywhere. Just likes it.

ABSOLUTELY hates dogs. Cause when he was 12. A Chihuahua absolutely ripped his shin and ever since then..he hated them. And is absolutely terrified of them.

He sucks at flirting. But his dorkiness got him two bad bitches. He also doesn't know how.

He started bullying Evan after Elizabeth's demise. Cause he says "it's Evan's fault he should've taken care of Liz". Even though it was Michael's responsibility to take care of his elementary school siblings.

His hair isn't long but isn't short. It's messy and he usually keeps it back by a metal hairband.

His go-to outfit is jean shorts and the grey tank top. 💀💀

He screams like a girl.

He's an artist, and he usually draws people around him.

He nags alot. Like alot.

He's definitely a golden retriever boy. He's all jumpy and smiley.

He smiles with his teeth and he probably has either dimples or freckles. Maybe both

He has tons of scars from dumb accidents or small injuries, usually on his legs.

He absolutely loves winter. Cause he gets to throw snow at his friends and no school. But he loves summer more.

He's the type of person to eat tons of junk food and not gain any weight. So he eats a lot.

He has braces. He says he needs them because he took his father's British teeth.

He prefers his mom's side of the family.

He was named after his grandfather, William's dad.

He's the type of person to text you "I FELL DOQWN THE STAIRS."

He has multiple bracelets and hairbands on him, cause "what if someone needs one!!"

Even though he has a skateboard and prefers a skateboard. He has a bike.

he loves chewing gum and popsicles. But he hates how fast they melt.

If you and him have never spoken and he randomly finds you walking down the street and he's bored. WELL! You're his friend now, whether you like it or not!

He's extremely extroverted, but he's bad at making friends somehow.

He's the type of person to gasp when he thinks of something great. Like "GASP! What if..." Y'know?

He's not the athletic person. He doesn't have abs or anything. But he's lean and his body in good shape because he helps his dad with the heavy metal and fixing the animatronics.

I don't think he ever thinks about sex. Most of the time just "DND..did I do my math homework..oh yeah..yeah I did..did I feed Elizabeth? No. Who cares..she'll feed herself. WAIT....where's my watch..? Oh it's on my wrist..forgot." I think that's what goes on in his brain most of the time

He's definitely a virgin. He stayed a virgin until he reached college. And he stayed a virgin until he died.

I think that's it. Idk tho. But here's my view of Michael afton!!! AHHHHHHH

[witchcraftandburialdirt]

' get in . we're going somewhere you can cool your head off . ' the radio will be turned on and there will be no words necessary between them . the radio will be turned on and on the road they will pass versions of themselves and be reminded that everything is manmade and nothing matters . the radio will be turned on and those disembodied voices will feel like the last voices on earth . the radio is on . // blegh , hands u this with me tremblin hands

═══ UNPROMPTED INTERACTIONS ═══ MODERN VERSE Song: The Night We Met - Lord Huron

'What do you mean how did I "find this number"? You're my SON, Robin! Do you have any idea how worried your mother is? Did you even think to bother giving us a phonecall?'

'No! I don't want to hear any excuses on this, do you even care? You've ignored our calls for weeks! This has really showed me how much you actually think about us, thank the lord for that information. Did you forget about Wren's graduation too-'

The melodic plucking of guitar strings seemed to wrap around Robin like a warm embrace, a familiar song that he had heard while situated in Danny's arms on their patio during a sweltering summer afternoon. He could almost hear his soft, scratchy voice singing along with the lyrics as their fingers interlocked and Danny brought the pad of his thumb over Robin's knuckles and serenaded him with a smile on his face. A smile Robin would kill to see right now- but he couldn't. Sure, Danny had only said thousands of times that if he needed him, he could always just give a phonecall. But...Robin had just fixed his collar and kissed his mouth to send him off to his office, thermos full of hot espresso, so he could go finish his story. The phonecall hadn't come until after during dinner, the voice on the other end spewing poison harsh enough to make the assistant wish he'd never touched food at all...that simmering away into nothing would be better.

He supposed that his trembling silence, highlighted by hitched breaths and sniffles, had alerted Yone that something was wrong when he had called only 30 minutes after in order to cement some chords for the next song. Robin's lie stating that his "allergies were just so bad today!" was enough to seemingly teleport the DJ to his apartment and coax him into his car. A practiced activity that they'd done too many times in life, a silent statement about how miserable life could be but... sometimes sharing misery was one of the simplest joys of life. To have someone hold you in their heart enough to swim down into the blackest pits of your soul, to sit beside you in that sadness... Perhaps this drive to nowhere was less a statement of pain and more of a statement of love. Of gentle weeping, crying over and over again "I am here. You are not alone."

I had all and then most of you Some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met I don't know what I'm supposed to do Haunted by the ghost of you Oh, take me back to the night we met....

He did not notice the warm tears dripping down his face, not until their twinkle sung of starlight when illuminated by a passing street lamp. Only did they exist within the reflection staring back at him as his hair bunched on the window he leaned on. Robin lifted his gaze slowly towards the dark sky before it settled on the painted golds and purples of twilight, which shyly peeked over the horizon as dusk quickly approached. His lids were heavy, slipping lower and lower, ready to give into rest - or perhap escape? - and relax. A caress like a ghost's kiss brought his wet eyes to open wide and shift down to the finger hooked into his. To his open phone he hadn't heard buzz with a simple "2 more hours dear, I love you." text that only made his heart want to burst with affection...how he hoped to drown in it.

I am here.

When the night was full of terrors And your eyes were filled with tears When you had not touched me yet.. Oh, take me back to the night we met.

He found enough strength, perhaps drawing it from Yone, to pick up his phone and type back that he loved him too. How excited he was to see him again, he left out that he wishes he was with him, he could cry to him later, he didn't need to scare Danny while he was at work. When he finally set his device down the world had fallen into darkness and he was quick to bring the hand opposite of Yone up to his eyes to wipe away his emotions. Minutes past as the last parts of the song fell away to leave them in a moment of silence, one that almost prompted Robin to speak and stain the quiet with his voice. He kept his mouth shut, no need to speak of anything...not when he wasn't ready to yet...

Not when the radio was on.

[magnoliamyrrh]

and another thing that chronic pain brings that i find is less talked about and that people without chronic pain can't wrap their head around, is the emotional pain and just straight up despair of feeling like your body is useless, knowing you'll never be able to do the things you want to that "normal" people can do.

^^^^^ Exactly

especially when it hits you when youre young. even if and when you manage to get used to the pain itself (tho even "getting used to it" takes a prepetual toll) theres still always that part of it too. of feeling trapped in a body that seems so weak and fragile, and there being things you want to do that you used to be able to at some point, or dreamed of being able to do that you just.... have to accept you either cant, or that if you do them theyre going to make you exponentially worse....... it feels like being forced to miss out on so many things, and its so damn hard and mentally draining and scary and,,,,yea,, a lot of dispair hits you. its hard to accept

i always lose it when i realize how much i can't rly do anymore. even when i had chronic pain some years back and my joints were going to shit, id still push myself and walk for hours upon hours almost every day, it was relaxing and one of my favourite things to do.... now there are many times when walking for 30-40 minutes a day or several times a week feels like it absolutely cripples me. such seeminly low effort things take it out of me for days on end.... i cant play guitar anymore because my hands cant handle it. when my pain was worse, thank god its better now, i couldn't draw anymore... theres so many hobbies i wanted to try, but cant because some part of my body wouldnt handle it. many times ive been too dizzy or exhausted to cook, despite it being one of my favourite things to do.... i had an entire weeks-long mental breakdown and spiraled horribly when i realized i couldnt really ski anymore, despite being very, very good at it. id rather die than think i could never ride horses again, but i know there is a high chance doing so will ruin my hips...... the list is fucking endless

it feels like some sort of nightmare you just cant seem to wake up from. past a point damned be the pain, but realizing your body just cant handle or do shit or doesnt have the strengh, or that the pain is just too sharp, its just... fucking horrible.... it almost breaks you more than the pain itself past a point. and idk personally its been a nightmare for me to see how fast a lot of my health issues have progressed. i was certain i wouldnt be as bad as i am now until i was in my 30s.... but in just a few years, its gotten so much fucking worse

..... its one of those things that i guess you cant do nothing about but accept...? and try to make the best out of??? because getting endlessly upset about it doesnt help, and being upset only feeds the chronic pain. but its very hard, especially when daily things in your life constantly remind you. i still havent been able to figure out some sort of way or mindset to do that at all

i assume from this ask you also struggle with this? im very sorry ❤️🧡❤️ it truly is a lot to handle to say the least. thank u for this ask tho, helps to feel less alone, and if u ever need to vent to someone who gets it ur more than welcome to 🌸 i hope this week will be easier on you and that youll feel a little bit better, and i hope with time you'll maybe be able to find some things which make it easier to bare. god knows what the chances are, but maybe with all the science nowadays well both have the insane luck for some cure or actual treatment, as far fetched as that seems at times

[luveline]

currently thinking about sitting on ur bed with steve, and ur making him a friendship bracelet and u keep having to measure it over his wrist to see if it’s long enough yet. he would treasure that bracelet forever and ever.

this idea was so sweet it made me happy

Steve's in charge of music while your hands are busy. He plays top forty and you don't mind, humming along as the bracelet in your hand grows longer. The start taped to your baseboard, the two of you sit at the end of the bed, knees touching, the desk fan breezing a sweet relief through the humidity. 

"Can I have your wrist?" you ask him. 

"It's done?" he asks. 

"Not really. Just wanna see how much I gotta do. Here." 

You take his wrist into your hand and guide it up to the bracelet. It's only three quarters around, made up of colours you thought he might like; an orangey yellow, white and red, twined together with a terrible concentration. 

"You're gonna make that wrinkle permanent," he says, pulling his hand back. 

"What wrinkle?" 

"This one," he says. He draws a line between your eyebrows with the pad of his index finger, lightly and then less, as if trying to rub it away.

You bat his hand. "Shut up. You're older. If anyone's gonna get wrinkles it's you." 

"You're fucking ageist."

"I'm not fucking anybody."

"Shut up, leave me alone. Finish my bracelet." 

"You're so mean," you mutter, fingers sliding over threads, weaving one under another. 

The song changes and Steve leaps away from you to turn it up, fingers pinching the dial more intensely than he needs to. It's a girly dance song that make you laugh, especially when Steve starts to sing along. 

He doesn't try very hard but he's passionate and you love that, giggles making it hard to join in with him. He raises his eyebrows at you and his shoulders move from side to side in a half dance. 

He meanders towards you and takes your hands from your threading, pulling your arms, one then the other in time with the beat. 

"Steve." 

"Don't be a wet hankie." 

"You just told me to finish the bracelet!" 

"Dance intermission," he declares, bending so you're the same height. 

You indulge him and dance along even when it's a little awkward, your hands boiling hot in his, his smile blinding. For the last chorus he drops his grip and does a dramatic guitar solo that has you groaning. 

"You're embarrassing!" you declare, hands back on the friendship bracelet. "Stop doing that. Come here so I can measure you again." 

He trudges forward reluctantly, head thrown back and neck bared. He's hot when he sulks. Not that you notice. You grab at his fingers and pull him forward until you can wrap the bracelet around his wrist and measure it. It's long enough. You grin. 

"Is it finally done?" he asks. 

"I'd love to see you make one." 

He flops down on the bed behind you, stretched out on his back. "I'll make you one. You gotta teach me." 

You finish up the loose ends and peel off the tape, staring at it in your plam, extremely pleased with your efforts and the result. It's only a simple pattern, seven floss wide. It's nice. 

"Alright, Stevie, get ready," you say, turning on your knees to face him. 

He looks at you through pretty dark lashes in a way you might say was coy if you didn't know better.  

"Ready since the day I was born." 

"Uh-huh." 

You wrap the friendship bracelet around his wrist, careful not to touch him too much until you have to tie it closed. He has nice wrists, his veins stark ridges up his arm. You feel a warm flush come over you when you catch yourself thinking about them, hands trembling almost imperceptibly with your rush. 

Steve flicks your wrist gently. "You're shaking." 

"I'm tired from all the hard work," you say offhandedly. 

He throws his arm up between you, brandishing the bracelet as if it's made of solid gold. "It looks amazing." 

"Yeah?" you ask, a sliver of insecurity. 

"Are you kidding? It's cool. So cool. I don't get how you made it with string and nothing else." 

"You don't have to wear it-" you start. 

Steve cuts you off. "Shut up. I'll wear it. It's sick. I'm gonna wear it until it falls off, and then you have to make me another one." 

He drops his hand, turning to you and giving you a huge smile. You smile back, your happiness amplified by a thousand when he grabs your arm and gives you a good shake. 

"Thanks, bub." 

"You're welcome," you say, eyes on his fingers, how they pinch your skin. "Don't mention it." 

His hand slides up the length of your arm. "Wanna teach me how?" 

"You'll give up halfway through." 

"Maybe. Show me anyways." 

You're not in the habit of denying him anything he wants, so you teach him how to make the bracelet, and it's straggly and sometimes the pattern doesn't translate cleanly, but he finishes it. When he ties it around your wrists, every point of contact tingles. 

[its-deputy-caleb]

Hiii, could i have a request for how the gang members would react to meeting a historian or explorer in the wild?? thank you! I love your blogs sm!!

anon ily <3333 i went wayy overboard with these but i regret nothing bc this was soo cute and fun to write. I hope u enjoy and i made it gn for everyone. I only did the VDL boys for this but if enough ppl like it i might do the girls with something similar idk yet?

Dutch Van Der Linde

Dutch first laid eyes on you when you were hanging off the edge of a cliff after slipping when you got too close to the edge. He immediately ran over to you, helping you off the cliff and getting you settled back on your feet.

He seemed genuinely concerned and agreed to help you safely record the rock carving that was on the side of the cliff face, keeping you from falling.

You were a historian and had been studying these mysterious rock carvings after meeting an equally mysterious man, Francis Sinclair.

You didn’t see much of Dutch Van Der Linde after that until you ran into him again in Saint Denis in the saloon. He remembered who you were instantly and started up a conversation about your work where you chatted away for hours.

You became very close after that and he often accompanied you to Museums and fancy fundraisers that you were invited to.

He’d always get dressed up and complimented your finer outfits which was such a difference to the field gear you’d have on. You’d spend all night chatting away over nice champagne and dancing together before actually engaging with other guests but you didn’t have a care in the world with Dutch in your life.

Arthur Morgan

Arthur finds you standing in the middle of a field, flipping over rocks and staring numbly at what appeared to be a map in your hands.

When he approached you he soon learnt you were a young amateur explorer about to get your big break with a treasure hunt but you couldn’t find the gold bars for the life of you.

Arthur gave you a heart warming smile and held up a gold bar after retrieving it from his satchel having felt a little bad that he’d discovered it not a week before you.

The two of you laughed about it, calling yourself a fool for trying to find it for so long when it was clearly missing— the thought that someone took it clearly never crossed your mind.

Arthur was always a gentleman however and promised to make it up to you. After taking you to dinner and getting to know him better, you spent the next few days camping out and finding a new treasure together.

You travelled through caves and through valleys of flowers to find this treasure. Sometimes it was so beautiful that the two of you just stopped by a stream to let your horses rest and enjoy the scenery.

When you finally found the treasure you gave Arthur a big hug in excitement which caught him by surprised but he happily returned. He let you keep the treasure and wished you luck with more exploring but of course that wasn’t the last time you saw Arthur again.

Charles Smith

Charles meets you one day while you’re out surveying wildlife. You specialised in conservation, wanting to study and protect animal species.

Fresh out of the university from Saint Denis you’d been dying to get out of the confining city and explore the heartlands. That’s where a kind gentleman named Charles Smith had offered to protect you and show you around the herds of bison you’d taken to studying.

You spent days together riding the over the hills and following the herd as they travelled. While you were Charles told you all about his family and the respect and love they have for the beautiful creatures.

It was amazing the array of knowledge Charles knew about bison and you couldn’t stop the smile on your face as he told you about the characteristics of the bison. You rushed to take notes in your journal, knowing that all that he told you would help you study and protect these animals.

“Do you think it’ll actually do any good? The work you’re doing?”

“One can only hope Mr.Smith but I will do everything in my ability to protect such beautiful creatures.”

Even when you had to return to the city for study you constantly wrote to Charles, staying in touch and keeping him updated with all your work. It was hard to say goodbye to someone you’d grown close to but you made regular visits to each other long after that.

John Marston

You first found John in the saloon after a long day at work, in desperate need of a drink. Being a zoologist you instantly noticed the scars on his face and would’ve guessed a wolf was the animal that caused the damage.

The two of you instantly started up a conversation and shared all kinds of stories. He told you about being up on the mountain while you showed him the scar on your arm from your run in with a cougar.

You were collecting a compendium of all the animals across the heartlands and during the months you worked on it, you ran into John more than once.

He was always curious about your work and you often spent time together in the afternoon sun, showing him the animals you’d found so far.

“What about the stray dogs in town or do you only deal with cougars and wolves?”

“Well they’re animals too aren’t they not?”

Even though you couldn’t see John all the time, he often came along with you to see the wildlife and covered you when you were around particularly dangerous animals and you enjoyed every second you had with him.

Micah Bell

When Micah met you he had absolutely no idea what you were on about. In his mind the whole idea of a palaeontologist is ridiculous and made up, much less the fact that you chose to read books and study in your spare time.

At first he doesn’t do anything but mock your work but after running into you time and time again he finally started to come around.

He grew more and more curious when he saw the drawings in your sketch books of dinosaurs and even more so when he laid eyes on the fossils. But knowing Micah, he’s still incredibly stubborn.

“Ain’t no way that thing is real.”

“One needs an open mind to comprehend what’s prehistoric Mr.Bell. It requires a certain practice.”

Every so often on your work you’d run into Micah who’d be riding around on his horse, just passing by. By now you’d consider him a friend and your face lit up as he pulled a small ammonite fossil from his bag.

It wasn’t really your area of expertise but you could tell he wanted to impress you and seemed almost nervous as you examined the fossil. Nonetheless you could tell it was real and you let him keep the small fossil as a reminder of you until the next time you saw him.

Javier Escuella

Javier meets you when you’re down my the docks, trying to capture the sunlight and noticed him fishing.

Not wanting to disturb him you kept out of his hair until you heard him cheer loudly at a catch he managed to pull in. In your particular interest in animals, you couldn’t help but ask if you could take a photo of the fish he’d caught.

From then on the two of you became friends, often running into each other as you tried to capture landscapes and wildlife.

You’d always spend the day together and you’d show him how to use a camera while he showed you how to fish and play the guitar.

When you spent time apart you’d often write to each other to fill the gap. You’d always send pictures with little writing on the back of them while he sent you poems and songs that he wrote for you, promising to play them for you next time you’d meet.

In your personal journal you have the first picture you ever took of Javier, kept safe between the pages. He’s standing along the docks, facing the away from the water as he holds up a large sturgeon and a large smile.

You and Javier always stay in touch and after he told you of his chaotic and dangerous time in guarma he made light of it by telling you about all the different wildlife he saw while he was there.

Bill Williamson

Bill stumbles upon you in the wild by accident. He’s out scouting a lead when he ended up getting lost through the shrubbery and found you examining flowers closely.

When you told him you were a botanist he looked as if you’d just spoken a different language to him because he didn’t have a clue as to what that meant. Bill always made you laugh fondly at the confused look when you told him all the scientific names of flowers.

In Bill’s mind, a flower was a flower. There was purple flowers and blue flowers and even red ones but they didn’t have their own names.

The next time Bill ran into you he brought you what he thought was a bouquet of white flowers. Instead they were actually a species of weed that was poisonous when eaten but it didn’t stop you from smiling and hugging him which was the intended purpose.

In light of that incident Bill was actually curious about some plants, trying to learn about them more. When Bill went exploring with you he pointed out some of his favourites and you picked a few to put them in the brim of his hat for him to take him back to camp.

When you run into him again Bill tries to give you another flower, this time actually understanding the plant he’d picked was a Vanilla Flower Orchid or the Vanilla planifolia but he never learnt how to pronounce it unlike you.

With a high blush Bill placed the flower behind your ear and you pulled him into a hug, being careful not to crush the beautiful flower.

[waybrights]

Sats au

Marcy, after a whole day of nonstop writing: *sleepily/aimlessly walks around the studio*

Sasha, sipping her her coffee in the dark: "You know it's midnight, right?"

Marcy, going completely still: *looks around confused*

okay i wrote smth for this and ik it doesn't fit the prompt exactly i hope u enjoy it anyway!!!

There was something strangely comforting about the studio, especially when the only sound was the hum of the air conditioner and there was no one around. Well, no one but Marcy. Technically, she wasn't allowed to be there, but it's not like anyone was going to kick them out. Besides, she was certain no one knew she was still there. And if they did, no one had come for them yet, so they couldn't get mad when they found her asleep on the couch in the morning.

Besides, the studio was probably one of the only places Marcy could actually focus on what she was doing. Their house was too noisy, especially since Sprig and Polly were over for the week whilst Hop Pop was away on some important trip, and her phone and laptop were there too, all easy distractions from the music she was meant to be going over. So she stayed behind, in the dark studio that had really, really, shitty wifi and an air-con that was stuck blowing cold wind into the building.

Sure, it wasn't the best and they could afford to rent out a new one, but all three of them liked the studio enough to stay, even if the couch was starting to fall apart and it was constantly just above freezing.

On one particular night, Marcy was sitting on the cold floor, one of Sasha's guitars in her lap as she tried to figure out a chord progression. No matter how many combinations she tried, it never sounded right. Sure, they could always just ask Sasha to play something for her, but Marcy knew how tired she'd been recently, and didn't want to bother her with something as trivial as a chord progression. Plus, figuring out herself might make Sasha less stressed about having to do a whole tour after not playing for months due to an injury.

She hadn't meant to stay up so late, but then again, this stupid chord progression was meant to be easy. Luckily, the coffee machine had been fixed just the day before and restocked with just about everything Marcy needed to keep her awake for an extra ten hours and she was absolutely going to take full advantage of it.

---

Marcy wasn't sure how long she'd been sat there, staring down at those stupid lines, but the notes were starting to blur together, making it all the more harder to actually figure out what they were supposed to be doing. Their fingers hurt from playing and the song was rattling around in her head, the same three lines playing on a loop, bringing Marcy closer and closer to just tearing up the sheets surrounding her.

She hadn't realised she'd been crying until a single tear fell onto the paper, it only smudged one note, but it was enough for the frustration that had been building up for the past however long to boil over.

Biting her lip to stop herself crying even more, she stood up and made a beeline for the door, because if she stayed in this stupid recording booth for any longer, Sasha would come in finding her guitar in pieces.

Swiping up the half finished coffee, Marcy stomped out of the room, blinking quickly to get rid of the tears pooling in their eyes. God this is so stupid, she thought to herself as she slammed the door open. In the back of her mind, she knew it would mark the wall, but she didn't have it in her to care. She'd probably just let everyone down. It was a simple chord progression and she couldn't even figure it out. So much for one of the best songwriters, she huffed, practically slamming the cup onto the desk.

Only, she slammed it too hard and the handle came clean off. Marcy stared at it for a few seconds, their eyes flitting between the handle closed in their fist and the mug Anne had got for her birthday on the table. "Fuck," she mumbled, pressing the handle back onto the mug as if that would magically mend it. For a moment, it looked like it was balanced, and Marcy slowly pulled her hand away, only for the handle to clatter against the desk a second later.

For the next ten minutes, Marcy tried to reattach the handle, each with less success than the last. It was pathetic really, but she was so caught up in the fact that she broke Anne's gift to her, that she didn't really have the mental capacity to care about it. So what if everyone saw her breakdown the next time they checked the security footage? That didn't matter when she'd just ruined something Anne gave her.

It was the feeling of warm hands on her own that finally got Marcy to stop. Everything seemed to drain out of her as the mug and handle were pried away from her. Vaguely, she wondered who was in the studio so late, although there was a chance she'd just spent several hours trying to force a cup back together and everyone had arrived for their final session. Either way, they didn't object as someone wrapped their arms around her waist and picked them up.

"I'm sorry," Marcy mumbled after a few minutes. It hadn't been part of her plan when she opted to stay behind to have some sort of breakdown and then cry in someone's arms, and she couldn't help feeling like she should apologise.

"Don't worry 'bout it, you looked like you needed this," Sasha's voice was a mere whisper in her ear, but it still sent Marcy's heart racing.

"Sasha?" Marcy asked, her eyes snapping open as she stared up into her band-mate's face. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Sasha said, a small frown on her face.

"I was," they paused and looked down, resting their head against Sasha's chest. "I was trying to figure out that chord progression you were complaining about. You've been so stressed recently, and it doesn't help we're going back on tour soon and you haven't played in a while, so I thought that, maybe, if I fixed it for you, it would make you slightly less stressed," saying it out loud, she realised that maybe it wasn't her best idea, but she wanted to do something for her friends. They both did so much for her, it was high time she did something for them.

“You… you didn’t have to do that, mar-mar,” Sasha said gently, and even though she wasn’t looking, Marcy could see the smile on her face. The way Sasha’s lips twitched up and her eyes would crinkle ever so slightly, because she didn’t usually smile and when she did it was a sight to behold. “But if that’s what got you so upset…”

“No, it wasn’t that,” well, not entirely, “I just got stressed.”

“That, or you haven’t slept properly in about a week and keep sneaking off here when you think Anne and I are asleep,” Sasha said, though her voice held no anger.

Marcy felt themself go still as Sasha spoke. How did she know? Were they that obvious? No, no she couldn’t be because no one had even asked her about it before! “That’s stupid,” Marcy scoffed instead, “I’ve been sleeping perfectly fine.”

“Marce…” Sasha mumbled, her arms coming up to gently squeeze their shoulders. “You don’t have to lie to me. I won’t force you to tell me, but if you think it’ll help to get it off your shoulders I’m-” she swallowed, almost like it was hard to admit that she was there for Marcy. “I’m always here, whenever you need. Even if it is 1 am on the shitty studio couch,” she ended lightly. Marcy giggled and moved slightly to bring a hand up to where Sasha was drawing random shapes on their bicep.

“Thank you, Sash, seriously,” they said, threading their fingers together. “And I will tell you, both of you, just not right now.”

“It’s okay,” Sasha whispered, very obviously trying to hold back a yawn, “I’ll wait for as long as you need.”

Marcy smiled and pressed the pad of her thumb against Sasha’s. “Are you excited? For next week?”

“Hmm?” Sasha hummed, her body jerking ever so slightly as she woke up. “Yeah, but I’m also nervous, y’know?” she mumbled, slowly waving her lightly bandaged hand around. “I haven’t played in a while, so I don’t want to mess up or anything.”

“You won’t,” Marcy mumbled, her eyes growing heavy as they sat there, Sasha’s warmth creating a bubble of sorts, where nothing could get to her. “You’re really great, Sash, you’ll be amazing.”

When no response came, Marcy slowly lifted her head, only to find Sasha fast asleep against the arm of the couch. It looked uncomfortable, and they knew she would complain in the morning, but she looked so relaxed and Marcy didn’t want to ruin that for anything. So she slowly shifted so she was laying down, their head on Sasha’s lap and her arms wrapped tightly around Sasha’s waist. “Night, Sash.”

[sonybees]

random harry potter characters headcanons because i am bored

includes: fred, george, harry, ron, hermione, ginny, luna, seamus, dean, neville, padma, parvati, cedric, angelina, alicia, katie, cho, draco, adrian, blaise, and pansy.

warnings: slight modern!au, swearing, food mention

these are all headcanons i made on the spot so i’m sorry if they suck. i’m just really bored. it is also all over the place. a lot of these are collabs between some characters. i hope you enjoy though!

(by the way, the little dashes are just dividers)

rest under the cut!

fred would dance around his room at 3 am to literally any song.

jazz, classical, rock, metal, pop he does not give a fuck.

he woke up george once by jumping on his bed and playing all star on his electric guitar.

probably a song writer

uses “life is short” as an excuse to act on his bad decisions

dancing in the rain is one of his favorite things to do

sleeps at 3 am or pm, you decide.

hopeless romantic

good old fashioned lover boy by queen is his song

has a soft spot for hufflepuffs

-

george loves birds and bugs. completely unrelated to the last one but it’s true.

saw an injured bird outside his room when he was 5.

he cried and immediately took it in.

also cries when someone kills a bug.

thinks the bug’s family would be angry and disappointed in him.

enjoys painting random objects in his room

loves being called pet names

something like dear, honey, or hubby would make his heart burst

loves using them for his significant other as well

hopeless romantic part 2

has a soft spot for ravenclaws

-

harry is a night owl and he likes reading comic books.

he likes listening to rock music. i said what i said.

prefers being alone

likes quiet places and probably has a hideout

usually doesn’t understand poetry until he reads it like 20 times

has a soft spot for ravenclaws

-

ron adores ducks.

tears up when he sees them and always used to beg molly to keep them.

still tears up to this day.

not a big fan of seagulls though

he’s scared of them

but eagles are cool

likes country and rock music

also takes an interest in photography

the breakfast club is his favorite movie

has a soft spot for hufflepuffs

-

hermione loves listening to taylor swift.

reads to her songs always.

ravenclaws save her a special seat in their common room because a lot of them grew quite fond of her

a taste tester for hufflepuffs who go to katie’s lessons you’ll understand this later

she actually enjoys dressing up as well even if there wasn’t an event

has a soft spot for ravenclaws

-

ginny accompanies dean while he draws.

she just likes looking at other people do what they love so it’s not only dean.

she sometimes zones out looking at hermione read a book, always taking note of the facial expressions and guessing what she just read,

catching harry push his glasses up or cleaning them,

also is with luna every time she paints.

luna has a few artworks with ginny as her muse.

gin likes the simple things in life.

loves board games

sometimes a little too competitive

struts down the hallways with her significant other

she’d never admit it but she loves 10 things i hate about you

has a soft spot for slytherins

-

luna almost always goes with neville to the gardens.

she helps him with whatever he needs and sometimes draws a few stuff.

she’s a photographer too so she loves waking up early in the morning and taking photos.

amazing at braiding hair

and making flower crowns

likes reading royal fantasy books

watches 10 things i hate about you with ginny

has a soft spot for slytherins

-

seamus also hangs out with luna sometimes,

talking to each other about whatever.

he thinks she’s interesting and would make great conversations.

she does.

he also took some painting lessons from her

meditates

loves pumpkin juice

likes the movie my girl

has cried more than he will ever admit

has a soft spot for slytherins

-

dean has a wall in the boys dorm room where he puts up all his drawings.

the guys love it and always just stares at all of them in awe.

they’re all so amazing

is usually the first to notice when someone is sick

takes care of them immediately

loves sweaters

knows how to speak in latin

has a soft spot for hufflepuffs

-

neville goes to hagrid way more often than anyone thought.

he learned how to take care of the creatures, make some awesome tea,

he also sometimes helps hagrid clean his own house.

helps others in herbology

likes green tea

loves overalls

has a soft spot for ravenclaws

-

padma holds a record of the fastest writer at hogwarts

yeah, she’s amazing at it

ended up publishing her own fantasy book starting at hogwarts

sold out faster than expected

she is also a singer

amazing singer

movie marathons are her thing

prefers crime shows/movies

soft spot for gryffindors

-

parvati is very very very protective over her sister

does archery and is amazing at it

a very chill person until you mess with her loved ones

loves sixteen candles

adores puppies

watches big bang theory

soft spot for slytherins

-

cedric plays the piano.

the ravenclaw common room is where the only piano is at hogwarts so he goes there quite often.

everyone loves hearing him play.

other students gather around with their instruments and sing along as well.

wears glasses for reading

netflix type of guy

probably a theatre kid

has a soft spot for gryffindors

-

angelina also took piano lessons from cedric.

she just asked him one day where he learned it and he said his father taught him and he could tell that she wanted to learn.

so, he offered to teach her.

she was a natural at it and the lessons are always fun, even for the ravenclaws

angelina is also a tutor at hogwarts.

it all started with george and fred and she realized that she actually quite enjoyed it.

all her students love her

has a soft spot for ravenclaws

-

alicia is always the group leader in every group work she’s ever done.

she’s also usually the main organizer for any event at hogwarts.

she’s usually there with the help of angelina and katie.

they all work very well together

has a soft spot for slytherins

-

katie has a passion for cooking.

she’s friends with a lot of hufflepuffs and she meets a lot of them by the kitchens.

in there, they watch her cook amazing dishes and baked goods.

she was able to teach a few others how to as well.

the house elves love her.

has a soft spot for hufflepuffs

-

cho has an interest in fashion designing.

mcgonagall found her making a dress once in an empty hallway with some cool music playing.

minnie was amazed.

she was also able to start a fashion club at hogwarts.

luna, katie, dean and a few other were apart of this club as well.

likes pudding as much as luna does

has a soft spot for gryffindors

-

draco plays the violin.

pretty unexpected to his friends because he never really told anyone til goyle walked in on him playing in his dorm room.

he is actually very good at it.

combs his hair too often

the type to take too long at the water fountain

finishes his water bottle after like less than two hours of getting it

acts ‘ominous’ to the point where it’s funny

soft spot? for ravenclaws

-

adrian teaches young students how to play quidditch

his favorite color’s green for nature

actually loves reading and writing poetry

“most respectful”

has a soft spot for gryffindors

-

blaise seems very intimidating but is actually very sweet

shouts at quidditch games (much to everyones surprise)

loves the rain

likes dark academia movies

it’s basically his whole aesthetic

holds a record for most botts beans that fit in the mouth (without puking)

has a soft spot for hufflepuffs

-

pansy has a whole drawer of jewelry as she should honestly

actually soft for cats but it’s not like she’ll ever tell anyone

loves playing with other’s hair

massages her friend’s backs

they do the same for her

a goddess at card games

is actually a gymnast

has a soft spot for ravenclaws

-

bonuses: george and fred’s favorite movie to watch together is bill and ted’s excellent adventure

all the gryffindors have a movie night at least once a week and others from different houses join along as well

hermione, ginny, luna, parvati, padma, angelina, alicia, katie, and cho have girl nights

the same with the guys though it was quite awkward at first due to draco being there but they eventually warmed up to each other (after like 4 months)

no one really knows how draco and the slytherins even got there but yk

they never tell anyone that they’re comfortable with each other now though

tags: @quadrupledeckertaco @audreysmusings @georgeweasley19 @krasivayadarling @crookedhag

and others who i think would enjoy this: @lunalovecroft @whizboyhalo @darthwheezely @sirlorelai @puntuations @cherryweasleys @amourtentiaa @whatthefuckimbisexual @gredmforge (you don’t have to read if you don’t like!)

[grxtsch]

lyin’ eyes

[jimmy page x reader]

summary: after relationship troubles, (y/n) decides to leave and hopefully forget all that’s happened. but when she reaches a place that holds many memories, a certain old friend who she shared those memories with was waiting for her to return.

notes: i don’t know what that summary is but i made it up on the spot so don’t even complain abt it :P

also i personally think that this is my best fic so far so yeah enjoy ig 😩🤚

edit: LMAO this was supposed to be based off of the song by the eagles but my brain had other ideas rip

warnings: cheating (idk if i need to warn u abt that but i’m being safe), swearing, fluff

“(y/n) please wait!” a voice sounded from behind you as you dragged a suitcase filled with your clothes and other possessions to the front door.

“no chris, i’ve waited long enough at the damn restaurant and where were you?” you said, throwing your free hand up in the air. “you were fucking this bitch in our— no, your house.” you seethed back at your now ex-boyfriend, who stood with an expression of grief.

“in fact, i don’t want to wait at anymore restaurants for your stupid ass.” his grief soon turned into anger as you spun around on your heels and walked out the front door.

you could hear him shouting some profanities out of the open door, but you managed to block out his voice and instead focus on the sound of your shoes on pavement as you walked with your suitcase to wherever your feet would lead you.

you were completely done with his bullshit. coming home late claiming he was “working”, flirting with other girls when you two were out shopping, and, just like this night, leaving you stranded at some restaurant for some other chick. it wasn’t even the first time he’s done that. you were ready to leave him before this day had even started; you had spent a few days secretly putting all of your possessions into your handy suitcase, only putting away a couple things at a time so he wouldn’t notice the lack of your items in the house.

before you knew it, you were standing in front of a bar that you used to always go to with one of your dearest friends. “maybe he still comes here.” you thought as you made your way through the bar door and straight to a small booth in the far corner of the building. the same small booth that your friend and yourself had always sat at when you both would come here.

his name was james page, which he preferred jimmy, but you just used james instead to pick some fun at him. the two of you were the closest of friends, ever since your childhood where you fell off of your bike and he ran over to check to see if you were okay. he even went with you to your house just to make sure that you weren’t hurt. even as you both had gotten older, you would both help each other out with homework, watch movies together, and he even taught you some guitar chords and tricks.

the downfall of your friendship happened a while after he joined one of his first bands; the yardbirds. he would always be traveling, performing at different concert venues around the country, and even the world. at first you would just call him or he would call you on these tours, which worked well for awhile, until he got so busy with the band that he didn’t have any time to return your many missed calls.

you missed him dearly, thinking of him from time to time during the day. you often wondered what he was doing at the time when you thought of him, whether it was playing his guitar or just relaxing at wherever he may call home.

you stood up to go grab a beer, hoping to wash your thoughts away, when a very familiar sound reached your ears. it was his laughter. the same sweet laughter you grew fond of whenever you’d be around him. you didn’t know how much you longed to hear that sound again until that very moment, it almost held you in a trance until the beautiful sound melted away and the song that the jukebox was playing had replaced it.

“i was probably just imagining it.” you thought. running a hand through your hair to try and focus back on reality, you continued to the bar, a fairly large opening right in front of you that you could get to quickly. when you reached the bar, you heard a familiar voice say, “(y/n)! long time no see!” you looked up to see the bartender, florence. she has been the same bartender since you and jimmy started coming to this bar, usually just to hang out and talk about different things. you were still surprised that she still worked here, she’s not as young as she used to be, but you were glad that she was here and not some other new bartender.

“hey flo! how’s everything been recently?” you smiled lightly, not really in the mood to talk a lot, but willing to make small conversation with your old friend. “quite good dear! it’s been boring without yourself and jimmy constantly making a ruckus in here though, i kind of miss having to tell the manager about how you two broke the jukebox again!” florence joked, causing you to let out a small laugh. “yeah, those were the good old days, weren’t they?” she smiled. “they really were. anyway! how about a drink for you aye?”

“whiskey. any kind will do.” you replied, which flo nodded and went off to get your drink, coming back in record time with a glass about half way filled with the golden-brown alcohol. you smiled and said a quick “thank you” and carefully took the glass, bidding flo a farewell and she returning it.

you walked back over to your seat, the chat with florence clearing your mind of the earlier events and bringing your mood up a bit. she always had that effect on people, making them crack even a slight smile when they’re feeling blue. right as you were about to sit down, the voice that you never thought you’d hear again called out, “(y/n)? is that you?”

you set your glass down, mentally preparing to see him for the first time in a long, long time. holding your breath, you turn around and see him, the jimmy page, your old best friend. “james?” his hair was longer, barely reaching to his shoulder, and it was slicked back slightly, showing his beautiful green eyes. his smile was still the same, and you swore your heart did a backflip when he smiled at you and said “oh (y/n) i knew it was you! i couldn’t miss that gorgeous hair of yours anywhere.”

you were pretty sure that your face was bright red as you smiled bashfully. “oh thank you jim. and i see you grew yours out hm?” he chuckled, running his hand through his hair softly and said “yeah, i just thought why the hell not you know?” “mhm! i like it a lot, it suits you.” you said back, nudging his shoulder with your knuckle.

he grins and mumbles a quick “thanks”. he then looks back up at you and says “wanna sit and chat for awhile? catch up on all the times we missed?” you nod, motioning for him to sit at the opposite side of where your drink is, and he sat, you following his actions and sitting down as well. you grabbed your glass of whiskey and took a long sip of it, leaving only a small amount left in the bottom of the cup. jimmy’s eyes followed your hand as you set it back on the table, then his eyes flicked back up to meet yours, his eyebrows furrowed in concern.

“is everything alright? i haven’t seen you drink like that in, well, i’ve never seen you drink like that.” you sighed, drawing your finger around the rim of the cup gently. “if i’m being honest, no. a year after we, y’know, stopped talking, i found a guy and we got along quite well and started dating.” you noticed jimmy’s hand clenched into a fist, so you continued.

“everything was fine between us, until recently. he started going after other girls, even with me around him. he even asked me on a date just so i would stay, because i told him that if he doesn’t get his shit together then i’m just going to leave. we were supposed to meet at a restaurant, but of course he didn’t show up even when he’s the one who wanted me to go with him and not the other way around. so i went back to our former shared house and found him fucking some random chick that i’ve seen him flirt with before.” you stared at your drink, before grabbing it and finishing it off. as soon as you set the glass back, jimmy’s hand softly reached for yours and held it, caressing his thumb over your knuckles.

you rose your eyes up to meet jimmy’s, his eyes holding a soft, caring look, the same look that you’ve longed to see for many years. “it’s fine though, really. it’s not like i really loved him anyway..” you lied, thinking of when you first met chris, how happy he made you. but you realized that a certain someone, perhaps the someone sitting across from you, had made you happier than chris could’ve.

“(y/n) love, your lying eyes really give away that you did love him at one point, and it’ll take a while to try and un-love him, trust me.” a soft hand came in contact with your cheek, gently wiping a stray tear away that you didn’t notice had fallen. looking back up at jimmy, you smiled at him and brought your hand that wasn’t occupied and rested it against his. “i know jimmy, but i think i’ve already moved on from that asshole.”

his eyes flashed with a glimmer of hope, and he softly nodded, a small smile painting his face. he paused, then cautiously asked; “i know we’ve only talked for a few minutes, and you can refuse this offer, but how about we ditch this bar and go somewhere else?” you brought jimmy’s hand down to rest on the table, holding them both with your warm hands and nodded. “yeah, i’d like that.” he stood up from the seat, pulling you up with him.

“well then, what are we waiting for?”

tag list: @rebel-without-a-zeppelin @asetcrowley @reincarnated70sbaby @thebeatlesuniverse @princesspagey @jonesyjonesyjonesy

[ayyponine]

oh my god work training today was interesting..

divided into 3 bits the visual merchandising/how to present clothes on hanger/shelf was p cool, group brainstorm on more of the social aspect was great, but ooooof fashion advice on different body types rip! I felt great about my outfit fr the day UNTIL that whole section turned into an excersice to be practised on each other - first in pairs to try & figure out what either person is, then the whole GROUP looking you up & down to properly assess while the stylist feels u up, pulling loose clothes tighter or drawing a line from shoulders to hips to illustrate her point, then finally picking a sample outfit to rebalance whatever the hell is wrong w your body. like it’s all fun and games at the first informative explanation w illustrations of diff women like hii im looking respectfully at these beaautiful Shapes UNTIL suddenly youre the only upside down triangle APPARENTLY in a group of like 80% hourglasses or guitars heLLO? It’s all fun and games until “she has a waist so thats an hourglass right :) well mb not lets look again” turns into “nooo you cant wear that item bc it only emphasises how wide yr shoulders are :/ UNLESS we cover it up and add maybe a blazer or smth (no shoulderpads obv)”

like consider the following...... i m gay

like i thought wide shoulders was perhaps the single hottest shape for a lady to have until the very second you told me i am clearly this unappealing, unfeminine lookin triangle and started offering solutions

cue me now feeling increasingly insecure abt every observation on my shape (derogatory) which was just matter of factly stated to a group of attentive onlookers (some of them steady colleagues) while determining what the fuck i am and the verdict being obviously! different and wrong.

at least im not one of those poor souls who were pear shaped. to stand in the center of the group and the stylist going like “what do we think, hourglass???? nooooo thats right, she’s got really narrow shoulders huh that really needs to be balanced out”. consider the following.. there’s something romantic and or Romantic abt the pear silhouette and i love them. Even those present with just a str8 up box figure being told like hhh work w this garment to create the illusion of a waist i say WHY. every person w the perfect hourglass figure the rest of us chumps could merely try to emulate with deliberate visual trickery iwas ready to start biting

at least they offered free breakfast AND lunch so i scored me some koffiekoeken and some delightfully scrumptious lil sandwiches w brie, walnut & honey.... pray it goes straight to my THIGHS so it will balance me out and not to my STOMACH lest i turn into an apple figure aka the shape tragically described as “just stick legs and no ass no you can laugh but when you see em you will KNOW”

[ironhusband]

do u have any domestic TonyRhodey headcanons?

I sure do! Thanks for asking, Vix!

Rhodey is the one who cooks. Tony can’t cook at all. Seriously, Rhodey tried to teach him, videos online tried to teach him, professional chefs tried to teach him, Mama Rhodes tried to teach him. It’s no use. He just can’t do it. So Rhodey cooks. And Tony absolutely loves every single thing Rhodey makes for him. Rhodey says that he’s an amateur compared to his mother, but in true sappiness, Tony says Rhodey’s cooking is better because “you can just taste the love you have for me, honeybear.” Rhodey always rolls his eyes with a tiny smile because he loves how sappy his husband is. Rhodey is usually too busy with work to cook though, so usually Tony orders them takeout for dinner. Rhodey swears that the way Tony orders them takeout comes with psychic; Tony always orders by Rhodey’s mood even if he doesn’t know what Rhodey’s mood is. When he had a bad day at work, Tony orders him his comfort food. When he missed Tony that day, Tony orders the hamburgers from the chain Tony always invited on at MIT. When Rhodey had a good day at work and wanted to celebrate, Tony would order him something from some fancy new restaurant in Malibu. When Rhodey’s day was fine but tiring, Tony orders pizza and they eat quickly before going to bed. Even though their cooking skills are different, food is a love language for the both of them. 

They’re the kind of couple that can sit together in comfortable silence. They do like to do things together, watching TV or doing a puzzle or working together on a project, but sometimes it’s nice when they do different things in the same space, content and happy. Usually Rhodey would draw something while Tony would answer Emails or Rhodey would go over some of his trainees resumes while Tony was mindlessly playing the guitar. Occasionally, they would look at the concretion on each other's face and smile fondly. Sometimes they do it while sitting side by side or with their legs tangled together. They always feel completely at ease and relaxed, just by being close to one another. 

People (The Avengers) are sometimes surprised at how much Tony and Rhodey love PDA when they’re with people they trust. Usually in public, they like to keep their hands off each other. Oh sure, they flirt like crazy, and Tony loves to announce that they’re very much together and that he’s crazy about Rhodey, but they don’t really touch. It’s a left over instinct from DADT. At home though? Tony and Rhodey always kiss before they go to work. They hold hands a lot, even if it interferes with them doing something (that’s how they broke the sink once). They constantly call each other’s nicknames and tell each other how much they’re loved. Tony always kisses Rhodey’s forehead whenever it’s in reach and Rhodey kisses Tony neck in a way that makes him giggle because the spot is ticklish. They always cuddle up to one another at movie nights and play footsie under the table at dinnertime. DADT might have meant they can’t show their love in public, so they like to remind each other of how much they love each other and want nothing more than to touch in private. 

Tony and Rhodey have the exact same taste in everything. In movies, in books and in music and in humor and in hobbies. It’s not like they agree about everything, and even about their taste in popular culture, they like to pretend they’re different. But they have the exact same taste in everything. Which means they have monthly book clubs with just one another (because everyone else are clearly idiots) and they always listen to the same music in the workshop and for movie nights, they both laugh at each other’s jabs at the movie. They don’t ever have to tell each other before ordering tickets, because they’d either love it together or hate it together, but they’d always do it together. They do crosswords together and puzzles together and work on workshop projects together. As I said, they love doing things together, and with their shared interests, they get to do it a lot.

They love dancing! Absolutely adore it. They love dancing individually, Rhodey absentmindedly moving to the songs he used to like as a kid while Tony smiles fondly at his dork of a husband and Tony “distractingly” dancing in a seductive way, absolutely knowing what he’s doing to Rhodey. They love dancing together too. They love going to the clubs and complaining about the music the young people now but still dancing like they used to in MIT ( “let’s show them how it’s done!” they say. Everyone backs away twenty feet from them because these old people are so embarrassing). They love dancing in the workshop to the music they like, sometimes just nodding their heads to the beat and sometimes full on dancing, even if the music isn’t remotely dancing music. They love slow dancing, sometimes doing it randomly, without music in the background until JARVIS puts some Sinatra on, and by that time they’re too wrapped up in each other to notice the music came on.

Instead of date nights, Tony and Rhodey have “staying in bed” days. Sometimes their lives are so hectic and Tony’s sleep schedule is usually a mess anyway, that they need a break. They need a whole day to sleep in until late, have breakfast in bed brought to them (by Pepper, the hotel they’re staying at, or one of the Avengers), cuddle between the sheets, watch horrible new movies that they didn’t get a chance to see yet and make love where they want to. It happens once a month, usually at the last day of the month. It’s a nice way to start a new month, they think. It makes them both so happy to have a whole day for one another. They chose this instead of date nights, because this feels so much more intimate and romantic for them.

They don’t really say “I love you.” They both know they each other, but it’s very rare they say the words. They like to show it instead. Tony loves making big gestures and sending flowers to Rhodey’s work and he throws his arm over Rhodey’s shoulder while they lace their fingers together and kissing Rhodey passionately whenever he can. Rhodey for his part compliments Tony whenever the opportunity arises, never misses a chance to make him laugh and he leaves Tony Rhodey’s favorite hoodie for Tony to steal and he loves running his hands in Tony’s hair and kissing his cheeks. The word ‘love’ never needs to be said. They both know it and they both show it, and that’s enough for them. 

They’re silly and childish with one another. They absolutely build blanket forts together and talk until they both fall asleep, like they’re still teenagers. They still but lightsabers and pretend they’re fighting each other to the death. They both still say ‘jinx’ whenever they finish each other’s sentences. They both still fight over the bubble wrap whenever they get a new package, and eventually all the fighting means all the bubble are already popped. They both still declare the floor is lava sometimes, and take the game completely seriously. Tony and Rhodey are both serious professionals that can adult properly. But with each other they feel comfortable enough to have some childish fun together, feeling like no one would judge them.

They take care of each other differently when they get sick. Rhodey is more low-key about it. He makes Tony soup, reminds him to make his meds and cuddles Tony when he’s feeling too miserable. Tony likes it for the most part. Not working sucks and Rhodey is evil for forcing him to stay in bed. Rhodey just rolls his eyes and tells him projects are better without sick germs being all over them. Tony however, freaks out whenever Rhodey is sick. He forces him to go to the doctor, and when the doctor sends them home, because Jesus Christ, Tony, it’s just a cold, he constantly asks Rhodey how he’s feeling, buys him the best meds, piles blankets over pillows over blankets on his bed to make sure Rhodey is comfortable, he flies all the way to Philly to bring Rhodey soup from his mom and he gets him what he wants whenever he wants (unless the request is “oh my god, leave me alone!”). Rhodey thinks it’s sweet, even if Tony is a little bit overreacting. He would much rather have a nice, relaxing day to be miserable in his sickness, though.

They’re always bickering. About absolutely stupid things. It’s never serious, of course. They almost never fight, unless it’s about really important often moral issues. But they always bicker. It’s their way of flirting. Tony is just a person who generally bickers with people, and Rhodey is one of the few people who cam keep up with him (comes with practice) so of course he returns his quips jab for jab. Most times they bicker over breakfast or over their work together and sometimes they bicker while they’re with their friends or when they’re talking to the bots. But they always bicker with a fond expression and their fingers linked together and with a kiss at the end. 

[strawberryw1ne]

i heard ur manifesting requests so here i am shamelessly begging for semi eita content

it could be anything like headcanons or short one shots, just something with semi bc the fandom is sleeping on him

an semi is the most slept on character and also the prettiest? pick a struggle wtf. anyway bff i hope u enjoy xx 

DATING SEMI EITA 

he loves you. holy fuck, he loves you so much. you can’t tell me semi doesn’t love wholeheartedly and unashamedly. he doesn’t seem like the type to date casually - he’s in it for the long run. 

although, you do have to share his love with his guitar, which is definitely named [your name] jr. or something dumb like that. 

he writes songs about you. endless songs, stretching way over five minutes because he can’t quite put his feelings into concise words. 

you can’t convince me his love language isn’t physical touch. he has to have his hands on you at any given time, or else he feels as though you might float away. he’s always touching you, hands on your waist or your shoulders, fingers linked through yours, tangled in your hair, chin on your shoulder, legs thrown over yours on the couch, head resting in your lap. 

play fights. semi doesn’t always know how to express his need to touch you, so he resorts to kicking your legs out from underneath you and instigating a faux wrestling match. he almost always lets you win. 

he’s clingy but not overbearing: he often feels second-best and needs the reassurance. 

he goes red so easily. it starts at the tip of his ears and quickly bleeds into his face and neck, until every visible part of his upper body is dark pink. and all you did was kiss the end of his nose. 

he picks up some of your mannerisms purely because he watches you every chance he gets. the way you stretch, the funny way you say certain words or the way you swear suddenly become the way you both do those things. his friends tease him, but they’re habits he can’t unlearn.

semi’s shoulders are freckled. change my mind. like, really freckled. all over his shoulders, his collarbones, the back of his neck. 

he likes it when you paint his nails. realistically, he’s probably better at it than you are, but he prefers to watch you hanging over his fingers with a crease between your eyebrows, shakily holding the brush over his nails. 

he wants you to do his makeup all the time, too. he’s scared of using the eyeliner himself and always begs you to do it for him, because it’s an excuse to be centimeters away from your face and it means he won’t poke himself in the eye with the pencil. 

i think his laugh is probably deep and throaty most of the time, but when he’s alone with you he giggles. like, seriously giggles. high pitched and nasal, like a six-year-old on the playground. he rolls around clutching his stomach, gasping and squeaking like a little kid. 

semi’s straightedge and always asks you to draw the crosses on his hands before he goes to bars or venues - whether it’s his concert or someone else’s. he can never get them bold or neat enough, and he likes it when you hold his hand. 

dating semi eita is basically like adopting a six-foot-tall sentient toddler - he wants you to do everything for him, to only pay attention to him, to baby him. and you do it, because heck, you’re in love with him too. 

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for the Avengers’ days off

Avengers x reader

warnings: stabbing mention lmao, guns

a/n:

prompt: anonymous: “can we have a y/n just chilling with all the avengers?”

over the years, it was hard to have a peaceful day off, but sometimes that was the priority

each avenger had a preference on what they liked to spend their free time on

but we all know that there’s never a true stress-free day when it comes to your team

most of you preferred sleeping in, but not cap or sam, it was 6:00am sharp for them

you had begged tony to soundproof this place, but noooo

“it’s just not practical, what if someone’s being stabbed? what if we cant hear them yelling for help?”

so you could hear the clattering of the kitchen and buried your face into your pillow

sooner or later you’d roll out of bed and find breakfast had been cooked for the whole team

“‘morning, y/n! we made eggs, toast, bacon, waffles, and cut up some fruit! here’s your plate and here’s some juice”

“oh, wow, smells great”

it could’ve been worse, at least there were no coffee grounds in the disposal so you didn’t have to hear tony complain

speaking of tony, he emerged from the hallway in his silk robe with bags under his eyes

“well, i dont know about you guys, but i slept great!”

“how many hours of sleep did you get, tony?”

“you know, like...two”

sooner or later, the rest of the avengers had been woken up and everyone gathered in the living room to watch the news and talk about their plans

“can we watch something other than the news? i’d honestly be down to watch spongebob, anyone else?” -rhodey

you were in charge of the remote

“hell yeah, i thought you’d never ask”

this full group of adults peacefully watching nickelodeon together until everyone was finished

now there was a pile of dishes in the sink and a very dirty kitchen but everyone just kind of forgot about it and went on to other things

so what relaxed the avengers?

well, most of them liked to train, but they had other hobbies too

like steve, he liked to draw (every once in a while he showed you his sketches and they’re honestly really good?? especially the redraw of a monkey in the ‘40s)

sometimes he even asked you to model poses for him

“just another minute, y/n, you’re doing great”

*you standing on one shaking leg in a kick position*

steve made u draw with him

“it’s therapeutic”

you left your art in his room and now it’s hung up on the fridge

and then there was tony, who was working on some new inventions that you were a bit worried about

you snuck past the lab, but FRIDAY told him that you were near

“y/n! come help me with this really quick!”

“damn, so close”

“can you try this on and shoot it at that target over there?”

“why cant you do this?”

“because your body is able to ‘take the heat’ or whatever that dumb catchphrase you have is”

luckily it worked, but “not good enough” and you ended up helping tony hold the thing in place while he worked

“so, how’s your day off going so far? do anything fun?”

“hung out with steve while he was working on some sketches”

“so i’m going to take that as a ‘no’”

tony relieving you of your duties so that you could roam the compound once more

hearing wanda play guitar!! you loved hearing her play!

“knock knock”

“come in”

you laid in her bed for a while and listened to her soothing voice, it made up for tony’s lab assistant thing

“do you know what’s for lunch?”

“i think today’s special is ‘serve yourself’”

you and wanda went off to the kitchen to make macaroni and cheese (because why not??? im about to make my own mac and cheese)

(also u made tony a pb&j bc u knew damn well he wasn’t coming out of that lab for a while) (u gave him lightly salted chips too bc he needs to cut down on his sodium)

“tony, eat lunch”

“aww, for me? you shouldn’t have”

yall think wanda watches shameless?? bc i kinda do and these are my headcanons so she watches shameless

“we’re more unstable than the gallaghers, they should make a show about us”

she almost choked on her mac and cheeseeee

“keeping up with the avengers”

“‘tony, what the fuck is up with your wifi, you have this big-ass compound and you can’t afford a wifi box out here?’”

“‘it’s not about affording, it’s about radiation’”

“‘you’re gonna die anyway! you understand that, right? die with a good snapchat going through!’”

nearly pissing yourself laughing

but vision asked wanda a favor and you wandered off to another part of the compound

ah, yes, the training room

clint, nat, sam, and rhodey were all in here; it was target practice day

“y/n, grab a gun and get over here!”

“a gun? let’s teach y/n some archery”

“nobody wants to learn archery, clint”

“what? you said you wanted to”

“yeah, but you never taught me”

“well, i can teach you right now”

“fine, let’s go!”

red-wing flew very close to your head

“watch out, y/n!” -sam

“dude, you’re gonna kill them” -rhodey

“seems like now is a bad time?”

everyone was just kind of bickering as per usual, you were just a teeny bit bored

but sam agreed to a round of hand-to-hand combat that really relaxed you

no, really, the best stress reliever is a peaceful fight between your roommates

you were kinda glad it wasn’t nat you were fighting because she’d probably put you on the mat twice a minute

soon, each of you worked up a sweat and you went to your private bathroom to take a shower

there was always hot water at the avengers compound, so that was a comforting thought

after you were out, you got dressed into some cozy pajamas and walked out to the kitchen, where wanda and vision were making dinner

a few avengers were already out on the couches, just watching the tv

you joined them and suggested that they should all watch a movie tonight

“what kind of movie?”

“i dont know? hot tub time machine?”

everyone agreed

and side eyed steve when sebastian stan popped up on screen

“guys, i really dont see the resemblance! cant we just watch the movie?”

“are you blind??”

“his 90 year old eyes deceive him”

it was a good dinner

“sam, you stink”

“i havent taken a shower yet”

what a loving family

[amelialincoln]

Are u gonna write after tonight’s episode like u usually do? hope you focus on when link left but also after the hug thanks xx

Fragile 

“Because I’m not an alcoholic, I’m not in recovery…” Link continued yelling but all Amelia could focus on was how much she wanted to slap him on his very perfectly symmetrical face. As if asking him if he was drunk at 9am was such a crazy idea when he started drinking at 12pm yesterday. It wasn’t like she was shaming him or telling him how uncomfortable it really made her, she was just worried about him, more than herself. Of course she’d noticed his little guitar drinking sessions. Whiskey had been lingering on his breath for the past week every time he crawled into bed. The slamming of the front door brought her back to reality. She went to put the Whiskey back on the shelf and realized it was gone.

“Auntie ‘mels, where’s uncle Link?” Amelia turned to find Ellis standing in the doorway to the backyard and she tried to hold back some of the tears that were forming in her eyes out of frustration. “He’s gone,” She replied, realizing she hadn’t retained where he said he was going. “But he’ll be back soon.” She tried to hide the uncertainty in her eyes. “You wanna come garden?”

“Yes!” Ellis squealed.

“Alright then,” Amelia laughed lightly for her nieces sake. “Not for too long though because Scout is going to wake up from his nap soon. You go pick the bulbs and I’ll be there in a second.”

“Maybe daffodils? Or tulips?”

“Surprise me.” Amelia gushed, brushing a strand of hair out of the excited girl’s face and smiling as she took off into the backyard. She went back to the dishes she was putting into the dishwasher before her and Link’s quarrel, knocking one of them off the counter as she abruptly turned and it clattered to the ground, shattering into a million pieces. “Damn it,” she cursed, momentarily wanting to throw another one at the wall.

“Amelia.” Maggie had entered the kitchen upon hearing the noise. “You okay?” She could see that her sister was on the verge of tears.

“I’m fine,” she replied coldly, pushing past Maggie as she tried to wrap her arms around her and stormed out into the backyard. “Don’t let the kids in the kitchen, I’ll clean it up when I’m done in the garden,” she called over her shoulder. Maggie sighed, picking up the ceramic shards, of what used to be her sister’s favourite plate, before sweeping up the rest of the mess. She wondered momentarily where Link had gone and wondered briefly if he had anything to do with Amelia's abruptness. Sometimes it shocked her how little she knew the man who was raising a baby, and taking care of all of Meredith's children, with Amelia. She had no suspicion of Link being abusive, and Amelia had never seemed happier...or exhausted, but if anyone could be taken advantage of, despite being such a strong minded person, it was her. Maggie hadn’t heard the extent of the awful things that Owen had said, but if anyone needed more confirmation that she was worthy of love, it was Amelia. As Maggie gazed out into the backyard to find Ellie sitting on her auntie's lap and giggling uncontrollably, she could practically feel her blood boiling.

[][][]

Amelia spent the rest of the day doing what she did every day, cleaning, feeding and worrying. This time not only about Meredith, but about her boyfriend who drove off with a 2 6 practically full of hard alcohol without a word about where he was going.

“Bailey, leave your sister alone,” Amelia called from her spot on the lawn chair. Scout was nestled into her chest sleeping and she glanced at him worriedly to make sure he was still asleep. “Bailey, we do not pull hair!” Zola had been having a hard enough day with the heavy conversation they’d had earlier that afternoon, she didn’t need Bailey yanking on her pigtails in an attempt to distract her from studying.

“But I’m bored,” Bailey whined, drawing out the end of his sentence until Amelia wanted to cover her ears.

“Why don’t you go see what Ellis is doing?” Amelia offered, lowering her voice as Scout started to stir.

“Ellis is boring,” Bailey complained. If Amelia heard that word one more time she thought she might explode. 

“We’re all bored, Bailey,” she sighed, trying to think of something her nephew could do. “Have you studied for your spelling test tomorrow?”

“Yeah.”

“So you’ll be getting ten out of ten like Zola?” She asked.

“No, ten out of ten is impossible for everyone other than Zola,” Bailey groaned.

“Okay, here’s my idea. If you can get eight out of ten, you can have an extra half hour of screen time tomorrow.”

“Really?” Bailey’s eyes lit up like a CT scan. “Wait, eight out of ten is still way too hard.” Amelia shrugged.

“Better get studying then.” 

“Fine,” Bailey grumbled. “I’ll go study.” Amelia gave him a thumbs up and tried not roll her eyes as he trudged into the house. She glanced down at Scout who was pawning for her nipple and laughed lightly before moving her tank top to the side, wishing Link could be here to laugh at their adorable boy with her.

“Hey what’s up?” She yawned, sliding open her vibrating phone to reveal Maggie’s maskless face. “You on a break?” 

“Yeah, managed to squeeze in lunch,” Maggie sighed, taking a bite of her sandwich. “It’s like the great depression over here.”

“Yikes.” 

“Yeah, Winston and I are working on a case. It’s weird but we’re working well together.” 

“That’s good,” Amelia grinned, feeling better about him after their breakfast together this morning. “He fits into Grey Sloan?”

“Yeah, looks great in the navy blue,” Maggie chuckled, her eyes darting to the door and momentarily lifting her mask to her face before setting it back down. “Have to find closets to eat in at this point,” she joked. “The cafeteria freaks me out.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Amelia shrugged, shifting Scout to the other side uncomfortably.

“Is Link back?” Maggie asked, watching her sister’s face darken.

“No,” she replied simply. “He’ll probably be soon though.”

“Are you guys okay?” Maggie blurted out. “Like are you okay?”

“Yeah, we’re fine,” Amelia replied defensively, stunned by the seriousness in Maggie’s voice.

“He’s been drinking a lot, Amelia, we all noticed it. That’s not fair to you and the plate--”

“Whoa,” Amelia interrupted her quickly. “Maggie, I’m in recovery but I’m good. I have a lot to be sober for right now so I’m...good.”

“Well, I’m happy you're so good,” Maggie replied, unconvincingly. “It doesn’t really seem respectful though. Just because you’ve been in recovery for awhile doesn’t mean anything. You can relapse after being sober for years. I’ve seen it with Richard, it’s a never ending cycle.”

“Yeah, exactly.” Amelia bit her lip, surprised by how easily Maggie seemed to understand.

“Like it’s not that I feel uncomfortable having a glass of wine around you. You’ve been to parties where everyone’s been wasted, it's just...I don’t feel comfortable leaving you with someone that’s using alcohol in the same way that you once did.”

“To turn off,” The worried sister confirmed.

“He’s getting drunk by himself in the garage, Amelia.”

“I know.” She hugged Scout tightly into her chest for support and the baby gurgled with happiness at the sudden affection from his mother.

“You guys made an amazing kid.”

“I know,” her response is teary as she glances down at the big blue eyes staring back up at her. “That’s the issue. Everything is so perfect when it comes to him, until it isn’t.”

“Meaning?” The anger in Maggie’s voice caused her to flinch.

“He’s not hitting me, Maggie,” she said softly in case the kids were eavesdropping. Her sister’s demeanour seemed to relax. “Did you honestly think that?”

“No, of course not. We all love Link. He’s perfect. I just feel like I barely know him. Like deeply, you know? He’s not an open book like you.”

“I know,” she sighed. “Sometimes I feel that way too. I have no idea where he is right now, Maggie. I’m worried,” her voice cracked almost unnoticeably.

“He’s a grown adult, Amelia,” Maggie answered with resentment. “He can at least take care of himself if he’s going to leave you alone with four kids for however long.” She glanced up at the door. “Look, I’ve got to go but I can come over tonight and we can talk.”

“It’s fine. Thanks for calling but just spend the night with Winston. You’ve been over enough.” 

“Okay, but just text me if you need anything.” Her voice was muffled as she secured her mask and ended the FaceTime.

[][][]

Amelia glanced at her phone for what seemed like the hundredth time that day as she tucked the last Shepherd kid into bed.

“Where's Uncle Link?” Eliis complained, disappointed by only receiving three stories from an exhausted Amelia.

“He’ll be back soon, bug,” Amelia promised. “You have an early zoom class tomorrow so we can only read three tonight, okay?”

“Uncle Link would read me five anyways,” she whined, tears brimming in her blue eyes. 

“Come on, Ellie,” Amelia wanted to cry with her. “We had a big day.”

“I don’t want you, I want my mom. Why did you make my mom go away?” The stubborn girl complained, rubbing her puffy eyes with her fists.

“I didn’t, sweetheart. She’ll be back soon too,” she was too tired not to tell her otherwise tonight.

“Really?” Ellis asked with a small smile.

“Yep,” Amelia nodded, regretting it instantly. “Now go to bed and time will go by faster.”

“Okay,” her niece finally caved, snuggling into her polka dotted duvet. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Amelia sighed, turning off the lamp as she exited the room and breathing a sigh of relief, momentarily lingering with her back against the door.

“Hey, Link’s voice caused her to jump. “Sorry.” He handed her a steaming cup of green tea that she drank each night. What he didn’t know was that she’d been needing some sort of beverage nightly to distract her from wanting anything else.

“Thanks.” She wrapped her hands around the warm ceramic mug and tried to step away from the intoxicating smell of whiskey that he was exuding.

“Sorry it’s bad,” he apologized, running a tired hand through his hair. His eyes were rimmed with red and he looked as if he’d just staggered home from who knows where.

“Were you at a bar or...”

“I went to Deluca’s thing,” he answered messily. “With Jo, we went and it was nice. Did you--”

“Yeah, I watched most of it, you were day drinking with Jo?” It’s not that she didn’t trust them, she knew how much Jo meant to Link and she never wanted to come between that, but did she still feel the tiniest bit jealous? Absolutely.

“In her loft. They were tested like yesterday.”

“They?”

“Jackson was there too.”

“Ah,” she took a sip of the tea and closed her eyes momentarily.

“You look tired,” he observed and she almost laughed at him.

“Um, yeah. They’re all a lot for one person,” she replied, gesturing to the four shut doors in the hallway.

“Maggie and Winston left?” He scratched the back of his head with confusion.

“They had work today.”

“Oh...right.” They stood together awkwardly before Amelia turned towards their bedroom.

“You need to shower and brush your teeth. I need a good sleep,” she yawned, not offering an explanation for why him reeking of hard liquor would cause her another sleepless night, since he obviously hadn’t put two and two together. “Wait is that--” She shut their bedroom door and crawled into bed before he could finish.

[][][]

Link finally came to bed about a half hour later, slamming his shin against the bed frame as he stumbled into the dark room.  

“Are you okay?” Amelia’s voice rang out in the darkness.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he groaned, lowering himself cautiously onto the mattress and sliding under the covers. “Look, I’m sorry.”

“Thank you,” she rolled away from him tiredly, closing her eyes.

“If you don’t want me to keep liquor in the house I won’t,” he spoke clearly into the darkness.

“Link, I don’t need you to hide liquor or drinking from me,” Amelia sighed. “If anything, I feel more uncomfortable when you do it in secret.”

“I thought that would be better for you,” he responded truthfully.

“How would you know? You didn’t ask me.” Silence hung in the air and she debated going back to sleep.

“Amelia it’s hard.”

“It’s hard for everyone, Link. You don’t get to act like you’re the only one keeping secrets or walking on eggshells or losing people right now. People are grieving and dying. That doesn’t make what we’re experiencing any less hard. I’m going crazy. But I’m not diminishing how others are feeling by shoving my problems in their faces and comparing who has it worse. It’s not a competition.”

“Okay, did Jo tell you--”

“Jo didn’t tell me shit. I don’t have time to talk to Jo or make calls about where you are. I don’t have time to be worrying about where you are or if you’re safe while trying to keep an entire household of people together.”

“I should’ve been here today.”

“Yeah,” she tried to remove any hint of emotion in her voice. “I needed you.”

“I brushed my teeth and I used that plastic thing...that makes all the bubbles.”

“You used my loofah?” She tried to hide her amusement.

“Can you just come here?” He pleaded, opening his arms and allowing her burrow herself in his neck. “I thought I was doing the right thing.”

“I know,” she sighed. “Just no more lies or we won’t make it.” He nodded, holding her closely as her breathing deepened into his chest.