#u may not like it but the way u use words does shape how society perceives their meaning

[silverlightqueen]

Filter - Part 2

‘There are so many sides to him, it’s hard to keep track.’

fratboy/jock!Jimin x cheerleader!reader - e2l, smut, a n g s t, comedy, fluff 

Part of ficswithluv’s Bulletproof Bingo!

Rating: 18 (graphic sex and mature themes)

Word Count: 16.6k+ (she’s a monster omg I’m so sorry)

Warnings - bad language, humiliation (not during sex - he just embarrasses the hell out of her in public), alcohol, drug consumption, explicit discussion of sex, locker room sex, y/n being a brat again, jimin being a dick again (but worse,,,so much worse), dom!jimin, sub!y/n, teasing, oral sex (m and f receiving), fingering, tit fucking, tit slapping, Jimin’s monster cock makes a return, praise, explicit dirty talk, mild degradation, exhibitionism, semi-public sex, unprotected sex, standing sex, asphyxiation, y/n and jimin argue again (multiple times), Jimin is literally the worst human being on earth in this omg I’m sorry for making him terrible, somehow I ended up putting a comment on society and the patriarchy (?) at the end but we go with it, girl power! and if your kpop boy is in this, he’s trash (unless he’s Stray Kids Minho, the only male character in this that deserves rights)

a/n: unedited lol and this really didn’t go the way it was supposed to, but I don’t hate it so here ya go, enjoy! I think in this lockdown, I’ve really started to,,,,hate men and it shows in this fic so I’m sorry to any boys that might be reading this lmao. but anyway thank you to the loml @silverlightprincess​ for proofreading this, you’re the best hype girl ever, luv u xoxo (and I promise I’ll work on The Other Half for you and @brinnalaine​ ) lmk what you think of it, I legit thrive off praise lol x

Read Part 1 first !!!

also I got the banner off google so credit to whoever made it (it has no relevance to the story but it matches the colour scheme so we roll with it lmao)

silverlightqueen masterlist

‘Good afternoon, everyone, and thank you so much for coming. We really appreciate the turn-out, and we’re super excited to see your try-outs! Today is going to be quite simple; we’ll start by speaking to you one-by-one to see the range of movements that you can do. Not everyone on the squad has to be able to fly and tumble, so don’t be worried if you can’t do certain flips or jumps – we try to include people of all abilities as long as the raw talent is there, and you’ll be able to learn a lot if you make the squad. Once we’re aware of what you can do, we’ll group you into smaller groups and teach you a simple routine, a slightly different one for each group. We’ll watch you perform the routine as a group after some practice time, and then we’ll assess your Cheer ability one by one, just a couple flips and jumps and things like that. If you really would rather not do them by yourself, that’s okay. Just let one of the squad know, and we’ll pair you with someone else who feels the same. We understand that some of you may not feel confident enough to perform in front of everyone else by yourselves. And it’s okay if you don’t have much confidence, because that’s something we will work on and help you to improve if you make the squad. Does anybody have any questions?’

Dozens of hopeful faces smile back at me, not one hand rising to ask a question, and I smile back. I was nervous about my first time doing this, speaking in front of everyone as newly elected Cheer Captain, but having the rest of the squad behind me makes me feel better. ‘Okay, great. If you could get into four lines in front of each of the seats at the desk, we’ll get started!’ I say excitedly. Irene, Jisoo, Chen and Jihyo (the most responsible people on the squad) are sat behind the desk to write down what people are able to do, the others on the squad dotted around to help if anyone needs it, and all the people here to try-out head over to the desk. I take a moment to take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves, and I tilt my head back to feel the sun on my face. The weather’s lovely today, warm and sunny with a slight cool breeze, perfect for cheer try-outs, and the turf of the pitch is healthy and green, not yet ruined by the studs on the bottom of the players’ football boots (training doesn’t start ‘til next week).

‘y/n, relax, babe. Everything’s going well, you did a good job,’ Jennie says from behind me, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder, and I nod. ‘Yeah, I know. It’s just… being Cheer Captain, it’s big boots to fill.’ ‘I know, but you’ve got all of us helping you out. You know we’re all here to support you. Stop stressing yourself out,’ she says, and I turn to smile at her. ‘Thank you, Jen.’ ‘Don’t thank me, because now I’ve got bad news,’ she says, looking reluctant to speak, and I side-eye her. ‘What?’ ‘We have spectators.’ ‘We always have spectators.’ ‘That’s not what I meant,’ she says, turning me to look over to the bleachers which are a few metres away. And when I spot a group of ASP boys sat there, watching us and waving when I look over, my heart nearly stops. ‘You’ve got to be fucking kidding,’ I mutter, putting my hand up to shield my eyes from the sun and see them properly. And of course he’s there. Of course he is.

I haven’t seen him since a week ago today, when I ran out of his room while he was fast asleep and did the most talked about ‘Walk of Shame’ at school in the past year. All week, everyone’s been talking about me and Jimin, and somehow the rumours have spiralled out of control. My friends have reported back that they’ve heard that Hoseok and Namjoon joined us when they walked in on us, that I left before Jimin could finish, that I cried and begged him to let me cum (which my friends have denied on my part despite it being kinda true) and that I left wearing no underwear and flashed everyone on my way out. And that’s not even the worst of the rumours. I’ve tried not to comment on it when people have asked me, and it seems Jimin’s stayed quiet too – I’m sure it would’ve been hot news if he’d said anything.

I woke up the next morning aching, my entire body sore and weak (I really have no idea how I managed to leave the frat house on my feet – it must have been the adrenaline). My neck, jaw and chest were covered in purpling marks, some of them in the shape of his rings, and my waist and ass were covered in dark painful bruises from his tight grip and the endless spanking (the marks and bruises are all still there, by the way, fading but there – I had to cake the makeup on top of them this morning to cover them in my skimpy cheer kit). It hurt to sit down for too long, but it hurt to walk too, so I spent all of Sunday lying down, Jennie nursing me back to health (as she calls it – in reality, she just microwaved some soup for me, and we binge-watched Netflix in bed together). My body isn’t used to intense sex like that because not many university boys are as good at sex as Jimin is. I hate to admit it, but I’ve been zoning out all week (during lectures and seminars, when I was with my friends, at the gym, whilst studying or watching TV, when I was trying to fall in sleep, whilst showering, etc.) thinking back to mind. And I hate it – I hate him. I used to think of him with irritation and borderline rage, but now… the thought of him turns me on. It’s infuriating. I haven’t even gone over to get my stuff – not even my favourite bra (it was sexy and comfy, lacy with no underwire) – for fear of falling back under his stupid spell and getting into his bed again.

When my eyes meet his, it’s like he knows that I’m wet, a small smirk playing at his glossy lips as he runs a vascular hand through his jet-black locks, silver rings glinting in the sunlight. He looks fucking gorgeous, in a pair of loose black slacks and a loose orange shirt, a simple but flattering outfit, with his silver earrings, rings and bracelets. And the irritation inside me pushes down the arousal, and I turn away angrily, hearing their laughter over my shoulder as my eyes meet Jennie’s. ‘I can go speak to them if you want?’ she offers weakly, and I sigh. ‘There’s nothing we can say; they’re allowed to be here. We’re just gonna have to ignore them,’ I say, and she nods, throwing an arm over my shoulders and leading me towards the table.

I oversee the proceedings, making sure everything’s going well, my mind still elsewhere, but after a few minutes, the noise they’re making is unbearable. They’re loud – laughter and shouting echoing around the pitch – and it’s starting to distract the squad, and the people here to try-out. ‘Should I go tell them to shut up?’ Jennie asks, and I nod, reluctant to go over myself. She walks over, hands on her hips, and I know she’s gonna give them hell. But then I start to doubt that when I see them laughing and joking with her, before she comes back over, my expectant gaze being met by her sheepish one. ‘Well?’ I ask, and she winces. ‘They said they don’t take orders from me – only from… the Cheer Captain,’ she says slowly, and I let out a noise of irritation. Jimin being an annoying, difficult, stupid dickhead, I can understand. The others? I thought they were my friends. But obviously they find this whole situation more amusing than anything. It’s not funny for me – I slept with the guy I’m supposed to hate the most! The guy that I do hate the most.

‘I really don’t want to go over there,’ I admit, and Jennie’s eyes soften with sympathy. ‘You don’t have to, y/n, don’t feel pressured. We can cope with their noise – it’s fine, babe,’ she says reassuringly, but I feel guilty. I remember how nervous I was at try-outs, and having a group of rowdy frat boys laughing and shouting every few seconds definitely wouldn’t have helped. It’s up to me as Captain to create a comfortable environment, and with them around, this isn’t comfortable at all. I sigh, shaking my head, before I say, ‘I’ll go.’ ‘Are you sure?’ she asks, and I nod, dread building up inside me. ‘Want me to come with?’ ‘No, you just stay and keep an eye on things.’

I begin walking over, eyes fixed on the ground, and I can literally feel their eyes on me, their anticipation practically palpable. Everyone sat around the pitch is whispering, watching, desperate to see Jimin and I interact after all the rumours of the last week, and I can feel it all, making my nerves build up with every step. When I’m a few feet away from the bleachers, I look up, my eyes instantly meeting his, and I stop, staring at them for a moment. He’s endlessly amused, the smirk on his lips unbearably irritating. ‘Hey, y/n,’ he says easily, a ripple of laughter running around the group, and I don’t reply, matching his light gaze with a hard stare of my own. ‘This isn’t funny, guys, and I would’ve thought you’d know better. How do you think they’re gonna feel when they’re doing their routines and you morons are laughing? None of you can do what they’re doing, not in a million years, so don’t you dare come and sit here to rub my personal life in my face without even thinking of how rude and disruptive you’re being. You should be ashamed,’ I say neutrally, not letting any emotion into my voice, because if I do, I’ll lose my temper completely like I did last week and end up screaming at them. The other boys have the courtesy to look embarrassed of themselves, but Jimin just continues to smirk at me, running his thumb over his plump lips. My insides churn with anger at him being such a dick, but I don’t say a thing, waiting for one of them to reply. ‘Sorry, y/n. We didn’t think,’ Jin says, apologetic, and the others mutter apologies too, all except Jimin. ‘Don’t apologise. Just shut up,’ I reply before turning on my heel, walking away and ignoring the indiscernible whispers and stifled laughter.

‘Whatever you said, it definitely worked,’ Jennie says, and I nod curtly, still pissed off. ‘You okay?’ she asks, and my shoulders slump. ‘No. I’m supposed to be the Captain, I’m supposed to be nice and smiley and kind, and now I’m just angry, because of them, because of him,’ I sigh tiredly, and Jen looks at me sadly before putting an arm around my shoulders. ‘Don’t let them get you worked up, babe – today’s important, okay? Just focus on the try-outs,’ Jennie says, and I nod, trying my best to let my annoyance go, but it’s easier said than done. I wait impatiently for the first part of today to be done, desperate to have something to do so I can distract myself. And as soon as the last person has finished speaking to Jisoo, I call for everyone’s attention, telling them to start warming up. I sit down with Irene, Jisoo, Jihyo and Chen, and we quickly put people in similar-ability groups, based on the notes that the four of them have made whilst speaking to them; potential flyers, bases and spotters, and tumblers. The routines aren’t too different – just to test their dancing ability, and to see if they have the kind of body control needed for their different positions.

Once we’ve grouped them, Irene reads out the groups, the flyers with Lisa and Seulgi, bases and spotters with Kai, and tumblers with Momo, the rest of the squad supporting. I take a seat at the desk, making notes on people who catch my eye (they’re all wearing little name stickers, so I send Jennie over to find out their names). Jiwon, the pretty sophomore from last week, is really good – her dancing is great, and she’s light on her feet, the perfect flyer. I’m already certain she’ll make the team, because she’s super smiley and energetic too (I wave at her when I catch her eye, and she waves back excitedly, huge smile on her face). Watching them all learning the dances, making notes, evaluating them, it gets me in the zone. Focusing on this, I’m in my Captain mindset, having completely forgotten about the stupid disruption earlier. There’s definitely some potential here, and I have no doubt we’ll do really well at Nationals this year – I’ll be pissed if we don’t come first (and I’ll also be the first Captain in ten years that doesn’t lead us to victory, which is a pretty big deal).

Once they’ve learnt their dances, we split each group in half so there are less people to focus on, and they perform the dances to us. They’re all quite good – there’s a couple people who, bless them, will definitely not make the team, and I feel bad, but I have to be ruthless. It’s my job to make sure I give us the best chance at winning. We give them a little break after they’ve performed, and we all sit together to compare notes. We’ve pretty much all put the same people down, but we can’t make any final decisions until we watch them do their Cheer moves. ‘Okay, is everybody ready?’ I ask after getting their attention. ‘We’re going to have a look at your moves now. So they’re pretty basic, nothing too strenuous. Can someone show them what they’ve got to do?’ I say, turning to face the squad, and before anyone can speak, Kai says, ‘y/n, you should. You’re the captain after all.’ I return his mischievous grin with a hard stare, but the others all give various agreements, pushing me to show them. ‘I haven’t even warmed up,’ I mutter, everyone laughing.

‘Okay, we’ll start with a basic standing split. So, you just lift your leg, whichever your better leg is, and bring it right up like this, with your arm in front of it, and hold it there for a few seconds,’ I say, my left leg up against my body, my right arm holding my foot above my head. It’s a little painful because I haven’t warmed up, but I’ve done this move enough times that it’s pretty easy. I hear applause a little distance away, knowing it’s those stupid boys, and then everyone trying out starts clapping too, making me drop my leg and laugh embarrassedly. ‘Okay, thanks, guys, you can stop now,’ I say lightly, and everyone starts laughing. I show them all of the other moves – a full split, a pike jump, a toe touch jump, a hurdler jump, a front flip, a back flip and an aerial, getting applause for each movement, triggered by our idiot spectators. ‘So we’ll call you up one-by-one, unless you’ve asked us to go with someone else, and we’d like you to a show us a clasp, a high V, a T motion, and then go into the moves that you’re confident with. Show us your personality – we want bright and bubbly people on the squad, so don’t be afraid to chant or whatever, if you want to,’ I say as I take my seat behind the desk, Irene, Chen, Jihyo, Jisoo and Jennie sat with me, the rest of the squad sat around on the grass, enjoying the warmth and just watching the proceedings.

After a couple of people, it starts to get repetitive, but I remain focused, knowing I need to pay attention to differentiate between the good and the great. Jiwon is fantastic – she’s making the team without a doubt. Once they’re all done (nearly two hours later), I call them all over to sit beside the desk. ‘Thank you all so much for coming, and well done. What you did takes a lot of courage and you should all be so proud of yourselves, whether you make the squad or not. We’ve got your details from earlier, so we’ll be in contact within the next couple days to let you know if you made it. Thank you, and you are free to go,’ I smile, all of them letting out expressions of gratitude as they get up, heading to the bleachers to get their stuff and go. ‘Jiwon!’ I call, the girl turning to look. ‘Can I have a word?’ I say, the girl telling her friends to wait for her as she walks towards me. I head over to her, and we meet in the middle of the pitch, with no-one around. I don’t want anyone to hear and accuse me of favouritism.

‘Hey, y/n.’ ‘Hi, Jiwon. You did a really good job, definitely shone through. You’re fantastic,’ I say, and she smiles shyly. ‘Thank you. I have been cheering for a long time, though, so I did have an advantage,’ she says humbly, and I wave it off. ‘Don’t give me excuses – just accept the compliment. Anyway, I probably shouldn’t say this, but you caught a lot of our eyes, Jiwon. I’m pretty certain you’ll make the squad. First practice is next Saturday, 2 ‘til 4, and we’re just gonna do an introductory session, get to know one another and have a proper look at what everyone can do. Make sure you’re on time, and ready to try out some stunts. And work on your pike jump over the week – your fingers were literally millimetres away from your toes. A little practice, and you’ll have it perfect. And you were the teeniest bit wobbly in your standing split, so just work on your balance a little,’ I say, and she nods enthusiastically, taking in every word. Whilst I’m speaking, I notice Jimin approaching us, and Jiwon does too, looking flustered when she spots him. But she sees the way I ignore him completely, and does the same, just listening to me.

‘Thank you, y/n, I really appreciate it. Also, can I ask for your advice about something?’ she asks, and I nod, surprised she wants my advice. Jimin is now stood right beside us, but neither of us pay attention to his presence, keeping our eyes on each other. ‘What do you do to warm up for your splits? I warm up, but it’s always painful when I do them, and you did them really well, so I thought I’d ask.’ ‘I do a lot of yoga, actually, which really helps. We always get here around twenty minutes before practice, and the others do laps and things like that to warm up, but I do a bit of yoga, which helps loosen my body a lot. And then, just before I start a routine, I bend in half, and hold my head against my shins for like half a minute, to loosen my legs. It’s a little painful, but it gets your legs ready for the stretch that you feel when you’re in the splits,’ I say, and she listens eagerly to every word. His presence is starting to bother me, especially the way he’s completely silent, a stupid smirk on his face. ‘Thank you, y/n. I’m gonna head off now, but thanks for the advice. Are you going to KPN’s party tonight?’ she asks, and I sigh, thinking back to the text invite that Jackson from Kappa Phi Nu sent out a couple days ago. ‘I’m not sure. I was gonna just head to the gym for a late-night workout but Jennie’s trying to convince me to go,’ I explain, and she nods. ‘Well, I hope you do come. It’d be nice to see you there,’ she says, and I smile at her, touched. And then I lose my patience, turning to him with annoyance, and he grins, draping his arms around our waists.

‘My two favourite girls,’ he says with a grin, making me want to slap him, and we both push his arms off us in disgust, moving away from him slightly. ‘Look at you two. Best friends now, huh? If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even know each other, so I think a ‘thank you’ is in order,’ he says smugly, my eyes widening at him as Jiwon shoots him a dirty look. God, I love this girl. ‘Fuck you, Park,’ I say without thinking, and his eyes sparkle, mischief in his grin as he replies, ‘I already did, babe, keep up.’ And then he reaches into his back pocket, pulling his hand back out with something black and lacy hanging off his finger. My favourite bra. ‘Remember? You left this?’ ‘Park!’ I hiss, grabbing it from his hand and panicking for a moment, not sure where to put it (my cheer kit doesn’t have pockets) before I tuck it into his front pocket hastily. It’s too late, though, because everyone in the area who was watching saw it, laughter rippling around us. ‘I would’ve brought your pants too, but they were ripped, so I figured there was no point,’ he says, and I give him an angry stare, jaw hurting from how hard I’m clenching it. He just grins back, Jiwon looking between us for a few seconds before she says, ‘my friends are waiting for me, y/n, so I’m gonna go. I hope to see you later.’ ‘Okay, Jiwon. See you. Remember to work on your pike jump, and your standing splits. If you get here early, we can do some yoga together,’ I say, trying to push down the humiliation as the girl nods with a smile before she goes to join her friends who are watching us. Everyone’s watching us.

‘Your standing splits were good,’ he says, and I sigh, rolling my eyes. ‘I’m literally giving you a compliment!’ ‘I don’t care, you fucking dick.’ ‘Wow, never mind. I was gonna say that I could put your flexibility to good use, but forget it,’ he says, failing to hold back his grin, and I narrow my eyes at him. ‘Why the fuck did you come, Park? I thought I made it clear last week that I’m not interested in you,’ I say harshly, hurt momentarily appearing on his face before he masks it with a smirk, making me feel a little guilty. ‘We always come to watch try-outs. Entertainment for a couple hours. And it doesn’t hurt seeing you in this kit either,’ he says, taking the hem of my skirt into his hand, fingers momentarily skimming against my thigh, and I slap his hand away, feeling exposed in my kit all of a sudden. It’s quite revealing – a short blue skirt with a white border and a long-sleeved blue cropped top with shoulder cut-outs, with our school name written across the chest in white. It’s super cute though, even more so with the white pumps and frilly white ankle socks, and the blue and white bows on our ponytails. The boys wear the same colour scheme, blue and white t-shirts and shorts.

‘I swear to God, Park, I’m not in the mood for your bullshit today,’ I say tiredly, and he pouts, eyes still sparkling with amusement. ‘You were last week.’ ‘Things change. You can go now,’ I say pointedly, and he grins, taking a step closer to me, so close I can see every flaw on his face that he doesn’t have, and places a gentle hand on my waist. ‘I’ll go, but one last thing. I’ve gotta go drop my shit off in the changing rooms – Coach said we all have to, ready for next week – and I’ll wait in there for… hmm, shall I be nice? Okay, ten minutes. If I know you as well as I think I do, you’ve been thinking about me, and what happened last Saturday, all week long. I have. And I want a round two. I’ll wait for ten minutes,’ he says, voice low and face serious, before his whole demeanour changes, smile stretching his lips, hand falling from my waist as he takes a step back. My lips are parted and face warm, eyes locked with his, and my obviously affected appearance makes him let out a chuckle. ‘Ten minutes, angel. If not, I’ll see you tonight, at KPN, and you can get your bra from me there instead,’ he says with a smile, before turning and walking away, leaving me slightly stunned.

‘Close your mouth, babe, you’ll catch flies,’ Jennie says drily, and I turn to look at her, trying to compose myself. ‘He just asked me for a round two in the changing rooms,’ I whisper, and she gasps loudly, catching the attention of everyone around us. ‘Shut up!’ I hiss, and she claps a hand over her mouth. ‘Sorry, sorry. I’m just… shook. Are you gonna go?’ she asks, and I hesitate to answer, his dark eyes in my mind, my underwear embarrassingly damp. ‘I don’t know.’ ‘Bitch, stop kidding yourself – you want to, so just go,’ she says, but before I can reply, Kai joins us. ‘Um, y/n, there are a couple people waiting to ask you some questions,’ he says, and I sigh, looking over his shoulder to see some people hovering. I quickly rush over to them, listening to their questions (which are so unnecessary, might I add? Why do you need to know where to get the uniform from, or the date of Nationals this year, if you’re not even on the squad yet?) and answer them as quickly as I can, trying to be polite, but impatient, worried that my ten minutes will run out.

As soon as the last person’s done, Jennie grabs my arm and whispers, ‘it’s been nine minutes. I’ll pack stuff up, you just go.’ ‘Thank you, you’re the best,’ I whisper back. I rush off, speed walking across the pitch before someone can stop me, in the direction of the changing rooms. When I reach the door, I push it open slowly, listening out for any voices. And then I wonder – is this a prank? Is this payback for me leaving him last week? Are they all gonna be waiting there to jump out and laugh at me? But, no. He wouldn’t. Surely, he wouldn’t stoop that low? ‘Jimin?’ I whisper, hearing nothing back, and I venture in. ‘Jimin?’ I say a little louder, walking down the main aisle slowly, looking between the rows of lockers on either side of me. I call his name again, and when I reach the end of the lockers, stepping out into the open changing area, a wooden bench running around the walls, I feel a pair of hands push me up against the last locker, the metal clang echoing loudly around the room as I try to get my bearings, blinking to see Jimin stood in front of me, his body pressed up against mine.

‘You took eleven minutes, you fucking tease,’ he whispers, hand appearing at my throat and tightening instantly, my mind momentarily thinking back to last week, when he left bruises the shape of his rings around my neck. ‘Didn’t mean to. Got held up,’ I breathe out, and he pushes my head back at an unnatural angle, his dark eyes, blown wide with desire, locking with my own. ‘How can I believe you, after you left last week?’ he spits out, and I feel my stomach turn; I didn’t think he’d be that bothered, but it’s obvious he’s angry that I left him. ‘Never said I’d stay,’ I reply, with a small grin, and he growls angrily, pushing up against me even harder. ‘You’re the first girl that’s ever left without me telling her to. Trying to play me at my own game?’ he asks, amusement creeping into his voice, but he’s mainly angry, veins corded tight and body tense, fist curled and jaw clenched. ‘No. I just don’t like you,’ I reply, voice strained because of his hand tight at my neck, head beginning to go dizzy, and he lets out a humourless laugh.

‘Sure. Of course you don’t. Let’s see how much you don’t like me,’ he says, free hand pushing one of my legs out wider, so he has space to put his hand up my skirt. His finger slides beneath my tight safety shorts, and he lets out a laugh when he feels how wet my underwear is, making me look away from him in embarrassment. ‘Look at me,’ he demands, my eyes flitting back to his as he pushes my pants out of the way, swiping a finger along my dripping wet slit. I let out a shaky breath, and he chuckles. ‘I think you’re lying to me, angel. I think you actually do like me. A lot,’ he grins as he pulls his hand from my skirt, lifting his finger, glistening with my arousal, to my mouth. I keep my lips pressed shut, and he raises an eyebrow. ‘Don’t make me punish you. This isn’t a repeat of last week – there’s other things I want to do to you,’ he says lowly, a thrill running through me, but I’m still as stubborn as last week. ‘I’m not here for a round two. I’m here for my bra,’ I exhale, and he rolls his eyes with a little laugh, his hand tightening at my neck. ‘You can earn it.’ ‘What is it… with you stealing my… things?’ ‘I didn’t steal anything. You left your bra when you did your little walk of shame. So it’s mine now – it’s been in my room for a week, with your tight jeans and your pretty top and those cute heels, and that little bag, with your keys and lip-gloss and pads in it. And because it’s all mine, I want you to earn it back,’ he replies before leaning down and pressing his lips to my ear, his beautiful scent flooding my senses.

‘Let me fuck your tits,’ he whispers, making my stomach clench with the thought of it, before he pulls back from me, searching my face for any kind of reaction. ‘And they say romance is dead,’ I whisper dryly, and he laughs, a startled laugh, as though he wasn’t expecting a joke from me. It makes my heart flutter a little, which then makes me want to slap myself. ‘Is that a yes?’ he asks with a mischievous grin. ‘No. It isn’t,’ I reply, and he sighs before letting go of me. ‘Fine. Let’s just talk then, if you don’t wanna fuck,’ he says neutrally, sitting down on the bench opposite me, and I’m disarmed at his sudden 180. ‘Sit down, y/n,’ he says, motioning to the bench and, for once, I listen to him, sitting down. He leans back against the wall and runs a hand through his hair, legs spread, thick thighs on display. Last week, the lighting from his bedroom lamp was low and sultry, but the lighting in here is bright and cold, and he still looks fucking gorgeous.

‘Who did you tell?’ he asks, and I know he’s asking what I’ve been wondering all week – who actually knows the full story. ‘Who did you tell?’ I ask, purposely being difficult, and he rolls his eyes, grin pulling at his lips. ‘Hobi and Tae are the only ones that know the full story. Jin, Yoongi, Joon and Kook know vaguely. Now tell me who you told,’ he says, and I’m surprised he’s kept it only to his closest friends – I thought for sure the whole frat would know. ‘y/n. Who did you tell?’ Nayeon, Lisa, Mina, Irene, Dahyun, Yeri, Jeongyeon, Seulgi, Sana, Jisoo, Chaeyoung, Joy, Momo, Wendy, Jihyo, Tzuyu and- ‘Jennie.’ ‘That’s it? Just Jennie?’ ‘And.. a couple of the other girls.’ He raises an eyebrow, obviously not believing me. ‘Did you tell them everything?’ ‘Only Jennie knows about me leaving when you… wanted me not to,’ I say, and he nods, looking a little embarrassed, and I feel so guilty, but I had to. ‘Why did you do it?’ he asks quietly, and I take a deep breath, closing my eyes for a moment. ‘Because… we’re supposed to hate each other, and we had sex, Jimin. I couldn’t share a bed with you after that, I just… couldn’t.’ ‘Would it really be so bad if we didn’t hate each other?’ he asks, and I sigh, not wanting him to ask these questions, not wanting him to entertain this possibility. Because Jimin’s the type of boy to want what he can’t have, and as soon as I let him have me, more than just physically, he won’t want me anymore.

I get up and walk over to him, his eyes on me, and when I’m stood right in front of him, in between his legs, I drop to my knees. ‘y/n,’ he says slowly, as though he wants me to wait, but I can’t talk about this right now. ‘Shut up,’ I say before pulling my top over my head and throwing it behind me, leaving me in my bra. He’s quickly distracted, eyes lost in my chest, and I can see the bulge in his jeans growing already. I lift a hand to his crotch, palming him over his jeans, and his head falls back, a little moan falling from his lips. ‘Please, y/n, don’t tease,’ he breathes out, and I clench involuntarily at getting him like this. ‘Take your jeans off,’ I whisper, and he quickly unbuttons and unzips them, holding himself up from the bench and pushing them down with his underwear, just enough to free his cock. He’s only half-hard, but he’s already big, girthy and long, making me lick my lips at the sight of him. He tugs on his length a couple times to get himself fully hard, letting out little grunts, and I feel more arousal dampen my underwear. After a few seconds, I push his hands away, taking his length into my hands, and he shuffles forwards on the bench, giving me proper access to his cock.

I collect my saliva up on my tongue and spit at his dick, the saliva landing on his tip and slowly dripping down his length. I use my hand to spread it out before I take his swollen head into my mouth, kitten licking the tip before swirling my tongue around him. He pulls my bow out of my hair and grabs my ponytail, but restrains himself from trying to control my movements, letting me take my time with him. I don’t wait long before I’m taking him as far into my mouth as possible, before slowly bobbing my head up and down his length. ‘God, angel, your mouth is so fucking good. So good for me, such a dirty girl,’ he praises, head back against the wall but eyes on me, and when I look up at him through my lashes, he grins down at me. I hollow out my cheeks, trying to get my lips around the base of his cock, but my jaw is already hurting from my mouth being around his thick length. ‘Get me all the way in, baby, I know you can,’ he prompts, and I try my hardest, gagging around him, and it’s so fucking messy, saliva around my mouth and dripping down my chin. He decided to help, pushing my head even further down, and when my nose hits his skin, his abdomen contracts, a heavenly moan of my name falling from his lips.

Once I deem his cock sufficiently wet, I remove him from my mouth and reach behind me to unclasp my sports bra, pulling it off, feeling satisfied when his eyes are locked on my breasts. ‘Stand up,’ I say, and he does so, quickly, moving aside to let me sit on the bench. I perch on the edge, knees together, and Jimin stands in front of me, one leg on either side of mine. ‘Push your tits together for me, angel,’ he says, and I do so, the boy moving even closer to me. I feel his head against the bottom of my breasts, wet and hard, before slowly pushing up, breath catching in his throat as he goes as far as he can, his pink tip emerging through my cleavage. ‘Fuck, that feels good. Hold them tighter, babe,’ he says, and it starts to hurt when I do so, but the pleasure on his face as he thrusts, fucking my tits aggressively, more than makes up for it. I spit down into the valley of my breasts, for better lubrication, and he lets out a moan, thrusting even harder. And then he lifts a hand, landing a slap on one of my breasts. ‘Um, ow,’ I say, and he lets out a little chuckle, his thrusting not faltering for a moment. ‘So soft. Best tits I’ve ever seen,’ he says, landing a slap on the other, and I stop myself from slapping his balls because I don’t want to kill his vibe. And he’d probably enjoy it, the kinky bastard. I look down to see precum leaking from his tip, and I lean down, meeting one of his thrusts with my tongue, licking his precum, and he lets out a moan. ‘God, yes, baby. So good for me,’ he grunts, before his thrusts start to slow, until he eventually moves away from me.

‘Love your tits, angel, but I wanna cum in you instead,’ he says, grabbing my hand and pulling me up from the bench. ‘Put your clothes back on,’ he says, my eyes widening in confusion. ‘What? Why?’ ‘Because I’ve always wanted to fuck you while you’re wearing your cheer kit. Hurry up and put it on before I decide to leave,’ he says pointedly, and I feel guilt surge through me as I grab my bra from the floor, pulling it back on, and turning around for him to clasp it for me. He does so, taking ages (it seems he’s better at taking bras off than putting them on), and then I pull my top back over my head. As soon as I’m redressed, he pushes me up against the nearest locker, winding me, before his hand strays down to beneath my skirt. ‘You gonna take these booty shorts off before I rip them off you?’ he says, plump lips against my neck, and I push him off, quickly pulling off my safety shorts (these are the only pair I have at the moment – I ordered a pair online and they’re due in a couple weeks – so I really don’t need him ripping them). ‘They’re safety shorts, not booty shorts,’ I mutter, as I kick them off, and he doesn’t waste any time in pushing me up against the lockers again. He presses his lips to mine in a tame kiss (he doesn’t even use his tongue), mouths moving together for a few seconds before he pulls away, sinking to his knees.

‘You’ve been on your knees for me twice now, baby, so I think it’s time I repaid the favour. And I believe I promised to eat your pussy with my… pretty lips,’ he says, quoting my words from last week, and my stomach turns as he grabs the front of my underwear. He violently pulls at them, tearing them away from my body, and I refrain from kneeing him in the face for ruining a second pair of pants. He pushes my legs apart before pulling one over his shoulder, his face inches from where I need him. ‘Jimin… please,’ I whine, and he chuckles, expelling warm air across my dripping wet core, making me shudder. ‘See, baby, you’re being so good for me today, saying my name, and begging like a good girl. And good girls don’t get punished, don’t get spanked until their ass is raw. Good girls get rewarded,’ he says before his head disappears beneath my skirt and I feel him lick a slow bold stripe across my slit, my hips jerking at the feeling, pushing my core closer to his face. He swirls his tongue around my clit, and I let out a whimper of his name, making him chuckle as he grabs onto my waist to hold me in place. ‘So fucking sweet, angel. Best pussy I’ve ever tasted. Could eat you all day.’ He laps at me like there’s no tomorrow, my hands gripping onto his strong shoulders and head thrown back against the lockers. He brings his fingers to my clit, rubbing slow circles, at the stimulation at my bundle of nerves paired with his long, quick licks have me moaning out his name, my stomach already tightening with the threat of an orgasm.

And then he pushes a finger between my folds, pumping in and out of me as I clench around him. ‘Gotta stretch you out for my fat cock, baby, take it like a good girl. Stop clenching, babe,’ he murmurs soothingly against my inner thigh, his thick finger quickly being joined by another. ‘Ah, Jimin, feels so fucking good,’ I moan out, and he hums in response before attaching his lips to my clit, sucking at the bundle of nerves before adding another finger, three thick digits stretching me out. ‘Such a good little slut for me, angel. You take my fingers so fucking well,’ he says, lips still against my clit, and I feel my high nearing quickly, moans and whimpers escaping from my lips every few seconds. He’s so good with his mouth, his plump lips wrapping around my clit and sucking harshly, before he licks along my folds, fingers still pumping into me, curling against my spongy spot every few seconds, bringing me closer and closer to the edge. And he knows it, the pace of his fingers ever increasing, his lips and tongue attacking my core with passion.

And then we hear the door of the changing room open, followed by a group of loud male voices, laughing and joking. Before I can even register it, Jimin’s on his feet, scooping me into his arms and practically sprinting into the shower area, rushing into one of the cubicles. He puts me down carefully, a hand over my mouth, and I feel my orgasm fading away because of the fear of being caught by his teammates. And in my mind, the logical thing to do is to be silent and wait for them to leave, right? But Jimin isn’t logical, and he pushes me up against the brick wall, pumping his cock in his free hand. He removes his hand from my mouth, tapping my left leg before tapping his shoulder, and I get the message, putting my leg up over his shoulder, despite thinking that this is a terrible idea. And then he puts his hand back over my mouth before slowly sliding into me, his huge cock stretching me out painfully, filling me up completely, and it takes every ounce of my self-control not to moan out his name, my head falling back against the wall with a dull thud. ‘What was that?’ I hear one of the boys say, the others asking what he’s talking about, and I feel panic fill me. But along with the panic is arousal at the idea of being caught, my pussy gushing around him, and he smirks, slowly thrusting into me, the curve of his dick allowing him to hit my g-spot (I’m certain Megan wrote Captain Hook about him).

I hear footsteps nearing us, before they stop abruptly. ‘Oh, my God,’ I hear a voice say quietly, before more footsteps can be heard. ‘What?’ ‘Look.’ ‘Whoa. Is that…?’ ‘Yes. One of the cheerleader’s bows.’ Panic strikes through me, and Jimin just grins, continuing to fuck me slowly, making me feel every inch of him. ‘And those are the shorts they wear, right?’ ‘Yeah.’ ‘And are those… pants?’ ‘Yep. And they look ripped.’ ‘Is someone fucking in here?’ ‘No, we’d be able to hear them. They’re probably gone.’ ‘You think?’ ‘Yes. And I don’t wanna double check. Let’s just go.’ I feel my fear ebbing away as the footsteps get quieter before the door opens and closes. We’re both silent for a few moments, just to make sure they’re gone, before Jimin pulls all the way out of me, slamming back in. I let out a loud moan against his hand, which he moves to rest at the base of my throat, cock hammering into me ruthlessly. ‘Look how wet you are for me, baby. My little bitch likes the idea of getting caught with a fat cock inside her, huh? Does the idea of being walked in on turn you on, babe?’ he asks, and all I can do is nod, moans falling from my lips every few seconds as he slams into me, the drag of his cock against my walls making me weak.

‘Taking me so well, angel, letting me fill you up and stretch you out so good, baby,’ he praises, voice strained with effort, as he pounds into me, my mind completely blank of anything, of everything but him. I feel my orgasm nearing, my walls clenching around him, but that doesn’t stop him plunging into me, hard, his balls slapping up against my ass, one hand gripping onto his shoulder whilst the other is splayed against the cold wall. My leg is beginning to hurt being up against his shoulder, especially because all my body weight is resting on the toes of my other foot (I can’t get my whole foot on the floor), but he seems to be enjoying it, able to go deep into me at this angle, his tip hitting my cervix. ‘Look how flexible you are, baby, stretching for me like a good little whore. Gonna put your flexibility to good use all the time, babe – I’ll help keep you in shape for Cheer,’ he promises, fingers straying to my clit as he speaks. And then I feel him twitching inside me. ‘Are you close?’ I ask, and he nods, eyes fluttering shut, and I reach down to cup his balls, trying to push him over the edge. ‘Ah, fuck, feels good, y/n, your pussy’s so fucking good. Gonna cum, gonna fill you up like a good little slut,’ he breathes out, and I tighten around him, his head falling back as he lets out a loud moan of my name, hot cum shooting out of his cock, painting my walls. He continues thrusting, hips stuttering as he works himself through his orgasm, and I stay clenched around him to prolong his high.

Once he’s done, he pulls out, and puts me down carefully, taking a moment to get his breath back before tucking his softening cock into his underwear, zipping himself back up. He looks up at me with a grin, his hair messy, face still glistening with my arousal, eyes dark. ‘Good talk,’ he grins before turning and walking away. ‘Um, Jimin?’ I call after him, stepping out of the cubicle with shaky legs. ‘Yes, y/n?’ he asks, turning to look at me, eyes sparkling with mirth. ‘I didn’t…’ I trail off, unsure of what to say. ‘What? You didn’t cum?’ he asks, and I nod, my stomach twisting with hurt when he smirks and says, ‘I know, angel. Only good girls get to cum. And good girls don’t leave in the middle of the night after being asked to stay.’ My mouth drops open at the thought that he’s not going to make me cum, and he grins even wider, before taking a little pity on me. ‘I’ll tell you what, baby. Come to KPN tonight and come find me, and I’ll make you cum as many times as you want,’ he says, but I’m still furious. ‘You’re not being serious?’ ‘Deadly.’ ‘Jimin, please,’ I say, and he just grins back at me. ‘You might wanna clean yourself up. Got my cum dripping down your leg,’ he says, and I look down to see his thick white release slowly trailing down my skin. I curse under my breath, and when I look back up, Jimin’s already out of sight, whistling a merry tune, before I hear the changing room door open and close behind him. And when I slowly walk towards the lockers, I realise my bow, safety shorts and ripped pants are gone too. And he still hasn’t given me back my favourite bra.

I head over to the sinks to clean myself up, cursing at him the entire time. ‘Fucking bastard, and his stupidly big fat fucking cock, stealing all my stuff and leaving me high and dry with his fucking cum dripping down my fucking leg. Didn’t even give me any fucking aftercare, fucking dick,’ I rant angrily as I take my hair out of its messy ponytail, running my fingers through it. Luckily, I haven’t sweated off any of my makeup, the fading marks from last week fully covered, but it’s still clear I’ve just been fucked. And the fact that I don’t have anything on under my skirt isn’t helpful at all – thank God it isn’t windy today because otherwise, I’ll be flashing everyone. Once I’ve deemed myself okay to leave, I push open the changing room doors, looking side to side to make sure no one’s around before I slip out of the door, quickly making my way to mine and Jennie’s accommodation, trying to ignore how desperate I am for a release right now. And not just any release – one on Jimin’s cock. But that’ll have to wait for later – I’ve got a party to get ready for.

‘Jennie! y/n!’ Yeri exclaims when we walk into the kitchen through the back door, throwing her arms around us in a hug. ‘Hey, Yeri,’ we reply, hugging her back, and when she moves away, her eyes widen. ‘Jen, you look good, but y/n! You look good, girl!’ she exclaims. ‘Oh, thanks, Yeri,’ Jennie says sarcastically, but she doesn’t mean it – Jennie always opts for comfort over fashion at frat parties, usually wearing mom jeans, or a loose t-shirt dress (which she rocks by the way – no one pulls off the casual aesthetic like Jennie). And I never dress up too much, sticking to a simple outfit and dressing it up with heels and jewellery. But today, I decided to go all out, dressing to impress in a tight little black dress, hem around my upper thighs, ruched with a bardot neck (I had to forgo a bra, and used tit tape instead to make sure they don’t sag). I’m in a pair of black sparkly heels, much higher than last week’s, with a silver choker, silver hoops and a thin silver bracelet. Jennie has on a shoulder bag, big enough to fit my things in it, so I didn’t bother with a bag, my phone in my hand and my lipgloss, oil blotting sheets and keys in Jennie’s bag. ‘Thanks, Yeri. But look at you! This top is so cute!’

We greet all our friends, Jeongyeon pushing cups into mine and Jennie’s hands (I’m not sure what it is but it tastes nice), before I take a seat between Tzuyu and Lisa at the kitchen island, instantly getting into a conversation about Cheer. KPN parties are always really laidback – people wear whatever they want, drink whatever they want, and I never feel uncomfortable here, or pressured to act a certain way. I can just be myself, and enjoy the night with my friends. ASP’s the opposite in the sense that there’s always pressure – to look good, to end the night with someone, to give everyone something to gossip about.

‘y/n! You came!’ Jackson exclaims when he sees me, pulling me into an expensive smelling hug. ‘Hey, Jackson!’ ‘I was about to make a comment about how late you are, but you look really good, so I’ll let you off,’ he grins, and I roll my eyes. ‘Since when do you have to arrive to parties at a certain time?’ ‘You wouldn’t know, y/n, you’re always fashionably late,’ Tzuyu teases, and I cover my face with embarrassment – never have I arrived at a party before my friends (there’s just something about being there before the party has properly started that makes me want to cringe). ‘Anyway, what are you ladies drinking?’ ‘Diet Coke,’ Tzuyu says as she holds her cup up, Lisa drinking the same. ‘I’m drinking whatever the hell this is – Jeongyeon gave it to me,’ I say, and Jackson takes the cup, sipping from it, before his eyes widen. ‘Yo, this shit slaps. Where’s Jeongyeon? I want some,’ he says, turning away in search of her, and I call after him, ‘get me some more too, please!’

‘So… y/n,’ Lisa says with a knowing grin, making me raise an eyebrow at her. ‘Yes?’ I ask, she and Tzuyu exchanging an amused glance. ‘This dress is nice,’ Tzuyu says with the same knowing look as Lisa, and I look between them suspiciously. ‘Thanks,’ I say slowly, their smiles widening even more. ‘Who are you dressing to impress?’ Lisa asks, and I realise where this conversation is going, letting out a laugh. ‘Ah, you two. Can a girl not dress for herself?’ I grin, both of them raising their eyebrows. ‘Of course. But the timing’s a little suspicious. Not hoping for a round two, are we?’ Tzuyu asks, and I bite my lip embarrassedly. ‘What if we already had round two?’ I say quietly, both of their mouths falling open. ‘What?’ Lisa exclaims, drawing the attention of those around us, and I shut my eyes despairingly. ‘Keep your voice down, stupid!’ Tzuyu exclaims, Lisa murmuring an apology, still looking at me with wide eyes. ‘When?’ ‘Earlier, after practice. I met him in their changing rooms,’ I say, both of them looking even more shocked with each word. ‘Oh, my God! You two are, like, stuck in your own little forbidden and scandalous romance!’ Lisa whispers, and I shoot her a hard look. ‘It’s not a romance. He’s still, like, the most annoying and stupid person I’ve ever met. I mean, he literally left without making me cum, on purpose. He said if I showed up here tonight, he’d make it up to me,’ I whisper, both of them gasping quietly. ‘No way!’ Tzuyu says, and I nod. ‘So you’re gonna have a round three?’ Lisa asks, and I shrug. ‘I’m actually not sure. I don’t know whether I came so that I could leave with him, or so that I could piss him off by getting with someone else,’ I say, both of their eyes lighting up. ‘Get with someone else,’ they chorus, and I let out a gentle laugh.

Before I can reply, Jackson reappears with two cups in hand. ‘It’s Fireball Whisky with cream soda,’ he says, and I blink in surprise, not sure whether to be impressed or disgusted at Jeongyeon’s weird concoction. He takes the empty cup from my hand and hands me a new one, and I thank him as I take a sip. It really is good, and I know I need to be careful not to drink too much – I’ll forget just how strong whisky is and then find myself hunched over the toilet in a few hours, vomiting it all back up. ‘Are you guys gonna just sit here and chat all night? This is a party! We’re supposed to be having a good time,’ Jackson says, and I exchange a glance with the girls. ‘We are having a good time,’ Tzuyu replies mildly, and Jackson rolls his eyes. ‘So you’re not gonna come dance?’ he asks, and we all shake our heads. As much as I do love getting lit, it’s nice to just have a gossip with the girls sometimes. ‘Maybe later,’ I say, and he frowns, shaking his head. ‘You guys are boring.’ ‘Go find Joy, she’ll dance with you,’ Tzuyu suggests, and Lisa nods before adding, ‘and Dahyun. Come find us in a couple hours, and then we’ll dance with you too.’

Jackson quickly disappears, calling out for Joy and Dahyun, and the spot where he was stood is quickly occupied by a boy who I recognise as Chan, one of the boys on the team and a KPN brother. ‘Hi, Chan,’ Tzuyu says, the boy giving us a smile. ‘Hi, guys. You’re all cheerleaders, right?’ he asks, and we nod, confused as to where he’s going with this. ‘Do you wear these, like… little black shorts under your cheer outfits? Like super small, tight, black shorts?’ he asks, and I realise, dread flooding through me as we all nod. ‘They’re called safety shorts,’ Lisa says, and Chan nods. ‘I thought so. We saw a pair earlier, in the changing rooms, with one of the bows you guys wear, and some… underwear. Ripped. So I was just… curious, I guess,’ he says, Tzuyu and Lisa both turning their gazes to me. ‘Um… Chan, I’d be really grateful if you didn’t mention that to anyone,’ I say embarrassedly, the girls stifling laughs as Chan’s face falls with shock. ‘Oh! They were yours?’ he asks, and I nod, totally humiliated. ‘Who was, um, with you when you came in? There was just a couple of you, right?’ I ask, and he winces. ‘There were a few of us, actually. But it’s fine, I’ll tell them not to mention it to anyone. Your secret’s safe with us, y/n,’ he says with a grin, and I give him a weak smile. ‘Thanks, Chan.’ ‘No problem. Before I never mention it again, I just have one question,’ he says tentatively, and I close my eyes briefly, nodding as I brace myself. ‘Were you… in there when we went in?’ he asks, and I take a deep breath before nodding, his eyes widening. ‘In the shower cubicles, right?’ ‘Yep.’ ‘I thought I heard a banging noise,’ he says, and the girls burst out laughing. ‘No, no, it’s because I hit my head on the wall,’ I explain over their laughter, even more embarrassed now. ‘Sorry,’ Chan says, and I wave it off. ‘It’s fine, it’s my own fault for fucking in a public place,’ I say bluntly, and he lets out a gentle laugh.

The girls are still laughing when Chan leaves with the promise of never mentioning it again, and I shoot them dirty looks. ‘Are you gonna stop laughing any time soon or should I just go?’ I ask venomously, and their laughter gets even louder, making me roll my eyes. ‘Fine. I’m going,’ I say, pushing myself off my seat and leaving with my phone and drink in my hands, their laughter continuing behind me. I decide to venture into the living room, but regret my decision the second I walk in and lock eyes with Hyunjin – Chan’s whispering something to him, and he bites down on his lip when he sees me, obviously holding back a laugh at the irony of seeing me as Chan fills him in. I turn on my heel, instantly heading back into the kitchen and ignoring Hyunjin’s loud laughter behind me. But when my eyes meet Lisa’s and she bursts out laughing again, Tzuyu laughing too, I make a decision – I want to go home. I know none of them mean anything by it but it’s really… getting to me. I don’t like that nearly every conversation I’ve had in the last week has come back to Jimin – in fact, I hate it. I’m more than my sexual escapades, whether or not they’re with my worst enemy. I came here to have a good time with my friends tonight – not to speak about my sex life.

‘Mark,’ I say, catching the boy beside me offguard. ‘Oh, hey, y/n. You okay?’ he asks, and I nod. ‘I’m great. You?’ ‘I’m good, thanks. What’s up? You look… stressed.’ ‘I’m okay, I just… have you seen Jennie?’ I ask, and he nods, taking me by surprise. ‘I saw her go out the back door a couple minutes ago, with Seulgi and Nayeon,’ he says, and I grin at him. ‘Thank you, Mark, you’re the best!’ I exclaim, not giving him a second to reply before I quickly head towards the back door, ducking through the doorway before anyone else can speak to me. There’s a group of boys stood near the door, passing around a joint, and I quickly head past them, eyes skimming over the surroundings to see if the girls are here. I spot their three dark heads close together, looking at something on Seulgi’s phone, and I rush over. Nayeon spots me first, concern on her face as she watches me head towards them. ‘What’s the matter, y/n?’ she asks, the other two girls looking up at hearing my name. ‘I… I’m gonna leave,’ I say, all three of them looking at me in surprise – you usually have to drag me away from a party. ‘Why? You look hot, girl! You can’t waste this look!’ Seulgi exclaims, throwing an arm around my shoulders, and I give her a grateful smile. ‘Thanks, Seulgi, but I just… I’m fed up of being teased about Jimin. Maybe it’s God punishing me for sleeping with him, but for fuck’s sake, isn’t him being an idiot punishment enough? I don’t need everyone bringing it up every two fucking seconds,’ I complain, the three of them exchanging amused glances.

‘Oh, babe, it sucks, but you’ve gotta be thick skinned. You have to remember that you have publicly hated him for as long as we’ve all known you, pretty much. The fact that you’ve slept with him is, like, a big deal. It’s hot gossip. Of course people are gonna want to talk about it, and you are gonna get teased. You can’t let it get to you, or people will do it even more,’ Jennie says rationally, and I know she’s right, but I still don’t want to accept it, pouting. ‘I know, you’re right, but I’m already in a bad mood now, and I just wanna go home,’ I say, and I know I’m being immature, but I don’t care. I notice Nayeon’s eyes wander from me to over my shoulder and then she says, ‘well, someone’s coming over, and I don’t whether he’s going to make your mood better or worse.’ I sigh, wanting to cry, and I can feel Seulgi holding back a laugh. ‘Shall I tell him to fuck off?’ Jennie asks, and I shake my head – I don’t have the energy to fight with him today.

‘y/n,’ I hear his stupid voice say, before he appears beside me. He’s dressed in all black, tight ripped jeans and a black button-up shirt, the top two buttons undone and revealing tanned and freckled skin, with a leather jacket over the top of it. He’s wearing silver jewellery again, rings, earrings, bracelets and a necklace, and he looks really fucking handsome, like always. He looks me up and down, his eyes nearly falling out of his head at my appearance as he sweeps his black hair back with one hand, before he looks at my face, the shock being replaced with concern. ‘You okay?’ he asks, and him caring about me makes me want to run a mile – he’s supposed to hate me, not worry when I’m upset and annoyed. ‘I… don’t know,’ I say tiredly, not quite sure what to say, and he looks even more concerned at that. ‘Shall we… give you guys a minute?’ Jennie says, and I look at her in surprise. She just looks back at me with a sad smile, and then I realise; she’s knows that there’s more to this, to me and… Jimin, than just two people who fucked even though they hate each other. And so do I, the thought terrifying me. His feelings are involved, and maybe mine are too, and I already know this is gonna get messy, messier than it should. But I don’t really have it in me to put a stop to it right now. I think I must have hurt him a lot when I left him last week (the thought of him waking up to an empty bed when he thought I would be there beside him makes me feel sick to my stomach) and I don’t ever want to hurt someone like that again. Even if it that someone is Jimin, the most annoying, stupid, selfish, egotistic, infuriating, big-headed person to ever walk the Earth.

I stay silent, and Jimin takes that as a sign to nod at the girls, all of them giving me little hugs before they head back up towards the house. The few people that are outside are watching interestedly and I want to just tell them to all fuck off. I used to think I’d love being the centre of attention all the time, but I’ve definitely changed my mind. ‘What’s the matter, y/n?’ he asks gently, and I sigh, not meeting his eyes as I think, not sure what to tell him. He stays quiet as he waits for me to speak, which leaves us in a heavy silence. ‘I… I’m just fed up. All anyone’s been speaking to me about is you and I don’t like it because there’s more to talk about to me than my sex life, and I hate that people are always staring at me now and probably thinking all these things about me when they barely know me and everyone’s making me regret sleeping with you but I don’t want to regret it because it was good and I enjoyed it and it was with you, but I don’t know why that’s making me not regret it but I kind of do know because I don’t think that I see you the same as I used to anymore, which is something else I hate because I’m supposed to hate you, and I do but I also don’t think I do, and I’m so confused, and I just want to go home,’ I say miserably all in one breath, and he looks a little taken aback, but nods when I’m finished speaking. ‘I… I’ve been thinking a lot of the same things the last week, and I’m confused too. So if it’s any consolation, I know how you feel,’ he says, and somehow… it is consolation. I already knew his feelings towards me had changed, but hearing that he feels all the other stuff too, it does make me feel better. But I’m a stubborn bitch.

‘No, actually, I’m not sure you do know how I feel. Because I didn’t make it harder for you. I didn’t show up somewhere solely to piss you off, and laugh with my friends to make you feel self-conscious, and be all smug and amused and rude to you, and pull your underwear out of my pocket in front of everyone to embarrass you. So no, Jimin, you don’t know how I feel,’ I reply angrily, unable to help myself, but it’s true – he made this all a hundred times worse at try-outs earlier, and I am angry at him for it. I wait for him to get angry in return, to point out that I probably didn’t make it any better for him by being a bitch, but I’m pleasantly surprised when he just nods, his head dropping sheepishly. ‘I’m sorry, y/n. I didn’t mean to, I promise – I never intended to piss you off or to make you feel self-conscious or to embarrass you. I tend to… not think before I do things, and I guess my pride was hurt that you left so I wanted to just save face. And I shouldn’t have… left you earlier. I was just being petty and wanted to get back at you. I’m really sorry,’ he says earnestly, and I’m shocked into silence for a few moments, before I nod.

‘Okay. I accept your apology,’ I say, and he smiles. ‘I’m glad. Now… shall I take you home?’ he asks, and I blink in surprise. ‘What?’ ‘You said you wanted to go home so do you want me to take you?’ he offers, and I hesitate for a moment. ‘I’m not sure that’s a good idea.’ ‘Why not?’ ‘Because I’m supposed to hate you, and you’re supposed to hate me,’ I whisper, and he raises an eyebrow, taking a step closer to me. ‘Like I said earlier… would it really be so bad if we didn’t hate each other?’ he replies quietly, and I’m silent. ‘I don’t… I don’t know. It’s kinda… scary to think about. And it’s just easier to hate you. And…’ I trail off, and an amused smile appears on his stupid face. ‘You’re too stubborn to not hate me when you’ve hated me for so long, right?’ he says, seeing right through me, and I nod sheepishly. ‘We really need to work on your stubbornness, because I can see a future for us, y/n. If you could just give in to your feelings for me, we could pursue something together,’ he grins, but there’s no humour, no amusement in his voice at all, his honesty nearly winding me. He throws an arm around my shoulders and slowly walks us back up to the house. ‘A future? For you and me?’ I echo, and he lets out a gentle laugh. ‘Yeah! We’ll get married as soon as we finish Uni, have a load of kids, and they can become footballers and cheerleaders to follow in our footsteps,’ he says, and I choke, making him let out a loud laugh. ‘Okay, maybe not as soon as we finish Uni. I’ll make that sacrifice.’ ‘Thanks.’ ‘Of course, angel. Anything for you.’

The second we step into the house, all eyes in the kitchen look up at us. ‘Can we help you?’ Jimin asks evenly, daring them to say something, and they’re all silent. ‘Thought so,’ he mutters, leading us over to where the drinks are as conversation resumes around us, albeit much quieter now. Jimin eyes the dozens of bottles covering the countertop before his eyes flit to the cup in my hand. ‘What you drinking, babe?’ he asks quietly, and I hold my drink up for him to try. ‘You trying to roofie me?’ he grins, and I let out a little laugh. ‘It’s Fireball whisky and cream soda. Jeongyeon’s concoction,’ I say, and he grimaces before trying some, his face instantly changing. ‘Oh, wow, that’s good,’ he says, reaching for the whisky bottle to pour himself some. ‘Did you just arrive?’ I ask, and he nods. ‘I literally got here, walked into the kitchen, saw you weren’t in here, asked Mark where you were, and he said you were outside. I was coming to apologise,’ he says, and my heart warms. ‘To be honest… I should apologise too,’ I say, and his mouth drops open. ‘I can’t believe my ears. Is stubborn y/n finally discarding her pride?’ ‘Shut up, stupid,’ I laugh, shoving him gently, and he grins. ‘You don’t have to apologise, angel. You were scared that we didn’t hate each other, so you left, and then you were a bitch to me so that I’d hate you. That’s it. Don’t worry about it,’ he says, and I nod, grateful that I don’t have to apologise.

‘Okay,’ he says once he’s poured his drink, ‘shall we get away from all the staring?’ I raise an eyebrow, and he laughs. ‘I didn’t mean that, but if you’re down. I still owe you from earlier,’ he says lowly with a smirk, and my breath catches in my throat. ‘Um… maybe later. Let’s… see what’s going on in the rest of the house,’ I say, and he nods, grinning at my flustered state. And then he takes my hand into his, our fingers laced together, and a little shock runs up my arm at the contact. I nearly slap myself – he was rearranging my guts earlier, but I’m getting butterflies at him holding my hand? Really?

He leads me into the living room, several pairs of eyes turning to us, but he completely ignores them, so I do too. ‘You wanna stay in here?’ he asks over the loud music, and I shake my head. He nods, continuing to lead us through the room into the front hallway. The layout is the same as the ASP house, so Jimin knows his way around, leading me through the hallway and pushing open the door to the other living room, where it’s considerably more chill. The haze of weed lays heavy on the air, music gently pulsing through the room, and there are a lot less people in here, majority the boys on the football team with their girlfriends. ‘Oh, y/n, Chan spoke to me, I…’ Felix calls to me before his eyes land on Jimin behind me, his words trailing off when he spots our intertwined hands. ‘Yeah, it’s… yeah,’ I say, a little embarrassed, and Felix just nods, holding back a laugh when Jimin looks between us. ‘What did Chan speak to you about, Lix?’ Jimin asks, and I cringe. ‘They’re the ones that walked into the changing rooms earlier,’ I say under my breath, and he lets out a little noise of realisation with a nod, a smirk playing at his lips as he looks at Felix, the boy looking endlessly amused. ‘Oh, are you guys talking about how we walked in on you in the changing room?’ Jisung calls out tactlessly, and I close my eyes, gathering myself, as laughter ripples around the room. ‘You know what? Let’s just leave,’ I say tiredly, more laughter following my words, and Jimin nods, bidding goodbye to his friends with a smug grin as he leads me out of the room.

‘Shall we sit outside?’ he suggests, and I nod, letting him pull me through the front door. I shut the door behind us, and when I turn back, Jimin’s sat on the front step, looking out onto the front garden. It’s surprisingly empty, and it’s quiet out here, the only noise coming faintly from inside. I sit down beside him, pulling my dress down, and Jimin notices, a greasy smirk appearing on his face. ‘I swear to God, Park, I will not hesitate to throw this drink at you,’ I say, and he laughs, eyes disappearing behind their lids. ‘I was just gonna say that you look really nice. That dress really suits you,’ he grins, and I eye him suspiciously, holding back a laugh. He holds his hands up, feigning innocence, and I let out a gentle laugh, taking a sip of my drink. ‘Did you wear it for me?’ he asks, and I nod without looking at him. ‘Good choice. I like it,’ he replies, reaching for my hand, and I can’t help the small smile on my face as he laces his fingers with mine, our hands resting in my lap.

We both fall into a comfortable silence, and it’s really nice. It’s like all the other stuff falls away and doesn’t matter anymore, and we’re just a girl and a boy sat on the front steps of a frat house, taking a moment away from the party under the night sky, holding hands and drinking whisky and soda. We sit in silence for a few minutes, and I think that this is what true peace is like; when things are quiet and simple and easy, and nothing’s bothering me, nothing’s complicated or confusing, nothing matters. It’s almost too good to be true.

The door behind us opens after a few minutes, both of us turning to see Jeongin and Changbin, two more boys on the team, and Jimin grins widely when he sees them. I turn to face the front garden again, my back to the boys with my hand still in Jimin’s, both resting in my lap. ‘Boys! How are you? Ready for first practice next week?’ Jimin asks them, and I roll my eyes amusedly – football is their livelihood, and Jimin’s in his element talking about football, even more now that he’s been promoted to Captain. ‘Looking forward to it, Captain!’ Jeongin exclaims, hyping Jimin up even more. ‘Before we get distracted with football, we thought we’d let you know that, um, Rosie’s been looking for you. She asked us where you were and we said we didn’t know so we could buy you some time, but she’ll probably find you soon,’ Changbin says, and I freeze at the mention of his ex, Jimin wincing. ‘Um, okay, thanks, guys. I’ll, uh, speak to you later,’ he says, dismissing them, and they quickly disappear with a ‘bye’ thrown over their shoulders before the door shuts.

‘Why is Rosie looking for you?’ I ask amusedly, knowing exactly why she’s looking for him. She and Jimin have been in an on-again-off-again relationship for a long time, but he ended it for good at the end of last year, and stayed true to his word. According to the rumours, they don’t even talk anymore, just walk past each other without a word, and they haven’t slept with each other again. But she’s obviously got wind about me, and is jealous. ‘Um, yeah, about that. There’s probably something I should tell you,’ he says hesitantly, and I feel my body go a little cold as I turn my eyes to him – maybe there is a different reason she’s looking for him. ‘I… may have… slept with her… on Tuesday,’ he says, and the words don’t really register with me for a moment. ‘y/n?’ he says, eyes full of worry and I blink, realisation washing over me.

He slept with her. Four days ago.

I remove his hand from mine, and he flinches when I do so, retracting his hand slowly. ‘What… were you thinking?’ I ask, and he just blinks for a moment. ‘I was thinking that you hated me because you left and I was hurt so I found comfort in someone else,’ he says, tone neutral, but I can hear the defensiveness coming through. And, okay, maybe that is a good enough reason. But I’m still angry. Do I even have a right to be angry? ‘But your ex? Jimin, I-’ ‘Yes, y/n, my ex. I don’t really think you have a right to be angry. You left me. You knew my feelings for you were different to what you first thought, and you left anyway!’ he exclaims, voice rising, and I roll my eyes, letting out a humourless laugh. ‘I wasn’t obligated to stay just because you liked me!’ ‘But you liked me too!’ ‘I’m not sure I did, Jimin, and I’m still not sure about it! Besides, you literally said like fifteen minutes ago that you understood why I left and that I didn’t need to apologise for it!’ I point out, and he scoffs. ‘I do understand, but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less, y/n. I was hurting and she was at the ASP house picking up her hair clip that she lost at the party and one thing led to ano-’ ‘So she just happened to be at the house, picking up a hair clip, three days after what happened between you and me? You don’t think she planned that?’ I say incredulously, unable to believe how dense he is. ‘So what if she did? To me, it was meaningless sex, to get my mind off you. I don’t think you have a right to be angry.’ ‘I don’t think I do either, but I still am!’ I exclaim, and he rolls his eyes, a smile playing at his lips. ‘You’re not angry, you’re jealous.’ ‘I’m not jealous, Jimin, don’t be ridiculous,’ I scoff, even more pissed off now. ‘You are.’ ‘If I said, ‘let’s go upstairs and fuck’ right now, you would be down, so what have I got to be jealous about?’ I ask lowly, and his eyes darken. ‘Fine. You’re not jealous. You’re angry I slept with someone else because you like me. Don’t even bother saying you’re still not sure because that’s the only reason for you to be angry. And in that case, I understand. And I’m sorry. I won’t do it again,’ he says calmly, and I don’t say anything, looking away from him.

After a few moments, he reaches for my hand tentatively, gauging my reaction before lacing our fingers together again. ‘You don’t have to apologise. I’m just being silly,’ I say, and he chuckles, moving closer to me. ‘I’ll apologise as many times as you need me to. I really do like you, y/n, and I kinda have for a while. I don’t want to fuck up whatever this is happening between us. And I know you’re still reluctant and you still want to hate me or whatever, but I don’t mind waiting until you’re ready. I’m happy to take time to win you over,’ he says softly, and my heart warms a little. The contrast between this Jimin and the Jimin from last week really is insane. There are so many sides to him, it’s hard to keep track. ‘Sorry,’ I say, and he lets out a gentle laugh. ‘You don’t have to apologise for getting angry that I slept with my ex, even if we didn’t make any commitments to each other. I understand,’ he says simply, and I can’t help the smile on my face as I shuffle even closer to him, our sides pressed together and my head resting on his shoulder.

And again, it’s nice. But it really is too good to be true. The door behind us is wrenched open before we hear, ‘Jimin?’ I sigh, Jimin turning to look at Rosie. ‘Rosie,’ he replies, voice neutral, and I turn around, our eyes meeting. ‘Hi, Rosie,’ I smile at the girl. I’ve never actually had a problem with Rosie – we run in the same social circles, she’s a Cheerleader, and we’ve never been close but from what I know of her, she’s okay. ‘Hi, y/n. Do you mind if I speak to Jimin for a moment?’ she says sweetly. ‘Of course,’ I reply with a smile, not moving a muscle, and Jimin sighs. ‘y/n, please,’ he says, and I turn to him, annoyance unfurling in my chest. ‘Okay,’ I say coldly, dropping his hand from mine and rising up, brushing past Rosie into the house.

What is wrong with him? Has he got no common sense? The logical thing to have done is obviously to not speak to her – what could she possibly have to say? All she’s going to do is try to get him back. And he’s really stupid enough to ask me to leave? Am I a dickhead? I let out an angry sigh, deciding that I’ve had enough. He’s been spouting all this shit about how he doesn’t want to fuck this up, and then literally like two fucking minutes later, he’s having a private conversation with his ex. This is like ‘To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before’ but in real life. He’s Peter, Rosie’s Gen and I’m Lara Jean. Somehow though, I feel like I won’t have the same happy ending.

‘y/n!’ I hear Jennie call from the other living room, where she’s sat with Jihyo and Irene, and I sigh, heading in. ‘What’s happened?’ she asks, and I roll my eyes, the attention of everyone in the room on me. ‘He apologised and we made up but then he asked me to leave so he could have a private conversation with his ex,’ I say, and they all gasp, confirming that I’m not a crazy bitch and that he shouldn’t be having private conversations with his ex. ‘Oh, girl, you better not forgive his stupid ass,’ Jihyo says, the other girls in the room nodding and giving various agreements, and the boys are all quiet – they obviously feel a sense of loyalty to Jimin and don’t want to talk bad about him. ‘I feel so pissed, but I also feel like I don’t have a right to be pissed,’ I say, and the girls all frown, disagreeing instantly. ‘You do have a right to be pissed. You should go throw your drink over his stupid head,’ Jennie says angrily, and I hold back a laugh.

‘I don’t know what to do,’ I sigh helplessly, perching on the arm of Seungmin’s armchair. ‘It’s a red flag, y/n. End things here – don’t let it go too far otherwise you’ll get too attached, your feelings will get deeper and stronger, and it’s just not worth it. Him and Rosie are always messing around and it’ll probably be like that for a long time – she’s a nice girl but she’s got Jimin wrapped around her finger and she knows it. If he tries to move on, she’ll stop it. It’s not worth you getting involved in that, because you shouldn’t have to compete with his ex,’ Irene says softly, everybody listening to her, and I know she’s exactly right; I might… maybe… kinda… sorta… like(?) Jimin now, but he’s not worth competing with another girl for. If there’s even a choice for him, I should walk away. I deserve someone who wants me and only me. ‘God, you’re right,’ I wail, throwing myself back against the armchair and lifting my hand to my face despairingly, a little laugh running around the room at my dramatics as Seungmin pats my arm comfortingly. ‘I know he’s our friend, y/n, but he’s also kinda a dick when it comes to girls, and we all know it. I mean, he was literally bragging to us yesterday about what happened between you guys,’ Minho says, and I feel my focus shifting entirely to his words when he says that, my entire body tensing. ‘What did he say?’ I ask calmly, though I can feel my anger slowly rising, along with the tension in the room. ‘Well… um,’ Minho begins hesitantly, before sighing, ‘we all went to ASP last night for KPN and ASP Pizza Friday, and we were speaking about going to watch you guys at the try-outs. JB mentioned that, as the new captain, you might get pissed if we showed up, and then the conversation turned to you and Jimin last week.’

I’m in total shock; he blatantly lied to me earlier, by telling me that he’d only told his closest friends. The thought that all those boys were sat together last night, talking about me, makes my stomach turn. ‘What did he tell you guys?’ I ask shakily, despite not actually wanting to know. ‘Um… everything,’ Minho says, and my heart drops. ‘Everything?’ ‘Yeah. Everything,’ Chan confirms, voice gentle, and I can feel tears pricking my eyes. ‘Wow. Okay. So not only is he a dick, he blatantly lied,’ I say flatly, the room completely silent other than the low RnB beat pulsing from the speaker. ‘I’m gonna go. Sorry for, uh, killing the vibe,’ I say quietly, pushing myself up from the arm of Seungmin’s armchair and heading towards the door, multiple people in the room calling after me.

I quickly dart up the stairs, dodging past the couple making out on the landing and into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. Part of me is numb, in complete shock, and doesn’t know how to react. Another part of me is unbelievably hurt that he completely lied to my face, and that he asked me to leave so he could talk to his ex. Privately. Another part of me is totally humiliated that he told the boys everything, my pride completely ruined now. And the other part of me is annoyed at myself for being so hurt about a boy who, this time last week, I hated and would’ve rather fought than fucked.

‘y/n, it’s me,’ I hear Jennie’s voice from the other side of the door, and I unlock it to let her in. She pulls me into a hug, and I have to scrunch my eyes shut to stop myself from crying, pushing my head into her neck as she rubs my back comfortingly. ‘He’s so trash, babe. So trash. You deserve so much better,’ she says soothingly, and I try my best to fully believe her words, but it’s hard when I’m also trying to hold back my tears.

Before I can even speak to her, Jiwon’s head appears around the door, her eyes widening when she sees how upset I am. ‘y/n! Sorry for just walking in but are you okay?’ she asks, eyes big with concern, and my heart warms. ‘Ugh, yeah,’ I say, Jennie and I moving apart, and I tilt my head back, blinking furiously to get rid of my tears. ‘It’s just Jimin. He’s such a dick. I’m done with him,’ I say, the words coming out of my mouth before I even think of them, and I realise that, yes, I am done with him. I’m not wasting my time on him anymore.

‘Good. You deserve better. I mean, I knew he was a dick when he literally grabbed me on the way up to his room last week and dragged me along behind him. He made me think he was attracted to me, but he obviously just wanted to make you jealous,’ Jiwon says, and it makes me hate him even more. I didn’t even think about how hurt she must have been when she realised he was just using her. ‘God, he really is a dick,’ I spit, face twisted up in disgust, and Jiwon lets out a gentle laugh. ‘I’m surprised you didn’t see that sooner.’ ‘I knew all along. There was a reason I hated him so much – he’s always been a self-absorbed, egotistic, arrogant douche, but now… he’s even worse in my eyes.’

‘Shall we head back downstairs, get you a drink, dance? Or… shall we head home? We could have a little girls’ night – we’ve got a couple bottles of Echo Falls in the fridge, Clueless and Mean Girls on Netflix, and I have a few face masks. We could invite some of the other girls, too. And you could join us, Jiwon. We could get drunk, order pizza and talk about how much of a bastard Jimin is,’ Jennie says, the three of us laughing. She’s really sold the idea – it sounds like a lot of fun – but it’s late already. It’s better if I just head home and go to sleep. I actually feel exhausted after the events of today; it’s been an emotional rollercoaster, and I’m literally craving my bed right now. ‘That sounds fun, Jen, but maybe we could do that another night. I could do with just sleeping tonight,’ I say, and she nods, smiling gently.

‘Shall I order an Uber?’ ‘You stay,’ I say, and she frowns. ‘Why would I stay? You’re upset – I’ll come back with you.’ ‘No, honestly, I’ll be fine. You stay, enjoy the party. You haven’t even spent any time with Namjoon,’ I say, and she rolls her eyes. ‘I don’t care about spending time with Namjoon right now. You’re my priority. I’m coming home with you,’ she says firmly, pulling her phone out of her pocket, and I exchange an exasperated glance with Jiwon, the other girl incredibly amused.

As soon as Jennie’s ordered the Uber, we head downstairs to bid everyone goodbye. The second I step into the kitchen, Jin and Jungkook appear in front of me, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. ‘Don’t say a word, because I swear to God, I won’t hesitate to kick you both in the balls,’ I threaten angrily, and their grins soon disappear. ‘Have you been crying, y/n? What’s the ma-?’ ‘Don’t say a word!’ I exclaim, pushing past them to say goodbye to Wendy, Lisa, Chaeyoung and Tzuyu, the three of them giving me tight and comforting hugs – it seems that word’s already gotten around to the girls about Jimin and I. Then, in the living room, Nayeon, Seulgi, Mina, Jeongyeon, Jisoo, Momo, Joy and Sana all stop dancing the second I walk in, smothering me in hugs, and I know for sure that word has gotten around. And then, in the other living room, Jihyo, Irene, Yeri and Dahyun all give me big hugs too, and it really does make me feel better. Girls say it a lot, but it’s true – as long as you have your girls around you, you really don’t need a man. Any KNP or ASP boys that I walk past get the cold shoulder – they were all present when Jimin told them the dirty details and, despite some of them being my friends, close friends, not one of them thought to tell me. The only person that gets a goodbye from me is Minho; the rest of them can fuck themselves.

When I reach the front door, my hand shakes for a moment and I hesitate, Jennie putting a comforting hand on my shoulder. I take a deep breath, rolling back my shoulders and raising my chin a little, injecting as much confidence into my body language as possible before I aggressively turn the handle, pulling the door towards me forcefully. They’re still sat on the front doorstep, Rosie where I was sat just half an hour ago, and they both jump when they hear the door open. And even though they react instantly, I still spot Jimin’s hand retracting from Rosie’s, leaving hers empty.

My eyes flit back up, in front of me, and I carefully walk through the gap between them, ignoring them both completely. ‘y/n? Are you leaving?’ I hear Jimin ask, but Jennie puts a hand on my back, the both of us continuing to walk up towards the road and away from him. ‘y/n! Wait!’ he calls after me, and then I hear his footsteps behind us, making my blood boil – can he not take the hint? ‘What, Jimin?’ I demand, whirling around to face him, and he hesitates in his steps. ‘y/n-’ ‘No, Jimin, don’t ‘y/n’ me. What the fuck do you want?’ ‘I… you’re angry at me,’ he says quietly, and I let out a harsh laugh. ‘Great observation, Jimin! What else will you come out with? The grass is green? Or the sky is blue, perhaps?’ ‘Okay, you don’t need to be so bitchy to m-’ ‘Bitchy?’ I practically scream, marching towards him, and he recoils away from me. Good. I’m glad he’s scared.

‘I think I’m well within my rights to be bitchy to you, you fucking bastard!’ I shriek, and he flinches, confusion all over his face. ‘What did I do, y/n? I… let me fix it,’ he says, and I let out another humourless laugh. ‘Fix it? You want to fix it?’ I ask hysterically, voice shaking, ‘You might’ve been able to fix the fact that you asked me to leave so you could have a private conversation with your ex, but that’s a very strong ‘might’, because I am not a choice, Jimin! You don’t get to mess me around! I’m number one, or I’m nothing to you at all!’ ‘Okay. Okay, I understand, and I’m sorry. I won’t do something like that again,’ he says earnestly, desperation in his eyes, but I can’t muster up any sympathy at all. Maybe I am a bitch, like he told me so many times last week.

‘No, you’re not going to do something like that again. Because you’re not going to have the chance, Jimin. We are done. That’s it,’ I say, and any hope that was in his eyes completely disappears, the light draining away. ‘What? Why? I thought you wanted… to give us a go,’ he says quietly, sounding… lost, and confused. It only makes me angrier – he’s not gonna get away with playing innocent today. ‘I did. Before I found out that you went and blabbed every single detail of last week to every fucking frat boy in ASP and KPN last night! Did you somehow forget about that, or did you purposely leave out that detail when I asked you earlier?’ I scream, body shaking with fury, and the second he registers my words, the colour disappears from his face, and he looks like he might throw up. He doesn’t say anything, and I give him the chance, but he doesn’t even bother to deny it, just stares at me in shock and the last shred of my hope that maybe Minho lied, that he exaggerated, or that maybe Jimin only told a couple of the guys disappears. ‘Yeah. That’s what I thought too. So forgive me for being such a bitch,’ I spit at him, and he opens his mouth to speak, no words coming out.

‘Go on. Say something. You’ve had plenty to say all night. So let’s hear it,’ I prompt sarcastically, and he just blinks before he whispers miserably; ‘I’m so sorry.’ ‘Sorry? You’re sorry? Oh, well, that’s okay! Everything’s solved now, huh? That just makes everything fine!’ I shout, and his head drops, eyes on the ground. ‘Not only did you tell everyone, you lied about it! So how can I pursue something with you when you’re already lying to me? I can’t trust a word you say!’ ‘I… I’m not defending myself… but you lied to me too, y/n. You told me that you told Jennie, and ‘a couple of the other girls’. But we both know that was a lie,’ he says slowly, stuttering as he speaks, and I’m dumbfounded, in complete and utter shock.

‘You… you don’t understand. I told the girls, my closest friends. We tell each other everything. I’ve been there for them through everything, and they’ve been there for me through everything. You told two entire fraternities of immature and idiotic man children! You don’t think there’s a difference between the two? I bet they congratulated you, right? On getting the girl that hates you into bed? Asked what I was like? What my body looks like? Whether I had good head game, or good pussy? Saw me as just a slut, another conquest, another notch in your belt? Two entire fraternities objectified me last night, and you can’t even try to tell me otherwise, because I can guarantee that every girl in this damn university has had an experience to prove that you frat boys are disgusting. So you can fuck yourself, Jimin, and don’t ever compare me telling the girls to you telling those idiots again,’ I spit out angrily, and he’s completely silent, confirming everything I’ve just said. ‘I’m done with you. Don’t ever speak to me again,’ I hiss before turning on my heel and marching to where Jen stands outside the Uber, smiling at me softly.

‘That was amazing. I’m so proud of you,’ she says when I reach her, and I smile back as she opens the car door, letting me climb in first. I slide across the seat, Jennie following me in, and when she shuts the door behind her, I feel my heart pulse with hurt, eyes filling with tears. And as the driver pulls away from the house and I turn to look out of the rear window, being met with the sight of Jimin stood there, watching the car drive away, his eyes shining with tears, I can’t hold back my own, sobbing as if my heart would break.

[theholycovenantrpg]

CONGRATULATIONS, MIMZ! YOU’VE BEEN ACCEPTED FOR THE ROLE OF RAPHAEL.

Admin Rosey: I never really thought that Raphael’s application would be so f u n to read. Macabre? Absolutely. Impassioned? Of course. But hilarious to the point where I was giggling? Definitely unexpected but that is what made this so enjoyable and it is ultimately why this application received a r e s o u n d i n g yes from each of us. There was a perspective that I always envisioned for Raphael but was never able to articulate it myself until you laid it out, word by word, with this application, Mimz. Raphael is such a multi-faceted and character that holds so much potential, and the way that you wove it into every aspect of the application made this so fun to read. Thank you so much for taking the time to produce such a wonderful application! Your faceclaim change to Kendrick Sampson has been approved. Please create and send in your account, review the information on our CHECKLIST, and follow everyone on the FOLLOW LIST. Welcome to the Holy Land!

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias 

mimz

Age

21

Personal Pronouns

she/her

Activity Level

i’ll typically check the dash every day, and i try not to keep replies stewing for longer than a couple of days! that said i can be a little slow, especially around exam seasons.

Timezone

pst

Triggers

REMOVED

How did you find the group?

miss minnie bleubeard’s blog

IN CHARACTER

Character

raphael, with a fc change to kendrick sampson

What drew you to this character? 

short answer: divine amorality sexy HAHAHAHA

long answer: there was something i read a little while ago about some of the best surgeons being able to dehumanize their patients to a rather frightening degree. there’s a level of abstraction that you need in order to not let your empathy get in the way of the practice of medicine; ultimately, a body is a body is a body, right? and then there’s the moral quandary of healing - it is a doctor’s duty to heal, but what does that actually mean? to what extent is a doctor’s duty to relieve suffering? to obstinately prolong life? if the body heals but the mind still ails, is a person healed? what i’m getting at, here, is that in some ways the healer is the most dangerous character of all. 

when i read raphael’s bio, there was a quote in that article from a surgeon named david cheever that came to mind: “as a result of anaesthetics, the surgeon ‘need not hurry; he need not sympathise; he need not worry; he can calmly dissect, as on a dead body.’” to me, raphael is an explosion and expansion of this concept. raphael is, quite literally, a medical ethicist’s worst nightmare, and to me, that’s absolutely fascinating. without sympathy, what separates a healer from an educated control freak with a god complex? with raphael, we can extend this concept to its furthest extreme. raphael isn’t even human - how could he even begin to sympathize with an experience so foreign to him? why would he worry about something trivial as human suffering when it essentially exists as a theoretical concept to him? divine beings have no reason to play by human rules, and as a creature raised by god’s side raphael was so far removed from the concept of human suffering that it’s sort of a no-brainer that he developed a sick fascination with it, like a child who managed to con their parent into buying a grand theft auto game and is obsessed with running over pedestrians because the stakes never quite feel real. it’s a perspective i’d absolutely love to explore in a group rp setting because the nature of rp means that it’s kind of...completely unsustainable? like as writers we’re shoving these characters together, which means that raphael will have to be exposed to mortals. there’s room for a lot of character development there, and it seems like something extremely interesting to explore.

BUT HERE’S THE THING⁠—and this is where the character gets really fun, in my opinion. i’ve talked a fair bit about god complexes already, but when applied to raphael an interesting question is raised: how much is a complex, and how much of it is actually being divine? what really made me want to get my grubby little hands on the reins of raphael’s story was seeing the disconnect between the way his connections are written from raphael’s perspective versus the other character’s perspective. it’s a fun little hubristic shade that makes him an unreliable narrator and infinitely more interesting than a simple morality thought experiment. i think it’s easy to see raphael as this super cool, all-powerful master manipulator (i think that’s a pretty accurate take on his self-image, in fact), but he’s not the only player in this game. for every pawn he’s trying to move, there is someone else trying to use him in a similar way, and i don’t know that he truly understands the ramifications of that. see, i think it’s easy to reduce raphael to the points i discuss in the previous paragraphs because that’s what he wants you to think of him. but this is a world of gods and superpowers and magical political intrigue and game of thrones doesn’t exist so nobody can tell him that he’s on the path to becoming a cersei lannister (admittedly i haven’t watched got so this reference might not be right but i feel like it’s right so uh. yeah!). maybe i just like to see arrogant men getting knocked down a peg? this might be a projection of that. i dunno. i just know that there are quite a few mind games and mental gymnastics to untangle with raphael and that’s fun. he’s fun.

also. i would like to once again reiterate: divine amorality sexy. it’s not good, to be clear, and i don’t condone it, but i’m just saying.

What future plots do you have in mind for the character?

WHEN  THE  CITY  CRUMBLES  AROUND  YOU  AND  YOU  HOLD  ITS VESTIGES  IN  YOUR  HANDS,  WHOM  DO  YOU  BLAME?

i think Raphael’s big character arc revolves around a simple question: how far are you willing to go to achieve what you want? 

ostensibly, it’s an easy answer: very far. but when your desire is antithetical to your very purpose, when chasing it puts you at odds with the thing you’ve worked to build, do the goalposts move?

(the correct answer is that raphael did not build caelum. he simply destroyed god.)

let’s say, hypothetically, that raphael gets what he wants. the world is thrown into war and chaos and destruction, yadda yadda, raphael gets his blood and his suffering, great. he’s lived through this before (a couple times, actually), so you think he’d realize by now—eventually, the dust will settle. people will tire of suffering. and where will that leave raphael? how many times will you remake the world to watch it burn? can you ever be fulfilled chasing a temporary high? 

(the correct answer is no, but raphael is an immortal being. more importantly, he is a patient one. he will wait a million days for rome to be built, if only to witness the single day in which it will burn.)

i think raphael needs to reckon with these questions. i think he’s lived far too long with his mentality unquestioned and that has made him both insufferable and a major threat to society. this is a long and pretentious way to say that raphael honestly kind of needs a hobby whatever the thc-verse equivalent of therapy is, but i think any sort of positive character development is contingent upon a recontextualization of suffering and chaos and raphael’s masks.

of course, this isn’t to say that introspection will only lead to positive character development. perhaps a raphael who looks deeper into his psyche will come to understand that his desires outweigh his role; perhaps such thoughts will push raphael over the edge of propriety and into something more outwardly despicable. no matter what, though, i think that the direction of raphael’s character development will be largely shaped on how he decides to prioritize his⁠ roles and goals. 

FOR  WHOM  DO  THESE  HANDS  HEAL?

let’s discuss the archangels, shall we? despite it all, raphael genuinely loves his brothers. i would argue, even, that raphael believes that his scheming is in service to the other archangels; he’s not blind to the way complacency has softened the angels. at this point, the only true threat to the angels is themselves—if michael wants to to unlock a state of sanctifying grace, it will happen at the hand of one of his kin. 

i spoke earlier about raphael’s goals ultimately being futile. this is largely because they are diametrically opposed to michael and gabriel’s goals, and while raphael knows this intellectually, i don’t think he’s quite thought about what the long-term implications of that conflict entails. he’s so caught up in the conflict between michael and gabriel that he’s neglected to consider how he factors into the dynamic. could he be the common ground that brings michael and gabriel together? could he be the final straw that breaks them apart? he is excited for the fighting, the fallout; but has he stopped to consider what the long-reaching effects of such a rift may be?

raphael is breaking his family apart because he loves them. will that be enough, when he is sent to pick up the pieces? whose side will he fall on, if he is to pick a side at all? 

DID  PYGMALION  FALL  IN  LOVE  WITH  THE  BEAUTY  OF  HIS  CREATION,  OR  THE  BEAUTY  HE  CREATED?

i said this in the previous section but i’d like to reiterate it: i think a big reason raphael is Like That is because the stakes have never quite felt real to him. raphael’s a pot stirrer, but he’s not a creature of action. to this, i say give him real stakes. to be honest, i don’t know exactly what that entails, because i could see a number of ways in which tangible pressure manifests itself for raphael. perhaps his meddling with michael and gabriel steps too far, and his brothers  perhaps the angels become suspicious of his maneuvering, in which the spider is drawn into his own web of intrigue. maybe we apply positive pressure, where the ails of the world require a healer and raphael is tapped to higher purpose⁠—and higher power. maybe raphael will find himself tempted by the very demons he holds in contempt. 

the point is that raphael has largely been a character who acts through others. even now, we see this through his grooming of romilda, with his subtle manipulation of michael and gabriel. i want him to become a more active character, either by his own volition or by his hand being forced. 

similarly, i’m extremely interested in seeing how raphael navigates the political elements of this verse. i expect it stings a bit to be the only archangel not given a position of leadership; perhaps he holds lingering resentment toward zadkiel for being given a role raphael had expected to receive. does he subtly undermine zadkiel’s leadership? i want to watch him play up tensions with the vices, to hide a vicious war-hawk perspective under the guise of a concerned healer. i want him to smile in abaddon and samael’s faces and plot their suffering in his mind. i want to see the snake slither in the grass, to return to his original form as a spider spinning a web of intrigue across his court. yes, i want a more active raphael, but i think the political drama is ripe for development, as well.

WHEN  I  SPIT  UP  MY  SINS  AND  BEG  FOR  REPENTANCE,  WHAT  WILL COME  UP?

this one’s a long shot, but i could maybe...see...raphael……..falling. i can guarantee you that the idea has never even crossed raphael’s mind, and that he would literally rather be smited than be cast out of caelum, but i can see it. i think he might be happier, actually; if he fell, he could really lean into the chaos and suffering thing without any compunction.

of course, this is something infinitely easier said than done. were raphael to be cast out of caelum, he would have nowhere to go. infernum would never take him⁠—he’s made far too many enemies among their ranks. he could wander the holy land, but he’s far too proud to bind himself to its existing social systems. (he wouldn’t be able to look gabriel in the eye.)

raphael would have absolutely nothing. 

but he would also be free.

that’s right, i think that a horsemen-style liberation arc would be an absolute banger for raphael. again, i don’t think it’s feasible unless a very specific set of circumstances happen, but just imagine a raphael with nothing to lose, free to go absolutely apeshit. his only prerogative is to make sure you have a bad day. he is free to sow whatever chaos, whatever suffering he so wishes across the land. WHEW.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character?

yes, but i don’t see him going down easily.

IN DEPTH

Driving Character Motivation

entomological curiosity, in short. consider: why did god leave the apple in the garden of eden? why do humans keep animals in glass cases? why do children burn ants with magnifying glasses?

raphael wants to observe the world. a good healer must understand his patients at a fundamental level, and such truths are only revealed when the subject is broken down to its basest parts. you see, raphael was weaned on temperance and virtue; there is a lush decadence to emotional extremes that he finds most fascinating. they are debased. they are crass. they are wantonly sentimental, in a garishly beautiful way.

but this is not all. he wants to stave off boredom, and these are the tools he has to play with. for all of his machinations, raphael is a simple being. raphael has no grand ambitions, no lofty ideals, and that is what makes him so dangerous. he wants to be amused. he wants to be stimulated. he wants to observe a world in which things happen.

ostensibly, this is not as selfish a motivation as it may seem. as a healer, raphael knows something that many do not: serenity cannot exist in perpetuity. it is impossible for the world to remain unchanged⁠—even if the change is not evident, it is happening. an eternal peace is all but a stagnation of the kingdom; the only thing stagnation breeds is degradation. the angels are weakening because they are not being challenged. michael and the virtues may be doing extensive research to find an alternate explanation, but raphael knows this to be the truth. 

of course, the irony underlying the selfless explanation of raphael’s motivations reveals the truth of the matter: it is a farce. perhaps it is a lie that raphael has even convinced himself he believes, but it is farcical nonetheless. raphael claims he wants to invoke change because stagnation is dangerous, but riddle me this⁠—if this is true, why has raphael never changed? centuries upon centuries have passed, and the world has changed around him, but raphael himself has remained largely unchanged. he is the orchestrator of change, not its agent nor its subject, and that is just the way he would like things to stay.

Character Traits

CHARISMATIC - there’s a reason very few have cottoned on to raphael’s true nature, and it’s not (just) his pretty face and magical girl-esque aura. there’s something effortlessly captivating about raphael, a pace to his cadence that has you hanging on to his every word, a lightness to his smile that makes you want to coax it out whenever and however you can. everything about raphael puts people at ease, except for his eyes, which tend to put people on edge if he’s not careful. he’s not gregarious or the outgoing sort of charismatic by any means, but he does manage to exude an overwhelming charisma.

PATIENT - it’s important to remember that before raphael turned on god, he waited for him. raphael performed healings for centuries and never raised a hand against his father in that time. think of all the angels that fell, that rebelled; raphael was not among them. no, raphael played the dutiful son, allowing his resentment to fester and boil deep underneath his skin, but never to surface. for centuries he served loyally, biding his time. remember: lucifer fell. raphael did not. which one killed god? as i mentioned in the plot section, raphael will wait a million days for rome to be built to witness the single day it burns. prolonged suffering is perhaps the most beautiful of all. fortitude goes hand-and-hand with patience.

INTELLIGENT - in a few ways. raphael is well-studied, with extensive knowledge of biology and chemistry and history and politics. raphael is emotionally intelligent; he hides his true nature behind a veneer constructed to meet expectations. he may not be as talented as gabriel in this regard, but it is a skillful construction nonetheless.

MANIPULATIVE - i mean. yeah.

ARROGANT - he thinks he’s smarter than god???????????????? tbf god was a bit of a headass in this universe but we’ve all read enough tragedies to know where this kind of hubris ends up going.

CRUEL - there’s a bit to unpack here. i’d argue that there are two types of cruelty: malicious cruelty and callous cruelty. raphael is certainly capable of both, but i think he embodies the latter. with certain notable exceptions, raphael’s cruelty is rarely personal; it is a thoughtless sort of cruelty, the type inflicted upon beings considered expendable. raphael is selfish and petty and powerful, and these traits coalesce into a casual cruelty. 

In-Character Para Sample cw: light gore

Look at how they look at him. God’s good little lambs, lined up all in a row, passive and pliant and patiently awaiting benediction. Patiently waiting for Raphael. 

Raphael hates them.

No. This is false. It is difficult for Raphael to muster up stronger feelings toward mortals than a vague sort of amusement, the sort of affinity one might have for a particularly stupid kit when it does something surprisingly clever. In this regard, he understands that he differs from his kin. Gabriel, in particular, has developed a particular fondness for the mortals. Why anyone would wish to strip mortals of their most fascinating behavior⁠—to the point of openly defying their Father⁠—is beyond Raphael. He has given up on trying to reason with his brother on the matter. 

The first supplicant is beckoned forward. They pray to the Lord and Raphael touches their forehead with one palm, cups their chin with the other. His fingers splay carelessly around a throat all but bared to him and the ceremony is so mechanical Raphael allows his thoughts to wander⁠. 

How easy it would be to tighten his grip. How beautiful it would be, to watch the lamb’s naive adoration flash into fear, to watch fear darken into betrayal and resentment and the most beautiful emotion of all: despair. He can feel the pulse at his fingertips. It would quicken in a stress response, he knows. It would quicken, then it would pound, and then maybe it would stop.  It all falls to Raphael’s whim. In this moment, Raphael holds their life in his hands. They have all but laid on his sword for the promise of absolution and when they look up at Raphael with their dumb, trusting eyes he can see the sparkling tracks where tears once fell, down the hollow of a cheek into the pool of a collarbone. He finds himself overcome with the desire to trace the fall with his tongue. “Give me your pain,” he murmurs. Let me taste it. Let me understand. 

He takes it. He does not taste it. He does not understand.

He releases the mortal. Those beautiful tear tracks are already fading. “The Lord be with you,” he says, and perhaps he even means it. His Father’s gaze burns into his back, even from a world away. He’d laugh at the irony, were he free to. Is this the weight you so desire? he wants to ask the devotee. No, Raphael knows the truth: God’s love is a shackle. God’s love is a leash and it is holding Raphael back from his fullest potential.

“And also with you,” the lamb responds. Their head is bowed obediently in prayer and they shuffle away, appropriately awed. The next supplicant is beckoned forward.

The light of Raphael’s presence obfuscates the darkness in his eyes.

— 

Later, much later, Raphael finds himself studying his hands. He flexes them, balls them into fists, stretches his fingers as far as they will spread. 

How easy it would be to tighten his grip.

The hand is at once an individual unit and a summation of individual parts. The hand contains twenty-seven bones and thirty-four muscles connected by over a hundred ligaments and tendons. Wrists connect to metacarpals, which connect to carpals, which taper off into delicate phalanges. Individually, each of these parts are largely useless; were Raphael to take a scalpel and drag it through a tendon, across the joints, the strings would be cut and the puppetry would cease to dance. You would be left with a small pile of carpals and metacarpals and phalanges, loose strings of muscle and tendon. At times, it is difficult to fathom how such mundane component parts are the instruments of extraordinary acts.

Raphael flexes his hand, watches bone shift under skin. If he remembers correctly, mortals have an idiom about knowing your hands, or something along those lines. He will not pretend to be familiar with mortal culture. Did you know that, wings aside, mortals and angels all have the same bone structure? 

Of course you did. It is common knowledge that God made all beings in His image, or so the story goes. 

This is an easy answer, but one with interesting implications. Let us extrapolate. If mortals and angels are essentially biological mirrors, and each are made in the image of God, does that mean that God will bleed like His creations? Slide a scalpel across God’s knuckles—will His puppets cease to dance?

Raphael could find out. It would take only a single blade, sliced through a single tendon. 

Now, Raphael is not so arrogant to believe himself the blade. He would not even consider himself the hand. Such a role requires a particular kind of conviction—

( —and that sort of conviction is made manifest in bitter disillusionment⁠—the sort inflicted upon Michael. How easy it would be to find himself in his brother’s ear, whispering of their Father’s capriciousness and the unnecessary cruelty that resulted for the poor, poor humans— )

( —and that sort of conviction is made manifest in righteous anger⁠—the sort inflicted upon Gabriel. How easy it would be to find himself in his brother’s ear, whispering of their Father’s neglect and the unnecessary cruelty that resulted for the poor, poor humans— )

( —and that sort of conviction is made manifest in a whetted hunger⁠—the sort God gifted to each of His angels. Hunger breeds hunters and heaven is full— )

—that Raphael simply cannot embody. Rage has never been his forte. 

Consider, however, that the hand is controlled by nerve impulses. A spark is all the hand needs to transform from a collection of bone to an agent of action. Yes. He clenches his fists. Here are the bones, the veins, the tendons, the muscle. Angels and mortals all share the same bone structure.

Does God?

Extras

pinterest.

raphael has classically beautiful wings. i’m talking TEXTBOOK cherubic angel wings, with the sweeping white feathers and all. raphael kind of hates them, though he takes a great deal of pride in them.

raphael doesn’t have a signature weapon. he’s proficient with blades, yes, and fights with a surgeon’s precision, not the strongest nor the fastest but eerily efficient in his blows. but he is a healer—at the end of the day, his empty hands are all he needs. (his empty hands are what you should fear.)

raphael hates the heretics pro forma but. but. he cannot deny a certain...fondness for them. the heretics exhibited such dedication to a futile cause; they believed their suffering to be something noble. it’s a laughable notion, certainly, but a sentiment so distinctly human it’s almost charming. should they wish to return, to throw themselves on the knife over and over and over, well. raphael shall not complain. he shall smile beatifically, perhaps abate their suffering, even⁠—and watch them do it again. 

in a modern au, raphael is a reality tv producer. ok actually he’s probably a surgeon but i think he’d make a very good reality tv producer. alternately, there is a universe out there where raph fixated on like...baking, or k-pop, instead of suffering. those are good timelines, i think. maybe not the k-pop stan timeline.

raphael is the living embodiment of that dwight schrute “we need a new plague” meme.

[gg-astrology]

hiii!! i'm that hannah montana but seokjin agenda anon, tell hi to your friend!! the lvl of my satisfaction is impossible to describe, thank you for your service. and yes, you've fulfilled my request!! i really appreciate your efforts, it was on point!! can i request more bangtan things?? only if it's alright with you :| can you do the same ranking for them from ' i'm rich 3$, wine and dine me' to 'i have a rolled blanket as my pillow' *cough* jk *cough*. from that to a simpler lifestyle? thk!

Hey there!! 💕❤️💕 Welcome back!!! 💕❤️💕💕❤️💕 slkskjnsdkjns she saw this and im really glad u like it!! 💕❤️💕💕❤️💕 

U can! 💕❤️💕Me and my friend really like your questions because it’s very thoughtful and fun!! 💕❤️💕 

EDIT: My friend said they interpreted this question differently into ‘how complex vs simple’ their lifestyle is and!!!!!!!!!! maybe we’ll edit and add it in anon if u send in another ask I’ll ask my friend if they want to answer?? I’m sorry!!!!! My 2nd house sun immediately: Wealth  

Please send us more questions, but maybe not this one bc it’s about their personal lifestyle/how they live (+ not their personalities or what they’ve shown us) and it may be treading on 1. making assumptions about their personal life in which we’re in no authoritative position to commentate on  

2. we can obviously talk about how we view them and write commentaries on how we feel/what we think, but there’s also a line where we have to acknowledge people might see us as credible information/authority in our own rights when it’s out in public/shared to an audience 

3. what they’ve shown us clear boundaries between public figures and their audience might be wiser 

4. acknowledging our position of power + influence to the community rather than ignoring the fact that our words have sway will help us in the long-run by making conscious, thoughtful choices on what we could give/bring to the fan/outside community as well. 

I hope this makes sense?? 💕❤️💕 I hope it’s ok if I mulled it over last night and thought I might not – it might not be the best idea to talk about it/put it out there?? 

Please don’t feel bad at all!! 💕❤️💕I really love your questions and I actually wrote as I tried to figure out how to do this (literally just disclaimers before I realized oh maybe there’s no way to do this properly and I shouldn’t??) – I don’t want you to get out of this ask empty-handed, so if it makes it any better – I’ll publish my working through below the read more and you might see what I was working out as I try to answer your question?? 💕❤️💕 

Long commentary on BTS privilege, social inequality + wealth disparities in the real world (disclaimer for this ask?)  +  Working Outs and Why It Didn’t Work ⬇️

Note: From here on below is me writing my thoughts down as I tried to answer the ask, I hope that – even though I couldn’t answer your question – this is a good answer in other regards either way? Hopefully? 

Just a disclaimer note on BTS and this topic as well: In my head I’m immediately going into commentary about social inequality, wealth disparity and how poverty + classism exists in real life. 

Just a quick tangent, but real people suffer from this issue. Our society have consequences when it comes to wealth inequality + the ability to afford basic human amenities (healthcare, living/housing, food, education, transportation, disabilities etc.) 

Even when they’re relatable, BTS are billionaires who knows their position is privileged. Lets - make that clear for a second.  

They still do their best in variety shows where they have to compete/entertain the audience. What I’m trying to say is. I’d rather not ignore/make note that there’s a difference between being privileged, being aware of these issues and still preferring simpler lifestyles for themselves. Than being ignorant and completely insensitive/unaffected from the matter. They’re still privileged, let’s make that clear. And thus, as relatable as they are to the public/audience, they benefit from the social/economical/political power they have given by those around them (their audience, accessibility medias and production).  

In the context that is related (i.e. army joking that BTS fights over ramen) – BTS have never once shown that they’re unaware of their wealth + privilege, even it was a joke – the thing that is missing is the context –  they’re usually seen competing in BTS run/gayo, but it’s produced to let them showcase their dynamic and chemistry  - the prize (commodities/money) was never actually the main focus. 

A highly competitive game with members who know each other well - is actually what these shows are about. 

BTS doesn’t glorify their own wealth, nor have they acted as if they are poor in order to gain relatability or sympathy from the audience/masses (looking at armis 💜 who does this. delete armi 💜) 

It’s a part of why they have fans and why people like them. They’re able to sell products + contribute to relief/charity organizations and advocate campaigns.  Whilst they are in position of privilege compared to others - they’ve never not acknowledged that they could afford to do so for reasonable personal requests (i.e. safety on flights and in airports, security in their home, equipments to perform/produce with, reaching out to audiences that usually never has the opportunity to connect with them despite liking them for a long time, etc.)

I think it’s just important to note - for those who are armys and those who are looking at it from the outside - that this is what we see and why we’re talking about this. 

I just want us to acknowledge that they’re privileged and their lifestyle choices are personal, I think that’s what I’m doing here. 

So, commentary on social inequality of the world we all live in + BTS privilege in all this/disparities. check.

This is going to be disgustingly generalized to an incredible amount because we don’t have houses – to be completely honest, within the context of the question having houses is exactly what we need for these types of answers. 

From a technical stand-point, not having houses when we’re talking about specific contexts within a person’s life (basically why we have so many houses - for different contexts) – will make this reading terribly vague and misleading as well. 

Actually, should we do this at all.. because simply saying oh Taurus/Libra placements would want materialistic things to show x, y, z is incredibly misgiving and is like a blanket statement. Without houses in question, there’s no specification on what it is used for or what kind, or what type of actions/manifestations these signs are going to have in order to express themselves.  

Planets in signs can only do so much to talk about the energy that is being produced – placing them in houses and context, gives them manifestation that doesn’t simply exist in a vacuum by itself.

All placements in a chart make up a cohesive picture of what it is used for, when and where. With only the how/why (placements) — the best I can probably do to answer the question is just explain how it could possibly manifest and why/what reasoning it may have to express itself that way.

While that is something I could? probably talk about. It… just doesn’t answer the question in a way that’s satisfying. This question is really good… and there’s a way to get there and give it the answer it wants. But.. with what we have, it’s a disservice to answer half-right and do a poor job overall, than to actually give the full answer.

Hnnnfghfnhgn there’s also.. some disclaimers on personal life for idols/public figures and how this might.. be almost assuming or intruding on that territory? From a glance it isn’t like it’s not something they’ve not shown us publicly or told us about. But they also didn’t advertise it, and what they do with their personal life/lifestyle– is that something we (as fan) are in anyway, shape or form, capable or have any voice to talk about as if we know what they’re doing? Does that? make sense? 

Like, intruding as in - do we have any authority to tell them to get a pillow or stop drinking wine or something like that. Speculate, on what restaurant they go to/how $$$ it is, or does things that are privileged, things that aren’t going to han river to bike, etc. Can we really pick and choose certain choices they choose to do with their lifestyle, while being completely separated from reality of their other?

Idk.. this is getting complicated.. but maybe sticking to things they are proud of and does talk about openly/happily in their public and professional persona might be better… considering that they should have? a modicum of personal life back to themselves? we could at least do that and choose to respect them right… thats? hm. what’s right.

Fine wine and dine, lavish restaurants and other personal choices on their expenses and love for/lifestyle… maybe.. its for the best if we leave it to their own authority and discretion, over their own private/personal life and what they choose to share with people they know/care for/love. 

I think the end all of it might just be: can I imagine them coming to say to us “army, you know how I am right? I’m like this in my personal lifestyle/choice” – and of what they could say, I don’t think that’s something they may be willing to share without their explicit consent, nor can I imagine it right now if it’s about messy habits or a flaw they may have. So hm. 

The question addresses simpler lifestyle too – we don’t have authority to commentate on JK’s pillow choices, but being exposed like that suddenly might not be something he’s entirely comfortable with or would advertise to others as well? Not to mention, they all seem to not advertise anything that is outrageously privileged that would smack anyone in the face – they’re pretty sensitive to keeping things personal, private, under-wraps. Even when they choose to eat at a well-known restaurant, it’s not in bad-taste or done frivolously. In a way, they all tend to keep a simpler lifestyle about them to not let their wealth + privilege get in the way of their work + connecting to us, focusing solely on what their skills are + performance and music. 

Simply going by that.. is it wise to talk about something we might just choose to show decency/a modicum of respect for the idol’s privacy maybe.. uhhdfjgnn i!!!!!!!!! there’s thoughts and feelings and im just trying to let it out so it makes sense and then i can navigate between it and see what i can do/the right way to talk about it (if it exists)!!

God.. I guess there’s.. no way I can possibly do this?? Considering if I think about it from all sides – I can’t approach it technically, without houses. I literally can’t answer this question, it isn’t about choice because answering this question is directly asking about the houses. So I literally can’t answer correctly. I also can’t – or well, I don’t think the moral issue is ok here when I think further on it. Consequences are inevitable with all posts/production, but optimizing it so that it affects people positively and minimize damage to others is always something to check through. This may not be a good idea, just to do. So maybe not. 

Hhndndhnndf ok,,, gotta,,, write something for the introduction so it makes sense.

Note: I did go through this, edit and write some additional paragraphs to make it make sense. But I hope this? gives you insight or some thoughts to my working process and what I consider/go through when I make these posts as well? Thank u for ur time, I hope it isn’t too disappointing ;;  let me know what u think/how u feel anon I’m sorry I couldn’t do this question but please let me know if you’re ok or not!!!! 💕❤️💕💕❤️💕

[neocab]

Translating the Cyberpunk Future

I'm a video game translator, and I love my job. It's odd work, sometimes stressful, sometimes bewildering, but it always provides interesting and inspiring challenges. Every project brings new words, slang, and cultural trends to discover, but translating also forces me to reflect on language itself. Each job also comes with its own unique set of problems to solve. Some have an exact solution that can be found in grammar or dictionaries, but others require a more... creative approach.

Sometimes, the language we’re translating from uses forms and expressions that simply have no equivalent in the language we’re translating to. To bridge such gaps, a translator must sometimes invent (or circumvent), but most importantly they must understand. Language is ever in flux. It’s an eternal cultural battleground that evolves with the lightning speed of society itself. A single word can hurt a minority, give shape to a new concept, or even win an election. It is humanity’s most powerful weapon, especially in the Internet Age, and I always feel the full weight of responsibility to use it in an informed manner.

One of my go-to ways for explaining the deep complexity of translation is the relationship between gender (masculine and feminine) and grammar. For example, in English this is a simple sentence:

"You are fantastic!"

Pretty basic, right? Easy to translate, no? NOT AT ALL!

Once you render it into a gendered language like Italian, all its facets, its potential meanings, break down like shards.

Sei fantastico! (Singular and masculine)

Sei fantastica! (Singular and feminine)

Siete fantastici! (Plural and masculine)

Siete fantastiche! (Plural and feminine)

If we were translating a movie, selecting the correct translation wouldn't be a big deal. Just like in real life, one look at the speakers would clear out the ambiguity in the English text. Video game translation, however, is a different beast where visual cues or even context is a luxury, especially if a game is still in development. Not only that, but the very nature of many games makes it simply impossible to define clearly who is being addressed in a specific line, even when development has ended. Take an open world title, for example, where characters have whole sets of lines that may be addressed indifferently to single males or females or groups (mixed or not) within a context we don't know and can't control.

In the course of my career as a translator, time and time again this has led into one of the most heated linguistic debates of the past few years: the usage of the they/them pronoun. When I was in grade school, I was taught that they/them acted as the third person plural pronoun, the equivalent of the Italian pronoun "essi." Recently, though, it has established itself as the third person singular neutral, both in written and spoken English. Basically, when we don't know whether we're talking about a he/him or a she/her, we use they/them. In this way, despite the criticism of purists, the English language has brilliantly solved all cases of uncertainty and ambiguity. For instance:

“Somebody forgot their backpack at the party.”

Thanks to the use of the pronoun "their," this sentence does not attribute a specific gender to the person who has forgotten the backpack at the party. It covers all the bases. Smooth, right? Within the LGBT circles, those who don’t recognize themselves in gender binarism have also adopted the use of they/them. Practically speaking, the neutral they/them pronoun is a powerful tool, serving both linguistic accuracy and language inclusiveness. There's just one minor issue: We have no "neutral pronouns" in Italian.

It's quite the opposite, if anything! In our language, gender informs practically everything, from adjectives to verbs. On top of that, masculine is the default gender in case of ambiguity or uncertainty. For instance:

Two male kids > Due bambini

Two female kids > Due bambine

One male kid and one female kid > Due bambini

In the field of translation, this is a major problem that often requires us to find elaborate turns of phrase or different word choices to avoid gender connotations when English maintains ambiguity. As a professional, it’s not only a matter of accuracy but also an aesthetic issue. In a video game, when a character refers to someone using the wrong gender connotation, the illusion of realism is broken. My colleagues and I have been navigating these pitfalls for years as best we can. Have you ever wondered why one of the most common Italian insults in video games is "pezzo di merda"? That's right. "Stronzo" and "bastardo" give a gender connotation, while "pezzo di merda" does not.

A few months ago, together with the Gloc team, I had the pleasure of working on the translation of Neo Cab, a video game set in a not too distant future with a cyberpunk and dystopian backdrop (and, sadly, a very plausible one). The main character is Lina, a cabbie of the "gig economy," who drives for a hypothetical future Uber in a big city during a time of deep social unrest. The story is told mainly through her conversation with the many clients she picks up in her taxi. When the game’s developers gave us the reference materials for our localization, they specified that one of the client characters was "non-binary" and that Lina respectfully uses the neutral "they/them" pronoun when she converses with them.

"Use neutral pronouns or whatever their equivalent is in your language," we were told.

I remember my Skype chat with the rest of the team. What a naive request on the client's part! Neutral pronouns? It would be lovely, but we don't have those in Italian! So what do we do now? The go-to solution in these cases is to use masculine pronouns, but such a workaround would sacrifice part of Lina’s character and the nuance of one of the interactions the game relies on to tell the story. Sad, no? It was the only reasonable choice grammatically-speaking, but also a lazy and ill-inspired one. So what were we to do? Perhaps there was another option...

Faced with losing such an important aspect of Lina’s personality, we decided to forge ahead with a new approach. We had the opportunity to do something different, and we felt like we had to do the character justice. In a game that's completely based on dialogue, such details are crucial. What's more, the game's cyberpunk setting gave us the perfect excuse to experiment and innovate. Language evolves, so why not try to imagine a future where Italian has expanded to include a neutral pronoun in everyday conversations? It might sound a bit weird, sure, but cyberpunk literature has always employed such gimmicks. And rather than take away from a character, we could actually enrich the narrative universe with an act of "world building" instead.

After contacting the developers, who enthusiastically approved of our proposal, we started working on creating a neutral pronoun for our language. But how to go about that was a question in itself. We began by studying essays on the subject, like Alma Sabatini's Raccomandazioni per un uso non sessista della lingua italiana (Recommendations for a non-sexist usage of the Italian language). We also analyzed the solutions currently adopted by some activists, like the use of asterisks, "x," and "u."

Siamo tutt* bellissim*.

Siamo tuttx bellissimx.

Siamo tuttu bellissimu.

I’d seen examples of this on signs before, but it had always seemed to me that asterisks and such were not meant to be a solution, but rather a way to highlight the issue and start a discourse on something that's deeply ingrained in our language. For our cyberpunk future, we wanted a solution that was more readable and pronounceable, so we thought we might use schwa (ə), the mid central vowel sound. What does it sound like? Quite familiar to an English speaker, it's the most common vowel sound. Standard Italian doesn’t have it, but having been separated into smaller countries for most of its history, Italy has an extraordinary variety of regional languages (“dialetti”) and many of them use this sound. We find it in the final "a" of "mammeta" in Neapolitan, for instance (and also in the dialects of Piedmont and Ciociaria, and in several other Romance languages). To pronounce it, with an approximation often seen in other romance languages, an Italian only needs to pretend not to pronounce a word's last vowel.

Schwa was also a perfect choice as a signifier in every possible way. Its central location in phonetics makes it as neutral as possible, and the rolled-over "e" sign "ə" is reminiscent of both a lowercase "a" (the most common feminine ending vowel in Italian) and of an unfinished "o" (the masculine equivalent). The result is:

Siamo tuttə bellissimə.

Not a perfect solution, perhaps, but eminently plausible in a futuristic cyberpunk setting. The player/reader need only look at the context and interactions to figure it out. The fact that we have no "ə" on our keyboards is easily solved with a smartphone system upgrade, and though the pronunciation may be difficult, gender-neutrals wouldn't come up often in spoken language. Indeed, neutral alternatives are most needed in writing, especially in public communication, announcements, and statements. To be extra sure our idea worked as intended and didn't overlook any critical issues, we submitted it to a few LGBT friends, and with their blessing, then sent our translation to the developers.

Fast forward to now, and the game is out. It has some schwas in it, and nobody complained about our proposal for a more inclusive future language. It took us a week to go through half a day's worth of work, but we're happy with the result. Localization is not just translation, it's a creative endeavour, and sometimes it can afford to be somewhat subversive. To sum up the whole affair, I'll let the words of Alma Sabatini wrap things up:

"Language does not simply reflect the society that speaks it, it conditions and limits its thoughts, its imagination, and its social and cultural advancement." — Alma Sabatini

Amen.

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

@astrearl​ I cut the post, so I really don’t know why it was all still there on your blog, but I don’t want to stretch peoples’ dashes with four essays in a row! So, new post then?

tl;dr I think you’ve confusing an ENBY’S perception of THEMSELF for SOCIETY’S perception. Which, when we’re talking about an INDIVIDUAL’S identity and preferences, shouldn’t really matter at all. Society’s not the be-all end-all of right, correct, and true.

Consensus =/= Reality.

What’s wrong with a novel term sounding like gibberish? The term “nonbinary” may be from the last century, but the concept of gender outside of masculinity and femininity has a LOT of history in other societies! I would encourage you to research what it means to be two-spirited and fa'afafine. These words don’t exist in colloquial language, and yet there ARE words for them in OTHER languages.

English is a very lacking language on this one.

But the lack of terminology DOES NOT indicate a lack of validity. Society’s rules are all arbitrary and made up, too. Putting a dress on doesn’t automatically give someone a typical XX-chromosome’d person’s body parts or mannerisms. Believe me, I know a lot of trans people who would be DELIGHTED if that’s the way it worked. But it doesn’t. Because clothes aren’t INHERENTLY gendered, it’s only peoples’ PERCEPTIONS. Heck, even mannerisms aren’t inherently gendered.

That perception is NOT universal.

It’s a matter of a different perception is all. Nonbinary people, in general, don’t perceive a skirt as being Feminine. Like I said: It’s not about the association with gender for ME, PERSONALLY. It’s about the way it flows! I like to feel the fabric fluttering around my legs! Fuck all with femininity; if they were perceived as masculine, I’d wear them just the same.

I don’t know how to explain to you that society’s perception of gender isn’t the same as an individual’s perception of themself. Society’s perception of a tree as tall doesn’t impact the tiny oak sprout that’s just starting out. Society’s perception of pigeons as ugly doesn’t impact my love for them as pets. Society’s perception of my gender doesn’t determine what my gender actually IS.

I think you might be conflating gender roles (what society says belongs in masculine/feminine categories) with an INDIVIDUAL’S gender. Or perhaps, the observer’s schema with the subject’s identity.

An individual’s identity is NOT determined by what the world interprets!

Enbies aren’t delusional. We know that society, at large, doesn’t even accept that nonbinary is an option. We know that the vast statistical majority is going to see a dress, and make an Automatic Schema Assumption that “that individual must be a woman”.

But it doesn’t HAVE to be that way. People can learn! People can become tolerant! They don’t have to understand it; clearly you’re comfortable in your preferences being associated with femininity, but that ASSOCIATION is just YOURS, and YOURS ALONE.

A lot of people making the same assumption doesn’t automatically make it true or correct.

But you know what they say about assuming, right? (Unless “to assume makes an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘me’” is an American one...)

Anyways, that perception is NOT universal! Just because it’s statistically more common doesn’t make it accurate, or any more valid than my own perception of MYSELF. Just because outsiders don’t understand the experience doesn’t make it any less valid. Just because we’re still in the process of developing out own consensus doesn’t mean it isn’t still a real, true expression of who we are. It’s hard to find words for something your language is biased against, you know? That’s why there’s no Official Dictionary. I mean, if you looked in your local library, you might find some of those hard-and-fast definitions you’re looking for. They are going to be from people within the community, though. I don’t know why that’s a bad thing? Just like you’re going to find definitions of two-spirited from Native Americans, and only a Polynesian could tell you what it means to be fa'afafine.

It’s only natural for a community to know its members better than people outside the community! Duh! That’s GUARANTEED. That’s a GIVEN. That’s facts of life! Nobody can talk about what nonbinary means unless you’re actually, you know, nonbinary.

Let me ask you a question: Do you act like you have an English degree? Why or why not? How or how not? Because there isn’t any one way someone with an English degree acts? It’s like that. See, it’s all entirely subjective. Perception is SUBJECTIVE. And that fully includes the perception of the self. It doesn’t HAVE hard-and-fast rules, because you cannot quantify something that can’t be fit on a number line. There are so many factors that go into someone’s Relationship With Gender. But the inclusion of their own thoughts and feelings about themself doesn’t make their experience any less valid.

(As an aside: Note the effortless use of third-person pronouns with nonspecific gender. “They/them” is already entirely valid as a singular third-person pronoun in our colloquial language. People just don’t want to have to think about using it intentionally when they ~assume~ they know someone’s gender. And, you know, people threw fits about “you” being used as a singular second-person pronoun instead of “thou” four centuries ago, and yet, miraculously, somehow /s, I haven’t seen a single person walking around using “thou” colloquially! Could it be because language and perception of words evolves and changes naturally, as a matter of course?)

Someone’s “Gender” is one’s perception of their own relationship to gender. It has nothing to do with presentation or society’s rules, it’s literally ALL perception-- to use your words, “thoughts and feelings”. It’s literally just thoughts and feelings. You can’t evaluate your own experience without thoughts and feelings.

It’d be like asking someone their opinion on the literary merit of Emily Dickenson’s poetry, or their favorite color, and telling them to use society’s answer instead of their own thoughts and feelings. These things AREN’T able to be given hard and fast rules, because there are so many different answers, and so many different ways of perceiving and interacting with the world. And that absolutely, completely includes perception and interaction with gender.

Nonbinary is an umbrella term, my friend, not a diagnosis.  

And if you absolutely MUST have those “scientific” standpoints to understand transgenderism, don’t you know that the very same genomes and squishy brain parts impact an enby’s perception of oneself?

Gender doesn’t come in only two flavors, and I mean in the genetic, scientific way. The various genetic markers that form the parts of the brain that create schemas and perceive oneself can be every bit as varied as the parts that process basic arithmetic. There is no two distinct and separate “male brain” and “female brain”. Every study I know since like 2006 that has tried to prove that was debunked. Neurology’s wild, okay, and anyone who tries to reduce the vast variety of human brains into two categories based only on chromosome shape is desperately lacking information on how those chromosomes affect the brain-- and exactly what areas they DON’T.

tl;dr on that, the brain’s perceptions are formed by THOUGHTS and FEELINGS. Not just sensory input, but how one ANALYZES it and the self-talk they employ. Not by genetic markers, but how an individual experiences the world.

And that VERY MUCH includes the way one interacts with gender. How they connect with it. How they see others’ schemas, analyze them, and determine if they fit their perception of themselves or not.

Just like trans folk, enbies have all the same genome sequences and gray matter that’s making them feel that way.

All I’m trying to tell you is, nb folks get offended because people are Making Assumptions instead of just, you know, taking two and a half seconds to ASK.

And then there’s the issue of telling someone that “I identify as nonbinary, could you please use they/them when you’re talking about me?” And then people don’t respect that.

You can’t expect anything but getting offended if someone makes an outright request like that and people don’t respect it.

You don’t have to understand someone to respect them. I don’t understand how the religion of Islam works, and yet I don’t go around calling Muslims Christians. Because they’re just not the same, and it’s in very poor taste to call someone something they’re not. Particularly if they’ve outright Told You.

Not to mention, ALL the issues society has with Gender Roles and how it feeds into Sexism, but that’s a whole new essay.

[galimatios]

ok. this will be my definitive thread on 4w3. that i will type on my phone. i think the first thing abt type 4s is that theyre characterized by a profound sense of longing / loss, that there is something always just out of reach that they will never have

I believe it starts from childhood, where a person begins to see or feel that they are separate / different from others? both uniquely gifted and uniquely flawed, that a special insight has been given to them but it also separates them from everyone else ... or sometimes it's a unique wound that gives them an understanding of suffering different from others, that others cannot understand, that you yourself are somehow broken or flawed. tho we tend to conceptualize it as uniqueness, sometimes even tow it around like we're special/elite like, am i not more beautiful for my pain? is this not something special? 

we want to be understood but not TOO easily bc that would remove the unique status of our suffering. but rly its a defense mechanism for being unable to cope w the idea we're beyond saving like we were born w something missing and nothing in the world can fix it bc what we want either cannot be named or achieved in a mortal life. tho the Thing rly varies btwn individuals. 

for me it was difficult to pin down, but i think i wanted to preserve feelings id cling to? ive always been attracted to the nostalgic sadness of childhood, and the idea of immortalizing feelings of peace/happiness, bc to me those things have beauty elevated above that of normalcy. i also love abandoned things bc they contain memories i will never truly know 

and the thing that rly separates a 4 from the rest is this romanticism, a kind of need for authenticity and truth thru their entire being. we hate being fake, we hate lying about our identity, we hold onto our pain bc we believe it defines us and it gives shape to who we are. we relate to others thru our own pain and experiences, and bc we are so attuned to our own emotions ppl say 4s are gifted at putting feelings to words and expressing the nuances of emotion. 

i think the wide range of what we feel also leads to us being drawn to unique things like, many things feel emotionally shallow to us and we cannot relate to it, but things that express emotions we dont see often being extremely exciting bc we feel seen, like someone can connect w us in a way we consider important 

i think 4s can tend to come off as like, edgy and brooding bc of these traits but 4s can pick any number of things to reinforce their identity with. when we find something that connects to us, we SINK INTO IT with fuckin claws and dont let go. we claim that thing as ours and try to create an identity using all the things we've claimed.  lots of 4s i know relate to demon imagery bc of this, bc it links to that intrinsic feeling of being broken/wrong and so its easy to be like "oh i must be a demon/monster bc im Wrong" plus it's also a separation from the traditional idea of "good" and it vibes with the whole "misunderstood/apart from others" feeling. we are looking for emotions people are uncomfortable with, claiming them, and desiring the brave to look at us and say they accept us 

anyway what it REALLY is is that 4s are sensitive babies who want to be loved and accepted unconditionally despite how broken they feel. it isnt nearly as deep as they may think

but i personally dont think thats the path of actualization/integration, at least in my experience i think for me, i realized that sense of beauty/whatever tf i was looking for isnt to be found in grand sweeping statements abt life or love, or in some pinnacle of art i can never attain, but in every day simple interactions and regular ass people. may be different for others

NOW. To discuss the 3 wing. 3s are characterized by the worth they put out into the world, in the form of tangible accomplishments and experiences. im not a 3 so i cant speak with accuracy or length, but the 3 will base their worth on the judgement of social standards so you see them trying to gain monetary, academic, occupational success bc those are deemed worthy in the eyes of society. this can change depending on the society ofc but under ~late stage capitalism~ this is where we are. 

so where does a 4 fall into this. i said before the 4 hates faking, so the methodology of some 3s to meld themselves to be the most successful in their environment just doest NOT fucking vibe w the 4. so the 4w3 is kind of a fucky walking contradiction bc we crave uniqueness but also admiration. we dont want to lie abt who we are but we also want people to KNOW and appreciate us. so this manifests in a desire to share our feelings and experiences with an audience, usually within a medium that allows creative expression but it can be anything. 

point is, we want to share. for me, i do it thru creative stuff but moreso just... by talking to people and being emotionally honest and open about what makes me tick, what makes me passionate, trauma, etc, and people respond to that positively like, this is my pain, look at this beautiful thing that came out of it. 

whereas i believe 4w5s are content with keeping things to themselves. 4w3s will shift their image to some degree to fit the context but 4w5s are v much, this is me, take it or leave it bitch. anyway the contrast btwn 4 and 3 wing fucks me up bc being a 4 is already a cosmic joke but its even more hilarious when u put in that wing this is all just conjecture based on my own experience of being 4w3 BUT I HOPE ITS INTERESTING

[juleswolverton-hyde]

The Raven on Poetry & the Flaws of Society

Top o’  the morning, lads and lasses,

As you may or may not know, I study English Language and Culture and am currently taking a course in lyric poetry. This week’s theme is ‘’The Lyric and Society’’ and we mostly discuss how lyric poetry can shape and help society.

Plato was thoroughly against poets, deeming them evil because what they wrote could be taken for the ideal bad (solely meant for God to exact) and thus for truth. In fact, he even went as far as to advocate in his book The Republic all poets should be banished to another city. He basically was like Oliver Cromwell (1599 - 1658, in power in Great Britain in the period 1653-1658). No laughter, no art, no dancing, no poetry.

Nevertheless, as the world eventually evolved to its current high/advanced capitalism state thanks to solipsism, poets have been disregarded often because what they said was too difficult or too convoluted to understand. And how does one protect society from what cannot be comprehended? How does one protect the philosophy one’s own mind is the sole sure thing to exist and thus its vision and experience of the world is true?

Indeed, disregard the written word entirely.

Censor what is said.

Hide the truth.

However, what people fail to see is that poets never say things outright.

I never say things outright.

And for ignorant minds, what cannot be understood is scary. The post-war, new Sublime is terrifying.

Walter Benjamin (1892-1940) described Charles Baudelaire (1821-1867) as ‘’the painter of modern life’’. When looking at the latter’s poem titled ‘Spleen’, it becomes evident in the third stanza that current life is leaning towards a rainy bleak dystopia. No, in fact, it already is one.

‘’(III)

I'm like the king of a rainy country, rich 

but helpless, decrepit though still a young man 

who scorns his fawning tutors, wastes his time 

on dogs and other animals, and has no fun; 

nothing distracts him, neither hawk nor hound nor subjects starving at the palace gate. 

His favorite fool's obscenities fall flat 

—the royal invalid is not amused— 

and ladies in waiting for a princely nod 

no longer dress indecently enough 

 to win a smile from this young skeleton. 

The bed of state becomes a stately tomb. 

The alchemist who brews him gold has failed 

to purge the impure substance from his soul, 

and baths of blood, Rome's legacy recalled 

by certain barons in their failing days,  

are useless to revive this sickly flesh 

through which no blood but brackish Lethe seeps.’’

(Charles Baudelaire, ‘Spleen’)

A flâneur is a gentleman who strolls the streets, observing the elements of daily life which are not openly discussed. They are in communion with the urban environment. The speaker is such a man and shocks the reader by remarking on all that is wrong with the current society. This is what is happening. This is going on outside. Prostitutes, poverty, beggars, starvation. 

This is life.

And by speaking of such matters by putting them in a poetical frame and inflicting such shock, people can unite to create a better future because they get to see the flaws they live with. 

Theodor Adorno (1903 - 1969), a German literary critic associated with The Frankfurt School, had another vision and was of the opinion all poetry is political. Even a piece about a flower growing in the garden is political because the flower is the object and not the modern world in which it grows. By not speaking of society, a protest is made against it. It goes without saying that openly speaking about politics makes a poem political. So, one way or another, all poems are political.

According to him, society and poets alike use the medium of language to convey ideas. Nonetheless, poets are better at bending language and are able to save us from the bleak, helpless and melancholic capitalistic mess society has become after W.W.1 and W.W.2. This they do by portraying a different reality in the hope the public will strive to actually achieve this vision instead of carrying on as they do. The poet will, in any case, and under any circumstances.

A lot of post-war poets have endeavoured to dissect the social structures that have been given meaning by conventions and institutions. A prime example of this is the difference between males and females. What makes a man a man and a woman a woman? 

The essential question was and should still be: ‘’How do I share my experiences but also protest against society?’’

This is how:

1. Expose the limits that imprison citizens

2. Destroy these structures.

This is why The New York School of Poetry and L=A=N-G=U=A=G=E have been influential. The former is incredibly ironic about cosmopolitan life and the latter takes language as we know it and makes it their own, completely disregarding structure.

In a way, I am doing it myself by writing in a Shakespearean fashion. It is not meant for the masses but such is the fate of the work and person of a poet. Pay attention to language and the (broken) meanings of words and you shall see what is wrong.

Why the current society is wrong.

Open your eyes.

The poets are waiting.

[xhxhxhx]

Herman Khan, The Emerging Japanese Superstate (1970):

[The] Japanese are something between the West, with its general Faustian attitudes and concept of "dominion over land and animal," and China, India, and many primitive cultures, which usually try to fit man into the environment in a natural, noncoercive, and nondisturbing manner. The Japanese are somewhat willing to make changes in the environment and to assert their will and fulfill their objectives, but they tend to do so less grossly, less starkly, and with greater moderation, care, and even love for the environment than is characteristic of the root-and- branch restructuring common in Western tradition.

Alex Kerr, Dogs and Demons (2001):

Writers on Japan today mostly concern themselves with its banks and export manufacturing. But in the greater scheme of things, for a wealthy nation does it really matter so much if its GNP drops a few percentage points or the banks falter for a few years? The Tang dynasty poet Du Fu wrote, “Though the nation perishes, the mountains and rivers remain.” Long before Japan had banks, there existed a green archipelago of a thousand islands, where clear mountain springs tumbled over mossy stones and waves crashed along coves and peninsulas lined with fantastic rocks. Such were the themes treasured in haiku, bonsai and flower arrangements, screen paintings, tea ceremony, and Zen – that is, everything that defined Japan's traditional culture. Reverence for the land lies at the very core of Shintoism, the native religion, which holds that Japan's mountains, rivers, and trees are sacred, the dwelling place of gods. So in taking stock of where Japan is today, it is good to set economics aside for a moment and take a look at the land itself.

When we do, we see this: Japan has become arguably the world's ugliest country. To readers who know Japan from tourist brochures that feature Kyoto's temples and Mount Fuji, that may seem a surprising, even preposterous assertion. But those who live or travel here see the reality: the native forest cover has been clear-cut and replaced by industrial cedar, rivers are dammed and the seashore lined with cement, hills have been leveled to provide gravel fill for bays and harbors, mountains are honeycombed with destructive and useless roads, and rural villages have been submerged in a sea of industrial waste.

Similar observations can be made about many other modern nations, of course. But what is happening in Japan far surpasses anything attempted in the rest of the world. We are seeing something genuinely different here. The nation prospers, but the mountains and rivers are in mortal danger, and in their fate lies a story-one that heretofore has been almost entirely passed over by the foreign media.

H. P. Lovecraft, describing a creepy New England hamlet doomed to be the setting for one of his horror stories, would say, “On viewing such a scene, who can resist an unutterable thrill of ghastliness?” For a modern traveler seeking something of that Lovecraftian thrill, nothing would do better than a trip to Japan's countryside.

During the past fifty-five years of its great economic growth, Japan has drastically altered its natural environment in ways that are almost unimaginable to someone who has not traveled here. In the spring of 1996, the Japan Society invited Robert MacNeil, the retired co-anchor of The MacNeil/Lehrer News-Hour, for a month's stay in Japan. Later, in a speech presented at the Japan Society in New York, MacNeil said that he was “confused” about what he saw, “dismayed by the unrelieved banality of the [800-kilometer] stretch from Hiroshima to Tokyo, the formless, brutal, utilitarian jumble, unplanned, with tunnels easier on the eyes.”

Across the nation, men and women are at work reshaping the landscape. Work crews transform tiny streams just a meter across into deep chutes slicing through slabs of concrete ten meters wide and more. Builders of small mountain roads dynamite entire hillsides. Civil engineers channel rivers into U-shaped concrete casings that do away not only with the rivers' banks but with their beds. The River Bureau has dammed or diverted all but three of Japan's 113 major rivers. The contrast with other advanced industrial nations is stark. Aware of the high environmental cost, the United States has decided in principle not to build any more dams, and has even started removing many that the Army Corps of Engineers constructed years ago. Since 1990 more than 70 major dams have fallen across America, and dozens more are scheduled to be dismantled. Meanwhile, Japan's Construction Ministry plans to add 500 new dams to the more than 2,800 that have already been built.

To see at close hand how the construction frenzy affects one small mountain village, let us take a short journey to Iya Valley, a picturesque fastness of canyons and peaks in the center of the southern island of Shikoku. When I bought an old thatch-roofed farmhouse in Iya in 1971, people considered this region so remote that they called it the Tibet of Japan. Villagers subsisted on crops such as buckwheat and tobacco, as well as forestry.

Over the next twenty-five years, young people fled Iya for the prosperous cities, and local agriculture collapsed. With its dramatic landscape and a romantic history going back to the civil wars of the twelfth century, Iya had a golden opportunity to revive its local economy with tourism and resorts in the 1980s. Yet in a pattern that repeats itself in countless regions across Japan, Iya failed to develop this potential. The reason was that the village suddenly found itself awash with cash: money that flowed from building dams and roads, paid for by a national policy to prop up rural economies by subsidizing civil-engineering works. Beginning in the 1960s, a tidal wave of construction money crashed over Iya, sweeping away every other industry. By 1997, my neighbors had all become construction workers.

Most foreigners and even many Japanese harbor a pleasing fantasy of life in the Japanese village. While driving past quaint farmhouses or perusing lovely photographs of rice paddies, it's tempting to imagine what bucolic country life must be: oneness with the seasons, the yearly round of planting and harvesting, and so forth. However, when you actually live in the countryside you soon learn that the uniform of the Japanese farmer is no longer a straw raincoat and a hoe but a hard hat and a cement shovel. In 1972, for example, my neighbor Mrs. Оto farmed tea, potatoes, corn, cucumbers, and mulberry for silkworms. In 2000, her fields lie fallow as she dons her hard hat every day to commute by van to construction sites, where her job is to scrape aluminum molds for concrete used to build retaining walls. In Iya Valley, it makes no sense to ask someone, “What line of work are you in?” Everyone lives off doboku, “construction.”

More than 90 percent of all the money flowing into Iya now comes from road- and dam-building projects funded by the Construction, Transport, and Agriculture ministries. This means that no environmental initiative can possibly make headway, for Iya has become addicted to dams and roads. Stop building them, and Mrs. Оtо and most of the other villagers are out of work. Without the daily pouring of concrete, the village dies.

The most remarkable paradox is that Iya doesn't need these roads and dams; it builds them only because it must spend the construction subsidies or lose the money. After decades of building to no particular purpose, the legacy is visible everywhere, with hardly a single hillside standing free of giant slabs of cement built to prevent “landslide damage,” even though many of these are located miles from any human habitation. Forestry roads honeycomb the mountains, though the forestry industry collapsed thirty years ago. Concrete embankments line Iya River and most of its tributaries, whose beds run dry a large part of the year because of the numerous dams siphoning water to electric power plants. The future? Although traffic is so sparse in Iya that in some places spiderwebs grow across the roads, the prefectural government devoted the 1990s to blasting a highway right through the cliffs lining the upper half of the valley, concreting over the few scenic corners that are left.

If this is what happened to the “Tibet of Japan,” one can well imagine the fate that has befallen more accessible rural areas. To support the construction industry, the government annually pours hundreds of billions of dollars into civil-engineering projects-dams, seashore- and river-erosion control, flood control, road building, and the like. Dozens of government agencies owe their existence solely to thinking up new ways of sculpting the earth. Planned spending on public works for the decade 1995-2005 will come to an astronomical ¥630 trillion (about $6.2 trillion), three to four times more than what the United States, with twenty times the land area and more than double the population, will spend on public construction in the same period. In this respect, Japan has become a huge social-welfare state, channeling hundreds of billions of dollars through public works to low-skilled workers every year.

It is not only the rivers and valleys that have suffered. The seaside reveals the greatest tragedy: by 1993, 55 percent of the entire coast of Japan had been lined with cement slabs and giant concrete tetrapods. An article in a December 1994 issue of the popular weekly Shukan Post illustrated a ravaged coastline in Okinawa, commenting, “The seashore has hardened into concrete, and the scenery of unending gray tetrapods piled on top of one another is what you can see everywhere in Japan. It has changed into something irritating and ordinary. When you look at this seashore, you can't tell whether it is the coast of Shonan, the coast of Chiba, or the coast of Okinawa.”

Tetrapods may be an unfamiliar word to readers who have not visited Japan and seen them lined up by the hundreds along bays and beaches. They look like oversize jacks with four concrete legs, some weighing as much as fifty tons. Tetrapods, which are supposed to retard beach erosion, are big business. So profitable are they to bureaucrats that three different ministries – of Transport, of Agriculture, Forestry, and Fisheries, and of Construction – annually spend ¥500 billion each, sprinkling tetrapods along the coast, like three giants throwing jacks, with the shore as their playing board. These projects are mostly unnecessary or worse than unnecessary. It turns out that wave action on tetrapods wears the sand away faster and causes greater erosion than would be the case if the beaches had been left alone.

It took some decades for this lesson to sink in, but in the 1980s American states, beginning with Maine, began one by one to prohibit the hard stabilization of the shoreline; in 1988, South Carolina mandated not only a halt to new construction but removal of all existing armoring within forty years. In Japan, however, armoring of the seacoasts is increasing. It's a dynamic we shall observe in many different fields: destructive policies put in motion in the 1950s and 1960s are like unstoppable tanks, moving forward regardless of expense, damage, or need. By the end of the century, the 55 percent of shoreline that had been encased in concrete had risen to 60 percent or more. That means hundreds of miles more of shoreline destroyed. Nobody in their right mind can honestly believe that Japan's seacoasts began eroding so fast and so suddenly that the government needed to cement over 60 percent of them. Obviously, something has gone wrong.

[overanalyzing-homestuck]

So, Marvus’ friendsim is interesting because Marvus seems to be aware of timelines, which points to the idea that he’s likely a time player (I’m very tempted to say he’s a Lord of Time), indicating that his sign is either Capries or Caprist depending on whether he’s a prospit or derse dreamer (personally, I’m leaning towards prospit, but I’m doubtful only because that was the sign on his hat in his troll call, which we were told was a trick, but that in of itself could have been a trick)

But I’m not here to classpect Marvus. I’m here to analyze all the time shit he says and make the nonsense he said make sense to all of you.

Long post, so everything is under the cut. rip mobile users

Alright, I can’t do jack shit w/o evidence, so here’s the evidence we’ll be using for this portion of the essay post. I’ll be reviewing two scenes in particular, so buckle up

“Oh well it wasn’t really much fo a stunt, you were just going along with your friend’s ludicrous plan to try to scam him into a friendship under false pretenses. But it was a really bad plan, and your friend was killed on the spot immediately, and now you’re pretty sure you’re cosmically fated to die due to making a non-canonical decision.”

“wat u mean non-canon

“all dis b non-canon fam

“wat can it even mean 2 be non-canonical w/in da context of an inherently extracanonical framework? skeet skeet brrrap!”

“You’re not sure. But you definitely have the sense that some of the decisions within the simulation carry greater values of truth and relevance than others, and that the linear progression of events is rigorously enforced by an obligate narrative flow that privileges those actions which most smoothly facilitate the designs of the story’s architect.”

“sure u can hear dat noize dat way

“but i say u the architeckt of ya own f8!”

Convo w/o Marvus’ quirk bc his quirk is sometimes hard to read:

“Oh well it wasn’t really much fo a stunt, you were just going along with your friend’s ludicrous plan to try to scam him into a friendship under false pretenses. But it was a really bad plan, and your friend was killed on the spot immediately, and now you’re pretty sure you’re cosmically fated to die due to making a non-canonical decision.”

“What do you mean non-canon? All of this is non-canon, fam. What can it even mean to be non-caonical within the context of an inherently extracanonical framework? Skeet skeet brrap!”

“You’re not sure. But you definitely have the sense that some of the decisions within the simulation carry greater values of truth and relevance than others, and that the linear progression of events is rigorously enforced by an obligate narrative flow that privileges those actions which most smoothly facilitate the designs of the story’s architect.”

“Sure you can hear that noise that way, but I say you’re the architect of your own fate!”

So the first scene I wanted to analyze was this one, particularly because of Marvus’ comment on how “all dis b non-canon,” which indicates an awareness that the timeline they are currently in isn’t the alpha timeline, if we consider the alpha timeline as being “canon” and the other timelines to be “non-canon.” The following line adds onto the idea that Marvus is aware that he’s not in the alpha timeline, but in a more meta way, and we know this because of his description of “extracanonical.”

Extracanonical: being outside the body of officially accepted writings: not included in a list of authorized books specifically: being outside a canon of books held to be sacred an extracanonical writing.

This essentially describes what Hiveswap Friendsim as a game-a non-canonical work that is outside the “alpha timeline” of Homestuck and Hiveswap. In other words, everything that happens in Hiveswap Friendsim, even the “correct” timelines, are all, ultimately, offshoot timelines that are doomed. MC even mentions it themselves:

“But now, for some reason, you have a hunch that you’re near the ened of your Alternian travels.”

This, of course, is true. There are only two friendsims left-only five more trolls to meet, and I have a feeling that all the timelines are going to be cleaned up by the end-with the implication being that everyone is going to die, and it’s going to be official that the entirety of Hiveswap Friendsim is a doomed timeline, so none of your choices matter in the end anyway because it doesn’t affect the main timeline at all.

But... that’s not what it’s really about, is it? A large theme in Homestuck is the idea that your choices matter regardless of whether or not you’re part of the alpha timeline because what you do works towards making the alpha timeline happen, and this same theme is being reflected in what Marvus says: “u the architeckt of ya own f8!”

But, this also sounds familiar. Who else talked about fate in a doomed timeline?

Boldir.

In response to MC asking if she truly believes in fate, and believes that fate brought the two of them together, she says “that would imply that none of our choices matter, and that causality is inevitable,” which is a line more indicative of the fact that causality is inevitable for those whose deaths are required for the alpha timeline and those whose deaths happen because they don’t belong to the alpha timeline.

But, then, Boldir follows up that statement with “but that disregards our choices. fate dictates that all possibilities are, by their very nature, necessities.” The necessities part is important-it’s what I spoke about earlier, isn’t it? That doomed timelines are required to help the alpha timeline on their journey?

What’s interesting here is how different Marvus and Boldir’s thoughts about fate are. They both have similar viewpoints, but the way they’re phrased offers them different meanings that may give us a good viewpoint on how Muses and Lords (If Marvus is a Lord) see fate differently due to their, respectively, passive or active nature.

Boldir finds fate to be something that dictates all that is necessary-a more passive viewpoint, with everything that happens in alternate timelimes indirectly affecting the alpha timeline.

Marvus finds fate to be something you control-a more active viewpoint, with everything that happens being the result of your own actions.

But that’s enough of that. Let’s go onto the next scene:

“depending on how u look at it evry branch in the timeline b fundamental 2 da metatextual structure of da essence of existence itself

“even an incident dat faliz outside a the strict confines of canonical continuity contributez 2 a metaconsciousness dat b built by & could even b said 2 b at its most essential level defined primarily by the extratextual xxxchange of interpretation by those who observe it

“each path a tranzlucent fragment dat via mirrorin or distortin or magnifyin certain aspectz of the ‘ultimate reality’ foldz itself invisibly into da fabric of dat reality

“itzelf immeasurable & intangible but da space it once occupied indelible

“da observation of irreality can still inform how reality iz 2 b interpreted even if dat irreality doesnt satisfy even a cursory standard of legitimacy

“and the act of contravening continuity can in itself provide definition to dat very integrity it defilez

“even if watz goin down here cant b said 2 b ‘true’ dat doesnt mean we r meaningless”

Also this monologue w/o the quirk: “Depending on how you look at it, every branch in the timeline is fundamental to the metatextual structure of the essence of existence itself. Even an incident that falls outside of the strict confines of canonical continuity contributes to a metaconsciousness that is built by and could even be said to be at its most essential level defined primarily by the extratextual exchange of interpretation by those who observe it. Each path a translucent fragment that via mirroring or distorting or magnifying certain aspects of the ‘ultimate reality’ folds itself invisibly into the fabric of that reality, itself immeasurable and intangible but the space it once occupied indelible. The observation of irreality can still inform how reality is to be interpreted even if that irreality doesn’t satisfy even a cursory standard of legitimacy, and the act of contravening continuity can in itself provide definition to that very integrity it defiles (defines?). Even if what is going down here can’t be said to be ‘true,’ that doesn’t mean we are meaningless.”

To put this monologue simply, it’s the same thing Boldir said-that all possibilities and timelines are necessary to the continuation and implementation of the alpha timeline.

To go into more detail, each timeline that occurs has a specific job to do. Marvus describes it as “mirrorin or distortin or magnifying certain aspects of the ‘ultimate reality,’” which means that each timeline serves a purpose to enhance and understand a certain part of the alpha timeline or a certain fundamental theme of the alpha timeline.

This actually might be a kind of mockery of those who claim the game doesn’t matter and is just silly because it’s not actually canon, but the game does serve a purpose, and that’s to learn about all the trolls on the troll call. These friendsims serve as a way to understand not only the trolls, but also the society they live in, and possibly how that society is controlled and manipulated by outside forces in order to achieve a certain goal (but this is a topic that would be better supported by Fozzer’s route, a theory which is kind of addressed here)

Ultimately, the friendsims serve as a way for us to understand how Alternian society shapes and oppresses trolls in order to make an environment where the Homestuck Alternian trolls can have a chance to beat SGRUB.

Anyway, that’s my two cents. Send me asks or tag me in stuff if you’re interested in this sort of thing or have your own two cents to add or feel like I missed anything. I’d be happy to here from y’all!

[ebthecelebrity]

When We Changed the “er” to “a”, Did It Really Matter?

The windows were down, the music blasting and we were just vibing!  The bond between a son and mom is just unexplainable. We shared the same taste in music and undoubtedly he was fly.  I mean, he’s MY son.  This was the norm. Music was our life.  If I was not playing “The Groove” or “The Joint” on Sirius Radio, I was blasting Trap Music.  I had been listening to Trap Music with my son since he was in my womb.  Something about trap music ignited this aggressive proudness in a black person’s soul.  Being BLACK in AMERIKKA was dangerous as fuck, but it was a privilege.  Yes, a privilege.  We held hundreds of years in struggle within our bloodline with skin of beautiful, melanated gold.  Our African countries embodied deep, majestic culture with gorgeous diamonds and exotic landscape.  Our fashion, our music, our infamous shea butters and braided crowns…..our full lips, our bushy afros and soulful cuisine……our ebony eyes, our thick, shapely bodies…..being Black had always been a privilege as I learned we were the original Kings and Queens.

We’re in the car, speeding down highway 485 and the trap drums hit our soul.   I immediately turned the volume up and snapped my fingers.  The feeling is unexplainable.  My son is in the backseat turnt all the way up.  I imagined how Corporate America blasted trap music before heading to work in the am, spiritual beings blasted trap music while saging their homes, and lovers blasted trap music after smoking a blunt together and fucking like animals.  Trap music was essential to Black Culture.  It was essential to American Culture honestly. My 7-year-old son starts reciting the lyrics in the back seat.  I’m impressed with his performance skills.  He was so damn smart that he knew when to NOT curse.  He would strategically pause at any curse word and continue rapping flawlessly.  I watched him from the rearview mirror and nodded my head in agreement.  

“Met all these niggas, they sweeter than Sadie”

My mouth dropped.  He said niggas.  The fact that he knew all the socially offensive profanity to avoid but NOT “niggas” was a little confusing. Or was it confusing? I instantly scolded him to not use the word in fear that he would use it at the wrong time and place. Like school. I didn’t have the time nor energy to explain to his teachers that “nigga” is a word majority of the black community used in our vocabulary around friends and family. I didn’t want to explain how he could have easily picked this up in our music or in our movies.  Hell, it could have easily been me too.  

How is this word historically offensive to society but not to Black America? Simple. We turned a negative, degrading word used to dehumanize us since the very beginning of our existence in America to a positive, uplifting one to acknowledge each other in our own unique way, like Ebonics. Is it positive? Is it uplifting? Hmmm if you are black, you can be the judge but I thought heavily about this on the rest of the ride home.  We definitely changed the game and dropped the “er” and added that “a” to compensate, but does the hurt and pain truly go away by using this word that every white person who is a lover of trap music says secretly anyway?  

I am quick to say “nigga” in a lot of scenarios.  When a good friend that I haven’t spoke to in a while calls, I sometimes answer the phone with a smile on my face “What’s up nigga?” When that black coworker who I’ve bonded with brings me breakfast or some free food from a meeting provided that day, I may say, “My nigga, thank you!”  When I talk about how in love I am with my man to my best friend, I call him “My nigga.”  When I’m joking with my Uncle and I mention family members, I call them “niggas.”  When I’m at an amazing party and the vibe is right, I just may say I had a good time with “them niggas.”  This word gets used almost daily.  This same word that is supposed to enrich the black race as we’ve changed the last two letters, I also use when I’m angry.  Niggas can be used in a negative connotation at any given moment. I can call someone a “bitch nigga”, “dumb nigga”, “stupid nigga”…. the list goes on and the jargon is heavy in trap music.  

So I started thinking about how to possibly even turn the word around completely for the new generation of our children. I thought about my son who was extremely intelligent, opposite of the definition of “nigger”. Did I really want him to be labeled as a “nigga” for the rest of his life from other niggas? Not really. I remember hearing about the word “Negus.” Actually at 35 years of life, I was first introduced to the word negus last year.  Upon doing my research, NEGUS is a noun derived from the Ethiopian Semitic root, meaning, “to reign.”  This in my opinion was so important to educate myself on, as I wanted to start changing my vocabulary for myself and for my seed.  I am a true believer in the power of the tongue and aimed to speak positivity in all aspects of life. The word was shockingly close to the sound of the word Nigger/Nigga, yet had a more influential and positive meaning than the other two.  Pronounced “Neh-Goose”The word had been used Biblically and in other literature to represent “King” or “Emperor.”  Our First Christian King of the World was in 320 AD and his name was King Negus Ezana. Nigist = Queen.  

WHY haven’t we used this amongst each other was mind-boggling! I continued to do more research on this Powerful and Historic word, to realize that many rappers felt the same way I did.  Kendrick Lamar and Public Enemy’s Chuck D have been urging other rappers to start the movement.  If you listen to Kendrick Lamar’s “i” off his album, “To Pimp a Butterfly” you will see that he has been woke and trying to educate us.

“Well, this is my explanation straight from Ethiopia/N-E-G-U-S definition: royalty; King royalty – wait listen/N-E-G-U-S description: Black emperor, King, ruler, now let me finish/The history books overlook the word and hide it/America tried to make it to a house divided/The homies don’t recognize we been using it wrong/So I’ma break it down and put my game in a song/N-E-G-U-S, say it with me/Or say no more/Black stars can come and get me.” ~ Kendrick Lamar

Knowledge is Power.  Please educate yourself Neguses and Nigists.  We are worth so much more.  Let’s change the narrative.  

[onequalityduck]

i know it’s been a few weeks but that reply to the post you made about sanitizing queer sexuality in media where you failed to understand the OP and told them to just “say you want people to fuck more in media” was truly so stupid and dismissive of you. why are you like this

Ansjakhcjeoanja yea it was a few weeks! Omg had to look way back for me to see it.

Hmmm, dunno if u really want my answer, I mean like I’m not really important lol nobody follows me nor do I post any shit, hell you may never see this, but I’ll explain my answer bc I love to talk lol. Also because this is like a super important topic. The topic of who gets allocated the measly amount of representation we get!

See, my problem with the tweet is that it mixes romance and sexuality, and I think the tweet itself is sanitized. Yeah, I actually agree with op, apart from the pitting gays against each other, like that just causes infighting. Lets call it what it is; we gays want to see our community represented outside the hand-holdy, puritanical blink-and-you-miss-it kiss that shapes most gay representation, especially lesbians. Lesbians ONLY get more-than-friends vibes and we all know why, it’s not to make ace people happy that nobody’s fucking in their media. It’s to make straight people happy that they can just pretend to bypass the fact that they are lesbians, and can just pretend they’re good friends.

There’s a reason why Gomez and Morticia Addams have a marriage like they do, it’s because to our American society explicitly desiring your partner is not normal. I believe normalizing desire, especially between gay people, can also make things better for the ace community because the straights are just so obsessed with hiding sex away that maybe they’ll stop hiding it in EVERYTHING. Like why does a chocolate ad need to have a naked woman fr.

But also like, let’s normalize saying the word sex! Say the word fuck! Say you want a woman to kiss another woman down her neck and tell her how fuckable she is outside of porn!! I guess I’m not really expecting much from a tweet that can only be so many characters, but every comment on the post is kinda dancing around that too. You say you want to normalize sexuality then fucking say it! But then also don’t forget who made you this way. It aint old gays who want to see more old gays being domestic, it ain’t baby gays still uncomfortable seeing their own sexuality, and it aint the ace community. That’s the community I know either the op tweet was targeting or certainly the comments on it but like. It aint them doing it. This is the work of puritanical patriarchical homophobic views by the straights who view all of us as vile and sick and perverted. They and the system that perpetuates this is sanitizing our media, and infighting ain’t gonna stop it. It’s going to help it, that’s what they do, try to polarize us so we cant support each other and fight against them like tale as old as time bud.

So, like, acknowledge everyone is trying to fight their own fight to be seen in their media, say you personally want the gays to fuck (aka be less sanitized), and move on.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to explain my stance! I agree, my original comment on it was hard to understand but lol what can ya do with character limits? Lol i totally said you gotta word your shit right and then I go do the same so like, I’mma take that comment down bc obv if it’s making people mad then I didn’t explain myself well. Hopefully I explained it better now!

[aakezia]

Blog Post #5

1. In regards to online racism in what ways does Identity Tourism expand beyond racism using avatars?

To continue a question posed in class, identity tourism can also constitute Youtube and the creation of videos like ‘Sh*t girls say’ , ‘Sh*t black girls say’, “Sh*t White Girls Say to Black Girls” and others alike that portray different races and genders in a way to represent the other race. This is because it is essentially when people online take on an identity that is not their own. In these videos they may even change their voices and speech pattern to perpetuate the stereotypes they experience personally from the group they are imitating.

2. What is Negative Interpellation and Mis-Interpellation and how are they present in society?

Interpellation itself means getting our sense of identity from how we respond to the ways others implicitly categorize us through public speech and gestures (109, Senft). On the flip side there is negative interpellation which is feeling uncomfortably noticed and made visible (109, Senft). This happens all the time with strangers or just when someone doesn't know or remember your name then refer to u as “hey you!”. Mis-Interpellation on the other hand is when we understand ourselves as everybody then we are later addressed in a way that reassures we are not (109, Senft). An example of this in society is online when the famous fighter who loved to play Halo 2 began to use the headset to speak to his teammates and as soon as they heard his voice they exclaimed hey its an ‘N’ word on our team, he was interpellated as an “N” word and then was no longer a part of ‘everyone’.

3. Why do people find ‘parody’ videos pertaining to race to be funny?

As described in the reading by philosopher Joshua Shaw these videos make people laugh because they help them to feel superior to others (117, Senft). Also they display unexpectedness, weirdness and many times include incongruity which are the twists in video that make them go viral and lastly these videos give a relief in socially tense environments (117, Senft).

4.  What does my avatar/bitmoji and handle say about me?

Firstly, on the platforms that I use, I always use my real name mostly because my name is unique enough not to already have been used and I feel as though I like to adhere to my ‘ought’ and ‘actual’ self like described in the recent reading. As for my Bitmoji I chose the skin tone that I think best suits me in reality which is dark usually the shade before the very dark shade, however if this were not Bitmoji and I had to create an avatar where the shades were not as diverse, I would always choose the darkest shade possible because it more so accurately represents my true color. Also discussed in “Avatars in Social Media: Balancing accuracy, playfulness and embodied messages” the facial expression/features that I went for was one that I thought best fit me like the little dimple lines and specifically the eye shape which I made bigger to give me this look of being a welcoming and jovial individual which I think best describes my personality.

Senft, Theresa and Jeremy Hunsinger. 2015. The Social Media Handbook. New York and London: Routledge.

[jawnkeets]

hello sorry to disturb you lovely person but i was wondering if you had some advices to have a better literary analysis, or a better culture well, i mean how can i improve my literary intelligence basically ? ( it may not be really clear but i hope you'll understand because i feel like i'm lost... )

hello anon! no need to be sorry, ur not disturbing me at all :+) feel free 2 send an ask at any time ✨✨✨

i’ll attempt to answer this by splitting ur ask into 2 parts. first i’ll try to give some tips on literary analysis, and then i’ll try to talk about the sort of wider awareness of lit (or the culture as you call it).

a little disclaimer: pls bear in mind that i am by no means qualified to speak about this in any way (i still very much consider myself a learner). i’ve generally been left alone throughout my education to do my own thing, which is a good thing in some respects and a bad thing in others; i don’t have the solid foundations that most ppl do, never following things like paragraph structures throughout lower school, and i didn’t know a thing about metre until the start of this month. however, because of my education i think i’ve managed to avoid a few conventional pitfalls. so, in short, you can take as much or as little of this advice as you like!

PART 1: literary analysis

• an excellent way to boost your analysis straight away, dull as it is, is to learn some literary devices beyond, say, alliteration and personification. being able to spot things like chiasmus and epiphora not only wows an examiner, but also enables you to talk about more things within a poem/ book/ play and thus broadens your literary scope in close reading.• remember that for each literary device you mention you should say what it REVEALS (DO NOT just list!!!). the best essays move from a literary device to an explanation of why this device is used - what does it reveal about a character, the speaker, or even the society that the poet or author was writing in?• rhythm and meter in a poem tick boxes in an exam, but can also lead to insightful analysis. how do the rhythm and meter add to the overall message of the poem? does, for example, the metre give a regularity to the poem? why might this be? is it broken at any point? how is this significant?• the above can be applied to rhyme scheme, too. look out for rhyming couplets at the end of a poem, which may give a sense of finality to the poem (or may seem to give a sense of finality when in actuality the speaker of the poem is far from decisive…).• it is important to remember that a particular rhyme scheme (or metre) doesn’t ALWAYS mean anything; it can mean different things in different poems, so instead of applying a ready-made formula, try to go into the exam knowing how to identify these aspects of a poem and then try to work out why you think the poet has used them in that particular poem. flexibility is key, which can be daunting but also somewhat liberating.• i personally find a ‘scribble method’ quite useful. this is where, when first approaching a piece of writing, you write down everything that comes into your head, regardless of how messy, or how basic. you then sort through your ideas, expanding upon what you think is worthwhile and discarding what you think is not. this method is generally more handy when not under time pressure, though, as it can get you into a muddle in the exam.• start simple and build up. it can be tempting to jump straight in but sometimes when you start simply new things can reveal themselves as you work your way up into more complex ideas! • perspective is extremely useful to consider. who is speaking and why? are they biased or objective? who are they speaking to and why?

unseen exam tips

• in an exam, i would approach a poetry or prose extract first by simply reading it, and trying to find out what it is about. then i would go through and highlight words/ phrases of interest, and label literary devices. finally, i would go through it again and build the main analysis. a brief paragraph plan can be useful before writing the essay.• acronyms can help sometimes as a go-to in an exam when you don’t have much time. for example, i use CFTTSOL - content (basic story, characters, who is speaking and why etc) form (poetry, prose, drama etc), tense (past/ present etc), tone (happy, sad, why? is the tone at odds with the subject matter? in emily dickinson’s ‘because i could not stop for death’, for example, the poem is about something dark but it is very jolly), structure/ syntax (rhyme, caesura, enjambment, any disrupted syntax, etc) other (anything not mentioned in the rest of the categories) and language (similes, metaphors, assonance, etc). i would recommend finding one that works for YOU and makes sense for YOU, because creating your own can really help to ease you into analysis.

PART 2: literary awareness

• read, read, read! i cannot stress the importance of wider reading enough, and also the importance of thinking whilst you read (making notes/ annotating books whilst you read is advisable). i am speaking from experience here - i didn’t read outside of the curriculum at all until the end of last year, and since i have started my literary analysis has increased tenfold. this is partly because practice is vital, but also because wider reading gave me an awareness that i could never have expected to gain. it enabled me to start making links between texts, genres, periods, etc – i began to see patterns and conventions in literature. for instance, a poem that breaks convention is easier to spot and talk about – to use a very basic example, a sonnet (usually a form of love poetry) about brutality/ violence toys with genre. if you had read some of shakespeare’s sonnets, you could then compare the violent poem with sonnet 18, to elucidate your point. this isn’t to say that you didn’t already know that sonnets were love poems, or that you wouldn’t have picked up on this without wider reading. but having read sonnets outside of class means that you can talk about this with greater clarity, authority and confidence.• i would also advise you to push yourself with the literary material you explore. it is difficult, but try to find nothing intimidating - read thick victorian novels, read modernist authors, read kant if you want, and even if the prospect of reading ‘harder’ texts doesn’t thrill you then try them anyway - you may be pleasantly surprised! part of the difficulty of studying this subject is that preconceived ideas can erect barriers and put you off. it is important to totally bulldoze these barriers and remind yourself that nothing is above you, and that you are capable. that’s not at all to say that you can’t read ‘simpler’ texts, and of course it is probably wise to admit to yourself when you perhaps need a greater literary background before you tackle a text (for example, i tried joyce’s ulysses, a modernist text full of allusion, when i have a barely working knowledge of greek mythology, and i admitted to myself that though it would not be impossible for me to read it, i would like to read more widely and then return to it in the future).• w i k i p e d i a. it’s often sniffed at but honestly don’t be afraid of using it! it’s an excellent way to absorb info fast. also don’t be ashamed of using websites like sparknotes if you don’t understand a poem to begin with! u shouldn’t rely on them for the crux of your analysis but they can be helpful to get started!• it’s perhaps obvious, but it helps to remind yourself that literature isn’t just fiction - try to read some critical essays if you can, and look at philosophy, history, psychology etc and how they relate to literature as studied in school. this is actually wayyyy more fun than it sounds (!) and will improve your general literary knowledge.• tumblr, whilst being a killer procrastination station, can also really help to broaden your knowledge. reblogged quotes from famous writers often stick around in your memory, and period moodboards can help you get a sense of different ages and help you to visualise what you’re studying. it’s also great to be in a community of passionate people - the passion of others on this site has definitely rubbed off on me!• make it relevant!! all of these texts and literary movements have shaped our society profoundly. as overdramatic as it sounds, look for the romanticism in a house party, or existentialism in internet memes, or hamlet in yourself. legacies are all around us, and seeing the world in this way can really bring literature to life.

literature is a subject where you get out what you put in. it’s relatively straightforward, if you work hard, to get very good grades in lit; if this is what you want, then having a solid knowledge of metre and literary terms, being able to spot them in texts, and then being able to describe what this reveals can get you top marks. but, in my opinion, to develop true literary intelligence you really have to let the subject permeate every aspect of your life. this is a subject where you really can take risks, be original and unique, and explore a huge amount of periods and ideas. if you see it reflected in the world around you, and think deeply and thoughtfully about everything you are reading, then the classwork honestly sorts itself out.

i hope this has been useful in some way and that it answers ur ask adequately!! if u have any further questions or require clarification please do not hesitate to let me know. i hope u have a wonderful day 💘

[nekoabi]

ALL 65

*cracks thumbs* Let’s do this!

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? Nah - I think… This question is hurting my brain…

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?Probably like a 1.25, so like a lil but not a lot.

3. The person you would never want to meet?The person who is to kill me, probs

4. What is your favorite word?Lousy is a nice word to say

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?Crab Apple Tree, because it is described as having an “irregular, rounded shape”

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?Ughhh… why am I awake so early…

7. What shirt are you wearing?My “All Hail the Glowcloud” shirt from the most recent WTNV tour

8. What do you label yourself as?Edgy

9. Bright room or dark room?Dark Room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?Thinking about sending my mum a birthday message, and talking with @illisienthar

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?Actually, my current age, 21 - I’m actually kinda enjoying life a little more

12. Who told you they loved you last?@illisienthar, I think

13. Your worst enemy?This one guy who I cannot stand the voice of and just his general demeanour gets on my last freaking nerve… also he was a racist piece of shit one time and he makes me uncomfortable… 

14. What is your current desktop picture?This gorgeous piece of artwork by ryky

15. Do you like someone?I mean, yeah… I kinda always do…

16. The last song you listened to?But It’s Better If You Do - Panic! At The Disco

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?Um… can I do a cop-out and say the next person who is about to die so that way I’m not really fully responsible for their death as they were about to die that second anyway????

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?Nigel Farage… but then that would mean a) getting near him and b) touching his person. I’ll go with… @seventhdisaster instead ;)

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?@seventhdisaster and he would do anything i told him to!

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)My hair, 100%, no thought needed lmao

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?Short, ginger, long hair, slight chub - I’d probably freak out and be like “what why”

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?I mean, I can fit my fist in my mouth? Does that count? #mypartytrick

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?I guess I’m pretty unique in that I’m seemingly afraid of almost everything… Whoops?

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.White Bread, Ketchup, Sliced Turkey Meat, Ready Salted Crisps. Boom. Sounds gross to some, fucking delicious m8s.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?Probably on stuff to make cosplay since I’m really in that mood rn.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?Australia, so I can see my good friend @alreadyentendu

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?Ummm… well, I don’t drink to the point of barely knowing anything about alcohol. If I could make a deal to get a lifetime supply of Irn Bru, then that would be my choice.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? #nodeathallowed

29. What is your favorite expletive?fuck - its so versatile 

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?Laptop. Easy question.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?Oh boy, probably my horrendous experience singing at the local Waitrose back in year 11 where I fucking forgot all the words, forgot the entire song, had classmates all around me - both in the group that were singing and working at the store, and also my cousin around to hear it all… Ughhh, still can’t listen to What’s This? without dying inside…

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!Probs Norway, it’s really pretty and I really like it there (plz take me in @seventhdisaster @t2norway)

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?Am I heartless for wanting to pick my cat over my grandma? I would go with grandma tho, would make my dad very happy

34. What was your last dream about?Uhhh… the last one I can remember was a friend and myself being chased by police, me hiding in a house that i apparently lived in, being caught in there by my “mother” and being kicked out, sneaking back into the house, getting caught and being hidden by a “brother” and then being caught AGAIN by “mother”. Then the police come and search the room (for some reason) and they are expecting to find something incriminating about myself and find a drawer that is splattered with red paint or something and they think it’s blood and i try to prove my innocence and stuff, ends with me waking up in tears… I forgot some details, but you get the gist

35. Are you a good….showman?LMAOOOOO NOPE, at least I don’t think so… I can be alright once I get used to it, but most of the time I’m p. bad (excluding when i’m being a showman to hide how i really feel inside)

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?Not really “admitted”, but I did have to go in for a blood test once and that was horrendous

37. Have you ever built a snowman?Yeah, once… it wasn’t the prettiest, but it was fun!

38. What is the color of your socks?WHO NEEDS SOCKS?! but usually they’re multicoloured/patterned

39. What type of music do you like?I guess Alternative/Emo/Goth is the best label for it, anything that’s kinda heavy is good for me

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?Sunsets

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?I don’t like milkshakes… or milk in general… I know, I’m a freak

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)What’s a sport? 

43. Do you have any scars?I have a scar near the tip of my index finger where I cut myself with safety scissors during Sports Day once.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?Working with live Sound for performances or Stage Management, or propping

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?Probably be thinner without having to work for it

46. Are you reliable?I’d like to think I am, I do what I say I am going to most of the time - and usually a lil early, if I can

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?Am I still with The Internet Support Group?

48. Do you hold grudges?I can do, but it’s all relative and I do try to give people second chances - but I am likely to not forget what they did…

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?A Fox Cat!

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?Possibly discussions about death that I have with a fair amount of people

51. Are you a good liar?Probably… I’ve not been caught yet

52. How long could you go without talking?I’ve been a full day or so without talking before, and I could probably do longer - I’m gonna put myself at like 3 days, maybe

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?My fringe with the middle parting… Ughhhh

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?Once or twice in Cooking class.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?Haaaaaaaaa accents are not my thing at all!

56. What do you like on your toast?Nutella

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?A heart

58. What would be you dream car?One that works!!

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.I sing in the shower when I am alone in the house. As for unusual habits, I’ve been told it’s weird that I don’t face the shower.

60. Do you believe in aliens?Well, yeah… 

61. Do you often read your horoscope?When I see it, I’ll do it for a laugh

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?Ys are fun to write

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?Dragons! The crazy things that you can come up with for them, ahh! I love it!

64. What do you think about babies?Can be cute from a distance, not about to have any of my own!

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. How u doin?I’m doing alright, had a decent day overall

[shanewatsonfan-blog]

Producers be cautious: the way to stay to inform the story influencer fatigue

Influencer advertising and advertising isn't always any doubt, one of the best equipment in every digital advertising and marketing campaign. But, due to the developing kind of influencers surfacing on one-of-a-type social media systems, the overall performance of influencer advertising and marketing and advertising and marketing and marketing is at the verge of fluctuating down. Influencers task the denotation of the word ‘movie huge call’ and make the advertisers and businesses to reconsider whom and wherein to spend their cash. In recent times, it appears that simply absolutely everyone with big enthusiasts on social media can be an ‘influencer.’

Brands be careful-a manner to stay on influencer

The in no way-finishing quest to create unique contents pushes the manufacturers to make investments carefully in influencers Digital Marketing Company in Delhi . And, in doing so, comes a few specific query: what does it propose to the future of influencer advertising and advertising and marketing and marketing? Due to the reality the virtual marketing society becomes more saturated, producers and customers become extra vulnerable to influencer fatigue.

Whilst the influencers aren't influencing

Influencer fatigue is already visible and obvious. At the same time as you scroll down via your feeds each morning, you could see it. The war the diverse kim kardashians of the world, who are paid generously to tweet about beauty products and the a good deal lots less-famous personalities who send loose merchandise for assessment have end up stiffer each day. For that reason, the warfare of promotional contents starts. In step with mediakix, influencer fatigue is not surprising in any respect. The not unusual of a monthly look for influencer advertising grows 5 times while you recall that 2015. It'll boom from 500 to 2,400 everyday with u. S. Google searches. Inside the past, it would take years to pursue an influencer and release a marketing and advertising campaign. Years later, it’s now not the tale. Manner to the immoderate systems that be part of the brands and their net website online proper away to definitely one of a kind influencers. And, campaigns now launch in best a be counted of weeks. It doesn’t paintings well because of the reality customers start to distinguish the actual influencers from the faux ones and feature lots to mention approximately them. Take the instance of the tongue-in-cheek trolling influencers of sprite. It created heated arguments and furious feedback. It comes right in the center of an unpleasant advertising marketing campaign that capabilities lil yachty, a hip-hop influencer.”

The domino effect

The real influencers set up their private producers thru showing or discussing their values and ideals and sticking to them. At the same time as those influencers select out out to promote it services or products that don’t replicate their values, their goal market will disengage. The equal trouble takes area to brands and the influencers they fee. It’s easy to inform. It lessens the fee of the brand and the influencer as properly. What’s more troubling is the fact that platforms for 0. 33-birthday celebration influencer fail to offer correct reporting metrics like best, accumulate and target marketplace. Some even lack the capability to determine specific influencers in vicinity of hobby segments. Suffice to mention; it’s hard to assume how green the ones influencer campaigns are for each components of the coin. It is particularly rampant to the influencers who rate extra than the real rate and those with no longer probably attitudes which may be gaining ground-breaking traction.

The treatment

The agency is beginning to lose its private touch because of the deliver and speak to for of influencers at an alarming scale Best Seo Company in Delhi . The repercussion inside the course of fake influencers is not that an prolonged manner in the back of, and types must put together for it. It’s crucial for manufacturers to take into account that there aren't any shortcuts nearly about authenticity. Unforgettable logo connections seem while clients enjoy actual interactions, specially in the virtual society. Irrespective of how famous or present day-day-day the influencer advertising and marketing and advertising and marketing is, producers don’t need to appearance some distance to look their precise recollections. And now and again, brands don’t even need influencers to tell their tales. The unswerving fans of the logo will happily percent reviews approximately the goods or services if handled nicely and get the same respects that influencers-for-lease get. But, real fanatics of the brand will join on a far more proper diploma. If manufacturers recognize this detail, they’ll have a better chance of triumphing the intention marketplace and harvesting benefits from exceptional engagements. Some component you select to do, don’t hire an influencer for the sake of doing it for advertising.

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[jewel021]

[Translated] The Current Truth of Mainland China in My Viewpoint

The Current Truth of Mainland China in My Viewpoint - Maybe Worse than Your Thought Please help to spread around. Please help to spread around. Due to my current situation, I may delete the original article any time. I am a college dropout from Mainland China. When I was a kid, I was bullied frequently due to my small physical size. As a result, I became sympathetic to the weak ones. Every time, when I see that the majority finds reasons to destroy minorities’s dignity, I always stand by with the weak sides. I was a loner when I grew up without many friends. This gave me a lot of time to read and think. One day, when I was in the college, I read Yang Xianhui and George Orwell’s books. My heart ached with anger and sorrow and fell into deep fears. The contents of those books had happened and would continue happening. I fear that they will further sensor and monitor into people’s thoughts and minds. If there is only one voice allowed, that voice basically only tells lies. Therefore, I always keep my mind sober and rational as long as there are sensors and monitors around. I feel sorry for my parents because I am from a poor family in a village. I was accepted into a prestigious university but dropped out. I have not yet told my family and do not know what to do. I plan to study one more year and retake the college entrance exam. I hope to go to abroad in the future. I have limited writing abilities, and my writing style is vulgar. I only try to justify what happen. Let me talk about the current situation in Mainland. 1: Indecency from diplomacy to the public broadcasting and from the top to the bottom. The statements of spokesperson from Foreign Ministry during the last Chairman’s regime were standardized and repetitive but still sounded diplomatic. During the current regime, the diplomatic style is changed to rude and unreasonable, even bitchy. The new style is appreciated and encouraged within the internal management, and the ones with the most fierce remarks were promoted the quickest. In general, the statements, which were recommended by the CCP (Chinese Communist Party) controlled media and were praised by the Little PInky [1], were indecent, at least, very unprofessional. For instance, the spokesperson called out certain countries, "troublemaker" and openly stated "live with it." They often rephrased their behaviors as "angrily rebuke" and "diss." They praised bitches, scoundrels, and racketeers as their ideological idols in their massive propaganda statements. If you randomly visited any website from the Mainland, the first thing you saw would be: "Dear Chairman Xi Cares the Poor." The next headlines would be: "Fai Ching [2] from Hong Kong Blocked Tourists Going Back Home", "The Americans Scare Pissing Themselves and Beg to Stop Trade War", etc.. I was too lazy to make screenshots. Believe it or not. Just go ahead to look around those popular Simplified Chinese websites, such as Hao123.com, NetEase, etc. These information was all real. They turned the patriotism into indecency. No wonder there is a saying, "Patriotism is the last shelter for hooligans." For instance, a bandit raped, stole, robbed, and committed all manners of crimes in a village. When the Japanese came, the bandit shouted out, "I am a Chinese man!" He fought the Japanese in the name of patriotism. Then, all his crimes were forgiven, and he became a hero instead of a villain, whom the villagers used to hate.[3] Nowadays, I do not know how many people like this bandit are under the disguise of patriotism. Those who shouted online, "Beat U.S. and kick Japan," may actually be loan sharks and pimps in real life. I met several of them like this in real life, including corrupted governmental officials. Those corrupted governmental officials made the most radical comments in WeChat Moments.[4] Not only the people are indencent, but also their behaviors are immoral. They believe that the patriotism has the highest moral value. If that is so, why do they act like extremely vicious mobs? They assaulted, smashed, robbed, killed, and eventually harmed their fellow citizens. Patriotism should be influencing others by persuasion, not threats. They used very malicious languages and behaviors to attack others, including smashing a Japanese brand car owner's head by using a metal U-shaped lock. Does anyone actually believe that the car owner would become more patriotic after receiving this evil attack? Besides, the car owner was labelled "unpatriotic" by them! A few days ago, I watched a video featuring some Northeasterners cursed Hong Kongers using foul languages and dirty words acted like a mob of hooligans, and they shouted, "You, Motherfucker, Hong Kong belongs to China." They also threatened to beat up some people. Those Northeasterners did not even understand why Hong Kongers protested. Nobody will be sincerely convinced by being attacked by foul languages and threats. The Mainland's internet was full of people acted like members of Boxer Rebellion [5], and those people claimed to wipe out whoever advocates Hong Kong independence. Those wolf warriors [6] in the name of patriotism from the Mainland to overseas behaved violently and filthily. Who actually disgraced Chinese people? One of the most notorious wolf warriors was the one, who a CCTV journalist, Kong LinLin, committed assault in the UK Conservative Party Convention 2018. Apparently, some other aggressive international students from Mainland acted like Kong and used some similar behaviors to grab people's attention online in the name of patriotism in order to get a good job or get promotions when they go back to the Mainland. 2. CCP kidnaps China CCP claims the ownership of everything in China. Anyone attacking the government is labeled as unpatriotic. Anyone disagreeing with Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) is labeled as ass-licking foreign dog. Anyone believing that stinky tofu is unhealthy is labeled as feeling superior of eating foreign junk fast food. Anybody, who is detested by CCP, will be called out by CCP: "Disgrace to China and Chinese people." CCP has perfected their ways of doing this method lately. In the past year, many people, groups, organizations have been called out. They created a false sense, which everyone outside of the Mainland was alienating and attacking China and its people, and they did nothing else for China and its people for an entire year. Nobody can even clarify anything was untrue on the news or in the social media or other discussion forum online. People are unable to post any opposition opnion online without being attacked by the little pinky or the wolf warriors. Even if the opposite opinion was not posted on the front page, they will still manage to dig out the post and curse the commentator. There will be at least a few dozens of people attacking the commentator, and the commentator's message box will be full of verbal attacks as well. As a result, the post will be censored and deleted by the website. This kind of scenario happens more on Bilibili. In the past few decades, CCP successfully established a bottom line for every Chinese as solely and wholly maintaining the nation's sovereignty. However, hatefully, CCP specifically mixed up the concepts of CCP or party, nation, and government. Therefore, anybody, who is against the CCP's interests, will be labeled as the advocates for independence of Hong Kong, Taiwan, Uygur region, etc. Let me give you an example why the CCP is wrong to mix up the concepts. Kuo Ming Tang (KMT) used to say to take back the Mainland. What if we reverse the CCP's notorious slogan, "Take back Taiwan"? Let KMT have the Mainland. I don't think they will reject the offer. Hence, in this scenario, Taiwan and the Mainland were still the same sovereign nation. So the problem is not about maintaining a nation's sovereignty rather than who rules the nation. As I stated in my previous texts, when maintaining the nation's sovereignty becomes everybody's bottom line, Chinese will react with rage towards anybody, who is labelled as separatist. This method is time-tested and proved useful, and the CCP keeps reusing over and over. 3. About 70 to 80 millions employees under the government's payroll. [8] The regime basically ties every citizen's livelihood into the same boat as theirs. More and more people take the governmental employee entrance exam every year. It doesn't mean that government employees have bigger paychecks than the rest of the society, but in fact, the government employees have good benefits, including paid maternity leave. [9] A benefit like this is very rare in the private sectors. Plus, working for the government is less stressful compared to working in the private sectors. The largest employer in the Mainland is the CCP and its controlled government. The reason for the CCP and the government to be the best employer in China is that they controlled every resource in the society. The CCP's controls are everything, but the people cannot feel the CCP's existence in their daily life, because the CCP is everywhere like the air which people breath in and they integrate into every corner in the society and people's daily life. People use to surround by air, so they will not pay attention to the air. When people walk on a street and see a wall, but people do not question why the wall is there, because they unconsciously recognize the existence of the wall by default. For instance, one of my relatives asked me, "Have you joined the party?" I replied, "Which party?" Then, he stared at me as I was a retarded person. On July 1, someone reminded me that was the Party's Day today. I asked, "Which party?" The person replied, "Of course, the CCP!" I responded, "Why wouldn't people and the media say the holiday is the CCP's Day instead of the Party's Day?" This is exactly like I stated previously. People have unconsciously recognized solely, perpetual, and lawful existence of the CCP by default. This is not based on fear, because people are used to it. People do not question the CCP nor sense anything wrong with it. People do not aware its integration into their daily life. Its supervision and control are like the gravity. It is always there and unsurprising. This is the reality of the mindset of the majority of the Mainlanders. 4. Most of the contents of the CCP come from the mid-age people between 50 and 60. Most of the young people are the CCP's defenders. I am merely stating my observation and not encouraging people to believe if there is any good in the CCP. The mid-age people were harmed the most by the CCP, so many of them were actually anti-communists. However, they barely express their viewpoint online and rarely pass their political view to the next generation. Next, I am going to write about the differences in the political views in the younger generations. For those were born in the 80s and dislike the CCP, they had emigrated to other countries or regions already. For those staying behind, they have a family and own properties (condos) in the Mainland. They are very cautious and never reveal their true political views. They sometimes take things as they are and immerse themselves into the "wisdom" of only serving self-interest. Moreover, they will not be the main force standing with the pro-democracy movement because they are no longer young. Those CCP's supporters and the CCP do not realize that the 80s group disgruntles the CCP the most among all other age groups. The millennials have the most little pinky within this age group. I do not know how many people in this age group actually read the news or receive information outside of CCP controlled media or social media. I feel pessimistic about what I witnessed. For instance, My high school classmate, Rhee, was from a prominent family. His father was a deputy director of Bureau of Land and Resources (BLR), and his mother was also in the leadership of the government. His family accumulates their wealth not merely based on his parents's salaries. His family bought 2 additional properties in Shanghai, where they did not reside. When Rhee studied abroad, he called other international students from Hong Kong names. He also tore up Hong Konger's posters on the pro-democracy movement. Moreover, he obstructed the Hong Konger's peaceful protests and demonstrations. I do not believe that those were the correct way to express one's disagreement. I believe that people persuade the opposite party by reasoning and logics. People should always defend for everyone's freedom of speech, even if they do not agree with that person. People should not simply silence the voice from an opposition party. Rhee sent the video quarrelling with the Hong Kongers to a group chat with his high school classmates. Other people in the group chat clapped and cheered praising him as "a real man" and "a good patriotic young man". They also scolded the Hong Kongers severely. Nobody ever thought about how Rhee's parents were able to pay his tuition when he studied abroad. Nobody questioned whose right was infringed when Rhee's father signed over some rights of some public resources at work. Nobody thought about this, but jubilated and complimented Rhee. He did not tear up for filming video and seeking attention, but he really believed that his actions were patriotic. The millennials aboard are like Rhee anti-democracy and support building firewall on the internet to decouple the Simplified Chinese to the rest of the world. A few days ago, I went to a prestigious university in Shanghai to look for a former classmate of mine. I overheard something when I was eating with my classmate. It was a conversation among a few fine-looking students regarding the current situation in Hong Kong. I heard clearly from one of the students, "This was all the US stirred up the fire. Those Hong Kong separists should be executed." I was too angry to eat. I was in rage, but felt pessimistic because those students were from top-ranking universities in the Mainland. They may study abroad one day. Why would they think like this? I did not understand. 5. Little pinky is disgusted. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [1] Little Pinky, a group of people [2] Fai Ching, the teenagers or young adults, who are useless and have something wrong in their mind behaving aggressively. Also, means negatively as a combination of jerk, asshole, and idiot. [3] Author's reference was related to Japan's invasion to China. For more information, you may find on other scholar's historical articles or archvies. [4] WeChat Moments: WeChat is the most popular social networking app among Chinese speaking people. WeChat Moment is very similar to Facebook or Instagram, which those two are banned in Mainland China. For more information, you may find the information online. The Translator of this article, Jewel, does not recommend to install this app to your device or link or cellphone number to it. [5] Boxer Rebellion: [6] Wolf Warriors: [7] Bilibili: [8] 4% - 5% of the population based on the official data, which could be false. [9] Mantatory paid maternity leave: ================= To Be Continued