#tzeentch's secretary

[tzeentchs-secretary]

Kyete hopped up out of the shadows. All 1.62 meters of her shape and half moon glasses did not cower nor flinch before the Primarch consumed by the rage of injustice. "Oh Angron darling." She huffed sympathetically "Roboute is in no physical state to come and kill you. He'd keel over before you'd even warmed up!"

Hopping up onto the titan of a man and neatly perching on his wrist she takes the shards of bone and sacrifices a feather made of powdered gems to fuse the bone plate back together. "What Roboute is trying to tell you is that he'll guarantee that there will be no more tyrants. No more emperors who make child generals. Those that bring about suffering will be destroyed and made to pay for their actions."

"Now, would you like me to put you in time out for a few hundred years or are you happy to continue raging around on this plane of eternal war? I could try to do something about your nails if you'd like? I am not nearly as clumsy and unknowledgeable as all those that tried before." She winks conspiringly and adjusts her glasses.

Angron is offered the shattered remains of one of The Emperor's knee caps. It looks distinctly like an oversized power fist inflicted the damage.

The gigantic beast that once called itself human never wanted to see his brother again, not after what had happened the last time they met. When they crossed blades, the creature called 'Angron' forfeited his humanity, and in doing so, ensured that he'd be a slave till the end of time itself. he had never wanted to see his brother again, until he learned that brother was the key to ending his miserable existence. The Lord of Ultramar carried the Emperor's Sword, the one thing that could end his eternity. Oh, to thrust that blade through both his hearts, to know the warm embrace on nonexistence. He had come before Roboute for his final fight. But instead, instead of true, permanent, and painless death, he received a few measly shards of bone. "What is this? Do you mean to insult me?!"

@tired-space-politician

[greentrickster]

Do you possibly have an AO3 I could subscribe to? Your writing and ideas are just to precious and lovely to be lost in Tumblr's ever changing sand dunes.

(I especially like your masterful trope subversion and trope understanding of Villainess & Sunshine. Your execution of the idea and related snippets of world building are exquisite.)

^///^ Yeeee~ thank-you so much! <3 <3 <3 As it happens, I do! And I even have the majority of Beloathed and Darling catalogued there (with links and credit to the people who wrote additions that are included in that 'fic', of course). I have a mixture of formal fics and archived AUs organized for easier reading posted there.

I also have a Kofi account where I've posted a few pieces of original fiction, poetry, and auto-bio stuff (donations appreciated, but all the writing is available for free in the posts section). Sadly I'm not adding any more pieces there at the moment because freaking immoral AI scrapers, but I've left up everything I posted prior to the AI nightmare we're all currently weathering. -_-***

Thanks for the ask!

[i-scan-your-poems]

I know limericks are possibly not the most interesting in terms of meter, but would you like it if you were occasionally sent a few?

Yeah, they're not the most interesting, but if you see a good one feel free to send it to me! While we're on the topic, if you like limericks I must recommend my fellow poetry gimmick-blogger @limerickshere, who has even written a limerick explaining the metrical structure of limericks.

[athenafire]

Dibs 🫵🩷

send me a ‘dibs’ if you are ridiculously attached to me as an rp partner

//Same to you!! How long have we been hanging out now? Better part of a decade now at least.

[phoenixtakaramono]

Take your time, there is no rush, I am glad you share your wonderful works of fiction with us.

Thank you, I really appreciate the patience and encouragement! <3

[tzeentchs-secretary]

Hey so I'm here to schedule a meeting with tzeentch. Tried to call, but the operator just screeched at me that I'd die in two days before he then said I already died, so I decided to come in person.

Kyete Uralan, the long suffering secretary and technically weakest prince of Tzeentch, heaved a long suffering sigh without looking up from her desk. "I do hope you realize that the call line is intended to misdirect the Ordero Hereticus or whatever nonsense that segment of the Inquisition calls themselves this iteration of the great game. It also serves as a redirectory for failed summonings in the material plane." Her voice akin to the dry whisper of fine sandpaper over steel, glass constantly cracking and shattering whenever her pitch and tone changed.

Her office was by no means small, more akin to clinical depiction of how a nightmare and panic attack might shape the world to look: featureless floor, no doors or windows, book shelves filled with neatly organised documentation of every kind known to existence stretching up into a ceiling too far away for any sense to perceive, and all of the furniture dramatically oversized. The size was not meant to be inhabited by anything that once could have been considered mortal. The numb silence and sourceless bright white light eradicating any and all shadows. And yet, various little obsidian bird skulls possessed by an eerie blue glow flitted around the titanic desk, punching holes into pages via laser beam, adding some strange life to this place outside of time.

The bird demon of no more than 1.60 meters finally looked up, finished with whatever tome like ring binder she had been adding to. "For extra-universal meeting requests with any of the chaos gods you'd have attempt to summon some higher ranking deamon of theirs, haggle with their princes, or fill out document batch M-R-Ex-U-009 to meet Tzeentch specifically. However," with an intoned flick of the wrist an appropriate sized chair came swooping in from a portal she had opened and promptly shut, scooping the wizard closer to be more eye-to-eye "since you have either the luck, ability, or misfortune to have made it to my office without being registered as hostile, have not gone insane via wandering the labyrinth to find me, and otherwise have braved an impenetrable vortex of a Warp storm seated in one of the most hostile parts of real space..." she paused to add a little tension to her dry delivery "I can accelerate the matter. When and for how long do you intend on meeting with my boss? Furthermore, do you have the appropriate protections to stay fundamentally stable in the presence of one extremely board god?"

[wayward40k]

Send me a ✅ for mun to talk about what's currently going on in one of my verses!

Send me a ✅ for mun to talk about what's currently going on in one of my verses!

I don't really have a lot in the way of AUs going at the moment, to be honest! The curse of all the ideas, not enough time/energy, I guess…

So let's see… in one RP bubble, we've got Alethea dealing with the fallout of Lord Inquisitor Gors finding out she's a perpetual. He decided to kidnap and interrogate her, wanting to make sure the apparent immortality wasn't due to Chaos or corruption or something, y'know, heretical. But after many months of torture, she was found by allies and rescued and Gors got himself kidnapped and murdered in return. And now she's under orders to find out where said Inquisitor has disappeared to! Good times all around~

[violent138]

— rules: go here and make a poll with your top 10 most listened-to artists (long term!) and let your followers choose which one they like the most

got tagged by @chepib3

tagging: @diedialectic @bittersweetstargazer @kryptonbabe @butcherlarry @batfambrainrotbeloved @aceofdivinechlorophyll

@fenrir-wolf-of-gotham @tzeentchs-secretary-tea-time (apologies to anyone that got double tagged, and anyone that'd like to play is welcome to!)

Fun fact I do not in fact have spotify so if these choices are weird it's because I used my phone's playlist lol

[cherrybudgie]

---------------------------------------------------

Hello~ @tzeentchs-secretary-tea-time

I can offer you another very similar video without the cute music, which I hope you will enjoy because the birds are really loud in this one. As they were also in the previous one but I don't have it anymore. 🥺🙏🏻

[thehamwarrior]

omg I got tagged twice it's Christmas

tagged by @sklent and @growlyghost

10 Characters, 10 Fandoms

RULES: List your ten favourite characters from ten seperate fandoms then tag ten people!

1. Adam Smasher from Cyberpunk

2. Spamton from Deltarune

3. Magnus the Red from Warhammer 40k

4. Tezzeret from Magic the Gathering

5. Yoshimitsu from Soul Calibur

6. Joshua Graham from Fallout New Vegas

7. Golbez from Final Fantasy IV

8. Nemesis from Resident Evil 3

9. Ingo from Pokémon

10. Venom from Marvel

--

Here's the ladies I like, yall welcome, let's go around again.

1. Medusa (also Gorgon) from Fate

2. Toriel from Undertale (I know deltarune is on here, they different, hush)

3. Tali from Mass Effect

4. Karlach from Baldur's Gate 3

5. Midna from Legend of Zelda

6. Mileena from Mortal Kombat

7. Nott from Critical Role

8. Android 21 from Dragon Ball

9. Integra from Hellsing

10. Baiken from Guilty Gear

TURNS OUT A LOT OF MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS OVERLAP AND THIS WAS HARD, WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF?

Alright if you want to do this, feel free to do so!

@tzeentchs-secretary-tea-time, @not-quite-humann, @brightfiction, @fuukonomiko, and uhhh....it turns out I don't know that many people ;u;

[tagedeszorns]

I love the fact that you exist. Please be aware of this. Keep doing whatever you want to do. It sparks so much joy when I see your stuff on my dash

Isn't Tzeentch's Secretary kind of the opposite/natural enemy of Marie Kondo? Like, sparking joy through the most cluttered, the most infuriatingly complex spaces to live and work in? 😁

I bet there are selfhelp-holovid-shows on the topic of "how to effectively hoard more books you absolutely may need someday" directed to a very specific audience.

I am very happy about your kind words and it is very motivating that my audience may be small, but has a very clear, friendly opinion! Thank you for being here and being vocal! 😊

And now back to today's episode of "Making a mess with Tzeentch's Secretary". This time we're talking about how many magic encyclopaedias you really need. The answer will amaze you. And make you annex another planet. Sorry, I don't make the rules.

[robot-roadtrip-rants]

Extremely serious Ultramarines question

Who is the Karen Smith of the chapter? I've already got a Gretchen Wieners and a Regina George. @tzeentchs-secretary-tea-time, @wolf-tail, I'm calling on you in particular because you're the ones encouraging me in my bullshit. @ladymirdan, you're completely innocent but you're also the resident expert, your wisdom would be deeply appreciated.

For inspiration:

[thousandbuns]

I had an idea how to "solve" the issue of "40K media invoking Abaddon all willy-nilly in the dumbest of contexts", like DoW2: Retribution having Abaddon micromanage Eliphas' grudge-campaign against Blood Ravens (a small, battered chapter of relative nobodies in an equally insignificant corner of the galaxy) or "Soul Hunter" and the plotline about Abaddon and the billionth Sorcerer on his payroll both getting very sweaty about bringing in one specific Night Lord (who does have some clout and historical significance... for Night Lords, maybe*, and whose divination gift is only "impressive" and "special" because ADB says so**):

Warp-based automatic secretary.

It works like this: you grab some Sorcerers skilled in illusion and mind-reading, put them in what's essentially a magic call-center, and whenever some two-bit nobody warlord tries to dial you up and pester you about the hundredth "this is blatantly my personal issue and frankly a gross misuse of Black Legion's resources" campaign, you just have the warlocks conjure up a convincing enough illusion of yourself acting deeply invested in all that nonsense and pressuring the commander to act fast and efficient. Meanwhile your accounting and logistics division assign the bare minimum of armor, weaponry and supplies to that fleet and only notify you if Azkul the Deprecated's Individual Hangups Jaunt goes over the budget, just so you're aware of this loss in the grand scheme of things. Your subordinates will most likely schedule an extra supply raid to make up for it anyway.

That way none of those losers are directly tugging at your sleeve and you don't have to worry that their dumb little escapades will put a dent in your pocket. Your undivided attention can remain on plotting how to deal with Indomitus Crusade and sliding into Huron Blackheart's DMs to call him a smelly upstart bitch.

*) Based on the fact that Ruven had no qualms about jumping ship over to the Black Legion even before Talos was there, how fractured Night Lords are, and how Talos is specifically one of the few people who sincerely cares about whatever disjointed nonsense passes for Curze's philosophy and legacy? I'd say bringing him over to BL isn't that important and it's just Ruven trying to resolve his personal grudges with Legion's resources. Much like Eliphas.

**) Like yeah, sure, you have your fortune-telling epilepsy, Talos, shame that Abby can just walk down the street and hit on that one ex-Thousand Son Corvidae who can see the future without having to go into fits for 72 hours, or consult one of many daemon oracles or even greater daemons. He can probably stage a ritual to dial up Kairos the fucking Fateweaver and have his Sorcerer covens try to decipher whatever nonsense it spewed at them. There's even a good chance Tzeentch won't purposefully muddle the visions too much because Abby is the Gods' Chosen Loser and he deserves a treat from time to time.

[marcusmettalus]

@tzeentchs-secretary-tea-time

Have a friend.

grey go-away bird

(photos by loot eksteen)

[athenafire]

send 🖤 and my character will answer about yours. (@tired-space-politician )

Send 🖤 and my character will answer about yours. [Accepting]

attractiveness:

repulsive / hideous / ugly / not attractive / unappealing / not unattractive / meh / no preference / ok / mildly attractive / nice looking / cute / adorable / attractive / pleasant on the eyes / good looking / hot / sexy / beautiful / gorgeous / hot damn / would tap that / perfect / godlike / holy fuck there are no words.

personality:

grating / irritating / frustrating / boring / confusing at best / awkward / unreasonable / psychotic / disturbing / interesting / engaging / affectionate / aggressive / ambitious / anxious / artistic / bad tempered / bossy / charismatic / appealing / unappealing / creative / courageous / dependable / unreliable / unpredictable / predictable / devious / dim / extroverted / introverted / egotistical / gregarious / fabulous / impulsive / intelligent / sympathetic / talkative / up beat / peaceful / calming / badass / flexible.

how likely they would have sex with them:

not if they were the last person on earth and the world was ending / fuck no! / never / no way / not likely / not sure / indifferent / I’m asexual / maybe / probably / it depends / fairly likely / likely / yeah sure / yes / would tap that / hell yes / fuck yes! / wishing that could happen right now / as many times as possible / we are already having sex.

level of friendship:

never in a million years / worst of enemies / enemies / rivals / indifferent / neutral / acquaintance / friendly toward each other / casual friends / friends / good friends / best friends / fuck buddies / bosom buddies / practically the same person / would die for them / true friends / my only friend.

first impression of them:

i hate them so much / i don’t like them / i don’t trust them / they annoy me / they’re weird / I’m indifferent / meh / they seem alright / they’re growing on me / truce / I think I like them / I like them / I’m not sure if I trust them / I trust them / they’re cool / they’re genuine / I think we’re going to get along / I really like them / I think I’m in love / oh fuck they’re hot / I love them.

current impression of them:

i hate them so much / i don’t like them / i don’t trust them / they annoy me / they’re weird / I’m indifferent / meh / they seem alright / they’re growing on me / truce / I think I like them / I like them / I’m not sure if I trust them / I trust them / they’re cool / they’re genuine / I think we’re going to get along / I really like them / I think I’m in love / oh fuck they’re hot / I love them.

[phoenixtakaramono]

Happy Birthday! Congratulations on surviving another 365 days! May you find success in your future endeavours and good luck in all things that matter to you!

Thank you so much! 🤲🎉 Wishing you all the best at your side of the world!