#ty for this context it truly makes it better and also is fully optional context

[noiselessbuck]

@howldean

[whoree321]

the bad batch + what romance/rom com movies they watch with you

each of the bad batch x gn!reader

ok first and foremost i really truly believe to the pits of my soul that every single one of these fuckos loves romances and you cannot under any circumstances change my mind

ALSO it’s a gender neutral reader except kinda in echo’s theres like a very brief quote regarding breasts but like i still think even that is pretty gender neutral tbh

so anyway

Hunter: Pretty Woman

this is not the first time that i have publicly declared that i think hunter has a deep rooted connection to the movie pretty woman and it will not be the last

first of all this movie is incredibly soothing to hunters overwhelming savior complex

second of all hunter is literally richard gere (debonaire but emotionally distant gentleman that learns to love) and julia roberts (hooker with a heart of gold) at the same time

he was a little skeptical the first time you put it on but he instantly fell in love with it

the humor, the sensuality, the class divide, the glamour, the unconventional cinderella story of it all. it just really butters his bread

after the first time, when you suggest watching a movie and you pick this one he’ll act very aloof about it (“whatever you want cyar’ika, it doesn’t matter to me”) but secretly he’s really really happy bc it’s one of his favorites (you def know this and def pick it more often)

he absolutely hates the scene when stucky the lawyer hits vivian. like it doesn’t matter how many times he watches it he will fully turn his head away from the screen and say “I don’t like this part” and when it’s over he nuzzles a little closer into you and very tenderly kisses your forehead

he loves the soundtrack too. like he fully exposes how much he likes the movie when you catch him singing or humming “pretty woman” or “it must have been love” absently to himself (you kept it to yourself for a while but eventually you just had to tease him about it. he just smiled a little sheepishly and admitted he liked the songs before promptly changing the subject)

hunter also lowkey definitely wants to recreate the ending where richard gere shows up to her apartment in the white limo with you bc he thinks it’s such a sweet gesture and he wants to treat you like royalty

Crosshair: 10 Things I Hate About You

if there’s one thing about crosshair it’s that he’s a sucker for the enemies to lovers genre

maybe its just him projecting (spoiler alert it most certainly is) but he really enjoys watching the drama conflama of a miserable bastard be tricked into love

and really that’s the true essence of 10 Things I Hate About You

he will grumble and bitch and moan about not wanting to watch a ‘chick flick’ when you put it on, but 15 minutes in and he’s hooked

he has strong negative opinions on literally every single character except for kat and patrick

(crosshair really really wants to think he’s patrick but when it comes down to it he is katarina stratford in every single possible way)

he doesn’t say a word throughout the entire movie but you can tell when he’s annoyed at like bianca or cameron or joey bc he will openly scoff at them

will absolutely hum along in your ear during the “can’t take my eyes off you” scene and make out with you during the paintball scene

(seriously he wants to be patrick verona so bad)

when it’s over and you ask him what he thought he’ll roll his eyes and say “i guess it could have been worse” but his little smirk let’s you know he enjoyed it a lot more than he’s willing to admit

Tech: 50 Shades of Grey

ok hear me out on this one

tech is a huge movie talker. like subtitles are a non-negotiable if you wanna be able to take in any of the movies dialogue bc tech is most likely gonna make commentary over it the whole time

this makes him absolutely indescribably so much fun to watch bad/corny movies with

he will go off about EVERYTHING. the plot, the dialogue, the acting, the costuming, the music, the production quality. nothing and no one is safe. whether you just enjoy letting him talk at you or you join in on the roast, cheesy movies are a hoot between you two

and honey. 50 shades is one of THE cheesiest movies ever

you and tech will literally spend the entire duration of the movie tearing it to shreds

and the thing is tech is a very sarcastic, funny guy when he wants to be (and when it comes to you he definitely wants to be) so by the end of it he will have you in absolute stitches from laughing at the ridiculousness of both the movie and him

with any of the other batchers watching a movie like this either turns into a shy, slightly awkward experience (wrecker, echo) or an incorrigibly horny experience (crosshair, hunter)

but in this context tech literally has no shame or squeamishness about sexual things (why should he it’s a natural biological process?) so to yall the sex stuff is just another thing to roast

literally christian grey could be fully tying dakota johnson down and flogging her and tech will be like “in the last 3 minutes they have panned up to her nipples 4 times. this is criminally shoddy cinematography”

even tho he’s busy giving a detailed play by play critique, he never fails to keep some sort of physical contact with you (wrapping an arm around you and running his hand up and down your skin, playing with your fingers or your hair) so you know he’s enjoying spending this time with you despite his nasty words about the movie

also 1000% after you watch it tech will do extensive research on the ins and outs of bdsm and will have lots of hypotheses he wants to test out (as long as you’re willing and able ofc) ;)))

Wrecker: 13 Going On 30

of all the bad batch members, wrecker is the only one who unabashedly loves any movie that could be considered a chick flick

like he doesn’t even try to hide it or act like he’s too masculine for it. he loves romance and he’s proud of it

this man will have full marathons with you. rom coms, regular roms, tragic roms, hallmark roms, you name it and he’s game

his absolute favorite tho is 13 Going On 30

i feel like he has a huge soft spot for childhood best friends to lovers stories like he finds that type of lifelong partnership so endearing (and he loves to live vicariously through jenna since that type of romance was obviously never an option for him)

wrecker is also very childlike at heart and i think the idea of a 13 year old sweetheart trapped inside the body of a 30 year old cut throat magazine exec is so amusing to him (and maybe makes him feel just a little bit represented in the media)

he is definitely the type to completely engulf you in a cuddle for the entirety of the movie and he DEFINITELY cries into your shoulder at matty’s wedding when jenna is crying on the stoop with her dream house

he wants to try razzles so bad. like so bad. i think if he ever came across them somewhere he would barter at least one of his brothers for them

wrecker really just loves love and watching movies about it just reminds him of how lucky he is to have his own love story with you <3

Echo: The Princess Bride

i feel like it’s glaringly obvious why echo loves this movie

pirates. sword fighting. decades long revenge plots. the value of an honorable, loyal man. true love that never wavers even in the face of devastating tragedy and the darkest of hardships. clever but goofy humor.

echo considers this an action/adventure movie and NOT a romance movie (even tho it 100% totally is a romance movie) and requests to watch it very frequently

he can quote the whole thing. i’m seriously telling you echo loves the princess bride with his whole chest

even tho he refuses to admit it’s a love story above all else, he really does try to model himself in your relationship after wesley

like especially given what happened at the citadel and all the time you thought he was dead, the cinematic parellels are alive and present in y’alls relationship and he strives to be even half the man to you that wesley is to buttercup

literally in your day to day life he will sometimes respond to your requests with a smooth “as you wish ;)” (it doesn’t matter how many times he does it it still gives you butterflies)

when you watch the movie, he snuggles as close to you as possible and does his best to make youre comfy the whole time (he’s insecure about his prosthetics hurting you no matter how much you reassure him they don’t)

he just loves to be able to feel your heartbeat and your laugh when you giggle at the funny bits

every single time without fail at the part when buttercup is about to stab herself he leans down, ghosts his lips against the shell of your ear, and whispers the line in time with wesley: “there’s a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. it would be a pity to damage yours”

every single time without fail you wind up making out until he pulls away and tells you to watch the next part when wesley challenges humperdinck to a duel to the pain

echo just loves you to bits and wants you to know he’d endure a thousand fire swamps for you

Omega: Clueless

i have this really specific obsession with omega being a total girly girl and having very traditionally feminine interests as she keeps experiencing the universe and being exposed to a spectrum of gender expression beyond clone (masc and boring) and kaminoan (ugly)

so with that headcanon of her in mind, it’s vital to me that she sees clueless as soon as possible

clueless is an essential piece of media for a girl entering adolescence and i will die on this hill

it has literally everything you want and everything you need to develop into a well-rounded young woman

it’s so deliciously 90s and glamorama and valley girl humor and camp. its got meaningful female friendships and valuable life lessons and paul mf rudd

if there’s one thing you should encourage a burgeoning hetero teen girl to do, it’s to stick to dating guys like paul rudd in clueless. the earlier this message can be broadcast the better

the second you’re able to steal omega away from hunters watchful eyes (“hunter we’re just gonna watch finding nemo i swear!”) you show her this movie

at this point omega is not really a girly girl, but omega also has absolutely zero feminine influence in her life

the first time she sees clueless she is absolutely obsessed. like seriously she is so enamoured with the glitz and glam of cher horowitz

she asks you questions the entire time. she wants to know about EVERYTHING. the makeup, the clothes, the hair, the slang

(she definitely goes around saying stuff like “i’m totally bugging” for long enough afterwards that almost all of the boys have slipped up at least once with some ridiculous valley girl slang. you thought you were gonna die of laughter when you overheard tech say “as if!” to wrecker in the middle of an argument)

it just really introduces her to this whole world of femininity that she didn’t even know existed and she absolutely loves it

she makes you watch clueless with her seriously once a week at minimum. she begs you to style her hair like tai’s and you can’t help yourself when you happen to run across a little yellow plaid dress and buy it for her on sight

(hunter was gonna scold you for recklessly spending credits until he saw how omega almost cried from how happy she was for the gift)

honestly she enjoys the romance of it all and paul rudd is def her first celebrity crush but she enjoys more that you and her now have this special thing of hair and nails and pretty dresses

she loves how confident and beautiful and special you’re able to make her feel, and you love that you get to bring her that small sense of normalcy and happiness

[analytic-chaoticism]

Who’s Going To Die In The Homestuck Epilogue Tomorrow?

Homestuck is finally ending for real now so, obviously, somebody is staring down the barrel of Hussie’s final Chekhov’s gun, except also for real now. After 10 years, the shed wall has more bullet holes than wood knots and the proverbial horse stands dutifully awaiting the next shot in a series of hundreds, but it might actually get put out of its misery forever this time, with John and Vriska - in my mind - the most obvious candidates for permadeath. I’ll briefly discuss the (de)merits of both outcomes - and how both could (maybe, hopefully, please?) be averted - under the cut.

For context, I’m assuming that John will meet Terezi and Vriska at the Green Sun/Black Hole before he goes gallivanting with them through time and space. 

We’ve known John Egbert for 10 years and for all the characters and perspective switching we’ve done since 4/13/2009, he is our protagonist. Homestuck is a story about breaking free from fated suffering - the will of Lord English - and becoming an independent agent, so it should only make sense that the main character is an embodiment of that freedom: the Heir of Breath.  

It’s for this reason that John dying forever at the end of it all - having survived the death of his dad, an omnicidal dog god, the reset of reality, misadventure in the bubbles, a solo retcon journey through Paradox Space, a fight with Caliborn and another on the horizon, killing the Condesce, and making it to Earth C - would be really bad narratively and philosophically! There are no merits! Let’s go over why it Just Won’t Happen. 

1. As the quintessential bildungsroman character (a story requiring the survival of its protagonist to gain experience of the world, find their place in it, and mature with hope for the future) and audience surrogate, killing him in the final act would just be bad writing. It goes against the story’s holistic narrative and philosophical arc and totally undermines Act 7 thematically. 

2. In a story about overcoming fated suffering, the depressed character with the most repressed trauma - who represents freedom and is working to help everyone escape that suffering - dying without coming to terms with sadness and reconciling with his friends and purpose to find happniness? It’s even worse writing. The only possible merit to his death is having to directly confront that trauma in a super sadstuck way; what stakes will it take for him to overcome his disaffected ennui, right? But killing him is a real shitty way of dealing with those problems. Dying with regret is just... super lame. It could be said many characters die with possible regret in HS but if a character doesn’t at some point get revived in one way or another and their death served a purpose, then, on word of God, they just weren’t that important. 

3. It defies the narrative of fantastical escapism. At one of its many cores, Homestuck is a story about kids playing a crazy game about wish fulfillment: bringing the dead back to life, meeting their friends, having an adventure, and becoming super heroes. As the Heir of Breath, especially with the retcon powers, John is ALL ABOUT fantastical escapism. John dying for suffering, subverting escapism, is 100% counterintuitive thematically. Super unsatisfying conclusion to his arc. 

4. People cite this scene with Scratch as evidence that John is going to have a permanent heroic death one day, but I would argue that the metaphysical way in which John would permanently be tying himself to the narrative to ‘maintain canonicity’ (whatever the FUCK that entails) would be a little bit more than a Just or Heroic thing. For me, this was more about Scratch acknowledging John as - though not infallible personally - a totally good guy. And note that reference to Vriska and her ‘Justness’ at the end there: 

Instead, I imagine the whole situation, despite the seeming distinction between Meat and Candy, COULD go something a little more like this - 

A story that is just meat - dense with exposition, action, violence, and tension (plotcentric) - is bad, and a story that is just candy - light with fluff, fanservice, frivolity, and comfort (charactercentric) - is bad. In isolation neither is of consequence to the reader, and reader investment is what this whole epilogue and the quest to avoid ‘dissipation’ is about. You need both to develop the other in a healthy and satisfying way, ultimately producing a well-developed set of characters. Homestuck is the best story of all time and it’s been meat and candy all the way, I don’t foresee that changing. For me, the ‘dual epilogue’ is a 1+1=3 situation. Typheus’ choice for John here was a practice for a metacosmic-scale third option regarding the meat/candy ‘binary’ he’s faced with now.  

The whole story, John - though he represents freedom - has never made his own choice besides in this moment. He’s gone on quests for prophets, just like he’s doing now, and done whatever people told him or expected him to do. Becoming a free agent is the capstone of his character arc and what better way to realize that than assuming control of the narrative and Doing Whatever You Want For Real - the Ultimate Riddle (as many people theorize) which I imagine we’ll see more of soon being ‘do as you will.’ 

But let’s imagine that John does become in every way a martyr for the narrative itself in a Christ-like sacrifice befitting of the Easter Sunday I will probably be reading this upd8 on. How could he get out of it because, trust me, John Is Not Dying Forever:

Transcendence. We’ve descended and ascended, so what comes next?

Juju nonsense. The house or something else, who knows?

Denizen nonsense. I’ll get into this in a second.

A second John takes his place and we get ours back. ‘2 endings,’ right?

The Ultimate Self is gearing up to be important. It’s Jesus 101 people. 

So I’m expecting Abraxas, Jake and possibly Karkat’s denizen, to make a significant appearance in the epilogue. The epilogue itself, as the rest of the story, is geared up (with it’s black and white symbolism) to basically revolve around the cherubs which I fully expect to get more lore on. As @revolutionaryduelist details in this video, Abraxas is “technically at the center of Paradox Space, as a deity that represents both everything in the multiverse that exists ever both physically and conceptually,and the very process which leads to the creation of those things.” Abraxas is, as the true god in enlightenment, the opposite of Yaldabaoth, the false god in ignorance: more relevant, truthful, and essential as a deity - representing the 3 pillars of canon. Yaldabaoth was Caliborn’s denizen, giving him the clock and juju he required to assume ultimate power in the first place. It makes sense that Abraxas would have a hand in his undoing. Abraxas also shares a connection with the cherubs physically and metaphorically, and considering the importance of the cherubs, I think it’s safe to assume this similarity will become relevant. In this way, Abraxas could Just Get Up To Some Nonsense to save John (who is related to Typheus, a potentially Christ-like figure within the denizen genealogy as John is to the story). Resurrection of Christ anybody? Our snakey parent who art above Paradox Space? As somebody connected to magic, it also makes sense that Abraxas could pull off the miracle of the century if needs be.

All in all, John’s not dying. So what about... 

Vriska?

Vriska dying forever is almost ALL merits. This is NOT because I hate Vriska: she is one of the best characters ever written, has never done anything wrong, if she dies I will weep, and I NEED Vrisrezi to become Earth C endgame, but I can’t deny the narrative quality of a potential sacrifice. 

Vriska has never had direct karmic comeuppance for anything she’s done besides Make Her Pay and getting killed by Terezi: all other forms of punishment for her actions were either problems with self-hatred or people she cares about suffering - there’s been little direct consequential action taken against her. Even when She’s 8ack with a second chance she gets to dominate and bully others and still be the leader. And look at what she did to Tavros. That was just mean (but will hopefully be relevant in the epilogue because I love GCATavros oops). Her character is also marred in the emulation of Mindfang, and being an inauthentic individual is a Great Crime in Paradox Space which you could say she has been punished for but we can always squeeze a few more drops out of the cloth. Key to understanding Vriska is knowing that she has little ill will. She said herself, she wants to be a hero. That’s why she’s obsessed with becoming the Most Important Person. She wants to save everyone. It just so happens this conflicts with her selfishness (coming in parts from Spidermom, Mindfang, and her caste) which sweeps people up as collateral damage. The important thing is that she feels really guilty about losing control to her ego/persona and hurting people. 

And she turns to John for absolution. For freedom from her circumstance and misery. 

EB: i guess i had no idea how different we really were.

EB: what i am hearing is seriously scaring the shit out of me!

AG: Yeah, I know. I wish we didn't have to 8e so different. I'm just trying to 8e honest with you, 8ecause like I said, I have nowhere else to go.

John is ignorant of her culture and her behaviour at large, and his kind, innocent disposition makes him the perfect person to tell her that she hasn’t done anything wrong, or - at least - can become a better person. That’s why his opinion matters so much to her when nobody else’s does. 

And even knowing that she’s not a flawless person, she still doesn’t think that she deserved to die. She has never been truly absolved of her guilt, and turning to a stranger - and an alien, whom you manipulate even though NOT doing that is the WHOLE point - to do that for her is cheating in the same way Tricksterism was for the alpha kids. 

That said, John does present a genuine avenue of character development and emotional vulnerability for the girl who would become (Vriska). (Vriska) became her own person free of Mindfang’s shadow, having overcome the trauma of her past and the need to be ‘the best,’ which is as close to well-adjusted as we could hope for Vriska to be. But this character arc - a form of redemption itself - ends with the death of (Vriska) with GO!Terezi as Paradox Space collapses around them in the most emotional and romantic moment in storytelling history. John’s effects have yet to take hold on post-retcon Vriska as they did on pre-retcon Vriska starting from the above interaction forward, as Vriska is still a 8ig 8itch. John has come to recognize this, and I’m sure it will come up at some point, perhaps inspiring some kind of change in our anti-heroine. 

Sacrificing herself for canonicity - maintaining all relevance EVER in a mostly selfless but still kind of selfish act that represents a major step in a redemption she would never get to complete but may not fully deserve besides - is the perfect end for her personally and thematically. Vriska saving John would be wild after their entire relationship including but not limited to the pivotal moments of their ghosts meeting and him saving her life so she could once again experience relevance in the first place; she’d basically be repaying him: something she has never done willingly for totally selfless reasons in good faith and karma before. Wouldn’t that be the most bittersweet character growth to end on? John would FINALLY be a mechanism for her absolution. It was cheating when John didn’t know her. Now it’s been earned after their relationship has evolved so thoroughly and John sees her for what she is, presumably removing his ability to absolve her from the equation entirely. What a 180 that would be. Her arc would technically be incomplete as a character who never fully matured, but what a beautiful step in that journey to end on. It would also be a form of direct recompense to John, having manipulated him in the past as Scratch alluded to! The (Just) master becomes the (Heroic) student! What a great fuck you to Scratch that would be after he ruined her life and fucked up her personality (so would her surviving to become a better person outside of Scratch’s narrative but we’ll get into that). 

Vriska has been primed to destroy the Green Sun for a loooooooong time. 

Within the scope of the story before we were introduced to serious meta like ‘dissipation,’ destroying the Green Sun would have been the most significant thing a person could ever do. But there’s a reality beyond Paradox Space and a wider ‘canon’ that needs to be maintained both within and outside of the Green Sun’s influence. Vriska never truly got to cash in on the Green Sun imagery. What if she got a second chance to do so?

Assume in some way that the most significant object within Paradox Space and its resulting black hole eating all of reality - which, as Terezi showed us in the Credits (making it still canon) has something strange at its centre - plays a role in maintaining canonicity. I know, a bit of a gimme, right? Presumably,we’re going to explore the confrontation with Lord English as part of the ‘unloading’ of the house juju. If the mechanism for canonicity lies in all this green mess, we’re killing 2 birds with 1 stone! Her relationship with John serves its original purpose in a newly genuine context and the green sun foreshadowing would finally amount to something. 

I think Vriska would be almost perfectly content to die like this. It fulfils her philosophy and places her in canonical lore as the most significant, undeniable hero. As Hussie discusses in the Viz book 4 author notes, one of the dynamics Homestuck revolves around is Vriska inserting herself into everything and the Scourge Sisters’ karmic cycle that arises from that, so wiping it all clean would be a fitting end. 

That said, I don’t want Vriska to die forever, because I love her with all my heart and I would never want to do that to Terezi, and Earth C would be way more fun if Vriska got to fully develop as a character with friends outside of canonical restraints/pressures. Let her enjoy candy after a life of meat! (Vriska) got to enjoy candy with Meenah and Terezi after she gave up on meat. Vriska has never had true candy comparatively. All of her relationships and romantic leads have had undertones of contention and manipulation that it would be fantastic to be free of in a new world where she can leave the burdens of ‘importance’ behind. This happening, I feel, is one of (if not the best ways) Hussie can further the commentary on candy being just as important as meat: making someone who has prioritized meat her whole life happy with candy once she learns to let it into her life. Meat is NOT the only important thing, Vriska. 

How could she escape dying forever if she wanted to sacrifice herself to save John from doing the same? Sounds pretty final. I can’t imagine the ultimate self is in her near future, she doesn’t have retcon powers, and unless she pulls a juju out of her ass (maybe auryn somehow???) then the only mechanism I can see working is denizen nonsense. Beyond this, we know Terezi would not be content to let Vriska be dead forever. I was thinking maybe, on Earth C once the dust has settled and canon is Gucci, the kids could use their god tier powers to recreate Vriska (Terezi/Dirk for memory and self, life from Jane, a body from Roxy/Jake/Jade etc.) but that might be a long shot. Who knows. But also resurrecting Vriska as a free person in a free world would be... really Cool. Like, wow... what a scene. Ultimately, I think both potentialities would be pretty rad and would make me weep like a baby. I’m open to anything here. 

In the end, we’ll see what happens tomorrow! I started Homestuck when I was 12 and its influence on me for the last 6 years as both a person and a creative is incomprehensible. I cannot imagine who I would be without it, and I don’t want to. Making analysis/theory posts and getting involved with community discussion has been one of the best things ever and I’m glad I could squeeze this one in before the end of everything. I’ll have plenty more to write about Homestuck and Hiveswap in the future, but it’s crazy to think this is the end of theorizing for Homestuck proper. Homestuck as a property has plenty more to give and I’ll be here with ideas for all of it :)

Thanks for reading!

[chocolatecarstairs]

qoaad theories

 i’ve had these theories for so long but i never got around to sharing them. talk about doing stuff at the last minute! (minor spoilers if you haven’t read the leaked first 3 chapters of queen/tmi spoilers) 

also a disclaimer: i know that some people have gotten their copies early and might be able to confirm/deny these rumors, but i am not one of those people. these are all theories i’ve had written down and dated in a notebook for varying amounts of time. if you are one of the people who got their copies early (you lucky, lucky bastards) please, please, please don’t confirm or deny any of these theories or correct them or spoil anything about the book for me and everyone else who is still waiting for their copy. (at the end of this post i’ll explain how i’ll tag spoilers for those of you who wish to not see them to be able to block and avoid)

the parabatai curse has something to do with heavenly fire: basically jules and emma have both described burning sensations and extreme heat so many times in the series. (ex; emma always notes that julians skin feels hot to the touch, in lm the day after emma heals jules from the posion arrow he applies runes to her and she notices that they burn and sting which is the opposite of what is supposed to happen when your parabatai gives you runes) and in the leaked first three chapters after julian and emma almost frick-frack julian rushes off and looks at his parabatai rune in the mirror and its like glowing and has flecks in it? which is exactly how jace’s eye are describe in cohf when he still doesn’t have the heavenly fire under control and he loses control kissing clary in the alley. we’ve actually never really seen what the heavenly fire does longterm. clary traps the heavenly fire in the morgernstern sword just days after jace got it so it could reason that the heavenly fire drives people insane after a while because they’re not equipped to handle something so divine and powerful. it also could do it quicker to people who don’t have extra angel blood. i also think that this could have something to do with the snippet cassie released about emma’s marks (we all assumed it meant her marks disappeared but i have a feeling that’s not the case.). the snippet was entirely out of context and i think cassie posted it that way on purpose. she wanted us to believe that emma’s marks had disappeared but maybe they were actually glowing like julian’s parabatai mark had been (which could be one of the physical changes cassie mentioned.) and this is how the curse and the heavenly fire will take affect.

diego is going to die: i hate to even type this one out bc over the course of the series i’ve actually grown to like diego as a character, but i think he’s going to die in qooad. jaime will (presumably) be living in la for twp as he is an important character in that series, and i don’t think he’d leave the mexico institute if he hadn’t experienced some great tragedy that made it too painful for him to stay. i know that’s a stretch, but it isn’t my only reason for thinking perfect diego is kicking the bucket. he is currently in a marriage contract w zara and i don’t see the dearborns letting him out of it that easily. even if he can’t give them the heirloom i could see zara and horace forcing him to marry into the family as punishment and as security that if the heirloom ever does turn up zara will be able to use it to invade faerie. not to mention, he is harboring kieran at the sholomance which at the very least would be frowned upon by the clave and considered abominable by the cohort, but it also quite probably illegal. with horace as the new inquisitor and the mortal sword out of commision the cohort will probably spin a tale of treason and faerie-sympathizing on the part of diego and his friends that helped him hide away kieran. this will probably make him a target for everyone in the cohort. not to mention i feel like his storyline will wrap up at some point in qoaad and i could even see him dying in some way to save cristina and repay this debt he feels he owes her for breaking her heart (not to mention he is obviously still in love with her.).

we’re not going to see too much of ty actually mourning, but what we do see is gonna be heart-wrenching: we all know ty is going to try to use necromancy to bring livvy back from the dead (which was one of my earlier theories about qooad) and that the only reason ty isn’t a mess over her death is because he thinks she’ll be back with him soon enough. obviously, almost none of us believe this is going to work and we’re fully prepared for livvy to stay dead. i don’t think ty is going to realize that there is no way to bring her back until way later if not the very end of the book and watching him come to that realization is going to be an incredibly emotional experience for not just us as readers, but for kit and dru, and especially for ty himself. livvy and ty had a bond that i think was even closer than the parabatai bond and so watching him go through the stages of grief and finally accept the fact that his twin and partner and best friend (who as it had been mentioned before he has literally never gone without her a day in his life and has never been in a world she wasn’t in) is dead is going to be one of the most tragic losses/parts of not just the dark artifices but the entire shadowhunter chronicles.

zara dies, horace lives: kind of a simple theory but i’m 50/50 about zara making it out of this series alive. i have nothing to base this on but a gut feeling. i just really feel like one of the dearborns is going to die and think it would be a better death if it was zara. it’s kind of dark and twisted but zara dying would be an amazing cosmic punishment for horace. he would be going on in a world where the only person he had in life (it’s been mentioned his wife is dead and so far they haven’t mentioned any other family) is gone. 

the cohort isn’t going anywhere just yet: in fact, i think whatever happens in qoaad will just give them more power. livia’s watch will (hopefully) give them a run for their money, but at the end of the day i don’t see them being disbanded or falling apart. cassie has even said that at the end of the book things will be “not great for a lot of people”. i think she meant downworlders and non-racist nephilim. people like alec, jocelyn, and aline (and presumably cristina and diana) who have fallen in love with and been involved in serious relationships with downworlders or part downworlders. people like helen, mark, and kit who have downworlder/faerie blood. and finally for allies to the nephilim like maia, lily, magnus, luke, kieran, gwyn and so on who will likely bear the brunt of whatever the cohort has planned.

ragnor fell is shade: not a very original or well thought out theory. just the only person i can think of that we’ve seen before who is green and could possibly have a relationship with church. (he was very good friends with magnus in basically every series of tsc. church was taken care of by magnus for some time after jem became a silent brother which could explain how he and ragnor would know each other.)

kieran is heading back to faerie: i wanna see the hot faerie threesome last just as much if not more than everyone else out there but i have a feeling it’ll be a one and done type of thing. i see kieran either heading back to the unseelie court as king or a prince (hopefully the unseelie king dies) or being reclaimed into the wild hunt. if adaon takes the kings place i think he would welcome kieran back into the court as a prince and kieran would have some sort of gentry responsibility. if kieran is king then as it's been stated before “a king of faerie can have no human consort.” cassie even replied with that quote to a since-deleted tweet that i believe was about keirark or kieraktina. if kieran isn’t brought back to the unseelie court and the unseelie king dies gwyn will probably take kieran back into the hunt. the only reason kieran isn’t with them right now is bc the unseelie king wants him dead, so it stands to reason that, if the king is dead and the courts don’t claim kieran, gwyn will take him back to the wild hunt.

julian will sever the parabatai bonds (parabatai theory #1): we already know that the parabatai curse will be resolved “one way or the other” and right now the only substantial and viable option we’ve been given (besides jules or emma dying which is a fat NOPE) is the severing of all parabatai bonds using the black volume. it’s been heavily hinted at, if not flat-out stated, that julian is more than willing to sever the bonds if it means keeping emma and his family safe. julian and emma will be sent on a quest to faerie seemingly to retrieve the black volume and return it to horace/ the clave. according to one of the snippets, they apparently bring it to the seelie queen and she will only tell julian how to break the bonds. i personally don’t think cassie would have done it this way if julian was just going to tell emma right after. either she won't want to know or he’ll refuse to tell her, so i don't think she’ll even be able to break the parabatai bond. (unless they have to do it together which would be super cool) and i’ve mentioned it before, but cassie has said that the shadowhunter world will be changed forever in and leading up to twp and that the storyline would deal with how the protagonists and other characters adapt to those changes. i really feel like one of those changes could be the breaking of the parabatai bonds.

cortana is the key to breaking emma and julian’s parabatai bond (parabatai theory #2):  throughout the series, there have been multiple references made to the fact that cortana can cut through anything (ex; using cortana emma killed a rider of manaan which was previously thought to be impossible, emma also destroyed the mortal sword in combat using cortana). if cortana can truly cut anything then surely it should be able to cut the bond between emma and julian. i don’t know exactly how that would work, but this could also tie in with the severing of all parabatai bonds. maybe you need a blade made by wayland the smith to severe them. anything is possible.

that’s basically it on my theories for qoaad. i don’t know if any of them will come true, but i had a lot of fun theorizing over the past year and a half while i waited for queen. in the past couple weeks i’ve reread cohf, lady midnight, and lord of shadows in preparation for queen of air and darkness, so i only posted the theories i thought were relevant or most likely based on the proof i had from those previous books. maybe once i’m done with queen i’ll make a separate post of all the theories i had that were correct or partially correct.

since queen comes out tomorrow (technically today since it’s 5 AM) i wanted to make this long overdue announcement. i know i don't have a ton of followers (100 as of just recently!! thank you guys sm!), but many of you guys are tda or shadowhunter fans, so from now until sometime in january (likely january 4, but possibly later as i know some people will be getting the book for christmas) i will be tagging nearly all queen of air and darkness posts with the tags #qoaadspoilers, #qoaad spoilers, #queen of air and darkness spoilers (with the exception of things we already know like stuff from snippets or non-spoilery pictures). if you don’t wish to see any spoilers from me you can block these tags. that way posts tagged as such won’t show up on your news feed. i know a lot of other blogs are doing the same, so it’s a pretty great way to block spoilers all across the board (even cassie recommended it)! if any of you want to know anything specific about the book feel free to pm me, i've literally been talking about this book for weeks so once i know what its actually about i’ll be more than happy to rant about it with any of you!

[deadinsidedressage]

What do you think of TMFCK defending dancing horses so much? Like obviously he’s not advocating for it but defending tying up and whipping/beating a horse in the name of tradition and cultural sensitivity fucks me up. Clinton Anderson relies on abusing horses to pay his bills, and everyone thinks that’s fucked up. so why is it suddenly okay for people in other countries to do that?

I’ll straight up admit that I don’t see the majority of his content and also can’t be bothered to go look at it to confirm what I’m about to say and this is going to be based off the what I saw in his arguments the last time him & dancing horses actually popped up on my dash:It’s sort of like watching someone try to explain the fact that if a black hole ever crashed into the Earth, the Earth would be fine but there would be an exit and entry point (like a bullet wound) but not quite Get It™. (The hyperlink/bad analogy is literally a cool thing I learned about that was NOT caused by a black hole crashing into the Earth but which caused me to learn what that might do theoretically and I wanted to share that).

So here’s the thing--- he’s not wrong about having to look at it in a cultural context. If you’re trying to look at it from an academically minded viewpoint and learn what their rationales for training in that manner is then you absolutely need to get rid of any biases and ethnocentric views. You’d need to learn it from the view of the people doing it. If you’re trying to look at why they’re doing it that way versus why they’ve not adopted another way, then you also have to look from a culturally mindful perspective. Especially if you’re trying to effect change and get them to adopt methods that are not abusive. You simply cannot change adverse cultural practices when coming in from the viewpoint that they’re Wrong and you’re Right (even if ethically that might be true). People shutdown when they’re being attacked, especially so if what they’re being attacked over is ingrained in their culture. Instead of being an attack on the practice, it turns into an attack on the culture. There are plenty of cultures that aren’t Bad that have Bad Practices and we can only change them through learning about them and empowering them with education to make ethical decisions. 

A great example of how to effect ethical change in a culture whose traditional practices are abusive practices is the Friends of Marwar/Kathiwari Horse organization and what it’s done to replace harsh, crudely constructed Indian bits with snaffles. They also work overall to educate about horse welfare and proper horse care in India, including being partnered with Flying Anvil Foundation (which focuses on bringing updated farrier techniques to the areas of the world that are still dependent on traditional farming and truly agricultural use of horses). What both organizations have in common is that they are aiming to correct very clear abusive/neglect by approaching it from the standpoint that it exists from a lack of education. They go in, they educate, and people adopt these proper care methods and non-abusive techniques/tools because ultimately these people do care about their horses--- even if they only care about maximizing the usefulness of the horse. That last bit there about the “usefulness of the horse” is also something really key to operating effectively in outreach work aimed at improving the condition of any animal that a culture is subsisting off of. You cannot change cultural views with a snap of your finger, so if you enter into a culture that only views the animal as a tool and not in the same Western concept of a companion--- then you need to implement a strategy that focuses on logos versus pathos. (Quick terminology lessons: Logos, Ethos, & Pathos are rhetoric terms that originated from Aristotle and describe the method by which you’re arguing a thesis ((thesis being used in it’s original context to mean a “point of view” or proposition)). Logos is an appeal to logic. Ethos is an appeal to ethics. Pathos is an appeal to emotion. When operating across cultural lines, you generally do not rely on ethos because what is considered ethical is not standard across cultures. You rely on logos and pathos either solely or interchangeably as necessary.)So, if you’re dealing with people who want to do what’s best for their horse because they also care for the horse as pet--- then you can focus more on pathos and use arguments like “if you use this snaffle instead of this traditional bit, it will be softer and cause your horse less pain which will make him happier and more responsive!”If you’re dealing with people who want to do what’s best for their horse only so long as it maximizes the use of the horse--- then you need to focus more on logos and use arguments like “if you use this snaffle instead of this traditional bit then you won’t cause sores and cuts in the horses mouth, and a if the horse is not in pain then it can work longer and if the horse doesn’t have open wounds then it won’t get infections in those wounds that could kill it or mean it wouldn’t be able to work; so by using this snaffle you can get more use out of your horse.”

However, where I’ve seen TMFCK go “wrong” in his arguments or defenses is that he’s not getting past looking at it from what ethnographers call an “insider’s perspective” and applying an “outsider’s perspective”. By only pointing out the the fact that the training is orally passed down and whatever else about it as a means to explain the why there is the abusive practice is only doing half the work. You need to look at the WHY (insider’s perspective) but also the HOW (outsider’s perspective)--- so let me give you my favorite example from an ethnographer about how to apply looking at it from both perspectives because it’s the most chilling:In Brazil, specifically I think it was the capital, within an extremely impoverished community there was an astronomically high infant mortality rate. Going in and studying why this was happening, an ethnographer discovered this was due to something that she translated roughly as “the breath for life”. When a child was born, the practice within the community was to take the newborn immediately after cutting the umbilical cord and places it in a corner of the room on the floor where they would leave it for something like 3 days. You would not look at the child or feed the child, or cover the child. You’d just leave a newborn crying on the floor for 3 days. Now the cultural explanation for this (WHY/insider’s perspective) was because all children born into the world are reincarnations of souls who’ve already lived. God is apparently very silly and doesn’t keep track of which soul just died very well and you need to wait the 3 days to make sure God didn’t make a mistake. The soul itself needed that much time to alert God that “hey I was just alive!” and needed isolation so that a) God could hear it better and b) to prevent the soul from losing it’s memory of it’s past life (which is what happens to babies so that they don’t have their old memories) so that God could take it back. A baby that lasted the three days was a soul that had “the breath for life” and had spent enough time in Heaven that it was ready to live another human life. So--- from the cultural perspective, they weren’t committing infanticide or doing anything wrong because that’s what was needed to help God out with his bad organizational skills. Now the actual, hard science explanation behind why this was a cultural practice and why people didn’t see anything wrong with it (HOW/outider’s perspective) was that this community was so horrifically impoverished that they could not devote resources to many children at all and couldn’t afford to waste them on infants that wouldn’t survive. The waiting the 3 days before even feeding the child was essentially a form of unintentional eugenics because the infants that would be able to survive it would have strong immune systems and clearly just a strong survival ability. The 3 days thing also mimicked a very real possibility of the children going days without being fed as that was a very real possibility in the community. These children would then be worth devoting precious resources too because it wouldn’t be a waste. Yes, this community was committing infanticide but they were committing infanticide on children that would have likely died anyway and preserving resources that would be valuable in keeping other community members alive. Is it wrong to let a baby die on purpose? Still yes, but at least there was a reasoning behind why that had become a necessary thing.The point is, you need both views of something in order to absolutely fully understand why it is happening. Only with an understanding of it can you remedy it. In the above example you could scream at them to stop leaving babies to die---maybe even get them to stop leaving babies to die, but ultimately those babies still would have died. Knowing that it was a resource problem meant that two viable options to prevent needless baby death would be 1) Give them more resources and/or 2) Introduce them to family planning so we’re only having babies we know we have resources for. Without both aspects of understanding you can’t provide a real solution. 

So, I get what he’s saying and he’s not wrong and he does make good points about racism (or at least he did the last time I saw it and I actually chimed in about it too--- and actually the Clinton Anderson thing is a great example of racial bias: people will accept his abuse because it’s in the context of a white culture but condemn the dancing horse abuse because of it’s context in a middle eastern or south american culture. They’re still both abuse and they’re actually both pretty closely related in terms of abuse but it’s important to understand that abuse is abuse even if a white guy is doing it and if you’re only calling it out when NOT a white guy is doing it then you’re not doing it because you care about horse welfare, you’re doing it because you’re racist) BUT at the same time he’s not going far enough in deciphering and breaking down what he’s sharing.

 He needs to be able to quantify the abuse without qualifying it. 

[scripttorture]

(1/?) (Same anon with the MC being caught giving information to the rebel group, with more information.) That masterpost was super helpful, so thank you! My story is set in a relatively modern fantasy world, based loosely on Japanese culture. While the regime does truly believe that torture does work, they also want to set an example for others who are involved with the rebel group. As far as my MC ending up with scars, yes scars would be fine, but after he's healed, he would be expected to

(2/2) (Same anon with the MC being caught giving information to the rebel group) he would be expected to fight alongside the rebel group again, so something that scars would be fine, as it seems like it would result in making the public less likely to feed information to the rebel group, but nothing that would cause permanent muscle damage, if possible. Thank you so much again, and if you need more information, I can definitely provide more!

Thanks for clarifying that. :)

 OK well modernJapan I can do but my knowledge of Japanese history generally is pretty poor. Ican cover World War 2 and the modern era but nothing else. Given the volume of asks I’ve gotten on Japan that’ssomething I need to research more but forthe moment it is what it is.

 Modern Japanese torture is (like most places at the moment)‘clean’, that is non-scarring. The techniques they use don’t leave marks andthis makes it more difficult for people to prosecute for torture. Most Japanesetorture at the moment is in the context of police investigations where it’sused to force confessions.

 Given what you’ve outlined I think that rather than drawingon techniques used in Japan today itwould work better to draw from the scarring tortures the Japanese used duringWorld War 2. That’s going to work better for your story, especially in thecontext of ‘making an example of’ and ‘punishing’ the MC.

 There were several variants to Japanese torture during WorldWar 2, they used different techniques in Japan and in occupied countries.

 Generally speaking burning and targeting the fingers seems tohave been common.

 Within Japan victims were brunt with hot irons or tongs andalso with cigarettes. This is painful and scarring but it doesn’t have topermanently maim the character. Avoid the joints, eyes, genitals, mouth andanus, make sure the overall burn area is small and the character shouldn’t havetoo many long term health problems directly related to the burns.

 I don’t think breaking the fingers or the Japanese practiceof tying people in a standing position suspended from the fingers (toes touchthe ground, this is a stress position that often dislocates the fingers) applyin your case. The chance of long term problems with his hands afterwards ispretty high. I’d suggest just not having these practices in your setting.

 I think your best bet is to mix the burning torture with practicesthe Japanese used outside of Japan during World War 2.

 Of these electricity torture and pumping stand out.

 Now electricity torture canbe done in such a way that it doesn’t leave scars or any visible injury. Butthat’s not the way the Japanese did it.

 The basic set up is a power source of some kind (historicallyspeaking it would have been a telephone magneto but I’d suggest you update itto a modern generator or battery) with wires connected to the electrodes andsome sort of metal contact for each wire (clips were popular but other metalcontacts or the wire itself were used).

 One of the contacts would be connected to the victim’s body,a finger, ear or the genitals were popular choices and the other contact wasthen placed somewhere else on the body. The electricity travels between the twocontacts and hurts like hell.

 Done this way the victim spasms and they were often tied downto something because of that. If the voltage is high enough the muscle spasmscan break bones, many torturers put something in the victim’s mouth to preventthem breaking their jaw during electricity torture. Victims often had burnswhere the contacts touched their skin. The torturer would move a contact arounddifferent areas of the victim’s body, so if you like the character could haveelectrical burns in multiple places.

 This set up is the sort of thing people think of when theyhear ‘torture’. The victim tied down to a bed or chair screaming. If thecaptors want to send a message they could record and broadcast this. It wouldterrify people and that’s their aim.

 Pumping is messier and from the little I know about Japaneseculture I think it would be seen as humiliating, which makes it anotherpotential candidate for broadcast.

 Pumping is basically forcing fluid into someone’s digestivesystem until their internal organs are so swollen that fluid leaks out of everyorifice. It doesn’t leave scars, it’s extremelypainful and in many cultures seen as especially humiliating.

 The fluid is usually mostlywater, but torturers sometimes add human waste, chilli, a small amount of bleach or other irritants/foul tasting things. Inthe past Muslims have been pumped using beer. And while I can’t rememberprecise which east Asian country usedit there’s a variant where the victim is starved, then fed raw or under cookedrice before being pumped. This is because rice swells in water and this addsanother layer of pain and humiliation to the process.

 Physically speaking the victim is restrained and the fluid isforced into their mouth, sometimes using a funnel. Once they’re bloated withfluid and it’s leaking from their anus the torturers often force them to bendtheir knees up over their swollen stomachs and squeeze.

 This is also exceedingly painful.

 I’ve suggested several techniques because torturers don’tgenerally use just one. Two or three of these would be more realistic. If youchose to use pumping I suggest leaving that till last, he probably won’t beable to walk after being pumped.

 The techniques I’ve suggested have a relatively shortphysical recovery time. His burns will need to be dressed and will take a whileto heal fully (I suggest consulting ScriptMedic’s blog for further informationon that front) but he should be able to walk within a day and move freelywithin a week. The burns will be painful for some time afterwards but he’ll beable to perform basic tasks and to fight.

 He probably shouldn’t fightuntil the burns are fully healed but he may well be physically capable of doingso.

 There are otherscarring techniques the Japanese used, but I’ve picked the ones that I thinkgive him the best chance of physical recovery. A lot of scarring Japanesetorture was also maiming or lethal, which narrows your options considerably.

 I’ve got two final points, one is that an incident like thisis probably going to make this character hate the government even more; he’llprobably become more convinced thathis ideals are correct and the government is wrong.

 The second is to remember that his emotional and mental recovery will take far longer than hisphysical recovery. ScriptTraumaSurvivorhas a handy work sheet here that’s designed to help work out what symptomsfit with your character and how to show them consistently.

 I hope that helps. :)

Disclaimer