#twpurge

[silouett3]

I am sober

It's been 4 days, 6 hours and 25 minutes

The numbers keep going up

There's nothing I can do but watch,

Watch and pray that this meal won't make me full

That it won't make me aknowledge myself in the mirror or stick my fingers down my throat again

Because it hurts

My throat hurts

My stomach hurts

My tongue hurts

And my heart hurts,

It aches with the sorrow of not loving myself once again,

Of looking in the mirror and not being able to take my eyes off my body

The body that keeps me alive and gets me going

The body that I hurt and so horribly judge

The body my mother looks upon and smiles

And the same body my little brother hugs when he gets home

A body that is not good enough

It's been 5 minutes and 35 seconds since I last consumed myself

[fuckifeelbadaboutmyselftday]

help me be skinni

Looking for an ANABUDDY plz 

19+ 

LGBTQ+ friendly only

Will help me stay in check 

Probably talk on snapchat or something 

[wlweatingdisorders]

anonymous asked: 

Hi!! Today I went and saw a psychiatrist who’s specialty is in eating disorders for the first time. I’m feeling really invalidated, and just sad because he called me “bulimic” even though I haven’t purged (vomiting or laxatives) in over a year.

Al I struggle with is restriction, bingeing, and fasting. I’ve been in that cycle for a while and it’s resulted in me being v overweight. He either wants to send me to partial/ daytreatment, or a “weight clinic”. I don’t know what’s going on and I don’t totally understand why he’s been using bulimia as the label, I don’t know and I’m just nervous and feel only because i am so overweight right now and do not want to give up using restriction as a coping mechanism until I’m at a average/ low BMI. I just feel silly, and idk also when he says “weight clinic” it makes me think that it’s not going to be somewhere that deals with eating disorders, but just a place where old people want to lose weight .

idk I’m sorry for sending you all this, I just don’t know what to do and I love your blog and also I’m a lesbian lol and idk I don’t want to talk to my (amazing) girlfriend about this specific situation because ifk I don’t wanna stress her out, and my parents are super supportive as well but they just want me to get better. I don’t even know I’m just really sad and feel to “fat” to go into treatment, and I also know that if I get sent to a “weight clinic” that I’ll just get obsessed. Ily❤️

 response❤️

im a not a doctor of course however with the non-purging subtype of bulimia, you can still be diagnosed with bulimia. part of the dsm-5 bulimia is classed as 

B. Recurrent inappropriate compensatory behavior in order to prevent weight gain, such as self-induced vomiting; misuse of laxatives, diuretics, or other medications; fasting[restriction[; or excessive exercise. C. The binge eating and inappropriate compensatory behaviours both occur, on average, at least once a week for three months. D. Self-evaluation is unduly influenced by body shape and weight.

also "with non-purging bulimics do not make themselves vomit, do not take laxatives and do not use enemas (although some may make occasional use of these strategies). Instead, they take on highly-restrictive diets (mine were far more severe than when I was anorexic) and over-exercise"

its stupid that they judge you on your weight as on the dsm-5 you'd be classed as anorexia-binge/purge subtype however your eating disorder is just as valid. 

people in php programs are will range so much and people don't need to know your care plan. im going to do when im weight resorted and i know they're going to be skinnier people then me but each eating disorder is different. your recovery is so important so please go for it!!! also i know someone who has done daycare and is BN so i promise its just as valid :)

maybe being honest with your girlfriend can help?? i know its hard to tell but she loves you and understands you sweetheart. writing her an honest letter/text and being truthful will help your relationship+strengthen and grow it. she'll be proud of you that you've taken her steps to the journey of recovery. also if you want to lose weight, go for it but do it for you and not the diet society culture we live in❤️ 

Further reading

DSM-5: Feeding and Eating Disorders

Non-Purging bulimia – A Guide for Parents

Non-Purging Bulimia

Is non-purging bulimia being overlooked?

forum support

[boombasticbabe]

TW Self Harm, Purging

Today I purged. I forced myself to throw up and then I scratched my hips. I couldn't keep it in anymore. I don't know how much longer I can be "happy"....

[wlweatingdisorders]

i hadn't purged in over a year but these past three weeks i've purged four times and started restricting again. i've reached a healthy weight now but i hate it every day and i don't know what to do anymore, i'm trying so hard to recover but my thoughts haven't changed with my behaviors and i'm slipping backwards really fast. do you have any advice?

do you have a meal plan and a treatment team you can talk to about your feelings?

i’m nearly weight resorted myself and i understand how you feel; the thoughts take longer to catchup then my body but sticking to a meal plan has really helped me as i know that if i stick to something, it will become habit and my thoughts will slowly change; i know i just have to stick with it.

there will be days which will be tough and recovery won’t be easy but i read a quote online which is so true: 

“my worst days in recovery are better than my best days in relapsing” which is so true, in the long term it will be so worth it even if its painful now. i wish u all the best and im always here for u!!

[wlweatingdisorders]

hey so i have had bulimia for a long time and i've tried to recover but i cant and idk what to do. i haven't had even 1 normal/clean day in at least 2 yrs and i really need advice on how to stop. im also thinking about starting to date but im afraid to kiss anyone because my teeth are gross, etc. is there anything you know of that i could do to recover on my own? (no access to professional help)

i’ve written up a post here if you want to have a read of ways you could try and self help.

however, im sure you’re beautiful and someone who will really love you will kiss you, you’re so strong and i know that you’ve got this!

[wlweatingdisorders]

tw unsanitary///// me, directly after eating my own v*mit to make myself throw up more: wow gorl purdie

can relate but omfg stay safe as you can do so much damage to your teeth tho :(( i’ve had issues getting sores on the gums and its painful as hell. 

i hope you can reduce your purging and if you do gets sores; bonjela gel cream helps alot(im supposed to have it on prn but they haven’t ordered it and its sO annoying omg))

stay safe please and good luck w ur recovery as u deserve it!!!