#twitter is a cesspool and the only reason i still have it is to keep up with artists but idk man it's just so far gone.

[chimerafflesia]

every day deleting all my social media sounds more and more peaceful

[teslacoils-and-hubris]

I feel like what's being left out of the conversation about why an algorithm would be bad for tumblr is because we know what algorithms do on other social media sites. Promote reactionary hate.

Twitter is such a discourse spewing cesspool BECAUSE the algorithm promotes posts with lots of engagement. What kind of posts are those? Posts that make people mad. It is an endless feedback loop of arguing and hate. There's a reason click bait of people doing outrageous gross things get spread and its because they make people mad. Facebook literally has papers showing how their algorithm promotes hateful content. It's a well documented, well recorded problem.

I know they've said they're rolling back the algorithm based dash idea, but still most of the complaints I saw were people not saying that they didn't want it to change. And yeah I don't want it to change either but there are reason behind that beyond just preferring it to how other sites run things

And since I'm only allowing myself one post on the matter- if they decide to compress reblog chains they're fucking idiots. They literally already have a feature for that, shorten long posts, and NO ONE USES IT!!! ITS ON THE SAME LIST OF THINGS WE TELL NEWCOMERS TO TURN OFF ALONGSIDE BEST THINGS FIRST!!! THIS IS ALREADY A FEATURE!!! IF PEOPLE WANT IT THEY CAN USE IT WHY WOULD YOU MAKE IT MADITORY WHEN REBLOG CHAINS ARE SO INTEGRAL TO THE SITE

I would even argue that having these options, AND KEEPING THEM AS OPTIONS, is a good thing. If people want an algorithm spoonfeeding them content and an experience more similar to other sites? Fine. Let them. Tell them it's a thing when they make an account, and let it be something people can toggle on and off. Whatever. But trying to force everyone who prefers tumblr as it is to basically have Twitter 2.0? You're stupid and insane if you think that's a good idea

[chirpsythismorning]

So are we gonna talk about how we have to face homophobia on a daily basis online and it has not once been addressed by Netflix or the writers like ever. And it's not like they do not see any of that stuff happening. It's happening basically HD on Twitter.

And the way they do not even bother to say something, even though they were the ones who teased Byler during the whole pride month. Literally, multiple queer fans felt like they received a slap in the face, yet no one said anything regarding the treatment of Robin and Will in this season. And all this happening during the pride month was trash. Never once addressing any of this and the treatment Will got from the show and by the fans... was a choice. Not to mention them constantly fueling homophobia on twitter or queerbaity posts are... a choice.

It's just simply disappointing and makes it harder to respect the writers.

I just want to preface this by saying that homophobia is bad. Obviously. It will always be bad and how I feel about that doesn’t change just because I’m not acknowledging it every time it occurs.

I’ve had asks like this before where I say pretty much the same thing every time, and so I considered not posting this bc I just sound like a broken record.

To be clear, the writers have posted in the past about how fans should be able to ship whoever they want to ship, at a moment in particular when people were hating on byler and non-canon queer ships in general. And so we can’t expect them to come to the rescue every time something is blowing up on Twitter. Otherwise, they would never have a day off.

Twitter is a cesspool and giving attention to it only makes it worse, that’s what it really boils down to. Once you open up that can of worms, it never ends.

It isn’t even just homophobia on there. Every form of bigotry thrives on that platform, where everyday they’re mad about something and demand everyone to confront it or else. And that’s just not healthy. Its not sustainable at all.

And to be clear, all sides on there have really, really toxic stans, including bylers. Not all of them are toxic, but it’s really hard to get by on there unless you can handle seeing that stuff on a daily basis. Some byler discourse on Twitter is a large part of the reason people want to claim all bylers hate El. And it's because of the toxic ship wars on there, where they always take it too far and create division by hating on Will or El or Mike, and then it stretches to the actors and goes on and on. All of that drama is best to ignore for your sanity. Confronting it won’t solve anything. A lot of those people, even when faced with common sense, still choose the road that revolves around hatred and disrespect without any remorse. It’s not worth getting worked up over.

Also want to make clear that the original tweet Stranger Things posted had nothing to do with byler. Shippers on Twitter will make any and every post about their ship and pressure the people running the account to post something. The comments are always filled with all sorts of tweets like that so it’s not just bylers either. This means it arguably could have been anyone that was called out for commenting something unrelated to the post. It just so happens that byler is getting a lot more popular, to the point where they do dominate on Twitter as a platform considering most of the ga doesn't even like milkvan anymore anyways, and a lot more people are open to byler. So I would imagine most of the comments did look something like that.

When it comes to queer-baiting from official Netflix accounts last summer, I do think that the only reason they did that stuff, like make posts with byler in the literal caption on tiktoks, was because it was during an official promotional circuit that focused on byler in the penultimate season. If byler is endgame though they couldn't disclose that, they arguably did exactly what they had to do. They had to refer to it by name to get more people aware of it, but also keep it subtle, and they especially had to drop it post vol 2 because s4 closed off in a way that wanted us to think milkvan was endgame based on the monologue.

The thing about queer-baiting and why it is so fucking shitty, is because it almost always leads no where. They do all of that stuff, with the creators behind the scenes knowing it will never happen. They mock and hype it up and get people psyched, only for it to lead to nowhere. That's how it's always been.

The point of how they are approaching byler, is to give the impression it's like every other queer-bait before, only to flip the switch. The beauty of it, is all of these people that have been wrong before, and were told they were be going to be wrong again, weren't wrong this time. And that's going to be even more satisfying after they pull the rug under those that were telling bylers to know their place and to accept that it's like every other queer-bait. Once and for all when s5 comes out, the roles will switch and it will be much more satisfying than them just laying it all out there at any point in advance super obviously.

Like people who are paying attention, know the message of the show goes against all of those things and those that don’t and insist that doesn’t play a role, are the ones who have to wait to find out, with them tuning until the very end only to realize they were the ones wrong.

And there is a difference between the st writers account, who is often an intern directly in very close contact with the writers, or the writers themselves potentially at any given time. Whereas the official netflix accounts are run by various interns connected to Netflix, with people above them calling the shots for official major posts. Though stuff like replies is often given at the discretion of the person running the account at that moment. Sometimes they say stuff that doesn't land or that was inconsiderate. I'm sure there has been instances of people being fired in the worst cases of stuff going down. But in this case, it really is just a case of fans being chronically online and making everything about ships when it never was in the first place.

Also, in terms of the writers, there is a strike rn so under no circumstances will the writers be tweeting at all, bc that’s the whole point of striking, not participating in writers duties. And that is literally a writers account for Netflix’s Stranger Things.

I also try to keep this rule for myself on here, but believe me when I say, you do not need to follow the crowd and give input into every drama that arises.

We have our own drama over here on tumblr too, so it's not like we're by any means perfect at all times. Sometimes one person says something and suddenly people are saying that a bunch of people are saying that even though it was only one person and now everyone has to give their two cents and you can't go in the tag without being bombarded with the same posts rehashing it from every which angle.

But you can choose to not participate every single time something occurs. You can choose to live your life without reacting to every given thing. That's just a lot better of a way to live mental health wise too. Like I personally don't want to be confronted with a bunch of homophobia in the tag bc one person said something. And that's also why we try to encourage people to just block the sloppy seconds anon, bc most of us don't want to see that in the tag. We come here for appreciation and making connections not giving homophobes a platform to spout their bs.

I will probably make a post about this again inevitably when the next big thing happens.

But just remember, the back and forth in general with these accounts messing with fans in regards to ship wars is far from over (well at least 2 years max).

Also keep in mind, we are on hiatus rn, so anything from ST accounts is going to be related to like press and merchandise outside of the show itself, which we saw with this one today that ignited all of this, was related to a ST game releasing...

When the promotional circuit finally starts, like in the months up to release, that's when you're going to see really intentional promotion that was planned ahead of time, months in advance, by experts and graphic designers working closely with people from the ST production on their vision of what they want to hint at in promotion.

The first promotional post for s5 we can look forward to, is the picture they are bound to post when announcing the first day of filming. With the strike it's hard to know when that will be, but once the strike is over hopefully with a fair deal made for the writers, that post announcing filming will be dropping soon after presumably.

In the mean time lets try to make this a space that isn't like Twitter where everything is so deep and we need to call it out. More often than not it's not that deep and the trolls don't deserve our attention in the first place. The best way to piss them off is to keep having a good time and ignore them. They hate that shit more than anything lol!

[virginpornstar]

Branden's Top Realizations of 2023

2023 was a rough year for me. I had some incredible things happen, and had some amazing moments, but also had some hardships I had to deal with. That is life. With the good comes the bad, but all that matters is I made it through. Here are my Top 10 Realizations of 2023!

2023 WAS MY YEAR OF CHAOS

Eris is the Greek goddess of chaos and discord. This year felt like Eris possessed me herself to blow up my own life. If I had the option to choose to avoid drama or have drama, I went with the drama. I chose chaos every chance that I got. From getting canceled, falling out with my best friend, and even just having non stop petty arguments online and falling out with random guys I've never even met, I was having non stop drama and chaos this year. I wasn't the one to avoid any confrontation this year. I didn't give a fuck. With the chaos I endured in 2023, I'm hoping to choose peace in 2024.

2. ALL PUBLICITY IS GOOD PUBLICITY

It's already been nearly a year since I got "canceled", and honestly I didn't really lose much besides 2 FwBs that don't even live in the same part of the country as me, and I only fucked both of them once.

It was inconvenient having to block 1300 profiles, and still having to block people. I still have poz black gays that have been on my block list nearly a year making posts talking shit about me, but whatever. They're going to be poz forever, so they're going to be mad forever. I have always believed that I don't care what people are saying about me, as long as they're talking about me. Getting "canceled" had more people talking about me than ever. Even with them trashing ever part of me and my existence, more people than ever were reading my blogs, watching my acting reels, looking at my posts, watching my YouTube videos, etc...getting canceled was fantastic for exposure. More people than ever know who I am.

I may be a bit of a pariah in the black gay community, but the black gay community is just a cesspool of HIV infected gays, fighting online and in person, can't keep a relationship, not educated or employed, bums begging for money, people living a lie, etc...

Plus the same week I got canceled, I saw the same people that were talking shit about me canceling even more black gays within the same week. This is why no one takes the black gay community seriously. Twitter/X is just an app with bitter black gays looking to terrorize and cancel other black gays.

I'm still employed, traveling the world, getting dick everywhere I go, and my followers are up on most platforms compared to before I got canceled. I didn't lose shit except fake people in my life. It was inconvenient having to block 1300+ profiles of people talking shit about me, but after those first 3 days the chaos was pretty much over and life resumed to normal.

3. THE BEST PART OF GETTING CANCELED IS THAT IT EXPOSED MY SECRET HATERS

"What other people think of you is none of your business' is one of my favorite quotes. I first heard it from RuPaul, and it's always stuck with me.

As a fem black gay man with a "valley girl" voice, I've been bullied my entire life for a multitude of reasons. There's nothing anyone can say about me that I've not already heard. It's true that decades of bullying does build thick skin. I am used to gays hating me and that's been what I've had to deal with from the majority of the gay community since high school. Then on a grander scale in college. Now on the grandest scale of the internet.

I had so many random people from my past coming out of the woodwork to jump on the hate train against me. Former friend's friends that I only hung out in a group setting like 2-3 times were writing entire essays of lies about me on Twitter. Saying how they always hated me, and here I am thinking um...I met you twice. I didn't like you either, but I also never gave a fuck about you to write an essay about you. I was disgusted how you and your man said you collect buckets of rain water and bathe in it.

Then I had former cowokers I never even liked that I only knew from being extras on various film/TV sets making posts about how they always hated me. Um...I never liked you, hence why I always avoided you and gave you the impression I didn't like you. I can't stand people that crave attention are and are loud and obnoxious, especially at work.

Then even cast members/producers of the ratchet black gay reality shows I watch on YouTube talking shit about me since they didn't like my tweets about their show, and also one was embarrassed since I saw him at the clinic and knew he was poz since the wasn't there on the same side of the clinic I was for people getting tested/treated for STIs. He was there for the infectious diseases doctors, aka poz. I didn't even know some of them knew who I was, but apparently they did enough to make posts about always hating me.

Then I fell out with some of my lovers that turned on me. Can't trust them fake ass weak ass Libras to be loyal when the world is against you. I really am not compatible with people that care what others think of them. That's why Leos and Libras are so compatible. They both are signs that care how others perceive them.

I'm a Scorpio. I don't give a fuck about anyone, but me. I don't care what anyone thinks of me, and nor would I ever turn on someone when the world is against them. I like you for you, and I dislike you for you. No one can turn me against someone, but the best part of getting canceled was knowing who couldn't wait to turn on me. On top of it also exposing who's poz. With 50% of the black gay community being apart of the Walking Dead, there's so many incubators of disease walking amongst us, and we wouldn't even know it. Had they not exposed themselves, literally and figuratively.

4. I WILL NEVER FEEL GUILTY FOR WANTING AN HIV-NEGATIVE MAN

I spent most of my life scared of fucking, because I've been terrified of HIV. My worst fear is becoming poz, and I don't want to ever be apart of that black gay poz statistic. I don't want a man that's apart of that black gay poz statistic either. I will never feel guilty about that. It's also why I have no regrets about anything I said that got me "canceled". Since I've been saying those things for years. Just this is the first time anyone listened.

Plenty of others agree with me, they just were too scared to publicly agree. But they slid in my DMS to tell me they feel the same way. It's crazy how the diseased are so deluded and want to normalize everyone fucking people with HIV, and then attack and chastise anyone that doesn't want to fuck people with HIV. Yet not fats/no fems is perfectly ok in the black gay world, but as soon as you say you don't a man with an infectious disease that they got from their poor life choices, suddenly you're the problem. The gaslighting in the (black) gay community is astounding.

HIV may not longer be a death sentence, though the only thing keeping poz people from wasting away and dying of AIDS is their medicine. Hence why I call them The Walking Dead. Nobody wants that shit, or wants to deal with that shit. Yes HIV is preventable with PrEP and if peopel are Undtectable, but I still would rather be with a man that made smart life choices to prevent from ever being infected in the first place. I feel how I feel, and I'll never feel guilty about that.

5. PROFECTIONS YEARS ARE REAL

Profection Years are a combination of astrology and numerology. There are 12 houses of the zodiac, and each year of your life is apart of a different house. Each house represents a different aspect of life, and what will be the big theme of that year as you reach that age. It does seem unlikely everyone is experiencing the same thing at 30, 31, 32, etc...but I don't give a fuck about everyone else because it's been eerily accurate for me.

For 32 my profection year was that this would be a huge year of travel for me. It was. I took 23 trips this year so far! That's more than I've ever traveled ever before in my life. It also was accurate for 31 being a big year of death/rebirth/transition, and 30 was about relationship. I got in a relationship when I turned 30. 31 was about rebuilding my life post relationship since I feel like I allowed my relationship to distract me from certain goals.

My profection year has been on point so far, and now 33 is about my image and public persona. Which is so true. Since I gotta rebuild my brand/image after getting "canceled". Though let's be real. This world barely gives a fuck about gay people. They really don't give a fuck about black gay people. They certainly don't give a single fuck about black gays with HIV. So it is delusional to think black gays with AIDS have the power to cancel anyone.

6. EUROPE IS FUN TO VISIT, NOT TO LIVE

One of the highlights of 2023 for me was that I finally got to go to Europe! I went to London, Paris, and Madrid. It was a dream come true. I was originally supposed to go in 2020, but Covid happened, but I finally made up for it this year. I loved Europe, well not enough that I'd want to live there.

My friends that had been before said that being black is so much better in Europe than America, and Europeans love black Americans. Um...I should've known better than to trust the word of my black friends that only like white men.

I would never want to live in Europe. There's barely any black people, and the few that are there make it very clear they only like white men. Me in my early 20s, before I was into black men, would've loved Europe and probably been like "I want to move there". Me now, I like Europe to visit, but I'd never want to live there.

I like big men, which are hard to find in Europe. There's twinks everywhere. I love Madrid since it's a bear capital and they definitely had the sexiest men in Europe. Madrid had the least amount of black men I'd seen in Europe, but still was my favorite European city. London and Paris I found one guy in each city to get with, but Europe is fun for a visit, but definitely not where I'd ever want to live. If anything it made me appreciate being an American more.

I have black gay clubs, black gay spaces, black gay men of all sizes and shapes, and I have options in the US. In Europe, if you dont' want a white man then you're out of luck.

7. GAY FRIENDSHIPS ARE SO DIFFICULT TO MAINTAIN AS I GET OLDER

I've fallen out with the 2 closest gay friends I've ever had within 2 years of each other. One was a 16 year friendship that ended after he not only didn't invite me to his 30th birthday party he spent months planning, but I had to find out about the party from social media. Plus I took him out to lunch the week before the party for his birthday, and he made no mention of it for me.

We were doing that fake shit like having parties and not inviting each other when we were in high school, and you want to start doing that in our 30s? Fuck that. I'd rather ben former friends than fake friends. Clearly if you don't want me at your own celebrations for yourself, then we aren't real friends. Also if you don't invite me to your party your planned because 2-3 of your 50 guests don't like me, then clearly you don't value me as a friend. So I ended it.

Then I just fell out with my best friend of 5 years. The previous friendship ending wasn't as big of a blow since we both clearly had moved on to new BFFs, and had been growing apart. Also with this friendship we'd been growing apart too.

We don't live int eh same part of the country. We don't see each other as much. Plus he made a new friend group, so he likes feeling like he's queen bee, though that shit doesn't work for me. I'm always queen bee, and not a sidekick.

We fell out due to a trip planning gone wrong, and he was financially challenged. Yet he picked the hotel, I just booked the room, but then he cursed me out because he didn't like the price and then refused to apologize for cursing me out. I don't have time for this immature shit. I am past that point in life of sharing hotel rooms with friends. I like my own space. I also am not tolerating a friend refusing to move on from drama they caused. Take accountability. Don't lie and say you misread a text, when you clearly were arguing with me about what you clearly read the night before. I don't have any tolerance for immaturity or fake shit.

It's sad to lose a friend, but sadly we outgrow people. Plus I was fucking a guy he really liked behind his back for months, so I was doing fake fucked up shit too. The friendship was destined to end this year. It's sad, but everything happens for a reason.

8. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT DIRECTION I WANT MY LIFE TO GO IN

I'm torn for the first time ever. I've always been somewhere that's know what I want, where I want to go, and where I want to be. Yet now I have no clue. I know what my options are for where I want to move next. Yet I still can't make a final decision.

I could go back to Atlanta. I already have friends/acquaintances, jobs I can get back into, and know the city. Atlanta has changed a lot since I left, but Atlanta is still the black gay capital. There will always be options for men there, and I've had the most sex and best dating experiences in Atlanta. Biggest downside is way too many poz people. Where there's lots of black gays there's lots of HIV, and I honestly want that far away from me.

I could go to Chicago. Chicago is my favorite city. I love the architecture, and landscapes. It's exactly the type of city I love. Great public transit, walkable, but large, diverse, and I have decent experiences with men there. Biggest downside are the rough winters, and a lot of the people I fell out with after getting canceled were in Chicago. Granted it's a big city, so I don't have to see those flaccid woke warriors.

I could go to NYC. Growing up in the Northeast, the goal has always been to live in NYC. I think that's natural. Gays aspire to move to the biggest city in their region, and NYC has always been the epitome of the top of the list. If you can make it there, then you can make it anywhere. Plus I love New York N*ggas. Downside is the ridiculous astronomical rent. Yet if money wasn't an issue, I'd definitely choose NYC.

Lastly there's LA. I just don't see myself as an LA gay, even though this year I've realized I can be faker than ever, and I already have the "valley girl" accent. Even when I went to Europe everyone was assuming I was from California form how I talk. I do love that no one can tell where I'm from from my accent. Yet LA is so overcrowded, and there's so many crazy homeless people everywhere. Also I hate driving, and it's impossible not to drive there. Also the gays are so flaky, and I don't see myself happy in Los Angeles. Though I'm an actor and screenwriter. So LA will always be the best place to be.

I'm still figuring out which option to choose, but they're all so different. My life will look different depending on which city I choose, and no option I think will have the same outcome. Still I want to push myself to try somewhere new, but I also am terrified of picking the wrong one. Though if one doesn't work out, then I can always move. We shall see what the future holds.

[childofaura]

Twitter and the stupid takes, I still remember that one time someone blammed short people for being short because they normalize pedophilia

The only reason I have Twitter is because of a very good friend who I’ll keep up with there if I can’t get through via text.

The “short=pedophile” or “small-breasted=pedophilia” especially burn me up because I’m maybe 5’4 to 5’5 and unfortunately I didn’t get to develop a nice set of tiddies. So if you’re trying to insist that a man may only be interested in me because he’s a pedo, and not because he can look past my lack of assets and find me attractive regardless, then kindly go fuck yourself. (And I mean like the theoretical “you” not “you” specifically, anon).

Twitter is a cesspool for discourse, that’s for sure.

[dallasareaopinion]

Stand up to social media bullying to it’s face!

Sounds wonderful, some kind of righteous fight against injustice except how do you stand up to social media bullying to it’s face when much social media especially bullying is anonymous.

As stated by thousands of articles, people and just what you read, social media bullying is a real problem. And what could it even mean standing up to it’s face?

Social media bullying at a basic level has people telling you how wrong you are, you know nothing, you belong to the wrong side, your side is evil, comments about your appearance, etc.

And do not get me wrong, if you wanted to give me constructive criticism of my writing I welcome it. Yet nowadays you cannot receive constructive criticism. It is all negative to true hate of you just because you expressed an opinion. Opinions of opinions can be good if well thought out, or even based on some underlying principles. Today though speak your mind and the flood gates of hades will open. And worse too many responses are just hate. Very few people even try to address your point or make a counter point.

“X” what use to be Twitter is a cesspool some of the time or it is people only posting to their followers to get more likes. You can say anything no matter the facts because if you are popular enough people will still click that little heart.

And then there is the real bullying. Where for some reason someone is attacked by a few people to a multitude. And this goes beyond the political realm where certain politicians are denigrated by the other side to the point of stupidity and madness. No one says anything except how _______ is that person. I am talking about where someone takes their own live or tries.

If we could find a way to stand up to that type of bullying it would be wonderful. Yet how? Again it is mostly anonymous. And with teenagers can we even track it down and worse if you have any knowledge of who it ends up being after the fact most of the time. And this is especially true since most social media bullying is around something embarrassing or perceived to be embarrassing so people don’t want to report it

Could you legislate something? Maybe but what? Hold people accountable if their bullying leads to harm, maybe manslaughter, but again how and what. And since many legislators are more interested in being popular than legislating or holding onto to their self perceived power a person cannot expect anything anytime soon.

And I don’t want to create a police state on social media either. Yet this problem shows deeper rooted issues with our society since it happens enough to make the news. So how do you balance privacy and certain privileges with the need to protect people and identify people harming others with their attacks on social media. A libertarian’s nightmare to say the least, even though I am not that much of one.

How does our society empower victims to alleviate this problem? By the fact that this is a much written topic and keeps happening shows we have a long way to go.

I might offer some way for people that receive social media posts directly or about them be able to find out who is behind the posts. It would be a more enhanced version of being able to have caller ID. Which by the way is a joke. Go back and put some teeth in that people who are the receiver of a call have every right to know who is calling. Telemarketers and others shouldn’t be allowed to call indiscriminately. Whatever technology to toughen that legislation up could be used to help with the social media problem. Or at least that is a start. And maybe a way to report offending posts anonymously to authorities if desired. This way someone can address the poster without any embarrassment to the bullied individual. This might help teenagers obtain the help they need in combatting an attack for some perceived slight or whatever.

Anyway just a thought, but something needs to be done. It is so scary to read about someone taking their life just because someone can take advantage of them anonymously or through some scam. How many times must we read stories about people being scammed for money over something embarrassing or not thinking and then a threat of a picture being posted online? Sure common sense would help prevent some of these problems, but a person shouldn’t be put into such distress that you harm yourself over these matters. I cannot fathom what type of world my grandchildren are living in that I would have to worry about this for them, yet as a parent or grandparent it is a real concern. I just hope we, as the elders, communicate with them well enough that they can come to us when needed. Unfortunately you may never know until it is too late.

[mrsalwayswrite]

To Call Forth Love - Chapter 7

So this chapter is in Ivar’s POV. Kind of a glimpse as to see what is going on with him. Plus, its a great excuse to write some Floki/Ivar interaction. 

Warnings: swearing, implied violence, Ivar having boundary issues but that’s not new. 

Words: 4550

Tag List: @heavenly1927​ @youbloodymadgenius​ @zuxiezendler​ @punkrocknpearls​ @love-all-things-writing​ @southernbe​

Series Masterlist

"There you are, you crippled bastard. I've been looking everywhere."

 Ivar smirked, exhaling the cigarette smoke from his mouth, not even turning his gaze from the lights of the city beneath him. "How did you get up here? I thought your old, lazy ass wouldn't be able to handle it."

 Floki scoffed as he moved to stand next to his protégé. "Old, lazy ass. I may be old but I could still kick your ass if I wanted too."

 Wordlessly, Ivar pulled out his cigarette carton from his suit’s pocket, taking one out and handing it to Floki. He grabbed his lighter and held it out, open palm. When Floki did not immediately take it, he glanced over to see one of the people he trusted most, staring down at the cigarette spinning between his fingers. 

 "I won't tell Helga."

 Floki giggled. "You're a bad influence on me, boy." He took the lighter and lit his cigarette, handing it back over after. 

 The two stood silently for several minutes, leaning against the railing, overlooking the city. They were at the Ragnarssons Trading headquarters, one of the taller buildings in the heart of the city. The sound of humanity floated away to a hushed background noise with how high up they stood. The upper floors of the building were restricted access, being the main offices and meeting rooms of Ragnar, his sons and others deemed important. The lower floors housed the cesspool of asinine insubordinates, those that did their limited jobs and were easily replaced. Ivar avoided those floors, not just because of the stares, or the twittering females and few males who vied for attention from the Ragnarssons in hopes of snatching one up or thinking sleeping with them as an easy way to further their careers. No, he found them all boring and beneath him. With a single look, he knew what many of them wanted, they were so easy to read, to know their simple minds. It was pathetic. 

 So, when he did come to the headquarters, he immediately headed to the upper floors. He had an office next to Torstein that he used infrequently. Most of his work he could do remotely, a blessing due to his condition and his volatile temperament. When he had work that needed extra cyber security or to delve deeper into concerns, having the multiple monitors at his office and the ability to search out his father or brothers immediately came in handy. 

 The roof of the building was his favorite place to think and plan. No one came up here but more than that, he could see everything. The city, the surrounding water, everything. He wondered if this was what the gods felt like looking down on Midgard from Valhalla. 

 Ivar exhaled, the curl of smoke slipping from his lips. "Are you coming to the meeting?"

 Floki ran a hand over his tattooed head. "Your father asked for me to come."

 "Mmmm. Know what it's about?"

 "Probably the same old boring shit."

 They chuckled, still staring over the city. Out of the corner of his eye, Ivar could see Floki tug uncomfortably on the black business suit he wore. The only reason the shipbuilder ever wore anything remotely formal was when Ragnar demanded it….and coming to the headquarters fit into the category. Ragnar liked to say that if they wanted to be taken as serious businessmen then they needed to dress the part, and it was not too difficult to wash blood out of the suits. 

 The youngest Lothbrok leaned against the railing in a charcoal gray suit, his dark hair pulled back into a man-bun. He did not mind the formal attire as much, there was a sense of prestige and strength that came with it. On more than one occasion, he had been told he presented a striking figure and he liked to use that to his advantage. Whether it was terror or arousal that his figure caused depended on the person. He knew how to control them all. 

 A vibration had Ivar pulling out his phone to see a new text from Kari. He smiled softly at her cheeky response. When asked what she was doing tonight, she said she was taking a bubble bath and reading a book. He said he did not believe her and demanded a picture as proof she was actually taking a bubble bath like a child. Now he gazed down at an image of her feet peeking out of bubbles against a porcelain bathtub. The picture was so innocent yet sensual, just like his kitten. An innocent seductress. His cock began to stiffen at the lewd ideas running rampage through his mind at the simple picture. 

 With her picture came a text.

 Kari: You should try it sometime. It's very relaxing. 

 He snorted. There was no way in hell he would ever take a bubble bath, and he figured she probably knew it. 

 Ivar: the only way I'm gtn n2 a bubble bath is if u in there w/ me

 Grinning smugly, he could imagine the flush on her cheeks at his answer as he slipped his phone back into his pocket. 

 Floki's voice interrupted his thoughts. "You going to tell me about her?"

 Ivar did not answer right away, taking a drag from his cigarette and slowly exhaling it. "Nothing to fucking tell."

 "Hmmm…. I'd bet she is the only person you smile for like that."

 "Fuck…." He ran his hand over his mouth, before turning to lean his back against the roof's railing. Floki was right and clearly knew it if the sly look said anything. It made Ivar want to knock the smirk off the madman's face with his cane, which rested on the railing next to him. 

 "This isn't like Freydis, right?" Floki quietly inquired after several minutes of companionable silence. 

 "Gods, no. She is…." He found his words trailing off, unable to articulate what Kari meant to him. 

 Freydis had been a hope for someone more than just a fuck, someone who potentially cared for him. Unfortunately, he quickly realized that she may have cared for him, but she cared more for the status and money being in a relationship with him allowed. So, they used each other. She wasted his money on frivolous things, lavishing herself with stuff she would never dream of having otherwise. He used her for fucking and to have someone on his arm when they attended events, to silence the pitying looks from others and the comments that he did not know how to please a woman. 

 After ten months though, he found himself resenting her and their relationship. It was then he broke it off with her. She cried, supposedly heartbroken but he did not care. In the months following, she tried to worm her way back into his life but he slammed the door shut, uncaring of how cruel he appeared to others. He fucked other women or had them give him blow jobs, never even taking the time to remove his leg braces or pants. They meant nothing. They were nothing. 

 But all that changed a month ago when a woman with blue-green eyes and a sweet innocence about her bumped into him…. and then confused the hell out of him when she kissed him. 

 "What's her name?" Floki asked, tapping the ash off the end of his cigarette.

 "Kari." He answered, probably sounding far softer than he meant to. After, he tilted his head to look at his surrogate father, brow furrowed. "How'd you find out?"

 "The gods told me." At Ivar's unamused look, Floki giggled. "Your brothers. They said you have a new girlfriend."

 "She's not."

 "Mmmm?"

 He sighed. "My girlfriend. She's made that very fucking clear. She keeps saying she can't be my girlfriend or she doesn't want to date right now. It's fucking infuriating!" He ripped the cigarette from his mouth, throwing it on the ground. "I don’t…. I don't fucking understand. She always says we're just friends, but I know she wants more. Sometimes I can see it when she looks at me. I don't know what to fucking do!" 

 "Why are you still wasting time on her then? She sounds like she doesn't care. Just move on from the bitch."

 "Don't you fucking call her that! And she does care! More than most people." He snarled, fists trembling at his side. When Floki only smirked at him, Ivar rolled his eyes, anger slowly abating. He played into the old man's game easily. 

 Floki dropped his own half-used cigarette, eyeing Ivar curiously. "What is it about this girl?"

 "She…. fuck…. she sees me. Not a cripple. Not some rich guy she can fuck and get stuff from. She sees... she sees me. Just me. Like you and mother. I don't….no one has looked at me like that. There's always a motive, always an angle. But not with her." The words rolled off his tongue, a dam unleashed, as if begging to have been finally uttered, to share his thoughts aloud to make sense of them. With Floki, he knew his thoughts were safe, that the man would never cruelly make fun of him. 

 "You really care about this girl."

 Ivar did not answer, the truth already hung in the air as if painted in the sky for all to see.  

 Floki moved closer, wrapping his arm around Ivar's shoulder and pressing their foreheads together. "Give her time. The gods will tell you what to do. But for fuck's sake, stop stalking her. Hvitserk made sure to tell us how you showed up at her work and home unannounced."

 Ivar chuckled, mirroring Floki's action. "Hvitty better keep his fucking hands off her."

 "He will. He sees how important she is to you." Floki leaned back, that stupid grin on his face. "When do I get to meet her?"

 "Why the hell do you think I'd let her meet your insane ass? She'd take one look at you and run away."

 "She puts up with your stupidity. I'd be an improvement for her." 

 "Fuck off." Ivar laughed, throwing a mock punch at the man. "I've only known her for a month."

 "But it feels longer, right?"

 Ivar startled at the soft tone Floki used, like he knew exactly how Ivar felt. For once, he wondered if this was how Helga and Floki’s relationship felt. His tone was just as quiet, almost reverent as he answered. "Yeah."

 "Don't do something stupid and lose her. Meet her where she is. Be her friend if that's what she wants. She seems good for you."

 "Where is this wisdom coming from?" Ivar scoffed, running a hand over the braids on top of his head. 

 "I've always been wise, you just don't listen, pretentious asshole."

 "No, it's Helga that's the wise one."

 "My sweet Helga certainly is." Floki clapped a hand on Ivar's shoulder. "Come on, the meeting will be starting soon. I was sent to find your crippled ass."

 "Why the fuck are we talking then?"

 "I wanted to hear about this girl. From the sounds of it, you'll start waxing poetic sonnets about the poor girl soon and the gods will certainly…."

 "Shut the fuck up." 

 Talking casually about the latest boat Floki was working on building back home in Norway, they headed towards the meeting room attached to Ragnar's office. The trip from the roof to the meeting room should have been quick but Ivar moved slowly, leaning heavily on his cane. He knew the whites of his eyes had an alarming shade of blue. He had seen it that morning when he looked in the mirror but even more so, he could feel it in his bones. It felt as if with one simple misstep, he would break a bone. The fragility of his body was never more evident than on these days. 

 He loathed it. 

 Thankfully, Floki made no comments about Ivar's eyes or his slow, measured gait. Instead he talked, making sure to hold doors open and continued in his loping walk as if they were on a leisurely stroll. He did comment about how nice Ivar's cane was and asked if he had used it on anyone recently. 

 The cane had been a gift from Floki three years ago for his birthday. It appeared to be an expensive cane made up of an ebony tapered shaft and sterling silver handle with a snarling wolf's head. What only a few knew was that if Ivar twisted the handle and pulled, a long, slender knife came out, the blade attached to the handle. Plus, the shaft of the cane was reinforced with a sturdy material, making it easily used as a blunt force object without fear of it bending or denting. Floki had said long ago that one should never be without a weapon, and the cane was his way of ensuring Ivar followed that sentiment. 

 The private meeting room of Ragnar was a spacious corner room with two walls made up of floor-to-ceiling windows, a dark hardwood flooring and deep green walls. A single slab wooden oak table was the centerpiece of the room, with cushioned chairs around it. Currently all those seats were filled besides two, signifying that Floki and Ivar were the last to arrive at the meeting. 

 Ragnar Lothbrok looked up as they entered the meeting room, appearing both suave and intimidating in his gray business suit and hair plaited. "Where have you two been?" He narrowed his piercing eyes at Floki. "I thought Helga wanted you to stop smoking."

 "Your son is very convincing." Floki shrugged. 

 The patriarch's lips twitched in a suppressed smirk. He waved at the almost full table. "Sit. Let's get this started."

 At the beginning of each month, Ragnar liked to meet with his sons and few trusted advisors to review the past month and discuss anything important in the future. It was his way of checking in with progress and making sure everyone was doing their jobs, while keeping all informed. Ivar typically found the meetings boring and a waste of time, but he made sure to attend them like a dutiful son. 

 In this particular meeting, Ragnar discussed how he would be meeting with Ecbert of Saxon Industries in a week, an impromptu decision but Ecbert had insisted of its necessity. 

 Ivar rolled his eyes but kept his thoughts to himself. He knew by the way Floki clenched and unclenched his fist on Ivar's left that he felt the same way. A glance at his brothers showed the two latecomers were not the only skeptical ones. Ecbert and Ragnar had a mutual respect for one another but it did not stop them from betraying and trying to sabotage each other's businesses when it pleased them. Aella, who ran the Northern part of Saxon Industries, made no qualms about showing his disdain for Ragnar and his family, labeling them nothing more than "power-mongering, bloodthirsty heathens who allowed their animalistic tendencies to rule them". 

 To say there was bad blood between Ragnar and his sons with Aella was an understatement. 

 Years prior, Saxon Industries had been the leader in imports and exports in the United Kingdom and Ireland but all that changed once Ragnar set his gaze upon those shores. Now, Ragnarssons Trading was the powerhouse of the United Kingdom, Scandinavia, and France, with that influence expanding even more as trade flourished around the Mediterranean.  

 Saxon Industries was forced to turn their ventures to North America, something that caused resentment from both Ecbert and Aella, even if Aella was the only one vocal about it. 

 Ivar personally thought they should just wipe out the competition, utterly destroy Saxon Industries until it held no hope of recovery. It would also send the perfect message to any who tried to compete against them in the future. 

 At the conclusion of the meeting, Ivar rose from his seat, still moving slower than normal. He could feel the tenderness in his muscles and bones. A silent threat to his body. The concerned looks from those around did not help. It only happened every few months now, but he still hated the pitying looks. 

 "Ivar, I need to speak with you." Ragnar announced, momentarily breaking off his conversation with Torstein and Sigurd at the head of the table. Ivar nodded his understanding. With a muted groan, he sat back down in the plush chair and pulled out his phone.

 "Want me to wait for you?" Hvitserk asked, coming to his side. 

 "Nah, go ahead. I'll see you at home."

 Hvitserk gently clapped him on the shoulder then leaned down to whisper smugly. "Tell Kari hello from me."

 "Fuck off!" Ivar said, making his elder brother laugh as he walked out. 

 Speaking of, Ivar opened his phone to view the response from Kari to his previous message.

 Kari: unbelievable. 

 For a second, he considered replying but closed out of the text. At this late hour, she would already be asleep due to how early she regularly woke up. Instead he decided to wait until the morning to reply. 

 Soon enough, everyone trickled out of the meeting room leaving him alone with his father. Once it was just the two of them, Ivar watched as the confident, composed expression typical on his father's face slid away to reveal something more haggard. He straightened in his chair when his father walked across the room and pointedly closed and locked the doors before taking the seat next to him. 

 Ragnar rubbed a hand down his face, gazing out the open window before them. A sudden falling star streaked across the sky, momentarily distracting Ivar from his impatience, which thudded in his chest like a drum, growing louder and louder each moment his father kept them locked in silence. 

 "What I'm going to tell you does not leave this room. If you have any questions, you come to me directly. Understood?"

 Turning his head to eye his father with intrigue, Ivar nodded. "Understood."

 Only after that did Ragnar shift to meet Ivar's intense blue eyes with his own. "Our security system caught an email being sent out which contained an itemized list of some shipments we will be sending next month to our friends in Finland."

 Ivar's eyebrows rose. About ninety percent of Ragnarssons Trading was legal, something his father was very proud of considering how the company started. That hidden ten percent, it allowed them to stay connected to the black market and underground trading, to know things before they happened. Most recently they had made contact with a new buyer from Finland who had an affinity for certain illegal weapons. 

 Ragnar leaned forward, rubbing a hand over his mouth before continuing as if it pained him to utter the words. "It seems the damn email was supposed to be encrypted but somehow never fully transitioned, leaving half of it legible. We know it was sent from this building."

 "Do you know who the recipient was?"

 "The Russian mafia in Thailand."

 Ivar sharply inhaled, his mind furiously working on the implications, plus what their next steps should be. "What do you want me to do?"

 "I want you to find out who the fuck is selling us out. By any means necessary….and I want to burn them alive."

 A sinister grin grew on Ivar's face, matching the one on his father's. 

 "Consider it done."

 "Good." Ragnar absent-mindedly tapped the table with his fist. "This is your main priority but completely confidential, not even a word to your brothers."

 "You think it's one of them?"

 "No, but we don't know who is close to them that it might be." Ragnar reassured.

 Ivar rubbed a hand over his mouth as he thought, eyes drifting to the window. "I'll trace from my office. If the need arises, I'll go to Norway with Mother."

 "Good. You've never failed me. I know you won't in this."

 Ivar's heart swelled at the praise, something he rarely received from his ambitious and frequently absent father, especially during his childhood. 

 After a long moment, Ragnar reclined back in his chair, a small smirk on his face. "Your eyes are blue."

 "They are always blue, courtesy of your genetics." Ivar retorted harshly, already knowing where this was going. 

 "You know what I mean, Ivar." His father flatly stated. "If you break something, your mother will be breathing down both of our necks."

 "I'm not a fucking child, I can take care of myself."

 Ragnar hummed, seeming amused by his son's antagonized state. "Don't come into the office tomorrow."

 "I'll do whatever the fuck I want to."

 "Start whatever you want, but for gods' sake, stay in bed where you can rest. If I get a call that you're in the damn hospital with a broken bone, I'll break something else on you." He threatened, pointing a finger at his son.

 Ivar sneered, "Mother will skin you alive."

 Ragnar chuckled darkly, leaning back once again. "No, her style would be to sabotage me somehow. Now get out of here. Your brothers planned on going out for drinks tonight, are you going to join them?"

 He opened his mouth to answer when an impulsive idea latched itself in his mind. "No…." He answered slowly, a wicked smirk curled on his lips. "I think I'm going to bed."

 "Alright."

 Ivar rose, leaning on his cane. After taking a few steps away, he turned back to see his father watching him curiously. "Doesn't mean it's going to be my bed."

 With that, he walked out of the meeting room to the sound of Ragnar laughing loudly behind him.  

 *****

 He closed the bedroom door silently behind him, pleased with how the house remained quiet as he moved about. It was nearing two in the morning and the last thing he wanted was the police called with the neighbors thinking he was a burglar or something ridiculous. 

 Gently, he leaned his cane against the wall then proceeded to slip his shoes and shirt off. He dropped them on the floor, overly aware of any noise he made. Carefully, he maneuvered to the side of the bed, feeling very much like a thief in the night though he ignored it, and eased his legs out of his braces, setting them on the ground. Next, he slid under the rumpled covers, pleased when the bed's other occupant did not wake. His heart pounded in his chest though it did not deter his actions, if anything the forbidden feel spurred him on. Laying on his side, he placed his arm around her. Cautious of his body, he scooted closer to her until his chest was to her back. Before he could fully relax, she began to stir. 

 "Mmmm?"

 He tenderly placed a kiss on the back of her neck before murmuring. "Shhh, go to sleep."

 "Ivar?" Kari asked sleepily, her body tensing under his touch. 

 "Yes. Go back to sleep."

 At his words, she twisted in his arms to face him, his arm still over her waist comfortably. He could hear the sleep fading from her voice. "What? What are you doing here?"

 "Trying to sleep." He answered coolly, a flash of irritation shooting through him. Why was she questioning him? All he wanted to do right now was sleep with her in his arms. The increasing pain in his traitorous body made him want to lash out. To demand she shut up and let them sleep. He bit his tongue before the venom could erupt. Logically he knew his presence was unexpected and surprising at this hour, but he had hoped she would be more excited to see him. 

 "That…. what? How did you get into my house?" She demanded, trying to wriggle out of his hold but to no avail. 

 "I have a key."

 That easy statement made her freeze. "You have a key…." She slowly repeated. After a moment, she sighed, relaxing back into his embrace. "You know what, I'm too tired. We'll talk about that fact in the morning. Why are you here though?"

 Maybe it was the darkness surrounding them or the enticing sleepy voice of hers, either way he found himself answering honestly…. a bit too honestly. He pressed his forehead to hers, closing his eyes as he quietly confessed. "I missed you….and I don't want to be alone."

 They laid there for several seconds in a tense silence. Even though she did not pull away from him, he could practically feel her over-thinking. If she told him to leave right now, he wondered if his dark heart would splinter. Over the past month she had become so vitally important to him. When he first met her, his interest had been fueled by lust plus the mystery and innocent aura around her. He wanted her. Now though, it had moved beyond want. It was a need. As much as he needed air to breathe, his mind and body coveted her. She somehow slipped past his guarded heart to entangle herself in his very core. Her presence soothed the violence that controlled his mind, she gentled his rage. She cared about him, not because of who or what he was, like everyone else. No, she cared about him as his own person, as simply Ivar. 

 Finally, she spoke in a resigned whisper. "Fine. Go to sleep, Ivar."

 "I was trying to but someone kept asking me questions." He quipped, in hopes to hide the joy and relief in his voice. 

 She grumbled, then turned over and tried to move away from him but he was not going to have that. Not now. Not where he wanted her to be after so long. Where she deserved to be. With the arm around her waist, he pulled himself against her until they were spooning. At first, she attempted to fight him, squirming away, but after a few moments she surrendered. A barely suppressed chuckle escaped him, as he tightened his hold on her. She felt so perfect in his arms, like the gods created her to fit flawlessly against him, two puzzle pieces that finally found their match. He pressed his face into her hair, nuzzling into her. His elation only increased when her fingers intertwined with his that were splayed just under her breasts. A fond smile danced on his lips at her acceptance. 

 Within moments, he felt her go limp against him, sleep consuming her one again. He lightly kissed the back of her neck, pleased when he thought he heard a content hum come from her at the action.

 Knowing his kitten, there would be hell to pay come morning, but for now, he needed this. Her body against his, to feel her heartbeat, to know she was safe. It was something that was no longer optional. He felt a man possessed, bewitched. Everything about her cast him under her spell- her beauty, her friendship, her tenderness towards him, the silly ways she made him laugh, and how she stood up for him. She was his. His responsibility. His devotion. His peace. His kitten. His alone. 

 "God natt, min skatt." He whispered against her skin. (Good night, my treasure)

 It did not take long for him to follow her into sleep, more at peace in this moment than he had been for in years.

[ask-jumblr]

Proposed blog changes: move to Reddit

While I enjoy personally blogging on tumblr, it has many disadvantages for this blog’s format... For some time, I’d been thinking about moving this blog to another platform and I keep coming back to Reddit.

What does this mean?

I’m going to wait 7-10 days for people to comment on the idea of a Reddit move before doing absolutely anything.

If you have used Reddit as a regular user and/or as a community moderator: Do you think it would be a good fit? Do you have any tips?

If you don’t have a Reddit account or would want to make a separate one: Would you be willing to make a new account to engage with this community?

If we proceed, think on: What are some ground rules we might want to set for users? for moderators? What might be a good name? Would you be interested in being a moderator?

The ask box is staying open, and I will still be queueing asks. However, it may take me a while to catch up, I will not be reblogging asks, and I won’t be trying to keep a super consistent queue. The ask box will remain open unless and until there is a clear transition plan.

I intend to keep my personal tumblr. I like it here--I just don’t think here is the right home for this blog.

Why Move to Reddit?

1. Better community tools around banning

It’s hard for me to stop someone from using this blog to spam and harass others. (1) On Tumblr, my only tool is blocking. In Reddit, there are some more nuanced tools. (2) On Tumblr, it can be tricky to message people to discuss their behavior, and any resulting warnings or consequences. On Reddit, there are some built-in tools for making sure admins and moderators can reach out in these cases.

2. Better community tools for informing new users

On Tumblr, there isn’t a great way for me to introduce new users to how this blog works. On Tumblr, I can’t pin a post, I am limited to a fairly tiny description on the homepage, and people on mobile can’t always find the pages for rules, guidelines, explanations, archives. etc. On Reddit, there are better ways to inform new users of how the community works, including community descriptions and pinned posts.

3. Better mobile interface

I am yet to hear any concerns about Reddit mobile limiting features. If I’m wrong about this, please let me know.

4. Easier collaboration for moderators

Reddit is built for multiple moderators and approving posts/comments in ways that Tumblr just isn’t. There are whole systems for approving outside posts, for moderators to chat as a group, and for reminding people of rules.

I am not expanding the moderating team on Tumblr, but with a move to Reddit I would try to bring in some new moderators. This would have some added bonuses:

Content can come out faster!

More perspectives and fewer insulting goofs when handling Jewish people who aren’t me! I so often don’t know about different Jewish groups, perspectives, and overlapping identities. With a bigger team, more perspectives and identities could be represented.

No weird conflict from me of Should I answer a question on a post I’m also moderating?

5. Less Repeating Ourselves

We get a lot of repeat and semi-repeat questions, but archiving and search are pretty awful on here. I never know whether people have seen those similar asks and still want answers to their own question, or whether those asks were enough.

Often, on mobile, people can’t view the archive I’ve been building. I’m under the impression that a subreddit’s pages are still viewable on Reddit mobile.

Tumblr’s search is also terrible--I regularly can’t find a post on here that I know exists. I’ve played around some with Reddit's search and have found that it actually works.

6. Better Conversations on questions

When reading this blog, people rely a lot on the notes. In Reddit, the platform is the notes. While up/downvoting have some downsides, I believe that we can find ways to work those out.

7. Retain anonymity from ‘outside’ identity

I know that many users appreciate their account being separate from their life ‘outside’ this corner of the internet. For some users, this is an important safety concern. For better or worse, Reddit is known for being separate from ‘real life’ and its connected internet activity like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Linked-In. While brings me to my next point...

8. More functional balance of anonymity and privacy

I very, very often, wished I could just message an anon to clarify. For understandable reasons, that just isn’t possible. However, taking the anon feature away would make it much, much harder for people with sensitive questions to send them in:

On Tumblr, people can’t send in an ask from a ‘sideblog’ created just for that purpose. If I turned off the anon feature, people would have two choices for relative anonymity from their main blog (A) message me with a sideblog using the tiny chat and hope I post it or (B) make a whole separate account with another email address.

In Reddit, option A (message a mod) is a little easier. The chat function simply works better.

And Reddit provides a much improved parallel to option B (new, separate account). Reddit allows one person to make multiple, independent accounts under the same email. In other words, you don’t need another email address to make an independent account to send in a question.

9. Not any worse?

While Reddit is notorious for being unchecked, Tumblr is also a cesspool of Nazis...

Some Final Notes:

There are already some corners of Reddit with features similar to this blog, but they aren’t an entirely question-based environment like this blog. This blog was in part made (spoiler alert?) to be a non-terrible version of “God Save Us From Your Opinion” on Facebook. Reddit would be a much better platform than Facebook or Tumblr for that purpose.

This blog was also created* to provide an outlet for the many asks that I and other Jewish blogs get on tumblr. Moving platforms would...not be ideal for diverting those asks...thoughts?

* mild clarification edit

[locuas642]

Some more thoughts to The Twitter Discourse

Giving it some more thought to the “Twitter banning Trump is fascism” meltdown from the far-right. Particularly, there are two things that come to mind for me.

First of all, there is the idea that Twitter (and facebook... and spotify) banning Trump is an ideological move meant to silence Trump and allies for his political beliefs. a Political Move.

It is not. it’s a commercial move. They are doing it for the exact same reason they have waited for four years before trying to apply any sort of meaningful control on the cesspool that is Far-Right Twitter. Only difference is that before now they wanted “Engagement at all costs” to do whatever and allow whatever it took to make people use Twitter, which Trump and his croonies brought.

Now, however, it’s bad PR to have Qanon and Nazis in your platform laughing at how much they wanted the people in the capitol to die in the riots. It’s commercially bad for them to let that be. ergo Trump gets the ban as an attempt to keep face.

This is not new nor a moral nor ideological move. It’s twitter doing what Twitter has always done. Which Republicans are only now noticing because it had a meaningful impact for them (that being said, I will still drink and enjoy the tears of every republican crying censorship right now).

And because the right can only conceive actions that affects them negatively as political attacks, this weird idea Twitter is some sort of Left-leaning entity out to get them.

Second. WHat I have also noticed is this whole “Twitter shows how much powerful big tech has become” and how it has “completely silenced the president of the US”

Setting aside what Free Speech actually is and the means Trump still has to communicate with people. I want to focus on one specific thing. The idea that this event, this action shows some sort of astounding power in the hands of Twitter.

That Twitter silenced the president of the United States and we should be scared of what this means if they can silence someone that powerful.

Except it is not. Because Trump is not the president anymore.

Yes, he is technically the president until the 20th. It doesn’t matter. In practical terms, he is simply the soon-to-be former president. Since the Runoffs went for the Dems, Nothing Trump does as of right now is irreversible. And other than his calls for violence and trying to be as bothersome as possible, Trump’s position of power has slowly decreased as the day when he is scorted out of the white house grows closer.

At this point in time, to treat him as the same as a president in the prime of his presidency is merely a formality and a form of etiquette. But he no longer posses any actual presidential power to use against Twitter or the like.

So why this idea? that him being banned is a bad sign for all future presidents?

I think half of the people crying are desperately trying to hide the weakness this ban shows. it’s not that Trump no longer matters, it’s that Twitter is THAT powerful. It’s necessary to frame it this ways because it’s the only way to hide how Trump’s power is crumbling beneat his feet.

The other half honestly, genuinely believes it. that this is a battle of titans and that Trump, this all powerful person who WILL continue his presidency instead of Biden, suffered a loss against Twitter. to them Trump is still as powerful as always and that Twitter is retaliating and showing their “true power” because Trump did not bow to the “deep states” overlords.

[quakerjoe]

LAST CALL ON FACEBOOK

I’m done. I’ve had it with Facebook, so fuck this shit; I’m out. Here’s the final publication...

THE LAST CUPPA JOE SERVED ON FACEBOOK:  TUESDAY 10 MARCH 2020

Perhaps you’ve noticed that it’s been quiet around here despite all the political excitement. If you’ve guessed “He’s in facebook jail again”, you’d be right. Being put in a childish “time out” because I pissed off someone who came to MY page uninvited is the name of today’s game, and I’m done with it. I already lost the original Quaker Joe page with well over 10,000 followers without an opportunity to say good-bye, so I’m doing so here and now to you all and to share some final thoughts about what I’ve learned about America, its people, and the political process in a collection of simple, straightforward observations. Here it goes.

First, it has become abundantly clear that America simply does NOT want to make this “a more perfect union” as prescribed in the Constitution that everyone claims to hold so dear. My whole life I’ve watched the GOP sink the economy and destroy civil rights and worker & environmental protections while making massive money grabs. While doing so, they’ve enacted shit laws to benefit the rich while screwing “the help”, meaning YOU in general.

This brings me to “Democrats are feckless” and suck-ass at delivering a clear message or any sort of show of strength. While they’re busy trying to clean up the mess left by the GOP every turn of the tide, the GOP points at them and they shout “Look at the mess the Dems are responsible for!” and Dems say nothing. Civility, I guess. It only goes so far before you get the reputation for being wimps. You know, like today.

Democrats are yesterday’s Republicans. They’re scared, angry and afraid of taking chances. Bold leaders like Bernie Sanders want to bring us ALL to a new, all-time high. Democrats are now his #1 enemy, trying to tear an honest man down. “He hasn’t accomplished anything” the same way Jesus didn’t in the N.T. No, I’m not comparing the two, but it’s funny how a “Christian Nation” isn’t rallying behind a Jew who is a former carpenter and is trying to lead a movement to tend to the poor and heal the sick. Fuck, Bernie could walk on water and turn water into wine all while bringing a dead man back to life and the Dems AND GOPers would still shit on him.

Liz Warren. She’s a brand. Granted, her brand is taking a royal shit on the rich and powerful by calling them out on their bullshit, and she used to be a hero to me, but we’ve got to face it- she ignored the call in 2016 when Bernie urged her to run for POTUS. She was either afraid of Clinton or she was playing the “But I’m A Woman” card and secretly wanted to back HRC. Either way, Warren was out for Warren, not a Progressive agenda and clearly wasn’t behind the cause. When Sanders picked up the torch for the Progressive Cause, she fucked him over and backed HRC, all while calling herself a Progressive. Again, she saw HRC as the inevitable victor and ponied up with her, probably hoping for a cabinet position. She’s doing it now, only more cautiously. This round, however, she thought it smart to shit all over Sanders EARLY in the game and when she did it cost her and her campaign tanked. She’s dropped out. So why hasn’t she openly endorsed Sanders, a fellow Progressive? She won’t. She’s waiting to throw in with Biden after the Primaries and we ALL know it. She’s no champion of the Progressive cause. She’s a brand and she’s looking out for her own ass and nothing more. She’s fallen from grace, if she ever truly had some. She WAS GOP before and clearly nothing’s changed much.

Biden. Fuck me, are we seriously considering fronting this next generation “W”? Why not just hand the election to trump now and get it over with. 2016 all over again. He’s already lining up his potential cabinet with Wall St. tycoons, and has OPENLY admitted that he’s going to slash Social Security (even though the Fed. OWES it a fuck-tonne of payback from all the times it has dipped into YOUR paid-in benefits) and Medicaid/Medicare, but do Americans find this a threat? With typical GOP mentality on BOTH sides of the aisle, it’s only a threat when a Dem. wants to do it, but if the GOP tries, well then it’s all good and fine. Biden is a fucking REPUBLICAN. Just because he CLAIMS to be a Dem, it doesn’t make him so. He’s racist, and twats like Kamala backing him already after the whole “I was that little girl” jab in the debates only shows that she’s not for “We the People” but her own ass. Shocker.

I could go through the list of formerly anti-Biden hypocrites who’ve jumped on board to support Biden and shit on Sanders. All the moneylenders are organizing and ganging up on the ONE true delegate trying to save YOU and not the RICH. Again, this is a CLEAR example of how America doesn’t WANT to be saved.

This has taught me that Americans are not only deluded and hypocritical, as a people in general, but that they seem to LOVE being put into position of strife and misery. It’s where they’re the happiest; embracing the stupidity and ignorance instead of trying to find a way to make us ALL safer, healthier, and happier. Americans HATE being happy with the “others” are happy too. Instead of reaching down to help a fellow American up, it’s the “American Way” to punch down and blame the poor and powerless for their own failings while the rich at the top keep pissing and shitting down on them all while making money grabs.

Next, there’s all this infantile bullshit about “Bernie Bros”. Seriously, shut the fuck up. Hypocrisy in action, yet again is what this is. I’ve found in my personal experience that if I call out another Dem on their bullshit, I’m labeled a “BB”. No matter how you try to point out how Pelosi’s asleep at the wheel or Schumer’s a babbling idiot or how Biden’s a declining fuckwit who can’t string words together and that trump will eat him alive on the debates if he’s the nominee, because I back Sanders, I AM THE ONE getting labeled. The media and the fuckwits out there who are tender little snowflakes who can’t handle criticism or having dirt on their picks dug up and called out cry and cry and cry until someone puts an admin in FB jail for days or even weeks or months.

So to them I say- “Fuck ALL y’all!” I’m done here. Cry me a river because I’m sailing off of Facebook and leaving you all with this cesspool of social mania run by a cunt who backs trump. It’s bad enough knowing that the game is rigged when electing who’ll be our nominee in the Dem. party, but it’s fucking stupid trying to fight the battle here on social media when there are thousands of people following who don’t have a problem with my postings, the description WARNS that I cuss here, yet it only takes one or two fucktards to shut down your page. Fuck this bullshit. I’ve got better shit to do, and my posts on other platforms like Tumblr and even Twitter never get me blocked or locked out. Childish as this whole notion of social media is, at least virtually every other platform is infinitely less riddled with whingers, bitchers and cry-babies who can’t take the heat and instead of clicking to go elsewhere they feel the need to fuck up a page. Enough is enough.

So for those of you who’ve even made it this far and still want to follow me, you can find me on Tumblr, a much more grown-up platform, here at https://quakerjoe.tumblr.com/. If you’re into Twitter (yuck) I’m there too for who knows what reason. https://twitter.com/QuakerJoe2020 will get you to me. I hope to see you all at one of those places. It’s been a real adventure and learning experience, but all I’ve learned is that America is a dirty, filthy nation with a dark and sinister past that it refuses to acknowledge and accept, let alone apologize for because admitting that you’re wrong is UNAMERICAN. Trying to do some form of penance is considered weakness, and turning to truth instead of lies and deceits only leads to the revelation that you’re all up to your eyeballs in selfishness, racism, misogyny, all sorts of phobias, and that you’re only happy as a nation in general when you’re literally given the liberty to tear each others throats out legally.

Good-bye, Facebook. I hope you ALL get a chance to get the fuck out and perhaps regain some sanity one day because if there’s one thing that trumplefuckstick did that was good, it was that he took off the covers and the gilded paint and showed us all what Americans REALLY are, it we’re not pretty.

-Quaker Joe

[9or10allgood]

I love Tumblr.  Far more than Facebook, which has become a seething morass of political partisanship, and while I’m all about seething partisanship when it’s discussed by people willing to engage their intellects, I’m less so when “debate” means posting memes and gifs which are, let’s be honest, the electronic equivalent of saying “nanny nanny boo boo”.

Anyway… Tumblr.  You can, to some degree, control your content.  If you are, like I am, mildly (*snort*) obsessed with a certain tall, lanky, Scottish actor, you can find like-minded individuals and follow them and bask in his glory to your heart’s content.  Likewise, you can follow fandoms based on television shows and movies and plays and music… and you get my point.  You’re all here so, of course, you do.

And, if you are interested in things like politics or social issues or the environment or science or all of the above (and more), that content is also readily available on Tumblr.

Generally speaking, I find the folks on Tumblr to be considerably more relaxed and open and accepting than on Facebook.  I attribute that, for the most part, to the members being mostly younger.  I’m a great believer in young people.  The future belongs to them and I am, present circumstances notwithstanding, mostly optimistic about the future. 

I’m a Boomer.  I was born eleven years after the end of WWII. (Good Lord, I feel old!)  There were no twenty-four-hour television or radio stations, and the internet wasn’t even conceived of, even by the most forward thinkers. Doctors still made housecalls as a matter of course.  Milk was still delivered to your door every morning.   The polio vaccine was still being tested.  Putting a man on the moon was a science fiction fantasy.  

As a generation, we “Boomers” were guilty of a lot of things, beginning with not quickly enough shedding some of the baggage from the generation before us. We were still largely segregated and we are paying the price still and we will until - I don’t know how long and that disturbs me more than I can say.  We were too quick to distrust the other - just ask the immigrants that came to these shores during and after the War.  There was a dear older lady in my church when I was in high school.  A kinder, more charitable, more joyful woman you could never hope to meet.  She was a German war bride - met an American soldier and they fell in love and married and he brought her home to his small, south Georgia hometown.  Their first decade was tough - folks were slow to forget and she was sometimes ostracized.  Even when I knew her, people would sometimes refer to her (in lowered tones) as Leroy’s German frau.  

We were abysmal when it came to the environment.  I mean, look at the cars we drove in the sixties and seventies before the oil crisis forced a turn toward economy cars.  Gasoline was $.37 a gallon - and that was hi-test!  What did it matter that my mother’s 1971 Mercury Grand Marquis land yacht only got 11 miles to the gallon?  Gender equality?  Seriously?  Gender Identity?!?!?  How you came out of the womb is what you were.  Period.  And if your family had that special uncle or the aunt with a Very Close Friend, well, it just wasn’t talked about, was it…

On the other hand, there were things we did do.   That social conscience that drives our society today?  You can thank those who loudly and visibly protested the Vietnam War for a lot of it.  Sure, there were anti-war movements always, but the Vietnam War lit a fire that, with the availability of news cameras and microphones and news cycles, burned hot and bright until the last helicopter departed the US Embassy in Saigon on April 30, 1975.  And when the war was over, there were plenty of other things to get riled up about:  the environment, women’s rights, the right to choose, civil rights, gay rights.  Anger over things that are wrong today didn’t just start in the 2000s.  A lot of us - and I mean a lot!  - have been pissed off for a while.

Putting a man on the moon belongs to the generation before the Boomers, obviously, but the drive to continue space exploration - the space shuttle, the probes that are still sailing toward places beyond our solar system, the International Space Station, the Hubble telescope - belong to us.  Medical advances?  Advances in diabetic screening and treatment, the MRI, treatment of HIV/AIDS… Cancer research was largely theoretical until the ‘70s.  The idea of DNA re-sequencing as a therapeutic treatment?  Late ‘70’s.

And as for culture?  My generation embraced the idea of embracing the accoutrements of other cultures.  Clothing, jewelry, hairstyles, music, food… we were all about it.  I see people commenting on “cultural appropriation” as if it’s a bad thing.  We - my generation - considered it to be a tangible form of acceptance.  

(As an aside, I have a dear friend who is battling uterine cancer.  She has lost all of her hair due to chemotherapy.  On one of her “good days”, she and her family took in an Indian (the country) festival and, while she was there, saw an artist creating henna tattoos.  On impulse, she asked the woman to create one for her scalp.  It was a masterpiece, absolutely glorious, and it gave my friend so much of her joy back.  For the first time, she was proud to show herself without a wig or scarf.  I think if I’d heard anyone say anything about “cultural appropriation”, I would have punched them in the mouth.)

My point to this ramble is this.  Lately, I’ve been seeing anti-Boomer things on Tumblr.  Boomers are rude.  Boomers are backward.  Boomers are outdated.  And while I get that it’s just a thing for generations to complain about each other, it’s the absolutism that I see that bothers me.  When I was young and dealing with my parents’ generation, I didn’t consign the whole kit and kaboodle to the Dark Ages.  And, from my viewpoint as an older person, I don’t heave a great sigh and clutch my pearls over the entirety of the Gen X'ers, the Millennials (raised one!), or the Gen Z'ers.  I may get annoyed with one or two individuals and have a sudden urge to shake my cane and yell “get off my lawn, whippersnapper!” but I manage to contain myself.  (There was the young man in the electronics department at WalMart who, in his most condescending manner, asked me if I knew what a USB port was.   I wanted to tell him that I’d been working with computers since before his father first bought his mother a malt at the chocolate shoppe.  Instead, I just gave him The Look™ and he mumbled an apology.)

Absolutism about anything is corrosive.  I mean, think about it.  It lies at the heart of so many of the evils that are tearing at us now.  It feeds the desire to hate all of the “other” because of a crime perpetrated by one or a few.  Wars result from this kind of thinking.  Down through history, you see it.  And it’s so much more easily spread now with social media.  Again, I would abandon FB altogether - except that it’s how I keep up with the folks back home - because it’s become a political, partisan, largely unintelligent cesspool.  All because those on the Left believe that those on the Right are the Minions of Satan and those on the Right think that those on the Left are Bloodsucking Snowflakes.  And, of course, they don’t all think that, but it’s so easy to click a “Like” or a “Share” without really thinking about the message they are sending, and before you know it things are out of control and we’ve put a dictator wannabe in the bloody Oval Office!

(Sorry.  I’m still upset.)

There are those who ask why boomers are offended.  I mean, “ok boomer” is just a joke, right?  Well, yeah, but that same reasoning has been applied to how many derogatory labels.   (I read one comment that “Boomer” isn’t an ageist slur. Except it kinda is, y'know?)  And, again, it spreads and it gets blown out of proportion and there are those who are just ready to jump on a bandwagon - any bandwagon! - and the next thing you know, it’s trending on Twitter and we’ve got one more thing to get mad about that shouldn’t be anything at all because there are so many other things that we really should be mad about and trying to do something about…

Do you get my point?  

If someone of any generation gets on your last good nerve, by all means, express yourself.  (Short of violence, obviously.)  But ease up on projecting the “they’re all bad" mentality.  It isn’t true.  It doesn’t make anything easier.  And we’re all better than that.

Aren’t we?

[ghxstgvrlx]

I’m sorry I fucking hate twitter

It’s a cesspool and it breeds hatred I swear

Also I think people don’t realize that politicians mostly using twitter is weird still.

Like they are going to have to add tweets from presidents in history books. Is that something we enjoy? I don’t. I don’t know. I don’t need to know every little quip and thought important figures have. Also on this note, too many people feel like they’ve done something to help society with just a tweet and it doesn’t work like that. I think it gives people an “out” to not mean what they say or to retweet something and feel like they contributed. When in reality all those tweets get lost in a sea of internet and when we go back and look at not so current current events it all gets muddled with that nonsense.

Also like I said, it’s too easy the way it’s set up for people to have a false sense of superiority or importance from just having “successful tweets”.

Every platform has a different vibe and culture and I just have never enjoyed the kind of vain and hateful undertone that twitter has always had. But, to each his own.

I also think it gives people more ability to bully more effectively and I think people undersell just how much hostility it creates.

Tumblr to me is something different. Though it may not “do” what it “did” when it first started I still just think the users are more free. Also? I know I’m not the only one who likes tumblr sexuality more. Like twitter is so official and Everytime I’ve ever gone on there and found like an OF creator posting their content to redirect them to their OF account I’ve been just bored immediately. Like what is sexy about paying 2.99 for a video of a blowjob? Or having it set up l Ike that. Tumblr at least has a mystery, a vibe and it doesn’t all have to be just one person doing things, it’s more of a collective. Porn has gotten to advanced. No one is fucking they way they used to and they’re not having babies either. Twitter and porn and OF are cancer for that. Think I’m overreacting? Just watch what would happen if you shut them down, how many people who have to actually go get a lover or fall in love or at least just not spend every waking hour fapping. It gets boring having it handed and spoon fed to you like that. It’s too easy. It gets boring fast. (In my opinion) also no mystique. I think people have forgotten than a big part of remaining sexy or keeping an air of sexuality with people you want to keep it with, if you give everything away like that it’s just not that fun. There’s no chase. There’s no reward. It eventually feels robotic. What’s sexy about that? Nothing. Not to me at least. I’m grossed out I’m not gonna lie. I never got on twitter ever because I didn’t have a desire or reason to and the couple times I have in the past it’s really been a punch in the face Everytime whether it’s bombardment of politically charged current events or organization’s collectively bullying and doxxing people, quick little not well thought out ideas and everyone I’ve ever found attractive selling their soul for that papa. It’s gross. It’s boring. I hate that everything is served to you on a fucking plate. You should have to work for your entertainment. You should have to scroll through someone’s art and find them interesting and you should have to work to see someone you have a huge crush on naked. That’s not a slut shaming thing, it’s not a moral judgment, it’s an opinion lol I just find it less fun, less attractive.

Idk I’m just ranting? This is just gonna get lost in my blog anyway idc rn

It seems like there's more positivity on Tumblr than other platforms (*cough*Twitter*cough*). Like, you can say "I love you, bestie." without anyone calling you corny or childish.

Y'know what? Reblog this to let your besties know you love them.

[gothamloveforever]

This is the second article that Film Daily has published about Gotham.

Gotham is an innovative show based on DC Comics characters and produced by Warner Bros. Television. The Batman origin narrative helped us, as rapt viewers understand how our favorite heroes (Batman) and villains (The Joker, Penguin) came to be the way they are. It also cast a light on just how Gotham City became the wretched crime-filled cesspool we all know & love.

Despite general network issues (the old “being moved to a much worse timeslot” thing), Gotham’s fanbase managed to rally Fox into renewing the show for a fifth and final season – a whopping two seasons short of what the fanbase were promised.

Gotham certainly doesn’t have a shortage of fans or viewers but Fox, like many networks before, has been using the outdated Neilsen rating system to make decisions about shows’ popularity. Let’s be serious: who under the age of 70 actually watches live TV anymore?

Just because an episode gets a viewing figure below that of a series premiere or finale, that doesn’t mean the viewership has fallen considerably. Networks now have a responsibility to establish a dialogue with streaming platforms to consolidate more accurate figures and finally find out for themselves which are the best performers.

Because Gotham is a Warner Bros. production, not a Fox property, sadly the show was less lucrative and more expendable for the network. The show being packaged with the hot mess Lethal Weapon for advertising partnerships also didn’t do the show any favors.

We’ve got plenty of ideas on how Gotham could be saved, but today we’re focusing on what the fans think of the show. TV execs: prick up your ears. Don’t you want to help this incredibly passionate fandom with a continuation of the stories that they love? We would . . . .

These tweets have been edited and condensed for clarity. Join the campaign to #SaveGotham over on Twitter. (Tweets by Fans, under the cut.

Beatriz‏

“Gotham lost about 54 episodes of content, the character development and storylines were lost due to that, some characters had to be killed, others didn’t have the screen time they deserved. We fans were not happy about it.”

Bandi

“People say that Gotham doesn’t need saving because it’s getting an ending. This is true, but the ending we’re getting isn’t the planned one. The writers had plans for 7 seasons. That’s a lot of story left! We got 4.5 instead.”

#SaveGotham | #Gotham spoilers‏

“Gotham is such an original show. It the closest thing we got to a live action adaption of the Batman origin story universe and it’s so good!”

catherine haverty‏

“Gotham is The Coolest Show.”

Angela #SAVEGOTHAM‏

“This show has been mishandled for so many years by the network. Not only was there so little promotion,the use of a outdated & inaccurate rating system(Nielsen),but there was so much drama that went on with Warner Brothers & Fox. All this played a part in getting Gotham cancelled.”

#Gotham | Thursdays 8PM on FOX‏

“Gotham inspires such devotion! The fandom has been holding daily Power Hours on Twitter for an entire year, as of May; advocating for Gotham, writing letters and emails; utilizing other forms of social media. It’s all a labor of love! #SaveGotham”

#SaveGotham!‏

“Gotham is an exciting, daring sort of show with characters that no other show quite has. For lack of better explanation, Barbara Kean said it best on the show: It’s Gotham, baby. We’ve all got flair!”

Liz  ‏

“Gotham is a show that truly deserves more than is has received. For years we’ve watched the early lives of beloved characters in the Batman universe grow into who we know they’ll become. Each of these characters are played by actors that pour their soul into their work.”

Mr. Millicent Cordelia‏

“Gotham’s provided a fresh take on the Batman mythos, created original characters of lasting merit, and re-worked minor comic characters to have major impact. #SaveGotham”

James Rankin‏

“For years, peeps have been denied a Batman TV show. Gotham was never that, but it had the makings of revealing all of the back stories. “

λουισα‏

“This show deserves better. The acting is incredible, the writing never cease to surprise, the atmosphere of the show is powerful, the fights are good, the costumes are great! It’s one of the best if not DC TV’s best show and it didn’t deserve to end like this.”

Gothambatcatfanspain‏

“We want to see development of the characters with the same actors. We love the cast, they deserve to continue.”

Svetlana‏

“Gotham is such an interesting show. I want this show  to continue, I’m not ready to say goodbye to my favourite characters.”

#Gotham spoilers here | #SaveGotham‏

“Not giving the seven seasons they were contracted for…That’s unfair.”

Kate O’Riley Cosplay

“Fox and Warner Brothers were constantly fighting over  because one owns the right to the characters and the other was broadcasting it and they all wanted the most  out of it .”

Mr. Millicent Cordelia‏

“I never imagined Oswald Cobblepot as the most compelling character in the Bat-verse, but Robin Lord Taylor has brought him to life in such a way as to make him endearing, charismatic, terrifying, and endlessly fascinating.”

Destiny‏

“Gotham is a show that’s been pushed aside by the network one to many times and it needs to have a full story without cutting massive plot lines out, it’s insulting to the fans not to finish it off properly! #SaveGotham”

DONT LET GOTHAM END!! #SAVEGOTHAM‏

“Gotham has some of the most wonderful story telling and some amazing villains out there. Some great action too and I would love for it to continue its 7 season run like it was supposed to.”

MORDRED LLEWELYN JONES‏

“Gotham fully embraces everything that DC can offer in a way that films & even comics fail to do. The violence, grief, dark humour, love, struggle, psychology, charisma etc. It paints a beautiful picture & showcases just how much DC is capable of in a way which nothing else has.”

#Gotham | Thursdays 8PM on FOX‏

“Gotham’s production values, art direction, and cinematography are of a quality so high which is very unusual for TV. It rivals the quality that’s usually reserved for films.”

Ellen Sunden

“Gotham is a cleverly written and brilliantly acted show with top notch special effects and wardrobe designs.”

“Gotham’s Season 5 has an ultra-impressive 100% on Rotten Tomatoes…a score reserved only for the best of the best in film and TV shows!”

#SaveGotham | #Gotham spoilers‏

“Gotham is totally different from the other DCTV shows as it’s an origin story for characters of the Batman universe. It’s original, dark, funny, esgy, action-packed with some humor, exactly like the comic books. The cast is big and very talented especially Bruce and Selina.”

Tam Loves Kris

“Gotham is a home to so many quality characters that are played by a wonderful cast of people. The fans know what they want and we hope for what is right. #SaveGotham”

Angela #SAVEGOTHAM‏

“Gotham was treated unfairly, so fans have been campaigning to #SaveGotham, tweeting every single day for 10 months. We’re missing 2.5 seasons and we hope to recover them someday. The talent on this show is extraordinary to watch and hope a network can pick up the show ”

nicolle | GOTHAM SPOILERS‏

“This show is so unique and creative.”

Eoghan  

“I believe it should be saved as there’s many more more stories to tell. Giving more development to Jeremiah, seeing Bruce as Batman and everyone in their future roles. I feel like Gotham is the perfect combination of The Dark Knight Trilogy And the 60’s Batman TV show. It’s great.”

#SaveGotham!‏

“Gotham is a creative take on traditional comic stories. The actors who portray their characters do so with passion and individually bring fresh, unique takes to the characters they obviously care so much about.”

shane   nygmobs endgame now‏

“Gotham’s latest season currently scores 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. It’s a unique take on the Batman mythos that’s embraced the exploration and development of these iconic characters in a prequel, which has never been done before. And yet, there is still so much left to delve into.”

E. Nygma‏

“There hasn’t been a live action Batman TV series since 1966. Put aside the format of the original series. It was revolutionary and could easily fit in today’s market! Gotham may be a prequel show, but it’s absolutely a continuation of the original series! Let it go on!”

ᔕIEᖇᖇᗩ // Gᴏᴛ Hᴀᴍ?‏

“Gotham is one of the reasons I am still here today. The cast and the fans have helped me through so much. I used to be afraid to show my love for superhero’s but bc of this show I am happy to express it. One of the best tv series there is today. And that does not deserve to go.”

lee‏

“Speaking as a lifelong Batman/DC fan Gotham has put its own unique spin on the franchise that has brought new life to the franchise and new fans. The fans want the show to continue. The creators want it. The actors want it. Gotham deserves a second chance.”

ulia‏

“This show is outstanding and it’s absolutely incomprehensible how this show was cancelled.”

Kathryn   ‏

“Gotham is the only modern Batman interpretation with constantly increasing ratings, an amazing cast and memorable characters. There isnt a single character thats lacks personality.”

Space_Invader/Spoilers!‏

“Gotham is unique in every way and you can tell the people that work on it, cast and crew, love working on it. It’s in every detail of the show, in every interview they do. The deserve to grow even more.”

KatsaysNo| Gothamit‏

“Gotham has a beautiful cast and great story arcs that can still be extended, so many characters that are fleshed out and amazing to see on tv!”

Beverly‏

“At this point, Gotham would be better off on a network or streaming channel that will give it the freedom to keep making the episodes that keeps fans so loyal. Each season has gotten better. Who knows what could happen if it continues.”

Aurea‏

“I love Gotham! well-acted, visually appealing show.”

Shae Anderson

“We need to #SaveGotham because the retelling of these stories that we are so familiar with has been done so beautifully.”

simplyandsanely‏

“I’m not going to lie: I started watching #Gotham just to see what they were going to do with the Joker. But as time went on, I grew to love this show that’s helped grow so many characters in such a unique way.”

☆ sam‏

“No one has ever done a story about young Bruce Wayne growing up, no one has ever seen the backstories of villains. The characters are amazing, the actors are amazing, the fans are worldwide and so extremely passionate about this show #SaveGotham”

ρнσєиιx  ‏

“Gotham went down in viewership because of the networks handling.”

charlie sora | #SaveGotham‏

“We were originally promised 7 seasons. In 2 weeks we will reach the most anticipated moment of the whole series, the arrival of Joker and Batman. But we will only have a 45 minute episode to see this happen which is extremely sad for fans.”

“We still haven’t explored major characters. This is extremely sad considering how well the writers have done.”

Brooke Brown‏

“This show just keeps getting better and better. Gotham just has so much potential that was completely wasted on Fox.”

Ana‏

“Gotham quite literally breathed new life into me with its inspiring characters and plots. The takes on the familiar Batman characters  are unique and interesting, the cast is superb, and this show has a lot more stories to tell – and fans who want to see them

#SaveGotham”

Anders‏

“Gotham’s a great drama show with dark humor & amazing visual. Plus it’s great to see several lgbt+ characters in the main cast.”

Mirela‏

“I think there are many reasons why the show shouldn’t end yet and I’m sure a lot of fans have already pointed it out before.”

Scheming Minor‏

“As a lifelong Batman fan, Gotham has meant new beginnings and creative new ways to wind the mythos of Batman’s beginnings and before. It’s hard to pick where to start, but this show make me jump back into the Batman fandom after watching from S1.”

Mariah Sturtevant‏

“The cast and crew both are absolutely amazing! Everything from set to costume to music to characters is breathtaking and it makes the show truly immersive. We care about the characters because the actors make them real. That’s why it should be saved.”

Sadame21‏

“It does not deserve to end this way, at least someone make Penguin a spinoff please!”

James Gordon’s Stan‏

“It’s a show filled with mystery, interesting topics, and many characters were under developed because of this cancelling.”

Batmanfan935‏

“It is the perfect take on the Batman universe.”

Reah #SAVEGOTHAM‏

“The style is dramatic, edgy, and thrilling in it’s exposition for a new age in the Batman timeline. We’re still starving for more. #SaveGotham”

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

I’m gonna get shit for this but I can honestly say that the fandom negativity effected my views/feelings about Crimes of Grindelwald.

So like I went to a double bill and watched the two Beasts films back to back last year just after the film premiere but before the official release date. And, to be honest, I loved it. Maybe I just loved the first one so much I would love any follow up but still, I laughed and cried and loved the film. I was excited for the third film.

After the film officially released, however, all I heard was people telling me how terrible it was, how shitty taste I had in movies, how JK Rowling should be cancelled etc etc. And yes, it really upset me and got to me. It upset me to see that no one was in the cinema to watch it when I went, it upset me that I would be one of maybe five people in a 30-seat cinema watching it. It upset me, and it made me doubt whether I should like the film or not.

I’ve said before that Crimes of Grindelwald is not in any shape or form perfect - and it isn’t. Even I can admit that there were things I didn’t like, aspects I wish were changed, so on so forth. But I did enjoy it as a Potterhead AND a Beasts fanatic. No film is perfect, frankly, but that’s okay - we all have different tastes and opinions. But I do believe that people were unnecessarily harsh on JK Rowling when it wasn’t her fault that Yates cut certain scenes showing certain female characters more, or that the fandom has decided to cancel her for no real reason other than the fact they don’t agree with the canon she’s writing or because she’s not “woke enough”.

To this day, I can’t watch CoG without feeling partly sad because I feel I’m one of maybe ten people who liked the film. I feel like I’m in the wrong for wanting to like this franchise. And I also feel guilt because the fandom is frankly a cesspool and toxic place to be; I feel like I am no longer welcome in the Beasts fandom or in the Newtina fandom either because I haven’t been able to keep up writing FanFiction (I’m nearly 22 and I have a full time job, guys, I’m tired and have writers block) and because it feels like this very excluding group.

Also I’m honestly tired of the Tina vs Queenie mentality of certain people on twitter like...can we just not, guys? Stop shitting on Tina and blaming her for your fav doing a bad thing (and I’m saying that as someone who loves Queenie btw), like Queenie is a grown ass woman and can make her own decisions about which side she’s on. Oh, “Tina didn’t support the relationship with Jacob”? Funny that she’d be defensive and worried about her only sister - her little sister who she’s had to take care of since they were children - breaking a law and getting hurt. Funny that. I say that and I’ve honestly stopped stanning Tina nowadays.

Anyway, I needed to vent, I’m going to just keep my mouth shut.

[zillychu]

Where to find me!

Since tumblr decided to self-destruct, here are my other social networks!

I might keep posting here for a little bit, but ultimately tumblr isn’t going to live much longer.

Twitter (art only)

Just art, very sparse comments and other posts

Twitter (personal)

Retweets, rambling, comments, shitposting. You’ll usually be talking to me here because this is the one I’m logged in on constantly!

Pillowfort

Hopefully soon to be the next “home” platform.

They’re currently in beta and are down until Wednesday to work on a security issue (other sites would stay up and not tell you so this is a good thing). Come December 5th, you should be able to purchase a beta account for $5. I highly recommend it since it supports a very AO3-like staff, and you can get started migrating early.

I’ll be uploading a lot of art there over the next few days!

(if you can’t find me, try this Zilleniose link! I updated the name but who knows)

Discord

Zillychu#0629  --  feel free to drop me a message! This is the preferred method for commission talk too.

AO3

I’ve only got a few tiny fic things up, but depending on how things turn out the next few months, I may start uploading art under the Zillychu pseud.

(More info under the cut! )

DeviantArt?

I have an old account there, but I am no longer uploading anything to it due to the nature of their copyright policy, and poor staffing choices. I do check it somewhat regularly for commissions.

FurAffinity? Weasyl?

I technically have accounts there under my old Zilleniose name, but I really don’t use them for anything other than commissions.

Instagram?

Nope. The format itself is awful imo, and their slack copyright policy is horrendous.

Amino?

You won’t catch me dead on that site unless it’s to submit DMCA takedown notices (which is a lot)

Facebook?

hahahAHAHAHAHA

Flight Rising?

Dude don’t even go there. The admins and staff are so corrupt if you say you aren’t too happy about how a certain feature is run, even on another site, you get banned. They’ve also banned users for doing commission deals on their site that don’t involve their in-game currency. Big Yikes. Check out Mythaura instead.

Wait a second you don’t post NSFW content, why do you care?

This adult content purge isn’t just an attack on questionable content, it’s a veritable nuke to get rid of a spider. Some of this stuff does need to be regulated, but SFW artists are going to get (and already are) caught in the crossfire. To add insults to injury, they aren’t even really doing much to the porn bots and illegal content distributors.

> Banning adult content creators shrinks the userbase as a whole.

Surprisingly, people who post/reblog adult content tend to actually like non-adult things as well! I get a lot of SFW commissions from people who post adult content. Everyone, even SFW artists and bloggers, will be losing followers and potential clients.

> Operating on nebulous rules doesn’t make a good social network.

It’s one thing to ban illegal content, or slightly adjust the lines of what’s considered harmful, hate speech, etc. It’s another thing to take an entire demographic that includes vast amounts of harmless material, and suddenly decide to ban it after many years of cultivating a userbase that spent a lot of time and energy building a presence here.

A website that willingly burns down a huge portion of its customers (yes, we’re customers, we’re giving them ad revenue) because Apple doesn’t approve of their poor management? They’ll burn you again the next second a penny or two is at stake.

> They’re literally demonizing women, and saying all feminine attributes are inherently sexual.

This is what pisses me off the most. I’m still seeing red. No body is inherently sexual, no skin is inherently sexual, no individual is inherently sexual just by existing. Saying otherwise is the core of misogyny and objectification.

All in all, I’m upset yet relieved. Tumblr has been the prime platform for fandom and art, but since the Yahoo acquisition, it’s been a cesspool of terrible management, a total lack of customer service, and absolutely no regard to their customers.

I’m a bit peeved about losing 30k followers, but while I’ve got a good customer base across other platforms, a lot of artists do not. And I’m enraged for them. That can make or break people who rely on that income.

I wish they could have had the decency to let us migrate in a reasonable time span. This whole fiasco has been nothing short of a disaster, and the plummeting stocks are a testament to that. Good riddance, tumblr.

[wakasagayhime]

very long, very personal post

tldr, im still not drawing but here’s a detailed account of everything that’s happened in case anyone is confused or misinformed

alright. let me start out by saying i’m not going back to art just yet. it still hurts to do anything art related and i’m still trying to find a way to heal from all of this. i need some kind of professional help first, and i don’t know how long it’ll take afterwards for me to begin feeling like myself again. i don’t even know if i’ll be able to get any kind of professional help at the moment; my university’s counseling center told me, in short, that i’m so mentally ill that their services would not be enough for me and i’d have to look elsewhere (which is reasonable, tbh, they’re almost always completely booked so it’s difficult to actually even talk to someone there in the first place, i only got to talk to them to begin with because i nearly killed myself one night after having the most intense panic attack of my life where i felt like i was actually in the process of dying) and as if that weren’t enough, if you follow me on twitter you’d know that my mom finally left my stepdad, but this means that we no longer really have a home to call our own and are now living with some of my mom’s friends. on the bright side, miso is a lot freer and gets to explore the house as he pleases, but on the downside money is tight and my mom is trying her best to find a place to live while working two jobs and trying to help pay for my tuition. long story short, i want some kind of professional help badly, but all the bullshit that’s been happening in my life makes that difficult. 

anyway, i understand that i’ve worried a lot of people through all of this, and i’m sorry. i truly, genuinely am sorry for everything that’s been going on. i blame a lot of it on myself not being strong enough. if i were stronger, i wouldn’t care about some stupid internet trolls, or some random grown man in florida stalking all my social media. if i were stronger, i could take my life back. i wouldn’t feel the need to constantly contemplate suicide, or to torture my own body by starving because of my physical form feeling like the only thing i have left to be in control of. if i had only been stronger, like my old stupidly foolish overconfident 16 year old self who got into fucking STEVEN UNIVERSE DISCOURSE of all things, maybe i wouldn’t care. even when it first happened to me, after the initial shock and hiatus, i was pretty much back to normal almost instantly.  but this kind of trauma is sneaky and will gradually eat away at you more and more while you pretend to be ok, and then eventually you reach a breaking point and it’s taken over your life. that’s why i’m still obsessing over that day two years later. that’s why i can’t be left alone on december 13th this year, or else i know for a fact i will harm myself in some way. (don’t worry about that though, burger is going to hang out with me that day and i’ll be fine.) still, even though i keep telling myself my past self was stronger, i do know that she really wasn’t. she was still struggling with depression, anxiety, and self harm issues. maybe it just manifested differently for a while. maybe she felt unstoppable at some point in time because she finally found a girlfriend and got a cat. i got into so many fights that weren’t worth my time or energy at all, and part of me wishes i could be that confident again, but i also know that was my downfall to begin with.

i have followers who haven’t been around for longer than a year or maybe less than two, so i might as well give everyone a true, thorough rundown of what happened leading up to that day, the day of, and after. 

i’m sure a lot of you who are worried about me at the moment have seen the recent callout for colboh and his involvement in what happened. i’ll be honest--i don’t know the full extent of his involvement, and i want to believe his foolishness ends at not leaving artists who have blocked him alone and uploading their shit to booru sites when they explicitly state not to. so let’s just start there. i honestly don’t remember if it was before or after i first blocked him, but he uploaded one of my NSFW drawings to danbooru when i first shared my NSFW blog. (PROTIP: if you’re a minor, don’t share your NSFW art with anyone. don’t care if you’re 17, i was about to turn 17 myself. it will bite you in the ass. as such, some of this is my fault.) i quickly contacted danbooru asking them to delete it, and they did--but that artwork subsequently ended up on gelbooru as well, and i was unsuccessful in my efforts to remove my art from there.  

fast forward to december 13th, 2016. it was a normal morning. i was getting ready for school, but also being dumb and lazing around in bed browsing tumblr. i saw a post from a blog that shares Funny 4chan Screencaps. my art was in it. the art was of a very muscular yuugi, a drawing i was proud of, especially in how much gay energy i thought it radiated--but this drawing was being used in one of those typical “here’s a touhou, i wanna fuck her! am i right guys? let’s talk about how badly we want to fuck her” threads. seeing my art used for this was appalling. my first mistake was reblogging the post and saying how it was wrong, and how my art shouldn’t ever be used for such a purpose. my second mistake was making a text post AND tweets expressing my disgust at the situation, thinking no one who frequented /jp/ would ever see, sure that it would be a big waste of their time to concern themselves with some random dumb “”sjw”” artist. i also probably shouldn’t have specifically called them “gross neckbeards,” in doing so i absolutely struck a nerve with basement dwellers everywhere. i got to school and during my second period class, suddenly felt a strange urge to look at /jp/. why i did that, i still don’t really know. maybe i was expecting hate. maybe i was trying to see if they used my art for something gross again. i don’t know. either way, that moment changed everything forever. i saw the screencap of my tweets posted for everyone in their  circlejerk to see. even worse--i looked in the thread, and someone had also posted the NSFW art colboh had uploaded to danbooru, mocking it and calling me a hypocrite for drawing two girls having sex while also saying i don’t like my art being used for those kinds of threads. this is what truly ignited the amount of hate i saw directed towards me in the threads. i got called a bitch, a drama whore, got told to kill myself, and in one reply etched into my mind forever, someone said something along the lines of “we should all call her local gang and have them rape her, she just needs a good dicking.” there were multiple threads, too; i don’t know how many, but there was another one about me after the first one was deleted, in which someone edited a typical fat balding NTR hentai doujin style man into art i made of kagerou nosebleeding at wakasagihime. more disparaging comments were made. in both threads, people expressed their hatred and dislike of my art, some calling it garbage, some just saying it’s “bad,” etc. some people said the threads were unnecessary and rude, but they were a kind few in a cesspool of violence.

i don’t know who started these threads. i can’t assume anything about anyone, but whoever did this was definitely looking through all my social media out of bitterness and hatred, or perhaps even following me on both my tumblr and twitter considering the timing of the threads immediately after i complained. it eats at me that i most likely will never know who did this to me. i’ll never know who hated me so much that they decided to completely destroy my self esteem. if whoever it is who did all of this is reading this and feels any ounce of remorse, i’m begging them to reveal themselves and why they did it, but i know the chances of that happening are incredibly slim. someone, i can’t remember who, maybe it was queenly, told me they hope someday i reach a point where i don’t have to worry about that because i won’t care in general, but i still don’t know if i’ll ever reach a point where i stop caring about all of this.

like i mentioned earlier, after this all first happened, i was destroyed. the next day, my school’s GSA happened to have a vote for whose art would be on the club t-shirts, mine or someone else’s. mine lost. i broke down completely--anywhere i went, i wasn’t good enough, not for anyone. for days, there was a constant feeling of horror and fear  in my chest, something i’ve only ever felt so intensely when one of these threads resurfaces or i suddenly relive my trauma due to other things triggering me. i took a hiatus that lasted a few weeks, i believe i came back sometime before the new year. i thought i was ok, and i pretended like i could go back to being myself. but as time went on, and i continued living with the weight of that day on my back, i became weaker and weaker. i stopped drawing as frequently as i used to. my final year of high school started and i ended up falling into such a deep depression that i constantly skipped school and eventually attempted suicide in november 2017.  the suicide note i wrote cites that day as being one of the main things leading me to my decision, telling whoever did this to me that i hoped in my passing they’d have to live knowing what they did to me. my attempt only failed because i swore to take every pill left in the bottle and there were only four pills. had it been full, i’m not really sure what would have happened. i was sent to a mental institute afterwards for a week. being there was the absolute definition of hell. i was alone. i cried myself to sleep every night. they claimed to be a place where people were improved and got help, but i did not get any help at all. they basically imprisoned me for trying to kill myself. when i got out, i was only glad to be alive because i just wanted to be able to talk to my friends, my family, and my girlfriend again. it still shocks me that i was able to graduate from high school considering how much school i skipped before and after my suicide attempt.

sometime before that school year ended, i became extremely upset one afternoon and decided to run away from home. i had what happened to me and what was said about me that day running through my head. i tweeted that i hoped maybe in running away i’d end up being raped like they wanted, like how i deserved. someone who i considered a friend replied to this with, “fuck you.” after all of this was taken care of and i was safe at home, i responded that i was sorry, that i wasn’t thinking right when i made the tweet. she responded that i was, and blocked me. i tried to explain that i said what i did because of the threads about me on /jp/ and the one response threatening rape, but this was disregarded and, seemingly, ignored. a few days later, the former friend in question started sending me anon hate on tumblr, asking me why i want attention so badly, accusing me of making light of actual rape victims by saying such a thing. i explained myself, but to no avail. i blocked her on tumblr, and left it at that. but then, at the end of the school year, when i was proud of myself for finally getting through high school without killing myself or failing or anything, i stumbled upon the second thread. the date the thread was created lined up exactly with the time between me running away from home and me receiving anon hate. she can try to act like she didn’t make the thread all she wants, but i’m not an idiot. the replies were also eerily similar--people in the replies remembered me, a year and a half after the original thread. some replies mentioned me having attempted suicide months before. some mentioned my NSFW art again. i had a massive breakdown and nearly drowned myself in the pond down the road. it was a wet, rainy night, and i sat on a bench by the pond sobbing loudly, trying to find some way to want to keep living. but i couldn’t. i might have gone through with it if it hadn’t been for burger coming and talking to me and giving me a ride home.

entering college, i thought things would be easier. in a way, they are. i have more freedom with classes. this semester, i attended almost all of my classes, almost every day, just with the exception of me being sick some days and me accidentally oversleeping once, and then one day when i just didn’t feel like it. but things continued to get worse for me--i developed an eating disorder for many reasons, one being the time i spent a year prior depressed caused me to gain a significant amount of weight, and the other being i had sworn off self harm in the form of cutting. i found that i was able to get the same gratification from starving myself. at one point, it turned into a game of sorts, where i tried to see how long i could go without eating anything. my record was a little over 72 hours. being constantly hungry or in pain this way felt like something i deserved in a way, but also something to distract me from the pain of realizing i was losing my love for art. i was in denial about it for months. i tried to keep drawing, but everything i drew upset me, saddened me, and even angered me. i looked at anything i made and only felt disgust. it was the one thing i used to love doing more than anything, and now i only felt shame. 

in november, i acknowledged this and decided to quit for good. recently, i discovered colboh had uploaded more of my NSFW art to gelbooru, even though i specifically stated on my blog to never upload my NSFW art to image sharing sites, specifically right after he uploaded my art the first time. by the time i found this, i had already sworn off art for good, but looking at the comments on my art on gelbooru (and rule 34--i guess they’re connected upload-wise like danbooru?) filled me with so much sadness and shame, not because they criticized my art, but because they said horrible things about my depiction of kagerou. for those who don’t know, i headcanon kagerou as a trans woman, and one thing i do not regret about my time as an artist is how that depiction has helped numerous trans women feel good about themselves and their bodies. seeing so many disgusting comments deliberately misgendering her and making other transphobic remarks hurt me on a completely new level. my trans friends have been such a source of strength for me through all of this and seeing that made me feel disgusted, especially with myself. i felt like i had failed them. i had made so many trans women happy, only to see a man i blocked two years ago had uploaded my art to porn sites, tagging it with dehumanizing words like “f*ta” that i specifically tell people never to refer to my art with, displaying that art for the exact same crowds of people that ruined everything december 13th 2016 to continue to pick apart. one comment even told me to kill myself, effectively bringing back every memory of that day. 

speaking of that, another thing i want to touch on now that i’m up to speed with the details of everything that’s happened related to the original threads two years ago, is kagerou. i’m positive you all know that i really love kagerou imaizumi, and that she’s my favorite touhou character. it’s embarrassing to say, but she’s brought me so much comfort through all of this. sometimes if i’m sad, i’ll imagine her giving me a big hug, or i’ll look at cute pictures i have saved of her, or something along those lines. it’s pretty cringy for a fictional character to make me happy, i know, but i’ve grown so attached to her and she really means a lot to me. and another thing that made me want to swear off art is because she’s loved by so many others that i don’t think my depictions of her do her any good. i’m constantly compared to other artists, and it’s never good. even in the threads, i’m told i should be more like those other artists and these things wouldn’t happen to me. i am not allowed to love kagerou imaizumi. i draw her as a hairy trans lesbian, and that disgusts people. hell, the fact that i draw lesbians in general disgusts people, which sure fucking sucks because i constantly hate myself for not being attracted to men and being able to draw happy lesbians made me feel better about myself. but i’ve ruined kagerou for so many people, especially with my stupid kagewaka bullshit. maybe that’s why those artists unfollowed me. maybe it’s a combination of that and my constant breakdowns becoming far too annoying. i think all the popular artists who used to like me and then unfollowed/softblocked me are really glad to see that i’ve given up. and that’s something else that saddens me too--even as an artist, in my own community of touhou artists, i often feel like i’m lesser, and that i don’t belong. maybe it’s because i’m so foolishly outspoken about my opinions that they dislike me. maybe it’s because i’m a woman, and a lesbian at that. i don’t really know why they hate me so much. i wish i could belong somewhere.

and i think that’s what it all boils down to in the end. i’ve lost all sense of belonging. when i was 14 and people started noticing my art for the first time, i finally felt like i had something. like i belonged somewhere. after being bullied through middle school and having to deal with abusive friends and an abusive dad, it meant the world to me that i finally had something. but it didn’t last long at all. it all came crashing down, not just because of others, but because of me. i was the one who was cocky, getting into fights that weren’t worth it. i was the one who provoked people and made them hate me. i was the one who complained about /jp/ posting my art in their threads. i know people want to believe that i’m a saint, but i’m not. i have myself to blame too. i at least want everyone to understand this, above all else. there was so much i could have done differently to prevent this all from happening, but i didn’t. i was stupid and naive. i was a massive fucking idiot, and now look where i am. i lost everything. i thought i had friends, i lost them. i thought i loved art, i lost that. i thought other really talented nice people liked me, i even lost that. all i have now is an empty shell of my former self. i don’t know what to do with it. i don’t know how i’m going to rebuild myself. it’s so painful to have to keep living like this. i don’t know if there’s any fixing me at this point. i’ve lost so much, i feel permanently broken.

but despite all of that, despite everything i’ve been through, i still receive so much love and support from my followers and friends and it means so much to me. it means the world to me and has kept me going through all of this. knowing that people care about me and want to see me get better and improve makes me want to try to fix myself even if i am broken beyond repair. i just want to thank you all for being that source of strength for me. these past few years have been so hard for me and time and time again i still get love and encouragement from so many people. from the bottom of my heart, thank you. there is nothing more precious to me than those moments when i feel like i do truly belong, when i feel loved, when i feel like i’m not alone after all. for those moments, i’ll keep trying. even if these threads keep continuing and breaking me further, i’ll keep trying. even if every last artist in this fandom comes to hate me and my shitty art, i’ll keep trying. it’s still painful to draw right now and i have a long way to go before i can share art with anyone again, but for you all, i’m going to keep trying my best. at the end of the day, i know everyone’s encouragement and love is worth far more than hate threads urging me to kill myself. 

i’m sorry how long and personal and unnecessary this is, but i felt like i had to set things straight. if you read all of this, i applaud you. if you just kinda skimmed through to read the last paragraph, i also appreciate it. again, thank you.