#twitchy!invader zim

[abrthephantomq]

Chapters: 8/? Fandom: Invader Zim Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Dib/Zim (Invader Zim), Dib & Gaz (Invader Zim), GIR & Zim (Invader Zim) Characters: Dib (Invader Zim), Gaz (Invader Zim), Zim (Invader Zim), GIR (Invader Zim), Gretchen (Invader Zim), Torque Smackey Additional Tags: Competent Zim (Invader Zim), Non-Linear Narrative, POV Second Person, POV Third Person, Older Dib (Invader Zim), Tall Zim (Invader Zim), tall is relative -- but Zim isn't like 3ft tall, Enemies to Lovers, competent Dib (Invader Zim), the author plays with punctuation in Zim POVs, I have done my best to be consistent Summary:

2004: Zim figures out the best way to get under Dib's skin, all without him having to lose the bet.

2024: Not only is Prof Membrane EVIL, there's.... two of him??

And a small little extra chapter right after this one, too ;) buckle in folks, things are about to get weird... 

[twitchesandstitches]

Rose Quartz glanced up from the ship. She wondered, briefly; where Zim had gotten off to?

A sense of alarm swelled up and she got up, all manner of terrible things rushing through her mind; she didn’t know the little Irken well, but she knew that he wasn’t exactly well adapted to the whole ‘not blowing up suns for funsies’ element of the hero lifespan.

She was not built for speed, and charged like a train missing its tracks; cautiously, but with a great deal of power and speed. As big as her breasts were, entire rooms cleared out just from the sense of her incoming proximity.

And from a stairway stepped Sierra, her massive hips swinging heavily and accidentally hip-checking the doorway so hard it was smashed open. Rose came to a stop before her. “Oh! Just someone to help out! ...Why, I haven’t seen you in a really long time...”

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,” Sierra said amiably. “What’s going on, Miss Quartz?”

“Have you seen Zim?”

Sierra tilted her head, looking puzzled, and for some reason, faintly protective. “Why?” She asked, eventually, her eyes narrowing slightly.

“I lost track of him! I’m worried, what if he does something like, I know not, steal a mech and steal asteroids to mind them and built a giant doomship!? And then he CRASHES the doomship because someone dares him too, and it creates a black hole that destroys the universe!? AND my teacup collection!”

Sierra squeaked in horror. “Not the teacups! Or him!” She paused. “No, wait, nah. Couldn’t happen. He’s busy!”

Rose calmed a little. “Ah. Busy with what?”

“I’m meeting him for a romantic lunch and stuff.”

“...What.”

“We’re dating!” Sierra said cheerfully. Conspiratorially, she leaned in and whispered, “Well, not just ME, specifically...”

she pointed towards a nearby table. Zim could just be barely made out, looking unusually attentive and docile, his small green form obscured by the enormous curvy women about him, nearly blocking him from view.

One on side of him was the woman she’d seen following him, here and there. Gaz, Rose thought; exceptionally curvy, with a tad more to her bottom, a tendency towards purple and aggressive attire, and she laid a hand on him in a way that was possessive.

The other one there was much larger; nearly the size of a building, even by their exceptional scale. And Rose Quartz’s eyes widen in shock at the distinctive blue skin, the massive breasts parted by a gigantic gem, the maternal flared hips broader across than a walkway...

Blue Diamond.

“Don’t worry, she’s not here to persuade you of anything,” Sierra said quickly. “She’s just come around to spend some time with him.”

“She... she what now?” Rose said, helplessly. “I’m sorry, Blue Diamond is what?!”

“Seeing Zim,” Sierra said patiently. “Like me and Gaz.”

Rose stared. “...How did that happen?” She asked weakly.

Sierra shrugged. “I dunno. How does any relationship happen. Anyways, I gotta go. Don’t want to miss out on our poly time! Laters!” She ran off, bouncing her mega-sized butt so heavily it must have been on purpose.

Rose stared at Blue Diamond, gazing fondly at the other three with apparent fondness, and finally she found the nerve to say: “What.”

[jillyb2004]

My very first kins list

Twitchy: The Wackiest Character since The Looney Tunes

Invader Zim: One of The most disturbing main characters in animation.

MachArthur: Someone who would be my twin sister.

Ogo: One of the only funny characters in Robot and Monster.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Someone I relate to the most when it comes to mental illnesses.

Rhoda: A Transgender character that needs more love and recognition.

Cyrus: Someone who got bullied do to their looks and health issues.

Bunny: Super Manly and Buff OMG!!😍

Willie Nelson: Has a strange addiction to human plasma.

[melodyofthevoid]

Not the beans...

When the Space Boy is scared of them 

Beans….

[krizaland]

Yandere Zim X Male Reader? There isn't many out there, and I sort of had a song in mind if you would like to listen: Rory by Foxing.

You got it, friend!

Be warned: There are themes of unrequited love, wasps and a graphic depiction of wasp stings ahead!

Here's the song that was used btw

From the moment he met you, Zim found himself captivated by you.

From your gentle eyes to your kind soul, Zim found you utterly fascinating.

You were nothing like any of the other humans! You weren’t ugly, and you didn’t even stink!

You may have been friends with Dib but that didn’t stop you from sticking up for him whenever Dib tried to expose him!

At first, Zim decided to use you as a good source of information as well as a way to keep up appearances without drawing too much attention to himself.

However, the more time he spent with you, Zim started to feel…strange to say the least.

His PAK would spark around you and his squeedilyspooch felt like it was tied up in knots!

“Computer! What are these HORRIBLE feelings inside of me?! What has that Y/N-human done to Zim?!” Zim demanded as he pointed to the ceiling.

“WELL….UM…”

“C’mon spit it out already!”

“WELL IT SEEMS THAT YOU HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE…”

Zim’s jaw hit the ground.

“WHAT?! ME?! IN LOVE?! WITH A HUMAN?! IMPOSSIBLE! Preform a full body bioscan!”

Zim’s computer sighed as a few mechanical tentacles wrapped around Zim.

“SCANNING…SCANNING….”

After a few minutes, the tentacles retracted,

“BIOSCAN COMPLETE. NO ILLNESSES DETECTED.”

“N-No! No! This can’t be! No invader can even experience love! Especially not for the enemy! What am I going to do?! ARGH! Computer! Create an antidote for my love illness!” Zim commanded as he tugged on his antennas.

“UM THERE REALLY ISN’T A CURE…”

“LIES!! Surely there has to be some way to get rid of these HORRIBLE FEELINGS!” Zim wailed dramatically.

“WELL…THERE IS ONE WAY TO GET RID OF THEM..”

“What are you waiting for! Tell me! Tell me the solution!!” Zim demanded as his voice quivered a bit.

“THE ONLY WAY YO GET RID OF YOUR FEELINGS IS TO ASK Y/N OUT..” The computer lied

“WHAT?! YOU WANT ZIM TO DATE THE ENEMY?! ARE YOU INSANE?!”

“Nyeh!”

Zim’s tirade was interrupted by Minimoose.

“Stay out of this, Minimoose! This doesn’t concern you!”

“Nyeh!”

“Aww! It’s sweet that you care about your master but don’t worry, Zim will be fine!”

“Nyeh!”

“Eh?! Ask Y/N out on a date to keep up appearances?! Never! didn’t I already make it clear that was a bad idea?! There’s no way I’d possibly show that kind of weakness to the enemy. But what if…”

Zim hummed for a moment as he stroked his chin.

“I’ve got it! I’ll ask Y/N out on a date to keep up appearances! Yes…I’ll simply use these feelings as a way to appear more normal so I can continue my mission!”

Minimoose was a bit annoyed but happily encouraged his master

“Nyeh!”

“I think you’re cool too, Minimoose! Now then, how to woo Y/N…Maybe one of those love note thingys.” Zim muttered to himself as he begin typing away at his keyboard.

After a few minutes of typing, Zim cracked a wicked smile.

“Excellent! With this loove note there’s no way Y/N could possibly resist my proposal!”

Zim burst into maniacal laughter as he printed the note.

“Now all thats left to do is deliver it!”

“OOOH!! OHHH!!! CAN I BRING THE NOTE TO RACECAR?!!” GIR squealed as he reached for the note.

“No GIR! I’m not going to risk this note getting damaged because of you!” Zim snapped as he snatched away the note.

GIR did like that answer.

He let out a loud shriek and threw himself to the ground.

He begun to kick and cry as loud as his voice chip would let him.

“ENOUGH! You may deliver the note to Y/N!” Zim grumbled as he held out the note.

“YAY!!!!!!!”

And with that, GIR grabbed the note with his mouth and flew off with it.

“Ugh, I better make sure GIR doesn’t ruin all of my hard work.” Zim huffed as he threw on his disguise and followed after GIR.

It wasn’t long before GIR managed to find you.

You were sitting on a bench in the park next to Dib, who seemed nervous about something.

“Dib? Are you ok? You’re acting kinda…twitchy”

“Twitchy? I’m not twitchy! Heh! It’s just um…the air! Yeah the air is really cold today!” Dib lied as he rubbed the back of his head.

“Dib it’s almost June. It’s like 88 degrees out here. What’s really going on?” You pressed as you gave Dib a sympathetic look.

Dib looked down at his feet and took in a deep breath.

“Ok, I’ll tell you but you have to promise you won’t be grossed out by me.”

“Dib, you’re my best friend! Not even hunting the most disgusting cryptid can make me grossed out by you!” You reassured with a chuckle.

Dib took in another deep breath as he turned to face you

“Y/N, I know we’ve been friends for like a really long time now and….well….”

“Well what?”

Dib swallowed thickly as he tugged at his shirt collar

“I think I might want to be more than friends!”

Dib’s words flew out a mile a minute before he clamped a hand over his mouth.

“Wait?! Are you serious?!” Your eyes lit up a bit.

“Gah! I knew this was a bad idea! Just forget I said anything!” Dib whimpered as he buried his face in his hands.

“No no! I’m actually really happy you told me that, Dib! Because…I want to be more than friends too!” You reassured as you put a hand on his shoulder.

Dib looked up at you and blinked in shock.

“Wait? Really?”

“Yes really! I’ve actually been wanting to ask you out for a while but I wasn’t sure if you felt the same.” You admitted sheepishly as you rubbed the back of your head.

“What?! You had feelings for me this whole time?! And you didn’t even- You know what? Who cares? All that matters is that we both feel the same about each other! Right?” Dib still seemed a bit skeptical.

“Exactly! That’s the spirit!” You cheered as you threw your arms in the air, smacking poor GIR out of the sky.

THUMP!

SPLOOSH!

GIR fell face first into a puddle, soaking Zim’s love note.

However it wouldn’t have mattered whether or not the love note was in tact. For Zim had witness the entire exchange between you and Dib and was devastated.

He let out a pained chuckle as he grabbed the soggy note from GIR’s mouth.

Zim was about to confront Dib when-

BONK!

THUMP!

Zim had walked right into s tree, causing a wasp nest to fall right on his head.

Zim let out a blood curdling scream as the wasps begun to attack him from all directions!

Soon he began to run amok, with more wasps trailing behind him!

It wasn’t long before Zim managed to make it back to his base.

Two robotic arms came down from the ceiling,

POP!

They pulled the wasp nest off of Zim’s head and chucked it out into the front yard.

Zim let out a pained groan as his grotesquely swollen face throbbed with wasp venom and glowing green pus.

The robotic arms carefully peeled off Zim’s disguise and another arm carried him down to his lab.

After a refreshing chemical shower, Zim’s face had returned to normal!

However, while his face had healed, his feelings were still in shambles.

He picked up the note and went back up to the kitchen.

Zim sunk to his knees as he shakily held the soggy note in his hands.

“I wrote you a letter, asked my robot to send it but it took to the sea before you could’ve read it…”

Zim’s grip tightened on the note as a few tears trickled down his cheeks.

“Retreated to snow capped waters of the unknown. Extracted my soul straight from my body! but glowing and red…And I swear that sweat would envelop your arms if you broke down and held it!”

“I swear I’m a good man-“ -Zim took in a heavy breath- “-I swear I’m a good man…”

Zim sniffled a bit,

“So why don’t you love me back?”

He looked down at the note in his hands.

“So why don’t you love me back?”

Zim let out a deep growl as he chucked the soggy note into the window.

“Instead of twisting up words you just say there in silence! In wind burnt homes sighing rays from a sunset!”

Zim rose to his feet and stormed towards the window.

As he peeled the soggy note off the window, he couldn’t help but notice that the wasp nest was still in the front yard.

“And all I could hear was the sound of the wasp nest, my head made a home for the hum of the insects!”

Zim took another glance down at the soggy note he had peeled off the window.

“But my hands shake and shudder at the mention of half written reasons we’ll only be friends!”

Zim’s fist curled around the note and punched the window.

“I swear I’m a good man…. I swear I’m a good man…”

Zim squeezed his eyes shut and let out a sob

“So why don’t you love me back?”

His hand slid down the window.

“So why don’t you love me back?!”

Zim threw the soggy note to the ground and stomped on it

“So why don’t you love me back?!”

He threw his head to the ceiling and shrieked

“So why don’t you love me back?!”

He clutched the sides of his head and wailed his plea once again,

“So why don’t you love me back?!”

Zim melted back down to his knees.

“So why don’t you love me back….”

A louder sob racked his body as Zim felt his world crash down around him.

How humiliating.

He was Irk’s finest invader! How could he be so wounded by one pitiful human?!

No, pitiful wasn’t the right word to describe you. In truth, Zim felt that handsome was a better fit.

Despite how devastated he was, Zim still couldn’t stop wanting you.

The need for your love sparked a fire deep within him.

The fire burned violently throughout Zim’s body! Pulling him out of his depression and making him more confident than ever!

Zim wanted you for some much more than appearances!

He wanted you to be his and his alone!

By taking you away from him, Dib had just made the biggest mistake of his life.

Zim let out a thunderous maniacal laugh as he raised his hands to the ceiling!

He put his disguise back on, grabbed a blaster, and hopped into his Voot.

“Prepare yourself, foolish Dib-monkey! I am coming to reclaim what’s rightfully mine! You shall rue the day you took Y/N away from Zim!”

[shadowofthelamp]

Partners

Swap Zim and Dib decide to work together. Technically a direct sequel to this thing that was posted a year and a half ago. Like, comments, and reblogs all super appreciated!

Wordcount: 1800

Warnings: Mentions of Dib experimenting on people, I guess?

Zim woke up strapped to a lab table that smelled so strongly of blood that he almost threw up. (Which was quite an accomplishment, considering it wasn’t like Zim was a stranger to animal test subjects, or even getting himself injured.) It took him a few seconds to remember why he was strapped to a bloody lab table, but hearing the familiar voice frantically muttering next to him helped.

“Come on, I need to kill him, but it’s Zim, I like Zim, I don’t want to kill him, but he’s a threat to the mission, I can’t upset my Tallest or the Professor, but maybe I could just wipe his memory...”

That voice was Dib. Dib, the stalker who had turned out to be a real live alien. Dib, the kid (was he a kid?) who must have strapped him to a table.

_____

It had started out pretty easy- he’d already known where Dib lived from the one time Dib had dragged him there when they’d both gotten caught in an explosion and he’d wanted to help patch Zim up. All Zim had to do was use a taser to short out the electric fence and some hacking to get in the front door once he found the security frequency they were using.

It was child’s play, although it wasn’t like it would be easy for anybody else. Zim was special. He was always special, always better than everyone else. Dib had seen that. As annoying as he got at times, Zim was glad that at least he was annoying because he liked Zim.

However, things had started to go south as soon as he got inside the front door. There was a chubby little pig perched right next to it, and it sniffed at him before its eyes lit up bright red.

“STATE YOUR BUSINESS.”

“You talk?” It looked like a regular pig to him, usually talking animals were a lot clunkier and more robotic-looking.

“IRRELEVANT. STATE YOUR BUSINESS, HUMAN.”

“Seeing Dib.”

“NONE MAY PASS.” The pig jolted up on two legs, and Zim noticed a small zipper on its belly only moments before the pig grasped at it, yanking it down and ripping off its- costume? It didn’t look like any fabric Zim had ever seen- to reveal a silvery robot with burning red eyes. A dozen weapons, mostly guns and knives, popped out from its head, and Zim couldn’t bite back a yelp as he fumbled in his backpack for his own laser gun.

“I know how to use this thing, you know!”

“ANY THREAT TO THE MISSION AND TO MASTER GAZ MUST BE ELIMINATED.” 

Zim squeezed the trigger, but the robot- okay, it moved way too fast for a robot that size, Zim’s tended to blow up if they tried any fancy acrobatics, but this one flipped out of the way, his laser blasting a hole in the wallpaper instead. 

He took half a second to breathe before squeezing the trigger again and swinging it around, burning a line through the wall and couch before hitting the robot and getting a metallic shriek out of it as it lunged for him, pinning him down by the shoulders and making him drop his laser.

“ELIMINATED. ELIMINATED. ELMINATED.”

“Release Zim!” Zim kicked up and heard a metallic crack before he rolled to the side, thankful for those self-defense classes he’d taken as the robot plunged about fifteen knives into the spot where his head had been half a second ago. The red eyes narrowed at him before activating rockets in its feet, and Zim ducked as it swung with a giant mallet from its head. He dropped to the floor, fumbling for the laser and swinging it around to take another shot at the thing. 

The gun managed to blast one of the arms off, but that sure as hell made it mad considering he didn’t have time to dodge the second swing of the mallet. He saw stars for half a second before there was nothing at all.

_____

“Dib,” Zim croaked, head feeling rather like it was full of rats that had thrown a dance party inside his skull and left a mess all over the cerebral cortex. 

“But this is a perfect opportunity for some experiments, you wanted that, didn’t you Dib- huh?” Dib looked up from muttering to himself.

Or rather, the alien did. It was still wearing Dib’s trademark goggles that looked heavy enough to weigh his head down with lenses too dark to see anything underneath, but its skin was an even darker shade of green, and it had a pair of twitchy antennae. No nose, no ears, and it had donned a full-on labcoat that was soaked in a whole lot of red and black stains. He’d always kind of figured aliens were real somewhere out there, but seeing it... it was like reality had tilted a little to the left. There were more pressing matters than a crisis about aliens existing anyhow, and Zim was pretty good at repressing things he didn’t like.

It sounded like Dib, though, and the way it fussed with its hands was the same with two fingers and one thumb on each, same as Dib. ‘Machine accident’, his ass. 

“You’re awake?”

“Y-yes, I’m awake. Could you let me go?” His voice came out sickly-sweet and polite, like he was talking to the counselor again to convince her that he was fine.

Dib-alien shook his head. “I’m afraid not. I really would like to, but you know too much. Protocol is pretty clear- dispose of or brainwash all witnesses when the planet is marked for conquest. But brainwashing knocks out a lot of the intelligence, and that would be such a waste, wouldn’t it?”

“Yes, yes it would,” Zim agreed. “So let me off with a warning?”

Dib folded his arms. “Nope. But the fact that you actually held your own against a SIR unit for a full minute as a smeet- and one that I modified to be extra aggressive- just tells me that you’re still useful as a specimen.”

“Hey, I’m not a- a- smeeb!”

“Smeet, child, baby, whatever term it is you humans use.” Dib waved a dismissive hand, stalking closer and looming over Zim. His eyes were a deep, electric blue like an unsucked sour candy, and Zim squirmed under the restraints. “That table is where most of my previous experiments died, and I don’t want you to just be number thirty-six, you know?”

“Thirty-six? Thirty-six what?”

“Oh, this and that. Humans are good for experiments, they’re very determined to survive so you don’t have to use as many.”

“Well, so is Zim.” Zim tried to twist away, but something metallic erupted from Dib’s backpack like a dozen sharp insectoid legs, propelling him up onto the lab table before he dropped directly on Zim’s chest, driving the wind out of him.

“I’m well aware. You’re already a survivor, aren’t you?” He ticked off on his fingers, alien butt shifting on top of Zim a bit to get comfortable. “Barely any parental supervision, yet you create machines and work on biological experiments that are beyond the capability of most humans three times your age. You almost get blown up often and yet walk away from it. You’re an anomaly.” Dib leaned closer, and Zim could taste the sugar on his breath. “I like anomalies.”

Zim attempted to buck Dib off to no avail as he continued. “Find the exception and you’ll have found the thing of most interest, the thing that makes or breaks a species. The outlier the proves the rule, and you’re a human that behaves like an irken, showing just how far ahead of the rest of your species you are. According to my research, they’re going to burn when Gaz decides what to do with this place if they don’t destroy each other before she gets around to it, but I just might keep you as a pet.”

“Zim is no pet!” Even with little oxygen left in his lungs, Zim shouted, snarling up at Dib with his lip curled. “Earth may be terrible, but it’s mine, so back off!”

“Oh? So you agree that Earth is terrible?” Dib tilted his head to the side, one of those long antennae twitching, and Zim narrowed his eyes.

“You’re not very good at research, are you? Of course it is! But it’s mine, and I don’t want any buggy alien getting his sticky hands all over it!”

“It’s not exactly up to me,” Dib replied, hearing the wheeze in Zim’s voice and sliding off his chest to the table itself, and Zim sucked in a deep breath, feeling the air reinflate his squashed lungs. “Gaz is the one who’s actually invading, I’m just here to study the planet in case there’s anything useful. You’re a pre-contact planet, or at least that’s what’s logged, so this place is a treasure trove of undiscovered species. I’m trying to convince Gaz to at least set up a preserve so I can study some of them once she’s done with the invasion.”

“Are you even listening to me? I told you to bug off! Leave me and Earth alone!”

“I’m listening, but I told you, it’s not my call. Even if it was... you said it yourself, Earth is terrible. It would be far more useful to the Empire as a sugar-harvesting operation, or a zoo, or something else. Humans don’t really deserve to be in charge, they’re just going to blow themselves up eventually.” Dib shrugged.

“If I was in charge, you wouldn’t say that,” Zim muttered, and Dib’s antenna twitched again.

“What did you say?”

“I said, if I was in charge, you wouldn’t say that. I bet if everybody listened to me, you’d take that back. I’m a human and I know I could fix everything.”

Dib stared at him for a solid ten seconds, and Zim wasn’t sure he hadn’t spontaneously kicked the bucket. Did aliens do that? “You’re a genius. You’re a genius!” 

“Of course I am, but why?”

Dib smacked his hands on Zim’s cheeks, squishing his mouth in like a goldfish. “Of course, how didn’t I see it before? Your potential is stifled by the fact that you only have access to tools that you create, but if we worked together, you could help us because you have intimate knowledge of humanity, and I could help you by giving you limited access to my technology! We could be lab partners- I wouldn’t have to kill you, and you can help reshape your species for a better future!”

Zim blinked. “Does this mean you aren’t going to do horrible experiments on me?”

“I can’t promise that, but I’m not going to kill you right now.”

“Good enough for me!” Zim tried to shake Dib’s hand, before realizing that he was still restrained to the table. Dib leaned over, hitting a button just next to Zim’s head, and the restraints popped off. Zim rubbed his wrists for a moment as he sat up, mind still whirling.

This was a chance to fix everything, to make things the way that they should be.

“So, you won’t kill all humans, and you’ll give me access to cool tech.”

“I’ll consider your input on that, and I’ll give you access to cool tech.” Dib nodded, taking Zim’s hand, and a slow grin spread across Zim’s face.

“Then lead the way, Dib-thing.”

[irkenheretic]

49 and 15

49. nightfall and 15. trembling hands

Invaders need no one.

Invaders are self-sufficient. 

Invaders do not need to take deep breaths as they hurry through enemy territory, especially one as mundane as a city. 

Invaders don’t glance at the rapidly setting sun with barely-concealed panic, SIR unit useless, comms not working, and base lost. 

And Zim was the best Invader there was. He needed no one, so long as he remembered his training and kept himself steadfast, and stopped resembling a leaf in a hurricane. 

Which of course, he never resembled one and never would, despite his twitchy hands and twitchy eyes and twitchy everything. 

Zim was fine. Zim was capable. Zim was Zim.

And Zim would survive.

[trash-that-wont-be-taken-out]

Oh no, here I go again.

So, uh, this is an Invader Zim fanfic. I already posted it on my Wattpad account, goshdiggitydarn. It’s an OC insert. I know, OC inserts suck, but uh this is self-indulgent and I need my alien bitches. few things to note: my main character, fae, is pagan and autistic. like me. i just want to say that paganism is not about worshipping the devil, like most people make it out to be. it’s not evil. if anything, it’s used to help people. please don’t hate me, i’m sensitive- okay anyways on with the story:

Twitchy Witchy  Chapter 1- New Girl Dib watched the strange new girl with calculating eyes. She was completely ignoring the current lesson, instead finding humor in doodling strange symbols on her hand. Her light brown hair framed her pale face, and her purple glasses slid down her nose, hiding her grey eyes from Dib's view. Paper clips hung from her ears. Her feet tapped rhythmically to a song she was whispering to herself. Occasionally, her nose would twitch ever-so-slightly; it was hardly noticeable, but it was there.

The teacher, Ms Bitters, noticed the new girl's obvious disinterest. She walked up to her desk and, without the girl even noticing, slammed her wrinkled hand down on the desk. The girl jumped and accidentally let go of the sharpie, sending it flying across the room.

"You," the grey-haired woman said in a scratchy voice. "You should be paying attention, shouldn't you?" 

  Ms Bitters stooped down to be eye-level with the girl. "What's your name?"

"Fae," she replied quietly.

"Why is there a leaf in your hair?" asked Ms Bitters, plucking a lush green elm leaf from behind Fae's ear. "You're almost as bad as Zim." Ms Bitters gestured to the suspicious-looking green boy. "One time, he came to Skool covered in meat."

"It was for an absolutely normal human worm baby purpose!" Zim yelled.

"Y'know, ever since we got to Hi-Skool, I thought you would be normal now," said a blonde girl who must have been in classes with Zim far before now.

"He's not going to be normal!" Dib shouted at her. "Because he's an alien! For four years, you've gone to classes with him! And you still don't think he's an alien?!"

"For four years, I've had to put up with you miserable children," Ms Bitters growled through clenched teeth, returning to her desk. "I suggest you all sit down, now, before I have to write you up."

"But we don't have to sit down," retorted a girl, standing up so fast her chair fell over. She was wearing a purple sweatshirt, and her wild maroon-dyed hair complemented her dark skin. She had deep blue gauges in her ears, and a golden yellow piercing shined on her eyebrow. Her purple-painted lips tugged at the corners of her mouth.

"Randy," Ms Bitters said as a warning, but the bell rang before she could get another word out.

Fae immediately stuffed her books in her bag and left, with Dib's curious gaze trailing after her.

~yeet~

The cafeteria was too loud for Fae's liking, and it showed. She stood with her back against the walls, debating whether or not to go to her next class. She had no lunch money and no lunchbox, just her pocketful of stale crackers. Her eyes searched for an empty table until she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned her head to meet the chocolate brown eyes of Dib.

"Are you just gonna stand there?" he asked.

She struggled to find something to say. She stuttered before finally muttering, "I don't have anywhere to sit."

"You can sit with me," he stated. Fae's eyes lit up with a hopeful smile. Dib led her to a table where a purple-haired girl was sitting, staring intently at a Nintendo Switch. Dib gestured to her. "Fae, this is my sister, Gaz."

Fae glanced at the screen. The main character was holding an axe, attempting to hit a red fox wearing a loincloth. Fae smiled. "Animal Crossing?" Gaz gave a nod of affirmation, not looking away from the screen.

Dib noticed Fae didn't have a lunch tray. "You're not eating?"

"I am," she replied, holding up her bag of stale crackers. This exposed her hand, giving Dib a better view of the doodles. He recognized a few symbols- zodiacs and planets- but most of them remained unknown to him.

"What's that on your hand?" he asked.

Her eyes darted down to her hand and she set the crackers down on the table. Embarrassed, she held her hand against her chest. "Nothing. Just... runes and stuff."

"Why?"

Fae looked distracted. "For... protection? Luck? I, uh... wow, it's my first day here, and I'm already telling a stranger about this." She giggled helplessly with a look of "someone please end this conversation" on her face. Feeling panic rise in her chest, she pulled out a tumbled crystal from her pocket and began rolling it around in her hands. Without looking at Dib, she muttered, "You don't think I'm weird, do you? For believing in this stuff?"

Dib blinked, dumbfounded. "No, of course not." He thought for a second. "Do you believe in ghosts?"

Fae studied Dib's face, searching for his own answer. Yes, Fae believed in spiritual beings, souls of humans that remain after death, but did he believe in them? If he didn't and she answered honestly, would he think she's crazy? Finally, Fae decided on, "I believe in spirits."

"What about aliens?"

"Well..." Fae slipped the crystal back in her pocket and rested her elbows on the table. "We... don't really know what's out there, do we? We only know one galaxy, and we're searching only close planets. Yes, I do believe that some form of extraterrestrial life could possibly exist." Lowering her voice, she said quietly, "And that Zim kid? You said he was an alien? Can you... show me?"

Dib felt excitement bubbling in his chest and he grinned widely. "Yes! Yes, I can! I can tell you everything I know about him, and I can show you my proof!" The bell rang. "Come over to my place after Skool. Here's my number. Text me so I can tell you the address." He scrawled something on Fae's arm. Gaz got up and dragged him away.

Fae stared at the seven-digit number on her arm, idly wondering if she should actually text him after class.

[shadowofthelamp]

The Smeetening

This was a kofi commission for @lovelycoris! And the title comes from her tag.

Summary: Zim has been gone for four and a half months, and Dib was not expecting what he found when he got back.

Warnings: Mpreg mention

Wordcount: 1920 

Dib had to admit, when Zim had been gone for four and a half months, he’d figured he was off in space doing training or something like that. Invaders would do that, right? (He’d told Dib he was going to be gone, but not that it was going to be this long, and to be honest, Dib was getting more than a little twitchy. Skool was so boring without Zim, although he had managed to stake the vampires hunting behind the Krazy Taco.) Or maybe he’d be catching up with old alien friends, if he even had any.

Not…. this.

Dib had picked the lock while his EMP shorted out the gnomes. He’d been doing that about twice a month to see if Zim was back yet, but before now there had been nothing. His motion sensors had caught activity twenty minutes ago from the Voot instead of a random squirrel, and he had to know what had taken so long.

There was a lot of noise coming from the living room, but the curtains had been drawn, and honestly, Gir watched so much garbage TV that pretty much anything could be excused until he actually opened the door to see it. He was almost done when the door swung open by itself. He looked up and heard the computer say “-get it.”

With a full visual of the inside of the base, what he saw was quite possibly the furthest thing from ‘normal’. (Man, Zim really had been here long enough to settle a baseline of ‘normal’, hadn’t he? Time flew...) Zim had on a frilly pink apron, but more importantly, he was hovering over several tiny irkens that were crawling around on a blanket. A particularly dark green one was in Zim’s hand, and he was licking their antennae as they squirmed around, making some noise Dib couldn’t quite hear. That was mostly because one with curly antennae was screeching their absolute lungs out, and Dib slapped his hands over his ears.

“Zim, what the hell is going on?” 

Zim looked up, before grinning. “Ah, Dib-human!” He stood up, carefully weaving through the tiny aliens (‘tiny aliens!’ Dib’s brain screamed at him, ‘right in front of you!’) to hold up the one he’d been licking. (Grooming?) “Behold!”

“I’m beholding,” Dib said numbly as he reached up a hand to tentatively hover over them. “Where did you get them?”

“I made them, of course! Hoo boy is that a funny story-”

“You made them?” Dib looked over Zim’s head to see them crawling over each other. “I didn’t even know you could do that.”

“There’s a lot you don’t know, Dib. Secrets of the mighty irken race that I’ve been able to keep secret from your prying-”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re superior and all that.” Dib stepped around him to crouch down in front of them. “So you were pregnant?”

“Eh?”

“Pregnant. Or your partner was, whoever they were.” Dib made a rounded motion over his stomach, freezing when one of the babies grabbed his hand. Zim didn’t start screeching at him to let it go, so he carefully settled on his knees to lift it up, cupping his palms. It made a chirp that sounded almost like it came from an old video game. It was a mixture of clicks and of a ‘pew pew’ sound, and was possibly the best thing he’d heard in his entire life. 

“Yes, I was. I had the smeets a week ago, and here we are!” Zim settled down cross-legged. “That’s Vi in your hand. She’s one of the quiet ones.”

“Hi, Vi,” Dib said as the baby (smeet, Zim had said?) yawned, showing off her gums. “You’re the quiet one, huh? That’s weird, considering your dad.” He looked up. “So who’s the- er, other dad?”

“Other dad?”

“You know, who helped make them? Unless irkens reproduce asexually, which would be pretty weird for a species as advanced as yours. And besides, they all look kind of different.” Dib looked over the smeets on the blanket- except for maybe one, they all had something that distinguished them from Zim, either in color, antennae, or eyes. Zim cleared his throat.

“I don’t see why that should matter, they’re here now.”

Vi squeaked in his hands and turned, reaching out for Zim, and Zim scooped her out of Dib’s hands. “It’s alright, mean stinky Dib won’t hurt you when Zim’s around.”

“Hey, I didn’t do anything!” Dib planted his hands on his hips before there was a tug at his pant leg. Another smeet- this one with eyes that looked frighteningly like Zim’s- had gripped it, staring up at him. “You really made all of these?”

“Why else would they be here?”

“I don’t know, I wouldn’t put it past you to steal a bunch of babies. You’re weirdly maternal when you get in the mood.” Dib carefully picked the smeet up and it cooed happily, making more of the beepy noises. 

“I wouldn’t!” Zim gasped, aghast. “Besides, why would I take this many smeets that weren’t mine? One or two would be perfectly fine, but only I could make nine perfectly healthy ones at one time, thank you!” 

Dib petted at the antennae of the one in his hands, and they kept making happy sounds, so he assumed he was doing something right. “So you had all of them at once? They are pretty small, but- geez, how big even were you?”

“None of your business!” Zim snapped as Dib squinted, trying to mentally shove all nine of the smeets back inside of him. Yeesh, he must have been a complete ball. Dib wished he could have gotten a picture. Now that he was really examining him, though, he could definitely see that Zim looked softer than before. His uniform top was just a bit tighter around the middle, and as Zim shifted, his hips looked larger than usual. Huh. So Zim wasn’t just pulling this out of his ass, he really had…

“Wait, how long even is irken gestation? You were gone for four months and seventeen days, how on Earth-”

“It wasn’t anywhere on Earth,” Zim scoffed. “And it was long enough, obviously.” 

“There wasn’t anyone on Earth, right? Skoodge left a while ago, didn’t he?”

“Yes, he stopped living in my base. That was years ago, Dib, keep up.”

“Ga!” The smeet reached up for Dib’s mouth, curling surprisingly tight fingers around the bottom lip. Dib tried to gently pull it away, but it just clung tighter. As if on cue, two more of the smeets started crawling on top of him, like he was some kind of human jungle gym for them. Zim started snickering.

“It seems that Jash likes you, Dib-worm.”

“Ah tol’ ‘ou- ey!” Jash’s grip tightened as one of his siblings started flicking the buckle on the front of Dib’s boot. The other was just staring up at him and using his pant leg to stand on wobbly legs. They had wide, fascinated eyes, and Dib couldn’t help but feel a little twinge in his chest.

Dammit, why did baby aliens have to be the cutest things ever? He was only a mortal man, and he wasn’t made of stone, no matter how much he tried to remember that they were Zim’s and were thus at least 50% pure hellion.

“Keep this up and I might bring out the freeze ray to make a Dib-statue and let them learn motor skills.” Zim was still grinning, with the smeet with curly antennae had been screaming in his hand. He was running his thumb up their belly and they were making the same happy-noises as Jash had been. Huh, maybe they had just really wanted attention. He knew he’d hate to be one of nine siblings, Gaz was more than enough.

“Hey, one just crawled under the- come on!” Jash grabbed his glasses in an attempt to climb up his face and nearly pulled them off before Dib adjudged them. “What do you want, huh? Huh, little guy?”

Jash lifted his hands up, opening and closing his fist. “You’re already up, what do you- oh, okay, you’re climbing on my face again.” Dib pulled Jash away from his nose before he stuck a hand up it, setting him on top of his head instead. The smeet started batting at his hair lock, and it kind of tickled. 

“I’ll have to clean him,” Zim said, clicking his tongue as he reached under the couch, cheek smushing the tile before pulling one of the smeets out by the scruff of their neck. “That is, unless you’ve improved in your bathing habits since I’ve been gone.”

“Hey, I’m getting better about that! I think!” Dib protested, looking down without turning his head to see that the same smeet as before was still playing with his shoe buckle. “How long are they going to be this size?”

“Eh, ten to fifteen years, give or take a few months?”

If Dib had been drinking something, he would have spat it out. “What?”

“They’ll be speaking within the next few months, of course, and it will be nice to have some intelligent conversation besides you.” Zim was intently watching the group on the blanket, blowing raspberries at a little gaggle of them. They let out high-pitched laughter, especially when he lifted them one at a time to repeat the action directly on their bare bellies.

“Oh, right, Paks probably speed things up, huh? You’re going to have your hands full, though. And I thought Gir was enough. Where is he, anyway?”

“In the lab. He isn’t allowed near the smeets until I can make sure he won’t hurt them. And I can handle anything, I am Zim!” 

“You’ve somehow survived six and a half years on a planet that actively tries to kill you, so you probably can,” Dib admitted. Jash started squeaking, so Dib carefully pulled him off his head and set him down next to the one messing with his boot. After staring at each other a moment, Jash started tugging on their antennae instead, and they began rolling around, pulling at each other’s mouths, arms, and antennae. Their beepy sounds were excited and when they fell apart, they had big baby-grins on their faces. 

Dib scooted a little closer to the blanket, and one with purple eyes stared up at him. Their antennae were curled- maybe they were female? That could be a sex-linked trait, Tak had had curly ones too, hadn’t she?- and they set a hand on his foot before smiling.

Yep, there went his heart. Melted right out of his chest and into a puddle on the orange and red tile.

“I wouldn’t mind babysitting, you know.”

“I told you, I can handle anything! And if you start poking and prodding at them-”

Dib made an ‘X’ over his chest. “Cross my heart, I won’t hurt them. You can even tell the computer to watch to make sure I don’t do anything, but nine is a lot. I can’t imagine irkens raised their kids completely alone. I’m not going to hurt kids.”

Zim narrowed his eyes, but when the one at Dib’s feet chirped up at him, he tapped his chin.

“Perhaps. But I’ll be watching you.”

Dib carefully stroked a hand over the surprisingly flexible antennae of the one at his feet, a smile growing on his face. He knew he was probably signing up for disaster, but hey, what was life without a little chaos? “That’s fair.”

[shadowofthelamp]

It just occurred to me that, in the Irken AU, if Zim got pregnant while he was working at the lab, does that mean Miyuki's death wouldn't have happened? I'm pretty sure he wasn't kept at the lab afterward. Or maybe it happened in-between him getting pregnant and finally realizing it. If we're assuming Zim's occupational timeline is the same (Scientist > Elite? > Invader > Food Service) wouldn't that mean Spork also never died and he didn't ruin Impending Doom 1? There's a lot to play with!

That kind of occurred to me last night but I was too tired to really think through it. One thing about the Trial though, it seemed like they didn’t realize everything that was his fault? The Brains call the memory of him causing Miyuki’s death a ‘horrible discovery’, so he might have gotten kicked out of the lab for a different reason. It’s possible either Mikyuki didn’t die or she did but Spork didn’t? But OID1 probably went off as planned, yeah! 

There’s no reference to Zim being Elite in the script but there was concept art for it, either it was just cut for time or it was going to be worked in in the background somewhere. 

So… I guess Zim isn’t nearly as notorious, just thought of as annoying and destructive, probably, which is why he was in military research in the first place. Dib’s probably annoyed with him at first but they work surprisingly well together. I was thinking we’d have him mostly be a clone of some famous irken scientist, but he accidentally got sent to military training first even though he was supposed to go right to the lab so he’s more twitchy and quick to violence than the other irkens there.