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hoopdiddies · 6 years ago

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I'm Not Over You //Ben Hardy x Reader (Part 9)

A/N: All the fact checking had me reeling to be honest and this is one long-ass chapter, longer than the one where I said 'it's the longest I've written' but actually this wins the competition. I've used some lyrics from the song Photograph cos I felt like it would go nicely with the flow plus I am weak with hospital scenes because of the distresses that occur within it but I tried ya know ¯_(ツ)_/¯ It's a little messy and dramatic on a side note because I had to deal with some outside disturbances as well and my mind was on other things 😔 But again, thank you guys for supporting this series! Your feedbacks mean a lot ♥ Tag list is always open!! (seriously, I need more people to tag xd)

Summary: You had always loved Ben ever since you the two of you met in university and became the best of friends. That feeling went out like a candle flame when you parted ways until he re-entered your life...but this time with someone who has already occupied his heart.

Warnings: That angst from 8? Yeah, it just upgraded, fluff if you, like, use a microscope, explicit description of blood and injuries, swearing but I kept it to a minimum, mentions of death but there's actually no death. Melodrama, ig? Sorry, I had a hard time writing consistently this week ^^'

WC: 6.5k (Someone got carried away.)

Tags: @haendel-me-with-care

@mrsdoradominguez-barnes

@mickmoon

@lakef

@mrsmazzello

@valeriecarolinaw

@queen-turtle-boiii

@loveandbeloved29

@hardzzellos

Parts: 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

"Someone please help! Help us! "

"Bloody bastard just drove off without even stopping! "

"Are you fu- you left your phone?! He's barely clinging on to life!! Ask a random person to dial 911!"

"Oh god, what- what do we do- his head, his freaking head! There is so much blood right now!"

"D-don't move his neck! He's critical!"

"Rosy. Rosy. Calm down...he has to be fine..he should be... "

"An ambulance is on its way!"

"His head is fucking bloody! Do you even want- fuck! Someone help here! Someone, please help! "

"Is he even breathing?! "

"Oh god, Y/N! He's not- he's not! "

"You better not be joking around!"

"Joe! He is bloody dying and you think I'm fucking joking?!"

"He has no pulse as well..."

"I got to- I have to make an attempt to resuscitate him. "

"Are you sure?"

"We're not waiting for that goddamn vehicle! If I don't do it, he's going to die!"

"Wake up, Ben! Please, wake up..."

Blur. That's what everything was. A huge, uncoordinated, focal blur. A sea of people had crowded the scene like a flock of sheep ready to graze on the pasture, except the only green they had for their eyes was the sight of six, dreadful friends taking it in their hands to keep the seventh one grounded while they wait for professional help.

The ones with flashing cameras hoisted up high to document the scene disgusted you down to the pits of your stomach and you had wished for them to scatter away. You all, especially you had to bear the agony of seeing him motionless on the asphalt ground– without breath, skin drained of color while the only color highlighted in the spectrum was the copious but graphic amount of blood that had tainted the spot he was lying in– his hair coated in the sticky, sanguinary puddle, creating a traumatizing mix of blond and deep red that you now couldn't forget. The tears pricking from your eyes when you had given him mouth to mouth mingling with his bleeding forehead.

He had lost all consciousness at a maximum.

You had ached to cradle his body right there and then but had you acted on impulse; it would've worsened the situation.

Medics had filled in the scene seconds after you had given Ben a well-thought out CPR undeterred by your raging adrenaline. He was then brought into the ambulance with Rosy tagging along to be there when they rush him into the ER. You had gone after with the others in Gwilym's car, your shaking hands coated with drying blood -his drying blood- as you made your way to the hospital in a blistering cruise.

You're still in your dress, only topped with Joe's designer blazer to shield you from the cold and a warm, half-empty cup of brew situated between your palms partially substituting the natural heat of your skin, waiting quietly in the lounging room. They had transferred Ben to a private room after performing an operation on his head and scanning him afterwards. One of the emergency doctors remarked that if it weren't for your initiative to follow first aid protocol and give him immediate resuscitation before help had arrived– he would have gone ten minutes early.

You've been waiting an hour and a half for the doctor to step out of the room and deliver the news about his condition. And while you do that, Joe and Lucy have gone off to collect a fresh pair of clothing from the hotel for you to change into. Rosy is stood at the entrance making some calls, Gwilym and Rami have gone back to their respective hotels to change clothes and come back for the news.

You felt light hearing that comment but it's nothing compared to the aftermath of the accident. It was a hit-and-run and the driver didn't even step on his breaks or bother to stop to take responsibility.

Rami's blazer that had been used to delay Ben's bleeding has been given back to him for dry cleaning. To complicate the situation, you're supposed to be boarded on a plane back to England eight hours from now yet that's something you have to cross out from the bucket list, entirely. You're not going anywhere unless Ben heaves out a single sigh of life.

Not a single step out the fucking institution unless he opens those eyes.

Unless he parts his lips.

Unless he says your name.

You owe it to him for saving your life, nearly costing his.

And it's just 2 in the morning.

You put down the cup on the space next to you, bringing your hands up to your lowered head, underneath your eyes watering from all of that's happened tonight.

"We're back." Two figures stand before you minutes after your eyelids have fluttered shut in despair. You lift your head to be met with Joe and Lucy in their casual clothes, smiling sadly at you with paperbags in hand.

You return that smile with a much weaker one. They settle the bags down and Joe sinks down on one knee in front of you, taking your face in his hands gently while he peeks up at you. "I see the news isn't out yet. You can change, we'll take care of it."

"You sure?" You mumble quietly. He nods and you prolong a sigh as you sit up, getting tenderly lulled into a hug by Lucy. "He's gonna be okay." She expresses definitely as she rubs your back. You thank her for the reassurance before taking one of the bags that contains your clothes.

Pulling the hem of your sweatshirt in place, you couldn't wait to escape the lavatory. It smells of newly applied bleach and the pungent odor is plain nauseating. You close the door with the bag in hand on your way out but freeze in your spot as a certain, exclusive news breaks out in the TV screen above you.

"Just 10pm tonight, Bohemian Rhapsody and EastEnders star, Ben Hardy, has reportedly been gravely involved and injured in a hit-and-run just outside of Wallis Annenberg Center during the ongoing Vanity Fair after party. Sources said that he had dashed headlong down the traffic-jammed streets to what they said was an attempt to save co-star's, Joe Mazzello, date from an incoming vehicle– which he had succeeded in as he failed to save himself–" The rest of the news anchor's words go unprocessed in your head as you hurriedly trace your way back to the lounging area, unwilling to hear recurring reports at yours or anyone's expense.

It already hurts enough that you think it's partly your fault for acting so careless.

By now, the attending physician should be out and conveying the news to Lucy and Joe and as you arrive– he is, hands in his lab coat pockets, informing them in the most serious of tones.

They see you approaching and you ask immediately, words stumbling out of your mouth like perceivable beats. "Doc, how is he? How's Ben?"

With Lucy and Joe already informed about it, the doctor decides to tell you himself to save them the hassle. "He should be fine soon. However I must be frank with you, miss," your heart loses a beat for a fraction of a second at the suspense rising, "he flat lined twice in the ER. It took three sets of defibs to get his heart beating again." Hearing him break to you that Ben was a simple step away from death as they tried to treat him drains the warm color palette in your face, even with the affirmation that he's going to be alright; knowing there were two moments in which he had slipped in and out of life at the same time just upsets your stomach.

The doctor continues with his report, telling you that he's suffered from a mild to severe head trauma caused by the blunt force when he had his scalp dragged along the asphalt. Apparently he fissured the the near front of his skull and underwent neurosurgery for it. You quickly get the idea, having studied a series of medical topics of course, but it doesn't invalidate the fact that it still sounds like a bad thing.

The doctor sighs and adds. "Although he bled internally at a minimum, he's lucky to have bled externally for the most part."

Forming a steeple of your fingers and stealing a quick glimpse of Lucy and Joe, you gulp hard. "How long 'til he wakes up?"

"I'd say in about 48 hours. His scan results after the surgery showed promise for a stable recovery though he might wake up a little dazed at first due to the moderate concussion," at least you're getting the assurance that he's waking up, "your friend has a thick skull. He'll recover in time, but with short-term effects."

48 hours. Not enough time for you to stay or leave.

"Can we see him? Right now?" Setting your expectations to the highest, you ask with a glimmer of hope and the doctor approves, minding you to turn down the lights in the room as Ben would likely be sensitive to it by the time he wakes. "A nurse will come by and check on him every once in a while as well."

You nod weakly, thanking him professionally as you gradually hang your head in disappointment. He wishes Ben a speedy recovery before turning on his heels, leaving you to it.

Lucy brings her short hair up in a pigtail, asking as she lifts up her share of the paper bags. "Are we going in now? I mean, the doc said we're able to." She vaguely points at the door of the room and you and Joe swap looks before deciding on it. You collect your items from the seats and draw in breaths as you follow suit, stepping into the room and being welcomed by the almost odorless whiff of paint and medicine; along with the light to moderate blow of the air conditioner.

As the door clicks close, you stand motionless yet internally trembling at the heartbreaking sight of Ben lying unresponsive, surrounded by various machines working to keep him alive. Flanking his bed are the heart monitor -fully functional- and a medical ventilator from which he is breathing from. He's hooked up to an IV bag with a breathing tube put into his mouth, his left arm is propped upon his abdomen but protected around a plaster and supported within a blue arm sling and lastly, his head is wrapped in a layer of roller bandage– the giveaway of his major injury.

"Y/N..." Joe cooing breaks you off from your vacant gaze but you hand him a forlorn eye as bring yourself to Ben's side, glancing over his limp body. He's taken quite a hit to have fractured his arm like this. His complexion didn't appear as livid as it is now and marking his bottom lip -which has lost that luscious red tint as well- is a small bruise, parted from his upper lip as he involuntarily breathes through the tube in his mouth. You don't hear his slow exhales but the normal rise and fall of his chest consoles a small part of you; the stable beeping of the heart monitor being the only occuring noise in the room. Concerned with how awfully quiet you've gone, Lucy and Joe give each other fitting looks as they share the same thought on the situation. As one of them begins to step close to ensure you're taking it well, you pipe up before them, your once honey-laced voice diminished to a monotone. "It's...not my fault."

"Of course, it's not," Lucy, being the one who has taken that step close, tenderly agrees but you add.

"It's not but it feels like it is."

Now Joe steps up next but stop as you add once more.

"And I told him I wanted to forget him and for him to do the same." Now some tears are inevitable.

"Y/N-"

"As impractical as it is to think about it now, but what if he does?" your hand has now hovered over him, the nerves of the pads of your fingers itching to skim themselves over his free hand, "I don't want to go. But I have to and he's still not gonna wake up by the time I leave."

His condition just yearns for your touch but you don't want to lay a hand on him just yet, out of the fear that you might hurt a small part of him.

Joe sighs softly as he puts his hands on your shoulders, rubbing them with ease. "Why don't you just email the institution about it? Tell them you're gonna have to delay because of an urgent matter."

"I can do that, but only a day after. I can't take long."

"Rami and Gwilym are on their way," Lucy reminds as she gets off her phone from messaging them, "with some food and water."

"None of us are burning the midnight oil then," Joe stretches his limbs and returns to the couch to take a moment to relax, eyes snapping wide as he remembers something. "By the way, Y/N. If you spilled your heart out to him earlier, did you include the bit where our relationship was all but pretend?"

Surely the stare you and Lucy are sharing towards him could render the atmosphere painful but you answer regardless of the topic, shaking your head as you turn your attention to Ben once more. "No. But he's bound to question it. That is if he remembers what happened."

Lucy rests her hand on her hip as she glances at the heart monitor, the waves tempting her eyes to follow them. "Doctor never implied anything about amnesia."

The three of you fall silent again with you locking your gaze at the man who didn't want to let you go. Who chased you down a busy highway knowing he'd bite the dust if he did and ended up saving you at the expense of his own well-being.

And life.

And his own soul.

He'll recover in a short period, yes. But when you had gently grazed your trembling hand over his bloodied head in the middle of the street, it was as if he was bound to never wake up. A visual you want to shake off for the sake of composure.

Joe and Lucy take notice of your stilled silence again, their expressions low-spirited. Taking small steps towards you, Lucy wraps her arms around your shoulders from behind and pulls out a certain object from her back pocket, slipping it to you. "Found this in the inner pocket of Ben's tainted blazer when the doctors gave his clothes to us."

You cast your gaze to what she's holding and hear your heart shatter at what it is. You slowly take it from her and sweep your thumb over it.

Ben's share of your Homecoming picture.

And behind it, the same date and continuation of what was written on your half.

You piece it in your mind and feel your eyes cloud with tears, a droplet making a small patter as it lands on the polaroid.

He kept it. In his blazer. He brought it along with him.

_I'm not going... anywhere at all. _

"But I am." You mutter as opposed to the words in your head. For as long as you love him and he doesn't in the way you do, distancing yourself is something that needs to be done to make sure you finally let go. You'd stick around but it would further fragment your soul.

Just in time to tear you from reaching your breakfing point, the door creaks open to two men and a red-haired woman, two of whom are grasping paper bags containing some food and water and one with an overwrought look, respectively.

Lucy leaves your side and walks over to Rami's, kissing his cheek and helping them unload their items on the coffee table. Gwilym gives the three of you, and Rosy who had followed in behind them, an individual hug– asking you about Ben's condition as he lays eyes on him.

You assure him of a smooth recovery and it unknots the lump of worry he's under.

"Oh, Ben, baby... " Breaks down Rosy, who whizzes past you to tear up over her injured fiance. She gazes down painfully at the man before her and delicately fondles his blanch cheek, eyes narrowed to the point where her face has contorted to a scowl which she throws directly at you. "This is all your fault. "

Your brows crease at her in absolute confusion. "What are you talking about?" Sensing that an altercation is about to take place, the rest stumble quiet in preparation for the worst. Joe readies himself to butt in in case it escalates further.

"What did you say to him?" She asks you in a form of a hiss.

"Nothing! I-"

"He chased you down! You must have said something that set him off!" Her demanding voice echoes off the walls, overlaying the beeping and whizzing of both the heart monitor and ventilator. You begin swearing to her that you didn't say anything of the sort but trail off as you realize that what you had actually said, was something that indeed hurt him.

You draw your lips between your teeth and clench your fist, unable to respond with the truth, fearing it might just fuel the fire.

"That's- that's not important now." You shake your head dismissively and turn around.

"It is. You led Ben out into the street, agitated."

"Rosy, please. Can we not talk about this now? We're squabbling in front of an unconscious man-"

"Okay girls. Our boy is out cold but that doesn't mean he can't hear, right?" Eager to quench the growing conflict, Gwilym slides in between the dangerous proximity you've put yourselves in and you huff an apology.

On the other hand, Rosy does the complete opposite. "No, Gwilym. He has been acting strange for weeks and to think tomorrow's supposed to be our wedding! And this is all because of her."

Gwilym turns to her firmly and tries calming - or rather shutting her up for the sake of the peace Ben needs to heal- her down. "We're not throwing fingers here. I know tomorrow's the day and you don't want to put him under pressure, right? I don't think he's going to succumb to waking up if this goes on."

Rami, Lucy and Joe have remained unbelievably quiet but are as keen as Gwilym to prevent something unnecessary as this. It's barely 3 am in the morning for the love of God and you're all in a hospital room. Sleeping patients could bang their fists on the walls from the other side any time.

You, on the other hand, have already made four steps towards the door, ready to leave the room to be alone with your thoughts for the night but you're unable to twist the knob as Rosy snaps once more with the hint, distressing with a clenched jaw.

She's unrelenting.

"Please Y/N, you're overstepping and frankly it's getting in the way of my relationship with Ben."

"You have no idea what I'm trying to do," You mumble in the most bitter of intonations for Rosy to get the message, your fingers clenching around the knob and producing a faint chink. "But he's my best friend. Let me be the person I've always been to him, " you whip your head at her -a stare you're certain could equal to a pelted javelin- and draw your brows together, pleading on account of choosing to be present in a crisis such as this, " he's all yours anyway."

With a strong swing of the door, you march angrily out of the room, making your way outside the building to blow off steam – the smooth rub of the polaroid between your fingers surrendering you to tears.

You give yourself exactly 48 hours to stay before heading back to England to board your flight for Spain.

10 hours

Ben's accident was a clean hit-and-run. Apparently some bystanders had snapped a shot of the license plate the moment the car slowed down and accelerated afterwards. It was then delivered to the police to be given further investigation. His parents have flown in from England to visit him and you badly wish you could greet them but some things are just too heavy to do right now. Back at the hospital, Ben's been given hourly checks and assessments, with each desired result constant. He's not responsive to any physical contact but the doctor is certain that he can perceive sound and sound only. His body is asleep but his mind isn't.

The rest will be visiting him at dusk while you're going in late with Joe.

After sending an email to the university about your 24-hour delay, you spend the entire day just waiting to go down there and be by his side. Regarding your solitude in the hotel room, Rami had Lucy stay in with him for the meantime and being initially worried about leaving you, she had asked for your permission to which you said yes to.

Sometimes in the day, you can't hold back a few tears at the flashing memory.

17 hours

Loving can hurt

Standing in front of the private room, you clutch the collar of your shirt anxiously, hearing incoherent but distinct murmurs on the other side of the door. Joe looks down at you and squeezes your hand lightly to relieve you of pressure. He knows how much this is affecting you, and though not visually shown, he's taking it hard too.

Loving can hurt sometimes

The door opens to a couple you've familiarized yourself with for so long. Ben's parents.

"Y-Y/N?" Says his mum, unable to believe that it's you standing before her. Your breath hitches as you grin sadly, being pulled into her embrace. "It's been so long."

"It has, Mrs. Jones."

Joe shakes hands with his father as he introduces himself politely. Mr. Jones greets you in with a light hug as well and you can't help but spill a few tears.

But it's the only thing that I know

They give you full access to the room

as they themselves have to leave for a while, thereby trusting their son to his closest circle. Knowing how tight you and Ben are, they give you much of their trust on this one and you'd want nothing more than to make sure he'll wake up without any further complications. They obviously know about Rosy but witnessing how long you and Ben have grown on one another, they trust you the most.

They bid you and Joe goodbye, leaving access to the room exclusive.

When it gets hard

As you begin closing the door behind Joe, he insists that you have some alone time with him. Though it may feel weird but he feels as if you need this the most with time going against you now. Touched by his thoughtfulness, you give him a quick embrace before he leaves you to it.

You know it can get hard sometimes

The sight before you hasn't changed that much.

The same monitors and the same person.

Same feeling.

However you'd rather take everything

in a different light and situation.

You fiddle with your fingers as you accumulate the strength to swallow the lump in your throat, drawing yourself to his side. The mild, incessant whirring of both the air conditioner and ventilator occupies the silent atmosphere along with the steady beeps of the heart monitor, blocking the huge gulp you've taken.

It is the only thing that makes us feel alive

Slowly taking a seat on the stool positioned beside the guard rails of the bed, you let out a quavery sigh– the byproduct of all the tearing up you've done today. You take his free hand in yours and stroke his pale knuckles with your thumb, leaning in to plant a kiss on it.

We keep this love in a photograph

"Ben? It's me. Can you hear me?"

One-sided conversations are helpful according to experts and this is the perfect opportunity to tell him everything without having to bear the flits in his expression.

But you beg to differ.

We made these memories for ourselves. Where our eyes are never closing.

You continue, allowing every crack and quiver to manifest in your voice no matter how relatively pathetic it will make you sound.

"Ben, please, you gotta wake up. You're leaving us in a hot mess here, bud. Hell, you gave your parents the scare of their lives. I know I'm starting off rough with this, but it's all cause you had to leap in like that. But then again, it was- it was not your fault. This- all of this is not your doing. I should've been more careful on that road. Would've been better if I had cut back on the melodrama, huh? Haha..."

You lick your lips and resume, owning the patters your tears have soiled on the tiled floor.

Hearts are never broken

"I'm sorry if I had to hide it all from you, " you build it up slowly, tears tenacious to leave your eyes, "it's just that I was afraid you'd soon forget me once you've married and I wouldn't be part of your life anymore. To make matters worse, I have always loved you, Ben. On every level and aspect, I still do. Sticking around to see you spend the rest of your life with someone else when that feeling is still present is just toxic. And to think you're supposed to be wedded tomorrow, "you sniffle, taking a few seconds to form your following words, "that's why it would be easier if we- if we...oh god, I'm actually much more of an actor than you are..." You want to chuckle for it, but nothing resembling a chuckle mopes out of your mouth. Just...short breaths.

Time is forever frozen-

"But I truly am happy for you. I really am. But I can't be happy myself when you've taken a huge portion of my heart and I'm just...I just want to make sure nothing will ever ruin your happiness," You close the distance between you and the bed, your hot tears dripping on his arm sling, the cloth absorbing it. You're really taking advantage of his inability to respond.

"I'm s-sorry, Ben. I don't know how long I can stay by your side like this. Literally like this. But as long as I am able, " you lower your head onto his chest, now shamelessly sobbing like you haven't broken down in centuries, squeezing his free but chilly hand like it's the only thing that'll give you warmth tonight, "I'm sorry if I'm going somewhere."

And still

Despite promising to give you a moment alone with him, Joe -having recurring, inquisitive tendencies- has acted as opposed to his promise and eavesdropped on your unrequited talk due to having to wait too long, not realizing that after hearing all your words exit in sobs, you've fallen asleep with your head on Ben's chest.

Joe glances around the hall before budging the door open, careful not to disturb you as he sees you out cold next to him. He presses his lips into a hard line and chuckles quietly, amused as he grabs an available sheet from the couch and drapes it over you. The moment he notices a tear droplet stuck in the corner of your eye, he wipes it away with his thumb, sighing profoundly.

"Rosy's gonna flip when she gets back and sees this. So, " Joe, mumbling on his own, tumbles back down onto the couch and kicks back, "I'll be here just in case."

20 hours

So you can keep me

A nurse opens the door with a tray and clipboard in hand to conduct an hourly assessment of his condition, not minding your head placement on his chest. He's still unresponsive to anything external.

I**nside the pocket of your ripped jeans **

As the test ends and the nurse closes the door on her way out, his finger twitches.

30 hours

Holding me closer til our eyes meet

Joe wakes you up softly with a bowl of soup in hand– something he bought from the cafeteria upstairs. You lift your heavy head from its recent spot and blink your bleary eyes at him, giving away a wry smile and telling him you'll eat later on.

You won't ever be alone

"By they way, this slipped from your pocket." He slips something off the table and hands it to you with a knowing look, that something being the dual polaroids you've taped together the other night. You take it from him deliberately and turn your head to Ben, before staring down at the joint pictures, nostalgia ever so sudden like a whiplash.

Wait for me to come home

35 hours

Loving can heal

Rami and Lucy have stopped by to visit and take your 'shifts' considering Rosy is still absent and you and Joe had to return to the hotel to change. The attending physician and a nurse come in to replace his breathing tube with a nasal cannula, since the assessment done hours prior has shown that he's already capable of breathing on his own.

39 hours

Loving can mend your soul

"Funny how today is supposed to be his wedding but we're getting a funeral instead. " Morbidly comments one of Ben's visitors and closest friends. Every single person in the room who has come by to visit Ben shoots a death glare at him for making that joke within a two feet radius of Ben who is sure to give him a bop on the head the minute he gets up.

41 hours

And it's the only thing that I know

Meanwhile Rosy had spent the entire day rescheduling the wedding and the once volatile reactions she's had do a 360 and is brought down to one, constant look as she bumps into you on your way to Ben's room.

42 hours

I swear it will get easier, remember that with every piece of you

You both don't say a word until you've settled down on the couch as she strays to Ben's side and wipes the glistening speckle of sweat on his cheek with her thumb, the silence coming to a close as you pry the words out of your mouth.

"Rosy, believe me. I have never harboured the thought of coming between you both. I'm only ever there for him as a friend."

And it's the only thing we take with us when we die

Giving you an impassive eye, she ignores your words entirely and turns her attention back to her fiance.

45 hours

We keep this love in a photograph

You don't leave the room with the hours progressing to the moment he's timed to wake up. A lot of people have paid him a visit, cracking jokes and talking to him notwithstanding the fact that he's utterly unresponsive. They've done all they can to lighten the mood in the room, hoping all their antics and bliss would lure Ben out of his induced insensibility. But he's nowhere near the edge.

We made these memories for ourselves

47 hours

With Rosy snuggled up against his side, Ben retains immobility and it's a sight you're not used to since he's one of the most fidgety arseholes who's ever graced your life. You know you'd be bombed by her if you do this with her close by, but you had given yourself exactly 48 hours to stay before heading back.

Where our eyes are never closing, hearts are never broken

And so you wander to the opposite side of the bed and peer at down your wristwatch for the time.

Time's forever frozen and still.

48 hours

"Ben?" You whimper close to his ear. He's not responding. You know he wouldn't wake up that quickly at the strike of the exact hour but you're impatient to say goodbye to him with his forest, green eyes on full display and wandering around your (Y/E/C) ones to bolster you up.

"Hey." You coax into his ear again, still no response. The racing beat of your heart has matched the beeps of the heart monitor. His heart beats. The similarity is sketchy but nearly symbolic. You're leaving in the morning and he's not up and lively for you to fervently crush in a parting embrace.

"Bud, please. I can't force you to wake up but I'm leaving tomorrow. You have to help me...here." At this point, though how eager you are to, you can't let some tears stream down from your eyes since the possibility of Rosy waking up to you catching sobs is feasible, but Ben's involuntary stillness is not helping you with that ordeal. Losing all hope for a night, you straighten up and collect your things from the couch, deciding to come back one last time tomorrow prior to your departure.

You quickly open the door to the attending physician who's about to step in to take physical tests but you whisk past him without taking a second look.

Easy to say you didn't have a good night sleep with all the stresses weighing down on you that night. Either you hyperventilated in your slumber or remained asleep but with tears seeping from your half-closed eyes.

You've sent Lucy a text in the early hours of the morning notifying her about your departure today. She hasn't responded yet.

"Just a 24-hour delay? Are they that heartless?" Leaning on the door frame of your hotel room with a bitten donut in his hand, Joe questions as he watches you prop your luggage against the open door. "I had to reschedule the flight thrice last month, this one being the latest. It's only reasonable," You huff as a matter of fact, fixing the scarf that has dangled loose around your neck and staring into oblivion barely a second after going tight-lipped.

Finishing his donut, Joe pokes you out of your momentary trance. "You alright?"

You shake your head.

"I don't even know if he's awake now. It's past 48 hours and what if he-"

"There's only one way to find out," appeasing your elevating worry, he grabs you by the shoulders and looks you square in the eye, silently guaranteeing you of his recovery.

Since he'll be driving you to the airport, your things are neatly stored in the confines of the backseat but of course, you have to see Ben one last time, setting aside all the excruciating anticipation.

You scurry into the entrance with Joe by your side, out of breaths by the time you arrive at the door of Ben's room. Taking precautionary measures, you knock firmly on the surface expecting someone or Rosy to answer. But nada. You swap some looks with Joe and twist the knob gently, finding the room free of visitors and medical staff. Perhaps they've assessed him an hour prior.

"No one's around."

As you begin slipping a foot through the ajar door, Joe puts a hand on your shoulder, stopping you mid-step.

"Lucy's on her way."

His update on her reply makes you smile and you continue into the room, seeing the curtains that had blocked the sunlight for two days cast aside, spilling some sunlight into the room.

You take small, wobbly steps along the floor, unable to accept that until now he hasn't fluttered open those orbs you loved staring into so much. You suddenly fear that a complication has risen and is causing his extended unconsciousness but that must be the least of your worries.

So you can keep me, inside the pocket of your ripped jeans

He has to hear you. He has to. He has to.

He's gone really pasty. Dark circles under his eyes despite being asleep for two days. He has grown a scruff and looks painfully unruly, but still a face of an angel. You crouch and take his free hand in yours– careful not to disconnect the IV tube from his wrist, caressing it and drawing in a sharp inhale to free yourself of any doubt to speak up. "Ben. It's Y/N. You're scaring us, you know. The doctor said you'd wake up earlier but why? Why haven't you? What are you doing in there?"

This being the end of the long haul for you, you're not forcing anything at bay anymore– not your tears, not your peeves and certainly not your feelings. You interlace your fingers around his and kiss the back of his hand, your cheeks growing scarlet and wet with tears.

Holding me closer til our eyes meet, you won't ever be alone.

You get up from crouching and throw your arm around him in defiance of the possibility of applying a lot of pressure on his chest. It feels so different holding him that way. For the time you have left, an overly emotional, one-sided conversation should make up for the lost times that would've been great for those.

And if you hurt me, that's okay baby only words bleed

"You really kept that Homecoming picture, didn't you? Coincidentally I did too, just forgot it was there as well. But I pieced it back, by the way. Ironic that we both made a promise on those polaroids the night before graduation. I-I have it with me here, just so you know. Just thought I'd bring it out since...I'll be going soon." You pull the pictures out from the pocket of your coat with trembling hands, eager to wave them in front of him. Once out, you place it on the bedside table for him to keep once more but with your share of the picture.

Inside these pages you just hold me, and I won't ever let you go

You lay your forehead on his, your tears dripping onto his closed lids as you sob his name to get him to wake, at the same time feeling his soft exhales brush against your chin. " I told you I'd be strong and I'm trying to be. I know it sounds like a selfish thing to do but you have to trust me on this one. I want to move on, Ben. You're bound to be wedded soon and have a family of your own. I want to be there for that. I want to be that aunt who'll spoil your kids and make them fight you for the craziest demands. Those things I'd gladly do...if I wasn't this hopeless for you," Little by little, your voice comes out as broken whisper– losing your strength to add any more things to say in the process. On the other side of the door, Joe is finally joined by Lucy who has arrived not a minute late and they can't help but tear up a little at how uncontrolled your crying is slowly turning out, it's become audible enough to be heard from outside.

"Ben, buddy. Come on." He huffs against the hardwood as he and Lucy are tempted to barge in.

Burying your face into the exposed column of his neck with your arm slackening from being draped across his chest, you utter a voiceless but heartfelt statement.

Wait for me to come home

"I love you, Benjamin Jones. Be happy for me."

Your words hang thinly in the fragile air as you pull away from that proximity and leave a long kiss on his forehead, walking back sadly to the door with your hand outstretched ready to grab ahold of the knob.

"H-how could I be..."

The words released sound like a mere memory resonating in your head but you are proved wrong once you turn around.

#borhap #queen #ben hardy #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy x reader #borhap cast #borhap cast x reader #borhap imagine #ben hardy fanfic #imagine #fanfic

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fragilepromise · 5 years ago

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im so glad its 2020 cuz honestly the symmetry??? absolutely delightful! anyways resolutions pt 3

write a weekly journal

workout atleast twice a week

read 1 or 2 books each month

complete year in pixels

use 1secondeveryday app

use ig story (and post 3 times a month)

revive aesthetic ig and also change it up

read the bible three times a week

try out more makeup

GET DRIVERS LICENSE (dhdjsjshahsha)

complete topik 3 minimum

many more pictures with friends and family

compliment more strangers

spend more quality time with friends

work more on myself and continue my journey of self love!

#monologue #2020 resolutions #resolutions

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sawyersick · 6 years ago

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1 through 69 because you gotta twin with me

OMG ASDFGHJKL

aight here goes bitchez

1. are you religious?

nahh but my parents sent me to church camp when I was in elementary school??? For the cheap childcare I guess???

2. what animal do you think you’re most like?

I haven’t thought about this much but I think a field mouse!!

3. how do you take your coffee?

never……………………… I hate coffee

4. how old were you when you had your first kiss?

my mom’s bosses son forced himself on me when we were 6 lol so I don’t count that……….. so 15 i guess (according to my friend, if there’s no hormones it doesn’t count lol)

5. museum date or aquarium date?

AQUARIUM AQUARIUM AQUARIUM

6. do you have any tattoos or piercings? do you want more?

Just my ears are pierced and I have a whale (badly) tattooed on my hip I’ll post pix if you want but its pretty uggo

I want another whale on the other side so I’ll be symmetrical and a triangle hand tat….. maybe an eyeball tat (a tattoo of an eyeball…. not one on my eye lol)? I’m not really interested in anymore piercings tho

7. favorite fruits?

strawberries!!!

8. favorite vegetables?

when I was 12 I ate so many carrots my skin turned orange and my mom thought I had jaundice

also I heckin love mushrooms

9. i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank)

I’ll only date you if you treat me with respect :(

10. do you cry a lot?

yeah lol at least twice a month minimum

11. who are your closest friends?

I don’t really have any? I’ve felt distant from my irl friends lately so idk probably just demo

12. have you ever been a part of a protest or a march?

I did the walk out for gun violence

13. do you play any video games?

helllllls yeah but I usually only play 3/ds

14. did you ever have an emo or scene phase?

yes and I think I’m still in it rip

15. what color is most of your wardrobe?

I think I wear a lot of blue! and black and white too i guess…… I’m trying to add more reds tho

16. what do you like to do for fun?

I bake and sew and draw! and listen to music

17. what is your biggest fear?

body horror tw for this one rip

being abandoned, being forced to do horrifically gross/unclean stuff, getting my eyes gouged out, getting the bones in my hands broken, getting acid poured on my face, the people around me dying, being forced to eat live slugs, getting my skin peeled off with a knife

18. name a subject you know a lot about.

whales/the ocean in general and baking!! and the band Liily

19. favorite fictional characters?

hm idk? Link and Zelda from LoZ, Clover and Snake and Aoi from 999, rhyme from TWEWY, Maka and Soul from Soul Eater, Storm from the Xmen, Ariel from the Little Mermaid, Chun Li, the Kagamines, Rilakkuma

idk I just thought about characters I have merch for

20. do you read a lot? what are your favorite books?

I used to??? Haven’t had the time for it in a while though and I’ve been reading a lot of how-to books as of late….. I really liked the Legend trilogy though

21. how would you describe your style?

art style and fashion style would both be classified as “cute but tries to be edgy” I think

22. did you have a favorite stuffed animal when you were little? do you still own it?

Yes!! a pastel elephant with a rattle in it named Elephant (very creative I know) He’s in my stuff somewhere now and this question reminded me to go find him again

23. what’s something most people love that you hate?

hmmm…. sports? mustard? airpods???? idk

24. do you think you’re a good singer?

actually yes? I wanna be in a band but I’m lowkey afraid of singing in front of people I know but have no problem doing it in front of an audience of strangers hmu if you’re in the SF bay area I’ve written 6 punk songs

25. who do you live with?

my parents and cat

26. favorite desserts?

ice cream, anything with chocolate or whipped cream, creme brulee, lemon tarts

I’m not too picky though lol

27. what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?

realizing that I can actually do mostly whatever I want and most things have fewer consequences than I think

also cutting people out of my life that emotionally exhaust me

28. favorite makeup brands?

uhhhh whatever’s cheap and doesn’t make my eyes burn ig urban decay is good when I can afford it

29. favorite clothing stores/brands?

Goodwill??? I used to shop at f21 but I try not to anymore

30. what was your first job?

working at a lake teaching windsurfing and sailing and I still work there

31. do you take a lot of naps?

n o I absolutely h a t e taking naps and try to avoid them

32. what is your favorite part about your body?

hmm I have pretty good hair i think and sometimes my eyes? I have huge (genetic) eyebags tho which gets me down

33. are you more dominant or more submissive?

In day to day life I guess I’m more dominant??? like I make decisions when nobody else wants to :0 also idk intimately since iM aN aDuLt vIrGiN and pretty sex repulsed but probably sub

34. are you more outgoing or more shy?

outgoing but sometimes it makes me annoying

35. how tall are you?

short…………………………. 4′8/143 cm

36. what is your body type?

uhh hourglass????? maybe pear I got them Thunder Thighs according to the guy who got kicked out of drama club for peeping in the girls changing room

37. favorite flower?

calendula, sunflowers, lavender and dianthus!!

38. favorite planet?

Neptune??????????????????

39. what do you want to dress up as for halloween this year?

I wanna be the bride of frankentstein but in a shiro lolita coordinate to make her look ~fancy~ or the Nancy part of Sid and Nancy if I’m in a relationship by that time

40. do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?

Ideally the same age and I’m wary of dating anyone more than 2 years younger or older than me but I’m more willing to date older than younger

41. describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail.

yall know who it is already but

in a band, dark hair, kinda tall, very fashionable, coincidentally happens to be the same racial mix as me, good at art, very humble, really sweet, lives in SoCal, has a hand tattoo of milk and “aye yah” on his arm, paints his nails orange, wears a lot of rings, gets freckles in the summer, prefers vanilla over chocolate, ties his shoes the cool way

42. who is your biggest inspiration?

idk at the moment? I like to draw from many inspirations

43. do you have any kinks?

???????????????????????????????????

44. do you own any pets?

one (1) very loving cat

45. which celebrity do people say you look the most like?

……………………….. myself

I literally had to google mixed race celebrities and STILL none look like me lol

46. do you like sports?

not really except I weirdly like baseball

47. have you ever seen a broadway musical?

Yes!! I won tickets to On Your Feet and Charlie and The Chocolate Factory

I also won Hamilton tickets but saw it in SF yall should download the app

48. what is your favorite kind of food?

noodles!!

49. would you rather be a fairy or a mermaid?

MERMAID actually I have a mermaid tail too so

50. what is your instagram?

@wishwhale :)

51. glossy lips or matte lips?

glossy by default because I have chronically dry skin/lips so matte lips are sooooooooooooooo uncomfy but it looks good on other people lol

52. do you like cherry, grape, blue raspberry, watermelon, or green apple jolly ranchers the best?

grape because im weird

53. what are your best personality traits?

I’d like to think that I’m kind and sometimes funny

54. what is your ethnicity?

asian/white

55. what different hair colors have you had?

brown and brown with pink that was supposed to be purple

56. favorite disney princess?

Ariel! bc mermaid

57. favorite album of 2017?

Humanz by Gorillaz or Deep Dream by Daddy Issues I guess

I was weirdly obsessed with Feel Your Feelings Fool when it came out but I’m not really into it anymore though

58. have you ever had braces?

nah

59. favorite holiday?

Halloween! Because dressing up is fun

60. post a selfie.

how do I make this smaller anyways I don’t normally wear this much makeup but I’m going to a small show tonight

61. are you a good swimmer?

Yes!! I swim once a week at my local pool

62. do you wear jewelry?

I used to wear a lot………. like multiple necklaces and bracelets and rings daily but now I wear my ring every day and a necklace/earrings if I remember

63. can you play any instruments?

I’m learning guitar!!

64. do you have any siblings?

short answer is no but you can dm me for the long answer

65. are your grandparents still alive? how old are they?

just my maternal grandmother and she is almost 90! My paternal grandmother lived to 102 so I’m hoping for those good genes though (I think she would have lived longer because my family suspects elder abuse by my weird aunt)

66. who knows the most about you?

hmm probably Demo or Emily

67. are you a more quiet person or do you talk a lot?

I! Never! Shut! Up!

68. what advice would you give to your 13 year old self?

shut the fuck up you stupid bitch you arent cool

69. how many pillows do you sleep on?

two

#ask #ask meme #my face #shut up sawyer #long post #loooooooooooooooong post

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oldnintendonerd · 5 years ago

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Season 3 in full swing - But first... the Pre-Season

Alright, I’ll admit it, I’ve been slacking here. It takes time to write these up, and time is something I have not had as much of as I’d like. We made it to the very end of 2018 in the last blog post, and we had a whopping $103.68 in the game hunting money stash. I’ll tell you what too, it gets even better. One of my first finds of 2019 was at the Goodwill, and it wasn’t even a game, but boy did it help the game hunting money.

A decent condition TU-2 Tuner pedal from Boss. I actually have one of my own and didn’t need one at all, but at TWO BUCKS? I couldn’t pass it up, knowing it’d have to be easily $40 at minimum, without even looking it up. It was a little dusty, and had a few dings and scrapes, but man, these things are tanks. Anyone familiar with this will recognize it as really good condition. I’ve seen them with massive amounts of rust and nearly no paint left and they still work like a charm.

Little before and after for you here:

Sold that son of a bitch for a cool $58.99 on eBay. After listing fee, PayPal fee, and shipping we add $44.06 to the game hunting money, totaling $147.74. A new record high!

That was in early February. Deep winter is terrible for finds, and it wasn’t until late March, on the 22nd, until I found even SOMETHING. A Wii sensor bar for $0.99 at Goodwill. No pics of that, it’s a sensor bar. It’s... yeah. A sensor bar. I needed them though, I have like 6 extra Wiis. Been waiting to get a couple complete systems so I can sell, or mod and sell each one. In any case, totaled $1.06 out the door. We drop to $146.68. Moving on.

March 26th, once again, at the Goodwill. Knocking on Spring cleaning’s door and I spot a blue Dual Shock 2 controller. Sitting in the toys section, not electronics. Not by the video games. In the toys section. This is not the first time this has happened, finding something game related in the toys section. Last time I think it was a few actual PS2 games.

Tiny bit of dust in some of the nooks and crannies, but man is it in good condition. Sticks are 9/10 easy, and buttons are nice and crispy. My new favorite PS2 controller right now. This one set us back $3.99. Or, $4.29 out the door. This takes us to $142.39.

Great find, I only had one DualShock 2 controller when I found this, so really couldn’t have been better timing. Having two again makes the system feel whole again somehow.

Moving into April, we ran across an unusually valuable title. Now I don’t mean it is worth $100 or anything, I just mean it is one that you would liken to be being something along the lines of maybe $5 complete.

Wheel of Fortune for PS3 - Found at Goodwill 04.12.2019

Again, not a hundred dollars but it was still worth $13.95 on Pricecharting. Usually that tells me it is a least worth a play. So I snagged it. This was Goodwill again, so $2.99, and $3.21 out the door. Takes the hunting money down to $139.18.

on 04.15.2019 I hit a flea market. Really not much there, one guy had a completely obliterated Sega Dreamcast I didn’t even look twice at. That was it, other than a guy with a small bag of DS and GBA games. He wanted $30 for the whole bag, and I’d never heard of any title other than this one...

Snagged it for $4 just by itself. It looks like its going for about $12 loose, so I thought that was acceptable. I don’t have a DS to test it on (yet), but cartridges almost never fail really. So fingers crossed this one is fine. Takes us to $135.18.

A couple weeks later, it is still not yet really Yard Sale season. There has been a sprinkling, and by this time I have visited a handful, but with no luck finding anything. The next find is still a thrift store find. I’ll admit I probably paid more for this than I should have, Pricecharting has this one at $5.69 complete. I paid $3.92, which brought it to $4.20 after tax.

Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception - Found 04.28.2019 at VoA

I don’t mind paying a little more for games when they have been tough to find, or if they are going to my collection. This one is both. The Uncharted series, ever since I found out about it, and that it was generally well received and liked, I’ve been looking for copies. I knew they were cheap and the only time I’ve run across any copies was at GameStop, and they were $4.99, and disc only. I’m like I am not paying $5 plus tax, for a disc only game that is worth pretty much exactly that CIB. I want the box to put on the shelf! So when I saw this in the thrift I grabbed it anyway. Still under retail price, or at least what I’d pay on eBay to have one shipped. Most were around $10, give or take a dollar. So half price? Not bad, and in decent condition.

The $4.20 takes us to $130.98.

Now, we are at least into the current month. I walked into The Salvation Army store on May 9th and spotted this...

A Sega CD. Not easy to find or come by, especially in the box. However, not being a Sega guy (obviously), and because of that, not having looked at prices for Sega CD really ever, let alone recently, I guessed at it being worth about $100 to $120. I thought the condition of the box was a little rough to be asking $69.99, so I left with only the photo on my phone.

Later that evening I looked on eBay sold listings and was a little surprised. Ones without the box were going for what I thought the CIB one would be worth. I posted the shot I snapped above on my Instagram and asked my followers their opinion: Would they have picked it up?

Overwhelmingly... yes, they would have!

So I stopped in the next morning after they opened and asked to look at it. It was indeed CIB, though the box had seen better days. Even the carton inside had a few rips. but it was all there, and still held everything securely. I asked if it had been tested. The guy at the front said yes they test everything they get. I said oh, you guys have a Genesis to hook to this? Could I see it work?

That was met with a blank stare. Another guy that does the testing actually admitted that it was not tested. So I said how about $40 then, since I’m taking a risk here. They said they can’t adjust the price, only the manager can do that. I asked if the manager was in and after a little chasing, they found her and she came up to the front to talk to me. I explained that this is an add-on system, not a stand alone console and it is not tested, I’d like to get it for a little cheaper to account for the risk I’m taking if I buy it. She lowered the price to $49.99.

I bought it.

Everything is there, the extension piece, the adapter, the manual, both RF shields, and the plate used to attach the extension. There was even a game in it!

The disc is VERY rough on Ecco, but it does play. I know this because a co-worker helped me out, gave me his Genesis and it fired right up on the first try, and booted the game with no problems. I tried a few more times just to make sure it wasn’t a fluke, even let it run for a while, and played a bit of it. It did struggle here and there because of the scratches, but otherwise played fine!

Could not be happier. I plan to clean it up a bit, as you can see it does have some dust and grime on it.

But once that’s taken care of I think it will be a great looking Sega CD. I will probably offer it up to Instagram first before trying it on the ‘bay. if anyone is interested please let me know on Instagram, I’m just @oldnintendonerd.

The price isn’t set yet, I am thinking somewhere between about $175 and $200. The last one that sold on ebay went for $300 shipped. better condition box though, so that’s why i’m thinking somewhere in the neighborhood of $200 to $230 shipped. I’m open to opinions if you have them, comment here or DM on IG.

This purchase, after tax was $53.74, taking us down to $77.24. however, this was bought SOLELY to flip. I do not collect for Sega, so this is entirely for profit to help buy more Nintendo stuff. I have no problem with Sega, I do not view it as trash or anything, I just didn’t grow up with it, and my heart belongs to Nintendo. There is only so much room in my home, and in my budget, so it must go.

We’ll call it there for this one, hopefully I’ll have another post up much sooner than every three months or so. Summer months should yield higher finds so I can detail stuff here more often. I hope.

2019.05.29

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luxinyourlife · 6 years ago

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Details of my November monthly 😊

I check my monthly about twice a week, and my decoration this month just makes me so happy! I hope you’re having a good November. It’s going by so fast, right?

IG luxinyourlife

Use my code LINDSAY15 for 15% off your order at The Modest Cat Etsy, no minimum! 💖 link in bio

https://etsy.me/2D2wp1i

#bujo #planner #bullet journal #luxinyourlife #stationery #studyblr #plan with me #bulletjournal #kawaii #the modest cat #etsy #etsy shop #etsy seller

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birkinbae · 7 years ago

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self care tips !

aight so i’ve been seeing a lot of self care accounts and tips on IG and shit.. so imma make my own list of tips for you beautiful ladies out there !

before i start, remember to always. and i mean alwaysssss. want the best for yourself. stay beautiful sis. focus on yourself, your goals, making that dough and just be the boss ass bitch you already are (:

1. exfoliate

2. moisturize your skin. legs, arms, face, everywhere.

3. drink water ! stay away from sodas, and juices from concentrate.

4. exercise if you can

5. don’t drink too much alcohol, and if you’re gonna be smoking, keep it to a minimum pls. try not to do it at all, if you can.

6. pray and/or meditate.

7. wash your hair at least once or twice a week. and deep treatment about once a month.

8. if it’s possible, get your nails done. not just to have nice pretty nails, but it keeps them healthy. don’t do acrylics too much, it’ll damage nail beds.

9. take your vitamins. hair, skin and nail pills are the best. i use biotin, but depending on what your pharmacy/drug store, or possibly your food store has, get that.\

10. read. it’ll keep your mind refreshed in a sense i guess. but it is shown to improve memory.

11. focus on school. get those grades up. imma post good sites later, but review, highlight, study. anything necessary to keep those grades looking good.

12. lastly, don’t let anyone stress you out. especially not these niggas.

#self love #self #self care #baddie #love #loveyourself #love yourself #i love you #tips #self care tips

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feysanded · 7 years ago

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Last February 21, as soon as my exams were over, I headed to World Trade Center in Manila to go to the Big Bad Wolf Books Sale! Yes, despite having almost 3 days of sleepless nights, I went to it because during that day because it was the only time I was free.

Disclaimer: I don’t have a lot of pictures, because I was too busy book shopping lol

The Big Bad Wolf Book Sale is a huge international book fair that travels around the globe, and it’s actually their first time to visit the Philippines. With around 2 weeks stay in the country, they even had their doors open for 24 hours! Yes, 24 hours! You can go any time of the day that’s the most convenient for you. That is why I was able to go to the book fair from 8pm until 11pm that day. I would have stayed longer if it weren’t because of me being exhausted already form my exams, adding the exhaustion I experienced while walking around the venue, and that I had an 8am class the other day.

Let’s just say this book fair is a bookworm’s 7th heaven. SO MANY BOOKS IN SUCH A HUGE ROOM! AND SO LITTLE TIME TO BROWSE THROUGH EVERYTHING! Even though I prepared for my trip by listing down all the books I plan to buy since I had watched my bookworm friends’ IG stories, all that preparation vanished into thin air as soon as I stepped inside the venue. I mean, come on! How can you not go crazy in this room?!

My bookworm friends gave me a lot of tips also on what to do in the fair, and I tried to follow them as much as possible while I was inside. The first thing I did was grab a pushcart (yes, I always use a pushcart to book fairs) and go immediately to the first section I found. My friends told me that I should just keep shooting books in my cart when I find them, because I won’t be able to see them again if I come back for them in a few minutes. So basically my cart was already filled just an hour in. But I started taking out books from my cart as time went on, because I had a 50/50 decision about them.

My favorite part was finding the really great books in the discarded piles! That was the real treasure hunting! All I did was walk by the area, and then my eyes immediately zoom in into a box or a person leaving behind that most precious book. I didn’t hesitate anymore and just grabbed it in my cart. That was another tip I got – make sure to visit the discarded books section.

Not to mention I also ran into 3 of my med school batchmates during that time. Like them, we were also on the look out for medical dictionaries and other medical books, but sadly, we didn’t find that much. And the only ones we found were so freaking expensive, I doubt that they were still within the 60-80% discount. So we all stuck together during the remaining part of the trip until all of us were tired and had aching necks and feet.

So after 4 roundtrips around the venue and many discarded books later, I finally was able to get 7 precious books! I got back home in Cavite around 11:30pm, but I was still able to unload my books and show my purchase through my IG stories (if you were able to watch it). So here’s my BBWPH book haul!

I was able to get these books for only P1400 ($28)! I usually spend a minimum of P2000 ($40) at the regular book fair I go to every September, even with the discounted prices. But the sale here is so ridiculously low that your money can get you a lot of books! I actually brought extra money, but I was glad to only spend this much! My wallet is thanking me (a little)

Written in My Own’ Heart’s Blood by Diana Gabaldon – I have the MMPB versions of the first 3 books in this series, but I just had to get this one even though I’m still ages away from this part of the series!

A Trail of Fire by Diana Gabaldon – this is an Outlander novella.

Golden Son by Pierce Brown – now I need to have the first, third, and fourth books!

Sins and Needles by Karina Halle

Wild Lavender by Belinda Alexandra

The Mime Order by Samantha Shannon – I already have the first book of this, so I didn’t think twice to get this from the discarded section

Peanuts Classic Comics from 1959 – 1963

Overall, I had a lot of fun but tiring time going to this book fair, and my trip wasn’t a waste because I was able to snag some really cool finds! My only comment about this fair that even with the wide array of choices and slightly “organized” sectioning, it was still hard to find some really good books because of the backlog. I understand that it was also partly the customers’ fault, but it would be so much better if all sections were contained separately, and not totally messy so that more shoppers can get the books that they want.

Here’s to hoping that they come back again next year, because I am definitely going back!

To my Filipino readers, were you able to go to the Big Bad Wolf Book Sale? Tell me your experiences in the comments section!

My Big Bad Wolf Books PH Experience Last February 21, as soon as my exams were over, I headed to World Trade Center in Manila to go to the Big Bad Wolf Books Sale!

#bigbadwolfbooksph #book fair #book haul #personal

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plantdaddyddadtnalp · 5 years ago

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Everything makes me feel very melancholic. Every time something cute happens between friends or a couple enjoys a quiet moment I absolutely love it, but there’s a little voice in the back of my head that says I’ll never have, and have never had anything like that, that I’ll never enjoy even a pale imitation of that.

And it’s right, I’ve never had a friend close enough to confide anything in. I’ve never told anyone about the crushes I’ve had, no one knows my dreams, I either keep everything close to my chest or overshare that tiniest, most inane little tidbits because I just want to have something small between us and hope something will stick. In the last four years I’ve made as many friends and haven’t seen them in nearly a year, and the three friends from my child hood that I have actually seen this year I’ve seen two of them once, and one of them twice. It’s been like this for five years now and while I love my solitude I’ve been growing lonelier every day.

And to top it off I love the field I got my degree in on an intellectual or hobby-based level but the sheer backbreaking work that is required to be anything more than a minimum wage worker is practically antithetical to me; I have being hot, sweaty, in the sun, I hate it when dirt sticks to my hands and I’ve got an AAS in fucking Horticulture! I love the science and helping people find the plants they’re looking for but I’ve always hated being stuck in the sun and the fundamental basis of my degree fucking requires it! (Not to mention it took four years to get a two year degree but I lucked out and got some great professors so whatever)

And to top it all off, I’ve been very attracted to one of my friends for about nine-ish years now. A few years ago I finally made a small attempt to see if we could be more and got nothing. Then I later saw an IG post where she went on about that one friend of hers who she’s know had the hots for her for a few years and god damn he can’t take a hint and it’s kinda creepy and makes her very uncomfortable and though she’s bi she still prefers girls but would never want to date me. And you know what? She hit the nail right on the fucking head. I backed the fuck off, left her alone for eight months, and now I constantly walk on eggshells around my closest friend.

Of course, I consider her to be my closest friend, for her I’m likely fourth or fifth, depending on whether or not she’s made a new friend recently. As always I’m no one’s close friend, just the one who walks in the grass or behind everyone, unless, of course, someone wanted a snack because I was always able to afford it since money is usually spent going places and doing things and I sure as fuck never did any of that. And if friendship cost a few sodas and something from the snack machine a few times a week, then it’s a price worth playing. I certainly wouldn’t want to spend time near me without some sort of compensation.

All I want is a decent house with a head big enough for a large garden, to share with the woman I love and who loves me back. To have a kid or two and invite friends over every now and then. I want to look back on my childhood and smile at the good times I had and the good lessons I learned. And I’d like to be at least an adjunct professor in horticulture or a similar science.

But I can’t stand the work required for my field, I’ll likely never own a home that I purchased of my own accord, I can barely form tenuous bonds with people who aren’t already family, I’ll likely never be able to provide a modicum of the life I would want for a wife, let alone children, time spent with friends are rife with uncomfortable silence, my childhood was lonely and distant with brief moments of fleeting happiness. My short-lived romances were wonderful before they were ended because I can’t read people nor communicate, and to be even an adjunct professor (at least at my community college) would require a level of education I’ll never be able to afford or time and experience in a field where only a few jobs are ones that I would actually look foreword to going to every day.

All I have to look forward to is being a worthless schmuck in a shitty apartment who only lives vicariously though books and maybe saying hello to one of my acquaintances every few days.

I’m going nowhere, and taking my sweet fucking time.

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norman-reedus-gossip-mod · 8 years ago

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Anon: So DK started following HC on IG again lol now everyone is assuming it's because she's with NR and that's why now that's funny what is wrong with people. I wonder how long she will follow her this time until she gets pissed at something HC posts that involves her son and NR

Anon: Regarding Norman saying he was going home; I hate to piss in your beer here (believe me, I truly hope Norman is going home to poor EITD not staying in Germany with miss attention leech) but I seriously doubt that he would just tell a fan "Oh yeah, I going to Germany to see DK. Promise not to tell anyone?" IF he was heading there ... just saying --mod-- Fair point.

Anon: Another mod never posted my ask&I thought it was unfair. People were saying "Norman needs to come clean now" but what if he ALREADY HAS? What if the denial WAS truth/coming clean? They're JUST FRIENDS. All he's done is driven her around in car/on his bike. What did he do to make people assume HE lied here? Everything that's happened came from her. She trolls/follows him in the middle of his Eurotour/calls paps. What if he already did tell the truth?   Anon:  The other blog is saying DK & NR a couple did I miss something? Where do they get these assumptions from just because she hopped on a plane and went to Spain making herself look more pathetic then she already does or is it because she started following HC on IG so all the sudden their a couple or because her and NR liked the same post made by HC this fandom is straight up crazy I sure hope people don't go by my IG posts or likes 😂 

--mod-- If you did then I did. At this point there's only been one official statement and that was a denial from N. everything else is speculation and assumptions    

Anon:  Glad to see NR went back to NY maybe they are just friends after all I guess the waiting game begins. I did see he followed HC again and liked the same pic DK did I guess DK is trying to make it look like her and HC are friends which I find so strange she's such a teenage girl she needs to really grow up but I remember in JJ fandom she would pull the same crap so this is old behavior for her I sure hope NR distances himself from her   

Anon:  Mod I totally respect Norman's right to a private life but w/ all the Dk crap, how can he not see that IF true he's w/ her, SHE is the one bringing all attention to him on purpose? She's the one who trolled his fandom on IG for abt 8 months/liked IG posts abt "hiding" a relationship/turned up in Barc. when he is in the center of twd promo w/ cameras everywhere/alerted paps she was leaving NY &even a pic of her w/ FB (of all ppl) in PARIS. IF true he COULD have privacy but not w/ what she's doing    

Anon:  Just to calm some down for the moment. I'm pretty sure DK is not back in the US. I think she's in Paris, the time she posted on IG was weird for her if she was in America. She never posts this time when there. Also she tagged a woman who lives in France and is her friend. So Norman did not travel to Germany to see her nor did he go back to the US to see her. Not saying they aren't together but not all his moves are for her. Do you still need any whiskey or bum touches, Mod? Willing to share 💁 --mod-- I don't tend to share supplies buuuuut maybe if you flirt with me    Anon: Who wants to take bets on how long it will take NR and DK to be spotted together in NYC? 😉 --mod-- Jokes are fun. 🤣🤣🤣🤣  

Anon: hey mod! I tried to ask in the modblog but it wouldn't let me. So what do you think of the whole clusterfuck now? do you think he would seriously risk his reputation and or fans for a fling-thing with D.K.? Just seems so out of character for him idk. You think him denying it meant something? his pr must be so pissed with how it makes him look. I think i'm the only one who believes him and that they met as friends. Is it okay to ask you what do you think of it all? --mod-- I still do think his denial meant something. Sure you can ask. My personal opinion is that I have no opinion on it because I don't care. I haven't liked her since I saw first hand how she treats people, that has no barring on my fan-ness(it's a word 🤗) for N. I'm pretty good at ignoring things I don't like.

Anon: I think Norman's PR got in touch with HC now to try to smooth things over and keep appearances for anyone watching by having her follow and like DK on IG. Def. Not a coincidence with that Spain fiasco. But what's really going on. I still don't understand any of it. Surely he wouldn't lie with his Reps officially like he did and then be shown to look like a lying sneaking asshole 2 weeks later? Somethins weird --mod-- I doubt his PR people got in touch with HC. That women does her own thing. Only time will tell what's going on

Anon: Let more theories begin HC has started following DK on IG I have to say I do find it strange that if DK & NR are at odds and not getting along that HC would follow maybe she does approve of them and it's only a matter of time now that they do come out as a couple since I think HC approval would be one that NR would want along with his friends so time will tell how this all plays out --mod-- But why would, if they were a couple, need or want her permission.

Anon: Mod can I submit something about the dk mess for the Modblog? I just don't think Norman would make everyone who works for him look Untrustworthy and unreliable if he were lying with the PR statement. It makes it look so shady if he issued a release like that and then he is caught sneaking around with her after. Everything feels so staged right now. They haven't been seen together for a year but now twice in the past 2 weeks paparrazi "catch" them? This feels like Publicity

Anon: You think Norman is gonna come forward and making his and DK's relationship public at Jiimmy Fallon's next Friday? --mod-- Nope not even close.

Anon: At this point do u think they are fwb, couple or just friend. TBH how u think about Norman and dk 's behavior in Spain. No sugar coat pls. We want Norman happy also we must be honest to our opinion and our moral😢. And do u think they hide again somewhere over the shit rainbow?mod. TBH --mod-- I've always said they are a minimum friends. I don't know since I don't care about it it's hard for me to make an opinion other than meh... but everything I've seen, it doesn't come across as relationship of the bf/gf kind. He's never really had a problem being seen with the women he with. Whatever it is, it's weird and they need to figure it out.

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norman-reedus-gossip · 8 years ago

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bulk

--mod--

You know how it goes

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Anon:  Am i the only one that actually dont believe that they are dating? There is none proof that they are dating or in a relationship , in fact i think Diane is behind this , im sure there have been " ilove you" text around those 2. And dont you think she will be seen at all the events he went in 2016? Steve's wedding , the concerts , and traveling with him (ofcourse except the Paris thing) . Like Mod said and what i also believe , they prob just friends with benefits 😉 

 Anon:  Sorry to bother you but is NR and DK "dating thing" official or not? This situation is such a mess that I can't understand anything 😂😂😂 --mod-- Right now it's still just rumor and speculation

   Anon:  OMG MOD! So it was all about publicity wasn't it??? She did that to get her name out there for Oscar weekend. I feel so much better now. They can't state a denial and then be caught again or it would look HELLA bad  Anon:  i think that i'm just sad because he isn't single anymore ahahahah is that bad? --mod-- Not at all  

Anon:  I don't understand how they could be together. She embodies everything he hates (glitz glamour hollywood) She also screws with his fans worse than CS. Are they really going to go walking around holding hands like she did with JJ? He doesn't do that shit. And what about attending award shows? Are we gonna have to see her stupid face every time he goes somewhere? I think I quit. If he's with HER, he's exactly the person he said he wasn't. I so hope it's not true

.    Anon:  Holy Heck, at this point I don't think a denial would even do much. Consider that when that old EK story broke in TMZ and People he denied it by then, but there are still fans who believe they were (or are!) together even though she hasn't been in GA in two yes and has a long term bf. On NR's newest post are some comments to "pls clear up the DK rumor and admit you're still with EK". Like...what? More ppl follow tabloid gossip than follow NR's IG I guess.

  Anon:  Do you think Norman even knows or cares about disappointed and sad maybe even disgusted fans? Seems like the majority of them don't care when you read through the comments on his ig picture. i kinda wish he'd get more backlash. -- mod-- He is filming right now and being down or whatever doesn't make for a good show

  Anon:  I think as fans we put Norman on a pedestal and expect more from him than a non celebrity. Yes he spoke of his dislike of cheating but no one likes to be cheated on. If the rumors are true he was on the other side of the fence this time and might have felt different. But he ain't no saint! He's just a dude. I'm not condoning his actions either way and DK has a history of being vile, but that doesn't seem to matter until it does. If ur taking this personally, take a breather. Its not gonna last

.   Anon:  nurseyanon: I don't care/never have about Norm and DK. It's not like we're engaged or anything...I do have a date every Sunday night (when I'm not working and saving lives that is!) to watch him and my beloved Crazy Rick kick ass. I don't know what Norm is like in real life, I DO NOT plan to attend a con or a cruise to meet him, I certainly am not going out of my way. I confess an attraction to Negan, or JDM, or sorta kinda both???

    Anon:  With all the kindness and consideration he's shown over the years he deserves better fans than this. Choosing between the actor who's Skyped with dying kids or people being cruel on the internet I'm going to stick with NR being the person I continue to prefer. No one is speaking for me when they say he's let fans down or owes us explanations. I'm not upset whether its true or not and he owes me exactly nothing. I'm ashamed by some of the behavior I'm seeing directed at him.

  Anon:  That Norman or his reps didn't come out as of yet tells EVERYTHING. He denied the Emily rumors years back immediately. The rumors with DK are going on since almost a year now and he still didn't say anything. Disgusting, gross and ridiculous! Makes him look like he's got no balls and is such a wimp if he can't even admit it. I hope he gets backlash, I get why fans are hella disgusted and disappointed in him. Seems like he's definitely not the man he claims to be. And that is disappointing.

 Anon:  Honestly: that neither Norman nor his reps said anything or denied the DK thing yet says it all. He denied the EK rumors within 2 hours and even made fun of it. He went all silent now and doesn't say anything at all. Actions are sometimes more proof than words. They are dating if you want to admit it or not. I for me lost all my respect for the man and it's not about being jealous. It's because he claimed to love honesty yet he looks like a big liar and fool.   

Always-hopeful: Mod I know I'm late to the party but I just woke up, checked the news, and I have to say I'm stoked that it looks like Norman might be finding love again! And who really knows what he and DK are like, they might be very good for one another, who knows! And as for people who are upset because he "lied?" How'd he do that exactly? I'd want to tell those people to not judge unless they've walked a mile in his (or her) shoes. That's all I want for him (and told him so at WS ATL), peace & happiness.

  Anon:  My God.I don't know what the hell to think.I have always adored Norman and the way he brings Daryl to life.He seems to be such a captivating,interesting person.I want to be on his side still,but the rumours leave a bad taste in my mouth,I can't help.There is so much confusion,nothing fits together.For all we know he could have simply driven her home because she had all these bags.But the rumours just won't die. And he should be smart enough by now to avoid her.Why does he allow her to do this?

--mod--why do any of us keep the company we do. It's all rumors at this point so maybe wait and see what happens in the coming days and weeks.    

Anon:  Also notice how Norman stopped liking DK's pics on IG. Probably because he was with her all the time. He also didn't go back to NYC THAT often before in between filming last year. He did it to see her, come on. It grosses the hell out of me to just think about it. He's such a good actor, making himself look like he's an honest man yet he's the opposite.   

Anon:  Hey Mod, I just saw all the talk, is it true or just another rumor? How come these pics always come out right when there's something she's doing that she wants attention for? --mod-- Right now just rumors. No ideas why they dropped on Friday when they were taken days before.   

Anon: Do you know if Norman is currently getting a lot of hate for the shit he did or not? I don't follow Norman blogs on Twitter or Tumblr/IG so I don't see anything. Would like to know if people are more disgusted or happy for him. I can't believe one could be happy with what he did, lying and probably cheating like how can one support his behavior? Nothing to be proud of. So anyone knows what the majority of his fans think? --mod-- He's getting both. I think he's fans are divided into like 3 groups those that hate it, those that approve and those that don't care.   

Anon:  Nothing makes sense Mod. If this was supposed to be him coming out w/ her, (since the pics were obvs set up), then why didn't he do it on Valentine's Day instead of leaving a day early /ignoring it? &why did he go out w/ Jarah to bury the rumor if he was still gonna come out w/ DK a month later? If it's true it looks SO much worse now b/c he went out of his way to hide it again even after ppl were talking about Paris. So it looks like he lied twice. Either it's not true or he's REALLY stupid. 

--mod--

No those were pap shots. Those aren't they type of shots you get for "coming out"

.    Anon:  One question: were the pictures taken in Norman's NYC garage or upstate. If it was upstate she might've helped him with stuff since he's going to move there. I don't believe it myself but it could be just helping a friend. If it was in his NYC garage it's kinda weird. They unloaded a whole lot of stuff, even cartons. Looks even a bit as if it might be her stuff and she moved to his appartment? Can someone help me out, I'm lost. Because to me it doesn't look like just stuff from a shopping trip? -- mod-- It was taken somewhere in NYC, so not upstate. His place in NYC doesn't have a garage. Side note he's not moving permanently upstate. That home is already set up.

   Anon:  Total speculation but I can't help but think that when NR was with HC over the holidays maybe she warned him about DK's..love of tabloids and to steer clear if they were just friends, fwb or exes? Now, even if she set it up, he was physically in her parking garage just last weekend. Its not like it was a random super old pic her people gave to DM/TMZ. It's new. So as crappy as it is for him to be set up I can't be sympathetic because, how could he not see this coming?   

Anon:  I guess for me I am just really having a hard time understanding why someone would want to keep their relationship so secretive. If they are dating. Unless the cheating rumors are true and they don't want anyone to know. I would think if you love someone you would want everyone to know. The possible cheating is the worst part for me. I guess if the cheating rumors wind up being true then it will make me see him in a different light. I am definitely still a fan of his movies and TV shows. --mod-- Again at this point it's speculation at minimum they are friends. So we just have to wait and see how things go from here    

Anon:  So people are just going to ignore all the good things Norman has done? He's seen with another female and doing things what friends do and now he's the devil. People need to stay the fuck out of his personal life and stop acting like 13 year olds. He isn't some band member. Chill out.   

Anon:  It used to be DK deleted every comment about Norman on her IG posts but now she is only deleting the negative ones. She's keeping the comments that say they make a good couple and all that. I'm taking that as a confirmation to be honest.    Anon:  Is it official that norman and diane are dating or in relation? --mod-- Nope    

Anon:  Do you think it's all true Mod? I was so excited for RIDE now I don't even care. It's like he's not the same as we thought he was.

 --mod-- I don't think it's true. Even if it was it doesn't really bother me.

    Anon:  So I'm annoyed with Norman's "choices" like others and totally see this TMZ "photo scandal" as an attempt by the untalented DK to "stay relevant," the timing / Oscar weekend is so convenient. However, my main gripe is...why does Norman look so greasy and in character 24/7? Others in the ZA have bathed and cut their hair, and in that Georgia heat it might feel better while slaying zombies. His gross factor is turning up. --mod-- Feral Daryl makes the world go BOOM 💥. I have no idea where that come from.

.   Anon:  Did you see what they all unloaded from his car? It looks like it's someone's whole household stuff, bags but also bigger cartons. I wonder if it's her stuff and she moved to Norman's house? That's not just stuff from a usual shopping trip 😷 Or can someone help me out? --mod-- Just stuff from a normal shopping trip. She isn't moving in.

    Anon:  I really don't want to believe NR and DK are a couple based on a couple of pics of them hanging out but it's so weird that NR isn't denying it. We've had these kind of rumours before. It was TMZ who also released the "NR and EK are dating!" story and NR took to social media to deny it AND had his reps deny it too within hours of the story breaking. But this time... nothing? I'm starting to think he can't deny it because it's true.   

Anon:  Even if it turned out to be true , i would be dissappointed in Norman , but do we actually think he is that stupid? To love a hollywood woman thats been acting like a diva? He isnt even like that , she will hate his fans and try even more attention from all the media. I really hope his people says something about this situation because this is going to give him a bad reputation 😖

    Anon:  Some things are objectively clear 1) DK, who has a deal with DM, orchestrated the pap pics *without NR's knowledge or consent*. She arranges weekly pics with DM and this time they just happen to "catch" NR--in her garage? 2) The content of the original articles (DM TMZ) is a lie. She wasnt upstate with him 3) DK was aware the pics, article (and lies therein) were gonna come out, but NR wasn't, it seems. Doesn't seem like something a loving gf or even friend would do. Thoughts?    

Anon:  Tripping across the dark playground 🤐. It seems like she 'confirmed' by liking insta comments about him being good at hiding the relationship. --mod-- New favorite phrase "tripping across the dark playground" I'm stealing it anon    

Anon:  why are people so upset about if norman and diane turns out to be couple? I dont really follow them to much but I cant see the problem.. --mod-- Mostly because of the cheating allegations if they've been together. She was in a long term relationship which ended.  

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animlenet · 5 years ago

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An Overview of Cat Allergies

Allergies to cats are fairly common, affecting up to 25 percent of individuals who even have other sorts of allergies. A cat allergy can cause symptoms like red eyes and sneeze. These allergies are often triggered by direct exposure to cats or by indirect exposure through fabric or air.

You may notice a cat allergy supported the timing of your symptoms. Sometimes, getting medical anti-allergy treatment can help. But avoiding the cat could also be necessary.

Symptoms You can experience symptoms of a cat allergy right once you enter into an area or home where a cat lives.1 Or the consequences can begin after you spend several hours within the area or with the cat.

A cat allergy can produce upper respiratory symptoms or may affect your skin.

Common effects f a cat allergy can include:

Sneezing1 Red, itchy, or watery eyes A runny or stuffy nose Coughing2 Sore throat A rash, redness, or itching Wheezing1 Many people who have asthma can develop asthma triggered by cat exposure.

Complications While it's rare, swelling of the face, throat, or any a part of the body can develop thanks to a cat allergy.1 If you develop swelling or become in need of breath, seek medical attention immediately.

Cat Interactions Cat allergies are more common than dog allergies, but this doesn't have anything to try to to with how friendly the cat or the person is.3

Cat allergies aren't related to what proportion you wish a cat or what proportion the cat likes you. Getting alongside your cat or a friend's cat may be a completely different issue than having an allergy.

You can develop a psychological aversion to being around a cat if you tend to possess allergic symptoms after your cat encounters.

Causes You don't get to have close contact with a cat to develop allergic symptoms. Some people can have the consequences of a cat allergy after coming into contact with fabric, like a blanket or clothing, that was touched by a cat.3 And you'll even develop symptoms from breathing air in a neighborhood where a cat lives.

Cat allergies are triggered by cat hair, skin, saliva, sweat, urine, blood, and dander.4

Cat dander may be a tiny material shed by cats. The dander is airborne and sticky. the dimensions of the cat dander particles are extremely small and it's inhaled deep into the lungs.

Dander is often present publicly places, even where there are not any cats—because it is often carried on the clothing of individuals who have cats then shed publicly places.3

Cat dander may be a common explanation for allergic asthma, and cat owners who are allergic to cats are more susceptible to the event of asthma symptoms.

Allergens Allergens are harmless substances that trigger an allergy. Several proteins that are produced by cats, including Fel d 1, Fel d 4, and albumin are identified as cat allergens.5 These allergens trigger a rapid immune response mediated by an antibody called IgE. The IgE antibody rapidly activates an inflammatory response that produces the symptoms of a cat allergy.

Cat allergens are produced in large amounts and are very potent. Cat allergens are partially under hormonal control. they're particularly prominent in male non-neutered cats.6

Cats generally aren't bathed, and that they use their saliva to groom and clean themselves. this will spread the allergen if it's present within the cat's saliva.7

Infections Caused by Cats Allergies are a manifestation of the immune system's over-reaction to a non-infectious substance. But you'll also get an infection thanks to cat exposure, like ringworm, or an infection thanks to a cat scratch.8

A parasitic infection caused by Toxoplasma gondii (T. gondii) is spread by cat feces. This parasite is extremely dangerous for pregnant women because it can cause birth defects.9

Infections caused by cats are different than allergies.

An Overview of Toxoplasmosis Diagnosis You may be ready to tell that you simply have a cat allergy that supported the timing of your symptoms. If you begin to cough, sneeze, feel itchy, or develop a rash right after visiting your friend who features a cat, then you would possibly have an allergy to the cat.10

Sometimes it is often difficult to understand that a cat allergy is causing your symptoms, especially if you reside with the cat. While some people are allergic to all or any cats, you would possibly be allergic to a cat albeit you've got not had allergies to other cats within the past—this can make the consequences hard to work out.

You may even have a hidden exposure to cat allergens, like when moving to a replacement home where a cat wont to live.

While it's not common, you'll have an allergy to cat chow or material within the cat's littler box, instead of an allergy to the cat. Keep this in mind once you are observing your reactions and once you get tested.

Medical Evaluation If you've got a rash or persistent upper respiratory symptoms, you ought to see your doctor.11 After a history and physical examination, your doctor may do some diagnostic tests. Blood tests can include an IgE level to ascertain if you've got an allergy.

Skin Prick Test You may be advised to possess a skin prick test. this can involve your doctor placing a little amount of the cat hair or skin on your skin with a needle. you'd then be observed for about half an hour to ascertain if you develop a reaction.1

Treatment For people with a cat allergy, avoidance of cats is the mainstay of therapy.12 However, cat owners might not want to spare their pets, despite the symptoms they endure.

Allergy medications may control symptoms, but in many instances, symptoms may persist if the person lives with one or more indoor cats. Allergy shots can also be a treatment option for people that are allergic to their pet cats.

There are some ways to decrease cat allergen exposure for cat owners:

Ensure the cat is neutered6 Bath the cat a minimum of once or twice every week Wipe the cat with a wet cloth or face towel daily Keep the cat far away from the bedroom and therefore the bedroom door Keep the cats far away from air vents to the bedroom10 Have cats stay outside, within the garage, or during a part of the house with an uncarpeted floor Vacuum frequently with a high-efficiency particulate air (HEPA) equipped vacuum Use a HEPA room air filter to be used within the bedroom and/or other parts of the house (it is best to stay the HEPA filter off of the ground to avoid stirring up more dust)13 Follow house dust mite avoidance precautions If the above measures don't help to scale back allergic symptoms, you'll get to remove your pet cats from your home. this is often especially important if you or someone in your home has uncontrolled asthma.

Cat dander will persist for months within the home albeit the cat is gone – therefore it's important to wash thoroughly.14

Steam clean all carpets and upholstered furniture Launder or clean all bedding and curtains Vacuum all hard floors15 Wipe down all hard surfaces and furniture Replace any air conditioning and heater vent filters A Word From Verywell You may be disappointed to get that you simply have a cat allergy. Parting with a beloved cat is often sad. There are some suggestions that hypoallergenic cats could also be available, but this idea has not been proven. Some experts have suggested vaccinating cats tor feeding them a particular diet to scale back allergies in owners. These are new strategies that aren't widely used.

Keep in mind that albeit you're allergic to at least one cat, you would possibly not be allergic to all or any of them. and lots of other pets won't trigger an allergy for you—such as dogs, bunnies, birds, and fish.

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jeremystrele · 5 years ago

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5 Tips For Hiring A Dream Team

Small Business

Fiona Killackey

Team TDF! Back row: founder and editor Lucy Feagins; advertising and sponsorship manager Chelsea Hall; graphic designer and styling assistant Ashley Simonetto; researcher and staff writer Miriam McGarry. Front row: managing editor Elle Murrell; partnerships manager Alice Johnson; news editor Sally Tabart; and art director Annie Portelli. Photo – Amelia Stanwix.

FIONA’S Quick Tips For Great Hires

1. Understand what’s missing

Many small business owners began their business after working in larger / corporate roles. For that reason, there is often a feeling they must hire to a similar structure i.e. a CFO, CMO, COO etc. Instead of following the status quo, small business owners should be setting some time aside to really consider what’s missing from the business in terms of experience, networks, knowledge and skill set. An easy way to do this is to create a Skills Matrix (a template for which you can download here.

Consider all the outputs your business needs now and for the future. List them in column A. Then work through whether or not your business and its current hires have the Skills (column B), Experience (column C) or Interest (column D). Review the gaps and look at what sort of role might encompass most of those things. Remember, just because someone has experience or skills in an area, it does not mean they’re interested in it enough to elevate your business.

2. Who do you already know?

Both Lucy and Paris suggest asking your own networks for referrals and recommendations, as it can uncover gold (see their thoughts below!). In addition to reviewing your personal networks, email contacts and social media, consider downloading your LinkedIn contacts. Many times people change jobs from the time we connect with them on LinkedIn, so it’s worth downloading this twice a year to see who you might know in the role you’re looking to fill,or who might be able to suggest someone for that role.

3. Get social

Gone are the days of posting a job ad on the major players’ websites. Savvy small business owners today are using social media and email marketing to find the best candidates. It makes sense to look for candidates who are already familiar with your business. You may wish to post on IG Stories, showing where they would work and even interviewing other staff they would meet about what it’s like to work in your office/studio. Likewise, sending the job description via your weekly email or newsletter is a great way to raise awareness and potentially encourage strong applications. These channels are free, and should be utilised in the first instance.

4. Embrace the interview process

While many small business owners get nervous themselves when conducting interviews, remember the reasons why you’re doing them. Don’t rush the process and don’t be afraid to hold multiple interviews, particularly for senior roles. At a minimum you should have one meet-and-greet interview to get a feel for the person and explain the role, a second interview where they present an example of their ideas for your business, ie a basic marketing plan, or an example of copywriting… and a third interview to introduce them to other members of staff. As the business owner you may not be the person working alongside them and it’s important to get a sense of how your team feel about the candidate.

5. Start as you mean to go on

Clarity and direction is crucial for someone coming into a business. This means taking the time to consider 30, 60 and 90-day goals for their role. What do they need to achieve? Make this clear. Likewise, set the tone from the beginning for an approachable and pleasant work environment. This may mean leaving a handwritten welcome note or cupcake on their desk on their first day, or simply taking them out for a welcome lunch /breakfast. Small actions like this go a long way to build employee satisfaction.

Fiona Killackey is business consultant, author and mentor for My Daily Business Coach. You can sign up to her weekly email full of small biz insights and tips here and enrol in her brand new Marketing for Your Small Business online course here.

Dreams, goals, and things we’re getting done! Photo – Amelia Stanwix.

Lucy and Elle at TDF’s meeting/lunch party table, made by Gordon Johnson, chairs from Thonet. Photo – Amelia Stanwix.

You may recognise these beautiful shelves from Open House 2017 – thanks Gordy! Photo – Amelia Stanwix.

Paris on set, and no she doesn’t always dress to match the location! Photo – Eve Wilson for The Design Files.

IN PRACTICE: How To Hire Great Staff

Two Melbourne-based small business owners who have successfully been able to hire – and importantly retain – great staff (if we do say so ourselves!) is our own founder, Lucy Feagins and Paris Thomson, founder of SIRAP – who we have had the pleasure of working with multiple times over the past decade. We asked Lucy and Paris for their top tips on finding, and keeping, great staff.

What’s been the process of hiring at your small business? How has this changed since you first began?

LUCY: Initially, when my business was in the early stages, my first few hires came through word of mouth and recommendations from other small business owners within my network. For instance, Lisa Marie Corso, who was my first full-time employee and my right-hand-woman for five years, connected via a mutual friend, and we met for coffee… and a casual job quickly become a full-time hire. It was at a time when my business was so small and so unstructured, I didn’t really know what I needed – I just knew I needed help! Lisa quickly made herself invaluable and was a huge part of the early growth of TDF.

These days, my business is a little bigger and the hiring process more structured. When hiring I advertise on our social media channels, and on LinkedIn.. and sometimes on The Loop. It’s a fine balance – you want to reach the best possible candidate, but you don’t want to cast the net so wide that you’re wading through 100’s of applications.

A big part of ensuring the right people apply, is being really clear in the job description about what the role entails and what you’re looking for.

PARIS: For me, hiring staff is the most challenging aspect of running a business. In our line of work (film production) it’s so important that our team represent the SIRAP brand, and with that comes the eye and the skillset, but also the presentation, the ability to professionally liaise with clients on set and also play well with the rest of the team. When I started the business almost six years ago I had freelanced for a few years before, and the only staff member was myself! I’ve been fortunate to have organically grown the business over the years and through that, hired a team who I’ve had the luxury of working with on a freelance basis before offering them a full-time position. Now, the business has other demands which require a faster approach to recruitment, which means that we don’t often have the ability to have a freelance arrangement with prospective staff before hiring them – it’s a much more structured approach.

After posting the job on creative recruitment sites like The Loop, across our social channels and spreading the news via word of mouth, we request a CV and reel on application. We shortlist and invite successful candidates in for a panel interview with myself and some of the team to ensure we can bounce thoughts and opinions between each other, making notes along the way. We look for presentation, attitude and communication skills. From there successful candidates will be invited to participate in a small practical assignment such as producing a short piece of film content with our team, to get an understanding of how they approach a job, how our personalities play together, and how they work ‘on the tools’. We narrow down to 2-3 candidates, speak to their references and either make a final decision or if we have any questions, have one last meeting or phone conversation together to discuss any other elements around the role, experience or approach.

The offer is then made and the deal is done!

What has been the biggest lesson you have had to learn when it comes to hiring great staff?

PARIS: Make notes straight after the interview, don’t schedule too many interviews back to back in one session, and trust your gut on your first interaction with the candidate – this will be indicative of the first impression that your clients will likely experience with that person, too, and this will reflect your brand.

What advice would you give to small business owners looking to hire (non-virtual) staff for the first time? In your experience, is it better to look for skills match or personality fit?

LUCY: I’ve always been a believer that personality fit is as important as skill set. Because people can be trained and learn a lot on the job, but if someone doesn’t fit in personality-wise, that will always be a challenge.

I would say when hiring for the first time, hone your job description; make sure it really accurately reflects the role and the workplace. Then, advertise the position, give 2-3 weeks for people to apply, and give yourself time to go through every application and respond to people personally.

If it’s a role with specific skills required, consider having shortlisted applicants perform a ‘test’ before the interview stage. If it’s a writing role, I give them a little assignment to see how they respond. You want to have a final shortlist of no more than about 5-6 people for the interview stage.

I interview in a very casual way, it’s more of a chat. A lot of it is intuitive; I just know when I meet them if they have the right ‘vibe’! The main questions I ask myself are: Do I think this person can do the job that’s on offer? And, will they fit in with the team? I realise that sounds a bit wishy-washy, but I would say I’ve been super happy with every single hire I’ve ever made, and I have never had to fire anyone! If anything, often people I hire for casual or part-time roles are so amazing that I end up finding a way to make them full-time!

PARIS: If your first hire is the first person (apart from yourself) joining the business, you will likely work closely with them; personality is important but you need to focus on what skills and value they are bringing to your business too, and how these will help you reach that next milestone.

If hiring for a business that already has an existing team, skills are important but ensuring the person is a team player and that their attitude will work well with the others, is really important. Remember – a candidate’s personality is about working well together, not partying well together!

SIRAP are looking to hire a Senior Videographer/Director. Find out more here.

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