#twa conspiracy guy

[terriblewritingadvice]

rare thin greed jumpscare 💥💥

[fictional-character-fight-poll]

Chtulhu Cult Leader vs. Conspiracy Guy

Propaganda under the cut:

Chtulhu Cult Leader:

they are human-ish they are also a tentacle monster they fought back once and won what else could you want

Conspiracy Guy:

listen ok. he has a weapon. he can probably backstab everyone there. all according to plan, of course!

Reasons as to why one or the other would win are encouraged in the notes. Send in additional propaganda and I'll add it to the post!

[hizznbyte]

hey! just so u know, i (and i'm sure many others) would love to hear about that AU ! but it's alr if u don't wanna share it yet, do what makes u comfortable 👍

Oughh.. ohhh boy. Okay I should probably finally get to answering this ask gahhhh!.!..

Hi you!!! I’m assuming this is about my TWA AU post thing I made and deleted a little bit ago, in which I’d be happy to talk about it! I’m totally fine with sharing that shtuffs if you wanna hear about it, the only reason I’ve been hesitant to do so and putting it off is because my English is super sucky and I can’t articulate or explain my thinking properly so it can get super confusing, especially when we get to the more complicated lore. Plus, I don’t wanna make this post as long as the other one [that was pain in my ass to type and post 😭🙏] but.. I suppose I can take a swing at it! Please do bear with me haha.

So I’m not into TWA as I was before [I do sometimes rewatch videos out of boredom or for writing purposes] but I used to be super hyperfixated on it.. uh??? More than a year ago according to my discord. And I came up with this dumb unnamed AU which I fleshed out but never elaborated on. It’s got some complicated lore which I’ll try to explain to the best of my ability. Also like don’t jump me when I say I forgot most, if not everything from the original TWAEU lore so whatever I’m making up my own story now.

In the story, JP [Ego] finishes writing a chapter of his super awesome amazing BEST STORY EVER! and he’s so proud of himself that he goes to take a well deserved nights rest. And then he gets fucking isekai’d. Of course, it’s the most cliche, generic isekai plot ever, so JP just thinks he’s dreaming. He’s the all-mighty powerful chosen one. He’s self aware and got all the plot armor in the world. He’s got himself a useless familiar who dumps the plot at him. It’s your standard isekai story, save for the harem collecting because JP couldn’t pull to save his life. Anyways, he’s transported to this kingdom or whatever, because there’s always a monarchy in good fantasy right? And for whatever reason, the Knights of Artistic Integrity are the only authority figures despite sucking at their job. LOL.

Anywhos! JP’s goal is to “defeat the evil in the kingdom and restore it to peace so he can return to reality yeah!!” [the evil in question being his inners]. But JP doesn’t really take his quest seriously because why would he. It’s a dumbass dream he thinks until he almost dies and realizes “Wow! This dream sure is wack! It’s almost like this… isn’t a dream. Also what happened to my plot armor?” Or whatever white people say. In any case, he’s saved by the one and only Sir Knight Commander Mcstabbypants! [my beloved]. KC realizes that JP just might be the chosen one the prophecy called for ! So they take him back to Sir Adblock who devises a deal. JP and the knights will work together, he gets rid of the evil and restores peace to the kingdom and they help him return to reality. It’s a fair enough deal so JP agrees.

Things happen but JP and KC need to find Inner Critic. So they track down, arrest, and interrogate the Ancient Conspiracy Guy who claims to know where IC is. He’s a dirty liar and just wants to get out but he does know where to find the Cthulhu Cult Leader who’d probably know where IC is. They could also be a useful asset in defeating evil if they figured out how to get the Cthulhu Cult Leader on their side. This is also a shameless lie btw, but JP and KC don’t think much of it and without many leads they drag Ancient Conspiracy Guy around trying to find em. In reality Conspiracy Guy kinda just wants to get Cthulhu Cultist dude arrested because he’s petty as fuck. Don’t question it.

I’m gonna go ahead and skip that whole saga thing, but JP and co. find Inner Critic. And the guy is all “I’ve heard many things about you J.P. BEAUBIEN. It’s about time you owned up and repaid for the damages you caused.” or.. something like that, and JP goes “I have not a clue what you’re talking about because I just got here, but I’m gonna assume that’s a good thing!”

Anyways they kill Inner Critic. RIP. Everyone celebrates! They got rid of the evil! That is until JP’s familiar FINALLY shows up and goes “Wait, no, you weren’t supposed to kill him. You were just supposed to cleanse him [whatever that means]” which would’ve been nice to know before they killed the guy!! But no they need him alive. Man I sure wish there was a way to bring the dead back to life-

Hey so did I talk about Inner Greed’s giant 3D printer? But before when can address that ginormous elephant in the room, we have to get into the nitty gritty for uh context. This is where the lore kind of gets confusing but stay with me here! [Oh Solid Space… how I’ve longed to finally talk about you...]

So what exactly is Solid Space? In the AU lore, Solid Space is a theoretical concept proposed by this guy named Inner Ambition, that aimed to explain an oddly specific conundrum. If you watched a Terrible Writing Advice video before you’d know that all the art and characters are built up of shapes. Disconnected shapes that is [and yes, I am very aware this is a stylistic thing that makes the graphics simpler but in this AU it’s pretty important]. This design choice still exists in my AU, where all the characters don’t have those parts connecting their limbs so they just appear to be floating but it’s more exaggerated. Namely, their bodies lack a neck and joints in the shoulders, elbows, wrists, hips, knees, and ankles. What remains is an empty space filled up by air. This led to people wondering, how are we [the people in the AU] still able to function normally without these necessary parts? I mean, they can still eat, drink, breathe, and talk without a neck? Their limbs stay in place and can’t really be pushed or pulled around without feeling pain. So how do you explain this? Inner Ambition aimed to figure that out, conducting various experiments, and learned the following:

The empty space between limbs behaved in such a way that IA dubbed it the “Limb Space Paradox”. Essentially, if you try to touch the limb space with a part of your body [say, sticking your finger in the space where your neck should be] it would go through as if there were nothing there. Like there was just air between them. You could cut through that space and not feel a thing. HOWEVER! Any other object, substance, or element that made contact with that space would react as if there were a solid object in between them. If you tried to stick a pencil in between the space where your shoulder would be, it would stop and hit a solid wall. It would NOT pass through. If you poured water down your arm, it would flow downwards the sides of your arm instead of through the empty space. Air would also hit the surface instead of going through the other side.

The fact that these characters can bleed, breathe, feel and be hurt imply the existence of skin, organs, muscles, nerves and veins, bones, and the like within these spaces, yet it cannot be seen or altered. This, ladies and gentlemen, is what Inner Ambition calls “Solid Space”. Solid Space is a confusing idea, implying that parts of their body exist in some form, in a plane beyond their own. Something they cannot properly comprehend. Because of this, Solid Space cannot be artificially recreated [keep that in mind].

Now, why exactly this is and what evolutionary advantage this feature has is unclear, because IA died right before he could figure out the answer.

And it may or may not be JP’s fault.

Uh anyways back to Inner Greed’s printer? Oh yeah! So Greed has the ginormous machine that resembles a kind of 3D Printer. And essentially, he can produce literally anything [and I mean ANYTHING] in large quantities as long as he has the filament. The filament in question is artificially crafted and owned by Greed and Greed only. The cost to create something using Greed’s printer is insanely high, so usually only the rich and elite can afford to even come close to the thing [obviously, this IS Greed we are talking about!] Usually, companies will collaborate with Greed to pump out products in mass amounts where they then sell it off to the public for a lower, yet still expensive price. People mainly prefer to buy products from these companies because of a little bit of Greed propaganda. He assures everyone his printed products are higher quality, better for the environment and health [when that’s entirely false], and the price is totally worth it! Even though you’d have to sell your newborn to even afford housing and shi. Nowadays, a majority of big companies get their stuff from Greed. Awesome. I love capitalism. Also Inner Greed is essentially controls the government and military and.. well pretty much everything which is why the Knights need him GONE. [Random fact? The Chainsaw General Guy -What’s his face- is Greed’s right hand man here, even though he hates working for Greed and just needs to pay off a debt. I dunno]

But like I said, Greed’s machine can print anything and everything. That includes printing people, cloning the powerful, nd’ reviving the dead. Hell yeah! 3D printing necromancy babeyy!!

The only issue with this system is the fact that it’s virtually impossible to do any of this as a layperson. The process is not only INCREDIBLY difficult [you yourself need to provide the resources/materials for filament] and time consuming, it’s extortionate!! Obviously it’s gonna be expensive, this is Greed after all, but even the most wealthy elites [aside from Greed’s inner circle] are hesitant to pay the price and only really do it when they get extremely desperate. Just imagine your average millionaire’s yearly income I guess. Anywho, if you were somehow able to afford and pay for this service, the steps required are just as troublesome. First, you’d need the body of the subject you’d want to print, and it needs to be preserved perfectly. That is to say, if the body of a dead person sustained any injury [internal or external] they’d need to be fixed before bringing them to Greed or he’ll just print them out as is, and there’s no going back or fixing it afterwards. And trust me, the medical bills are just as bad. So if you broke your leg before you die you gotta get that thing back in place or else you’ll just come back with a permanent broken leg. This also just makes it hard for those whose bodies are missing to be revived, those like Inner Ambition- I’m getting ahead of myself. Anyways, after receiving and scanning the body, you’d need to provide Greed with a large enough sample of preserved DNA and tissue to be mixed in with his artificial filament. Oh, remember when I explained Solid Space and said it can’t be artificially recreated? Yeah, well Greed will just replace that space with a clear, resin like substance that mimics the appearance of solid space but really acts more like a glass tube where you can see your insides through. Extremely fragile and painful to live with. And after all that you’d the wait a month, give or take? Depends on how nice Greed was feeling that moment.

All that time and effort… and only to have the husk [body] of the person you’re printing. You’d need to go to Greed AGAIN and have him reprogram a conscience and memories back into the husk to fully complete the process. So yeah. Capitalism win. The only exception to this would be Greed’s inner circle of people which he has their bodies already archived for quick and easy printing. The inner circle in question being made up of mostly rich political figures who JP is also tasked with getting rid of.

Not too sure if any of this makes sense or is that relevant to the story that I had to flesh it out like that. I stopped working on the AU immediately after my hyperfixation died off.

But basically JP doesn’t wanna have to go through that process because that’s annoying as hell, plus Greed also seems to hate him and the Inner Critic so he wouldn’t dare revive that guy. Makes JP’s mission a lot more complicated. But I guess that’s his fault-

So now JP’s real goal has become more of a “figure out what you did to turn the world to ruin and repay for the damages and crimes while also restoring order to the kingdom” or something like that. Because JP isn’t really the hero the story initially sets him out to be. All this while trying to return back to reality… yeah this is gonna be a long mission. Existential crises, battles n betrayals, Y’know the like.

And that’s… as much as I wrote before effectively forgetting about it and never continuing the story from there. And man in retrospect this is an absolutely insane AU that I could probably rewrite and improve but hey, this dumbass post is long enough as is. So many tangents and ramblings…sorry I don’t know how to conclude this chaotic mess of a post. I am exhausted. I’m glad I finally finished writing this so I can post it and stop thinking about it LOL 😭🙏 If anyone cares, I don’t have any official designs for this AU so feel free to come up with your own interpretations.

Anywhos, thank you for the ask and I hope this wasn’t too awful of a read [that is, if anyone actually read all of this. Sorry XD] Much love to you all.

[twisting-roads]

Summary of all the iterators in LOTG to-date

Chain Of Missing Links [she/her] Built for the purpose of archiving history, her can is rather large. She is very formal and friendly, though has an obsessive nature and very easily holds grudges. Her puppet is intended to be somewhat of a mascot of learning. She probably knows where you live.

Cage Of Membrane [she/her] Built for mass producing purposed organisms. Her common need to be involved in private operations lead to many memory wipes, which messed with some of her functions, especially her speech patterns. I twas not much of a concern, though. She is somewhat naive and optimistic, loving to talk to others. It is very hard to get on her bad side.

Sixteenth Boundary Collapse [it/they] An iterator with much cultural significance, it was revered. It is one of the first few iterators too, with its puppet having degraded and most of the organic parts missing or rotted. It is wise, and many seek out their opinion, but they say very little.

Thirteen Catastrophes [she/he] An upstanding iterator, not created for any specific reason. She follows the words of the ancients very closely, even throwing out his own opinions for the sake of his creator's. His tendency to do things that go against what she wants leads to very complex and estranged relationships with others.

Open Waters [it/its] A very small iterator with a controversial history. Intended to be one in a line of small iterators that could break up the large population of SBC's city, its construction resulted in a cataclysmic failure, and so it ended up as the only one of its kind.

Oblivion On Quartz Towers [she/her] A skeptical iterator, built for more pragmatic purposes. She finds it hard to believe anyone, sticking by herself and a few select other iterators. Despite this, she tends to joke around a lot more, usually comes out as passive aggressiveness though.

Nine Purple Mountains [they/them] An iterator with a constant need to gossip and discuss conspiracies. They seem to just make things up for attention and to argue with someone.

Three Tungsten Coins [it/its] A reserved and shy iterator who's always focused on something, really only comes to chat about issues it ran into and how to solve them.

Timing In A Splay [any] Built to research specific mass ascension methods. A very eccentric and talkative iterator.

Quintet Of Remembrance [any] Built very close to TIAS for similar purposes. Very uptight and strict, never one for public groups, however.

Horizon Of Sulfur [he/him] An iterator who's appearance in any group chat seems to be a bad omen of sorts. He is entirely under the control of his creators, standard contact with him is nearly impossible.

Painted Whispers [he/him] this is the second tally hall reference I don't really have anything for this guy I just heard this and was likje "hahahaha that would be really funny if I put this guy's name somewhere"

[vischys]

"...But why would you guys want to retrieve their formula? Bringing it back? They're going to make more especially the amount of HYDE pills they make for their followers."

Pills?

𝑨 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒍𝒊𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒅 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒂𝒔𝒉𝒆𝒏-𝒉𝒂𝒊𝒓 𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒑𝒍𝒚 to the crimson-clad teen as the disclosure confounded his mind enough to permit his muscles such an instinctive reaction. The dim lighting fell upon the cambion's countenance, revealing a prominent frown that implicated to Navarro that he had no awareness of the pills whatsoever prior to this revelation.

His gaze fell then as his mind examine the facts he was briefed with and those Navarro disclosed. No, their so-called liaison made no reference nor mention to any HYDE pills, only a formula perceived as a threat hence must be recovered. It had become apparent by this point, that their client, represented by the liaison that Vergil himself had never encountered, – given the nature of his brother's agency – either deliberately omitted details or falsified them.

It was then his wariness toward the horror-hailed fraction were momentarily palliated as raised his gaze again to meet Navarro's and relay the newfound suspicion his mind had arrived to:

Whoever tugging this liaison's strings, might they seek to seize the HYDE formula from the Lovely Horrors and utilize it for their own gain in lieu of vitiating it?

For the first time since his arrival hither, the Darkslayer felt a pang of concern over his twin brother's province. Something that his mind would immediately cast away in favor of logic that was a son of Sparda who had not only sealed the Emperor of Hell but more importantly was also his own equal in strength, was beyond the equation of any fractions, Horrors and conspiracy notwithstanding.

But 'twas not everything, for candor was in the bomber's disposition as Navarro proceeded to describe the dealings and nature of their shared mark to such an insightful detail and Vergil did not hesitate to avail himself of it.

As it turned out, Ink's fraction was not the only one who had a matter to settle with their horror-rific counterpart. As the green-eyed youth enumerated the names of the rest of the youth fractions that Vergil heard firsthand from Ink prior, he was quick to note that no, unlike his initial apprehension, the feud between the two fractions did not begin with their respective leaders' confrontation and subsequent brush with death, but rather with something out of pure altruism: saving one of their own, Jaron. To think not only that he was nearly deprived of the existence of the youth whom he had unofficially hailed as culinary rival elicited a twinge of dismay in his chest, though none of it was ever hinted upon his steadily hardening frown.

"Things happened so fast, it felt like a long damn night. We first fought the low-ranking members of the Lovely Horrors; the Followers. Then they have a second rank; their Commander Beasts."

Those humanoid varmints dressed in white rags must constitute the Followers and that monstrosity dubbing himself Ludwig a Commander Beast of their ranks, he deduced mentally and soon was confirmed as Navarro pushed on.

 "They can be strong and freaking annoying as the feral demons. Because...their followers are humans using pills that have bits of demon blood in them. They are called HYDE pills. The Commander Beasts are humans that mutated into monsters like that horse monster Ink fought. Hence, the HYDE formula. It makes humans who take them tougher and faster than humans. But it can make you aggressive like a wild animal depending on how many pills you take."

At the description as to how exactly the narcotic substance came into being and effect, the frown upon the Sparda's countenance receded a tad as he couldn't but perceive a vein of hilarity from the sudden, borderline comical revelation about a certain reading material of gothic genre, bearing the same title and retailing a serum with similar efficacy to that of HYDE.

“ An aggression quickened by "the first breath of this new life, to be more wicked, tenfold more wicked, sold a slave to my original evil and the thought" ? ” He quoted a line from said reading material in a wry cadence. “ How appositely prosaic from a fraction entitling themselves as a fetching ilk of horror. ”

"But...they're nothing compared to the third rank; The Horrors. Those on the top are the real members. We only saw two. Jason is one and so is Shrika."

Shrika. ​That name, uttered a few times by one of the Followers, and now by Navarro. Undoubtedly she is the Horror whose machinations are currently transpiring. Or one of the so-called Horrors, at the very least.

"​.... We were spread out trying to find Taz and those who were kidnapped. Then along the way, I heard on the radio from Rust that Ink is fighting Killer Night aka Matt."

​Matt.

Shrika was undoubtedly here, yes, but could the same manner of presence apply to her notorious leader? And if he did, was his dealing solely for their fraction's foray into the city, or....

His lips tightened into a straight at the dismaying possibility that leader of the Horrors was here spefically for the leader of the Demon Blood Tears, and the qualm of conspiracy was pushed aside for the nonce in favor of a more personal lookout.

​“ ​T​he Killer Night, ”​  he intoned the highest ranking Horrors' title for the first time ever since he had heard of it, first by Ink and now by Navarro, steadily with a degree of cynicism, like a warrior sizing its new contender. The memory of Ink's empty expression flashed in his mind once more. Was it due to a trauma from the murderous Horror inflicted upon her or to a distress triggered by her comrades' incarceration? He sincerely hoped it was more of the latter.

​The dreadful rumination invoked a moment of silence before culminating in a single, grave query:  “​ How did Ink fare in that confrontation with him? ​”

“The Lovely Horrors.”

A visible frown marred the cambion’s countenance upon hearing his very suspicion confirmed in such a stern conviction, that was Ink and her fraction being here for the very terrorist group that was supposedly to be his mark, thusly further substantiating his unspoken wonder that Ink was indeed involved with the malefic fraction beyond professional capacity.

Keep reading

[ssa-baby-outlaw]

9-1-1 S4 EP7

• Oh I hope nothing bad happens to the rock chick band they are me and we are one

• Oh damn it's another plague

• Dont tell me it's going to be another warning against weed

• Do not make me watch this awkward date with buck

• Hens mother!

• Albert is so cute "fork please🙂"

• "We have to move" he's so fucking dramatic...but also...just move in with eddie

• Michael spying on everyone is such a quarantine vibe

• IS THIS THE TURKEY!?

• michael honey it's getting a little creepy now

• Just another thing the military fucks up

• The title of this episode has to be something about neighbor's right?

• I'm too invested in Michael's neighbor's

• Athena sent bobby to Michael's!!!!! I love their friendship so much

• Everyone wants to look through Michael's telescope

• Bobby and Michael conspiracy theorists are my favourite duo

• BOBBY HAS BINOCULARS TOO NOW I'm dead I'm absolutely dead

• "Its just too much trash!"

• Whoever came up with this idea I fucking love them, they've roped Michaels boyfriend into it now

• "Michael did help me break into a bank vault once"

• Oh fuck michael just broke into his home

• It feels like that guy isnt actually going to be doing dodgy stuff

• Oh shit I was very wrong he is very dodgy

• "Why did I have to fall in love with a brain surgeon" adorable and relatable

• I'm gonna need more of an explanation of what that man was doing because I dont understand at the moment

• Hens mum moving in! I like it right now but I feel like itll go badly at some point

• Albert coming out of Veronica's shower will never not be iconic

• Ah, twas called 'there goes the neighbourhood' I can safely say that was probably the most enjoyable episode yet

[mokkemusic]

Did you hear the rumor about the naughty Mokke that got turned into cookies?

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! I offer you a crack fic with hints of fluff. PEASE this is just in good fun and I debated about posting this so please just take this with a big grain of salt! This was meant for some Christmas surprises but I decided to share it here as well cause we can all use a laugh. 

SPECIAL THANKS to @thehopeelias​ who not only did this precious art! But helped me over many nervous breakdowns with my Christmas surprises for special people on here! I didn’t participate in secret santa however I am so so happy I got to celebrate it with everyone I love so so much! MERRY CHRISTMAS! Heres a sweet treat. 

Warning: This contains some violence to Santa and Stealing from needy children (Mokke cannot be trusted). Read with caution :P lol 

_____________________________________________________________________

“Did you hear the rumor about the naughty Mokke that got turned into cookies?”

‘‘Twas the night before Christmas and at Santa’s workshop four little Mokke decided to take it upon themselves to change the naughty list. So they decided to work together and go to the North Pole to right this wrong. They had one very special wish they needed Santa to fulfill for them. But every year Santa never showed and their wishes never came true. 

“I want be one of the Seven Mysteries!” 

“Please Santa we’ll be good leaders!” 

“We’ll only make all the humans work in the candy garden 5 times a day!” 

“And we’ll promise to feed them!” 

“PLEASE SANTA!” 

Unfortunately when the Mokke spoke up on murder and conspiracy, not to mention servitude, Santa did not think this was a conducive idea. He banished all Mokke from ever being on the nice list again. 

Poor little Mokke. Should we take it at heart that they have good intentions?

The Mokke couldn’t tolerate this any longer and planned a journey to Santa’s workshop. With the help of their favorite candy givers, The Broadcast Club, they were able to use one of the Boundaries to open a door to the North Pole. 

It was as cold as ice and the journey was treacherous. The only nourishment in their stomachs was a lollipop consumed 5 hours ago. They would have stopped to nibble on the candy cane path that led the way but Christmas was only a few hours away and they were racing against the clock. 

“I’m cold.” 

“Shut up.” 

“We can steal all the mittens when we take over the world!” 

Finally, after what seemed like centuries, there was a beacon of light!

A warmth in their bellies! 

A shimmer to the their little beady eyes!

They arrived at Santa’s Workshop! 

“We made it!”

“Yay! Let’s kill Santa!” 

Unfortunately, having the attention span of a flea, their kleptomaniac selves could not resist the temptation of stealing, at Santa’s workshop nonetheless. They ran straight for the Toys For Tots bin. They pummeled the fluff out of the dolls and bears, extracted the batteries from all the electronics, and even took scissors to the gift cards. It was all just they believed. Little kids all over the world would loose their faith in Santa, and all the toys and wishes would be theirs! 

But their commotion filled antics were not silent and as they played and wreaked havoc, a team of elves were ready and waiting with support units to catch the intruders. Their radios emitted static panic throughout the workshop. 

“Peppermint this is sugar cookie come in please. We got a situation. Yes…I know I didn’t finish the second coat on the rocking horse yet but this is an EMERGENCY! I need you to get Snickerdoodle and meet me on the first floor! Do we have a protocol for this?!” 

The real threat of capture dawned on the Mokke as one of the elves leapt in the air and the Mokke fled for their lives. 

“Their onto us!” 

“SCATTER!” 

And so…the chase was on! 

A slight ping of worry started to ferment in their hearts.

“What do we do if we get caught?” 

“We can always blame Number 7.”

“We’ll say he put us up to this.” 

“He’s got some shady plans anyway. They’ll have to believe us.” 

They hid behind all the display sleighs. They weaved though all the doors and ran up and down all the staircases and escalators until they suddenly found themselves in a room that was filed with candies and chocolates glowing and gleaming in brilliant magenta like the star topper of a Magnificent Christmas tree. 

All thoughts of destruction and of stealth at escaping the clutches of elves were replaced only by thoughts of ravenous hunger and sheer happiness at the fortune they found. Their tummies rumbled and drool dribbled from their invisible mouths. 

Not a single brain cell in sight as they cannon balled into a sea of confection heaven, oblivious to the sign that screamed in bright bold letters 

ELF EXPERIMENTATION KITCHEN 

        TESTING IN PROGRESS 

           DO NOT CONSUME

They munched munched munched away until they said…

“I can’t move.”

“I don’t feel so good.” 

“I can’t feel my ears.”

At that very moment the elves caught up, hands on their knees gasping for breath; too many hours making toys doesn’t leave a lot of time for cardio. They looked over the trays of candies and amidst the sweetness lay four pink sugar cookies that looked really familiar. 

The elves gazed in amazement as they realized what just happened. 

“Snickerdoodle come here please…I can’t move I’m still on the floor. Get Dr. Gum Drop and tell him the current candy project needs to be terminated immediately.” 

The elf picked up the once Mokke, now a pillar of sugar and flour and Red Dye #40, and turned to his fellow brethren and said…

“Anyone got a glass of milk?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“…And that’s the story of how the naughty Mokke got turned into cookies.”

“You’re lying!” 

“That never happened!”

The Mokke huffed in protest as their Christmas tale turned to horror.

Hanako sat on the window sill as the Mokke jumped on his hat and arms. 

“Oh really? You think I’m lying? Then why do I have…THIS?!” He put the cookie to his lips biting off the Santa hat covered ear.“You guys aren’t as good as donuts but you’ll do.” 

The Mokke’s eyes went wide with terror and they fled from the girls’ bathroom as Hanako let out a grinch like chuckle. 

“Hanako Kun!” Nene Yashiro called to him skipping into the bathroom with bells and all the Christmas spirit. “Did you get the Mokke cookies I made?”

He held up the cookie with a now amputated ear as he gazed at the floor. A blush as red as Rudolph’s nose flooded his cheeks. “They were delicious Yashiro. Thank you for this.”

“I made you some Hakujoudai too.” She giggled. “I am just glad you like em.”

He stood up. Held his hat in his hands and hugged her, flush to his chest. “I love them.”

[fly-pow-bye]

DuckTales 2017 - “How Santa Stole Christmas!”

Story by: Francisco Angones, Madison Bateman, Colleen Evanson, Christian Magalhaes, Bob Snow

Written by: Colleen Evanson

Storyboard by: Sam King, Kathryn Marusik, Stephan Park

Directed by: Jason Zurek

The Last Christmas...episode of DuckTales 2017.

Twas the night before Christmas, and all throughout the night, The kids are reminded of Scrooge and Santa's fight. Previous episodes have brought up Scrooge's Santa furore And this is the episode where we get the whole story.

The episode starts with Della, tucking her children into bed, Feeding them stories to put in their head. It's not the usual story, as her children moan, but reasons for that old elf to not be allowed in their home.

But outside of Webby, the kids aren't Santa-haters Even if he's known by the McDucks for being among traitors They hear thumps on the roof, and the kids will go to the Manor's ceiling, where they see a shadow

As the figure shows himself, their childlike wonder was not blessed...

...as it was someone else whose name starts with S.

Scrooge was preparing his defenses against any reindeer, and ensuring on Christmas, no Claus will be near. He ensures the kids they don't need him, as he is rich. See, he's able to give them all hats that itch.

It's practical, he says, though the kids think it's lame As they wanted a trampoline, a cell phone, and a video game. Before Scrooge can explain, he hears the doorbell. Carolers, Scrooge assumes, and the lies that they tell.

He opens the door, Webby readying weapons she possessed and it turned out to be our jolly old guest. Scrooge grits his teeth, and the children shout with glee...

...and then Santa falls down, nearly crushing Dewey.

It's here that I realize this rhyming is annoying you, and that's okay, because I'm getting tired of it, too. I can really only do this for a short review-ey, So the rest of this are normal paragraphs, ah phooey.

So Santa falls down and breaks his leg, and even Scrooge, with his pretty low opinion on Santa Claus, is concerned for his well being. He even has to motion to Webby to put down her grappling hook that she was apparently was preparing to put into Santa's chest. She then slowly brings out a sword. It's a joke on the same level as that spork one from a previous episode; it's a classic Webby moment.

After hearing that Frank Sinatra-esque Christmas-themed opening from the last Christmas episode, now with 100% more Della, Santa wakes up near the chimney fire. I like the detail that it's barred up to prevent Santa's usual Christmas travel, though as I was told as a kid who lived in a house that didn't have a chimney and this episode proves, he can use a door just fine. In this universe, he's real, and he proves this by giving Huey, Dewey, and Louie their video game, trampoline, and cell phone, respectively. He tries to do the same with Webby, but she pretends to like her hat better. Got to look good for the man she idolizes, after all.

That man, Scrooge, decides to reveal exactly what Santa did to get his ire: he stole something from him. All but one of the kids can't believe it, and the one exception couldn't figure out exactly what that something could be. Don't worry, this is not going to become one of those Christmas Carol pastiches, as DuckTales 2017 is a lot more clever than that and didn't feel like competing with that rat that must not be named. Instead, it's more like Santa Claus is Coming To Town, where we get to hear the origin of the holiday that Scrooge says was stolen from him. The title isn't wrong, it really is actually Santa that stole Christmas this time!

Santa doesn't have time for this, as he needs to get Christmas finished before sunrise. It is still Christmas Eve, after all. He asks Scrooge, with his belt so tight, to drive his sleigh tonight, and it takes some begging from Huey, Dewey, and Louie for him to oblige. Well, that, and Santa offers him to never come to the McDuck Manor if he does the deed. That's not the only offer, as Santa decides to tell the kids a story I thought would be the noodle incident of the cartoon.

The story begins with Scrooge during one of his business stints, selling heat-giving coal to the populace of a snow-filled village, with no buyers in one particular cottage. He finds a polar bear with a sleigh singing about bells that jingle, and Scrooge comes over to help him out. Introducing himself as Santa Claus, Scrooge finds out that he does have similar goals, though Santa prefers to warm people's hearts with toys rather than coal. Santa tries that same cottage, offering a gift for free, and they happily let him in, and he was so kind that they even allow him to bring that guest that was yelling at them to buy his coal.

The big guy ends up being the life of the party at the cottage with his new hit song, filled with people of short stature with colorful costumes, until the fire burns out. Scrooge's coal ends up saving the party, though Santa had to use his own way of selling it by just grabbing it right out of his bag and throwing it in the fireplace. This warms the hearts and the house of the cottage dwellers, though Scrooge could tell it's more because he's a friend of that jolly guy than anything else. It's quite clear Scrooge has more reason to start his hatred of that red guy beyond being named after that classic Christmas-time villain.

The hatred doesn't start just yet, though, but he is a little bewildered by an idea that Santa Claus has: not only does he want to bring this heat source to this cottage and the people who were just visiting it, but to everyone in the world in one night! Scrooge knows this is impossible, but Santa feels he knows some way he can do this. This begins a brand new friendship, and this is where Webby is confused.

Webby: Wait, Scrooge doesn't have any friends!

Understandably, Goldie is more of a frenemy, being friends with Launchpad is far too easy to count, and it's debatable if anyone is Gyro's friend, either.

We cut to what's happening in the present, where Scrooge gets on the sleigh with all of the reindeer kids would know. All the kids know Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen. If they think of any other reindeer's name, well, let's let another Christmas special sort that one out:

Olive, the other reindeer: By the way, where's Rudolph?

Comet: There's no Rudolph. It's just one of those urban legends.

Along with Santa and himself, Scrooge decides to only let the one kid who knows Santa is a fraud, Webby, on the sleigh. The kids protest, and Santa implies to them that if they go to bed, they would be on the nice list. They already got their gifts, and if Santa ends up doing his end of the bargain, it wouldn't even matter, but the nephews decide to go back to bed. One could argue that Santa could boop his nose and instantly turn the video game, cell phone, and trampoline into coal, and that one is confusing this episode with another special with siblings that wear the primary colors.

As the reindeer fly into the sky, Webby continues her anti-Santa creed, saying that she wouldn't be wooed by dolls, candles, or crossbows. That last one does end up piquing Webby's interest enough, and Santa does reveal that, yup, that's what she was getting. Scrooge tells Santa it's going to take more than that, and Webby isn't trying too hard to prove that's true. In fact, she actually blurts that she's worried that Santa wouldn't be able to finish Christmas in time, and Santa tells her, and it's all because of another artifact from that legendary Finch journal. No, I'm just kidding, there's no journal in this episode; along with the Halloween episode that also doesn't feature it, this episode was written before anything else in this season.

That artifact is the Feliz Navidiamond, a diamond that can slow down time to the point where the mission to give coal to everyone on Earth is a possibility rather than pure fantasy, and Scrooge happens to have a map that leads right to it. Said map leads to Cascabel Cavern, a cavern known for having creatures of legend defend it, including the Los Renos Voladores. Those who know their Spanish, as Scrooge does, may see where this is going. Santa didn't just have the flying reindeer show up at his doorstop one day, he had to encounter them at the cavern along with his new friend. While Scrooge attempts to use his cane to fend one of them off, he notices that Santa appears to be taming the flying beasts with his jingle bells. Again, the contrast between the charitable and caring Santa and the practical yet uncaring Scrooge shows itself here, along with the contrast between how much they're enjoying this partnership.

Webby says she can figure out why Santa decided to keep them, as reindeer are known for their long horns and good efficiency. Scrooge asks her why she even cares about this, and Webby, once again, tries to say that his fantastic flying reindeer aren't really her thing. For a super-spy in training, she is surprisingly bad at this. Her Santa hatred breaks throughout the episode as she slowly develops from someone who blindly goes with what Scrooge says to realizing that this elf may be a little more than what her idol says he is. I could see parallels with this character arc in this one episode and her development from the sheltered Scrooge fangirl who can't figure out how the real world works of Season 1 to the caring girl with some Scrooge fangirl tendencies she is in Season 3, and that's neat to see. I do think her just blindly believing in Scrooge’s stories in the beginning is a little bit of a negative, though.

While the story is happening, the episode decides it's montage time. To the tune of Scrooge's least favorite song, guess which one, we see Webby and Scrooge give gifts to various people, including Webby taking her time to give both Violet and the still-looking-like-she-did-before-that-one-episode Lena a kiss, though the latter is understandable because, as mentioned before, they wrote these holiday specials first. We also get an extended scene where Scrooge has to wade through all the Beagle Boys in the naughty list to give a gift to Bouncer Beagle, who somehow managed to get on the nice list. I did question at first how time appears to be flowing quite well in these scenes judging by the giftee's reactions, but I could understand that the Feliz Navidiamond only works when they're on the sleigh. After Santa saves Scrooge from the Beagle Boys, he says they're even, referring to something that happened after the taming of the not-Rudolphs.

In the Cascabel Cavern, we get to see the rise of a guardian, who some people might call Jack Frost though they don't call it that. No, not the Jack Frost from those guardians, I say to the people who still remember that movie exists.

No, it's a Jack Frost like the movie with the snowman. I'm sure Santa could sense that Michael Keaton film from nearly a century later, as he tries to calm the roaring snowman with a delightful gift. Hopefully it's Campbell's Soup, and then we'll find out inside that guardian was just a really, really cold little boy that's mother decided to leave out in the cold for way too long. Unfortunately, that too was the wrong Jack Frost, as this one's more like the 1997 one that had 100% less Michael Keaton and 100% more killer snowmen.

We get our big fight scene of the week, as Scrooge rescues Santa by pelting the snowman with his flaming coal, riding a flying reindeer. Which reindeer is it? It's so awesome, nobody really needs to care. With this help, Santa grabs onto the Feliz Navidiamond, slowing down time to the point where it almost seems like time has stopped, and they can just waltz out of the cave with it. In their words, they're running on Christmas time. I should point out that they don't create Christmas, as they refer to it all throughout this flashback, they just create the tradition that happens on Christmas. They don't go further than that, and that's all I will say on that subject. Rule of three dictates that there should be some other monster after this, and...well, let's just say the next enemy Christmas has to face may not be a monster or some animals with abilities beyond regular animals.

As Scrooge leaves to deliver one final Christmas present, telling Webby to keep a present as he's got it, Webby decides to ask one question that's been on her mind: why would Santa do all of this without getting paid? Santa replies that he gets the greatest gift of all, and I jokingly thought this was going to lead to him talking about the Santa Bills that he sends to the children's parents. Of course, that would deter kids from asking for those Disney playsets, so we get a heartwarming speech from Santa about Christmas being about the warmth of the heart one gets from giving gifts. A much better alternative, I'd say, it's a good speech and one fitting for a Christmas special.

There is one major thing in this Christmas origin story that hasn't been brought up yet: how did Santa giving coal to everyone to warm up their homes become only giving coal to the bad children and giving toys to the good children? They really only show the idea of the latter once, with Doofus getting a nasty looking box in his stocking, and even then, it doesn't look like coal.

The next Christmas, Scrooge barges in the door, singing his own version of Jingle Bells involving his favorite practical black rocks, and Santa has a small suggestion to make about Christmas. Instead of just giving out coal, why not bring them a special surprise on Christmas morning: a special gift for free as a promotion for their coal distribution business! Scrooge immediately balks at the idea of giving out handouts. Oh, rich people. This eventually leads to Scrooge getting into a big fight with Santa, and they break up.

This isn't the monster part, as that happens much later in the history of Christmas. In fact, they're remembering it right now, as they find that Santa's sack appears to be still filled with Christmas presents. If those are the presents with all the toys, what did they gave the children? No, not just a practical gift meant to warm people's homes rather than their hearts...

...but a practical gift meant to warm people's homes rather than their hearts and an invoice for it, too! We even fade to Scrooge, making a rather evil grin that feels like it came from another famous Christmas special. He really is a mean one, Mr. Scrooge. Now, being an outright villain may seem a bit out of character for him; he's usually only a villain when he has to play one in a wrestling ring. But, come on, do you expect a guy named Scrooge to be the good guy in a Christmas story, never mind give out handouts? I will say that his evil grin does go against any interpretation that he's doing this for good, as he implies. I mean, he's so much of a Grinch...

...he even has his own Cindy Lou Who named Jennifer, a poor girl in desperate need for anything, including warmth. She even takes this lump of coal he gives her and turns it into a toy. She's that desperate for some warmth in her heart, and no speech from Scrooge about how practical that coal could be to warm her home could change that. It doesn't take a genius to find out if this causes Scrooge's heart to grow three sizes.

To make a long story short, we get another speech from Santa about why he even bothered to have Scrooge help him, and there's even another twist about Santa here that makes this trip just that much more special. The ending is quite clever, too, and it does fit into the family side of the Christmas tradition. Since this is most likely the last DuckTales 2017 Christmas episode, it's a great ending in many ways.

How does it stack up?

I was greatly entertained as this episode arrived, As I humbly give this episode a Scrooge number of five. Now I'll say, to everyone reading this site, Happy holidays to all, and to all a good night.

Well, that's it for now, as DuckTales enters yet another hiatus. In fact, this is the last big review I'll make this year. Have a Slightly Better New Year, because it sure couldn't be worse than this one.

← The Fight For Castle McDuck! 🦆 Beaks in the Shell! →

[terriblewritingadvice]

hi hello good morning! can you do the babygirl pose with Ace (conspiracy guy)? thank you in advance :)

the :)

og post. :]

[sikereviewdotcom]

undercover brother (2002) review

sup been a while but didnt forget about yall and your eager butts to dive head first right in the flooding words coming out of my mouth today gonna rev "undercover brother" (2002), its gonna be solid guys

so we start with an introduction where we talk about how black culture was losing its flavour after the 70s, progress was slowed down n all as we reached 2000 but dont be fooled, its all cause of a buncha events orchastred by "the man"... a big racist mf ig whos also the kkk equivalent of the team rocket boss, sitting in a ig chair, never see his face in the flashbacks or like the bad guy in inspector gadget, more like him ig since we actually see the team R boss face quite often nonetheless, theres a form of mystery folding this whole business... THE MAN acts in the shadows and he hates to see how dark those are, he wants things to be like it used to be back in slavery times good oltime for him but.. not for the fam

ofc then here is introduced THE REAL MAN OF MEN => undercover brother, our hero and damn he has the style of a whole pack of elephants trampling around in pink disco suits every ladies wanna a piece of that sweet fro he is packing up on his head, funky

ngl, the whole way this mov is filmed n edited is sike asf, dope guys especially considerin its actually made in 2002, loving it anyway then were also introduced to the other secondary protags who are from an organisation here to stop The Mans evil doings and careful: undercover bro was actually a solo act until now cause now they gonna collaborate all throughout da mov: its the B.R.O.T.H.E.R.H.O.O.D, with conspiracy brother (tbh a fav here, guys wack like the whole plot guy thinks computer comes from a story involving peanut and idk guys he keeps rambling bout bs which makes him a+ character) smart brother, chief and sister girl (original name/10)

so btw the organization is on a mission rn at the beginning to destroy The Man (lets call him tm for the rest of this rev) financial infrastructure aka funds to stop him better or smthg and it gets spicy as they get caught but ofc undercover bro barges in from nowhere wow big disguise as an old man no one noticed him so like slash bawow boom vlam, bad guys ko and he squeedaddle out of there like twas breeze gg man, he also get fed a nice editing of xrays battle like with a side of kungfu n whatnot, undercover bro knows his stuff

nice sounds effects ah yes btw romantic intrigue with sister girl begins here, its the zinc of the flinch as ub (undercover brother) notices her big wink wink nudge nudge, btw later she is asked to go enlist him in the corps so he can help stop the man with them n shit and he trynna get her in his bed cause thats we this brother is used to, getting laid as soon as he meets a chick, who can resist this dude?

he gots moves, fro, style, skills and also at times he is a pussy but k, not everyones perf sometimes you just simp for a white blond blue eyed woman (spoiler) and crawls on all four looking like a big preppy nerd btw in this review im trynna not spoil the whole plot cause guys, this movie gotta be on yo watch list kay? im not here to ruin this experience in yo life itd be pretty uncool of me so im just gonna state the big lines then its up to you to swoop the tiny ones out of the watch, knot your own breds n stuff

back on the whooper slapping: intro credits roll, we get some nice back story for our hero, making sure we can understand his cause in saving the black peeps from TMs assholery might truth n justice be your guide

so what the big plot then? well yknow how a big antag cant do shit on his own cause hes too busy sticking brooms up his ass in his private quarters? yea well same goes here so there this gay guy who will be twerking later on btw, a scene to behold, rumps to ogle at, so hes a bad guy and gay n gonna do most of the dirty work for TM, whats new? idk what to think of it yknow its a stereotype in movs so ig ok still uncool but ill see it as all in good spirit cause theres bad n good im not excepting this to be the best watch of my life, nah it wasnt either, but i had a good laugh kay? makes up for it cause unlike some here i got no shit up my ass alley its clean scrubbed up n down so i can smoothly take a chillax up n a shit out without a night tormented by constipation, nah its all sliding where it should no pain no sweat

so the big lines is that a war hero whos a black man is gonna become president and wtf no is the only react racist mf could have which is what they have, bad guys gonna stop it from happening at once and the brotherhood aint letting it happens cause obvs something is wrong as every black peeps gonna turn into a stereotype like waddup in this mad world? its all because of the poisonous fried chicken brand TM will get around ty to another poison to make our war hero delusional n so on were also introduced to white evil she-ra later btw, just dropping this in cause undercover brother really wants to make oreos with her n sister girl (his words) ig shes the second love interest, im not too invested in this romantic intrigue it was just necessary not like twas very developped anyway its even more of a bedroom intrigue when it comes the the white blue eyed blond chick, sister girl before hoes yo

whats it in conclusion about this movie? first, the plot: hilarious biznasty worthy a+ bs especially how its turned yknow, the clichés were turned upside down n if not theyre just turned into a big satire of themselves editing + music ? yknow its actually good, and funky asf im digging it, a travel in time nostalgia of times i lived acting is pretty neat its not an ironically good movie cause its hilariously ridiculous in the making way its all about the plot here, plot twists and characters, the whole universe ig like its superior to big mamma sorta plot or maybe im dropping this comparison cause its been a while since i saw big maam, for sure twas under estimated while over brought when this here? it got freshness packed in

the spoiling was light and this is cause this movie got a 69/10 rating jk 8/10 if were gonna be serious, im gonna list wats unwoke n uncool here: 1 gay villain stereot, gotta be honest here its not that big of a deal tme seeing when it was made and how i still laughed yknow idc this much but some could go apeshit over it 2 not enough conspiracy brother content: this is all i ask for 3 had no snacks while watching the movie, too bad id dig a aj or grape soda right about now n then 4 more lines for car wash chicks jk this last one idc about, but car wash representation is lacking once again in american movies, i cant believe how looked over it is, as if they didnt need smore rep in the medias its not an easy job washing car all day long, standin in those ghost buster lookin suit while staring at the hot guys in hot wheelys, whos gonna pay you a drink when youre just an old carwash lady? thought finally a hero would step up in this movie but there it goes thrown out da window, the potential was real until it got blown away sure sister girl was a solid character but give the washers some credits cut them a slack of free time n have a lil date together there on top of a truck to keep it native

nonetheless this is a top rec for anyone who feels like slipping into some conspiracy slippers

tg, out

[cksmart-world]

SMART BOMB

The completely unnecessary news analysis

by Christopher Smart

July 20, 2021

IN UTAH, YOU COMMIT A HATE CRIME WHEN...

1 – In Utah, you commit a hate crime when you smirk at a cop.

2 – It could be a hate crime, in Utah, if you eat fries without fry sauce.

3 – It's a hate crime to teach white kids that discrimination still exists.

4 – In Utah it's a hate crime to say everyone should get vaccinated.

5 – You commit a hate crime if you say flag wavers are dangerous.

6 – In Utah it's a hate crime to put Jack Daniels in your Diet Coke.

7 – It could be a hate crime if you tell Mike Lee to shut the F--- up.

8 – You've committed a hate crime if you turn off your neighbors sprinklers.

9 – It's a hate crime in Utah if you throw red paint on the D.A.'s office.

10 – And it's a hate crime to dress as Capt. Moroni and attack the Capital.

JAN. 6 WAS NOT TREASON THEY SAY BECAUSE...

Just because former President Donald Trump for weeks urged supporters to come to Washington D.C. because the election was stolen, doesn't make it treason. Just because Trump told a crowd of up to 40,000 people to march to the Capitol to stop the election of Joe Biden from being certified, doesn't mean he was attempting a coup. Just because he said, “If you don't fight like hell you won't have a country anymore,” doesn't mean he was pushing the mob to insurrection. Of course not. The Constitution defines treason as one of two distinct, specific acts: “levying war” against the United States or “adhering to its enemies, giving them aid and comfort.” But Carlton F. W. Larson, a treason scholar at U.C. Davis, told New Yorker writer Jeannie Suk Gerson that the attempt to stop certification of the election met the definition. “It’s very clear that would have been seen as ‘levying war'.” But he does not expect the feds to file treason charges against Trump or the mob because there are too many legal complications. However, seditious conspiracy, where two or more people conspire to overthrow, or to destroy by force the Government of the United States, or to levy war against it is a much easier prosecution. Don't hold your breath.

GOV. COX: WE MOSTLY HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE

Our squeaky-clean governor, Spencer Cox, wants to assuage fears that any skullduggery is afoot and there really is nothing to see here. Sure, there are a whole bunch of documents that news reporters want to see about how no-bid inside deals with friends for the Covid response cost Utah taxpayers truckloads of dough. None other than Tribune hefe Paul Huntsman has filed suit against the state, contending Gov. Clean is delaying access to public documents because... well, just because. We already know about one boondoggle when Meds in Motion of Draper got an $800,000 no-bid contract to buy hydroxychloroquine touted by Trump that, of course, is not a treatment for Covid. Other records reveal that personal connections led state officials to let contracts to friends. As Midvale Democrat Andrew Stoddard told The Tribune: “[W]e’re spending taxpayer dollars without any accountability.” Like $18 million worth of gloves, gowns, masks from the vendor Future Stitch. Other no-bid contracts include a $2.75 million deal with mobile developer Twenty to create an app to track people potentially exposed to Covid. Of course, it didn't work. But don't worry because there really isn't anything to see here. And our nice governor isn't hiding a darn thing.

Post script — Well, that was the week that was here at Smart Bomb where we keep of the Apocalypse so you don't have to. It is conflagration season and it's so bad that 30,000 square miles of forest in Siberia has gone up in flames as temperatures in the Arctic have soared to100 degrees. Meanwhile, the Covid Delta variant is raging across the globe, including the U.S. where we are again up to 30,000 infections a day. But a lot of Republicans don't want to get vaccinated because QAnon says it's a plot. Well, let's just forget all about that stuff and have a good time. Nero fiddled while Rome burned and that seemed to have worked out all right. It's been a big week for Utah in the national news. Salt Lake City-based Black Rifle Coffee made The New York Times for it's great success with right-wingers. The Times also focused on the Utah Department of Natural Resources for stocking lakes with an airplane that drops fish by the hundreds from it's underbelly. And last but not least was Nathan Wayne Entrekin who dressed as Capt. Moroni for the Jan. 6 insurrection. OK, Entrekin is actually from Arizona but we can claim him on account Salt Lake City is the Rome of The Church with a really long name. And if that doesn't make you feel religious, what would?

Well Wilson, we're living in some pretty weird times. Maybe you and the guys in the band have a little something to capture its essence and help us through this, whatever it is:

Twas in another lifetime one of toil and blood When blackness was a virtue, the road was full of mud I came in from the wilderness a creature void of form "Come in," she said "I'll give you shelter from the storm"

In a little hilltop village they gambled for my clothes I bargained for salvation and she gave me a lethal dose I offered up my innocence, I got repaid with scorn "Come in," she said "I'll give you shelter from the storm" Well I'm living in a foreign country but I'm bound to cross the line Beauty walks a razor's edge someday I'll make it mine If I could only turn back the clock to when God and her were born "Come in," she said "I'll give you shelter from the storm"

(Shelter From They Storm — Bob Dylan)

[christinegrrl]

#AGilmoreChristmas Day 17

Title: There’s No Place Like Home for the Holidays

Word Count: ~2200

Characters: Jess Mariano, Luke Danes

Prompt: “Jess’ first real Christmas, I just imagine he never really had one growing up?”

Author’s Note: Thank you so much to @alspancakeworld for running this again and for having me back! Make sure you check out all the other wonderful works here!

Disclaimer: I really wanted this to be longer and better, but life kinda got in the way, so I apologize for it not being my best work. Also, this is a little bit on the sappy side and may not be 100% realistic, but what is Christmas for if not to be sappy?

There was a tree, with lights and ornaments and even a star. A star that he’d put on. Jesus, he was growing soft.

He could claim that Luke insisted, that he had no other choice to decorating the tree unless he wanted to hear Luke ranting about ‘family time’ and ‘making new traditions’ and all that crap. He could say that he didn’t care that he finally got a tree, after years of begging followed by years of silently pining for something even resembling a Christmas decoration. He could say he wasn’t excited for tomorrow morning when Luke would make pancakes and he would get to open the present his uncle probably felt obligated to get him and he would finally have a half-decent Christmas if he managed not to completely screw it up.

The truth was this: Jess Mariano had never had a real Christmas, so he was actually excited when his uncle dragged in a rugged tree and insisted they throw tinsel and crap on it, even though he knew the man probably would have prefered to ship him back to Liz’s during the break for even two weeks of peace. Hell, Jess had prepared himself to be told he was better off in New York, Luke had done his best but he was a hopeless case. Even with Luke’s flimsy lie about Liz calling and saying that Jess should experience Stars Hollow at Christmastime, he had never expected the tree or the badly hidden presents with his name on them or that he’d be sitting here, on December 24, watching It’s A Wonderful Life with Luke and thoroughly enjoying himself.

Of course, he had complained the whole time, protesting against Luke’s childish ornaments and proposal that they bake Christmas cookies like he had with his mom as a kid and choice in movies (who the hell wants to watch a movie about a depressed guy trying to kill himself on Christmas Eve?)

(He didn’t want to think about that Christmas when he was nine that he spent in the waiting room of a hospital…)

Luke had just rolled his eyes and explained to him that this was the first time in a long while he was able to spend Christmas with family so he was going to enjoy it. (He tried not to think about  what would happen when Luke inevitably stopped putting up with his crap and negativity and shipped him off.)

“So… that was a good movie, I guess? Kind of depressing, for a Christmas movie.”

Jess softly snorted. Was Luke so out of touch with the rest of the world that he hadn’t seen a fifty-year-old movie? He focused his attention on the book in front of him and the page he had been rereading for the past fifteen minutes - the ending of the movie was worth rewatching, okay?

Luke clapped his hands nervously. “Okay. So. It’s getting late, so you should probably head off to bed.”

“Wouldn’t want to give Santa a reason to put double the amount of coal in my stocking this year, now would we?” For all he knew, the poorly wrapped presents he found in the closet were for someone else - he wanted Luke to know he wasn’t expecting anything under the tree tomorrow. His uncle had already done enough by letting him stay here despite how insufferable he had been; Jess didn’t want him to feel obligated.

“Well maybe if you go to sleep Santa will forgive your sins and leave you something under the tree.

“Didn’t know Christmas came with a confessional.” When they had established this comfortable, almost domestic rapport between them Jess had no idea. He wasn’t complaining, though. It was nice to feel safe enough that he didn’t have to blast music every night to fall asleep. Enjoy it while it lasts.

He shook the thought from his mind and moved past Luke to settle on the air mattress. Anyway, he needed Luke to fall asleep so that he could sneak downstairs and fix the newly broken coffee machine - his gift to Luke considering he only had two days notice that they were actually exchanging gifts and little change given the stack of books he had left outside a certain bookish brunette’s window.

“Hey Jess, I meant to ask you: is there anything specific you want to do tomorrow? A dish you normally eat, or a movie you usually watch, or anything like that? I don’t want you to give up your usual Christmas traditions for all the ones I’m making you do.”

Sometimes Jess couldn’t believe how little Luke knew. A part of him was bitter because his uncle knew what a flake Liz could be and yet he still wasn’t there for him when he was younger, but he recognized that Luke had his own life and had he known how bad it had been, he would have intervened a long time ago.

As for traditions, there were plenty of those, though none he particularly felt like repeating. There was the one from five to ten years old where Liz would promise him a gift - and looking back, he believed she fully intended to follow through had she actually been sober or sane enough to remember - and he would wake up on Christmas morning to nothing but her admonishing him for crying and being a spoiled little brat. There was the one where he would steal himself a book each year, the first one being a beautifully illustrated edition of ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas, but he didn’t think Luke would be willing to bring that one back. There was the one where he would hum Christmas music to himself before he fell asleep, trying to think of warm fires and sleigh rides and snowmen and anything else besides what he could hear going on in the next room with his mother and her latest boyfriend.

Luke didn’t know about any of those. For a moment, Jess contemplated telling him, maybe the time he realized Santa wasn’t real or the time he really did get coal from one of Liz’s hysterical boyfriends or even the Christmas spent in the hospital. But his uncle didn’t need that guilt on his shoulders, not when he was doing his best now.

“Well, you already ruled out the coal, so I guess all my traditions are off the table.” The joke fell flat as Luke’s face fell in understanding. Not trying to ruin the decent mood they were both in, Jess continued: “Really, Luke, whatever you want to do is fine. I already appreciate having two days in a row off from working in the diner, so I don’t need anything else. You don’t have to do anything special for me. We can just have a normal day.”

Luke’s sad face didn’t dissipate. “It’s Christmas, Jess. You deserve special.” With that, he walked into the bathroom, leaving Jess with a stinging sensation in his eyes that he didn’t want to think about.

He pretended to be asleep when Luke came back out, pretended not to feel Luke rubbing his shoulder in comfort, pretended not to hear Luke’s “Goodnight, Jess. Merry Christmas”, pretended not to acknowledge the realization that he actually liked it here in the cramped apartment with the overbearing uncle in a small, crazy town.

After Luke’s snoring had continued for a good ten minutes, Jess crept downstairs to the empty diner and set to work fixing the coffee machine. “God, this thing is like thirty years old,” he muttered. “No wonder everything in this place is always breaking.” He enjoyed the peace that night came with, liked that he could let his guard down and think out loud.

He thought back to Liz. Even though he resented her for sending him to his own personal circle of hell, she always got really bad this time of year, and he had taken it upon himself in recent years to keep her safe. Against his better judgment, he picked up the phone and dialed her last-known telephone number, instantly regretting his decision when an obviously drunk man picked up, evidence of a party in the background.

“What?” the man snapped. You really picked a keeper this time, Liz.

Jess sighed. “Is Liz there?”

“Who’s asking?”

“Just tell her it’s Jess.”

The man grumbled, but after a few minutes of listening to the infinitely fascinating background conversations of the party (“Man, I’m telling you, Christmas is made up so all those religious nuts can justify spending a shit-ton of money on their kids. It’s all a government conspiracy”) Liz came to the phone.

“Jess? Is that you?” she slurred.

“Liz,” he replied curtly.

“Aw, hi baby, how’re ya doin’? I bet you’re real good. See, I told you that you’d be better in Stars Hollow with your uncle. I jus’ needed a little space is all.”

Jess tried to ignore the pang in his heart at the words. This was a terrible idea. “Right. Well. I just wanted to tell you Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, baby, I lo-” She was interrupted by raucous cheering in the background, and then all he heard was the dial tone.

Slamming the phone onto its cradle, he tried to calm his erratic breathing. He thought he had gotten over his mother’s indifference to his feelings, but apparently months of not having to interact with her had weakened his ability to ignore her flippant remarks.

His time in Stars Hollow had made him comfortable - too comfortable - with his surroundings, so he barely registered the footsteps on the stairs, only realizing Luke had probably heard him and was coming downstairs to accuse him of stealing Christmas or some shit like that moments before he appeared from behind the curtain.

“Jess? What are you doing down here? It’s the middle of the night. Are you okay? Did something happen?” His concern was evident as he looked the boy up and down to ensure he wasn’t physically hurt.

Here was a man who had taken him in when he had been a pain in the ass, who had tried to give him a real Christmas, who had bought him presents for Christ’s sake, who was genuinely worried when his nephew wasn’t in his bed in the middle of the night. Jess could have cried.

He didn’t; he still was reluctant to show weakness, knowing that weakness always left you vulnerable and people would take advantage of those vulnerabilities. But he didn’t lie, or respond with scathing sarcasm, or comment on Luke being down in the diner without his baseball cap on, surely the first time that’s ever happened. He was just tired. So he told as much of the truth as he could.

He looked his uncle straight in the eye. “I was fixing the coffee machine.” No snark. No concealment. He even would have spilled about calling Liz were it not one in the morning; he really didn’t feel like dealing with the hundreds of questions Luke would have.

Luke looked around, taking in the toolbox on the counter and the red light blinking on the machine and the boy who looked so young in this moment, no pretenses or facades, just a kid. “Okay. Why?” He tried to keep all hints of accusation out of his tone, hoping his nephew would finally open up to him about something.

He looked down at his feet. “I didn’t buy you a Christmas present. I thought maybe this could be it. I know it’s not a lot but…”

He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder, and looked up to see Luke with shiny eyes and a small smile on his face. “It’s great, kid. Thanks. But you didn’t have to get me anything.”

Jess shrugged. “You didn’t either. But you did.” At Luke’s confused glance, he continued: “I found the wrapped presents in the closet a couple days ago. I didn’t open them or anything, but I saw the gift tags. Thanks.” Thanks for putting up with me and trying to give me a good Christmas memory to look back on.

His uncle seemed to know what he meant by the loaded thanks. “You’re welcome. Now, back to bed, or else you really will get coal in your stocking tomorrow.”

Jess smiled as he climbed the stairs. So this is what family does for Christmas. Not half bad.

The next morning would bring delicious-smelling pancakes and hot chocolate and opening up a stack of books (“Rory helped me pick them”) and credit for Andrew’s bookstore and a new green jacket (“I noticed your yellow one was getting worn out and it gets really cold up here, you won’t survive without a good coat” “It gets just as cold here as it does in New York, Uncle Luke”). But Jess was perfectly content, in this moment, staring at the ceiling and hearing Luke’s soft snores way too early on Christmas Day. I guess this is what home feels like. Huh.

[preciousmetals0]

Aurora-Coke Rumors: All Smoke and No Toke

Aurora-Coke Rumors: All Smoke and No Toke:

Share a Coke With Aurora Cannabis?

Are you well rested from the holiday break?

I hope so, because I have a doozy of a conspiracy theory in the cannabis sector for you today. It involves the most widely held stock on Robinhood and the world’s largest soft drink maker.

Before we get to the speculation, let’s start with the facts.

On Monday, Aurora Cannabis Inc. (NYSE: ACB) announced that Chief Commercial Officer (CCO) Cam Battley was leaving the company. Battley was considered the face of Aurora, so his leaving hit investor sentiment hard.

What’s more, analysts at Jefferies downgraded Aurora to hold from buy on the news. “It is clear to us that the market is lacking conviction in Aurora, and this update will do little to help that,” the ratings firm said in a note to clients.

ACB plunged 8% on Monday as a result.

Now for the speculation. A gentleman by the name of “Gabor the Blind Guy” posted a video to YouTube earlier this week where he tries to open a new childproof lid his father designed for Coca-Cola Co. (NYSE: KO). According to Gabor, this childproof lid is for a new cannabidiol (CBD) drink that Coke is releasing in Canada.

Coke childproof lids? Coke CBD drinks?

There’s nothing in the news about any of this … save for one article over at TheCannabisStock.com.

Anyone else remember the last company Coke was talking with to produce CBD drinks?

That’s right: Aurora Cannabis.

The Takeaway: 

Don’t go looking on YouTube for the video — it’s gone.

In fact, Gabor’s entire YouTube account is gone. So are his Facebook and Twitter accounts. I’m thinking someone accidentally broke a nondisclosure agreement here. Oops.

But this is the digital information age. Nothing is ever truly gone. In fact, you can find a mirror of the video here (while it lasts).

Now, I don’t need to tell you that Aurora could really use a boost … and a deal with Coke would be a major coup for the cannabis company. Aurora just rolled out its Cannabis 2.0 products in Canada, including a long list of edibles, vapes and drinks. A Coke-backed Cannabis 2.0 drink could send ACB to the moon.

What’s more, what if CCO Battley only moved out of Aurora (and into an Aurora subsidiary) to make way for a Coke representative ahead of a CBD drink deal?

The possibilities are tantalizing, aren’t they?

For an expert’s take on the situation, I reached out to Banyan Hill’s resident pot stocks guru, Anthony Planas. Here’s what he had to say:

I saw it on Reddit. I think it’s BS.

Clearly not the take we anticipated, but it’s a stark reminder that any potential tie-up between Aurora and Coke is purely speculation at this point.

Thank you, Anthony, for bringing us all back to earth on this one.

As it turns out, Anthony was right. Just before Great Stuff hit the presses, Coke issued a statement: “As we have stated many times, we have no plans to enter the CBD market.” Bummer.

Remember, the cannabis sector is quite volatile right at the moment. You need an expert to help guide you through the rumors and speculation. To that end, Anthony and Real Wealth Strategist editor Matt Badiali have come up with five pot stocks you “must own” right now … before more states legalize.

Click here to find out more!

Good: Tesla Smokes $420

It was bound to happen … and when it did, CEO Elon Musk was just itching to make a joke.

On Monday, Tesla Inc. (Nasdaq: TSLA) hit $420 per share. The milestone prompted Musk to tweet out: “Whoa … the stock is so high lol.”

All jokes aside, Tesla is smoking right now. The shares are up a whopping 1,600% since their initial public offering, with optimism over the new Chinese Gigafactory driving bullish sentiment right through that burning Walmart roof.

Analysts are even jumping on board, albeit reluctantly. Today, Wedbush analyst Dan Ives lifted his price target on TSLA to $370 from $270, citing strong demand for the Model 3. While Ives gave a nod to “massive short covering” for Tesla’s recent resurgence, he also pointed out “underlying fundamental improvement” at the company. After all, Tesla turned a surprise profit last quarter.

But the short squeeze story can’t be ignored. Tesla shorts have … well … lost their shorts by betting against the company. And there’s more to come. ShortSqueeze.com reports that 27.5 million TSLA shares remain sold short after a 4% decline in the latest reporting period.

Those remaining 27.5 million shares still account for about 20.5% of Tesla’s total float (or shares available for public trading). With TSLA still climbing, how much longer can these remaining bears hold out before they’re forced to buy as well?

Better: Riveting Competition 

When Tesla unveiled its new Cybertruck, the internet had a field day making fun of the “truck’s” odd design features. Not since the Pontiac Aztek have we seen a vehicle so, well … ugly.

With so few true competitors, it looked like energy-conscious truck enthusiasts (yes, they do exist) were stuck driving a truck designed by a six-year-old. That is, until Rivian secured a massive amount of funding.

Rivian is an electric vehicle startup that’s drawn considerable interest from backers as of late, especially after Tesla’s Cybertruck made its debut. Rivian’s trucks and SUVs look more like traditional vehicles than anything Tesla makes, providing a level of confidence to key backers.

So much so that the company announced it raked in $1.3 billion in funding in its latest investment drive — its largest to date. Big names are lining up behind Rivian, including Ford Motor Co. (NYSE: F) and Amazon.com Inc. (Nasdaq: AMZN).

Rivian is expected to start delivering trucks and SUVs next year. Are we witnessing the emergence of a true competitor in the electric vehicle market?

Best: Breaking Records

I honestly don’t know why more people don’t shop online during the holiday season … or at any point during the year, for that matter. It’s like y’all didn’t get the memo: You don’t have to fight hordes of people to buy things anymore.

This year, online shopping saw more converts than ever. According to data from Mastercard, e-commerce sales surged to a record high, rising 18.8% from 2018 to account for 14.6% of total retail sales in the U.S.

Naturally, the big winner here is Amazon. The e-commerce giant said this past holiday shopping season was “record-breaking.” The company reported 5 million new Prime subscriptions (free trial and paid). What’s more, traffic at Amazon pickup points was up 60% year over year.

Here’s the surprising thing: Amazon stock is actually down more than 6% in the past six months. The shares lag the S&P 500 Index by about 8% for the past 12 months.

So, what gives? Amazon’s spending spree, that’s what. After the company posted its first profit drop in two years back in October, investors have been reluctant to push AMZN higher.

That’s a mistake. Amazon has proven time and time again that it knows how to invest in itself. This latest spending round was on one-day shipping and content for Prime TV. These investments will pay for themselves. We’ll see proof of that in Amazon’s holiday quarter earnings report.

Before I sign off and try to steal another Hawaiian roll — the King’s Hawaiian ones are OK, but homemade rolls help me feast like an emperor — it’s time for a helping of Reader Feedback.

But Great Stuff, you didn’t even ask us for any feedback this week!

No, but “readers gonna read” … and write in.

And I’m grateful for all the feedback and comments you send in.

This week, y’all got personal with the questions. The holidays bring out all kinds of folks. (Especially out on the roads by me … jeez, how many of you really went last-minute with the shopping?)

So, I thought it’d be a wholesome, festive Kodak moment to respond to some of your questions about the great stuff behind Great Stuff.

Brian E. asked:

When and why did you get into trading? I’m trying to convince my son to turn off Counter-Strike and start investing. Any advice?

Well, Brian, at least it’s Counter-Strike and not Fortnite. I don’t have the … umm … poetic license here at Great Stuff to tell you how I truly feel about Fortnite.

As a lifelong video game fan, I initially saw trading as yet another type of “game” to master. It was a challenge. With the right knowledge, I too could win this game played by billionaires.

Yes, I was young and naïve, but I never shrank from that challenge. To this day, I continue to search for that edge — that “cheat code,” if you will — that will help me (and now you) make it big.

Gwenn M. wanted to know:

Your movie references are all over the place (in the best way)! Any one favorite?

As you know, Gwenn, I have an affinity for ’80s movies — everything from Top Gun and E.T. to Indiana Jones and anything made by the great John Hughes. I also have a big weak spot for Monty Python and dry British humor.

But my real favorite, the pièce de résistance, is Star Wars. The Empire Strikes Back was the first movie I ever saw in a theater. It was a masterpiece. So, for better or for worse, Great Stuff readers get more Star Wars memes than any other.

I have spoken.

Short and sweet, Suze said:

Do you have a quote you live by?

Suze, there are, in fact, three quotes that I live by … one for investing in the market and two for life.

For the market, I live by the words of John Maynard Keynes: “Markets can stay irrational longer than you can stay solvent.”

For life, my favorite is by Robin William’s character, John Keating, in Dead Poets Society: “But only in their dreams can men be truly free. ‘Twas always thus, and always thus will be.”

But equally important is one my grandfather told me jokingly decades ago: “Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things.”

I don’t think you can go wrong with any of those quotes.

And on that note, you can look forward to more meme-fueled festivities tomorrow.

Until next time, good trading!

Regards,

Joseph Hargett

Great Stuff Managing Editor, Banyan Hill Publishing

[goldira01]

Share a Coke With Aurora Cannabis?

Are you well rested from the holiday break?

I hope so, because I have a doozy of a conspiracy theory in the cannabis sector for you today. It involves the most widely held stock on Robinhood and the world’s largest soft drink maker.

Before we get to the speculation, let’s start with the facts.

On Monday, Aurora Cannabis Inc. (NYSE: ACB) announced that Chief Commercial Officer (CCO) Cam Battley was leaving the company. Battley was considered the face of Aurora, so his leaving hit investor sentiment hard.

What’s more, analysts at Jefferies downgraded Aurora to hold from buy on the news. “It is clear to us that the market is lacking conviction in Aurora, and this update will do little to help that,” the ratings firm said in a note to clients.

ACB plunged 8% on Monday as a result.

Now for the speculation. A gentleman by the name of “Gabor the Blind Guy” posted a video to YouTube earlier this week where he tries to open a new childproof lid his father designed for Coca-Cola Co. (NYSE: KO). According to Gabor, this childproof lid is for a new cannabidiol (CBD) drink that Coke is releasing in Canada.

Coke childproof lids? Coke CBD drinks?

There’s nothing in the news about any of this … save for one article over at TheCannabisStock.com.

Anyone else remember the last company Coke was talking with to produce CBD drinks?

That’s right: Aurora Cannabis.

The Takeaway: 

Don’t go looking on YouTube for the video — it’s gone.

In fact, Gabor’s entire YouTube account is gone. So are his Facebook and Twitter accounts. I’m thinking someone accidentally broke a nondisclosure agreement here. Oops.

But this is the digital information age. Nothing is ever truly gone. In fact, you can find a mirror of the video here (while it lasts).

Now, I don’t need to tell you that Aurora could really use a boost … and a deal with Coke would be a major coup for the cannabis company. Aurora just rolled out its Cannabis 2.0 products in Canada, including a long list of edibles, vapes and drinks. A Coke-backed Cannabis 2.0 drink could send ACB to the moon.

What’s more, what if CCO Battley only moved out of Aurora (and into an Aurora subsidiary) to make way for a Coke representative ahead of a CBD drink deal?

The possibilities are tantalizing, aren’t they?

For an expert’s take on the situation, I reached out to Banyan Hill’s resident pot stocks guru, Anthony Planas. Here’s what he had to say:

I saw it on Reddit. I think it’s BS.

Clearly not the take we anticipated, but it’s a stark reminder that any potential tie-up between Aurora and Coke is purely speculation at this point.

Thank you, Anthony, for bringing us all back to earth on this one.

As it turns out, Anthony was right. Just before Great Stuff hit the presses, Coke issued a statement: “As we have stated many times, we have no plans to enter the CBD market.” Bummer.

Remember, the cannabis sector is quite volatile right at the moment. You need an expert to help guide you through the rumors and speculation. To that end, Anthony and Real Wealth Strategist editor Matt Badiali have come up with five pot stocks you “must own” right now … before more states legalize.

Click here to find out more!

Good: Tesla Smokes $420

It was bound to happen … and when it did, CEO Elon Musk was just itching to make a joke.

On Monday, Tesla Inc. (Nasdaq: TSLA) hit $420 per share. The milestone prompted Musk to tweet out: “Whoa … the stock is so high lol.”

All jokes aside, Tesla is smoking right now. The shares are up a whopping 1,600% since their initial public offering, with optimism over the new Chinese Gigafactory driving bullish sentiment right through that burning Walmart roof.

Analysts are even jumping on board, albeit reluctantly. Today, Wedbush analyst Dan Ives lifted his price target on TSLA to $370 from $270, citing strong demand for the Model 3. While Ives gave a nod to “massive short covering” for Tesla’s recent resurgence, he also pointed out “underlying fundamental improvement” at the company. After all, Tesla turned a surprise profit last quarter.

But the short squeeze story can’t be ignored. Tesla shorts have … well … lost their shorts by betting against the company. And there’s more to come. ShortSqueeze.com reports that 27.5 million TSLA shares remain sold short after a 4% decline in the latest reporting period.

Those remaining 27.5 million shares still account for about 20.5% of Tesla’s total float (or shares available for public trading). With TSLA still climbing, how much longer can these remaining bears hold out before they’re forced to buy as well?

Better: Riveting Competition 

When Tesla unveiled its new Cybertruck, the internet had a field day making fun of the “truck’s” odd design features. Not since the Pontiac Aztek have we seen a vehicle so, well … ugly.

With so few true competitors, it looked like energy-conscious truck enthusiasts (yes, they do exist) were stuck driving a truck designed by a six-year-old. That is, until Rivian secured a massive amount of funding.

Rivian is an electric vehicle startup that’s drawn considerable interest from backers as of late, especially after Tesla’s Cybertruck made its debut. Rivian’s trucks and SUVs look more like traditional vehicles than anything Tesla makes, providing a level of confidence to key backers.

So much so that the company announced it raked in $1.3 billion in funding in its latest investment drive — its largest to date. Big names are lining up behind Rivian, including Ford Motor Co. (NYSE: F) and Amazon.com Inc. (Nasdaq: AMZN).

Rivian is expected to start delivering trucks and SUVs next year. Are we witnessing the emergence of a true competitor in the electric vehicle market?

Best: Breaking Records

I honestly don’t know why more people don’t shop online during the holiday season … or at any point during the year, for that matter. It’s like y’all didn’t get the memo: You don’t have to fight hordes of people to buy things anymore.

This year, online shopping saw more converts than ever. According to data from Mastercard, e-commerce sales surged to a record high, rising 18.8% from 2018 to account for 14.6% of total retail sales in the U.S.

Naturally, the big winner here is Amazon. The e-commerce giant said this past holiday shopping season was “record-breaking.” The company reported 5 million new Prime subscriptions (free trial and paid). What’s more, traffic at Amazon pickup points was up 60% year over year.

Here’s the surprising thing: Amazon stock is actually down more than 6% in the past six months. The shares lag the S&P 500 Index by about 8% for the past 12 months.

So, what gives? Amazon’s spending spree, that’s what. After the company posted its first profit drop in two years back in October, investors have been reluctant to push AMZN higher.

That’s a mistake. Amazon has proven time and time again that it knows how to invest in itself. This latest spending round was on one-day shipping and content for Prime TV. These investments will pay for themselves. We’ll see proof of that in Amazon’s holiday quarter earnings report.

Before I sign off and try to steal another Hawaiian roll — the King’s Hawaiian ones are OK, but homemade rolls help me feast like an emperor — it’s time for a helping of Reader Feedback.

But Great Stuff, you didn’t even ask us for any feedback this week!

No, but “readers gonna read” … and write in.

And I’m grateful for all the feedback and comments you send in.

This week, y’all got personal with the questions. The holidays bring out all kinds of folks. (Especially out on the roads by me … jeez, how many of you really went last-minute with the shopping?)

So, I thought it’d be a wholesome, festive Kodak moment to respond to some of your questions about the great stuff behind Great Stuff.

Brian E. asked:

When and why did you get into trading? I’m trying to convince my son to turn off Counter-Strike and start investing. Any advice?

Well, Brian, at least it’s Counter-Strike and not Fortnite. I don’t have the … umm … poetic license here at Great Stuff to tell you how I truly feel about Fortnite.

As a lifelong video game fan, I initially saw trading as yet another type of “game” to master. It was a challenge. With the right knowledge, I too could win this game played by billionaires.

Yes, I was young and naïve, but I never shrank from that challenge. To this day, I continue to search for that edge — that “cheat code,” if you will — that will help me (and now you) make it big.

Gwenn M. wanted to know:

Your movie references are all over the place (in the best way)! Any one favorite?

As you know, Gwenn, I have an affinity for ’80s movies — everything from Top Gun and E.T. to Indiana Jones and anything made by the great John Hughes. I also have a big weak spot for Monty Python and dry British humor.

But my real favorite, the pièce de résistance, is Star Wars. The Empire Strikes Back was the first movie I ever saw in a theater. It was a masterpiece. So, for better or for worse, Great Stuff readers get more Star Wars memes than any other.

I have spoken.

Short and sweet, Suze said:

Do you have a quote you live by?

Suze, there are, in fact, three quotes that I live by … one for investing in the market and two for life.

For the market, I live by the words of John Maynard Keynes: “Markets can stay irrational longer than you can stay solvent.”

For life, my favorite is by Robin William’s character, John Keating, in Dead Poets Society: “But only in their dreams can men be truly free. ‘Twas always thus, and always thus will be.”

But equally important is one my grandfather told me jokingly decades ago: “Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things.”

I don’t think you can go wrong with any of those quotes.

And on that note, you can look forward to more meme-fueled festivities tomorrow.

Until next time, good trading!

Regards,

Joseph Hargett

Great Stuff Managing Editor, Banyan Hill Publishing

[royalblurryfacedbastard]

Today was nice. I hung out more w OG and LM so yeah, Twas cool.

I played Mario Kart w AD before class and I won once and then I gave up and stood and talked to OG n LM instead.

I sat w AS during social studies and we talked abt conspiracy theories since we’re working w that atm and then we watched another clip like the one yesterday. This time it was abt UFOs tho. It was cool.

I spent lunch w cigarette guy, OG, LM and AX at McDonald’s and both me and OG stole fries from AX. He doesn’t like sharing so he got a lil mad.

We went to the grocery store after that and met MG and his friends and when we got back to school MG and AX just kinda ran away from me n OG and LM for no reason.

Swedish class was hilarious today. We got to make quizzes on this site and then we all played it together (against each other). I won twice I think. The funniest part was trying to get more points than the teacher which we succeeded with sometimes. Also during one quiz abt Europe or whatever I forgot Denmark existed. DV was offended.

After class I sat in the cafeteria for a while and came up w some characters before catching my bus home. I could’ve gone home w the 2 pm one but I kinda missed it. Meh.

But yeah, I’m home now and I’m gonna try to chill tonight since I’ve got stuff to do tomorrow. I’ll probably maybe play some video games and draw and watch shows. And then sleep.

[terriblewritingadvice]

New AU where during the whole election arc random bs goes down causing Ace & Chainsaw to end up in the other's position 😇😇