#twa conspiracy guy

[art-leon]

:)

reference by @adorkastock !!!

bonus thing:

get [CENSORED], idiot

(this whole piece was done with the ibis text tool.)

[ward-leon]

requests are done!!!

1.

@soundsofastar you know me too well... XD

dude's at the ace attorney witness stand what's their testimony

2.

@vexarii here you go!!! :D

3.

@cottoncandyramen . bestie. im sorry to say this but unfortunately that is just. not possible for me. i tried, but it either didn't convey motion right, or looked off, or i couldn't find the right reference, or all of the above and more. :(

i could offer you 2 (two) kitty cats as compensation, though?

anyway. uh. thats it. thanks for getting to the end!

[terriblewritingadvice]

rare thin greed jumpscare 💥💥

[mourningarchivist]

i think evil baron and conspiracy guy would shittalk other people's Evil And Sinister Plots if they could. like gossiping grandmas mayhaps

*looking through those fancy binoculars on a stick* "they can't even make sure their assassins are sneaky... how preposterous!"

"that's what i'm saying!!"

Oooh, this is a very good idea!! I think this fits their personalities completely, if I'm being honest. I really like the way you expressed their character here; this feels very canon and I can perfectly imagine them doing it in the actual videos. :) This makes me wonder... Would Baron dislike others' plans because they're not complicated and convoluted enough? Would Conspiracy Guy would dislike them because they're not grand and mysterious enough?... And since Conspiracy Guy and Baron are on the opposing (kind of...) sides in the series, would they end up hating each other's plans as well? That mental image is very funny, at least to me. All in all, thank you so much for telling me your headcanon! It's very fun to think about, and if you want, you're absolutely welcome to tell me more headcanons of yours; I'll be waiting. :)

[fictional-character-fight-poll]

Chtulhu Cult Leader vs. Conspiracy Guy

Propaganda under the cut:

Chtulhu Cult Leader:

they are human-ish they are also a tentacle monster they fought back once and won what else could you want

Conspiracy Guy:

listen ok. he has a weapon. he can probably backstab everyone there. all according to plan, of course!

Reasons as to why one or the other would win are encouraged in the notes. Send in additional propaganda and I'll add it to the post!

[ward-leon]

your honor, in my defense: who cares like omfggggggggg who cares???????????? like. come On

[twisting-roads]

Summary of all the iterators in LOTG to-date

Chain Of Missing Links [she/her] Built for the purpose of archiving history, her can is rather large. She is very formal and friendly, though has an obsessive nature and very easily holds grudges. Her puppet is intended to be somewhat of a mascot of learning. She probably knows where you live.

Cage Of Membrane [she/her] Built for mass producing purposed organisms. Her common need to be involved in private operations lead to many memory wipes, which messed with some of her functions, especially her speech patterns. I twas not much of a concern, though. She is somewhat naive and optimistic, loving to talk to others. It is very hard to get on her bad side.

Sixteenth Boundary Collapse [it/they] An iterator with much cultural significance, it was revered. It is one of the first few iterators too, with its puppet having degraded and most of the organic parts missing or rotted. It is wise, and many seek out their opinion, but they say very little.

Thirteen Catastrophes [she/he] An upstanding iterator, not created for any specific reason. She follows the words of the ancients very closely, even throwing out his own opinions for the sake of his creator's. His tendency to do things that go against what she wants leads to very complex and estranged relationships with others.

Open Waters [it/its] A very small iterator with a controversial history. Intended to be one in a line of small iterators that could break up the large population of SBC's city, its construction resulted in a cataclysmic failure, and so it ended up as the only one of its kind.

Oblivion On Quartz Towers [she/her] A skeptical iterator, built for more pragmatic purposes. She finds it hard to believe anyone, sticking by herself and a few select other iterators. Despite this, she tends to joke around a lot more, usually comes out as passive aggressiveness though.

Nine Purple Mountains [they/them] An iterator with a constant need to gossip and discuss conspiracies. They seem to just make things up for attention and to argue with someone.

Three Tungsten Coins [it/its] A reserved and shy iterator who's always focused on something, really only comes to chat about issues it ran into and how to solve them.

Timing In A Splay [any] Built to research specific mass ascension methods. A very eccentric and talkative iterator.

Quintet Of Remembrance [any] Built very close to TIAS for similar purposes. Very uptight and strict, never one for public groups, however.

Horizon Of Sulfur [he/him] An iterator who's appearance in any group chat seems to be a bad omen of sorts. He is entirely under the control of his creators, standard contact with him is nearly impossible.

Painted Whispers [he/him] this is the second tally hall reference I don't really have anything for this guy I just heard this and was likje "hahahaha that would be really funny if I put this guy's name somewhere"

[hizznbyte]

hey! just so u know, i (and i'm sure many others) would love to hear about that AU ! but it's alr if u don't wanna share it yet, do what makes u comfortable 👍

Oughh.. ohhh boy. Okay I should probably finally get to answering this ask gahhhh!.!..

Hi you!!! I’m assuming this is about my TWA AU post thing I made and deleted a little bit ago, in which I’d be happy to talk about it! I’m totally fine with sharing that shtuffs if you wanna hear about it, the only reason I’ve been hesitant to do so and putting it off is because my English is super sucky and I can’t articulate or explain my thinking properly so it can get super confusing, especially when we get to the more complicated lore. Plus, I don’t wanna make this post as long as the other one [that was pain in my ass to type and post 😭🙏] but.. I suppose I can take a swing at it! Please do bear with me haha.

So I’m not into TWA as I was before [I do sometimes rewatch videos out of boredom or for writing purposes] but I used to be super hyperfixated on it.. uh??? More than a year ago according to my discord. And I came up with this dumb unnamed AU which I fleshed out but never elaborated on. It’s got some complicated lore which I’ll try to explain to the best of my ability. Also like don’t jump me when I say I forgot most, if not everything from the original TWAEU lore so whatever I’m making up my own story now.

In the story, JP [Ego] finishes writing a chapter of his super awesome amazing BEST STORY EVER! and he’s so proud of himself that he goes to take a well deserved nights rest. And then he gets fucking isekai’d. Of course, it’s the most cliche, generic isekai plot ever, so JP just thinks he’s dreaming. He’s the all-mighty powerful chosen one. He’s self aware and got all the plot armor in the world. He’s got himself a useless familiar who dumps the plot at him. It’s your standard isekai story, save for the harem collecting because JP couldn’t pull to save his life. Anyways, he’s transported to this kingdom or whatever, because there’s always a monarchy in good fantasy right? And for whatever reason, the Knights of Artistic Integrity are the only authority figures despite sucking at their job. LOL.

Anywhos! JP’s goal is to “defeat the evil in the kingdom and restore it to peace so he can return to reality yeah!!” [the evil in question being his inners]. But JP doesn’t really take his quest seriously because why would he. It’s a dumbass dream he thinks until he almost dies and realizes “Wow! This dream sure is wack! It’s almost like this… isn’t a dream. Also what happened to my plot armor?” Or whatever white people say. In any case, he’s saved by the one and only Sir Knight Commander Mcstabbypants! [my beloved]. KC realizes that JP just might be the chosen one the prophecy called for ! So they take him back to Sir Adblock who devises a deal. JP and the knights will work together, he gets rid of the evil and restores peace to the kingdom and they help him return to reality. It’s a fair enough deal so JP agrees.

Things happen but JP and KC need to find Inner Critic. So they track down, arrest, and interrogate the Ancient Conspiracy Guy who claims to know where IC is. He’s a dirty liar and just wants to get out but he does know where to find the Cthulhu Cult Leader who’d probably know where IC is. They could also be a useful asset in defeating evil if they figured out how to get the Cthulhu Cult Leader on their side. This is also a shameless lie btw, but JP and KC don’t think much of it and without many leads they drag Ancient Conspiracy Guy around trying to find em. In reality Conspiracy Guy kinda just wants to get Cthulhu Cultist dude arrested because he’s petty as fuck. Don’t question it.

I’m gonna go ahead and skip that whole saga thing, but JP and co. find Inner Critic. And the guy is all “I’ve heard many things about you J.P. BEAUBIEN. It’s about time you owned up and repaid for the damages you caused.” or.. something like that, and JP goes “I have not a clue what you’re talking about because I just got here, but I’m gonna assume that’s a good thing!”

Anyways they kill Inner Critic. RIP. Everyone celebrates! They got rid of the evil! That is until JP’s familiar FINALLY shows up and goes “Wait, no, you weren’t supposed to kill him. You were just supposed to cleanse him [whatever that means]” which would’ve been nice to know before they killed the guy!! But no they need him alive. Man I sure wish there was a way to bring the dead back to life-

Hey so did I talk about Inner Greed’s giant 3D printer? But before when can address that ginormous elephant in the room, we have to get into the nitty gritty for uh context. This is where the lore kind of gets confusing but stay with me here! [Oh Solid Space… how I’ve longed to finally talk about you...]

So what exactly is Solid Space? In the AU lore, Solid Space is a theoretical concept proposed by this guy named Inner Ambition, that aimed to explain an oddly specific conundrum. If you watched a Terrible Writing Advice video before you’d know that all the art and characters are built up of shapes. Disconnected shapes that is [and yes, I am very aware this is a stylistic thing that makes the graphics simpler but in this AU it’s pretty important]. This design choice still exists in my AU, where all the characters don’t have those parts connecting their limbs so they just appear to be floating but it’s more exaggerated. Namely, their bodies lack a neck and joints in the shoulders, elbows, wrists, hips, knees, and ankles. What remains is an empty space filled up by air. This led to people wondering, how are we [the people in the AU] still able to function normally without these necessary parts? I mean, they can still eat, drink, breathe, and talk without a neck? Their limbs stay in place and can’t really be pushed or pulled around without feeling pain. So how do you explain this? Inner Ambition aimed to figure that out, conducting various experiments, and learned the following:

The empty space between limbs behaved in such a way that IA dubbed it the “Limb Space Paradox”. Essentially, if you try to touch the limb space with a part of your body [say, sticking your finger in the space where your neck should be] it would go through as if there were nothing there. Like there was just air between them. You could cut through that space and not feel a thing. HOWEVER! Any other object, substance, or element that made contact with that space would react as if there were a solid object in between them. If you tried to stick a pencil in between the space where your shoulder would be, it would stop and hit a solid wall. It would NOT pass through. If you poured water down your arm, it would flow downwards the sides of your arm instead of through the empty space. Air would also hit the surface instead of going through the other side.

The fact that these characters can bleed, breathe, feel and be hurt imply the existence of skin, organs, muscles, nerves and veins, bones, and the like within these spaces, yet it cannot be seen or altered. This, ladies and gentlemen, is what Inner Ambition calls “Solid Space”. Solid Space is a confusing idea, implying that parts of their body exist in some form, in a plane beyond their own. Something they cannot properly comprehend. Because of this, Solid Space cannot be artificially recreated [keep that in mind].

Now, why exactly this is and what evolutionary advantage this feature has is unclear, because IA died right before he could figure out the answer.

And it may or may not be JP’s fault.

Uh anyways back to Inner Greed’s printer? Oh yeah! So Greed has the ginormous machine that resembles a kind of 3D Printer. And essentially, he can produce literally anything [and I mean ANYTHING] in large quantities as long as he has the filament. The filament in question is artificially crafted and owned by Greed and Greed only. The cost to create something using Greed’s printer is insanely high, so usually only the rich and elite can afford to even come close to the thing [obviously, this IS Greed we are talking about!] Usually, companies will collaborate with Greed to pump out products in mass amounts where they then sell it off to the public for a lower, yet still expensive price. People mainly prefer to buy products from these companies because of a little bit of Greed propaganda. He assures everyone his printed products are higher quality, better for the environment and health [when that’s entirely false], and the price is totally worth it! Even though you’d have to sell your newborn to even afford housing and shi. Nowadays, a majority of big companies get their stuff from Greed. Awesome. I love capitalism. Also Inner Greed is essentially controls the government and military and.. well pretty much everything which is why the Knights need him GONE. [Random fact? The Chainsaw General Guy -What’s his face- is Greed’s right hand man here, even though he hates working for Greed and just needs to pay off a debt. I dunno]

But like I said, Greed’s machine can print anything and everything. That includes printing people, cloning the powerful, nd’ reviving the dead. Hell yeah! 3D printing necromancy babeyy!!

The only issue with this system is the fact that it’s virtually impossible to do any of this as a layperson. The process is not only INCREDIBLY difficult [you yourself need to provide the resources/materials for filament] and time consuming, it’s extortionate!! Obviously it’s gonna be expensive, this is Greed after all, but even the most wealthy elites [aside from Greed’s inner circle] are hesitant to pay the price and only really do it when they get extremely desperate. Just imagine your average millionaire’s yearly income I guess. Anywho, if you were somehow able to afford and pay for this service, the steps required are just as troublesome. First, you’d need the body of the subject you’d want to print, and it needs to be preserved perfectly. That is to say, if the body of a dead person sustained any injury [internal or external] they’d need to be fixed before bringing them to Greed or he’ll just print them out as is, and there’s no going back or fixing it afterwards. And trust me, the medical bills are just as bad. So if you broke your leg before you die you gotta get that thing back in place or else you’ll just come back with a permanent broken leg. This also just makes it hard for those whose bodies are missing to be revived, those like Inner Ambition- I’m getting ahead of myself. Anyways, after receiving and scanning the body, you’d need to provide Greed with a large enough sample of preserved DNA and tissue to be mixed in with his artificial filament. Oh, remember when I explained Solid Space and said it can’t be artificially recreated? Yeah, well Greed will just replace that space with a clear, resin like substance that mimics the appearance of solid space but really acts more like a glass tube where you can see your insides through. Extremely fragile and painful to live with. And after all that you’d the wait a month, give or take? Depends on how nice Greed was feeling that moment.

All that time and effort… and only to have the husk [body] of the person you’re printing. You’d need to go to Greed AGAIN and have him reprogram a conscience and memories back into the husk to fully complete the process. So yeah. Capitalism win. The only exception to this would be Greed’s inner circle of people which he has their bodies already archived for quick and easy printing. The inner circle in question being made up of mostly rich political figures who JP is also tasked with getting rid of.

Not too sure if any of this makes sense or is that relevant to the story that I had to flesh it out like that. I stopped working on the AU immediately after my hyperfixation died off.

But basically JP doesn’t wanna have to go through that process because that’s annoying as hell, plus Greed also seems to hate him and the Inner Critic so he wouldn’t dare revive that guy. Makes JP’s mission a lot more complicated. But I guess that’s his fault-

So now JP’s real goal has become more of a “figure out what you did to turn the world to ruin and repay for the damages and crimes while also restoring order to the kingdom” or something like that. Because JP isn’t really the hero the story initially sets him out to be. All this while trying to return back to reality… yeah this is gonna be a long mission. Existential crises, battles n betrayals, Y’know the like.

And that’s… as much as I wrote before effectively forgetting about it and never continuing the story from there. And man in retrospect this is an absolutely insane AU that I could probably rewrite and improve but hey, this dumbass post is long enough as is. So many tangents and ramblings…sorry I don’t know how to conclude this chaotic mess of a post. I am exhausted. I’m glad I finally finished writing this so I can post it and stop thinking about it LOL 😭🙏 If anyone cares, I don’t have any official designs for this AU so feel free to come up with your own interpretations.

Anywhos, thank you for the ask and I hope this wasn’t too awful of a read [that is, if anyone actually read all of this. Sorry XD] Much love to you all.

[art-leon]

tfw im trying to listen to my enemies banter from the shadows so i'd at least get a good laugh out of something on this godforsaken ship but theres someone else standing Right Next To Me

[vischys]

"...But why would you guys want to retrieve their formula? Bringing it back? They're going to make more especially the amount of HYDE pills they make for their followers."

Pills?

𝑨 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒍𝒊𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒅 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒂𝒔𝒉𝒆𝒏-𝒉𝒂𝒊𝒓 𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒑𝒍𝒚 to the crimson-clad teen as the disclosure confounded his mind enough to permit his muscles such an instinctive reaction. The dim lighting fell upon the cambion's countenance, revealing a prominent frown that implicated to Navarro that he had no awareness of the pills whatsoever prior to this revelation.

His gaze fell then as his mind examine the facts he was briefed with and those Navarro disclosed. No, their so-called liaison made no reference nor mention to any HYDE pills, only a formula perceived as a threat hence must be recovered. It had become apparent by this point, that their client, represented by the liaison that Vergil himself had never encountered, – given the nature of his brother's agency – either deliberately omitted details or falsified them.

It was then his wariness toward the horror-hailed fraction were momentarily palliated as raised his gaze again to meet Navarro's and relay the newfound suspicion his mind had arrived to:

Whoever tugging this liaison's strings, might they seek to seize the HYDE formula from the Lovely Horrors and utilize it for their own gain in lieu of vitiating it?

For the first time since his arrival hither, the Darkslayer felt a pang of concern over his twin brother's province. Something that his mind would immediately cast away in favor of logic that was a son of Sparda who had not only sealed the Emperor of Hell but more importantly was also his own equal in strength, was beyond the equation of any fractions, Horrors and conspiracy notwithstanding.

But 'twas not everything, for candor was in the bomber's disposition as Navarro proceeded to describe the dealings and nature of their shared mark to such an insightful detail and Vergil did not hesitate to avail himself of it.

As it turned out, Ink's fraction was not the only one who had a matter to settle with their horror-rific counterpart. As the green-eyed youth enumerated the names of the rest of the youth fractions that Vergil heard firsthand from Ink prior, he was quick to note that no, unlike his initial apprehension, the feud between the two fractions did not begin with their respective leaders' confrontation and subsequent brush with death, but rather with something out of pure altruism: saving one of their own, Jaron. To think not only that he was nearly deprived of the existence of the youth whom he had unofficially hailed as culinary rival elicited a twinge of dismay in his chest, though none of it was ever hinted upon his steadily hardening frown.

"Things happened so fast, it felt like a long damn night. We first fought the low-ranking members of the Lovely Horrors; the Followers. Then they have a second rank; their Commander Beasts."

Those humanoid varmints dressed in white rags must constitute the Followers and that monstrosity dubbing himself Ludwig a Commander Beast of their ranks, he deduced mentally and soon was confirmed as Navarro pushed on.

 "They can be strong and freaking annoying as the feral demons. Because...their followers are humans using pills that have bits of demon blood in them. They are called HYDE pills. The Commander Beasts are humans that mutated into monsters like that horse monster Ink fought. Hence, the HYDE formula. It makes humans who take them tougher and faster than humans. But it can make you aggressive like a wild animal depending on how many pills you take."

At the description as to how exactly the narcotic substance came into being and effect, the frown upon the Sparda's countenance receded a tad as he couldn't but perceive a vein of hilarity from the sudden, borderline comical revelation about a certain reading material of gothic genre, bearing the same title and retailing a serum with similar efficacy to that of HYDE.

“ An aggression quickened by "the first breath of this new life, to be more wicked, tenfold more wicked, sold a slave to my original evil and the thought" ? ” He quoted a line from said reading material in a wry cadence. “ How appositely prosaic from a fraction entitling themselves as a fetching ilk of horror. ”

"But...they're nothing compared to the third rank; The Horrors. Those on the top are the real members. We only saw two. Jason is one and so is Shrika."

Shrika. ​That name, uttered a few times by one of the Followers, and now by Navarro. Undoubtedly she is the Horror whose machinations are currently transpiring. Or one of the so-called Horrors, at the very least.

"​.... We were spread out trying to find Taz and those who were kidnapped. Then along the way, I heard on the radio from Rust that Ink is fighting Killer Night aka Matt."

​Matt.

Shrika was undoubtedly here, yes, but could the same manner of presence apply to her notorious leader? And if he did, was his dealing solely for their fraction's foray into the city, or....

His lips tightened into a straight at the dismaying possibility that leader of the Horrors was here spefically for the leader of the Demon Blood Tears, and the qualm of conspiracy was pushed aside for the nonce in favor of a more personal lookout.

​“ ​T​he Killer Night, ”​  he intoned the highest ranking Horrors' title for the first time ever since he had heard of it, first by Ink and now by Navarro, steadily with a degree of cynicism, like a warrior sizing its new contender. The memory of Ink's empty expression flashed in his mind once more. Was it due to a trauma from the murderous Horror inflicted upon her or to a distress triggered by her comrades' incarceration? He sincerely hoped it was more of the latter.

​The dreadful rumination invoked a moment of silence before culminating in a single, grave query:  “​ How did Ink fare in that confrontation with him? ​”

“The Lovely Horrors.”

A visible frown marred the cambion’s countenance upon hearing his very suspicion confirmed in such a stern conviction, that was Ink and her fraction being here for the very terrorist group that was supposedly to be his mark, thusly further substantiating his unspoken wonder that Ink was indeed involved with the malefic fraction beyond professional capacity.

Keep reading

[ward-leon]

i feel like every major twa character has to rant/have a tangent at least once in a while. for their health

case in point:

dark lord (season 1 grimdark)

conspiracy guy (season 2 iirc? im re: the whole "cancelling" thing fyi)

idk if inner greed's speech (season 2) counts but It Sure Does Exist

cult leader (season 2 litrpg) (i mean im pretty sure you could count their whole speech about how TLDR: The Universe Does Not Care as a tangent)

[terriblewritingadvice]

hi hello good morning! can you do the babygirl pose with Ace (conspiracy guy)? thank you in advance :)

the :)

og post. :]

[ssa-baby-outlaw]

9-1-1 S4 EP7

• Oh I hope nothing bad happens to the rock chick band they are me and we are one

• Oh damn it's another plague

• Dont tell me it's going to be another warning against weed

• Do not make me watch this awkward date with buck

• Hens mother!

• Albert is so cute "fork please🙂"

• "We have to move" he's so fucking dramatic...but also...just move in with eddie

• Michael spying on everyone is such a quarantine vibe

• IS THIS THE TURKEY!?

• michael honey it's getting a little creepy now

• Just another thing the military fucks up

• The title of this episode has to be something about neighbor's right?

• I'm too invested in Michael's neighbor's

• Athena sent bobby to Michael's!!!!! I love their friendship so much

• Everyone wants to look through Michael's telescope

• Bobby and Michael conspiracy theorists are my favourite duo

• BOBBY HAS BINOCULARS TOO NOW I'm dead I'm absolutely dead

• "Its just too much trash!"

• Whoever came up with this idea I fucking love them, they've roped Michaels boyfriend into it now

• "Michael did help me break into a bank vault once"

• Oh fuck michael just broke into his home

• It feels like that guy isnt actually going to be doing dodgy stuff

• Oh shit I was very wrong he is very dodgy

• "Why did I have to fall in love with a brain surgeon" adorable and relatable

• I'm gonna need more of an explanation of what that man was doing because I dont understand at the moment

• Hens mum moving in! I like it right now but I feel like itll go badly at some point

• Albert coming out of Veronica's shower will never not be iconic

• Ah, twas called 'there goes the neighbourhood' I can safely say that was probably the most enjoyable episode yet

[ward-leon]

hehe :3c

taglist!!!

@culinaryautist @coloredmesa @coffee-without-anesthetics @alcedeerie and anyone else who wants to join ^_^

I was tagged by a few people in this game a while back. Finally got around to it. To avoid skewing the results, I tried to pick only from fandoms that had about the same level of popularity. And also Clive.

Tagging @shunshuntaiga @radical-rapscallion @v01dblad3 @epitomyofshyness @quadruple-a-battery-under-ur-bed

@afdg10 @dont-offend-the-bees and anyone else who wants to join. If any of you are the ones who tagged me, my bad. I forgot.

[mokkemusic]

Did you hear the rumor about the naughty Mokke that got turned into cookies?

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! I offer you a crack fic with hints of fluff. PEASE this is just in good fun and I debated about posting this so please just take this with a big grain of salt! This was meant for some Christmas surprises but I decided to share it here as well cause we can all use a laugh. 

SPECIAL THANKS to @thehopeelias​ who not only did this precious art! But helped me over many nervous breakdowns with my Christmas surprises for special people on here! I didn’t participate in secret santa however I am so so happy I got to celebrate it with everyone I love so so much! MERRY CHRISTMAS! Heres a sweet treat. 

Warning: This contains some violence to Santa and Stealing from needy children (Mokke cannot be trusted). Read with caution :P lol 

_____________________________________________________________________

“Did you hear the rumor about the naughty Mokke that got turned into cookies?”

‘‘Twas the night before Christmas and at Santa’s workshop four little Mokke decided to take it upon themselves to change the naughty list. So they decided to work together and go to the North Pole to right this wrong. They had one very special wish they needed Santa to fulfill for them. But every year Santa never showed and their wishes never came true. 

“I want be one of the Seven Mysteries!” 

“Please Santa we’ll be good leaders!” 

“We’ll only make all the humans work in the candy garden 5 times a day!” 

“And we’ll promise to feed them!” 

“PLEASE SANTA!” 

Unfortunately when the Mokke spoke up on murder and conspiracy, not to mention servitude, Santa did not think this was a conducive idea. He banished all Mokke from ever being on the nice list again. 

Poor little Mokke. Should we take it at heart that they have good intentions?

The Mokke couldn’t tolerate this any longer and planned a journey to Santa’s workshop. With the help of their favorite candy givers, The Broadcast Club, they were able to use one of the Boundaries to open a door to the North Pole. 

It was as cold as ice and the journey was treacherous. The only nourishment in their stomachs was a lollipop consumed 5 hours ago. They would have stopped to nibble on the candy cane path that led the way but Christmas was only a few hours away and they were racing against the clock. 

“I’m cold.” 

“Shut up.” 

“We can steal all the mittens when we take over the world!” 

Finally, after what seemed like centuries, there was a beacon of light!

A warmth in their bellies! 

A shimmer to the their little beady eyes!

They arrived at Santa’s Workshop! 

“We made it!”

“Yay! Let’s kill Santa!” 

Unfortunately, having the attention span of a flea, their kleptomaniac selves could not resist the temptation of stealing, at Santa’s workshop nonetheless. They ran straight for the Toys For Tots bin. They pummeled the fluff out of the dolls and bears, extracted the batteries from all the electronics, and even took scissors to the gift cards. It was all just they believed. Little kids all over the world would loose their faith in Santa, and all the toys and wishes would be theirs! 

But their commotion filled antics were not silent and as they played and wreaked havoc, a team of elves were ready and waiting with support units to catch the intruders. Their radios emitted static panic throughout the workshop. 

“Peppermint this is sugar cookie come in please. We got a situation. Yes…I know I didn’t finish the second coat on the rocking horse yet but this is an EMERGENCY! I need you to get Snickerdoodle and meet me on the first floor! Do we have a protocol for this?!” 

The real threat of capture dawned on the Mokke as one of the elves leapt in the air and the Mokke fled for their lives. 

“Their onto us!” 

“SCATTER!” 

And so…the chase was on! 

A slight ping of worry started to ferment in their hearts.

“What do we do if we get caught?” 

“We can always blame Number 7.”

“We’ll say he put us up to this.” 

“He’s got some shady plans anyway. They’ll have to believe us.” 

They hid behind all the display sleighs. They weaved though all the doors and ran up and down all the staircases and escalators until they suddenly found themselves in a room that was filed with candies and chocolates glowing and gleaming in brilliant magenta like the star topper of a Magnificent Christmas tree. 

All thoughts of destruction and of stealth at escaping the clutches of elves were replaced only by thoughts of ravenous hunger and sheer happiness at the fortune they found. Their tummies rumbled and drool dribbled from their invisible mouths. 

Not a single brain cell in sight as they cannon balled into a sea of confection heaven, oblivious to the sign that screamed in bright bold letters 

ELF EXPERIMENTATION KITCHEN 

        TESTING IN PROGRESS 

           DO NOT CONSUME

They munched munched munched away until they said…

“I can’t move.”

“I don’t feel so good.” 

“I can’t feel my ears.”

At that very moment the elves caught up, hands on their knees gasping for breath; too many hours making toys doesn’t leave a lot of time for cardio. They looked over the trays of candies and amidst the sweetness lay four pink sugar cookies that looked really familiar. 

The elves gazed in amazement as they realized what just happened. 

“Snickerdoodle come here please…I can’t move I’m still on the floor. Get Dr. Gum Drop and tell him the current candy project needs to be terminated immediately.” 

The elf picked up the once Mokke, now a pillar of sugar and flour and Red Dye #40, and turned to his fellow brethren and said…

“Anyone got a glass of milk?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“…And that’s the story of how the naughty Mokke got turned into cookies.”

“You’re lying!” 

“That never happened!”

The Mokke huffed in protest as their Christmas tale turned to horror.

Hanako sat on the window sill as the Mokke jumped on his hat and arms. 

“Oh really? You think I’m lying? Then why do I have…THIS?!” He put the cookie to his lips biting off the Santa hat covered ear.“You guys aren’t as good as donuts but you’ll do.” 

The Mokke’s eyes went wide with terror and they fled from the girls’ bathroom as Hanako let out a grinch like chuckle. 

“Hanako Kun!” Nene Yashiro called to him skipping into the bathroom with bells and all the Christmas spirit. “Did you get the Mokke cookies I made?”

He held up the cookie with a now amputated ear as he gazed at the floor. A blush as red as Rudolph’s nose flooded his cheeks. “They were delicious Yashiro. Thank you for this.”

“I made you some Hakujoudai too.” She giggled. “I am just glad you like em.”

He stood up. Held his hat in his hands and hugged her, flush to his chest. “I love them.”

[fly-pow-bye]

DuckTales 2017 - “How Santa Stole Christmas!”

Story by: Francisco Angones, Madison Bateman, Colleen Evanson, Christian Magalhaes, Bob Snow

Written by: Colleen Evanson

Storyboard by: Sam King, Kathryn Marusik, Stephan Park

Directed by: Jason Zurek

The Last Christmas...episode of DuckTales 2017.

Twas the night before Christmas, and all throughout the night, The kids are reminded of Scrooge and Santa's fight. Previous episodes have brought up Scrooge's Santa furore And this is the episode where we get the whole story.

The episode starts with Della, tucking her children into bed, Feeding them stories to put in their head. It's not the usual story, as her children moan, but reasons for that old elf to not be allowed in their home.

But outside of Webby, the kids aren't Santa-haters Even if he's known by the McDucks for being among traitors They hear thumps on the roof, and the kids will go to the Manor's ceiling, where they see a shadow

As the figure shows himself, their childlike wonder was not blessed...

...as it was someone else whose name starts with S.

Scrooge was preparing his defenses against any reindeer, and ensuring on Christmas, no Claus will be near. He ensures the kids they don't need him, as he is rich. See, he's able to give them all hats that itch.

It's practical, he says, though the kids think it's lame As they wanted a trampoline, a cell phone, and a video game. Before Scrooge can explain, he hears the doorbell. Carolers, Scrooge assumes, and the lies that they tell.

He opens the door, Webby readying weapons she possessed and it turned out to be our jolly old guest. Scrooge grits his teeth, and the children shout with glee...

...and then Santa falls down, nearly crushing Dewey.

It's here that I realize this rhyming is annoying you, and that's okay, because I'm getting tired of it, too. I can really only do this for a short review-ey, So the rest of this are normal paragraphs, ah phooey.

So Santa falls down and breaks his leg, and even Scrooge, with his pretty low opinion on Santa Claus, is concerned for his well being. He even has to motion to Webby to put down her grappling hook that she was apparently was preparing to put into Santa's chest. She then slowly brings out a sword. It's a joke on the same level as that spork one from a previous episode; it's a classic Webby moment.

After hearing that Frank Sinatra-esque Christmas-themed opening from the last Christmas episode, now with 100% more Della, Santa wakes up near the chimney fire. I like the detail that it's barred up to prevent Santa's usual Christmas travel, though as I was told as a kid who lived in a house that didn't have a chimney and this episode proves, he can use a door just fine. In this universe, he's real, and he proves this by giving Huey, Dewey, and Louie their video game, trampoline, and cell phone, respectively. He tries to do the same with Webby, but she pretends to like her hat better. Got to look good for the man she idolizes, after all.

That man, Scrooge, decides to reveal exactly what Santa did to get his ire: he stole something from him. All but one of the kids can't believe it, and the one exception couldn't figure out exactly what that something could be. Don't worry, this is not going to become one of those Christmas Carol pastiches, as DuckTales 2017 is a lot more clever than that and didn't feel like competing with that rat that must not be named. Instead, it's more like Santa Claus is Coming To Town, where we get to hear the origin of the holiday that Scrooge says was stolen from him. The title isn't wrong, it really is actually Santa that stole Christmas this time!

Santa doesn't have time for this, as he needs to get Christmas finished before sunrise. It is still Christmas Eve, after all. He asks Scrooge, with his belt so tight, to drive his sleigh tonight, and it takes some begging from Huey, Dewey, and Louie for him to oblige. Well, that, and Santa offers him to never come to the McDuck Manor if he does the deed. That's not the only offer, as Santa decides to tell the kids a story I thought would be the noodle incident of the cartoon.

The story begins with Scrooge during one of his business stints, selling heat-giving coal to the populace of a snow-filled village, with no buyers in one particular cottage. He finds a polar bear with a sleigh singing about bells that jingle, and Scrooge comes over to help him out. Introducing himself as Santa Claus, Scrooge finds out that he does have similar goals, though Santa prefers to warm people's hearts with toys rather than coal. Santa tries that same cottage, offering a gift for free, and they happily let him in, and he was so kind that they even allow him to bring that guest that was yelling at them to buy his coal.

The big guy ends up being the life of the party at the cottage with his new hit song, filled with people of short stature with colorful costumes, until the fire burns out. Scrooge's coal ends up saving the party, though Santa had to use his own way of selling it by just grabbing it right out of his bag and throwing it in the fireplace. This warms the hearts and the house of the cottage dwellers, though Scrooge could tell it's more because he's a friend of that jolly guy than anything else. It's quite clear Scrooge has more reason to start his hatred of that red guy beyond being named after that classic Christmas-time villain.

The hatred doesn't start just yet, though, but he is a little bewildered by an idea that Santa Claus has: not only does he want to bring this heat source to this cottage and the people who were just visiting it, but to everyone in the world in one night! Scrooge knows this is impossible, but Santa feels he knows some way he can do this. This begins a brand new friendship, and this is where Webby is confused.

Webby: Wait, Scrooge doesn't have any friends!

Understandably, Goldie is more of a frenemy, being friends with Launchpad is far too easy to count, and it's debatable if anyone is Gyro's friend, either.

We cut to what's happening in the present, where Scrooge gets on the sleigh with all of the reindeer kids would know. All the kids know Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen. If they think of any other reindeer's name, well, let's let another Christmas special sort that one out:

Olive, the other reindeer: By the way, where's Rudolph?

Comet: There's no Rudolph. It's just one of those urban legends.

Along with Santa and himself, Scrooge decides to only let the one kid who knows Santa is a fraud, Webby, on the sleigh. The kids protest, and Santa implies to them that if they go to bed, they would be on the nice list. They already got their gifts, and if Santa ends up doing his end of the bargain, it wouldn't even matter, but the nephews decide to go back to bed. One could argue that Santa could boop his nose and instantly turn the video game, cell phone, and trampoline into coal, and that one is confusing this episode with another special with siblings that wear the primary colors.

As the reindeer fly into the sky, Webby continues her anti-Santa creed, saying that she wouldn't be wooed by dolls, candles, or crossbows. That last one does end up piquing Webby's interest enough, and Santa does reveal that, yup, that's what she was getting. Scrooge tells Santa it's going to take more than that, and Webby isn't trying too hard to prove that's true. In fact, she actually blurts that she's worried that Santa wouldn't be able to finish Christmas in time, and Santa tells her, and it's all because of another artifact from that legendary Finch journal. No, I'm just kidding, there's no journal in this episode; along with the Halloween episode that also doesn't feature it, this episode was written before anything else in this season.

That artifact is the Feliz Navidiamond, a diamond that can slow down time to the point where the mission to give coal to everyone on Earth is a possibility rather than pure fantasy, and Scrooge happens to have a map that leads right to it. Said map leads to Cascabel Cavern, a cavern known for having creatures of legend defend it, including the Los Renos Voladores. Those who know their Spanish, as Scrooge does, may see where this is going. Santa didn't just have the flying reindeer show up at his doorstop one day, he had to encounter them at the cavern along with his new friend. While Scrooge attempts to use his cane to fend one of them off, he notices that Santa appears to be taming the flying beasts with his jingle bells. Again, the contrast between the charitable and caring Santa and the practical yet uncaring Scrooge shows itself here, along with the contrast between how much they're enjoying this partnership.

Webby says she can figure out why Santa decided to keep them, as reindeer are known for their long horns and good efficiency. Scrooge asks her why she even cares about this, and Webby, once again, tries to say that his fantastic flying reindeer aren't really her thing. For a super-spy in training, she is surprisingly bad at this. Her Santa hatred breaks throughout the episode as she slowly develops from someone who blindly goes with what Scrooge says to realizing that this elf may be a little more than what her idol says he is. I could see parallels with this character arc in this one episode and her development from the sheltered Scrooge fangirl who can't figure out how the real world works of Season 1 to the caring girl with some Scrooge fangirl tendencies she is in Season 3, and that's neat to see. I do think her just blindly believing in Scrooge’s stories in the beginning is a little bit of a negative, though.

While the story is happening, the episode decides it's montage time. To the tune of Scrooge's least favorite song, guess which one, we see Webby and Scrooge give gifts to various people, including Webby taking her time to give both Violet and the still-looking-like-she-did-before-that-one-episode Lena a kiss, though the latter is understandable because, as mentioned before, they wrote these holiday specials first. We also get an extended scene where Scrooge has to wade through all the Beagle Boys in the naughty list to give a gift to Bouncer Beagle, who somehow managed to get on the nice list. I did question at first how time appears to be flowing quite well in these scenes judging by the giftee's reactions, but I could understand that the Feliz Navidiamond only works when they're on the sleigh. After Santa saves Scrooge from the Beagle Boys, he says they're even, referring to something that happened after the taming of the not-Rudolphs.

In the Cascabel Cavern, we get to see the rise of a guardian, who some people might call Jack Frost though they don't call it that. No, not the Jack Frost from those guardians, I say to the people who still remember that movie exists.

No, it's a Jack Frost like the movie with the snowman. I'm sure Santa could sense that Michael Keaton film from nearly a century later, as he tries to calm the roaring snowman with a delightful gift. Hopefully it's Campbell's Soup, and then we'll find out inside that guardian was just a really, really cold little boy that's mother decided to leave out in the cold for way too long. Unfortunately, that too was the wrong Jack Frost, as this one's more like the 1997 one that had 100% less Michael Keaton and 100% more killer snowmen.

We get our big fight scene of the week, as Scrooge rescues Santa by pelting the snowman with his flaming coal, riding a flying reindeer. Which reindeer is it? It's so awesome, nobody really needs to care. With this help, Santa grabs onto the Feliz Navidiamond, slowing down time to the point where it almost seems like time has stopped, and they can just waltz out of the cave with it. In their words, they're running on Christmas time. I should point out that they don't create Christmas, as they refer to it all throughout this flashback, they just create the tradition that happens on Christmas. They don't go further than that, and that's all I will say on that subject. Rule of three dictates that there should be some other monster after this, and...well, let's just say the next enemy Christmas has to face may not be a monster or some animals with abilities beyond regular animals.

As Scrooge leaves to deliver one final Christmas present, telling Webby to keep a present as he's got it, Webby decides to ask one question that's been on her mind: why would Santa do all of this without getting paid? Santa replies that he gets the greatest gift of all, and I jokingly thought this was going to lead to him talking about the Santa Bills that he sends to the children's parents. Of course, that would deter kids from asking for those Disney playsets, so we get a heartwarming speech from Santa about Christmas being about the warmth of the heart one gets from giving gifts. A much better alternative, I'd say, it's a good speech and one fitting for a Christmas special.

There is one major thing in this Christmas origin story that hasn't been brought up yet: how did Santa giving coal to everyone to warm up their homes become only giving coal to the bad children and giving toys to the good children? They really only show the idea of the latter once, with Doofus getting a nasty looking box in his stocking, and even then, it doesn't look like coal.

The next Christmas, Scrooge barges in the door, singing his own version of Jingle Bells involving his favorite practical black rocks, and Santa has a small suggestion to make about Christmas. Instead of just giving out coal, why not bring them a special surprise on Christmas morning: a special gift for free as a promotion for their coal distribution business! Scrooge immediately balks at the idea of giving out handouts. Oh, rich people. This eventually leads to Scrooge getting into a big fight with Santa, and they break up.

This isn't the monster part, as that happens much later in the history of Christmas. In fact, they're remembering it right now, as they find that Santa's sack appears to be still filled with Christmas presents. If those are the presents with all the toys, what did they gave the children? No, not just a practical gift meant to warm people's homes rather than their hearts...

...but a practical gift meant to warm people's homes rather than their hearts and an invoice for it, too! We even fade to Scrooge, making a rather evil grin that feels like it came from another famous Christmas special. He really is a mean one, Mr. Scrooge. Now, being an outright villain may seem a bit out of character for him; he's usually only a villain when he has to play one in a wrestling ring. But, come on, do you expect a guy named Scrooge to be the good guy in a Christmas story, never mind give out handouts? I will say that his evil grin does go against any interpretation that he's doing this for good, as he implies. I mean, he's so much of a Grinch...

...he even has his own Cindy Lou Who named Jennifer, a poor girl in desperate need for anything, including warmth. She even takes this lump of coal he gives her and turns it into a toy. She's that desperate for some warmth in her heart, and no speech from Scrooge about how practical that coal could be to warm her home could change that. It doesn't take a genius to find out if this causes Scrooge's heart to grow three sizes.

To make a long story short, we get another speech from Santa about why he even bothered to have Scrooge help him, and there's even another twist about Santa here that makes this trip just that much more special. The ending is quite clever, too, and it does fit into the family side of the Christmas tradition. Since this is most likely the last DuckTales 2017 Christmas episode, it's a great ending in many ways.

How does it stack up?

I was greatly entertained as this episode arrived, As I humbly give this episode a Scrooge number of five. Now I'll say, to everyone reading this site, Happy holidays to all, and to all a good night.

Well, that's it for now, as DuckTales enters yet another hiatus. In fact, this is the last big review I'll make this year. Have a Slightly Better New Year, because it sure couldn't be worse than this one.

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