#tw; transactional relationship

[terrence-silver]

How would terry silver react if he was just passing by somewhere and overheard his beloved one on the phone talking to someone and saying something like "I don't care about that old man anyway i'm only with him for his money"

Is this Cheyenne Hamidi speaking?

Because, I mean, Terry would be devastated and he immediately thinks back to every business arrangement type of situationship he's ever had that was purely monetary in nature and how it didn't matter then, because there was no pretense of love there, perhaps, only the vague illusion purely for formality's sake, to keep the charade going. But, now? Now, for once, there's actually love involved and he cares so very deeply, only to be hit with this whole 'It's all for the money' bullcrap all over again, effectively being betrayed, with his vulnerabilities and trust dangerously trampled on and what's worse?

Behind his back? He's being talked of, made fun of, behind his back?

It would be pretty hard to describe the sheer level of mental breakdown Terry would have and how much rage, despair, grief and complete and utter helplessness seeps in through his lack of control, rendering him mortally dangerous.

Beloved wants to be a whore for hire? They want this to be transactional? They want him to pull out the 'Nothing's for free' philosophy? Fair enough. Anything for beloved. After an outpouring of violence, it is highly unlikely beloved ever leaves his mansion or his midst again. They'll be kept in a golden cage, on an enviable postal code, in a rich neighborhood, surrounded by all the lavish, material things money can buy, but they will never be rid of him. This is his spite. His punishment. His vendetta. How he copes with the pain and the rage. His heart being absolutely shattered. This will become their prison and they'll become his hole. A hole in a pretty, branded dress he gets to rip off, a hole on a luxurious bed they get to be fucked on, a hole fed the most expensive foods and a hole served the most exuberant drinks and they should be grateful for that too and that he didn't just end them for what they said. They wanted to be treated like a whore. They said so themselves, out of their own mouth, when they thought nobody's likely to hear. So? He'll treat them like a whore in his vindictiveness and toss them a piece of jewelry or diamonds when he's done because it's all for the money anyway, correct? Irony is, none of this would matter to him all that much if he simply didn't care tremendously about the person; but when he does? He could rip them to bloody shreds and put them through unimaginable suffering simply because he hoped --- he invested emotions into his beloved and now they took a big crap all over it, and that deserves revenge. That one phone call overheard costs beloved more than they've ever bargained for and if at all possible, they're never seen again, because Terry effectively keeps them hostage to his whims, his anger, his lust and his pain, and as I always say, it is simply better if they were just some passing sugar baby in a line up of many. They would be spared a lifetime of tears and agony.

But, considering he loves them?

He sees this as a declaration of total war and beloved as his prisoner.

[palismet]

no because it IS in the fact that belos had moments where he was kind to hunter. the gentleness of an almost love. something for him, as well, to hold on to caleb by. even by ghost, by dream, by copy.

hunter asking about the human realm in eclipse lake and shaking his head no to belos' you know i've been there before, have i ever told you that? that instilled curiosity is hunter's through and through: but oh, some piece of him has to feel at home in the human world. some part of him being there like finally, finally, i have been waiting for this, i remember you.

that soft nostalgia in belos' tone. the way hunter softens in the face of it? there had to have been more moments like this. not many, not enough by far, but enough to keep him holding on until the next one. enough to keep working towards. motivation, drive, inspiration.

not just for approval, but for pride, for love.

even if it never comes, there is always, always the chance of it.

and that's enough to keep dreaming by. hoping for. fighting for.

because it has to be. it has to be.

[anakinstwinklebunny]

SUGARDADDY!ANAKIN HEADCANONS

TW: at some point it contains extremely filthy sexual content, so if you're sensitive to that or don't feel comfortable with it, please do not read it for your own safety and comfort. Daddy kink, breast play, praise kink, reader is younger than anakin but she's also off the age! (which means i won't give her specific age, but she's definitely NOT a minor). Lightly relationship with benefits (at first)

Author's note: and he happened to be the rich CEO 🤭

Sugardaddy!Anakin who is at the restaurant for a high-stakes business meeting with some important clients. He’s there to close a deal, his mind fully focused on the negotiations, but the moment he spots you, his attention falters. You’re the one serving his table, and despite the chaos of the busy restaurant, he can’t take his eyes off you. Your charm, your smile, the way you carry yourself—it’s all incredibly enticing to him. He’s captivated by the way you interact with customers, maintaining grace under pressure. After the meeting, Anakin leaves an exorbitant tip, much larger than necessary. Along with it, there’s a business card with just his name and number, a subtle but unmistakable invitation for you to contact him.

Sugardaddy!Anakin who, after you muster the courage to text him, he invites you out for coffee, a subtle test to see if you’re interested. He’s direct but not pushy when he suggests an arrangement—offering financial support in exchange for your company. At first it surprises you, since it's uncommon for you to gain interest from older men..but, he was polite, very polite (you couldn't help but compare him to guys your age). Seemed like a true gentleman with specific needs you were suggested to fullfil

Sugardaddy!Anakin who makes it clear that he’s not interested in just a transactional relationship. He wants to spoil you, yes, but he also craves your genuine presence, your wit, and your warmth.

Sugardaddy!Anakin who made you sign NDA before any further actions. And after that, the first few dates involved extravagant dinners at the most exclusive restaurants, shopping trips where he insists you pick out anything you like, and even trips to luxurious resorts. He loves seeing you adorned in the finest things that his wealth can buy.

Sugardaddy!Anakin who, despite his powerful position, Anakin values privacy and keeps your relationship under wraps. He’s protective of you, not wanting the media or his corporate world to interfere.

Sugardaddy!Anakin who often sends his private driver to pick you up, whether it’s for a date or just to bring you to his penthouse after a long day. He makes sure you’re always comfortable and safe.

Sugardaddy!Anakin who has a soft spot for you that his colleagues would be shocked to see. He’s attentive to your needs, whether it’s something simple like remembering your favorite coffee order or something more intimate, like understanding when you need space or affection.

Sugardaddy!Anakin who is fiercely protective

Sugardaddy!Anakin who takes a genuine interest in your ambitions and goals. Whether you’re in school, pursuing a career, or exploring new hobbies, he’s there to support you—financially and emotionally. He offers advice, mentorship, and even opportunities within his vast business empire.

What starts as a sugar daddy arrangement quickly grows into something deeper. Anakin finds himself genuinely falling for you. The way you challenge him, care for him, and bring a sense of normalcy to his chaotic life makes you more than just a 'sugar baby'

Sugardaddy!Anakin who, the stoic CEO, surprises himself with how open he becomes with you. He shares his fears, his past, and his hopes for the future. You’re the only one who gets to see the man behind the powerful exterior.

Sugardaddy!Anakin who doesn't mind age gap although, when you're sometimes showing him something he has no idea what it is (like social media and stuff). So he's kind of a boomer..just a tiny bit..

Sugardaddy!Anakin who takes you on spontaneous trips to the most exotic destinations. Private jets, luxury yachts, and five-star hotels are the norm. He loves the idea of you experiencing the best life has to offer, especially when you’re together

Sugardaddy!Anakin who often works late into the night, but he makes time to talk to you before bed (sometimes it'd be a call but sometimes it'd be a small talk face-to-face);

He sighed as the door clicked shut behind him, the exhaustion of the day slipping through him as he loosened his tie and rolled up his sleeves. Despite the fatigue, the thought of coming home to you brought a sense of peace. “How’s my favorite girl doing?” he asked softly, tilting your chin up after walking into the living room.

“I’m alright… just dying to get some sleep,” you murmured with soft voice.

A smile tugged at his lips as he took you in—curled up on the couch, wearing one of his oversized shirts that nearly swallowed you whole. The sight was enough to erase any lingering stress. “Poor girl,” he whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. “Sorry I’m so late.”

“S’okay…” your eyes heavy with sleep.

“Let’s get you to bed,” he murmured, his arms slipping around your waist to lift you effortlessly. With your legs wrapped around his waist, your face snuggled to his shoulder z he couldn’t help but notice how precious and absolutely beautiful you looked, wrapped in his shirt, with no make-up on. It was a simple moment yet with you in his arms, nothing else mattered.

Sugardaddy!Anakin who is attentive and loves to make you feel special in every way. He’s dominant yet caring (so it makes him a soft dom), always ensuring your needs are met. So the intimacy between you two is intense;

you'd had sex almost daily over the last two months but you, nor him, would never initiated it in half-public before. It wasn't something you'd do, you were more of a private person however...the slight possibility that the driver could glance in the mirror and see you sent a strange thrill cursing down your stomach..

Well, you live once..

It wasn't your first time giving Anakin a blowjob, yet, you still couldn't fully get used to how big he was. How thick and long.

With your watery eyes, you whimpered, tasting the salty sweetness of him before swirling your tongue around his head. Slowly, softly at first, as if checking the territory, them you did it with more confidence, falling into the rhythm of just sucking, licking and bobbing till you were soaked

It shouldn't turn you on like it did. But yet, the feeling of his member filling your mouth, his large hand sank in your hair, his soft groans and whimpers made you twist yourself in pleasure.

Your eyes watery, your underwear wet, your nipples hard and this sensitive skin that burned with never ending fire for this man made you completely forgot how you got here, where you are or even where you're supposed to go

"That's right baby..take every inch like a good girl.." the words slipped through his lightly opened mouth in a moan

He grips your ass cheeks tightly, spreading them apart to get a better angle as he thrusts into you from behind. "Look at this ass, baby...so fucking perfect... gonna fucking own this ass..." He growls, his hands moving to slap your right cheek hard.

You were a mess; holding for dear life to the kitchen counter with nothing but moans leaving your mouth. Not even your eyes could stay open anymore, as they rolled or closed automatically in the feeling

He hisses through his teeth as he feels your squishy walls clench around him, gripping him tightly "That's it, baby...take it all...You're being such a good girl..." h his hands moved to grip your hips tightly as he continues to thrust with more intensity, the sound of flesh slapping against flesh filling the kitchen.

Sugardaddy!Anakin who loves having you ride him;

His fingers dug into your hips, encouraging you to set a faster pace as his own hips lifted to meet yours, the two of you falling into a rhythm. "just like that, baby...you look so good on top of me"

"yeah?" You whimper out, feeling like going crazy with his member deep inside you

His hands slide up your waist to your breasts, cupping them gently as he praises you. "Definitely..riding me like a real cowgirl.."

your mouth opened to let a moan escape your lips and, to feel more, you sped up a little bit

He grins wickedly up at you, his hips bucking upwards to meet yours while he toys with your peaks "You like that, baby? Like daddy playing with your pretty little toys?"

"love it" your mouth lightly opened in pleasure

"Good girl...gosh..could stay buried inside of you forever." Anakin lets out a groan, his eyes rolling back as the feeling of you sinking down onto him once more and it suddenly gets too much to bear. "Fuck, baby...you feel so good...such an eager girl to please me..keep that pace, baby...want to watch you fall apart on top of me"

Sugardaddy!Anakin who loves when you visit him at the office, especially after hours when most of his employees went home

Sugardaddy!Anakin who even if makes love to you a bit roughly sometimes, he can for sure be very gentle;

He slowly enters you, his touch gentle as he cups your face tenderly. "gonna go nice and slow, alright?" He whispers softly, his hips moving in a gentle rhythm. "if you wanna stop just say the word.."

"okay" you whimper

He enters you inch by inch, his touch gentle as he kisses you passionately. "You're so tight, baby...feels so good..." his pace slow and gentle. He leans down and kisses you slowly as if you were a ceramic doll he was scared to break "my beautiful girl.. doing so good for me"

your warmth enveloped his senses and it only made him more crazy for you. You just seemed so perfect to him. Even your flaws were something he deeply cherished, found captivating, irresistible

"you okay, baby?" He whispers softly, his voice laced with autonomical concern. "wanna go slower?"

"yes, please" you whisper-moan

He slows down even more, his movements almost imperceptible as he carefully makes love to you. "there we go...so slow and gentle...just for you, baby..." He leans down to kiss your neck softly, his breath warm against your skin. "love you so much, you know? Gosh, could do anything for you.. you have me wrapped around your finger.."

Sugardaddy!Anakin who has a particular obsession with lingerie. He frequently buys you the most luxurious pieces—silk, lace, and satin—in colors he knows you look stunning in. Seeing you dressed up in something he chose just for you ignites a fire in him, and he loves taking his time to remove each piece, savoring the reveal of your body

Sugardaddy!Anakin who has a possessive streak, and it shows in how he wants to leave marks on you—not just hickeys, but subtle reminders that you belong to him. He’ll trace his fingers over the marks later, a satisfied smirk on his face as he sees the evidence of your passion..but stil..;

He was laying on his side with his arm wrapped securely around your waist, holding you close as if you might slip away in the night. You were slowly drifting off to sleep, in comparison to anakin, whose sleep eluded him. He lay there quietly, his eyes tracing the familiar curves of your body in the darkness, as if rediscovering them for the first time.

His gaze lingered on the spots where his touches had left their mark. Faint hickeys dotted your upper thighs and hips, and a few more adorned your neck and collarbone. He couldn’t help but admire the evidence of his desire for you, the way he’d claimed your body as his own. The possessive satisfaction he felt was undeniable, yet there was also a tender need to ensure that his passion hadn’t caused you any pain.

"Does it hurt?" he whispered, his voice barely audible in the quiet room.

"No... I'm fine," you murmured half-asleep

"You sure?" His fingers brushed over one of the darker marks, tracing gentle circles on the sensitive skin of your hip.

"Mhm... it's nothing serious"

He hummed in acknowledgment, though the worry still lingered. He couldn't shake the need to make sure you were truly okay. His hand slowly moved up to gently push your hair aside, exposing the smooth skin of your neck and shoulder. Leaning in, he nuzzled his face into the curve of your neck, his lips brushing against the tender spot he had marked earlier. "Sorry," he whispered, his voice a mix of apology and affection

"It's okay, really" you whispered back, your hand finding its way into his messy curls. Your fingers gently stroking through them as if to soothe both him and yourself.

He pressed another soft kiss to your skin, letting his lips linger against it. The warmth of your body, the steady rise and fall of your chest, and the feel of your hand in his hair finally began to ease his mind. Holding you close, he let the lingering guilt fade, quickly replacing it by the comforting knowledge that you were safe and okay

Sugardaddy!Anakin who enjoys the thrill of teasing you in public settings, knowing you have to keep your composure. A subtle hand on your thigh under the dinner table, his fingers tracing dangerously close to your inner thigh, or whispering in your ear about what he plans to do to you later, all heighten the anticipation for when you’re finally alone.

Sugardaddy!Anakin who, over time, begins to consider a more permanent relationship with you. He starts dropping hints about you moving in, or even starting a family someday.

Sugardaddy!Anakin who's definitely into some roleplay (but mostly you surprise him with them)

Sugardaddy!Anakin who is open to exploring new things in the bedroom, and he enjoys introducing toys into your sex life. Whether it’s a silk blindfold, a vibrator, or even some light bondage, he knows exactly how to push your boundaries while making you feel safe and loved.

Sugardaddy!Anakin who, despite his dominant and sometimes intense nature, Anakin is always attentive to your needs afterward. He makes sure you’re comfortable, bringing you water, wrapping you in soft blankets, and holding you close. His fingers gently stroke your hair as he whispers sweet words, grounding you after an intense session.

Sugardaddy!Anakin who's more of a type of guy to send you flowers when he's out for business trip or etc

Sugardaddy!Anakin who has a habit of giving you jewelry that symbolizes his ownership. A necklace with his initials, a bracelet that matches his watch

Sugardaddy!Anakin who loves playing with your breasts;

"Dirty little thing, aren't you? You just love when daddy plays with your big tits, hmm?" his fingers pinching and rolling your nipples

"Mhm.." you lightly wriggled on his lap, feeling the well known hardness poking between your legs

"And you're mine, aren't you, love? This beautiful girl wouldn't leave me, now would you angel?"

Sugardaddy!Anakin who had an actual conversation with you about taking things more seriously, if you even wanted. And soon later he proposed to you

TAG LIST: @kingdomhate @divineani @erosmutt @haydensprettyprincess @mistress-amidala @catnipaddictt @heartscone @haydensbbg @inneedsoffanfics @jediavengers @literally-izzy @anisluvrgirl @fuckmyskywalker @slutforfinnickodair

(if you want to be removed or added then don't be shy and let me know 💋)

[snoringkitty1]

Aventurine boyfriend Headcanons

TW: Fluff, not proofread, Mildly suggestive content. Enjoy <3

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡.•

Aventurine at the beginning of your relationship is a flirty bastard, he'll tease you to high hell and leave you high and dry for his own amusement.

There is 0 initial affection, he's only in it for his entertainment or because he has something to gamble or get from you.

Kisses you with his eyes open, atleast at the start.

But gradually, when you realizes you won't be leaving because of his lack of effort, he might just soften up and start to let his guard down a little.

Though of course this is after a while, but you'll start to see the more vulnerable and faint side to him.

He'll become more affectionate gradually the more he begins to trust you with his feelings, though, it still might take a while. Patience is key.

He's still flirty no doubt, but now there's actually feelings and meaning to his words, and they aren't bluffs anymore.

His sense of fashion may or may not rub off on you..aka he forces you to wear matching clothes, it makes him feel special.

"Do i really need to where this..? Matching outfits are so tacky." You grumbled and adjusted the hat on your head before sighing and taking it off, running your fingers along the rim and raising a brow. "Well, you don't need to, but i would love you more if you did." He joked and fixed a few details on your jacket before taking the hat from your hands and setting it on your head. "You don't love me enough already?" You pouted and looked up at him. He smiled and shook his head, pulling you close for a kiss, his hands holding tight onto your waist as he trapped you in a kiss. "I love you~" He cooed softly and leaned back, "Some matching clothes won't change that." he assured and rubbed your cheek before stepping back and putting his hands in his pockets, "now~ shall we?"

The king of shopping dates, if you don't like shopping though, then the two of you will probably be having at home dates most of the time.

But don't think for a second he isn't buying the most delectable (and expensive) food he can find, because to him, if its clothes, food, hair, nails, you name it. He thinks you're a worthy investment (he just likes to spend money on you.)

Speaking of giving presents, thats simply his love language, because i reckon he feels like if he gives enough, then he won't have to worry about you leaving him.

That being said, he'll need a bunch of reassurance to stop giving random super expensive presents. He'll still give you some regardless but he'll tone it down significantly.

He comes off as the kind of guy who only gives or takes longer kisses, to me atleast.

He might use this to his advantage if he perhaps gets jealous, which i think happens pretty often.

But i think there's also a chance of him just absolutely demolishing you once you two are home behind closed doors.

Switch energy, but can and will top when he feels like it.

He'll let you decide the pace though, he doesn't want intimate moments to feel transactional.

Afterwards, i Dunno i feel like he'd just fall asleep with you, then take of you the next morning.

You rolled away onto your stomach..or tried to, the tight grip of a certain blonde kept you from moving too far away. When you let out an uncomfortable grunt though, Aventurine was quick to let go and sit up to check on you. You opened your eyes and looked up at him, smiling a little before closing them again, "I'm fine, i'm fine.." you mumbled softly, but that didn't deter him. He leaned down and kissed your cheek before getting up, you opened your eyes and sat up on your elbows to watch him, he disappeared into the closet briefly and returned with one of his shirts. "Here you go Darling~" he cooed softly and held the shirt out from you, his messy bed head framed his face nicely. "ah..thank you-" you smiled and put it on before flopping back again. "Anything else i can get you? I can order food, or make bre-" He paused when you pulled him close all of a sudden. "Just cuddle with me for a little bit.." You muttered softly, and He nodded, pulling you close again..and like that, you two were cozy and asleep in minutes.

Thanks for reading.

[aloesarchives]

Toji Fushiguro General/Relationship Headcanons #1

TW/Warnings: Profanity, Domesticity, AFAB/Female Reader, the talks of starting a family, little bit of married life (LMK if anything else needs to be tagged)

Pairing: Toji Fushiguro x Fem!Reader

Pronouns: She/Her (Usage of female gendered terms like Sweet Girl, Woman, Princess)

Word Count: 6.6k words

So these head canons exist for all versions of Toji that I write. However, these are more based around Modern/Non-Sorcerer Au and my personal ‘Toji Lives’ Au. But these are also stand alone because they are some general stuff I think about for Toji in general and his relationship with reader. I’m doing a separate head canons where it’s mainly family/domestic fluff with Megumi and Tsumiki. Maybe making more parts if I have more head canons.

Also, I'm starting to plan out the parts for my Toji x Reader/Megumi x Reader mini series. I'll release a google form for those who are interested in the mini series and another one for the continuations of my Suguru x Reader/Satoru x Reader one-shot. So stay tune for any updates in the upcoming weeks!

!!Not proofread and unedited!! 2/22/24 11:26 pm CST

One thing’s more certain, when you first met Toji, you didn’t fall in love right away. Your relationship with Toji was something gradual, building up over time as you kept running into him. 

One of your most notable encounters happened in the grocery store you always go to and see him at. Your fridge was getting empty as per usual so you came today to fully stock it. As you were nearing the end of your trip, you stopped by the meat section to grab some meat for tonight’s dinner. Normally, you prefer your local butcher’s but they were on vacation so this would have to do. As you were going to reach for one, another hand reached for the same one, a much larger hand. You quickly retracted and apologized to the individual when you saw Toji smirking at you. The two of you talked for a bit before your eyes wandered towards his basket. It had barely anything in it, to you at least. There were some canned drinks, minimal vegetables, a bag of chips, like a loaf of bread.

“Are you picking some things for your pantry, Toji?”

“Nah, this is my food.”

“For today?”

“For this week.”

You stand there absolutely stunned. By the looks of his nonchalant expression, he was not joking. You didn’t want to ask him if this is how much he can afford to not make him feel embarrassed. So you invited him to your place for dinner and to cook for him. Toji's insistence on declining was strong, but your persistence for him to eat was even stronger. Adding Toji’s grocery and paying for everything. Toji carries the groceries to your place and you both enjoy a warm filling meal for him. The man had never eaten so good before he fell asleep on your sofa right after. The next day, he woke up around 10 am to the sound of you washing dishes. He sees breakfast for two on the table and a large bag sitting on the counter. You tell him to join you and you both enjoy your breakfast. While cleaning up, Toji asks what’s the big bag for and you said it’s for him. You cooked him a week worth of food because you knew he didn't have time or energy. So you handed it to him as he’s leaving, telling him to come back anytime for a good meal. As soon as your front door closes, he’s just standing there trying to understand what just happened. His heart is swelling at your gesture, his face ablaze with a heavy blush, wondering why he is feeling this way for you. And Toji makes the horrific realization that he’s falling for you and it won’t stop there.

Most likely you have to initiate the first hangout because the man is clueless when it comes to interactions, specifically with women in a non-flirtatious/transactional way. He started to like you because you weren’t handsy with him or led the conversation to something else. You were interesting because your interactions were real with no other intentions besides talking to him. You’ll admit he’s hot but won’t say it out loud because you don’t want to say something uncomfortable or overstep your boundaries. 

Your hangouts consist of eating at those family-owned restaurants or hidden gems, the food’s good with a good price. Walking around or in a park, maybe hiking if you’re even interested. He doesn’t have money to take you out properly but you aren’t someone who’s into high-end or fancy places because they’re a waste of money in your opinion. You find inexpensive ways to spend time with Toji and it’s fun for you because you don’t have to worry about his expectations because he’s having fun too.

The more he sees and spends time with you, the more he values your company. He starts smiling more and is in a better mood than all his years alive. He definitely isn’t energetic but he isn’t as robotic as he used to be before meeting you. Shui notices this but doesn’t say anything to Toji because he thought he was overthinking things. But when Toji asks him how do you know you’re in love, Shui thought Toji legit went insane. Toji doesn’t want to talk about it but he doesn’t know who the hell to ask so Shui is his closest bet. He asks Toji who got him acting up and Toji shows him a picture of you and he asks Toji if he kidnapped you because he didn’t know he could pull an absolute unit of a woman. And Toji replies “I don’t know man, I don’t even know myself.” Shui is lowkey happy Toji has you. He is fully aware Toji doesn’t have the best background but it’s clear as day you being around him is changing him for the better, undoubtingly saving him.

Toji doesn’t have the best living conditions, he lives by himself in a rundown studio apartment that only had a basic kitchen, a bathroom, and main space that doubled as the living and bedroom. He barely had anything in his apartment other than a futon, a closet, and a table. Got some trash lying around because he doesn’t bother to pick it up. Apartment smells like the back of the house kitchen at a restaurant mixed with the boys locker room in high school. You offered to help clean up. Trash bags full of trash and used cleaning wipes, laundry done and fresh, every surface wiped clean. By the time it was done, his apartment looked brand new. You wouldn’t be surprised that it was trashed again but at least it was clean for once. After your help, Toji becomes a little conscious of his space and cleans it. But this turns into him not using that space because he’s always at your place.

Toji has a habit of ghosting/disappearing without notice. You’re seeing him at the supermarket, next he’ll be gone for like a month or so. Since you really don’t have his phone number, you can’t contact him but it’s not like you two were friends let alone dating at this point. You say it is what it is until one stormy night you heard a hard knock on the door. The next thing you see is Toji, two duffel bags, a cut above his eyebrow while being soaked. You shoved him inside, gave him a towel while patching him, drying his clothes while he changed in your guest bedroom. 

Toji lives with you and split the house chores. But since you’re technically the one with a consistent income and job, you mostly are away from the house and Toji is 90% at home. You do grocery shopping or errands before and after work while Toji holds down the fort. It's been a rough few weeks with him but there was progress. And it was good progress.

You find out pretty fast how Toji’s terrible spending habits and crippling gambling addiction. Luckily for you, you have your own bank account so you don’t have to worry about the man stealing your money. However, you do force Toji to give his paycheck from his inconsistent but very high paying jobs. Literally one of his checks had a value of $30 Million Yen! You cashed it in your account so fast and paid all your bills and groceries off for a minimum of 3 months. It never struck why Toji doesn’t see that as much money but you come to learn that his clan is a prominent one with a substantial amount of wealth so that amount doesn’t surprise him. But still, you told him you’re permanently in charge of the finances because you don’t trust him handling any money. Strangely enough, he doesn’t protest at your rule and now whenever he’s done with a job, he instantly gives his cheek to you. You do give Toji some personal spending cash besides for food and necessities, then eventually a card that’s attached to your bank account. But it’s not a joint account but a card that has access to your account. His card has a spending limit to the equivalent of 67.7k yen(roughly $475 dollars) every month. He CAN withdraw money but you are notified through your bank’s notifications when, where, and how much. Even though you two are balling because of his cheeks, you don’t get carried away with the spending because life in the city is too fucking expensive and you need all the money you can get. Plus, you don’t want to raise any suspicion because you’re pretty sure Toji’s money is blood money or from the black-market and you don’t want to draw a lot of attention for your own safety.

Toji only knew how to cook the basics but nothing over the top or fancy. But once he starts living with you, he starts learning how to cook and for all things under the sun it’s fucking immaculate. Toji’s cooking just tests better to the point you assign him on cooking duties since he cooks better and faster than you. Your co-workers are always envious every time they see your lunch. It’s something different everyday but it’s delicious and filling but not the kind that makes you lethargic. It’s so fucking good that you two don’t eat out as much because his cooking has evolved to peak gourmet. Lowkey is happy you like his cooking and it gives him motivation to continue his work if it puts you in a good mood.

Which brings up another point. I believe Toji is capable of gaining multiple useful skills, it’s just he’s unmotivated. Like he could be good at changing tires, plumbing, handy-man work, cooking, any installation, anything under the sun, but he chooses not to because he doesn’t feel obligated to do so. But it all changes when he starts living with you. Man becomes a jack of all trades and he basically makes life easier because you have him fix/do what needs to be done all the while you’re saving money. He’s a fast learner too. Pretty much once he does it the first time and it works without breaking/doesn’t turn out like shit, it’s locked in his head and knows how to fucking do it.

Initially, Toji is lazy because he is a go with the flow type of guy that doesn’t concern himself with appearances. If it’s livable, not rotting, and doesn’t smell rancid, he’s not going to touch it or bother picking it up. That’s why his apartment was a mess because he’s able to live in those conditions because they’re his own, that's not a thorn in his side. Like he’ll leave his clothes by but not near the hamper because he’ll eventually pick them up when it’s laundry day(you end up picking it up but you started to trip over them while in the bathroom). But you establish a routine for Toji to follow. He doesn’t have to follow it exactly but you said there should be at least 4 main components to it. Literally forcing Toji to pick up habits so he’ll be more productive and conscious of his time. 

Took some time but he eventually attaches to it because it mostly revolves around your schedule. It got to a point where he would be waking you up for your work, getting you your morning drink and a decent breakfast, getting your work bag with your lunch inside, all the while getting you out on time. If not, 5 minutes early so you can be on time for work. I can imagine him saying stuff along the lines of:

“Shakes your shoulders firmly (Y/N), Wake the hell up. You slept through your alarm and it fucking woke me up. You gotta get out of the door in 30 minutes or you’re going to be stuck in traffic, dumbass.”

“Oi (Y/N), it’s 6:00 am. You have 15 minutes to get your ass up and get ready for your work. Before 6:20, you better have your work clothes on when you come into the kitchen because I already made your breakfast.”

“I’m trying to get you out of the door early so you can catch the early train and beat the morning rush. Here’s your lunch and your work bag. Make sure you have everything because I’m not going to bring it to your work if you ask me to.” (He does anyway)

“Hey, it’s going to rain hard later so here’s your umbrella cause I don’t you to fucking sick knowing how you get careless with yourself some times. Pain in my ass…”

So you kinda tamed Toji, this wandering stray cat that was 6’2 and built like a concrete pillar. But you didn’t make it your whole personality trait because 1.) you think it’s pretty fucked up to think helping Toji/people like him is more of a project than genuine compassion. 2.) And you roll your eyes when people say you ‘“fixed” Toji. You just say “Um, no? No I didn’t, Toji picked himself up and changed because he decided to. Not because I FIXED him or him changing isn’t my doing because you be surprised by the amount of people that stay the same because they chose to.” Another reason why Toji fell for you is because you see Toji as a whole human with flaws, you humanized him. You don’t parade him around like some sort of object, you acknowledge his presence and it makes him fall in love with you even more.

Definitely have arguments for sure early on that were rougher compared to being together for a while. Again, this is mostly due to him growing up and being treated as sub-human. He’s vocal not because he chooses not to communicate. But because he doesn’t know how, especially with you, his safe person and your home being his safe space. He was used to being neglected, dismissed or straight up abused altogether. But now that he’s living with you, he’s trying to dismantle his old mindset while learning how to communicate/vocalize his thoughts. He feels he’s unworthy of you because you have an immense amount of patience and understanding for him. Sure, there are your flaws but so does he and he knows living with someone like him is harder than anything else. So he’s appreciative of your efforts and faith in him.

He knows he has a loud voice and is careful when he loses his temper. Obviously for noise complaints but also for because it can be startling and scare you. God, one time you both almost got into a yelling match because of something miniscule and irrelevant but it transformed into something deeper that you didn’t know why you two were fighting about it in the first place. But the way he snapped at you and you unconsciously flinched at him, his heart felt heavy and cracking. He never saw you scared before but the thought of him being one of your fears terrified him immensely. He softens himself and deflates his body to show the surrender of his pride. He ACTUALLY genuinely apologies to you and opens his arms out so you could hug him.

Most of the arguments are just you being frustrated with him. Mostly this was early on with his lack of routine and productive habits, like him not picking up his clothes and leaving his cups everywhere. But Toji is one of those passive guys where he doesn’t like arguing with you and wants to end it asap. Even if he’s not in the wrong, he’ll just admit and apologize to you so you aren’t mad at him anymore. He doesn’t like it when you’re mad at him. Sometimes it can escalate to heated ones but those happen rarely and only exist when something snowballs. He may give an attitude here and there but you mostly know that’s him being himself and he doesn’t mean it.

Your relationship didn’t have a definitive label but the lines are blurred between the two of you. You two hug and hold hands sometimes but it’s more than platonic but not enough for love either. Through large and tight crowds, Toji lets you hold onto his arm , has his hand firmly pressed on the small of your back, or holds your hand tightly as he makes his way through. It’s common for you two to be passed out on the couch together or on the floor after watching a movie or a show. Or how he leans his head on yours when on the train, even carrying you home if you fell asleep and doesn’t have the heart to wake you up because you're tired from work. What you have with Toji is nice and comfortable but you do end up loving him because he makes your life warm and worth living. You just don’t know if he’ll feel the same. Oh but he does, he fucking does. But he doesn’t know how to say the three magical words because he never heard them at all when he was growing up. Let alone someone saying it to him.

You definitely say I love you first before him. Because let’s be honest, this man never knew what the hell ‘love’ or true love is. This man grew up in a traditional family that prioritized status, reputation, influence, and anything under that umbrella for traditionalism. So love was never an important aspect of his clan. So for you to show him the true wonders of love and its ups and downs, he’s overwhelmed and a little ashamed because he’s trying to adjust and get used to this feeling. He isn’t a fairly vocal man but he’ll forever be grateful for your patience, kindness, compassion, and understanding towards someone like him. He freezes when he hears you say it to him with such tenderness and warmth only you could give him. You know he’s not ready to say it back but you couldn’t help but tell him because it needed to be put out there for both him and you. You told him he doesn’t have to say it if he’s not ready or doesn’t feel the same. But you also said that you truly only care for and love him only.

But when he said “I Love You” to you, you knew he meant it with all his heart. You could remember it clearly because it was storming with heavy rains. Flash flood warnings are being sent out and weather channels are telling citizens to stay indoors and not leave their homes. Toji has been trying to call you for the past hour but you never picked up. His anxiety was rising, fearing you were stuck or possibly hurt. He says fuck it and grabs his jacket to go out when you open the door just as he was about to leave. Your clothes were wet but not soaked but you held your shoes in your hand while dropping your umbrella and bag on the floor. You tried to explain to Toji that your phone died at work before you could ever call him. There was a flooded street and so you had to take your shoes off to not get them ruined. You did grab him some food though beforehand but that didn’t matter to him when he saw that you were safe and unharmed. He hugged so tightly through your wet clothes when he said the fabled words to you. 

“Goddammit, I fucking love you, (Y/N). I was so fucking worried about you. I thought you were in trouble or something, Sweet girl. .  .”

You started to cry when you heard him say that you kissed him on the lips by impulse. You thought you fucked up and try to apologize only for him to return your kiss with his only while you hold his face and his hands on your waist. Fuck it was beautiful.

Pretty much after that, you both were in the trenches of love with each other. Fuck it’s so tooth-rotting to see it that Shui jokes and teases the hell out of Toji because that man changes his whole demeanor when you call him. He calls him out on how his voice changes from its usual monotone gruffness to low but soft. Toji tells Shui, “I’m a changed man.”

People are so jealous of you two. How the hell did Toji bag you!? The most ethereal, beautiful, compassionate, kind, funny, and respectable woman?! And how lucky did you get finding such a fine specimen of a man?! 

Toji’s pronouns are literally HE/HIM because Toji is HIM while you’re the IT girl with the one of your pronouns being SHE/HER because you are HER FOR REAL ON GOD.

You two are the IT couple, I don’t make the fucking rules. There’s you being the best version of yourself and you unapologetically. Then there’s Toji who’s hot AS FUCK and following his favorite girl around because you’re the only girl for him, BEST GIRL. He is just there but with you nevertheless.

You’re the couple people make those cool edits of, I’m not even joking.

Knows how to drive both automatic and manual but as an automatic cause because of you. You are on permanent passenger princess duty because this man is your chauffeur until he dies or has no legs. Drives with one hand on the wheel and the other is either on the gearshift, your hand, or your thigh. Looks hot every time he turns or reverses because his biceps show themselves and it’s dangerous for you because it makes you feral.

IDK if it’s just me but Toji seems like the guy to buy a whole rotisserie chicken just for himself. He’ll buy one for you, of course. But one of those bad boys is his because he’s not sharing! After a workout or work, he’ll eat it with no signs of meat left on the bones. They’re so clean he even eats the cartilage.

Toji seems like one of those individuals that looks full grown when he’s younger like in his early 20’s and just stops aging altogether. Not like his entire appearance stays the same, it's just his genetic game is so strong and good people believe he's like 25 when he’s actually in his mid to late 40’s. You and him are like cheese and wine. Both perfectly paired together, and the aging is unnoticeable but you both taste divine.

His closet is the most basic and uncomplicated. T-shirts, undershirts, sweaters, hoodies, joggers, sweatpants, maybe one pair of black cargo pants but that’s about it. He always wears sweaters or hoodies when he’s out because he lowkey doesn’t like to be stared at unless it’s you. He knows his compression shirts would make people drool so he opts out of showing up in them unless it’s super hot or he’s too lazy to cover up. Toji definitely would wear those oversized Uniqlo t-shirts for men. He has the black, dark green, and dark blue ones. Fucking never leaves the house with his fucking sandals or black kung-fu slippers. You buy a pair of black Air Force 1’s, Vintage Black Arizona Grip Birkenstocks, and some Doc Martin black leather boots(1460 Smooth Leather Lace Up Boots). You had to up his shoe game because there is no way you’re letting him only have two pairs that are very worn out.

People think he isn’t all that because he’s chill and uncaring most of the time. In reality, Toji knows how to tap into his inner dawg like a switch. He’s really good at hiding it and not making it obvious. But like then snap! He summons his inner dawg and menacing aura. You could be talking to someone unaware that is staring them down. You smile at him and his aura changes so fast as he smiles at you in return. But as soon as you turn away to continue talking to the person, the menacing aura just returns. His aura is so intimidating and menace-like that people genuinely grow anxious and fearful. So much so that they could piss/shit themselves or even throw up if they didn’t have a strong will.

Personally, Toji is more of a German Shepherd boyfriend than a black cat boyfriend. IDK, it just makes sense to me. Like he talks and isn’t hostile to people he knows like you and Shui, literally the only two people in his life that he’s close with. But everyone else, he either hates them or doesn’t give a single care in the world. 

I also personally think Toji isn’t stupid and he's actually intelligent. I think his past issues and how he was treated is the reason he seems like an incompetent person. But really, he’s pretty smart. I know this doesn’t involve the canon but the fact Toji knew which weapons to use on Satoru, beating Suguru with an inch of his life but not killing because he knows what Suguru’s technique can do if he does, and the whole plan with the bounty on Riko was pretty genius. Look, I’m not trying to vouch for him for what he did. But you can’t help but admit what Toji did was impressive. He worked smarter, not harder compared to other people. Especially letting the curse user do all the work for him while he gets to deal with the easy part and go in for the kill. The man came prepared to get the job done. I mean I would too if there was $30 million yen on the line. Sure, he’ll forget to pick up on some social cues. But once the man locks in, he'll be the most observant and perspective person in the room and he’ll learn something about someone just by their body language and simple mannerisms. 

Not sure if this is confirmed or not by Gege but I read someone where that Toji is into philosophical conversations. But I can see because, again, he’s intelligent and has seen/learned a lot of stuff from his hits/jobs. Toji isn’t one of those smartasses that you experience in those advanced classes. He’ll earnestly speak his mind if you ask and what you have to see. He always finds it interesting hearing things from your point of view and I feel like this is one of the ways you two grew close to one another.

You two got married because you just popped the question to him and said yes. You two didn’t have rings at the time but he did buy you the one you wanted but the band had some black on it. His was a solid black wedding band to match yours. Up close, it looks pretty cool. He bought the rings because he asked Shui for any hits/“jobs” that were available on such short notice after you two got married. A week later, Shui notices it and asks him if he finally tied the knot with you. Toji just nods.

Took your last name then both of you decided to add another last name, deciding on Fushiguro. King shit right here. Not afraid or ashamed he took your last name as a middle finger to his clan.

This isn’t a Toji head canon but I can see Shui being a bro and giving Toji consistently well-paying hits/“jobs” because he knows how much you mean to Toji and Toji has to provide for you too. You both would be sleeping and Toji hears a notification go off and knows Shui sent him a job that will be done by tomorrow afternoon.

Routine wise, nothing changes between the two of you. However, Toji is more open and affectionate with you. Especially with nicknames, he rarely uses your real name at home. God, when he calls your names of endearment, you’re going to fucking explode from how deep and gentle voice gets calling out to you. 

He also loves hugging you from behind and having you in his arms. Definitely gives good hugs, they give the right amount of squeeze but are so warm and protective. Is more daring with his kisses, would steal a kiss whenever he gets the chance.

Toji is the type to sleep the closest to the bedroom door. Doesn’t matter where the door is, your body is always in front of him. Just in case something happens, he can/will protect you and he can use his body as a shield to protect you.

Unironically a good listener, legit has a good hearing canonly in reality. He just carries his resting nonchalant face all the time. He could be focused on something or not looking your way, but Toji is listening to you speak and will recite your words right back at you if you think he is. This also helps if you’re someone who tends to forget things or need reminders. He’ll tell you what you were supposed to do 5 minutes ago word for word if you ask him.

Sleeps in his boxers only. Might sleep in a shirt and sweatpants when it’s colder. But Toji’s body mass produces enough heat to be a furnace that you both only sleep with one blanket. He’s always warm. If you get cold hands, fear not because they’ll be warm in five seconds if you place them on Toji’s abs.

Fairly possessive to an extent. It’s usually blended in with protectiveness because one can bleed into another. Like he’ll let you to your own devices but isn’t going to whine if you have guy friends. Toji can read between the lines, he has really good social cues. But he’ll straight up tell you he doesn’t like your male friends/co-workers if they are interested in you romantically. You’re his girl, he wants people to know it. But he would literally kill for you and bring the Heavens to their knees just to keep you safe and protected. Would literally take the fall for you in anything, you can’t change my mind on that. Toji: “Your honor, my girl did nothing wrong. It was self-defense.” 

Toji has self-esteem issues for sure. You could have anyone in the whole world, anyone in this lifetime. But you choose him, and always chose him. The amount of times Toji had to get/do something while you wait for him only to come back to see a random-ass guy talking and trying to get your number. His heart would squeeze at the scene because he wouldn’t blame you for going for someone better. But when he sees you say “Sorry to break it to you, but I’m with my boyfriend and he should be back any second now.” Seeing your eyes scan for him and the way your face lights up seeing him made his heart inflate, making the squeeze disappear. You speed walk to Toji, ignoring the dude, and hug his arm tightly. Toji kisses your head as he walks with you not before throwing the dude a shit-eating grin his way. After that, Toji knows you’re loyal to him and that’s a fact.

But if we’re going to be honest, none of us would leave Toji if he treated us well and deservingly. Plus he’s strong and has the body that even the Gods are jealous of, how are we gonna fumble a bag like that? Ngl, if I meet Toji in real life, I’d run in the other direction fucking scared b/c I’m not fantasy me and fantasy me is better. 

Nicknames for you consist of Doll, Babe/Baby , Honey or Hun, Dear, Sweet Girl, Sweet Thing, Princess.

Toji is the type of man to say “Wear whatever the fuck you want, Doll. I can fight” and says it with his chest with no questions asked because it’s true. Toji got that win streak with zero losses under his belt. But then again, no guy will try to hit on you when they see Toji giving them the ultimate stare down when they try to do something funny.

Once gut punched someone so hard they were sent flying while throwing up what they ate for the day because they tried to make a physical move on you and Toji’s instincts just took over.

Toji definitely brawls and fights. He could get jumped by like 10 dudes and send all of them to the hospital completely unscathed. But his beatings get more aggressive if he is with you. Like if you two are out and some guy tries to hit on you and uses his group to intimidate him, you give Toji the approving nod and he’s just giving all of the most devious combos to ever grace this plant while you're sipping on your drink watching it all unfold.

Also, Toji isn’t letting things slide when you’re uncomfortable, annoyed, or God forbid, scared. One time, you told Toji you were going to get food for both of you at your favorite local restaurant/bakery/cafe. But you were gone longer than expected so he went to find you and saw you talking to a guy. He was confused at first because you usually tell them off or leave automatically. It wasn’t until he got closer when he saw the severity of the situation. To any passerby, it’s two people but then up close you can see the guy’s friend right behind him, backing him up and purposely corning you so their pressure would make you say yes but you held your ground. But you were lowkey scared because they trapped you in an abandoned lot that was hidden from the public eye. So when Toji saw how your body shrunk and clutching your bag of food to your chest, that was his green light to go in. Toji grabs the guy’s throat, his hand being big enough to get a good grip. His eyes are cold and daunting, telling the guy, “You must have shit for brains because she clearly isn’t interested in you. It’s not cool to corner a woman with your bitch-less friends.” That’s his only warning to them before he boxes all of them. Took him 2 minutes max and he’s pulling you along with your food in his other hand. 

Toji also would be more than okay if you ask him to pick you up or drop you off from work. You both have a car but it’s cheaper and more convenient to take public transportation. Like he’ll walk with you to work and leave once you’re inside. Once you’re off, you see him outside waiting for you. Your co-workers you vibe with wonder who’s the handsome guy that is always waiting for you and you say that’s your husband. They’re gawking at him and say you’re so lucky. 

Hates him when people tell him what to do but will follow every command you give him. You’re the only one who can boss him around and he’s actually happy to oblige. Responds with “Yes, Sweet girl”, “Anything else, Honey?”, or “Of course, Dear/Babe/Baby”.

Toji is the type of man to follow you anywhere and do anything with you as long as it makes you happy. The type of man to be like “It is what it is, I’m not gonna complain”.

His body is made from the amount of work he has to do for his occupation. He doesn’t need to go to the gym because he gets a full pump by doing push ups alone at home. Does pull ups in the doorway, has a heavy barbell and dumbbells set in your home because you allowed him thinking it would make him productive. Literally puts body builders and any gym goers to shame. His strong body is built by his job alone and his body’s innate ability to gain muscles and keep a low but healthy fat percentage.

Doesn’t drink because he has a very high alcohol tolerance and also he can’t get drunk too. So if you’re not into drinking, he can always keep you company and will back people off if they pressure you into drinking even though you declined. He can see the amusement in drinking culture but he doesn’t drink himself because he hates being under the influence. He won’t mind if you do and he’s more than willing to pick you up from a night out of friends. Not a fan of bars but will go if you ask him to, your drinks are always protected.

Thinks he can rizz you up but it’s you who has the most powerful rizz out of the two.

If you’re having a bad day or just having a mental/emotional breakdown, Toji will try his best to comfort you. If you want him to hold you, he will hold in a loving and protective embrace. Definitely say things like, “You’re going okay, Baby”, “I’m here, Honey. I gotchu”, or “You’re with me, Doll. I won't let anything happen to you.” Not really good with advice but Toji always listens to what you have to say. He will get you anything you need or make you any food you’re craving at the moment. The man would literally go on a last minute grocery run to make you your favorite food to make you feel better. It makes him feel at ease when your mood lightens up or you smile at him.

Not a picky eater but eats the same types of foods because Toji doesn’t get sick of them that easily and he doesn’t have to think too hard on what to eat. But he will make something different everyday for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for you. He would judge you for eating the same food over and over again but not him because he eats just so to satiate his hunger.

He’s your infinite garbage disposal. You’re full or don’t want to finish your food, Toji will eat it for you. His hunger can be satisfied but his body has a large capacity until it reaches full. He never knew what it was like to be full.

Toji is always the big spoon. Maybe some nights he likes to be held by you but he’s the big spoon no matter what. Probably because he desperately needs to feel your presence in the dream world and protect your physical body. More of a back sleeper than a side sleeper but can sleep in either position. Sleeping positions consist of his arm around you and you’re tucked into his side while using his shoulder as a pillow, sleeping on his chest/on top of him, or back hugging you where his massive body engulfs your own. He loves being close to you when sleeping and hates when you’re not in his arms.

Most likely Toji will have nightmares because he feels like he doesn’t deserve you. If not, feel his life he has with you is even real. Sometimes the dark void is there with shadows looming closer to consume him the more he continues to think like that. It’s not until he wakes up to see your sleeping face and gently caresses it is when he realizes this is life was real, you are real and right in front of him. He smiles like a fool before kissing your forehead and holding you close.

Never has thought about his future because he didn’t think he would live this long, or have a domestic life. But now that he has you and is married, he constantly thinks about the future, your future together. He couldn’t imagine a future without you, it’s not possible for him. He imagines having a family with you and hopes you share the same idea as him.

I know these are wild and don't make sense for his character but let me dream, okay?! I've been simping for this man since October 2020, I've been waiting for this, lol. Anyway, thanks for the support!💙❤️

[adelusionforyourthoughts]

san - strangers to friends to lovers

tw: swearing, creepy men, san using his scary dog privilege to threaten creepy men

overview: nonidol au! reader is the owner of a flower shop where san comes in every week to buy flowers. but when does it stop being a relationship based on a transaction and when does it become something more?

an: wait why did i love how this turned out so much more than i thought i would? i love flower shop and coffee shop au’s a lot in case you were wondering (maybe that’s a hint to what’s coming up 👀)

if you like what you see, you can’t read more of what i’ve written here!

and as always, don’t be a stranger

[gremlingottoosilly]

[If you need to be mean] chapter 7

You are trying to think about future with Konig TW for the work: Konig being a huge pervert, Canon-Typical violence, Dub-Con, Innocence kink, Age difference(Konig in his yearly 40, Reader in her early 20)

Pairing: Konig x fem!Reader Tags: Fluff, Power Imbalance, Hurt/Comfort, Size Kink, Possessive Konig, Yandere Konig, Creepy scary stalker Konig, written mostly from Konig's perspective TW for this chapter: kidnapping

Chapter Text

He fixed the sink. 

It’s so dumb actually, even to think about it – pun not intended, you are not happy or energetic enough to ever attempt puns right now, not in your drained emotional state. He came to your house, uninvited as always – you thought about giving him a spare key just so he would stop barging inside at every giving moment, but then understood that it would only make matters worse – it would feel like you are inviting him. Like you’re okay with him being here, invading your space just like a foreign soldier he is. 

You stare at the sink – and it’s in perfect condition. No water droplets splashing from various screws, no rust on the metal – it looks like it just got out of the store, and it was never that perfect even when you first moved into this apartment. 

He didn’t even say anything about it – you don’t even remember him coming to your apartment with a bunch of instruments, with anything that can help a grown-up man burst into the apartment of his so-called girlfriend so he could fix her sink without her knowing. 

It’s nice of him, you think. You can wash your hands and brush your teeth without water spilling everywhere, and you don’t have to worry about mold slowly building inside the narrow space of your bathroom. You can even place some of the expensive skin care he bought on the ceramic surface without feeling disgusted every time you touch the white material. You don’t even use that much skincare, you don’t know why he bought it and where he got it. Quite frankly, judging by his ever-cold stare and complete emotional absence of everything connected to the gifts, you think he doesn’t know why he gives you so much either. 

Maybe, he thinks that your relationships are purely transactional. Maybe he always wanted a sugar baby but was too busy to get a specific one. Maybe he is so hideous under his hood, that the only way he knows how to get women is through gifts. 

You don’t even want to like him, you are always on the receiving end of his affection, almost never initiating anything. He is too hot to handle – not in a good way. Being nice to him feels like being nice to a stray dog - thin, malnourished, that type who would return to you even after a few good kicks in the curb. He is attached to you like hot glue and you can’t get him off without breaking the skin – and you are scared of him almost as much as your body is attracted to him. There is something nice about allowing him to love you – even though you feel like he is simply too fucking damaged to love properly. 

But he fixed your sink, he gave you a bunch of gifts and he gently advances over you without feeling overbearing. You don’t know how much you could bear without him wanting to actually put something in you, besides his fingers and various dry-humping sessions but, at least for now, he feels safe. 

König leaves you money in places you are not looking at first – almost like he is ashamed of paying you. Acknowledging how artificial your “relationships” are too much for him, but he still wants you to feel the best life possible. He is soft, and gentle with you, almost too much – even though you have various bruises when his grasp became too much on the softness of your limbs. 

Dating him – as much as you couldn’t even call it dating, more like receiving his advances and accepting the way he likes you like an obedient dog – made you actually read the news. Carefully watch through the reports, seeing all the accomplishments this small army is receiving here – how mercs are saving you, helping you, being a bunch of fucking saints even though their commander spends too many hours harassing an adorable little civilian in her house, doing nothing but making you hot and bothered and uncomfortable at the same time. 

You want him to leave. 

You want him to stay here, with you. 

He fixed your sink and now you can do your skincare routine with actual time put in. Everything that stands on the white ceramic is bought by him and you would rather throw up than rely so much on someone you don’t really know, but you don’t have a choice. The cafe is closed, and every other job opportunity is either worse or not going to make any difference in your situation – and with how often König shows up, demanding attention and immediate acceptance of his gifts, you don’t want to know what he will do if he finds out you are trying to run away from him again. 

You don’t anymore, of course. You’re a smart girl, you’re a good girl, the best ever. You don’t understand your own feelings, nothing you experience feels right, but you do know that having him around is comfortable. It’s nice, really, you want to like him so much, but you are too tired to feel anymore. Luckily, his feelings are intense enough not to demand anything from you – his love is big enough for the two of you. 

— Why are you so quiet, Schatz? 

He hugs you from behind, hands on your waist pulling you closer to him. He is warm, body temperature is almost unhealthily hot. In full gear, as always, you never ever saw him without it – even when you’re more intimate together, the only thing you can see is either the lower half of his face, scars on his mouth, and clearly shaved jaw with multiple razor cuts, or his dick – and you prefer not to look at it. 

— You fixed my sink. When? 

Hands are keeping you securely in place, not allowing you to move even for an inch. He isn’t wandering, at least, not leaning under your clothes. You’d feel ashamed for wearing washed-put shorts and some weird T-shirt you pulled out of the laundry, but you don’t want to turn each of his visits into a special occasion, especially considering how chaotic it is. You want to wear that really nice lingerie he brought to you – all soft and expensive fabrics, laces, and too much open skin – but you are too creeped out by the fact that he knows your exact size. At least with homely clothes, you don’t have to worry about being too seductive, too inviting and provocative. 

His hands are still squeezing and playing with your tummy. It feels like he relishes in every aspect of your body, no matter how perfect or imperfect it is – and his touches, hungry and almost agonizing in their desperation and greediness, are flattering. You never had anyone so utterly into you – never had any romantic partner who would treat you like their greatest possession. You want to feel like a real person, not just a romantic interest or object of obsession, but…god, his hands are warm and he treats you right and the loneliness of your life is worse than anything you could handle. 

— Few days ago. Had free time after a mission. 

He has an awful lot of free time for someone his rank. Sometimes he disappears for a few days straight and comes back only to be even more hungry with your body. He never spends the night, but always finds some time to burst into your apartment, look at what else he can change to make your life a bit easier – he broke one of your favorite tea cups and bought you a set of new ones, he threw away every old dish plate you had from the previous tenant and bought you a bunch of shiny silvery ones – things that made you feel even worse about yourself because oh god, why do you need to rely on him to but you the most basic fucking stuff. 

— You shouldn’t have done it. I can take care of it. 

Your mouth tells lies that even you don’t believe in. 

— It was leaking. Wanted to do something nice for you, Liebe. 

My love – you read the translations of a few phrases he is using towards you. German is hard and unforgiving, you are screaming at that damn owl for fucking up your pronunciation again as you desperately try to find something to fill your day without a job or worries about money. You are going to the store multiple times a day, buying milk, cookies and salt – all separately, just to do something. It fells like lockdown again, a desperate attempt not to go crazy by being stuck in 4 walls. 

You think – this is what drives housewives from American sitcoms to use recreational drugs and too many antidepressants. 

König thinks – you look so perfect like this. Almost like his perfect little housewife, hands are clinging to the kitchen counter and eyes desperately darting from side to side. He can practically smell your fear and it makes him go feral – he was a good fucking person, his mutter taight him to be a good boy and his father beated how a real man should behave into him. Yet he relishes in the fact that his weak, fragile girlfriend is shaking in his hold, like a kitten almost. He wants you to feel safe with him, but…well, he can indulge in himself a bit. After all, he does sacrifices everything for his service, right? And deserves a bit of pleasure after a hard day of killing terrorists. 

— Thank you, but…please, tell me before you are doing anything in my apartment. I would have just called my landlord. 

You wouldn’t because even when all of your rent debts is paid off and you don’t have anything else that you owe to the owner of the apartment, you still don’t have to see her disappointed and angry face. You had this leaking sin for three months already and just started to live around it – it was normal, there was some comfort in that brokenness. Now there isn’t one, and you just feel guilty for being scared of a man just because he probably stole your second set of keys and decided to fix it.

— When we’ll move to our own home, you won’t have to worry about asking permission from some Arschloch. You could change the sink or a couch every other day if you want to. 

“When we’ll move to our own home”

Such a simple phrase, really. König’s hands are slowly caressing your lower tummy, his erection already thrists into your ass through the fabric of your shorts and you immediately feel the heat rising in your body. You might not understand if you like him or not, but your body certainly craves his touch – craves the comfort and pleasure that being his provides. 

Such a simple phrase that fills you with dread. Living with him, under one roof – living in his country even though you never been to Austria and can barely learn the language. Living with him even though you don’t know what to answer if someone asks you about your relationship. 

Such a simple phrase that König wants to turn into reality. You, barefoot because of course he would build a house with floor heating, he won’t have his wife slipping on some slippers while he is away and hurting herself, in the kitchen that he would made for your desires and height – he isn’t much for cooking and if you are not also, he’d search for a housekeeper – looking at some weird Austrian dish that you can made for him when he comes home. Perfect family, just like his mother told him he has to make – just like his father was never able to. 

He is a simple man and if you won’t want to play along with his little housewife fantasy then, well, you’d have to eventually. König hates the thought of hurting you – but he also hates a lot of things about himself and a bit of pain won’t add to much. He could handle you being upset, easily. He could handle whatever you’d throw at him – literally. 

— I don’t think I can move in with you. 

— Why? 

— I’m not even Austrian. Don’t think I can just go and live in your country like this. 

— You can get a visa through marriage. It would be easy, soldiers have privileges. 

He still was a part of Austrian special forces – even if his service was long ago paid to KorTac, it doesn’t mean that he just gave away all of his documents and privileges that it gave him. There are a bit of things he can do without looking at the law too much – and giving you proper citizenship is one of them. 

Of course, it would also mean you can’t possibly leave him without destroying your new life once again, but…he likes it as a feature. Insurance that you won’t just run away as soon as the opportunity strikes. 

— Marriage is too fast, no? I mean…

— You don’t want to be with me! — No. Yes. I…I mean, we can’t get married right now. 

— We are not doing it right now, Schatz. I still yet to find a good ring around here. 

— I don’t want a ring. I…I can’t marry you, even in a couple of months! We barely know each other, we…we talked about it, you promised that we would go slow…

Oh. 

And now you’re crying in his hold, tears smearing your face as you are trying to make him let go of you. He can’t have that, he won’t have that – he just got out of his office. countless hours spent in searching for the biggest hideout in this city. Horangi fed him with reports of various sightings, Hutch is already halfway on breaking another data package they got from the last mission and, if anything, it felt like another week or two in here – and he could finally get that sweet, sweet leave. 

Come to think of it, he hadn’t had any breaks in a year already – only a week when he got shot in the side and spent a couple of days laying in the medical, still screaming at the recruits for being so fucking unprofessional – so much, in fact, that he had to get out of the bed early and spend two weeks as an instructor for any of those useless fuckers. Maybe, after this mission, he could take a month or so off – just so he could spend more time with you. Honeymoon and a future wedding do sound fun if he could make you come around before the end of his deployment here. He wouldn’t want to kidnap his future wife like some asshole, after all. 

— How slow do you want me to go, meine Mädchen? 

There isn’t a right answer to this question. He doesn’t ask whether or not you even want to marry him – just when. Your perfect answer would be no, I don’t know, give me a break and let me figure myself out for at least a dozen months so you could come to your senses and move to some distant country on the other side of the globe. 

But he holds you close, his erection is mere inches away from penetrating your body – he is grinding into your ass shamelessly, using the softness of your thighs as his own sex toy – and your mind becomes dizzy. Every time he touches you, his fingers trail on your delicate skin, and you feel dumb. No thought, head empty, only desire to back your hips against his crotch and move a little. 

— I don’t know. Just not…not like this. 

— Then like what? How long should I wait? 

A month won’t be enough. 

Even half a year won’t be enough to process your feelings. 

— I don’t know. 

You want to say yes, but you don’t want to be the one to decide. Having responsibility is too much, and being the one in charge of yourself isn’t something you really want. Maybe, you should just agree. Maybe, you don’t have enough energy to process this. 

— We don’t have much time here, Liebe. I’m not supposed to tell you this, but…

His hands are gripping you even closer – his fingers are shaking almost, and you’re scared of seeing this man being so weak for you, but there isn’t anything you can do to help him. Your fingers are softly caressing his – you doubt that he can feel much under his gloves, but you want to be at least attentive. You don’t want him to feel bad, to think that you are ungrateful for everything he has done to help you. Maybe you’re afraid of making him mad – or, maybe, you want him to be closer to you. Maybe, you want him to like you more. Maybe…

— I will probably be there for another week or two. Mission will be over sooner than we thought. 

— You will leave? 

König wants to lie to himself that you feel sad about it. He can hear the pain in your voice, the way your fingers are shaking on top of his. He hates being weak, scared, he purged everything that was liable in his body before he even became the colonel – but he stays here, in this run-down kitchen corner of your apartment, looks at your delicate body in his hands and feels weak. 

Not that you will say no, that you can run away. He is terrified of himself because he knows that he won’t take no for an answer. He will get you out of here, haul you on his shoulder like some sort of trophy, and make you his no matter the kicking and screaming he will receive. And he doesn’t want to let himself go around you – to lose control. 

— Not without you. 

— I don’t want to leave. 

He squeezes your waist one more time, letting go of your body. He can be patient – he needs to concentrate on the mission at hand anyway, not being all lovey and romantic with you. He may give you space – a few centimeters at best, maybe, if you would a good girl and give him everything he asks for. 

— You can have a week to think. But I will be back, verstehen? 

You nod and he turns your head to the side, kissing you. He has to lean down to reach your lips, he is too fucking desperate to taste you on his tongue when he moves it further down your throat. It’s sloppy, unexperienced, the technique is basically non-existent but you clung to the counter and moan as he slides his hands down your shorts, finding your center. It’s moist, slippery, welcoming two of his fingers with ease – and then he withdraws it immediately. 

You whine when he stops moving, and your pussy is clenching around nothing when he chuckles. You’re weak, fragile, desperate and delicate – he isn’t used to handling stuff like you, but he will make sure to find all the bubble wrap in the world to use on you. He’ll be your perfect husband – if only you would give him a chance. 

— Gather your things, lamm. Don’t bring too much, you’ll find better things in Austria. 

— But…

— You’ll like it, I promise. Do you trust me? 

— N…no. 

— You will. 

He leaves you in your apartment after a few minutes of just…looking at you. Eyes wandering on your shaking body, fear and desire mixing on your face – he is soft with you, but you know that this softness comes with a responsibility that you could not handle. 

You went to the bathroom to wash your face and calm down a little bit – everything in your body begged you to run after him and scream for him to take you right here and then – and you look at the sink. That fucking sink. 

*** Maybe, you shouldn’t have had this conversation with him so late in the evening – you decided to go out of your apartment to clean your head. 

Maybe, he shouldn’t have fixed your sink because when you didn’t have to think about problems in your apartment, you actually had time and energy to go out at night again. 

Maybe, he shouldn’t have left you here is such disarray – maybe, if you had actually fuck that night, you wouldn’t have the strength to venture into creepy alleys and pass through crowds of weird, scary people. 

Maybe…

— Stand right here, missy. 

— Saw you with that asshole in the hood a while ago. How does it feel to betray your country? 

— I thought our women knew better than whoring themselves with foreign scum. 

— She can have him to come to us. 

— Think he would come to get his slut? 

— He’d have to. All hostages are good in our situation. 

Maybe, if you won’t tell him to at least wait before making you his, you wouldn’t get into the hands of terrorists that he was supposed to fight.

[marsplastic13]

'Complicated' (part 12) - Kaz Brekker x Reader

Idea - Kaz Brekker hires a prostitute to overcome his touch aversion, and be a better man for Inej, but things take an unxepected turn. Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Prostitute!Reader, (had to use y/n because I'm bad at names) Genre: modern AU, slow burn word count: 7.4k notes: didn't realize how many things happen in this part until right now, take a long breath

@millercontracting @coldmermaidhologram @syd649 @luffysprincess @cryptidghostgirl @beekeepingageissome @hufflepuff-16

tw: panic attack, mention of past abusive relationships, mention of past abuse

The next few days were chaotic for Kaz. He was working around the clock on a crucial deal, frustration mounting as complications arose. The thought of kidnapping everyone involved and locking them in a room until they reached an agreement crossed his mind more than once. His phone buzzed constantly, mostly with messages from Inej, urging him to join her in some remote corner of the world. Meanwhile, Jesper was relentless in his demands for attention, insisting on planning their joint birthday party. If being best friends wasn’t enough, they even shared the same birthday.

In the midst of this whirlwind, a message from Y/n made him pause. She had sent him two pictures of herself in different swimsuits, asking, 'Can’t decide the color'.

Kaz took a moment to study the images, appreciating her form and the swimsuits that highlighted it. The first one, a sleek black number, hugged her curves in all the right places, exuding a sense of sophistication and allure. The second, a vibrant red, contrasted beautifully with her skin, giving her a playful yet seductive appearance. His eyes traced the lines of her body, lingering on the way the fabric accentuated her waist and the gentle curve of her hips. He could almost feel the texture of the swimsuits under his fingertips, the thought sending a shiver down his spine.

Without much thought, he transferred 800 kruge to her, labeling the transaction ‘Both.’

Almost immediately, she replied, ‘I don’t think you know swimsuit prices.’

Kaz smirked at her response, typing back, ‘Do you need more?’

‘It’s too much!’ she protested.

‘I’m sure you’ll find something else to buy,’  he replied, feeling a rare sense of lightness.

‘:)’ was her only answer, but it was enough to make him smile.

He leaned back in his chair, momentarily forgetting the pressures of the deal, Inej’s incessant texts, and Jesper’s party plans. The thought of Y/n in those swimsuits lingered in his mind, a welcome distraction from the chaos.

With a sigh, Kaz returned to his negotiations, determined to push through the obstacles. But the images of Y/n, and the playful banter that accompanied them, stayed with him, a reminder of the choices and feelings he needed to confront.

***

Finally, after days, the deal was closed, and Kaz could breathe. As the car started moving, he undid his tie, feeling a wave of relief wash over him. The pressure had been immense, and now he just wanted to share this victory with Y/n. He dialed her number, anticipation buzzing in his chest.

“We fucking did it, love, I’m free,” he announced, his voice filled with excitement.

“I’m so happy for you, baby,” she replied, but her voice was strained.

Kaz immediately picked up on it. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” she sighed. “Due to poor scheduling, I had two very… demanding clients one after the other, and I’m exhausted.”

Hearing her talk about her job always stirred a rush of jealousy in Kaz. He hated the thought of her with other men, even if it was just for work. He clenched his jaw, trying to push the feeling aside.

“I wanted to take you out for dinner,” he said, hoping to distract himself with the idea of spending a relaxing evening with her.

“Can we do tomorrow, baby? I can’t move,” she sounded genuinely worn out, and his heart softened.

“Sure,” he said, trying to hide his disappointment. “Come here?” she asked, her voice softening.

“Already on my way,” he replied without hesitation.

Y/n was wearing his underwear and a white crop top with ‘Virgin’ written on it. Her hair was up, and her eyes were half-closed, and Kaz thought she had never looked more beautiful. She got on her toes, linking her arms behind his neck to kiss him. “Hi,” she murmured against his lips, and he felt his knees ready to give in.

“I got you pizza. I think it’ll be here in 10 minutes,” she said, leading him to her room.

“Thank you, love. You didn’t have to,” Kaz replied.

Y/n shrugged, collapsing on her bed. Only in contrast with the white sheets he notice the bruises around her body. “What happened to you?” he asked, concerned.

“Very demanding clients, I told you.”

Kaz sighed, torn between wanting to know more and not wanting to know anything at all. “Y/n, did they hurt you?”

“Well, not intentionally. Don't worry, Kaz; it was really good,” she said, closing her eyes and resting her head on his lap.

His hands gently brushed against her bruises, trying to keep his thoughts in check. “Were you enjoying it?” The question came out harsher than he intended.

“Yes,” she said simply.

‘More than me?’ The words were on the tip of his tongue, ready to dangerously roll out, leading to really uncomfortable conversations. He sighed; they were both too tired for meaningless fights. Yes, he could get mad about her job, but then what? There was no point.

“Were you safe?” he decided to ask.

“Of course. I trust them. I don't do certain things with strangers or with new clients.”

Kaz hummed, stroking her hair. “Tell me about your deal, come on,” she encouraged him without opening her eyes.

He told her a summary of what had gone down in the past days, and she looked genuinely interested. They opened the pizza in bed, accompanied by a very expensive bottle of wine that surely deserved to be tasted on other occasions rather than with greasy pizza, on a bed, drinking directly from it.

“There's cheese on it. What are you going to eat?” he asked, shoving half a slice into his mouth.

“I'm just going to inhale deeply the smell and drink wine.”

"Y/n, cut the bullshit and eat," he said firmly, his concern for her health evident in his voice.

"Rude," she retorted, but he could hear the weariness in her tone.

He leaned forward slightly, meeting her tired gaze. "Y/n," he began softly, "I know you're tired. But you need to eat."

"I'm not hungry," she insisted, her voice quieter now, almost defeated.

Kaz pinched the bridge of his nose, frustration and worry mingling within him. "Don't make a scene, love," he murmured.

Y/n sighed, exhaustion and resignation crossing her features. "I won't eat that; it looks disgusting," she protested weakly, avoiding his gaze.

"Just get something from your fridge," Kaz suggested, trying to keep his tone gentle despite his growing concern.

He watched as Y/n finally relented, disappearing into the kitchen. When she returned with a banana, Kaz felt a wave of relief wash over him. "Happy?" she asked, her tired eyes meeting his.

"Very much," Kaz replied, smiling softly.

After finishing their meal, Kaz and Y/n settled back into bed, finding comfort in each other's presence. Y/n lay on her back with Kaz's chest as her pillow, both absorbed in watching an episode of House on her tablet. Kaz absentmindedly traced patterns on her body, his mind finally relaxing after the past long days.

Lost in his thoughts, Kaz slid one hand under Y/n's shirt, a gesture that had become familiar between them. But this time, unlike before, he felt her flinch, a subtle but unmistakable reaction that instantly brought him back to the present.

“Y/n, is everything okay?” he asked gently, withdrawing his hand immediately.

“I… I won’t be able to have sex tonight, or anything else,” she blurted out quickly, her words rushed and tinged with anxiety.

Kaz remained calm, his concern growing as he sensed her distress. “It’s fine, Y/n. I’m pretty tired too,” he reassured her, trying to keep his voice steady despite the unease stirring within him.

But Y/n's breathing quickened, each breath coming in shallow gasps as if she couldn't get enough air. Kaz's worry deepened. “Hey, what's going on?” he asked softly, reaching out to gently touch her arm.

“I’m sorry, I can try if you want, but I-” Her voice trembled with panic, her eyes darting away.

“Are you listening to me? I said it’s fine, love,” Kaz insisted, shifting slightly to try and meet her gaze. He could see the fear in her eyes, as if she had seen a ghost.

Y/n suddenly moved away from him, her eyes fixed on him but seemingly unfocused. She started repeating apologies frantically, tears streaming down her cheeks uncontrollably.

“Everything is fine, you’re with me,” Kaz tried to reassure her, his voice soft and soothing, though uncertain of how to handle the situation.

“I know what you want from me, and I can’t… I can’t-” Her words were choked with emotion, her distress palpable.

“I don’t want anything, Y/n,” Kaz said firmly but gently, reaching out to hold her hand. “Just try to breathe. You’re safe here.”

Her panic seemed to intensify, her breaths erratic and shallow. Kaz's heart sank, feeling utterly helpless as he watched her struggle.

“Y/n, you’re not breathing properly. What is going on?” he asked urgently, his concern deepening into a knot of worry in his chest.

Finally, she managed to focus on him again, her tear-streaked face etched with anguish. “I… I can’t do this,” she managed to say between sobs.

Kaz's mind raced, trying to piece together what could have triggered such a severe reaction. “It’s me, Y/n,” Kaz said softly, his voice unwavering despite the turmoil inside.

Tears continued to fall from her eyes as she struggled to regain control. “I am nothing for you,” she muttered, her wide eyes darting around the room as if searching for an escape. “You just want me for sex and tonight I can’t-”

Kaz's heart raced as he watched Y/n struggle through the grips of her panic attack. Her words cut through the air with a sharpness that betrayed her fear, leaving Kaz feeling utterly helpless. He knew that touching her might worsen the situation, but he couldn't bear to see her in such distress.

“Y/n, you’re having a panic attack,” Kaz interjected gently, hoping to ground her in reality. His voice, usually steady, now quivered slightly with concern as he tried to reach for her hand again.

Her breathing remained erratic, each gasp tearing at Kaz's own nerves. “Don’t touch me. Please, let me go,” she pleaded, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Kaz withdrew his hand immediately, a pang of guilt and worry twisting in his chest. He felt a surge of anxiety rise within him, unsure of how best to support her through this overwhelming episode. The sight of her pain, both physical and emotional, weighed heavily on him.

“I won’t hurt you, Y/n,” Kaz reassured, his voice a whisper amidst her sobs. “You’ll be okay. Just breathe.”

Her panicked words continued to spill out, trapped in a loop of distress. “I can’t give it to you, I can’t- I'm so tired, please,” she repeated, her gaze unfocused and terrified.

Kaz's mind raced, desperately trying to understand what had triggered such a severe reaction. He knew Y/n's job was demanding and often brought emotional challenges, but this level of panic was new and alarming.

“I know I’m nothing for you, but please, I don’t want to-”

Before things could escalate further, Kaz made a quick decision. He needed help, someone who knew Y/n well. Without another word, he left the room swiftly, his footsteps echoing in the hallway as he sought out her roommates.

He found one of them in the living room, concern etched on her face as she saw Kaz's distressed expression. Without hesitation, he explained the situation, his voice urgent yet measured.

“It’s Y/n,” Kaz began, his voice catching slightly with worry. “She’s having a panic attack. I don’t know what to do.”

Y/n's roommate nodded understandingly, her face softening with empathy. “I’ll come with you,” she said firmly, leading Kaz back towards Y/n’s room.

Together, they entered the room where Y/n lay curled up on the bed, hugging her legs, her breathing still uneven. Kaz hovered anxiously in the doorway, feeling both relief and apprehension at having someone else there to help.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Y/n's roommate spoke softly, her voice a soothing balm in the tense atmosphere. “We’re here for you.” 

Kaz stood back, grateful to see Y/n in the care of someone she trusted. He was about to speak, but his words caught in his throat when Y/n's tear-streaked face turned towards her roommate. There was a mix of fear and relief flickering in her eyes.

“Please let me go,” Y/n's voice was weak and shaky. “I am not an object.”

Kaz felt shock ripple through him at her words. He hadn't expected this plea, hadn't realized the depth of her emotional turmoil. His heart skipped several beats, feeling guilt and concern pressing heavily on him. He stood frozen in the doorway, feeling helpless as he watched Y/n's tear-streaked face, her distress palpable.

“No, you’re not, baby,” her roommate's gentle voice broke through the tense air. “You’re home now, it’s safe. No one wants anything from you.”

Gradually, Y/n’s breathing began to steady, the intense panic subsiding as her roommate guided her through calming breaths. Kaz remained by the doorway, silently observing, his worry for Y/n still palpable. He felt like an intruder in this intimate moment of vulnerability.

“Are you coming back to us?” the roommate asked softly, and Y/n nodded faintly.

“Kaz is here, do you want him to stay?” Y/n turned towards him, her eyes searching and uncertain. She nodded again, and Kaz felt a mix of relief and trepidation at being allowed into her space during such a fragile moment.

“Can I leave you alone with him? I’ll be just outside,” the roommate offered, and Y/n nodded once more.

“Yes, yes, I’m coming out of it,” Y/n murmured weakly, her gaze still distant but slowly regaining focus.

Kaz stepped cautiously into the room, feeling the weight of the situation pressing down on him. He approached Y/n slowly, unsure of how to comfort her but wanting desperately to do something. He sat down gently beside her on the bed, keeping a respectful distance but close enough to offer support if needed.

He could see the embarrassment etched on her face, her cheeks flushed with shame. She avoided his gaze, her hands fidgeting nervously in her lap.

“Hey,” Kaz began gently, breaking the uneasy silence between them. “There’s no need to feel embarrassed. You don’t have to apologize for anything.”

Y/n let out a shaky breath, still not meeting his eyes. “I’m sorry, Kaz,” she whispered, her voice barely audible. “I didn’t mean to... I just lost control. It was such a stressful day.”

Kaz reached out tentatively, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Y/n, it’s okay. You don’t have to explain yourself. I’m just really worried about you.”

She finally looked up at him, tears still lingering in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she repeated, her voice cracking with emotion, “My ex-boyfriend… he wasn’t the only abusive relationship I was in. I’m not used to people wanting to stay with me for more than sex.”

Kaz's heart sank even more, the weight of their complicated relationship pressing down on him like never before. He couldn't bear the thought of Y/n feeling used or undervalued, especially by him. The realization hit him hard, making him confront his own shortcomings.

Every promise he had made about leaving Inej, spoken in moments of vulnerability and passion, yet never followed through—each one now felt like a betrayal. He saw now how those empty assurances could have chipped away at her trust. Each time he had let Jesper's jokes about her job slide, dismissing them as harmless banter, he had unwittingly contributed to her feeling like she was only valued for her body.

The guilt was suffocating. He had been so caught up in his own struggles, his own fears, that he hadn't fully grasped the depth of hers. It wasn’t just about his complicated relationship with Inej or his clandestine meetings with Y/n. It was about seeing Y/n for who she truly was, beyond the surface, beyond the physical.

“Y/n, if I ever-”

“You didn’t, don’t worry.”

Kaz took a deep breath, steadying himself as he looked into her eyes. "I care about you. It's really important that you know that. For me, it's not just physical, Y/n."

"It would be so much easier if it was," she replied, her hand gently caressing his cheek. "Then you would hurt me, and I'd forget about you."

"I don't want this to end," he whispered back, his voice raw with emotion.

"Can we sleep now?" she asked, her voice small and tired.

"I just want to make sure you’re okay," Kaz insisted firmly, his concern unwavering. Y/n nodded slowly, her shoulders relaxing slightly under his touch.

“Are you sure nothing happened today?” Kaz pressed, his worry evident.

“Yeah, it was just heavy. I pushed too much, triggered old memories,” she admitted, her voice tinged with sadness.

“Are you sure they didn’t hurt you?” he asked again, his eyes searching hers for any signs of distress.

“Yes, Kaz, they were just both into violent stuff, and I screamed my lungs out all afternoon,” she explained.

Kaz frowned, puzzled. “Are you into it?” he asked, trying to understand.

“Sometimes,” she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Are you sure that you like sleeping with me?” He couldn’t hold it in any longer. “You’re used to all these weird things that I don’t know anything about.”

“Of course I like it, love,” Y/n finally smiled at him, her expression softening. “It’s totally different having sex with a client and doing it with—” she stopped, uncertainty written all over her face.

“With?” he encouraged her, pulling her into his arms, hoping to give her the reassurance she needed.

They stared at each other for a moment, the air thick with unspoken words. “With a friend,” she offered softly, her voice filled with sincerity.

Kaz nodded, a small smile tugging at his lips. “Bet they don’t cuddle you after.”

She laughed, the sound like a balm to his worried heart. Tracing his jaw with her fingers, she continued, “You’d be surprised at how many of them just want simple things. Take all those men that take me on trips—they don’t have time to have an actual girlfriend, be there for her, build a family. So they just pay me to do it. Laugh at their jokes, praise them in front of their colleagues. They just want a wave of fake normalcy. And I like being a girlfriend for a week or two; it’s all I can handle.”

Kaz listened intently, his heart aching for the life she described. He realized how different their worlds were, yet how much he wanted to be a part of hers. "I get it," he said softly. "But with me, it doesn't have to be fake. You deserve more than just a week or two of normalcy."

Y/n looked at him, her eyes filled with hope and fear. "I don’t know if I can handle more," she confessed, her voice trembling slightly.

Kaz held her closer, his resolve strengthening. “Nothing to decide right now.”

“I'm too tired to remind you how stupid this is.”

“Then shut up and go to sleep.”

Kaz woke up to what must have been the twentieth message she received. “I swear, I’m going to break your phone,” he muttered. Y/n had been awake for some time already, and he was resting his head on her stomach. With every new message, she giggled, making his head move slightly.

“Sorry,” she said, her voice full of amusement.

“Who is writing you all these messages at fucking sunrise?” he asked, annoyed, without opening his eyes.

“First of all, it’s 9 a.m.,” she corrected him. “Second, it’s Mother’s Day.”

“And you have a lot of children or a lot of mothers?” Kaz’s sarcasm was evident, his annoyance clear.

“Neither of them, actually. I have a lot of clients,” Y/n replied, playfully.

Kaz made a disgusted face, raising his head to look at her. “Hey, gorgeous,” she said, tilting her head to look at him before getting her attention back to her phone, giggling again.

“They’re really wishing you a happy Mother’s Day? It’s gross,” Kaz said, his tone laced with incredulity.

“It’s kind of sweet that all the men who sucked my tits feel the duty to wish me a happy Mother’s Day. You have no idea of the tips they’re sending me.” Y/n turned her phone to let him see the pile of notifications—messages and money transfers, one after the other.

Kaz stared at the screen, a mixture of shock and jealousy coursing through him. “It’s still weird,” he grumbled, resting his head back on her stomach. “And annoying.”

Y/n laughed softly, running her fingers through his hair. “I know it’s strange, but it’s just part of the job. They feel a connection, even if it’s superficial.”

Kaz closed his eyes, trying to block out the steady stream of notifications. “I don’t like it,” he admitted, his voice muffled against her skin.

“I know,” she said softly, her tone comforting. “But you don’t have to worry about them. They’re just clients.”

Kaz’s grip on her tightened slightly, his fingers tracing small circles on her side. “Sometimes it’s hard to remember that,” he confessed.

Y/n put down her phone and cupped his face, making him look up at her. “You’re not just a client, Kaz. You’re my friend, and you mean a lot to me.”

He nodded, feeling a bit reassured. “Okay,” he said softly, leaning into her touch.

“Good,” she replied, leaning down to kiss his forehead. “Just go back to sleep.”

“Okay,” Kaz agreed, a small smile playing on his lips. “But if that phone goes off one more time…”

Y/n laughed, her eyes sparkling with amusement. “I’ll put it on mute, just for you.”

“Thank you,” he mumbled, closing his eyes again and settling back down, feeling a bit more at ease.

“Come on, Kaz, wake up. It’s already past 11. How much are you going to sleep?” Y/n asked, her voice carrying a blend of impatience and amusement.

“All day,” Kaz mumbled, burying his face deeper into her abdomen.

“Oh, you’re even drooling on me. Disgusting,” she said, shoving him away gently.

“Sorry,” he replied, sitting up and wiping his mouth, feeling slightly embarrassed.

“You know I have a life other than spending time with you, right?” she teased, getting up and disappearing into her wardrobe.

“I thought you spent your days waiting for my texts,” he retorted, a smirk playing on his lips.

“Yeah, you wish. I have lunch with a friend, then I have to throw paint to a monument to protest against climate change, throw tear gas at the police, and I start work at 5,” she listed off, pulling out clothes and holding them up for inspection.

“Please don’t get arrested,” Kaz said, his tone carrying both genuine concern and exasperation.

“I can’t, I have to work. Are you listening to me?” She picked out an outfit and turned to him. “Do you think this works for lunch and saving the world?”

“Sure,” he replied absently, not really paying attention to the clothes but rather watching her with a fondness he didn’t often show.

“Do you want to come to the protest?” she asked, her eyes sparkling.

“Absolutely not,” he laughed, shaking his head. “Climate change is not my problem.”

“What about your children? Or the children of your children?” she countered, raising an eyebrow at him.

He chuckled again, getting up and moving closer to her. He kissed her temple softly. “I’ll make sure not to have any.”

“Selfish,” she commented, rolling her eyes but smiling.

“What time are you off?” he asked, watching her as she finished getting dressed.

“Eight, I think,” she replied, checking her reflection in the mirror.

“Great, don’t make plans,” Kaz said, a hint of anticipation in his voice.

Y/n turned to him, a playful smirk on her lips. “Oh? What do you have in mind?”

“You’ll see,” he said cryptically, his eyes twinkling with mischief.

***

‘I’m outside,’ Kaz texted her at 8 sharp, and waited, leaning casually against his brand-new bike. A smirk played on his lips as he heard the sound of her footsteps descending the stairs.

When Y/n saw him, she stopped in her tracks, her mouth falling open. “What in the mid-life crisis is that?” she exclaimed.

Kaz’s smirk widened. He stood proudly next to his bike, a sleek, black Ducati with gleaming chrome accents and a matte finish. 

“Kaz, you’re too young to have a mid-life crisis, you know that?” she teased, shaking her head in disbelief.

“Do you like it?” he asked, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

Y/n circled the bike, taking in every detail. “Yeah, it’s so beautiful,” she said, admiration evident in her voice. “Oh, you even got the thing to hold your cane. I think we’re watching too much House, baby.”

Kaz made a crooked smile, appreciating her attention to detail. “Just an early birthday present from myself,” he shrugged nonchalantly, then offered her a helmet. “Want to go for a ride?”

Y/n looked at the helmet, then back at Kaz, her expression a mix of excitement and apprehension. “Yeah, but I’m fucking scared,” she laughed nervously. “Are you sure you can drive this thing?”

“Of course I can,” he assured her, his confidence unwavering. “Come on, trust me.”

She hesitated for a moment, then took the helmet from him, her fingers brushing against his. “Alright,” she said, taking a deep breath. “Let’s do this.”

Kaz helped her with the helmet, making sure it was secure before putting on his own. He mounted the bike with practiced ease and extended a hand to her. “Hop on,” he said, his voice steady and reassuring.

Y/n climbed onto the bike behind him, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist. She could feel the powerful engine rumbling beneath her, the vibrations sending a thrill through her entire body.

“Ready?” Kaz asked, glancing over his shoulder.

“Ready,” she replied, her voice steady despite the butterflies in her stomach.

With a rev of the engine, they took off, the wind whipping around them as they sped through the city streets. Y/n’s initial fear melted away, replaced by exhilaration as they wove through traffic and took on the open road. Kaz’s confidence and skill were evident in every turn, every acceleration.

They rode for what felt like hours, the world blurring around them, a sense of freedom and adventure filling the air. Finally, Kaz brought the bike to a stop at a scenic overlook, the city lights twinkling below them.

Y/n removed her helmet, her hair tousled and her cheeks flushed with excitement. “That was amazing,” she said breathlessly, her eyes shining.

Kaz smiled, his own heart pounding with exhilaration. “Told you it’d be fun,” he said, leaning in to kiss her softly.

She kissed him back, their surroundings fading away, leaving just the two of them in that perfect moment.

Kaz wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer as they both took in the breathtaking view. The city lights below twinkled like stars, casting a serene glow over their moment of quiet togetherness. 

“Will you come to our birthday dinner?” he asked, his voice soft but hopeful.

Y/n glanced at him, then away, her gaze settling somewhere distant. “It would be weird, Kaz,” she said softly, her tone tinged with uncertainty.

“Why?” he pressed gently, not wanting to let the idea go just yet.

“Well, Jesper doesn’t like me, and it’s his birthday too. All of your friends will be there… I just don’t fit in the picture,” she explained, her voice carrying a trace of sadness.

“We’re friends, and it’s not true that he doesn’t like you,” Kaz tried, though even he knew his argument was weak.

Y/n raised an eyebrow, skepticism evident in her eyes. “Come on, Kaz. You’ve heard the way he talks about me.”

Kaz sighed, knowing there was some truth to her words. “Jesper can be... opinionated. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you.”

“He thinks I’m a distraction, that I’m not good enough for you,” she insisted, her voice tinged with frustration.

“Jesper has his own issues,” Kaz said, trying to placate her. “He doesn’t always understand other people’s choices. But that doesn’t mean he dislikes you.”

“Yeah, but I don’t know anyone apart from you and Jesper. It would be weird,” she insisted, the hesitation clear in her eyes.

“I won’t leave your side,” Kaz promised, his grip tightening slightly, a subtle plea in his words.

“It would be even weirder. You’re still in a relationship, Kaz,” she reminded him gently but firmly.

He sighed, frustration mingling with resignation. “Me and Inej haven’t talked in days,” he said dryly, a hint of bitterness in his tone.

“Well, it doesn’t matter. Come on, you know it too. They would start asking questions we don’t know how to answer, and it would be embarrassing. They’ll make me feel like shit,” her voice became smaller, a hint of sadness creeping in.

Kaz felt a pang of guilt and frustration. He didn’t want her to feel like an outsider, but he couldn’t deny the truth in her words. The complexities of their situation, the secrecy, the unspoken feelings—all of it created a tangled web that made simple things complicated. But he really wanted her to be with him on his birthday, to share that day with her.

Kaz pulled her closer, resting his forehead against hers. “I wish things were different,” he whispered, the words heavy with unspoken emotions.

“Do you really?” she replied softly, a playful smile tugging at her lips. “Admit it, love. The lies, the sneaking out, the secrets—you’re enjoying it.”

Her words struck a chord within him. He opened his mouth to protest, but a wry smile crept onto his face. She knew him too well. The thrill of their clandestine meetings, the adrenaline rush of stolen moments—it was intoxicating, and he couldn’t deny it.

“Okay, you caught me,” he admitted with a chuckle. “There’s something about it that makes everything more intense. But it’s not just that.”

She tilted her head, her fingers tracing lazy patterns on his chest. “I know. I feel it too. It’s exciting, and I like that it’s not serious. It takes the pressure off.”

Kaz felt a pang of frustration. “At least think about the party,” he urged, trying to keep his tone calm and persuasive.

“Kaz, your birthday party with all of your friends is a girlfriend-kind-of-thing, not a whatever-we-are-doing thing,” she replied, shaking her head. “If you broke up, I might have considered it, but come on, it’s too much even for me. And one time I babysat the kids of the married man I was hooking up with.”

He winced at her bluntness, but he couldn’t deny the truth in her words. “I know it’s complicated,” he admitted, his voice softer. “But I want you there with me. It would mean a lot.”

She sighed, her expression softening a bit. “I get that, Kaz. But I’m not ready to be paraded around in front of your friends, pretending everything is fine. Especially not when things between us are so... undefined. What are you going to say? Who am I?”

Kaz hesitated, searching for the right words. “You’re someone I care about deeply. Someone who means a lot to me. Isn’t that enough?”

Y/n shook her head, her eyes filled with doubt. “It’s not that simple. Your friends will want details. They’ll want to know who I am and why I’m there. I don’t want to be put on the spot, and I don’t want to be judged.”

“I’ll handle it,” Kaz promised, his voice firm.

“Baby, please, it doesn’t make any sense. You know it, I know it, just let go,” Y/n pleaded, her tone gentle but resolute.

He sighed, a mixture of frustration and disappointment evident in his expression, “Fine.”

***

The day before his birthday, Kaz waited outside Y/n's apartment, glancing at his watch every few minutes. There was no sign of her car, and she was already pretty late. After a while, her familiar Mini turned the corner, and she parked almost straight, skidding slightly to a halt.

As soon as she got out of the car, Y/n started apologizing profusely. “I’m so sorry for being late, Kaz.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Is that a tennis racket?” he asked, puzzled.

“Oh, yeah. I’m seeing this guy who thinks tennis lessons count as dates. I'm pretty good too,” she replied nonchalantly, though she was still catching her breath.

“You’re pretty late,” he noted, trying to keep his tone light but failing to hide his annoyance.

“I know, baby. I’m sorry,” she said, taking his hand and leading him towards her flat. Once in her room, she started rummaging through her wardrobe, pulling out various outfits to find the perfect one for dinner. “I’ll be super quick, I swear.”

Kaz smiled as he reached into his jacket and pulled out four concert tickets, holding them up proudly. “Look what I found.”

Y/n’s eyes widened in delight. “Oh, saints, you found them? I’m going to kiss you!” she exclaimed, rushing over to him. She cupped his face, planting kisses all around it. “You’re amazing,” she kissed his cheek. “Thank you,” another kiss. “Fantastic,” she kissed his forehead. “I love you,” she kissed his lips.

Y/n turned to leave, Kaz gripped her wrist, pulling her back gently but firmly. “What did you just say?” he asked, his voice betraying curiosity and surprise.

The girl froze, slowly turning around, her eyes wide and her lower lip caught between her teeth. “What?” she asked, her voice unnaturally high.

“Care to say that again?” Kaz’s tone was gentle, but there was a serious undertone that made her heart race.

“Uh, thank you for the tickets?” she tried weakly, her eyes darting around the room, avoiding his intense gaze.

“Y/n,” Kaz repeated, his tone firmer, drawing her attention back to him. His eyes searched hers, filled with a mix of curiosity and determination.

She bit her lip, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment. “Oh, you know what? I was lying, 100%. Can't stand you,” she said, the words coming out in a rush. “Can I go have a shower? We're late,” she added, turning to leave again.

Kaz tightened his grip on her wrist, not letting her escape so easily. “Y/n, stop,” he said softly but insistently.

She sighed, her shoulders slumping in defeat. “Kaz, please. Can we just drop it? It was a slip of the tongue. I didn't mean to say it.”

“But you did say it,” he countered, his eyes never leaving hers. “And I need to know if you meant it.”

She looked at him with wide eyes, clearly conflicted. The usually confident Y/n was visibly shaken, and for the first time since he had known her, Kaz saw her properly blush. “No, not as you think,” she whispered, her voice barely audible. “It was just a slip up.”

Kaz let go of her arm, still in shock. He watched as she hurriedly gathered her things, her movements quick and deliberate. Y/n really did get ready in record time, disappearing into the bathroom and emerging not much later with her usual confident demeanor restored. It was as if the vulnerable moment had never happened, and Kaz knew better than to push her with uncomfortable questions.

Hours later, the conversation was just a blur in the back of Kaz's foggy mind. “Stay on your knees, lift my hips,” Y/n instructed, arching her back in satisfaction. “Fuck, how can this feel even better?” he said, following her guidance. 

Y/n extended one of her legs to rest it on his shoulder. He barely registered the shift, too focused on the overwhelming sensations coursing through him. “Come closer, love,” she said between moans. Kaz immediately leaned in, marveling at her flexibility when her knee and shoulder almost touched under his weight. “Pilates is paying off, right?” she teased, noticing his amazed expression.

“Fuck, Y/n, please be mine,” he groaned, desperation lacing his voice.

“Yeah? I—” her smart reply died in her throat as his tongue began playing with her nipple. 

“I want to be with you, every day,” he murmured against her skin.

“Every day?” she echoed, her voice trembling with pleasure.

“Every damn day, Y/n. Please, let’s try it.”

“Why do you become so needy during sex?” she asked, her breath hitching as he continued.

“Because you deserve all of it. Move in with me,” he said, assaulting her neck with kisses, his pace never faltering.

“Sure, baby, whatever you want,” she replied, her voice heavy with lust and affection.

“I want everyone to know you're mine.”

“Am I?” she challenged, a playful glint in her eyes.

“Yes.”

“Did I agree on that?”

“Since you can't make a decision, I'll take one for you,” he said with a possessive growl, his hands gripping her tighter.

Y/n smiled between quick breaths, cupping his face and kissing him deeply. “Then what?” she teased.

“Then you'll leave your job and spend the days throwing my money away,” he said, his voice low and intense.

“I don't know if it feels better what you do or what you say,” she admitted, her body arching into his touch. “Harder, love. Don't be scared, I won't break.”

Kaz obliged, increasing his intensity, his mind and body completely consumed by her. Every touch, every word, every shared breath solidified his desire to make her his in every way possible. He moved with purpose, his grip tightening on her hips as he thrust deeper, his eyes locked onto hers, drinking in every expression of pleasure that crossed her face.

“More, love, please, don’t stop talking,” she pleaded, her voice a mixture of desperation and ecstasy.

“You're everything to me, Y/n,” he murmured, his words punctuated by the rhythm of their movements. “I need you, every day, every night. I want to wake up next to you, fall asleep holding you.”

Her hands clutched at his back, nails digging into his skin as she pulled him closer, urging him to go harder, faster. “Yes, baby, just like that,” she moaned, her head falling back against the pillow, lost in the sensations he was giving her.

“You’re mine,” he growled, his voice rough with emotion. 

She responded with a cry of pleasure, her body trembling beneath him. Her voice hitched as a wave of ecstasy washed over her, her muscles tensing and then releasing in a shuddering climax.

He watched her, mesmerized by the sight of her unraveling beneath him, and it pushed him over the edge. With a final, deep thrust, he followed her into bliss, his own release crashing through him with an intensity that left him breathless.

For a few moments, they lay tangled together, their breaths mingling as they came down from the high. Kaz’s hands caressed her skin, his touch gentle and reverent. His mind was a mix of intricate thoughts, emotions swirling within him like a storm.

“Y/n, I—” he began, his voice tinged with vulnerability.

“Don’t,” she cut him off harshly, her tone sharp enough to slice through the intimacy of the moment.

Kaz sighed, looking at her. Her hair was a wild mess on the pillow, a halo of disarray framing her face. Her neck bore a small constellation of his bites, each mark a testament to their passion. It was really difficult to concentrate on rational thoughts when she looked so utterly captivating.

“But—” he tried again, the words slipping out before he could stop them.

“I’ll run away if you say it,” she warned, her eyes flashing with fear and determination.

Kaz paused, his heart pounding in his chest. He could see the conflict in her eyes, the war between her desire to stay close and her instinct to push him away. He knew this was a delicate moment, one that required careful handling.

“Alright,” he conceded softly, his hand tracing a soothing path along her arm. “Would you? Move in with me?”

Y/n sighed, her eyes flickering with uncertainty. “Why do you want to rush things?”

“We could be roommates,” he laughed, trying to lighten the mood. “I promise I’m not that messy.”

“Yeah, sure, let’s complicate things a bit more,” she replied, a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

“That’s the spirit, love,” he said, grinning at her.

She rolled her eyes but couldn’t hide the small smile tugging at her lips. “I won’t leave my job, Kaz. You know that, right?”

“I’ll keep checking,” he replied, his tone serious despite the playful banter. He wanted her to know that he was committed to supporting her, no matter what.

Y/n hummed softly, resting her head on his chest. “I can’t stop thinking about all the fun things I’m going to teach you. I’ll make you my perfect toy boy.”

Kaz chuckled, running his fingers through her hair. “Toy boy? I’m older than you, you know.”

“Shut up,” she retorted, smacking his chest lightly. “Age doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’ll learn.”

“Learn what, exactly?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh, so many things,” she purred, her voice taking on a teasing edge. “You’ll just have to wait and see.”

Kaz felt a rush of excitement at her words. Despite the complexities of their relationship, the idea of exploring new experiences together was undeniably appealing. “I’m looking forward to it,” he admitted, his voice low and sincere.

“I am crazy for how talkative you become once you start to get loose,” she said, tracing patterns on his chest with her finger.

Kaz laughed softly, the sound rumbling in his chest. “I suppose you bring that out in me.”

“Good to know,” she replied with a playful grin, leaning up to press a kiss against his chin.

He captured her lips in a gentle kiss, savoring the taste of her. 

***

Kaz waited anxiously through the entire birthday dinner, hoping that Y/n would change her mind and show up. Even that morning, she had assured him she didn’t, but still, he held onto a flicker of hope. Throughout the evening, everyone kept asking about Inej, and Kaz did his best to dodge the questions. Their texts had grown increasingly sparse, and she had only called briefly to wish him a happy birthday while Y/n was still asleep next to him.

After dinner, the plan was to meet at the Crow Club. Naturally, the birthday boys went together, and that year it was Kaz’s turn to stay somewhat sober and drive. They were halfway there when Y/n called him. Kaz answered from the car, his heart skipping a beat. “Y/n, you’re on speaker. Jesper’s here.” He really hoped that she had changed her mind and was ready to join the rest of the party.

But her voice trembled, sending a chill down his spine. “Aleksander, where are you taking me?”

Kaz and Jesper exchanged puzzled looks. “Relax, doll, it’s just a drive,” the unfamiliar voice replied.

“You kidnapped me, you’re pointing a gun at me and driving like a madman. I tend to worry in these situations,” Y/n’s voice quivered with fear.

Kaz’s blood ran cold. He exchanged a worried glance with Jesper, who was now just as tense.

“You know I would never hurt you, doll,” Aleksander said with a sinister calm.

“I’m pretty sure you already broke two of my ribs,” she shot back, the fear barely masked by her sarcasm.

Kaz and Jesper paled at the sound of a sinister laugh on the other end of the line. “I did it for you, so maybe you’ll stop being a stupid slut.”

“Where are we going?” Y/n asked, her voice a mixture of fear and defiance.

“To our place, of course.”

“Maybe I need a reminder. You know, I have so many boyfriends to keep track of,” she said, trying to buy time.

“You know where,” Aleksander responded ominously.

“Alex,-” her voice cut off sharply.

“Are you on the phone with someone? You fucking whore,” Aleksander snarled.

They heard the noise of a commotion, then Y/n’s piercing scream, “It’s at the old lighthouse, Kaz, please help me!”

The phone call ended abruptly, leaving a deafening silence in the car. 

[kit-williams]

Yandere Konrad

tw: baby trapping, Konrad Curze/Night Haunter having unhealthy interpersonal relationships, obsession, yandere

@bispecsual @egrets-not-regrets @moodymisty @bleedingichorhearts @liar-anubiass-blog

@thevoidscreams @barn-anon @gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan @squishyowl @ms--lobotomy

@nekotaetae @sleepyfan-blog

I took Liberties with the word night haunter in nostroman using the latin of the word haunted: Uada and adding the prefix from this "asha" which is theorized to be first person so its more so "I haunted"

He coos at you his little scribe... he remembers first meeting you... your eyes sparkled so brightly. You weren't from Nostromo so he tried to not judge so harshly... your being... your presence... your aura... tasted sweeter and clean when you were in his presence doing what you were told. Being good till he remembers hesitating one time trying to remember what Father had called him and you opened your mouth for a moment before closing it. It wasn't your job to speak it was your job to listen and write.

"What is it little scribe." He spoke.

He could hear the way you swallowed your saliva the nervousness in your heartbeat, "Do you have another title you go by?"

You were the first Scribe to ask that, "Solruthis Uadasha. The Night Haunter in gothic." He replied as he watched you pull out a smaller journal and scribble it down quickly. His eyes watched the way your mouth tried to mimic the same words and sounds. He moved closer and closer gently correcting your pronunciation of his name.

"Do you prefer to be called this?"

"Yes."

You just nod as he sees you read over something and smile. "Few smile like that when learning my name little scribe." He speaks calmly.

"It is probably because I am not Nostroman that I find it appealing. Also the fact your name starts with Sol." He did not stop you so you continued oblivious to the darkness in his eyes, "Sol is the name for the star in the Terra system. And if you shorten your name to Sol well I find it very fitting to be in the presence of a sun." You said dooming yourself with a smile.

Sol and Uada is how you shortened his name; when he let you. His skin crawled pleasantly when you called him Sol with such tender affection as you were so easily distracted away from noticing the madness filling his gaze. You hardly noticed how fewer and fewer scribes would be working for important events... oh it was far too late when you noticed how close to the gates of hell you were.

Sex upon Nostromo was always a transaction... that was not the case for you. You had no ulterior wants when you let the Primarch ruin your body. "Sol... Sol...Sol..." You would chant and slur out as his body would rock against yours or as you bounced down on him. He was no better than any of the scum on his home planet as he took so much more from you during sex. Boundaries you tried to keep up crumbled under his wills and want and besides... few could say they took a primarch raw.

You didn't know yet. It was clear to the Primarch as you sat with the other scribes... you didn't know what half of the transaction he had given you. He tried to warn you that sex always was a transaction upon Nostromo... you simply wanted the emotional connection and to express your affection for the Primarch in such a human way... what he wanted? To give you his baby. To keep you by his side.

He found you sitting in the bathroom in your room retching up your breakfast as his eyes look over the recent medica report just sitting on your desk with the blood work telling them that you were pregnant. You look up at him with a soft whimper, "Sol, Please don't be mad." He allowed himself to be caught holding your recent medica report.

His face not betraying his giddiness he felt , his voice not betraying the way his hearts rushed with excitement. You wouldn't leave now. "My little Sorsollia... why would I be mad?" He moves far more like a creature with the way he cocks his head to the side as he slowly moves closer and closer as she lets him enter the space... crouching with ease as he grins as he nuzzles the top of her head, "I figured I was unable to create in this way." He tilts her head up slightly, "I should be asking... are you mad at me?"

Your sparkling eyes look away for a moment but unlike his brother Fulgrim he knows his prey so well... your eyes return to meet his own, "No... I'm not mad. It's just an accident." Your mouth hangs open as sadness fills your scent, "I've... I've ruined my career." You cover your face with your hands. "I... I... I... I'll be utterly blacklisted." You say as your fear and despair tastes so delightful as he pulls you closer to him. "I don't know what to do." You say as you start to cry just confused... so far away from what you know...

"Shhh shh Sorsollia... " He has you look up at him again, "Have you forgotten whom the father is?" He trills as his accent thickens just leaning in and kissing her neck... trailing up to kiss those tears away as he moves with ease out of the confined space. "I will take care of this... this should be seen as something to be celebrated. " He croons as he carries you off trying not to wickedly grin at how he's insured that you cannot and will not want to leave his side.

[ithaquasbbg]

I’m back :3

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Frederick Kreiburg | Composer general relationship headcanons

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Tw: Brief mentions of mental illness but that’s it.

Extra: I love this guy so much I wish he was a little more popular among the fandom :,))

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|🩷| Starting off generally- Frederick seems like the type to be hard to get to know. He doesn’t have large amounts of trust for the people around him, and seems to prefer to be on his own. You’d need to put in effort in order to be in a relationship with him.

|🩷| He’s somewhere between pretty and handsome, though probably leaning a little more towards the feminine side.

|🩷| Frederick is insecure when it comes to his looks, often worrying that you’d only be interested in his looks instead of him as a person. You can compliment his appearance, but he might start getting anxious if that’s the only thing you pull attention to.

|🩷| Sure, he’s been in relationships and flings with many people before, he does have a reputation for wooing people. However, he’s never truly been loved by another person. Because of this, he probably is inexperienced in terms of real romantic acts.

|🩷| On top of his, his childhood doesn’t seem like it was very loving, and he may close up when met with physical affection or kisses for a while. When it happens, he often stares dumbfounded for a while. (It’s cute, but a little sad at the same time)

|🩷| He’s very fond of gift giving, though that’s largely because it’s what he’s used to. At the beginning of a relationship he’d likely believe it to be transactional like his past ones and in turn treats it that way.

|🩷| Though as he gets more comfortable his gifts slowly become less monetary in terms of value, and he’d instead compose and play songs for you as his gifts.

|🩷| When it comes to receiving, he’d likely take time to understand why you’re doing things for him, but he’d be very happy with words of affirmation or acts of service. Remind him that he’s valuable to you because he’s himself, not because he gives you things.

|🩷| In all honesty he strikes me as being potentially on the autism spectrum (self projecting a little) and he may not handle touch well due to sensory problems, but occasionally even he’ll find himself longing to hold onto another person.

|🩷| Frederick is not a fan of PDA, and would rather not be touched in public. This is in part due to him being rather touch adverse, but also because he was raised to be very prim and proper, and likely didn’t receive public affection as a child.

|🩷| That being said, on days where he’s willing to touch you and you’re both in private he probably is quite reserved about it. Making excuses to make contact with you such as “you have a hair in your face”.

|🩷| Occasionally he’ll hug you from behind and bury his head into your shoulder or hair depending on the height difference between you two. Hes on the taller side (I’d guess around 5’11- 6’1) and would probably resort to the latter.

|🩷| In terms of big spoon and little spoon… he’s not a spoon. Frederick is a knife.

|🩷| In all seriousness he’s simply not the most cuddly person ever, but will cuddle occasionally. Because of how touch adverse he tends to be you usually let him initiate it, and he typically ends up as the big spoon.

|🩷| He can make a really good little spoon too, especially if he’s the more submissive PERSONALITY (not freaky… this is a holy x reader blog for now!!) in a relationship. Though even then you’d likely need to pull him into that position after he’s fallen asleep, he’d be too embarrassed to be awake in that position.

|🩷| He strikes me as a closeted bisexual, perhaps pansexual. I wouldn’t see him being entirely opposed to polyamorous relationships, but I think he’d likely feel much more secure in a monogamous relationship.

|🩷| He’s a good kisser when he’s open to kissing, probably one of the things he’s the most experienced with in terms of relationships.

|🩷| On top of that he can be quite charming, he knows how to use his words to woo a person through past experiences. Though even then, don’t expect anything too bold from him.

|🩷| Frederick is decisive and can be quite stubborn, he likes to be the one making choices and can come off a little bratty in these situations. But truth be told, he simply wants to know that you respect his thought process and opinions. Please let him make choices from time to time, it really makes him feel more appreciated.

|🩷| He’s an easy person to fluster if you know what buttons to press. Public intimacy is a good shortcut to flustering him some days (going back to this topic. Whoops.) Frederick is pale, and there’s no way to hide the blush on his cheeks.

|🩷| His favorite nicknames for you are probably quite tame if he even uses them. The only one I could really see him using is the occasional “dear”

|🩷| Though you may catch him calling you “his angel” from time to time.

|🩷| Frederick strikes me as somebody who you would call things like “darling” and he’d enjoy it. You could call him “sweetheart” but he’d likely just be confused on why anyone would consider him of all people sweet.

|🩷| Due to his mental health struggles he’s probably somebody who needs a partner willing to put in lots of energy, but he’d totally give 110% back in return.

|🩷| Frederick can function on his own especially after being disowned. This comes out when you’re sick the most, he’ll make you food or drinks and stay by your side as much as he’s able to.

|🩷| His hair would likely be quite nice to play with, and with enough convincing he would probably allow you to fidget with it while he does other things. It’s the least overstimulating type of touch for him, and he’d appreciate your contact even if it’s only through that. :)

[aspd-culture]

Welcome back. You’re very informative.

I’m very confused about how numerous people, from you, to other antisocial people speaking from their experiences (some of which I learned are actually friends) to prosocial researchers of ASPD say that antisocial people see relationships as transactional. It’s not weird that you guys see it that way, it’s more like “and prosocials… don’t???” Because I’m certain I’m prosocial. I’m neurodivergent, sure, but no signs of ASPD. So, how do most prosocial people typically view relationships if they’re not transactional?

So I find prosocials and pwASPD both tend to think “but doesn’t everybody” when we hear this - it’s a super undescriptive term - but we’re thinking different things define something as transactional. We also see the reason for that transaction to be different.

From a prosocial generally, they’ll mean “I only want to be around people that ‘don’t drain my energy’, that don’t just take take take, that we mutually enjoy the friendship/relationship and want to be around each other”. That’s kinda their definition of getting something out of it, and they want everyone to get something out of it. If they’re draining you, they want you to be free of it so you can be happy, and the transactions involved can be purely emotional/vibes. The reason they feel this way is a desire for positive and enjoyable social connection; the consequence for an uneven/bad/missing transaction is discomfort and wasting their time in negative experiences and generally feeling bad in association with that person.

PwASPD see those transactions very very literally. There’s no vibes nor emotions in the transactions, those are either a reaction to the transaction or a bonus. We mean that we are getting something tangible or practical out of it. Rides, help with things we can’t or don’t want to do alone, sex, maybe even the social relief from the annoyance of “why don’t you ever talk to anyone?” coming from all sides. We also don’t always care if it’s even on the other person’s end. If they’re ok driving me everywhere/if they do it and don’t say or show they’re uncomfortable, then I will assume they are fine with that piece of the transaction. If I’m taking more than I’m giving and they seem chill with that then I’ll accept it. However, I won’t give them *nothing* and that’s because of our reason for transactions - it’s dangerous otherwise. First off, I have shit I need I can’t get myself as much as it sucks, so I need to be around people. But if we need something from them, what we learned in our childhoods is that we don’t get that for free. There’s always something over your head. A lot of pwASPD had friends or caregivers that would hold favors or even *basic, legally-mandated caregiving* over our heads as though we didn’t deserve it. Often our value was determined as a child by what we provided, and since children can’t provide much, we were worthless and not deserving of good treatment.

This is part of the reason (TW non-descriptive CSA mention, skip to the next paragraph if you want) that people thought ASPD was directly correlated with CSA for a long time - many cases of long term CSA come from either “I’ll give you x/do x for you if you help me with this” or worse, doing something first then saying “but I gave you X!/did X for you! I wouldn’t have if I knew you’d act like this”, often call us selfish if we tried to say no and maybe get aggressive or forceful after, and that is an easy lead-in to our view of interactions.

So a lot of us see it that if we want to be safe/know we can continue to get what we need, we HAVE to be giving them something. If you claim you like being around me “just to be around me” or worse that you’re willing to do something for me “just because I want to”, that’s not safe. You want something from me and I’ll give it to you - just tell me what it is. If you’re not telling me, that means it’s not good or you’re just gonna decide later that I’m selfish. You might hurt me to get what you want and justify it with this. Take something from my side so we’re even, because even means safe. Even means I get access to what I need and you get access to what you need - so now we’re both using this relationship/friendship/etc for something and you wouldn’t wanna mess that up by putting me in danger any more than I’d want to mess it up by putting you in danger.

Of course, not every prosocial sees it the first way and not every pwASPD had those experiences and/or sees it that way. But that’s what I’ve found to be common. If you see “they make me happy” as what your or their end of the transaction is, it’s definitely a prosocial response, maybe with the exception of thinking of it as “getting their brain to dopamine/oxytocin” vs caring how they’re actually feeling. If not, if you need it to be practical, that’s definitely transactional.

It’s important to note this is personal relationships with no practical consequences to ending the relationship - most people see relationships (platonic) with coworkers or managers as transactional and that’s a way I usually explain it to prosocials (“do you deal with your boss bc you like them or bc they sign your check - and would your boss keep you hired if you didn’t do your job because you make them happy just by being there?”). But with a romantic or sexual partner, a friend, etc. this is not a typical view of relationships.

That said - you can *absolutely* not have ASPD and have transactional view of relationships. It’s not a 1:1 thing there; not everyone with ASPD has it and not every prosocial doesn’t. It’s just a really common piece of the puzzle that is this personality disorder.

Edit: ack I’m so sorry I forgot to add the csa tw tags they’re there now.

Plain text below the cut:

So I find prosocials and pwASPD both tend to think “but doesn’t everybody” when we hear this - it’s a super undescriptive term - but we’re thinking different things define something as transactional. We also see the reason for that transaction to be different.

From a prosocial generally, they’ll mean “I only want to be around people that ‘don’t drain my energy’, that don’t just take take take, that we mutually enjoy the friendship/relationship and want to be around each other”. That’s kinda their definition of getting something out of it, and they want everyone to get something out of it. If they’re draining you, they want you to be free of it so you can be happy, and the transactions involved can be purely emotional/vibes. The reason they feel this way is a desire for positive and enjoyable social connection; the consequence for an uneven/bad/missing transaction is discomfort and wasting their time in negative experiences and generally feeling bad in association with that person.

PwASPD see those transactions very very literally. There’s no vibes nor emotions in the transactions, those are either a reaction to the transaction or a bonus. We mean that we are getting something tangible or practical out of it. Rides, help with things we can’t or don’t want to do alone, sex, maybe even the social relief from the annoyance of “why don’t you ever talk to anyone?” coming from all sides. We also don’t always care if it’s even on the other person’s end. If they’re ok driving me everywhere/if they do it and don’t say or show they’re uncomfortable, then I will assume they are fine with that piece of the transaction. If I’m taking more than I’m giving and they seem chill with that then I’ll accept it. However, I won’t give them *nothing* and that’s because of our reason for transactions - it’s dangerous otherwise. First off, I have shit I need I can’t get myself as much as it sucks, so I need to be around people. But if we need something from them, what we learned in our childhoods is that we don’t get that for free. There’s always something over your head. A lot of pwASPD had friends or caregivers that would hold favors or even *basic, legally-mandated caregiving* over our heads as though we didn’t deserve it. Often our value was determined as a child by what we provided, and since children can’t provide much, we were worthless and not deserving of good treatment.

This is part of the reason (TW non-descriptive CSA mention, skip to the next paragraph if you want) that people thought ASPD was directly correlated with CSA for a long time - many cases of long term CSA come from either “I’ll give you x/do x for you if you help me with this” or worse, doing something first then saying “but I gave you X!/did X for you! I wouldn’t have if I knew you’d act like this”, often call us selfish if we tried to say no and maybe get aggressive or forceful after, and that is an easy lead-in to our view of interactions.

So a lot of us see it that if we want to be safe/know we can continue to get what we need, we HAVE to be giving them something. If you claim you like being around me “just to be around me” or worse that you’re willing to do something for me “just because I want to”, that’s not safe. You want something from me and I’ll give it to you - just tell me what it is. If you’re not telling me, that means it’s not good or you’re just gonna decide later that I’m selfish. You might hurt me to get what you want and justify it with this. Take something from my side so we’re even, because even means safe. Even means I get access to what I need and you get access to what you need - so now we’re both using this relationship/friendship/etc for something and you wouldn’t wanna mess that up by putting me in danger any more than I’d want to mess it up by putting you in danger.

Of course, not every prosocial sees it the first way and not every pwASPD had those experiences and/or sees it that way. But that’s what I’ve found to be common. If you see “they make me happy” as what your or their end of the transaction is, it’s definitely a prosocial response, maybe with the exception of thinking of it as “getting their brain to dopamine/oxytocin” vs caring how they’re actually feeling. If not, if you need it to be practical, that’s definitely transactional.

It’s important to note this is personal relationships with no practical consequences to ending the relationship - most people see relationships (platonic) with coworkers or managers as transactional and that’s a way I usually explain it to prosocials (“do you deal with your boss bc you like them or bc they sign your check - and would your boss keep you hired if you didn’t do your job because you make them happy just by being there?”). But with a romantic or sexual partner, a friend, etc. this is not a typical view of relationships.

That said - you can *absolutely* not have ASPD and have transactional view of relationships. It’s not a 1:1 thing there; not everyone with ASPD has it and not every prosocial doesn’t. It’s just a really common piece of the puzzle that is this personality disorder.

Edit: ack I’m so sorry I forgot to add the csa tw tags they’re there now.

[sagethegaywitch]

Yandere Savanaclaw Headcanons

GN reader

TW: yandere behavior, killing mentioned, stalking, threatening mentioned

Genre: yandere

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Lenoa Kingscholar:

Because of him always being the second choice, when he decided that he liked you, he also decided that he will finally get what he wants.

While he may appear lazy and disinterested, he spends his hours adamantly stalking you.  When others think he’s sleeping in the greenhouse, he’s actually watching you from the windows of the classrooms.  He’s very sneaky, but he’s almost been caught by some teachers a couple of times.

Will use his power as Housewarden to force his dorm members to keep an eye on you when he can’t, but he usually trusts Ruggie with that task.  He will offer Ruggie money and food in exchange for your safety and not a word spoken about the transaction.

You will become closer friends with Ruggie because he’s always hanging around you when Leona is in his classes or taking a quick nap.

When you eventually become closer friends, he will offer to let you take naps with him.  He may seem nonchalant, but he’s secretly giddy inside as he takes you to his favorite napping spots.

Will use you as a body pillow, wrapping his arms around you and dangling his legs with yours.

His favorite sleeping positions include burying his face in your stomach while hugging your waist and having you rest on top of his chest with his arms wrapped around you.

Will spoil you, but will pass it off as a chore even though he gets you some really expensive stuff.

He’ll gift you a nice bracelet that he had shipped all the way from Sunset Savanna, but he’ll just say it's because his brother sent him an extra by accident.

Will put money in your lunch account so that you don’t have to pay for lunch anymore, but the cafeteria staff will only say that it was donated to you by a special someone.

He got you something nice for your birthday?  Oh, it’s only because it’s your special day and it's expected for people to get you nice gifts.

He’s not terribly jealous of others because he knows he has the power to smite them. But if you spend too much time away from him, he’s dragging you away for nap time, laying on top of you so you have no choice but to be his human pillow.

If things got really messy, like someone asked you to be their partner, Leona will not hesitate to take them out.  He’d probably do it in a blind fit of rage, making the scene unnecessarily bloody and messy, but it’ll be a quick death.  He’ll probably ask Ruggie to clean up later, but he’d want to hide the incident because he doesn’t need it reported and get an earful from Falena.

Overall, Leona may appear uninterested in pursuing a relationship with you, but he’s actually more involved in your life than you know.  He has a Danger Level of 9/10 even though his jealousy level is pretty low. If he gets really pissed off, it’ll end in a blood bath that nobody, except Ruggie, would ever know about.  If he pays off the right people, he can get away with these little “accidents” without so much a smack on the wrist.

Ruggie Bucchi:

He views you as the most valuable thing in the world.  Because of his rough upbringing, Ruggie has learned to appreciate what he has and to never want more than is achievable.

But when he saw you, he knew that he had to have you.  You were just so perfect and so different from the life he’s been living.

Because he often does exchanges with people for favors, he’ll probably bring that into your relationship as well.

It’ll probably start with him asking favors as usual, like helping you with homework to get you to buy him lunch.

Later, he’ll learn that he doesn’t need to ask you for favors since you’re always willing to help him out.  Now you offer to get him lunch without him needing to give you anything back.  At first he’s amazed, but he could never reject anything from you.

Learns to do nice acts back without expecting anything in return.  He’ll give you some wildflowers he personally picked and offer to carry your bags because he loves you, not because he wants anything anymore.

Will always give you food because of how scarce it was back home.  He views it as the highest gift he is able to give.

Will do extra chores for Leona to get more money to be able to buy you the best snacks.  He’ll grumble the entire time he’s completing the task, but your smile is always worth it in the end.

He’ll always accept your gifts, especially if it's food.  You’ll definitely get bonus points if you made it yourself.  After he’s gotten a taste of your cooking/baking, he’ll be shy to ask for more, but he’d do anything to taste your delicious food again.

Ruggie is a jealous type, and he won’t tolerate other people giving you food or you giving food to other people.  He’ll get offended because it makes it look like he’s not a good provider and that you’re valuing your relationships with other people over your friendship with him.

He’d probably corner the poor person later on and threaten them to stay away from you.  He’s a sly hyena and knows a lot of gossip, and it'd be such a shame if a nasty rumor started to spread around school.

He’s usually pretty good about letting you do your own thing because he doesn’t want to appear too clingy, but he’d probably stage something to spend more time with you.

Oh, you must help him find Leona!  He hasn’t shown up for most of his classes today and he needs an extra pair of eyes to find the lazy Housewarden before they all get in trouble.

You need to head back to your dorm?  Maybe Ruggie can tag along.  He really wants to learn the recipe of those cookies you made for him last week.

Overall, Ruggie is healing from his childhood, and he’s embraced you as his role model.  He has a Danger Level of 4/10 because he’d never use physical force against his enemies, he’d just spread some foul rumors and get his victim excluded and isolated at worst.  As your relationship continues, he will slowly stray from doing things that just benefit him, to doing things that benefit you two as a couple.

Jack Howl:

Is a precious boy who just wants to gain your affection, and fully leans into the dog part of his appearance to get it.

At first will try to win your love by letting you, and only you, pet his fluffy ears and his tail.  He’s seen you eyeing them during class and when you pass each other in the hallways, and thinks it's a pretty good way to strike up a conversation.

When the relationship eventually becomes a friendship, he will even break the rules and use his unique magic to transform into a wolf for you cuddle with, using his cute factor to the max.

He puts on a tough façade only because that’s what is expected from a Savanaclaw member, but he’s secretly a sweetheart for you.

Flips like a switch when he knows he’s alone with you, but he flips back equally as fast if someone wanders by.

Will give you small snacks or might even buy you lunch as a way to apologize for his distant behavior.  He also sees this as a way to elevate your friendship because these cute little exchanges are what couples do too.

You definitely have scary dog privileges because of Jack’s dorm, his sheer size, and intimidating expressions.  You can be as carefree as you want because he’ll always be watching and protecting you, even if you aren’t aware he’s around.

He won’t be suffocating in this relationship because he rather you come to him.  It shows him that you truly value your friendship and really appreciate his presence.

Will let you spend time away from him, but he will always be a safe distance away to silently watch over you and protect you from potential dangers.

Will only seek your attention when you haven’t hung out with him in a while, like you've spent too much time with Ace and Deuce.  He will be too shy to be straightforward so he’ll make up an excuse like wanting to eat lunch together or wanting to study for an upcoming test to spend time with you.

Will always put your needs before his, like helping you finish your homework first before doing his.

He often stays up late some nights to finish homework because he’s too busy helping or stalking you.  Don’t feel too bad though, he enjoys every second of it because it meant that he got to see you for more hours of the day.

Is not very dangerous, the most he’d probably do to rivals would be roughing them up a bit to give them a clear warning.

Will not injure enemies to the extent of a hospital stay, but might toss them around and threaten them, claiming he knows everything about them and who he needs to hurt to make them run off in fear.

Overall, Jack is a very loving yandere and needy for attention, which he’d never admit aloud.  He’s willing to put in the work to slowly entice you into a relationship with him.  He has a Danger Level of 2/10, only because the worst he would do is rough play with someone coupled with some nasty threats.  He truly values your friendship and gives you all the freedoms you could crave, and he really just wants you to love him back.

[sillybruja]

**TW!!** ab*se, s*xual ab*se, stalking

yeah 12H & 8H synastry is hard in any relationship but have you ever had 8H or 12H synastry with your own parents??? Okay so let's talk about it.

My Dad & I having 12H synastry

My dad's venus, NN, Saturn, & Chiron are in my 12H. None of my plants touch his 12H. In my experience, this has pretty much made so much sense of the weird relationship i had with my dad. First off, a lot of my planets fall into his 11H so we at some point did have more of a friendship. It felt hard connecting to him like a father tbh. But back to 12H. I always felt like my dad saw me as someone I just was not, or he saw me through the perception of other people. For instance, if I did something he perceived as negative or didn't like, I was "just like my mother". I think in his mind, I literally was just like her (I was def not) and because he viewed me this way I feel he sometimes treated me like I actually was her. The relationship with my dad is not good at all (that can be suggested by my cap uranus/neptune 10H & 12H saturn natal placements) but to me, it always felt like it was not good because my dad was determined to see me in a negative light. It was like he either saw me as an enemy, or had to make me an enemy for whatever reason. I'll be honest, my dad has ab*sed me in many ways throughout my life, and in the worst ways too... all in secret. There were so many secrets about him, and things to this day are still being revealed. I used to compare my dad to an onion -- each peeled layer revealing new "lore" about him. He was involved in dark stuff, and has an interest in the occult. I will leave it at that. Anyways I am sure this can manifest positively but for me, this synastry brought a lot of pain, manipulation, ab*se, power pay dynamics, s*xual ab*se, isolation, HEAVY surveillance (he'd read my diaries, go through my drawers, decide what I could wear out). We are no longer in contact as I am healing and recalling my childhood, and I have no plans rekindling that relationship. We have not formally spoken in almost 2 years, but he often makes fake accounts on social media to reach out to me, "confess" what he's done, apologize, and beg for my attention. The last he has done this was February this year, so stalking can be an issue too. But, even though I am in no contact, my dad haunted me for a while. He was like the devil on my shoulder, the monster under my bed, the sleep demon in my subconscious... 12H synastry with your parents can be very precious and sweet, but it could also manifest as your parents literally being your worst nightmare. He was mine.

My Mom & I having 8H Synastry:

My mom's moon & Neptune are in my 8H, and I have no planets making contact with her 8H. Our relationship is... complicated. What I can say is, she is just as abusive as my father, and has a sick mind. Or at least, there's something wrong with the way she thinks about people -- I sort of feel like she sees people as objects, or as a means of getting things (I think she's narcissistic). But when it comes to me... i feel like our relationship has always been emotionally distant, and transactional. My mom started making money and gaining attention off of me when I was a toddler. She used to dress me up and make me take "photoshoots" which I have lots of questions about. She claims she sold them to magazines. Or, as I got older, she would push me into doing contests that involved being in the public, or "preforming" -- all for some sort of gain. If I was not doing that, she put me in surveys to earn extra money to give to her. My mother is very greedy, very private, very malicious on an internal front. Her moon in my 8H really makes sense to me because I have never really felt like my mother was honest about how she felt about me, or she concealed her true feelings for me very well. To her core, I think she sees me as competition which is weird. But that's exactly how most of my life has been with her -- if I got an ounce of attention for something I did, she would do something to garner more attention for herself -- good and bad. Hidden motives, and dark feelings were prevalent with her. I am not exaggerating but there have been times (even still) where I question if it's not that she doesn't like me....but she actually hates me? The lines are blurred because she has hurt me in ways I imagine one would if they hated someone, let alone their daughter. Her Neptune in my 8H reminds me of how hard I tried to see the good in her, probably for too long, and up to a delusional point. I idealized her when the reality was that she was not just a neglectful, but abusive mother as well. She created a lot of illusions in me about different people in my life, and really caused me lots of mental distress at a young age. I definitely had to pull away from her all together to fully understand how this relationship affected me on a psychological level. SOOOO yeah. Of course this is just MY experience having these aspects with my parents and of course there's other aspects that can make this situation look different for everyone. Do you have any 8H/12H synastry with your parents? what does that look like for you?

[theoi-crow]

TW: religious trauma, threat mention, weapons mention, child neglect, homophobia, abuse, coercion and religious PTSD.

Why fearing a deity keeps me from developing a genuine relationship with that same deity.

I grew up Catholic and one of the first things my mother taught me was the concept of Heaven and Hell. Essentially after death one gets judged based on the actions they took while they were still living and is either rewarded with heaven or punished with hell. It was a simple concept to understand but it brought up a question that ultimately made me leave the religion.

Do I genuinely love God or am I afraid of his wrath? (Like a held hostage who is coerced into choosing options that won't upset my captor out of fear of his retaliation)

Even the reward of eternal bliss felt like it was designed to lessen the threat of eternal damnation as a consolation prize for all those years of panic attacks and anxiety over the thought of being sent to Hell. I always hoped for a third milder option that allowed me the freedom to develop a genuine relationship with God without said god having to rely on coercion. I wanted to experience an honest relationship without a weapon pressed against my back in case I made the wrong move or asked the wrong question.

Due to this looming threat, the relationship I had with God felt transactional and lacked genuine affection because I knew God's love for me was conditional and depended on me following arbitrary rules from a book written by a lot of different people (each author having their own agenda different from the rest so they were constantly contradicting each other because the different entries were written in different time periods and places with vastly different political movements specific to their locations and situations but were combined together, like a mass Tumblr post with over 50 blogs that don't all agree on what the rules should be).

The many rules always made me feel like Alice playing a game with the Queen of Hearts with rules that were unclear and no one was interested in explaining them to me until I did something they didn't like and were able to find something in the book that condemned me for it.

Having to adhere to these rules in order for me to be rewarded and not punished felt like a relationship between a gay child and homophobic parents that expected said child to act a certain way. If that child obeyed, they were rewarded with affection and approval, but if said child didn't, they were kicked out and forced to fend for themselves against a world that wasn't built to protect and help gay children. Being Christian felt like I had a leash around my neck being held by an entity that constantly told me he loved me, so long as I did what I was told.

I didn't think it was possible to love a deity without fearing them until I met my gods.

According to the ancient Greeks: Once a human dies they go to Hades. Unless they make some kind of undeniable mark in the world everyone goes to Hades.

If you were a famous and exceptional human that changed the world in a positive way you'd go to Elysium but you purposefully had to do something so extraordinary your legacy and name became well known because according to the Elysium wiki, in the beginning "only mortals related to the gods and other heroes could be admitted past the river Styx. Later, the conception of who could enter was expanded to include those chosen by the gods, the righteous, and the heroic." (LINK) The ancient Greeks believed the gods were in charge of giving people fame because those who were famous were often related to the gods (for example: people believed Pythagoras (the one that the Pythagorean theorem is named after) was either the son of Apollo, or Apollo himself: (LINK)

Tartarus is strictly for gods and humans can't go there but the worst humans are still punished by Hades as shown in the myths of Sisyphus (LINK) and Tantalus (LINK) but you have to royally eff up. You have to do it on purpose like enacting laws that target vulnerable people (both Sisyphus and Tantalus were kings and politically involved) or commiting mass genocide as examples of the severity I'm talking about. These are crimes against humanity you cannot accidentally do, they involve terrible deeds that are premeditated with the intent of destroying the lives of innocent people.

But if my main problem is the concept of Heaven/Hell, why am I bringing up Elysium, Hades and Tartarus, concepts that influenced how Heaven and Hell work? (LINK)

Because unless you choose to dedicate your life, time and energy and become famous for making an undeniable mark in history (an effort that isn't just you doing normal good deeds or making mistakes you later regret but actually dedicating your life and becoming well known for your efforts like activist Greta Thunberg, or purposefully hurting innocent people like serial killer Ted Bundy) everyone else goes to Hades and I love that because when I work with my gods I may not get automatic access to Elysium but there is no threat of eternal punishment either.

Which means I interact with my gods because I want to!

Not because I'll be rewarded or punished but because I want to interact with them and develop a genuine connection with them! There's no condition of me needing to convert others, in fact I don't even have to tell people I believe in them! (the gods understand the world can be a dangerous place for their followers due to the many religious wars and religious politicians in power).

I'm not required to talk about them! I'm not even required to keep this blog but I do it because I genuinely love them and I love talking about them! I've even changed majors mid semester in order to dedicate my life to learning about them. I'm studying to become an archeologist who specializes in the ancient Greek religion in order to make that information more accessible to Hellenic Polytheists and anyone else interested in the gods. I don't do it so the gods will reward me because I don't need them to, they will be just as happy if I delete this blog, quit my career and go about my day living my life. I do it because I love learning about the gods and I want to share the information I learned in case it helps those that are interested learn more about their gods too!

I've even made it my mission on Tumblr to share what I've learned about the gods to hopefully help others connect with their gods more easily especially for those who are having trouble connecting with them. And this was all unprompted. The gods literally had nothing to do with this. It was my own choice because there is a specific god I sometimes have trouble connecting with due to varying factors and it makes me feel awful when I can't connect with him, especially when I need his guidance the most so I want to help others avoid experiencing that feeling by letting them know they're not alone and helping them figure out what's blocking their connection because it can be a miserable experience.

My favorite part about a lack of reward and punishment is having the confidence to say I seek the gods because I want to seek the gods.

I walk with the gods because I want to walk with the gods. This is my will, my choice, and mine alone. No one is forcing me to do it and there isn't some big prize at the end if I do, I can stop anytime I want and nothing will happen. I have made an independent choice to seek the gods, meet them and got to know them and I can genuinely say I love them more than I ever thought was possible. I do.

I love my gods.

[thedaythatwas]

TW: Hegel.

So, what’s up with Shuake and dialectics? Click below to watch this user (who is not a philosopher) give this (frankly too invested) analysis a shot!

Something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately is the fact that most– but not all– of Joker’s confidant routes involve some sort of transaction. Joker does something for someone, Joker gets a favor in return. Joker’s identity revolves around what he can do for others. He’s got a different mask (haha game mechanic is narrative device etc.) for everyone in his life. 

Getting a little bit in my head about this led me to a (not-all-that-novel) realization: Akechi’s confidant route is largely non-transactional. Sure, he says that he wants to meet with you to talk about the Phantom Thieves, but that more or less directly translates to just wanting to hang out with you. The “favor” that you're doing for Akechi, if we follow the logic of some of the other confidant routes, is spending time with him. (Which is of course also about getting close to Joker for metaverse recon purposes… But I’d argue that amounts to more or less the same thing in the long run anyway). Really, that’s what your relationship with him is, up until you realize the heart he needs you to change is actually one of the big-bads of the game. And at that point… Well… 

Where am I going with this? I’ve also been thinking a lot about Hegel (I’ve seen some really fun posting about Akechi and Hegel on here this past week– thank you philosophy P5R tumblr!). Akechi’s paraphrasing of Hegel goes a little something like “advancement cannot occur without both thesis and antithesis.” Hilariously, this is how he frames his desire to talk to you more, his flirting is just like me forreal I understand him etc. etc. BUT! The interesting thing here is that the game is cueing you to view your relationship with Akechi through the lens of Hegel’s dialectics.

More on that to follow, but first, I want to plug the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy’s page on Hegel’s Dialectics here– If you haven’t used it before, SEP is a reliable, peer-reviewed source. It’s great. I use it like. All the time. It’s good for getting the gist of big ideas when you don’t have time to read full texts. (Also if I get any of this wrong please know that philosophy is not my field and I’m totally open to constructive criticism.)

Hegel’s dialectical process revolves around three key moments: the moment of understanding, the dialectical moment, and the speculative moment. These moments can also be referred to as thesis, antithesis, and synthesis. The moment of understanding, thesis, is the point at which an idea is seemingly stable. In the dialectical moment, antithesis, this idea “sublates” itself– the idea is challenged and destabilized because an inherent contradiction in the idea has been made apparent–importantly, part of the idea is preserved. The speculative moment, synthesis, negates the contradiction. A new idea takes form, containing elements of the original idea that was sublated (Marx’s theory of history, anyone?) 

This process continues on and on. Ideas naturally reveal their contradictions, are destabilized, and resolve their contradictions through the creation of a new idea, which is challenged again. This is because the dialectical moment does not come from outside an idea. Antithesis is not an external push against thesis, but rather, the moment when thesis is forced into instability because of its own tightly-bound restriction. 

So back to what I was saying. The game kicks off your relationship with Akechi with a nod to, uh, all of that. Could this be a throwaway comment? Of course! But it’s much more fun to work under the assumption that it isn’t. So bear with me. Akechi is framing himself and Joker as thesis and antithesis. What does that mean? Why do I think it has something to do with Akechi and Joker’s relationship being non-transactional?

Previously, I’ve thought that in the context of their relationship, Akechi represented thesis, and Joker antithesis. This isn’t exactly true (at least per the criteria above) but I do think I was on the right track. 

At the beginning of his story, we can think of Akechi’s worldview as thesis. The world is a stage, and he is a performer. His entire life is dedicated to destroying Shido. It’s a key narrative element of P5 that Akechi doesn’t have confidant relationships (as contrasted by Joker, who has many confidants and becomes stronger through building up those bonds). He views himself as deceiving literally everyone in his life for his goals– his “fans,” his father, the Phantom Thieves. He doesn’t trust, because to him, trust is failure. 

Still, he’s starving for approval, and not just from Shido. You can see the inherent conflict between his desires and beliefs in just about every interaction he has with Joker, particularly those where Akechi overshares about his past. He desperately wants someone to hear him. I don’t think his (primary) aim in that was to strategically win Joker’s trust by showing vulnerability– if that was all he was going for, I doubt Akechi would have been so honest. He omitted information, sure, but he gave Joker the honest-to-god broad strokes of his childhood.  

When Joker comes into his life, Akechi comes to realize that his stable worldview might be wrong. Watching Joker and the rest of the Phantom Thieves reveals the cracks in his own internal logic. Joker has friendships and he is stronger because of them. When Akechi sacrifices himself for the Phantom Thieves on Shido’s ship, we see his moment of synthesis. If Akechi really still internalized all of what he said in his “Teammates? Friends? To hell with that!” monologue, he wouldn’t trust Joker to change Shido’s heart in his stead. To be clear– he probably would have reached this point with or without Joker’s intervention. Joker just happens to push Akechi towards self-sublation a little bit faster.

In Royal, we see a new iteration of Akechi. He doesn’t really regret his actions, and he is still very distinctly Akechi, but we can see that his original perception of the world has made a shift. He is willing to team up with Joker. While he may not place a great deal of faith in all of the PTs, he certainly has real trust in the protagonist. He’s learned that he can be recognized (dare I say loved?) without being perfect, and accordingly, his driving desire for approval has been displaced by his desire to never be so completely under anyone else’s control again.

But ok— that’s kind of an old take. Perhaps a hotter one: I’d also like to propose that Akechi does the same for Joker. 

As mentioned above, Joker’s identity for most of the game is defined by what he can do for the people around him. While a large part of this has to do with the fact that he is a playable character, this is a game, and a game needs to have things for you to do– it wouldn’t be very fun otherwise– it also seems pretty clear that this is part of his characterization. Joker is selfless to a fault. Like Akechi, he is a wildcard who can take on multiple personas. Unlike Akechi, instead of having a handful of personas directly linked to the core of his character development, Joker has as many personas as you want him to. He literally has a mask for every situation. You can equip a persona of the correct arcana to level up your relationships faster– a game mechanic, but also, an interesting meta statement about how Joker bonds with his confidants.

In Royal, however, Joker has the option to do something for himself. His greatest wish isn’t for someone else's happiness– it’s to have Akechi back, for selfish reasons, I would argue. Joker can sacrifice reality to keep him in his life, and depending on the actions you choose to take, sometimes, he does.

Loving Akechi teaches Joker to be selfish. This is especially poignant when you think of how adamantly opposed Akechi is to staying in Maruki's reality. Giving up the true reality to keep Akechi is a wholly selfish act on Joker's part, nothing altruistic about it. And if he doesn't make that choice? Well, don't forget about how Joker spent his wish.

He would have learned how to do this without Akechi– one tends to realize that neverending self-sacrifice is unsustainable sooner rather than later. Again, Akechi just pushes Joker towards effecting that self-sublation a little faster.

By spending time with Joker, Akechi learns that there are people he can truly trust. By spending time with Akechi, Joker learns how to put himself first. Their confidant relationship from this perspective is not only transactional, it’s actually one of the most transactional relationships in the game. Joker actively impacts how Akechi sees himself and the world around him, and vice versa. Their relationship is profoundly transformative for the both of them. To paraphrase Akechi, advancement cannot occur without both thesis and antithesis.

But also, we can forget dialectics for a second. Even without a fun analytical lens, Akechi’s confidant route centers two misunderstood people who find understanding in each other. That’s enough for me!

[realtasagartach]

The Subtle Abuse and Manipulation in Hazbin Hotel

TW: Discussions of abuse, manipulation, and parental alienation

(Alt: The Completely Unnecessary Dick-Measuring Contest Between Two Idiots With Too Much Pride)

Hazbin Hotel has recently released its first season, and I have observations. There are quite a few things I can write about, but I’m going to focus on the fifth episode, “Dad Beat Dad” and its insert song, “Hell’s Greatest Dad” and how completely unnecessary this competition was. But also about something I don't see talked about enough.

The episode opens with Charlie freaking out over why the hotel isn’t working, and Vaggie suggests getting help from her father. Charlie is initially resistant to the idea but perks up at the thought of asking him to get her a meeting with Heaven.

Here, we meet Lucifer. And honestly, I appreciate Lucifer’s depiction in this. He’s awkward, goofy, and “Take that depression” had no right to be that relatable. I’ve read enough about how Lucifer can’t relate to his daughter because his guilt for giving free will bogged down his consciousness. And we see this very clearly in his songs. In “Hell’s Greatest Dad”, he offers Charlie to give her lavish material things and “rig the game because [he’s] the ref”. Peak “I don’t understand another’s feelings, so I’ll supplement it with material objects” kind of transactional relationship, despite Charlie wanting to connect to him on a more personal and emotional level. Something that they achieve in their second song, “More Than Anything”.

But that’s where my analysis of Lucifer will end. For now.

I’d like to focus on Alastor in this essay. Alastor comes into the episode as everyone is getting the hotel ready for Lucifer’s visit, then introduces himself with instant passive-aggression and, “You might have heard of me from my radio broadcast”. To which Lucifer says, “Nope!” insults him right back, and we get Alastor’s first swear word on this show. Hilarious.

Now, it’s clear as day that Alastor’s part in the song was just to get under Lucifer’s skin. Vivziepop even confirmed this and that Alastor doesn’t actually see Charlie as a daughter. (This video at 3:50)

Side Note: The line where Alastor tells Charlie, “You could almost call me ‘Dad’” was the creepiest part of Alastor’s character for me. I’ve had guys try that with me before, which brought up bad memories.

But this entire sequence was more than irritating Lucifer just because he didn’t know who he was. Charlie is very much a sentimental person who likes buzzwords and talking about feelings rather than material items and power. She’s literally the Princess of Hell and refuses to use her authority because “That’s so meeeaan!!!” But this makes her very naïve and susceptible to manipulations.

I’m saying that Alastor competing against Lucifer is unnecessary because there’s no reason to try and sway Charlie from getting her father’s help. Let’s assume that Alastor knew why Lucifer was there. Alastor is an Overlord. He’s right in between the Sinners and the Ars Goetia in Hell’s hierarchy. And he’s not even the strongest Overlord around. He may be consorting with royalty, but nobody respects them. He’s not gaining any power, especially after his seven-year “sabbatical”. He wants a deal with Charlie for whatever reason, so he helps her with her hotel. But even he can’t get the angels to meet with Charlie, which is what she wants.

Alastor is basically abusing Charlie. There’s emotional manipulation, singing, “I’m your guy, your day-to-day, your chum, your steadfast hotelier” and reminding her how much help he’s been to her. And then there’s the parental alienation and isolation with that “dad” line and that, “Sadly, there are times a birth parent is a dud. They say the family you choose is better”. He’s trying to get Lucifer out of Charlie’s support system and is playing on her “daddy issues” to make her trust her more. These are classic abuse tactics to keep the abuser in power. It's not as in your face as Valentino with Angel Dust, but it's still there if you listen to the song.

As someone who is a victim of parental alienation and manipulation, coupled with what Alastor says in the seventh episode, I’m getting more and more worried for Charlie as the story goes on. I understand that the show wouldn’t have been able to progress without him, but I also wouldn’t put it past Vivziepop to make him the Big Bad.