#tw:eating disorders

[writinginaforrest]

Guts (feat. a Journey to Bolton Film Festival)

(7th Oct 2024)

This is more like a diary entry than an essay. More anecdotal than what I've written previously. That being said, this is my blog, I can do what I want. In the following I talk about my experiences with my Eating Disorder (ARFID) in considerable detail, if that will make you uncomfortable or distressed, I'd say skip this one. We can catch each other next time around, look after yourself.

I’ve never been to Bolton before. And yet, perhaps I give off the energy of someone who has settled there. It wasn’t twenty minutes after my friend and I stepped off the train that two people asked us for directions, and all we could do was respond in a good-faith bewilderment that we were in fact not native to the area. It did remind me remarkably of a town in Cornwall though. Everything shuttered in the middle of a sunday. Bare streets. A little grey. One of those out-of-the-way places the Government has forgotten about. Still, I couldn’t deny walking down the high street that there were some gorgeous buildings dotted around. 

I walked into the shopping centre, my friend and I got some pictures of the posters for the films showing, and then we eventually found our way into the cinema. There were perhaps seven other people in there by the time the reel started. While I always encourage people to go to the cinema, I can’t help but feel a slight joy when I have a screen all to myself. Maybe it’s selfish. Either way, it was just me, my friend, and these seven other people sitting dotted around this theatre all having a love (or in my friend’s case, being brought by someone who loves) film. 

We saw five shorts:

Pavane (Pauline Gay, 2023, France)

Guts (Margaux Susi, 2023, United States)

Grill (Jade Hærem Aksnes, 2023, Norway)

Heap (Kyle Marchen, 2023, Canada)

An Orange From Jaffa (Mohammed Almughanni, 2024, Occupied Palestinian Territory)

I can’t stress enough how consistently good these shorts were. Dark, Funny, but also thought provoking and cathartic. It made me happy to see a Palestinian film in the mix-up, a small act of defiance against the forces trying to make them lose hope, it looked gorgeous and was written amazingly. Grill was bleak and relatable, Pavane made me think about my mother, and Heap was my favourite out of the group, a real mind-fuck kind of film, and aesthetically brilliant. A sort of shortened Black Mirror. 

But Guts. That stirred up a lot of feelings for me. It was the reason I went to see that particular block of films. I’m a fan of StarKid and Smosh and also Watched all (at the time) Sixteen seasons of Grey’s anatomy in a matter of weeks. Angela Giarratana and Kate Burton?? Opposite Each other?? In a Movie playing in a theatre near me?? Sign Me Up. 

I knew it was about a Girl in recovery. Specifically from an Eating Disorder. I knew Angela’s character was a girl who invited a stranger to dinner because eating with other people is easier than eating alone. I’ve been there. It was only semi-recently that my own eating disorder was brought to my attention. I confided in my friend (the selfsame who came with me to this screening) with a self deprecating chuckle that I’d been eating little other than a couple of slices of toast a day for Three or so weeks. Food has always (and continues to be) a source of anxiety for me. Just as one might be scared of what would happen if they put their hand on the stove (you stand there and imagine the searing pain, the blisters, the burns, it inevitably puts you off the action) I was scared of eating. I was scared of putting food in my body. I was scared of feeling the food in my mouth. Of chewing it. Of actually doing the act. The thought of eating made me feel sick. Fear would wrap an iron grip around my stomach to the point where I’d turn to my trusty loaf of bread and salted butter to get the job done. My friend pointed out with a face twisted with concern that eating that way isn’t normal. Being scared of food isn’t normal. I recounted that it had been this way for as long as I could remember and she informed me that it sounded like I had ARFID. 

Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. I won’t spout the facts at you but it’s pretty much what it says on the tin. Being aware of it has helped me in a way. But it’s so incredibly present. The other day I simply could not decide what I wanted to eat. I ran through the options in my head and the thought of consuming those things filled me with the familiar dread. There it was again. Instead of deciding what to eat, I let the wave of dread take me and I lay in my bed for an hour and a half, on top of the covers and staring at the ceiling. I had to self regulate. I had to calm down. It had been a good day, and then everything fell apart. 

Guts said so adequately what I had been struggling to verbalise. Hearing Angela speak the things that I needed to remind myself of (Jan Rosenberg’s writing perhaps is the direction I should be tipping my hat to in this regard) made my heart feel a certain way. 

And Jesus Christ that’s why I love movies. 

[screamqueen-slcter]

( taylor russell.  cis woman .  she/her)  - the  chicago  resident , (  kalina slater-horne ) ,  was  heard  blaring  (  hammer horror/kate bush )  this  morning  .  the  ( twenty five)  year  old  is  a  ( true crime podcaster )  in  the  city  &  has  lived  the ( west ) tower  for  (  six months ) .  since  being  here  ,  they  have  been  told  to  be  ( shy )  ,  but  also  ( enthusiastic ) ,  i  guess  we'll  find  out  soon  !  

tw :Death, Eating Disorder, Depression, Murder

Born in San Francisco as the only child of Lenora and Michael Slater, Kalina’s life started out like everyone else’s but would grow to be a little scary at times. From a very young age, Kalina loved to be scared. Her mother had been an artist and photographer who had instilled a love of the strange and unusual with her daughter which the young future horror fan gravitated to. She remembers getting her first book of poems by Edgar Allen Poe, the first time she peaked behind the blankets watching a slasher, or the first time she saw her first ever crush Elvira mix humor and horror to great effect. All of these were things that had inspired her greatly.

While she had been shy in school Kalina was able to turn into a far more introverted and outspoken person when it came to horror. It was that one niche that she knew everything about and could out do anyone knowledge wise about the genre. She knew she wanted to follow her mothers footsteps and do something creative that was also a little bit scary too. In many ways horror became a security blanket when others were cruel. It was hard at times to want to hang out with others who saw you as the weird girl; especially when they began pick on her because she didn’t seem to fit in with other kids in her grade. The more people we’re cruel to her the more she tried to ignore them. Her hobbies were a security blanket that only grew to protect her further once her mother died.

With her mother gone, Kalina started to lean into a more realistic horror; true crime . Her father was trying to protect Kalina and had tried to keep the reason her mother had died from her, but Kalina was a very inquisitive young woman and discovered her mother had been murdered and no one knew who had done it. San Francisco was a large city and one that seemed to have more and more people pass through daily. It was the fact that things had been a mystery that sent Kalina down a rabbit hole that followed her into adulthood.

She began to fixate on unsolved mysteries and murders and just wanted to find answers that she never got from her own mothers death. But as the longer time went on the more she began to alienate herself from other people. She started to not even notice the way people would bully her in school or the fact that her own father was dating someone again. She just wanted to focus on her hobbies because it kept her safe from dealing with the reality that she wasn’t coping with her mothers loss well. The more she’d research the less she’d sleep or eat or really do anything other than try to solve what happened to her mom. Eventually, her father had to step in and seek out help in order for Kalina to get better. On some level her fathers involvement helped more than anything because it revealed how much he had also been hurting from the death of her mother. They were able to be more open and bond again and soon Kalina was able to accept that there had been changes to her life and was able to finally leave home and move to Chicago to save up for school.

While things were looking up for Kalina, one thing remained. Her love of the macabre. Horror and true crime were deep within her bones and as she reached college age and began to figure out what she wanted to do in life, a life in horror was the only option. The scary and spooky never strayed too far from her heart. It was something that still tied her to her mother and as she matured and reached her twenties Kalina knew exactly what she wanted in life. She wanted to help bring a light to the unsolved crimes of the world. She wanted to see if anyone else could help her solve her mother’s murder. She knows it’s not much yet, but it’s the first step in her other life goal of saving up enough money to be able to go back to school and study criminology. While still incredibly shy in her day to day life, Kalinas star shines bright when others watch her as the scream queen and talk about unsolved mysteries. A confidence and self assured woman is slowly starting to emerge from the ashes of her personal tragedy.

[emilieautumnarchives]

Stark Raving Sane: Biscuits

Posted: June 29, 2023 Archived from EAOnline

Biscuits: Mixed Media - Digital and Acrylic Paint, Audio, Scent [mod note: image cropped due to tw:ed concerns, see full version below the cut]

Dearest Inmates,

I shared Biscuits a few days ago on the old IG (did it, sharing art/music/other secret artistic projects because anything more seedy will be placed here alone, but I do have a trick: I never post from my phone, but from the very large screen computer that I use for recording, because I usually don’t know where my phone is, but really because then I don’t lose my wide vision of reality and goodness and truth and compress my focus into a tiny little screen which makes me spiritually nauseous—I highly recommend this).

I shared Biscuits, which was begun whilst we were traveling to location scout recently (this is why starting projects on an iPad before going to physical is so bloody nice), but I hadn’t been ready to say anything about her or what she might represent.

I think I might be now, or I may (probably will) delete this post in five minutes.

Biscuits has no tits and neither do I at present. I’ve lost them, along with my arse, and most of my muscle mass, because that’s what happens when you’ve got an auto-immune issue and it hurts to eat because your body is attacking itself. (I never say auto-immune “disease” because it’s an ugly brown and I don’t like the way the “s” that is really a “z” feels in my mouth, and it also sounds unnecessarily dramatic and that embarrasses me). I prefer not to talk about this. With anyone. I will fix it. I am fixing it. And I will be able to sing and dance. And that is all.

Biscuits has all the trappings of femininity, except for her actual body, which is clearly missing a few things, and that’s how I feel. A woman but not. And it doesn’t make me sad, but it makes me curious, because there is something beautiful in each layer of identity that is peeled off, or flakes away on its own without anybody’s doing, as we go down this path of life. I suppose what I’m really settling into is that I am not my tits, nor my womanhood, nor my ability to fit into my fabulous pink wardrobe, but am rather just me. I have not changed, because the “I” that is “I” can never be anything other than what it is. But I could do with a few more calories.

Biscuits needs a biscuit. Biscuits needs a few. I hope someone gives them to her.

To see more of her, tap away:

BISCUITS - FINE ART GICLEE PRINT [mod note: yes, EA has this linking to "Vampire's Daughter" instead of "Biscuits."]

I’m going to go try and digest some keto ice cream. It’s salted caramel. May you do the same, dear friends.

[judasdreams]

tl;dr: raw dogging life and anxiety, not succeeding, barely able to function, unable to properly communicate it.

Tw: Idk. Self-harm, ED, wars, whatever?

I honestly don't know where to post this; I thought about reddit, but I can't find anywhere there that would actually give a fuck, so I'm posting this for all your viewing pleasure.

I have multiple chronic illnesses which pretty much makes me into a zombie (alive, but not really; mostly just shambling around mindlessly). I'm a student in trade school, but I couldn't give a toss about it. Half of my days I'm so tired I can barely heat up food for myself.

I'm also afraid of a lot of things, everything from the noise my washing machine makes (I'm serious, I'm actually afraid of that!) to the wars that are going on spreading to the point of becoming another world war.

I often think of how I wasn't meant to live in this world, I wasn't meant to be born to this decade, how I probably won't live to see another peacetime since I'm disabled (ambulatory) and anxious about pretty much everything.

I need control in my life, but I'm lacking it so badly that I'm afraid of sliding back into self-harm and severe eating disorder since those are the only things I CAN control.

I don't have energy for school, but there's no point in not finishing it at this point, so... "fuck it, right?" I don't have energy for people, but the people in this place I live in are pushing me to atleast go for lunch at the communal diner. I hate this. I hate having nothing else in my life except things that I have to do, I have nothing I enjoy left.

That's it. That's my vent. (That's my entire fucking life actually, and I'm so miserable I'm crying almost every day.)

[kittyofalltrades]

I’m crying again and that’s okay Love you Romana ♥️

Ive seen TF boys on your page and I wanted to know you thoughts on how the moonboys would comfort and help a bulimic reader?

Hi love! Happy to give you come HC's for this <3

My inbox is currently closed as im working through old requests/ working on writing fics, but I wanted to do this one bc its a very important subject to my heart, with how bad my bulimia permanently destroyed my disgestive system and teeth

Moon Boys with a Bulimic reader

Warnings: Bulimia, vomit, food restriction, binging and purging NSFW refernces (bc its jake)

Steven Grant

He had to stay late tonight at work, some of his students were a little lost on the subject matter, so he held a study session before finals to allow everyone a chance to clarify. He had felt bad for missing dinner, of course, but he brought cake back as an apology

When you didn't answer, he saw the bathroom door was closed, and just figured you were in there bathing as you often did after diner

when he comes to the door to say hello and let you know there's cake, he hears you crying, and quickly opens the door, knowing your history with mental health problems and worrying you hurt yourself or were going to. He saw you crying against the wall, not even looking at him, and saw remnants of throw up in the toilet that hadn't all gone down with the first flush, he initially thought you were sick

"oh darling, here, let's get you to bed. Is it your stomach-" He paused as he saw your hand, red and scratched knuckles covered in throw up. Oh.

"I'm sorry" you cry "I'm fucking gross"

"No, no darling, you're not, here" Steven gets a wet towel and gently cleans your face and hands, as well as any mess you might have made. He washed his hands, then went to scoop you up. "C'mere love, lets rest, yeah?" And carried you over to the bed, not mentioning the cake he brought. Laying you down with a blanket and your favorite stuffed animal, he brought you water and asked you to drink it, knowing how purges dehydrate. He had read every book he could find on eating disorders, the health effects and treatment. He knew your addictive personality made things worse, harder to break out of habits.

"How long had this been going on again?" he asked

"Today was the first relapse" you answered, but he gave you a look like he didn't believe you "I swear! That's why I was crying... all the progress went to waste" You lip quivers trying to get the last few words out

Steven sits down with you, holding you tight, assuring you that this didn't detract from your progress, that progress isn't linear, and you are still his strong, beautiful girl.

He holds you tight that night, they two of you whispering with the sheets pulled over your head like children staying up too late at a sleep over, whispering about how much you loved each other

Marc Spector

When you first approached Marc about going to the gym with him, he was elated! He was so excited about showing you around, teaching you how to use equipment, and of course spending more time with you!

So you started going with him every time he went, he even bought you cute workout clothes. That might have been a bit selfish on his part. He like checking you out, and he liked the way men stared at you, until they realized you were with him. The caveman part of his brain loved posturing, and he especially loved how you only ever had eyes for him, no matter the stronger, fitter men and women there.

Then you got really into it. Marc thought this was a bit odd, but was happy to spend the time training you.

First warning sign was when you started drinking protein shakes in lieu of breakfast. Not the end of the world, you were never a huge breakfast person. But when you stopped eating lunch in favor of the shakes, he confronted you. You insisted they were just easier, and tasted so good, you just preferred it.

Then there was the day he had to take you home early from the gym because you weighed yourself and found you hadn't lost weight, and you began crying, no matter how much he tried to explain that you were gaining muscle, which is denser than fat, and he was so proud of you for how much you could lift now!

You stuck to the treadmill and elliptical from then on, which Marc hated. He'd run with you for a bit, but then opted to do weights. although he stayed nearby in case anyone caused you problems, he missed working with you. He couldn't even really focus, watching you strain yourself and look miserable

The last straw was when he went to bring you water, and you refused to stop or slow down. In the middle of a argument while you ran, he watched your eyes go blank. Thinking quickly, he pressed the emergency button and caught you as you fell, the treadmill only managed to give a few rug burns on your legs and knees.

When you came to in his arms, you were greeted by his angelic face insisting you drink the water he had. He spoke soft, but obviously very distressed. He asked you how long it had been since you'd eaten. The frown on his face was deep as you watched his eyes start to tear up.

"Don't cry, please" you ask.

"You really scared me" He smiled at you.

Marc drove you insane after that. "did you eat today?" "what did you have?" "did you eat all of it?" this man did not know the meaning of sublty

He babied, and I mean babied the shit out of you

Fucker wouldn't even let you ride him

You gotta sit this man down and tell him to knock it off or you're gonna scream

You make a deal. You start going to counseling, he has to start taking you to the gym again (he wouldn't let you go alone, that's fir sure)

He agrees. You focus back on the weights, less on weight loss. (marc took the scale out of the house. You may or may no have found it shattered in the dumpster when you took the trash out. Marc has beef with all scales now.)

Jake Lockley

It's hard not to feel sexy with this man

The pet names and compliments are none stop. You've began to wonder if he forgot your actual name.

During sex, he takes the term body worship to a new level. This man's mouth and hands are e v e r y w h e r e

Why are his hand's all over your arms? Why is he kissing your calves when he's got your feet over his shoulders? Why does he suck hickies between your thighs? Why does he bite and squeeze your hip dip? you'll never know, but you love it

But you and him both know that sometimes, eating problems aren't about body image, but about control, and compulsions. And a little bit of body image because fuck, who doesn't struggle with that sometimes?

When he sees the warning signs, you hiding your body from him, not wanting to eat with him, generally being distant again, he always asks. He doesn't come on as intense as Marc with his protectiveness, but he will mentally keep track of your eating, and try to coax you into eating something if he see's you sipping meals. He has deficiently taken your car keys once, not because he was trying to keep you home, but because he didn't think you were safe to drive the busy streets.

Buys you literally anything he thinks might help. If its not about your body necessarily, he'll get you whatever you think might help you feel in control. Wanna craft? He'll build you a shelf and buy you all the fucking yarn in the world. Wana have a lil world you can control? Every sims pack you can imagine. Cat? Plants? A lizard? Fuck it, yeah, he'll buy you a lizard. Coolest lizard ever. He'll take lil charizard on a walk with you if thats what you want

All the boys

You're getting vitamins

And water!!! If you're throwing up, you're going to at least stay hydrated.

Bathroom lock is either taken out, or there's a spare key. Not out of control, no, they know you'll find a way to do it if you really want to, but in case of emergency

Will encourage therapy and medication, if you think it's right for you, maybe at least to try for a bit?

Never, ever, shame you for how you feel or act. You can tell them if you are having urges, need a distraction.

Steven and Jake make sure to keep Marc's protective nature in check, to make sure you aren't deterred from talking to them.

constantly shower you in praise and love and compliments

I hope this was nice! I really love these 3 and I feel they would all be so supportive (even if marc might be a lil much sometimes XD It's okay, we love him <3 )

not tagging anyone today, but please be sure to comment/reblog if you liked this!

[king--of--ducks]

TW:EATING DISORDER (MENTIONED), SELF HARM (MENTIONED), SELF DEPRECIATION, (PAST) SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, SUICIDE ATTEMPT, SEF DESTRUCTION, BLOOD.

This is gonna he kinda lore-heavy, but can be relatively summarized in the next chain of messages/reblogs.

Sorry if I @ ed anyone who’s uncomfortable with reading this, you don’t have to read anything, it was more a lore thing. He sent a text to some people.

Lucifer…had made a horrible decision. He sacrificed his daughter’s happiness in a decision that wasn’t his to make to save her life…he could have done so much better.

He had his would-be daughter in—Vaggie’s spear clutched in his hand, thinking vaguely for a moment if he should even be doing this…not like anyone would care…but he should still leave a goodbye message…so he sent a text out to several people. It was fine, he was fine, everyone else would be fine.

@the-moth-ex-angel, @featheryhoe, @mammon-money-maker, @mcalastor, Blitzø, @alyxdefoisnthere, @headlessdeaddancerz

Dear [NAME]…I’m sorry, so sorry…even more sorry to those I might not have thought to send this message to in the moment. I…I’m a pathetic king…and pathetic as a whole…I fucked up big time. I want Charlie to inherit the throne, but don’t let Jewel have any more power then she already does, kill her if you ever have the chance…I just can’t do this, I know that it doesn’t make a difference to any of you…but I’m still so sorry. And make sure my little girl never forgets just how much I love her.

He sent the text out, before dropping his phone to the ground. He looked at the spear again, asking if he was really gonna do this, feeling like he was gonna puke despite not having eaten in weeks …but the time for asking didn’t last long before he jammed the spear all the way through his chest

Nothing in Hell had been strong enough to kill him any of the times he tried before…but this weapon had been from Heaven, made with angelic steel…it was enough to actually do damage.

He felt sharp pain, more pain then he ever felt from the cuts on his arms, more so when he pulled the spear out, the golden blood coming out felt so…horrible, but fitting at the same time.

His final thoughts as the world dissolved into darkness and hit the ground, was that he finally succeeded, that he would finally stop being a burden. And that thought was just as horrifying as it was comforting, he would never hurt anyone again…

That is until he woke up in his bed, with a familiar voice asking him some questions he couldn’t understand.

[[So, Lucifer didn’t succeed in killing himself, but he thought he was going to. He’s still alive. And baby is getting some comfort he desperately needs.]]

[the-moth-ex-angel]

[[CONTINUATION FROM THIS POST]]

TW:EATING DISORDER (MENTIONED), SELF HARM (MENTIONED), SELF DEPRECIATION, (PAST) SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, SUICIDE ATTEMPT, SEF DESTRUCTION, BLOOD.

Lucifer thought he had finally succeeded, that he was finally gone for good, could never burden anyone again.

That is, until he woke up in his bed with Vaggie right by him.

O-Oh gosh…thank fuck..you’re alive…you scare the living hell out of all of us…how…how…are you feeling now?….I bandage the wound up

*Vaggie looks worried at Lucifer..she should’ve guessed..but now it’s her turn to be there for him..like he was always there for her*

[certaincolorglitter]

you don't have to be perfect...... [little!SMG6 CG!SMG3, CG!SMG1]

TW:eating disorder, toxic mindset, implied abuse, impure agere, crying, bathing [is bathing a trigger warning?], diaper change

SMG6 was in her room as she was putting on makeup, she was trying not to slip into regression, she messily put makeup on her lips as she stared at the mirror on the wall in front of her, she didn't have any nails to put it on the wall so it just stayed on the floor, tears welled up in her eyes as she finished putting on lipstick, her hand, which was shaking, grabbed a makeup brush to put eye shadow on, she looked around her dark, dirty room around her, there were no windows but she could still see the discarded makeup all over the floor and the walls marked with words saying "i gotta be perfect", "i'll make you proud peach", and "perfection requires sacrifice", she heard the door open as light poured into the room, she turned around as her head twitched a bit, the light hurted her eyes, and the fact her whole room was bright red didn't make it any better "w-who-" she said before she cut herself off as she reminded herself that she needed to do her makeup, "SMG6, you've been in your room days! you need to come out, do you know how much meme training you missed!?" she heard SMG1 said scoldingly, his voice was muffled due to her mental state "one, don't scold her, who knows how damaged her mental state is!" she heard SMG3 said, how convenient is that, to bring up my mental state after i thought about it "whatever, let's just get her out of here, you grab the arms and i'l get the legs" SMG1 said, i heard footsteps coming over to me, i quickly turned over and hissed, pouncing away from them, "SMG6! stop moving! we want to help you!" three said, i hissed again before i hit a hit a wall, i fell onto the floor, i opened my eyes as i tried to recover, then SMG3 and SMG1 were above me, they grabbed me and pulled me out if my messy room, i started to scream and hiss as they dragged me to the bathroom

[after they gave her a bath because i'm lazy and sleepy eepy but i refuse to sleep]

after SMG3 and SMG1 gave six a bath, they wrapped her into a towel as SMG3 picked her up, she was fully regressed now as she cried and covered her face, SMG3 took her back into her room, the lights were turned on, SMG3 had a diaper and some childish clothing

[after SMG3 changed SMG6 into diaper and put into new clean clothes]

SMG6 was quietly sucking a paci as her and three was playing with some toys on her bed, SMG1 walked in with a bottle filled with angel milk, he gave the bottle to SMG3 as he put SMG6 into his lap as he started to bottle feed six, it took awhile for her to accept the bottle due to princess peach telling her to stop eating so wouldn't gain weight, SMG6 arms clinged onto three's arms that was feeding her the bottle, she soon fell asleep in three's lap after she drank the angel milk, SMG3 smiled as he put her in her bed and tucked her in to let her sleep, SMG1 asked three if he wanted to help to clean six's room, he nodded and went to cleaning supplies

[the end]

[one-step-at-a-time25]

Tw:eating disorder mentioned

@allusionssss if u want too

We are helping my friends out with this one🗣️💥

[rinayooon]

TW:eating disorder

hi 🫧 from rina

today i purged and ngl i feel really bad about it,tomorrow i’ll definitely start a new diet with 300-500 kcal intake :) hope you’re doing great

gngn

[eurekavalley]

Some tumblr detective must have done some tumblr investigative journalism into the fatty-food blog. Why is it always on my explore page, even after I blocked it?

[kittyofalltrades]

I was so busy crying earlier I didn’t take it properly. So now it’s tagged. And thank again Romana ♥️

Do you have any thoughts about the TF boys with a reader with an ED? Only if you’re comfortable, but I noticed in Sunshine Stsrlight Sweetheart Brightside You mesntioned Sam having bulimia so I thought maybe you’d be okay taking about it

Hi!!!!! Yes I would love to give you some thoughts about this. I have suffered from bulimia since I was 17, and I got pretty rough, and like most people with ED I had history of disordered eating before, and with recovery. I hope this is what you're looking for!

Warnings: ed, bulimia, eating restriction, addiction, all that

Triple Frontier Boys with a Reader with an Eating Disorder

Warnings: Eating disorders, more bulimia and general ED focused bc I don't have the experience with anorexia to properly talk about it. I'll try not to get to detailed or triggering.

Santiago "Pope" Garcia

Santi has the least experience with this, I think. I think he'd be confused and probably worry he did something to make you feel like you needed to look different. Had inviting you to the gym with him done it? He had only said that because you mentioned wanting to work on your strength... the girl at the bar, she was flirting, but Santi had turned her down... What did he do? You see the worry on his face and tell him it's not him, it's something you've dealt with for a long time. This, of course, does not make him feel better, it only hurts him that you suffered so long. He'd take over a lot of the cooking, trying to make the most delicious and nutritious meals possible, and of course, anything you wanted to eat that day.

One day, when you quietly confess you don't feel like you deserve to eat that day, you want to cry at how hurt Santi looks. But Santi is practical. You live in Florida, so he suggests you enjoy the weather! He takes you on a nice walk around a few blocks, no phones so you can't count calories from the step tracking, and you can't tell how long you've been gone. Just you and Santi, taking a nice walk. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but it becomes a treasured part of your evening, so much so that you begin to do it every day before diner. If you still feel like you shouldn't eat, Santi coaxes you too take a few bites of some black beans or broccoli, just to get some nutrition, and gives your vitamins before bed. Even if you can barely get anything down, he tells you how proud he is of you, every single day.

Benny Miller

This may not be a popular head canon, but I HC Benny as being a wrestler in high school, and developing bulimia from it. This is likely show up when get to Ben's story in my LaL series (I really put this boy through it) but I think he denies ever having a problem. A bunch of the guys made themselves throw up before getting weighed before matches, what's the big deal? Well, that's terrible, but the big deal is that Benny wasn't just doing it before weigh-in's, he was doing it every day. Even so, when you finally spoke to him about your eating habits, he still didn't get it. He had reasons, his was justified, he rationed. You? You were perfect. You were beautiful in every way. He thought of how painful it was, how gross he felt, how his mind always reeled after, and he couldn't stand the thought of you going through the same thing.

"Why?" was the first thing he said.

It was hard to put into words. Control? Body image? Self-punishment? Maybe all of the above. I think Benny might struggle with this, not blaming you or anything like that, but it just hurt so bad to picture you that way, harming yourself like that. Benny might start off too much and too little. While he has discomfort around discussing it, due to his own unresolved issues, he's not going to just ignore it, although you feel like he is. Things like knocking on the door when you're taking a while in the bathroom. You can tell he's clearly stressed, but he won't talk about it. Eventually you figure out why, maybe he opens up or maybe you have to ask Will what's going on. Either way, he tells you what he went through. After you realize how difficult this was on him, and you two can have open communication, things get better, and you start to get better. It's much easier to talk to someone who relates, and Benny would rather stay up all night talking to you than let you suffer alone.

Will Miller

You don't tell Will. Will confronts you. In my head, Benny had an eating disorder, and of course Will knew, so he recognized the signs. Even if you don't HC Benny with bulimia, I think we all know Will is observant as shit. He'll notice the acne flaring up around your mouth, he'll see your red and bloody knuckles.

Eventually you break down and confess, after he presents the evidence to you. Will is practical, like santi, but more rigidl. He's the kind of guy who feels everything is A+B=C. With Benny, it worked. He convinced Ben to drop wrestling, got him lift weights and into basketball and football, eventually, he got better. They never even addressed it. But everyone is different. Will seems to think if he tells you you're beautiful, helps you eat right, works out with you and worships your body enough during sex, you'll just get better, but that's not it. When he realizes you're still doing it, he's frustrated. Not with you, but with himself. He keeps trying, and trying, and trying different things until you sit him down and spell it out. There isn't a magic cure. it's a battle, a long journey, and you don't need him to fix you, you need him to just be there. And so, he is. Whenever you need him, he's there. Oh, and the calling you beautiful constantly and the body worship? That doesn't stop.

Frankie Morales

Sweet, sweet, Frankie... I think his addiction messed with his eating. While on coke, he might not eat for long periods of time, then binge tf out of junk while detoxing/attempting recovery. This has lead to a lot of weight fluxuation, and bad eating habits (I don't mean this as in food is bad, I mean the inconsistent eating) I think when he finally got better, and he gained weight, he struggled with his own feelings of inadequacy. When he met you, and you loved him so much, every inch of him, he felt a part of him heal. Instead of skipping meals and late-night Taco Bell runs, he thrived on the consistency you gave him, cooking breakfast for you, eating lunch you packed, coming home to cook dinner with you.

So naturally, he worried you were sick when he noticed you eating less and less. You insisted you felt fine "better than ever!" he asked if you were nervous about something and lost your appetite, he even asked if you were pregnant one day. When you explained your history with eating to him, you confessed that you'd been really struggling lately, and apologize for worrying him. His sweet girl, he thinks, always so apologetic, always worried about being a burden. I think Frankie would be way to much at first. You'd never have a moments peace and at first its sweet, but sometimes it's too much. You have to insist on not being babied. Well, not completely anyway. You need to be able to take a piss alone. But if he wants to bring you breakfast in bed, well, you weren't complaining. Frankie makes sure you know how special you are to him, how you are his everything, how you saved him, and in turn, he'll be there for whatever you need.

I hope you liked this anon!! Always happy to talk about my babies

Tagging a few people who might also enjoy @kittyofalltrades @welcometostayingawake @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction and idk if you’ve watched triple frontier @juneknight but from our conversations, I thought you might like this!

[uselessbutfunny]

Yo My People

TW:Eating Disorders And Other mental

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I wanna talk about this for a sec, Eating Disorders have been a huge part of my life since before I was born and I wanna share with you my journey (that is not even close to finished)

I am 156 kg, I have an eating disorder called Binge/Compulsive eating disorder

My grandma was anorexic and she pushed it on to my mom who was also anorexic.

I grew up knowing this because my mom never wanted to hide from me that she struggled

I knew that Eating Disorders were bad and that I should avoid them but then I got hospitalized for a suicide attempt and I was roommates with an anorexic depressed girl, Let's call her Emily (obviously not her real name) Emily was so depressed and I could see how she suffered but I found myself wanting her skin and bones body type...then one day I was sitting with her and another girl from a different room who suffered from severe clinical depression. We talked about our bodies and you have to understand, I never had a thin body type, I was born a big baby and I've been big my whole life. Anyway, Emily told us her story qnd how she realized she was quote on quote "fat"...and I found myself feeling inadequate and fat and disgusting...

That was the beginning of a long ass journey. I spent 73 days in the hospital and it was already my secound hospitalization. On my third hospitalization is when I was met face to face with Bulimia through my (at the time) best friend...let's call her Annabelle, Annabelle was bulimic and again, I saw Anna suffer so so much but I, again, found myself wanting her type of body l...I was 13 by then

I struggled with my weight, trying everything to lose weight but all the weight I would throw up or starve myself to lose came back to Me..I was getting really depressed qnd angry at my body

Fast forward to 16

I started to give up...I had an all or nothing mindset..either I lost weight or I gained it...there were no other options, then, following a trauma in school, I started to eat to calm myself down...

I ate and ate and stopped going to gym, I was so broken and in so much emotional pain that I collapsed qnd went back into the hospital for the 4-8 th time, where I gained even more weight.

Fast forward again to age 20...

My weight skyrocketed and i started to see the effects on my body, my knees are weaker and my back is more painful. It also effected other things, like, my clothes are more expensive cause they are custom made, my food was more expensive cause i eat more. My self Esteem was absolutly aweful and i had never hated myself more

So, i started, 1 month ago, to start the change. Im seeing a dietitian, i go to gym and im generally trying to change my life in a healthier way.

This is the beginning of something...this is the end of me the way ive always known myself

Im not saying this to make people jealous or because im magically cured

I still cant look in a mirror

I still have a BMI of over 40

I still hate myself

But i know that if i hold on qnd keep working for a healthier me...ill find hope

In this blog i shall post updates from my weightloss journey qnd my jpurney to a healthier mind

Remember: H.O.P.E means Hold On, Pain Ends

[doki-doki-imagines]

you can absolutely refuse!!

but could i ask a hc for kamui where the fem reader has an ed? and maybe he doesn't notice at the beginning?

Before writing your request I’ll write about the funny story behind this ask. I searched for “ed” because I didn’t know what it meant. “Erectile dysfunction” was the first results, at first I was like “AHAHAHA funny, it could come out something funny”, then I read “fem” and I was like “OH? Lol I don’t think we suffer of impotence, let’s search more”. To make it short only at the end of my research I found out that in these context you meant “ed” as “eating disorder”. Thank God I found the right meaning or this request would have been a disaster! 

I don’t know too much about eating disorders, so I hope I got it right and that I won’t hurt the sensitivity of some readers.

WARNING: mention of eating disorder! 

Kamui:

-He is not an idiot, or better, he is not that dull.

-After finishing his fo,od he would notice his partner's unusual behaviors during meals.

-Or how much they look at their body with such a sad expression on their face.

-At first, Kamui won’t say anything, he would just observe his partner.

-Maybe it’s just a bad period, they feel sadder than usual, it is something that happens to everybody.

-His worries spike up to two thousand when he notices that this “bad period” never fades.

-At that point Kamui is quick to act, he wants explanations and there is no way he is gonna move until he finds out what’s wrong.

-It doesn’t matter if they cry, they shout, he won’t move until he finds out the truth.

-From that point, he will take the reins of the situation into his own hands.

-Kamui knows that nothing will change if they don’t want to do it, so the maximum he can do is finding the best doctors around the universe and bring them to his partner.

-He isn’t the best boyfriend, he cares about them, but he doesn’t have patience, so he will often get angry if they don’t want to visit a doctor because “everything is okay” when obviously it isn’t.

-Kamui doesn’t understand why some don’t want to be happy. He really can’t.

-To sum up, Kamui would be a really supportive partner if they want to feel better, in that case, he is the number one boyfriend, his douchebaggery really cool down, but if they don’t want to change and keep feeling bad about themselves….mmh, he won’t act as well as in the first case.