#tw: u.s. healthcare

[misku-nimfa]

TW: U.S. Health Insurance system & Underinsured

*Apparently* the out of pocket max is the mas I pay for people in network. With the deductible being the maximum amount I pay *entirely on my own* for people in network. While any claim insurance decides to deny putting towards either is treated like I'm doing *nothing*. Even when I explicitly chose this plan so my doctor would stay in network, I fucking checked that the doctor was in network with the insurance company AND the doctor, but I'm the ***silly*** one for expecting the damn coverage I am paying for 🤬

[crystalis]

^ link to the report

(continuation of tweet and excerpt from the report under Read More)

"The human rights situation in the United States continued to deteriorate in 2023. In the United States, human rights are becoming increasingly polarized. While a ruling minority holds political, economic, and social dominance, the majority of ordinary people are increasingly marginalized, with their basic rights and freedoms being disregarded. A staggering 76 percent of Americans believe that their nation is in the wrong direction.

Political infighting, government dysfunction, and governance failure in the United States have failed to protect civil and political rights. Bipartisan consensus on gun control remains elusive, contributing to a continued surge in mass shootings. Approximately 43,000 people were killed by gun violence in 2023, averaging 117 deaths per day. Police brutality persists and at least 1247 deaths were attributed to police violence, marking a new high since 2013, yet the law enforcement accountability system remains virtually nonexistent. Taking up less than 5 percent of the global population, the United States accounts for 25 percent of global prison population, earning the title of a "carceral state." Political infighting intensifies as parties manipulate elections through gerrymandering, leading to "Speaker crisis "for twice in the House of Representatives, further diminishing the government's credibility, with only 16 percent of Americans trusting the federal government.

Deep-rooted racism persists in the United States, with cases of severe racial discrimination. United Nations experts point out that systemic racism against African Americans has permeated the U.S. police force and criminal justice system. Due to significant racial discrimination in the healthcare sector, the maternal mortality rate for African American women is nearly three times that of white women. Nearly 60 percent of Asians report facing racial discrimination, with the "China Initiative" targeting Chinese scientists having far-reaching consequences. Racist ideologies proliferate across multiple sectors such as social media, music, and gaming, and spill over across borders, making the United States a major exporter of extreme racism internationally.

The United States is witnessing intensified wealth inequality, with the phenomenon of "Working poor" becoming more pronounced, and the economic and social rights protection system is seen as ineffective. Long-standing disparities in the distribution of income between labor and capital have resulted in the most severe wealth gap since the Great Depression of 1929. There are 11.5 million low-income working families in the United States, but the federal minimum wage has not been raised since 2009. As of 2023, the purchasing power of one U.S. dollar has declined to 70 percent of its value in 2009. Low-income families struggle to afford basic necessities such as food, rent, and energy, leading to over 650,000 people experiencing homelessness, reaching a new high in 16 years. "Working poor" has shattered the "American Dream" for hardworking individuals, contributing to the broadest wave of strikes since the beginning of the 21st century, occurring in 2023.

Women and children's rights in the United States have long been systematically violated, with constitutional provisions for gender equality remaining absent. The United States remains the only UN member state that has not ratified the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women and the Convention on the Rights of the Child. In April 2023, the U.S. Senate rejected a constitutional amendment to guarantee gender equality. In the United States, approximately 54,000 women lose their jobs annually due to pregnancy discrimination. Over 2.2 million women of childbearing age cannot access maternity care. At least 21 states have enacted bans or strict restrictions on abortion. Maternal mortality has more than doubled in the past two decades. Sexual violence is rampant in workplaces, schools, and homes. Children's rights to survival and development are in jeopardy, with many children excluded from healthcare assistance programs. Gun violence remains a leading cause of child deaths, and drug abuse is rampant among youth. Forty-six states have been found to underreport around 34,800 cases of missing foster children.

The United States, a country that has historically and presently benefited from immigration, faces severe issues of exclusion and discrimination against immigrants. Practices of exclusion and discrimination against immigrants have been deeply ingrained in the U.S. institutional structure, from the infamous Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882 to the internationally condemned “Muslim Ban” in 2017. Today, the immigration issue has become a tool for partisan gain and political blame-shifting, with politicians disregarding the individual rights and welfare of immigrants. Immigration policies are simplified into partisan positions of "If you support, I oppose," ultimately becoming political theatrics to manipulate voters. The immigration crisis falls into a vicious cycle, with immigrants and children subjected to widespread arrests, human trafficking, and exploitation. The hypocrisy of political polarization and the hypocritical nature of American human rights are glaringly evident in the immigration issue.

The United States has long pursued hegemonism, practiced power politics, and abused force and unilateral sanctions. Continuous delivery of weapons such as cluster munitions to other countries exacerbates regional tensions and armed conflicts, resulting in a large number of civilian casualties and severe humanitarian crises. Extensive "proxy forces" operations undermine social stability and violate the human rights of other nations. Guantanamo Bay prison remains open to this day."

[caesthoffe]

Update on Brianna Ghey + A Response to TERFS

TW // transphobia, and violence against trans people

As of today, February 15th 2023, the police are now beginning to investigate the killing of Brianna Ghey as a hate crime. Apparently the reports of her being bullied for years for her trans identity (with a friend saying at one point she had been "gang beaten") weren't enough cause for the cops originally.

The two 15-year-olds in connection with her killing are now officially being charged with murder. They cannot, and likely will not, be named due to UK laws around child safety and privacy.

On another note, people (mainly TERFs) had issue with me calling this a part of a greater genocide on trans people. To that, I say, look around.

When over 350 anti-trans bills are being considered in the U.S. as of 2023, when trans people are four times more likely to be victims of violent crime, when politicians call for firing squads on trans rights supporters, and when the grooming narrative is so pervasive that even members of Ron DeSantis' policital cabinet are spreading it, at a certain point it feels systematic.

(Seriously, how is it that an article from the 1950's is more respectful to trans people than a modern BBC article?)

I don't want to make cis people trans. I really don't. What I do want, however, is for trans people to live. That means letting them play sports with cis people, allowing them access to gender affirming healthcare, and respecting their identities— something TERFs do not support.

People, again mostly TERFs, also had issue with me comparing TERF-ism to the alt-right.

There is a saying about befriending right-wing extremists:

"If you have a guy who's friends with five bigots, you have six bigots"

So, how many are here?

[fairiepunk]

Can I just vent real quick? About yet another shitty experience I’ve had with mental healthcare in the U.S.?

Vent below the cut. Tw: medication, anxiety

So I started what is more or less my dream job a few weeks ago (yay!), but I’ve found over the past few weeks that this job is triggering as hell for me (fuck!).

My anxiety has been through the roof for these past few weeks, and over the past week, I’ve had severe panic attacks that are nearly impossible to get myself out of regardless of what coping skill I use.

Knowing it would take at least a week to see my regular psych med provider to see about making adjustments, I went into the local behavioral health urgent care (which I’m sure is SUCH a great resource for so many people! I don’t want to shit on it, because I’m sure others have had good experiences, I just did not.)

It is worth noting at this point that the urgent care is a part of the facility I go to for psychiatry regularly, and I was reassured multiple times that they had access to my chart which includes my med allergies.

On my med allergy list is buspar, which is noted as giving me psychotic symptoms. Also on my med allergy list is a note about seroquel potentially causing psychotic symptoms (I took it at the same time as another new med, so we weren’t sure which med caused the psychotic symptoms.)

So imagine my surprise when I was offered buspar. I responded with “I can’t take buspar, it causes me to hallucinate. That should be on my allergy list.” To which, the provider scoffed and said “Well, we don’t do benzos here.”

I have no desire to take benzodiazepines. I am terrified of taking them due to my parents being addicted to them at various points in their lives. This is not to med shame anyone who does take them. I know they can save people’s lives, but just know that I was not seeking them out by any means.

She suggested increasing my propranolol, and then decided against it since my blood pressure was “already on the low end” (she put the cuff on my fucking elbow).

At the end of the appointment, she decided to send over a script for seroquel, and they made me an appointment to meet with my regular psych med provider next week. While I’m reluctant to try this med again, I am willing to because this anxiety is *unbearable* and this is my only option for now.

So I get home, and call the pharmacy to see how much my med will cost. The med provider never sent over the script, and when I called the urgent care to say “hey, I think the system might have glitched. Could you send the script over again?” The receptionist said “Oh sometimes pharmacists just say that they didn’t receive the script. Just keep asking them about it. We’ll double check on our end though.”

The pharmacy did not receive the script before they closed today. I hope they get it early tomorrow. This sucks ass. I am suffering.

[espithewarlock]

If you have 10 minutes to spare, please consider giving this video a watch.

Disease, Healthcare, Death TWs under the cut.

Tuberculosis is one of the deadliest diseases of the last 200 years and an estimated 1.6 million people will die to it this year. TB is not an old disease. It is very much around and impacting millions of lives, primarily in places with limited access to healthcare.

It is also curable IF it is caught and diagnosed in time and the correct treatment is applied.

The company that makes the diagnostic test, Danaher, is currently charging $10-15 for a product that costs them somewhere around $4 to produce.

The Vlogbrothers & nerdfighteria are trying to signal boost to pressure them into lowering their price to $5 to be more affordable and accessible.

Profit should not matter over human lives.

Their current profit margin is over 200% (potentially 500%) and a $5 price would bring that profit from excessive to reasonable. On top of that, a significant amount of U.S. taxpayer money went to them to develop these tests and they're making a profit (globally!) off of those taxpayer dollars.

If you have given this your attention so far, thank you, thank you, thank you. Awareness and views on the video help more than you know.

If you feel like doing more, spread the word. Reblog, share the video to your other social media sites, call or email the company if you're so inclined. The video description on YouTube has suggestions for how you can help.

Building something is only valuable if the people who need it most can access it.

[esgdatainrate]

Speaker In-Depth Profiling With Key Players and Recent Developments, Forecast Period: 2021-2031

Speaker Market Outlook — 2027

The global speaker market size is expected to reach $233,274.5.0 million in 2027, from $39,576.5 million in 2019, growing at a CAGR of 30.5% from 2020 to 2027. Speakers are utilized for converting electric audio signals into sound waves and are often termed as transducers. They enhance the volume and quality of the sound produced by utilizing speaker drivers, which boosts sound reproduction quality. Moreover, the report considers smart speakers, portable speakers, home audio speakers, and true wireless stereo (TWS) hearables, which integrate latest technologies including virtual assistants, Bluetooth connectivity, integration of Wi-Fi, and portability. Speaker technologies are constantly upgraded to enhance battery backup, portability, water resistance, Bluetooth, and Wi-fi connectivity. The major players in the speaker industry are inclined toward the development of new products complying to change in consumer demands, as well as to provide high quality audio output.

Products such as smart speakers, true wireless stereo (TWS), smart soundbars, and few portable speakers can work with virtual assistants, which function on artificial intelligent technologies. Virtual assistants such as Alexa by Amazon, Siri by Apple, Cortana by Microsoft, and Google Assistant by Alphabet, Inc. mainly provide a user-friendly platform and can perform thousands of functions from playing radio to integrating with home automation products. Virtual assistant technology developers keep on upgrading the features of their virtual assistant devices, which enables smart speakers to do more functions. These rapid advancements promote the demand for speakers with AI virtual assistant technologies, and thereby boosts growth of the speaker market.

On the contrary, commercial applications such as use of speakers in healthcare centers, hotels, and commercial offices provide various opportunities for the implementation of smart speakers for daily operations. Numerous capabilities of smart speakers can assist healthcare providers to offer proper care to patients by scheduling their medications on the AI platform. In addition, patients in intensive care can call for assistance at any time by voice commands, which saves time in the treatment and may reduce accidental fatalities. These factors promote the use of smart speakers in commercial applications, thereby, creating lucrative opportunities for the growth of the speaker market.

The global speaker market is analyzed across North America (the U.S., Canada, and Mexico), Europe (the UK, Germany, France, and rest of Europe), Asia-Pacific (China, Japan, India, South Korea, and rest of Asia-Pacific), and LAMEA (Latin America, the Middle East, and Africa). Asia-Pacific held the largest market share during 2019 and is expected to grow at the fastest rate throughout the forecast period.

Competition Analysis

The key market players profiled in the report include 3nod Group, AAC Technologies Holdings Inc., Alphabet Inc., Amazon.com, Inc., Bose Corporation, Fortune Grand Technology Inc., Foster Electric Company, Limited, Guoguang Electric Company Limited, Koninklijke Philips N.V., Guangzhou Merry Audio Equipment Co. Ltd., Premium Sound Solutions, Samsung Electronics Co., Ltd., Sony Corporation, Tonly Electronics Holdings Limited, and Tymphany HK Limited.

Full Report With TOC:-https://www.alliedmarketresearch.com/speaker-market-A06394

[chronic-cane]

It's Not Genocide

I made this for class and I wanted to wait until after I presented it to post it. The assignment was to make a manifesto and this one is about disability. I never see anything angry about disability when we should be enraged, so that's what I tried to point out. It's all text but is emotionally heavy, and long, so it's under the cut.

TW: Death, eugenics, disability c slur used, swearing, knives, murder of disabled people (specifically autistic children), and a lot of anger. There is also passive-aggressive sarcasm.

Pro-lifers DO NOT Interact

Disability isn’t included in the definition of genocide by the United Nations. It’s not included even though disabled people were the first to be exterminated in Nazi Germany long before anyone else, but you don’t learn about irrelevant lives in history class.

It’s for the best, because if it were included, then Iceland would have to own up to bragging about virtually eliminating all cases of down syndrome through abortion. When speaking about a growing fetus who tests positive for down syndrome and the pregnancy is terminated because of such, the rate is 67% in the U.S., 77% in France, and 98% in Denmark (Quinones & Lajka, 2017). The UK would have to acknowledge that from March 2014 to February 2017, over a hundred disabled people died per day when trying to claim for financial support, including around 11,000 who died after being told that they were actually ‘fit for work’ by a government official who didn’t need to have any sort of education about the disability (Berghs, et al., 2020, p. 50). Before they of course stopped sharing the incredibly high fatalities to the public so that way the burdens can be quieter when they die.

The UK only copied from the United States though, the country that could eliminate a quarter of its poverty rate if they just raised the Social Security Income to be above the damn poverty line. Instead, they’d rather disabled people fight for their fucking lives to get a lucrative $841 maximum on SSI a month, never have over $2000 to their name, and never be able to marry unless if they want to lose the healthcare that keeps them alive. Never mind that on average, someone who has a disability that limits the ability to work requires about $17,000 more per year than the average household without someone with a disability (Goodman, et al., 2020).

At least the United States has the Americans with Disabilities Act, which requires you to have healthcare you can’t afford to be protected from discrimination. The employment protections are also a fucking joke in the face of at will employment. The founding fathers told me I can work, and the jobs told me that I’m not competitive enough to work for minimum wage. Capitalism ensures that we will never survive. Disability is a luxury only the rich can afford, and the rest of us must beg for the government to see us worthy of scraps, break ourselves, or die.

But that’s not intentional genocide, I mean, if it could ever be genocide in the first place. Genocide would look more like 34 million adults knowing at least one person who died because they couldn’t afford their medication (Witters, 2019). It would look more like a recorded 2.8 million people dying because they couldn’t afford needed healthcare in 2017. It would look like the CDC telling everyone that only the disabled and poor people will die, so get back to work. It would look like “this elevator shuts down during a fire no matter what” and wheelchair users finding themselves unable to escape from a burning building. It would look like people insisting that disabled people have lives that aren’t worth living, and when we’re murdered, the story let’s everyone know that the murderer found us better off dead, and the public agrees.

I’m told every day by the world that my right to live hinges on whether my mind and body is profitable enough. Every day I am told that my life and the lives of my disabled siblings aren’t worth jack shit. Then I turn around and I’m told that we should explain to abled people that they need to relearn common decency because it goes out the window when they look at a mobility aid. “Noo silly goose, you can’t touch someone’s property and forcibly move them without their permission,” that’s not a teachable moment, that’s the moment you get out a pocketknife.

There is one class that teaches about disability at this University, and it never bothered to mention we’re slaughtered on a mass scale, instead I was given information that was last updated in 2013 that included revolutionary ideas like how autism isn’t a plague coming for your children. I could learn that, but not told how many autistic children were murdered by their parents on the Disability Day of Mourning website. They couldn’t even find the names of some of those kids, and instead of tears for their deaths, there are tears for their killers who must have had it so hard. What is wrong with you people? These were fucking children, they had decades of life ahead of them, life that’s a blessing to the world, and you’re crying for the killer. Why am I expected to be calm, collected, and insightful towards the people who would rather cry for the fact that disabled people are alive more than they would if we’re dead?

If they truly pitied us so much, they would do something besides torture and kill us. I see a system that takes every single marginalized person, traumatizes them, beats them, and throws them into the cripple bin to die. People who are ashamed to become me, to become one of us, because they know how useless we must be to the system that sees our bodies as profit and nothing more.

It’s okay, I’m ashamed of me too, but at least I got to adulthood with the amount of privilege I have. At least we’re still here, you are still here, and you are worth as much as anyone else.

Every day a person who is bedridden and requires assistance to eat and use the bathroom makes it to the next day, is a day of revolution in a world that sees their life as a meaningless burden. Every breath through an iron lung is a breath of defiance. The rambling, hopping, and jumbled flow of my ADHD redefines writing. The slur in my S and my anxious stutter is a miracle to speech. Our bodies, our minds, our lives are priceless.

But that’s all so hard to convince yourself when it’s not even genocide.  

References

Berghs, M., Chataika, T., El-Lahib, Y., & Dube, A. K. (2020). The Routledge handbook of disability activism [PDF]. Routledge.

Goodman, N., Morris, M., Morris, Z., & McGarity, S. (2020, October). The extra costs of living with a disability in the U.S. — resetting the policy table. National Disability Institute. Retrieved April 3, 2022, from https://www.nationaldisabilityinstitute.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/extra-costs-living-with-disability-brief.pdf

Quinones, J., & Lajka, A. (2017, August 15). "What kind of society do you want to live in?" Inside the country where down syndrome is disappearing. CBS News. Retrieved April 3, 2022, from https://www.cbsnews.com/news/down-syndrome-iceland/

Witters, D. (2019, November 12). Millions in U.S. lost someone who couldn't afford treatment. Gallup. Retrieved April 3, 2022, from https://news.gallup.com/poll/268094/millions-lost-someone-couldn-afford-treatment.aspx

[emachinescat]

Poison + Mac + Paralysis

A MacGyver Fan-Fiction

by @emachinescat @whumptober2021 day 7 - My Spidey-Sense Is Tingling (helplessness, numbness)

Summary: When Mac is dosed with an experimental poison that slowly paralyzes him, he must rely increasingly on Jack to get him to exfil before it's too late.

Whumpee: Mac

Words: 3,640

Note: I am taking a lot of creative leeway with this poison. Though it is loosely based off of an existing toxin, I’m going to cling onto that moniker of “experimental” with my (or more accurately, Mac’s) dying breath. :) Also, this is NOT a death fic, despite appearances. It is also a two-parter (sorry!), to be continued on day 29 (again, sorry!). Enjoy!

TW: paralysis, deterioration of motor functions, suffocation

Jack Dalton studied his partner from across the small clearing, his eyes narrowed in suspicion as Mac slowly opened and closed his hands. Mac’s pupils were blown wider than the midday sun trickling down through the gaps in the leaves would warrant, and he watched his fingers curl and uncurl with an expression of uncomfortable fascination.

Jack’s feet hurt from running across the uneven, rocky terrain, but he heaved himself to his feet anyway and casually made his way over to his distracted partner. Mac actually jumped when Jack’s hand came down on his shoulder. His blue eyes did a poor job of hiding the anxiety behind them, which just made the alarm bells clang louder.

Lowering himself onto the dirt beside his friend, Jack asked with a calm he didn’t feel, “Mac? How’s it goin’, bud?”

Mac cleared his throat and stowed his hands in his lap, though Jack didn’t miss the way his eyes kept twitching down, or the way his fists continued to clench and unclench even as Mac strove to turn his attention to Jack. “Good. Hopefully once Riley gets us back online, we’ll be well on our way to exfil.”

“Uh-huh.”

Mac opened his mouth as if to say something, then shook his head and looked down again.

Real fear blossomed in Jack’s chest at Mac’s uncharacteristic behavior, and he decided that the subtle, friendly approach was out. “Okay, out with it, Mac,” he ordered abruptly, his Texas twang even more pronounced since he’d spent the last four days in the heart of the Southern US on a mission to take down an up and coming domestic terrorist group that had made their base in the heart of the Appalachians.

This mission involved some truly nasty stuff – including bioweapons and chemical warfare. This band of rogue scientists-turned-domestic terrorists – they called themselves Curis, which was, according to Mac, a rough Latin translation of healthcare – had been growing steadily in numbers and power over the past few months.

Matty’s intel, Riley's hacking skills, and some good old fashioned teamwork had eventually led them to the terrorist organization’s home base – an abandoned mental hospital in the heart of the Appalachian Mountains, where poverty and corruption often turned a blind eye to crime. The Appalachians were the oldest in the U.S. and though they weren’t the most imposing any longer, they were rugged and pocked with sheer drops and steep inclines and populated with black bears, cougars, and a handful of venomous snakes. And enough superstition still lingered in those mountains that tales of Bigfoot and other urban legends and eldritch horrors kept most of the population well away from remote, unmapped insane asylums entombed within the craggy rocks, gaping caves, and thickly growing trees of the ancient mountain range.

Their mission was simple: Get into their base and steal the plans for their newest bioweapon, as well as any information they could snag on the organization itself. These mad scientists were a truly paranoid bunch and didn’t keep digital records of their research, clients, or future plans, so there had been no way to hack the information. Riley had still made herself invaluable from the Phoenix when it came to navigating the winding corridors of the mental facility, though.

Jack had wanted to go ahead and take the whole operation down while they were there, but Matty had ordered that under no uncertain terms were they to take this organization on by themselves. This mission was mostly reconnaissance, as most of the intel Matty had been able to procure had been … extracted from a tight-lipped lower-level member they’d lucked upon last week. Until they knew the scope of this organization and exactly how they operated, this was a grab-n-go mission only (Jack’s words, not Matty’s).

And so they’d grabbed. They’d tried to go, but one of the guards hadn’t had his radio on, and since the radio waves were how Riles had been keeping track of and helping them avoid their enemies, Mac and Jack had been caught by surprise. Still, after a few exchanged punches and some hardcore sprinting, the pair had made it back to a nearby clearing without serious injury. Jack had some bruised ribs and Mac had been knocked into an industrial shelving unit filled with beakers and jars and vials and had a sore back and a shallow cut on his arm to show for it, but otherwise, they’d made it out with their prize only a tiny bit worse for the wear.

Or so Jack had thought.

He knew Mac well enough to realize that his partner was hiding something from them, something that had him worried. Mac worried was scary enough – this was the man with the plan, the dude who exuded a natural confidence 24/7 because he was smart and resourceful enough to get himself out of pretty much any predicament. The few times Jack had seen Mac truly worried he could count on one hand, and each time had involved the direst of circumstances. And if Mac felt the need to hide whatever was scaring him, that just meant things were even worse than Jack had realized.

“C’mon, hoss,” Jack urged when Mac didn’t immediately respond. “How bad is it? What are you hiding?”

Mac’s face flushed red, and he crossed his arms over his chest. Finally, his fingers were still, but it was an unnatural stillness – Mac was always moving, always fidgeting, always working on something. To see Mac’s hands hanging almost limp from his wrists carved a great pit in his stomach, a pit that was promptly overflowed with panic as Mac finally, eyes bright with fear, answered honestly.

“I think… I think it’s bad.” His voice was barely even a whisper. “Really bad.” He turned his neck and Jack’s blood froze. There, sticking out of Mac’s neck, was a small dart, probably from a blow gun.

Jack swallowed hard, almost choking on the lump in his throat as he plucked the dart from Mac's neck and carefully pocketed it. “Okay,” he said softly, determined to keep his voice low, even, and calm. If Mac were already on the verge of panic, then Jack’s own fear would only send him spiraling. For Mac’s sake, he had to keep a level head, figure out how to fix whatever the hell was wrong with Mac, and get to exfil before night fell. “Okay,” he said again, then took a deep breath and let it out through his teeth. “What’s going on, Mac? What’s wrong with your hands?”

“It must have happened sometime during the fight or as we were running away. I didn’t even realize I’d been hit until we made it to safety, and by that time, my hands…” He trailed off. “Jack… That bioweapon they were working on, I don’t think it was only in the planning stages like we thought.”

Jack felt bile rising in his throat. All he knew about the poison was that it was an experimental paralytic. Even though he now knew with certainty the answer to his question, he couldn’t stop from asking it again, perhaps in the vain hope that it wasn’t what he thought. “Mac. What is wrong with your hands?”

Mac’s voice broke and his face was tight with fear as he answered: “I can’t feel them, Jack.” A deep, shuddering breath. “I can’t move them at all.”

***

Less than half an hour later, Mac stumbled after Jack, his arms hanging limply at his sides. He’d lost full control over them far quicker than he’d anticipated. When he’d realized that he’d been exposed to the not-quite-as-hypothetical-as-they’d-hoped paralytic agent, he’d expected it to act similarly to the poison this new toxin was being developed from, which offered a slow and horrific death via paralysis.

“So tell me,” Jack called back as he struggled through the choking sea of undergrowth, brambles, and what looked like a healthy amount of poison ivy (Mac was very thankful for their thick, protective boots). “What exactly is runnin’ through your veins right now?”

The Tennessee air was thick, muggy, and humid, and Mac felt like he was swimming rather than walking through it. Sweat poured down his face in thin rivulets that felt almost like tears. They tickled, or maybe that was just the mosquitos. Mac wanted more than anything to scrub his hand across his face, but no matter how urgently he willed his arm to move, nothing happened. His stomach twisted in a stark terror he had never felt before, and the icy claws of panic tore at his chest like a caged monster trying to escape.

He knew that Jack was just trying to make sure he knew what they were dealing with. He also knew that the Phoenix had already called in one of the leading toxicologists in the country, and that this specialist and his friends were listening in over the comms, silently analyzing everything he said, doing everything possible to prepare for Mac’s return. The more information they had, the better chance they would have of reversing the effects. Of saving his life.

Mac swallowed heavily, forcing any lingering anxiety out of his voice. He knew Jack was barely hanging on at this point, and if he showed weakness, revealed to his partner how scared he really was, then that would heighten Jack’s own worry. The guy was already under enough stress as it was. He adopted what Jack affectionately (or irritably, depending on the circumstance) coined his “Einstein voice.” This was a tone and cadence he’d learned growing up with an emotionally distant and highly logical father. He liked Riley’s term for it, Macsplaining, only slightly better.

“I didn’t get a chance to read through all the research notes,” he panted, and his heartbeat thundered in his ears. “But from what I did see, this experimental toxin is based upon curare poison.”

“Who-rah-ray?” Mac’s lips curved into a slight smile as Bozer’s voice crackled over the comms. Of course Boze was still there, listening, waiting, there. He had always been there for Mac.

“Curare,” Mac repeated. “It’s derived from resources natural to the Amazon. A powerful paralytic. It’s how many native tribes hunt for game – and a variation of the formula is used in war as well.”

“So, these scientists just took this curare poison and, what, modified it?”

“I’m not entirely sure, Riles,” Mac huffed. His foot caught on a tree root and he pitched forward into Jack’s back, his arms swinging uselessly at his sides.

“Whoa, partner,” Jack said gently, and his dark eyes were glittering when he turned to steady his friend. “Maybe we should take a quick breather.”

Mac shook his head almost frantically. Though this variation was taking longer to incapacitate than curare itself, he could already feel the tingling in his feet. He needed to press forward for as long as he could. If he was right about the poison’s properties, he’d be unable to walk on his own soon. Unable to move at all a bit after that. When his vocal cords seized up, he’d be unable to talk.

Instead, he insisted, “No, I’m fine. Let’s keep going.” He plowed ahead, pushing past Jack in his haste to do something other than sit around and wait for his body to betray him. Addressing his friends back at the Phoenix, he explained, “All I know is that they used curare as the baseline for their experiments. I’m guessing they wanted to refine it, make it more potent, or at least easier to mass produce and distribute over large populations in a less concentrated form.”

“So what happens now?” Bozer’s voice was subdued, anxious, though Mac could tell he was trying not to show it. “I mean, if the poison keeps doing its thing?”

If this new toxin behaved similarly to curare, his lungs would freeze and he would suffocate, betrayed by his own body. A shudder passed through him. No need to bring that up to his friends yet. Maybe this poison had been adapted to incapacitate without causing death. Considering the people who had developed it, that scenario was very unlikely, but Mac found himself unable to voice the grimmest of possibilities aloud. Mac forced his teeth to unclench, the roaring panic having locked his jaw in place and hedged, “Based upon how quickly the paralytic is taking effect, I could be completely paralyzed in a couple of hours.” Given Jack’s face at this sugar-coated answer, Mac was glad he’d left the worst part out for now.

With any luck, they’d make it to exfil and be on their way to a hospital before Mac’s body began its final betrayal.

***

They were forced to take a break fifteen minutes later when Mac’s legs finally stopped working. Jack caught him right before he could crash onto the mossy ground and carefully propped him against the smooth trunk of a great birch tree. Mac allowed his head to flop back against the papery bark in exhaustion as Jack carefully arranged his legs in front of him. The numbness in his body had taken residence in his soul, and Mac watched the proceedings with a detached interest.

At least he wasn’t in pain, he thought. In fact, he felt nothing at all as Jack gently jostled the limbs. His partner could have slammed his feet into the ground and Mac wouldn’t have noticed unless he had watched Jack do it. Of course, with the lack of pain came the lack of control over his extremities and the increasingly real knowledge that this paralytic was working far too quickly for his liking and that he would soon be struggling to breathe, and that his death would not be anywhere as painless as his arms and legs were now.

Jack finished with Mac’s legs and stooped over his bag, pulling out a canteen of water. “Hey, Mac,” he said quietly, like he was addressing a spooked horse. “How about we get some water in ya?”

Mac shook his head and panic lanced through the blissful nothing he’d been feeling as the familiar tingle that foretold paralysis flared through his neck muscles at the movement. He hadn’t even realized his stomach had turned into the North Sea, with great waves of sickness swirling around, until he said it. Logically, he knew he needed to stay hydrated, especially since his ability to swallow could soon be taken away from him, but the thought of drinking or eating anything summoned bile to his throat.

Before Jack could argue, Matty’s voice sizzled over the comms. She, Bozer, or Riley had been busy planning Mac’s extraction and treatment with Dr. Bonner, the toxicologist, but someone had been checking in about every ten minutes. “How’s our boy doing, Jack?”

Mac watched languidly as Jack valiantly strove to keep his face arranged into a facade of calm and failed to keep his voice steady, “He’s, uh, hangin’ in there, boss.”

Matty’s voice was firm but kind as she scolded, “I appreciate your attempt at levity, Jack, but Dr. Bonner needs a real answer. Mac?”

Mac cleared his throat and somehow managed to find his voice. “I… uh, the toxin is progressing slower than curare, but I’m beginning to suspect that’s what Curis was working toward. It’s very possible they are trying to drag out the paralysis to build fear. Maybe as a torture technique.” Certainly effective in that regard, he thought darkly.

“That’s all well and good, Mac, but she didn’t ask about the poison,” Jack reminded Mac gently, squatting down in front of his younger friend so that they were eye level. “How are you?”

“I have lost complete control over the skeletal muscles in my arms and legs,” Mac answered brusquely. “My neck is starting to weaken as well.”

“What about your chest?” With all of her hardness and training, Matty couldn’t quite keep the anxiety out of her voice. Of course Matty knew about the final stages of the poison. The toxicologist would have informed her of what to expect.

Jack, however, had heard no such thing. “Chest? Matty, what are you talking about? Mac didn’t mention anything about chest paralysis.” Jack’s voice was now tinged with panic he could no longer hide.

Mac sighed. “I didn’t want to worry you–” At Jack’s incredulous look, he added, “–more than you already were, but… If this poison behaves like curare, then the final stage is paralysis of the lungs.”

“And what does that mean, exactly?” Mac knew that Jack understood exactly what it meant, but he was clinging desperately onto any hope that he might be wrong, much like Mac himself had done earlier.

Matty, never one to hold her punches, answered, her tone clipped and scared: “It means that you need to get back on the move, Dalton. If Mac’s lungs seize up before you he can get medical help, then he will suffocate.”

“Shit,” Jack swore loudly, his dark eyes glittering as he regarded Mac, limp against the tree.

“Shit,” Matty agreed, and Mac couldn’t help but chuckle at her assessment. She pressed on: “Okay, so as you know, we’ve rerouted exfil to the smallest nearby clearing that can fit the chopper. It’s going to be a squeeze and we wouldn’t normally risk it, but we need Blondie in a hospital, stat. Still, you’ve still got about five miles to go, and it’s not exactly the easiest terrain, so let’s hustle.” Jack nodded even though he knew Matty couldn’t see him, and he grunted as he rose to his full height. He still held the canteen loosely in one hand and was about to pack it again when Matty added, “Oh, and Jack – the doctor says to get as much water into his system as you can – and Blondie, don’t you dare fight him on this. It’s only a matter of time before your throat muscles stop working, and we’re not fighting this hard to save you from this toxin just to lose you to dehydration.”

Although the mere thought of the water made Mac’s stomach clench, he tried to nod, found he couldn’t, and swallowed heavily, grateful that he could still do that, at least. “Yes, ma’am.”

Jack’s hand carefully cupped the back of his head and tilted it back, though Mac felt neither his touch nor the motion. He managed to get a few good gulps of water in him before he felt his throat muscles weaken, a strangled gurgling sound the only indication that he was choking. Jack pulled the canteen away and leaned back, guilt festering in his eyes, but he didn’t apologize. Mac knew it was because he couldn’t find the words to say, and honestly, Mac was glad.

It’s not like he would be able to respond now, anyway.

Jack lifted Mac from the ground and held him like a bride – a floppy, ragdoll of a bride – as they made their careful way toward exfil and prayed they wouldn’t be too late.

***

It was nearing dusk when they made it to the clearing, the helicopter pressed in on all sides by trees. The mosquitos had called their friends with the promise of a great meal, and Jack and Mac were covered in itchy bites that only Jack could feel.

Mac was completely limp in his arms, his body dead weight, head lolling back against the crook of Jack’s arm, face lax and pale. He hadn’t spoken for a couple of hours at least, unable to form words or use his vocal cords, but his eyes remained open. His chest still rose and fell somehow, and despite the cocktail of fear and acceptance swirling in Mac’s glassy eyes, his breathing was slow and steady, almost calm. Jack suspected that Curis had somehow managed to manipulate the poison to attack certain parts of the body first for optimal torture. He didn’t have any clue how anyone could do that, or if it were even possible, but the systematic way that Mac’s motor functions had deteriorated, leaving at last only his lungs and eyes with full range of motion, was too cruel to not be deliberate torture, he was sure of it.

It had been hours since Mac lost the ability to move the muscles in his face, but the toxin hadn’t seemed to progress any further and Jack was beginning to hope that maybe this modified version of the curare poison was only meant to incapacitate and not actually kill. It was as he laid Mac down on the waiting stretcher that he saw the slightest of shifts in Mac’s eyes, the anxiety turning to panic, and his eyes traveled down to see that Mac’s chest was jerking, spasming, as his kid desperately fought the paralysis that was now creeping into his lungs.

Jack forced himself to step back as the field medics that accompanied every exfil – sorely undertrained for something like this but welcome all the same – swarmed the stretcher. Jack’s mind was spinning, his whole body screamed at him to do something, to help, to save Mac, but there was nothing he could do, Mac was suffocating, God, please, no, he was dying, and there was nothing Jack could do.

Jack’s eyes found Mac’s face once more and his heart skipped a beat as he saw his kid was still alert, still fighting. His filmy blue eyes were fixed stolidly on Jack, and a single tear rolled down his cheek.

“I’m here, kid,” Jack called out, his voice lost in the urgent voices of the men and women trying to save Mac’s life. “I’m here.”

Mac blinked, slowly, with difficulty, and then his eyes went wide, rolling back into his head. Wet eyelashes fluttered closed, and Jack watched, helpless, paralyzed as his entire world collapsed around him.

[achliegh]

Golden

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Yeehaw Leo… it's all because this song came on one day (I don’t even really listen to country anymore so it really is fate). Leo is based off that song, each chapter is going to be based off a yeehaw song too.

Characters belong to @lumosinlove

Beta: @the-most-slyterin-hufflepuff & @punkkkboi

TW/CW: Smut, terrible yeehaw sayings and jokes, injuries, mentions of past death/suicide, minor character death, underage drinking, mentions of past arrests, cringe

Chapter Songs (listening in order is recommended):

Chapter 13:

Anchors Away

Clay was bored, wandering around the mall with nothing to do. Thomas was at practice, Noelle was at work at the aquarium. He was alone again and he really didn’t like it. Leo was busy cleaning the apartment for his mom who is showing up later tonight and Reg was hanging out at the rink.

Clay thought about going to the rink but everytime he goes for longer than 20 minutes he gets a head cold. He was walking past a recently closed store and heard faint music coming from inside. He walked in and noticed a small table set up with two men who were jokingly singing along to the song.

Clay took note of all the posters around the small store.

‘Feeling like you need a purpose in life?’ Yeah, he does. Everyone around him is doing actual things with their lives. Reg has started going to art school for errotic photography and portraits. Leo has been selling horses over video calls with rich clients and helping his mother set up times for the clients to go down and visit the horses at the ranch. Obviously, the hockey boys are playing hockey. Noelle is a year away from graduating and was recently promoted, and Clay just kind of existed…

Leo jokingly called him a houseboy when he mentioned how he just stays at home and cleans, now that's all he is ever called by Leo and Reg and it really makes Clay feel worthless. He knows they don’t mean anything by it but…. It still stings.

He moves on to the next poster. “Want financial benefits, healthcare, and more?”

That would be nice, to make his own money for once instead of his parents randomly filling his account with too much money. Something he knows he shouldn’t complain about but he wants to make a name for himself.

‘Join the U.S Navy.’ He paused, he doesn’t know a lot about his birth family, but he does know they were in the military. He has no clue which branch and he knows if he asked his parents they would help him in a heartbeat. But maybe this was a way to find out on his own.

He left the mall feeling lighter, a pep in his step.

He just enlisted in the navy. He was going to make something of himself and maybe even feel like he isn’t just watching his friends and partners pass him by.

Then it hit him, the one thing Leo and him promised each other they would never do is join the military. Because they both know how it fucks people up. Leo lost his uncle, and Clay’s dad lost his own father to PTSD from not having proper care after. Maybe he just screwed up…. But there was no going back now. He wouldn’t.

Walking in the house, Noelle was looking beautiful. She was wearing a pair of sweats rolled up twice at the waist and one of Clay’s old ratty t-shirts. Her curly hair was in her normal ponytail and she was putting on her sneakers. She looked tired from work.

Earlier in the week when Clay and Leo announced Eloise was coming to visit for a few days Noelle started stressing immediately. She has always worried about meeting parents because they always seem to dislike her when they first lay eyes on her, she blames it on her chronic RBF. Clay reassured her that Eloise would love her and actually already loves her from all the stories Clay has told her on her weekly calls.

Eloise was coming tonight, fuck! It was his birthday today and he forgot to mention it! Oops...

Thomas was sitting next to her, freshly showered in his own sweats and t-shirt looking relaxed, he was wearing some socks with little hamsters on them that Clay found for him a while ago. It made his heart jump and he felt his face stretch into a smile. He was scrolling through his phone and Thomas’ whole face opened up in a bright smile as soon as he saw Clay. He made Clay feel so special in a specific way, a way that is so different from how Noelle does and he loves them both.

He needs to tell them that.

“I have something to tell you guys… honestly, I don’t know how you will react but what's done is done.” He puts his hands in his jean pockets and taps the hell of his boots to the toe of his other boot. He was fidgeting and knew the other two noticed. It made him even more nervous.

“That doesn’t sound like good news.” Thomas looks at him a bit worried. His smile was still there but it fell slightly and Clay just wanted to fix it. He noticed Noelle had paused stomping on her shoes, oddly similar to Logan, it made him want to stop what he was going to say but… communication is important!

“Well, I first need you guys to promise me something, then I will make Finn and Logan promise the same thing when we see them because I know I will have to tell them.” He has to tell them, so they are ready for Leo just, not being okay.

And it was all gonna be Clay’s fault.

“What's the promise?” Noelle finishes putting on her shoe and looks up at him. She is trying her best to keep her face neutral but he could tell the wheels were turning in her brain.

“Do not tell Leo, I need to be the one to tell him… and I know he isn’t going to react well. Same goes for Reg but I will probably tell him a lot sooner than Leo.” He keeps on switching his feet that he is tapping and finally looks at them.

It’s now or never.

“I enlisted in the navy today.”

“Okay, Reg and I are going to pick up Ma and then we will be right back!” Leo has been all smiles all day. Finn knew he was close to his mom but this is just adorable.

“Drive safe!” Leo and Reg wave as they leave the apartment and as soon as the door closes Clay is standing in front of Finn and Logan who are snuggled together on the couch. Logan was wrapped up in Leo’s favorite blanket that his grandpa made for him before he passed away. It was a woven blanket with an image of Peanut on it. That blanket has seen Leo and Clay in their worst moments.

He was surprised Logan wasn’t scared of it given his fear of horses.

“Alright you two, I need to tell you something and it needs to be kept secret from Leo and Reg, if you so much as tell them a peep I will never forgive you. That will make family reunions super awkward.” Finn looks up from his phone where he and Logan were reading the comments on their latest tiktok on their joined account.

“Don’t look at me.” Finn raises his hand on surrender and looks at Logan who rolls his eyes annoyed and snatches Finn’s phone away to keep reading the comments.

“I enlisted in the navy-” Clay didn’t even get the full sentence out before Logan had thrown the phone down on the cushion next to him and Finn covered his mouth with his hand looking shocked.

“YOU DID WHAT?”

“Mama!” Leo hugs Eloise tightly as she drops her bags to hug him back. “How was the flight?” He squeezes her tightly before noticing her new hearing aid is flashing is three blinks then a pause and three more blinks. “I think your hearing aid is dying. Make sure to charge them when we get home.” She either ignores him or doesn’t hear him even though she can normally hear him this close.

“Rick was a great pilot as always, even let me bring y’all some moonshine he made. It's watermelon and raspberry!.” Eloise pulls away after one last squeeze and sees Reg and her smile widens. “Reg! I’m so happy you’re here!” She waits for him to open his arms as an invitation to hug him so she knows he is comfortable with her touching him and she does as soon as he opens his arms. Tighter than she did Leo. “Have you been eating well? How about sleeping? Did you ever enroll in college?”

“Yes, yes and yes.” Reg can’t help but laugh when she picks him up still hugging him and sways him around. He isn’t used to this much affection from a mother figure but… they love it.

“I’m so proud of you for following your dream.” She pulls away and smiles at him with a sincere smile and brushes his hair back. “Your hair looks nice by the way.”

“Thank you.” Reg and Leo help her with her bags and pack them into the truck and drive the short way back to the apartment. Talking about everything and anything. The door man sends a wink Eloise’s way and she holds up her left hand where her wedding ring is. Letting him know she is taken. Walking up to the apartment they smell an odd smell through the door and everyone shares a look.

“I promise it doesn't normally smell this way unless… oh no.”

“What does that mean!?” She leans over to Reg to whisper as Leo fiddles with his key in the lock.

“It means Finn and Logan tried to cook something.” Reg whispers to Eloise as Leo opens the door, Clay was the first to greet them, smiling his million dollar smile he hugs Elosie so tight it surprises her.

“Hello Bluebell! I was surprised I didn’t see you at the airport. How are you doing sweetheart! Twenty years old today! You’re all growing up so fast.” She kisses his forehead and they pull apart. “You look good. Your mother wants you to call her later tonight so she can sing happy birthday.”

“It's your birthday!” Noelle pipes up and looks at Clay offended. “And you didn’t tell us!” He cringes before turning to her.

“Oh, I guess I forgot.” He walks over to her and kisses her cheek while Eloise puts her hand on her chest from just how cute they are.

“Seems like that should have been the first thing you told us this morning instead of, ‘ I feel like a jellyfish’.” Thomas laughs a little and kisses both Noelle and Clay’s cheeks. “So cute.”

“It slipped my mind!”

“Okay, what is that smell?” Leo leads Eloise towards the kitchen after she is done fawning over how cute those three are. Finn and Logan are suspiciously standing in the way of the countertop right next to the stove. “What are you hiding?”

Finn turns bright red and Logan looks anywhere but Leo. Eloise sets her purse on the counter and walks over to them, giving them both kisses on the cheek.

“What did you make us?”

“Well… we tried to make a cake from your cookbook-”

“It didn’t go very well.” They both move to the side to reveal a lopsided cake with some diluted frosting dripping off and random coconut flakes floating around on it. “Can you at least tell what it is?” Logan casually turned the plate so the ‘good side’ was facing Leo and Eloise.

“Umm… not really. Do you mind just telling us?” Eliose was examining the cake, trying to figure out what cinnamon cake she had in her cookbook. None that she can remember.

“Something called,” Finn walks over to the book and notices Clay and Reg standing to the side with their phones up and probably recording. “Divinity Cake.” The room was suddenly really still and quiet. Eloise looked like she was about to cry and Leo was just staring at the cake in shock.

Then Eloise brokedown in laughter, to the point where she was laughing so hard she was on the ground holding her stomach and crying. Finn and Logan were visibly confused and looked to Leo for an explanation, only to find him trying to conceal his laughter in the crooks of his arm.

“Oh my god! What is so funny?” Logan looks at the cookbook and then back at the cake. It looked terrible but they tried their best! They didn’t burn the house down at least.

“Oh my lovely lovely boys.” Leo wraps an arm around both their shoulders and pulls them in close so they are all cheek to cheek for a moment. “Divinity cake is usually cooked for your in-laws in the south.. To prove you are worthy of being a good wife.” explains through his laughing breaks. “This is amazing.”

Eloise eventually stands up and dabs her eyes so she doesn’t smear her makeup. Pulling the two embarrassed boys into a tight hug. “Y’all are so sweet. Thank you for the cake.” She gives them both sloppy kisses on the cheeks and then pats where she just kissed. “Alright I’m going to put my things in the guest room and then we can cook something up for y’all to eat.” She smiles and takes most of her bags to the guest room but forgets her purse. “Finn, would you be a dear and grab my purse for me?” She calls out and Finn being the sweetheart he is, grabs the bag and tries to take it with him as he walks past.

The bag won’t budge, Leo is watching with a smile on his face and his arms crossed. Finn tugs at the bag again and eventually gets it off the counter, it nearly knocks him over with how heavy it is. He scurried to Eloise’s room and gave it to her. She holds it like it’s nothing.

He makes his way back over to Leo and sinks into his chest, his face buried in his neck. Logan is still poking the cake, showing off just how gelatinous it is. Clay and Reg are comparing videos that they took and laughing at how they zoomed in on different faces. Sending them to each other.

“I’m sorry we messed up the cake.” Finn looks up at Leo and sees the sweetest little smile, showing his dimples off. Finn has noticed Leo’s tan from the summer is fading and it is making the small scar across his nose more prominent. It was cute.

“Honestly, it’s better than anything else y’all have made. Plus, now Mama can teach you how to make it the right way for the next time she visits.” Leo kisses his eyebrow and wraps his arms around him as Finn pouts even more. Logan eventually makes his way over and rests his head on Leo’s shoulder.

“Maybe it still tastes good?” He closes his eyes and rubs his cheek on Leo’s soft shirt and tough shoulder, massaging his jaw muscles. His arms are crossed.

“We can try it afte Mama and I make some food, how about y’all pick out what you want so she can put on her mini cooking show.” Leo feels the boys lean off of him and smiles as he watches them pour over each page of the book looking for a meal they want.

“Alright, I’m ready to cook.” Eloise comes back into the room and gathers everyone so they are sitting on the other side of the counter, unless they are Reg or Leo because they are allowed to help cook. Finn and Noelle have taken the two seats while Clay and Thomas are on either side of them watching and Logan is in between them.

They all watch as Eloise explains what she is doing in hopes it helps them understand and make them want to try and make this on their own. Logan gets in trouble for focusing on Leo instead of what she is teaching and she gives him a smirk.

“You remind me a lot of Wyatt, you know that? Around the same height too.” She smiles as she fiddles with her ring after she washed her hands to get the rest of the flour off her hands. Leo is watching the food in the oven as he leans against the counter and nods in agreement with her.

“I do?” Logan looks at her a little confused, he sadly never got the chance to meet Wyatt but he always pictured him as more of the strong and silent type who was also tall, giving Leo his extra few inches of height.

“He was 5’10 and the sweetest man I have ever met, he was goofy and carefree like Finn and always had this hard look in his eyes like you do. Unless he was looking at Leo or I, or in your case Leo. Please don’t look at me like that.” Leo snorts and smiles.

“That would be kinda weird.” He turns his head over his shoulder and smiles at his boys. “Why don’t we tell them some stories about dad? I never really talk about him because… well, it still hurts.” Eloise smiles a little sad at her son and gives his arm a comforting squeeze. Her love language.

“Well, he was in the air force.” She notices Clay looking away, Noelle suddenly looks uncomfortable and Thomas looks a little sad. Something was off. “He and his twin brother Wess joined at the same time, and flew fighter jets together. His brother was shot down and Wyatt made Leo promise to never join. After he came back he vowed to never leave again. He kept his promise.” She smiles at the image of him coming home still fresh in her mind. “He was in love with music, sometimes I think he loved music more than us. He tried to get Leo to learn how to play instruments but the poor boy is so tone deaf he couldn’t figure anything out.” She laughs a little as Leo smiles. “I remember when Leo was being taught the guitar Wyatt would be thrown into laughing fits when Leo would play the wrong chords and smile up at him like he just did something.”

“I thought I did!” Leo laughs a little and turns around to face everyone else. “Look It took me forever to learn rhythm, and now I can dance like there is no tomorrow… still can’t sing though.”

“Ahmen!” Clay pipes up and ducks as Leo throws a spoon at him.

“Shut up!”

“Wyatt did manage to teach Clay how to play fiddle somehow, do you still play?” Eloise checks the food in the oven and determines it's not done.

“I haven’t played since… yeah I haven’t played in a while.”

“He was so proud of you. Wyatt was also a sportsman. He loved sports, especially baseball. So when Leo came home and told Wyatt he joined the team, they went out back and played catch for, I don’t know, hours.”

“My arm was sore the next day.”

“He came to every single game of Leo’s besides one, and was his biggest fan. He made shirts with Leo’s player picture on them and wore them to every game. No matter how many times Leo begged him not to!” The timer goes off and Reg gets the food out of the oven.

“Is this done?” He asks, Eloise comes over to check and nods.

“Looks good! How about we eat?” She smiles and has everyone line up so she can dish it out for them.

Thomas and Noelle are getting ready to leave when Eloise asks Clay to join her outside. He gives them a worried look but follows her. Outside is cold, and there is a bit of snow on the railing of the balcony.

“Talk to me Clayton, something is wrong, I noticed it earlier.” She looks at him and taps her foot as he pulls out a cigarette and lights it. “Clayton.”

“I joined the navy, and I haven’t told Leo, and I ask that you don’t tell him either because he needs to hear this from me.” He is looking out at the traffic below so he doesn’t have to watch her face. He knows she is upset with him.

“Is that what you really want to do?” She walks up next to him and joins him in looking at the traffic. Clay has always admired how strong Eloise is, she has been through a hell of a lot and still has this calm and stable energy.

“Yes.”

“Then you made the right choice.” She turns and looks at him, smiling in a way that he knows is trying to hide her sadness. She ruffles his hair as he finishes his cig and puts it out on the bottom of his boot. “Have you told Noelle and Thomas?”

“Yeah.” He knows his short answers sound hostile but he wants to be away from this conversation.

“They support you?” She always makes sure he has support, it hurts sometimes. Like he can’t just get support himself and he always needs help.

“Yes.” She nods and walks back towards the door.

“Then you better spend as much time with them as you can.” She goes inside, leaving Clay to think about everything by himself.

It was dangerous.

He walks back inside and they leave. Noelle turns around from the passenger seat and smirks at Clay. He was in for a fun night.

“I’m off to bed boys, we have a busy day tomorrow!” Elosie kisses her boy's cheeks and walks to her room.

“I like you mom.” Logan says as he tackles Leo to the ground straddling his back with his scented markets in hand. He tugs at Leo’s shirt, he complies and takes it off. Logan has been dying to do this all day.

“I hope not too much!” Leo crosses his arms under his head until Finn sits down next to him and he pulls his thigh so it's underneath Leo’s head. Leo shivers as the cold marker hits his skin and Logan begins coloring.

“What other stories do you have about Wyatt?” Finn rubs his fingers over Leo’s short hair that has really grown out over the past month, it was starting to curl at the ends making Leo look sweet.

“He used to read to me when I was little, then when I was able to read I would read to him until he fell asleep and started snoring.” Leo smiles and Finn can feel it on his leg. “He was also my coach for little league baseball for a bit and he was great but not everyone liked that he was my dad. Other parents thought I was getting special treatment. Also he would argue with the umpires and get in trouble!” Leo bursts out laughing and Logan gorans.

“Leoooooooooo! Be still!” Leo calms down and lets Logan keep coloring the flowers of his back piece.

“Sorry sorry, I just remembered when he got kicked out of a game because an umpire called Clay out when he was safe. It was hilarious. He called the umpire a muppet.” Smiling Leo yawns and blinks a few times.

“You can fall asleep, we will wake you up and go to bed when Logan finishes.” Finn is scrolling on his phone and is petting Leo’s head as he feels it get heavier with sleep. Finn looks up at Logan after making sure Leo is asleep.

“We need to tell him we love him.”

“Yeah, we do.” They smile at each other and share a peck before going back to what they were doing.

The next morning Finn and Logan wake up with a Leo sized dent in the bed and not Leo. They wander out to the kitchen and get smacked in the face with the smell of blueberry pancakes. They float into the kitchen and smile at the sight. Eloise has her hair in curlers and is in a thick grey robe and Leo’s sweatpants because she doesn’t own a pair. Her face is free of makeup and it shows how well she has taken care of her skin over the years. She is flipping a couple of pancakes while Leo sips on some apple juice. Just chatting away about the plan for today.

“Okay so after family skate is the party at Pascal and Celeste’s.”

“I won’t be at family skate dear, I have some work to do today.” She puts the last pancake on a plate, making sure that each plate has two, she takes two plates over to the table while Leo carries the other two.

“Ma, you promised me you wouldn’t work while you were here.” He sighs and sets the plates down. He sighs and sits down, not noticing the other two people in the room, he starts poking at his pancakes with his cheek on his hand and elbow on the table. Sulking.

“I know sweetheart but these people are someone who your Daddy tried to sell to for years. They plan to get two mares and then I will be at the party. On time. I promise.” She puts the dishes from cooking in the sink and fills the pancake batter bowl with hot water before grabbing her cup of coffee and walking over to sit next to Leo.

Logan and Finn share a look. They shouldn’t be listening to this.

“Okay but, just please be there towards the beginning of the party. I want to introduce you to my-... the team.” Leo furrows his brow not understanding why he about called the lions his team, when he doesn’t even play hockey.

“I will try my best, Merigold.” She pats his hand and Logan and Finn make their entrance, yawning and stretching as they walk over to the table. “Morning boys.”

“Morning!” Finn smacks a kiss on Leo’s temple as he walks past and Logan does the same, taking their seats and chowing down.

Later that day Eloise was putting her hair in a ponytail as she checked to make sure there were no creases in her uniform. Well, it's not a uniform but what she likes her and Leo to wear when they go to sell.

A black tall-neck turtle neck with long sleeves and tight to the body. Some khaki colored riding pants with tall back socks and brown riding boots. Professional yet comfortable. She was selling to the Malfoy family today, the father is buying these mares for his sons wedding coming up. She is still convinced that they only want their mares because Wyatt is gone, making Knut horses more desirable.

They were in contact with Wyatt for years and were not very nice. She knows she needs to make this sale though. Walking out to the living room to grab her purse she sees Leo moping on the couch by himself. She sighs out of her nose, walking over to him and petting the top of his head.

“I promise I will be there tonight, with moonshine.” She smiles as Leo rolls his eyes.

“I trust you.” Then he stood and gave her good luck and a hug before walking back to his bedroom… not the master bedroom. She takes a deep breath and leaves the apartment.

The rink was cold, Leo was bundled up in his new coat, hat and gloves while rocking his normal jeans and boots. His brand new skates were in hand, not broken in so he was wearing two pairs of tall socks just to help against blisters. Clay actually owned a pair of skates and has been skating since he was younger because he has family in Montana that he would visit for the holidays.

Jerk.

Leo was sitting in Finn's stall just trying to stay warm while he watched Noelle tie one of Clay’s skates and Thomas tie the other. Leo had to admit, he was so happy for Clay, seeing him with that sappy smile makes Leo know that he’s okay. He never smiled like that with Ashley.

Logan walks over to him, completely ready to skate and looking good. He was wearing his favorite well worn sweats and Leo’s new thrifted sweater that was dark green, showing off his eyes. He was wearing his normal cap backwards and Leo has always found it funny that Logan will never wear a hat forwards.

“Ready to get laced up?” Leo nods and holds out a skate to Logan. “You’re very quiet right now, are you that cold?” Leo just narrows his eyes and gives a short nod. Logan shows him how to lace up and once his other skate is on he stands up and nearly falls over.

“This is going to be terrible… is there a dentist nearby? I have a tendency to fall teeth first into the ground.” Licking over his chipped tooth absentmindedly he looks around. There were kids running around in skates and jumping into other players arms. He smiles a bit and rests his elbow on Logan’s head who is wear much more worn down skates so Leo is a fucking giant to him. “You’re the perfect height.”

“Yeah yeah, lets watch you try and walk. Then we can find Finn who I’m guessing is talking to Syd.” Logan helps Leo take a few steps knowing Leo has no balance at all. In skates or not. He has witnessed this name trip over nothing.

“Whose Syd?” Leo starts walking on his own and feels like this isn’t so bad.

“My oldest sister. Aubry is here too. They also play professional hockey. So… don’t get on their bad sides.” Leo stops walking.

“You never mentioned your sisters will be here! I thought I was meeting them when we go to visit your parents in a week! Oh boy… Do they know about you and Finn?” Leo continues walking after Logan grabs his hand and leads him out of the tunnel.

“Yes they know about me and Finn, I told my family first because… well my parents love him and my sisters all had a bet so… yeah. But they don’t know about you because I didn’t know if you were ready for that.” Leo stops him before they completely exit the tunnel and presses him up against the wall, kissing him softly.

“Thank you.” Leo smiles when Logan does and they pull apart to see they are the last out of the tunnel. Walking out Leo stops in front of the ice. “Yo, I don’t know if I have enough ego to let me fall face first onto the ice in front of a whole hockey team yet.”

“What, you aren’t up for the challenge?” Clay skates right up to him, not as seamless as everyone else but still pretty well. He has this challenging look in his eyes and Leo knows exactly what is going to happen. “I knew you weren’t good at everything.” Leo launches himself at LCay who skates out of the way just in time for Leo to miss and barely holds himself up as he glides across the ice.

“Clay! When I get my hands on you, I swear!” Then he falls flat on his ass and gorans laying down, staring at the ceiling annoyed. This sucks.

Clay is having an absolute field day, Laughing his ass off as he skates up to Leo and helps him stand. Patting his back for a moment and letting Leo get his balance he then pushes him over and skates away.

“CLAYTON!” Leo falls basically into a middle split and it distracts Finn from his conversation with Logan and his sisters, hitting Logan’s chest until he looks over at Leo who is still being taunted by Clay and now Reg.

“I didn’t know he could do that.” They share a look and both seem to get ideas around the same time because their faces get all reg and they high five.

“Who is that?” Sydney is readjusting her hat as she looks at Leo. “He’s a cutie, I wouldn’t mind getting a piece of that.”

“Agreed. He is really handsome.” Aubry nods in agreement and Logan is suddenly possessive. He glares at them.

“Back off, he’s mine!” He crosses his arms and turns his attention back to Leo who is now talking to Katie who has made herself at home on his leg. Leo looks like he is trying his best not to shake from how cold he is.

“You have Finn, let us have our fun.” Aubrey hits his shoulder and skates over to Leo and Katie. “Need some help?” Katie smiles at her. Leo looks up at her and gives a shy smile because he is embarrassed. Nodding she holds out her hand, Katie grabs his other hand and helps him up. With Katie on one side and Aubry on the other, Leo starts more skating and less falling over.

“Awww they are so cuteeeee.” Sydney smiles at them and hears Logan grumble, looking at them annoyed and Finn is still snorting everytime Leo stumbles. But Finn has this look in his eyes that Sydney has only ever seen him give Logan. She hopes there isn’t anything shady going on between those three.

Eventually, Aubry and Leo stake back over to Finn, Logan and Sydeny who are all still chatting on the ice and sipping their hot chocolate that Celeste brought.

“Can I have a sip?” Logan holds up his cup over his shoulder to Leo’s lips, because Leo is behind him, and holds it as he takes a sip. “Mm, so yummy. I’ve never really had this before. Hot chocolate?” Leo doesn’t really drink warm drinks at all, even the coffee is normally cooled down to where it isn’t hot, sometimes iced.

“You should have Finn make you some, he is really good at it.” Finn kisses Logan's forehead and smiles.

“It’s like the one thing I learned how to make properly. Alex taught me! He is coming to the party later tonight if you want to meet him.”

“I’d love to meet him! Now, I’ve met Aubry. I’m guessing you are Sydney? Logan talks about you guys sometimes but I don’t know a lot.” Leo smiles at her and reaches his hand out to shake hers.

“You have a southern accent…” Aubry and her share a look.

Logan is definitely not keeping him from them.

[thosemotivationalquotes]

All lives matter?

Black lives don’t matter getting murdered by cops. Syrian lives don’t matter when caught in the middle of a civil war. Muslim lives don’t matter when persecuted by ISIS (90%of ISIS victims are Muslim). Women’s lives don’t matter when 1 and 6 are raped. Trans lives don’t matter when 27 are murdered without any justice. Disabled lives don’t matter when republicans threaten to cut healthcare.

All Lives Matter? That would be great if it were actually true.

[heavensenthearty]

Can’t get over the irony in that post about oppression you rb’d. First they have a great message about trying to have empathy about other people’s situations and not making assumptions about them just because they’re different... then “oh but you can’t have an opinion if you’re white lol”... that person really just invalidated their entire post huh. So much for “empathy” lmao, what a hypocrite. Respect goes both ways

TW // Death, racism, communism, allusions to suicide

I think that in this modern times the word "white" has become a synonym of "from a first-world country" because the majority of the population in the main first-world countries is white, (I didn't design the phenotype 🤷🏽‍♀️). So it's not completely accurate, but it's the second-best and shorter option, I suppose.

Then again, it is very rare to find a kind of oppression specifically inflicted over white people. That's not saying bigotry and disdain for interracial couples doesn't exist and doesn't invalidates that issue, but the OG post you're mentioning indeed had oppression as its main focus.

It's no secret the U.S. is going through some tough times, and I do try to be as sympathetic as possible considering their issues are taking place in a country that is not my own. Nevertheless, my U.S. friends are being affected by these problems, and if they are as emotionally shook as they are, then I can't claim my problems are worse than theirs, because each of us lives through the difficulties in a different way.

But... I am human. I can get angry. Especially when I feel even the people I consider my friends are throwing a fit over a problem that I see rather mild compared to mine.

I've already said that I hate the "minimum wage" discourse because at least in your country you can get your wage increased without the prices of the food and first need products being increased as well. In my country, our minimum wage is increased fairly often, the problem is that every time it does our currency devalues itself for the reason that we don't count with the emergency funds to give that much money without retribution, so the price of everything else also has to increase to continue the cycle. It's a constant chase and a permanent reminder that it doesn't even matter how hard you try, you will never be able to afford food for more than a week.

Yes, it must be difficult to not count with affordable healthcare, but at least your country has doctors. Mine doesn't. Or rather, my city and most of the other states don't. Most of the doctors left the country faster than the rats left the Titanic when Venezuela started becoming... what it is today. (Smart guys, huh? 😏 They earned that diploma.)

Yes, it must be annoying to have two-hours-long internet outages every now and then, but at least your country doesn't have 6-days-long complete blackouts with the communications, the water, and the domestic gas being totally cut off.

And it's not that I appreciate my friends any less, but every time I talk about these stuff their answers are either "I'm sorry", "No bueno", "Mad respect for you" and we just proceed to talk about something "happier".

Thanks, but you think any of that is going to keep me from fucking dying if the rest of the desperate people in here decide to loot my house in search of somewhere to sleep themselves?

This is what happened during the other blackouts:

People looted all stores and malls looking for something to eat and abandoned houses for somewhere to sleep. I sleep every night knowing that if the situation presents itself, there'll be a pretty good chance someone comes through my window and kill me and my mom in our sleep to take our house as if it was theirs. I have to be ready to sleep with a knife next to my bed like I did the first times.

First-world countries can't relate, right?

And no offense to anyone but they don't make the effort to relate, they don't ask people the background of everything that's happening in their suffering countries, they just make assumptions and repeat propaganda and when we do tell them how things really are, they tell us to shut up because they know more about these stuff.

Behold the comments I've received from, yes, white people after I talked about the situation in my country:

"Well, if you guys were better at (insert random socio-econimic system) then you so many bad things wouldn't happen to you."

"Geez, why can't you all Latin American countries be unproblematic like Uruguay."

"I don't have time for your little girl definitions of racism."

"I can't take you seriously, you think Venezuela is communist."

"I don't care about your anti-communist things."

But sure, how could I forget the time an Asian person but living in the U.S. retweeted my story of how my mom lost her company with laughing emojis and saying "Can you believe someone would share this and have such little sense of privacy?"

Or the time a person with supposed depression sent me GIFs of Chavez laughing.

... I don't want to talk... about what I... thought about doing after that.

You're right, Anon, respect goes both ways. And these people didn't respect me and my country, so I'm not obliged to respect theirs.

I just do so because I have empathy.

[prettygirlseat]

TW.

I am furious. And sad. And deeply disturbed at the sheer nature of the world we live in.

Some of the worlds most powerful people were involved in a multi-billion dollar international sex trafficking ring, including Donald Trump, who is currently the leader of the free world. Wealthy individuals from all over the world including former president Bill Clinton, Kevin Spacey, Chris Tucker, Prince Andrew the Duke of York, U.S Attorney General William Barr, Woody Allen, Naomi Campbell and so many more very very wealthy and powerful people. The worlds richest people all involved in a sex trafficking syndicate of underage children to become sex slaves. It’s disgusting, abhorrent, and absolutely mindboggling to read the testimonies of these minors and what they were forced and lured into doing.

In addition, in a summary posted by #Anonymous , the international hacking network, former British intelligence official carried out direct orders from Prince Philip and the British Crown to assinate Princess Diana. (All I can think about is all the good that poor woman was trying to do and her children that now have to endure knowing that their own family ordered the murder of their mother)

If that isn’t enough, we all know people of color have been wrongly murdered at the hands of those in uniform long before slavery was abolished. And in the 150+ years since the “abolition” of slavery, the same foundational principles of racism and oppression still exist deeply rooted in every aspect of society. From the financial markets and the housing markets, to healthcare (including mental health) and education, there is a very very deep discrepancy between who is oppressed and who is free. And we all know I hope the extent to which the military, police, and overarching government oppress and silence entire groups of people for existing. National guards and police districts have enacted what looks like a war zone — targeting journalists, medics, and peaceful protesters who are exercising their first amendment right to assembly. Innocent men, women, and children die every day at the hands of those who swear to protect us but keep a gun on their waists and disgusting thoughts in their heads.

If you aren’t completely outraged and disturbed by what is going on, please unfollow me. This world is hurting. Our people are hurting. We’re angry. In all aspects of this world right now: NO JUSTICE, NO PEACE. Do not let them silence you. We will fight back and one way or another we will achieve the change we deserve for our communities. When a government does not follow the will of the people and the laws become tyrannical, it is the right of the people to alter or abolish it and institute a new government in its place.

Stay safe, stay hopeful, stay informed.