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hold-him-down · 3 years ago

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Derek’s Back: Part 3

part one part two

TW: mostly emotional whump/angst, implied prisoner abuse, implied past noncon, implied past whipping, referenced med whump/medication, PTSD, poorly researched international affairs/law

✥ ✥ ✥

Jack stared, expressionless and hard, at the bathroom door. Derek had been in the shower for– he checked his watch nervously– a long time, and Jack had become increasingly anxious with every passing minute. While he understood that giving Derek space, and more specifically, time alone to decompress, would be a pivotal part of keeping the peace, it made his stomach knot itself up.

Derek had casually disregarded a mostly joking offer for company with a half-hearted smile and an anxious hand to the back of his neck. In response, Jack smiled, nodding in agreement and mumbling something about it being a good call.

He spent the first several minutes pacing just outside the bathroom, his fingers fidgeting relentlessly, knuckles hovering inches away from the door then dropping, over and over. After twenty, with no sounds coming from the bathroom but the steady stream of water (no singing, no sobbing, no indicators of life at all), Jack did knock. Just to make sure that Derek was upright, and that he was okay.

The water shut off moments later, but Derek didn’t emerge. Jack allowed his imagination to run rampant, and just as he lifted his hand to knock again, the door swung open.

Immediately, Jack’s eyes were drawn to Derek’s face, the heartbreaking realization that it was peppered with splotches and the only viable culprit of them hitting him harder than he expected. Derek’s eyes were rimmed in a dull red, eyelids heavy. He clutched the towel tightly around his waist as he took an automatic step backward at their unexpected proximity.

“Sorry,” Derek said, eyes falling to the floor. “I didn’t realize you were still here. I thought you’d… I thought you would have gone…”

“No,” Jack replied. He probably should have gone, but Derek couldn’t have actually believed that. He cleared his throat. “Let me get you some clothes,” he said, keeping his gaze carefully trained on anything other than Derek’s body.

He turned, pinching his eyes shut for a moment, delivering himself a swift berating for overstepping boundaries. Derek needed time alone to process things, Jack told himself, a mantra on repeat, as he quickly crossed the room to the pile of clothing folded on the chair. He should leave.

“How was the shower?” he asked instead. He pinched his eyes shut, swallowing back the words that were threatening to spill. “I mean, I assume you had showers in… yeah. Obviously. I’m sure it was just another shower.” He cleared his throat. “I– I hope it was a good shower.”

Jack stood and turned to Derek, who was still pressed anxiously in the door frame, clutching the towel. “Here, bu–” His mouth snapped shut for a moment, then he crossed the room with a tight smile. “I think the embassy guy dropped these off. I didn’t… catch his name. They’re clean.”

Derek reached a tentative hand out and took the clothing, pulling it tight to his chest.

“Thank you,” he said softly, taking a hesitant step out of the bathroom. He moved to the corner of the bedroom and before Jack could offer him privacy, he turned, facing the wall.

And, as resolved as Jack was to not look at Derek when he wasn’t invited to, he couldn’t miss it. “Derek–” His name whooshed out of him before he could pull it back. Jack’s lungs deflated, struggled to pull in air, and he tried, he fucking tried, to take a step backward. But his feet wouldn’t quite work.

Scars ran the length of Derek’s back. Thick, jagged lines the criss-crossed and overlapped and some were old and some were newer and– And Derek’s body was tense. More tense than normal, or, whatever this new normal was. Jack could see it in the way Derek froze, clutching the towel in one hand, the clothes in the other, and staring into the wall. He knew. He knew what Jack was seeing and what Jack was thinking and he was frozen, right there with him.

He was painfully aware, in that moment, how monumentally stupid he had been. For staying in here, for cornering Derek, for thinking anything other than what had obviously happened happened.

Jack swallowed, forcing his eyes to the floor. He counted his breaths, and when his vision stopped spotting, he spoke automatically.

“I’m sorry,” he said, hearing his own voice distantly and distorted. He kept his eyes on one little spot, where something heavy must have dug into the hardwood leaving a shallow divot, which might have been the only thing keeping him upright at that moment. “I shouldn’t have–”

He shouldn’t have done a lot of things. The line of Derek’s jaw tightened. And Jack, for all his good intentions, made another mistake, and took another step closer, letting the tips of his fingers connect with Derek’s shoulder.

In an instant, all the tension in Derek’s body returned. Derek jerked away, pressing himself closer to the wall. His hands shook as he dropped the clothing, fumbling over his grip on the towel.

“Don’t–” Derek squeezed his eyes shut. “Please don’t touch me.” He spoke through a tightly clenched jaw. “Let me… please, just let me get dressed, and then– Just– I’m… I’m sorry.” His tone was sharp, but his volume low, as he stuttered over his words.

Jack nodded, voice caught in his throat. Derek couldn’t see that, though. Derek couldn’t see that, and Jack was so goddam uncertain that all he could do was pull his hand back, keeping it up and in plain view; a show of vulnerability or trustworthiness or just generally attempting to radiate ‘i-come-in-peace’ vibes. It was all wrong though, very wrong. Derek stood stone still, his eyes shut tight and his face ghostly white as he battled some clear-as-day internal war.

Jack watched, frozen, until Derek finally spoke. “If you want to… if you want to fuck me, you can. Just, please don’t… please don’t hurt me.” He swallowed, his eyes opening slowly but remaining trained on the wall, which was just inches from his face. “Please,” he said, softer.

Jack couldn’t, right then, find the words to express the emotion that was bubbling just under the surface. It was horror. It was a tsunami of image after image after image after image; every worst nightmare he had had, crashing into reality. It was guilt. It was the thought that had plagued him off and on and off and on and on and on and on; the one that kept him up at night but that he tried desperately to keep in check. It should have been him.

He took a step back, and then a few more, just to be sure. He knew he needed to say something, that every moment spent in silence and uncertainty was a moment that Derek thought he was going to hurt him, but his stomach was turning over and over.

He swallowed. “I’m sorry,” Jack said quietly. “Tell me what you need from me.” Derek didn’t respond. His free hand, flat against the wall, fisted, and his forehead came to rest just next to it. Jack watched his back as it rose and fell too quickly. There was so much he didn’t know. Derek fought to bring himself back, and all Jack could do was watch it happen.

From his angle, Jack could only see half of his face, but it was enough to see the silent tears streaming down his cheeks.

“I won’t touch you,” he said softly, “I’m not going to touch you.”

Something shifted inside of Derek then, and he lowered himself to the floor, still clutching that goddamn towel for all it was worth. Jack mirrored him, his hands shadowing the scarred flesh of Derek’s shoulders, but careful to keep his promise.

Eventually, Jack spoke. “Tell me what you need,” he said evenly.

Derek nodded.

“Do you need me to… go? To call someone?”

“No,” Derek said, swallowing. “No. I’m okay.”

“Okay.” It was a whisper, and it was full of the unspoken acknowledgement that Derek was not okay. But neither of them knew where to go from there.

Derek looked down at his hands, and then around the room, his eyes landing briefly on the door, before he cast them back to the floor.

“I don’t think I can leave you like this,” Jack said, moving back a little bit. “I don’t think I can… I can’t leave you like this, Derek.”

Derek nodded.

“I’m sorry,” Derek eventually replied. Jack expected nothing less. “It’s been… it’s been a tough couple years.”

Jack choked out a laugh, feeling his own tears prick at his eyes. He moved back further as Derek squirmed into his shorts, then his shirt, and let his head fall back against the wall.

“I don’t think I need to say this,” Jack said, “but I’m going to anyway. You know you can talk to me. Whenever you’re ready, right?”

Derek nodded. Again. He curled in on himself, letting his weight fall into the darkest crevice of the room, letting his eyes fall shut.

“At least– Can you at least get to bed? Can I help you?” he asked, standing. He put his hand out for Derek, unsure if he would even accept the peace offering. But he did, placing his hand into Jack’s and gingerly rising.

Jack helped him to the mattress, and then helped him cover up. “Do you want some water? Or, uh, booze? Anything?”

“Water,” Derek responded, his eyes already closed as his body balled up tightly.

Jack nodded, retreating to the bathroom. He paused at the sink, splashing water onto his face, regarding his own reflection. A younger man stared back at him, one who still had faith in humanity. One who hadn’t seen what he had seen and who didn’t know what he knew. One who was optimistic about life, about love, about his faith and the world. One who still had dreams of changing it. He shook off the image, his eye catching on an array of pill bottles.

Jesus Christ.

He fumbled over a few of them one by one, unable to make out their purpose. He doubted Derek even knew. He counted seven all together, and placed the one he held onto the tray.

The bed was empty by the time he made it back. After a quick scan of the room, he found Derek, curled up by the window, something akin to a cat basking in the sun, his body sprawled on the floor and centered where the light hit the brightest. But he was asleep, Jack was pretty sure.

He left the water on the bedside table and took the blanket from the bed, draping it over the frail, tense body of his best friend. He resisted any urges to touch his cheek, or his forehead, or his hand. But he allowed himself the gratuity of watching Derek sleep, if just for a few minutes.

He closed the door as quietly as he could on the way out.

✥ ✥ ✥

The rest of the day was something of a blur. Jack was careful to give Derek distance, and so, it seemed, was everyone else. Embassy workers were in and out, but they kept away from the bedroom, as well.

Derek’s parents remained at arms-length. Breakfast had rattled everyone, and the thing in the bedroom™ had only added to the tension. His mom asked Jack, every hour or so, if he thought Derek might want food or clothing or books or electronics or anything else, but what they weren't understanding was that Jack felt just as lost as they were.

Eventually, their attempts at conversation dwindled and the silence became the norm.

As the sun set on another day in Adana, and the three sat quietly watching it, Jack was certain that everyone’s minds were on Derek. Derek hadn’t come out of the bedroom, and Jack hadn’t pressed. He was more shaken by what had happened than he was letting on, and the thought of being responsible for something like that happening to Derek again... he was okay with taking some space for a bit.

He could feel Derek’s parents’ eyes on him, trying not to be too obvious about watching him, but the question was there.

When he felt like he couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer, he stood. “I’m going to head to bed,” he said, not sure what the expected protocol was in situations like these. Mrs. Lewis smiled and nodded.

“You’ll let me know, right? If anything changes?”

“Of course,” she replied. She walked him to the door. “Jack?” she said, as he stepped into the hallway. “Thank you. I… I don’t think this is easy on you. On anyone. Take care of yourself, too, okay?”

Jack smiled, sleepily nodding. “You, too.”

He crossed the hall to his own room quietly and passed out on the couch nearly the moment he laid down.

✥ ✥ ✥

Jack wasn’t sure how much time had passed before a knock startled him awake. And in spite of himself, his exhaustion, his emotions and his nightmares and his generally fucking fragile mental state, he smiled as he blinked himself awake. Because he knew, or at least he thought he knew, who was on the other side of the door.

He didn’t say anything as he opened it, but he couldn’t wipe the smile off of his face. With all that had changed, so much was still the same, too. He moved aside for Derek to enter.

“Can I?” he asked, remembering his earlier promise, as he cautiously moved closer, lifting his hand slowly. Derek nodded, his own exhaustion written in every line of his face, even lit only by moonlight. Jack brushed the side of Derek’s neck with his fingertips and then added a little pressure, pulling him in tight, winding his fingers into Derek’s hairline, crushing his body to his.

And Derek didn’t resist.

Jack’s hand moved to Derek’s when they broke the hug, and he held onto him as they walked to the bed, as Derek lowered himself onto the mattress with a grimace and as Jack followed suit; they laid side by side on top of the blankets, their hands still touching but their bodies a safe distance. Jack accepted it at face value, so purely worn down by the last forty-eight hours that he would take anything he could get.

It was Derek, though, that silently gripped his hand a little tighter, rolling to his side and pulling Jack over with him.

Jack recognized the move; it was how they had slept nearly every night, ignoring the heat and the sweat and the threat of getting caught.

The world was a better place today, as Derek curled into his arms. In spite of everything, this feeling– the one of Derek’s body, all boney and trembling and too warm and too fragile, pressed against his. Maybe things could still turn out okay.

It was a hope he hadn’t felt in years, and for the first time in a long time, Jack felt alive.

tag list: @redwingedwhump, @whump-cravings, @crystalquartzwhump, @mylifeisonthebookshelf, @nami-writes, @peachy-panic, @whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump, @whumpsday, @whump-blog, @bite-down-on-this

#derek's back #prison whump #post-prison whump #references to past noncon #ptsd in fic #next one will be either entirely or partially past-oriented bad times #i'm not sure that this story exactly fits the bill for whumblr #but #it is my child and it will live here #poorly researched international law #also for those keeping track #i tagged myself only to make sure the tags are being functional ;);)

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this-world-of-beautiful-monsters · 3 years ago

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LGBTQIA+ Raph fics

Based on an Ao3 request; limited to pre-2k18 fics as per specification. You can also find this list and others here.

The Chronicles of Karai Getting Her Shit Together by Crowdog @50-shades-of-cloaca - 2012 AU centered around Leorai, but also include Ace!Raph (tw violence, past csa, trauma, underage/rape-noncon, internalized ableism, self-harm, suicide attempt, nonconsensual drug use, torture)

Your Heart's Desire by Werepirechick - Rasey AU about groceries, holy water spray bottles, and the dangerous of summoning while drunk (tw violence)

De Novo by hummerhouse @hummerhouse - Slash finds Raph at Northampton and sets about turning his world upside down (tw explicit, past violence)

Call Me What I Am by Kyn - A "surprisingly unsexy" intersex!Raph story where a stomach bug takes on strange new dimensions, and the fallout sends the family reeling (tw gender identity issues, underage rape/noncon, trauma, violence)

vulnerable by coffeeandcream - Raph doesn't know how to deal when Casey is gentle (tw insecurity, sexual content, intimacy issues)

A Collection of Raph & Casey Shit by coffeeandcream - Fluffy little stories about the street punk and the mutant turtle (tw explicit)

Kiss by melismatic - Casey and Raph debate the meaning of a first kiss

resolution by taizi @taizi - Raph welcomes in the New Year with Casey

well suited by taizi @taizi - Casey and Raph make a try at normalcy

Panda Wolves by Crowdog @50-shades-of-cloaca - Strange dreams force the Hamato to take a dark trip down memory lane; background Rasey (tw underage rape/noncon, csa, gaslighting, child abuse, attempted child murder, trauma, violence, bathroom issues, victim blaming, nonconsensual drug use)

Misdirection by thekumquat - Casey and Raph find revelation through miscommunication (tw light violence)

The Bandana by TMNTFOREVER666 - April discovers a secret; gnc/possibly trans/unclear Raph (tw misgendering)

fowo's TMNT universe by fowo - A series about Raph struggling to figure out his feelings for Casey; includes themes of asexuality (tw awkwardness, discussions of bigotry; the third story includes trauma, major character death, and grief)

Casey Trips and Falls... In Love by coffeeandcream - Casey and Raph's "friends with benefits" relationship takes on new dimensions (tw explicit, awkwardness, relationship angst, insecurity, self-esteem issues)

Winner Takes All by Adoradork for Duz-Machines-1984 - Raph and Casey engage in some rough games (tw explicit)

What Doesn't Kill You by ladycyon - Raph tries to hide his heartbreak at Casey's wedding (tw one-sided relationships, alcohol, unhealthy coping mechanisms)

Mixed Signals by ladycyon - Casey figures out the reason behind one of Raph's less human habits (tw implied sexual content)

"Chapter 3" from TMNT Smut Dump by suthnmeh - A brilliant piece of Rasey art (tw explicit)

Rough and Dirty by orphan_account - Casey and Raph get dirty in multiple ways (tw explicit)

Hobo Au Caseyraph by dragona15 - Art of Raph receiving comfort from an unusual source (tw implied homelessness)

Raph✘Casey | "La La Love" [HBD Justy!!] by Ransy - A magnificent Rasey tribute (tw flashing)

You're Fine by leones @leonsi - Raph visits Casey in the hospital and tries not to crumble (tw sickness, fears of major character death, referenced panic attacks)

Say My Name by LeeontheNeon - Shot of pure Rasey fluff

this art by snuffed - Crack AU where Rasey runs headfirst into the Twilight cover

our love is a forest fire by taizi @taizi - Raph gives Casey a place to rest (tw implied alcoholism, tw past child abuse, injury)

oh, but I'm not bitter. i'm just tired. by leones @leonsi - Leo's brothers help him with a breakup; featuring bi Raph (tw past family dysfunction)

"Alcohol" from ABC TMNT by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Casey and Raph celebrate a fight and make a discovery (tw alcohol, past violence)

"Enemy" from ABC TMNT II: Out Of The Ooze by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Casey won't let Raph go again (tw mind control, violence)

"Eulogy" from TMNT ABC IV: Turtles Forever And Ever And Ever by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Raph's boyfriend and friends help him find some closure with a long-ago loss (tw grief, past homelessness, trauma, past violence, implied ableism)

"Intruder" from TMNT ABC IV: Turtles Forever And Ever And Ever by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Raph's family learns about a change in his relationship situation (tw violence, nightmares, trauma, implied child abuse, implied sexual content)

"Tastes Like Blood And Tears" from Underground Rainbows by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - 50 sentences about Casey and Raph (tw child abuse, abuse, major character death, blood, violence, sexual content, homophobia, speciesm, trauma, crying, alcoholism, torture, mpreg, amnesia)

Merry Fucking Hangover by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Insight into the turtles and their friends on Christmas morning, including background Rasey (tw implied sexual content, implied family dysfunction, drug and alcohol use)

"Bloody Kisses And Fierce Hearts (Red)" from Covered In The Colors, Pulled Apart At The Seams by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Raph will do anything to save Casey, even when Casey doesn't ask for it (tw past violence, past gore, past child abuse, sexual content, past homophobia, slut shaming, past underage prostitution, past domestic abuse, mentions of alcoholism, blood)

Fallen Angel by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - AU where Hun brings home a trapped turtle for his criminal gang and equally trapped son (tw child abuse, violence, bigotry, slurs, suicidal thoughts, torture, dehumanization)

"I is for...." from Rainbow Soup by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Raph breaks the rules to take part in a pro-intersex rights demonstration (tw implied nonconsensual medical procedures, bigotry, fears of violence)

"White bodies naked on the low damp ground" from The Waste Land by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Raph and Donnie a special kind of heartbreak at the end of the world (tw horror, major character death, violence, apocalypse, grief, trauma, gore, corpse desecration)

"I never promised you an open heart or charity" from The Red Room (The Bloody Chamber) by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Raph remembers a lost love while in the hands of a monster (tw torture, mind control, underage rape/noncon, blood, knives, sexual assault, humiliation, emotional/psychological abuse)

"There are loud toys" from "All are welcome and all have a home in the toybox" of The Red Room (The Bloody Chamber) by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Casey is a dick, as usual (tw explicit)

"In public" from "Embrace" of We All Need Someone To Lean On by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Casey and Raph work out an awkward, but not-unbearable means of avoiding discovery via cuddles

Yo Woody by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Mikey writes Woody letters from Northampton; features background Rasey (tw implied csa, implied underage rape/noncon, family dysfunction, trauma, past mind control, past violence)

My Flesh To Rule by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Casey engages in a difficult, but necessary procedure (tw transphobia, harassment, brief slut shaming, abortion, accidental pregnancy, implied sexual content, medical procedures, anti-abortion sentiment from minor characters)

"First Dates" from sweet creature (we're running through the garden) by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Raph and Casey head out on a perfectly normal patrol together

"Red Lipstick" from spice up your life (who would want anything else?) by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Casey dresses up for the night and Raph takes notice

not gonna write you a love song by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters for leones - A story about genderfluid!Raph working out platonic desires and aromanticism with Casey's help (tw sexual content, brief internalized arophobia)

apathy's a tragedy (and boredom is a crime) by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - In which Casey, Mona, and Raph deal with memes and bondage (tw explicit)

it's important to hold on (hold on) by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Little Mermaid AU where Raph ends up saving a reckless human (tw blood, injury, near death experiences, emotional constipation)

"soulmates" from with friends like these, who needs by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Raph's an aromantic person with a soulmate, and he and Casey have to deal with that (tw insecurity)

"forbidden/star-crossed romance" from with friends like these, who needs by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Raph is called to serve in a moment of need

Turtlecest (wasn't sure if this counted for request, included it separately)

Casting Stones at the River by GoblinCatKC @goblincatkc-blog - Raph and his lovers reckon with the passage of time and how it refuses to touch them (tw tcest, explicit, family dysfunction, possible abuse, violence, mental health issues, explosions, apocalypse)

Blackout by Queen_B - The turtle family play a game of hide and seek with steamy stakes (tw explicit)

Past to Present by crabapplered - Raph and his family welcome Donnie home (tw explicit, past violence, internalized ableism, trauma, family dysfunction, past separation)

A Different Path by VenusTheMarvelTurtle - Raph finds his heart dangerously tangled up with that of Leonardo, the Foot clan's most ruthless warrior (tw explicit, torture, past child abuse, child abduction, violence, mental health issues, trauma, suicidal thoughts, torture, rape/noncon, past csa, toxic relationships, alcohol, vomit)

Twisted Autumn by GoblinCatKC - Leo and Raph try to discover who they are together (tw explicit)

Broken Brother by Koalagriton - Leo finds an unconventional way of calling a brainwashed Raph home (tw explicit, alcohol, mind control, identity issues, violence)

Haunted by Kiraynn - Raph does his best to help Leo recover from an ugly experience (tw past rape/noncon, trauma, explicit)

Evolution by Kiraynn - A timeline of Leo and Raph's slowly developing relationship, through the lens of a shared bed (tw explicit, underage/underage)

Hello by Gemi - Raph has an unusual encounter in the jungle (tw guns)

Release by Blackdragon @blackdragon-sama - Leo gives Raph the support he needs at the farmhouse (tw injury, trauma)

Gravid Problems by Gemi for Blackdragon - Raph and Leo try to figure out a sticky new situation (tw mpreg, sexual content)

Push and Pull by orphan_account - Raph has a willful brother to tame (tw explicit)

Abyssal by orphan_account - Raph experiences something awful and Leo tries to help him through (tw explicit, rape/noncon, near-death experiences, trauma)

The Games We Play by babygirl127 for hummerhouse - Raph tempts Donnie into a game (tw explicit)

Usually, Don plus bed plus moaning was always a good thing. by turtlesketches for DashWrites - Raph tries to help Donnie through a difficult time (tw explicit, mpreg)

Focus by babygirl127 - Raph and his brothers teach each other about focus (tw explicit)

Colorful by Anonymous - Raph needs to watch his smart mouth, but Leo doesn't mind (tw sexual content)

Uncover by orphan_account - Raph and Mikey negotiate the rocky new world of spanking (tw explicit)

Running Scales by orphan_account for InkyTurtle (Melodistic) - Dirty little stories about Raph and his brothers (tw explicit)

To Give by orphan_account - Leo and Raph put on a show for their family (tw explicit)

Lick the Bowl by Plastron - Donnie discovers Raph is up for licking a lot of things (tw explicit)

Raphael and Donatello by RomaMarufixx - A collection of sexy Raphtello stories (tw explicit, some fat shaming)

Eggs by squishyturtlefuckfics - Leo pushes Raph's limits (tw explicit)

Handyman by Plastron - Donnie pushes himself too hard and Raph takes advantage (tw explicit)

"The Secret" from The 100 by Alessa_DC - Raph and Donnie reel from a revelation

Raphael/Donatello Mating Drabbles by Plastron - A collection of both steamy and warm-hearted stories (tw explicit, mpreg, dubious consent, body image issues)

Lava Cake by orphan_account - Mikey and Raph figure each other out with food

Fair's Fair by TheAlchemistsDaughter - Leo provides certain services for the family, but Raph wants to give back (tw explicit, insecurity)

Same Coin, Different Faces by orphan_account - Raph and his brothers work out cross-dimensional sexual tensions (tw explicit)

The Red Herring by orphan_account - Raph tries to handle losing Leo, his soulmate (tw family dysfunction, relationship issues, shame, trauma, separation, not-actual character death, grief)

Montage by hummerhouse @hummerhouse - Sexy stories about Raph and his brothers (tw explicit)

Stolen Time by GoblinCatKC @goblincatkc-blog - Leo has a strange request for Raph (tw shame, mature/explicit)

Libido in Question by Bad_WolfGirl - Raph and Donnie team up to prove the strength of Raph's libido (tw sexual content)

Drawing the Short Straw by squishyturtlefuckfics - Raph and his brothers play a game (tw explicit)

Kink-Off by Stegosaur - A collection of Kinktober stories, many of them starring Raph (tw explicit)

Primordial Monsters Get Good Coverage by orphan_account - Casey gets caught up in Leo and Raph's game (tw explicit, possible dubcon)

To Succumb by orphan_account - Mikey helps Raph test his limits (tw explicit)

Unwanted Bonds by Blackdragon @blackdragon-sama - Raph is brought him with heavy scars (tw explicit, trauma, child death, forced pregnancy, PTSD, depression, medical torture)

Forever is a Long Time by DuzMachines1984 (orphan_account - A collection of interwoven stories about Leo and Raph's relationship (tw explicit, trauma, dubcon, rape/noncon, abuse)

Party Time by orphan_account - Raphael is offered up at a party (tw explicit, alcohol)

The three times Raphael swore he was being stalked by Languidly - What it says on the tin, to the tune of Leo and Raph's developing relationship (tw nonconsensual stalking)

Burning Alive by spaze_cat - Raph and Donnie through interlinked stories about fire (tw injury, mentioned explosions, implied sexual content)

He Doesn't Scream by GoblinCatKC @goblincaveofficial - Leo and Raph's relationship takes a strange term (tw explicit, dubcon)

Someone Has a Choking Kink by glitch0_0 (orphan_account) - Raph lends Leo a helping hand (tw explicit, consent issues due to heat)

The Hots by Languidly - Raph can't keep his eyes off of Leo (tw explicit)

"Honor and Courage" from Everybody Wants Leo by Alessa_DC - Art of Leo and Raph together (tw very explicit)

Send Your Lifeboats Out For Me by Crowdog @50-shades-of-cloaca - Raph, Mikey, and Donnie try to figure out one of Leo's secrets (tw rape/noncon not between main characters, child abuse, victim blaming, genital mutilation, torture, trauma, violence, explicit)

The Driver's Seat by hummerhouse @hummerhouse - Raph and Leo fight over who gets taken for a ride (tw explicit, dubcon)

At Odds by hummerhouse @hummerhouse - Donnie tries to figure out his warring brothers; chapters 1 and 4 are particularly Raph-centric (tw explicit)

Doctor Donnie by PrincessFreak - Donnie pushes his brothers' medical limits; chapters 1, 4, and 7 are Raph-centric (tw explicit, dubcon)

Aggressive Empathy in the Abyss (AEITA) by Gemma Winchester (PrincessGemma12), PrincessGemma12 @princessgemma12 - Pieces of Leo and Raph's relationship unfolding in the shape of something awful (tw past underage rape/noncon, consensual underage, trauma, explicit, unhealthy coping mechanisms, flashbacks, psychological trauma, recreational drug use, PTSD)

Good as His Word by hummerhouse for NeatTea @neattea-ruby - Raph finds himself losing a high-stakes bargain with Leo (tw explicit)

Three Days Later by what_should_i_post_here - Donnie finds his place in Leo and Raph's relationship (tw explicit)

Hindsight is Twenty-Twenty by Crapapplered - Leo and Raph wage a war with Donnie serving as the battlefield (tw explicit)

Drabbles and Slash by her_silhouette - A collection of drabbles frequently centered around Donnie/Raph (tw explicit, relationship issues, shame, mind control, mpreg)

Full Throttle by Dorkjitsu - Donnie and Raph find new uses for Raph's motorcycle (tw explicit)

Erogenous by Kiraynn - Raph won't leave Leo in peace (tw explicit)

Heart to Heart by Crapapplered - Leo helps Raph when he worries about taking advantage of Donnie (tw mature/explicit)

Stairway to Heaven by Crapapplered - Casey, Raph, and Don share something special (tw explicit)

Rope by Crapapplered - Donnie is caught off guard by what Raph, Mikey, and Leo are up to behind his back (tw explicit)

TLC by Crapapplered - An injured Raph receives a very special kind of comfort from Donnie (tw injury, explicit)

Christmas Shopping by Crapapplered - Raph and Donnie go shopping together

Nara Black: Mirror's Shadow In My Skin by crabapplered, GoblinCatKC @goblincatkc-blog - Raph and his brothers desperately try to outrun a curse (tw violence)

Punishing Raphael by hummerhouse @hummerhouse - Raph gets punished for coming home late (tw explicit, dubcon)

12: Raph and Leo dirty talk HCs. Someone had to ask. <3 by Blackdragon Sama - An insight into Leo and Raph's sex life (tw explicit, mock-possessive behavior)

Raph 18 by Blackdragon-sama @blackdragon-sama - Further insights into Raph's desires (tw explicit, dubcon)

Broken words - Leonardo, with this, this, and this related art by blackdragonsama @blackdragon-sama - Leo and Raph form a dark pact (tw sexual content, blood, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, intense self-harm imagery, mental health issues)

Black Swan by hummerhouse @hummerhouse - Raph and Donnie's relationship takes a strange turn during a harrowing captivity, complicated by the presence of Agent Bishop (tw imprisonment, threatens of torture, molestation, rape/noncon, dubcon)

Knock Off by PrincessFreak - Raph struggles with his feelings for Donnie (tw internalized homophobia, misogyny, toxic masculinity, sexuality crisis, gender roles)

Leoweek RxL by NeiNing - A fan comic about Raph helping Leo out during his heat (tw dubcon, very explicit)

Trust by Kamefootninja (Kame630) - Raph learns to let Leo take over (tw explicit, phobia mention)

Show Time by Caroaimezoe - Raph witnesses something odd and it has reverberations through his relationship with Leo (tw explicit, relationship angst, insecurity)

The guilt you dont deserve [comic] by Traitmill - Raph comforts Leo after a painful experience (tw trauma, gore, explicit, guilt, blood)

Midnight Bargain by GreenElphaba - Leo and Raph find a kind of balance in their seemingly endless power struggle (tw explicit)

The Toll of Hours by GreenElphaba - Raph sits up by Leo's side and tries not to fall apart (tw injury, blood, trauma)

Let's go hunting by NeatTea @neattea-ruby - Sequel to Donny needs some love (that story has some dubcon); Leo and Raph share a special experience in a lake (tw explicit, mild near-drowning)

Losing All Control by renk3r - Raph tries to figure out what exactly irritates him about Leo (tw sexual content, mature)

Do you feel it? by Riu_wiu - Raph helps Leo come to terms with his guilt over their relationship (tw shame, relationship angst)

Self-Control by hummerhouse @hummerhouse - Raph doesn't want to be patient anymore, much to Leo's chagrin (tw explicit)

Chocolate by Kiraynn - Leo is the center of a mystery that Raph wants to solve

An Eggplant Among Pickles by Crowdog @50-shades-of-cloaca - The turtle brothers test each other's limits (tw explicit, dubcon)

"Raph" from I Routed a Labyrinth To Your Lap by orphan_account - Mikey gives Raph a special gift (tw explicit)

Quotes by what_should_i_post_here - Drabble collections from various turtle pairings (tw relationship angst, grief, loss, trauma, separation, explicit)

Bonsai by crabapplered - Leo works to change Donnie's role in the family, and Mikey and Raph take notice (tw explicit, grief, objectification)

You Are Shellarious by PrincessFreak - Raph has a strange reaction to his brothers' colorful language (tw sexual content)

Secondborn by SuuriSakara - Raph has his own way of dealing with Leo's return from Japan (tw explicit)

On the Fence by GoblinCatKC @goblincatkc-blog - Mikey gives Raph a very strange gift (tw extreme dubcon, sexual content)

Tmnt Exchange Art by Kitsune1818 for Caroaimezoe - Leo and Raph walk a dark path together (tw blood, injury, implied sexual content)

A Bet's a Bet by PrincessFreak - Raph owns up after losing a bet with Mikey (tw explicit, mild dubcon, homophobia, misogyny)

"Day 1 - Mikey/Raph - Rimming" from Taste Our Sins by squishyturtlefuckfics - Mikey irritates Raph by drawing things out (tw explicit)

My Good Girl (I) and My Good Girl (II) by squishyturtlefuckfics - Raph loves to play Leo's games (tw explicit, mpreg mention)

My own worst enemy by Caroaimezoe - Raph is determined to teach Leo a lesson (tw explicit, dubcon)

Kalamari by GoblinCatKC @goblincatkc-blog - Leo and Raph get very creative escaping a dangerous situation (tw sexual content, captivity, dirty jokes, threats of violence)

Notes on the Fridge by Geaven - Donnie, Raph, and their extended work things out over the fridge (tw sexual humor)

By Your Side by Kiraynn - Raph gives Leo the support he needs at Northampton (tw trauma, past violence)

Jungle Fever by Elphaba-Rose - 2007 AU where Leo and Raph end up in the jungle together and matters take a vastly different turn (tw explicit, violence, injury, savior complexes, mild dysfunction, blood, brief references to rape that doesn't involve either character)

Raphael x Leonardo drabble set by Goblin Cat KC @goblincatkc-blog - Raph tests Leo's limits after winning a late-night battle (tw mature, sexual content, possible dubcon)

story about SO3E01 by @ringingt - Leo awakens from his coma in a surprising way (tw surprise kissing, mild near-drowning)

yay! headcanons unite! by @blackdragon-sama - Headcanons about Raph being intersex; a possibly better term for this specific content might be dualsex, I'm not sure (tw sexual content, accidental voyeurism, inadvertent coming out)

come back for us by @blackdragon-sama - Raph tries to call Leo home (tw implied sexual content, mpreg, mind control)

Play Pretend by @blackdragon-sama, Elphaba-Fae - Leo and Raph try to find each other in the shadow of terrible things (tw explicit/mature, underage rape/noncon, csa, mutual dubcon, torture, emotional manipulation, painful sex, trauma, victim blaming, child abuse, blood, imprisonment)

meditation session by Spicyturtles - A comic about how Raph won't let Leo meditate in peace (tw explicit, possible dubcon)

Never Have I Ever by what_should_i_post_here - Secrets are unspooled during a drinking game (tw alcohol, implied sexual content)

30daysOTP SlashRaph by dragona15 - A collection of beautiful and steamy art (tw explicit)

Calm down. .Just Relax. by @ringingt - Raph and Leo on a rooftop (tw implied sexual content, possible dubcon)

We Care For You by Seigaku - Art where Raph's family shows him a special kind of support (tw explicit, background angst)

Mikey's first time by anomalae - The turtle family takes the virginity of one of their own (tw explicit)

luv ya bro by P-Jo Art - Comic where alcohol loosens Raph's tongue in the most awkward way (tw alcohol, underage drinking, homophobic language, possible internalized homophobia)

RRR/L by Navia - Art of a multidimensional Leoraph tryst (tw explicit)

Raph x Mike - Tight by EnclosureOfFish - Art of Mikey and Raph together (tw mature/explicit)

tmnt SxR hoboRaphau by dragona15 - Art of Raph having a highly charged encounter with Slash (tw explicit, implied homelessness)

Your argument is invalid by P-Jo Art - Comic where Raph goes to unusual lengths to get Leo to shut up (tw surprise kissing)

This art by languorous-sky - Raph and Leo mess around with rope (tw explicit, choking)

let me help you by Spicyturtles - Fan comic where Donnie gives Raph an offer in the shower (tw explicit)

Summer Home by spaze_cat - Leo and Raph come to an understanding on a trip to the seashore (tw light relationship angst, mentions of pregnancy)

kink sketches by @blackdragon-sama - Collection of Leoraph art (tw explicit)

those eggs by @blackdragon-sama - Art of Raph being disciplined and undone (tw explicit)

Beyond Our Control by SadoraNortica - The turtles get stuck in the past and have to deal with oncoming mating season (tw fears of child loss, explicit, consent issues due to heats)

Somewhat by Gemi - Raph and Donnie find their way towards perfection (tw injury)

Worth It by Kaliopeee - Leo catches Raph off guard (tw explicit)

I never had you down as... by @blackdragon-sama - Raph gets roped into the family entertainment (tw explicit, dubcon)

Close Shave by squishyturtlefuckfics - Mikey and Raph take advantage of surviving a dangerous situation (tw explicit)

Lure Rebound by Various - A magnificent Leoraph art collection (tw explicit, angst, separation, blood, dysfunctional relationships)

My Nightlight by squishyturtlefuckfics - Raph gives Mikey some much-needed comfort

Summer Blow Out Sale by Winnychan, xkingofgamesx - Donnie and Raph navigate the harrowing world of online shopping

How could he not? by ItsMickeyYouAss - Raph can't keep his eyes off of Leo

Visions: One Word Prompts by Gemma Winchester (PrincessGemma12) @princessgemma12 - A collection of 50 sentences from different AUs, with heavy Leoraph throughout (tw implied rape/noncon, implied incest, teen pregnancy, identity issues, addiction, food insecurity, animal cruelty, blood, child abuse, implied underage rape/noncon, implied csa, gun violence, trauma)

Slave by Spicyturtles - A Raph/Donnie comic with heavy BDSM (tw explicit)

The Violence in These Delights by Sundayeyes - Raph and Donnie make a discovery about what they're both capable of (tw explicit, choking)

Jinkyo by Caroaimezoe - Raph races to save his brother from an ugly transformation (tw violence, rape/noncon, consent issues, mind wipes, identity issues, possession, blood)

[title unknown] by buttmagoo and nicecentrifuge - Raph can't get away from Mikey right now, and doesn't really want to (tw sexual content, mature/explicit)

According to deviantArt, it’s buttmagoo’s birthday. by @nicecentrifugre - Some sexy art based on sexy fics I, unfortunately, haven't been able to find (tw mature explicit, discipline)

Mikey/Raph, an AU where one of them is physically a girl and the other one finds out. by @nicecentrifuge - A trans!Raph AU where Mikey stumbles onto his secret (tw menstruation, accidental outing)

Fortress by @nicecentrifuge - Raph and his brothers try to survive the end of everything they've fought for (tw torture, mutilation, rape/noncon, underage rape/noncon, abuse, emotional manipulation, unhealthy relationships, nonconsensual drug use, trauma, family dysfunction, blood and gore, medical issues, unhealthy coping mechanisms, mental health issues, possible Stockholm Syndrome, grief, trauma)

UrotsukiLeo (Half-Shell Hentai) by meh_guh for aliassmith, Cthonical (Nellie) - Raph deals with his brothers' transformation (tw explicit, dubcon)

Tonight by cndrow - Raph and Leo negotiate the moments when people is hard to come by (tw relationship angst, dysfunction)

Old Fears, New Need by orphan_account - Raph and Donnie keep each other together (tw blood, injury, sexual content)

Quality Time by Kiraynn - Leo and Raph take a few early-morning moments together (tw explicit)

Lost and Found by Kamefootninja (Kame630), NaruButt - Raph and his brothers find a long-lost sibling named Donatello (tw past rape/noncon, past csa, past sexual slavery, trauma, miscommunication, violence, grief, possible consent issues)

2012 turtles nsfw head canons by orphan_account - Includes a section with Raph (tw explicit)

This animation by Hammytoy - Raph and Mikey quite simply go for it (tw explicit)

U R Beautiful by Caroaimezoe - Raph is jealous of Leo's attention (tw explicit, knives)

Halloween party - Gift for Katii-kee by RenegadeBleat - Leo and Raph at Halloween (tw explicit)

Steel by Plastron - Donnie and Raph experiment with Raph's san (tw explicit, discussions of violence)

Warm by DashWrites for Sakycchan - Leo needs Raph's help to deal with the chill (tw explicit, mpreg)

Claiming and being Claimed by DarkxKitsune - Raph and Mikey need some help with their heats (tw explicit, mild dubcon due to heats)

"Young Lovers With Their Legs Tied Up In Knots" from My Ghost, Where'd You Go? by Gemma Winchester (PrincessGemma12), PrincessGemma12 @princessgemma12 - Raph and Leo explore the occult and a hayloft (tw explicit, shame)

Is This Where You Want To Be? by PrincessGemma12 @princessgemma12 for This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Westworld AU where Raph visits a brothel and has a strange encounter (tw dehumanization, possible consent issues, discussions of fetishization, objectification, explicit)

Auto-Robotic-Erotic 2: Electric Boogaloo by squishyturtlefuckfics - Raph learns one of Donnie's more peculiar secrets (tw explicit)

Kissed By The Whip by Lisa_Frank - For once, Raph wants Leo to control him (tw explicit)

Natural Sub by GoblinCatKC @goblincatkc-blog - Raph and his brothers discover Leo's secret (tw explicit, discussions of dubcon but consent is strong here)

OT4 by Queen_B - A sweet, steamy series about Raph and his brothers (tw explicit)

Aphrodisia by Kiraynn - Leo is a scion of the Foot Clan, and Raph can't look away (tw violence, explicit)

Art by FaRaDo-Age - Raph and Donnie with some new getup (tw sexual content, mature)

Inspired by the dream I had last night. by nei-ning - Raph seeks comfort from Leo after a bad dream (tw nightmares)

and maybe it'll be clear when we get there by @leonsi leones for This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - A collection of polyamory-themed stories, a lot of them including Raph; specific pairings are in the summary they were angelic enough to create (tw past abuse, self-harm, trauma, migraines, self-doubt, secret relationships, implied rape/noncon, implied csa, mental health issues/illness, vomiting, insecurity, self-hatred)

Colors by PrincessGemma12 @princessgemma12 - Multiamory March about a TMNT OT8 of Raph, Leo, Donnie, Mikey, Casey, Karai, April, and Shini (tw implied rape/noncon, pregnancy scares, implied violence, teen pregnancy, unplanned pregnancy, parent/child incest, csa, underage rape/noncon, abortion)

Walk Me Home by DarkxKitsune - Mikey trades letters with a prisoner (tw jail, discussions of molestation, potentially unhealthy relationships)

Raph is a Femboy by PrincessFreak - Raph's family discovers his secret (tw outing, dubcon, humiliation)

Call Me By Your Name by PrincessGemma12 @princessgemma12 - Leo and Raph try to figure out a mind swap (tw explicit, self-esteem issues)

I Keep Telling Myself This Might Be Nothing by PrincessGemma12 @princessgemma12 - Raph and his family stumble into a relationship (cw underage/underage sex, underage masturbation; tw identity issues, shame, loneliness, relationship difficulties)

This by Anonymous - Raph struggles not to be jealous, but Mikey makes it nearly impossible (tw possessive behavior, jealousy, potentially unhealthy)

“i was an island / before you came along.” - I Was an Island, John-Allison Weiss by lonescove - A magnificent art piece about Leo and Raph (tw implied sexual content)

Cliché (it was too late for me) by leones @leonsi - Story with Leo/April focus, but strong background Raph/Donnie (tw mild homophobia, speciesm, trauma, eating disorders, anxiety)

Did somebody say threesome? No? Oh well. 2007!Leo, 2012!Leo and 2007!Raph <3 by reosexuals - A multiverse-spanning art piece (tw explicit)

it's not revolutionary by leones @leonsi - Raph does his best to support the turtle he loves (tw mentions of self-harm, self-hatred)

Almost Home by cndrow - Raph and Donnie make up for lost time (tw explicit, implied character death, separation, grief, trauma, stress)

Cussing fetish? by RiusTcestCave - Comic about Raph's unusual kink (tw explicit)

Just Practice by ninjazure - A comic about Leo and Raph's attempt to practice kissing, and how it slips out of control (tw implied sexual content, accidental voyeurism)

Art by nise - Leo and Raph share a kiss

Art by えんらい - Raph and Leo in bed together (tw explicit)

Art by ８２ - Raph and Leo celebrate Halloween

Art by ninjazure - Leo taking Raph apart (tw blood, sharp objects, very explicit)

Yeahh, have some tcest on flying pillows~ by sakycchan - Leo and Raph give Donnie some tender love (tw implied sexual content)

The Benefits of Not Shutting the Fuck Up by Floozdooz @floozdooz - Donnie is determined to shut Raph up (tw underage/underage, explicit, dubcon)

Raphael / Donatello tcest by cndrow - A series of stories about the genius and the brawler (tw explicit)

Strange Little Shadows by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - 50 sentences about Karai, Raph, and Leo (tw implied sexual content, mind control, injury, choking, trauma, major character death, grief)

The things that we could be by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Leo, Raph, and Karai camp out under the stars (tw explicit)

"But I'm brighter when you make me fade" from Red-Light District by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Leo and Raph have their own ways of connecting as a couple (tw explicit, BDSM)

"Dance with me (Mon amour)" from The House Of The Rising Sun by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Mikey is a born showman and Raph is just along for the ride (tw explicit)

Say you'll never let me go by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Donnie and Raph comfort Casey during his period (tw mild dysphoria, explicit, menstruation, pain)

"The Confession" from sweet creature (we're running through the garden) by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Raph lets something slip during a squabble with Leo (tw canon-typical violence)

"Teddy Bears" from sweet creature (we're running through the garden) by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Raph and Mikey go bear hunting at the carnival

"Grey Memorial" from i'm bitter (you're still in my head) by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Raph comes to terms with his feelings for Leo far too late (tw grief, major character death, heartbreak, suicide attempt)

"The Embrace" from spice up your life (who would want anything else?) by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Raph gets creative making Donnie take a break (tw implied sexual content)

"Fluffy Cuffs" from spice up your life (who would want anything else?) by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Raph is tempted into letting Mikey take over for a while (tw mature/explicit)

Ripples In Dark Water by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - A poem about Raph and his brothers, based on Casting Stones at the River by GoblinCatKC (tw violence)

"my eyes are glazed, 'cause they dug my grave" from you say I'm callous and I'm numb by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Raph struggles with all of the things he can't control after Leo's abduction (tw implied csa, implied underage rape/noncon, self-loathing, guilt, trauma, helplessness, violence, mind control)

wave your hands in the air if you feel fine by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters for PrincessGemma12 - The Hamato family celebrated living another day (tw implied past abuse, past violence)

under the water i'll be sharpening my knife by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Murder on the Orient Express through a lens of TMNT and polyamory (tw violence, blood and gore, revenge)

come on, come around (i've been feeling down) by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - The kids who survived the apocalypse finds their relationships changed in the aftermath (tw trauma, apocalypse, guilt, grief, implied sexual content, mental health issues)

light in the crack that's separating your thighs by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Raph, Mikey, and Donnie express their affection for Leo (tw explicit)

i promise that you'll breathe again by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - SAINW AU where Leo, Raph, and Mikey deal with the fact of surviving (tw alcohol, implied sexual content, trauma, past alcoholism)

feeling like a boulder hurtling by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - The Foot's newest warrior has particular trouble with two enemies (tw violence, rape/noncon, mind control, emotional manipulation, identity issues)

gonna pop some tags by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Brothers and lovers through the lens of thrifting (tw implied sexual content, trauma)

there is love inside this madness (we are walking on the moon) by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - After leaving their timeline, Raph and his family have to forge new lives together (tw memory issues, identity issues, sexual content, grief)

just gettin' started, don't you tiptoe, tiptoe (ah) by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Raph and Usagi take Leo apart (tw explicit)

we'll pass it on to you, we'll give the world to you by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Four brothers write letters to their daughter (tw surprise parenting, implied sexual content, implied medical experimentation, grief, sick kids, trauma)

"Red (Life)" from Kaleidoscope Snapshots by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Casey and Raph try to reorient themselves after a close call (tw blood and gore, injury, past violence)

calling all the monsters - A modern AU with the Hamato family starring as a collection of queer horrors (tw bigotry, implied violence, implied torture, implied bigotry, unreliable narrator for the second, implied abuse, implied sexual content)

the music fills me good and it gets me every time by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - A-spec!Donnie finds his place in his brother's relationship (tw explicit)

i'll be there to hold you (don't be afraid of the dark) by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - A series about Casey and the monsters who live in his skin (tw possession, explicit, dubocn, sexual content, mpreg, past suicidal thoughts, past abuse, violence, gore, potentially unhealthy relationships)

i don't like anyone better than you, it's true by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - Raph, Casey, and Donnie deal with the fallout from an encounter with unusual flora in the woods (tw explicit, dubcon due to sex pollen)

i've been searching all night (light the fuse and let me take flight) by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters for braeburns - Raph and Mikey deals with changes good and bad as they wreak a little havoc on the streets of New York (tw explosions, post Roe V. Wade life, implied sexual content)

green hearts raw and beating by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - A story about the beings who live in the woods beyond a small town (tw implied violence, implied rape/noncon not involving main characters, mentions of abortion, mentioned nonconsensual bodily modification of a bad guy, curses)

just want a way of keeping you inside by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters - A polyamorous love story written in tattoos (tw implied sexual content, sexual content, past abuse, trauma)

darling, are you ready for more? by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters for PrincessGemma12 - Kinktober drabbles about Leo and Raph (tw explicit, insecurity, trauma, flashbacks)

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straight-to-the-pain · 3 years ago

Text

Tagging

Since I started this blog, I've tried to tag my content by trope and type because it's a helpful way of finding content I want to see, and for others, a good way of avoiding content they don't. I've tried to standardise my tags so that they can easily be searched (tumblr permitting).

However, there are inevitably going to be things that slip past me and tropes that I forget to tag. You are welcome to ask me to tag something, and I will tell you if there is a reason why I specifically chose not to.

I will not be tagging gender in whump, just as I wouldn't tag the race or sexuality of my characters, but I will try to tag for gendered or discriminatory violence if it comes up.

I've also chosen not to use the term 'tw' when tagging my content. Any of my tags could be a trigger for someone, and a promise of good whump for someone else. In my own writing, I try to give a brief summary of tropes and content under the header, both to warn and to entice.

I tag explicit sexual content with #nsft and suggestive but not explicit content with #spicy content. My tag for spicy content that's relatable to me personally is #s is a mess and a masochist.

I tag by oc with the tag #oc: [insert name here], my own writing with #my writing, original content with #my stuff, and asks I answer with #asks answered. I also tag posts that I've been tagged in with #tagged for me and my asks answered by other people with #my asks answered. My personal posts tag is #s talks and I tag complimentary asks with #nice stuff. I also try to tag by fandom.

Here is a list of common tags you might find on my blog:

By post type: #tropes and prompts #whump #whump meta #whump community #whumpy lyrics #art #whump art #whump gifs #whump video #whump audio #whump memes #laugh tag (anything funny) #s talks #asks answered #my asks answered #my stuff #my writing #my OCs #ask game #tag game By whump genre: #spy whump #military whump #sci-fi whump #fantasy whump #vampire whump #pet whump #box boy universe #superhero whump #minor whump (for characters under 18) #emotional whump #medical whump

By whump trope: #torture #public torture #captivity #kidnapping #electricity torture #water torture #solitary isolation #restrained #blindfolded #gagged #collared #dehumanisation #intimate whumper #forced to watch #implied/referenced torture #noncon #implied/referenced noncon #drugging #burning #branding #whipping #punishment #failed escape #gore #fingore #hand whump #eye gore #tooth gore #knives #held at knifepoint #held at gunpoint #self sacrifice

#grabbed by the hair

#manhandling

#defiance #needles

By comfort trope: #aftermath of torture #past trauma #painful wound cleaning #recovery #caretaking #comfort #rescue #hospital whump

Others: #alcohol #emeto (vomit) #politics #religion #abuse #child abuse #animal death #death #murder #nsft #spicy content #s is a mess and a masochist #tagged for me

#my stuff #tagging #I like to organise stuff okay #remembering that yelling at someone for not tagging something isn't going to make them want to tag stuff in the future #i like to tag so I can quickly and easily find my own stuff later #and if that can come in handy for someone else then great #but it's not an obligation #blogs are not obligated to tag things for you #please remember that #if someone doesn't tag the way you want them to after you've asked politely you are welcome to unfollow them

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ashintheairlikesnow · 4 years ago

Note

basorexia - Chris

basorexia - the overwhelming desire to kiss

CW: Survivor of abuse initiating inappropriate contact with caretaker, implied attempted spice (attempt is rejected), referenced pet whump and past whump of a minor

"Nope."

Jake pushes him away, like always, and the rescue presses forwards, climbing into his lap, cocking his head just so to the side until he feels his hair brush his cheekbone.

Good boy, there you go, pretty faces get fed, don't they?

The boy locks his hands behind the big man's neck, following the desperate insistence that he do what it takes to keep Jake's eyes on him. Keep him happy, keep him thinking the boy is good, will be good for him.

"I'll say it again, Chris," Jake says insistently.

Right. His name is Chris now.

"Then, then, then say it," Chris says back, his own voice low and soft and sweet like he is trained to be. He tries again - gets just a slight brush of lips - before Jake pushes him back again, more firmly than before.

"Absolutely fucking not. Come on, kiddo. You ever seen Addams Family? We can watch that, yeah? Instead of... we're not doing this."

The boy pauses, sitting back a little. "Wh, what's... Addams Family?"

"A movie. It's weird as fuck. Come on, you'll like it. Sit on the couch with me."

"You're not... mad?"

Jake snorts, turning to grab the remote and pull Netflix up on the TV. "No, Chris. You're not the first one who has to learn they don't have to do that."

Chris nods, slowly, shifting back and away from him. But he feels a little lonely, without the touch that means he's been good. A little worried. Maybe a little scared.

I want to be touched. Being touched means I'm good.

He's tense, kneading carefully at his shirt, until Jake offers an arm and lets the rescue curl up at his side, against his warmth.

I want to be touched.

Touch means I'm good.

Maybe it's okay if the touch is only this.

#chris the strawberry blond romantic #jake the shelter guy #referenced whump of a minor #implied past noncon #conditioning #tw: trauma recovery #whump #box boy #pet whump

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whump-mania · 4 years ago

Text

previous / next

(tw: implied/referenced past noncon, panic attack, accidental triggering)

Vincent, Quinn, and the rest of the elites were clearing out an old room in the bunker to make into a new training room. They were making good progress, lifting heavy rubble and debris out of the room with the help of each other.

“Hey Quinn! Can you help me out with this plank?” Called Felix, already holding the front end of the wooden plank.

Quinn nodded and made their way to their teammate, getting ready to lift. “Um…how do you want me to…”

“I’ll get this part, you can get that one on the end. Me in front, you in the back,” Felix said with a smile.

Quinn froze.

Me in front, you in the back.

“W…What…?” Quinn’s vision darted around, their voice small and panicked. They looked at Felix like he was the scariest thing they’d ever seen.

“Uh—” Felix dropped the plank and backed away. “W-What’s going on, did…did I say something?”

“No,” Quinn whispered, terrified. They tripped on their own feet and fell to the ground with a thud, backing themselves against the wall. They never took their eyes off of Felix.

Vincent heard the commotion and dropped what he was carrying, rushing over and nudging Felix out of the way. “Quinn, what’s going on? What happened?”

“NO!” Quinn screamed and scrambled to the corner, lodging themselves into it so hard that they could have phased through the wall. “Please, please, no no no no no…”

“I…I have no idea what I did,” Felix said breathlessly, backing away. Vincent shot him a glare before returning his attention to Quinn.

“Quinn, do you know where you are?”

Come on, I know you’ve at least taken their mouth before.”

“Can you hear me?”

Why not go the extra mile?

“Quinn, please, it’s me!”

Let’s make this quick.

Quinn screamed again and shielded themselves from Vincent. It was more than just fear. They were gone, clutching at their own clothes and hiding their body as much as they could.

When Vincent saw how desperate they were to cover themselves, it dawned on him what was happening.

“Everyone out.”

“But—” Kari started.

“Go.” Vincent turned and pointed at the door. The rest of the elites hesitantly left, leaving Vincent and Quinn alone.

Vincent turned to Quinn again. “Quinn, where are you? Who’s with you?” He asked, forcing his voice to be calm as possible.

Quinn whimpered and looked around them, Vincent’s words finally starting to get through to them. “D…Dan…” They were staring wide-eyed at a wall past Vincent, shaking and hugging themselves.

“Don’t look over there,” Vincent said quickly, blocking their vision. “It’s just you and me. It’s Vincent. I’m here with you. Daniel isn’t here.”

Quinn blinked, forcing themselves to look into Vincent’s eyes. “…Hu…Hunter…?”

Vincent shook his head. “No, he’s not here either. It’s us. They’re far away from here,” he said softly. “Do you know who I am? Can you tell me?”

“…I-I don’t…” They were getting in their own head. Their breathing picked up, and soon they were hyperventilating.

“Hey, hey…” Vincent carefully put an arm on Quinn’s shoulder. They flinched, but didn’t pull away. “Take your time. Take some deep breaths, nice and slow like me. I know you’re confused.”

Quinn stared deeply into Vincent’s eyes and swallowed, starting to copy his breathing patterns. Soon, they melted into the touch on their shoulder.

“V…in…”

They collapsed into sobs before they could finish, launching themselves forward and latching onto Vincent’s chest.

“I’ve got you,” Vincent whispered into Quinn’s hair. “Those fuckers are never gonna touch you again, okay?”

Quinn nodded between their sobs and stayed there until they exhausted themselves. The rest of the elites came back into the room an hour later to see Quinn sleeping peacefully on Vincent’s lap.

The elites smiled and giggled a little, and Vincent’s face reddened.

“This never happened,” he mumbled.

tag list: @tears-and-lilies @mammonsemptycreditcard @abitefullofwhump @myst-in-the-mirror @xzinn-fury @whmp @freefallingup13 @sadistgalore @firewheeesky @finch-birb @authorofemotion @lavmars @whatwhumpcomments @w-whump @wingedwhump @writerat @wvnda-whump @whumblrwork @ficklefuddle @yesimlonely @whumptakesthecake @mylifeisonthebookshelf

#whump #whump blog #whump community #whump writing #whump scenario #dark leader #tw panic attack #tw implied noncon

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thecitythatdoesntsleep · 3 years ago

Text

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 7] [Chapter 8] [Chapter 9] [Chapter 10] [Chapter 11] [Chapter 12] [Chapter 13] [Chapter 14] [Chapter 15] [Chapter 16] [Chapter 17] [Chapter 18] [Story Masterlist]

(Tags/TW: vaguely implied noncon, blood, blood-drinking, indebted servitude, brothel/club slavery, bite marks, bruises, forced prostituion, mild NSFW dialogue, female!vampire!caretaker, male!whumpee, pining/slow burn, implied/referenced blood loss)

The outside of the building looked bad.

Shingles hung off the corners and a glass storefront had been blacked out with what looked like trash bags. The first layer of most windows wore heavy spider-webs from impacts and only half of the neon sign worked. Even the pavement outside the doors wore heavy damage from various years of wear and tear, cracks and weeds galore.

It was too deep into the city to mistake for something else, too far into the wrong side of town to expect anything more.

A single letterboard gave insight into what the building consisted of and even more insight into the kind of people that owned it.

Grims: Girls, Guys & Grub Club!

Dine-in Only!

Violators will be banned!

As soon as Mina walked up to the door, she froze in her place. Hesitation was blooming in her chest and even the long walk hadn't been enough time to decide if she was serious or not. The pounding in her head and pain behind her eyes told her she needed to be serious. It was only a matter of time before she couldn't hold out any longer.

Even so, a single glance around the place and she felt like she was in a horror movie. More and more unflattering features were soaked in as she lingered in wait. It was getting harder to see in the darkness, a telltale sign that she'd already gone too long without feeding.

Mina pulled the door back with a heavy tug and the piercing sound of a chime announced she'd entered. A single hallway held a cut-out for a desk and two pairs of eyes locked onto her when she walked past the threshold.

"Welcome to Grims, deary.." The woman's voice was comical, undeniably like a fairytale witch. Even the glint in her eyes told a similar story as an old, wrinkled hand beckoned her closer.

"Now what's a girl like you... doing coming to this old place to feed? Or are you looking for some guilt-free.. release?" Her face slid into a slimy grin and Mina had to contain the urge to cringe at her suggestion. She didn't want to risk upsetting the old bat, not when she hadn't even made it past the double doors.

"Just to feed. My donor is.. away and I need a fast substitute." She felt something akin to embarrassment when the woman clicked her tongue in a mockery of her words.

"That'll be $40 for the hour. And we only take cash."

Mina reached into her bag and after searching for a moment, she managed to find her wallet and reef out two crumpled up 20's. The old woman plucked them up with a snatching hand and proceeded to straighten them with boney fingers.

"Right through those double doors, pick a door with a green light, and lock it behind you."

As soon as she turned from the desk, the sound of automatic latches drew the doors back and she was staring down another hall. This time, with green and red lights as far as the eye could see in the foggy club atmosphere. Strobing dance lights were at the opposite end and once she'd passed the threshold, the doors noisily closed behind her.

It was set up like a hotel but instead of door numbers, a name was on each door, written on a small whiteboard. She passed up a half-dozen rooms before she found a green light and paused in front of it.

'Lukas'

Nerves got the better of her and she no longer remembered what the desk attendant had to say. Her manners kicked in and she knocked at the door, unsure of if she'd be able to hear a response or not with the resonating bass from the interior club.

The knob turned and when it opened, Mina came face to face with a tall, slender man. He'd said something but it was so quiet, the surroundings absorbed it and she stared at him blankly in question.

"Come in," He gestured, stepping aside so she could enter the room. The look on her face gave the impression she had no idea what she was doing there. "Sorry, it's too loud until the door is shut."

"Yeah... I can't imagine how bad it is in the rooms closer to the club.." She muttered in thought, turning to him and surprisingly enough, finding he knelt down on the floor.

"What can I do for you, Mistress?" He waited, patiently for whatever it was her first command would be. They only had an hour, after all, he'd seen it on the intercom in the wall.

"I-uh-..." She couldn't tell if it was a trick of the light or not but once she'd looked at him, she couldn't stop, Mina swore she saw bruises on his skin. They were faded, trying to return back to normal but it was a long process.

What she did see, were dozens of bite marks in various stages of healing.

"I-I just came to feed.." She whispered now, under her breath as the nerves she'd walked in with, left the longer she stared and absorbed the horror.

Her gut knew, one human wasn't made to take that many 'donations'. She'd rather starve.

He could tell, her moral compass was shaking. The way that jade tuned doe-like and lashes had widened millimeter by millimeter until they portrayed what she was feeling. He'd seen a couple thousand people walk through that door in the years he'd been a worker.

She didn't have the look of the predator she was born as.

He'd have to be extra careful.

"I assure you, Princess," He purred, attitude changing as quickly as he'd seen the first weakness. She was shy, reserved. He'd put on an air that was a bit more catered to her type. "I can take what you can dish out."

Mina watched him rise to his feet and walk closer to her, his hand reaching out for her chin to grab between his thumb and index finger. When she didn't recoil, he tugged her lip down in a teasing examination and a smirk drew back his lips.

"You know it feels good to humans, right?" Lukas informed like she hadn't lived a few more decades than he had. He watched her tension rise, the expression of how little confidence she had in the situation. Despite being so much more powerful than he was.

At some point, she'd started backing up and he'd pushed forward, her legs meeting a platform bed and her body seizing in response to not fall. Once he had her cornered, he reached for her waist and her two options were to either collapse or stand against him. She didn't want to end up on the bed and further encourage him.

"It's like a full-body orgasm for me," He slid his hands down and grabbed his palms full of each cheek of her ass, pulling her close enough to feel what his thin joggers concealed inside them. "And you'll feel a lot less guilty if you're cumming while you drink."

"Hey- I'm really not here for that-" Mina assured, "I didn't come here to have sex, I just came to feed and-"

He turned her head and leaned her within a breath of his lips, the opposite skimming under a pleated skirt to find the texture of soft lace. The way he stared her down, it felt like he'd long reversed the roles and she was now the prey.

"Come on, be a good girl and let me spoil you while you're here." He pressed, looking at gemstones that rivaled his but gave a cast of light he no longer possessed. "Let me treat you to a taste of sin, you can shed that halo and ride my face."

"Lukas!"

He'd pushed too far, her nerves kicking in and she broke his contact on her with a shove. She landed on the mattress at the same time, quickly standing from her seat and facing him where he stood.

"I just told you, I'm not here for sex. I'm not going to sleep with you and I'm not going to feed- I mean just look at you..!" Rejection. It stung him when it came out of her mouth and she looked at him with crinkled brows. Was she almost disgusted?

"Ouch." Was all he could manage to say in response to her complete shut-down. Maybe she was a little bit fiercer than the standard meek vampiress.

When she heard what she'd actually said she flushed with embarrassment and raised her hands in defense; "I didn't mean it to sound like that- I swear.."

She was fierce, but she was soft, already assuming she'd hurt his feelings or wounded his pride by the apologetic look on her face.

"I'll give you a minute before I get offended," Lukas paused, seeing as the time wasn't ticking any faster. He needed to keep her in the room for a while, so they at least thought he'd done something for taking her money.

"Your heart.." Mina pushed out in a whisper, this time being the one to cross the small space to approach him. "It's slow."

When she raised her hand, she paused to look towards him and he didn't catch why. He held his own confusion when she asked such simple words; he couldn't fathom them.

"May I touch you?"

Four words were all it took to put out the artificial fire he'd started in an attempt to seduce her. Four words set her apart from every other person that walked through the door and in this meeting, himself included.

He hadn't felt guilt amid his self-pity in a long time, nor had he felt the licks of shame prickling the apples of his cheeks. When he couldn't find the words and had left her waiting too long, he nodded; he couldn't think of the proper response.

Her hands were cold. All vampire's hands were cold and somehow, in some crazy way, her's felt slightly warmer than most. A placebo imagination, from the string of thoughts her question had provoked.

Mina watched her hand as if she could see through it and at this point, he wouldn't have been surprised if she could. Her eyes flickered thoughtfully, across his shoulders, his abdomen, down his arms. She was definitely seeing something.

"You shouldn't be giving any more blood, you'll be in danger if you do." She gave her own information now, glancing back up to see him gazing at her with a bottomless stare. "Your shift should be over, why are you still taking clients?"

There was that naivete again. The innocent thought that he was merely an employee, working for wages like the rest of the 'staff'. It felt wrong, cruel to break that illusion when he'd only see her for the better half of an hour.

Lukas couldn't remember the last time he'd lied to make someone feel better, instead of worse.

"You're my last client for the evening, I've got two days off after this to recover." The two biggest lies he'd told in the years he'd been indebted to the dreadful place.

However, the look of relief in her eyes felt as though he'd given her a gift. To save her mind the horrors of what she'd already processed. It felt a little less awful that way, to take back a shred of dignity via her assumption.

That's right, he was 'working' there, to earn money and definitely not credit towards the money he owes.

The pose between them finally broke in a small awkwardness, her hand falling and body turning from him to stand a few paces off. She'd been staring too long, they'd both been staring too long and she'd felt her fingers twitch with the urge to stroke the skin under them. Another sign that she'd been left in wait for too many moments.

"You can keep the money, I'm sorry that I came in here and chickened out. I'm glad I did though because I can tell by the way your blood flows that you're too low to be feeding anyone else." She tried to tell herself that was the reason she couldn't. It wasn't because she saw so many other imprints on him, so many bruises that didn't naturally belong.

It was definitely not because it made her feel like another common, preying monster.

"Yeah.. I'll be sure to double up on some water and eat plenty of meat when I get home." What a fucking joke. He had to go and top the lies he'd already told, in the guise of saving himself the embarrassment and her the fruitless thought about him.

"Are you sure you don't want just a sip? Something to curb the edge while you look somewhere else?" Now Lukas was sure the last part sounded desperate like he was reaching for any reason for her to feed. When she'd already said no a handful of times but he hoped that this time, it might sway her.

It almost did.

Mina felt the saliva drain under her tongue and she had to swallow it back; the denied need trying to claw its way up to her decisions, through her throat.

Would it hurt if he's going home? You'll be careful, more careful than anyone else would be.

Oops. He'd seen it. The shrink in her pupils and the pause bursting with longevity as she weighed what he'd just baited her with. He could taste how much he wanted to know just what kind of vampire she was.

All he needed was one feeding, one way to break her loose and find out what her beast preyed on the most. If it wasn't sex, surely it had to be blood. They were all the same, after all.

"Thank you, Lukas," What a time to pause and leave him on a cliffhanger with her words. Something about how she said his name though, gave him the feeling he knew what was coming next.

"But it would be very irresponsible of me to take that risk, you don't deserve to feel like shit the rest of your weekend."

He was actually surprised and couldn't help but wear it on his face. He thought he'd broken her down, thought she was about to thank him for his generous offer and then imbibe but she never did. He couldn't believe what he was hearing, another gentle rejection but this time, packed with consideration for his wellbeing.

Even at the cost of her own pocket. The very thing that ruled his life and stole his freedom.

The smile she backed it with, such pretty, rosy lips and dark freckles boxing in subtle fangs. If he were to ever pick a set, he thought her's looked like ones he'd want for himself. An alluring edge of danger.

"If you leave now, you can get half your payment back." He spoke towards her back as she was opening the door, already on her way out.

"I might come to see you again, earlier this time so I can maybe get a snack in. I-If you'd be okay with that." Mina turned, giving a final look over her shoulder. "My regular donor is visiting her family right now, so I'm on my own for a few weeks."

"Yeah.. Yeah! I would love that." Another idiotic word to use so drastically for such a simple chain of events. He felt like he was taking the desperation butter and slathering both sides of the bread, every time he opened his stupid mouth.

"Alright, then I'll see you sometime next week. My name is Mina, by the way." She couldn't believe she'd forgotten to introduce herself but in her personal defense, the situation was far from average. There was a lasting smile and it took all she had to break eye contact when they'd finally restored it.

"See you then, Mina." Lukas smiled, unable to fight mirroring the warmth she was projecting the longer she stood in his presence.

Oh lawrd, here I go again. Starting things I may never continue or finish but it has me for now and now is all we get. I have some ideas for a simple story so maybe it will go somewhere. I really just wanted something to whump a lot and care for a lot and I think this might be the perfect setup. Seeing as Lukas is going to have to deal with several whumpers from here on out and Mina is going to have to pick up the pieces.

While this is their official introduction, from here on out I'm going to skip around and I'll organize them in the order of which they belong on the master list. So know that this is the start and other bits of their story are after but could be at any point in the timeline.

This is technically going to be a pet whump fiction and going to lean heavily on the bbu/pet whump side as far as content. While he is 'owned' by the club right now, that will be changing in the future, and in general, this will become a pet/human-slavery themed fic.

I Will post picrews soon of my new angels because I like faces to put to the names. Stay tuned.

#whump #pet whump #bbu #vampire whump #whump fic #vampire au #whump writing #whump drabble #vampire fic #female caretaker #tw whump #tw blood #tw bruises #tw implied abuse #tw implied noncon #tw forced prostitution #tw blood loss #tw blood drinking #tw bite marks

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thewhumperinwhite · 5 years ago

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WKW: Magic Lessons Part Two

Previous: Teaser 1 / Teaser 2 / Presentable / The Lion’s Mane / To Bid You All Welcome: Part One / Part 2 / Part 3 / A Single Bed, A Door With No Lock / Sword Of My Fathers / Flashback: Little Bird, Part One / Little Bird Part Two / Stained Glass, Candles, Empty Stone / Magic Lessons: Part One / Magic Lessons: Interlude

Asher has a visitor.

TW for: underage whumpee; captivity; isolation; implied/referenced/threatened noncon; grooming; gaslighting and manipulation; Morden Crane’s Creepy Vibes

@faewhump @lollyxxxfem also hey if you wanna be tagged in wkw updates please send me a message specifically cause those are the easiest for me to keep track of <3

----

If Asher had known to expect the fall of his father’s house, if he hadn’t believed the lies the nobles and staff had raised him on, that the castle was impenetrable, that the walls of Colomur were unbreachable, that the Lion of Colomur was unkillable and the Lady’s magic unbeatable—even if he had known to expect anything, he would not have expected his chief complaint in the first weeks after the end of the world to be boredom.

It’s far from his only complaint, of course. There’s no abundance of food and he’s not felt really full since—well, since even before the siege, so probably in months, now. And generally when he sees the armed Leisevan soldiers in their black armor patrolling the halls of his father’s house he has to sit down quickly because he is immediately shaking from—well, partly anger, and mostly fear.

And occasionally he thinks of his brother’s blank face as he kneels before the Winter King; occasionally he thinks of the clothes they have made his brother wear before the court and all the things they might mean, each one worse than the last, and of how even if there was anything he could do to stop it Andry would not let him because his brother is determined to die for him whether Asher wants him to or not.

But even so, Asher is allowed one hour a day to see his brother, generally under the sardonically watchful eye of the Winter King’s Wolf, upon whom all the hatred in Asher’s heart is currently focused; and the minute Andry is out of his sight Asher begins to feel as though perhaps the world outside the single room they keep him in no longer exists, and maybe never existed.

The room itself is small, equipped with a bed, a small couch, and a chamber pot and washtub. There are two black-armored guards posted at the door at all times, but either they have been instructed not to speak with him or they don’t care to.

They have left Asher his clothes, including the jacket he was wearing when the siege broke, which is emblazoned with his father’s crest embroidered boldly across the back.

For reasons he has had no opportunity or reason to verbalize, Asher has spent the past three days unpicking it with his teeth.

Asher has no reliable way of telling the time, so even though he ought to know better, he looks up with real hope when the door opens, thinking it must somehow be his allotted time with Andry again. Then he freezes, and presses the ruin he’s making of his father’s crest face down on the floor beside him, without really knowing why.

The Winter King is standing in the doorway, looking down at him with tolerant amusement.

Asher has not laid eyes on Morden Crane since he was seated beside him at the banquet, and that was—at least two sunsets ago now. And, crucially, in public. Long before he can identify what he’s feeling, the Winter King smirks down at him—Asher is sitting on the floor in front of the bed, unwashed and really only half decent, at least by his mother’s standards—and plucks the jacket, which Asher has now spent unbroken hours ruining, easily from Asher’s relaxing grip.

The Winter King examines the jacket, smirk widening; mercifully it is now between his face and Asher and Asher uses the opportunity to scramble up off the floor and onto the bed in order to scoot back away from the Winter King as quickly as possible.

“Goodness,” Morden Crane says. “It may not be an elegant crest, but I wouldn’t have thought it as hateful as all that.”

He lowers the jacket to raise his eyebrows at Asher, and Asher can see the center of the embroidered lion’s face torn to shreds. He did it himself, but seeing it in Crane’s hands makes him immediately sick.

“Feeling a bit restive, are we, Prince?”

Asher glares up at the Winter King. The man is, as always, tall and handsome and immaculately neat, every strand of his long black hair in place, expression lightly amused but mostly serene and unbothered. Asher lifts his chin, determined not to be afraid. “What are you doing here?”

Morden sets the jacket on the back of the couch, patting it with mocking gentleness. Then he spreads his hands and smiles at Asher, his face mild and open and dangerous.

“I’m here to see you, of course,” the Winter King says.

Asher stares at him, alarmed.

“It occurred to me that you’ve had little room to run since our families have come together. A growing boy needs space to move about, I imagine.” Morden’s black eyes glitter, as if at a private joke at Asher’s expense. “Perhaps you’d like to take a turn of the gardens with me, Prince.”

Asher’s heart hammers in his chest. The knowledge that it must be a trap does him no good, because he cannot imagine what such a trap’s object might be. Andry, he thinks desperately, would know, would see immediately what the Winter King is playing at, but Asher has never been clever like Andry is, and the longer Crane stands before him the more he is certain of nothing except that he is afraid.

He shakes his head, because his tongue is too thick in his mouth to speak well.

Morden Crane looks at Asher, apparently without anger, and sighs a little. “Prince,” he says, “really. It gives me no pleasure to be feared and hated by those with whom I have no quarrel. Politics may have started us off on the wrong foot, but it needn’t make us lifelong enemies.”

“You killed my father,” Asher says flatly.

Morden sighs, making a conceding gesture with his gloved hand. “A difficult start, I’ll grant. My Harpy is excitable; her orders were to take the Lion alive. In fairness, you must agree the Lion’s temper allowed for little diplomacy.”

It is, in a terrible way, true. Even if Crane hadn’t ordered Audoine killed, Asher knows his father too well to imagine him being taken alive; he’d have died first out of spite alone.

It also barely matters anymore. Asher is too sick with worry about the living to question the treatment of the dead.

Asher shifts forward, gripping the edge of the bed, and meets the Winter King’s black eyes, as fearlessly as he can manage.

“Crane,” he says, and doesn’t shrink back when Morden raises his eyebrows at the address. “Answer, and don’t lie to me.” Asher cannot spot a lie like Andry, but he thinks he will know this, to his bones. “Winter King. Have you touched my brother?”

Morden blinks, and then bursts out a laugh, apparently startled, as though at a ridiculous question. “Me?” he says. “Darling. No.”

Asher searches the Winter King’s face. Morden lets him look, with nothing more than amusement.

“Then I’ll go with you,” Asher says, and hopes the condition is clear in his voice.

If the Winter King wants to walk to gardens with him—for reasons Asher can’t fathom, but which he isn’t naïve enough to imagine he will like—Asher can give him that, at least for now. Andry may be determined to die for him, but two can play that game.

Asher braces himself for some overt humiliation—Andry is never permitted to walk the halls without being leashed like a dog—but Morden Crane only glides serenely over to the door, nods when the guards snap to attention, and raises his eyebrows back at Asher, beckoning when Asher doesn’t immediately follow.

Asher approaches cautiously, and Crane gestures him ahead, the motion slightly too grand to be anything but mocking. Asher stares at the guards—if they are laughing at least he will know better what he is being led to—but they must be trained specially to show nothing on their faces, and their black Leisevan uniforms still send a shiver down Asher’s spine—enough that he takes half a step closer to Crane before he realizes what he's doing, and would stumble into the Winter King if Crane didn’t obligingly drop a black-gloved hand onto his shoulder to steady him.

Asher goes rigid at the Winter King’s touch, all thoughts of self-sacrifice driven immediately from his head by skin-crawling panic.

Crane withdraws his hand easily, and even steps back to give Asher more space, and his burst of laughter is harsh enough that it might actually be sincere.

“Relax, Prince,” Crane says. “Gakne knows I’ve no interest in touching you either.”

Asher takes a breath to try to slow his hammering heartbeat, ashamed of his own lack of resolve, and squares his shoulders, stands tall like Andry used to stand in front of their father.

Crane watches him with open amusement, and then turns and sweeps down the hallway, not even turning to see if Asher will follow.

Not that Asher has any choice, with the two guards still standing at attention mere feet behind him. He scurries after the Winter King, and leash or no he feels like a dog at heel.

After days in one room, the sunlight nearly blinds him, and he is immediately shivering in his tatty undershirt, no longer used to the autumn breeze. Crane has led him out a side door into the courtyard, and watches him shake with the same amused smirk with which he seems to look at everything, and Asher only barely keeps from glaring at him.

Then the Winter King says, “Here, boy,” and reaches for the jeweled clasp at his throat, and before Asher can protest, Crane has swung his great black cloak around Asher’s shoulders; for a moment the warmth is such a relief that he almost pulls it closer.

He remembers Andry’s bared shoulders in front of his father’s court, the jeweled band around his throat, Andry’s bowed head and shaking hands.

Asher shrugs the cloak off, hard; the material is thick and costly and it smacks heavily into the dirt, raises a cloud of dust.

He can practically hear Andry’s horrified voice in his head and knows he should stop before he’s gone too far to come back, but he has never been as strong as Andry. Asher spits at the Winter King’s feet, instead.

Then he stares up at the Winter King, who has raised his perfect brows very high, and prays he doesn’t die looking frightened.

Then the Winter King smirks again, and opens his gloved hands in amused surrender. “You’re welcome to freeze, if you’d prefer,” he says, and stoops easily to retrieve his cloak, folding it over his arm, as if to show off how little the cold bothers him, and turns to lead Asher through the garden.

Asher feels tears prick at his eyes, though he doesn’t know why. When the Winter King begins to pick his way through the flower beds, he follows.

----

Riding high on the aftermath of one of Thorne’s “lessons,” it’s easy enough for Morden to be merciful. And as no one else is present in the homely little courtyard garden to witness the child’s outburst, it’s certainly no skin off Morden’s nose. Quite the opposite, really.

Still, it’s a delicate situation, maybe more than he anticipated. The younger Prince isn’t so much older than his Thorne was, when he first found him; yet apparently a few years can make a world of difference in the attitude of a teenage boy. And, of course, his work with Thorne had the advantage of novelty: no one had offered Thorne a soft word or a hot meal before Morden; the little Prince, in contrast, has clearly been spoiled, by his brother if not by the dead Lion. It’s an entirely different proposition, really.

Still, Morden thinks, basking in magic like a cat in the sun, he can afford to be patient. The little Prince is only a backup, and Morden has plenty of time.

#the winter king's ward #whump #original whump #fantasy whump #royalty whump #captivity #isolation #grooming tw #manipulation #faux affectionate villain

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thestuckylibrary · 5 years ago

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Group Ask 166

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Please send us an ask stating which group ask and which person you are replying to. Thank you so much in advance!

Anon 1 said: (past rape/noncon)

Hi! I'm looking for a fic in which Bucky hides his period from the team (once he is with the avengers) because Pierce made him believe that it meant he had lost a baby. There's at least mention of past rape and I remember reading it on ao3, but I haven't been able to find it -Thank you in advance for your help and making this archive!

Anon 2 said:

do you know the fic where steve got the serum but his body build didnt change and he never went down in the ice but he was also aging very slowly and that’s how he made it in the modern world. when he met bucky again, he prevented the events of cw from happening by telling tony about what really happened with his parents and stuff

darkphoenixrisingwrites said:

Hi, I am looking for a Stucky fic on Ao3. Bucky was captured and put into a safe house with Steve. Hr isn't allowed to leave the and isn't talking to Steve at first because he doesn't remember him. A government guy pays them regular visits. A female therapist comes to visit Bucky too. Nat and Sam were guests in the house. Steve manages to get Bucky to talk. Soon Bucky begins to remember stuff. He is sure that his memory of kissing Steve is real but Steve denies it. Steve orders stuff for the house via chat with some guy from the government. Thomas or so. Later Steve and Bucky sleep with each other and get almost caught by that government guy during a surprise visit. Nat, during one of her visits, figures out what's going on between them. If I remember correctly Bucky is on some kind if trial phase. If he behaves and if the therapist declares him not a threat, then he is free to go. If he breaks a rule he'll be tried for his crimes as the WS.

pendragonstar and dragonflybeach sent in We’ll Be Okay Someday* by arthurmarston (WIP | 105,982 | E) *implied/referenced rape/noncon, implied/referenced torture

Anon 3 said:

hi, hello, there’s a fic I’ve been looking for forever and I can’t seem to find... I don’t remember most of the details, but bucky was a merman. His tail was red and he had human legs as long as he didn’t touch any water? I think it was set in the war and it was very angsty. I remember a scene in which they’re being attacked and Bucky jumps off a cliff and into water, turns, and kills their enemies (hydra??)

herkharvey sent in Sharp Teeth and Bird Bones* by Shaish, Stringlish (restricted, complete | 32662 & E) *graphic violence

musicforlife2000-blog said:

looked everywhere and I can't find this fic, its about Steve being able to teleport, and Peggy has kids with Gabe, and they find Bucky but he doesn't remember himself but makes the decision to trust Steve in the hospital when Steve promises him revenge on hydra their relationship develops while Bucky remembers more, and then something about Steve being able to teleport people in some void and depending on good or bad they see some awful stuff and at the end Becca and Bucky find Steve on a beach

ice-whisper, dragonflybeach, princessniitza, whyaretheycalledpancakes and Anon sent in cascades.* by orange_crushed (complete | 152,138 | M) *graphic violence

Anon 4 said:

Hi! Sorry this is a bit vague but i was looking for this fic about bucky's recovery where steve does a painting of bucky that becomes famous (there was a lot about how the painting evoked a sense of distance between the viewer and the subject and i think rothko was mentioned?) and later on he does another painting of bucky that shows how far they've come and how they're in a better place now? Thank you!! :)

amazonrhinos sent in Casual Encounters by MoreThanSlightly (cadignan) (complete | 66,593 | E)

Anon 5 said:

Hi! I've been going crazy looking for a fic and thought I'd try my luck here. I remember it was a journal/book written by one of the howling commandos, showing Steve and Bucky from an outsiders pov in the war. Bucky was kept out of history, he was never referred to by name and in the fic the nazis had a nickname for him that had something to do with skull, and parts of bucky's character was the 'bear jew' from inglorious bastards.

Anon sent in Jacob (I Have Loved) by Lasgalendil (restricted, WIP | 109,472| M) *graphic violence, rape/noncon, major character death

whyaretheycalledpancakes sent in The Night War: 60th Anniversary Edition* by praximeter (Zimario) (complete | 109,105 | T ) */others or Brothers by bloodbuzzedohio (complete | 49,821 | E)

Anon 6 said:

Hi, ages ago I read a fic that was Steve and Bucky pre-war, it was basically a PWP where Bucky and Steve would have sex, but the whole tone was kinda: Bucky isn't looking Steve in the eyes, so he can pretend he's a dame, lots of denial, etc., but at the end, Bucky is being all gentle to Steve and says something like "I don't want to pretend you're a dame anymore" to Steve. I searched so much for that fic, so i was hoping that maybe someone could help? :)

Anon 7 said:

I was reading this very long post WWII AU fic, but didn’t bookmark it. Can you help me find it? Steve fought WWII, but in Pacific. Arnie died in Guadalcanal. Peggy was nurse. Steve got blue ticked. Bucky is sixteenish twink and met S in gay bar. S has storage chest and B finds sketchbooks there. S+B move together to 2 bedroom apartment. S feels guilty for making B live in shadows as a gay man.

herkharvey, princessniitza and allegra-dreams sent in Civilian* by alby_mangroves, CoraRochester (complete | 71,880 | E) *underage

trash-bih said:

Hi... I’m looking for a fic where Steve and Bucky are in Paris during/after the war and it starts off with them at like a party. Steve and Bucky are talking to different women. The woman talking to Steve knew he is in love with Bucky and pulls him off to the side to speak with him. She introduces Steve to her girlfriend. The women, Steve, and Bucky then leave for a hotel. At the hotel, Steve blindfolds Bucky but inadvertently triggers Bucky’s PTSD from his captivity/experimentation at Azzano.

Anon 8 said:

i've sent this ask before, but i think it got lost among the others. i'm looking for an abo fic, where bucky is an alpha and steve is an omega. it's in the 1940s. bucky goes to war and comes back from it alive. steve doesn't get the serum, so it's a pre-serum one. they have bunch of kids, i think it was around 7-8 (might be even more). they move somewhere else and bucky starts working as a mechanic with the romanoffs. thank you!!!

currently-recharging sent in Like Rahab* by moonythejedi394 (complete | 131,789| E) *rape/noncon

Anon 9 said:

Thanks for this blog! I'm looking for a fit that's an AU where they are both agents and Bucky gets kidnapped and Steve finds him by listening to background noise recording. Also he helps buck recover. Thanks again!

scriggle-scraggle sent in When the Sun Sets on Dark Silhouettes by caughtinanocean (oneshot | 8,283 | T)

Anon 10 said:

can you help me find this fic?? basically bucky goes to steve's house in the middle of the night and talks about how he was fucked by someone else at a party but he wasn't as good, so he has steve fuck him instead, but then they become boyfriends, and i remember that bucky had this like 'sweet space' where he basically drops really hard. thank you so much!!

theheartofmaria sent in No One Else by howdoyousleep (complete | 12,577 | E)

Anon 11 said:

hi im really desperate to find this fic im wondering if you could help me? basically its post tws and buckys running from steve and sam, but he goes to the museum’s exhibit on him and steals a boys phone in the bathroom to research himself more before returning the phone. steve catches up to him but bucky knocks him out to escape before eventually going to the tower with him and in the end he dyes his hair blue. does this ring any bells? thank uuuuu

Anon 12 said:

I'm looking for this fic where Steve&Bucky were fucking, but Bucky always had his mask on and refused to tell Steve his name. Steve got sick or smthn and Bucky came to visit him in the hospital and they fucked and I think Steve begged either for Bucky's name or for him to take off the mask? I think Bucky was a temporary avenger bc someone was sick maybe?? So they fuck for the last time bc Bucky's contract is up and so he tells Steve who he really is. Can anyone help me? Thanks!

allegra-dreams and Anon sent in a blade with no handle by ftmsteverogers (oneshot | 13,351 | E)

amazonrhinos sent in Happy Accidents by BetteNoire (WeAreWolves) (restricted, complete | 29,777 | E)

#group asks

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ashintheairlikesnow · 5 years ago

Note

I was thinking, what if Jake accidentally triggered Chris? Like maybe Jake casually says something that sir would say when he was about to punish Chris. He’d probably feel so guilty.

So this isn’t exactly what you asked for, but it hits on another ask I received and is very similar! (sorry, other asker, I ended up losing your ask because Tumblr sucks)

CW: References to past whump involving a minor. PTSD/trauma response to stressful stimuli. Includes description of stimming including head banging. VERY vague references to past implied noncon.

Chris’s mind runs fast. Not as fast as his mouth, but that’s okay, he can mostly catch up to himself if he works at it. His mind runs fast but it also derails and crashes on tiny details when he’s trying to finish his chores, and he never had chores before he came to live here but he doesn’t mind them - it’s just hard to get them done when there keep being so many other things to look at.

He’s supposed to be cleaning the living room, and it takes Jake maybe half an hour to do this but Chris has been at it for nearly forty-five minutes, he thinks, maybe longer… and he’s still just trying to finish dusting all the shelves.

The thing is - the TV is on, because he likes the background noise, but words keep catching his attention, little phrases and bits of information his brain wants to add to the constant loop of his thoughts. Plus - plus, on top of the TV and the swirly letters he can’t read on all the books, and the way the throw pillows have kind of a cool texture - on top of all of that, there’s a chipmunk outside.

He knows it’s a chipmunk because Jake told him about how they chirp, which he didn’t know before he came here. Chris mostly didn’t know anything before he came here, but he’s learning, piece by piece.

The chirping keeps catching his attention, drawing him away, slowing him down. He’s no good at cleaning, he can’t think about it long enough, cleaning is too slow and too methodical for his brain. But he likes doing chores, because chores mean he belongs here.

He fluffs a throw pillow, then runs his fingertips over the rough braided texture right down the center, a change from the silky-touch feel of the sides. Silk, rough, silk, rough, silk, rough.

His eyes start to unfocus, go slightly blank.

Silk, rough, just like-

“How’s it going, Chris?” Nat calls from upstairs. She’s turning over all the mattresses and changing the sheets today, Antoni is with her, while Leila works on cleaning the bathroom upstairs and Jake’s down here, in the kitchen, just a few feet away.

“It’s, it’s, it’s it’s it’s good!” Chris calls back, jerking himself into motion, but he can hear the chipmunk outside still, calling and calling and calling. Is it missing someone?

Do I miss someone?

The thought breaks in, strange and uncertain, hardly his own. It’s plaintive, sad. It’s a thought that belongs to Baldur in the dark nights, and to the numbered boy before that in the flat white room. It’s not a thought that belongs to Chris, who stands next to the window and looks out into sunny day. It’s not a thought he wants.

So he ignores it.

Thoughts like that come with headaches that leave him shaking in the dark, and he’s very good at ignoring anything that might bring on the pain again.

He moves to clean around the windowsills, which - who ever heard of doing that, but it’s on the list she reads out to him, and he tries to remember everything. He’s getting better.

The chipmunk chirps outside the window, a kind of throat-swallow sound, and Chris finds himself echoing the noise, making a high-pitched eep-eep-eep sound. It doesn’t sound like the chipmunk at all, but the little animal goes silent outside when he does it, and Chris feels a thrill.

It understood I was trying to talk to it. Maybe it’s listening to me.

That’s a silly thought, and he tries to tell himself it’s stupid, but when he thinks awful things about himself he can kind of hear how Jake would respond if he said them out loud. You’re smart, Chris, you’re smarter than you think you are - you’re brilliant in there, we’re just bringing it back out. Don’t talk down about yourself. The way you think about yourself is how you think about the world.

Chris mostly loves the world, now. So he tries to love himself.

The chipmunk starts back up again, and Chris moves closer, a smile on his face. Slow, and careful, step by step, cleaning forgotten, he tilts his head and-… there it is. Tiny body no bigger than a mouse in a movie, reddish-brown with the black and white stripes across its head and down its back.

Jake says they have stripes like that because the things that eat them don’t see color like people do, and the stripes help them hide.

I wish I had stripes to help me hide.

But the thought doesn’t matter, because Chris doesn’t have to hide anymore. He puts that thought away, too. Lets it sink into the revolving mix of things going on inside his mind at any given moment. Right now it’s mostly the chipmunk.

His hand keeps moving with the rag in it, wiping back and forth across the windowsill, spraying the glass cleaner and wiping at that, too, but it’s half-hearted and he knows he’s leaving streaks. He just… can’t quite stop thinking about the little chipmunk he can just see, hardly a breath of an animal, sitting in Nat’s grass under the white birch tree in her front yard.

If you go to the tree you can peel strips of white and black bark away, easy as cake, like peeling away all his skin to find the real him underneath.

There’s a voice, behind him, from the TV. Smooth, genial, warm and slightly arrogant, the voice of someone who has total and perfect confidence in themselves.

Chris drops the glass cleaner, the plastic bottle bouncing off the floor. The chipmunk catches some hint of the sudden movement and takes off, disappearing in the blink of an eye.

“Of course, Deborah. But I don’t think it’s fair to remove this right that’s been enshrined in our laws since 1952 just because a few protesters get their, well, I won’t say it in polite company. But just because a few protesters are bothered, that’s no reason to get rid of an entire system that’s working just fine. We need to crack down on abuse, of course, and these nasty rumors about illegal acquisition - which, I know the head of WRU personally, I can tell you that’s all a bunch of nonsense-”

Chris’s constant running barrage of thoughts comes to a stuttering halt.

He turns slowly around, cleaning rag still clutched in his other hand, his heart somewhere trapped around his knees, to stare at the TV.

There’s a woman on the screen right now, with blonde hair shellacked in a kind of circle around her head, wearing bright red lipstick and a dress to match. She tilts her head at a practiced angle, and Chris unconsciously echoes the motion. His free hand twists, fingers twitching in a kind of dance, before they tap against his own side. Tap-tap-tap-tap, the motion soothing him, calming him, a rush of something pleasant that fights the fear.

“Of course, Governor Branch-”

“Oh, how do I love to hear myself called that, still,” The man replies. He sits back, the slight shine of the light off his hair makes Chris dizzy. He can almost smell the hair product that’s in it, can almost feel the smooth fabric of the suit Sir is wearing slipping through his fingers.

That’s the one he wore the night Miss Megan saved me.

“Speaking of illegal acquisitions, there’ve been persistent rumors surrounding WRU and its competing corporations about pet abuse, abductions, even minors being put into the system. What would you say o the protesters and pet liberation groups asking for better, more thorough investigations? Would you support the call for a Congressional investigation?””

Sir laughs - it’s a lovely laugh, pulling a smile onto the woman’s face, it’s a laugh Chris has dreams and nightmares about - and Chris lets out a choked-off sound.

Baldur, darling, you do know how to make a man laugh, don’t you?

His fingers twist faster, tap harder into his side. He steps away, stumbling gracelessly, until he can find a hard surface, the wall. He taps on it as fast as he can, a constant barrage of tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap, holding back the worst of the fear, keeping it at bay.

The rush of the sensation isn’t enough to beat back the fog in his mind. He’s buying time but not enough. He can hear Jake singing to himself in the kitchen, and his mouth opens to call, to say, that’s him, that’s my Sir, that’s him on TV, but no sound comes out.

Outside, the chipmunk starts chirping again.

Chris slides down to the floor, curling himself up into a ball, staring fixedly at the screen.

“Deborah, I have spoken to my good friend Timothy Rahm - current CEO of WRU, sorry, not all your viewers are going to know that, are they? - and he has assured me again and again that WRU has absolutely no minors in the system. They have strict physical examinations and quality control checks that ensure every single pet is of legal consenting age.”

Sir smiles, flash of bright white teeth. Chris thinks of whitening strips laid out in a little stray next to Sir’s sink. He had to look good for cameras. He does look good, in his suit with his tan and his sparkly amused eyes.

Darlin’, don’t look upset. You’re going to stay right here in the basement for the party, can’t have anyone getting too good a look, can we?

But, but, but but I don’t like the, the basement, Sir I don’t-

Baldur. You’ll stay in the basement. No arguments.

Yes, Sir.

Chris leans his head over, until it thumps into the wall. Briefly, he feels a burst of better, a wash of something like adrenaline, but soothing, calming. So he does it again. And again. And again.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

The chipmunk is silent, listening outside to the sound of Chris as his thoughts revolve and focus around the man on the TV.

He can’t hear what they’re saying any longer, he doesn’t try to. He lets the sound of Sir’s voice, melodic and warm, wash over and around him, but if he keeps thumping his head on the wall - if he keeps tapping, too, if he can just do both - he won’t let him in.

Get him to stop doing that thing with his hand, it’s annoying as hell. I don’t care how, tie his fucking hands down. Teach him not to do that anymore.

The voice wants to trickle under his skin, but a good thump - it’s not painful, it doesn’t hurt, it’s only a shake out of his freezing, it’s holding back the sounds that would hurt if they made it too far in - knocks it back out.

Not yours. Not yours. Not yours. Not yours.

He chants along with the thumps of his head, the taps of his fingers. He whispers without sound.

Better now. Better now. Better now. Better now.

His eyes go unfocused, and Sir is gone, but Chris can’t remember quite how to find his own way back. He doesn’t know how long he floats there, waiting. He doesn’t even know what he’s waiting for.

Someone crouches down in front of him and Chris flinches - no, no, he’s not supposed to touch the walls any longer, he has to stop or he’ll be in trouble again - only to feel Jake’s warm hands on his shoulders, up his neck, on either side of his face.

Jake’s smell, simple clean shower-smell, nothing like Sir’s heavy cologne. Jake smells like soap from the shower and fresh-cut grass from mowing the lawn this morning and the sun that shone in his hair when he did it, while Chris watched from inside.

“Chris?”

“I, I, I, I… I I I saw, I saw, I saw-”

Jake’s eyebrows furrow in concern, a hint of worry lines across his forehead. “What did you see, man? Can you tell me what you saw? Can you tell me what’s in your head right now?”

Sir isn’t on TV anymore. They’ve moved on to talk about something else. Chris swallows, looking up at Jake, then shoves himself forward to push into Jake’s chest, tap-tap-tapping on his side. Jake doesn’t stop him, Jake never ever stops him, he understands the tapping helps. Jake only puts one arm around him and holds him tightly, leaving the other down so Chris can tap, twist-fingers-tap-shirt, again and again.

The simple, clean rush of calm, bit by bit, building a wall to fight back the waves of awful things that want to dig under his skin.

“Chris, I need you to talk to me. What did you see? What happened?”

Chris closes his eyes, thinks of Sir’s smile, just like it always was. His laugh.

Thinks of being good in the dark.

“I saw a chipmunk,” Chris whispers. “Saw, I saw, there was a, a, a-a-a chipmunk, saw a chipmunk, saw-… then the TV, I-… on the, the TV on the tv there was, um, on the TV-”

“Okay. Okay, I know that wasn’t it, but… do you need me to turn off the TV? Would that help?”

Chris nods into Jake’s shirt, clutching hard onto the fabric, tapping his fingers. Hold it back, hold it back, push back the fear and the noise. “Heard, on the TV, I-I-I heard, I heard-”

“It’s okay. Look, I’m going to-… there, if I stretch I can just grab it-” Jake reaches out with his free hand, shakes the side table next to the couch until the remote drops off of it onto the floor within his reach. He turns off the TV and the sudden lack of sound fills the room with a new kind of weight. “No rush, buddy.” Jake squeezes Chris’s shoulders with one arm. “No rush to tell me. Take your time. You’re okay, you’re right here with us, this is Nat’s house. Nobody’s here but us, and we’re safe. I’ve got you, man.”

“You’ve, you’ve got me,” Chris whispers. He feels an urge to thump his head on Jake’s shoulder like he did on the wall, but manages not to. Only just. He can still hear Sir’s voice, like music that won’t stop playing, like when you get a song stuck in your head.

Sir would hate him wearing Jake’s big T-shirt, would hate the silky-mesh basketball shorts he wears all the time. Would hate his knobby knees sticking out from them, his sharp elbows that dig when he doesn’t mean them to. Sir hated his cold feet under the covers.

Jake doesn’t mind any of those things. Jake gives him the shirts he likes, and holds him, and doesn’t stop him from doing the things he has to do to keep his mind from running away too far for him to catch it. Sir was on the screen, but Jake has him here, and only one of those things is real.

Outside, a bit of bark peels away from the white birch tree in the wind, slowly revealing soft, easily-damaged wood the color of pale human skin underneath.

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