#tw: Microagressions

[w-meth]

Another update

Tw: Microagressions against trans

[3-2-whump]

The Party

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TW/CW: public humiliation, pet whump (I think?), objectification, whumpee on display, whumpee being talked about as if not even there, light microagression towards whumpee (?) This is fun to tag.

By now, Khaled should’ve been used to hearing the faint sound of metallic clinking as he walked. His owner used to bind his feet in cuffs for nearly a year straight when he had first come into his home, leaving just enough chain in between to walk comfortably and not an inch more. That was nearly six years ago, yet even hearing the faint shk shk shk of shimmering chains whenever he moved mentally transported him back to boyhood, when he was scared, shy, and didn’t know what was going on or what was expected of him. Much like tonight.

“Stand up straight, pick up your feet, and don’t look so glum,” Thomas chided.

Easy for you to say, Khaled thought as he eyed his fully dressed owner in envy. The mafia boss was dressed in a three-piece suit as usual, though he had changed into one of the more expensive ones for tonight’s function, a charity ball of some sort. The garnets set into his golden cufflinks glowed like freshly shed blood under the foyer’s lights as he gestured at him.

Khaled wore gold and garnets of his own, except they were…everywhere. They were in his earrings, in his nose ring, studded like pomegranate seeds in his necklace, acting as connection points in the harness-like body chain draped over his bare chest and torso –he was covered in them and still felt naked. A sheer and silky fabric tied unskillfully around his waist matched the color of the sanguine jewels and provided the only shred of modesty in this obscene outfit. Khaled prayed it would not fall off, but he did not favor his chances.

At least I get a break from that chastity cage, he consoled himself.

He straightened his posture and adopted a more neutral expression. His master smiled. “Good boy,” he said, and yet the usual praise did not ease the nervous churning in his gut. The golden bracelets on his wrists, matching the bands on his ankles, clinked softly as the man reached out to squeeze his hands in reassurance. “You look beautiful,” was all he said to him before he dropped his hand and parted the large doors to the ballroom.

Khaled’s skin seared hot under the chandelier lights as he felt the gaze of every patrons’ eyes on him. Keeping his eyes focused on some neutral midpoint ahead of him –like that potted plant, yeah, is that even real? –he followed his master into the fray, swallowing nervously as he heard the heavy doors close behind him. It felt like everyone was staring at him, and from the glances he dared to take from his periphery, he understood why. Every other patron was dressed in formal attire. Even the few escorts he saw -and he could recognize a fellow sex worker when he saw one- were dressed more modestly than him. At least their chests were covered! His face burned with embarrassment, a blush that probably rivaled the cerise garnets, all the way down to his collarbones.

The boss stopped, finally, and so did he as they settled into the corner of the ballroom. They stood next to the bar and very close to the table laid out with several dozen little canapes. Khaled’s stomach loudly rumbled and his mouth pooled with saliva just looking at them. He hadn’t eaten since lunch, which was nearly eight hours ago. He glanced at his master, who was currently receiving a glass of whiskey from the bartender, and he carefully stretched a hand out to reach for the tartlet-thing closest to him.

“No.” His bracelets jingled as his hand was swatted away like he was a misbehaving pet. His master stared down at him as he threw back the shot of whiskey. Khaled drew his hand back to his side. “I’ll feed you when we get home, if you’ve been good, that is.” He sighed, but reluctantly nodded. He cast his gaze down to his sandaled feet as he tried not to think about the ever-present food and the persistent gnawing of his stomach.

A pair of expensive black leather shoes stepped into the top of his vision. “Thomas, so glad you could make it,” the unseen stranger greeted.

“Wouldn’t miss this for the world,” his owner replied, a polite smile in the tone of his voice.

“So, who’s this?” The stranger’s attentions were on him.

“This,” he said boastfully, “is my darling, my dearest, my worst-kept secret!” Khaled wanted to shrink away from the attention, but has master’s hand on his waist reminded him not to. “Come on, Khaled!” He summoned his courage to look up. An older man with a pot belly and a short, dour-faced wife on his arm was appraising him curiously, as if he was an exotic item and not a person. Smile, damn it, an impatient voice rang in his head. He flashed them a shy smile as he looked at them through his kohl-rimmed lashes.

“Your intern?”

“My ‘intern’,” his master clarified.

“He’s a pretty one, how long have you had him?”

“Oh, about six years now, come this spring.”

“Wow! Well, you’ve obviously been taking great care of him!” It was so obvious that this stranger wanted to do more than just look at him, with the way his fat fingers practically vibrated in excitement.

 “Six years?!” a second guest –a tall and thin woman– gasped. Khaled realized by now they had attracted a small crowd of partygoers to the bar, all with the intent to sneak a peek at Don Costa’s boy toy. He ducked his head in shame.

“Mine didn’t even last six months!” the woman whined, trying to garner sympathy.

“I’m sorry to hear that. I just got lucky, I guess,” Thomas shrugged.

“Tell us, how is he in bed?” another guest asked.

“Good, though there’s not much skill in lying back and taking it!” A chorus of laughter accompanied his master’s. He found a scuff on the hardwood floor and pretended that was the only thing that existed.

“Does he speak?” yet another faceless guest asked. The whole semicircle of gawkers fell silent. Khaled dared to look up. All eyes were on him.

“Well, go on, boy, say something,” his master directed.

Khaled wanted nothing more than for the earth to swallow him whole.

“W-what should I say?” he asked nervously.

An irreverent number of oohs and aahs erupted from the small entourage.

“Not even the faintest hint of an accent!” the first man exclaimed. “Now tell me, Tom, did you train him to speak that well?”

“No,” his owner admitted, “I mean, I hired a tutor to teach him English, but he trained the accent out of himself on his own.”

“Why, though?”

The stretch of awkward silence indicated they were waiting yet again for Khaled to speak, that they wanted him to answer. Khaled shifted his eyes to the floor again, swallowing past the discomfort of being scrutinized this closely. “Because… I didn’t want to stand out.”

-

“You were amazing!” Thomas complimented Khaled as he watched him shovel take-out falafel pita into his mouth like it was his first meal in days.

“So, this was just a one-time thing, right?” his beloved slave asked, cheeks distended with half-chewed falafel.

“Hey, don’t talk with your mouth full,” Thomas chastised him, “I trained you better than that.”

Khaled swallowed the food and apologized under his breath. “And to answer your question, who knows? They couldn’t keep their eyes off you,” he smirked pridefully. I couldn’t keep my eyes off you, either. He glanced from the road over to his passenger in the car. Khaled had looked every bit as alluring as he had imagined when he was covered in gold and jewels and blood red silk. He would never admit he was hard for nearly the entire time they were at the party, but the evidence probably spoke for itself through the bulge in his slacks. “It’s no wonder though. Red is a good color on you.” And I want to see what you look like in blue next, he mentally added. “I just might drag you out to other parties in the future if we get attention like that.”

Khaled set his stub of a pita down on his lap. Thomas couldn’t help but grimace; what if it left a stain? “Do I have to dress like this again?” the young man asked, though his defeated tone told him he already knew the answer.

“Oh, don’t be so sad about it, you were gorgeous!” I thought about nothing but how to get you alone for the entire time we were there!

“I was nearly naked, Master. In public. In front of strangers. Does that not bother you?”

“So? I like to show off what’s mine,” he shrugged. “Look, when you’re free, you can choose to wear whatever you want, but until then, you’ll put on whatever I give you, okay?” Khaled slumped further into the car seat. Maybe it was a bit cruel to tease him with the freedom he’d never willingly give him. Thomas sighed, feeling a little guilty. He reached out a hand to pat a silk-covered thigh. “It won’t be very often, I promise,” he reassured him.

“Yes, Master,” his pet murmured.Thomas smiled. At the red light, he leaned over to kiss the side of Khaled’s sauce-stained lips.

Le Tag List: @kabie-whump @rainydaywhump @whumped-by-glitter @skittles-the-whumpee

[blkkizzat]

yoooooo do you know what happened to callm3senpaii ?!?!?!???? i was a huge fan of their banger works and when i try to find them now their account is deactivated I am devastated 😭

chiiileee 😭 long story short they got mad they traded away gojo on mudae, blocked everyone and deleted their blog.

i wish i was lyin'.

[vvh0adie]

We need to have a talk about the phrase “I didn’t like rap until kpop” or any other iteration.

I don’t think ya’ll realize that’s a microaggression.

I’ll elaborate elaborate in another post, but it’s kinda self explanatory…

Imma just say you can’t “not like something before”when the mfkas you like now are just regurgitating the same shit. And its not like they even do it better: they literally make the same music, but one has more upward mobility because its detached from the negative perception of the other.

Then top that with the fact that your favorite rapper likes the mfkas before them as well?! You might as well say they have bad taste too.

Like even they acknowledge rap and it’s source, but you can’t?! That’s wild bruh.

See, what they did was took the time out their day to listen and study the masters -some water it down, others elevate themselves and the source- while you hid from the big scary rapper with the guns and tattoos as if them mfkas don’t rap about love, freedom, and healing too.

And if you not into a certain subgenre, you stop being lazy and find another where your rapper maybe wears a knitted sweater, vans, and a fkn beanie and raps the same thing with a different sound. Then again they could surprise you and rap about really fkd up shit too. So you find someone else… LIKE😭

But guess what? If you go off looks -most of ya’ll only want love and light rap from rappers that look a certain way- and what’s only on the radio, you’re still not getting the full scope.

You just didn’t know you liked rap but some ignorance on your part kept you from doing a deep dive.

Just say you didn’t respect us, it took somebody else to make ya’ll respect us which even then you don’t. You just want the culture without the people…

And no there are no guilt resolutions to microaggressions; all you can do is say sorry and never do it again. There is no “what can I say/do next time?” There should be no next time.

If you did it, it’s done. Just don’t do it again.

[bornunderabluemoonbaby]

I don't think someone who looks like they just got off their crack pipe should be able to demand shit from anyone, let alone a professional in her own office.

[thereturnofsusanforeman]

I literally just had an argument with the guy who owns the house I rent a room in. He was saying rappers are less talented than rock musicians, and when I tried say that: 1. there's a difference between calling a genre less talented, and saying you're just not a fan, and 2. there's something that's inherently racial in praising a predominantly (currently) white genre and dismissing a predominantly black and brown genre, he kept saying "But I listened to the black rock n roll artists" which is a bullshit argument, cause he only mentioned them when he didn't want to seem racist, otherwise he only talked about white bands, and also because it's shifted to be considered a more white art form in the public consciousness. Also, he didn't want to acknowledge the point of being talented in different ways. And then, during the argument, he said a bunch of variations of the argument that someone who plays an instrument and sings is more talented than someone who just plays an instrument, which I don't like: 1. because it depends on how well they do both, either separately or together, and 2. Someone shouldn't have to do a shit ton of things for you to consider them talented/original. He also kept interrupting me, which rubs me the wrong way, cause I have a history of people interrupting me without letting me finish the point, and also, it seems like there's something inherently wrong when a man continuously interrupts a woman to tell her about how right he is.

Literally, this guy is a really good summation of old white people vs old black people in regards to rap. I’m white, not black, but whenever I talk to older black people about rap (which hasn’t been a lot) the general consensus is that to do rap well, you need to be talented, and that there’s both good and bad rap out there, and that rappers can be talented, and you can just not be interested in the genre without dissing the talent of people in the genre. When I talk about it with white people, usually older white people, it’s “it’s not good,” or “they aren’t talented like these white artists are,” or something along those lines. And then, when I point out the racial undertones, they’re like “I’m not racist, here are two black artists I listen to.” Usually, when I point out the racial undertones, what I mean is that it’s cruel to write off a bunch of black artists and compare them with the white artists you listen to, just because you don’t like the genre. Usually, the times I’ve talked with older black people, the most negative thing they ever say about rap is that they don’t like it/it’s not for them. It’s just annoying. 

[fbfh]

who wants to hear my unhinged idea for Lucas Friar's backstory?? (full disclosure I haven't watched girl meets world in a minute so take any details with a grain of salt if they contradict canon but they gave us absolutely no information about lucas so probably not) TW: emotionally distant serial cheater father, brief mention of postpatrum depression pain killer addiction and rehab, implied microagressions/racism

okay I'm just gonna jump right in and spill the tea. Pappy Joe Friar raised Lucas's dad, Waylon, on their family's ranch, and his wife died before they could have any more kids. Waylon dreamed of something bigger and went to fancy business school and got a fancy high paying job, completely forgot his roots, and turned into a workaholic jerk. He cheated on his first wife with Lucas's mom Jenna, but they didn't have any kids, so the first divorce was fast and clean. Waylon wanted Jenna to step up as this perfect socialite wife, but between that and trying to take care of a baby practically by herself, it got to be too much for her. between all that and the postpartum depression, she developed a painkiller addiction. Waylon cheated on her with his third wife, but eventually figured out something was wrong and sent her to a rehab and wellness center. In the process, she lost custody of Lucas, and Waylon stopped her from being able to see him or contact him at all to proctect his family's reputation. He had two kids with his third wife when Lucas was a kid, then eventually they divorced due to Waylon cheating on her (yet again) and her stealing money from him. They spend weeks with Waylon and weekends with their mom.

His fourth wife Grace is the one that really stuck, and they have four more kids together. His dad isn't around much, and when he is, things are tense, so Lucas spends as much time at Pappy Joe's ranch as he can get away with. At this point, Lucas has a lot of anger and frustration, but can't do anything about it and can't disobey his father or harm their reptuation, which leaves him being really fucking angry all the time in 6th and 7th grade. His siblings are all too young for him to feel like he can bond with them, his stepmom is nice enough but she's preoccupied with the younger kids and he feels like she doesn't care about him. All this comes to a boiling point when the fight happens. He'd gotten in some scraps before, mostly jumping at any opporunity to stand up to kids getting bullied as an excuse to get out some agression. He already has two strikes on his school's baseball team, but it just doesn't make him feel better like it used to, so he doesn't really care.

It finally reaches a breaking point when some kid with an edgy sense of humor starts making fun of Zay. He doesn't even get a warning, Lucas just loses his shit. The kid ends up in the hospital and Lucas ends up expelled and Waylon ends up with his reputation ruined. So, he punishes Lucas in the only way he knows how to, by dragging his ass to new york. He tells him he got transfered, but he's been spearheading a new york branch of his company for months if not years by now. It's too good of an opportuinity, too much money to turn down, plus he can leave Grace and the rest of the kids in texas (they've been talking about seperating at this point, she's thinking some distance will clear his head). Grace told Waylon that if he takes Lucas away from his friends and his hometown it'll crush him, that he should just let her try to talk to him, maybe let him stay with Pappy Joe for a while. He always does so much better on the ranch than in the city, and Waylon almost agreed. But if there's one thing this man can't do, it's let his son be happy. He doesn't want Lucas to live some slow non glamorous ranch life that he hated growing up, so he takes him to the city.

Pappy Joe had a talk with him before he left, a really serious man to man talk about responsibility, handling anger, knowing when to stop, and learning about what it means to be a man. That talk was one of the most pivotal moments in Lucas's life. He thinks about what Pappy Joe said every day, about the real way to protect the people you love is to make them feel safe around you, about taking responsibility for your actions, about listening to your head and your heart before your impulses. Pappy Joe shaped him into the Lucas we know and love. Knowing that makes it even more meaningful when he does go into Texas mode, because that means he's completely and totally thought it through. He's looked at this from every angle in every way, and has still come to the conclusion that someone needs to get their goddamn ass kicked. The difference between harmless and peaceful is choosing to be peaceful. Lucas Friar is peaceful.

Starting in high school for every trip back to Texas, Lucas is able to make a little bit more peace with Grace, especially when he sees how much all of his little siblings look up to him. He didn't think she cared, he didn't think any of them did. But when he stops by to say hi in person and Grace drops what she's doing and wipes the flour off her hands with a tea towel and pulls him into a tight hug and gasps, "Oh! You've grown so much, let me look at you..." his stomach twists and his throat closes up because that's how Topanga looks at Riley and how Katie looks at Maya and he thinks if for some reason he can't get to Pappy Joe when he has a problem, maybe he can come to Grace. And when all his little brothers and sisters run over to tackle him in hugs and scream about how much they miss him and show him their drawings and legos and the dance they made up, he can only think about Riley and Augie and he realizes Waylon's actions aren't Graces fault or his sibling's fault anymore than they're Lucas's, and maybe his family isn't quite as small and broken as he thought it was.

[wild-wombytch]

Ok, I'll pin this before shits go insane. The TL;DR is that I'll be temporarily uninstalling social medias so I have no idea whether I'll reply to about everything or when. All the following posts on this blog are queued. I'm probably not leaving radblr, just going on hiatus.

Putting the rest under the cut because I feel the best thing to do is being open-hearted and honest. I want to explain the reasoning nobody cares about behind it and I don't want to spam everyone's dash about this : (TW negativity, mental health, trauma dumping?, personal, pretty lengthy, blah)

I'm definitely overdramatic due to my own mental shits, but I'm getting SERIOUS anxiety from my reply to this post about poverty and middle class.

I don't regret it per se. I almost chose to ignore it because this is a painful topic and those who never experienced it wouldn't believe the amount of spits in the face you get from the middle-class as someone poor in the form of about daily microagressions and what trash you interiorize from it (you don't get much from billionaires because they don't even know we exist and they clearly don't frequent us, they fuck with us as a class but not on an individual level). As everything engaged with emotionally, it can quickly become a bomb. Yet, radblr has made (and still makes, we're all WIP after all) me someone less passive and more inclined to speak up. I'll never be grateful enough for that. So I chose to "woman-up" and make my voice heard. As insignificant as it seems. Because no one can talk for me better than myself.

Maybe it's absolutely nothing for a lot of people (and I guess it objectively IS nothing) but it is ENORMOUS for someone battling crippling anxiety (and I'm not choosing the word "crippling" lightly. My mental health literally gives me such tangible physical pains, gluing themselves to my already existing back issues/arthrodesis that I am physically disabled. I am heavily medicated. I am in a day hospital. I recently genuinely considered asking for a full-time internment in a mental hospital for maybe a month or two because I am becoming dangerous for myself and a burden). I used to be so passive, shy and anxious that I wouldn't voice my opinion at all in fear, that's how I got into the TRA movement so obediently. Exactly the example of Solanas about women completely conditioned out of their female power and inner worlds by their fathers, then becoming the emotional rags and handmaiden of every other men. I'm slowly unlearning that. Participating in something like that was part of the process. I don't know if I dose well. If I should dose and not be too "spicy" at all. Probably not. Radfems showed me the key to my shackles and I'm just starting to understand how it works. Yet, now I'm projecting all of my past experiences on this and fear I'm from one hand encouraged in a direction and going to get my neck broken for it from the other as a punishment. I shouldn't care, yet I still do at this point of my journey.

Again, I'm a mental mess. All is a bit blurry and unreasonable when we talk about anxiety/ptsd. I fear I'm going to get terfed out the terves and cancelled, do to speak. And it is oddly terrifying due to the mess I internalized and how highly and gratefully I look at radfems, with my tendency to idealize.

So when I was about 70% of my reply and I rechecked the whole thread to see it was Tepkunset out of all the Tumblr users I was "siding with"...fuck, did I stutter a nervous laugh. When I made this blog, I made a point to avoid interacting with hers, because I also used (and still do, to some degrees) highly look up to her. Like radfems, she is smart, brave and outspoken and I was all starry-eyed for her. She doesn't know of me and would probably block me on sight now (and probably will if that's not already done by seeing my reply), but she had genuinely been a model to me and got me in social justice and to think deeply about a lot of things, including myself as someone existing within bigger systems. I'm not making shits up when I say she changed the course of my life and I wouldn't be here in my journey if it wasn't for her. It was a process for me to actually embrace "heresy" and accept that I disagreed with her, my icon, about gender issues (which is a shame, because I think if cancel culture wasn't such a thing, she would genuinely be an amazing person to debate with). I've never been into celebs cult but that definitely was a close one. That's why I didn't interact with her blog, other than sometimes paying a visit and reblogging through other blogs as to not be blocked by her. Because I genuinely still respect her and want to hear about her thoughts even if I don't necessarily agree with them anymore, and want to see if she's okay and sometimes I rake my drawers to send money her way when life gets Bad™.

So that's some bullshit irony there that I feel torn in my "loyalties" among people I deeply admire yet disagree with and who themselves probably only intereacted with me anecdotally and know of me as much as they know of the flies in their kitchens. So essentially all that noise is in my head only yet what if I told you my back pains that almost miraculously vanished after seeing an osteopath yesterday just came back and now I can't lay on my back at all, no matter how many painkillers I take? Yes, I'm stressing out that bad over a Tumblr post no one cares about. If it was a telenovela it would be one of these scenes where a character is caught between a fight between their current crush and ex and has to pick a side and gets rightfully dumped by both.

So yeah, it also stirred a lot of things I haven't processed yet about my TRA days and even shittier moments of my life. I definitely wasn't ready for that.

I also genuinely internalized that I shine in society by not being very smart or useful or assertive like the women I admire so much. I'm not even sure about what I write, because I have no inner voice, my thoughts happen as I voice them, my brain is barren cotton, a perpetual state of dream. I don't know which of my memories are exact and which are dreams and past thoughts. I have amnesia of full discussions I had and consents I gave and I am completely stunned when people prove me I said something, because, in all good faith, I have not a shred of memory. Maybe a drop of a hazy memory you'd have in a dream. My past self and my current self both seem unreal, like other people. So I stick to ideas I have of my identity, shards of it, labels. I fiercely defend them because they are the only sense of self I perceive at all. Because I don't even feel human outside of thel. So I still have the same fear as during my TRA days that a breeze can make everything crumble. Most women here are very bright, it would take nothing to unmask the lack of ability I have to counter, to emotionally rein myself in, to construct a consistent data-based retort. That's why I was afraid of radfems in my TRA days already.

Anyway, that plus my irl social life being toxic currently makes me cope by going on social medias, which I know are awful for my mental health, yet I persist inflicting that on myself. There are several medical leaves at the day hospital so I'm ~aLoNe~ with my shits. Then you know the shit circle of life it is : not sleeping, not eating, being more anxious, sleeping less, being more anxious, eating less, reflecting too deeply on which way of sabotaging myself is the most reasonable...

So radical times call for radical measures. I'm deleting temporarily all of my apps instead of seeing notifications all the time and obsessively checking if everyone hates me yet or if nobody cares and pondering which is worse by looking at a wall for a whole day trying to not think about SH. That's stupid, and cowardly and pathetic and unfair towards people who reads me and puts thoughts in their replies and it's many other ugly things probably. But if I don't I'll implode. I just want to break the circle of feeling like shit and back pains that ruin my life so I can get back on my legs and maybe tackle one thing at a time. And I quite literally need to touch grass, even if I don't want to see anyone in my irl circles for now.

I don't know if any of this made sense. I'd probably also regret dumping all that tomorrow. Sedation is finally starting to work, so I guess that's why I m so talkative so I'll surf on it, post this, delete everything and pray I'll also forget about this until it randomly pops into my mind and gives me an existential crisis 20y from now. Should I even be given a right to vote and access to internet until I'm fixed? Are those rights part of the reconstruction process and of creating a sense of self?

Idk, I'm just tired. I wish you all well during this time. Radblr is wonderful despite occasional disagreements. I hope we can still be sisters after that and hope you won't think less of me. If you do, well, you're probably right, I also think less of myself every time I dare to exist and open the mouth. I am also the daughter of my father, after all, so I have plenty of reasons to think I deserve my own hatred and other people's.

I said I needed to be honest and open hearted so I've been. That's also why it's the over sharing website I guess? Here's a random gif to conclude this because I don't know what else to say and this is all fairly embarrassing:

[transenbyconfessions]

(tw: transphobia, rasism)

I apologize for venting personal stuff to strangers, but I've felt for some time that I need to get this off my chest.

I'm in my 20s and about a year ago, I finally confronted the fact that I'm trans. Since then, I think that I've slowly become accustomated to this part of myself.

The biggest obstacle for me has become my friend group though.

On one hand, I hold my friends close to my heart. We have known each other for many years and have many shared memories.

On the other hand, since I've realized that I'm trans, it is slowly becoming obvious to me that in some ways, my friends are not treating me well. And the worst part is, that they aren't even aware of it.

I'm still in the closet and when I'm hanging out with them, I frequently hear microagressions and xenophobic opinions targeted towards minorities - how "trans women are not women", " nb people are mentally ill", them saying the n word like it's nothing...

None of these things are targeted "towards me" specifically, but that is only because they still see me as a cis lesbian. And I feel, sadly, that if I lived as my authentic self and they saw me as a stranger on the street/on the internet, they wouldn't treat me any better than the people they hold prejudice to.

It is so isolating to know, deep inside, that the only reason my friends love me is because they don't really see the real me, never have. I only live in their head as a made-up image, and not a real person.

I am surrounded by people, but on the inside, I've never been so lonely.

Submitted May 7, 2023

[mockerycrow]

AWWW THAT WAS SO SWEET 😭😭

don't worry, the word bonnie doesn't bother me, i rlly appreciate you checking in tho

also i know that this sounds like me trying to act tough but I'm being honest here - racist insults don't really bother me anymore. they really got to me when i was a kid, of course they did, but now ppl are just repeating the same stuff over and over again. however when it's stuff like GETTING KICKED OUT OF A FUCKING MALL THAT I WASN'T EVEN IN I WAS LIKE 10 METERS AWAY FROM THE ENTRANCE WITH OTHER WHITE PEOPLE JUST WAITING then yeah, that does get to me a little. not like in a "I'm gonna cry in the shower today" typa way, but in a "i will steal this man's dog and also reset his phone to factory settings" typa way

I APPRECIATE YOUUU

-🦝

tw/ talks about racism

Yeahh, once something is done so much, you eventually get used to it :/ I’ll see all these white people—keyword is white here—say that racism is not as bad today as it used to be, but they don’t realize that they’re talking about the more outward violent racism (which still happens). They don’t realize how many microagressions are thrown at people of color everyday, the marketing techniques to target specifically black communities, or the bills messing with native american lands, or they don’t realize mocking a chinese accent is racist, or how you’re “unexplainable uncomfortableness” around a black person is just very deeply rooted racism that they refuse to acknowledge—

i didn’t mean to go on spree, but i see you 100%. I may not have experienced anything you have, but I’m here for you, raccoon anon. I know you’re used to it, but it’s sucks that you are in the sense of that, that shit never should’ve happened at all!!! god i fucking hate people

[w-meth]

Another update

Tw: Microagressions against trans

[indie-queer-movie-tournament]

Boys Don’t Cry

tw deadnaming in the synopsis below:

Female born, Teena Brandon adopts his male identity of Brandon Teena and attempts to find himself and love in Nebraska.

Letterboxd:

I guess the first things I need to do are note the usual crimes. The film deadnames Brandon Teena, misgenders him, and while it ultimately falls heavily on Brandon's side in a lot of ways, it still fails to equip uneducated viewers with a way to respectfully address and respond to the subject matter. If you think that isn't this film's purpose, my response is merely to point out that its purpose is very obviously to show the horror of the violence against trans people. If it can't do so without enacting microagressions against us in the process, it shouldn't have been made at all. This film casts a cis woman as a trans man, which has the same erasing, hurtful undertones that casting a cis man as a trans woman does, though obviously with different nuances. If this film shows anything, though, it is that the transphobic belief that trans men aren't men is what gets them killed in many circumstances. The film also goes out of its way to show Brandon's dressing in a way that emphasizes his anatomy and suggests that he is somehow artificial.

[atla-confessions]

/760527817924591616/zukos-racist-ass-talking-like-i-guess-your-kind

"talking like" is a colloquial expression that indicates what follows is a summation or a vibe or an approximation rather than a direct quote, similar to "so then he was all like"

But getting to the point,

OMG a propaganda born, bred and fed 16 year old who researched what was considered a dead culture for the last century gets something wrong about it, must be a completely unreformable, unredeemable racist cuck.

Whoa, I didn't say irredeemable, I just said racist? I was just saying he was self-evidently outta pocket there, yapping bout fatherlessness.

I'll fully admit Zuko's words in this case weren't even malicious on Zuko's part (unlike the "peasant" or the "guru goody goody kindergarten" remarks later). Zuko's just ignorant. He don't got internet.

And racists can grow and change. I know lots who became better people, and they'll acknowledge "yeah, I used to be racist." You can be a Good Person who was a former racist. You can't change your past, but everyone can always choose to become a better person, starting today.

I never said Zuko is unreformable, he clearly reforms his ways. He was racist (which wasn't even a big thing in the scale of things), but he's making the effort to grow as a person. You want me to call Zuko a good person? He wasn't one in that scene, but that's not even related to that line. That line isn't damning or that deep, just outta pocket and microagressive. It's his actions and intent that make him a bad person here (he's trying to finish off a genocide). But anyway, Zuko unequivocally becomes a good person later. Future Zuko is a Good Person. #refomativejustice

But. Anyway. This logic... bothers me. Lemme examine it.

Why is a teenager being like "your people wouldn't know what a 'father' is, would they?" at a kid even younger than him who Zuko has societal power over (and who he kidnapped and is taking to be executed so it's not even the main thing in the grand scheme of things) not "racist"?

I could see this argument for, like, when a toddler called me a slur. They have no power over me and were clearly just repeating a word they didn't know from their surroundings. But a teenage who grew up in a racist society has to be given that same immunity even when interacting with a fellow kid from the culture they're being ignorant about?

(Hell, tw personal experience but: When I was in school being called racial slurs or made animal noises at or just being told weird things about my own culture by teenagers who were idiots raised on propaganda in a small town, was that racist, or not since they got those misconceptions from their parents and teachers? When teenagers at my school literally threw rocks at another teenager for being gay, was that homophobic or does it not count because they're brainwashed victims of a homophobic society? We were peers, and they held power over me and exercised it, what am I allowed to call that if "bigot" is off the table now? For what it's worth, many of them aren't bigoted anymore either. They've had their redemption arcs too, and good for them! I'm not about "cancelling" people. People grow. "Racist" is not an inescapable state of people, I hope all racists become former racists instead! Good on Zuko for learning an growing and good on the irl people who did it too!)

X

[wildestdreamcatcher]

I think that Elijah would be very upset with Marley about her being with guys who are only fetishizing her race and the fact that she seems to struggle with internalized racism. I feel like he would want Jude and Marley to be confident in their racial identity and the fact that Marley hates it sm would upset him a lot

TW: Mentions of internalized racism and race fetishization

Elijah really couldn't understand why Marley hated herself so much about her race because it wasn't something she could change. He watched Marley absolutely fry her hair by straightening it so much to fit in, he saw her become the token black girl in some of her friend groups, he watched her become friends with people who were microagressing her, he watched her date people with race fetishes. He heard Marley talk about bleaching her skin because she hated how she looked. Elijah didn't understand it and apart of him felt offended because he didn't really understand this hatred she had and thought that could be towards other black people, he wanted her to be so confident in her features and everything about her so the fact she would rather do something so drastic like damaging her body to fit in, was something he couldn't understand.

@vommitgirl @blowflygrls @sadlonelyyogurt

[mangotortoise]

Done with "When the Reckoning Comes" by LaTanya McQueen.

It was a decent book, but I could tell it was a debut novel. I think there was an over-reliance on showing rather than telling (but when it told like holy shit I was losing my mind over it.) The ending felt a little too jumbled and rushed from my perspective (not bad, very horrifying, just not particularly smooth) so I'll be keeping my eye out for whatever book McQueen writes next to see how the next one turns out because I liked the underlying themes and messages a whole lot (you can't turn a blind eye to the past, we are part of the land we grew up on, etc...I'm not wording this well but there was a melancholy feel in those early chapters when Mira returned to Kipsen, a place she's been trying to run from even though it's woven into the fabric of her existence in many ways.)

Still, this was a very important novel for a lot of reasons, and it was refreshing to hear an "own voices" take on the southern horror genre. TW here for sexual assault, microagressions, and some pretty severe body horror if you do pick up a copy.

Next up will be finishing The Night Strangers (it's good but it's dragging) and An Unkindness of Ghosts (I've read three chapters this morning and Aster is precious and I will fight anyone who looks at her funny.)

[savnofilter]

answering all hawks asks

i choose to answer this separately simply because i think it's important to me and not promote the stigma of “sounding black” or any other stereotypes like that. while there are most common ways such as AAVE (formerly known as ebonics), not everyone from one race will sound and act the same. while i will not ignore that yes, race does sometimes play in how you act or talk, but no one does it the same as another person. to lump us altogether and give us a “look” is degrading and disgusting. black people are not just one person, and if you think a foreign group or culture is lower than yours because it’s not the same, you need to reevaluate yourself. the asks on the topic i will be answering are the ones in regard to this screenshot.

if you guys didnt read in the post, some people made some distasteful ignorant comments about important black community topics. as someone from the black community, many things in and outside of our community has bothered me. whether it be racism, colorism, police brutality etc. i am the biggest believer and supporter of uniting the black community no matter what hair texture, what their kids will look like or how dark their skin is -- and it doesnt just stop there.  

-> on the topic of the black community, here are some BLM petitions 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.

+ protest safely 1, 2!

-> Zeno Robinson is such an amazing man, and not to mention he also went to the premiere dressed as hawks. his adoration for the characters he plays always shines through, no matter what role you put him in. you may have seen him in young justice as victor stone (cyborg), kimetsu’s no yaiba genya shinazugawa and many more! the way he embodies the characters he plays should never EVER be shadowed because of his skin color. this is for every black voice actor too. if anyone wants to make poor “jokes” about him not “sounding black” then you go fuck a fork. zeno did not show up to sound black, he showed up to play a character (which he does sUPERBLY at, and this is coming from someone who doesnt like hawks). if you think any type or form of stereotyping is okay, then i ask you kindly to escort yourself from my blog and never look back. i dont want your support. 

-> i have heard about the Miruko (with her v.a Anairis Quinones) situation, so i will be touching on that too since both of “doesnt sound black” and “sounds white” has been tossed around. theres a BIG difference between not liking someone’s voice, and relating it back to their skin color. i can see the point of we were expecting more of a more punchier tone (saying this because of the relation and excitement like we’ve seen in her interactions with bakugo) but if youre saying she sounds white, you can go eat a spoon. again, Zeno and Anairis didnt show up to “act” their race. they showed up for the job, and were hired for it. i love both of their voices so much and i love them, they dont deserve this.

i love my people, and i will stand for them because it's the right thing to do. i want my followers to see and understand why it's important to be aware of the different communities around them. without further adieu, i will get started. everything is under the cut (answered from oldest to the newest)!

TW: pseudo racism (microaggression), fandom discourse.

*Hawks’ English V.A (Zeno Robinson) & Hawks for reference. 

*Miruko’s English V.A (Anairis Quinones) & Miruko for reference.

~ Asks I’ve answered that I think are insightful on the Hawks situation (1, 2) ~

Anonymous said:

I would like to add onto the Hawks situation if that's ok? For those who don't know, Zeno Robinson is a black man and voices Hawks. When his English voice was revealed in trailers A LOT of fans commented how PERFECT his voice was. So Zeno literally embodies what makes Hawks' Hawks for some people. Also fans have also compared and drew Hawks as Egyptianesque gods. So to sit down and say/accept someone saying things like 'he doesn't sound black' and 'George [FLOYD] is a regular dude' is not only

A microagression and a blantant show of lack of compassion/support for a character that is a part of your safe space if you come home and thirst about hawks, but don't want to make your safe space 'political' by posting about police brutality. I'm not trying to make this explanation too 'political' but fans have to think what it's like for Hawk's VA to see someone like him getting murdered almost everyday in media for no acceptable reason and then have fans that choose to turn the other way.

- this is exactly the right point. people will not open their eyes to see what is wrong here. whether it be mocking a black actor’s voice acting, an ignorant comment about George Floyd, or ignoring black petitions to help the community. its subtle shit like that gives us and let’s us know that there is still ignorance and that these people dont hide it. it's disrespectful and disgusting. 

the writer’s who said the George Floyd comment has since now apologized, but god that makes me so angry. people actively make a safe space that is supposed to be for EVERYONE not welcome by promoting stuff like that. its gross, it's disgusting, and people need to see that theyre actions are wrong. furthermore, if anyone thinks inappropriate race “jokes” are somehow funny, i will not be associating. i will not waste me energy on people who refuses to get the point.

Anonymous said:

Bro Zeno is an angel and hawks voice is fucking phenomenal, it's the only dubbed voice I've ever liked tbh. They don't deserve him. and WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT I'M SORRY HUH

- I FUCKING KNOW! letting that shit slide is beyond fucking disrespectful. i dont fucking like hawks but i will absolutely fight for zeno. that disrespectful isnt “not important” -- these people are actively ruining safe spaces for fucking everyone! let me be fucking damned if thats not “important enough” for you. 🙄

Anonymous said: 

If you like Hawks at all, The LEAST you can do is not say or stand for things like 'George [FLOYD!!] is just a regular dude' and 'his voice doesn't sound black'. Don't be a part of the reason that makes Zeno's daily life and experiences harder than what they should be. 3/3 This goes for the amazing Mirko as well but I'll stop for now.

THIS!

seeing stuff that is hurtful, and it is damaging. people need to wake up and realize that anything can trigger anyone for any reason. people need to wake up and realize that “it’s not important” BECAUSE IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO MANY PEOPLE! considering everything that is happening, this type of stuff will be deep rooted into someone who comes across it. i know what it's like to be blind about color until one situation flips your thinking on a switch.

for the Miruko situation, i remember seeing stuff about it. people need to understand that people are their own out of their skin color. we are people are people out of our skin color. let that sink in. if you dont like their voices outside of expecting them to sound “black” then that is completely fine. if its racially charged there is no excuse.