#tw dementia mentions

[tea-and-secrets]

My mother was just diagnosed with dementia. It wasn't a surprise, we all knew it was going to be something like that (and I'm glad it isn't cancer like I was worrying about), but it feels so awful to actually have it confirmed. I mean, she's not even 65 yet and already going. I feel like I'm already mourning her, because she's not the person I knew anymore. I don't know what that makes me - if that's just normal or if I'm being weird about it. She could have years left, but what will those be like? How long will my dad be able to care for her, and what happens when he can't?

Man.

I just had to say it somewhere, I guess.

<3

[arlecchinasmainblog]

More Epic Angst

It’s the middle of the night and shouting can be heard from the king’s chambers.

“Get your wretched hands off of me! I am done enacting your vile fantasies!”

It’s happening again.

“Odysseus, my king, my love, it is I, Penelope.”

But he couldn’t recognize that. Not now anyway.

“You are not! You are not! Cease veiling yourself as my wife you evil witch!”

Despite his wife’s gentle words, he couldn’t see her as he rocked in the fetal position; squinting his eyes shut as if he were a child hiding from an imaginary monster.

“Why must you take joy in tormenting me! I just want to go home! I just want to be home!”

The poor man cried in vain. And all his wife could do was weep. For she could not help her husband escape the prison of his confabulated captor. She could not free him from the prison of his own mind.

[halfdent]

NOTE:  THIS  VERSE  IS  PREDOMINANTLY  REEVES  SITUATED  BUT  CAN  BE  ADAPTED  FOR  NOLAN  VERSE  .  &&  EVERYTHING  IS  SUBJECT  TO  CHANGE  AS  OF  THE  COURSE  OF  THE  PENGUIN  SERIES  OR  FILMS  RELEASES

𝙿𝚁𝙾𝙻𝙾𝙶𝚄𝙴:  Age  45  DA  of  Gotham  City  Harvey  Dent  was  making  a  name  for  himself  ,  having  prosecuted  the  terrorist  THE  RIDDLER  /  SCARECROW  (  in  Nolan  )  .  He  has  been  adorned  the  affectionate  name  'Apollo'  by  the  general  public  .

Before  his  death  Carmine  Falcone  was  the  focal  point  of  Harvey's  career  ,  his  next  biggest  case  ,  after  years  of  trying  to  condemn  him  behind  bars  .  Now  he  will  have  to  settle  for  the  mobster's  heir  .  Alberto  .  /  IN  THIS  PROLOGUE  HARVEY  CAN  BE  SEEN  WORKING  IN  COURT  ,  ATTENDING  FANCY  GALAS  && PUBLIC  APPEARANCES  .

l  .  Tempering  with  crime  families  have  their  consequences  ,  in  this  case  a  vile  of  acid  to  the  face  while  prosecuting  a  known  of  associate  to  the  mob  .  The  new  Falcone  crime  family  ,  wanting  to  show  Dent  that  things  have  evolved  since  "  Freak  Crime  "  started  in  Gotham  City  with  Edward  Nashton  .

Dent  ,  fighting  to  keep  his  place  in  public  office  after  being  brutally  disfigured  by  the  prosecuted  during  a  trial  .  The  office  is  destitute  to  try  &&  make  the  District  Attorney  see  reason  &&  stand  down  .  To  which  he  refuses  .

At  home  his  marriage  to  Gilda  is  failing  terribly  after  it  is  revealed  they  had  lost  their  unborn  daughter  to  a  rare  complication  in  her  pregnancy  .

Frequently  visits  to  the  care  home  reveals  that  Harvey's  father  has  dementia  &&  it's  worst  stages  .  Still  he  confides  in  Harvey  is  silver  two-headed  coin  .

Harvey  begins  to  suffer  from  frequent  blackouts  ,  those  to  which  he  had  significantly  less  of  in  comparison  to  his  very  disturbed  childhood  .  &&  a  familiar  voice  begins  to  beckon  him  again  ,  reminding  him  of  his  disturbed  childhood  with  his  abusive  father  ,  how  the  coin  two-headed  coin  was  used  in  a  cruel  game  of  abuse  by  his  father's  hand  .

In  time  these  blackouts  lead  to  out-burts  ones  that  terrify  his  wife  ,  && worry  that  of  his  co-workers  .  When  Harvey  inevitably  meets  his  replacement  the  council  suggesting  that  "THE  JOB  WAS  PROVING TOO  STRESSFUL"  for  him  .  &&  Gilda  leaving  a  home  with  a  letter  threatening  a  divorce  .  Harvey  is  left  with  little  more  than  an  empty  home  &&  a  petious  offer  to  become  the  new  DA's  assistant  .  To  which  his  over-contentious  replacement  dares  to  call  him  a  ' TWO-FACED FREAK '  when  Harvey  still  proves  to  be  the  more  competent  lawyer  of  the  two  of  them  ;  when  provoked  TWO-FACE takes  stead  &&  attacks  him  .  The  council  have  no  choice  but  to  lay  him  off  of  work  .

||.  With  everything  he  ever  worked  for  snatched  away  Harvey  and  Two-Face  have  no  choice  but  to  take  matters  into  their  own  hands  .  This  part  explores  the  transition  from  Gotham's  Apollo  to  villain  while  Harvey  exacts  revenge  and  attempts  to  expose  the  corrupted  District  Attorney  in  his  place  and  outmatch  those  who  forced  him  out  of  his  own  livelihood  by  beating  them  in  their  own  game  .  Eliminating  the  criminals  of  Gotham  though  with  a  sense  of  justice  he  gives  them  a  chance  that  no  one  ever  gave  him  . A COIN FLIP . A CHANCE .

[ajokeformur-ray]

I've worked in a care home for almost three years now and it still breaks my heart to hear residents on the dementia unit, in their 80s and 90s, call out for their parents.

It's even worse when they become lucid for a moment and start screaming because they remember their parents are dead and they have to grieve for the first time all over again.

Either situation is the soundtrack I have to listen to seven hours a day, and it's haunting.

[theoi-crow]

Hey there, hope you're doing well! This may be a little bit of a sensitive ask (tw pet death) so please feel free to ignore it, but I was wondering if there were any myths about what happens to our pets when they pass, and/or how to honor them. I was thinking of having a little mini altar for my dog, and to give dog treats as offerings, but I wasn't sure if that was proper. Thanks in advance!!

I'm so sorry for your loss…

The ancient Greeks and Romans loved their dogs a lot and although there aren't a lot of stories about dogs in ancient mythology, we've found a lot of graves and epithets written by grieving owners who had to bury their dogs. Here's an example of one:

"I am in tears, while carrying you to your last resting place as much as I rejoiced when bringing you home in my own hands fifteen years ago."

Here are the rest: (LINK)

Here's a bit more on how the ancient Greeks cherished and loved their dogs. Plato even called them the greatest philosophers because they knew the difference between good and bad people: (LINK)

"The dog was a companion, protector, and hunter for the Greeks and the spiked collar…was invented by the Greeks to protect the necks of their canine friends from wolves." Source: (LINK)

So as you can see, dogs were very important to the ancient Greeks and they memorialized their dogs too so it's okay to put him on your altar. It won't be disrespectful and the gods will understand.

Here are examples of what they'd often look like:

To talk a bit more about my own grieving experience as a Hellenic polytheist and grieving my dog I hope it's okay if I tell you a bit about my own little dog who I lost this past March:

Mourning a dog is so hard because their love for us is so sincere and pure. They love fiercely and protect us as much as they can even when they're so much smaller than whoever they are challenging (my dog was a tiny Maltese Poodle but boy did that dog loved to bark and try to protect me.)

His death came a lot earlier than we expected, he got early onset doggy dementia also known as canine cognitive decline, which is very similar to human dementia.

He began to forget who we were and his health took a nosedive a few months before he passed. We chose to put him down before he got to the final stage (seizures) because as someone who grew up taking care of someone with seizures, I knew he was going to be in excruciating pain. But because he also had dementia he didn't know who we were so I knew he'd be very scared and in excruciating pain with less than a year to live.

Two weeks before his final appointment he lived like a king. He ate all his favorite foods and treats, watched Hamilton everyday (his favorite character was George Washington) and we had the vet come to our apartment so he would be very comfortable since he hated going to the vet.

The Aftermath:

Mourning the loss of a loved one is hard and although we're all familiar with feeling sadness when we grieve, no one ever talks about the guilt and rage that might come over you during your grieving process.

I was angry at my gods

I didn't even know why, I just was. I was mad at them, myself, my spouse, my school, my neighbors, I just wanted to be left alone. But because I was angry at my gods, my Catholic guilt kicked in and I felt guilty for being angry with my gods. I was spiraling because I was trying not to be angry and trying so hard to be sad instead.

But that's when Apollo showed up and I had an honest conversation with him about the guilt behind how I was grieving:

He told me that anger is a natural part of the mourning period. Not everyone will grieve the same but being angry with your gods is normal because when we lose someone who we loved so much there will be a flood of emotions that we didn't know we would feel and forcing them to express in only a sad way keeps you from truly processing your grief. My anger was a part of my grieving process, and so was my confusion and denial of having lost my dog. This was all normal.

I was so overwhelmed with my feelings of rage, guilt, and shame that we left home for a week so I could be away from my altar, my gods and from finding the many dog bones my dog hid before passing.

I desperately needed a break from my gods and they understood.

They weren't upset with me. They knew how much my dog meant to me and how much I loved him, so we left and I was able to process my emotions outside of my home. Prior to this I never understood why people in shows and movies needed to go on a trip when they suffered a loss but after my dog passed I was overwhelmed with the desire to be in nature. To be with Gaia, to be with Demeter. (Two gods I don't normally work with but I desperately needed)

It's okay to go through your own grieving process as it comes. To accept your feelings as they are.

It's okay to feel angry when you're grieving. It's also okay to be angry at your gods because they understand you're grieving. And finally, it's okay to memorialize your dog in whatever way brings you the most comfort.

My dog's little box sits on my altar. He gets his treats and has an electric candle we make sure never turns off. I often mentally see him sitting on Ares' lap or playing fetch with Hermes. He hangs out with my gods and I know my gods don't hold my grieving process against me. They know losing a dog was hard for the ancient Greeks and it's still hard for their modern followers because losing someone who loves you so unconditionally and accepts you for who you truly are without judgment is the hardest thing to do. I wanted to share this with you so you can grieve freely and honor your dog in whatever form brings you the most comfort. The gods understand and they will grieve with you & be there for you.

I personally believe all dogs go straight to the Elysian Fields because dogs are our greatest heroes.

[the-bite-of-87-lol]

Vent? Below idk-?

I'm scared , I have really bad memory

People joke about me having dementia or amnesia. I'm scared of having either, more specifically dementia, I'm pretty sure amnesia can be fixed? But not so much for dementia.

I can't remember well, but I'm terrified of not remembering at all, I wouldn't be me-, I wouldn't be us? I'm terrified, I'm so scared. I don't want to forget my friends and family, I don't want to forget myself, I don't want to forget how to live and do things.

I'm terrified, dementia is terrifying. I'm terrified of memory things, because maybe I'm forgetting something important? Maybe I'm forgetting something that could hurt me? Or Haas hurt me

I'm scared of forgetting but I forget everything important

I can't even live on my own because I forget to do things, I can barely remember to eat and shower. I can't even remember math that will help me in the future, nor did i learn it?

I can't remember much, but I'm terrified of forgetting what I do know. I don't want to forget, I wish I had a better memory.

I'm so scared of growing old and not being able to do anything or remember anyone or anything

Who would I be without my special interests? Who would I be without having lived the life I do now? I'm scared. I want to remember the good, the bad, everything

I wouldn't like remembering the bad, but I feel it'd be important to learn from them, If I forgot / forget them like I do now, how could I learn? I wouldn't. I'm terrified, someone save me from this fucking disease.

[shizucheese]

6 years ago we had to put my dad in a nursing home.

He had dementia and it had progressed to the point where he needed a level of care he could not get at home.

And I felt so powerless. My dad and I weren't close, by any means, but still had to watch my mom watch the person she had been with since she was 23 basically die twice.

And that's the origin story of how I started streaming, because at least then it felt like I was doing something. Like if I could someday get to the point where I could make money from it, maybe I could use it to help my mom, who was incredibly stressed about money at the time (nursing homes are expensive, y'all).

Well, my dad died in April of 2021, and I didn't make affiliate on Twitch until this past July. My platform is still small, but it's there, and once again I'm feeling helpless. And once again I'm turning to streaming to try and make some kind of impact.

I've always wanted to have a long enough list of charities that I could fund raise for a different organization every month. Thanks to resources that people have been passing around in the wake of November 5th, combined with the small list of organizations that were already on the list because they are personally important to me, I now have a list that gets me through August. If anyone has any recommendations for organizations to fill in at least September and October, I would greatly appreciate it; if nothing else I can always raise money for the Greater Chicago Food Depository in November and December like I am this year. My only requirements be that they are legitimate organizations that do good work for marginalized people, and use their money well, and are or can be available to raise money for via Twitch or Tiltifiy, for accessibility purposes. Also October is ADHD Awareness so if possible I would prefer an organization related to that, preferably one that provides resources for adults with ADHD and not just children/ people in school. I know that's probably incredibly specific but it's also something incredibly important to me and I feel super lost on where/ how to find what I'm looking for, if it even exists.

Thanks so much to anyone who can help out in whatever way they can. Let's get through this together. Current fundraising schedule (also open for feedback):

January: Trans Lifeline

February: National Runaway Safeline

March: National Domestic Violence Hotline

April: Alzheimer’s Research Association

May: Rape Abuse and Incest National Network

June: The Trevor Project

July: Greater Chicago Food Depository

August: PAWS Chicago

September: ?

October: ? (Preferably something ADHD related)

November: ? (Greater Chicago Food Depository?)

December: ? (Greater Chicago Food Depository?)

[ethereal-bumble-bee]

One Minute of Silence (Based off of Everywhere at the End of Time)

Note: just some feelings and stuff I wanted to get out, lol (this isn’t a vent on my part necessarily, just some emotional writing, it’s not even in my perspective lol). This is based off of the project “Everywhere at the End of Time”, so major warnings for dementia, Alzheimer’s, grief, memory loss mentions, and death. Please read with caution— love y’all!!!

(p.s.— the “one minute of silence” won’t make sense unless you know the project, but you don’t have to listen to it to know, you can just look it up. Again, listen with caution 👍)

Your limbs are stiff and still; the robotic, dull movements of a man whose soul is long dead but whose body won’t accept it. It’s been so many years, so many years… Why are you still holding on?

Your memories are quickly fading into distorted static and distant space, blurred and hazy. How long have you been in the darkness?

Family, friends, lovers— you had them, right? Who were they? Why can’t you remember their names? 

Some people are fortunate enough to be left in the past, reliving their childhoods in the husk of a body they used to have. Why do you have to go back? You can’t shake the feeling that you’ve been here before.

Have you forgotten even how to speak kindly? Your words come out angry, harsh, twisted curses flying from a brain that’s long since lost its filter. You don’t mean it. They know you don’t mean it.

They miss you. Sometimes, they come to stay with you… did they visit today? For who should you be waiting to walk into the room?

A dull thumping noise breaks through the chaos. Is it God, knocking on your door to call you home? The nurse strides through the door, a bored look on her face and an orange bottle of pills in hand. It’s six p.m.— time for your memantine.

Of course they’re not coming to visit. They stopped showing up years ago, when you could no longer recognize their faces.

Did you know, when you were young and healthy, that it would come to this? Mama, Papa, every soul before you, none of them had to die alone. You can’t remember the names of the people who should be here, holding your hand. Your fingers are gnarled, scratched. You’re tired.

The pills don’t work. Nothing works. You’re a shell of who you used to be… who did you used to be? Will you ever be that person again, the one who knew who they were, knew where you were at and why you were there and the time of day and the name of your doctor and your favorite color and your favorite music and how you wanted to die.

A burst of clarity. Is it gone? Are you free? Finally, you remember, you know. Oh, what a joyous day, you want to go home—

One minute of silence. In memoriam.

[queendeeshorrorimagines]

08/14/2024

Tw: Depression, Caregiving, Dementia, Strokes, hospice, covid, mentions of physical and verbal abuse.

It's been quite a bit since I last been on here. I apologize for not being around a lot this year. I know most of you either thought i dissappeared or i gave up on this blog completely, i can understand both sides. 2024 has been hell for me, especially the last three months.

The man who raised me from the time I was 5 years old isn't doing well. His most recent stroke discovery was June 16th of this year. We took him to the ER because he was in extreme pain to the point he couldn't move. That's when my family found out he had a recent stroke that caused neglect on the left side of his body. He spent about a month total between the hospital and inpatient rehab to try to regain his mobility the best he could.

He got out on July 11th, with having at home physical and occupational therapy coming by multiple times a week. He was starting to do pretty well with using his left arm and leg but then came the lack of sleep and the moodswings.

The moodswings wasn't normal for him. He normally doesn't yell and berate me, my cousin, nor my mother. He was the kind of person who would cut the fool but wasn't verbally abusive towards his favorite women in his life. He has never called me a bad name in my entire life until he got back from. Hes never physically hurt me in my life until recently. It was as if there was a blank look on his face as he was pulling my hair for dear life. I know it's not him but it's still fucked me up to see this man that was my hero do such a thing.

It was so bad that we had to call emergency services on the 6th of this month because he wouldn't let us take him to the hospital to get him checked out for his breathing issues. He ended up having covid. We don't know where he got it from and at this point all we wanted was for him to get better. It was suggested to us to look into hospice care given how his agitation was worse than before and that it could be Dementia.

He got home this past Sunday with the original plan for my family to talk to a social worker that was in charge of the home therapy to get him back on and to explore further options with hospice.

Between Sunday and Monday morning before the representative arrived, he was forgetting who my mom and I were at one point. He barely ate any food. He wasn't doing well and we realized that it wasn't having covid. We decided that it was best to put him in home hospice and make whatever time he has left as peaceful as we could make it.

My hero was officially in hospice on Tuesday. It kills me to see him decline so quickly. This man was more of a father to me growing up compared to my biological father. Seeing him fade away in this way has been making me depressed for the past three months.

I've cried almost every day for the past three months. If I'm not crying, I disassociate into becoming completely numbed to everything. I barely sleep, I'm lucky to eat two meals a day, it's usually one meal and a small snack. I don't remember the last time I genuinely laughed or smiled. My under eyes were so red that it was extremely painful to cry but I couldn't stop tearing up.

In my gut, I doubt that he's going to make it by the end of this year. I know putting him in hospice is the best thing for him, he wouldn't want his favorite women to be going through this. I know he wouldn't want me to be this depressed, he would want me to enjoy the good times we had as a family.

I had a mental breakdown around my biological father to the point he was talking to me for half an hour to try to calm me down and console me the other day. I still haven't told my managers about what's going on yet because I honestly don't want to break down completely in front of them.

I'll try to be on the best I can to keep everyone updated with the occasional fic.

[villainous-redemption-au]

How did you meet dementia black hat

Note that Dementia was experimented on and lived in a test tube for the first 4 years of her time at Black Hat organizations, and she's been at BH. Org for 10 years. So she's been an actual member for 6 years

[rxtroskull]

//Okay, i’m going to be completely and openly honest about where the hell I have been for the past few months and why I haven’t been posting very frequently on tumblr.

I urge you to scroll away if you do not want to read, this is just me explaining my situation and why I have been inactive

Sorry for not explaining anything sooner but, my personal business is my personal business, and I choose whether or not to disclose it. I ask for no sympathy or condolences, but for patience and understanding for as so why I have been sporadic.

Trigger warning for mentions of death, dementia, and mentions of car accidents

My uncle and my nana both consecutively died in 2023 when I had started the fall semester. My nana having died in october, and my uncle having died in december, the day before christmas eve.

I was an absolute wreck when my Nana had passed away and when I found out I literally couldn’t function normally for weeks. On top of my Nana’s funeral I was also swamped with my fall semester’s finals. All but three of my teachers were not very understanding about me missing homework assignments due to my grief, I couldn’t even focus on mourning my Nana Agan because I had several things due and I couldn’t be caught slacking.

When winter break rolled around I thought I would be able to catch a break and work on writing to distract myself more (I was already trying to distract myself by talking to my discord friends and writing through there) but on december 23rd, my mother recieved news that my uncle, who had very recently gotten into a hit and run accident and got diagnosed with late stage dementia, died. In the time leading up to his death me and my family were being run ragged trying to take care of him. I had to learn to lock my doors at night due to the fact he would randomly barge in thinking me and my brother’s rooms were the bathroom or his room, and even before winter break and my big move-out in august, I’ve had to be wary in case my uncle decided to wake up in the middle of the night and refuse to go back to bed. My cousin (his son) had finally gotten him to a nursing home after my family had been driven absolutely insane, and not even a couple days after he was admitted, he died.

I couldn’t even cry at his funeral, that’s how spent I was after everything. I still tried to remain positive, tried to remain active, but everything kind of just fell by the wayside and I only remained active on the discords I frequented.

And now i’m here, in the last semester of my freshman year, acrambling to finish my spring finals with 29k in student loan debt with only a few things posted to my other blogs to prove that I’m not dead. It’s been a rough several months, but things are starting to get better. I’m trying to heal and get better so I can work on the things I love, so hopefully at least by May or June i’ll be able to come back here without many issues.

Thank you for sticking around, I love you guys, and I’ll be okay, I promise.

Be safe everyone.

[mynamesnotdahlia]

What is it going to be like when Simon gets to the later stages if he cant die!

This is something i was obsessed with when first coming up with everything. I think that Simon is immortal specifically in the way that he will keep going until something kills him, so he can be killed but he will not die a natural death yknow? I think that his immortality stops him from progressing to stage 7 because stage 7 of dementia is endstage, it is when your body is shutting down and getting ready to die practically so I don't think his immortal body Can really progress to that, but that doesn't mean he gets off scot free. It means that he gets stuck at stage 6 which is around where you would place Ice King if you were to prescribe Ice King to a stage of dementia, and he is Very Ice King reminiscent at this point, he's confused and can't remember very much besides very Very brief moments of lucidity, like Ice King had with moments like how his journals and newspapers are still noted to be wet with tears in "I Remember You" showing that Ice King at least for a moment understood their significance, but that's the clearest he ever got. Simon is very Ice King like and everyone around him can see that and when he is lucid however brief he can see it, I have only briefly mentioned it but Simon's PTSD around being Ice King doesn't treat him kindly with coping. The progression is slowed by his immortality so he stays in stage 4 for a decade or longer rather than a couple years, he is lucid for a pretty long time so he does have time to cope with this change but there's never going to be Enough time. Stage 5 also lasts quite a long time and then stage 6 is pretty much his wall, he doesn't progress to stage 7. Alzheimers is usually a life limiting condition but immortality throws that out the window.

He is still very very loved, as much/more than Ice King in later seasons was though. He's very different than his normal self and he has a lot of trouble with his symptoms (I have a lot of thoughts about sundowning and wandering for him) but he is able to be fairly content even if hes quite unsure where he is, or who these lovely people around him are. It's a good thing that quite a few people around him are also somewhat immortal like PB and Marcy.

[methylphenidatedreams]

my dream last night had multiple parts that were all scrambled together, but i'll try to tell it chronologically.

okay, so: the justice league were on a mission on a spaceship/satalite, which the robins running amok through the station. and by "robins" i mean they were literally all called robin and were there as even younger kids because the "main" robin, or the one that the justice league thought was the only robin was a fairly young jason. there was also two infants dressed up like robin that had gotten toted around through this mess in a hover/drone pram. the robins were supposed to have been planting explosives throughout the ship but had gotten into trouble and scattered. the justice league found jason tied up in wires, missing half his explosives, and with two babies hovering over him and batman just sighs. so loud.

okay, part two: the infants have grown up into kids now and are running around getting into adventures with doctor who. their mom is donna noble who is still missing her memories. one day she follows them into the tardis and manages to convince herself that it's actually just a themed elevator that takes her to different levels like in a haunted mansion. anyways the "level" she is taken to is a destroyed castle in the middle of a hellscape where she meets the doctor who is wearing a crown made out of candlesticks and holding a candelabra while being chased by a dragon, so he is then nicknamed "candlestick man" by donna.

she manages to get back her memories, probably because of something to do with the dragon's egg, but because her memory has been so tampered with she gets like, dementia i guess and won't be able to remember the context of big emotional moments with her kids. but it also might have something to do with the doctor because one time when she's trying to pick up the twins (who are probably off fighting crime with their siblings let's be real) but forgets where she was supposed to get them at and starts walking through the park looking for them and finds, near where the viewer (me) just saw something disappear from the area. anyways, donna walks along the edge of a hill and sees on the shadow a giant stickman made of ribbons pinned to the grass. she looks at the stickman and feels the same discomfort you feel looking at chalk outlines of bodies and she knows that A) something terrible has happened and B) the doctor was involved.

donna continues walking until the ridge flattens out again and there is a tent some distance away. donna crawls into the tent and sees it's empty, but feels that if she keeps going all the way to the back she will find something or someone that's hidden in space and time. she keeps crawling but feels something grab her ankle and yank her back but i woke up before i could find out what it was

misc parts of the dream:

-the doctor had heart problems and went to a hospital that specifically treated space or magic related ailments

-a one point the robins (including the twins) decided to climb into cages so the 13th doctor could kick them around an abandoned department store because that's fun i guess?

-it was 13 who was in the tent in another time

-in the dragon hellscape there was screaming out in pain. his name was Abraham A something but he went by abe. he was of pakistani decent and some british government agency was using him to track down the doctor. at first he had done so willingly but now he regretted it and wanted to help the doctor and the nobles

-i don't know what the twins names and genders are (i thought they were a boy and a girl but the doctor liked to refer to them as "the girls!"). but they both had brown hair and light skin. there was one with a ponytail who was taller than the one with short hair.

-if i remember anything else i'll add it

[richardsphere]

Leverage Redemption Log: The Jackal Job

Name unlikely to refer to an actual jackal, an animal that is one of the most common aliases for fictional phantom-thief types (probably slightly after "cat" and before "fox" but i dont have any hard data) --- Episode starts, nice old lady is wondering why a man, presumably her son, or one of those court-apointed guardians is stealing her stuff. Fuck its going to be about Elderly Abuse.

As of right now, its not entirely clear as to wether he is an asshole who is exploiting a dementing relative, legitimately trying to take care of her but struggling financially because fuck the economy is just never gonna recover from the multiple financial collapses we've suffered or outright gasslighting her into believing she is suffering dementia. 2/3 options would make him evil and this is leverage so im not holding out hope for him being misunderstood. so like, probably evil with maybe a 2.5% chance of a "he's trying his best and just really shit at showing it". But yeah, this is leverage. He's a baddie, question is just if he's exploiting his mom, or feigning a relation so he can go to the judge and say "she's so far gone, she doesnt recognise her son (who i definitlly am)" --- Episode starts: Breanna is forced to do community service cause she was caught stealing something. (this is our "juror number 6" plot for Breanna.) Take your time, slow down, pay attention to details. Well nice to see Sophie give the crux of this episode away in her first 3 lines of the episode. and she just picked Breanna's pocket. She's an old thief. (wonder if she and Archie ever hung out...) Sophie spots the ring, then the Astonomers by Vermeer and realises instantly that she knows this woman. (also, does the son know that is the genuine Vermeer he's gonna sell, or does he think its one of those gift-store Mona Lisa's? Cause if he doesn't, he's in for the worst deal of a century) --- Alzheimer's... Well guess im going to be feeling a lot less witty writing this log then most. Thats not something i'd like to joke about too much. Ok, Hinkley is not his son, he's a professional guardian. --- just a side-note that we'd better end this episode with at least an alusion to Breanna having hacked whatever servers are tracking her community service, cause she's kind of about to build up a truancy on that stuff. Like i know that "caring for an elderly or disabled person" is the type of stuff that could be court appointed community service, but this was not the task she was court appointed

Sophie is pulling the "im your replacement" card. Jackal picks up quickly. --- Ok the team is all here now, You're being stupid. She's here because she fell in love with the mark, (who is probably but not guaranteed to be her power of attorney). Her last con was a failure or at least not a known success. Looking for the one thing that she stole that was never returned isnt gonna solve anything because she isnt known to have stolen it. --- Ok the little Edie con is working? Basically a violin-sale but Parker is the Violin. Breanna has experience with elderly Alzheimers patients (grandma) We're doing Leverage Crew-ified Flashbacks again... (this is gonna hurt on an emotional level)

Oh i can see where the twist is gonna happen: Josephine was the mark (bars real owner=safe's real owner=safe combination knower)... And Jo, former bar-owner, fled the country alongside her to escape her gangster ex and started a coffee shop in this town. Oops, Breanna just all-but confirmed the first half of my suspicions (which this early in the episode, means im wrong) --- Harry has a little conductors hat amongst his stuff... Oh look at that, he just said the judge gets first pick of his stolen goods... the judge has the gun (and a heck of a scandal it'd be if a judge was found in posession of stolen goods... and a stolen gun belonging to a founding father at that...) Lovely work on the tiny mirror-box (that she definitly hadnt arranged to be there in advance), Elbow bruises. (chances she didnt "donate" the gun cause it was used in the murder of a london gangster named Earl increasing rapidly) --- The painting, find the painting. "prefect never lasts forever"

they had a daughter.

and all was fine until the papertrail caught up to them. (the daughter... She might be our way out) --- get the judge (noted antiques lover) to overhear that the Turlington Pistol was amongst her posessions, divide and conquer. the money was in the car. (i was a bit suspicious when Jo said "its got a couple hundred worth of tips" when they were running away. But i justified it as her being too good a citisen to steal from Earl) --- Tip for showrunners: If you want to start a comercial block on a cliffhanger, dont have it be an attempted murder of our still-alive narrator. It sort of undermines the tense suspension.

so she shot earl (unsuprising.) Back in the modern day we're headed for a warehouse and Jackal is lifts the gun so we can frame Sophie for stealing the gun so they can steal a fake back from Sophie.

Ok not so much a fake (they didnt have time to prep one) as just placing a made in china sticker on the real and genuine article. (amazingly simple act of brilliance)

Parker's reputation is worth its weight in gold. (a personal favour from someone who started this season by stealing 8 Rembrandts in a single night in multiple museums across the entire United States, is worth a lot compared to a contract with a small-time purveyor of stolen goods. Whodathunk?)

Oh they did pull an entire switch with the gun. (honestly, after the little Made In China sticker reveal, the fact they pulled a genuine switch with a store-bought replica instead of a simple sticker-sleight-of-hand is suddenly quite disapointing, especially as we know the fence was on their side anyways.)

Im going to be honest and say that the Jo acress doesnt have the most convincing elderly wig. (also they kept the plushie) ---

[inxthexshadowxofxdeath]

(Amar Chadha-Patel) [THE CONSTANT]. Please welcome [Raj Aiyangar (HE/HIM)] to Huntsville, WV. They are an [36]-year-old [VISITOR] who lives in [THE COMMUNE]. You may see them around working as a [ASSISTANT FUNERAL HOME DIRECTOR]. Poor unfortunate soul. We’ll see if they survive.

Thinking, feeling 'What is this, what did I miss?'

Full Name: Raj Jayant Aiyangar Nicknames/Aliases: N/A DOB: 08/24/1986 (Virgo) Birthplace: Huntsville, WV Orientation: Pansexual, Panromantic

Sometimes I wish I had control...

Raj was born the youngest child of your typical middle class family in a small town one over from Huntsville. Was he a... surprise? Yes. And boy does he know it. His older siblings were double digits by the time he came around, and his parents were not exactly excited to have another baby in the house. Not to mention, by the time he was old enough to actual try and have a good relationship with his siblings they were off to college, leaving Raj feeling like an afterthought for most of his adolescence. He didn't get the 'baby of the house' treatment that most younger siblings get, and maybe he resents his parents for this. It wasn't his fault they fucked up and got pregnant but it always felt that way.

While his family didn't live in the funeral parlor they ran, Raj was there almost constantly as a kid. And when he wasn't counting ceiling tiles his parents were passing him off to extracurricular activities so he wouldn't be in the way. He was always too loud, or too silly, or not smart enough even though he excelled at school and at the various hobbies they forced on him. He knows how to play piano and viola, can sing, was a straight A student, was well liked with his classmates and stayed out of (enough) trouble. He was a good kid if a bit of a handful. Smoked weed only sometimes. Got in trouble with his teachers never. Whether his parents ever acknowledged that was up for debate and is a point of contention to this day.

Raj always day-dreamed of leaving. But wasn't given much time to ever consider what his life might be like outside of WV (considering the moment he was old enough to help at the funeral home that was how he spent his evenings and weekends).

So his brother and sister could go off and live whatever life they wanted. And Raj had to stay here. And hang around with dead people.

Sweet.

Fear is in the mind...

Something of an ambivert, if there was any silver lining to his situation it was the people he grew up with. All things considered, Raj liked helping folks, and he had always been more personable and comforting than his father was when it came to grieving families. It wasn't like there was a lot of brown people walking around their area, and still Raj was always met with surprise when he told people he was Harish's boy. Raj was everyone's buddy, he was funny and charming and easy to talk to. It made the unfortunate situation he so often met people under easier for everyone and, somehow, he managed to thrive.

He had taken over the funeral home for his father in his mid twenties -- earlier than he'd hoped for but his father's dementia took up all of his mother's time. And he knew how to run the funeral home. It was the final nail in the coffin for him (pun absolutely intended), tethering him to his small town for the foreseeable future. He had to be ok with that. As strained a relationship he had with his parents, who else was going to take care of things? He ran his family's funeral home smoothly, the only change being their feud with their major competition in Huntsville. His father had always been rivals with Bruno, but Raj found he had little time for it. Huntsville became an afterthought, until a couple years later when he stopped hearing from Bruno at all and his own business started to boom due to the lack of competition.

Raj assumed they fell victim to the same fate many small businesses in forgotten towns did: they couldn't afford it. But it was curious how sudden it all seemed to happen, and after trying to reach out to the family he knew since childhood multiple times without answer Raj ignored his parent's wishes and made the short drive to Huntsville to check on them. Little did he know that what his father called his bleeding heart would literally trap him there.

It was terrifying to see the state of things, but quickly offered his services to Bruno who at the time was overrun with death from the paradox. You never really want to be busy at a funeral home, but this was Huntsville. And for that first year there, Raj was pulling multi-day all nighters just to keep up with how much death plague the early years of the paradox. He was exhausted, barely could keep his eyes open, so concerned with taking care of everyone else, concerned about his parents, angry no one had come to look for him, and grieving all of the loss he forgot to take care of himself. After a few days without sleep, the hallucinations started. It made focusing hard. Or functioning. And it was this lack of sound thinking that ended Raj outside in the cemetery later than he should have been.

Dulled down by a blunted scream...

The memories of that night are hurried and blurred, drunk on lack of sleep and terror. All he remembers is rain and how running, sprinting for his life, made his head pound. He remembers the laugh more than anything. And he remembers thinking:

'Is this how I die? Am I going to die in Huntsville?'

And how tragic that would have been for someone who only ever dreamed of getting the fuck out.

This was back when mass graves were far too common. Raj knew where they all were, he organized them, and still rolled his ankle, falling down into a large grave he helped dig only a few days ago and hitting his head off the sharp edge of an exposed rock on the way down. Funny. How falling into a grave could save your life. At the very least he was unconscious when the bodies fell and blanketed him, and the monsters, successfully tricked, passed him over.

Raj woke up later, buried under corpses. He had to force himself to keep from gagging knowing that any semblance of movement, or sound, or too heavy of a breath would be his death wish. The only option was to lay there, prone, and wait until sunrise. And like so much of Raj's life he did what he had to do. He stayed still in a giant wet, muddy grave. For no other reason other than 'he had to.'

While he doesn't remember much of the morning after, he does remember the stench of decay -- how it stuck to his skin and his clothes -- and how tacky the blood against his temple and down the side of his face felt, and how his hands were caked with dirt and mud. It was an overwhelming, horrifying sensory experience that he'll never forget. After that, forming new memories was near impossible, his head injury causing a kind of anterograde amnesia he had to constantly remind himself he had. The first couple of years were rough. He was frustrated more than he wasn't and felt very alone. He should have died. He knows that. And there is a guilt he keeps private about how, sometimes, he wonders if living a life of sticky notes and phone reminders is really worth it.

His amnesia has gotten better after time. But he still can't help but be hard on himself more often than he isn't.

I don't want to think anymore…

Fun Facts…

-Raj suffers from horrible night terrors from the night of his injury. Everything before late 2012-early 2013 he remembers clearly.

-For a while after his accident he stayed in an apartment with Zach which was a horrible mistake and high-key ruined their relationship. After which he moved into the commune refusing to move in with his parents (for a number or reasons, not wanting to be even more of a burden on his mother considering she was already his father's full time care taker one of them).

-It was Fern who he stumbled into the next morning, covered in dirt. He never told her what happened.

-Come to think of it I don't think he's told anyone what happened that night.

-He keeps meticulous notes and files them all away in multiple places. He will kick his amnesia's ass behind the dumper in the denny's parking lot at 2am. He is very high functioning despite everything.

-He is such a good friend. He gives the best hugs, he's great at hyping you up or talking you off ledges, he will stick up for the people he cares about vocally and unapologetically. He's sweet, and caring, and gives great advice. (And you know what? He's a great lay. Honestly, jack of all trades, over achiever, bay-bee!)

-Sleeps around quite a bit so he doesn't have to stay at the commune which he often finds suffocating. I don't think he and Sunflower got along all too well.

-He'll also sleep at work sometimes but will never make the same mistake of over working himself again.

-His amnesia has gotten better over the past decade and those who know him will have been able to see that progress. Still, he struggles to form lasting new relationships (though he puts a lot of effort into trying)

-He has one niece, Aish, who he adores. He is vodka auntie, no further questions.

Possible connections…

- Past hook-ups

-Childhood friends!

-New friendships he's trying to maintain

-Anyone from the commune

-His older siblings (note his older sister is a lawyer and the mother of his niece, penned by Ryan. If you’re interested in bringing here we can all chat about it!

[minusgangtime]

(Regarding the RP between me and @/ask-shelby-and-her-kitty-cats, just a reminder that we are not poking fun of the situation nor we are romanticizing it. Dementia is a very serious disorder in real life and there is no actual cure for it)

(So please don't take it the wrong way (either at me and the mod of Shelby) Ó.Ò)