#tw ; slight mentions of abuse

[starysky1289]

I need more Toxic!Dark!Sorority Vanessa!!

That fic was just.. Chefs kiss. You write so well. 🥹

Thank you for the compliment it means so much. 😭😭🥺I took dark off it because to me toxic is just way more extreme dark.

Toxic!Soroity!Vanessa X Reader. The argument.

TW: DubCon, toxic relationship, drug mention, Pet play if you REALLY squint, slight abuse.

“ Vanessa please. Just sit down and study, you need to pass this test. “

“ I’ll be fine. My father will just throw some more cash at the teacher if I fail. I can’t belive I’m dating a fucking nerd…”

You sat on Vanessa bed, holding your rather expensive book on your lap, watching as Vanessa did her makeup in the mirror.

“ listen. Just do a little with me. If you do, I’ll go down to the frats party with you “

You got up and put your chin on Vanessa’s, as she pushed you off, mumbling to herself.

“ I’m not taking you out anywhere until you cut that hair. You know I hate it long. But fine, give me the fucking book…”

You sighed, and gently placed the book on her vanity, she flipped it open and read some random page, before closing it, going back to her makeup.

“ there, I’m done. Now leave me alone, I gotta finish getting ready for this party. “

You shrank into your skin, you looked at her through the mirror, your eyes starting to water.

“ your..your still going to the party without me? “

“ yeah? Who else is bringing the drugs. “

“ but..I can’t come? “

Vanessa groaned, standing up and heading towards her closest, looking through her multiple revealing outfits.

“ I said you’re not going out till your hair gets cut. And maybe if you loose a few pounds too. “

Your legs trembled, you hated when she brought up your weight, you had been working hard to try and loose some for her, but it was never enough.

“ b..but I’ll be alone in my dorm nessa…”

“ listen. You’re lucky we’re dateing, stop crying and get your shit together, I’ll drive you to your place. “

You grabbed your bag, shoving the papers and books you’d brought try and get her to study with you, it never worked. You froze, your hands trembling as you stared at the bright pink scrunchie around your wrist.

“ I can’t. TAKE IT ANYMORE VANESSA. “

She froze, staring at you in disbelief. You pulled the scrunchie off you wrist, holding it tightly in you hand.

“ I can’t take this abuse! I can’t take how you treat me like an accessory, I’m more than that! I’m sorry your father never loved you enough to give you a good life, but that doesn’t mean you can ruin mine. IM DONE. “

You throw the scrunchie in her small trash, grabbing your bag and storming towards the door. As you reached for the door handle, your wrists were quickly grabbed, and Vanessa shoved you against the wall, her eyes blazing with rage.

“ how dare you. You’d be nothing without me. NOTHING. “

She snarled in your face, her grip around your wrist tightened, you could feel her acrylics digging into your skin. She smirked, her eyes still starring into yours.

“ you wanna go to that party so bad? Fine. We’ll go, and we’ll make sure everyone knows your mine. “

She let go of you, and turned to her closet, throwing you an outfit. You watched as she changed her shirt skirt, tossing it back into the closet and going over to her vanity draws, before glaring at you.

“ don’t just stand there. Change. And if I fucking hear your complaining your dead. “

You quickly began to change, you had faced away from Vanessa, trying not to make much more eye contact with her. She had given you a pink tank top and a white short skirt, that barely covered your ass.

“ take the panties off. “

“ b-but nessa- “

“ do it. “

She growled at you from across the room, you reluctantly stripped them off, tossing them into the corner. You finally faced Vanessa. She wore a white crop top with a pink faux fir jacket, and a pair of tight black joggers shorts. You couldn’t help but notice the bulge in them, your lips quivering, you knew exactly what she was going to do with you.

“ now, let’s give you the last few changes~ “

She pulled your hair up with the pink scrunchie you threw out, putting it in a low ponytail. She fished around another cabinet and strapped a cold peice of leather around your neck. Looking in the mirror, you could see it was a pastel pink collar, you touched it gently, before Vanessa grabbed your wrists again, dragging you downstairs, and eventually out of the Soroity house.

“ your gonna listen to me. And if anyone comes up to you you’re gonna come find me, I don’t need another repeat of last time, do we? “

“ n..no nessa…”

She got into her car, you sitting in the passenger side, as she began to drive out.

“ one more thing. Im Mistress tonight, so if you need me, you’ll ask your Mistress, you got that? “

“ y-yes v-van-….yes mistress…”

Tears swelled in your eyes, as embarrassment flooded through your body. Vanessa glanced at you and scoffed.

“ again with the tears. Stop being such a crybaby, people don’t like it, I don’t like it. “

You wipped your face, and stayed quiet. Your heart raced at the thought of what she’d do to you. Eventually, you pulled up to a large red house, you could hear the music blaring from inside already. Vanessa stepped out and you followed her, she knocked on the door, and a tall, blonde guy welcomed her in, eyeing you down like meat as you followed her in.

People seemed to cheer as Vanessa came in and quickly sat herself down, emptying her purse, she had filled it to the brim with multiple baggies with white powder in them.

“ Y/N. You get the special job of counting my money. And if you do good I’ll reward you~ “

You only nodded, sitting next to Vanessa. You felt her fiddle with the collar, but you didn’t look.

“ alright fuckers, line up. Give the pretty girl your money. “

Dozens of people immediately lined up, digging through the pockets for wads of cash. You’d take it, count how much, and tell Vanessa, who’d hand them a bag worth the money. You couldn’t help but notice the glares you were getting, people eyeing you up and down. Even when they came up to get there shit they’d talk to Vanessa about.

“ pretty thing you’ve got there Nessa, what made ya bring her. “

“ she wanted you to throw a fit before i was gonna go, so i brought her along to help. Don’t worry, she’s got something coming. “

You stayed quiet when the line slowed down, and eventually everyone had gotten something. Vanessa pulled you into her, playing with something in her hand.

“ god…keeping you in a leash has been the best idea I’ve had. It really makes sure you know who you belong to~ “

You had finally noticed it, the black braided leash Vanessa had attached to your collar. You blushed and turned away, Vanessa only chuckled and pulled you in by it, holding you chin.

“ don’t be embarrassed. I think you got me a lot more money than I would off. I think that deserves a reward baby~ “

“ n-Nessa- “

“ mistress. “

“ mistress. Y-yess. I-I don’t wanna do anything in public like this..”

She chuckled again, spreading her legs, messing with her shorts and letting the pink strap pop out.

“ well, keep your mouth on it and no one sees. Easy as that. “

You stared at you, hesitantly moving down to sit between her legs. She held onto your ponytail, pushing your face against the strap.

“ pretty little thing…cmon. Get to work. “

You looked up at her once again, before slowly taking it in your mouth, slowly bobbing your head on it. She kept a good grip on your hair, you watched her look around the room, like she was making sure no one saw, but everyone could.

“ hey, Sarah, Bailey! No im not busy, get me a seltzer and join me. “

You flushed, those were the names of her closest friends. You tried to pull back, but she kept your head down, you reluctantly continued to suck on the pink silicone dick.

The girls sat on each side of her, you could see them looking at you, snickering behind their hands.

“ how’d she get in this predicament~? “

“ she wanted to run her mouth. And I couldn’t just let her get away with that. She threatened to leave me, Bailey, could you believe that. “

Vanessa finally let go of your head, you slowly pulled off, laying your head on her thighs. Sarah petted your head like you were a dog, snickering to herself.

“ can she do any tricks Vanessa~? “

“ mm..not tricks, but she’s a fantastic listener, arnt you baby~? “

“ yes..yes mistress…”

The girls all laughed, you burried your head in Vanessa thighs, you longed to go to your dorm and just sleep, but you had to run your mouth.

“ hey, baby. “

You lifted your head,Vanessa pulled the leash slightly, signaling you to sit on her lap. You felt so out of place there, the strap pressed against your pelvis, Vanessa’s arms around your waist.

“ you do one more thing for me and I’ll take you to ya dorm. “

“ w-what do you want…”

“ ride me. “

You burried your head into her shoulder, the girls giggled as Vanessa kissed your neck.

“ cmon baby, it’s just like at home. Only difference is we’re out. “

“ b-but I don’t like people watching..”

“ this isn’t a option, Y/N. You’ll do this, I take you home, I come back and get wasted. Maybe I should have let you walk out, you could have gotten kidnapped and raped on the way to your dorm. Then I wouldn’t have to deal with you. “

You quickly hugged her, tears forming in your eyes, before you pulled your face out of her shoulder and stared at her.

“ n-no please..d-don’t let me get hurt..”

“ then you gonna do it? “

You held her shoulders, taking a deep breath, before lowering yourself onto the toy, moaning softly. The tears slowly began to roll down your face as Vanessa gripped your waist, helping your ride the strap at a steady pace.

“ that’s it…my girl always comes back around to me, don’t you~? “

“ y-yes mistress, i do. I-I’m your girl..”

All threes of the girls laughed again. Vanessa would slam you down onto the strap, making your moans grow louder every moment.

“ m-mistress please- I-I’m gonna cum please~!! “

You felt the toy spread you, like it could rip you if it was any bigger. You slammed yourself down faster, trying to please her, trying to please yourself.

“ aww..dirty girl. Go ahead, cum…but your walking out of here by yourself, I’m not holding your hand~ “

You where to intoxicated by the pleasure to care, letting Vanessa thrust into your, before you let out one last defeated moan. Your walls clenched around the toy, as you let out heavy breaths. The music was still blaring around you, no one seemed to notice what had just happened besides the two girls and maybe one or two bystanders.

“ such a good girl..what do you say~? “

“..thank you…thank you mistress…I love you..”

Vanessa, for the first time, gently held his ur waist and helped pull you off, as she stuffed the soaked strap back into her shorts, letting you walk out toward the door.

“ I’ll be back in like fifteen, save my seat. “

Vanessa called to her friends, before you walked into the passenger seat, Vanessa pulled you into her, kissing you deeply.

“ oh i love you too…oh how lucky you are that your mine~ “

[rowiewritesstuff]

Huskerdust please 😊? They are so soft and loving together, feels safe. I love seeing Angel happy.

Husker X Angel Dust

Slight Spoilers <3

The two of these demons forged a bond from their chains. They both owed a good deal to powerful demons, and could understand one another’s pain. Often, they’d be spending time in Husker’s bar. They could be seen chatting and laughing almost all the time- the two seemed inseparable. 

“And then I said, up yours bud!” Angel Dust finished his story with a laugh. Husker chuckled.

“You really are going to get in trouble one of these days.” 

“I’m not worried, I have you.” Angel flirted.

Alastor appeared suddenly, and pulled Husker away. When Husker returned, he looked furious. He went back to his bar to clean his bar cups, trying to get his mind off of it. Angel Dust looked at him in concern, sitting in front of him.

“You uh…Are you okay?” 

“Fine.” Husker spoke coldly in an even tone.

“..Look, you don’t seem like it. What happene-”

“None of your damn business Angel!” Husker snapped. A glass broke in his hand, and Angel flinched back. For a moment, he saw Valentino instead of his usually loving boyfriend. Angel looked at Husker’s fluffed up wings and rage and couldn’t see Husker anymore.

“Sorry… I’ll see you later.” Angel left the room quickly. Husker laid his head down on his bar, muttering a curse when he realized he fucked up. 

Husker gave himself time to cool off before going to Angel Dust’s room. He was cuddling his pig Fat Nuggets as he cried lightly. Husker sat next to Angel but couldn’t meet his eyes.

“I’m…I’m sorry, Angel. I didn’t mean…I didn’t want you to…fuck…” His voice slowly got quieter as he put his head in his hands. He heard a sigh behind him as Angel leaned his head on his shoulder. 

“It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean to…but you gotta remember babes, I don’t like getting treated like that. I get enough of that at work.”

“That damn bastard makes me do things I hate.” Husker admitted. “I wish I could just wring his damn neck!” 

“We can’t change nothin…so ya just gotta remember.” Angel kissed his cheek.

“What? What are you talking about?” 

“So things look bad, and your back’s against the wall…” Angel sang to Husker. Husker couldn’t help the small smile as he remembered what he sang to Angel the day they had their first fight. 

“Your whole existence feels fuckin’ hopeless, and your whole existence feels like a divebar bathroom stall….” They sang softly as they held each other. This was their song, and it would always remind them of who they were and what they mean to each other.

[villainous-redemption-au]

Hey Flug how did you and Black hat meet

This is just my headcanon, I don't know the actual lore behind Black Hat and Dr. Flug's history.

[mechahero]

Character headcanon generator - 10 headcanons! Generate 10 headcanons and share whether they're true or not. Repost, don't reblog.

Lambda has an incredible long-term memory but an awful short-term memory. (Not true. His long and short-term memory are fricked to hell in back. #untreated ADHD BABEYYY)

Lambda speaks only in meme references. (Not true. For all the time he spends on the internet, he rarely picks up on memes.)

Lambda can beat you up, but wont. (True... to an extent. He usually needs a fairly good reason to do so.)

Lambda hacks their stats in every video game they play. (Not true. He likes to play video games as is.)

Lambda enjoys doing taxes. (Not true. This guy has not done taxes ever in his life. Unless you count item tax when he heads out of town to get groceries he can't find in Motor City.)

It would not take much for Lambda to turn evil. (... technically true. All it would take would for there to be an event that's far too much for him to handle to happen before Lambda says fuck it and starts behaving like the genuinely terrifying monster he's been turned into on a widespread scale.)

Lambda is a very good singer. (True but only a bit. He's decent.)

Lambda is afraid of doing anything without their parent's permission. (True but only pre cyborgification. He used to be downright terrified of doing something without their permission, usually his mother's, because going out and doing it anyway meant coming home to get hit for it.)

Lambda can't sit in a chair properly. (True. If he finds a way to sit that's comfier than how you're supposed to sit in a chair, he's going to do it.)

Tagged by: stole it from @electricea lol Tagging: YOU 🫵

[princessg3rard]

“hey dude, do u wanna come hang out at ur abuser’s house? yea we’re all going, do u wanna come with?” is apparently something my friends think is normal to ask and do

[just-a-we1rd0]

I love like a dog.

No matter how many times you beat me.

starve me.

abuse me.

hurt me.

make fun of me.

love other dogs more than me.

cage me up.

ignore me.

No matter how much I know you dislike me.

No matter how much I know you would rather shoot me.

No matter how much I know you think other dogs are better than me.

No matter how much I know you think I'm sloppy.

No matter how much I know you think I'm annoying.

I will always run back to you with a wagging tail.

[mad-hunts]

[[ I have questions about Barton's thoughts on cannibalism and some of the aspects it holds and means to him. Now suppose, SUPPOSE!!! We go the whole Death of the Family route. And adjust it to fit our respective takes of Barton and Joker. Are there any feelings regarding the whole process of taking Joker's face off? ]]

AHH, forgive me for how late i am to replying to this, but thank you so much for the ask! i really do love y'all for wanting to know more about him tehe <33 BUT onto the rather taboo matter that is cannibalism, i would honestly be more than happy to talk to you about it in relation to barton's character more ( because i know we already talked about it a bit together, buttt of course, making posts about these things is always fun and i want you guys to always feel free to ask me questions about things on here :D ) . because being a cannibal is one of his most unfavorable traits since it is... well, VERY morally depraved, to put it simply. and perhaps surprisingly enough, this is the one aspect of what barton does that he usually doesn't try to excuse and/or just completely NOT care about it's inherent evilness. i'd honestly say that his thoughts about it are heavily negative and he tends to regret it afterwards in the occasion that he remembers he has done it (and just a quick refresher here, i say 'in the occasion that he remembers' because barton has suffered from blackouts before where his brain was just like ' oh, so we're doing this now, huh? yeahhh... i don't think we're going to be able to cope wth remembering this, so we're just going to metaphorically pack it somewhere where it can't be accessed.')

and it's, unfortunately, not so simple as him being able to stop doing it just because he knows it's gross + wrong. because i have to admit that this is hard for me to articulate properly into words but cannibalizing is like something that fills a void for him. which is SUPER twisted, of course, but most cannibals throughout history that also happened to be serial killers were extreme loners and don't have a lot of friends. so although it's criminal and definitely not something i condone, killing and eating someone for barton is like ensuring he is never alone in a way, because it's as if he is 'carrying the victim' along with him as part of a trophy. and this feeling is wickedly intoxicating for him because he is just SO alone all of the time. also, being able to have power like that over someone is appealing to barton, as i've read in several studies that some cannibals do what they do because it gives them this sick sense of satisfaction. and it makes him feel powerful because he's capable of doing something so few people have ( i mean, for good reason because it's TERRIBLE in ways i can't even describe, but barton is a very deranged individual y'all (,,: ) + it gives him that dopamine rush even though it really shouldn't.

but yeah. that's why, when it comes to people coming across barton while he may be in the act of doing so, that he almost appears as if he's high probably a good chunk of the time 💀 like the man is TRULY a menace to society jsjsj but this momentary 'bliss' doesn't last long, as i was saying that he normally regrets doing it afterwards and it tends to sometimes even give him stomach aches by psychogenic means. and when he's like this, i hope this makes sense whenever i say this, but barton feels the most unhuman-like that he probably ever does so it also... scares him in a way??? yeah, i'd say that's pretty accurate. and so barton will normally deflect whenever the issue is brought up by other people in conversation. though, strangely enough, he also uses it to his advantage a bit to scare people he really doesn't like. as a threat is a lot more powerful when you know that someone is capable of doing it so if barton were to tell another muse that, if they betray him again like that, that he'll EAT them?? idk about that muse but i would be like ' oH. NO, I WAS TOTALLY NOT GOING TO DO THAT PSHHH ' and just completely brush away any plans i might've had of betraying him SKSKK

BUT yes, i hope that answered your question regarding his thoughts about cannibalism and what it means to him, as well as what some of the aspects hold to him. it is basically a brutal reminder that wesley still holds influence on him even after his death, honestly, as harrowing as that might sound because without him — he likely wouldn't have started doing it at all. so, in the case of barton's story, his bio father does 'haunt the narrative' as some people may call it. but OOH, honestly, like i was telling you before... i think it would be intriguing to maybe figure out a way it could be implemented between them so if you want to end up doing that, then do let me know!! but there is absolutely no pressure so don't feel like you have to. and as for feelings surrounding the removal of the joker's face, it isn't touched upon in the comics, BUT i'm going to be honest. barton is basically my OC now so i shall be telling you my perspective on how doing it made him feel. because barton deals in 'dead things' like he would call it, especially at the time that death of the family took place, i believe that he would be morbidly excited about the occasion of being able to quote unquote 'do his work on someone who's actually alive' and thus he would be a willing participant to it... just like barton was in the comics. though, i know that's messed up.

barton is just SO into the mindset that he is a 'creator' like we were talking about and since he didn't know at the time just how bad joker was, barton would have little to no reason to be wary about working with her. and he finds beauty in grotesque / unusual things so he likely would've seen it as some form of macabre form of art especially if it was... well, hooked on the wall, like it was in that panel of the comic 🫠 BUT ANYWAY enough of talking about gross things! the point i was trying to make is, barton would be excited to help her as sickkk as that sounds and if joker viewed it as some sort of rebirth / transformation just like the character did in the comics as well? then perhapsss barton would be proud that he's helping someone in a very questionable and gross way to become their more 'authentic self,' so yeahhh. i hope you enjoyed my response to this even though i know it was a bit long-winded!! i just wanted to cover everything is all, haha

[polyfrag-kero]

(TW abuse ment/vent)

it just clicked for our primary host recently (but especially today) that we're still living in a toxic/abusive situation, and things are not just "magically better" (we moved into our current house years ago, and before we lived in a very abusive household)

we thought moving would be the change we needed to finally start living our life. we all thought things would be better. but they weren't. they aren't. and he's finally realized it

- Cameron

[lostandfoundbook]

Chapter 8

Read it on AO3

Read it on Wattpad

Sitting in the bars captivating glow was a new experience for Alex. She was used to the dampening sounds of drug addicts next to her. All of them fiending for their next fix, her included. The rooms would be dark and damp, offering little comfort to the people around. This was different, however.

The bar was warm in a way that was very settling for the outfit she was wearing. It lit an orange tint over all the patrons resting there, partaking in what little small talk they did. She felt at peace with her life for the first time in quite a long time.

She was sat with Everette across from her who was nursing a whiskey cocktail to his lips. The conversations ebbed and flowed throughout the room, but these two were silently watching each other. Sight reading whatever emotions they could gleam from each other.

Alex sat sipping her own drink, a glass of rose pinot, the alcohol taste making her cringe each time she went back for another taste. She never did like the flavor of alcohol, instead favoring the effects it had on her body.

"So, the play?" He finally spoke. "How is that going?"

He sounded a bit incredulous. Alex swirled the wine around in her glass. "It's going well. We're performing it next week. It'd be really cool if you came"

Everette rolled his eyes a bit before a smile spread onto his face. "Of course I'm coming. I may not like theatre but I'm always going to support you"

This earned a grin from Alex's mouth. "It's gonna be awesome. We've worked so hard to pull this piece together. We're doing Spring Awakening but the director has drastically changed everything, so if you think you know what it's going to look like already, you actually don't. I think it's really cool, but the other cast mates hate it."

"You like it though?"

Alex's face brightened. "Yes! I love ballet. It's such an expressive art form. I've always wanted to be apart of a professional ballet production and now I am. The others are so used to doing ballet so it's not special for them the way it's special for me. It's like a little secret I get to hold to myself"

Everette took another drink of his whiskey, masking the dislike in his choice of drink. It tasted like a burning wood-y sensation as it went down his throat. Whiskey isn't meant to taste like wood, he thought. "That's really cool, Andie. Hey, listen. About those photos..."

Her smile slowly faded as her eyes focused on the man in front of her. "Right now?"

"Better than when we're shit faced"

Alex cringed a bit at his tern of phrase, but he was correct. Better now than later. "Alright, then. Let's do it."

He quickly finessed his phone out of his pocket before sliding over to the camera option. Alex put her arm around his shoulder and smiled. "Why don't you kiss my cheek?" He added.

"Oh. Alright"

She placed a kiss on his cheek and watched as he snapped a couple of photos. The situation was very odd to her. It felt like taking a photo with a fan, not taking a photo with her boyfriend. Were they even dating at this point?

"Everette?" Her voice rang out as hollow, lacking any confidence she previously had. "Yeah?"

"Would you say we're dating?"

He turned to face her front on and took his hands in hers. "We're whatever you want us to be, baby." His hands were warm in hers, almost sweaty, and she noticed that they were much larger than hers. "I could be your girlfriend" she added, not making eye contact.

It wasn't that she didn't mean it. She WOULD like to be his girlfriend, but she couldn't help fighting this funny feeling like there was something she was missing. Like she herself was an incomplete picture, painted only in black and white, just waiting for somebody to come along and splash paint onto the canvas that was her life.

Maybe Everette would be her paint.

"That would be nice. We need to talk more, though. I don't like being out of contact. It's like long distance dating and I was never good at that. You can't form a connection that way"

That wasn't entirely true, she thought. She'd made many great friends through online forums, and she felt like he was trying to contest this. "You haven't met anybody online you can connect with?" She added

"No. Not really. I know you have. It's not the same, though. Not for me. For me, It's like building up walls around a relationship that box you in, and you're limited to a key set of interactions. It's like a game."

A game. Was that how he viewed their relationship thus far? As some sort of a game he could win? Was this all some sort of a game to him? That's what it was starting to feel like for Alex at this point. The pictures, the limited interactions, the text-to-call dialogues. All of it felt like.. a joke.

"Why don't you just tell me what you know about me?" Alex eventually blurted out, suddenly switching the topic. "What?" Everette asked back, true confusion in his eyes.

"You keep talking about things I've said or things I've done, and nobody around here" she gestured to the bar they were in, indicating she meant the hotel, "will tell me. Why don't you just tell me what you know about me? It would make things so much easier." When she ended her sentence, she picked up her glass of wine and finished it.

Everette eventually nodded, picking up his own glass and taking a drink. "Well, you and I make music together. You stopped doing theatre because of how it limited you in the sphere of creation. You could perform all you wanted, but people never showed up to the things you created. So you stopped creating and started in a different field. Music."

He took another drink out of his cup as Alex listened fervently. "You and I were trying to find a way to mix the two. You didn't want to do a tour but you did want to keep performing. We figured we could host pop up venues around the city and start enough hype to go to other cities and do the same thing. It would've been like the Survive tour, but just us."

Alex frowned. She didn't remember what happened after the Survive event. It was the one memory that stood clear in her head once. The one memory she could grasp onto, hoping it would lead her way back to all of the others. "What do you mean the Survive tour?" She asked.

"You were going to keep performing after the Survive event. Going around the city and doing the same thing I just said, the pop up shows."

The thought hit her suddenly. THAT'S why they were breaking into the hotel. The hotel had multiple theatre's connected to it, and it only made sense that they were trying to find a way in to host their own event behind Oliver's back. "So, the night I fell..."

Everette nodded quickly, like he didn't want to continue the conversation anymore. "Yeah."

"Alright then."

Logically, it all made sense now. Alex was living with Everette and furthering her career. She was trying to plan events and she was blacklisted. Oliver hated her, and the only person she could rely on was Everette. She stopped for a moment to think about the rumors of fighting.

"What about--"

"Listen. It's been a really long day. I don't think I want to keep talking about this." He sighed and finished off his whiskey, finally grimacing at the flavor. "Bartender?" he called out, pointing towards both of their glasses. "Actually, I think that's probably enough for tonight" Alex said, raising her hand and smiling towards the bartender. He smiled in return, walking off.

"What the hell was that for?"

"You brought it, right?"

Everette was taken off guard for a moment. "Yeah. What does that have to do with my drinks?"

Alex shook her head in amusement, a smile growing on her face as she did so. "I've got a mini bar in my fridge in my room. Let's go up there."

Everette met her eyes, a smile forming on his face as well.

* * *

Sitting in her room in the evening glow was quite nice. It reminded her of all the times she had talked with Oliver, except this time, it was different. "So, where'd you put the stuff?" Alex spoke out as she watch Everette grab a beer from her mini-fridge. "It's in my satchel. I put it on the couch."

Alex leaned herself back to get momentum on the bed and kicked herself up. She walked over towards his bag and reached in. "I didn't even see you bring this." She said.

"It blends in. I wear all black. Do you need help with that?"

"No. I remember how to inject."

Alex went about her process. She pulled the vials out of the satchel along with the needles. "Give me your belt" She spoke out, wiggling her fingers in a 'Gimme' motion. "How do you even know I'm wearing one?"

"You're wearing a button up shirt with slacks. If you weren't wearing a belt, I'd shame you."

The sound of his belt buckle being undone was all that could be heard throughout the room. the 'zwip' sound of it being unsheathed from his belt loops was the next thing she heard, along with his voice going "Here"

"Do you want any?" She asked, a glimmer of hope in her voice. She liked having gab sessions. Spending time with her boyfriend might be nice. "No." He responded. Her heart fell a little bit at this. She couldn't quite place why.

"I'm going to do this out on the balcony. You keep watch." She responded, taking all her items with her. She walked out and shut the door slightly behind her, leaving open ajar. It was a see through door, but it was the distance that made her feel better about it.

The air was getting warmer each week and yet the air this time threatened to nip at what bare skin she had revealing through her outfit. She repositioned her clothes as she sat down on the couch. She quickly tossed her jacket off, offering the wind even more of her body to blast away at.

She looped the belt around the underside of her lower brachial artery and squeezed it tight under her arm. She felt it begin to go numb, so she looped the belt shut and wrapped the dangle-y bit around the inside of her arm.

She grabbed for the needle and vial, tipping the vial upside-down as she drew out the medication. 'Medication' She bit back to herself in spite. She set the needle down for a moment and looked back towards the door.

From where she was sitting, she could see Everette sitting on her couch watching TV, drinking a beer. It was a far contrast to all of the conversations she'd sat here having with Oliver. A big piece of her yearned for Everette to come outside and sit with her. Talk to her. About anything, at this point.

But she had told him to keep watch. She turned back around to face the needle in front of her. She looked at her arm, turning a bright shade of red. She slapped at her cubital fossa, looking for a good vein. She picked the needle back up and she injected the Morphine into her system.

The feeling of the needle in her skin was pinching tight, but she had become used to this feeling at this point. She welcomed it. She put pressure on the insertion point of the needle as she pulled it out, apply pressure continuously. She set the needle down, capping it, and gathered all of her belongings again.

She walked back inside and put the stuff back in the satchel. "Are you letting me keep this?" She spoke out, the effects of the drug beginning to take effect. Her entire being down to her bones felt relaxed and heavy, like lead weights had entered her system instead of Morphine.

"Yeah, if you want. Just don't overdose on it, or something." He spoke out, turning to look towards Alex. "Why don't you come sit with me?"

Alex walked over to the couch and sat herself down next to him. Her arm hurt, but it wasn't bad. It felt like a pin prick at most. If she twisted wrong, it felt like a pinch. Her head was swarming with emotions. One thing she remembered liking about Morphine was the way it didn't numb her, emotionally. It took it away, sure, but she could still feel. Feel the love, feel the joy, feel the pure euphoria.

She turned to look towards Everette, who was staring at her with a weird face. This is when she realized he was leaning in for a kiss. She turned to meet him in the middle, their lips planting on each others. There was no love in the kiss. It was nothing like she remembered from any of the flings she had in her life time. It was connectionless. No spark.

He kept kissing her, though. Attempting to deepen the kiss. She continued kissing him, his lips warm and soft against her. He was so close to her that she could smell his scent, strong and reminiscent of 'Man'. It felt familiar. Too familiar. Like a flame burning the inside of her stomach. Like something was wrong.

He continued to kiss on her neck, moving down near her collarbones. She just realized she left her jacket outside. She didn't want this. She was beginning to remember why she didn't want this.

"Get off of me" Alex called out, pushing him off.

"What the hell, Andie?! We were having fun"

She stood and and put distance between the two of them. "No. You were having fun. You didn't ask me how I felt about this situation. About our relationship"

He stood up too. The look in his eyes was dark and foreboding, with an essence of hate in them. "You're the one who asked me to keep dating you" He growled out, taking a step closer towards her. "You're the one who invited me up to your room. You're the one who came onto me. You asked for it"

"Excuse me?!" She shot back, closing the distance between the two. "What the hell do you think you're talking about? You're in MY room, you have no right to talk to me that--"

Slap. The back of his palm made contact with the side of her face. "Shut the hell up!" he yelled out.

She stood silently for a moment while he continued to ramble on about how he was the man in the relationship.

"Get out."

He grabbed her wrist and pulled her closer towards him. "You can't tell me-"

She pulled her wrist away from her and pushed him away and into the couch causing his knees to buckle underneath him. "Get the hell out of my room!" She screamed.

"Now hold on--"

She walked up to him and began to pound on his chest. "Get out! Get out, Get out, Get out!" She said, each time with more conviction and force. There was no need to steady her voice. There was no need to stop and think. The morphine may have weakened her punches, but Everette got the point quickly.

He stood up and quickly hauled ass out of the room, Alex continuing her attack all the while.

"You're insane!" he screamed, swinging the door open and running down the hall. "And you're an asshole! I never want to see you again!" She screamed, slamming the door behind her.

It wasn't long before she had Oliver banging on her door, questioning her about the noise. His room wasn't located too far from hers. That was the whole point in why she was placed here. Currently, she resented it.

"What is that matter with you?!" he called out while shutting the door behind him. "It's 10 o'clock at night. There are people trying to sleep after working hard all day. What gives?!"

Alex walked over towards her mini fridge and grabbed a mini bottle of moscato. Maybe this was the way her life was destined to be. Life of revolving doors of men screaming at her. "Piss off. I'm not in the mood."

She looked around her room for her purse. She still had a couple of 'Shitty Joints' that Everette gave her before. "Can I smoke in this room? Isn't there cleaners who can clean these? Or is it different with suites."

Oliver stood there, dumbstrucken. "Are you okay?" was all he managed out.

"That didn't answer my question." She frowned.

"Yes, you can smoke in here, I guess. It's not gonna kill me. Now answer my question. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." She spat the words out as if they were vinegar on her tongue that she couldn't swallow. She was a great actress, but even she didn't believe her own conviction there. She knew Oliver wouldn't but it either.

"What happened? I saw Everette running away"

She didn't want to tell him the truth. The truth was... embarrassing. She had started a relationship with another abusive asshole. What else was there to say? How else do you dish out such a heavy dish of emotional honestly without cracking under the weight of the pressure?

"It doesn't matter. I don't want to talk about it." was all she had the courage to get out. "I can't find my purse"

"The one with the shitty joints?"

Alex sighed. "Are you going to help me look or not?"

"No. I'm going to go get you better weed. I'll be right back." he turned to head for the door before Alex responded "It's going to take too long!"

He kept walking anyways. Whatever. He was out the door without another word and Alex was left to fend for her purse by herself. It figured. When were men ever useful? Besides the nice job her got her. And the nice two story suite with a whole floor she's never used. And the weed he's going to get.

She still hated men.

She looked over towards the satchel and sighed. It contained three vials of Morphine and multiple needles. She walked over to it and picked it up turning to head towards her closet.

When she made it there, her feet were exhausted. She had been on them all day, walking all around the hotel. She had likely gotten her 10k steps in for the day at this point. She'd walk around and look at all the different plants they had blooming throughout the hotel. Gazing through all the aquariums they had set up in different locations of the floors. Admiring the local art they had hung up on each wall.

She'd come to realize that the entire hotel wasn't just full of life, but was in it of itself alive. Bustling with people. Filled with culture. Each corner told a different story from a different decade, and each floor shared a different mystery of history being held behind it's walls.

It was invigorating to be able to stay there. Like somehow her head injury had been a blessing in disguise, and the universe was replacing her older, bad memories with newer, happier ones. Not counting the one that just happened with Everette.

Everything felt more... special. Maybe she was just high. She threw the satchel onto the floor of the closet near the island sitting in the middle and she rummaged through her drawers to find a pair of sweat pants she liked. She settled on a pair of gray ones. She peeled off her previous outfit and put on her pants, quickly finding a tank top to wear over top. A simple black one with a band's logo on it.

When she walked out of her closet, she bumped into Oliver, causing him to drop whatever he was holding. "Sorry!" the both of them muttered out.

"No, I'm sorry, I should've watched where I was going" she quickly replied, bending down to pick up the joints he'd dropped. She handed them to him and gave him a fake smile. "Your face is red." He said, grabbing the joint.

"What? Like, I'm blushing? Humans do that you know."

"No. It looks like someone hit you."

Alex tensed up. "I don't want to talk about it." She said and quickly brushed past him to walk towards the balcony. The room really was massive. It wasn't just two-stories, but it was a full on live in suite with a kitchenette attached that she never used and an entire library full of books. There was a little reading section upstairs, and Alex knew she was going to attack those sooner or later.

"Fine, sorry, I didn't know it was related. Whatever." He said as the two of them reached the balcony, sitting down. "You were out here earlier?"

"You are SO bad at not talking about it!" she blurted out, picking up the jacket and putting it over her shoulders. "It just shocked me, is all! I'm sorry"

"It shocks you that you live in my own house?"

"It's a hotel room, and technically I own it" he said, handing her a joint. She reached to grab it and extended her arm. "What happened to your elbow?" He asked. She knew exactly what he was talking about, yet instead she coyly turned her elbow to face him instead of her cubital fossa.

"I think my elbow looks fine" She said, turning it. She had her arms tucked into the inside of her shoulder to hide the proof. "I'm fine. Stop worrying, dad."

"I am not your father." he shot back, reeling at the comment bestowed upon him. "Then stop acting like a dad. You aren't my dad." The two met in eye contact, a silent air of agreement between the two. They weren't going to talk about it, and that was it.

She put the joint up to her mouth and and lit it up. The familiar taste of lemon-y pine hits across her taste buds hard, dancing and inviting her flavors to peek their heads in. Slight tastes of grass and dirt, which sounds bad, but was actually invited by Alex. It tasted fresh. Green. New. Unlike Everette's Dirt Weed.

"So, when are you going to tell me about your arm"

Alex eyed him up, looking at his stance. He looked relaxed and unguarded. Happy, she thought. "When you stop being normal and start being an addict."

he guffawed at her. "When exactly do you expect me to become an addict?!" he retorted, completely missing her confession. Maybe he got it, maybe he didn't. "I don't! That's NOT my point!"

"And what exactly is your point? Why don't you spell it out for me?"

She gritted her teeth together and gave a sideways frown. "I'm not good with confessions."

"I never was either. What if I tell you something about me, and you tell me about you. Deal?"

She thought for a moment before nodded in return, looking out at the distance of the skyscraper skyline. Stars littered the night sky and the twinkled and gleamed so bright, as if they were reaching out to Alexandria herself to thank her for seeing them. They were so beautiful.

"I love stars." She spoke out. "That's not really a confession, not a statement" she added.

"Okay. When I was in college..." he paused as he spoke and looked out towards the city as well. They mirrored each other in positioning, both staring out to the sky in the hopes that it would eat them alive if they stared long enough. Anything for release from this situation.

"My mom got really sick, and my dad was already dead. I was going through business schools at the time, but I instantly switched majors. For her. The hotel could wait with shareholders for just a few years. By the time I got back into business the hotel had so many expansions I'd never thought of. I continued growing it from there and..." He trailed off.

Alex looked down towards the floor. "What happened with your mom?"

"She died."

There was a moment of silence between the two. Maybe to honor her, she thought to herself. Partially because she didn't know what to say. There were days she wished death upon her parents, but she highly suspected their situations were different.

"I'm sorry. There are no words to describe that loss"

"I know. I put so much of it into the business, but it's a big reason why I'm so closed off from people, I think." It was a bid of emotional honestly that Alex didn't really expect from him. So raw and honestly that it felt 10 times easier to do what she needed to do. "I did morphine earlier."

It's like a band-aid. You have to rip it off all at once, or else it hurts a LOT worse in the long run. "Well, I kinda expected that. No offense. Not tonight, either, but eventually."

She pouted. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Everette is a really bad influence on you."

She scratched at her injection site and frowned. "I think I agree with that."

"What happened with you two, anyway?"

She sighed. Everything else felt easier to talk about, but this felt a million times worse. How was she supposed to rip THIS band-aid off? "I don't know. I still don't want to talk about it."

"I told you my mom died." He said, sort of in disbelief. "You're really not gonna tell me? It's that bad?"

She stopped and questioned it herself. Was it that bad? "Yeah, to me it is."

"Well, alright then" He said, and took another puff off of his joint. "I'm sorry" She said.

"You don't have to apologize to me. You're the one who has to live with it."

She felt guilty in the pit of her stomach. She took another drag off of her joint before standing up and walking back inside for a minute. She ignored the 'where are you going' and 'what's wrongs' as she grabbed her wine and walked back outside.

"Liquid courage." she said as she sat down. "It's been a really shitty night for me, anyways. Do you want any?"

"Of that? Hell no. That taste like ass." he laughed and crinkled his nose. "It does not! It taste like... floral-y... and grape-y... and good!" She popped the lid off of the bottle and took a drink of it, only barely cringing at the taste. "You don't even like it!"

"I do! I don't like the alcohol in it." She giggled at her own statement. "Drinking alcohol but not liking the alcohol. It's silly. I get that." She verbally thought out loud. She took another drink, cringing less and less each time she did. "Anyway."

"What happened" he finally said, exasperated this time.

"I think it's obvious. Do you really need me to spell it out for you? He came onto me. I rejected him. He hit me. I hit him. A lot. He ran away. Is it not obvious?"

Oliver shook his head looking as if he himself had been hit. She guessed it was a lot of information, after all. "Can we ban him from the hotel already or something?" Oliver said, looking for recognition in her eyes. She looked down. "I don't know... He still has a lot of information."

Oliver shook his head as his expression hardened. "No, why do you need your memories? They'll come back eventually. He's just a prick and he's not worth your time or presence. You don't have to be around him to piece your life back together.

Alex scratched at the back of her neck and reached for the bottle again. She took another swig. "And how do you suppose I'm going to get my memories back? How do you suppose I can do any of the things I want to do without Everette? My music, my career, my life, it revolves around him."

It struck her as she said it.

"That's not a good thing, Alex"

She sighed and put her head in her hands. Her Joint had gone out at this point, and she was left with a muted haze of a drunken high. Morphine, Moscato, and weed. "I know. I'm realizing this, slowly. But... It's hard."

Oliver looked down at the floor. "I know. I can't relate to you, but I understand."

Alex looked out at the city and took another drink of her wine.

[charlottesbookclub]

Clean (General Armitage Hux)

Summary: Armitage has a particularly rough day and takes a depression shower about it

Warnings/Tags: Hux-centric (no pairing), angst, stress, memories of child abuse, Hux works too much, did I mention angst?, body image issues, insecurities, maybe just very slight SH implications?, ANGST (let me know if I missed anything!)

Words: 1,162

Author’s Note: apparently I'm on a roll with producing Hux content recently! This is just a short little fic building off a headcanon I wrote about in this post. It's an idea I've had for a while and just finally wrote it down. Hope you all enjoy even tho it's super frickin angsty and kinda sad!

(oh and the lines from Br*ndol are from the Hux comic and I think Empire's End?)

            The faint beep his door emitted as it recognized his credentials and zipped open for him sounded almost heavenly to Armitage. He barely made it into his chambers before he collapsed back against the now-closed door, sliding down until he was seated on the floor. He rested his arms on his bent-up knees, folding himself down as small as was possible given his height. There was a strange tightness in his throat, and not the kind caused by the unseeable grip of the damned Force. The passing thought of that frivolous magic snapped him back to himself, and he pushed up off of the floor in one fluid movement, knowing that if he slowed or hesitated at all, his exhausted body would decide that he would be sleeping unceremoniously slumped against his door.

            It had been a long cycle. Or was it two cycles? How long had it been since he had last rested? He shook his head minutely, trying to clear the fog of weariness that had finally allowed itself to settle in his mind. His chambers were dark except for the pale light of the stars creeping in through the large windows. He didn’t bother turning a light on. Instead, he made his way slowly to the refresher, discarding items of clothing one by one, each seeming to represent a problem that he wished he could cast off as easily as his uniform.

            First, the gloves – Ren destroying another expensive control panel. Greatcoat next – an unfortunate meeting with Snoke that left his project on a much tighter timeline than he had originally planned. One boot kicked to the side, then the other – the knowing glances cast between former Imperial officers on the bridge, sharing some joke he wasn’t privy to. His uniform top – the endless forms needing his approval and signature. The light undershirt next – the constant pinging of his comlink and datapad with requests for his time. Then his trousers – useless meetings with more insufferable Imperial veterans who just wanted to feel as though they were still valuable by giving outdated advice. Finally, his undergarments and socks – the biting headache that has been festering behind his eyes for the past… well… however many cycles it had been.

            Hux reached the refresher and didn’t bother to turn that light on either. Instead, he stepped directly into the dark-tiled shower and turned the hot water to its full capacity. Normally, he limited himself to cold showers. He felt they were more effective at waking him up – or, more often than not, freshening him up since actual sleep was something of a rarity for the general. Either way, despite the fact that his rank gave him unlimited access to hot water, he rarely indulged in the luxury. Right now though, it was what he needed more than anything.

            Steam filled the refresher, indicating that the water had reached a suitable temperature, and Armitage stepped under the current, nearly gasping at the shocking heat. For a moment, he could think of nothing else but the nearly unbearable warmth of the water as it coursed over his skin. When he had gotten somewhat habituated to the temperature on his body, he dipped his head into the stream and hissed as the water cut almost-scalding rivulets through his hair. After a few moments of exposure, his body became desensitized to the intense heat. He was left with a welcome warmth seeping into every fiber of his being. He began releasing tension he wasn’t even conscious of as the hot water unspooled it from his coiled muscles. His pristinely coiffed hair was soaked into damp strands, the gel dissolving and relinquishing its hold on his orange locks. For a few glorious moments, his mind was blissfully blank. He thought of nothing, simply absorbing the sensation of the hot water against his skin in the dark shower.

            They always crept back in though – the voices, the thoughts. What a waste of resources. How frivolous. How useless. Hux gritted his teeth then, hearing his father’s despised voice ring in his ears: “I’ve yet to find anything that Armitage isn’t utterly useless at.” He was glad he couldn’t make out much of his body in the steam-filled darkness of the refresher. He knew his pale skin was turning a humiliating shade of pink – both from the heat and from the unwanted memories. And he was thin. Scrawny. “Thin as a slip of paper and just as useless.” Armitage pressed his fist against the cool wall of the shower, putting enough force behind it that his knuckles began to hurt. Anything to drive his father’s words from his mind. As the insults and memories faded, Hux heaved a sigh. He exchanged his fist against the tile for his forehead, the press of the cold black stone bringing him back to reality. Despite his face no longer being under the current of water, he nevertheless felt warm liquid slipping down his cheeks. He scrubbed at his face with his hand, assuring himself it was nothing but beads of condensation, and situated himself back under the stream.

            He allowed himself just a few more fleeting moments under the warm water, trying to let it sap the last of the stress from his body, even though he wasn’t sure that was even possible at this point. Tension had settled deep into his bones and made itself at home there, untouchable even by the calming hands of heat that spilled over his body. Before he lost his nerve and stayed in the shower for the rest of eternity, he snapped the water off and was left suddenly shivering as the cool air of the refresher began to prick his skin. Stepping out of the shower, he wrapped himself in a robe. He caught a quick glance in the mirror, but any glimpse of his body was mercifully obscured by both the darkness and the steam collected on the reflective surface. He didn’t want to be reminded of his weak constitution now, not when he had only just banished his father’s unwelcome words.

            He stepped back out into the main room of his quarters, letting the pale starlight guide him as he inched his way carefully along the trail of discarded clothing items, collecting them as he went. On his way to his bed, he placed each in their assigned places: uniform and undergarments in the chute that connected directly to the ship’s central laundry facility, greatcoat carefully arranged on a hanger in his sparse closet, boots lined up neatly next to the door. That done, Armitage allowed himself to sink into bed, pulling the covers over his chilled body. He was almost ready to give into his aching head and sore body, to just allow himself to fall into the oblivion of sleep. Then a shrill ping interrupted that futile dream. He rolled over, pulling his datapad into bed with him to check the notification. He could always rest after responding to this message.

[broodingmystery]

@qxeenofhawkinshigh starter for Chrissy x Billy H

Billy was glad that Chrissy stepped between him and his father, but also terrified at the same time. Glad because he had a few moments to breath before having to deal with him. And terrified because he'd have to deal with the repercussions of someone stepping between them. He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. He wanted to chuckle at her words, because yeah she did overstep but he needed the moment to breath. "Nah, don't worry about it." His head tilted to the side a little. "Does she still.... How bad does it get?" He shouldn't ask, but maybe he could help her in return.

[random-intrusive-thoughts]

It's ironic how said abusive parents will act like smacking ya or even mentally/emotionally tearing you down is just "a part of growing up! Deal with it!"

You know damn well they'll be the same ones who'd laugh n' tease when they raise their hand and you flinch.

Or how you're "too quiet" and "a coward that can't stand up for yourself" despite past years of being either psychically or emotionally beating you into submission every time you even *thought* about raising your voice just the tiniest bit/"talking back" 😒

[multiplesillylittleguys]

I used to be a pretty damn femme gurl a few years ago and idk what it is but lately I've been getting real damn excited about our future top surgery. Like I'm not a trans guy, but a flat chest sounds rad, you know?

I've changed a lot over the past few years. I think a big part of this is caused by my unwanted transition from caregiver to trauma holder (thanks to our ex. Fuck you Dennie).

Maybe it's because he had such a weird obsession with that part of our body. I don't know. All I know is I changed and it's kind of scary how much this shit can influence you.

-Jayden

[drawingpad-studios]

A bit of a trigger warning because this slightly mentions about child abuse and suicidal thoughts.

Might go quite a bit on here with my works, because I decided to work on a gift for my mom. Because she is the one parent that I feel have actually been there for me all my life even when I was at my lowest points in my childhood. I may not be able to tell her everything about me and how I'm feeling, due to the trauma my biological father gave me whenever I tried to get help in the past because I was scared that I was actually so something to myself, but I love her with all my heart and am forever thankful that she was and still is in my life.

So I'm gonna be working on this piece for a bit, especially since it's a physical art work instead of digital art work. So other projects are gonna be put on hault (except for any art requests or commissions I get during this time). Though I might post a few progress posts showing how much I've done with the work.

[mad-hunts]

what made you choose this muse? 👀

oh?? *double eye emojis* okay, i LOVE you for asking me this question, NGL. so thank you very much for the ask, my friend!! i really do appreciate it. now, as for what made me choose this muse... let me just say that a lot of it had to do with the fact that i may or may not have had this big fixation with the batman rogues (and honestly, i still do, though it's ehhh... kind of less extreme now LOL) a few years ago because i just think they're really neat, you know? like they're all meant to challenge bruce in a particular way and/or aspect, i think, and that kind of attention to detail is * chef's kiss * and i'm honestly not too sure how i came across it anymore (i thinkkk i had accessed the comics from this totally legitimate site *wink* at the time, which basically means i torrented it JSJ) but i wanted to read some comics from zack snyder's run in particular AND that is how i was originally introduced to the character. this is because he was in one of the comics related to death of the family and when i tell you that i was sort of fascinated by barton's character in there, albeit HORRFIED as well since his literal first appearance showed him in a mask made out of his deceased father's face (like seriously, WTF dude? LOLLL), i mean it.

and i think this was because there really wasn't a lot of information about him even within the comic besides that his father was this pretty monstrous guy who forced him to go on 'hunting trips' with him when he was a kid, as you all may already know, and later got killed by jim gordon... and after disappearing for some years, he came back and just. Decided to do something that's completely normal (sarcasm haha) and help the joker cut off their face??? which is an utterly INSANE plot point, of course, but i really do enjoy the more horror-based stories surrounding the batman lore so i immediately wanted to see what else i could find this character in. and much to my dismay, barton only appeared in ONE other comic besides that one before the writers were like ' welp. i guess we're done with this guy, because he's served his purpose ' LIKE OMGGG. i did not want to believe that they literally just had him be the primary antagonist in one comic, and a secondary in the other, because i honestly could see a lot of potential in him as a formidable threat towards heroes + i really wanted to know more about what EXACTLY he was making these 'dolls' of his for.

but unfortunately, the writers of dc sometimes are WACK and don't always pursue plot-lines that would be very interesting in my humble opinion / kind of subvert from the norm. so i decided, to hell with it, i was going to make him MY original character now because if they weren't going to make more content with him in it... then i will MUAHAHAH 😈 nahhh, i'm kidding, but that is pretty much what i was thinking whenever i started to develop him and basically make him into a fully-fledged person rather than just an antagonist with limited backstory to him + that was one-dimensional. anddd i wanted to delve deeper into the subject of how barton became the way he is in particular, because although his environment was most definitely a factor in his role in 'gotham's underground' now, everyone has to take full responsibility for their actions anyhow and his was to be a violent as well as overall abhorrent person. for, although the fact that he also has ASPD plays into this, it is not an excuse for any of his behaviors.

so yeah! all in all, the reasons behind why i chose the character of barton specifically to portray was because i think that the writers of DC reallyyy missed out on the opportunity of creating a complex villain and just in general doing something more with barton's character than him just simply being 'that guy who cut off the joker's face.' plusss, once i got the idea in my head that he was a blonde man with curls? it was all over for me, y'all, i'm not gonna lie. i was OBSESSED / j LMAO i'm joking, but for some reason, i could just see my current fc suiting him. and that's about all i have to say about it for right now but i hoped you liked my response to this!!

[coopereliashawkins]

full name: cooper elias hawkins

nicknames: coops, coop, c, hawkins

age: 40

dob: october 31st

hometown: southport, north carolina

current location: manhattan, new york city, new york.

neighborhood: wesley park

occupation: former nyc detective, current sniper for jade menaces.

gender: cis male

sexuality: heterosexual

relationship status: single

theme song: angel with a shotgun - the cab

tw: sibling death mention, tw: drowning accident mention, tw: boating accident mention, tw: emotional abuse mention, tw: mental abuse mention, tw: physical abuse mention, tw: smoking mention, tw: alcohol mention

cooper elias hawkins was born on cctober 31st back in 1984 to two loving and hardworking parents named william and heather (nee’ cooke) hawkins. the hawkins clan was very well known and well liked in their town of southport, north carolina which is where they resided and where cooper had grown up. william & heather are very successful owners of a diner that’s family owned. it’s beloved in their town.

ryan hawkins was the first of the hawkins clan, then ethan, the annie, then cooper and finally the baby megan whom they call meg. growing up cooper idolized his older siblings, his brothers were his best friends and his sister annie was someone whom he admired and aspired to be like. meg was someone cooper always took care of and adored. the hawkins siblings were well known and well liked by the town and could do no wrong.

they were one big happy family. that was until one 4th of July annie and cooper had decided to take their family boat out onto the water alone, without their parents permission. he was 11 at the time and annie was a little bit older. they drove it illegally, but annie really wanted to go and she always had a way of making cooper follow in her footsteps.

they were having a good time and being safe until annie decided to jump into the water after cooper had told her and begged her not too. it was a while until cooper had realized she hadn’t come up from the water. panicked and scared, cooper illegally drove the boat back to shore for some help. once reaching his parents & some cops, they ruled it as a drowning accident. they always said that annie held the family together and her death tore it apart.

his father was furious and devastated and wrongfully accused & blamed cooper for annies death even though he knew it wasn’t his fault. growing up for cooper wasn’t easy anymore. he wasn’t the happy go lucky kid he used to be. his father had mentally and emotionally and sometimes physically abused him for years, and his two older brothers followed in their fathers footsteps. cooper closed himself off and didn’t talk to them until he actually needed too. the only ones who truly cared about him and worried about his well being was his mother & his little sister meg.

he kept to himself and got into reading and writing. he hid himself away in his room, and only had a couple of friends. cooper excelled in school and kept his grade average high. he graduated high school with honors and had decided to move as far away from the small town of southport as possible to get a fresh start.  choosing the city that never sleeps, cooper was accepted into almost every nyc college but ended up choosing brooklyn college. he majored in & has a master in criminal justice, and minored in florescence science.

however that wasn’t what he wanted to do in life. after graduating college with honors again, he decided to go into the academy and become a police officer. after a couple years of being a cop, he took the detectives exam and has been/is in the homicide unit ever since. that was until he had met and fallen in love with his former partner, noora raymond. they were in love and sneaking around and then one day the man disappeared. he had met someone who was apart of the Gang the Jade Menaces. cooper has been working as a Sniper for them ever since.

Morgan Chen is someone whom he met on accident, someone after Noora Raymond. It was a drunken one night stand but somehow because so much more than that. He fell in love with he, more in love with her that Noora and theyve been together ever since. On and off, but mostly on. The two, especially Cooper is ready to settle down. He's ready to say those three words to her, he's ready to ask her to marry him, have a family.

However his job and the death of his sister haunts him on a daily basis. Cooper can be pretty self-destructive sometimes & will purposely get into bar fights but then will use his “I’m a detective” excuse to get out of it even though he's not anymore. He drinks, and sometimes his friends think it can be a problem. Used to smoke in college but doesn’t anymore. still loves to read and write and secretly keeps journals and writes in them. Especially writing to his sister Annie when he can't sleep.