#turquina

[sideblogdotjpeg]

doodles from episode 8 & 9!

[wryterofworlds]

How does it feel to have inspired such a huge trend in dimension 20 fandom? Do you have any more headcannons for your modern AU?

In reference to this post:

Firstly, I do want to shoutout all the people who have made AUs based around the concept. All of them are so good and I can't believe that they exist because of my post. Obviously at this point everyone writing for this AU has their own ideas and versions of events, but here's the extended version of my version of the AU

Links to fics inspired by the original post:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/45248404/chapters/113833735

https://archiveofourown.org/works/45109150/chapters/113477032

https://archiveofourown.org/works/45058684

https://www.tumblr.com/weareinvisiblespectres/709282235918991360/this-got-stuck-in-my-head-so-i-decided-to-write-it

Also fanart!!!: https://www.tumblr.com/mylovelyfools/709107455283593216/i-dont-have-my-tablet-rn-but-my-brain-is-moving

LMK If I missed any!

Various headcanons and plot beneath the cut

So starting with backstories:

Gerard was born into a wealthy family, and at a young age was kidnapped

Luckily he escaped, as he had always been a slippery little kid.

Unluckily, by that point his family had already had him publicly declared as dead, so no one believed him when he claimed to be Gerard Greenleigh

He lived on the streets for a while, and befriended Elody, and the two fell in love

It was only when he'd already grown into an adult that Gerard was able to prove his identity and gain access to the family fortune.

From there, familiar territory. He acted vain, petty, immature, etc., he and Elody separated, which brings us to when he adopted two kids

Ylfa is autistic, and she has particularly bad meltdowns and anger management issues. Her mother didn't handle her well and would frequently send her away to stay with Ylfa's grandmother

Eventually, she decided to just leave Ylfa there permanently

What she didn't know is that only a few days into this new arrangement, the grandmother would die of natural causes. Ylfa. Did not handle this well

She froze in place, not wanting to move forward. If she just didn't move, then she wouldn't have to deal with what came next. If she just stayed still, then there's a chance everything could go back to normal

Fortunately, Mr. Wolf the child welfare caseworker had already been looking for her as one of the mother's neighbors noticed the missing child

Unfortunately, it was still two days of her standing there, frozen and terrified, before he found her

The first thing Mr. Wolf did was take her to get some fast food, that she devoured ravenously

(She would throw up most of that food in the backseat of his car a few minutes later)

She ended up in the foster care system after that, as her mother was deemed unfit to parent her

(IDK how child welfare stuff actually works so I'm just taking my best guesses here. Apologies if I get anything wrong)

Pinocchio has chronic pain, and some days he can get by with a cane but other times he needs a wheelchair

His father was a loving, if demanding parent who, along with his kindergarten teacher, were very strict about morals and particularly lying

Eventually, a strange woman approaches him as he's about to walk home and she starts asking him increasingly personal questions about who his parent is, where he lives, how he gets home, etc.

Pinocchio cottons on that she's acting weird and lies, saying his dad will pick him up soon

Teacher Turquina hears this, and goes to give Pinocchio an earful about lying, telling the woman the truth

Geppetto goes missing soon after

Pinocchio is taken care of by his stepmother (his actual stepmother, in this AU), but eventually the way she's been emotionally and sometimes physically abusing him is noticed and he is put into the system

(The stepmother was particularly fond of locking Pinocchio in a closet for hours at a time. He still remembers the way it looked when she would open the door, the only light coming from behind her)

He has complicated feelings about his stuffed animals Spinocchio and Pinocchicrow, given the stepmother is the one who gave them to him. Eventually Pib mauls Pinocchicrow, and given how relieved Pinocchio seems, Gerard quietly moves Spinocchio into storage

Rosamund's backstory probably gets the most major overhaul

Rosamund was 16 and in love when she and her boyfriend (if you want to be particularly on the nose he could have the last name of briar or thorn or something) got into a bad car crash

She woke up from a coma 2 years later

Her boyfriend, who had been released from the hospital just a couple months after the accident, had already moved on, hence her current distaste for romance

Her parents tried to keep her inside all the time, obsessively overprotective after the accident, and she couldn't stand it

She eventually ran away, and given that Cousin Gerard has been one of the few tolerable people to be around (He had been kind and funny when she was growing up; after the accident he was empathetic in a way no one else was. It wasn't exactly the same, but he knew what it was like feeling like you've lost years of your life) and eventually she made her way to an address he'd written down for her saying if she ever needed to talk, she has an open invite

Her parents don't look for her under the belief that eventually she'll realize they were right all along and come home

(that isn't what happens)

Gerard was initially going to just take in Pinocchio, as he felt like since they'd shared experiences with kidnapping he could be helpful, and he could help Pinocchio deal with any issues the way he had

(He has not actually dealt with those issues)

Then he met Ylfa totally by accident, not at all arranged by Mr. Wolf in the hope that maybe this man would finally provide a home for two kids who so many felt were too high-maintenance to foster or adopt

So he ended up with two kids

Pib is a cat

He was originally a stray, taken in by Tomas, put in a shelter when Tomas died and then adopted by Timothy

Timothy has his husband, his menace of a son Jack, and inexplicable beef with a gander from the local park. He wants it dead, and the feeling is mutual

From here it's just general headcanons and little scenes

The non-Elody princesses are Rosamund's friends from an etiquette class that all of their terrible parents made them attend. None of them go to the class anymore but they still hang out

They are...maybe not the best influences. They regularly commit petty acts of vandalism and were maybe responsible for that time the school's library almost burned down

At some point one of Rosamund's friends/classmates says that Gerard is kind of hot in a pathetic way, and her first thought it "gross, that's my dad." She then has a minor crisis over when her goofy cousin became her dad

Gerard still exercises, but since it's his first time not working with a personal trainer he cannot figure out why he's getting stronger but not more "muscular." (not defined) Lifting more weight should be better, right?

This does mean he is strong enough to carry all three of his kids at the same time (because yes, Rosamund is his kid, even if not legally), and has carried them all to bed at once without waking them up before

Ylfa goes over the shoulders, as her grip is strong even asleep. Pinocchio is fully baby cradled in one arm, and Rosamund is carried in the other, her face tucked into this shoulder. Pib got Ylfa's back at some point without Gerard noticing, so actually it's three kids and a cat

Pib knows exactly one trick that he'll do on command, and that trick is "attack," where he runs up and smacks whoever without unsheathing his claws

For unknown reasons, he only does this trick for Gerard. Timothy is definitely not jealous

At one point Mr. Wolf was trying to talk to Pinocchio about setting goals and future careers, and Pinocchio panicked and said stand-up comedian

When Mr. Wolf tried to prompt him to set goals, he said he could come up with a good joke in a year. Mr. Wolf tried to hint that maybe that's a little too long. Pinocchio misunderstood and made it a year and a day

Pinocchio: I think that if I don't tell a good joke in a year and a day he's going to kill me

Ylfa, whose life was saved by Mr. Wolf and has known him for much longer: (100% earnestly) yeah, maybe.

Gerard tries to take the gang fishing. It goes badly. Gerard punches a fish

Ylfa has a dorky middle schooler crush on all of Rosamund's friends, especially Snow White. They think its cute and harmless enough not to discourage, much to Rosamund's chagrin

The princesses are also consistently accidentally mean to Gerard (a la "she's married?") They actually think he's a pretty good guy and by far the best parent any of them have, so they feel bad whenever it happens

Gerard does have minor Gilear energy in this au. Sorry bud.

Gerard and Elody's reuniting

For Elody and Gerard reuniting, IDK what leads to it but eventually Elody agrees to one date after starting to realize how much Gerard's changed

Gerard is very excited and spends nearly the entire day preparing for their dinner date

Unfortunately, the power goes out about midway through the day. At first it's kind of fun and everything's fine, date still set to happen

Then it gets dark and suddenly things aren't so fine anymore

Ylfa remembers the nights she stood, starving, staring at the body of her grandmother, trying desperately to pretend that nothing's changed, even as she becomes too dehydrated to cry

Pinocchio remembers that darkness of the closet, the silhouette of his stepmother, the way he could only ever catch glimpses of her sneering face as the door closed once again

Rosamund remembers the weeks of consciousness before she was able to even open her eyes, trapped in darkness by her own uncooperative body, aware yet unable to do anything, to save herself

Gerard might've asked Timothy to help out, but he'd left earlier that day to go on a camping trip with Henry and Jack, so it's up to Gerard to help his kids

So he does the one thing he's ever been good at. He tells them stories.

Some of them are old stories he's known since childhood, but some of them are new

He tells them stories of a brave little girl who was strong enough to survive despite everything, and a clever little boy who knows that sometimes you need to break the rules, and a bold princess who was able to free herself from the prison others had made for her

He does not tell them the story of a cowardly prince, too unlovable to be wanted by his parents or his wife, who has no one to blame for how things turned out but himself

Instead, his kids tell him a story

They tell him the story of a funny, smart, kind king who was beloved by all his subjects. Who never, ever got mad, and was super strong, and would accept any who would seek refuge in his kingdom. The three (four, counting Pib, who Timothy asked them to watch while they were gone) immediately decide it's their favorite

"How can that be your favorite story? That's barely a story at all, it just a list of character traits."

"Too bad, it's our favorite now, so we're gonna tell it every night."

They pass the night with stories and candles until eventually all his kids are happily asleep, and Gerard crashes onto his couch.

He, unfortunately, could not text Elody about this change of plans as his phone died before he could (his phone hasn't been fully charged since he got kids)

Elody shows up the next morning to be like "Why'd you ditch me and also are you still alive because I can't think of anything short of death that would've kept you from showing up"

She is greeted by a very tired Gerard in his pajamas, who asks if she wants to come inside for breakfast

Elody is very confused to be sitting around a table with three kids and a cat while her husband cooks breakfast (when did he learn how to cook?)

The neighbor pops in to say hi and ends up staying for breakfast as well, and Elody is quickly realizing just how much of a life Gerard has made since they separated

It's not a great breakfast. The eggs are kind of rubbery and the bacon is burnt on the edges, but it's far better than she ever imagined Gerard capable of

She...kind of wants to learn what else has changed about Gerard

She also wants to know when, where, and why he acquired these kids

Anyway, that's all I got. Maybe I'll make a continuation if I have any other ideas

[sotacticalsolate]

Either it's too late or it's not, and either way I'd rather be with you.

Turquina is after my heart for real

[sugarplumdone]

[islandoforder]

really enjoying this convo with the blue fairy but that repeating low ominous note is stressing me out

[cakemoney]

intrepid heroes: we better see some steamy fanfics about the fairy with the orange top hat

me, well known as someone who doesn't know how to write smut: on it 🫡

[fibrefox]

Turquina?!

[thinkanamelater]

I love you Fairy with the Turqouise Hair please call me!!

[melancholiaenthroned]

it is happily ever after though. is the thing. which i think somewhat erases whole. point. like its different, nicer stories. but they dont feel any more real especially considering how it seems like everyone forgot the events of the show. i know it just ended and its a little early to start "fairies won" truthing. but. um.

[thepringlesofblood]

Neverafter Minis Auction Tracker!!!!

let’s gooooooooo!!!!!!!

(https://auction.dropout.tv/)

UPDATE (5/21): The auction is over!!!! check under the cut for full list + fun stats ^v^

As I have before, I will keeping track of which minis go up for auction when, what prices they’re at, final prices, and at the end write up a list of every mini (and maxi?!?!) sold in order of how much they sold for, among other fun stats.

I make no promises as to the frequency with which this post is updated, but it will be updated. It was posted 4/21, and last updated 5/21.

*spoilers* for what characters appear in battle in Neverafter

Let’s get ready to rumble!!!

5/1: WHY IS BARREL SWORDSMAN #3 AT $1,501 LIKE 4 HOURS INTO THE AUCTION???? TIM IS AT LIKE $500 TF???

5/15: Wave 3 is live!

5/18: WHY IS BARREL SWORDSMAN #3 back up for auction?????

All minis (& maxis) have the same starting bid- 50$

Table Of Contents (ik ik im sorry)

full list of all minis in order of price

full list stats (e.g. priciest PC, most bidded-on)

groups I kept track of (e.g. who was the most expensive princess?)

the list & stats broken down by wave (aka what I’ve been updating during the auction)

The Tale Of Barrel Swordsman 03

Full list of minis & prices, from most to least expensive

IL TERRIBILE PESCECANE (W2) - $6,368

Pumpkin Carriage (W1) - $6,201


Black Ink (W3) - $4,000


Little Miss Muffet (Cursed) (W1) - $3,601


Mother Timothy Goose X Gander (W3) - $3,504.69 (nice)


disclaimer: this will count as a maxi as well as a PC bc of the Big Fuckin Gander. if it comes first or last I will note the runner-up as well since maxis generally go for more money.


Big Bad Wolf (W3) - $3,303


disclaimer: the (unsouped) Big Bad Wolf will count as a PC, since it is only ever controlled by Emily. It also counts as a maxi since it comes specially packaged and is Big. if it comes first or last I will note the runner-up as well since it’s a bit of a gray area and maxis = $$


Baba Yaga (W3) - $3,270


Pinocchio, Thrice (W3) - $3,205


Big Bad Wolf Soup (W2) - $3,201


Puss In Boots “Pib��, Twice (W2) - $3,003


Ylfa Snorgelsson, Twice (W2) - $3,003

Flying Golden Goose (W2) -$3,001

Mother Timothy Goose, Twice (W2) - $3,001


Pinocchio, Twice  (W2) - $3,001


Prince Gerard of Greenleigh, Twice (W2) - $3,001

Snow White (W3) - $2,952


Princess Rosamund du Prix, Twice (W2) - $2,888

Prince Gerard of Greenleigh, Thrice (W3) - $2,756

Author’s Ink Hand (W3) - $2,501


Ylfa Snorgelsson, Thrice (W3) - $2,501


Prince Gerard of Greenleigh, Once (W1) - $2,401

The Baron of Bricks (Armored) (W2) - $2,002



Ylfa Snorgelsson, Once (W1) - $1,961


Mira (W2) - $1,869

Golden Goose (W2) - $1,816

Princess Rosamund du Prix, Thrice (W3) - $1,715

Rapunzel (W3) - $1,653

The Stepmother (W3) - $1,626


Pinocchio, Once  (W1) - $1,605


Wartime Alphonse (W2) - $1,552

Nara, The Orange Fairy (W3) - $1,502

Bosartia, The Wicked Fairy (W3) - $1,501

Princess Elody of Greenleigh (W3) - $1,501


Princess Rosamund du Prix, Once (W1) - $1,388


Cinderella (W3) - $1,278

Alba Mac Lír, the Sea Witch (W3) - $1,254


Mother Timothy Goose, Once (W1) - $1,235


Scheherazade (W3) - $1,235


Puss In Boots “Pib”, Thrice (W3) - $1,234

Anma, The Green Fairy (W3) - $1,178


Large Catapult (W2) - $1,151

La Bête (W3) - $1,021


Puss In Boots “Pib”, Once (W1) - $1,006


Fairy Godmother (W1) - $1,004


Flat William (W3) - $1,002


Bella, The Red Fairy (W3) - $1,001

Turquina, The Turquoise Fairy (W3) - $1,001


Hilda, The Blue Fairy (W3) - $1,000


Little Miss Muffet (W1) - $1,000


Nura, The Yellow Fairy (W3) - $1,000


Blacksmith Crate Man (W1) - $921


Book Construct (W3) - $901

Paper Monster (W3) - $881


The Mer-king (W2) - $880

Beaky (W3) - $859


Yellow Merrow - $841

Aesop (W3) - $827


Red Merrow (W2) - $827


Alphonse [from the first battle] (W1) - $826


Peter, The Baron of Bricks (W2) - $821


Barrel Swordsmen 03 (W1) - $801


Bean Stalk (W2) - $729


Wizard 2 (W2) - $716

Jack, The Giant Killer (W2) - $707


Golden Egg (W2) - $705

Golden Harp (W2) - $701


Tied Golden Harp (W2) - $700


Blue Merrow 2 (W2) - $669


Blue Merrow 1 (W2) - $667

Tied Golden Goose Egg (W2) - $617

Tom Thumb (W2)- $616


Armored Cow (W2) - $601


Rocking Chair Man (W1) - $600


Wizard 1 - $599


Cross Man (W1) - $553


Thumbelina (W2) - $536


Shovel Man (W1) - $529


Giant (W2) - $501


Barrel Spearman 2 (W1) - $484


Cauldron Woman (W1) - $476


Tray Man (W1) - $465



Barrel Spearman 1 (W1) - $446



Barrel Swordsman 1 (W1) - $445


Barrel Swordsman 2 (W1) - $431


Bed Man (W1) - $421


Hay Man (W1) - $402



Crate Soldier (W1)- $382



Prison Man (W1) - $382


Wheel Barrow Man (W1) - $380



Catapult Man (W1) - $362



Final Stats!

Most Expensive: IL TERRIBILE PESCECANE - $6,368


Least Expensive: Catapult Man (W1) - $362


Most Expensive Mini*: Baba Yaga (W3) - $3,270!


Priciest PC: Mother Timothy Goose X Gander (W3) - $3,504.69 (nice)

as it is a maxi, I will also list the runner-ups

Big Bad Wolf (W3) - $3,303 (also a maxi)

Pinocchio, Thrice (W3) - $3,205

Least Pricey PC: Puss In Boots “Pib”, Once (W1) - $1,006

Most Expensive Named Character**: Little Miss Muffet (Cursed) (W1) - $3,601


Most Expensive Unnamed Character: Author’s Ink Hand (W3) - $2,501


was debating if this counts as a character or not. if you think not, runnerup is Blacksmith Crate Man (W1) - $921

Least Expensive Named Character: Thumbelina (W2) - $536

Least Expensive Unnamed Character:  Catapult Man (W1) - $362


Most Bids: Red Merrow (W2) - 218 bids

Least Bids: Thumbelina (W2) - 15 bids

Most Bidded-on PC: Ylfa Snorgelsson, Twice (W2) - 165 bids

Least Bidded-on PC: Princess Rosamund du Prix, Once (W1) - 16 bids

*excl. maxis like Pumpkin Carriage, Little Miss Muffet (Cursed), and The Baron of Bricks (Armored), Big Bad Wolf Soup, Bean Stalk, Il Terribile Pescecane, both Golden Geese, Large Catapult, Black Ink, Big Bad Wolf, Mother Timothy Goose X Gander, & Alba Mac Lír

**we’re not counting il terribile pescecane as a character rn otherwise it would win everything and be boring

Groups I Was Keeping Track Of!

for shorter lists I just put the minis in price order. for longer ones I just did most and least expensive.

PCs!

Princess Rosamund du Prix

Once: $1,388

Twice: $2,888

Thrice: $1,715

Puss In Boots “Pib”

Once: $1,006


Twice: $3,003

Thrice: $1,234

Pinocchio

Once: $1,605

Twice: $3,001

Thrice: $3,205

Mother Timothy Goose

Once: $1,235

Twice: $3,001

X Gander: $3,504.69 (nice)

Ylfa Snorgelsson

Once: $1,961

Twice: $3,003

Thrice: $2,501

The Big Bad Wolf: $3,303

Prince Gerard of Greenleigh

Once: $2,401

Twice: $3,001

Thrice:
 $2,756

Princesses (not incl. Rosamund or Scheherazade)! 


Snow White (W3)- $2,952

Mira (W2) - $1,869

Rapunzel (W3)- $1,653

Princess Elody of Greenleigh (W3) - $1,501

Cinderella (W3) - $1,278

La Bête (W3) - $1,021

Thumbelina (W2)- $536

I know she wasn’t part of the Daughters of the Crown, but she does become a princess in her fairytale

#JusticeForThumbelina

Fairies!

Nara, The Orange Fairy (W3) - $1,502

Bosartia, The Wicked Fairy (W3)  - $1,501

Anma, The Green Fairy (W3) - $1,178

Fairy Godmother (W1) - $1,004

Bella, The Red Fairy (W3) - $1,001

Turquina, The Turquoise Fairy (W3) - $1,001

Hilda, The Blue Fairy (W3) - $1,000

Nura, The Yellow Fairy (W3) - $1,000

Boss Battle Creatures

Little Miss Muffet (Cursed) (W1): $3,601


The Baron Of The Bricks (mech) (W1): $2,002

The Stepmother (W3)

Hand Of The Authors (W3)

Fairy Godmother (W1): $1,004

The Baron Of The Bricks (pig) (W1): $821

Maxis!

criteria for a maxi

has special packaging

doesn’t fit on one of those circular bases normal minis stand on

vibes

All Maxis

Most Expensive: Il Terribile Pescecane (W2) - $6,368


Least Expensive: Bean Stalk (W2) - $729


Maxi Characters/Living Things

Most Expensive: Il Terribile Pescecane (W2) - $6,368


Least Expensive: Golden Goose (W2) - $1,816


Maxi Set Pieces

Most Expensive: Pumpkin Carriage (W1): $6,201


Least Expensive: Bean Stalk (W2) - $729


Named NPCs (not incl. maxis)


Most Expensive: Baba Yaga (W3) - $3,270

Least Expensive: Thumbelina (W2) - $536 


Mini-Minis

Most Expensive: Jack, The Giant Killer (W2) - $707


Least Expensive: Thumbelina (W2) - $536

#JusticeForThumbelina

Humanoids*

Most Expensive: Baba Yaga (W3) - $3,270

Least Expensive: Crate Soldier (W1)- $382

if you don’t think any furniture people should be considered humanoid, then Giant (W2) - $501 is next least expensive and is 100% humanoid he’s just a guy w one eye



*I have my own separate, questionably precise, extremely complicated criteria for what counts as humanoid in this situation. if u wanna see it, or any of the other lists, dm me, this post is long enough lol

Everything broken down by which wave it was in

Wave 1 (W1): 5/1-5/8 - closed! - all seems to be from the first battle, except Muffet & Baron

Ylfa Snorgelsson, Once - $1,961

Prince Gerard of Greenleigh, Once - $2,401

Princess Rosamund du Prix, Once - $1,388

Pinocchio, Once  - $1,605

Puss In Boots “Pib”, Once - $1,006

Mother Timothy Goose, Once - $1,235

Fairy Godmother - $1,004

Pumpkin Carriage - $6,201

Little Miss Muffet (Cursed) - $3,601

Little Miss Muffet - $1,000

The Baron of Bricks (Armored) - $2,002

Peter, The Baron of Bricks - $821

Bed Man - $421

Crate Soldier - $382

Cross Man - $553

Barrel Spearman 1 - $446

Barrel Spearman 2 - $484

Barrel Swordsman 1 - $445

Barrel Swordsman 2 - $431

Barrel Swordsman 03 -$1,501

least amount of bids at only 4. the 4th bidder was just like ‘let’s end this’ 4 hours into the auction and they sure did.

update (5/18): except it seems they DIDN’T. any accolades formerly awarded to Barrel Swordsman 3 will be removed and given to the runner-up, and he will be counted as a Wave 3 mini. tf??

Cauldron Woman - $476

Catapult Man - $362

Blacksmith Crate Man - $921

Rocking Chair Man - $600

Tray Man - $465

Shovel Man - $529

Prison Man - $382

Wheel Barrow Man - $380

Hay Man - $402

Alphonse [from the first battle] - $826

Wave 1 Stats!

Most Expensive: Pumpkin Carriage - $6,201

Least Expensive: Catapult Man - $362

Priciest PC: Prince Gerard of Greenleigh, Once - $2,401

conversely, Pib was the least pricey PC at $1,006! rip.

Most Expensive Mini*: Prince Gerard of Greenleigh, Once - $2,401

Most Expensive Named Character: Little Miss Muffet (Cursed) - $3,601

Least Expensive Named Character: Peter, The Baron of Bricks - $821

Most Expensive Unnamed Character: Barrel Swordsman 03 -$1,501 Blacksmith Crate Man - $921

Least Expensive Unnamed Character: Catapult Man - $362

Most Bids: Little Miss Muffet (Cursed) - 156 bids

Least Bids: Barrel Swordsman 3 - 4 Cross Man - 42 bids

Most Bidded-on PC: Prince Gerard of Greenleigh, Once - 147 bids

Least Bidded-on PC: Princess Rosamund du Prix, Once - 16 bids

*excl. maxis like Pumpkin Carriage,  Little Miss Muffet (Cursed), and The Baron of Bricks (Armored)

Wave 2 (W2): 5/8-5/15 - closed! - all seem to be from the Toy Island & beanstalk fights, except of course Big Bad Wolf Soup

Ylfa Snorgelsson, Twice - $3,003

Prince Gerard of Greenleigh, Twice - $3,001

Princess Rosamund du Prix, Twice - $2,888

Pinocchio, Twice - $3,001

Puss In Boots “Pib”, Twice - $3,003

Mother Timothy Goose, Twice - $3,001

Big Bad Wolf Soup - $3,201

Mira - $1,869

The Mer-king - $880

Blue Merrow 1 - $667

Blue Merrow 2 - $669

Red Merrow - $827

Yellow Merrow - $841

IL TERRIBILE PESCECANE - $6,368

Flying Golden Goose -$3,001

Golden Goose - $1,816

Tied Golden Goose Egg - $617

Large Catapult - $1,151

Wartime Alphonse - $1,552

Tied Golden Harp - $700

Golden Egg - $705

Golden Harp - $701

Wizard 1 - $599

Wizard 2 - $716

Jack, The Giant Killer - $707

Armored Cow - $601

Giant - $501

Tom Thumb - $616

Thumbelina - $536

Bean Stalk - $729

Wave 2 Stats!

Most Expensive: IL TERRIBILE PESCECANE - $6,368

Least Expensive: Giant - $501

Priciest PC: Pib (twice) and Ylfa (twice) tied at $3,003!

conversely, Rosamund (twice) was the least pricey PC at $2,888! rip. still a lot of money tho

Most Expensive Mini*: Pib and Ylfa tied at $3,003!

Most Expensive Named Character**: Pib and Ylfa tied at $3,003!

Least Expensive Named Character: Thumbelina - $536

Most Expensive Unnamed Character**: Yellow Merrow - $841

Least Expensive Unnamed Character: Giant - $501

Most Bids: Red Merrow - 218 bids

Least Bids: Thumbelina - 15 bids

#justiceforthumbelina

Most Bidded-on PC: Ylfa Snorgelsson, Twice - 165 bids

Least Bidded-on PC: Mother Timothy Goose, Twice - 49 bids

*excl. maxis like Big Bad Wolf Soup, Bean Stalk, Il Terribile Pescecane, both Golden Geese, and Large Catapult (it feels like “Giant” should be a maxi, but it’s actually about human size)

**Il Terribile Pescecane does not count as a character in this circumstance

a fun new stat exclusive to Wave 2 - minis that sold for exactly $3,001!

Flying Golden Goose -$3,001

Mother Timothy Goose, Twice - $3,001

Pinocchio, Twice - $3,001

Prince Gerard of Greenleigh, Twice - $3,001

if I had a nickel for every time a mini in W2 sold for exactly $3,001, I’d have 4 nickels, which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it’s happened 4 times.

Wave 3 (W3): 5/15-5/19 - closed! - final wave!

Black Ink - $4,000

Mother Timothy Goose X Gander - $3,504.69 (nice)

disclaimer: this will now count as a maxi as well as a PC bc of the Big Fuckin Gander. if it comes first or last I will note the runner-up as well since maxis generally go for more money.

Big Bad Wolf - $3,303

disclaimer: the (unsouped) Big Bad Wolf will count as a PC, since it is only ever controlled by Emily. It also counts as a maxi since it comes specially packaged and is Big. if it comes first or last I will note the runner-up as well since it’s a bit of a gray area and maxis = $$

Baba Yaga - $3,270

Pinocchio, Thrice - $3,205

Snow White - $2,952

Prince Gerard of Greenleigh, Thrice - $2,756

Author’s Ink Hand - $2,501

Ylfa Snorgelsson, Thrice - $2,501

Princess Rosamund du Prix, Thrice - $1,715

Rapunzel - $1,653

The Stepmother - $1,626

Nara, The Orange Fairy - $1,502

Bosartia, The Wicked Fairy - $1,501

Princess Elody of Greenleigh - $1,501

Cinderella - $1,278

Alba Mac Lír, the Sea Witch - $1,254

Scheherazade - $1,235

Puss In Boots “Pib”, Thrice - $1,234

Anma, The Green Fairy - $1,178

La Bête - $1,021

Flat William - $1,002

Bella, The Red Fairy - $1,001

Turquina, The Turquoise Fairy - $1,001

Hilda, The Blue Fairy - $1,000

Nura, The Yellow Fairy - $1,000

Book Construct - $901

Paper Monster - $881

Beaky - $859

Aesop - $827

Barrel Swordsmen 03 - $801

Wave 3 stats!

Most Expensive: Black Ink - $4,000

Least Expensive: Barrel Swordsmen 03 - $801 (oh how the mighty have fallen)

Priciest PC: Mother Timothy Goose X Gander - $3,504.69 (nice)

as it is a maxi, I will also list the runner-ups

Big Bad Wolf - $3,303 (also a maxi)

Pinocchio, Thrice - $3,205

conversely, Puss In Boots “Pib”, Thrice was the least pricey PC at $1,234! rip. 


Most Expensive Mini*: Baba Yaga - $3,270

Most Expensive Named Character: Mother Timothy Goose X Gander - $3,504.69 (nice)

as it is a maxi, I will also list the runner-ups

Big Bad Wolf - $3,303 (also a maxi)

Baba Yaga - $3,270

Least Expensive Named Character: Aesop - $827

Most Expensive Unnamed Character: 
Author’s Ink Hand - $2,501

was debating if this is a character or not. if you think it’s not, the runner-up is Book Construct - $901. not a lot of unnamed characters in this wave

Least Expensive Unnamed Character: Barrel Swordsmen 03 - $801

Most Bids: Nara, The Orange Fairy - 133 bids

Least Bids: 
Scheherazade - 17 bids

Most Bidded-on PC: Princess Rosamund du Prix, Thrice - 111 bids

Least Bidded-on PC: Puss In Boots “Pib”, Thrice - 20 bids

*excluding maxis like Black Ink, Big Bad Wolf, Mother Timothy Goose X Gander, & Alba Mac Lír

The Tale of Barrel Swordsmen 03

at a maximum of 4 hours into Wave 1, the 4th bid on Barrel Swordsman 03 was placed for $1,501. Most of the other minis (including PCs) hadn’t even broken 1,000 at this point. When wave 1 closed, Barrel Swordsman 03 was sold for $1,501.

for comparison, Barrel Swordsman 01 sold for $445, and 02 for $431. In fact, all of the furniture people sold for the lowest prices in the whole auction. Except, it seemed, for Barrel Swordsman 03, who beat out Rosamund (once) at $1,388, Tim (once) at $1,235.

it seemed that was all to the story.

until.

[taken 6:32 pm EST on 5/18]

i mean there can only be one answer - the person that bid $1,501 for him couldn’t pay up. so...he’s back on the market?????

he returns. with a slightly new title: Barrel Swordsmen 03. he has multiplied since we saw him last. or, in their haste to get him up on the site before the auction closed, the person writing his name mistyped (understandable and much more likely).

he sells for $801. on the higher end of the furniture-people prices, but nowhere near his former glory

who are you, bidder #4? what were you trying to do? how did it all go so wrong?

/j

that’s it folks. have a good one!

[d20unfuckability]

[jq37]

The fact Gerard's vision of a better world is 'none of that 5am bullshit, we wake up at 8 to workout', just the best. I wonder if Ylfa's still got dawg in her, or if that's not a thing in her new reality. Anyway, another great finale for the books, wrapped more satisfyingly than I expected. There were so many threads, I didn't think they would have the time. I was expecting the Top Hat Fairy to do something to help like Turquina, but *shrug*. I suppose Ylfa having that hat for the rest battle was enough help and was definitely not a waste of precious resources. *sighs* So many 20's, so many stressful Box of Doom's, on the edge of my seat the whole time, satisfying conclusions to everyone's story arcs. You can't ask for better than that.

OK this has been sitting in my inbox for a bit for two reasons. The first is I've just been majorly busy with IRL stuff. The second is that I have...let's say mixed feelings about Neverafter as a whole having seen the finale. 

Like, as a vehicle for comedy (which Dimension 20 largely is--makes sense considering the cast is all comedians who are friends. A recipe for shenanigans if I've ever heard one) the season absolutely succeeded. There were very few moments of this season where I wasn't entertained. Thinking about Ylfa saying the phrase, "honking big" will break me every time. Watching the cast lose their mind during adventuring party every week as they descended further into madness was fantastic. And Ylfa going in for the kiss w/ Pinnochio at the end had me dying. 

But as a story? And specifically, as a story ABOUT stories? 

Ehhhhhhhhhhh.

[To be clear, I am talking about MY opinions here. To everyone who really loved how this season wrapped up, that's fantastic! I'm just talking about me and my thoughts. Even when I'm making broad statements, I'm still just talking about me. Cool? Cool.]

Just to start with the broadest thing, it is *insane* to have a finale that is nigh incomprehensible without having watched some bonus content, and honestly, only slightly more comprehensible if you have watched that bonus content. Like, was it FUNNY to see the full cast practically melting as they went feral for the Orange Fairy? Yes, obviously. But it also undercut any sense of like real stakes or weight to the entire affair. 

I'm not the biggest fan of final fights in general because it often feels like just drawn-out math, but I feel like, even factoring that in, the fight didn't feel as engaging as it could because by the second part of the fight, we were fighting characters we hadn't spent a lot of time with. Like, sure, I have thoughts about how the princesses were handled but we did spend time with them. Enough time to at least have some sort of opinion when they were taken down. And enough time for characters to have relationships with them that paid off during their fights--Red taking down La Bete for instance, or Pinnochio reaching out to Mira. With the fairies, we only really met three of them (Turq, The Evil One, and the Godmother), and we really only got a half-decent read on Turq. So it really wasn't that emotionally satisfying (outside of whatever emotion they were CLEARLY getting from their Orange Fairy Acid Trip). 

And then the Authors we know the least about! There were all these meta elements that were introduced in this season that weren't really explored much at all. So that element felt really obligatory to me. It was like, the fighting of a vague concept. Which isn't to say that can't work. They fully fight the American Dream in Unsleeping City 1. But that worked for me because (1) they had the concrete villain of Robert Moses to fight as well and (2) there was a very clear thematic reason they were fighting the American Dream. Put a pin in that, I'm coming back to it. 

The last two big elements in the fight are the Gander who didn't really do anything but by all accounts, SHOULD have been a bigger player and the Stepmother who ABSOLUTELY should have felt more satisfying to defeat because I actually think she has one of the more interesting stories in the story. Unlike the princesses (who struck me as shortsighted and selfish at worst and majorly misguided at best) and the PCs (who felt very rebel without a cause and a bit aimless for large parts of the season), I fully understand why a character who is always written to be evil would want to be like OK, screw it. Burn it all down. But then, at the last second, we get this, "No, wait, I actually wanted to free us all from the authors" thing and it just feels like it comes out of nowhere. Like, maybe giving her her name back gave her back her humanity or something, Fine. But it gave me so much whiplash. We did not spend enough time with her story threads for that to work imo. 

Going back to the Authors thing now. I'm going to skip over a bunch of my logistical questions about them (Is that one ink hand speaking for all Authors? For only some? What even is an Author in the context of this world? Is the world that exists above the Never After even really our world? Fairy Tales don't even have set authors most of the time. They're oral tradition. What does killing an ink hand do mechanically in the actual world? Did they kill the entire concept of storytelling or just give one person bad writer's block? ) and go to my thematic question which is, what is the tone that was meant to be struck here? Or I guess rather, why was this the tone struck? The idea of Authors as a malevolent force and that never really being challenged is so bizarre to me. Because storytelling as a concept exists in their world. So why would they assume malevolence rather than people who just don't understand they're playing with the lives of sentient beings? Like, I get the concept of seeing something just beyond your meagre comprehension and cracking. I really do. But that really only happened when Tim saw the ink. Everyone seemed to just jump on the "Authors Evil" bandwagon and didn't examine that further. And I guess you're not obligated to look further into the people who are controlling your life against your will (though, I really don't understand to what degree the Authors were actually doing that--add that question to the pile) but that makes for a very unsatisfying story beat. 

But even outside of that, it's a weird take on storytelling from a storyteller in a medium where you're seeing the storyteller on screen at all times along with the other six storytellers who are telling the story. It's like, an insane level of dissonance, watching someone narrate about how Authors are so cruel and uncaring while watching seven people who are so passionate about what they do, clearly having a great time in the world they created. It made that thread ring hollow to me. And I'm not trying to do some kind of pedantic gotcha like, "Oh ho. You said storytelling is bad and yet you are a storyteller. Interesting." That's not what I'm saying. If you want to tell a story about control and lack of control and agency and all that, then I can see having your players play characters who are being controlled by authors. But it wasn't explored in a way that made any kind of point other than, "Free will is good." Which...yeah. And I initially thought it was very cool that they were telling a story about character feeling like they didn't have agency in a medium where we literally have to watch the "extraplanar beings" controlling the characters' agency because I thought they were going to do something interesting with it but they never really did. Frustrating. 

There were hella loose ends that were never tied (What actually caused the Neverafter to merge? What does the Auroratory actually do? What caused the times of shadow*? What was going on in the other worlds?) but lastly, I just want to touch on the loose ends that actually *were* tied. Specifically in the epilogue. 

So the idea here is everyone gets to write their own stories. That sounds good in theory. But, in reality, people are gonna have wishes that contradict. And people are gonna have wishes that are bad. And people are gonna have wishes that control other people. Like, in this new reality Tom Thumb wakes up at 8. But that's what Ger wants. Is that what Tom wants? In this new reality Elody and Ger are divorced. Did they both want that? What if one of them didn't want that? What if multiple people want to be married to the same person? What if multiple people want to be royalty of the same place? What if multiple people want to be despotic dictators or the same place?

I'm not going to go through every epilogue, but Roz's in particular gave me pause. Not because she decided to not give herself a true love and in fact specify a cruddy dating life for herself--wouldn't have been my move but do you girl. No, it made me go "huh?" because Siobhan said that in this rewritten version, instead of avoiding spindles, she gets really good at handling spindles, and then when the witch shows up with a spindle, she knows how to handle herself. But that's just like...not how Sleeping Beauty works? Like, it's not that Auora's curse takes hold because she was bad at spindles. It happens because she was cursed to die (softened to sleep) when pricked by a spindle on that day and time! Michael Jordan could have been cursed to die via basketball on his 25th birthday and no amount of talent would have saved him because it's not about life experience. It's about magic. And like, I get that she wanted to have more agency in her story but that's just like...not Sleeping Beauty at that point. If she had been like, "So I spend my whole childhood preparing to face the evil fairy and defeat her in a battle of wits/magic/sword fighting/Uno/etc before my curse takes hold instead of letting people solve the problem for me" then that would have tracked for me. But as is? That was just bizarre. 

And then also the fact that the Stepmother AND the Gander were just like, good in this world? The stepmother, I can maybe kinda sorta buy. Like, I have questions 100%. Was this what Cinderella wanted? For her abusive stepmother to just get a clean slate to be in her life again? We're not given any indication that the Stepmother is really a nice person who is being forced to play into the villain kayfabe by her puppet masters and really in her heart just wants to be good. But that COULD happen (and I wish it had) so sure. Fine. But the Gander? The Gander, this primal force, just wants to be good and wander? First off, not the main thing here, but if I was Tim and this dude made my son turn to bones I'd be like??? No??? But also, I thought the Gander was like, a force of the universe! The opposite of the Goose! Yin and Yang type stuff! He can just be good with no cosmological consequences???

(Also, as I said, it's really kind of jarring to watch these characters like struggle for control of their stories and then just, in real time, while 6 actors put words in their mouths about what their best life is. I know that's the nature of the game but it doesn't make it not weird to watch.)

In conclusion, I found this season exceptionally funny but also not very narratively cohesive. I really wish it had come together a bit better because I really love fairy tales. My thesis project right now (which I'll probably share on here when I'm done with it)  is a fairy tale retelling and the last major writing project I worked on had a lot of fairy tale inspiration as well. I think there were a lot of potentially interesting ideas in this season! Pinocchio asking why other kids get to mess up but he can't is a great beat. Pib as an incarnation of an archetypical trickster spirit is inspired. The effects of a True Love's Kiss spell wearing off as your marriage crumbles has interesting implications. But it didn't coalesce in what I felt was a satisfying way. I admire the effort that went into this season and would love to see Brennan's notes because I'm sure there's a lot we never got to (some of which might answer some of my questions) but as is, it felt a bit overstuffed and underbaked. 

*OK, we actually did get an answer to this question, but it was so tautological as to be basically meaningless and I would like a more in-depth answer. 

PS: Oh! I got kind of carried away and didn't answer everything in your message. Let me fix that! 

-I think Ylfa is just a normal girl now. I did think Roz taking her in once she was separated from the wolf was very sweet. I have some existential questions about the splitting situation but the moment was still sweet regardless. I do like that people still draw her with the wolf ears though. Wolf ears are always fun. 

-It *is* very funny that Ger had a page to write literally whatever he wanted and that made the list. 

-I am fascinated by what would have happened if they'd failed that roll. I know Brennan said they'd have time looped back to the start and ended on a bummer note, but I mean like, what would the table's energy have been like. They've never lost like that before. Still haven't. And I didn't really *want* them to but also...my fatal flaw is curiosity so you know...

-Them fighting fully corrupted Tim would have been interesting too. What a cool what could have been. I'm sure there are so many of those. 

-That damn Top Hat. Do you think they're actually gonna sell that with the rest of the minis or keep it?

[carelesscuriosity]

“What’s the point of magic if you can’t rewrite destiny” - Turquina

[charas-dnd-stuff]

i liked it better when they had no names

like what the fuck kind of name is Turquina???

[katiefratie]

Awww Turquina just wants to be with Pinocchio she always just wanted to help him 🥺

[letsstopfightingit]

Turquina needs to be less cryptic if she wants to be trusted— not that we would haha