#tumblr’s aging userbase at it again

[snarky-synesthete]

I separate mine by where it goes. Pants go together in a load (both mine & Mr. Snark’s). Tops that need hangers go in a load. Things-what-go-in-drawers go in a load. Towels go in a load. Each of the Snarklings have a laundry basket in their rooms: theirs are washed separately so they A) don’t get confused as to whose clothes are whose and B) can put their own clothes away without having to sort through the rest of the family’s.

Yes, each load is a full load. We have a lot of clothes and we wait until we’ve got enough for a full load before we wash.

This is really an ADHD hack for me tbh. I saw someone post something once about how their ADHD conceptualizes “steps in a task” differently, depending on how bad of a brain-day it happened to be; it shed light on how I myself think. For me, for example, making cereal in the morning of a good brain-day might look like this:

1) Enter kitchen

2) Make cereal

While making cereal on a bad brain-day might look more like this:

1) Enter kitchen

2) Turn on light

3) Open pantry

4) Find cereal box

5) Retrieve cereal box

6) Open cupboard

7) Find bowl

8) Retrieve bowl

9) Open cereal box

10) Pour cereal into bowl

11) Open fridge

12) Find milk

13) Retrieve milk

14) Open milk

You see where this goes, yeah? I’m on step 14 and I haven’t even poured the milk into my cereal bowl yet. There are still half-a-dozen more steps until I can eat. Guess what happens on a bad brain day? I just don’t eat. Or I’ll eat dry cereal out of the box. I used to drink those ready-made protein shakes until they started messing with my digestion. Anyway.

The laundry being sorted by where it GOES? Game-changer. Fewer identification-tasks have to take place, which for a low-reward job like laundry (repetitive, Sisyphean, why can’t it just live in the clean basket, oh wait right I hate ironing even more than folding/hanging…) makes it a lot more tolerable and a lot less taxing. I feel like I use fewer “executive function spoons” that way. Oh look, a basketful of socks, undershirts, and underwear. All of those are going in these three drawers right here. Oh look, work shirts: time for a hanger-hunt, but they all go here in this closet. Towel time? They might be mis-matched but they’re all going on this same bathroom shelf, all folded the same way.

It might not work for everyone, but it’s a HUGE help to me.

Feel free to explain how you sort in the tags

[seaquestions]

i understand 100% everyone who gets snippy on the phone w/ customer service (not yelling obviously like thats a line you shouldnt cross) because on god bell canada is gonna turn me into a full-on... i shouldnt say it actually.

[10-dutchies-12-bicycles]

💖 oatmeal 💖

[rin-hanarin]

Not me writing a single fic since February 12th, what 💀

[knightofkestrels]

day full of meetings? 4+ hours trapped in Teams calls? hell, awful, terrible horrible no good very bad, please god just let it end

day empty of meetings with no commitments? hell, awful, terrible horrible no good very bad, please god just give me something to DO

I never thought I would WANT to have meetings but like. one, maybe two in a day gives some structure to the time.

I have only four meetings this entire week... this is so weird and eerie and I don't like it!

[magentas-dystopia]

I don't think I've ever seen a good take on Tumblr about music and this recent fiasco of the majority white userbase floundering to justify not listening to rap/ hip-hop is proof of it. So far You guys literally have pulled:

"rap is too violent for me" (stereotype that's painfully untrue and rooted in anti blackness)

"I'm autistic and rap hurts my brain" (I'm autistic and I know other autistic people who like rap)

"I listen to rap!! (And lists something that isn't rap in the slightest)"

"insert something racist here" (self explanatory)

"does Hamilton count" (I will stab you in a dark alleyway)

Please I beg on my hands and knees for you to listen to expand your musical horizons, go outside your comfort zone. To get a complex and rich understanding of the world, one must view art from people outside Their own fixed walks of life. I've put this gently but also, you don't need to fucking reiterate that "you dont like rap" or "you don't listen to ( insert black artist)" every time you speak on a subculture that you're not a part of. The conversation isn't about you! Move on! I will say that if there are people who WANT to listen to rap/hip-hop there is a plethora of artists to choose from from many different backgrounds that aren't what white media has illustrated it to be.

Some albums I can reccomend off the top of my head:

Saba - Few Good Things

McKinley Dixon - Beloved! Paradise! Jazz?!

Kendrick Lamar - to pimp a butterfly + Good Kid Maad City (2 classics)

Noname - room 25 + Telefone (both great albums)

Little simz - sometimes I might be introvert

A tribe called quest - low end theory

Denzel Curry - Melt my Eyez See your future

Outkast - Aquemini + Stankonia (again, both great albums)

JPEGMAFIA - LP! + All My Heros Are Cornballs (2 fantastic albums also I think he's rlly hot and he's probably my favourite artist ever)

Grouptherapy - I was mature for my age but I was still a child!

The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill (probably one of my favourite albums ever, To Zion still makes me cry a lot ;;)

I will say this over and over again until the cows come home but please for the love of all that is holy, you can't just keep fucking repeating dumb shit on the internet about something you know nothing about.

If you want to engage in new music it's never been more accessible and artists like Denzel Curry and McKinley Dixon even have bandcamps for you to support their music on if you don't like streaming services.

I hope this recent beef of the year has managed to actually make people listen to more black and brown artists. Music is something I'm very passionate about and all of these albums in some way have affected me on a personal level and changed my perspective on life and molded me as a person (and also some just sound really fucking good).

[antisocialxconstruct]

okay I've been thinking about this poll all day and. I have some thoughts lmao

Obviously we all know a tumblr poll is not exactly a reliable way to do a demographic survey and of course you're disproportionately going to get responses from active rebloggers because... the people who don't reblog aren't going to reblog your poll, are they? BUT I do think there's something to be said for the evidence that people currently active on tumblr are disproportionately people who have been on tumblr a long time, and trying to lay the issue of declining engagement at the feet of "new users" not understanding site etiquette is... well, flattening a more complex issue (gasps of shock and horror). So I've been thinking about other things that could explain the supposed issue people are identifying:

new users who don't know site etiquette: okay yes, I'll admit that it IS A Thing. I have seen the very very small sampling of people who recently joined and didn't think reblogging was "for" them for whatever reason--they think it's rude to reblog from someone you don't know, or they feel obligated to add something insightful to every reblog, or whatever else. But I also don't think people realistically operate under these misunderstandings for very long. All you have to do is use the site for a while and follow a few different people to realize no one else is abiding by those kinds of rules, and people who want to be active and engage with other blogs will start doing it pretty fast.

a lot of early users left: there have been a few waves of people leaving tumblr for various reasons, especially the porn ban and various other Bad Decisions made since then, and also some people just migrated to other social media sites that suited their needs better or aged out of their interest in fandom/blogging/etc. Some of the people who used to most actively use tumblr the way you think is "correct" may just not be around anymore.

shifting demographics: I know tumblr used to be almost exclusively associated with fandom, but you have to accept that there are a lot of people doing a lot of different things here now. Some people are treating it like a diary, or a dev log, or just a place to be really obsessed with something singular and niche. They may enjoy your work, but if it's not what their blog is for, they're not going to put it on their blog.

larger numbers don't translate 1:1 into more interaction: I can tell you this one from extensive personal experience. After a certain threshold, your follower count, the size of a fandom, the overall userbase of the site, none of it actually means a proportional number of new people engaging with your work. You will have a stable base of established fans/followers who have stuck around long enough to be invested, and an occasional new person who discovers your work and is enthusiastic, but for every one of those there will be five, ten, twenty tourists and casual enjoyers who might like to see what you make but don't resonate with it enough to directly respond to it. (Double that ratio again if you're asking for money.) Expecting all or most of them to make the switch to active fans will drive you nuts.

you're confusing interaction you want with interaction you "should" be getting: look. Nobody wants to hear this one. But is your engagement actually bad or are you just not reaching your desired audience? This could mean any number of things, if you're trying to build a presence or start a career, are you posting at peak hours? Are you posting in a way that's accessible to people? Are you using relevant tags, doing enough self promotion? It's grueling. People want to be so proud of how tumblr has no algorithm and no influencers so you have to accept that you're playing on hard mode. Alternatively, if what you want is a cozy, close-knit fan community, are you cultivating that? Are you engaging with other people's work with the energy you expect from them? Are you starting conversations and respecting boundaries? These communities don't just spring into being organically, they have to be fostered and maintained.

[rabbithaver]

are we really doing the 4chan raid panics again

not to be all "#Aging Tumblr Userbase" but like. can we pick a new mass panic because this one's been done before

[shuunnico]

You now own Tumblr. How do you fix it?

I don't have all the information to make those decisions. My ideal going in would be:

-Fixing the website so it functions properly. If that requires a complete rework of the site, so be it. -More aggressive bot purging and more moderators -Better filtering and age protections -A bigger shift to an art focus. Advertise it was a blogging site and art hosting site. -Bring back the NSFW content, but with enough filters and protections that it will basically be invisible to those who don't want it -Do monthly fun things, like crabs/checkmarks -Have a 'premium' account that does things like giving you larger file sizes, free blazes (for you or others) and every month you get the above 'fun things' for automatically. -Remove Tumblr Live and just give it better embedding/streaming options -Allow for 'locked' content that users can put behind a subscription -Better data protection -Eventually try and create a 'Patreon-esque' setup where people can support their favorite creators -Move the Tumblr headquarters out of New York and somewhere cheaper, cutting back on costs

If Apple/Android take issue with the NSFW content, just eat the hit. Reformat the site so it works well on either desktop or mobile. Make a big stink about it and promote the site as for artistic expression instead of kowtowing to corporate censorship.

There is no better place for artists than Tumblr. No other social media site works as well for art. The removal of NSFW tanked their userbase, which is the only reason why Tumblr isn't the go-to for art hosting now.

I can promise you, if you were create a bunch of new resources so artists can better promote their artwork and moderate their fanbase, it'd be attractive to artists again. With the NSFW ban lifted, users will start flocking back to the site. With users coming back to Tumblr, it will only attract more artists. The cycle will perpetuate itself.

[metalforhands]

Character Preferences Survey: RESULTS

Last week, I made a survey for Fallout 4, Mass Effect, and Dragon Age fans to fill out. I asked who people romanced, and I asked for their favorite characters. I kept the questions vague as to avoid complications and caveats. Using these results, I managed to find several interesting trends, as well as instances of overlap between character preferences in fans.

I made a Google document detailing all of my findings. However, I will also include the very same findings below to make the results easier to access.

Finally, I will be attaching a link to this post in the original post. Happy reading! Thank you to all who participated!

Before I begin, I would like to include a few disclaimers. 

I received 240 survey responses. It’s impossible to have every single person who has played these games fill out this survey. Consequently, the results will never be truly indicative of actual popularity. This survey is merely for fun, and so long as we all remember the results are heavily skewed towards the Tumblr userbase’s preferences, this document should make for an interesting read! If your favorite didn’t perform too well, don’t feel bad. Out of the 240 people who filled out this survey, there are thousands more who didn’t, and who like your favorite as well.

Also worth noting, I did not include Morinth because I assumed her numbers would be too low to draw any similarities. However, I want to take this moment to give a shout out to the Morinth romancers. Thank you to Tumblr user @fivekoboldsinacoat for speaking up for everyone who loves their serial killer girlfriend! Genuinely, nothing but respect from me.

If you are curious about anything not mentioned on this document, please feel free to reply here. I will either reblog with a batch of replies, or reply using my main account, @prezs. Thank you!

-

NOTABLE ROMANCE TRENDS

FALLOUT 4

Hancock: Stealing the title of most popular Fallout 4 romance! People who romanced Hancock have massive overlap with people who used the Nick Valentine romance mod. There was also significant overlap with people who romanced Garrus, Zevran, Anders, and Fenris. Dragon Age: Inquisition, however, is a complete wildcard for most Hancock romancers.

Danse: Runner up for most popular Fallout 4 romance! Significant overlap with people who romanced Kaidan, Alistair (we’ll get to the specifics of this one), and Cullen. Twenty of the sixty people who romanced Danse did not romance Alistair… and out of these twenty, nine of them have not played a single game in the Dragon Age series. Keeping this in mind, that means approximately 83% of people who romanced Danse, and also played Dragon Age, romanced Alistair. Kaidan and Cullen also have similar overlap, but not to the degree of Alistair.

MacCready: A strong performance from our resident single dad! I was curious to see if MacCready had any overlap with other widowed companions, like Thane, but I couldn’t find anything. MacCready romancers were most likely to romance Garrus in Mass Effect, however. It’s okay! I get it! You guys love snipers! I completely understand. Do you think MacCready should get a sexy face scar too? Let’s discuss.

Preston Garvey: Similarly to Danse, most people who romanced Preston also romanced Alistair. Again, not to the same degree, but enough to be notable.

MASS EFFECT

Garrus: Our second sweeper. Similarly to Alistair, he was a common denominator among several people. However, there was a notable trend between people who romanced Hancock and people who romanced Garrus. Likewise, it seems there were several people who romanced both Kaidan and Garrus. This can either be attributed to separate playthroughs, or breaking up with Kaidan after the first Mass Effect.

Kaidan: Aside from the similarities with Danse romancers mentioned above, for those who have not played Fallout 4, the overlap between people who romanced Kaidan and those who romanced Alistair and Cullen was also incredibly strong. Likewise, several people who did not romance anyone in Fallout 4 also romanced Kaidan, Alistair, and Cullen.

Jack: While lacking in votes, the most overlap Jack romancers had was with Cait romancers! This… makes a lot of sense, the more I think about it. In fact, even with Jack’s lower numbers, this makes the overlap with Cait romancers even more notable.

DRAGON AGE

Alistair: He swept! What more can I say? Alistair was probably the one common denominator among most people taking the poll, which is a compliment to his popularity with so many different people. Because of this, he showed up SO often to the point where it was hard to pinpoint too many trends. Anything with unusual overlap will be mentioned in other character sections (see Kaidan, Danse, and Preston).

Fenris: Runner up for most popular Dragon Age romance. Something, something, joke about who swept who off the other’s feet here. While most Fenris romancers are wildcards in other games, the only character with notable overlap was Hancock.

Zevran: Ah, our favorite Antivan assassin! Aside from Hancock, Zevran was extremely popular with people who have never played Fallout 4 and people who have romanced several characters per game, more than likely due to different playthroughs.

Cullen: Several of his trends (primarily with Kaidan, Danse, and Alistair) have been mentioned above.

Anders: Hilariously, Anders was the only character who managed to have several people who romanced him, but did not include him on their favorite characters list. A testament to his divisive nature. I see you guys! You made me laugh! The only notable overlap I noticed was with Hancock romancers. That, and Anders appeared on a lot of lists where the voter romanced several characters instead of just sticking to one or two.

FINAL ROMANCE COMMENTARY

Of course, exceptions exist! Several do! I know I’m one of them, as my main romances were Danse, Liara, Alistair, Fenris, and Dorian. Well, I’m not an exception to the Danse and Alistair hive-mind. But, uh. Join us?

Regardless, I may or may not have missed more subtle trends. If you’re curious about the overlap between specific characters, PLEASE let me know in the comments! I’ll be happy to update this post and answer your question.

GENERAL POPULARITY

I feel the poll results speak for themselves here. Most voters included their romanced characters in this section, along with other non-romanceable favorites. While there were exceptions to this, anything truly notable was mentioned above.

The results were also not too surprising. Nick Valentine absolutely demolished the Fallout 4 polls. Mass Effect and Dragon Age, while with more variety in their leads, also brought in unsurprising results.

For Mass Effect, Tali, despite not polling too well in the romance section, took the lead in general popularity! Following her is Garrus, Wrex, Legion, and Mordin, with an honorable mention to Jack, Grunt, and Thane. Non-romanceable companions polling so well over several of the romanceable ones goes to show how skilled Mass Effect is at making you care about Shepard’s platonic relationships.

For Dragon Age, Alistair initially demolished the poll, but Dorian crept behind him right into first place! Also popular was Morrigan (who, like Tali, scored well in the popularity section but not the romance one), Zevran, Merrill, Fenris, Varric, and Josephine. Special note goes out to Varric, the only one who cannot be romanced and managed to give Dorian and Alistair a run for their money!

Tali, Morrigan, Leliana, Merrill, Cassandra, and several of the other romanceable women performed well in the popularity section, but not in the romance section. Tali, Morrigan, and Cassandra are only able to be romanced by male Shepards, male Wardens, and male Inquisitors respectively. Leliana, all of the Dragon Age 2 women, and all of the Fallout 4 women can be romanced by anyone. Romantic unpopularity for these characters can probably be attributed to the Tumblr user base, who not only tend to play as female characters, but also tend to be drawn to male characters. I believe our results would be different on, say, Reddit, where the votes of heterosexual men playing as male protagonists would be more common.

[twelfth-dykector]

HI TUMBLR. okay basically i probably dont have bpd but i am considering the possibility that i might and instead of investigating by doing more research i am going to ask the tumblr userbase to diagnose me. which is a completely #Flawless idea. heres an my case :

TRIGGER WARNING MENTIONS OF SELF HARM AND SUICIDE‼️‼️‼️‼️

(oh and also. im not gonna self-diagnose myself wirh bpd because of this poll. i know a large majority of yous will know very little about bpd im just doing this for the funsies)

oh and also the only research i have done is the nhs website. which i know is Bad but whatever

Y'SEE I PROBABLY DONT HAVE BPD. AND IF I DO ITS VERY MILD. ITS PROBABLY JUST A SEVERE ANXIETY DISORDER. butttttt.

the four main symtoms (from the nhs website) and how they relate to me. BECAUSE YOU CARE!!!!!

emotional instability → OH THIS ONE IS STRONGGGGG. i do often experience intense negative emotions yeah!!!!! but im guessing everyone does so i dunno. AND it saus 'It's common for people with BPD to feel suicidal with despair, and then feel reasonably positive a few hours later' WHICH IS THE MOST MECORE THING OF ALL TIME. the mother has remarked that this is a Thing for Years

Disturbed patterns of thinking → three main types; upsetting thoughts (THIS ONE IS CONSTANT. I AM BEING SO FR IT NEVER ENDS I HAVE BEEN FEELING LIKE THIS FOREVER EVERY MINUITE OF EVERY DAY PRETTY MUCH FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE :3) + brief episodes of strange experiences (this one is not so common, i dont 'hear voices outside my head' as such but there is Always the evil bastard voice thats constantly telling me that im Evil and Horrible ajd no one likes me. which, again. i presume is normal. and i talk to myself (and other ppl in my head) Constantly but i think thats normal. hopefully.) + prolonged episodes of abnormal experiences (i dont have hallucinations but i do have 'distressing beliefs that no one can talk you out', but i figured that was just ocd. who knows? not me!

impulsive behaviour → self harm (had Issues with this from ages (around) ages 8-14 but im genuinely Good now and have been clean for over two years. i very nearly killed myself during this time aswell. + 'a strong impulse to engage in reckless and irresponsible activities' and i just am planning on avoiding everything included in this (drinking, drugs etc) because i thinj that i very easily Could become addicted/dependant on them and i often Do want to do all the things the website lists but i dont. because im cool ^•^

unstable relationships → hm. i dunno what to think about this one. because i generallt dont let myself care about ppl enough/get close enough with ppl for this to be an issue because i Know my brain will fuck it up and i will get Scared and stop liking them/become convicned that they dislike me and distance myself from them as a result. OH BUT I DID ONCE. and. well. ohmygid. just realised that this is textbook unstable bpd relationship. okay long story short: be eleven year old me (who has never had proper friends who understand her(?) due to autism etc → find another autistic (who was deeply messed up) → becomes friends with her → becomes So obbsessed with her (i had previously defined it as being platonically in love with her but now...... who knows) → would literally Not leave her alone, walk/follow(?) her home (i did not realise this was Bad because she agreed with it and appeared to enjoy it but apparently she didnt like it as she told me when we stopped being friends), would text her alot, would maybe follow her around during school time idk???? this was many years ago i dont fully rememembr) → said mean things afew times (by accident, didnt realise they were mean) that i hate myself for every day but after discussing it with a friend they laughed because apprently what i said wasnt mean at all. remember. i was eleven. this was manu years ago and i have a bad memory) → because of the things said, she stops being my friend and tells me (among other things) that im the cause of all of her problems (important context here: she was from a muslim family and i was her bisexual awakening. and part of the wau throigh our friendship she stopped being muslim) -> have now not seen her in manyyy years but i still cry at the mention of her and think about her multiple times a day

and other things that may be relevant :

i have reallyyyyy severve rsd. like. i can barely make friends because im So scared all the time and for a large time i could barely leave the flat because of it. and theres probably more that i forgor

im happy

i have autism, adhd, anxiety anr i did have ocd but its quite mild now

has had Really bad intrusive thoughts since a very young age, eg i remember very young me writhing around on the floor crying because i couldnt get graphic thoughts of the ppl i love being tortured out of my head

so, vote!!!!!

i'd really appreciate it if ppl reblogged for reach but no pressure :)

[mentally-homeless]

aging tumblr userbase just passing the old friends senior dog sanctuary I just want to get dicked down again post back and forth

[wariodemambo]

❝ ATTENTION AGING TUMBLR USERBASE. It is ONCE AGAIN time to purchase the LATEST in the LEGENDARY WarioWare series... WarioWare: MOVE IT! Releasing for the Nintendo Switch 11/3. ❞

❝ IT'S GOT EVERYTHING! But most importantly, ME - the most handsome man on the planet. By following this account, you are CONTRACTUALLY MANDATED to purchase my NEW GAME. ❞

❝ PRE ORDER IT. BUY IT DAY ONE. BUY IT DAY 2! I DON'T CARE. BUT YOU BETTER BUY IT THE WEEK IT RELEASES OR I'LL KNOCK YER BLOCK OFF. ❞

[datadegroove]

like what is with people in charge of certain types of shit and seeming to actively hate their primary consumers. tumblr has the one thing that every business should desire at its core: a moderately-sized userbase that is loyal enough to mostly put up with all of their bullshit and provides constructive criticism when it comes to any sort of change. and they would appear to be more interested in destroying every aspect of that by terming notorious users for no reason, starting shit with us, and continuously rolling out changes that we have stated over and over again we don't want. like i've said this before but their primary business interest is obviously an attempt to get back to what made tumblr somewhat well known (because it was never a fucking thing to begin with) which is like. the john green harry potter side of the website, which is a subculture that has mostly been lost to the ages. like just give it the fuck up it'll never be back. you had your day in the shade, as did most websites which have now destroyed their own userbases. the internet will soon be over because of this attitude. enjoy what little money you make off of this dump before social media is over because it'll never be the next tiktok it's just not going to happen

[tandytoaster]

It's so funny but mostly frustrating seeing the "maybe you weren't evil maybe you were just 15" post circulate tiktok and having every tiktok I see about it be a criticism of it making sure to point out that some 15 year olds were in fact evil.

I talked too much so I put it under a readmore jrkwkcjw

But I think here its universally understood that post isn't about them or for them. Its for the people who Thought they were evil and bad growing up or the people who were acting developmentally appropriate for that age.

I really don't think an ex-teenage bully is going see the quote and feel validated in their behavior. I mean probably some will but I really feel the vast majority of people who were heinous to others either 1. Know they were fucking mean back then and own it (whether that be bettering themselves or just continuing to be mean and just saying theyre an ex mean girl or whatever) or 2. The thought of them being evil had never crossed their mind before reading that in the first place.

My interpretation of the post has always been, its for the people who stay up late at night thinking about and regretting mean or bitchy things theyve done as a teenager that every teenager does. And I feel thats the general consensus here, or at least within the people I follow and follow me.

So its just. Idk weird seeing it be taken in a negative light, like people jumping at the chance to remind us that its not applicable to everyone, seemingly in fear that an "evil" person will see it and have the weight of their sins lifted off their shoulders like theyre forgiven for the harm theyve caused.

It feels so different yet also reminiscent of 2015 tumblr, well intentioned "friendly reminders" that ultimately are unnecessary and a little out of touch.

And I feel like an old man saying tiktok, but I also feel like an ignorant kid saying that i use tiktok as well.

Tiktok and tumblr and definitely very similiar in the demeanor of their userbases but I think from our perspective as long term tumblr users, its jarring seeing a face attached to the actions and opinions of the people on there and it makes it easier to think, "why would you say/do that"

I see a lot of really bad takes on tiktok but most are from uninformed children and teens probably but there's definitely shitty adults on there too. Same can be said for here but I think its easier for us to make that claim about tiktok because its kinda like an "us vs them" mentality.

But then again there is a lot of like. Loser attitude going on over there that I don't see around here. Like people being concerned about whats in style or stuff like that but again thats developmentally appropriate for the most part but also shouldn't be normalized because people should just wear whatever they want whenever they way wherever they want

Tldr I'm frustrated that a large group of people are playing devils advocate about a quote that was meant ( ih my opinion ) to soothe people living with extreme unnecessary guilt

[nidonemo]

“Twitter Refugees”

by Zachary Foxx

3-30-2023

The blue fox led a group of people wearing blue bird icon shirts through a digital portal, using his folding fan as a guiding flag.

“Right through here, there we are, doing great. Just keep in the three-by-long formation, very good!”

The portal closed behind them and the crowd clouded closer, looking around at the site, mumbling in curiosity and anxiety. “How does it work?” “Where’s the favorite button?” “How do I repost?” “Is this vegan?”

The blue fox clapped his hands rapidly for their attention, “Okay, okay everyone. Eyes on me, posts paused please! Now, it’s going to be new and it’s going to be different, and it’s no doubt going to be broken in an odd way, but if we stay smiling, respectful, polite, and remember that we are guests here, I’m sure we’ll find our own individual spots to enjoy.”

A user with a lowercase “t” icon on their shirt approached the group, and the fox turned to face him. “Just allow me to perform introductions,” he sighed “Gods willing we may get through this without getting cancelled.” he said under his breath through grit fangs.

“Hello, are you new here to Tumblr?” the user asked.

“Good morning! Well, long story short, we’re from Twitter, our platform is imploding, and we were hoping there were some rooms free at the inn at all?” the fox explained clasping his hands humbly.

The Tumblr user rolled their eyes, “I thought I heard something about something yesterday. Yeah, plenty of space, come through here.” They waved the group through.

They walked through halls of posters taped over posters, ancient memes peeking out from under fantasy and science fiction movie posters, covered by a plethora of current and not as current musicians. Several users ran by wearing Hogwarts house robes and carrying wands, laughing before disappearing into another door.

A Twitter user gasped in shock, “They play Harry Potter here?! Don’t they know-” she was cut off by the blue fox snapping his fan open in front of her face and blocking her mouth with it.

“Shht! Yes, there are ‘Potter Pockets’ around here, but I assure you they’re just as innocent as when the books came out. Roll with it.” he hissed.

Their guide turned to talk to the fox and his expression was warm and pleasant again, as if he never shot a cold glare through a refugee’s brain just then. “So what’s your Hogwarts house?” they asked, starting up mild conversation.

“Oh, well it’s been ages but the last time I checked I believe I was a cross between a Ravenclaw and a Gryffindor, but you know all us introverts are really just Hufflepuffs, right?” Nidonemo gestured, smirking.

“Hah! True! So how about the rest of you?” the local asked, but before the refugees could answer, their faces screwed up in disdain, the blue fox snapped his fan open between the souring faces and their guide.

“You know now that you mention it, Twitter is more a science fiction and superhero fantasy sort of spot, the whole wizarding thing never really caught on over there. If you have any X-Man personality matching quizzes or Marvel posters around I’m sure they’ll be entertained for ages.” the icy blue fox shot a sharp look over his shoulder and the refugees kept their mouths shut.

“Sure uh, we may still have some of those banging around lemme check the supply closet.” The local vanished into a door down the hall followed by sounds of rummaging.

The fox whirled on the group, his expression cold. “Okay grump council listen up. You don’t have a platform, this is the closest one I could find that could house a chaotic userbase, these people are weird, quirky, fun, and fascinating. Don’t forget for a fleeting moment that you have just come in from the rain and out of the reach of a bigoted tyrannical monument to the laughably childish mentality of a celebrity village idiot, don’t you dare look a gift fireplace in the hearth, do you understand me?” He hissed, eyes piercing and voice stern as if scolding a group of unruly children.

No one said a word.

“Hey! I found some! You guys like Neopets at all?” the local called down, leaning out of the closet.

The fox whirled back, face now glowing and warm like a Summer afternoon, “Obsessed with the stuff, my friend! Absolutely love them!” Nidonemo replied.