#tumblr became a safe place again thanks to you all

[wnjunhui]

2022 by astronautjin

it’s been a year since i got into kpop and created this sideblog and wow, it's been quite the journey. i'm just grateful for the wonderful artists i've discovered in the past months, the new fandoms and specially the wonderful people.

i will mention some specific people, but i shoutout to:

the armys who started following me when i was an exclusively bts blog and stuck around after i became a multi

caratblr for welcoming me into the fandom that i've enjoyed the most in my entire life

content creator, for all your hard work and talent, you're a constant inspiration

now i will mention some mutuals who i enjoy seeing in my dash:

@tomlinsun @eggjinnie @userjungkook97 @userjiminie @literalsunhobi @jinstronaut @leesjieuns @rkivedfiles @nosfelixculpa @lovehui @seunievrse @lesbianlovestay @hansolz @jeongtokkie @raplinenthusiasts @jeonwonwoo @junranghae @hoeranghae @moon-jun @kookjinnies @lgtbz @vampirehannie @kimsmingyu @isdokyeom @coupsnim @akhire @scoups @minghao-s @8junhao @pjmsdior @grvywaren @lovejoshua @usershua @joanwtsn @shuaseok @onewaylover @wonuj @kveom @mingyudk @y2kjungkook (i hope i’m not forgetting anyone, i’m bad with remembering urls 😭)

finally, i want to say that i really appreciate all of you and i hope this new year brings only good things to you. know that my inbox/messages are always open and i love to chat, but i'm shy. you can also follow me on ig where i post a bunch of kpop stuff that my irls are tired of seeing lol 

note: my main is @matchingbees in case you see that blog in your notifications/replies, that’s me lol

[wip]

For a long time now, it's been impossible to see comments or reblogs with comment/tags on posts over a certain age when using the mobile app or blog view. Today I was looking at a post from 2015 that I knew had at least one reblog comment and lots of tags, but all the reblogs were under "other". I found the comment (but couldn't see any tags) by going to the [blog name].tumblr.com/post/[###] link and scrolling through all the notes in one list, but it's impossible anywhere else.

I know this probably has to do with the many changes Tumblr has gone through in that time, but it's still really inconvenient to have disappearing notes on the platform where part of the charm is that posts can survive for, at this point, almost a decade and a half.

Is it even possible to fix this, and of so, is it something you would consider?

Answer: Hey there, @maplerosekisses!

It is possible to fix this, and we would like to fix it, but it’s a daunting problem at Tumblr’s scale. Buckle up for storytime.

Long, long ago, Tumblr was created, and in the beginning, there weren’t even notes on posts. There weren’t even reblogs or likes. In fact, we were one of the first platforms to introduce the heart icon and the concept of “likes”! We created the reblog! Back in those days, each of these actions were tracked separately. Likes were tracked in one database table and reblogs weren’t tracked at all as notes. When we introduced replies, those had yet another way of being tracked in our database. Totally separate entities on the platform for years.

Eventually, we wanted to consolidate these into one number—so we had to count each of those different places. That’s horribly inefficient, and as Tumblr grew in size and popularity, this became a bottleneck that hurt the whole platform. So one of the things we did was to invent a new denormalized database table called “notes,” to track all of these different things in one place so we could easily count them. We still have that table, and it’s still the fallback whenever we need to count the notes on a post.

But this itself is ancient history. Since then, the product has changed even more, and we removed replies and re-added them later, back in 2015 or so—and made some changes in that process to help further improve efficiency. These improvements allowed us to include media in the notes view, and be able to split out replies versus reblogs-with-comment versus likes (kind of going back to the way it was originally.) Even then, we didn’t yet support showing tag usage in the notes—that would come even later.

In the process of making all of these changes for efficiency and functionality, we had to ask ourselves, as you point out: should we try to backfill these new database tables with all of the data from before? For a long while, we were using both systems to power the notes view, so we could display as much information from “before” as we could. Eventually, we didn’t need to do that anymore, because the number of people scrolling back to that “before” time became infinitesimally small. And that's the situation we’re in today.

Because if we wanted to backfill the data, we would need to process literally tens of billions of posts and notes from before 2015, at a conservative estimate. Let’s say it’s 10,000,000,000, for the sake of argument: if we started an automated process to go through them at ~100 per second (which would be relatively safe at our scale, so Tumblr doesn’t break as we’re digging up these old rows in the database), it would take over three years of continuous operation to complete that task.

In situations like this, we have to ask ourselves if that’s worth it. So far, the answer we’ve determined is no. But we may find a more efficient way to do it, there’s undoubtedly a way, and when we do, we will re-evaluate the decision again. We hope that makes sense—trying to make changes to Tumblr can be really, really hard.

But thank you for your question. We appreciate them and hope that goes some way to answering your query. Keep 'em coming, y'all.

[orshii]

Limitless (through the night)

Author: orshii

Pairing: biker! Choi San x female reader

Warnings: cursing, brief mention of death

Word count: 11,5 k

Summary: You have broken the rules, again. The punishment? You’re moving in with your father, sent back to your hometown which you had grown to be a stranger to. What happens when old affairs return in the form of Choi San? The only guy you wished to forever avoid, the guy who was a menace and always knew which buttons to push.

Will he put aside your differences and help you out when you get in trouble again?

A/N: Wow, I guess I'm here again...Ever since I saw these pictures of San, I'm obsessed with it, so a story kinda popped out of my mind lol. Like, I'll just never get over biker San pls, he drives me crazy, and I don't like it (lie). Anyways, thank you for my talented bestie @bvidzsoo for helping me a lot. I'm really a newbie to this whole writing and Tumblr world so, ly bestie hehet. Please, enjoy! I'mma be back soon, with a Hongjoong series too, lmao. Okay, byee, xoxo, orshii. (divider)

Moving to a new place could excite you due to all the new opportunities coming your way, alongside with new people, which may become your new friends.

In my case it wasn't like this. I was moving back to my hometown, which I have left almost ten years ago, leaving behind my father and all the people who I was once close with.

Now, I'm on my way back to my father, back to the house where we once were a happy family. My mother left my father, because it seemed like my father cheated on her. But the actual truth was that she just wanted to escape from this little town. She had no opportunities here, so she just blamed everything on him to have a reason to leave this shitty little town behind, alongside with me. I was only 10 years old, I did not understand back then what the hell was happening, so I just went with her. We moved to a bigger city, which was full with people. I never liked it, I hate crowds, I hate how the city is full with life.

After a while, my mother met someone and he was rich, so, we moved into a bigger house, which looked like a castle. I did not like it; I like simple things. I liked our old house, where the walls were cracked like a river spreading through the map. It was beautiful in its own way.

So why am I going back again to my hometown? I look to my left, where my mother is driving. She looked tired and mad; she was continuously frowning while she was driving. Maybe she was thinking about how she could bring a child like me into this world. Of course, I was the cause of going back to my hometown. It was my punishment.

 I'm going to be honest, lying isn’t something I do often. Since I was little, I adored motorcycles. They are so beautifully shaped and their sound is simply music to my ears. I love watching them through the TV, the bikers riding their fancy motorcycles and competing against each other, going in circles like Formula 1 cars on the circuits.

 My dad had owned an old Yamaha, it was beautiful. He noticed that I adored it, and so, he taught me everything about motorbikes; which part of the bike belongs where, he even taught me how to repair some broken parts. That was the moment I fell in love with motorbikes. I could not wait until I grew up and finally got my license. I had one purpose in life, and that was it.

And after a lot of patience, I finally got my license, but I had no motorbike. This became my next goal. To buy a bike. I succeeded doing that too, and I was proud of myself.

I looked back, where my beautiful matte black Yamaha R6 was tied safely onto the trailer. After I bought Toothless—I have named it that—I naturally joined a motorbike gang and slowly got into the world of racing. But these were illegal affairs, illegal races. You’d rarely get caught, so I didn’t worry about it. But one day I made a very bad mistake and I was left to face the cops. I was alone, the others—whom I considered my friends—left me there, letting me face the repercussions all on my own. As soon as my mother got me out of the police station and we got home, she started packing my things, saying 'You're moving in with your father.' My opinion did not matter, it was settled, and I just needed to obey. I did not care about anything at that point, so I just went with it without a word. Since that incident I did not want to make any friends, I did not trust people anymore, not even my mother. She betrayed me by sending me back to our hometown, treating me like I was a nobody to her. I never felt like I belonged anywhere, I am used of being passed around by others.

As soon as we drove through the streets of my hometown, little memories started resurfacing and I smiled. It was good to be back, to be honest, I have always loved this area. I never actually wanted to leave it behind, I just really had no choice but to do otherwise.

When we finally arrived to the house where we had once lived, a whirlwind of emotions hit me like a truck. My father stepped out from his car service, wiping his oily hands onto a used black cloth, which was once white. He looked tired and worried, mimicking the same expressions reflected on my mother’s face.

I stepped out from the car, looking around a little bit. Nothing has changed since I had last been here, and that was a long time ago. We never came back after the separation, my father used to visit us when he had the time, but it was rare, and our relationship went from having a happy father-daughter connection, to a shallow 'How's school? Good.' connection.

As I looked around, my parents were talking quietly just so I wouldn’t overhear them, but I knew they were talking about me. They were talking, and then suddenly my mother was moving, giving me a kiss on my cheek and saying 'Don't get into any trouble', leaving me there like I was an abandoned cat, handed back to the streets because it kept causing trouble. She chose the easier way, passing me into the hands of my father.

I pushed my bike into the garage and covered it with a blanket, I did not want Toothless to be dusty from all the dirt flying around the air. My dad showed me around the house acting as if I was there for the first time. I stepped inside my old room; everything was just how I had left it. The old drawing in which I had drawn our once happy family, and even my little pink shoes, which I had cried about leaving behind accidentally. Everything was the same, except me.

I got enrolled into the local University. I wanted to learn still as I had nothing to do; I needed to keep my mind busy. As I was headed to the new University on my bike, I felt anxiety crawling up through my body. I never liked new places, and besides, this was a little town, everyone knew everyone. And so, I was the new girl in town to them. The girl who came back after years of being gone. I don't really think anybody is actually aware of who am I. I had changed.

I arrived to the parking lot of the university, and cut the engine of Toothless. I sighed before I got off my bike, taking off my raven black helmet with red lines on it. My anxiety had finally crawled through my body, managing to reach my mind and thoughts, clouding them and keeping me locked in, not letting me go for even a second. My thoughts had always been my biggest enemy. Overthinking made me feel anxious about even the littlest things. It wasn’t good as this influenced my behavior, all the time. I tried to gather myself, not having noticed that somebody was watching me.

"Princess is back in town and has a little motorcycle, I see." I jumped at the sudden deep voice coming from behind me.

I turned around and saw a very familiar looking, handsome, guy in front of me, but I did not remember his name. He was smirking at me, his eyes sharp like a knife, glaring at me like he was a predator and I was his prey. He was wearing a black hoodie that hugged his broad shoulders perfectly, with black shorts that reached his knees, pairing with red Jordans.

"And who are you?" I asked frowning; I really did not know him, he looked familiar, but I could not place a name to his face.

He just tilted his head, looking at me sharper than before, "You don't remember me? I'm Choi San."

He was frowning his thick eyebrows, a little cut in his left eyebrow making his glare more intense.

Choi San, the mayor's son. Now I knew who he was, and I did not fucking like him. He was always the annoying rich kid from school, always stuck-up, acting all-mighty due to his family being rich. And he didn’t like me either anymore. At the beginning we were friends, but then shit started happening at home—my parents arguing constantly, not even noticing me anymore—and so, I closed myself off, not wanting to befriend anyone. I was just a child, my parents constantly arguing was a big enough trauma for me to stop caring about other things. So, I pushed San away, who, I assume, took it to heart since he started hating me and acting like a total jackass, not letting me live. It was like that until I left my hometown, leaving everyone behind.

"Oh, well then, I don't care." I said while grabbing my helmet from my bike and turning around to leave. I did not have the energy for this arrogant prick, he didn’t change at all, I could tell by his one little sentence.

He laughed, "Princess is mad, huh? Is that a Yamaha R1?"

He had asked while pointing at my bike, not letting me leave quite yet.

I sighed and turned around looking at him annoyed, "No, it's an R6."

My answer was short and snappy.

"That's from one of the newest series. I bet you begged on your knees your rich stepfather to buy it for you." He laughed sarcastically, and it sounded like an engine that needed an oil change. I sneered at the thought.

It hurt, it hurt because he didn’t know how many days I didn’t sleep because I had shift after shift, working my ass off. My stepfather and mother didn’t want to buy me a bike, actually they hated just the idea of it, but I didn’t care, so I took as many jobs as I could, and after three years of hard work, I finally get to buy this beauty. It had nothing to do with my stepfather. San was just being his old self, being an asshole, judging even though he did not know anything at all.

"Just fuck off, San." I snapped before walking towards the building. I was starting to get annoyed, but I didn’t let it show because I knew that was what he wanted out of this exchange. To piss me off, get on my nerves.

I finally stepped inside the building. I was a bit lost; I didn't know where I was supposed to go now.

"Let's race someday or are you scared, baby?" But San suddenly stopped next to me, looking at me arrogantly, not leaving me alone.

I laughed at the nickname, it was cringe, what the hell was he thinking? "I don't do shit like that."

I didn’t even spare him a glance.

"Then why do you have a motorbike?" San asked, looking at me like the police officer had when he was interrogating me.

"I obviously use it to go to church." I rolled my eyes as I started walking down the corridor. I got a lot of curious looks from the other students littered around in the hallways.

"I bet you raced in that big town of yours." San said, of course, following me.

I suddenly stopped in my tracks, and looked at him with deadly eyes, "Can't you just go and fucking annoy somebody else?"

"Princess is being mean for what? I just wanted to welcome you back in town." He said with a smirk on his lips.

"Oh, how humble" I said ironically, "Thank you for your kindness."

I smiled at him and saluted him before turning around. I did not have the energy for this egoistic guy.

I somehow found the director's office. He handed over my schedule and wished me good luck, and I was abandoned again in the empty corridor.

I was looking at my schedule, trying to figure out which classroom I needed to get in.

 "Hey, new girl, are you lost?" I heard a voice calling out to—me— I had assumed.

I looked up and I found myself standing in front of a tall, black-haired boy, with the kindest smile I had ever seen in my entire life. He was wearing bright colors, which highlighted his bright smiley face, he looked like a walking sunshine.

"Hi, yes, a little bit." I said while looking at my schedule confused.

"Let me see." He took the paper from my hands and looked at it humming, "Oh, you are in the same major as me. I'm headed to that class; I can show you the way."

He offered me up with a sweet smile.

"Oh my god, thank you, you saved me." I huffed the air out from my lungs.

"This way." He pointed out the direction with his finger, and we started to walk towards the classroom.

"By the way, I'm Yunho." He said, reaching his hand out towards me.

I smiled while shaking his hand, "Y/N, nice to meet you. How did you know I am the new girl?"

I had asked him curiously.

"Everyone knows, it's a little town, the rumors here spread like the plague." He shivered with a smile.

I chuckled, "Oh, I see. Too bad, I just wanted to remain unknown."

"Your dad is quite famous in town, did you know? So, I assume he told someone you are coming, and puff, the rumors are everywhere." He gave me a side glance as he smiled.

"Yeah, maybe." I said, thinking about the fact that my father has a car service, which, I assume, is the only one in town. Therefore, people meet up with him constantly, thinking more of it, it isn’t a surprise that people know who I am, in the end it, it is a little town. We arrived to the classroom, and headed in.

The day went by quickly. I was glad I met Yunho, he was a funny guy, and he led me around the University, making funny comments about some students. I really needed him in order to integrate into this new community, which I was once part of ten years ago. It was as if I had to relive the past, as if I was walking down the same path, I had done so ten years ago, a path which might have changed during my absence. It felt like I had to start everything from the very beginning.

  The days passed by quickly, and I just tried to avoid being in the spotlight as I found out everyone knew me, but I knew nobody, because who would remember the people they had met while being just a little kid? As I was randomly walking on the street, headed to get some groceries, random people would say hello and even ask how my mom was. I just quickly answered them, but I didn’t know who they were.  I didn’t like the attention, when all the eyes were on me, so I tried to lay low, live my life quietly.

Then one day, as I had gotten closer to Yunho, he somehow convinced me to attend a party held by some guy named Song Mingi. I wore casual clothes, meaning simple black ripped jeans paired with a black crop-top, and a leather jacket. I am a biker, so the leather jacket is a must, even when you have to leave your bike behind, as I had done now. I felt like drinking something. I hadn’t gotten drunken in a while, not that this was my purpose for the night.

Yunho came to pick me up with his navy-blue Nissan GT-R. The car was beautiful inside out. And that is when I found out that Yunho used to do street racing, held by some local racing company. That's another reason as to why we became friends so quickly, as we were interested in the same things.

  When we arrived to the house where the party was held at, it was already crowded. Luckily, there was the opportunity to stay outside, next to the pool, and so, I told Yunho I didn't really want to go into the crowd. He stayed with me, and to our luck, we found some alcohol outside too. There was a table next to the pool, and there were a whole bunch of alcoholic drinks on it, so, we took some tequila shots. As we were talking about some of Yunho's street races, I heard someone approaching us.

"Where did you leave your expensive bike, princess?" He clapped his hands together, reaching for a can of beer, opening it quickly with his thumb. He was wearing dark jeans, a white T-shirt, and on top a leather jacket. At least he knew the unsaid rule of the bikers. Leather jacket is a must, like I have said.

I looked at him with a glare, "I left it at church since I got drunk on the communion wine."

I said annoyed as it was my last wish to meet him tonight, “Just leave me alone, San.”

"Where's the fun in that?" He leaned close to my face, bending down to be at the same height as me, whispering it in my face.

"The fun must be where you brain is, which you seem to be lacking in." I pointed at his head.

He laughed loudly, "You'll see where is the fun when I beat you at the race."

He glared at me with his typical sharp gaze. It whispered danger. And I liked danger.

“I said I don’t race; do you have issues with your long-term memory now?” Despite meaning to be teasing and unabashed, my voice came out a little angry as I frowned.

“I saw the news about your little incident. You can’t be fooling everyone and telling them you nearly got arrested, princess.” He spread his arms, as he raised his voice, so everyone could hear it who was outside. I felt everyone’s eyes on us, coming closer, way too interested in hearing what the whole fiasco was about.

My blood had started boiling and I clenched my fists together, until my knuckles turned white. I was blinded by my sudden anger towards San, I just wanted to wipe that annoying, arrogant, smile off of his face. I stepped closer to him, my face inches away from his, as his back was facing the pool. He just needed a little encouragement for a swim, and so, I strongly pushed him towards the pool, and before he could fall in, I quickly whisked the beer out of his hand, and lifted it into the air.

“Have a good swimming, Choi San.” I placed the beer down on the table. That was my que to leave him there. I could feel his glare pointed at my back from the pool as he swum to the surface. I could feel his annoyance, that he felt embarrassed. I smirked to myself, Choi San, you have no idea whom you’re trying to annoy. Yunho came after me quickly and gave me a high-five for the move I had just pulled off.

  The next hours at the party were spent by drinking and dancing, as I went into the dancing crowd. I just wanted to disappear in the crowd and feel good. I tried to avoid San the whole night as I didn’t want to see his furious side, San, who got humiliated by me. It was funny, I had to smile the whole time as I remembered his face when I pushed him into the pool, amused by the whole ordeal. I also got to know the guy who threw the party as Yunho introduced us to each other. Mingi was a tiny bit shorter than Yunho, but you could barely notice. He had a buzz cut and rocked his blonde hair; his sharp nose completed his small eyes well. He wore a black T-shirt with some silver necklaces around his neck, and black ripped jeans. His nails were painted black with some rings on his fingers. I am not going to lie; he was hot as hell. And I also found out that he races alongside with Yunho. He owns a Toyota Supra, and that nearly made me faint when he told me about it, because it’s a rare car. He then proceeded to show it to me. It was so beautiful and unique due to its painting. It was kind of a papaya orange with some words on it painted on it, 'Fix on' and 'Youth'. I really liked it.

I had asked the boys about what kind of race San spoke about, and they said it’s an illegal motorbike race, which happen to be very rare here. I quickly tried to forget about it. I didn't want to cause trouble again; I had promised my mom and also myself to stay low, to be better. San was just provoking me; I wouldn’t fall into his trap.

  The next day at university as I was walking down the corridor, headed to the cafeteria, something immediately caught my eyes. It was a poster with a motorbike on it, of course it caught my eyes. I went closer to read it. It said that a motorbike competition was to be held, and the prize were some new parts to upgrade your motorcycle. This was the competition San was talking about, and it's going to be held tonight on the deserted streets of the city. I'm not going to lie; it piqued my interest. I miss speeding down the roads, the adrenaline coursing through my veins every time I race. And my bike is in urgent need of an upgrade, because these past days it felt like something was wrong with it, but I couldn’t figure out what it was exactly. For now, I'm going to let it go, but I still took the poster with me…just in case.

Evening came and I was in my room, I barely talked to my father all day, nothing unusual. Sometimes when I'm alone, and that happens a lot recently, I just start thinking about useless things that make me feel weak. I have never opened up to anyone before, I was never that kind of person, and besides, I always thought it's useless to open up to someone, because in the end they never truly care about me. And the fact that I was betrayed by my own "friends", it just confirms that I really should just stick to myself. I'm not going to say that it didn’t hurt when I saw my friends running away from the police, pushing me straight in front of them, telling me, "You are the new girl, handle it." Funny, I'm the new girl everywhere, I'm not going to belong anywhere, I am always going to be the new girl. They thought it was a nice joke, it wasn't; it ruined me. I started to think that the problem was me, that I deserved this, that I am not enough. As some time went by, I realized it wasn't my fault, but these thoughts still remained deep in my heart. And I will carry it with myself for a long time.

Here I am again, thinking about these things. These are those moments, when I need to clear my head. My solution for it is going out into the chilly air with my bike, cutting through the wind with the highest speed my bike can handle. The feeling of it being night, and I'm alone with Toothless, speeding through unknown streets, I feel like it's just me and my bike in this whole world. It’s like therapy for me. It just…understands me, just like the feeling you get while listening to music; sometimes you listen to a sad song, it makes you sad, it just describes your feelings, but if you are happy and you listen to that exact same song, it'll bring happy tears out of you.

  I was going around the city aimlessly, when suddenly I saw a bunch of bikers headed somewhere. That's when I realized they were going to the competition. My heart started to beat quickly. I started inhaling and exhaling slowly, just the thought of racing made my blood boil, my skin itch, awakening my body like nothing else.

And as I kept following after them, suddenly I realized I arrived to the location of the competition. It was really my subconscious taking over, driving me here. I slowed down a little. There were a lot of people around crowding the bikers, watching their unique motorcycles. Some background music accompanied the sound of the engines as it melted together, creating an intriguing melody. The atmosphere here were totally different compared to the one in the big city. Back there it was just serious faces, who hated each other. But here, I only saw smiles and laughs even between the racers as it seemed like everyone looked at each other friendly, not viewing the other as the enemy.

I stopped my bike, turning the engine off after having parked it. I noticed some curious eyes on me. I didn't know what to do now, I was totally alone. I didn’t know anyone, but I needed to fight my anxiety as I took my helmet off. My helmet always gave me safety, kept me unknown, and that's what I always wanted.

When I stepped next to my bike, someone immediately caught me into a hug. It was Yunho. He lifted me up in the air and smiled.

"Oh my God, you are here, Y/N!" He said excitedly, putting me down.

I laughed, "Yes, I am. I don't know how exactly, I was out for a ride, and then I found myself here."

I said placing my helmet down on my bike.

"I am so happy you are here." Yunho said, his smile never disappearing.

"Yeah, I can see that." I chuckled looking at his bright face.

"Will you sign up for the competition?" He asked me with curious eyes.

I sighed, "I'm here so—I guess?"

I lifted my hands into the air, shrugging.

"Yes!" Yunho fist bumped the air happily, making me chuckle.

He then led me to a person at which I needed to sign up for the competition. I didn't know who I was going to compete against, just until Choi San came to sign up as well. I had already finished signing up as I stood aside with Yunho, while he leaned towards me and quietly started to introduce each racer.

"Did you know that we are going to race against each other, princess?" San said, throwing a quick glance my way with his sharp eyes, signing the paper in front of him. I checked him out very quickly, hoping nobody would notice. He was wearing his typical leather jacket but with a black T-shirt underneath, and ripped jeans this time. His black hair fell into his eyes as he finished filling out the paper. Every woman very noticeably thirsted after him, and I wasn't an exception…he’s fucking hot. What a shame he has a shitty personality.

I rolled my eyes and ignored him, tuning to face Yunho, who was talking to some guy I didn't know. Did San really not understand that I didn’t want to talk to him?

"I want to race against her." I heard San's voice coming from behind me. I turned around to look at him annoyed.

"You can’t get rid of me so fast." He winked at me, that fucker.

"I will, on the track." I smiled at him sweetly, turning around again as I went back to my bike with Yunho, adrenaline slowly starting to course through my body. I had to win this, I had to wipe that confident smile off of San's face.

The race started, it was a drag racing, meaning three bikers were lined on the starting point, it was a shorter straight section, then as the lights turned green from red, you just needed to shift the gears up as perfectly as you could. The first who reaches the finish line wins. Speed mattered only here, and how detailed you are about the gearing.

A few bikers were already done with the race, and I watched them curiously. Slowly, it was our turn to race. People were loud and they cheered whenever their favorites won.

I rolled over to the starting point. One guy was already there and I found out that I'm going to race against San and a guy named Hongjoong, whose nickname was the Devil. I didn't know him, but Yunho said he is one of the most well-known bikers in the town. He had a Honda CBR. His bike was sick, it was bright red and the owner sitting on it with his red helmet really looked like the Devil himself, I get why they call him that.

As I rolled next to him, I glanced towards my right as he was there. He looked at me and bowed his head, I did the same. It was a sign of respect. I liked the guy already.

San arrived to my left side with his Suzuki GSX, painted also with a very dark red, reminding me of blood, mixed with some black. These guys weren't playing, their bikes were absolute monsters. I could almost hide with Toothless, but my bike was almost on the same level as theirs, so I saw hope in winning this.

When the announcer spoke, saying our names and a few things about our motorbikes, I slowly started to focus on the task at hand. I did not hear anything else, just my fast-beating heart. I fixed my eyes ahead, breathing in and out. The engine sounds pushed away the crowd’s noise. The red light suddenly switched green, and I quickly lifted my left foot off the ground, concentrating on the perfect timing of the gearing, bending over a little to adjust with the speed. From the outside it looks like three bikes quickly reach the finish line, but when you are the driver, it feels like the longest minutes of your life.

At the beginning the three of us were head-to-head, then I was the one who was leading. I could feel the victory coursing through my bloodstream already. But suddenly, I heard a puffing noise from my engine, and it stopped without any warning. My bike started to slow, the thoughts of winning long forgotten.

'Shit, shit, no, no, no, no, no!' I mumbled to myself. I could barely stop; my bike was still resonating.

The two other racers quickly passed by me, leaving me with my broken bike. I glanced forward and saw San reaching the finish line first. I was so fucking close. I hit my bike angrily, and got off it to push it over to the side. This is the worst feeling ever, when you are so close that you can already feel the win, but then something out of your control happens and it’s not your fault, you can’t do anything about it, you’re only left with cursing the world, asking, 'Why me?'

I could feel something was faulty with my bike, but I didn't think it was this bad. I heard someone running my way. It was Yunho, and when he reached me, he leaned his hands on his knees, catching his breath.

"Fuck, what happened?" He asked straightening up, still breathing quickly from running.

"I don't know, the engine just stopped working." I kicked my bike. I loved Toothless, but when it did things like this, I felt like I was going to throw it out.

Yunho came closer to my bike, to try and see what the problem was. He crouched down to take a closer look as I stood next to him, using the flash of my phone to help him see better. I heard an engine slowing down next to us. Of course it was San, he took his black helmet off, smiling at me deviously.

"Daddy's money wasn't enough for a normal motor? It’s called karma, princess.” He said with a death glare, smirking annoyingly. “This is because you fucking pushed me into the pool."

Why the hell did he enjoy spitting out words that made no sense at all?

I could feel my blood boiling, my biggest desire at the moment being the want to punch that confident smile off his annoying face. I was so close doing it, I swear to God, I was ready to punch him hard, but that little sanity I was clinging on to did not let it happen. I always had problems controlling my anger. But slowly, I learned to handle it. I learned how to manage these feelings, so I just let it bounce off of me.

"Next time I’m going to push you into the sea, if you don’t stop being an asshole. Go, celebrate your fucking win, you really deserve it." I said, staring at him with deadly eyes.

"Your wish is my command, Princess." He saluted with a smirk, and then placed his helmet back on, driving away with his annoyingly loud engine. I scoffed as I watched him roll away.

"I think I'm going to call my dad, there's no hope in fixing it." I sighed. I'm going to get into so much trouble now. I was forbidden from racing, my dad won't be happy, I'm sure. But it is what it is. At least the cops didn't show up this time.

I called my dad and told him what happened. I was nervous of how he would react. To my surprise, his first question was about my well-being. He said he was coming.

While I was waiting alone for my dad—I told Yunho that he could since my dad was coming— Hongjoong stopped by my side, taking his helmet off. His blonde hair fell into his face as he ruffled his hair. He was damn handsome, he looked so soft, the opposite of his nickname.

"Everything alright?" He asked, his eyes full of understanding.

"Not really, my engine is broken, so yeah…" I said with a sad smile.

"Can I help you with anything?" He looked at me as if he really understood what I was feeling right now.

"No, thank you, I'm waiting for my dad to pick us up." I pointed at my bike.

"Okay, such a shame this happened. It was a good race." He smiled at me and then reached his fist towards me.

"Yeah, it could’ve be a good one." I fist bumped him, smiling.

"Next time perhaps then." He winked at me sweetly, "If you need any help, I'mma be around." He put his helmet back on.

"Okay, thank you." I smiled at him sincerely.

He rolled away quickly, leaving me there with my thoughts. Now, that's what I'm talking about. Why aren't there more people like him on Earth? He looks like an angel, not like the devil I suppose he is—on track. I was intrigued, I wanted to get to know him better. San could really learn a thing or two from him.

  My dad arrived after a few minutes and we quietly placed my bike up on the trailer. As we were headed home, silence settled around us. I could feel he was pissed.

"I'm sorry." I said, looking straight ahead at the road, not wanting to see his disappointed expression.

"What did you think?" He started, "That you would race and I wouldn’t ever find out about it? It's a little town, Y/N, you already know how fast rumors spread here."

He glanced at me for a second.

"I know, I didn’t think, I just miss racing." Tears appeared in my eyes. "Please don't tell mom. She will send me to Azkaban after this."

Call it a defense mechanism, a trauma response, but I had always been like this…joking in serious situations.

I glanced at him and saw a very small smile appear on his lips, "I won't tell her, but it was very bold of you to race again. You can't do that, you know it, it'll have consequences."

He lectured me.

"Yeah, I know. Thank you for not telling mom." I said, relief spreading through my body.

"But you're still punished. You have to help me in the car service after school." He said glancing at me with a serious look.

"Okay, and maybe we could fix my bike too?" I said, glancing at him with a smile.

My father smiled back, "Maybe after we fixed some cars, we could check it out next week."

I clapped happily, "Thank you!"

The rest of the ride until we got home was quiet, I was happy my father was this understanding. I thought as soon as he finds it out, he'll send me back to mom, passing me between each other like I was a tennis ball. But to my surprise, it was the opposite, and I really didn't mind working in the car service. At least we could spend some more time together. I hoped we could fix our relationship, alongside with the cars, of course.

  My days went by and they all were quite the same. I attended my classes at university, then my whole afternoon went by fixing cars with my father. He managed to teach me a lot of things about cars, even though my world was all about motorbikes I was always interested in cars too. I was planning on buying a car, but I needed to put that aspiration aside for a while. My priority was fixing my bike so I could finally ride it.

We checked out my bike and we found out that my engine was overheated, and that's why it shut down. An engine upgrade was needed, and we changed the turbo as well while we were at it. It was going to be even more powerful than before; I was so excited to finally try it out. On some days, Yunho and Mingi would come by the car service to check on me, and they even started helping me out in fixing my bike. We started getting closer, we laughed a lot in between the late-night repairing.

Yunho and Mingi invited me to watch their races, which were going to be held today. I had never been to races like this one before, so I happily accepted the invitation. I could finally try my bike out as I was headed to the race. It felt so good riding it again after a while. I felt like I could breathe again. I think I had gotten addicted to this feeling.

The race was held at the race track of the town, in the afternoon. The sun was slowly going down as I rode my bike, painting my black bike and helmet with the shade of dark orange.

When I arrived to the track, there were lots of people being excited about the race. It was a drag race again, but with cars this time. I looked around and I saw different types of cars, each looking very sick and unique. I started to feel excited as I was rolling down between the cars, searching for Yunho's parked car.

Then, I suddenly recognized someone with a blonde hair. He noticed me and started walking towards me with a smile. I stopped and took off my helmet.

"Fixed your bike, huh?" Hongjoong approached me with a genuine smile.

"Yeah, finally." I pet my bike with a smile.

"I'm glad, we shall try it out some day." He said with his white teeth flashing.

"We shall." I smiled back at him. I would wholeheartedly race with him again.

"Are you racing?" I asked with a frown.

"No, I came to watch, I won't betray my beast." He laughed sweetly. I swear to God, his laugh was like music to my ears, "You came to watch too?"

"Yeah, I've never been to races like this one before." I said, feeling excited.

"We can watch it together; I know the best place where we can watch it from." Hongjoong offered with a sweet smile.

"Okay." I accepted his offer quite easily, "But first, I want to wish Yunho and Mingi good luck."

"Come, you can put your bike down there, I’ll show you where they are." He pointed towards my right, where I could park my bike.

I pushed my bike to the designated area, and brought my helmet with myself. I did not want to leave my treasure there. Hongjoong lead the way to where Yunho's blue GT-R was parked, next to Mingi's orange Supra. These two cars next to each other looked so good. I was very tempted to take a picture of them.

I approached Yunho and hugged him from behind, surprising him. He laughed, "You came, finally."

"I would never miss it." I smiled looking up at him. He was wearing his racing suit with colors that matched his car. His hair was lazily brushed over his forehead, almost reaching his eyes.

I hugged Mingi too, the top part of his orange racing suit lazily hung around his waist, a white T-shirt underneath. This orange clothing suit him very well, highlighting his blonde buzz cut. They looked handsome. What is it today, everyone is looking so good?!

"I'm going to be in the crowd, watching you guys, good luck. Fighting!" I smiled and hugged them both again. Hongjoong also wished them good luck, resorting to giving them high-fives.

"Thanks, we'll try." Yunho said laughing.

We then walked to the spot Hongjoong mentioned before. It was really a good one, we could see everything from here. The crowd started to cheer as the first cars appeared on the track. It was a 2v2. Yunho was the first one, competing against a Mitsubishi Lancer. It was going to be hard to beat that car, but Yunho did not disappoint, and he won with a lot of advantage. Every minute counted here; they were measuring the time up until you crossed the finish line. Time mattered here as it could beat your opponent.

After a lot of quick races, the sun went down, street lamps were lighting the track up, the crowd cheering loudly. We laughed a lot with Hongjoong, and he explained the rules of the races we were witnessing. I finally felt happy after a long time, I loved the atmosphere here.

That is until someone sat next to me.

"Now you’re into cars too? Tell your stepdad to send you a car, a broken one perhaps." San said, looking at me with those fucking annoying sharp eyes of his.

Every time he appears, my mood is fucked, "I will, now leave me the fuck alone."

I had said not looking at him.

San laughed, "Not until we're racing with equal chances."

"Oh, so now you admit it wasn't a fair win for you?" I looked at him with a glare.

"No, I would've won anyways. I just wanted to see how much you could push. But your bike said, nah. I bet it'll fall apart again." He said, leaning closer to me.

My blood started boiling, it was one thing if I was the one saying shit about Toothless, but him spitting out these words about my bike were not allowed. Ever. San was provoking me, and I knew it, I fucking knew it, yet…

"Come, I'll fucking beat you this time." I looked at him with blazing eyes, starring at him sharply.

He stood up smiling, "It'll be my pleasure, princess."

He put his right hand on his heart and bowed.

Oh, how I would hit him in the face, I had nightmares about that fucking confident smile.

I stood up, Hongjoong grabbed my hands to make me look at him, "It's not the best time going out there, Y/N."

He said with concern in his voice.

"I don't care, I want to wipe that confident smile off his face." I was long gone, there was no chance of anyone convincing me doing otherwise.

Hongjoong stood up, looking at me with concern, "But please be careful, call me if anything happens."

He held my hands, he really looked concerned.

"Don't worry, savior. I'll keep her safe." San glared at Hongjoong with the deadliest stare I've ever seen.

Hongjoong stepped closer to San, letting go of my hands. "If anything happens to her because you’re a fucking idiot and your ass is just itchy, you'll regret it, I promise."

Hongjoong stared back at San, and in this moment, he really looked like the Devil. I stood between them as they were eyeing each other, glaring with their noses flared.

Whoa, whoa, hold on a second, what was happening right now—

"Okay, guys, stop! Let's not waste any more time and get this shit over." I looked at San, losing my patience.

He winked at me and then smiled, his dimples appearing. Did I just notice he has dimples?

He did not wear his usual black leather jacket tonight; it was a leather jacket with some red on its sleeves and on the waist with white lines. On the front there was a writing 'SUZUKI', referring to his motorbike being the same brand. I’m not going to lie; he looked hot as fuck.

We walked over to our bikes, which were parked next to each other. I sat on my bike.

"So where are we going? You know this town." I looked over to my left side to meet San's gaze.

"There's a freeway not far from here. There’ll be traffic, but it’s more exciting that way." He smirked.

I started my engine and reached my hand out, motioning to him to show me the way. We both placed our helmets on, and then it was game on from there on. There was no turning back anymore.

I followed San, turning on unknown streets, it was barely a five-minute ride. We stopped where the freeway began.

"The winner is who gets to the end of the freeway first. It's not that long." He told me through his helmet, being on my left side.

I just nodded, it was late into the evening, but the cars ahead of us were countless. It was a three-lane road, people might’ve been going home from work, because there were a lot of cars. We lined up at the side of the road, in front of the red light. San pointed at that, signaling that if it turns green, we start. I started to reeve the engine, my legs in starting position with my eyes focused on the road ahead of me, counting the cars, and analyzing how could I pass by them. Adrenaline crawled through me; my skin covered in goosebumps. I have never felt like this before, I was so hyped about winning this. I had to win this.

The red light suddenly changed to green, and I quickly lifted my foot off the ground, bending over my bike and shifting up. We slid through the cars like the river runs through the rocks. We were two quick arrows passing by the cars, wheezing from left to right. At first, we were head-to-head, but I got lucky and I could pass by a big truck very quickly. San wasn't that lucky, he stayed behind a little. We arrived to a tunnel; sudden strong light hit my eyes. Traffic was lesser here, so, San quickly caught up with me. The sound of our engines were so loud that its echo bounced of the tunnel’s walls. It was like music, the two-engine sound melting into each other. I'm not going to lie, I was enjoying it so much as I have never felt like this before, it was the definition of freedom. I quickly glanced at San and he lifted his arms, giving me a thumps up, then quickly passed by me. But I did not let that happen, I went after him. We arrived to the end of the tunnel, sudden darkness hitting me now, my eyes needed a few minutes to adopt to the dark again. As cars were in front of us, I quickly took the chance to go in between two cars, and I was leading again. Until I suddenly saw red and blue lights flashing from behind.

Shit, shit, no, not again—

It felt like my heart was about to jump out of my chest, it was beating so fast. I can't get caught again, no way. I started to panic, and suddenly all strength escaped my body as I started to slow down. I couldn’t think straight as all thoughts left my mind seeing those colors again, getting flashbacks of that night. The lights, then being pushed straight into the cop’s hands, my friends running away, leaving me alone. San was suddenly next to me.

"Hey, Y/N, don't slow down, we need to lose them! I know a shortcut, follow me!" He yelled over the sounds of our engines and through his helmet, as I suddenly was back from the flashback as I looked behind me, seeing as the cops getting closer and closer.

I just nodded, suddenly feeling my strength coming back to me. There's no way they will catch me again. I quickly followed after San, passing by the cars, the police still following us, getting closer. San turned right onto a street, then left. We went through alleys and little streets, where only a bike would fit. I had no idea where were we, but I didn't care, because it seemed like San's plan was working and the red and blue lights were now far away from us. Suddenly, San turned left and went inside an abandoned factory's court. He quickly stopped and turned off the engine, signaling for me to do the same. I rolled next to him, and switched the key to turn off the engine. I glanced behind my back, I didn't see any signs of the police, but I still felt like I couldn’t breathe. I took off my helmet quickly, starting to inhale and exhale quickly.

"Fuck." I ran my fingers through my hair stressed, pulling it away from my face.

"Come, let's go inside, bring your bike too." San said, getting off his bike as he started pushing it towards the building.

As I got off my bike, I was shaking, the adrenaline was still in my blood. We brought our bikes inside and I needed to sit quickly. I sat down, pressing my back against my bike, lifting my knees up to my chest.

"I think they're gone." San sat down, doing the same as me.

He glanced over me, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." I said, still not looking at him.

"Are you really that scared of the cops?" I could hear it in his voice that he was smiling.

"San, this is really not the time where you can say shit like that." I glanced over at him. I guess he saw my expression, because his face changed.

"Sorry, I didn’t—" We lifted our heads up as we heard the siren sounds. The red and blue lights lit the walls of the factory, and my heart dropped to my stomach.

"Shit, shit, they are coming here." I stood up, San did too. But suddenly, I heard the sirens getting further and further away. I let out the big breath I was holding this whole time.

"They just passed by, idiots." San laughed.

I glanced over at him in disbelief, and sat down again next to my bike.

San mirrored me, "We need to wait a little, though, so they will give up searching for us."

"You were in these kinds of situations a lot, huh?" I asked San, staring ahead into the darkness.

"Kinda, that's why I knew what to do." He said sighing. Quiet fell over us as we both were thinking, probably not about the same things as he spoke up, "But I don't get it. What did you do that you got almost arrested? Did you crash your bike and kill someone?”

He looked at me frowning. I scoffed at him; I really couldn’t believe he was like this.

"You don't know anything about me, so please stop assuming things when you don't know shit." I stared at him angrily, "It's making me feel sick, San. I'm so fucking tired of your comments, what did I do to you for you to behave like this with me?"

I asked him, looking his way then at my hands, "I was just fucking racing because I love to do so. Why is that so bad? Don’t you do the same thing, San? I’ve got arrested because my friends left me there, so I was blamed for that whole mess, on my own. So, please, ask before you talk shit."

There was a minute of silence, "Fuck, I didn't know, Y/N. I don't fucking know why I'm an asshole with you. It is so easy to piss you off."

I glanced at him; he was staring ahead as he ran his fingers through his raven black hair.

"And you are enjoying this?" I scoffed at him in disbelief.

"Of course I don’t, it’s just—" He turned my way, "Lately I did it just because I wanted to race against you and I thought if I provoke you, then you'll come. I know it sounds stupid, but don't say you didn't like it."

He seemed nervous a little. Choi San being nervous, interesting.

"I did enjoy it, San. But what the hell, why couldn't you just ask me nicely if I wanted to come with you? I would've, if you weren't such an asshole.” I looked at him, “And our bickering or whatever did not start here.”

"Yeah…I know." He looked down at his hands, "When we were kids you suddenly just got cold and pushed me away like I was some garbage. I was a little kid, it hurt."

He admitted. I didn’t recognize this San, this softer, nicer, side of him was strange to me.

"I was a little kid too. Kids are mean, you just had a weak heart." I said to him, "That does not mean you have to be an asshole your whole life, because I mistreated you when we were fucking kids. This is it, San. You need to adapt to some situations; you have to let go of foolish things at times."

I looked at him seriously.

"Forgive me for being such an asshole, you did not deserve it. I just tried to blame other people for my weaknesses." He admitted, and for a second, he looked vulnerable. But it vanished away quickly.

And suddenly we started sharing about our lives, the cops long forgotten, things that we didn't know about the other. I could see the side of him, which he rarely let anyone see. He could be really goofy, we laughed together, trying to recall the ridiculous situations we were in when we were just kids.

"And just so you know, I bought my bike, not someone else. I worked for it, for years. I took shift after shift, because I wanted something. You know…it hurt when you said those things to me." I suddenly felt like I had to tell him how much he stabbed a knife into my heart that day.

"Fuck this, this whole situation is ridiculous." He scoffed, his voice getting weaker. "I'm so fucked up. I'm so fucking tired of adapting to what people expect of me. I did this my whole life."

I looked at him as he buried his face into his palms.

Silence fell over the chilly air as San seemed to be on edge, while he quietly sniffed. I couldn’t believe that San was crying. It came out of the blue; I did not understand the cause of it.

Suddenly, I slipped next to him. I just wanted to hug him, he looked so broken. So, I went closer to him, still sitting on the ground, and hugged him tightly as he scooted closer to me and buried his face into my neck.

"It's okay, San. Sometimes life can be too much. Just let it out." I stroked his back patiently. I felt some tears falling onto my neck.

 I couldn’t believe I was hugging Choi San right now, but I have always been like this. I don't care if he harmed me, if he needs a shoulder to cry on in his most vulnerable moment, then I’m going to be there for him because no one deserves to be alone in these moments.

"I'm so tired, I'm sick of this pain…" He mumbled into my neck, sobbing a bit, "After my mom died—"

"Your mom died?" I lifted his head from my neck, cupping his face with my hands. I looked at him with round eyes. I didn't know his mother died; I was shocked.

"Yeah, right after you moved away..." He said, looking into my eyes with his puffy ones. He seemed empty, he seemed like he wasn't feeling anything at all, "She had cancer, she…She struggled a lot…and I was alone, I needed someone to be there for me, I tried…I really tried." He said, his voice getting quieter.

I did not want to believe what I just heard, his mom was an angel, everyone liked her when she stepped on the stage alongside with the town’s major. They looked like true leaders. I always looked up to her, and now she’s gone.

"Oh my God, I didn't know, San. I'm sorry for your loss.” I blinked away my own tears as I wiped away his, “If I would've known—"

I felt a bit overwhelmed.

Suddenly his expression changed, it seemed like he had realized what he had done in the last few minutes. He locked his feelings away, again. He thought he showed too much of his weaker, softer, side and suddenly, he started closing off, just like I used to do. The old San was coming back. He pushed my hands away from his face aggressively, not looking at me.

"Whatever, I don't need your pity." He stared ahead, and leaned back against his bike, lifting his knees up to his chest.

I scoffed, "What did I do now?”

I blinked at him, not understanding the sudden mood change, “Okay, you can't be helped. I tried, I really tried to be nice with you, but you are impossible."

I stood up, "I think the cops are long gone, let's get the fuck out of here." I pushed my bike outside not waiting for San. I sat on my bike, starting the engine. San arrived next to me, with his bike.

"I'm sorry, Y/N." He looked at me with sincerity, but I did not fall for it.

"Yeah, me too, have a good night." I said with a disappointed look and I put my helmet on to drive away quickly. I just needed to get as far away as possible from him.

  Weeks passed since that night. I tried to avoid San as much as I could. I just couldn't face him; I was so tired of his games. There were a few occasions when he tried to talk to me, but I just ignored him. It's not that I don't understand him, I do, I know what he's been through…at least I can imagine. That night, I tried to see his good side, but he did not let me in. And it hurt, because I knew he needed someone, and I would've been by his side. But he suddenly decided to push me away. He closed himself off, stayed in the dark, not allowing me to light his path for a way out. I really felt hopeful for a second that he could change, that he would lower his walls and let me in. But no, he'll just never change, so I gave up on hoping. At least I thought so, but these past days I just couldn't get him out of my mind. When I closed my eyes, I saw him as he smiled at me in for that few minutes when we were freely talking about ourselves. I'm not going to lie, I liked that side of San, it was so pure. And I would've never thought I was going to say such things about Choi San. But he made me feel strange things.

It was late into the night when I was still in the car service. A car needed to be fixed by tomorrow and I told my dad he could rest, he has worked all day long and I could see he was really tired, so I wanted to fix this car by tomorrow. The weather seemed like it would rain soon, lighting striking every few minutes.

Suddenly, I heard an engine sound from outside. I frowned, who it is this late? I opened up the garage door and I found myself facing a soaked San, getting off his Suzuki, staring at me the whole time. His clothes were starting to soak through, the raindrops falling off from his leather jacket. It had started pouring badly; I haven’t even realized it. My heart was beating fast. He took off his helmet, his hair immediately getting wet. San ran his fingers through his hair.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him without any emotion.

"I just want to talk to you, Y/N. Please, let me take you to a place." He looked at me with pleading eyes.

"In this weather, San, seriously?" I pointed out, still standing under the garage, safe from the pouring rain.

"It'll stop in a few minutes." He said his, black clothes soaked now, waterdrops falling off his face. 

"How do you know? Are you a weather expert now too?" I asked frowning. I was just as hostile as he once was towards me.

He chuckled and ran his fingers through his hair again. "I deserved that. Just like the pool."

He looked at me again. I could see a lot of regret in his eyes.

"That night, I closed myself off because your face reminded me of all the people who pitied me back then, when she died. I was only 11 years old, and I got sick of seeing those faces, it always reminded me of her death."

He started to tear up, his voice getting weak again, "Please, Y/N, forgive me. I know I fucked up everything, I just—you—you drive me crazy and I can't behave around you. I feel like when I'm near you I’ll lose my mind, like I’m not myself anymore. I said a lot of shitty things to you, and I judged you a lot even though I didn't know anything about you. I want to change that, I want to know you better, Y/N. I want to let you in, I'll do that if you also want it, but I hope you won't be scared of what you'll see."

I saw as teardrops fell down on his face, but the rain immediately washed it away, his voice cracking from the flow of emotions.

My heart wanted to jump out of my chest. I didn't except him to say things like these to me, "I'm not scared, San, to see your dark side. I never was, and I never will be."

Tears started to appear in my eyes, to my surprise, "You said some hurtful things to me, but I get it, I really do. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but I was just so shocked, I didn't know…I didn't know, San."

I started to sob, tears falling from my face.

"I know, I know, baby." He stepped closer to me as he reached out for my hands pulling me out into the rain, into his chest. I cried into his chest as he rubbed my back up and down, my clothes and my hair soaked. I should’ve been the one comforting him, but in the end, I was the one sobbing like a little girl into his chest.

We stood in the heavy rain; our clothes wet, my hair sticking to my forehead yet he still hugged me like he never wanted to let me go. Caressing my back, he kissed the top of my head. I tried to inhale and exhale, so I could finally speak.

"I forgive you, and also I'm sorry." I whispered to him, lifting my head up from his chest.

He didn't let me go, his left hand was on my waist and he reached his right hand up to my cheeks to wipe off my tears, but they were wet again with tears and raindrops. "It's okay, don't cry, please, because then I'll cry too."

He smiled at me with the sincerity I've never seen before. His eyes were saying so much, it hurt. He finally let me in, allowed me to see his real self.

I laughed at that, and he followed suit, laughing together at this predicament, "Look at us, soaked like wet rats."

He smiled at me, never taking his sharp eyes off me.

Then suddenly his expression became serious, he stared at me as if I was his treasure, wanting to bury me, so no one could take me away, "I want to know you better, I want to know everything about you. What you like, what you don't, what is your favorite color, what do you like to eat, what you did while you were gone from here, what does it feel like to ride your bike…I want to know you, and never let you go."

He said, his hand still on my cheek, accompanied by his other one.

I smiled at him. I felt so happy at that exact moment, I didn't care if I was soaked, I only saw him, "Me too."

I said quietly.

He leaned closer to me, his lips almost touching mine, "Can I kiss you?"

He whispered against my lips sweetly.

Chills ran through my body. I never wanted anything more than him kissing me. I just nodded; words long forgotten. He closed the distance between us, and when our lips finally met, there was a loud thunder rumbling the world, lighting flashing around us and rain pouring from above, washing away our past where we said a lot of stupid things to each other. We could start with a clear page, melting our futures together. Our lips never stopped moving, it felt like heaven and hell met with each other as our lips moved against the other’s, just like when we were racing, both of us tried to win the other over. I welcomed San's darkness wholeheartedly and tried to scare it away with my light.

Then suddenly the rain stopped, and we separated from each other, looking up at the sky. The clouds were gone and the full moon was shining so brightly it looked like it was almost daylight.

I chuckled looking up, "You should apply to be a weatherman."

San was gazing at me so lovingly I felt like I was going to melt right there, "See? Now you can come with me, I want to show you something."

He held my hands.

"Okay, I should bring my bike then." I smiled at him, feeling as happiness crawled into my chest.

"It would be more proper if I was the one taking you there, but I want to race you." He held my waist and pecked my lips a few times. I still needed to get used to this San. I really liked it.

"I'm going to beat you." I scrunched my nose cutely.

"Okay, princess, but first, go change. I don't want you to catch a cold." He caressed my cheekbones.

"I'll bring you some clothes of dad’s, you'll catch a cold too otherwise." I kissed him quickly and then went inside the house, smiling like a fool, to grab some dry clothes.

  It was the middle of the night, but two engine sounds cut through the late-night life. We were going up on winding roads, forests covering both sides of the road. I was laughing beneath my helmet as San goofed around, slowing down and then speeding again. I think I have never felt more happier than right now. It was pure freedom going through these curvy roads, racing against each other. But in the end, it was just the two of us sharing our passion, riding our motorbikes, the moon shining upon us brightly, guiding our roads, showing our future ahead of us.

I finally knew I belonged somewhere, to someone. It was my hometown, and Choi San.

[starset21]

Standard disclaimer: I do not consent to the posting, translating, or publishing of my work to any 3rd party site, the only place it may currently be found is on tumblr and Wattpad under the name @.itswildflower.

A/N: Just a small little comfort oneshot, this is the first x reader I've done so :/

Warnings: reader can be overstimulated or just having a small anxiety attack. Google translated dutch.

You had been standing there in the garage as Max talked to Checo and Daniel and everything had been fine. Until it wasn't. It all became a bit too much and you couldn't help but kind of move to a relatively empty corner of the garage and sit down on the floor. Daniel made quick notice that you had left Max's side and was now staring blankly ahead at the hustle and bustle of the garage, your breathing getting shallow. "Hey mate?" Daniel's brows had furrowed as he nudged and pointed towards you. Max looked over, confused before he recognized what was happening. "O mijn liefste," he sighed before asking Daniel and Checo to give him a moment. He then walked over, kneeling before you. You had tears beginning to fall as you looked at Max. "I don't," you start but stop, running a hand down your face. "It's okay Liefde. You're okay," Max tries to soothe. "I don't- I don't know. I don't know why," you manage to get out. "Can I touch you?" he asks and you nod, hiccuping a little, and trying not to send yourself into a hyperventilating mess. He gently takes your hand from your lap and presses it to his chest, over his heart. "Breathe with me Schat, in for 4 seconds, holding for 7, and exhale 8," he tells her, demonstrating. It takes her a few rounds of it but the tears stopped streaming down your cheeks and you were breathing normally again. You moved your hand from his chest, your whole body sagging with exhaustion. Max stood then took your hands and pulled you up and into his arms, where the two of you stood for another moment. "Do you want to go to my driver room?" he asks quietly and you nod into his chest. "I don't know what brought it on," you tell him as he guide's you to his room, though your voice is barely higher than a whisper. "It doesn't matter now. Het gaat goed met je, mijn liefste, you're safe," he reassures, opening the door to his driver's room and ushering you in. You lay on his couch bench, only moving so he could sit down and you could curl up to him. "Thank you," you murmur and Max hummed, simply placing a kiss to your head, knowing they wouldn't be disturbed for at least an hour.

[joels-shitty-puns]

Kings & Queens

Pairing: Post-Outbreak!Joel Miller x Reader

Summary: I saw a list of reverse writing tropes, one of which was "too many beds" which I thought was hilarious until my brain went crazy. So here's where my mind went when there are oddly... too many beds.

Word Count: ~900

Warnings: None! This could even be read as platonic.

Other stuff: No descriptors. It can be romantic or friendly. Choose your adventure.

To those of you who are reading this: Thank you! I know I haven't written in months. I have barely even been on here. I want that again, but mentally I just haven't been feeling like much of anything lately. That being said, I saw the trope and I had an idea and quickly scribbled this down. It is short, not my best work, and doesn't have much emotion, but I did it :) To those of you who might also be struggling, I see you! You'll get through this. I hope all my tumblr buddies are doing well. I miss you guys.

_________________________________

It had been nearly a year of patrols with Joel. A year of nasty buildings and hard rocky floors to take shelter for the night, a year of either taking turns on watch, or being stuck sharing the same sleeping bag. Or the same mattress. Your only reprieve was your nice bed in Jackson, which you knew was safe, and warm, and most importantly… yours.

Joel was… alright. You two were friendly at best. But for the most part, it was all business. He didn't like to talk much, and you became tired of receiving looks or grunts when asking about Ellie, or Tommy, or his former life. But you worked well together, you made a good team, and you trusted each other to stay safe. You had run into trouble before, and you always had each other's backs. Words were often left unsaid, but you both knew what you meant to the other.

So when you stumbled upon an abandoned shopping mall while scoping potential areas of left-behind goods, it was a breath of fresh air. Malls could be dangerous with so much ground to cover, and so many potential hiding places and dark corners for the cordyceps to fester.

But the mall could also be a light at the end of the tunnel. A plethora of abandoned items to loot and sell or keep for yourself.

After hours of digging through every nook and cranny, you managed to fill a couple of bags full of items, and planned to make it a regular stop on your raids. But as the time grew later, the long-broken clock didn't tick on, and the windows grew dim, you knew it would be an overnight stay. However, choosing a sleeping spot was becoming exhausting with Joel around.

“I saw a sporting goods store. They probably have some sleeping bags, or maybe even a tent,” you provided.

“Nah, we're indoors. I wanna sleep like I'm indoors,” gruffed Joel.

“Oookay. How about that old food place? I think I saw a conveyer belt in the kitchen, next to the oven! It looks like it was used to make pizza,” you chirped excitedly. “I bet we could set up some blankets and make it like a bed.”

“Look, I know that machinery and oven have been dead for years, but on the off chance there's some malfunction, that just seems like a Final Destination event waitin’ to happen,” Joel shook his head.

“Wow you're difficult..” you huffed. “What if we go into the old children's photography studio and make a fort! The walls are even painted to look like a sky,” you offered with doe-eyes.

Joel just looked at you before grumbling back a “no. My back would kill me. There's gotta be a bed in here somewhere.”

Upon finding an old, faded mall map, Joel studied it before picking up the pace with a clear destination in mind.

He came to a stop in front of “Royal Mattressty.”

You raised a brow before saying “royal… mattress-tea?? What?”

“It's a play on words. Royal majesty.” 

“That's the stupidest thing I ever heard,” you rolled your eyes.

“No, no, it's because mattresses come in Kings, Queens, and-” he broke off at your grimace.

“You're such a dad!” 

____

The two of you made your way inside, only to find nearly 100 beds. Memory foam, spring, water, reclining… the possibilities were endless.

“WOW!” You squealed, running from bed to bed. “There's too many beds. I can't choose!”

Joel stretched, moving to a bed near the back corner. “I'm gonna set up here for the night. Sleep where y’want,�� he gestured.

Sitting on a few different beds, you finally settled on one. A perfect, firm yet soft bed at the far end of the store. It was against a wall, allowing you to still see the door and keep your back safe. Perfect.

____

But as the night ticked on, you tossed and turned. You weren't at your home in Jackson. This bed was nice… but it wasn't your safe, cozy cabin.

When you aren't home, you're with Joel. All this time you've been wanting space at night, but now you feel scared and alone. Even a bit cold. But Joel was over on his own bed, probably sound asleep. You wouldn't dare take that away from him.

___

Until what felt like an hour passed.

___

And then another hour…

___

Finally, it had been about an hour and a half when you gave in. You wouldn't be getting any sleep at this rate. Fatigue is a dangerous fate when you need to be alert in this world. So you swallowed your pride and walked over to Joel's bed in the far end of the store.

But he wasn't there…

You wandered back, a bit nervous, until you spotted him. Curled up on a mattress only a row away from yours, you saw him blink in the night.

“You moved beds?” you whispered.

“Yeah, there was a draft over there…”

“A draft? In a mall with no electricity and no windows in this store?” You asked skeptically.

“Mmhm…” he grunted, sleepily.

“Sure. Well… turns out there was a draft over in my corner too. Move over,” you nudged.

“Draft, huh?” He wiggled over, letting you in the bed.

“Mmhm…” you mimicked his earlier grunt, settling in next to him.

“Good night Joel,” you whispered.

“G’night,” he replied, pressing his body closer to yours in the king sized bed.

Maybe there is such a thing as too many beds after all.

__________

Thanks for reading!!! Let me know what you think, and be sure to check out my masterlist for more. Reblogs are appreciated! Xoxo

[sunflowerhyun]

how he sees me | hwang hyunjin | part one

ᝰ summary: “Do you love me?” she asked.

In his hesitation, she found her answer.

OR, alternatively, Hyunjin is a little bit of an asshole and Y/N just misses him.

ᝰ pairing: hwang hyunjin x curvy!reader (f.)

ᝰ genre: ex-childhood-friends-to-lovers, punk!hyunjin au

ᝰ warnings: ! MDNI ! cursing, many references to past situations (in italics), some unwanted groping, y/n has a panic attack, alcohol consumption, mentions of drug use (weed), slight sexual content consisting of: making out, dry humping, brief mention of y/n on top. lots of angst.

ᝰ wc: 16k+

ᝰ a/n: hiii. part one is in the books !! this is my very first fan fiction on tumblr and i’m super excited to go on this journey w/ you all ! thanks for reading

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Y/N always loved the stars.

She loved the fact that once the sun went back into its hiding place and there was no more light to pave way, a million stars would make their appearance, decorating the night sky and bringing back some of that light that was previously lost. They would twinkle, dance—Y/N rarely ever saw them alone. And the main thing she loved about them was that the brightest star in the sky, would always be accompanied by another. The night sky was their gathering place—their safe haven—and it soon became hers too.

Y/N always loved the stars, because they reminded her of him.

On the nights where Y/N was stressing about their next test in Calculus and she just couldn’t for the life of her make it make sense, they would go see the stars. On the nights where Y/N would cry over some stupid boy that decided he didn’t want her anymore, they would go see the stars. On the nights where he had enough of his parents and felt hopeless, worthless, undeserving of anything and everything in the word, they would go see the stars.

Nothing was ever said when they went to see the stars. They would take his car, drive to an abandoned area, lay on the hood, and just breathe. He often told her he felt suffocated, contained; when they went to see the stars, he could finally break free from that. And Y/N would curl up beside him, his arm bringing her as close as they could get, and they would simply just be present with one another. The stars were their thing, their escape; him and her.

Nothing was ever said when they went to see the stars, until it was.

“I’m leaving.”

Y/N raised her head from his chest, sitting up so she could face him directly, to make sure she heard him correctly. He avoided eye contact, eyes staying focused on the sky in front of him. That night, the stars were hiding behind the clouds.

“What?” she whispered, heart beat thumping out of her chest, “what do you mean?”

He swallowed thickly, taking his bottom lip in-between his teeth. The same lips that she had kissed the night before. The same lips that had whispered sweet nothings and broken promises in her ear as she gave him her firsts. The same lips that will eventually betray her, break her, ruin her.

“I’m leaving,” he repeated, like he had practiced saying it a hundred times in the mirror before this. “I’m leaving, and I’m not coming back.”

He sounded so sure of this, voice stern and clear as day. The words hung in the air for one second, five seconds, fifteen—and then, “what do you mean?”

The question came out again, a whisper—the breeze carried it through the sky. He had heard her, but said nothing more, eyes staying forward, his arm still laying sprawled out beside him, the same arm she was laying on top of just moments earlier. Why isn’t he looking at her?

“What do you mean, Hyunjin?!” The question came out more harsh this time, and his nostrils flared slightly at the tone. “You can’t just tell me you’re leaving and never coming back and expect me to just sit here and let you without any sort of explanation! Does our friendship mean nothing to you? Do I mean nothing to you?”

He closed his eyes briefly, finally giving some sort of a reaction, running his hands through his hair and dragging them down to cover his face. Nothing was heard but the faint sound of crickets, the slight rustle of the trees as the wind blew… and Hyunjin was still not saying anything.

“You can’t even look at me,” Y/N whispered, and his body stiffened. Suddenly, she began to panic, reaching out to softly grip his thigh, leaning forward. “Let me come with you, then. You know I don’t want to live here either. We can get an apartment together, and I can re-apply to some colleges to wherever you’re going. I-I’m sure my parents would be a little upset about it, but I know they would under—"

“Stop, Y/N.”

“—stand, because they really like you, you know? I mean, you’ve been around since we were in elementary school, and my mom was so excited when we went to prom together, and—"

“Y/N!” He yelled, sitting up from the hood of the car and taking his hands off his face. Y/N flinched, moving her hand off his thigh like it had burned her…but Hyunjin was finally looking at her. “Just… stop.”

It was quiet. He was breathing heavy, staring at her like he was about to break her. The wind blew, and Hyunjin’s hair fell into his eyes. He was so beautiful. Here he was sitting on the hood of his car, telling her he’s leaving her, and yet he was beautiful. Y/N felt her heart drop into her stomach, wanting nothing more than to lean over and connect their lips, beg him to stay, beg him to just explain to her what was going on.

“You can’t come with me. I just need to get away from here. I’m going to suffocate if I stay in this town any longer. I made it through graduation, and now it’s time for me to leave. There’s nothing for me here and I’m drowning each second I stay.”

“But I’m here,” she whispered. “Is that not enough?”

The stars never came out that night.

Y/N thinks back to that night a lot, a lot more than she should. She thought back to his body language the day of and how… off he seemed. He barely made eye contact, would slightly flinch whenever she touched him—smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. Y/N recognized the signs, and that’s why she wasn’t surprised when he had asked her to go see the stars that night. She just wasn’t expecting that.

Tears, screams, and whispers were the highlight of that night. Y/N—begging him to stay, Hyunjin—making promises he knew he wouldn’t keep. And Y/N clung to those promises because Hyunjin had never broken any. But when one week, three weeks, months passed, she came to the realization that Hyunjin was not who she thought he was.

The tears and screams came back then. And they haven’t really gone away since.

That’s why tonight, when Jeongin had invited her to come out to have a couple of drinks to celebrate him recently graduating university, she thought of the stars, and she thought of him.

She doesn’t think she’s ever stopped.

“Y/N!” She heard her name being called, glancing away from the sky to turn her head towards the sound of the voice. A mop of blonde hair was speed walking towards her, eyes twinkling and smile widening.

She smiled back, stumbling back a few steps once Felix had approached her and embraced her in one of his famous, suffocating bear hugs. Felix loved hugs and Y/N loved being the reciprocator of them; it’s always nice to feel cared for. “Ugh, I’m so ready to get drunk tonight. You won’t believe the amount of last-minute orders we got today.”

“Well, it is about that time for graduation season. Lots of people wanting some of your tasty cakes, ya know.”

Felix snorted at her comment, pulling away from the hug, running his fingers through his hair. He had started growing it out and Y/N thought it suit him well.

“Speaking of your tasty cakes, did you bring one for Jeongin?”

“Who do you take me for? Of course I did!” He replied, putting a hand on Y/N’s back to lightly guide her towards the front door of the bar, “Well, I didn’t bring it. That was Minho’s job. But I did make it. And I spent about four hours decorating the damn thing, so you better take some pictures before it gets ruined.”

“Shouldn’t that have been Minho’s job since he’s the one bringing it?” Y/N asked, mumbling a small thank you as Felix held the door open for her.

“Fuck, you’re right. Let’s hope they didn’t cut into it already or I might throw a fit.”

“Please, not tonight in front of everyone.” Y/N teased, glancing around her briefly to take in the scene in front of her. She had never been here before—not really being the type to go out and drink often—but the vibe was okay, as far as she could tell. It was crowded, but not too much as to where it would feel suffocating. The music was upbeat, not blaring loud to where she had to scream to have a basic conversation and she didn’t spot any couples aggressively making out in the middle of the bar. However, it was only 20:00, so that was probably going to change pretty soon.

“So on a scale of 0-10, 10 being the best, how is it? I know you’re probably about to piss yourself from just being in here.”

“I am not!” She shoved him to the side a little, letting out a scoff, “And normally it’s the other way around. But I’m giving this place a solid 6 right now. That could change though, depending on how much you annoy me tonight.”

Felix rolled his eyes, “Yeah, whatever. Jeongin made sure to choose this place extra carefully since you were coming. It’s really not that bad. You need to have a few drinks and relax for once. You’ve been working too much lately.”

Y/N sighed at his comment, feeling a headache coming on just from the mention of work. She’s been running on 3 hours of sleep per night the past few weeks and simply just wanted to go lay in her bed since she’s finally off tomorrow. A bubble bath and a glass of Moscato sounded really nice too.

“Let’s go find the others. Jeongin booked a private area in the back for us.”

Y/N hummed in response, leaning closer to Felix as he led them towards the back of the bar. She glanced at him, noting the lip tint on his lips, the overwhelming scent of Dior, and his famous lip ring he rarely wore. She squinted her eyes, “Are you trying to get laid tonight?”

“Maybe I am,” he cracked a grin.

“I can tell. You smell and look like you’ve just came out of a fashion show that neither of us can afford,” Y/N teasingly poked the side of his face, laughing as he quickly swat her hand away before returning its position back onto her lower back. “Anyone in particular or are you just looking for someone random?”

Felix groaned slightly, “I hate when you interrogate me like this.”

“I’m not! I’m just invested and being a good friend,” She spoke, heels loudly clanking against the floor, and Y/N kind of wished she didn’t chose to wear these tonight. “You should be able to enjoy yourself. I just like to know details.”

“You get off to the details or something?”

“Not those details, you pervert!” She exclaimed, elbowing him in his side once they came to a halt. He groaned lightly before attempting to elbow her back, as she let out a laugh before dodging it, gently gripping his arm and moving back towards him. “You know what I mean. I just like to make sure you’re alright and that they aren’t sketch or something.”

“I’d like to think that I have good judgement.”

“Hm, I don’t know. Remember that red-headed girl you hooked up with a few months ago? She literally tried to fight me, threaten me, and also showed up at your work crying because she thought you were cheating on her. And remember when she—"

“Okay, that was one time!” Felix quickly defended himself as Y/N gave him a I told you so look. “Alright fine, I’d like to think I have good judgement when I’m not drunk off vodka and red wine. Which was your fault, by the way.”

Y/N gasped, “It was most certainly not! Minho was the one that—"

“Are you guys ever going to stop flirting in front of us?” A voice piped up from beside them, and Y/N immediately recognized it to be Minho’s. “Normally we would encourage both of you to go get a quickie in at the bathroom, but it is Jeongin’s graduation celebration, so that would be rude since he isn’t getting any.”

“Hello to you too, Minho. My day was great, thank you for asking,” Felix rolled his eyes, gently moving Y/N’s hand off his arm to make his way over to a scowling Jeongin who was obviously annoyed at Minho’s comment, “Congrats on finally graduating!”

Jeongin’s death stare was quickly replaced with a smile as he embraced Felix in a hug, letting out a thank you. “Hey!” He suddenly shouted, the scowl immediately making its way back as he struggled to swat Felix’s hands away from his head, “Get off! You’re messing up my hair and it’s my night!”

“Yeah, Lix, you’re ruining his chances of getting laid tonight.”

Jeongin groaned at Minho’s comment. “I am sick of you. Remind me why I invited you, again?”

“Because you love me.” Minho smirked.

“Leave him alone, Minho,” Y/N rolled her eyes, shoving him to the side slightly before walking over to where Felix and Jeongin were. Jeongin stood up when seeing her, pushing Felix to the side as he embraced her in a hug.

“Congratulations! I know you’ve worked hard!” Y/N smiled, as he mumbled out a thank you. Y/N pulled away from the hug, digging into her purse to pull out the gift card her and Felix had bought. “Here ya go. $500 visa gift card to spend on whatever you want from Felix and I. He was supposed to also buy a card to put it in, but you know how he is.”

“$500?!” Minho obnoxiously shouted, “Where was this generosity for my graduation? I only got $50!”

“Shut up,” Jeongin rolled his eyes, smiling widely once looking at Y/N and Felix. “Thank you guys so much! You really didn’t have to.”

“Of course we did! Graduating university is a big deal. Now you can go work as an Engineer and buy a round of drinks for once!” Felix laughed, patting him on the head. Y/N snorted lightly at the way Jeongin’s cheeks became red, knowing how his drinks and food are always paid for whenever they go out together. Y/N was once a university student too, so she understood the struggle.

“Hello? Are you guys just going to ignore me?”

“Do you not remember me buying you almost $300 worth of drinks and food that night?” Felix asked, as Minho shook his head. He rolled his eyes, “I’m sorry you were so wasted you didn’t remember. But I did. Y/N is the one that gave you the visa card.”

“I was in university and broke!” Y/N defended herself when seeing Minho shooting her a look, “And to be fair, I had only known you for a few months then. I didn’t have to get you anything, you know.”

“I know, I know. I’m teasing,” Minho smirked, walking up to Y/N and lightly hitting his hip against hers. “Let me order you a drink. First round’s on me.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” Y/N smiled, quickly walking over to hand Felix her purse (so she wouldn’t be tempted to start a tab), before heading towards the bar. “This place is kinda nice. Not too rowdy or anything.”

“Yeah, it’s one of the more tamer ones around here. I’ve been here a few times. The liquor is pretty good,” He replied. Y/N took a few moments to quickly look him over head-to-toe, noticing that he had just recently changed his hair color. It’s gotten a little longer, too. “You dyed your hair black. And you’ve started growing it out. Is long hair coming back into style, or are you seeing someone?”

Minho snorted, running his fingers through his hair as they approached the bar. He quickly caught the attention of the bartender, ordering them both a vodka sour before turning his body to face her, leaning against the bar side table. “Long hair has never gone out of style and I’m not currently seeing anyone. Why? Are you interested?”

“In your dreams, maybe.” Y/N smirked in response, and Minho snorted in reply. She always found him to be quite handsome, and his personality was unlike anyone’s she had ever met. Minho was blunt, always telling things as it was, and never sugar coated anything. He was successful, graduated university with a business degree, currently finishing up his MBA while working alongside his father at a very well known company throughout the country.

He was the perfect image of a perfect partner. Yet, he wasn’t him.

He has ruined everyone for her, and he doesn’t even know it.

At the thought of him, Y/N frowned, eyes zeroing in on the crumbled up napkin currently laying on the floor near Minho’s feet. Minho was now conversing with the bartender as he sat the drinks in front of him, and everything suddenly started to sound muffled. Memories began to flood into her mind; memories of plush lips grazing her skin, late night swims in her grandma’s pool, the way he held her whenever it stormed because he knew she was afraid of being alone, sneaking into each other’s bedrooms at midnight to eat junk food and binge watch their favorite drama...

It wasn’t until she felt someone lightly shaking her arm that she had snapped out of her state, eyes shooting up to glance at a slightly worried Minho, the drinks balancing on his free hand. She blinked once, twice—before her cheeks started to tint a shade of pink in embarrassment.

“You okay?” Minho had asked her. Y/N could almost cry from the worried look in his eyes. How embarrassing it was to blank out like that.

“I’m fine, sorry. I’m just a little tired still from working 5 nights in a row, is all,” She replied, mustering a smile that she knew probably seemed fake, and gently grabbed one of the drinks from his hand. She took a long sip, “Let’s go back and dig into some cake and take some shots.” She definitely is going to need some heavy alcohol to make it through the rest of the night.

Minho wasn’t fully convinced, but mumbled out an “alright” before leading them both back over to where the others were waiting. A few more of Jeongin’s friends had shown up, Y/N noticed, watching as they had already ordered two rounds of tequila shots. She hurriedly walked over to the empty chair beside Felix and took a seat, chugging down the rest of her vodka sour and slamming it on the table in front of her. At the sound, Felix glanced over to her mid-conversation with some guy she has never met before, words dying down in his throat when seeing the look on her face.

He gently grabbed her hand and pulled it under the table, “What’s wrong?”

Y/N smiled in response, giving his hand a tight squeeze. “Nothing! I’m just ready to take some shots and eat your tasty cake you spent hours working on.”

Felix saw right through her. Y/N knew he could tell she was lying. He knew her too well. “Y/N, if something is bothering you, we can lea—"

Loud laughter suddenly was heard as one of Jeongin’s friends had suddenly pushed his head into his graduation cake. Minho busted out into a fit of manic laughter, snapping pictures to probably post on his snapchat story in attempt to embarrass him any way he can. Jeongin immediately began to complain, and Felix groaned out a, “Minho, please tell me you took a picture of the cake first!”

“Calm down, blondie. The picture was taken so you can post it on your IG.” He rolled his eyes in response, bickering with Jeongin a little bit more before ruffling the head on his hair and plopping down on the empty seat next to Y/N. “These pictures are golden. I should go into photography.”

“Like you need the extra money.” Felix retorted, “Send me the picture before you forget later. It better not be blurry.”

Y/N giggled at their banter, reaching over to grab the un-touched tequila shot in front of her and downing it. She immediately relaxed, eyes closing as she leaned back into the seat a bit.

“Damn, you didn’t even use a lime or salt,” Minho stated in disbelief, “And you didn’t wait on me. So now you’ve got to do another one.”

“You were being too slow.” She replied with a grin, “And if you knew the work week I’ve had, you would understand. So order us some more shots, please!”

Minho chuckled, grabbing the touch screen pad they had at their table to input another round of shots for everyone. Y/N could tell Felix was looking at her again, but she chose to ignore him for now. She’s here to drink, eat cake, and celebrate Jeongin. The crying can come later.

“Done!” He shouted, clapping and rubbing his hands together in anticipation. “I fucking love tequila. I’d marry it if I could.”

“You’d marry a lot of things,” Felix replied, deciding to drop the conversation once realizing Y/N didn’t want to talk right now. He’d get it out of her later, anyway.

“Especially Selena Gomez.” Minho sighed dreamily. Felix rolled his eyes. “I’d give up my liver for her. And my virginity.”

“You’re not even a virgin.”

“Shh, she doesn’t know that.”

“Selena hasn’t even been on tour in like years. Is she still relevant?” One of Jeongin’s friends popped into the conversation. Minho froze, head turning slowly to glare at the guy, and Y/N tried to hold in her laugh at the way his face paled slightly when seeing Minho’s facial expression.

“Did you just insult my wife?”

The guy, who Y/N did not know the name of, visibly gulped, immediately letting out a cluster of, “Of course not! Selena is amazing! She’s so headstrong! I didn’t mean to come off that way. It’s just been so long since she’s like—"

“Peter, chill. He’s just messing with you.” Jeongin interrupted him when seeing that his friend was about to shit himself from Minho’s stare. Peter let out a nervous laugh, deciding to turn his head away from their direction and start conversation on the other side of the table.

Felix snorted when seeing Minho’s satisfied smirk on his face. He leaned back into his chair, twirling the glass of vodka sour in his hand before taking a sip. “I love the affect I have on people.”

“You’re a narcissist.” Y/N laughed. Poor Peter. She would have to make sure to speak with him before she leaves later.

“Speaking of tours and concerts though, are you guys interested in coming to this music festival? One of my buddies from back home is in this band and I promised I would go watch them perform. They’re pretty fucking sick.”

“Who is it?” Felix asked.

“They’re called Stray Kids. Pretty fucking dope. Chan is my friend, and then there’s 3 other dudes. I haven’t met them yet though,” He replied, eagerly grabbing the tequila shots from the waitress with a thank you and passing them down.

Y/N grabbed one of the shots, reaching for a lime and some salt. “That could be fun. What kind of music do they make?”

Minho and Felix did the same, and they each said a brief cheers before downing their shots. Y/N sighed, immediately starting to feel a little lighter and less upset. She hadn’t had tequila in a hot minute.

“Damn that was good,” Minho wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, “They do some heavy metal shit. It’s awesome. They performed at Coachella last year and then kind of got viral on the internet. They’re going on their first world tour next year. Surprised you haven’t heard of them.”

“Oh wow,” Y/N mumbled. “That’s so nice. That’s crazy that one of your best friend’s is basically a celebrity.”

“Right,” Minho laughed, shaking his head back and forth like he was in disbelief. “I still remember us as kids writing songs together and forcing our parents to listen to it. Crazy.”

Y/N smiled at Minho’s comment as a another memory flooded her brain.

“Let’s do this again!” Hyunjin had shouted, running over to the CD player sitting on top of the desk in the playroom.

“Jinnie, I’m tired!” Y/N whined, sprawled out on the carpet in agony, sweating like she had just ran a marathon. “We’ve been practicing this for over an hour! When can we go play barbies? You promised you would play with me.”

Hyunjin groaned at the mention of barbies. He despised them. “Stop being dramatic. Do you want to have a sleepover or not?”

Y/N pouted, “Of course I do.”

“Then stand up so we can do this again. You know this is the only way to convince your mom to let you stay, and she’s going to be here to pick you up in like 30 minutes.”

Y/N sighed, glancing over at the princess barbie house she had gotten for her 8th birthday recently in longing. She was so excited to show Hyunjin her new horse carriage and princess doll. And she was even more excited when the prince doll came with it. He looked just like Hyunjin, and it made her feel fuzzy inside.

Hyunjin groaned again when seeing that Y/N was making no effort to get off the floor. He glanced at the barbie house, then back at her, rolling his eyes before letting out a, “Fine. Let’s do this one more time so we are prepared when your mom gets here, and then when she says yes, we can play barbies until dinner.”

Y/N sat up, crossing her legs on the floor. “Really?” She eagerly asked.

“Yes. I will be the prince and rescue you from the witch,” Hyunjin confirmed with a nod of his head, knowing she always made him save her in some way whenever she forced him to play.

"Will you also promise to not make a face whenever they kiss?"

Hyunjin immediately made his classic 'ew' face at the mention of kissing. "Ugh, why do you always want them to kiss? Why can't they just hug like normal people?"

"Because they just have to! Every prince always kisses his princess!"

Hyunjin groaned again, glaring at the barbie castle, horse carriage, and dolls laying in the corner of his playroom. She always brought the entire set whenever she came over to his house on weekends so that they could play together. Hyunjin dreaded it.

"It's still gross. But fine. As long as you stand up and finish this dance with me."

Y/N grinned, immediately jumping up to run over to him, tackling him into a hug as he let out an oof sound. “Thanks Jinnie! You’re the bestest friend ever!”

Hyunjin blushed slightly, yet quickly shoved her off of him, "Ew, get off of me. You are sweaty and gross."

Y/N giggled, leaning in again to give him a wet kiss on his cheek, and he screeched loudly before dramatically wiping the side of his cheek with the back of his hand, letting out a, "Gross! Why do you always do that?!"

“Y/N?” a voice interrupted her thoughts. She blinked, seeing that Minho and Felix were both starring at her again expectantly. “Yes? Sorry.” She replied.

“They started cutting the cake. There’s a slice in front of you.”

“Oh,” Y/N spoke, letting out a few giggles in embarrassment, “Right. Yum.”

Minho and Felix shared a look, and Y/N noticed this, quickly grabbing the fork and shoving a piece of cake in her mouth. “Your cakes never disappoint, Lix.” She spoke through a mouthful of cake, “Does this have expresso in it?”

“Yeah, it does. Jeongin’s request. Dark chocolate with expresso,” Felix replied, and Y/N nodded her head with a pleased hum.

“So when is this festival? I’m going to have to take off work most likely if it’s a weekday.”

Minho took a bite of his cake, wiping his mouth after. “It’s actually next weekend. Sorry for the late notice. I waited until the last minute to get the tickets. But it’s covered, so you guys won’t owe me anything.”

“I’m actually off next weekend since I worked this past one, so that works for me. Also, I don’t mind paying you back. I think it would be fun.”

“Yeah, I think so too. I’m down to go,” Felix agreed with a nod of his head.

“Cool. I’m going to text Chan and let him know we’re coming. He said he could get us backstage after they perform. They’re performing towards the end of the festival.” Minho replied, pulling his phone out of his pocket. He typed for a couple seconds, and then put it back in his front pocket of his pants. “They’re performing Friday and Saturday night. It’s a two-day thing. The tickets I got cover both days.”

“What’s the festival called?”

“Rock Your Socks Out. It’s just a bunch of alternative artists. Pretty sick.”

“Nice,” Felix replied, sliding his plate over and grabbing his napkin to dab at his mouth. “And we get to go backstage, too? And meet your celebrity friend? Even better.”

Minho chuckled, “I already know you’re plotting a way to get them to promote your bakery.”

“Yup, totally am.”

Y/N scrapped up the last of the crumbs on her plate into her mouth before leaning back into the seat, “Lix, your bakery is already pretty successful. You’ve literally made the top 10 for two years in a row.”

“Don’t flatter him again. We will never hear the end of it.” Minho groaned.

“That’s a huge deal for small businesses. He can brag about it all he wants! He deserves it.” Y/N replied, giving Felix a wide smile that immediately had him smiling back in triumph.

“Yeah, Minho. What she said.”

Minho rolled his eyes, standing up and pushing his chair under the table, “Yeah, whatever. I’m gonna go dance and order some more drinks so I’m not tempted to call my secretary about those files that are probably still not done.”

“I’m coming with!” Y/N followed suit, stopping briefly when feeling a hand gently grab her wrist. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Felix asked again.

“I’m fine. Seriously. I just want to go dance and have a few more drinks. You should do the same and go get what you came for in the first place.” Y/N poked his cheek, and Felix rolled his eyes when catching onto the fact that she was referencing to him getting laid tonight.

Y/N knew he was wanting to press the conversation further, leaning down to quickly kiss his cheek in an effort to end the conversation before jogging after Minho who was already at the bar ordering more drinks. Felix shouldn’t worry about her, Minho shouldn’t worry about her. She was going to have a great time with her friends tonight and get shit-faced. Simple as that.

She was fine.

——>

Y/N was not fine.

Three tequila shots later, Y/N found herself dancing with some random guy she didn’t care to know. His hands roamed her frame, paying extra attention to her hips and the thick curve of her ass. She didn’t mind that, (being five tequila shots in), but what she did mind was the feeling of his lips on her neck. It gave her goosebumps, and not in a good way.

“Stop, please,” She slurred out, grabbing his hands and pulling them away from her ass in case he didn’t hear her from the music that had gotten ten times louder over the past two hours.

The feeling on her neck wouldn’t stop, and she let out a huff of annoyance before attempting to turn her body around to face this guy, but stopped mid-turn at the feeling of his hands sharply turning her hips to where she was back in the same position as before. She frowned, attempting to grab his hands again to throw them off, but failed to do so.

The guy’s hands traveled up her waist and towards her breasts, pulling her even closer, “S-stop,” She let out again, trying to wiggle her way out of his grasp, and he let out a moan when she accidentally pushed back onto his dick.

“Hey!” A voice yelled over the music, making Y/N glance up to see that Minho was approaching them. “Get the fuck off, dude. She’s obviously uncomfortable.”

The guy scoffed, and before he could say anything Minho had grabbed her hands and easily pulled her off of him. Y/N grinned, immediately wrapping her arms around his waist. “Minnie! I’m so happy to see you! Did you see me dancing? Did I improve any?”

Minho hugged her back, glaring at the back of the guy’s head that must have decided he couldn’t care less about the situation and started walking away. “Yep, I did. And yep, you did. Did you take more shots?” He replied, pulling her body off of his to look into her eyes, immediately seeing that she was—in fact—shit-faced.

“Yes! I dunno how many though. Maybe like two? I stopped counting,” She giggled, swaying back and forth slightly in attempt to keep her balance. Minho sighed, checking his watch on his wrist to see that it was nearing midnight. “Let’s go get you some water and sit down for a bit.” He spoke, gently grabbing her forearm and leading her towards the bar.

“I don’t need any water, silly willy. I’m fine.” Y/N slurred out, stumbling a bit when she had accidentally knocked into a couple dancing. Minho let out a groan when catching her before she could fall, and Y/N giggled.

“I’m fine, my ass. I about broke my fucking back trying to protect your head from the floor.” Minho stated with a slightly annoyed huff, but nevertheless ended up getting them safely to the bar and immediately pushed Y/N into one of the chairs. He ordered a large glass of ice water, pulling out his phone to send a text to Felix to see where he was at and if he should take her home or not.

Y/N leaned back into the chair, half-lidded eyes roaming the dance floor, doing a double take when seeing a couple making out near the wall towards the back.

“Wait, you’re serious?”

Y/N sighed quietly, flipping the page of the biology textbook and highlighting the sentence about ribosomes, attempting to ignore the question. She could feel his stare on her, and it was starting to make her sweat a little. She sighed again when realizing he wasn’t going to look away. “Yes, Hyunjin. 100% serious.”

Hyunjin scrunched his eyebrows, face displaying a total look of disbelief as he looked at her like she had grown two heads.

“Why do you look so shocked? You know guys avoid me like the plague.”

“I don’t.”

“You don’t count.”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, “Whatever. Back to the important thing here, I can’t believe you’re 18 and haven’t made out with anyone before. What happened to Noah?”

“Nothing. He ditched me for Kassi at prom. Apparently he just wanted to go with me to make her jealous. And it worked, because I got called a slut and laughed at by all her friends while she made out with him near the punch bowl.”

Hyunjin winced, “Wait, what? Why didn’t you come get me? Or tell me? We could’ve went and gotten McDonalds instead.”

“I wasn’t going to ruin your night. It’s fine. Seriously, it’s not a big deal.” She replied, picking her highlighter back up to continue skimming the paragraph in the textbook. His eyes were still on her and Y/N shifted slightly. She hated when he stared at her like that because it made her nervous, and it was getting more difficult to not show it the older they got.

Hyunjin was probably thinking that she was lame for not having her first make-out session with anyone and was probably thinking how to make her feel less embarrassed about the situation. But really, he should’ve known. Y/N was never the kind to just get up and kiss anybody and Hyunjin knew that. She doesn’t know why he seemed so shocked at that fact, or why he wasn’t laughing yet.

Wait, why wasn’t he laughing?

“Do you want to quiz each other?” Y/N asked in attempt to ease her nerves and change the topic of the conversation. He was probably starting to feel sorry for her and she was starting to get a little embarrassed. It didn’t help that he wouldn’t stop starring at her, either. “I can go first. Just flip to the practice questions at the back of the chapter and read them off—“

“We can make-out, if you want.”

Y/N stopped mid-sentence at his comment, mouth closing then opening, then closing again. Her ears must be deceiving her because there was no way he just suggested a make-out session with her.

“What?” She asked, hoping she had heard him wrong, but by the look on his face, she was starting to think that she didn’t.

“I said we can make-out if you want to,” Hyunjin replied, unfazed. He was so unbothered by the suggestion that Y/N was still having trouble comprehending that he had even offered this in the first place.

He must have saw the look on her face, rolling his eyes slightly before letting out a, “You’re acting like we haven’t kissed before. It’s just making out.”

“A couple experimental pecks when we were younger doesn’t count as kissing!” Y/N exclaimed with a squeak, cringing at the sound of her voice. She knew she was getting so red right now and wanted to hide under her blankets. “And—and, you’re acting like this is just so casual! Like we make-out all the time! Is this some kind of joke? Are you just saying this to make fun of me? Because it isn’t funny, and… and… you can’t just sit there and nonchalantly offer to make-out with me! Like, won’t that be—“

“Do you want to suck faces with me or not?” Hyunjin interrupted her small rant, and Y/N choked. “Look, it’s really not a big deal. I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable, and it won’t make things awkward. I’ve literally taken a shit in the same bathroom while you’ve showered before. I’m not making fun of you. I’m just saying I’m down to be your first. Maybe I can give you some pointers so you’re more confident when the situation comes up again with another guy. That’s all.”

Y/N pursed her lips, glancing down at her hands, then back towards his face. He looked so sincere, and his hair was slightly grazing his eyes. Y/N wanted to reach out and push it back. “Okay.” She quietly stated, and Hyunjin’s eyes widened slightly, not expecting her to agree.

“Okay,” He had replied even quieter, gently grabbing the textbook from her lap and placing it on the floor and out of the way. Once there was no more barriers between them, he had scooted closer to her, the bed creaking slightly as he did so. Y/N could feel her heart beating out of her chest, wondering if Hyunjin’s was doing the same.

“I’m going to kiss you now. I’ll start slow,” He softly spoke, words sounding like honey, dripping down and down until his voice was the only thing she could hear. She nodded slightly, and he glanced at her lips. She licked them impulsively, and his eyes shot back up to her own. She took in a breath when feeling his hand lightly graze the side of her face, his gaze so intense that it had her tremble slightly from the anticipation.

And then his lips were on hers.

Soft. That was the first thing that came to her mind. His lips were so soft and so plush against hers that she was starting to struggle to breathe. And to move her own.

He pulled away, “You’re not kissing me back.”

Y/N was sure her face resembled a fucking tomato at this point, wanting to slap herself for getting too caught up in the feeling of his lips that she forgot to move. “Right, uh, s-sorry.”

“S’fine,” He smirked in response, a teasing glint in his eyes, and Y/N wanted to slap herself again. “I’m gonna do it again. Just follow my lead, okay? And if you wanna stop, tell me.”

Y/N nodded nervously, and Hyunjin’s lips twitched slightly. He grabbed her hands, placing them on his shoulders so she wouldn’t feel so awkward, and Y/N gulped from the feeling. Sure, he was still scrawny, but he had started working out, and Y/N definitely noticed.

He smiled at her, and before Y/N could blurt out that she couldn’t do it, his lips were on hers again.

This time, it felt different.

They were still soft, but they were also wet. She moved her lips slowly against his, following his lead like he said, and she could taste him. He tasted like the strawberries he had earlier and like heaven. Y/N didn’t want to stop.

She didn’t want him to stop, letting out a whine once he disconnected their lips.

Her face immediately got red and she wanted to slap herself for the fourth time. Hyunjin’s eyes widened slightly at the noise, pupils blown, and Y/N clinched, hoping he wouldn’t notice.

He did. And he leaned in again.

This time, it was all tongue and teeth. It was messy and it was rough. Y/N let out a moan when his hand softly gripped her thigh, and he moved it up to her waist, giving it a squeeze. It was fast and it was hot, and Y/N wasn’t even struggling to keep up because she was so worked up.

This was her and it was Hyunjin. Her sweet Hyunjin, who offered to help her learn to kiss so she wouldn’t embarrass herself with someone else later on. Her considerate Hyunjin, who made sure she wasn’t uncomfortable. Her sensual Hyunjin, who slid his tongue into her mouth, hands traveling back to her thighs before dipping in between them, grazing her clothed core briefly.

Y/N let out a soft moan at the feeling of his hand briefly touching her through her leggings, hands impulsively coming up to grip at his hair, tugging him even closer to her. He let out a groan, breaking the kiss briefly to re-adjust his body, leaning her back onto the bed so he could tower over her more comfortably.

She spread her legs as she felt his body weight on top of her and he bit his lip as he noticed that. Y/N felt embarrassed at their new position and at the fact that she was probably acting like a virgin who had never been touched before, but that’s exactly what she was, so she didn’t care. Instead, she grabbed his face, bringing him down to connect their lips again for the fourth time.

Kissing him and being with him like this ignited something within her. The feeling of his lips on hers, his body pressing into hers, his hands on her. It was her, and it was Hyunjin.

Her hips lifted up slightly, grazing his dick in his sweatpants, and Y/N whined when he groaned loudly at the feeling. She did it again intentionally, wanting to hear him make that sound again and to feel him on her again. He roughly bit her lip in response, almost as if he was sending a warning, before disconnecting their lips, a string of spit following him as he leaned his head back.

“Maybe another time for that, yeah?” He spoke, voice seeming ten times deeper with a little rasp to it, and Y/N’s legs squeezed around his lower half at the sound.

“A-another time? Aren’t you supposed to be teaching me how to k-kiss?” Her words came out in breaths, the legs wrapped around his body not loosening their grip.

The corner of his mouth twitched in amusement, “Yeah. And I did.”

One of his hands trailed up her right leg slowly, inching its way in between her thigh. He smirked teasingly, “I think you just lied to me, by the way. I think you’ve kissed a bunch of guys and just didn’t tell me.”

Y/N opened her mouth to let out a snarky response, but no words came out. It seemed she had finally came to her senses about their current position, immediately loosening her legs from his body, wondering what the hell had just happened and how she even got to be like this. She was embarrassed and extremely turned on, and the way Hyunjin was looking at her was enough to make her want to cover her face in hopes that she would disappear. So she did.

She could hear Hyunjin laughing, and she groaned in embarrassment. “Stop laughing at me! You’re so annoying!”

He rolled off of her, plopping down beside her on his bed before reaching up to gently pry her hands off of her face. Her face was red, eyes refusing to make eye contact. He rolled his eyes, “Stop being so shy. I’m not laughing at you, it’s just this whole situation was funny. And I’m laughing because you are a total fucking liar. What happened to pinky promises?”

“Funny? Nothing about this situation was funny! I’m not a liar, you idiot. I was following your lead like you asked me to. And now you’re sitting here laughing thinking this was funny and I’m frustrated now because you’re not even—“ Her eyes widened at where she was going with this, mouth immediately closing, wanting to go to the bathroom and vomit when realizing what she was about to say to him. He seemed to catch on to it, too, eyes intently starring at her, trailing their way down her body and back up to her face.

He smirked again, eye brows raising in amusement, his eyes holding a certain glint to them, “Well we can’t have you frustrated, can we?”

Y/N groaned again, giving him a shove before sitting up to grab the textbook off the floor, plopping it back onto the bed. “Shut up! Stop being so annoying and quiz me before I leave and never come back.”

“You would never. You love me too much.”

“Y/N?” A voice was heard, sounding slightly frantic. Y/N could feel her eyes watering, lip quivering, the music around her sounding muffled and estranged. “I know I’ve been asking this a lot, but are you… okay?”

Her vision started to get even more blurry. Her throat started to tighten up. The muffled sounds seemed to grow more faint.

And then she was crying.

Minho’s eyes widened, immediately moving to stand in front of her, hands gently grabbing her shoulders, “Shit, you’re definitely not okay. What’s wrong? Was it that prick from earlier? Did he do something? Do I need to beat somebody’s ass?”

“I miss him,” She cried, tears falling down and down and down, her make-up running down her face, eyes so empty. She hasn’t cried like this in months, and the tears just would not stop. They were flowing out like a river, and she would keep adding to that river if that meant he could finally come back to her.

“Who? Felix?” Minho asked, stressed as fuck. He has never seen her cry like this in the two years he has known her and simply did not know what he should do. He had texted Felix earlier and didn’t get a response, so now he was kind of freaking out, not the one to be big on comforting people.

“H-Hyunjin.” She choked out, words sounding foreign on her lips as she has not spoken his name out loud since her freshman year of college almost four years ago. Her heart tightened in her chest, letting out another loud sob, “Hyunjin. I-I miss him. I miss him so much.”

Minho didn’t even bother to ask who Hyunjin was, knowing it would just make things worse. Instead, he pulled out his phone, sending Felix another frantic text to GET HIS ASS OVER HERE ASAP.

“I miss him. I miss him s-so much.” The sobs were not stopping, and Y/N kept repeating the same words over and over again like she was in some trance. Minho couldn’t take it anymore, pulling her into his body, arms wrapping around her gently and protectively.

“Shh, it’s okay,” He whispered in her ear, one of his hands coming up to rub at her head soothingly, “It’s okay, Y/N. You’re okay.”

Y/N’s arms wrapped around his waist, holding him tighter. Her sobs were now being muffled in his dress shirt, tears flowing out and most likely ruining his shirt with her makeup, but he let her hold him, and he held her.

“Fuck, I didn’t see your texts until like two minutes ago,” A voice yelled over the music, and Minho looked to his side to see that Felix had finally shown up, panting slightly from sprinting over here, “What happened?”

“She’s calling out for Hyunjin,” Minho replied, voice getting intentionally quieter when saying his name, “I didn’t know what to do. She seems pretty fucking upset, and she’s wasted, too. I think she needs to go home.”

“Fuck,” Felix sighed, walking closer to Y/N, hand touching her shoulder, “Y/N, hey. It’s me.”

She lifted her head up, “Lix?”

“Yeah, it’s me. Can you grab onto me? I’m going to take you home so you can lay down and relax, okay? It’s been a long week for you.”

Y/N nodded with a hiccup, leaning out of Minho’s grasp and into Felix. He quickly put her arm around his shoulder, his arm circling around her waist, standing her up from the chair carefully. He looked at Minho, “Thank you for taking care of her. I’ll text when we’re back home.”

“Yeah, no problem. I’ll tell the others she got sick or something and had to go home.”

Felix nodded appreciatively, double checking to make sure he had her purse with him before walking slowly to the exit of the bar. Many stumbles and almost falls later, he had managed to get them both to his car in one piece, opening the passenger side door and carefully easing her into the seat, buckling her up before jogging to get into the drivers seat. Once he got in, he reached behind him to grab the plastic bag he kept in here in case Minho ever rode back with him from a night out, opening it and placing it into her lap.

“Here. If you feel like you might get sick, throw up in this bag.” He stated, not wanting another repeat of someone throwing up on his leather seats. His car had smelled like the seafood Minho devoured for a whole week, and he did not want to go through that torture again.

Y/N nodded, hiccuping again, tears still flowing down her cheeks, but not near as bad as earlier. She had calmed down some just from being in Felix’s presence, but her heart still ached and her head felt heavy. She was broken, and doesn’t think she would ever be fixed.

The ride back home was quiet. It had started to drizzle, and Y/N was watching the rain drops slowly falling on the window, the lights from the streets reflecting a glow on them. She watched them fall, drip down and down until the next one took its place, wondering if it was raining wherever he was. Was he watching the rain, too? Did he feel just as empty as she did?

Did he think of her when the stars were out?

The rain had started coming down harder now, just as they had pulled into the apartment complex. Felix turned the car off once he parked, a slightly awkward tension in the air, and Y/N sniffled, eyes still drawn to the rain.

“I miss him.” She whispered, voice slightly hoarse.

“I know,” Felix whispered back, glancing down to her hands, noticing they were slightly shaking. He gently placed a hand on top of hers and she let out a shaky breath.

Felix knew it all. He couldn’t understood the pain she felt, but he understood why she was in so much pain. Very rarely did she get like this in front of him. She has only had an episode like this three times about him the years Felix has known her, the first time being the worst.

They had met in Psychology their first year at university. Felix had complained about how their professor sounded like an absolute tool, and Y/N had agreed. It went from talking shit about their professor, to bonding over Mexican food, to watching movies in each other’s dorm. It was a quick-forming friendship—it was something they both needed without realizing.

Then, the party came along.

Felix’s frat had thrown a party like they did pretty much every weekend, and he had finally convinced Y/N to come. She showed up, he introduced her to his frat brothers, they danced, they drank, and next thing they know, they are stumbling into an empty bedroom, falling down on the bed and taking each other’s clothes off.

It all happened so fast. Felix was throwing his shirt over his head, Y/N was straddling him, and then she was riding him. It felt good, and it was what she thought she needed. But before they could both finish, Y/N was crying. And Felix was no longer interested in chasing his release.

He pulled her off of him and she had started sobbing harder. He remembers seeing how broken she looked, how defeated she looked. It was just too soon for her, and he wasn’t Hyunjin. He just wasn’t her Hyunjin.

Felix had held her and she had told him everything. Hyunjin and her growing up together, going through every phase of their lives together, him taking her virginity the night of their high school graduation, and then leaving her without a trace not even a day after.

He could not understand her pain, but he understood why she carried it with her. That’s why tonight, he said nothing more.

“I always thought it would get easier over the years. I thought I would get over it, get over him, but I can’t,” She whispered, once he had helped clean her up in the shower and got her ready for bed. She had sobered up a bit from all the crying and the water Felix had made her drink, eyes focusing on the window in her bedroom. It was still raining. “Everything reminds me of him. I just miss him so much. I want to hate him, but I can’t. I really can’t.”

And Felix let her talk and cry until she finally passed out, pulling her closer to him with her back against his front. It was beginning to thunder now, and the lightening lit up the room.

Y/N was not fine. She doesn’t think she’d ever be.

——>

The next morning came quickly.

Y/N had woken up to a screeching meow by her ear and something soft tickling her cheek. She opened her eyes groggily, barely being able to see what was currently rubbing against her face due to her eyes being so swollen and dry from all the crying she did. She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hands, vision getting clearer, finally spotting the culprit.

It was a cat. But not just any cat, it was Soonie. And his owner was standing at the door, smiling creepily down at Y/N, letting out a, “Finally you’re awake! I brought your favorite kitty over to give you some cuddles!”

Y/N blinked. She looked at Soonie who was now purring and rubbing against her hand in attempts of letting her know he wanted her to pet him, and then she looked at Minho, still creepily smiling by the door.

“What… What the fuck?” She croaked out, cringing when her voice came out raspy, sounding like she had smoked ten packs a day.

“I told you not to wake her up yet,” Felix grumbled, walking into her bedroom and shoving past Minho. He set a glass of water down on the bedside table and an Ibuprofen, sitting down on the bed beside her. “Morning, sleepyhead. Minho brought us some bagels. And, strangely enough, his cat.”

“She loves him. And he missed her.” Minho retorted, walking over to pat Soonie on the head. Y/N couldn’t argue with that statement, smiling softly at the fact that Minho was being so nice this morning. However, the smile quickly turned into a frown when she realized the reasoning, a heavy feeling of embarrassment and dread overcoming her.

“I’m… I’m sorry you had to see me like that last night,” She quietly spoke, hand scratching underneath Soonie’s chin as she avoided eye contact. “I don’t know what got into me. I think it’s because I’ve just been working so much lately and I haven’t been getting any sleep, really. I’m just… it was really embarrassing. And I’m sorry if I made you feel awkward or uncomfortable. Both of you.”

Felix and Minho shared a look and Feix grabbed the glass of water and Ibuprofen, handing it out to her. “Here, go ahead and take this.”

Y/N took the pill first, placing it in her mouth before slowly bringing the water to her lips. She took a few gulps, wincing slightly when handing the glass back to him. Her head was fucking pounding.

“Don’t apologize, Y/N. You didn’t make either of us uncomfortable. We’re your friends and we’re always going to take care of you.” Felix softly spoke, and Y/N smiled gently. Neither of them didn’t ask any questions or press the situation further, and she really appreciated that.

“Want me to bring you a bagel?” Minho asked as Soonie curled up into her side.

Y/N nodded, “Yeah, please. I honestly don’t think I can move to come downstairs right now.”

“Everything bagel with low-fat cream cheese coming right up!”

——>

Y/N was tired.

She woke up to her alarm going off at 1600, groaning in annoyance at the god-forsaken radar sound on her iPhone that never failed to put her in a terrible mood. She had worked the night before and got home from the hospital around 0815, showering and eating some of the pancakes Felix had made her before he had went to work that morning. He had left them in the fridge with a note giving precise instructions on how to heat them up so they could maintain that slight crisp on the edges, and she followed them to a tee, slicing up a banana to throw on top of them as well. They were delicious and put her in a much better mood, as the shift she had quite literally made her second guess her life decisions.

After eating her breakfast, she slowly walked up the stairs and into her bedroom, feeling so exhausted that she didn’t even feel like showering. But she made herself, not knowing what kinds of fluids and germs she had lingering on her scrubs, stripping them off and throwing them into the washing machine as she waited for the hot water to start steaming up the bathroom. The smell of eucalyptus flooded her senses once she stepped into the shower, immediately helping her relax. Minho had bought her some to hang over her shower head because he saw everyone using it on Tiktok and thought that she could benefit from it somehow. It smelled nice and it made her bathroom look a little more minimalistic in some way, so she kept it. And she hasn’t taken it down since.

She finally fell asleep around 1000, sound machine on and blackout curtains closed. It was honestly one of the best sleeps she has gotten in awhile, which was why she was more pissed than usual when her alarm went off, pressing the snooze button before falling back asleep. However, that only lasted a few minutes before her phone started ringing, and she groaned again before picking it up.

“Hello?” She croaked out.

“Good, you’re awake,” Felix’s voice flooded through the phone, “You told me to call you at precisely four-thirty, so here I am. Sleep well?”

“Slept great, actually. I want to suffocate myself in these pillows.”

“Please don’t do that,” He laughed, and Y/N could hear a car door closing on the other side of the phone. “I’m leaving work and heading to our place. Minho said he’s picking us up around seven to take us to that club.”

And fuck, Y/N had almost forgotten about that. Minho had asked them last weekend if they would be interested in going with him to this nightclub to hang out and meet his—as Felix calls them—celebrity friend and his band mates before the festival. Apparently they have been back in LA for a few days now and decided to rent out the entire club the night before the festival. Minho was so hyped about it and seemed like he really wanted Y/N and Felix to meet his friend, so they both agreed. And now Y/N was dreading it a little.

“Y/N? You didn’t fall back asleep, did you?”

“No, I’m here,” She replied, sighing into the complete darkness in her bedroom. She really wanted to go back to sleep but she knew if she slept any longer she wouldn’t be able to go to sleep later tonight, and then her sleep schedule would be more fucked up than it already is. Perks of working on night shift.

“You know we don’t have to go tonight, right?” He asked, the clicking of his turning signal going off in the background. “If you want to stay home, I’m sure Minho would understand. Don’t feel obligated.”

“No, it’s fine. I think it would be fun to meet some new people. Just don’t let me drink a lot this time.” She let out a laugh.

“You sure?”

Y/N rolled her eyes, “Yes, Lix. I’m sure. It’ll be fun.”

“Whatever you say,” He replied and Y/N let out a huff at his response, “You don’t have to worry about me so much, you know?”

“I know. You just haven’t gotten that bad in awhile. It’s natural for me to worry, you know? I just wanna look after you.”

“And I appreciate it, I really do. But I promise I’ll be fine. I think it’ll be fun to meet Minho’s celebrity friend and his celebrity friends. A bunch of celebrities!”

Felix chuckled at her comment, letting out a, “Right. I’ll be home in ten.”

The line ended, and Y/N let out a long sigh. The idea of who exactly Minho’s friend was came into her mind, and she brought her phone out to google the name of the band he was in, staring at the search bar as she tried to remember what they were called. Stay, something? Slay?

Oh well, she thought to herself upon realizing that she couldn’t remember what the band was called, locking her phone and tossing it to the side of her bed. She would find out in a few hours, anyway.

After about thirty more minutes of self-loathing, Y/N finally managed to get out of bed, dragging herself into her bathroom to pee and brush her teeth. She cringed when catching a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror, hair sticking up in all sorts of directions. Some parts were still wet from her being too exhausted to dry it before she went to sleep and she groaned at the thought of having to blow dry it. It simply took way too long and her hair was naturally thick and curly, resembling a giant poof ball if any and all forms of heated air came near it. The Dyson Minho bought her helped some, but she still had to go over it afterwards with a curling iron or a straightener. Minho was constantly buying her and Felix stuff they didn’t necessarily need, but she appreciated him nonetheless.

After brushing her teeth, using the bathroom, and going through her entire skin care routine, she went to her closet to attempt to find an outfit that could fit the vibe tonight. Her closet mainly consisted of neutral colors, so really she just needed to decide if she wanted to wear pants or a dress. She bit the inside of her cheek, eyes scanning her clothes rack intensely. She caught sight of the many cocktail dresses she had towards the back, deciding to just wear the black one that already had a built in bra in it so she could go braless. It was simple, short, and sexy with a v-neck, and it showed off her curves nicely. She’d only worn it a few times (all times being at one of Minho’s business parties) and she remembered all the complements she had received each time. She decided that she deserved to feel sexy for one night, and if somebody wanted to take her home tonight, so be it. It was time for her to move on. Or to attempt to, at least.

The sound of the front door opening caught her attention as she took the dress out of her closet to hang up on the door handle, bending down to grab a pair of her black stilettos. As she was standing back up, her bedroom door opened, and the smell of chocolate chip cookies flooded her senses.

“That smells heavenly,” She moaned out once she turned around to see that Felix had—what appeared to be—a fresh batch of cookies in a little bag. She knew it was from his bakery as she caught sight of the little yellow duck logo with the Bbokkari’s Bakery underneath.

Felix let out a chuckle, “I just made a couple before I left work. I figured you could use a little pick me up from your terrible shifts you had this week.”

“You are simply the best,” She smiled in response, walking over to give him a quick kiss on the cheek, grabbing the bag from his hands and eagerly taking a bite out of one of the six cookies, “These get better every-time I try them, seriously. And my shifts weren’t terrible, they can just be really draining. It’s been getting a lot lately.”

Felix smiled at her comment, eyes softening slightly, “Want to talk about it?”

“Not really. Just really need to have some self care days for myself. This festival and all should be pretty refreshing for me.”

Felix hummed in response, eyes shifting over to the pair of heels on the floor and the dress hanging up. “Is that what you’re wearing tonight?”

Y/N nodded, mouth full of cookie as she hurriedly swallowed, “Yeah, does it look okay? You think I need to dress down some? I didn’t know what the vibe was gonna be, but we’re going to be in a room with celebrities so I wanted to, you know, look nice and not let them think Minho’s friends are slobs when he always looks like a freaking YSL model.”

Felix laughed, stepping more into the room to steal a cookie from the bag. The smell was getting too tempting. “No, I think that’s good. I was literally going to wear the same suit I wore to Minho’s business parties.”

“Yep, that’s where this dress is from.”

“I knew I recognized it from somewhere.”

They both broke out in a fit of giggles, happily munching on their cookies, and Y/N snorted out a, “We’re just some broke bitches, aren’t we?” which made them laugh even harder. Felix suddenly started coughing, patting his chest repeatedly, and Y/N mumbled out a, “oh shit!” before walking behind him to give his back a few heavy slaps. He finally calmed down, tears springing his eyes from the laughing and almost choking and Y/N let out another laugh.

“Yeah, let me leave before you actually make me suck down a piece of chocolate chip cookie and I can’t breathe.”

“Good idea.”

Almost two hours later, Y/N was stood facing her bathroom mirror, hair straightened and put into a slick back ponytail, makeup on. She looked okay, she supposed, hands trailing down from her waist and landing on her hips. The dress was tight, hugging her in all the right places, and she turned to the side to check out her ass, hands trailing over it briefly.

“Damn,” A voice startled her, and she jumped slightly before turning her head to see that Minho had walked into the room. “Checking yourself out, are you? I don’t blame you. You look hot, Y/N.”

Y/N scoffed with a grin, “You’ve seen me in this exact dress about three times before.”

“And it gets better each time.” He smirked in response, making Y/N laugh as she turned her bathroom light off and shoved past him to head back into her bedroom. She bent down slightly to grab the pair of heels before sitting down on her bed, putting them on.

“I know I say this every time you’re in a dress, but as your friend, I just have to. You look so hot. And your ass is so—“

“Are you harassing her again?” Felix spoke, leaning against the bedroom door with his arms crossed.

“Me? Never!” Minho gasped, giving Felix a look as he glanced over him from head to toe, “You look hot too, I guess.”

Felix rolled his eyes, and Y/N giggled, standing up once she had both heels on her feet. She walked to her closet to pull out her Gucci purse she had bought as a treat for herself recently, sliding it on her right arm before turning to face Felix and Minho. They were both starring at her, and Y/N glanced at both of them a couples times before letting out a, “What?”

“You’re just so hot. Honestly. Have you ever considered maybe—“

“Would you shut up? Geez, you need to get laid tonight or something.” Felix interrupted Minho again, and Minho scoffed in reply, “Well, if you haven’t noticed, I’m trying to. Just kidding, Y/N. You know I respect you and our friendship. Unless…?”

Y/N giggled again, shaking her head back and forth in disbelief before walking over to Minho, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek, “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

Minho smirked, and Y/N then did the same to Felix, making sure to pinch his cheek afterwards for good measures. He hates that.

“Are we all ready to go, then?” Minho asked, straightening up his suit in Y/N’s floor length mirror briefly. They let out a choruses of yes’s, and then headed out towards Minho’s car.

“I can drive us home tonight. I’m not planning on drinking much at all.” Y/N spoke once she sat in the passenger side and buckled herself in. Felix was in the back, per usual, following suit.

“If that’s what you want, sure. I was planning on calling one of my assistants to come drive us back, though.”

“It’s fine. I don’t need to drink a lot. We all know how that turned out last time.” Y/N replied with a small laugh. She saw Minho glance at her from the corner of her eye.

“Are you… do you want to talk about it?” Minho asked in a soft voice, and Y/N immediately regretted the comment she made.

“No,” She softly replied, glancing out the window. She saw Felix in the side-mirror, eyes sharp as he glared at the back of Minho’s head. She let out a sigh, “I appreciate it, but no. It’s just a lot and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I just don’t want to drink much. That makes it worse for me.”

“I didn’t mean to bring it up, sorry. I just wanted to check in. I’m here if you need me. We both are.” He replied, glancing at Felix who was still glaring at him from the back seat. Y/N let out a hum of appreciation, leaning over to give his thigh a little squeeze to let him know she hears him.

Of course, Y/N knew that, and she appreciated it, but Minho doesn’t know. And she simply does not feel like talking about it. It’s not that she doesn’t trust him or feels uncomfortable with him, it’s just a lot for her to pour out every detail of her pathetic heartbreak to someone again.

It’s been years. Yet, she still can’t get over it. And it’s embarrassing, to say the least.

She hates it, and she hates herself for it.

Thirty minutes of throwback R&B songs later, they pulled up to the club, and Y/N thinks she has never seen a club so fancy before. Minho pulled around, cutting down the music slightly as a worker came up to his window. He rolled it down to converse with the guy as Y/N scrolled on her phone, not paying much attention. The car started moving again once Minho let out a, “Thanks man!” and he rolled the window back up.

“He knows my father. He was just checking to make sure we weren’t some obsessed fans or some shit. Told me to pull around towards the back and they’re going to park the car for us.” Minho said, pulling up towards the Valet parking seconds after. “Just a heads up, have your ID’s ready and be prepared to get pat down and have every single pocket checked. We will also have to sign a form before we go in.”

“What is this, an airport?” Felix scoffed out, unbuckling his seat belt and adjusting his button up.

Minho rolled his eyes, “It’s a celebrity party and we aren’t celebrities. It’s expected.”

“You’re more of one than we are.” Y/N mumbled, digging through her purse to pull out her ID. She was starting to get pretty nervous, and Minho could tell, leaning over towards her. “Hey, it’s fine. They’re just people, alright? I’m really excited for you guys to meet Chan. He’s awesome.”

Y/N smiled back just as someone in a ridiculously expensive suit tapped on the car window. She jumped slightly at the sound, and Minho smirked, flicking his head towards the entrance behind them, “Let’s go!”

Getting into the club was stressful. Y/N was stumbling over her feet, hands shaking slightly as she spoke with the security guards, holding in her breath as she quite literally got felt up by another security guard even though she had zero pockets on her dress. She let out a sigh of relief when they finally all got cleared, hands tightly wrapping around Felix’s arm once they got inside.

“Does this happen every time non-celebrities come to these things?” Y/N asked, feet trying to keep up with Felix’s as his tried to keep up with a very eager Minho who was basically sprinting down the hallway.

“Yep. When I’m with my father it isn’t as bad, though. I’ve only been to a couple of celebrity outings by myself.” He replied, rounding a corner to what Y/N assumed was the bar area.

It went from walking through an empty hallway, to entering a room with what seemed like a hundred people. There was music playing fairly loud, a playlist of some R&B, and the place smelled heavily of weed. Y/N scrunched her nose, glancing towards Felix who was looking around the place in awe, then at Minho who was currently talking with the bartender. When did he even walk up there?

Minutes later he came back up to them with two drinks in his hands, handing one to Felix. “Here. I got you a drink. It’s tequila sour.”

Felix scrunched his nose, “Tequila already? You know this shit makes me feral.”

“Exactly. Y/N’s our DD tonight, anyway. Drink up, blondie.”

Felix rolled his eyes, grabbing the drink anyway and taking a sip. His eyes widened, letting out a, “Shit, Y/N, you gotta take a sip. This is some high brand tequila.”

“I think I might throw up if I taste any kind of tequila right now.” Y/N replied, and Minho chuckled, taking a gulp of his beer. Y/N glanced around her again, seeing that multiple people were on the dance floor grinding on each other, others were in corners smoking weed or socializing with alcohol in their hands, and then there were people like her and Felix who were just standing around looking so out of place. Everyone here looked expensive and at home, while they most definitely did not. Y/N could feel the nerves coming back in, and she gripped Felix’s arm even tighter, but he didn’t notice, eyes glancing around the place in awe with the straw from his drink hanging out of his mouth.

“I just texted Chan and told him we were by the bar. He should be here soon,” Minho spoke with a wide grin, a happy sigh leaving his mouth as he looked around the place, “I am so ready to get shit-faced. You guys want some pot? Chan can get us some.”

“No thanks.”

“Hell yeah.”

Y/N and Felix looked at each other once answering at the same time, Felix’s eyes wide and glistening from the mention of free weed. “You guys really are two peas in a pod, aren’t you? Answering at the same time and shit,” Minho chuckled, and Y/N sighed. “Lix, I can get us some. Y/N, what about an edible? I know you only said no because you hate smoking shit.”

Felix’s eyes widened even more in excitement, letting out a, “Yes! Get her some. She needs it so she can relax for once.”

“I am relaxed!”

“You’re most definitely not. You’re cutting off my circulation with your freakishly insane grip you have on my arm. It doesn’t have to be a lot, just a tiny bit to loosen up some.” Felix replied, eyes softening slightly when seeing the slightly annoyed look on her face, “Or you don’t have to! I can get you a coke from the bar and you can happily sip on that. I bet they have coke zero.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, and before she could reply, she heard Minho’s name being yelled, looking up in surprise to see a guy dressed in all black walking towards them with his arms spread outwards. Minho let out a loud laugh, meeting the guy halfway and embracing him in a hug. Y/N and Felix shared a look, and Y/N whispered out a, “Is that famous bestie Chan?”

“I think so,” Felix whispered back, taking another sip of his drink, and Y/N took the time to observe the guy while they had their little moment.

He wasn’t super tall, but was built nicely. He had one small hoop earring in his right ear and another on his nose. His arms were covered in a variety of tattoos, a silver chain hanging around his neck. The shirt he had on was tight, and Y/N could tell that he definitely worked out.

“Let me introduce you to my friends!” Minho suddenly yelled out, leading them over towards where Felix and Y/N stood. They immediately stood up straight, and Felix cleared his throat briefly when noticing they were heading towards them rather quickly.

“Chan, this is Felix and Y/N. They’re my friends from uni,” Minho introduced them with a wide grin on his face, “And this is Chan, my buddy from home.”

Felix was the first to speak, wasting no time in extending his free hand out towards Chan, which he took quickly, “It’s so nice to meet you! Minho here has told us a lot about you.” He grinned, and Y/N stifled a laugh, knowing that the only time Minho had even mentioned he had a celebrity friend was last week. He’s a private person.

“Yeah, man, it’s nice to meet you, too! Any friend of Minho’s is always a friend of mine.” Chan smiled, and Y/N found herself doing the same. His smile was just contagious.

“And it’s nice to meet you, as well,” He adverted his attention over to Y/N, and she blushed slightly when he planted a small kiss on the back of her hand. “Thank you guys for coming. I hope you’re excited for the festival tomorrow. Hopefully we don’t disappoint.”

“You could never! We’re stoked to get to go!” Felix replied way too enthusiastically, and Y/N had to refrain from rolling her eyes, “We’ve actually never been to a metal-type festival, so we’re pretty excited to see you guys perform. I know Minho definitely is.”

Minho rolled his eyes teasingly while Chan laughed, “Yeah, it isn’t for everyone, but I hope you genuinely enjoy it.”

Y/N, realizing she hasn’t spoken a word since Chan arrived, opened her mouth to give some input to the conversation, when another guy interrupted her by stumbling into their little circle, arm settling over Chan’s back. “There you are! I’ve got some people looking for you. Wanna know if you want to do some body shots.” He loudly spoke, taking a long sip out of his glass in his hand.

“Perfect timing, I was trying to find you earlier so I could introduce you to Minho and his friends,” Chan replied, patting the guy’s chest briefly to catch his attention. The guy’s eyes widened slightly, letting out a, “Oh, shit, sorry! I’m Changbin. The sexiest from the group.”

“As if,” Chan scoffed out, shoving him to the side lightly, “More like the loudest.”

“Think you’re forgetting about Jisung over there.” Changbin pointed out, nodding his head over towards, supposedly, Jisung who was currently doing a body shot on some girl in a lingerie set, yelling extremely loud once he finished, voice being heard very clearly over the booming of the music and the many cheers.

Chan winced slightly, “Don’t remind me.”

Minho laughed before conversing with Changbin, who she noticed was also wearing all black, letting out a, “I guess I picked the right color to wear tonight.”

Chan quickly look Y/N over from head to toe, letting out a smirk, “You did. You all did. Black just matches everything, you know? You look great, too.”

Y/N smiled, letting out a small thank you, and Chan smiled back warmly in response before walking over to drape his arm over the back of Minho, “So you’ve met Changbin and got an unforesaken glimpse of Jisung, so now I just have to find the other one. He’s probably on the dance floor somewhere. Let me buy you guys a round of drinks and introduce you to some others.”

Felix’s eyes lightened up at the mention of free drinks, quickly chugging down his and letting out a loud sigh once he finished. “Damn, slow down.” Y/N laughed out.

“Can’t. Famous bestie Chan is buying a round of drinks, and I don’t want him to think I’m a slow drinker and can’t keep up.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, “Literally nobody is thinking that.”

Felix chose to ignore her, tugging her arm slightly to lead them towards the bar, seeing that they were already up there ordering. “Should we do a round of shots or do you guys prefer a drink? I’d be happy to do both. Changbin also has some pot brownies in the back if you’re interested in that, too.”

“This might be the best night of my life,” Felix whispered, and Y/N elbowed him in the ribs, making him let out a wince. “Do you like pot brownies, or something?” Changbin laughed out, gulping down the rest of his drink. The tattoos on his bicep caught Y/N’s attention, the mix of swirls and figures she couldn’t exactly make out. He did not have as many as Chan did, and Y/N wonders if they all have some sort of tattoos on their skin.

“Love them. Can’t ever find any good ones,” Felix replied, setting his glass down on the table, “Also, I’m down for anything. We can drink whatever.”

Chan and Minho must have decided on shots, as a couple seconds later, they turned around with five in their hands, a menacing smirk gracing Minho’s lips as he swayed over towards Y/N and Felix. “Here, hoes. It’s your favorite.”

“Min, you know I didn’t want to drink tonight.” Y/N whined out, obviously devastated at the fact that Minho had brought her a lemon drop shot. Seriously, he knew she was a sucker for those. And the grin on his face was not helping one bit.

“Exactly, it’s your favoriteee,” He sang out, waving the shot underneath her nostrils. It was even coated with a nice sugar rim, and was that a mini lemon slice on the edge of the glass? She’s sold.

“Ugh, you’re the worst,” She groaned out, jerking the shot out of his hand with an exaggerated eye roll, and Chan immediately began laughing.

“Damn, Minho. You’re still just as bad of an influence as you were in middle school, aren’t you?”

“Yes, he is!” Y/N spoke up before Minho could, Felix letting out a noise of agreement, knowing he couldn’t protest. “He is the worst! The absolute worst! But he does take good care of us, I guess.” She shrugged, and Chan chuckled in reply.

“Good. Otherwise, I’d have to beat his ass.”

“Like you ever could. Remember who always won in our fights? You could never take me.”

Minho and Chan then began to argue, Y/N and Felix watching in amusement, when Changbin suddenly interrupted them with a, “Yah! Could you two stop bickering for a second so we can take these shots? I’m trying to get shit-faced tonight.”

Chan rolled his eyes, wrapping an arm around Changbin and bringing him into the circle Y/N realized they had unintentionally formed. “Alright, fuckers. Cheers to new friends, music, and hot girls in lingerie sets waiting for us to do body shots on!” He shouted out, tapping his glass with everyone’s. They all downed it in one gulp, Felix letting out a, “Hell yeah!” as he slammed his glass down on the table.

Y/N gave him a look, “You almost broke the damn glass.”

“Sorry. I got too excited.” He sheepishly grinned.

A couple of people starting yelling Chan and Changbin’s name, making Y/N look up to see a group of guys waving them over. They were dressed to the nines, glasses in their hands as they drunkingly wobbled back and forth. She let out a small gasp when one of them toppled over onto the floor, and Chan sighed, running his hand through his styled hair.

“Those idiots,” He mumbled, “They’re Jisung’s friends. And they think we’re best friends or some shit. All they do is give me high blood pressure whenever they come to these things.”

“Yeah, they’re pretty annoying. But so is Jisung, so that explains it,” Changbin spoke, grabbing a beer from the bartender and turning around to face Chan, “I’ll go talk to them. You can take your friends and introduce them to some people or give them a tour or whatever. I’ll catch up in a bit.”

He then turned to face Y/N, Minho, and Felix, giving them a wide grin and giving them each a small hug, which they all didn’t hesitate to reciprocate. He smelled like mint and wood, Y/N noticed—a weird combination that somehow seemed fitting. “Nice to meet you guys. I’m sure I’ll see you around a good bit. Let me know if you ever need anything! A friend of Chan’s is always a friend of mine.”

“Will do, thanks man.” Minho grinned in return. Y/N watched him walk off, giggling slightly when she saw him roll his eyes whenever the guys grabbed his shoulders. She felt Felix lean into her slightly, and she gripped his arm in return, eyes glancing around the crowd.

The song had changed, The Weeknd now blaring through the speakers. Y/N swayed slightly, a small grin gracing her lips as she saw a large group of people dancing. “Anybody want to dance?” She asked, tugging Felix’s arm.

“Let’s do it.”

Y/N grabbed Minho and Feix’s hands, Chan following closely behind them with a laugh, leading them all into the middle of what appeared to be the dance floor for the night. She giggled, hips immediately moving to the beat of the music, standing in-between Minho and Felix, grins on their faces.

This is exactly what she needed: her, and her best friends in the middle of a club dancing with Minho’s celebrity friend. This is exactly what she needed—it was all she needed. It was all she needed to begin to move on.

Minho then decided to break out the stanky leg, the laugh Y/N was about to let out dying in her throat as she turned around.

Time seemed to stop. The music that was blaring turned into a loud ring in her ears, white noise taking over her head. Her heart felt like it just beat right out of her chest, all the breath in her lungs getting caught in her body. White, white, white—all she was seeing was white in the midst of the bodies gracing the dance floor as she felt her body melt to the ground as nothing—for that is all she was in his presence.

“Hyunjin!” Chan had shouted, catching his attention as he eagerly waved him over, calling him over towards them, confirming what she knew was already true.

She felt someone lightly shaking her, a muffled sound in her ears. She had watched as he turned around at the voice, wide grin on his face, a glimmer in his eyes. She had watched as his eyes immediately met hers, the grin fading as quickly as it came, a look of remorse painting itself on his face. There was a girl on his arm, one of the girls in a lingerie set, bright red lips kissing his neck, hands trailing down his torso.

She felt nauseous. Her head was spinning, and she could feel her heart dying all over again.

It wasn’t until she felt herself stumbling backwards into a body that she regained consciousness—music and frantic words filling her ears as her face was shoved into a chest, a hand holding the back of her neck protectively. She took some deep breaths, gripping the sides of Felix’s shirt before looking up at him.

That’s him, her eyes spoke, and he knew immediately.

“Wait, did he say Hyunjin?” Minho asked, and Y/N’s vision went from white to red.

“I need some air.” She let out, roughly getting out of Felix’s grasp as she stumbled through the crowd of people. It felt like she was underwater, not being able to breathe until she swam to the surface, gasping loudly once she made it out of the back doors.

She gripped her chest, chest heaving with exertion, wheezes coming out in strangled breaths. She slowly slid down against the brick wall, eyes watering. She could feel her throat closing up, hands and legs shaking, gasping loudly in attempt to compensate for the shortness of breath she was experiencing, mind clouded with Hyunjin.

Hyunjin, Hyunjin, Hyunjin.

“Fuck, she’s having a panic attack!” A voice yelled, as multiple pairs of loafers came into view. She heard Felix talking to her, could smell Minho’s cologne. Yet, she couldn’t focus on anything for more than three seconds at a time, the gasps coming out more forcefully now as her whole body began to shake.

“Get the fuck away from her!”

Another voice, a voice all too familiar was heard, coming through one ear and right out the other. A pair of black boots came into view, a body crouching down, pulling her into a hug. The smell of musk and soap and a hint of floral invaded her senses, a smell she remembered all too well—a sense of comfort. She immediately relaxed.

The gasps got shorter, quieter, until you could no longer hear them at all. Her body stilled, hushed whispers filling her mind, and she went limp, mind clouding with plush lips and warmth.

Hyunjin, Hyunjin, Hyunjin.

She looked up. He was already starring at her.

And god—he was beautiful. He was still beautiful, just as she knew he would be.

She took a good look at him, eyes trailing from his eyebrow piercing, to his long black hair perfectly tucked behind his ears, to his lip ring that sat so elegantly against his bottom lip, the silver blending with the red plush of his lips. He had tattoos over his neck, shapes and swirls captivating her as she followed them with her eyes, moving downward to see that he had even more on his arms. She couldn’t see his chest, but she had a feeling there was even more underneath his black tee, and her breath hitched once she caught his eyes again, his dark eyes that never once looked away from hers.

Hyunjin, Hyunjin, Hyunjin.

He was here. But why did it still feel like he wasn’t?

Before she could process everything, she lifted her right hand up without thinking, hand coming in contact right with his cheek. Her hand stung, his face moving to the side from the slight force, a light area of redness forming onto his skin. Gasps were heard behind him, but Y/N wasn’t paying attention at who was even surrounding them, eyes focused on him.

He stayed like that for a moment, face turned to the side, hair falling in front of his face, before scoffing loudly, turning back around to face her. A smirk graced his lips, and Y/N felt herself wanting to slap him again.

So she did.

“Hey! You can’t keep hitting him! He’s the face of this band, you know?!” A voice yelled out, and before Felix or Minho could yell anything back, he interrupted them.

“S’fine. I deserved that.”

His voice was deeper, a slight rasp to it, but still had the same softness that she was used to. He still had the same smirk on his lips, which pissed Y/N off even more, and she reached her hand up to strike him again out of spite when he had caught her, hands gently grasping her wrist.

“Come on now, sweetheart. Don’t you think two was enough?”

His voice was mocking, the smirk on his lips widening, eyes brows raising. He rubbed her wrist with his fingers, slowly bringing her hand down to rest it on his chest. She could feel his heart beat pounding against her hand, and she almost cried at the fact that he was real and he was touching her.

“I think you should leave her alone. She really doesn’t look like she wants anything to do with you, all offense. You really have no right to be touching her after you just gave her a fucking panic attack—“

“She gets those, sometimes. She gets anxious and overwhelmed, and sometimes it causes her to have one,” He interrupted Felix’s voice, hand curling around hers as he intertwined their hands, eyes refusing to leave hers. “I know what to do when she gets them. Don’t tell me to do shit, man.” He spat out, voice getting louder in slight irritation, and Y/N took this opportunity to snatch her hand out of his grasp, holding it with her other hand and cuddling it up to her chest.

Hyunjin’s eyes softened slightly, and he opened his mouth to say something, but Y/N interrupted him with a soft, “Hyunjin?”

She knew it was him, and she knew he was real, but she needed him to hear her say his name. She needed him to respond.

“Hey, Pedal,” He whispered in reply, and her eyes filled with tears.

She refused to cry in front of him though, shoving him to the side as she quickly stood up, wobbling slightly, pulling her dress down with a forceful tug before speed-walking away from him. She pushed her way past Minho and Felix, ignoring their frantic voices, ignoring anything and everything around her as she entered the club once again, desperately looking around for the bathroom.

She finally found it, slamming the door shut once she got inside, back against the door as she slumped down once more, tears falling down her cheeks.

She knew her makeup was definitely ruined, but she didn’t even care. She couldn’t bring herself to care.

His smirk was replaying in her mind. He was her Hyunjin, but he wasn’t anymore. And he was here, right in front of her, but he wasn’t. If she would have just remembered the name of the stupid band and looked them up she could have avoided all of this. Of course Hyunjin was in a band. Of course he was the lead singer. Of course he was still just as beautiful as he was years ago, just as he always was.

She sobbed harder, cuddling the hand he had just held to her chest, hoping to find comfort in a piece of him that has been lost for years.

The brightest star in the sky was always accompanied by another. Hyunjin was the brightest, and Y/N simply was the other. That’s all she would ever be.

[voidsaez]

◞ ྀི◟ ͜ ׁ ˙ ◞ ྀི◟ ͜ ◞ ྀི◟ ͜ ׁ ˙ ◞ ྀི◟ ͜ ◞ ྀི◟ ͜ ׁ ˙ ◞ ྀི◟ ͜ ◞ ྀི ◞

— for eternity. ( gally tmr x reader ) abuse !!

a/n : monthly post coz i never use tumblr lol, anyways i rewatched the first tmr movie n i realized hes lowkey insane

summary : after thomas found a way out, you’ve been clung to his every word. your boyfriend, isn’t happy.

There was nothing more Gally could ever ask for. You, him, and the rest of the Glade living in peace—a perfect harmony.

For months now, everything had been great. The two of you became a rare constant in a world filled with uncertainty.

He’d never felt more secure, more alive, than with you by his side. That was, until Thomas arrived.

In less than a week, the newcomer had somehow found a way out—an escape. You were overjoyed at the prospect of freedom.

Gally? Not so much.

-

“We don’t need to leave!” His voice cracked with urgency as he cupped your face, trembling thumbs pressing into your skin.

“Isn’t this enough? You have me—we can stay here. Forever.” His words came out rushed, his tone laced with desperation.

You shove at his hands, trying to make him pull away. “Are you insane? We’ve finally found a way out! After three years!”

His gaze hardened, his grip tightening. “Don’t you see?” He pleads, his voice frantic and pleading at the same time.

“Out there, it’s worse! You’ll see! This place, the glade—it’s safe. We’re safe here.”

You could see his demeanor changing, his eyes wild. It was love—yes, but it was twisted, fevered, consumed by desperation.

“You think it’s better out there?” He spat out, his voice a harsh whisper. “You think you’ll survive out there? you won’t.”

His grip tightened, to the point you felt like your bones were about to crack. Like it was more a warning than a plea.

“Let go!” You yelled out, shoving at his chest, but he didn’t budge.

He laughed, hard, cold, humorless. “You think they care about you, huh? Thomas? Teresa? They’ll leave you to die once it gets hard.” He says.

“But not me.” He says, his voice softening, almost sounding tender. “I’d never let that happen to you, I’ll protect you.”

“Protect me?” You snarled, “This isn’t protection, Gally, this is madness!”

His jaw clenched, clear displease in his eyes. “Madness? no, no. Madness is trusting them.” He says, with a deranged smile.

“Madness is thinking they’ll get us out of here alive.” He continues on. “You don’t get it, do you?” He asks.

“Thomas. Thomas is the problem—him and Teresa, they’re the reason we’re suffering! If it weren’t for them, we’d be happy.”

What the hell is he trying to say?

He speaks with innuendo, his words starting to sound past insane. “What are you saying?” You ask, stomach twisting.

His smile widened, almost dangerously. “I’m saying,” he said slowly, “we don’t need them. The Grievers, they’re hungry.“

Your blood ran cold. “They’ll take care of Thomas and Teresa. All we have to do is offer them over to the Grievers.” He says.

“You’re not serious,” You whispered, horrified. He was starting to lose it.

“Why?” He asks, stepping closer again. “They’re a threat, baby. To me. To you. To us. I won’t let them take you from me.”

“Gally,” You breathed, your voice trembling. “This isn’t you. You don’t mean this.”

He reached for you again, his hands almost gentle this time, but the madness in his eyes didn’t fade. “I mean every word,” he said.

“I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe. Even if it means sacrificing them. Even if it means..” He trails off, looking at you.

You used to love his smile, the way he rarely ever did made you feel special, like his smile was reserved for only you.

But then, he smiled again, sharp and terrifying. He’s gone. That isn’t him.

“Don’t do this, Gally, don’t make me hate you.” You say, stepping back away.

His expression softened, “You’ll thank me one day.” He says, simply.

The sound was sickening. His fist slamming into you. A sharp crack that echoed in your ears, while your body went limp.

-

You weren’t his partner anymore.

You were his prisoner.

[haizficz]

Drown in your worries.

..........................................................................................

Kate Bishop x female reader

Summary: Kate comes back home from a mission badly injured. But more injured than your feelings?

Warnings: mentions of blood; [anxiety?]

a/n: don't mind me here, just saying that this is my first ever written fanfiction here on tumblr so don't be rude lol. Thanks for reading :)

..........................................................................................

.......................................................................................

Here you are again, sitting on the bed, waiting for your little archer to arrive back home. Afraid if your girlfriend is hurt or if her heart is even still beating.

You are relieved every time the door opens and you get to see your favorite person. Even if she has a few scratches from time to time.

Not seeing her for hours, days or even weeks breaks your heart every single moment. Saying goodbye before she leaves, giving each other a kiss, not knowing if it was the last kiss forever breaks your heart even more.

Right now you are cuddled into Kates blanket staring at the clock. It's almost 10 p.m. and dark outside. You ordered pizza as a little surprise, which you placed into the oven so that it stays warm, and put in your and Kates favorite series.

You are so in love with these kind of nights. Kuddling with your favorite person, eating your favorite food and watching your favorite show. Nothing can go wrong with this, right?

Moments later you finally heared someone knocking on the door. You jumped out of the bed, walked to the front door and opened it with a bright smile on your face that immediately faded.

Kate had lots of cuts and bruises on her face, more sores than the last few times when she came back home.

"Kate?"

She dropped her increasingly heavy bow from her bloody hand and took a step closer to you.

You met her hazel eyes filled with fear and pain. Her lashes still wet from the tears she let out right before you opened the door. Usually her eyes were always full of joy and love when she looked at you. But this time?

When she took another step closer to you, you understood her request and opened your arms where she directly fell into. Your arms which she always called her home, her safeplace, they are now closed around her waist, holding her tight.

Kate placed her head onto your shoulder, hiding her face in your neck and felt your scent in her nose. She felt safe there. Her pain was still here, but your touch felt smoothing on her skin.

She still perceived the urge to cry and as if you were reading her mind you broke the silence and whispered to her "Let it all out, Katie. It's okay."

You know Kate, she always tries to avoid crying in front of you, without any reasons to why. The last time you saw her on her lowest was maybe five months ago and that time she waited until you were asleep so she could cry. But you don't want this to happen again.

After she heard your voice, tears began to form in her already closed eyes. Tears that became waterfalls after minutes.

"I regret it." She mumbled multiple times into the sobs, which is making you more worried. Kate always wanted to be an avenger and a great archer, she's both now and you think maybe she should take a break from this. From all of this. But hearing from her that she regrets it hurts you more than expected. You knew exactly what she meant by "I regret it" so you didn't want to question it.

You let out a deep sigh and tried to calm Kate down. "It's okay, it's okay, I'm here." You said several times until the sobbing got more and more quiet.

Kate pulled herself out of the hug and looked at you. "That was.. intense." She started giggling nervously, which made you smile slightly. "Kate?" You said her name almost as loud as a whisper. "Yeah?" The answer came slowly and Kate looked at you, still with blood and tears in her face.

You literally call her by special pet names you have for her, only in situations like this you call her Kate. So she knew before you speak up that you will tell her something really important.

But before you said what you wanted to say, you noticed Kates hands on her belly. You walked closer to her and took her hands away from her stomach. More blood.

There was a deep cut. You gasped in shock. "Oh my gosh, Babe!" "I- i'm sorry, y/n." She groaned and pressed her hands back on her stomach. This movement caused you to hold her tight so that she can't fall over. You guided her to the bed where you helped her to lie down. "I'm going to get the first aid kit, stay here." You informed her, already walking out of the bedroom. "Well, it would be difficult not to stay here." She murmured, which made you smile broadly. Ugh how you missed her jokes.

...............

It was middle of the night and you couldn't fall asleep. You sighed seeing your girlfriend sleeping next to you. Her hands are still on her belly.

You don't want her to go to the next mission, not like this, not with this hurt body.

After several strong thoughts, you snuggled closer to your Kate. You carefully placed your hand on hers and your head on her shoulder.

It felt so good to be near to the person that owns your heart after you haven't seen her for days.

Kate gently placed a kiss onto your forehead. She wasn't asleep. Of course she wasn't. In her head was a whole rollercoaster of emotions and thoughts.

"Babe?" You broke the silence in your sleepy voice. She was too tired to say anything so she just hummed in response.

"I love you, so much."

If only you knew how much Kate blushed and how her smile grew wider after you said those 5 words to her. The last time was way too long ago. You felt her hand take yours and intertwine your fingers. Your hands were above the cut that you already cleaned and cared for a few hours ago.

"And I love you so much more."

Slowly a tear escaped your eye. It was a happy and a sad tear at the same time. You were happy to hear Kate saying I love you to you again. And it was a sad tear because you were scared of losing her. Your Kate.

Kate heard your quiet sobbing and slightly squeezed your hand. "Talk to me." Your girlfriend whispered. She exactly knew how you feel, she already noticed it in the moment you opened the door. How your smile faded and the thin layer of tears in your eyes that reflected Kate's own picture of herself. She perceived your feelings.

"I can't-" Your voice cracked up because of the pressure in your throat. Kate softly sat up and stared at you. "I'm sorry, y/n." She whispered and took her other hand that she placed on your cheek. Her thumb caught a tear and you took a deep breath. "I can't lose you." Kate looked away, on your intertwined hands and also started tearing up again. "You will never lose me, my y/n, i promise."

You gently put your arms around Kate and now you were the one crying into her neck.

It maybe wasn't the best day of your life. But both of you finally showed your real feelings and emotions to eachother. But your love for Kate and her love for you will always be bigger than your worries.

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tagging my dear friend here @hard-core-super-star

[dora-papp]

I think I get it now, I know why I needed to come back to Tumblr and why like this - in English. The anti-LGBT child protection law made June and July so stressful that no matter how ready I was for the fight, it drained me completely. Turns out if you open your mouth and tell your story, suddenly the media and newspapers are interested, and they are interested ALL at the same time, which left me surviving on a lot of coffee and only a few hours of sleep for a number of days. I know, I know - I should be grateful. I am. But when your story ends up on national TV and you happen to live in a country where no matter how loud you are, you simply cannot change things - it gives you nightmares after a while.

So since then I've had to deal with the fact that my young adult books can get wrapped in plastic in bookstores anytime and be placed on the 18+ shelves. Fine. In the meantime, I finished a manuscript. At the end of July, I had to say goodbye to the idea that it was going to be published. Gut punch. Fine. At this point I was like… you know what? I need a holiday. Let's go to Budapest for a long weekend to celebrate Budapest Pride. So I did just that. Amazing afternoon, shitty night. Another gut punch. Couldn't get any sleep in the hotel, escaped reality in the morning, took the first bus home.

By that time I was so down I completely forgot that Good Omens Season 2 was happening. So I watched it. And believe you me, we GO fans like to say that the ending broke us, but for me S2 - yes, the ending too - fixed me and saved me. I fell in love with David Tennant's creative energies, I watched Doctor Who and a bunch of other stuff, interviews, plays that continued to fix me. I got an idea for a new book. Started writing it in November. And now I'm back on Tumblr, because I needed my safe space and for me that's two things: 1, being an unhinged fangirl without anyone stopping me and 2, expressing myself in English. This language has been my great love since I was 12. After I became a published novelist in Hungary, I ditched online communication in English - I needed to connect with my Hungarian readers. UNTIL NOW.

The child protection law did it for me. I'm not saying I'm fed up with my home country, that'd be a stretch, I'm just… I NEED MORE. I want to reach out and connect again in English. I need to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I need to see a freaking rainbow. I need compassion. I need to feel seen. I need to know that something good is out there, that something better is coming. I need to be around peeps who understand me.

I needed to come back to Tumblr. And I love it here. Thank you, darlings.

[youre-a-total--poser]

Can i request something where young or teen wandanat daughter loves using her powers around home but wanda doesn’t want her too and r tries to get nat to back her up all the time and nay is just like im not apart of this

Don't Use Your Powers (Request)

Warnings: I don't think that there is any but if there is just let me know.

Age: 7

Word Count: 1,248

Requests: Closed

Summary: Read the request and it will explain everything

Requested by: Anonymous on Tumblr

Date: 15/01/2024

paring: Natasha and Wanda

A/N: Thank you for your request I hope that you like it. Wrote this instead of writing an essay for college. Yes, the ending is terrible but we just don't talk about that.

Masterlist

---⧗---

For as long as they could remember since they have been together Natasha and Wanda talked about expanding their family and having a child together

They thought about adoption but what they wanted was to have the whole baby experience including getting pregnant, carrying the baby, giving birth then dealing with it for its whole life until it decides that it wants to move out and look after itself

Since Natasha was unable to have a child they agreed that Wanda would be the one who would carry the baby and after months and months of IVF, she finally became pregnant.

During Wanda's pregnancy, everything went smoothly, and they did many tests to ensure the baby's health. Time went by quickly and before they knew it their little baby was here in the world.

Wanda gave birth to a healthy baby girl and they named her Y/N.

As you grew up there were some concerns about whether you inherited powers from Wanda but the older you got there were no signs of you having any powers that was until you reached the age of 7 when you discovered that you had these new abilities.

Wanda and Natasha were scared that you wouldn't be able to control your powers and it would only get worse but with lots of training from your mom, you picked it up very quickly and learned how to control your abilities.

---⧗---

Your moms didn't like you using your magic at home or in public but that didn't stop you from doing it especially when your parents weren't around to tell you off.

You used your magic to lift two teddy bears in the air and make them dance. You were giggling so loud that Wanda heard you from the kitchen and knew that you were up to something no good.

She walked into the living room and when you saw her you instantly froze. You could tell that she wasn't happy when she had her hands on her hips.

"Hi Mommy," You said not sounding guilty in the slightest.

"What are you doing Y/N you know that you're not allowed to use magic."

"They're just dancing Mommy," You said moving your fingers to make the bears dance again.

"That's not the point Y/N what if someone saw?" she asked grabbing the teddies and dropping them on the floor beside you.

You stood up and waved your hands in front of the curtains and closed them. "There now no one will see." Then you sat back on the floor and picked up on the teddies.

Wanda walked over to the curtains and opened them again and before she could say anything the front door opened.

"I'm home," Natasha shouted.

She walked into the living room and over to Wanda. "Hi babe," she said then kissed Wanda.

"Hi," Wanda replied softly.

Natasha kneeled beside you and placed a kiss on the top of your head.

"Mommy's being mean." You huffed crossing your arms.

"Why is mommy being mean?" Natasha asked kneeling beside you and gently stroking your hair.

"She's not letting me play."

"I never said that Y/N I said that you're not allowed to use your magic" Wanda said

"Same thing" you mumbled.

"You know the rules sweetheart and the rules are to keep you safe," Natasha told you then she stood up and walked into the kitchen and Wanda followed her.

"We need to do something about Y/N," Wanda said watching Natasha walk around the kitchen.

"Why me?" Natasha asked getting out two cups from the cabinet and pouring coffee into both cups "She's your daughter after all"

"I like how she's my daughter when it comes to discipline."

"Well I can't discipline her she knows that I cave in when she does that sad little pout," Natasha said handing Wanda the cup of coffee.

Wanda shook her head and took a sip.

Before Natasha could say anything there was a loud giggle coming from the living room.

"If she's using her magic you're dealing with it. " Wanda said putting down her coffee cup, grabbing ahold of Natasha's hand and dragging her back into the living room.

They found you sitting on the floor with the curtains closed and using your magic to make your toys walk about the room.

"Y/N!" Wanda said quite loudly causing you to jump. "Honestly when will you learn?" She sighed.

"But the curtains are closed," You said pointing at the curtains.

"That's not the point Y/N. When we tell you not to do something you listen and don't do it."

"Can't I just keep playing for a little bit longer then I'll stop?"

"No, you can't." Wanda

You stood up and walked over to Natasha you knew exactly what you needed to do to get her to let you

"Please, mama." You said looking up at her with your big eyes and sad pout.

"No, don't use your please face," Natasha said trying not to look at you.

You got even closer to her, clasped your hands together and brought them up to your cheek. "Just this one time."

"Don't give in to her Nat," Wanda whispered.

"I can't do it." Natasha said then started walking away "I am not a part of this." She called out.

"Every time," Wanda mumbled.

Wanda got down to your level and put her hands on your shoulders. "Y/N I need you to listen to me are you listening?"

You nodded your head" I'm listening."

"Good, now you have to start listening to me and Mama when we tell you that we don't want you using your powers."

"Why?" You asked.

"Because we want to protect you."

"Why?" You asked again.

Wanda let out a frustrated sigh. She knew this asking why game would go on for hours if she let it. "Just say yes Mom."

"Yes, mom." You repeated.

"Good girl now go play with your toys and no using magic," Wanda said ruffling your hair and walking out of the room.

You waited a few seconds before your mom couldn't see you anymore then you used your magic once more to get some more toys out of your toy box and made them walk around but you had no idea that your mom was standing behind you this whole time.

"Y/N!" Wanda shouted.

You let out a loud squeal, jumped up and started running.

"Get back here young lady," Wanda shouted as she started chasing you.

Natasha saw you then Wanda ran past her office. "Run Y/N." She called out.

You ran into your parent's bedroom but you were too slow at closing the door Wanda grabbed you and then started tickling you.

"What did I say about using your magic young lady?" Wanda asked while continuing to tickle you.

You didn't respond because of how much you were giggling.

Wanda walked over to her bed dropped you on it then sat down beside you. "No more using your magic without permission little miss or you will be going to live with Tony."

"No not Tony he's boring." You shouted.

"Right, so are you going to use your magic?" Wanda asked.

"No, Mom, I promise no more magic."

"Good girl." She said then started kissing you all over your face.

After that day you never used magic without permission from your parents but it was a completely different story when they weren't around but let's not tell them that. What they don't know can't hurt them.

Go Here to be added to the new taglist

[articdelilah]

Hello there (●’◡’●)ﾉ may I request a teen(?)! Belle headcanons. The ikemen princes see her as a little sister figure. Maybe she's 14 to 17. It'll be funny to see her act bratty and chaotic to them once she gets comfortable but she does know when to get serious. Loves fun, food, and maybe she finds smth she wants to do while being there. Maybe she wants to be like one of the princes and handle sword, or maybe a doctor. It could be anything tbh, just want to see little sister fluff.

✮ A Little Trouble ✮

Platonic! Ikemen Princes x Teen! Reader

Hi!! Thank you sm for requesting!! I love the idea and I’m sorry if I went a little off the topic of the request💞 I would have finished this yesterday but tumblr deleted my work :,(

I did take on a little more calm approach to the stories so please feel free to request again for anything more specific!

Foreign affairs faction

˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖

Clavis can’t help but burst out laughing when he first saw the girl; giggling about “Is there no pure hearted adults left in Rhodolite?

His interest was peaked however at Sariel’s choice of Belle. This meant that Clavis became Belle’s unofficial guide for the first weeks of her stay.

It wasn’t very long until Belle realised how much Clavis loved to prank his brothers and now her (his newest victim). He loved how the girl could get so bratty and chaotic at times, she was simply so entertaining!

Belle endured the whole list of Clavis’ pranks. Potholes, jumpscares, eating cupcakes with horseradish in them (twice) and the list goes on.

It wasn’t until one day that Belle simply had enough. She screamed at Clavis to leave her alone before slamming the door of her bedroom in his face. It was only a couple seconds later that Clavis’ grin turned to a frown, slowly walking away from the girl’s room.

A couple of days went by without Belle seeing Clavis. It was strangely quiet. No pranks, no laughing and definitely no jumpscares. She started to miss the purple haired man’s light hearted pranks and contagious laughter.

Obviously Clavis hadn’t disappeared, he had to make sure that Belle was safe and comfortable so he watched from afar.

Shreds of colourful paper, markers and washitape sprawled all over the Belle’s bedroom floor. She laid on fluffy cotton rug, kicking her feet in the air as she doodled a drawing of a very familiar purple haired man in the decorated page. It wasn’t long before Belle caught a whiff of vanilla surrounding her and the sound of the door closing caught her attention. She looked up to see Clavis carrying a plate of heart shaped cookies, placing them on the ground next to Belle before plopping to lay down next to her. He started to rip pieces of coloured paper too, sprinkling glitter on every surface of that once white page. Clavis’ paper soon filled with messy handwriting, clumsy drawings and too much glitter and stickers to count. The girl couldn’t help but laugh “I didn’t know you knew other languages!”. Clavis simply chuckled “Clavese is the mosy rare language in the world! Only two people understand it. You can be the third.” Clavis didn’t have to finish his words as the girl’s eyes glistened with excitement and her head nodded quickly.

Chevalier was the most displeased. As you can imagine.

Chevalier had shown no interest in the new Belle. Since she was a teenager, Chevalier saw her as incapable. Going out of his way to ignore her, but Belle wasn’t giving up that easily . She followed Chevalier sometimes, or simply watched as he finished his work for the day.

The new Belle always remembered to ask about his day, if he remembered to eat and even bought cookies that Yves helped her to make for him. If he ‘forgot’ to eat, he would get an earful of why eating was important (as if he was a mere child who didn’t understand the importance of eating).

Chevalier admired the new Belle’s courage to scold the Brutal Beast over things so minor and soon he felt a weakness sprouting in his icy heart. His weakness being her.

He enjoyed how her voice filled the usually cold air of the faction’s office, her giggles and deep analysis over very minor things. She was the only one Chevalier allowed to ramble to him if she so desired.

He trusted her to invite her to his own private library, watching her curious eyes linger on the golden lettering of each book. Books about politics, romance, plays, novellas, poems and much more littered the shelves of the room. This was part of Chevalier’s little world that he was willing to share with Belle.

However, Chevalier didn’t allow Belle to slack at her new job. In fact, he made sure she did all of Sariel’s homework and read the books assigned to her. Sometimes coming into her room with an icy glare which told Belle all she needed to know.

The bright moon was covered by grey fluffy clouds, rays of its light peaking through the ashy curtain. The pink bedroom was dark, only the light of the brightest star shining through to illuminate its light on the yellowed pages of Chevalier’s book. Belle sat on the floor under the window. Earlier the same day, she had expressed her desire to want to understand Chevalier better; wanting to see the world through his eyes. She had asked the man to train her with a sword but she only got a glare in response. Therefore she had taken the liberty to take steal a book of his from his private library. It wasn’t anything she would normally read but it was the first book she grabbed. Her eyes were glued to the page, reading each word intently with furrowed brows. “Draconian? What does that even mean?” She muttered angrily; so focused on the stolen book that she didn’t realised her door was open revealed a tall blonde man standing in its frame. It was only when she heard a noise that sounded oddly like a snort that she looked at the doorway. Her eyes widened but before she could muster an excuse, Chevalier beat her to it and spoke with a small smile-

“Try reading a book written for your age.”

Luke made sure she was protected. I mean, you can’t blame him. A young girl having to live in a dangerous palace? THE SAME YOUNG GIRL THAT IS BELLE AS WELL?? He knew he had to do everything possible to make sure she was safe.

Imagine his happiness when the new Belle confessed her love for food and honey! That was the moment that really brought the two together.

Belle found the way Luke attracted animals as fascinating, trying to bring him to the woods to lure any cute animals or just have a look at them up close.

Due to this, Belle had taken a hobby of drawing the animals she saw around Luke and dreamed of becoming a veterinarian. She knew she had to work hard if she wanted to achieve her goal.

Luke tried his hardest to support Belle with her studies assigned by Sariel. He went as far as trying to study with her but ultimately failing and convincing her to take a nap outside instead.

When she told Luke about how she wanted to learn more about animals, he was very delighted. Due to his talent of attracting them, Belle learnt a lot about all kinds of forest animals.

It was a calm summer afternoon. Bees buzzed from one blooming rose to another, collecting pollen for their hives. As the bees were busy, Luke and Belle were doing quite the opposite. The two laid side by side under a tall oak tree, resting in the shade as if Belle wasn’t supposed to be in one of Sariel’s lessons right now. The golden beams of sunlight peered through the leaves, the sun directly on Belle’s cheek leaving a warm kiss on her skin. They weren’t the only ones resting under this tree however as earlier that day a dog had followed Luke to the palace. The big dog had chosen to spread its shaggy body and large paws on Belle’s lap, making her unable to get up even if she wanted too. “I had this weird dream where I was a bear and you were a bear too” the [H/C] girl began “We were in a cave and I was really cold. But you came and hugged me! I felt much better” she smiled at the sweet dream and Luke couldn’t help return the smile. It was times like these were life felt the way it should; Simple.

Nokto tried to stay away, mostly because of his reputation. He was fine with Belle and engaged in quick chit chat with her but nothing too long.

That was until he was strolling through the Rhodolite gardens when he heard soft crying. He simply couldn’t ignore the sound which led him to find Belle crying on a bench on the far right of the palace.

The 7th Prince sat on the bench with Belle, saying with his usual grin for her stop crying and smile. Belle simply looked up at the man before turning her head away, mumbling that he wouldn’t understand.

After a while of silence, Nokto asked more sincerely. “What’s going on?”. That was when the new Belle started to explain how, while she was happy to be Belle, she had to leave all her friends and family behind. She missed them and fortunately Nokto knew something about missing family.

“They’ll be there when you come back, no need to cry now”.

That day forwards, they started to talk more before kind of became inseparable. Just like twins, communicating by pulling silly faces across the round table or bickering over the best flavour of pie.

Nokto liked Belle’s chaotic personality, he enjoyed picking small fights and such. One of their favourite activities being chasing one another. Loud laughter filling the halls as Belle fell victim to Nokto’s tickling.

It was only when Nokto realised how close they became when he started to laugh. Belle had started to pick up on some of his habits like calling Chevalier ‘King Highness’ and trying to outfox Sariel (unfortunately that didn’t work). He was happy because she was happy.

However sometimes there were moments where no laughter was heard, no smiles shared and no trance of joy between the two.

Quiet steps filled the air of the palace, the sneaky fox trying to escape the place before a small voice stopped him in his tracks. “Nokto!” The voice called out. Nokto turned slowly to the voice, the red moon’s light casting his face in its bloody glow. A moment of silence passed before the cream coloured marble echoed loud clicking from Belle’s hard shoes which she had put on just a minute prior. When she reached the white haired man, the young girl wrapped her arms around him in an embrace. The Prince’s whole body tensed before relaxing and hugging the girl back. No words were needed to make them both understand. She simply had a nightmare, he simply had to stay.

Not proofread and I’m thinking of making a masterlist. Anyways,I hope you enjoyed!! Goodbye my Doves 🕊️

If you like my work, feel free to requests!

[haruhar-u]

I’m not good at typing long messages as a lot of people here so I’m gonna try to keep this short but thank you guys for being there for me :).

thank you guys for talking me out of dark shit so I’d actually live to see 2024.

Before I joined Tumblr I was quite lonely with irls that I felt could barely contend with my chattering but on here I felt I could chatter all I wanted without worry. So thanks for the safe space :D. I never thought I’d be able to make online friends but here I am I guess :)

Thank you for motivating me to start writing fic, to start writing my novel again, to develop my ocs some more. Before I joined I was on a 4-5 month slump with no writing at all due to a lack of motivation.

thank you guys for introducing me to a lot of games I now really enjoy and probably wouldn’t have found without you guys. Such as the Arcana and the Ikemen games (if it wasn’t for Tumblr my irls probably wouldn’t have convinced me to play lmao).

Honestly Tumblr has changed me for the better. I love you guys /p. I may not be close to my actual family but you guys have became like a family to me. I’ve finally found a place I belong I suppose.

happy new year everyone. I hope we can be friends for many years to come :D

@xen-blank @edith-is-a-cat @dove-da-birb @azulashengrottospiano @vivislosingitagain @whspermy-name @cheezy-moon @ameleii @rosehxnt @ithseem @twistwonderlanddevotee @krenenbaker @thekitchenywitch @supergigabigboybabechad @angelhairpastawithherbs @averagetoyakinnie @underly-niche-joy @keii-starz @v-anrouge @i-like-forgs @cave-of-jade @distant-velleity (tried to tag all my moots I’m sorry if I missed someone)

[etinceelle]

won't lie, after all the twitter bullshit started I was kind of hoping you'd switch over to tumblr fully. Nobody likes seeing an artist they like getting bullied over nonsense. Sincerely hope you have a better time of it here!

You'll be happy to know that I really plan to take some distance from Twitter, focusing mostly on Tumblr and remaking my blog for the past few days helped me a lot mentally actually. xD I felt like 11 yo again in a safe bubble like the nerd that I am just doing my stuff in my corner, it feels good. (I know I have an audience here as well aha but the feeling is pretty different between the two platforms)

I don't plan to leave Twitter (even if in my bad time I said I thought about deleting my account, I won't do it in the end) because most of my commissions come from here, and it's still a big place and kinda where I started to be "known" for my RWBY artworks so it's still important in my visibility I guess. But I'd like to evaluate better the way I use this platform. Probably mostly post my stuff, answer to comments, interact with friends/mutuals/artists that I like. I love fandoms but it became a lot on Twitter honestly... And I'm super happy to see a lot of cool art here, and that a lot of my mutuals are also on Tumblr :]

Thank you for your support and thank you for welcoming me in a chill way over there :'> ♥

[1greyscale1]

for our 100th post…

we’d like to say thank you to the non-traumagenic, and even pro-endo traumagenics for being so accepting.

i won’t ramble and share too much but

before we became active and actually posted on here, we had 2 friends we met at a school dance. we met in the bathroom because they were doing makeup and i was overstimulated.

we became friends, i got both of their names and where to chat, and we went on our merry way after the dance.

this next part is sorta fuzzy, so i’ll try my best to write it.

one day, one of them who we’ll call Allie, brought up the fact that they were a system.

now, before meeting them, i knew about DID, and the like, but i never really looked into it.

Allie talked to me, i asked questions, to which they answered happily.

The other friend, let’s call them Quinn, started talking about being a system, too.

they both told me they were both systems that formed from trauma, and never really said anything about endo systems, but (unfortunately) i saw from tiktok that endo systems were faking and bad people. these friends only enforced that way of thinking.

now, i wanted to ‘fit in’ with these friends.

i downloaded simply plural, added myself (juno), a therian who is now known as Rowan, and some fictives (mostly from the dream smp.)

don’t get me wrong, we had good times, me and those two! we even had a group sleepover! but.. this is where things get messy.

skipping ahead, we had our first argument, about simply plural bios. yes. you heard me right. simply plural bios. apparently, i copied their bio format. (the simple name, age, etc, on different lines)

they berated me for it.

but that’s okay!

as long as i can still fit in.

so, moving along. we have another argument, this time about me faking.

they weren’t exactly wrong, but they weren’t exactly right.

i had semi-distinct parts, but they weren’t too prominent. not as prominent as theirs were.

these types of arguments would pop up every now and then.

eventually one day i got sick of it.

i lashed out on a call, saying stuff like i was sorta faking.

i blocked them.

now, let’s go a few months in the future.

i learned some more about endo systems from tumblr, and looked at some posts from endogenics.

i found that, they’re actually pretty accepting.

now, skipping again.

i hopped on tumblr another day.

i edited my profile picture, banner, and even included a bio.

i would post something, something that would eventually make me and my system who we are today.

an intro post.

a simple intro post.

but i would use tumblr so so so much after that.

i would join the tags ‘endo safe’, ‘pro endo’, and ‘plurality’. i even joined ‘median system’ after finding out i am one.

after doing so, the community was so welcoming.

i was so happy, finding a place with kind, supportive people like me.

it felt like home.

in conclusion, i thank the non-traumagenic community and the pro-endo traumagenic community.

you all have helped me find out who i am.

and i thank you for that.

you all have given me a home.

[winkle-pickers]

Pegasus, Isis, or Mai for the ask meme! Take your pick! 👀

MAIIIIIII 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

I love her so much. She deserves to swindle anyone she wants and they should thank her for it. And okay LISTEN I KNOW I'M A DOMA APOLOGIST BUT COME ON THAT SEASON IS WORTH WATCHING FOR MAI ALONE I'VE SAID IT BEFORE I'LL SAY IT AGAIN. Like??? The montage where she talks about how she competed obsessively in tournament after tournament, but no matter how much she won and how powerful she became in the moment, she just couldn't feel safe again and the nightmares were still after her? What right did an anime filler arc have to go that hard?!?!

AND THEN. AND THEN!! She joins up with an evil biker gang and gets some PRETTY FUCKED UP POWER, misuses it thoroughly, and you can see her actively making the choice every time to keep doing it even while she obviously regrets it. It's such a delicious complexity we don't see often from, well, female characters in shonen anime - because Mai is still sympathetic throughout! You GET why she's doing this, you were there watching when she got excluded from all the Friendship Montages, maybe it's a little sad that these teenagers seem to be her only friends in the first place, and it's a LOT sad that she experienced The Horrors just like the rest of them did but didn't get any of the closure or catharsis.

When tumblr users make posts about how they want fucked up little hissing sopping wet cat characters to put in a jar and shake THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT MAI. AUGH I JUST. MAN. FERAL ABOUT THIS WOMAN. I'm in the middle of a training montage set to 80s music lifting weights and writing every day with sweat pouring down my face so that I'll be good enough to write a Mai fic someday!!!

[kjmcotton]

Have a soft spot for me | Osh

Oh Sehun x fem!reader

Plot:from your attitude no one would tell that you love Sehun,but things are meant to change soon

Warnings:none

This story is a request

Masterlist

Author’s notes:here’s a new request! I tried my best so I really hope everyone will like it and that the anon who asked for this story will enjoy their reading! Have a good day/night!♡

Tumblr works with reposts:if you enjoyed my story please repost and leave a feedback! Help me growing!♡

“Because you’re different to me,but in a good way”

With your check-out done you could finally take a breath of relief as you were back in Seoul.

Six beautiful weeks of studying abroad,in Sweden,had finally come to an end and you couldn’t wait to meet your friends.

You crossed the hallway of the airport,reaching the entrance,where Junmyeon was waiting to pick you up and drive you to the welcome party.

As soon as you saw him a jolt of happiness shook your whole body

“Junmyeon!!” you exclaimed out loud,running towards your friend to hug him. Your luggage fell on the ground as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders and your legs around his waist.

Your friend,who was taken by surprised,held you by luck

“You want the both of us to fall” he giggled

“I missed you so much” you showered his face with kisses;he then put you down. Everyone’s eyes were on you two:probably people were thinking he was your boyfriend,but the truth was that you simply used to be warm with your closest friends

“So you are my taxi for today” you teased him,looking as he collected your luggage

“For today? Six weeks were enough to make you forget who used to drive you around Seoul,I see”

“Of course not…I could never forget Irene”

Junmyeon turned around and glared at you:his eyes became two thin lines in the disappointed face he was showing you. You laughed and hit his shoulder with a friendly fist

“Calm down I’m joking,no need to think about leaving me here the whole night”

“I hope so” he replied,sliding your luggage in the trunk of his black car

“So…where’s the welcome party?”

“It’s a surprise” he said,and with that he spent the drive avoiding any kind of question.

It took you around an hour to get to the party. Your friends held it in your favourite karaoke bar in Hongdae. Everyone was there:all your boy friends and girl friends.

“Joy! Yeri! My girls!” with a happy smile you ran toward your friends,hugging them and placing a kiss on their cheeks

“Seulgi and Irene couldn’t come tonight,but the present is from them as well” the younger brunette said,giving you a giant bouquet of flowers

“Thank you all so much,I’ll call them later. You’re amazing” you smiled,putting the flowers next to a bunch of other presents before greeting the friends who had come

“Baekhyunee! My favourite trouble maker” you squished him in your arms

“Jongin,my bear! Magic handshake?” with a laugh the boy stretched his arm out,doing the well know greeting you two had invented;then you hugged him just like you did with Junmyeon earlier

“Minseok! Jongdae!” you locked them in a double hug as they both ruffled your hair

“We thought you would’ve moved to Sweden after spending six weeks of telling us how amazing that country is” the older looked at you with sweet eyes

“I could never live there without you all” you smiled,moving to greet Chanyeol

“Hello giant” you pouted as he playfully lifted you up to greet you

“I’m not a giant,you’re just too short for me” he teased you. You jokingly hit his leg with a kick

“I was trying to be sweet!”

“Try again” he winked as he watched you walking to Yixing and Kyungsoo. You hugged and kissed them as well.

There was one last person you had to greet but as soon as you saw him you froze. Oh Sehun:the prettiest man alive,but also then one who made you the most nervous…it didn’t matter if you had been knowing him for years.

“Hi” you said unintentionally cold,greeting him by a safe distance. There was only one word to describe the scene:embarrassing. Everyone was silent,staring at the two of you or exchanging a few “I wish I were somewhere else” glances;only Baekhyun faked a cough and pushed you towards the tall guy

“Hi” Sehun replied,his voice was flat,uninterested…but what could you expect from him if you had always been so shy when he was around that all you could do was avoiding any kind of friendly interaction? Hate,that was the answer.

You gave him a fast hug and stepped back,grabbing the bag full of gifts from Sweden

“As you know,while studying abroad I’ve joined a pottery club. Now guess what’s in there”

“Biscuits” Baekhyun giggled

“Candies” Jongi talked,randomly rising his hand

“Alcohol” Chanyeol crossed his arms with a satisfied face,probably he was thinking he had just made the joke of the year

“What a perceptive trio,especially Chanyeol. In fact I’ve made personalised mugs for everyone!” your voice was excited

“Gotta expect a bunny on mine I guess” Junmyeon rested his shoulder against the wall

“Not a simple bunny…-you picked up his mug-a bunny swimming in a sea of carrots” you handed him the gift. The boy looked at the object and burst into a laughter

“This looks like a dog swimming in a sea of golden fishes with green tails,but I’ll appreciate the effort” he joked

“Fuck off Kim” you rolled your eyes as you started handing out mugs to everyone

“Is this an astronaut cat or…” Kyungsoo was confused

“Bingo! You see,my drawing skills ain’t that bad”

“They’re not bad,they’re awful” Joy teased you,exchanging a fist with Junmyeon

“Go make Junmyeon your new best friend then,he’s good at lingerie shopping on Saturday”

“What?” Junmyeon’s cheeks became as red as apples

“Nothing!” Joy yelled

“Do you have a specific day to do that?” Minseok asked amused

“She’s talking nonsense” Joy mumbled nervously shaking her hands in the air

You laughed,grabbing the last mug in your bag:it was Sehun’s. You froze again,looking at the present. It was pretty but extremely plain compared to the others:you knew you weren’t actually good at painting,that was why you had planned a different personalisation for his mug. You were too scared he wouldn’t have liked any of your dumb drawings,so you went for a simple pattern;however,just like your behaviour towards him,the energy of that present was pretty cold.

Sehun looked at the object and mumbled a fast “thanks” before abandoning it on a nearby table:it hurt you. Why weren’t you able to give the best of you when it came to that guy? Why you liked him so much that all you could do was ruining every chance to get closer to him?

You smiled,hiding the pain rising from your heart,and then suggested to officially start the night.

You ordered a few drinks and chose the songs to perform at karaoke.

The first one singing was Baekhyun,with his beautiful angel voice,who chose a Michael Jackson song, adding even a few nailed dance moves.

Everyone clapped and laughed,cheering the next in line:Jongdae. He was a classic guy,so he went for a more emotional performance with Hello by Adele. Joy randomly burst into tears during the chorus,but probably it was because of the alcohol which had begun to hit.

You clapped at Jongdae,ordered a bunch of Soju shots and went on with the night.

Around midnight,besides the few friends who had to drive,everyone was drunk.

“It’s too hot,I need some fresh air. I’ll be back” you said,leaving your drink on the table

“Shall I come with you?” Minseok asked,but you shook your head

“I’m fine don’t worry” you smiled,and walked outside.

As soon as you closed the entrance door of the karaoke bar you noticed Sehun standing a few steps away from you. He was resting against the wall while scrolling through his phone.

You gave him a glance,shivers crossing your spine,but even tho you wanted it you had no chance to leave as he saw you

“I didn’t notice you’ve left the party” you murmured,trying to broke the tension,but you made it worse

“I’m not surprised” Sehun shrugged his shoulders.

You didn’t know what to say:you felt sorry for him,you had never meant to be perceived as the petty bitch,but any time you tried to change things you only made it worse by accident. It had been like that since day one and you had lost hope by then.

You sighed and scratched the back of your neck

“I didn’t mean it in that way” you murmured,looking at him

“Okay” he replied,shifting his attention on the phone again.

The silence fell,only the sweet sound of the night breeze could be heard. You knew it was the right moment to talk to him,tell him that,at least,you didn’t hate him like he thought

“Sehun-“ you called him

“Mh?” he murmured,eyes still stuck on the phone

“I-you were about to speak when you felt a retch coming up from your stomach-I need the bathroom” you spat out and ran away.

Sehun looked at you confused for a second,but as soon as he understood you were sick he followed you.

You held onto the sink of the bathroom and threw up. You weren’t feeling dizzy,but probably your stomach wasn’t used anymore to the amount of Soju you had drank that night. After all,you had spent six weeks in a place in which no one knew what Soju was,you should’ve predicted it.

“Are you okay?” Sehun pushed your hair back while massaging your back,you couldn’t see his eyes but a ring of concern had replaced the usual shine of his pupils.

Once you felt a little better you washed your face and sat,resting your back against the sink.

Sehun sat next you,waiting for you to feel better. Once again the embarrassing silence fell,and you hated yourself.

“Shall I call someone else? Maybe Junmyeon or Jongdae?”

“No I’m fine” you shook your head

“Thank you” you said in hope to make it less uncomfortable

“Nevermind” he replied.

Again,silence.

You sighed,sure it was time to talk

“I don’t hate you,you know?” you said,rising your head to look into Sehun’s eyes. The boy furrowed his eyebrows,then he shifted his eyes away without saying anything

“I’m being honest” you kept on talking,scanning the boy’s features. By the small changes his expression went through, you knew he was feeling so many emotions all at once.

“I don’t care if you hate me or not. I never asked you anyway” he spat out,coldly. At those words your heart shattered into a million pieces. So that was it:he didn’t care about you while you were so worried of hurting him;or…was he saying that just because he was already hurt? Maybe even more than what you expected. You felt so confused.

“You may not care,but I do”

“You should’ve showed it earlier” he scoffed

“I’m not good at it” you sighed

“Not good?-Sehun rose his voice-am I blind to you? So you think I don’t see how you treat other people? I wasn’t there but I am sure you hugged and kissed Junmyeon as soon as you saw him at the airport,you always do it with everyone…or,at least,everyone but me. However,I don’t care. I don’t need your approval to live happily” he was about to get up and leave,but you grabbed his wrist and dragged him back on the floor.

“You matter to me!” you exclaimed

A “tsk” escaped Sehun’s lips,followed by a sour laughter

“Stop fooling me” he shrugged your hand off and tried to leave again,but you didn’t give up.

You jumped on your feet and pushed the brunette against the sink;one of his hands held your arm while the other the sink itself. Your eyes chained together while your faces were a few inches away.

“I would never fool you Sehun. You can tell me you don’t care,but I know that’s not true,you always care about everything and everyone. That’s the thing I like the most about you because,as I said earlier,I do like you”

“Then why you barely talk to me? Why your behaviour is always ice cold?”

“Because…-you paused-because you’re different to me,but in a good way”

“You’re talking nonsense”

“I’m not! It’s so hard,there’s so much to say”

“Then say it”

“I can’t Sehun”

The boy rolled his eyes: “Why?”

“Because…” you stayed silent,words didn’t come out

“Because what Y/n? Can you be clear for once? I’m tired of always trying to understand what’s going on your mind. It makes me mad…as mad as seeing you being sweet with everyone but me!”

The last phrase unintentionally escaped Sehun’s lips,you could tell by his expression:he had been trying to not show how much jealous and hurt he was,but he wasn’t good at lying.

You looked at him for a second,then you finally opened up:

“Because I think I’m in love with you!” you spat out,regretting it as soon as you realised what you had just said.

Sehun blinked confused while his grip tightened around your arm. You couldn’t stop looking at him,you were waiting for a reaction,but,at the same time,you wanted to disappear.

“Forget about it! My mistake!” you exclaimed,trying to run away,but this time it was the brunette who held you back:it didn’t matter how much you tried to free yourself from his grip,his fingers wouldn’t let go.

“Y/n!” he called you,you turned around.

You thought you had officially lost any chance to build an actual friendship with him when,suddenly,he brought you closer and kissed you. Your heart skipped a beat and your body was suddenly crossed by shivers:what was happening? You didn’t realise it immediately,it took you a while to process.

“If you were in love with me why you avoided me that much?” Sehun spoke in a warm,gentle whisper. His face was no more contracted in a disappointed expression,otherwise he was now relieved.

“Having you around made my nervous,and I’m not good at handling emotions” you mumbled,as red as a strawberry. Sehun smiled and ruffled your hair:

“You don’t need to worry about it anymore”

And with that,things changed faster than what you expected:the boy’s presence started to feel like home while his hoodies became your new favourite thing,that thing you couldn’t get tired of. His smile became your ray of sun and his hugs your most effective medicine. Sehun was constantly by your side,both in the good and the bad,while you were there for him anytime he needed.

To summon everything up:you were finally happy,so happy that,soon,none of you tried to hide your relationship,nor to explain it;so,at a certain point,all your friends noticed but never said anything. They would simply cheer for you in silence,watching you two holding hands in front of them,exchanging kisses;they would watch how you two sat together,linking arms,or how Sehun paid for your drinks and carried your bags…and they would be grateful for that because,finally,there was no more heavy silence,just lots of love and affection.