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[sunflowerhyun]

how he sees me | hwang hyunjin | part one

ᝰ summary: “Do you love me?” she asked.

In his hesitation, she found her answer.

OR, alternatively, Hyunjin is a little bit of an asshole and Y/N just misses him.

ᝰ pairing: hwang hyunjin x curvy!reader (f.)

ᝰ genre: ex-childhood-friends-to-lovers, punk!hyunjin au

ᝰ warnings: ! MDNI ! cursing, many references to past situations (in italics), some unwanted groping, y/n has a panic attack, alcohol consumption, mentions of drug use (weed), slight sexual content consisting of: making out, dry humping, brief mention of y/n on top. lots of angst.

ᝰ wc: 16k+

ᝰ a/n: hiii. part one is in the books !! this is my very first fan fiction on tumblr and i’m super excited to go on this journey w/ you all ! thanks for reading

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Y/N always loved the stars.

She loved the fact that once the sun went back into its hiding place and there was no more light to pave way, a million stars would make their appearance, decorating the night sky and bringing back some of that light that was previously lost. They would twinkle, dance—Y/N rarely ever saw them alone. And the main thing she loved about them was that the brightest star in the sky, would always be accompanied by another. The night sky was their gathering place—their safe haven—and it soon became hers too.

Y/N always loved the stars, because they reminded her of him.

On the nights where Y/N was stressing about their next test in Calculus and she just couldn’t for the life of her make it make sense, they would go see the stars. On the nights where Y/N would cry over some stupid boy that decided he didn’t want her anymore, they would go see the stars. On the nights where he had enough of his parents and felt hopeless, worthless, undeserving of anything and everything in the word, they would go see the stars.

Nothing was ever said when they went to see the stars. They would take his car, drive to an abandoned area, lay on the hood, and just breathe. He often told her he felt suffocated, contained; when they went to see the stars, he could finally break free from that. And Y/N would curl up beside him, his arm bringing her as close as they could get, and they would simply just be present with one another. The stars were their thing, their escape; him and her.

Nothing was ever said when they went to see the stars, until it was.

“I’m leaving.”

Y/N raised her head from his chest, sitting up so she could face him directly, to make sure she heard him correctly. He avoided eye contact, eyes staying focused on the sky in front of him. That night, the stars were hiding behind the clouds.

“What?” she whispered, heart beat thumping out of her chest, “what do you mean?”

He swallowed thickly, taking his bottom lip in-between his teeth. The same lips that she had kissed the night before. The same lips that had whispered sweet nothings and broken promises in her ear as she gave him her firsts. The same lips that will eventually betray her, break her, ruin her.

“I’m leaving,” he repeated, like he had practiced saying it a hundred times in the mirror before this. “I’m leaving, and I’m not coming back.”

He sounded so sure of this, voice stern and clear as day. The words hung in the air for one second, five seconds, fifteen—and then, “what do you mean?”

The question came out again, a whisper—the breeze carried it through the sky. He had heard her, but said nothing more, eyes staying forward, his arm still laying sprawled out beside him, the same arm she was laying on top of just moments earlier. Why isn’t he looking at her?

“What do you mean, Hyunjin?!” The question came out more harsh this time, and his nostrils flared slightly at the tone. “You can’t just tell me you’re leaving and never coming back and expect me to just sit here and let you without any sort of explanation! Does our friendship mean nothing to you? Do I mean nothing to you?”

He closed his eyes briefly, finally giving some sort of a reaction, running his hands through his hair and dragging them down to cover his face. Nothing was heard but the faint sound of crickets, the slight rustle of the trees as the wind blew… and Hyunjin was still not saying anything.

“You can’t even look at me,” Y/N whispered, and his body stiffened. Suddenly, she began to panic, reaching out to softly grip his thigh, leaning forward. “Let me come with you, then. You know I don’t want to live here either. We can get an apartment together, and I can re-apply to some colleges to wherever you’re going. I-I’m sure my parents would be a little upset about it, but I know they would under—"

“Stop, Y/N.”

“—stand, because they really like you, you know? I mean, you’ve been around since we were in elementary school, and my mom was so excited when we went to prom together, and—"

“Y/N!” He yelled, sitting up from the hood of the car and taking his hands off his face. Y/N flinched, moving her hand off his thigh like it had burned her…but Hyunjin was finally looking at her. “Just… stop.”

It was quiet. He was breathing heavy, staring at her like he was about to break her. The wind blew, and Hyunjin’s hair fell into his eyes. He was so beautiful. Here he was sitting on the hood of his car, telling her he’s leaving her, and yet he was beautiful. Y/N felt her heart drop into her stomach, wanting nothing more than to lean over and connect their lips, beg him to stay, beg him to just explain to her what was going on.

“You can’t come with me. I just need to get away from here. I’m going to suffocate if I stay in this town any longer. I made it through graduation, and now it’s time for me to leave. There’s nothing for me here and I’m drowning each second I stay.”

“But I’m here,” she whispered. “Is that not enough?”

The stars never came out that night.

Y/N thinks back to that night a lot, a lot more than she should. She thought back to his body language the day of and how… off he seemed. He barely made eye contact, would slightly flinch whenever she touched him—smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. Y/N recognized the signs, and that’s why she wasn’t surprised when he had asked her to go see the stars that night. She just wasn’t expecting that.

Tears, screams, and whispers were the highlight of that night. Y/N—begging him to stay, Hyunjin—making promises he knew he wouldn’t keep. And Y/N clung to those promises because Hyunjin had never broken any. But when one week, three weeks, months passed, she came to the realization that Hyunjin was not who she thought he was.

The tears and screams came back then. And they haven’t really gone away since.

That’s why tonight, when Jeongin had invited her to come out to have a couple of drinks to celebrate him recently graduating university, she thought of the stars, and she thought of him.

She doesn’t think she’s ever stopped.

“Y/N!” She heard her name being called, glancing away from the sky to turn her head towards the sound of the voice. A mop of blonde hair was speed walking towards her, eyes twinkling and smile widening.

She smiled back, stumbling back a few steps once Felix had approached her and embraced her in one of his famous, suffocating bear hugs. Felix loved hugs and Y/N loved being the reciprocator of them; it’s always nice to feel cared for. “Ugh, I’m so ready to get drunk tonight. You won’t believe the amount of last-minute orders we got today.”

“Well, it is about that time for graduation season. Lots of people wanting some of your tasty cakes, ya know.”

Felix snorted at her comment, pulling away from the hug, running his fingers through his hair. He had started growing it out and Y/N thought it suit him well.

“Speaking of your tasty cakes, did you bring one for Jeongin?”

“Who do you take me for? Of course I did!” He replied, putting a hand on Y/N’s back to lightly guide her towards the front door of the bar, “Well, I didn’t bring it. That was Minho’s job. But I did make it. And I spent about four hours decorating the damn thing, so you better take some pictures before it gets ruined.”

“Shouldn’t that have been Minho’s job since he’s the one bringing it?” Y/N asked, mumbling a small thank you as Felix held the door open for her.

“Fuck, you’re right. Let’s hope they didn’t cut into it already or I might throw a fit.”

“Please, not tonight in front of everyone.” Y/N teased, glancing around her briefly to take in the scene in front of her. She had never been here before—not really being the type to go out and drink often—but the vibe was okay, as far as she could tell. It was crowded, but not too much as to where it would feel suffocating. The music was upbeat, not blaring loud to where she had to scream to have a basic conversation and she didn’t spot any couples aggressively making out in the middle of the bar. However, it was only 20:00, so that was probably going to change pretty soon.

“So on a scale of 0-10, 10 being the best, how is it? I know you’re probably about to piss yourself from just being in here.”

“I am not!” She shoved him to the side a little, letting out a scoff, “And normally it’s the other way around. But I’m giving this place a solid 6 right now. That could change though, depending on how much you annoy me tonight.”

Felix rolled his eyes, “Yeah, whatever. Jeongin made sure to choose this place extra carefully since you were coming. It’s really not that bad. You need to have a few drinks and relax for once. You’ve been working too much lately.”

Y/N sighed at his comment, feeling a headache coming on just from the mention of work. She’s been running on 3 hours of sleep per night the past few weeks and simply just wanted to go lay in her bed since she’s finally off tomorrow. A bubble bath and a glass of Moscato sounded really nice too.

“Let’s go find the others. Jeongin booked a private area in the back for us.”

Y/N hummed in response, leaning closer to Felix as he led them towards the back of the bar. She glanced at him, noting the lip tint on his lips, the overwhelming scent of Dior, and his famous lip ring he rarely wore. She squinted her eyes, “Are you trying to get laid tonight?”

“Maybe I am,” he cracked a grin.

“I can tell. You smell and look like you’ve just came out of a fashion show that neither of us can afford,” Y/N teasingly poked the side of his face, laughing as he quickly swat her hand away before returning its position back onto her lower back. “Anyone in particular or are you just looking for someone random?”

Felix groaned slightly, “I hate when you interrogate me like this.”

“I’m not! I’m just invested and being a good friend,” She spoke, heels loudly clanking against the floor, and Y/N kind of wished she didn’t chose to wear these tonight. “You should be able to enjoy yourself. I just like to know details.”

“You get off to the details or something?”

“Not those details, you pervert!” She exclaimed, elbowing him in his side once they came to a halt. He groaned lightly before attempting to elbow her back, as she let out a laugh before dodging it, gently gripping his arm and moving back towards him. “You know what I mean. I just like to make sure you’re alright and that they aren’t sketch or something.”

“I’d like to think that I have good judgement.”

“Hm, I don’t know. Remember that red-headed girl you hooked up with a few months ago? She literally tried to fight me, threaten me, and also showed up at your work crying because she thought you were cheating on her. And remember when she—"

“Okay, that was one time!” Felix quickly defended himself as Y/N gave him a I told you so look. “Alright fine, I’d like to think I have good judgement when I’m not drunk off vodka and red wine. Which was your fault, by the way.”

Y/N gasped, “It was most certainly not! Minho was the one that—"

“Are you guys ever going to stop flirting in front of us?” A voice piped up from beside them, and Y/N immediately recognized it to be Minho’s. “Normally we would encourage both of you to go get a quickie in at the bathroom, but it is Jeongin’s graduation celebration, so that would be rude since he isn’t getting any.”

“Hello to you too, Minho. My day was great, thank you for asking,” Felix rolled his eyes, gently moving Y/N’s hand off his arm to make his way over to a scowling Jeongin who was obviously annoyed at Minho’s comment, “Congrats on finally graduating!”

Jeongin’s death stare was quickly replaced with a smile as he embraced Felix in a hug, letting out a thank you. “Hey!” He suddenly shouted, the scowl immediately making its way back as he struggled to swat Felix’s hands away from his head, “Get off! You’re messing up my hair and it’s my night!”

“Yeah, Lix, you’re ruining his chances of getting laid tonight.”

Jeongin groaned at Minho’s comment. “I am sick of you. Remind me why I invited you, again?”

“Because you love me.” Minho smirked.

“Leave him alone, Minho,” Y/N rolled her eyes, shoving him to the side slightly before walking over to where Felix and Jeongin were. Jeongin stood up when seeing her, pushing Felix to the side as he embraced her in a hug.

“Congratulations! I know you’ve worked hard!” Y/N smiled, as he mumbled out a thank you. Y/N pulled away from the hug, digging into her purse to pull out the gift card her and Felix had bought. “Here ya go. $500 visa gift card to spend on whatever you want from Felix and I. He was supposed to also buy a card to put it in, but you know how he is.”

“$500?!” Minho obnoxiously shouted, “Where was this generosity for my graduation? I only got $50!”

“Shut up,” Jeongin rolled his eyes, smiling widely once looking at Y/N and Felix. “Thank you guys so much! You really didn’t have to.”

“Of course we did! Graduating university is a big deal. Now you can go work as an Engineer and buy a round of drinks for once!” Felix laughed, patting him on the head. Y/N snorted lightly at the way Jeongin’s cheeks became red, knowing how his drinks and food are always paid for whenever they go out together. Y/N was once a university student too, so she understood the struggle.

“Hello? Are you guys just going to ignore me?”

“Do you not remember me buying you almost $300 worth of drinks and food that night?” Felix asked, as Minho shook his head. He rolled his eyes, “I’m sorry you were so wasted you didn’t remember. But I did. Y/N is the one that gave you the visa card.”

“I was in university and broke!” Y/N defended herself when seeing Minho shooting her a look, “And to be fair, I had only known you for a few months then. I didn’t have to get you anything, you know.”

“I know, I know. I’m teasing,” Minho smirked, walking up to Y/N and lightly hitting his hip against hers. “Let me order you a drink. First round’s on me.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” Y/N smiled, quickly walking over to hand Felix her purse (so she wouldn’t be tempted to start a tab), before heading towards the bar. “This place is kinda nice. Not too rowdy or anything.”

“Yeah, it’s one of the more tamer ones around here. I’ve been here a few times. The liquor is pretty good,” He replied. Y/N took a few moments to quickly look him over head-to-toe, noticing that he had just recently changed his hair color. It’s gotten a little longer, too. “You dyed your hair black. And you’ve started growing it out. Is long hair coming back into style, or are you seeing someone?”

Minho snorted, running his fingers through his hair as they approached the bar. He quickly caught the attention of the bartender, ordering them both a vodka sour before turning his body to face her, leaning against the bar side table. “Long hair has never gone out of style and I’m not currently seeing anyone. Why? Are you interested?”

“In your dreams, maybe.” Y/N smirked in response, and Minho snorted in reply. She always found him to be quite handsome, and his personality was unlike anyone’s she had ever met. Minho was blunt, always telling things as it was, and never sugar coated anything. He was successful, graduated university with a business degree, currently finishing up his MBA while working alongside his father at a very well known company throughout the country.

He was the perfect image of a perfect partner. Yet, he wasn’t him.

He has ruined everyone for her, and he doesn’t even know it.

At the thought of him, Y/N frowned, eyes zeroing in on the crumbled up napkin currently laying on the floor near Minho’s feet. Minho was now conversing with the bartender as he sat the drinks in front of him, and everything suddenly started to sound muffled. Memories began to flood into her mind; memories of plush lips grazing her skin, late night swims in her grandma’s pool, the way he held her whenever it stormed because he knew she was afraid of being alone, sneaking into each other’s bedrooms at midnight to eat junk food and binge watch their favorite drama...

It wasn’t until she felt someone lightly shaking her arm that she had snapped out of her state, eyes shooting up to glance at a slightly worried Minho, the drinks balancing on his free hand. She blinked once, twice—before her cheeks started to tint a shade of pink in embarrassment.

“You okay?” Minho had asked her. Y/N could almost cry from the worried look in his eyes. How embarrassing it was to blank out like that.

“I’m fine, sorry. I’m just a little tired still from working 5 nights in a row, is all,” She replied, mustering a smile that she knew probably seemed fake, and gently grabbed one of the drinks from his hand. She took a long sip, “Let’s go back and dig into some cake and take some shots.” She definitely is going to need some heavy alcohol to make it through the rest of the night.

Minho wasn’t fully convinced, but mumbled out an “alright” before leading them both back over to where the others were waiting. A few more of Jeongin’s friends had shown up, Y/N noticed, watching as they had already ordered two rounds of tequila shots. She hurriedly walked over to the empty chair beside Felix and took a seat, chugging down the rest of her vodka sour and slamming it on the table in front of her. At the sound, Felix glanced over to her mid-conversation with some guy she has never met before, words dying down in his throat when seeing the look on her face.

He gently grabbed her hand and pulled it under the table, “What’s wrong?”

Y/N smiled in response, giving his hand a tight squeeze. “Nothing! I’m just ready to take some shots and eat your tasty cake you spent hours working on.”

Felix saw right through her. Y/N knew he could tell she was lying. He knew her too well. “Y/N, if something is bothering you, we can lea—"

Loud laughter suddenly was heard as one of Jeongin’s friends had suddenly pushed his head into his graduation cake. Minho busted out into a fit of manic laughter, snapping pictures to probably post on his snapchat story in attempt to embarrass him any way he can. Jeongin immediately began to complain, and Felix groaned out a, “Minho, please tell me you took a picture of the cake first!”

“Calm down, blondie. The picture was taken so you can post it on your IG.” He rolled his eyes in response, bickering with Jeongin a little bit more before ruffling the head on his hair and plopping down on the empty seat next to Y/N. “These pictures are golden. I should go into photography.”

“Like you need the extra money.” Felix retorted, “Send me the picture before you forget later. It better not be blurry.”

Y/N giggled at their banter, reaching over to grab the un-touched tequila shot in front of her and downing it. She immediately relaxed, eyes closing as she leaned back into the seat a bit.

“Damn, you didn’t even use a lime or salt,” Minho stated in disbelief, “And you didn’t wait on me. So now you’ve got to do another one.”

“You were being too slow.” She replied with a grin, “And if you knew the work week I’ve had, you would understand. So order us some more shots, please!”

Minho chuckled, grabbing the touch screen pad they had at their table to input another round of shots for everyone. Y/N could tell Felix was looking at her again, but she chose to ignore him for now. She’s here to drink, eat cake, and celebrate Jeongin. The crying can come later.

“Done!” He shouted, clapping and rubbing his hands together in anticipation. “I fucking love tequila. I’d marry it if I could.”

“You’d marry a lot of things,” Felix replied, deciding to drop the conversation once realizing Y/N didn’t want to talk right now. He’d get it out of her later, anyway.

“Especially Selena Gomez.” Minho sighed dreamily. Felix rolled his eyes. “I’d give up my liver for her. And my virginity.”

“You’re not even a virgin.”

“Shh, she doesn’t know that.”

“Selena hasn’t even been on tour in like years. Is she still relevant?” One of Jeongin’s friends popped into the conversation. Minho froze, head turning slowly to glare at the guy, and Y/N tried to hold in her laugh at the way his face paled slightly when seeing Minho’s facial expression.

“Did you just insult my wife?”

The guy, who Y/N did not know the name of, visibly gulped, immediately letting out a cluster of, “Of course not! Selena is amazing! She’s so headstrong! I didn’t mean to come off that way. It’s just been so long since she’s like—"

“Peter, chill. He’s just messing with you.” Jeongin interrupted him when seeing that his friend was about to shit himself from Minho’s stare. Peter let out a nervous laugh, deciding to turn his head away from their direction and start conversation on the other side of the table.

Felix snorted when seeing Minho’s satisfied smirk on his face. He leaned back into his chair, twirling the glass of vodka sour in his hand before taking a sip. “I love the affect I have on people.”

“You’re a narcissist.” Y/N laughed. Poor Peter. She would have to make sure to speak with him before she leaves later.

“Speaking of tours and concerts though, are you guys interested in coming to this music festival? One of my buddies from back home is in this band and I promised I would go watch them perform. They’re pretty fucking sick.”

“Who is it?” Felix asked.

“They’re called Stray Kids. Pretty fucking dope. Chan is my friend, and then there’s 3 other dudes. I haven’t met them yet though,” He replied, eagerly grabbing the tequila shots from the waitress with a thank you and passing them down.

Y/N grabbed one of the shots, reaching for a lime and some salt. “That could be fun. What kind of music do they make?”

Minho and Felix did the same, and they each said a brief cheers before downing their shots. Y/N sighed, immediately starting to feel a little lighter and less upset. She hadn’t had tequila in a hot minute.

“Damn that was good,” Minho wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, “They do some heavy metal shit. It’s awesome. They performed at Coachella last year and then kind of got viral on the internet. They’re going on their first world tour next year. Surprised you haven’t heard of them.”

“Oh wow,” Y/N mumbled. “That’s so nice. That’s crazy that one of your best friend’s is basically a celebrity.”

“Right,” Minho laughed, shaking his head back and forth like he was in disbelief. “I still remember us as kids writing songs together and forcing our parents to listen to it. Crazy.”

Y/N smiled at Minho’s comment as a another memory flooded her brain.

“Let’s do this again!” Hyunjin had shouted, running over to the CD player sitting on top of the desk in the playroom.

“Jinnie, I’m tired!” Y/N whined, sprawled out on the carpet in agony, sweating like she had just ran a marathon. “We’ve been practicing this for over an hour! When can we go play barbies? You promised you would play with me.”

Hyunjin groaned at the mention of barbies. He despised them. “Stop being dramatic. Do you want to have a sleepover or not?”

Y/N pouted, “Of course I do.”

“Then stand up so we can do this again. You know this is the only way to convince your mom to let you stay, and she’s going to be here to pick you up in like 30 minutes.”

Y/N sighed, glancing over at the princess barbie house she had gotten for her 8th birthday recently in longing. She was so excited to show Hyunjin her new horse carriage and princess doll. And she was even more excited when the prince doll came with it. He looked just like Hyunjin, and it made her feel fuzzy inside.

Hyunjin groaned again when seeing that Y/N was making no effort to get off the floor. He glanced at the barbie house, then back at her, rolling his eyes before letting out a, “Fine. Let’s do this one more time so we are prepared when your mom gets here, and then when she says yes, we can play barbies until dinner.”

Y/N sat up, crossing her legs on the floor. “Really?” She eagerly asked.

“Yes. I will be the prince and rescue you from the witch,” Hyunjin confirmed with a nod of his head, knowing she always made him save her in some way whenever she forced him to play.

"Will you also promise to not make a face whenever they kiss?"

Hyunjin immediately made his classic 'ew' face at the mention of kissing. "Ugh, why do you always want them to kiss? Why can't they just hug like normal people?"

"Because they just have to! Every prince always kisses his princess!"

Hyunjin groaned again, glaring at the barbie castle, horse carriage, and dolls laying in the corner of his playroom. She always brought the entire set whenever she came over to his house on weekends so that they could play together. Hyunjin dreaded it.

"It's still gross. But fine. As long as you stand up and finish this dance with me."

Y/N grinned, immediately jumping up to run over to him, tackling him into a hug as he let out an oof sound. “Thanks Jinnie! You’re the bestest friend ever!”

Hyunjin blushed slightly, yet quickly shoved her off of him, "Ew, get off of me. You are sweaty and gross."

Y/N giggled, leaning in again to give him a wet kiss on his cheek, and he screeched loudly before dramatically wiping the side of his cheek with the back of his hand, letting out a, "Gross! Why do you always do that?!"

“Y/N?” a voice interrupted her thoughts. She blinked, seeing that Minho and Felix were both starring at her again expectantly. “Yes? Sorry.” She replied.

“They started cutting the cake. There’s a slice in front of you.”

“Oh,” Y/N spoke, letting out a few giggles in embarrassment, “Right. Yum.”

Minho and Felix shared a look, and Y/N noticed this, quickly grabbing the fork and shoving a piece of cake in her mouth. “Your cakes never disappoint, Lix.” She spoke through a mouthful of cake, “Does this have expresso in it?”

“Yeah, it does. Jeongin’s request. Dark chocolate with expresso,” Felix replied, and Y/N nodded her head with a pleased hum.

“So when is this festival? I’m going to have to take off work most likely if it’s a weekday.”

Minho took a bite of his cake, wiping his mouth after. “It’s actually next weekend. Sorry for the late notice. I waited until the last minute to get the tickets. But it’s covered, so you guys won’t owe me anything.”

“I’m actually off next weekend since I worked this past one, so that works for me. Also, I don’t mind paying you back. I think it would be fun.”

“Yeah, I think so too. I’m down to go,” Felix agreed with a nod of his head.

“Cool. I’m going to text Chan and let him know we’re coming. He said he could get us backstage after they perform. They’re performing towards the end of the festival.” Minho replied, pulling his phone out of his pocket. He typed for a couple seconds, and then put it back in his front pocket of his pants. “They’re performing Friday and Saturday night. It’s a two-day thing. The tickets I got cover both days.”

“What’s the festival called?”

“Rock Your Socks Out. It’s just a bunch of alternative artists. Pretty sick.”

“Nice,” Felix replied, sliding his plate over and grabbing his napkin to dab at his mouth. “And we get to go backstage, too? And meet your celebrity friend? Even better.”

Minho chuckled, “I already know you’re plotting a way to get them to promote your bakery.”

“Yup, totally am.”

Y/N scrapped up the last of the crumbs on her plate into her mouth before leaning back into the seat, “Lix, your bakery is already pretty successful. You’ve literally made the top 10 for two years in a row.”

“Don’t flatter him again. We will never hear the end of it.” Minho groaned.

“That’s a huge deal for small businesses. He can brag about it all he wants! He deserves it.” Y/N replied, giving Felix a wide smile that immediately had him smiling back in triumph.

“Yeah, Minho. What she said.”

Minho rolled his eyes, standing up and pushing his chair under the table, “Yeah, whatever. I’m gonna go dance and order some more drinks so I’m not tempted to call my secretary about those files that are probably still not done.”

“I’m coming with!” Y/N followed suit, stopping briefly when feeling a hand gently grab her wrist. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Felix asked again.

“I’m fine. Seriously. I just want to go dance and have a few more drinks. You should do the same and go get what you came for in the first place.” Y/N poked his cheek, and Felix rolled his eyes when catching onto the fact that she was referencing to him getting laid tonight.

Y/N knew he was wanting to press the conversation further, leaning down to quickly kiss his cheek in an effort to end the conversation before jogging after Minho who was already at the bar ordering more drinks. Felix shouldn’t worry about her, Minho shouldn’t worry about her. She was going to have a great time with her friends tonight and get shit-faced. Simple as that.

She was fine.

——>

Y/N was not fine.

Three tequila shots later, Y/N found herself dancing with some random guy she didn’t care to know. His hands roamed her frame, paying extra attention to her hips and the thick curve of her ass. She didn’t mind that, (being five tequila shots in), but what she did mind was the feeling of his lips on her neck. It gave her goosebumps, and not in a good way.

“Stop, please,” She slurred out, grabbing his hands and pulling them away from her ass in case he didn’t hear her from the music that had gotten ten times louder over the past two hours.

The feeling on her neck wouldn’t stop, and she let out a huff of annoyance before attempting to turn her body around to face this guy, but stopped mid-turn at the feeling of his hands sharply turning her hips to where she was back in the same position as before. She frowned, attempting to grab his hands again to throw them off, but failed to do so.

The guy’s hands traveled up her waist and towards her breasts, pulling her even closer, “S-stop,” She let out again, trying to wiggle her way out of his grasp, and he let out a moan when she accidentally pushed back onto his dick.

“Hey!” A voice yelled over the music, making Y/N glance up to see that Minho was approaching them. “Get the fuck off, dude. She’s obviously uncomfortable.”

The guy scoffed, and before he could say anything Minho had grabbed her hands and easily pulled her off of him. Y/N grinned, immediately wrapping her arms around his waist. “Minnie! I’m so happy to see you! Did you see me dancing? Did I improve any?”

Minho hugged her back, glaring at the back of the guy’s head that must have decided he couldn’t care less about the situation and started walking away. “Yep, I did. And yep, you did. Did you take more shots?” He replied, pulling her body off of his to look into her eyes, immediately seeing that she was—in fact—shit-faced.

“Yes! I dunno how many though. Maybe like two? I stopped counting,” She giggled, swaying back and forth slightly in attempt to keep her balance. Minho sighed, checking his watch on his wrist to see that it was nearing midnight. “Let’s go get you some water and sit down for a bit.” He spoke, gently grabbing her forearm and leading her towards the bar.

“I don’t need any water, silly willy. I’m fine.” Y/N slurred out, stumbling a bit when she had accidentally knocked into a couple dancing. Minho let out a groan when catching her before she could fall, and Y/N giggled.

“I’m fine, my ass. I about broke my fucking back trying to protect your head from the floor.” Minho stated with a slightly annoyed huff, but nevertheless ended up getting them safely to the bar and immediately pushed Y/N into one of the chairs. He ordered a large glass of ice water, pulling out his phone to send a text to Felix to see where he was at and if he should take her home or not.

Y/N leaned back into the chair, half-lidded eyes roaming the dance floor, doing a double take when seeing a couple making out near the wall towards the back.

“Wait, you’re serious?”

Y/N sighed quietly, flipping the page of the biology textbook and highlighting the sentence about ribosomes, attempting to ignore the question. She could feel his stare on her, and it was starting to make her sweat a little. She sighed again when realizing he wasn’t going to look away. “Yes, Hyunjin. 100% serious.”

Hyunjin scrunched his eyebrows, face displaying a total look of disbelief as he looked at her like she had grown two heads.

“Why do you look so shocked? You know guys avoid me like the plague.”

“I don’t.”

“You don’t count.”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, “Whatever. Back to the important thing here, I can’t believe you’re 18 and haven’t made out with anyone before. What happened to Noah?”

“Nothing. He ditched me for Kassi at prom. Apparently he just wanted to go with me to make her jealous. And it worked, because I got called a slut and laughed at by all her friends while she made out with him near the punch bowl.”

Hyunjin winced, “Wait, what? Why didn’t you come get me? Or tell me? We could’ve went and gotten McDonalds instead.”

“I wasn’t going to ruin your night. It’s fine. Seriously, it’s not a big deal.” She replied, picking her highlighter back up to continue skimming the paragraph in the textbook. His eyes were still on her and Y/N shifted slightly. She hated when he stared at her like that because it made her nervous, and it was getting more difficult to not show it the older they got.

Hyunjin was probably thinking that she was lame for not having her first make-out session with anyone and was probably thinking how to make her feel less embarrassed about the situation. But really, he should’ve known. Y/N was never the kind to just get up and kiss anybody and Hyunjin knew that. She doesn’t know why he seemed so shocked at that fact, or why he wasn’t laughing yet.

Wait, why wasn’t he laughing?

“Do you want to quiz each other?” Y/N asked in attempt to ease her nerves and change the topic of the conversation. He was probably starting to feel sorry for her and she was starting to get a little embarrassed. It didn’t help that he wouldn’t stop starring at her, either. “I can go first. Just flip to the practice questions at the back of the chapter and read them off—“

“We can make-out, if you want.”

Y/N stopped mid-sentence at his comment, mouth closing then opening, then closing again. Her ears must be deceiving her because there was no way he just suggested a make-out session with her.

“What?” She asked, hoping she had heard him wrong, but by the look on his face, she was starting to think that she didn’t.

“I said we can make-out if you want to,” Hyunjin replied, unfazed. He was so unbothered by the suggestion that Y/N was still having trouble comprehending that he had even offered this in the first place.

He must have saw the look on her face, rolling his eyes slightly before letting out a, “You’re acting like we haven’t kissed before. It’s just making out.”

“A couple experimental pecks when we were younger doesn’t count as kissing!” Y/N exclaimed with a squeak, cringing at the sound of her voice. She knew she was getting so red right now and wanted to hide under her blankets. “And—and, you’re acting like this is just so casual! Like we make-out all the time! Is this some kind of joke? Are you just saying this to make fun of me? Because it isn’t funny, and… and… you can’t just sit there and nonchalantly offer to make-out with me! Like, won’t that be—“

“Do you want to suck faces with me or not?” Hyunjin interrupted her small rant, and Y/N choked. “Look, it’s really not a big deal. I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable, and it won’t make things awkward. I’ve literally taken a shit in the same bathroom while you’ve showered before. I’m not making fun of you. I’m just saying I’m down to be your first. Maybe I can give you some pointers so you’re more confident when the situation comes up again with another guy. That’s all.”

Y/N pursed her lips, glancing down at her hands, then back towards his face. He looked so sincere, and his hair was slightly grazing his eyes. Y/N wanted to reach out and push it back. “Okay.” She quietly stated, and Hyunjin’s eyes widened slightly, not expecting her to agree.

“Okay,” He had replied even quieter, gently grabbing the textbook from her lap and placing it on the floor and out of the way. Once there was no more barriers between them, he had scooted closer to her, the bed creaking slightly as he did so. Y/N could feel her heart beating out of her chest, wondering if Hyunjin’s was doing the same.

“I’m going to kiss you now. I’ll start slow,” He softly spoke, words sounding like honey, dripping down and down until his voice was the only thing she could hear. She nodded slightly, and he glanced at her lips. She licked them impulsively, and his eyes shot back up to her own. She took in a breath when feeling his hand lightly graze the side of her face, his gaze so intense that it had her tremble slightly from the anticipation.

And then his lips were on hers.

Soft. That was the first thing that came to her mind. His lips were so soft and so plush against hers that she was starting to struggle to breathe. And to move her own.

He pulled away, “You’re not kissing me back.”

Y/N was sure her face resembled a fucking tomato at this point, wanting to slap herself for getting too caught up in the feeling of his lips that she forgot to move. “Right, uh, s-sorry.”

“S’fine,” He smirked in response, a teasing glint in his eyes, and Y/N wanted to slap herself again. “I’m gonna do it again. Just follow my lead, okay? And if you wanna stop, tell me.”

Y/N nodded nervously, and Hyunjin’s lips twitched slightly. He grabbed her hands, placing them on his shoulders so she wouldn’t feel so awkward, and Y/N gulped from the feeling. Sure, he was still scrawny, but he had started working out, and Y/N definitely noticed.

He smiled at her, and before Y/N could blurt out that she couldn’t do it, his lips were on hers again.

This time, it felt different.

They were still soft, but they were also wet. She moved her lips slowly against his, following his lead like he said, and she could taste him. He tasted like the strawberries he had earlier and like heaven. Y/N didn’t want to stop.

She didn’t want him to stop, letting out a whine once he disconnected their lips.

Her face immediately got red and she wanted to slap herself for the fourth time. Hyunjin’s eyes widened slightly at the noise, pupils blown, and Y/N clinched, hoping he wouldn’t notice.

He did. And he leaned in again.

This time, it was all tongue and teeth. It was messy and it was rough. Y/N let out a moan when his hand softly gripped her thigh, and he moved it up to her waist, giving it a squeeze. It was fast and it was hot, and Y/N wasn’t even struggling to keep up because she was so worked up.

This was her and it was Hyunjin. Her sweet Hyunjin, who offered to help her learn to kiss so she wouldn’t embarrass herself with someone else later on. Her considerate Hyunjin, who made sure she wasn’t uncomfortable. Her sensual Hyunjin, who slid his tongue into her mouth, hands traveling back to her thighs before dipping in between them, grazing her clothed core briefly.

Y/N let out a soft moan at the feeling of his hand briefly touching her through her leggings, hands impulsively coming up to grip at his hair, tugging him even closer to her. He let out a groan, breaking the kiss briefly to re-adjust his body, leaning her back onto the bed so he could tower over her more comfortably.

She spread her legs as she felt his body weight on top of her and he bit his lip as he noticed that. Y/N felt embarrassed at their new position and at the fact that she was probably acting like a virgin who had never been touched before, but that’s exactly what she was, so she didn’t care. Instead, she grabbed his face, bringing him down to connect their lips again for the fourth time.

Kissing him and being with him like this ignited something within her. The feeling of his lips on hers, his body pressing into hers, his hands on her. It was her, and it was Hyunjin.

Her hips lifted up slightly, grazing his dick in his sweatpants, and Y/N whined when he groaned loudly at the feeling. She did it again intentionally, wanting to hear him make that sound again and to feel him on her again. He roughly bit her lip in response, almost as if he was sending a warning, before disconnecting their lips, a string of spit following him as he leaned his head back.

“Maybe another time for that, yeah?” He spoke, voice seeming ten times deeper with a little rasp to it, and Y/N’s legs squeezed around his lower half at the sound.

“A-another time? Aren’t you supposed to be teaching me how to k-kiss?” Her words came out in breaths, the legs wrapped around his body not loosening their grip.

The corner of his mouth twitched in amusement, “Yeah. And I did.”

One of his hands trailed up her right leg slowly, inching its way in between her thigh. He smirked teasingly, “I think you just lied to me, by the way. I think you’ve kissed a bunch of guys and just didn’t tell me.”

Y/N opened her mouth to let out a snarky response, but no words came out. It seemed she had finally came to her senses about their current position, immediately loosening her legs from his body, wondering what the hell had just happened and how she even got to be like this. She was embarrassed and extremely turned on, and the way Hyunjin was looking at her was enough to make her want to cover her face in hopes that she would disappear. So she did.

She could hear Hyunjin laughing, and she groaned in embarrassment. “Stop laughing at me! You’re so annoying!”

He rolled off of her, plopping down beside her on his bed before reaching up to gently pry her hands off of her face. Her face was red, eyes refusing to make eye contact. He rolled his eyes, “Stop being so shy. I’m not laughing at you, it’s just this whole situation was funny. And I’m laughing because you are a total fucking liar. What happened to pinky promises?”

“Funny? Nothing about this situation was funny! I’m not a liar, you idiot. I was following your lead like you asked me to. And now you’re sitting here laughing thinking this was funny and I’m frustrated now because you’re not even—“ Her eyes widened at where she was going with this, mouth immediately closing, wanting to go to the bathroom and vomit when realizing what she was about to say to him. He seemed to catch on to it, too, eyes intently starring at her, trailing their way down her body and back up to her face.

He smirked again, eye brows raising in amusement, his eyes holding a certain glint to them, “Well we can’t have you frustrated, can we?”

Y/N groaned again, giving him a shove before sitting up to grab the textbook off the floor, plopping it back onto the bed. “Shut up! Stop being so annoying and quiz me before I leave and never come back.”

“You would never. You love me too much.”

“Y/N?” A voice was heard, sounding slightly frantic. Y/N could feel her eyes watering, lip quivering, the music around her sounding muffled and estranged. “I know I’ve been asking this a lot, but are you… okay?”

Her vision started to get even more blurry. Her throat started to tighten up. The muffled sounds seemed to grow more faint.

And then she was crying.

Minho’s eyes widened, immediately moving to stand in front of her, hands gently grabbing her shoulders, “Shit, you’re definitely not okay. What’s wrong? Was it that prick from earlier? Did he do something? Do I need to beat somebody’s ass?”

“I miss him,” She cried, tears falling down and down and down, her make-up running down her face, eyes so empty. She hasn’t cried like this in months, and the tears just would not stop. They were flowing out like a river, and she would keep adding to that river if that meant he could finally come back to her.

“Who? Felix?” Minho asked, stressed as fuck. He has never seen her cry like this in the two years he has known her and simply did not know what he should do. He had texted Felix earlier and didn’t get a response, so now he was kind of freaking out, not the one to be big on comforting people.

“H-Hyunjin.” She choked out, words sounding foreign on her lips as she has not spoken his name out loud since her freshman year of college almost four years ago. Her heart tightened in her chest, letting out another loud sob, “Hyunjin. I-I miss him. I miss him so much.”

Minho didn’t even bother to ask who Hyunjin was, knowing it would just make things worse. Instead, he pulled out his phone, sending Felix another frantic text to GET HIS ASS OVER HERE ASAP.

“I miss him. I miss him s-so much.” The sobs were not stopping, and Y/N kept repeating the same words over and over again like she was in some trance. Minho couldn’t take it anymore, pulling her into his body, arms wrapping around her gently and protectively.

“Shh, it’s okay,” He whispered in her ear, one of his hands coming up to rub at her head soothingly, “It’s okay, Y/N. You’re okay.”

Y/N’s arms wrapped around his waist, holding him tighter. Her sobs were now being muffled in his dress shirt, tears flowing out and most likely ruining his shirt with her makeup, but he let her hold him, and he held her.

“Fuck, I didn’t see your texts until like two minutes ago,” A voice yelled over the music, and Minho looked to his side to see that Felix had finally shown up, panting slightly from sprinting over here, “What happened?”

“She’s calling out for Hyunjin,” Minho replied, voice getting intentionally quieter when saying his name, “I didn’t know what to do. She seems pretty fucking upset, and she’s wasted, too. I think she needs to go home.”

“Fuck,” Felix sighed, walking closer to Y/N, hand touching her shoulder, “Y/N, hey. It’s me.”

She lifted her head up, “Lix?”

“Yeah, it’s me. Can you grab onto me? I’m going to take you home so you can lay down and relax, okay? It’s been a long week for you.”

Y/N nodded with a hiccup, leaning out of Minho’s grasp and into Felix. He quickly put her arm around his shoulder, his arm circling around her waist, standing her up from the chair carefully. He looked at Minho, “Thank you for taking care of her. I’ll text when we’re back home.”

“Yeah, no problem. I’ll tell the others she got sick or something and had to go home.”

Felix nodded appreciatively, double checking to make sure he had her purse with him before walking slowly to the exit of the bar. Many stumbles and almost falls later, he had managed to get them both to his car in one piece, opening the passenger side door and carefully easing her into the seat, buckling her up before jogging to get into the drivers seat. Once he got in, he reached behind him to grab the plastic bag he kept in here in case Minho ever rode back with him from a night out, opening it and placing it into her lap.

“Here. If you feel like you might get sick, throw up in this bag.” He stated, not wanting another repeat of someone throwing up on his leather seats. His car had smelled like the seafood Minho devoured for a whole week, and he did not want to go through that torture again.

Y/N nodded, hiccuping again, tears still flowing down her cheeks, but not near as bad as earlier. She had calmed down some just from being in Felix’s presence, but her heart still ached and her head felt heavy. She was broken, and doesn’t think she would ever be fixed.

The ride back home was quiet. It had started to drizzle, and Y/N was watching the rain drops slowly falling on the window, the lights from the streets reflecting a glow on them. She watched them fall, drip down and down until the next one took its place, wondering if it was raining wherever he was. Was he watching the rain, too? Did he feel just as empty as she did?

Did he think of her when the stars were out?

The rain had started coming down harder now, just as they had pulled into the apartment complex. Felix turned the car off once he parked, a slightly awkward tension in the air, and Y/N sniffled, eyes still drawn to the rain.

“I miss him.” She whispered, voice slightly hoarse.

“I know,” Felix whispered back, glancing down to her hands, noticing they were slightly shaking. He gently placed a hand on top of hers and she let out a shaky breath.

Felix knew it all. He couldn’t understood the pain she felt, but he understood why she was in so much pain. Very rarely did she get like this in front of him. She has only had an episode like this three times about him the years Felix has known her, the first time being the worst.

They had met in Psychology their first year at university. Felix had complained about how their professor sounded like an absolute tool, and Y/N had agreed. It went from talking shit about their professor, to bonding over Mexican food, to watching movies in each other’s dorm. It was a quick-forming friendship—it was something they both needed without realizing.

Then, the party came along.

Felix’s frat had thrown a party like they did pretty much every weekend, and he had finally convinced Y/N to come. She showed up, he introduced her to his frat brothers, they danced, they drank, and next thing they know, they are stumbling into an empty bedroom, falling down on the bed and taking each other’s clothes off.

It all happened so fast. Felix was throwing his shirt over his head, Y/N was straddling him, and then she was riding him. It felt good, and it was what she thought she needed. But before they could both finish, Y/N was crying. And Felix was no longer interested in chasing his release.

He pulled her off of him and she had started sobbing harder. He remembers seeing how broken she looked, how defeated she looked. It was just too soon for her, and he wasn’t Hyunjin. He just wasn’t her Hyunjin.

Felix had held her and she had told him everything. Hyunjin and her growing up together, going through every phase of their lives together, him taking her virginity the night of their high school graduation, and then leaving her without a trace not even a day after.

He could not understand her pain, but he understood why she carried it with her. That’s why tonight, he said nothing more.

“I always thought it would get easier over the years. I thought I would get over it, get over him, but I can’t,” She whispered, once he had helped clean her up in the shower and got her ready for bed. She had sobered up a bit from all the crying and the water Felix had made her drink, eyes focusing on the window in her bedroom. It was still raining. “Everything reminds me of him. I just miss him so much. I want to hate him, but I can’t. I really can’t.”

And Felix let her talk and cry until she finally passed out, pulling her closer to him with her back against his front. It was beginning to thunder now, and the lightening lit up the room.

Y/N was not fine. She doesn’t think she’d ever be.

——>

The next morning came quickly.

Y/N had woken up to a screeching meow by her ear and something soft tickling her cheek. She opened her eyes groggily, barely being able to see what was currently rubbing against her face due to her eyes being so swollen and dry from all the crying she did. She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hands, vision getting clearer, finally spotting the culprit.

It was a cat. But not just any cat, it was Soonie. And his owner was standing at the door, smiling creepily down at Y/N, letting out a, “Finally you’re awake! I brought your favorite kitty over to give you some cuddles!”

Y/N blinked. She looked at Soonie who was now purring and rubbing against her hand in attempts of letting her know he wanted her to pet him, and then she looked at Minho, still creepily smiling by the door.

“What… What the fuck?” She croaked out, cringing when her voice came out raspy, sounding like she had smoked ten packs a day.

“I told you not to wake her up yet,” Felix grumbled, walking into her bedroom and shoving past Minho. He set a glass of water down on the bedside table and an Ibuprofen, sitting down on the bed beside her. “Morning, sleepyhead. Minho brought us some bagels. And, strangely enough, his cat.”

“She loves him. And he missed her.” Minho retorted, walking over to pat Soonie on the head. Y/N couldn’t argue with that statement, smiling softly at the fact that Minho was being so nice this morning. However, the smile quickly turned into a frown when she realized the reasoning, a heavy feeling of embarrassment and dread overcoming her.

“I’m… I’m sorry you had to see me like that last night,” She quietly spoke, hand scratching underneath Soonie’s chin as she avoided eye contact. “I don’t know what got into me. I think it’s because I’ve just been working so much lately and I haven’t been getting any sleep, really. I’m just… it was really embarrassing. And I’m sorry if I made you feel awkward or uncomfortable. Both of you.”

Felix and Minho shared a look and Feix grabbed the glass of water and Ibuprofen, handing it out to her. “Here, go ahead and take this.”

Y/N took the pill first, placing it in her mouth before slowly bringing the water to her lips. She took a few gulps, wincing slightly when handing the glass back to him. Her head was fucking pounding.

“Don’t apologize, Y/N. You didn’t make either of us uncomfortable. We’re your friends and we’re always going to take care of you.” Felix softly spoke, and Y/N smiled gently. Neither of them didn’t ask any questions or press the situation further, and she really appreciated that.

“Want me to bring you a bagel?” Minho asked as Soonie curled up into her side.

Y/N nodded, “Yeah, please. I honestly don’t think I can move to come downstairs right now.”

“Everything bagel with low-fat cream cheese coming right up!”

——>

Y/N was tired.

She woke up to her alarm going off at 1600, groaning in annoyance at the god-forsaken radar sound on her iPhone that never failed to put her in a terrible mood. She had worked the night before and got home from the hospital around 0815, showering and eating some of the pancakes Felix had made her before he had went to work that morning. He had left them in the fridge with a note giving precise instructions on how to heat them up so they could maintain that slight crisp on the edges, and she followed them to a tee, slicing up a banana to throw on top of them as well. They were delicious and put her in a much better mood, as the shift she had quite literally made her second guess her life decisions.

After eating her breakfast, she slowly walked up the stairs and into her bedroom, feeling so exhausted that she didn’t even feel like showering. But she made herself, not knowing what kinds of fluids and germs she had lingering on her scrubs, stripping them off and throwing them into the washing machine as she waited for the hot water to start steaming up the bathroom. The smell of eucalyptus flooded her senses once she stepped into the shower, immediately helping her relax. Minho had bought her some to hang over her shower head because he saw everyone using it on Tiktok and thought that she could benefit from it somehow. It smelled nice and it made her bathroom look a little more minimalistic in some way, so she kept it. And she hasn’t taken it down since.

She finally fell asleep around 1000, sound machine on and blackout curtains closed. It was honestly one of the best sleeps she has gotten in awhile, which was why she was more pissed than usual when her alarm went off, pressing the snooze button before falling back asleep. However, that only lasted a few minutes before her phone started ringing, and she groaned again before picking it up.

“Hello?” She croaked out.

“Good, you’re awake,” Felix’s voice flooded through the phone, “You told me to call you at precisely four-thirty, so here I am. Sleep well?”

“Slept great, actually. I want to suffocate myself in these pillows.”

“Please don’t do that,” He laughed, and Y/N could hear a car door closing on the other side of the phone. “I’m leaving work and heading to our place. Minho said he’s picking us up around seven to take us to that club.”

And fuck, Y/N had almost forgotten about that. Minho had asked them last weekend if they would be interested in going with him to this nightclub to hang out and meet his—as Felix calls them—celebrity friend and his band mates before the festival. Apparently they have been back in LA for a few days now and decided to rent out the entire club the night before the festival. Minho was so hyped about it and seemed like he really wanted Y/N and Felix to meet his friend, so they both agreed. And now Y/N was dreading it a little.

“Y/N? You didn’t fall back asleep, did you?”

“No, I’m here,” She replied, sighing into the complete darkness in her bedroom. She really wanted to go back to sleep but she knew if she slept any longer she wouldn’t be able to go to sleep later tonight, and then her sleep schedule would be more fucked up than it already is. Perks of working on night shift.

“You know we don’t have to go tonight, right?” He asked, the clicking of his turning signal going off in the background. “If you want to stay home, I’m sure Minho would understand. Don’t feel obligated.”

“No, it’s fine. I think it would be fun to meet some new people. Just don’t let me drink a lot this time.” She let out a laugh.

“You sure?”

Y/N rolled her eyes, “Yes, Lix. I’m sure. It’ll be fun.”

“Whatever you say,” He replied and Y/N let out a huff at his response, “You don’t have to worry about me so much, you know?”

“I know. You just haven’t gotten that bad in awhile. It’s natural for me to worry, you know? I just wanna look after you.”

“And I appreciate it, I really do. But I promise I’ll be fine. I think it’ll be fun to meet Minho’s celebrity friend and his celebrity friends. A bunch of celebrities!”

Felix chuckled at her comment, letting out a, “Right. I’ll be home in ten.”

The line ended, and Y/N let out a long sigh. The idea of who exactly Minho’s friend was came into her mind, and she brought her phone out to google the name of the band he was in, staring at the search bar as she tried to remember what they were called. Stay, something? Slay?

Oh well, she thought to herself upon realizing that she couldn’t remember what the band was called, locking her phone and tossing it to the side of her bed. She would find out in a few hours, anyway.

After about thirty more minutes of self-loathing, Y/N finally managed to get out of bed, dragging herself into her bathroom to pee and brush her teeth. She cringed when catching a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror, hair sticking up in all sorts of directions. Some parts were still wet from her being too exhausted to dry it before she went to sleep and she groaned at the thought of having to blow dry it. It simply took way too long and her hair was naturally thick and curly, resembling a giant poof ball if any and all forms of heated air came near it. The Dyson Minho bought her helped some, but she still had to go over it afterwards with a curling iron or a straightener. Minho was constantly buying her and Felix stuff they didn’t necessarily need, but she appreciated him nonetheless.

After brushing her teeth, using the bathroom, and going through her entire skin care routine, she went to her closet to attempt to find an outfit that could fit the vibe tonight. Her closet mainly consisted of neutral colors, so really she just needed to decide if she wanted to wear pants or a dress. She bit the inside of her cheek, eyes scanning her clothes rack intensely. She caught sight of the many cocktail dresses she had towards the back, deciding to just wear the black one that already had a built in bra in it so she could go braless. It was simple, short, and sexy with a v-neck, and it showed off her curves nicely. She’d only worn it a few times (all times being at one of Minho’s business parties) and she remembered all the complements she had received each time. She decided that she deserved to feel sexy for one night, and if somebody wanted to take her home tonight, so be it. It was time for her to move on. Or to attempt to, at least.

The sound of the front door opening caught her attention as she took the dress out of her closet to hang up on the door handle, bending down to grab a pair of her black stilettos. As she was standing back up, her bedroom door opened, and the smell of chocolate chip cookies flooded her senses.

“That smells heavenly,” She moaned out once she turned around to see that Felix had—what appeared to be—a fresh batch of cookies in a little bag. She knew it was from his bakery as she caught sight of the little yellow duck logo with the Bbokkari’s Bakery underneath.

Felix let out a chuckle, “I just made a couple before I left work. I figured you could use a little pick me up from your terrible shifts you had this week.”

“You are simply the best,” She smiled in response, walking over to give him a quick kiss on the cheek, grabbing the bag from his hands and eagerly taking a bite out of one of the six cookies, “These get better every-time I try them, seriously. And my shifts weren’t terrible, they can just be really draining. It’s been getting a lot lately.”

Felix smiled at her comment, eyes softening slightly, “Want to talk about it?”

“Not really. Just really need to have some self care days for myself. This festival and all should be pretty refreshing for me.”

Felix hummed in response, eyes shifting over to the pair of heels on the floor and the dress hanging up. “Is that what you’re wearing tonight?”

Y/N nodded, mouth full of cookie as she hurriedly swallowed, “Yeah, does it look okay? You think I need to dress down some? I didn’t know what the vibe was gonna be, but we’re going to be in a room with celebrities so I wanted to, you know, look nice and not let them think Minho’s friends are slobs when he always looks like a freaking YSL model.”

Felix laughed, stepping more into the room to steal a cookie from the bag. The smell was getting too tempting. “No, I think that’s good. I was literally going to wear the same suit I wore to Minho’s business parties.”

“Yep, that’s where this dress is from.”

“I knew I recognized it from somewhere.”

They both broke out in a fit of giggles, happily munching on their cookies, and Y/N snorted out a, “We’re just some broke bitches, aren’t we?” which made them laugh even harder. Felix suddenly started coughing, patting his chest repeatedly, and Y/N mumbled out a, “oh shit!” before walking behind him to give his back a few heavy slaps. He finally calmed down, tears springing his eyes from the laughing and almost choking and Y/N let out another laugh.

“Yeah, let me leave before you actually make me suck down a piece of chocolate chip cookie and I can’t breathe.”

“Good idea.”

Almost two hours later, Y/N was stood facing her bathroom mirror, hair straightened and put into a slick back ponytail, makeup on. She looked okay, she supposed, hands trailing down from her waist and landing on her hips. The dress was tight, hugging her in all the right places, and she turned to the side to check out her ass, hands trailing over it briefly.

“Damn,” A voice startled her, and she jumped slightly before turning her head to see that Minho had walked into the room. “Checking yourself out, are you? I don’t blame you. You look hot, Y/N.”

Y/N scoffed with a grin, “You’ve seen me in this exact dress about three times before.”

“And it gets better each time.” He smirked in response, making Y/N laugh as she turned her bathroom light off and shoved past him to head back into her bedroom. She bent down slightly to grab the pair of heels before sitting down on her bed, putting them on.

“I know I say this every time you’re in a dress, but as your friend, I just have to. You look so hot. And your ass is so—“

“Are you harassing her again?” Felix spoke, leaning against the bedroom door with his arms crossed.

“Me? Never!” Minho gasped, giving Felix a look as he glanced over him from head to toe, “You look hot too, I guess.”

Felix rolled his eyes, and Y/N giggled, standing up once she had both heels on her feet. She walked to her closet to pull out her Gucci purse she had bought as a treat for herself recently, sliding it on her right arm before turning to face Felix and Minho. They were both starring at her, and Y/N glanced at both of them a couples times before letting out a, “What?”

“You’re just so hot. Honestly. Have you ever considered maybe—“

“Would you shut up? Geez, you need to get laid tonight or something.” Felix interrupted Minho again, and Minho scoffed in reply, “Well, if you haven’t noticed, I’m trying to. Just kidding, Y/N. You know I respect you and our friendship. Unless…?”

Y/N giggled again, shaking her head back and forth in disbelief before walking over to Minho, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek, “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

Minho smirked, and Y/N then did the same to Felix, making sure to pinch his cheek afterwards for good measures. He hates that.

“Are we all ready to go, then?” Minho asked, straightening up his suit in Y/N’s floor length mirror briefly. They let out a choruses of yes’s, and then headed out towards Minho’s car.

“I can drive us home tonight. I’m not planning on drinking much at all.” Y/N spoke once she sat in the passenger side and buckled herself in. Felix was in the back, per usual, following suit.

“If that’s what you want, sure. I was planning on calling one of my assistants to come drive us back, though.”

“It’s fine. I don’t need to drink a lot. We all know how that turned out last time.” Y/N replied with a small laugh. She saw Minho glance at her from the corner of her eye.

“Are you… do you want to talk about it?” Minho asked in a soft voice, and Y/N immediately regretted the comment she made.

“No,” She softly replied, glancing out the window. She saw Felix in the side-mirror, eyes sharp as he glared at the back of Minho’s head. She let out a sigh, “I appreciate it, but no. It’s just a lot and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I just don’t want to drink much. That makes it worse for me.”

“I didn’t mean to bring it up, sorry. I just wanted to check in. I’m here if you need me. We both are.” He replied, glancing at Felix who was still glaring at him from the back seat. Y/N let out a hum of appreciation, leaning over to give his thigh a little squeeze to let him know she hears him.

Of course, Y/N knew that, and she appreciated it, but Minho doesn’t know. And she simply does not feel like talking about it. It’s not that she doesn’t trust him or feels uncomfortable with him, it’s just a lot for her to pour out every detail of her pathetic heartbreak to someone again.

It’s been years. Yet, she still can’t get over it. And it’s embarrassing, to say the least.

She hates it, and she hates herself for it.

Thirty minutes of throwback R&B songs later, they pulled up to the club, and Y/N thinks she has never seen a club so fancy before. Minho pulled around, cutting down the music slightly as a worker came up to his window. He rolled it down to converse with the guy as Y/N scrolled on her phone, not paying much attention. The car started moving again once Minho let out a, “Thanks man!” and he rolled the window back up.

“He knows my father. He was just checking to make sure we weren’t some obsessed fans or some shit. Told me to pull around towards the back and they’re going to park the car for us.” Minho said, pulling up towards the Valet parking seconds after. “Just a heads up, have your ID’s ready and be prepared to get pat down and have every single pocket checked. We will also have to sign a form before we go in.”

“What is this, an airport?” Felix scoffed out, unbuckling his seat belt and adjusting his button up.

Minho rolled his eyes, “It’s a celebrity party and we aren’t celebrities. It’s expected.”

“You’re more of one than we are.” Y/N mumbled, digging through her purse to pull out her ID. She was starting to get pretty nervous, and Minho could tell, leaning over towards her. “Hey, it’s fine. They’re just people, alright? I’m really excited for you guys to meet Chan. He’s awesome.”

Y/N smiled back just as someone in a ridiculously expensive suit tapped on the car window. She jumped slightly at the sound, and Minho smirked, flicking his head towards the entrance behind them, “Let’s go!”

Getting into the club was stressful. Y/N was stumbling over her feet, hands shaking slightly as she spoke with the security guards, holding in her breath as she quite literally got felt up by another security guard even though she had zero pockets on her dress. She let out a sigh of relief when they finally all got cleared, hands tightly wrapping around Felix’s arm once they got inside.

“Does this happen every time non-celebrities come to these things?” Y/N asked, feet trying to keep up with Felix’s as his tried to keep up with a very eager Minho who was basically sprinting down the hallway.

“Yep. When I’m with my father it isn’t as bad, though. I’ve only been to a couple of celebrity outings by myself.” He replied, rounding a corner to what Y/N assumed was the bar area.

It went from walking through an empty hallway, to entering a room with what seemed like a hundred people. There was music playing fairly loud, a playlist of some R&B, and the place smelled heavily of weed. Y/N scrunched her nose, glancing towards Felix who was looking around the place in awe, then at Minho who was currently talking with the bartender. When did he even walk up there?

Minutes later he came back up to them with two drinks in his hands, handing one to Felix. “Here. I got you a drink. It’s tequila sour.”

Felix scrunched his nose, “Tequila already? You know this shit makes me feral.”

“Exactly. Y/N’s our DD tonight, anyway. Drink up, blondie.”

Felix rolled his eyes, grabbing the drink anyway and taking a sip. His eyes widened, letting out a, “Shit, Y/N, you gotta take a sip. This is some high brand tequila.”

“I think I might throw up if I taste any kind of tequila right now.” Y/N replied, and Minho chuckled, taking a gulp of his beer. Y/N glanced around her again, seeing that multiple people were on the dance floor grinding on each other, others were in corners smoking weed or socializing with alcohol in their hands, and then there were people like her and Felix who were just standing around looking so out of place. Everyone here looked expensive and at home, while they most definitely did not. Y/N could feel the nerves coming back in, and she gripped Felix’s arm even tighter, but he didn’t notice, eyes glancing around the place in awe with the straw from his drink hanging out of his mouth.

“I just texted Chan and told him we were by the bar. He should be here soon,” Minho spoke with a wide grin, a happy sigh leaving his mouth as he looked around the place, “I am so ready to get shit-faced. You guys want some pot? Chan can get us some.”

“No thanks.”

“Hell yeah.”

Y/N and Felix looked at each other once answering at the same time, Felix’s eyes wide and glistening from the mention of free weed. “You guys really are two peas in a pod, aren’t you? Answering at the same time and shit,” Minho chuckled, and Y/N sighed. “Lix, I can get us some. Y/N, what about an edible? I know you only said no because you hate smoking shit.”

Felix’s eyes widened even more in excitement, letting out a, “Yes! Get her some. She needs it so she can relax for once.”

“I am relaxed!”

“You’re most definitely not. You’re cutting off my circulation with your freakishly insane grip you have on my arm. It doesn’t have to be a lot, just a tiny bit to loosen up some.” Felix replied, eyes softening slightly when seeing the slightly annoyed look on her face, “Or you don’t have to! I can get you a coke from the bar and you can happily sip on that. I bet they have coke zero.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, and before she could reply, she heard Minho’s name being yelled, looking up in surprise to see a guy dressed in all black walking towards them with his arms spread outwards. Minho let out a loud laugh, meeting the guy halfway and embracing him in a hug. Y/N and Felix shared a look, and Y/N whispered out a, “Is that famous bestie Chan?”

“I think so,” Felix whispered back, taking another sip of his drink, and Y/N took the time to observe the guy while they had their little moment.

He wasn’t super tall, but was built nicely. He had one small hoop earring in his right ear and another on his nose. His arms were covered in a variety of tattoos, a silver chain hanging around his neck. The shirt he had on was tight, and Y/N could tell that he definitely worked out.

“Let me introduce you to my friends!” Minho suddenly yelled out, leading them over towards where Felix and Y/N stood. They immediately stood up straight, and Felix cleared his throat briefly when noticing they were heading towards them rather quickly.

“Chan, this is Felix and Y/N. They’re my friends from uni,” Minho introduced them with a wide grin on his face, “And this is Chan, my buddy from home.”

Felix was the first to speak, wasting no time in extending his free hand out towards Chan, which he took quickly, “It’s so nice to meet you! Minho here has told us a lot about you.” He grinned, and Y/N stifled a laugh, knowing that the only time Minho had even mentioned he had a celebrity friend was last week. He’s a private person.

“Yeah, man, it’s nice to meet you, too! Any friend of Minho’s is always a friend of mine.” Chan smiled, and Y/N found herself doing the same. His smile was just contagious.

“And it’s nice to meet you, as well,” He adverted his attention over to Y/N, and she blushed slightly when he planted a small kiss on the back of her hand. “Thank you guys for coming. I hope you’re excited for the festival tomorrow. Hopefully we don’t disappoint.”

“You could never! We’re stoked to get to go!” Felix replied way too enthusiastically, and Y/N had to refrain from rolling her eyes, “We’ve actually never been to a metal-type festival, so we’re pretty excited to see you guys perform. I know Minho definitely is.”

Minho rolled his eyes teasingly while Chan laughed, “Yeah, it isn’t for everyone, but I hope you genuinely enjoy it.”

Y/N, realizing she hasn’t spoken a word since Chan arrived, opened her mouth to give some input to the conversation, when another guy interrupted her by stumbling into their little circle, arm settling over Chan’s back. “There you are! I’ve got some people looking for you. Wanna know if you want to do some body shots.” He loudly spoke, taking a long sip out of his glass in his hand.

“Perfect timing, I was trying to find you earlier so I could introduce you to Minho and his friends,” Chan replied, patting the guy’s chest briefly to catch his attention. The guy’s eyes widened slightly, letting out a, “Oh, shit, sorry! I’m Changbin. The sexiest from the group.”

“As if,” Chan scoffed out, shoving him to the side lightly, “More like the loudest.”

“Think you’re forgetting about Jisung over there.” Changbin pointed out, nodding his head over towards, supposedly, Jisung who was currently doing a body shot on some girl in a lingerie set, yelling extremely loud once he finished, voice being heard very clearly over the booming of the music and the many cheers.

Chan winced slightly, “Don’t remind me.”

Minho laughed before conversing with Changbin, who she noticed was also wearing all black, letting out a, “I guess I picked the right color to wear tonight.”

Chan quickly look Y/N over from head to toe, letting out a smirk, “You did. You all did. Black just matches everything, you know? You look great, too.”

Y/N smiled, letting out a small thank you, and Chan smiled back warmly in response before walking over to drape his arm over the back of Minho, “So you’ve met Changbin and got an unforesaken glimpse of Jisung, so now I just have to find the other one. He’s probably on the dance floor somewhere. Let me buy you guys a round of drinks and introduce you to some others.”

Felix’s eyes lightened up at the mention of free drinks, quickly chugging down his and letting out a loud sigh once he finished. “Damn, slow down.” Y/N laughed out.

“Can’t. Famous bestie Chan is buying a round of drinks, and I don’t want him to think I’m a slow drinker and can’t keep up.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, “Literally nobody is thinking that.”

Felix chose to ignore her, tugging her arm slightly to lead them towards the bar, seeing that they were already up there ordering. “Should we do a round of shots or do you guys prefer a drink? I’d be happy to do both. Changbin also has some pot brownies in the back if you’re interested in that, too.”

“This might be the best night of my life,” Felix whispered, and Y/N elbowed him in the ribs, making him let out a wince. “Do you like pot brownies, or something?” Changbin laughed out, gulping down the rest of his drink. The tattoos on his bicep caught Y/N’s attention, the mix of swirls and figures she couldn’t exactly make out. He did not have as many as Chan did, and Y/N wonders if they all have some sort of tattoos on their skin.

“Love them. Can’t ever find any good ones,” Felix replied, setting his glass down on the table, “Also, I’m down for anything. We can drink whatever.”

Chan and Minho must have decided on shots, as a couple seconds later, they turned around with five in their hands, a menacing smirk gracing Minho’s lips as he swayed over towards Y/N and Felix. “Here, hoes. It’s your favorite.”

“Min, you know I didn’t want to drink tonight.” Y/N whined out, obviously devastated at the fact that Minho had brought her a lemon drop shot. Seriously, he knew she was a sucker for those. And the grin on his face was not helping one bit.

“Exactly, it’s your favoriteee,” He sang out, waving the shot underneath her nostrils. It was even coated with a nice sugar rim, and was that a mini lemon slice on the edge of the glass? She’s sold.

“Ugh, you’re the worst,” She groaned out, jerking the shot out of his hand with an exaggerated eye roll, and Chan immediately began laughing.

“Damn, Minho. You’re still just as bad of an influence as you were in middle school, aren’t you?”

“Yes, he is!” Y/N spoke up before Minho could, Felix letting out a noise of agreement, knowing he couldn’t protest. “He is the worst! The absolute worst! But he does take good care of us, I guess.” She shrugged, and Chan chuckled in reply.

“Good. Otherwise, I’d have to beat his ass.”

“Like you ever could. Remember who always won in our fights? You could never take me.”

Minho and Chan then began to argue, Y/N and Felix watching in amusement, when Changbin suddenly interrupted them with a, “Yah! Could you two stop bickering for a second so we can take these shots? I’m trying to get shit-faced tonight.”

Chan rolled his eyes, wrapping an arm around Changbin and bringing him into the circle Y/N realized they had unintentionally formed. “Alright, fuckers. Cheers to new friends, music, and hot girls in lingerie sets waiting for us to do body shots on!” He shouted out, tapping his glass with everyone’s. They all downed it in one gulp, Felix letting out a, “Hell yeah!” as he slammed his glass down on the table.

Y/N gave him a look, “You almost broke the damn glass.”

“Sorry. I got too excited.” He sheepishly grinned.

A couple of people starting yelling Chan and Changbin’s name, making Y/N look up to see a group of guys waving them over. They were dressed to the nines, glasses in their hands as they drunkingly wobbled back and forth. She let out a small gasp when one of them toppled over onto the floor, and Chan sighed, running his hand through his styled hair.

“Those idiots,” He mumbled, “They’re Jisung’s friends. And they think we’re best friends or some shit. All they do is give me high blood pressure whenever they come to these things.”

“Yeah, they’re pretty annoying. But so is Jisung, so that explains it,” Changbin spoke, grabbing a beer from the bartender and turning around to face Chan, “I’ll go talk to them. You can take your friends and introduce them to some people or give them a tour or whatever. I’ll catch up in a bit.”

He then turned to face Y/N, Minho, and Felix, giving them a wide grin and giving them each a small hug, which they all didn’t hesitate to reciprocate. He smelled like mint and wood, Y/N noticed—a weird combination that somehow seemed fitting. “Nice to meet you guys. I’m sure I’ll see you around a good bit. Let me know if you ever need anything! A friend of Chan’s is always a friend of mine.”

“Will do, thanks man.” Minho grinned in return. Y/N watched him walk off, giggling slightly when she saw him roll his eyes whenever the guys grabbed his shoulders. She felt Felix lean into her slightly, and she gripped his arm in return, eyes glancing around the crowd.

The song had changed, The Weeknd now blaring through the speakers. Y/N swayed slightly, a small grin gracing her lips as she saw a large group of people dancing. “Anybody want to dance?” She asked, tugging Felix’s arm.

“Let’s do it.”

Y/N grabbed Minho and Feix’s hands, Chan following closely behind them with a laugh, leading them all into the middle of what appeared to be the dance floor for the night. She giggled, hips immediately moving to the beat of the music, standing in-between Minho and Felix, grins on their faces.

This is exactly what she needed: her, and her best friends in the middle of a club dancing with Minho’s celebrity friend. This is exactly what she needed—it was all she needed. It was all she needed to begin to move on.

Minho then decided to break out the stanky leg, the laugh Y/N was about to let out dying in her throat as she turned around.

Time seemed to stop. The music that was blaring turned into a loud ring in her ears, white noise taking over her head. Her heart felt like it just beat right out of her chest, all the breath in her lungs getting caught in her body. White, white, white—all she was seeing was white in the midst of the bodies gracing the dance floor as she felt her body melt to the ground as nothing—for that is all she was in his presence.

“Hyunjin!” Chan had shouted, catching his attention as he eagerly waved him over, calling him over towards them, confirming what she knew was already true.

She felt someone lightly shaking her, a muffled sound in her ears. She had watched as he turned around at the voice, wide grin on his face, a glimmer in his eyes. She had watched as his eyes immediately met hers, the grin fading as quickly as it came, a look of remorse painting itself on his face. There was a girl on his arm, one of the girls in a lingerie set, bright red lips kissing his neck, hands trailing down his torso.

She felt nauseous. Her head was spinning, and she could feel her heart dying all over again.

It wasn’t until she felt herself stumbling backwards into a body that she regained consciousness—music and frantic words filling her ears as her face was shoved into a chest, a hand holding the back of her neck protectively. She took some deep breaths, gripping the sides of Felix’s shirt before looking up at him.

That’s him, her eyes spoke, and he knew immediately.

“Wait, did he say Hyunjin?” Minho asked, and Y/N’s vision went from white to red.

“I need some air.” She let out, roughly getting out of Felix’s grasp as she stumbled through the crowd of people. It felt like she was underwater, not being able to breathe until she swam to the surface, gasping loudly once she made it out of the back doors.

She gripped her chest, chest heaving with exertion, wheezes coming out in strangled breaths. She slowly slid down against the brick wall, eyes watering. She could feel her throat closing up, hands and legs shaking, gasping loudly in attempt to compensate for the shortness of breath she was experiencing, mind clouded with Hyunjin.

Hyunjin, Hyunjin, Hyunjin.

“Fuck, she’s having a panic attack!” A voice yelled, as multiple pairs of loafers came into view. She heard Felix talking to her, could smell Minho’s cologne. Yet, she couldn’t focus on anything for more than three seconds at a time, the gasps coming out more forcefully now as her whole body began to shake.

“Get the fuck away from her!”

Another voice, a voice all too familiar was heard, coming through one ear and right out the other. A pair of black boots came into view, a body crouching down, pulling her into a hug. The smell of musk and soap and a hint of floral invaded her senses, a smell she remembered all too well—a sense of comfort. She immediately relaxed.

The gasps got shorter, quieter, until you could no longer hear them at all. Her body stilled, hushed whispers filling her mind, and she went limp, mind clouding with plush lips and warmth.

Hyunjin, Hyunjin, Hyunjin.

She looked up. He was already starring at her.

And god—he was beautiful. He was still beautiful, just as she knew he would be.

She took a good look at him, eyes trailing from his eyebrow piercing, to his long black hair perfectly tucked behind his ears, to his lip ring that sat so elegantly against his bottom lip, the silver blending with the red plush of his lips. He had tattoos over his neck, shapes and swirls captivating her as she followed them with her eyes, moving downward to see that he had even more on his arms. She couldn’t see his chest, but she had a feeling there was even more underneath his black tee, and her breath hitched once she caught his eyes again, his dark eyes that never once looked away from hers.

Hyunjin, Hyunjin, Hyunjin.

He was here. But why did it still feel like he wasn’t?

Before she could process everything, she lifted her right hand up without thinking, hand coming in contact right with his cheek. Her hand stung, his face moving to the side from the slight force, a light area of redness forming onto his skin. Gasps were heard behind him, but Y/N wasn’t paying attention at who was even surrounding them, eyes focused on him.

He stayed like that for a moment, face turned to the side, hair falling in front of his face, before scoffing loudly, turning back around to face her. A smirk graced his lips, and Y/N felt herself wanting to slap him again.

So she did.

“Hey! You can’t keep hitting him! He’s the face of this band, you know?!” A voice yelled out, and before Felix or Minho could yell anything back, he interrupted them.

“S’fine. I deserved that.”

His voice was deeper, a slight rasp to it, but still had the same softness that she was used to. He still had the same smirk on his lips, which pissed Y/N off even more, and she reached her hand up to strike him again out of spite when he had caught her, hands gently grasping her wrist.

“Come on now, sweetheart. Don’t you think two was enough?”

His voice was mocking, the smirk on his lips widening, eyes brows raising. He rubbed her wrist with his fingers, slowly bringing her hand down to rest it on his chest. She could feel his heart beat pounding against her hand, and she almost cried at the fact that he was real and he was touching her.

“I think you should leave her alone. She really doesn’t look like she wants anything to do with you, all offense. You really have no right to be touching her after you just gave her a fucking panic attack—“

“She gets those, sometimes. She gets anxious and overwhelmed, and sometimes it causes her to have one,” He interrupted Felix’s voice, hand curling around hers as he intertwined their hands, eyes refusing to leave hers. “I know what to do when she gets them. Don’t tell me to do shit, man.” He spat out, voice getting louder in slight irritation, and Y/N took this opportunity to snatch her hand out of his grasp, holding it with her other hand and cuddling it up to her chest.

Hyunjin’s eyes softened slightly, and he opened his mouth to say something, but Y/N interrupted him with a soft, “Hyunjin?”

She knew it was him, and she knew he was real, but she needed him to hear her say his name. She needed him to respond.

“Hey, Pedal,” He whispered in reply, and her eyes filled with tears.

She refused to cry in front of him though, shoving him to the side as she quickly stood up, wobbling slightly, pulling her dress down with a forceful tug before speed-walking away from him. She pushed her way past Minho and Felix, ignoring their frantic voices, ignoring anything and everything around her as she entered the club once again, desperately looking around for the bathroom.

She finally found it, slamming the door shut once she got inside, back against the door as she slumped down once more, tears falling down her cheeks.

She knew her makeup was definitely ruined, but she didn’t even care. She couldn’t bring herself to care.

His smirk was replaying in her mind. He was her Hyunjin, but he wasn’t anymore. And he was here, right in front of her, but he wasn’t. If she would have just remembered the name of the stupid band and looked them up she could have avoided all of this. Of course Hyunjin was in a band. Of course he was the lead singer. Of course he was still just as beautiful as he was years ago, just as he always was.

She sobbed harder, cuddling the hand he had just held to her chest, hoping to find comfort in a piece of him that has been lost for years.

The brightest star in the sky was always accompanied by another. Hyunjin was the brightest, and Y/N simply was the other. That’s all she would ever be.

[herewegobebe]

KEY ✦ 'HARD' - MusicCore | MBC230701 [Requested by anon <3]

[lil-als]

time sensitive question: what cutie mark would the antebellum guys tm have. and for that matter, what cutie mark would dickc heney have.

Henry Clay: a raccoon

John C. Calhoun: South Carolina

Daniel Webster: a devil

Peggy Eaton: multiple hearts

Martin Van Buren: a fox face

Sarah Polk: a cross

James K Polk: Texas

Stephen Douglas: Kansas/Nebraska

Charles Sumner: A cane

Andrew Jackson: a gun.

Dick Cheney: A bigger gun

[formergoldenboy]

Why is she here?!

It’d been about three months since Lindsey shot up the board room, grabbed Lilah’s ass and kissed Los Angeles goodbye. He only felt a small fraction of guilt for leaving Lilah behind, but he knew if anyone could survive that place it was her. He’d meant every word he’d said to Nathan about her ability to do the job he also meant it when he whispered good luck in her ear. 

Since leaving the hell that was LA he’d done a little bit of traveling, before deciding it was time to go home. He settled down on his family’s ranch and went to work on fixing it up, he did legal advising on the side for some extra cash. He was fairly content with how things were and hadn’t expected to see anyone from Los Angeles again.

It was a typical Monday for him, he was busy working on the barn’s roof when he heard a car come rolling down the gravel road and stopping in his driveway. He started down the ladder and grabbed a rag, wiping off the sweat that had started rolling off him. He took one look at the car and sighed, cursing under his breath as he approached the car. “No, whatever the reason is for you driving all the way here, forget it and turn the hell around and drive your ass back to LA because I’m not interested.”

@weareheroes (Lilah)

[emystic-old]

@dragonskxn liked for a Mika Starter!

The child finally came from outside in the hot summer weather with his skin now clammy and red. Instantly going toward the dragoness when she was in sight and gripped the end of her clothes with his sweaty, tiny claws.

"The sun is too hot...I'm thirsty now." His soft, little voice sounded out of breath and tired, he played too much earlier and now the heat is finally getting to him. The little one is tired now and could be due for a nap soon.

[gardenwalls]

         ‘   you   see   ,   this   is   a   misunderstanding   ,   i   didn’t   go   on   a   date   with   you   just   to   write   an   article   on   how   bad   it   was   .   but   with   the   way   things   progressed   ,   i   couldn’t   pass   up   on   a   good   opporunity   .   ’   /   @mccntower

[heartintact]

✧ closed starter / @lvciddreamt

“I know this is kind of cheesy, but do it for me, yeah? There’s something I wanna try.” Dylan had leaned over slightly, words whispered against Holly’s ear when his friends looked particularly distracted. Despite being surrounded by people, it wasn’t hard to find those small moments of secrecy; after all, the amusement park’s colorful lights and tacky music was enough to keep anyone distracted. He didn’t take the blonde’s hand, no, that would’ve been risky, painfully obvious, but he did smile proudly as he informed his friends, “Holly and I will take a ride on the ferris wheel, she’d never done that before,” he rolled his eyes like it was a given, a bit teasing, entirely too amused, “so we’ll catch up with you guys later.” He added, not even waiting for the others’ response before his gaze was moving to the pretty girl by his side then, slight tilt of his head towards the attraction so she’d take the first step.

[nikkiruncks]

008. "Why are you so nice to me?" with Ginny & Abby pls :))

Ginny was currently sitting in her bedroom, eating a cupcake her mom bought her. After today, the brunette did not want to go out.

All of a a sudden, she heard a knock on the door. “Mom, I’m fine! Don’t worry about me!” Abby peeked slightly through the door. “Can I come in?” Ginny sighed and nodded. Abby enters through the door and looked down. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry…about getting you in trouble. I was jealous that Max was spending all this time with you.”

Ginny sighed, “It’s okay.” Abby sat on the bed. “It’s just…Max and I have known each other since childhood. She was actually my first love. So seeing her with someone else kinda sparked something in me.” Ginny shook her head, “You have feelings for Max?” Abby nodded, “Yeah, but it’s not like she feels the same way. Besides, it’s not an excuse for what I did to you. It was shitty and fucked up and I’m sorry.”

Ginny smiled, “Thank you.” Abby exhaled, “Are we good?” Ginny nodded, “We’re good.” The two hugged for the first time. Abby looked around, “Nice room.” Ginny smiled, “Thanks. I may move around a lot, but the way I decorate my room is one thing I’ve never changed.” The pair smiled at one another for a while until Abby’s phone chimed. “Just a sec.” She grabbed her phone and pressed the green button.

“Hey mom. What’s going on?” Ginny saw Abby nodding and was curious. “Family emergency? Okay.” The two heard screaming on the other line. “Alright, I’ll…be there.” Abby hung up. She turned to Ginny, “Gotta go. Family drama.” Ginny chuckled, “You don’t have to tell me. I’ll explain later.” Abby gave her a hug. “See you around.” Ginny smiled as she watched the redhead walk away. Maybe being at new school won’t be so bad after all.

[queenxfchaos]

@whxlmedwing

Good ol’ Gotham City, a torturous place that she’d prefer to avoid if it wasn’t for her tour dates bringing her to some of the seediest places in the world, all because it brought the promoters big bucks to cater to the fans who never saw big name stars come around for a show. The sirens were maddening like a symphony fit for the devil, though admittedly it was better then living on her little "Planet" if you could call it that, more like a sorry excuse for a meteor!

The one plus side to a city like this is often people minded their own business and this gave her the freedom to let her tail be free as it swayed behind her, not a care in the world. Skye knew walking through the crowds she had to keep her guard up, first of all she was only 5 ft tall and her unique looks, not to mention her outfits completely clad of leather and lace drew the occasional bit of unwanted attention, which was fine, honestly?

She was a power loaded alien who could blow up half the city with her finger, though blowing people and things up, brought attention and she didn't want any "Heroes" bothering her. Unfortunately for her this night wouldn't go as planned, as she felt a thug grab her shoulder and try to "mug" her isn't this what the humans called it? Dare she defend herself?

What could the harm really be? With a swift movement she had him in a headlock and hadn't noticed the crowd gathering to watch as she threw him in the air, jumped up and kicked him to god knows where with the bottom of her stiletto heel.

"What? You've seen a bat fly, and now you've seen a monkey fly, humans, I swear!" She tied her hair up as she landed shaking her hair at the gawking people.

[winstyn]

Hi, I just want to rant about something so here I go.

I love to write, I really do. Short story, poem, novel, script, anything really. I love touching some place deep in my soul and pour it out like a river. It makes me feel so light and happy, even if I write something dark. It feels like finally finally I can understand myself. However the thing is I rarely am able to do this. It is not because I don't have the time or anything, it's just I have nothing to write most of the time. Just today I tried, but all I could do was this. It's like my tongue gets tied up. My brain starts to get fuzzy and suddenly I'm so frusturated that everything becomes too much. I tried using prompts before, they can be hit or miss. I should probably try writing regularly, at least people say it helps. But sometimes, it feels too much and I just give up entirely. Fuck, even now I feel like crying. I don't really know what to do or if this will pass at all. So, I decided to share. Who knows, maybe this will make the pain a little easier to bear.

[nirnrootic]

@sunxdusk sent in.

[ crowd ] sender and receiver lock eyes across the crowded room of a lavish ball

They said the theme was nature. Woodland, skies, oceans—what the sun kissed and more. The invitees interpreted this in nimiety. Some pulled it to its essential, skeletal threads, plucking only that deemed prim and desirable; garbed themselves to the nines, vapid of thematic connection, aside from a flower or two woven amidst shoulder.

What a waste.

Erosandros’ gaze swept across the crowd. Heads bobbing, laughter rippling, chatter aplenty. He rested an elbow daintily upon the ornate marble balustrade, two fingers pinching the narrow stalk of his glass of wine—recently drained until remnant crimson stained the base. That carpet which draped down the central staircase was the hue of summer's deepest rose petals, unfurled time and time again until bounty melded into velvet.

He caught someone’s eyes. They caught his.

One step down. Another.

He didn’t want to trip and tumble on his dress.

The train was long, the skirt held in airy suspense by crinoline. The hue of the fabric resonated much with the phthalo of forests at the height of evening—that deep, deep green, leaning away from fluorescent vibrancy in favour of rich, tangible darkness—though flirted an iridescent glimmer once candlelight struck it from just the right angle. Shoulders, exposed, though the remaining sleeves puffed out, slimming towards narrow wrists. Brown layered beneath the green, giving the illusion of bark crowded by foliage.

He looked good. He knew he looked good. He’d even dared dust his face with makeup, green glitter petitely painting the apples of his cheeks, and full lips a cherry red—if someone thought he didn’t look absolutely ravishing, he might quip that they’d need their eyes checked: and he was more than happy to offer a quote.

Erosandros flowed through the crowd.

Finally, they’d extinguished the distance between them.

“Briengr. You kept me waiting,” he said, a pleasant smile enriching his lips, creasing his eyes. Purpure darted up and down Briengr’s attire, a hand skimming the fabric of the elf’s sleeve. “You look dashing.”

[luna-loveboop]

I find it funny that Wild, who has basically a couple years ish of full life experience, comes up with the most insane theories for everything

He assumed that the only other explanation to Four being able to split in Four was. That he was quadruplets who'd been hiding this whole time???

Also apparently he believed that his wolf companion Twilight in botw was a diety (and felt very uhh shocked upon finding out that he was not)

Malon made things worse, telling him about her aliens theory

What's even FUNNIER is that every time Wild expresses any sort of confusion at magic stuff that he's never seen before, everyone else in the chain acts like it's crazy for him to be weirded out by it

Honestly maybe Wild's the only one with his head on straight, rather than everyone else who are just like 'it's magic bro' like no he's right this is weird

I appreciate this because it's very considerate of the fact that he woke up with no memories not too long ago, so he doesn't have much experience to explain the stuff that's 'normal' for the chain. Plus the explanations he comes up with are funny.

:)

.

Art and comic and adorable character by Jojo @linkeduniverse au :D

[nikkiruncks]

Drabble request: Gwen & Nikki visit Leia on Chicago!

“Are we there yet?” Gwen remarked with an eye roll. She and Nikki were currently in the backseat of a cab. They were heading off to see Leia together, since it had been months.

Nikki rest her hand over Gwen’s, kissing her cheek. “We’re almost there baby. He said thirty more minutes.” Gwen laid her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder. She missed Leia so much. Point Place just wasn’t the same without her.

Gwen sighed, “I know.” She pulled Nikki back in for kiss, caressing her cheek. Nikki moved closer, holding onto Gwen’s waist. They continued to make out for the next thirty minutes until…

“We’re here!” The cab driver yelled. Nikki and Gwen sighed in relief. “Thank god!” They both got out of the car and began to run off. “Wait, where’s the change?” A ten dollar bill hit him on the face. “Thank you. Come again.”

——————————————————————————

Leia was watching tv for the past few minutes, trying to enjoy her weekend. She missed summer. She got to see her friends every day, be with her grandparents. Now she’s stuck in Chicago with Eleanor Moore.

*ring*

Leia sprung up, immediately knowing who’s at the door. She got up and ran to the door, leaping into Gwen and Nikki’s arms. She missed them so much. She pulled back, moving over to kiss Gwen. Leia put her hand around Gwen’s waist while Gwen wrapped her arms around Leia’s neck. She missed those lips. Her face. Her everything.

“Eh-hem!” Gwen and Leia broke it off to see Nikki staring at them with a smirk, arms crossed. “You forgetting somebody.” Leia chuckled, running to Nikki for a hug. Nikki pat her back, leaving her head at the crook of Leia’s neck. Leia left a kiss on Nikki’s head and held on tighter. Gwen chuckled and joined in with the pair. This was how things were supposed to be.

Edit: now on AO3

[queenxfchaos]

@maddmuses

(For Goku)

After flying a short distance and finally sensing the ki of her “target” the young saiyan landed, not exactly coming off as a horrible enemy in her leather jacket, leather pants and high heels.

“So, you’re the great Kakarot? I don’t see what the big deal is, you look wimpy to me.” Skye raised a brow as she glanced him over and let her tail come free from her waist, “Clearly, daddy was losing his mind when he insisted I come for you and avenge my family.”

She sighed and took a step back. “I guess I don’t need to fight you than huh? That’s a relief! I really didn’t want to mess up my clothes!”

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

HOW DEEP IS YOUR DEVOTION? ; SATORU GOJO

synopsis; you’re his knight, and he’s your prince. if only it were that simple.

word count; 6.6k

contents; satoru gojo/reader, gn!reader, royalty au (..but no effort put into making it historically accurate in any way oops), knight!reader x prince!toru!!, childhood friends, mutual pining, fluffy overall, some hurt/comfort too, vague allusions to abuse (reader is punished by one of the castle maids as a child but it’s only really hinted at), knight!reader is horrendously devoted but prince!gojo is arguably worse, he would burn the world down if u asked nicely <3

a/n; big big BIG thank you to @/teddybeartoji for having the biggest brain in the galaxy and infecting me with this concept <33 if u pay attention while reading you can tell the exact moment i started slowly spiraling into insanity

you are five years old when you meet the prince.

five years old, a mere child, and too young to be blinded by such brilliance. too young to be where you are; curled up in a dark alley, back against a grimy brick wall, covered in bruises. like a beaten dog — scrawny and afraid. waiting for a strike that never comes.

the boy in front of you is also five years old, but you don’t know that. something in him looks older, somehow, something in the way he carries himself. like he doesn’t have anything to be afraid of. like he’s never even felt fear. he parts his lips and speaks like he has the right to, like he’s comfortable in his own skin, a radiance so blinding you could mistake him for the sun. too much for you to bear.

”does it hurt?”

the words fall on deaf ears. but you flinch, your body reacts, a tremble down your tiny spine. you hear the sound but not the words. too mesmerized, too paralyzed, unable to look away from the blue of his eyes, painted with rich watercolour hues. seeping into the world around you like ink on paper, cobalt and aquamarine and something else, something you’ve never seen before —

a blue so jarring it makes you shiver.

the boy has an innocent face. almost girlish, plump cheeks and long lashes, clean clothes and smooth skin. a little too pretty to be out here, you think, in this part of town — too pure to be anywhere near someone like you. he’s above you, that much you can tell. a pretty, innocent face, untouched by dirt or ache; the face of royalty. an entirely different species.

there’s something keen in his eyes, a contrast to his childlike features. a sharp gaze, something that sees through you, something that won’t look away. something mildly frightening. enough to have you cowering in fear, hugging your knees closer to your chest.

but then he smiles. and it’s sincere. sweet, vibrant, all honey and milk and a world you cannot reach.

a smile so captivating you take his outstretched hand, and let him drag you away to god-knows-where.

(that's how it begins. the dynamic that’ll follow you into your adult lives; satoru takes the lead, and you follow. no matter where he’s going.)

satoru gojo, as you soon come to learn, is the prince of the nation you reside in. the only child of the royal family, born with talent and prestige, fame and fortune, set to become king. a different species, indeed.

but he brings you home with him, to a castle so grand you feel as if your very presence is an insult to the architects who designed it, and convinces his parents to let you stay. it’s surprising, but you don’t protest; following him like a puppy at his trail. and he’s stubborn, insistent, demanding that he get to keep said puppy. 

the king and queen don’t care one way or another. they glance at you with apathy, and tell satoru to do what he wants — but convincing the scary and displeased castle maids takes some work. 

satoru doesn’t waver, though. he holds your hand in his, and demands that you be treated with respect.

and he wins. he always wins.

that’s how you become the prince’s playmate. raised alongside him, allowed to stay close, eat from the same food. he won’t settle for anything less. defending your honour, always, before you even know what honour means. before you care.

time passes slowly. joyously. every day is a new adventure, as you attempt to get used to the miracle that is your new life — sweet and silky, apricot blossoms and fresh peaches, duvet pillows and a bubbly laughter you didn’t know you still had. he coaxes it out of you, with every secret midnight outing, every bout of mischief he drags you both into. 

satoru has nice hands, uncalloused palms, fingers that grasp yours and don’t let go. he takes you outside, to see the stars, to catch fireflies in the dark of night on top of the hill that oversees the castle. to take a dip in the river just below it, gleaming a silver hue under the blue shade of the moon. you worry about getting in trouble, but he reassures you — the prince can do what he wants.

that might be true, but you are no prince. not even close. satoru may safeguard you, but all you’ll ever be in the eyes of the world is a stray he got to keep.

and one time, only one time, you do face the repercussions of your midnight outings. you, and you alone. a bad influence — seething words, buzzing in your ears. an angry castle maid, and a stinging pain in your cheek. blurry tears. 

but that’s an incident no one in the castle dares to speak of.

(you’ll never forget that look in his eyes.)

satoru is an odd boy. he keeps you close, always, clinging to you like he needs you to breathe. you don’t understand why, but you’ve learned not to question him. the castle guards all know you as the prince’s best friend, and some part of you knows that’s all you’ll ever amount to. but you don’t mind.

because you love him. at five years old, six years old, seven and beyond, you love him. satoru gojo, the kindest boy in the stratosphere. 

a boy who keeps finding you, no matter where you are, who tugs you along as naturally as the rise of the sun. who raids kitchen cabinets with you and always makes you laugh, little giggles and chuckles that have him beaming proudly. a boy who cleans your wounds with a serious expression, and tells you that he’ll protect you forever. 

(you tell yourself the same. that you’ll protect him forever and ever, until you run out of air to breathe. a boy so sweet you’d die for him.)

a pledge is made. you make it before you know what a pledge is. pledging to protect him, to become his sword, because even as a child you understand that his life will be difficult. you see it in the dullness that sometimes comes over his eyes, the apathy of his so-called parents, the hours he spends locked up with nothing but a pile of dusty books to keep him company. 

so you decide to become his knight. his, and his alone. 

it’s challenging. but you push through; training with another aspiring knight, miles better than you, black hair tousled by the breeze as he knocks you off your feet for the thirtieth consecutive time. wincing as the girl who sometimes watches your sparring patches you up, soft hands cleaning your wounds so tenderly that you almost choke up.

and eventually, as the apricot blossoms of the castle orchard wilt and bloom over and over in a flurry of pure white, your dream comes true. 

there’s something playful in satoru’s eyes, when he places his blade on the curve of your shoulder. something sweet and fond, and just a little bit ironic — as if you’re still seven years old, and playing house. 

you want to tell him that it isn’t a joke. that you’re serious, about this, that you’d tear your stomach open to keep him safe. but you know he’d just laugh. so you let the words clog up your throat, honey-sweet devotion sticking to the walls of your esophagus. breathing in through your nose, as he speaks. as the words you’ve waited to hear flow from his glossy lips.

when all is said and done, satoru smiles. he calls you his little knight, and you can tell that he’s teasing you. indulging you, as if he’s in on some joke that you aren’t. but you’ll take what you can get.

you call him my prince, expecting him to laugh it off, but his smile begins to fall. and a pang of ache rushes through your soul, instantaneous, guilty, although you don’t understand why.

so you keep calling him satoru. even though it’s more than a little unprofessional, and you become painfully accustomed to receiving a few judgemental looks here and there. a knight and a prince shouldn’t be so very close, they think, and you don’t disagree. but there’s nothing they can do about it, anyhow.

the prince and his knight can do what they want.

not much changes. you’re his knight, but he treats you the same as before. he’s playful, a little goofy, and you indulge him. as always. attached at the hip, bickering and bantering, bouncing off each other effortlessly. and satoru never bothers to hide your history, the soft spot he has for you; it’s in every fleeting glance, soft tilt of his head, teasing call of ah, there’s my favorite knight. 

(you’re no stranger to jealous looks. sometimes a pout on the lips of a pretty girl, a crease between the brows of one of your fellow knights. and sometimes a glare, from his fiancée — a woman he was engaged to before he was old enough to speak.

but you don’t mind. you’ve never cared what anyone but satoru thinks of you.)

satoru never loses his smile, that effortless air of confidence. the charm that makes people want to follow him, a charisma you know well. one you fell victim to at five years of age. he’s still just a prince, far from being a king, but he receives the same respect.

and that keen, sharp glimmer in his eyes never quite goes away; the hardened shell around his heart unbroken. you see it in fleeting glances, during meetings, ones he allows you to attend despite your status. when he speaks to a room of people with more power than you can imagine, his voice unwavering. back straight. elegant, serious, the presence of royalty — enough to receive respect without even trying. 

but he still shoots you a smile, easygoing, when your eyes meet. one only you can see.

as for you, the step into knighthood is a clumsy one. but you take your duties seriously, and adjust properly. a deep devotion runs through your veins, from your beating heart down to the tips of your fingers, where a sword lies clutched. you keep it close, always, ready to serve. to obey. to protect. 

all of it for one person.

all you do is for him. duels in his honour, beasts slain for his peace of mind, and he’s always there to welcome you back. wiping the blood from your cheek, tenderly, smearing his untainted skin with red; all while he looks at you softly, a coo or word of praise waltzing on the tip of his tongue. 

that’s only for when you remain unscathed, though, when the blood on your cheek isn’t your own. when you get hurt, it’s different — something begins to brew inside his eyes, and you can’t tell what it is. but he insists on bandaging you himself, paying no mind to your meek protests.

sometimes, you’re more reckless than usual. your injuries worse. sometimes he looks upset, angry with you, and doesn’t speak. you don’t, either.

a strange look comes over his eyes, every now and then. when you get down on one knee, to kiss his hand, the metal of the ring on his finger — and if you look up, you’ll see it. simmering inside those blue depths, something just as fond as it is sad. troubled, you think.

(something tells you he’d kneel, too, if only you’d let him.)

the bond between you remains intact. even as you begin to shoulder more responsibilities, more duties, even though you don’t have as much freedom as you used to. even though you seem to get less time to spend with each other every single day. but you stay together, even so; just like when you were children, running around and causing trouble, more than you could get away with now. 

despite everything, satoru has grown up into a fine man. and you couldn't be prouder.

“do you think i look good in black? be honest.”

you throw him a glance. curious, somewhat perplexed, eyeing him up and down.

satoru is wearing a white blouse, puffy sleeves and a low neckline, showing off the skin of his bare chest. no black colours to be seen. you think back to that banquet he attended last month, forced into an expensively tailored black coat. a corset around his waist. and then you hum.

“sure you do.”

”suguru said it makes me look like a try-hard,” he scoffs, crossing his arms. tilting his head in your direction. ”do you think he’s jealous?”

”definitely.”

a moment passes. 

satoru narrow his eyes, and gives you a dubious look. clicking his tongue. ”… something tells me you aren’t taking this seriously.”

”i am,” you assure him, a lazy smile at your lips. meeting his gaze, that displeased little pout. still smoothing a brush down the mane of your horse, the smell of hay soothing your muddled senses. ”just tired. you look good in anything. you know that.”

he hums. silent, the sound of a spring breeze filling in the gaps.

it’s late. outside the stables, the world is engulfed by a dark sky, almost too murky to see anything. hazy stars glimmer in the distance, and a sense of fatigue gnaws at your bones. it’s been a long day, and yet you’re here — doing even more work. just a little more.

and satoru’s right there with you. even though he’s just sitting there, on the floor, not lifting a finger to help. not that he has to. insistent on spending some quality time with you, keeping you company. just talking and munching on the food he snuck in, bread and cheese and an expensive bottle of wine, that he leaves completely untouched. he tries to leave some of everything else for you, though. keyword being tries.

a sense of peace simmers in the air. palpable, almost enough to taste, as midnight air streams in from the opened doors, chilly and pleasant on your skin. ruffling the thin fabric of your clothing.

and it’s nice, you think, just to have satoru there — talking about this and that, complaining about all the annoying people he had to meet yesterday, yawning every now and then. nostalgic. like this, it almost feels like you're still kids. back when you spent every single hour of the day by each other’s side.

it’s been a long time since you got the chance to speak like this. satoru’s been busy, and so have you. more so than usual.

”are they running you ragged?” he suddenly asks, and you don’t realize you’ve spent the last minute staring into space. resuming your brushing, with steady hands, but turning your head to meet his gaze.

”need me to…” he makes a slicing motion with his hand, right over his throat. a glint of mischief in his eyes. ”handle it?”

and you scoff. amused, but answering him seriously; unsure if his question is all-together humorous, if it doesn’t carry a hint of something genuine too. ”of course not.”

there’s a weariness in the way you blink. the way you pet the animal in front of you, having finished getting the dirt and blood clots out of her mane. she lays down in her stall, and you smile. turning around to rest your back against the wooden border between you, a respite for your aching bones.

it gets just a little bit tiring, sometimes. fighting, patrolling, helping townsfolk. protecting the castle, making sure everything is in order. killing whatever needs to be killed. cleaning the stained silver of your sword.

but…

”it’s my duty,” you answer, seriously, and it comes out sounding like a vow. because it is. 

you avoid his gaze, but you can feel it, as you pick up the wine bottle by your feet and pop the cork. soft moonlight flits in from the windows, illuminating the green glass. a chartreuse glow that reminds you of fireflies, shimmering in your grasp, and for some reason it soothes your heart.

satoru only hums, far from approving. popping a piece of cheese into his mouth. 

after a brief pause, he continues. ”you don’t have to be so serious all the time, you know.” his voice comes out a little raspy. it’s got a certain tilt to it, one that means he wants you to take him seriously. ”not around me.”

you take a sip of the wine. expensive, blood red. it’s too sweet for your taste, heavy on your tongue.

”… i’m less serious with you than i am with others.”

satoru sits up a little straighter.

”yeah?” he grins, a kind of satisfaction blooming in his eyes. cerulean and sweet. almost smug, you think, like the cat that got the cream. ”that’s good. you really should loosen up, though.”

a glance. fleeting, just to see him — but he isn’t looking at you. he’s looking outside, through the opened window, at the sway of the apricot trees. white petals flitting in, landing by his feet. in his hair.

when his eyes meet yours, they’re smoothed over by that something you can never put your finger on. a blend between longing and fondness. crinkled at the edges.

”you’ve got a pretty smile,” he exhales. ”be a shame not to show it off.”

when you look at him, really look at him, you see it. that fatigue. it slips out when he talks to you, a sincere way of speaking that never quite allows him to hide his emotions. you hear the hint of a yawn, can practically feel the weight on his shoulders. the weight of an entire nation. a weight he was always bound to carry.

(you could never bring yourself to be even remotely alright with it.)

“have you been doing okay?” you ask, and satoru blinks. there’s a soft look in your eyes, as they trail over the contours of his face, his lashes catching the light of the stars. an innocent, pretty face. but he looks tired. frail. like he hasn’t been sleeping properly.

something rotten bubbles up inside your throat.

”they’re running you ragged, too,” you say, hand settling on your hip. where your sword usually is. unconsciously, on instinct — or maybe just to make him laugh. ”need me to step in?”

satoru chuckles. husky, mellow. dripping with soft amusement.

”settle down, little knight.”

a moment passes. silent. his eyes flutter shut, for a second, and a breath slips from his lips. almost a sigh. in the distance, you hear the quiet coo of an owl. 

”of course,” he eventually answers, opening his eyes. and you think he looks a little resigned. but smiling. self-deprecating, you think, although he’d like you to assume otherwise. ”all of it is just preparation, anyhow.” 

a flimsy smile, as he looks into your knowing eyes. ”it’s what i was born for, wasn’t it?”

you purse your lips.

“… i don’t think so.”

another chuckle. a little delighted, this time. 

“yeah,” he cranes his neck, emitting a low groan. “me neither.” something sweet blossoms in his eyes, sweet like the crunch of the apple he bites into, juice dribbling down his chin. ”but it is what it is.”

a beat. you part your lips, trying to find the right words. ”tell me if there's anything i can do,” you settle on. the same words you always choose. ”anything at all.”

satoru smiles. “right.” his voice carries a teasing tilt; almost a purr. ”there’s nothing you wouldn't do for me, hm?” 

“— there isn’t.” you smile. “nothing at all.”

he blinks. a little dazed, for a second, and you watch as his ears redden. slight, enough for you to notice, but gone before you can bring it up. a contemplation smooths over his features. and a pleasant breeze flits in, ruffling his hair, apricot petals kissing up his skin. he looks at the apple in his hands.

then he sighs. placing his palms on his knees, and rising to his feet. his arms twitch, muscular beneath the flimsy blouse, and you gulp. although you aren’t sure why.

“alright, then.” his eyes flicker in the dim light, sharp and decisive. he crosses over to you with long strides. “there is something you can do.”

when he’s close enough, satoru reaches out his hand; opening his palm. a silent beckoning. you look at him, not saying a word. his expression is unreadable. 

then you intertwine your fingers with his. unquestioningly, even in the midst of your confusion.

(it reminds you of that day. when he pulled you up to your feet, held your hand in his and refused to let go. leading you to the promise of something better.)

no matter where he goes, you follow.

and satoru grins. it’s sweet, just like back then, a smile so vibrant you wish you could tuck it into your sleeve and keep it there forever. he curls his fingers around yours, gentle, fondness bubbling up inside his eyes. for a second, you think you see the sun.

“come with me.”

at first, you truly aren’t sure where he’s going to take you. hand in hand, you begin to walk, feeling the midnight breeze nip at your skin. beyond the castle walls, away from the hustle and bustle of the nearby town. satoru holds your hand and smiles, tousled tufts of white hair swaying with the wind, leading you to a place you know well. a place where the air tastes like freedom.

it’s the river you used to play by as children.

gleaming a solemn silver under the evanescent moon, framed by bushes of lilacs, blooming indigo and violet and pure white. butterflies flutter about, almost glittering, blue wings settling down on the leaves. the scent of nectar hangs heavy in the air. on top of the hill just above you, you think you can spot tiny little glowing dots; green and yellow, buzzing around. dancing merrily, now that there aren’t any troublemaker children left to trap them.

satoru lets go of your hand, to roll up his sleeves. the hems of his pants. then he’s taking a step forward, dangerously close to the edge of the river, and you can tell what he’s thinking.

“ah — wait —“ you stumble forward, to grab hold of his arm. a worried crease forms between your brows. “that's dangerous, satoru. you could slip and fall.”

he turns to face you, a teasing mirth in his eyes. smirking lightly. “oh? is that so?” he hums, a slight tilt of his head. then he’s stepping closer, so close you feel his warm breath on your skin, but you will yourself not to step back. “wanna know what i think?”

he leans forward, just a little further, warm air brushing against the shell of your ear. flushing beneath it. his voice comes out low, a sleepy lilt, dangerously raspy. hand ghosting over your waist.

”i think you’re too scared to get in.”

you blink.

”… really?” you deadpan, stepping back a tad. satoru looks pleased with himself.

“really,” he purrs. “you were always like that. could barely dip your toes in without shivering.” he reaches out to pinch your cheek, a coo on the tip of his tongue. ”scaredy-cat.”

you raise an unimpressed brow. satoru steps back, inching closer to the river, until a quiet splash tells you that he’s standing in the water. lapping up his bare legs, not enough to even reach his knees — it felt a lot scarier when you were smaller. he’s still holding your hand, very loosely, fingertips ghosting your own. 

“c’mon,” he coaxes. soft, encouraging, a playful glimmer in his eyes. teeth catching the light of the moon. “or is it too much for my brave knight to handle?”

satoru laughs, when that makes you furrow your brows, attempting to hide the flush of your cheeks. a warmth spreads through your chest at the term of endearment, and you bite your lip. melting a little. 

his knight. his favourite knight.

“... fine,” you tangle your fingers in his own. sighing deeply, taking a tentative step forward. “just be careful, okay? i don't want to deal with your whining if you hit your head.”

“ah, but you’d kiss it better, no? if i asked?” he flashes you a honeyed grin, eyes rich with amusement. you hope the darkness of the night is enough to hide the red of your ears.

a grumble buzzes in your throat, locked behind your pursed lips. something in your jaw goes tight.

the man in front of you softens. parting his glossy lips. he says your name; slowly, thoughtfully, as if savouring every syllable. dragging them out, speaking with a lilt that tells you he’s being sincere.

“— loosen up. it’s just you and me.”

so you do.

and it’s odd. how easy it is to get lost in him, the watercolour of his eyes, the brightness of his grin. how pliantly you let him whisk you away. before you know it, you’re playing in the water — because satoru splashed you, laughing at the shock on your face and the shiver of your spine, and you had no choice but to retaliate. 

the sound of his laughter fills the air, sweet and bubbly. deep and giddy. strands of hair stick to his wet skin, droplets running down his neck, but his grin never falters. bright and toothy, boyish. he looks younger than you ever remember him being. like there’s no weight on his shoulders, none at all, only soaked fabric weighing him down. a flimsy, see-through blouse.

you think it’s ridiculous. two grown adults, splashing each other like children. but his melodic giggles are contagious, and before you know it, you’re laughing too — and satoru looks at you like you hung all the stars in the sky. through dewy eyelashes, with cerulean eyes that melt into the pale blue of the moon and the silver of the river. filled with wonder.

a particularly ruthless splash knocks him off balance, and he has the instinct to reach for your arm; stumbling, slipping, dragging you down with him. you land on his chest, cheek against his neck, his pulse against your skin. erratic, joyous. fluttering happily. his chest is heaving, lifting you up and down, a little, rhythmic and comforting. 

a sudden yelp slips past your lips, as you get snapped back into reality, into the realization that you basically just pushed your own prince into a river and used his unfairly soft chest as a cushion. a mumbled string of apologies escapes you, as you attempt to get up, scrambling to find footing.

but satoru wraps his arms around you. tucking you under his chin, keeping you flush against his chest. nice and still. 

and then he sighs. a blissful little breath, fatigue seeping out of him. into the air. 

“stay like this, for a bit,” he rasps. ”it’s okay.”

his heartbeat resounds in your ear. warm and rapid, like claps of thunder, coaxing you into closing your eyes. satoru has always felt so very safe. the water of the river is cold, seeping through the fabric of your clothing and sticking to your skin, but…

(he’s warm.)

silence. and then, a whisper; frail, slipping past his lips, gently slicing the silence in half. softer than you've ever heard him speak.

“i missed this.”

…

nuzzling into his neck, you breathe him in. he smells like sandalwood and dried roses, buzzing with warmth, heavy arms around your waist. solid. when did he get so big? you used to be taller. 

then again — that was a long time ago, wasn’t it?

“… me too.”

“missed you,” he continues, his jaw on top of your head. it’s a sincere confession; childlike in its innocence. “missed hearing you laugh like that. feels like it’s been so long.” 

you stay silent. unsure of what to say. satoru continues, and you let his husky voice carry you away, the tremor of his chest running through your entire body. soothing like a lullaby. 

”we haven't had much time together, lately. i’ve been worried,” he admits, and something about it strikes you as rather sheepish. a little ashamed. ”it bothers me that i can't be there to watch over you. make sure you're treated with respect, you know.”

a sleepy chuckle. muffled into his shoulder, almost a scoff — slightly exasperated. little droplets cling to his skin, sticking to your lips.

”relax, your majesty,” you tease. ”i promise the other knights aren’t bullying me.” 

satoru pouts. you can hear it, when he speaks. ”i’m serious,” he huffs, squeezing you lightly. ”and it’s not them i’m worried about. suguru’s there.”

another scoff threatens to escape your throat. you want to tell him the only knight that should be suspected of bullying you is suguru himself, but before you can even think to part your lips satoru’s beaten you to it.

”they all treat you so carelessly.” there’s something cold to his voice, an irritation tugging at his teeth. oddly seething. ”like you exist to serve them. like you’re disposable.” 

a moment passes, heavy with a silence so thick you don’t dare break it. when he speaks again, it’s an order. a demand. 

”i want you to tell me if they go too far.”

silence. again. you can do nothing but gnaw at the flesh of your bottom lip. 

(he isn’t wrong. but that’s simply what it means to be a knight — half-human, half-weapon. an unattainable ideal, stuffed inside a suit of armor.

when a weapon breaks under the force of a slash, the only choice is to throw it away. that much you know.)

”it’s fine. i’m not that fragile,” you weakly protest, but it’s not enough. satoru huffs.

”you’re a human being,” he reminds you. strangely stern, for once. chastising. ”you deserve to be treated with respect. knight or not. fragile or not.”

a deep inhale. he breathes in, and the rise of his chest carries you with it. his voice buzzes with something, a slumbering kind of fury. one you haven’t heard in years. 

“if anyone gives you trouble — if anyone hurts you… if anyone makes you feel unsafe,” he almost spits the words, like they’re venomous, sacrilegious. ”tell me. i’ll destroy them.”

silence. and then, a chuckle.

that’s all you can manage; that one meek little breath. resisting the urge to cower, at the love that clings to every word he speaks. angered affection. a promise, dangerously genuine, like a growing wildfire. ”i can take care of myself, satoru,” you remind him. hoping it’ll soothe him. ”you know that.”

but his grip around you only tightens. gentle, even still. as if you’re made of glass, a firefly cupped in his palms. he lets the silence linger, for a moment.

and then; 

“i’d do it, you know.”

“… do what?” you ask, though some part of you already knows. 

satoru’s reply is instantaneous. an arrow hitting its target, cold and concise, decisive. frighteningly honest. almost a growl, flattened, a hint of teeth behind his soft lips. ”destroy them. anyone.”

”i’d tear this nation apart if you asked me to.”

…

(ah. that look in his eyes — one you remember well. strung together with blurred memories, the sting of a palm on your cheek, a castle maid you never saw again.)

you search for the words. biting back a gulp, hesitant. “… i wouldn’t.”

“i know.” satoru yawns, breathing you in, voice shifting back into the softness you’re so used to. your shoulders relax. “but i would. if that’s what you wanted.”

and it’s a little scary, the depths of his devotion. but you’re almost certain you’d do the same for him. maybe you're both a little sick in the head, a little too eager to serve your hearts on a silver platter.

“it bothers me, you know.” satoru breaks you out of your thoughts. gentle, a soft lull of his tongue. ”when you get hurt. when you fight for me.”

“i know,” you murmur. you’ve seen it in his eyes, a worry he’s not as good at hiding as he thinks. ”i want to, though.”

“and i want you to be safe.” a chuckle bubbles up in his throat, just a little bit rueful. “you never listen, do you? so stubborn, i swear. always worrying me.”

you bite down on your lip. he sounds… a little sad.

“… sorry.”

a moment’s pause. then he shakes his head; cradling you close. “it’s fine. i’m here. always,” his palm runs down the small of your back. ”in case anything happens.”

he inhales. ”and when i become king —” a beat. he swallows thickly. ”you’ll never have to worry again. no one will be able to touch you.”

”satoru,” you crack a small smile. amused. raising a single eyebrow. ”i’m not worried. i can protect myself.”

”i know. but i’m saying you don’t have to.”

and then he’s pulling back. just a little bit, just enough to see you. cheek smushed against his chest, comfortable and soft, more unguarded than he’s seen you these past few months. it’s enough to get his heart racing. enough to have him reaching out, fingertips ghosting over your hand, tangling your fingers together. bringing it to his glossy lips. a chaste kiss, brimming with unspoken murmurs of love.

”— i’ll protect you forever,” he vows. ”remember?”

there’s devotion in his eyes. heavy, a vow he’ll never quite be able to voice in full. something that makes the blue of his eyes glow even brighter, cerulean, aquamarine, a blue so jarring it makes your heart beat faster than it should.

you blink. starstruck, caught in a daze, lost within that sea of blue. distracted by his warm breath on your cold skin, the soft whisper voiced against your knuckle. something shy blossoms in your chest, enough to have you averting your gaze. 

“... you really don’t care about the dynamic here, do you?” is all you can reply. a meek scoff, a weak attempt at hiding how flustered you are. “i’m the knight. i’m your protector.”

“oh, i know.” a smile sticks to his lips, playful, the back of his hand caressing your cheek. a coo on his tongue. “my little hero. what would i ever do without you?”

a roll of your eyes. satoru chuckles. in the distance, you hear crickets chirping, a breeze rustling the lilac bushes all around you. he’s still cradling your cheek, smoothing over your wet skin, brushing a drop of water away with his thumb. clinging to your bottom eyelash.

“i don't get it, though.”

you blink. when you meet his eyes, satoru looks a little perplexed. muttering under his breath, absently rubbing circles over your cheekbone. you resist the urge to close your eyes again, biting back a blissful sigh.

”a prince shouldn’t care for his knight…” he repeats, like he’s heard the string of words a million times before. ”the idea of that. i don’t understand it. never have.”

the smile that blossoms on his lips is soft, indescribably so, as if he’s looking at the most precious thing in his life. rich and warm, like wine in your veins, nectar on your tongue, a chest pressed against your own. dripping with fondness.

satoru tilts his head, as if in confusion — but he’s smiling. “what’s so strange about wanting to protect the one dearest to my heart?” 

…

his hand slips from your skin, a warmth leaving your cheek. only to search for your hand, again, cradling it in his larger palm. placing it right over his chest, against the soaked material of his blouse. ”feel that?”

you do. a rhythmic rise and fall, a soft flutter from the depths of his ribcage. as if it’s itching to break out, out of the cage that binds it, the hardened shell around it. a heart too big for his body.

”it’s you,” satoru whispers. ”all for you.”

a moment passes.

silently, you lean forward; tucking yourself into his neck. into that comforting warmth, wet skin beginning to dry, the steady thrum of his heart right by your ear. you listen. not saying a word, afraid of what might leave the confines of your strangled throat. it feels as if your heart has begun to crawl upwards, sweet honey blocking your airways, and all you can do it feel it pulse. 

all while satoru gazes at you, fondly. placing a big palm on the back of your head.

fireflies dance in the distance. butterflies flutter about. strings of lilacs bloom under the glow of the moon. and satoru’s heartbeat never changes, never falls out of tune, a sound you would recognize even if the sky were to shatter, if the world were to end. the sound that saved you, the boy who dragged you out of hell. into his light. 

satoru gojo is everything. he’s the beat of your heart, the silver of your sword, the reason you believe in goodness. he’s your prince, your favorite person, and you’ll protect him until your very last breath. until the world runs out of oxygen.

a boy so sweet you’d die for him.

(a boy so sweet he wouldn’t want you to.)

a shiver runs down his spine — sudden, a shudder of his bones, and a quiet little sniffle. you feel it, hear it, and don’t attempt to bite back the fond smile that slips into the curve of your lips.

”c’mon,” you beckon, almost a coo, placing your palms on his chest to hoist yourself up. ”let’s go home.”

but satoru shakes his head. and then he traps you again, strong arms around your waist, pressing you against him. you could escape — you’re almost certain you’re stronger — but you don’t quite have the heart to. ”it’s fine,” he huffs. almost a whine. ”stay.”

”you’ll get sick.”

”i never get sick.”

a deep exhale. tumbling from your lips, just a little bit humorous. mostly exasperated. ”that can change,” you mumble, fingertips dancing along his exposed skin. absentmindedly.

a smile. one you can’t see, but you hear it clear as day. he sounds content, like he’s got everything he needs right in front of him. ”some things never change,” he informs you. pleased. ”just look at us.”

and he’s right. so you don’t say anything else. 

but your heartbeat quickens, only for a beat or two, and you’re almost certain he feels it. if he does, he opts not to tease you for once, and you’re grateful. and so the silence lingers. as if time has begun to freeze, into an eternal dusk, a string of silent seconds. broken only by low melodic chirping from faraway fields, his soft breaths in your ear. 

until satoru suddenly chuckles.

“hey,” he hums, shifting a little, the river swaying around you. pulling back to meet your gaze, eyes crinkled and voice raspy. “wanna know a secret?”

you raise your head. a dubious look on your face, one that has him breathing out an amused puff of air, like you’re getting ready to hear a bad joke. “... what is it?”

before the words have fully left your throat, he’s resting his forehead against yours — breath fanning over your lips. a pleasant shiver trails down your spine, at the close proximity, goosebumps spreading across your chilled skin. only exacerbated by the whisper that follows, so quiet you almost don’t know if you heard him correctly. childlike in its sincerity. a sunlaced smile woven in between the vowels.

“i think i was born to meet you.”

(a sentiment so sweet you barely even feel the warmth of his lips meeting yours.)

[taohs]

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