#tumblr ain’t a place for that hating shit

[bbyglock]

Wish you were the homie. You seem really cool.

aw. thanks for thinking that. ✨

meanwhile, i have an anon who thinks i’m retarded or lazy cuz i would like someone to brush my teeth for me and then call it “being taken care of” lmao 😂

[area51-escapee]

I also think it’s funny when people make it clear they aren’t okay with bigots or people who want everyone to just be “welcoming and accepting of everyone” and they start going “wow 🙄 so much for being INCLUSIVE I guess 🙄🙄🙄 I can’t believe they’re excluding people over a difference in opinion 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄” when the opinion is wanting trans people dead and the excluding is trans people and their allies saying “actually I’m not okay with that”

[justagalwhowrites]

Halcyon - Ch. 11: What Else Would It Be?

You deal with the fallout from your ex's visit as you ring in the new year with Joel, Sarah and Tommy. A continuation of Halcyon from the prologue through Ch. 10, a modern no outbreak AU TLOU fic found on Tumblr here.

^Again, we're pretending like this is Joel. Even though he's a little old to be Joel at this point but YOU KNOW WHAT? WE'RE GONNA GO WITH IT HBO I BEG YOU

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Joel and Goldie being dumbasses. Modern No Outbreak AU, No use of Y/N, Slow burn, 18+ only, Minors DNI

Length: 5.1K

AO3 | Main Master List | Prologue | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Joel was kissing you. 

He tasted like coffee and you could smell his soap on his skin and his hand was on your lower back, fingers twisting in your shirt as he held you close to him. 

He pulled back slowly, breaking the kiss for a moment before moving to press a shorter, more familiar one to your lips. He looked at you for a moment, his eyes searching yours before looking to Gale. 

“You must be the…” Joel looked him up and down. “Ex-husband. Gus, is it?” 

Gale’s jaw quirked, looking between you and Joel. 

“Gale,” he corrected. “And I’m still the husband. At least for now.” 

“Ahh, right, right,” Joel nodded, tugging you against his side with a sharp little yank. “That paperwork you keep draggin’ your feet on. Can’t say I blame you, I wouldn’t want to let this one go, either, if I were able to lock her down…” 

“Wouldn’t call it dragging my feet…” 

Joel released you then, stepping closer to Gale. You’d never realized how much taller than him Joel was, the younger man at least three or four inches larger than the older. 

“What would you call it, then?” Joel asked. “I might call it tormenting your wife because you can’t stand the fact that she’s got a life outside you after you fucked it up. But that’s me, ain’t it Georgie?”

“Don’t think what happens in my marriage is much of your business,” Gale’s voice was heated, his back a little straighter. “Don’t think I caught your name. Or who you are to my wife.” 

“Me?” Joel asked. “Oh, I’m just the one who’s been lookin’ out for her while you take out your problems on her. Don’t worry, though. She’s doing just fine with me.” 

Gale looked at you and you snapped your mouth shut, only then realizing that it was hanging open. 

“Think I’ll head on out, darling,” he said, ducking around Joel go come and stand close to you, so close you were almost touching. Your heart stuttered and you hated it. “Seems like you might have your hands full.” 

He slipped an arm around your waist, making you jump a little, and pulled you close, looking at you like he was going to kiss you the way he used to for a moment. Instead, his lips brushed your cheek, his nose tracing over your temple as he pulled back from you. 

“Let me know when you’re back home,” he said. “And think about what I said.” 

He released you and Joel took his place beside you, pulling you into him as he watched Gale leave. 

“Don’t let that door hit you on the way out,” Joel called after him, holding you tight to his side so you couldn’t follow. His grip on you loosened when the two of you heard the car door slam. “Gonna give it a minute so he has a chance to get outta here but I did come bearing ice cream…” 

“Ice cream,” you turned to look at him, incredulous, your heart still racing from when he’d kissed you. “That’s what you’re worried about right now. Ice cream.” 

He shrugged. 

“I mean, it’s melting…” 

“Jesus Christ,” you stalked off to the kitchen, hoping to catch a glimpse of Gale’s car leaving from the small window as you leaned over the sink. 

“What?” He followed behind you. “C’mon, don’t tell me you’re all worked up over that…” 

Gale’s sleek, black rental car pulled onto the road, throwing dirt up behind it as it went. 

“Sorry if I fucked up whatever plans you had with that asshole,” Joel said, his voice a little heated. “But he’s a jackass and if you want to actually cross some of that shit off your list, you can’t just backslide into fucking your ex…” 

You just sighed and pinched the bridge of your nose, closing your eyes for a moment. Of course that was the part he was worried about. 

Not that you weren’t, too. It had just fallen much further down your list of concerns since Joel had kissed you. 

You hadn’t expected Joel to show up any more than you’d expected Gale to. 

When you hung up with Joel, a smile spread over Gale’s face and he looked happy to see you. Actually happy to see you, like seeing you was making his whole day. 

You couldn’t remember the last time he looked at you like that. 

“Are you going to invite me in?” He’d asked, brows raised. 

It took you a moment to register that he’d spoken. 

“Sorry, yes, sure,” you said, stepping aside. “Come in.” 

He smiled a little and came inside your cabin, looking around with an appreciative nod. 

“You always did like your quiet spaces when you were writing,” he said, making his way into your living room. “I remember when you were working on Halcyon, how you’d sometimes sit at the back of the closet, lights out, with just your laptop…” 

“It kept you from distracting me,” you smiled a little at the memory, that time seeming so close but so far away. “Speaking of which… what are you doing here?” 

“Distracting you,” he threw a small smile over his shoulder to you. You rolled your eyes but smiled a little back in spite of yourself. “I meant it when I said I missed you. My life’s been…” he paused for a moment. “Dim without you.” 

“Says volumes about Carla’s sparkling wit,” you said wryly, feeling bad almost the second it was out of your mouth. She was young, naive. She didn’t deserve you mocking her when she couldn’t even defend herself. 

But Gale laughed once. 

“I can’t say anyone’s ever put me through my paces quite like you, doll,” he said. “I didn’t know how I’d miss being challenged until I wasn’t anymore.” 

“You never liked when I challenged you,” you said. 

“No,” he nodded. “But, turns out… I like being blindly adored even less.” 

You scoffed at that. 

“I mean it,” he said, stepping close to you, close enough that you could smell is cologne. “Turns out, I need someone like you. Someone who can see me, see my flaws, challenge me, push me to be my best. I need someone who is smart and, believe it or not, intelligence isn’t the prerequisite for ivy league admittance you’d think it is. You’re one of the only people I know who is smart enough to keep me on my toes.” 

He reached out, brushing some unseen dust from your shoulder and then trailing his fingers over your neck. 

“I need you,” he said, so close to you now that you felt the familiar tug at the base of your chest, the way he’d always pulled you into his orbit. How you’d wanted to kiss him so badly in his office when you’d been young and desperately lonely and he seemed to understand you through your words the way no one had before. How you wanted to kiss him now because you hadn’t been kissed in so long. 

You swallowed, hard. 

“Tea?” You said quickly before you did something you’d regret later. You turned to head to the kitchen before he could respond. “I was just about to make myself a cup…” 

You could practically hear him smirk. 

“Sure,” he said. “You always did love your tea.” 

You made his tea just the way he liked it, Earl Grey with a splash of milk and a teaspoon of sugar, placing it in front of the seat he’d taken at the table. You sat across from him, hoping that some distance would help, trying to focus on the flavor of the tea you’d chosen - ginger peach - and the thick sweetness of honey on your tongue. 

“So,” Gale said after a moment, setting his mug in front of him and crossing his arms on the tabletop. “Tell me about this book.” 

You considered not talking to him about it for a moment. Writing had always felt so intimate to you, sharing it in any form while it was in process was mortifying. Gale had been the only person you’d ever been able to bear looking at your work before it was done and he’d always made it better. But he was nothing to you now, just a man who said he loved you once. 

Who was making it sound like he might love you again. How could you share this story with him? How could you not? 

“Well,” you sighed before you felt like you’d really made up your mind. “It’s about a marriage…” 

Gale drifted closer to you as you walked him through the story, how it had already changed over the few days you’d been working on the thing, where you wanted it to go. Before too long, he was beside you, his fingers trailing over your bicep to your elbow and back again. 

“I really have missed that mind of yours,” he said when you trailed off. His eyes were hungry on you, his body warm next to your own and, for half a moment, you wanted to kiss him and feel him against you and remember what it was to be desired for a while. 

But when he leaned toward you, something inside you shifted. 

Yes, you were lonely. Not in the same way you’d been lonely when you’d gone away to college and met Gale the first time - you had Joel now, after all - but lonely in a way that you were acutely aware that you were no one’s and no one was yours. You knew that, before too long, Joel would cross “stable relationship” off his list and you couldn’t just show up at his house and climb in his bed so you weren’t crying into your pillowcase in the dark when things went wrong. He would have his hands full with whoever he decided to actually stick with and Sarah. Anna would have her new baby. You’d be on your own. It was inevitable, the sword of Damocles waiting for love to take the people you cared for most on to their own lives that had little to do with you. Gale had been the only person who had ever, truly, been yours. Falling back into him was tempting for that reason alone but… He wasn’t who you wanted. 

You’d never tried to love your husband when Joel was near. You should have known that your feelings for Joel would drown out everything else, that you’d never have a hope of wanting someone else when he was there. And, as Gale leaned in to kiss you, all you could think was that he smelled wrong. 

He smelled like cologne and leather and something artificial that you couldn’t place. You’d liked that smell once. Now, it fell short. You wanted sawdust and soap with hints of sweat and chlorine. You wanted Joel.

But… Gale was still someone. And someone was better than no one. 

“Gale…” you said softly. 

And then there was the knock at your door and then Joel was there, kissing you like it was nothing and picking a fight with your soon-to-be ex-husband. 

“I wasn’t planning on getting back together with him,” you said, turning to face Joel, your back against the sink and your fingers gripping the counter as you tried to think about something - anything - beyond how he’d tasted when he’d kissed you. How his hair would feel between your fingers as you pulled him closer. 

“Good,” Joel said, standing opposite you in the galley kitchen, leaning back against the counter and crossing his arms as he did. “Because that man is nothing but bad for you, Goldie.” 

You rolled your eyes. 

“What?” He asked, incredulous. “I mean it…” 

“You didn’t know me when we were actually together,” you said. “We were actually a really great couple…” 

“Oh yeah,” he scoffed, shaking his head. “Sure you two had a ton in fuckin’ common…” 

“We did!” You protested. “I know you hate him on principle and I’m not about to ask you to stop but he’s really not a bad guy. I just… I couldn’t make it work.” 

Joel squared his jaw, looking like he wanted to fight you about it, but instead, he just sighed. 

“He gone?” He nodded to the window. You nodded once. “Good. I’ll go get the shit from the truck, back in a sec…” 

When you heard the front door close, your fingers traced your lips, ghosting over where Joel had kissed you as you tried to shake the longing in your chest before your best friend came back inside. 

***

“OK but it’s just one glass,” Sarah rolled her eyes at Joel from across the hot tub.

“And you’re 11,” Joel said. 

“But it’s New Year’s Eve!” She protested, treading water lightly even though it was so shallow she could barely go all the way under at all. 

“And you’re still 11,” Joel said. “You don’t need to have a glass of champagne.” 

“No one needs a glass of champagne,” she rolled her eyes again. 

“I might if I have to listen to you two fight anymore,” Tommy said. 

“Amen,” you replied, reaching across the hot tub with your beer bottle to toast him. Tommy reached back with his own and the two of you met in the middle, glass clinking together. 

“See, Goldie,” Tommy said. “Been saying I need someone else around to survive these two…” 

“Please,” Sarah scoffed. “I’m pretty sure I knew how to make breakfast before you did. I think you need us to survive, not the other way around.” 

You laughed and Joel watched you do it, trying not think too much about your lips and how they’d felt against him. As if he’d been able to stop thinking about that since he’d kissed you. 

“It don’t matter who needs what,” Joel said. “You’re 11, you’re not drinkin’ alcohol. You can have that entire bottle of sparkling cider…” 

“But what if I wanted a glass?” You asked, pouting a little. 

“Fine,” Joel sighed, knowing you were just making things difficult but too happy to humor you to call you on it. “You can have almost the entire bottle of sparkling cider. You can’t have champagne.” 

“You’re no fun,” Sarah slumped back, face scrunched, as the bubbles got the ends of her curls wet. 

“That’s what they call me,” Joel said. “No fun Dad.” 

“At least he lets you stay up until midnight,” you said, taking another sip of beer. “I didn’t get to do that until I was a teenager.” 

“See?” Joel nudged Sarah with his foot. “I could be worse.” 

“I guess,” she sighed dramatically before closing her eyes and resting her head back against the hot tub. 

You just looked at Joel and smiled a little and Joel tried to keep his eyes from drifting down to your cleavage that sat just below the water. Because he had to stop thinking about you that way. He had to.

He couldn’t have been more grateful for his brother and daughter’s arrival earlier that day. He’d pulled Tommy aside as soon as he showed Sarah her room and gave her a minute to get settled, pulling him onto the back patio where they’d have some privacy. 

“What the hell…” 

“I kissed Goldie,” Joel hissed, looking furtively back toward the house before looking at Tommy. 

“Wait what?” Tommy yelped and Joel was ready to strangle him. 

“Shh!” 

“Sorry!” Tommy whispered. “You did what? You kissed Goldie?” 

“Yeah,” Joel whispered back. 

“When?” 

“Yesterday, when I first got here…” 

“And all the time since, right?” 

Joel glared at his brother. 

“What?” Tommy said. “Reasonable question…” 

“Fuck off,” Joel said. “I can’t do this again, Tommy, I can’t lose her again because I wasn’t able to… Look. This can’t happen again, OK?” 

“OK,” Tommy said, voice calm. “So don’t do it again, seems easy enough…” 

“It’s not that simple,” Joel said. Tommy just raised his eyebrows at him and Joel sighed. “I can’t stop thinking about it, man. I kissed her. I kissed her…”

“It was just a kiss though, right?” Tommy said. “Not like you two fucked.” 

“No…” 

“So?” Tommy shrugged again. “It was a kiss. What are you, 12? It’s not the end of the world, man. So you fucked up, you kissed your best friend, shit happens…” 

“And it can’t happen again,” Joel said. 

“So don’t do it again. I can be a buffer if that’s what you need,” Tommy said. “But it’s just a kiss. Hate to say it but… grow a pair, man.” 

“Right,” Joel nodded slowly. He knew you weren’t overthinking this like he was, he knew it wouldn’t have meant anything to you and he needed to keep just playing it cool and pretending like he could think about anything else. “I just… you’re right. It was a mistake, it won’t happen again, I’m done doing stupid shit with her and then regretting it…” 

The door to the porch creaked, making Joel jump. 

“Hey guys?” You were standing there, looking between the two of them. “You up for a game of Mario Kart? Sarah’s getting the Switch set up…” 

“Yeah,” Joel forced a smile. “Be right there.” 

Joel sat on the opposite end of the couch from you, Tommy stuck in the middle and Sarah on the floor as the four of you played. 

He’d been straining to keep his distance from you since he got here. He shouldn’t have fucking kissed you. That was a mistake, the kind that could wreck his life if he wasn’t careful. What if you just took off again because he couldn’t keep his shit together? What if he had to find a way to excise you from his life again? 

That had been hard enough when you were both kids, it would be impossible now. It had only been a few short months but already he wasn’t sure how he’d survived without you. You were a fixture in his world now, the absence of you for all those years more acute now that he knew what he’d been missing that whole time. You could have been there with him if he’d just acted like a fucking adult and had some self control on prom night but he didn’t. Instead, he’d been a dumbass and he’d paid the price for that for years. He wasn’t about to let that happen again. 

But you were here, so close, close enough that he could touch you and hear you and fucking smell you. 

And he was sure that the plan had been for the two of you to share a room at the cabin. Why wouldn’t you? You shared one at home all the time, Joel sleeping so much more soundly when he could feel you settling into him as you drifted off. When you fell asleep, he always nuzzled into the top of your head as you used his chest as a pillow, taking advantage of the fact that you were unconscious to breathe you in and commit you to memory. He usually woke up curled around your back, your arms stretched far in front of you and your legs tangled in the sheets, nestled into your pillow instead of his skin. The nights you weren’t there, he pulled that pillow from your side of the bed close and held it like he wanted to hold onto you and tried to pretend it wasn’t the most fucking pathetic thing he’d ever done. 

The night after he’d kissed you, the two of you had slept in separate beds. That alone was almost enough to make him regret it.

But what the fuck else was he supposed to do when he saw you there in the grip of that asshole you’d been married to? That guy who’d been dragging you through divorce proceedings so roughly that you’d come over and just cried into Joel’s shoulder twice since you’d moved back. That guy who didn’t seem like he was content unless you were under his control. 

He was the kind of man who wouldn’t respect that you just said no. But he might respect another man’s claim so he’d kissed you. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time. 

Or that’s what he told himself it was. That it wasn’t a selfish excuse to do the one thing he’d been wanting to do for fucking weeks. 

Tommy and Sarah being here made it easier to stay away from you, at least. While the two of you had long since stopped acting like you didn’t share a room when you slept over, he had done his best to maintain some semblance of boundaries with you in front of Sarah. Fewer casual touches, no just holding you close because you were near him on the couch and he knew you wouldn’t mind. He didn’t want to confuse his daughter and make her think there was more to this than there was. When Tommy and Sarah were there, he didn’t need to find a reason to keep his distance. When Tommy and Sarah were there, he didn’t need to lie to himself and pretend that he wasn’t fighting to keep from kissing you again. 

He’d thought, at first, that he’d at least been able to dodge talking about it. That he’d played it cool enough that he’d thought the reasoning was obvious. But, once you were done angrily texting your agent to demand how Gale had gotten this address to begin with and had a few glasses of wine in you after dinner, you sat on the opposite end of the couch from Joel, a bowl of pecan praline ice cream balanced on your knees as you watched him closely. 

“What?” He asked, raising his brows at you. 

“Why did you do that?” You asked. 

“Do what?” 

“Kiss me.” 

You said it so plainly, as though you were asking why he ordered spaghetti at dinner or why he painted his living room sage green. 

“I know you think I hate your ex for no reason,” he said. “But I have a reason. I’ve seen how he’s been hurting you. Didn’t want him to think you were just his for the taking so…” 

He shrugged. 

“And that’s…” you paused for a moment, glancing to the side before looking back at him. “That’s the only reason?” 

His heart sped up. 

“Course it is,” he said, looking back at the movie you’d put on that he hadn’t been paying any damn attention to before, either. “What else would it be?” 

“Right,” you’d said. “You’re right.” 

Tommy and Sarah being there was a mercy. It saved him from more of those conversations. 

Even if he couldn’t stop thinking about kissing you. 

“We should think about heading inside,” you said, glancing at your phone. “It’s only an hour to midnight, figure we’d like to all be nice and dry by the time the countdown starts.” 

“Yeah, my first champagne toast should really be done in dry clothes,” Sarah said sagely. 

“No champagne,” Joel said. “But yes, dry clothes. Let’s go, kiddo.” 

She groaned and you and Tommy laughed and at least Joel could take comfort in the fact that he’d figured out this part of his life. He could do this, if he really focused on it. He could just take care of his daughter and just be friends with you and just keep an eye on his little brother. He didn’t need to be anything more to you. He could live with that. 

If that’s what it took to keep you in his life at all? He could really, really live with that. 

The four of you made your way inside and got changed into pajamas before gathering around the TV to watch people partying around the country, the adults starting in on the champagne and Sarah sipping her cider with her pinky extended. 

“So,” you said. “What’s everyone excited for in 2023?” 

“Taylor Swift,” Sarah said automatically. 

You laughed. 

“Alright, maybe that was too easy,” you said. “What’s everyone thankful for going into 2023?” 

“Still Taylor Swift,” Sarah said and you laughed again. “But really… probably getting to play soccer and stuff with my best friends. And Swiftie. She’s the best cat in the world.” 

“Those are good,” you nodded, looking to Tommy. “You?” 

“I’m thankful there are still women in Austin willing to go on dates with me,” Tommy said. Joel snorted and Tommy elbowed him in the ribs. “What about you, Goldie?” 

“I’m thankful that I’m someplace I can put down some roots again,” you said. “And that I won’t need to up and move in 2023.” You turned toward Joel, your head cocked and a soft smile on your face and he could remember how you tasted a little like honey when he kissed you. “Joel?” 

“Thankful for Sarah, of course,” he said. Sarah rolled her eyes. “What, baby girl? I am.” 

“Something besides me,” she said. “We all know I’m a gift…” 

“Christ your teenage years are gonna be rough with that ego,” Joel sighed and Sarah laughed. “But… I dunno… probably just having Goldie back in Texas. Hasn’t been the same without her here.” 

“Joel,” you looked at him, a little misty eyed. “Really?” 

“Course,” he smiled a little. “I missed you, Goldie Girl.” 

You smiled back. 

“I missed you, too.” 

“The countdown is up!” Sarah jumped to her feet and pointed at the icon in the corner. “Just a minute left!” 

The adults all got to their feet and pressed closer to the TV screen, watching as the numbers got lower and lower and the year that you’d come back to Joel grew closer and closer to being in the past. 

“Five! Four! Three! Two! One! Happy New Year!” 

The four of you cheered and hugged and toasted and drank and Sarah pressed herself against Joel’s side, giving him a squeeze. 

“Love you, Dad,” she said quietly. 

“Love you, too, Kiddo,” he said, kissing the crown of her head and squeezing her back. 

She pulled away from him to go hug Tommy and Joel looked to you, finding you watching the screen with your eyes rimmed in tears, champagne glass half empty in your grip. You didn’t seem to notice that Joel was watching you, downing the rest of your drink in one go before setting the glass down on the coffee table and heading for the back door. 

Joel glanced back at Sarah and Tommy, a frown on his brother’s face but his daughter seemingly oblivious to the fact that you’d just left. Joel jerked his head toward the door and Tommy gave him a single nod as Joel followed you into the backyard. 

He didn’t see you at first. You weren’t on the patio or the deck and then, in the glow of a firework that someone set off from across the lake behind the cabin, he saw you, staring out from the water’s edge. 

He went over to you and you didn’t seem to notice him, frozen as you looked at the lake. 

“Goldie?” Joel asked as he got close, not wanting to spook you. You jumped anyway. “Sorry, wasn’t tryin’ to scare you.” 

“It’s OK,” you said, smiling tightly at him as he took his place at your side. “I’m just jumpy, apparently.” 

“You alright?” He asked, standing close enough to you that he could feel the warmth of you. “You kinda blew outta there and it’s cold out here…” 

“I’m fine,” you said, looking back out at the water. “Just… needed some air.” 

“Air,” Joel said, trying to hide the skepticism in his voice. Another firework cracked over the lake, the sparks of it reflected on the water. “You sure that’s it?” 

You looked over at him again, your arms crossed tightly in front of you. Another firework and he could see the fog of your breath in front of your lips. 

“Partially,” you smiled a little again before looking back to the water and taking a deep breath. “But… it’s also that this is the second year that I’m alone on New Year’s Eve. Second year I’m starting things off on my own. Second year I can’t even find some random guy to kiss me at a party…” 

“You’re not alone,” Joel said gently. “You’ve got me n’Sarah…” 

“It’s not the same,” you said. “But the thought is sweet, though.” 

“It’s not like last year,” he said. “It’s going to be different…” 

“Because things are going to magically get better?” You asked, turning to face him, your brows raised. “Because you’re going to just invent someone who’s going to actually want me so you can help me cross off my check list?” 

“Goldie…” You winced, closing your eyes tightly for a moment and taking a deep breath. 

“I’m sorry,” you waved him off. “None of this is your fault, I don’t know why I’m taking it out on you, it’s not fair to you. You’re right, it is different now and I’m so thankful I have you and Sarah and even Tommy. I just… I wish I had someone who wanted to kiss me at midnight, you know?” 

Joel’s throat was dry, so dry that he couldn’t seem to form the words he so desperately wanted to say. 

“Sorry,” you said again. “We should get back before Sarah notices…” 

You turned to go, dropping your arms and heading back up the short hill toward the cabin but Joel caught your wrist, pulling you back toward him. You frowned a little, facing him and looking between where he was holding you and his face. 

“I know it’s not what you want it to be,” he said, reaching out slowly to gently cup your cheek. “But… I think friends can kiss for New Year’s, right?” 

“Right,” you said, a little breathless, your eyes wide. “Friends.”

“Right,” Joel whispered back, dropping your wrist to wrap his arm around your back and pull you against him, making your back arch as you pressed your body into his. “Friends.”

His eyes searched yours, waiting for you to object or to push him away, but you didn’t. Instead, he got closer and closer to you, until his eyes were closed and his lips were against yours and, for the second time in as many days, he kissed you. 

For the second time in as many days, he didn’t want to stop.

Next Chapter

A/N: I mean I think we all knew I wasn't going to let them get together so soon, right?

Right??

OK, cool.

But I promise, this is going to have repercussions very, very soon in this fic. I love these two and their push pull and I'm so sorry but I'm going to torment you all with it, too. OK?

Thanks for being here! Love you!!

[aikuse]

CRAWL HOME TO HER | 2,724 words (~21 minutes reading time). gn!reader, major character death, descriptions of universe-accurate deaths, accidental necromancy.

author’s notes: did not think i’d run into a kinktober piece given how i’m still getting my groove back, but there was one tumblr post i saw that just punted me into next week. so…here we are! enjoy. i haven’t written for this guy in a little while…i missed him <3 i'm taking a bit of a different vibe here with doing parts of a topic instead of one-shots! therefore, this will have a second part i'll release at some point this month. enjoy! -> taglist: @qichun @fuyuswifey @suyacho @stunies -> join the taglist!

it’s quiet. too quiet.

the fog that drifts over the city is thick, light rain speckling against the gravestones as you meander through the rows. some of the stones are barely readable, long forgotten from families who have since moved on. some are fresher, emblazoned with golden lettering, untouched by the weather. despite the rain, incense smoke hangs in the air, pungent scents of patchouli and dragon’s blood sharp in the lazy breeze.

your destination looms in front of you, the stench of freshly moved soil clinging to your nose as you settle down, your backpack landing lightly on the floor next to you. you pull out a packaged bento box, leaving it in your lap before lighting your own incense sticks. one is placed in front of an older gravestone, the next on the much newer stone beside it. the ground beneath the second stone is churned; there’s an incredibly faint stench of death from it, but you chalk it up to the bleary weather.

there are no words to share between you and the dead, but you begin to talk anyway.

“there was no funeral, you know.”

you stare at the name that’s emblazoned on the newer stone. the name HANMA SHUJI glares back at you. you continue.

“i knew you were involved in some shady shit, shuji, but…my god,” you say, sounding like a chiding mother as you shake your head, “i didn’t realize you were that stupid. getting yourself wrapped up with a crime syndicate? really?”

the words that leave your mouth are forcing a reaction from your chest. it’s tightening up, and angry tears prick at your eyes as you’re shot back into the past, only for a moment. you can feel the spring breeze drifting through your hair, a whisper of the sunshine tickling your face. you turn towards the main path, chopsticks frozen in your hand, as you watch two ghosts sprint through the yard.

one is tall, far too tall and gangly to be anyone else but shuji. he holds onto a much younger version of you’s hand, sly smile plastered across his face as he stumbles after you. your hand is tight around his own, fingers interlocking as you match his smile. your voice echoes across time; if you hadn’t been paying attention, you’d have missed it.

come on! we’re already late, and you know i hate taking this shortcut. it’s creepy!

shuji’s laugh sounds like a wind chime.

c’mon, doll, it ain’t that bad. you got me here, anyway. i’ll protect ya from the scary ghosts.

the spirits dissipate into the fog, gone as quickly as they came. like a dream.

you turn back to the stones. KISAKI TETTA stares back at you from the older stone, and you sigh, swallowing heavily. “and you,” you say, your voice shaking as you point your chopsticks at the offending name, “you knew better. you should have known better than all of us. you were smarter than all of us, and you went and got yourself flattened by a fucking supply truck. ridiculous.”

there’s wetness on your cheeks now, rage making the bento box in your lap unappetizing. you place it on the ground, crossing your arms over your chest. your jaw sets as you return your gaze to Shuji. your voice is so small for the anger that’s tearing through your muscles.

“you promised me you’d protect me. you promised.”

that’s the straw that breaks you. that stupid little comment he’d made so long ago, so long before you’d all gotten wrapped up in the horrors of what Kisaki’s plans had brought you all. you’d gotten out of it somehow, escaping his slimy clutches, but Shuji was not so lucky. he was too entranced, too addicted to the chase. it would’ve ended badly no matter what, for him.

the tears falling from your face drip into the soil as you bend over, your stomach twisting inside of your body. they mix in with the drizzle, soaking down into the dirt. you think nothing of it; why would you?

it’s just rain. it’s just tears. tears that have built up over years of frustration, of a reaction to a phone call you’d never have imagined you’d receive.

you can’t stay here. if you do you’re going to end up ripping both of their stones out and throwing them into the street. the bento box, uneaten, disappears into your bag, along with everything else. all that’s left behind of an indication that you visited is the incense burning in front of both stones.

as you go to open the gate, you could’ve sworn you heard something move. it sounded like digging, a scrabbling noise similar to a sound a rat makes as it crawls up a pipe. you turn around; but nothing is out of the ordinary behind you. all the stones are still where they should be, the dirt untouched.

“fucking ghosts.”

still…you can’t get rid of the feeling that someone is watching you as you walk home. your neck hairs feel like they’re standing up completely straight, no matter how many times you scratch that stretch of skin.

the relief you feel after getting inside your house is immeasurable.

the feeling stops.

the rain only gets worse as the day progresses.

you stay inside; you have off work today, so you make yourself a nice tea and settle into the couch with a good book you’ve been pushing off on finishing. you deserve a nice day to yourself; and a rainy day is a fantastic excuse to do so.

the night comes before you realize it, the street lamps turning on amongst the torrential downpour. it’s a mess out there, car engines muffled by the rain hammering on your roof. you trudge into the kitchen, an instant ramen packet making its way into a bowl and into the microwave. tonight was not the night to be making dinner; low effort food was better than no food, and you did still have the bento box.

the movie you put on drifts you to sleep, warm ramen and bento in your belly as your eyes slide shut. despite your mini-breakdown in the graveyard, you feel good that you went. you know shuji would have appreciated it, in his own little way. you can practically see his crooked smile behind your eyelids. a visit? for me? you shouldn’t have, doll. feelin’ pretty taken care of.

“fuck you,” you whisper as sleep finally claims you.

it doesn’t last for long.

a loud bang on the door forces you awake. your watch that you hold up to your face reads 03:00 AM in bright numbers, and you groggily wipe at your eyes. “the fuck?” you say to yourself, wondering how badly this person needs you to answer the door. you pause before getting up, waiting for another knock. maybe if you don’t make yourself known to be home, they’ll go away — none of your indoor lights are on to indicate you’re even home, barring the normal porch light. you can see a shadow against the wall, but nothing more.

the banging starts again, even louder this time, and you jump to your feet. adrenaline spikes through your veins, fear clutching at you as you pad towards the door. “my god, okay, okay!” you holler towards the door as your hand lands on the doorknob.

you don’t turn it, though. you’re frozen all of a sudden.

the doorknob’s golden cover is ice cold. like someone is chilling it from the outside.

something primal arises in you. it’s a flight response, you’ve felt it before so many times when you’d hang around kisaki and shuji. you know it so well, even after all these years. why now? your brain panics, neurons firing, colliding information around in your head as if your very self is going scorched earth. every alarm in your mind is going off, telling you to not open this fucking door.

what the fuck what the fuck what the f—

you yank it open anyway. it takes effort, more effort than you’re used to, but you do it anyway.

a beat passes as your eyes take in what’s been lurking and banging behind the wooden door, and then you’re screaming. a bloodcurdling scream, one that sounded as if its coming from a prey animal having been caught by a predator, calling for help. it sounds far away — you can feel your vocal chords moving, but the sound doesn’t sound like it’s coming from you.

a humanoid hand slams over your mouth, pushing you back inside. the door closes behind the intruder, and you just stand there, shaking, letting its hand pressure your mouth as if wanting it to shut you up. heaven knows you wouldn’t have been able to stop at the horror you see before you.

it’s shuji. and he is covered in dirt.

it sticks to his pale skin, bits falling onto your carpet. he stinks of death, brown soil and grass dirtying the remaining fabric of his three-piece striped suit. dried blood is caked all over him, only adding to the horrible smell that’s coming off of him.

your eyes move upwards.

his lips seem normal; not the undead purple that you’re used to seeing in your shitty zombie Halloween movies. in fact, he seems relatively intact despite being dead as the dirt that clings to his body from hours ago.

he’s even wearing circular glasses as you look up to meet his eyes, against every screeching nerve of your judgement.

his eyes are…normal.

well, they’re glowing, which is different.

but they’re the same gold and purple that you remember. one of his lenses is broken, cracks spiderwebbed across its surface. beyond that, the structure of the frames seems as though its kept up. the crack looks newer. one of his hands comes up to his face to push the glasses further up his nose — you don’t miss the dirt caked under his broken fingernails. they’re cracked in odd places, as if…

as if he clawed his way out of the grave you were just at.

your entire body is frozen. you can’t scream anymore even if you wanted to, and he seems to recognize that as he removes his large hand. his hands are clammy, but he says nothing. he looks almost as surprised as you are, but in a different way. there’s no fear in his eyes, not a single hint of it. you would know; you’ve seen him afraid a handful of times, but for some reason there’s nothing like that there.

there’s only a strong, intense look. the word that appears in your brain is devotion.

something finally clicks in your brain, and you can move again.

you take a step back.

he takes a step forward.

you take another step back.

he takes another step forward.

your hand, shaking so hard you can barely point at him, raises. your finger quivers.

“y-y-y-y-you’re s-supposed to be—”

for the first time since rising again, shuji speaks.

“dead?”

his voice is gravelly. harsh. like he hasn’t used it in a while — which you instantly scoff at, because yeah, of course he wouldn’t have used it in a while. he’s been dead for weeks!

“yes!” it comes out as a squeak, your pointer finger still jabbing at him. “what the fuck! what is this? is this a sick joke? who are you? why are you dressed up as my friend? why—”

he lurches forward, hand gripping onto your shoulder. his grip is more intense than it used to be, as if he’s trying to dig underneath your skin. dig, dig, dig. as if to root himself inside of you.

you should run, you know that. you should run to your room and lock the door and pray to every god that he goes away. you should run the few steps through the kitchen to grab one of your knives, even if killing him again won’t kill him forever since he clearly can’t just stay dead. there’s a glimmer of hope that he disappears with the night, like a bad dream. this is just a bad dream, a nightmare. just a nightmare, of course, why didn’t you—

“not a dream, doll. it’s me.”

did i say that out loud?

the pet name flips a switch, and where there was cold fear, warm rage floods through your veins. you push off his hand with more force than you think you have, and your palms plant on his chest, ready to shove him away.

your hands freeze against him, like you can’t move him. like he locks your hands in place simply by touching him. the tile beneath your bare feet actively battles against you.

“fuck you,” you spit at him, pressing against him, trying to move your hands as his eyes widen behind his glasses, “fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. i cannot believe you— what the fuck is this? what the fuck are you doing here? how dare you—”

a litany of curses falls from your mouth in a rainstorm, almost as terrifying as the storm echoing outside. thunder rumbles and cracks as your voice raises in tone, lightning flashing through the window. it lights up shuji’s face, and his expression has your hands curling into fists, beating his chest, slamming against the clammy skin.

“why?” you finally shriek. “why now? why would you torment me like this? do you know how long it took me to gather the courage to even bother visiting you and Tetta? do you understand how this fucked me up? how my first fucking boyfriend died in some dumb ass stand-off in a gang that you didn’t belong in when you should have just—fucking stayed with me? DO YOU?”

a final thunderclap shakes your apartment’s walls, as if the very gods are rioting against what’s happening in your kitchen. as if they disagree with the unspoken ritual that’s happened to bring shuji back. as if they are as angry as you are for seeing the man you loved since you were a child standing in your kitchen, dripping blood, dirt and viscera all over your white tile.

your voice dies in your throat, the last words you’d spoken echoing around the apartment. tears flood your cheeks, dripping onto the floor. shuji says nothing, eyes wide in surprise. he studies you, more than he used to; he was always so flippant, but now…it looks like he’s actually listening. like he can actually hear you for once.

he looks hurt.

“no.”

his answer is short. you feel like an egg cracked open now, arms falling uselessly by your sides as you stand there and cry in front of him, sobs tearing at your throat. “how could you?” you manage to get out, watching him through bleary eyes, more sobs falling from your lips. you let him move to you—

and his arms wrap around you.

his lips press against the shell of your ear as your sobs quiet into sniffles and hiccups.

“i’m so sorry. i’m so, so, so sorry, doll. so sorry.”

“you think an apology is gonna fix this?” you whisper wetly.

“no.”

“then why would you—”

“because even if you take or not, you still deserve one.”

you’ve been through so many emotions in the past minutes. it’s felt like a whirlwind. “i know, moron,” you hiccup, “but you haven’t answered me. why are you here?”

shuji moves away from you then. there’s color coming back into his cheeks, as if he’s warming up again just by standing in the heat of your home. the dirt has liquefied, rivulets dripping off of him and onto your floor, but you don’t care. you’re suddenly so tired, your legs shaking, but you need an answer. you need him to answer you—

“because of you. because you need me. because i love you.”

you blink. “y-you what?” you gasp out.

he repeats himself, like he’s reading out the ingredients on the back of a soup can. it feels so far away as your legs finally give out, the floor quickly speeding towards your vision. you don’t miss the feeling of him catching you, large (warmed) hands wrapped around your figure as you pass out. his declaration lingers, though, like a whisper as you let yourself slip into unconsciousness.

“i love you.”

divider credit: @/cafekitsune networks: @pixelcafe-network @themovingcastlez

disclaimer: DO NOT copy or repost my works for any reason. translations are acceptable, but please ask for permission first!

© togamest 2023-2024

[stillnotyourmusebitch]

Ain't nothing but a shower scene - Hellboy x Afab!Reader

I am reposting my old hellboy fics on tumblr again.

(These are from my old account)

I had to admit that HB truly had the best shower in the whole of the Colorado B.P.R.D. headquarters. So, when I get the chance to make use of these facilities, you know I will.

But sadly, due to the sheer amount of bloody research I have had to complete over the past eight days, I haven’t been able to see very much of or be anywhere near Hellboy. If it wasn’t for Alice insisting, I really need to take a break and that it wasn’t normal to go so long without sleep, food or the basics of hygiene.

Normally I would flip her off, then go back to my work. Drinking my umpteenth coffee of the day, but I hate to admit it the kid was right. Gods, I could actually smell myself. That is never a good sign.

Marking my place in the old dusty tome I was halfway through reading/translating. I scrape the chair backwards unceremoniously loud along the floor to let people near me know I was in fact leaving the much-needed research table and if anyone messes with my organisation system in my absence, I will ruin them.

Upon standing for longer than needed to walk to the coffee machine and back. Only then did I realise how dog gone tired I really was. Taking my time I slowly and carefully make my way through the facilities many winding corridors. Trying my hardest not to bump into other agents or the walls, until I arrive at Hellboy’s quarters. At the first glance I can see he isn’t there which is both a blessing and a little disappointing.

Yes, I do get the shower and bed to myself for the time being but that also means I missed out on seeing him. We have really become good, close friends.

Now you are probably wondering why I have been mentioning HB a lot. Well that is simple we have been sharing his room ever since a certain someone magically managed to punch a massive hole through my exterior wall and out into the cold mountain air. He claims to have been swatting a fly. Not that there were any in my room at the time. But there was still no need to punch a massive three feet wide hole in my wall with his stone hand at that.

So I am now staying with him for however long it takes to patch the damage up. He insisted on sharing with me as an apology. It’s been over three weeks now and there was still a gaping hole in my quarters wall. I ain’t complaining tho. Hellboy really did have the best rooms in the facility and I’m damn well sure gonna make use of them. Since I had the place to myself I start stripping out of my uniform until I was stark naked and fiddling with the nobs and handles to try and get the water running in the oversized shower exactly how I preferred, amping up the heat to scolding levels that I find great comfort in. Maybe it is because it steams up the entire bathroom area nicely to the point I feel like I’m in a warm, safe cocooned state.

The multiple water jets pummel at my aching back and shoulders. I groan out at the blissfully sensation of my body finally unwinding and relaxing. Oh how I have needed this time to gain back my spark. I grab the bottle body wash that smells just like him. A calming fig and leather scent. I work up the lather in my hands then tackle the layers of dried on sweat and dirt I have accumulated over the past 8 days. Somewhere in between cleaning myself and the warmth of the water. I found that it managed to amplify the scent of the body wash. To the point it felt like he was right there with me. Meer inches behind me.

Maybe I let my imagination get away from me but it was as if his unique stone hand was scratching lazily down my hip. I try to lean back into what would have been his chest only to meet thin air.

“Shit.” I mutter to myself. This is not the time or the place to be thinking such things. Scrubbing the hot water over my face to try and clear my perverted mind of thoughts that were just that. Thoughts.

It isn’t that I don’t find him handsome. Oh I really did I mean that guy can charm the pants off anyone given the chance but we were only friends and nothing more.

“No, get outta your head. Finish your shower and have a damned nap, then back to work you go.” I spoke firmly to myself as I shut off the water.

I left the bathroom grabbing a clean towel and throwing it over my head to begin drying my hair as I wander back into the main part of the bedroom.

Someone clears their throat. I rip the towel off my head to see Hellboy stood there staring at me. His eyes are roaming all the skin available to him and it takes me a second to click I am stood there completely starkers. I try to cover myself but at this point what is the use. He has seen all of me now. I sigh.

“When did you get back?” I try and break the awkward silence as I continue to towel dry my hair.

His duffel bag drops with a thud to bring him back to the question I just asked him.

“Urm, just got back from a mission. Was gonna come looking for you actually.” He was clearly unsure if he was to look away or stare.

“Well you found me Red.” I say as I bend to dry my legs. “What do you want?” I ask casually, unsure where this confidence in my body has come from.

“You.” He breathed out the word in a contented sigh and a goofy smile on his lips.

I definitely heard him correctly trying to hide a creeping smile tugging at the corner of my lips. I stood back up to my full height taking the small grey towel away from my legs and dropped into on the floor.

“I didn’t quite hear that. I must still have water in my ears.”

His gaze drops to the floor

“Well.” I take a step closer to him. “You have me.”

His golden eyes flick up back to mine to see if there was any hint of hesitation or a cruel prank.

“Do I?” His voice low in a sort of warning that if I was messing with him I needed to stop now.

I kept moving slowly closer to him. The warmth of his body begins to radiate into mine from a couple feet away. He could see I wasn’t playing with him and that I really did want this. Whatever this moment was that clung in the warm air left behind by my shower.

As I got close enough to feel his body against mine I turn as take his right hand in mine and pacing it over my hip in the way I imagined only minutes before I had turned the water off. He is hesitant in his touch as all he knows is how to break and destroy with this hand but I want to show him the things he was clearly missing out on.

“You know you do.” Saying these simple words seemed to break the dam in both of us. His left arm winds around me stomach pulling me flush against his chest. His right hand caressing my hip and upper thigh. The contrast of his flesh hand and the stone one is magical. All the while his mouth descends upon my exposed throat kissing and suckling at the flesh marking my skin not that I cared. I grind back against him causing him to break contact and spin me to face him dead on.

“You’re playing with fire (Y/n). Are you sure you want this?” I can see a flicker of concern in his features. His golden eyes are purely molten with lust.

“More than you know big guy. I’m not afraid to get burned.” I scratch my nails down his firm pectorals.

His left hand cradles the back of my neck bringing me in for a kiss that could wake a million princesses, princes, kings, queens. Hell a whole kingdom from a cursed sleep. His lips are so intoxicating and I can’t get enough of him. I leap up as we break for air. His strong arms catch under my thighs and we go back to kissing like the world is going to end. It is bound to happen one day but right now all I need is him. I push at his large brown coat to try and remove the infuriating item of clothing to give me more of him to explore.

Hellboy can feel me pushing at the jacket. Seeing no other way to remove it with me in his arms. He moves us both to the nearest divider wall in his room and pins my body there with the weight and strength of his hips holding me in place as we break apart to gasp in lungful’s of air. I’m sure our lip look kiss swollen from such a fiery kiss that has become one of the best make out sessions I have ever had. He tears away the jacket, letting it drop to the ground, his hands go to my chest and thumbs swiping at my hardening nipples.

I’m chanting in my mind for him to use that mouth on them. He leans back slightly before slamming his hands either side of my head.

“We can stop now if you want. I don’t want to overstep.” I see the genuine concern on his beautiful face.

“I want this Red. I need you.” I rest my forehead against his.

“I could sure get used to this.” He smirks to himself.

“So could I. but unless you fucking touch me I will implode and take the entirety of the mountainside with me..” I grind down on his member that was tenting so wonderfully in his dark trousers.

It was my turn to get him panting beneath me.

“(Y/n), baby. I am trying to have some restraint here as not to hurt you . . . “

“I’m no China doll. You won’t break me. Remember I have advanced genetic healing, anyway I want you to mark me. Let everyone know who it is I belong to.” I say as I stretch my arms up above my head to grasp either side of the thin divider wall and use my legs to pull him back firmly against me possessively.

Hellboy is mulling over my words with a hooded gaze. His left hand grasps my throat squeezing it generously. “Is that right? You belong to me and only me now. You are mine.” His words are almost a low growl as he speaks he moves his lips closer and closer to mine. He speaks the last word with his lips grazing mine.

I mirror the word mine before he descends into another mind blowing kiss. I’m so engrossed in the sensation of our lips moving in perfect rhythm. That I don’t notice he has pried away his right hand from the slight indentation he left on the wall by my head, so he can unbuckle his belt and trousers in a swift movement, freeing his engorged cock to slap up against my ass. He hisses at the skin contact. I feel the stuttering in his hips. He really is trying to stay in control. When his left hand loosens on my throat I break the kiss to grasp that hand and bring the digits to my mouth and suck at them in earnest.

I moan around those fingers as I close my eyes and just being in the moment. I stay like this for as long as either of us could take. When I open my eyes, I pull away his fingers from my mouth with an emphasised pop sound. Then guide them in between our bodies till he feels just how much I truly need him. He easily inserts one digit into me gasping at the wet tightness that greets him. A second digit followed by a third in quick succession are enough to have me moaning his name in an almost scared prayer. He thrusts those fingers so well that the heel of his palm grinds down on my bundle of nerves that sparks lightning through my limbs and curls my toes.

“Ffffffuck (y/n) I’m not gonna last if you keep this up.” He is groaning from the way our bodies are so close to that final embrace we both need.

“Then take me Red. Fuck me and claim me as yours and only yours” I’m so close to falling over that blissful edge of completion when he withdraws his fingers, bringing them to his lips he sees the mess I have become.

“Oh (y/n) Is this all for me? It must be my birthday.” He exaggerates the last sentence by swiping the flat of his tongue up to gather the distinct flavour of my arousal. “Better than I imagined.” He cleans his fingers of my taste.

“Bed now.” I need this man to fuck me and or let me ride him. He chuckles at my enthusiasm but takes my ever so subtle hint to move to the oversized bed. Dropping onto the mattress Hellboy turns at the last moment so I’m straddling those thick muscular thighs of his. “Red, you gotta let me take care of you.”

I push his chest lightly till his back hit the plush covers. I manoeuvre so I am able strip him of trousers and help him kick off those clunky boots to free those cloven feet I rarely get to see.

Crawling up his chest slowly to make sure I still have his full attention, kissing here and there to see if I can hear those wondrous sounds.

“Baby, you’re killing me.” His hands move along my sides to my hips, giving them a firm squeeze. “Please I need more.”

I kiss him once more before positioning body so I can stroke his girthy cock in my palm. He bucks into my palm. I can tell he needs more. Mouth-watering ideas flash into my mind which I lock away for later use.

With is cock still in my palm I move so I can gather up the wetness pooling between my thighs.

“You ready big guy?” I lock eyes with him. He can only nod in agreement.

Slowly I guide him to my entrance. I push down till the head of his cock disappears inside me. I gasp at the feel of him stretching me so sinfully. Inch my inch I lower down onto him until I am completely seating on him.

I watch his face melt into that of awe. Here I am taking his cock so well. Clenching at the thickness of him.

“You okay there (y/n)?” He knows that he is well endowed and some people can’t take him completely the way I just have.

I experiment by rocking my hips gently. We moan out in unison. This urges me to move more and slightly faster.

Hellboy begins to rut up into me, I push down to meet him thrust for thrust. We work up into a pattern that transcends anything my simple fingers could live up to on those late nights alone in my room.

Our left hands interlock as we move as one. The room around us is filled with the wet slap of skin on skin, loud moans of each other’s name and the encouragement to go faster and harder.

“I’m so close Red. Please I need to. . .” I cry out.

“Cum for me (y/n). I got you.” His thrusts are becoming sloppy now. I know he is so close too. I lean forward to kiss him once more. This new angle is all I need to climax harder than anything in my entire life. A few more haphazard thrusts later and he spills inside of me.

I slump against his sweaty chest. Grinning from ear to ear which I know he is mirroring above me. We stay like this till we get our breath back. Shakily I climb off him and lay down by his side completely stated.

“Wow.” He turns his head to look at me. “Are you okay?”

“Mmm, yes I am now.” I try not to yawn but I know I will drift off soon after such a satisfying ‘workout’

He shift on the bed to go and grab something from the direction of the ensuite. He returns seconds later with a damp cool cloth. He takes care of me before climbing back on the bed to pull my against his chest.

“Sleep now. I got you.” I feel him lightly kiss my hairline before sleep takes me.

[munsonology]

Officially got my first hate anon! I like that I’m a safe place for many people here, and known for being kind because I am, but that doesn’t mean I can’t take you to the library! And guess what you dumb bitch, I was doing laundry and I HAVE TIME

First of all you fucking loser ya mama must’ve been cleaning with bleach and ammonia because of how stupid you sound, and if you’re this fuckin dumb she should’ve aborted your cretin ass.

The fact that you sent the same shit to multiple people just proves you know how to copy and paste. You’re a pussy. You say this shit on anon like it gives you some power when the gag is you’re a fucking loser who has nothing else going on than tumblr bullshit and since you have nothing going on on there too you wanna start bullshit. Newsflash! I’m not the fuckin 1 or the 2. I reported you to tumblr for perpetuating hate of protected categories ya dumb fuck.

Now let’s unpack some of these ‘claims’ you think you made.

1. I’ve never stolen shit. Everything I’ve posted has been an original thought from MY mind, something you seem to lack. I don’t need to steal shit from anybody.

2. Obviously you must be a fan since you’re able to identify such ‘claims’ (fake news btw)

3. I’m not gay, if you hadn’t noticed how much I talk about DICK AND BALLS. Shout out to all the lesbians and those who do refer to themselves as dykes! You make the world go round ❤️

4. Ugly I am not, in fact it must make your blood boil at how I’m NOT fucking ugly. I have big titties and a fat ass, I don’t need to offer Joesph Quinn $1 million to look my way because he’d look my way for free

5. I’m not confused about my sexuality, I like dick

6. Everybody you named are just a handful of the sweetest people I’ve met online, who have all been burned by bigger writers for one reason or another. Nobody has made a clique, it’s called friendships of which you have none. I’m friends with many people here, many who to my surprise hate each other, but I manage to safely and lovingly interact with most, and you will NOT destroy the bubble I’ve built, especially when it comes to my beautiful and lovely anons (of which you are not and never will be)

7. This wasn’t in your manifesto but I’m going to assume you’re another writer as well because let’s face it, there’s no way you’re not, not with being this chronically online.

8. Idk who tf you’re mad at but it ain’t us beloved

9. Fuck you

10. You gonna end up eating cement running your mouth like this, because if you do this shit irl…idk get ya casket ready or somethin

Dumb cunt 💀

[lucifervchatse]

Eye Contact

This is my first Fic post and im still adjusting to the tumblr Layout. (it’s whooping my ass)

Description: You and ony have been dating for a few months. You’ve been taking anti depressants and your mood has been shot.

wk:: idk..

Warnings? Aggressive behavior, semi-Toxicish, short-Smut. fem!Reader who’s black and autistic. cussing .Eye contact. Hair pulling. Cream pie! small age gap. 4 years~ bad communication. Nigga is used. pet names (I’m adding this shit on as i write) doggy style then upward doggy. Ony a sweetie pie yall.

You hated eye contact. It always makes you uncomfortable. Which is so easy to read with you, once you started playing with your locs it’s obvious when you started to play with your hair and pat your head that you’re uncomfortable.

Yet people still demand you to look you in their eye. Your boyfriend Ony understands to a certain point but he likes looking you in the eye. It shows respect he claims, but even still you refuse to stare him in the eye to long. You would at something behind him or at his neck he especially makes you nervous.

You set comfortable on your boyfriends bed as you waited for his arrival. It’s 10:34 you mumble to your self. luckily you have a spare key card so your able to go in and out as you please in cases like this. You heard the door handle rattling singling you that he’s home.

“Hey babe.” You mumble. You didn’t have a attitude. You never really do but he didn’t know that. “What’s wrong with you?” He ask sitting his bag down behind the door and kicked off his shoes,before sitting next to you on the bed. “Nothing, I’m fine” He turn to look at him then looking back on the phone. “Why are you in the dark?” He grab the tv remote from the nightstand beside the table.

You hate it when he mentions you being in the dark. You didn’t mind. You like it more then the light. The light hurts your eyes making you agitated. “I just prefer it. I don’t like the light.” You moved over, now getting annoyed. He mumble something under his breath. Sadly you didn’t catch it still scrolling through tiktok watching some videos about Theories on a current anime you wanted to catch on.

“You know you need to communicate more.” He look over at you. “I do communicate.” you said still locked in your phone. He snatch your phone from your hand.

“See this the shit I be talking about y/n. You don’t even acknowledge me when I’m talking to you!” He gritted through his teeth. You didn’t even care about what he said you just wanted your phone. You reach over him try to get your phone back but he was taller then you. (Nigga like 6’4 Y/n like 5’6) “Bro give me my phone. I’m not playing with you!”

You yelled at him getting up from the bed. You paced around the small room. “Nah, You ain’t getting this shit until you talk.” You stop mid pace to look at him. “And fix your face.” He add you roll your eyes. “Ain’t shit wrong with me. You on dick for real. Hop off.” You ranted. Ony stared at you with a blank face making it even harder for you to even think.

“This the shit i’m talking about. You get so aggravate when I ask you what’s wrong and you start bitching.” He started he grab you by your hands. “I understand it’s hard for you to talk but you have to learn baby..Look at me.” He place his hand on your chin so you can look him in the eyes. “I said it before nothings wrong. You just assume so much! This is just how I talk to people”

Ony nods. He stared as you as you talk causing a little discomfort and since he’s hold your hands you started to bounce your leg. “I’m fine! I pass my pysch exam today! I’m just a little tired I guess but it’s nothing that can’t be fix.” You stop pouted. You sat next to him on the bed and lay you head on his shoulder.

He kiss your forehead. “It’s okay. I know your not use to it but your in a relationship now. it’s hard to read the emotions on your face. We can help each other.” He pulled you on his lap. Now face to face with him it made you uneasy. The eye contact made you feel uncomfortable you shifted on his lap trying to distract him from looking you in the eye.

“Stop moving on my dick ma, Shit ain’t gonna work.” He slapped your ass warning you to stop moving. You pout. You tugged sweatshirt trying to pull it off.

“the only thing your gonna make it up to me if you riding and yo ass don’t have megan knees let me save you the pain..” Once he said that Suddenly you face up ass down.

You was cold. With the cold air hitting your bake body you became sensitive to his small touches.

You use his large hands to spread your pussy apart giving her small butterfly kisses. “You remember the last time we had sex?” You deepen your arch and shook your head. “It was 2 months ago…”

He flick his tongue along the walls of your pussy. Sucking one lip then moving to the other lip. “Shit so fat.” You buck your hips against his mouth craving for more.

Instead he position himself. His tip just pressing again your pussy.

“Imma fuck your dumbass up.” He pushed himself in feeling your walls tighten around his dick. “Fuucck” You moaned out. “Waittt..To much..” You try to move forward but Ony quickly shut that shit down. He pushed you back on. “Where you going? We just started?” He gritted through his teeth. Changing your guy’s current position.

Your back was press against his chest forcing you to arch as your back was firmly press against him. He gripped your arms to your side thrusting into you aggressively. “Tight.Ass.Pussy..” He groan making sure you take every inch. “Slow down!!!!” You whine Ony use one hand to hold your hands in place and the other one to push down against the bulge he was giving you.

You tits was bouncing with each thrust he gave you. Nipples perk up with pure bliss and excitement. Waiting for your release to come.

The knock in your stomach feels like it’s coming undone. “Baby..F-fuck imma cum! So-Slow down!” You gasped out. Throwing your head back staring at his lips. “Hm? You gonna cum? you know where you got to cum on.” his pace fasten. He want to see you become nothing but a mess.

“Wait- Fuck! Oh my god!! Don’t! Fucking!” You couldn’t even form a word. His on grip your waist was tight. It only took a few more thrust before you knot became undone.

“Oh fucccck!!” You moaned out. Eyes shooting open your legs shaking as you cream on his dick. Ony slowly pull out. “There you go baby.” He laid you gently on the bed,placing multiple kissing on your face.

“My sweet girl. That wasn’t so bad was it?” He laid up beside you. getting the covers to put over y’all.

“We’re on the wrong side of tinge bed I can’t sleep.” You turn to look at him. Ony laughed. “girl if you don’t-“

A/N

PLEASE THIS IS MY FIRST FIC THIS FEELS LIKE WATTPAD ALL IVER AGAIN. I can’t figure out how to get the word count but imma round this shit up to 2k And a big thank you to @shahanaazsoumah ! Thank you for supporting and please give me feedback. Next i’m thinking about writing an Drugdealer!Eren x Fem! college student reader 😄. I’m 18 in college yet I still struggle with grammar and spelling I apologize for that im still working on it in college (They KICKING MY ASS) Thabk you for reading!!

[ashsostrange]

it’s stand on business o’clock, cz i know y’all sick gw*les & p*nkflower shippers + delulu gwen stans ain’t try to run my girl bree (@breeandhermunches) off her blog… you got me all the way fucked up and ima tag this in ALL the categories. you can’t do anything about it 🤣 if you’re upset, then scroll ho. if you know i’m not talking about you, then have a great day! 🫶 if the shoe fits, then wear it.

i’m getting disrespectful. ima return the energy you hoes dished out n you better take it like some mf champs. y’all wanted to fuck around so now you gotta hear my mouth and find out. read it ‘n weep. clearing you bitches gives me life.

such a shame we’re back here, but y’all are mad, mad miserable. like, i’ve never seen a fandom so chronically online. are you even trying to mask the fact that you rarely step outside anymore…? 😬

let me making it so very clear why i’m making this post in the first place, bc y’all seem to struggle with my main concerns never clicking in your heads.

y’all have the time to sit in somebody’s inbox and complain about their hatred towards fictional ships, meanwhile the people y’all complain about stay on their pages and mind their business? 🤨 those people being US. ion recall none of us going directly to YOUR pages to hate on punkflower and gwiles. if we hate, it’s on our pages. i don’t go looking for a mf fight, that’s mad childish. y’all were riding bree’s dick like crazy. at this point, her hate for gwiles must keep y’all up at night. talk to a therapist about that. it’s not healthy. i’m gna address ALL the bs y’all be on.

so now that you know why i’m posting this, let me set few things straight for y’all.

“don’t use the ship tag to hate! 🤬🤬” the day you copyright and trademark the tag, present me with an official “tumblr etiquette” rule book or, show me proof that you own tumblr is the day i’ll stop. ima do wtv i want whenever i want, please get that thru ya hollow ass heads. y’all aren’t entitled to anything. not respect, not no damn “common courtesy,” ESPECIALLY not over dysfunctional ships/fictional characters 🤣 i don’t owe you SHIT.

some of were y’all tryna go back and forth with me at the grown ass age of TWENTY. over GWILES. a sixteen yr old vs a twenty yr old, see your life 😂😂 it’s truly alarming. go get employed. if you alr are, then call your manager and pick up some more shifts bc you clearly ain’t doing enough. if college graduation rates begin to decline, i know exactly who to come to. everything’s going up and even tho you should be standing on some mf business so you can afford the cost of living, you’re arguing with teenagers online instead. a lot of you have too much free time.

“you posted this publicly under the tag, you can’t expect people not to want to argue” yes i can! block me and scroll. we don’t have to argue. i don’t remember starting an argument? i was never on your pages. i only reblog shit when it appears on my dash. like i said, i’m not searching far n wide for no damn fight. 🤷‍♀️ nobody told y’all to bitch, whine, and reblog mine or bree’s shit. your issue is that you have no self control. you don’t know when to hold yourself tf back, so you feel obligated to reply. god forbid someone has a differing opinion. my post was never even about the flaws in miles and gwen’s relationship. i was talking about how it is disappointing to see miles’ story be reduced to a love story. unfortunately, y’all forgot to put your glasses on beforehand and read “i hate gwiles.” yes, i hate gwiles!!! but that was not the point of my post. y’all are either illiterate or trying to let off some serious steam. i’m not having any of it. maybe y’all are upset i called you delusional, but you’ve effortlessly proven my point.

this is the internet. you have the tools to avoid seeing what me n bree hv to say, so why are you throwing a tantrum like a goddamn child instead of utilizing them?? you’re not special. the world doesn’t revolve around you and what you want. people are dying n you’re worried about a hate post under a ship tag?? mind you, that was the one and only “hate post” i’ve EVER put under that fuckass tag 😭 bree will make one post about gwiles, and y’all are the ones who’ll drag it out, then call her “obsessed.”we’re doomed bc y’all are doomed.

the white mfs complaining ab the term “snow bunny”… jesus 🤦‍♀️ ts didn’t even mean what you think it meant in the first place. it was originally used to refer to female skiers. some of y’all swear up, down, n all around that being “racist” to white people is the same as racism towards black people, and it’s not. let’s use “snow bunny” and the n-word as examples:

snow bunny had an alternative use before it was used to refer to white people. there’s no significant history behind it at all, unless you count tiktok as history. the n word has always been the n word. it’s always been derogatory, and anyone will a brain would know it’s mad history behind the word. it roots in deep hatred. people continue to use this word to belittle those who are black, or use it lightly around their friends nd behind closed doors as if it’s a common cuss word. y’all’s experiences with “racism” are nowhere near comparable to the experiences black people have BEEN facing and will be facing for fucking ever. white people have and always will be seen as the superior race, therefore, you face minimal to no “racism” outside of the internet, and i’d do anything to be able to say that. don’t even @ me talking about “🥹🥹 that doesn’t make racism against white people oka—“ i don’t care. at all. drink some water. you’ll be fine.

“you guys hate women!!!” “y’all hate gwen bc she’s white!!” like, you sound so fkn dumb nd all i can do is sit and stare at you.

me nd bree are black girls. people from EVERY race and EVERY ethnicity hate black people and EVERYONE hates black girls. hell, not even black men like us. why on god’s green mf earth would we ever want sb else to feel that way??

yk what y’all need to do? y’all need to quit whining and accept the fact that bree doesn’t like gwen because of what she did to miles. it’s as simple as that. stop trying to complicate things bc you so desperately want to deem her and other people who hate gwen “racists” or “misogynists.” no. i fw gwen heavy, nd me and bree are able to coexist bc neither of us are fucking delusional and regularly touch grass 🤷‍♀️ same thing with all my other mutuals.

meanwhile, you hoes get your panties in a twist when sb calls gwen a snow bunny as if she’s a sentient being who’s going to cry over ts, like, no. your feelings are hurt? take a fucking walk! nobody has to like her.

and punkflower, oh my god 😐 i’ve never been homophobic and i never will be. i’m literally queer. i’m not about that friendly fire before y’all try and call me homophobic. my thing is, if hobie was originally supposed to be a nineteen year old, n now his age is unconfirmed, why in the hell would we go and age him down to sixteen?? all y’all wna do is ship that man with miles or write smut about him. some of y’all wanna do both!! you change his age when it’s convenient to you. if you don’t see an issue with that, then i can’t help you. you’re weird. until i hear otherwise from one of the directors, he’s 19.

ghostflower or gwiles 🙃 the reason y y’all are sobbing or wtv. i thought y’all were exaggerating when you said gwiles was your religion, but it’s looking like i was very incorrect. real talk, ion like that fuckass ship. i don’t have to and neither does anybody else. just like you lames do with gwen, you dig deep in your ass for every problematic reason possible. “you have a racial bias!!!” “you hate interracial relationships!!” the fuck?? 😭 do you cunts read what you write before you post it?? “they’re more obsessed with gwiles than we are” “they must be in love with ghostflower & gwen”

…huh? covid really set some of y’all back tremendously because it seems a concerning amount of you lack critical thinking skills. in reality, just like hating gwen, the reason we dislike gwen and miles together is SO very simple. it all boils down to the fact that gwen did miles dirt. and i’ve made a separate post, i’ve talked about why they would never work imo. when i present y’all with my logical reasoning, you dgaf! so the only thing you can do now is shut the hell up, unclench, and cope. since you wna get in your feelings bout it, fuck gwiles, n fuck you too.

y’all even got some of your own people agreeing w me, props to y’all btw 👏 it’s never you i’m talking about.

i hate that y’all made it this deep bc it didn’t need to be. this is a fucking movie. none of this is real, yet you continue to harass me and bree like we murdered your immediate + extended family + the family dog that had cancer. i find myself hoping that one day y’all will realize how dumb you sound, but then i remember some of you niggas are already grown, so it’s looking quite improbable.

and also, don’t b up in my reblogs chattin’ it up about shit i’ve explicitly stated that idc about. i won’t repeat myself because you can’t read. if this post hasn’t shown you i don’t give even half of a fuck about you or your feelings regarding ANYTHING at this point in time, then i don’t really know what will 🤷‍♀️

if i made you mad, go ahead nd suck it up fa me. we won’t be going toe to toe and debating on MY blog because you’ll be actively wasting your own time, as i am not willing to hear anyone out. it’s been that way from the start and it won’t change. if you send an anon message or any type of inbox w some bs then it’ll sit there until the end of time or be swiftly deleted. if you reblog this post trying to invalidate anything i just addressed, i won’t even give you the time of day, bc i said everything that needed to said. i was very articulate and extremely clear. know that i can’t and won’t be swayed in the slightest. we’d just go back and forth until you decide to shut your mouth or block me. so block me now. ian the one.

if you don’t get it, then you don’t fucking get it, but what y’all aren’t gna do is treat people the way y’all were treating bree just because she hates two ships + gwen stacy. you complain about how the fandom sucks like you’re not the same people who make being in fandoms in unenjoyable.

you usually have to go to a therapist and pay for reality checks. luckily for y’all, i gave you one for free! you needed to be humbled and i happily did the humbling. lil piece of advice: stop trying to force people to gaf if they clearly do not. block and move on with your life. you gon get tired one day. leave me, bree, n anyone else you bother tf alone. spend your energy trying to change people’s minds on REAL ISSUES that actually matter, not fucking spider-man.

whew, ANYWAY… i hope i never have to speak bout this again. act right in the near future n i won’t have to “invade your tags” with long paragraphs in which i set you fools straight, thank yewww! 🫶

god bless!! 💗

[dmwrites]

The Beetlejoest was lost. Not that Joe was any better, really, but Beetlejoest hated being on the same level as Joe with anything, so you could understand how this was annoying. Joe had gone to the mangrove forest of the witch Shelby, to ask her for some mangrove roots and wood. He hadn't realized the time of night, the fool, and Beetlejoest had taken over, said fuck the system, and went into the thick forest himself to just yoink some roots for himself. However, the fog in and around the forest was thick, and within a few minutes, the Beetlejoest was hopelessly lost.

“Stupid fog.” The Beetlejoest muttered, hitting the side of a mangrove tree with a stick he’d found. “Stupid Joe, wanting mangrove roots. What, is normal wood too good for you, you hipster? I’ll fight the fog, that’s what I’ll do. Intimidation is the only way to get what you want, ya hear that, fog?”

“You can’t fight fog, you miserable shit.” A voice, airy and echoing, came from the fog.

“Ahh! Wha- who’s there? This ain’t my ex-wife, is it?”

“What? No, I don’t think I’m your ex-wife.” A tall figure stepped into view. The being was slightly translucent, although the Beetlejoest could still see that the figure wore a faded yellow sweater, with a peculiar blue stain. “I’m Ghostbur. Who are you? And have you seen a blue sheep around?”

“Ah, well, see, me here, I’m the Beetlejoest, in no way affiliated with Joe Hills, thank you very much.” The Beetlejoest adjusted his suit and stuck out a hand. Ghostbur tried to shake it, but since they were both ghosts, they just had an awkward moment where their hands went through each others. “I haven’t seen or heard a sheep, much less a blue one. Can’t see a darn thing in this fog.”

“Well, if you see one, it’s name is Friend, and it fucking ran off.” Ghostbur started to wander off, but the Beetlejoest ran after him.

“Wait! Wait! I would normally time you out and make you read the rules, and cursing is one of them, but beggars can’t be choosers! I am lost, and I need help getting out of this dumb forest! I can help you find your sheep, first, of course, I’m not a monster, just a ghost, a Beetlejoest doing the beetlemost, if you will.”

Ghostbur turned to look at him. “You talk so much, yet say so little. But I guess I also don’t have a choice, so come on then.”

The Beetlejoest opened and closed his mouth in surprise and outrage, but decided to wait to strike his revenge and followed the taller ghost.

“Friend! Friend! Come back I have some nice wheat for you!” Ghostbur called into the fog.

“What kind of name is Friend, anyway?” The Beetlejoest grumbled crossly. “Did you have to be 2014 tumblr quirky or something?”

“You must be American- you remind me of that annoying American guy with the onesie. Came into my house and put American flags up. I burnt them, naturally. You’re not Connor in disguise, are you? He’d be the type to get lost in fog.” Ghostbur sneered.

“No, I am The Beetlejoest through and through.” The Beetlejoest said. “But if you wish to speak on the American flag, did you know that-”

“Shut up, I hear baa-ing!” Ghostbur interrupted. “Friend? I have some wheat! Come here!”

And out of the fog came a fluffy blue sheep, which looked calmer then both of the ghosts combined. Ghostbur hugged it in relief and tied a lead to it.

“Right, so, I helped you, now will you help me find my way out?” The Beetlejoest asked.

Ghostbur laughed awkwardly. “Well, I’m afraid that I’m now in the same boat as you. I am also lost. I don’t even know how I got into this forest in the first place.”

The Beetlejoest looked at him in surprise. “How can you not know how you got here?”

Ghostbur frowned, a puzzled look on his face. “I don’t know. I wasn’t here, and then I was.”

“Well, where were you before, then?” The Beetlejoest asked.

Ghostbur shook his head. “I’d rather not… don’t worry about it, alright? I’m sure if we walk in a line, we’ll find an end. Where? I don’t know.”

So, with no other option, they walked. They made for quite a crew- a black and white ghost in a pinstripe suit, a ghost with a yellow sweater, and a blue sheep. They walked through the fog, avoiding mangrove trees that came out of nowhere and ignoring the whispers. And eventually, somehow, they emerged from the fog and were right in front of Shelby’s house.

“We did it!” The Beetlejoest said. “I’m back where I was. I don’t know how, but we did it!” He went to high-five Ghostbur, but found the man gone, the sheep as well. All that was left was a bit of blue substance on the ground, like a rock or something. The Beetlejoest picked it up, and as he did, the first rays of sun peaked over the treetops, and Joe Hills took his place. He held the blue substance in his hands, not a solid or a liquid, but something else entirely.

“Well, thanks Ghostbur. And Friend. Sorry we didn’t get to say goodbye.” Joe said. He pocketed the blue stuff, and took the nether portal nearby back home. He could just use something else in place of those mangrove roots. He didn’t need them that badly.

[dailyautophagy]

I have off tomorrowwwwwwwsa

we all do probably but

it doesn’t feel like Saturday to me

I’m a big fan of that lol

I don’t have a ramble in me but imma force one out because

This Tom papa special is pretty good but i don’t wanna give my undivided attention to it

He is making jokes about food influencing your behavior and mood and I know he makes his own bread cause I listen to him on podcasts lol and he is just good at his job and doesn’t preach to people he just does good jokes that might make people think twice before eating a bag of cool ranch Doritos because a while after you want to kill yourself a lil

I think I typed that 5 hours ago and then i came back to this to ramble more and then tumblr did a crash and it didn’t save the rambles after this ramble (sad, because decent lol)

there are four married men at my work that go out of their way to be nice to me and like not other people and just

why

i mean know why (and no I ain’t gonna touch it) but like why do they think that’s okay lol are they just being nice out of pity

I know it is not ideal to be aware of motivation existing for every and all things but like it does and therefore no these people are not just being nice to be nice there is a reason

There’s always a reason for everything even if it’s not a good one or

Like I don’t know the reason we evolved brains that are painfully aware of our imminent death but I know there IS ONE lol

I know a lot of the reasons for things now, health issue things, sadnesses and such

Don’t pretend being depressed is just part of life and it won’t be / I think therefore I am / if you say you can you will & if you say you can’t you’re right /

You get it

I am tired

I want to cum

I need to drink water

We’re all the same really lol

The thing about ants not tryna leave the boundaries when someone draws circles around them and then showing all the BORDERS OF COUNTRIES like I get it lol but we need them at this point because without them the places that suck will trickle into the places that are nice - if we had started with no borders everyone would be the same maybe lol or dead

I know nothing John snow don’t fucking listen to me

You can actually :/ i do know a lot of things and it’s not like hidden secret knowledge it’s just not ever addressed lol because guess what’s easier? Popping pills

I don’t like that about the world

It card to find someone without a prescription lol even I smoke weed ffs that kinda counts plant or not

The only person raw dawging life is ….no one.

Find me someone not drinking caffeine and not prescribed anything. I thought did but he sneaks cans of Coca Cola and has prescriptions now (cause he didn’t take care of his damn body)

AND NOW IT IS 3AM

It’s three am I must be lonelyyyy

No it’s actually 411 according the the fucking alarm clock this asshole downstairs is sleeping through lol it’s set for 405 so even I didn’t hear it for a whole 6 minutes .. but I’m not IN THAT ROOM LIKE HE IS. Idk how people sleep through loud noises like that lol DRUGS?!?

I mean dude makes almost 1000 a week and I take 300 because life is expensive and this isn’t a goddamn homeless shelter but he’s somehow always poor lol which like how - I’m buying the groceries

Which I forgot I said if I had to pay for them I wasn’t going to be also preparing all his meals like you want a slave you gotta stock my shit lol

But last night he was napping (last night aka like 5pm yesterday) so I went in the kitchen WHERE I BELONG to make dinner and put dishes away and I made rice (which just requires patience like you gotta wash the rice and then let it boil - I do a cup of rice almost 2 TBSP of oil and 1/2 tsp salt and 1.75 C water and I hate American measurements lol I think that was one way they tried to fuck up our ability to use food as medicine. Cause back in the Florence nightingale time (and location) they had recipes we prolly never even heard of. Remedies and recipes

I get so mad now when people don’t understand that our own body is responsible for our own healing and you just gotta it the right conditions lol like definitely SET broken bones and definitely antibiotics have saved lives but MOST things most illnesses and even most diseases are within our realm of fixing. You don’t need doctors. We didn’t evolve from cavemen because doctors existed. I’d venture to argue that doctors now do more harm than good. Granted we are not taught the things or given the tools to know how to fix ourselves lol but like the truth is out there man lol

Seriously though I wish I found Barbara O’Neill when I was in school. I graduated highschool in 2008 and dropped out of college after people started dying from pills and getting their drugs laced with fentanyl lol but alas my career didn’t require it.. despite everyone else I work with having a college degree.. So LOL at them.

I’d be in legitimate debt instead of just bad at money

Also I swear to fucking god these assholes are going to make me take my days off around Christmas so I don’t get all the OT again lol

Trust me, your omnipotent creator doesn’t get offended by words, and since I’m not a believer like that I’m not actually using the lords name in vain or whatever the fuck …. Wait yes I am because I am using it in an empty or meaningless way … I always thought it meant thinking like “this is gods fault” and being so disappointed by god you then curse him

I don’t know

Spiritual, yes. Religious, no. Religion is responsible for all the wars. And those imaginary lines we decided were worth killing people over. I mean now it’s too late the lines are necessary because some countries are shit holes and some are not but maybe if we had never segregated ourselves we wouldn’t be so different from eachother but TOO LATE what’s done is done and now I don’t want people imported from other hemispheres and TBH neither do their gut biomes you’re supposed to eat the food indigenous to your area lol that’s why I can fuck with everything apples forever like I wasn’t raised on milk I was raised on apple cider lol AND IVE NEVER BROKEN A BONE I’ve really fucked up my elbows and tailbone but nothing to my knowledge ever broke perhaps teeny tiny fractures and for sure bruises but never casts never snaps 🤞 I hope I hope I hope the universe never makes me / I never do anything to warrant that karma lol my brain is the mob btw if I disrespect the order of the world instant karma and thus far it (my karma) has been eerily accurate

If I’m mean or do a rude thing, something bad happens to me lol usually nothing too serious but low key (so low key I would never actually say this to humans esp my sister) but I think my XL abortion is why I don’t have parents - which I know is like not how cancer works lol I know they grew that shit over so many years and it was a direct result of their lifestyle / dietary choices - but yet I still feel that(low key) if I had had that baby they would not be dead.

And that’s a weird way to feel.

But I don’t think there’s anything after this lol because I think energy gets recycled but not SOULS or whatever makes us have a spark of electricity in every cell. Salt water I guess lol shits crazy

There’s so many layers to health and once you realize the building blocks matter

Like do people not liken it to gas grades and cars

Put premium in your body it is worth it and ultimately over time regular will fuck up the engine

Our body our cells our mf dna is made up of what we eat lol well it’s actually nucleotides but NUTRITION AFFECTS HOW WE MAKE NUCLEOTIDES and therefore our dna BUT we cannot change our chromosomes and we cannot fully detox from an mRNA vaccine lol

I should go back to sleep lol

I want to brag about famous people living near me and being on my ro…can’t even say that lol as I don’t wanna dox myself or career

If you know my job don’t fucking tell people please lol they don’t need to know

Suffice it to say that I only own a home because my parents are dead and not because my career is a real money maker lol but

See can’t even brag about the benefits without basically doxing

Doxing is a such a faggot word lol

And concept tbh like mind your business troll

I hope every human responsible for the squirrel euthanized in NEW YORK okay caps gets mugged Or assaulted Or like some not death but like a physically painful thing happen to them because what the fuck is wrong with you lol you did this because you were “concerned”? Well now it’s dead, are you happy? Nothing to be “concerned” about. Fucking disgusting. And obviously voting for Kamala so like

The type of people who are voting blue blindly are the type of people who can’t mind their own business and need the tv to tell them what to believe

Also imagine setting a ballot box on fire and genuinely believing you’re on the right side of history

You don’t have to like trump personally but you do have to respect the fact that millions of us do and we literally elected him to be a presidential candidate despite the television programming everyone to hate him - we don’t watch news lol maybe someone watch fox but like I do think most of us don’t even have cable anymore like

Now tis 6am and I am still not back asleep lol but it’s not dark anymore so I might have to stay awake

I love my nails and I’m so grateful for the glass files the pretty blonde one told me about (I mean I think I knew they existed but I didn’t use them lol) and my nails like so useful so strong so GOOD FOR PICKING MY FACE which is BAD lol I can’t not pick my face I hate this for me

Like I’m probably better off touching my phone cause then I’m not picking my face lol but being perpetually on tumblr feels like not a good thing but also it is the best way to not spend money lol not shopping online OR FIND US IN THE APP or whatever something about capital letters in advertising always made me feel like a robot was yelling at me

Rumble is the best way to watch Barbara I always just listened on SoundCloud whilst at work but the viewing of her and the white board is a much different experience lol not hugely better but a little better

Seinfeld and laying with bobo

Bison steaks!!! I forgot they are amazing and ground bison burgers are kind of not lol so just be aware

I think they’re less fucked with than cows but it’s possible that’s just wishful thinking

End ramble heavy eye shallow breaths maybe i will see you inn the dream world WHO WHO WHO WHO what are you an owl lol sometimes i want to say things just

To be able to make a joke after

And sometimes

I can’t stop wanting

To fix my teeth they are not okay on the bottom like I’m gorgeous my smile is gorgeous but if I talk you can see the bottom teeth are not good and i want it fixed i want it fixed i bought the things to fix them one time and then i did not do it i just used the ugh no doxing me it was like I didn’t truly feel I paid for the jawns?? I assume that’s why i had the gall to waste almost 2k like that

They are useless at this point like my teeth didn’t just go back to how they were before that would be too convenient they’re a new type of screwy now

Whatever I don’t know why I’d use the same people imma prolly try… not byte lol cause I already did byte

But I don’t want one I gotta go to dentist for ever like if I was willing to sit in those chairs and breath those gross airs every month 🤷‍♀️

Okay lay down sleepy lol

[i-write-sometimes-maybe]

Let’s get something gay! (Ha. No one is straight here).

1) HATE OF ANY KIND WILL NOT BE TOLERATED ON MY PAGE.

I don’t care what your beliefs are, but if they involve hating on ANY of the members of the LGBTQIA+ community then you can fuck off! Disrespectfully.

2) I DO NOT CONDONE SENDING THREATS OF ANY KIND.

If you disagree with someone’s lifestyle SO MUCH, then fucking block them! Stop wasting YOUR life sending threats.

3) YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT SOMEONE IS GOING THROUGH.

Sending threats for someone to kill themselves is never okay, regardless of your train of thought or what you think they did. You have no clue what’s going on in their day to day life.

4) LOVE IS LOVE

I am so sick and tired of seeing the people I care about, getting threatened. If you’re going to be a racist, sexist, homophobic piece of shit LEAVE TUMBLR. This ain’t the place for that.

All my love goes to my lovely friends @just-your-casual-nerd and @v3nusxsky, they definitely don’t deserve this.

[napalmvoid]

BLOG POST 003: Thoughts about Blogs.

You know what I miss, dudes? Blogs. I miss blogs and journals, the normalcy of having one where your thoughts were exposed to more than just 180 or 228 character limits – expressing yourself far more than just funny little quippy tweets that are trying to go viral. There’s no central place for bloggers anymore, not even Tumblr. Blogspot is a cesspool that has not been updated for years, wordpress, and video logs on Youtube are supremely hard to find considering they don’t hit it off with the algorithm and you never find them – buried in the huge storage room that is the Warehouse of Youtube content.

Shit, I even hate that word. Content. What the fuck is that? Dehumanizing way to refer to art, to refer to shit we make. A vlog is a vlog, it’s not meant to be content. A blog post is a blog post, it sure as hell ain’t content. I know by the most crude definition, every art we make is art to be consumed, but aren’t we giving in into dehumanizing and corporatizing art and the way we’ve expressed ourselves in the internet? Videos were made for entertainment purposes, to watch and rewatch while laughing or pensive, feeling something more than just “consumption.” Now, Videos are categorized as content, packaged for the masses to be coldly consumed. Give me a break.

I’m an artist, I make art in everything I do. The way I move, that shit’s artistry in motion, man. The way I speak, a mixture of slangs from the 50s to the 80s and even the 2000s? It’s poetry to the ears, it’s smooth music for the soul. It’s radical, in your face, for the people to the people. The blog posts I write are my soul tailored to words, which you are reading right now carefully I hope. The videos I make? Visual art, emotion and stories told through motion, visuals and color. Hell, even the fucked up drawings I make, the lineart I trace, the graffiti I bite, all of it is art even if it is fucked up looking.

Not content. ART.

Shit, what was I even yapping about in the first place? Blogging! I recognize that not everyone can blog or even wants to, that’s cool, man. I just wish the option was there for those who want to give it a go, to try their hands on making a blog and not having to battle with HTML coding and shit – some people are busy after all. And what options there are do not necessarily meet all the needs. Some people don’t blog because they don’t get to meet other bloggers in the same platform anymore, some don’t blog because the radio silence is too much. Some don’t find the appeal in blogging when there’s no one to share thoughts with, y’dig?

Tumblr is a safe haven for all kinds of blogging, so I’m grateful. I am just musing outloud man, you know?

[ivomartins]

Just trying to enjoy RC Tumblr so I can chat about these fun little stories we entertain ourselves with all round the world only to find out that people actually hate peace and will fight about any and everything. Had to unfollow a few accounts because it ain’t that serious.

But seriously why are weirdos everywhere, no place is safe 🙄

that's just how fandoms be 🤷🏼‍♀️

it's really both a blessing and a curse because the same passion that stirs up awesome discussions and fun times also stirs up discourse and drama - it all stems from all of us loving rc and being invested in the community. and in the heat of the moment (especially when there's a back and forth) it's not always easy to remember that mayhaps we shouldn't be giving this much of a shit. i've been there so i get it ngl

ultimately each person has the right to defend their peace and we all go about it in our own ways whether that's by venting and engaging with the discourse or by staying distant and disenganging. so i personally find it best to just ride shit out in my own way while leaving everyone else to go about it in their own way because even being annoyed about it isn't worth the energy babe, and not worth your experience with rc being soured

[astraljade]

Everybody know wassup on tumblr that demons exist! Ice spice is just a demonic piece of shit to do book of belial spells on a random woman! Bruh she already saw that she was having everything she wanted and then she set her eyes on me and was like I want her whole scenario with a book of belial spell attached and then the whole spiritual realm was like sure for ahead! After everything I did for the spiritual realm spreader the good message of them did tarot for them looked at these Gods and goddesses and connected everybody with their Gods and goddesses just for them all to hurt me and patrol against me! They just need to be fr before ice spice goes to ACTUAL JAIL behind stalking a smaller account! And for Facebook to just CHOOSE everyone but whoever chooses me whenever I’m Christian they’re satanic whenever I’m with Ra they’re Christian to come against me! Everybody just need to be fr! About how much they’ve trespasses against me there’s only so much a woman can take in the first place! They’ve seen these demons and what they do to me and just automatically don’t gaf! I hate everybody for a REASON NOT JUST BECAUSE IM SOME SORT OF HATER I USED TO ALWAYS CALL PEOPLE BEAUTIFUL GAVE THEM A GOOD JOB WHEN THEY DO GOOD! Just raping me watching it happen and acting like I’m some sort of culprit! Because I’m the first place the 666 was incredulous ain’t nobody fixing to live in sin and go for the 666 just because they “claim” I did this and that! All I did was expose my abuser! And he pushed me so hard to expose him and fuck his friend FOUR YEARS AGO! I repented I apologized I went back to him because he asked me BACK! I forgave him it’s BEEN TIME FOR HIM TO FORGIVE ME AND STOP BEING SO OBSESSED! They hate that I’ve been through so much that I finally loved myself and took up for MYSELF BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE DOES!!!!!!!!!!!

[yocioon]

⠀⠀⠀ 𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 : 𝟑𝟓𝟎𝐙 , 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐋𝐄

[ before you follow | blog rules ! ]

⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ♱

( ﾟ𐦍༘⋆ )⠀please read everything that is listed below. therefore, if you ever have any questions or concerns you won’t be afraid to dm them to me. and, i will try my best to answer them at a timely manner.

⠀❝⠀⠀⌗⠀BEFORE YOU FOLLOW .ᐟ

꒰ ★̶̲ ꒱⠀yes, i do indeed make selfships with my favorite idols. if that’s a problem then gtfo cus TRUST they would not give two fucks bro. it ain’t hurting anyone. me doing this shit is the same thing as people writing “x reader” or “y/n” fanfics since “y/n” LITERALLY means your name, aka you. we’re all here to be corny and cringey, and to escape from the reality we live, so stfu abt it or leave. i promise no one gives a shit.

꒰ ★̶̲ ꒱⠀i don't necessarily mind if my works are posted on other platforms, as long as proper credit is given (ex: tiktok). i also don't mind translations either considering the fact i speak spanish myself. however, if i find a work of mine posted to a different platform, or even on here, without any proper credit, then there will be a problem.

꒰ ★̶̲ ꒱⠀please do not overly like my posts because tumblr will think i am a bot, when im obviously not. do not like more than five posts at a time because that can/will affect the state of my blog. if you do not listen to this, then i will have no other choice but to block/mute you.

꒰ ★̶̲ ꒱⠀i won't block you if you're a minor because that'd be extremely hypocritical of me since i was introduced to wattpad/smut at a young age. however, it does make me uncomfortable when i'm AWARE of the fact that minors are on my account. so i don't care if it's in your bio, just don't explicitly tell me you're under 18. i am not responsible for what you read on the internet nor am i responsible for you not liking my works. if you don't, then leave cause it wasn't for you in the first place.

⠀

⠀⠀⠀⠀ ✿ 。 ׄ ׅ 𝟶𝟶 ׄ 𓈒 : 𝟶𝟶 ꞌꞋ ۪ ׄ ﹏

⠀

⠀❝⠀⠀⌗⠀WRITING DISCLAIMERS .ᐟ

꒰ ♡ ꒱⠀𝐈 𝑫𝑶 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐑 . . . fem!readers. masc!readers. smut. dom!reader. switch!reader. (maybe) sub!reader. size differences. unprotected sex. dumbification. spitting. choking. alcohol consumption. drug usage. exhibitionism. voyeurism. violence. gore. praise. corruption. spanking. (pussy) slapping. threesome/polyamorous dynamics. cunnilingus. blow/handjob. degradation. age gap (only when reader and idol are both 20+). cheating. hate fucking. free use (with reassurance).

꒰ ♡ ꒱⠀𝐈 𝑫𝑶 𝑵𝑶𝑻 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐑 . . . anything that is sexual content with minors (seeing as i am nineteen). dubcon. noncon. cnc. incest/stepcest. grape/s3xual 4ssault. pregnancy anything. somnophilia. pedophilia. teacher x student (only teacher x assis. teacher is acceptable). feet kink. piss kink. orgies. ed's. race play. pet play. scat. mpreg. breast feeding. age regression. DDBG. MDBG. suic!de/s3lf h4rm. scat. yandere (this romanticizes ppl with bpd so absolutely not). white readers. eating disorders. domestic abuse. p3dophelia. vore. necrophelia. daddy kink.

꒰ ♡ ꒱⠀this is indeed a multifandom blog, so you will see a wide variety of different groups being written for in here. furthermore, i will start off/mainly write for groups i’m more versed with like bts, ateez, and p1harmony.

꒰ ♡ ꒱⠀i do take requests, prompts, thirsts, and suggestions atm; so feel free to flood my dms idm. just know i won’t get to them in a hasty manor since i am running two blogs, but i will try my best. i never really had, or have, a posting schedule. however, whenever i do post it will most likely be early evening/late at night since i’m a night owl lol.

⠀

⠀⠀⠀⠀ ✿ 。 ׄ ׅ 𝟶𝟶 ׄ 𓈒 : 𝟶𝟶 ꞌꞋ ۪ ׄ ﹏

⠀

⠀❝⠀⠀⌗⠀INTERACTIONS .ᐟ

꒰ ♰ ꒱⠀i block anyone and everyone i deem a weirdo. mutual or not. you write smut for minors? blocked. you write stepcest? blocked. you write yandere? BLOCKED. i genuinely do not give an everlasting fuck. just because this is fictional writing, doesn’t mean you be an absolute weirdo. and using the “dark content” excuse is as lame as middle school white boys defending grape jokes with “dark humor”.

꒰ ♰ ꒱⠀𝐃𝐎 𝑵𝑶𝑻 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓 . . . wattpad writers/new tumblr users that come from wattpad (y'all r so unoriginal i cant fathom). you write for anything that’s listed in my “i do not write for”. men/male identifying people (this is literally a lesbian account). white people. dsmp fans. stray kids fans (specifically bangchan fans). leia apologists (black swan). kids under 16 (you're a freshman and i'm a young adult, so it makes me a tad bit uncomfortable). racists. white celebrity stans. homophobes. transphobes. fatphobes. ableists. yandere lovers. he/him lesbian haters (kys fr).

⠀genderfluid/nonbinary lesbian haters (kys ×2). female-identifying venom simps (he's literally fucking gay, you're weird). straight female-identifying BL/yaoi readers. coryxkenshin haters (you deserve absolutely nothing). you age up minors to write smut for them. miles morales antis. you anti any of my favs.

꒰ ♰ ꒱⠀my dms are always open, mutuals or not. i’m also always open to being mutuals, meaning you can ask to be mutuals in my inbox, idm. if we’re already mutuals and you feel like i’m not interacting with you enough please do let me know, my bpd ass will assume i’m annoying you and go ghost sometimes so just be aware.

꒰ ♰ ꒱⠀if you’d like to talk more outside of tumblr then you’re always free to ask for my discord. whether it be thru my inbox, or dms, doesn’t matter. though, discord is the only social i will allow for people to ask for. yes, i have my instagram linked but that doesn’t mean i will follow you on it. i never check notifs anyways. only close mutuals will be accepted thru there.

꒰ ♰ ꒱⠀i may come across mean, or as a bitch (i am one). but, trust guys that’s only when you’re a freak or weirdo. i’m nice 55% of the time i swear. just don’t be braindead or dense on beyoncé’s internet and we’ll be fine.

© 𝐘𝓞𝐂𝐈𝓞𝓞𝐍 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑⠀♱⠀mature discretion advised. all rights reserved. do not plagiarize or steal works.

[goldenlaquer]

HOLD ON A MINUTE WHAT HAPPENED WHILE I WAS ASLEEP- HOLY SHIT did anons bother you AGAIN?? like, speaking of that, yesterday I found this post about dealing with anon hate. "Just realize that those people had to click a button to remove their name cause they’re scared of you. They ain’t shit." FUCK BRO THAT'S SO TREU THO??? also wtf do those anons want. This is YOUR place. I ain't going to my friend's place and say: "wow that sofa is not my cup of tea, I think you should remove it". BRUH yall this is GOLDIE'S place. And we all sitting on that comfortable, soft sofa (which represtents your art and fics, metaphorically- ok I suck at this but u get my point). Those cowards who hide behind the anon button are fucking pathetic. I think that as a compromise, you could remove the anon option for a good while. I also think deleting your OC content would feel like, lettin them win. Do they deserve victory?? fuck no. Rather, you could draw Seiji with his middle finger up. That's what they deserve. Be yourself no matter what!!! Goldie ILYSM I'll be late for school but I really wanted to say this!!!!😔😔😔😔😔💗 also sorry if this doesn't make sense I iterally just got up and i'm RAGING (ilyilyilyily)

Ahhhhh, Miiuu 🥹🫶🫶🫶 You always come in like a sweet, refreshing fall breeze 🥹🥹 Thank you so much for coming in to comfort me, and what you’ve said is definitely not wrong

I’ve considered removing my anon button but I honestly enjoy the majority of the anonymous messages; this sounds very greedy but I don’t nearly get as many interaction if they aren’t on, which sucks but I understand people are usually shy about putting a face to what they say. I genuinely enjoy tumblr anonymous because it gives people some courage to talk to me. But then again, that’s also when I do get some messages that are less than pleasant, huh?

I am so sorry, usually I’m good at quietly deleting them away 😭 but I’ve been catching L’s left and right in real life, in addition to catching L’s left and right on the internet😭 So thoughts like: ‘ahh maybe it would be better if my ocs were taken off so i don’t have to deal with these anons’ or ‘i made these ocs, i cherish them, they are like an extension of myself, and I dont want them to be insulted any longer’ have entered my mind and they won’t leave.

But. You’re right. It does feel like giving those anons a victory if I do delete my oc content. I shall consider more about this before I make a drastic leap!!