#trying to see the funny silly side to all of this so i dont lose my mind

[crystallizsch]

realizing i live in a ramshackle dorm / campus apartment because

toilet with constant plumbing issues

something (sharp) in the shower was responsible for wounding me

a small electric kettle short-circuited the power to my room just now

the elevator going up to my floor always SCREECHES

false fire alarms every other day (but idk i think that’s more people’s faults)

and special shout out to: “al the friendly ghost” that sometimes chill in the living room according to my roommates (no other context)

[weirdmageddon]

i love these tags this person is so right

actually, can you imagine if dave was raised by B1 roxy?

i wanna get into this actually

(ok i had to spend a few hours rewriting this because IT DIDNT FUCKING SAVE AFTER FIVE HOURS OF WRITING WHEN MY COMPUTER UPDATED WHILE I WAS AFK so it would mean a lot to show this post some appreciation. i LOVEEE hearing what other people have to say)

even though these things mom does are presented in an extravagant, kitsch, jokey way, her intentions always came from a place of sincerity. she is simply Funnie

but rose reads too far into it and assumes things that aren't there, that her mother is passive-aggressively feigning interest in rose's interests simply because the things she does are so extra. "why do all of this if not to mock me"

im telling you right now if dave lived in this household he wouldn't assume antagonism, he'd go,

don’t forget who LITERALLY patented tangible jpeg artifacts as their post-scratch adult self and scattered shitty scummed up statue of liberties all over the planet. theres no way some of that overboard artful shit wasnt post-ironic / circling back around to genuine funny sincerity

dave's natural state is funny sincerity like roxy. he's had the natural capacity for this type of humor from the start and this is the direction he goes towards when he grows out of his brother's shadow by the end of the comic. dave and roxy share an earnest “so bad its good” type of humor

(lots more under the cut; the length of this meta analysis just got unwieldly with all the pictures and whatnot)

despite the alcoholism, roxy is a supportive mother. she's not the ideal guardian but hells of a lot more supportive of her kid than bro is. if she knew dave's interests she would totally indulge in them with some over the top silly goofy haha shit as a genuine gesture simply because she loves him

rose isn't too keen on it though. but she is more similar to dirk in her natural state of thinking of overthinking shit and assuming the worst, like the tags said

and yes dave got the sweet cuddly yet sometimes backhanded ouppy gene from roxy, probably even moreso lol

roxy's even said rose "sounds like girl dirk"

side tangent here, but this is something i wanna talk about.

i dont think bro should ever be in custody of children ever but if theres anyone who would be up to the task it's rose probably. i know she'd be able to keep up with him. not only does she have a defined personality (dave is more malleable and absorbs his environment like a sponge), if anyone can pick apart B1 dirk's batshit brain and probably be right on the money it's her. lil cal has been pumping patriarchal nonsense into bro's head and rose would be able to bring the fucking facts to the table without losing her own and being a living example of a badass little girl. i also don't think bro would try to force masculine roles onto rose like he did with dave, seeing as she is a girl, so she would actually have more of a leg up and get some passes that dave was never afforded. and rose wouldn't stand idly and accept any bullshit; she is no doormat. and i think this would earn bro's respect

but anyway, from this, couldn't we conclude roxy "sounds like girl dave"?

yeah okay. we havent even gotten into their penchant for funny typos or misspeaks, deliberate or otherwise

so, dave's environment

the sentiment "god you hope you can be as good as your bro at this some day" might have been genuine at the time when he idolized bro but of course he's not able to express that in any sort of sincere fashion because he's in dirk's fucking household. and this level 10 irony shit isnt doing dave any favors

his role models were the Internet and a vague idea of what Bro was like. So he built up his facade based on irony–not the literary definition of irony, as Rose might be quick to point out, but a popular concept of irony based on the idea that things that didn’t make sense actually made sense in some roundabout way. As a master of irony, Dave probably reasoned, he could see in a way other people couldn’t why a world that was scary and didn’t make sense really did make sense, and could therefore convince those people that he was superior to them. And he would wield his knowledge to maintain the appearance of superiority by calling everything ironic and pretending he didn’t care about things that didn’t make sense, and he would use walls of vaguely rhyming words to keep everyone at arm’s length so they wouldn’t discover his insecurities (source)

roxy's style is the embodiment of post-irony. being raised by mom lalonde would be like being raised by joel vinesauce ok

what can i say ….. (getting meta about this actually, hussie got these jpeg wizard wallpapers from a spyware website. link takes some time to load because internet archive)

rose is quick to read post-irony as actually being a joke/insincere, which in bro's case would be true. but i believe dave's natural instinct, outside of the influence of bro, is to read post-irony as genuine, which is exactly how mom serves it. we see this as early as act 3 from him; he understands her motives better than rose does herself:

and in act 6 intermission 2 i think it's pretty clear

but the thing is, it's always genuine from her. dave wouldn't have to second guess it because he's not one to naturally second guess someone's sincerity; that was learned due to his bro being virtually unassailable

there two types of ironies at play here:

seems like a joke, is actually genuine (roxy)

doesnt seem like a joke, is actually a joke (dirk)

you can make the argument that the second is is more psychologically destructive because it makes you question the reality of what is genuine sentiment and what isn't. dave never knew what was genuine and what was irony so he just sort of existed in this sincerity-ironic limbo and always did the opposite of what he genuinely felt on principle even if it always did originate from a genuine place.

"it just a joke bro i was just being ironic i dont actually x" is so much more trust-breaking and psychologically damaging than "wait are you being serious" / "i am being so fucking fr rn davy gravy" / "ok thats actually pretty fucking awesome. giant ass wizard statue" / "RIGHT"

how much about dave would change do you think? his character arc would be completely different for one thing, i think he'd have it good aside from mom's alcohol issues. he'd be left with the sweet and funny parts of him that we see at the end of the comic. the fake coolguy stuff is out, but this remains. this is dave in his element and we see it as early as act 1

he'd probably have no shades growing up in the lalonde residence* either cause those were given to him by bro straight out of the crater as an extension of his own cool image. and john gave dave ben stiller’s aviators for his 13th birthday to replace them so he could “spread his wings”

dave said he was wearing them for the ironies but i kind of doubt it. maybe post-irony but there was some reacharound to it being genuine because dave never put those pointy anime shades on his face again.

*though... it’s kind of hard to imagine him without his shades at all? B2 dave still got stiller’s shades from stiller himself so maybe getting them is a universal constant. i can imagine mom getting him them as a birthday gift cause shes pretty wealthy and probably could buy it out in an auction. but also itd be cool if john still gave him it as a gift

dave is actually a lot more genuine and easy to read than he lets on even when grappling with his upbringing with B1 dirk (again, see this post). this can be seen all throughout he comic but a good example is the evolution of thoughts about his interest in the preserved dead things in his room:

if B1 roxy was dave's guardian he probably WOULD have pursued paleontology because she wouldve indulged him in it and probably find it cool and worthwhile to pursue, instead of allowing dave to flounder under ironic detachment, being poisoned by irony to the point of gaslighting himself into believing he doesnt actually believe he thinks this shit is cool. even if it was indulged in this such a way; a superficially kitsch and ironic appearing presentation, it comes from a genuine place and inspires genuine interest. just read the comments.

basically, i think if B1 roxy raised dave, their relationship would have a surface level appearance of being bizarre or over-the-top but they’d have an unsaid mutual understanding that it’s completely in earnest and just build on each other's funny and absurd gestures of affection. rather than seeing it as one-upping each other, it'd more like collaboration of some silly bullshit that you take a step back and look at full and just say, "fucking incredible"

speaking of paleontology, mom had the proto-ectobiology lab. maybe they'd be able to use the equipment to appearify paradox ghost imprints of the dead shit to create paradox clones of things from the cambrian era??? sounds like a fun mother son bonding activity. and theyd actually put the sciencey shit in the household to use

oh god i know exactly the kinds of music shed listen too also growing up as a teen in the 80s. she on that (post)-punk/art rock/new wave/new romantic mtv stuff. XTC shit fr. this is a B-52S HOUSEHOLD. maybe the associates for the campy melodramatic flair. so he gets to keep the record on his shirt cause he is an enjoyer of the shit in her vinyl collection. dave would still gravitate towards musical expression and music itself but of more variety outside of just rap, with an 80s-90s, even 70s flavor due to mom’s influence. see this for perhaps a glimpse. ​she probably visited new york city a lot for business trips and because the music scene was cool as hell around that time, imports came straight from jfk airport, she probably got in on that a bit and have remnants in the form of vinyls and cassettes. in this way she could be distributing void to dave (influencing him with forgotten / presently irrelevant music). now he can REALLY rave about bands none of his friends have heard of. “hey davy grvay watcha listenin to” (he holds up vinyl cover) “omg snakefinger”

btw dave lalonde would look like this to me

[ram-bles]

HELLOOOO

I got a silly little ask, just a drabble from you would be fine 😁

Like- the reader (gender neutral) wasn't very open about their hobbies and such. One of their hobbies was like martial arts or smth (THIS IS VERY CRUCIAL ☝️☝️☝️)

Wellll, one day Jimmy (🤮) decided to try and touch the reader inappropriately and they just throw him over their shoulder saying something along the lines of "Do NOT touch me."

I KNOW IT'S CRINGE BUT PLEASEEEE, IT WOULD BE SO FUNNY 🙏🙏🙏🙏

I saw you're writing for only Curly and Daisuke, but if you wanna you can add other characters into the mix. It's all platonic, just a silly little ask cuz I wanna laugh 😁😁😁

[ Tulpar Crew & Reader ]

Oh I love this one. Also this reminded me to update my list thank u 4 unintentionally reminding me anon.,.,. ALSO DONT WORRY I DONT THINK IT'S CRINGE !

gender neutral reader, it gets silly later on i promise. not proof-read. wrote this really quick.

⚠️ tw: stalking, jimmy being a little too forward and close

The day was pretty much mundane, like always. Everyone was in their designated work stations, including you of course. Though, something felt off. It had been like this for the past week, and you hated it. You even blamed your lack of sleep for it. It seemed like there was something— someone, watching and following you when you were alone.

One time, you'd even woken up to the sound of your quarter's door closing. You stayed up all night, not wanting to inconvenience the other crew members for what you think might just be all in your head. Well, that is until psych evaluation day came and you opened up about this to Anya who so easily believed you, but seemed so uncomfortable with the topic. You decided not to pry out of respect. She offers her company when you need it.

That same night, Daisuke offered to host a game session to which everyone reluctantly agreed to.

Establishing good bonds between workers is key to an efficient working environment!

Anya, Swansea and Daisuke were sitting by the sofa, Curly dragged a chair just beside the game table, whilst you and Jimmy sat beside each other on the floor. The game involved four players and the crew decided that whoever loses first has to swap with whoever hasn't played yet for the next rounds. The game was getting heated, Daisuke and Anya, neck on neck. Unfortunately, not the only thing neck on neck. Everyone else was too focused on the game to even notice what Jimmy was doing. You can feel his breath against your skin. You eyed the others in hopes that they would see. Too busy. Annoyed and grossed out, you elbowed his ribs in warning, glaring at him. "Jimmy, don't touch me." He seems pissed, but that doesn't deter him from getting his entertainment. Jimmy presses on and you swear you felt your eyebrows twitch. The balls of this guy to even do this here.

Daisuke throws the dice, the three leans in in anticipation as they watch it slowly roll to a stop and—

CRASH!

Some game pieces flew in different directions, two table legs snapping from the force and Jimmy's weight. It was radio silent for a moment. The crew having different variations of shocked expressions. You had grabbed his arm and flipped his body onto the furniture.

"Fuckin' pervert. Are you deaf, or what? I said do NOT touch me."

Daisuke threw his hands up in the air and settled it on each side of his head, frustrated. "Oh, come on, man! I was so close to winni—!" His whining ceases when Swansea nudges him, instantly shutting up and processing what had just happened. It took a few blinks for him to register and he eventually bursts out laughing and pointing at Jimmy. It took everything from Swansea not to burst out laughing as well. Instead, he crosses his arms and huffs with a proud smile. 'Atta' kid.'

Anya on the other hand slips out a gasp, covering her mouth. Mostly out of shock, and no sympathy for the man whatsoever. When the other intern started laughing, she had to bite her lip and look away to suppress her own fit.

[ History of glenohumeral joint subluxation.

It happened way too fast for Jimmy to even process what just happened. He spits out something hard, probably a tooth. His shoulder slightly stings as well, probably dislocated. He'll get back at you some other time, he can't get back at you when everyone else is here and that pisses him off even more.

Curly had mixed feelings. But of course, he prioritizes his role and he has to mediate everything first and foremost. Rubbing his face, he sighs and stands up, putting his hands on his hips. He calls your name and you tilted your head to look up at him. "I have to discuss... this with you later on. Please drop by the cockpit, yeah?" You roll your eyes and nod, pouting. "Swansea, could we borrow your intern real quick?"

"Shift's over, go ahead."

He gives the eldest a nod. "Daisuke, please assist Anya. Help her bring Jimmy to medical."

"Youuuuu got it, Big C." He finger guns towards the captain then stands up to hover over the co-pilot. Curly could only give Daisuke an awkward smile at the nickname.

"Never call him that again."

"El Capitano." Daisuke helps Jimmy up, making sure he's pulling them up by the injured arm, making the man grit his teeth and groan in pain. Before the guy could even cuss at the intern, Swansea continued bickering.

"Do your damn job."

"Yessir. Swansir."

Anya and Daisuke finally went off the bring the poor injured co-pilot to treat him. And if you'd like to know, Anya taught Daisuke how to pull Jimmy's shoulder back to place. Yes, everyone heard him when it happened.

You helped Swansea clean up the mess by the lounge and in apology, offered to help repair the table the next day. He agrees and even offers Daisuke to assist you.

Curly had to lightly reprimand you for your actions, but you'd explained to him what happened. The best he could do for you for now is lie on the report.

Sustained through occupational accident.

Employee confirmed inebriated while working.

Property damage docked to Jimmy.]

[cloudysfluffs]

If you’re accepting requests, I’d love to see any tk hcs you have for the pines family! No rush of course!

OF COURSE!!!!! havent written hcs in a while but i bet i can come up with some :3

PINES FAMILY TICKLE HCS UNDER THE CUT!!!! KINK/FETISH BLOGS DON'T TOUCH!!!!! HALF OF THEM ARE MINORS AND ALL OF THEM ARE RELATED!!!!! DONT MAKE IT WEIRD!!!!!

Dipper

definitely the biggest lee in the family i fear. he's canonically ticklish and i just KNOW no one lets him live it down. least of all his sister

his ribs are his main spot!!! BUT also since idk where else to mention this, all of the pines family also have a spot that they share!!! theyre all ticklish on their backs :3

my boyfriend picked his rib spot because he always wears that vest. he thinks itll protect him. it wont

squeaks a LOT, his laugh is very high-pitched. his family/friends like to poke him a lot because of the noises he makes

he is SO embarrassed about it but he actually does like being tickled!!!! but he will NEVER ask for it. ever. luckily mabel has very good insight and can always tell when hes in a mood

out of everyone, surprisingly, he might like sessions from stan the most!! stan isnt QUITE as good at reading him, but dipper has learned that intentionally getting on his nerves is a good way to get wrecked for it (ex: the 'stans tattoo' short? stan nearly tickled him to DEATH for that stunt)

so incredibly paranoid that someone might find out that he likes this. hes definitely the type to search 'tickle scene' on the family computer and FREAK OUT if anyone walks in

generally prefers sessions with people hes really close to/that he knows he can trust and they wont take advantage

Mabel

exact opposite of dipper. the families biggest ler!!!! and she is making it EVERYONES problem!!!!

completely shameless about finding tickling fun ("it's a game for kids!!! we're kids!!! relax!!!!")

if dipper ever starts acting paranoid or 'too-grown-up' she swoops in to the rescue to remind him that its OK to like silly, childish things!!!!

her and stan are a VERY DANGEROUS TEAM. they regularly form alliances to take down the other two twins. and they have yet to lose!!!!

kind of feared the day that dipper would 'grow out of' playing with her. but when ford came home she was a lot less worried, because him and stan never really grew out of it!!!

queen of cheer up tickles. her smile is very contagious

she will make jokes WHILE tickling you, just to be like 'wow, i must be really funny, if you're laughing so much!!' <3

she DOES have a lee side, and she's also completely shameless about that!! she just likes tickling other people more :3

Stan

have you noticed that hes like. almost never in gravity falls tk headcanon posts? unless hes specifically suggested? i have seen so many include dipper, mabel, ford, and just skip over him shjdkhsdfk. i dont understand why, hes got so much potential!!!!

anyway, second biggest ler of the family. and hes really only ranked below mabel because mabel is so SLIPPERY. she cannot be caught unless she WANTS to be. stans a little easier to take off guard

also much more shameless about it. takes literally every opportunity to tease his nephew in particular

i mentioned above that dipper tends to try to get on his nerves to get tickled for it, because stan doesnt seem to pick up on it otherwise. i should add that stan absolutely knows that hes doing that JUST to play with him. he knows dipper isnt just being annoying on purpose. and he respects it!!! because it means dipper is toughening up, and standing up to him!!! even if its for kind of a silly reason. he wont let dipper know he knows, though

hes also been interested in ticklng since he was young. him and ford BOTH were, seperately, and then they found out at the same time and were BOTH like 'YOU TOO??????? I THOUGHT I WAS THE WEIRD ONE'

hes got that boxer training, so if you try and start a fight with him and youre NOT mabel, youre gonna lose. hes REALLY good at pinning lees down

hes got like. one, single exception that he will willingly be lee for. but he will never tell you who it is. ("what are you, a cop?")

ford could, theoretically, beat him in a tk fight.....but he never does. :)

Ford

unpopular opinion i fear, but this man is a LEE!!!!!! my mind will not be changed!!!!!! biggest lee in the family, second only to dipper

"oh but he has six fingers! wouldnt that make him a great ler by default?" of course it would!!!! thats why its SO FUNNY thats he's a lee.

hes got 12 fingers in total. hes been fighting his way through the multiverse for thirty years, so hes TOUGH. muscular, with a lot of training. AND HES A LEE. he has so much potential and hes using NONE of it when it comes to this!!!!! do you guys see the vision

him and dipper bond over being the lees of the family. he has apologized for passing it down to his nephew in the past. meanwhile mabel and stan are chanting 'ALPHA TWIN! ALPHA TWIN!' in the other room

this man could fill journals JUST about the sessions he had in the multiverse

him and stan have been play-fighting since they were children, and he loses almost every single time. mostly because stan is a dirty cheater who will bring tickling into it without fail and thats all it takes for ford to crumble

the only person he was consistently winning tickle fights with, ever, was fiddleford, back when they were partners. AND EVEN THEN he still LOST, all the time!!!! and now he doesnt even stand a chance against mcgucket. much like mabel, he is simply too slippery

my favorite tickly dynamic with ford though is his one with bill. bill thinks tickling is SO entertaining!!! so back in the days of their partnership, sometimes theyd take a break from work just to have a session in the mindscape. LITERALLY fords 'dream sessions'. bill holds this over his head to this day. the chain scene, from weirdmageddon???? he has used that exact method in past sessions

HIS PALMS ARE TICKLISH. adding to the irony that his greatest asset as a ler is what makes him the best lee

[erensonly]

You know how ghost always has his mask on, what would be reader reaction seeing ghosts face for the first time but in a way she doesn't know its him and she goes like "who the fuck is that??? 🤨🤨🤨🤨"

🍒anon

butcher shop buddies (simon riley x reader)

i dont know why i laughed so hard at this. thanks for the ask!! oh can i call you cherry-berry anon?

warnings: fluff, ooc ghost, not proofread sorry, use of 'pretty' and 'cute', no use of pronouns but i may use them in future parts, dad joke, probably incorrect butcher information, i was hungry writing this.

please feel free to message me and let me know if i missed any warnings

----

maybe reader is a civvie and she frequents this one particular butcher shop so you can get meat packages for cheap. this is the first time you see ghost. he's standing in front of the case of meats trying to determine which cut of steak he wanted, while you were there seeing if the people on tiktok were serious about meat packages being cheap. groceries are getting too expensive and you wanted to try your hand at birria tacos.

while taking a look around, you didn't notice the larger man inching closer to you. "d'ya know which cut you're looking for?" naturally, you flinch an take a step back. what is this mammoth of a man doing bending down to your level to help you look for meat? but his accent is silly but pleasing to listen to, so you give him a vague answer. "kinda," you say with a shrug.

"i heard they do these packages of meats that can last me a while. and i've been craving birria tacos, so i need beef for that as well." he silently just leads you to the other side of the case and starts talking to the man standing there. it's like they've known each other for a while. you tune them out to make sure you have everything else checked off of your mental grocery list. when you tune back in, the butcher is slicing some meats up and the man was still standing there.

"thank you so much for your help." this was directed at both men, but only the butcher responded with a "you're welcome" while the other man just nodded at you, before taking his purchase and leaving the store. what a strange man.

this is how you guys started to see each other at least once a month at the same butcher shop/supermarket. he had introduced himself to you as ghost before telling you that you could call him simon. he was actually a kinda funny guy. easy to misunderstand his jokes if you dwell on it too long, but also easy to laugh at if you share the same sense of dry humor. he didn't have much to say at first, cracking jokes at the wrong times, but other than that, there was nothing else for him to say.

i feel like ghost doesn't stop yapping around people that he's comfortable with. like he talks about everything and nothing at the same time. this is how you came to find out that he was in the military, he has family but they're the men from his task force, he travels for work often, and knows every dad joke to ever exist. he's a simple man.

he thrives on routine and familiarity. he makes it a habit to meet you once or twice a month at the shops, go grab a coffee -tea for him- and have a good conversation before going about his day. you ask for his number so you can communicate with him outside of your mini meet-ups and he agrees. now you send whatever meme made you laugh that day and a picture of what you were doing, and he sends you a joke of the day and picture of what he was doing.

he liked getting your cute selfies showing your outfit of the day, or the puzzle you finally completed after losing a piece a month ago, or his personal favorite pictures of you cuddled up with your cat pawl.

i feel like simon is a dog person outwardly, but he didn't realize how much he actually liked cats because he never had one growing up. so seeing you all cozy and pretty with your cat trying to escape your kiss, simon felt like he finally had something to look forward to. now he wanted you to see him for him.

when you walk into the shop, you're expecting simon to be waiting at the counter like he always did, chatting it up with his butcher friend. but instead, you see a blonde man with a black medical mask on talking to the butcher. maybe he's just late.

you walk to your normal spot to wait when the man turns to you and speaks. "how ya doin' today, love?" it startled you. who is this man and why is his voice familiar and why is he so attractive. "who the hell are you?" you couldn't help the confusion on your face; why is he talking to you. he just laughs and laughs, obviously finding your confusion hilarious.

"what did baby corn say to mama corn?" you were more confused. who's baby and mama corn? "go on," you encourage.

"where's pop corn?" this set you off. laughing louder than you probably should. "simon, how are you, darling?" you both had endearing names for each other even though you were just friends. it just came naturally.

"hungry. wanna stop at this one diner i know? they have amazing burgers."

that's how you find yourself eating a cheeseburger with simon who has taken his mask off by now. he was a very attractive man, not that you doubted it before. sharp square shaped jawline, crooked nose from being broken too many times, beautiful honey brown eyes contrasted by his long blonde lashes. he had a mole on the side of his nose, and scars on his face but they only added to his ruggedness; his attractiveness.. it didn't help that he was 6"4 with big strong arms, nice sized pecs, and on the rare occasion he would send you a mirror selfie without a hoodie on, you could see through his shirt that he had a nice soft belly. (my personal favorite build)

you were glad he was comfortable enough with you to be willingly vulnerable with you. maybe this relationship could escalate so much more.

----

should i make more parts to this? i already have a few ideas.

[sharpth1ng]

Hihihi sharp, sharpie, sharp guy, sharps disposal! Silly sharp man, I sent an ask for writing tips not too long ago, and I am yet again asking. Nay, BEGGING 🙏. If you have. Any writing tips. On Stu’s character. Ouhg. What’s your thought process on writing him?

Anything helps/nfta

If I mischaracterize him I will cry, broski. Jelp.

This is a little late but maybe it will still be helpful.

The way I see Stu hes someone that copes with positivity and humor. If someone he cares about is upset his first instinct is to make a fool of himself to distract them. He's an extremely social person because he finds people entertaining, even though he cares for relatively few of them.

I dont consider him a psychopath but think that relative to the general population he has high levels of cognitive empathy and lower levels of emotional empathy. This means that he's good at understanding people, and because he can understand them he can manipulate them, but he doesn't necessarily feel for them.

For example he's bummed to lose Tatum because he enjoyed spending time with her but he doesn't experience deep grief after her death. The emotional empathy he does experience is extremely selective, and most of it is directed toward Billy.

Put this all together and you have someone who is extremely socially capable. He knows how to fit in and get what he wants out of people. A lack of emotional empathy means he doesn't experience much guilt or shame. Guilt and shame are social emotions, to feel them you have to care what people think of you and how you affect them, and Stu mostly doesn't.

All of that said, Stu has the capacity for emotional empathy, he isn't neurologically incapable of it. I see this as something that kind of atrophied or got shut down through a combination of societal privilege and parental neglect.

The dark side of all that social energy and a history of neglect is that he still craves attention and affection, but he knows better than to just fully be himself around most people. If he did that he wouldn't be able to pass as normal, so thats where Billy comes in.

Similar to the way that Stu is special to Billy because he's the only person who really knows how fucked up he is, it's the same for Stu. Billy is the only person thats safe for Stu to fully let loose with, the only person fully capable of giving Stu the attention and affection he craves.

In that way they're pretty co-dependent, and Stu specifically isn't even trying to hide that dependence. Some people decide from a young age that they're going to be an astronaut or a doctor, and then they devote everything to that until they get it. Stu decided from a young age that he was going to be by Billy's side, however he was allowed. For the most part Billy is his first priority.

I think the paradox of childhood neglect is that you want attention and care but you don't actually know how to be cared for, and it can feel a lot more comfortable to care for someone else than to let them care for you. In some ways Stu can focus on Billy because it's more comfortable than focusing on himself. He understands Billy and I think he enjoys the special relationship he has with him. Even before they're romantically involved he knows that Billy gives him a kind of attention he doesn't give anyone else and that feels incredible.

So that's kind of the way I see his emotional motivation and internal psychological state, that's what I use to figure out how he would respond to various events in my writing.

In terms of his dialogue and internal voice he's jokey, he sees and delights in the absurdity of situations he's in. He uses a lot more slang than Billy and will choose silly turns of phrase just to make people laugh and because he thinks they're funny. He's a fairly sensory person but not as much as Billy, and he's a lot better at identifying his own emotions than Billy. Billy will describe emotional reactions in terms of their physical correlates (eg instead of saying he's embarrassed he'll say he feels sick and his face is getting hot) whereas Stu is often able to just identify that those things mean embarrassment.

Again in contrast to Billy he prioritizes pleasure and joy regardless of what that might mean about him. As a result he's not likely to spend much time in denial about his experiences and he mostly doesn't bother to make excuses to himself about the things he desires. He's pretty brave, he's willing to sacrifice a lot for what he wants and he's ok with a little bit of suffering, even if it's not the kind of suffering that turns him on.

Alright theres your Stuart essay 😭 i hope you find it helpful!

[clonehigh-takes]

rating every clone high ship i can think of because why not

joanfk - 5/10, didnt care in 2021, didnt care during season 2, never really cared at all, rip ort smort and the other joanfk fans tho

joanabe - 0/10, i dont really hate it or have any real opinion on it, but something deep inside of me just goes “no”

cleo x abe - 6/10, i actually kinda liked this one, if cleo and abe werent mutually shallow as hell it could be kinda cool, with cleo being like “i can fix him” and becoming a better person as a result, but we all know how it went in canon

jfgogh - 10/10, awesome, legendary, nostalgic, hilarious, iconic, please see my jfgogh ask for more information

gogh x caesar - 7/10 its kinda silly and i like it

gogh x jesus - 7/10 equally as silly as caesgogh

gogh x caesar x jesus - 8/10 ive seen zero content of them but background polycule from hell sounds hilarious

tophabe - 5/10 i have so many opinions on it so ill say this, the ship and the fandom surrounding it has so many problems but GOD the fanfictions man… theyre too good

joan x harriet - 7/10 i keep forgetting it exists and i havent thought too hard about it but it sounds neat

jfkonfucius - 10/10 please make them interact more in the show i need more content of them before i start making it myself in my head

jfabe - 7/10 it exists and its kinda silly

jfk x ponce - 9/10 i almost forgot about this one but how is there not more content on them, yall are sleeping on this ship including me

tophfk - 5/10 it has fanfiction potential but i dont care about it right now since i havent read a tophfk fic

confucius x topher - 6/10 it gets an extra point because i used to sorta toy with the idea before episode 8 sold me out on topher

confucius x abe - 7/10 do people even ship this??? i remember everyone thought confucius would be abe’s sidekick when the first episode of the reboot was leaked lol they could still be interesting though

confucius x abe x jfk x topher - 9/10 polycule from hell sounds so fucking funny, loses a point because topher is here but thats more just me being salty they sorta brushed the blackmail thing under the rug in the finale

tubfucius - 4/10 i keep forgetting it exists, its kinda cute but it loses a point because the show tried to make the ship name harrucius and i fucking hate that

kahlopatra - 10/10 i was gonna take away a point because it kiiiinda felt like it came out of nowhere because of the lack of buildup in the show, but i cant because theyre too iconic and legendary, the gays finally got a W

frida x harriet - 5/10 i just mentioned this because i saw it one sided in a kahlopatra fic once that made harriet act so uncharacteristically mean that it made me actually like her more (fun fact: that fic also kinda ruined kahlopatra for me a bit but i still love it anyway because the scenes in episode 8 were too funny), outside of that fic it sounds neat i guess

if i missed any ships please tell me so i can judge you, also mod rose please dont try to tag all of these ships unless you want brain damage (i know you wont but still)

not reading or tagging allat 😭🙏

[quodekash]

this kid getting lost is such a mood

except for me its not "getting lost on the way to the top of a mountain that's really dangerous and far away to get to", it's more like "getting lost on the way to a friend's place who lives 15 minutes away, while they were trying to tell you where to go, and also whose house you have been to more times than you can count, but then you had to sit at a playground and wait for them to come pick you up because youre just that hopeless at navigation"

WAIT THIS IS SO FUNNY

THEY'RE IN THE SAME PLACE AGAIN

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY SOMETHING I WOULD DO OML

stop i might cry

this kid is amazing

i would trust him to guide me into the afterlife

he could take over charon's job fr

PLS I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

im shivering so much rn, leeches give me the heebiejeebies more than like. anything

i smell merch??

(side note: why are earth/phu's arms so veiny in that shot)

i just love him so much

i hate children but i would adopt this one and take care of him better than hes ever been taken care of before

HSDHSDHHDS

HIS ONE CHARACTER TRAIT IS LOVING HOW PRAN SMELLS AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH

he's just so silly

their father/son dynamic will be the end of me

especially when i think about pat and his relationship with his actual dad :(

PLS EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS SO OVERDRAMATIC

PHU POINTING A GUN AT A BUSH WHEN ITS DEFINITELY JUST GONNA BE ONE OF THE LOST GUYS

PAT TRIPPING OVER A ROOT

PRAN AND TIAN GRIPPING FOR DEAR LIFE SO THAT THEY CAN MAKE IT UP A SLIGHT HILL

IF THEY LOSE THEIR GRIP, NOTHING WILL HAPPEN

ITS SO FUNNY TO ME

BUT ALSO ITS SO UNNECESSARILY DRAMATIC

AND THIS IS COMING FROM A DRAMA KID

SEE????

i love him so much

GUYS CALM DOWN OMG

I CANT STOP LAUGHING

ITS LITERALLY GOING TO BE FINE

SEE????

also once again: his arm is so veiny???

THEM <33333333

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

GERHSGBDRHV

these dramatic-ass gays

(i was gonna say something about the importance of grammar there and the hyphen needing to be where it is for it to be right / make sense, but "dramatic ass-gays" would also work)

LOOK AT THEMMMMM

PHUTIAN WALKING WITH THEIR SON BETWEEN THEM LIKE THE DADS THEY ARE, AND THEIR ADOPTED SONS PATPRAN WALKING WITH THEIR ARMS AROUND EACH OTHER

THEY ALL MEAN SO MUCH TO ME

wait how long were they gone for

HIS SMILE <3

HIS DIMPLES <3

PAT'S FACE ON THE SIDE THERE <3

T H E Y A R E D A D S

are you sure about that

theyre so important to me

<3

i really want noodles now

its 1am and i want noodles

theyre listening carefully to all the tea, tuning in to the drama

its just, some are more discreet about it than others

look at this little guy

just enjoying his noodles while the adults do their adult things

i love him so very very much

something about this image is just so funny to me

i think its the kid

i genuinely forgot his name

but i love him so much

as a 158cm tall (5'2) person, i dont like how tall they all are

knowing that ohm is 186cm tall and nanon and earth are 183cm hurts me on a deep emotional level

theyre so small. theyre such tiny little silly guys. and yet theyre all more than 20cm taller than me.

honestly i agree

he's wonderful

he's multi-talented

just like sound

by the way, soundwin = patpran and if you dont believe me, click here! (that was a seamless transition into a very casual self promo)

holy hell i love this child so much

i would protect Kampung with my freaking life

i would die for him without a second thought

i should also probably do that

my eyes keep going shut so then i need to pause the episode for like twelve seconds so i can get a little bit of sleep

its getting more and more difficult, though

i think ill finish in the morning, it's saturday tomorrow

goodnight!! bye-bye!!

[143zi]

letter i made for him

Sincerely, i will tell you everything.

Questioned myself a lot these days whether is this feeling love or things like that? because i dont really understand what love actually is. Scared about everything yet still taking the risk since i got nothing to lose. They said, if you love them you gotta tell them. And i agree! since we’re all only live once so with all the bravery left we gotta do everything we want in order to living a no regret life.

Might sounds so silly BUT I REALLY CANT get rid you off of my head no matter how hard i tried (and i actually dont try). The very first moment i saw you from the photos you had in your profile i was feeling you, like.. i was thinking “oh, i got that good vibes from him” and turned out we’re a match. Come to think about it, this is so funny.

Disclaimer : before going any further, i think i should tell you that im a blunt person so im gonna say anything i wanted to. Especially, to the people i adore the most! I always want to tell them how precious they’re for me.

And you’re just too good to be true. The man of my dream, my granted wish. Your existence mean a lot for me, and thanks to you, my dreams come true. Im actually a real hopeless-romantic (AND SO HELPLESS) yet still dreaming of the day where i can meet the love of my life, the one that got me brave to take all the risk whatever it takes. I mean, as long as it’s with you, there’s nothing to lose. It’s been a very long time since i got this much butterflies. The thrill was all fun and i couldnt be more thankful. Sometimes, i could find ways to love me by loving the other first. And i think… it is what it is.

This is so interesting because your every text could add my lifespan. I love it when we were talking about musics and sharing each others meme. I still remember the first time i matched with u was one of my lowest point and thanks to you i got giggled after crying for days. Im being honest when i told u i was the happiest when i got ur text (real). You could ask that one friend of mine whom i always told about u, how i was always keyboard smashing everytime i got a notification from u (THIS IS SO SILLY OF ME).

I considerate to confess all of these in order to set myself free. I love hard and getting move on as soon as possible, and by confessing, sure it will helps me a lot. Anyways, maybe i shouldnt call it as love? Because perhaps i was just actually getting attached (a lil bit too much). And i do not expecting anything from this. Anyway, unrequited loves are always the mesmerized one for me, at least. Im glad if you’re still wanna be friends with me after i send u this, but only if u feel uncomfy its ok to make a distance and… goodbye! see u when i see u!

Im hoping every good things to happen for you, in the future. Such as, you’re gonna be graduated in 2023, have a decent job you’d like to do, and get healed from anything that broke you in the past. I hope the tattoo in your hand would last long so you dont need to recreate it way too frequently. Jill, your babygirl! I hope she wont get any sick, eating much, and always cheering you up by your side. Please pay attention to yourself and eat well soo you wont get sick anymore.

Nothing happened in this world just to be a mere coincidence, hence everything happens for a reason. Even if the two of us never passing by each other in rl and only meeting here, virtually but i guarantee all i was just saying and feeling was true. And so do us.

Lastttttt, im so glad to meet you bayuu and wishing you more good days ahead, xoxo!

p.s : do not tell anyone about this im so shy (the last thing i would like to ask) and do not make fun of this (i know that u wont but still i couldnt help my paranoia) (╥﹏╥) i know what i was just saying up there kindaaa cringe but just let it be (IM SORRY) ^•ﻌ•^ฅ♡

[ficauthor]

inspired by the prompt by @danphanwritingprompts:

Danny narrowed his eyes as the Uber arrived at the church, and he finally remembered the occasion. “Wait, Mom? Did we just pregame Vlad’s funeral?” Danny asked. Maddie scowled. “Shut up and act sober. For some reason, your dad loved that miserable creep,” she told him. “It’s the only way to get through the day,” Jazz agreed, fumbling to open the door and step out.

and some other headcannons that I've seen float around tumblr about trans Danny fic below cut if you dont wanna follow the link.

Looking out the window was making him nauseous, like really  really nauseous. The kind of nauseous he only got when sick or from a good punch. He knew a thing or two about good punches. He’d been taking them for a few years now.

It really wasn’t fair if you asked him. One should ask him because it was an experience that only he could experience. After all, halfa's were rare as can be. Skulker had certainly told him enough for him to know. Every brush with alcohol in his younger days was, well, a mixed bag. He processed it faster than the average person so he was lucky in that aspect that he got drunk faster. But if anything his messing about with alcohol before he was 21 told him it was that it also left much faster than normal. Bullshit ghost rules and all of that. Genuinely being a ghost even half one had very few upsides. Some people online speculated about how cool ghost powers must be to have but clearly none of them knew about the burden that it came with. Sometimes he still wished that he didn’t know. 

However this time for whatever reason the alcohol was hitting him and staying. Maybe it was because the previous times he’d been drinking cheap party booze in Dash’s garage with Sam and Tucker, no one but the three of them aware that they were even there. Instead this time the booze was some semi expensive shit, he didn’t know the name or type but he’d been promised quality. Why he of all people was being given quality alcohol he'd never know but he wasn’t going to turn it down.

That being said seemed the trade off was intense nausea. It wasn’t that bad all things considered, he actually preferred being sloshed for the upcoming event but his body was not agreeing with that. Not that his body agreed with a lot of things. The disagreement between ghost and human sometimes really bit him in the ass. His head was floaty, the world in front of him was spinning badly, maybe it’d be worth it to never drink again. Especially if he was going to have this reaction . If only he’d invited Sam and Tucker. They were great fun and always knew how to reel him in. Man he missed them, if only they didn’t all go to different colleges. But nooo all of their majors just had to have few overlapping colleges. At least they were all within a drives (or in his case a flying) distance. When he wasn’t feeling too sick and unbalanced he’d have to fly over to their dorms for a movie night. It’d be nice. Sam might even be able to get them into someplace cool again.

In a stagnant attempt to push the feeling away he turned away from the window and towards his family. Jazz was studying a text on her phone. Probably a message from her girlfriend at university. Maybe she was inviting her. That’d be nice. She seemed nice when he’d saved her as Phantom a month ago, then everyone was nice when their life had just flashed before their eyes and they were rescued from it’s visions. Even when he and Valerie were on the worst of terms he was always grateful when ever she rescued him in either form. Bar Johnny 13 his sisters' taste in partners wasn’t actually all that bad. He actually liked her last girlfriend. Even then with Johnny he wasn’t sure how much of that was actually her taste and how much was Kitty’s possession. 

Certainly Jazz’s apprehension couldn’t be blamed, three of her previous partners both highschool and college were driven away by how weird their family was. She claimed she was fine with it, something about them not truly accepting all parts of her but still. That sucked. School had been rough enough, he couldn’t even count the amount of people that had been weirded out from being his friend because of his parents. Well there was also his reputation but his parents being renowned ghost hunters and chaotic town kooks certainly did not help. Looking back on it more of that might have actually been on his reputation. A nerd with A+ grades until highschool only to then end up with Ds on the best of days and bruises on the worst. Yeah some of that was probably on him.

Jazz gave him a look, he’d spaced out and looked at her for too long, it was weird now. He gave her a shrug and turned to their mother.

Laughing would be rude; he had to remind himself when he spotted her dancing along to the car radio in her dorky adult grooving. It was peaceful in a way. A down time he didn't usually get to appreciate before something bad (normally ghosts) interrupted. It was almost nice in a way to be calm with his mom and sister. Even if the former looked really really stupid.

He snorted anyway at his mom’s dance moves. Discombobulated shoulder jerks and little hand motions mixed in with little head rolls that had no rhyme or reason. It was wildly out of beat and didn’t match the tone of the song on radio. It was definitely the kind of dancing that Tucker would disparagingly call “white people shit”. The thought alone of Tucker's pain at his parents' dance moves was almost enough to send him into hysterics.

Man he missed Tucker.

He’d have to check in on Tucker soon, since he started the latest school assignment he’d sort of ghosted everyone, for the lack of a better word. It was probably the stress of dealing with his assignment partners, he’d done the same last time. Still… in a town and world with ghosts it couldn't hurt to try to check in on him. Tuck was a big boy now he could hold his own in a ghost fight but he didn’t like the idea of leaving him to it. Call him what you will but obsessions were just like that. 

Maybe he was a little possessive.

Just a touch.

“Oh Danny!” his mom squealed as a new song filtered in. The Uber driver rolled his eyes, clearly he thought no one could see him but Danny caught it in the rear view mirror. ” I love this song, isn't it rad!”

He tried not to laugh, he really did, but it was so ridiculous. His parents were doing this on purpose! They had to be! There was no way that they weren’t no one was that out of touch. That behind on lingo. Warm giggles and chuckles bubbled forth, messy and loud. The kind of laugh only those closest to him could coax out of him. Back in school it was only Tuck and Sam that got him to laugh like that (maybe Jazz if she was lucky) make him lose his composure so quickly, but more and more readily his parents had been able to also force the laughs out of him.

If only fourteen year old him could see him now. He’d be so embarrassed. Sitting in the back of an Uber laughing openly at something silly his mom was doing.  She said something he couldn’t catch, teased him probably for laughing. A random pop song and the air coming in from the drivers open window were just loud enough to cover even a raised voice. Even still the there was comfort. Whatever she said was from a place of love.

He loved car rides sometimes. He didn’t always appreciate them when he was younger, kind of like how he felt about his parents. Especially when he was 14 but now? They were some of his favourite times spent with his parents. He just couldn’t help it, something about the rolling scene and music with easy conversation lulled him. It helped keep his obsession at bay, blocking it from flaring if he could see that some of the most important people in his life were there, in front of him safe and sound.

He still ached. Felt that compulsion to check Sam and Tuck. Rather than scream like normal it was a soothing whisper. He was able to drunkenly send them a text about how much he loved them without the skin crawling need to see that they were still standing.

 The Uber slowed to a crawl, the Sudan squealing as they stopped. Man that guy really needed to replace his breaks. He could get in a wreck and then whoever he was ferrying around could get seriously hurt.

No!

He shook his head; he couldn't let his obsession obsess on something so small. It was probably safe to look out of the window again so he chanced a look. Danny narrowed his eyes as the Uber arrived at the church, and he finally remembered the occasion.

“Wait, Mom? Did we just pregame Vlad’s funeral?” Danny asked. 

Maddie scowled,“ Shut up and act sober. For some reason, your dad loved that miserable creep,” she told him.

“It’s the only way to get through the day,” Jazz agreed, fumbling to open the door and step out.

Damn he hadn’t meant to forget the occasion but he couldn’t help it his mind was already prone to wandering and the alcohol was just making it worse. Really it was a miracle he passed highschool in the first place, even when sober his mind just struggled to latch onto subjects, and that was before he had to nightlight as Phantom, hell it wasn’t even nightlighting it was a full double life. Really he didn't even know how he was managing college with the heroing on the side. Best guess if he was pressed to give one was that his parents’ disappointment and the desire to go to space was combining into the ultimate peer pressure. Funny how his brain worked like that, maybe Jazz could explain that to him. She was good for stuff like that. Explanations for why his brain was weird. She tried to give him an acronym for it one time something with A's. An attention thing of some sort. He'd have to ask her about it again sometime so he could wrap his mind around it.

“Hey!” Jazz opened the door, her face inches from his, the scent of some fruity cocktail on her breath,” get out Danny, and remember, act normal. At least for dad’s sake.”

“Yeah,” he waved her off stumbling to his feet, honestly it wasn’t fair that the ground was so unsteady beneath him, kind of transphobic if you asked him. “If you wanted me to act normal then why’d we all get plastered?” he joked.

“Shush,” Jazz clamped a hand on his face, their slow amble up the church's  many  steps paused. “Don’t lick a gift horse in the mouth Danny, you know this will be insufferable.” 

He licked her hand, she recoiled, wiping the spit off on her fancy black dress. 

“Danny!”

He stuck out his tongue in retaliation.

“Behave, ”she chided.

He rolled his eyes and followed her. It was just a funeral, what was the worst they could get into?

 The second he stepped in the church threshold he knew. It put his whole body on edge, the hairs on the back of his neck stood up and the faintest trickled of mist? ghost vaper? Ghost breath? He actually had no clue what it was that came out of his mouth. 

Well he never really understood what he was saying half the time anyways, his mouth had a habit of running out from under him. The worst case of that was just the other week, he was talking to Sam over skype about something and he’d forgotten that she knew about Phantom, how really he had no clue, and he just went on for about twenty minutes making some out there wild excuse for why he’d missed their last hang out when she’d stopped him.

Honestly it was getting embarrassing, even worse was trying to keep things he said to his parents in each form separate. He really had to tell them soon.

It was so easy when he was 14 the breadth of his conversations with them as Phantom at the time could be summed up with a snarky quip from him or a “I’m gonna dissect you” from them. Now though they seemed to be fully taking seriously the notion that ghosts had depth to them. Which while true was deeply inconvenient for him. That meant he had to have interactions with them as Phantom and keep his identity straight ( ha  ). Maybe he should be grateful, they weren’t threatening to dissect him anymore that was certainly a plus, they still definitely wanted to examine him however.  He had considered it, in the depth of the night, allowing them to examine him only to drop the transformation part way through. It’d be funny, just a little bit to catch them off guard like that. But they didn’t deserve a coming out like that. He stifled a groan, he thought he was done with the closet when he’d come out but no life just had to never end and add in ghosts.

“Danny,” Jazz hissed at him. 

He slurred out a huh at her in confusion.

Damn he’d been staring out at nothing, the Pastor? Priest? He didn’t know the difference to be honest, was still talking about Vlad. Shit that’s right! The second he’d walked in his ghost sense had gone haywire, Vlad was still (half) alive in that plush ass casket. He wondered how bad it'd be to fake a stomach ache and transform into Phantom for some ass kickery. Knowing his luck though Vlad might just feign full death embrace just to make a fool of him. 

He would do that, fake his death, hell he was doing it right now! Motive was still unclear to him but Danny was going to get to the bottom of it. The man at the front, religious figure of whatever denomination, was gesturing large and big as he wrapped up.  It was really official, and stuffy, when he finally fully died he wanted his funeral to be nothing like this. Maybe Tuck's ideas of dramatic funeral pranks were where it was at. Or maybe even Sam's ideas of celebratory parties that remembered the dead's life. He wouldn’t object to either of those. 

Alcohol was fading out of his system again, well it’d been nice while it’d lasted but it’d probably be best to not be sloshed if Vlad wanted to cause a scene. 

He sat at the edge of his seat as his father came up for a speech.

“Vlad,” his father stopped to blow his nose,” Vlad was a good friend of mine in college, w-we,” his lip trembled, his large jaw hammering up and down as he stammered for words. It took everything in Danny to not sink into the pew bench in embarrassment. Jack was for all intensive purposes the only person in the entire church that seemed genuinely broken up about the billionaire’s death.

“We drifted apart for a while, and he’d just started to come back to mine and my wife's lives a few years ago and- and- I-I sorry,” he winced as his fathers voice died.

While he didn’t understand his fathers affection for the man his heart couldn't help but ache for the man’s sorrow. His father had such a large heart. He was so trusting and held so much affection in his large beating heart. It was a weakness and a strength. One his mother often said he inherited. He didn’t know if he could see it. He wasn’t so soft, so trusting, so eager to love and care as his father. Then the larger man hadn’t been burned the same. Hadn’t had his heart half electrocuted to death like him.

His mom walked up on the stage, he was briefly impressed by her composure, she was buzzed but also in heels and looked to all the church exceedingly well put together. Quietly she was speaking her hands gently on Jack’s shoulders patting his back soothingly. She often sold herself short. Stating her heart not to be as big, Danny didn’t believe that, not really, his mother was just more careful in those she let in.

“I wasn’t as close to him as my husband,” she admitted, having softly taken the mic from Jack. her fingers were curled around it softly, but her other hand was in her hair. She was fidgeting and searching for words,” but I’m sure those he was close to will miss him dearly.” she said tight lipped. Jack whispered something to Maddie quietly making her smile tightly and nod. The man moved to his seat and let his wife continue his speech in his stead. 

It was nothing notable really, Danny wasn’t one for paying attention to speeches or lectures and a funeral would not be an exception. He caught a few snippets though, his moms implication that she liked him better in college. A line hoping that in death that he could hopefully move on from the past. He really tried to not laugh at that one clearly because she'd noticed the exes. How many of them had known before? How many of the exes had to learn of their blueprint right then and there in the funeral.

Still he sat teetering on the edge of his seat, half paying attention to her words and mind half trained on that open casket. Vlad lay there in the plush box waiting. What for he couldn’t tell yet but he wasn’t going to be caught unaware.

The speeches couldn’t have ended any slower in his opinion. He wished that the alcohol hadn’t run it’s course already. It was so much easier to get through shit when his mind was quieted and his obsession was dulled. Instead he was forced to wait, his waking obsession tearing at his insides making him wait. Watch the lingering guests with apprehensive eyes. A few were expected. Gaggle of divorced exes. Some smattering of people that vaguely had Vlad's chin and nose. It was bizarre, some looked wildly like him and others well. They were utter strangers to Danny. They all were but they seemed almost faceless in how unknown they were. Interestingly none of them really seemed that choked up. He’d never expected troves of people depressed about Vlad’s passing. Still to only have one sobbing mourner? Maybe they just grieved differently...

Yeah maybe.

About when he got his water from the refreshments table he realized that Vlad really wasn't pulling a stunt. Still he had no clue why he was in that damn casket if he was still (half) alive in there. He almost laughed at the absurdity of it all, his worst nightmare was being trapped in one of those, yet Vlad had clambered in willing foot after foot laying stricken and board straight for all that he knew to see him. It didn’t make sense. There had to be some trick.

There had to be.

He thought maybe after his father had bowed his head over the casket head in hands loud body wracking sobs shaking his shoulders that Vlad might then spring to life (ha) and attack them. No, instead he remained laying in that coffin, the soft plush pillow under his head holding him still, the flowers in hand still clutched in strict fingers. He must have some sort of long con going on then. Some sort of goal he was aiming to reach by laying stricken and dead.

Wouldn’t be the first time the man had pulled a bizarre stunt. The time he’d kidnapped Danny and his mom sprang to mind. But there were few situations that came to mind where faking one’s death could come in handy. 

A severe looking man walked up to him a small plate of hors d'oeuvres in hand.  Sam would hate the sight of the small snacks, not a single one was vegetarian. And Tuck? He’d be laughing his head off at the name and size. He really had to rope them into a trip to the movies or arcade sometime soon.

The man greeted him, straightening his professional looking tie as he spoke. The man was exceedingly out of place, in a clean and crisp business suit that hardly matched the tone of mourning clothes. Then his parents were wearing their jumpsuits under their fancy clothes so glass houses and all that.

The man was painfully dull giving Danny his condolences in a rather stilted and clunky tone. The man clearly didn't want to be there. He raised an eyebrow at the man as he finally asked how he knew the ‘deceased’. 

Telling the man something to the effect of, “Just through my parents,” somehow making it clear to the man that he wasn’t particularly choked up by the billionaire's death. Gee he wondered what gave it away, his flat unaffected tone? Or the fact that Vlad was a billionaire with no moral backbone. 

Huh, he must really be missing Sam a lot to be thinking like that. he hated to admit it but she was kinda right. 

Business suit was disinterested in conversation with Danny after that, he hastily wrapped up the conversation. Man even muttered “shame.” under his breath, if Danny wasn’t half dead he wouldn't have caught it. But well nothing ever really worked out well for bureaucrats did it?

Had Vlad seriously faked his death to avoid paying a few measly bucks? The man was a billionaire! He must really owe them a mean amount of money for them all to arrive at the funeral like this. Maybe they hoped the will would work in their favour? Not far in front of the refreshment table were two suits talking unabashedly about the amounts that Vlad owed them. If it weren’t for the setting Danny would think that they were coming or going from an important meeting.

For what was probably the first time he properly looked at all of the guests. Actually taking them in, a good chunk like he’d noticed before were the exes that half looked like his mom, and their kids (hopefully they weren’t biologically Vlads). Then there were the vague family members that looked like Vlad watered down with kindness. But the rest? Suits and-

Oh.

Oh he had to step behind an archway and stuff a fist in his mouth to stop himself from laughing out loud. Vlad had fucking bounty hunters being sent after him! It was karmic, he had to stop himself from busting a gut right then and there in the middle of a church. It was already blasphemy enough to be the walking dead he didn't want to also throw in disrespecting the (only mostly) dead into the mix. 

Well at least they weren’t all debtors, lurking around the corners and edges of the room was a guy he’d worked with as Phantom a few years ago. He was kind of hot in a rugged sort of way. If it weren’t for Sam and Tuck he’d have considered flirting seriously with the other man. As it was his joking flirting got him in trouble with the other two.

He was really acting up being normal, that rugged man. Mingling about with other people dressed neatly.

Clear to only  Danny what he was, what the others like him were, the man wandered unaware that Danny was watching him. Ironically he only knew they were bounty hunters because Vlad had hired the rugged man and his crew to hunt Phantom that time a few years ago and now? Oh the tables have turned. Someone, maybe one of the exes, or the debtors wanted him dead. Damn what had Vlad done?

Ghost Zone inhabitants had mixed opinions on him, many of which wanted him dead or knocked down a peg. But that was the Ghost Zone, half of them wanted  Danny  dead at some point or another. This was the human world. Earth and shit, it was much harder to piss off someone to the level of murder. Not impossible but damn. He grinned at this, Vlad was (half) alive and (sorta) well in that casket and he couldn’t do anything if he started to stir shit up. Life was beautiful, twinkling and gorgeous, he decided. He Didn’t need Tucker and Sam to have fun.

 He started with one of the exes. He went out of his way to ignore her dyed red hair and pale purple eyes as he talked with her. It wasn’t her fault that Vlad had a complex, he reminded himself as the woman talked. Fault couldn’t be pinned on her for the parallels he could search between his mother and her. She was nice in a weird way, again really like his mom. It was unnerving. He kept trying to ignore her beady eyed gremlin of a child as she talked to him about the will. 

Whatever Vlad had done for all the people in his life to only care about the will and the will alone Danny wanted to do the express opposite. It was almost painful in a way to watch all of these people act like they weren’t only here for the money. Served the man right, it was still depressing, the man had everything on paper but not a damn thing in reality.

“Do you think his daughter will show?” he tactfully added into the conversation after the woman had made some condolences about his family and Vlad. 

“Daughter?” the woman asked, her large eyes blinking slowly,” I'm sure you're mistaken, Vlad told me he doesn’t have kids.”

“Oh,” he said, feigning apology, inside he was loving this, sure Vlad couldn’t admit the truth about the clones but clearly the man had seriously left out some details to his ex lovers. “Are you sure? ‘Elle is nineteen now,” he said, it was technically true if you counted right. She was also only seven if you counted right. It was all about semantics.

“Ninete-” the woman stammered something hard settling in her eyes,” he told me he didn’t want to have children,” she looked down at her angry eyed child (he hoped the little dude didn’t kick him in the shin) who had a hand fisted in the end of her dress. “If you’ll excuse me, Daniel, this was an- enlightening conversation.” he watched her walk away to a woman with a big chunky bracelet.

Also a redhead. Of course.

A sharp pain seared in the top of his ear he prevented himself from yowling out as the fingers attached dragged him over to a corner.

"ow ow ow," he whined out quietly trying heard not to draw attention to himself. It didn't really work.

“What the  fuck  are you doing?” Jazz hissed at him when they were hidden away from the rest of the group.

“First of all: ow!” He rubbed his ear delicately between his finger pads,” I’m not a child anymore, maybe borderline sibling abuse was funny in 80’s sitcoms but it's not anymore.”

Jazz rolled her eyes,” second of all?” she pressed, she was still slightly buzzed and yet she was still holding herself with so much composure. Kind of impressive, if she hadn’t just physically threatened to rip his ear off.

“Secondly I’m not doing anything wrong.”

“Not do-” Jazz floundered,” Daniel!” she hissed out again struggling to keep her tone low. Damn she was mad, she only pulled out the full name when really fucked up,” I know your relationship with Vlad was- complicated.”

He snorted,” he tried to kill me multiple times, Jazz.”

“Yes bu-”

“Dark Dan,’’ he pressed further.

“I get it!” she snapped in a whisper-shout,” but a funeral isn-”

“He isn’t dead Jazz. Or really fully dead I guess I should say,” he laughed

Jazz rolled her eyes,” This is concerning behaviour Danny.”

“W-what?” he asked.

She tapped her chin pensively, she was psychoanalyzing him again, gag, “You must be transferring your complicated feeling about him into-”

“Jazz,” he groaned. It was best to stop her before she got on a roll, “Ghost senses remember? He’s still not fully dead, I can tell. He faked his death.”

“Okay,” she said with a sigh," I'm not saying I believe you, but say he did fake his death-”

“He did.”

She shot him a look, “Why? Why would he fake his death? He’s a rich ceo multi-billionaire with more money than most of us can conceive of, nonetheless actually obtain, what does he get out of faking his death?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose, this was easier when Jazz was talking to one of Vlad’s cousins ignoring him stirring the pot. 

He explained what he’d pieced together so far, with the suits and hunters lurking around the edges of the room it was easy to point out how out of place they look. Slowly a realization fell on her face, an acceptance of what he was saying.

“When I was talking to the stepford exes they were all talking about who would get the estate.”

“Do they know who?” he asked.

Jazz shook her head,” no the will was kept really secretive from all of them. There was even a bit of an altercation from two of the younger ex girlfriends over it.”

He winced at that, he couldn’t blame them for being mad he just wished Vlad wasn’t faking death for them to take it out on. “The bottle red and the one with the big bracelet?” he prompted, remembering the end of his conversation with the former.

“No that’s Maddison and Maggie, the two that fought were Morgan and Melenie.”

“Maddison? Maggie? Morgan? Melenie?” he repeated with a grimace voice getting higher with each name.

“Yeah I know,” she said with a sigh,” a textbook case of projecting an ex, or in this case crush, on future partners leading to a string of failed relationships,” she frowned looking over at the group of clustered red heads. Danny followed and examined them, they were all looking at something their eyes occasionally darted over to- 

Oh of course, mom, they ‘d probably done the math already. He winced at the thought. He’d half thought about it before  finding the notion funny. Now in his sparkling sobriety of the evening he couldn’t find the humour.

“At least they all mostly get along,” Jazz offered, trying to look away from how the dozen or so women were looking at the one woman they were all stacked against.

“Really?” he blinked at her,” I’d have thought that they’d all be fighting cause of the- well you know,” he gestured to the, everything, of the situation.

She shook her head,” no, they seem to all understand that it was all on Vlad, two of them, Mackenzie and Melody,” she clarified to even more of his confusion,” even found out that they were seeing him at the same time. How they didn’t know with all of the press that followed him I’ll never know, but they decided to team up on the legal front if there are any issues with the will.”

“Really.”

Jazz nodded,” yeah I was surprised too, but good for them, Vlad went around causing too many issues in their lives.”

He nodded in agreement as he looked at at the sea of redheads, some of them had grown out their hair revealing dark roots, some had hair styled in poufy curls reminiscent of his mothers old style and one of them had completely cut her hair into a half shaved look, it was actually similar to the look that Sam had now.

“Want to cause some problems for him?” he asked.

“Danny, legally and socially he’s dead, what could we do?”

“Legally yeah,” he agreed,” but technically he’s still half alive in there, and can hear everything that people say-”

“Are you suggesting that we ruin his reputation?” Jazz asked with a poorly hidden smile. He loved that in the years she’d loosened up. It was a good look on her, relaxation.

“Ruin?” He said, in mock scandal, ”I'm merely suggesting we bring it down to where it belongs.”

“Oh ‘merely’ what is that a fifth grade word? I'm impressed!” Jazz teased.

He shoved her lightly with a laugh,” oh fuck off I’m in college now you know.”

“Really? Accredited and everything?”

He stifled his laugh,” shut up, you know dealing with ghost shit messed with my grades.”

Truthfully he’d expected her to joke further about it, to razz him about doing so much, or maybe analyze him, diagnosis him with trauma. Instead she hugged him.

“I’m sorry so much was put on your shoulders so young,” her voice was raw. Too raw.  

He patted her back, stomach squirming. Because what was he to do with that? The tender care held for him in the cracks of her fingers. The sorrow that settled in her pores all for him?

“Hey stop that,” he eventually said, pulling back,” or I'll make clockwork take me back in time so you never find out.” He didn’t mean it, he never did.

Jazz laughed a little wetly, he didn’t comment on it. Why would he? Also didn’t get a chance as she ruffled his hair, despite the fact that he was now much taller than her. “People are allowed to care about you, asshole.”

He scrunched his nose up at that,” ew what? I detest affection.”

“Oh detest another good one, really racking up those vocab words huh?” she sniffled her hands on her hips, a little lean in her back as she smirked.

Snorting, he stepped back and fixed his hair,” how about we make this a competition?”

“Huh?”

“First one to make Vlad burst out of his casket and rage in ghost mode wins.”

“Really? What would the winner get?”

He tapped his chin making a humming noise,” how about this, loser has to reveal their secret.”

Jazz laughed nervously,” I don’t have a secret Danny.”

Danny gave her a look,” Jazz, I’ve met your girlfriend.”

She bit her lip looking down at his outstretched hand, a debate playing in her eyes.

“Hey you don’t have to if you don’t wanna,” he said softly,” this is just meant for fun after all.” he knew better than most what forcing this stuff did.

”No, it’s fine,” she took his hand and shook, if a little clumsily,” that doesn’t mean they have to meet her though.”

“Oh don’t worry,” he said,” it won’t be my fault if they do that’ll be entirely on them.”

“Danny!” she exclaimed at him as he fled to the other side of the church. Finally this funeral was going to be interesting!

“Can you keep a secret?” he asked the swaying uncle of Vlad. The man smelled of beer and hors d'oeuvres. Not that Danny could judge if it wasn’t for the thick layer of spray on deodorant that his mom smothered him in right before he got in the uber then he’d probably smell just as rank. Then there was the fact that he’d pregamed to.

The older man narrowed his eyes at Danny, he was shocked to see the man he looked to hardly be much older than Vlad yet he was his uncle? He’d gone to ask about it but thought better about it, the less lore he knew about Vlad’s family the better, he really didn’t want to know about how many kids and when and how the Masters ‘clan’ had. Conversation with the older man was… stilted, to say the least. But he was certain that if he told him something then it wouldn’t get back to him. And that was half the game wasn’t it? Finding a way to spread the most rumours without people finding out it was him or Jazz. All without powers of course, that almost went without saying. 

The man didn’t seem too broken up about Vlad, they probably weren’t that close and Danny had always gotten the impression from the billionaire that he was a smidge too snobbish to fully have developed relationships with people. As often as he teased Jazz for being snobby, she at least was nowhere near as bad as Vlad. Man damn near invented snobbishness and assholery. He’d have to ask clockwork if Vlad’s ancestors were just as bad. Judging by some of his family, probably not.

“Well before he passed,” Danny prompted, pausing in a way to snag the older man's attention.

“Yes?” the older man asked when he didn’t continue.

“Well,” Danny fidgeted with his nail,”  you know his signed Packers jersey?”

The older man nodded eagerly.

Danny looked to the side,” it’s a fake,” he whispered to the man.

“Really?”

He nodded,” yeah, but please don’t tell anyone,” he added,” it’s bad enough that they know he was banned from buying the team-”

“He was what?” 

Danny fought to hide a smirk. He knew it’d be easier to sell this lie if he started smaller.

“I thought everyone knew!”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, most of the town knows, it’s just, no one talked about it to be polite.” okay that might have been overselling it a bit but the distant relative seemed to really be drinking it in.

“What did he do?”

Danny looked side to side like he didn’t want anyone to overhear.

“Well a few years ago when he was closing the deal to buy the team he got caught stalking some of the members!”

“Really?” the uncle asked,” wha- why?”

Danny shrugged,” they never really found the reason he was following them, he was even trying to seduce some of the wives.”

The man gasped,” I- really?” 

Danny nodded. “But you can’t tell anyone you have to promise me.”

He watched as the man smiled in what he thought was slyness,” of course! I just, with all of those wives he had!”

 Within the next five minutes Danny heard the rumour circulate across the room and it had grown legs. How glorious those rumours legs were. 

“I heard he’d tried to break up a marriage on the team!” an ex wife (Maggie maybe?) hissed.

The other ex (Mary? The other woman might have called her) laughed,” would it really be any surprise? With what he did to Morgan and Melenie?”

The first woman nodded sagely,” fair I can’t believe I even fell for his tricks.”

All things considered the rumour was spreading well, and there was not even a gasp of a suggestion that he was the source. He couldn’t wait to hear what Jazz had invented, with the rumbles he’d already started to hear, it was probably great. Jazz always did have a way of getting into people’s heads. Find what interests them the most.

“So this daughter of Vlad's?” the woman he was talking to prompted, he vaguely remembered Jazz saying her name was Maddison. She’d found him again some time later; her child now safely deposited over by the other kids with their group babysitter. They were in the middle of the church now, the other two still whispering about the packers' spouses.

“ ‘Elle?” he asked as if he’d forgotten.

The woman nodded her curls bouncing as she did.

“Can I see a picture of her?”

He pulled up an older photo of them hanging out, the picture was grainy and they were both sticking their tongues out at the camera. Shit he’d really forgotten how alike they looked.

“You both-” the woman said before stopping. She glanced at his parents. 

Shit he had to go into damage control,” well she’s also my cousin,” he fibbed.

“Cousin?”

“Yes! Technically once removed? Or something like that, I didn’t meet her until a few years ago, we were really blown away with the family resemblance!” he laughed. "Really it's uncanny!"  He continued.

Too far! Too far! He was leaning into it too much! It wasn’t like he could just tell her the truth, that Dani was Vlad's only successful half dead clone of him! Then he’d also have to out two things about himself to her.

“She travels a lot,” he added. He really needed to learn when to shut his big mouth,” she was in Paris a few years ago actually.”

“Really?”

He couldn’t even blame the alcohol! He was just this stupid naturally huh? They’d been saying it for years Sam and Tucker, if only he’d taken them seriously before this. His idiocy might really be terminal.

“Yup, I haven’t seen her in awhile though, hopefully she visits again!”

Scrutinizing eyes scanned him up and down, darting from each corner of his face hunting out the ruse. He really needed to learn to shut his big mouth.

“Do you have her number?”

Crashing noises filled his brain. Her number? The last thing that he had expected was interest in ‘Elle. he’d just thought that they’d get upset at Vlad and leave it at that.

“ ‘E-elle's?” he asked.

“Yes, I’m sorry if this is prying but me and the other ladies,” she gestured to a few of them,” we’re talking and we want to support her!”

“I-” he hesitated, he hadn’t really planned for this,” what?”

The older woman nodded,” we all talked it out and if we get the estate we’re going to support one another and the kids, and it seems like ‘Elle just got stuck in the middle of this like the rest of us.”

“Yeah uh, let me just text her first?”

“Of course honey!”

Danny walked away from that conversation feeling distinctly weirder than before. Regardless he pulled up his phone and slid out the keyboard.

He opened up the “With an I” contact.

  Hey i accidentally got you adopted by like fifteen random women that used to date vlad

5:43 p.m.

  You what? Lul

5:45 p.m.

 He looked up around him before typing out the next message

  Yeah long story short he faked his death. Its weird

5:46 p.m.

I’m at the funeral and the exes wanna like support you?

5:46 p.m.

  Well Vlad wasn’t good for much but at least i now have a multitude of mothers

5:47 p.m.

  So i can give them your number?

5:47 p.m.

  Yeah have at it! If this causes chaos for vlad im all for it !

5:48 p.m.

“So her phone number is.”

By the time he’d separated himself from that conversation a few more rumours were floating.

“I heard that the reason he died in a car crash is because he was on the run from the law!” one of vlad's relatives whispered.

“Really!” another responded.

Elsewhere some of the attending staff were murmuring too. “I heard that he got caught smuggling maple syrup cans from canada!”

“Cans?”

“Yes apparently the good stuff is canned there.”

He walked to a new group this time with the suits.

“I hear that the money in the accounts is dirty.”

“According to my source his invested stocks were backed with illegal funds.”

“If there’s drugs really attached to it like I was told then I don't want anything to do with it.”

“I agree it's hard enough to get money from wills with spouses involved. It's even harder if the feds sniff any drugs.”

“It might not even be worth it to try with all of the ladies,” a different suit complained,” I overheard them talking about lawyering up together if anything goes wrong.”

Another much older suit scoffed,” this business was much easier before the exes started working together.”

Finally he heard his own new rumour starting to gain some traction.

“Wasn’t it found out that he was stealing science equipment from the nearby college?”

“Oh whatever for?”

“I heard it was for making a specialty shampoo.”

“I’ve always wondered how he kept his hair so nice and shiny.��

 Jazz was good, too good, considering that neither of them had really clicked into any social cliques in highschool. Now she was gossiping better than even any of the A-listers.

“It’s just such a shame that they can’t come,” Jazz was even fake sobbing, damn he was going to have to up his game.

“Who couldn’t come?” One of Vlad's older cousins asked, Danny wondered if Jazz was screaming inside at the hand she had around one of the older exes' waists, it was casual and tender. If one of Vlad's exes was getting together with his cousin because of the  funeral , Danny would shriek from laughter, hell if he accidentally used his ghostly wail it’d be well worth it. Vlad of all people deserved to have a partner snatching occur to him. 

“Oh I’m sorry,” Jazz said,” I thought that everyone knew,” she looked from side to side,” please don’t tell the other ex wives Monroe I’d hate for their feelings to get hurt over this.”

Damn she was good. The wife- Monroe who was leaning comfortably on the cousin nodded.

“Of course Jazzie,” she said in a deep comforting New York accent,” this can be brought up to them later more delicately later.  Though I must admit,” she said after a pause where Jazz thanked her for her discretion.” I myself am curious who wasn’t able to come.”

“Well you know how he used to do ghost research with mom and dad?”

Where was she going with this? She was selling it well, Danny had to admit but for the life of him he couldn’t guess where this was going.

“Yes of course,” the cousin nodded as Monroe spoke.

“I can’t name the amount of times he used to write home in our youth about his little ghost adventures,” the cousin added.

Jazz nodded ,” well at the school there was the Lunch Lady Ghost and the Box Ghost, he was seeing them romantically in between their stays in the ghost zone.”

Danny held back a snort box ghost! If he laughed too hard in that moment he’d drop the ghost form and would fall on top of the group that’d gathered around her. As much control as he’d mastered over his abilities over the past couple years there was nothing that would be able to save him from Jazz’s wit. 

“I’m sure box ghost is very helpful for moves,” one of the crowd commented amicably. The others though had nothing to say. Clearly they’d all actually met Box Ghost. 

The gossip might have even stayed in that circle if it weren’t for another one of the cousins being right there and then deciding to tell his wife, who then told one of the ex-wives, who then told another, who then told a suit. So on and so forth.

By the time that Danny was back in human form and settled on the opposite side of Jazz’s conversation he was hearing the children that some of the wives had brought talking about Vlad ‘holding hands’ with the Box Ghost and Lunch Lady. Why couldn’t he have thought about that? It was so good, it was perfect, literally no one could prove it wrong. And embarrassing, seriously Box Ghost!

All the stuff he knew to be true about Vlad sounded so far-fetched.

Half ghost?

Well most people didn’t know about them.

The time he infected his two closest and longest friends with ghost pimples?

Needed the half ghost context. 

If only there was some-

“I hate Vlad!” one of the kids near him cried out stomping down his foot.

Unsurprisingly all of the kids agreed, okay he was a little surprised, usually Vlad had the wool pulled over on most people. So the fact that all of these kids  hated him really meant something.

“He stole my cotton candy at the fair!”

“Well he told me that I didn’t need to see daddy anymore cause he was gonna replace him!”

Eager ears pointed at them he drank in their every complaint. He’d known that Vlad was cartoonish levels of evil for awhile (see the infecting teens with ghost acne for personal gain as proof, or kidnapping him and his mom) but never had he truly expected for him to be so stupid as to do it all in the open in front of all of these kids. Then again some of this might be his obsession making him act out. Smallest sliver of him almost felt bad about that, the fact that Vlad was in a way forced to be this way, but it wasn’t really anything he wasn’t before. Obsessions just highlighted what was already there. Made it more severe.

 “Uhm excuse me,” he tapped the shoulder of one of the shorter women,” Mallory?” He'd asked the babysitter for her name but for the life of him he was struggling to keep all of the exes straight in his head. There were just too many of them and they all looked too similar to his mom.

“Yes,” her eyes flickered with recognition,” Danny?”

He laughed,” yeah that’s me!”

“Some of the others were mentioning you!” she said with a bright smile taking his hand,” thank you for telling us about ‘Elle! I can’t believe he kept her a secret from all of us for so long.”

He nodded in agreement,” well about Vlad-”

“Oh no, what else was he hiding?” she asked, there was a laugh ringing from her but Danny didn’t need ghost senses to know it was dead on arrival,” I’ve learned so much more here at his funeral than I ever did when we’d been together.”

He laughed a little at that, a stilted awkward laugh that only filled his chest halfway. He almost felt bad telling her about this, but she deserved to know the truth. “Well I overheard some of the kids complaining about Vlad.”

He filled her in on what he’d overheard about the kids, the petty little actions of Vlad. The cotton candy he’d stolen (which was weird he’s rich), the fathers he threatened to replace, it was all so bizarre. Danny was about halfway through when the casket began to shake.

Vlad masters was not an impulsive man. He was calculated, smart and forward thinking. At least he certainly liked to think so.  No impulsive man goes out of his way to plan his nemesis’ death and demise for twenty years. No reckless person would spend his time building an empire carefully crafting his abilities and connections for taking down his enemy.  Vlad however to his greatest distaste was in fact still half human and not infallible. While he was meticulous and in his personal opinion exceedingly intelligent he had no way to properly plan for wrenches in his schemes.

The fenton boy, Daniel was his biggest hurdle but it was only a matter of time before he found the right way to tackle the issue. He was just a particularly big roadblock. If only his emotional attachment to his dunderheaded father wasn’t so strong. These issues were all small potatoes compared to the one he was in now. The details can be spared and smoothed over all that was truly important was that he was at his own funeral.

He’d always wondered what people's reaction to his death would be. Contact with his extended family had been… loose, for the lack of a better term since his ‘accident’.  Deep down however he knew that when or if his time came, truly came, that they’d have a reaction. Probably sadness, he had been close to a few of them before his accident, hell he’d been close to them before his company had taken off. At the end of the day he simply had better things to do. Plans to make, revenge to ruminate on. It wasn’t his fault that they’d fallen to the wayside. They simply weren’t as important as Maddie.

He’d toyed with the idea that maybe his dear Maddie would sob over him, that she’d denounce Jack when she saw that he was no longer an option. How deeply poetic it’d be for that to happen. He never liked the idea of her only realizing their potential then but he couldn’t ignore the artful symmetry of it all. Some of the books that Maddie used to read in college had those even beginning and ends, those swooping through lines that tied it all nicely in a pretty bow. His first death had ripped her away from him. It’d gifted her to Jack on a silver platter, and his second oh how glorious it’d be if it drew her to him. Making her denounce her imbecile of a husband. Leaving the stocky man discarded.  Beauty was in the eye of the beholder and even with its harsh edges his death bringing her close to him was something to behold. If only that was what he was watching happen.

Unfortunately for Vlad Masters Owner, Ceo, and founder of Vladco. Life was not an art piece nor a well orchestrated game of football. No instead he got to lay still (half) alive in his exceedingly expensive casket and listen to the dolt sob.

It started like all of the worst things while heading to the Fenton's for another plan to be set in motion. The restraining order was still being held up in the courts so there was technically nothing legally stopping him from seeing them, or especially her. Besides he was a billionaire, those things were more fine machines than anything for him. Once it was enacted all he’d have to do was pay a fine.

Unfortunately it was during the drive that issues started. Again finer details notwithstanding for he’d run them all in his head a thousand times now while laying in this blastedly comfortable casket. While on the drive it became clear to him he was being followed.  No matter , he’d smugley told himself. He’d been followed by techbro fans before they were easy to deter. Easy to remove from his time and life. However in a deeply detestable turn of events the car following him did not belong to a fan.

He knew from the offset of seeing the make and model that it wasn't his average follower, those types usually had older beaters or worse highly expensive care that they had no business owning. No, instead this car was perfectly down the middle of class and price. How he detested those cars, they had no class. It was effectively similar to the many unmarked police cars that he used to have follow him during his brief stint as mayor. 

Regardless the car was tailing his limo, it was simple at first to attempt to outmaneuver them. Eventually his limo was pinned.

Blah blah blah mindless details later some pointless shooting at him with guns and he’d jacked their car. In the end it was simply easier to fake a fatal car crash. then there were all of those witnesses that had to see his death. Walking it back was impossible all circumstances considered. At least when they attacked him they only knocked his driver out, the legal case of that would have been a logistical nightmare and he still had some hopes of getting access to his funds later. 

It was almost funny in a karmic way. Almost as poetic as he had wanted pretending to be dead to be. Only problem was it was poetic in exactly the opposite way. The person that he hated most there sobbing the loudest. It’d be so much easier if it was Madeline sobbing. If she was sobbing, a faked death could be almost satisfying. If she melted down it could almost be worth it. Instead it was Jack Fucking Fenton. 

Numerous things were to be expected from his funeral, Daniel's arrival, yes, Maddie’s, undoubtedly. Even Jazz’s and Jack’s all expected arrivals. Some of them were more annoying than others but they were the requisite arrivals. Even his gaggle of ex flings was to be expected (they had to try and get their hands on the estate and money somehow. Well jokes on them he’d left it all to Maddie). No, what he hadn’t been prepared for was Jack’s incessant wailing and sobbing. 

The man was besides himself absolutely losing his mind right next to his goddamn open casket. It was getting hard to keep a straight face when he wanted nothing more than to leap from the plush silk sheets and throttle the man. His hands might not quite reach around the other mans thick neck but he could give it a good try he was sure. To put it simply and without intense amounts of rage he had mentally calculated for a lot of variables, not one of them being Jack of all people struggling to breath, choked out sobs instead of breaths coming from him as he hovered nearby. Not a single variable included being cried on by the most loathsome man in all of Amity Park. Every tear that fell on Vlad’s extremely expensive make up was another tally against the man’s. Had he no clue how hard it was to not flinch every time a drop of water splattered on his face? It was much harder than it looked he’d have him know.

Didn’t the idiot realize that he hated him? That he’d never cared for him? At least not since his death. 

Worse was when Maddie and the Fenton children staggered in, he could smell the alcohol on them from a mile away. It was tasteless! The smell alone nearly made him leap from his casket and throttle them where they stood (Maddie with exception of course). Have they no respect for the dearly departed? Have they no care for social decorum? Those Fenton spawn would never survive in high class society. Not like himself and Maddie. Oh how he wished he’d never gone for those pale imitations. They hardly kept up with all that he needed.

All he had to do now was ignore everyone and get through the funeral and he could be Plasmius full time. Pursue Maddie 24/7 with no worries of the law (though with some worries of Phantom). If only those blasted Fenton's would stop spreading rumours about him! And he knew it was them! Who else would say such outrageous things?

Okay certainly if one wanted to be technical Danielle was his daughter, but he hadn’t raised her. She was not his blood, she was not his in the most important ways.

Then there was that rumour about the-

“He-hey Vlad.”

Oh, oh no.

“I uh, I’m gonna miss you.” 

No no no no no! He couldn’t do this! He wouldn’t do this! He would not stand for this! He did not go out of his way to fake his death for this. 

Jack blew his big blubbering nose into a handkerchief so hard it honked. Honked! He was going to throttle this man at his earliest convenience. Getting cried on he could deal with, revolting as it was. What he couldn’t and wouldn’t deal with getting yammered at. That was not in the details. He did  not  plan for this.

“I- uhm- I know we weren’t really close these last few years.”

That was putting it lightly.

“Or really at all since college,” there was a wet laugh from Jack.

If that oaf ended up coughing slobber on him- Maybe if he tried hard enough he could die for real, that’d be nice. He’d never really craved death before, not like in this moment. It’d be so much easier if he just didn’t have to hear this.

“I-I know you didn’t really like me in the end.” 

Wait what? Had he finally gotten a clue? That was a first. Maybe his overt plotting had finally gotten through to the oaf. If Jack attacked him now that’d almost make this all worth it. He might even consider revealing he’s Plasmius if he did.

“I know I messed up, I-I must have hurt you, I don’t really know how, but- but uh, I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”

Yes ye- He was what?

There was another laugh sob from his  ex  friend,” It’s probably too late since you’re uh- dead, but whatever it is I did to hurt you, I'm sorry. I hope,” he trailed off into a high pitched keening whine. 

Stop stop stop! This is not what he wanted!

“I hope you rest well Vlad.”

Footsteps receded away from him at that. 

Well what the fuck was he supposed to do with that? What in the world was he supposed to do with that knowledge? Internalize it? Grow and change as a person? He was (half) dead! He was well past the point of growth! He was beyond growth.

For all Jack knew he wasn’t coming back! For him and basically all of them he wasn’t coming back! The only person that would know was Daniel and maybe his sister if he told her. Maybe his brat friends if he messaged them. 

What did Jack get out of telling him all of that?

Certainly not money, the will had left everything to sweet Maddie, not him. Some sort of moral upper hand? A sense of feeling like he got one over Vlad?

No the dolt wasn’t that complex, his intelligence lay somewhere between absentminded and incompetant on a good day, there was no moral forethought. Yet why did the words settle so deeply in a corner of himself? Carving out a crevice in him that ached and burned?

“Did you hear about why Vlad couldn’t buy the green bay packers?”

Why? Why did it dig in his flesh? why when he’d thought he’d burned all of that away.

I'm Sorry.

“No, why?”

Life was easier when he was fully alive. College life was simpler. At least then he could fool himself that Maddie thought of him equally as she did Jack.

“Well I heard that he was stalking the team!”

What?

Why would he stalk them? He’d never stalked someone once in his entire life! (death maybe but he’d never admit that) he could buy all the tickets to their games he had no reason to stalk them!

There was no practicality in stalking them. Just like Jack had no reason to apologize to him! The idiot didn’t even know what he’d done to hurt him. He hadn’t ripped the apology from Jack. He wasn't on his knees begging from him. Hell he didn’t even know that he’d killed Vlad. Jack Fenton was as oblivious to the fact that he’d died back in college as he was to the fact that his own son was dead and playing hero as Phantom.

The density of the man was rivaled by no other.

But then why did he apologize?

“Did you hear?”

He got nothing out of it.

Why did it ache?

Burn? He wanted for years nothing more than to make the man sob and beg for forgiveness.

Why did having it fulfill nothing?

“About him and the Box Ghost?”

Would it burn just as painfully if he finally got sweet Madeline’s confession? Would it ring just as hollow?

“I thought it was the lunch lady ghost?”

No. There was something about Jack that made it wrong. Something about that blathering moron that lashed the words to him like a blade.

“I think it was both.”

And what the hell were they all blathering on about? What was all of this nonsense about Box Ghosts and smuggling and stalking? What were any of their empty little words? 

Did any of that really matter? Their blathering human rumours and petty squabbles when he, the very guest of honour in all ways but one was laying here before their very eyes on the precipice of something? He was teetering at some edge, he didn’t know what it was but he could just make out the shape of the hole he was almost toppling in, he just had to know what it was. He just-

“Well I heard-”

They heard- they heard! What did it matter what they’d all heard! Nothing that they heard could matter in the slightest not when he was dealing with this! Not when he was reeling with whatever this was! The weight and size of it completely overtaking him and yet none of them aware, he was suffocating being overtaken by the edge of knowledge some realization he’d yet to make and hee still couldn’t read it. All because they wouldn’t stop blathering on and on about what? Lies?

Stupid foolish tales spun by his greatest enemy!

By a child.

If it were not for the show and pageantry of it all, if it were not for the display that he’d set about around him he’d be yanking his hair by the roots, tearing it slowly strand by strand from his scalp. And if there was one thing that Vlad Masters was, it was a showman! He was dramatic and he was going to be so unabashedly it was not his fault that there was no one that yearned for his life to roll onwards like Jack. None of it could be held against him. He was a romantic! Everything he did was for  her.

Had it truly all been for nothing?

All these years.

Had she never really cared?

“Dirty money, attached to drugs. I wouldn’t touch it with a ten foot pool.”

All this time.

Did he really-

“Never even mentioned a daughter!

All his schemes!

Jack's tears were so warm when they cut the thick funeral makeup.

“So many secrets for him to keep.”

Dozens of attempts on his life!

Did he really  care? The water on his face was still warm.

“Wasn’t the cause of his crash a run from the law?”

“Would you all just shut up already!”

Silence blanketed the church as Vlad’s voice finished ringing out the wooden box still perched on its little stage. The casket was still shaking and the flowers were falling from the box as the hush grew sharper. Energy crackled from the casket shooting out and blowing the bulb above. Glass fell from the light falling gently on the flower petals. 

None one spoke, Danny’s father had a hand over his mouth, new large tears welling up. He looked green and pale, unlike most of the stunned guests he looked like he was about to be sick.

Danny shot a glance at Jazz, she nodded and jerked her head to the side. He ducked out. Things were about to get hairy.

There was no response from Vlad for a second as it seemed the outburst was done. Even the children who’d been shrieking with laughter and joy from their play for most of the funeral were silent. The falling glass and shaking box were deafening in the silence. Danny ducked behind a pillar and into the doorway that led to the restrooms. There was no one there. The closest person was his mom but she was standing silent and stunned not an eye tilted away from the casket. He couldn’t blame her.

It wasn’t everyday your incel stalker had a breakdown after he’d legally died.

He transformed. On the most part there weren’t many people near the casket. It was just a few lingering Exes, most people were near the refreshment table. His first line of action should be to grab the people near the stage and get them to safety. Then?

Well the rest was adlib. 

At least he had stored the Fenton thermos in his suit jacket (just in case). If only Sam or Tucker were there. Things were so much easier with their help.

Just as he was about to jump into the situation, the group of exes all swarmed Vlad. Shit he’d have to replan everything. He wouldn’t be able to get in an ecto-blast with out the fret of hitting one of them. He could always try Ice or a little storm cloud?

Just as a new plan was starting to formulate one of them (Maria?) slapped Vlad hard across the face.

Smack.

The noise echoed loudly across the church.

He grimaced.

Oh.

He did not want to get in the middle of whatever that was. He really didn’t want to get in the middle of it at all. Backing back into the bathroom he turned back to normal. Didn’t matter what the situation was, he was not going to get in the middle of a dozen or so angry exes and Vlad. It was his grave (even if Danny had helped him dig it a little) like hell Danny was getting buried with him.

“Vlad Masters!” one of the exes screamed,” you slimy pathetic excuse of a man.”

Yeah Danny was not getting in that, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to watch.

“Ow!” Vlad cried out, his eyes were glowing red, but aside from that he still looked very much the same. 

Weird, Danny didn’t expect him to stay in human form. He guessed it made sense if he changed into Plasmius the gig would be up. There’d be a lot of questions too. Knowing Vlad’s tendency to monologue he might even explain the concept of Halfa’s.

“M-Maria!” the older man stammered out,” darling hello-”

The woman smacked him again,” I’m Maggie,” she spat out.

Danny winced, yikes. Makeup covered Vlad's gaunt face but Danny could imagine the smarting red forming on his cheeks.

“Y-yes of course, how could I mistake your beauty, how foolish of me to compare the two of-”

The clearing of a throat interrupted as Maria herself tapped her foot.

“Maria!” Vlad exclaimed this time correct, even if taken by surprise.

“Yes,” the woman agreed,” but don’t mind me, what were you saying? Something about comparison?”

The billionaire awkwardly laughed as he seemed to take in the fact that he was surrounded by all of his exes. Phantom wasn’t even needed. Villain defeated right then and there by the rage and power of his many exes. Again Danny found himself desperate to find out whatever the older man had done to make everyone hate him so just to do the express opposite.

When he actually fully died he hoped his funeral wasn’t this… whatever plan he actually ended up with he just didn’t want this.

“So,” Jazz said as she settled next to him leaning on the pillar with him,” any idea what got him up?”

“Nah,” Danny shrugged looking over to his sister. She looked more sober now, less unstable on her feet.” He didn’t really decree what his gripe was this time.”

Jazz sighed,” so no winner yet.”

“Unfortunately,” he said,'' He also technically didn’t go ghost mode.”

Jazz groaned resting her head on his shoulder,” I wanted to go home, these heels are killing me!”

He stuck a tongue out at her,” shoulda transed your gender like I did,” he teased quietly.

“Ha! Really funny Danny,” she flatly commented with a roll of her eyes at the tired joke.

“Ah meany,” he pouted.

“You walk in these heels at a funeral,” she complained again,” At least if he went full ghost It’d be socially acceptable to ditch them.”

He bit his tongue remembering a rant that Sam had gone on recently about heels and social pressure. How she’d then thrown one of her platform boots at Tuck when he made a remark. Jazz probably wouldn’t appreciate his lovesick ramblings about them.

“Looks like we'll just have to continue to watch this unfold.” he said instead with a sarcastic twinge.

“Oh what a shame!” Jazz said flatly,” sucks to be us.”

Danny snickered as Vlad continued to try to dig himself out of his hole. How he wished Sam and Tucker were here. Unfortunately for him they were both far too busy. Ah well he’d just have to video it all for them.

How unfortunate for Vlad that he was made to sit through his own will reading, and how fortunate for Danny Fenton that he was the one that got to watch it all go down. In the entire time that he and Vlad had been nemesis he never knew just how much he wanted exactly this to happen. Actually if someone ever suggested this happening younger him probably wouldn’t have appreciated just how funny this was. No fourteen-to-fifteen him was far too invested in things like learning his powers and finding out just how observant the rest of town was. Also looking cool. Adult him however? Freshly 21 and college attending him? Oh he could enjoy the fuck out of this situation.

There was some minor debate among some guests over how ethical it was since Vlad's ‘ghost’ was now here to view the reading. Some point could be made that it might be weird...

“Isn’t it rude?” one family member had suggested.

But...

“It might be in bad taste,” another guest had even pipped up.

No one really liked Vlad anyways

“Oh no!” Morgan said,” I want to know what it says, and who better to see how accurate it all is.”

Oh how glad he was that those few were beaten out. How glad he was that the crowd was seeing blood. That the group was too nosey and invested in the drama to really get caught up in such small things as ethics.  How grateful he was that the exes were in half a mind to Kill Vlad a second time.

Fortunate he was, that his luck was finally turning up. It might even be the universe trying to pay him back for all of the shit he’d been dealing with since he was fourteen. Return investment on the untimely youth death. Honestly if it was it was a pretty bang up start all things considered. He’d have to find out if there was a ghost involved in the control of karma. They might just end up with an edible arrangement on their lair door. Older adults loved that shit so ghosts should too.

“Hm,” the lawyer said when they entered the room with the walking corpse of Vlad masters. The office was small and hardly held everyone, but snugly, far too snugly for comfort they all fit on the other side of the large desk.

No one said anything to the lawyer. Whether the man had been privy to the rest of the funeral or had just arrived Danny didn’t know but he had to admit this entire situation was bizarre even with full context. Not many of them knew ghost rules and the only ones that did were in either stunned or gleeful silence. There was no objection to the fact that Vlad had dragged his body with him, not a voice descenting on the fact that his form hadn’t shifted. Not a single attendee seemed perturbed by the fact that Vlad was not really a ghost.

Even the paid bounty hunters didn’t know how to discern ghosts from humans judging by their stunned expressions. Though he’d love to watch one of them attack Vlad in the middle of a church. Stabbing a man in the house of god might just be a big sin, though Danny wasn’t sure.

“Well this is unprecedented,” the lawyer commented,” never in my time have I ever seen a dead man rise for the reading of his own will.”

Vlad grumbled but no one could make out the words as the two exes on either side of him glared. 

Oh how fortunate Danny was indeed, never before had he ever been so glad for his untimely death. If it all led to watching Vlad squirm like this still trying to keep his alter ego a secret? Pain and strife, the many attacks and attempts on his life were worth it.

“Well if there is no protest,” the lawyer said. For a moment Vlad looked very much like he wanted to protest, but the glares of the exes kept him silent and made him snap his jaw shut. Danny knew what went into keeping a corpse looking fresh. Shame the mortician seemed to have skipped wiring the jaw shut. Then, Vlad didn’t seem to need physical wires to keep him silent and well behaved, his Exes were all doing that job very well.

“In that case,” the lawyer sounded queasy, if Danny wasn’t so invested with the drama unfolding he might have turned to verify. “Then I believe we will begin.”

The man started out by reading the long legal preamble, the paragraphs upon paragraphs of titles and information about Vlad that was included. Danny understood that him being the owner of VladCo was technically important for the will but did he need to include all of his ten titles at the company in the will? It just felt excessive. ‘Ceo, entrepreneur, founder, head of decisions, etc.’ did anyone care? Leaving out the most important title of ‘asshole’ was the biggest mistake of his will.

“Yes I think we get it,” Monroe said, her accent clipping the words in stiff professionalism. Bless her for cutting the pain short. “I do have,” the woman glanced at the cousin who was still holding her hand,” A more important social engagement to attend to with Carmila.”

The lawyer stammered,” yes of course ma’am my apologies.”

“It reads:

‘First, I hereby denounce all previous wills made by myself, Vlad Masters, no matter nature or kind.

Second I Vlad Masters hereby appoint,” the lawyer paused making a face before he continued,” Madeline Fenton love of my life as the executor of my estate, networth, and-” the lawyer paused,” the ownership of my beloved cat ‘Maddie the cat, the third-”

“Huh, I guess you listened to my suggestion after all and got a cat.” Danny muttered as at the same moment his mother reached her breaking point

“You what?” Maddie was standing out of her chair, indignation flaring in her eyes,” Vlad! I don’t want any of this.”

“But but,” Danny tuned the man out as he made the normal declarations of love. Trite at this point his mind was already trying to entertain itself. Fast forwarding this would be nice, if only his core was time based. But no he got Ice, and Weather, and other weird disconnected powers. He was electrocuted to death! Cruel that he didn’t get cool electrocution powers.

They were still arguing when he tuned back in. Loath wasn’t a powerful enough describer for this love diatribe that Vlad spewed every three to five business days. His mom yelled something back, a few of the ex wives even chiming in agreement. Well at least they didn’t hate mom that was a plus.

He shot Jazz a look as he repositioned his phone camera to get a better shot.

‘This again?’ he tried to communicated with his expressions. Tuck usually laughed when he tried and Sam told him he looked to constipated.

She shrugged and nodded as if to say  ‘this again.’

“I am happily married! I told you I won't leave Jack for you!”

Tuning out the conversation didn’t seem to leave out many details. Everything was falling exactly into the same patterns as always.

“Maddie please-” the billionaire tried to beg.

This made the woman snap,” no don’t Maddie please me! You have not respected my decision to marry Jack since it happened, well guess what Vlad it’s too late for you! You were never even an option!” she turned to Jack and put a hand on his shoulder. her voice much softer when she spoke,” come on honey we’re leaving. Kids?” She turned to the two Fenton children. The both of them stood with no protest. Like hell they were going to end up on the wrong side of their mother right now. Mission orientated as she was they had no doubt she could commit Vlad's murder and get away with it. legally she might even considering the fact that he was technically a 'ghost' right now.

Just as she was about to step out the door she turned,” oh and ladies, don’t worry about a legal battle I’ll work with our family lawyer to transfer everything to all of you.”

There were some small thanks from the stunned Exes as the office door latched shut behind them.

 The air in the car was-

Well the word tense didn’t really sum up the air but it was the best approximation that Danny had. It could have gone worse, he supposed he could have genuinely ended up fighting Vlad again. Chances where that if he fought Vlad while he was Plasmius that the formerly rich business mogul would then use the moment to out Danny as Phantom. Not just his family but all of the church. If he had to rate the evening it was definitely not as bad as he expected. About a six or seven, depending on his critical he was being.

“Uh so who won the bet?” he whispered to Jazz. he wasn’t worried about his parents, Maddie was soothingly rubbing circles on Jack’s back as the man drove. That and they were sat in the back, sometimes the front seats struggled to hear them at a normal level forget a whisper.

Jazz furrowed her brows,” I guess neither of us really won, he didn’t even go ghost.”

Nodding, he thought back to the man’s loud entrance,” He also didn’t say what rumour got him up.”

“So do we both lose?”

“I guess?” he looked over to his parents,” so we both tell them?”

Jazz sighed leaning back in her seat, hair dramatically laying behind her,” yeah I guess.”

“You don’t hav-”

Jazz cut him off with a snort,” no it’s fine, my things not really as big all things considered.”

Fair, she had a point with that. Their parents already knew that she was interested in men and women but still revealing partners to them was always weird and nerve wracking. The first time he’d introduced Sam and Tuck as partners and not friends he’d expected a lot more questions. Turns out if you hunt ghosts for a living nothing is really weird after that. They just bought him new sex ed books. Sentiment appreciated but still weird considering he could google that sort of thing now.

“So Danny,” his mom said, her fingers tightened on her phone. They were lucky she got old brick Nokias instead of those new Smart phones. She’d break them in a week. Jack wasn’t paying them much attention as he drove, he seemed to still be shell shocked. Hopefully he didn't crash, okay so maybe he didn't always like car rides. Sometimes the looming threat of a car crash really messed with his obsession.

“Yeah mom?” he asked.

“I was talking to some of the ladies.”

“Uh huh?” wherever she was going with this he didn’t like the tone.

“And imagine my surprise when one of them tells me Vlad has a daughter.”

“Weird right,” he said. Please stop, please stop! He begged, wherever this was going it was nowhere good. It would have been better if he’d just died in that accident. Screw whatever he thought back when he thought his luck was turning up. He was still the most unlucky bastard in all of amity park.

She hummed in agreement,” and imagine my surprise when they said she was your cousin.”

Danny didn’t have a response to that, Jazz was stifling a laugh next to him.

“And then,” she said,” she showed me a picture of her.”

“Really.”

“Yeah, Danny," there was a pause as she seemed to collect her words," why does she look like you pre transition?”

“Does she?” sweating wasn’t really something he did so much anymore, not since his core started cooling his mortal flesh, it was nice sometimes. But it didn’t stop nervous sweating. “I hadn’t noticed.”

“Hadn’t- Danny,” his mother sighed,” sweetie if you want to start presenting as a girl again you can. We won’t judge you.”

Wait what, “ what?!” 

Shrieking loud bursts of laughter came out of Jazz. 

“Jazz!”

That set him off, it was just so ridiculous.

“Honey I’m serious,” his mom sounded so upset her tone lost. She really was trying.

He couldn’t help it, it wasn’t his fault. It was just so out of the realm of what was happening. Man his parents really didn’t have any of the facts.

“Danny?” his father asked the tenseness in his shoulders from the funeral leaving way to confusion.

Him and Jazz made eye contact and the laughing got so much worse. If being part dead didn’t make him need to breathe so much less he’d be choking. He’d die, it was just- they still didn’t know and somehow that was all the funnier. God he was calling Tuck and Sam right after he explained everything they were going to get such a kick out of this. Especially Tucker.

“That’s not-” wheezes high and stringy, cutting him off, he was struggling even with his ghost lungs.

“Danny my boy,” Jack asked quietly,” what’s funny?”

“We’re trying to support you Danny!” his mother exclaimed.

Finally he quelled the laughter enough to speak,” okay okay,” he whipped a tear from his eye. “I’ll explain it all it just probably isn’t something dad needs to be driving for.”

“Danny what do-”

“Just trust me okay?” he grinned at his mom in what he hoped was reassurance. 

She sighed and looked at her husband, Jack furrowed his brows and the pair silently communicated before the man hit his turning signal.

 The small side road was perfectly out of the way enough that no one would be able to peer in. It was some half abandoned picnic area but none of them reached for their seatbelts to leave the car. It was just the closest spot they could stop.

“Okay,” he started giving Jazz a look, she nodded comfortingly,” Remember how the portal didn’t work at first?”

It took them a moment but they nodded in remembrance. 

“Right well I died.” it was best to just rip the Band-Aid off.

“What?”

“Danny- honey you’re not dead.”

He thought so at least, he sighed pinching his nose,” I need you guys to wait for questions till the end okay?”

“But honey you’re not dead!” she didn’t sound so sure as she looked him over.

“What your mother said my boy! You’re sitting right there!”

Danny groaned,” guys please?” there was a pause as they looked at each other and finally finally agreed to wait till the end. “Sam said I should check it out, see if I could fix it. I put on my suit, and,” he made a buzzing noise with his tongue,” the button shocked me to death when I hit it. It was dark so I didn't see,” he looked to the side. The trees outside were swaying peacefully in the wind. Jazz put a hand on his shoulder, he took a steading breath and clenched the hand with the thin invisible scars. “It was an accident but,” he turned back to them resolution in his eyes,” I died that day, When I woke up, well, brace yourselves okay,” he let the tugging cold of hic core shift and change his appearance.

There was silence. He’d expected something but, no, even Jazz wasn’t saying anything.

He cracked an eye open, his parents were staring at him dumbfounded. Yeah that was about par for the course.

“Well this happened and now, I’m half Ghost,” he admitted,” everyone in the ghost zone knows that’s why there were always so many attacks at the school.”

“Half?” his mom asked despite herself.

Danny nodded,” yeah I still age, and need to eat and breath... mostly on that last one. It’s kind of cool I can go invisible,” he demonstrated before changing back,” and phase through things and float,” he demonstrated both in succession allowing the belt to glide through him as he hovered up an inch. “Shoot Ecto-blasts… probably best if I don’t do that one in the car though,” he laughed.

“Okay,” his mom said. 

“Okay?” he asked.

His father nodded,” sure Son, we love you. It’s weird but, well we hunt ghosts for a living.”

He laughed,” yeah fair enough.”

"I-" his mom looked over at Jack," We're proud of you sweetie, that's a lot to undertake at so young."

he chuckled," it wasn't so bad, I had a lot of help," he grinned at Jazz," Between her Sam and Tuck I don't know if I would have lasted half the battles I did."

"You knew Jazz?" Their father asked his tone soft and slightly hurt.

She smiled softly," yeah, I walked in on him transforming. Thought it was best if I let him tell you guys."

"Part of the apprehension might have been the dissection thing," Danny addmited.

"I- honey-" his mom put a hand over her mouth in shock.

"I'm sorry son," His dad said," it was closed minded of us to assume stuff about ghosts we didn't know."

"Well you weren't always wrong. Just usually."

“So ‘Elle?” his mom prompted before Jack could pepper in questions about what the got right.

He sighed,” yeah her full name is Danielle, technically she’s the only living clone of me Vlad made.”

“Only living Clone?”

“Vlad made?”

Man he had a lot to explain. Years of events just gone unsaid. Some small part of the divide between them was shifting, growing smaller. 

“Is now a good time to tell you guys I have a girlfriend?”

Danny choked on a laugh. Not to long after his parents followed after the tension disrupted, Well at least he had Jazz to help explain. Sam and Tucker too when they weren’t busy. It'd be a mess and weird to finally clear the air between them, but at least he knew they were proud of him.

[httpbread]

hiii! didn't see if there was a character limit per rq, so if there is n i am breaking it just ignore me jabksbcjdj could u donthe general dating hcs for yumeko, mary and ririka too? thanks!

pairing: mary x reader, yumeko x reader

character limit has never crossed my mind until now lmao,,, also sorry i decided not to do ririka :( i love her i’m just not as familiar with her character so i dont think i could do her justice,, hope thats okay!!

-

Mary

- Mary avidly denies liking PDA but is almost always holding your hand. Whether she’s dragging you somehow, holding your hand under the table while she gambles with you next to her, or just trying to get your attention.

- for the most part, she’s a very confident girlfriend. She likes to take the lead and make you flustered and think she has you wrapped around her finger.

- until you compliment her. Or kiss her. Or hug her.

- Mary practically melts into a heap of embarrassment, mostly because she really enjoys it

- she never really pictured herself in a relationship especially not after the student council’s attempt to marry her off

- that is, until she met you, of course.

- she’s still trying to get the hang of the whole relationship thing though so you’ll definitely have to help her sometimes

- part of her wants to keep your relationship very private and never speak a word of it to the world

- and the other half wants to wrap an arm around your waist and yell at anyone who even glances at you that you’re hers

- not really in a possessive sort of way but more in a proud way

- she’s still shocked you said yes in the first place of course she’s proud to have you by her side!

- but sometimes she does dearly want to protect you from the world, and more importantly the school around you

- she’s terrified that one day the student council will target you and she won’t be able to win and has even debated on breaking up with you a few times just to keep you safe

- but when you wish her luck before a gamble...

- Mary really feels like she can win anything

- even though she’s scared to lose you, when you sit by her during a match she feels like she’s invincible. Especially when you take her hand discreetly under the table.

- Ironically, you’re like her good luck charm

- whenever you stay after school to watch her gamble, Mary always ALWAYS walks you home.

- she loves when you take her hand and swing it between the two of you sort of childishly as you walk along, talking about whatever had happened in the day and what you planned to do

- Mary never was one for small talk but she realizes she could listen to you talk for hours

- sometimes when you’re complaining about something she’ll get really into it and get feisty. sometimes even more than you. "I’ll go up there right now, dammit. Don’t you worry. I’ll make sure they never give you a problem again." "Mary no-"

- Mary discovers with you that she really loves sleepovers.

- there’s something about eating snacks and snuggling all night with you under too many covers that’s so relaxing to her. She doesn’t have to be big and bold. She doesn’t have to win or compete.

- with you, she can throw a piece of popcorn at your face and win at life watching you laugh or listen to you whine making her laugh

- she also, shockingly, really likes sleepovers on school nights

- that way she can play with your hair in the morning and get ready with you

- she loves walking you home from school but seeing you sleepy and sort of stumbling next to her really warms her heart. She thinks it’s funny to subtly bump shoulders with you as you trudge along. Plus the sunrise and the morning air is really nice, especially next to you.

- Yumeko sniffs out your relationship only on the second day you guys were official

- she’s delighted but Mary is dismayed

- Yumeko has claimed the title as her ‘wingman’ and now will often give her relationship advice and use you to tease her

- sometimes the advice is actually useful though... and it’s not the worst to see you making more friends... and getting along with her friends...

- but still. She tries to tell you Yumeko is nuts and you should keep away from her. It doesn’t work, but it’s worth a shot.

- Mary isn’t big on fancy dates. She’s more into casual stuff like eating together at the nearest shitty fast food joint. Mary would actually probably consider walking you home a date, unfortunately. But if it means spending time with you and making you happy, she’ll put in the effort to plan something a little more romantic every once in a while.

- this is really when Yumeko’s advice helps her out

- despite being kind of clumsy when it comes to romance and usual dating etiquette Mary does her best and she loves you very much

- she’s definitely always there to support you in everything you do and actively tries to be involved in your hobbies and see what you’re up to

- she’s also always there to stand up for you when others try and give you shit. You might have to drag her away because she has a tendency to get into full-blown arguments over even the slightest dirty look your way.

- Mary is doing her best.

Yumeko

- really hope you like gambling

- because her absolute FAVORITE thing to do is gamble with you

- would she use you as a bet?

- oh absolutely. no hesitation. but only when she knows exactly that she’ll win

- she thinks it’s cute if you get all nervous and even hotter if you’re confident in your gambling skills

- she’s actually a little sour when you can’t make it to one of her matches. not towards you but towards everyone who isn’t you.

- Yumeko is a freak for PDA tbh

- ALWAYS has her arms wrapped around you in one way or another. She feels like a snake trying to strangle you sometimes. she means well she just loves to love on you 

- could not give any less of a shit who sees. Will blatantly ignore anyone and everyone because you are her partner and she loves you very much.

- she’s a very enthusiastic girlfriend.

- always trying to do wild things to spice up your relationship. would absolutely suggest things like skydiving as a casual date. it’d be like a back and forth debate to finally get to a more calm medium date like a fancy restaurant or something.

- Yumeko doesn’t actually mind where you two go, she just likes to mess with you sometimes. She keeps you on your toes.

- not only is she super PDA friendly she flirts shamelessly with you all the time. She loves watching your reactions. 

- she also really loves to have you sit in her lap while she gambles. no matter how long the match is. 

- Yumeko likes to bring you to the mall to go shopping. Sometimes she tries to be sly and buy you things without you noticing but Yumeko has never been subtle a day in her life when it came to you.

- but also after a long day in the mall she always buys you ice cream and sits on the edge of the water fountain. It becomes a tradition to make a wish, even though it feels a little silly.

- Yumeko wouldn’t really go out of her way to keep you away from the student council but she would get heated fairly quickly if one of them tried to challenge you. She takes your place every single time and it is never followed by a pleasant atmosphere in-game.

- after something like that she definitely takes you to do something off-campus if not just straight to her house to just snuggle and take a nap

- Yumeko thrives off praise from you. She loves when you fawn over her with compliments and congratulations when she wins a match. She can’t stop beaming when you kiss her cheek and tell her she’s amazing.

- she definitely praises you a lot though. She thinks you’re the most interesting person she has ever met so of course, she thinks the world of you, and she is NOT afraid to show it.

- Yumeko loves you and she’ll be damned if you and everyone and their mother doesn’t know it.

[allbrainrot]

Hi! First, i love your writing🥺 Now to the point. How about felix, sylvain and dimitri pinning after the female reader? We are basically yeeting ingrid and placing a fem reader instead😂 Like, they are childhood friends and the three of them have had a lovestruck for her since they were kids? And now they just end up fighting for her love or smth? Either hdcns or an scenario is fine! You can pick whichever you wish! However if you dont want to write this req please dont feel forced to! Love u🥺

Thank you so much!! 🖤 And yes, you got it! Bye Ingrid LMAO 😎😎 I write pre timeskip wayyy better so I’m gonna just say that reader is 18 (i don’t write NSFW or anything but age is still a thing lol) so that they’re in between the ages of Dimi + Felix & Sylvain and it works out, hope you don’t mind! I love you too anon 🥺

- Dimi is probably the first one to catch feels when they’re kids! Felix does too but he’s kinda just like wtf is this??? until someone teases him about it. Sylvain is quite ✨special✨ with romance but I think he’d be inclined to trust you a lot more because you’ve known him since you were teeny tiny before you even knew wtf a crest was! So he probably also catches feels when you’re kids but then he goes through his whole girl phase SIGH

- None of them realize their predicament until they all see you again at the officer’s academy together. I wouldn’t say they’re super obvious about it, but they’re teenagers (well Syl isn’t but shhhhh) who all like the same person so they’re going to pick up on each other’s crushes while reader remains ignorant. It’s not an issue that needs to be addressed immediately, but they’re all watching each other cautiously.

- Syl would have a massive head start on flirting with you, but he’s faced with the big issue that you don’t believe he’s being genuine and brush him off. Felix is constantly challenging you to duels to get close to you and also have alone time with you, although the other 2 will occasionally ruin his plans and insist on joining. Ah man bby Dimitri would probably come across as a little overbearing because he’s very protective of you and is constantly offering to do things for you. He’s just a mother hen that’s whipped for you and doesn’t know any other way to express it!

- When it comes to the 4 of you sitting together at lunch or in class, Sylvain is the worst. He’s very aware that his competition is far less bold than him, and so he’s making sure he’s always closest to you. Will squish as close to you as humanly possible HE WOULD DEADASS PUT YOU IN HIS LAP IF HE COULD 😭 If he puts a hand on your thigh or an arm around you it’s a wholeass declaration of war.

- Felix will likely become much more protective which may cause a lot of yelling at you for being careless or weak, but really he’s just so worried! To ease his mind, he’ll help you correct your mistakes himself (which has the added bonus of getting really close to you and occasionally lowkey holding hands when he adjusts your grip). Around other people, especially Dimitri and Sylvain he’ll be evidently sweeter to you to get the message across. A blended mix of jealousy and concern will make him very protective of you around the other two. Dimitri is not getting within 5 feet of you while guard dog Felix is around.

- In the Blue Lions the tension in the air is so thick you could cut it with a knife everyone is thoroughly confused but frankly just sick of it lol. Felix glaring at Dimitri? That’s totally normal but Dimitri is doing it back AND Sylvain is added to the weird stare off- wtf happened?? Byleth would have to talk to them after class and be like guys what in the goddess’s name happened 😭 They’ll all give a vague answer that doesn’t give away that it’s about you and each one of them has a jab at the others to shift the blame..please find your chill lads !

- At this point everything gets a little bit needier because they’ve all had this pent up yearning but have been blocked by the others. (If you’re ok with it) Sylvain will just randomly peck you on the cheek or your forehead when he sees you and you’re just like LOL ok ✨typical Sylvain✨ But when you sit next to him at lunch or in class he’s started very tenderly holding your hand under the table and you’re like huh ok that’s a little odd. If Dimitri is on the other side of you he will carefully take your other hand in retaliation. Felix will probably give in and do the same but he’ll snatch your hand a lot more aggressively and look away from you with a scowl and a blush.

- Dimi and Felix are both touch starved AF and would very much appreciate cuddles or any physical contact. If you’ve reacted positively to everything thus far, Dimitri will slowly start to bite the bullet and initiate affection because he wants it so bad. Any time you touch Dimitri, he gets sappy and lovey af and will express his adoration in hopes that you’ll keep giving him affection. Felix would never upfront ask for affection but he just kinda sits really close to you and glares at you with a little pout and you will have to realize that this is Felix language for ‘it is a crime that you aren’t cuddling me rn’.

- Obviously Sylvain gets lots of physical contact with women but I don’t ever see it as holding affection yknow?? Like yeah he spends a night or two with chicks after them crest babies™️ (i cannot take myself seriously this sentence is so funny-), but I don’t really think that they’ve done actual cuddling or casual displays of affection like petting someone’s hair because they likely don’t care too much for Sylvain and will just do the bare minimum. So in a way, Sylvain is also starved of affectionate touches and he would very much appreciate the little things that no one else has done for him. It’s new and scary for him to actually seek romantic attention, but he’s still pretty bold, just not very tactful when it comes to you lol. If you’re sitting by yourself on a bench he will not hesitate to sprawl himself out on top of you with his head in your lap and stare up at you with an innocent grin. Is also lowkey not embarrassed to whine or pester you?? His reputation is pretty hopeless at this point so what does he have to lose by sitting behind you in class and poking you while dramatically whining about you not paying attention to him?

- Attention is a huge deal to Sylvain. It’s one of the main things he’s looking for when he randomly flirts with people at the monastery. He can’t handle being ignored and that leads him to often seek many girls at once so that he always has attention when one is busy. But when it comes to you he finds himself in deep shit because once he’s gotten a little bit from you, everyone else seems minuscule and with others he only receives a mere fraction of the satisfaction he gets from being with you. So he’s gradually allotting more and more time to you until he hardly talks to any other girl. But Sylvain is used to being the one that everyone wants more of, so when he finds himself in the shoes of the smitten women that piss him off, he’s plagued by the worry that you’ll think he’s overly needy. So he comes to seek validation from you too. If he can just get you to comb your fingers through his hair or give him a kiss on the cheek then he can renew his confidence in trying to court you.

- Dimi is somewhat similar but for different reasons and in different ways. Dimitri has practically no experience with romance so he’s extremely smitten and has an overwhelming desire for the affection you give him that he’s never had. But he’s painfully aware of how extreme his feelings are in comparison to any other couples he may have seen at the monastery, and he’s terrified that he’ll scare you away if he expresses exactly how much he yearns for you. So Dimitri is always very visibly holding back much like he often holds back his strength. Dimi will do anything for you or with you, but you have to initiate it so he can be certain that he’s not smothering you. On days where he’s extremely lovey and never wants to let go of you (which is kind of often lol) he will constantly ask if you’re sure that he’s not bothering you. He is just so horrified at the thought of messing up whatever it is you have.

- Felix will be very easily overwhelmed by you, so it’s much better if you wait to cuddle up to him until you can both go to one of your rooms. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be touched, he does, but his feelings for you make him way too vulnerable for his liking, so he’s not going to want anyone else around. Felix is still Felix and he goes off to take out his feelings in the training grounds every free day, but has started occasionally coming to your room when he’s done for the day and receiving his required cuddle time away from prying eyes. He may have accidentally fallen asleep with you a couple times..

- You’ve probably snuck in to sleep in Dimi’s room on occasions when he’s dangerously sleep deprived. The man, the myth, the legend Dedue would definitely help sneak you in because he knows it does Dimi a lot of good. Dimitri is able to fall asleep with you practically on top of him in his grasp. Feeling your heartbeat close by and your hair beneath his head and hearing you breath peacefully is enough to ground him from his fear of losing you too. He’ll still have nightmares, trauma is a bitch, but when you’re there you can bring him back down and he’ll eventually be able to fall back to sleep (which he typically can’t do alone). It’s not a perfect night’s sleep, but it’s enough to keep Dimi functional and that’s what you’re there for. He’ll thank you a million times and unnecessarily apologize for the inconvenience, please do what you can to reassure him that he’s not a nuisance to you. 

- SIGH Sylvain, this god damn silly little goose, is extremely distressed by his feelings for you and even moreso by his developed neediness. It honestly kinda scares the shit out of him to realize he’s whipped for someone and at a loss for a way to ask you out. He’s used to having that power, to have someone’s feelings in the palm of his hand where he can do anything he wants. Genuinely trying to figure out how he would court someone is a frightening new thing for him and he’s suddenly on a playing field where he doesn’t have his experience or his power to shield himself with. So he reverts to his old ways to try to get a handle on his fear and have his confidence boosted back up. But of course, Syl still wants all the attention he can get from you so you so he spends all of the day with you, then does his other girl bullshit at night! It doesn’t go as smoothly as planned though..Sylvain is used to being yelled at by crying girls, but it hasn’t gone unnoticed that he ignores them all day and drops by whenever he feels like it, and he ends up getting in some pretty nasty arguments that do not help his already vulnerable state. So it’s like 2 AM and Sylvain’s feeling like a sorry sack of potatoes and just wants to be held by someone and talk until falling asleep in their arms. And there’s only one person who Sylvain wouldn’t mind being open with and who could provide him genuine comfort..and you’re the lucky winner of the ‘Sylvain on your doorstep at 2 AM’ lottery!! Unless your sleep schedule is wack you’re gonna be all groggy like hey uhh wtf Syl??? And that is how the occasional nights that Sylvain falls asleep in your room happen!

- If the 3 of these scenarios interfere with each other ummmmmmmmm no they didn’t 😳

Ok! That’s where I’m leaving off because I don’t want to try to write endings with you picking one of them it just makes me kinda sad LMAO. Bro omg it’s the return of the ridiculously long Allister fics she do be goin a little insane though 😳 But for real I’ve been gradually adding to this for like?? a week? And I just kept picking cute relationship milestones or whatever in my walnut brain and writing a point for each of them so that the 3 of them are equally written. So it might not line up perfectly but I hope you like it!!

[meltwonu]

grounded.

Pairing; Idol!Wonwoo x Non-Idol Reader

Genre; PWP...thas it rly. There’s mild plot but boy,,,, it rly be mild.

Word Count; 2257

Summary; Wonwoo can’t seem to focus lately while on tour and the members and staff seem to notice. Being forced to stay in their hotel room might seem to be an issue…fortunately it’s not.

Warnings; sub!wonwoo(o yeh bebby), spanking, reader is older than wonwoo(noona), riding, he mebbe ask u to spit in his mouth sorry, overstimulation babyyyy,  unprotected sex(dont be silly, cover yer willy), a lil soft aftercare,,,, god what have I done

Notes; again, completely unedited, it prolly sucks but y’kno. AHAAAA I rly love indulging in sub!svt as much as I love dom!svt, i just want a man to beg once in a while u kno????u feel me????and i wanna be taking care of a b!tch sometimes u kno????

The door slams behind him harder than he anticipates and he grimaces when he feels it reverberate behind his back.

“Wonwoo, is that you?”

A sigh escapes past his lips, he knows he’s in for an earful as he sets his bag down on the floor next to the door and quietly toes his shoes off. Shrugging off his tour jacket, he throws it over the sofa and makes his way towards the single bedroom.

“Noona, I’m back…”, he starts. You can hear the defeated tone in his voice as you emerge from the bathroom only wearing a bathrobe and lingerie, arms crossed over your chest as you watch him make his way to the bed to sit down. “What did the managers say, Wonwoo? How much trouble are you in?” you inquire. You weren’t there to witness what exactly had gone down backstage; only hearing from a few of the stylists that the members and managers had pulled Wonwoo aside to ask what was going on for him to be so unfocused lately and how he might’ve gotten a little heated when he raised his voice at them. All the traveling and late nights had finally broken him down a bit, making him extremely tired and maybe a little homesick.

“Manager-hyungs told me I’m ‘grounded’ and that I can’t leave the hotel room until we leave to go home to Korea… They said I need to get some rest and maybe recenter myself since we still have a few more weeks of touring...'' he sighs, fingers coming up to make air quotes around the word ‘grounded’ as a pout forms on his lips. A chuckle escapes you, the thought of a grown adult being grounded just a tiny bit funny. Wonwoo falls back onto the bed, eyes closing for a brief moment.

“Noona, you’re not going to punish me too, are you? I feel like I’m gonna be so bored trapped in here…” he asks quietly.

You chew on the inside of your cheek for a second before pushing off the bathroom’s door frame. You cross the space between the bathroom and the bed within 4 quick strides and sit beside his spread out frame on the bed. “Well… If I’m being honest, ‘woo, maybe it’s good that you get some rest, y’know? You’ve all been filming in between all the concert stops… you’re exhausted. I know you want to play tonight but we’ll do it a little differently tonight, ok?” Your fingers thread through his hair gently, caressing his scalp as he leans into your touch. He nods, cheeks flushing a pretty pink.

“Baby boy, remind me what your safe word is before we start?”

“Clementine, noona, it’s clementine.”

“That’s my good baby boy. Now I want you to strip for me, and I want you ass up on the bed.” You tell him, kissing him on the lips for the first time that night. Confusion crossing his features before he slips off the bed to rid himself of his clothes. You pull off your bathrobe leaving yourself in your matching bra and panties as you watch Wonwoo strip, his toned and lean body making your mouth water. His half hard cock coming into view as he pulls down his jeans and underwear. “Oh? Is my baby boy already getting hard? Why is that, Wonwoo?” You tease, tongue coming out to lick your lips at the sight. “A-ah...I…,” he starts, adam’s apple bobbing as he gulps. He can’t finish his sentence, too excited about what’s to come. Wonwoo hesitates for a beat before he gets back on the bed, settling on his hands and knees as he stares hard into the bed sheets; his glasses sliding down the bridge of his nose. You’ve never asked him to be in this position before and he’s anxious of what will come but the thrill has his body going into overdrive, the dirty thoughts alone making his cock throb. His body jolts and the sudden touch of your hand on his ass, his breath stuttering.

“Now, baby boy, you’re going to count each spank I give you and if you behave, I’ll reward you. Am I clear? We’ll go up to 10,” You say, fingers massaging the skin as you wait for his response. He gulps again, “Y-yes, noona, I’ll b-be good…,” his fingers gripping the sheets a little harder. Your palm comes down on his ass, a sharp smack resonating in the quiet room as Wonwoo sucks in a breath.

“O-one, noona…,” Wonwoo starts.

You break into a smile as the skin on his ass starts to turn a bright cherry red. You continue to spank him, small moans and whimpers leaving his mouth as his cock becomes fully hard and drips pre-cum onto the bed sheets underneath him. His eyes blown wide, drool escaping past his lips as he gets lost in how good it feels. Slowly, he starts to sink into the bed, arms giving out as he leans his head onto the sheets. “Wonwoo, are you still with me? What number are we on, baby boy?” You still, hands massaging the skin noticing the way his frame is shaking slightly. “W-we’re...ah, on, s-seven… noon-ah...I-ngh…,” his mind is clouded, wanting nothing more than to just cum. Wonwoo’s body is sensitive, more than expected and especially after a long day of performing. He wants to rut against the bed, any sort of friction to give him the orgasm he was chasing. You almost feel bad for him, but he seems to enjoy the way your fingers massage the sensitive skin.

“Just a few more and then I’ll reward you, okay? You’re doing so well for me, baby.” You offer. He hums in acknowledgement as you bring your hand down for the last 3, Wonwoo’s back arching as he tries to hold off cumming untouched. He whimpers as you guide him onto his back, his ass sensitive from the spanking. “Noona, please, wanna c-cum…”, he whimpers out, fingers curling into the sheets underneath him. You chuckle, silently removing your bra and panties as you straddle his thighs. “Okay baby, I think you’ve been good and you’ve waited long enough, hmm??” He nods slowly, pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose as he looks intently at you. “D-does noona want m-me to prep her?” This time you nod, guiding one of his hands to your core as a gasp leaves your lips at him touching you for the first time all night.

Wonwoo eases in a finger into you, noticing how wet you already are and smiles. “Oh? Noona is already this wet just from spanking me?” he chuckles. He pumps the digit, slowly adding another one as he preps you. “Bold of you to get cocky with me, ‘woo. Weren’t you the one just getting hard from getting spanked?” You retort, a slight pout forming on his lips. You’ve got him there, he thinks, thrusting his fingers a little harder as a reply.  Wonwoo makes a good sub on most days, although once in a while he likes to get a little bratty with you when he’s feeling playful...or really just wants you to be rougher with him, either way… you don’t mind.

You tug on his arm, his fingers slipping from inside of you as you position yourself over his cock, letting it slide through your folds as his fingers go to grip your hips. Wonwoo groans, hips bucking up into you, letting himself feel how wet and warm you were. You let this go on for a minute, admiring his already fucked out expression.

“Hmm… you’re so worked up, baby. Think you can last me fucking you?” You ask.

He stops his movements and looks up at you, biting his lip. “Noona...I-I really…really want y-you to ride me, p-please…please.” he begs. You lean down to kiss him on the lips, your fingers teasing his nipples as he groans. You use that moment to slide your tongue into his mouth, his eyes sliding shut at the sensation.

Once you pull back, you pull his glasses off as well, tossing them to the side as he tries to focus his eyes on you. “Noona, but I can’t--” “You don’t need to see me to feel me, baby.” You cut him off. She’s right, he thinks. You position his cock at your entrance and slowly lower yourself onto him, clenching around him immediately at how good he feels inside of you. Wonwoo is already at his limit, mentally willing himself to not cum after being inside of you for literally 5 seconds. But once he’s fully seated inside of you, he finds it hard to control himself. You were so warm and wet, and tight. Wonwoo’s fingers grip your hips a little tighter as he plants his feet straight onto the bed and begins thrusting up into you, making you bounce on his lap.

“Noona, I c-can’t… I don’t th-think I can hold o-on I’m, I ne--eed, I’m, I want to c-cum,” he cries. There’s tears welling up at the corner of his eyes already, his thrusts getting sloppy as he chases his high. You let him, he’s been good anyway and you love seeing Wonwoo so fucked out like this. Wonwoo is so pretty when he begs. He whimpers out your name, body tensing up as he cums inside of you. You clench around him, letting him ride out his orgasm before he slumps against the bed, his fingers losing the grip on your hips. He sighs contentedly, fingers wiping the tears out of his eyes.

“Is my baby boy satisfied?”

Wonwoo nods, making eye contact with you. “W-wait but noona didn’t cum yet…” he says softly. You grin, clenching around him again. He moans, a shiver running up his spine as you grind down onto his lap. “Ah, wait, noona, give me a second I don’t think I c-can--ahh,” he exclaims. You continue to grind down onto him, his fingers digging into your thighs this time as he fights through the pain of being overstimulated. There’s tears threatening to spill from his eyes as he finds himself trying to thrust up into you once again. “N-Noona, I’m so sen-s--sensitive, please, I, I,” Wonwoo whimpers. You slow down, leaning down to run your fingers through his hair.

“Do you want me to stop, baby? Do you remember your safe word, ‘woo?”

Wonwoo catches his breath for a second, his bleary eyes peeking up at you through his wet lashes. “I d-don’t want you to stop, n-noona. I wanna feel good again…” he whispers. You pick up the pace, hips swiveling atop his own, this time chasing your own high. Your fingers dip down, playing with your clit as you stare down at Wonwoo’s face. His eyes are on you, his mouth agape as he watches you ride him.

“Noona, do you t-think you can…,mm, ah, s-spit in my m-mouth, I wanna...wanna t-try it…” he asks.

Wonwoo is shy, a blush running down his body as he diverts his eyes from you. He’s never asked for something like that before, but he was curious and willing. You gush around him, fuck that’s so hot, you think. Nodding, you reply, “Open your mouth, baby.” He complies, shying opening his mouth as you lean over his face, letting your spit drop directly down into his awaiting mouth. Wonwoo closes his mouth, swallowing. “Th-thank you, noona.”

You want to scream, fuck he’s so cute, you mentally exclaim. You rub your clit faster, bouncing on Wonwoo’s cock quicker as you feel your orgasm coming. It’s nothing but moans and whimpers as Wonwoo also chases his second orgasm, a shiver running up his spine as he feels you cum on his cock. You whimper out his name like a mantra as you ride out your high, feeling Wonwoo cumming inside you again.

This time when Wonwoo loses his grip on you, he’s completely spent. He feels boneless against the sheets and feels lightheaded at everything he’s felt tonight, his arms falling back onto the sheets with a dull thud. You smile and kiss his forehead, getting up from his lap as you feel his cum sliding down your thighs. You praise him, telling how well he did and how he was so so so good for you. “Wonwoo, baby, you still with me?” There’s a fraction of movement of his head, barely acknowledging that you’re speaking to him. This time you play with his hair as he leans into your touch, his eyes drooping slightly from tiredness. “‘Woo, honey, talk to me okay? Can you tell me who’s the leader of Seventeen?” This time he huffs, chuckling, “You’re really gonna make me say Seungcheol-hyung’s name after you thoroughly fucked and overstimulated me?”

The two of you share a laugh as you get up from the bed, walking to the bathroom to get a warm towel and a glass of water on your way back to the bed. You get Wonwoo to drink the glass of water as you bring the towel down to wipe down his thighs, a choked noise coming from him as you pull your hand back. Wonwoo puts the, now, empty glass of water and finds his glasses that were haphazardly thrown onto the sheets and slides them onto his blushing face.

“A-actually, noona, do you think you can run me a bubble bath? Wanna soak in it with you...” Wonwoo asks quietly.

Fuck, he’s really REALLY cute, you think.

“Of course baby, did you want the pink bubble bath or the blue one?”

[otagen]

ok this is totally random but i came across your piper changeling art from november and saw the comment about it being an au and i would be so happy to learn more about that? if you want to share

first of all THANK YOU! i love drawing trickster and im so glad you like him. 

second of all: I’D LOVE TO TALK ABOUT MY AU. warning: this is such a long and silly explanation. it’s really long-winded and. needs a lot of explanations but luckily i’m happy to go off about it. there really is no name for the AU, but i have been calling that “changeling” hartley... “Fartley”. short for Fake Hartley. altho his actual name is Hartley Star (which i’ll get to). the lyrics are just in reference to a fan song i really like that i thought fit

the rest is going under a read more because it got extremely long: (there will be a TLDR version

so, this au takes place in a dc roleplay server with my friends (we post funny logs here @dcordchat ) and we have different AUs that we just name different earth. one particular earth we have is Earth-223, which is actually an expansion on a canon storyline! the “future flash” storyline (flash 2011 starting at issue #30) that really isn’t well written but a bit part of our server is that we take a lot of ideas and characters that dont get a lot of love (or some who do) and give them a lot more personality and thought. you don’t have to read that arc to know about hartley because the basics are: It’s 20 years in the future, and barry is going through it. he starts time traveling to fix all the mistakes he couldn’t. he’s lost hope. most of the rogues are dead. 

a loooot of things have gone to shit, and a lot of people were lost. including hartley rathaway. i don’t remember if hartley dying was canon to this arc (because i didn’t finish it because it really is... hard to get through.) but that’s fine because this is where things start to deviate. hartley is mysteriously killed. his husband, david singh, has not been coping and has secretly taken up vigilante-ism on the side, going by the name Orpheus. (music motif... homage of a myth/fairy tale like the pied piper- of the guy who loses his wife.)

barry obviously isn’t coping well at all either. the rogues are almost like his family, if not completely, at least hartley and he were really close friends. so...

IN COMES... MONDAE STAR!

if you’re new, mondae (aka Nightmare is my oc!) mondae use to be a canon character that i’ve twisted so far into aus of aus that she’s now my oc and is probably indistinguishable from her canon counterpart (they... don’t even look alike at all, unless you have been following me for a long time.)

anyway. mondae is sort of... barry’s roommate in that shitty future world that barry lives in. along with parallax, bart and thaddeus, Lee Allen, Marco Mardon, Josh Jackham, and an array of different animals including raccoons and a polar bear. Mondae is a sort of whimsical dream entity, almost like a diety in fact! but not quite, because she was made fairly recently. what she does is that she eats nightmares and makes dreams... and... can create dreams in the real world. as long as you can imagine it and dream it, mondae can pull that out of the dream realm and make it a reality! she often does this with animals or little gifts or things that are as big as a house.

however, she can also make... people! the first person she made was Lee Allen,, who is the brainchild of the kid that barry never had but always dreamed of having with Leonard Snart before he died(shameless shipping but... we can do whatever we want). this kid never existed before, they are entirely made out of all the wishes and dreams that barry had, and were given fake memories. Lee was made because barry is Mondae’s best friend and she wanted to do something for him! even though she didn’t think it through. despite the problems they had and the troubles adjusting, barry did eventually welcome lee as a father... and grew happier and regained much of the hope he lost before.

now. Mondae takes a look at Orpheus, who is still struggling to cope with the death of his husband. so Mondae figures... “why don’t i do what I did for Barry? I could just MAKE a new hartley.”

i’m sure you see what happens from here. 

mondae takes all the dreams and memories that everyone’s ever had of Hartley Rathaway and makes a new Hartley! the problem is, the real Hartley is dead and she doesn’t have access to all of his memories. but hartley remembers all these things and vague memories... he doesn’t remember the experience, his point of view is like. having the Supercut version of his life in his head. he has all the basics but not the details. the important things but not the things in between. everything that mondae didn’t cover in there, she sort of... winged it!

especially with hartley’s powers. mondae is made out of magic. hartley’s powers, the superhearing and the musical hypnotism... those both have scientific explanations. but mondae doesn’t get the science behind it, so this new hartley has powers that are mondae’s INTERPRETATION of his powers. meaning he can sing and play music that can perform miracles and control people like magic, and he can talk to animals like a Disney princess. this “fake hartley” aka Hartley Star (she sees him as a son!) is a living breathing fairy tale character. just like the real pied piper!

barry allen was horrified. more than him... ORPHEUS was horrified. his dead husband came back from the dead, except it’s not actually his husband. he still hasn’t finished grieving the first time, and the fact that this hartley is like his but it JUST different enough to... be noticeable... it’s too painful to witness.

hartley star is devastated and as you can imagine... has a lot of identity issues. thus: the piece of art i first drew with all his different iterations.

feeling dejected and hopeless, hartley star decides to live on his own. or at least tries to. he ends up running off to prime earth. when prime flash catches wind of this, he and a bunch of other characters try to bring him in. then... joe gardner comes in and saves him! and now they’re roommates... they bond over being clones!

hartley star is now just trying to deal with being a fake and having all these weird feelings about identity. eventually, they will make a name for themself! and their future vigilante name will be “symphony”... possible designs for that i haven’t posted yet:

TLDR: 20 years in a horrible future, hartley and many other rogues are dead... a new hartley is made out of HOPES AND DREAMS by a dream diety, but only has half his memories; which makes it hard for his old friends and husband to accept him. he has a lot of self-esteem and identity issues... but he is trying his best!

sorry this got so long but... i’m very happy to share it. 

[whence-the-woody]

Finale commentary under the cut

So I wanted to kind of liveblog as I was watching but held back so these are my remembered reactions/second watch reactions

Bummed there was no song recap but quickly figured itd play at the end

PUPPY. Best part of the ep, lbr, Dean was so cute with him

Theyre really doing a cheesey life montage huh - still not clear whether monsters are a thing in this new world?

I was watching the mins tick by during this first montage like OKAY we get it, cheesey happy home life, move along. There was only 40 mins left of the whole show like get on with it, it went way too long 

We definately needed to restablished that Sam is neat while Dean is messy. Totally necessary to spend time on that. Also didnt Dean get houseproud when they moved into the bunker?? What happened to that?

OMG get on with it

Then becomes apparent that hunting is still a thing. Which if so what was the point of showing then doing fucking laundry and dishes while “Ordinary life” plays - if its not just an ordinary life?

At this point i thought it might go the route of them being listless without hunting as a job but then murder scene so I guess not

This whole pie sequence is stupid and a waste of time, we all know it

Dean being a cold, heartless bitch about everyone being dead. Aces. Not unexpected but still just great. How dare you be so happy about pie fuck you dude. 

DOES ANYONE REMEMBER EILEEN

Pie is the face is not funny my dudes come the fuck on

I started skipping through during the murder scene. I was bored. Like, I dont care about tension building to the murder of a family we dont fucking know. Ive always skipped these scenes, what is the damn point. Its not scary or interesting. 

GET ON WITH IT

Same old FBI bullshit. Nice to see the journal again I guess. But like, this is STILL what we’re doing? In the very last ep? Same old, different day, just like 15 years ago. Really?

Singer and Kripke. Subtle. 

I skipped through the interrogation too. I dont find the scary brother act cool or entertaining 

15 mins in and nothing has happened

Theyre trying so hard to give Dean jokes and nothing is landing, its so cringe just stop

The way the little clown faces pop up - if that supposed to be scary? Really? Its all just so silly rn

Watching it again I realise just how easy this hunt is. The answer is in the journal. They find the exact family. They find the exact barn. The kids are just stood in a cupboard. This is what takes Dean out, really? Its not even a normal hunt, its a way too fucking easy one. 

I do not remember this chick or what ep she was in, maybe theres some parallell or foreshadowing by bringing her back but if there is I dont get it

Bottom line if youre gonna bring people back WHY THE FUCK THIS RANDOM GIRL

I knew so fast he was gonna go out like that. Hanging from a fucking nail

I kept saying out loud not like this, no way, this is so stupid, its so stupid omg

I paused and tried to talk myself into putting aside how stupid and awkward it was for him to be doing this scene hanging off a pole and just try to invest in the emotion of the speech. Which I achieved at times

but why was is so awkward tho?? Just the way hes stood pressed against it is fucking weird. Also 1000% Sam couldve gotten help and he wouldve been FINE. It took so long for them to talk, an ambulance couldve been there before they were done, there was no need for this

Okay the speech did make me cry once I pep talked myself into being invested. The reference to being scared Sam would reject him, the I love you so much, Sam saying dont leave me, the stay with me and tell me its okay - all those moments got me and I did cry. I appreciated the family business line. I liked Jensen telling Jared he always keeps fighting, that was a nice reference. 

BUT there were also those moments that made me scoff, roll my eyes or laugh. The whole “always you and me” bullshit especially. The second I knew he was going to say I’ll be in your heart I yelled at them to no do it, I hate that cheesey move, then literally was like “oh my god, he did it”. It WAS NOT always going to end like this - so much of the last 15 years was proving him wrong about that. This is all just so wrong, it is not good. 

Jensen and Jared did a good job with what they were given in this scene but my god

The audacity of the Cas erasure- always you and me. FUCK YOU. 

I laughed out loud when his last shot was a One Perfect Tear. I was literally like “Oh wow they did that”

DEAN DESERVED A BETTER DEATH

It also kinda loses all impact when you see him like 2 mins later

MIRACLE IS THE REAL MVP ILY

Theyre really doing another montage. Really. Like we get it, hes sad, we didnt need the toast to understand that

Omg Miracle by his side. The best of bois. 

Looking around his room like beer and guns was all dean was. Sure. Aces. 

I choose to believe Bon Jovi was a ref to before Dean went to hell

If Donna is back why isnt anyone else?!?

Oh Jared you look so old bby. Go home. He looks older there then later in the ridiculous make up

Why is that shot made to look like hes leaving the bunker forever?? Like that makes no sense

Bobby greeting him is nice and all BUT IT SHOULDVE BEEN CAS

Also they are 1000% doing the show don’t tell by having Bobby just sit and explain everything. SO FUCKING LAZY

Cas has been out of the empty, helping rebuild heaven. Okay, fine. Even Dean’s reaction to hearing that was fine. BUT YOU ASK WHERE YOUR FUCKING BEST FRIEND IS AND GO SEE HIM. WHO IS THIS VERSION OF DEAN WTF

I know people are upset Cas is back working in heaven but I dont think its anything like before. It sounds like he helped fixed things then got his own heaven. Also he’s God’s Dad, hes not serving God, hes teaching him. I know human Cas done right is what we wanted but I dont hate this for him. BUT WE SHOULD HAVE FUCKING SEEN IT. 

Why is a memory of being a kid with his Dad what Dean is reminiscing on. They have literally reverted him back to s1. There are so many memories dean should be thinking about in fucking heaven

Hes going for a drive

Hes going for a motherfucking drive

In the car he was just in

WHY THE FUCK IS HE ACTING LIKE HE HASNT SEEN BABY IN YEARS WHAT IS THIS SHIT

Hes going to drive around doing nothing until Sam gets there are you fucking kidding me. Not going to see any of his family from the last 15 years, just driving. Absolute horseshit. 

This is the moment where you realise that this episode has changed NOTHING. This is the same ending as the last ep except theyre in heaven not on earth

ITS THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING

Okay so they skip over how Sam went from going on a hunt to walking with a toddler. OMG how unsubtle that they have literally just labelled the child Dean in big yellow letters. I couldnt help but laugh, how fucking stupid. 

I did get a bit teary when the music started I’ll be honest. But mostly through the whole montage (ANOTHER ONE) I was saying to myself This is so fucking stupid. omg this is dumb, what the fuck is this, so stupid.

They literally did a montage so long they had to play the song twice. Im just done at this point wow. 

The old man make up is so bad I just laughed. The only pictures being of the 4 of them, reinforcing the Winchester only bullshit, great. Not even pics of this new random family Sam’s got. The painfully cliche Dad moments for Sam, again so bad its funny. Omg the hand on the head of this random kid, this is so ridiculous. Old man sam in his bad wig trying so hard to move like hes old and crying in the impala. Wtf is happening, this is SO STUPID 

I thought theyd cast a more attractive son I’ll be honest. So he has the tattoo - are they a hunting family? Because that would go against both s1 Sam they’ve tried to go back to and the s15 Sam they build up to for all those years

I know they were going for an emotional parallel with that “you can go now” but this random man saying it to Sam in that make up, with the music cue lined up right there - its just funny coz its so dumb im sorry

I cant believe they actually played another different version, I’ll never get over that

Theres alot of things I’ll never get over

Is this bridge supposed to mean something? They shouldve picked a setting that meant something

I know theyre trying so hard to make Dean look happy and peaceful to convince us its a good ending but sis no

I laughed out loud when Dean turned around - WHAT IS THAT OUTFIT SAM?

Really, they have nothing to say? No questions, no convo? They just have cheesey smiles and look over the water? This is so wrapped up in a fucking bow trying to force us to feel good my god

The cut almost immediately to them talking to the camera, still in character getup, was so cringe I yelled and turned it off

And they pan out to literally none of the people we want to see . Great, Good. 

LITERALLY WHAT WAS THE POINT 

[littlemissmarvelous]

Save Me

(This is part 2 to grand piano)

The beginning of Bucky and I was quick, passionate, and wild. People thought I was crazy for falling in love with the former winter soldier, and even more insane to be willing to marry him. Sam in particular always joked about how Bucky shouldn’t take that he has a dime like me for granted. I remember when he would laugh and his cheeks would get warm and red before he would kiss me softly. “I don’t think i could ever be stupid enough to lose the love of my life.”

Oh I wish his past self could see him now.

I thought i knew what heartbreak was. I thought it hurt, but that everyone exaggerated about it. That it would mend quickly…I couldn’t have been more wrong. You could see it from a distance; I was broken. It could be seen in the way I moved, the way I tried to get an impression from the overwhelming world around me. It could be noticed in the way I talked a bit softer every time somebody told me to speak up. I was broken, scattered in thousands of pieces, and nobody was there to pick me up again.

It’s been three days since and I haven’t left the solace of my bed. I know I need a shower, and a decent meal but my body is aching and my eyes haven’t really taken a break from crying. A loud knock sounds, making me groan at the fact that I indeed have to get out of bed. Trudging to the door, I peek through the peep hole to spot a very anxious looking redhead on my doorstep.

“Hey Nat.” I say after opening the door.

“Hey? Just hey after having not heard from you in days? Me and Steve have been really worried y/n, but we wanted to give you space.” I nod and quickly apologize. I didn’t intentiontially shut them out...it just works better for me to be on my own at the beginning. Her green eyes scanned my appearance and the state of my home before going to my face.

“Are you doing okay, y/n?”

The dam breaks.

I sob and whisper, “I can’t stop hurting, Nat. This hurts so much. I miss him but I don’t want to be near him. I love him but I also fucking hate him and I don’t know if I want him to hold me or stay the hell away from me because half the time my skin crawls now at the thought of his touch...knowing he placed those hands on someone else. He was giving his heart to someone else while I was stupid enough to believe I was the only one.” At the end of my spiel I was gasping for breath. Word vomit has a funny way of knocking the wind out of you sometimes. She frowns, eyes still trained on me. “I’m going to make you some tea okay? Go shower and maybe we can go somewhere, yeah?” I wipe my tears before replying, “yeah okay.” Turns out that shower was a godsend and much needed.

Nat ended up taking me to brunch that was filled with delicious mimosas. “You know what?” I ask.

“What?” She smiles.

“I want to go out tonight. Out out.”

Nat thinks for a moment before shrugging. “Yeah let’s do it. Get you back in the game, I’m sure Wanda and Sharon would be down to go too.” I grin before yelling, “Girls night!!!” And just like that the wound hurt a little bit less.

Later that night the four of us stood in Nat’s bedroom dressed to impress. She had placed me in a small red dress that had a high slit on the left and a deep v to emphasize my cleavage. With makeup done and heels on, we traveled to the kitchen for some pregame drinks while we ordered the Uber.

“You look absolutely smashing, y/n.” Sharon gushed to me, making me blush. Nat and Wanda quickly agreed with fast nods.

“She’s right y/n, you look like a frigging snack every man there will want to eat.” Wanda teased but winced after earning an elbow from Nat and Sharon.

My grip tightened around my glass, knuckles turning white. Other men. That was scary for me, the concept of other men. Bucky and I had just separated...I was nowhere near ready. A hand on my shoulder brought me out of my head and my eyes met Nat’s green ones.

“Hey, you don’t need to do anything you don’t want to. Just have fun okay. That’s what tonight’s about.” I smile gratefully at her and our moment was interrupted by the ding of Wanda’s phone.

“Uber’s here!”

5 shots.

3 mixed drinks.

And 3 Jell-O shots.

That’s how many I had when my legs decided to stop working and my vision was beginning to get fuzzy as I neared a blackout. Dragging myself to our table I fumbled for my phone and dialed the only number I could call.

“Hello?”

“STTTTTEEEVVVEEE!”

“Y/n? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” He asked with a concerned tone.

“Mmmphh. I am VERYyyy drunks Mr. Steve ! Wanna shleep.” A giggle erupts from me and suddenly it was hard to stop.

“I’m coming right now. Stay there. Tell Nat I’m coming. “

“Ayyye ayeee my cap!!” I laugh and hang up and look up to find Nat in my drunk daze. Luckily she was already coming my way and I yelled “Natty!!!! Stevie is comin to take me to bed! Okay!”

“Get it girl!” She laughed and with that I made my way to the entrance, holding the walls for support to keep myself up. Once just outside I found a spot against the wall and slipped my heels off my aching feet without falling over. Hugging myself, I pray that Steve hurries up because it was absolutely freezing.

“I can warm you up hottie.” My eyes quickly went up to see an ugly older man grinning at me with chipped teeth and a malicious look in his eyes.

“No thanks.” I quip and look away to the streets looking for Steve’s car.

“Looks like you’re ride ain’t gonna be here for a while hot stuff. I’m real good with my hands. Lemme just warm you up.” He smirked and pounced. His hands grabbed my wrists and pushed me against the wall hard causing me to yelp.

“Get OFF!” I scream. He just laughs in return and his hands go to my dress to lift it up. Tears flow freely from my eyes as I realize what’s really happening and my movements are too slow and my hits too weak because I’m drunk. I’m sobbing at this point and begging him to stop.

It was my second beg and just before he got to my panties that a fist flew to his face and he dropped to the floor in pain. “She SAID to stop!” He seethed.

Steve came just in time. As I stared at him, tears in my eyes, I realized he always was there in time. His eyes went to me and his hand cupped my face as he looked me over.

“Are you okay, y/n?” I nod and all I can let out is another sob. He pulls me in for a hug and holds me tight. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here quicker. Let’s get you home.”

The drive home was silent but he held my hand in comfort, and I didn’t pull away. When the car finally stopped at the tower Steve quickly turned off the car and ran around to open my door and help me out of the car, wobbly legs and all. Holding me heels in my left hand we slowly walk towards the entrance but before I could get there my legs finally betrayed me and I fell hard to the ground.

I groan. “Aw damn that hurt.” Trying to get back up seemed almost impossible, the alcohol had managed to turn me into a human sized noodle. “Stevieeeee can you help a girl out?” He laughed and I let out a shriek as he picked me up bridal style and walked with ease into the tower. My arms wrapped around his neck and my head found its way to the crook of his neck. “You’re such a sweetie Stevie why don’t you have a girl?” His shoulders shrugged and he hummed in thought.

“I dont think the one I want is ready yet. Or rather if it’s even right for me to act. It’s difficult.” His words made gears work in my drunk mind as the elevator took us up to our floor. Finally reaching my room, he sets me down at the door. “Alright this is it.”

“Steve?” My cheeks are flushed and my eyes are wide as I gaze up at him.

“Yeah y/n?” His eyes lock with mine and my heart begins to race.

“Is...is the girl you’re talking about...me?” My voice shakes in nervousness and my shoulders tense as I await his response. His hand goes to the back of his neck and his cheeks are suddenly pink. Lord he was so cute sometimes.

“Uh...yeah, yeah it is. I’m sorry.” I didn’t think, I didn’t speak, I didn’t even debate it.

My lips were on his before I could even really fathom his words, his hands finding my hips as his mouth moved with mine. After a long moment he slowly pulled away and looked me over.

“Look, y/n, you’re still pretty drunk. I don’t want you doing anything you’ll regret. You might not actually like me once the alcohol leaves your system.” His blue eyes are drowning in disappointment, a pang of hurt hitting my heart. “Look, get some sleep, I’ll see you in the morning and we can talk.” His words suddenly sobered me up enough that i had to do what i did next. He begins to walk away but I grab his hand before he could get farther away and halt his movements. I take a deep breath and whisper, “please don’t go.” His eyesbrows go up in question.

“I...would like you to stay. With me. In my bed.” I mumble. I had never seen Steve’s face so red before that very moment since he walked In on Sam and Wanda’s “workout” session. “I-I meant to just sleep. I would really appreciate your company. Clothing on and everything. I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable.”

He smiles warmly and takes my hand in his, intertwining our fingers. “I don’t mind at all, sweetheart. Lead the way.”

Changed and makeup free, I got under the covers and waited for him to join me. He stared at the covers unsure, causing me to giggle.

“Steve, get under the covers silly. It’s fine.” He chuckles and lifts the covers on his side so he could slide in next to me. Both of us lied on our backs after turning out the bedside lights, staring at the sleek ceiling above us. “Hey Steve?” I whisper.

“Yeah?” He whispers back.

“Can you hold me?” I ask timidly, not wanting him to think of it weird.

“Yeah,” He opens his arm for me to cuddle to his side, “Come here.” I sigh gratefully and cuddle up to his side as his arms wrap around him. My eyelids and body are growing heavy as the tiredness part of alcohol consumption started to hit me.

“Just to let you know Steve, everything that was said and done tonight...I wont forget or regret it. I like you too. I always have, Bucky just got here first.”

But thank you for saving me, I wanted to say.

Not even a few seconds later I was out like a light. Tomorrow morning was going to be interesting.