#trying to remember what's come out this year like....I can only remember 2023 releases

[otomegamesandme]

It has just occurred to me I haven't played a single non indie otome release this year so uh what big otomes came out in 2024 that were good guys?

[crepesuzette2023]

Thank you for the tag, @pauls1967moustache! My heart is in my fiction, and I'm happy to talk about a bit. <3

How many works do you have on ao3?

15! All within the Beatles fandom (various pairings, but with a focus on J/P).

What’s your total word count?

95,825.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

In John's Lap (early days mclennon), play me one of yours (early days, Jim POV on J/P), Brian Manages (Sole Direction) (1968; Brian lives AU/Fix it, mclennon from Brian POV), Serenade in Paul (PWP mclennon), I was the dream weaver (1968/1969 breakup, angst; John POV)

Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

I do. I deeply appreciate it when people take the time to let me know their thoughts, or simply that they liked my story—and replying feels like completing a handshake.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Probably I was the dream weaver—there is some hope in the end, but it's a small flame in a dark night. But the love is there.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

I think Brian Manages, which is only appropriate, since it's a Secret Santa gift (2023). Yes, the story is about saving Lennon/McCartney, but it's mainly about Brian, and it was important to me to give him a happy ending as well. And, of course, Eyes of the Storm: John goes to a private opening of Paul’s EYES OF THE STORM exhibition to meet with Paul, who, after many years and many ups and downs, is still his lover, and his favorite collaborator. Shameless wish fulfillment fic: John lives, everyone lives…and everyone is there.

Do you write crossovers?

Not yet, but I would love to one day! I can't think of any, though...

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not yet.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do write smut, and I think I tend to write smut with feelings. No specific kinks yet, except...Paul's leg fur and body hair. And his entire spritely gestalt.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware. Brrr.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Again, not that I'm aware.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, twice, with @ohjohnnysblog. Thank you, OJ, for holding my hand during my very first fic, Storage Space, and for coming back for Serenade in Paul!

What's your all-time favourite ship?

I'm probably mainly a John/Paul fan, but I have a soft spot for Paul/Mal, and actually enjoy Paul/ any male Beatles-adjacent character, or Paul in a threesome...

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I am determined—*determined!*—to finish my story about Old Man Paul releasing his mclennon dreams/memories on the world. I'm also determined to write a long Woodland Sprite Paul AU. One day.

What are your writing strengths?

I swear I'm not fishing for compliments, but I honestly can't say. I don't hate my writing, I'm just reluctant to analyze myself that way, you know. But if I had to pick one: I think I have the ability to remember, out of all the Beatles stuff I read and saw and thought about, the right detail at the right time while writing. Not as in listing facts, but as in: this would fit nicely here.

What are your writing weaknesses?

English isn't my first language, which in the context of Beatles fic means I'm not your best choice if you're looking for realistic Liverpool dialogue to leap off the page. I wish I had Paul's talent for mimicry...!

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

People can do what they want, but if there's entire pages in a language I can't read, and no footnotes to help me, the story isn't for me. Individual words and phrases are a different thing, of course.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

This one! Beatles! McLennon! Paul, you were my first, and I was your billionth!

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

Breaking news, I think I might try my hand at Peaky Blinders at some point...

What's your favourite fic you've written?

Similar to you, Mo, I love all of mine equally, but I have special love in my heart for the fic that lifted me out of a spell of the writing horrors this fall: Johnny Gentle and His Group, about the Silver Beetles' 1960 Scottish Tour. And, of course, Hurricaneville: leg combing McLennon in 1961!

Tagging, if you’d like @eveepe, @revollver, @m1ssunderstanding, @unchaineddaisychain , @therealsaintscully and @scurator!

[empressdede]

Remember the time part 2

This is part two of Remember the time. Guys I’m so sorry it took forever to release, It took a while to formulate all of this together but HERE WE ARE! Part two is based off the song The Heart Wants What It Wants by Selena Gomez. Please show me some love lol. I do want to say that the OC is a black character but anyone can read. Let me know what you guys think!

Pairing: Kiyah (OC) x Jimmy Uso

Warnings: cursing, smut and a very long read.

Bold italics are thoughts, italics are dialogue during a smut scene. Red bold italics are the song lyrics

Word count: 12,840

Summary: Jimmy and Kiyah finally talk things over.

Tagging the girlies: @whatdoeseverybodywant @harlem11680 @pinkwithhearts @serena004 @raya-hunter01 @nash2023 @bluesole16 @wildwildsoul @southerngirl41 @gomussy @theninthwonder @reci1996 @theesexystallion @jeyusos-girl

You’ve got me scattered in pieces

The two stared at each other in silence, both of them nervous for two different reasons. Jimmy stared at Kiyah in disbelief, she’s been avoiding him since their last argument, and he didn’t think she would be the one to actively look for him.

Kiyah cleared her throat, “I um…” she started but she really didn’t know how to start the conversation. She knew she was probably pushing her luck, but she was getting tired of running from her blessings. “Are you busy? I can come back later If you are.”

Jimmy just stared at her, letting silence fall between them. It was almost as if he was stuck, mouth opening to speak but closing it again when he realized he didn’t really know what to say. The small smile on Kiyah’s face slowly fell as she watched him. Three months. It’s been three months since she broke up with him and standing in front of him now did nothing to stop her heart from beating like crazy.

Kiyah watched as he struggled to get anything out and she cleared her throat again. She knew that it has to be her to take the initiative. "Bianca told me you guys are starting the show, but after can we talk?" She asked in a soft tone, eyes pleading that he wouldn’t shut her out even though that’s what she did to him. To them.

Jimmy just stared at her, eyes scanning her face as he took in her emotions. The vulnerability in her eyes is what had him nodding his head in an agreement. Of course, he still cared for her; it’s only been a couple of months and how could he throw three years away in three months?

"We go on in half an hour, we can meet up somewhere to talk after in like an hour or two." He suggested. Kiyah nodded her head. Half an hour, that gives her enough time to calm down and prepare herself for the conversation she wanted to have with him.

"Okay." She agreed in a whisper. She should’ve left but she couldn’t move away from him. Damn, I really fucking missed him. She thought to herself as she stared at him. Someone cleared their throat from behind him, which caused her to look in that direction.

"I’d hate to be that guy but we gotta get him changed and go over a couple things." Jey stated in a low tone not wanting to ruin the moment between the two but unfortunately, they were on a time limit.

Kiyah nodded her head once again, taking a deep breath in. "Okay. Um… you can tell Tez to come get me when you’re done. Good luck out there."

Jimmy watched as she walked away from the locker room with mixed emotions. He really wasn’t expecting to see her so soon. Jey placed a hand on his shoulder to reel him back in. "C’mon Uce, let’s focus on the show for now and then you can handle yo business."

I know I’m acting a bit crazy, hung out a little bit hazy

Two months ago…. May 8th 2023

Bianca shook her head as she watched her cousin get ready for their family dinner. "Kiyah, just call him back." Bianca states for the third time.

"B… can’t we just drop it?" Kiyah sighed flopping onto her bed to put her heels on. "You think these heels go with my outfit?" She asked trying to avoid the elephant in the room. Bianca had left it alone when Kiyah told her that she left Jimmy, because she thought they would have gotten right back together. But when she noticed the funk her cousin was in, she didn’t know if she could ignore the pressing issue.

"Kiyah…. At your big ass age, it’s not cute to keep running from your problems."

"I’m not running from shit! I told him we were done, ain’t shit else to talk about Bianca." She snapped, turning her head towards her cousin. "He’ll be fine, better off without me dragging him down with my baggage."

"Kiyah." Bianca whispered feeling her heart break. Her cousin loved to push people away to try to protect herself and it only hurts her in the process.

"That’s what he told me B… how many times can people tell you you’re the problem before you actually believe it?" Kiyah rhetorically asked. She felt her eyes water as she relived the moments in her head. "I know I have the habit to run, but I never ran from him… not like this. But then, it’s like…. Trè said it. Reggie said it. Ace damn near engraved it in my head. And it’s always the same fucking word….baggage. Now here’s Jimmy, someone who’s really changed my outlook on love and I think its gonna be different this time around and boom."

"Kiyah you guys were arguing, this isn’t the first time he’s said something he didn’t mean out of anger. Only this time you hear something you don’t like, and you run. If you love him like you say you do, you would call him back." Bianca stressed, walking to the bed to sit next to her cousin. "You’re miserable, I can see it. You’re not eating, and you’re NOT sleeping. You miss him just like he misses you, so ca-"

"I’m scared.” Kiyah whispered, cutting Bianca off. She felt the tears running down her face and knew she was going to break down soon. “I’m scared he’s going to realize that he can find someone better than me and leave. It always happens, and I want this time to be different so bad Bianca, but I’m scared.”

Bianca lets out a sigh, she knew it would take time for Kiyah to stop running. She also knew that pressing the issue tonight wasn’t going to get nowhere so instead of replying to her cousin, she just pulls her into a comforting embrace. They’ll figure it out some other time.

_______________________________

Jimmy didn’t take their separation well either, he just hid it better because he still had to go out and perform at a hundred percent every Friday night.

It was only his brothers and Roman who knew how hard the breakup was affecting him. He wouldn’t go out to eat with them, instead he would eat alone in the hotel rooms. He’s usually very goofy when he’s in the arena but he lately he’s kept himself in the locker room, doesn’t want to be bothered.

“When they let us go home this Wednesday, why don’t you pull up on her Uce?” Jey suggested.

Jimmy just shrugged his shoulders, “I already did a couple weeks ago, she was there but she didn’t open the door. She doesn’t wanna see me Uce, I don’t wanna bother her anymore.”

“So, you just gone give up?” Jey asked, and the room became silent. Of course, Jimmy didn’t want to give up on her; but what was he supposed to do when she made it clear she didn’t want to be bothered.

“Maybe she’s just doing what she does best. If that’s the case, I say you show up one more time and if she’s still avoiding you, leave it alone.” Solo advised.

Jimmy let out a sigh as he thought it over. He didn’t want to violate her space, but he also doesn’t want her to think he doesn’t care about her anymore or is fine with her leaving his life. It’s only been a month and it still feel like a lifetime. And it wasn’t the first time they’ve went a month without seeing each other, but it was the first time they didn’t communicate with each other during that time period - it’s starting to take a toll on him.

“Alright Uce.” He decided, turning to face his brothers. “On Wednesday, Imma slide to New York and see if she wanna talk.”

The future that we hold is so unclear

Wednesday… May 10th 2023

Jimmy thought a lot about how he should approach Kiyah and what he should say to her. He thought about what would be said if she opened the door, he hoped she would anyways. He didn’t want her to think that he stopped caring, he just wanted to respect her boundaries.

Jey offered to go with him just in case things went south, and at first Jimmy had declined insisting that Jey had his own issues to worry about, but Jey wouldn’t have it. If things went well, then Jey had a hotel room all to himself and didn’t have to worry about, and if things went bad then he would be here for his twin.

Jimmy – albeit his protests – was actually glad his brother came; his nerves were through the roof, and he needed someone to distract him the entire way to New York.

"Imma order room service and charge it to yo card Uce." Jey stated over the phone.

Jimmy smacked his teeth, rolling his eyes before fixating them on the road as he drove. "See… this is why I wanted you to take yo ass to Georgia. You keep playing and shit.”

“Who’s playing? Man, Uce I’m gonna get some Steak, some loaded potatoes, probably some sprite and tell em add they most expensive champagne on the cart just because. I know your pockets can handle it big money.” Jey playfully replied, he let his laughs die down before getting serious with his twin. “Aye listen, no matter what happens tonight you know I always got your back.”

“I know Uce, I appreciate it. You still didn’t need to come all the way out here, but I appreciate you being here.” Jimmy replied. He meant it. It meant a lot that his twin was here, giving him the support that he didn’t really know he needed. “I’m almost to her crib man, I’ll call you if I need to.”

They said their goodbyes before hanging up with each other and now Jimmy was stuck in his head again. He was nervous but he wanted to see her, needed to see her. He was really hoping she felt the same.

I just hope she opens the door. Jimmy thought to himself as he pulled up to the complex where her condo was located. If she lets him in, hopefully they could talk about everything and put it behind them. And even if she didn’t wanna talk, he just wanted to hold her.

Jimmy was stuck in his head once again he didn’t realize how fast he got here. It’s almost as if his body was moving off muscle memory and he found himself standing in front Kiyah’s door.

He could hear his heartbeat thumping quick in chest and took a deep breath to try to calm his nerves before he raised his hand to knock on her door.

Meanwhile…..

“Bianca I’m not even sure this is worth it. I mean what if this blows up in my face?” Kiyah asked for the umpteenth time, her eyes glued to her phone as she sat in her car, the two cousins on FaceTime to kill Kiyah’s nerves.

Bianca rolls her eyes. “Girl go be a woman and get yo man back. We all know how much you love him, and he loves you right back okay? Stop trying to block your blessings and just go. You already know he’s home, where else would he go this Wednesday?”

Kiyah bit her lip as her eyes slit up to look at the house in front of her. Jimmy’s house. She had bought the ticket to Florida in the heat of the moment. She just wanted to see him, even if it just for a second. “I’m scared.” She whispered.

“And it’s okay to be.” Bianca assured, her tone softening as she watched her cousin through the screen. “But this can be a good thing, you’re scared because you love him and sometimes love can be a scary thing; but doesn’t his love give you a good feeling? I’ve seen you in love before Kiyah, there’s a big difference between Ace and Jimmy. Jimmy turned you so fuckin soft it was sick.” She stated teasingly to try to ease the mood.

Kiyah’s lips softly quirked up. “I’m so in love with him, it’s kinda sick.” Kiyah repeated what she told Bianca when she had seen Jimmy at her place the first time.

“Exactly! See, now go knock on his door and go tell that man you love him.” Bianca advised with a smile. “If anything happens, just call me and we’ll figure everything out, okay?”

Kiyah nodded her head. They said their goodbyes and hung up and now Kiyah was left all alone with her thoughts. He wouldn’t close the door in my face, right? She thought to herself.

“C’mon Kiyah, Now or never.” She muttered to herself as encouragement to get out of the car. As she walked up to his door, her heart started to beat out of her chest. She remembers the last time she was here, she had surprised Jimmy by showing up here and making him a meal. Now, she walked up his driveway with cautious steps because she didn’t have the same confidence as last time.

As she stood in front of his door, she took a deep breath in. Please open the door. She thought to herself in a plea as she lifted her hand to knock on the door and wait for a response.

This is a modern fairytale

Six months ago…. January 10th 2023

“You sure you’re okay?” Kiyah asked staring at him through the screen with concerned eyes.

Jimmy let out a small chuckle, nodding his head. “I’m alright baby, it’s nothing I can’t handle honestly.”

“Liar.” She claimed, squinting her eyes at him. “I’ve been watching you; you’re trying so hard to fight that limp in your leg, but I see it.”

“I’m okay baby. I promise.” He tries to assure, flashing her a smile. He appreciates her concerns, but he didn’t want her to worry too much about him; especially about something out of her control. "Where the hell are you going anyways, it’s almost midnight" He questions when he seen her get into her car.

"Gotta run to the drug store and get me some melatonin. I ran out and I couldn’t sleep at all last night." She answers, letting out a tired sigh. "I already know if I don’t take something, I won’t be able to sleep tonight either." She explains.

Jimmy watches her, see’s her red eyes and knows it’s cause she’s tired. "I wish I could have made the trip to New York but I -"

"Baby, you don’t have to explain. I already know. It’s okay." Kiyah reassures with a smile. "Plus, I know you’re probably home sick by now. Go home, relax and unwind."

"What if I sent you a ticket to come see me instead?" Jimmy suggested, raising his eyebrow as if it was something to take into consideration. Kiyah let a laugh slip through her lips.

“C’mon baby, you can’t be serious. You really don’t think you could wait a couple more weeks to see me?”

“I just wanna be with my lady, you know what I’m saying? Give her some act right and then cuddle her so she can fall asleep.”

Kiyah playfully rolled her eyes, “I know this boy ain’t just say give her some act right and then cuddle her to sleep… Babe be serious.” She chuckles.

“I am serious! This your fourth night telling me you can’t sleep. That shit bothers me for real Kiyah. Last time you went a week without sleeping, you passed out on me and didn’t wake up till three days later…at the hospital. And this happened twice, I just wanna make sure you’re okay.” Jimmy expressed, his tone shifting from playful to serious. To see her be so tired and struggle to actually sleep kills him, he’s seen it happen before and he knows how much she doesn’t like relying on medication to help her sleep so for her to be out of melatonin was alarming to him.

Kiyah gave him a soft smile. How could I get so lucky? She asked herself. She thought about where she was a couple years ago, with her last relationship. Ace never took her sleeping issue seriously, and she didn’t expect him to. But she at least thought that if she were to pass out from exhaustion that he would take care of her. But she remembers passing out at home and waking up in the same place… at home. Ace didn’t hear from her for almost an entire week, and he thought nothing about it. Jimmy though? He wanted to be her last good night, even when they were just friends. He always wanted to check up on her and make sure she was okay in almost every aspect, and sometimes she doesn’t know what she did to deserve him.

“I’m okay babe, I promise.” Kiyah assured him this time. “I know tonight, I’m gonna sleep like a baby. Now I know you got a flight to catch, so go ahead and get ready to take off Mr. Private Jet.”

“This private jet can take a detour to New York; you know all you gotta do is say the word.”

“No. You need to be home, Roman needs you. This is the perfect time to go back home and help him with whatever y’all got going on. I know you want to help me, but family comes first."

Jimmy looked at her through the screen, taking in everything. Her braids in a bun on the top of her head, and what he just knew was his hoodie. “You’re my family too Ma.” He stated sincerely.

Even if she wanted to, Kiyah couldn’t fight the wide smile that etched its way on her face. “You’re my family.” She repeats before looking up to catch the time. 12:00 am on the dot. “Go catch your flight and text me when you get home okay? You need to go rest that leg or something because you can’t keep fighting that limp and no, I don’t want to hear it. Have a safe trip and I love you.”

Jimmy nodded his head, even though he had no intentions of doing anything because this wasn’t anything he couldn’t walk off. "I will and I love you too mama. Call me when you wake up."

Kiyah nodded her head in agreement before hanging up the phone and letting her eyes close as she laid her head against the steering wheel. Her nerves were through the roof. She wanted to close her eyes for just a second, but she knew her nerves would not let relax at all.

After just a few seconds of silence she got an incoming call from Jey.

"You there yet?”

“Well damn Jey. Hey, how you been? I’m great thanks for asking.” Kiyah sarcastically replied, laughing at him.

“My bad sis. We getting ready for takeoff in about like 5 minutes so I can’t talk long.”

“Oh, well I’m here. I’ve only been here a good 15 minutes though.”

“Alright so the code to the gate is 7802 and if you look closely, I told my cousin to put my spare key under the mulch closest to the second tree by the house. It might take a while to find, it might not, I don’t know how deep he put it. But as soon as you’re able to get it, you’re in. Make yourself comfortable.”

“Thank you, Jey. For letting me do this. I just want you to know I really appreciate it.” She wanted her appreciation to be known. It meant a lot to her that Jey would go through all this just for her.

“You make my brother happy lil sis, and he makes you happy, if I could do this just to kill two birds with one stone; it ain’t nothing. But I really gotta go, good luck setting up.”

“Thank you.” She thanks before hanging up. She took a deep breath and looked up at the threshold before her. Jimmy’s house. She’s only been here a couple times during her time in Florida and every time she was here, the place was filled with friends and family. This time she was alone, hoping to welcome him home to a nice surprise.

When she brought up the idea of surprising Jimmy in his house instead of him coming to New York like he always does – to Jey, she didn’t think he would be so quick to help her; offering her his copy of the key to his brother’s home so that she could fulfill her wishes.

Pulling forward to the gate, Kiyah placed the code in and watched it open for her. Once she pulled in, her eyes glances over the front of the house. She definitely preferred the quietness over the loud music she was used to when she was here.

It didn’t take her that long to find the hidden key, and once she was able to get inside of his house, Kiyah let out another tired sigh. She wasn’t kidding when she told Jimmy she was tired. She grabbed her bag that she packed that was next to her feet and walked in, locking the door behind her.

Kiyah let her eyes wonder around the house. She knows she’s been here before, but this feels different, almost as if she was walking into their shared space. She wondered if he felt the same way at her place. She went to find his room; she’ll just take a quick nap before he gets here.

_______________________________

January 11th 2023 …… 4:15 AM

To: Princess💍 I made it home, text me when you wake up and I’ll do the same. I hope you’re sleeping.

Jimmy sent that text to Kiyah, shoving his phone in his pants and walking into his house, letting his head fall back with a tired sigh. He was finally home.

Later in the day when I really wake up, Imma go visit Roman and help him out with whatever he needs me to help him out with. Jimmy thought to himself as he walked towards his bedroom. He trudged slowly on tired legs, ready to lay down in his bed and relax.

Kiyah felt her heart start to race as she heard him walk closer to his bedroom. She didn’t know where to stand, quietly pacing in his room before deciding to just stand right next to his bed and wait for him.

When Jimmy walked into his room, he immediately locked eyes with the person standing near his bed. Jimmy froze when he seen her, shocked to see her in his house.

“Surprise.” Kiyah softly called out; a nervous smile displayed on her face. But it morphed into a wider smile when Jimmy threw his head in laughter.

“No you fuckin’ didn’t.” He laughed out before walking towards her to wrap his arms around her. He tightly gripped her and lifted her up to spin her around.

Kiyah immediately wrapped both her arms and legs around Jimmy and let out a soft giggle. “Jimmy put me down!” She exclaimed, tightening her grip out of fear of being dropped.

Jimmy placed her back on her feet and closed the gap in between them, pressing their lips together. Warmth blossomed in Kiyah’s chest as their lips moved in a slow kiss. A small moan slipped through Kiyah’s mouth when Jimmy slid his tongue in her mouth.

She found herself leaning into the kiss, Jimmy’s lips almost impossibly soft against her own. He let both hands lower to grab her ass, trying to pull back from the kiss but when they did separate Kiyah chased his lips, pulling him back down to kiss him again.

Jimmy let’s out a soft chuckle, pulling from the kiss and looked down to admire Kiyah. But it seemed as if Kiyah had the same plan, keeping her head lifted up to stare into Jimmy’s own with starry eyes. As if he hung the stars in the sky himself.

He pecked her lips multiple times, feeling her smile and a wide smile made its-way to his face.

“You went through all that trouble just to surprise me Baby?” He asked her, voice lowered to a rasp.

“It’s not trouble. I wanted to come see you, you always come see me and I know you miss being home. I wanted to do this for you.” Kiyah confessed, keeping her voice soft as she her thumb caress the back of his neck.

“You are amazing, you know that?” He asked, his foreheads leaning against her own.

Kiyah bit her lip, “You’re even more amazing. C’mon lay in bed I know you’re tired right now.”

Jimmy lifted one hand from her ass, to smack it, pressing one last kiss to her lips before pulling away from her, he couldn’t help but let his eyes roam her body. The white color of her outfit made her brown skin stand out.

“Nah, remember what I said? I just wanna give you some act right and cuddle you to sleep.”

Kiyah chuckled, pushing him on the bed and he let himself move freely. She moved to crawl on top of him, legs on each side of his waist straddling him.

“What if I just wanted to take care of you? You’ve been moving around doing both shows, lemme take care of you.” Kiyah cooed softly, leaning forward to press her lips against his.

They both indulged in a slow sloppy kiss, Kiyah wrapping her arms around his neck once again and Jimmy wrapped his arms around her in a bear hug, pulling Kiyah as close to him as possible.

Kiyah ground her hips against him, moaning softly in the kiss when she felt him hardening against her. She could feel the wet spot in her panties grow as she continued to grind herself into him. She clasped her teeth with his bottom lip and pulled on it slowly when she pulled away from the kiss.

“Lay back daddy.” Kiyah whispered seductively in his ear, sliding off his lap.

Jimmy felt himself shudder at her tone, his eyes lowering as she moved to her knees in front of him. Her hands tugged on the waistband of his sweats, and he lifted his hips to help her pull them off along with his boxers.

Once she discarded his pants off, Kiyah gripped his length and began to stroke it with both hands. She gathered all the saliva that she had and spat it over her hands to slick them up as she continued to stoke him, she leaned forward to circle her tongue around his tip twice before engulfing his tip in her mouth.

She suckled on the tip, moaning softly against him. Jimmy’s hand gripped onto the messy bun she had on the top of her head and bucked his hips. “Damn, it’s been forever and you gonna tease me?” He rasped out.

She continued her works, her tongue circling the tip once more before she released both hands. Soon as her hands were free, Jimmy lifted his hips to push his full length inside of her mouth. Kiyah felt the tip of his dick hit the back of her throat, the intrusion almost making her gag but she withheld it sliding her tongue alongside of him.

The move made a low rumble escape from him. Kiyah let her hands push at his waist to keep him in place on the bed and started bobbing her head up and down. One of her hands came to hold the base of his dick to stroke it as she started to pick up her pace.

“Shit.” Jimmy breathed out, letting his head fall back in pleasure. The feeling of her warm and wet mouth on him was one of his favorite feelings.

The slurping noises were starting to fill the room.

Kiyah wasn’t letting up, she quickly picked up her pace and let herself produce as much saliva as she can to get him all nice and wet. Jimmy averted his eyes back down to her to watch her expertly move her mouth.

Once Kiyah seen him place on arm behind him to sag into the bed, kiyah moved her hands, one fondling his balls while the other stroked his base as her mouth paid full attention to his tip.

“Fuck Kiyah.” Jimmy groaned out as his hips jerked. Kiyah let out another moan, positioning her tongue flat against his tip and lapped at the precum that had been leaking out. Kiyah let her eyes slit up to catch his gaze one her while she lapped at his tip and pressed a small kiss to it before swallowing him back in her mouth.

His dick was throbbing in her mouth but it didn’t stop her, her hand tightened just a little as she moved her head a little faster, letting out a drawn-out moan to stimulate him a little more.

The moan that Jimmy let out was followed by a hiss when Kiyah fully took him down her throat. It was becoming too much and when Kiyah pulled back for air, Jimmy was quick to stand on his feet.

Both his hands sliding to grip onto the braids that she had at the bottom of her head and fed her back his dick.

“There we go mama, just like that.” He rasped out and began to fuck into her mouth. The more she choked and struggled to keep him all in her mouth with the speed he was going, the more it egged him on.

“Look at you taking this big dick down your throat.” Jimmy praised, Kiyah lifted her eyes to stare at him and he watched as tears came running down her face. Slobbering almost at the mouth, spit falling from her mouth and still she let him continue to abuse her throat. “That’s it princess.” He groaned out.

Kiyah felt him throb in her mouth, almost a warning and she pushed herself closer to him, taking him deeper in her mouth until his head was touching the back of her throat once again.

Jimmy let his head fall back and scrunched his eyes shut. “Fuck baby, I’m about to bust in your mouth.” He warned but Kiyah never moved. She whimpered and nodded her head in response and gripped onto his thigh as if to keep herself in place.

Kiyah forced her throat to relax just as his cum erupted and slid down her throat. Jimmy moaned loudly above her. “Fuuuccckkkk.”

Kiyah kept her head in place until he stopped cumming. Jimmy was quick to slip out of her mouth and he fell right back on the bed.

“C’mere.” Jimmy called for her but his voice was hoarse. Kiyah let herself raise from her knees to straddle his lap again.

Jimmy held at her waist, moving in to place his lips on hers, sliding his tongue in her mouth. Their tongues entangled with each other’s as they kissed messy and unhurried.

Jimmy’s hands slid up to wrap his arms around her body. The tension in the air not as charged as it was before. The slow kiss shared between them was a passionate one, changing the mood to a more sensual one.

Jimmy pulled away from the kiss to pull her shirt off and Kiyah took the chance to do the same, sliding off his lap to discard the rest of her clothes before she climbed back on his lap.

Their mouths were pressed against each other’s once again. Their bodies pressed together, kiyah parts her lips allowing Jimmy’s tongue to slip inside. Kiyah found herself leaning into the kiss, trying to eliminate any kind of space between the two.

Jimmy flips their position, so that Kiyah was laid underneath him. They broke away from the kiss with soft laughter. They moved further into the bed, once settled, Jimmy started to place butterfly kisses along her neck. Kiyah tilted her head to give him easier access to her neck, her back arching when he found her sweet spot and started to suck and bite.

The moans left her mouth freely as he continued his actions, more than likely creating a hickey.

“Jimmy.” She breathed out, when she felt him push himself inside of her. She threw her head back in pleasure when he was fully inside of her.

“Shit.” He groaned out, she was squeezing the life out of him. “You gotta open up for me Princess.” He whispered huskily in her ear.

Kiyah unclenched and he slid all the way out just to slowly push back into her, creating an antagonizing slow pace of him thrusting inside of her.

The feeling between the two being shown in the movements the two were giving each other couldn’t be identified as anything else but love. It was almost like a whiplash how fast the energy changed between the two. What had started out as something quick to pleasure her man, had changed to expressing with their bodies just how much they really missed each other these past few weeks.

Nuzzling into her neck as the pace amongst them started picking up, just a bit. Kiyah’s arms stayed around his torso, nails making dents into his back as the feeling intensified.

“Fuck baby, just like that.” She softly moaned out. He was moving at exactly the right pace and angle.

Jimmy lifted his head and pressed his forehead against hers as he continued to thrust inside of her. Her love face is what made him peck her lips a couple times.

“Tell me you love me.” He rasped out.

Kiyah whimpered quietly and clenched herself around him. She was letting the pleasure take over her body, she couldn’t find it in herself to reply.

“Tell me.” He softly demanded.

“I love you. I love you so much baby.” Kiyah moaned out as a reply.

Her moans were starting to become constant as she felt herself getting closer. His dick kept poking at her g spot.

“There we go.” He softly cooed at her, picking up his pace to help her reach her climax. “That’s it baby, let me take care of you.”

“Jimmy.” Kiyah breathed out before her eyes rolled to the back of her head as she felt herself cum.

“There we go Princess.” He praised as he continued thrust in her, he let out a groan in her ear as he felt his own orgasm approaching.

“I love you.” Kiyah repeated in a breathy moan, that was what it took to send him the over the edge. Jimmy buried his face back in her neck as he came inside of her.

“I love you too Princess.” He muttered into her neck, pressing soft kisses into her skin.

They stayed in each other's arms; the sounds of their kissing were the only thing that could be heard in the room before Kiyah pulled back to catch her breath. And that’s how they stayed until they succumbed to sleep in the comfort of their love.

_______________________________

Jimmy wakes up and stretched his arm out to feel for Kiyah. When he felt nothing but the bed, he turned to face the other side of the bed to find it empty.

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, he could’ve sworn he went to sleep with Kiyah, could’ve sworn that she was here with him. He sat up and listened to see if he could hear her in the kitchen, but it was nothing. Dead silence.

Jimmy flopped back onto the bed with a sigh. If last night really didn’t happen then he was really missing Kiyah more than he thought. He didn’t want to admit it, but the distance was starting to annoy him, especially when it caused him and Kiyah to play phone tag all the time and in those moments all he wanted was to just talk to her.

In these last couple of months, the two really just wanted to spend time with each other as a couple. Since Jimmy had admitted his feelings to Kiyah just a couple months ago, he’s been trying his hardest to step up as a boyfriend and in his mind, he felt like the distance was affecting that.

Jimmy turned to look at his bedside table and grabbed his phone to see the time. 12:45 pm. He wondered if she was up.

Before Jimmy could even get to call Kiyah, he hears the front door open and shut.

“There’s not enough money in the world that could ever make me like ‘Titanic’. I’m sorry girl.” He heard Kiyah say as she walked into the house.

I fuckin’ knew I wasn’t trippin’ Jimmy thought to himself. He pushed himself to sit up once again. The sound of Kiyah’s voice out in his kitchen – because he knew that’s where she would be – made him chuckle. This was new, her being in his space instead of the other way around, it was a new feeling, but it was a good feeling.

After he slipped back on his sweats, he walked out of the room to look for the person who’s been on his mind since he woke up.

“I’m not saying all that, I’m just saying I don’t get to crying my eyes out like everybody else when I watch the movie. Then on top of that, you mean to tell me she went through all that to find a good man just to watch him die? Girl please. We either was going to be playing tag with that big ass door she was laying on or we would’ve crossed to the other side together.” Kiyah stated to her friend, Alexis, on the phone as she prepared to fix her and Jimmy a plate of some breakfast.

“That’s not the point Kiyah. Their love was a love Rose wanted to remember. Plus she promised him she wouldn’t remember?” Alexis asked, voice being heard over the speaker and Kiyah shrugged even though her friend couldn’t see her.

“I mean I guess, I’m still not a fan of the movie so ain’t no point.” Kiyah expressed, shrugging her shoulders.

Jimmy leaned against the kitchen wall as he watched her. She was taking out two take out boxes from Waffle House and trying to fix the food onto a plate.

“You just saying that because you haven’t found a love worth wanting to remember. I know Ace really did a number on you hun but not all love is like that.”

“You ever had a person come into your life and just give you the most healing love you could ever imagine receiving? A love so healing that the way you used to love isn’t how you love anymore?” Kiyah asked, tone softening as she asked the question.

Her mind immediately went to Jimmy. The minute Jimmy entered her life, she’s felt like an entirely different person. She laughed way more than she used to, and he broke a lot of her walls that she had up. Even as just friends, his love was healing, his aura was healing, and it changed her in ways she thinks to be good.

“No, but that’s the love that Rose and Jack had basically.”

“A love like that is worth remembering but its worth dying for too ya know? I couldn’t imagine pouring my heart out like she did to Jack and bear to be okay without him in a situation like that. I would’ve went with him.”

Jimmy walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. Kiyah jumped at the feeling of someone touching her but relaxed once she smelled his scent.

She laid her head back against his chest and placed her hands on top of his, his warmth transferring to her in their embrace.

“Mhhmmm, speaking of, when you gone tell what’s his name you like him? You can’t just shove him under ‘best friend’ knowing you like him so much.” Alexis questioned and Kiyah just laughed.

“Girl, best friend or not he knows he my man.” Kiyah stated playfully, laughing when Jimmy tightened his grip around her, pressing kisses against the side of her face. “Anyways, thank you so much for checking up on me. I’m okay, I’m gonna be outta town for a while so I’ll call you when I get back.”

Jimmy let her wrap up the phone call, but as soon as she hung up, he turned her around and pressed his lips against hers.

“You weren’t here when I woke up, so I thought I imagined you being here.” Jimmy muttered against her lips.

Kiyah chuckled pulling away from the kiss. “When I woke up, I watched you sleep for like 15 minutes because I didn’t want to get out of bed.” She admits, wrapping her arms around his neck. “But you know I like taking care of you, wanted you to wake up to a home cooked breakfast but you didn’t have anything, so I went to get your favorite breakfast food.”

Jimmy pecked her lips one more time. “Thank you, Mama. I really appreciate it.”

Kiyah smiles at him, before turning back around to grab his plate and give it to him. “Okay. Here’s yours, I got us some apple juice to drink – go set the table so we can eat.”

Every time Jimmy seen her like this it made his heart swell in his chest. Jimmy wasn’t used to being taken care of, it was usually him playing that role and with every woman he’s entertained he’s never met a woman who made sure that he was okay or taken care of; it was always the other way around. But with Kiyah, she made sure she took care of him no matter what.

If he needed a shoulder to cry on, she was that shoulder. She never let him get pulled into the toxic masculinity bullshit, a man can express himself without being judged for it, a man is allowed to be weak too. And in those moments where Jimmy felt weak, Kiyah was his strength. She would help pull himself up and She never judged him for it. If he was having a rough week, she would take him to the spa to help him relax. Ever since they’ve been dating though, if he’s having a rough week, she’ll run him a bath. Make him a bubble bath and sit in there with him and hold him until he got everything off his chest. She also would give him a message after his bath, and they would cuddle, and they would go to sleep. Kiyah always went out her way to take care of him. Feeding him, taking care of his skin and hair, it made him appreciate her so much.

Kiyah could say the same though, Kiyah is not used to be taken care of. Jimmy did everything he could to take care of Kiyah when he could. On days where she doesn’t feel like cooking, he’ll either order her something to eat from where he’s at or he’ll pull up on her with food. Nights when she couldn’t fall asleep, he’ll sometimes fall asleep on the phone with her or when he’s off he’ll initiate a sleepover so that they could sleep together. He cared for her health, something no man has ever done before. Comforted her when she would breakdown and would help her pick herself back up. Jimmy took care of her in ways she’s never been taken care of before. It was almost impossible to not fall for him.

Both of them taking care of each other is one of the reasons they fell for each other. It made them appreciate each other more than the other could possibly think.

After eating, they both got ready for the day. Roman needed Jimmy for something at his house (his original reason for coming home in the first place) and when Jimmy came back home, he found Kiyah watching The Good Doctor in the living room.

“You cooked dinner, I thought we agreed to get takeout?” Jimmy asked as he walked towards the living room, the smell of food trickling through the air.

“I know, but when you’re with me, I always cook for you.” Kiyah replied, turning to face him.

He leaned down to peck her lips. “Hey baby.” He finally greeted with a tired smile.

Kiyah smiled back in return, pulling him to sit next to her on the couch. He’s been gone almost the whole day; she was definitely going to take advantage of the time she had with him now.

“How was it at Roman’s? Everything okay?” She asked sincerely.

Jimmy nodded his head at her, letting out a sigh. He let his head fall back again the couch to soak in the moment, he didn’t mind going out of his way to help Roman get set up at the new place he just bought. He was surprising his girlfriend with another home, and he needed someone to help him set it up.

“He’s surprising his girlfriend with a new crib, and he needed help setting up. I think he wants to propose.” Jimmy elaborates and Kiyah smiles.

“That’s good. It's crazy to think out of the three of y’all, he’ll be the one to get married first.”

Jimmy chuckled, opening his eyes and turning to face her. “Right? But he’s been in love with her for forever. Ya’ know they say when you know you know. Plus, Sophia really held it down for him when he needed it the most. I’m surprised he took this long.”

“Sometimes you want to go through hell and back with someone to be certain that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Cause when things are good, they’re good. But when things are bad, they’re bad ya know? The bad gotta be worth it.”

Jimmy let out a hum of agreement, it was something to think about for sure. Having someone to share everything with.

Kiyah watched him, a small smile engraved on her face. How could I get so lucky? She thought to herself. Her eyes catching all the small details in his face as she stared.

“What you staring at me for?”

“You so damn handsome.” She flirted, and it caused him to laugh.

“You see it, you see it!” He gassed himself up, sitting up to fake a pose. Kiyah playfully rolled her eyes at him.

“Boy, you so stupid.” She insulted, moving her body closer to his to lay her head on his chest. Jimmy moved his arm so that he can pull her in closer to him. “Let’s go somewhere tomorrow. We should make it habit of me coming here instead of you coming to New York. It’s way calmer here.”

“I don’t really care where we go. I just make the trip to your place because I like to pull up on you.”

“No, you just like coming to my house and raiding my pantry because I got better options than you do.”

Jimmy let out a chuckle, shaking his head at her. “I like coming to your house because I like being in your space.” He admits to her.

Kiyah softly smiles, tilting her head up to look at him. “I like being in yours too. I remember the first time you invited me over here; you checked me out of the hotel and brought me here to take care of me while I had covid. It was the first time anyone took me home to heal me back to health. I fell in love with Florida cause of you, ya know?”

“You cried your heart out when it was time for you go back to New York.”

“We had gotten so close I didn’t want you to forget about me. Then when you got back on the road, you made it a thing to come see me.”

“That’s why I still do. I know you real tender ‘bout certain things in your life so I try to show up for you in any way I can.”

Kiyah leans up to press her lips against his for a peck. “I love you.” She murmurs against his lips before pulling herself away from him. “Stay here and relax, okay? I know you had a long day so don’t worry about anything. I’m gonna fix you a plate and after we eat, it’ll be just me and you.”

And that’s how they spent the rest of their day together. After eating what she had made, Jimmy found himself on the floor with his head in between her legs as she braided his hair. She claimed it was just so she can have something to do while they watched the movie playing on the TV, but they both knew it was what Kiyah did when she felt he needed to destress. It was her way of taking care of her man and who was Jimmy to deny her that?

After she finished with his braids, they both decided to call it a night. In the bed, Kiyah laid her head on his chest with her leg thrown over his waist and Jimmy hands were stroking her back as they fell into comfortable silence to go to sleep. Kiyah had finally felt tired for the first time in a couple of weeks without the help of medication and she knew it was because of him. Jimmy heard her breathing slow down, felt how she was at ease to fall asleep with him being with her and the thought stayed in his mind for all of 4 seconds before he was speaking quietly into the air between them.

“Come with me on the road.” He suggested, and Kiyah, although almost finding her way to succumb into a peaceful sleep, had heard him. Silence had filled the air as she thought about it, and it was so quiet that Jimmy was convinced that she was sleep.

“For how long?”

“At least two weeks. That way I can make sure your falling asleep at night.”

It was his way of trying to take care of her and a lazy smile spread across Kiyah’s face because who was she to deny him that?

"Yeah. I’ll come with you."

Hand over heart I’m praying that I’m gonna make it out alive

Wednesday May 10th 2023

Jey didn’t really expect to see his brother come back to the hotel because he knew that no matter how hardheaded Kiyah was, he knew how much she really loved his brother. He thinks he was the first one to notice the dynamic change between the two of them.

In the beginning, Kiyah only came around them when Tez was around them because her cousin would be attached to the hip of her husband. When Kiyah and Jimmy started eating backstage together chatting it up about how much they like the fast and the furious movie franchise, when they made plans to binge watch the movie on Jimmy’s day off, it was then that Jey noticed the change.

To everyone else it came off as friendly, playful flirting even if you squinted, but Jey knew his twin brother. Jimmy was attracted to Kiyah in a way he’s seen his brother act before. But the two never crossed that line that superseded their friendship.

Until they did back in October. Jey thinks he was the first one to pick up when they did cross those lines, especially when Kiyah had visited to attend the halloween party the company was throwing. They were attached to the hip, and Jimmy couldn’t keep his hands to himself even if he wanted to. And again, maybe to everyone else it was just them being the best friends they claimed to be, but Jey knew his twin brother.

So, when he watched his twin brother walk into their rented out suit for the night with feigned nonchalant energy, Jey knew he was hurt.

“She’s not home or something, I don’t know, I don’t really care. I’m ready to call it a night, it’s been a long ass day.”

Jey watched his brother walk towards the sofa bed and plopped on it, it was then he noticed the bag in his hand. He had gone to get liquor.

“You were drinking?” Jey asked cautiously, he didn’t want to start an argument with his brother, and he knew if he didn’t tread lightly with the topic of conversation, an argument would be spurred.

“No. I bought it on my way back.” Jimmy replies, his tone monotone.

Jimmy was hurting, that much anyone can see but Jey didn’t really know what to do. He could’ve sworn Kiyah would’ve let him in so they could talk. She’s usually not that stubborn, especially not with his brother.

“Jimmy-“ Jey started but was cut off by his brother.

“I stood outside of her door for an hour, like a fucking idiot waiting for her to answer the door. I waited because I thought at first, she was gonna stand on what she said last time we talked before she folded. But she kept me outside like a dummy for an hour so now, I just wanna forget about this night, we can catch the first flight out this city because I won’t be here for no fuckin reason.” Jimmy vented, before he pulled the bottle of Hennessy out of the bag and opened it and took a large swig straight from the bottle.

Jey didn’t know what to say, so he just slid off the bed to sit next to his brother to share the bottle. It wouldn’t do anything; it wouldn’t change how his twin felt. If Jimmy was hurt, so was Jey. So, they shared the bottle to drown out the sorrows that lived in Jimmy’s chest. It wasn’t healthy but Jey knew Jimmy - he wasn’t going to do nothing else but get drunk to forget this night ever happened.

Meanwhile…….

Kiyah sat in her car with a blank expression on her face. Jimmy wasn’t there. He wasn’t home. She had thought to herself. Kiyah had knocked on his door and waited in her car for an hour to see if he just wasn’t home and was going to return but no. He hadn’t been home at all. Kiyah remembers where he would be when he was off, and he wasn’t home when they were friends.

Is he with her? Kiyah had wondered. It was a habit of his when they were friends. He would go see his ex when he had nothing to do, and he was bored.

The tears pooled in her eyes as the thought echoed in her mind. She couldn’t really blame him if he was with her, he’s tried to reach out and she didn���t give him the chance to fix things. She’s the one to break things off anyways so what he did on his free time was none of her business, but it didn’t stop the feeling of her heart being torn from her chest.

She had promised to call Bianca if things went left but she didn’t want to bother her any more than she has this whole day. She wanted her cousin to be at home, happily with her husband. Kiyah would have to deal with her broken heart alone.

And deal with it she did. Kiyah drove to the closest hotel near the airport and didn’t even get park the car for two seconds before she broke down crying. In the back of her mind, she always thought her and Jimmy were on borrowed time. With him being who he is and with what he does, she had her doubts. The doubts weren’t strong ones because any insecurity that she did have, Jimmy had putted them to rest with how attentive he was with her. But in the end, maybe he spoke some truth. Her baggage really did ruin the best thing she’s ever had. Maybe he finally realized that he could have someone better than her and left what they had where she left it and found something better…. Someone better.

What the heart wants

Present July 7th 2023

Kiyah’s heart has been beating out her chest ever since she left Jimmy to go get ready for the show. She didn’t know what she wanted to achieve with having a conversation with him. Bianca was trying to get her to go talk to him since this would be the first time the two are in the same vicinity.

“This could be your only chance to go see him. Could be your only chance to fix this mess and get your man back.” Bianca had stated to her. At first, Kiyah didn’t move from her seat. But she kept thinking it over, kept thinking about how much she loves him and how if there was supposed to be someone to be the one to do it… it had to be her.

When she had left him that night it was her who ignored all his calls, and when he had visited her a couple of weeks after the incident, it was her who ignored his pleas. He didn’t know about her trip to Florida so she knew, if they were going to have to speak, it was going to have to be her who made the first move.

It was all she needed to think before she did it. Now she didn’t know what to do, she didn’t come prepaid to talk to him. She had came because she hadn’t seen Bianca for a while and wanted to support from backstage in her locker room but now, she had to figure out how she was going to apologize to him and probably hope he lets her back in his life, even if it was just to be friends.

Yeah right.

“You need to stop trippin’. He agreed to talk right? Okay so just tell that man you sorry and how you never stopped thinking about him because you still love him and that you went to see him two months ago, but he wasn’t home, and you just wanted to mend things.”

“What if he’s already back to fuckin’ her?” Kiyah asked her cousin with a raised eyebrow. “I mean, let’s be serious. I broke it off and he could be comfortable going back to fuckin’ his ex ya know? We’ve only had been dating for six months.”

“Yeah, and knew each other for three years. Secretly in love with each other for the two years that you did know each other. Kiyah c’mon you can’t keep pushing. We don’t even know for sure if he was with his ex or not, your just assuming. You won’t know the full truth if you don’t go talk to him.”

Kiyah knew Bianca was telling the truth, so she nodded her head taking in a deep breath. She had to face reality if she wanted to get her man back. And even though every nerve in her body was lit up as if it were on fire, she knew Jimmy was worth all the anxiety because she loves him.

Jimmy on the other hand couldn’t get rid of the shock feeling he felt. Kiyah had showed up and wanted to talk.

“Aye Uce, you feeling okay?” Solo asked him, concern showing through his eyes.

“I don’t know.” He replied honestly. He didn’t really expect to see her yet, he thought he was going to be sad off the memories the city has given him and try to move on as fast as possible.

“Honest question, you still love her?” Jey asked, but everyone in the room knew the answer to that.

“Of course, I do.”

“Still wanna be with her?” Solo asked

Silence filled the locker room. But again, everyone in the room already knew the answer to that too. Jey knew that even though his brother was in shock, this could mean something for the two. Solo knew the same. Looking at his older brother, he already knew, this sparked some hope in his chest.

“I always wanted to be with her.” He admits to his brothers but shook his head. “But I don’t know what to say to her. It’s been three months, what am I supposed to say?”

“Well, seeing as she came to you, let her start the conversation. But tell her what you telling us… tell her you love her. Tell her what you wanted to tell her when we came here a couple months back.” Jey explained.

Jimmy’s heart clenched as he thought about that night, how all he wanted to do was profess his love to her and apologize and hold her until he had to fly back to work that Friday morning.

“Listen, somethings in life are worth fighting for. Obviously you both wanna fight for this, and maybe she’s showing up a little later than you want but would you rather have her give up on you fully? Is these three months worth allat?” Jey genuinely asked but Jimmy didn’t know. Is her going ghost really worth it?

The boys didn’t really have the luxury of time to do a deep dive into Jimmy and his feelings because they had to go out there and start the show off, especially after such a big win at Money in the bank.

As much as she tried to pull herself together, once that familiar music started to play on the tv in the locker room she couldn’t help but lock her eyes on the screen. It didn’t matter how much she tried to avoid him, in one way or another, every Friday, she found herself watching the second longest running television show in all sports entertainment.

But even though Kiyah wanted to watch the segment, she couldn’t watch the entire thing. Not when she had to prepare for the conversation that her and Jimmy were going to have inevitably.

“Don’t overthink it. He doesn’t hate you Kiyah, stop thinking like that.” Tez stated to comfort her and Bianca had nodded her head in agreement.

“Seriously, just think of it as two friends reuniting to make up for lost time or something. You and Jimmy were friends first, treat the situation as such.” Bianca advised and Kiyah thought about it.

Bianca was right, Kiyah thought to herself. It was never just Jimmy and never just Kiyah…. It was always Jimmy and Kiyah, and she should treat the situation as such. She’s going to apologize for hurting him because that was the last thing she wanted to do. She’s just so used to pushing, she never realized how selfish it may have looked.

But Kiyah knows where she fucked up at and she knows she has to make it up to him and for Jimmy, she was willing. Jimmy was the type of person to wear his heart on his sleeve for the right people, and he didn’t really deserve her cold shoulder. No matter how upset she was.

_______________________________

After the camera’s cut, Jimmy and Jey jump out of the ambulance and dapped each other up. “Alright Uce, gone head and take care of ya’ business. Let me know how it goes later.” Jey said as they bid each other goodbye for the night.

Jimmy had requested for a break two weeks ago so that he could really take time to focus on himself since after the breakup. Week in and week out, it him putting work first but he couldn’t really do it anymore. He needed the time off.

Now though, with Kiyah popping back up out of nowhere, he didn’t know what he want to do anymore. On his way back to the locker room, he decided he won’t think too much about everything. Kiyah was the type of girl who’s had her heart broken so many times that he’s not really surprised that she’s used to running… he just thought that it was different with him. He showed out every time that he could with her and he thought it was enough, but maybe it wasn’t. Or maybe it was if she was back and wanted to talk.

I don’t fuckin know; Jimmy thought to himself. All he knew was that if there was a chance between the two of them to fix whatever this was between the two of them then he wouldn’t shut her out. Not like he could anyways, not when he loves her much.

Plus, he couldn’t put the entire blame on her. It was him who triggered her. He triggered her flight and fight response. He hurt her when he threw her past and insecurity back in her face. He regretted it the second he said it, but it was too late. The knife had already made its way to her chest, the very second he said it. He knew he would apologize for it ten times over tonight because he didn’t mean it. He never wanted to hurt her, and he never wanted to be reason behind it either. He’ll never forget the look on her face, how devastated she was. Hopefully they’d get past it. Hopefully they would put this behind them and hopefully they could get to how they were before.

After Jimmy grabbed his bags, he had made his way to look for Tez but when he opened the door, for the second time that night he was face to face with Kiyah.

“Hey.” She greeted in a soft tone and a nervous smile.

“Hey.” He replied and silence filled the air between the two as they stared at each other.

Both of them just taking in the sight of each other, it was then Kiyah realized how much she missed him because she wanted a hug so bad and she knew they weren’t on those terms yet.

She contemplated just walking up and giving him a hug anyways. Her body yearned to be close with him.

"You ready to go? I don’t know where you want to to go but wherever is fine." He finally had spoken.

Kiyah bit her lip as she thought about her response, there was only one place in the city that she wanted to be with him.

"Can we go home?" She whispered out to him, and the silence filled the hallway once again.

Home. She had stated as if they were both living in the same place and she was ready to fall back into that solace of their shared space. Home. What they were to each other, even after all this time.

Jimmy nodded his head at her and that gave Kiyah the confidence she needed to push off the wall and wrap her arms around his neck to pull him into a warm embrace. She felt Jimmy freeze against her body and his hesitation made her tighten her grip. If this was going to be the last time they hug, she’d hold on until she couldn’t anymore.

When Jimmy wrapped his arms around her in return, Kiyah felt her eyes water. Neither of them said anything to each other as they held on to each other. Jimmy’s felt his heart swell in his chest, this was all he wanted. A chance to hold her.

They knew they had so much to talk about but in this moment, they let themselves hold onto each other.

_______________________________

The two sat in the living room, right next to each other holding each other’s hand. On the way here, the two didn’t want to be far from each other. On the drive here, Kiyah sent a quick text to Bianca to let her cousin know she’s left and will call her in the morning before placing her phone on DND so that she could give him her undivided attention.

Jimmy was tempted to light up, to ease his mind but he knew that this was a conversation that they needed to be sober for.

“I’m sorry.” Kiyah blurted out in a low tone, flexing her hand to intertwine their fingers together and hold his hand tighter.

“I’m sorry I shut you out. You don’t deserve that. And I know you’ve reached out, and I have this… I have the tendency to run when I’m scared.” Kiyah stated, her sentence ending in a whisper.

Kiyah’s heart felt heavy and she fought hard to keep her tears at bay but it was pointless.

Jimmy let her get everything out, his heart feelings heavy his chest but this conversation had to be had… no matter how difficult it may be for either of em.

“And I run to protect myself but I only end up really hurting myself in the process. And I know I hurt you because I shouldn’t have to protect myself… not with you. You were right you know?”

Jimmy lifted his eyes from his lap to look at her with a raised eyebrows looking at her in confusion.

“I do have so much baggage.” She whispered.

Jimmy felt his heart crack. He shook his head to disagree but she kept going.

“My ex left me with so much trust issues but to push those insecurities onto you wasn’t fair. That baggage was from that relationship and I’m sorry-“

“Kiyah, I didn’t mean it.” He responded, cutting her off. He wasn’t going to let her apologize for her triggers. “You don’t have baggage Kiyah, if that were the case you would’ve displayed it earlier in our relationship and you didn’t. I know what he did to you, and I know it felt like I turned around and did the same thing to you. But I didn’t mean it. I swear.” He stated almost in a plea.

“Don’t apologize because I triggered you. That’s on me and I’m sorry. I wish I never said it because I don’t want to be the reason you’re so upset but in the midst of my anger it just came out. I’m sorry Kiyah. Seriously.” Jimmy wanted this to be over, he wanted to get past this and forget it ever happened. He just wanted to be with her.

Kiyah’s eyes locked with Jimmy’s and she can see the sincerity in them. She can hear it in his voice. She believed him, it was something she forgave him for a while ago.

Jimmy lifted his other hand to wipe away the tears that were falling uncontrollably down her face.

“I’m sorry I hurt you. I didn’t mean it. And I won’t do it again if you give me another chance.” Kiyah replied to him, eyes pleading for forgiveness. “I remember when you told me you wanted to experience all your firsts with me, and I feel the same way. You are the first person I’ve ran back to, the only person who is worth it.” She admitted.

Jimmy leaned forward to place his forehead against hers. “If you forgive me, I’ll forgive you.” He whispered to her, making Kiyah crack a small smile.

“I already forgave you.” She whispered back to him and he couldn’t hold himself back anymore.

Jimmy leaned forward to press his lips against hers. The kiss shared between the two was one of desperation. Desperate to show their love to each other.

The heart wants what it wants

Jimmy and Kiyah ended their night in her room. The moment filled with passion, and they couldn’t stay away from each other anymore than they already did.

They made love for almost the whole night. Whispering ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I love you’ to each other as they shared their night of passion. It was to make up for lost time, it was to express themselves to each other, it was to show each other that their love still meant a lot to them.

When Kiyah woke up the next morning, she half expected to wake up to an empty bed but no. There Jimmy was, face almost buried into the pillow as he slept peacefully beside her.

It was the first time in three month she felt happy. The first time she woke up with her heart feeling content. She watched him sleep with a small smile on her face as she remembered last night. She hoped that those three months would just be water under the bridge, hoped it didn’t effect their dynamic of what they were.

And their regular dynamic would be her getting to make him something to eat but she couldn’t bring herself to get and leave. It was almost as if leaving the bed would shatter this reality, and she didn’t want to leave his side just yet.

When Kiyah woke up again, she noticed her change of position. Her head on Jimmy’s chest, and her leg over his hips with one of his hands rubbing her leg.

“Good morning.” She mumbled tiredly. She shifted her head to stare at him to find he was already watching her.

“Good morning.” He responded back, leaning towards her to peck her lips. “I love you.”

Kiyah felt her heart leap in her chest. She wouldn’t wake up any other way. “I love you.” She replied back without missing a beat.

They both smiled softly at each other. “I requested time off from work. At first it was so that I can sort myself out but, I think I just wanna spend my time here with you.” He informed her.

“We can go to your place too if you want. I can request some time off work and we can be on the first flight to Florida.”

Jimmy let out a small chuckle. “You’re so in love with Florida huh?”

“I’m in love with what’s in Florida. I love it here, don’t get me wrong but I love it when we’re in Florida. It’s quieter, a much slower pace than New York for sure.”

“I’m in love with what’s in New York, so I understand.” Jimmy replied and Kiyah pressed a small kiss to his chest.

Silence filled between them and this time it was a comfortable silence. There was one thing that was nagging at her, and she didn’t want to ask to ruin everything they’ve just tried to get past through. She’s not sure she could handle the truth, if it were true. Was he with her when I went to Florida?

“I went to Florida back in May.” She finally confessed, her arms tightening around him as the words flowed from her mouth. “I thought you were gonna be home but you didn’t show up.”

Jimmy furrowed his eyebrows as he thought back to a couple of months ago. “When?” He asked.

“The 10th. Tez told Bianca that he overheard you saying you were going to the airport and she convinced me to buy a ticket to come see you.” She explained and she felt Jimmy freeze. Her heart began to pick up its pace.

“It was the first time I’ve ever ran back to you. But when you didn’t answer the door I thought you-“ and Jimmy cut her off.

“I came here.”

Kiyah pulled back from their embrace to look at him. The shock was written on her face, she couldn’t hide it. “What?”

“Jey told me to come to New York to try one more time and I did.” Jimmy explained. A small chuckle ran through him. “I thought you were ignoring me when I came but whole time you were chasing after me too huh?”

She can feel the relief settle in her heart. No, he wasn’t with his ex because he came looking for her. They ran after each other on the same day.

“I probably should’ve called.” But Jimmy shrugged off her comments. He was over that. He pulls her back into him again.

“Do you remember what you said about having a love to remember?” He asked her and she stared at him.

The first time she surprised him at his house, she had a conversation with her friend about a love that’s worth dying for. A love that’s worth remembering.

“I love you and I never forgot it. These past three months all I could do was remember our love and I want to stop living in those memories and make new ones.” Jimmy expressed.

She understood what he was saying, and she couldn’t help but agree with him. Their love was one worth remembering, but their story didn’t end like they thought it did back in April. And even now as they laid in each other's arms, Kiyah finally thought, maybe this was the love Jack and Rose had that Alexis was talking about. But if it was, she didn’t want it to be. She didn’t want the love Jack and Rose had, she wants the one that Jimmy and Kiyah have.

[jmvore]

cater to you | pjm [r2]

‹ previous | next › ↳ SYNOPSIS › Being sexually frustrated seemed to be the story of Jimin's life. So he turned to writing his wants and wishes in a blog he kept online for people to read. He used to be content with that, until he met you. Eventually, he stopped because all the fantasizing in the world never amounted to the real thing. › series masterlist | masterlist | request ‹

» RATING › 18+ [M I N O R S D O N O T I N T E R A C T] » GENRE(S) › smut, fluff » AU › slice of life » PAIRING(S) › park jimin x f!reader » WORD(S) › 5.2k+ » CH. SYNOPSIS › jimin comes home one night stressed out of his mind and you make plans to get him to relax. » REQUESTED? › @luvymin › thank you for requesting lovely ♡ » SMUT WARNING(S) › JIMIN CALLS THE READER MOMMY (so if that's not your cup of tea, don't read), sub!jimin, domme!f!reader, a lot of orgasm denials, loads of teasing, ass play, m! fingering, sensual massage, jimin is in love alright, soft!domme reader, a lot of pet names for Jimin (Petal, Baby, Love, Sweetheart, etc) because you're so in love, okay but eating Jimin's [redacted] while he's in a split position cause that's hot af lol, stressed!jm (poor baby), whiny!jm, worship kink (reader worships the fuck outta Jimin), jimin apologizes like crazy cause he feels so damn bad, & just taking care of Jimin like he deserves. » POST DATE › 11/26/2023 » A/N › It took a minute but it's finally done! Some stuff didn't make it but I got a couple of drabbles I wanna release too so they will get done. Thank you @/saradika for the divider(s)! For those who don't know, this is a request series: you can request for this universe. You can read more about it on this story's masterlist.

thank you for reading! & remember: you nice, keep going.❤️› masterlist ‹

The front door opens and slams closed with so much you fear for the picture that line that particular wall. It's startles you but you know it can only be one person.

At least you hope it is.

"Jimin? Honey?" You don't hear an answer, growing worried because shit! What if it's not him? You probably shouldn't give your location to the-

"It's me."

You breath out in relief, trying to calm your beating heart. The squeaking of the wooden can be heard underneath his feet as you know he's headed to the living room. In return, confuses you since he always finds you first.

Something's wrong.

"Petal?" You don't let any of that deter you, wiping your hands on the towel hanging from the oven and turning down the fire to let the food simmer. It doesn't take long for you to find him in the living room, sat on the couch with his head.

"Petal? What's wrong?" You see the bags under his eyes. You've notice he's been overworking himself for the dance studio and coming home late from time to time. Your lips upturn into a frown at the way his body is visibly tired. "Jimin. What's-"

"Nothing! Jesus... C-Can you just give me a second?" The moment those words leave his mouth, he instantly regrets it. Your head cocked to the side in a 'what the fuck' notion, face scrunched in irritation. "Honey..."

No. He doesn't get to call you that. He's angry but he's most definitely not mad at you. He shouldn’t have since you didn’t have anything to do with it. It’s not your fault Taemin quit. Or the fact the parents were getting on the instructors' cases about who will have the lead this year for the Nutcracker showcase. In all honesty, Jimin hates this time of year. It brings out the worst in people. The only good thing is the two and a half weeks he gets to spend with you uninterrupted.

And, of course, seeing his students graduate from his class too but spending time with you takes the cake.

When he peeks over at you, he frowns when your face doesn't show any emotion. Fuck, he didn't mean it.

"Jimin."

"Shit! I'm sorry..."

"What the hell?"

"I-I'm sorry?" It comes out more like a question as Jimin reaches for you to make sure you don't scooch away from him. "I'm just exhausted and angry and-."

"I can see that but that doesn't mean you can take it out on me."

"I know, I know... I just-" Jimin stops because he knows you don't want to hear excuses but he hopes you forgive him. "There's so much going on at the studio that I feel I'm being stretched every which way."

"Baby?"

"I'm sorry..."

"Petal," You coo, scooting closer to pull him right into your lap. He lays his head on your shoulder as your fingers thread through his blonde hair. You can sense the way he tenses, running your hand up and down his back as he finally vents.

“What's on your mind?”

“Nothing and everything?” He whispers, closing his eyes to simply feel. "I don't know if I want to keep doing this."

"Your work?"

He nods, "It’s just with the kids' showcase coming up and the parents being pushier than usually. It's getting to breaking point." Jimin grabs your hand to play with your fingers. "And with Taemin quitting on us was the last thing we needed so now we have to find another instructor."

"Seems everything is hectic right now."

"It is..." Jimin groans and you can't help but feel bad. He needs a break. You can't help but want to take care of him like you promised him you would. You always know what to get him to calm down, regardless of why he's riled up. "I don't know what to do."

"Well, I can't tell you because I don't know anything about what you did I can tell you that you got this." Jimin rolls his eyes but the smile on his face says otherwise. “But, if you don't have to talk about it more you don't have to. You know I'm here whenever you want to, Petal.”

“I know.” He pouts, peeking through one of his eyes to get a glimpse of your reaction and blushing when he see you smirking back. “T-Thank you.”

"You're such a cutie." You mushed together like this for a couple more minutes and cuddling him until he doesn't want to anymore. “Anyway, it's what I'm here for.”

He bites his lip before glancing back at the kitchen to see the pot on the stove. "What were you doing?"

"Well I was cooking you dinner but then you started yelling at me. I'm hurt."

"I said I was sorry," Jimin whines while bowing his head and groaning.

"Uh huh."

He calls your name but you can't help but chuckle.

"It's fine baby." You kiss his forehead before nipping at his earlobe. "But, next time you snap at me like that you're going to be punished."

Jimin's eyes widen. He said he was sorry! How much more does he need to do for you to forgive him?

“Nope, you’re not getting out of this by being cute, Petal.” You grab him by the hand to pull him into the kitchen. Your heart sings at how sweet your baby boy is. “Anyway, c’mon. I made your favorite.”

“Kimchi Jjigae?” 

“Mhm." You turn him toward your shared bedroom and pat him on the bottom to get him to move. "Go take a shower, I'll get our plates ready. We can watch a movie or something."

"Okay!" You something kin to weights being lifted from his shoulders.

As you watch him disappear into the room, the wheels turn inside your head. So many ideas come time mind but you settle on one. One you know he will enjoy and appreciate. You'll put it in motion for your sweet little petal because Lord knows how much he needs.

And how much you want to help.

You can’t wait.

[ 07:43pm | Honey🥰: Hey, I need to talk to you when you get home.

Your text sent Jimin’s mind into a mental gymnastics frenzy. Your relationship has been going well, at least, he thought it was. He doesn't know what it could be. Is it good? Is it bad?

He frowns at that.

Oh god, what if you were finally done with him?! Wait no, that can't be it! Shit, what could you need to talk to him so urgently for?

Fuck…

Here he goes overthinking things! Should he text back and ask? Would that ruin the surprise? What should he do?? S-Should he do anything? HIs breathing grows labored, hyperventilating at the the thought of you leaving him. Is this because he yelled?

God, why is he like this?

His phone buzzes in his hand as he takes a quick glances at it, releasing the breath he was holding.

[ 07:54pm | Honey🥰: and I know you're overthinking this. Stop it, it's nothing bad, love I’ll see you when you get home 😘

"Get it together, Jimin." He can't help but snicker at himself and if anyone else was there they'd think he was insane. It takes everything not to tell you what happened because he already knows what you're going to say.

[ 08:05pm | Okay, I should be home in a little bit. Just closing up.

Jimin checks the time on his watch and noting it's almost nine. He hates that he sent most of everyone home (with the exception of Hoseok and Jungkook). It simply meant the three of them had to finish locking up.

"Jimin!" Hoseok runs up to him, his smile bright as ever as he hands him his checklist. "Anything needs to be done? I'm done with mine."

"No. If you want to head out you can." Jimin shrugs while looking over his own. "I can lock up."

He looks at the rest of the closing list:

☑ Making sure his rooms are cleaned and tidy. ☑ Things that were left behind by the kids are put in the lost and found for the next day. ▫ Relieving the Janitor once he's done cleaning the dance floors. ▫ Lastly, shutting off unimportant lights, locking up.

It’s not that bad. He thinks he can manage.

“It’s okay! I just have to see the janitor out and then I’ll be heading home.”

“Are you sure? We can stay and help.”

“You know it’s not a bother.”

“I’m sure. Go home guys.” Jimin starts to shoo them out of the door. “I’ll be fine. I told he-”

“Yeah, yeah. Give her a hug and tell her I miss her cooking.” Hoseok jokes, grabbing Jungkook by the arm to make him leave as well. “We need to get together again!”

“Okay, okay! I’ll see you guys later.” Jimin chuckles before heading to the back to tell the janitor to leave. Lights off, doors locked and the alarm set, Jimin rushes out to his car to get ready to leave. Of course traffic stops him from getting home at his normal time, telling Siri to dial your number and hearing it ring twice before you answer. Pulling onto the highway, he’s trying his hardest to keep his excitement off the gas pedal. It’s easier said than done until he sees the traffic has come to a slow stop. 

He instantly regrets not going the way he usually does.

“Petal?”

“Hey honey, I’m on my way home!” He says before groaning when he notices the traffic hasn’t moved. Of course when he wants to take the highway, there’s a traffic jam. “But there’s a bit of traffic.”

“It’s okay, love,” You chuckle at how annoyed he sounds, wanting nothing more than to pinch his cute cheeks and tell him it’s okay. “Take your time. I’ll still be here.”

“I know. I know. I just miss you.”

“I miss you too, darling.” He hears a bit of shuffling and he can tell you’re in bed. What he wouldn’t give to be in bed with you right now. “But are you sure that’s the only reason you called?”

“Huh? Yes?” 

“Uh huh. I’m not telling you anything until you get here.” You chuckle, making Jimin smile on his end. Your laugh never fails to brighten his day.

“Damn. You got me.”

It’s then that he glances out beyond where he is and realizes there’s been a car accident. A bad one from the looks of it. 

“Oh there was an accident.”

“Well be safe, Petal. We’ll talk when you get home.” 

“Okay I’ll see you in a little bit.” He hangs up the phone, traffic slowly picking up but still moving at a slow pace. Eventually, he makes it out of the radius of the crash (and hopes everyone involved is okay). He ends up arriving home around nine-forty, pulling into his driveway. He notes your car is in the garage so he leaves his parked outside. 

Jimin's heart is thrums in his chest, unsure of what you have planned but excited at the thought of what it could be. He doesn’t know what you have in store for him but that doesn’t stop him from running to the door with his keys in hand and ready to open the door. He’s confused the moment he shuts the front door and sees the downstairs lights are off. 

You said you were going to be home, so… Where were you?

“Honey?” He calls out your name with no answer in return. He tosses his keys and wallet in the basket next to the front door and sets his shoes on the rack. The soft hum of the air conditioner can be heard and the little creaks of the house but he doesn’t hear you. “Where is she?”

Jimin feels his phone buzz, noting you must have texted him earlier when he was getting out of the car. That’s why he didn’t feel it.

[ 09:32pm | Honey🥰: Come upstairs when you get home.

He stuffs his phone into his back pocket and heads upstairs when he sees the candles lining their way from the top of the stairs to your shared bedroom. He bites back the smile, realizing he was really panicking for no reason. Holding your arms open, he runs into your arms with hesitation as you amused at his reaction.

“Surprise Darling!” You grin as he’s vibrating with excitement and also confusion. 

“Is this-”

“Mhm and It’s all for you. I know how stressed you’ve been and I wanted to do something to help you relax.” You, noticing the way his eyes twinkle with adoration. You want to keep that look in his eyes for as long as you remain together. 

“I don’t know what to say.” Jimin throws himself into your arms again, this time his plush lips connect with yours over and over as you giggle into it.

“Petal-”

“No.” Jimin's eyes meet yours as you see his bottom lip begin to wobble, a small pout on his lips. You can see tears beginning to form in his eyes and you can’t help but comfort your baby. You know why he’s so emotional when you do things like this but it still hurts to see. “T-thank you for taking care of me.”

Your smile fades the longer you hold him in your arms as you don’t move, knowing he needs this more than he leads on. To be secure, comforted and not ridiculed. You kiss the tear from his cheek before wiping it away with your thumb.

“I told you I would. You don’t have to thank me for that.” As you hold his jaw, you bring his face closer, your lips so close all he has to do is lean forward to taste you but you don’t give him the luxury again. Not yet. You have a point to make. “You deserve all of this and more, beautiful. And remember what I said?”

“Whoever made me feel less than doesn’t deserve me.”

You hum and note the way he melts into your arms, body so close to becoming boneless. He continues to take in your words as truth because he knows they are. He’s glad he found you when he did and he’s glad he took a chance that night when you spoke to him at the club. He’s never felt this genuine with anyone he’s been with before. 

He doesn’t know where he would be if he hadn’t cast his doubts aside.

“Aish…” Jimin rolls eyes as his head falls back. “I’m sorry for messing up the mood.”

“The mood is whatever you want to make it. There’s no rules.”

Jimin nods, taking in his surroundings as he steps away to truly look around the room. The rose petals leading from the top of the stairs to your shared bed and the way the dim candles are lit and lighting the room. Jimin can’t wait to see what you’re going to do.

“Now it’s time for you to relax and let me cater to you, Pretty.” You hold your hand out for him to take and when he grabs it, you tug him into your chest. His breath hitches and his eyes widen the moment as he swallows. Whenever you take control, it always makes his heart skip a beat but he wouldn’t trade it for anything else. “I wanna take care of you tonight.”

He looks at you before noticing a bottle of oil next to the bed. The apple of his cheeks turning red as you can feel his dick chub up in his jeans. 

“A massage?”

You hum, twirling your fingers for him to turn around and patting him on the butt to force him to move.

“Yes. Now, go shower.” Your tone is playful but stern and he knows you have something more in store aside from the initial plan. 

“O-Okay.”

“Ah, ah. Yes, what?”

“Y-Yes Mommy!” He squeals, practically skipping toward the bathroom before shutting the door. You light a couple of more candles in his absence and grab a couple of towels to lay on the bed. You want him to feel good but don’t want to worry about cleaning the bed sheets later. Plus that oil is a little too runny, you make a mental note to get a different brand. 

It doesn’t take much longer for Jimin to emerge from the bathroom. His hair is wet and dripping as the water cascades down his toned body. You were always amazed at how beautiful he is as a whole but his toned body is on a whole ‘nother level. You’re dying to rip the towel from his body and give him exactly what he needs to release the unwanted tension throughout it but that is going to have to wait.

For now.

“You’re staring,” Jimin states playfully. “Like what you see?” 

He undid the towel around his waist and let it drop to the floor as he watched you run your tongue over your top lip. He shifts on his feet, the butterflies doing work to his stomach. 

God, you make him feel so wanted.

“You know I do,” You chuckle, taking in just how hard he is (cock so red you can’t help but want to kneel down and blow him). The things you want to do to him right now are so surreal but, atlas, he needs the tension released from his body.

Focus.

You gesture for him to lie down on the bed. He makes a show of it, crawling slowly to give you a full view of his ass. 

“You’re really trying to rile me up, aren’t you, Pretty?”

“Maybe?” He winks over his shoulder before laying down on the towel and wiggling a little to get comfortable. 

“Tease.”

“But I’m your sweet little tease.” He grins, folding his arms and resting his head on top of them. He wiggles a little more to get comfortable. Well, as comfortable as he can get with how hard he is. You can see him rut against the bed as you slap his firm ass, hearing him let off a soft groan. 

“Be still.” It’s your turn to strip down to nothing, your lingerie thrown on the floor (long forgotten). You grab the lemon-scented massage oil from the bedside table and climb into bed, weight on the back of his legs just below his ass. You’re careful to make sure you don’t hurt him. 

“Remember. Relax.” 

“It’s kind of hard when I can feel you’re naked on top of me.”

“Would you have it any other way?”

He shakes his head but hisses the moment you apply pressure into the middle of his back. Your hands travel up to his shoulders and back down his back. Jimin’s hyper aware of how wet you are, he can feel it and holy shit, he wants to be buried inside of you. He wonders… Was this turning you on as much as it was for him?However, this massage feels way too good to have you stop now. He didn’t realize how pent up he was now that you’re doing your best to loosen up those muscles. 

It doesn't go unappreciated. 

“How does that feel, Petal?” A soft chill travels through his body the moment you begin walking your fingers down his back again. You’re no doubt tracing the various moon eclipses in the center of it and he can’t say he doesn’t like it… Because he does. You worship every single part of his body like he was made for you to praise and he can’t help but love every part of it.

You conditioned him this way but he’s glad.

“Sweets?”

“Hm?” 

“Did you hear me?”

“Oh no…” Jimin twists slightly to get a good look at you and he wishes he hadn’t. “Fuck…” You look so hot on top of him (even if it’s the wrong way). He can see your nipples hardened from rubbing your breast against his back and probably the cold air. You always look so sexy when you’re concentrating and right now is no different.

Feeling eyes on you, you glance to meet Jimins and smirk, knowing what that glint in his eyes mean.

“Nope. I’m not done, lay back down sweetheart.” 

Jimin whines, wanting to get you to touch him down there but it’s not working. You’re too determined to finish this. You make sure to get the rest of his back, knowing how much he twists and turns while dancing. He mostly complains about it anyway so you know it’s one of the places that needs to be worked out.

“Still with me?” 

He moans, “Y-Yeah, can you go deeper?” as you slide your palm near the trapezius.

You hum, “Of course. You’re so tense.”

“I know…” Jimin sighs, knowing he’s so fucking turned on. It’s starting to hurt a little since he’s laying on it. “M-Mommy…”

“Yeah?”

“Hurts?”

“Hm?” You scoot further back on his legs to be able to lean down and cup his ass, giving it a gentle squeeze. It’s when you push your fist into the muscle and then knead into it that has Jimin practically crying for release. He moans your name, gripping the sheets on the side of him and pushes back against your hand with a soft whimper. 

“It hurts so good.” You want to ruin him right here, right now. You want to make sure that he can’t walk for a couple of days, stumbling around asking (or rather whining) for your help because ‘you did this to him’.  

You also want him to be able to unwind. Be free of thoughts and responsibilities. To simply feel the world around him. 

Although, the latter is currently living rent-free in your mind.

The scent of the oil sends Jimin's senses into overdrive as it finally fills the room. When you hit a certain pressure point in the back of his calf, he hisses while reaching for a pillow to hold.

“Tell me if it hurts, baby.”

“I will, mommy.” 

Fuck he needed this. You’re so good to him.

You hum, giving his ass a soft smack and hearing him groan.

“You know what I think, Petal?” You ask as Jimin's breath hitches the moment you start kneading his ass. “I should spank you for your outburst the other day.” You smack his ass again before pressing your hand into his lower back, leaning close to his ear. “I should fuck this pretty little hole until you're begging me to stop. Make you cum over and over again from just my cock but you would love that wouldn’t you, baby?”

“N-No. Punish me.”

“Oh? You wouldn't?” You chuckle, finally pulling his cheeks apart to the small Emerald peeking out of his hole. “Is that why this is here?”

“No! No… I-I just wanted to be prepared.”

“Of course, my love.” You tap the little gem before finally pulling it out and pushing it back in. You quickly up the speed and with how hard he is and all your teasing, he doesn't know if he will last much longer. “But I don't think you deserve this… at least, not yet.” You abruptly stop as he begs you to keep going. You pretend to ignore him. You slowly stand up, admiring the way his hole gapes open with the little green gem sitting pretty. 

He knows you’re going to make him work for it. He doesn’t mind doing it but it’s so pent up, he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to withstand it. You, however, are enjoying the show as you take a step back to gaze at him. An impish smile spreads across your face. You have something planned.

“Do you think you deserve it?” You ask, your voice soft but enticing. He nods, his eyes wide with anticipation. 

“I said I was sorry…” 

“I know you are and that’s the only reason I’m not.” 

 “P-Please…” He whines as he tries to rut against the bed but another quick slap on the ass stops him.

“Impatient.” With the click of your tongue, you remove the gem from his ass to watch him try to clench around nothing. “Get on all fours.” 

“Yes Mommy.” He’s quick to obey as you reach around his frame to begin to stroke his cock. Running your fingers over his sensitive skin, he moans in pleasure. His eyes were lidding with excitement. You cup his balls in your hand, to massage them before more back to his ass. 

“You want this, baby?” He can feel you thrusting against him and he so wishes you had your strap on right now. He needs it but whatever else you have planned he’ll take that too.

“Yes!” You rub your index against his hole in a circular motion. He moans softly, his body trembling with anticipation. You tilt forward to begin kissing up his back and once you reach his shoulder blades, he knows he’s a goner. 

“If you can cum for me, you can have it.” You reach up to caress his cheek as his body vibrates with pleasure. His heart is pounding against his chest the moment your lips brush against his. "Now be a good boy and turn over for me baby." You step back and smirk, knowing you're about to give him what he really wants. “I wanna see your pretty face.” 

It’s not so much as a request but more of a demand and Jimin does exactly what he’s told. You notice the moment he does that his cock looks like it’s about to burst from being neglected. The way it curves against his stomach makes you want to put it right in your mouth but you know the moment you do, he’s going to cum. 

And you don’t want him to. Not yet.

You nibble your bottom lip to try not to give off how much this affects you but your mouth is watering at the sight. 

“So pretty.”

“For you.”

“All for me?” He profusely nods as he writhes in your grasp, you feel up his stomach. He’s falling into that headspace but he’s okay with it because he knows you’ll take care of him when he does. You always do. “I hope so. Ready?”

“Y-Yes. Please.” Jimin whimpers, puppy eyes staring right into yours. “T-Touch me, please. I’ve been good. I w-waited.”

“Oh baby,” You coo, tracing the pre-cum on the tip of his cock as it jumps from the feathery touches. Another whine erupts from his throat as he arches his back, desperate to feel your lips or pussy wrapped around his cock.

You know he's growing desperate but you also know the pleasure he'll feel in the seconds to come will be out of this world with all the times you've denied his orgasm. You take a mental picture of him on his back with his legs pressed to his chest for your memory bank, savoring the moment. 

Locked up safe and tight.

“I want you…” Jimin sighs, head falling back into the bed. The oil makes his body glisten, accenting the pre-cum drooling from his cock. You lick your palm and take hold of his cock as you slowly stroke it again. This time you swipe your tongue over the tip before closing your mouth over it and sucking it. “You're gonna make me cum.”

“Oh?” You suck a little harder and by the gods, Jimin is right fucking there just a couple of more sucks and you'll have his cum all down your throat but, alas, you stop again and Jimin feels like he's about to go insane.

“Turn over,” You tell him, hearing him whine louder because why? Why did you stop? Why were you doing this to him? Is it because he yelled at you? God… “Ah, ah.”

“Mommy, I-” You raise a brow and honestly, Jimin knows not to say much of anything else unless he wants you to walk out and leave him with the Blues balls he's ever had. Everything hurts at this point but it hurts so fucking good.

“Turn over.”

Once he's in the position, you smack his already red ass another smack to watch it jiggle from the force. That's when an idea comes to mind. You've seen Jimim dance, you know how flexible your king is and you want to see how long he can hold a position. 

“I want you to do the splits, baby.”

Jimin’s eyes widened at the request. He can do it. Hell, he can do the side splits and the front but he's never done it for sexual gain. Will that feel good?

“Do you wanna cum?” Jimin peeks back with pleading eyes, hoping it'll get you to let him but all he gets is a chuckle in return. “Do you?”

“Y-Yes.” 

“Splits.”

Jimin nods, positioning himself into side splits and scooting back to the edge of the bed per your request. It feels weird, to say the least. His muscles are sort of strained but with years of ballet under his belt, he can handle it. You press his upper body into the mattress, lifting his bottom to make his cock and balls hang off the side of the bed. That way it's not hurting him and making it easier for you to play with. 

“Fuck, I love your ass baby.”

Jimin whimpers and wiggles to try and entice you to start. His cock salivating all over the side of the bed sheets. 

“I want you loud, Petal. I wanna hear how good I'm making you feel. Understand me?”

“Yes!” You smack his ass one more time before taking the right cheek and kneading it. “Fuck yes…” He moans, heading falling into the mattress with a gasp once your tongue is swirling around his pretty little hole. “Please fuck my hole. It's yours Mommy. It'll always be yours.”

“Yeah?” You spit into it before delving back in, your other wrapping around his cock to stroke. “You want me to stretch you baby? You want me to fuck you so good you'll still feel it in the morning?”

“Yes! Yes!”

You can feel the sheets tightened because of his grip on the bed sheets. His breathing grows withered and scarce. He jolts the moment you nip at his right cheek and instantly moves to the left and back. 

“Your ass is so fucking amazing, baby.” You trace your finger around his rim before sinking it in. His hole flutters around it, he's so warm and wet and you wanna put your strap on and fuck him to oblivion but he's going dumb with just your tongue and fingers. “I’m gonna fuck you dumb, baby boy. Make you want me so bad.”

You push your finger deeper as he mutters to no but himself, his body trembling with pleasure. You start off slow, hooking your finger to find that spot that you know will drive him wild. 

“I love how wet you are for me already, baby.” Jimin slightly arches his back and pushes his hips up against you. You smirk at how needy he is now, reaching for a pillow to place underneath his stomach to make him arch a little better. 

“Look at you taking my finger so well. It sucks me right in, baby. I wonder if you're ready for my-”

“I am, please!” He whines, pushing his ass back as he hears you chuckle.

“Eager aren't we?”

“Yes. Please!” Jimin’s full on sobbing now and rutting against the pillow. You know the friction it's causing will be enough to make him cum and you think you’ve played with him enough. “I want you to fuck me. I need you to fuck me, please!”

“Oh I plan to, but first…” You lean forward and immediately start flicking your tongue against his rim. 

before running it down to his balls to the tip of his cock and giving it a light suck.

“Fuck Yes…” Jimin whimpers, “Your tongue is so good. You feel good.”

“Mhm…”

Jimin reaches behind him to try and shove your head into him and try to keep you there. He much rather have you laying on top of him and fucking his tight ass open but he’s so into his pleasure that he can’t seem to reach you like he wants to. He moans louder and louder as you keep licking and sucking his asshole. 

He pushes his ass toward you just to feel more of you. Your hands, your tongue, your body heat- he’s surrounded by you and he knows he can trust you. You make him feel so safe and secure. 

He’s so close to the edge and he wants you to take him over. Your hands gripping his thighs tighter and at this point, he is straight grinding on your face as you tongue his pretty hole. You’re switching between fucking him with your tongue and fingers and his pleasure is at it’s peak. He can feel it simmering in his stomach, wanting it to snap because he needs this. 

He needs you to keep going. 

He feels your body move against his and his heart races as you take him deeper. He’s never felt this pleasure before and he knows he’s going to cum soon. He moans in pleasure as he feels your tongue exploring him, his breathing becoming ragged as he feels you teasing him. 

He wants you to fuck him. So. Fucking. Bad. 

“Please...” His strength is ebbing away, and he can't keep up the momentum. He wants to cum so bad but he wants to feel full.

“You’re so pretty when you beg, petal.” A chuckle escapes your lips. He surrenders completely and lets you take him as far as you want. He feels so relaxed and open with you and he knows he can trust you. He lets you take control and he lets you bring him pleasure. “Ready?”

“Cum… ‘Wan cum…”

At first, you were simply grazing his prostate and barely touching it but now, you’re fucking him so good that he’s starting to mumble incoherently. He’s tensing and then untensing before gripping the sheets so hard, you knew his knuckles were turning white. His moans grow so much louder as his breathing is becoming labored. 

He’s oh so hot and god, you want to ruin him some more.

You add a third and this point, you’re thrusting in and out as his pretty hole sucks your fingers right in. He can’t control the sounds he makes each time you so much as graze (let alone touching) against his prostate and he knows he’s about to cum so hard. He needs this, his mind and body stressed to the point that he can’t even relax on his own but that’s why he’s happy you’re here.

You always know what he needs.

“I’m about to cum!” He buries his face further into the bed and you know his face is beet red from how much he begins wiggling to reach his high. You lean over and whisper in his ear, "Cum for me, baby." 

He lets out a loud moan as his body shudders and he cums all over himself. 

“Ah! Ah! AH!” He yells the moment he finally cums, he keeps rutting into the bed to keep his orgasm going as you begin to slow down since you know he’s hypersensitive right now. “So good. So good. I’m good. Good.” He whines and you know he is falling into his space. “I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!”

“Petal?” You immediately climb into the bed to lay on top of you, knowing he needs the comfort of knowing someone is with him. You rub circles into his back, let him know that he's not alone and that you're here. You'll always be here. You’re pleased and content in the knowledge that you made him feel this good.

“I'm sorry…” The way he cries does nothing but break your heart because you know it's coming from a place that he hasn't tapped into since he left his last relationship.

“Why honey?” You ask, your smile turns into a frown when his eyes meet yours but they're widened with fear. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I-” He tried to explain but the moment you shake your head, he stops. 

“Honey, don't ever apologize for something that you don't have control over.” You reach forward to caress his cheek, noticing how blotchy with red they've become since his episode. “I told you I would take care of you and I meant that.”

Jimin hums, eyes in a complete daze as he leans into your touch to rub his face into your hand.

“I'm sorry…” You smile, kissing his forehead as well to say it's okay. You hate the damage his ex’s has done to him but you're determined to reverse it because Jimin deserves everything and more. He deserves to be loved and cared for. Not ridiculed because of what he’s into.

“It's okay, Petal.” He rests his head in your breast and you know sleep is finally taking over his form. He needs the rest and you don't bother him while he does.

With his arms wrapped around your waist and his breathing finally evening out. You can say he's satisfied and stress-free right now. 

Maybe you should run him a bath when he wakes up. 

Yeah, you think you’ll do that. You smile to yourself and stroke his hair, he looks so peaceful and content.

You kiss his forehead, silently wishing him a peaceful night.

© 2020 - 2023 » JMVORE || @/http-pjm and @/googikoo » All Rights Reserved.   DO NOT Copy, Translate, Re-Upload, or Steal ANY of my work. Thank You!

[slavghoul]

Interview from Upset Magazine 6/2023

Words: Steven Loftin

Like an apparition manifesting within a dense fog, it was through radio static that Swedish rockers Ghost were formed. In the kindergarten he attended as a young boy, Tobias Forge found himself enamoured with the music crackling through the little toy speakers. From this point forward, he began picking apart the notes and melodies - his journey toward the lore and canon coming into focus as he sat, trying to figure out how this black magic could be summoned.

While it would be many years before he would don his garb as Papa Emeritus, the essence of what his future would sound like was being set through his exposure to a wide variety of music. If any proof were needed, just look to the impressive list of covers Ghost have put their ghastly mark upon, including 2016's 'Popestar' EP, which included the band's takes on Echo & The Bunnymen ('Nocturnal Me') and Simian Mobile Disco ('I Believe').

Ghost's latest EP is another covers bonanza. A five-piece offering of Tobias's backstory, 'Phantomime' plays out like a Greatest Hits radio playlist - a fitting throwback to Tobias' first dalliances with music. Of course, when a group more aligned to the metal/hard rock community bust out covers, including Genesis and Tina Turner, eyebrows are raised. To this reaction, Tobias scoffs. "In 1991, Genesis was one of the biggest bands on the planet! That was a huge hit. In the mid-80s, when I had an older teenage brother who rented every VHS movie that came out, of course, we saw the fucking Thunderdome, and that was a huge hit, and it's still being played on Swedish radio. It's an evergreen; it's not an eclectic choice at all," he declares. "I grew up listening to Stranglers because my brother liked them. What else do we have, Iron Maiden - I mean, are you kidding? I'm a metalhead!"

Originally conceived during the sessions for their fifth album, last year's 'Impera', there were two folders on his computer's desktop: one named 'Impera', the other simply 'Covers'. As the ideas for 'Impera' grew, Tobias would enter his usual routine of working on a cover or two. "At any point, when you lose a little wind in writing your own things, it's quite nice to say, 'Today let's go in and work on the covers'; you can choose anything you want, you can work on absolutely anything you want. And you don't have to finish it, you don't have to release it, you don't have to do anything, but just continue working."

He likens it to the freedom of being a theatre owner who, instead of trying to pen the next greatest Broadway phenomenon, opts to have a go at something already timeless and perfected.

"Maybe you're like, 'Okay, so this fall we're just going to do a reinterpretation of Hamlet instead, that's going to be fine, and that keeps everyone working, and that keeps a project moving along! And I find a similar thing with working on covers. So as I was writing "Impera', the covers folder was also growing exponentially and at a point. I had this idea that was going to be a full-length album."

With COVID restrictions meaning the original producer for 'Impera' was stuck in the US, Tobias had to source a replacement. It would be Klas Åhlund who stepped up to the plate. But, on one condition. "He was pretty upfront. He was like. Yeah, I only want to make the record; I don't want to work on covers," Tobias remembers "Fine, fine, fine, that's fine." he shrugs. "So, after the 'Impera' recording was done, I felt as if making a completely different, whole record again: I didn't have time for that. I didn't have the energy for that. But once I trimmed down the number of songs to only these five to make a very rocky record, it loosened up the screws a little bit for me in terms of like, "Okay, so now I know what the EP is going to be - it's going to be a full, full-throttle rock one."

Ditching some rumoured softer covers, including U2, Misfits, and Motörhead. 'Phantomime is instead a delectable slice of Ghost doing what Ghost do best: creating theatrically big rock. It's Tobias's mark upon some bonafide classics, including Iron Maiden's 'Phantom of the Opera' which feels as befitting to Ghost as it does seeing Papa Emeritus kick the bucket ready for his next iteration. While the focus was on creating this small dose of Tobias's musical DNA, it also served another purpose; to simply be "not very complicated." The project began with the mindset of "we can make this recording loosely - quick but stress-free - as opposed to making a record which is your hard fifth record that needs to live up to certain standards. So it was just a very inspired, very simple recording, actually."

After the complexities of 'Impera' which wound up requiring two studios simultaneously running in parallel "to be able to work efficiently" - Ghost was morphing into a taxing experience for the band leader, "It was just a bigger thing [and] way more stressful."

Deciding to strip that covers folder down to the five tracks, by all accounts, 'Phantomime was a measured and reserved effort. "It ended up being me, an engineer, and an occasional musician coming in and doing something. It was so much looser, so much more mentally Feng Shui," he smiles, relief glowing in his voice. "And I think that that reflected a little bit on the two different records. They're meant to be related - they are definitely related - they were made roughly in the same time, but they're completely different things."

'Phantomime' plays out like a ghoulish social commentary. Starting with a searing rendition of Televison's 'See No Evil, the journey traverses the scourge of Televangelism (Genesis' Jesus He Knows Me') with a delightfully-fitting NSFW video, the instant gratification humans require to feel (The Stranglers' Hanging Around"); the pull back into cruel reality (Phantom Of The Opera"), and the resulting undying hope from a degraded society (Tina Turner's 'We Don't Need Another Hero"). Each offering is bolstered with Ghost's dramatic, theatric rock licks and Tobias's powerhouse vocals.

With 'Phantomime' in the bag and the European leg of the 'Impera' tour imminent (Tobias is currently holed up in preparation), the idea of reflecting on how he came to go from a young boy listening to the static sounds of pop hits on the radio to orchestrating not only a feverishly adored band and its lore but finding the capacity to embrace his inner music nerd, couldn't be more timely. Tobias's relationship with music has always been one of intrigue. He's a pop songwriter with the ambition and ideas of a stadium rock band, which, in essence, explains perfectly why Ghost can sit in a unique, exponentially growing and expanding space.

"My earliest inclination of wanting to transform into something else was definitely Twisted Sister," he recalls. "You know, "I Want To Rock' and 'We're Not Going To Take It' - that was a huge record in 1984, and in 1984, I was three years old," he says. "My brother was 16, so everything that was going on pop-culturally amongst teenagers was happening in my home."

It was thanks to his brother that much of Tobias's relationship with music was formed. He's introduced him to various giants of the time, like tectonic plates being pushed around, impacting and shaping his musical landscape. Translating for young Tobias the attitude of punk at the time, as well as everything else that was 'in', he remembers, "When I was a kid, and he was supposed to babysit me, as a pacifier he would put me in front of [Sex Pistols mockumentary film] 'The Great Rock 'n' Roll Swindle"," he laughs. "And then when that was over, he would just switch to [X-rated cartoon] Fritz the Cat. And I loved that stuff, of course. That was as much [about] the expression and the attitude. Of course, I loved the songs, but it was also filtered or combined with big songs for me." Those big songs ("Men At Work 'Down Under'," he initially cites, "those sort of songs still have a unique place in my in my writing") would eventually entwine with his darker side that he'd explore as he grew older. "Whilst my whole adolescence was completely in the name of extreme metal, I always had a very soft spot for Top 40 rock and pop radio always," Tobias explains. "And I've listened to that all my life. So it's almost equal portions of Venom as it is anything. that was on the radio."

Also, witnessing shock and glam-rock bands explode intrigued Tobias. He became swept away in the idea that not only could you push a boundary to its absolute limits with convictions and over-the-top grandiosity, but you could do so with songs that quantifiably bop. But, as time has gone onto prove, it wasn't pop music that enamoured Tobias enough that he wanted to become a pop star. It's the mythology and mystery that has become his calling card.

Tobias remained an enigma under the disguise of an evolving form of the iconic Papa Emeritus (now in his fourth incarnation) until 2017, after a lawsuit from a previous iteration of his backing band's rotating cast, the Nameless Ghouls. Visual and video components to releases are often hoovered up by the fandom, stripped apart for meaning and potential. Instagram posts are referred to as a '[Message From The Clergy]" (a phrase later claimed for 2022's Best Of playlist), and lest it is forgotten, the Ghost 'Grucifix' - the prominent crucifix deconstructed into Tobias's gothic 'G' logo - which ties together the vision, religious imagery and satire that would become a core part of the Ghost experience.

His musical ambition and education colliding in the middle of his Venn diagram between dark metal and pop magic is thanks to the likes of the aforementioned Twisted Sister and W.A.S.P., as well as his teen years in the black metal community. "Their first record was also a huge impact in Swedish media," Tobias remembers. "There was this big sort of Satanic panic thing going on at the time in the fall of 1984. Where you had essentially all those things happening. You had Mötley Crüe 'Shout At The Devil', which came out a year earlier, and they were there because they toured with Iron Maiden in 1984, so there was a lot of focus on these shock-rock bands. I saw that as a kid, and I was immediately blown away - it was the coolest thing I've ever seen. And I think that that was the trigger that made me identify as that is how I want to express myself."

Decoding the songs he'd hear also became an integral part of that expression. "That was the only thing I did for years before I started writing my own songs." Recalling his time in kindergarten, they had a piano and guitar, which Tobias became infatuated with. Instead of playing with the other children, he would find himself enraptured, listening to the radio or flipping over whichever cassette happened to be loaded at the time. He would then imitate the sounds he was soaking up. "A lot of those early beginnings of how to learn and how I've learned how to understand music filters through everything I do now," he explains.

The early records he'd find himself trying to unpack included KISS 'Alive' and Pink Floyd's 'Piper At The Gates Of Dawn' - disparate matches, but undoubtedly Ghost fuel with hard rock melodies and psychedelic tendencies. "I had the first and the second Pink Floyd on a double LP that was called 'A Nice Pair'. And that's the shit that I sat and listened to and played guitar to," he says proudly. "That's weird music, that's really weird chord sequences and melodies that sort of went nowhere. And, that coloured me a lot in my vision of this is how you write a pop song. Of course, I knew more conventional writing as well. But I figured that this resonates with me, and I want to write more like that."

Tobias is the first to admit that the influence his musical exposure has had on him isn't the most straightforward. "For all the years that I was in bands, up until Ghost, basically when I was in bands not doing well, I got a lot of, I wouldn't say stick, but it was always like, 'You write weird songs, there's something weird about them, and it will never really become anything because it has that sort of weirdness to it".

As he grew, the songs he'd heard reflected this inherent strangeness he'd constructed. Before the days of mass formulaic pop factories, the music emanating from the radio abided by the strictest rule of needing to at least be approachable, but within these confines, artists of the 70s and 80s would push the envelope as far as they could. Citing Nik Kershaw's 'The Riddle' as one example, "Holy shit, if you would have taken that song and taken it to a chord structure masterclass amongst pop writers now who want to write songs for Miley Cyrus or The Weeknd or any of that sort of level they would say, no, no, no, no, that this will never work. It's too strange. It's too weird. You can't do that; it doesn't have the normal chord progression.

"There are a lot of songs from the 80s that are like that," he reckons, "compared to the now, more informative way of writing, the 80s was braver actually, and it worked well. And those songs are evergreens in a way that a lot of the top radio shit from seven years ago is forgotten, and that's the stuff that I grew up with when I started playing the guitar."

Having made that inner sanctum, he would enter kindergarten a reality, one where he can explore those recesses of his mind shaken by the musical earthquakes he experienced; now, he's matured and deeply entrenched in the reality. "Throughout the modern day of pop writing, I know a few professional pop songwriters, and we continue having these conversations because in pop," he says, "where some of them work prolifically on really high releases, they're like, it's strange how the business wants everything to be so informative. Everybody wants a weird song, but still, all the big songs are usually very, very formatted [and] very, very simple."

While unpacking the songs he'd heard back in the 80s offered Tobias a chance to comprehend what makes a good song, it, more importantly, helped him to set out doing it on his own. When digging into crafting a new Ghost number, Tobias explains that "each new song is a little bit like virgin territory with its own riddle to be solved, and is always a combination of the horror of maybe not solving the puzzle, with the thrill when you do. And it's never easy because each new song needs something new. And so you constantly need to feed your ability with knowledge about how other things are."

Breaking it down into a figurative example, he likens it to being like a detective. "I'm assuming that part of being a great detective is to constantly have an open mind, but also constantly learning about human behaviour and wha people do. If you just had 100 forensic classes, but you know nothing about people and how they live their lives, it's gonna be hard to solve crimes." The same rings true for writers who have to read to improve and further understand language, while comedians pull from real-life experiences - music is no different. Tobias's early days of stripping down songs to their basic parts and then rebuilding them have remained a constant endeavour. "But that's how you write songs as well; you go and absorb new things."

The covers process, as mentioned, is a release for Tobias. When things are stuck when trying to piece together a new chapter for the Ghost bible, a cover offers up a chance for something lighter. "Working on covers can be equally euphoric," he confirms, "because it's fun to understand a song whereas, on the other hand, it can be almost demoralising because you're like, I can't believe that this song is so much better than anything that I've written! And it's so much easier. It's so simple."

"I find myself overcomplicating things often, but you might not hear the complicated detour that I took to end up at the more understandable, straighter version that ended up being the actual recording," he continues. "That's a never-ending struggle because that's how it's supposed to be. It's not like you write the one song. I don't think I know anyone or know of anyone who's content with the idea of having written one huge song. And then you know, okay, that's nirvana for you. You don't write the one song the same way that if you're a comedian, it's not like, 'Oh, I just told the funniest joke. So now I'm done".

While Tobias is one for wanting to keep the ball rolling and on a constant endeavour to continue his musical evolution, he knows there's a limit. Every release of Ghost must have a purpose. Nodding to the 60s method of firing singles out on all fronts, eventually compiling them for a full-length release, Tobias acknowledges his relationship with his fans is based on a more long-term understanding. "That's not how we do things; we make an album, and off of that album, there are singles - it's a 70s/80s thinking. And I don't want to refrain from that - I don't want too many singles to be these autonomous little creatures."

But the world is different now. It's a Wild West where being in the masses' consciousness is key, so things may have to change for him. Admitting that right now, he knows he's post-release of Ghost's last canon entry, 'Impera', which arrived back in 2022, and while 'Phantomime' is a reasonable enough bridge, sooner or later, he's going to have to play the game of ensuring Ghost ramp up. Earlier this year, Ghost collaborated with Def Leppard's Joe Elliott on a re-release of 'Impera' cut 'Spillways' which, while a fantastic addition to their arsenal, adds to the same notion Tobias is fearful of. "I'm slowly preparing for making a new record that's going to come out in 2024, which is way too long for the current contemporary music climate; you need to be ever-present," the last phrase hanging in the air ominously.

That doesn't mean he has to lower his standards, however. No Ghost release will exist just for content's sake. Everything must have its place. He even reckons a 14-track album is "a lot of music", and he still sees an album as being "22 minutes of music per side" - true to form, currently, no standard issue of any Ghost album breaches 12 tracks. He's even ready to aim for the likes of The Rolling Stones and The Beatles by swiftly lobbing a couple of spicy takes out. "Look, man, I don't even think that 'Exile on Main Street' is that good. Not even the fucking White album is that great - break it up! Both of those records would have been better if they were trimmed down to singular records."

That pop mind breaking through; Tobias is someone who knows that music is entertainment. Certainly, a medium which often leads to more bulky connotations, but it must entertain. It's why he doesn't pay any mind to those naysayers that yearn for Ghost to be more metal or to follow a different path. This is Tobias's game; we're just privy to the sermon. These days the floodgates are open and, when compared to previous decades, as Tobias remembers it, "you had to buy your own records. Whatever additional music you got, that wasn't maybe heard on the TV or the radio, when you took something from someone else, was usually a choice, so music styles could in some way be a little bit more insular back then just because you weren't subjected to as much." He mentions his beloved death metal as being a signifier of the changes happening. "Back in the day, when I was starting listening to extreme metal, that was completely embraced by a certain little subculture or group of mostly teenagers and 20-somethings. Whereas in the 2000s, when Vice started doing black metal reporting, all of a sudden you have indie personalities who were fans of Darkthrone, and so, obviously, what ended up that turned into this fusion, which was a positive and very natural thing."

This cultural shift is another reason Ghost's space is widening and its success growing. "Nowadays, people are a little bit more open," he admits. But, with this comes issues. "As time has progressed, metal and hard rock, as well as most genres that have been around for a while, [they've] gone from this youth culture to a conservative institution because so many of the fans are now aged." The passage of time waits for no one. But, more presciently for culture, it also means our understanding of what is 'good' and what should be where is moulded differently to when we were younger. "Unfortunately, that happens to most people regardless of who you were when you were 20," Tobias reckons, "or your ideals when you're like 40/50/60 years old. Your brain starts morphing into a slightly more conservative, slightly more nostalgic... You don't want things to change."

Tobias is the first to hold his hands up and admit the same has happened to him. He yearns for 1984 and even 1990-94. He would even be happy with 1987, back to those days with the crackling radio and a childlike spirit. "That would be so much cooler. I loved that way more than in this day and age. But I can't sit around and mope about that because it's not a problem that it's not 1987."

'Phantomime' is proof nostalgia can be a useful tool. It fuels with passion, and Ghost is Tobias's Neverland. "There's such a debate about what we are and why that is." Ghost are a band that, thanks to Tobias's musical education, transcend time. They exist on their own plain and with the evergreen, timeless sounds of yesteryear echoing around Tobias's head, long may Papa reign with his gloved melodic iron fist.

[magics-neptunes-things]

Friends?

Hello everyone!

The story is happening in March 2023.

Enjoy ♥

TW : Hungover

PART 2 | PART 3

Feeling like an elephant is sitting on her head, Katie lets go of a little groan of discomfort when she wakes up. The curtains having been closed last night (or rather this morning), the Irish is unable to say what time it is. But she vaguely remembers that today is a day of and that she has plenty of time to stay in her bed, her head under her cushion, promising herself to never touch a single drop of alcohol again.

Inhaling deeply through her nose, Katie puts a hand on her painful skull while keeping her eyes closed, trying to remember the events of last night. She perfectly remembers going out with the girls from Arsenal to celebrate Stina’s birthday, a dance floor and way too many cocktails.

It's while rolling on the back that Katie freezes suddenly, when her body enters in collision with another. Katie’s eyes suddenly open and she gets up on her elbows to see who is next to her. She sees nothing, however, except a back and brown hair.

She brought a girl home last night.

Lifting the sheets, Katie quickly realizes that she is dressed in a sports bra and shorty, her usual outfit when she sleeps. Her night companion is wearing an Irish football shirt with her name and number on it. Releasing the sheets, Katie lets herself fall back on her pillow, her mind walking at a hundred an hour, desperately trying to remember who she brought home last night.

Partly to avoid the humiliation of not remembering the name of her conquest, but also because Caitlin was there last night. Caitlin who almost didn't return from Australia after Christmas and who she is closer than ever. It was only when the Australian thought about not coming back that Katie realized that there was more than friendship in her feelings for her. That she’s slowly but deeply falling in love with her.

Her breakup with Ruesha dates from almost a year ago, almost at the same time as Caitlin and Lia broke up too. If they seem to have managed to remain courteous to each other despite the suffering that a breakup brings, it's far from the same for Katie and Ruesha. There is no longer any exchange between them and Katie happily ignores her ex when she has to meet her in training camps.

So it’s perfectly normal for her to move on, but Katie knows that Caitlin is struggling with her mental health and she doesn't want to impose too much on the Australian. But if Caitlin saw her leaving with another girl last night, there is not a fucking chance left. And Katie suddenly feels nauseous.

"Can you stop fucking moving?"

Katie freezes again when she hears the voice of the person next to her, the accent easily recognizable to her.

"Caitlin?"

"Shut up, god, please" moaned Caitlin, her head on her forehead, apparently also suffering from a pretty hangover.

It's at this precise moment that everything comes back into place in Katie’s mind, each of the memories taking place in the Irish’s head. And it also allows her to shake herself a little, mentally at least.

" ’m coming back" Katie mumbles, Caitlin replies only with a vague grunt.

The Irish girl almost fall in the dress that Caitlin wore last night but nevertheless manages to reach her bathroom in which she locks herself before sitting in her bathtub to call Leah. By Facetime, by habit.

"Hello?" ended up doing Leah’s voice after what feels like an eternity.

The screen is completely black, without Katie knowing if it’s because the screen is hidden or if it’s because Leah is still in bed. Not that it’s what interests her now to be completely honest.

"Leah I’m into deep"

"What’s going on?"

Leah’s voice looks more awake and Katie manages to draw the contours of her friend’s face, certifying that she is in the dark.

"I… I slept with Caitlin last night" the Irish mumbles, glancing at the door, hopping that Caitlin can't hear her.

"Yes and?"

The answer surprises Katie so much that she remains stuck for a few seconds before her emotions regain the upper hand, like a champagne cork that comes out of the bottle when shaken too much.

"What do you mean, and? That’s all you can think of? It’s Caitlin, Leah!"

"Yes well excuse me, but after having surprised you in full makeout session against your car after you went missing for about thirty minutes, I suspected what would follow"

But Katie sighs softly and pinches her nose, hoping to gather her spirits. Which is not an easy thing with a terrible hangover.

"I don’t understand" Leah continues "You are all over her for weeks. How is it a bad thing?"

"I wish it was different. What if she doesn’t remember? What if she regrets? I should never have done that when she was drunk."

"You were drunk too and from what I saw, she was entirely consenting, Kat'. You are my friend and I love you but I would have stepped in if it had been the opposite"

Katie remains silent about this, she knows perfectly that Leah is right. The blonde doesn’t hesitate to tell her friends if she thinks they are wrong. This is something the Irish woman appreciates.

"Listen, get out of your tub, go talk to her. There’s no point in taking it on yourself until you know what it’s like for her."

"She’s wearing my Irish jersey" says Katie randomly

Leah laughs and Katie can’t help but smile when she hears her, a guilty smile displayed on her face.

"But why?" asks Leah between two laughs

"She was cold and at the time I found it sexy"

Katie shrugs and Leah laughs again before smiling teasingly.

"You could have kept her warm though"

"Okay, I’ll hang up now" Katie says rolling her eyes.

"Bye!" chuckles Leah before hanging up.

Katie’s smile remains a few seconds on her face, before she realizes that she really have to leave her bathroom and go to confront the young woman who is in her bed. She nevertheless takes the time to make a passage through the kitchen to recover two bottles of water, after swallowing two paracetamol and taking others for Caitlin.

Katie is a little hesitant when entering her room, wondering if the Australian has fallen asleep again. But this is not the case, still lying on her side, Caitlin has her face turned towards the door when Katie makes her entrance.

"Hey" gently makes the youngest by mechanically pushing the door with her foot.

"If we had been at my house, I would have thought you had gone home" Caitlin mutters, following her with her eyes as she drops a pill and a bottle of water on the nightstand. "Thanks"

Katie sits by her side when Caitlin sits, swallowing in turn the medicine and some water. A little silence sets in, Katie torturing her mind to know how to approach the subject. But it’s finally Caitlin who speaks, mechanically raising Katie’s gaze on her. "So... About what happened last night..." "Yeah" But Caitlin adds nothing, her eyes dipped into Katie’s, as if she were looking for answers to questions. It’s hard for Katie to tell if the striker can find what she was looking for, but Caitlin ends up speaking again a few seconds later. "Look, if you want to act like nothing happened..." "No!" Katie abruptly grabbed Caitlin’s hand. "No. I just... do you remember everything from last night?" It’s strange for Caitlin to see Katie struggling to explain things and talk to her. She is usually known to be outspoken and fearless. Today, she seems almost embarrassed. "Is that what’s got you in such a state?" asks Caitlin, gently frowning. "In part. I know that you are not necessarily at your best moral level and sincerely I would be terribly sorry if you regret this morning" "I don’t regret anything" Caitlin gently smiled, tightening her hand around Katie’s. "Yeah?" Katie smiled back When Caitlin nods and lies on the cushions behind her, Katie goes over her to lie by her side. Warm under her duvet and looking up at the ceiling, Katie is lost in her thoughts when Caitlin resumes speaking. "I lied. I think I have a regret after all" "About what?" Katie turns her head to look at Caitlin. Lying in the same position as her, Caitlin slightly turns her head to look back at Katie. The worry that squeezed Katie’s stomach loosens a little when seeing her smile. Their hands are always in each other and Katie’s thumb mechanically draws circles on Caitlin’s hand.

"These cocktails. I’ve never had such a headache."

_____________________________________________________________

Does anyone want a Part 3 maybe ?

[rainmustfallts4]

Forget Me Not… (Short Story)

Theme: Forget Me Not

Challenge/Month: Monthly Simlit Short Story/March 2023

Genre: Angst

Word/Picture Count: 1,000 words/12 pictures

Original Note: This is the first time in a long time that I’ve whipped up something for MSSS and I feel a bit rusty, to be sure. Why did this turn out as pure angst? I have no idea, that’s just where the prompt took me lol I also used Bluebells to represent Forget Me Nots because it’s the only blue flower that resembled it. The house used in this fic is “Family Farmhouse” made by eggiebabe on the gallery with a few edits to better fit the story.

‧̍̊·̊‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊‧̍̊ ‧̍̊·̊‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊‧̍̊ ☔ °̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥ ·͙̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥̩̩͙‧͙ °̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥ 🍂 ‧̍̊·̊‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊‧̍̊‧̍̊·̊‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊‧̍̊

For as long as I can remember, there has always been a baby blue flower on my bedside table every morning. I have no idea where they come from and, when I asked my mom about it, she always said that I probably put it there and just forgot about it. At first, I was adamant that I had nothing to do with it, but she insisted. After years of being told this, I started believing it myself.

Was I sleepwalking? I had no idea, but it worried me because I knew it wasn’t normal. I tried staying up to catch the culprit multiple times, but sleep always claimed me. As I got older, life started to get harder and I started to forget about them, despite still finding them every morning. I was so focused on other things that the flowers became insignificant to me. I started to ignore them and they started to pile up on the table.

And then, one day, they just stopped. The flowers disappeared and no new ones appeared in their place. I was relieved at first but then I started to feel lonely. It felt like something important was missing from my life. It drove me nuts because I couldn’t figure it out. I became obsessed with trying to remember. My grades started to slip because I skipped class. My friends got tired of asking me to hang out only for me to tell them that I was too busy.

“If you want to be alone that badly, fine!” exclaimed my friend after turning down her invite again. “It takes two people to make a friendship work and I’m tired of chasing you.”

“I never asked you to chase me!” I snapped back.

But my heart ached as she stomped away angrily. For the first time in a long time, I was officially alone and it was my own doing. Why did I say that? Why did I push all of my friends away? I didn’t have an answer and I honestly felt like I was losing my mind but that forgotten memory kept clawing at the edge of my mind. It was just out of reach and every time I got close, it slipped farther away.

Eventually, I was kicked out of university, fired from my job, and kicked out of my apartment. I had to move back in with my mom which I absolutely hated because all we did was argue about the smallest things. No matter how hard I tried, she just knew exactly what buttons to press to upset me and there’s only so much a single sim can take before they blow up.

“Do you think you can manage to clean the attic this time or do I need to ask you five more times?” questioned my mother, giving me an attitude as she headed for the front door.

“I already told you, I didn’t clean it yesterday because I got called in for a job interview,” I replied, trying to keep my annoyance hidden to avoid another fight.

“Which you didn’t even get,” she scoffed, sending me a pitying look. “Try harder.”

I waited until she was out the door before I started to curse, releasing all of my frustration into the universe so it didn’t eat away at me. I had enough of that already.

With a sigh, I headed up into the attic and got to cleaning. I don’t think anyone had been up there in decades because everything was covered with a thick layer of dust. Cobwebs filled every corner and I could only pray to Gleb that there were no spiders lurking in the dark corners, waiting to pounce.

A few hours passed and I was nearly done cleaning when I came across a shoe box. It was shoved into the corner, half hidden beneath an old dresser. As soon as my eyes fell on it, I felt this… overwhelming sadness wash over me and I just wanted to cry. My hands trembled as I reached for the box and it took me a minute to steel myself before I could finally open it.

Inside lay a bunch of photographs. The rubber band that had been holding them together had broken over time, leaving them scattered around the box. I picked up the first one – it was a picture of me at the park, enjoying an ice cream cone despite it being the dead of winter.

I chuckled. Even back then I loved the cold. Some things never change, I guess.

I picked up another photo – it was me and my mom mid-argument. Yeah, some things really never change.

I shook my head, reaching for the third photo – it was a young boy looking for frogs. My brow furrowed in confusion. Who is this? From that angle, I could only just see the side of his face, but that pond… it’s near my house. I used to hang out there when I was younger, talking to the frogs.

Reluctantly, I set the photo down and picked up another – it was me and the young boy, standing side by side with our arms around each other and smiles on our faces.

It hit me like a freight train. Dylan Crowley, the only kid that made an effort to befriend me. He was my best friend, my only friend. The memories came flooding back to me, bringing with them a wave of sadness and pain. I remember now… Dylan died just a couple days shy of his 12th birthday. He drowned in that pond because he jumped in to save me…

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I shakily set the photo down. There was one left and taped to it was a dried, light blue flower. The picture was the two of us again but, this time, he was giving me the flower.

My heart ached as I cried out in pain. How could I have forgotten the most important person in my life?

[wolfnanaki]

Nanaki’s Games of 2024

2024 sure was a year where things happened.

Snark aside, this year was pretty good for gaming overall, so long as you don’t pay attention to the massive layoffs and the steadily growing threat of AI-generated slop. And to celebrate the end of the year and the beginning of a new one, I thought I’d put together what games I played this year.

(For the record, this isn’t an exhaustive list of everything I’ve played, nor is it a list of only 2024 games. It’s the stuff I played this year that I thought was worth talking about.)

20 Small Mazes

I don’t remember when or how I learned about this free indie puzzle game, but I’m glad to have played it. It takes less than an hour to go through all the mazes, but each one has such a vibrant, fun twist to them that I was hoping there would secretly be more mazes after the end. No maze overstays its welcome, you can switch between them whenever you like, and you can easily reset a maze if you get stuck. Give this one a try if you’re looking to chill out for about an hour.

ATLYSS

The word that comes to mind when describing this one is “spunky.” Even in Early Access, Atlyss has a tremendous amount of stuff you can do, and you'll have a wonderful time doing all of it. The character customization options are phenomenal and allow so much room for creativity, and the combat is fast, intuitive, and challenging. It's even better playing with friends, and I've yet to experience any major connection issues during online play. As far as the game's current state goes, there's some temp graphics and it seems there's a cutoff point for content that leaves you wanting more, so hopefully the final release will resolve these.

Awaria

Even though Helltaker is a free game, I never did get around to playing it. Maybe next year. But I did jump into Awaria when it popped up on my Steam recommended feed. It’s a fast-paced resource management game where you must avoid getting killed while giving generators the parts they need when they break down, and the first few levels are tantalizingly easy before the difficulty curve makes itself known. But at that point, the game’s charming visual style, satisfactory gameplay loop, and getting to play as a spunky lesbian smooching ghost girls had already won me over, and I was determined to see the game through.

Bunker Game

This is the definition of “diamond in the rough.” This one-shot, hour-long free game, released in May this year, comes from a solo developer, Eremetic Egghead, emerging from the “HMOFA” threads of 4chan’s /trash/ board. Except rather than being a generic human-on-furry dating sim, it’s an apocalyptic narrative game where two crewmates in an underground bunker reflect on their lives and the lives of the friends they’ve lost over the years.

It has incredibly strong writing, complemented by atmospheric sound effects and a minimalist visual style that heightens the gloomy mood of this game. It left a strong impression on me, and I’m glad that I gave it a chance, and you should too. It can be downloaded for free on itch.io.

Changed

This is an older one that I finally got around to starting but have yet to finish. It has a strong, unabashedly furry vibe to it and has me curious about how its unusual story will conclude, but some of the gameplay challenges were a bit overwhelming and I had to put it down for a while. I’ll get back into this one next year.

Goodbye Volcano High

My 2023 GOTY returns, this time for me to finish getting all of the achievements on Steam. Completing this game has lead me to officially declare it one of my top five games of all time. This strong story, memorable characters, beautiful soundtrack, and emotionally compelling moments are going to stick with me for a long time.

And not to mention the beautiful community that’s grown around it. Me and two of my best friends did a marathon livestream of this game on the 21st of December, reliving our favorite moments, laughing, crying, sharing fond memories of the community, and more. Even though I was ill-prepared for such a long stream, I’m proud to have been a part of this. Love you, dinogang. <3

Hold Onto Mi (Demo)

There has been a steady rise of people, either current or former Snoot Game fans, who have been trying to create a game in the same vein but without the anti-trans baggage of the original. Hold Onto Mi, which had its demo come out back in October, is one such example, and I think this one is going in the right direction. In its current stage, it is leagues better than its inspiration.

The player’s character is Newa, a short-tempered high school boy with a dark past and a good heart hidden inside. The love interest is Madison, a tall triceratops girl who plays basketball and has an unusual fascination with humans. They and the circle of friends that surround them are charming, interesting characters with a lot of depth, and it had many strong, emotional scenes that left me interested in how this story might end. It’s bolstered by a charming art style that makes it stand out with vibrant, expressive characters. I’m keeping my eyes on this one to see how the final story shapes up.

MalOvent (Demo)

You could easily dismiss this visual novel as a “coomer game” featuring a popular furry character. And if you do, I’ll kick your ass.

While MalOvent does feature optional erotic imagery, it also has a standout visual style with great characters and an intriguing story that makes full use of the SCP-1471 lore, something even furries tend to have a hard time doing. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed this one, especially when the legitimate horror elements began to creep in. I look forward to the next major update in early 2025.

Nine Sols

This is one I started but didn’t get very far in. It has a fascinating story, gorgeous visual style and easy to understand gameplay that feels fun, but I think the difficulty of it caught me off guard. I’m going to get back into this one when I find the time.

On Your Tail

To me, the sign of a great game is when you open it up to take a couple of screenshots for a review, and then find yourself logging an extra three hours of gameplay. On Your Tail is one of those games.

The introduction is a slow burn, but once you get started, this game's vibrant world, compelling story, and fun characters sink their teeth into you. There are parts of the late-game story that legitimately surprised me, to my delight. There are a variety of different minigames you can experience, from working part-time jobs to cooking, fishing, stargazing, too many to list in a single review. And they're complemented by the mystery-solving gameplay, which requires you to pay close attention to context clues and think critically about the choices you're making. Granted, some of the very late game mysteries are much harder to wrap your head around, and the game's optimization isn't the best, but none of these flaws were enough to dampen my experience.

This game tries to carefully balance its serious detective story and its cozy slice-of-life gameplay, and I feel that it finds a great medium between the two, making a truly memorable game. (Forgive the pun.)

Portal: Revolution

This Portal 2 prequel continues the time-honored tradition of making Portal tie-in games where the new protagonist accidentally ends up doing far more badass stuff that Chell ever did in the two official games.

Jokes aside, it’s a highly polished and inventive take on the world of Portal with some interesting new characters, challenging puzzle design, and an exciting story. Some of the later puzzles can get frustrating and hard to wrap your head around, but it always felt like it was my fault for not piecing together the solution instead of the game not giving me the necessary information. If you enjoy the Portal games, I recommend giving this one a try.

Puzzle Cube

I got this game for less than a dollar thanks to it being on sale and having a coupon available. After just over an hour of playing, I refunded it.

Puzzle Cube starts off with a simple premise: you have a large, clear box with smaller colored cubes inside, and you have to tilt the box so that the colored cubes line up and disappear. What starts off as a quirky puzzle quickly mutates into a frustrating, boring experience where the solutions are impossible to figure out, leaving you forced to mash keys until something works. All this, while the same song loops forever in the background.

In the end, this game’s two biggest achievements for me were it being the first game I’ve refunded on Steam, and the first game I’ve given a negative review.

qomp

I forget how this one ended up in my Steam library. I think it was from some charity bundle. Anyway, this game has you playing the puck from Pong, navigating a variety of intricate mazes filled with puzzles and obstacles. It can be beaten in a little over an hour – my recorded time is 90 minutes – and it’s overall a mesmerizing experience that I’m glad I experienced. There’s a sequel out, which is on my wishlist.

Shantae and the Pirate's Curse

I originally played this game on my Nintendo 3DS, but this year, I finally went through and beat the game on Steam. I already loved this game, as it was my first Shantae game and is a genuinely fabulous Metroidvania, but kudos to the team behind this game for doing such an excellent job making this game look and play just right for the PC.

Snoot Game: Encore (Demo)

Take one of the worst visual novels to have ever happened. Now make it worse.

Encore gives a big upgrade to the original game’s visuals, but also changes the UI to be more Persona-inspired, leaving it feeling clunky and hard to look at. The quality of its voice acting is all over the place, emphasizing the bland, offensive nature of the original game’s writing. And for the “new” stuff, they tack on a scene where yet another Goodbye Volcano High character is retconned to be cis (Sage, a trans man, is made into a cis woman), with even more of the dull, edgy humor that made the original so insufferable (Sage, instead of being an aspiring chef, is a racist and aspiring rage-bait YouTuber).

How any of this seemed like a good idea is beyond me. How they’re pursuing this and getting paid real money for it is a legal mystery to me too.

Webfishing

There is a pattern in this year’s list of games, which is that a lot of them seemed to have popped out of nowhere and taken up a lot of my time. Webfishing is another one of these titles; everything about it, from its visuals, gameplay, music, and tone of humor, can be summed up as “simple but charming.” It’s easy to get reeled in and spend a few hours with friends fishing, drinking beer, scratching lotto cards, and goofing off. It’s probably one of the few “cozy” sort of games that truly lives up to that ideal.

~

If you reached the end of this, thank you for reading! I hope I’ve given you some insight on the kind of games that click with me and what doesn’t, and maybe even helped you find a new game to try out. I hope you have a wonderful new year!

[soisaidfine]

Ethel Cain: if i didn’t have such a dedicated group of people who like my music, touring would probably be 100 times worse honestly

I'm reblogging here creatospirito's post from the 'ethelcain' reddit. Interesting before the tour (The Childish Behaviour Tour)

"As Hayden's new tour kicks off in a few days, let's remember what she said at the end of her last tour. And let's be kind to her without asking too much from her on stage, as it's not her element. ♡" -Reddit Ethelcain

TUMBLR MOTHERCAIN - OCT 31ST

ANONYMOUS ASKED: do you think in an ideal world you could release an album without touring it or do you like touring until it becomes too much? is it being away from home and not having much time to create the parts you dont enjoy or is it something more than that?

MOTHERCAIN: no i hate touring. i was actually talking about this with florence (FLORENCE WELCH) last time i saw her, she was saying how some artists connect with their art on stage and others connect with it in the studio, which i thought was very interesting. i definitely only connect with it in the studio, when i’m alone and i can be intimate with it. it’s fully just a technical performance on stage. i try to hit the right notes and not look like an idiot and that’s it. i never feel anything in the music on stage which makes it harder than i think it is for artists who get that return of energy instead of just solely expending it. i want to create things in my dark room and put them out for the world to see and never have to go anywhere lol. i’m becoming more of a homebody with every passing year.

i do love my band though. all the time i spend with them is amazing, they’re some of my best friends in the whole world. they make touring worth it.

ANONYMOUS ASKED: you look so happy when you perform though and you seem like you enjoy being there seeing everyone and interacting with them.

MOTHERCAIN: i’m happy to see everyone who comes out to support us. that means a lot to me, i’m very grateful for that. in that other ask, i meant i just don’t connect with the music at all. when i have a room full of people who are all linked by the thread of my music though, that really makes the show for me. if i didn’t have such a dedicated group of people who like my music, touring would probably be 100 times worse honestly.

Video: Florence Welch (Florence and the Machine) and Ethel Cain performing Thoroughfare together, in Lisbon, September 1, 2023, Meo Kalorama Festival. By callmebyourname_ on Instagram.

[duckarchives]

What would be the cod of 2026?

I ended up remembering this after seeing someone freaking out on Twitter because they wanted a ghosts 2. Based on the leaks we have, the next cod will have omninovement and will have maps from mw 3 remastered. Now, what are the possibilities?

First, we need to remember how the development of a cod works. We already know that Activision is the distributor of the games, but the developers are Infinity Ward, Treyarch and Sledgehammer. In the order I wrote it is their development order, each code has 3 years of development, while two are launching their cods, one has its own development time.

But due to Activision's management, this development order became a mess. Before, each developer had its own cod and none of them mixed so as not to interfere with the development of their own game. Now that this is finally explained, let's get to the theories.

1- Modern Warfare 4.

Infinity Ward has always been responsible for the mw franchise, so it's obvious that the next cod will be mw 4. But how are they going to do that? We don't know, to be honest, they're taking this cow called mw and squeezing it to its last breath.

What are your theories? Mine is that they're going to try to add new characters to try to take the story to the original point before mw3 existed, remembering that mw3 only exists because of the mess that Activision caused, originally it would have 3 years of development and would be released in 2025. But since everything was rushed in 2023, they had to put aside the lore they were building to make a shorter and faster one for this DLC disguised as a game.

Is it possible that Soap will come back? No, that skin that people were saying was the Soap from mw4 is actually Soap from zombies that takes place years before mw3.

2- Ghosts 2.

Just like mw, ghosts is an Infinity Ward game, even if they treat it as if it never existed. I think it's unlikely that ghosts will have a sequel, but recently it has gained a certain recognition that it didn't even have when it was released, whether it's new fans discovering Ghosts without having the filter of that era, nostalgic fans emerging or simps (yes, they know you exist).

And in case you didn't know, ghosts exist in the codverse and there are 3 references to them in mw2. (Yes, I'm giving hope to deluded fans, let's put on our clown makeup)

But what would the plot be? They could re-release ghosts so that it fits into the codverso, or maybe risk continuing the plot of the first ghosts, but that could cause some plot holes.

3- Infinite Warfare.

For the same reason as the previous ones, iw is a cod made by infinity ward, but it is also one of the games that the developers want to pretend never existed. This is the hardest to happen in my opinion because it is quite hated by the fans, and to be honest, it is like a game that has the name Call of Duty, but is not a cod.

Well, if it were an original game it would even be famous, but the fact that it has the name Call of Duty ends up creating expectations in the public, this ends up harming iw because it does not follow the same style as other cod.

4- Advanced Warfare.

Even though aw is not a cod by infinity ward, did you know that there are references to it in mw3? The same happens with bo6, in fact it is common to have references to future cods, but not all of them can be taken seriously because ideas can change over time. In this case, these references are in an intel that talks about the protagonist of aw, Mitchell, so maybe this next game could take place before aw?

And a curiosity for you, there was a sequel to aw being made, but it was canceled because Activision realized that the sales of futuristic cods were making less money. But at least they canceled it so that we could have bo6, maybe someday futuristic cods will come back.

[mysticstronomy]

DO SHADOWS APPEAR ON THE MOON'S SURFACE??

Blog#325

Wednesday, August 23rd, 2023

Welcome back,

The moon is utterly familiar. We see it all the time, in the blue sky during the day, among the stars and planets at night. Every child knows the outlines of the moon’s lava seas: they trace the Man in the Moon or, sometimes, a Rabbit.

This familiarity goes beyond appearances. The moon is actually made of Earth. According to modern theories, the moon was born some 4.5 billion years ago when an oversized asteroid struck our planet. Material from Earth itself spun out into space and coalesced into our giant satellite.

Yet when Apollo astronauts stepped out onto this familiar piece of home, they discovered that it only seems familiar. From the electrically-charged dust at their feet to the inky-black skies above, the moon they explored was utterly alien.

On the next sunny day, step outdoors and look inside your shadow. It’s not very dark, is it? Grass, sidewalk, toes–whatever’s in there, you can see quite well.

Your shadow’s inner light comes from the sky. Molecules in Earth’s atmosphere scatter sunlight (blue more than red) in all directions, and some of that light lands in your shadow. Look at your shadowed footprints on fresh sunlit snow: they are blue!

Without the blue sky, your shadow would be eerily dark, like a piece of night following you around. Weird. Yet that’s exactly how it is on the Moon.

To visualize the experience of Apollo astronauts, imagine the sky turning completely and utterly black while the sun continues to glare.

Your silhouette darkens, telling you “you’re not on Earth anymore.”

Shadows were one of the first things Apollo 11 astronaut Neil Armstrong mentioned when he stepped onto the surface of the moon. “It’s quite dark here in the shadow [of the lunar module] and a little hard for me to see that I have good footing,” he radioed to Earth.

The Eagle had touched down on the Sea of Tranquility with its external equipment locker, a stowage compartment called “MESA,” in the shadow of the spacecraft.

Although the sun was blazing down around them, Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin had to work in the dark to deploy their TV camera and various geology tools.

“It is very easy to see in the shadows after you adapt for a while,” noted Armstrong. But, added Aldrin, “continually moving back and forth from sunlight to shadow should be avoided because it’s going to cost you some time in perception ability.”

Truly, moon shadows aren’t absolutely black. Sunlight reflected from the moon’s gently rounded terrain provides some feeble illumination, as does the Earth itself, which is a secondary source of light in lunar skies. Given plenty of time to adapt, an astronaut could see almost anywhere.

Almost. Consider the experience of Apollo 14 astronauts Al Shepard and Ed Mitchell:

They had just landed at Fra Mauro and were busily unloading the lunar module. Out came the ALSEP, a group of experiments bolted to a pallet. Items on the pallet were held down by “Boyd bolts,” each bolt recessed in a sleeve used to guide the Universal Handling Tool, a sort of astronaut’s wrench. Shepard would insert the tool and give it a twist to release the bolt–simple, except that the sleeves quickly filled with moondust. The tool wouldn’t go all the way in.

The sleeve made its own little shadow, so “Al was looking at it, trying to see inside. And he couldn’t get the tool in and couldn’t get it released–and he couldn’t see it,” recalls Mitchell.

“Remember,” adds Mitchell, “on the lunar surface there’s no air to refract light–so unless you’ve got direct sunlight, there’s no way in hell you can see anything. It was just pitch black. That’s an amazing phenomenon on an airleuss planet.”

(Eventually they solved the problem by turning the entire pallet upside down and shaking loose the moondust. Some of the Boyd bolts, loosened better than they thought, rained down as well.)

Originally published on universetoday.com

COMING UP!!

(Saturday, August 26th, 2023)

"WHAT IS THE GREAT SILENCE??"

[avastrasposts]

Some end of year mush for my readers

Below is a longer message that’s more personal so I’ll hide that below the cut for anyone who’s not interested. But before I get to that I just wanted to send a message to all of those who have read my fics this past year. You’re often a bit more anonymous to me than the people I count as friends, but that’s only because I don’t know you yet (seriously, come yell in my inbox, that’s how all friendships here start!).

But I see you all, whether you’re liking your way through 300k+ words of The Pilot and his Girl or just randomly reblogging something short I wrote back in March, I see and appreciate you all. I love hearing what you think about what you’ve read, but if you’re more comfortable just reblogging or liking, that’s more than fine. But I do really notice and appreciate all of you who read and react what I publish. I hope my stories bring a little bit of entertainment and distraction from whatever else your life is. The responses you’ve all given me, it really means the world. Love you all ❤

/M

So to the more personal message.

I want to send a little message out (who am I kidding, I’m unable to keep things short) at the end of the year and tell you all what a difference some things make. But first, to be honest, I haven’t had a very difficult year, I’m ridiculously privileged, and I try to remember and appreciate that. I count my blessings because life hasn’t always been this easy. But I think it makes me notice the difference small actions make, how one act of kindness really creates ripple effects. 

I know others have had very real struggles in 2023 and have overcome, or are still struggling with, real issues and this year has given me the opportunity to see how much of a difference a small online community can make. I appreciate and love everyone of you who has had the guts to open up when things are tough and ask for help, who opened their (digital) arms and inboxes and wanted to help, genuinely help, those who were struggling, by sending a friendly message, by understanding and responding, offering to help, to let them know that they’re not alone. And to let us all have a safe space online where we can be as weird and sad and irrational and deluded (and horny) as we want. 

I know all fandoms have drama but the amount of nice people I’ve met on Tumblr this year by far outweighs any drama. For 99.9% of us, Pedro should be so lucky to have us as his fans! I feel like the goodness that he seems to spread, is emulated among those who go slightly feral (in the best possible way) for him. 

I’ve been fortunate enough to have made a small group of friends this year in the fandom, and these past few months with you guys (you know who you are), have been the best. You’ve made me laugh and cry (and stress out over how the hell I’m supposed to read all of your amazing fics!). I’m constantly amazed by how supportive and kind you are, how, by pure chance, we all stumbled into each other's paths at just the right time and how we now just seem to fit together. Whether it’s about how we’re going to survive the release of Gladiator 2 (seriously, we’re going to need a phone chain or something for welfare checks….) or how to handle any number of just “life” things that we all have to combat. You lot are always there with sage advice, supportive words and encouragement in a way I’ve never experienced with a group of friends before. Seriously, you’re all the best and I’m so happy to be your friend. 

And here's my our sweet Pedro just because this man somehow inspired me to write so many words this year...

[jmdbjk]

So I'm writing this because of a convo with my bestie who said:

"Ferg, have you considered writing a blog addressing the wrong headed assumption that the members were "forced" to create the Festa content that we got today? How the people pushing that agenda are not looking at what was happening in their lives at the time said content was filmed. They always want us to have pictures and music at Festa. They WANT to create that content. If they were "forced" it wasn't by the company, it was by the calendar and the government. With no (military) exemption, they understood that the only time to come up with OT7 music or pictures was before mid December (2022). And drilling down, the only time was in October. RIGHT when they hit the final acceptance that they would all start enlisting and the foreseeable future was actually not foreseeable at all. Their hearts were extra heavy that within a few weeks they would say goodbye to Jin. Yoongi was dealing with severe writers block and, I think, feeling guilty that he was going to miss his deadline for the first time EVER. RM was working toward the release of Indigo. Kookie was looking at heading to Qatar. Yada yada. So with all that....they had to try and look light hearted. They didn't. The anxious vibes come right off the screen. We all feel it but many are not interpreting it right. You know, the ones who already are quick to blame everything on the company."

Or the ones who only view everything through a shipper or solo lens and say the guys hate each other.

The members, who filmed this video months ago, filmed this with pure sincerity and love for us knowing they would not all be available to do anything for us for their 10th Anniversary Festa in June 2023. How must that have felt to them? To know that their milestone 10th Anniversary would not play out like they had envisioned way back in 2020? They thought they'd start enlisting by the end of 2020 and be finished with MS by now, so they'd be together in 2023. They had to try to come up with something spectacular for us and for themselves so that 3 years after that hot mess, we could celebrate with them. They deserve to celebrate themselves as well, they worked so hard over the past ten years.

Its the end of 2022. They looked a little tired. We know 2022 had some heartbreaking moments for them. By this time they were juggling their own projects AND the Busan concert preparation.

Hobi was ever-present sunshine, yet maybe he had a lot on his mind? Was he already thinking about his next projects and starting to contemplate an earlier than planned enlistment? We know Yoongi was trying to put finishing touches on D-Day. We know Jimin was working on at least one collab as well as his own MV concepts and promotion activities for Face and working out details for his fashion ambassadorships. Tae was busy exploring new things with fashion brands and tv shows. RM was finalizing his Indigo promotions. Jin was about to announce his enlistment plans. JK was prepping for Qatar. And here they were thinking ahead to June 2023.

I think they filmed this Festa video within days of the Busan concert. Either before or after. Remember we had a VHopeKookMin live right after the concert. I would also venture to say they also filmed this the same day as the Festa photoshoot (Love Myself campaign promo released end of November 2022):

Yet they still thoughtfully planned and executed things to be released for Festa. Concepts were conceptualized and the company took it from there and we see they've done a great job procuring deep-pocketed sponsors.

I don't understand the whole "they need to go start their own label" mindset either. I've already said it several times... they already did that, it's called BigHit Music. If BTS don't re-sign a contract its because they are retiring from releasing music. What IS plausible is a member or two starting an independent label for other up-and-coming artists so they can write and/or produce for them... all still under the HYBE umbrella.

During this solo era, I want to say things like "I think we can all agree ... [insert almost anything]" but I can't say that these days because, in my opinion, the fandom (on Twitter and other soc med platforms) has fractured into so many different factions who seem to spend a lot of time pitting themselves against other parts of the fandom for everything and anything they can find to nitpick, criticize, compare and compete with, to be angry about, that no one agrees on anything. This member is better than that member or ... and this one galls me... the company is forcing them to do this or that OR [insert member's name] sabatoged [insert other member's name].

Twitter Army yelling at Weverse Army "YOU'RE NOT DOING IT RIGHT!" Who designated Twitter Army as the dictator of all things BTS?

People berating others for not streaming the music, or trying to humiliate followers into streaming 'CORRECTLY'. The conspiracy theorists–don't get me started on that. The dissatisfaction with how the solo projects have rolled out. The constant comparison and competition of which member has the most streams in a certain time frame, who has the most songs on the chart for the longest, fastest, more countries, more collabs, more awards...whatever... It's all "my way or the highway/[member name] is the best" and it is really disappointing and tiresome to see the enormous waste of energy.

And if you are still reading, I am totally on board with what another blogger said the other day about how the entire Kpop fandom has this Kpop culture mindset deeply rooted in their way of thinking. It colors their view of EVERYTHING: that artists are treated badly by their record labels/entertainment companies to the point of being physically abused, artists are not paid well, artists are forced to do things and play roles... adhere to strict rules, etc.. because that's how the oldest companies started and some are still operating today (looking at you SM Entertainment).

That "business model" may have been "the way" in the beginning of the kpop industry because no one stood up and called them out on it. So people have come to think EVERY entertainment company operates that way when we've been shown and told over and over by many HYBE employees that its a great place to work. MANY people OUTSIDE the company, staff and other people in the music industry including other artists are blown away at the innovation and forward thinking of the company and we've even heard the members themselves say that they love their company.

Of course no company is perfect, there will be mistakes made, bad decisions, wrong projections, etc. but out of all the entertainment companies, BigHit, Bang PD and BTS have strived to change the system from the start and our own "fans" are being brainless shitheads and talking trash.

Also, HYBE can't come over here to the United States and start auditioning young people for new groups if they are operating like SM Entertainment. That shit ain't gonna fly over here. You'll have a lawsuit in a blink of an eye as soon as someone gets a whiff of sexual harassment or physical abuse of a minor. A carefully built and protected reputation would be ruined, not just Hybe's but BTS's and every other artist under Hybe's labels as well.

Yes, some things we've seen make us scratch our heads... the tight back to back release of Jimin and Yoongi's work had us all wondering what happened. Yes, Jimin's very abbreviated promotion period for Face was frustrating and disappointing. But no one knows what went on behind the scenes. If neither Jimin or Yoongi comes out and tells us what happened then I will just move forward like they are. If either of them made a mistake, we might not ever know of it, but they will correct it going forward. If the company was the one who miscalculated, they too will correct that in the future. We can call it out when we see it happening but there is no reason to dwell on it. I don't see anything positive or productive about the continued pointing fingers to blame, holding grudges and continuing to speak negatively when it's plain the members of BTS love us, work hard to show us that and deserve only to see our love reflecting back at them.

Ok so I've ranted long enough.

[Public Service Announcement: if I don't talk enough about your favorite member, or if I don't say things you want to hear about whatever is your hill you chose to die on, there is a block button way up there and also this nifty thing you can do called "scroll" that lets you ... wait for it... scroll! past my blog post so you don't have to expose yourself to my words. Its not that hard. Really. Otherwise, its all on you.]

[seoul-bros]

Namjoon's Adventures in the Big Smoke

Our beautiful alien looking pleased in polaroid with a backdrop of the London skyline.

He's been following in Blur's footsteps for his Sunday walk.

"Says let's take a drive to Primrose Hill, It's windy there and the view's so nice"

He shared excerpts from the book he's been reading.

Photo I

Thoughts weren't something I could own. As soon as you wake up in the morning, tell yourself, "I shouldn't think about anything today." As soon as you say that, it's too late. The idea came to mind already! Thoughts just come to mind.

Thought comes out of nothing and goes back to nothing. Like a cloud passing across an empty sky, thoughts only pass, and there is no staying. If you don't believe and stick to ideas as if they're true, the idea itself has no harm. People often say what they think, but in fact no one can control their thoughts. I don't try to be free of thoughts. When I deal with my thoughts with understanding, thoughts liberate me.

Photo 2

We are love. That's a foregone conclusion we can't do anything about. Love is our nature. You don't have to make up a story. When we recognize ourselves as we are, we are filled with 'love' without having to find someone far away. The stories we made up.

In fact, to be honest, you can't love anyone completely. You just love the story you made up about them.

Photo 3

I don't want people to recognize me. I just want everyone to think the way they want to. That's love. Trying to manipulate and change someone is like insulting their mind.

I can't control other people's thoughts on my own. It's you who can't help thinking about yourself. No one can change the course of thought at will. The idea is like a room with countless mirrors. Trying to gain the other person's recognition means being trapped in one mirror: 'This is who I am.' What a trifling restraint.

Translation from Twitter Link

He is also taking advice from Bernie Mac.

Instagram Post

Finally, it seems like a good time to remember and celebrate RM releasing his mixed tape Mono five years ago today (SK time).

Twitter Link

Post Date: 22/10/2023

[markantonys]

Another take it with a grain of salt update from WoT Up, but he's saying a March or April release for s3!

oh! i feel like his "an amazon insider told me a leak about this studio-related information" leaks are the most unreliable of all his genres of leak haha so for my own peace of mind i will continue 100% assuming september 2025 until and unless i hear official news otherwise, and will also make this post unrebloggable so no one can yell at me for spreading false hope if it turns out to be wrong jkdfg

but let's think about this hypothetically! i do remember at a relatively recent interview (might've been the FYC panel back in the spring) rafe said something about seasons coming out "18 months to 2 years apart" which DID kinda set off my "could s3 be coming earlier?" bells a little since if the plan was september again then why wouldn't he have just said "2 years apart"?

i was also wondering recently since i was reading up on past ROP production timelines and was surprised to learn that for s2, they started filming in october 2022, aka AFTER the current season had aired, and still got the season out a little less than 2 years later, end of august 2024. similarly, s2 is almost done airing and they haven't yet started filming s3*. this is quite a contrast to WOT starting filming s3 in spring 2023, 6 months BEFORE the currently-upcoming season would air and 2.5 years before a september 2025 airdate for the currently-filming season. so if you look at it that way, it could be entirely possible that they're trying to move WOT onto a spring schedule instead, either a permanent every-other-spring schedule to replace the current every-other-fall, or a permanent every-18-months instead of every-2-years.

(WOT s2 also started filming before s1 had aired, i believe, but s1's entire production schedule was so fucked and all-over-the-place because of covid and i think cast & crew have mentioned that even s2 filming got hampered by covid to a greater extent than we might think, so it's not the most useful for production schedule comparisons.)

(*on a similar note, the strikes must've had major ripple effects through the industry that are still manifesting now, so it's impossible to say whether ROP s3 not appearing that close to production yet is intentional or a result of the strikes. it would be equally fruitless to try guessing at what a spring airdate for WOT s3 might mean about the fate of s4. but i'm not going to worry that WOT s3 starting to air without s4 being underway yet Must Mean the show is cancelled, because we're seeing now with ROP s2 & s3 that that isn't at all the case! s2 is almost done airing, and not only is there no s3 filming start date in sight, i don't think they've even officially announced that s3 is happening! although the showrunners have unofficially said so. thus, i think we still have a pretty long time before we have any real cause to start getting nervous about WOT s4.)

oh, and my final musing is that i'd wondered before if fallout could perhaps be joining WOT and ROP in the category of prime's big-budget long-time-to-make scifi/fantasy shows. if so, then maybe they're wanting to get 3 shows rotating every 6 months with 1.5 years between each season of the same show, rather than 2 shows rotating every year with 2 years between each season. again, even if they did have a plan like this in mind (which, who knows), there's no telling how the strikes might have affected it, but it's an interesting possibility to ponder.

[celticcrossanon]

BRF Reading - 7th of August, 2023

This is speculation only

Cards drawn on the 7th of August, 2023

What does Camilla want?

This reading is driven by the frustration of seeing yet another "Sant Camilla the Victim" article via one of her family members, so my apologies if that frustration leaks through into my interpretation of the cards.

Note: I turned all the cards upright for this reading, to clear any old energies out of the deck, so there are no reversals in this reading.

Interpretation: Camilla wants to replace Princess Diana and be the one who glows brightly in people's hearts and minds.

Card One: The Nine of Wands.

This is a card of making one last effort to achieve your goals. It speaks of persistence, perseverance, being absolutely exhausted but pulling yourself up for one final effort to achieve your goals.

The suit of wands here is giving me PR energy.

There has been a long campaign conducted via PR to rehabilitate Camilla in the eyes of the general public. It has worked somewhat in the past, but at the moment we are having 'Saint Camilla' shoved down our throats and it is not working. People know her past. They lived through her past. When they call her an adulterer, they are not calling her names but speaking the truth. When they call her Charles's mistress, they are not being mean but speaking the truth. Her past is known, and trying to change what happened in that past is telling people that what they saw and read at the time was not true and didn't exist, and that is gaslighting, and people do not appreciate it. We know what happened.

Camilla's past is like one of the rocks in the picture on the card, and her current attempts at rewriting that past are the other rock, and she is going to be squished in between them like the unlucky boats that tried to pass through the rocks. She can defend her actions all she wants through PR. People made up their mind about her a long time ago and all this current PR push is doing is annoying everyone who knows otherwise and alienating people who might otherwise be sympathetic towards her. A past mistress who hung on, married the man, and then rode out the wave of bad press by keeping her head down and doing some good work is acceptable. Rewriting that person as a mix of Her Late Majesty, the best girl boss to ever boss, and a sad victim of circumstances is not acceptable (or even logical). I feel that the palace is going to persist in this PR, and I don't think it will work.

Card Two: The Queen of Cups.

This card represents a Cancer person. It can be Camilla or Diana, both Cancers, but here it is giving me Princess Diana energy. Diana's story is written and finished, and it annoys Camilla no end that she can't change that story and eliminate Diana from the history of the BRF. Camilla wants to be the victim, not Diana, Camilla wants to have the sympathy and love of the people, not Diana, Camilla wants to be the one people remember and mourn for 30, 40, 50 years after her death, not Diana. The energy of this card is of a very emotional Camilla trying to shove Diana out of the picture, and Diana is firm on her throne and won't be shoved out of the way.

I feel that Camilla has never let go of Diana, that she lives in Diana's shadow even though no one else is comparing them or even thinking about Diana when they are around Camilla, and that Camilla brings Diana with her as a constant third person in her marriage. The solution is for Camilla to stop embracing the lesser qualities of the Queen of Cups (needy, dependent, making herself out to be a victim, super sensitive) and to embrace the higher qualities of the cards (compassion for Diana and for herself and her role in the tragedy, to view Diana with warmth and kindness instead of seeing her as the eternal competition, to heal/release herself from whatever complex she has about Diana and to let Diana go).

Card Three: The Star

The Star is a card of hope and faith. It can mean having your wishes come true. It can also mean literally wanting to be a star. In its lesser energy it speaks of despondence, negativity, and a lack of faith.

The energy I get from this card is that Camilla wants to be the star. In her mind she has done her time, she is now Queen, she may not like the job but she wants all eyes upon her and everyone paying attention to her when she walks into a room. She wants to be the shining light that everyone looks up to and admires, and it would be all her dreams coming true of that was to happen. However, that is not happening, and Camilla is upset over that (hence the PR campaign to gaslight a nation).

I feel that Camilla is very despondent that Diana is still very much alive in people's minds, still shining her warmth after all these years, still spoken about and adored so many years after her death, instead of fading away into a quiet obscurity and letting Camilla have centre stage. Camilla is doing her best to outshine Diana and it is not really working, and she knows it.

The advice to Camilla here from the cards is to give up and stop hoping for the impossible. She needs to create other dreams for herself, dreams that can come true, and pursue those. Camilla has many earthly blessings and she should focus on those, be grateful for those, and continue to use those blessings to help others instead of clinging to the past and trying to win a popularity contest against a memory.

Underlying Energy: The Seven of Cups.

The Seven of Cups is a card of possibilities - some good, some bad, some realistic, and some not realistic. You have to make a choice about which of the many possibilities in your life you are going to focus on and try to manifest in this world. It can be a card of illusions, as some of the cups contain goals that you will never be able to manifest, and the energy of this card in this reading is just that: someone is trying to manifest an illusion and is ignoring the other practical things that are available for manifestation.

Camilla is trying to manifest an illusion. This may be because she lacks a real purpose in her life, or because she is emotionally attached to this illusion (Cups are emotions), or because of some other reason. She either won't be able to manifest her illusion, or the manifestation will be torn apart by its first contact with reality (as happens with all illusions).

The message from the card is to let go of the illusion, choose a solid/practical/realistic goal, and put in the hard work to make it a reality (as Psyche completed hard tasks for Aphrodite in order to be reunited with her husband Eros, as referenced by the image on the card). If Camilla does this, she may very well find that her hard work is noticed and appreciated and that it brings her some of the attention and acceptance that she seems to want.

Conclusion:

Camilla wants to be loved/admired/adored and she is using PR in final attempt to achieve this. I don't think the PR will work as it ignores certain hard facts that everyone knows about her.

I feel that Camilla is almost haunted by the memory of Princess Diana and her popularity. She wants to push Diana out of the way and take Diana's throne/place in people's hearts and minds, instead of letting go of Diana and creating her own place/throne in the minds of the general public, which she could do by choosing an achievable goal and putting in the hard work to make it happen/manifest. Instead, she is trying to create an illusion where she is the victim/martyr of the situation who has risen to the heights through the power of true love and who is now the best girl boss to ever boss, which somehow is a good thing, while also being exactly the same as the late Queen? (Her PR makes no sense to me so it is hard for me to summarise it.)

The illusion will not work and Camilla would be better off putting all this effort into dealing with her Diana complex and getting on with her life. She can't change the past but she can make her image better by her choices in the future (and at the moment she is making all the wrong choices that will not achieve her goal).