#trying to get back on the grind though
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Abigail Hobbs
#hannibal#abigail hobbs#i just finished season 1#but I got banned from watching it#trying to get back on the grind though#funni art
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Hey chat, I'm back 🧍🏻 And with a Treebros collab mwahahahaha (of that one meme)
Collab with my gf @devildarling08 💙 They drew Connor and I drew Evan, ofc. We had been wanting to do this one for like a few months now but just a week ago finally got ourselves to do it
Here's the full version of my drawing too 🤸🏻
I drew a ton of details in the background and didn't want them to be left unseen 🫶
#sorry for not posting for like two weeks 😔 I haven't been drawing as much#I'm trying to get back on the drawing grind though#I've got like four unfinished drawings rn so I'll try to finish them this week 🤸🏻#deh#dear evan hansen#deh fanart#dear evan hansen fanart#treebros fanart#treebros#treebros deh#convan#💙🖤#evan hansen#connor murphy#digital art#fanart#artists on tumblr
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I am so beyond ready to quit this job. Wednesday cannot come fast enough.
#to be fair it's bc school starts again in a few weeks#but idk. every day at this office feels like sandpaper on my skin. people always ask me shit i dont understand#and every case is so individual there's no set checklist to follow to troubleshoot#so most of the time I just grind my gears and get stuck#it'd busy more days than not.#and it was advertised to me as data entry only. client interactions was not what i signed up for.#it's all client interaction.#we're short staffed so nobody gets to take the back office and have a break.#when we weren't short staffed i was the new guy and only got 1 day in the back a week while everyone else got 2.#all my coworkers are conservative but talk like they're apolitical.#i thought it'd be fulfilling bc im helping people get benefits#but many are rude or impatient as any other service job. I'm constantly trying to direct people that don't want to listen#or explain the intricacies of something i barely understand.#and i don't want to lead people astray bc you have to start over if you blow a deadline.#but there's just nothing redeeming that i enjoy.#i hate customer service. i hate constantly asking questions. i like seldom few of my coworkers.#i can't be me at work.#and i don't care about the work itself anymore.#this job made me cry every day for weeks last month from sheer stress and overstimulation.#i almost cried myself sick several times.#the only reason I'm not there anymore is bc i dont fucking care anymore.#it took me 2 months to burn out. 2 months!#i was training for half of that!!#idk. everyone decided i was smart and could pick it up quickly so. even though everyone else got 4-6 weeks of shadowing#you can make do with 3 before you start doing stuff solo.#which feels unfair. i wasn't ready for it. and i resent the decision quite a bit.#plus it's been a nightmare for me in terms of external stressors and my generally deteriorating mental health. so.#all in all. i hate it here.#and i can't wait to turn in my notice so i can gtfo in 2 weeks#i am so tired. free me. let me go back to my music please
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koish day
#touhou#koishi komeiji#my art#oughh june had a lot of touhou calendar prompts i wanted to do but i was hit by a bad art slump#i want to try and get back onto that grind though#anyways i like how this one turned out!#my art's never really felt 'finished' to me so i'm trying to get to that level#it'll take a bit more work i think but that's art for you
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it's literally not a good idea in any way shape or form but I want to get a second job in fast food
#it's not a good idea bc the wages are GARBAGE compared to retail#Macca's base rate for my age is less than half my sunday rate#and they don't get much beyond the base rate#whereas retail we have an incredible base rate AND more weekdays past 6pm and weekends (sat is the same as mon-fri 6pm#and sunday is significantly more)#and like yeah im not getting many shifts but if i were to ask for more I still wouldn't be able to work more than 4 hour shifts til july#bc my retail corporation is surprisingly ethical and extends the age limits by a lot#whereas my friend has a 7.5 half hour shift tomorrow AFTER school. on a week night 😁#which is actually horrifying and should nawwt be legal. thats school 9-3 (+20 min) then work 4-11:30 btw#like i should just wait til my birthday in july n ask for more shifts in retail but i want to try fast food#even though the pay is incredibly ridiculously bad (<10 AUD) (yes our adult minimum wage is a good ~23 but under 21 is a percentage of that#like the pay is so bad so i would earn the same or more doing wayy less hours than retail#but i kinda want to get the fast food experience bc it'll be more difficult to get hired as i age#bc i want to save up 20k for top surgery but at the rate im going it'll be difficult to have even thay#let alone savings after top surgery or money to get a car before#and as school gets more difficult it'll be harder to work more#so maybe i should just grind for a few months or til the end of the year then go back to retail exclusively?#and enjoy higher pay and some longer shifts?#but idkkk it's just such a dilemma bc i want more shifts than I'll get at retail but fast food pays so little#but i also really want the experience and to just try it out#im gonna. idk im gonna sit on it for a bit bc i want to get my legal name change sorted before i apply to any second jobs and that will#take a while#so i shall consider. draw up a timetable. write a pros and cons list#yes that sounds like a solid plan#whoop typo but im on mobile i meant 'wayy less hours IN retail'
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Aw HELL YEAH, BABYYY
#what I have learned from this whole process are the worst synthesis mats to grind#honorary mention to Mythril Shards from the sheer amount#3rd place - Mystery Goo (annoying back and forth- getting crits is hard even with divine rose - their stone form sucks and how they group)#2nd place - Serenity Power (just takes so many attempts and precision)#1st place - Power Stone (those monkeys terrify me)#this now makes 2/3 possession of the Ultima Weapon in the mainline games! :D#KH2 is the only one left- gives me an excuse to play it again hehehe#gonna try to beat up some of the superbosses in KH1 first though#I've only attempted Sephiroth and the clock tower guy#I was doing okay at Sephiroth until he did his weird insta death move and then I stared at the screen like a gaping fish#clock tower guy I know you're supposed to cast stop on the clock but I have no idea how to actually damage the guy fndksks#so yeah wahoo here we go#kh1#kingdom hearts
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Firepox just doesn't have the same ring to it
Bonus:
#is this something#sorry if quality makes it hard to read#just looking thru some jesper chapters trying to make sure the quotes were right is causing me literal mental illness#also reminding me of inej and jesper's friendship and kaz and jesper's more messed up friendship and jesper and matthias's budding friendsh#which was cut tragically short#also reminding me how much less focus wylan gets in the series as a whole at the detriment of his character lol lol lol#saw the sticky notes i made for the bfwp my brain is back on the grind it has marinated i am ready to write this stupid fucking thing#if leigh bardugo won't write sufficient information about wylan then i fucking will#rn though jesper on my fucking brain.#jesper fahey#kaz brekker#six of crows#soc#tgt#six of crows memes#soc shitpost
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FUN FACT.
We may not know if the skylanders characters (especially kaos and glumshanks) have full names or not. But Spyro does have a middle name.
But Furyne? Furyne might have a full name. Let's just say its...
Felicity "Furyne" Felidae
#Skylanders oc#skylanders#furyne#but yeah what is kaos' last name anyway even though his first name might be steve?#my god ill try to watch more skylanders academy tomorrow im getting back on that grind#KAOS I LOVE YOU /P
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Need someone to make a “you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me” meme but with old school runescape
#GOD it was such a ride#my first ever account got hacked by someone who was doing that ‘runescape censors your password even if you type it backwards’ scam lol#another time i got scammed in a trade#someone pretended they were going to give me this whole set of armour in exchange for some gems i had#then took them back at the last second so i lost my gems#it was just uncut emeralds but i was really upset about it#i hadn’t figured out what to do with them yet so i thought they were valuable#some people there were SUPER nice though#i remember cutting down some trees on a new account; trying to get my woodcutting skill up#and a level 3 person with the default avatar walked up and started cutting down a yew tree. i & everyone else around was shook#someone said like ‘yo are you a bot or an alt or something’ and he said ‘oh i just don’t train combat. i don’t find it interesting’#he had like level 70 in woodcutting and a lot of others but never did combat#i also befriended somebody who was way higher level than me just randomly and we used to talk whenever we were both online lol#i complimented her ‘socks’ (actually boots) and she straight up showed me the dungeon you can go through to get them#which was awesome#and then when the grand exchange opened i lost like a weekend of my life#i was always getting nerfed by random events as well. that was the other thing#i really miss it sometimes. i don’t miss how grindy it was though#i think that was why i liked to train combat. it felt like less of a grind because you could break it up by picking up loot and organising#your loot. i used to always train prayer by burying the bones as well lol#on my best account i had probably level 20 prayer due to this#tl;dr you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me (2006 runescape)#personal
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Had a bad day at work today ... x__x...
#Atleast I'm home now but ........ ×_× ...#Back at it again tomorrow ... and don't have a day off until next Friday... ughhhh#The long long hours are what's grinding the shit out of my psyche#I think I've worked about 90 hours without a break day insofar. My heads so fucked#I'm set to work like another 60 hours until I get a day off so like.. almost 150hrs without a day off.#It hurts a lot. I wish I could confidently get another job that doesn't suck shit like these hours do#I don't even know what that'd look like without being underpaid. My job is technically easy#It just hurts my head to have to do it for so long#It feels like either 'get paid a lot to do stupid bullshit for a lot of hours' or 'get underpaid to do less stupid bullshit for less time'#And sometimes the less stupid bullshit is harder work. Yknow what I mean#Like I'd care about it more depending on what it is. But sometimes it's even harder than what I'm doing now#I don't know though. But if I never try ill never know#But it's also like. That's a big leap to take for someone who doesn't have a safety net out here#And my problem is... I don't even know where I'd go to have that safety net.#I don't think it exists for me anymore. When I went homeless it got better and I wouldn't change it#But it also means building back everything I lost. It sometimes feels impossible even though it isnt#But .... God. I wish I just had a place I could trust fall like I want to and feel OK with if it falls through#Like I'm not going to go homeless again sorta way. Like my cats have a place to live.#I don't know what I'd do if I lost the ability to house my animals. I'd be so fucked
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I have a lot mixed feelings about the second part of the event.
#it's both good and bad feelings#warning for spoilers below about story so i will take about the grinding stages first#bad: i'm going to strangle cherry with my own hands#what do you MEAN he heals 50% of his hp after his passive aoe hits#excuse my language but what the FUCK#thought second grinding stage would be as easy as first grinding stage but nooooo#as expected of the man who took 120+ pulls and refused to come home#okay story spoilers below proceed with caution#good: i adore loulan's main story a lot; the concept of evil and good which gets blurrier the more someone tries to differiate them is hnggg#also the fact that dongbi is obsessed with catching a-yu is because a-yu is what he wants to be but could never become#a fugitive who fights for his own principles in the shadows; someone who doesn't think twice before following what he thinks is right#he envies that a-yu has the freedom to do what he wants so he's desperately trying to capture him in order to prove to himself that#the path he walked down was right.... even though that costed him so many things.... too many things#meanwhile a-yu envies that dongbi has an identity; a set of principles that he will stick to no matter what#everything a-yu ever wanted was lost in that fire so he has nothing left to fight for#the thrills of theiving and the amusement of this cat and mouse chase is only to distract him from the fact that he will never get-#-what he truly wants for they've long slipped out of his grasp before he realised how truly precious they were to him#ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh god i love this event so much it's so good#please read the story with cn dubbing for full immersion it's so so good#now back to the grind for a-yu and shifu#tale of food#the tale of food#▪︎ edits#cherry biluo
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yapping aimlessly tonight
#jaerambles#i just have a lot in my brain!!#anyway i keep getting asked what i would want to do in an ideal situation. if money and time and stuff were no object#i really do think it would be just aimless learning.#like learning new crafts. reading without having to respond to it. sponging up knowledge without the expectation to Say Things#it feels a bit. selfish.#but i don’t really have an endpoint to reach nor do i have something to say. like i just want to acquire experiences and learn things#i get really nervous when people ask me what makes me happy because i don’t know. i know what makes me uncomfortable and scared though#i would also like the ability to just change my situation a lot as much as i want. moving to new places and leaving when i don’t like them#trying new professions without having to stick to them or work up a ladder#drop everything for a weekend to go see friends. things like that.#i say all these things as though i haven’t been too afraid to leave my house for the past 6 months djfjdjfjdjfjjd#i’m trying to be less avoidant lately though. like ideal situations are not my reality!#real life is me being too scared to think of possibilities so in reality i just have to take the tiniest steps back to normalcy#ppl with the jae lore remember when my commute to school was literally 5000 miles#or when i worked two jobs and was so about the grind because i had a reason to want the money#like i used to have So much going on. and now i don’t. and i don’t know what i am in the absence of being Busy#there’s still so much i don’t understand abt bpd1 i’m so scared of making changes too suddenly because i HATE who i was in august#or not who i was. what i was doing.#but now i’ve swung the other direction and i do nothing 😭 i don’t feel like i’m Living rn#i feel like i’ve started all over again. i almost had it i was gonna do two internships and keep doing my cute little barista job#and have a senior year that was gonna be about growing and finishing strong#and then of course my maladjusted ass sees [irreversible change event] and like. yknow#this keeps. happening to me. i want to be so much better than this 😭😭😭
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Just some rathalos farming clip cause i liked how it ended. Also displays my playstyle well
#ignore the fact im fighting with blast weapons i know im a fuckin idiot but i didnt want to farm zinogre#monster hunter#monster hunter rise#switchaxe power morphs my beloved#invincible gambit by beloved#as you can see i tank hits and whack shit#iz what i do#im replayin rise on my PlayStation for better graphics and gotta try and get back to whatever hr i was at on switch#cause i really wanna play sunbreak on PlayStation#and if that means i gotta re-grind everything then so be it#even though i could just boot it up on my switch#i wont#cause graphics#i like playstation a LOT#and man did i forget how funnswitchaxe was hehe#i play dual blades on world#and bowgun in mhgu#though im still findin what weapon i wanna main in the older titles#those are so much harder#but rise is easy breezy vibe mode#so im grindin it#might go back to world and finish up iceborne hopefully#gonna *try* and solo rise all the way into sunbreak#no guarantee the elder dragons will go well#but i beat nergigante so i got this!#ive done it before with shyker’s help#and i can DO IT AGAIN
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.
#tag talk#as much as I hate to see the social cinema grow as I get new followers. we're at a good and satisfying number. and I like that#also also also. I've introduced a friend to Hannibal (tv show) and he's loving it and I'm so happy cause none of#of my other friends have been able to stomach the body horror. so it's super cool to find someone to hype over it with#another random story that I genuinely can't remember if I said already. got told by a kid in minecraft that he's smiled a lot more around me#which. huge compliment. genuine honor to make people happy and smile and laugh#people don't laugh enough. we don't smile enough. be happy or die. and I'm too powerful to die. been there. haven't done that#cry and then laugh and then punch as hard as you can.#got to visit some of my favorite residents from the nursing home I first worked at. lotta new staff but my three favorite nurses are still#which is nice. I cried when I left that job because even though it crushed my soul I loved my coworkers and most of my residents.#I get why some healthcare workers grind themselves to the bone for the job. you're making such a huge difference in people's lives.#I tried but didn't have the fortitude for it. but it's nice to be able to go back and say hi to the friends I made and see how things are.#anyway. sorry for being weird like.. one or two weeks ago. I think things are settling out again. moving is rough but we're making it work#It's been a lot of Lear again lately. especially while being at my parents house. he doesn't mind being deadnamed as much sooo....#idk. at least one of us is capable of surviving the dmv and the state medicaid website. heaven knows I can't manage.#trying to stop using him as a crutch for getting things done has just resulted in us not being able to get things done.#but I don't want to be someone else I want to be me. I don't want to be the armor I want to be the human inside.#I don't want to live defensively. pushing everyone away. I can't do that.#anyway. we're back home! and work is on the horizon. hopefully this job works out cause I don't want to have to apply for new jobs.#the hr rep is a man at this store and I immediately got set on edge and our voice dropped as I stepped back.#then we introduced ourselves with the wrong name and he got confused and I just felt stupid about it#but how am I supposed to know which name he's been told. he didn't even use our paperwork name. Anyway that was a disaster#but we're on track and embarrassment is not a setback but a feeling about the way things progress. and it is progress we're making
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Therapy is just consensual manipulation
#tell me I'm wrong#the enture industry is seeped in colonization#but for the most part they push people in the right direction so it's seen as okay#but uh#yeah#I'm aware I'm probably biased cause I've had access to free/cheap therapists which means lotsa interns and a tew gender therapists#one was autism informed so she helped me a ton with understanding the world#one was not a trained therapist for general mental health but addiction#one was somehow a gender therapist but I had to guide her through the entire process to get my letter#and the one trauma specialized one did see was only a few sessions cause she was about to go for a conference on next level emdr#and was super exicted to try it out on me because of my trauma history and how highly th e treatment was praised#and my fear brain went NOOOOPE and I wuit therapy for a few years altogether#just now getting back into the intern grind and hating every moment#I dunno what else to do though :/
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