#trying to communicate w my mom is so many levels of difficult.

[cryolyst]

'

[lastcrystalwitch]

Feeling Guilty Taking Time for Myself

When there are many things that need to get done, sometimes it seems like I am looking at a to-do list that is never going to end. I attempt to run around the house, studious and determined, to meet the day with expectations that I will have a cleaner house vs. the mess that it was previously in. I just need to remind myself that doing a little bit every day will get me to the cleanliness level that I am so desperately searching for.

I grew up middle-upper class. My mother was a house wife, and took great pride in keeping the house clean. Even if I go over there now it is spotless.

This means I grew up with a discipline system that when you made a mess, you were criticized, punished, or scrutinized. Needless to say, it is ingrained in me that success comes from being clean, neat and tidy. When dishes aren't piled in the sink, there will be no excuse for bugs to take up residence. When I lived in Arizona in with an ex who liked to have parties and friends over who never picked up after themselves, forced me to deal with infestations of cockroaches. Much to my horror and the irreverence of my ex-husband and his roommate who left pizza boxes half way piled to the ceiling. Not only was I unappreciated, but I was busy. I worked two jobs and went to school full time, paying most of the rent and paying for my college and his. I put him through school. I wonder if he ever got off his entitled ass and put in the hard work and got his degree? I was not respected, appreciated, and my needs were never put first unless I put them first.

2012 was a horror show.

I have lived in filth, much to my dismay and been completely out of my control from people moving in animals who had fleas, and possibly parvo, and have payed over a grand fixing my mom's house infested with fleas because of other people who brought their pets over my house and infected my pets. I have been the one, time and time again, to self sacrifice myself to help others, fix others problems, clean up their messes. Now that I am older, and wiser, I am learning what it is that makes me tick. And for me its unacceptable for others not to help out.

But I have to change. I have to be able to tell others that they have to help instead of just expecting them to pick up a broom and get to work. I just don't want to sound like a nagging person. But I realize that others simply don't have the same priorities that I do. And this is a difficult pill to swallow, kind of. Never assume that someone knows how you feel. How can they? People can't read minds. You can read a room. You can read someone's body language. But unless you let them tell you what the hell is going on inside their head, you can only assume. And circular thoughts of assumptions lead to misunderstandings. Lack of communication period will break up a relationship.

I need to get better at saying what I want. What I need, and what I expect. That is what has made trouble in the past with roommates. I just have such an ungodly fear of hurting other people's feelings. A real fear that is as real for me as a natural disaster is real to the residences of that area. This debilitating fear of rejection, and fear of disappointing others can no longer be an excuse for me not to move forward with growing as an individual. And self reflection takes a lot of time. It takes a lot of work. But if we never strive to get better ... we never will.

But I've had only 25% control of the cleanliness of my house so far. With myself usually being the only person who cleans out of the 4 people who used to be there, its easy to feel out of control, hopeless, constantly stepping on wires, dirt, dust, and trash and dirt absolutely out of control. I was the only person cleaning routinely for the past 2 years basically. No one else seems to put cleanliness as a priority except for me. It simply felt like no one cared. And I thought no one cared on purpose. That they didn't care about me. I thought that since the house was never cleaned, it was all up to me.

But at what cost?

Its possible to keep a spotless home, or at the very least a tidy home, but everyone has to be on board.

Oh. And did I mention? My house has been a construction zone for the past two years with people constantly moving in and out of it. I helped purchase the house, but I have had zero control over the residents.

I grew up with a manipulative narrsacistic mother, a misunderstood dad who was never there because he was always at work, and a single brother who turned to bullying as a way to deal with what he was going through growing up. There were always feelings of I am not good enough. I am not a good enough student. I am not a good enough daughter. I was always trying to please others, and dealt with more mental abuse than you can shake a stick at. Its enough that I wrote journal after journal so I'd never forget about the unfairness exacted on me, horrific stories that would make you want to put your fist through the wall.

The bullying and constantly being told that my emotions and thoughts were wrong, and then told how I should be thinking, forced me into thoughts that self harm and mutilation is acceptable. Its really not okay to be treated that way. Because if I'm not doing something right I should be punished. I have since identified this as an irrational thought. But this was just a dip into my past reality. No one can ever scream at me and abuse me the way that I have done to myself. Because I expect it now. Before, I was okay with that. That was normal for me.

When I GTFO of my moms house in 2007, she called the cops on me because she thought, correctly, that I was running away. For me, it always takes someone else who cares about me, to tell me, no. The way that your mom treated you was wrong. My friends have told me, previous boyfriends, and even their entire families have told me what an abusive dysfunctional family I have suffered through as I was raised.

You know what makes me laugh? My mom is so caught up in herself that she cannot see how she's hurt me. She tells me that my previous boyfriends manipulated me and brainwashed me into thinking that she was the bad guy. Which wasn't true. I ran because I needed to get the hell out of toxicity at any cost or I was going to cut too deep one day and that would have been the end of it. Had I stayed in that situation. There was so much injustice that I was suffering, that when my chance came to not only get a college degree and move forward with my own life, I took it. Moving out in the middle of the night, not telling my mom where I was going. Getting married so that I could put myself through college, which I did. Taking my favorites with me and gaining guardianship of my best friend who was 16, and moving her out of a toxic situation as well. I picked everyone up that I cared about, and with the three grand that I had saved from working Monday-Friday since I was 15, I took others with me. I helped others start their life over. I helped give myself and others, that second chance that they were so desperately in need of. I saved a life. And I will never take that back or change my mind that leaving the best decision that I ever made in my life.

With one roommate out the door for new beginnings, and the second one about to venture off on great adventures, I will have only two weeks to have the house to myself for the first time since I bought it two years ago. My life partner and I will be alone in the house with just our pets, and dreams. I am greatly looking forward to it.

I plan to clean the house spotless before his family moves back in with us, two weeks after everyone has left. Honestly though I am very excited to have his family stay with us. His sister is super smart, retired Navy, and has a brilliant mind that is second to none. Her husband is a happy go lucky go getter that doesn't mind sacrificing a day to help me go run errands. He is able to keep most of the things on my list in his head, and its amazing because this means that I'm not forgetting a butt ton at the store. Their daughter is a cunning little angel. She's super smart. 4? I think?

I'd really like to take them to a park once it warms up and do some professional photos for them. They have a beautiful family! And some of the kindest coolest people I've ever met.

His sister is interesting to talk to. She has a mindset that is very different than mine, and very logical based, where I have a very intuition based mindset. She illuminates points of view, that are refreshing, feministic, and not selfish, but thinking of yourself first, which is what I am trying to work on.

My brother in law once told me I needed to stop being passive aggressive. I'm working on that.

I think his sister is a very good role model for me, and I look up to her because my brain is always flooded with how I can take care of everyone else, and while she has a kind heart and good morals, she always looks out for herself and family first. This is different than what I do, which I'd like to change. Because It is difficult for me to think of myself first at all. Except the bare minimum.

For people like me, I have heard, it can be difficult to relax. It can be easy to get overwhelmed because I flood my brain with a list of tasks half a mile long, and think of others worries more so than my own. My old way of thinking was, if I make them happy, and help solve their issues, they'll be happy and that will make me happy. But this is a flawed way of thinking I am realizing.

Don't judge me. We all learn life lessons at different times in our lives. I have had a lifetime of poor inner thought process that I finally feel like I have the tools I need for self recovery, and reprogramming my brain.

It has been a hard past year. Many, many dramatic changes, heart break, and suffering. Many many tears have been shed, bonds have been strengthened, people have been pushed to learn lessons they haven't learned yet either. Not just me. We've all changed. We've all grown. The difference between me and everyone else is, I'm ready to become a better version of myself through self reflection, not succumbing to negative self talk, but shaping my mind to be more positive instead of me just mentally putting myself down. I'm using tools like, meditation, exercise, positive self talk, gratitude, routine, spending time with myself for myself, music, writing out thoughts, and getting enough sleep, which I aim for 7 hours a night. Sometimes I make it sometimes I don't.

But these are the tools that anyone can use to help them feel better and improve themselves. I highly recommend using these tools which when you realize that if you take care of yourself and listen to your inner voice, and take control of your feelings ... it's the recipe for happiness.

[samscns-blog]

      *    𝖎𝖋   ur  ready  to  two  step  into  some  absolute  BULLSHIT  tomfoolery  ,  ya  girl  𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧  is  ready  for  u  with  my  lil  firecrotch  son  ,  𝖘𝖆𝖒𝖘𝖔𝖓  .  strong  silent  type  ,  ABSOLUTE  buffoon  ,  barely  keeping  it  together  so  hopefully  by  the  time  we’re  done  w  him  he’s  still  in  something  resembling  one  piece  :’)  all  my  love  to  u  and  u  cute  asses  !  i’m  so  excited  to  get  this  all  poppin  !

⋆  ╰  another   year   at   hollingsworth   ,  another   year   of   the  big   six rivalry   .   i   hear   that  SAMSON  MAILOTO   is   ensuring  SIGMA  ALPHA  NU   gets   a   solid   pledge   class   and   stays   at   the   top   of   the   ranks   .  oh   ,   you’re   not   familiar   with  HIM  ?  SAM   is   the  KJ  APA   look   alike   from  THE  BRONX   ,   NEW  YORK   .   a  part   of   PC  ‘16   ,  he  is   majoring   in  KINESIOLOGY   and   has   plans   to  ENTER  THE  MMA  AND  ESCAPE  FROM  THE  PUBLIC  EYE   after   undergrad   .   it   makes   sense   they   pledged   their   house   ,   their  PHLEGMATIC   &  SOLICITOUS   attributes   make   them   perfect   matches   .   however   ,   their  TREPIDATIOUS   &  AUSTERE   attributes   keep   their   name   alive   on  greek   rank   .   if   you   don’t   catch   them   dancing   to  BLEACH   -   BROCKHAMPTON   at   a   fraternity   band   party   this   year   ,   you’ll   be   sure   to   catch   them   nursing   their   morning   hangover   at  THE  SNU  HOUSE   .  cheers   to   another   wild   semester  !

⋆ ╰   𝑺 𝑻 𝑨 𝑻 𝑰 𝑺 𝑻 𝑰 𝑪 𝑺  .

𝒇𝒖𝒍𝒍    𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒆 :     samson  ioaleki  mailoto

𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬     :    sam  ,  sammy  

𝒃𝒊𝒓𝒕𝒉𝒅𝒂𝒕𝒆    /    𝒂𝒈𝒆 :    february  4    ,    twenty

𝒛𝒐𝒅𝒊𝒂𝒄     :    aquarius

𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓    𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒕𝒚    /    𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒔     :     cismale  identifying    with    he  /  him  /  his  pronouns    

𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏     :     heteroflexible  and  pansexual  ;  he’s  never  actively  considered  himself  as  lgbtq+  but  has  also  never  given  it  much  thought  ddjdjdjdkjdk

𝒐𝒄𝒄𝒖𝒑𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏    :    kinesiology  major  at  hu  ,  aspiring  welterweight  mma  fighter  ,  us  olympic  representitive  for  men’s  boxing  in  the  2020  olympics

𝒉𝒐𝒈𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔    𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆    :    gryffindor

𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏    𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒓𝒆𝒅    𝒃𝒚     :     eliot  alder  from  mr  robot  ,  kylo  ren  from  the  new  star  wars  series  ,  detective  elliot  stabler  from  law  and  order  svu  ,  steve  rogers  from  the  mcu  

𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒕𝒔    :    -    trepidatious  ,  austere  ,  apprehensive  ,  hesitant  ,  antisocial  ,  hostile  ,  bellicose  .

+        phlegmatic  ,  solicitous  ,  benevolent  ,  rational  ,  stalwart  ,  loyal  ,  reliable  ,  optimistic  .

𝑃𝐼𝑁𝑇𝐸𝑅𝐸𝑆𝑇  located  here  !

⋆ ╰    𝑨 𝑵 𝑻 𝑬 𝑪 𝑬 𝑫 𝑬 𝑵 𝑻 .

bullet  points  for  the  win  bc  who  has  time  for  all  the  tomfoolery  i  could  spew  from  my  ass  !

sammy’s  mom  was  a  housekeeper  in  upper  manhattan  for  some  fancy  dancy  homes  who  needed  their  gold  toilet  seat  covers  sanitized  3x  a  day  ,  u  know  the  type 🙄

samson  grew  up  in  a  run  down  apartment  in  a  small  samoan  community  in  the  bronx  and  has  always  been  a  lil  antisocial  weirdo  since  those  warm  dark  eyes  came  into  the  light  .  he  rlly  minded  his  own  business  n  wasn’t  really  curious  about  literally  anything  besides  running  and  wrestling  w  his  cousins  .  his  mom  struggled  to  keep  him  fed  and  housed  and  dressed  and  worked  relentless  hours  but  never  left  sam  needing  anything  ,  a  literal  fucking  legend  of  a  woman  and  he’s  proud  to  carry  her  last  name  !

sammy  always  felt  the  weight  of  never  wanting  to  be  an  extra  burden  to  his  mother  and  learned  to  really  be  self-sufficient  ,  likely  explaining  his  satisfaction  with  being  so  alone  

he  vaguely  remembers  the  night  his  life  changed  in  middle  school  ,  the  hushed  strained  whisper  from  the  living  room  ,  he’s  your  god  damned  son  too  ,  think  about  him  for  once  in  your  fucking  life  .  it  hit  like  a  fucking  train  once  the  story  picked  up  ,  5  time  nfl  superbowl  champ  father  to  secret  love  child  .  think  arnold  schwarznegger’s  secret  son  level  scandal  !  suddenly  his  shithead  of  a  dead  is  trying  to  salvage  his  image  ,  fighting  for  split  custody  arrangements  ,  telling  the  press  how  much  in  child  support  he  payed  ,  anything  to  save  his  ass

this  is  the  first  time  samson  remembers  being  fueled  by  rage  in  his  life  ,  as  a  relatively  well-tempered  child  ,  the  injustice  of  having  this  near-stranger  try  to  be  a  “  DAD  ” to  him  while  shitting  all  over  his  mother’s  name  made  his  fucking  blood  boil  and  becomes  a  theme  for  his  future

he  spends  the  next  chapters  of  his  life  going  to  the  fancy  private  schools  in  new  york  his  dad  picks  for  him  and  tearing  his  tie  off  on  the  ratty  bus  ride  into  the  bronx  to  go  home  to  his  mom  .  he  hates  having  to  haul  ass  back  and  forth  ,  wishing  he  could  stay  with  the  only  family  he’s  actually  given  a  shit  about  ,  but  bears  it  for  the  sake  of  not  causing  his  mom  any  more  torment  .  his  father  is  as  awful  as  could  be  imagined  ,  and  samson  hates  every  second  of  existing  with  him  ,  the  snarky  little  comments  at  school  and  in  the  ritzy  wealthy  circles  that  make  him  feel  more  of  a  black  sheep  than  he  ever  asked  to  be

this  becomes  the  root  of  his  anxiety  ,  bearing  the  weight  of  the  world’s  expectations  on  his  young  shoulders  and  repressing  his  own  needs  and  desires  as  a  result  .  he  goes  into  every  sport  imaginable  ,  his  father’s  DNA  being  increasingly  difficult  to  deny  ,  but  finds  a  particular  talent  with  fighting  and  takes  on  as  many  fighting  styles  as  he’s  able  to  master

turning  18  should  mean  freedom  for  sam  ,  but  nothing  is  ever  as  simple  as  he  could  ask  in  his  life  .  in  order  to  keep  the  child  support  payments  that  admittedly  help  keep  his  mother  afloat  ,  his  father  asks  one  more  thing  of  samson  :  hold  off  on  his  pro  mma  dreams  for  just  a  little  longer  in  order  to  attend  his  alma  matter  ,  hollingsworth  university  ,  as  a  publicity  move  and  then  he’ll  be  out  of  sam’s  life  in  every  way  except  financially  .  with  the  dream  of  completing  college  like  his  mom  always  aspired  for  him  ,  sam  agreed  and  went  on  to  appease  the  man  one  last  time  ,  joining  his  former  fraternity  to  sweeten  the  deal  (  and  secure  a  lovely  brownstone  in  his  childhood  neighborhood  signed  in  his  mother’s  name  )  and  is  a  year  out  from  graduating  and  letting  mma  be  the  only  reason  his  name  would  ever  appear  in  the  tabloids  .

⋆ ╰    𝑨 𝑵 𝑨 𝑳 𝒀 𝑺 𝑰 𝑺 .

personality  wise  ,  i  describe  sam  as  the  stupid  bitch  w  big  npc  energy  ,  if  u  want  him  to  talk  u  gotta  talk  to  him  first  and  even  then  he  might  just  give  u  that  hostile  stare  and  just  .. . .  remain  silent  KSDFSDF

he’s  about  as  NOT  a  people  person  as  physically  possible  ,  would  really  be  content  just  sticking  to  his  inner  circle  for  like  the  rest  of  his  life  without  concern  .  he  seems  like  this  rude  stand-offish  dick  but  the  truth  is  he’s  PAINFULLY  SHY  and  has  a  p  severe  case  of  generalized  anxiety  disorder  so  interactions  ?  w  new  ppl  ?  are  a  HARD  pass

did  i  mention  he’s  on  steriods  bc  that  def  adds  to  his  anxiety  and  hostility  !  lmao  !  he  started  juicing  in  high  school  when  his  dad  kept  pressuring  him  for  football  and  how  he  was  “  twice  your  size ”   at  that  age  ,  n  he  HATES  the  dude  but  he’s  also  lowkey  insecure  abt  his  lack  of  a  father  figure  so  ?  used  daddy’s  money  to  start  his  first  cycle  and  pay  off  to  test  clean  and  now  he’s  been  hooked  on  and  off  .  he’s  currently  starting  a  new  cycle  to  bulk  up  for  the  new  season  and  prep  for  the  2020  olympics  but  swears  he  wont  be  on  them  forever  :/

they  make  him  SUPER  aggressive  when  set  off  ,  it’s  a  decent  thing  that  sam’s  so  monotone  and  shy  that  he’s  also  pretty  laid  back  and  kinda  hard  to  rile  up  .  he  really  doesn’t  take  much  personally  and  won’t  do  a  huge  “  chest  pumped  bro  lets  do  this ”  show  bc  he  ?  thinks  all  those  guys  who  do  that  are  tools  LMAO  but  find  the  right  button  to  push  n  he’ll  become  the  very  thing  he  despises  !

if  u  can  get  past  the  literal  awkward  silence  and  resting  bitch  face  ,  sammy  is  actually  really  well  known  for  being  just  a  generally  decent  guy  .  the  perception  is  often  that  he’s  a  dick  bc  he  think’s  he’s  better  than  a  lot  of  ppl  ,  but  the  truth  is  he’s  just  too  nervous  to  start  conversations  n  most  ppl  assume  its  an  ego  thing  vs  a  “  i’m  about  to  piss  myself  thinking  abt  all  the  ways  this  convo  can  go  wrong  so  i’ll  just  not  talk  and  glare  @  u  instead  ”  thing

if  he  had  his  shit  together  he  would  definitely  qualify  as  a  dad  type  ,  but  since  he  doesn’t  ,  he  won’t  SSHSHSHSH  but  he’s  really  just  a  softie  deep  down  ,  he  has  a  stupid  as  HELL  sense  of  humor  and  is  really  objective  and  level  headed  .  the  gryffindor  in  him  is  DEEPLY  loyal  ,  like  to  the  death  ,  but  he’s  got  lots  of  hufflepuff  in  the  sense  that  he’s  really  willing  to  get  his  hands  dirty  to  help  those  in  need  .  u  need  help  moving  ?  someone  to  keep  u  company  while  u  babysit  ?  feel  nervous  walking  alone  after  class  at  night  ?  sammy  might  leave  u  on  read  if  u  text  him  bc  he’s  a  Dumb  Bitch  like  that  but  he’ll  show  up  on  the  dot  ,  hands  in  pockets  ,  exactly  where  u  asked  him  to  be  ready  to  do  what  u  asked  him  to  do  .  the  mans  is  a  super  hard  worker

he  def  still  feels  kinda  weird  at  uni  ?  he’s  p  smart  but  some  of  the  classes  unrelated  to  athletics  and  anatomy  have  given  him  a  REALLY  tough  time  (  dance  appreciation  for  his  fine  arts  credit  almost  tanked  his  gpa  LMAO  )  and  he’s  not  top  of  his  class  or  anything  but  ppl  still  try  to  talk  to  him  bc  of  the  whole  “  famous  dad  ,  future  olympian  ”  thing  ,  which  he  can  pick  up  from  a  mile  a  way  and  makes  him  super  uncomfortable  .  even  being  in  a  frat  w  a  bunch  of  old  money  rich  boys  makes  him  DEF  feel  like  the  odd  one  out  ,  and  he’s  just  counting  down  the  days  until  he’s  OUT  OF  HERE

in  conclusion  :  i  love  u  all  .  lets  suffer  together  .  :~)

[captainmyhomeuniverse]

I used to go with my dad quite a lot.

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The homeowner, who does not live at the home, said she found the two small puppies dead on a pile of clothes in the kitchen, said Kim Myers, Calcasieu Parish Sheriff's Office spokeswoman. The International Air Transport Association says that carrying an avalanche airbag backpack is allowed as long as it meets its guidelines and is packed in such a way that it won't be accidentally triggered. The Hopkins is littered with them now and the combination of an abundance of mullet and the river being blocked will only make them hungrier. And just that, but to enrich himself, and gain political leverage to further defend his lie and ugly truths.. In the 1960's, Australians were considered amongst the best in the world when it came to the ways they dealt with waste. Was so thrilled, his mom said. Part RPG, MMO and FPS, Destiny's got a bit of everything: a level based class system where players get stronger through a series of quests, extended magazines, enhanced scopes and other weapon and armor perks for continued play, and a decent character creation system. Vienna Mathews has also made multiple State Tournament appearances and finished as State Runner up in 2012.. Many of the symptoms would be difficult or impossible to describe by a younger child. The non prosecution agreement, examined in detail in a series of stories in The Miami Herald, is being challenged in federal court in Florida. That why the office is sponsoring Hard, Play Hard, a series of special events during the 2009 10 academic year. After being groomed in the ODI team last year to potentially become a key cog in the World Cup campaign, his name was nowhere in the picture when Australia listed 34 cricketers to tour England on Monday.

[kyleelisetht]

How My Late Son-in-Law’s Final Gift of Belkis Ayón Turned My Grief to Joy.~KyleeliseTHT

February—this is the month in which my birthday was celebrated during my early childhood. Sometime later, January became the month. The 11th is the day. Of course, there’s more to this story. But not, now.

Apparently, the January birthday was difficult to keep track of and often forgotten, altogether. Over the years, I grew weary of the slight and decided to ditch both January and February as months in which to celebrate my birth. I love Spring! —and determined to make its first day, whenever it fell, my birthday.

This was a wonderful way to circumvent being casually forgotten.

But, when I changed my birthday, everybody noticed.

In 2017, my daughter and son-in-law put together my very first family birthday celebration. These two were a young aspiring couple that were just getting by, having recently opened a health spa and art gallery in a booming but then struggling artist community.

That year, my daughter worked closely with a local cake designer located in her artist neighborhood to produce a beautifully decorated red velvet cake. She and my son-in-law added flowers and other birthday party treats and delivered the bounty to my home, which is several towns south of where they lived.

Both in their twenties, the couple was so proud of their accomplishment—Mom’s first real family birthday party. I was, too. And just like that, my birthday became a thing!

My oldest daughter couldn’t attend that year. So, for 2019, she took over the planning of my birthday celebration, which would come in the form of an extraordinary collective gift.

In the mid-90s, I was introduced to the work of the Cuban printmaker Belkis Ayón Manso, referred to as Belkis Ayón. Incorporated in her imagery was the presence of an all-male secret society known as Abakuá, which I’d studied as a student of historian and professor Robert Farris Thompson. In her works, Ayón had symbolically interjected herself as the heroin Sikán, who’d been sacrificed after revealing a secret that would, eventually, bring together two warring African tribes—the genesis of Abakuá.

The artist died September 11, 1999.

In 2010, Turner publishing released an exhaustive catalogue raisonné of Ayón’s works and writings that includes additional text by her friends, Cristina Vives and David Mateo, created with support from the artist’s estate, organized by her sister, Dr. Katia Ayón Manso.

For many years, I planned or attempted to purchase a copy of the book, which was beautifully constructed and is filled with stunning high-resolution images of Ayón’s work. Modestly price at just around $50, it was a worthy investment I was never quite able to execute.

When I began the daunting work of producing a catalogue raisonné for the artist Tmnk/NOBODY in early 2017, I thought, again, about what Vives and Mateo had accomplished, and the many years their efforts took to be realized as a published book.

In 2016, the Fowler Museum at UCLA hosted the first large scaled solo showing of Ayón’s work in the U.S. As the exhibit traveled the country, the price of the seminal book about the artist’s work spiraled out of reach. Many resellers took full advantage of the book’s scarcity, asking well over $2000 for the fifty-dollar catalogue.

I thought I’d successfully purchased a copy for its original price only to have the seller claim that it was lost during shipping and giving a swift full refund.

After all those years of trying, I accepted that the book was simply out of reach.

It was not.

My oldest daughter, an arts administrator, took on the job of searching out the book both in and outside the U.S. Somehow, she located a copy at a reasonable price. A perfect birthday gift for Mom, she thought. But she’d have to convince her younger sister and brother-in-law to chip in in order to pull it off along with my Christmas present.

It took some sacrificing for my daughter and son-in-law to pitch in. They’d just purchased a home and business location and had nothing, really, to spare. But they did it anyway.

They purchased three books, two on the artist Charles W. White AND the Belkis Ayón: Nkame: Catalogue Raisonné I’d so longed for.

My son-in-law was an artist, too, and a lot of fun. And he loved that his mother-in-law was a typical starving writer/artist, too.

Many times, while enjoying a cigarette on my back porch—often while he’d catch a football game on his cellphone in season—we’d muse about the day when Florida would break-up the monopoly on the cannabis trade so we could start a boutique business of our own, even though I don’t partake in weed products. How else might we, two fledgling artists, make an honest high-income living?

I would get the White books on Christmas.

They’d made the decision to save the Ayón book for my birthday because I’d spoken so much about the difficulties acquiring it. Another out-of-the-box birthday surprise was underway.

But…

On November 16, 2018, my beloved son-in-law died after an excruciatingly long and prayerful week in hospital.

We’d planned a Christmas together as a family. And, he would have been pleased to help hand-off my new White artbooks. My birthday present, however, would have spiked his joy to a whole other level.

Moving through the holidays and facing my birthday on the 11th, I haven’t been able to contain my laughter and joy when I think about my late son-in-law.

Like when he and my daughter put together my first real family birthday party two years ago, he would have made this birthday the very best of the best birthday-present-giving experience anyone could manage, smiling brilliantly as he took it all in. This I know is true.

So, there you have it! This is how my late son-in-law managed to help turn my most dreaded day of the year into a joyful celebration of my life and his.~KyleeliseTHT

[roslinadama-sinequanon]

Thoughts on Bad Blood

There was so much to love in this episode it’s hard to know where to begin. I already posted a long gushing review of my personal favorite part---all the talk amongst the characters about the wedding and the church--so I’ll just stick that on the end for anyone who didn’t see it.

So what was there to love? Here goes.

1. The quips-

Provenza after finding out Mary was in the class of 1973, his class-“She must have been a classmate Buzz-Oh and she retired 23 years ago. Provenza-You can lose the tone Buzz.

Love it when they tweak Provenza about how long he’s been around.

In the murder room: Sharon:  Mary took a swing at me when I relieved her of duty.  (Would like to have seen that and would love more stories about Sharon‘s time in FID)

-and-

Andy’s rather laconic “Well it was a bit of boys club back then and Sharon’s quick snap retort “Still is”, concluded with Andy’s chagrined look. They are so adorable.

Sharon: “I’m not sure though how much of a committed feminist Mary was. When I asked her for her service weapon back she called me a bitch. Provenza: Oh, well, that’s shocking.” Good call back to the days when they all thought Sharon was a bitch.

--and one of my favorites--

Tao- “Ah the future Mrs. Flynn” Sharon- “Well that’s still under discussion”

I know there is some debate over this but I’m really hoping she changes her name--and gets a new job title with it, Commander Flynn sounds good to me. For me, and please know I understand and respect everyone’s opinion on this, it seems disrespectful to Andy to keep another man’s name while she is married to him. If it was her family name it wouldn’t be such a big deal, but this is Jack Raydor’s name, the same Jack who pops in every now and then and would love nothing more than to tweak Andy with the fact that Sharon chose to keep his name and that they still share that in common while she chose not to make that commitment to Andy.  Again, this isn’t about keeping her name, this is about keeping Jack’s name and I just don’t think that is right. I think it would be hurtful to Andy and leave him feeling somewhat “less than” Jack in her life. At least that’s the way I’d feel if were him. Anyway, that’s just me. They’ll probably have her keep the name or keep the name at work where she will remain Raydor, but at home she’ll be Flynn. Still not a fan of the compromise but better than not changing at all. I’m just glad to hear that it is at least under discussion.

---And later at Mary’s apartment---

Amy after Sanchez busts the door in: “Wow and Sanchez probably isn’t half as strong as Dustin O’Brien” Then realizing her faux pas at his look, “Though, you know, plenty tough.”

And all the Provenza grumbling over Julio’s new personal life interfering with work was great, especially because you know he’s thrilled for Julio but just has to be a curmudgeon about it--the same as he is with Andy and Sharon’s relationship.

2. Continuity- Unlike many MC episodes where things happen and are never alluded to again, ahem, Andy’s letter, this episode actually flowed from the previous episode. It didn’t start out that way. I was so disappointed to see Andy and Sharon in the murder room completely business as usual and I was starting to think they were going to completely dismiss the fact that he proposed last week and we still didn’t know for sure if they were engaged--though Mary had said they were. I think that was done on purpose to freak us out a little. Look at how many times Sharon’s hands were shown, her fingers fluttering, I KNOW how many times because my eyes were glued to that damn TV looking for an engagement ring! They knew we’d all be looking for that ring and would be disappointed not to see it.

But alas, Ricky shows up and the rest of the episode is focused on the engagement and discussions about the wedding. Oh, if only this happened all the time. If so we might have seen what Andy and Sharon talked about after he asked what she needed him for and she told him to shut the door. We might have seen that first date at Serve, we might have found out what happened to Andy’s letter and if Sharon has even seen it yet, we might have gotten an honest to goodness “I love you”, and we might have seen or heard about what the heck happened after Andy’s heart attack, or even if it was mild or serious or what. For ONCE the writers didn’t drop the ball and I for one appreciated that.

3. Back story! We actually got more back story on SHARON and ANDY, OMG!

First off we got another story of Sharon during her FID days. I love it when they talk about her past position and officers she had to deal with in that capacity.  I’m really hoping before MC is over they do a storyline where someone from Sharon’s past, someone she had to fire when she was in FID, comes back to try to take revenge on her. Would love to see her and Andy and the team trying to deal with that.

Second-We got to hear more about Sharon’s life as a single mom and how tough it was. We tend to think of Sharon as she is now, pulling in over $150,000 a year, living in an elegant Los Feliz condo, always decked out in expensive designer clothes and shoes, but there was a time when she was a struggling single mom working all different shifts on patrol and not making nearly as much money. It was nice to hear how she leaned on her faith community to help her through that difficult time. It does take a village and Sharon knows that because she had to lean on that village. And it gave us greater insight into how she ended up in FID.

Third-We even got more of Andy’s back story, including his ex-wife’s name--Sandra. One thing I’ve always loved about Andy is that he is brutally honest about himself and never makes excuses for his past behavior. He was completely upfront with Ricky and Rusty about getting married too young and not being ready for kids and drinking too much. But never did he put any blame on a job which I’m sure had him working crazy hours, overtime etc and how much that strained his marriage etc. I’m sure there is a lot more to it than what he is saying, but AA has taught him to accept what he has done, accept the blame, make amends and move on. We can’t change what we’ve done in the past but we can change how we behave in the future and he wanted to assure the boys that he is emotionally prepared to be married this time. I thought it was quite touching that while the boys were not worried about Andy being a good husband for their mother, they were just fishing to find out if they could use emotionally unready as an excuse for him to get an annulment, Andy thought they needed to know what went wrong in his first marriage because they were worried about it happening again with Sharon. He’s such a sweetheart.

4. Ricky and Rusty teaming up-I love how they’ve moved beyond their initial distrust and formed this really great brotherly bond. It’s a great balance too, Ricky is able to speak to Sharon’s history in a way that is completely alien to Rusty and because Rusty is living with Sharon he can speak to her present in a way that is more alien to Ricky. Also, there is a comfort level Ricky has with being Sharon’s biological child, raised by her from birth that Rusty still doesn’t have. Ricky is not afraid to go blazing guns ahead when it comes to his mother because he knows that even if he makes a mistake or  pisses her off she is always going to love him. While I still see in Rusty the young man who is always trying to prove himself worthy of Sharon and trying so hard to do what he thinks she would want because while intellectually he knows that Sharon loves him and would never turn her back on him, there is a scarred child inside whose biological mother often turned her back on him and who always had conditions when it came to her love. He is starting to understand Sharon’s unconditional love but there is still a wariness I see in him.

5. Ricky Raydor! When we first met Ricky in the adoption episode I didn’t like him at all. I thought he was dismissive and condescending and I wondered how a woman with such amazing nurturing qualities raised such a selfish young man devoid of any sense of compassion. Now I can see why Sharon was so shocked and upset by Ricky’s behavior. Because it was definitely out of character, brought on by the normal jealousy he felt over his mother adopting another son and fed and played upon by a father who was doing everything in his power to stop Sharon from divorcing him, not caring if he hurt Rusty, Sharon and even Ricky in the process.  

When we met Ricky at Christmas I liked him a whole lot more. He definitely came off as the baby brother and Emily the indulgent older sister. I thought he was cute and sweet, wanting his Christmas to be just the way it was when he was kid. He also seemed to take a harder line on Jack’s drinking.   At first I wondered why Jack asked Sharon to talk to Emily about staying with him over the holidays rather than Ricky, but I get the feeling that Emily is more like Sharon in that nurturing kind of way and wouldn’t call him on his bad behavior or would at least be more sympathetic about it whereas I think he knew Ricky would have no patience with him. Given the timeline Sharon has spoken of in her marriage I think maybe Emily may remember a time when they were a family but Ricky probably has very few if any memories of that. I think his memories would be more of the father who showed up every few years or so, usually wanting something, and how upset it would make his mother, which is why he is very protective of her. Also, they may have had a falling out over Jack trying to manipulate Ricky into convincing Sharon not to adopt Rusty. I’m sure Ricky wasn’t happy to realize he’d been used that way and the damage that could have been created in his relationship with his mother. The look on Ricky’s face and the tears that welled in his eyes showed just how deeply he was affected by his mother’s disappointment in him as did how quickly he tried to rectify things.

In “Bad Blood” I wasn’t sure which Ricky would show up. A Ricky happy about the engagement or a Ricky who would try to convince his mother not to go through with it. Thankfully it was the former and Ricky was filled with excitement about the wedding, more so than anyone. I couldn’t help but notice he even hugged Andy first--and was comfortable enough to do so. From the first time we met Ricky he and Andy seemed to be friendly and in some ways Ricky reminds me of Andy, emotional, impatient, eager and impulsive.

And can I just say how much do I love that Ricky and Emily took matters into their own hands and went to Jack to lay down the law with him. You do this for our mother or we are DONE with you.  It really gave us such great insight into the close relationship between Sharon/Emily/Ricky and how as adults Ricky and Emily are able to look back and see just how much their mother gave to them, how much she sacrificed for them and now that she has the chance to be happy with a man who loves and cherishes her the way she deserves to be loved and cherished they are going to make damn sure she gets that chance and if that means cutting out the man who was pretty much just a sperm donor in their lives, than so be it.

And why would Jack care? He was never a part of his kids lives, spends years without being in contact with them, never paid a dime of child support and the only reason he even got in touch with them recently was because Sharon threatened to evict him. So would losing them really matter? I think it would. I do think that underneath it all Jack does care about them, he’s just a selfish, thoughtless person and things will always have to be on his terms. They will never come first with him and he will never have a problem manipulating them to get what he needs. And he needs them now. He always had Sharon as a back up plan. When things went wrong, when he lost big gambling or was drinking again or didn’t have a place to stay he’d show up on Sharon’s doorstep and she’d help clean up his mess for him. He isn’t going to have that now that they are divorced and Andy is in the picture. So, as he gets older he’s probably realizing he needs what little family he has left. He’s a user and always will be.

6. The Ring- I think it was a lovely choice for Sharon, it’s classic and elegant, beautiful with all the diamonds on the band as well as the large emerald cut, and yet it is not flashy and in your face. Understated elegance--- that is Sharon. I think it will look even better when the narrow band is coupled with a wedding ring to give the emerald cut a little more balance. I liked that people were interested in the ring, Julio, Tao and Ricky. But I do wish Sharon’s response had been a little different when Andy said “I can’t afford a ring as beautiful as she deserves” ( I really thought he was going to say , as beautiful as she is, and realized he’s never once told her she’s beautiful or that she what she’s wearing looks nice, however, she has at least called him handsome) and she just said “This is much more than enough” I don’t know, I just wish she’d said “Andy, it’s a beautiful ring and I love it, it’s certainly more than enough.” Though from the kind or roll of her eyes when he said that I got the impression that she’s told him that a few times.

7. Domestic Andy-It was a little thing really, but while Ricky was admiring Sharon’s ring I loved how it was Andy in the background cleaning up with Rusty. I like seeing Andy feeling at home in Sharon’s condo and his thoughtfulness in allowing Sharon to spend time with a son she doesn’t get to see as much as she’d like. I’m sure he told her “You sit and visit with Ricky, Rusty and I will clean up” That said, I hope they will finally get a home of their own so we can see “their” home, a part of Andy and Sharon. As far as I can see there is nothing of Andy’s in that condo. It is Sharon’s condo and Andy is just living there. They need something that is theirs together.

8. Sharon’s religious beliefs being treated respectfully-I’m glad that everyone understood Sharon’s beliefs and her need to marry in the church and didn’t try to sway her into giving them up or put them down as silly or antiquated. It is nice to see a modern, intelligent, liberal woman who also has strong religious beliefs but is not a zealot. A woman who relies on her faith but is not blind to its shortcomings(your rules father not mine). And it is nice to see the people around her being understanding of these beliefs rather than condescending.

9. Balance--I loved the way this episode balanced out. Now, I know I watch this show for a different reason than many do, for the personal stories not so much the cases--although there have been some good ones. But in most episodes we get a quick personal scene and then 40 minutes of the case and then maybe one more quick personal scene before the end and usually these personal scenes are Sharon/Rusty, thought lately they’ve been Sharon/Andy/Rusty. In this episode we didn’t have those 40 minutes where my mind starts to wander and I start to look at the clock with worry thinking it’s almost over and I want more personal interaction. In this episode we went continually from the case to a personal scene and those personal scenes weren’t just Sharon and Rusty we got Sharon/Andy/Ricky/Rusty, Sharon/Ricky, Julio/Mark in a couple different scenes, Andy/Ricky/Rusty, Ricky/Rusty and finally Sharon/Andy/Ricky/Rusty again.  By interspersing the personal stuff throughout the case--and with different characters--- it kept me completely engaged without any ho hum moments.

As good as this episode was, there were still a few things that I thought were missing.

First of all any kind of personal conversation about their wedding between Sharon and Andy. Again, we know they’ve talked about the wedding and marriage, Andy is aware Sharon wants to marry in the church and they’ve discussed whether she is going to become Sharon Flynn or remain Sharon Raydor, but I’d like for us to get the opportunity to witness some of these scenes. Sharon’s always been given great scenes with Rusty, she’s had great scenes with Ricky and Andy had a great scene with the boys but we’ve never been given that with Sharon and Andy. They’ve had touching moments, but they’ve never had an actual emotional or frank full-out conversation. I am hoping that we will see that in the next few episodes, however, now that the proposal is over and everyone has been told I have a feeling Shandy will be put on the back burner for the rest of the season. MC just is not good with storyline continuation and Shandy has never been an ongoing interest of Duff‘s.

The other thing I felt that was missing was any kind of personal interaction about the proposal between Flynn and Provenza. Provenza has been following this romance from day 1, he’s had tons of comments about it--especially when he was against it--and is as far as we know he’s the only one other than Andy who has seen the letter expressing Andy’s love for Sharon. He is also, as of yet, the ONLY character on MC who has mentioned the word “love” when it comes to Sharon and Andy. He is Andy’s best friend and has a kind of fatherly/big brother relationship with Sharon so I really expected him to have some kind of comment; either last week while Andy was trying to propose or this week once the engagement had been announced. I hope we get something in the future.

The last and most stark thing that I think that was missing was yet again no “I love you”. How does a couple get all the way to being engaged without ever saying the words “I love you?” I thought for sure when Andy was talking to the boys and started to assure them that he was emotionally ready to marry Sharon that he was about to say that he loved Sharon and was emotionally ready, but it was again skipped. Which is okay, because I really want him to say it to her, and even more so want HER to say it to him. Andy has always been ahead of Sharon in this relationship, always seemed to be the one who was more “into” it so I would love for the first time we hear “I love you” for it to come from Sharon.

So what‘s left on the Shandy list?  Still waiting to check off “I love you”  “A Kiss” “A real honest heartfelt conversation” and “Sexy Shandy” (and by sexy Shandy I mean the two of them flirting and teasing, maybe a few innuendos --you know acting like normal  couples in love act, not like brother and sister). But we’ll have to move on and hope that a future episode will have those.

Because it belongs on my list of favorite things from this episode if you didn’t see my post about how much I loved all the personal conversations about the church and the wedding and are interested you can continue on to do so here

So glad Sharon is going to be able to get married in the church. The importance of the church in her life became even more apparent tonight. We’ve known about the strength of her faith and her adherence to its rules since she was on the Closer and throughout Major Crimes. But tonight thanks to Ricky we got  see the help and support the church gave to a struggling single mother when she was not making the kind of money she makes now by giving her a break on her kids education and also providing childcare during a time when she was working cop’s hours. As the sister of a police officer I can say that traditional childcare is definitely an issue for the shifts they have to work and when they are held over in forced overtime.

Knowing how important it would be for their mother to marry in the church, Ricky gets the ball rolling on an annulment and he and Emily go to Jack and threaten not be a part of his life anymore if he tries to hold up the annulment. How freaking great was that! Love those kids!

I was overjoyed to see how happy and enthusiastic Ricky was over this wedding. He really just wants so much for his mom to be happy–and in the quick little scene with Rusty later in the episode we get a glimpse of Ricky’s frustration, probably shared with Emily, over how much time their mother wasted on Jack. Glad to see adoption episode Ricky was an aberration.

It was also apparent how much Sharon wants to be married in the church in her conversation with Ricky. When he’s prodding her on why she has her foot on the break, she says there are issues and that getting married in the church…at which point she gets emotional and can’t even talk about it because she feels it is impossible. That she’d never be able to convince Jack to sign off on an annulment. And when Ricky asked her if she would be willing to marry outside the church and let them stop dictating who is her family she just kind of rolls her head back, like “come on Ricky”.  

I’m glad they didn’t take the easy way out and just have them marry outside the church–not that we’ve got any wedding plans yet, but it’s pretty apparent where they are leaning. I think it would not have been true to who Sharon is to have her throw out all her years of adhering to her Catholic beliefs and suddenly be fine with losing some of what the church offers her spiritually and emotionally. I do think if they were unable to make that happen Sharon would finally agree to marry outside the church, but I’m glad that doesn’t have to happen now. I really didn’t like the idea of Sharon having to lose something so important to her in order to marry Andy. I so want this wedding and marriage to be nothing but a happy time in her life full of GAINS, no losses.

That said, I think that Andy not having a clue about the annulment was a little silly. At the end of the episode when his ex-wife calls and said she applied for an annulment Andy tells Sharon they may be able to marry in the church after all. So obviously the two of them talked about that after the proposal and discussed the need for annulments. From the beginning Andy has been the one pushing ahead in this relationship and was so gung ho about the proposal and moving forward I would think he would have jumped at contacting his ex-wife about starting the process. After all, she’s already re-married so I doubt it would mean much to her whereas I could see Sharon’s worry about Jack. Nasty bastard that he is, he would have held her off just to spite her and out of jealousy.

Since Rusty said he’d take care of getting Andy’s annulment I’m betting he called Nicole, told her the problem and that she went to her mom and got her mom to get the annulment started.  Good thinking Rusty. But again, a little strange that Andy didn’t question why after all these years of being re-married his ex suddenly wants an annulment days after he has become engaged? Aren’t you a detective Andy?

But, I’m not going to quibble over that because I’m just so freaking happy. I have been really hoping for a church wedding because I know how important it is Sharon and because I am hoping this wedding will be a big deal.

[cynthiadshaw]

What’s the Most Important Lesson You’ve Learned Along Your Journey?

Every twist in our story, challenge we face, and obstacle we overcome is an important part of our story.  These difficulties make us stronger and wiser and prepare us for what’s ahead.  As we grow and succeed we may imagine that soon the challenges will fade away, but in our conversations with business owners, artists, creatives, academics, and others we have learned that the most common experience is that challenges never go away – instead they get more complex as we grow and succeed.  Our ability to to thrive therefore depends heavily on our ability to learn from our experiences and so we are asking some of the city’s best and brightest: What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned along your journey?

Jantae Jackson | Marketing Specialist

What I have learned is that there is no room for fear in business. You have to overcome it to succeed 💛.

@MorphMarketing forevermodish19@gmail.com

Kennedy Dendy | Broadcast Journalism Student/CBS News Intern

The most important lesson I’ve learned in my journey stems from a piece of advice that my mother gave me many years ago. “If you want something, go get it.” I have truly learned the importance of chasing after my dreams and passions, despite what the world may throw. I learned to have a “go-getter” mindset when it comes to what I want for my life. It is important to understand that nothing is going to be simply handed to you. Getting to the place you wish to be requires a great deal of dedication, diligence and discipline. Twists and turns may come your way, but you must fix your eyes on the end goal.

@kennedy_dendy  KennedyDendy.com

DJ SEAN ANTHONY | DJ | ENTERTAINER

It would have to be to trust myself and my creative sound. Someone is always going to critique your work or offer feedback that you could’ve done without. In my beginning stages that would eat me up. I would work so hard on trying to accommodate that one person that said enough to cause this displacement in my style. That I would literally drive myself crazy until I got it right. But now I’m so much better than that. I’ve managed to accept that my style of DJ’ing is different and that’s what makes me stand out.

@djsean.anthony

B. Whitcomb | Travel Advisor for Travel with B (Travel Services)

I’m new to Dallas, I recently relocated from Omaha, Nebraska. I have a passion for traveling, so I figured why not do what you love?! It’s my goal to make travel affordable for everyone regardless who they are or what they do. I graduated from the University of Nebraska at Omaha as a dual major in Psychology and Communication. There I focused on mental health and leadership. Self-care is so important on the journey! The road to success is hard but its supposed to be…or everyone would be traveling in the same lane. The most important thing I’ve learned is to trust the process. You must learn from your mistakes, do everything with a purpose and prioritize God in your life. There is no wrong route to one’s destiny, but various roads one could take on their journey. Just remember why you started and never give up!

@travelwithb2day

Brotha Jah | Founder of YAH LIFE Inc.

YAH LIFE Inc.

Always keep The Most High first and stay true to who you are.

youtube.com/channel/UCRUGwYbtkQ8IUiR5o35V2sw teespring.com/stores/yah-life-inc?page=1 amazon.com/Brotha-Jah/e/B07RJZC8DK?ref_=dbs_p_pbk_r00_abau_000000 @YAHLIFEInc facebook.com/profile.php?id=100015420184568 @yahlifeinc

Cesar Huesca | session guitarist | solo artist from Mexico

@alvarrockgarcia_fotografia

Well, my main lesson on my musical journey conveys to a life lesson which is not judging anyone’s path since we all have different processes throughout existence. We should understand that we live in the same place and we need to take care of our minds, bodies, spirits and emotions, and art is a great way to develop such things to higher levels. Music can be healing in many ways and we must be able to look through the eyes of spirit, calmly and no hurried, one step at a time, with love to everyone and everything.

youtube.com/user/CesarHuescaMusic @huescaguitar

Gabi Kelley | Mom | Writer & Personal Development Coach

God is always good, and we are all created for a purpose!

@gabiruth

Max | a seasoned professional Urban Glamour | Fitness | Cosplay and Event Photographer in the DFW area

Portrait photography must be greater than the sum of its parts. Careful planning, preparation and the ability to adapt to ever changing conditions in near real-time are critical to a successful photo shoot on location. Guiding and communicating with your client is essential. Event photography, on the other hand, is about timing and story telling. Find a story to tell and wait for the perfect millisecond to capture it.

@themeshootspage

Sammi Luna| Health & Wellness Coach

The most important lesson I have learned in my journey so far is that it’s not just about working out your body, it’s 100% completely also about working out your mind. Personal development and mind growth have been a side effect I didn’t know I would have but definitely something I needed! When you start your journey to weight loss and getting healthy, you’re not thinking about anything else but losing the weight. Losing the pounds and the inches and gaining the muscles. You don’t think about the mental toll it will take on you. All your interested in is losing, but my oh my did I gain so much more! Mental health, personal health, and mind growth are just as important as losing the weight. And that has been the best and most important lesson I have learned so far. Every morning I start it off with personal development, set the tone for the day! It really is the only way to start every single day, to live it to the fullest!

@sammi_getsfit  Sammiluna.goherbalife.com

Nathan Clark | Founder: Health & Wellness CBD (H&W CBD)

The most important lesson I have learned in my journey so far is to never doubt yourself. Starting something you truly believe in can be difficult and when you feel like quitting you just have to think about why you started in the first place. I started H&W to help people through similar struggles that I have experienced myself, because I know first hand what it feels like to be in pain.

Creating H&W has been a dream of mine after I experienced how much CBD helped me recover and regulates my pain after a motorcycle wreck back in 2012. It is now my job to reach out to people in need and provide them the purest pharmaceutical grade CBD products on the market. For more information about myself and my company you can visit the about us tab on the website.

hw-cbd.com @hwcbd @hwcbdoil

Aviisway | Creative Director & Filmmaker

The most important thing that I have learned along my journey is that we are all destined to fulfill our desires and everybody should be equally loved and supported. I feel connected to the thrill of life, and being able to capture those moments on a device and share it with the world allows me to tell a story that can’t be explained in words.

@aviisway_ youtube.com/channel/UCy_5KwDj_AX0hTUDrYLyNTg

Brigitte Buckholtz VerHagen | founder of EastsideGems

What is the most important lesson you’ve learned in your journey so far? To celebrate the small achievements, while setting goals for the future. As a momtrepreneur, I have to balance my family and business life and during time of growth that can be difficult. I started with only $200 and continued to reinvest the money into the company so I could obviously grow and offer my followers nicer pieces and sometimes more rare mid century modern designed furniture. And it really took off! We’re primarily an Insta shop, people can come view any item by appointment but we don’t have a retail space or showroom just yet. With the growth we’ve had that can be frustrating! But when I look back to 6 months ago when the company began and see how far we’ve come, I just want to jump with joy! We’ve surpassed all our goals already and those small achievements are BIG! We have future goals and plans in the works but the biggest lesson was to just celebrate how far we’ve come! It’s been a fun ride.

@EastsideGems

Samantha Johnson | Feel Good Artist & Mom

In this journey of, my so far, young life, I have become a mother, but I was an artist first, it was my first baby. In this industry your style is not necessarily everyone else’s style; your feelings, your inspirations. I could spend two minutes on a piece of art and someone think it’s amazing, whereas I may see disappointment. Or I could spend a week on a project and see greatness, where somebody else might see and feel nothing. It’s all about your own journey, your own love, your own aspirations/inspirations, we’re not here to please everyone. And though that will always be understood, making it a reality is different. We like to please others, we want them to see what we see, and that’s life in most aspects. There’s beauty and pride to be had, when you grow and become less worried about everyone else; what they think/have and what you don’t. Instead you invest more in yourself and your craft, no matter what that may be. How I see it…there’s art to be seen in almost everything, and that is what I live by. Art is love, its happiness, hope, and it doesn’t always have to be something you can physically touch. It’s a feeling. And for me, if I can give someone a feeling, something unexplainable, yet so pleasant through my work or personality, I’ve accomplished way more than just a small piece of green paper.

artssoulpurpose.com  @ArtsSoulPurpose  @isthatsammiej

Ryan Wilson | Founder | Lead Photographer of RAW Photography

The most important lesson I have learned in my journey is that everyone’s path is different. I can pay close attention to the road chosen by others and how they handle certain situations, but at the end of the day God has already chosen my path for me. I have to trust that God has already equipped me with everything I need and know that he wouldn’t put anything before me that I can’t handle.

ryanallenwilson.com  @ryanallenwilson

Bo Priest | Key Accounts Manager at Purus Labs

If you want your business to grow, you can’t be too good to do the little things.

@puruslabs @puruslabs  Youtube.com/puruslabsvids

Zach Harris | Producer at RocketBrand

@gorocketbrand

The most important lesson I have learned in my journey so far is that if something can go wrong, it will go wrong; it’s all about how you respond that defines the difference between success and failure.

@harriszach

Neha Bhargava | Blogger | Writer and Digital Marketing Strategist

Finish what you start and start what you believe you can finish. I believe in weighing my options even before I start making decisions. You just can’t bite more than you can chew. There is no redo in life. Whatever decisions you make today, you will be living with them tomorrow.

I have learned to believe that giving up is not an option.

Relationships, marriage, kids, career, business, you jump in with a mission to be successful. Focus all your energy on it. Believe in it. Fight for it. Like there exists no other way. No other way to look at. There is just one thing to do- work hard towards it, finish what you started, and you will be surprised at the contentment you feel with the outcome. I have noticed that when I put everything into achieving my goals, I walk with no regrets. And that is exactly the future I want to live in.

thebeautifulmama.com  @the.momhood.tales @The-Beautiful-Mama

Renae Owens | Founder of The Millennial Market & I Am Still Human

The most important lesson I’ve learned in my journey so far is you can’t run a business without consistency & connections. Those are the main keys of success! Without consistency nobody will believe you & how serious your are in business. You won’t be able to grow and connect with your target audience without consistency. Personal connections & engagement with your audience and even your competitors will allow your brand to go farther than you can imagine!

Millennialmkt.com  @The.millennial.market  @Iam.still.human 

Nadia Massey | Dallas Makeup Artist

topshopculture

The most important lesson I’ve learned through out my journey so far… quality is definitely more important than quantity, and consistency is key to all accomplishments. Successful people do consistently what everyone else does occasionally.

Ariel Hayes | Biology Major | HBCU Cheerleader

I’ve learned that God is the only person you have at the end of the day. That’s one person you can vent to that will actually listen and forever be by your side. No matter what you go through God is the only person that will be able to turn things around. Without him I’m nothing. God is a daily medicine and if you don’t seek him it’s hard to keep going.

@WeKnowShe_Ariel youtube.com/channel/UCyF_Iace26MOEgz2iA0MPNA?view_as=subscriber

Ramon Medina | Personal Trainer & Donut Enthusiast

I’ve learned that every experience, good or bad, is a chance to learn and grow. The best trainers in the industry are the trainers that are always willing to learn more, whether that be different movement styles, training techniques, or from life mistakes. Fitness is always progressing and when you box yourself in, you miss out on the opportunity to give your clients a well rounded transformation. Stay open to change, stay open to suggestions, be willing to be part of a team, and always be willing to trust and learn from those around you.

@bodyxramon

Arianna Klaus | sustainable fashion enthusiast & creative

Most important lesson so far: don’t let fear/perfectionism get in the way of creating and doing what you love! We can go our whole lives with the self-imposed limitations and never start anything because we think it’s not good enough or that it won’t work. Freeing your perspective from those thoughts frees YOU to live fully and more abundantly.

youtube.com/therecreative

Janie Lovvorn | Mom | Blogger & Photographer

The most important lesson I’ve learned is to never underestimate the peace that comes when we put our faith and trust in Jesus Christ. No matter what we face in life, there is hope knowing that the creator of it all loves us unconditionally and has a plan for you and me. This relationship continues to encourage me daily in so many ways – not to worry, to live a life of gratitude and to love as Jesus loved.

Joshua Graphk Argee | Recording artist

I’ve learned over time to put nothing over God and Family.

youtube.com/user/Goondox916

Kandrea Kincaid | beauty influencer

The most important lesson I’ve learned is that no one path is the same. Everyone’s journey is different. It won’t happen for you, the same way it happened for someone else. What’s for you, IS FOR YOU!

@_kaye.slay

Jarren Avery | Artist & Entrepreneur

The most important lesson I’ve learned so far is patience! You must have patience with yourself, the process; and most importantly, others. Fall in love with the journey and the destination doesn’t seem as far.

linktr.ee/jarrenavery @jarrenavery

Avis Clewis | Personal Stylist

The most important lesson I’ve learned on my journey is that you have to be your own support system. You have to genuinely believe in yourself first, before expecting anyone else to.

@therealavis youtu.be/CZ3mGtYUCdm

Kendrick and Dairon Houston of The Sole Proprietorz | YouTube content creators and sneaker connoisseurs

Our most important lesson would be to trust the process. It isn’t easy to trust the happenings and events of life when nothing is in our favor, and it isn’t easy to be optimistic about it. But that’s where our toughness and resilience is being tested. People who don’t trust the process of their lives cannot expect to excel. With persistence and hard work dreams can become a reality.

youtube.com/TheSoleProprietorz @TheSoleProprietorz

Allyson Nick | Creator of Mommy’s Making Moves and Release Coach

@bitmevents

The biggest thing I have learned while on this journey of starting my business, is that everything is in God’s control. Sometimes we don’t feel capable or worthy of the gifts God gave us but He gave us those gifts because He knows we are capable of using them to a larger capacity. Keep your faith and God as the head of your life and business. Also, mom friends, we have to have time to relax! If you are running on fumes then what are you serving your family? There are different levels of release but the biggest is time to yourself for 20 minutes at least 4 times a week.

  @mommysmakingmoves @mommysmakingmove

The post What’s the Most Important Lesson You’ve Learned Along Your Journey? appeared first on Voyage Dallas Magazine | Dallas City Guide.

source http://voyagedallas.com/2019/07/24/whats-important-lesson-youve-learned-along-journey/

[pitz182]

It's Never Too Late to Change: New Books by Writers in Recovery

Your nerves shot? Mine, too. Winter is a slog and I can’t wait for spring. When I can’t stand one more minute of worrying about the planet, polar bears, politics and hate, I still choose escape. But… instead of rum and cocaine, my go-to is a good book. So, if stress has been dogging you and your bandwidth is low, it’s okay to turn off your gadgets so you can refuel. Breaks from YouTube and the 24/7 news cycle can do wondrous things for the mind. I went radical this week and even turned off my cell. Twitter can consume me if I let it.This month I made time to curl up on the couch with my dog and disappeared into these gems:Never Enough: The Neuroscience and Experience of Addictionby Judith Grisel (Doubleday, Feb. 19, 2019)“My response to being overwhelmed by the deep void was to leap into it.” — Judith GriselJudith Grisel writes about the grizzly years of self-destruction. Stories show the author at her messiest. In a decade, she’d consumed a cornucopia of substances; by age 23, she was a self-loathing mess.The strength of Grisel’s bestseller is her intimate knowledge about the nervous system and addiction. Grisel peppers the pages with unsettling anecdotes, but she does it sans self-pity. Like a journalist, she reports embarrassing and creepy things.“I ripped off stores and stole credit cards when the opportunity presented itself, I was still able to maintain, at least to myself, that I was basically a good person. To an extent, for instance, I could count on my companions, and they could count on me. I say to an extent, because we also knew and expected that we would lie, cheat, or steal from each other if something really important were at stake (that is, drugs).”I never tire of drunken-drugalogues, and Grisel doesn’t disappoint on that front. But telling these stories is not to shock or manipulate readers, nor is Grisel trying to prove she was “a bona fide addict.” Her purpose is to illustrate the bleak existence of those who cannot stop drinking and drugging.When Grisel “finally reached the dead end” where she felt she was “incapable of living either with or without mind-altering substances,” she sought help. After a 28-day rehab and months in a halfway house, she managed to pull her life together. After seven years of study, she earned a PhD in behavioral neuroscience and became an expert in neurobiology, chemistry, and the genetics of addictive behavior.This book doesn't brag about having the answers, but shows what a sober neuroscientist has learned after 20 years of studying how an addicted brain works. She makes it easy to understand why it's so difficult to get sober and maybe even harder to stay that way. It irks me when people say they never think about drugs or alcohol anymore. My first feeling is rage—probably because I’ve never experienced anything like that, despite working hard on myself during 30 years in recovery. Grisel refreshingly writes about the temptation that’s always there.Grisel’s writing communicates succinctly: “A plaque I later saw posted behind a bar described my first experience [with alcohol] precisely: Alcohol makes you feel like you’re supposed to feel when you’re not drinking alcohol.” In another passage, she quotes George Koob, chief of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism: “There are two ways of becoming an alcoholic: either being born one or drinking a lot.” Grisel is careful to explain so you don’t get the wrong idea. “Dr. Koob is not trying to be flip, and the high likelihood that one or the other of these applies to each of us helps explain why the disease is so prevalent.”When she writes about her experiences, it’s candid and clear, and it feels like she’s a friend and we’re chatting in a café. I found myself frequently nodding with identification—like a bobblehead on a car dashboard. It’s a fascinating, absorbing, satisfying book about addiction.Widows-in-Lawby Michele W. Miller (Blackstone Publishing, Feb. 26, 2019)There was a huge turnout at The Mysterious Bookshop in downtown Manhattan on February 26. The event was the book launch of Michele W. Miller’s second novel, Widows-in-Law. Lawrence Block, the wildly successful, sober crime novelist, sat beside Miller in the role of interviewer, and he was as entertaining as ever.See Also: Lawrence Block: One Case at a TimeMiller, a high-level attorney for New York City, said, “Widows-in-Law is about an attorney who dies suddenly in a fire, leaving behind a first wife who’s a streetwise child abuse prosecutor.” She then jokingly added, “who might resemble me a little bit.” That got a big laugh because many attendees knew that Miller had previously worked as a child abuse prosecutor.In a thick and endearing Brooklyn-Queens accent, Miller described the deceased’s second bride. “You know, legs up to the eyeballs…[a] gawgeous trophy wife.” Block jumped in with praise: “That’s the one that resembles you.” Miller blushed and said, “See? That’s why we keep him around for a hundred books. Another big laugh, another inside joke: throughout Block’s astounding career, the well-loved crime writer has churned out 100 books.Miller quickly regained her composure and got back to the novel’s setup: Emily is a 16-year-old from Brian’s first marriage, to Lauren. Shortly before Brian died in the fire, Emily moved in with Brian (and his new wife). Lauren hoped they could reel in the out-of-control teen.The Miller thriller works well. It’s a fast read with dramatic and believable scenes and dialogue. I wanted to dig deeper and find out how much of the novel was fictional. Many novelists write about the worlds they know. Miller agreed to one-on-one time to discuss the three badass women at the center of the story.“Emily’s mom Lauren is my main character. Her backstory includes being a homeless teenager during the 1980s and ‘90s,” Miller said. “Her parents were whacked on drugs so Lauren left. She stayed at a shelter on St. Marks. It’s an iconic recovery building in the East Village.”When I asked which parts of the novel are autobiographical, Miller paused, sucked in a deep breath, then let it out slowly.“Okay,” she said. “Here goes. I’m in my 30th year clean. I was a low-bottom heroin addict.” Miller’s past included a felony arrest for cocaine possession. She was facing 15 to life. To avoid spoilers, suffice it to say that explained why some of the scenes seemed so thoroughly researched.“The book touches on my experiences with jail, illegal after-hours spots, and the complete chaos of addiction,” said Miller, who is now the director of enforcement for the New York City Conflicts of Interest Board. “Basically, that means I’m the chief ethics prosecutor for the city.” She’s aware of the irony. Before getting clean, Miller ran in the same circles as hitmen, such as the infamous Tommy Pitera.“Yeah, we got high together,” said Miller. “People knew him as Tommy Karate because he was into martial arts. But it wasn’t until a book that I found out he was a brutal killer who cut people into little pieces. I was traumatized. We hung out, getting high. I don’t know why he didn’t kill me. I guess he liked me. Maybe because I was an accomplished martial artist?”Miller is proof of how much your life can change when you get sober. She's lucky to have survived her druggy past that included hanging out with murderers. Lawrence Block said, “Michele Miller has had more lives than a cat, and they’ve made her a writer of passion and substance.”After you read Widows-in-Law, check out Miller’s first novel, The Thirteenth Step: Zombie Recovery (HOW Club Press, November 4, 2013). It’s another fast-paced doozy and a finalist in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Awards. Kirkus Reviews wrote, “A humorous and surprising satire of both the zombie apocalypse and the culture of addiction... wholly original... satisfying.... The care taken in both characterization and prose earns the reader’s time. A well-written, thoughtful treatment not just of a popular literary trope but of a nagging social issue.”The Addiction Spectrum: A Compassionate Approach to Recovery by Paul Thomas, MD, and Jennifer Margulis, PhD. (HarperOne, Sept. 4. 2018)Paul Thomas, MD, is board certified in integrative and holistic medicine and addiction medicine—he’s also in recovery.“Addiction isn’t about willpower or blame,” he said. “It’s a disease that, like many other conditions, exists on a spectrum.” The spectrum is about how severely you crave your substance of choice when you don’t have it. It’s about how serious your health consequences are. Death, of course, is the worst end of the spectrum.The Addiction Spectrum offers a system that bases the individual’s needs on where they are on the spectrum. Thomas offers seven key methods for healing, whether you’re active in addiction or already in recovery. “Doctors need a new approach to treating pain,” said Thomas. He mentioned the hazards of painkillers within the medical community, “My wife is a nurse and recovering opiate addict,” he said. The book is about any addiction—alcohol, marijuana, opioids, meth, technology. Co-author Jennifer Margulis, PhD, is an award-winning science journalist who’s been writing books about children’s health for over 10 years.“Making love, eating delicious food,” said Margulis, “these activities release dopamine and make you feel good. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel good. But using heroin or abusing prescription opioids or even excessive computer gaming or binge eating will harm your brain. Too many young people think, ‘Hey, I’m just having fun.’ But there is nothing fun about dying from an overdose.”But what is it about right now that can explain the drug epidemic?“We’re animals, wired to avoid danger and seek pleasure,” Thomas said. “We scan for threats and have an immediate fight, flight or freeze reaction. We’re talking about dopamine and epinephrine (adrenaline) responses.”Margulis agreed: “with cell phone alerts, video games, 24/7 news and high stress from work or school, we are overloaded. We can become addicted to food, social media, cigarettes, and a bunch of other substances and behaviors.”Both Thomas and Margulis agree it is time to start looking at the root causes. Why is there an increase in mood disorders, fatigue, and addiction? The book answers so many questions and I learned a lot about how to treat my body and mind better. The writing style makes it easy reading—nothing too tough to get through and very practical.The most anticipated book on my list isn’t out yet, but I’ve been lucky enough to read a sample chapter.Strung Outby Erin Khar (HarperCollins|Park Row Books, Feb. 2020)Erin Khar’s much-anticipated memoir will hit the shelves in early 2020. It’s the story of Khar’s decade-long battle with opioids, but it goes even further by searching for answers. Why is it that some people can do drugs and stop, while others become addicted? She explores possible reasons for America’s current drug crisis and its soaring death toll. The CDC statistics are staggering. From 1999 to 2017, more than 700,000 people died from drug overdoses, and 400,000 of those died from an opioid overdose. This epidemic is devouring our nation.Khar’s writing beat includes addiction, recovery, mental health, relationships, and self-care. She also writes the “Ask Erin” column for Ravishly.For a decade, beginning at age 13, she kept her heroin use a secret from friends and family. When she was caught by her then-fiancé, she went to rehab and her book describes her harrowing withdrawal. Three years later, at age 26, she relapsed. Four months later, her using had dragged her to the bottom.Khar, who has written for The Fix, told me, “I’ve been clean from opiates for 15 years!” That’s an enormous achievement for any addict, and in that decade and a half, she’s completely changed her life.From Khar’s essay in Self magazine:“If you had told me 15 years ago that I would be a happily married mother, living in New York City, doing what she loves for a living… I would have laughed.”She hopes that her book will help shatter the stigma; stop the shaming. She describes its genesis: “I wrote the short story 'David' for Cosmonauts Avenue. Agents contacted me about writing a memoir.” After reading her essays, and following her writing career, I’m eager to read a book by this heroine about heroin.Every one of these books is written by a sober writer. They are living proof that people’s lives can change at any time.Mine sure did.Do you have favorite sober authors? Please share them with us in the comments!

[emlydunstan]

It's Never Too Late to Change: New Books by Writers in Recovery

Your nerves shot? Mine, too. Winter is a slog and I can’t wait for spring. When I can’t stand one more minute of worrying about the planet, polar bears, politics and hate, I still choose escape. But… instead of rum and cocaine, my go-to is a good book. So, if stress has been dogging you and your bandwidth is low, it’s okay to turn off your gadgets so you can refuel. Breaks from YouTube and the 24/7 news cycle can do wondrous things for the mind. I went radical this week and even turned off my cell. Twitter can consume me if I let it.This month I made time to curl up on the couch with my dog and disappeared into these gems:Never Enough: The Neuroscience and Experience of Addictionby Judith Grisel (Doubleday, Feb. 19, 2019)“My response to being overwhelmed by the deep void was to leap into it.” — Judith GriselJudith Grisel writes about the grizzly years of self-destruction. Stories show the author at her messiest. In a decade, she’d consumed a cornucopia of substances; by age 23, she was a self-loathing mess.The strength of Grisel’s bestseller is her intimate knowledge about the nervous system and addiction. Grisel peppers the pages with unsettling anecdotes, but she does it sans self-pity. Like a journalist, she reports embarrassing and creepy things.“I ripped off stores and stole credit cards when the opportunity presented itself, I was still able to maintain, at least to myself, that I was basically a good person. To an extent, for instance, I could count on my companions, and they could count on me. I say to an extent, because we also knew and expected that we would lie, cheat, or steal from each other if something really important were at stake (that is, drugs).”I never tire of drunken-drugalogues, and Grisel doesn’t disappoint on that front. But telling these stories is not to shock or manipulate readers, nor is Grisel trying to prove she was “a bona fide addict.” Her purpose is to illustrate the bleak existence of those who cannot stop drinking and drugging.When Grisel “finally reached the dead end” where she felt she was “incapable of living either with or without mind-altering substances,” she sought help. After a 28-day rehab and months in a halfway house, she managed to pull her life together. After seven years of study, she earned a PhD in behavioral neuroscience and became an expert in neurobiology, chemistry, and the genetics of addictive behavior.This book doesn't brag about having the answers, but shows what a sober neuroscientist has learned after 20 years of studying how an addicted brain works. She makes it easy to understand why it's so difficult to get sober and maybe even harder to stay that way. It irks me when people say they never think about drugs or alcohol anymore. My first feeling is rage—probably because I’ve never experienced anything like that, despite working hard on myself during 30 years in recovery. Grisel refreshingly writes about the temptation that’s always there.Grisel’s writing communicates succinctly: “A plaque I later saw posted behind a bar described my first experience [with alcohol] precisely: Alcohol makes you feel like you’re supposed to feel when you’re not drinking alcohol.” In another passage, she quotes George Koob, chief of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism: “There are two ways of becoming an alcoholic: either being born one or drinking a lot.” Grisel is careful to explain so you don’t get the wrong idea. “Dr. Koob is not trying to be flip, and the high likelihood that one or the other of these applies to each of us helps explain why the disease is so prevalent.”When she writes about her experiences, it’s candid and clear, and it feels like she’s a friend and we’re chatting in a café. I found myself frequently nodding with identification—like a bobblehead on a car dashboard. It’s a fascinating, absorbing, satisfying book about addiction.Widows-in-Lawby Michele W. Miller (Blackstone Publishing, Feb. 26, 2019)There was a huge turnout at The Mysterious Bookshop in downtown Manhattan on February 26. The event was the book launch of Michele W. Miller’s second novel, Widows-in-Law. Lawrence Block, the wildly successful, sober crime novelist, sat beside Miller in the role of interviewer, and he was as entertaining as ever.See Also: Lawrence Block: One Case at a TimeMiller, a high-level attorney for New York City, said, “Widows-in-Law is about an attorney who dies suddenly in a fire, leaving behind a first wife who’s a streetwise child abuse prosecutor.” She then jokingly added, “who might resemble me a little bit.” That got a big laugh because many attendees knew that Miller had previously worked as a child abuse prosecutor.In a thick and endearing Brooklyn-Queens accent, Miller described the deceased’s second bride. “You know, legs up to the eyeballs…[a] gawgeous trophy wife.” Block jumped in with praise: “That’s the one that resembles you.” Miller blushed and said, “See? That’s why we keep him around for a hundred books. Another big laugh, another inside joke: throughout Block’s astounding career, the well-loved crime writer has churned out 100 books.Miller quickly regained her composure and got back to the novel’s setup: Emily is a 16-year-old from Brian’s first marriage, to Lauren. Shortly before Brian died in the fire, Emily moved in with Brian (and his new wife). Lauren hoped they could reel in the out-of-control teen.The Miller thriller works well. It’s a fast read with dramatic and believable scenes and dialogue. I wanted to dig deeper and find out how much of the novel was fictional. Many novelists write about the worlds they know. Miller agreed to one-on-one time to discuss the three badass women at the center of the story.“Emily’s mom Lauren is my main character. Her backstory includes being a homeless teenager during the 1980s and ‘90s,” Miller said. “Her parents were whacked on drugs so Lauren left. She stayed at a shelter on St. Marks. It’s an iconic recovery building in the East Village.”When I asked which parts of the novel are autobiographical, Miller paused, sucked in a deep breath, then let it out slowly.“Okay,” she said. “Here goes. I’m in my 30th year clean. I was a low-bottom heroin addict.” Miller’s past included a felony arrest for cocaine possession. She was facing 15 to life. To avoid spoilers, suffice it to say that explained why some of the scenes seemed so thoroughly researched.“The book touches on my experiences with jail, illegal after-hours spots, and the complete chaos of addiction,” said Miller, who is now the director of enforcement for the New York City Conflicts of Interest Board. “Basically, that means I’m the chief ethics prosecutor for the city.” She’s aware of the irony. Before getting clean, Miller ran in the same circles as hitmen, such as the infamous Tommy Pitera.“Yeah, we got high together,” said Miller. “People knew him as Tommy Karate because he was into martial arts. But it wasn’t until a book that I found out he was a brutal killer who cut people into little pieces. I was traumatized. We hung out, getting high. I don’t know why he didn’t kill me. I guess he liked me. Maybe because I was an accomplished martial artist?”Miller is proof of how much your life can change when you get sober. She's lucky to have survived her druggy past that included hanging out with murderers. Lawrence Block said, “Michele Miller has had more lives than a cat, and they’ve made her a writer of passion and substance.”After you read Widows-in-Law, check out Miller’s first novel, The Thirteenth Step: Zombie Recovery (HOW Club Press, November 4, 2013). It’s another fast-paced doozy and a finalist in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Awards. Kirkus Reviews wrote, “A humorous and surprising satire of both the zombie apocalypse and the culture of addiction... wholly original... satisfying.... The care taken in both characterization and prose earns the reader’s time. A well-written, thoughtful treatment not just of a popular literary trope but of a nagging social issue.”The Addiction Spectrum: A Compassionate Approach to Recovery by Paul Thomas, MD, and Jennifer Margulis, PhD. (HarperOne, Sept. 4. 2018)Paul Thomas, MD, is board certified in integrative and holistic medicine and addiction medicine—he’s also in recovery.“Addiction isn’t about willpower or blame,” he said. “It’s a disease that, like many other conditions, exists on a spectrum.” The spectrum is about how severely you crave your substance of choice when you don’t have it. It’s about how serious your health consequences are. Death, of course, is the worst end of the spectrum.The Addiction Spectrum offers a system that bases the individual’s needs on where they are on the spectrum. Thomas offers seven key methods for healing, whether you’re active in addiction or already in recovery. “Doctors need a new approach to treating pain,” said Thomas. He mentioned the hazards of painkillers within the medical community, “My wife is a nurse and recovering opiate addict,” he said. The book is about any addiction—alcohol, marijuana, opioids, meth, technology. Co-author Jennifer Margulis, PhD, is an award-winning science journalist who’s been writing books about children’s health for over 10 years.“Making love, eating delicious food,” said Margulis, “these activities release dopamine and make you feel good. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel good. But using heroin or abusing prescription opioids or even excessive computer gaming or binge eating will harm your brain. Too many young people think, ‘Hey, I’m just having fun.’ But there is nothing fun about dying from an overdose.”But what is it about right now that can explain the drug epidemic?“We’re animals, wired to avoid danger and seek pleasure,” Thomas said. “We scan for threats and have an immediate fight, flight or freeze reaction. We’re talking about dopamine and epinephrine (adrenaline) responses.”Margulis agreed: “with cell phone alerts, video games, 24/7 news and high stress from work or school, we are overloaded. We can become addicted to food, social media, cigarettes, and a bunch of other substances and behaviors.”Both Thomas and Margulis agree it is time to start looking at the root causes. Why is there an increase in mood disorders, fatigue, and addiction? The book answers so many questions and I learned a lot about how to treat my body and mind better. The writing style makes it easy reading—nothing too tough to get through and very practical.The most anticipated book on my list isn’t out yet, but I’ve been lucky enough to read a sample chapter.Strung Outby Erin Khar (HarperCollins|Park Row Books, Feb. 2020)Erin Khar’s much-anticipated memoir will hit the shelves in early 2020. It’s the story of Khar’s decade-long battle with opioids, but it goes even further by searching for answers. Why is it that some people can do drugs and stop, while others become addicted? She explores possible reasons for America’s current drug crisis and its soaring death toll. The CDC statistics are staggering. From 1999 to 2017, more than 700,000 people died from drug overdoses, and 400,000 of those died from an opioid overdose. This epidemic is devouring our nation.Khar’s writing beat includes addiction, recovery, mental health, relationships, and self-care. She also writes the “Ask Erin” column for Ravishly.For a decade, beginning at age 13, she kept her heroin use a secret from friends and family. When she was caught by her then-fiancé, she went to rehab and her book describes her harrowing withdrawal. Three years later, at age 26, she relapsed. Four months later, her using had dragged her to the bottom.Khar, who has written for The Fix, told me, “I’ve been clean from opiates for 15 years!” That’s an enormous achievement for any addict, and in that decade and a half, she’s completely changed her life.From Khar’s essay in Self magazine:“If you had told me 15 years ago that I would be a happily married mother, living in New York City, doing what she loves for a living… I would have laughed.”She hopes that her book will help shatter the stigma; stop the shaming. She describes its genesis: “I wrote the short story 'David' for Cosmonauts Avenue. Agents contacted me about writing a memoir.” After reading her essays, and following her writing career, I’m eager to read a book by this heroine about heroin.Every one of these books is written by a sober writer. They are living proof that people’s lives can change at any time.Mine sure did.Do you have favorite sober authors? Please share them with us in the comments!

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8241841 https://www.thefix.com/its-never-too-late-change-new-books-writers-recovery

[alexdmorgan30]

It's Never Too Late to Change: New Books by Writers in Recovery

Your nerves shot? Mine, too. Winter is a slog and I can’t wait for spring. When I can’t stand one more minute of worrying about the planet, polar bears, politics and hate, I still choose escape. But… instead of rum and cocaine, my go-to is a good book. So, if stress has been dogging you and your bandwidth is low, it’s okay to turn off your gadgets so you can refuel. Breaks from YouTube and the 24/7 news cycle can do wondrous things for the mind. I went radical this week and even turned off my cell. Twitter can consume me if I let it.This month I made time to curl up on the couch with my dog and disappeared into these gems:Never Enough: The Neuroscience and Experience of Addictionby Judith Grisel (Doubleday, Feb. 19, 2019)“My response to being overwhelmed by the deep void was to leap into it.” — Judith GriselJudith Grisel writes about the grizzly years of self-destruction. Stories show the author at her messiest. In a decade, she’d consumed a cornucopia of substances; by age 23, she was a self-loathing mess.The strength of Grisel’s bestseller is her intimate knowledge about the nervous system and addiction. Grisel peppers the pages with unsettling anecdotes, but she does it sans self-pity. Like a journalist, she reports embarrassing and creepy things.“I ripped off stores and stole credit cards when the opportunity presented itself, I was still able to maintain, at least to myself, that I was basically a good person. To an extent, for instance, I could count on my companions, and they could count on me. I say to an extent, because we also knew and expected that we would lie, cheat, or steal from each other if something really important were at stake (that is, drugs).”I never tire of drunken-drugalogues, and Grisel doesn’t disappoint on that front. But telling these stories is not to shock or manipulate readers, nor is Grisel trying to prove she was “a bona fide addict.” Her purpose is to illustrate the bleak existence of those who cannot stop drinking and drugging.When Grisel “finally reached the dead end” where she felt she was “incapable of living either with or without mind-altering substances,” she sought help. After a 28-day rehab and months in a halfway house, she managed to pull her life together. After seven years of study, she earned a PhD in behavioral neuroscience and became an expert in neurobiology, chemistry, and the genetics of addictive behavior.This book doesn't brag about having the answers, but shows what a sober neuroscientist has learned after 20 years of studying how an addicted brain works. She makes it easy to understand why it's so difficult to get sober and maybe even harder to stay that way. It irks me when people say they never think about drugs or alcohol anymore. My first feeling is rage—probably because I’ve never experienced anything like that, despite working hard on myself during 30 years in recovery. Grisel refreshingly writes about the temptation that’s always there.Grisel’s writing communicates succinctly: “A plaque I later saw posted behind a bar described my first experience [with alcohol] precisely: Alcohol makes you feel like you’re supposed to feel when you’re not drinking alcohol.” In another passage, she quotes George Koob, chief of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism: “There are two ways of becoming an alcoholic: either being born one or drinking a lot.” Grisel is careful to explain so you don’t get the wrong idea. “Dr. Koob is not trying to be flip, and the high likelihood that one or the other of these applies to each of us helps explain why the disease is so prevalent.”When she writes about her experiences, it’s candid and clear, and it feels like she’s a friend and we’re chatting in a café. I found myself frequently nodding with identification—like a bobblehead on a car dashboard. It’s a fascinating, absorbing, satisfying book about addiction.Widows-in-Lawby Michele W. Miller (Blackstone Publishing, Feb. 26, 2019)There was a huge turnout at The Mysterious Bookshop in downtown Manhattan on February 26. The event was the book launch of Michele W. Miller’s second novel, Widows-in-Law. Lawrence Block, the wildly successful, sober crime novelist, sat beside Miller in the role of interviewer, and he was as entertaining as ever.See Also: Lawrence Block: One Case at a TimeMiller, a high-level attorney for New York City, said, “Widows-in-Law is about an attorney who dies suddenly in a fire, leaving behind a first wife who’s a streetwise child abuse prosecutor.” She then jokingly added, “who might resemble me a little bit.” That got a big laugh because many attendees knew that Miller had previously worked as a child abuse prosecutor.In a thick and endearing Brooklyn-Queens accent, Miller described the deceased’s second bride. “You know, legs up to the eyeballs…[a] gawgeous trophy wife.” Block jumped in with praise: “That’s the one that resembles you.” Miller blushed and said, “See? That’s why we keep him around for a hundred books. Another big laugh, another inside joke: throughout Block’s astounding career, the well-loved crime writer has churned out 100 books.Miller quickly regained her composure and got back to the novel’s setup: Emily is a 16-year-old from Brian’s first marriage, to Lauren. Shortly before Brian died in the fire, Emily moved in with Brian (and his new wife). Lauren hoped they could reel in the out-of-control teen.The Miller thriller works well. It’s a fast read with dramatic and believable scenes and dialogue. I wanted to dig deeper and find out how much of the novel was fictional. Many novelists write about the worlds they know. Miller agreed to one-on-one time to discuss the three badass women at the center of the story.“Emily’s mom Lauren is my main character. Her backstory includes being a homeless teenager during the 1980s and ‘90s,” Miller said. “Her parents were whacked on drugs so Lauren left. She stayed at a shelter on St. Marks. It’s an iconic recovery building in the East Village.”When I asked which parts of the novel are autobiographical, Miller paused, sucked in a deep breath, then let it out slowly.“Okay,” she said. “Here goes. I’m in my 30th year clean. I was a low-bottom heroin addict.” Miller’s past included a felony arrest for cocaine possession. She was facing 15 to life. To avoid spoilers, suffice it to say that explained why some of the scenes seemed so thoroughly researched.“The book touches on my experiences with jail, illegal after-hours spots, and the complete chaos of addiction,” said Miller, who is now the director of enforcement for the New York City Conflicts of Interest Board. “Basically, that means I’m the chief ethics prosecutor for the city.” She’s aware of the irony. Before getting clean, Miller ran in the same circles as hitmen, such as the infamous Tommy Pitera.“Yeah, we got high together,” said Miller. “People knew him as Tommy Karate because he was into martial arts. But it wasn’t until a book that I found out he was a brutal killer who cut people into little pieces. I was traumatized. We hung out, getting high. I don’t know why he didn’t kill me. I guess he liked me. Maybe because I was an accomplished martial artist?”Miller is proof of how much your life can change when you get sober. She's lucky to have survived her druggy past that included hanging out with murderers. Lawrence Block said, “Michele Miller has had more lives than a cat, and they’ve made her a writer of passion and substance.”After you read Widows-in-Law, check out Miller’s first novel, The Thirteenth Step: Zombie Recovery (HOW Club Press, November 4, 2013). It’s another fast-paced doozy and a finalist in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Awards. Kirkus Reviews wrote, “A humorous and surprising satire of both the zombie apocalypse and the culture of addiction... wholly original... satisfying.... The care taken in both characterization and prose earns the reader’s time. A well-written, thoughtful treatment not just of a popular literary trope but of a nagging social issue.”The Addiction Spectrum: A Compassionate Approach to Recovery by Paul Thomas, MD, and Jennifer Margulis, PhD. (HarperOne, Sept. 4. 2018)Paul Thomas, MD, is board certified in integrative and holistic medicine and addiction medicine—he’s also in recovery.“Addiction isn’t about willpower or blame,” he said. “It’s a disease that, like many other conditions, exists on a spectrum.” The spectrum is about how severely you crave your substance of choice when you don’t have it. It’s about how serious your health consequences are. Death, of course, is the worst end of the spectrum.The Addiction Spectrum offers a system that bases the individual’s needs on where they are on the spectrum. Thomas offers seven key methods for healing, whether you’re active in addiction or already in recovery. “Doctors need a new approach to treating pain,” said Thomas. He mentioned the hazards of painkillers within the medical community, “My wife is a nurse and recovering opiate addict,” he said. The book is about any addiction—alcohol, marijuana, opioids, meth, technology. Co-author Jennifer Margulis, PhD, is an award-winning science journalist who’s been writing books about children’s health for over 10 years.“Making love, eating delicious food,” said Margulis, “these activities release dopamine and make you feel good. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel good. But using heroin or abusing prescription opioids or even excessive computer gaming or binge eating will harm your brain. Too many young people think, ‘Hey, I’m just having fun.’ But there is nothing fun about dying from an overdose.”But what is it about right now that can explain the drug epidemic?“We’re animals, wired to avoid danger and seek pleasure,” Thomas said. “We scan for threats and have an immediate fight, flight or freeze reaction. We’re talking about dopamine and epinephrine (adrenaline) responses.”Margulis agreed: “with cell phone alerts, video games, 24/7 news and high stress from work or school, we are overloaded. We can become addicted to food, social media, cigarettes, and a bunch of other substances and behaviors.”Both Thomas and Margulis agree it is time to start looking at the root causes. Why is there an increase in mood disorders, fatigue, and addiction? The book answers so many questions and I learned a lot about how to treat my body and mind better. The writing style makes it easy reading—nothing too tough to get through and very practical.The most anticipated book on my list isn’t out yet, but I’ve been lucky enough to read a sample chapter.Strung Outby Erin Khar (HarperCollins|Park Row Books, Feb. 2020)Erin Khar’s much-anticipated memoir will hit the shelves in early 2020. It’s the story of Khar’s decade-long battle with opioids, but it goes even further by searching for answers. Why is it that some people can do drugs and stop, while others become addicted? She explores possible reasons for America’s current drug crisis and its soaring death toll. The CDC statistics are staggering. From 1999 to 2017, more than 700,000 people died from drug overdoses, and 400,000 of those died from an opioid overdose. This epidemic is devouring our nation.Khar’s writing beat includes addiction, recovery, mental health, relationships, and self-care. She also writes the “Ask Erin” column for Ravishly.For a decade, beginning at age 13, she kept her heroin use a secret from friends and family. When she was caught by her then-fiancé, she went to rehab and her book describes her harrowing withdrawal. Three years later, at age 26, she relapsed. Four months later, her using had dragged her to the bottom.Khar, who has written for The Fix, told me, “I’ve been clean from opiates for 15 years!” That’s an enormous achievement for any addict, and in that decade and a half, she’s completely changed her life.From Khar’s essay in Self magazine:“If you had told me 15 years ago that I would be a happily married mother, living in New York City, doing what she loves for a living… I would have laughed.”She hopes that her book will help shatter the stigma; stop the shaming. She describes its genesis: “I wrote the short story 'David' for Cosmonauts Avenue. Agents contacted me about writing a memoir.” After reading her essays, and following her writing career, I’m eager to read a book by this heroine about heroin.Every one of these books is written by a sober writer. They are living proof that people’s lives can change at any time.Mine sure did.Do you have favorite sober authors? Please share them with us in the comments!

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8241841 https://ift.tt/2UEuCbv

[marineforecasterapp]

New Post has been published on https://marineforecaster.com/hotel-echo-lima-papa/

Hotel Echo Lima Papa = ?

Communication is a Two-way Process,

How do we communicate with other people when sailing? Wave?

There is an old joke about a swimmer gesticulating frantically, ‘Is he waving or drowning?’

Any right-minded person would assume the worst and go to their assistance just in case. However, it does make a valid point about communication. According to studies only 7% of our communication is verbal, whilst 55% is physical nonverbal, and the remaining 38% is tone or the way that we say it. Next time you have a conversation with someone try and mentally step back and check this out, for example, to a child if you say stop in a conversational tone, they probably will continue doing whatever they are doping, however, if Mom or Pa says ‘STOP!’ in command mode (especially Mom) chances are they will stop what they are doing.

My point is that communications become more difficult when we cannot see the other person with whom we are trying to communicate, and that applies to people who sail or fly etc. Therefore, we need to communicate clearly in a way that says what we need to say succinctly and in a commonly understood format. NB. No slang, profanities, or offensive language.

Sailing is great fun for all our boating friends but doing so without a means of communicating when things go wrong is counter intuitive. OK, coastal boaters in familiar waters may say, ‘who needs a radio?’, whilst serious boaters would not go to sea without. Online communications are superb and have a part to play increasingly, however for the moment let’s look at radio comms because they are still the most effective means of communication for most boating folks.

A Marine Radio is a VHF (very high frequency) radio that operates between 156 and 174mega Hertz, in some countries additional channels are used. Marine radio is installed as standard on larger ships and on the majority of sea-going boats (and on some inland waters too), marine radios are vital in calling for assistance in an emergency plus contacting Marinas and Harbours. Marine sets are transceivers allowing two-way contact, only operating on standard frequencies or channels. Channel 16 – 156.8 MHz being the international distress channel. Transmission power ranges between 1 and 25 watts, giving a maximum range  5 nautical miles (9 km; 6 mi) between aerials mounted on small boats at sea level. FM or  Frequency modulation used, with vertical polarization, meaning that antennas have to be vertical in order to have good reception.

Modern-day marine VHF radios offer basic transmit and receive capabilities, check with your chandlery or specialist supplier for advice on the best choice for your needs. Permanently mounted marine VHF radios on seagoing vessels are required to have certification of some level of “Digital Selective Calling” (DSC) capability, to allow a distress signal to be sent with a single button press.

That’s the tech stuff, we urge all sea going boaters to not only make sure their marine radio is in good working order but that they are aware of how to use it before setting sail.

To facilitate communication when using your marine radio it helps to remember that a/ pronunciation is very important, b/ language – ensure that you use recognisably language – and keep to the rules for language use, and c/ because you cannot see the other person you are down to 7% of your communications capability so making yourself understood is paramount. Speak clearly and check regularly that the recipient understands.

English language is universally used in marine communications although this may not always be the case at a local level – where many boaters do their sailing.

To make communications easier in English the NATO phonetic alphabet to enunciate words that could be misunderstood, the words ‘red and read’, ‘wood – would’, for example.

 Alfa, Bravo, Charlie, Delta, Echo, Foxtrot, Golf, Hotel, India, Juliett, Kilo, Lima, Mike, November, Oscar, Papa, Quebec, Romeo, Sierra, Tango, Uniform, Victor, Whiskey, X-ray, Yankee, Zulu.

Hotel Echo Lima Papa = Help for example.

Professional advice and tuition in the use of Marine Radio is a life saver, literally, do not go to sea in any vessel without knowing the basics.

Sail safe.

Marineforecaster

Author: R. Langley

[njawaidofficial]

Professor Celebrates Death of "Racist" Barbara Bush

https://styleveryday.com/2018/04/18/professor-celebrates-death-of-racist-barbara-bush/

Professor Celebrates Death of "Racist" Barbara Bush

Former First Lady Barbara Bush passed away on Tuesday. She was 92.

A Fresno State professor tweeted out some accusations about the First Lady, and more or less danced on her grave.

The backlash was intense. The personal consequences may be more so.

A lot of people indulge the impulse to express delight when a famous person dies.

Often, they deserve it. But most people agree that Barbara Bush’s death does not need to be celebrated.

Professor Randa Jarrar, however, is not most people.

She tweeted:

“Barbara Bush was a generous and smart and amazing racist who, along with her husband, raised a war criminal. F–k outta here with your nice words.”

She received thousands of replies and even spent a few hours debating people. She has since made her Twitter account private.

Free speech does not mean freedom from consequences, however.

She has since revealed:

“Currently on leave from Fresno State. This is my private account and represents my opinions.”

Fresno State, in the mean time, has put out a statement reading:

“On behalf of Fresno State, I extend my deepest condolences to the Bush family on the loss of our former First Lady, Barbara Bush.”

That’s an appropriate way to start.

“We share the deep concerns expressed by others over the personal comments made today by Professor Randa Jarrar, a professor in the English Department at Fresno State.”

They emphasize something that is very important, however.

“Her statements were made as a private citizen, not as a representative of Fresno State.”

That won’t prevent certain anti-education opportunists from trying to frame her as a typical “university elite” or whatever.

“Professor Jarrar’s expressed personal views and commentary are obviously contrary to the core values of our University, which include respect and empathy for individuals with divergent points of view, and a sincere commitment to mutual understanding and progress.”

It’s difficult to prove that Barbara Bush was or was not a racist, so let’s look at the other “accusation” leveled against her — regarding who one of her sons grew up to be.

Was the US Invasion of Iraq perpetrated under pretenses that were later revealed to be false, deceiving the international community and the American public?

Yes.

Did the Bush Administration commit acts that many consider to be war crimes during that extended conflict and during the global “War on Terror,” including torturing enemy soldiers and also some people who were found to be innocent?

Also yes.

But while he may have had the literacy level of a child, George W. Bush was a grown man. Like, in his fifties. Also, he was the President of the United States.

And while it’s unlikely that he’ll ever be held accountable — unless you believe in Hell — for the atrocities committed during his Presidency, that doesn’t mean that we shift the blame to his mom.

What is important to remember about Barbara Bush is that she was widely considered to be George H. W. Bush’s better half.

For example, she supported the Equal Rights Amendment and was vocally pro-choice, unlike most of the Republican establishment in recent decades.

She avoided commenting on her political views during her husband’s candidacy out of fear that she would alienate his voter base.

But even if she had not been as good as she was, she was never President herself, nor was she a monster.

With that in mind, don’t her grandchildren and great-grandchildren deserve consideration?

Say what you will about actual Presidents, but it seems unethical to express this kind of glee simply because you disliked her husband and son.

Personally, I’m not an advocate for pretending that someone was better than they actually were just because they died.

But I certainly don’t support pretending that they were worse, either.

Celebrate the deaths of bad people if you want to, but don’t target their relatives in your zeal.

Randa Jarrar exercised her right to free speech. But that right does not exempt her from consequences of her words, personally or professionally.

Now … does it make sense for her to be placed on leave for that simple tweet (and the tweetstorm that followed)? It might.

This doesn’t seem like something that should get her fired, however.

She’s not advocating violence or a violent ideology anywhere that we’ve seen.

It seems that she’s just being unkind on her own personal social media.

$script.ready('application',function() $script("//connect.facebook.net/en_US/sdk.js#xfbml=1&version=v2.4&appId=277650442346327", 'facebook'); );

[sabrinajulie]

The Attorney’s Role in Commercial Transactions

As a transactional lawyer, I’ve seen the attorney’s role in commercial transactions has changed dramatically over the past several years. It is not always possible to wait for the client to request the preparation or review of documents.  In many instances, the attorney must now assist the client in finding or creating business opportunities.

Sophisticated clients demand top performance from their attorneys. This goes beyond qualifications and experience. Transactions today are usually much more fragile, and the attorney must have the sense and perception to hold them together and then successfully close them.

At a time when client loyalty to attorneys is low, there is also a great deal of pressure on the legal profession to contain legal fees. Also, with the usual transaction being more complex and short fused, specialization and automation are essential.

While a successful result is paramount, an attorney must maintain a high ethical and professional level. The attorney must be a stabilizing influence and should avoid and try to stop senseless bickering between attorneys. The effective attorney need not use the so-called junkyard dog tactics and instead can be a team player.  Additionally, the attorney must keep the client informed so that the client, rather than the attorney, can make the business decisions.

The Lawyer’s Scope of Responsibility

The business community is looking more frequently to attorneys to locate sources of funds. This requires a knowledge of the capital markets and those who are active in it. This may be accomplished through a direct introduction to the source or to one who has access, such as a mortgage broker or investment banker.

The structure of transactions is now much more complex and usually involves more than one source of funds. For example, current underwriting criteria of lenders requires substantial equity in a project. If an investor does not have the necessary cash or is not willing to part with it, then another level of funding must be added.  This may be an investor, a partner or an equity lender.

It may be necessary to structure a business organization for a party or to tailor a transaction to satisfy a particular need. In addition, tax issues are common and a transaction may involve complicated governmental regulation. This would be the case in the sale of a security which, if not exempt, requires a registration.

The documentation for a transaction cannot be the main focus. It must also be simple and concise, yet complete and fair. So that the business terms are clearly understood, it may still be wise to start with a letter of intent which can also serve as an executive summary of the transaction. The requirement of a legal opinion is becoming more common and is not limited to institutional transactions.

Business relationships and agreements are difficult to establish and a challenge to keep intact. For this reason, an attorney must manage or assist in the management of the transaction until it is closed. This involves regular and clear communication and trouble shooting where required. An attorney with an inflated ego or a contentious personality does not have a place in the transactions of today.

Transaction Attorney’s Fees

In too many instances, the cost of the legal work is more important to the client than any other aspect of the engagement of the attorney. If clients require a flat fee or other controls on the costs, the scope of work and amount of time to be expended by the attorney must be clearly defined. Although a percentage fee may also have a place in a transaction, it may be more suitable as a finder’s fee or creating an opportunity rather than for performance of legal services.  The fee determination is often based more on value than time.  Also, part or all of the fees may be contingent upon achieving a successful result. An attorney may not always be able to accommodate this request because of ethical or financial reasons.

There are rare occasions where a one-line billing statement at the end of a project is appropriate. Usually, the billing statements should contain sufficient detail so that the client can understand the work that was performed and the costs that were advanced. The statements should be sent on a regular basis, usually monthly.

Hopefully, the competition between attorneys and others providing similar services will not put them into a bidding war for the work. As the old adage goes, “you get what you pay for,” and quality may be sacrificed. Also, it would be a mistake to put too much emphasis on an hourly rate, since excessive hours from an inexperienced attorney will nullify the benefit of a low hourly rate.

Written Fee Agreement

The scope of the work and legal fees must be discussed at the outset. The fee arrangement must be confirmed in a fee letter or agreement. The client should understand that the attorney is in the business of selling legal and related services, and the attorney should know that the client is entitled to expect and receive competent and timely legal services for a fair fee.

In engaging an attorney, the client should ask about the attorney’s experience, reputation, prior successes and availability.  Also, the existence of adequate errors and omissions insurance coverage should be discussed. The client should be fair in its dealings with the attorney but should not tolerate any deficiencies in the work or conduct of the attorney.

An attorney should be retained early in the transaction and kept involved in the important stages. This will ensure that all of the deal points have been negotiated and are included in the final documentation. A good relationship between the attorney and the client is based upon mutual respect.  A cooperative effort will go a long way in achieving a successful result.

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When you need a transactional commercial attorney, call Ascent Law for your free consultation (801) 676-5506. We want to help you.

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from Michael Anderson http://www.ascentlawfirm.com/the-attorneys-role-in-commercial-transactions/

from Top Rated Utah Lawyer https://topratedlawyer.wordpress.com/2018/03/28/the-attorneys-role-in-commercial-transactions/

[goodnewsjamaica]

When your business is helping other businesses become better

New Post has been published on http://goodnewsjamaica.com/business/when-your-business-is-helping-other-businesses-become-better/

When your business is helping other businesses become better

Nine years ago Erica Wynter decided, during the height of the recession in Jamaica, to buy a business. And as she went along negotiating with business owners, she realised just how many business owners did not have proper documentation, had nowhere to go for guidance in setting up their business nor did they have a support system for important services such as getting documents around the island.

So instead of buying a business, Wynter started a business to help other businesses.

The former president of the Young Entrepreneurs, Assocation shared about the challenges of being an international business consultant, expanding her offices to Mandeville, mommy guilt and a drive for wealth creation.

Dennise Williams (DW): Now that C & E Innovational Services Limited is nine years old, what business lessons stand out in your mind? That is, what did you learn about yourself as a businesswoman helping other businesses?

Erica Wynter (EW):. I learned that:

A: I am much tougher than I give myself credit for.

B. I am sometimes too hard on myself.

C. I can live below my means and still be happy.

D. To focus on my journey and never to compare myself with others.

E. An attitude of gratitude can. make a big difference in ones level of success.

F. Leave your signature everywhere you go; my signature is my high level of confidence, vibrant personality and infectious smile. Learn that these things can carry me a far way.

G. I am a powerful woman.

H. I sometimes give far too much.

I. I am impatient.

DW: What are Jamaican businesses doing right? What have you observed that we can do better?

EW: When I started nine years ago many, if not most, small businesses were primarily focused on serving Jamaica, not realising that the market size here is not growing.

The standard/quality of their products, services and packaging were also poor. However, we are currently seeing great improvement in that more businesses are getting into export. There are quite a few businesses that are also serving clients locally as well as internationally via the Internet.

Packaging is also looking much more attractive and I like to use Sweetie Ja (Patria) as an example — her sweetie packages are very attractive.

I am recommending that small businesses think globally instead of locally, because whether or not we like it we are no longer just competing with our country men/women but also with international service providers and manufactures via imports. Enhance the quality of products and services.

It’s difficult for small businesses to compete on economies of scale but they can definitely compete with differentiation. Maintain a lean structure and build strong relationships with your internal and external customers. Also, forge alliance, and collaborate by pooling resources together for the benefit of your businesses. Stop trying to do everything by yourself.

DW: There are so many business start-up needs —business plans, tax compliance certificates, national contracts commission certificates, annual returns, payroll, business registration, etc….it can be daunting and a lot of persons don’t bother. What is your view as to what policies can be effected to make doing business in Jamaica easier?

EW: Doing business has become easier over the years and yes it is still a lot to handle as a small business owner. DBJ voucher system has been a big help for many small businesses, the incubator at JBDC along with grants and technical support from Heart Trust, entrepreneurship completion at NHT, among others. However, we need special incentives (tax breaks, special interest rates on loans, grants, technical support for FREE, and special incubators) for young (18-25/30) people who are starting businesses. We need to cut out the double taxation for LLC.

DW: Why did C&E expand to Mandeville? What was the need that you saw there?

EW: That office serves Manchester, St Elizabeth and Clarendon; we are meeting our customers halfway. Therefore, instead of them having to come to Kingston in the maze of doing business, they instead just visit our office and we sort out all the paperwork for them. We are saving them time, money and helping them to be compliant.DW: Tell us about team building. In your experience how can you build a team to build you up in return?

EW: Team building is extremely important. I rely on my team to hold the nuts and bolts of C&E together. The more efficient and reliable the people you have on your team as an entrepreneur, the greater your value.

We do several initiatives at C&E to strengthen the relationship with the staff. First, everyone is led to feel like they are more than just an employee but instead an important part of the comp. We do yearly training, shorts day, funny pics/video day, birthday celebration for staff, among other things. They are also a part of the yearly planning session.

DW: Mommy guilt… it’s real and it has to be managed. What is your strategy to be the best mom to your two children while being the best businesswoman you can be?

EW: This one is indeed a touchy one because I do feel guilty at times. Nonetheless, it seems I’m not doing too badly. I have a very strong support system inclusive of my mom, grandmother, spouse, assistant, and friends. I off some things on them allowing me more time for family. I go on dates with my daughter. My son is now 19 and, trust me, don’t have time for me. I attend most meetings at my daughter’s school, read her stories almost every night, plan family activities and events but, to be honest, I know It’s not enough because sometimes I don’t complete all her assignments on time, I don’t play with her as much as I should, I don’t check on my son as much as I should. Nonetheless these are the things that work for me:

1. Plan out every single second of each day.

2. Teach my children to do things for themselves so that they can help.

3. Schedule my weeks months in advance.

4. Use up the people in my life. My spouse is like my little business reminder; he keeps me in check re: the things I need to do re: business. He is also an entrepreneur, so of course he understands the importance of getting these things done. My assistant does an excellent job with managing the offices; my mom and grandmother mostly assist with my daughter.

5. Make my daughter do exercises that make her tired so she gives me a break.

6. Take some me time (date with my spouse, spa, reading my books, gym) so that I can better serve in my different capacities because whenever I’m extremely tired.

DW: Wealth creation is something that business owners talk about but don’t really have a strategy around. How can business owners create value not only for their community but for themselves?

EW: They can start by taking these simple steps:

1. Spend less and seek to earn more (live below your means).

2. Seek to earn from multiple sources.

3. Save 10-30 per cent of your income for one to two years and then invest it.

4. Learn about investments.

5. Do not get trapped in the middle-class liability maze (buying expensive cars, phones, clothes and living in expensive rental apartments).

6. Acquire assets (things that will increase in value and will earn money for you).

7. Pay yourself.

8. Manage your cash flow and remember the time value of money.

9. Pool resources with friends and family to obtain assets and watch it increase in value:

10. Earn it before you spend it.

11. Pay bills on time so that you do not incur late fees.

12. Keep proper records so that you can be aware of your financial position.

13. Be frugal.

By: Dennise Williams

Original Article Found Herre

[pitz182]

It's Never Too Late to Change: New Books by Writers in Recovery

Your nerves shot? Mine, too. Winter is a slog and I can’t wait for spring. When I can’t stand one more minute of worrying about the planet, polar bears, politics and hate, I still choose escape. But… instead of rum and cocaine, my go-to is a good book. So, if stress has been dogging you and your bandwidth is low, it’s okay to turn off your gadgets so you can refuel. Breaks from YouTube and the 24/7 news cycle can do wondrous things for the mind. I went radical this week and even turned off my cell. Twitter can consume me if I let it.This month I made time to curl up on the couch with my dog and disappeared into these gems:Never Enough: The Neuroscience and Experience of Addictionby Judith Grisel (Doubleday, Feb. 19, 2019)“My response to being overwhelmed by the deep void was to leap into it.” — Judith GriselJudith Grisel writes about the grizzly years of self-destruction. Stories show the author at her messiest. In a decade, she’d consumed a cornucopia of substances; by age 23, she was a self-loathing mess.The strength of Grisel’s bestseller is her intimate knowledge about the nervous system and addiction. Grisel peppers the pages with unsettling anecdotes, but she does it sans self-pity. Like a journalist, she reports embarrassing and creepy things.“I ripped off stores and stole credit cards when the opportunity presented itself, I was still able to maintain, at least to myself, that I was basically a good person. To an extent, for instance, I could count on my companions, and they could count on me. I say to an extent, because we also knew and expected that we would lie, cheat, or steal from each other if something really important were at stake (that is, drugs).”I never tire of drunken-drugalogues, and Grisel doesn’t disappoint on that front. But telling these stories is not to shock or manipulate readers, nor is Grisel trying to prove she was “a bona fide addict.” Her purpose is to illustrate the bleak existence of those who cannot stop drinking and drugging.When Grisel “finally reached the dead end” where she felt she was “incapable of living either with or without mind-altering substances,” she sought help. After a 28-day rehab and months in a halfway house, she managed to pull her life together. After seven years of study, she earned a PhD in behavioral neuroscience and became an expert in neurobiology, chemistry, and the genetics of addictive behavior.This book doesn't brag about having the answers, but shows what a sober neuroscientist has learned after 20 years of studying how an addicted brain works. She makes it easy to understand why it's so difficult to get sober and maybe even harder to stay that way. It irks me when people say they never think about drugs or alcohol anymore. My first feeling is rage—probably because I’ve never experienced anything like that, despite working hard on myself during 30 years in recovery. Grisel refreshingly writes about the temptation that’s always there.Grisel’s writing communicates succinctly: “A plaque I later saw posted behind a bar described my first experience [with alcohol] precisely: Alcohol makes you feel like you’re supposed to feel when you’re not drinking alcohol.” In another passage, she quotes George Koob, chief of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism: “There are two ways of becoming an alcoholic: either being born one or drinking a lot.” Grisel is careful to explain so you don’t get the wrong idea. “Dr. Koob is not trying to be flip, and the high likelihood that one or the other of these applies to each of us helps explain why the disease is so prevalent.”When she writes about her experiences, it’s candid and clear, and it feels like she’s a friend and we’re chatting in a café. I found myself frequently nodding with identification—like a bobblehead on a car dashboard. It’s a fascinating, absorbing, satisfying book about addiction.Widows-in-Lawby Michele W. Miller (Blackstone Publishing, Feb. 26, 2019)There was a huge turnout at The Mysterious Bookshop in downtown Manhattan on February 26. The event was the book launch of Michele W. Miller’s second novel, Widows-in-Law. Lawrence Block, the wildly successful, sober crime novelist, sat beside Miller in the role of interviewer, and he was as entertaining as ever.See Also: Lawrence Block: One Case at a TimeMiller, a high-level attorney for New York City, said, “Widows-in-Law is about an attorney who dies suddenly in a fire, leaving behind a first wife who’s a streetwise child abuse prosecutor.” She then jokingly added, “who might resemble me a little bit.” That got a big laugh because many attendees knew that Miller had previously worked as a child abuse prosecutor.In a thick and endearing Brooklyn-Queens accent, Miller described the deceased’s second bride. “You know, legs up to the eyeballs…[a] gawgeous trophy wife.” Block jumped in with praise: “That’s the one that resembles you.” Miller blushed and said, “See? That’s why we keep him around for a hundred books. Another big laugh, another inside joke: throughout Block’s astounding career, the well-loved crime writer has churned out 100 books.Miller quickly regained her composure and got back to the novel’s setup: Emily is a 16-year-old from Brian’s first marriage, to Lauren. Shortly before Brian died in the fire, Emily moved in with Brian (and his new wife). Lauren hoped they could reel in the out-of-control teen.The Miller thriller works well. It’s a fast read with dramatic and believable scenes and dialogue. I wanted to dig deeper and find out how much of the novel was fictional. Many novelists write about the worlds they know. Miller agreed to one-on-one time to discuss the three badass women at the center of the story.“Emily’s mom Lauren is my main character. Her backstory includes being a homeless teenager during the 1980s and ‘90s,” Miller said. “Her parents were whacked on drugs so Lauren left. She stayed at a shelter on St. Marks. It’s an iconic recovery building in the East Village.”When I asked which parts of the novel are autobiographical, Miller paused, sucked in a deep breath, then let it out slowly.“Okay,” she said. “Here goes. I’m in my 30th year clean. I was a low-bottom heroin addict.” Miller’s past included a felony arrest for cocaine possession. She was facing 15 to life. To avoid spoilers, suffice it to say that explained why some of the scenes seemed so thoroughly researched.“The book touches on my experiences with jail, illegal after-hours spots, and the complete chaos of addiction,” said Miller, who is now the director of enforcement for the New York City Conflicts of Interest Board. “Basically, that means I’m the chief ethics prosecutor for the city.” She’s aware of the irony. Before getting clean, Miller ran in the same circles as hitmen, such as the infamous Tommy Pitera.“Yeah, we got high together,” said Miller. “People knew him as Tommy Karate because he was into martial arts. But it wasn’t until a book that I found out he was a brutal killer who cut people into little pieces. I was traumatized. We hung out, getting high. I don’t know why he didn’t kill me. I guess he liked me. Maybe because I was an accomplished martial artist?”Miller is proof of how much your life can change when you get sober. She's lucky to have survived her druggy past that included hanging out with murderers. Lawrence Block said, “Michele Miller has had more lives than a cat, and they’ve made her a writer of passion and substance.”After you read Widows-in-Law, check out Miller’s first novel, The Thirteenth Step: Zombie Recovery (HOW Club Press, November 4, 2013). It’s another fast-paced doozy and a finalist in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Awards. Kirkus Reviews wrote, “A humorous and surprising satire of both the zombie apocalypse and the culture of addiction... wholly original... satisfying.... The care taken in both characterization and prose earns the reader’s time. A well-written, thoughtful treatment not just of a popular literary trope but of a nagging social issue.”The Addiction Spectrum: A Compassionate Approach to Recovery by Paul Thomas, MD, and Jennifer Margulis, PhD. (HarperOne, Sept. 4. 2018)Paul Thomas, MD, is board certified in integrative and holistic medicine and addiction medicine—he’s also in recovery.“Addiction isn’t about willpower or blame,” he said. “It’s a disease that, like many other conditions, exists on a spectrum.” The spectrum is about how severely you crave your substance of choice when you don’t have it. It’s about how serious your health consequences are. Death, of course, is the worst end of the spectrum.The Addiction Spectrum offers a system that bases the individual’s needs on where they are on the spectrum. Thomas offers seven key methods for healing, whether you’re active in addiction or already in recovery. “Doctors need a new approach to treating pain,” said Thomas. He mentioned the hazards of painkillers within the medical community, “My wife is a nurse and recovering opiate addict,” he said. The book is about any addiction—alcohol, marijuana, opioids, meth, technology. Co-author Jennifer Margulis, PhD, is an award-winning science journalist who’s been writing books about children’s health for over 10 years.“Making love, eating delicious food,” said Margulis, “these activities release dopamine and make you feel good. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel good. But using heroin or abusing prescription opioids or even excessive computer gaming or binge eating will harm your brain. Too many young people think, ‘Hey, I’m just having fun.’ But there is nothing fun about dying from an overdose.”But what is it about right now that can explain the drug epidemic?“We’re animals, wired to avoid danger and seek pleasure,” Thomas said. “We scan for threats and have an immediate fight, flight or freeze reaction. We’re talking about dopamine and epinephrine (adrenaline) responses.”Margulis agreed: “with cell phone alerts, video games, 24/7 news and high stress from work or school, we are overloaded. We can become addicted to food, social media, cigarettes, and a bunch of other substances and behaviors.”Both Thomas and Margulis agree it is time to start looking at the root causes. Why is there an increase in mood disorders, fatigue, and addiction? The book answers so many questions and I learned a lot about how to treat my body and mind better. The writing style makes it easy reading—nothing too tough to get through and very practical.The most anticipated book on my list isn’t out yet, but I’ve been lucky enough to read a sample chapter.Strung Outby Erin Khar (HarperCollins|Park Row Books, Feb. 2020)Erin Khar’s much-anticipated memoir will hit the shelves in early 2020. It’s the story of Khar’s decade-long battle with opioids, but it goes even further by searching for answers. Why is it that some people can do drugs and stop, while others become addicted? She explores possible reasons for America’s current drug crisis and its soaring death toll. The CDC statistics are staggering. From 1999 to 2017, more than 700,000 people died from drug overdoses, and 400,000 of those died from an opioid overdose. This epidemic is devouring our nation.Khar’s writing beat includes addiction, recovery, mental health, relationships, and self-care. She also writes the “Ask Erin” column for Ravishly.For a decade, beginning at age 13, she kept her heroin use a secret from friends and family. When she was caught by her then-fiancé, she went to rehab and her book describes her harrowing withdrawal. Three years later, at age 26, she relapsed. Four months later, her using had dragged her to the bottom.Khar, who has written for The Fix, told me, “I’ve been clean from opiates for 15 years!” That’s an enormous achievement for any addict, and in that decade and a half, she’s completely changed her life.From Khar’s essay in Self magazine:“If you had told me 15 years ago that I would be a happily married mother, living in New York City, doing what she loves for a living… I would have laughed.”She hopes that her book will help shatter the stigma; stop the shaming. She describes its genesis: “I wrote the short story 'David' for Cosmonauts Avenue. Agents contacted me about writing a memoir.” After reading her essays, and following her writing career, I’m eager to read a book by this heroine about heroin.Every one of these books is written by a sober writer. They are living proof that people’s lives can change at any time.Mine sure did.Do you have favorite sober authors? Please share them with us in the comments!

[emlydunstan]

It's Never Too Late to Change: New Books by Writers in Recovery

Your nerves shot? Mine, too. Winter is a slog and I can’t wait for spring. When I can’t stand one more minute of worrying about the planet, polar bears, politics and hate, I still choose escape. But… instead of rum and cocaine, my go-to is a good book. So, if stress has been dogging you and your bandwidth is low, it’s okay to turn off your gadgets so you can refuel. Breaks from YouTube and the 24/7 news cycle can do wondrous things for the mind. I went radical this week and even turned off my cell. Twitter can consume me if I let it.This month I made time to curl up on the couch with my dog and disappeared into these gems:Never Enough: The Neuroscience and Experience of Addictionby Judith Grisel (Doubleday, Feb. 19, 2019)“My response to being overwhelmed by the deep void was to leap into it.” — Judith GriselJudith Grisel writes about the grizzly years of self-destruction. Stories show the author at her messiest. In a decade, she’d consumed a cornucopia of substances; by age 23, she was a self-loathing mess.The strength of Grisel’s bestseller is her intimate knowledge about the nervous system and addiction. Grisel peppers the pages with unsettling anecdotes, but she does it sans self-pity. Like a journalist, she reports embarrassing and creepy things.“I ripped off stores and stole credit cards when the opportunity presented itself, I was still able to maintain, at least to myself, that I was basically a good person. To an extent, for instance, I could count on my companions, and they could count on me. I say to an extent, because we also knew and expected that we would lie, cheat, or steal from each other if something really important were at stake (that is, drugs).”I never tire of drunken-drugalogues, and Grisel doesn’t disappoint on that front. But telling these stories is not to shock or manipulate readers, nor is Grisel trying to prove she was “a bona fide addict.” Her purpose is to illustrate the bleak existence of those who cannot stop drinking and drugging.When Grisel “finally reached the dead end” where she felt she was “incapable of living either with or without mind-altering substances,” she sought help. After a 28-day rehab and months in a halfway house, she managed to pull her life together. After seven years of study, she earned a PhD in behavioral neuroscience and became an expert in neurobiology, chemistry, and the genetics of addictive behavior.This book doesn't brag about having the answers, but shows what a sober neuroscientist has learned after 20 years of studying how an addicted brain works. She makes it easy to understand why it's so difficult to get sober and maybe even harder to stay that way. It irks me when people say they never think about drugs or alcohol anymore. My first feeling is rage—probably because I’ve never experienced anything like that, despite working hard on myself during 30 years in recovery. Grisel refreshingly writes about the temptation that’s always there.Grisel’s writing communicates succinctly: “A plaque I later saw posted behind a bar described my first experience [with alcohol] precisely: Alcohol makes you feel like you’re supposed to feel when you’re not drinking alcohol.” In another passage, she quotes George Koob, chief of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism: “There are two ways of becoming an alcoholic: either being born one or drinking a lot.” Grisel is careful to explain so you don’t get the wrong idea. “Dr. Koob is not trying to be flip, and the high likelihood that one or the other of these applies to each of us helps explain why the disease is so prevalent.”When she writes about her experiences, it’s candid and clear, and it feels like she’s a friend and we’re chatting in a café. I found myself frequently nodding with identification—like a bobblehead on a car dashboard. It’s a fascinating, absorbing, satisfying book about addiction.Widows-in-Lawby Michele W. Miller (Blackstone Publishing, Feb. 26, 2019)There was a huge turnout at The Mysterious Bookshop in downtown Manhattan on February 26. The event was the book launch of Michele W. Miller’s second novel, Widows-in-Law. Lawrence Block, the wildly successful, sober crime novelist, sat beside Miller in the role of interviewer, and he was as entertaining as ever.See Also: Lawrence Block: One Case at a TimeMiller, a high-level attorney for New York City, said, “Widows-in-Law is about an attorney who dies suddenly in a fire, leaving behind a first wife who’s a streetwise child abuse prosecutor.” She then jokingly added, “who might resemble me a little bit.” That got a big laugh because many attendees knew that Miller had previously worked as a child abuse prosecutor.In a thick and endearing Brooklyn-Queens accent, Miller described the deceased’s second bride. “You know, legs up to the eyeballs…[a] gawgeous trophy wife.” Block jumped in with praise: “That’s the one that resembles you.” Miller blushed and said, “See? That’s why we keep him around for a hundred books. Another big laugh, another inside joke: throughout Block’s astounding career, the well-loved crime writer has churned out 100 books.Miller quickly regained her composure and got back to the novel’s setup: Emily is a 16-year-old from Brian’s first marriage, to Lauren. Shortly before Brian died in the fire, Emily moved in with Brian (and his new wife). Lauren hoped they could reel in the out-of-control teen.The Miller thriller works well. It’s a fast read with dramatic and believable scenes and dialogue. I wanted to dig deeper and find out how much of the novel was fictional. Many novelists write about the worlds they know. Miller agreed to one-on-one time to discuss the three badass women at the center of the story.“Emily’s mom Lauren is my main character. Her backstory includes being a homeless teenager during the 1980s and ‘90s,” Miller said. “Her parents were whacked on drugs so Lauren left. She stayed at a shelter on St. Marks. It’s an iconic recovery building in the East Village.”When I asked which parts of the novel are autobiographical, Miller paused, sucked in a deep breath, then let it out slowly.“Okay,” she said. “Here goes. I’m in my 30th year clean. I was a low-bottom heroin addict.” Miller’s past included a felony arrest for cocaine possession. She was facing 15 to life. To avoid spoilers, suffice it to say that explained why some of the scenes seemed so thoroughly researched.“The book touches on my experiences with jail, illegal after-hours spots, and the complete chaos of addiction,” said Miller, who is now the director of enforcement for the New York City Conflicts of Interest Board. “Basically, that means I’m the chief ethics prosecutor for the city.” She’s aware of the irony. Before getting clean, Miller ran in the same circles as hitmen, such as the infamous Tommy Pitera.“Yeah, we got high together,” said Miller. “People knew him as Tommy Karate because he was into martial arts. But it wasn’t until a book that I found out he was a brutal killer who cut people into little pieces. I was traumatized. We hung out, getting high. I don’t know why he didn’t kill me. I guess he liked me. Maybe because I was an accomplished martial artist?”Miller is proof of how much your life can change when you get sober. She's lucky to have survived her druggy past that included hanging out with murderers. Lawrence Block said, “Michele Miller has had more lives than a cat, and they’ve made her a writer of passion and substance.”After you read Widows-in-Law, check out Miller’s first novel, The Thirteenth Step: Zombie Recovery (HOW Club Press, November 4, 2013). It’s another fast-paced doozy and a finalist in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Awards. Kirkus Reviews wrote, “A humorous and surprising satire of both the zombie apocalypse and the culture of addiction... wholly original... satisfying.... The care taken in both characterization and prose earns the reader’s time. A well-written, thoughtful treatment not just of a popular literary trope but of a nagging social issue.”The Addiction Spectrum: A Compassionate Approach to Recovery by Paul Thomas, MD, and Jennifer Margulis, PhD. (HarperOne, Sept. 4. 2018)Paul Thomas, MD, is board certified in integrative and holistic medicine and addiction medicine—he’s also in recovery.“Addiction isn’t about willpower or blame,” he said. “It’s a disease that, like many other conditions, exists on a spectrum.” The spectrum is about how severely you crave your substance of choice when you don’t have it. It’s about how serious your health consequences are. Death, of course, is the worst end of the spectrum.The Addiction Spectrum offers a system that bases the individual’s needs on where they are on the spectrum. Thomas offers seven key methods for healing, whether you’re active in addiction or already in recovery. “Doctors need a new approach to treating pain,” said Thomas. He mentioned the hazards of painkillers within the medical community, “My wife is a nurse and recovering opiate addict,” he said. The book is about any addiction—alcohol, marijuana, opioids, meth, technology. Co-author Jennifer Margulis, PhD, is an award-winning science journalist who’s been writing books about children’s health for over 10 years.“Making love, eating delicious food,” said Margulis, “these activities release dopamine and make you feel good. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel good. But using heroin or abusing prescription opioids or even excessive computer gaming or binge eating will harm your brain. Too many young people think, ‘Hey, I’m just having fun.’ But there is nothing fun about dying from an overdose.”But what is it about right now that can explain the drug epidemic?“We’re animals, wired to avoid danger and seek pleasure,” Thomas said. “We scan for threats and have an immediate fight, flight or freeze reaction. We’re talking about dopamine and epinephrine (adrenaline) responses.”Margulis agreed: “with cell phone alerts, video games, 24/7 news and high stress from work or school, we are overloaded. We can become addicted to food, social media, cigarettes, and a bunch of other substances and behaviors.”Both Thomas and Margulis agree it is time to start looking at the root causes. Why is there an increase in mood disorders, fatigue, and addiction? The book answers so many questions and I learned a lot about how to treat my body and mind better. The writing style makes it easy reading—nothing too tough to get through and very practical.The most anticipated book on my list isn’t out yet, but I’ve been lucky enough to read a sample chapter.Strung Outby Erin Khar (HarperCollins|Park Row Books, Feb. 2020)Erin Khar’s much-anticipated memoir will hit the shelves in early 2020. It’s the story of Khar’s decade-long battle with opioids, but it goes even further by searching for answers. Why is it that some people can do drugs and stop, while others become addicted? She explores possible reasons for America’s current drug crisis and its soaring death toll. The CDC statistics are staggering. From 1999 to 2017, more than 700,000 people died from drug overdoses, and 400,000 of those died from an opioid overdose. This epidemic is devouring our nation.Khar’s writing beat includes addiction, recovery, mental health, relationships, and self-care. She also writes the “Ask Erin” column for Ravishly.For a decade, beginning at age 13, she kept her heroin use a secret from friends and family. When she was caught by her then-fiancé, she went to rehab and her book describes her harrowing withdrawal. Three years later, at age 26, she relapsed. Four months later, her using had dragged her to the bottom.Khar, who has written for The Fix, told me, “I’ve been clean from opiates for 15 years!” That’s an enormous achievement for any addict, and in that decade and a half, she’s completely changed her life.From Khar’s essay in Self magazine:“If you had told me 15 years ago that I would be a happily married mother, living in New York City, doing what she loves for a living… I would have laughed.”She hopes that her book will help shatter the stigma; stop the shaming. She describes its genesis: “I wrote the short story 'David' for Cosmonauts Avenue. Agents contacted me about writing a memoir.” After reading her essays, and following her writing career, I’m eager to read a book by this heroine about heroin.Every one of these books is written by a sober writer. They are living proof that people’s lives can change at any time.Mine sure did.Do you have favorite sober authors? Please share them with us in the comments!

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8241841 https://www.thefix.com/its-never-too-late-change-new-books-writers-recovery