#trying not to think about all those people i might’ve scared away already lol

[chikoyama]

(( status update: amazing news! i’m unemployed again so i should have plenty of time on my hands to have fun. it’s a relief bc capitalist society was truly no enjoyable place for me. 😖

aaaAAAAaah, i really wanna have fun or just talk to people! we can play games, pick tarot cards, reinvent the world, start a book club, watch movies/videos, bitch about people or the world, casually fuck around, share traumatic stories, bully our muses etc. i’m up for most things if anybody wants to!

i’m trying my hardest not to be weird but sometimes i just can’t help it. i just get too excited… ))

[ladybugout-au]

Dear. GOD. After seeing Furious Fu, I would honestly love to see LBO!Marinette just chewing out Su-Han for all his canon-to-fic BULLSHIT. Like, I know you’ve already got a plan to incorporate Feast into LBO, which I’m super excited for, so this asshole showing up with all his nonsense after the new Team Miraculous is set, hell maybe even after they’ve already retrieved the Butterfly and the Peacock, and watching Marinette (and possibly Fu since he has the memories to stand up for himself) tear this dude a new one would really be the cherry on top of an already awesome fic. Sorry to rant in your inbox lol but the new episode just made me so. ANGRY.

In the lounge room of the Liberty, everyone jumped as they heard a noise from up above deck, as if something heavy had fallen or been dropped. Marinette briefly pulled away from Luka’s hold, staring up at the ceiling and wondering aloud, “What was that?”

“I don’t know,” Juleka admitted, exchanging concerned looks with Rose.

“That definitely wasn’t Mom,” Luka noted with a tilt of his head.

Pounding footsteps followed, making it clear that a person had clearly gotten on the houseboat without the gangplank being there.

Nino jolted on alert, turning to Duusu with a hushed whisper. “Hide!”

“All of you,” Kagami began, standing up and looking around vaguely at every kwami. “get out of sight.”

The kwami, breaking out of their trance after the brief scare, scattered in every direction to find their own individual hiding places, some choosing to hide with their respective holder and others preferring to hide behind or inside objects. Ivan went into his usual protective mode, wrapping an arm around Mylene while she clung to him.

Marinette stood up, rushing over to the table and picking up the Miracle Box to stow it away. She looked around, then dashed for the microwave and stored the box inside.

She shut the door just in time for the intruder to descend from the staircase: an old man, dressed in Chinese garb and carrying a strange mystical-looking staff. He had a stern expression, his brows knitted together as he scanned the room like none of them were even there. He raised his staff, his gaze eventually locking on the microwave the Marinette was standing near.

Without a word, he pushed Marinette aside, earning an offended, “Excuse me—hey!” from her as he grabbed the microwave door and tugged it. When that did little more than jostle the microwave itself, he tried blindly tampering with the buttons to no avail.

Marinette slapped his wrist away, standing with all her pride as guardian as she asked, “What do you think you’re doing?!”

He glared at her in response. “Young lady, I demand you open your magical sealing chamber and return what’s rightfully mine!”

She blanked, the words catching her completely off-guard. This guy thought their microwave was a magical sealing chamber?

In response, Marinette gave a brief glance to the others, who were all looking back at her with equally puzzled expressions, any tension from before completely gone.

An unspoken question echoed throughout the room: Is he for real?

Before Marinette could ask any further, Tikki emerged from her hiding spot, flying over and explaining, “Marinette, I know who this is! This is great master Su-Han, the guardian of the Miracle Box!”

Marinette raised a brow skeptically. “But I’m the guardian?”

“He was responsible for the box before the incident that Master Fu caused,” she corrected.

Su-Han looked down at Marinette condescendingly. “So you are the current holder of the box.”

“That’s right,” she confirmed unapologetically. She gave a side-glance to Luka and the others, seeing that they were prepared to stand up and fight for her, but she gave a subtle gesture to let them know that it wasn’t necessary. Resolving to deal with Su-Han herself, she faced him again. “How did you find us?”

He held out his staff, the jewel on it mere centimeters from her face. “Guardian scepters are equipped with compasses that can find their Miracle Box at any given time.”

“In case you lose it?” Marinette blurted out, but didn’t apologize or try to take it back.

“Insolent!” Su-Han gasped. “You are not even a proper guardian. I can tell that this box hasn’t even been properly passed down to you!”

“Because Master Fu gave it to me,” she explained, “and we agreed that he should keep his memories.”

“Fu?” Su-Han echoed. “You mean Wang Fu? Chicken legs?”

Is this guy five? Marinette wondered.

Orikko popped out from their hiding place, waving a paw at Su-Han as if in warning. “I take offense to that!”

Su-Han glared at Orikko at the comment, and Orikko quickly ducked back down. Turning his attention back to Marinette, he continued, “Wang Fu is a student who wasn’t even able to fast for a day, nor do a thousand finger-pushups. He was never a rightful guardian, and he failed to fulfill the hope we’d seen in him.”

“Master Fu may have made mistakes, but he’s done his best to make up for all of them!” she argued. “He protected the box for over one hundred years and it’s because of his choices that our team was able to defeat Hawk Moth!”

“Team?” Su-Han asked, his face scrunching up as if he were piecing something together.

“Yes!”

Marinette gestured to her boyfriend and friends for emphasis. Luka, Ivan, Kagami, and Juleka stood while Rose and Nino pinched and stretched their shirts to show off their respective miraculouses.

“Children?” Su-Han gaped. Glaring at Marinette, as if she had personally given out the miraculouses herself, he declared, “Children are never meant to hold miraculouses, especially from the first and most powerful Miracle Box! Kwami are extremely powerful, cosmic creatures!”

A voice piped up from across the room. “Y-you say that, but—!”

Marinette and Su-Han turned to look at Nooroo, who had peeked out from behind Rose’s shoulder. He breathed up, seeming to gain some confidence, then floated out to the center of the room.

“They saved me and Duusu from the hands of evil! We would still be in Gabriel’s clutches if not for them!”

“What?” Su-Han asked. Just when Marinette thought they might be getting somewhere, he turned back to her and accused, “The peacock and butterfly were lost?!”

“Fu lost them when he was escaping the temple,” Marinette explained, a mixture between unphased and annoyed at the man’s outbursts, “but we got them back and everything’s okay now.”

Luka chimed in from his place near the couch, “Marinette has been an incredible leader, as both Ladybug and the guardian.”

She smiled at him in thanks, but Su-Han was clearly focused on anything but the positives.

“Ladybug? You’re even wearing a miraculous?! Guardians aren’t meant to hold miraculouses!” he said, throwing his arms out for effect.

“What—why?” she asked, genuinely confused.

Instead of answering her, Su-Han pulled out a book, shoving it pointedly towards her with the cover facing downwards in his palm. “Let me remind you of a few important rules you’ve violated.” He flipped through a few pages, then pointed at one of them. “Rule fourteen: Kwami must not live outside of the box.” He flipped through a few more. “Rule fifty-two: Guardians must never lose a miraculous. “He flipped to a page near the end. “Rule one hundred and thirty-three: Guardians must never, under any circumstances, wear a miraculous.”

“Master Fu wore a miraculous,” she argued, having never heard of any such rule from him.

“And that proves exactly what I’m talking about!” Su-Han retorted. “Neither you nor Fu are capable guardians because neither of you have respected the rules of the order!”

“...”

When Marinette initially imagined the Order of the Guardians and the people who ran it, this was not what she’d pictured. She had pictured zen and calm, not belligerent and immovable. She was reminded vaguely of her grandfather when she first met him, and that wasn’t a good thing.

She tossed another gaze at everyone, who gave her the same look and nod in response: let him have it.

“Young lady, I’ll repeat myself once,” Su-Han warned. “Return the Miracle Box and the miraculouses to me before--”

Marinette grabbed the book out of his hand, shut it with a satisfying “clap,” then set it back in his hand. “No.“

“What did you say?” he asked, aghast that she would speak to him that way.

“I said no.” Marinette advanced on him, the sheer force of her presence making him take a step back. “Now let me remind you about everything you must’ve missed this whole time.”

She raised a finger at him, raising additional fingers as she went on. “One: You intruded on my boyfriend’s house without any sort of permission. If you’d actually called out to us, we might’ve actually been willing to come out and listen to what you had to say. Two: You wouldn’t have even been able to be here in the first place if not for me using Miraculous Ladybug after our team took down Feast, which you weren’t able to do. Three: We aren’t children, we’re teenagers, and the fact that you can’t tell the difference or bother learning what technology is shows that I shouldn’t trust you with the Miracle Box even if you had a right to it. Four: You didn’t bother to listen and blamed me for losing miraculouses when it was you and your order who didn’t keep an eye on a poor boy who didn’t want to be there. Five, last but not least: I say the kwami are allowed out of the Miracle Box because I am the guardian. You and your order have been gone for over one hundred years and you can’t go making demands after I brought you back. You told me rules I didn’t even know about and didn’t explain why you have those rules in the first place. The kwami are my friends and they have feelings and I’m not going to shut them in a box because you told me to.”

Silence filled the room, no one saying a word and Su-Han’s face contorting between shock and outrage.

Marinette took a step back, standing at the ready and gesturing to herself. “So if you want the Miracle Box, you’re going to have to go through us first.”

She tossed a look at her team, all of them doing a synchronized, confrontational motion to face Su-Han.

“Tikki!”

“Plagg!”

“Wayzz!”

“Pollen!”

“Trixx!”

“Nooroo!”

“Duusu!”

They then shouted in unison, “Transform me!”

Several individual flashes meshed together, overtaking the room and then fading to leave several heroes behind, their weapons equipped for battle.

Su-Han looked amongst them, a flicker in his eyes that hinted that he knew he would be outmatched, but also wasn’t willing to admit it. He retreated a few steps back, hands out to show that he was prepared to defend himself.

It was at that moment that Ladybug heard and noticed movement from behind him, realization striking and a smile overtaking her face. Pulling back from her fighting pose, she placed a hand on her hip and stated confidently, “Captain Anarka will escort you out.”

He looked confused, and he was only able to let out a, “What—?” before a hand clamped down on his shoulder.

Su-Han wasn’t even able to turn around before he was pulled backward, a jewelry-adorned fist decking him in the face and sending him flying into the staircase. His scepter fell to the floor and he could only gape at the woman standing there, cracking her knuckles while he was sprawled out on the stairs with all air having been knocked out of him.

“A trespasser on my ship, eh?” Anarka asked, a grin on her face but her eyes glinting with malice. “I don’t take kindly to ship rats who threaten my crew and think they’re too good to walk the plank.”

Su-Han hurried to get up, only for Anarka to grab him by his shirt and haul him up the stairs, a rapid shuffling noise following as Ladybug went over and shut the door.

A few seconds passed and the atmosphere shifted to peace, everyone mutually releasing their transformations and relaxing. Marinette smiled reassuringly at everyone, letting them know that things were okay, but then jumped as she heard a resounding, “Marinette!”

The kwami all emerged from their hiding places, Marinette having no time to react as they all charged at her, their tiny bodies clinging affectionately to whatever they could grab of her.

“You’re amazing!”

“Thank you so much!”

“You stood up for us!”

“You’re the best guardian ever!”

Marinette gasped, finding it hard to move without disturbing any of them. Trying hard not to laugh, she protested, “Aha—hey! Stop, you’re all tickling me!”

She blushed, looking over at her teammates who were only staring at her with pride, which just made the pink on her cheeks turn red. “This is so embarrassing!”

Once the kwami had their fill of thanking her, they finally obeyed and flew away, each giving her smiles of approval. She covered her face with a hand, waiting for the shyness to die down, then noticed the guardian scepter out of the corner of her eye, still lying on the ground.

She approached, touching the scepter at first to make sure it was safe, then properly picking it up and letting it stand next to her. She tapped the gem on top, eyeing the compass that Su-Han had been talking to her about, then followed its direction back to the microwave. She walked over, opening it up, then took out the Miracle Box and held it in her free hand.

Looking back and forth between the two clearly ancient objects, she couldn’t help chuckling. “They don’t really suit me.”

Her friends giggled in response, Luka in particular shooting her a warm smile and approaching. One of his hands went to the scepter and the other went to rest on the Miracle Box.

“I think you make them work, actually,” he replied.

Marinette beamed at him, thoroughly warmed by the compliment. It didn’t feel like that long ago when her support was lacking and defeating Hawk Moth seemed like a pipe dream.

Now, holding the Miracle Box and scepter in her hands, she didn’t know why she’d ever doubted herself.

“Yeah, maybe you’re right.” Then, looking at the Su-Han-less room, she gave a shrug and walked back with Luka to the couch. “So, where were we?”

[kallulovesu]

Weird scenerio, and based off an Miraculous Episode, how would Yandere!Nyotalia Allies react (separately) to being trapped in a giant soap bubble that’s floating in the sky, with their GN S/O that can’t get away from them?

It was all too humorous to America. Being trapped in one giant bubble in the sky with her beloved; the one person that she wished to be alone with for such a long time— and this specific wish of hers was granted just like that, in such a crazy way too! The girl almost thought that she could’ve been on drugs because of how desirable this whole situation was, and she just couldn’t bring herself to believe that she was this lucky.

Amelia wouldn’t really do anything for the first few hours or so of being here, just...sitting there and staring at you the whole time. Yes, she would love to have you in her arms, but this was completely okay as well. Looking at you made her feel a bit better about this strange situation, and reassured her that she’d at least have you by her side if anything went wrong.

Her stare wasn’t very...hidden, so she’d already expect you to feel a tad bit uncomfortable, but it was okay! It wasn’t like you could do anything about it; nothing could stop her up here, so why not suck it up and just deal with it instead? She could’ve done something much bolder with you, but decided to keep your feelings in mind and kept her distance, so just be a grateful lover and let her do this simple thing.

You wouldn’t want her to do something worse instead, would you?

It all ended up depending on your behavior. She was fine with doing nothing to you since Amelia already knew that she was to have you soon...so she shouldn’t be impatient! But disobedience should always be punished, she wouldn’t want you to act like this once finally taking you home. (Assuming that she’d find a way to get out of here)

England didn’t see anything wrong with this situation for the most part. She was used to such strange occurrences happening around her ever since being a young nation, though...she never expected her beloved to be dragged into this.

That didn’t mean that she disliked it— no, she certainly didn’t! This whole thing finally gave her the opportunity to do whatever she wanted with you, and all away from the public eye. So many things that she could do came up in mind, so many things that she would never be able to do in the outside world... you surely wouldn’t mind them, would you?

But there was also this bugging thought in the back of her mind; what if you didn’t consider her close enough for such intimate contact? Or what if you were one of these people that were uncomfortable by close touch? Alice is an over thinker, and this dilemma would only cause her to think of rasher, more...not so kind options that she could use. There was nothing restricting her inside of this space; not the law, not her fellow countries, and not even you. So why should she hold back?

Yes, you were hers after all. She shouldn’t even have to care about how you felt in the first place, but there was always a high chance of you being disobedient. She hated how she couldn’t just take you in her arms; holding you close without the worry of you struggling to get away from her. It was too much of a hassle.

That reminded her— England rummaged through one of her pockets, looking for one specific thing that she should’ve brought with her just in case and...oh, there it was! A small smile grew upon her face once pulling out exactly what she was looking for; a sleeping potion.

She could always use one of these if you were to act up.

France was vary of this whole thing. It certainly wasn’t normal to suddenly get trapped in some sort of bubble, even for a country such as herself.

She first thought that it could’ve been England playing a trick on her; perhaps the madwoman had finally snapped, deciding to give her some form of payback after all these years of their rivalry. The thought of that was funny, especially since this whole ‘revenge plan’ only worked in Francine’s favor. She finally managed to get some actual alone time with her darling, away from anyone else’s preying eyes and most importantly; able to do whatever she wanted with you.

...which was why she now sat next to you; her arm resting over your shoulder and pulling you close while sipping on a bottle of wine that she coincidentally seemed to have. (How she managed to have it in here? Who knew, the woman always seemed to have at least one drink on her.) Francine would talk away, rambling on about various things regarding either you or herself while slipping in some questions every now and then, especially the more personal ones that could be beneficial to her in the future. You thankfully didn’t seem to mind, most likely brushing it off as pointless chatter to pass time with.

Actually, nothing too bad seemed to happen with her. She didn’t do anything drastic— besides a few kisses on the cheek here and there, but even those didn’t seem to faze you much.

Francine just wanted to spend some nice, casual time with you; relaxing and taking your minds off your worries for once since...this could possibly be the last time she’ll get to see this side of you before carrying out her plan of kidnapping you. She was no fool, and understood that you would come to dislike her heavily once she did so, but it was for the better. You will learn to love her through it all, even if she had to hurt you for you to finally understand it.

Canada could best be compared to a kicked puppy; hiding in the furthest corner of the bubble while she merely stared at you, a sad gaze in her eyes while doing so.

Madeline wanted nothing more but to hug you close to her, to relish in your warmth and feel loved...but she feared the rejection she might face. She knew that she wasn’t very desirable— and that you must’ve wanted to be here with someone else right now, thus she tried doing you a favor by distancing herself.

But the Canadian still felt terrible despite that. You were so close to her, barely an arm’s reach away...was it that bad if she finally gave into her desires and tried something a bit risky? It might ruin the relationship she tried building up, but she could always just watch you from afar like always. Amelia also suggested just kidnapping you a while ago, so she could always try that if you were to reject her!

...it’s suffocating being with Russia, literally.

She just wouldn’t let you go from the moment the two of you have been trapped in this bubble. Her arms were encased around you like chains, holding you close while resting her chin on your shoulder in a manner that would be comfortable for her. Any form of protest would be dismissed; merely retorted with a soft, amused hum before further digging her face in the crook of your neck.

There were absolutely zero chances that she’d let you go. Not when she finally got to have you in her arms like this! You always seemed to be so afraid whenever she was around; trying to get away from her while shaking in your spot...and it hurt, you know? Anya couldn’t begin to count the many nights where she had almost cried herself to sleep while thinking about you, thinking about what she had done to make you so afraid of her. She hasn’t hurt you so far, no, she would never dare hurting the one she loved! So why were you so scared?

Oh, but no matter. All of that could be forgotten now that she finally had you where she wanted. You still seemed scared, but Anya allowed herself to relish in your presence despite that. She would never get to hold you like this in the outside world, with you easily being able to slip away from her grasp or others interfering.

It was a childish wish of hers; but Russia hoped to stay like this forever.

Oh, poor you. Remember when I said that being with Russia was suffocating? Yeah...I’m sorry, this one might be a bit worse to deal with.

China latched onto your form with her dear life; her arms almost squeezing the air out of you as she placed her face in the crook of your neck, soft yet audible sobs leaving her lips as she cried and sniffled. “Poor thing,” you’d think, softly rubbing and patting her back as she went on, trying to mutter some reassuring words that you hoped would help her calm down.

It felt like hours had passed since the two of you had landed in here— yet there seemed to be no sign of help coming by any time soon, and it scared you. What if no one ended up saving you? What if the two of you were going to stay here forever? You could only imagine how hopeless Chun-Yan felt, she seemed to be the one that was taking this the worst...

Which wasn’t the case, she was actually very pleased with this lol

Chun-Yan was basically fangirling on the inside; A red, prominent blush adorned her face as her heart thumped loudly at the feeling of you finally being so close to her. (she feared that you might’ve felt it, but she was too focused on this special moment for her to actually care!) It was rather hard to hide her excitement, with her almost letting the act slip a few times— though she seemed to manage. Yes she was old, but she still held the acting skills from her youth!

Really, she couldn’t imagine that being in a bubble of some sorts would’ve been the one thing that finally brought the two of you together. All she needed was to put on her ‘terrified old lady’ act to finally have you exactly where she wanted. Oh, she also found it amusing how you tried hiding your fear in hopes of making her feel better. It made her remember why she fell in love with you in the first place!

[petite-ely]

Afraid // JJ Maybank

five - but what if?

Pairing: JJ Maybank x fem routledge! reader

Warnings: bad language (don’t swear kids), mention of drowning, mention of death, nightmares, mention of guns, mention of fight, did I miss something.

Description: after his reckless actions at the party, JJ is unable to sleep but he isn’t the only one still awake.

A/n : I don’t want to make this longer than it already is, I think I’ve talked enough lol. If for some reason you want to know why I’ve been gone for so long I’ve written a post regarding it. Sorry again for not posting in so long. If you want to chat, feel free to reach out. I’m friendly. :) please kindly tell me if I’ve made some mistakes, I’ve reread this like a hundred times but its possible some mistakes slipped.

Previously next

Afraid masterlist

Gif by @cobrazkai

Song recommendation

JJ Maybank was 14 years old when he first realized that he had feelings for one of his best friends. The thing is he didn’t know what the hell those feelings were. He had always thought that y/n was really pretty and he considered her to be one of her closest friends and that was it. Friends- that’s what they were.

But after years of friendship and wild adventures and basically hanging out 24/7, something felt different. And boy, did that scare him.

JJ was not the kind of person to be really in touch with his emotions. Being abandoned by his own mother and living with an abusive alcoholic father didn’t really help either. If anything, his past traumas only made him more disconnected from his emotions and feelings.

He might’ve been hot headed and impulsive but that didn’t stop him from feeling things, often even too deeply. The issue was naming the emotions he was feeling. He didn’t know what he was feeling like half of the time. So when it came to y/n, his feelings for her were so intense and unknown. He had never felt this way for anyone before. He was so confused.

Being around her felt weirdly homely and yet, he never really had a real home to come to. For him, it was only a house. It was a building with things he wasn’t really attached to and a man he couldn’t really call a father, despite DNA saying otherwise. Being with her felt warm and golden and it was like a drug he couldn’t say no to. He was constantly looking for ways to feel this specific way. It was euphoric. But he only felt this way when he was around her. And it felt like home.

She was the home he wanted to come to every freaking night. And he wanted to dance with her and have night long discussion and caress her cheeks tenderly. He wanted to kiss her more than anything else, his lips on hers staying that way until one of them needed to take a breath - oh what heavenly feeling that must be. He wanted to proclaim his feelings to the entire island - the entire world even.

Only he couldn’t. There was this rule, and he couldn’t break it. Usually, he wasn’t the kind of person to let rules determine what he should and shouldn’t do. But it was the pogue rules, he couldn’t break them. He couldn’t do that to his friends, regardless of his own feelings.

Love. That’s what his feelings were. It took him some time to realize it, but yeah, it was love. He was certain of it (which was rare for JJ). A first love, innocent, deep and one sided. At least that’s what he thought. How could she love him? How could anyone love him when even his own father didn’t? Who would want him?

Now, JJ had messed, big time.

He was sitting beneath a tree, at the edge of the yard whims the château, a few feet away from where the water started. His gaze was turned towards the sunrise though he wasn’t really looking at the magnificent show of colours that nature was offering him. He was thinking or more like regretting.

He kept replaying the event that had happened just a few hours ago on the boneyard again and again in his mind. The arrogance on John B’s face while he taunted the kooks, the empty, psychotic look on Topper’s face while he was holding J.B’s head underwater, his own hand holding the gun against Topper’s head. It felt so powerful at the moment and yet in retrospect he felt so stupid. What would he have done if something had actually happened, if someone had gotten hurt because of him?

In the spur of the moment, he hadn’t thought about it really much. How crazy it actually was. He saw his friend in a situation where he could actually die and only thought about helping him. He had this thing with him that could help save him, an object that take could take someone’s life in the matter of seconds. So he used it at his advantage. He had only wanted to help, but at what cost.

He kept picturing the expression on y/n’s face when he got the gun out. It wasn’t anger, no it was much worse, she was terrified. She had actually been scared of him. How could he ever make up for that. How he could he ever admit what he was feeling for her after he had brought her such terror. He had ruined everything.

What if she never forgot that moment? What if she never forgave him?

A branch cracked somewhere in the distance, and JJ turned to face whoever, or whatever, was lurking in the dark. He was blinded by the bright artificial light of a flashlight. “JJ?” A voice spoke and the blond immediately recognized it. Y/n.

“Can you please turn it off, I don’t think it’s necessary,” he responded, motioning to the clarity that brought the sunrise. It was light enough for them to fully see one another.

“Oh, yeah, sorry, “-she sat down beside him- “Couldn’t sleep?” JJ stared at her for a moment before taking his eyes away.

“Yeah, you could say that. What about you? John B snoring too loud?” Y/n gave a small laugh.

“Um, no, not this time.” Her smile went down. “I had a nightmare.” JJ’s brows furrowed.

“Not about um, not about tonight right?” He asked, guilt hidden in the tremors of his voice.

Images of the past night filled y/n’s mind. Her brother being held under water, JJ pulling the gun out, the loud echoing sound of the firearm as it shot in the air. She could still hear it ringing slightly in her ears.

A small moment went by before she finally shook her head in denial, earning a small sigh of relief from the blond (at least that wasn’t his fault, he already felt guilty for so many things). “No, uh, no it wasn’t that,” she said, her voice barely audible.

JJ stared at her face in the golden light of this early morning. He noticed the blank stare in her eyes and frowned. Nightmares, although worrying for most people, were pretty common for y/n. JJ of course knew this, yet something felt odd.

He rested his hand on the small part of her back between her shoulder blades. “Do you want to talk about it?” She turned her head to meet his eyes, the feeling of his skin, warm and soft against hers sending small tingles at the base of her neck.

She didn’t want to bother him with her problems, she knew how horrible his home life was compared to what she was living. She didn’t want to remind him of this not make him feel bad about her small problems when he was facing such violence on a daily basis. Still, she knew JJ and talking about his dad was the last thing he wanted to do. And his eyes, his beautiful ocean blue eyes, it’s like they could see through her. How could she lie to him?

“I, uh I-I-“ his hand went to her shoulder and he squeezed it reassuringly. “You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to.” Y/n felt her cheeks burning (hopefully he didn’t notice it). She took a moment to breathe in deeply the fresh air, calming herself slightly before putting her hand on his.

“No, I-I want to. I think it’ll help, in a way.” JJ cracked a sweet smile. “Alright then.”

“I keep having this one dream about my dad and I see him on his boat wandering. He’s lost in the middle of the ocean and he’s calling my name.” Saying those words, she really felt as though she could hear her father calling her name in the far distance, as if he was right beside her. Sadly, it was only her imagination playing tricks on her.

“And it keeps turning to this nightmare, where he dies in various horrible ways. Either drowned or starved or eaten by sharks.” JJ’s gaze softened, his eyes admiring her lips forming each words one after the other. “But tonight-“ she let go of his hand, shifting her body to face him completely, “-tonight, for a reason, I didn’t see him.”

“The boat was empty.”

Flashes of her nightmare came back to her like waves crashing on the beach. Her dad on his boat, a smile sketched on his lips. The sky is clear blue, not a cloud is in sight. There’s a warm breeze, she can almost feel it on her skin, and the sun is shining. It’s almost utopian, the perfect day to spend out in the sea.

Then the scene changes. The sky darkens to a deeper shade of blue, grey clouds towering the ocean. The wind is stronger, much stronger. It whistles as it makes its way in the crevices between each tree and threatens to tear the sails down. And the boat, she can see it floating hauntingly on the wild waves the same way a ghost would in abandoned castle. And there’s no trace of her father. Not even a feeling, that would tell her he’s there, trying to survive this storm.

“What if he really is gone J? What if my dad-“ she stopped her sentence to look at the horizon, somehow hoping to see a sign that would prove she was wrong. “I’m trying so hard to be positive and optimistic, but it’s been so long. What if he never comes back?”

The look in her eyes was heart-wrenching. JJ didn’t know what to say or do. He never really thought about it. What would happen if Big John was gone. To be honest he didn’t want to, that man was more of father to him than his own ever was. And losing him would be... he preferred not to think about it.

“I disagree,” he finally said. “What?” “Your dad is like one of the smartest person I’ve ever known. I think that, he, of all people would know how to get out of any situation, especially if it seems impossible to everyone else. I don’t think that you should give up on him yet.”

“You really think so?”

“Yes, I do,” he smiled. “So fuck everyone who tells you otherwise,“ y/n giggled. “Fuck all of them! You’re allowed to have hope, y/n, even after this much time. They can’t take that from you.”

“In the meantime, we’ll there’s us,” us, “the pogues, our own family. We can get through anything, right?”

“Yeah, we can.” Y/n’s head fell on his shoulder. “We’re the pogues.”

JJ admired her carefully. How her face looked, basked in the golden rays of the sun, looking so terribly tired and yet so beautiful. He could stay like this forever, losing himself completely in her smile. God she was so wonderful.

“Hey y/n/n?” “Yeah?” “Are you mad at me?” “Huh?”

“Why would I be ma- oh, oh.” The gun. He thought she was mad at him for what he did. Though he saved her brother, didn’t he? So, she didn’t understand why he would think she could hate him.

“It’s just that you looked so terrified when-” “You saved him JJ, that’s what matters most.” Y/n interrupted the boy mid sentence, placing her hand on his arm in gratitude. “If you hadn’t done anything, he could have...” she didn’t finish her sentence.

When she saw JJ holding the firearm against Topper’s head just a few hours ago, she had first been incredibly shocked. She didn’t recognize the JJ she knew. But now, she completely understood. It was his way of protecting his friends, his way of showing he cared. And that, she admired him for it. Though he could’ve shown it in a less dangerous way.

“I admit,” she added, “it was dangerous and a bit scary to see and we’re probably gonna get some kind of revenge from the kooks soon, but no one got hurt. And J.B, well he’s okay! We’re all okay!”

“Also, I’m pretty sure I did some very, very stupid things last night, so I can’t really be mad at you,” she cringed remembering the amount of alcohol influenced things she had said and done during the party. “God, I must have looked so ridiculous.”

JJ laughed at her comment. “Yes, yes you did.” “Man, John B was right, I can’t believe I’m saying this.”

“Can you just promise me something?” Asked y/n, once their laughter had died. “Depends what?”

“Promise me you’ll never hurt yourself with that thing, or anyone else for that matter.”

“I promise, y/n. ”

“Thank you.”

Taglist

@deionswannabegirl @kaelyn-lobrutto24 @poguestyle17 @im-a-stranger-thing @lasnaro @thoughtsofthestars @briandaflores19 @lunaposey @allycat449-blog @ifilwtmfc @kitty084 @coloradogirl07 @ponyboys-sunsets @chaoticbisous @p0gue420 @sloaneemily

If I forgot you or if you wanna be added/removed just tell me! Also I’m sorry if your name didn’t work :/

[sunnysviolin]

au where kel shatters (i use shatter instead of snap bc snap implies anger) and just. stops trying. like completely fading into the background, giving up on everything except his visits to sunny and maybe basketball. - ⚜️

A wild nonnie appeared! Hahaha lol my stupid jokes only make me laugh. BUT! Welcome to the club fleur de lis <3 I saw you and immediately gasped and began to work on this. I saved it and scheduled this to go out after Mari’s birthday so uhhh Happy Tuesday! I’ve gotta catch em all LMAO. Also what an ask to start off with I love it so much! I feel bad because it’s clear who my favorite characters are and which ones I neglect, but alas. People who say they don’t have favorite children….liars...all of em. Anyways here take some headcanons for this nonnie. 

ALSO Honestly this isn’t even really an AU, It’s like a soft sort of canon shift that butterfly effects outward. I’m also going with the suicide ending where both Basil and Sunny end up dying so trigger/spoiler warning. Usually I put this kind of thing under a read more if I put a trigger warning, but I don’t think I will because it’s not like explicitly discussed here. I will put it in the tags though…. Haha I lied! I’m putting this under a read more because it got long as fuck and also it’s actually really sad….geez

I think that there’s a lot in canon that supports this au idea. Honestly it’s crazy to think that somehow he held onto his positivity and that’s what saved everyone. If Kel hadn’t continued to reach out to Sunny for all of those years and continued to treat all of his friends with love and determination...they might’ve all ended up being consumed by their grief

So what if….he didn’t continue to reach out

After Mari dies Kel does his best to try and hold together a rapidly sinking ship. He does his best to be there for Hero, to check on Sunny, to defend Basil from Aubrey even though Basil is increasingly pulling away.

It’s hard work and he has no support system, but he knows that his people need him. He still has his optimism and it gives him strength

But what would be enough to shatter that? What would be enough to push Kel into giving up?

Hero

Hero was able to make a shift after the night that he and Kel argued. In canon he says terrible things to Kel, but almost immediately apologizes and comes back into being himself somewhat. His parents tried to take him away, but Hero persevered past that and probably saved himself and Kel that night.

Everyone was alone after Mari died, but after that night Hero and Kel at least somewhat had each other. I think it’s because of that that Kel is able to keep up his hope in canon. 

So this is the one shift in this AU. Hero lets his parents take him away. He didn't come back that night. Kel was left alone after their argument. 

That night is Kel’s formative experience. His brother and his parents leaving him and letting him be all by himself drowning in his grief and his pain. It’s a terrible night, but he’s still alive the next day. Still alive, but he’s different now. Hero still makes him breakfast and still apologizes, but the damage is already done. 

Kel takes the plate and picks at the food, but he doesn’t tell his brother it’s okay. He doesn’t forgive him. Hero thinks that Kel is angry with him and needs time, but Kel isn’t angry. Kel is just tired and he has given in to what the rest of them already gave into

Kel goes to school that day and he doesn’t look to see if Basil came today. When Aubrey and her group try to provoke him, Kel doesn’t take the bait. After school he goes to the park and plays basketball by himself. He doesn’t go home until late in the night. Practicing basketball is the first thing that has felt good to him in a long time. Sinking shots is a simple motion that brings success over and over. 

He gets home after dark, long past curfew.

Hero was worried sick and his parents are angry, and Kel just...doesn’t care. His brother is shaking him and his parents are yelling, and all of it just bounces off of Kel. He isn’t scared by their reactions, isn’t annoyed or irritated. He’s just...mute. 

And that’s how it continues. Hero keeps trying to reach him, but Kel won’t be reached. He heard exactly what Hero thought of him that night, and he’s done with trying. It’s not even a spiteful or angry thing. He just doesn’t have any hope that things will get better anymore. 

Kel stops knocking on Sunny’s door everyday afterschool. He stops looking for Basil in the halls. Aubrey’s insults and taunts roll off of him and she slowly stops trying to get his attention. Kel focuses in on the few things he knows he still understands. The feeling of dribbling a ball. The faint heart race of running across a court. 

Kel makes it onto the varsity team when he’s 14. Freshman normally don’t, but he’s good. He’s really good, but there’s one key thing that holds him from being the best. Kel is not a team player. It’s not that he hogs the ball or has some negative energy, he just has no interest in bonding with the rest of the team. 

((He had people. He had people and he lost people. Kel doesn’t want any new people))

There is only one thing that gives him a tiny amount of hope. When he’s 16, he finds out Sunny is moving. He takes the last meagre amount of will he has and knocks on Sunny’s door. For the first time...Sunny answers. 

Those three days bring Kel back to who he used to be. Running around town with Sunny, solving problems, even fighting feels good. It’s like a dream. First he gets Sunny back, then Hero, and then even Aubrey. Falling asleep in Basil’s house that last night is the first time Kel sleeps soundly. Everything is going to be okay now, he’s sure of it. 

Then he wakes up in the middle of the night. 

He hears someone crying. His heart drops. He moves out of the living room and sees Aubrey collapsed on the floor and Hero standing in the doorway of Basil’s room. Kel peeks around him. 

Basil is dead in his room. Kel looked inside, and he had to go into the bathroom and throw up afterward. That night is long, but the morning is worse. Kel and Hero walk back home together, and as they round the corner to their house, they see a familiar sight

Ambulances and police cars surround the house next to theirs. When Mari died they created a blue and red halo around the house. The same halo is around it now. Hero goes to talk to one of the officers milling about, but Kel goes into the house. He doesn’t need any confirmation to know Sunny killed himself. Of course Sunny killed himself. 

After that any part of Kel that still had hope is permanently snuffed out.

[gusu-emilu]

For the 500 words or less ask game: I chose the moment in Sometimes I Forget where I officially went feral over your writing. As I'm writing this it's also Feb. 9th, which is the day you posted the first chapter of this fic one year ago, so it seems fitting!

Wen Ning’s gut plummeted.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

Jiang Cheng blinked at him.

There were words he had never said, but had thought about saying for a long time, and they all came tumbling out.

“We never asked if you wanted it. It’s just, Wei Wuxian was begging us. He was so determined to do it, and I saw how much he c-c-cared about you. He said it was the most important thing to you, so I—I helped him convince my sister—"

“I don’t want to hear this,” Jiang Cheng snapped. He sat up. “I get it. You’re not like me.”

They glared at each other, hostile static between their eyes.

“You did everything you were supposed to for Wei Wuxian, didn’t you?” He wrinkled his nose and coughed out a scornful laugh. “His perfect, loyal little servant—”

Wen Ning shoved Jiang Cheng down, climbed on top of him and pinned his arms to the ground.

A nerve had snapped inside him. Resentful energy clawed up his throat.

“I am not Wei Wuxian’s servant.”

A wave of catharsis crashed through Wen Ning. Rushed out of his body with those words.

“Is that all you think I am? Wei Wuxian’s Ghost General?”

Jiang Cheng stopped struggling and fell limp, gaping up at him.

Wen Ning didn’t know what he looked like right now, but he might’ve been snarling.

“If all I am is the Ghost General,” he leaned down to Jiang Cheng’s face, “I could treat you very differently right now.”

Fear flashed through Jiang Cheng’s eyes.

Good. Be scared of me. Everyone is scared of me.

He pressed harder into Jiang Cheng’s wrists like he wanted to drive them through the stone floor. Satisfaction swelled inside him at the sight of the Jiang Clan Leader so frightened, so helpless.

Jiang Cheng’s lips quivered. “Then do it.”

Wen Ning kissed him on the mouth. Hard.

Whatever he had expected it to feel like, he hadn’t expected to feel it so fully, and he hadn’t expected to be kissed back.

Soon their bodies were in a tangle, and Wen Ning had wandered elsewhere, his hands tracing lower on Jiang Cheng’s body.

Jiang Cheng flinched, as if he knew what Wen Ning intended to do. “Stop, Wen Ning,” Jiang Cheng moaned. “Stop, I—I can’t—I don’t want that—”

Wen Ning pulled away.

What do you mean, he wanted to ask. But regret and shame had caught up to him as soon as Jiang Cheng spoke.

He had nothing that a living person would want. It was already a miracle that he and Jiang Cheng had even touched each other. What right did he have to ask for more?

[from this fic for this ask game]

oh wow. you picked a loaded passage haha. it's strange to reread this knowing it's a full year old!

i'm going to put my author's commentary under a cut because it's a bit long

first i HAVE to mention that my original draft of this chapter was 100% fluff. if you can believe it lol

the context for how this passage starts is that JC (kind of) confesses that he feels like he doesn't reciprocate enough, doesn't give enough back to the people who have given to him. he wasn't really trying to bring up the core transfer, but WN--ever the anxious thinker--jumps to that and starts apologizing. i do think WN feels guilty about the consequences of the core transfer and about the way he revealed the truth to JC. now that, over the course of this fic, they've broken a lot of the barriers between them, the words that they've held inside start to come out. but the tension isn't gone--they're still frustrated with each other and themselves which leads to some....hostility.

JC doesn't actually see WN as WWX's servant. a big point of this fic is that JC sees WN in a light that is much different from WN's expectation. but JC has a sharp tongue and knows how to hit where it hurts--especially when he feels vulnerable--and he does resent WN for being kind of a "didi upgrade" to WWX, the one who stayed by his side when JC couldn't. hence why he says that.

WN's reaction to those words is one of those moments that came to me in like...a vision. it was one of the scenes that i'd replay it over and over in my mind--before falling asleep, in the shower, when i was bored. definitely one of things i was most excited about in this fic.

WN has a lot of pent-up anger and wants to follow his own path, to be his own person when his personhood had been taken away from him. he struggles a lot with guilt over what he has done as the ghost general, but an important part of his character in my version of post-canon is him understanding that there is more to him. that's not all he is. that even the people directly affected see him as more than the ghost general - and he has a right to demand that of them!

as for JC...i think it suffices to say he was having a horrible time during this and enjoying it more than he'd ever admit

the part where JC tells WN to stop before things get more sexual - in my original plan for this fic, they were going to have another intimate moment in JC's bedroom in lotus pier, and this would be when JC's asexuality is first hinted at. i ended up dropping that idea and instead put all the physical stuff into the cave scenes.

i didn't just want JC to be asexual, i wanted WN to misunderstand, to think that JC is rejecting him because of what he is. and that's exactly what happens! i wanted it to be asexual representation that felt realistic because it isn't always easy for someone to explain what asexuality means to them or for another person to understand it. it takes more communication than JC was willing to offer up in that moment and isn't cleared up until later in the fic. but they still get cuddles :)

that's probably enough rambling for now and i could talk about them forever so i'll end this here haha. thanks for the ask!

[ichorai]

cellmates ; four ; j.wy

pairing ; jung wooyoung x reader

summary ; stuck in jail after stealing a necklace off the princess, what happens when your new cellmate with an impossible escape plan comes along?

words ; 5.2k

warnings / includes ; medieval fantasy au, blood and grime and death and everything in between, some curse words, future ateez cameos, future suggestive / mature content, cellmates to (future) lovers !!

a/n ; surprise !! here you go stop crying >:( kdjffj jk i hope yall enjoy !!! the plot thickens up quite a bit in this one 👀 ,,, there are also a couple surprises sprinkled here and there :DD to make up for what i did to yall last chapter lol

cellmates masterlist.

As a child, a popular tale you often heard was one depicting a man stranded on an island, throat dry with thirst and stomach void of nourishment. He passed out in exhaustion by the beach, just on the brink of death. But before his soul could fade away, the mermaids took pity on the man of skin-and-bones and brought him underwater, breathing life back into his lungs. He contentedly lived the rest of his life as a merperson.

Although stories like those always had happy endings, they could never really make you smile, unlike how all the other children reacted. What about the people the man cared about when he was on land? Had he just completely forgotten about them to selfishly live an easier life underwater?

The same thoughts ran through your pounding head repeatedly as you dully stared out into the gleaming ocean. From where you were, bound tightly against the main mast, you had a clear view of both the ship’s deck and the waters. You couldn’t really remember how long you’d been tied up… if you could recall correctly, they had only thrown Wooyoung overboard just last night. That felt like an eternity ago. 

All thoughts of mermaids and fairy tales and Wooyoung dissipated from your mind once a pirate stepped into your view. In the daylight, they were far less scary than when you had first encountered them. The pirate had bronzed skin verging on being sunburnt, and sharp eyes of molten gold. A red bandana held his hair out of his leering face, and you noticed a dark branding burn of a sword ran through a skull embedded on his chest, partially covered by his loose tunic.

The man tutted, grabbing your chin between two fingers. It was then that you realized just how tired you were; you hadn’t gotten any sleep, instead spending the night struggling against your bonds and crying after Wooyoung.

“Let me go.” Your voice was so hoarse that it didn’t sound like yours anymore.

The pirate merely grinned and shook his head.

You wracked your brain for a second before spitting out, “Isn’t it bad luck to have a woman onboard? Your ship will sink if you keep me here.”

“Why, you must have nothing but worms between your ears,” He cackled in a sinister manner. “That’s just a silly little myth, sweetheart. Women are more than welcome here.” With those words, he ran his eyes over your tense form. A predator surveying its prey.

Much to your relief, the pirate stepped down. That feeling didn’t last very long, however. Just as he slid back, more pirates filtered into your view, clearly just having woken up to start the day. There were so many eyes on you; some curious, some disinterested, and some boldly staring with unsavory expressions.

“I say we make her do the dirty work,” One with golden teeth chimed. “Scrub the decks, clean the chamber pots.”

“We should toss her overboard. We don’t need another mouth to feed.”

“Keep her tied up there! A pretty thing like her should be on display for everyone to see!”

“We can drop her off at the next port and sell her off as a slave. We could use the extra gold.”

“Awh, don’t you think we should keep her? Ain’t half bad to look at.”

Those were only just a few snippets you could make out in the midst of the tumultuous roaring of the pirates as they yelled their suggestions over each other. They grew progressively louder as more ideas came into mind on what they should do with you. Panic brewed within you, but your limbs were tired and your mind was numb. All you could do was stand and watch.

The pirates immediately quietened once a one-eyed man with a peg leg hobbled out of the navigation room. The soft clunk, clunk, clunk of the wooden leg against the planks was not unsimilar to the rapid thundering of your heartbeat.

This is the captain, you thought. It was obvious, what with the way the pirates shut their mouths tightly and bowed their heads down to their chests. Some even trembled on the spot. If Wooyoung were here, he’d laugh at them.

Oh, how you missed him. 

The captain had a voice of pure silk, a stark contrast to his ragged appearance. In a quietly powerful tone, he stated firmly, “We leave her here until we reach Aurecia. Then we sell her off.” After a tense pause, he sternly added on, “Nobody touches her until then. Aurecians pay well for unspoilt women, so if any of you lot come remotely close to her, I’ll have your heads.”

The diminutive consolation you received from the captain’s commands ebbed away slightly when you thought more about what he was saying. They were going to sell you off as a slave in Aurecia. And if you could recall the map correctly, Aurecia was the opposite direction of Virelis, where you were supposed to be going. To top it all off, Cerulea and Aurecia were trusted allies, and that could mean nothing good for you.

“No!” You suddenly interjected in a croaky voice, throat so dry it felt like you had sandpaper in your mouth. “Please, don’t take me there. I need to go to Virelis. Please, you can sell me there!”

Everybody stared at you in complete befuddlement. The captain gaped at you with one narrowed eye and spat out, “Virelis doesn’t take slaves. Don’t play games with me, girl.”

Out of desperation, pleading words frantically poured out of your mouth before you could stop and hesitate, “Then don’t sell me! I’m useful, I swear!”

“Forgive me if I have difficulty believing you,” The captain said in a bored tone, gesturing to your bleeding, tied up form. 

A frustrated huff escaped you as you hissed out, “I’m Y/N L/N! I was the one that stole the princess’ necklace! I’m a valuable asset and you’d be lucky to have me on your crew.”

A stunned silence washed over the pirates. Then, one by one, they started laughing. They snorted and chuckled and slapped their knees as if you had told them the funniest joke in the world. You half-heartedly attempted speaking again, but your voice was drowned out by their howling laughter.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I FEED YOUR SORRY ASSES TO THE SHARKS!” The captain bellowed, his velvety tone long gone. He had his arms crossed tightly over his chest, a scowl pulling at his lips. 

The lot of them snapped their mouths shut so quickly you could hear their teeth clacking against one other. 

“Y/N L/N is nothing but a legend,” The captain stepped closer to you, his one eye narrowed in suspicion. “I don’t know, nor do I care for why you’re lying, but it better not become a problem. I’ve already got one crew to deal with. I don’t need to add a raving lunatic onto the list.”

“Please!” You wiggled against your bonds slightly, wincing at how the coarse rope fibers scratched at your chafed skin. “Why would I lie?! You’ve got to believe me, I’m Y/N L/N, I’ve been in jail for a long time and I’ve only recently escaped with the man you tossed overboard. Please, we can go bring him back, he can tell you, I - !” 

The words lodged in your throat. It was pointless, trying to convince a haggle of savage pirates to go back for someone they tossed to the sharks. There was a sort of heavy pain deep down in your chest, and you brokenly blew out a sigh. The feeling churned at your insides uncomfortably. It might’ve been the sea sickness, but you knew it was a nasty combination of guilt and panic and regret.

The captain noticed your abrupt change in demeanor, but decided not to comment. Instead, he said stoically, “Y/N L/N is a wonderful character in a legend told to scare children and I would absolutely love to meet her. But unfortunately, I don’t think I’d ever get the pleasure to. She’s not real.” You stared into his one eye, tears welling up in your own. “And about the man we tossed over… he put up a real fight and he wasn’t worth the trouble. He’s probably long gone by now. It’d do you good to forget about him.”

Pirates behind the pair of you started snickering, but were quietened when the captain straightened and just about snarled out, “DON’T YOU HAVE WORK TO DO? GET ON WITH IT, YOU STINKY BASTARDS!” 

They scrambled in a panicked fashion, a few of them running into each other as they dashed in opposite directions, others clumsily slipping on the damp plank wood, and some merely ran like headless chickens with no definite direction in mind. 

“They’ll treat you well in Aurecia, girl,” The captain slipped back into his velvety tone once more. You supposed this was his way of apologizing… or, the closest thing to an apology you’d ever get from a pirate. “Just try to accept it and it won’t seem as bad. This lot here won’t hurt you in the meantime. I’ll make sure of that.” He gestured to the rest of the men who were settling back into their daily routines. You were surprised to see that they were already hard at work; manning the sails, scrubbing the decks, navigating the ship, so on so forth. The life of a pirate definitely wasn't an easy one. 

You said nothing in return, staring blankly at the glinting ocean. The hollow clunk, clunk, clunk of his peg leg fading away was a sure sign that the captain was gone. You couldn’t bring it in yourself to watch him go.

This was most probably the worst possible time to cry. At this point, you were surprised your sore eyes could still manage to produce tears, considering how dehydrated you were. It was obvious that some of the pirates were still watching you, pausing mid-job. You tried to ignore them and hung your head sullenly as dry sobs rumbled in your chest.

You were stuck floating in a gigantic cesspool of saltwater, and yet your body had the audacity to produce even more. It was this very water you were bobbing on that most probably filled Wooyoung’s lungs as he gave up his last breath. The thought did nothing but make you weep harder. 

Pirates really had no designated time to have luncheon and supper, but their stomachs all seemed to revolve around roughly the same hours. By the time the golden of the sun was grazing against the deep green waters and the sky was bleeding a strange shade of amaranthine, they were all shouting out complaints of hunger and trotting to the small kitchens below deck to have supper. 

You were hungry, but also sure that if you had even a morsel of bread, you would heave it right back out. The day was spent with you gazing at the rocking waters, bustling pirates, and the large, tattered flag that hung proudly way above you. On occasion, you tried pleading to the pirates who were passing by, but none of them so much as glanced towards you. It seemed as though they took their captain’s orders to heart. 

And so, after hours and hours of being neglected, imagine your surprise when one particular pirate sheepishly walked up to you, a little after all the others had disappeared below the deck to eat.

At first, you hadn’t noticed the quiet man because you had your stinging eyes shut, trying to block off the last and harshest glares of the sun as it sank under the edge of the world.

He cleared his throat once, and your eyes flew back open, startled.

“You must be starving,” He said. 

The first thing you noticed about him was the strangely soft shade of pink his hair was. It wasn’t unsimilar to the color of Yunho’s hair, and you found yourself wondering how the kind giant of a man would react knowing that you lost Wooyoung. 

“Oh,” He gestured to the brightly-hued strands on his forehead. “I’m half fairy. Everybody looks at me funny when they first see my hair.”

Snapping out of your thoughts, you observed the man in front of you suspiciously. You had little to say in reply to the strangely personal fact he told you, and so you bit down on your tongue and let silence further consume you.

He had an angular face and complementing sharp features, but he bore a timid expression in an unexpectedly stark contrast. What was this fairy-man doing on a pirate ship? He didn’t look at all like the rest of the crew. The others were sunburnt and filthy and rugged. He, however, was somewhat well kempt, skin void of burns and scars and dirt. A loose cream-hued tunic was hung over broad shoulders, barely slung over his hardened chest, a leather belt tightened around the small of his waist and tucked into black trousers. It was quite a dignifying outfit in comparison to the rest of the crew clad in dirty rags and stolen clothes that didn’t match in the slightest. But for that, you could understand. Seeing the pirates randomly throw on haphazard articles of clothing, you thought back to when you were on the run with Wooyoung, stealing clothes off of drying lines and changing into whatever would fit.

The only thing that pushed the strange pink-haired man more towards the ‘rugged pirate’ side was a silver lip ring glinting with the late sunlight from the side of his bottom lip. In his eyes you saw gentle kindness, but you knew better than to trust him just yet. 

“Are you hungry? I can sneak something up for you while everyone’s busy stuffing their face full.” He had a voice of honey and silk, tempting you to accept his generous offer. But you kept your mouth shut.

“I understand,” A sad, empathetic look crossed his face. “Sea sickness is the worst the first couple of days. From there, it’ll gradually get better once you get used to it. But please, drink some water.”

From out of nowhere, he brandished a pretty silver chalice and held it up to you, the metal stingingly cool against your lips. You would’ve been stupid to turn down the water, so you leaned forward slightly and slurped at the drink so quickly that some sloshed down your chin and dripped onto your chest. 

“I can get you some more later,” He said, pulling the cup away as you gasped for air. “But I have to tell you something important first. My name is San, by the way.”

He had a name that roughly translated to ‘mountain’ in Old Cerulean. You thought it was a rather pretty name… fitting for such a pretty man.

“I just wanted to say this while no one was around,” San sucked in a deep breath, steeling his quaking nerves. “I believe you.”

The water had certainly drowned away the scratchy burn in your throat, so you were free to painlessly stutter out, “W-What?”

“I believe you,” He repeated. “It’s like you said… why would you lie?”

“You believe that I’m Y/N?” Your voice raised an octave or two higher, to which San shot you a warning look and glanced behind him as a precaution. If anybody heard or saw either of you, the captain would have his head. “Why?”

Hope was a dangerous thing. It muddled your brain and clouded your consciousness, blurring the lines between reality and fantasy. So you looked upon the pink-haired pirate dubiously, furrowing your eyebrows.

“I might be the most gullible man out there,” San snorted, raising a hand to rub against the back of his neck. “You kinda fit the description in all the stories and legends. And you don’t look like you’re lying… I don’t know… it must be the fairy blood in me. My mother always knew when I was lying or telling the truth. She used to tell me that good people only truly lie when they want to protect others. But… you don’t have anybody here to protect. Not anymore, anyways.” There was a guilty, remorseful sort of look that flooded his face. 

You were so relieved that you could’ve burst into tears right then and there. 

“And… that man the others threw overboard… he kept saying your name. You might’ve had reason to lie to us, but he didn’t. Especially not then.” San spoke gently in a low tone, as if he were speaking to a frightened child. Something painful twisted in your stomach at his words. “So… yes, Y/N, I believe you.”

Then he leaned forward and quickly swiped his cool thumb over your damp cheek. You only then realized that you were crying again, flinching away from his touch at first, before relaxing your tensed muscles. 

“Thank you,” was the only thing you could properly croak out. There were so many things you wanted to tell him. Help me. Let me out. Bring Wooyoung back. Take me away from here. Why are you helping me? What are you doing here?

Although none of your erratic thoughts were heard, you sagged in relief when he said, “I’ll try to talk to the captain about making a stop in Virelis.” As a tentative afterthought, he added, “I’m sorry about your friend.”

“I loved him,” You croaked out, surprising even yourself. “I didn’t know that I did.”

San flashed you a sad smile, “Some people never realize. You’re lucky that you did.” Then, he murmured after gesturing to your bloody hands and wrists, “I’m also sorry about them hurting you. I have a special coconut extract lotion that treats wounds and burns very well. I’ll try to sneak up something for you to eat, as well. We’ll have to wait until it’s completely dark, though.”

You had so much to tell him, so much to ask, so much to thank him for. The fairy-man rotated on the stub of his heel to walk away, and you whispered out, “San!” He glanced back at you with a curious expression, and you nodded your head, sincerely grateful, “Thank you.” The questions could wait, you supposed.

A smile so wide spread across his lips that his eyes almost disappeared. Around savage pirates practically all his life, he rarely ever heard those two strangely comforting words. He dipped his head politely and walked away, leaving you to your own overwhelming thoughts.

Sleep had taken you under its dark wing a little while after San left, however fitful and sporadic. Your head pounded as your swollen and aching eyes fluttered open, somewhat surprised to see that it was still dark. Where was San?

Then, as your consciousness shook away the foggy webs of sleep, your brain registered a faint singing voice. However, it wasn’t just any rotten pirates’ singing voice; it sounded as if a woman was wailing, but in the most beautiful way possible. The trembling vocal chords pierced through the night sky, high-pitched and ringing in your ears melodically. It was a song in a language you couldn’t understand, but the warbled words molded together sounded pure and whole, just about placing you under a trance. But of course, you were still quite dazed and confused from slumber, unable to clearly hear the singing voices. On top of that, the water seemed to be extra loud, splashes and waves thundering against the boat almost every five seconds.

Tired, you rolled your stiff neck. Strangely, you noticed that the deck in front of you was void of any pirates. Glancing to the side, there was not a single soul to be seen manning the navigational wheel. Your neck ached as you craned it to look upwards, squinting at the crows’ nest, just to see that it was equally empty. Where are they? you thought absent-mindedly.

The singing was getting louder, and you had to physically shake your head to get your mind out of the gutters. The ropes strained against the skin of your raw wrists even more when you shifted to look behind you.

The sight that you were met with had you reeling against the mast in panic. 

Sirens. Dozens of them, sitting on moldy rocky ledges jutting out of the ocean waters. They were beautiful creatures, smooth skins tainted a faint green and shimmery silver hair just long enough to drape wetly over their breasts. They bore seductive expressions and parted their full lips to croon out the mesmerizing song in unison.

And the splashing against the boat? With a choked gasp of horror, the undisputed mystery of where all the pirates had gone was answered. One by one, they were marching off the planks, plummeting into the salty ocean waters, swimming as if their life depended on it, closer and closer to the beckoning sirens. They all held entranced expressions, some with gaping mouths and others with fully blown pupils of adoration and lust.

The sirens were far enough where you weren’t fully under influence, but much too close to be clear of mind. You had to count yourself lucky for being female; it was known that sirens had stronger effects on men. But you didn’t have much time to spare.

You suddenly became short of breath in panic. Where was San? Had he already jumped off? Blowing out a shuddering sigh, your neck trembled with great effort as you angled yourself to look back again. It was easy to spot his brightly-colored mane, the pink starkly bright in the moonlight.

“SAN!” You screamed to the best of your abilities, voice scratchy from your previous slumber. For a second, the fairy-man seemed to twitch slightly into your direction. A particularly high-pitched note echoed across the waters, just about slicing through any hesitation San might’ve held. Just like that, he turned completely away from you with a stupefied look, before hopping off the ship and plunging into the ocean.

A scream of protest ripped through your throat. There was no time to think… you could already feel their lulling voices numb the corners of your mind…

No. No, I have to get out of this. 

With a quick glance back, a flare of hope ignited somewhere within your chest when you spotted a dagger just behind you, buried in the fraying wood of a grog barrel. Its handle was jutting out in your direction, the crooked blade void of rust and gleaming with reflected moonlight. Excruciating pain shot through your right arm as you twisted your wrist about, desperate to be freed of the knot. The hardest part was getting your hand through the tight loophole, groaning at the throbbing sensation.

After frantically yanking yourself upwards, you managed to wrench your right wrist free, covered with blood and scratches and blisters. Then, with no time to spare, you reached as far as you could behind you, towards the barrel. Your bones ached and cracked under the strain, but you pushed through with gritted teeth. Tears ran down your twisted features from the pain. With a final shriek, you lunged and wrapped your blood-slicken fingers around the hilt. The sick sound of your left shoulder popping had you screaming in pained misery, but there was no time to lament. You’d fix it up later.

It took little effort to extract the blade out of the rotting wood. You prayed not to drop the dagger as your hand trembled ruthlessly. Swallowing dryly, you raised the blade to your left wrist, and began hacking away at the ropes.

They were tough, coarse things, but gave way eventually, unraveling with each strand. You didn’t even have to cut through the whole thing until it was weak enough to break on its own. 

You were free. 

The sirens’ song grew louder and louder, and frantically, you wobbled away from the mast and to the side of the ship, steadying your shaking legs against the rail. Every fibre of your being screamed at you to stop and jump into the water, swim to the beautiful melody that came from just over there…

“No!” You managed to moan out. Your left arm was completely useless; you weren’t able to move the limb at all. The tearing of your shirt as you somehow managed to rip off the sleeve rang in your muddled head alongside the foreign words quavering through the air. You used the dagger to slice the cloth in half, and shoved each piece into your ears. It was disgusting and uncomfortable, but it would have to suffice. The sirens’ voices sounded little other than muffled hums, and though you had to stay cautious, you could already feel your mind clear tremendously.

The last of the pirates had just clambered off the side. You would’ve heard the large splash he made as he cannon-balled into the waters if it weren’t for your make-shift ear plugs.

You were tired. You were thirsty, aching, sleepy, and just about every other bad feeling one could possibly have. Unfortunately, the ship was still heading right towards the sirens, no doubt turned off-course by a crewmate heavily under their influence.

And so, you dragged your heavy limbs over to the navigational wheel, letting out a soft tormented wince when the small act of curling your quaking fingers around the wooden spokes were enough to send what felt like great electric shocks of pain up your spine. Then, you spun the wheel one-handed, over and over and over again until the massive beauty of a ship leaned away from the sirens (who were clearly enraged, hissing and baring their sharp teeth), silkily gliding over the waters. Warm ocean air billowed into your face and tousled your hair, and for the first time since you’ve gotten onto the ship, you didn’t feel like throwing up. 

A part of you felt bad for leaving San, the only pirate to show you even just a morsel of empathy. Who knows, maybe he’d survive. He was half fairy, after all. You muttered out a soft soft wish of good luck for the pink-haired man, though you doubted that would do much.

Your mind was quick to leap from the fate of San to a man who’s been in your life for much longer. Where would you be if it weren’t for him?

Wooyoung wasn’t one to just… give up like that. He couldn’t be dead. Perhaps you were being a fool for holding onto hope, but you would gladly welcome that title if there was even the slightest chance that he was still out there, alive and breathing.

And so, you steeled your nerves by drawing in a grand breath. Your lips settled in a firm, determined line.

You were going to go find Wooyoung.

Where were you to start?

Dozens and dozens of maps and scrolls were tossed about as you pillaged through the papers, in search of a chart that would actually be of use to you. Much to your dismay, there weren’t any maps whatsoever that held the directions to Virelis. There goes that plan down the drain. Where else was there to go?

The sling that held up your left arm was procured hastily from the medbay after you popped your dislocated shoulder back into its socket with a quailing shriek. The pain had faded into a dull ache, but at least now you could wiggle your fingers. That was a good sign, you supposed. Your stomach was full with what you could find in their kitchen pantries (which was mostly just stale biscuits and half-cooked fish), and to be honest, you felt better than you have in a long, long time, despite the circumstances.

There was still the problem of finding him, though. If you could recall correctly, you were only around a days’ sail away from where they had kicked Wooyoung off.

But that would mean turning back to Cerulea. And that… definitely didn’t sound smart. You rubbed your fingers against your throbbing temple, taking a long swig of refreshing water from a pitcher. Gentle light was filtering in through the small circular window, illuminating the yellowed maps in such a way to make them look golden. There was no time to appreciate the simple beauty of this, however, because a stupid, moronishly foolish, plan was forming in your head.

What if you went back to Cerulea? Would Wooyoung be waiting for you there? Maybe he was staying with Yunho while he got back on his feet. After all, it’s not like he could swim all the way to Virelis, especially with how injured he was. Cerulea was a much closer, safer plan. It was the only place he could go, right?

Unease twisted your stomach at the thought of going back to the country that locked you in a dark dungeon for moons upon moons upon moons. Deep down inside, you knew that no part of Wooyoung would ever willingly go back to Cerulea. Not after all he went through trying to get out. But what else were you to do? And even if he weren’t there, at least you’d be able to inform Yunho on what happened. Then the sweet giant of a man could help you find him.

You stood up, compasses and maps slipping off your lap, respectively clanging and fluttering towards the ground noisily. With large, determined strides, you exited the navigational room and to the main deck, where the steering wheel was situated. Warm, salty breeze whispered against your ears, calm and encouraging.

“I’ll find you, Wooyoung,” Your words were swiftly stolen by the wind. You hoped that gale would be kind enough to carry the message over to him, however impossible it was.

Halfway across the world, laid an unconscious dark-haired man, clad in nothing save for his smallclothes and bandages tightly wrapped around his skull. He was situated stiffly atop a narrow bed, scars and bruises still quite fresh and clearly visible against his paler-than-usual skin.

Wooyoung awoke with a startled choke of a gasp, sore eyes flying wide open. There was a searing pain in his abdomen as he sat up, wheezing and hissing in agony. He took in his surroundings with a panicked demeanor, gaze landing on the mildly surprised fair-headed figure with striking green eyes standing by the doorway, fresh bandages in his palms. He’s an elf, Wooyoung realized after a long moment of gaping, noticing the ever-so-slightly pointed ears poking out beneath silvery locks and the infamous nature-woven clothes only elves wore.

“Took you long enough,” He said in a thick Elvish accent, followed by a beguiling snort. “I thought you would stay asleep forever. I’m Yeosang.”

Wooyoung blinked sluggishly once, twice, and a third and fourth time for good measure. He knew very well that he should probably answer. After all, elves were widely known to be an easily offended kind. But for the love of everything he held dear, he just couldn’t seem to crack his lips open. 

The two stared at each other awkwardly for a second more. Then promptly, his eyes rolled into the back of his skull as his upper half crumpled onto the bed, instantaneously returning into the sweet relief of unconsciousness.

[luvlyrv]

Naughty | pt. 3 | Irene x F!Reader | Mafia!AU

Summary: Two crime bosses entangled in a deadly and tension filled rivalry start to find themselves entangled in a different kind of relationship.

Not without going through a lot of death, pain, fighting and teasing first of course.

Word Count: 1.7k

A/N: I don’t know if I have the time to write a lot right now so I’m posting the things I already finished and are sitting in my draft. Enjoy reading! Irene and Y/N’s relationship kinda uhhh gets complicated from here on out lol

Completely unrelated but, how many times can I rewatch every single ‘Red Velvet: A Mess’ video? The answer is way too many.

Date: 1/12/21 (written)

Series Masterlist

Part 3: A Dance to Remember

Irene is looking over a hung up map of the city in her office when she heard a knock.

"Come in."

Seulgi, her second in command, entered the room. She held a plastic bag in her hand and had a pissed-off looking face. She walked towards Irene's desk and threw it there.

"A gift, from Y/N to you presumably." She announced.

Irene stepped away from examining the map and turned around to look at the bag on her desk. The bag had a horrible smell, and as Irene got close enough to see its contents she understood why. All 10 fingers of the recent informant Irene got in contact with. She gave out a low and short chuckle.

"Why are you laughing?" Seulgi was furious, because this was not how things were supposed to go.

"She's interesting, isn't she?" Irene asked playfully.

"Yeah, interestingly good at fucking up our plans, Irene." Seulgi still wasn't having it.

"Don't worry, you know me." Irene said as she strutted down to sit on her chair. She sits and looks up at Seulgi who now had a confused face. "I always get what I want, and what I want is to win this game."

Seulgi bites her lips, knowing that Irene had plans stirring up in her brain. She sighed and sat down across from her boss.

"You know I'll always be one step ahead, right?" Irene asks Seulgi.

"Of course. So, what do you want me to do now?" Seulgi responds.

-

If Joseph was being honest, tonight there would be a gala hosted by some rich businessman you frankly didn't care for. What you did care for however, was the fact that Joseph said Irene was supposed to be there.

You stood in front of your vast closet. You had to choose the right outfit for tonight. Something fashionable, prim and proper, yet not too glamorous as to make you stick out like a sore thumb. After several moments of contemplation, you decided on a maroon dress that hugged your body. It fell just right above your ankles. It was a simplistic dress, one without jewels adorning it nor any extra patterns, but the simplicity was what made it so beautiful to you.

You quickly change into the dress and brush through your hair, trying to make sure you wouldn't look like a mess when you would inevitably be surrounded by snotty rich people. For safety, instead of settling on heels you decided that perhaps nice-looking flats would be enough. You also grab a fitting purse and inside the purse was only your pistol and a tracker.

When you leave your house, you find Taehyung patiently waiting outside. He's looking fashionable himself in his tuxedo. When he catches sight of you he smiles and looks at you up and down.

"You certainly will blend in."

He opens the passenger seat for you and then makes his way to the driver's seat. He begins to take the both of you to where the gala was, and to pass the time you reviewed the plan over with him.

"Taehyung, you're purely there for recon. Don't get a trigger finger, and no matter how bad things seem don't butt-in. We really can't risk blowing our cover."

Taehyung just nods in response.

"I'll either plant a tracker on her or we'll have to follow her on foot and car. Just... don't worry about me too much. I really can't afford you getting anxious and well..."

"Yeah, I get it."

You didn't want to remind Taehyung about the fact he blew the last mission you guys had that was similar to this.

You know you're finally at the gala when you see a building with expensive cars surrounding it, lights lighting it up like a heavenly palace. You grab an intricate mask that covered your eyes from the dashboard of the car. Luckily, it looked more like a fashion statement that went with your dress rather than an attempt to hide your identity. Taehyung also wears a matching mask, with the plan being that the two of you would sneak into the event and then play it off as girlfriend and boyfriend if anyone asked.

After walking the perimeter, you finally found a spot in the back of the building with a clear route to sneak in with. The two of you enter the building with ease and began to bustle about. Taehyung would always be a couple feet in your vicinity, looking out for your back. Meanwhile you would be scanning the area for a woman that matched Joseph's description.

Beautiful, he said, you can't help but to chortle at the thought, but that did pique your curiosity about her. Joseph said she was short in stature but likely going to wear heels. Black hair and pale skin. Nearly a guarantee that she would be accompanied by her underboss, Seulgi. Brown hair and cat-like features on her face.

Honestly, Joseph's description was vague and shitty, but you'd make it work. After all, all you had to do was look out for a person who's face screamed "I've murdered and seen murder".

Of course, one can always try to pass off as innocent and pure, and most probably wouldn't notice. But you knew that among people like yourself, someone like Irene would be noticeable. Her body language should say it all.

After an hour of searching though, you begin to feel your hope falter. You couldn't find anyone that seemed to fit the description of Irene or Seulgi. You sigh, until you feel a tap on your shoulder. You flinch and quickly turn around, only to calm down when you realize it's just Taehyung.

"Jeez, you scared me."

He chuckles a bit before his face turned a bit more serious.

"Sorry about that, I just wanted to say, maybe that's her?"

He points to a far off corner, and you feel like he's hit a mark. You open up your purse just slightly. You gently grab the tracker and hide it within the clutches of your left hand. You begin to walk over to the corner Taehyung pointed to, and smiled to meet a woman that seemed like Irene. As you begin approaching her she notices your presence and turns over to you with a blank face.

You bow down in front of her and extend your right hand with your left behind your back.

"May I have a dance with you?"

The woman quirks up an eyebrow, a strange look on her face. Nonetheless, she hesitantly gives you her hand. They're small, and despite the cold look she was giving you they felt incredibly soft and warm. You begin to dance with her.

"May I know your name, pretty lady?" You ask her.

"Hmm," she hums to herself, "you can call me Irene, and I'll let you know that I'm thoroughly unimpressed right now".

Even though she says she's unimpressed, she continues dancing with you, her hips swaying with yours. After only a couple seconds of silence she asks you the same question.

"And who might you be?"

"Your lover for tonight, perhaps?" You try to play sly with her. As bad as a line that was, you smiled anyways. Irene lets a sharp exhale out of her nose.

"Now I'm really unimpressed." She says with a small smirk on her face.

As the orchestral music crescendos, you dip Irene low to the ground. Your left hand is on the dip on her small back as she allows her weight to rest on you. You hold her steady for a couple seconds as you secretly press the tracker into her dress. You're excited to know that the first step of your plan was complete, and you feel your heart rush with excitement.

Or was your heart rushing for a different reason?

You pull Irene back up and close to you, the both of you pressed up together chest to chest.

"Did you enjoy the dance, Irene?"

"What is it to you?"

You laugh a little at her response and pull away.

"Well, if you're not going to answer I suppose you won't. Farewell for now, Irene." You slip out of sight from Irene and into the crowd of other dancers. For a second though, you finally notice a girl that you would assume to be Seulgi, staring down at you with a confused glare.

You quickly make your way back to Taehyung and force him to follow you to the car.

Your ears are red. Your face is flushed. Your heart is beating so fast.

Taehyung turns on the car light and takes off your mask, shocked to see you sweating so much. He puts his hand on your forehead.

"Shit, Y/N are you sick?"

You shake your head no.

"Just nervous. I mean. Shit I think Seulgi might've known." You explain to Taehyung. He just nods. Another part of you, deep down inside though, is repeating the feeling of Irene's hand in yours, the feeling of you holding her, the subtle waft of peaches of cream coming from her body. Why were those thoughts in your head?

"Taehyung, pull out the laptop. Let's just wait for the party to end in a bit and then follow."

"Alright then."

Taehyung grabs the laptop from the back seats of the car and turns it on, pulling up the software that blinked where the tracker was. You sighed with relief, as it looked like it was still on Irene.

Now all you had to do was confront Irene when she entered a place where she thought she'd be safe. It was as simple as that.

The problem though, was that it was as simple as that. A feeling of uncertainty and anxiousness began to squeeze your chest. Things... shouldn't be this easy. Things rarely ever came this easy. No way could it be that easy to fool your rival, right? You try to calm yourself down though. After all they never removed the tracker from Irene. Even though Seulgi glared at you, that could just be because of your close vicinity with her, not because she thought you were out to kill Irene.

Yeah, things would turn out fine.

[2dmenenthusiast]

Let’s be sad together (Peter Parker x Depressed Reader)

A/N PLEASE READ!!: heeey so before we get into this, this story is told in the first person, which I know some people don’t like but I felt it was best for this particular fic because there is some self-hate in here and I didn’t want the reader to feel targetted and make them feel like shit? I hope that made sense. keep in mind this fic deals with themes of DEPRESSION, something I myself struggle with. So if you’re not comfortable with this, please don’t read. I’ve read plenty of x depressed! reader fics, and most of what I read doesn’t do the feelings justice or it romanticises depression. It’s usually like “oh youre depressed? Well i love you and boom youre fixed!” Yeah I hate shit like that lol. But I am certainly not trying to romanticise depression or mental illness by writing this. I wanted to make a fic people like me can relate to, the thoughts and feelings, etc. It was honestly super difficult, I wrote the first draft and completely scrapped it cuz I hated it. I really tried my best here, guys, and I hope you like it. And always remember that you’re not alone and things do eventually get better. It just takes time and a little help. Once again I tried to keep the reader as nuetral as possible so everyone can read! (I fucking suck at titles btw)

Plot: Peter notices something’s been wrong with you lately, and you prepare yourself for the inevitable break-up once he confronts you about it.

Words: 2,562

Warnings: Themes of depression and anxiety, self hate, angst

Loving Peter Parker was absolutely suffocating.

Sometimes I couldn’t decide if dating him was the worst or best decision I ever made, but I knew one thing for sure. He had me wrapped around his finger, and there was no leaving him even if I tried. Not that I wanted to. Peter is… well, he’s perfect. Sure, he’s dorky and can ramble about technical stuff that I can’t even begin to understand for hours on end, but if anything, those things only added to the list of reasons why he’s perfect. Oh, and he’s Spiderman. My boyfriend is Spiderman. In other words, nights were spent worrying about whether he’d make it home safely or not, and some were spent patching him up when he came knocking on my window after a particularly bad fight. He made me happy. Happier than I had ever been probably. So… why did I still feel this way?

At first, a part of me thought that being with Peter would… fix things, I guess. That maybe if I was in a relationship, it would cause all the rushing thoughts inside my head to go away. And at first, it did help. There were more nights that I could sleep peacefully, and there wasn’t a constant feeling of anxiousness sitting in my stomach. But of course, that relief never lasted long. I knew it wouldn’t, but a part of me hoped it would.

Overthinking had always been an issue. Every situation had a “what if,” and this was no different. Thoughts of Peter leaving me began to occupy my mind almost every second of every day, and now, rather than feeling relaxed in his presence, I felt a constant feeling of anxiety. Like my heart was stuck in my throat and I couldn’t breathe, an invisible weight crushing my chest. Sometimes I’d get so overwhelmed with my feelings that I’d have to leave the room and calm myself down so that I wouldn’t cry. And other days I’d completely close myself off from everyone, laying in my bed all day and feeling so upset and worthless.

This wasn’t Peter’s fault. No, he treated me like fucking royalty. This was due to my own dumb self and my own dumb emotions and my dumb fucking ways of overthinking shit I shouldn’t even be thinking about. But it’s always been like this, and no amount of listening to sad songs and telling myself everything was going to be okay was going to change that. I wasn’t immune to feeling insecure either. Especially when Peter hung out with his other friends, but I immediately told myself not to think about that stuff. I didn’t want to be that partner that gets jealous of their partner’s friends when I’m not getting every second of their attention. No, thinking that way felt toxic, and that was the last thing I wanted to be.

But sometimes, I couldn’t help those thoughts from sinking in. There were so many people out there. So many people that were funnier and better looking than me… So why did Peter settle for me? Why would he want to date someone with so much fucking baggage? Someone who could barely get out of bed in the morning while already wishing for the day to be over? Someone who thought so fucking little of themselves as a human being? There were times where I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror, because those were the days I really hated myself. Sometimes I feel like he fell out of love with me a long time ago and now he won’t leave me because he feels bad, which only made me feel worse for keeping him in a relationship he probably didn’t even want to be in. 

I couldn’t say anything to Peter about this. How could I? He would just try to fix everything and I didn’t need fixing. I just wanted him there to reassure me that he loved me as much as I loved him. That he wouldn’t leave me because of how mentally fucked I was. Even if he did tell me those things, I don’t know if I’d even believe him. My mind probably wouldn’t even let me. I imagined if I did try to tell him everything I was feeling, I probably wouldn’t be able to explain it in a way that he could understand. I was just so tired. Tired of waiting for the inevitable moment when Peter would break up with me, and I’d be left with an expected broken heart. I’ve even been preparing for the day it happens so that it doesn’t kill me when it hurts, just like I do with every situation. Rather than give my hopes up and be disappointed, I just assume the worst from the get-go. 

I don’t know how it hasn’t happened yet. How he hasn’t noticed the way I just shut down when the day gets hard. How I constantly look like I’m just in my own head, either when all of us are hanging out or when it’s just me and him. I want him to know. I want to tell him all the shit that’s running through my mind, but a part of me is terrified that I’ll just scare him away. So I just pretend it’s fine. Like I’m not ready to bust and rip open at the seams.

Today was another one of those days where I just felt like locking myself in my room and never coming out. However, the usual excuse of “I just don’t feel good,” didn’t work on Peter this time. He knew that there was something wrong. I could see it in the way he looked at me. I thought I had gotten away with it at first, laying in my bed and mindlessly scrolling on my phone, not even present in my head, just kind of there. But I knew I was screwed when I heard a knock on my window and opened my curtains just to see Peter sitting on the fire escape. I didn’t say anything as I opened the window, just watching as he stumbled into my room while pulling on the sleeves of my hoodie, something I often did when I felt that familiar anxiousness creeping in.

He made sure to shut the window after he was inside, and I immediately shrunk under his gaze when he turned to me, feeling too ashamed to meet his eyes.

“Hey, um…” 

He hesitated, and I watched the way he rubbed his palms against his jeans, almost as if he was feeling nervous. I could imagine how he was feeling, though. I was nervous too.

“I know this is kinda abrupt, um… but I just wanted to stop by and you know, make sure you’re feeling okay and all that. I was worried, so…”

Worried? He was worried about me? I blinked a few times, trying to rack my brain for a quick lie I could tell him, but that wasn’t what came out when I spoke.

“Uh… yeah. Yeah, I’m fine, I just… I guess I’ve just been feeling kinda low today.”

I immediately wanted to swallow the words that left my mouth, not believing that I actually willingly let him know that I wasn’t really feeling okay.

“Oh?” He took a step forward, which immediately made me want to take a step back. “How come? Was today just not a good day?”

Peter was so unbelievably sweet and considerate, I almost wanted to cry right then and there. He always treated me so well… but he deserved someone better. Someone that wasn’t me.

“I-I guess? I don’t know, it’s just kinda hard to explain,” I muttered, reaching a hand up to rub the back of my neck that felt strangely warm.

“Do you wanna talk about it? I have plenty of time. I actually left the group to come see you, so I don’t mind listening.”

My eyes slightly widened as my gaze quickly met his, looking at him as if he was crazy. Hell, he just might’ve been if he stopped hanging out with his friends just to see me.

“You… Why would you do that?” I asked softly, my voice almost a whisper as I tried to keep it from trembling.

His brows furrowed and he tilted his head slightly, looking at me almost incredulously as he stepped closer.

“Do I need a reason? I wanted to see you.”

He said it so confidently, as if he was so positive that he rather be spending his time with me than his buddies. It kind of made me feel a bit guilty. He could be spending his time with his friends and having fun, but instead, he was here, and I was trying not to break down in front of him.

“But your friends… wouldn’t you rather hang out with them?” I asked, arms crossing over my chest as if I was protecting myself from something.

Peter just smiled. “I could chill with them any time I want. Why would I skip out on an opportunity to see my baby, hm?”

My hand quickly shot up to cover my mouth, and I could feel tears starting to push through.

“He wouldn’t say that if he knew,” I thought, and it immediately became harder to contain the tears when he closed the short distance between us and placed his hands on my shoulders, his expression clearly one of concern.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Did something happen?”

I shook my head, sniffling as I reached up and wiped at my teary eyes.

“I’m fine, I just-”

You’re not. You’re really not fine, y/n. This is not fine.

My walls were quickly crumbling down as a tear slipped down my cheek, which caused more to follow, and I let out a choked sob as Peter placed a hand on the back of my head and gently pulled me into his chest, his other hand running over my back. He didn’t say anything, just let me cry to my heart’s content as I gripped onto the front of his shirt for dear life.

“I… I’m not okay, Peter. Nothing’s okay,” I mumbled into his chest, and he gently pushed me back as he carefully held my face in his hands, thumbs wiping at my tear stained cheeks.

“What’s not okay, y/n? C’mon, talk to me.”

“Everything!” I yelled, and I could tell he was surprised by my sudden outburst as I pulled myself away from his embrace.

“Everything is not okay, Peter. Fuck, I just…” I brought my arm up over my eyes as my bottom lip quivered, my eyes burning as more tears fell. “Everything’s just so hard and I’m so tired. And I’m making everything so complicated for myself, it’s not even anyone’s fault that I’m feeling like this. It’s mine.” I sniffled and wiped at my eyes again, but it did nothing to stop the endless tears that had spent too much time being held in. “A-And I don’t know what to do, Peter. I really don’t. I’m so fucking tired of hurting and I just want the thoughts and feelings to stop. Fuck sometimes I just wish I felt nothing!”

I looked up at Peter when he didn’t say anything, and found that he was just looking at me. There wasn’t any judgement or disgust in his eyes. At least, not from what I could tell. He looked… worried. Maybe even a little sad. Was he upset over what I said? Is he bummed out that he found out what I’m actually like? I let out a sigh and wiped my nose against my sleeve, suddenly finding my feet very interesting as I looked down. The silence was fucking deafening, and in that moment, I wanted to throw myself off the fire escape and into traffic below.

“How long have you felt like this?” Peter suddenly asked, his voice quiet as if he was trying to not startle me.

I hesitantly looked up at him, pulling at my sleeves again as I shrugged my shoulders.

“If you’re talking about all the depressing shit, ever since my early teens, I guess. But um… I’ve been having other thoughts recently. Ever since we got together, actually.”

I winced as soon as the words left my mouth. Would I regret this? Most definitely. Did Peter need to know? No, but he deserved to.

Peter frowned. “Really? Like… what kind of thoughts?”

I sighed and ran a hand down my face.

“Fuck, Peter, I just… You’re Peter Parker. You’re Spiderman! And I’m just-”

“Amazing, beautiful, the best partner I could ever ask for. Should I go on?” he asked with a small smirk, and I let out an amused huff as I placed a hand against his chest and lightly pushed him.

“I’m serious, Peter. I’m just… I’m fucked up, okay? Nothing about me is normal, hell the thoughts I have certainly aren’t. And I doubt you wanna be with someone who has so much shit going on with them-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Peter interrupted, waving his hands in front of my face. “Who said anything about me not wanting to be with you?”

I scoffed. “I mean, it’s a no brainer, Peter. You saw me just now. I mean, sometimes I break down over the dumbest shit-”

“It’s not dumb if it makes you upset,” he said, his tone a bit harsh.

I didn’t know how to respond to that. No one had ever really validated my feelings like that before.

“I-”

“No, y/n. Why would you think any of this would be a problem for me? I mean… No, nevermind, I understand why you would think that. You can’t help it right? But listen to me.” He placed his hands on my arms, making sure I was focusing on him. “No matter how messed up you think you are… you’ll always be my favorite person, y/n. You don’t have to hide how you feel, you don’t need to be scared. If you’re having a bad day, tell me, and we can have a bad day together. We can lay in bed all day and munch on food that will probably take years off of our life, we can do anything you want. Just tell me, okay? If something ever happened to you… shit, y/n.”

He then pulled me into a bone crushing hug, holding onto me as if I’d disappear if he let me go.

“That’s my worst nightmare. I could handle being kicked out of the avengers or any other terrible stuff. But losing you? Just thinking about it breaks my heart, baby.”

I felt the tears rising once again as I took in what he said, not used to hearing someone say these things to me. Leave it to Peter Parker to make me feel completely vulnerable and open, something I usually hated. I immediately relaxed in his embrace, letting out a soft cry as my arms wrapped around his waist and I buried my face in his neck.

“I love you, Peter,” I muttered softly, my heart skipping when I felt Peter’s lips against my temple, smiling against my skin.

“I love you too, y/n. Please don’t ever forget that.”

Maybe opening up a bit wasn’t the worst thing that could happen.

[cordonian-literature]

The Aftermath - Ch. 20

Dinner

Summary: Riley spends the day with her friends at Ramsford, and after Liam returns from the funeral, they enjoy a meal together

Word Count: ~5.7k

A/N: flashbacks are in ~italics~

Warnings: mention of character death

*All characters belong to Pixelberry, except those that are unique to my story (I’ve also used some characters and fictional instances from Donna Tartt’s “The Goldfinch”)*

Catch up here

A/N 2: forgive me for the last post. I clicked “post” from my phone and it literally only posted the title lol

Tags:  @captain-kingliamsqueen​​ @marshmallowsaremyfavorite​​ @gkittylove99​​ @lovablegranny​​ @loudbluebirdlover @mom2000aggie​​ @kingliam2019​​ @queenrileyrose​​ @shanzay44 @cordonianroyalty​​ @hopefulmoonobject​​ @hopelessromanticmonie @cinnamonspongecake​​ @queenjilian​​ @kuladekiwi​​ @twinkle-320​​ @iaminlovewithtrr​​ @charlotteg234​​ @amandablink​​ @texaskitten30​​ @tinkie1973 @louiseingram1208 @queencatherynerhys​​ @pens-girl-87​​ @missevabean​​ @ladyangel70​​ @sanchita012​​ @cordonianprincess​​ @liamandneca @cordonia-gothqueen​​ @pink-diamond13​​​

I’m sorry, the tags are being weird and I don’t know if they’re working or not… but I hope I got everyone down! If I missed someone, or anyone wants to be added/removed, let me know :)

I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing, and please excuse any grammatical errors :))

Also just wanted to say thank you for all the likes, reblogs, and comments<3

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- Riley - 

After the kids and Liam left to attend Regina’s funeral, I introduced Hana to Rowan, and we spent the day talking about their personal lives. I was grateful that neither of them brought up any questions about Theo or my life with him, but throughout the day my mind wandered back to my dead husband.

I missed him, and as much as I wanted to hate that fact... I didn’t. I had to peel myself away from wondering about the details of what happened to him when the bomb went off. Was it a slow death or a quick one? Was he thinking about the kids? Was he trapped? Did he see the guards run through the exhibit as I did?

Being back in Cordonia was beyond surreal. I had dreamed about coming back for years, and the topic was something Theo and I used to argue about a lot. Thinking back to those arguments makes me realize how futile they were: here I am now, no thanks to Theo, and there was no fighting involved in bringing me here.

I jump back to reality after silence spends around me. Hana and Rowan were having a conversation, but they stopped talking and were looking at me inquisitively, a shy smile on Rowan’s face.

“So do you think I should say no?” she asks, looking between Hana and I.

“The court can be a cruel place sometimes,” Hana tells her. “But I can give you some tips to make it easier.”

“Sorry, what were you talking about?” I say. “I zoned out.”

“Um, so,” Rowan begins. “Maxwell asked if I would like to join the court for the Social Season.”

“What?” I make a face. “Really?”

Rowan blushes and looks down. “Yeah, um...”

Hana and I lean forward, waiting for her to continue.

She sighs and her shoulders slump. “I thought he asked me because he wanted to spend more time with me, but I think he’s just concerned about Gabriel and Eleanor having like a support system, y’know?”

“I mean, Gabe and Ella should be fine,” I state. “Liam said he’d look out for them, and I’ll be there, too.”

She looks up at me and tilts her head. “You know that’s what I thought... but then I felt like he might’ve said that because he wanted to spend time with me? Nevermind, that’s dumb.”

“I haven’t seen you two together for long,” Hana jumps in. “But you both seemed quite friendly with one another yesterday evening.”

Rowan laughs to herself. “Yeah, he was showing me a video of a dancing corgi. I thought it was cute and then he started sending me all these dog memes.”

“That’s definitely Maxwell. And if you want, you can join the court for the Social Season.” I reach out to touch her knee. “I know I’ve probably scared you away from it, but your Social Season should be nothing like mine.”

“You’re right,” she answers. “Different circumstances.”

For a moment I wondered why she was so concerned about Maxwell’s reasons behind inviting her to join court, but Savannah interrupts us and says that lunch is ready.

With Hana and Rowan’s help, I managed to hop down the stairs and towards the dining room. Once there, I notice Bertrand sitting at the head of the table, Bartie, Olivia, Maxwell, and Drake sitting next to a woman I didn’t know.

I maintain my balance against a chair and watch her walk up to me. She’s almost as tall as Drake, and her kinky hair is neatly pulled back. “Pleasure to meet you,” she says. “I’m Jessica.”

“Riley,” I say, shaking her hand.

We all take our seats and start our meal. Bertrand mentions that the press have noticed that House Beaumont and House Nevrakis are not in attendance for the Queen Mother’s funeral. Olivia comments, saying that if she could, she would make her disdain towards Regina even more apparent, all because of what she did to Liam.

I look down at my plate, feeling guilty. I was part of Liam’s continued pain — and Gabriel’s, for that matter. If I hadn’t left in the first place, none of us would be in such an awkward position.

The subject shifts towards the upcoming Social Season. Savannah tells us that she’s heard some of the other noble ladies say that there will be some international presence this year.

She continues the discussion with Bertrand and Hana, with a little input from Jessica. She had an accent, and her voice sounded like music; I was fine with staying quiet and listening to her talk. I notice that Drake’s shoulders are oddly tense, though his face is calm. He had told me a bit about his relationship with Jessica, but I wanted to know more.

“Jessica,” I jump into the conversation, grabbing everyone’s attention. “Have you ever gone through the Social Season before?”

She gives a lighthearted laugh and puts her hand on Drake’s arm, who doesn’t react. “Drake has always told me that he thinks I would not enjoy the Social Season.”

“Depends,” he says. “You’d like the fancy parties and ball gowns, but people in the court are two-faced.”

She clicks her tongue. “When has that ever made a difference in one’s life? It’s only negatively impactful if you allow it to be so.” She turns back to her food and continues, “But nevermind that, I’ve decided that I will join for the season this year.”

Drake’s head jerks in her direction, and then I notice him quickly glance towards me.

“Oh, this’ll be my first year, too!” Rowan states. “So both of us will be going through something new.”

“The court can be a delightful place when one has the right companions,” Hana tells them.  

For the rest of our meal, a pensive look remains on Drake’s face. After everyone leaves the dining room and I follow Hana and Rowan back to my room, I notice Jessica give Drake a quick kiss before she walks down the driveway and into a Jeep.

Drake walks off, and Maxwell trails behind him, claiming that he was excited to finally get to know his future sister-in-law.

After I reach the top of the stairs, Rowan leans in and says, “Hey, was it just me, or does Jessica look really familiar?”

I recall her face, and try to attach it to someone I may have known during my time in New York. “No,” I tell her.

She shrugs it off and leads me back into my room.

Rowan turns on the TV, and we watch “Game of Thrones” with Hana, whose eyes are glued to the screen. Eventually, Savannah joins us and once in a while Bertrand checks in on us.

He had the staff bring us snacks, and when we were a little more than half-way through the first season, Bertrand tells us that Liam and the kids are probably on their way back.

I throw my legs off the side of the bed and hop towards the bathroom. “I have to get ready for my dinner with Liam.” I tell them.

“You have dinner with His Majesty?” Bertrand exclaims, his eyes going wide.

I stop hopping. “Yeah, he asked me last night before the doctor got here.”

Bertrand looks me up and down and begins to shake his head. “Hurry! There is not nearly enough time to make you presentable! I will go down to the boutique and get you something that would be of King Liam’s preference.”

“I’m not going to be dressing up for his preference!” I try to hop after Bertrand, who is already on his way down the hall. “We’re just going to talk about everything with Gabriel and Eleanor!”

“Nevermind that, blossom!” Maxwell appears from the other end of the hall. “It never hurts to get glammed up!”

Hana pats my shoulder. “I’ll go with Bertrand and make sure he gets something of your style.”

I wanted to tell them to stop, that I had a nice dress in my suitcase, and that would be enough. But I recognize the look in their eyes; there was the same intensity whenever we got ready for an event together, but something was different. There was too much intensity. They not only wanted to do this, they needed it.

I relent, and Hana follows after Bertrand. I go back into the room and manage to take a quick shower.

When Maxwell knocks on the bathroom door, I take a robe and wobble out, coming face-to-face with a green floor-length gown. Hana and Maxwell observe me, waiting for a reaction.

“Isn’t that a little much for dinner?” I ask them.

“It is perfect,” Bertrand states. “Need I remind you, Lady Riley, that royal society strives to uphold sophistication and elegance in every event. This situation is no different, as His Majesty will be dining with you.”

I scoff and roll my eyes. “Bertrand, I know about all the sophistication and elegance. I’ve dined with royalty before, and have been rubbing elbows with New York’s elite. I’ve had my fair share of practice.”

“That does not mean—” he tries to continue, but Savannah puts her hand on his arm.

“Bertrand, let Riley get changed in peace. Let’s go check if everything is set for her and Liam.”

He turns back and hesitates, but then follows his wife out the room. Another pang of guilt vibrates through me. I imagine that Bertrand’s hard exterior didn’t make it easy for him to get through to Savannah and eventually propose. I wished that I had been there to make everything go through more smoothly... or at least have attended their wedding.

I wobble back into the bathroom with the dress. I lean against the wall and eventually get the dress on. I make some small adjustments, making sure I had put it on correctly, when I hear Hana call out:

“Is it comfortable? Sorry if it is too tight or loose, I gave you the same size that you used to wear during the Engagement Tour.”

“It fits like a glove, Hana!” I call back to her. I look at myself in the mirror, and if not for the faint lines on my forehead and the tired bags under my eyes, I could imagine that I was about to exit into my first Beaumont Bash.

I blink away the memories and stumble out of the bathroom. I don’t pay attention to finding matching shoes, but Rowan helps me tie my hair back into a fashionable braid. While she does that, I put on some makeup, and the time passes by so quickly that I’m shocked when Ella runs into the room screaming, “Hi, Mama!”

She hugs my waist and I draw her in. “You look pretty,” she tells me. I check the door to see if Gabriel followed her, but he isn’t there. Hana, Rowan, and Maxwell send smiles my way, and then leave the room.

I turn my attention back to Ella. “Did you have fun?” I ask her.

“Yeah, we got donuts on the way back!”

“That’s nice.”

She takes a seat at the edge of the bed and watches me finish getting ready. I can see her through the mirror in front of me, and I sometimes give little poses that make her erupt into giggles.

“You look... stunning,” a voice says, taking me by surprise. I jump out of my seat. Even though my leg didn’t hurt anymore, I couldn’t balance on it. Liam rushes forward to help me, grabbing my elbow and then my waist.

His outfit wasn’t as formal as it was when he left this morning, but he still looks every bit regal. I wonder how he changed so quickly. I look up at him, putting my hands on his shoulders to balance myself better. His eyes rake over my body, causing a warm feeling to radiate through me.

It’s the first day of school. Even though Gabe had gone through this twice already, his separation anxiety always surfaced when we were about to leave. He left his backpack upstairs and tried to use it as an excuse as to why he couldn’t go. After I rushed into his room and got it for him, Theo asks me if I saw Ella’s backpack anywhere. She looks at me, her rosy cheeks clear compared to Gabe’s tear-stained ones, and tells me that she didn’t think she would need it.

I give Gabe his bag and rush back upstairs to get Ella’s. When I come back down, I trip and begin to fall forwards. Theo’s already there. He grabs my forearms and I stumble into his embrace. Our noses touch for half a second. Theo’s eyes sparkle with a look I don’t appreciate. He chuckles and leans in for a kiss. He tastes like pancake syrup. “I love you,” he tells me, loud enough for the kids to hear.

“Time to go,” I say, and pry myself away from him. I look down at the kids, and find Gabe clutching my shirt.

He’s crying again, saying, “No, mommy, no.” He hiccups nonstop. I lean down to kiss his cheek, and my son’s blue eyes look sadly desperate.

I tell him, “It’s okay, baby, it’s going to be alright.”

In the car, I tell Gabe that the end of the day would show up and he wouldn’t even realize it. Theo is occupied with Ella. She tells him how excited she is for the first day of kindergarten, and most of her words come out in a mumbled blur, but Theo gives her his full attention.

Theo’s hand is on my knee, lightly rubbing it with his thumb. After I give Gabe and Ella another kiss and let them leave for school, I ask him to remove it.

His face stiffens, changing from the soft look he had when he was wishing the kids goodbye.

“I’m doing it for them, okay?” He tells me. “It’s important that they see we don’t hate each other.”

I want to ask him when we have ever done anything to make them think that, but then he gets a phone call and ignores me for the rest of the ride home.

“Are you alright?” Liam’s voice brings me back to reality.

“Yeah, sorry,” I tell him. Turning away from him, I blush when I notice that Ella is still in the room and Gabe is at the door.

I pretend to look for something in my makeup bag. Gabe and Ella giggle behind me, and I hear Liam’s thick chuckle as well. I wonder what they were laughing about, so I turn to look at them.

Liam’s face is fixated on Ella, who stares at Gabe, who clutches his stomach.

“So,” I break their moment of laughter, grabbing Liam’s attention.

He clears his throat, but the playful smile remains. “If you are ready, there is a smaller dining room on this floor. I requested the Duke have it prepared instead of the one downstairs, seeing as though you still have some time before your leg fully heals.”

“Oh. You didn’t have to do that.”

He puts up his hand. “Please, it was nothing.” Liam goes to grab my crutches, and I suddenly feel graceless when I try to move with the gown pooled around me.

Ella tells me, “See you later, Mama-gator!”

I turn back to them, wondering if the donuts Liam bought them were all they ate. “Are you two going to go eat dinner?”

“Maxwell said he would walk us through more courtly etiquette before we eat,” Gabe says. They walk away, and I turn back to Liam.

I notice how he looks at the children as they walk in the opposite direction. My heart swells, and I genuinely hope everything would be smooth sailing from here on out.

We reach a set of ordinate doors that I had never seen before. Two servants open them, and we enter the room.

There’s a small table, probably big enough for four people, but there were only two chairs. A candle and rose sit in the middle of the table, and I remember the roses he sent to me the day we were in Fydelia.

Taking a look around the room, I see that there are candles everywhere: on the floors and window sills and on smaller tables near serving trays.

Glancing at Liam, I notice that he’s been scanning my face the entire time. Sure I was impressed — flattered even — but I didn’t think he should have done all this for a simple dinner.

He leads me to one of the chairs, and pushes it in as I take a seat. Servants take away my crutches.

Liam sits calmly, though he continues to glance around the room as if he was checking that everything was in order.

After a few moments, servants put plates and trays in front of us.

“I didn’t know what you would like,” Liam tells me. “So I had them prepare a variety.”

There is soup, chicken, small tarts, cut up sandwiches, and spaghetti!

I laugh a little when I notice it, and he chuckles, too.

“I thought it would be a nice way to remember how well our first date went.”

We smile at each other awkwardly before serving ourselves. I expected him to start up the conversation, but we continue eating in silence.

Theo mostly conducted business through dinner or lunch and would go by himself. Today, he asked me to tag along, since the person he was meeting would be bringing someone as well.

We don’t talk on the drive over. That’s mostly how it is between us. We manage to keep up the façade in front of the children, friends, and family, but when we’re alone together we remain civil, and only civil.

But the amount of time we spent alone was increasing. Sure sometimes we would argue, but most of the time we acted like close friends. If someone saw us behave like that, they could easily figure out that we had a child together.

Inside the restaurant, two men are already waiting for Theo. We take a seat and order. I remain silent for the most of the meal, but I feel the other men glancing at me.

Theo discusses the benefits of them investing in his and Boris’ company, but the men are difficult to persuade. They almost stand up and leave, but Theo doesn’t lose his cool and gets them to stay.

My husband finishes his little speech, and the men start chuckling behind their wine glasses. They glance at me again, and answer Theo in Russian, which makes his cheeks go red with embarrassment. He loses his calm and curses at them, and they curse back with harsher words.

One of them throws his handkerchief at Theo and they leave the restaurant.

Even though Theo and Boris’ company was doing well — and I honestly thought that they didn’t need this new investor — I knew that it must have felt terrible to get rejected like that.

I put my hand on his shoulder. He takes it and kisses it. We leave the restaurant hand-in-hand. When we get into the car, he leans over and kisses my cheek. I wonder why he did that, since the kids aren’t here.

After the driver passes by our penthouse, I ask him where we’re going. He doesn’t answer me, but smirks. Eventually the car stops and leads me out and into a lavish rooftop restaurant. He tells me that he’s thankful to have me by his side. I sit quietly and watch him talk, looking out into the city around me, taking in the words of this man who I promised myself not to love.

Liam still hasn’t talked, and I begin to get more nervous. Remembering Theodore and our “fake-love” situation, I decide to speak up.

“I think we should set some boundaries,” I tell him.

He chews pensively. “What do you mean?”

“About Gabriel, and what’s going to happen since he’s the heir... and our son.”

Liam looks back down at his plate. “Yes, I believe that is the reason for this dinner.” He sends me a playful smile, but I keep my face straight.

“I know there’s a lot of... gray space between us, considering our relationship and everything.” I glance up to see him staring at me. I expected him to look upset. Remembering fact that he’s been trained since childhood to hide his emotions makes me feel worse.

I do my best to continue, “But I feel like I’ve been neglecting Gabe and Ella these past few days. Even when I didn’t have my memory, I knew that they lost their father, and I partly knew that I had lost my husband, but I was so focused on getting the rest of my memory back, so focused on trying to remember who you were, that I forgot that my children are probably traumatized and struggling emotionally.”

I scan his face, but don’t wait for Liam to answer before I add in, “I lost my father when I was about sixteen, but it was of natural causes... we sort of knew that he was going to pass away before the fact. But Gabe and Ella didn’t know... we had just left them at practice! For their favorite sports! And when they come back they find out that their father is no longer with them and their mother doesn’t know who they are? I can’t even imagine what they went through.”

My voice breaks a little, and I feel like I’ve fully comprehended what I’ve done to my children. My poor little babies.

Liam reaches across the table to take my hand, but I regain my composure. I continue: “Moving to Cordonia didn’t make it any easier. Right now what they need is a support system.”

“Of course,” he answers.

I sit back in my seat. “And... I want to say that I’m sorry. For leaving without telling you. Maybe this wouldn’t have been so hard had I communicated better.”

“It was my fault as well,” Liam states. “You deserved more than the trysts and secrecy.”

I didn’t understand why he was putting unnecessary blame on himself, but a small voice in my head tells me that he did wrong me, and he was right to apologize for it.

“Okay, but,” I try to interrupt him, not wanting to shoulder more blame on either of us. “We have time. To figure out what this is going to be. Until then, we have to... sort of co-parent Gabriel.”

“Co-parent?” Liam asks.

I wonder if he’s ever heard that term before. “Even though our relationship is very uncertain right now, we have to work together to help Gabriel.”

“And Eleanor, of course,” he adds.

I scoff and roll my eyes. “She can be a bit of a handful sometimes. I don’t want you to get worried about her. Gabriel’s your son, you should—"

“She’s nothing I can’t handle.” Liam chuckles. “I’ve spent time with both of them, and they’re quite well-behaved. But... may I ask you something?”

“Go ahead,” I allow him, taking another bite of my spaghetti.

“Why did you choose the names ‘Gabriel’ and ‘Eleanor’ for them?”

I slowly chew my food and swallow it. Liam hasn’t touched his food in the last couple minutes, and I imagine that he’s waiting for me to speak.

“Gabriel was my father’s name,” I tell him. “My mother suggested it.”

At the mention of her, he raises his eyebrows. I notice it and begin to laugh.

“Oh, my God! My mother gave you a hard time, didn’t she? Rowan told me about it.”

Through a broad smile, he says, “Yes, she wanted me to leave immediately and return to Cordonia. I half expected her to kick me out, but I managed to win her over.”

Boris, his wife, and their three children had been visiting the U.S., and we all decided to go to the Bahamas for the long weekend. My mother came with, since she enjoyed Boris and Theo’s company.

Astrid and I were sipping on wine. The children were playing around within sight. Theo sat next to me, with Boris and my mother on the couch in front of us.

They’re all laughing, but I’m tired. Annoyed. Before we flew over here, Theo and I had argued. I told him it was time that I told Gabriel about Liam, and that we returned to Cordonia.

He had been clean for a while now, but I still blamed his irritability on his withdrawals. He would never lash out in front of the kids, but wasn’t kind to me.

He said that if I really wanted to leave, I could just take Gabriel and go.

I wasn’t going to take up his offer, but I went to the drawers where we kept all our passports.

I find Gabe’s, Ella’s, and his, but I can’t find mine. I turn to yell at him, knowing that he took it, but he’s already out of the room. I race to the living room, ready to make him give me back my passport, but my mother has arrived since we said that we would go over to the Bahamas together. She embraces Theo like he’s her own son.

Now here, while we’re supposed to be enjoying some free time with family and friends, Drake, Maxwell, Hana, and Liam’s faces flash before my eyes. Perhaps in another life I was enjoying drinks with them instead of Theo and Boris and Astrid.

Theo notices the distraught look on my face, and wraps his arm around me. He kisses the top of my head, and whispers to me: “I’m sorry.”

There’s a large part of me begging myself to pull away, but I don’t want to be alone. I wanted Liam more than anything, but it was clear to me now that it was either Theo and my children or loneliness. I fall into his embrace, and I decide that it’s best for Gabriel and I if I stayed here.

“Um... that’s great,” I shake myself into the present moment. “I... had Gabe in L.A. actually. My mom flew out to come and see him. She was the one who suggested the name. Theo mentioned that was the name of a historical figure in early Cordonian history.”

Liam smiles fondly. “And Eleanor?”

I blush, but continue. “I, um... looked into your mother’s death. When I was pregnant. It was after the incident with Regina. I imagined what it would have been like for us if your mother had never died.” I wait for him to comment, but he says nothing. “I assumed she wouldn’t have kicked me out of the country like Regina did. And, of course, I knew that your mother was important to you. Since I wasn’t going to name our kid ‘Constantine,’ I figured that naming my daughter Eleanor could... connect our family through the distance.”

Liam’s smile widens. “That is a great honor for my mother.” The look on his face falters when he looks back to me and asks, “Theodore was content with it?”

“I told him I just found the name pretty. I didn’t think he knew that it was your mother’s name, but... there’s a chance did know.”

Liam takes a few more bites of his food. “Seems as if he knew quite a lot about Cordonia. It would be a surprise if that was something that he skipped over during his research.”

I scoff. “There’s a high chance he was lying about it, but honestly I did my best to avoid arguing with him.” I sigh, and stare down at my plate. “Even though I was fine with taking up the responsibility of Gabriel all by myself, I was pretty shocked when Theo helped out.” I look up, analyzing Liam’s expression. “Liam, I’ll never stop being sorry for separating you from your son for so long, but I think it’s important to acknowledge that at least he had a normal childhood.”

To my shock, he smiles at me. “Yes, I’m glad of that as well. I knew that if I ever had children, I would never want them to deal with as much pressure and stress that I had when I was younger. But there is another thing I wanted to discuss with you.”

“What is it?” I take a long sip of the wine.

“The issue of legitimacy.”

I put down the glass and sigh, my anxiety increasing. “Do you think that might be a big problem?”

His eyebrows furrow and he slowly nods. “Duke Bertrand mentioned it to me. There’s a chance that people would object of him being anointed as the heir.”

“They’d say I was a crown chaser and all that stuff, right?”

An anger flashes behind his eyes, but he calmly says, “Yes.”

I feel hopeless when I say, “We can’t release the DNA test, or his birth certificate or whatever?”

Liam sighs heavily. “No. People would claim they are fake.”

I didn’t want Gabe to go through the disapproval that I suffered during the Engagement Tour. I try to grab at reasons or ways to make Cordonians believe that Gabe really was Liam’s son. “Well what about Bartie and Bertrand? Did people question if Bertrand was really his father?”

Liam rubs his chin. “I’m sure some did, but I heard nothing of it. And Bertrand and Savannah were married after she returned to Cordonia. If any person did have questions about legitimacy, it would have dissolved after their marriage.”

“So you’re saying the only way to make people understand that Gabe is your son... is if you and I married?”

“Well, no, that wouldn’t eliminate the people’s disapproval entirely, but it would help them towards believing the truth.” He looks up at me, his eyes holding a hopeful question, and I understand why he started this conversation.

“Liam... you can’t be serious.”

Suddenly, his stoic exterior is gone, but his voice is level when he speaks. “Riley, the distance between us did nothing to lessen my love for you—”

“Liam,” I say forcefully.

He takes a deep breath and continues. “I know there is a lot we still have to talk through—”

“Liam, no, I... how do you expect me to accept a proposal only a few weeks after my husband died?”

He blinks, and his face slightly reddens with embarrassment. “My apologies, Riley, I didn’t consider that.”

Stifling silence spreads around the room. Neither of us touch our food or even look at each other.

“I hope,” Liam tries to speak. I can tell it’s difficult for him; he thinks about every word before it comes out of his mouth. “I hope the commitment that you had to your husband does not stop us from... continuing our relationship.”

I say, “Of course,” before his words make sense. What did he mean “commitment”? Was I committed to Theo?

I try to remember something that could prove him wrong, that would show that we were never committed to one another like a married couple was, but I can’t think of anything, and Liam speaks up again.

“But, Riley, I must press the matter of time. The anointing is at the end of the Social Season. That’s long enough for people to speculate and spread rumors. The last thing I want is for you or our son to feel any kind of worry.”

“Liam, please, I can’t think about that right now. I’m already stressed about what’s going to happen, I don’t think I can deal with a royal engagement on top of that. And our relationship is already strained. Getting married may not be the best idea. And if that backfires, it won’t only hurt us, but it’ll hurt Gabe and Ella, too.”

He stares at me, taking a deep breath. In a low voice he pleads, “Then give me until the end of the Social Season.”

“What?”

“Give me until the end of the season to prove to you that getting married wouldn’t backfire.”

I let out a laugh. “You’re joking.”

Liam shakes his head, and reaches for my hand. “I am utterly serious, Riley.”

I narrow my eyes at him, tears of frustration brimming at my eyes. My voice is soft when I say, “Why are you doing this, Liam? You’re supposed to be mad at me for keeping your son away from you for a decade. You missed ten years of his life because of me and you aren’t angry in the slightest.”

“I will admit,” he begins. “I was quite upset... but I did not know the full extent of what you went through.” He scans my face for a moment. It’s all I can do to not burst into tears. “Riley, not once has my love for you faded. Not even for a moment. I knew during the Social Season that you were the only woman for me, and I have known that through the entirety of our separation. Let me prove that we are the only ones for each other, and if by Gabriel’s anointing I am proven wrong... then we can... co-parent, and that shall be the extent of our relationship.”

Thinking about Liam trying to win my hand was silly, and honestly, I didn’t want it. But after everything, I didn’t think that being co-parents could be the only thing between us.

“Alright,” I relent, and he gives me a thankful smile.

We finish the rest of the meal, and he talks to me about the time he’s spent with Gabriel and Eleanor, and his joy about the topic is represented on his face. I truly hope this won’t be too difficult. I wanted everything to go back to normal, to the way it should have been. Even though that reality was officially unattainable, I try to convince myself that letting Liam attempt to bring us back together wasn’t a bad thing.

[dc41896]

Lost and Found

So I honestly couldn’t tell you why I’ve been in a writing mood for dad!Chris lol, but hope you guys like it!

Pairing: Chris EvansxBlack Reader

⚠️: Slight angst, fluff other than that!

“Mommy mommy watch me slide!!”

“Yea I see you buddy! Be careful though ok?,” you call to your five year old from your seat on the back deck. After begging you for the past week to play outside, the day was finally warm enough where he could run around and do whatever he wanted. Although he had plenty of toys scattered throughout the house, there was still only so long that you could keep a small child inside.

“Mommy! Come play heroes!,” Asher yells from the mini ladder at the end of his play set.

“Ok which hero am I?,” you ask walking towards him.

“Umm you can be Mora and I’m Cap.”

“And what’s our mission Cap?”

“We gotta save people from um...mean robots! Let’s get in the ship mommy,” he says just as your phone flashes an incoming FaceTime from Chris.

“Hold on, looks like daddy wants to talk to us before we go,” you smile. “Hey love!”

“Hey me and Dodge are just leaving the vet, do I need to bring anything home?”

“No I think we’re good.”

“Hi daddy! I’m Cap and mommy is Mora!,” Asher smiles appearing over your shoulder.

“You guys are playing heroes without me? Man I’m missing out on all the fun.”

“We can play when you get back! And you can be Thor!”

“Ok sounds good, we’ll see you guys in a few.”

“Later daddy, love you!,” Asher waves before going back to the slide/hero ship.

“Love you too! Alright babe I’ll see you later.”

“Ok drive safe, you don’t need anymore tickets,” you reply making him throw his head back laughing.

“I haven’t gotten a ticket since we were dating thank you.”

“And let’s keep it that way lead foot,” you wink making him laugh more.

“Anything for you love,” he smiles, Dodger now making his way to the front seat nudging at Chris’ hand to ask for pets. “I’ll see you soon ok? Love you.”

“Alright, love you too,” you smile as you end the call to return to the game with your son.

Halfway through your mission, your phone rings again, this time from your mother making you internally groan.

You didn’t have a problem with her to where your relationship wasn’t good, but her overbearance at times made you want to avoid speaking with her. Especially when it had anything to do with parenting Asher.

“Hey mom.”

“Hi sweetie? How’s everything?,” she asks, dishes clanking together in the background as she puts them away.

“It’s good! Asher and I are playing outside-,”

“Isn’t it cold up there? Make sure he has on enough layers so he doesn’t catch a cold.”

“Today it’s pretty warm so he’s ok. He’s been wanting to play outside so I figured today was good,” you answer with a sigh sitting at the bottom of the slide.

“Ok, still be careful. Oh and make sure to keep your eye on him, if he’s anything like your uncle he’ll be trying to flip off something before you know it,” she softly laughs. “Which reminds me is Chris still gone for work?”

“No he’s home, he’s out right now with Dodger but he’ll be back soon.”

“Oh good! You’ll have help around the house with looking after Asher.”

“Mom I can handle him on my own, this isn’t the first time he’s left you know,” you answer, forehead resting in your hand as you feel yourself becoming annoyed.

“I know you can, but having Chris there things will be easier is all I’m saying.”

Hearing the familiar hum of Chris’ car pulling in the driveway you feel a sense of relief that you didn’t have to continue on with this topic.

“Hey Chris just pulled up and I need to get Asher cleaned up for dinner so I’ll call you back later ok?”

“Alright, give my grandbaby a kiss for me and tell Chris I said hi.”

“I will. Love you.”

“Love you too,” she responds before you both hang up. “Asher, daddy’s home.”

Not hearing an immediate response, you look around to find your son nowhere in sight.

“Asher?!,” you call out as you make your way to the house.

“Maybe he already went inside?,” you thought as you entered through the sliding glass doors into the bright kitchen.

“Hey, you guys still playing outside?,” Chris greets before leaving a peck on your lips.

“We were but I thought he came inside. You didn’t see him?”

“No, not down here...maybe he went upstairs?,” he suggests as he ascends the wooden stairscase with you close behind.

“Asher?! You up here?”

Still not hearing anything, you feel your breathing quicken as your heart sinks deeper in your chest. “Asher?! Come on love no more hiding ok?”

“And you’re sure he wasn’t still outside?,” Chris asks peeking in the various rooms down the hall as he continues to call out for his son.

“Yea I didn’t see him and thought he might’ve came inside to meet you at the door.” Running downstairs, you frantically search through the living room, kitchen, and even back outside to make sure you hadn’t missed him, but still was met with silence.

“You still didn’t see him?,” Chris asks meeting you in the living room, hands slightly shaking as he places them on top of his head.

“No, you didn’t either?”

“No he’s not in any of the rooms.”

Pacing back and forth you rub your arms as tears now drip down to your faded Rolling Stones tee shirt. “Asher I’m serious you need to come out now no more playing!”

“Y/N wait I have an idea.”

“An idea?! Chris this isn’t an idea moment we need to call the cops!,” you snap through tears as you dial 911.

“And we will but let me check something first-”

“WE’VE CHECKED ALL OVER THE HOUSE HE’S NOT-!”

“WOULD YOU JUST TRUST ME THIS ONCE?!,” he retorts, startling you from his raised voice and even making Dodger stand at attention.

Following him outside, you round the corner of the house to see a green wooden door seemingly attached to the bottom of it. Kneeling down, he knocks three times before being met with three knocks back and Asher crawling out to hug his father.

“You found me!!”

“Yea buddy we did!,” he smiles quickly wiping away a stray tear before it could reach his cheek.

“Mommy no crying, it’s ok! Are you sad?,” he asks now reaching for you as you pick him up and hold him tight, never wanting to let go.

“I was, but I’m ok now. You can’t scare mommy like that though ok?”

“Yea mommy didn’t know about the secret lair, so when she didn’t see or hear you it made both of us sad.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he responds burying his face in your neck.

“It’s ok love, and now that we’re all together are you ready to get cleaned up and eat?”

“Yea! I want nuggets.”

“Ok, but you’re gonna eat veggies too right?”

“Yes,” he lightly whines as the three of you return back inside.

———

After making dinner, getting Asher ready for bed, and playing another short game of heroes, you and Chris were well tired from all of today’s events. Letting out a breath once inside your bedroom, he plops himself across the bed landing on your legs and making you giggle.

“Babe? You’re crushing my legs.”

“Can’t...move,” he responds as you slide your legs from under his muscular body.

“Guess you’re gonna sleep in your clothes then since you can’t move.”

“Nooo help me,” he whines holding his arms out for you to help him undress and making you laugh at his dramatics.

“Now where have I seen this before? Oh yea that’s how Asher got here.”

Pulling his shirt over his head as he chuckles, he wraps an arm around your waist keeping you close to him. “Speaking of, how are you?”

“I’m better now, just in the moment I could only think the worst, which made me feel as if my world was ending.”

Remembering all the emotions running through you at the time, your eyes become red from the impending tears filling your bottoms lids. Sitting up, he holds you tight with your head lying on his shoulder. “Hey everything’s ok now, please don’t cry baby.”

“I’m trying not to it’s just, I got really scared. But he’s ok now which is all that matters. How about you?”

“I’m the same as you. I’m better and glad he was just hiding,” he answers rubbing up and down your back.

“And how do you feel about me?,” you ask breaking the small moment of silence between you two.

“What do you mean?”

“You asked would I trust you for once and that makes me feel like you think I don’t trust you.”

Gently rubbing his thumb across your cheek, he wipes away a fallen tear that managed to break the surface. “I know you trust me, it’s just sometimes you try to do everything by yourself as if you’re a single parent. Or like I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be that way. I’m just trying to prove that I’m a good mom and know what I’m doing.”

“To me? Baby I know you’re a good mom and have known you’d be since before Asher was even thought of.”

“Not to you, but my mom,” you sigh. “I remember when I first told her I was pregnant and how she immediately went into how hard being a mom was gonna be at times and asking if I was ready to potentially have to deal with those times by myself since you wouldn’t always be there.”

“And you felt by her saying that, she was insinuating you weren’t ready or expecting you to fail,” he finishes, his thumb lightly grazing the back of your hand as he holds it.

“Yea, and then it doesn’t help that literally before Asher went missing, she called and was still saying how he should be careful with playing outside and I should make sure I watch him like I don’t already know to do that!,” you frustratedly explain as Chris quietly chuckles beside you.

“Babe are you laughing? This isn’t funny,” you whine, eventually laughing yourself just from hearing his.

“I’m sorry I promise it’s not because it’s funny, it’s just your mom called me while I was away and we were talking about you guys-,”

“Let me guess she gave you crap too?”

“No she actually was saying how she’s proud of us for raising such a great kid.”

“Are you serious? So basically she’s giving me all the crap then,” you respond slightly shaking your head in disbelief.

“I don’t know, maybe it’s just her being overprotective of Asher as his grandma. Either way if it’s bothering you I think you should say something; she could be doing that and not even realize it.”

Groaning, you wrap your arms around him as you lie on his shoulder. “Yea you’re right I should say something. Also speaking of, we definitely need to tell Asher not to tell her what happened today.”

“Alright noted,” he chuckles kissing the top of your head. “And don’t worry about what your mom or anyone else thinks of you ok? You’re a great mom and I know Asher would agree with me.”

Softly smiling, you look up at your husband kissing his lips before grazing your thumb over his bearded jaw. “Thank you love. You always know what to say to make me feel better.”

“Well the short answer is because I’m perfect,” he responds making both of you laugh.

Taglist: @crushed-pink-petals @fumbling-fanfics @honeychicana @lady-olive-oil @themyscxiras @melinda-january @lovelymari4 @fullofmelaninsarcasmandepression @nunubug99 @felicity-x0 @ellixthea @jnk-812 @jojolu @brwn-sgr @captainsamwlsn @itshinothey @wildfirecracker @nina-sj @iammyownlover @chaneajoyyy

If anybody wants to be added to the taglist, has asked to be added but don’t see your name, only want to be tagged for certain people I write for, or no longer wish to be tagged just let me know🤓!

[gabriel-agreste-has-no-rights]

Rating:  G

Summary:  Side-effects may include: eating fabric, staring into bright lights, and being allergic to mothballs.  (AKA, the one where Gabriel Agreste has moth tendencies, and Adrien is rightfully concerned.)

Word Count:  4203

Notes:  Mostly inspired by the fact that there's so many Chat Noir cat tendencies fics and even a few Ladybug hibernation fics but WHERE are my Hawkmoth tendencies fics?? Anyway be the change you want to see

For non-english readers in particular since I got a lot of questions when I talked about it on discord: mothballs are little balls of pesticide/deodorant that can be used to repel moths. Usually kept in clothes drawers and are pretty outdated now but anyway its a Real Thing and not me trying to make an innuendo i swear lol

XXX

“Uh… Father?”  Adrien peeked in through the cracked door.  He shouldn’t—Father valued his privacy more than anything, including his son’s attention—but he couldn’t help it.  The brief glance he’d caught was just too weird.

Gabriel snapped to attention, his glasses jostling slightly as he tore his eyes away from the blinding lamp in the center of his desk.

“Adrien.”  His candycane-striped tie dropped out of his mouth.  The end of it was completely chewn off.  Was—did he just swallow that?  People couldn’t digest silk, could they?   “You’re supposed to be practicing your Chinese.”

“I-I know, I just came down to ask Nathalie—nevermind.”  It wasn’t like she or Father were likely to adjust his schedule so he could get ice cream with his friends, especially not when Father was doing… whatever he was doing.  “Are you okay?”

“That is no concern of yours,” he snapped.  Which wasn’t a yes.  Was this some new kind of coping mechanism?  

Not for the first time, Adrien wished Father would agree to go to therapy.

“Um… okay.  I’ll just—go back to work.”

He dashed back up the stairs before Father could decide that his momentary break should be punished.  But still, he couldn’t get the image of the half-chewed tie or Father’s wide-eyed, trancelike stare out of his head.

XXX

“Have you noticed Father acting weird?”  He finally got up the nerve to ask Nathalie.  “I mean, weirder than usual?”

“I am sure he is just busy as always, Adrien.”

Which was just as much of a brush-off as “that is no concern of yours.”  Maybe he should’ve tried a less direct approach, but he couldn’t think of one.

“Has he… been working on a line of flavored fabrics?”  He tested one of his wilder theories.  It would explain why Father’s tie was patterned like a candy cane, at least.  Even Adrien knew that wasn’t in style.

Nathalie raised an eyebrow.  “What would give you that idea?”

Somehow he got the feeling that telling Nathalie what he’d seen wasn’t a good idea.  But who else could help Father if he was struggling?

“Um… well, he seemed like he was… eating his tie?  When I saw him yesterday.”

She sighed, and Adrien swore he heard something like “not again” muttered under her breath.  Maybe that was why he usually kept it tucked inside his vest?

“Your Father has developed some… odd habits lately.  But I can assure you it is nothing to worry about.”

Father had said the same thing before Mom disappeared.  Adrien didn’t stop worrying.

XXX

“I don’t see what the big deal is.  So your dad likes to chew on fabric, so what?  Not everyone can have excellent taste like me.”  Plagg swallowed another wedge of Camembert as if to prove it.

Adrien rolled his eyes and rolled over on the floor, soaking up the warmth of the sunset spilling in through his window.

“Maybe kwamis can eat all sorts of weird stuff, but humans can’t.  I just don’t know if this is some kind of coping mechanism, or something.  Maybe he’s been avoiding me because he’s acting weird and he doesn’t want anyone to find out.”

It would explain why Father only talked to him through his tablet, more often than not.  Maybe he was just embarrassed.  But he couldn’t go on like that forever, right?  Even if Mom’s disappearance hurt, they were better off leaning on each other than staying apart.

“Hate to break it to you, but your dad’s already weird, kid.  Eating ties is probably the best of his qualities.”

Adrien sighed.  It wasn’t like Plagg could understand; he just put whatever he wanted in his mouth.  Adrien himself could understand a little—ever since becoming Chat Noir, he sometimes had the urge to chew on cords, strings, even some plants.  It was a little embarrassing, but he could usually control himself.  Maybe if he shouldn’t though.  If Father saw him doing it, maybe he’d feel less weird about it himself?

...Or he’d punish Adrien for ruining perfectly good headphone cords.  Yeah, that was more likely.

Maybe it wasn’t a big deal, and he should just drop it, but he wanted to do something to help his Father.

“Get him something better to eat?”  Plagg suggested when Adrien voiced the thought out loud.  “A good aged swiss might do the trick.  Just don’t give him my Camembert; he doesn’t deserve it.”

“You’re useless,” he huffed.  Maybe the internet would have better advice.

“Eating fabric” just brought up a bunch of articles about sewing machine problems and disobedient pets.  Not exactly helpful.  But “How to stop my dad from eating fabric” didn’t seem like a useful search entry, either.

Plagg squirmed under his chin, looking up at the phone screen he held over his face.  “You think it’s got something to do with bugs?”  He asked, pointing to the one search result Adrien’s thumb had been half-covering.

“How to control bugs that eat clothes,” the article was titled.  Adrien snorted.

“Unless Father is secretly some kind of moth—”

His jaw snapped shut.  No, no, he was not going there again.  It had been bad enough when Ladybug suggested it before, and besides, it wasn’t like Father’s actions were any kind of proof.

Even if he had also been staring directly into a lamp, entranced…

“Adrien?  Kid, you don’t look so hot.  What’s going on?”

He didn’t want to say it.  It was stupid, anyway; Father had been akumatized before.  He shuddered just remembering it.

But he wasn’t just Adrien Agreste, son of Gabriel Agreste.  He was also Chat Noir, Hero of Paris.  And it would be irresponsible to drop a lead just because he was scared.

“Do you think… would Hawkmoth have animal tendencies from his miraculous too?”

Plagg’s eyes went wide—wider than they always were, anyway.  “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“Just tell me, Plagg.”  He didn’t want to admit what he was saying at all—this was his father, and even if he could be restrictive and controlling, he wasn’t evil.

He was being ridiculous.  Utterly ridiculous.

“Well… yeah.  All miraculous users do.  Nooroo’s holders have always been weirder though.  They tend to be shut-ins.  Couldn’t even bribe them out with my best brie.”

“So you haven’t been around a lot of past Hawkmoths?”  It was both relieving and disappointing, but it made sense.  If Plagg thought Father had the side-effects, he would’ve said something before now.  Not that Plagg saw much of Father, considering Adrien didn’t see much of him…

“Nope.  They sent out their champions to fight for them most of the time.  Not like us who’ve gotta do the real work.”

Adrien snorted.  “What work?”

“Hey, protecting you when you take a beating isn’t easy!”  Plagg flicked his nose, and he laughed.

“Fair, I guess.”  Adrien rolled over onto his stomach as his kwami zipped away.  Probably grabbing some Camembert, or a stinky sock to snuggle under.

But to his surprise, Plagg didn’t come back with either of those things.  Instead he was carrying something just as smelly—if not worse.  A small, round white ball.  He was pretty sure he’d seen ones like it in his sweater drawer.

Adrien sat up and covered his nose.  “Is that a—mothball?”

“You’re still worried about your dad, right?”

He blinked.  It was easy to forget that Plagg could be perceptive when he wanted to be.  “I don’t see what mothballs have to do with this.”

“Really.  You don’t see what mothballs have to do with telling if someone is Hawkmoth,” he deadpanned.

“You think I should see if Father is… you know… by seeing if he hates mothballs?  Do you really think that will work?  I thought Hawkmoth had the butterfly miraculous.”

“You’re the one who was worried about it.”  Plagg shrugged.  “And like I said, the butterfly miraculous is weird.  Think there might’ve been something wrong with it even before it was used by a supervillain.  Maybe Hawkmoth picked his name for a reason. Anyway, you won’t know unless you try it.”

As far as Plagg’s ideas went, it wasn’t too bad.  It didn’t involve cheese, at least.  And if Father wasn’t hiding anything, then he wouldn’t be bothered by it, right?

Adrien took the mothball from his kwami’s outstretched paws.

He was going to prove that his Father wasn’t Hawkmoth.  And then he’d figure out what to do about the whole eating fabric situation.

XXX

When Nino told him he should push back against Father’s boundaries, Adrien was pretty sure this wasn’t what he meant.  Anxiety prickled the hairs on the back of his neck as he paced in front of the bedroom door.

“Come on kid, don’t get cold feet now,” Plagg whispered.

“My feet aren’t cold.  I have socks on.”  Adrien frowned down at his red-and-black socks.  They kept his footsteps quiet and gave him a little boost of confidence.  Ladybug wouldn’t be afraid to peek in his father’s room.

“Let’s do it,” he said with newfound determination, and cracked open the door.

Hadn’t Father had a window in here at one point?  The sunset should be streaming in right about now, but instead Adrien had to fumble in the pitch black for the lightswitch.  When the room illuminated, he blinked in shock.

“Wow.”  Plagg whistled.  “Your dad is a few wedges short of a wheel for sure.”

That… that was one way to say it.  Fabric was scattered across the floor in careless heaps.  At one point Adrien would have blamed it on his designing, but if that were the case, the clothes wouldn’t look gnawed on.  

“This is worse than I thought, Plagg.”  Maybe it was a good thing his kwami had encouraged him to rebel after all.  Father seriously needed help. Humans shouldn’t even be able to digest silk and wool!  What if he got some kind of disease?  What if he already had some kind of disease? That second option was more likely, considering… well, all this.

“So, you gonna drop those mothballs or not?”

“Right.”  Adrien snapped out of his thoughts and began digging the white spheres out of his pockets. He’d have to bury them in the chewed up clothes so Father wouldn’t see them. But what if Father did notice? Was it really worth the risk just to ease his mind about Father being Hawkmoth?

...Yes, it was. Especially considering there was no proof Hawkmoth couldn’t akumatize himself. And Father had been the only lead Ladybug had ever had…

He shook his head. Just put the mothballs down, and he could prove his Father was innocent once and for all.

“Alright, let's get out of here. This place is creepy,” Plagg said when Adrien was done.

“I thought you would’ve liked the smell at least,” he tried to joke.  Better that than actually thinking about what he was doing.

“I’ll take your stinky socks over this any day.”

Adrien crept out of the bedroom, hoping that this whole endeavor ended up being pointless.

XXX

Father had a cold.

That was what Nathalie said, anyway.  Adrien had never actually seen Father sick before.  Nothing could keep him away from his work, or from… whatever he did when he was busy ignoring Adrien.

But he heard him wheezing behind his bedroom door, so he really had some kind of illness.

...Or he was allergic to the mothballs.  Plagg didn’t say it, but from the pinched look on his face every time Adrien passed by Father’s door, he was definitely thinking it.

“It has to be a coincidence,” Adrien told Plagg, who shrugged.

“Hey, don’t look at me.  You’re the one who had the idea that your dad is Hawkmoth in the first place.”

“Technically that was Ladybug,” he mumbled, flopping back on his bed.  “Maybe he just got sick from eating all that fabric.”

“Maybe.  But didn’t Nathalie say he’s been doing that for a while?”

Dang it, Plagg was right there.  It was just so surreal, thinking his father could actually be the supervillain he’d been fighting this whole time.

It was going to take more than therapy to fix this.

XXX

“You think he’s planning something?”  Ladybug asked when they lay back on their usual rooftop at the end of their patrol route.

Adrien’s stomach twisted.  There’d been no sign of an akuma for two weeks.  

Father had been sick for two weeks.

Coincidence. Right?

“Maybe,” he mumbled, his tail twitching fitfully.  Then he sat up and shook his head.  “Actually, LB…”

“Yeah?” She sat up too, her gaze completely focused on him.  While he normally loved to be the center of her attention, right now he wished he had nothing to say.

“Remember when you thought… well, when you thought Gabriel Agreste might be Hawkmoth?”

She startled. “Why are you bringing this up now?”

“Well, um… I got a tip from uh… Adrien.  You know, Adrien Agreste?”

“Of course I know him, he’s—I-I mean, everyone knows Adrien, right?”  For some reason, her face looked pink in the moonlight.

“Right, right. Anyway… he was telling me he was worried about his father, and it’s kind of a long story… but it seems like he might have some… moth tendencies.”

Ladybug blinked.  It felt like a long shot, now that he said it out loud.  Stupid.  He was probably just overreacting. 

“What kind of moth tendencies?”  She asked, her voice carefully guarded.

“Eating fabric. Staring at bright lights.  Being allergic to mothballs.”

“Mothballs?”  She laughed.  “Sorry, sorry, I believe you.  It’s just—wow. And here I thought my wanting to eat bugs was weird.”

“You? Weird? Never,” he joked to relieve some tension.  She believed him. She believed him, and that meant that he wasn’t just overreacting.  Which meant his father could be Hawkmoth.

He swallowed, trying to hide the hole that seemed to open in the pit of his stomach.

“So… you want to investigate him?  Even though he was akumatized?” Her mask furrowed around her brow, the way it tended to when she worked out her lucky charms.

“I don’t… I don’t know.”  He sighed and shook his head.  “It wouldn’t be easy.  Believe me, I’ve tried.”

“You—what?”

Oops.  Probably shouldn’t have mentioned that.  

“It’s no big deal.  I just wanted to confirm some things for myself before taking Adrien’s word for it.”

“Adrien would never lie,” Ladybug was quick to say.  

His lips quirked upward.  “I’m sure he’d be flattered to know you trust him.” 

Her accusation of Gabriel before couldn’t have been from any kind of animosity towards him, then.  Unless it was animosity on his behalf?  Did he know how much his father isolated him? No, she’d have no reason to look that closely behind his model smile.

“So… why did you think Hawkmoth was Mr. Agreste before?”  He asked hesitantly.  Before she’d said it was a secret, and he hadn’t pressed her, but it seemed an even more serious matter now.  “We gave up the lead pretty fast last time.”

“Maybe too fast.”  She grimaced.  “I’m sorry. I didn’t want it to be true anyway… and as for why I thought that… I found a book that I learned belonged to him.  If he isn’t Hawkmoth, then it was my fault he became akumatized into the Collector.”

“No, it isn’t.  It’s only ever Hawkmoth’s fault, you know that.”  Adrien squeezed her shoulder, even as inwardly his mind was racing.  Ladybug had found his father’s book when he’d lost it?  How?  She had been there when Lila had been talking about it; maybe she’d had to double back for some reason?  “Wait—you’re telling me that book he was so attached to had something to do with Hawkmoth?”

Adrien had been the one with the book at first.  The one she’d seen with it.  Why did she trust him so much?

“Yes.  Master Fu took pictures of it before I returned it so Adrien—anyway.”  She waved her hands, as if all that wasn’t important, even though it definitely was.  Father had never mentioned Ladybug returning his book! “Master Fu said the book was lost at the same time as the butterfly and peacock miraculouses.  It’s not hard to assume they’d end up in the same place.”

Adrien was glad he wasn’t standing, because he probably would have fallen.  “That’s… a pretty big lead.”

“It really is.  I should have been more responsible about investigating.  Less selfish.”

He had no idea what she meant by that, but the crushed look in her eyes prompted him not to ask.

“If this is true, Adrien’s going to be heartbroken,” she murmured, quietly enough he wasn’t sure he was meant to hear.

She was right about that.  But there was no reason for her to feel bad because of it.

“Hey, he’s the one who gave me the tip, remember?  Maybe it won’t be such a shock to him.”

Huh.  He got all those words out with barely a crack to his voice.  Maybe he was in shock.

“Maybe.  But he’ll still be crushed.  I don’t know if he has any other family, and his mom is gone.  As awful as his father is, I just don’t know…”  She trailed off, shaking her head.

“I don’t know either.”  

He hadn’t thought about it.  Any time his thoughts danced too close to the implications of his theory, they danced back just as quickly.  He had to be brave.  Ladybug was counting on him; Paris was counting on him.  It didn’t matter if one scared boy lost his father.

“So what… what do we do now?”  She asked, voice soft.  “We need proof, but I don’t know how to get it.”

Plans were normally her area of expertise.  If she didn’t know what to do…

“I don’t know.  Get a big lamp and hope it attracts him?”  He shouldn’t be joking right now, but it was the only thing distracting him from panicking.  

(Nino’s family might take him in.  Or there was always the Gorilla. He wasn’t alone, he wouldn’t be alone—)

“You know, that’s actually not a bad idea.”  

“Wait, it’s—it’s not?”  He blinked.

“No, it isn’t.  You’re a clever kitty when you want to be.”

He blushed under her praise and fought off a purr.  “Okay, so we draw him out with a big lamp.  If Hawkmoth really does have the same kind of side-effects as us, then it should work regardless of whether or not he’s transformed, right?”

“Right.  So the only question is how we get a lamp big enough to draw him out.”  Her gaze drifted across the rooftops, to the top of the Le Grande Paris hotel.  A smirk spread across her face.

“What are you thinking, Bugaboo?”

“I’m thinking I just answered that question.”

XXX

Gabriel jolted back into consciousness when his desk lamp winked out.  Impossible—the mansion had its own generator, mostly to keep the city from learning of his underground lair.  

The lair.  Where Emilie was.

“Nooroo!”  He snarled, spitting the end of his tie out as he did.  Cursed side-effects; he could hardly go a day without chewing on the silk.  At least he could hide the end of it under his vest, which he hadn’t taken off even while in bed.  Better not to have Nathalie nagging him about his “habits” again.

“Yes, Master?”  His kwami weakly flew out from under his pillow.  Whatever illness Gabriel had contracted, Nooroo seemed to mirror.  A disconcerting fact, considering how Duusuu and Emilie had felt before her… well.

But he couldn’t take off his miraculous.  Not until his work was finished.  Unfortunately, with the incessant itching and cough that had plagued him for two weeks, he hadn’t been able to sense much negative emotion beyond his own.  He wasn’t sure that he could stand without wheezing and collapsing from dizziness.

That dizziness was clouding his mind already.  What was he doing again?

“Emilie,” he rasped.  

“What about her, Master?”

“Go see if… no.  I need you with me. In case…”

He dissolved into a coughing fit.  Nooroo, the pathetic creature, only looked on in sympathy.

“Master, you aren’t well.  Perhaps if you removed my miraculous—”

“No!”  he snapped, making the kwami flinch.  “No.  Let’s… investigate the power outage.”

Fire flared across his skin as he threw his legs over the side of the bed.  Nooroo still hovered uselessly.  It was tempting to transform, but if his sudden illness was related to the miraculous, that would only exacerbate his condition.

One step in front of the other.  He would not be bested by this trifling inconvenience, not with Emilie on the line.  

He stumbled through the door, bracing himself against the knob with an iron grip.  The generator never felt so far away.

“Master, you really should…”

Be quiet!  He would’ve shouted, but his voice was little more than a rasp now.  Everything spun.  Oh, if only Nathalie hadn’t gone home for the night!  

Once he made it to the hallway, however, some of the fog cleared.  His lungs didn’t feel quite so tight.  But there was… something else.  A glow that hadn’t been visible from his room.  Through the window, like a beacon of warmth and light… Something that pushed against the darkness of his grief and rage…

His legs regained their strength the closer he grew to the light.  It involved actually going out through his front door, but that wasn’t so bad, was it?  It was near midnight, with barely a buzz of traffic, and… and the light.  How could he possibly sense any negative emotions when staring into its blinding fluorescence?  

Dully he realized he should be worried about that—he needed those negative emotions if he wanted to save his beloved Emilie—but it was difficult to think beyond navigating the narrow alleyways to follow the bright beacon.  How was it still out of reach?  He swore it had been just outside his window, a halo of light, with just a few shadows dancing within… shadows in the shape of… some kind of insect…?

Before he could discern the image now glowing against the brick wall, something wrapped around him from behind.

“Gotcha,” a girl’s voice hissed.  The string binding him dug into his arms.

“It’s really him,” a boy breathed.  

“Or he’s just crazy.  We haven’t ruled that out yet.”

“Unhand me at once!”  Gabriel shouted—tried to shout.  His voice still hadn’t fully recovered.    Nooroo was safely hidden in his jacket, and for a moment he considered transforming.  Why had he gone out without a bodyguard?  He’d made enough enemies even as a civilian; he should’ve known better, but that cursed light—the light that left spots in his eyes as a red-and-black arm reached down to unplug its source.

“Sorry, Mister Agreste.  Not until we check you for any mysterious jewelry.”

The girl spun him around, and he came face-to-face with his archnemesis herself.  It was difficult to keep the sneer off his face.

“Does the hero of Paris often accost civilians in the street?”

“Only when they show at least three signs of being Hawkbutt,” Chat Noir said from behind her.  He wore a sterile smile, one that clashed with the bitter green of his glinting scleras.  

Gabriel shuddered.  He was just a child.  Nothing to be afraid of, even with the power of destruction curled within his ink-black ring.

Even when he apparently knew Gabriel’s identity.

“I’ll be reporting this to the authorities,” he still threatened as he processed the scene.  Ladybug and Chat Noir, confronting him in an alleyway with no witnesses.  A now-dark spotlight he now recognized as Queen Bee’s signal.  A red-and-black cord that must have been the hero’s Lucky Charm

They’d planned this.  They knew.

Still, he clung to the hope that they wouldn’t find his miraculous. Not when it was hidden under— 

Ladybug tugged his half-eaten tie out from his vest.  “Wow, you weren’t kidding.  This is...”

She trailed off as her eyes caught the shine of purple beneath the red and white silk.  Beside her, Chat Noir froze.

“Nooroo, dark wings—!”

Chat Noir’s claw snagged the brooch before he could complete the phrase.  Nooroo zipped back into the miraculous, and Gabriel swore he heard the kwami sigh in relief.

This was… not ideal.

“It is you.”  Chat Noir’s hands shook—with rage?  Gabriel wouldn’t begrudge him that.  He instinctively moved to capitalize on that emotion before remembering he couldn’t akumatize anyone in his current state.

“Chat…?”  Ladybug reached out to him, and he turned to bury himself in her arms.  

Gabriel thought it might provide an opportunity to squirm free from Ladybug’s string, but her grip on her yo-yo was just as tight as her grip on her partner.  He grit his teeth.  Surely there was a way out of this!  He couldn’t lose to two teenagers over—over chasing a spotlight!

“It’s okay.  I’m here,” the girl was consoling him, though the useless hero had barely done anything besides some quick sleight of hand.

“Yeah.  Yeah, it’s going to be okay.”  He sniffled and smiled softly at her.  Then his gaze sharpened to steel when he looked back at Gabriel.

“Come on, Father.  I hope they have good therapy in jail.”

[jerepars]

Throwing Copper Extended Chapter Notes

3 / 5 Why We Ever

Hyperlinks appear in blue (underlined on mobile). The story is posted here. Direct link to this chapter is here.

James contemplated what an early morning of everyday things would consist of if they were different people, in a different life. He wondered if she would make fun of his bedhead and if her laughter would fill up the air in the room when he reached over and pulled her closer, threatening to not let go unless she stopped squirming, until the book they’d been reading toppled to the floor, forgotten. He wondered if they’d let their coffee run cold.

There’s a song called “Everyday Things” by David Usher, which doesn’t mention any of the things James is thinking about here, but I do like the idea of James (or Teresa for that matter) thinking of what everyday things would consist of for them. Also, I hadn’t heard the original version of this song in...years...because the one I always listen to is the acoustic version, featuring Cœur de pirate, whose back vocals are very complimentary. The original version of the song doesn’t even sound right to me and it sounded so off when I listened to it to get the url. Not that any of this matters at all.

A frown settled between Teresa’s eyebrows and she blinked away tears before they could form. She swallowed the lump of emotions blocking her throat. There was an irony to her actions. Doing something for James gave her new lungs, but explaining it to him made it hard to breathe.

The song “New Lungs” by Glacier Veins is what I was thinking of here, because of the line that goes And with new lungs I relearn how to breathe.

“You know why,” she answered simply, unwilling to elaborate what she was sure they both understood.

Making her feel better and being a shoulder to lean on might’ve been things James did out of a sense of obligation. But turning up in New Orleans to warn her about Devon, and then being the overwatch for the meeting Devon had shown up to – those things were about something else. It was the same for Teresa. When the opportunity presented itself, for her to make James’ Devon problem go away, the reason she didn’t hesitate wasn’t because she felt she owed him or had to repay him. She did it because it was James. The things they took on for each other, actions strong enough to shift tectonic plates, they did because they wanted to. The only boundaries of their loyalty and love for one another were speaking about them out loud.

I’ve found the cave metaphor from 1x06 to be something that I continually come back to while writing about James and Teresa. There’s a part of the conversation, which focuses on how far implication goes with them, when James says, “You know what I’m talking about” (1:35). So I wanted there to be a similar thing here, with Teresa saying “you know why” about why they’re willing to do so much for each other. It seems a big part of why they never say how they really feel is because it’s so easy for them to make vague statements with implications that they both understand. 

Teresa was right, and James did understand, because when he looked at her again, the warmth of his eyes was ebbing away at the anger held there. “Not sure I can exist without consequence,“ James told her softly.

When I started planning this chapter, I could hear James’ dialogue here so clearly in my mind. The line and the idea of James having grown so uneasy with a life where there’s no retribution against him is inspired by American Football’s “Uncomfortably Numb”. Mike Kinsella (the band’s vocalist) and Hayley Williams (who is featured on the track) do a little call and return with the line: But how will you exist (how will I exist?) without consequence? I’ll let you know.

This song is so hypnotic and I remember listening to it ad nauseum, except that I never got tired of it, when it first came out. I listened to it over and over and over again (again, lol) while writing this chapter, and I still love it. The mood of the song, in my opinion, really matches the mood of the chapter.

Despite the high stakes of their mission, or maybe because of it, the last three days had been better than, perhaps, the last three hundred. Like looking in his eyes and searching for clarity, working with James again was like muscle memory for Teresa.

This part is a call back to the first chapter, where it’s mentioned that for Teresa, looking at James and searching his eyes for their next move, for reassurance, for clarity is like muscle memory she can’t shake. Not that this is a super important detail, but I do like to put earlier ideas into later chapters for cohesion. This is probably why I can’t write something short to save my life, because I think too much about small details. It bugs me, in fic, when it’s obvious time has been spent on certain details but then the idea is never brought up ever again.

Working on an operation with him made Teresa curse the reasons why they’d ever said I’m gonna miss you and I’ll see you around a year ago, when they’d said goodbye. It brought back the feelings of longing, of wanting to coexist in the same space and move in the same direction, at the same time, together.

It was unintentional that the two songs that inspired this chapter most have Hayley Williams in them. But when I listen to them back to back, I can also see why that ended up happening. This chapter is named after the Hayley Williams song “Why We Ever” because of the line that goes And now I can’t seem to remember why we ever felt we had to say goodbye. 

I watched the goodbye scene in 3x13 to write these two sentences. There are a lot of scenes from QOTS that I’ve watched over and over again but that’s not one of them because, like, it hurts me. Also it’s super frustrating that that’s the note Jeresa ends on until the last ten seconds of 4x13. I'm thinking S5 Jeresa needs to happen by 5x03. And if not, we riot. Lol.

“For freaking out and needing you the other night. For doubting you and questioning you, when you’re always just trying to help me,” Teresa rambled, then paused to take a breath, because what she really wanted to apologize for cut at her the deepest. “I’m sorry for the things I’ve asked you to do. For the people you had to take out and people you had to bury. Even after I knew about what happened with Suzie, I still asked you to…”

The part of “Why We Ever” that really pulls at my heartstrings is the end, which goes: I just wanna talk about it. I know I freaked you out. I just wanna talk about it. Sorry for freaking out.

That’s simple, sure. But it’s raw. I wanted Teresa to get pretty raw in this scene, letting her honesty come tumbling out without eloquence.

Also, something that has irked me since 3x05 is the fact that James is so clearly not the same after what happened to Suzie, and when we learn what happened, we understand why he’s so affected by the stuff he has to do, even out of necessity. What happened to Suzie takes it to the extreme, creates a breaking point for James, but even going back to S1, James has never liked the part of his job that means he has to hurt and kill people. After finding out what happened in 3x05, 3x04 seemed especially cruel to James, when he’s left to bury the reporter - we just didn’t know how cruel it was at the time.

And I get it, he has to do his job. Occupational hazards, right? But he’s changed after 3x05, and he still has to kill for Teresa. He even has to dig the ditch to bury Guero. The experiences of cartel life that Teresa and James have are certainly different, and again this makes sense, because they are in different roles. But S3 is not kind to James, not in the least, and I think that’s why it makes sense to me that he’d want out of the life if there’s nothing or no one to stay for.

I don’t know that Teresa will ever be this apologetic in canon, since she’s the queen so she’s free to give out orders without explanation or sympathy. I wish it would happen though, and I think there’s potential for prime Jeresa content if she does. I wrote it myself since the likelihood of it happening is probably slim to none.

Teresa trailed off without finishing her train of thought. She wasn’t meant to apologize, for she was the queen. She was supposed to stay icy and distant; sensitivity deprived. But she couldn’t help it with James. She couldn’t help the light leaking back in. It was different, because he was different.

The opening lyrics of “Uncomfortably Numb” are sensitivity deprived. That phrase begins the first two verses. As already mentioned, to me the song encapsulates the mood of this chapter so well.

He looked scared, confused about what she’d said. James had grown used to Teresa’s mixed signals; they’d been dancing around each other and their feelings for so long. But Teresa being direct was new. Her dark side scared him, and he didn’t know to which part of her directness belonged to, light or dark.

This is, again, a call back to the first chapter, where it’s mentioned there’s a part of Teresa (the Teresa that she’s become) that scares James a bit. Just trying to tie it back in and keep the chapters cohesive, connected, over the course of the story.

Her heart was already on the floor, but had she been entirely forthcoming? She’d reinforced that he had a choice, and he was free. But had she even given James a reason to want to stay? Had she ever? Did he even know her desire for him to stay had many layers to it?

Heart is on the floor, why don’t you step on it? is the first line in the chorus of “Rocks Tonic Juice Magic” by Saves the Day. I didn’t really realize I was making this reference until I was actually typing it out. And it being the last song reference in the chapter, when I went to get the URL, I ended up with so much sorrow because I have so many fond memories of being at shows surrounded by people with the same feelings for this song and this music as me, and singing these words back with such urgency. I miss shows so much. I think finally being able to go back to shows, in a post-pandemic world, whenever that is, is going to be so emotional and I’m probably going to cry.

Okay, so that was a tangent.

Anyway, I don’t think Teresa has ever let herself be so vulnerable, to just come out and tell James how she feels or what she wants. It doesn’t mean she and James don’t already know. But there is something to be said about, well, saying those things. It takes brevity, but if she can’t be honest where it counts, then they don’t have a chance. That’s why I wanted Teresa to have this moment, with her heart on the floor, thinking...does she need to take it even a step further?

And by the end of it, she does.

[iamartemisday]

90 and 32 for Loki and your choice?

Is there really a choice? lol

Pregnancy Fic + Unexpected Virgin

...hoo boy.

Okay, so Loki decides one day to go to Midgard. No real reason why. He’s just bored.

While there, he meets some mildly interesting people, including a young woman about to graduate college named Jane Foster. She’s just escaped an incredibly painful blind date and Loki further helps her avoid the hapless human by pretending to kiss her in an alleyway. Her hot breath on his face actually makes him think of kissing her for real, but that’s a ridiculous notion. What kind of prince would he be cavorting with mortals? 

Regardless, as they talk about life and Jane’s plans for grad school, he finds himself intrigued by her. She’s highly intelligent for her species and while her grip on the Bifrost could not be more basic, if anyone was going to figure it out, he’d say it was her. 

Over the next month or so, Loki starts visiting Midgard and Jane more and more. As far as she knows, he’s another student like her home for summer break. As they grow closer, Loki thinks more and more about what it would be like to kiss her. Finally, the day comes and by Odin, can she ever kiss. 

Of course, there’s no way something like this can last. Even putting aside Loki’s greater longevity, there are so many people out there he’s pissed off. If they know a vulnerable mortal woman has caught his eye, no way they won’t take advantage.

That’s how Jane ends up a hostage of one of Loki’s many enemies. He is able to save her and kill the perpetrator, but he realizes now that their relationship can only end in pain. He knows now just how deeply in love with her he’s fallen. He loves her so much that he can find it in himself to erase every trace of him from her memory. Everything from their first meeting to the day they first kissed. He gives her one more kiss before he leaves her, pouring all his love and magic into it. Along with a wish that one day, somehow, their paths would cross again.

And so, Loki leaves her. Jane wakes up the next morning in her apartment with no recollection of her harrowing adventure or the prince she once loved. It’s as if nothing ever happened. 

Except as the days go by, Jane starts to have some odd symptoms. She’s weirdly sick in the morning and feels faint during the day. She’s moodier than usual, only wants to eat food she hates and gets random headaches.

There is an obvious answer that is also completely impossible. Jane is not ashamed to admit she’s never had sex (like it even matters how long someone waits). In fact, she hasn’t dated since that one awful blind date a few months ago (every time she thinks about it she feels sad for no reason, and she still can’t figure out why). Days later, the symptoms persist. As a joke, she buys a home pregnancy test. Not like it’s going to mean anything.

The test comes back positive.

Jane buys three more. All positive.

She goes to the doctor, who confirms it. 

Pregnant. 

Now, this is a major problem because again, Jane has never had sex. She rarely drinks and hasn’t been to a bar recently. A few guys in her department like her, but there was no way they’d ever do something like that to her. Right? 

The time frame of conception is determined. Jane recalls a day during that time when she did go to the bar, and now that she thinks about it, her memory of that week is a bit spotty...

At that point, Jane, being the determined woman she is, decides she can’t worry about what might’ve happened right now. She needs to think about what is happening. The obvious answer is abortion. That or adoption. How can she, a grad student going into astrophysics of all things, take care of a child? It’s not that she doesn’t want kids, it’s the idea never even crossed her mind because she’s just that focused on her goal. 

Now, motherhood is an actual reality. It’s still early enough for her to make an appointment at the clinic. She’s online researching, still unsure if she’s actually going to call, when she feels something. At first, she thinks she’s imagining it. She feels her stomach and there it is again. The tiniest movement. Maybe not even a movement at all. Maybe just a heartbeat...

At that moment, something fundamental within Jane changes. She closes her current web search and opens a new one on pregnancy guides and nearby baby stores.

A few months later, Jane’s daughter is born. While it’s definitely a bit on the nose given the circumstances, Jane can’t resist writing Christina on the birth certificate. 

It’s not as hard as she thought it would be. Erik and her mother are both huge helps. They immediately fall in love with the baby and watch her while Jane is at school and studying. By the time she gets her degree, Christina is five and has spent the last few years providing constant encouragement for her mother. She walks at Jane’s side during her graduation. She gets a little stuffed bear with a cap and gown while Jane gets her doctorate. 

The next few years are a bit hectic. Jane tries to give Christina as much stability as possible. They live in one place for a few years while Jane teaches at the university and builds up goodwill with the staff in order to get the grant money she needs to fund her research. Her efforts finally pay off when Christina is about to turn nine. Jane sets up her lab in New Mexico and they move there for the summer. They might stay longer depending on what Jane finds, but she doesn’t tell Christina that just yet. She’s already complaining about how boring Puente Antiguo is.

To entertain herself, Christina reads and writes about all sorts of fun adventures she could be having. She’s never showed her mom this, or anyone for that matter, but she has a few strange little talents no one else seems to have. For example, she can sometimes move things around without touching them. One time, she swears she turned a mean kid’s hair blue when he was bullying her and her friends. Snakes seem to really like her. She can’t talk to them like Harry Potter, but they do follow her sometimes. There are tons of snakes in New Mexico, but she’s not too bothered by it. They all seem pretty nice.

Soon Darcy arrives and she more or less bonds with her new boss’s kid. When some guy in town starts hassling Darcy, Christina asks one of her snake friends to make him go away and the guy never comes back. Another guy makes fun of Jane on the street, calling her a crackpot. He rather suddenly trips over nothing and knocks a few of his teeth out. 

Jane does notice a lot of this stuff, but not once does she think to connect it to her innocent daughter. Meanwhile, Christina is well aware that she’s the one doing this. Somehow or other, she does have powers no one else has, and she’s starting to realize just how strong those powers might be.

It all comes to a head with the arrival of Thor. Jane went out with Darcy and Erik to watch for an incoming storm. Christina had to stay home, as this could be dangerous. So, of course, she snuck along in the back hidden under a blanket. She’s right there when Thor falls from the sky. Terrified that they’re all about to die, Christina unleashes a HUGE wave of magic. Big enough to disrupt the bifrost and send Thor flying into a nearby rock formation. He hits his head hard, and as he is now human. this is not an insignificant injury.

In fact, when they get to the hospital, the poor stranger has already slipped into a coma. Jane is left to comfort her hysterical daughter who won’t stop blaming herself for what happened, She finally admits the truth about her powers to Jane and demonstrates by summoning a pen from the nurse’s station. Jane is shocked and has no idea what to do. Christina interprets this as her mother being scared of her and runs away. Jane chases after her. By the time she turns the corner, Christina is gone. Jane searches the entire hospital, but her little girl is nowhere to be found.

Now comes Loki. He’s been pretty out of it ever since losing Jane. Though it’s been close to a decade on Earth, that barely feels like a week to him. Now Thor has been banished, he has some truly uncomfortable questions to ask Odin about his origins, and to top it all off, one of his old enemies has just randomly appeared with a little girl in tow.

(NOTE: I honestly have no idea who the enemy would be. If I actually wrote this I’d just figure it out later)

His enemy mocks him for growing soft and not protecting his progeny like he should have. Loki has no idea what the hell this guy is talking about until he gets a better look at the girl. Her midnight black hair, terrified blue eyes, that face just like a younger Jane.

Jane...

He hadn’t looked in on her since he left. He just couldn’t bring himself to. Now he wishes to all his ancestors that he had. The enemy issues a challenge, daring him to come and save his newfound daughter. He disappears with Christina, and try as he might, Loki can’t trace where they’ve gone. He has a few ideas, but he’s going to need some help.

And he’s going to need to correct some old mistakes as well.

At the hospital, the police have arrived and are searching for the missing girl. Jane curls up in the waiting room, thinking of everything that led them to this point. If only she hadn’t accepted the grant money. If only she’d gone somewhere else to search for bridges. If only she’d paid enough attention to her own fucking child to know that she was literally psychic. Or magic. Or something!

While she cries, a shadow appears over her. When Jane looks up, a tall man with dark hair and eyes like Christina is watching her.

It all comes flooding back.

She remembers Loki. She remembers their kiss, that monster thing that kidnapped her. Loki saved her, and then he told her they’d never see each other again. Then she woke up at home as if from a dream and it was like he never existed at all.

But he had. She knew now that she had, and she had a daughter to prove it.

Which still begs the question of how. She knows now that they definitely didn’t have sex. Loki’s theory is that his magic somehow infused with latent abilities within Jane herself (she might actually have a small percentage of Asgardian in her) and created a child born of them both. It’s a tenuous idea at best, but it’s all he has right now, and who even cares how Christina was conceived. Point is, she exists and she’s been kidnapped and Thor is in a freaking coma now and can’t help them. Time to gear up and save their kid!

Not going to go into too much detail here as I’ve already written way too much. Basically, Loki teaches Jane to harness the magic within. She already knows a few knife tricks from self-defense classes, so Loki gives her a new knife that never dulls and is virtually indestructible. When she’s ready, they strike out to find their daughter in the enemy’s secret hideout. At some point, Thor wakes up and rushes to help his brother. His willingness to go to a far off planet and fight to the death for a child he’s never met makes him worth of Mjolnir again at just the right time. Loki and Jane rescue their little girl, who instinctively knows her father the moment she sees him. The enemy is defeated and now they’re free to start over and live as the family they were always meant to be. 

[freeshavacado]

My thoughts while reading Gone by Michael Grant:

* wait how old is Sam

* He do be liking Astrid doe

* Damn so Sam is a Leader

* Ew Orc is an 8th grader? 🤮

* Ok I googled it Sam is 14

* I like Quinn

* Sam thinks he’s so awkward but he’s actually really chill so far

* THE PAIN THIS GIRL IS GOING THROUGH OH MY GOD

* Poor Mary :(

* Howard’s a bitch

* Cut to Quinn being a racist motherfucker

* I love Edilio

* Sam is WHIPPED for Astrid

* Orc is such a piece of shiiiiiit

* LANAAAAA :(((

* Poor thing is in so much pain

* Patrick her dog is alive so that’s good

* She’s deadass slowly dying

* Thank god her arm is better

* I want to make this into a TV series

* If Sam and Astrid don’t kiss at some point I swear

* Hahahaha Sam do be shirtless rn

* Why isn’t Astrid happy to see Little Pete???

* MARY. IF YOU POUR HOT ASS COFFEE ON A CHILD, DONT JUST STAND THERE AND THEN RUN AWAY. PUT COLD WATER ON THE BURN

* Aw Mary has had bulimia since she was ten :(

* Ok so what she just took her Prozac and then threw up? Wouldn’t the pill go up too? I think your stomach/body needs like 30 minutes to absorb it into the blood stream...

* HELP SAM HES CHOKING

* Bruh my ass would be so exhausted

* Quinn low key an ass tho

* Lol edilio isn’t standing for this bullshit

* Lmaooo Astrid knew 💀

* Omg little Pete has it too

* Wow Quinn is an asshole pt 2

* I feel like Caine is gonna be a villain...like he’s pretty AND nice? Nah bro too good to be true

* Fucking Orc god 😒😒😒

* Caine is up to some shit 🤨

* Lmao hold up

* Diana probably whipped tho

* Sam please only be a simp for Astrid 😩

* I bet Drake is hot

* Aww computer Jack :) DONT YOU TURN ON ME SON

* “The captain is already maintaining” Bullshit 💀

* Are they really gonna call this eighth grader ‘Captain’?

* LMAOOO THE BASTARD CANT EVEN READ OR WRITE 💀💀💀

* Lol making Sam the fire chief because he was brave enough to go into a fire one time, so therefore he is the most qualified

* Bruh that’s like if I gave a kid the Heimlich maneuver bc he was choking on a gummy worm or some shit and they were like “Well because she did that, she should be the head doctor!!!”

* CAINE IS FULL OF SUCH BULLSHIT OML

* PRETENDING TO CRY N SHIT GOD

* I already know that Diana is gonna try and seduce Sam while she’s actually a spy for the private school kids

* Which, btw, of course it’s the private school kids smh

* I feel like maybe Computer Jack will be someone who eventually switches to the Good Side

* ALSO wow jack really be thinking that he’s smarter than Astrid smh 🙄

* Jack is such a smartsass

* Diana is such a fucking bitch oh my god 😒😒😒

* “You don’t look tough, Astrid” STFU SHES THE TOUGHEST OF THEM ALL

* Ok but I bet Diana and Astrid low key have sexual tension. Like obviously nothing’s gonna happen...but still

* Bruh I hate Caine

* Fuckin Diana with her ‘readings’ bullshit smh

* YESSSS LANA 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 so strong

* Literally how do they not know how to make pasta

* “I thought your people ate tortillas,” QUINN YOU RACIST PEICE OF SHIT UGH

* Poor Bette :(

* Orc is a piece of shit, I know we’ve already established this but I wanted to say it again

* I love Edilio so much

* Orc really using a slur against Edilio huh. Imma kill him

* IM SO DONE WITH QUINN. THIS BITCH REALLY JUST SAID “let him have her” LIKE TF????

* Drake is such a bastard oh my god

* If you hate Quinn and you know it clap your hands 👏🏻👏🏻

* No seriously. I fucking hate him.

* Nooooo Bette died :((

* “I can’t kiss you with your little brother watching” AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

* Did they kiss or not wtf

* What the hell is up with this cat

* Ah so they did kiss!!

* Why didn’t I get details 🤨

* No a baby died 😞

* Quinn s u c k s

* How convenient that Sam got there *right* before Emma disappeared

* Those last 6 minutes before Anna disappeared too and was calling out to her sister, and so for what she thought was her last few minutes on earth she held sams hand :(

* Lol Diana sucks

* ‘WoRDs DONT sCArE mE’ shut up Drake

* Okay Computer Jack is definitely going to betray them because they underestimate him and take him for granted

* You’re telling me Caine and Sam could be TWINS???

* Why was the kiss ‘a mistake’ ?

* Okay NOW they’re awkward

* “But it was the first time I meant it” I CANT. ITS SO CHEESY

* I HATE QUINN

* These kids are crazy violent

* Fuck Diana

* Yikes now Sam only has some of his eyebrows left 😬

* Caine is in love with Diana 👀

* Little Pete might be more powerful than Caine 😛

* THESE KIDS ARE CRAZY LIKE CHILL

* Diana: I really dislike you Astrid: of course you dislike me, I make you feel inferior

* ROASTED ^

* Mmmm Quinn is trying to redeem himself

* “Don’t call me brah. I’m not your brother” OHHHHHHHHHHH HE REALLY WENT THERE

* that’s what you get for being a backstabbing asshole

* Poor Astrid :(

* Poor Little Pete :(

* Bro I need this to be a movie

* I love that Sam just punched Quinn like we had no choice but to stan

* Ok drake would definitely shoot up a school

* Fuck Drake

* Lana is so strong. Like she’s been in so much pain physically and mentally, and she almost died. But she saved herself and now even though she thinks she might be the only person left alive on earth, she is still keeping strong.

* What happens if the boat runs out of gas?

* Bruh these coyotes don’t give up

* THE COYOTES AGAIN??

* “Go out” “You’ll kill me,” “Yes. Go out, die fast. Stay, die slow”

* Wowwwwwwwwwww^

* Lmaooo “L.P.”

* Awwww Sam: “...she was still so beautiful that sometimes he had to look away.”

* Okay he a lil’ horny

* Awe Astrid and Sam hugging I’m soft 🥺

* I’m so sick of these damn coyotes

* Bruh these coyotes 😒

* Diana is annoying

* Literally can’t remember who Andrew is, but they’re about to film his passing away like wtf

* Poor Andrew :(

* “You’re a deep sleeper, Jack. Just now, while you were sleeping? I held your pudgy little hand. Probably as close as you’ll ever get to holding hands with a girl. Assuming you even like girls.” FUCK YOU DIANA

* Okay so Diana will protect Jack as long as he ‘belongs’ to her and does what ever she wants? That’s pretty sus

* Sam and Astrid kissed again 😖☺️

* Lmaooo Albert over here running McDonald’s

* Salads disappeared quickly from the McDonald’s menu since this whole thing? Who the hell orders a salad from McDonald’s?

* So Albert kinda whipped for Mary 👀

* I haaaaatttteeee the private school kids

* Y’know what depending on where I was and who I was with in this situation, I might’ve just killed myself

* “Remember who owns you” ew 🤨

* Diana. I hate you

* Bro I feel bad for Andrew

* How is Lana back at the cabin?

* That IS Lana right??

* Okay things are moving fast between Sam and Astrid. Like she’s already saying “I just want you here with me. Safe” like 🤢

* Lana, about Sam: your boyfriend? Astrid: ThAts nOt WhAt iTs AbouT

* LMAOO AFTER SHE SAID THAT SHE SAID IN A LOW VOICE “kind of” WHAT

* Lol Lana be out here like “yeah shits crazy. Get with the program”

* Ew they’re eating pudding with their hands 🤮

* I don’t care how hungry you are, that’s gross

* Like get a spoon or something

* Lana just called Astrid “smart girl Barbie” 🤨

* Part of me is like “lol” but the other part of me is like “bruh stop Astrid did nothing wrong”

* I still hate Quinn but he is kind of funny

* Lana calling Astrid “the blonde” like girl 😑

* Bruh you’re stuck in a house that is literally on fire and getting hotter by the second as it fills with smoke, now is not the time to be kissing Astrid

* Finally the damn coyotes are gone.

* Sam is so angry and he’s disgusted with himself for being so angry, I relate

* Fuck you, Quinn

* Fuck drake

* I would gladly kill Drake

* OOOOOOOOO EDILIO LIKES LANA AHHHHHH

* SIMP

* omg I love it 😩

* Lmaooooo Sams speech wow

* Sam you should NOT forgive Quinn. Especially not that fast. Yikes.

* Orc should feel bad for killing Bette. I have no pity for him rn

* Yes please kill drake.

* I am so happy that his arm is on fire. 100% he deserves to feel that pain

* Aww that’s kinda nice that Albert is planning thanksgiving dinner for everyone

* DAMMIT DRAKE

* I hate drake so much like dude just shut up and leave everyone alone

* Orc oh my god I could not be rolling my eyes harder right now

* Tbh if Orc and his other friends die, I’m okay with that

* What tf is up with this DVD

* Little Pete caused all of this??? 😦

* I’m sooooo sick of this whole darkness and coyote stuff istg

* Where is Patrick?????

* If Patrick is dead imma throw hands

* Diana is such an evil person. Like Drake is a monster, but she’s horrible in a different way.

* Also ughhhhhhhhhh Drake is back 😒😒😒😒😒 so sick of that mf

* “So. When do we go take down Sam Temple?” 🙄🙄🙄 no one likes you Drake

* AHAHAHHSJAHSHSHHSHD

* SAM JUST TOLD ASTRID HE LOVED HER

* AND SHE SAID IT BACK

* IM. S O F T

* (like my brain is still saying “y’all have talked for less than two weeks and you’re 14”)

* But like whatever 😭❤️

* My eyes just rolled into the back of my skull once Diana appeared

* Taylor low key flirting with Sam tho 👀

* When I first met Dekka, I was all: ‘what the hecka?’

* THOSE DAMN COYOTES

* I’m crying because Quinn couldn’t kill Drake because he was scared, and now children are screaming. Ugh I really wanted him to kill Drake but I understand that killing someone is a crazy thing to have on your conscience

* Call me cold hearted, but I would’ve shot him

* This is all in theory of course ^ I bet if I was in that situation though it wouldn’t be as easy as “just shoot him”

* I don’t think I’ve ever been more annoyed with a fictional character than I am with Drake rn

* Yooo I bet Isabella has some animal powers or sumn

* Caine 🙄🙄🙄 like that emoji doesn’t even come close to describing how annoyed I am

* Wait so is Patrick back now or...?

* Caine really just. Kissed Diana. Because she “owed him”????

* THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT

* I literally hate sooooooooo many characters in this book ugh 😒😒😒

* Quinn is watching Drake kill Sam and is doing nothing. I’m so done with this piece of shit

* Ok finally he tried to shoot him

* “You know it always gets me hot when you say ‘apt analogy.’” “Why do you think I do it?”

* Y’all 🥴🥴🥴

* THOSE DAMN COYOTES

* Literally? Imagine being this heartless. Giving up hundreds of kids to coyotes without hesitation. The hate I have for Caine is real

* Once again, Orc feeling bad for what he did to Bette. And honestly? I’m still okay with that

* This kid is an a l c o h o l i c

* Computer Jack is so annoying like dude stop holding on to Sams leg. Literally

* Still hate Diana, but I like that she’s helping out Sam a little bit

* Ew Diana just kissed Sam on the corner of his mouth 🤢

* I TOLD YALL ^^^

* Yay Patrick is alive :)

* “I guess we won,” Sam said. “Yeah,” Edilio agreed. “I’ll get the backhoe. Got a lot of holes to dig.”

* ^im. Depressed

* I cannot for the life of me remember who Cookie is

* “Orc sat with Howard in a corner by themselves. Orc had fought Drake to a standstill. But no one-least of all Orc-had forgotten Bette.”

* ^good.

* Y’all Sam and Astrid flirting I- 🥴🥴

* We love to see it ^

* Awww “we’re going to the beach” y’all Astrid and Sam are so cute

* THOSE DAMN COYOTES

* FUCK. Goddamn this cliffhanger 😡

[toxicxxmyth]

Dating Richard Camacho headcanon

Authors Note: This all over the place lmao so bear with me. I also got a little carried away oops.

Y’all prolly met at the club or a house party tbh(like almost every other Richard fic :’)

And you were there looking bomb as ever ;)

And he was there looking fine as ever ;)

And you were just in a corner talking to a few friends when he sat beside you

At first it wasn’t a big deal bc it’s a couch..hello

But when y’all got a good look at each other’s faces under the smoke and blue laser lights

Y’all were like

:0

So that’s how you met, lol

It might’ve taken a long time for you guys to actually start dating

With him being so private and secure when it comes to relationships

And you having bad experience with relationships

You guys took it slow, yet you both considered each other as your s/o even if you guys haven’t even shared a kiss

And after, let’s say, four months, y’all started dating

Anyway

Starting now with and actual headcanon

My boy’s hands are on you 24/7

Your hips, waist and ass are his hand holders

Literally cannot get enough of you

If you’re cooking you can bet your ass he’s wrapping his arms around you(or just unpacking takeout if you don’t cook)

Squishing you into his buff chest with his strong arms :’) whatta dream

Even in public his hands are wrapped tightly or losely around your waist, 0 fucks given at the pictures people take or the stares

He’s you number one support and judge

Perfect candidate to take to the mall when you want to buy some clothes or whatever

This is one horny ass man(but y’all knew that already)

Anything you wore he’d just melt and start making Inappropriate jokes

“How’s this one” you’d mutter mostly to yourself as you examined the dress

“It’s great ma, it look even better on the floor tho” He’d chuckle darkly

But your just like

“guess I’ll fuck him in the dressing room ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ “

Sometimes you have those down moments where you basically just hate yourself(terrible fucking feeling m8)

BUT RICHARD IS HAVING NONE OF THAT

I feel like he’d cancel EVERYTHING he has on his schedule and clean the whole house and set up the cutest fort and puts on a shit ton of Disney movies and snacks for you

He takes his time leaving soft and gentle kisses all over your body, starting from the top of your head to the tip of your toes, whispering sweet nothings in your ear before lazily clicking play on the little mermaid

He could barely focus on the movie

His hands would be draped lazily over your stomach squeezing the soft skin(making you uwu)and his head buried in the crook of your neck, giving you innocent kisses

A wide smile permanent on your face

You’d order some take out and just drink some red wine as he worships your body in the most innocent ways possible to the dirtiest ways

This dude is the dream boyfriend once he’s met the one honestly

and vice versa

Every time he feels down(which isn’t a rare thing) you’d be there.

His head would be against your chest as you softly massage his scalp, lips pressed against his forehead and you whispered all the things you love about him and all the good qualities that he has

MELTING IS WHAT THIS BOY IS DOING ON THE INSIDE

MELTING

Anywhore, moving on

it took Richard 6 months for him to introduce you to Aaliyah bc he wanted to make sure that you were actually serious

Which is completely understandable

He was so nervous bc like

whAT if you don’t want that big of a commitment??

Or what if Aaliyah doesn’t like you???

His worst nightmare is both his baby girls not getting along

Literally had to take a moment alone so he could recompose himself

He wouldn’t know what hell to do if both the loves of his life dont get along

But let’s be honest

He was stressing for nothing

You guys ended up loving each other

It took Aaliyah a few minutes to open up due to her shyness

But y’all ended up being the best of friends

And Richards heart just meLTED

You ended up befriending Yocelyn too

And Richards all like :0

If you weren’t confident before you met him, then he really did boost your confidence up little by little

Starting with random messages throughout the day

Some sweet other explicit ;)

Would take so many pictures and videos of you just so you could see how pretty you are

And if you were already confident(which we all should be :’)

Y’all would take some bomb ass pictures together

Like them cute ass insta couples

Will make such cute and inappropriate comments under your posts

Making many fans gush and hollar

Ugh, goals man, literal goals

Most fans don’t take the news well

Hate comment after hate comment

But you know what?

Y’all prolly fucking too hard to pay attention

This man is a sex God(I have no proof but I have no doubts either)

Y’all caNNOT change my mind

Pull out game weak(sorry lol)

But goOD THING YOU’RE ON THE PILL!!

This one kinky motherfucker istg

From bondage to breeding to choking to ooff I need a shower

Will take you anywhere in the house

The couch? check

Kitchen? check

Guest room? check

I want to say that he’s into public sex but I doubt it, like he’d think it’s hot but he wouldn’t want to risk anything

LUCKILY YOU’RE THERE TO PUSH HIS BUTTONS!!! ;)))))

Lazy make out sessions are a common thing

Lots of booty grabbing

My man loves that booty

You get along perfectly with the guys

Even though at first all of you were a bit iffy

Because

“Oh shit, new girl and she isn’t a one night stand :0”

But after like a week maybe, all of you started getting more comfortable

Maybe a little too comfortable which had Richard seeing red

I mean

He’d love the fact that everyone was getting along

BUT THERES BOUNDARIES !!

Ooff did I mention that he’s super protective with a tad bit of possessiveness

Not enough to be considered dangerous or unhealthy but enough to irritate you

“Like back tf up bruh I can protect myself”

And he’s all like

:0

You could be at the club, dancing and having the time of your life and some guy just creeps up behind you

And Richards got this murderous look on his face that even scared you

But let’s not lie, mad Richard is a sexy Richard

Y’all have some bomb sex after but then a deep conversation about your faithfulness to each other

Speaking of conversations

It’s 2:49am and y’all talking bout raiding Area 51 or some shit

You’re both drunk off sleep that you just go deep in thought

Or it could be 11:11pm and you guys are just confessing your love for one another

Singing his songs while you clean around the house or catch up on your work

And his just staring at you with the biggest heart eyes

Random slow dances with or without music happens at least one a week

Dates could go from a fancy ass Italian restaurant or a stop at 7/11 and a drive around the streets listening to slow r&b music

You could be gazing up at the stars and he’d try his best to focus on the road instead of your beautiful face

Days away from him suck ass

With him touring and practicing could be hard on both of y’all

But you make it work

Or when he’s finally home and you have to go to uni or work leaves him a bit disappointed

But you’ll do some romantic shit when you or he gets back

THIS MAN WILL SPOIL THE SHIT OUT OF YOU

will surprise you with diamond earrings or necklaces

You end up calling him your sugar daddy jokingly

Speaking of nicknames

Calls you mami more than your name

Like, does he even know your name?

Prolly not(jk)

You’re just mami, baby girl or babe

But you don’t mind whatsoever

Teaching you Spanish)if you already don’t know it) and kissing you every time you get something right

He’s a messy one lady’s

So every time you fight it’s prolly bc of his mess

You end up yelling at him to clean the mess

And he act all offended but does as you says cause he’s a good boy

Literally cried when Aaliyah calls you mommy

But your panicking

Like full on panicking

Like what if Yocelyn comes and drags your ass??

You’re out here worrying while Richard is bawling his eyes out in happiness

None of them have a problem with it thankfully

It just means you’re treating their baby girl right

Now it’s your cue to cry

Damn you love both of them so much

And he loves both of y’all twice as much

OH and meeting your family would be the end of him

His having a full on breakdown once again

His confidence is out the window

Cause what if they don’t accept him bc he’s a dad????

Or bc he’s constantly on the road and not being able to give you all the love and attention you deserve???

That’ll crush him

And Yashua’s prolly making fun of him lowkey

Your dad(or male figure if you don’t have a dad) would intimidate THE SHIT out of him

But once again, after a few minutes or hour

Everyone got along perfectly

Your family ended up loving him and his family ended up loving you just as much

And there’s so much more that could go on with dating Richard but this is all my poor brain could think of

Plus I’m afraid that if I write more tumblr will fuck my shit up like always :’)

Deuces 🤙🏼