#trying not to cry at the bus stop
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#absolutely crushed#trying not to cry at the bus stop#trying and failing anyways#i just dont understand i even ASKED HIM DIRECTLY to tell me if he didnt wanna see me#and he kept assuring me#and then i leave work EARLY no less bc he wanted to see me#and guess whos not there#guess who i waited for for 15 minutes#guess who i called a bunch of times and it went straight to voice-mail#stupid stupid stupid#and i managed to miss a bunch of busses bc i was waiting#i cant wait to go home and cry#and then now everyone at fucking work knows abt him bc of stupid fucking ikwinder telling everyone#like maybe DONT repeat private convos you overhear#personal#about a boy#delete later#and he keeps calling him my bf like honey nobody likes me that much
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OH MY GOD WHO MADE NEUVILLETTE CRY AGAIN
#rin rambles#IT WAS SUNNY WHEN I WALKED TO THE MRT#I AM NOW OUT AND TRYING TO CATCH A BUS AND BOOM IT'S RAINING#STOP WHY DOES HE KEEP CRYING#ORZ
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Why can't I figure out how public transportation worksš
#tried to map out my route but it directed me to walk through a wall to get to a bus stop that didn't exist#tried a different app and the bus drove right past my stop even though the app said it was arriving#still don't know which stop I should have been at#but I wasn't gonna wait another half hour to try the other three stops#so I gave up and drove#now I kind of just want to curl up and cry#it's been a day#blue complains into the void
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the future is really freaking me out i donāt know how iām supposed to be in college in a year thatās so freaking scary. but! thinking about the concept of riding the bus or other form of public transportation. š i canāt drive nor have i made any effort to learn how to and i am turning 18 in. 4 months and 10 days. so. yāknow. i gotta love walking and buses and the like. and i do i think (i can listen to my music :). )
#remy rambles#thereās actually a bus stop near my house that goes to the city i should try to take that bus sometime to see if i can Survive basic tasks#the fact that my peers have cars and jobs and future prospects is insane to me#i had 1 job for six months and then i got so so stressed out i had to quit#not cause of the job really because of school..but i canāt quit school!#man..i donāt like growing up. but at the same time iām desperate to do it. like. i canāt keep being a teenager for much longer i am#at my limit with that. but i just need like. a several months long training on how to be An Actual Human Being before they just#put me out in to the Real World#they canāt just do that!#who is they. what am i saying.#i just want to go to art school and hang out but i donāt want to move away and i donāt want to stay here and i donāt want to pay for school#and i donāt want to get a job and i donāt want to meet new people and i do want to meet new people but i donāt want to leave the few people#iāve managed to find.#every time i try to bring this up with my parents i almost start crying and they tell me weāll talk about it Later but weāre#running out of later! i would appreciate some help!#ANYWAY i love thumbs up emoji šš thumbs up
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we have been having really poor self esteem and frankly just a poor mental state lately and i don't know how to even approach it like. okay. we got out of those house, we came back home, we're back at university. we should be doing better. but we're not, we're just not. we're using substances to a greater degree than we ever have before, we're pathetically lonely, our self esteem is a flimsy roller coaster. i just feel stuck because we can't tell ourself anymore "just wait until the fall, it'll be fine in the fall" because the fall has come and we are doing badly
#vent#we're kind of in that state where we're not suicidal but also we can't shake the feeling that if we did disappear one day#only a few people would notice and they wouldn't mourn very long. that sort of thing.#we were trying so hard not to cry on the bus earlier because our friend is just so much cooler and more capable than us and it just makes u#think of how autistic and incompetent and stupid we are. and we don't understand what he gets out of being friends with us. we feel like a#stupid dumb sidekick and we're anxious that he's gonna realize that and then we're gonna be even lonelier than we are now.#and the body's dad earlier made a joke about us not having friends and it really stung and he apologized for it once we told him not to mak#those kinds of jokes but i'm crying as i type about it now. we're just so stupidly lonely. and even when we do make friends we can't help#but be the lesser one. the friend that walks behind the other on a crowded sidewalk. the friend that's always thought of second. the one wh#isn't as smart or capable or fun. i don't know why anyone bothers to be friends with us. i think if we didn't reach out to people first the#nobody would do it for us. i think that if we just stopped messaging people one day it would take a while before anyone notices anything#and longer before they did anything about it. if they decided to at all.#we're some stupid kid who needs to be told not to look at strangers yelling in public and whose stupidly naive and optimistic and i don't#know how we ever think anything else of ourselfves.
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Hey Iām very sleepy, but do yāall remember that time on Hey Arnold when Arnold was beating everybody ass and then he beat up this one man so hard he beat all his clothes off and he was nekkitt, and the man was like, āI just wanted to know whereās the bus stopā¦ :ā(ā?
That made me really sad like way more sad than it was probably supposed to lol
Okay bye
Hey Iām back bc werenāt there other grown people there?? They aināt do shit?? They just let that man walk home in his drawls?? Aināt nobody tried to help him or nun?? Gottdang??
#Iām sitting here crying laughing thinking about it for some reason#but that always made me so sad like for real#that poor man was lost and then some some lil boy just beat him nekkitt lolol#on the side of the road lol#he was probably trying to go home after a long day of being a person on planet earth#and then this lil boy#just beat his whole ass#nekkitt#I bet he didnāt talk to anymore lil boys after that day#never again#did he find the bus stop#where is he now#did he get home#that man was walking around New York butt ass nekkitt bc some random lil boy just beat his ass omg hahaha#I just hollered out loud#where is he at lol#hey arnold#nickelodeon#90s nickelodeon
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itās that time of week againā¦
#and M A N todayās getsuyoubi was extra yuuutsu#first i dropped 2 cup things filled with water. cool. a mess was made. nice.#t h e n my workstation shook by itself and one of the cup things toppled down again. only it was filled with (diluted) acid this time!!!!#i wish it fell onto me bc at l e a s t my bad day wouldāve ended with just an acid burn instead of getting worse#bc *then* we found out that we were near-out of [insert reagent here] that we need to run blanks for [test thing] yay!!!!! joy!!!!!!!!!#so we had to use a substitute solvent (sadge)#if only it ended there aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#i left work on time -> waited forever for the delayed bus -> decided to get some coffee or sth as a pick me up t h e nā¦#the coffee place happened to run out of single bags so i decided to put it into my bag instead (mistake)ā¦#ā¦a n d dropped my phone while trying to prop the stupid drink upright so it wouldnāt spill.#unfortunately for me though... some rando picked up my phone some time within the 30s-1 min wherein i realised that my phone was goneā¦#ā¦and took it home with him instead of handing it to the customer service counter at the nearby train stations. ha.#called my phone a couple of times with the phone from a customer service counter but he~~ didnāt~~ pick up~~~~~~~~~#and so. long story short. i had to leave the house an extra time to go to this guyās place to pick up my bb (read: my phone)#bc the dude~~~ canāt~~~~ speak~~~ english~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ so he didnāt understand me when i told him my location~~~~~~~#and now itās almost 8.30 in the pm. im waiting for the delayed bus to go home from wherever tf i am now. and i havenāt eaten all day :))))#(aside from a small cake thing but itās negligible tbh)#aND HOLY FK I HATE THIS I FLAGGED DOWN THE BUS BUT IT SKIPPED THE STOP HELP ME I JUST WANNA GO HOME#.am i allowed to cry yet. i. just. i just wanna eat my dinner.#ā¦come to think of it my drink ended up spilling in my bag while i was hunting for my phone. so. thereās that to clean up ig.#ughhhhhhhhh i wish that guy had just left my phone where he found it. s o b s#so yeah. if you read this i hope you had a good monday at leastā¦#this truly is my āØt r a g i c c o m e d yāØ
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help
#fionna and cake#fionna and cake spoilers#kinda ig#petrigrof#āyou were a wonderful experience'' ''you were... everythingā AAAAAAUGHGDFHGSHGDH STOP THAT#if episode 10 ended with this i would have started crying much sooner#sorry but the full song just makes me cry even more#im not exaggerating my reaction for once#im so glad i didnt even try to watch the finale in the bus jesus christ#id included#ramblings
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How I feel rn :3
#š°ą¾ą½² yapping#I had to go job centre and it started to rain#and I forgot a jacket#and then I forgot my glasses and couldnāt see shit and almost missed my bus#then at the job centre I got given a diffierent job coach and she tried to get me to be a teaching assistant#like babe I failed maths and donāt like children thats not happening#then I had to walk home in the rain with a broken umbrella from the bus stop#and it was a 40 minute walk since my house is like in the middle of butt fuck nowhere#and I saw my ex with his new gf#now Iām gonna rot in bed and try to just not exist because Iām gonna cry
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Pfft Meteors Cassie gets a detention for whatever reason, and Roxy obviously doesn't know so she races the bus like normal, but there's no Cassie. She wait until no one else is getting off the bus and there's no Cassie. The driver says she didn't get on the bus back and the kids in the front seat tell her she got a detention so she's still at school.
Roxy is fucking devastated.
#roxy the excited and happy puppy waiting for Cassie but she's not there...#she's so upset...#meteors au#meteors cassie#meteors roxy#she looks like she's gonna cry and the driver tries cheering her up like 'hey at least you still won! congrats!'#but there's no cassie!!! no cassie to see!!!#Cassie is GONE!!!#no cassie for roxy!!!#she's sat there at the bus stop staring at where the bus disappeared for so long#and then dejectedly walks back to the plex... cassieless...#where'd her cassie go??? :(#calls up eddie and he's like 'what?? detention??? huh????'#and he picks roxy up on the way to school cause what do you MEAN cassie got detention?!#Cassie's NEVER had detention!! and why didn't they call him?!#(they did he just didn't hear the phone ring)#they fucking walk in the school one looking confused while the other is a sad wet beast trying not to look like a sad wet beast#Cassie shows up at the end of the hall and they charge at eachother like they would at the bus stop#hooray!!! Cassie's here!!! all is right again!!!#roxy is so happy!!! all the puppy tail wags and hopping around and little awoos instead of words!!!#she loves her sister so much!!!!#cassie is happy to see her too!!! its hard not to be happy about an excited pupper hugging the snot out of uou#lmao dkdjkd
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Ugh.
#I had an absolute shit day#trying not to fail at this new job and my fuckups forces us to throw out a $300k opportunity this morning#did a good deed on the way home and bought an elderly manās cat food for him bc his card kept declining#so now Iām crying at the bus stop bc that was apparently what did me in šš»#personal#embarrassing tags#adhd#emotions#feelings#depression
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it's so evil when you try all the "healthy" coping mechanisms and none of them fucking work
#this trip is coinciding in a truly awful way with pms i cried in the back of the car the whole way to the bus stop (an hour)#i can't think about it because i have to stop crying now šš» anyway enough of trying to use healthy mechanisms it's time for the real ones#<- unsure what those are either#me
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š
±ļøoly FUCK they need to fix my stomach
#good morning! it's 3:43AM!#i dont think ive EVER had chills and tremors with a bad stomach episode.. literally just curled up on the floor 30 minutes ago#on the floor trying to drink pepto and very afraid it was just gonna immediately come back up (it did NOT)#i think this might be the worst episode ive ever had just bc with the other bad ones I was still able to walk and do things#the idea of having THIS happen while trying to get to the bus stop makes me wanna cry#''hm we'll try some acid reducers'' they're not working ''try some more :)'' I Was Using A Package Of Toilet Paper As A Pillow On The Floor#i don't even wanna LOOK at the leftover chinese food in my fridge now I'll just. get lunch at work. god. god.#š¤chronic illness tagš¤#hoatm rants#love the hearts in my tag as if i didnt just feel like i mightve genuinely had appendicitis for a second there#literally one of my top fears every time my pain acts up; is that this is gonna be the one that needs emergency intervention šāļø#anyways. i get up for work in like 3 hours. Super Cool
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why dont u like cars eca
what's there to like about em.
#eca orichird#daily eca#lil' eca#not the only one with shades and opinions (asks)#imagine you are a scrawny 4 year old runaway in a big city. the sidewalks are crowded; the afternoon sun beats down; and you're bustled#along with the movement of pedestrians because if you stop moving you're going to get trampled or caught. the movement of the crowd splits#slightly and in the blur you try to move where there's less foot traffic; hit your knees against a metal ledge; and clamber up the step#there's the sound of beeping and coins; but no one notices as you're pushed inward (you realize you're now inside something; a building?)#every chair is taken; there's a disorienting amount of people standing around you. it's loud and scary. your voice catches in your throat#and if you weren't nonverbal already; you sure are now. you dont know whatās happening. the thing you're in jolts and you'd almost fall ove#if you weren't packed in on all sides; there's a rumbling roar that mixes with the rush in your ears and through the sparse gaps in people#you can see the world passing by through glass; the thing you're in is /moving/ and you don't know where and you dont know how to escape an#you canāt find an exit and there's so many people and no one seems to care about you; youāre surrounded by legs much taller than you.#the metal around you rumbles and jolts and screeches and stops and starts and youāre knocked against strangers and youāre scared.#you are in there for an eternity; the people around you shift but more always take their place. at some point; the crowd thins a little#you scramble to follow a lady who seems to know where to go and you emerge onto a sidewalk in front of a library. youāve never been here#you dont know how far you are from the orphanage. you dont know how to get back. you are very small and scared and feel like things are#never going to be the same again. the suffocation of the bus clings to you; though it may just be a panic attack. lady enters the library#and you unsteadily follow her inside; you spend the rest of the day hiding on a beanbag chair under the stairs and crying silently#at 4 years old this is the worst experience of your life and it sticks with you forever. not to worry though; there will be more.
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#they speak!#ignore this#my coworker needs to move out and i can't tell if he was mostly joking or completely serious but he asked if i wanted to rent a place w him#and it's so tempting it's. so fucking tempting i want to move out so bad#and especially on days like today where i have to listen to my parents fail to communicate without getting loud and angry#like i feel so awful. i'm 22 and i still have to hide in my room and try not to cry. i can't live like this anymore.#and it feels so hopeless because what else can i do? fuck up my health even more by working more hours?#so i can afford renting a tiny place? when i'm already so unwell and struggling to take care of myself??#and i know i'm not at a place to cut my parents out of my life so i'd have to endure all the judgement they'll have about who i room with#and i know know know no matter who i room with there'll be judgement. because i can't even talk to friends casually without it lol#not to overshare on main but i was omw to work on friday and almost cried at the bus station#because i was thinking about how i never really had an adult in my life that really truly loved and nurtured me#like yeah i had teachers and later in my teens some community members that supported me and were positive influences with positive impacts#and as much as i am hurt by my parents they still very much cared for me and shaped me as a person. both for better and for worse.#and yeah be the adult that is there for yourself now and all that but.#i can never change the fact that there wasn't someone that was there. and i wish i could stop mourning but it's hard. it's so hard.#and one day it will get easier but for now i just have to endure it. i guess. hahaha. :)
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reading about pcos and trying not to cry bc if I do get the diagnosis is likely that I've been suffering for a long time and my old doctor just didn't give a fuck š„²
#this just adds to my medical trauma lmao#fan fucking tastic#like. my body hair issues and my acne issues match pcos symptoms to a t#genuinely trying not to start crying at the bus stop
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