#trying is all we can rly do right :)
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we will always be here.
happy pride <3
#trans pride#trans positivity#transgender#transgender pride#pride art#pride month#trans artist#lgbtqia#dragon#my art?#did some different/experimental stuff w this one largely bc I rly wanted to make it but Really didn’t want to do neat lines for the flag bc#pain#been trying to finish some form of it all month long :’/ finally got somewhere im ok with#meant to post it yesterday but then I decided it would actually be better if I just ignored the internet completely and made myself a#catboy wizard hat from an old flannel sheet instead#and I was right#gotta make ur own serotonin sometimes. a lot of the time#i rly don’t know what to caption this one. feels like I should Say something but words rly aren’t my strong suit especially ones that matter#but fellow trans ppl know that i am sending you so many virtual hugs even if I can only do it in tiny dragon form#we r going to be ok. somehow
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i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao
#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her#and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that#bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control#AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern#which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have#become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and#then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see#the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then#immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now#hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him#she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women#bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely#fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are#capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the#like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond#or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to#feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe#months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time#its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like#there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she#wouldnt show up and ive been right each time#like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at#them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all#anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it#and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy#and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way#its just AUSHD AUGH#anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore
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hotd never fails to disappoint
#w h a t#t h e#f u c k#this fandom also really sucks :/#i’ll never understand how certain team green fans can claim to love alicent and helaena and yet unironically support the side of the war#that very much wants to continue perpetuating patriarchal violence and control#aka the very thing that’s made both these female characters so very miserable#why is it so difficult for people to understand that rhaenyra becoming queen and reigning in her own right for some good long years#would force an ideological shift and would open a discussion that had been closed for a long time in westeros#alicent has suffered from the patriarchy but she also continues the cycle w/ her treatment of her children#please just please understand that you do not have to like team black nor do you have to like team black characters#but trying to justify aegon usurping rhaenyra is nonsense and completely unjustifiable no matter how hard you try to twist the situation#and please don’t try to take some centrist ‘team smallfolk stance’ bc that stance is simply one ppl take to shift the topic away#from the patriarchy and how denying a woman her legal inheritance tore the realm apart#‘but andal tradition’ bleh ‘why should the targs be ruling’ bleh ‘the small folk suffer more’ bleh ‘the dragons are nukes’ bleh#these are all red herrings meant to divert away from the main topic & are usually used by ppl to justify their support of team green#supporting the team that wishes for the continuation of the cycle is wrong#i support team black bc this is a break in the cycle and opens a discussion that westeros has needed for thousands of years#the social change would be slow but at least there’d be change!#<-of course we know this discussion didn’t rly open bc rhaenyra didn’t have a peaceful transfer of power and later died way too early on#but even tho she died so early a character in the main books series is using the precedent she set to support her own claim! (arianne)#anti team green#asoiaf fandom critical#anti alicent stans#anti aegon ii stans#pro team black#pro rhaenyra targaryen#hotd#house of the dragon#anti hotd
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having to explain to people things like. if i have to go out to do something and run errands i need to have it all mapped out and planned w like. at least a week in advance. and if i go out that day i cannot do anything else because That will be it. if i have multiple commitments that cannot be put on the same day i need one full day in between those commitments so i can rest and be recharged for that next thing otherwise i might have a breakdown in the middle of the street (again) and then That will render me unable to function for like a whole three days. and then people look at me like i choose to live like this?
#txt#audhd tag#just venting a little#its crazy because ppl around me are like I understand your limitations However why dont you-#So you dont understand my limitations?#like okay yeah i understand that it must be Weird for people that are not Inside my brain and hard to understand that i PHYSICALLY CANNOT>#do things that they dont even think about. alright! but to sit and tell me Yeah we get it! but then try to either fix it or >#> come up w a New Incredible Way To Fix Me as if half of what i talk abt w my therapist isnt Exactly This#like yeah i dont fucking like it either. i wish i could do shit like other ppl do. i wish i could remember things.#i wish i didnt feel exhausted all the time i wish simply leaving my bed wasnt the most difficult task every single morning#but it pisses me OFF when people try to talk me through these Limitations i have that They Understand<3 like. can you be accommodating or no#one of my closest friends and oldest friends since i was like 5 had her bday on friday and she ljterally messaged me like#Hi we r having something w my family but theyre rly loud and extremist on the right wing side and i barely wanna be here u dont have 2 come>#> but i wanted to invite u anyway so u dont think ur being left out! and i was like Yayy nice thank u bc lbr i probably wouldnt go anyway.#and she KNOWS that. and she literally was talking to me like she alwahs does and That felt accommodating and understanding and i felt loved#cut to my mom last night trying to make me feel guilty for not going because Shes my friend and i should have gone anyway.#i told her off and she backtracked but thats still innmy head like. that shit is so irritating#okay sorry vent over im just aboht to get my period so this is making me sick#want to yell into the void and forget about it. Hits post
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its so embarassing likee. going to talk abt a feeling you have but you already know ppl will be like Oh that sounds like depression lol and its like. well yes . i know . trust me i am so aware i am depressed . but its still like a thing ive been thinking abt and wanting to talk abt but ik itll just be like Ok hun 👍. idk idk what response i would want tho ig FNFNFNF
#not anything serious i was just thinking how like. idk. this is gonna sound rly stupid#but for me personally like. sometimes. How do i phrase this without sounding rly evil#i think obv ppl can spend their money however they want but like. its kind of hard 4 me to grasp sometimes like. there r things that ppl#spend a lot of money on bc it makes them happy like umm. vacations or pets or hobbies or whathaveyou. and obviously thats fine but#i iust feel like its all so. temporary and like. idk. idt im ohrasing this right at all i just likee. the thought of working all year to#afford to take a vacation and then working again to afford another vacation just makes me feel like i want to die. like. idk... i like#vacations we dont need to go on them a lot but ig its just like. everything we do just feels like a waste of time. not in like a Ohh you#should be doing more work Obviously its just like. idk. maybe it is just me. but i feel like im just waiting until i die and can be done#with it i guess. and everything i do is just to fill time until that happens. yk ? which is silly bc of my whole. Thing i cant talk abt#but ppl talk abt like. going out and partying or going on vacation or whatever and i like. I like those things its nice when they happen#but they dont rly make me longterm any happier i guess. everything just feels like another thing im doing. idk. this rly isnt coming out the#way it is in my head. and Again i know this is just depression shit or whatever im just like. its all exhausting. it just makes me feel so#tired. to think abt working and working and working so i can pay to be alive and i can save to do one fun thing every so often to keep me#sane enough to keep working and working and working and i probably wont ever be able to retire itll just be. work. and then ill die. yk.#but i feel like the vacations and stuff dont like. refresh me very much. maybe its just bc ive only been on one 'vacation' as an adult and#it was just like. coming home to see my family. and realizing id have to move back home yk..#+ like. my mom nd my gran taking me out for a weekend when i lived up there#nd those things were nice and all but once its over its like. it doesnt fuel me to keep going it doesnt make me feel any better abt having#to work for the rest of my life#ik im being ridiculous bc im literally unemployed and i cant even get up off my ass to get my stupid fucking ged so i can get a job and be#Useful to my family its just like. idk.... i try so hard to be like Oh nothing mayters and thats why everything matters type thing like. Yes#all things end and the point is to just try to be happy until it does#but i feel like it just doesnt happen for me. i feel like any happiness i feel is so insanely like. it happens and then its gone. and its#back to just. the knowledge that im still fucking stuck here. and i will be until it happens. yk. i play video games tomoass the time until#i go back to sleep then i wake up and i make a spreadsheet to pass the time until i go back to sleep#and everyday just feels like passing the time until i go back to sleep and itll just keep going until it happens. and its nice to have nice#days but whats like. the point. yk. everything just ends#IDK. this is all very whiny im sry. ive just been feeling it a lot lately . i hope this doesnt feel like me being like Ohhh you ppl r so#dumb participating in hobbies and going out and having fun dont you know yr gonna DIE? thats not what im trying to be like#its just like. i feel like it doesnt make me as happy as it does other ppl like. none of it refreshes me or makes me want to keep going
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happy flat fuck friday I feel likr I've been run over by a steamroller <3
#someones car alarm (?) went off in the middle of the night and then i couldnt sleep properly again after#and kept having nightmares.. had a rly scary one right before i woke up where i was lactating blood and it wouldnt stop coming out#i onoy noticed at first bc the shirt i was wearing had massive growing bloodstains onnthe front and then i took it off qnd there it was#and no one was around and it was night and i went outside and i was on this empty rocky beach and j had this sudden realisation#that i was going to die here like this. i was rly lightheaded from the blood loss so i sat down and just stared at the water#and then my alarm went off like fucking hellllll. wild dysphoria dream i guess 🫠🫠🫠🫠#anyway yeah whatever just gotta get thru work today hey the moons out sorry unrelated just noticed her. hi#climbing was fun last night tho :^) and i have a concert tomrorow yayyyy#dont know the band super well but only bc i havent listened to much of them but i like all ive listened to theyll be sick live i reckon#my roommate knows them more than i do but wouldnt go by herself so im dragging her with me >:)#and surprisingly a fair few number of ppl from climbing are going too which is cool ill try n say hi to some of them#actuallt there are 2 bands i should listen to the album of the other one before tomorrow too. mahbe on the bus home#guys i am sotireddddd 😭😭😭😭#MAY skip my afternoon meds so i can sleep straight after showering and eating once im home. we'll see#depends what i have to do this afternoon at work i dont even rember.. i think i have training maybe#we willl seeeee i dont mind being at work that much anyway its all good. maybe i will take my meds so i can play elden ring later#okayyyy bye#.diaries
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the way i balance staying true to my tumblrina nature while also having a job and bills and rent is that at work while cleaning a room ill think of something id like to post and then repeat it over and over in my head and refine it until it sounds right and then i either post it as soon as i get a second to Or i forget it bc i think of anew post to make. and they always get 0 notes but its ok
#not a lot to post abt in a retirement home. its like yep this room is exactly the same as it was last week and the week before as well.#2day we mughtve had a missing resident idk. i also fink i saw her like 2 seconds b4 she went missing so im sure they found her#i was just sitting in the lunch room Seething and Coping ( iwas 40 minutes behind and had just found out i had an extra room on top of that#btw i didnt get out until 4:30. my shift ends at 330 but my ride leaves at 4 and due to The crisis my boss said i can stay clocked in until#4 so that i can do liberty and get overtime et cetera. whats hard is sometimes when i say et cetera i want you to read it as et cetera but#other times i want you to read it as E.T. cetera. but what can you do.#anyways where was i. right i was in the lunchroom oh also my ride didnt leave without me bc marians my bestie. anyways. i was in the break#room idk why i keep calling it the lunchroom im not a highschooler. its a breakroom we just sometimes eat lunch in there when im not outsid#or hiding in Closet <3333333333#aaaanyways what was i talking abt. a good thing abt desktop tumblr is that i can read through all the tags so far#mobile its like a whole debacle basically. idr how but its like. whatever ider what i was talking about hold on#oh right. so i was in the break room and there was a nurse in there and on the walkie (they all have walkies. brenda also has one) i heard#someone go Sooo 245 wasnt in her room and she wasnt in the cafeteria :worried: im gonna look around 2nd but keep an eye out..#and then like a minute later that nurse got up and quickly left idk if she got a different message bc i was listening to starstruck by sorr#and trying to figure out how expensive (indian restaurant) is. the answer is very ughhh i just wanted butter chicken and garlic naan and#rice and that wouldve been THIRTY DOLLARSSS :sobbed: it is very very good food though#i caint get it anyway my check hasnt come in. Tee be honest i might go ahead and order it anyway once my check does come in i rly rly want#butter chicken rn. if in being honest.#also the nurse was playing like a kids cooking channel youtube video rly loudly and the guy in it was obnoxious and i was having such a bad#day i was just sitting there hunched over in a corner forehead against the counter it was diree guys.#the way i made 'yeah i overheard on one of the nurses walkies that they couldnt find a resident for a couple minutes' into a 10 paragraph#debacle. this is what i mean when i say i have to be a tumblrina do you know how dire it would be if i had a social life and went outside#somebody would be like hey how has your day been! and id make it into a 15 hour long historical reenactment. lord
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ngl. unconsciously disengaging from this website has been hdjfkg kinda good for my mental health overall? like yes im still dhdjfjf left out of a lot of stuff BUT i see it less so that means my feelings don’t get as hurt lmao. functionally that’s more or less the same thing probably?
going recluse isn’t what i ever want to do (& I didn’t even do it on purpose, just got busy and had a low social battery because of it) but aside from me being overall comfortable by myself, it just kind of seems like it’s where people are content to leave me. doesn’t feel great but it is what it is.
#not rly on discord servers for the same reason tbh#got tired of trying to interject my awkward attempts at participation#I mean people can still @ me but i just don’t have it in me for the server stuff#my social perception is low enough that I can’t tell what the right move is but high enough I know when I fucked up#idk if I’m just not built for larger groups or if it’s something else :(#wish I knew so I could work around it but it’s not exactly a perfect experiment#so w/e. I do kind of miss it a bit but I also feel like my absence doesn’t make a difference#which is a sad thought in itself but that’s how it goes#idk I think in general I’m in a weird spot where I make an impression but it’s never a vital one to the dynamic ?#I do sometimes doubt like. what I bring to interactions in general lately#doesn’t feel like much if I’m being honest. I mean I think I’m at least moderately interesting but djfjf who knows#weirdly settled with myself as a person but I’m thinking that cost is probably an isolating one#knowing a lot of people just never breaking past that surface level#sucks. not much else to describe it as.#idk I’m sure this is bad for me but I think I’ve kind of already messed up first impressions#it’s so stupid but I keep encountering the same dynamic of either we Click fairly quickly or we just don’t really at all#and I feel like that’s wrong of me bc I know some people need time but unless that initial click happens I just seem to falter??#idk idk idk I guess lately it’s like I feel alone/lonely but I don’t feel like I’m wanting to return to anything#bc I never felt like I really had a place there to start with#weird feeling. very weird feeling.#logging back off now dhjfkf
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all comes back to the same coping mechanisms we had as a teenager (manifesting our new place by making a list of all the stuff we need & how we wanna decorate it)
#mine#v like. idk a weird time this inbetween time rly does take all of us out & we're kinda waiting until we like.#feel like it's the right moment to find the right place? cause it's just discouraging to look when it's not.#& we do have family friends looking for us too so. essentially we're just playing the waiting game#& it's v difficult to fight off negative shit but we are trying to just remain positive to attract it sorta thing#law of attraction imma need u to work out for us full stop this time so we can finally chill pls & ty
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A few of my fave panels from Winter Soldier (2018), written by Kyle Higgins and illustrated by Rod Reis.
#the art style is really cool#no but this story will forever mark how I'll write fics with bucky in the future dude#criminal rehab means a lot to me lol#and his empathy and struggle to grow as his own (albeit still very flawed and nuanced) person is super cool#also rly appreciate how they dont shy away from depicting men crying and showing emotion#showing emotion is viewed as a positive#its depicted as a moment of catharsis that can lead to good changes#its far from perfect as far as comics go but i rly appreciate what it tried to do#like a lot a lot LOL#trying is all we can rly do right :)#james barnes#bucky barnes#winter soldier#rod reis#kyle higgins#coffee break#comics#marvel#bucky#winter soldier 2018
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i don’t think we can shitpost our way out of this one (frank interview) girlies (gn).... ://
#please no one talk to me rn i'm going through the 6 stages of grief....#yes 6. mcr just hits different there's an extra stage for that#i'm trying to stay cool bc ik he LIES and says things in ways to specifically avoid confirming or denying things#so he can go 'but i never said we would/wouldn't' later#and also they've already released 1 (one) song so there IS new music#and i get what he's saying but also broooo this is ur fave band say something ur scaring the hoes....#look. i looked like a fool thinking they were gonna return AND release new things and i was RIGHT both times#even tho everyone was like 'yeah don't count on it' bc i'm delusional like that but i do believe in mcr5 sorry for#keeping the faith bro isn't that what this is all abt?#wow anna said something#anna's shitposts#it hurts bc he might be being truthful this time but also he didn't rly say anything abt *THEM* at the same time....so smth smth broken cloc
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I have been setup with this guy who lives outside london and so we’re supposedly getting to know each other by texting first and I am literally sooooo anxious I just want to block him and move on 😭
#I don’t want to get married I don’t want to talk to men I don’t want to do this !!!!!!#but I just truly do not deal well with change so it’s probs jsut anxiety attack about the possibility of things changing#meeting someone etc#but I’m scared and nervous and I feel nauseous and I feel too young for all this 😭#it doesn’t help I’m going from never communicating w a guy w ‘romantic’ intentions#to being expected to decipher whether I like this guy enough thru msges#and he wanted to call first and I was like absolutely not I will shit myself#but this is weirdddddd#and my parents would never force me#they’d heavily encourage 😀 but if I went home crying they’ll be like wtf it’s okay we can say ur not interested#buttttt I knowww I’m not averse to getting to know someone#it’s jsut the whole thing rly scares me#and so it’ll be like this whenever it happens w whoever it happens with ‘#so I’m like trying to challenge myself but idk I feel like maybe now isn’t the right time?!! but then when will it be#god. also doesn’t help I don’t find him attractive#but still giving him a chance cos I know personality plays a part#BUT ALL THIS TO SAY IS IM SCARED OF MEN AND DONT EANNA MEET ANYONE#rahma’s rambles
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#idc about thanksgiving itself but it is feeling a little lonely having all of my family and friends busy at the same time#while my partner is also out of town for a few days#we just moved from the apartment where my sensory issues were killing me for 3 months to an apartment that's A LOT better for me#i can actually enjoy spending time here and i don't feel awful all the time#but my ebike's brakes needed work and i thought it would be done already#and the bike store is closed tomorrow so the absolute earliest i could get it back would be friday#so on the one hand. if i had to be without my bike for a week. it's better at this apartment than at the other one#where i like really desperately DESPERATELY needed it to get outside and get somewhere quiet once or twice a day#but on the other hand. it's pretty seriously limiting what i can do to try to stay busy and in a good mood#there's a park right here that i really want to go to but it's outside of my walking distance#and my back is fucked up right now so i don't rly want to try going there w my electric chair (seat is less supportive)#and it's harder using my manual chair when it's cold out bc long sleeves get caught on the rims a lot and it's really annoying#i just aaahhh i want to go to the park and take pictures of birds#i went to hannaford for dinner and fruit and mini-pie ingredients but i wasn't thinking and like. it's the day before thanksgiving lol#so i got dinner but i wasn't staying long enough to look for pie crust#i just rly want to get outside grr
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been thinking abt... following... less ppl
#this is not abt my mutuals!!! actually ive tought abt having one day dedicated to interact w you guys more#being on your blogs sending you messages etc. mutual sunday or smth. gonna have to bring the social back for this media. for me#i follow almost 2k blogs btw#and ive noticed whenever im on tumblr im basically just doom scrolling instead of having fun w the posts that the blogs i rly care abt post#i also have just as many drafts as i follow ppl and im always like ah surely one day ill have the energy to tag my drafts or add an id#but i never do lol. should just make short work out of it and delete all my drafts#personal log stardate#not fandom related#also had a kinda horrible kinda nice shopping trip today#was so enthralled in trying on all kinds of jackets that i did not check the price tags anymore and bought one that was. waaaay too fucking#expensive. at the register i died inside. then the ppl i was w roasted me for buying an expensive jacket 😭#they were like how can you not check the price tag of smth you're buying?? and they are right lol i feel so bad now. gonna wear this jacket#every day now so that im at least making the most out of it#since i dont earn money anymore ever since i started university i feel guilty every time i spend money#also some of the ppl i were w were absolute fucking assholes to a grocery's shop employee??? absolutely disrespectful and embarrassing.#they complained abt how complicated one of the self check out registers was and how long it took. as if this was the employee's fault#me and the ppl of my group who simply minded their own business were dying of second hand embarrassment there#we scolded the others afterwards and told them they behaved like assholes#now im back home trying to study 🫠 im tired
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sighhhhh made an entire schedule for an imaginary 3mo baby. and wrote down a bunch of notes about how to take care of my imaginary 3mo baby. but then i got rly sad bc i started writing notes about how im going to be working 8 hours a day 5 days a week during the majority of the babys awake time and now im a bit sad . whatever
#Im not having a baby anytime soon i just like planning and researching and thinking about my imaginary baby that i might never actually have#makes me so happy#i do have a disease where i just cant fathom Another person being there. so if there is thats gonna muck up my schedule potentially...#but. i think daycare is a good option if i can find a nice one that i can afford. hooooopefully by the time i have a baby ill have a good#paying job and obviously if there is another parent thatll help with like. money and stuff#sigh idk im trying not to think abt it more but my little momey earlier reaffirmed to me idk if im ever actually going to be able to be in#romantic relationship and that might be for the best. and also idk im just very paranoid that even if i do magically get uncrazy and fall i#love with somebody and im well adjusted enough to have a kid likee. what if they end up being abusive or neglectful of the baby. you know.#its one of my biggest fears obviously id like. talk In depth abt having kids w them before we have kids and wed work out plans and schedule#together but im just very paranoid basically. but. it doesnt actually matter bc this is all imaginary and Again might not even happen.#im also. hrmm. bc obv a big costsaver daycare wise would be having my parents watch the baby if im living in the same area. however#i have very very specific rules for how ill interact with my baby and i dont know if i trust. my parents. to interact with them the right w#like mainly when they get older one of my big things is that i never ever ever want to yell at my baby i never want to like. yk. i dont wan#to Snap or get angry ik its normal to get overwhelmed and overstimulated but i dont want my kid(s) to like. see me being overwhelmed or#upset w them. you know. but i dont know if i can trust my parents not to snap at my kid . yk. not that i dont want them to meet my kids i#i love my parents despite All that but. idk if id be comfortable leaving my kid alone with them the majority of the day.... yk. maybe#weekend visits once the kids older but i will be Sitting my parents down and Lecturing them . abt how to treat my kid#ik ppl r usually better as grandparents than as parents tho. so hopefully they like. idk. im just very paranoid abt if i do get to have kid#if i do reach a place where i can have kids and take care of them properly like i rly rly want to im rly worried abt like. i just want my#kids to be happy and welladjusted and have a good life And well see this is part of the reason im not ready for kids is bc i place too many#expectations on them already. and i shouldnt go into having a child w a savior complex i shouldnt have a kid for the gratification of#being the one to give the kid a good life. not that i shouldnt want to give the kid a good life but like. you know what i mean. i shouldnt#have a kid just so i can vicariously live out a happy childhood through them. you know. which i fear might be what im subconsciously doing
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I will say while I've loved most of elden ring I'm really glad I'm down to just 2 more main boss fights (malenia + maliketh) before I start the endgame boss fights... whew 😮💨
#really gorgeous world but frankly its unnecessarily long. theyre gonna kill me for saying that but its true..#some areas/bosses just become overly repetitive when the game is THAT massive like its unavoidable#they tried rly hard to distinguish every area + honestly its a great effort but it couldve been half the size and just as good#like i just did the elphael ulcerative tree spirit bc i wanted to finish millicents questline. and come on man we didnt need another one#the design is sick + loooove the animation. but its a bad fight not bc of the difficulty but bc its janky as hell#lock on doesnt work properly bc of its size and the way it moves. u cant see shit on ur screen fighting them melee its just hack n slash#and theyre always in the most dogshit arenas possible for them like spaces w no maneuverability. its just not fuuuun#especially after youve fought 5 or 6 already earlier on in the game..#and its cool to have variations like the scarlet rot ones but we already HAD one of those just before lake of rot!! the gimmicks worn off#i did everything except maliketh in farum azula today as well and again. it didnt need to be that long. killing beastmen gets boring#after like the first 20 combat is just mashing buttons.. even the platforming is getting dull bc ive done 120 hours of it now#and theres only so many combinations of ladders and hallways and so on that u can possibly cram in here..#i say all this with fondness like i truly do love it. but it couldve been a lot tighter! regardless ill still 100% complete it#and i get most ppl dont try to get every single armament and talisman etc so they probably dont waste time FULLY exploring like i am#ahhh. anyway ill probably do malenia and maliketh tmr bc im right outside both of their arenas. and then call it quits this weekend#ill get my first ending next weekend probably... and hopefully by june ill have 100% and then i can play something else 😭#ik the dlc comes out in june but ill probably take a month or two break before i get to that#it doesnt even neeeed a dlc.......its excessive as it is just make a new game by this point ahhhhh#anyway its like 1am i need to SLEEP. i said i would go out to watch for northern lights but its overcast and im tired and my roommate#didnt wanna come with.. so i was gonna go to bed early instead but i guess that didnt happen lol#gonna feel like shit tomorrow bc i have to be up early to take my meds and she'll wake me up anyway.. but cross that bridge#typing is getting difficult bc im so sleepy okay goodnight everyone#.diaries
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