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paperbagpetrichor · 5 years ago

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Can we get some kakyoin with an insomniac s/o? Male s/o if that’s ok. Maybe they’re still in the desert and the s/o stays up, kakyoin waking up a bit after them and he tries to help them sleep with stargazing and cuddling together, kakyoin telling them about constellations?

[ My apologies for the wait! This was so cute, thank you so much for the request

Night had already long fallen. Thankfully, you supposed, it was a clear night, no clouds nor light pollution colluding with one another to blot all the true, velvet colors away, leaving nothing but the pure navy blanket upon which the pulsing stars lay, the moon nearly full, casting silver light down upon the world beneath it. The sandy desert appeared to have been swathed in gray, at least for the time being. Even the weather wasn’t similar to how it had been during the day. Whereas you’d nearly lost yourself to dehydration earlier, sweating gallons under the scorching Arabian sun, feeling the heat radiate up from the ground to your shoes and onto the soles of your feet, every step like walking on lit coals, a fierce breeze now encapsulated the area, temperatures dropping significantly to the point that you had retreated into your sleeping bag, hardly any part of you sticking out in the chill save for a few restless fingers tapping along the hem of your bag and your face. All around you, the others slept peacefully. Avdol was silent and only turned every now and then, Mr. Joestar snoring rather loudly beside him, while Polnareff appeared to be lost in a dream, almost appearing awake, and Jotaro, whom you would’ve thought had died if not for the just barely noticeable rise and fall of his uniform around his chest. Next to you was the most important person in the world: Noriaki Kakyoin.

He was everything you couldn’t imagine having, much less deserving. His face was tilted in a gentle smile, and he lay on his side, facing you, relaxed truly and fully for once on this godforsaken hell of a trip, eyelashes fluttering every now and then as he must’ve flickered through dreams. You couldn’t simply look at his beautiful face, content, without wondering at least once what he was thinking of, what may be in his dreams, his mind, his heart, when the world around him was clear and translucent, a temporary stand-in for the real thing, how he truly felt removed from the situations you and the others were in. His arm still bridged the small gap between your quarters and his. He’d fallen asleep holding your hand, listening to the others talk as he drifted off and you smiled and helped him get comfortable. Quickly enough all the others had followed. So had you - at least, you had tried.

It had been roughly three hours, at least in your estimate, since everyone except yourself had crashed. Ever since then, you’d tried to quiet your racing mind, thinking of things back home, then what tomorrow would be like, then what you’d encountered that day, then what the previous day had brought, your boyfriend and how on earth you two had fallen in love, how his soft hair felt when you ran your fingers through it, how his warm hand felt when he did the same to you. The grins you’d shared, every hug and kiss. Everything you could try to focus on. It had to be something good, or even if you were able to sleep, you’d wind up in a fit of nightmares and wake, kicking and screaming, just minutes later. And yet every thought lead to another. Another, and another, and another, a few more, running circles around your restless mind as you squeezed your eyes shut and silently begged for sleep. Even with your medicine back at home, things had never been perfect. Perhaps about a fourth of the time you were able to get a decent amount of sleep? That may well have been an overstatement, too. Now, swept up into the journey, fresh out of anything that could help you, sleep was even more of a shot in the dark. Often, you didn’t get any at all. Regardless of how tired you really were.

Every second felt like a month; each minute, a year. Time was a senseless blur, and attempting to comprehend it would do nothing more than frustrate you, as, even if you were able to make any sense of it, you were still losing time that you should’ve been able to get rest, like any other person, because of something you couldn’t control. A tight sigh escaped your breath, and suddenly a small stirring at your side took your attention.

Kakyoin had been roused awake, just barely, albeit, still wiping sleep from his eyes and fighting to keep them open, arching his back in a deep stretch as he got into a sitting position, vision still clouded with fatigue even as he yawned and accepted the fact that he was awake. His eyebrows narrowed in confusion upon the sight in front of him. It was still nighttime - everyone else was asleep. Usually he could sleep fine, and didn’t wake unless someone got him up, so he chalked his waking up to the wind getting louder. That was, at least, until he saw his boyfriend, lying down but startlingly wide-awake, methodically scanning the area with a defeated face as he traced the neck of his shirt almost absent-mindedly. Kakyoin tilted his head to the side and gently began, so as not to wake the others, voice still hoarse from disuse, “[Y/n]?”

Instantaneously your gaze flew to him. What was Kakyoin doing up at this time? He needed to get some sleep, save his energy for tomorrow, when who-knows-what would happen and you’d undoubtedly have to fight enemy stands, at the very least. Had your shifting about woken him? “It’s alright. You can go back to sleep, don’t worry,” you affirmed, casting a smile in his direction. You waited for a response - perhaps not verbally, but something upon his face, anger at waking him, confusion as to why he was up, fear, if he’d been having a nightmare…anything, that is, except what did appear: concern.

“What are you still doing up?” the man queried, clearly unsatisfied or else completely ignoring the rest of your words. Without waiting for a response, he stood, now completely alert at the sight of his boyfriend so distraught, pulling his sleeping bag directly up against your side, taking your hand once more as he re-entered, this time his face falling next to yours on your pillow, his warm breath grazing your cheek as he raised his other hand to trace your taut jawline. Something was wrong. This much he knew, there didn’t need to be any asking.

Despite your wish that he would simply go back to bed for his own health, his touch was calming, and, if nothing else, reminded you that you weren’t alone in being awake, at least, not then. Perhaps it was selfish, but you savored it. His exhales brought with them a hint of cherry. The familiar scent let you relax even just a bit more, allowing your shoulders to slump down, surprised at just how much you’d been clutching them together in uneasiness. Reluctantly, you squeezed his hand, but still attempted to remain unaffected, not turning to face him as you replied, “I just couldn’t sleep.”

But it was hard to pull the wool over Kakyoin’s well-trained violet eyes. He’d seen the way that you were almost always inexplicably awake first out of them all, despite the fact that he could never once recall seeing you asleep - laying down, surely, tired, of course, but never fully in the world of dreams - and with every passing day, beneath those beautiful eyes of yours, small patches of discoloration had begun to form, deepening with every passing day, speaking words you would not say yourself. But Kakyoin would ask them, because he wouldn’t put his trust in anything but your own truthful words. “Hey,” he squeezed your hand back, this time holding onto it and refusing to let it go, lips just centimeters away from your ear, head settled against the nape of your neck, “I’m not the one you should be worried about.” In a lower, softer voice, he asked, “You’re having trouble going to sleep, aren’t you?” You didn’t even need to answer. The was you tensed once more against him was proof enough that his assumptions were correct.

You’d been with him long enough to know putting up excuses was pointless. He could read you like a book, with no page unturned. If you were to tell him, you may as well just let it all out, maintain as much transparency as you could so that the worried gaze of your partner would never have to return, causing a small ache in your heart at the sight of it. “It’s a little more than that,” you admitted, “I’m - an insomniac. I’m used to this.”

Just as his worry had sent a pang of sadness through you, your halfhearted laugh after your words did the same to Kakyoin, who immediately rushed to your side both literally and figuratively, gently pulling you closer to him, wrapping an arm behind the small of your back and letting his hand rest reassuringly atop your shoulder, holding you to his strong form, giving you a soft kiss on the cheek before letting go of your hand and instead beginning, “Tonight’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” you replied, uncertain as to where this was going but more than grateful for his affection, sinking into him and quickly returning his kiss with a peck of your own, placing your head just next to his until the two of you were eye-level, wide-eyed, awake, staring up at the sky above, greeted by the small wavering starlight that twinkled as if to say hello.

The two of you lay in comfortable silence for a few moments before Kakyoin continued inquisitively, “Do you know much about the constellations?”

The question caught you off guard. “I - uh,” you thought allowed, raking through your sleep-deprived mind, finally coming up with, “oh! The measuring cup.”

He laughed unabashedly, blush tinting his cheeks. God, you were adorable. “‘The measuring cup?’” he repeated incredulously, rubbing his thumb over your collarbone as he tried to keep his laughter quiet enough to not awaken the others, nevertheless barely managing to contain it. Were you talking about…?

“H-hey! That’s a constellation, isn’t it? The little cup thing?” With every further word, your boyfriend only chuckled more and more, shaking with laughter against you as he quieted himself in your side, the beautiful sound of his laughter drifting up to your ears, this time more confusing than beautiful. “You have to know what I’m talking about. It even has a handle, and it –” Your words were cut off by a kiss, taking your breath away, startled at first but melting into it as Kakyoin’s lips met yours, brief but loving, more cheeky and passionate, if anything.

Trying to keep himself from bursting into laughter at more talk of ‘the measuring cup,’ he interrupted, “You mean that one, there?” His arm extended and pointed to a small grouping of seven stars in exactly the shape you’d been describing. Your gaze followed, and you nodded, opening your mouth to confirm that it was indeed the measuring cup before Kakyoin corrected dotingly, “That’s the Big Dipper, love.”

“Wait, okay, so then that’s the measuring cup - er, the Big Dipper, rather, but I’m still right that the other one like it is also a measuring cup, just upside-down, right?”

His slight laughter was now music to your ears. “That would be the Little Dipper.” He paused for a moment, taking in your astonished gaze, as though you had genuinely not once heard their names, barely able to process it in your mind as your stuck ways of ‘measuring cups’ fought ‘dippers’. “I’m sorry for laughing, that was just - where did measuring cups come from? I suppose I can see it,” he paused, attempting to use your logic as you followed his, “but why?”

Playfully, you rolled your eyes, before confiding, genuinely, “What else would they be?”

“I love you,” was his only reply, besides more chuckling. Accepting defeat, you rested your head on his chest, feeling its movements quell to a simple rise and fall as his lyrical laughs faded, only for him to move his hand to another constellation. “Right now, we’re looking at Ursa Major,” he informed, a lazy grin sweeping its way onto his face as he let himself meld into you, continuing, “now, you’re not going to believe me, but if you look in just the right direction, you can see a bear.”

“A bear?!” Your frenzied voice wasn’t even the half of it. “How do you see a bear?”

His hand found your hair, ruffling it with a tired, content sigh. “Then how about this? What do you see?”

Despite yourself, a yawn escaped you as you replied, “I - don’t know. A pretty night, and –” you turned to look up at him, eyes breaking contact with the stars for the first time since the beginning of the discussion, “– a very handsome man.”

“Well, I see the Big Dipper, and the Little Dipper, and a different, much more handsome man, who I wouldn’t mind staying up all night with,” he replied, giving you a tender embrace, heart at ease the mere moment he saw the way your eyes had begun to droop. “And I see you getting the sleep you need.”

“I see us both getting sleep,” you corrected gingerly, allowing the wave of fatigue to truly and fully encase you as you shut your eyes, cuddling up until you and he were perfectly comfortable, two pieces of the same sleepy puzzle. Another yawn made its way from you, and you let out a small laugh of your own. “Maybe a little sooner than I thought.”

“Then that’s what I see, too.” He paused for a moment, allowing the near-silence save for the occasional whistle of wind or the sound of each other’s breathing to fill your ears, watching with a drowsy smile on his face as your eyes closed and breath slowing to that of everyone else around you. “Have a good night, [y/n]. Sleep well.”

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venenorita · 5 years ago

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HE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all have witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

Mun Name: Mercy Age: 27 Contact: IM, discord

Character(s) I rp: Bambi, Candice, Giselle, Loly, Tier, Emilou, Nanao, Hiyori, Kuukaku, Yoruichi, Ariugrette Tsetsara (OC), Tatsuki Arisawa, Kobu Merani (OC), Ajora Faengerhol (OC), Medusa Gorgon, Subida Roja (OC), Noriko Tsunayashiro (OC), (I’m gonna stop here for my own sanity @n@) Which muse(s) inspires you the most atm?(for MM): Bambi, Loly, Tier, and probably Noriko. Current Fandom(s): Bleach presently. Fandom(s) you have an AU for: Errr, none really? Not that come to mind at least. My language(s): English Themes I’m interested in for rp: Fantasy / Science fiction / Horror / Western / Romance / Thriller / Mystery / Dystopia / Adventure / Modern / Erotic / Crime / Mythology / Classic / History / Renaissance / Medieval / Ancient / War / Family / Politics / Religion / School / Adulthood / Childhood / Apocalyptic / Gods / Sport / Music / Science / Fights / Angst / Smut / Drama / etc. Themes/Genres you have an AU for:None Really dedicated to any particular genre or theme. Not that I’d be unwilling to make some. AUs are my jam.

Preferred Thread length: one-liner / 1 para / 2 para / 3+ / novella. Asks can be send by: Mutuals / Non-Mutuals / Personals / Anons. Can Asks be continued?: YES / NO only by Mutuals?: YES / NO. Preferred thread type: crack / casual nothing too deep / serious / deep as heck. Is realism / research important for you in certain themes?: YES / Depends / NO. Are you atm open for new plots?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. Do you handle your draft / ask - count well?: YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. How long do you usually take to reply?: 24h / 1 week / 2 weeks / 3+ / months / years. I’m okay with interacting: original characters / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / my fandom / crossovers / multi-muses / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / canon-divergent portrayals / au-versions (as main or only verse). Do you post more ic or occ?: IC / OOC. Are you selective with following others?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

Best ways to approach you for rp/plotting: IM An IM will usually do the trick since I usually don’t go about giving my Discord in most cases. But yea, literally just send me an IM, preferably with an idea in mind. Alternatively if you’re particularly bold you can send an ask or a meme.

What expectations do you hold towards your plotting partner: . I dunno how to really word this one in particular. I usually don’t like overplotting, so be open to some flexibility. Frameworking is fine but I don’t wanna script stuff from the getgo. Also please work WITH me? If I’m the one throwing out ideas and all I’m getting is a simple ‘eh’ or ‘no’, or just in general if you’re not helping contribute. Like....I get being anxious but I need something to work with? Suggestions. Recommended alterations to my ideas? There’s nothing more absurd to deal with than someone who agrees to plot with you only to contribute nothing and just shoot stuff down.

When you notice the plotting is rather one-sided, what do you do?: I’ll try my best to work with it. Some people aren’t great with cranking out ideas, I get that. Heck sometimes I myself don’t feel like coming up with a lot of stuff. But at some point I’m gonna ask them to put in a little effort if we’re not getting anywhere.

How do you usually plot with others, do you give input or leave most work towards your partner?: I at the VERY least give input. Ask questions, things like that. I’ll generally come up with a few off the top ideas to try and get things rolling.

When a partner drops the thread, do you wish to know?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: I wouldn’t mind a poke, but I know stuff can be complicated. Wether you’re busy, losing muse, or you just don’t know how to progress a scene? I’ve certainly had plenty of threads, enjoyable or otherwise, where I say to myself ‘.....I think this is fine here’. Or ‘I don’t know where I’m supposed to go from here’. So I don’t mind if you kinda let it slip into the night. Though a heads up is always appreciated. - What should your partner do when dropping a thread?: Kinda outlined up above. But MOST of all, don’t be AFRAID to let me know. I’ll understand

What could possibly lead you to drop a thread?: . Business, fatigue, lack of enthusiasm, not knowing how to progress. Or characters that clearly do not want to interact with my muse icly. I know some people really like playing these sorts of individuals, but like yea...uphill battles of that kind can really take it out of me. - Will you tell your partner?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

Is communication in the rpc important to you? YES / NO. - And why?: As much as I don’t really require it, because well, I know people have a lot of followers and such, I do feel like a rapport while not required is definitely very constructive to interaction. And honestly, communication tends to help smooth out drama a bit. Which honestly is one of the only big negatives to this kinda community. - Are you okay with absolute honesty, even if it may means hearing something negative about you and/or portrayal?: Absolutely! I very much encourage people, off anon (though I understand if they prefer the metaphorical mask), to inform me of something they may not like about me or my muses. Even if it may hurt my feelings, I enjoy being able to address and explain things. Cuz it sure beats the hell out of people making assumptions. - Do you think you can handle such situation in a mature way? YES / NO.

Why do you rp again, is there a goal?: Enjoyment. This is a hobby, and I think some people take this a bit too seriously. I’m here to have fun, explore my muses, and that of those I interact with. Get messy, make mistakes, and for pete’s sake chill.

Wishlist, be it plots or scenarios: Nothing comes to mind speeeecifically... Honestly for most of my muses, just having someone who WANTS to interact with them is golden. Though I admit to being a bit of a ship goblin from time to time.

Themes I won’t ever rp / explore: Nothing outright disgusting or gratuitous. Torture, psychological trauma, ect is fine. That’s how things roll, and I don’t mind them being part of a scene. What I don’t get into is something that’s there for the sake of it. Am I ok with my character being tortured for information? Absolutely. Will I indulge in a thread that’s just some kind of weird torture porn? No. Don’t let it get out of hand. I won’t judge you because cmon, it’s rp. But I reserve the right to decline being a part of it.

What Type of Starters do you prefer / dislike, can’t work with?: Anything tbh. The only real awkward starters are like.....really specific shoehorning. Or like, an immediate conflict at my character’s detriment. I get having an unusual introduction. I’ve had people who start with shit like “WHAT ARE YOU DOING BREAKING INTO MY HOUSE?” Like cmon. Number one, even I don’t know why my character would break into your house, so they probably Didn’t. Please do not assume the worst and START things off on a bad foot.

What type of characters catch your interest the most?: Multifaceted. Not that I judge anyone for being more ...affixed on a particular aspect of their character. Some people are very keen on getting a certain type of rp. Some people just outright play a character who isn’t really shown to be anything other than one thing. But I enjoy exploration of a personality. And a personality, no mater how dull, stupid, or simple someone is, is NEVER monofaceted. I enjoy a muse that has something to dig for or explore emotionally.

What type of characters catch your interest the least?: Asocials. I’ve had some decent rp with them SOMEtimes? But like....there’s nothing more aggravating than trying to interact with a character who wants to be left alone and be isolated. Especially ones that are AGGRESSIVELY against it. Especially since I have to WORK to MAKE my character even want to interact with them.

What are your strong aspects as rp partner?: MY.......errr....en...thusiasm? I don’t actually know tbh. My malleability with my muses perhaps? Errr I like thinking about stuff. IF you ask me a question, I will do my best to answer it and explore the realm within that question. I dunno what you would exactly call that though... I am ...headcannony?

What are your weak aspects as rp partner?: I am flaky. Sometimes it’s cuz of real life getting hard. Sometimes it’s because I need a break from tumblr. Sometimes I just poof and forget about tumblr for like a while. But yea. I have a tendency to vanish, it’s something I’m working on but it’s something that happens.

Do you rp smut?: YES / NO. Do you prefer to go into detail?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. Are you okay with black curtain?: YES / NO. - When do you rp smut? More out of fun or character development?: It can go either way? Sometimes things develop that way because of specific characters. But I’m not gonna lie, sometimes its just for the heck of it. Sinday and all that. - Anything you would not want to rp there?: Interactions with Real life people as a muse. I respect people doing it. If people wanna rp as Miley Cyrus or whatever, more power to them. But leave me out of it, it just makes me uncomfortable. This also applies to a lesser degree with real life face claims? But I’ve learned to kinda make my peace with that one tbh.

Are ships important to you?: YES / NO. Would you say your blog is ship-focused?: YES / NO / Sometimes? Do you use read more?: YES / NO / SOMETIMES. Are you: Multi-Ship / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship — Multiverse / Singleverse. - What do you love to explore the most in your ships?: The Nuts and bolts. Sure the honeymoon phase is alright. And bunny-rabbiting has it’s fun times. But what I love most about a ship is finding out how they work as a dynamic. What do they argue about? How do they absolve issues? How do their world views mesh? - What is your smut tag?: nsfw

Are you okay with pre-established relationships?: YES / NO / Depends - And what kind of ones?: I like a good premise. Just a nice kickoff point, ya know? Soemthing to get past that first awkward phase if anything/

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- What could possibly make your Muse interesting towards others, why should they rp with this particular character of yours now, what possible plots do they offer?: She’s a bitch. But a bitch for a reason? She’s an absolute piece of shit, but a complicated one. She will never EXPRESS appreciation or affection outside of just sexual indulgence. She won’t ever SHOW fluffy affection, or gratefulness to most people. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t FEEL it. With Loly you will get to see a gal struggle with her own inability to trust or love people, while also trusting and loving people. Also ngl she kinda hot? I guess some people consider that a plus?

- With what type of Muses do you usually struggle to rp with?: I mentioned it before, but muses who aren’t interested in interacting. - With what type of Muses do they usually work well with?: Anyone willing to interact with her! Wether that’s to help her, harm her, or just witness the mental gymnastics this little centipede will go through to keep her mental restrictions intact.

- What interests your Muse(s) in general: Power, Indulgence, Being a rotten Bitch, maintaining the survival of Las Noches, Hot people, Strong People, anything that can benefit her in some way. - What do they desire, is their goal?: She wants to be able to escape her fear of her own kind. - What catches their interest first when meeting someone new?: Wether or not they are a threat to her survival, if they have something to offer her. - What do they value in a person?: Lack of Aggression, Visual Appeal, Power. - What themes do they like talking about?: Herself or someone else she is interested in. Her Race. The state of the world. - Which themes bore them?: Criticism of her, Anything about Aizen.

- Did they ever went through something traumatic?: Aizen’s Betrayal, Grimmjow’s assault on her, Yammy’s attempt to kill her. The Quincy Invasion. - What could possibly trigger them?: Grimmjow, Yammy, the subject of Aizen. - What could set them off, enrage them?: People trying to kill/maim her arbitrarily. - What could lead to an instant kill?: Aggressively trying to kill her, making it clear you have no intention to let her live peacefully again.

- Is there someone /-thing they hate?: Aizen. Orihime. Hueco Mundo. Being a Hollow/Arrancar. - Is there someone /-thing they love?: Menoly, People that try to help her.

Is your Muse easy to approach?: YES / NO / Kinda - Best ways to approach them?: It’s a little complicated. But if you’re persistent enough and you genuinely want a positive interaction with her, she will bitch about it but she will eventually soften up. Especially if she feels no reason to fear you. She absolutely won’t trust you at first and it’ll be an uphill battle, but its doable.

For Antagonists ehh.....just give her breathing room? Feel free to torment her but like....if you get real incessant about it, or outright try to kill her she will actively avoid you like the plague. And if you corner her she WILL try to kill you, and her venom means that no matter how strong you are, she MIGHT pull it off if you are careless. - Where are they usually to find?: Verse dependent, but tbh she could be found just about anywhere. She’s usually in Las Noches, ut she sneaks off to all kinds of places for some peace and quiet, or just to try and enjoy her generally unpleasant existence.

Something you may still want to point out about your muse?: Patience WILL pay off eventually? And she’s not a bitch 24/7. Sometimes she’s too tired/bored to be her usual bitchy self.

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by: Stolen from @pacifv Tagging: WOOF, this is a REALLY long one lol. So uhhh anyone who WANTS to do it?

#[Poisoned Anatomy]#[OutofExcuses]#[Dash Meme]

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evenstevensranked · 8 years ago

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#32: Season 1, Episode 7 - “Foodzilla”

Louis convinces Ren to let him do a live news segment on the school lunch lady for the Wombat Report. Unfortunately, his inability to be serious turns the story into a fiasco -- ultimately causing the lunch lady to quit her job.

The episode opens with Louis and Ren walking home from school. He’s nagging her and asking “please?!” over and over. This is obviously setting us up to wonder what the heck he’s asking for. Side note: I love how even though I know they filmed the interior shots of the house on a set, I STILL like to think they used the real house from time to time, lol. This is another one of those instances. They’re walking out and about in the real world, up until they reach their front door. You can’t tell if they’re still outside or if they’ve captured great artificial “natural” light. Gahhh. You can also hear legitimate sounding wind and cars driving by, which is either great sound editing or... ya know, they were actually at the house. In which case.. IT TOTALLY IS THE SAME INSIDE!

Yeah, this is definitely (probably) my wishful thinking talking tbh. The more I stare at these images the more it looks like a set with bright lights... But still.

Anyway, nerd analyzation aside... Turns out Louis desperately wants to host a segment on the premiere installment of the Wombat Report, which Ren is in charge of. He says that he could make her a comic masterpiece, which is where Ren immediately shuts any prospect down. Naturally, she absolutely will not allow it because she thinks Louis is incapable of taking anything seriously. I don’t blame her. If only she could lighten up, though.. Louis probably could’ve delivered something great, hilarious and take it seriously. I would’ve loved to see that, tbh.

Literally a million scenes/lines from this episode were used in Disney Channel promos for the show. Including “You think I need to shave my pits?” “I rest my case.” which happens around this point of the episode.

Louis heads out to the backyard, where Eileen is attempting to do Tai-Chi. The only problem is that she can’t find the right music to help her relax. Louis confides in her about the Wombat Report situation, and she tells him if he really wants to do it, the only option is to take it seriously and present Ren with a professional idea. She invites Louis to try exercising with her “Do this with me! It’s called: Golden Chicken Stands on One Leg.” Louis gives up right away and says:

So freaking good. Louis Stevens is all of us.

Eileen eventually looks though Ren’s CD collection for better relaxation tunes and chooses Limp Bizkit. Oh my god. “The Limp Biscuits. That sounds relaxing” she says. bahaha I can’t.

The next day at school, Louis tries to figure out a good idea for a story and goes to Twitty and Tawny for help at lunch. Twitty suggests that he do a behind the scenes look at his band, The Alan Twitty Project! Ahhhh! This is the first ever hint at the band arc! :D He also says that his lead singer has mono. The number one sickness mentioned on teen shows that literally no one I’ve ever known in real life has contracted. We get another one of those lines used in promos here: Louis: “You think I’m just some goofball who can’t be serious?” Twitty and Tawny: “...........yeah.”

Right about now is when Louis gets the bright idea to do his story on the school lunch lady.. played by Wendy Worthington who’s been in a zillion things you’ve probably seen. Including “Tower of Terror” -- the single most horrifying movie to ever air on Disney Channel. (Well, except for “Don’t Look Under The Bed.”) There’s a decapitated corpse and doll in the film. Just sayin.

She’s honestly really good at playing a creepy lady, I guess. Also, the little girl is Morgan from Boy Meets World... which instead of a direct parallel, you could consider a 6 degrees of separation deal between this show and BMW. I mean, that’s kinda reaching... but.

Just for the laughs, here’s me on the ride at Disney World. I was... well, terrified of it, but oddly obsessed at the same time. Also, that is my uncle laughing at me to my right.

Louis presents Ren with a rough draft of his report “The Lunch Lady: Life Behind The Hairnet” which seems extremely promising. Ren thinks so too, and allows him to do the segment. We sort of get mirror talk that night... but not really. It’s just Louis practicing various ways to act on air -- another bit used in promos.

Okay, we’ve finally reached the debut of The Wombat Report! For some reason Ren can’t correctly pronounce “Wombat Report” and says “Wombat Waport” I never understood this until I asked my mother for confirmation today. Louis refers to her as “Bawa” (a.k.a Barbara Walters) at one point, so I always assumed this was a reference to her or something... turns out my assumption was correct. I apologize for being an uncultured swine.

They start off with a “Coming up...” intro that features a character named DaNica Henderson (played by Alexis Lopez from The Luck Of the Irish, whose sister is Bianca Lopez a.k.a Mandy “Always Gets Her Man” Sanchez! Holy crap!) To quote Season 3 Louis:

DaNica says “Ever wonder what happens to the fines you pay on overdue library books? I have a shocking report.” And the camera zooms out to reveal a fancy sports car in the librarian’s parking spot:

Like, wth?! lol. Imagine if the librarian saved up enough piddly overdue fines to buy a freaking lambo or something?! omg. What’s funnier is that I’m picturing the stereotypical, old lady librarian driving around in that car.

They segue to a sports report by the underused Artie Ryan. Yesssss. He’s interviewing Twitty about a recent basketball game. This scene cuts to Louis, who’s on next, telling Tom (who of course is the AV guy/cameraman) that he’s just gonna wing the interview with the lunch lady. Not good. When it cuts back to Artie’s segment, we get another one of those backends to a random sentence from Twitty: “...Let’s just say it’s the last time I played without a cup.” Oh my god. Chill, Disney. Twitty takes this on-air opportunity to say that his band is looking for a bassist. Artie leans in like “Hey! I play bass!” lol. This is so great because Artie goes on to join The Alan Twitty Project/Twitty-Stevens Connection! Again, very cool to see the band arc starting to form. Gotta love solid continuity.

It’s time for Louis’ report and, well... this is just one of those absolutely iconic scenes ya gotta embed:

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“It’s FOODZILLA! Tokyo is dooooomed!” (At least, I think that’s what he’s saying.)

..........as you can see, Louis started off his live-streamed interview sort of okay? And then it all just went down in flames pretty quickly. Only Louis Stevens could take an interview from a simple question, to a full out food war between the news crew and the Lunch Lady. It’s actually pretty hilarious, but you just cannot help but cringe at the fact Louis f’d up… again -- Much like his meltdown in Wild Child. But, I’m ranking this disaster higher because I find it less horrible than tarnishing the name of his own family and jeopardizing Eileen’s campaign on television. It’s a lil less cringy than that, which makes it funnier. I love how he shouts “MAN DOWN! I’ll try to get’cha out! I’ll try to get’cha!” as if they’re literally at war, which is too much lol.. and also predicted Shia’s future...? (Again, I’m reaching, but STILL.) That ending shot scene of Ren fuming with anger was also used for promos. Actually, you can just check out this promo video I posted recently to see every moment I’ve mentioned so far and then some.

To Ren’s surprise, everyone (including Principal Wexler for whatever reason) loved Louis’ segment and thought it was hilarious. DaNica refers to it as “phat�� which definitely dates the show, lol. Just like that, Ren switches gears and tells Louis to prepare another segment. Wow. Unfortunately, at lunch that day.. all the kids start taunting the lunch lady by screaming “FOODZILLA!” at her. This one kid was the first one to shout it, and I always thought he was Khleo Thomas (Zero from Holes) lol:

The lunch lady is obviously mortified and runs away into the kitchen. :( Louis and Ren feel incredibly remorseful. When they get home from school, they tell Eileen everything and she forces them to go to the lunch lady’s house and apologize. (This is also the “You are a horrible little person” bit. As seen in that darn promo I linked.)

They go to her house later that night, and she reluctantly invites them in. We learn that her name is Elsa Schotz, and she “shows them who she really is” by yodeling for them. I don’t know how that’s supposed to reveal her true colors, but ok. We find out that she came over on a boat from Europe to become a professional yodeler, but sadly no one cares about yodeling in America — which is most definitely extremely factual. Have you ever heard a Top 40 yodeling hit? Honestly, why would ANYONE travel to America of all countries to pursue a yodeling career? She was already in Europe! That seems like something you’d go to Germany or Switzerland for??? I feel like this is a career endeavor you’d research where it’s most lucrative before moving to another country? Anyway, once she found out that yodeling work literally does not exist in the US, she started cooking at the school for money. But, now she’s depressed because she’s being made fun of.

This information somehow leads to Louis and Ren giving her a makeover??? I never realized it before, but that almost makes no sense? The kids at school weren’t making fun of her for the way she looks, but rather, because of her crazy outburst. I’d be so insulted and confused if I were Elsa. Is the makeover just a way to... somehow distract from the Foodzilla thing? Idk. She forgives them in the end though and her new-look gives her a confidence boost.

Where’d they get that outfit? Did she just happen to have something snazzy like that in the back of her closet? or did they seriously glamify her uniform?

They were pumped for the kids at school to see the “new and improved” Elsa Schotz, but she doesn’t show up the next day. Turns out she struck up a relationship with the school janitor and they eloped to Las Vegas to get married. Still a better love story than Twilight.

And that’s pretty much it! The short return after the last commercial break is Louis yodeling for Eileen while she does her Tai-Chi.

This episode remains super memorable. Probably because how many freaking scenes they used on commercials! It also aired a lot as well. Like, wow. But other than the actual Foodzilla scene, the rest of the episode is just a little bland and slightly random at times haha. It’s still good though. It’s nice to see Louis and Ren work together to help Elsa in the end.

Thoughts?

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