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naughtyneganjdm · 1 day ago

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Love's Second Chance: A Holiday Reunion - Chapter 8

Summary: After an unplanned day at work, Y/N comes home to find a surprise waiting for her.

Characters: Joel Miller, the reader (OC), Negan Smith, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60501985/chapters/155580502

Warnings: 18+, Swearing, severe angst, smut, public sex, unprotected p in v, depression, emotional characters, etc.

Notes: This is up later than normal. I was busy tonight. Happy Thanksgiving to those that celebrate! There is a nod to the TLOU games in this chapter.

What was supposed to be a vacation from work for a few weeks didn’t last very long. Today when Y/N’s boss called her asking her to come in and help with something, she was eager to go in for Carol. It wasn’t like Y/N was incredibly busy and money was money. It also gave her an extra day off somewhere in the future. It was unfortunately a long day and Y/N was just eager to come home at the end of the day. Both the children and Negan knew that she would be working, but tomorrow she would be spending it with them. Just so she could get some rest.

Even though it was something she had grown accustomed to over the last few years, coming home to a silence felt strange. Especially since she really hadn’t been alone in the last few weeks. Truthfully? She didn’t like it. Even though people always say they enjoy that alone time, for her she just liked being with someone. After four years of being lonely, the noise was just something she looked forward to.

Heading upstairs, she knew that she should have eaten something, but sleep just sounded so much better. Pushing the door open to her bedroom, a surprised sound fell from her throat when she saw that something was laid out over the top of her bed. Stepping forward, a lump grew in her throat at the brand-new dress that was before her. Involuntarily smiling, she dragged her fingers across the material. Next to it was a typed out note and a peony. Picking up the note, she started to read it with a warmth flooding into her face.

Put the dress on. A car will pick you up at eight. Don’t ask where you’re going. Just trust me.

With a smirk, she grabbed the peony and brought it up to smell the flower. This had to be another one of Negan’s elaborate date night ideas. It was completely unexpected, but charming considering everything. Even though they both agreed that they would wait until tomorrow to get together, Negan was always spontaneous like this.

Setting aside the note and the flower, she lifted up the dress to take a look at it. It was a flowing red gown that took her breath away. A long time ago she had seen a dress like this that she had wanted, but decided not to buy it because it was on the more expensive side. Also, she really didn’t have something nice to wear it to. Bringing it close to her chest, Y/N looked to the time to see that eight wasn’t too far away. If she wanted to look nice, she would have to start getting ready now.

Taking a quick shower, she dried her hair and did as she was told putting on the dress, her makeup and some of her nicest jewelry. After getting ready, she waited downstairs wondering if she should call Negan, but instead waited. By eight there was a car waiting for her just like the note said. Getting into the car felt uncomfortable since it was a stranger that was driving her around. Silence filled the car and even though she trusted Negan, it was hard not to speak.

Should she ask the driver where they were going? She wasn’t used to things like this. But she kept quiet and just trusted the process. When they reached the local high school it confused her. The driver stopped in front of the school and it made her let out an uncomfortable sound.

“You’re supposed to go into the school,” the driver instructed looking back at her over his shoulder and it had her swallowing down hard. Sliding across the backseat, she worked opened the door. “Have a good night.”

“You too,” she gave the driver a thanking nod, closing the door once she got out. Moving up the long walkway to her old high school made her curious as to where this was headed. Entering the school brought back old memories for her. Even though she now was coming to the school as a parent for Elizabeth, this was still the school she grew up at. Usually the school would be locked up right now considering they were on holiday, but here it was lit up and welcoming for her to walk through it.

Stopping at the display cases, she looked over the trophies that were there. Gazing over the old photos of when she attended the school made her smile. The young photos of both Joel and Negan on their perspective teams drew her attention. After taking a few minutes, she wondered where she was meant to go until her eyes fell to a piece of paper that was taped to the wall. In a bold font the words ‘this way’ were written on it with an arrow pointing down the hallway.

Following the route, Y/N was amused that it led her through the hallways of the school with each sign directing her where she was meant to go. By the time she made it to the school’s planetarium, it made her head tip to the side. Opening the doors, she stepped inside to see that it was empty except for something that was on the desk at the front. There was a bouquet of flowers along with another typed out note.

Unhurriedly moving across the room, she reached for the note and grew curious with the instructions.

Sit in the front row, middle seat. Don’t move. Watch the show.

Putting the note back on the desk, she looked around the empty room again. There was no sign of Negan. No sign of anyone really. Exhaling loudly, she did as she was told and sat down in the middle seat of the front row. Suddenly the regular lights went out and it was completely pitch black. It had been so long since she had been in this room. It was always something that she liked doing when they went here for school when they were younger. Leaning back in the seat, she lifted her head up waiting. It took a moment for the lights of the planetarium to be projected up onto the ceiling, but when they did it drew an awe from her.

They had definitely updated it since she had been here. All of the lights were bright and in a much higher quality which was no surprise. It had been a long time since she was last in this room. There was a chill in the room making her realize that she was genuinely not used to wearing dresses like this.

At this point, she half expected Negan to come into the room and join her, but she was alone for quite some time.

“I thought I’d tell you a story,” a voice spoke up causing a chill to flood her body. Looking back, she let out a shocked breath to see that two rows back Joel was sitting at the end of it. With the dimly lit room she could tell that his hair was slicked back and he was wearing a red dress shirt and a black suit jacket. “Don’t look at me, keep watching.”

“Joel?” she spoke his name with goosebumps developing over her arms. This wasn’t at all what she thought was happening. Yet it now suddenly made sense why the notes were typed and not written. “What is this?”

“Listen to me. Please,” Joel begged of her, his southern drawl growing deeper. There was something in the way that his dark eyes stared out at her that made her heart sink. “Hear my story and then if you want to ask questions, you’re free to do so.”

“Joel,” she said his name again with a frown flooding his features. Sighing loudly, she turned back around in her seat and leaned back to stare up at the ceiling of the planetarium again. Even though she didn’t know where this was headed, she listened to Joel.

“Thank you,” Joel’s voice was deep with him trying to speak loud enough and clear enough for her to still hear him. “I want to tell you the story about the first time I fell in love.”

Closing her eyes, she so badly wanted to stop him, but instead she did as he asked and kept quiet, “This story starts with me moving to this town. You know that I grew up in Texas. I never wanted to leave. Tommy and I were so mad when we had to. We didn’t want to move. We liked where we lived, but our daddy insisted that it was what was best for business. When we moved, I was pissed. I had friends that I was leaving. A place where I felt like I belonged. The first day we moved to this town, this woman came with her daughter to introduce themselves. When my mother brought me to the door to meet them, the woman’s daughter immediately blushed when she saw me. I was grumpy of course. I didn’t want to be there, so I wasn’t in the mood to be civil with strangers.”

“I know this story,” she pointed out having Joel scoff when she interrupted him. She lived this story and she knew what the outcome was. Clutching tightly to the arms of the seat, she curled her fingers around them and didn’t know why this was drawing chills down her spine.

“Not the whole story,” Joel corrected her with a grunt. “You’re supposed to stay quiet and watch the show. Listen.”

“Yes sir,” she huffed, leaning more comfortably back in her seat wondering if she would be able to get through this whole thing. This was already more than Joel spoke for the most part which was certainly different for him.

“Anyways, this girl had a crush on me from the start. I knew it. I always knew it. Every time I’d go outside to throw around a ball I could see her down the street trying to do things to impress me. And she’d show up asking me if I wanted to hang out with her and her friend. Of course, she was younger than me, so I thought I’d look stupid hanging out with a younger girl. So I’d deny her every time,” Joel recalled of his youth when he first met Y/N when they were children. Every day she would show up trying to get him to hang out, but he’d always say no. “But that girl? She never gave up. Every day she was outside, she’d try to get me to play with her and the other children. But I didn’t want to get close to the people here. I was so goddamn convinced that if I was brooding enough that my parents would take me back to where we lived before. But that girl? Even though my little brother was three years younger than her, she had no problem allowing him to hang out with her and her friends. See, back then? She was the most popular girl on the block because she was the most badass, coolest girl around. All the boys wanted to be friends with her. She played sports, knew them just as much as the boys did.”

Biting down on her bottom lip, Y/N tried to keep herself quiet while Joel told their story from his point of view, “And when my little brother started getting bullied by the dickhead living in our block, I didn’t know it at first. When I finally saw that shit stain knocking my brother off his bike, I was fully prepared to kick his ass, but that girl? She was outside playing hockey with her friends and saw it too. Beat me to it when it came to kicking that bully’s ass with her hockey stick. I was impressed. Scared. But impressed.”

“You didn’t fall in love with me then,” she noted remembering distinctly of their relationship through the years.

“You’re not a very good listener,” Joel’s Texan accent grew thicker making her laugh with him hushing her. “Anyways! That day I’m pretty sure that girl fell in love with me because I agreed to finally start hanging out with her and her friends. If she was willing to kick someone’s ass for Tommy? She was good enough to hang out with. So I became a trio with her and her best friend. For years I knew she had the biggest crush on me. It’s not that she told me she had a crush on me, but it was the way she looked at me. I never acted on it because I truthfully was scared of her. What if I pissed her off and I became her next target?”

“Joel,” she grumbled under her breath hearing his thick laugh in return.

“I’m serious! You scared the hell outta me. It was better to have you as a friend than as an enemy,” Joel declared rocking slightly in his seat watching her from afar with her still staring up at the showing of the stars above them. “But now? I’m gonna jump ahead and tell you about the time I fell in love for the first time. You see, I wasn’t the smartest student around. I was actually…kinda lazy. Instead of focusing on my education, I focused on my athletic and musical talent to get me ahead in life. For the most part? It worked. That friend of mine was in the same class as me. Even though we were best friends out of school? Sometimes I was kind of a dick since she was younger than me. So I’d sit by my friends when I reckon I should have always been spending my time with her. But one day in class, they turned off the lights and that girl? She was sitting in the front row, right in the middle. There was a light that was reflecting from the lights above that drew my attention to her. And for the first time when I looked at her, I felt my heart stop. She was smiling and it took my breath away seeing her like that. I was in the third row, on the end and I couldn’t take my eyes off her. All I wanted to look at was her.”

A loud exhale fell from her lips with her lowering her head down with Joel sweeping his thumb in over his bottom lip, “I thought it was a fluke. Something that wasn’t gonna happen again because I had never felt that way about her in all the time we had been friends. But after that moment in this very classroom, every time I saw her she took my breath away. My heart would race. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I didn’t understand why it took me that long to finally see that she was the most beautiful girl that I had ever laid my eyes on.”

Her breathing grew louder when Joel confessed to her something she had never heard before from him with this story, “I thought I lost my chance with her because I thought she had feelings for another boy, but when I approached her at a party and I kissed her…I felt fireworks. I had kissed other girls before, but when I kissed her? I wish I could describe it. It felt like my heart stopped and at the same time like it was pounding outta my chest.”

Leaning forward in his seat, Joel rest his arms against the chair that was in front of him while he watched her listening to him, “After that moment? I knew that I needed to have her in my life always. And then when we slept together the first time? I should have made it more romantic, but I could tell by the way she looked at me that she was everything right in the world. There was always a piece of me missing, but with her? She made me whole. And after that moment? I couldn’t stand to be separated from her. Every moment I spent without her, I was in agony. That’s how I knew I met the love of my life because every minute I spent away from her I was counting the seconds until she was in my arms again. She was everything that was perfect, pure and right in the world. And me? I was a fucking mess. Which is why I always thanked the world for bringing her to me because I wasn’t used to things going right for me. When the world fell apart for me with my parents dying, she was my rock. She was my strength and she made me realize what true love really was. We didn’t mean to get pregnant, but it happened. It was scary. It was sudden. But we took it on together.”

Getting up from his seat, Joel moved to the front row with her and sat beside her, “When Ellie was born, I was blown away that I could make something so perfect. But then again? She was part of you.”

Outstretching his fingers, he stroked them over the top of her hand seeing that tears were burning at her eyes, “And when we got married, no matter how scary the world seemed at that young I knew I’d be okay because I had you by my side. Every night after Ellie was born, I’d always wake up worried about the both of you. Everything else that was good in my life left me. So I’d check on you and her because I loved you both so much.”

Against his fingertips Joel could tell that Y/N was tremoring trying to avoid getting emotional, but she still was, “And then we had a beautiful boy. We were in love with two amazing miracles that came from our love. I don’t know what happened, but I let my past cloud my judgement. I had everything any man could wish for. And I messed up. I screwed up real bad.”

By now she was crying again, but he hooked his fingers with hers tightly in a supportive squeeze, “I let you down and I’m sorry. I thought at the time I was making the right choice, but I miss you. I miss us. I miss our family. Without you? I don’t feel whole. When I had my family, I was proud. I was a man that had everything. The perfect wife. Beautiful children.”

Joel’s words lingered when he turned in the seat, reaching out with his other hand to press his fingertips in over the side of her face, “I love you Y/N. I love you so much. And I miss everything about my life before. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I made a horrible mistake. I want us to be together. I want us to fix things. And I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. When I lost everything with my parents, you pulled me out when I was drowning. You saved me. And you were the only person that ever felt like home to me.”

What really got her was not only was she crying at this point, but so was he, “The children want us to get back together. And I know you still love me.”

Closing the distance between them, Joel’s lips covered hers and he could taste the saltiness of her tears against his lips. Brushing his lips against hers again and again, Joel attempted to show her with everything that he had how much he loved her.

Unhurriedly, he pulled his lips away from hers and motioned her to wait for a moment. Standing to his feet, he watched her eyes follow his movements. Bending over, he picked up the guitar that she had bought him all those years ago for their anniversary. Spotting what he was holding had her breathing growing uneven and she lowered her head.

“What are you doing?” she stammered trying to wipe at her eyes with the back of her hand. Motioning her to wait, Joel dragged the chair that was in front of the desk out. Carefully lowering down into the seat, Joel strummed at his guitar a little and cleared his throat.

“It’s been a while since I’ve done this. Y’know. Play in front of someone,” Joel explained tapping his fingers against the guitar slightly. “Just alone to myself.”

Keeping her eyes locked on Joel, she heard the cords that he started playing having it take her breath away. It had been so long since she had last heard Joel play the guitar. After things it seemed like he wrote it off completely, but it was always one of the things that drew her to Joel.

“If I ever were to lose you, I’d surely lose myself. Everything I have found dear, I’ve not found by myself,” Joel seemed to stumble a bit over his words while he tried to gather himself and sing for her the song that he was drawn to when he thought of her. “Try and sometimes you’ll succeed to make this man of me. All my stolen missing parts, I’ve no need for anymore.”

Swallowing down hard, it felt like the room was spinning around her while he continued to sing in his deep rumble of a southern drawl, “I believe and I believe ‘cause I can see our future days. Days of you and me.”

Bracing her hands over the sides of the chair she was in, she felt her heart racing and her lips parting, “Back when I was feeling broken, I focused on a prayer. You came deep as any ocean. Did something out there hear? All the complexities and games, no one wins but still they’re played. All the missing crooked hearts, they may die but in us they live on.”

Sitting forward, she felt like the breath was leaving her lungs when Joel started singing the chorus again. There was a whole lot of crying with her body shaking, “When hurricanes and cyclones raged, when wind turned to dirt to dust, when floods they came or tides they raised, even closer became us. All the promises at sundown, I’ve meant them like the rest. All the demons used to come ‘round, I’m grateful that they left.”

Tightening her grip around the arms of the chair, Y/N felt lost in herself with her body tremoring, “So persistent in my ways, hey angel, I am here to stay. No resistance, no alarms. Please, this is just too good to be gone.”

As Joel came to the final chorus, Y/N pushed up from the chair and started to make her way through the planetarium toward the door with Joel fumbling through the chords, “Hey!”

“What Joel?” she turned on her heel, throwing her hands up in the air with Joel setting the guitar against the desk. Sobbing made her feel pathetic, but that’s what she was doing right now. “What is this Joel?”

“I was just trying to show you how much I loved you,” Joel reasoned with her stepping through the room, holding his hands out to plead with her not to run off. “I love you. So fucking much.”

“You are fucking with my emotions so bad,” she explained to him, her words broken with her shaking her head. “Do you know how long I waited for you to do something like this? How I prayed that you would realize that you didn’t want that divorce? Do you know how much it broke my heart that I made you miserable?”

“I made a horrible, awful mistake,” Joel stressed, still crying himself stepping before her with a frown. Joel wasn’t much of a crier, so the fact that he was crying? That took her breath away and surprised her. “I was wrong. I know what I did and I understand why you are feeling the way you are, but we’re soulmates you and I. Destined to be together.”

“I loved you so much. I tried so hard to make you happy because I knew what life stole from you,” she whimpered with Joel taking slow steps toward her. Shakily reaching out to grab his hands with hers, Joel’s thumbs stroked over the backs of her hands with him nodding. “Life was hard for me too Joel. I didn’t want this life when I was younger, but I grew to love this life because I love you so much. And if I had you, I knew I’d be okay because you were everything to me. I gave everything to make you happy.”

“I know you did,” Joel acknowledged with a firm nod of his head. “I was blind to things then, but now I see everything you did for me. No one supported me and did for me what you have. We were the perfect couple. Even this town saw it. I’ve never been good with my emotions, but with you I had them. I just closed myself off again like I did growing up. I never got to mourn the loss of my parents or the loss of my future. I had to step into the role of dad with Tommy when I was eighteen. I had to be the strong one, the cold one. Cus’ Tommy was the one that was the younger one. He’d be the one growing up without his parents. Cheated from a life that I did get. Then I became a dad not long after. I lost myself and I hurt you.”

“I’m sorry Joel,” she shook her head, attempting to leave only to have Joel reach out to pull her to him. Having her fall in against his chest, Joel palmed in over the side of her face drawing her lips to his again. Passionately he kissed her, his fingers curling around the back of her neck with each caress growing hungrier between them.

“Please, I love you so much,” Joel stammered against her lips, walking forward to lead her toward the wall. Pressing her back against it, Joel was eager to kiss her as intimately as possible. With her melting in against him, he could tell that she was falling for it further.

Allowing his kisses to tamper off over her jawline had her palming down over the center of his chest. Sliding his hand down over the side of her body, Joel took his time calming her knowing that she was emotional. Pressing his body in closer to hers, Joel swept his fingers down over the exposed part of her shoulder and pulled back slightly. Hovering his lips over hers, he knew that she was still emotional with him drawing his thumb across her bottom lip. Kissing at the pad of his thumb, her eyes came to a tight close having Joel’s pulse leaping in his throat.

Tugging at the material of the bottom of her dress, Joel got it hiked up enough to reach for her panties beneath pushing them down her legs. His Adam’s apple bounced in his throat when they dropped to her ankles. Curling his arm under her thigh, he lifted her leg and slid his fingers underneath her knee. Adjusting her other leg allowed her to step out of the material and he licked his lips.

“Just give me another chance,” Joel whispered, his forehead pressing against hers. Lowering her leg back, Joel reached for her hands and hooked his fingers with hers. Leading them to his belt had her letting out a tremoring breath. “I know you still love me and I still love you. The two of us are meant to be together.”

Dragging his thumb across her bottom lip, Joel teased her with the idea of kissing her. At first her fingers dragged across his belt and he could see the contemplation in her eyes, “It’s okay.”

Shakily pulling apart his belt, she tugged at the material and then undid the button in his pants. Pulling down the zipper was all he needed to know that this was okay. Bringing their lips together again, Joel kissed her and pressed his body in closer to hers.

“There is no one that makes me feel the way you do,” Joel slurred against her bottom lip, peppering it with wet kisses. In his arms, her body was tremoring and there were no doubts about the way that she felt toward him. “Nothing hurt more than seeing you crying the other day knowing it was because of me. Because I love you. I love you so much and I hate that I did what I did. I regret it every day.”

“How do I know that this isn’t like the other times?” she whimpered, her head tipping back with Joel starting to kiss down over her jawline. Closing her eyes, she purred out at the sensation of his lips caressing at her flesh. After so long together, Joel knew exactly what to do to get her to turn to mush in the palm of his hand.

“Does this feel like the other times?” Joel inquired, cupping her face in the warmth of his hands. Sweeping his thumbs against her face, Joel leaned into nuzzle his nose in against hers. “I mean what I say Y/N. I’m lost without you. You’re all I can think about. I go to sleep thinking about you. I wake up thinking about you…”

Crying out, she bit down on her bottom lip when Joel’s hand palmed in between her thighs. Swallowing down hard, Joel was quick to push his pants down to the bottom of his waist. Bracing his weight, Joel picked her up in his arms and pressed her firmly back against the wall. Getting her to wrap her legs around his waist, Joel’s eyelids grew heavy with her right arm wrapped around his shoulders and her left hand brushing through his hair.

“All I see is you…” Joel whispered, capturing her lips with his again. Each kiss grew stronger with his hips faintly bucking up against her. Breaking away for a moment, Joel lowered his head releasing a grunt when he lined his body up with her entrance. Sinking unhurriedly into the warmth of her body had his lips parting, a small whine escaping her throat with him entering her again. It was so hard for Joel not to fall apart right then and there. Maybe it was from all the emotions, but just having the warmth of her surrounding him again had his heart racing. There was a sense of euphoria that flooded into her features with her head tipping back. Starting to roll his hips from under her, Joel had her body bouncing upward with every thrust that he made. Hovering his lips over hers, the warmth of his breath had chills running down her spine. A rumble of a growl escaped his throat with her fingertips tugging at his dark hair. “We were made for one another. No matter what the world throws at us, it’s always gonna lead me back to you and you back to me.”

Unsteadily breathing, Joel nuzzled his nose in against the side of her neck with her wrapping her arms around his shoulders to brace herself. Wincing, Joel’s thrusts were slow and steady. Unlike the last time where he completely had his way with her. More than anything he wanted this to mean something. To be special in a way that the last few times hadn’t been between them. He wanted to show her that he loved her. That she was special to him.

“I love you,” Joel slurred against the side of her neck, grunting with his thrusts growing harder. Faint gasps escaped her lips with her caressing her fingers against his scalp. More than anything, he wanted to hear her say it back in the moment. Tipping his head back just enough, Joel’s dark eyes linked with hers. Pressing his forehead against hers. “Tell me you love me.”

“Joel,” she panted, her eyes closing shut tightly with his thrusts becoming more prominent. Clinging tightly to him, she whined out his name.

“Please,” he begged, nibbling at her bottom lip with their bodies moving together in unison.

“I love you,” she whispered, her eyes fluttering to an open with his movements coming to a halt. Joel’s beautiful eyes gazed over her lips and she knew by his expression that it was everything that he wanted to hear.

Carefully lowering one of her legs down to the ground, he hooked his arm underneath it while keeping the other leg wrapped firmly around his hips. Pressing closer to her, this helped Joel’s movements become steadier, more fluid. After hearing her say the words that he asked of her, Joel couldn’t stop kissing her. Flooding her with all the passion that he had inside of him.

“You are so beautiful,” Joel whispered against her earlobe after he broke away from their kisses allowing them to now trail over her jawline. “You’ve always been so beautiful.”

Drawing her back to him with his kisses, Joel’s thrusts grew unsteady with her breaths growing sharp against his, “I want to be the reason you smile again. I want to be the reason you’re happy, not the reason that you’re miserable.”

Settling his free hand in over the small of her back, Joel’s winces grew louder with every thrust. Whimpering, her head dropped back against the wall allowing him to kiss down over the side of her neck. Nipping at her chin, Joel growled out and felt his body tensing up.

“I miss you so much,” Joel captured her lips in a lingering kiss, plunging his manhood into her with uneven movements. His thrusts became more desperate. His body tensing up beneath her while she rocked her hips against his movements.

Dropping his left hand, he cupped her bottom in his grasp. Her cries grew louder, vibrating against his lips as he stole kiss after kiss from her. Soon his thrusts slowed down but were extremely prominent with the warmth of his release starting to fill her. Groaning out, Joel bit faintly at her bottom lip as he continued to buck up against her until his movements came to a complete halt.

Falling in against her, Joel’s breathing was loud and uneven. Usually she wasn’t this quiet during or after things, but it seemed like she was trying to catch her breath with their bodies still pressed together. Lowering her leg, Joel grunted when he felt her pressing into his stomach. By the pressure she was able to get him to step back. With his body pulling from hers, it had her eyes coming to a tight close. Trying to gather herself, she started pushing at the material of her dress doing her best to get it back into place. Once she did, she fell back against the wall, sliding down it until she was sitting completely on the floor.

“Y/N?” Joel breathed out her name, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. Noticing the expression over her face, Joel realized it wasn’t all that happy and he started to work his pants back up over his body. Pushing his softening length back into his pants, Joel adjusted himself before zipping the material together. Buttoning his pants, Joel left the belt unhooked when he lowered down in beside her. Both of their breathing was labored and he didn’t know what to say. Truthfully? The silence was eating away at him.

“There are no cameras in here, right?” she wondered, looking around the classroom to see if there were cameras that were there. In the past, she knew that there wasn’t, but it had been a very long time since they went to school here.

“No,” Joel shook his head, shakily brushing his fingers through his hair surprised that it was the first question she asked him.

“And no one was here to see that?” she seemed worried that they would have been caught having sex in the middle of the school.

“It’s just us in here right now. The guy that runs this program owed me a favor. Taught me how to use it and then the janitor let me into the building. I got permission to do this whole thing,” Joel explained to her the process of what he had to do in order to have this moment with them. Waving his hand about in the air, Joel felt his chest tightening when it looked like she was still upset with him. “I have keys to lock up afterwards.”

“We shouldn’t have done that here,” she stammered, her eyes staring out toward the seats in the distance.

“It’s not the first time we had sex in this building. The two of us would sneak off all the time when we were younger,” Joel reminded her with a weak smile, nudging her slightly with his arm, but it didn’t have the kind of reaction that he was hoping from her. “Y/N? What’s wrong?”

“This isn’t fair Joel,” she responded, staring out into the room refusing to look at him in that moment. Shakily, her fingers brushed back her hair. Right now? She seemed to be more upset than she was before all of this. “I waited four years for you to decide that you made a mistake. So many nights I laid awake thinking that you would show up on the doorstep apologizing about the mistake that you made. And when you’d show up to sleep with me, I’d think that was it, but it never was. You know that I love you and you know how to play me like a fiddle. Hell, like you said I’ve been in love with you since I was a child.”

“I didn’t…” Joel started to defend himself, but she held her hand up in the air to stop him from talking any further. By what she was saying, it felt like she thought he was doing the same kind of thing with her right now and that wasn’t the case at all.

“I am so fucking broken because I love you,” she declared with a whimper, reaching up to wipe at her eyes knowing that he was confused with her response. “Whether you like him or not, Negan is the perfect guy. Wants me to be happy. Goes out of his way to make me feel good. And I just had sex with you because the girl in me that is head over heels in love with you has been waiting to hear everything you just said for so long.”

Her hands were trembling as she spoke, the look in her eyes miserable when she turned to look at Joel with a newfound sadness that caused that ache at the center of his chest to grow further, “I can’t help, but think that you only did this because now there is someone else that genuinely cares about me. For so long it was only you, but now that there is Negan…”

“That’s not true,” Joel refuted with a frown outstretching his hand to curl his fingers in underneath her jaw to get her to look at him. “It’s not true because we started this back at the village and I didn’t even know Negan was there.”

“Joel, that day at the village was just like all the other times we’ve slept together since we’ve been separated. You’d come to me when you were horny and you wanted to get laid. You’d say exactly what I needed to hear or wanted to hear and I’d fall for it every time,” she reminded him hearing Joel huffing out and out of the corner of her eyes she noticed the way that his face scrunched up. “Why wait to do this until after Negan? If you missed me, if you loved me, why wait until now?”

“I don’t know, but it’s not because of Negan,” Joel declared placing his hand in over the center of his chest to stress his sincerity. “And I didn’t only come to you to sleep with you because I was horny and I wanted to get laid.”

“You always left before the children came home or woke up Joel when we’d sleep together in the past,” she hissed, her eyes full of tears again when she turned her head to stare out at him. Seeing her hurt again was tearing his heart out because he thought what he had just done was everything she needed to hear. Shaking her head, she tried to gather her emotions but she was having a hard time doing that. Misery was flooding throughout Joel’s whole body with no idea how to fix all of this. “I think right now you truly believe that you love me. That I’m the one for you. But I think it’s because before now, I was always an option. Someone that was here waiting for you to realize your mistake. Now that I have Negan in my life? I think you’re panicking. So you’re feeling these emotions so strongly.”

“I understand why you would think that,” Joel threw his hands out in a pleading motion, “but I started feeling this way long before Negan showed up. The day we did our gingerbread family I…” Joel swallowed down hard knowing that this was going to sound creepy. “When I went upstairs, I saw that the door to our bedroom was open. I went in there and I crawled into our bed. Laid in my spot because I missed it Y/N. I missed you then.”

“Then why didn’t you do all of this then?” she whimpered, her voice breaking after she asked him that question. So many thoughts were flooding through his mind, but he couldn’t focus on the right one that he knew would get her to believe him. “I don’t think you’re evil or purposely out to hurt me Joel. I don’t even think you did this purposely. I think it was your fear that I might not be here as a backup that has you acting out like this. You’re a good man Joel Miller, and I’ve always known that. But? You’re just not good for me.”

“Tess and I broke up because I was still in love with you,” Joel confessed to her, his eyebrows furrowing when he tried to appeal to her. “She wanted more from me, but I couldn’t give it to her because my heart…it still belonged to you. I was just pretending with everyone else because I thought I had to experience what I didn’t when I was a kid, but I realized it was you that I wanted to be with.”

“Joel, we slept together when you were with Tess. You could have left her at any time and I would have welcomed you back with open arms,” she defended her actions right now with being so upset. “It’s so hard to believe what you are saying right now.”

“Because I hurt you in the past, that’s what you’re focusing on, but it’s not true,” Joel promised, his voice broken when he desperately shook his head from side to side. “You’re it for me. I know you are. And I’ve felt this way for a while. Before Negan even showed up because at the village…”

“You fucked me so hard that I felt it all night and into the morning,” she interrupted him having him go silent with his defense. “There was no romance there. You wanted to have raunchy dirty sex and I don’t think you cared who I was in that moment. You fucked me so hard Joel and it wasn’t sex from a man that loved me. It was a man that wanted to use my body to get a release. One that he likely hadn’t had in a while.”

Groaning out, Joel buried his head into his hand and felt his body shaking, “I’m lonely and I miss you Y/N.”

“I believe that you’re lonely,” she agreed with him having his saddened chocolate brown eyes meeting hers when he turned his head to gaze out at her. “You know, the day you told me you wanted a divorce is the day that you left. I remember thinking back then you were just stressed out and overwhelmed. I just thought you were saying it to say it. To scare me into thinking I was actually going to lose you. I thought you just needed some time to calm down. So I let you go with Tommy. I never cried harder than I did that night. And when you came to get your things, I begged you to reconsider. I didn’t understand the mistake I had made. What I did wrong. I gave up my life just like you did. The second we got divorced, Tess suddenly showed up…”

“I didn’t cheat,” Joel started to fight watching her nod her head. “I didn’t!”

“I believe you, but it didn’t stop you from finding someone as soon as we got divorced,” she recalled the pain that she felt when he was with Tess. How quickly he had found someone else always broke her heart. “You threw Tess in my face every chance you could. Maybe you didn’t even mean it. Maybe you loved her so much that…”

“I never told Tess that I loved her,” Joel interrupted her shaking his head when she rambled about his ex that he had broken up with months ago. “I never did.”

“Does that even matter? You still chose to be with her over me. It killed me to see you with her, but I didn’t try to break the two of you up. When you came to me, I thought you were picking me and you would come back to me. I was a bad person when I slept with you when you were with her,” she condemned herself thinking about some of the worst moments of her life. Back then she was so desperate to have Joel back that she would have done anything to make him happy. “Right now, I believe you firmly think that you love me and you want to be with me again, but I know how you were when you were with me and I’m not your happiness.”

“I’m nothing without you,” Joel pled as she pulled herself up into a standing position. Looking up at her with misery in his eyes, Joel threw his hands up in the air. “My heart breaks every day I wake up and you’re not in my arms. I miss when it was the four of us. Waking up, having breakfast with the four of us…my heart yearns for that. I want to be with you with everything that I am. My chest fucking hurts when I think about you because I love you and I’m heartbroken.”

“You don’t know what heartbroken is,” she scoffed, lowering her head when Joel started to sob where he was seated. “You know what? That was mean. I’m sure you do. But not when it comes to me,” she went to leave with Joel reaching for her hand again, but she forcefully pulled it away from him. “Don’t!”

“Please,” Joel got to his knees, holding his hands up in a begging motion. “Please give me another chance. I can prove it to you. Don’t do this to me. Please?”

“Do you think I like seeing you like this? I love you Joel and I have loved you all along. I will always love you Joel, but you shattered my heart. You broke it so bad that I don’t even know if I can ever piece it back together,” she whimpered, her sobs drawing her words to slur together. “Do you remember how you got me to sign the divorce papers?”

Dropping his head, Joel bit down on his bottom lip and his hands fell at his sides into fists, “You told me that you were suffering. That every day you were with me you woke up wanting to kill yourself because you hated your life so much. You told me that the only chance you had at being happy was trying to do something new with your life. What happens if we get back together and I wake up one day to find that you aren’t here because of me? Because I make you that miserable.”

“You’re the only thing that holds me together,” Joel stated with something that resembled a whine. Right now Joel looked defeated on his knees before her. “Nothing I say is going to make you take me back. Is it? I’ll never be good enough for you.”

“You were always good enough for me,” her bottom lip trembled, lowering down before Joel to trace her fingers over the hard lines of Joel’s face. “Joel Miller, I’m going to love you until the day I die. Nothing will change that because I love you so much. But I will never forget the things you told me. And I think the healthiest thing for the both of us is to stay apart. We’re toxic together Joel. I don’t make you happy. And I love you enough to know that. But you’ll never lose me. I’ll always be in your life. With our children? We’ll never be out of each other’s lives.”

Bracing her hands against his shoulders, she caressed over them and leaned forward to bring their lips together in a tender sweep. When she pulled away, Joel’s palm caressed down over the side of her face, “It’s not a question of if I love you Joel. We both know that I do. It’s just knowing what’s best for the both of us.”

Nuzzling her nose in against his, she stroked her fingers over the side of his face taking a moment to comfort him with him so upset. Shakily standing to her feet had his dark eyes lifting to watch her back step toward the door.

“Let me take you home,” Joel reasoned with her, going to get up but she was quick to shake her head. Guilt was eating away at him, his whole body aching after the way this turned out. “No one is here to drive you home. You’re only wearing that dress. You’re gonna get sick.”

“I’m stronger than I look,” she shrugged her shoulders letting out a long sigh knowing right now she felt like she needed an incredible amount of punishment for everything she did tonight not only to Joel, but also what she did to Negan. “I’ll call Tommy and let him know what happened so he can expect you home soon.”

“Something tells me even if I asked you not to, you still would,” Joel commented, lowering back down to his ass letting out a long huff when he wiped at his tear-stained face. “So do whatever you have to do I ‘spose.”

Standing at the doorway, Y/N felt her chest aching seeing how devastated Joel looked, but at the end of the day she knew this was the best for the both of them.

----

At first it sounded like a faint knocking sound that awakened Negan from his slumber. It was late into the middle of the night and he was barely awake. Turning his head, Negan groaned out and buried his head into his pillow further. Hoping to drown out the sounds. Right now he was at the home he had rented to stay in town for the holidays. Truthfully? The house was incredibly noisy and he figured it was because it was an older home. Over the last couple of weeks, Negan had gone back and forth between this rental and his mother’s home so he wasn’t completely used to this place yet. That sound? He just thought it was old pipes.

Gradually the sounds started to get louder which had Negan pushing his hands into the bed to sit up slowly. Rubbing his hand down over his face, it took a minute for him to realize that it was someone knocking. Gazing over at the time, he let out a stressed breath seeing that it was way too late for someone to be at his home. Then again, when he was at his other places he never put it past a fan to try to show up at his home unannounced.

Getting up slowly, he stumbled through the darkness of the bedroom. Flicking the light on helped just enough but hurt his tired eyes. Rubbing at them, he yawned and made his way down the hallway toward the front door. Stepping in front of the door, he looked out the window after struggling to push away the curtain covering the door.

Suddenly, his heart kickstarted in his chest when he realized who was standing outside his door. Pulling it open, Negan clung tightly to the door and felt his heart racing, “Y/N, what the hell are you doing?”

Instead of saying anything, she just stood before him silent. Visibly freezing and standing before him in nothing but a red gown. Reaching out, his warm hands grabbed a hold of her wrists that were dropped down at her sides. Urging her into his rental home, Negan closed the door behind them. Palming up over her arms toward her shoulders, Negan realized that her flesh was freezing beneath his touch.

“You’re freezing. What’s going on?” Negan questioned, motioning her to wait a moment. Moving over toward the couch, he swiftly grabbed the blanket that he had left there earlier. Rushing back to her, he wrapped the blanket around her shivering body. Caressing it over her shoulders, he tried to get her to warm up. “Did you walk all the way here wearing just that?”

“Yeah,” she was honest causing an immediate worry to fill Negan’s eyes. Stumbling over to the fireplace, Negan worked quickly to get the fireplace started. Guilt ate away at her knowing that Negan was doing everything in his power to get the fire started for her as fast as he could. “You don’t have to worry about this Negan. I need to talk to you.”

“And we’ll talk once we get this fire started, get you some new clothes and something hot to drink,” Negan grunted after he finally got the fire lit. Moving around her, Negan dragged one of the chairs in the living room close to the fireplace. Grabbing her hands in his, Negan led her toward the chair and got her to sit down. Right now she was uncontrollably shivering, but she didn’t care about herself. Attempting to stand up had Negan shaking his head and forcing her back down. “Stay!”

Instead of fighting, she obeyed and heard him rushing down the hallway. Shuffling sounds were heard and it didn’t take long for him to be running back into the living room. Holding some clothes out to her, Negan saw her eyeing them over. For some reason she wasn’t taking them evoking a grunt from his lips. Lowering down, Negan pulled the blanket carefully from her body after he set the clothes aside. Hooking his arms underneath her armpits, Negan was gentle in the way that he pulled her up to her feet. Using his strength, Negan made sure that she was comfortably on her feet before he started to work the dress from her body.

Nothing about this was sexual. If anything? He was incredibly caring and sweet in the way that he was helping her. Getting the damp material from her body seemed to be his number one priority. And once he did? The material dropped to the ground with a wet thud. Even though she was naked, Negan didn’t take advantage of it. Instead he motioned her to lift her arms up for him. When she did, he helped pull one of his heavier sweatshirts down over her upper half. Grabbing his boxer shorts that he snagged from his dresser, Negan helped get each leg through before pulling them up her body. Once he was done, he did the same thing with a pair of his sweatpants and was unhurried in the way that he tied the knot in them.

“Come here,” Negan wrapped her up in his arms as soon as he was done. Holding her tightly to him, Negan was doing his best to warm her up. She was still shivering and he was worried about her.

“Did something happen?” Negan asked and by the tone of his voice she knew that he thought something horrible had happened to her. “Do I need to call someone? Do we need to go to the hospital?”

“No,” she muttered, burying her head against his shoulder. Even though it was warm, her body was still having a hard time warming up. It was an involuntary action of her body that was craving the warmth of his body against hers as she cuddled in closer to him. “I did this to myself Negan. I walked here from the high school. It was my own choice.”

“The high school?” Negan repeated, tipping back enough to stare down at her with a strained expression. “Why were you at the high school. No, fucking scratch that. Why did you walk all the way from the high school through the freezing weather in the snow to this fucking house? You should have called me. I would have picked you up.”

“I was punishing myself,” she spoke quietly having his head tip to the side. His eyebrows furrowed with his lips parting. It looked like he wanted to say something, but when he went to he stopped himself because he didn’t understand. “I’m a horrible person Negan. For so many reasons.”

“No you’re not,” Negan denied that statement immediately, shaking his head with him cupping her face in the warmth of his palms.

“I am,” she insisted having Negan scoff at her stubbornness. They probably could have gone back and forth like children at this point. It was late. She was freezing. They were both tired, but the worst of it was that she was emotional in all of this.

“You’re not a terrible person. And whatever you think you’ve done wrong, it’s not worth getting sick and dying when you have two children that need you,” Negan reminded her of Elizabeth and Peter who were likely at Joel and Tommy’s home. In her mind, all Y/N could picture was Joel coming home miserable to the children. If they knew how devastated she made their father, she was certain that they would hate her for tonight. Their father was everything to them. And she broke Joel’s heart. Instead of responding, a cry fell from her lips. Worried about her, Negan shook his head and motioned her to sit back down. “Stay here.”

“Negan,” she tried to call out to him after he had helped her back into the seat. There was some clanking coming from the kitchen. With him gone, she could focus on the warmth of the fire surrounding her. It was something her body needed as she wrapped the blanket around her shoulders, pulling it close. Cuddling it closer to her body, she closed her eyes and tried to focus on anything other than how Joel sobbed because of her tonight. The sound of footsteps dragging across the floor was heard drawing her eyes to open. In her face was a mug that Negan was holding out to her. With an expecting glance, Negan nodded down toward it and cleared his throat. He wasn’t going to take no for an answer. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Negan responded after she took the mug from him. Not drinking the warm liquid inside, she allowed the glass to warm her hands. That felt better than anything in the moment. Finally looking Negan over, she noticed that he was shirtless and he was in a pair of gray boxer briefs. His right knee had a compression sleeve over it that made her throat go dry. “Are you going to tell me what happened?”

“You’re limping and you’re wearing your brace,” she avoided his question, her eyes gazing him over with him glaring down at her. Folding his arms in front of his chest, Negan’s stare made her remember all over again what it was like when he would get upset with her when they were younger. Right now? She was more worried about him. “Does your knee hurt?”

“Yeah, after tearing my ACL it doesn’t feel all that good in the cold weather,” Negan responded lowering his head to stare down at the brace that his doctor gave him to wear to help him heal with his injury. “Now how about you start talking to me about what’s going on? Why did you almost kill yourself walking here like you did?”

“Because I deserve worse?” she was getting emotional with Negan’s features softening. That was the last thing she wanted from Negan right now. Empathy was not something she deserved after what she did tonight. “I did something really bad.”

“Listen,” Negan groaned out as he lowered down to his knees to kneel before her in the chair she was seated in. Even though he was trying to hide it, Negan winced when he got down onto his knees. Trying to hide the pain from her. “Whatever you did? It’s not worth you freezing to death.”

There were tears burning in her eyes when she lowered her head forcing herself not to look at him. He was so tender and caring with her that she knew it would be hard to even tell him what had happened. Lacking bravery, she swallowed down hard and felt her body trembling.

“Did you kill someone?” Negan inquired with a simple shrug of his shoulders. With how shaken up she was, Negan felt like he was going to have to guess what had happened. “The rental has a shovel. Fuck, if you tell me where the body is I can help you bury it.”

“Knock it off,” she snorted hating that she laughed at his suggestion. Staring down at the hot chocolate that he had made for her, she felt an overwhelming sense of guilt eating away at her.

“Did someone hurt you?” Negan was quiet in the way that he asked her. By the tone of his voice, she knew that he was asking if someone assaulted her and she shook her head. If anything? She was the bad one for what she had done to Joel. “If someone hurt you, I’ll fucking kill them.”

“Negan,” she carefully set her mug aside, making sure that it wouldn’t spill before turning her attention back to Negan. Sliding forward in the chair, she shakily reached up to cup Negan’s face in her hands. Even though his face was warm, he didn’t turn away from her cold touch because he was too concerned for her. “You have always been perfect. And I haven’t.”

“I’m the furthest thing from perfect,” Negan breathed out, his long eyelashes fluttering to a close with her touching him. Turning his head into her palm, Negan deposited a kiss over the inside of her wrist which had her shuddering. “If you knew half of the bad shit about me, you probably wouldn’t be here right now. I’m not a good man.”

“I wouldn’t care what you’ve done,” she alerted him having his eyes lazily open with him staring out at her longingly. “You’ve always been my hero. The best part of me and I’ve let you down every time. I’ve hurt you so many times…”

“Hey…” Negan lifted up further with her crying harder, clear tension in his features from the pain that he was feeling in his knee but he was risking it to check on her. “What happened?”

“You’re not going to want to be around me after I tell you,” she insisted with a whimper knowing that what she had done tonight was a sure way to lose everything that she had just gained with Negan. It broke her heart to know, but what happened tonight happened. There was no avoiding it. He needed to know what she had done with Joel. Even though she considered what happened with Joel tonight a ‘goodbye’, it still happened when she was having the relationship that she had started with Negan. What hurt the most about this whole thing is that she slept with Joel knowing that she had a good thing going with Negan.

“Let me be the judge of that,” he suggested, tipping his head from side to side. Lifting up, he grabbed her hands and squeezed them tightly. “I want us to be as honest as possible with each other. So just say whatever you need to say.”

“I came home from work tonight to see a peony, a dress and a note at the center of my bed,” she began, forcing herself to keep her eyes locked on Negan. Hearing that had the lines in Negan’s forehead becoming more visible. “The note told me to be ready by a certain time. That a car would pick me up…I thought it was you. It was just like something you would have done.”

“Okay,” Negan waited for more information, still stroking his fingers over the back of her hands.

“The car drove me to the high school and there were these signs that led to the planetarium. Another note told me to sit in the front row and the lights started up,” she recalled everything that happened knowing that she should have just blurted out what she did, but she was going into far more details than need be. “It was beautiful. I waited for you to come out, but then I realized it was Joel that did it.”

“Oh, I see where this is going,” Negan nodded his head about, biting down on his bottom lip. “It’s okay.”

“You don’t even know what I’m going to say,” she countered having Negan’s Adam’s apple bounce in his throat. With a simple shake of his head, Negan exhaled loudly and she found herself surprised by his immediate response. “He did this really romantic speech about the first time he fell in love with me. And then he sang me this song…”

There were more tears growing from her eliciting a hushing sound from Negan who outstretched his hand to caress over the side of her face to sweep away the tears, “It’s okay. I understand. Joel is your ex-husband and I know you still love him. If you are back with him, I’ll just deal with it. I got to have you for a very short amount of time, but it was better than never having you.”

“Negan,” she frowned hating that he was being so polite about things. “We had something going and I slept with Joel…”

“What do you want me to say?” Negan’s face was scrunched up, his voice raspier than normal. “Do you want me to yell at you? Because we weren’t putting a label on whatever this was. I knew how you felt about Joel and…”

“I’m a bitch,” she snapped at Negan who snickered. Frustration flooded her veins with him drawing his tongue out across his bottom lip.

“And I’m an asshole,” Negan declared, slowly releasing her hands and throwing his arms up in the air. “So what? I can’t be mad at you for being in love with Joel. You were married to him for a long time and you’ve been in love with him for so much fucking longer. You don’t have to cry over the fact you’re back together with Joel. I’m gonna care about you regardless.”

“I’m not back together with Joel,” she sighed loudly, lifting her hands to wipe at her face again. There was no doubt that she looked terrible right now, but she didn’t care. “I broke his heart too. I think by allowing us to sleep together he thought I would give us another chance. I didn’t. We’re toxic together and I know that. I told him that. I told him that I only wanted to be friends with him.”

Arching his eyebrow in curiosity, Negan’s jaw clenched hearing her starting to cry harder, “I did to you what I did when we were younger. I fell for Joel’s lure he has on me again and I slept with him. I cheated on you.”

“You didn’t cheat on me when we weren’t officially dating,” Negan hinted shaking his head and dragging his fingers through his short beard. “I mean…if that’s the case, I cheated on you too.”

“You slept with someone else?” she was surprised to hear that having Negan’s head movements being incredibly dramatic. “Who?”

“I didn’t technically sleep with anyone. But I jerked off this morning thinking about Lucille,” Negan answered eliciting a groan and an eye roll from her. “I was in the shower, it was morning, my dick was hard. I jerked off thinking about her, so technically I cheated on you too if you’re counting sleeping with Joel as cheating.”

“You’re such a fucking liar,” she grumbled under her breath having Negan crack a big cheesy smile. She didn’t know what she was expecting from Negan, but it certainly wasn’t this. What she thought she deserved was to be treated like shit. Thrown out of the house and to never be contacted again. But instead? He was doing his best to make her smile. “It’s not at all the same thing.”

“I was imagining my fist was a pussy, so I mean…” Negan reasoned with her having her drop her head back against the chair in frustration. “A nice, tight, wet pussy.”

“You’re not helping this. You should be furious with me,” she snorted noticing that he was doing the motion of jerking off with his hand. With how big the gesture was it had her laughing out again. “Stop! You’re making me laugh.”

“I mean, it shouldn’t make you laugh. It’s that big,” Negan pointed to his hand smiling himself when she pushed his hand aside. “Come on. I don’t give a shit that you slept with Joel. I mean, I care. But I’ve been losing out to Joel my whole life. I’ve come to expect it. And we really didn’t make it official between the two of us,” Negan listed off the many reasons that he decided he couldn’t be mad at her. “If Lucille walked through that door and jumped me, I would crumble at the knee and have sex with her,” Negan considered what he said and he cleared his throat. “Then I’d have to consider the fact that I likely just had sex with a zombie, but I’d still hit it.”

“Jesus Negan,” she shoved into his shoulder having him snorting. Dropping back onto his ass, he stretched out his legs and braced his weight on his palms behind him on the floor. “You are everything I want. You’re everything I’ve longed for from Joel for years. You make me happy. You make me so fucking happy…”

“Then what’s the problem?” Negan stammered, his hazel eyes trying to figure out what was going on right now. There was so much going on inside of her head and Negan knew that she was torturing herself with her thoughts. “What is it you want Y/N?”

“You need to yell at me,” she demanded having Negan sigh loudly. “Yell at me. Get furious.”

“Why?” Negan wasn’t sure why that would help her in the position that she was in. “Is it going to help you to have me scream at you?”

“No, but it’s what I deserve. Because you are so fucking perfect,” she stressed, her words lingering a little long because of the way she was crying. “So please, just scream at me. Yell at me. Do something other than try to make me feel better.”

“How fucking dare you,” Negan spoke in a fake, condescending tone. “Your ex-husband that you are still very much in love with did something romantic and you ended up sleeping with him because of it. I’m fucking furious with you.”

“Negan!” she hissed at him having Negan roll his eyes dramatically. Instead of being angry with her, he was giving her an excuse for what she did. That’s not what she wanted at all because she felt like a terrible person for all of this.

“I am so fucking mad at you!” Negan raised his voice, his face scrunching up. Once his features softened, he threw his right hand up and waited for her response. “Was that better? Did you like me yelling at you?”

“Not really,” she was honest hearing him laugh. Biting down on his bottom lip, Negan sighed and took a long pause to think about what he was going to say.

“If you wanted me to scream at you endlessly and have a fucking shit fit, I’m not gonna,” Negan declared pressing his right hand in over his chest. “I understand. I get being in love with someone. I am kinda fucking pissed at Joel for letting you leave looking like that though.”

“I broke his heart,” she replied back blowing off the idea that Joel did anything wrong. “He offered to drive me home, but I just shattered his soul by telling him that I don’t think we should be together and that we were only meant to be friends.”

Considering everything that had been laid out before him, Negan pulled his legs up and wrapped his arms around his knees, “So now what?”

“What do you mean?” she watched him uncomfortably expecting something so much different to be happening right now.

“I mean what now?” Negan repeated himself, but he could tell that she had a hard time understanding things. “Do you want to get back with Joel?”

“I can’t,” she answered with a loud swallow reaching for her hot chocolate since her hands started to get cold again. “Joel may think he wants to get back with me, but he doesn’t remember how sad and broken he was when we were together. I made him miserable. And he broke my heart. We’re not good together. We made two beautiful babies, we made a life with each other, but he broke it off four years ago. He had four years to show me that he felt this way, but he never did.”

“Do you want to stop having something with me?” Negan brought his finger to the middle of his chest pointing at himself.

“You shouldn’t want to still have something with me,” she reminded him getting his nose to wrinkle up in irritation.

“That doesn’t answer my question,” Negan stressed, patting his chest with his whole hand. “Do you still want to be with me?”

“I hurt you,” she reiterated what she had done having Negan mutter something under his breath. “What?”

“Do you like spending time with me?” Negan inquired noting the way her features softened. Nodding her head, she bit down on her bottom lip and looked away from him. There was that guilt again. “Do you like having sex with me?”

“Negan,” she frowned letting out a small laugh. Why did he have to make a serious situation so lighthearted by the way he acted and said things?

“Answer the questions,” Negan demanded, his voice stronger than he had been most of the night.

“Yes,” she didn’t know where this would get them. Thinking about her answer, Negan licked his lips and cleared his throat.

“Do you want to be my girlfriend? Officially?” Negan wondered having her lips part, surprised to hear that come from his mouth. “Because if you want to be my girlfriend, then that makes it official. Which means neither you nor I can fuck around on each other. It’s putting a label on it now so I can’t feel bad for the things before.”

“Why would you still want to be with me?” she blurt out, flustered that he would even be suggesting that idea.

“Because if you didn’t care about me, if you didn’t love me…you wouldn’t be here right now crying. You walked in the freezing cold through snow to punish yourself because you thought you hurt me,” Negan pointed in the direction of the front door where he found her when she showed up. “You’re here and you’re telling me the truth. And the fact that you did it has you devastated. Because you love me. Part of you still loves Joel and I understand that, but I fucking love you. I’ve always fucking loved you. Knowing that you’re honest with me? Fuck, that’s a big deal. Now if we agree to be official here and Joel pulls something, I can’t promise that I won’t punch him, but since we weren’t official before, I can’t make a big deal out of it.”

“You love me?” she focused on the words he had said having him smile. Groaning in pain, Negan adjusted his body and crawled back toward her to lay his head in her lap after she set the mug down again. Rubbing his head against her thigh had her exhaling loudly, her fingers shakily moving down to brush her fingers through his dark hair.

“It’s not obvious?” Negan stammered, his head lifting up with his eyes staring longingly into hers. “I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember. That kinda love just doesn’t go away.”

Caressing down over the side of his face, she knew that she was getting even more emotional hearing him talking about loving her, “You told me that I make you happy. Well you? You make me so fucking happy. And I love spending time with you and the children. I understand that Joel is always gonna be in our lives. And I accept that.”

“I carry so much baggage,” she reminded him and he laughed.

“I carry crazy fans. Mental trauma. A bum fucking knee and a bad back. Occasionally some paparazzi and reporters,” Negan rambled off all the problems that he knew that came with being with him. “Being with me means that you have to share me with fans. I’ve had serious anger issues in the past. I swear like you can’t believe. I have the humor of a teenage boy. I make crazy amounts of dick jokes all the time. Like, I can’t help it. It’s dick and balls in this immature brain all the fucking time. I have a crazy sex drive where I’ll probably wanna have sex, a lot. I’ve been really romantic with you and I love making things romantic, but some days I’m the break your bed type of wild. I know I’ll get depressed when my career is finally over, but I’ll never take it out on you. I’ll just be…sad. Just like I’m sad about Lucille. I hide my emotions behind a fake smile all the time. So we’re the same. You and me? We’ve gone through so much shit. But I accept you. I want all of you. Broken heart and all. Cus’ you told me that I bring you joy. If I can do that for you from here on out. Then I consider that to be a success.”

“I don’t understand you,” she whimpered with Negan pressing his hands up over the arms of the chair to hover his lips in over hers.

“I don’t understand me either,” Negan agreed with her, a smile tugging at his handsome features drawing attention to his prominent dimples. “So what do you say? Do you wanna officially date me or not? Because either way I can accept your answer. Because either way I wanna still be in your life.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” she claimed, her eyes full of awe for him.

“Then don’t,” Negan breathed out, slowly standing up with a pained sound. Motioning her to stand up, Negan sat down in the chair and then led her to sit in his lap. Wrapping her up in his arms, he got her comfortable enough so she was staring into his eyes. Palming over the side of her face, Negan shrugged his shoulders. “Just tell me if it’s not me that you want to be with. I’m a big boy. I’ll be able to handle it. I’d just like to give us…give this a real chance.”

After considering his offer, she nodded her head and let out a tremoring breath, “Yes.”

“Yes?” Negan was dramatic with the way he bobbed his head about.

“Yes, I want to give this a try,” she responded knowing that it made her a terrible person. Negan deserved better than her. And she knew that. Joel did too, but she knew what her heart longed for. Joel was someone she loved very much, but the way that Negan was? The way he made her feel? That was something she wanted from Joel for years. Yet it was Negan that it came naturally with. “If you’ll take me.”

“Of course I’ll take you,” Negan leaned forward to nuzzle his nose in against hers. “Is this where you expect me to pick you up and throw you in the fire for what you did?”

“That’s not even funny,” she snorted having his wicked laugh follow. “Negan.”

“If it wasn’t funny, why did you laugh?” Negan joked with her, tapping the tip of her nose with his pointer finger. “It was pretty funny.”

There seemed to be something that lingered in Y/N’s eyes when Negan tipped his head back, “What is it?”

“It’ll break Joel’s heart knowing that I still wanted to be with you after everything that he did today,” she thought aloud having Negan pull her in closer to him so she could get more comfortable. “I think it makes me a bad person for letting his hopes get up.”

“We’ll deal with it,” Negan frowned, wrapping his arm around her waist to make sure that she was safely in his lap as he adjusted his legs underneath her. “I’m not gonna fuck with Joel or rub his nose in it. Because that’s not right. But whatever comes our way? We’ll handle it in the best way we can.”

----

Tags: @chainsawsangel @fancypeacepersona @violent-darkness @negansbestie @elegantfanficluv

@sanctuaryforthelost @dead-of-niight @dilfsandmartinis @jennydehavilland

#Negan #Joel Miller #Joel Miller fanfiction #Pedro Pascal #Jeffrey Dean Morgan #Negan fanfiction #Negan x reader #Joel Miller x reader #Negan x you #Joel Miller x you #Joel Miller smut #The Walking Dead #The Last of Us #tlou fanfiction #The Walking Dead fanfiction #twd fanfiction #The Last of Us fanfiction #Negan Smith

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geemakesfanart · 3 days ago

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“��oh! Well- I- no one’s ever asked me that…?” Lady Murder stammered. Suddenly flustered with the attention that she was receiving.

“Really!? But you make it look so easy, it’s amazing!” Magic Jane gasped, and Lady Murder was vividly reminded that the young hero had only been in the job for a couple of weeks. She looked really young actually. Like really, really young. How old was the Heroes Association entrance age, again?

“Thank you…?” Lady Murder, a veteran villain and almost 40 in a few months, was experiencing something new for the first time in years. But she knew how these heroes worked when they were on the back leg, they were tricky, and would to anything to “save the day”. Even flattering a small time evil-doer like her.

“I mean-!” The little hero started “it should have taken years to plan something this big!” “I mean not really?” “Not to mention that each of the platforms should consume huge amounts of energy!” “I mean not really..?” “But they are miraculously going at full power, even now! What battery do they even use!?” “Well, that’s kind of a secret…?” “Honestly, you must be some type of genius!!”

Lady Murder, no, Mya felt something in her worldview shift to the left.

She knew what she was: a dirty westerner who grew crooked and twisted. Like they all do in the end. Because otherwise they die off. Or well, at least they used to, things have been different lately.

And she’s glad! Really! Seeing westerners like her walking down the streets without being killed by some stupid easterners at the first sign of them using their powers. But…

She looks at the little hero before her and, “ do you want me to teach you?”

“-and then I used AI to recognize the mutated gene, yes! I know! Using AI is one of the worst crimes ever! But listen to me-!” and as Lady Murder Mya turned to her young companion she came to the realization.

Magic Jane hadn’t run off, or fought her, or took notes on how to destroy her machines (her babies, her creations).

No.

Instead she had shook off her bindings a long time ago, and decided to take a seat on one of the few chairs near Mya. This stupid child hadn’t even called for reinforcements (because they had been at it for hours now, they really should be here now). She felt herself tear up a little. This hero was clearly too trusting, the world would eat her up in a single bite.

“…what do really want from me?” Mya asked, fingers playing with the edges of the screws in front of her.

And the stupid child, with the same paper white skin that almost looked yellow as Mya (because you never really leave the west), looked at Mya straight into her eyes and said:

“…I want to change the world.”

“How could you?” “I can expla-“ “No, I don’t mean morally. Logistically how could you even pull something like this off?”

#writers #writers on tumblr #writing prompts

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squishyo-o · 1 day ago

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𝓛𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓷𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽, 𝓱𝓾𝓱? 🍬💘

(TOMORROW X TOGETHER)

I love my pretty boys so much and I thought about little scenes with them the night after would be adorable! (And hot too.. ><) enjoy reading moas!! 🩵🫧 (These little writings come with suggestive themes.. not entirely smut! Only roughly the first big chunk.. viewers discretion is advised!)

Yeonjun

Ah.. a night with Yeonjun, eh? Speaking of, the night was completely a blur. You and your boyfriend, Yeonjun, had attended a party How did this even escalate? Well.. you looked good in that dress you picked. A little too good. The way it hugged your curves and shaped your beautiful body.. oh my goodness.. Junie just had to rip it off of you.. went from teasing and dancing, to the two of you rushing home.. you were even a little tipsy so it made the whole experience a lot better. Yeonjun looked hot too, so I guess you guys were thinking the same thing, but.. ah.. yeonjun just couldn’t wait >///< …

You wake up next to a sleeping Yeonjun. Last night was.. interesting… as all the events from last night were recalled into your brain, you couldn’t help but blush. You looked over at Yeonjun who was under all the covers and comforter, and sleeping facing you; Your arms almost touching each other’s skin. Your body feels all warm and soft, along with your scalp and head feeling all fuzzy and warm. You did not want to get out of bed. You went ahead and scooted over just a little so you could gently run your fingers through his hair.

You smiled to yourself seeing your boyfriend sleeping so peacefully. Eventually his body stirred awake; his eyes peaking over the comforter. He softly groaned from having just woken up and placed a gentle hand on your hip. "Hey cutie.." he spoke, voice laced with sleepiness. All you could do was blush and smile, his thumb was now caressing your hip. Yeonjun carefully pulled you in closer and gave you a soft kiss. "I trust I wasn’t too rough? You looked really sexy.." You chuckled and shook your head. "not at all.." Yeonjun’s hand slid up your hip and off your body, then gently cupping your face before giving you a sleepy smirk.

"Is your back okay? I hope I didn’t blow it out too much.. and your legs.. might have to carry you everywhere.." Yeonjun laughed a little. You laughed along with him. "m’fine.. you okay..? I’m pretty sure I marked your back with my nails.." you said. Yeonjun got a little flushed. "s’okay.. I enjoyed it." He said. He gently brushed some hair back behind your ear, all romantic. "You should wear that dress more often.." you rolled your eyes before he gave you a couple of teasing kisses on your face "You know you love me" he giggled. You knew he was right.

Soobin

I tend to think nights with Soobin are.. very interesting. It would always start with the two of you doing something random and then out of the blue, you just randomly want to fuck, so you do. Other times, you guys will be watching a movie and one of you (it’s mainly Soobin) will start teasing the other person and then it turns into being on Soobin’s lap, then heated make out sessions on the couch with the movie completely forgotten, and then getting in the bedroom and Soobin fucking you good. And he’s big too so he always has something to say about that >///< …

Soobin wakes up before you do, looking at your sleeping face in his big hoodie. He totally forgot about the lustful activities you guys did the night before, but now he’s picturing all of them and it’s making him melt. All because you couldn’t keep your hands off of him on that couch. Your cheeks were all soft and relaxed and your lips in a slight pout. You looked so adorable. He shimmied closer to you and wrapped his big n’long arms around you, his whole body almost cocooning yours. He moved his hand and found your stomach, slipping his hand under the hoodie and gently drew circles with his thumb on your bare skin.

Soobin gave your temple a few soft kisses before sighing and shutting his eyes, relaxing his body with yours. You eventually woke up, feeling his big hands holding your body. You turned and shifted so you were facing him, and Soobin had kept your body close to his, the two of your warm bare skins grasing against each other. A soft smile formed on Soobin’s lips as he kissed your forehead. "Morning baby.." he spoke in a deep voice. His morning voice was a lot deeper than his regular, and you found attractiveness in the sound of his voice. "Hi soobie.." you hummed. Soobin gave you another kiss, followed by other kisses on your face and neck. He glanced at all the marks he gave you.

"I marked you up quite a bit.. you okay..?" He asked, thumb caressing one of the marks on your collarbone. You nodded. "M’okay soob.." you yawned, just letting him do whatever. God, soobin could not keep his hands off of you. He was kissing and touching you in some way. "I’ll make us breakfast.. what are you hungry for..?" He asked. You thought about it and shrugged. "Dunno.. surprise me.." you giggled, which earned you a kiss from Soobin. Soobin’s glance went to your boobs. You already know what he’s gonna ask. "Before I go, can I squish them for a little bit..? Please?" Oh soobin… You let him have his way though, his hands moving to your boobs, and gently squeezing. Goodness.. What are you gonna do with this dork?

Beomgyu

Your relationship with Beomgyu had an interesting story. You guys were good friends, but god, everything was a competition. Games, getting candy on Halloween, anything team related, all of it was a challenge between the two of you. The stakes would be pretty high since you guys were so competitive. Sometimes the punishments would get.. interesting. Let it be once that you loose in a videogame and you’ll have Beomgyu’s cock lodged down your hot throat, his hands on the back of your head as he slams his cock in your mouth. Or if you win, for the next 4 rounds, you cockwarm him. He’d only last about 3 before getting fed up and taking the situation into his own hands.. >///<

You and Beomgyu had a long night. One round turned into 2, 2 turned into 3, 3 turned into 4 and by then, turned into Beomgyu wanting to overstimulate the hell out of you. You woke up with bruises and bite marks on your chest, boobs, and probably all over your legs and the rest of your body. When you had woken up, you woke up warm. Beomgyu’s hands were placed on your stomach, just holding you like a teddy bear. You guys are usually all jokes in your relationship. Not like he wasn’t ever romantic with you, but seeing his hands like that was pretty cute.

You went head and placed your hands on top of his, and sighed contently. I guess he was awake before you because he chuckled softly in your ear. "I see you’re pretty comfy gorgeous.." he mumbled, all of his deep sleepy voice in your ear. You quietly hummed in agreement. Beomgyu turned his head to your neck and pressed soft kisses against the bruised and bitten skin. "I wasn’t too rough with you right..?" You shook your head. "It was great. Like it always is.." "of course it was.. my dick is amazing" you turned around and gave his face a light slap. All he did was laugh and kiss your face. "You know i’m not wrong" you glared at him over your shoulder. "Cocky ass" "no pun intended"

You angrily huffed and hit his arm this time, all while he was laughing at his teases toward you. He then hit you back gently which turned into a play fight, then he rolled himself onto you and started tickling your sides. You started touching his ticklish spots on his chest and then eventually stopped with the two of you huffing and laughing on each other. Beomgyu on top of you. "Fuck, I love you so much.." he said. He gave you a kiss and stayed on your stomach for a while. "You think I can beat you again?" "Not a chance." "Really? Wanna bet on it?" Here we go again. "I’m so confident I’ll kick your ass." "Ok, fine then. Loser gets to watch the other make themself cum without interfering."

Taehyun

Oh Taehyun.. a buff and boba eyed man. Very cute, but god is he so hot and he knows for sure. I see him as this university student who’s a nerd and when you get to know him more, he turns out to be the hottest person you’ve ever met. Let’s say the two of you got paired up by your teacher for a project. The two of you agreed to work at his apartment and.. well.. I guess Taehyun got distracted. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of your gorgeous thighs in those shorts. Now instead of the project he was focusing on, now he was focusing on you; and your legs being held up by his strong arms as he fucks you into the mattress. Since it was barely even dark out, whoever was next door to you guys, could definitely hear your cries of pleasure and how good Taehyun’s cock is >///<

The sunlight gently peered through the windows and lit the room up. You woke up next to Taehyun, who didn’t have a shirt on. The lack of clothes you felt on your body definitely gave you a recall of what happened when the two of you guys tried to work on the project. You looked at Taehyun in his slumber, particularly at his arms. They definitely had a bit of muscle to them which you never thought he’d ever have and you couldn’t help but gently grasp his arm muscle and feel his arm. You got a little closer to him and kissed his shoulder, still holding the arm muscle. Taehyun probably half woke up and saw your hand grasping his arm. He pulled you closer and held you against his warm and toned chest.

It was quiet for a little bit before he spoke. "You alright?" You nodded softly, just enjoying the warmth of his body at the moment. "Did I ever get carried away?" You shook your head. "I didn’t expect something like that coming from you though.." you blushed. Taehyun softly chuckled. You lifted your head and then looked at the clock, seeing that it was almost 10 am. You almost wanted to jump out of his bed. "Woah. Shit, what day is it? We might be late for class. Do we have a test today? Fuck! I-.. we should’ve studied for that!" You said about to get up but instead, Taehyun gently grabbed your wrist. "Relax.. it’s Saturday" he laughed a little. You let out a sigh of relief and got closer to Taehyun. You looked at him and then looked away. "So.. uhm…" you started. Not really knowing what to say. Taehyun sat up with you, his toned chest showing and all.

"Sorry i had lost my focus yesterday.. I just.." he paused a second before looking at you, taking the grip on your wrist and turning it into an interlocking of your hand in his. You were so.. beautiful.. "I’ve never told you how gorgeous you look. Have I?" You tilted your head a little and your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Then he kept going. "Sometimes I can’t focus on the lecture because of your beauty. I catch a glimpse of you every so often.." he admitted, blush tinting his face. "Taehyun.." he smiled softly at you. "You have no idea how happy I was when you reached out to me about an assignment you were stuck on.. and even more happy when our professor paired us up.." you were probably about to cry at this point since you weren’t ready for all the sentimental words. "Why..? What.. what made you so happy?" He gently held your fingers together with one hand and kissed the top of your palm and gave you a look. A look of love. "Because I saw the girl that I wanted to treasure forever.."

Huening Kai

Guys I love Huening Kai so much. He’s SO CUTE. The more I look at him and watch his behavior I can’t stop thinking about him as that gamer/hoodie bf. The type of bf who dosent care if you’re in his lap while he plays games or lets you have his hoodies. And god, he’s so hot. So hot that you have to show it while he’s gaming. You’ll sit on his lap and start with kisses on his neck every so often and sure, he’ll kiss you back all normal, but then you started biting on his neck and slowly moved your mouth up to his ear to get a reaction out of him. Which worked, and he had to hold himself back from whimpering into his microphone. He quickly muted himself and gave you a warning about what you were doing which of course you didn’t listen to him (damn brat..) and you continued what you were doing which ended in him getting off any giving you the attention you needed.. a bit roughly might I add.. >///<

The light from the curtains emitted a soft light in the room. Not totally making it bright in there, but making it pretty visible. Kai woke up with you in his arms. He looked at the hoodie you were in, the one that he also fucked you in and softly smiled to himself. He pulled your body closer softly, careful to not wake you. He gave your head a kiss and began rubbing your back. Kai took in your scent a bit and if you could see the look on his face and feel the feeling he was feeling.. god he loves you so much. With his hand he would gently trace your facial features and brush little strands of hair out of your face. Kai always thought you were so beautiful and I guess he started to daydream about that while he looked at you. He always thought you were beautiful.

Kai loved everything about you. Head to toe, inside and out, there was nothing he didn’t love about you. Every curve, every insecurity you had, he adored it all. And he loved that he could show that to you through his affection. Obviously in a dorky way, but he knew you loved it. It made you smile. Your smile was so gorgeous to him and he would make it a goal to see it every single day. It was like a little quest for him. He loved that you cheered him on when he was playing games. God he loved your voice too. Kai could never get enough that. And your face. Besides your smile, whenever Kai would make you flustered, he loved your reactions or the way you’d respond. And your eyes, they-

"Hyuka? Sugar? Are you okay?" Shit. Huening Kai got all embarrassed fast, being so distracted by your beauty that he had went off to la-la-land and forgot he was looking at you to think about all of this. He felt his face become all warm, so to hide that, he pulled on the strings of the hoodie he was wearing and started sulking, feeling embarrassed that he was staring at you. "M’sorry.." he muffled. You cooed at his embarrassment and held the poor thing. "It’s alright honey.. why were you staring at me though?" Kai hesitated a moment but he poked his head out, it still being pink, and mumbled. Obviously you couldn’t hear what he said so you held what you could of his face, and that made him crack. "I was thinking about how pretty you are, so I started to stare and daydream about you.." he said, feeling himself getting more embarrassed hearing it out loud. You cooed again, a hearty 'aww' with a laugh and kisses on Kai’s warm face. "You’re such a dork baby.." "I’m your dork.."

HAHAHA I KNEW I WOULD GET THIS POSTED EVENTUALLY!! (MAYBE NOT AT LIKE 3 AM BUT ILL FUCKIN TAKE IT!!) I’ll start writing those two requests cuz I’m actually kind of excited to see what I can do with these concepts 🥰

(Please be patient when I write things like these! I’m a human and I have responsibilities and moments where I do and don’t want to write ㅠㅠ along with school in the way, I get ssssuuuper busy :( thank you for all of the support though! And the inspirations! <3)

#kpop imagines #txt huening kai #txt beomgyu #txt taehyun #txt soobin #txt yeonjun #txt fluff #txt smut #txt imagines #txt #kpop fluff #kpop smut #please they are so cute #i love txt

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httpsnali · 1 day ago

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WEALTHY CHARADE

CHAPTER FIVE: Sacrifice

✬ Pairing: Park Sunghoon x Female Reader

✬ Genre: strangers/enemies to lovers!AU, angst!romance

✬ Synopsis: Forced into a union that promises more complications than peace, you must confront the ghosts of the past and decide if you will bend under the weight of family duty or carve out your own path.

✬ CW: toxic parenting, mild depictions of anger, y/n is really emotional, mild descriptions of anxiety, y/n is a mess

✬ WC: 7.6k

Sunghoon was exceptionally tired. Tired was an understatement. He was exhausted. He had spent the entire day responding to emails and rescheduling his appointments, and was now on his way to the dinner that his father had so frustratingly withheld the details of.

His friends had expressed their concerns, and Jay had gone as far as threatening to lock Sunghoon in his apartment if he didn’t set aside some time to take a break. Sunghoon suspected they weren’t wrong. When his friends would nag at him concerning his work habits, he would brush it off like it was some playful concern. While he appreciated their sentiments, he knew he had no choice.

He wasn’t kidding when he told Jungwon that he was the backbone of the entire corporation. His father did a good job of being the face of the company, however, he was the one who handled everything behind the scenes. He secured deals with investors, both overseas and locally, sat in directors’ meetings and made sure that they were all in line and made sure to keep up appearances in public. He kept PTC afloat. He wasn’t CEO or anything, his father still held that title, but he might as well have been. He had done well to gain the trust of the directors and knew how employees would whisper in the breakrooms about his incredible dedication and contribution to the company. Sunghoon led the company because no one else could.

The man sitting quietly beside him as they drove to this mysterious dinner, whom he referred to plainly as Mr. Park, was as lousy a businessman as he was a father. Sunghoon regarded him with thinly veiled disdain. From as early as he could remember, his father only saw him as someone he could use to handle his affairs while he went about kicking back enjoying his wealth. Mr. Park would rather spend his time hunting or golfing with stepmom of the month, leaving his responsibilities to his son. The thought made him sneer but he was way past giving his father any kind of reaction.

The silence stretched until his father, staring out at the passing cityscape, finally spoke. “How are things at the company?”

Sunghoon let his father’s question linger for a moment before responding, “Fine.”

There was a pause, then silence befell them once more. Minutes later, Sunghoon’s phone buzzed with a text. He mentally cursed himself for not silencing his phone earlier only to see it was a text from Jungwon. He wasn’t sure how to feel about him still working despite him giving his cousin the rest of the day off. He didn’t linger on it for too long since it would be like the pot calling the kettle black. Jungwon was just as much of a workaholic as him, but he was in no position to say anything about it.

Jungwon: Hi Boss, I know you are at dinner with your father, but I looked into the joint venture rumors with AhnPharma. The media outlet confirmed that their source was credible. Although they didn’t disclose who it was, they said it was from one of the higher ups at PTC.

Sunghoon could feel a migraine coming in. Higher ups at PTC? What were they talking about? No one bypassed him on major company decisions, let alone something as big as a venture rumor, yet he knew nothing about this. Did someone skip protocol and release false information to the public? Unless…

He turned to his father, his suspicion growing.

“Is there something I should know about?” Sunghoon demanded.

“In regard to what?” Mr. Park replied, unfazed.

“Well, for starters, this dinner,” said Sunghoon. “You have given me no details about who we are meeting except that they are old friends of yours. I think I deserve to know more than that.”

Mr. Park scoffed and turned to face his son for the first time since they got into the car.

“It’s easy to believe we deserve things when we have done nothing to merit them.”

Sunghoon arched his brow slightly, already starting to get irritated. “I don’t have time for your word games. Just tell me who we are meeting and while you do that, tell me why I am seeing stories on talks about a joint venture with AhnPharma. Did you know about this?”

“Yes, I did.” Mr. Park admitted without sparing a beat.

Sunghoon pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to contain his frustration, “Why wasn’t I informed about this, since when did you approve of this?”

“Not too long ago, about a month or so.” His father responded casually.

“Why wasn’t I told about this?” Sunghoon took a deep breath, to avoid giving his father the satisfaction of seeing him upset. “How could you agree to this without running it through me first?”

Mr. Park gave an arrogant smirk, “I am running it through you. This dinner.”

“What do you mean? Are we having dinner with people from AhnPharma?” Sunghoon narrowed his eyes, glancing sideways towards his father.

“Just to finalize some details. Shouldn’t take too long.”

Sunghoon didn’t know what was more frustrating about this; his father’s nonchalant tone, or the fact that they were in the finalizing stage of a deal he knew nothing about. His thick brows knitted together in a frown, “This makes absolutely no sense. Why would you agree to this?”

His father looked away and stroked his jaw, ignoring the urgency in Sunghoon’s tone. The car came to a stop signaling their arrival. Sunghoon looked out the window recognizing the neatly kept estate of the Ahn family. He recalls attending a gala dinner with his father years ago, but the memory was too hazy and insignificant to remember much of.

“These are old friends of mine,” Mr. Park explained, “I am just doing them a favor.”

“I didn’t think you had any friends,” Sunghoon said sarcastically. “I can’t help but to wonder if you have a different motive.”

“You always expect the worst from me, Sunghoon.” He accused in a honeyed tone.

“Old habits die hard, I guess,” he pocketed his phone and clutched the car door handle. “And anyway, the company can’t go into a joint venture right now, so I guess the only thing we will be finalizing tonight is the fact that this deal is over.”

Mr. Park grasped his shoulder which made Sunghoon flinch slightly. “I gave them my word. We can’t back out now.”

“I don’t care about your word,” Sunghoon shrugged his father’s hand off his shoulder. “Don’t go making promises that you can’t keep. I am the one who gets to decide what is good for this company and what isn’t. You haven’t set foot in that building in thirteen months, you don’t know how things work around here. What makes you think that you can go around making decisions for this company when you don’t even know the people who work there?” he closed his eyes briefly, “Do you realize that a joint venture means we would have to lay off nearly half of our employees? Have you considered that these are people with families to take care of? And what about new policies that they would have to adapt to? Did you consider that at all?”

Sunghoon pressed his lips into a thin line. He needed to keep himself in check. There was no use getting angry over a deal that he was not going to allow to go through. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“Look, whatever reason you had for making this deal, I’m sure was…noble.” He said hesitantly after noticing his father’s sullen expression. “However, I’m afraid it’s come in too soon and we can’t handle this right now.”

Mr. Park cleared his throat and adjusted his collar. Sunghoon made a good point. He was so caught up in trying to do a good thing for his friend that he forgot to factor in the people that would be involved.

“Still, we should have dinner with them. Hear them out first, you might reconsider.” He concluded before stepping out of the vehicle.

You had just put the final touches into your look for tonight when a soft knock was heard on your door. Thinking it was one of the maidservants coming to assist you, you asked them to come in without glancing at the door. The sound of heels clicking made you look up to see your mother walk in and shut the door behind her. You stood up quickly unsure of yourself. This was the first time in a very long time that she had been in your room. It was an odd sight, nevertheless, you greeted her hesitantly.

“Good, you’re already dressed,” she said, dismissing your greeting entirely. She scrutinized you, looking for noticeable flaws before she approached your vanity and selected a pair of diamond earrings from among your jewelry. “These look better, and get rid of the pearls, they age you up.”

You followed her instructions, hands trembling slightly as you switched the dangling earrings you had on before for the plain but simple diamond studs. With a strut, she walked to the windows gazing out at the lush green gardens. Your mother was a picture of poise and elegance. She wore a perfectly tailored tweed set and had her hair pinned up into a classic French bun. She let out a soft sigh before she turned back to look at you, now having put the earrings on.

“Those earrings were a gift from my father,” she started. “I never got to wear them much, didn’t think they suited me.”

Your fingers flew to your ears as if on instinct and your heart started to beat fast. You realized you were nervous. Your mother was actually holding a conversation with you, and she was being…warm? You weren’t sure how to respond, afraid that anything you said could be used as a point for criticism from her.

“They are beautiful,” You settle on simply stating the obvious. You cleared your throat softly before adding, “are we celebrating tonight?”

Your mother observed you inquisitively, not giving much away with her unreadable expression. Part of you wanted to believe what Aeri said about things starting to look up, that maybe this was your welcome dinner and that they were finally going to admit they missed you through their actions. That maybe distance did indeed make the heart fonder, and your parents had missed you terribly and that just because they were not good with their words didn’t mean they couldn’t show you.

Your mother glanced down at her skirt, brushing away some imaginary lint before she took a step toward you. Still keeping her distance, she clasped her hands in front of her.

“Y/n,” she said, “we’ve decided something important for you. It’s time you stepped up and did your part for the family.”

You held your breath in anticipation as though bracing yourself for impact. You were not sure what had prompted you to act this way, but you didn’t like the sound of it, so your heart sank.

“You know how important family is, don’t you?” she asserted, and you swallowed.

“We’re at a stage where big decisions have started to come into play, and an opportunity has come up for us. You know your father and I have always worked so hard for this family. And sometimes…well, sometimes sacrifices are necessary.”

Her tone was curt and cold. All of a sudden, the room felt smaller, and the air felt thicker. You willed yourself to calm down and stop overreacting because you had no reason to. Still, you suspected that she was about to drop something on you.

“Sacrifices? What are you talking about?” You winced slightly as your hand instinctively rose to your neck, fingers searching for the pendant you always played with in moments like this. Disappointed to only find bare skin your hand lowered, lightly brushing over your collarbone instead.

“It’s about the future. Your future. And the company’s future. This is bigger than just you.” She raised her chin, her tone firm.

“What is bigger than me? What are you not saying?" you pleaded anxiously. Why couldn’t she just get to the point? She sighed deeply glancing toward the door as if wishing she would rather be anywhere else than here, having this conversation with you.

“The company hasn’t been doing so well, and a year from now, we could be on our way to bankruptcy,” she paced the floor cautiously with a solemn expression on her face, “We haven’t been able to acquire new investors for some of our trials and are slowly losing the trust of the ones we have. Two have pulled out already in the past six months, and if others get a whiff of this…well, it could be disastrous for us.”

“Okay, that sounds really unfortunate. But what does that have to do with me?” you ask as she takes a seat on the little bench at the foot of your bed. She arched her brow and scoffed lightly glancing at you for a moment.

“We’ve come to agreement with the Park family. Our investors need a solid succession plan and their son is…he’s an excellent match.”

You stare at her in shock, refusing to believe the words currently coming out of her mouth. There was only one way the Park son could be a successor of the company.

“You don’t mean…” it comes out in a mumble as this gnawing feeling begins to grow in your gut. You grab onto your vanity, leaning on it for support. Your mother avoids your gaze and glances at the door again.

“This is about stability, Y/n. Think about our family’s legacy.” She is defensive and trying to prove her point but all you are wondering is why breathing suddenly feels so hard to do.

“Are you serious?” it takes everything in you to make your voice sound stable and clear, “you’re marrying me off like some business deal?”

“This is not just a business deal. It’s an investment. You stand to benefit from this too!”

Something flips inside you and you’re furious now, “Benefit? How? By being a pawn in your plans? Did you even consider asking me about it? Did you think about what I want?”

The notion of arranged marriages wasn’t new to your family. Your parents’ marriage had been an arranged one. Still, you had expected them to want different for their children. Times had changed. Even if they had still insisted on an arranged marriage, you had expected to at least have the freedom of choice when it came to selecting who you would marry. You didn’t consider yourself reckless and irresponsible when it came to your choice of boyfriends. Granted, you didn’t have that much experience in dating, and most of your past relationships were short-lived, but they were all good people. You were able to choose someone good enough on your own.

“We know this is sudden, but you’ll come to see this as the best for everyone. Sometimes we have to put the family first.”

“No, you decided to put the company first,” Tears began welling up in your eyes. You felt utterly betrayed, unheard and alone, “You never cared about what I wanted. I can’t believe you’d do this to me!”

“Enough!” she snapped and stood up, “It’s already decided. The sooner you accept it, the better.”

It then hits you like a freight train. This whole evening, the dress, the jewelry. They were getting you ready to present you to your so-called future husband. You had walked into their trap without even knowing. You now felt stupid in that dress. You hated it. You hated yourself even more for having a sliver of hope that your parents actually cared about you. You didn’t want to go to that stupid dinner.

“Don’t make this difficult, Y/n. You know how much we’ve done for you,” she bores her gaze into you and takes an unwavering step forward. She tilts her head to the side ever so slightly in a way that makes you shrink back in shame, “You know how much you owe us. It’s time to repay by being useful, don’t you think?”

A shiver runs down your spine as goosebumps rise all over your skin. You swallow, hard and break away from your mother’s gaze. Your palms feel clammy as you dig your fingernails into them. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. You clench your fists harder to distract you from the pain you feel elsewhere.

Your mother seems to take pleasure in your reaction. Or distaste over it. Either way, she finally makes her leave but not before telling you to fix yourself up as the guests should be arriving soon. It was only after she shut the door behind her on the way out that you gasped for air releasing the breath you didn’t even realize you had been holding.

You collapsed to your knees on the floor and began to sob. Once the tears began to flow, you couldn’t stop them. You hated this. You hated this so much. You wanted to scream for help, but you knew no one would come to your rescue. It felt worse to know that your mother was right about you owing them. Technically, they were in this position because of you. This was your karma. You deserved to be treated this way; still, it stung like hell.

You squeezed your eyes shut and took big breaths to calm yourself. Straightening back up, you reached for a tissue on your vanity and blew your nose and wiped your tears. You weren’t going to go along with this, you decided. Whoever this guy was, you were going to make him realize just how big of a mistake he would be making to be marrying into this family. You were going to make him run for the hills terrified.

Oh, who were you kidding? There was nothing you could do to undo this. Your mother was very clear that their decision was final. And the part of you that loved to punish yourself suspected that this was the universe’s way of making you pay for your actions. You had lost the resolve to fight years ago when you left this place.

You lifted yourself off the ground and onto your chair. Your makeup was ruined, and your eyes were red. You fixed yourself up really quickly, occasionally hiccupping and tearing up. In the end, you decided to let your hair down to hide your flushed skin. After making sure there were no remnants of your little outburst, you stood up and made your way to the dining room.

Sunghoon was reminded of just how much he couldn’t remember this place the moment they entered the foyer. The room looked foreign. The interior design leaned toward vintage with various art pieces on the walls and placed strategically in the corners. It was evident that the owners of this house had a taste for art and finery—he could see why they were friends with his father. An expensive looking Persian rug stretched over the floor and up the staircase, seamlessly uniting the place. Seconds later, a man who looked to be in his late 50s came in through one of the doors.

“Jihoo!” the man greeted boisterously. He gave Mr. Park a fierce hug like they hadn’t seen each other in years.

“Hyung‑nim!” Sunghoon’s father responded, “it’s been a while. How are things going?”

“How many times have a I told you to stop calling me that, you’ll make me seem older than I actually am!” he let out a thundering laugh giving Sunghoon’s father a firm pat on the back. “I’m so glad good to see you in person, Jihoo. We’re so used to seeing just your face through a screen,” he paused and took a step back to study him, “Have you lost weight?” he joked.

The two exploded in laughter and it felt odd for Sunghoon to see his father be so likable to someone. He noted how the man mentioned seeing his father through a screen. The two must have been in contact for a while, discussing the details of this business deal. He silently hoped this wouldn’t complicate things too much when he inevitably declined it. The man finally seemed to notice there was a third person in the room when Sunghoon shifted his weight.

“This must be Sunghoon,” the man said addressing him directly. He bowed politely then shook his outstretched hand. The man’s grip was firm and steady.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir.”

“Sir?” the man repeated, “what’s with all the formalities tonight, eh?” he chuckled.

“We are quite tired,” Mr. Park explained, “the drive from the city was a long one. Hey, why did you have to live so far away? Why can't you get a town house like a normal person?”

The man pocketed his hands and stood up straight. He had an air of confidence and entitlement around him as he said, “The city is way too crowded, and my wife can’t stand the pollution.”

Sunghoon resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He hated entitled people. They were the worst sort to go into business with. They would never agree to compromise and always had unrealistically high expectations. Still, he let out a light chuckle to be polite.

“Come though, you must be exhausted.” The man directed the two gents into another room that he could only describe as a waiting room. Similar art pieces were placed around the room while the walls were lined with shelves of different sized books and other vintage looking clutter. The man encouraged the two to take a seat while he walked to the mini bar in the corner and offered them a drink. Sunghoon was more of a cognac guy nevertheless he accepted the glass of whiskey. From the first sip alone, he could tell that wasn’t any cheap liquor.

“So Sunghoon,” the man started once he had sat down as well. He chose the single armchair across from where he and his father were sat, as though choosing to purposely single himself out. “How are things at Park Tech? You father tells me business is going well.”

Sunghoon sat up straight. It was now time to get into business, he didn’t enjoy beating around the bush and believed in tackling his problems head on.

“Things are going quite well. The company’s latest software release exceeded sales expectations and investors are more than pleased with the rise in quarterly earnings. Updates in the weekly board meetings are nothing but good news.”

The man nodded slowly, evidently impressed. Sunghoon felt a twinge of pride. He knew that his efforts did not go to waste, even if they did sometimes take a toll on his personal life.

“I like the sound of that,” said the man then he nodded to Mr. Park, “some talented kid you’ve got here.

“I agree, I wouldn’t have trusted PTC to anyone else. No one knows how to run the company like he does.”

“Which is why he is the perfect man for the job.” The man leaned back into his chair, taking a sip from his glass with a knowing smirk.

Sunghoon took a sip from his glass as well and shifted uncomfortably. He relished the burn of the amber liquid as it slid down his throat.

“Tell me, have you two discussed the details or our arrangement? I’m open to hearing your opinion…or any recommendations.” He laughed in a very businesslike manner that held no real delight in his voice.

His father beat him to it before he could answer. “No, but that’s what we’re here for, isn’t it? I thought Sunghoon should hear it from you first, then we will decide on the way forward.”

“Decide on the way forward? What do you mean, man? The decision was already made, was it not?”

This time, it was Sunghoon to interrupt his father. “With all due respect, sir, the announcement of this venture came quite unexpectedly,” he glanced sideways at his father, “so we have not been able to make the proper arrangements to accommodate it. Especially around this time of year. We have not allocated resources for growth or diversification.”

The man set his glass aside and leaned forward. “But based on your mid-year performance reviews, you seem to be doing well enough to pivot your strategies a little. And who knows, this could boost profitability before year-end.”

Did he know about their current performance? How much had his father divulged to him already? Sure, they were exceeding performance expectations, but they had already used the surplus funds to invest in new hires. They would have to go back to the drawing board and create a fresh budget, and possibly hold back on a few product launches. It was too much, and too soon, and he didn’t understand how he was expected to just say yes.

“What do you know about AhnPharma, boy?” the man questioned. Sunghoon hated the way the word boy sounded on his lips; almost demeaning.

“Aside from what’s common knowledge, I don’t know much, I’m afraid.” Sunghoon admitted sheepishly. He felt so unprepared for this. Had he known sooner, he would have studied more about AhnPharma which would have given him a broader idea of what they were getting into.

The man stood and walked towards a large painting that Sunghoon now realized was of his family. He recognized the man, who sat next to a poised woman who he assumed was his wife. In front of them stood two children: a boy and a girl. They both had similar features, but the boy seemed to be a year or two older than the girl. The painting was done years ago, the man before him currently looked older, grayer. Everything about him felt calculated. Even the way he slowly paced the room as if deciding on the best approach to take with this. Sunghoon wondered if he approached everything in his life in the same manner.

“The company was first started by my great grandfather in the 1920s. He discovered that by mixing and using simple herbs, one could cure different diseases. Together with his brothers, they were able to provide healing salves and medicine to the poor people who were not able to afford professional aid from the hospital at that time. By the time the Korean War broke out, they had already made a name for themselves in medicine and even provided our troops with aid.” He paused and now looked directly at the two and offered a tight-lipped smile.

“I’m not going to go into heavy detail, lest I bore you…”

“You could never bore us…” Mr. Park offered pathetically.

The man gave Sunghoon’s father a brief glance before fixing his gaze back on him, as if knowing where the true power to make the decision lay, and that it lay with him, not his father.

“My point is this; AhnPharma has always been the people’s favorite. We provide the best kind of medical aid to the people of this country and aside from that, we have some of the best investors lined up to support our work.” He sighed and stroked his beard, appearing to be deep in thought. “However, of late, we have started to lose the trust of some of them,” he continued before muttering an insult under his breath. “They believe that they should only invest in something if that thing is guaranteed to be profitable long-term.”

Sunghoon carefully took in his words. He was slowly starting to understand what the man was trying to say.

“So let me get this straight,” Sunghoon started. His glass, which he abandoned long ago, sat on the small table before him. He didn’t like drinking when talking business. “You are essentially looking for investors? You need money?”

Something flashed in the man’s eyes but then it was gone in an instant. He felt his father tense up beside him.

“Well, if you put it like that it makes us look like we’re begging!” He laughed but no one laughed with him. “What we need is something more long-term–”

He is cut off by a soft knock on the door. A servant came in and after bowing announced that dinner was served. He thanked her before she scurried away, looking obviously irritated at having been interrupted.

“Well, we will have to continue this conversation in the next room. My wife hates tardiness.” He says as he stands. They all stood up with him and made their way to the dining room. If money was all he needed, why didn’t he just tell his father that? Why did they need to go into a joint venture? PTC could just invest, that wasn’t so hard to do. He made a mental note to ask Jungwon to see if it was plausible, in the coming week.

They came back into the foyer, and he saw the man’s wife coming down the stairs with a practiced smile on her face. Then, his eyes fixed on you, who was just a step behind her, with your eyes downcast. He immediately recognized you from the painting. You had the same adorable nose and seemed to have grown into your other features. Your hair flowed angelically down your back and the dress you wore hugged your curves so perfectly, he felt his jaw go slack for a second. His face lit up for a second before sensing your sullen mood, then his expression dulled.

Your mother had given you a stern look for choosing to wear your hair down. She hadn’t approved of that; she had started to say. But before she could get a word out, you heard voices coming from the bottom of the staircase. She quickly plastered her welcoming expression and descended to greet them. You followed suit with a solemn expression on your face. Your appetite was long gone, and you could feel yourself starting to give out internally.

“Darling,” your father greeted. You couldn’t stand to see him right now, still bitter that he didn’t consider telling you of his plans to sell you off. “I believe you know Park Jihoo.”

Your mother stretched out her hand for Mr. Park to take. He stepped closer and bowed slightly before reaching for her hand. He brought her hand to his lips, brushing a brief, almost ceremonious kiss against her knuckles—a gesture that felt both old-fashioned and deliberate.

“So, you’re the man that’s been keeping my husband locked in his office at odd hours in the night?” She giggled.

“I apologize, time difference is the one thing I’m afraid I cannot control,” he pauses briefly and takes notice of you “And this must be your daughter. My, what a striking resemblance to you Mrs. Ahn.” He remarked.

“Please, call me Hye Sook.” Your mother chuckled giving him a playful shove.

“Y/n,” said your father, “be respectful and greet our guests.” His tone was firm and commanding. You stepped forward, greeted them and introduced yourself. Sunghoon noticed your forced smile and how you closed off you were being. He also took note of your red rimmed eyes and slightly puffy face. Had you been crying? The evening was proving to be quite strange, if he was being honest. He couldn’t wait to get home after this. Your mother directed your little group to the dining room. Your father walked in step with Mr. Park and spoke to him in a low tone while gesticulating vehemently. This left you with who you assumed was Mr. Park’s son.

The two of you remained silent for a beat while you wondered to yourself why you didn’t just follow your family to the dining room, and why your feet still seemed rooted to the ground even despite thinking this. The tension was so thick and awkward. Sunghoon was the one to break it.

“Y/n, right?” He stretched out his hand which you took albeit hesitantly. “Sunghoon. Just realized I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself,” he chuckled. You must have been around his age. And while he wasn’t exactly on the hunt for new friends, it wouldn’t kill him to be friendly.

It didn’t work. You didn’t even smirk. It was obvious that there was something going on with you, but it felt out of his place to ask. But the way in which you now looked up at him with your round eyes made you look so vulnerable and docile. In a way, it made him squirm in fear that he might spill his darkest secrets if you asked him to. You were small in comparison to his height, so he still towered over you. His breath began to hitch as you blinked slowly, scrutinizing his features.

He was handsome, you could give him that. He had good bone structure and nice teeth which you took note of when he spoke. His hand felt slightly rough to the touch but not too much, an indication that he probably used them a lot. He had very faint eyebags around his eyes. Did he not get enough sleep? His gaze was sharp, and you cocked your head to the side as you lowered your eyes to his lips which parted slightly. You caught a whiff of cologne and whiskey from him. You were studying him, which made Sunghoon uncomfortable. His face contorted and his expression visibly hardened. He cleared his throat and spoke again.

“Uh…maybe we should follow after them.” He stepped back and towards the direction your parents had gone. You quickly fell into step with him as you both made your way. What the hell was that? Why did she look at me like that? What is wrong with this family? He racked his brain and wondered if he was missing something. He then concluded that he was either just exhausted or that there was something strange going on. The sound of voices of laughter poured out of the room and everyone seemed to be in high spirits. You followed behind Sunghoon and went to find your seat. Your parents were opening a bottle of champagne clearly in a celebratory mood. Again, you felt betrayed by their lack of empathy. You quickly shoved your feelings aside, deciding to pull yourself together. You sat in your usual seat only for your mother to tell you that you would be sitting on the opposite side of the table tonight, which put you on Sunghoon’s left while your father sat on his right.

Dinner went by fairly smoothly and by the time you were done with the entrée, your parents had managed to turn almost every conversation topic into talking about you and your achievements and talents. You didn’t even know they knew you like that. It was clear that they were trying to show you off to Sunghoon, to make him realize what a ‘catch’ you were. It was utterly humiliating to sit there and listen to them talk about you like that. Like they were describing the specs of a product to an interested customer.

While he appreciated the gesture that the Ahn’s were making, for whatever reason, Sunghoon was eager to continue his conversation with Mr. Ahn. The three parents were consuming the champagne at an alarming rate which made him anxious. He did not want to continue this conversation another time, or worse, have to come here again. They were now laughing over something his father had said, and he took that opportunity to bring them back to business discussions.

“Mr. Ahn,” he interrupted, tone clipped, “I believe we were in the middle of discussing how we at PTC can help you out of your predicament. I still have a lot of questions.” All attention shifted to Sunghoon, but he did not waver. Business was business after all, and he wanted it to be treated as such. They were behaving in a way that made him feel crazy for being the only one to want to take this seriously. You held your breath and took a sip of your water. Your father’s cheerful expression slowly fell, and he set down his glass with a chuckle.

“Ah, always straight to the point,” he gave a slow nod, “I admire that. But tonight, it’s less about business and more about celebrating what’s to come.”

Sunghoon frowned and glanced around the table. “Celebrating? What exactly are we celebrating? Nothing’s been finalized yet.” His posture was rigid, with a tightness to it, like he was holding back from speaking his real thoughts.

“Oh, but it has, son,” Mr. Ahn retorted with an almost patronizing smile. “There’s more to this than just contracts and plans.”

You glanced sideways at the man seated beside you. His eyes narrowed and the cords of his neck became rigid. He was clearly not having it, and you had to give it to him for displaying such control. Your stomach tightened and churned in anticipation.

“Then perhaps you would like to explain, because I don’t recall to agreeing to anything yet.” Sunghoon continued.

The older man leaned forward, his elbows on the table. “You see,” he spoke as if recounting a fond memory, “your father and I have been connected for years—through friendship, through shared values. And when my company began facing some…challenges we knew we needed a solution that went beyond mere collaboration.”

“What kind of ‘solution’ are we talking about?” his voice was sharp. His forehead creased as he gazed at the man before him. Out of his periphery, he felt you shift beside him. He heard your breath hitch as though bracing yourself. Mr. Ahn gestured between him and you, and he felt his stomach drop.

“You and my daughter. A union that ensures not just our company’s safety but the strengthening of both our families’ legacies.”

You wanted to collapse. You fixed your gaze firmly on the tablecloth before you, not daring to look at Sunghoon who had turned to see your reaction. You hated every single moment of this. You felt helpless and defeated. This is my fault. This never would have happened if it weren’t for me. This is my karma.

Sunghoon turned back to the man with a scoff, “You’re joking.” He stated simply. He was either joking or just plain crazy. This whole family is full of retards.

Your father reached back for his glass an air of calmness around him. He was being very casual about this like he just successfully bargained on a pair of vintage shoes. “It’s already been agreed upon, young man,” he declared, “There’s a binding contract, with penalties for breach—20 billion won to be exact. The contract has already been signed…”

“Woah, wait a minute,” his voice was now rising, “what contract? You signed a contract? Without telling me? Without my consent?” He was speaking directly to his father now, enraged at this revelation.

It took you by surprise as well. Your mother hadn’t mentioned anything about a contract. Disdain with a mix of betrayal began to fill you. You glanced at your mother only to find her wearing an unimpressed expression as if she was bored by the topic of conversation.

“Now, now, let’s not overreact,” Mr. Park tried to calm his son down, “this is a strategic decision, one that benefits us all.”

You flinched as Sunghoon’s chair loudly scraped the floor as he stood abruptly. His anger bubbled over as he addressed his father. “Benefit? Who?” he turned to your father, “This only benefits you. Your company is failing, isn’t it? And this is your way of saving it—selling your daughter off like some corporate asset.”

You suddenly felt the urge to let him know that you weren’t in agreement with this either, “I had nothing to do with this.” Your voice trembling, but firm.

He whipped his head around. “Didn’t you? You have been sitting here quietly, going along with all of this. You’re just as manipulative as your parents.”

Words could not describe how offended and outraged you were at Sunghoon’s words. You cast him a smoldering gaze as you grit your teeth in rage.

“How dare you?” Your tone was icy as you stood. “You know nothing about me, and you certainly don’t know what I think about any of this! I didn’t ask for any of this!” you felt your face get hot like you were going to explode.

Sunghoon scoffed, incredulous, “Didn’t you? You’ve been sitting here, letting them speak for you. Don’t act like you’re not part of this.”

You began to feel the sting of tears once more and clenched your hands into fists. “How am I part of this? Do you think I wanted any of this? You think I want to marry a total stranger who clearly thinks so little of me?” you exclaimed, your voice rising in exasperation.

“You’re not exactly making it hard to think that. Sitting there, letting them dangle you like bait in front of me—what does that say about you?” his words cut through you with hostility. His own face had turned red, but Sunghoon was past trying to be polite by masking his emotions. This entire night had been a set up and he felt stupid for not having caught on earlier. What, did they expect him to be easygoing and accept their little arrangement? This was his life they were talking about.

Your voice was shaking with anger and hurt. “It says I’m trapped! And unlike you, I don’t get to storm out of deals I don’t like. I don’t get to live my life on my own terms.” You gestured towards your chest feeling your tears begin to well in your eyes. You didn’t miss the way your mother scoffed as she continued to watch the scene unfold before her eyes.

“Oh, spare me the sob story,” Sunghoon narrowed his eyes. He didn’t believe you for a second. “You’re just as complicit as your parents, playing along with this whole charade—”

“I am nothing like my parents!” you stepped closer, jabbing a finger to his chest. “You don’t know me—you don’t know anything about me! All you’ve done is sit here and judge me as if you’re somehow above all this. Newsflash, you’re in it just as much as I am.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did I ruin your perfect little arrangement?” he countered, voice dripping with sarcasm.

You ran a hand through your hair making a mess of what it already was. You couldn’t care less about it. “You’re impossible!” you scoffed. “You think the world revolves around you and your precious work. You can’t even see that I hate this as much as you do.”

Sunghoon paused for a moment, genuinely taken aback. You took a deep breath before continuing. “I don’t want to marry a man who sees me as nothing more than an extension of my parents’ schemes. And for the record, I’d never marry someone as arrogant and self-absorbed as you.”

Still angry, but faltering slightly, he watched you closely, pondering on what you just said. You were trapped. You hated this.

“Then why are you even here? Why haven’t you said anything to stop this?”

You turned to your parents, voice raw with emotion. “Because it doesn’t matter what I say! It never does!” Your mother sneered while your father avoided your gaze altogether. “I’m just a tool to you, aren’t I? Someone to pawn off for your convenience. Have you ever cared about what I want? About what this does to me?”

“Y/n, that’s enough! Stop embarrassing us.” Mrs. Ahn said coldly, giving Sunghoon an idea of the kind of relationship you had with her.

“You will do as you’re told. You will not speak to us like that.” Mr. Ahn’s tone was sharp and threatening causing a twinge of anger to bubble in his gut on your behalf.

Your shoulders slumped in defeat and your voice dropped into a whisper, “Why do I even bother? You’ll never listen.” Your eyes are mixed with hurt and defiance. “You already hate me so much.”

You glance at Sunghoon one more time, “Welcome to the family.” Your expression was that of anger and despair, like you had given up on this conversation, or on something else entirely. You walked out of the room, steps heavy as they echoed in the now silent dining room.

A tense silence followed. Only the soft tick of the clock that was at one end of the room and the sound of crickets outside could be heard. Mr. Park was the first to break the silence, his tone condescending as he spoke.

“She’s just emotional. You’ll see, with time—"

“With time?” Sunghoon turned on him, his tone cold and biting. “You think this will blow over? You’ve sunk to a new low. Using a sham like this to manipulate me into something I’d never agree to. You’re exactly the same as always, selfish and untrustworthy.”

Mr. Park’s tone hardened, “Watch your tone, Sunghoon.”

“No!” he cut him off, voice rising. “I’ve watched my tone my entire life. You’ve done nothing but disappoint me, and now you expect me to just go along with this insanity? You’re as horrible a father now as you were back then.”

Sunghoon turns to leave the room as well but not before casting a withering glare at your parents. “You deserve each other.” His voice dripped with disdain. Without another word, he storms out of the room grabbing his coat at the door.

✬ A/N: first written chapter woohoo! it's actually embarrassing how long this took to write. we finally get to know a little more about the characters personalities. i'm still trying to figure out how to work this app so forgive me if my layouts aren't so cute. i haven't posted in so long and unfortunately i can't promise it will get better anytime soon. i start my exams next week so i won't be working on this fic. still i wanted to get this first written chapter out of the way. please look forward to more. also let me know if i should make a taglist for this and then tell me HOW to do it lolll. n e ways reblogs, likes and feedback are highly appreciated. i would love to hear what you guys think is going to happen next. i hope you enjoyed!!! xx

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yeet-saintlaurent · 1 day ago

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And let me tell yall something. I trusted my guts last year and I was right. I can’t even trust a fly then.

It turns out she’s not complicated at all, like the rest she’s just a convenient person at most.

Afterall, she did the last thing she said she would not do. Typical.

I wouldn’t let my heart betray me and so I went.

Thank god.

But,

Betrayal from a nice person is the worst ? Isn’t it ?

That is the last person you think would go ? Isn’t it?

And why should I trust my guts?

Why give it so much power ?

To go ?

Because God gave us only one heart.

-brb I’m writing something. Suddenly got an idea

>update

Okay im back, check out my new post.

I’m sorry that previous message was a little mean but that was the crux of my anger, and as always I’m far more expressive with words.

Okay but to be fair we didn’t have a good closure. So I really didn’t know what’s on her mind at that time. I may be the same exact person she hates, god knows. It feels like we were challenging was more ruthless at the end, ya got me girl. I was just so blown out of reality I had to get therapy. As usual I did not tell a single soul.

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suhnandmoon · 3 days ago

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chapter twenty three: serious route

please read the chapter 23 nav before you read!!!

disclaimer: don't perceive this. i don't really like to make written chapters but i thought i'd pay tribute to my og queen (2021 starlight) and try to redeem her. i'd rather you read route 2

warnings: kidnapping, forced unconsciousness

you woke up in a daze. it was unlike the last time you woke up in a foreign setting– mark’s guest room at 3am was starting to sound a lot more pleasant than you remembered– but this time you were slumped over, seated on a tree stump in the middle of the forest. the sky was pitch black with only a small fire and a few flashlights illuminating the area.

across the bonfire, you saw three figures talking lowly. you were paralyzed, recognizing one of the people to be eric.

mind racing, you tried to think of the best possible escape route but upon shifting slightly, the pressure on your ankles indicated that your feet were bound together with rope.

“how long is she out for?” one of the voices asked, causing you to freeze. feigning unconsciousness was probably the best way to keep attention off of you, though you weren’t sure if you could keep the act up due to your full body shaking in fear.

“how the hell would i know. i just found out last week that i could even make people fall asleep.” a slightly deeper voice replied.

“well, let’s just hope she doesn’t wake up. makes things easier for us in negotiation.” you recognized the last voice to be eric, though it wasn’t surprising to you that he brought you there.

“shit- i think she’s awake. i hear her heart rate getting faster.” the first vampire commented. your stomach dropped immediately.

“you can hear fucking heartbeats?” eric asked incredulously, earning a punch on the shoulder from the other vampire.

“we all can if you focus, idiot.”

as they began bickering, you prayed they somehow forgot about you. eyes still closed, you hadn’t realized you shut them tighter as the first boy approached you.

“yn?” he said softly, catching you off guard. there was no malice in his tone. it was a completely different attitude than what you were expecting, especially after the run-in with sunwoo.

you opened an eye slightly to see your captor. he looked to be about your age as well. though knowing he was a vampire, that didn’t do much to help you. his friendly smile and round glasses caused him to look more unassuming than you thought he would, but you kept your guard up.

he let out a genuine chuckle at your attempt to crack your eye open without making it obvious you were awake.

“i know you’re awake.” he took a step closer, instinctively causing you to lean back, though you noticed he kept a respectful distance, “i’m sorry about all this. i’m changmin.”

“i know this looks bad but i promise we’re not gonna hurt you, we just need to,,” changmin paused to chose his words carefully. “use you as leverage for lack of a better explanation.”

you battled with the instinct lingering in your mind to trust him, “why kidnap me again? sunwoo already tried and it didn’t work.”

“because sunwoo’s a dumbass who hasn’t practiced self restraint a single day in his life-” the boy previously bickering with eric yelled from behind changmin.

“juyeon, shut the hell up, would you?” changmin tossed his complaint over his shoulder before turning back to you, “we’re doing what sunwoo should have done. he shouldn’t have taken it as far as he did. but as of right, we believe this is the only way for us to negotiate.”

“you’re a vampire now so i would hope you understand where we’re coming from,” eric’s tone was not as friendly as changmin, yet still sincere, “this deal we have with them- it’s a restriction that doesn’t do us any favor. we’re just trying to get them to let up on how much blood we can take from humans each month. its ridiculous.”

“this animal shit- it’s so fucking stupid. we’re vampires. they can take their moral high ground, but they can’t deny what we actually need.” juyeon added on.

“isn’t the agreement in place mainly so we don’t get found out?” you wish your voice came out stronger than it actually sounded, the slight shake in your voice giving you away.

“so? who cares. anyone who finds us out won’t know for much longer.” eric shrugged casually, sending a chill down your spine. for a moment, hearing them converse and bicker gave them a sense of humanity though they were your captors, but eric’s indifference toward the weight of a human life reminded you just how different you truly were.

“anyways. yn, your friends are going to be showing up soon,” changmin changed the subject and redirected his focus back on you, “we might make threats toward you, just know we’re not actually going to hurt you. we just need to scare them. no promises about not harming the guys though.”

“now why would you tell her that? she’s gonna tell them she’s okay.” eric retaliated.

if the adrenaline in your system wasn’t so high, you would’ve found the nerve to actually be annoyed at their constant back and forth. but you didn’t have that much time to think about it before juyeon was muttering some insult at eric and walking over to you.

with one wave over your head, you were back out of it, slumping back down.

_______

it wasn’t long after your short moment of consciousness that the boys had found the location sent to them by juyeon. jeno was the only one to have stayed behind, keeping an eye out for chaeryoung as a precaution.

when they arrived to the scene, they were met with the looming figures of eric, changmin, and juyeon standing over the bonfire. eric held your slumped body close, making it clear that they had the advantage

seeing you like this for the second time caused renjun to step out, calling your name. mark had to reach out his arm to stop him from escalating anything too quickly, as eric made a show of tightening his hold upon renjun’s approach. this was sick.

they slowly approached them, closing the distance so they could talk.

“you brought us here to make compromises.” mark called out, keeping his tone neutral. “where’s your leader then?”

juyeon scoffed, glaring at the six. “this isn’t a compromise. we want this whole thing dropped.” he corrected.

“sangyeon’s the only one of you who can make that call.” the edge on mark’s voice was intimidating, but it didn’t phase the opposing team.

“i think you’re forgetting who we have here.” eric spoke up to defend his friend with a laugh, but it only caused donghyuck to scoff at the act.

“i think you’re forgetting you’re outnumbered, dumbass.” donghyuck mocked, causing eric to step forward in retaliation, briefly forgetting about his grasp on you.

renjun and jisung quickly took that opportunity catch him off guard. with his grip on you loosened, renjun pulled you away while jisung distracted eric. this action erupted a fight out of the rest of the boys; mark, hyuck, and jaemin moving to keep juyeon and changmin away from you.

it was less of a fight, more of a tussle, when renjun extracted you from the scene. it luckily couldn’t escalate into anything serious when a deep shout could be heard several feet away from the area.

the sound of the voice immediately sent the three boys into a halt, as if they had just been commanded to freeze.

“what the hell do you think you’re doing?” the words grew distinguishable as the owner of the voice emerged from the trees. it was none other than lee sangyeon himself, as mark was smart enough to shoot him the location his own boys had sent them.

eric, juyeon, and changmin all looked at each other, expecting someone to speak up. their previously serious demeanor had a complete 180. they all looked like children caught red-handed.

“helping you?” juyeon was the first to break their silence, “sangyeon, you’ve been working yourself to death these last few months. the least we could do was resolve this issue for you.”

the firm look in sangyeon’s eyes almost dissipated at the sentiment, but he stood his ground with crossed arms.

“and how exactly would kidnapping their friend resolve any kinds of issues with them?” he almost laughed at the stupidity of it all.

“we were never gonna hurt her! we just needed to negotiate-” changmin defended their plan, earning a gasp from jaemin, “anyways, we wanted to alleviate your stress with the negotiation so taking care of it ourselves was our best option”

their leader sighed. his lips parted, attempting to string together what he wanted to say before finally speaking up, “that's not why i’ve been busy.”

“its not? why do you get so touchy everytime its brought up?” eric pushed back.

“we’re moving. i’ve been trying to find a city without a large vampire presence so we don’t butt heads like this.” he referenced the silent group of boys just observing the dispute; unnecessarily pulled into this shit. “that’s why i’ve been stressed. no other reason.”

he turned to all of you. “i’m sorry about them. you can have my word this time that this will never happen again. i should’ve kept them in the loop.”

sangyeon nodded and guided the boys out of the forest, leaving the rest of you slightly baffled and annoyed in his wake, though you, of course, were still yet to wake up.

“well that was pointless.” chenle barked out a frustrated laugh, almost amused at how unnecessary that all was.

“and they never even apologized.” hyuck rolled his eyes, beginning their own trek out of the forest. “here in the middle of nowhere for nothing. fucking idiots.”

“at least yn’s safe.” mark tried to sympathize to avoid escalating their emotions, “let’s just get the hell out of here.

“don’t have to tell me twice,” hyuck called out, already a few feet ahead of everyone else.

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nicholasgoodgirl · 2 days ago

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no regrets - spencer reid

summary: you went to an event with your dad (aaron hotchner) and couldn't even bother to be there any longer, so you take too many drinks of wine and get reid to take you home hopefully you don't regret what happens.

warnings: cheating, suggestive, underage drinking. that should be it

a/n: i like the whole Aaron's daughter concept.. so i might do that often

flashy clothes and showy jewelry is what the people consisted of. i was at some event with my dad i couldn't care less about, but he just wants me close by because the unsub they're dealing with seems to be a threat. well atleast thats what he keeps telling me

every glass of wine that is offered to me i down it; feeling a slight effect with each drink.

next thing i knew i couldn't even walk with one foot infront of the other properly. i go over to my dad and ask him to take me home with one glance he knew i was intoxicated.

"how many glasses did you have to drink?" he whispered while taking me away from the group he was talking too.

"It's fine im of age" i replied dismissively "no, you're 20" he grabbed ahold of my shoulders and made me face him.

"so what? im lacking just one year, whats the difference?" i got out of his grip and rolled my eyes. he got his phone out and texted someone. a few minutes later spencer came over there. "he's taking you home"

spencer tried to take me by my hand but i snatched it away "no i wanna stay" i whined. "you take things too far, it's a bad look on me, it's a bad look on your boyfriend, and it's a bad look on the whole team"

"just say you don't want me around and I'll leave" i said sounding a bit hurt. thats because i was.

"and my boyfriends not even here or hardly around guess thats something you two share"

"I try-" is all i heard before walking away with reid. he took me out to the car and helped me into the passanger seat, then went to the drivers side and drove me to my dad's house.

---

my movements were more sluggish and i started to think mindlessly. spencer got me through the front door "why do you treat your dad like that- i mean i have a few ideas why, but i wanna hear personally from you" he probes.

"m' not sure reid" i reach out for the couch, pointing to a random place in the living room where i thought the couch was "couch" is all i muttered.

he helped me over there and placed me on the couch "you shouldn't drink. not only does it effect your brain development but it's illegal" he stated matter-of-factly.

"mhm" i groaned "would you like some water? I'm gonna go get you glass of water" he was up going through the cabinets looking for a cup. he came back with a glass of water

he sat on the couch putting my legs on his. he put the glass up to my lips but i didn't take a sip "please sweetheart it will lessen the chances of a hangover"

"awe that was cute" my tone a little condescending before pushing the glass away. my phone began to ring and spencer checked it for me "it's your boyfriend"

"don't answer" me and my boyfriend got into a tiny argument before i left to the event because he didn't trust me.

"just take a sip and I'll stop nagging" he offered the glass to me again and i parted my lips slightly to take a sip. "thank you"

"mhm" i took the glass from him drinking more; finishing the whole glass and setting it down.

for the first time tonight i actually looked into spencers eyes. i lock eyes with him, his gaze piercing into mine. for a moment it made me feel a rush of something i never felt before, not even with my boyfriend.

i take action stealing a kiss then pulling him closer towards me by his tie; his body fitting perfectly in between my legs on the couch .

"uh.. i don't really think we should-" i place another kiss on his lips "-be making out on your dads couch" he finished his sentence ultimately defeated when he gives into me.

the heat of our bodies on eachother intensifying the moment. it was irresistible, every movement was perfect

i run my fingers through his locks, working my lips to breathlessness. "no.. we don't work. this won't work" spencer sits up and scoots away from me "you have a boyfriend and im not really into the whole cheating and sneaking.. thing"

"sorry okay i don't know what i was thinking" i apologized feeling so much embarrassment. he just sighed running his fingers through his hair. "let me just get you to bed"

he helps me walk to my bedroom, putting my arm around his neck steadying me with his hands around my waist.

"while you're here can you help me change into my pajamas?" a humorless laugh had him winded and he was hesitant at first but began to take my heels off then removing my dress, leaving me in my bra and panties.

spencer took this as his chance to admire me. for the first time tonight i got shy under his gaze. he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and gave me a kiss on my forehead.

there was something i felt for spencer reid, i have for a long time. i don't know if it's a thought or feelings i already had that boiled down from fear of rejection. all i know is im in a relationship right now probably not the healthiest but i can't do that to him, it wouldn't be fair.

maybe spencer is the right persn wrong time.

in the midst of thought i had been snapped out of it by spencer placing a shirt over my head then laying me down to help the sweatpants up my legs. i lifted my hips so he can pull them up for me all the way.

i crawled over to my usual side of the bed, laying down getting comfortable. "hey reid? can you stay with me?"

"i probably shouldn't" he walked over to the door of my bedroom to leave out "goodnight" ,,night" i mumbled

that was it. he left and i was gonna have to tell my boyfriend i cheated on him. while im at it i should probably tell him that i want someone else. but i won't do that i could never bring myself to do it because i also don't know if the feeling is mutual between me and spencer.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid fluff #criminal minds #dr spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction

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covid-safer-hotties · 16 hours ago

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Also preserved in our archive

I have no clue how this guy hasn't divorced his wife. If my partner looked at me with disgust about anything that wasn't literally disgusting, I'd be googling "divorce lawyer."

by Sam Williams

A week ago, my wife and I went to John Lewis to look at air fryers. As we entered the store, I put on an FFP3 mask because of Covid. My wife looked at me in disgust and said, “Oh, you’re wearing a mask?” I replied, “Yes. There’s a lot of Covid around, and I don’t want it. Do you?”

She responded, “Well, the trouble is, I’m not wearing a mask”.

I said, “Yes, I can see that. I wish you would. The trouble is, every time I’ve caught Covid, it’s been from you. I’m disabled with long COVID, and every time I get reinfected, it makes me really, really ill”.

So here’s my question: does my wife not care?

I want to use this piece to spark a debate about who we are as people. Are we kind and virtuous, or are we selfish and indifferent? Writing an article about what stops people from wearing masks, while I live with the pain caused by my wife not masking, feels like an oddly meta activity.

That’s right, folks: it was probably my wife who gave me Covid in the first place. Although, to be fair, neither of us knew about masking or long Covid back then.

The case for masks amid rising Covid I need people to wear masks or ensure clean air so it’s safe for me to go out—especially in healthcare settings. Yet, most people refuse. I asked my wife why she doesn’t wear a mask, and she said, “There’s no point, because nobody else does.”

I understand the futility in her statement. Many people don’t wear masks simply because they don’t care or because they think Covid is over.

If my wife were a cruel or unkind person, it would be easier to accept her refusal to wear a mask. But in my experience, even many kind people—even those on the political Left—can be cruel when it comes to disabled individuals.

Although my wife has struggled with my disability, she is generally a kind person. In my autistic brain, it seems perfectly logical that she should wear a mask to protect me from airborne viruses. Yet, logic loses when it comes to personal choices and disability.

Misconceptions about Covid and masks People think Covid is “just a cold.” Some even believe masks themselves make you ill. I think people don’t mask because of ableism and because they’ve been conditioned to associate masks with the pandemic itself.

It’s the same conditioning that leads them to blame lockdowns and vaccines for Covid, rather than recognising these measures were designed to mitigate its spread.

When people see me in a mask, they’re reminded of the acute phase of the pandemic. My presence confronts them with an uncomfortable truth: their refusal to mask contributes to the deaths and disabling of others. It reveals they may not be as caring as they like to think.

I wish more people would remember the Covid dead and choose to wear a mask to prevent further loss of life.

Why people don’t mask The biggest reason, I believe, is a failure of public health communication over wearing a mask. The government declared Covid “over,” and most people still trust what they’re told. Many would resume masking if asked, but the government is too afraid of the right-wing media and too indifferent to disability to make that request.

Then there’s the pervasive idea of “health supremacy”:

The belief that only people with pre-existing conditions get long Covid.

The notion that a “healthy” immune system can fight off the virus.

The argument that we don’t need vaccines or other preventative measures.

Some even suggest that “living your best life” and going out for brunch are more important than protecting loved ones. The low mortality rate of Covid is used as justification, with a dismissive attitude towards the elderly and those with long Covid.

Many fail to consider the quality of life endured by those with long Covid or the rising number of children affected. Parents, it seems, don’t care enough about their kids, or they’re unaware that long COVID in children has doubled in the past year.

There’s also peer pressure and groupthink. No one wants to stand out by wearing a mask. “If it were really unsafe, wouldn’t everyone else wear one? Wouldn’t the authorities tell us to mask up?”

When I do convince others to wear masks, it’s usually a flimsy surgical one—barely adequate protection.

The personal cost of not wearing a Covid mask If we continue as we are, everyone will eventually develop long Covid. Those who still mask are only delaying the inevitable because we’re so outnumbered.

I know people who’ve lost friendships and family connections over masking. Others restrict their contact with loved ones to stay safe. Some have even been lied to by family members about masking.

And all because people must have brunch.

It feels grossly unfair to be forced to choose between family and health. For me, it’s not just about Covid. With a weakened immune system, other airborne viruses are just as harmful. Every cold or similar illness sets me back by months.

The fatalist in me whispers: stop masking. If no one else is wearing a mask, why fight it – just let long Covid take me. Every reinfection only worsens my condition.

A systemic failure The government—New Labour or otherwise—has shown little interest in preventing the spread of Covid or developing treatments for long Covid. The societal denial of this reality is overwhelming.

Until we build a society and government centred on community and care instead of selfish individualism, we’re doomed. Is thinking of others really too much to ask?

If only long Covid weren’t an invisible disability. If it caused something visible—like the loss of a limb—perhaps people would be forced to act.

The point of wearing a mask: not just for Covid Here’s why masking matters:

It reduces your viral load if you get infected.

It sets a good example for others.

It shows courage and strength.

It protects vulnerable people, including the disabled, chronically ill, and immunosuppressed.

It proves you have empathy and intelligence.

#mask up #public health #wear a mask #wear a respirator #pandemic #covid #covid 19 #still coviding #coronavirus #sars cov 2

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just-a-creep-babe · 18 hours ago

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Cabin Catastrophes

(Masky x OC x Hoodie x X-Virus NSFW)

This one's definitely a different one, so thank you so much to @taboo-delusion for giving me the chance to try smthg new with this commission!! ^^ I hope it's to your liking~

Also feels like I should give a heads-up just because it's so different, but this contains fairly heavy pet/little play & the OC is a hermaphrodite, meaning they have both genitals! So please keep that in mind & maybe don't read this one if that's not your thing ^^;

Requests are closed but commissions are open!

Masterlist: x

The road to the cabin was, all things considered, fairly smooth

It shouldn't have come as a surprise since this was one of the nicer safehouses, but Jack always expected pure shit roads whenever he drove down these paths

He snuck a peak at his pet quietly sitting next to him in the passenger seat

They'd been well-behaved the whole drive, not that they were usually a handful to deal with, and they seemed perfectly content with watching the trees passing by outside the window

Jack returned his attention to the road, and tried to take a few deep breaths to relax

He didn't want his nervousness to show through—he didn’t want his stress to rub off on them

He was placing them in safe hands, after all; it wasn't like he was just dumping them off to people he didn't trust

Still, it'd be the first time they'd be apart since he took them in, and it'd be the first time any of the creeps even saw them in the first place

So, really, there was plenty to be worried about

The dropoff, however, thankfully didn’t go as badly as he was afraid it would

The proxies’ reactions to seeing his pet were... understandable, at the very least

And although he was reluctant to leave them there, he knew he didn't have a choice

The mission was going to be long; he couldn't just abandon them until he made it back

At this point, all Jack could do was pray everything would go over smoothly

"So, what's it like having a tail?" Cody asked what might've just been his hundredth question within the last hour, all while resisting the urge to stroke Ellacie's tail

Masky groaned, growing increasingly sick of Cody's endless stream of questions

But as he looked at the hybrid, even he couldn't help but wonder the answer

Their tail was long, almost as long as their whole body, and it was as white as their ears and hair

It looked ridiculously soft, and he, admittedly, kind of also wanted to stroke it

In a strange, almost ethereal kind of way, Jack's pet was... kind of beautiful

The cat hybrid, however, didn't pay either of them much mind

No, they were much too distracted for that

All they could focus on was the bright red dot, which jerked randomly across the room as Hoodie flicked the laser pointer around

It was cute, Hoodie thought as he played with them, they were cute

He bounced the light from one spot on the floor, then to another, then onto the coffee table and back to the floor

The three proxies watched in a mix of curiosity and amusement as Ellacie chased the dot like a predator in a hunt

They'd been playing with them for the better part of the morning now, all thanks to the many toys and goodies Jack had packed with them in a duffel bag

Curiosity getting the better of him, while Hoodie was taking up their attention, Cody made his way to the duffel bag

There were plenty of comfort items, like blankets and plushies, in case his pet got homesick

There was even one of Jack's shirts, neatly folded at the bottom of the bag, sitting next to a jar of what almost looked like dried spices

"What's this?"

Cody pulled the jar out and shook its contents around

When no one answered, he repeated himself

"Yo," he said, louder this time, "you guys know what this is?"

Almost as soon as he showed the jar off, Ellacie stopped chasing the laser

They made what sounded halfway between a chirp and a purr, all of their attention now turned to Cody, as if, whatever was in the jar, they wanted it

"...Huh?"

Cody shook the jar again, and Ellacie practically meowed

Their long tail flicked back and forth behind them, and they tilted their cute little head to the side

"Catnip," they explained, looking up at Cody expectantly

Cody, uncertain as to what to do, looked up to the older proxies

Masky shrugged, but Hoodie seemed to hesitate

"I don't know," Hoodie answered, "How much should you give? Didn't Jack have a list of instructions for that kind of stuff?"

Cody looked at the jar of catnip, then at Ellacie, who looked up at him through long, pale lashes

And, eventually, he just shrugged

"It's just catnip—what's the harm? I'm sure it'll be fine..."

For the rest of that day, Ellacie was remarkably mellowed out

When Cody read through Jack's instructions, he realized that he maybe gave them a tad too much catnip

Jack had left some cryptic warning about doing so, but it was kind of too late for that; the damage had already been done

And so, with a dismissive shrug, he told himself he'd keep a closer eye on them, but he didn't think much more of it

It's only the following day that Ellacie started acting a bit... off

They weren't as verbal as they'd been the day before, and they seemed especially needy

They kept insisting on getting pet, and whenever they did, they purred—loudly

The proxies all assumed it was because they were getting homesick, so they did their best to accommodate them

And, really, it's not like any of them minded giving them more attention

Their fur was just as soft as it looked, if not softer, and their purrs were so comforting—how could the proxies not enjoy it?

They didn't notice that the hybrid seemed particularly eager to get scented—not that the proxies would've known what that entailed, anyways

Nor did they notice the way they subtly rubbed themselves against anything they could, or the way their shorts looked tighter around their crotch, or the way their pupils were dilated much more than usual

It's only later that night that they noticed—or, rather, heard—that something was definitely up

It was a few hours after they'd gotten to bed when, through the thin walls of the cabin, they heard what sounded like whimpering from the guest bedroom

Cody was the first to investigate, but once in front of the pet's closed door, he was too nervous to walk in

He didn't want to invade their privacy, despite being concerned, and while he was standing there, hesitating, Hoodie came by, summoned by the sound as well

"What's going on?" he asked

Cody hesitated, "I think they're... I think they're crying?"

"Crying?"

Cody nodded

"Yeah, did you see how needy they were today? I think they really miss Jack. I feel bad, I don't know what to do. I don't know if there's anything we can do"

Hoodie folded his arms over his chest

"Christ. It's only—what—the third day or something? We're not even halfway through the week and they already miss Jack that badly?"

As they were trying to think of what to do, Masky eventually joined them

"The hell are you guys doing?" he asked, his voice groggy like he’d just been on the verge of falling asleep

Both proxies turned to look at him

Cody opened his mouth to answer, but he stopped himself as a particularly loud whimper interrupted him

"We're trying to figure out how to comfort them," Hoodie finally explained. "We thought about bringing them Jack's shirt—the one that was in the duffel bag, but we can't find it. We don't know where it went"

"...What do you mean you don't know where it went?"

Hoodie shrugged, "Don't know. Guess we lost it somehow"

Masky shook his head, and the whimpering seemed to grow louder again

"Whatever," he said, "I don't think we should just leave them crying alone all night"

And so, without delaying things further, Masky reached for the handle, twisted it, and opened the door

Nothing could've prepared them for what they walked in on

The hybrid had turned the room into what could've only been described as a nest

All of the blankets and plushies Jack had packed were scattered around the bed, including Jack's missing shirt

The smell of sex and desperation was thick in the air as the hybrid—completely naked—lay at the center of it all

Flushed and panting with their head down and their ass up, they were grinding on a pillow like their life depended on it

Their tail flicked back and forth with every roll of their hips, and their ears twitched with the steady waves of pleasure

They had a dazed kind of look in their eyes, and every time they moaned and whimpered, their tongue would stick out to reveal a piercing none of the proxies had even realized they had

They looked so beautifully, utterly depraved

All at once, the proxies realized; they hadn't been crying; they were in heat

“Woah…” Cody was the first to break the silence

None of them knew what to do, and they just couldn’t bring themselves to walk away

They were entranced

Every time the hybrid jerked their hips forward, the blushing tip of their cock would twitch against the pillow, and they'd make the cutest little breathy moan

And every time they would roll back, the perfect curve of their ass would peak up from behind, giving the three men the utmost tantalizing view

When they eventually noticed they were no longer alone, they looked up to find their three caretakers looking at them

But they didn't look the least bit embarrassed

Instead, they kept rutting against the pillow like they couldn’t help themselves, like they couldn’t stop

They were desperate

When they mewled out a needy plea, it’s like something within the proxies snapped

Masky was the first to act

He made his way to the bed, hooked a finger in the loop of their collar, and without saying a word, he yanked them up to a heated kiss

They whimpered against him, their thighs shaking as their cock throbbed and quivered in need

It was wrong

Even as Masky parted his lips to allow his tongue to taste theirs, he knew he shouldn't be doing this

They were EJ's pet, of all things

EJ—the demon known for being possessive, known for marking his territory and annihilating anyone who touched what was his

But Masky didn't care

If anything, it just turned him on even more, knowing that he shouldn’t be doing this

As his tongue stroked the inside of the hybrid’s mouth, he realized the roof of their mouth was barbed

Combined with their piercing clashing against his tongue and teeth, it nearly made Masky snarl

God, he wanted to claim this pet, he realized

Screw whatever consequences would follow after this; he wanted them

Hoodie, on the other hand, wasn't even thinking about EJ as he made his way to the other side of the bed

Seeing the hybrid's ass practically presented to him, he didn't hesitate to lay his hands on it

His strong, calloused finger kneaded the soft skin, only ever pausing to give the occasional playful smack and watch their flesh jiggle from the movement

All while this was happening, Cody couldn't help but stare

He watched in amazement as the hybrid shuddered between the two strong men

And when Masky yanked on their collar even harder, they whimpered, squirming and wriggling like their heat was only getting stronger

A bead of precum dribbled out from the tip of their cock, and it's like the sight of it snapped Cody out of his trance

He joined the three to wrap his hand around the hybrid's shaft

And at the contact, the hybrid immediately mewled and pushed their aching cock further into his touch

Cody hummed, all too pleased with himself

He wrapped his fist around the shaft, brought his thumb to the slit and smeared precum all over his tip

Ellacie nearly cried out against Masky, their tail going stiff as their ears twitched from the stimulation

They broke the kiss, panting, and with desperation thick in their voice, they whimpered

“Please—n-need relief”

How could Cody say no to that?

He jerked his fist to the base, then moved all the way back up again before repeating the motion

He set a slow, steady pace at first, but with every reaction he managed to pull from the pet, it only encouraged him to move faster, harder

Ellacie's face contorted in pleasure

Their eyes squeezed shut, brows furrowing in concentration as their otherwise pale face flushed with heat

They arched their back up, and it gave Masky the perfect opportunity to lean down and suck their nipple

It made them moan so much louder

They were utterly shameless in how vocal they were being—and it spurred the proxies on so much more

Hoodie gave another smack!—harder, more punishing this time—and the hybrid’s body nearly vibrated from the feeling

They'd never gotten this much attention all at once—it was overwhelming

Try as they might to express that they needed to be filled, every time they opened their mouth, all that would escape were breathy whimpers and desperate little pants

But even despite that, it wasn't difficult for the proxies to guess what they wanted

One final smack! to their ass, and then Hoodie hummed out, "You're going to be a good little kitty, aren't you?"

Ellacie nodded eagerly as they whimpered, trying to wriggle their ass closer up against him

They needed him to claim them

"Atta kitty~" came his husky response, followed by the sound of him pulling his zipper down and undoing his pants

His cock twitched between their asscheeks, and with another whine, Ellacie tried to grind themselves against him

Hoodie, noticing what they were trying to do, chuckled

He manhandled them up onto his lap, and it's only then, only once he raised them off the pillow, that Masky and Cody finally saw what else was between their legs

"Jesus, fuck," Masky groaned at the sight

He undid his own pants, freeing his heavy cock, with his sight zeroed in on the prize

"They have—they have both!?"

Cody couldn't believe what he was seeing

Beneath their cock was a slit, complete with a clit and a wonderfully inviting entrance

Their pussy was dripping with arousal, their folds red and swollen and their pretty clit perfectly on display

Hoodie, feeling their slick smear over his thighs, tapped his cock between their legs

He hummed in pleasant surprise at what he felt, and then he rubbed his cock between their folds, getting it soaked in their juices with a huff like a moan

"Fuck, no wonder Jack's been hiding them from us. Greedy bastard just wanted them all to himself, didn't he?"

A few more taps between their legs was all the waiting he could handle before finally spearing them onto his cock

The hybrid mewled as Hoodie finally took them from behind

Their open hole clenched and fluttered around nothing, looking all the more enticing to the two proxies in front of them

Once their ass was completely stuffed, their eyes glazed over, mouth falling open in a silent moan, and they already looked so deliciously fucked

Masky didn't hesitate before bringing his own tip up and down their open slit

He moved their thighs down onto his shoulders, and in one simple motion, he pushed all the way into them

The pet cried out in bliss, their head falling back and their mouth falling open once again

"A-ah!~"

Cody realized he couldn't take any more

He didn't want to be left out—he wanted them wrapped up around his dick too

At the sight of their parted lips, panting and moaning to reveal that tongue piercing—how could Cody not want to fuck their mouth?

So as Masky and Hoodie both used Ellacie at their own separate paces, Cody shifted his attention to their mouth

They looked so, so sinfully cute all fucked-out taking two dicks at once

And Cody could only imagine how perfect they'd look taking three

Every time they bounced from the thrusts, Cody used the opportunity to smack his tip against their cheek

He smeared precum over their face, and the next time they moaned, he tapped his cock against their tongue and into their mouth

As soon as they closed their mouth, Cody swore he saw stars

The feeling of their barbed mouth combined with the piercing was heaven

His hips jerked forward of their own accord, and he moaned

He could see why Jack liked his pet so much

He knew he should probably be gentle; he should probably take it slow and easy considering they were also busy satisfying two other men

But fuck, he couldn’t help it

Hands tangling in their soft white hair near their twitching ears, he used his grip as leverage to pump himself in and out of their lips

Ellacie had already felt stuffed before, but now—now it was like their brain had completely turned to mush

They were euphoric

Their eyes rolled back, spit and drool dribbling down onto their chin as their slick and precum made a mess between their thighs

They kept clenching around both men, and every time Masky pushed his hips forward, their cock would rub against his stomach, giving them even more stimulation

They knew they couldn’t last long—how could they?

The combination of everyone going at a different pace was beyond overwhelming

Masky brought his hands up to pinch at their nipples, and Cody cursed out a slew of filthy praises as his dick hit the very back of their throat

They gagged, tears threatening to spill, and almost as if to make up for their lack of oxygen, Hoodie reached around to jerk their dick off

If Cody wasn’t already halfway down their throat, their moan would’ve been the loudest one yet

But now all that escaped was a muffled vibration, which had Cody stuttering and doubling over to grip at the crown of their head

As if he couldn't help himself, he forced them all the way down until their nose was touching his pelvis

“J-jesus—fuck!—“

Choking on the youngest proxy had their walls tightening

Masky and Hoodie groaned as it felt like they were sucking them in—almost unbearably so

When Hoodie murmured out the praise of them being a "good, filthy little kitty~" it was all the encouragement they needed to spill over

All of their muscles tightened at once

Their nerves burned from the simulation

Body moving of its own accord, their hips jerked forward and they came—hard

Their sex tensed and they released their seed all over themselves

Masky cursed at the sight—god, they looked so absolutely filthy

His pace grew more frantic, like all he could think about was adding his own touch to the mess

And when the additional stimulation had Ellacie clenching—hard—it was enough to bring Hoodie over the edge as well

With a low, gravelly cuss, the proxy slammed all the way into them— until his balls were nearly touching their slit

And his dick twitched and throbbed between their walls as he finally released his cum as deeply as he possibly could inside EJ's beloved pet

Their incessant moans and whimpers were also becoming too much for Cody to handle

When he looked down to find their blissed-out expression, looking so fucking sinful, he couldn’t help himself either

He came as well—halfway in their mouth, and the other half splattering on their face

His seed dripped down onto their chest, adding to the mess they'd already made over themselves

And then all it took was a few more thrusts from Masky before, like Cody, he also spilled himself partly inside their sex and partly on the hybrid

There was so much of it

Really, it was like the three had done it on purpose; they'd all covered the pet as if they were marking their new territory

Once everyone's climaxes died down, the proxies all pulled away from Ellacie to enjoy the sight

The hybrid had never gotten covered in so much cum at once

They were reduced to a twitching, satisfied mess, and they looked too dazed to properly form a thought—much less a coherent sentence

Hoodie chuckled

He was holding back the urge to snap a picture of them—just to serve as a reminder

“Y’know," he hummed, "I usually offer something to clean up, but maybe they should stay like that for a while. I like the way it looks on them~”

Masky snorted

He gathered cum between two fingers and smeared it across their chest and nipples, and then brought it up to their mouth for them to taste it

When they did so without hesitating, Masky realized he wanted to go for another round

“Y’know, maybe pet sitting isn’t all that bad, after all,” he decided

"Maybe EJ should drop them off to us more often from now on~"

#creepypasta #crp #creepypasta smut #Masky #hoodie #x virus

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