#trust me IM SO CLOSE!!!!!! (a few thousand words away... slow rip)

[habibisagi]

i want to finish bff isagi so bad so i can work on childhood friends to lovers rin............

[fanfic-cave]

Abandoned

Rating: SFW/PG-13 (although theres kissing and stuff if you dont want to read that in public)

Word Count: 2.2k

Pairing: Hunter x Fem Jedi!OC

Warnings: Angst, fighting and arguing, talks about order 66/jedi being killed, making out it gets a little heated ya’ll

Summary: Hunter has discovered Sera's intentions to abandon the team and leave. The have an argument, amongst other things. Does she stay, or will she leave the bad batch for good?

Authors note: More OC stuff, I just get scenes in my head and I have to write them out. This is the furthest ahead ive gotten in the story I think. I have ideas of other things (which kinda get hinted at here), but im not sure how exactly I want to accomplish them.

Be sure to check out my post and put in your 2 cents on what I should write next!

Tags: @mangoberry99

You walked into the small, dark room, with Hunter right on your heels. He was definitely mad at you.

You tightened the mask on your face, and kept your hood up. Hunter switched the lights on and shut the door. “You were going to leave?” Hunters voice was raised, practically growling. He whipped around to look at you, his eyebrows arched and nostrils flaring. Yup. Pissed.

“I don’t expect you to understand.” You folded your arms defensively. “Just cause you’re a Jedi?” Hunter spoke loudly. “You owe us an explanation.” Somehow you thought Hunter really meant that you owed him an explanation.

You turned your face away, saying nothing. You didn’t feel obliged to share anything, you just wanted to retreat and hide like you always had. Hunters mouth turned down into a frown, and you could tell he was getting more upset. “I hate to break it to you, but being a Jedi doesn’t make you more special or different than the rest of us-"

“Hold on a damn minute-" you interjected, uncrossing your arms.

“And you don’t get to shut us out just because you are one.” He spat it out and you felt your face heat up with anger. “You were going to go without saying goodbye, Sera. You realized how messed up that is?” He was yelling now.

“I told you, you wouldn’t understand!” You yelled back. Your hands balled up into fists.

“No, I don’t! How could you befriend us, gain our trust, and just leave? Omega-"

“Don’t.” you interrupted before he could finish. Your voice had lowered in pitch, but it was loud and it echoed around the room. “Don’t bring her into this.” You were doing this to protect them, especially her. You didn’t want him to guilt trip you by using her.

“It would’ve destroyed her. You can’t face that? That you were going to abandon her?”

“You have no right-!” You turned to face him, pointing a finger at him and walking up to him.

“Take that damn thing off.” Hunter said. You froze. You knew he was referring to the mask. He stared at you with a hard look on his face, still fuming with anger. “I said take it off.” He ordered.

You yanked it off and threw it at his feet, hoping to hit his foot. He easily moved his left foot to avoid getting hit. “Happy?” You threw up your hands as you said it, venom laced in your tone. Your mask felt like your defense, a protection. You felt safe with it, and you had worn it since abandoning the clone wars and the Jedi order. You felt too vulnerable and exposed without it right now.

“Don’t lecture me, I know what I was doing, and I-" your voice cracked. You took a step back and took a breath. “I thought it was better than the alternative.” Your voice was quieter now. You looked down, then you turned around, your back to him. You didn’t want to see him, to face him. You placed your hands on the table in front of you, leaning forward and taking slow deep breaths.

“How would that be better?” Hunter's voice was lower in volume, matching yours. He seemed upset, but not angry anymore. He sounded hurt, or maybe sad.

You finished another deep breath. “The Jedi are being hunted down. I can only hide for so long.” Your voice was much quieter now, barely above a whisper. You felt weight on your chest as you said it. You crossed your arms and hugged yourself, trying to squeeze away the tight feeling in your chest. Once you started, you couldn’t stop. “I could feel it when the Jedi were killed, Hunter. Thousands of voices being silenced. And now, I can feel it.” Hunter waited for you to finish. “The Empire knows there are hidden Jedi across the galaxy, and they’re going to come and find us.”

You turned to face him, tears in your eyes. Hunter looked worried as he listened to you, watching your movements. “If you’re with me, you could all be killed.” You choked out the last part, the tears coming out. You covered your mouth with your hands, trying to hold in the cries that escaped your mouth.

You squeezed your eyes tight and couldn’t see, but you felt arms wrapped around your shoulders and pulled you in. You received the hug and wrapped your arms around Hunters torso, then buried your face into his chest. You couldn’t keep it in anymore, the sobbing escaping you, ripping through your chest.

“Shh,” Hunter quietly began comforting you. You felt his hand stroking your hair, the other arm squeezing you tight against him. You held onto him as you cried, like holding him would help you hold yourself together.

You stayed there for a minute, quietly sobbing while Hunter stroked your hair and quieted your cries. After a minute had passed, he spoke. “You remember what I told you when we found out you were a Jedi?” He paused and you waited quietly, tears still rolling down your cheeks. “I said we would protect you.” You had stopped sobbing, and you took shaky breaths in and out.

You felt him kiss the top of your head. You pulled away from his chest to look up at him. He wiped the tears out of your eyes with his thumb. “I promise, I won’t let the Empire kill you,” he had grabbed your chin, and looked into your eyes with intensity as he spoke. You smiled at his optimism. Normally you might argue that he couldn’t guarantee that, but he looked so set in his decision. You didn’t think you could persuade him otherwise.

He leaned in to press his forehead against yours, and you met him halfway, enjoying the moment of closeness. You felt like he was grounding you, keeping you here in the moment instead of fearing for the future. “Is this okay?” You felt his breath hit your face as he spoke. It was warm, and he smelled nice. You nodded. He squeezed you around the waist and pulled you in tighter, your hips now touching.

You felt your heart skip a beat. You two had never been quite this affectionate. You had an idea that Hunter might feel something more than friendship towards you. There had been moments, exchanged glances, lingering touches. Conversation where you both opened up, and had been vulnerable with each other. You already knew how you felt, but never were quite sure where exactly he stood.

You opened your eyes, and examined his face. You could see details that you couldn’t make out without being this close. The details in his tattoos, the shape of his eyes, of his face, his mouth. You felt yourself become more brave. You tilted your face to the right, your nose skimming past his. His lips were not even an inch away from yours now.

You saw Hunter's eyes open, and he was watching you. You waited, not wanting to advance more without permission. You held eye contact for a moment. He looked at you questioningly, processing what you were doing. You waited for him to pull away or come closer. You quietly froze there, the two of you only breathing and examining each other in your closeness, neither of you sure what would happen. You found yourself getting lost in his brown eyes for that short moment.

Suddenly Hunters lips were against yours, his hand at the back of your neck, fingers reaching into your hair. You breathed in through your nose, and your bodies began to move together. You felt yourself rise up to your toes to reach him, to get closer. Your arms were still wrapped around his torso, and you pulled yourself closer to him, just as his other hand gently pushed you in from the small of your back, trying to close every gap between your bodies.

After a minute, Hunter pulled away to allow yourselves a second to breath. He studied your face, like he was trying to memorize it. “It’s about damn time.” You said between breaths, and he laughed. His eyes seemed to light up with excitement. You reached up to his neck and brought him back in. You felt a burning in your chest as you continued kissing him. You wrapped your fingers around his biceps, and began to push him towards the nearest wall. He let you move him, his arms around your waist, making sure you came right along with him. You went back up on your toes, reaching to kiss him.

Hunters hands shifted away from you, then you felt them grab you underneath your thighs. You were suddenly lifted up, your legs reflexively wrapping around him. You gasped and broke from the kiss, holding onto him to keep yourself from falling.

“I’ve got you.” He spoke confidently, placing one hand on your shoulder as the other fully held you up. Then, he took a few steps and set you down on the table. Your face was now an even height with his. You made a face “You think I’m too short to kiss you?” You huffed out. Hunter smiled and said “You are kinda short-“

“Oh shut up.” You grabbed his shoulders and forcefully brought him back in. You tightened your legs on him, as if trying to lock him in place. He had one hand on your hip, the other touched the back of your shoulder where your bare skin was exposed. It felt like a fire was ignited where his fingertips met your skin. Hunter broke away and planted kisses on your cheek, then he moved to your jaw. You felt yourself reach at his shirt on his back, tempted to start pulling at it. You felt intoxicated by the moment, drinking in the bliss you felt as his kisses moved to your neck.

Wait. How did I get here again?

You released him and pulled away gently as the thought crossed your mind. Hunter stopped and took a step back from you, being sure to give you space if you wanted it. Your legs no longer were wrapped around him, you sat on the table and Hunter stood just a foot away from you. “Did I overstep?” Hunter asked. He watched you carefully, concern written all over his face.

“No, no I loved that Hunter,” you reached your hand out and grabbed his. You gave him a reassuring squeeze. “I’m just trying to process. Weren’t we just fighting?” You looked back up at him. He looked up, trying to recall the events. “Right, and then you were crying-“

“And now we’re kissing.” You laughed and shook your head. “That really escalated huh?” You looked back up to him as you spoke. Hunter was smiling, he looked genuinely happy.

You ran your hand through your hair, your braid now very much messed up. You began to undo it. Hunters smile faded and his eyebrows knitted together.

“What is it?” You asked.

“You won’t leave, right?” He asked, the brooding expression you were all too familiar with was set back onto his face.

“Oh.” Right, I was going to leave. You felt your heart squeeze. “No, I don’t think I will.” You said after thinking. Hunter sighed in relief. “Good.” He approached you again, wrapping his arms around your waist. “I wouldn’t let you anyways.” You raised your eyebrows at him. “Oh, you wouldn’t let me?” Like he could stop me. You kept that thought in your head.

“No.” He spoke firmly. His eyes locked with yours, and he looked determined. “I know the empire is hunting down the last of the Jedi, but we’re not exactly on good terms with them either.” You listened as he spoke.

“I don’t like the thought of you trying to survive on your own. I’ve always had my brothers, and having a squad, or a family, to rely on has gotten us all through it. I want you to rely on us, let us help you.” He put a hand on your cheek as he finished, and leaned in closer to you. He looked almost sad as he said it. You realized if he really cared about you, the thought of you leaving must hurt as much as leaving him would’ve hurt you.

You took a deep breath, then spoke. “Since I left the order, and the war, I’ve always been on my own. Having someone to rely on again has been a bit of an adjustment.” Hunter kept his eyes fixed on you, hand still on your cheek. You moved to put your hand on top of his. “I’m still learning how not to run, and I don’t want to run from you.” You squeezed his hand and looked into his eyes. “Honestly, I think I love you.”

Hunters eyes widened a bit as you said it. You smiled and you could feel yourself blushing. Now, though, you weren’t ashamed.

You saw Hunters eyes move to the door and back to you. Then you heard foot steps and Omega calling for Hunter. “I love you too.” He whispered it, and the door opened.

I know. You mouthed it, then slid off the table to stand next to him. You could practically hear him roll his eyes and you smiled.

I don’t think I could leave now. Not even if I wanted to.

[just-one-random-rat]

Something I wrote for our favourite cat lover. Happy Birthday Satan!

Miracle

„I’m a curse.“

Satan’s voice was hushed, his face pressed against the soft skin which stretched over your collar bone. You blinked, trying to push his body away from yours to take a better look at his face, but his grip on you was strong and he didn’t budge. Instead, he just buried his face deeper in your chest, trying desperately to escape from whatever thoughts were plaguing him. Today, on all days. On his own birthday.

„Why would you think that?“

Your voice was just as soft as you brushed your fingers through strands of golden hair, the soft texture tickling your fingertips and the scent of his shampoo filling our nose. You tried to take a look at your lover’s face once again, but he still refused to move even an inch away from your comforting presence. His breathing echoed loudly in the otherwise silent room, the light already dimmed and curtains pulled shut, everything prepared for a good night’s rest. But you boyfriend couldn’t even think of sleeping. Not when his thoughts crashed and coursed through his mind like a wave, ripping every ounce of the tranquility he usually felt when he was with you into deep, dark depths. How did he even deserve somebody as loving and caring as you? Suddenly, he wasn’t sure.

As the storm flooded his mind further the first drops of tears escaped emerald eyes, twinkling like tiny specs of the starry sky hiding behind the closed curtains as they ran down his face to soak into the fabric of your nightshirt. A choked up sob escaped his mouth and he cursed himself for showing you this weak, unsightly side of him. Only your voice ripped him out of the masses of water in which he threatened to drown.

„Satan, talk to me. Why would you think that?“ Your voice was soft and warm, like the beams of sunlight which graced his face when he had time to visit the human realm. It was a stark contrast to the icy cold of the water, grounding him and giving him the opportunity to take a deep breath.

With a shuddering intake of air, he hoisted himself up onto his arms, tearful gaze shying away from your eyes. How could he? How could he look into your eyes when he was a being made out of wrath, all consuming and burning every inch of logical thought as soon as his rage came to light? How could he, burning alive and raging in fire, how could he be drowning at the same time, shivering and shaking when the flames in his heart should be keeping him warm? He didn’t know. Thousands of years of knowledge, of experience, and yet he couldn’t fathom how he was able to be with you, when he was only tainting the shining and shimmering light you were. And how could he be sure that you really loved him?

His answer came in the form of your hands cradling his face, fingers brushing over cheeks to wipe away the teardrops caught in golden lashes and small streams on his skin. The loving look in your eyes was too genuine to ever be fake, the small cease in your eyebrows and the pursing of your lips told a story of their own. Even if his fears weighed him down like stones bound to his feet, he knew deep down that he could trust you. That you, with your angelic voice and laughter that made his heart skip a beat, you with eyes which seemed to hold his entire universe would not leave him because of what he was.

And with a heart-wrenching wail, he broke. He shattered into shambles right into your lap, trusting you to pick him up and put him back together. Trusting you to look at him and see him, the real him, not just the facade of the avatar of wrath which everybody knew. He was laying himself bare in front of you, stripped of all layers of protection. Horns breaking out of skin and tail trashing around behind him, because he couldn’t comprehend the raw truth of the thoughts he was about to share with you.

„Just look at me!“, he demanded, voice breaking and hands pulling on his own hair in desperation. „I am nothing but my sin! I feel like I am not even a person, nothing but a manifestation of Lucifer’s hate towards his father. What am I if not a punishment from god? A reminder to Lucifer that his own wrath which was his downfall was so powerful that he couldn’t contain it in his own body? What am I if not a curse? I should be thankful that they even kept me around, let alone took care of me, if they could have very well just thrown me out as an infant like the wicked creature as which I was born? How can a curse like me love somebody like you?!“

His voice cracked and got quieter as he rambled, ebbing down to a whisper as he ushered the last words. And although the waves crashing in his head seemed to have stopped, the silence which followed his speech was just as deafening as the bottom of the ocean, taking his breath away and crushing his body under tons of pressure. His head was spinning and he could hear his own blood rushing through his body, his heart beating way too fast and way too slow at the same time. He felt like there was water in his lungs and he coughed, sitting up to cover his moth with one hand. Eyes pressed shut, he didn’t want to look at you, afraid that he would see rejection. That you would laugh at him.

But then, just when he felt like drowning all over again, your voice reached his ears. Like a ray of light. Like home.

„I don’t think that you are a curse.“

Careful fingers reached out and pried his hands off his face with almost no resistance from his side. Fleeting touches grazed over the clammy skin of his face and a gust of your breath seemed to cool down his skin even more until you pressed one kiss onto each of his closed eyelids, his forehead, his nose. Your arms reached around him and pulled him towards you and he fell into you like his brothers once plummeted down from heaven. Your warmth embraced him as you cradled his head against your chest like a babe, giving im the security he was searching for so desperately.

„Think about it.“ Your murmur reached his ears while your brushed through his hair again, detangling the knots he had managed to fabricate by ruffling through it earlier. Your fingers bumped against the base of his horns and a shiver wrecked his body, prompting him to press himself even closer to you. His tail curled around your forms, pressed together so tightly as if you wanted to become one.

„I think that you are more of a miracle, you know. A sign that even such horrible things like the fall of your brothers can be an opportunity for something new. You were a newborn child, the symbol of new beginning. Innocence. You gave your brothers something which they could protect. Something they could focus on instead of being consumed by their fear, their grief, their sins.“

Your hands had stopped brushing through his hair and now presumed to glide over his horns, over the bumps and rides as you stared off into space. You didn’t notice that Satan had opened his eyes and was looking at you in awe, that he had stopped tearing into his lips with sharp teeth, that his tail was laying still next to you, entirely hypnotized by your words. You didn’t notice that the constant stream of tears had stopped as you continued musing.

„I think that you saved them, in some way. Especially Lucifer. He had just lost his sister, and while he wasn’t very fond of the way you came to be, this doesn’t translate to you as a person. He dislikes the reason you were born, not you. You didn’t have a choice. He knows that.“

Your eyes met his again and with a bashful smile, a quiet chuckle escaped you as you looked at your lover in adoration. „Does that even make sense?“

„It does.“ Satan’s voice was nothing above a whisper, you had to strain your ears to even understand it, but you did. Forest green orbs looked up at you in pure awe, filled to the brim with emotions which he didn’t know how to express. But he knew that he didn’t have to. You would understand him anyways.

And with a jolt, he pushed himself up and let his lips crash against yours with burning passion. He almost moaned at the feeling of your soft skin against his, opening his mouth and seemingly wanting to devour you whole. To show you how thankful he was, to express what he couldn’t explain in words. How much he loved you.

The both of you only separated when the lack of air became too much, gasping for breath but still refusing to let go of each other. With a sigh, he brushed his nose against yours, eyes halfway closed and breathing still labored.

„We loved with a love that was more than love“, he whispered against your lips as he dove in to kiss you again and you chuckled. Of course he had to recite some sort of poem about love. This was Satan, after all. But he couldn’t focus on the sound of your laughter, clear and bell-like as always. All he could focus on was the warmth that spread through his body as his lips met yours, a dazed look in his eyes and a small flame spreading in his body.

Oh, how he loved you. How much he owed you. He felt like he could never express these feelings, even if the stars fell down and the sun stopped shining because time was coming to an end. With you, every second felt like eternity, and he never wanted it to stop. He never wanted to drown again and he knew that even in a few years, even on his birthday,- a day he had dreaded beyond all imagination because of what it reminded him of - that even then, you would be there to pull him out if the ocean.

„You are my miracle.“ Your hushed tone prompted one last tear to drip down his cheeks, and you reached up to kiss it away. He smiled at you, teary-eyed and thankful beyond words, and you looked at him like he was your whole world.

„Thank you, my love.“ His voiced was strained from crying and yelling, but he knew that you wouldn’t mind. That you would accept him no matter what. Exhaustion had settled into his limbs and without saying a thing you pulled him down against your warm body, grabbing the soft blanket and spreading it over the both of you. Satan settled down with his nose pressed against your neck, arms wrapped around your body and your scent comforting him. He shivered as your hand drew small circles onto his back and his eyes fluttered shut with a soft sigh, gliding into peaceful slumber for the first time ever on his own birthday. Because he knew you were there. Because he knew that you loved him dearly.

Because to him, you were a miracle on your own.

[namjoonsteeth]

Ruin The Friendship (part IV)

Title: Ruin The Friendship (mini-series) Part 4

Word-Count: 6.4k

Pairing: Jay Park/ Reader (kinda)

Summary: Best friends to lovers. Inspired by Ruin The Friendship - Demi Lovato.

Genre: Smutty Fluff

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 5

We fall into a routine.

He’s working on an album right now on top of tons of collaborations. In the morning, I can account for him to be either at the studio or the gym. I work at my studio with Bora preparing for award season. We book a lot of consultations and do hours of research to the point that we could name menswear by designer from this season.

At night Jay’s at the studio. He works into the morning often, sending me snippets of him singing riffs. Sometimes, he’s at my door at two o’clock in the morning, a sleepy smile on his face. Other times it’s me, climbing in his bed waiting until he slips in beside me.

We talk a lot. We talk about how different our lives are compared to how we thought it would be. We talk about each other, we talk about love and hope, and wanting more still.

We have sex; slow, hot, and tired; rough, knee-shaking, fucks; quick mid-day romps that leave us wanting more but holds us over until we can get our hands on each other again.

Most importantly, we laugh. I’ve long since gotten used to the universe knowing that I’m in love with my best friend. Sometimes I wonder exactly what it is about him that made it essential for me to love him the way that I do. I don’t think I’ll ever really get an answer. I just know that he’d always meant to be apart of my life. From childhood to adulthood, we’d found each other again and again.

Jay: I think this is the ugliest picture I have of you.

We’ve been doing this for the past hour. He includes a picture of me that I’m sure is hidden somewhere deep in my parents’ basement back home in Seattle. I’m crying hysterically over a pair of concert tickets on Christmas morning. My hair sticks up in every direction which luckily (I think) draws attention away from the reindeer pajamas my mom pressured my sister and I into wearing. I’m at least sixteen by the way; old enough for this to be the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever laid eyes on.

Y/n: Burn it. You win.

Jay: I’ll delete it if you replace it...

I roll my eyes. The idea of sending nudes has never been something I really scoffed at. I’ve done it at least twice in my life. But there’s just something about how bad Jay wants a photo of my body that he’s sees almost every night that has me feeling a little bit powerful. I’m not ready to relinquish that yet.

Y/n: the porn industry is a million dollar business for a reason

Jay: it’s not the sameee😩😩

Y/n: just delete the damn picture Jay

Jay: nope. I think I found my next WCE picture

Y/n: im not having sex with you until you delete the picture

Jay: 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Jay: Says the girl who begs me to come over at four in the morning.

Dammit. He’s right.

Y/n: That was one time and I was hormonal.

My phone rings, Jay’s face flashing.

“What do you want?”

He laughs and I’m so glad he’s at work instead in front of me because I can’t even pretend to be upset at him when he laughs. Bora shoots me a look from her desks. I think she’s a little confused as to how Jay and I actually like each other when we’re bickering every other minute.

“Is this how you treat me? After I spent all night letting you have your filthy way with me,”

“You’re probably the most annoying person in South Korea,”

“You love me,” he says.

“I do,” I tell him. We don’t say it often. Sometimes I whisper it at night when I’m sure he’s half asleep and the only response I get is his arms tightening around me as if he’s saying, ‘Yeah, me too,’. Or sometimes when he feels too good sliding against me, I think the words so hard that they slip out.

“Did you tell Bora about Henz tonight?”

“I did. She’s in,”

Jay has been working non-stop since he came back from the states two weeks ago. And because he feels like going out tonight, we’re going out. It’s been a while since I’ve been out with Jay and his friends.

The day passes slowly. Bora and I finalize Zino’s look and pack away everything neatly for next week. She laments again about how she’ll be so lonely in LA without me. I assure her that her boyfriend Jin will more than make sure she has a good time. Giving my plane ticket to Jin seems to be becoming more and more of a good idea.

As much as Jay pushed me into the decision a little, I know it was a good one. I can’t lie and pretend that if the tables were turned, I’d be 100% comfortable with him on a weekend trip with someone I’m not fond of. I trust him. I really do, but I’m selfish enough to want every part of him to myself.

By the end of our day, Bora promises to see me in a few hours and we lock up the studio. I take an Uber back to Jay’s place where I’d left an overnight bag for tonight. I sleep until Jay gets in, waking me up by laying his whole body on me.

“Come on, man,” I groan failing to push his heavy body off of me.

He laughs, holding his body rigid like he’s planking.

“Get off of me you weigh so much,” I say tiredly. He rolls over, pulling my body into his arms.

“Come on, baby. Get up, I miss you,”

“I was sleeping,” I groan into his chest. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s getting woken up. He knows this. He’s been on the receiving end of my wrath plenty of times, yet he doesn’t care.

“It’s about to be nine,” he says, his arms around me. I sigh, squeezing my eyes shut.

“I had an alarm set,”

“Too bad,” he laughs. “Get up, it takes you at least four hours to do your makeup,”

“Shut up, it doesn’t,” I yawn and stretch out my body against him. “Give me another hour. Just lay here with me,”

His arm drapes across my face. “Ok, baby,”

I fall asleep again while Jay taps away on his phone, he plays sound clips really quietly, holding the phone to his ear. When it’s time to get up again, I shower and get dressed while he spends another hour in bed. I finish my light make up and by the time I’m done, he’s right where I left him looking like a whole model. He’d changed into a silk patterned top, tucked halfway into his dark jeans. His hair is gelled up a little.

He stands when he sees me, a cute wide smile on his face. He pulls me against his chest. He smells clean, like the soap I’ve been using every time I stay over. A hand moves up my leg, sliding beneath my dress and settling on my ass.

“We have to go,” I smile up at him. My arms come up around his neck, drawing him close.

He brushes his knuckles across my jaw while his other hand squeezes at my flesh. He looks at me like he’s ready to call the whole night off. All he has to do is say a single word and the dress would be on the floor.

“You look beautiful baby,” he tells me. His tongue presses to the corner of his mouth, his eyes going to my lips.

I look down at myself. A curve-hugging basic red T-shirt dress that brushes the top on my thighs, and black high heeled boots that just barely meet the hem. I’d thrown a denim jacket over my shoulders to keep from freezing to death. It’s nothing special by far. There’s no point in doing the most when it’s all going to be thrown on my floor later. I’d be lucky if my impatient boyfriend doesn’t end up ripping some part of this outfit tonight. Still, the way he looks at me makes me feel like I’m the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. And it hits me like a punch to the chest; I’ve seen this look before. When he’d stepped off the plane when he went back home to Seattle all that time ago,  and when he’d picked me up from ICN just three years ago.

I lean up to press my lips against his. His arms flex around my waist, holding me tight against his body. The kiss only lasts a few short seconds, but it’s so sweet I’m not ready to pull away from him yet.

“I’m proud of you,” I tell him. I think I’ve said it a thousand times and yet he just keeps doing more, being better, becoming who he wants to be. I don’t know if I’ll ever be done letting him know. Tonight feels different though. Like we’ve finally arrived where we’ve been meant to be all these years. I’m still right next to him. He’s still rooting for me.

His hands smooth down my dress before he laces his fingers with mine. I reach up to smudge away the red lipstick that’s smudged on the side of his lips. It’s funny how domesticated we’ve become in the last three weeks; easily as if there’s no other way to be.

“Thank you,” he says before pressing his lips against my jaw.

He pulls me through his living room toward the door and I grab my purse on the way out. I follow behind him until we get out front. He moves aside so I can slide in the back of the Uber he’d called for before he slides in beside me. His arm comes around my shoulders.

“Is it bad that I don’t even want to go out anymore?” Jay asks with half a smile, looking at his phone.

I don’t really want to go out either but I think my reasons are completely selfish in comparison to his. He always looks good, but tonight I want to pull him out of that Gucci silk top.

“You can’t work yourself to death,” I tell him, pushing a piece of hair off of his forehead.

“I know, I know. I just,” he trails off for a second, looking out the window of the car. He’s been very introspective lately. I see it on his face. As much as he doesn’t like to let on, I know he’s a little scared. The music industry, especially in the states isn’t guaranteed. He’s willed all of this good stuff to happen on his own, but a record label as big as Roc Nation is a new world. He’s had experiences with a large company before and it almost stopped him in his tracks before he’d had a chance.

“I want to do good,” he says finally.

“I don’t think it’s possible for you not to,” I tell him. “Look at everything you’ve made for yourself, by yourself. You succeed. It’s just what you do,”

“And if I don’t?”

“You’ll still own my heart and this ass,” I joke smiling at him.

He laughs shaking his head at me.

“For whatever it’s worth,” I say seriously. “I’ll be here. I’ve always been here,”

He leans in to kiss me again, his tongue gliding over my bottom lip. It’s making it a little hard for me to be excited about having him out of my bed when he touches me like everything from now on is just a precursor for what’s sure to happen later. I wonder if this is how it always is with everyone else; going through the day just so we can get back to touching each other in the dark away from the world.

When he pulls away I roll my eyes at his mouth. I pull out a makeup remover wipe from my person and wipe his lips before starting to reapply my lipstick.

“Can’t you use like clear or something? I can’t kiss you if you’re wearing that shit,” he pushes his bottom lip out.

“You’re not going to be kissing me at all because you’re going to go have fun with your friends while Bora and I stay on the dance floor,”

As always it’ll be a big deal when Jay shows up tonight. He commands the attention regardless of the occasion. Tonight is all about him, and I want him to have as much fun as he usually does without looking over at me every few seconds.

We pull up to Henz before he can say anything. I see Bora and her boyfriend Jin waiting outside for us. The line wraps around the building as if word got out that Jay would be in tonight. He grabs my hand, pulling me behind him as we exit the car. We greet Bora and Jin as Jay guides us toward the entrance, bypassing the line. I shake myself free of Jay.

“Go have fun,” I tell him.

He shoots me a look just as Bora shoos her own boyfriend away. Everyone has already spotted him, pushing him toward the closed-off section some of his friends are in. I’m sure there are tons of people over there that’ll help him celebrate.

“I’m going to get a drink. We’ll meet up with you guys later,”

“You can get a drink brought to you over there,” he yells over the music.

“I’ll text you,” I tell him, blowing a kiss and leaving toward the bar. Bora’s hand finds mine as we make our way through the crowd.

“You’re the only girl I know that would leave Jay Park in a club full of women,”

“I trust him,” I say dodging out of the way of a girl who’s carrying one too many shots.

“I know it’s not him I’m worried about. There are already girls moving to get their hands on him,”

I look behind me to see that she’s right. People are going crazy as he makes his way toward VIP. From here I can see a few aomg and h1ghermusuc guys welcoming him into the small section. The smile on his face is enough to know that I made the right decision to keep my distance for a little while. It’s been a little time since he’d last came out like this, with his friends just to enjoy the night. I don’t want him catering to me like I know he’d do.

“I guess it’s a good thing I’m the only one that gets to take him home then,” I smile at her while we wait for a spot at the bar.

An hour later and Jay and his friends have commandeered the club just as I expected. They all take turns performing their songs and just generally having a good time. When the DJ makes an announcement, shouting out Jay’s new label deal, the club gets amped up just a little more. I can’t keep the stupid grin off of my own face at my boyfriend’s face. He’s happy. He’s enjoying himself, and it’s all that’s ever mattered to me.

He catches my eye, his head tilting for me to come join him at the center of the attention. I shake my head and wave him off. His lips poke out in the cutest pout but he lets it go. Bora and I linger close to the bar, away from the crowd but close enough to keep eyes on our guys.

“It’s kind of amazing how they kind of just turned this into their show,” Bora notes. She watches as Loco takes the mic and the first notes of a song further hype the crowd.

I nod, tilting my drink back until it’s finished. “It’s a little overwhelming,”

“Get used to it, babe,” she tells me. “The way he looks at you, it’s ridiculous that you guys are only just starting out,”

I laugh and look at her. “How does he look at me?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know like he’s always been in love with you. It’s just weird to see you guys be so domesticated so quickly,”

“He’s been my best friend for years,” I remind her.

“How did you watch all of this; the girls and the parties and not feel,” she trails off.

“Jealous? I don’t know. I just knew he’d always belonged in my life in any way he fit, I made room. And he did the same,”

I think about all the times I had to distance myself from him a little because of someone I was dating and he wordlessly just understood. We adjusted.

“You guys are disgusting,” she laughs. I can’t disagree with her.

Suddenly, Bora slaps my arm. Her eyes follow someone who steps up behind me. I look back. It’s Zino. I inwardly roll my eyes at his dimples smirk. He pushes his hair back out of his face.

“What a nice surprise,” he smiles at Bora and me.

“Nice to see you,” Bora greets.

I manage a smile, thinking about the small fight he’d indirectly caused between Jay and I. It wasn’t his fault. In fact, he hasn’t actually done anything wrong. I can’t hold him accountable for anything. After all, Jay was the one who slept with his girlfriend.

“Let me buy you another drink,” he offers, eyeing my empty glass.

“Oh no, I’m good. Thank you anyway,”

Zino nods stuffing his hands in his pockets. An awkward silence falls over the three of us. He works with Bora more than I, so they should be able to hold a decent conversation.

“I’d like to apologize,” he says suddenly, his eyes on me. “I think I must have offended you the other week,”

“No,” I shake my head. I still haven’t figured out a way to explain that my boyfriend doesn’t like him and wants us to not be associated in any way, which is the reason I’ve decided not to go on the free LA trip he’d offered. “It’s ok. I’m just,”

God this is uncomfortable. “We’re busy,” Bora offers for me. “Y/n forgot we had clients booked for award season during next week,”

He twists his lips, chewing on the corner. I don’t know if he’s buying it. Instead of responding, he orders a beer before turning back to us.

“So business is good?”

I nod. “Yeah, everything is good,”

He tilts his beer at the stage. “Jay’s doing well?”

I don’t know why I feel so protective of Jay. I’m immediately on the defensive when Zino mentions his name.

“Yeah, he’s doing really well. He just signed a deal with Roc Nation,”

“I heard,” he says taking another sip of the beer in his hand. Another awkward silence settles around us.

I clear my throat looking around subtly for an excuse to get out of his space. A sudden push in the crowd forces the three of us closer. Zino’s shoulder presses against me. With Bora on my other side, there’s really nowhere to go.

“So, why are you guys not up there with them,” he asks.

I shrug. “It’s a little crazy up there,”

We all look at the guys jumping around up front. It looks fun and I’m sure it is, but it’s a lot. Zino laughs shaking his head as someone stands on a speaker. He reaches behind me to sit his bottle on the bar, his arm brushes my side slightly.

“What about you Bora,” he leans in to look at her on the other side of me. “No boyfriend tonight?”

She gestures behind her. “Jin’s up there somewhere. Probably completely out of his comfort zone, but he’s somewhere in the mix,”

I feel a hand behind me touch my waist. When I turn around, I’m met with my boyfriend’s hard face.

“Let’s go,” he whispers in my ear.

I frown at him. “That’s fine but we can’t just leave Bora here,”

“He’s making his way through,” he says tugging me further away from Zino.

“It’s ok, Y/n, I see him. Text me in the morning,” she says.

Jay leads me through the crowd. When we make it outside, he silently pulls out his phone to call a car. He puts space between us as we wait.

“What the hell is your problem?” I ask quietly. He hears me though. His grip on my waist tightens slightly. There are people watching, I’m sure. We’re running the risk of pictures of the two of us all over the Internet, something else I wanted to avoid tonight.

“I don’t want to talk about it right now,” he says. His eyebrows pinch into a frown. He looks at his phone, check where our Uber is.

“Jay,” I call him. He says nothing, his lips twisting to the side like he’s trying to hide a scowl.

“For fuck sakes-,”

He kisses me hard, taking the words out of my mouth. His tongue touches mine roughly. His hand snakes up to grip the nape of my neck. The way he kisses me, it shouldn’t be done in public. Yet, we’re here in front of the biggest club in Seoul, kissing like we’re in a bedroom.

When he pulls away, his forehead leans against mine.

“Just stop talking, Y/n,”

Our car pulls up right in front of us. Jay opens the back door for me. I slide in and he follows behind me. The drive feels like it takes forever. He barely looks at me. The tension is palpable. I watch the lights that pass hit his twitching jawline. He supposed to be mad but I’m so turned on I can’t see beyond the hard set of his mouth. I don’t know if it’s the two drinks I had that has my skin buzzing to touch his or the kiss. Either way, my hand slides up his thigh without me actually realizing it. He grips my fingers stopping them from going any further.

When we’re in front of the building, he tips the driver, slides out and waits for me to follow. He grips my hand and pulls me along upstairs.

“You’re mad?” I ask.

“Yeah, I’m fucking mad,”

We step into his place. I reach out to hold on to his shoulder so I can slip my shoes off. He stands still, letting me lean against him. When I’m finally barefoot, I wrap my arms around his neck, tilting my head up.

“Are you jealous?” I ask.

He stays silent, avoiding my gaze. I press my lips against his jaw that’s wound tight. I trail my mouth down his throat. He tugs at my arms. They drop to my side.

“You can’t seriously think that I’m interested in anyone else,” I roll my eyes. When he still doesn’t speak I slide past him.

“You’re fucking ridiculous,”

“He touched you,” Jay says finally. “He touched you and he stared at your body and when he saw that I was watching, he gave me the biggest fucking smile, Y/n,”

“It’s not like I fucked him, Jay,”

“He wants to fuck you though,”

I sigh, rubbing at my temples. This isn’t how I saw my night going. I should be wrapped around him by now, discovering eighty new ways to get him to bite his lip the way he does when he’s feeling extremely good.

“I don’t understand why you’re mad at me, though,”

“You put yourself in that position, Y/n. I told you to come up with me and the next thing I see is him all over you,”

“I’m not even entertaining this conversation,” I say walking away to head toward the shower. His hand on my hip stops me. I look up at him, the thunder in his eyes back.

“I’m selfish, Y/n. I don’t like other people wanting what’s mine,”

I open my mouth to tell him very matter of factly that I don’t belong to him. I’m not a piece of property. His mouth on mine stops any words. He kisses me hard, our teeth knocking together. I sigh against him, reaching up to wrap my arms around his neck. He stops me, gripping both of my wrists in his hands. He walks us backward until my back hits the wall behind me. He pins my wrists against the wall above my head.

“He touched you,” he says against my lips.

His mouth moves down my neck, biting at my skin. His hand tightens around my wrists, holding them above my head. My hips move against his, grinding against the bulge in his pants. His free hand pushes my dress up my thigh, exposing my thin lacy underwear. His fingers pull roughly at the fabric, and I hear the material tear.

“You owe me a pair of underwear,” I moan against his lips that fall on me.

Only illuminated by the light streaming in from outside, he’s like a dream. His light skin reflects yellow light, drawing the dark lines of his tattoos into focus. The only response I get is his fingers tightening around me. He uses his hand to lift my thigh around his waist, pinning my body against the wall with his hips.

“Keep your hands here,” he instructs, his grip loosening on my wrists. I do as I’m told enjoying the fire in his eyes. His gaze doesn’t leave mine as he opens his pants so he can pull himself out. Once he pulls a condom on, he grabs my wrists again. He pulls them down, pushing them against my chest as he plunges into me hard.

He moves against me fast, anchoring me in place with a hand on my hip. My legs wrap around his waist, drawing him closer. When my hips start to move with his, his fingers dig into my skin roughly. It feels too good. He holds me too tightly, fucks me too hard. I don’t last more than a few short minutes, my muscles spasm around him, my legs going slack. He reaches down, grabbing my thighs while he carries me to the couch. He lays me down, his body coming over mine.

“Jay,” I call, reaching up to grab at his slick hair. His mouth comes hard against mine again. Teeth pull at my bottom lip, roughly. He tastes too good to let him pull away. I hold his head against mine, kissing him until I’m gasping for breath.

His hips start to lose their rhythm as he chases after his own orgasm. His face falls into my neck, as he groans against me.

“Fuck, Y/n,”

I pull him tighter against my body, his sweat falling on my own skin. I don’t want to move. I could lay here for the rest of my life with the taste of him in my mouth and his body pressed to mine. He pulls away too quickly, going to the bathroom. I wait for him to come back. When he doesn’t, I sit up, pulling the dress back in place. I hear the shower cut on just as I start to approach.

*He really fucking left me there*

I haven’t been on the receiving end of Jay’s anger before. After being so high, I’m left feeling empty. But I know how he operates. He wants me to go after him, to beg him to talk to me, but I won’t. He’s mad at me because he can’t let this thing with Zino go. Even if I tell him how fucking ridiculous it is for him to feed into a grudge that really makes no difference now, he’ll still think I’m not taking his side.

Loyalty has always been a big thing for him, and I get it. But there comes a point where you have to see beyond what’s right in front of you. I don’t think I have to tell Jay that I don’t want Zino, or that I’m so stupid in love with him that it’s ridiculous. I hurt his pride, at the end of it, but that not for me to deal with.

I take a shower in the bathroom down the hall, ignoring the bruises that are already starting to appear on my skin. When I’m finished getting ready for bed, I slide in beside his still body.

“Did I hurt you?” He asks in the dark.

“No, I liked it,” I whisper.

He says nothing but shifts so that his back is toward me. I roll my eyes in the dark.

“You’re not talking to me now?”

He says nothing.

“God, sometimes, I can’t deal with you,”

I still get nothing.

“You’ve been with tons of women. And I had to see it all Jay. Not once did I hold it against you. All he does is talk to me, and you freak out like I’m some toy of yours he’s playing with without asking first,”

“It’s not the same thing,” Jay says. “We weren’t together,”

“I loved you the same way I do now, so don’t give me that shit. You’re embarrassed because you think he’s going to do to you what you did to him,”

“Don’t say it like that,”

“Fucking grow up, Jay,”

He stays silents which infuriated me even more. I turn, pushing my feet against his ass and kick him.

“Get up. Get up and talk to me,”

“Ow, Y/n, what the fuck,”

I push until he finally sits up. I can’t see his face but I can imagine that if looks could kill I’d been dead ten times over.

“This is how it works. I talk to whoever I want. Out of respect for you, I decided not to directly work with the guy, but I’m not going to ignore someone who is paying my business for service,”

“He’s just trying to get to me, Y/n. He’s not going to leave you alone because he knows how much it’ll kill me if,” he trails off not finishing his sentence. He doesn’t have to.

“You think I’d do that to you? You think I’m not so fucking crazy about you that’ll it makes me sick just thinking about anyone else touching me?”

“Y/n-,”

“I’m going home,” I slide out of the bed, looking for my phone to call an Uber to my apartment. I grab the first pair of pants I see and luckily they’re mine from when I left them here at some point. I slip them on. Ignoring Jay’s hands that grab for me.

“You can’t be mad at me when I’m mad at you,” he says, blocking the doorway.

I ignore him and push past to get my shoes from his living room. I grab my purse and pull it over my shoulder.

“I did nothing wrong, Jay. You don’t get to fuck me and then treat me like I’m part of the problem,” I cross my arms over my chest. We’ve fought more in the last month than we have throughout our whole friendship.

“I won’t keep going in this circle with you about Zino,” I tell him. My phone vibrates letting me know that my car is outside. “So, I’m going to go home. I don’t want you to call me until you figure out your own shit,”

“How did I become the one in trouble?”

“Because you’re acting like a child. Honestly Jay, the silent treatment?”

“What do you want me to say, Y/n? I’m sorry?”

“I want you not to treat me like shit,” I feel my eyes prick. I don’t want to cry in front of him. As upset as I am, I know he’ll feel a thousand times worse if he knows he made me cry. Still, moisture pools in my eyes and drop down my cheeks. I don’t even know why I’m crying. I love him. I love him and I don’t want to fight with him. We get limited time together and here we are arguing at three in the morning.

I turn away from him to wipe my eyes. It’s no use. My shoulders start to shake. I wrap my arms around myself, moving through the apartment to gather the rest of my things.

“Y/n, don’t do that. Come on,” he sees it. His arms come around me as he pulls me against his chest. My face presses against his skin making it impossible for him not to feel my tears smudge against him.

“Shit, please don’t cry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, ok?” He rubs at my back but it only makes me tear up more. He lifts me off the ground and carries me back to his room. He sits on the edge of his bed and pulls me into his lap. His thumb comes beneath my eyes, wiping away the moisture.

“I’m sorry,” he says again.

“For making me cry or for being a dickhead?” I ask through tears.

He holds my face between his hands, forcing me to look at him.

“Both, Y/n. You don’t know how I feel about you. You’ve always been mine. When someone tries to threaten that,” he sighs, pulling my mouth against his. I don’t know how I always end up here, kissing him like he didn’t just make me upset. He has that thing about him. He can charm his way out of every situation.

“I want to go,” I say pulling away from him. “I don’t want to be here right now,”

His forehead presses against mine, his eyes close tightly. I don’t know why he’s doing this to us. We’re fine, actually more than fine we’re perfect until his head gets in the way.

“Sleep here and I’ll take the other room,” he says.

I don’t trust myself not to seek him out later tonight. I think we’re too used to each other. We need a little space. I stand off his lap and gather up my stuff. I have to call the Uber back because he’s long gone.

“I’m going to go,” I tell him clearing my throat. “I’ll call you,”

“Don’t leave,” he says, his fingers lace with mine pulling me back into his arms. His lips press to my neck. “Don’t leave,” he repeats against my skin.

I’m so weak. I’ve always been so weak for him. He looks at me with those brown eyes like he wants to keep me in this room just to love me for the rest of his life. The way he makes me feel, it’s intoxicating. It’s addicting. And I know his heart. I know he doesn’t mean to make me feel bad. I know he loves me beyond the sun and the moon.

Sometimes I wish I’d didn’t know him as well as I do. I wish I hadn’t gotten the chance to fall in love with every single part of him. It’s making me weak.

“It’s late,” he says. It’s nearly four. Too early in the morning for us to be even having this conversation. He’s right, though. I can’t imagine I’d go to my empty apartment and feel any better.

I look at him, his eyes are tired and a little bloodshot. He bites at his lip while he waits for my answer. His hair is a mess. Still, he’s so pretty my heart aches. I press my hand against the compass tattooed into his skin. My thumb tracing the points.

“I love you,” I whisper.

“I love you too,” he tells me quickly like he’s afraid I’ll go if he hesitates.

“I know,” I tell him. “But do you know that I love you? All of you, even the parts that drive me freaking crazy,”

“I’m sorry, Y/n-,” he goes to apologize again but I interrupt him.

“I don’t think you know. I don’t think you realize how much I love you, Jay,”

“I’m going to do better with you, Y/n. You just have to let me get used to him being around you,”

“It’s work, Jay. He’s just a guy. I shouldn’t have to tell you that I’m on your side,”

His hand spreads out on my thigh. “I know, baby,”

I stand from his lap again and step out of the joggers I’d pulled on. I climb back in bed behind him and reach my hand out for him to join me. I won’t be able to sleep if I know he’s just in the other room. At least that’s how I rationalize it. I ignore the fact that once again I’m sweeping just how hurt I am under the rug and hoping for the best.

Jay grabs my hand and settles beside me, pulling me against his chest. I trace my fingers over the ridges in his back.

“I’m sorry I made you cry,” he says.

“You’re too good for me,”

“Yeah, probably,” I yawn.

He laughs, taking my lips in the dark. He kisses me so thoroughly, that I forget that I’m supposed to be mad at him. I want him again. He’s turned me into a fiend. I suppress the urge to climb on top of him. Instead, I pull away and cuddle deeper into his chest.

He falls asleep quickly after that. He’s never not touching me during the night. His arm stays wrapped around me, or his hands grip my flesh, either way, he keeps me close. I stay up. To go from not having a single issue with someone for years to this. It’s just one thing, I tell myself. It’s just one thing that we have to get over and then we can get back to being us.

With so many pent-up feelings to literally last more than a decade, we’re just now being able to express them. It’s his personality, he’s competitive, he just doesn’t like the guy. I make excuses because the alternative, losing him, isn’t an option.

I shut my eyes finally, curling closer to him. He pulls me against his side tightly. All thoughts of anything other than how good it feels for him to hold me gets forced out. I don’t think about work, Korean rap stars, award shows. It all gets lost in the cadence of his breaths.

[theloveablesociopath]

Silver Silence Part 6

Pairing: Bucky x shy enhanced reader

Summary: Bucky finally finds himself able to live at the compound with the team, but finds it difficult to repress his feelings for his new very shy and gentle teammate.

Word count: 1,551

Warnings: Fluff and anst, mentions of blood, and extreme pain.

Bucky sat on a barstool in the kitchen, raking his hands through his hair in dread as he stared at the computer screen in front of him. Tony had installed a special security camera in your room, and in order to make him feel better, also synched it to a laptop for Bucky. Its sound was muted for most of the time, your screams that had now rung through the compound for 5 days straight was to much for him to bare. Luckily within the 3rd day, Bruce had decided to move you to a sound proof room, but that didn’t stop Buckys intense worry. He had visited you only a short few times in those days, only being able to bare being in the room when the thrashing and screaming stopped for a few minutes.

With a long sigh he shut his laptop, getting up and walking towards the conference room where the rest of the avengers where going over their next mission. A mission Bucky had dismissed, not wanting to be away from you in this state.

As he made his way through the halls he expected to hear of fighting tactics and file names, instead he heard arguing.

“Wanda there’s nothing we can do.” A serious voice spoke, one belonging to stark by the sound of it.

“There has to be something! What about sedating her? Pain medication?” Wanda yelled back.

“Any amount of unnatural substance will cause her bones to remain brittle, they need to heal with no help.” He replied.

There where sighs and angry grunts as tony processed what he wanted to say, but Natasha beat him to it.

“Her screams still ring in my ears; I can’t even imagine how Barnes is feeling.”

Walking into the room, the abundance of chatter stopped abruptly and all eyes remained on him.

“Bucky...”  Steve stated, as he stood up from his chair.

“How long?” he managed to ask, his eyes locked on tony in bitterness. He looked confused as to what Bucky was asking but after a moment Bucky spoke again. “How much longer will she be like this?”

Tony soon realized the conversation was about (y/n) and switched his gaze to the floor. “Days, weeks, months? There isn’t a way to tell, we just have to wait it out.”

Bucky’s eyes shifted the floor, the room becoming so silent you could hear blood flowing through your own veins.

Tony opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by FRIDAYs loud voice.

“Sir, I have detected 6 broken bones and 3 fractures on miss (L/N)”

Bucky’s eyes went wide, and the silence that once hung over the room was soon filled with the screech of chairs and tables moving as everyone shuffled out of the room towards (Y/n).

Bucky was the first one to arrive there, punching in the key code and bursting through the slowly opening door.

He was met with silence, no screaming, not even whimpers, just the slow beep of heart monitors.

“(y/n)?” Bucky asked, his eyes landing  on the bed, where you laid, staring up at the ceiling, stock still, with nothing but a gentle rise and fall of your chest.

“b-b…” your voice was caught in your throat, hoarse and barley there as you tried calling his name. as Bucky approached you, followed by the team, he saw the long streams of tears falling from the corners of your eyes.

“I’m here. I’m here doll.” He said softly, leaning over the bed so your gaze met his.

You turned your head the slightest bit to look at him better, your body sending thousands of messages to your brain to remind you of the constant pain in your bones, but now broken bones in all your limbs from thrashing, caused movements to become even more painful.

“It..” you started, coughing softly at the vile taste of how many days its been since anything but screams met your mouth. “Feels… l-like fire...” you managed.

His face fell into a hurt expression, as you blinked to fade the blur of tears.

“Like.. i-im…b-burning. From the... Inside” you choked out. Your voice was so extremely quiet, and rang with an almost squeaky sensation.

He lowered his head, his guilt of not being able to help you setting in his stomach.

He couldn’t say anything, just leaned down to press a soft kiss to your forehead.

Tony soon came over to check your vitals, giving you a sad smile as he brushed hair away from your face.

The entire team stood around you like you where dyeing, but in reality you weren’t, it was far worst then that. It was days of relentless pain, that sometimes jumped to extreme measures.

And at the time, as your heart began to beat rapidly, and your breathing picked up, that’s exactly what it did.

You screwed your eyes shut as the screams you had learned to hate, ripped painfully through your throat.

The noise of it leaving the taste of blood in your mouth.

----------------------------------------------------

Buckys pov

It had been 9 days in total that (y/n) had been in intense pain, her screams rarely stopped; even with the sound proof walls I could still hear them muffled at times. Or it could be the silent ghost of her agony that haunts me.

Today felt like walking on broken glass, I couldn’t get out of bed, I couldn’t speak to anyone, I could barley think.

Over the course of (y/n)s time here I had developed a need to protect her, and knowing I couldn’t, sent my mind into a dark place.

I was seconds away from getting my laptop out to check on her, when my door flew open and Steve walked in.

“Bucky, you need to come see this.” He demanded, and with as many things that had been going on I wasn’t going to risk not going.

He led me down the same stretch of halls I had seemed to walk every minute of everyday, but he then turned to (y/n)s room and my heart sunk.

When the doors slid open, I was met with that same silence, as 3 nights ago, only this time, soft choked pained, squeaks rang in it.

I walked further in, staring at the bed and letting my heart be ripped into two at what I saw.

Her back was arched in pain, as she tried her best not to move due to the breaking of her bones. Her mouth was agape, seeming to be screaming with all her might, but the only thing that came out was soft painfully gut wrenching squeaks, they were filled with sobs, and uncontrollable sorrow.

I made the walk to her bedside, looking down at her as her eyes tried to burrow further beneath her eyelids.

After a moment more of her being like this, she calmed slightly, broken sobs that you could hardly even heard still crowded her mouth,

“(y/n)? Sweetheart?” I heard myself ask as I pushed a few strands of her hair behind her ear.

Her sobs lightened as she opened her eyes to look up at me.

She mouthed my name, but nothing but a soft squeak came out. She realized her fruitless attempt at communication, and began to say my name again, only for the same result to appear.

Her eyes had begun to blur with tears again, as she now tried yelling my name, but to no avail, as it still held that same silence.

She began to sob uncontrollably at this, before a cough threw her to her side, making blood appear on the light blue sheets.

She looked down in slight horror, looking up at my mirrored expression.

I wanted so desperately to break her bonds, and hold her close to me. But I knew what that would do to her body, and I knew what that would do to my heart.

I looked over at Steve, now sitting on one of the chairs to the side, his hands in hair. When I looked back to her, her head began to rest against the pillow, and I held her hand lovingly as she began to finally drift into sleep, if only for a little while.

“You took a likening to her pretty quick.” Steve whispered, moving his body to face me.

I looked over at him, his smile making me feel like I could trust him with everything.

“She reminded me of someone...” I stared, looking back at her frail body, tangled in the bed sheets.

Steve stayed silent urging me to continue.

“Of a little blonde kid from Brooklyn...” I laughed softly. “And I just felt the need to protect her with everything in me. Like I had known her forever and that was just how it was supposed to be...”

I hadn’t realized Steve had stood up until he was right beside me with a hand on my shoulder and reassuring smile on his face.

=------------------------------------------------

“So?” Bucky asked curiously, as Helen took a step away from (y/n)s sleeping form.

“She...” Helen paused, knowing how hard this was going to be for Bucky to hear. “She tore her vocal cords... More like shredded them actually.. I don’t see this heeling Bucky...”

“So, what? What does this mean?” he more demanded then asked, feeling the fear prick his eyes.

Helen took a deep breath and looked over to you.

“She’s mute”

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