#truly this post belongs more on my other blog but I don’t allow reblogs there and I’m not logged in soooo. here.

[wundrousarts]

Had a dream recently where Jessica Townsend wrote a story in the Locked Tomb universe and Tamsyn Muir wrote a story in the Nevermoor universe and have since been miserable that it doesn’t exist.

[randum-famdoms]

Y’all I been getting so many asks about donating to people who are in Gaza and I’m like 90% sure they’re scams since none of the people sending these messages have previously interacted with my blog. I wish I didn’t have to do this, but I’m gonna be turning off anon asks as a result. Not all of the asks are anon, in fact most aren’t, but it’s the only thing I can think of to mitigate this problem without restricting asks to not include media, to only be allowed by tumblrs I follow, or to turn them off entirely - none of which I want to do.

I think replying to these asks to spread awareness about the scams will only encourage whatever bots are running these things, since they’ll see me responding to asks about Gaza and donations. So, instead of doing that, I’m making this post.

Is it possible that they aren’t scams? Yes. However, only one of the blogs sending these asks followed me - and according to my notifs they followed me immediately before sending the ask and never interacted with my blog apart from that. Also, these asks only started getting sent AFTER I reblogged a post spreading awareness about a website which compiles real fundraisers for Gaza and its civilians in need of help to evacuate and AFTER I started interacting with more asks on my blog. All blogs which have sent me asks like this have absurdly long lists of blogs they follow all of which are very recently active, and of the ones that I clicked on all of which had reblogged the Gaza donations post in the last month, and none of the blogs sending the asks had any posts not relating to Gaza or their own go fund me (except for one, which only had 2 reblogs not relating to Gaza or advertising their own go fund me) and all of these blogs are pretty new (as in only a few months old but usually less).

All of this evidence leads me to believe that these blogs are not made by real people in need. If some are then I am sorry but they aren’t very good at proving they are real people, and it’s sad that they need to do that at all but realistically it’s a part of fundraising. None of them had links to other social media, none of them had varied original posts showing day to day life or personal interests, most of them didn’t even have a non-default pfp or blog banner, and only one of them had reblogs outside of anything immediately relevant to Gaza and even then it was just two probably AI photos of models that belong on only fans which frankly is not promising.

In conclusion, these kinds of scams make me sick. I’m tired of getting them in my asks, and I wish I could do more to stop them but I can’t find anything in my tumblr settings to do so. I don’t want to open my tumblr notifs and every single day see a new bot taking advantage of genocide to scam people out of money that could have gone to someone truly in need.

If someone knows of a way to actually prevent these kinds of scams reaching my inbox I would be grateful. I’m on mobile, so maybe there’s more options to stop this on desktop.

[carpooling-the-internet]

Internet anonymity and the wonders of the sideblog!

Tl;dr, advice! if you are shy to rb or post fandom (or any!) things on your blog bc there are ppl you know irl who follow you, start a sideblog! Or three! I am having a great time! Highly recommend!!

I’ve been on tumblr since I was in early high school or so and now I’m a few years out of college. Though it’s always been my favorite form of social media, I never reblogged much at all in that time, even though I considered myself an active user. That is until a couple years ago when I made my first sideblog. I was swept into the force of nature that was the our flag means death fandom, and the urge to actually participate socially in fandom was so strong that I made an ofmd sideblog! Now on each of my sideblogs, especially this one which I’ve come to view as my general fandom one, i am fearless! I am being myself!

And I’ve come to realize why. It’s because I don’t know anyone irl who follows my sideblogs. (At least I hope not. Irl friends if you’ve found my sideblog please don’t let me know :) )

More rambling under the cut…

That’s not to say that I’m embarrassed about my fandoms (I’ll talk your ear off about them irl!) or that I don’t trust the irl friends that follow me to not judge me. But existing in the tumblr space as carpooling-the-internet rather than firstnamelastname123 has allowed me to truly not worry about how people see me. I can engage with others! I can post my thoughts and not wonder if my boss will see! This friendly anonymity is what’s missing from almost all other social medias and is one of the main things that makes tumblr so special.

I don’t want my irl friends to unfollow my main so starting this sideblog has been an easy solution. I feel like I’m finally experiencing the tumblr I was always too shy to participate in. Of course there’s downsides, like not being able to follow ppl from here, or comment on posts. And I do occasionally wonder if I’m misunderstanding everything and there actually is a way to find my sideblogs from my main without much effort.

Anyway this is just to say, after a decade of being on this hellsite and enjoying the culture and liking posts, I finally feel like I am participating in and belonging to the culture. I am having so much fun. I feel a bit silly for not figuring this out sooner! But better late than never

[acourtofthought]

I don’t think what went down with that e/lriel was fair. I think it was beneath you. I am also using my phone, so I apologise for any weird formatting.

Let me preface this by saying - You made valid points. I just don’t understand why you went to their post, and commented at all? To be honest, I don’t think you were in the right on that, and it makes us look bad. We’ve been accused of baiting in the past, and I’ve always scoffed at it..but you undeniably did go onto their post to seemingly start a fight. I also don’t think it’s a fair claim, that they could stop responding - when it was their post and blog to begin with, and not some random post that invited discussion. That is an unrealistic, and unfair expectation. I would tell someone who came into my space like that to “fuck off” too. That e/lriel you engaged with IS problematic, undeniably so. Everyone knows it. I just feel you gave them something valid to whine about this time. I am genuinely confused and frequently disgusted by our ACOTAR community as a whole. We call each other hypocrites, and yet do the very same thing we accuse our antis of. One of your reiterated points is “you hate when e/lriels say Eluciens lack reading comprehension” - a very fair gripe to be sure! However I’ve seen numerous posts from “our” side of the line, claiming that very thing of E/lriels..I’ve seen much worse claimed of them, by us..Truly, I wish you would have just vagued that E/lriel instead of engaging like that. It was disappointing, and I’m annoyed that today I actually feel bad for them.

I apologize that my responding to something in the Elain tag has upset you to the point that you felt the need to message me.

I LOVE a lot of the people that I've interacted with through Tumblr. I love reading their blogs, their ideas, their thoughts. And I love that there is a collective group who love Elucien like I do.

At the same time, I am still an independent thinker and operate based on my emotions and thoughts. If I feel angered over others being attacked then I'm not the kind of person who's going to sit back and do nothing. If something frustrates me and I feel driven to speak up, I'm going to do it.

Truly, I apologize if that somehow gives the collective Eluciens a bad name. But the Original Poster was ridiculing others under the Elain tag which leaves it open for anyone following the Elain tag to comment on.

I was presenting an opinion to her, in response to a post which I felt did not provide accurate information. If she did not like my reblog response, she could have ignored me. She could have blocked me. But she chose to respond and progressively got nastier. I don't think there is anything wrong with responding to an open blog that has the tag of Elain in it, regardless of whether or not that blog was created by her or not. She blogged something with a tag that would be seen by both Elucien and Elriels. That's like saying when an actor posts a promo for their movie, only people who agree with a certain group of critics should be allowed to comment. The Elain tag belongs to no one in particular which, in my opinion means it's open for discussion. When a neutral tag is used, people are going to speak up. I don't think that means anyone is giving their ship a bad name if it's done in a certain way. What gives certain sides of a fandom a "bad name" is not the back and forth discussion with someone. It's when name calling and belittling others happens. It's when people forget how to have any actual debate and resort to pettiness.

I'm not sure what more to say because while I'm sorry it bothered you to this extent, I'm not going to be the kind of person who doesn't speak out when I feel like it's in defense of others. I know I don't always succeed but for the most part, I try to discuss the book rather than turning into a personal attack. And while I don't enjoy having someone upset with me, I can't promise I won't speak out again in the future.

[satanherfuckingself]

Hayley Atwell. Publicly Adored Psychopath.

Before I begin, I feel it's imperative to mention that this was not created to cause harm. Do not send anyone hatred or harassment despite what you may read. You are not a monster. Do not stoop to that level. Verbal abuse is still abuse, whether we acknowledge it or not, whether someone 'deserves' it or not.

Please, do not do that. Do not become an abuser. If you feel the need to do something, I will provide solutions for that fact, but hatred and harm will not solve anything.

Keep that in mind. And please stay tuned and read this thoroughly because it's more than just a social call out. It's more than just 'cancel culture' or someone making a big whoop over something nonsensical or even holding someone accountable for their actions. I promise there is a point to this, and it is probably far more important than the title even suggests.

Please, stick with it, and read to the end.

I also feel the need to mention that some of the behaviors discussed in this piece will undoubtedly be quite... disturbing. Proceed with caution if you find it necessary.

And. Let it be known that any claims made here are in fact alleged. Evidence and sources will be provided of course, that's simply a friendly reminder for the... legality of it.

Forgive me if you enjoy this ending because if you have any sense of a decent moral compass, this will probably shatter that enjoyment of it, and forgive me if you do not because this will only make you hate it more.

So I found this blog:

Hydra Support Blog

Really, it's a blog centered entirely around hating Sharon Carter, the very real person that was her actress, Emily VanCamp, encouraging hatred towards this same very real person and her fans for any scrounged up nonexistent reason they can find, without proof, as well as fans of the comics.

They also insult her acting, despite the fact that Emily actually has won awards for her performances while the idol they are so devoted to has not.

All for the sake of the very real bully who actively encouraged, manipulated, and even to some degree, promoted the behavior. Under the guise of promoting her own character.

Why did I call them a Hydra support blog?

Well, quite clearly, they support the Creepy Uncle Theory that Endgame made a point to reward them with, which certainly does require the support of Hydra among other things, but I won't dive into that just yet. It's also because they sound exactly like Zola. Don't worry, we'll come back to it. But they are also quite clearly overjoyed at the idea of someone losing a job for their personal enjoyment.

This is also terrible.

Allow me to remind that this harassment and hatred was not limited to these fans, or fans of Peggy or Steggy. It also existed, to some degree among Romanogers fans, Stucky fans, and Stony fans. You know who you are. And you are certainly not excused from this behavior if you in any way participated in spreading hatred or contempt for the Staron and Sharon fanbase, or actively harassing those fans.

You don't have to like it, you can even rant against it all you like in your personal spaces. But being respectful and understanding should be the common fucking courteousy here. People are allowed to like different things from you. And they are not obligated to agree with you.

Your personal enjoyment is not worth more than someone's job or life. And it never should be.

However, the only actress who encouraged this particular behavior in full, among her fans... was Atwell.

Not Emily, not Chris, not Scarlett, not Sebastian, and not Robert Downey Jr. Some may have made tasteless jokes or even gone along with the situation, encouraging 'teams' among fans for publicity. I wouldn't label complete blamelessness in this case, but it is important to recognize ignorance over malicious behavior, which is the difference here. Because it was nothing to the extent of the tantrum that Atwell threw the moment the spotlight was no longer on her.

So let's talk about Hayley Atwell, and her involvement in all of this, the alleged actions and their implications. Let's take a deep dive into the psychology of it all, and why what she did was actually very wrong. I'll touch on the lack of etiquette and class as well as blatant unprofessionalism needed to consciously do what she did.

Because her behavior is disturbing, it is disgusting, and it has gone unnoticed for far too long. Her portrayal of Peggy makes the relationship canonically abusive. And no one noticed.

People are still defending her, and respecting her, despite what she's done. She is welcome to have a life and live it how she pleases, but not at the expense of other people. We cannot simply reward this type of behavior when it is unquestionably wrong. We cannot leave her with the power to do worse.

A good starting point in understanding what she's done would be here:

Receipts

Who one lovely sweetheart of a blogger decided to compile and I am ever so grateful for, as I'm a lazy shit~. My only regret is that this wasn't seen and still hasn't been seen by enough people, especially by those that rewarded or are even promoting the behavior still. This blogger is a very good person and that is abundantly clear, send her some love and reblog that post if you can. It's necessary more people see it. Thank you, love, you are truly a blessing. So I'm a little bias, I tend to be for good people.

Allow me to expand on it though, as I do have to mention, I have just a few minor additions and concerns. However, sources are provided perfectly, along with plenty of evidence to stand on it's own for what Atwell did. That this was active, deliberate, and intentional to hurt someone's career that wasn't herself. Allegedly.

But, let's also debunk some of Atwell's claims and mention a few other things, starting with all her claims about the relationship between Sharon and Steve. Between being 'disrespectful' and 'incestuous'.

Claims easily found in these articles:

https://ew.com/article/2016/06/06/captain-america-civil-war-hayley-atwell-steve-sharon/

https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/heat-vision/peggy-carter-does-not-approve-899860

https://www.hypable.com/captain-america-civil-war-hayley-atwell-steve-and-sharon-were-disrespectful/

https://www.thewrap.com/hayley-atwell-agent-carter-captain-america-civil-war-kiss-sharon-carter-marvel-incestuous-disrespectful/

https://www.cinemablend.com/new/Hayley-Atwell-Issue-With-Captain-America-Agent-13-Kiss-Civil-War-135197.html

https://www.bustle.com/articles/165038-hayley-atwell-reveals-peggys-feelings-about-steve-sharon-which-are-just-what-youd-expect

https://www.bustle.com/articles/165194-why-captain-america-sharon-carters-relationship-does-a-disservice-to-both-fans-steve-rogers

https://www.themarysue.com/peggy-carter-does-not-approve/

Oh, and look at that last one, including a gif of the psychotic rage it takes to shoot at someone who doesn't belong to you, because you're jealous... And of course, we love a good afterthought in which a real person is less important than a fictional story.

https://screenrant.com/captain-america-mcu-ending-problem-sharon-carter-endgame/

Did I need to include all of those sources? Of course not. Are they mostly along the same lines? Absolutely. But does it make a point of how positively this was covered as the media ran with her words to give her as much press and coverage as she wanted and promote her and only her ideas?

Absolutely...

To put it all very bluntly, I disagree with her. Why?

Well, for starters, we know that 'Peggy' had initially moved on from Steve. She'd married, had a family, supposedly loved this family and even had grandchildren. The character had always, comics alike but even in the MCU, been meant to signify and aid in Steve moving on, just as she did, from the past. It was a minor role, but still vital, and quite endearing when done this way.

But according to this, these articles and Atwell herself.

Peggy never loved the husband she'd initially married, or the family she'd made.

They were only placeholders for Steve.

According to her, Steve wasn't allowed to move on from her. Wasn't permitted to find happiness, beyond her, even though her character had blatantly stated she wanted him to in 'CA:TWS'. As proven even by Atwell's feelings towards Romanogers. Seemingly any woman that wasn't Peggy was an absolute 'no' for her. Because he belonged to 'Peggy'. I didn't know... slavery was a thing for her, but as far as I know, people cannot and should not be ownable.

Under no circumstances, even with married couples, should the people involved be considered property. They are individuals and human beings. Point blank. Period.

But let's make an exception in her case and say that this is true. Well, apparently this controlled permission and ownership extends to Sharon as well?

Now I'll ask, why is Peggy's opinion, a woman Steve had previously only shared one kiss with, had never even managed to share that one date with, relevant at all?

A woman who, need I remind you is well into her 90s by the time we see her again, is Steve still supposedly all she thinks about? All she thought about all those years? Why was a picture of... him on her desk in the 70s, as portrayed in Endgame, when she should have been married, with children, well into her 50s mind you but somehow still young, and apparently, none of her family is as important as Steve?

How is that healthy?

She was tantamount to an ex-lover at that point. Even if they had slept together, as Atwell claimed, and Evans and the writers disproved. Are people supposed to consult ex-lovers before they start dating someone else? Especially ones that get married and live their lives? Is there some unspoken rule I don't know about? Or in another sense, I wasn't aware she was also his mother and could decide for him, a grown man with a right to his own decisions and autonomy, who had initiated the romance with Sharon, what he could and could not do.

Ideally, Peggy would have cared more about Sharon, a niece she had supported in her endeavors and helped raise, rather than a man she admired symbolically and had shared one kiss with, and never managed to date. Just because she didn't get dick from him. Ideally, she would have cared more about the family she'd allegedly made after moving on from this man's death. A family, Sharon would have been a part of.

Her concerns shouldn't have been cockblocking Steve and saying he couldn't have Sharon and vice versa, they should have been whether or not he's treating Sharon right. And far more protective over Sharon, than possessive over Steve.

In fact, a good great aunt who'd truly loved both of them, faced with this situation, I would have even imagined trying to set them up, and being that scandalous older woman~, who's lived her life, had fun, loved her family, and wants to see him happy with someone else.

Because that's what true love is.

Wanting to see the person you love, happy, even if it's without you, even if it can't be you that gives them that happiness, especially if you've had to move on in your own life and can't be with them.

I fail to see how Steve moving on after she has too, qualifies as 'disrespectful'. Even if you find it tasteless that he kissed Sharon after her death. Could he have asked for her permission and blessing for the relationship? Of course! Maybe he should have, I think this would have even made it better. The difference being, a Peggy who truly cared about him would have given her blessing, not withheld it.

But what about the 'incestuous' aspect?

Well, that's also a no. At least... not technically, and certainly not before Peggy was forced back into the relationship, before Steve willingly and knowing became Sharon's uncle. And Peggy's placeholders were set aside like chopped liver. Steve was certainly in a peculiar situation that maybe doesn't look the best from the exterior, and in the original version of the comics, Sharon was merely Peggy's younger sister. However, the comparison of his situation is easily explained and understood in much better lighting with some simple imagination.

Take for example, and let's even make Sharon a more direct descendant just to drive the point home, if Steve were an ancient vampire.

Let's say... this vampire Steve has a brief romantic fling with a young and beautiful Peggy. They do not sleep together. But share some feelings, some sweet passings, and a single kiss. However, Steve goes dormant, for years and years and years on end. However vampires do. Peggy is understandably sad for the moment, perhaps upset. But she moves on. She understands, she falls in love with someone new, she has children, and her children have children, and so on and so forth. She lives a normal human life.

Steve wakes up.

And he meets Sharon. A however many greats granddaughter of the woman he was once infatuated with. But he may not necessarily know this. They look nothing alike. But maybe there's something special in the bloodline that draws them together, that draws him to her.

Oh, and by the way, this is starting to sound familiar. Ever heard of the 'Vampire Diaries'? Except Elena and Katherine do in fact look exactly alike.

Yet no one bats an eye at this or calls it incestuous.

The point being, he falls in love. And she does too. And maybe this time, he decides he wants someone to be with, to hold, wholly and completely. And he turns Sharon into his immortal lover. (There's a fic idea for anyone that wants it~!)

Perhaps this was even something that under circumstance, he couldn't offer to Peggy, or she had even rejected.

This is not incest, in any way, shape, or form. This is a man, faced with a circumstance, in which he moves on. And is happy to do so. There is nothing wrong with that.

Could it be a little strange that he happens to fall for someone in Peggy's bloodline? Sure. But it's still not incest.

Unless~, he falls in love with Sharon... before deciding on takebacksies and finding a way to go back in time just to be with her however many greats grandmother. Possibly even ensuring that his own blood is part of Sharon's, or erasing her from existence along with any of the other family that Peggy had allegedly loved.

The first one is perfectly understandable. The second one is disgusting.

Peggy makes it incestuous.

But I suppose, according to Atwell, Peggy was also incapable of love.

Not just loving other people besides Steve, but love in general. Because this is called obsession, and it's sick. It's disturbing. Can't tell the difference? Here, that should help. This one too, very informative and does a good job of simplifying this concept for the average person. And what a coincidence. Oh, and look, another. And another.

Seriously, this is what Marvel, and Disney, a modern day company that should be responsible with it's messages and stories, glorified and normalized for the public.

If you're going to write a horror story, at least say it's a fucking horror story. Or take the goddamn criticism when someone tells you it is objectively bad.

So, not only did this woman completely fabricate and romanticize a crush, an unhealthy one, and blow it up to be a real relationship along with convincing everyone of the lie, she put others down to do so in order to get what she wanted, regardless of the price that others had to pay for it. Lovely. I think her claims completely undermine and disregard the legacy Peggy had left behind, and the love she would have otherwise had for her family. I think it's a gross mischaracterization of her that misses the mark on who 'Peggy Carter' was and what she represents.

Did you know that in the comics she has a relationship with Gabe Jones? One of Steve's own Howlies no less, and a wonderful representation of an interracial love fighting for what's right, together, especially for the time period?

Where's that love story, that doesn't require Steve to be a creepy uncle for her sake and is more than just an obsessive crush and single kiss?

Why does Sharon not matter to her? Why did her husband not matter? Why did her kids not matter?

And if you're under the assumption that Steve was this person the entire time, why did Hydra not matter growing within S.H.I.E.L.D.? Why did Steve's own principles and who he was not matter to her anymore, as long as she was getting dick? Why did Bucky not matter, being tortured by Hydra for the 70 years she got to get off?

Nevermind, I guess she treated him like shit anyway, even if ideally, the flirtatious little shit Bucky was would have been the best man at Steve's wedding to her, an uncle to her kids, and the best friend that Steve had in his life with her.

Why did Sharon still not matter to her? Nor her other family which she apparently lied to? Why did young Steve not matter enough to tell the truth to? And lie about Alzheimer's no less. Why did she seem to find it fitting to lie to everyone?

Let's continue.

If that's not enough, let's talk about the cry that Steve somehow 'wasn't good enough' for or 'didn't deserve' Peggy when the kiss of Civil War happened.

Okay...

How?

Because if your reasoning for the logic of putting someone down, telling them they are lesser, and 'not good enough' or undeserving of you, is because they choose to 'move on' and not be with you, or choose someone else over you?

You are a terrible person. And I would not want to be the object of your affection.

That is deliberate psychological abuse. And if you tell anyone that sort of thing, just because they don't or can't return your feelings, you are a fucked up person. Fuck you. That is disgusting.

Do not ever tell someone this just because they can't or choose not to love you. Apologize if you ever have, especially to someone you do love. Love is not always an active choice. And this is guilt tripping, manipulating, gaslighting someone into a situation where you put them down for your personal benefit, and that is nasty, unacceptable behavior that no one should tolerate.

Call out someone's own terrible behavior if they are doing something wrong, do not jump to the conclusion that this means the person is worthless. There is a difference. Harmful behaviors can be changed. People can change and get better. We should strive to be better.

However, the aforementioned? That is what psychopaths do to ensure their control over a relationship, run if someone is doing this to you. Find a way to get out of there if you can, because that is fucked up, and no, you deserve better than that. Do not let them belittle you.

And yet, this was... completely glorified by the media, even rewarding someone who committed to this type of behavior. Especially after the fact.

How many articles are there out there that critique Endgame versus those that promote this ending and actively defend it? Giving Disney good press?

But luckily, Atwell only did it with the characters, right? It's only fictional, right?

Yeah, that's why we didn't see Emily in Infinity Wars or Endgame... That's why, even though she'd been hired for a job she had earned, they kept kicking her down the road like a bent, empty can. Worthless and usable, and not a real person at all. Why did they hire her if this had 'always been the plan' as they claimed? To disgust everyone? To make the ending as fucking shitty as it is and have people praise them for it? To publicly embarrass and humiliate her, just because?

The lack of class and just... human decency necessary to commit this kind of behavior is easily seen with a hypothetical comparison, simply with another well beloved actress I will admit might not be a fully fair comparison. But that's because this actress is amazing and not many people compare to her.

But let's take a pause and also consider the actions of Atwell's coworkers, since none of them did quite what she did. None of them... did quite what she did.

You know who else would never do this, even if she'd been playing Peggy Carter and got her show cancelled? Who realistically, wouldn't have gotten her show cancelled because she actually is amazing and would be worth watching, hands down, no complaints.

Sandra Bullock.

And I'd hate to name drop like that or put her on the spot, but just consider it for a moment. Sandy B. as Peggy Carter. Already, beautiful, elegant, amazing, maybe a bit funnier, compassionate, kind, and playing the part of the loving aunt for Sharon perfectly. Even more comic accurate probably! Sandra Bullock would never take time out of her day for any reason, to put down one of her costar's characters and talk trash about this character and the relationship she's in with another character... Ever. Period.

She has class, grace. And she's a truly, genuinely good human being. In fact, I would wager to say, she'd make jokes about it to promote the relationship. As the crazy aunt who's constantly trying to set Steve up with someone new, probably her niece, and embarrassing the shit out of him. And that image is just fucking adorable.

Can you picture it? It's pretty amazing, right?

Now can you really defend Atwell's actions knowing they could have been avoided and a real person, real people, not hurt with them?

I guarantee this ending would have never happened had someone at least like Sandra Bullock been cast as Peggy Carter. Even if she did happen to 'ship' Peggy and Steve more than she did Sharon and Steve. Even if she did 'joke' about it. Especially when there's a point the jokes go too far. And I'd wager to say, she'd even focus more on helping Emily VanCamp, than putting down her character and sicking her pack or rabid bullies on her to try and get her to kill herself.

What the actual fuck has to be wrong with someone to do something like that. Even without giving the direct order.

And sure, maybe fans do ride the crazy train a bit to much. But the least we could expect from Bullock would be a public statement regarding the behavior, and letting fans know that she doesn't condone it and would want them to stop.

I challenge you to find anything along those lines that Atwell could have done. I tried.

And there was nothing.

Let's continue with the character analysis and talk a bit about the implications of this ending.

So far, we know Peggy hated Sharon, her own niece, that she 'owns' Steve and has all rights to his autonomy and decisions, doesn't care about her husband or family if Steve isn't somehow part of it, and would label Steve 'unworthy' of her if he somehow decided he loved someone else. Not just Sharon, but anyone.

Let's also not forget this is a woman who shot at him for having kissed someone else in front of her. When they weren't together. Would you want and choose to date someone who shot at you for doing that?

I mean, I suppose I don't personally know you, maybe you're into some kinky shit. But that doesn't really seem to healthy to me.

Let's talk about little Steve and Erskine, and the promise Steve made to him as well as himself. His character development over the movies and what this ending requires not just of him, but of Peggy too.

From the first movie, we know that even when Steve wasn't capable of doing more, when his body didn't permit him to, he always wanted to do more. Erskine in his dying moment asked him not to forget his heart. The man that would choose to do good above all else. To help those around him that maybe couldn't help themselves. This is an invaluable lesson I think we could all learn from, within our capacities of course.

Bucky even tried to stop Steve from hurting himself, because he worried about him. And then followed him because he admired what the little guy... had always stood for. And against.

“I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't like bullies, I don't care where they're from.”

By the end of the film, Steve has lost someone incredibly dear to him that he grew up with, Bucky, and makes the decision to save thousands of lives that would otherwise be lost over his own personal enjoyment. Because it's the right decision. And he tells Peggy it's his choice. He doesn't hesitate. He doesn't expect to survive, but he keeps his promise to Erskine above all else, and stops Hydra, or so we think.

We later discover Hydra has survived all those years through Zola. Growing in S.H.I.E.L.D., under Peggy's watchful eyes... holding Bucky for all that time.

With the addition of Endgame's Creepy Uncle Theory, that little tidbit of the story, we've been given two interpretations. There's also a lot of lines that lose all meaning, from Steve, Peggy, and Sharon.

“When I see a situation pointed south, I can't ignore it.”

“Sometimes, all we can do is our best, and sometimes the best is the start over.”

“She kept so many secrets, I didn't want her to have one from you.”

“I don't know, the guy who wanted all of that went into the ice 70 years ago, I think someone else came out.”

But let's go back to those interpretations, both of which require someone to suffer on Steve and Peggy's behalf for a minimum of 70 years. Apart from becoming a creepy uncle who apparently had been only using Sharon as a replacement for her. And of course abandoning everyone who loved him just to get laid. This may not be easily seen or understood at first glance. But it is easily explained and should be painfully obvious.

If Steve is present in the main universe that entire time, choosing to do nothing, he has:

Abandoned Sharon.

Abandoned his family, the Avengers.

Abandoned Bucky.

Abandoned the principles he lived by and thrown away promises to all those he held dear. Including his promise to Erskine, who gave him that power to do more to begin with.

Left Hydra undisturbed and even prospering under his beloved wife's organization, allowing people to die and suffer, including Bucky who we know is tortured and in and out of ice for those years.

Be perfectly happy with the sexism, racism, and just general bigotry of the time period. Something that at least comics Steve Rogers has been proven to hate so much, he actively made himself go forward in time permanently, after only saving Bucky, because he couldn't stand it. No amount of Peggy to fix the situation for him. She's also never mattered as much as any other love interest to him. Not even Blind Al, that one's obscure~.

Be perfectly happy to do nothing while a situation is pointed south, even though he has previously stated incapable of doing so? While he knows what will happen or that people are suffering and dying for him and Peggy, what he will do to Sharon, and just completely and utterly not giving a shit.

Huh... Well, none of that sounds 'good'. I guess it also means he completely regrets his decision to save all those lives and sacrifice himself. A decision... I assumed he was the type of person to be able to make more than once if necessary. Because it was who he was. And supposedly, what Peggy even respected him for. I assumed Peggy would have also respected this decision, not backtracked to make him actively do the opposite of this very thing for 70 years. Possibly even... if we're to believe Hydra is allowed to run rampant all those years, potentially thousands of lives to be killed on his behalf instead.

Huh, I guess it was a pointless decision.

“We don't trade lives.”

Right?

And we're supposed to believe Mjolnir, a tool essentially measuring 'selflessness' and humility, purity of heart, 'worthiness', would be perfectly fine with labeling this behavior as 'good' as well.

That just seems like a pipe dream for every sod who can't get laid and has a backwards moral compass, but let's not dive into that.

Despite the fact that he's also abandoning all sense of self and is nothing more than a mindless puppet at this point. Through 'Steve Rogers' choosing this ending... he is actively doing wrong, and knows it. He is actively allowing Hydra to prosper, and... essentially...

Proving Zola right.

“We won, Captain. Your life amounts to your death, a zero sum!”

Familiar now, isn't it? But I guess every message we learned about Steve, in light of everything, in light of Peggy, is meaningless so long as he's... getting laid. Or 'happy'.

That doesn't sound fucked up at all, being perfectly okay with people suffering on your behalf. But I suppose it's no surprise that the people who love Atwell so much and are perfectly okay with her behavior feel the same way...

And here's the thing, I don't think 'Steve Rogers'... the real one in context of his story anyway, would be happy in a setting he needs to let others suffer on his behalf, and ignore their suffering, in order for him to be happy. Looking at his character just over the previous movies, I'd say this would in actuality be literal torment for him.

Spidey gave a perfect rendition that completely embodied everything Steve Rogers stands for and had stood for in those movies.

“When you can do the things that I can, but you don't, and then the bad things happen... They happen because of you...”

What a coincidence. And another important message.

If you actually think a man like Steve, a first responder by nature, who always seeks out the goodness in others and wants to help people, would suddenly sit on his ass and allow people to suffer for him? When he couldn't even do this while too small to make any real impact?

You are delusional. And it is disturbing that you would somehow label that as 'good', as 'cute', as 'healthy', as 'right', as 'true love'. As 'happy' for him.

This is a man, forced into retirement, under the 'guise' of a 'choice', when in reality, it is atrociously horrible writing that disregards anything about who he was and what he stood for. That had he been real, this would have been a disservice to him and is certainly one to every important message the character has, and the history behind him. He would have been stuck in this world. Trapped, and held back from doing anything. By someone who supposedly 'loves' him?

Love doesn't hold people back or hold on possessively like a fucking parasite, it sets people free.

Why would she do that to him? Why would she sit back and assume all of those things are 'okay'? How? Why would anyone want her to??? I thought Peggy was supposed to be a good character inspired by upholding his message. Did she break the vial? Did she keep him in her basement? Did she tell him to sit on his ass and 'look pretty' while she did all the work? A fucking horrible job I might add, if she just lets Hydra run rampant and kill Howard for her sake. How is someone like that admired as a 'good' person?

Nothing about this is 'good'.

This ending is not 'beautiful'. It is a horror story masquerading as something 'pretty'. It is an abuse story being normalized to a vast and unknowing public. At best, a horribly irresponsible message to send the public... and at worst... a reflection of what's wrong with society as a whole. Possibly with ulterior and deliberate intentions.

In order for this ending to happen, Steve Rogers must cut ties with his family and abandon all he loved, loves, lives for, all sense of self... all for Peggy, and solely Peggy's, satisfaction. Seems oddly... familiar to a certain situation his best friend, who seemingly means nothing to him, happened to be in... for 70 years.

Let's reverse the roles. If Steve had been a female to do this for a man's sake? The first thing people would notice is how unhealthy the relationship is. How obsessive it is. How harmful it is. And how disgusting the normalization of it is. In a media that has a far reach and should be so much more fucking responsible with the messages they send their viewers.

Knowing that there are so many sacrifices, ones that shouldn't be made, and that every sacrifice comes from Steve's end, would you willingly call this relationship healthy? Beautiful? 'True love'?

When in reality, they'd only shared one kiss, and never dated?

Yeah. Seems legit.

On the flip side, you have that other interpretation, right? The one where he's in an alternate universe and lets his Peggy live her life with another man, but steals this Peggy both from her future husband and himself.

You'd think it gets better, right? I mean he can fix this universe in full, he might fuck something up and we might consider it a bit irresponsible to play with timelines like that, but he can always just go back if it goes too bad. He's earned it, his shot at this life, still disregarding Sharon and now... a version of himself. A Steve still trapped in the ice. Still suffering on his behalf. While he lives out his life with supposedly this Steve's girl, this Steve's Bucky, and this Steve's entire potential life.

Oh, and apparently this Peggy really doesn't care about the Steve trapped in the ice, since she's also fine with a replacement that's totally different from the one she knew~! That's not weird or fucked up at all.

Leaving him to wake up, alone, in the future having known the life he wanted was knowingly taken by someone else. Someone selfish enough to leave him in the ice. Bucky's alive and safe from Hydra, yay! Apparently... no version from this alternate universe is worth giving the shield to though. So I guess Steve ultimately didn't love these replacements as much. And of course, this is assuming Steve doesn't also just leave this universe as is for everything else terrible to happen.

This is assuming he gives a shit at all. Because if he had?

Tell me why... defrosting the alternate Steve to live out a life with his own Peggy, to at least make sure one of them got that 'happy ending', could still do good, without abandoning anyone, could kick ass, could fix everything in this alternate timeline, maybe even with a few tips from this time traveling Steve, somehow wasn't acceptable compared to 'Steve Rogers' actively and willingly doing, and allowing terrible things to happen, and abandoning everyone else who loved him.

Once again, cut off from his family and replacing them all with clones.

This is supposed to be better?

Did he ever really love Peggy, or just the way she looked since any identical twin happened to work just fine?

Tell me why, if Chris Evans just wanted to stop playing the role, Steve going back for just the dance and asking for Peggy's blessing to marry Sharon, presumably after they'd actually made an effort to develop the relationship, presumably after Peggy has made her peace with loving someone else, and then coming back to not abandon his family or any of his principles or promises he made, or just who he is in general, and proposing to Sharon with Peggy's blessing and understanding, wouldn't have been better and more respectful in all ways?

With the characters, with their history, with their messages. Tell me how it wouldn't have been better to simply have him out of the spotlight and training recruits, but still actively being who he was and doing good somehow couldn't have been acceptable?

There, I can write a better ending than those quack professionals Marvel hired. Simple, easy, done. Where's my fucking job~?

Instead of demolishing every part of who he was, using an anti-bullying character... to reward bullying no less?

Even if Evans wanted to retire or would have made a decision like this, doesn't mean Cap would have ever even remotely done something similar. At least not a good version of him. Upholding the symbolic moral message the character presents would have been easy, but they were too stupid to even try.

Tell me how this ending doesn't disrespect a previous almost 60 years of an established comic relationship, a relationship need I remind in which Sharon was pregnant with Steve's child, one sadly lost, and later shared an adopted son with him. A relationship, that should they disrespect and retcon for Peggy's sake, will only serve to make Steve Rogers seem like a terrible person with no sense of loyalty to a woman he supposedly loved and has spent a good chunk of his life with. As opposed to sharing one kiss or brief romance with. For all intents and purposes, Sharon being his common law wife.

Ironically, the very thing Atwell claimed this relationship did in the MCU, despite the fact that her character only shared a single kiss with Steve, canonically. And she lied and actively manipulated fans into believing it was so much more. When... watch the movies, it wasn't.

Tell me how this ending doesn't disrespect the characters, including Peggy, and the messages they have conveyed, the convictions they've held over the years of their history, and the symbolism which I would argue is much more important, that they represent. Tell me how it doesn't somehow disrespect and belittle Bucky, Erskine, the idea that Howard was Steve's friend, or that any of the people Steve loved actually mattered to him, beyond Peggy.

Beyond getting laid. Because deny it all you want, that is what this ending boils down to. That is the only reason it exists.

Or, actually, I'd wager it also exists to actively squash the importance of the messages the characters convey.

Here's an idea. Johann Schmidt and comics Hydra Cap both have more conviction and loyalty to their cause than EG Cap. And Schmidt post IW/EG arguably causes less harm than EG Cap actively allows to happen right beside himself, because Schmidt is incapable of doing much as the stone's guardian.

And at least Hydra Cap made sense within the context of his storyline.

Prove me wrong.

That's the sort of Cap you have to support to like this ending. Hydra complacent, bigotry complacent, and completely castrated, or at the very least, willing to replace everyone he loves with clones while he takes an alternate Steve's life. Frankly, that's not a Cap I think anyone should support. And I don't think any fans, especially Peggy or Steggy fans should be somehow proud of the fact that this is the sort of 'Steve' that Peggy gets.

I mean... I suppose it is in fact the kind of Steve that sort of Peggy, equally complacent and horrible, would deserve? But that doesn't really stop it from being gross, does it?

Is that really what you'd want as a fan?

I've mentioned that Atwell's alleged behavior is inappropriate, excessive, disturbing. And I'll also mention, this kind of obsession for fictional characters is unhealthy. So why did she do this? Why the behavior at all, why did she go out of her way to essentially hurt Emily, discreetly of course, without people noticing? Why all the manipulation?

Well... it gets worse. And this is certainly where that allegedly becomes very important.

Take a moment to think for a minute about who benefited from this ending and how.

Atwell, most certainly, at Emily's expense of course. At the expense of fans. And an actual well written product we wouldn't get immediate buyer's remorse from. And of course maybe one that doesn't insult our intelligence?

You could assume she simply wanted money. Though somehow... that doesn't really fit. Maybe spotlight? That makes a little more sense, though just as bad. It's seedy, it's spiteful, it's uncomfortably close to a bad Harlequin manga villain. If you've ever read one of those.

They're based off old trashy romance novels if that gives any reference.

Except... what if you replaced every instance of 'Steve, Sharon, and Peggy', with instances of herself and Chris? With the names, 'Chris, Emily, and Hayley'.

Except Emily is happily married now, and can easily identify the difference between a romantic interest in her work, and in real life. Can easily discern a job from her private life. Because that's what a good, stable, actress or actor can easily do.

Suddenly, the situation takes on a very different meaning.

How creepy would that have been for her to do? Along with easily dismissed by the public.

Keep in mind, this is a woman who publicly admitted to, and even in plain view, groping this man, multiple times, without his explicit consent because she 'couldn't help herself'. Okay. Big deal, right? So she touched his 'man boobs' a couple times. He laughed it off, it was all good fun. Why would he complain, it's different, men shouldn't be complaining about being touched without their permission by beautiful women. Despite the fact that they're not, nor have they ever been, in a romantic relationship together.

It's perfectly appropriate for a woman to grope a man as she pleases, whether he is in a relationship with her or even other people, or not. He can't feel uncomfortable because of this, only woman can. Why would he ever be uncomfortable about it, and if he was, he would have said so. He loves her, they're friends!

Let me know if the hypocrisy needed for that logic is falling through the cracks here, because that seems like a dangerous double standard to set.

You shouldn't be allegedly or otherwise, touching or really molesting, in her own words 'groping', anyone publicly and suddenly, especially without their consent. But let's assume he was okay with every single time it had happened. Okay. Sure. Fine. It's his body to decide with who can touch him like that, who can invade his personal space and how, right? And besides, he loves the attention and being objectified by women.

That's clearly why he'll make an effort to actually call out and put people on the spot who pretend to talk to him through a faked photoshopped encounter, right? Clearly why he absolutely hates that.

Now let's assume he wasn't.

Why would he ever admit to that if the response we can expect is that 'he's a man, so he should be okay with it'? As if men somehow don't have a right to their own bodies or can't be sexually harassed and molested, abused, raped, you name it. Objectified maybe? Why would we be suspicious of the behavior or tell someone that it's wrong, without the full story even though it's happening in our plain view?

Playfulness and comfort between friends is one thing, boundaries between them is another, and friends can still cross boundaries they shouldn't. Sometimes they do. Consider the fact of a known straight man and a woman who is attracted to him, and suddenly the implications change. The man, so far, has not shown even remotely the same attraction.

But why would we suspect her behavior would entail anything other than support for her own character that she played, and the ship she was a part of, which had been respectfully written out of the story and made to move on? It's not like she was actively dragging down a woman, a real person, another actress that essentially got in her way, and the part she wanted to play. Kissing Chris Evans.

It's not like she claimed she'd be the best choice for Sharon's actress in blonde wig before Emily was cast. Oh wait...

Was that in that little blog sourcing everything she did and claimed? I can't remember.

And this is all speculation of course. But I think it's very important speculation. And especially, is a reason to be suspicious of everything she did. But I of course can't read her mind, only look at what she did do and what there's proof of. Allegedly.

Seems like an extreme extant to go to to to get an extra kiss from an actor, right? An actor who, mind you, dated other people, not her, and seemed to ultimately choose his dog over anyone. And of course, since we're speculating.

Under the pretense that 'Peggy' gets 'Steve', 'she' got the 'man' that everyone else wanted, right? She lived that fantasy, married him, and had kids with him, and everyone else is just jealous of her. The characters are meant for each other, she can take no blame in what's done with the characters.

Except when encouraging hatred among her fans and negative press for the company and story so long as it doesn't revolve around her.

In this light, looking at the facts, her alleged behavior is extremely creepy.

When you consider the fact that Evans suddenly, and I mean suddenly wanted to quit playing the character, seemingly out of nowhere when just a year before still wanting to do so, and at the same time, he admitted to loving the idea of continuing to play Cap, and even the prospect of doing a movie with Deadpool and Wolverine. Something that would have been brilliant by the way, and I lament that it apparently won't happen every day.

Source

Yes, there is a very special relationship there, read a fucking comic~.

Let's consider the fact that Evans said this about his 'final scene of Endgame'. To sow just a little bit of discord. Of course, there's no guarantee that this scene had anything to do with that one he shared with 'Peggy'. Speculation.

Let's assume it did. Let's go beyond and say, Hayley was the entire reason Evans wanted to quit. The entire reason he wouldn't fight this, and was done playing the character. Let's assume this was the last straw for him, and that he quit just to get away from her.

Allegedly.

Let's assume for just a moment, he was no longer comfortable or happy around this woman. And she was breaking him down. Let's assume he was just tired of all the bullshit, had maybe even seen it for what it really was, was even creeped out. And decided, sure. 'I'll keep my mouth shut... as long as I don't have to deal with her'.

We can also assume he's being... strongarmed into silence somehow, either by the company or by her. Maybe I'm going out on a limb here, but that man hasn't looked the slightest bit happy as of late, and it's noticeable in his interviews. Maybe there's a reason for that. But maybe this idea is pushing it a tad too far, let's take a step back for a moment and remember the simple fact that this is speculation.

Based on alleged actions and circumstantial evidence.

I could absolutely be wrong and I am willing to admit that.

If Chris Evans wanted to call me out on this, correct me about Atwell and her behavior specifically towards him in this regard, I would welcome it. Even if he managed to prove me wrong about the bullying, provide an article or interview of some kind that does in fact prove her innocence, I would be more than happy to take a look at it and retract everything I've mentioned here regarding her, and her behavior. Even delete this post, and publicly apologize to her.

I want to be wrong about this, because it is fucked up, it is creepy, it is something he should not have had to, or have to ever deal with. It is not something Emily should have ever had to deal with, let alone the fans.

Nor is it something that we should simply tolerate and accept from Hayley Atwell. From or towards anyone.

Chris Evans is a human being. Emily VanCamp is a human being. Both of them deserved the utmost respect from Atwell, along with everyone else, neither of them received this from her. Allegedly.

The messages conveyed by that rottenly horrific ending can't even begin to compare to how important this simple fact is.

Real people were hurt. Bullies were rewarded. This should not have happened. We cannot simply allow it to happen now, or in the future. We cannot simply allow more harm to be done, with the continued bullying from that Hydra Support Group I mentioned, and their continued attempts to get Emily fired and Sharon removed from the comics.

That they quite clearly don't give a shit to buy or even read.

Why is this important now, of all times, during a pandemic that is keeping us all indoors with nothing better to do?

Well for one, I'm indoors with nothing better to do than come across bullshit like this. There's also something to be publicly said about female abusers and how important it is that we start to recognize when these situations might be happening. Whether from a man or a woman. And whether to a man, or another woman. If she didn't hurt Chris, she certainly didn't hesitate to hurt Emily.

I have friends... that were living their lives off of the messages Cap taught and inspired in people. Good friends, good people. And maybe it seems silly to linger on something like that, but I can say first hand it is heartbreaking to watch those people get that same inspiration, those same moral messages ripped away, and stolen from them.

And be left struggling with trying to hold on to those messages, but try as they may, not being able to. And then come a few epiphanies, a few discoveries.

This shit. The bullying. The behavior, the fact that we as fans were given a normalized abusive relationship, and told it was somehow good, somehow just, somehow right. That that's the message we are being given in place of everything else...

I had a friend have a panic attack because of this ending, after she tried to rationalize that it was okay, that it was 'sweet', and 'cute', and understandable. Because it hit a little too fucking close to home for her, and now she just relives that, remembers it with almost any part of what her favorite thing in the world was. And that is horrifying to know...

“I helped support this. I gave them money. I dedicated years of my life to following this.”

And it goes so much more beyond regretting that decision. It goes so much more beyond being able to simply move on and somehow keep those symbols, or at least the core messages beyond them and disassociate them from the characters when you can't escape reminders of it. When you can see so incredibly clearly what it really means, what really happened, and everyone else around you just accepts that something so fundamentally wrong is something right.

Here's a question, can you sue a company that's so profoundly built an empire, so embedded itself into your day to day life that you can't escape a personal trauma being reminded of it in something you paid for and actively support for years from this company? Does that count as some form of being publicly irresponsible and projecting harmful ideologies?

Is that something someone can do, or is it just something a 'Karen' would do? Would the sheer evil it takes to become that type of person, to dawn that haircut and demand to speak to a manager be worth it in the end?

“What did it cost?”

“Everything...”

Yeah, it really fucking did.

Oh hey, by the way. Hayley Atwell is definitely a Karen. Just thought I might point that out. Why else would she throw a massive tantrum to get someone bullied out of a franchise because she's not getting her way or the spotlight on her? She's just an evolved one.

Allegedly.

I am all for people policing their own content and being respectful of creators, and understanding that fiction is different from reality. Not every concept will be stomachable or enjoyable by absolutely everyone. Horror in itself is a perfect example of that, especially psychological horror.

I can also say without a doubt that I hate knowing that the people I care about are so heavily affected by something they had initially used to make themselves a better person, that should remain fictional and symbolic but just somehow forces itself to go beyond that.

I hate knowing a corporation could be so irresponsible that this is the message they get billions of dollars for, that this is what they give to the public, that this lack of care or even noticing what they've done and who they've rewarded, and the continued behavior...

The bullying, and despite every piece of criticism screaming at them just how fucked up this is.

But no, they can't take two fucking seconds, to think 'maybe we made a bad move and shouldn't stick by this considering what it's done or is doing to fans'. 'Maybe we should be more responsible with the power and influence we happen to have'...

Except they knew.

“It might end the whole franchise.”

What kind of context am I supposed to imagine for those words. Especially in light of a franchise that had a multitude of plans to continue.

What the fuck does that mean?

And isn't that the most piss soaked cherry on top of this shit cake?

Hayley's words in the interview represent how little she cared about the character, about the franchise, about the fans, or the messages conveyed, as long as she got what she wanted.

And she did.

Publicly... adored... psychopath.

Allegedly.

Cap's core message is something so incredibly vital, I believe, to this world. Especially in these times. Especially when it comes to making progress.

“Doesn't matter what the press says. Doesn't matter what the politicians or the mobs say. Doesn't matter if the whole country decides that something wrong is something right. This nation was founded on one principle above all else: the requirement that we stand up for what we believe, no matter the odds or the consequences. When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world –"No, you move."”

Especially in a world that will actively tell and show us that human lives aren't worth a dime a fucking dozen to the people we let control our world. Especially when we should be telling these same people.

“No, fuck you, that's wrong.”

And yeah, that fucking sucks. It fucking sucks to have family that is vulnerable to something potentially deadly, to be vulnerable to it, and have no control over that. It fucking sucks to know people you may trust will not even give a shit. And it is fucking hard to keep hope when everything around you just seems to be falling apart.

And you can't do a damn thing.

But this message teaches us just that. To not lose hope. To not lose faith. To keep fighting for what we believe in, and make things better. Isn't that the whole point of criticism? Challenging ideas, beliefs, so that we can discern right from wrong and have a better understanding of what that might be? So that we can improve? What a hell of time it would be to have this message with us. What a hell of a time for us to need this message, now more than anything... and not have it.

What a hell of a time for someone to willingly quit portraying and sending that message... Though I can't say I'd blame him, he's only human, it's a heavy burden to bear, and if Atwell really did do all of this just to kiss him... Allegedly.

Well, I'd wanna get away from her too. Provided it was willing at all. I get mixed signals from that guy. And trust him about as far as I can throw him. I am a weak bitch, so that is not very far... But... professional liar, so.

He could also be the world's biggest troll, cause I don't believe for a second he didn't know how fans would react to this. Which... biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch. But also, RESPECT.

And also, BITCH! Be serious for a goddamn second, this is fucking important!

But this message also teaches rebellion.

What a hell of a message to publicly squander in order to keep people complacent, for the sake of pretending someone gets a 'happy' horrific ending, finally getting laid. Like neither of those things were something that couldn't be found in the future while still preserving the legacy of the character.

Right?

Ironically, it was a message they had helped to represent with Sharon, and still there's the issue of her and fans being publicly bullied and disrespected, once again, a real person, people, for Atwell's sake.

If we only surround ourselves by those that tell us what we want to hear, rather than the truth, we can only stagnate our growth.

If we only care when we are finally forced to face the problems evident, can we really call ourselves virtuous?

If we do nothing knowing something is wrong, what does this say about us?

I'm just as guilty in not noticing these sorts of things as they happen until it's too late, but I'd like to hope I'm getting better and paying more attention, and that we can still do better.

What's the point of all this, and what can we do?

As I said before, I do not want to cause harm. I do not want people to go and harass anyone for alleged wrong doings or behavior of any sort. I do not want people to lose entire jobs or livelihoods over this. But it is clear something is wrong, and we certainly need to right it. I also don't believe any of the parties involved are somehow beyond redemption. Even Hayley.

If Marvel had any sense, especially now, they would retcon this, however necessary, first off. They don't even need Evans to do that, they can do something as simple as making a comic that undoes this nasty ending and saves Cap, and the other characters, from being made into an empty shell and castrated version of himself. Or at least make a solid plan to and very publicly apologize to Emily for the situation and discourage such behavior among their fandom. Hayley would do the same, not just to fans but especially to Emily, and maybe even Chris.

If you ever participated in this behavior and now understand that it was wrong, I would encourage you to go give Emily your love and support and apologize to her for this mess and what she had to deal with on behalf of fans. She deserved far better. She still deserves better.

If Hayley refused to acknowledge or even publicly address this? Or Marvel, Disney for that matter, well it would just go to show that they'd want it all swept under the rug instead of being held accountable for what happened. Something that's certainly a disrespect to Walt Disney , as he was able to make amends and admit to his mistakes publicly, and it's a stain on the legacy he left behind that the current Disney can hardly be bothered to.

And yes, believe it or not, there's a way to not let them do this without aggressive harassment.

My first suggestion is meme the shit out of it. Be an absolute troll and make a joke of this giant fucking joke of a company that can't even put two and two together for basic story elements. To an extant that will publicly embarrass them for sure, be relentless, but don't send hate.

Just show everyone the clowns they are~.

I've been told this can also be a bit mean though. And clearly, we can't simply let them forget it or forget it ourselves.

The second, ask questions. Simply ask for this to be addressed, try to get it noticed as best you can. Send them this across as many platforms as you can to as many people as you can. Or even just the smaller blogs I linked. Repost, reblog, and share this as much as you can and make it something they can't ignore without sending them direct hate and harassment. Copy and paste or just send a link to this in a concerned email to the corporation. Make sure their offices are absolutely buzzing with the news. Ask, don't demand, your favorite MCU actors to publicly speak out about this, please. Keep asking until you get some sort of response.

Without being rude.

Because it may take time, it may take effort, but it is important, and it certainly should be addressed. And never allowed to happen again.

As for Atwell and her bullies?

Well, first let me congratulate her.

She played herself. All those jokes about turning Peggy into a supervillain and that's exactly what she did. With her own wants and desires, not Peggy's.

But otherwise be kind, be courteous, and hold your grace and elegance. Treat her with the same respect you would want for yourself and do not stoop to her or their level. Do not insult her. Ask her, 'what's wrong'? Ask her why she did this, if she's okay. Ask her to stop, to speak out about it, to address the situation and to understand why she didn't do it sooner. Ask her if she's seeking help for whatever psychological issues she may have that would push her to do something like this, wish her well, and tell her you hope she finds the help she needs and learns that what she did was wrong. Let her know you're disappointed if you're a fan.

She definitely shouldn't be allowed to keep relishing in the reward and aftermath of what she did, and she definitely owes Emily, and possibly Chris, an apology for all the bullshit she encouraged and did. Her behavior, allegedly, is fucking creepy.

But she's still a human being, behaviors are correctable.

Simply address the fact that it was wrong and ask her if she understands that. Also maybe that... public molestation isn't okay? Allegedly.

Do the same for her bullies, if they are rude to you, simply tell them:

'Oh... you support Hydra... you're entitled to your opinion, but I'll have to disagree.'

And leave it at that. Just take comfort in the fact that you can recognize an abusive relationship and don't support it. You cannot force them to change their minds if they don't want to, do not antagonize them or potentially bring harm to yourself by doing so. And yes, that is admittedly a bit mean, a bit trollish~, and the reality is they probably don't support Hydra... But they also kinda have to to support this ending somehow.

The writers 'confirmed' Hydra Trash Party as canon while the directors 'confirmed' everyone in Steve's life being replaceable.

And he still becomes a creepy uncle while someone needs to suffer on his behalf for 70 years.

Fantastic~! I'm accepting neither and I give you no money until it's fixed! Because it's gross~!

If this situation is addressed by everyone involved, and any allegations and speculations I've made are in fact proven true, but let's say Atwell still publicly refuses to admit to anything she did or apologize to Emily. Even if Disney does. Well, she'll be proving exactly what type of person we suspect her to be. And only then would I consider it acceptable for the company to completely erase her from the franchise in turn and blacklist her from what they produce. Some people might consider that too nice, I think it's reasonable, you're free to disagree.

Not necessarily her character though, Peggy has actually done nothing wrong on her own, she's a fictional character best represented by good writers, and malleable according to that. And I would certainly even encourage much better character explorations and portrayals of her. But Hayley herself, who would then become pretty much a poster child for harassment and bullying, and defending psychopathic behaviors...

Allegedly.

If people try to silence you, ignore you, keep trying, keep spreading the message, keep going as much as you can, until we manage to get this addressed and the situation finally corrected.

Do not support the company, or actress that refuses to address this. Do not support people that do terrible things without holding them accountable. Do not allow them to simply get away with it, but do not lose your own humanity for their sake.

I know first hand how fucking hard it is not to lose your shit when shit like this happens. And nobody notices. But I guarantee, throwing a fit of rage will get nothing done, and they will try to use it against you.

If they manage to prove me wrong in any regards? Great! I will be fucking overjoyed! I hate the idea that evil is actively happening in the world and people do nothing about it, don't you?

And a friendly reminder.

You are not in anyway required to purchase anything from Marvel, any of the actual bullshit content and harmful ideas they refuse to take any criticism or responsibility for. You are not obligated to them just because you are a fan, and you do not owe them anything. If they want our money, they can earn it, but you can definitely get your fixes of good creative content elsewhere, and even support other artists. If this is what they provide, you do not have to support them. You can make your own. For free. And enjoy what others make for free. For any and all people part of an intricate creative community, fan fiction does not just have to be trashy romance or gay ass ships. That is a huge chunk of it, I won't even bother lying about that, I'm under no illusions otherwise.

But it can also be just simple storylines based off what canons you like, simple fan comics that maybe present a different sort of story arc you aren't seeing developed and wonder where you might go with it. It can be action, scifi, fantasy, horror. It can be any sort of fusion that you would enjoy. It can even be insanely good or horrendously bad! It can even be original fiction! And yes, you're more than allowed to publicly critique and parody the work these companies sell you, go write ahead~, and make a point of making something better. Because you can.

Or it can be shipping wars and nonsensical shit and trashy romance and smut. Again, no illusions that there's not a whole lot of that shit.

Or crack. Lots of crack fic.

But the beauty of it is that it's up to you. And you don't owe anyone anything because everything you get to make is free. But keep in mind that goes both ways in this aspect. For you and others, and I'd wager to say there are a lot of writers out there that can definitely do these characters and their messages a much better justice than the disservice and disrespect Marvel has given them and the fans. Especially as of late.

Lastly, especially in these times... do not lose hope.

Do not lose faith in the message Steve Rogers stands for, or in the hopes things may get better. For all of us. And for the character? That he may just yet be saved from quite plainly, all the bullshit. That any of your favorite characters might be given better treatment down the line. And if not?

Save 'em yourself. Make it better yourself. And make it known, no matter what happens, no matter what they do, these messages can't be squandered or destroyed. Hold them dear, and don't accept anything less than them being upheld, no matter how it's represented.

Particularly when you're paying for it. Don't harass small time writers that write self indulgent bullshit for free. Just police your content accordingly, please.

But the message?

That's what's important.

In conclusion?

'Logan' was the better movie. Hayley turned Peggy into 'Monika' of Doki Doki Literature Club. And Chris Evans chose his dog.

“I don't like bullies... I don't care where they're from.”

;)

[henrik-von-schneeplestein]

sorry we keep coming to bother you with stuff like this, but did you happen to see the nasty 'creepy comment' about ego shipping huffle-dork made before retagging it? that horrid septic-dr-schneep came in with their own stupid post. are shippers in the wrong for being upset? should there be an anti ego shipping tag for those that don't like it you think? (sorry if including their names doesn't sit well with you) ~🥀

Yiiiiikes omg I was at work and didn’t see at all but I did some ~research~ and jesus fucking christ lol

Shippers are definitely allowed to be upset at being called creepy (can’t believe that needs saying but this is the JSE fandom so) but honestly this is one of those things that I don’t even have the capacity to be angry about anymore. Anyone who ships the egos has heard this, and we’ve heard it eight million times. We know exactly what these people say about us, and we also know that no one else in the community cares. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it every day if I have to: the reason things like this are so asinine and hurtful are because ego shippers are without contest the nicest part of this fandom (they’re also the most talented, which is I think a bigger part of the issue than people realize lol - for some of those people, it truly is jealousy). I don’t give a single fuck if people in this fandom like me; it’s when I see people, especially LGBTQ+ people, talk about how ashamed they feel of shipping and making secret blogs to avoid backlash for it, that I get angry. Because to see the kindest, most welcoming people in the fandom feeling like they don’t belong - being told that they don’t belong - is heartbreaking.

I didn’t see the ‘should people who hate ego ships have their own tag’ part of the discourse, but all I can say is that if the concept of gay people writing stories that represent their own identities makes you so angry that you feel the need to comment on it in literally any way that isn’t ‘hey I personally don’t like ego shipping so don’t tag me in it or send it to me,’ I don’t think what you need is a tag, I think what you need is probably therapy. 

Unless what you meant is should there be a specific tag they can block, in which case the answer is absolutely: the name of whatever ship they’re uncomfortable with. It’s absolutely valid to be uncomfortable with/hate a certain ship - I’m sure plenty of shippers have a few - and if there’s more than one, you can easily block more than one ship name. If you hate the concept of any of these male characters being shipped together, it’s your responsibility to block all those tags. Some people may tag ‘ego shipping’ on fanworks they post (sometimes it’s nice to do - I track ‘ego shipping!’ Get that exposure, y’all!) but that’s in no way required. It’s not something that necessitates warning, like violence or sexual content; there’s nothing inherently objectionable or controversial about ego shipping (or any other queer content) so it doesn’t need to be tagged and it most certainly doesn’t need to be warned for. 

By the wayside, using names is fine on my blog. I’m definitely a big believer in ‘if what you’re saying is justified, you sign your name to it and don’t subpost or be passive aggressive; own it entirely, otherwise it’s just gossip and shit talk.’ I’ll always risk ‘drama’ to make my stance clear.  Every time I see a blog that has one of those weird insult things isa-ghost gives out in their description - idk if it’s an AU or like a joke but they’re like “’ugly carrot’ according to isa-ghost” or “’unwanted suitcase’ according to isa-ghost” - I desperately want to add “’petty shipper’ according to isa-ghost” to my description but I mean I think that might validate the ‘petty’ part a little too much jghjfgh. ‘Horrid’ is maybe a stronger word than I would use for s-d-s but I mean if they’ve made you feel uncomfortable you have a right to say so. I’ve never had an issue with people just saying on their own blog that they personally don’t like shipping which to the best of my knowledge is what that person mainly sticks to, even if I agree it’s pretty clear that her stance is the same as the people who are actively horrible to us, and I did take issue with something (unrelated to shipping) she said once so I don’t really interact with her. The blogs I’m always talking about that I really find disgusting are the ones that call us gross, the ones that claim we shouldn’t like it or should ‘trigger warn’ it, the ones who say we don’t belong in the community, the ones who say we should ‘have our lgbt cards taken away’ lol. That’s the thing - we literally are asking for the most basic of respect. The bar is literally underground, and these people just keep picking up shovels.

Honestly, my reaction to this happening is ‘well, what are we gonna do about it?’ Not in a defeatist way - I’m genuinely asking. What can we do to make sure all the wonderful, creative, talented, sweet ego shippers know that they’re valued members of this community, and deserve better than this kind of treatment? To anyone who may still be reading who isn’t actively a shipper but likes to consider themselves a kind & welcoming community, I’m sorry, but I need to ask you to do better. If you see someone saying something actively mean or disrespectful about ego shippers, at the very least, unfollow & stop interacting. I know that’s a big ask, even if it shouldn’t be, because these are big blogs and you want to feel included and have friends. But continuing to support them is by nature saying that it’s acceptable behavior, that it’s just a difference of opinion, and again, once it crosses that line, it’s not anymore. By all means, interact with people who don’t ship and don’t like shipping - interact with ONLY those people if you want. And of course I can’t tell you what to do when it comes to the downright mean people, I’m just asking you to consider what you’re saying when you tolerate people who insult and demean certain community members for no reason, and I’m also asking you not to further insult us by telling us you support us while making it very clear that you don’t care if we’re treated with basic respect or not.

And to the shippers, my ‘what can we do?’ is a genuine, open-ended question. If there’s anything that I personally can do to make you feel welcome in this community, please tell me what it is. I’m not a very popular blog at all, but you should always feel free to tag me in/send me any ego ship content and I’ll happily reblog it, and god knows I’m always around to talk about ships, AUs, headcanons, and that kind of thing! I’m also around to talk just in general - if you’re feeling ashamed, angry, or sad about your place in the fandom, I’ve always got open ears and heart emojis for you. I love you very much and I’m glad you’re here.

[rosaguard]

summer waxes poetically about her favorite aeris gainsborough ships:

i never reblogged that five ships meme because...well i don’t have five aeris ships i care about lol. however, i was challenged(tm) so here is something close to it. i do feel like it is fitting to make this post on here since aeris was actually the first muse i truly started writing a ship on after asking someone first ( and i had been writing on tumblr for like...5 years on and off before that for context. anything before that was just..maybe flirting - nothing i felt invested in ).

aeris & happiness.

   the most important ship. the OTP. no other can compare. i think the biggest tragedy of aeris’ death is that so much was taken from her. she had so much to live for, so much to do, and her life was brutally and suddenly ripped away when she was finally getting the chance to figure herself out and rise to her full potential. i don’t want to aeris to die in the remake ( especially because everything about the whispers would’ve felt like a waste of time if nothing significant changes and aeris living is probably as significant as you can get ) but if it happens, it happens - i’ll just be really sad and disappointed by it lol. i’ve always been very clear that aeris’ death is not a bad one despite my blog canon essentially retconning it. there’s a reason she dies and it’s not to further cloud’s man pain ( he had enough of his own trauma already ); she dies because she’s a legitimate threat to sephiroth’s plans. she’s actually an example of a character death, especially a female one, done incredibly well, especially compared to SE’s recent output ( serah, luna, etc. ). also anyone who says she was created just to die is also wrong. barret was originally written to die first and they decided to change it.

    anyway, the point of me bringing all of this up is that i didn’t decide to do away with her death because i think SE sucks and they hate women. i did away with it because a lot of aeris’ character development ( her learning about the cetra at cosmo canyon, figuring out what the white materia does, etc ) is implied / off-screen since we never know her point of view and then well...she dies. i wanted to explore what her feelings would be if she woke up alive after being attacked while meteor is slowly drawing closer to the planet. how would she handle that? how would she feel? would she feel like a failure? would she be angry? what would she do after meteor is destroyed? would she travel the world? join the w.r.o? tell everyone to fuck off and then move to a cottage in the middle of nowhere and live the rest of her life in peace? these are the questions i wanted answered when i thought about aeris living. i don’t care if she ends up with cloud, or zack, or whoever because they don’t matter: aeris matters. she’s her own person with goals, desires, wishes, and more. no one talks about what she would want and do if she had lived. all people care about is what ‘man’ she belongs to as if she’s a prize to be exchanged between them.

   the second reason is simple that she fucking deserves it. she deserves it after living in a lab for 7 years and watching her mother die just trying to get her out. she deserves after having to deal with being stalked by the same company responsible for a lot of her suffering. she deserves to finally be around friends that make her feel loved, accepted, and cared for. she deserves to not feel alone, or like an outcast, or a freak because of her powers. she deserves to be able to go to icicle inn too and see footage of her father for the first time. she deserves to be able to go back to kalm and see her mom again. she deserves to live happily just like everyone else gets to do. her life has been filled with so much tragedy and pain yet she never lets it define her. she blooms in the face of adversity. she keeps smiling even up until the end of her life. she deserves happiness as her end-game and if i don’t get it in canon, i’m going to create it here myself.

aeris & cloud.

    i disliked this ship for a long time. it actually wasn’t because of the ship itself but due to some of my experiences with the shippers. i won’t go into my fandom experiences but i ran an account dedicated to ti.fa for almost six years so i’ve seen how...unpretty both sides of the 'ship war’ can get and it turned me off. a lot. when i decided to write aeris, i immediately started a replay of the the original game with an ‘aeris-lens’ ( analyzing her character, her relationships, making sure i got her date, etc. ). it made me look at her relationship with cloud in a different light since i had never really paid attention to it as heavily before since i avoided the ship tbh. i ended up enjoying their dynamic a lot. they have a natural chemistry with each other but there’s also this unspoken distance between them which is fully intentional - she has her own walls up and he has his. 

    they have a very ‘tragic love’ since well...she dies before anything can fully go to the next level. their relationship in canon is a very ‘what if’ and as a result, i often see people who don’t like the ship claim that they wouldn’t work because aeris wouldn’t be able to ‘deal’ with cloud and would’ve left. to be blunt, this a bad take considering supporting one another is prevalent throughout their relationship: 

aeris: i learned a lot. the elders taught me many things. about the cetra... and the promised land... i'm...... alone... i'm all alone now... cloud: but i'm...... we're here for you, right? aeris: i know. i know, but... i am the only...... cetra. cloud: does that mean we can't help?

cloud: ...i gave the black materia to sephiroth...? wha... what did I do... tell me, aeris. aeris: cloud... be strong, ok? He writhes and clutches his head. cloud urrrrrrgh... what have I done!? aeris: cloud... you haven't done anything. it's not your fault.

cloud: yeah, I hear you. sorry for what happened. aeris: don't worry about it. cloud: ...i can't help it... aeris: oh... then, why don't you REALLY worry about it? and let me handle sephiroth. and cloud, you take care of yourself. so you don't have a breakdown, okay?

    the remake only reinforces everything i like about their relationship: their banter is great, aeris gently takes his hand during one of his ‘moments’ and supports him, she confides in him about talking to her flowers, and he never treats her differently ( which is a big deal when just two nights before, he told someone to ‘get help’ when they claimed they could hear the planet lol ). they have so much in common as well: they both have struggled with loneliness, being an outcast, and not having a lot of friends. i’ll always find it incredibly interesting how cloud is repeatedly not invited to be apart of group functions in the remake ( he wasn’t allowed to celebrate with avalanche and had to sit outside jessie’s house as the others ate pizza ) until he met aeris and she invited him to have dinner with her and her mom. despite the ‘bodyguard’ dynamic to their relationship, they always feel like equals to me.

aeris: today’s special!!! cloud: why? aeris: because i met you, you dumb binch!!!

aeris:��*says cryptic stuff and tells him that they can’t fall in love* ( i’m saying they because apparently in japanese / other languages she says ‘we can’t fall in love’, not just ‘you can’t fall in love with me’. ) cloud: uh....how about i do anyway??? also i’m saving you so...see you tomorrow at 11. bye.

me: their relationship never gets to a serious level because the opportunity was taken away from them de to unfortunate circumstances. 

also me: they’re just just...dumb and in love!!!! i’m sorry, that’s just the way it is!!!! she literally tells him that meeting him again was special to her and the silly boi doesn’t get it!!!! one of the composers of the game even said a tracks that plays with them is meant to have a romantic vibe!! when she pulls away from him, he reaches out for her because he doesn’t want her to let go!! the lyrics of hollow is literally ‘this time i’ll never LET YOU GO’ AAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!

    anyway, i’ve also noticed this weird trend in the fandom where it feels like cloud is never allowed to just has his own dedicated feelings about aeris - and i’m not even talking about romantic feelings. i feel like whenever there is talk about cloud’s relationship with za.ck or ti.fa, no one inserts aeris into it. they’re allowed to have their individual relationships with him yet with aeris it feels like you cannot talk about how much she meant to him and vice versa without other characters being thrown in. i don’t know if it’s because of shipping and people don’t want to acknowledge that like...characters can have feelings for multiple people or what but the reality is that cloud did feel something for her. she did mean a lot to him; so much so that he slept in her church two years after she was dead and went to her burial place alone. he missed her.  maybe it was just as a friend, maybe it was because of something more but i really dislike how their relationship and importance to each other, regardless of whether it’s platonic or romantic, is constantly invalidated.

aeris & gene.

     when kas / @castershot first created channels for gene and aeris in our rp server last year, i honestly did not think these two would have a serious relationship at all. i figured maybe they would have a fling or something at best / aeris would be the equivalent of a filler character in a few episodes of the show and then they would go their separate ways. ...that didn’t happen but i’m glad it didn’t! i didn’t know a gosh diddly darn thing about outlaw star but i’m very good at researching and aggressively reading wikis so i was able to whip up a verse ( and someone who watched the show thought i had actually watched it after reading my verse so i guess i did a darn good job! ). anyway, i feel like when writing aeris it’s very easy to...hmm...fall into very certain dynamics and considering gene’s line of work ( doing odd jobs, being a bodyguard for hire, a general jack of all trades ), i didn’t want it to be the ‘he’s a bodyguard, she gets protected, blah blah blah’ dynamic but in space. so their relationship ( at least in my head - there’s a lot going on in there tbh!!! ) basically became somewhat of a deconstruction of cl.erith + ( bad ) stereotypes about aeris in general:

      what if the helpless flower girl that needs saving from the big bad corporation is actually a liar who works for said corporation and was sent by them to retrieve something important(tm) and eliminate anyone that gets in her way? what if aeris, a secret member of the turks, has become so desensitized when interacting with other people since she is constantly wearing a mask and she can’t tell if she’s genuinely falling for someone or if her acting is just so good that even she can’t tell what’s real or fake anymore? what if i took all those bad takes about aeris knowing she would die, flip it, and actually make it so that she does know and still goes alone anyway because she wants to save lives for once instead of being the person who takes them away!!

me: imagine the drama!!! the angst!!! kas, casually: [redacted name b/c of spoilers] would just bring her back to life. me: WHAT?! >:(

apparently one character in the show is casually just GOD and can revive people so they can come back like:

    my bubble was BURST. dreams DASHED. plans CRUSHED. dramatics aside, i still kept the idea of her dying because i do like the take of a more secretly jaded / not as ‘pure’ aeris that works for shinra and has to basically relearn how to trust / care about others again + i live to attack kas and all of her muses. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.  anyway, the point is that i love them and they’re a dynamic i’m very invested in the more times passes. they’re both so stupid and passionate and loud ( the first in character thing i wrote when i remade this blog was them screaming at each other in an argument ) but they’re also sensitive, don’t open up to others easily, and have trauma!! oof x 100.

me: this ship won’t be serious lol the ship, months later: may or may not have a thread with them going on a date. may or may not have gone to ti.fa and cloud’s wedding together ( where kissafist’s tif.a may or may not threaten to smash his balls in if he doesn’t treat aeris right. *smash em, rip em plays in the distance as aeris aggressively laughs nervously* ), they may or may not get married and have twins that may or may not be named ren and rose. me: clown putting on make up.png

so yea, they’ve come a long way(tm).

the end.

[panharmonium]

just some thinky thoughts about fandom platforms and community that i didn’t know what to do with, so i wrote them down.

[tl;dr - tumblr is weird, pan misses (certain aspects of) Ye Olde Days]

tumblr is such a weird platform.

like.  i love my blog as a personal repository of stuff i enjoy, and i’m definitely thrilled to have met the people i’ve met on here - some of them have even become my friends outside the internet, and that’s been absolutely lovely.  but in terms of actual functionality when it comes to trying to engage in a fandom...it’s still weird.

i know people will probably get tired of all the “BACK IN MY DAY” fandom analysis posts that float around on this website, but even having been here for years now, it is still really hard for me to adjust to a place that makes it so impossible to find any kind of actual fandom community spaces.

for me, i didn’t even start using tumblr until i was in my mid-twenties, and that was only because tumblr was where most people from LJ had migrated.  i’d been Doing Fandom for over a decade prior to that, on other platforms (fandom specific sites/archives and then LJ), so i ended up here kind of out of necessity - the great fandom migration was already mostly complete, by the time i moved.  

so i got here, and i got settled, but fandom on tumblr has been so different from fandom as i experienced it anywhere else, and that’s not the fault of any of its users; it’s just an inevitable function of the way this site is structured.

it is SO HARD for us to connect with people on here!

just, as an example from my own more recent life - i’ve been doing a lot of merlin stuff lately, right?  that’s where my head is at and that’s what i’m having the most fun with and i would love to be more interactive with people about it, like - to have folks to geek out with about it, you know, to do the things that fandom is for - and if i were on, say, livejournal, back in the day, i would know where to go to do those things.  there would be specific spaces built for just that purpose.  LJ comms were places where everybody who was interested in a particular thing could go for the express purpose of posting and discussing and interacting about that thing!  people still maintained their own personal blogs, but they also belonged to whichever LJ communities reflected their interests.  LJ comms and fandom-specific sites were fandom hubs - it was so easy to find what you were looking for.

this functionality doesn’t exist in any meaningful way on tumblr.  big, moderated groups/communities aren’t a thing tumblr truly supports.  there’s no way for me to go join the “merlin” comm and just be in community with a large group of people who just wanna talk about merlin.  the limited “group blog” functionality on tumblr is so non-conducive to actual usage that community spaces like those just don’t really exist, not like Back In The Day.

fandom on tumblr is so very decentralized.  the way things are set up here forces all of us to just make posts on our individual blogs, which then might get picked up and put on other people’s individual blogs, maybe.  you can’t like...make something (X) Fandom related and drop it in the (X) Fandom LJ Comm like “hey look, something fun to talk about!”  you could put it in “The Tag,” but anyone who’s been here for any length of time knows how useful doing that actually is.  and you could post it on your individual blog, but it won’t necessarily reach anybody who might want to geek out with you, not if you’re not already followed by someone in that fandom.  

and the only other option is to invite yourself onto someone else’s individual blog, which is a) inefficient, when you’re looking for wider community, and b) not something a Painfully Reserved Person is wont to do.

the analogy that works best for me is this: pre-tumblr, fandom hangouts were community spaces.  they were cafés with a sign hanging out front saying “star wars here!” or “kanan/hera here!” or “X here!”  if you wanted to geek out about a particular thing, you would go to the café and meet a bunch of other people there.

nowadays, if you want to geek out about a particular thing, you have to barge into a stranger’s house.  and not everyone is comfortable with that.

.

the lack of real, threaded comments is also just...i don’t know how to express how detrimental this is to communication and community.  i mean, i understand that tumblr’s entire “reblog” system doesn’t really allow it to be a thing, but tumblr’s entire mechanic as a fandom platform has to be questioned, in that case.

how impossible is it to have a conversation on here, the way tumblr is set up right now?  i mean - let’s say you make a post, right?  one person reblogs it and adds their own text to it; another person reblogs the original version, but says something different in the tags.  a third person doesn’t reblog it at all, but hits “reply” on your original post.  a fourth person “replies” also, but to the second person’s reblog, in response to the additional content.  

NONE OF YOU ARE HAVING THE SAME CONVERSATION.  none of you are even aware that the other conversations are happening.  the idea of trying to build an actual cohesive fandom community like that is just...impossible.  it can’t happen.

when i reblog posts on tumblr, i feel like i’m a dragon collecting a little hoard of shiny things she likes, only i never actually see another person, because i live in a cave.

everybody here lives in a cave.

.

and like...this is just philosophical, i guess, but.  tumblr’s focus on “follower count” and notes is also a thing i don’t really know how to handle.  

having people “follow” me makes me feel weird. seeing that people are “following” this blog exerts a bizarre external pressure, as if my little house here could ever be for anybody who isn’t me.  it prompts a tiny 'but should you?’ in the back of my head when i post about something that isn’t what all those people came here for, which is ridiculous, because this was never supposed to be a blog for any fandom in particular; it was just a blog for me.  i was the only one here when i started, and i literally never did anything to try and get people to come here and join me.  it happened accidentally, because bigger blogs than me picked up some star wars stuff i made and passed it around.

but of course, on tumblr, making connections gets conflated with follower/note count, and understandably so, because besides having a higher follower count (aka wider distribution), how are people ever going to reach the other people who are into the same thing they are?  

.

for instance.  let’s say you’re brand new to tumblr.  you want to get involved in X fandom.  there’s no community space here where a new blog with no followers can go and share their stuff with the right audience and meet all the other people who are also sharing their own work.  unless you start messaging strangers, your tumblr time is pretty isolated.

whereas - i remember on lj comms, back when people would post as a newcomer, it would be like, ‘hey i’m so-and-so and i love xyz and here’s a picture i drew of x character!!!!’ - and people would actually respond to that.  people responded to everything!  like.  tiny 400 word fics would have 30 comments, and all those people were talking with each other, not past each other, on the same page. 

.

just for fun, while i was typing this up, i went through a month’s worth of posts on an old lj comm i used to frequent.  not a single one of those posts was comment-less.  every single post, even the tiniest, most insignificant one-line musing, had some amount of discussion attached to it.  

whereas now - i don’t know if this is just confined to tumblr, or if it’s a general cultural shift, because even on AO3, i sometimes see people who have written massive sprawling epics and the comment field is just a desert.  i once saw the exact same fic posted on ff.net, where it had 20 comments - and then on AO3, where it had zero. 

and like, say what you will about ff.net (there’s...plenty to be said, certainly XD ) but commenting patterns were observably different there.  and that’s all part and parcel of a bigger discussion, which isn’t really within the scope of these notes, except to say that it’s probably the source of my forever grudge match with AO3′s kudos button, which i realize is an absurdly silly thing to say and i’m smiling at myself even as i type this, but - i gotta be honest - i hate that thing!  i can’t stand it!  XD  

i say that in the most good-natured way possible, obviously; this is fandom, after all, and it’s all for fun, and i love AO3 in every other way, so this is more a minor annoyance which makes me laugh at myself than anything else - but i say again - in the most fun-loving, self-deprecating way possible - that little button is my archnemesis.  XD  

i totally get why other people love it!  it’s a completely reasonable way to feel!  but for me, personally, coming out of an environment where the reward at the end of making something was getting to gush with somebody else, make a connection, talk about the thing that gave us So Many FEELS - the kudos button is so.  sterile.  and.  empty.  it doesn’t fulfill my urge to connect with people or share fannish enthusiasm in any way.  i’d almost rather not even see kudos on my account, honestly, because it makes me feel more disappointed than anything else - like, “oh, man.  look at all these missed fandom conversations we could have had.”

and obviously, this is in no way meant as disparaging to people who use the kudos button liberally.  it is ALWAYS lovely to show appreciation for someone who wrote something you liked, however which way you are able, if and only if you are so inclined.  nobody is obligated to leave feedback - lurkers are a perfectly accepted and long-celebrated fandom tradition; i belonged to that tradition myself, for most of my fandom life - so showing appreciation in any form is already going above and beyond.  nobody needs to be harangued with “YOU SHOULD’VE COMMENTED” or “YOU SHOULD’VE REBLOGGED” - none of that stuff is required to participate in fandom; nobody owes comments or reblogs, and creators have to be okay with that.  we can discuss and/or lament the structural factors that encourage or discourage participation, by all means, but ultimately we have to recognize that nobody is actually required to respond to things we make.  it’s fandom.  we’re all here by choice, and people’s participation levels are their own business. 

and anyway, i know that lots of authors actually love getting kudos on their work, so my experience isn’t universal, by any means.  it’s just a function of my own personal background, and the communities i used to run in - i speak for no one but myself and my own fannish life.

.

and besides, the entire debate about kudos/comments and like/reblog disparities doesn’t come anywhere near the underlying issues.  it’s sometimes framed as ��people not participating in fandom appropriately” (and that’s completely unfair; there’s no wrong way to do fandom when you’re not hurting anybody) as opposed to “what is it about our platforms that encourages or discourages participatory fan culture.”  like - the only reason we even need to talk about the importance of reblogs vs. likes is because tumblr makes it so darn hard for a person’s stuff to be seen by the “right” people!  reblogs are the only way for someone’s work to spread, and even then it’s kind of like throwing a handful of darts at a board and praying one of them will land in a well-connected spot.  if a platform like tumblr were set up differently, we wouldn’t even need to have this conversation - there would be places to post your work where people would be specifically looking for content like what you were making.  you could make those fannish connections more easily.

*** important to note, too - it’s always worthwhile to remember when reading these “back in the old days” nostalgia posts that pre-tumblr spaces had drawbacks of their own.  livejournal was not some fannish utopia, by any means.  there were, however, a few structural things from that era that i think were helpful influences on fan culture, and their absence here makes me miss them.

but anyways.  those are just some thoughts.  and now i’m going back to my regularly scheduled posting, because i DO enjoy this place, even if the platform can be somewhat lacking sometimes - we still have to find a way to have fun, right?  that’s the entire point of being in fandom in the first place.

[theirprofoundbond]

Fandom and FOMO

I haven't participated in fandom for a few months now, and I've been feeling a few different ways about it. This is the first afternoon I've had off in a very long time, so this personal post is my attempt to sort out everything that's in my head, and maybe connect with anyone who can relate.

First of all, I miss being here. I miss having the time to be here.

I'm in my second year of university--just over the halfway point, now, with my undergraduate degree. I knew it was going to be challenging--that's the point, and it's what I signed up for. But second year is kind of kicking my ass, and it doesn't feel very good!

On top of being in school full-time, I've got an internship this year, I'm moderating an in-person writing group I set up on campus, and in December my boyfriend and I purchased a small e-commerce business so now I also have a part-time job. There's... a lot going on.

And I can say honestly that all of it is going well! Which is great. Except I'm in the position where all of the above is a delicate balancing act that does not allow room for anything else, really. Which is not great. It feels like my life doesn't even belong to me right now. And as a Super Mega Introvert, it is not an exaggeration to say that I'm suffering.

I've been able to keep up with the episodes, but that's all. I think, actually, that watching the show is the only thing I've truly been able to do just for myself, for months. I can't justify logging on to Tumblr, even to peek at my dashboard or shoot someone a quick message because I just have no time.

It feels terrible. I miss talking to people. I miss everyone's great content--the latest commentary and meta, the fic, the artwork, the gifs. I miss participating, even in the smallest ways like discussion and reblogs.

Normally, I resist FOMO with all my might. I try to keep these things in mind: We only get one life and all we have is limited time. You can't do everything. Be content with what time you do have and what you choose to do with it.

HOWEVER. It's the final season of Supernatural! This is it!! So my FOMO levels are, understandably, pretty high.

I think feelings within fandom are running high in general. I've heard about how fractured fandom has become. I think people are afraid of what the end will and will not give us. I think we're afraid for the people (characters) we love. I think we're afraid to say goodbye. These things are also understandable. In the face of this, though, a part of me just wants to curl up inside myself and enjoy the ride on my own, in an independent, no-discord-to-worry-about-here kind of way.

I feel pulled in both directions. And I feel like I'm in an especially difficult position, because I ship Dean and Cas with all my heart... but I don't think it's canon now and I don't for a second believe it will become canon. And I can be okay with that, but I know a lot of other people can't and won't be, and I'm just... not looking forward to the fallout.

More than anything else, though, I think the thing I'm afraid of is this: being left behind.

I haven't been here for very long. I arrived in the fandom at the start of season 12, I found out about and fell in love with Destiel shortly thereafter, and like... that's it for me, folks. When I say Dean and Cas are my OTP, they are my OTP.

I know that Supernatural as a fandom is singular. It is deeply and incredibly unique and special. I know that many of us are going to be here ages after the credits have finished rolling on the finale. But inevitably, there will be a decline.

I'm not ready for it! I just got here! You had better believe that I'm going to be digging through Tumblr and AO3 for years, checking out all the stuff I missed from back in the day, and revisiting all the things I love. So I'm scared about people moving on, about people deleting their blogs or their art or their fic. I'm scared about pieces of fandom disappearing.

And then there are these two fics that I desperately want to write.

Hopefully there will be more after that, but these two are currently taking up so much real estate in my heart and my head that not a day goes by where I don't think about them. These stories are the last thing I think about before I fall asleep at night. Nothing will stop me from writing them, because I need to write them. Even if it's only for myself, I want them to exist somewhere outside of my own heart and head. But, you know--of course I hope there will still be other people around wanting to read them, by the time they make it into the world.

So... this is what's been swirling around in my head, for months now. I don't how to wrap this up, other than to say it felt good to write this, at least. And I hope you're all well, and I hope I can hang around more often, really soon.

Enjoy yourselves, and be good to each other ❤️️

[promisedyouforever]

A Reader’s Plea

*disclaimer: This is @promisedyouforever, and I’m speaking only for myself here, not @chiaroscuroverse or @skyler10fic.  I’ll be reblogging this to @doctorroseficreclists.  :)

Most of us have probably already read a “PLEEZ DON’T DELETE UR STUFFS” post before, but I would like to put this out on the interwebs from the point of view of not only a reader, but an archiver.

Since I do all the CodeMonkeyThings™ for us at @doctorroseficreclists, and I really want everything to run smoothly for both you and us, I complied and do frequent maintenance on a database we use of Every. Single. Fic. we’ve recommended… title, author, links, which of our lists it’s on, and so on.  And I don’t want our lists to contain broken links.

So, every few months (if not more often) I run this database through an external link checker. And every time, my heart cracks just a little as I have to go back to our lists and delete recommendations for a fic an author has taken down.

Here it is, then, ‘cause you knew it was coming: PLEEZ, PLEEZ, PLEEZ!!  If you are an author and, for whatever reason, you’re thinking about deleting your fic… please don’t.  Please leave it behind for others to enjoy.

Please don’t make us do the ugly-crying!

    Don’t misunderstand me: this is a plea, not a demand.  Readers have no entitlement to keep reading your fic. Of course it is your work, and of course it belongs to you, and of course you have the sole right to determine what happens to it for whatever your reasons are.  (And for the record, this doesn’t include fic taken down to be rewritten and reposted.  That’s entirely different!)

And yes, sometimes an author may need to delete their works.  If the author is a professional or has become professional, they may need to remove their fanfic from public view before signing a publishing contract.  (Self-publishing is becoming more common, however, and that usually does not entail this need.)  Some other pressing personal or professional problem might arise.  But a good percentage of the time, I don’t think these are the reasons fic gets deleted.

Often, fic gets deleted because some cruel, asshat troll made a rude remark about it.  (That can really be hurtful!)  Or an author gets fed up with fandom entirely and decides to leave.  Or an author re-reads a fic they wrote five years ago and decides it isn’t very good or they just don’t like it anymore.  Or an author finds themselves moving away from one fandom into another area and wants to stay current. Or… well, there are probably as many reasons as there are authors!

And I understand all of them.  I really do, and I would never presume to judge anyone who’s taken down their work.

Alternatives!!!!!!!

But there are alternatives!  Archive of Our Own allows authors who are having troll problems to screen comments. They also allow users to orphan works. (This and the “kudos” button are some of the best things Ao3 has ever done, IMHO!)  The link to the fic stays the same, but instead of saying “by FantasticAuthor”, it says “by orphan account,” and any link between the author and the fic is severed.  This lets writers distance themselves from work they may no longer want to claim, while still allowing the rest of fandom to enjoy it.

And that’s the thing – we do enjoy it!!  No matter how old it is, no matter what other jerks may have said, even no matter what the author themselves might think – someone loves it!!  And if it’s on one or more of our lists, that’s just a guarantee: at least one of us read it and loved it so much they took the time and trouble to add it to our rec blog.

Even if it’s not yet on our blog, we may just not have read it yet.  There is so much good fic out there I’ve been able to go four years in this fandom and I’m still not at a loss for new reading!

As for tumblr, leaving can be as easy as no longer posting anything.  Blogs don’t have to be deleted in their entirety.  This goes for most blogs, as a matter of fact – I can’t tell you how much fic I’ve read that’s only found on LiveJournal, and fandom left it years ago!

Even changing your tumblr name doesn’t have to break links or entail that the old account be deleted. I changed my name once, several years ago, and I just left my old blog where it is and used a small redirect script. No broken links!

So, in summary: please, find it in your heart to leave your fanfic with us unless you truly must delete it.

TL;DR: Please don’t delete your fanfic!  There are Other Ways!  We love all the stuff, and we love you!!

[irenesfemme-blog]

Hey everyone,

I joined a server centered around the Star Wars franchise in late 2018, and I was a moderator there for a significant amount of time. Tonight I left it. And I’d like to explain why, and where that leaves this blog, going forward.

First of all, I must ask that you do not reblog this post, and I’m really going to ask that you refrain from commenting on it as well. Honestly, I need to heal from this experience. It’s been actively harmful for me for weeks because it’s been such an incredibly toxic environment.

I do want to thank the people who reached out to me, however, during all of this. Who expressed that they wish that they had done more for me, stood up, said something. I don’t blame any of you. I completely understand not wanting to make yourself a target. I love you, and I wish you nothing but the best.

This blog, as well as REVANSFEMME and BINALAARA, are going on hiatus. I don’t know for how long. I’d like to feel okay enough to come back one day, but that remains to be seen. Until then, I’ll keep on keeping on.

Cheers, -- Irene.

Here’s my letter to the community: 

Hey guys,

The original discussion began when a conversation about biphobia, and transgender woman’s contribution to that conversation, was interrupted and derailed. And honestly, guys? No one involved in that interruption and derailing, when confronted with the fact that it was harmful and hurtful, asked if their fellow community members, and in particular the transgender woman who was interrupted, were okay. No one has expressed any acknowledgement or regret for having been a part of that. It’s been completely ignored in favor of airing other grievances. And that’s not fair in particular to the transgender woman who was interrupted, who brought up with the mods that she had been feeling uncomfortable in this server for a long time, and who helped me identify the rhetoric used as trans-exclusionary radical feminist. And this entire conversation about the things I’ve done has come about right after I took a stand, as a mod and as a friend, to support this transgender woman in our community. That timing has not escaped my notice.

I hear that a lot of you have felt guilty, alienated, or angry by me speaking about my experiences and discomforts as a bisexual woman. I haven't meant to make you feel this way; it hasn't been an agenda of mine. I am sorry for bringing you pain. But I am also hurt in turn because it feels like so many of these accusations are in bad faith at best. To be honest, if I had known that sharing my negative experiences as a bisexual woman would have contributed to the difficult climate of this server, I would have kept them to myself. And that’s what’s getting me here: I shared these because I felt safe with the people in this server. I shared these because I considered so many of you friends. And knowing that being silent would have made me less of a target is really painful.

The idea isn't that "discussing solidarity and struggles as lesbians reminds bisexual women of their struggles and difficulties they themselves face, some of them caused by lesbians and lesbian communities, and therefore these discussions shouldn't be held." It's that these discussions can co-exist. You're allowed to express solidarity and support as lesbians. But I'm also allowed to feel hurt and discouraged because so often I and other bi women are excluded from queer spaces in particular, or invalidated as people or as a community, and yes, sometimes this is done by lesbians. The latter conversation isn't a rebuke of the first. It's just a part of the ongoing series of dialogues in the queer community.

What’s particularly difficult about many of the complaints is that they express a standard I cannot meet. I spoke about my discomfort with a conversation in the channel that it was held in, indicating that it’s a good conversation but one that I feel I can’t be a part of because of my personal experience, and that was objected to. I moved to a separate channel to express my sorrow at the biphobia in this server and how it’s made me feel hurt and uncomfortable, with the intent of having a separate space where I could talk without disrupting another conversation, and that was objected to. I silently left a third conversation and brought up my point of view a while later, in a different channel, in a conversation about biphobia, and that’s been objected to. I’ve been told that when and how I’ve been talking about my experiences is a definite part of what’s making people feel guilty and targeted, but in literally every way I’ve tried to talk about biphobia, someone has objected. It’s a losing game: the only winning move is not to play at all.

And these individual experiences – where a bisexual woman’s voiced experiences and feelings are objectionable, derailing, unnecessary – parallel a larger theme in queer communities where bisexual women are told, explicitly and implicitly, that we aren’t welcome. That we take up space intended for the more valid, more queer, members of the community, just by being here, and being hurt, and giving voice to our struggles.

And the concept, reiterated over and over again, that my pain as a bisexual woman was intended to make lesbian women feel guilty feels to me like so, so much more than an assumption of bad faith. It feels like a deliberate act of willful misunderstanding. It feels like silencing through shaming.

And all of this is so much of the reasons why I and so many other bisexual people don’t feel comfortable in queer spaces. Our discussions about our struggles with gay and lesbian members of the queer communities are turned against us as proof that we are dangerous, that we are harmful, that we do not belong. I’ve seen it over and over in IRL spaces. I just didn’t want to see it here. And I really see no way how I could ever talk about my experiences as a bisexual woman in this server again with any degree of safety or assumption of solidarity.

And this isn’t even getting into the long, chastising private message I received from a community member not so long ago about my personal failures. That was … above and beyond.

I had a long conversation with my spouse about these events. He brought up that, paraphrased, “You do realize that these people berating you publicly for miscommunication, when you’ve stated before that you are on multiple spectrums, comes off to me, at least, as ableist?” And I don’t want to realize that. That makes this all feel so much more targeted and horrifying.

As I said at the very beginning of this server, and on my tumblr, and earlier today, I am on both the autistic and the schizophrenic spectrums. I have severe ASD symptoms and Schizotypal Personality Disorder. I have a really hard time reading social cues, situations, and tones, especially over the internet, and that's been a constant struggle in my life. But participating in discussions has always been hard for me, and it's been hard for people who don't know how to deal with my particular neuroatypicality. It’s a wholly foreign concept to me that any of you would have read my expressions of my own struggles and interpreted that as me setting out to make you feel guilty. I just … don’t understand. I never have. It’s why I’ve always asked people to please talk to me at the time of the miscommunication, because it’s almost impossible for me to judge how someone is going to emotionally respond to anything I say.

And that brings me to my last point: I’m leaving. I’m leaving this server, and I’m leaving tumblr, and I’m leaving the Star Wars fandom as a whole, for now at least. Lal’s mother is right when she said, "If you were getting paid for this job I'd tell you to quit and get another job.” This has been an impossible job for a number of reasons, and I’ve stuck around because I loved Lal and Io, and I wanted very much to help them and this community. I’ve been trying to do this work as a mod atop work managing hospice care for my terminally ill mother, the full-time work of running and maintaining a household, and my personal work as a writer. And the longer I spend in this community, the worse I feel. All of this feels … horrifying, in a very visceral and targeted sense.

I am sorry that many of you felt hurt by me. I truly have never meant to cause any of you harm. But that’s accompanied by a very real and very painful sense of being physically ill right now.

I’m going to close the religious server that I moderate. The dungeons & dragons one, and the writing and worldbuilding one, will both remain open, but I’m going to ask that no one bring any of this discussion to those spaces. That’s a boundary that I’m going to have to insist on at this juncture.

I guess I’d like to close by saying that I’m not angry. I’m really not. I just feel really, really sad. I’d like to believe that the timing of this is just unfortunate, that the implications of ableism are an accident, that the pervasive biphobia in this server has been rooted in ignorance and not malice. But after today’s discussion, honestly? I’d always wonder, and I’d never feel good here again.

There’s a line that’s been crossed here into the grounds of active cruelty. Lal’s been hurt, Io’s been hurt, and you guys have just kept going and going and going at these two, who have really tried their all for you. And as I said to Lal and Io earlier, on a personal note, dragging out my admissions of pain and hurt as "receipts" is the point where there's no going back for any relationship.  

And that’s the time to move on.

[aspiedistra]

I Am Autistic

I was intending to message @butterflyinthewell​ about this, after reading their responses to an anti self-dx post, but as it happens, my reaction felt too strong, too personal, and too emotional to put that all on one person. So instead I was going to reblog the post and add this on, but it spilled out of all control, and now what we have is an essay of my experiences, triggered by an anti post and a few throwaway comments that have created this. 

Let’s call it an open letter to anti-self-dxers. 

Upfront, I am saying all of this as a self-diagnosed person, but this is my perspective on this topic. Maybe some of you feel like I don’t have the right to weigh in on this topic, but this is my blog, and these are my feelings regardless. 

I have seen the support from autistic people with pro-dx who have stood up and supported people like me, and I want to thank them for it, I appreciate that deeply, I do. And I understand the weight and meaning that their voices carry, perhaps more than mine. But I also want to make my voice heard. Because I will not allow myself to be silenced on this matter any longer. I have done that for 22 long years, and I’m not doing it for another fucking second. 

I am autistic.

At first I was going to quibble, I was going to question, I was going to ask the permission of those who have a professional diagnosis if they believed I was allowed to say that. But, quite frankly, fuck that.

I will call myself autistic. I will say that I am autistic. I will tag posts upon my blog as ‘actuallyautistic’ because this is who I am.

It took a very long time for me along the path of self diagnosis to have the courage to say those words, even to myself. At first I whispered them in my mind, something that was just for me, that no-one else would ever hear of or know. And I felt guilty. I felt guilty, even after months and months of intense, detailed, continual, literally daily research, and 22 years of experience, I felt guilty even whispering those words to myself.

I do not feel that way any more. I can say those words to myself now and I do not feel guilty. Instead I feel proud. I feel comforted. I feel right. Because I finally understand myself. I finally know who I am, after 22 years of hiding it, of hiding from it. I know who I am. And I am autistic. I finally belong.

I have no words to explain that emotion. I cannot tell you how it felt. It was not a sudden lightbulb moment. Oh, in many ways it was. In many ways, from the moment I heard the word ‘autistic’ something snagged in the back of my mind. Something whispered of familiarity, of a community, of a place where I might be understood, accepted, where I might feel at last like I fit.

But I was denied that lightbulb moment, because of ideas like this. I rejected that community, I rejected that rightness that I felt in my soul because I felt I had to earn this. I had to earn what I am. I had to be sure, I had to be certain, I had to do things properly*.

And I did. I researched. I researched every day. I looked up lists of traits and symptoms. I dug inside my self, more deeply than I had ever done. I began to piece together my fragmented reflection and constructed it around these ideas, these fabulous ideas, these words I now had to explain my experiences.

Social deficits.

Sensory sensitivities.

Meltdowns.

Shutdowns.

Stimming.

Each one felt like a friendly little wave, a gentle pull towards a place that already knew me, even if I did not yet know it. 

I read blog post after blog post by autistic people. I crawled through their tags. I read question after question after question sent to wonderful ask blogs. I listened to those voices, and I heard echoes of them within myself. And for the first time I made sense. The world made sense. My entire life, that had always seemed just slightly wrong made sense. 

Yet still it took time. In my heart, I knew I was autistic. I knew it, but I still couldn’t say it, still couldn’t acknowledge it. It was a secret, now. My secret. A secret I intended to carry with me and never let anyone else see or know. 

But that damages a person. There are countless posts about how being a closeted queer person is damaging to that person, how it is not a positive experience, how it scrapes away at a little more of you each day. And it does, from my perspective on being a closeted queer person, it absolutely does. But so does this. 

I slowly began to make my voice heard. I dared to whisper the words aloud to myself. I dared to allow myself to reblog a few, very general, very subtle posts about autism, the kind that any socially conscious allistic blogger might reblog. I began to say the words a little more firmly to myself, and with each repetition, they felt more right. 

Finally, months after I had reached that internal, unassailable conclusion within my heart that I was autistic, I felt able to say it, to truly say it. I told the people closest to me, and while there have been some negative reactions, some cases I wish I had never entrusted them with this knowledge of me, in the most part, they reacted well, and each time they did I felt like crying with the relief. Each time I felt more free. I felt more like me. And it was wonderful. 

That was my journey to being able to say those three words. ‘I am autistic.’ They are all I have, right now. And they mean the world to me. 

I do not have access to a professional diagnosis at the moment, for many reasons, and may not have access to one in the near future, either. But from my perspective, I AM autistic. My ability to consult a doctor and have this put down on paper right now does not, cannot, fundamentally change who I am.  I was autistic when I was born. I was autistic all those years growing up where I fell through the cracks, where bias and prejudice and ableism meant I was missed. I was autistic all those years bullying and abuse suppressed those traits and forced me to hide who I am, to the point that even I didn’t recognise it. I was autistic all the long months I struggled with myself to find the courage to say those words: I am autistic. 

I am autistic now. I will be autistic tomorrow. I will be autistic every day of my life.

This will not change if I some day manage to see a doctor and have them confirm this to me. I will not suddenly become autistic on that day. The truth of that statement will not suddenly become real only upon that day when a professional nods in agreement with the words that I bring to them, the knowledge I have carried with me all my life: ‘I am autistic.’ 

Maybe I’ll receive hate for making this post. Maybe I’ll even deserve it. But I do not believe that anyone has the right to define my experiences, or to deny me the words and the courage to speak them that were kept from me for too long simply because a professional has given them a formal confirmation of their experiences. 

This is long, and messy, and emotional, but the bottom line is that I don’t think a professional’s opinion defines or creates a fact. I am autistic is a simple statement. It is either true, or it is not. I do think that I should consider myself ‘allistic until proven autistic by a doctor’ because that feels ridiculous to me. That feels like the lie I believed for more than two decades due to internalised abelism and various other insidious factors. So, now you know my feelings on the matter. 

*I don’t think I should have to add this, but just in case: I do not believe in on-the-spot diagnosis, either self or professional. Brains are complex things, and they require a good bit of digging around in to wring the truth from them. Research is absolutely necessary, fuck knows I did a lot of it while working things out. Which I feel like any person who has self diagnosed and says ‘I am autistic’ knows and has done. But I thought I should just put a little footnote in here just in case. 

[sapphicscholar]

Supergirl, the Bechdel Test, and Critiques of Critiques

Because asks–ranging from fans who have been made to feel guilty for not liking the current season of Supergirl, though many are still watching and hoping, to angry anons who cannot believe I would dare criticize any aspect of a show–keep popping up in my inbox, I’m addressing the issue once here and deleting all those asks clogging up my inbox (because dammit I like order, and my inbox no longer has it). So hold on tight (and ignore/don’t read if you don’t care…really fucking simple rule) while we hit a few of the points I see appearing over and over again on my dash and in my inbox.

First of all, regarding the post about the Bechdel Test (that I’m going to assume was written by someone with the best of intentions and has been misappropriated to yell at other fans and tell them they’re wrong–blanket statement, no wiggle room). Yes, the scene did end up passing the Bechdel test, but that original post to which you refer was written and reblogged by most folks before the episode ever aired, making it an accurate enough assessment with the limited knowledge we had. The fact remains that the way the episode/that scene was marketed and promoted did not pass the test, and that says a lot about the kind of audience they’re hoping to attract (if you don’t believe me, feel free to go read the research about marketing). 

Furthermore, please dear god stop talking about how you know the rules better than anyone else because once upon a time your Intro to Women and Gender Studies professor gave them to you or mentioned them in passing. Bechdel herself has written about sometimes wishing she wasn’t associated with that test (not that she often is these days, just her last name…) because it sets such a fucking low bar, gets plucked out of context, and held up as some gold standard for representation without any thought about the woman who created it, the context of its creation, and the motivation behind it. (Also, if you’re not going to read the blog post by Bechdel that I linked to, just know that the test is inspired, in many ways, by Chapter 5 of Virginia Woolf’s A Room of One’s Own on a chapter that talks about the invisibility of lesbian representation, and Woolf’s work as a whole is all about criticizing the “Angel in the House” and men’s writing for reducing women’s lives to their attachments to men, children, and families, which is literally what that scene is Supergirl does.) And I’m so tired of seeing straight feminists reblogging these posts calling LGBTQ fans of the show anti-feminist for daring to complain about it because this test does not belong only to you, and it is the brainchild of an early-twentieth-century bisexual and a group of self-identified “dykes” from the 1970s and 1980s who wanted to talk about why the state of current media (both the novels of Woolf’s time and the movies of Bechdel and co’s time) failed them as women whose concerns weren’t tied to traditional narratives of what a woman’s life looked like (marriage to a man, followed by children). 

The Bechdel test as we know it today comes from a niche comic strip, Dykes to Watch Out For, which documented the lives of queer women (primarily) from the 1980s through the Bush era and the struggles day-to-day life during that time period entailed, and that context gets ignored far more than your precious rules. And yes, the test (though god that word is infuriating because it implies the same sort of inflexibility that is already rampant in fandom and internet culture) is about movies as a whole (so by your own logic, we shouldn’t even go near a TV show with it), but it’s not incorrect to talk about a scene passing or not passing it, nor is it wrong to use the test as a kind of signpost or easily recognizable language with which to discuss the shortcomings of a given scene (if you want to know more, and I mean this quite earnestly, not to be a jackass, go read linguistic, structuralist, and poststructuralist theorists and find out all about signifiers, then come back when you realize that the meaning of words and phrases isn’t confined to the letters on the page, but encompasses all of the cultural signifiers to which they are tied, which is actually what makes so much of communication as we know it possible).

To insist that fans cannot be upset because a scene featured 5 whole women together and that’s “unheard of” in television forces us to settle, forces us to praise a scene that’s setting up the poorly written demise of a couple that many of us showed up for, upped Supergirl’s ratings and viewing numbers for, because we saw a woman whose journey toward self-realization, acceptance, and actualization looked like ours, found in Sanvers a couple whose story wasn’t perfect but felt realistic in a way many same-sex relationships on television still don’t. And yes, I’m calling this breakup poorly written. As I’ve written before, yes, not having the same idea about what your family should look like is a good reason to end a relationship. Not having had that conversation months into a fucking engagement when both participants in the relationship are adults who have been shown learning about how important communication is and recognizing why it’s a bad idea to make assumptions about what partners want and who apparently have incredibly strong opinions on the matter is beyond unrealistic. And for a show to know that they’re going to break up a couple after just a few episodes makes featuring the proposal and demanding praise for “groundbreaking” television irresponsible marketing–it sets fans up to be disappointed and disillusioned. (And now, because they’ve written Maggie’s absence as this kind of a breakup, rather than the myriad other ways they could have done it, if they do want to bring Maggie back, it’ll be far more difficult and will entail a fundamental reevaluation of what either Alex or Maggie wants in life, which we likely wouldn’t get to see depicted at length or in any kind of realistic way.) 

I’ve seen so many posts criticizing those who have critiqued the show and insisting that they clearly haven’t watched the show or that they ignore all the good it has done. Does that kind of post exist? Yeah, of course it does. It’s the Internet/fandom/Tumblr; there’s anything you can think of here. But these posts demanding appreciation for the show reek of the attitude that has, for decades, told LGBTQ people to sit down, shut up, and be grateful for what we’re given. Shows don’t have to listen to our critiques (and I’m not here defending folks who get violent or spout vitriol directly to the actors who cannot control their storylines, though let’s remember those folks exist on both sides of the issue), but to try to tamp down the rights of fans to be upset and express that frustration is, to be quite frank, embarrassing to see in 2017 from self-ordained progressives. 

I’m still here and watching and producing content that I like to think does right by the show Supergirl could have been (and may well become again), to the kind of nuanced, complex characters and storylines the first season and writers like Ali Adler gave us. But don’t tell me I have to like every second of it. Don’t tell me that I’m not allowed to feel misled by a show that created an endgame narrative for a couple only to break them up in such a way that the reconciliation they continue to lure in front of us as a possibility is nearly impossible (or, at the best, decidedly unrealistic). Don’t tell me that I should accept the flirty subtext between Kara and Lena or a one-off hook up between Alex and Sara that will never hold the same potential for representation as a multi-season lesbian relationship as “equal to” or possible of making up for the loss of Sanvers. And most importantly, don’t ever tell me to shut up when your username includes the words “white” and “conservative” because, oh, honey, nothing gets a liberal academic going quite like the possibility of showing you just how little power you truly have.

[apagansjourney]

Welcome to my blog.

Hello! I’m starting anew. I’ve been around tumblr off and on for years now. I just had to delete all my old ones, as none of them were working for various reasons. You may remember me as lilredridingbook, or apagansjourney from a few years back. I decided to keep the name as it’s fitting! I tried this blog under octopodoccultist, but a dear friend told me it sounded too villianous to be taken seriously. I agree. 

So, for those that don’t know me - and a refresher for those who do remember - I’m living in Winnipeg, Manitoba. I used to work at Wal-Mart, but five months ago I graduated to become a Health Care Aide! I’ve been working four months now, and I love it. I work in a long term care facility, and it’s brilliant. I enjoy all my residents, and helping them. I’m very passionate about the elderly. I don’t think they get the recognition they deserve. I adore them, I truly do!

As the blog name suggests, I’m on a journey of the pagan persuasion. I’ve always been pagan, before I knew there were real witches! It started in the 90′s, when the New Age movement hit. I was absorbed with all things crystal, and coveted my amethysts that were always gifted to me by family. (Being a February baby, it’s my birthstone. I’m also a Pisces.) 

I was fifteen or sixteen when I was browsing Chapters, looking in the New Age section, debating on what to buy. I was gobsmacked when I came across the now famous (and controversial) Teen Witch by Silver Ravenclaw. I bought that book so fast, and devoured it over and over again. 

Ahhh, yes. The idiocy of youth, right? I’d stare at the cover for hours, imagining power that I would obtain through the book. The usual crap that teens dredge up after watching The Craft too many times. It took me years to realize Hollywood magic and real magic are two separate entities! After that, I really started to live the pagan lifestyle, not by conscious choice. I wore the ‘witchy’ clothes - long flowing hippie skirts, and peasant tops. I started taking more interest in the environment, speaking up for animal rights, trying to be a better person. I was enamoured with all things occult. I slowly grew out of the New Age phase, and more into Witch Age. If that’s a thing ... 

It wasn’t until my early thirties, where I was able to find a teaching circle, in Calgary, Alberta, where I was able to really delve deep into becoming a pagan. After nearly two years of lessons, lessons that I absolutely loved, lessons where I shared energy, and light and love, lesson that had me leading huge rituals with up to fifty people!!!, I had a huge faith of crisis and withdrew into myself. 

This was five or six years ago. I’m now living with my parents, where I’m really  not allowed to practice, leaving me feeling left in the dark, and abandoned from the connection I had steadily built prior. The last few months, I’ve had this insane pull to start up again. I really miss my community, my connection, my feeling of utter belonging. I’m hoping that by utilizing this blog, I’ll be able to gain some of that back. 

I went to a workshop the other week, lead by someone I really admire who owns a shop. I’m frothing at the mouth for more, but am patient until the next one, and have in the meantime looked up some resources to read to tide me over. 

So, I decided to start a tumblr, yet again!, to chronicle my path and my way. I’ll be posting my own spells, rituals, and findings, along with reblogs. This will be my online grimoire, and book of shadows, so to speak. 

[cartoonbeatleskilledme]

Hello I'm new to this whole lore thing and it looks REALLY confusing, can you give me a summary of what's happened?

aLRIGHT lads strap in cos this is gonna be long as shit. before i get into this i want to give a disclaimer, theres a 100% chance i’m going to miss at least one thing and i can’t give you a definitive timeline, so i encourage other people to reblog this and add anything i’ve forgotten/overlooked. im gonna put this under a read more, cos like i said, this is gonna be long

so the name “beatles cartoon lore” popped up a little bit after everything started - it was either an anon (as i remember getting an anon using the phrase for the first time that i personally saw it) or @icasms​ used it first, as they’ve stated such. either way, the actual storyline starts before that point. I am 99% sure @beebleborps​ is the root cause of all this, and I wasn’t actually there for the very start, but I was there before everything exploded. I’m not sure exactly what happened before I dove headfirst into the void, but I know that the castle from the first episode was already the main scene, and that Beebs had already been dragged into the cartoon beatles’ universe, was forced into occupying dead George’s body and became a vampire during the process. You see, at the end of the very first episode, the Beatles all die, for no reason. So at this point, there were four ghost Beatles, four dead Beatle bodies, and the characters in play at this point were Beebs, @beatles-fan-13​ , and possibly others. I’m not sure, but I know there were far fewer cartoon beatles blogs back then, and most of them weren’t part of this (at the time) little storyline.

still pre-lore, I made my blog and beeble sent me an ask on how i’d died (see my username for reference) and I detailed that I’d been brought to the cartoon beatles universe by force, had witnessed the cartoon beatles’ final form, and that they’d killed me for it by inviting me to a concert, bringing me backstage, and dismembering me using George’s chin like a knife. Since there were mainly the ghost beatles at this point, that brought more attention to a second set of Living Beatles that were in the castle, which were also keeping beatles-fan-13 stuck in the dungeon. So right now, as far as I remember, it was me, them, and Beeble in the storyline, with two sets of Beatles - ghost Beatles and living, second generation Beatles. These aren’t the Eldritch Beatles, but are instead basically the same characters from the cartoon post episode 1, but crueler. A lot of the characterisation and early inspiration comes from @wtfbeatlescartoon​ , who often points out how needlessly cruel a lot of the Beatles are in the episodes. The lore has mostly spun away into its own beast at this point though. 

so pretty soon after I made my blog, like within a few days, other beatles cartoon blogs began popping up to join in on the fun. around this same time, i’m fairly sure @spookycryptidgeorge​ aka Grey began to get in on the story, and that’s when I got the ask/icasms coined the phrase, “beatles cartoon lore”. (In case you are curious, here is the ask, dated July 8th) Now around here I’m likely going to become more of an unreliable narrator, because a lot of things were happening at once. @cursedbeatlescartoon​ and @crypticbeatlescartoon​ came into inception, with the latter joining the madness of the story, and not long after that, @vampiregeorgeharrison​ and @eldritchgeorgeharrison​ appeared and the eldritch beatles became part of the story. It was also around this time that everything started to get more crazy and everyone was becoming a cryptid/inhuman/etc. The main players at this point that were making most of the threads were me, Grey, George, and Beeble, but the others were also contributing, and I might have missed some other story points.

The story so far here was that it started with Beeble (?) when he was transported to the Transylvanian castle in the first episode by the ghost Beatles, also known as the original Beatles. They were trying to recruit him to join the band, and George was trying to teach him the guitar, but Beebs refused cos they were forcing him into it. Eventually, George shoved Beeble’s ghost into his dead body (the other corpses are still in the same place and haven’t decayed at all) which caused him to forcibly possess George’s corpse, which also became vampiric, probably because he was dead for so long. Beatles-fan-13 was brought to the castle somehow and ended up trapped in the dungeon, was subjected to experimentation, and Beebs was trying to get them back when I became part of the story. I was a ghost which, story-wise, had been wandering the castle, but was mostly tethered to the Beatles and couldn’t go far. I met Beeble first, I believe, and relayed my story, as well as the fact that the second generation Beatles had tethered my spirit to them so that I would preform menial tasks for them, and that one of the experimentation processes they had people undergo was cartoonisation, and that they’d done as such to me, which was a process that allowed someone from outside of the cartoon beatles universe to assume a cartoon form in their universe and switch out of it when leaving. (it was later discovered that only I would need to go through this process, since it was not a Roger Rabbit situation and everyone else turned into a cartoon automatically. I was a special case because of what species I am, which was not known at this point and assumed to be human) Most of our time was spent trying to find the dungeons and get beatles-fan-13 out of there, and at some point they’d stolen some of Beeble’s blood and given it to beatles-fan-13? I’m not entirely clear on if that worked, but I know soon after they became a ghost and now reside in Beeble’s tophat.

When Eldritch George appeared, we all learned that there were an even higher class of beatles, and the second generation beatles were more or less pushed to the side story-wise. The most powerful beatles are the True/Eldritch Beatles, but there were only two True Beatles - John and Paul. They had converted Eldritch George and an (unseen) Eldritch Ringo to become like them, but they weren’t truly like them, which was why they were defecting. the True Beatles were waiting for True George and True Ringo, who at this point have not shown up yet. Soon after Eldritch George appeared, @eldritchpaulmccartney​ , the first True Beatle, came into existence and began to pull the strings. Nobody’s sure exactly what their plan is, but Paul (typically referred to as Luap so as not to “summon” him, in a voldemort-esque situation) revealed that most of the people in the story aren’t human. Me, Serena, was never human to begin with and is instead some sort of powerful being called a Star Child, but events I’m not aware of resulted in me losing my memory and assuming that I was a human. I’m not even actually a ghost, but assume the form and abilities of a ghost because I thought I was dead. Grey was human at some point I believe, but they became corrupted by the True Beatles and the Cartoon Beatles Universe itself, which slowly corrupts anyone who doesn’t belong. Grey has mostly unseen powers/abilities, and so far, True Paul has let slip that he and True John need me and Grey for some sort of ultimate plan because of the power output we can give.Vampire George (separate from Beeble, who is also, somewhat confusingly, a vampiric George in appearance) is typically seen doing True Paul’s bidding and trying to find the full extent of Grey’s abilities and keep me/Serena in check.

Other parts of the story that didn’t really fit into that summary are that icasms can be possessed by a John, not sure which, and she stays away from the castle for that exact purpose. There’s some sort of rune on her arm(?) that allows John to possess her more easily, and keeps other ghosts/beings from being able to take her over. Beeble, after a while of keeping in George’s body, became unstable, and Eldritch George “fixed” this by merging Beeble with George’s ghost, so now only three ghost Beatles roam the castle. Ghost Paul typically hangs around Beeble and will sometimes possess him in order to get attention, though i’m not sure if there are any other reasons for this. More recently, @elemental-icee-cattt​ , some sort of doctor who may or may not be from the cartoon beatles’ universe itself showed up and has been helping keep Grey and me from basically dying, since certain events (like Grey somehow becoming irradiated after being possessed by Vampire George and Eldritch George letting me/Serena read from the book on Star Children in the Eldritch Library) almost led to our deaths and, due to our abilities, possibly the destruction of the castle and/or universe. 

NOW, that’s the story part of the Lore. The other half of the Lore has to do with the Cryptids, which are born from finding screenshots where the animators fucked up and everyone spins a story from it. I already made a post on the origin of the First Cryptid, Glitch John, and there’s a whole blog dedicated to the cryptids that’ll tell you their history, @glitch-john-and-friemds​ . At the mo, there’s Glitch John, Glitch Paul, Glow George, Octoringo, Eyeless John, Supereye John, and I’m sure there are others I’m missing. People who contribute to this part of the lore include @abandonedstage , @404bot , @lenshitposting , @beatles-cartoon-analysis , @constantcascades , @ringodidnothingwrongo , @foolishgrippy , @agesnotyetwritten and anyone else who produces art and fics for it, as I’m sure I’m missing people and I’m sorry if I missed you!!! If you’re curious, yes, the cryptids ARE technically part of the lore story, but none of them have really appeared (aside from a few asks from Glow George) so they don’t play much of a main part.

SO that is a Quick and Probably Incomplete summary of The Lore, and it’s really long but here it is and I hope you can understand it! if i’ve missed anything, again, feel free to reblog this post and add things, and if you have any further questions, just ask beeble or anyone else you see contributing a lot!!! :::)

[mamaredd123]

Welcome to Mama’s 100 Quotes of Supernatural Challenge!!!

Wow! I am truly amazed at all of you wonderful people in Tumblr land. After 1 year on here I have 2000 followers!!!! (OK, so I know my blog is not a big ole bomb of excitement the majority of time but I am still tickled pink!)

So to celebrate my 1 year blog anniversary, I am going to do a 2-part thing. I put a poll out a few weeks ago to see what all of you would like and the 2 popular responses were a challenge and for me to do some more blog promo’s. You asked so shall you receive!!

I have searched and searched for some of the most memorable, funniest, best quotes from our beloved characters of Supernatural. Below the cut you will find the list. I have tried to include at least 1 quote from just about everyone (well, from a whole bunch of them anyways) but the majority of the quotes do belong to our sexy Dean, Sam, and Castiel! So keep on reading to see the list and the rules for this challenge!!

(And feel free to hop on over to my other part of this challenge, Mama’s “Spread The Love” Blog Promo’s and shoot me some suggestions!)

I have to give a HHUUUGGGEEEEE shout out to @atc74 for her help with my challenge image and for her assistance with some of these quotes!!!! Couldn’t have done this without you!

The rules are about as basic and easy as I can make them:

*This is a follower celebration so obviously, I would need you to be following me. However, if you have stumbled upon this challenge and would like to join, it is so super easy…. Just go click that follow button up there on the right!

*I need you to send me an Ask with your 1st and 2nd choice of quotes. It will be first come, first serve. BUT if by some holy miracle all 100 get taken, I am sure I can come up with some more to add to this list. AND you can chose up to 3 quotes if you would like to work ALL THREE into one story. (As a side note, if after a week I still have a ton of quotes not chosen, I will modify the challenge a little and allow you to send in your choice of quote/character)

*As for you fic, just keep it in the SPN fandom and make sure to highlight your quote(s) wherever you place it in the story. Just in case there is any confusion, the person you chose a quote from does NOT have to be the main character in your fic. For example, you may just really like a particular quote listed here from, say Balthazar, but you have a Dean x Reader fic in mind. That’s perfectly fine. Just make sure to have Balthazar in your story (with the quote) somewhere.

*This challenge is open to any and all ships and genres. I want y’all to write whatever inspires you when you see the quote of your choice.

*As usual, drabbles all the way to series are welcome. Just remember, anything over 500 words, add the KEEP READING line or, and I’m sorry, but I won’t reblog it. We all need to do our part not to overcrowd everyone’s dashboards.

*Deadline will be September 30th. I am giving everyone 2 months to do this. Beginning in Sept, I will occasionally start posting reminder posts to try to help everyone remember about their challenge deadline. I am well aware how we all take on a little too much sometimes and things get lost in the shuffle.

*When you get ready to post, make sure to tag me in your A/N and use the #mama’s100quoteschallenge in your tags. As usual, if I haven’t liked/reblogged within a day or two, please feel free to shoot me a message and let me know you posted it. I truly do try to go through all my notification everyday, but, well, you know, life gets in the way of all the fun things sometimes.

Ok, that’s it. Easy peasy, right? Well you made it this far with me so come a little further and read the quotes, pick your favorite, and send me your Ask! Most importantly, enjoy yourself and have fun writing your next masterpiece!!

1. I wanna punch something in the face. (Sam)   @destiel-addict-forever 2. Straight “Shawshank” this bitch!  (Dean)    @myloveforyouxx 3. I may be many things, but I’m not stupid. (Mr. Ketch)   @capsheadquaters 4. I gave everything for you! And this is what you give me?! (Cas) 5. I kinda always wanted to punch the devil in the face. (Mary)   @justanotherdeangirl 6. This is what you do when I'm not here. Type? (Crowley)  @percussiongirl2017 7. And after awhile... that starts to weigh on you. (Benny) 8. I am not someone that you should put your faith in. (Castiel) 9. I believe you're drawn to danger. (Mr. Ketch)    @uniquewerewolfsuit 10. Dude, don't compliment the bad guys. (Dean)   @docharleythegeekqueen 11. Things are not just black and white out here. (Dean) 12. I’m still gonna peel off your skin and eat your soul. (Lucifer) 13. It's your professionalism that I respect.  (Alastair) 14. We'll just tie up the bonny lad. Could be fun. (Rowena) 15. You idiots. You’re all going to die. (Crowley) 16. Things like “cosmic consequences” have a habit of biting us in the ass. (Dean)     @maximumkillshot 17. If I plan to do anything else stupid, I’ll let you know. (Castiel)   @skyedoes-things 18. I am doing all I can, to slightly lessen the spread of... of genital herpes. (Sam)   @samwinjarpad 19. Okay if you don't like, uh, reckless I could use insouciant maybe? (Cas)   @beccafgs 20. You've just been Garth-ed. (Garth)    @wayward-mirage 21. Weird, creepy, off-the-grid "Children of the Corn" people? Yeah, I’m in. (Dean)    @deanandsamsbitch 22. For me, having you here, it fills in the biggest blank. (Sam) @sea040561 23. I want to stop losing people we love (John) 24. Damn right, REO. Kevin Cronin sings from the heart! (Jo) 25. Yeah, and Hannibal Lecter's a good psychiatrist. (Ellen)     @maximumkillshot 26. Don’t make things needlessly complicated as you humans tend to do. (Castiel)    @sea040561 27. I’ve been tortured by the devil himself so you, you’re just an accent in a pantsuit. What can you do to me? (Sam) 28. I don't think you can handle my rod. (Crowley)   @roxy-davenport 29. You two have the most unhealthy, tangled-up, crazy thing I’ve ever seen. (Lisa) 30. Your unclean… in the biblical sense. (Billie) 31. I'm tired Sam. I'm tired of this job...this life. This weight on my shoulders. Man I'm tired of it. (Dean)     @deanandsamsbitch 32. I told you that roadhouse chili was a bad idea. (Sam) 33. You can't save everyone. (Rufus) 34. You're like a walking encyclopedia of weirdness. (Dean)    @skyedoes-things 35. I'm worried about my boys. (Bobby) 36. As long as everyone wears a condom we'll be fine. (Jody)     @queencflair 37. I don’t sweat under any circumstances. (Castiel)    @beccafgs 38. I suggest we imbibe copious quantities of alcohol... just wait for the inevitable blast wave. (Cas) 39. Get the hell out of hell. (Crowley) 40. I mean, clearly, I have a type, but no, thank you, ma'am. Won't be once bitten, twice Doug'd. (Donna)

41. We talking misdemeanor kind of trouble? Or, uh…’squeal like a pig’s kind of trouble? (Dean)   @maximumkillshot 42. Do you have any idea how much stuff I had to steal, then pawn, to pay for that? (Metatron) 43. Fatherhood changes a man. (Crowley)    @roxy-davenport 44. I lie. I don't get lied to. (Benny)    @docharleythegeekqueen 45. We’re far from perfect. But we are good. (Sam)   @impalaimagining 46. I'm not a witch. I'm a nerd. (Charlie)   @wi-deangirl77 47. Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in. (Bobby) 48. Kick it in the ass. (Bobby) 49. Wanna try that again like you mean it? (Sam)    @atc74 50. Maybe one day. But today you're my little bitch. (Cas) 51. You got me here now.  (Benny) 52. You Winchester boys and your talk. Blah blah blah repressed feelings. Blah blah blah passive aggression. (Charlie) 53. Come on in darling, the water's warm. (Sam)   @impalaimagining 54. I’ll give you a pass on account of the whole ‘raised by monsters’ thing. (Jody) 55. Why not go get washed up for the orgy?... All is so beautiful. (Cas) 56. You mean 'protection against a demon' salt or 'oops I split the popcorn' salt? (Dean) 57. But for your own good I strongly suggest you get a life. (Chuck) 58. You can't take the trick out of the trickster. (Gabriel)   @wideawakeandwriting 59. Is there such thing as a monster magnet? (Charlie) 60. I lied. I do that. (Crowley)    @winsister91 61. Please, accept this sandwich as a gesture of solidarity. (Cas) 62. You realize I'm not asking. (Benny) 63. Your password is "winning" with two "1's"? Fail. (Charlie) 64. Everything is supposed to end. (Dean)   @captainemwinchester 65. I will not apologize for being a career woman. (Rowena) 66. So which one are you? Grumpy, Sleepy, or Douchy? (Sam) 67. It's just.. I just want this over. (John) 68. You look like you got attacked by some PCP crazed strippers. (Dean) 69. You know, you pitched this whole dewy-eyed bromance thing, but the truth is, I'm on lockdown, aren't I? (Adam) 70. You boys have serious abandonment issues, don't you? (Meg) 71. Where'd you get the holy oil? (Gabriel) 72. Yeah well, there's one thing you have that he didn't. You're a Winchester. I forgive you Dean. (Charlie) 73. You fudging touch me again, I'll fudging kill you! (Dean)  @captainemwinchester 74. I got your message. It was long your message. I find the sound of your voice grating. (Cas) 75. I should be asking you the same thing. (Ruby) 76. You don't know me. You never did, and you never will. (Sam) 77. Did someone slip a mickey in your power shake? (Gabriel) 78. No doubt - endings are hard. But then again... nothing ever really ends, does it? (Chuck)     @hannahindie 79. Sorry you have me confused with that other angel. You know the one in the dirty trench coat who is in love with you. (Balthazar)     @skyedoes-things 80. Shouldn't trust run both ways? (Castiel) 81. Unleash the Kraken. See you tomorrow morning. (Sam)   @4401lnc 82. I don't usually drink beer. It messes with my depth perception especially when I'm skinny dipping. (Garth) 83. No. Sweetheart, if this is our last night on earth, then I'm going to spend it with a little thing I call self-respect. (Jo) 84. I think you're a hero. (Rowena) 85. I can't live in the desert. I'm applying to Princeton. (Kevin) 86. This is my voicemail, make your voice … a mail. (Castiel)   @goofynerd-67babylove 87. You give a girl all sorts of nasty ideas. (Abaddon)   @lucilepiewhiskey 88. Was that your Batman voice? (Charlie) 89. Your life is one big poop storm isn't it? (Donna) 90. I guess because every woman I've ever had relations with... it hasn't ended well. (Sam)     @goldenolaf25 91. Dragons? Those are a thing? (Jody) 92. We’ll always be bound. You helped me. We will always help each other. (Amara) 93. Wait a second. Did he drunk dial you? (Sam)   @mrsbatesmotel53 94. I'm a man of my word. (Dean)   @deanwinchester-smut 95. I mean nothing ever really gets deleted from the Internet. (Sam) 96. This is a den of iniquity. I should not be here. (Castiel)   @thecuriouscrusader 97. Dude, she wants me to meet her parents. I don't do parents. (Dean) 98. Wow. I must be the star of this thing. (Sam)   @melbelle45 99. I’ve never seen so much porn. (Chuck)     @winsister91 100. Well, call it personal experience, but nobody gets that angry unless they're talkin' about their own family. (Dean)   @chaos-and-the-calm67

Tagging any and everyone I can think of cause I’m just so excited about reaching 2K!!!!

@megansescape @madamelibrarian @chelsea072498 @jayankles @feelmyroarrrr @docharleythegeekqueen @crowleysdemonknight @motleymoose @sumara62 @mrstheorossix3 @evansrogerskitten @waywardjoy   @dwaynii @jensen-jarpad   @deathtonormalcy56 @ruprecht0420 @charliebradbury1104 @relmi-llorrac @wonderange @sandlee44 @tom-is-in-my-tardis @kmb99t @summer-binging-spn @posiemax @ohmychuckitssamanddean @thedevilinthedetails @bohowitch @tmccarney @dragon-tail @suli155 @mrsbatesmotel53 @petrovadixon @thewalkingmombie @mogaruke @spontaneousam @uniquewerewolfsuit @firstlady36 @goldenolaf25 @lunarsaturn88 @spn-hetalian-from-hogwarts @carribear31  @captainemwinchester’ @babypieandwhiskey @impala-dreamer @frenchybell  @idreamofhazel @nichelle-my-belle @moonlitskinwalker @redlipstickandplaid @taste-of-dean @avasmommy224 @you-are-not-in-my-contacts-list  @p-b-and-cas @supernatural-jackles @treasurecastiel @calicat79 @beccafgs @mysteriouslyme81 @chaos-and-the-calm67 @sis-tafics @benjerry707 @impalaimagining @sdavid09 @meganlpie @whispersandwhiskerburn @authoressskr @deanwinchesterforpromqueen @beccatigger @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid @buckysmetallicstump @breeannhausler @sazrahlovesbooks @unfortunately-a @clinicalkayla @maddieburcham1 @ilostmyshoe-79 @roxy-davenport @eve05glee @jensenacklesfuckmeyes @ladyxdezi @catackles16 @wi-deangirl77 @dang-meddling-winchesters   @donnaintx @jdhillons @tiffanycaruso @pureawesomeness001 @notateenbeachmovie @deanlovespiebabyandmeloljkiwish @omgspnfanfiction @leonepanda @grimes-ft-winchester @thatshellfiredean @deanandsamsbitch @straitsupernaturalmalefan @farewell--sanity @lauramerrell1 @trustnobodyshootfirst @doro7winchester @mariairwin666 @tankcupcakes @atc74  @like-a-bag-of-potatoes @iwantthedean @paintrider13-blog @d-s-winchester @death2thevirgin @just-a-touch-of-sass-and-fandoms @ellen-reincarnated1967 @just-another-busy-fangirl @waywardjoy @winchesterprincessbride @sea040561 @my-favorite-fanfiction67 @watercolor31 @nichelle-my-belle @kittenofdoomage @clairese1980 @shamelesslydean @dean-winchester69 @disconnectedartist @destiel-addict-forever @samwinlover @capsheadquaters @tardis-full-of-fallen-angels  @not-moose-one-shots @notnaturalanahi @hopeewilsonn @fanfreak07 @juanitadiann @captainemwinchester @imgetting2old4diss @hollygopossum @impalapiegirl67 @percussiongirl2017 @kael-the-author