#truly the only time I’m attracted to men is a big muscular guy who is handsome but has a kind face & wouldn’t ever hurt me outside the bed

[prettyprincessplace]

My 25th birthday was yesterday and as a gift I got a strength kink 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

[msmarvelwrites]

Make Your Mark On Me

Summary: 'if you stepped through that threshold, the comfort of friendship would be something not so easily retrieved again.'

Pairing: Sam Wilson x agent!reader

Warnings: friends-to-lovers, angst, Explicit sexual content, Oral (f receiving), fingering, vaginal penetration, size kink, Sam has shmeat.

Word Count: 2.8k

Authors Note: Words cannot describe what this man does to me. Sam Wilson, sir, thank you for your service. And thank you @sweeterthanthis for all her help and support✨🖤

The crystal chandelier bounced iridescent sparkles through the bustling ballroom, shimmers of glimmering light twirling around as if you were in a kaleidoscope. You scanned the area, careful to not make your presence known. You were meant to blend in -- to fade away into the background. It was a job you had done easily for years.

You were never meant to leave your desk. Infact, when you had agreed to take the job as the Avenger’s personal technical analyst in the first place, your only request was to never see any real action. You were more than happy to stay put, in the ears of your colleagues rather than actually holding the gun.

Your job was safe, predictable, routine.

That was until Sam Wilson came crashing into your life.

The mission, for anyone qualified, would have been easy. Dress up, play pretend, hack into a terrorist database…

Okay, that part you could do with your eyes blindfolded. Though, that wasn't the point.

“Don’t suppose you know who I’m supposed to be looking out for?” You spoke under your breath into the small comm snug in your ear. You stumbled for a moment, the heels Nat made you wear proving to be less than ‘easy-peasy’ as she so casually put it.

“Big guy in the corner.” Sam echoed in your ear. “And may I just say, you are looking gorgeous tonight.”

You rolled your eyes, as if he was standing right beside you and not somewhere blended into the crowded room.

“We’re working, Wilson. Besides, I know you're out there charming the pants off of some model.” You retorted, the remark intended to make him laugh but he only scoffed, as if the idea wounded him.

“Babygirl, you think so little of me. I’d much rather take your pants off.” Sam’s words were smooth, well rehearsed and at this point, expected.

It’s the way it had always been between you two. Of course, you’d never let anything come of the innocent banter, except the occasional burning cheeks and lingering touches. Sam was your best friend, and that was how it was always going to be.

Besides, Sam Wilson could, and had on many nights, pulled any woman he set his sights on. You weren't about to be added to the ever growing list of women that hobbled out of his bedroom at three in the morning.

“Well, jokes on you. I’m not wearing any.” You mentally facepalmed yourself for the awful retort, a smile pulled across your lips at the melodic sound of your friends' laugh.

“Grab a drink, gorgeous. Loosen up for me.” He cooed, his tone playful as you swiped a champagne flute off a passing waiter. “The office you want to get to is upstairs. Last door on your left. You can meet me around back when you’ve secured the file.”

You nodded your head, bringing the glass to your lips and letting the liquid quell your nerves. You could do this.

Easy in and out.

Carefully you made your way through the crowded room, hyper aware of your surroundings as you quietly slipped through the masses. You smiled politely at a group of men who let you through, though it didn't go unnoticed how one of the strangers lingered their hands on your hips a little too long as you slid by.

“Don’t be nervous. I got you.” Sam’s words caught you off guard, the earnest in them causing you to fumble with your retort.

“You watching me, Wilson?” You mumbled, making your way up the stairs and towards your mission. It was almost over.

“Told you before we left, I’m not letting you out of my sights.” Sam chuckled softly, adding, “I got eyes everywhere baby. Your ass in that dress, by the way-”

“Watch it Sam.” You warned, but you couldn't help the smile that formed on your mouth, his words warming your cheeks. Because with Sam it never felt like objectification. With Sam there was always so much kindness behind his words, you almost took it for honesty.

Which, of course, it couldn't be.

“Okay, I’m at the door. How do I-”

“Is the little lady lost?” A deep gruff voice startled you as you spun on your heel only to come face to face with the same handsy stranger.

You cleared your throat, shaking your head quickly and trying to steady your voice. “N-no, sir. Just looking for the washroom.” You answered a little too quickly. There was radio silence on Sam’s end, and that made you a little nervous.

“Sir? I like the sound of that. Why don’t I escort you, and you can come up with a way to replay my kindness when we get there?” He toyed with the idea, his words crass as he gripped your forearm.

“Uh- no thank you. I can find my own way.” You stuttered, suddenly aware of how alone you truly were in this dark hallway with him.

“It wasn't a question.” He snarled, pulling you against him but before your body could even collide with his, he was on the floor.

You opened your eyes, a very worried Sam standing where the stranger once was. His eyes scanned you for a moment before he realized how startled you truly were.

“Did he touch you?” He spoke, and though he meant well, his tone came out dark. It was a side of Sam you very seldom saw, and now, watching his jaw click back and forth into place, you couldn't help but shiver. The stranger was lucky he only knocked him out.

“Only here,” You rubbed your arm where he had grabbed you and instantly Sam pulled you against his body, his hands running small circles in your back. “I’m fine, Sam. Really.”

Sam chuckled softly, pulling himself out of his rage and back to you. “Course’ you are. That’s my girl. Now let’s finish this thing and get you home.”

After you hacked into the computer database and retrieved the file your team needed, you and Sam slipped into the small black car. The ride home was one filled with silence and though it was usually comfortable with your friend, this time was anything but.

“He really didn't hurt me.” You finally spoke, trying and failing to reassure the nervous man.

“I know, but-” He began, but you squeezed his hand, the touch shutting him up instantly. If only it was always that easy. You chuckled softly at the thought.

“Baby, you had my back. Just like you said you would.” You bolstered, your eyes fleeting from his only for a moment as they landed on his lips. You mentally shook your head, averting your gaze to his lap, which wasn't really much better.

This strange warmth that began pooling in your stomach coaxed you into an unease you couldn't shake until you got back to the compound. Sam walked you to your room, resting on the door frame as you shuffled in, your eyes trained on the floor.

There was something different brewing between Sam and you tonight.

Something you had buried deep down and seldom let out. Maybe for fear of rejection, but deep down you knew he would always let you down easy. So perhaps it was the notion that, if you stepped through that threshold, the comfort of friendship would be something not so easily retrieved again.

“Why haven't you just kissed me?” The words tumbled from your lips before you could stop them. They seemed to slap Sam across the face, halting him in his place.

“Excuse me?” He managed to speak, words caught in his throat.

“I- I just mean… You look at me the same way you look at them. Hell, I’ve seen you pull the same lines on me you use on them. So why haven't you-”

“You want that?” He questioned. Now facing him, you could see a glimmer in his eyes you could only place as mischievous.

You worried on your bottom lip taking in Sam’s muscular form. It wasn't as if you hadn't noticed how incredibly beautiful he was before, but someone you had downed your attraction under a list of excuses. But now, in the dim lighting of your bedroom with the years of built up tension sizzling around you, you couldn't think of a single one.

“I just think I’d like to know what it’s like. At least for the night.” You spoke in sincerity, padding across the room towards him. You could tell he was bewildered by your sudden confidence, and to be fair, so were you. You could blame it on the champagne or maybe the bodycon dress Nat had squeezed you into, but you knew it was just Sam.

“Baby girl, if you cross this line, there’s no going back.” He warned, a false seriousness in his words. But there was honestly there, and you knew it, too. There would be no back peddling, but there was something in the way your hands were shaking; body vibrating with the notion of Sam close to you that had you wondering if you even cared.

“Show me.” You couldn't help the smirk that pulled at your lips when Sam sucked in a breath, his eyes never leaving yours.

You expected him to buckle. Turn away and walk out of the room, desperate to hold onto whatever reminisce of a friendship you still had. But he surprised you as he closed the distance, one hand sliding onto your waist and pulling you flush against his chest and the other cupping your jaw.

His thump traced your bottom lip, coaxing a soft gasp to spill from your throat.

Sam smiled softly at your reaction, his tongue flicking out to dampen his lips and -

You could have passed out right there. All the air in your lungs dissipated the moment his soft lips touched yours. Your hands instinctively wrapped around his neck, pulling him in, craving more, urging him on.

You could feel his smile in the kiss as you moaned, completely lost in the way his hands roamed your form. He was intoxicating, the heat of his body mixed with the warm smell of vanilla and nicotine incinerating any worry that had been floating in your head. You could only feel him - and the mattress as you fell backwards onto the bed.

Sam’s fingers found the bottom of your dress, dipping underneath the fabric as he pulled it up around your ass. His lips left yours, only to connect with the column of your throat, teeth gracing your jaw as you breathed him in.

The tension in the room changed suddenly when he caged you down onto the bed, his forehead resting on yours as you caught your breath.

“If you want me to stop-”

“Stay, please.” You gasped out, his eyes meeting yours and seeing the same desperation mirroring back.

“Fuck.” Sam growled out, eye rolling back in his head as you watched any hesitation melt away.

You were on your back moments later, his lips on your thighs and he held your knees apart. His mouth on your clothed cunt, tongue lapping against the wet fabric as he stretched it and with a snap, he tore it away. You gasped arching your back as if to soften the blow as he caught your clit in his mouth.

“Stay put, gorgeous.” He hummed against your sloppy folds, his nose rubbing against your clit as he devoured you; tongue puncturing your dripping hole as he drank you in.

You slapped your hand over your mouth, not at all eager to be added to the list of screamers Sam had come home with, but it was easier said than done. And by the way he was eating you out, it was only a matter of time before you were a whimpering mess.

“Don’t hold back those beautiful sounds.” Sam encouraged, a finger curling inside you, pulling at your walls as you choked on a moan, eyes rolling back in your head when he found your throbbing clit again. With only a few more twirls of his tongue, you were pouring out onto him, your first orgasm ripping through your body as he ate up every last drop.

“Fuck. You taste so sweet, babygirl.” Sam gasped, wiping your come from his lips as he flipped you over, instructing you to get on your knees and hold the headboard. “Gunna’ fuck this pussy so good. Gunna’ ruin you, gorgeous. Want you remembering that you asked for this.”

You could only whine in response, most of your will fucked away by his skilled tongue. But you had no idea what was to come. Sam lined himself up with you then, stroking his warm head in your slick folds as he began so rip you open with his cock.

You were no one near a virgin, but you probably could have fooled Sam as he coaxed himself further into you. On instinct, you arched your back away from him, terrified of his size as he began to slide deeper and deeper -

Sam grabbed you by your waist, holding you still as the tip of his thick cock kissed the deepest parts of you. “Nuh-uh, you're gonna’ take every last inch, baby girl. I know you can. Be my good little thing.”

You bit back a scream, letting go as you sunk back down onto his cock. You knew for a fact that you wouldn't be sitting comfortably tomorrow. Or for the next few days…

Before you could beg, Sam bucked his hips against you, pulling a gargled sob to vibrate from your chest as he fucked into you. There wasn’t any possible way he could get any deeper, but as he dug his fingers into your hips and speared you against his base, you swear he discovered a new part of you.

With one hand holding you steady and the other tangled in your hair, Sam made you his. You throbbed, pussy fluttering around his cock as he kept his brutal pace.

“That’s my good girl. Fuck.” Sam couldn't contain himself, a smile forming in his lips because he finally had you. Not only that, but he was balls deep, spanking your ass and coaxing screams from your beautiful lips. “Taking this cock so good.”

You didn't have the ability to answer him, gripping the headboard for dear life as you began to come undone for the second time tonight. And he knew, too; the cocky bastard.

“Thatt’a girl. Hold onto that for me. I know you’re close, but hold on .” Sam grunted against you, his large hands gripping your ass and watching your puckered hole glisen with your come. If he had it his way, he’d make another meal out of you, but he knew you were only moments from soaking his cock.

“I cant- oh- Sam!.” You screamed, your body betraying his demand. “Yes, yes…” You chanted the word, on the brink of complete destruction as your orgasm began to-

With a whine, he pulled out of you, flipping you onto your back and folding you in half. You gripped your knees, and gasped and he sank back down into you. With a few deep pumps you were right back where you were, whimpering and pleading with him to make you come.

“Just wanted to see your pretty face when you come apart.” Sam admitted, a crooked smile forming on his mocha lips and your swear, it was the sweetness of it that had you tumbling over the edge. He was just so beautiful, you couldn't hold back.

And just like that, the golden God between your legs turned you into a screamer. His name left your lips so many times, you swear it became your new religion. A prayer you only spoke for him.

“Where do you want it?” He suddenly sounded vulnerable, but then again, so were you. Cockdrunk and flushed from his assault. You lost yourself in his question until you noticed how hard he was gripping your thighs, holding back his orgasm as he shook, slowing his thrusts.

“Fill me up, Sam.” you pleaded, and just like that, he crumbled. A broken growl left his lips, one hand coming to wrap around your throat and hold you steady as you consciously make the effort to speaze your used cunt around him.

“Fuck, yeah. Just like that” A few sloppy thrusts later and he was painting your throbbing walls with his hot spend. The both of you shivered, panting against one another as you took in the mess you’d made. You had shattered everything platonic in a matter of minutes, and yet the goofy grin plastered on Sam’s lips was unyielding.

“You’re my best friend.” He grinned, still catching his breath. He stroked your face, tucking your damp hair behind your ear as he kissed your lips tenderly.

“I don’t want you like a best friend.” you puffed, framing his jaw in your hands as you took him in.

In this new light, Sam looked ethereal.

Like something otherworldly and for a moment, you knew that even if everything would change the moment you left the confines of your bedroom, Sam would always be yours. And that would always be enough.

[mypoisonedvine]

Can u pls write something like dark!reader x steve rogers high school AU , where R is rich spoil brat & she always had a crush on steve but she always bully him by calling him skinny and all and Then yrs later, time changes her family discarded her from will and she becomes poor and need job, got hired for PA by dark ceo!steve rogers who she bullied her all school lifee😈😈

okay this is a lot for a headcanon but I don’t have time to do a whole oneshot BUT I also really like it so we’re gonna just make a longass headcanon here we gooooo

warnings for heavy dub con, choking, slapping, degradation (by steve), bullying (by the reader), abortion mention, brief mention of/implied assault.

“heyo pipsqueak” you called out to get steve’s attention, laughing when he frowned.  “looks like you grew a whole inch over summer, be sure to have your mom draw a line in pencil on the doorframe.”

he just rolled his eyes and got back to chatting with his friend.  not friends, friend, cause he only had one: bucky, who snarled at you as well.

“pick on someone your own size, if you can find somebody with as big a head as you,” bucky shot back, making you scoff.

“you know, it’s a shame you hang out with this deformed freak, you could’ve been popular.  you’ve got the looks for it.”

“I’d rather keep my brains, thanks,” bucky explained as you walked away with your posse of fellow popular kids.

you didn’t used to be so mean to steve.  it was sort of a comedy of errors, really.  you two had been friends in elementary school-- you, him, and bucky were the rambunctious trio up until middle school.  

things change for boys and girls in middle school.  guys just get along with each other and don’t think about it much.  girls, though... girls need to be sharp.  it’s eat or be eaten.  and you wanted to eat.

you were lucky that you developed early.  it meant that girls respected you and boys feared you-- not just for your attractive features but for the fact that you loomed a foot over most of them.

you started to take advantage of it.  and by the time you realized you had feelings for your best friend steve, it was already too late-- he was at the bottom of the food chain and you were at the top.  

you told your new girl friends that you wanted to take steve to the sadie hawkins.  they laughed at you.  for a moment, you felt what it was like to be outcast and you never wanted to feel it again.  so, you told steve and bucky that you’d grown apart.  and you were happy to just be former friends...

it was steve that started it.  he called you out.  he told you that you were nothing like who he used to know-- you had become vapid and cold and narcissistic.

“you’re so busy worrying about what other people think, you never take the time to think for yourself.”  that was what he said.  and it fucking hurt.

“saw you talking to your boyfriend steve the dweeb,” your friend tanya announced at lunch just a few minutes after that conversation.  and you were angry, and hurt, and truly friendless despite being surrounded by other popular girls.  so you said some things you could never take back.

“steve?  as if.  did you know he still sleeps with a security blanket?  and he has his friend bucky fight for him every week cause if he took a punch he’d crumble to dust?”

and so, mortal enemies were formed.  it only got worse in high school, as you fought to secure your title at the top while steve and bucky’s presence filled your heart with guilt and your gut with anger.

if only you’d known how quickly you could fall from your high horse.

it started when you dated tanya’s ex, brock.  she was made so she spread a rumor that you would fuck any guy on the football team, even all of them at once.

apparently, a lot of people believed it since tanya had been your sidekick since 6th grade.

two football players believed it.  and when you wouldn’t follow through on it, you got yourself a black eye.

that meant you missed school for a week because you couldn’t possibly show up looking like that.  tanya told everyone it was because you got grounded and sent away to church camp after your parents caught you in bed with one of the neighbors.  so now your reputation was ‘sleeps with football players and old men.’

only brock had been there for you.... but it turned out he had motives of his own.  you had originally planned to wait until college, but brock was clearly wanting something in return for putting up with dating pariah #1... so you let him take your virginity.

the condom broke.  when you dashed to the trash can to hurl in the middle of history class, you knew something was wrong.  (and lost that many more social points in the process.)

brock dumped you the second he found out you were pregnant.  didn’t even help you pay for the abortion.  he got back together with tanya and told her the real reason for your ‘medical absence’.  and that was the last straw for the former homecoming queen.

the humiliation drove you to some.... poor choices, for the next few years.  you tried not to think about them now, but it was hard not to when their consequences were staring you right in the face: no money, no job, nearly homeless, and desperate.

over a hundred job applications later, only one had called you back and scheduled an interview.  and you only needed one.

so there you were, waiting in the chilly lobby area while the receptionist typed away and chomped her gum, tapping your toes and glancing out the window occasionally.

you were surprised when you had been told your interview would be on the 51st floor.  you sort of assumed it would just be some random manager interviewing you, not somebody important enough to have a waiting room like this, or a view like this.

when a man stepped out from the nearby hallway, your eyes went wide.  he was tall, and handsome, and obviously muscular underneath the exquisite suit.  you suddenly felt underdressed in your hand-me-down business clothes.

then he called your name.  and you realized he was going to interview you.

you stood up and nodded.  “you can follow me to my office,” he instructed with a smile, leading you down the hall to the corner office.  you were in awe of the grandiosity of it all.  you were dumbfounded when you saw CEO on the door.

“there must have been a mistake,” you explained as he shut the door behind you.  “I... I’m just interviewing for an entry-level position.”

“no, there’s no mistake,” he shook his head, “I have you exactly where I want you.  take a seat.”

he circled his desk and sat on the other side of it, resting his elbows on the desk and giving you an oddly smug smile.  an awkward silence was finally broken when he realized, “you must not remember me.”

“I... have we met?” 

“I don’t blame you, I look pretty different,” he shrugged.  “I must’ve grown a whole inch this summer.”

you gave him a confused look before realization dawned on you, along with shame, and fear.

“oh... oh my god, Steve?!” you squawked.  he just grinned.  “you look... you look...”

“taller?”

sexy.

“you look great!” you said aloud instead.

“yeah,” he agreed, “wish I could say the same for you.”

you swallowed dryly.  “so that’s what you want,” you sighed, “to get back at me.  I understand.  I deserve it...”

“I don’t want revenge,” he denied.  “I’m just sorry to see you haven’t been... thriving, since high school.  your job history--” he scanned your resume briefly-- “well, you don’t have one.  have you been slumming it all this time?”

“without my parents’ money?  yeah,” you admitted.  

“surprised you applied here, instead of turning tricks on 5th and Columbus.”

your back straightened and your eyes went wide at that comment.

“I mean, you’re already dressed for it,” he smirked.

you stood up and crossed your arms.  “if you’re just going to insult me, then I’ll leave now.  I’m sorry for everything I did to you, steve,” you announced, voice shaky with oncoming tears.

“can you really afford to leave?” he pressed.  “if you have a chance at a job?”

that, unfortunately, got your attention.  “you... you might actually offer me something?”

“I will offer you something,” he corrected, “if you just sit down and listen.”

you relented, returning to your seat.  you could stand a lot more insults if there was money on the line.

“to be honest, there’s no way I can hire you for the position you applied for,” he sighed.  “you’re just underqualified.  but I think I can create a position for you.”

you liked the sound of that.  “what kind of position?”

“well, that’s tricky, seeing as you don’t have any skills,” he frowned, “except one.  so that’s the one I plan on using.”

the look in his eyes made it all too clear what he was referring to, but as you shrunk into the leather chair he went ahead and clarified.

“I’ll pay you whatever salary you saw in the ad.  but you won’t be doing data analysis or office management or anything like that.  all you’ll be doing is spreading your legs for me whenever I fucking want.”

fear shot up your spine; his eyes were devouring you, pinning you to the chair, and you tried to process that.  “I--”

“before you say anything,” he interrupted immediately, “let’s just be perfectly clear that this might be your only shot at a real job.  what I’m offering has better pay than stripping, and better benefits than hooking.  and unless you have any education or experience I don’t know about, you’re totally fucked.”

“seems like I’m fucked either way,” you mumbled, making him laugh.

“see, you’ve still got that sharp tongue,” he grinned.  “can’t wait to put it to better use.”

maybe it was just desperation for cash.  maybe it was because he was good-looking and you could do a lot worse.  maybe it was because, on some level, you felt like you deserved his punishment after how horribly you’d treated him.

“I’ll do it,” you sighed.  “when do I start?”

he stood up and reached across the desk to grab your neck, glaring at you.  “right now.”

his free hand was already fumbling with his belt, the one on your throat guiding you downwards.  “on your knees,” he instructed, and you slipped out of the chair and onto the floor.

he let go of your neck and you figured he was going to come to you, but instead he stood still and demanded: “crawl.”

debasing as it was, you crawled on your knees to his side of the desk, and he laughed at you bitterly.  when you reached his feet and popped back up, you gasped at the sight of his hard cock right in front of your face. it was bigger than your face.  and it was dripping precum.

“don’t get so bug-eyed, you can handle it,” he grinned.  “if your mouth’s as big as I remember...”

you didn’t want to hear any more.  you just wanted to get this over with, so you quickly took his head between your lips and started to suck.  you were shocked when he slapped you, hard enough to knock his length from your mouth and to make you reach up and clutch your stinging cheek.

“fucking whore,” he grimaced, “did I say you could put it in your mouth?  god, you’re so fucking desperate.  just open your fucking mouth and I’ll show you what I want, okay?”

you nodded and stammered an apology, looking up at him with watery eyes and an open mouth.  he swiped the latest drop of precum on your tongue before gliding his cock over it, grabbing your hair to keep you steady as he pushed himself to the back of your throat.

“fuck, that’s better,” he sighed.  “so much better when you just do what you’re told.  I remember how you used to be so cruel with this mouth.  now you’re being so welcoming...”

you just sat there and let him use your mouth, trying not to gag when he hit your throat.

“look up at me,” he instructed, “yeah, that’s it.  can’t have you forgetting who’s doing this to you, now can we?”

that went on for a bit longer until mascara-stained tears streaked your face, which he seemed rather proud of.

“damn, wouldn’t mind having you swallow my come right now,” he admitted, “but I have bigger plans.  get up, bend over my desk.”

you coughed briefly when he pulled out, but did as you were told.  he instantly yanked your skirt up over your ass and spanked you several times roughly, making you sob and whine.

“wanna see this ass all bruised up in the shape of my hand,” he explained.  “so we can both remember how hard I fucked you.”

he tore your panties like they were paper, chuckling when he found you already wet.

“dripping already, just from choking on my cock?  poor baby...”

you spread your legs slightly, though you were sure nothing was going to adequately prepare you for his size.

“you figured out how to use birth control since graduating, right?” he asked, and you nodded quickly.  “good.  cause I’m not using a condom,” he continued as he let his cock glide over your folds, groaning slightly, “and there’s no way in hell I’m pulling out.”

he pushed forward in one brutal stroke, making you cry out loudly.  you really hoped these rooms were mostly soundproof.

“shit, you’re tight,” he hissed, already pulling back and thrusting back in.  “clearly you recovered from your years of slutting it up in high school.”

“that-- that wasn’t true,” you defended.

“oh, just shut up,” he growled.

he fucked you fast and deep, his hips pushing yours into the edge of his desk with each thrust.  his hands pinned you down at your shoulders, another reminder that you were entirely at his mercy.

“fuck, this is just what you needed... somebody to put you in your place.  makes sense that it should be me, since you hated me so much.”

“I didn’t h-hate you,” you hiccuped. 

“yeah, you wanted me, didn’t you?”

“always,” you admitted.

“wanted my fat fuckin’ cock to tear up your pussy?  is that it?”

“yes,” you moaned, “yes, steve, wanted to be yours.”

“even when I was skinny and short?”

“even when you hated me,” you added.

he growled slightly and you felt your walls tighten around him suddenly.  he chuckled, clearly aware that you were enjoying this.

“you want more, baby?  want me to fuck you harder?”

“whatever you want,” you answered instead.  “just use me however you want.”

he moaned and leaned down to cage your body in with his.  “fuck, baby... you’re taking this better than I thought you would.  such a good girl for me, huh?  such a good little slut.  want me to use you, baby?  take all my anger out on you?”

“yes,” you whispered, sobbing when he began to fuck you more brutally than you thought possible.  but it felt good.  so good that your legs were shaking, so good that you felt even better when he tugged your hair.

“yeah, gonna come on my cock, aren’t you?” 

you nodded and bit your lip.

“m’ close too,” he admitted, “you’re gonna be so full of my come, it’s gonna be dripping down your legs when you walk out of here...”

your orgasm made your body shake and your eyes roll back.

“fuck, I can feel you coming,” he groaned, “fuck, just like that-- fuck!”

you felt his warmth fill you as his cock flexed against your walls.  you were busy trying to catch your breath when he slumped down on top of you and pushed the air from your lungs.

“damn... didn’t think I was gonna come that fast,” he sighed.  “see what you do to me?  fuck, I knew this was a good idea.”

sure, it felt good, but you were sure he was only going to get rougher and meaner the longer this went on.  you couldn’t imagine how you were going to get out of here without somebody noticing your wrinkled clothes, messed-up hair and, as he’d pointed out himself, come all over your thighs.

“guess I’ll see you at 8am tomorrow, huh?” he chuckled, giving you an unexpected peck on the cheek.  you couldn’t answer, though, interrupted by the phone on his desk ringing.  “oh, sorry, gotta get this.”

he reached for the phone and picked it up, bringing to his ear all without pulling out of you or even lifting his body from on top of yours.

“bucky, hey,” steve grinned as he spoke into the phone, looking down at you and stroking your hair, “you’re not gonna believe who I ran into today...”

[kpop---writings]

1 Million Views (M)

An EXO-SC threesome request!

This is pure filthy smut

Also PLS I know their song is 1 Billion Views but that wasn’t realistic for what I was going for lmao ENJOY!

---

After adding the final touches to your look for the night, you pick up your phone and text the group chat. The group chat containing you and your two best friends, Park Chanyeol and Oh Sehun, titled, unoriginally, The 3 Musketeers!

“Are you boys ready for tonight? I’m starting in 30 minutes and you’re still not here. Don’t try to chicken out on me.”

You’re a cam girl and although you normally do solo videos, you were reading some comments on one of your videos and came across a man who wrote that he would “pay extra to see this girl get fucked by 2 dudes at once!” Naturally you see your favorite words, “pay more,” and immediately start thinking about every guy you know or would even feel comfortable with fucking at the same time. You truly could not think of a more perfect pair than your best friends from high school.

You remember the day you asked them and how you were so nervous you wanted to throw up.

---

“Are you guys available for a 3 way FaceTime call right now?” You sent to the group chat.

Sehun texted back first, “Yep!”

Chanyeol not too long after, “Double yep!”

You take a deep breath as you press the FaceTime icon at the top of the group chat. It only rang 3 times before they both answered.

“Hey!!” Sehun shouts.

“Are we in trouble?” Chanyeol asks in a joking way.

You just let out a short laugh before changing back to your nervous demeanor.

“Oh man. I was joking are we really?” Chanyeol speaks up again.

“No... no you guys aren’t in trouble,” You let out a nervous laugh this time.

“Come on, what’s bugging you I can see the gears in your head spinning,” Sehun asks.

“Okay okay okay. I have a very serious question. I am 100% not joking when I ask this. I need a real, honest answer. Okay?

You watch as both Chanyeol and Sehun just nod their heads, staring at the screen.

“Okay?” You repeat.

“Yes yes okay.”

“Okay, honest answer, got it.”

After they both give you the response you were looking for you finally ask them.

“Would you guys be okay with being in a video with me? Like, on my cam series?”

It’s no secret to them what you do, they are your best friends after all.

You watch as Sehun’s jaws drop and Chanyeol’s eyes grow even more wider than they naturally are.

Chanyeol speaks first. “Like both of us in a video with you at the same time?”

You nod your head unable to look back at the screen. You’re secretly glad you did this through FaceTime and not in person. You don’t think you could’ve handled it. 

You hear Sehun ask a question as well. “What exactly will we be doing?”

You clear your throat as your eyes find focus away from the phone screen and on a plant somewhere in your room.

“Well we would be doing some sexual things of course. Um...you guys would be, you know, doing things to me together.” Why is it suddenly so hard to explain what a threesome is?

“So we’re having a threesome? For your cam girl series?”

“Yes, if you guys are up for it? Someone commented that they would pay extra to see it, so I can of course split the money with you guys no problem. I will be promoting on my channel as something extra premium for my already premium customers, so I will definitely be making a lot more than usual.” You’re rambling now.

“I’m down,” Sehun says with a wicked smile.

“Me too, let’s get this bread!” Chanyeol adds.

You relax with their enthusiastic answers and you three all break into smiles as you begin to plan out all the details for your special video.

---

Chanyeol texts back, “Relax were outside come open the door.”

You smile and squeal getting all giddy because you’d be lying if you said you hadn’t imagined fucking Chanyeol and Sehun at some point during the time you’ve known them. Now you’re about to fuck them both! At the same time!

You open the door and your greeted with both of their toothy smiles, you can't help but give them a toothy smile back.

“Come in, guys!” You say excitedly. 

You’re wearing your robe right now because you want to get their raw reaction to what you’re wearing underneath when you turn on the camera.

You lead them down the hallway to your room. In the corner you’ve got a red sheet on the wall as a back ground, you’ve got your camera set up on the tripod with a big ring light around it. 

“This is a nice set up!” Sehun says, genuinely impressed.

“Sehun, I’m a professional. I have to have the best quality videos out there.” You say with a proud smile.

They both let out a little laugh.

“Oh! I almost forgot.” You pick up the two black ski masks you bought for them. “I wasn’t sure if you guys were comfortable with showing your faces on camera, so I got you these just in case!”

“Oh this is perfect, thanks.” Chanyeol says as he grabs one.

Sehun takes off his shirt before grabbing his and putting it on.

You admire his slender, yet muscular frame. His pale skin making it look even more majestic. The faint outlines of a six pack showing. You’re ready to start touching him already.

You look over and see Chanyeol has done the same. His body is just as attractive as Sehun’s. His skin slightly more tanned, muscles more defined. You want to give him a nice long lick from the hem of his pants to his neck. With their masks on, it’s hard to focus on anything but their bodies.

Your alarm goes off, pulling you out of your trance, letting you know it’s time to start. “Okay are you guys ready? Don’t forget this is LIVE.” You put emphasis on live because you guys talked about it before and had to carefully plan it so it would look as natural as possible. You don’t want your viewers knowing you’ve never had sex with them before. You like for them to think you’re a dirty girl even off camera, it really sells the persona you’ve created.

You physically place them on either side of you and look in the camera’s view finder to make sure it looks good.

You look over to Chanyeol, “Are you ready?” He gives you a wink.

You look over to Sehun and ask him the same. He responds by making a kissy face to you. You smile and press the start button on the computer, starting the live.

You watch as the viewer number climb rapidly. Once it hits 10,000 you start talking.

“Hi lovers.” You start if your most sultry voice you can muster, your cam voice. “I have two special guests with me today,” You run your hand down Sehun’s stomach, trying to ignore the way he tenses. “Over here we have Mr. S.” You move over to Chanyeol and do the same. “And on this side we have Mr. C.”

With your robe still tied, you let it slip off your shoulders just a little bit, using your forearms to keep it up. You notice in the view finder Chanyeol and Sehun both turn their heads to you, watching you.

“I hear my lovers were just dying to see me get fucked by two men. Is this true?” You watch the comments and reactions flow in on your computer. You look back at the camera with a sexy smirk and finally untie and drop the robe completely.

Under the robe your breast are completely bare and your panties are black lace, crotchless thongs. You put on a bit of body glitter on your chest, you notice your viewers love when you’re sparkly. You’ve got some dark lipstick and a dark cat eye to match. 

You are sure to keep eye contact with the camera as your hands find Sehun’s dick through his sweatpants. You start rubbing him through his pants making sure the outline is very evident for the viewers to see. You look over your shoulder at Chanyeol who is rubbing himself through his sweatpants.

“Ohh lovers, I think Mr. C is getting a little jealous watching me give all my attention to Mr. S.” You watch Chanyeol pull his dick out and start jerking off while staring very deeply into your eyes. You movements almost falter on Sehun’s dick. You’re trying your hardest to keep it together, this is live!

You break the eye contact and look back to the camera, “Actually, lovers, I think this is making Mr. C very horny.” You pull Sehun’s pants down to his ankles and he kicks it off the rest of the way. “Let’s give him a little more to watch.”

You turn your full attention to Sehun and wrap your hand around his dick as you jerk him slowly. Then you pull him down for a heated kiss with your other hand. Sehun’s hands grip your waist on either side. Your mouths begin to move in sync and you slip your tongue into his mouth and he gladly sucks on it pulling a moan out of you. As the kiss gets deeper you feel a third hand roughly grab your right breast, the one closer to the camera, and you can feel the head a Chanyeol’s dick against your ass. You start pushing back against him and he lets out a moan. You let go of Sehun’s dick to pull him closer so that his is rubbing against your clit. You have Chanyeol grinding against your ass and Sehun against your clit. You could cum right now. 

The hand that was on your breast is now around your jaw and pulling you away from Sehun’s lips. Chanyeol turns you so that you're now in a heated kiss with him. Sehun’s takes this moment to kiss and lick all over your exposed neck. You feel Sehun continue to go further and further down your body until feel him lick at your clit. Chanyeol lets your jaw go and you can finally take a deep breath. You let a sensual moan as Sehun encases your clit with his mouth giving it a gentle suck. You lean your head back onto Chanyeols chest and he grabs your hand and it puts around his dick. He starts fucking into your hand as you try to meet his pace. 

You turn back to the camera so your viewers can watch your face as you get your pussy ate while jerking off Chanyeol. You catch a glimpse of yourself in the viewfinder and even you have to admit the scene unfolding right now looks so good.

“You like how he’s eating your pussy huh? Are you going to cum on his face? I bet your lovers would love to watch you cum on his face.” Chanyeol suddenly says as his hands knead at your breast. Your eyes screw shut and you feel your hips begin to buck even more into Sehun’s face. That was so unexpected. They said they weren’t comfortable with speaking. You thought they would be silent. 

Chanyeol starts sucking on your neck. “Come on, baby, cum on his face for me, I’m sure he’d love it too.” You look down and Sehun is already looking at you. You watch his tongue swirl around your clit before sucking on it again. The sight mixed with Chanyeol’s hands on your breast and his deep grunting in your ear as he fucks your hand makes your whole body come undone. You feel your orgasm take over you as you cry out that you’re cumming.

Your body starts to shake and Sehun holds your legs to keep you from squeezing his head while he helps you ride out your orgasm with soft, wide tongue licks. Chanyeol is peppering your neck with kisses, also attempting to help you ride this out.

Once you’ve finally come down, you glance over to the computer and see the view number climbing even more and lots of reactions and comments coming in. Aside from the amazing orgasm you just had, you’re also thinking about how much money you’re about to make from this special.

Sehun comes back up and pulls you to his lips, making you taste yourself. You moan into his mouth while Chanyeol finally pulls his sweatpants off. When you and Sehun finally pull away from each other you watch as Chanyeol walks closer to the camera holding his dick. Once he’s close enough, he starts shaking it around for your viewers. Oh, he loves this, you think to yourself.

“Should we fuck your sweet babydoll at the same time...” He looks back at you and Sehun, dick still in his hand, “Or take turns?” He’s incredibly comfortable in front of the camera behind that mask.

All three of your attentions turn over to the computer screen watching the viewers comments come in.

“Together!!”

“Fuck that slut at the same time she’ll fucking love it!”

“Her wet pussy can handle two dicks at the same time”

“We paid to see her fucked by two guys at once”

More and more comments of that nature keep rolling in and Chanyeol looks back to the camera, stroking his dick slowly. “Looks like babydoll’s pussy is about to get stretched out,” he says with a smirk.

There’s a rather large, pink bean bag chair behind you that you normally use for your solo acts. You take a seat on it and spread your legs as far as they’ll go, while Chanyeol adjusts the camera angle.

Once finished with camera he comes over to sit next you and shoves his index in middle finger in your mouth, knowing that he wants you to get them wet for your pussy. Sehun sits on the opposite side and shoves his same two fingers in your mouth too.  Once they’re both moistened to their satisfaction they bring them down to your pussy.

Chanyeol slips them in you doing a scissoring motion to stretch you, Sehun doing the same.

It’s Sehun’s turn to talk, to your surprise. “We have to get baby dolls pussy prepared for us,” He says looking at the camera. “We want to make sure her pussy is stretched so good for the both of us.”

You lean your head back and let out a long moan as they both finger you with their index and middle fingers. You’ve never been this stretched out before and base on the size of their dicks, you’re a little nervous it might still be painful even after the prepping.

You feel someone’s thumb collect some of the wetness around your pussy and then start gently rubbing your clit. Your head snaps back up quickly and you suck your bottom lip in biting it hard. Your eyebrows crease and your eyes are screwed shit again. You feel like you could come again. Chanyeol leans in to kiss you and after not even two seconds of making out you feel Sehuns lips add to the mix. Here you are in a three way kiss with your two best friends and their fingers up your pussy. Never in a million years did you foresee this happening.

They both start moving down at the same time, kissing, licking, and sucking on either side of your neck. You can feel your face contorting again, you’re trying to catch your breath while the moans slips out very breathy. You can feel your pussy trying to clench and your legs start trembling. The warm feeling in your stomach getting warmer and warmer before spreading throughout your whole body. 

“Ahhhh fuck! Ohhh fuck fuck fuck! I’m cumming again oh my fu-” You cut yourself with a loud, breathy moan as you reach the peak of your orgasm. Your face is all warm and sticky with a thin layer of sweat, your lips feel swollen. You’re sure you look fucked out and you haven’t even been fucked yet.

Once you’ve calmed down you open your eyes to see both Chanyeol and Sehun staring at you with wide eyes and their mouths slightly open. Looks like they enjoyed the show. You nod your head signaling that you’re ready for them.

Chanyeol stands first to go fix the camera angle again, this time zooming it in a little bit more to focus on where your pussy’s going to be. To help figure out where exactly you go ahead and move to sit on Sehun’s lap in the center of the bean bag. You align his tip with you glistening and already sensitive pussy and slide down with ease. Sehun scoots into a more laying down position and at an angle so the camera gets a great shot of your stretched out pussy.

Once Chanyeol gets the angle perfect he comes back in the frame, puts a little spit on his hand to rub on the tip of his dick. Then you feel him towards the back of your entrance. He sticks is finger in again trying to prepare you a little more to make this as painful as possible. Once he feels you’re ready, he finally slides in too.

The moan you let out came from deep within you. In no way did the stretch their four fingers did compare to the stretch both of their dicks did. It’s a bit painful and you have to put a hand on Chanyeol’s hip stopping him from going any deeper. You allow your pussy to get accustomed to the stretch before letting them start moving.

Once you’ve taken your hand away from his hip, Chanyeol takes it as a sign and is the first one to move. Sehun watches your face for any sign that you’re in pain and he notices you’re okay and starts moving underneath you as well.

Once they both get their rhythm they get very into it, they’re both moaning, yet they sound so different. You can’t even describe the feeling you have right now. Two dicks moving in you at the same time. It’s not the best feeling, but it’s also not the worst.

They start to speed up you can tell Chanyeol, especially, must be close. He grabs your arms and pulls them behind you, making you sit up in the process. You're a moaning mess along with them. Sehun has his feet firmly planted on the ground, allowing him to thrust up with even more speed. His hands are gripping your hips so hard, you’re sure there will be a bruise. 

You and Sehun are staring into each other’s eyes. You wish you could see his whole face taken over with ecstasy. You so badly want to tear this masks off. Chanyeol lets go of one of your arms and wraps his hand around your neck. You reciprocate by using your free arm to reach back and pull him even closer with your hand tangled in his hair.

“You’re such a slut, babydoll, aren’t you?” Chanyeol says loud enough for your mic to catch.

You simply nod your head, not trusting your voice right now.

He lets go of your neck to slap your titty. “Use your voice, babydoll! I asked you a question!”

His hand goes back to your throat and you scream out “Yes!” before he tightens his hand around it again.

You hear Sehun from under you, “Only sluts can handle two dicks in her this good!”

“Yes!! You both feel so good!! I want you both to cum in me! Let me feel you both cum!!” You don't know what's gotten into you but that wasn’t part of the plan. Caught up in the moment I guess?

Nonetheless, you feel Chanyeol’s grip around your neck falter and he does one last, hard thrust into you before his body tenses and he groans loudly into your neck. He came first. Sehun goes a little bit longer, adding to Chanyeol’s pleasure with the friction, before his hips start jutting sporadically inside of you finally cumming as well with a loud moan, turning his head to the side, eyes shut tight and mouth wide open.

For a moment you three just lay there, completely fucked out and exhausted. Chanyeol pulls out and you let out a moan from feeling your pussy relaxed after being so stretched. He helps you off of Sehun and onto wobbly legs. You make your way to the camera and bend over in front of it, ready to sign off.

“Lovers, how was that?” You ask, still panting. “Was it worth every penny? I sure hope so. I love being your guys’ little slut.” You smile before biting your bottom lip and winking at the camera. “Thank you so much for tuning in, until next time.” You kiss your hand and blow it to the camera, then reaching over to your computer, you end the live.

After the live ended, you see your stats for the video and you’re completely shocked to see that you had 1 million viewers tonight!

“How would you guys like to make a couple more videos with me?” You ask turning around to see that they’ve both taken their masks off. They both looks so good right now, ecstasy still written all over their face.

They look at each other, still breathless, and then back to you, both smiling.

After tonight, you know your guys’ friendship will never be the same. But you’re kind of okay with that, because they really know how to make you feel good and fuck you out!

[seasonsofeverlark]

$1 Smooches

Author: @alliswell21

Prompt: Everlark and a Kissing Booth [submitted by @mandelion82]

Rating: G

Author’s Note: Modern AU. ~1600 words _____________

“That game was rigged!” Katniss seethed.

“Lower your voice, Brainless! Do you want the carnies to curse you? I don’t, I’m standing right next to you!” Johanna hissed, slapping a hand over Katniss’ mouth. 

“I’m sure carnival workers consider that a derogatory term,” Prim sighed, done with her companions silliness.

“Anything is offensive nowadays,” said Johanna, winded, after Katniss shoved her away. 

Katniss scowled, giving another shove for good measure, “Cut it out, Johanna!”

Prim rolled her eyes. “You are aware, this is a charity event benefiting the hospital I work for, right? all booths are operated by volunteering hospital employees, which means the ring-the-bottle game wasn’t rigged,” Prim stared pointedly at her sister, “and nobody is getting cursed!” She glared at Johanna next, “Behave!”

There was nothing Katniss hated more than disappointing her baby sister. “I’m sorry, Prim, we’ll be better,” Katniss glared at her friend, “Right Jo?” 

“Fine! But I demand a greasy, deep fried treat, and a big sugary drink to go with it!” 

“Yay!” Primrose clapped, hooking her slender arms through her sister and friend’s elbows, “Lets have some fun!”

The trio came to a food booth, Prim piped in, “I’ll ordered us a funnel cake and two giant lemonades, you guys go find another game, I don’t mind waiting in line,” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah…and then we can go to the booth my department set up. My favorite nurse in the whole world is manning it!”

Katniss and Johanna walked past the inflatables and the bouncy castle, trying not to bump into families with rambunctious children, and then, they saw a ridiculously loud-excuse-of-an-eyesore-shack painted in pepto pink, decked to the gills with giant red and pink hearts sprouting from every corner of the stand, and a large, white sign crowning the top, announcing: “$1 Smooches”, spelled in blinking light bulbs, with a neon yellow arrow pointing downwards.

“A kissing booth?” Johanna arched her eyebrows, curiously. 

The queue to the booth was very long and to Katniss’ surprise, composed mostly by female patrons. 

“What. Is. that?!” Gasped Johanna, pointing to the booth while fanning herself with her free hand. Without further comment, Jo grabbed Katniss’ hand and marched straight for the kissing booth line.

“What—?”

“Come on Brainless, I have two singles in my wallet and a tube of chapstick ready for the hunk selling kisses!” 

Katniss was momentarily confused, until she saw a muscular man with a boyish, lopsided smile, taking a crisp dollar bill from a very enthusiastic woman; a second later, the man puckered up his pink lips, and leaned forward, just outside the big window of the booth, forearms flexing deliciously against the sleeves of his polo shirt; a wayward curl of his ashy blonde hair fell over his forehead in just the right way.

“Oh!” Katniss gulped, falling into step with her best friend. 

The line advanced impressively fast, for how long it was. In a matter of minutes, which was truly appreciated, since nobody particularly enjoyed being sandwiched between the baking sun and the suffocating blacktop of the lot. The girls were second to next line, but Johanna started sneezing uncontrollably, thanks to the cigarette smoke of a passerby. 

“Ugh! This is a hospital’s parking lot! A no smoke zone!” Jo rasped angrily, “Here!” She shoved a balled up wad of cash into Katniss’ hands, and before her friend could stop her, she went after the smoking a-hole, to rip him a new one. 

Katniss found herself at the front of line very suddenly, and the man beckoned her forward, lopsided grin, so inviting, she stepped up without consciously deciding to.

The man studied her quizzically for a moment, “Hello, there,” he greeted, “Are you an employee at Panem General, or are you a guest? You look familiar,” he said.

“Guest,” Katniss answered, a little too fast. She stepped backwards, rethinking her situation, the woman directly behind her, gave her a weak push forward, to keep her from stepping on her toes. 

The man looked at the ball of cash in Katniss’ hands and smiled brightly. “Would you like to make a donation to Panem General’s pediatric wing? Every dollar counts,” he said softly.

Katniss nodded bashfully, not really understanding his words, too preoccupied with how velvety soft the man’s voice was. She handed him the whole wad, which apparently was $5 in crinkled $1 bills. 

The guy took only one, and placed the rest of the money on the counter, next to Katniss’ hand, before leaning forward to brush his lips against Katniss’. 

There was no telling how long the kiss lasted, but judging by the aggravated buzzing of complaints coming from behind Katniss, it had been long enough to warrant an annoyed calling out.

“Hey! Stop holding up the smooches!” 

Katniss opened her eyes, shifting down to the ball of her feet. She hadn’t realized she’d closed her eyes and stretched on the tip of her toes during her kiss. She stared at the guy, who looked slightly dazed as he admired her back; his smile seemed even more crooked than before. 

“Oh my gosh, you found our booth!” Prim cried out, startling Katniss. “Oh, and you met nurse Mellark!” 

“What?!” The crowd behind Katniss grew restless and annoyed by the second. “I haven’t met any nurses—“

Katniss peered back at the booth suspiciously, expecting to see this nurse her sister spoke so much about, but the only person currently in the booth was the kissable blonde man, watching his sister with arched brows and surprise in his deep blue eyes. 

“Hi, Peeta!” Prim waved, the guy in the booth waved back, but the next person in line stood in front of him, blocking his view.

“Wait…” Katniss pulled Prim further out, before the mob of angry women throttled them, “That man is nurse Mellark?” She asked, pointing back as discreetly as she could; the man was looking at them with badly veiled concern, while still trying to do his job, as host of the smooching booth. “You mean to tell me, the handsome man kissing half the fair is the nurse Mellark you’re always gushing about, with the home baked cookies and the cute little drawings for the oncology patients?” Her gray eyes x-rayed her sister.

“Uh, yeah,” Prim sounded a bit too nonchalant. “He’s amazing, let me tell you,” she sort of mumbled, studying her cuticles. 

“Hey! What did I miss?” Johanna came back munching on a box of nachos, swimming in melted cheese. “Oooh! Elephant ear!” She said, snatching the funnel cake Prim was holding awkwardly. 

“Primrose forgot to mention that her most favorite nurse in the whole world is a HE!” Katniss snapped. 

“What?!”

“What’s so wrong about that? Men can be nurses,” Prim shrugged.

“But you didn’t tell me he was a man!”

“Well, you didn’t tell me you were a sexist pig, Katniss.”

“I am not!” 

Johanna giggled, stuffing her face with fair food. 

“Nurse Mellark is a great care provider who loves children and does his absolute best to bring joy during the worst time of our patients’ lives…What does it matter if he’s a guy? He’s great! What did you expect anyway?” Prim countered defensively, stubbornly.

“I don’t know! An elderly lady, with lots of motherly wisdom or something… I mean, every time you talked about nurse Mellark, you mentioned delicious homemade pastries, and finger paints, and sweet bedtime stories… I never pictured nurse Mellark to be so…”

“Manly,” Johanna finished, looking at the man in the booth, dreamily, finally having caught on. “He’s more of a tall tree trunk I’d like to climb like a koala bear in heat… now where’s my cash, brainless, my lips are ready for some smacking,”

“Johanna!” Katniss growled, but her friend waved her off. A thought occurred to her just then. “Prim…” Katniss whispered into her sister’s ear, “Are you…okay with this?” She said motioning to the 20 or so women in line. “Are you okay with all these people kissing nurse Mellark?” 

Primrose’s lips twitched, “Why wouldn’t I be? This booth was sort of my idea… it was actually more about  Doctor Odair selling the kisses, but nurse Mellark was very good sport, volunteering, ” She rolled her blue eyes. 

“Mmm… I just thought, maybe you had a thing for him?”

“For Peeta?!” Prim said loudly, before laughing hysterically. 

Katniss’ eyes shifted everywhere, and to her chagrin, the man in question— Peeta, apparently— looked up at his name.

“Not so loud!” Katniss hissed, but got interrupted by a booming voice. 

“Ladies, it is time for me to take a break.” Announced nurse Mellark— Peeta— A chorus of disgruntled patrons filled the air, but the man raised his hands placatingly, “Not to worry everyone, my pinch hitter, Doctor Odair, is ready to take over!”

As if by magic, the most attractive man Katniss had ever seen in her life— besides the beautiful male nurse, of course— popped from beside nurse Mellark and a collective swooning sigh rapped over the small crowd. 

Prim laughed. “Come on, I’ll introduce you guys properly. You’re going to love Peeta!”

“Hell no! I’m paying double for the new guy! You gals go ahead,” Johanna called, wolf whistling at the newcomer, waving two dollar bills in the air. 

A moment later, Prim had dragged Katniss to meet her most favorite nurse, secretly crossing her fingers as she made introductions…she thought Peeta and Katniss were perfect for each other, and she wholeheartedly hoped they would kick it off right away, so when she was wrinkly and white haired, she could tell her grand nephews and nieces the story of how their grandma paid a dollar to kiss their grandpa for the very first time. 

[nudesmut]

The Naked Bum, Ch. 4 (M)

Pairing: Jaebum x Mark

Genre: Smut

Warning: Exhibitionism, nudism

Word count: 2839 words

Caught Horny Handed

Jaebum had been in the city for a few months, already loving how much he has dominated many men at this point in time. Though he had never tried to get himself a driver’s license and get around the city in his own car. Typically, he’ll have someone after a good fuck to take him to places, but now he has decided to acquire a car for himself. Getting a car isn’t as easy just as much as driving in one. But he is a very persuasive guy, and unbelievably horny too. He had already arrived at the DMV office, which surprisingly allows nudism to be a staple acceptance in the building. That didn’t bother Jaebum that much, so long as he comes in and signs up for a driver’s license.

Who knew how boring this is, waiting all day and wait for one’s number to be called? After writing down his information, the naked man sat down in one of the opening seats, he spreads his legs a little and starts to jerk himself off to pass the time. Moans were heard from the horny man, as some of the other people around him glanced at him, either disgusted or just plainly watched him. The numbers jumbled on the screen, some have vanished. There wasn’t anyone that caught Jaebum’s attention. But he took his time and continued to motion his hand up and down against the sensitive skin of his big dick.

In the corner of his eye, Jaebum spots a handsome officer who is guarding the side sliding glass doors of the office. He had this sharp jawline and that unique hairstyle. Certaintly he’s not fit to be a police cop, let alone be anything but a model. He looked young, with good hair covered by his cap and has a sweet ass which his tight slacks pressed against it. That made Jaebum stare at the voluptuous shape as his hand worked around his huge cock faster, and was nearing to his release until his number was called. Then he came a few times, thick ropes splatter on the seat before him before standing up and eyes on the officer a bit longer before coming up to the desk. The police man raised a brow, yet also intrigued about this nude guy.

After taking his picture and studying the driver’s handbook, Jaebum spent his time working out in his little gym room and masturbated constantly about the hot officer he saw at the DMV. He certainly was a hot officer to fuck around with. Then a week passed, Jaebum took the test, aced it, and proceeded to get to driving school. Only this time, he has managed to hire a fuck buddy of his who’s also a mechanic to teach him all the kinks and perks on the basics of driving. The nudist is a fast learner, and a hard one when they fucked.

Once the real testing day arrived, Jaebum picked up the man who was going to test him, and was almost shocked by the naked appearance and the huge prick he was sporting with. The nudist smirked as they proceeded with the driving. It was awkward for the passenger, eyeing on his clipboard as he asked to turn a right, a U-turn, to make stops at stop signs, parked at a curb, and so forth. Every once in a while, the driver instructor glanced at the naked man, trying to control himself from getting aroused all at the same time. All the while, Jaebum moaned as he fondled his own sacs while he drove, with one hand on the steering wheel. Finally the instructor had noticed what the nudist was doing, trying to keep his gaze at the man’s face.

“Uhm, Mr. Im. Both hands on the wheel, please,” said the passenger, trying not to look at the muscular man next to him.

Jaebum chuckled, nodding and placed both hands on the wheels. Once they parked at the DMV once more, the instructor had wrote down everything and gave it to Jaebum to look over. He passed. Giving it back, the naked man glanced over, and slowly opened his legs a bit more. The instructor saw this and cleared his throat, glancing over to the nudist’s direction.

“W-What are you doing, Mr. Im?” He asked nervously.

Jaebum smirked. He was already beginning to rub his own abs. “How about a bit of a reward for being the best passenger, hm?” He asked, reaching down to grab his big dick by the base, biting his lower lip in seduction.

The man couldn’t help but feel so aroused at the sight, before giving into the temptation and lunged forward for that aching dick, wrapping his entire hot space around it. Pulling and pushing his head up and down, he started to give a great blowjob on Jaebum’s dick. It made the horny man moan out loud, not realizing that the windows were down. The car began to rumble about as Jaebum placed both hands over the man’s head and fucked his mouth good. The pleasure jolted down on the nudist’s shaft, feeling all the heat around him. More moans spilled as he jutted his hips upwards, making the instructor’s throat gag by the sheer size. The other man almost tried to pull away, but Jaebum’s hand around his hair had prevented him, making him shut his eyes from the water leaking out.

The saliva drooled down on his sacs, as Jaebum lets out a good moan. The nudist felt himself getting close, building up pressure on his already massive dick. “Gonna b-bust…!” He growled and finally unleashes his torrents of cum into the man’s mouth. Pulling away, the nudist grabbed his dick around the base and pumps it to unleash a few more ropes around the man’s face. It was a hot, filthy sight. The instructor could only grin happily, licking off the heavy liquid from his face. “Thanks for testing me, Bambam,” said the nudist with a gratifying smirk.

“Anything for your hot, thick cock, daddy~,” replied the young man, before leaving the car and went back into the DMV to finalize their paperwork. The smell of Jaebum reeked on his clothes, already making the instructor felt all horny again once he reached inside.

The naked man went to the dealership to pick out a good car, which to their surprise, saw how hot Jaebum is. The car that the nudist got was a hot red sports edition, which he couldn’t wait to drive around. While getting through more and more paperwork, the dealer tried to gaze onto the words while writing as the bare man continued to fondle his huge cock, staring at the man before him. It felt truly pleasurable to find such an attractive man like this dealer to be giving him a great car.

“S-Sign here, please, Mr. Im,” the dealer said while turning the paper around and slides it over to the nudist. It was signed, and Jaebum got the car he wanted.

Driving off, he wanted to test out his new shiny vehicle. The naked man stopped at a red light, he bit his lower lip and jerks off feverishly, not caring who he was looking. Then he drove off until he saw the flashing red and blue lights. Much to the nudist’s groan, he had to pull over on the curb. Lowering down his window, his hand was around his still hard cock, waiting for the officer to come by.

Turns out, it was the same police officer as before, the one with the nice perky ass and that same, sharp jawline appeared. This was Jaebum’s opportunity.

“Hello, officer. Did I do something wrong?” Inquired Jaebum, as he was working on himself with a small smirk.

The officer was shocked when he saw the naked man, the same one who was at the DMV. A small bit of arousal was sending signals down his lower region, trying to keep focus on the naked man’s face. He was truly handsome. There were many things he did wrong.

“You… You’re the same guy who was at the DMV a few days ago. You’re naked! And stop masturbating please.” Asked the officer, bending over to make sure he was leveling himself to meet Jaebum’s gaze.

“Okay, officer.” He stopped, but kept his hand around the base firmly.

“First of all, what you’re doing is public decency,” said the officer, shaking his head. “And you went over a stop sign. Twice.”

“Sorry, officer. Are you going to give me a write up on my first day driving?” Asked the naked man, feeling a bit aroused as he started rubbing his own pecs gently.

An insane blush flushed over his cheeks, shaking his head again. “N-No! I mean, hey! I told you stop touching yourself! That’s it, out of the car and put your hands behind your head,” ordered the officer, slowly backing up from the vehicle.

Jaebum sighed and gets off the car before placing his hands over his head. His entire body is completely bare to the officer’s eyes, already lowering his gaze down to that extremely large cock swinging between his legs. Once he stood up completely, the officer tries to look away from all that nudity.

“Wow. Alright, now turn around and press yourself against the vehicle—“

Suddenly, Jaebum was right behind him, his hands over that glorious ass, his face right beside the officer’s ear. He could feel the heat coming from the naked man, as his ass cheeks were being touched and groped. A soft moan was heard from the nudist. There was a hint of dominance radiating from Jaebum, and somehow the officer liked it.

“Sorry, I don’t want to ordered by some officer. But you have a great ass, Mark.” He groaned, his throbbing dick was pressing against that volumptious plump of clothed flesh. The officer blinked, trying to pull himself off from the nude man behind him. "How did you know my-- oh my badge. Hey! Get off me! I'm straight!" But Jaebum was the stronger one, flushing their bodies more until he had the officer pressed against his vehicle. The smell of sex reeked from Jaebum's muscled body, as the officer struggles to release himself.

"Really? You don't look like a straight guy. I'll make sure I give you a write up, baby." Taking one of the handcuffs, the naked man had took a moment to bind Mark's hands and wrists and placed them above his head, cuffing them together. "Now you won't have to struggle so much."

The officer was surprised how fast this was going. He was intoxicated by the smell of lust, at the same time he felt his own erection beginning to tent up in his pants. It was pressing too hard against the fine, tight fabrics. The officer looked over, wanting to say something, "U-Ugh... P-Please unbuckle me..." The nudist took it as he wanted to remove his pants down, which he did so by pulling them down after unbuttoning them. He smirked, biting his lower lip, as that ass was now shown to him. It was so remarkable, and plump that it made his own dick grew an even bigger size.

"Damn, officer. What do you want me to do with this great ass of yours?" he asked, giving it a big spank, watching the skin ripple throughout. God that turned him and the officer on too. Mark could only shut his eyes and moaned before gripping to whatever he could find on the car. "G-God please! I want that fucking big dick of yours... Please, please!" Moans were heard from the officer, trying to shake his ass towards Jaebum.

The nudist was stroking his throbbing dick when he heard those words, standing right before Mark who was bound and already turned on by the hot scene. "I don't want to take you dry, baby. Let me prep you up first." He got down for a moment, opening those two cheeks and allowed his wet muscle to dark through that pink, tight hole. The taste was so addicting, lapping over the entrance. Mark was moaning messily, tilting his head up and bit his lower lip and tries not to get caught like this. Jaebum hummed in joy, still darting his tongue back and forth before standing up and finally lined his big head and pushes himself in. The tightness was constricting the massive size, as Mark yelled out in pleasure. "Oh fuck...! I'm fucking in love with your ass, baby..." Jaebum growled, smacking the ass once more as he pushes himself further.

The size was too much, and the pain strikes at every corner of the officer's body. Once the nudist was inside, he begins to move, snapping his hips back and forth, driving his huge cock in deeper at every thrust. It was an arousing sight, having the naked man fucking an officer in the middle of the street as cars passed by. Some of the drivers slowed down slightly to see what was going on. Mark bends over a bit more, showing more of that perk ass, but his upper uniform prevented him from doing anything flexible. "You love my big cock inside of you, babe? You got the greatest ass ever. I wanna be inside of you all the time..."

Jaebum continued to thrust deeper, watching his already enlarged length stretching every part of the officer's insides. He was holding onto Mark's hips to hoist his body up a little. The pain subsided, and Mark could only feel pleasure. It was numbing him out from the pain, as the naked man continued to fuck every bit of that ass. "Fuck, daddy! Oh shit, your dick is so huge... G-God, fuck me... fuck me harder!!" And the naked man complied, feeling all the pleasures coursing through his muscled body. Seeing that neglected cock of Mark, Jaebum reached over and started to play with his nice, thick length on his hand, which doubled the pleasure for the officer.

Then the naked man was about to cum, growling into his ear. He was pounding the man senselessly, his car had been rocking itself once again. "Do you want my cum? Admit it... You want my cum don't you, officer?" the naked man asked, as the officer responded with a fast nod. "Yes... Please give it to me! Can I cum too, daddy?" Then Jaebum finally juts his hips forward, already spurting out so much cum that some have leaked out from his ass, but Jaebum didn't stop thrusting. The officer moaned out loud, saying the nudist's name and his own thick cock was spurting out cum on his seats. It was a great orgasm. Mark was huffing from the mild heat and their intense fucking.

Glancing over, Jaebum saw the police car parked right behind his car. Jaebum had an idea. Pulling away, he grabs Mark, forcing him to remove his pants from his ankles and takes him over towards the front of the police car. "W-What are you doing?" asked Mark, who was still binded. Then the officer had his entire body pressed onto the hood. Looking over his shoulder, Jaebum who was happened to still be hard again was walking towards him, stroking himself as he came up to him. "That camera over there records everything right? Since it just recorded our fuck session, you get to watch it by yourself or with your other officers, so then they can see how much of a slut you really are for my big dick."

The thought aroused Mark, shuddering at the idea of what Jaebum was doing. He thought the naked man was done. "I-I won't give you a write up... But... oh... shit..." he saw the huge, throbbing cock of Jaebum, smelling him once again. Jaebum grinned wickedly, and had ejaculated once more from all that stroking and lathered up Mark's body and face with his excessive cumming. "I thought you were done..."

The nudist shook his head reaching over to grab Mark's hair and slapped his musky, filthy big dick over his lips. "Nope. Open that mouth of yours like a good officer slut."

[mrsmaxwelllord]

Baby

Pairing: Comandante Veracruz x Reader.

Summary: After hating him for a long time, Veracruz shows that he has good qualities.

Word Count: 2,4k

Warnings: Veracruz is a dick, cursing, choking, spitting, a bit of humiliation, recording, dom/sub dynamics, oral (male receiving), rough sex.

A/N: I don’t know anything about this man, really. But I’m sure he’s mean and provocative, that’s what I wrote this fic based on. I’m just horny, hope you guys forgive me!

 If there was one thing that you hated the most, it was self-righteous men. Unfortunately, they seemed to follow you everywhere.

 When you accepted the job as assistant you didn’t think you’d be introduced to the most annoying man alive, yet now you have to deal with him every day. The building you worked in had many horrible men, yet Comandante Veracruz managed to be the most arrogant, egoistic colleague of them all. However, you knew exactly why you despited him so much.

  Veracruz was a good looking man — a very good looking man. And against all the logical thinking and prudent reasons telling you he was an asshole and that you should get away from him, you  couldn’t deny yourself a good look at him every now and then. You hoped it was just because of the dark bulletproof vest and uniform he always had on; after all, not even you were immune to the charm of a good uniform.

 The attraction you felt for him was undeniable, but you’d go mad before getting involved with the man that always took a minute of his day to simply piss you off. He usually would approach you to get an important file hidden in the whereabouts of the messy data room and you’d complied - it was your job, after all - then he’d talk some nonsense and call you baby. 

 You wasn’t his fucking baby.

 Then, one beautiful Wednesday, he got a field mission and didn’t show up until the next Monday. You never had such peaceful work days before, everything seemed to go smoothly and not a single problem interfered with you. No bullshit, no headache and no silly argument.

 Feeling relieved for a good four days, you even thought that all the attachment was something made up by your mind. You couldn’t possibly feel the hots for Comandante Veracruz, the man who you know for sure is in some unfilled dark shit. The man that kills and does anything to get away from consequences. The man that had already betrayed his co-workers — this part was just a rumour, but you didn’t completely discredited it.

 On Sunday, before sleeping, you thought about every bad thing you knew about him and what he would be doing all the weeknd — yet you couldn’t help the butterflies on your stomach when a hand touched and pleasured your most sensitive part. The next day came with the familiar guilt, but that soon gave space to anger when Comandante Veracruz walked through the door and not even looked at you.

 Monday came with its usual headache and pile of files and documents to organise too. The employees were more impatient but so was you, then the anger you usually saved for the bickering with Veracruz was gone by the afternoon. You were so tired of everything that you didn’t even realize it was way past the end of your shift until you put the last file in its place.

 You were putting your things together to go home, when you heard someone opening the door. You took a deep breath before turning around. “I’m sorry, buddy, but I’m closing the room now. You’ll have to wait till tomorrow to get whatever documents you need.”

 "Can’t you make an exception for me?“

 You changed the weight to your right leg and snorted when Veracruz stopped right across your desk. 

 "No, I cannot” you replied, already getting angry again. Veracruz had his arms crossed over his chest and you realised this was the first time you saw him without the bulletproof vest and gun. Unfortunately, the bastard was handsome still with bags under his eyes and civil clothes. “You’ll have to wait. Let’s go.”

 You walked away from him, trying to get to the door when his big hands held your arm preventing you from continuing.

 You didn’t know why it surprised you, but his face didn’t express anything - his dark brown eyes glistened with something new, but that was it. His relaxed instance managed to infuriate you. How dare him send you mad and still be unmoved?

 "Why are you so nervous, baby?“

 You yanked your arm out of his grip and looked deep in his eyes. "I’m not your fucking baby!”

 It seemed to do the trick because Comandante Veracruz then laughed, but it wasn’t genuine - more a short sarcastic laugh. Your eyebrows furrowed and your jaw clenched. You wanted to punch him so bad!

 "Are you not?“ he demanded, walking towards you, you took a few steps back until you felt the wall on your back. He only stopped when his face was very close, breathing you in, without looking away. You pressed your hand firmly against the wall, trying to leverage yourself since your legs didn’t seem to be working now. "Because I feel like that’s why you’re so nervous.”

 His fingertips touched the side of your leg, slowly rising to your waist. The bastard smirked when you bit your lower lip, pulling you against his body. “You’re nervous because you know deep down that you ache for me exactly like I do for you.”

 He bent down and traced your cheek with the tip of his exquisite nose, pecking you. His other hand he used to uplift your chin, holding you surprisingly soft.

 "But you won’t accept this, will you?“ he asked, sneaking his thighs between yours, whispering. "You won’t accept the truth because you’re afraid of me corrupting you, am I right?”

 Veracruz moved you by the hip, making your cloth-covered cunt thrust up on his muscular thigh. You swallowed hard, then involved his neck with your arms.

 "Answer me!“ he demanded and you finally gathered courage to look him in the eye.

 "You can’t corrupt me” you smiled sheepishly at him. “I’m already defiled.”

 He tightened the grip on your chin, then brought his hand down to your neck, slightly squeezing it. He was truly smiling.

 "So you won’t mind if I do this?“ Veracruz questioned before sealing your mouth with a kiss. His kiss was demanding and hungry, making your head turn a bit so he could have better access to the inside of your lips and tongue. You moaned into it, but it soon ended.

 When you looked up at him, he was smirking at you. You then realized in what situation he left you in.

 Hips still pressing up and down on him, hands grabbing his hair and pulling his now half open bottom-up shirt, lips swollen from the kiss. Completely dumbstruck.

 You stopped the movement and tried to push him away, but his hands quickly pinned them on the wall above your head. 

 "Wanna be a big girl? Fine, I’ll treat you like one.”

You really thought about spitting on him, but something about it made you realise he’d probably be into it so you just allowed him to push your skirt up and squeeze your ass unmercifully. You wanted to groan and let him know just how much it hurted, how nice it felt, but you couldn’t let go of your pride.

 You still hated the man, a voice in your head screamed. And it was right. Comandante Veracruz was the same bastard and all the inches of you wished you could slap his pretty face and make him beg for your touch, but that wasn’t the time. You were too lost in the pleasure to have any reasonable thought.

 He squeezed you again, harder this time, and bit your neck. This time you couldn’t hold the moan back.

 "That’s better, baby" he whispered then, kissing the sensitive spot he hurted and slapping your ass playfully.

 "You fucking asshole!“ you cursed, half-hearted trying to free your hands. He actually let go and when you didn’t know what to do with them, Veracruz laughed at you.

 You felt embarrassed, squeezing his shoulders tight, then you spat in his face. It landed below his left eye, close to his nose. He suddenly stopped laughing and looked you dead in the eyes, not a bit amused as you first thought.

 He grunted and held your jaw tight, tighter than his previous grip, and smiled diabolically.

 "Clean it. Now” he ordered, not an ounce of hesitation on his voice. You bet this is the voice he used with his subordinates, you didn’t like to think he’d use this tone with you forever. Yet, you did it as you were told when he brought your face close to his.

 Slowly lickings the saliva off, giving him a quick peck where the spit first landed. You felt humiliated, but you did like the control he had on you.

 "Good. It wasn’t hard, was it?“ he whispered in your ear, kissing and nibbling. His hand still had a steel grip on your neck and the other on your butt, squeezing you softly.

 "Sorry” you whimper, very low so that he could barely hear it.

 He hushed you, humming when he felt your hand caressing his hair. Both of his hands go to your breasts and he worked on them through the clothes, when he kissed you on the lips again.

 "Now is the time to apologize" he murmured against your lips, squeezing you hard. You moaned loud, then he pulled you to your desk and sat on the chair.

 "Kneel" he demanded and you could only arched your eyebrows.

 "Are you serious?“

 "Now.” His voice is as serious as before, so you obeyed. “Take off your clothes, but let your pantie on.”

 You snorted, crossing your arms.

 "Fuck you, there is cameras here! I can’t-“

 "You’ll have to trust me on this. I promise that the only recording tape will be in your hands tomorrow afternoon” Veracruz swore and he looked serious. You didn’t have any proof he was telling you the truth, yet you wanted to believe him.

 "I’m going to kill you if this spread around the office!“

 "I’d like to see you try” he mocked you, but relaxed into the chair. “C'mon, baby, we don’t have all the time in the world.”

 The last piece of clothing fell on the ground and he was already ordering you again. “Spread your legs wider. Hands on my thighs.”

 "Bossy!“ you complained, but obeyed him. His hand worked on his trousers, opening the zipper and freeing his dick. You bit your lip. You didn’t want to look at his dick for too long because suddenly you don’t feel so brave anymore; you would never inflame his pride even more by telling him that he was big, but you felt a bit afraid of what he’d do to you. He wasn’t gentle, this much you knew.

 Although everything you thought about Veracruz, he ended up being soft in the beginning. Holding you by the hair and slowly working his way down your throat, it just didn’t last long.

 "Oh, that’s the defiled girl you talked about earlier?” he grunted while you sucked him, taking all of him in deep and slowly. “That’s not half of what I pretend to do with you, Baby." 

 You craved your nails on his thighs through the trousers he was still wearing, you were sure he’d have five little crescent moons on both of his legs but he didn’t seem to mind it. He was too busy grunting and pulling your hair and thrusting up - making you gag.

 You moaned against him and he moaned right back. "My dirty baby, I bet that you are enjoying this too. Am I right? Play with your clit.”

 You did it, whimpering and wishing it could be him. The warmth in your cunt aching to be touched.

 Veracruz increased the speed of his thrusting up and you thought he would cum, but he just kept the pace. Out of breath he looked down at you and, when he found your eyes on him, he raised your face out of his dick to kiss you.

 He was all teeth and tongue. Holding your hair at the back of your head and caressing your breast. It was good, but you needed more so you sat on his lap and started to move on his thigh, wetting it with your juices.

 "My desperate little thing. My dove!“ Veracruz murmured on your lips. "So needy!”

 He grabbed your hips and forced you into a very rough pace, grinding you on the harsh material of his trousers. You moaned into it, arching your back.

 "I need more" you begged him. “I need you to fuck me.”

 "How will you have me?“ he whispered in your ear, nibbling it.

 "On my desk!”

 "Should I fuck you from behind, baby? Is that what you want? My dick on your tight little…“

 "No!” you cried. “I want you to fuck looking at me! I want you to choke me!" 

 "You don’t need to say any other word, baby” Veracruz grunted. Carrying you to your desk, laying you on some filles. He didn’t take your pantie off, instead he pushed it to the side and touched your swollen clit with his fingertips.

 You were glistening with want and he couldn’t look away from your spread legs and cunt in wonder. 

 "Look at you. The prettiest cunt I’ve even seen.“ You already were whimpering from his touches.

 "I’m ready.”

 "You don’t look like the angry person I saw earlier, baby. Was that what you needed? A good fuck?“

 "You haven’t fucked me yet… Oh” you moaned loudly.

 There wasn’t anything merciful about the way he was thrusting up on you, the grip on your hip didn’t let you move away from him and although he hasn’t got anywhere near your neck the bruising pace was enough to take you breath away.

 "How does it feel?“ pinning your hands above your head once again, laying all his weight on you. His fingers found you neck but they didn’t really squeezed it, not that you could focus on anything beside his dick fucking you and his kisses. "How does it feel to be getting fucked in your little data room, baby? With a camera recording every piece of you?”

 Oh, well.

 “Open your mouth” he demanded and when you did he spat on your lips, like you had done previously. You moaned together this time, messily kissing each other.

 His pace increased and you felt tears falling down your face, Veracruz kissed them away. You were so close and what finally sent you over the edge was his harsh bit on your breast.

 You whimpered loudly, choking on air. When his hands let go of yours, you used them to grab him by the hair and shoulder and push him away. 

 "What?“ he asked, but you didn’t reply - just pushed him so you could turn around.

 "I want you to fuck me from behind now.”

 He grunted loudly but didn’t lose any time. His pace was more erratic and he moaned and bit your shoulder more than he said anything. You were starting to feel ecstatic again when he played with your clit and pulled you flush against his body by squeezing your neck hard.

 "Are you coming again or not?“ he asked and it was all it took for you to fall apart again.

 The next day around your lunch break he visited you, the recorded tape on his hands.

 "If you ever need someone to watch it with you, I’m in, baby” he mocked, getting close enough to place a curl of hair behind your ear. “In the meantime i’d love to have lunch with you.”

[waywardwrestlewritingwaif]

In a Parallel Universe

Could it be... fluff? The happy, uplifting tone of this can entirely be credited to Mustafa as a muse. I truly believe the man should be held up as an example of how to be a good human and how to be masculine without it becoming toxic. (The way he is treated by WWE, much like that other paragon of positive masculinity Sami Zayn, is something I can angrily rant about another time.) 

Pairing: Mustafa Ali x reader (platonic)

Word count: 2,659

Content advisory: Racism/ racist language

“Did you ever have a thing for me?”

Your eyes widen in shock as you look back at Mustafa, your best friend, wondering if you’ve heard him correctly. He’s looking at you with those big, ingenuous eyes, as if he’s just asked you if you’ve decided what you want for dinner. In all the time you’ve known each other you’ve never once brought up the subject of romantic interest or physical attraction and yet here he is, just throwing it out there. 

You’re watching your daughters collaborate on a colouring project that might as well be “Guernica” for how seriously they’re taking it. 

The bell-like laughter of his wife and mother-in-law is drifting in from the back patio where they’re taking some much-needed time alone together. 

You’re waiting on your husband Jake, who’s already sent four apologetic texts about how the Saturday he’s been called into work keeps dragging on, promising that he’ll be there as soon as he can, but that he doesn’t expect you to hold up the barbeque just for him. (Even though he knows you will.)

You laugh a little and squint at him, as if what he’s asked is somehow ridiculous. But it’s not ridiculous. Two heterosexual people who’ve been close friends for so long… it would almost be weird if there hadn’t been any sexual tension. Nevertheless, you think of just rolling your eyes and blowing the subject off. It would be easy enough to do. But his unwavering earnestness has always demanded respect and honesty and it’s possible that he knows the answer already. You certainly do. 

“I guess,” you begin, aware that your voice is wavering a little, “early on. I had a bit of a crush.”

Is that the truth? In as much as feeling can be summed up in so few words, yes. It wasn’t like you’d been pining and crying yourself to sleep at night, but sure, you’d felt it. You’d approached him to ask if you could train with him after the two of you had worked a few of the same local shows where the wrestlers outnumbered the audience members. Yes, you’d been beyond impressed with his skills but you’d also noticed how very, very cute he was.

“I mean, everyone did,” you assure him. “All the girls liked you.”

Not all the girls had your confidence or your desire to really break in to the wrestling world, though. So you’d been the one to steel yourself and walk up to him at the gym one night and ask if he’d help you. It was a calculated risk, you figured: he could refuse, he could give it a shot and get bored or irritated and walk away, he could help you become a better wrestler even if he wasn’t interested in more, he could feel your skills were hopeless but also decide you were attractive enough to pursue, or he could want to be both a training partner and something more. Five possible outcomes, three of which worked in your favour. You’d always been clever with numbers and the numbers clearly gave you a better than even chance of a positive result. 

He laughs shyly and looks down at the idea that “all the girls” had found him attractive. It’s not that he’s ever been insecure about his looks and charm, exactly, but he’s never been the sort of arrogant prick who’s assumed everyone must be in love or lust with him. And that’s always been part of his charm; confident enough not to seem needy but humble enough to appreciate the attention. 

Of course, you’ve always been a little surprised that he doesn’t have more of an ego. The luscious mane of black hair, the smile that could power a small city, the toned body that never crossed into that lumpy, bulgy look that too many of your counterparts developed, and most of all those huge, soulful eyes… The man was infuriatingly flawless and even now it’s not like you are immune to the occasional whisper of desire.  

“Shit. I never did anything to hurt you, did I?”

And then there was the personality. Mustafa had always been too great of a guy to be real. He’d been your rock. Whenever things ground you down, he was the one who could build you up again. When you got angry and depressed at the state of the world, he’d commiserate but he’d also be able to give you hope, if only because a world that produced someone as awesome as he was couldn’t be all bad. 

You could honestly say that without him, you’d never have fought your way out of the indies and into the big leagues. That wasn’t just because training with him made you a stronger, better wrestler. It was because the two of you had been able to lean on each other when things were rough. And damn, things had been rough at times. 

When the two of you had graduated from bar shows for disinterred old men drinking watered-down beer and playing slot machines, you’d been beyond excited. The shows you got invited to took place in gymnasiums and legion halls and church basements with actual audiences who had come specifically to watch the wrestling. You knew it wasn’t the big time; you were excited, not stupid. But it was progress and a lot of people you knew hadn’t even made it that far. You’d grounded yourselves by talking about your meager pay and by calculating how much you’d earned per bruise at each show. 

One of the larger, or at least more successful promotions that had booked you had provided an eye-opening experience. The promoter was a corpulent man with a mouth full of lumps that barely counted as teeth and breath to match. He’d called both two of you aside a few hours before your first show to tell you the gimmick that he had in mind for the two of you. It had come as a bit of a surprise because although you were friends, you’d never teamed up in the ring. You’d reveled in being the foul-mouthed heel, while he had, of course, been a natural baby face. (And if you were honest, so few people knew who you were that your characters hadn’t ever mattered.)

“I wanna do a thing with the two of you,” the promoter began, sweat already dampening his forehead and staining the armpits of his cheap shirt. “You two are gonna be like a pair of terrorists. You can fight all the American guys- and girls- and get them over with the crowd. Get the audience riled up.”

The two of you had stared back at him in horror, jaws slack. 

“I’m thinking something like ‘Osama and Elle Qaeda’ for your names.” His brow furrowed as he processed another idea. “Can you come up with some shit to yell in Arabic?”

You remembered thinking that it must be some kind of joke. Al Qaeda and Osama bin Laden were products of the Arabian Peninsula. Mustafa’s parents were Pakistani and Indian. Yours were Kurds from southern Turkey. Not one of your parents even spoke Arabic. But more to the point, the two of you were American. You were both born and bred in Chicago. Neither of you had any hint of an accent. Why couldn’t you just be normal? 

The promoter looked at you impatiently. Mustafa recovered his voice enough to stammer through an explanation of your ethnicity, only to be greeted with a look of supreme indifference and boredom. 

“Look,” he said sharply, “it doesn’t matter. You have the look. Around here you’re all sand ni-“

Remembering that night still hurts. The pain has dulled over time because at the moment he’d said it, it felt like you’d been shot in the chest. For a few moments you’d been afraid that you were actually going to vomit. Growing up in a racially mixed area, your features and your family name had been ambiguous enough that people thought that people usually guessed that you were Greek or Italian before they got to Turkish or even broadly Middle Eastern. You’d been proud to declare that you were descended from the little-known but courageous and resilient Kurds. But out here in the wider world, you were an Arab and therefore a terrorist. The Indian subcontinent, birthplace of so many cultures, arts, religions and philosophies, crossroads of empires, might as well have never existed. Mustafa was an Arab and therefore a terrorist. 

Seeing what he perceived as hesitation, the promoter scowled at both of you. “Give it a shot,” he counseled. “It’s the only way people are gonna take you seriously.”  

You and Mustafa smile at each other, as if you’ve both been recalling the painful judgments you’d faced together, as if you’re amazed you survived let alone flourished. You’d pulled each other through. 

“I’d always kind of wondered if you’d ever liked me,” he says shyly. 

Yes, you think, you had. You were a tall, muscular girl. It had made sense that you work with a male training partner. So he’d been happy to work with you and you were thrilled to be able to learn from him. You felt yourself improving every time you practiced together. But your mind had often drifted to how it would feel to have his arms wrapped around you in other circumstances. More than once you’d been tempted to close the scant distance between your lips just to see how he’d react. 

“I liked you,” he adds, eyes snapping up to see your reaction. 

You do your best to mask your shock. “You did?”

“Sure. C’mon, look at you.”

Your mouth feels a little dry. The sounds from the patio have faded and even the children have fallen silent. 

“Maybe not right away because I thought you were kind of scary, to be honest,” he chuckles. “But after we’d been hanging around, I don’t know, about a year or so, I really liked you.”

You can’t help but laugh at the idea that you were scary. Maybe you’d thought you could be scary to some of the smaller, less experienced women you’d fought. But to someone on your level both skill-wise and vertically? No. 

“I’m serious. I wasn’t desperate or anything but I remember thinking a lot about what might have happened if I’d made a move.”

You wonder about the math in your head. You hadn’t entertained those thoughts about him for all that long. Sure he was hot, but as you’d risen through the ranks together, he’d quickly come to seem like a brother. The idea of the two of you being a couple had started to seem weird. You’d thought about it less the longer you spent together, so it was strange for you to think that as you’d gotten over your initial crush, he’d begun thinking of you in that way.

Your shared reverie is interrupted as his little girl climbs into his lap, sour-faced and frustrated that she’s running out of brown crayons. The work of art that your girls are creating relies heavily on earth tones for the ground, for the tree trunks and bushes, and, you note happily, for the different faces of the people occupying the epic landscape they’ve made. There are all sorts of shades of people and there just aren’t enough brown crayons to build the different tones. 

Your daughter purses her lips in a look of stubborn determination you’ve come to know all too well. She’s grabbed red crayons, orange crayons, yellow crayons, green crayons, whatever she can get her hands on to colour in her people. She’s as upset as her friend that there aren’t enough browns but she would never let on. As ridiculous as it seems, you’re actually a little intimidated by just how headstrong she is. Now that she’s learned the alphabet, she seems like she’s about ready to move out and start kicking ass. 

She casts a quick glance in your direction and you have to hold back a gasp at her fierce, beautiful eyes. Looking at her face, you’re gob smacked by the idea that something that gorgeous came out of you. It’s like looking at the sun. It’s even stranger to think that she could be the product of the wild, all-encompassing lust that you and your husband had- still have- for each other. How could something that seemed so deliciously sinful produce something so perfect?

You glance back at Mustafa, whose attention is now completely absorbed in his daughter’s lecture on the need for more brown crayons. She’s articulate far beyond her years and you hope beyond hope that years of school won’t convince her to hide her intelligence the way girls of your generation did. 

It’s possible that there was a time when your desire for Mustafa and his for you overlapped, that there was an opening when the two of you could have touched lips and fallen into each other as if nothing else in the world existed. The two of you would probably have been a power couple in the industry. Your dazzling combination of skills would have been irresistible. With the way your families have come to love the both of you, it’s likely they would have moved beyond the cultural differences that absolutely do exist, no matter what some ignorant arsehole might have told you when he insisted you were both Arab terrorists. 

And it is most definitely possible that the two of you would be sitting in a living room just like this, embracing as you observed your children colouring or playing video games, or chasing each other around with rubber swords, or, worst of all, trying to emulate what they saw their parents doing on television. And perhaps as you watched, you’d look at each other and touch lips with all the tenderness in your souls and you would be filled to the point of bursting with happiness. 

But then there would be no…

There would be no Jake, the man who made you realize what true, unadulterated love really was. You would never have had someone make you laugh the way that he can, make you laugh so much that your ribs ache for hours. There would never have been the man who taught you how to curse in Irish or how to snowboard. And you would not have your daughter, so filled with her father’s sarcasm and stubbornness. 

For that matter, you would never have had Mustafa’s wife as your friend. When Jake had been hit by a car while riding his bike to work, you would not have had her comforting arms and her voice to pull you through the agonizing days when doctors cautioned you not to be too hopeful about his prognosis. You would never have had that feeling of someone strong enough to hold you up yet tender enough to nurture you through the pain. 

A few hours later, the gang of you are gathered around the picnic-style table in the back yard. Mustafa, his wife, her parents, you, Jake, his brother who’s been run ragged by his job more than any of you, and, of course, your children. You’re all laughing so hard that it’s a legitimate danger that the neighbours will call the police with a noise complaint. You make a clever joke and Jake, impressed by your wit as he always is, presses a light kiss against your neck. You feel the familiar thrill move through you, suddenly thinking that it’s time to wind things down and head home. Just for a second, your eyes connect with Mustafa’s and there is this perfect, still moment when you can see that there could be an alternate universe where the two of you would be together, something that might have been better or worse or neither. But then the moment is passed, and you’re once again back in this universe with the lives that you love.

[fictional-affliction]

Strip Me Down

(Alternate tite “I’m In Lust With a Stripper”)

Words: 2,710

Rating: M/E 

I know I’ve been a bit m.i.a as far as posting and stuff goes, so I hope whatever the heck this is that my brain puked up, makes up for it. Also, yes, it’s an au where Duncan is a stripper, I know I’m trash. 

She should had never agreed to come to this bachelorette party. Bridgette was her best friend from childhood and had been there for her through thick and thin but this isn’t what Courtney had in mind when it came to returning the favor.

She was shocked that Bridgette would ever want to come to a strip club to begin with. Her and Geoff had been together practically since they were teenagers. Sure they had a few breakups over the years that lasted less than a week, but they proved time and time again that they were happiest when joined at the hip, or mouth. So when Geoff finally proposed and Courtney began to fulfill her maid of honor duties and plan Bridgette’s bachelorette party, Courtney asked what Brigette wanted for the occasion. She never expected this.

Courtney  raised her glass and knocked back the second round of tequila shots they’d ordered so far that night. Bridgette was absolutely beaming in her bachelorette sash and tiara, already giggling from the alcohol.

“Are you sure Geoff’s okay with this?” Courtney asked after sucking on a lime and winced a bit as the alcohol burned down her throat.

“As long as there’s no touching he’s cool with it. I had to assure him repeatedly that it’s just for the experience of it and that his body is better than any stripper’s.” Geoff did take great pride in his physique.

Courtney sighed, she wanted Bridgette to have fun, truly, but part of her hoped that she would have changed her mind at the last minute. The other ladies in the bridal party didn’t seem to have any qualms about throwing handfuls of singles at half naked men. Then again, Courtney was considered the prude of the group and stuck out dressed in a blouse almost buttoned up to her neck.

As music flooded the room and different scantily dressed men took the stage, Courtney sat back in her chair let the other girls be the ones to scream and shell out cash. She still watched the show though. She couldn’t pass up ogling attractive men showing off their assets.

It was a lot of the same after a while and when her work phone vibrated, Courtney diverted her attention to her email. Because of this she didn’t really register the rock music that came on next, or how some ladies in the crowd got inexplicably louder, it wasn’t until Bridgette’s cousin, Brooke was nudging Courtney that she looked at what the fuss was about.

Oh...

“I fucking love guys with tattoos, can I have your cash?” Courtney wordlessly handed it over to Brooke without taking her eyes away from the man on stage.

Her eyes raked over his toned but not overly muscular body. His strong arms lead to broad shoulders that were only highlighted by the colored lights bouncing off of the stage. She found herself staring at how his stomach muscles were framed by that perfect v shape. She avoided fanning herself and regretted dressing so warmly.

The ink all over his body was something that she’d vocally frowned upon. She was taught tattoos and piercings weren’t a lifestyle choice for those with lucrative professions, but secretly Courtney thought on the right person they were sexy. They teased a rebellion that she never could indulge in.

He exemplified everything she could never be allowed to want but fantasized about. Shamelessly she watched him strut his stuff on the stage with a smirk that said he knew how hot he was. What could it hurt to give into carnal urges and lustfully gaze at him, it’s what he was being paid for. His vivid teal eyes and killer smile was enough to make her bite lip till it hurt.

The other girls in the bridal party whistled and waved their money in the air when he took off his pants reveling the tight briefs underneath. Her face heated up when he danced his way over to their section. The girls cheered him on except Courtney who sat back with Bridgette.

She felt so dirty staring at a man she didn’t know like he was a piece of meat and she was a starving lioness.

Then he locked eyes with her right as she licked her upper lip.

Quickly, Courtney diverted her attention to her phone, extremely embarrassed. She held her breath while her heartbeat pounded in her ears louder than the booming music. If she just looked down for the rest of his act then maybe she could walk away with some shred of dignity tonight.

“Court...” Bridgette said from her side.

“Mhmm.” Courtney pretended to be drafting an email.

“He’s looking at you.”

“He’s looking at everyone.” She played it off. Bridgette’s hand lifted her chin and gave her no choice.

“No, he’s looking at you...” Dollar bills were flying in his direction and he still gave the audience what they came there for but his gaze was directed right at Courtney. She raised her eyebrows in question, her face now on fire.

In turn he winked at her.

“I’m going to get another drink.” Courtney made up an reason to excuse herself. Bridgette didn’t bother reminding her that her current drink was only half empty.

The bar provided a safer distance for Courtney to watch from. Far enough away that she didn’t feel like she was the one on display. If he was bothered by her exit it didn’t show, he continued to thrust and roll his hips in fashion that gave way to what he could do with them in the bedroom. Courtney crossed her legs and ignored how turned on she was getting. Matters only became worse when he ended his routine by pulling down his underwear and giving the audience a peak at his ass.

Damn he had a great ass.

Courtney chugged the last bit of her red wine before ordering another.

———

Later, bachelorette party sat in a booth, most of them fairly intoxicated, while going on about the different strippers they’d seen. A large chunk of the conversation being about how explicitly they’d have their way with each of them.

Courtney checked her watch, noting that it was past midnight which meant it was getting closer to calling it a night.

“C’mon Court, at least try to have some fun.” Bridgette begged and bumped her with her shoulder.

“I am having fun.” Courtney tried convincing her but Bridgette knew her better than that.

“That one guy was definitely checking you out, you should go home with him.”  

“Bridgette!” Courtney almost choked on her drink at the suggestion.

“What? It’s been like a year since you’ve been laid.” Courtney kicked Brigette hard under the table, when she saw someone approaching their table. It was as if her talking about him summoned him to their booth.

“How’d you ladies enjoy the show tonight?” He asked in his deep tenor that made the hairs on the back of Courtney’s neck stand on end. The other occupants at their table exclaimed their praises, the liquor making them bold.

“Anything more private I can do for anyone?” He cocked his head toward the back of the club where there were secluded rooms designated for one on one time. Courtney felt his eyes burning through her but Bridgette’s cousin Brooke eagerly spoke up.

“You should just come back to our hotel.” She suggested with a forward hand on his bicep. Courtney watched his face and felt a sense of victory at the small hint of disappointment that crossed his features before smiling.

“Sorry babe, I don’t do house calls...anymore.” Courtney couldn’t imagine what that must entail.

“Actually, my friend over here would love a lap dance.” Bridgette interrupted and wrapped an arm around Courtney’s shoulders. Courtney balked and pushed Bridgette away.

“Oh no, I’m good.”

“I’m the bride and you have to do what I say!” The girls cheered at Bridgette’s demand showing their approval. Courtney came up with an excuse.

“I gave all my cash my Brooke.” Bridgette then reached into her purse and pulled out a large wad of cash.

“I’ve got you covered.” Courtney had never seen Bridgette smile so evilly in her life. “You know you want to.”

“Yeah you know you want to...”The stripper looked her up and down. She did want to, she was single and he was hot. She had no reason to object other than her own self consciousness. The party of girls began chanting her name to egg her on, adding pressure and fueling her frustration toward them. Finally, with her heart in her throat, she scowled and stood. With a death glare at Bridgette, Courtney grabbed the stripper’s hand and dragged him toward the back of the club.

——— They entered a room secluded by a curtain that blocked them from prying eyes. It was small but cozy and decorated with a few leather couches. The red lights glowed above hem and the sensual music that played set the mood for what usually happened in there. Courtney was relieved that it wasn’t a sex den equipped with whips and chains. She turned around to tell him nothing would be happening in there but he was right behind her. Courtney’s eyes widened. Their chest were almost touching and he was close enough for her to see the light sheen of sweat glistening on his skin.

Of their own accord Courtney’s eyes wandered from his face to his chest where his nipple ring caught the light, down to his abs, even to his groin and back up again. When she looked back to his face there was a gleam in his eyes and a corner of his mouth was turned up. Courtney immediately felt humiliation take over and that familiar feeling of her face on fire.

“Sorry...” Courtney took a step back.

“I like the way you stare. I liked it on stage too.”

“I bet you say that to every girl.”

“I do, but with you I actually mean it.” He didn’t break eye contact and Courtney found it hard to catch her breath. He gestured over to one of the sofas against a wall.

“Have a seat...”

She could do this, she was a strong independent woman who had taken on high profile court cases. She thrived in a male dominated career. She lived alone in a big city and took care of herself. There shouldn’t be any reason why she couldn’t get a lap dance from an attractive man without looking like a complete spazz. And yet she couldn’t get her body to move.

“Here I’ll help you out.” No sooner he had picked her up bridal style like she weighed nothing. “I’ve got you, Princess.”

All Courtney could get out was a high pitched squeak of surprise and then she was being gently placed on the leather furniture. She had instinctually wrapped her arms around his neck when he picked her up but was too caught off guard to remember to let go.

“I was hoping I would get some time alone with you.” He murmured in her ear. Courtney let her hands go and when he pulled away they unintentionally slid down his chest.

“Name’s Duncan by the way.” Duncan turned up the volume on the stereo, drowning out the noise from the rest of the club. “Any special requests, gorgeous?”

Courtney sat there with her eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights. Duncan sensed her trepidation.

“I don’t think I can do this...” Courtney admitted, mortified that she was chickening out and bolted for the curtain they came in through.

“Hey wait,” Duncan caught her carefully by the shoulders, “it’s okay. We don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, I’d be happy just to talk to you.”  He wasn’t going to let her slip away now that he had his chance.

Duncan could tell she wasn’t like the type of woman that would normally come here for a bachelorette party and was out of her comfort zone. Earlier, when he spotted her during his routine he knew she was definitely into him too. He just had to get her to let loose a bit.

“Dance with me.” He held out his hand to which Courtney looked at cautiously. “Just follow my lead, Princess.”

This time when she took his hand it was him directing her. He put her hand on his shoulder, her other hand following suit, and put his hands on her waist.

“This okay?” Courtney nodded and followed as he swayed them to the music. Her eyes were down but he could see the small smile pulling at the corners of her mouth.  That pretty little smile alone was getting him excited down below.

There was a shift as Courtney’s reservations began to waver. The tension in her arms began to dissipate and the full weight do them fell to Duncan’s shoulders. She got a little closer, then so did he, until their swaying turned into a slow grind. Their torsos where completely pressed together and one of his legs were wedged between hers.

His erection was hard against her leg but instead of jumping away, Courtney stared at the outline against his jeans in smug satisfaction. Growing bolder, Courtney let her right hand slip from his shoulder and let a finger time drag down his chest, purposefully letting her finger nail catch on his nipple piercing. He hissed and bucked against her leg.

Their eyes met with the same hazy gaze of desire as Courtney continued her journey down his chest, to his abdomen and to the waist of his jeans without breaking eye contact. She hovered there, unsure.

“Like I said...” Duncan rubbed circles with his fingers on her waist “we can do whatever you want...”

Courtney hooked her finger into the waistband of his pants. “Take these off.”

His pants hit the floor a second later leaving him in only his black boxer briefs, his cock even more noticeable. Courtney continued to stare with labored breath but did only just that. She look at him like she was going to devour him yet did nothing. It was infuriating, and incredibly sexy.

Duncan threaded his fingers in the hair at the nape her neck. He was close enough to kiss her full lips but resisted despite how tempted he was.

“What do you want to do to me?” Duncan asked low and eager. His groin brushed against her when she leaned into his words and he gave up on personal space and molded their bodies together again. “I know what I want to do to you...”

Her nose brushed against the stubble on his chin as she inclined her head.

“Then do it.”

Duncan lifted her leg and wrapped it around his waist, then attached his lips to Courtney’s neck. She gasped at the sudden change in position and stabilized herself by holding onto his shoulders. Her gasp turned into a surprised moan when he kissed her skin. He continued the assault up her neck, pausing to suck and nibble against her pulse.

Courtney dug her fingers into his shoulder to keep quiet although all she wanted was to express how good this felt. She was going lightheaded with want and didn’t know how much more of this she could take.

“Duncan...” He lost a bit of control when she whispered his name so wantonly and pulled her against him. The angle allowing his cock to grind between her legs.

This time Courtney couldn’t hide the broken moan that came from the back of her throat. Duncan looked at her with his eyes glazed over, waiting for her next move.

This was it, now or never.

Then fabric rustled as a curtain was yanked back.

“My turn! You’ve had more than enough time with him-“ Brooke took in the situation and raised an eyebrow “Oh, am I interrupting something?”

Courtney jumped away from Duncan, her whole body lit with shame. She didn’t get to see either of their reactions because she kept her eyes down as she pushed passed Brooke.

“Sorry, I tried to stop her...” Bridgette tried to apologize as Courtney claimed her purse, but Courtney bolted for the club’s  exit, desperate to be anywhere but there.

[deadlifts-and-derrida]

Learning to Grow

There's a scene in the 90's animated Spider-Man where Eddie Brock, the human host of the Venom symbiote, is lifting weights in his run-down New York apartment. He's shirtless, bench pressing what looks like an impressive weight. The camera runs over his arms and torso as he recites, between grunts, a litany of wrongs, imagined and real, that Spider-Man has visited upon him. There are brief flashbacks with each item on the list, played out semi-opaque in front of his sweaty muscular torso. As each one fades and we see him clear, his muscles appear to pulse and swell. He's getting bigger and bigger as the scene goes on, muscles engorging with each repetition, each up and down of the loaded bar he's bench-pressing.

This scene captivated me as a child. Any time this episode came up in re-runs I'd be glued to the TV, would find some excuse to go into another room and sneakily turn on a separate television, away from my family, even if it meant watching it on a smaller, less modern set.

I knew I loved muscle before I saw this scene. I even doubt this was the first time I saw a depiction of where muscles came from. This first aired in 1994. I would have been 11. Surely I knew muscles came from working out before I saw this. But it felt like some previously unconnected parts of my brain were suddenly wired together.

If you want to have muscles you have to lift weights!

*

My mom had two blue dumbbells at home. I think she bought them to use at the Step Aerobics class she went to every Thursday night in the gymnasium of the local elementary school, the same school I attended. They were 5 lbs each. I'm sure they would look small to me now. They looked big to me then.

They came with a folded up paper diagram of exercises you could do with the dumbbells. It featured a line drawing of an absurdly muscular man (these are FIVE POUND DUMBBELLS and he looks like a professional bodybuilder!), shirtless, wearing a pair of short shorts. Of course I was attracted to this line drawing. But I remember taking these little blue dumbbells and trying to use them to get bigger and stronger. I tried to use the piano bench to do chest flies. I did lots of bicep curls. I don't think I ever did anything for my back and my legs - classic clueless young man, only exercising the muscles he can see, the ones that look good in a t-shirt.

I didn't go about this in any regimented fashion. They were sporadic attempts. I didn't yet realize how frequently you had to work out to see results. I didn't realize how to organize a weightlifting session at the gym, how to program it to achieve hypertrophy (or, in lay terms, bigger muscles). I thought of it like it was a role-playing game, like if you lifted weights you'd add a little EXP to your STR bar, and eventually it'd level up even if you weren't systematic about it.

So of course I don't think mom's two blue 5 lbs dumbbells did much for me.

*

There was no commercial or public gym in my hometown, nor one within a 100 km drive. There were some private gyms, in people's basements and such. My little hometown, which had about 5,000 people living in it when I was in my early teens, somehow produced four provincial bodybuilding champions to my knowledge, including Newfoundland's only internationally successful professional bodybuilder to date. Fewer than 1% of the province's population. We certainly over-performed in this aspect.

And then there was me. Absolutely nothing to look at. But burning with a desire that I felt ashamed of, felt like I should keep it hidden. Bodybuilding was all around me and I didn't say anything, didn't give any indication that it interested me. Two of those four provincial champions were my next-door neighbours, one of them a year older than me, one of them a year younger than me. It never occured to me to even try to train with them.

I was an awkward nerd. I knew I was gay. I hadn't told anyone. But bullies called me every word you can call a gay kid, because, well, they were bullies.

So I didn't connect with the budding bodybuilders around me. I never lifted in one of the basements where so many successful bodybuilding careers began.

I did pushups sporadically in my bedroom and hoped it would be enough.

Of course it wasn't. Forcing the body to build more metabolically expensive muscle tissue than it absolutely needs is one of the most difficult things to do. A few pushups in your bedroom and a protein-poor diet (I was vegetarian but I wasn't one of the "good kind" who research proper diet) won't cut it.

*

In my second term at University, the Field House opened. This was a new athletic facility. There was some controversy in student circles that we were all being levied a $40/semester fee to pay for the Field House - but in return, we all had access to the facility. We just had to show our student card.

Stress, bad eating, and a post-exam bout of mononucleosis had left me about 145 lbs at this point. I'm 6' tall. There was no muscle on me to speak of - though skinny, I had no abs, no definition in my arms and legs. My arms measured 10" around.

So, although all my leftist friends were angry about the Field House levy, I was secretly happy about it. Finally, I had access to a gym.

I didn't research what to do. I didn't ask for help in making a plan.

For weeks, I went in and ran on the treadmill.

I remember an article by another gay writer about body image, muscles, and exercise. He describes running on the treadmill while dreaming of himself as finally having that muscular body he's long wanted to have.

Now, I want to give the guy a shake and ask him what the hell he's doing on a treadmill if he wants muscles. That's like practicing piano and hoping it'll make you a better cook. But back then - I was that guy.

*

There was a little alcove in the Field House next to the cardio room that had some air-powered resistance machines. I started to use those. I doubt I used them well. No one taught me form. I didn't look it up. This was 2002 - YouTube, a great resource for this kind of thing, was years away.

But it was better than nothing. My diet, still appalling and low in protein, did get a little better as my palate expanded and I learned, on a semester in England in 2003, that I liked and could prepare chicken and fish.

My arms were 12" around. This is still small. It's nowhere near Eddie Brock. But it's better than 10".

*

I was like a timid deer slowly being tamed. Toward the end of my undergraduate degree, I began going to the Strength and Conditioning Centre, in the basement of the old Phys Ed building, where the actual lifters and bodybuilders on campus went.

But I was not yet either of those things.

I was still ashamed of my desires, couldn't bring myself to ask anyone for help, to acquire the practical knowledge I needed if I was ever going to achieve the kind of progress I wanted.

So even though there was a freeweight section full of huge burly men lifting impressive weights, I kept to the machines and the dumbbells. Lateral raises (probably done badly), cable flies (probably done badly), tricep pushdowns (probably done badly), dips and pullups (almost certainly done badly), lat pulldowns (I only ever felt these in my forearms). I never did a bench press. I never did a squat. I don't think I even knew what a deadlift was.

I ate like I was lifting big weights and having gruelling workouts, though. So, in other words, I got chubby and my muscles more or less stayed the same, after those newbie gains earned in the alcove of the Field House with the air-powered machines. I did not look like I lifted weights. I certainly didn't look like a bodybuilder.

*

My mid and late 20s were full of periods where I had no gym access. I ran during those times, every second day. I got fitter, my body firmed up, I felt better. I was also physically suited to middle distance running. But I was smaller, during those times, and I wanted to be bigger.

When I did have gym access I continued to lift poorly, without doing any compound movements (bench, squat, deadlift, overhead press, etc). And I ate to grow, but it was a lot of low quality food. So, during those times, my body got softer. I told myself I was bulking, but my muscles didn't get bigger. My arms were still about 12" or 13", depending on which of these two modes I was existing in.

I still lived in dread of someone discovering how much I wanted to be a huge muscular freak. How I fed my imagination on a steady diet of enormous bodybuilders, folders with thousands of jpgs saved from the internet, treasured memories of the rare times I'd seen a truly huge muscular man out in the wild, in person. Walking in the mall, lying on a blanket in the park, in the checkout line at the supermarket.

I would sometimes fantasize about finding some almost empty bottle of steroids in the locker room. Maybe just one or two pills left. At the time I erroneously thought all steroids were pills - I didn't know anything about steroids at all, at this point. I just knew they made guys big. In this fantasy, I would take the one or two pills I found, and it would make me slightly more muscular than I was. Perhaps 5% more. And that would be enough to make me happy without anyone realizing anything. Of course, it doesn't work that way.

*

I wasn't entirely clueless. In 2009, I started a PhD at the University of Toronto, and had access to its excellent gym facilities. By then I knew I had to do compound movements like bench press and squat. I started to learn how. I didn't seek out help, though, and I definitely should have. Also, a PhD is very demanding on your time. I was following a "split" (how you organize your workouts through the week) appropriate for someone lifting 4-5 times a week, but I was lucky if I got in 2 or 3 times (which, frankly, isn't enough to see much progress regardless of your "split"). 10 or 12 days would go by between chest workouts, between back workouts, between leg workouts.

I suppose I made some progress. Not much. I may have deluded myself into thinking it was more than it was, because I had been going to the gym, in some capacity, for 7 years, and I wanted to have something to show for it.

In early 2012, me and my then-boyfriend drove to his father's in South Carolina. I had just turned 29. I was planning on using the fact we were traveling to buy steroids online. I was paranoid that my IP address could be tracked if I did it at home and it would be safer to do it from some hotel room in Pennsylvania.

I realized, when in a hotel room in Pennsylvania trying to buy steroids online, that I didn't know enough about any of that to actually go through with it. I hadn't done my research. Looking back, my naivete is laughable. Now, if I encountered someone like the person I used to be trying to buy steroids, I would try my best to discourage them for a large number of reasons. One, you, past Michael, clearly don't know how to train and eat to grow; that being the case, all steroids will do is upset your endocrine system's natural balance and increase some health risks without actually giving you the benefits you want. Secondly, you don't know a thing about them. What kind are you going to buy? The answer better be testosterone enanthate or testosterone cypionate; test only for a beginner's cycle. Do you know proper injection technique? Don't even think about an oral-only cycle! Do you know what an AI is? It's an aromatase inhibitor, a drug that prevents most of the negative side effects people associate with steroid use, which ironically come from elevated estrogen, a side effect of elevated tesoterone - you did know that, didn't you? Do you know what PCT is? It's Post Cycle Therapy, drugs people take once they have finished their cycle of steroids to help restart their body's natural hormone production, which is disrupted by steroids. You knew steroids would shut down your natural testosterone production, right?

Luckily, I realized I wasn't ready, and didn't go through with my plan. I don't know what I was thinking. I mean, did I think I could just type "buy steroids" into google? OK, yes, you can actually do that, but it's not a good idea. There are plenty of people out there willing to make a quick buck selling snake oil to idiots like me, and even if they sold me legitimate gear, I wasn't ready for it and had no idea how to use it safely and responsibly, as outlined above.

*

In January of 2013, my parents, always solidly middle class, suddenly became very wealthy, and they passed some of this on to me. I had never made more than $25,000 in a year, and suddenly twice that was sitting in my bank account, with more to come.

One of the things I splurged on was a DEXA scan. It cost $125. You lay still on the bed of a device, and a mechanical arm slowly passes over your whole body twice. It takes about ten minutes. it is the most accurate body composition scan currently available.

I wanted to know how well my efforts in the gym had paid off.

Not at all, it turned out.

I was 184 lbs. This was in the "normal" BMI range for someone 6' tall. But I was 25.1% bodyfat. For a man, obesity is considered anything over 25%. I was the opposite of a bodybuilder. Bodybuilders have obese BMI but very low bodyfat percentages. I had normal BMI but an obese bodyfat percentage.

My lean body mass was only 138 lbs. If I was lean like a bodybuilder, I wouldn't even weigh 150 lbs. I had been going to the gym for 11 years and I had almost nothing to show for it - maybe 10 or 15 lbs of muscle gained from the underfed just-over-a-bout-of-mono 19 year old who first stepped into a gym in 2002.

This was a kick in the pants. Luckily it motivated me. I reformed my diet. No more pizza and burritos except as very occasional treats. Cut way way way back on the booze. Running in the morning every second day, lifting weights every day I didn't run.

I got married in June. I weighed 170 lbs and my bodyfat was down to 19%. I was losing fat without losing muscle, possibly because there was very little muscle to lose.

We went on an extended summer wedding tour, had wedding parties on both coasts. I relaxed a little but didn't give up fully.

And that September, enabled by having some money, emboldened by finally achieving a little success, spurred on by turning 30 and realizing that if I didn't start to do this right then my dream of being a bodybuilder would never come to pass, I hired a trainer.

And on our first meeting, I told him: I want to get as big as I possibly can.

And he said let's get to work.

[secretkidcolor]

A Good View from the Sidelines

A simple game of basketball with a bunch of sweaty guys in shorts shouldn't be that big of a deal. Naturally, it ends up being a bigger deal once Tyler meets someone from the other team for the first time.

Also posted to fanfiction.net and Archive of Our Own under the same title~

Happy Pride Month!

“Bro, you might want to sit this one out.”

Tyler adjusted the sweatband keeping some of his hair out of his face as he heard his friend’s advice. Well, friend was a loose term. He and Geoff weren’t exactly close, but they got along fine. Geoff, who oozed coolness with his fondness for open-chested shirts and cowboy hats, had no reason to invite Tyler to hang out as often as he did. But that was Geoff’s character-defining trait. He was cool in every sense of the word. That included being nice to everyone. So when he advised Tyler to sit out, Tyler knew it probably wasn’t in a way that was meant to be disrespectful.

“No way dude,” Tyler said, “I just got warmed up. Afraid I’m gonna beat you guys?” Tyler and Geoff were at the local park with two other guys, DJ and Duncan, and were supposed to be shooting hoops together. They hadn’t started yet though, which was why Tyler was confused. Usually he’d play a couple rounds, hurt himself, and sit out to watch, but he was in perfect shape still and wanted to take advantage of that for what little time he was able to maintain it.

“Pffft, as if,” Duncan cut in, rolling his eyes. “That new guy, Alejandro, is going to be coming by with some of his buddies to play us in a little game of three on three. And no offense, but we want to win.” Unlike Geoff, Duncan was most likely intending to be disrespectful. With his bright green mohawk, various piercings, and constantly pissed off expression, Duncan scared the crap out of Tyler. Whether it was death threats (followed by an unconvincing “Kidding!”) or just senseless violence against people Duncan deemed uncool, Tyler tried to stay off his radar as much as possible. There had been a brief conflict between them when Tyler had dated Lindsay, and the jock had truly feared for his life for a moment, but that had come to pass.

“Ale…” Tyler’s voice trailed off as he tried to replicate the name. It was clearly Spanish, but Tyler wasn’t the best speaker to begin with. “Alejandro,” he managed to say finally. The name sounded vaguely familiar. “He’s new?’

“Chyeah dude,” Geoff said, dribbling the ball in place. “He just transferred here over the weekend. Bridge said that all the girls were talking about him today. Even Heather.”

“I was getting an icepack from the nurse when I heard him introducing himself to Principal Mclean,” DJ spoke up from his spot on the ground. “That man doesn’t like anybody, but this guy pushed all the right buttons. Mclean even offered to let him skip his first class of the day. He’s smooth as Mama’s gravy.”

“Which is why it’s important that we beat his ass at basketball today,” Duncan said, his eyes narrowing. “Nobody makes our chicks talk but us.” Tyler winced a little at the possessive wording Duncan used. Duncan’s girlfriend Courtney would probably throw a fit if she heard him talk about her like that, and Tyler wouldn’t have ever dared claim ownership over Lindsay.

While Tyler’s relationship with Lindsay was solid, it was certainly an anomaly to everyone at school. At first the idea of a pretty- no, beautiful. Tyler believed she was the most beautiful girl he had ever met. The idea of a beautiful, blonde cheerleader dating a jock was a given. It was less of a given when it was apparent that Tyler wasn’t very good at any of the many sports he participated in. He was clumsy to a fault and spent more time on the bench than actually playing, and the few times he did play he usually ended up getting hurt. This normally didn’t put a damper on his spirits though. He had won the Team Spirit award every season since freshman year. His teammates had given him flack for it at first, but Lindsay’s immense popularity and their immediate connection had helped with that. By now, most of the other school athletes admired (at least secretly) his perseverance and now that he was a junior, he saw some of his younger teammates actually looking up to him. Rival schools still gave him a hard time, but he had come to rely on his teammates to have his back when that happened.

Tyler wasn’t an overly spiritual man, but he thanked the higher powers for putting Lindsay into his life. She was the perfect girlfriend. Sweet, caring, smar- okay she wasn’t that smart. But that hardly mattered anyway, especially after she had gotten past always getting his name wrong. Their relationship had started as a quick burst of teenage passion and had actually developed into something meaningful. As they got older they began to rely on one another for more than just a physical release. Tyler considered Lindsay to be his best friend and he trusted her with everything, and that bond only seemed to strengthen when they had stopped dating (there was a bad incident with her forgetting his name in front of his parents). He trusted her with everything. Well, almost everything…

“Chill dudes,” Geoff said. “Alejandro’s bringing three friends so it’ll be four guys to a team. Tyler can sub in at some point. Is that cool?” He looked at Tyler as he asked this, and Tyler nodded.

“Yeah, it’ll give me extra time to warm up!” With that, Tyler began to do some push-ups for effect. Soon enough, four guys could be seen walking toward the court as Tyler flopped on the ground after his push-ups. He groaned as Geoff, Duncan, and DJ greeted the approaching four guys. There were a couple of voices he could recognize as the guys talked.

“I’ll be the first one sitting out,” said Justin, a guy who ran a modeling Instagram account. “This is the perfect lighting for some sporty pics. You guys just let me know if you need me, okay?’

“Pfft, whatever,” Duncan said and Tyler could practically feel his eyeroll. “Are we gonna stand around all day or actually play?”

“Lightning’s ready to play!” That was another voice that Tyler definitely recognized. Lightning was the star quarterback and the only student who referred to himself in third person almost constantly. Tyler never really cared for him as he was one of the less kind football players when it came to Tyler’s habit of injuring himself. His dad was a big name in sports broadcasting and donated generously to the football team though, and Tyler did like the new uniforms each year.

“My friend, are you in need of some assistance?” A voice flowed through Tyler’s ears like silk and he looked up to see a tan hand being offered. He grabbed it and was immediately surprised by the firm, but careful grip that pulled him to his feet. Tyler steadied himself and found himself face to face with one of the most attractive men he had ever seen. That…sounded weird, but it was true. This man was jacked, and while Tyler himself was pretty muscular he felt a little self-conscious as he looked at the guy in a totally objective way. He was wearing a dark red shirt, not too much darker than Tyler’s own, which clung to his muscles. There was something tied to a cord around his neck. A skull of some kind. His hair was long, but well-maintained. The closed-mouth smile he gave Tyler seemed to just be polite, but his eyes were…calculating. Not recognizing him, Tyler assumed that this must be Alejandro.

As Alejandro’s eyebrow raised, Tyler realized he must have been staring at him for an unusual amount of time and looked down, only to see that he was still holding his hand. He quickly withdrew his own hand and sputtered out the first thing that came to mind, “I-I uh, I like girls!”

What.

Alejandro didn’t even seem fazed by the remark. “Noted,” he said politely. “Although probably not relevant to basketball.” He chuckled and Tyler really hoped that nobody else had heard his remark. “My name’s Alejandro,” he said, confirming his name. “And you are?”

“Tyler,” the jock responded quickly. “Uh, nice to meet you…er, yeah.”

“Um, are we gonna play or what?” Duncan asked impatiently from a few feet away. He held up the basketball.

Alejandro nodded at Duncan and turned back to Tyler. “Best of luck Tyler,” he said with another closed-mouth smile.

“Uh thanks but I’m actually gonna be sitting this one out,” Tyler said, backing up off the court.

“Pity,” Alejandro replied, “but I hope you enjoy watching the game then.” Another smile. Tyler felt his face begin to heat up, but fortunately the guys were quick to start their game.

Thirty seconds of watching the game and Tyler had come to the conclusion that basketball was the world’s most unnecessarily sexual sport. Growing up, Tyler had played more sports than most, and he was just now deciding on this fact. Contact sports, while intensely physical, usually involved the wearing of gear for protection. Basketball? While it wasn’t an intentional contact sport, there were still plenty of points of contact during a single game. And with no gear, there were no barriers between skin. Nothing between smooth, sweaty, tan skin.

Oh.

Tyler had started the game trying to focus in on his friends and provide moral support from the sidelines, but that quickly stopped when he saw Alejandro on the court. Tyler had never seen someone play basketball so gracefully before. Alejandro moved with confidence and power, but he clearly possessed total control over himself and the ball when he had it. None of the other guys could even touch him as he practically glided across the court. At one point, he even seemed to turn and look right at Tyler.

His calculating eyes.

Slowly widening in alarm.

A large orange orb slowly growing bigger over his face.

Wait.

A flash of pain and Tyler’s vision temporarily darkened as the basketball collided straight into his face. His head snapped back, his neck making a soft pop as he fell onto his back. Fortunately, he had been sitting in the grass and the back of his head came into contact with untrimmed grass and not the concrete of the basketball court. Tyler may have developed a high pain tolerance, but he wasn’t invincible and concussions were no joke.

Tyler could hear laughing, and some concerned shouts, but soon that seemed to fade away as he saw Alejandro’s face appear hovering over him. “I am so incredibly sorry,” he said, and Tyler could feel a hand on the side of his face. Alejandro had such smooth skin. He slowly helped Tyler up to a sitting position, asking him the usual questions that coaches and trainers asked Tyler after he got took a hard enough blow to the head. It was all very professional sounding coming from someone who likely was the same age as Tyler, but there was something else too. Alejandro had come off as so confident and in control of everything when he had introduced himself not even fifteen minutes ago, and yet now he was flustered and worried and just reacting. And yet he still oozed confidence. And if anything, he was even more beautiful for it.

Hmm.

“It’s all good dude,” Tyler finally said after the round of questions and Alejandro was convinced he didn’t need medical attention. “I’ve taken way harder hits before.” He reached up to rap his knuckles against his skull for effect, Alejandro’s soft hiss under his breath made him reconsider. “But,” he offered, “I’ll probably stay out for the whole game to be safe.”

“Yes, I…I think that would be best,” Alejandro agreed. “It was an accident, I swear.”

“Doing us a favor honestly,” Duncan muttered. Geoff jabbed him with his elbow. “Kidding,” he added.

“Is it cool if we keep playing?” Geoff asked Tyler. “As long as you’re good.

“I’m good,” Tyler said with a slight nod. Duncan went to get the ball and the guys tried to figure out where to position themselves for the game to resume.

“Hey Alejandro,” Tyler said with a grin as Alejandro stood up to resume playing, “I knew what you were doing. I know you just needed to take out the strongest player before he could turn the game around on you guys.”

Alejandro look’s initial look of alarm quickly changed to match Tyler’s grin. “You caught me,” he said in a teasing tone. “It seems you’re too smart for me Tyler, and I was intimidated by the athletic prowess you possess. I do hope you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me.” They shared a laugh and after a few seconds Alejandro gave him a nod before heading back to the game.

Tyler rubbed the bridge of his nose, feeling where a bruise was going to form, and leaned back. If he wasn’t going to play, he was at least going to enjoy watching the world’s most unnecessarily sexual sport. Of course, there was one player he tended to focus on more, and he was pretty sure that player caught his glances multiple times without breaking his concentration on the game.

In the end, Alejandro’s team had won by a lot of points. Duncan was annoyed, DJ seemed a little embarrassed, and Geoff was chill like always. The guys still shook hands with one another, and Alejandro walked over to shake Tyler’s hand as well.

“Again, I do hope you can forgive me for your bruised face,” he said, which Tyler just waved off. “Maybe next time, when you’re able to play, your friends won’t lose quite as badly.”

Tyler looked over at his friends and then at Alejandro, meeting his amused gaze with a smirk. “Yeah,” he said, standing up, “because next time…we’re gonna win.”

“Well then I might have to hit you with the ball again,” Alejandro remarked, again with that teasing tone.

“Well then I guess we’ll have to keep playing until my face becomes so strong it bounces the ball right back at you!” Tyler declared.

“Sounds like we’ll be playing basketball together for quite a long time then,” Alejandro said, and Tyler realized that while their handshake had stopped, neither of them had let go of the other’s hand. Tyler felt his face begin to heat up.

“Guess so,” Tyler said, but his voice sounded much less confident than it had moments ago. Alejandro chuckled and released Tyler’s hand.

“I’m sure I’ll see you around Tyler,” he said before turning to leave. “Let me know if you ever want to just play one on one.” It was a normal enough offer but the way he said those last three words sent Tyler’s mind racing as he watched Alejandro walk away.

It hadn’t been a lie when he told Alejandro he liked girls. It was more of a half-truth. But maybe Alejandro had known that from the start. He would have to ask Lindsay what she thought of all this later tonight.

As Tyler said goodbye to his teammates and headed home, he used his phone to check the bruise on his face. It was big, but it would heal quickly. Just in time for another game of Tyler’s new favorite sport.

[ilovemygaydad]

Little Talks

from the friends in dark places au

pairing: remile, background logince, background moxiety

summary: remy andersen may be a stubborn, rude, leather-jacket wearing prick, but... nope, that’s it. that’s all he is.

WARNINGS: angsty mutual pining, teasing, flirting with someone else’s boyfriend (in a teasing manner), self hate, internalized enbyphobia, internalized transphobia, internalized queerphobia, doubting one’s sexuality, anxiety, trying to change for a crush, physical violence, transphobic slur, fighting, broken/bloody nose, small fight scene, doubtfulness, lots of swearing, mentions of wanting to die, manhandling, harassment, making out, kissing, flirting, being flustered, bets, possibly something else

tag list: @hufflepuffgirl01 @cocobearthe4th @cas-is-a-hunter @band-be-boss-blog @theunoriginaldaisy and, by request for remile, @notalwaysthevillian

a/n: jsyk, it’s totally okay to ask for a modified chapter if you need it or if i need to add tags! i get it, and it’s no problem for me to quick edit a chapter or whatever :) also, feel free to send requests or questions that you have!

first of main plot - companions

consider buying me a coffee (please)

-

Remy dramatically flopped onto the bench at Logan’s table with an equally dramatic huff.

“Remus, why have you suddenly decided to… grace us with your presence?” Logan deadpanned.

“Lo, sweetheart, can’t I just sit with my cousin and his lovely friends every once in a while?”

“No,” Logan said. “You cannot because there is never a time that you interact with me if it isn’t for a favor or to insult me.”

Remy gasped, glancing at the other patrons of the table. The emo one looked confused and borderline terrified, and Remy would feel bad if his problems weren’t more important. “Can y’all believe what he’s saying? I’m hurt, truly.”

“Just say whatever it is that you want to so that we may go back to eating our meals in peace.”

“Fine. I need help wooin’ this absolute doll of a girl, and--”

“Hold up,” Roman interrupted. “I thought you were gay.”

If Remy had rolled his eyes any harder, he might have strained a muscle. “Ro, honey, I’d have to be deader’n dirt if I wasn’t attracted to Emile freaking Picani. Ain’t no sexuality that can trump utter beauty.”

or maybe he wasn't gay maybe he was straight or pan or maybe he only liked emile because sometimes she wanted to use he/him pronouns--

“Okay, fair.”

“So,” Logan started, tilting his head the tiniest bit. “Why’d you come to me for romance advice, of all people?”

“Because you caught yourself a cutie--” Remy winked at Roman over his sunglasses-- “so you’ve obviously got some sort of game.”

Logan blushed slightly. “You do know about the whole fight thing, right?”

Remy rolled his eyes again. “Sugar, I’m not as much of a dumbass as you. I can navigate around any dumb advice you give me.”

“Rem—“

“Please, Logan,” Remy pleaded, gripping his cousin’s shoulders. He hated to have to stoop to begging, but he felt so desperate. “You can’t imagine how badly I want Emile to see me as a worthy partner.”

“Remy, kiddo, you’ve gotta breathe, okay?” Patton coaxed from across the table. “You’re going to work yourself into a panic if you don’t take it easy.”

And Remy knew that it wasn’t a big deal, but he couldn’t shake his doubts.

“I just… Emile is a livin’ blessing, and I’m the equivalent of milk left out on a hot, sunny day. I ain’t got a chance with ‘er if I can’t get a fairy godmother to bippity-boppity-boo me into a respectable young man.”

The emo kid slightly raised his hand, making eye contact with his lunch. “Uh, who’s Emile?”

“Oh my goodness gracious!” Remy exclaimed. “I can’t believe you don’t know who Emile Picani is. She is just the sweetest; let me tell you. She absolutely adores cartoons, and she loves helping others--I swear, that girl is gonna fix the whole world someday. She--oops, they must’ve changed headbands during lunch. They’re right over there. The cutie with the gorgeous brown hair and blue headband.” A dreamy sigh escaped him as he pushed his sunglasses into his hair. “They look good in every outfit they wear, on my honor! They’re wearin’ this Steven Universe skater skirt today, and it shows off their legs in a way that’s got me half a step away from fainting. Honest to god, I can’t believe that they’re still single. They’re absolute perfection.”

“I don’t… You just…” The emo boy trailed off, unable to find his words. “You seem really in love with them. I just don’t see why you think that you don’t have a chance.”

Remy frowned, turning to face the others. “Well, every time they see me walking in their general direction, they turn tail and run the opposite direction like I’m some sorta demon that’s comin’ to reap their soul. On the off chance that they hadn’t fled by the time I can get a word in, they always seem like they’d rather be eatin’ soap. It became real obvious, real fast that they ain’t into me in any way, shape, or form.”

“Well,” Patton said, staring somewhere behind Remy. “They’re coming over right now.”

“What? Shit--”

“Hey, guys!” Emile greeted in their sweet, gentle voice as they walked up to the table. Everyone turned to look at them, save for Remy. “Can I borrow Remy for a bit?”

Remy put on his sweetest, fakest smile and finally looked at Emile. “‘Course, hon. You wanna go somewhere else?”

“Yeah, that’d be great, thanks.” Emile began to walk toward the hall, and Remy quickly got up to follow. He took one last glance toward the table and caught Roman winking at him. God bless that boy’s soul.

They ended up just outside the cafeteria. Remy leaned against the wall, sliding his sunglasses back over his face in the hopes that he’d be less of an idiot with them on, and Emile stood a couple of feet away. They were nervously picking at a loose thread on their sweater, so Remy patiently waited for them to speak. There was no reason for him to make a fool of himself if he didn’t need to.

“Did I do something to upset you?”

Remy was so stunned by the question that he couldn’t even get a word in.

“‘Cause, like, you were staring at me earlier, and I’m probably jumping to conclusions like always, but I’d hate it if I hurt you. That would be a really shi--”

“You’re kiddin’ me, right?”

Emile’s face twisted in confusion. “What? No, of course not.”

“Darlin’, there’s just about nothin’ that you could do to make me mad at you. I was just--” Staring creepily at you because I think you’re the finest thing under the sun. Yeah, Remy. That’d be real cool of you to say-- “I was just starin’ off into space.”

“Oh. Okay.” There was an awkward pause before Emile blurted out, “Cool, well, I’m gonna go now. Bye!”

They were gone in a flash, leaving Remy staring at the space that they’d previously occupied. With a heavy sigh, he exited the school. Lucky him, having a free period after lunch anyway. He could cry in the comfort of his own home.

---

If you had told Remy Andersen a week ago that he’d be wearing a sweatshirt to school, he would have told you, “I’d rather be dead than wear a sweatshirt, sugar.”

Well.

The point still stood because Remy really fucking wanted to die.

And, yes, it was his own choice to completely disregard all of the times that his friends had told him not to change just to impress some boy, but heaven be damned if Remy wasn’t thirsty as hell. There was a cute boy, and Remy was ready and willing to try just about anything to gain the ability to kiss that pretty face.

Read: almost anything.

Remy wanted his leather jacket back, and he wanted his ripped skinny jeans, not the plain blue ones that he’d pulled from the darkest recesses of his wardrobe. He’d had to borrow this baby blue hoodie from Patton because, of course, he owned zero hoodies.

And everything was fucking great because Emile was totally paying attention to him trying to be more approachable.

This was fine. Everything was fucking fine.

---

Remy wore sweatshirts for a whole two days before he caved and went back to his leather jacket. There was exactly zero change in the way that Emile acted, and it fucking sucked. It was pretty obvious that he had no chance in getting Emile’s attention, and there was even less of a chance of actually being able to date them. Or even of being Emile’s friend because the fact still stood that Emile disliked Remy so much that they physically ran away every time he was nearby.

Thus, it was Dramatic Bitch Hours, and Dramatic Bitch Hours meant spending the entirety of lunch outside, brooding in the student courtyard.

Although it was nearing the end of May, it was a rather chilly day, and very few students wanted to be outside in the cold. One might suspect that Remy wouldn’t like the cooler days with him being from the south and all, but he found them rather pleasant for this very reason. Fewer people made it easier to relax and brood in peace. He was the only one in the courtyard, which made everything so nice and peaceful.

Well…

It was peaceful for a few minutes before some idiotic jocks decided to barge in.

“Don’t run away from us you fucking tranny!”

“You can’t waltz around and pretend to be something you aren’t,” a second voice snarled. “We saw you using the men’s bathroom earlier.”

“I’m surprised, seeing as your heads are so far up your asses!” a smaller voice shot back.

A smaller voice that belonged to the one and only Emile Picani.

Shit.

“Don’t fucking talk to us like that!” The group rounded the corner, and Remy could see that it was two jocks (one tall and the other muscular) harassing Emile. It felt like slow motion as he saw Emile’s small body stumble after being pushed by the taller jock.

“Hey!” Remy shouted, launching up from his table and storming over to the group. “Y’all had better knock it off real fast and leave them alone!”

The taller one sneered. “Or what? You’ll hit us with your precious sunglasses?” He took a step forward, and the other jock grabbed Emile from the ground in a tight grip.

“Remy, stop,” they pleaded. “Please, just leave.”

“Yeah, Remy,” mocked the muscular boy, gripping Emile even tighter. “Run away like the coward you are.”

Remy glared at the jock looming over him. “Sorry, doll. I don’t back down so easy.”

There was about a half second of angry silence before the tall one pounced at him. With the grace of many years of training, Remy took advantage of the momentum and threw the jock over his shoulder. The boy let out a heavy wheeze as the air was knocked clean out of his lungs, and Remy turned to face the other bully just in time to see Emile thrown to the ground again. The boy who had been holding them growled, stalking up to Remy and reeling back for a punch.

In a fraction of a second, Remy’s knee jerked up to catch the jock in the stomach. He took advantage of the moment of shock and ran his elbow into his nose. The boy stumbled back, clutching his face. The taller jock, who had recovered from being thrown, ran over to his friend with a gasp.

Remy casually straightened out his jacket, not even slightly winded. “I think it’d be the best for both of y’all if you went to the nurse’s office. That broken nose sure ain’t gonna heal itself, hon.”

The boys began to rush out of the courtyard, but Remy called out to them, “Oh, and I wouldn’t tell anyone what really happened out here.” He smirked. “Wouldn’t want everyone to know that y’all got beat up by the queer kid, now would we?”

Both jocks had the fear of god in their eyes as they nodded and ran into the building. As soon as they were gone, Remy was at Emile’s side.

“Sugar, are you okay?”

Emile nodded slightly as Remy sat down next to them. “Yeah, just startled. Also, how the hell did you do that?”

“I’m a black belt in taekwondo. Ma thought it’d be a good way to get out my destructive energy as a kid, so I ended up getting real invested.” Remy shrugged. He didn’t find it a very interesting part of his history, but it was useful at times.

“Holy shmokes…”

Remy smiled slightly, leaning back on his hands. “Y’know, I’d reckon that this is the longest conversation that we’ve had without you runnin’ off.”

A bright pink blush spread across Emile’s cheeks. “I’m so sorry.”

“‘S all right,” Remy said, waving his hand dismissively. “Ain’t your fault that you don’t like bein’ ‘round me, hon. I don’t really blame ya; I’d prob’ly hate me, too, if I were you.”

“You think I hate you?” Emile’s voice sounded sad and hurt, which didn’t make any goddamn sense.

“Yeah? Sure made it seem like you did.”

“Oh my god,” Emile said. They buried their face in their hands. “God, no, Remy. I don’t hate you at all!”

Remy stared at Emile for a hot second. “If that’s some kind of practical joke, it sure as hell ain’t funny.”

“No, no! It’s for real; I swear. I don’t hate you in the slightest.” Emile peeked out from behind their fingers. “I actually kinda have a crush on you.”

“Holy shit. This can’t possibly be real.” Remy shook his head.

“Trust me, Rem. It definitely is,” Emile said as they slowly crawled into Remy’s lap. It was as if they’d been doing it their whole life. “Is this okay?”

Remy’s mind went haywire at the close proximity to his crush. “Yeah. It’s very much okay, Emile.”

“I don’t think that I’ve ever heard you call me by my real name.” Emile leaned in closer to Remy. Their eyes met, and it was easy to see the flirtatious fire in Emile’s eyes. “I wouldn’t mind hearing you say it again.”

“Gurl, you can’t--it isn’t fair for you to say that kinda stuff and expect me to think properly.”

“Maybe I don’t want you to,” Emile whispered as they finally closed the minuscule gap between their lips.

And wow. Remy had imagined being able to kiss Emile in many daydream sessions, but the real thing was something else entirely. It was soft, and he could taste brown sugar and cinnamon on Emile’s lips, but a warmth had bloomed in his chest unlike anything that he had ever felt before. It took him a second to realize in his romantic haze that he had Emile’s skirt clutched tightly in his hand, but he couldn’t really bring himself to care. Not while he was kissing a literal angel.

All too soon, Emile leaned back from the kiss. Remy pouted, but he wasn’t able to get a complaint out before Emile said, “You look absolutely wrecked right now.”

Suddenly, the heat wasn’t just in his chest. “That… I swear to god, that ain’t fair.”

Emile cocked their head the tiniest bit. “What isn’t fair?”

“No human bein’ should be so perfect. You’ve got the looks--” Remy placed a kiss on their cheek-- “and the personality--” Another kiss to their nose-- “and you’re an amazing flirt.” He pressed a final, quick kiss to Emile’s lips, which made them giggle.

“Shut up! You’ve been my boyfriend for a whole two minutes; let me get used to it before you do sappy stuff!”

Remy’s eyes widened. “I-I’m your boyfriend?”

“Yeah! I mean, unless you don’t want to! I’m not going to force you or anything—“

Emile was cut off by Remy engulfing them in a hug. “Sugar, you’ve got no idea how much I wanna be your boyfriend. I’m just surprised that you wanna court me.”

“What? Why wouldn’t I?”

“Have you not heard a single word I’ve said this whole time? You’re, like, the most incredible person on this planet. It’d be an honor just to be able to call you my friend.”

Emile laughed, leaning their head on their boyfriend’s shoulder. “Since we’re letting out our dirty laundry, I suppose that I should confess that I was worried that you weren’t going to want to date me because you’re gay, and I’m not a guy.”

“Sexuality is fluid. I can like you and still call myself gay, right?” Remy’s voice almost sounded scared—like he was afraid to say something wrong.

“That’s fair.” They felt Remy shift a bit, smiling. “Is it too early to say that I love you?”

“Nah. I love you, too.”

---

“That’ll be ten bucks, Virgil,” Logan said, holding his hand out for the money as he stared out the doors to the courtyard. They had been planning to eat outside to work on a project together, but Virgil had seen their friends sitting on the sidewalk and stopped them before they intruded.

“We don’t even know what happened! This is stupid,” Virgil grumbled as he slammed the money into Logan’s hand.

A wicked smirk spread on Logan’s face. “All’s fair in love and war.”

“I’m gonna fucking tattle on you to Patton, and he’ll kick your ass to next week.”

Terror overshadowed the smugness in Logan’s expression, and he moved to chase after his best friend. “Wait, hold on! We can talk about this!”

[thefandomdirtymind]

Teenage love

  Marvel

Peter Quill x Reader

Warning: Spoiler about GOTG 2, Smut, language, oral sex (giving), female in the lead sexually.  

* I think to make a part two for this one, but I will only do it if I know that you had like this one so, I want to reach the 100 Like ! Go ! 

You was in a  mission in a very small and poor planet when you receive the sad news. Yondu, the outlaw, the banish, the men who had always be so nice and gentleman with you, have meet his death. He had die like a hero, saving the galaxy. A things you had never things you will hear about him, for being honest. But, you’re glad that he will be remember that way for the eternity.

For now,the only things you could do for him and his memory, is to join the funeral and by the same way, give your sympathy at Peter Quill and his crew. Of course, you knew that Peter had quit the Ravager camp for good. Becoming a official guardian of the galaxy. You had heard the story of his exploit a lot of time, in different place in the universe. Even if you had a hard time to realize that’s the man so heroic, is the same guys you had meet when you were a little teenager. And to be fair,you was a little proud of him. Just the fact that people actually call him star lord was a success in himself.

So,it’s with a knock in your stomach at the idea of this little reunion, that you program the auto pilot and get yourself ready and well dress.

You had wait the end of the ceremonial and the departure of the other team to send a request to aboard the old ship of Yondu. It’s take a few times but, you finally hear a mix of noise and voice answer your call. The really grow up and manly voice of Peter. “Hello, who are you ?”

Smiling, you reply couldn’t resist the urge to teasing him a little. “Peter Quills, if you don’t let me come in, I hack the communication of this ship and talk about that times you also shoot your own balls with a blaster” 

A small silence answer you,quickly follow by the opening of the door. Once inside, you feel like if you came back home. You knew that he was there, waiting you to come out of your ship and the nervous feeling in your stomach came back stronger. “Oh grow up make a women of yourself” You say, adjusting in the same time your own ravager red leather jacket. “No need to be nervous we are adult now…”

 Following your own advice, you get out by the side door, trying to not make a fool of yourself. The last thing you need right now, was to falling on your ass. You heard is voice way far before you truly could see him.

“Fuck Y/N, that’s really you ??” 

Turning on you heels your eyes meet at first his chest, way more bigger and higher that you remember. Then lifting your eyes for meet his, you couldn’t believe what you see. Well shit, with his curly strawberry blonde hair, his small beard and his big white smile in his face. The man had become a pretty muscular and attractive eyes candy. Without a chance to answer at the question, he lift you of the ground and give you a bear hug. Smiling, you put your nose on the crock of his neck, smelling his skin. After all this time, his odors has become more masculine, a mix of leather and whisky. But, the smell who’s trow you back in memory lanes was there, under all this, just in the surface of is skin. The Terran smell  you always associate at Peter and at your home.

Putting you on your feet, he openly study you from head to toe.

“ How have you manage to become even more beautiful !?” He said with a look who make your cheek blush a little.

“Well I guess, I can ask you the same, what happen to this slim and shy teenager who’s called himself Star Lord ?” You joke, smiling softly. 

“ He grow up and become a legendary outlaw and then a legend “ He reply, never release you of his arms. 

“ And a really modest man” You laugh.

“ Come with me, I will introduce you to the other.”

The meeting with the other was not that bad, after a few drink, you seems to know them like if you always be friend. 

“ How did you meet ?” Gamora ask, giving a tiny bowl of candy at baby Groot. 

Peter cross your gaze, drinking a slip of his glass.

“ We were teenagers, like sixteen or seventeen. She teach me a lot of things.” 

“ I had seventeen, and Yondu was already tired of always running into Peters used tissues.” You joke. “ My chief didn’t care to being seen with the banish gang so one day they meet in a tavern and well… They simply push us in this crappy hotel room for like two days. At first we talk, then I teach him how to dance.”

“ And she’s end up falling for my charm, so she finish by learn how good in bed I am. “ He grind, looking to remember that night. 

“ You kidding, you was so shy at first that you shaking just at touching my breast !” You laugh, winking at him in apologize for the embarrassing story.” But when Yondu had  free us that night you had reach the grade of great fucker. “ 

“ That’s a lot of years ago you know, now i’m a true God” He smile.

“ Eww!” Rocket shout clearly gross out by how the discussion had turn. 

“ Okay, I think it’s late now “ Gamora said, removing his hand of the invisible ear of the baby tree” I will put Groot in his bed, good night Y/N” 

Slowly, one by one, the left the cockpit, wishing you a good night. Letting you alone with Peter. 

“ I should leave it’s late” You finish to say, putting your glass on the table. 

“ Yeah, but…you…you don’t need to, if you want to stay, we have a lot of room here. You can even be in the same room as me if you didn’t want to be alone.” 

You smile a little, amuse of how much he change but didn’t in the same time. 

“ I know where you doing here mister Quill” You say, getting up of your chair, approaching of his. 

“ Well, who’s can blame me. You’re gorgeous and we have this past…” He grin, putting his hands on your waist, looking at you with lust in is eyes.

“ Do you think we will reach this room in time ? ” You ask, putting your lips on his neck.

“ I truly don’t care” He reply, grabbing your ass with his hands. 

“ My entire ship is not that far and we could be really loud” You propose closing your eyes with anticipation.

“ Why are we not already there then” Peter reply laughing, kissing you.  

Running to the ship, you laugh and stole kiss like if you were teenagers again. Entering you small bedroom, you help Peter to opening the manie zipper of your outfit, struggling to remove his. 

“ Do you remember how to open a bra” You joke, helping Peter to pass his t-shirt above his head.” Hot damn…where do you take these abs they look edible” 

“ I work them myself, and don’t worry baby, soon you will forget that you even wear one and your own name too” He reply, his voice full of promise, putting aside his now useless boxer.   

Biting your lips, you look a him head to toe, enjoying the beautiful view. Kissing his chest, you goes down starting to lick and kiss the more awesome abs ,event leaving him a hickeys before pushing him to the bed. Kneeling gracefully between his leg, you wink at him, happy to see his expression on his face again.   

Peter growl when you tongue touch the sensitive skin on his already hard, penis . Leaving a trail of kiss, you take him in your mouth, looking his face passing by a full range of emotion when you start to play with the rythme and the pressure of the sucking.

“ Oh Fuuck that’s good !” The man said,burring his finger into your hair.

But, after a few moment he give you the signal to stop before it was to late. Getting up on the bed,you crawl on him, smiling when he sit, meeting your lips in a kiss who make your toes curl. Removing your bra with one hand, his mouth goes on your tits that he take a true pleasure to torture of sweet supplice. Moaning, you arc your back when you feel his thumb push on your clit doing small circle. 

“ Peter…” You said on a sigh, you body tense with anticipation. “ Please”  

Raising your pelvis, he fist into you, taking immediately the good rythme to make you climax. Even after all this years, the little bastard didn’t forget about how you like to be fuck. He come and go become more and more quick, making your sensitive tits scrub against his chest. Soon, your scream and his growl was resonating in the entire ship. 

The hands of Peter was on your ass, helping you to moving faster. Of your mouth, a litanie of “ Fuck”, showing that you will almost reach your third orgasm of the night. But, this time, you felt it, It’s a really tornado of an orgasm who will take you. 

“ Come for me again baby” He whispered in your ear, his voice low by his own orgasm coming. 

It didn’t take you long, making you clench against him, feeling all you body releasing the pressure and feeling numb. He came a few minute later, pining you to the mattress, letting you heard the sexiest growl you heard of your life. 

Stretch out in the bed, you trying to regain your normal breath. 

“ Yeah, you had upgrade a little” You tease, a marvelous smile on you lips. 

“ Yeah, a little, say that to that three orgasm I just gave you “ He said, seeing clear in your little tease. 

“ Almost four “ You confess, passing a arms around his waist. “ Okay, Okay you win Star Lord” 

Laughing, he kiss your hair. 

“ Can you stay a little longer with us…I like to see you around” The man said, making you feel warm inside. 

“ That’s look like a good idea…Peter Quill” You answered, closing your eyes when the sleep taking you slowly.     

@anavengerstale

[veecubed]

Warning, this is going to be a long post. It’s going to be about a struggle I’ve always encountered with my body and my weight. So, now you know what it’s about, you can make a decision as to whether you want to spend time reading it.

I’m 6 months pregnant. I’m sharing a picture of me with a 24-week pregnancy belly. My husband has been receiving pictures like this for about a month, but I have been asked about my belly by others for quite some time and I just say it’s bigger than I’d like it to be at this point. I’m finally posting because I’m giving in to the pressure of so many requests. But it doesn’t come without real hesitation because I’ve had issues with my body and its shape and size for as long as I can remember.

Maybe it’s because I’ve heard comments about my size and shape from my family since I was a child. There was always talk about how skinny I was as a young kid (think elementary school years). Back then I had a great-aunt who I still remember to this day making a comment about “the hole” there was in the middle of my chest. I also became self-conscious of how my rib cage would stick out, which I just found out is called flared rib cage (I still call them my spares-as in my spare boobs), or how my hip bones would stick out, which I called my “guns” as in the guns you’d find on a holster. Then all my family could talk about was how much weight I had gained around the time I went into middle school (my timing may be off), which wasn’t much, but because I was so thin previously, I guess it was something you noticed. And so this type of roller coaster with my body shape and size went on and on as I grew up. Not to mention all the messages I received from society and the media about beauty standards and how I WAS NOT IT. My family would ask you why I  didn’t eat all my food but then also talk about how much weight I gained.

This still happens, by the way. For example, I need to make sure I eat, because I’m creating a baby, BUT DAMN my belly is HUGE! Seriously, these are real comments made by the people who love me unconditionally.

My husband is the only person (well honestly none of the men I’ve ever been in a relationship with have ever made me feel bad about my body, not one. Not one.) who has never sent me a message directly that my body was not OK or acceptable. I say directly, because, let’s face it, he’s a product of the same society that I grew up in. He and I saw the same music videos with the thin women, with big boobs as the sex symbols that all the guys want. I’ve seen his Facebook and Instagram feed, I see the kind of women that are featured, there isn’t a ton of body variety. He’s told he has to be muscular to be the definition of male beauty, so he gets his share of distorted messages. And like I told him the other day “as if your life would be so much harder, if my body was more toned or less fat”. Like, who are we kidding? We grew up in the same world. We got very similar messages about what attractive men and women are supposed to look like. Now, that doesn’t mean we are all looking for this in others, but let’s be honest, the leading men and ladies in most of our TV shows and movies and voted sexiest don’t EVEN remotely resemble someone like me and my body type.

Then I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. One of the results of which is weight gain due to a slow metabolism because my thyroid doesn’t work properly and as such cannot regulate my metabolism the way it should. Also, low energy and lots of fatigue which really hinders the whole “eat healthy and exercise more” mindset, since you are always too tired to cook for yourself or to go work out. But whatever, that’s a whole other post about having a thyroid condition.

I’m not sure anyone truly understands the constant struggle I face when it comes to my weight and body image. Well, actually, I know others can relate. What I mean is that I don’t really talk about it to others so they probably have no clue how I feel.  My husband comes close. He’s seen me at my absolute worst with this. He’s seen me cry and lose my shit because I was so tired of the weight gain, the mixed messages about my body and what I eat, the lack of education I truly have regarding nutrition at all and feeling like I have no control and have to choose between being happy and being thin which is so fucking complicated I can’t even begin to describe.  But here’s a try. In January 2017, I decided to give weight loss ANOTHER try. I started working with someone who would describe himself as a nutritional coach. Really he was telling me what I needed to eat in order to lose weight and because of my thyroid, I lost weight MUCH slower than many who don’t have this challenge. For example, most people lost twice the amount of weight in the same time as I did. I also had to eat A LOT less than most people on his program. I know this because he shared this with me. So It’s not my imagination or assumption. But, I stuck to it, for about a year. And I lost 30-40 pounds. My lowest weight was 117 pounds right before my wedding. This program required that I weigh myself every day, eat 5 meals a day, 2.5 servings of protein spread out over the day, 2 servings of starches (or carbs) only in the morning, 2 servings of dairy also just in the mornings, 3 servings each of fruit and veggies, 2 servings of fat, low sugar, low sodium, and as much water as possible (on most days I had about 90-100 ounces).  Oh and I had to send him a picture of what I ate every time I was about to eat which was every 2.5-3 hours. I made all my own foods every day. It became everything I thought about all the time.  But I lost the weight. It’s a lifestyle change, not a diet. These are healthy habits, not a diet. But the problem is, I was miserable all the time. I was obsessed with not gaining weight. I was SCARED to gain the weight back because I knew I was going to get bored. See, I was eating so little, and I had such a limited menu because of my lack of exposure to food that I got sick of the same shit, every day. Cut to the honeymoon and I weigh 125 pounds upon my return. Because I tried to enjoy myself, I gained almost 10 pounds in 10 days. I was never able to get back to 120 or less. And at one point, I was told “Rosemary is not 128 pounds, that’s not the new Rosemary”.  That kind of hit me. But, what if I am…why would that be so bad?

Let’s get back to this baby belly picture, one of the struggles I experienced was not knowing when I was “showing” because when I found out I was pregnant, I was weighing 135 pounds, which for a 5 foot tall individual, that’s being overweight, and well, that’s I guess accurate, because my stomach wasn’t flat and so I already had a few layers of fat on my belly before a baby belly would start showing. So here we go, the first thing I have to think about with my changing body---I won’t really know when I’m showing because I’m already flabby to begin with. Next, look up recommendations for weight gain. Well because I started out overweight, the recommendation is basically 15 pounds. FIFTEEN POUNDS?!? For the whole pregnancy?!? 10 MONTHS?!? The other recommendation is 25 pounds for someone who doesn’t start out overweight. Listen, I’m already stressed out at being 135, now I have to try and remain no heavier than 150pounds, and if I want to give myself a break then no heavier than 160 pounds! Cue the waterworks, the anxiety, the self-hatred, the panic, the fear. What do I do if I can’t control it? What do I do? What if my eating habits hurt my developing baby? UGH! And to make things worse, let’s add the holidays into the mix. I stop weighing myself because honestly, I just can’t stand to see the numbers anymore. Every time the weight goes up, I think, “Is it the pregnancy or is it that I’m just getting fatter”. I keep researching experiences by other women and I see how some complain about losing weight when they got pregnant or how others gained 60-70 pounds. Honestly, the thought of gaining 60-70 pounds makes me want to disappear. I can’t even. I don’t know what I’d do with myself. The thought makes me cry right now as I type it.

Let’s take a step back, about 6 months ago, I started to look for other ways to relate to food and my body. You know there is this whole movement about mindful and intuitive eating. In short, anything mindful and intuitive is attractive to me. Here’s what I’ve gathered so far about this movement: If we can get back in touch with ourselves and our natural hunger cues, we can determine what we need and when we need it. If I’m hungry, I should eat, but I should be tracking when I get full so that I don’t overeat. When I’m full, I stop until I’m hungry again and then I eat again. All the while making the best choices I can make and honoring what my body is needing. The idea is that your body will let you know, but the challenge is that because of the many years of terrible learning about food, we will have trouble figuring out what our body is really needing and how to nourish it correctly. Now, this is what I’ve gathered, I’m not an expert in this area. I do have a friend who might read this and is an expert and can give you more info if you’d like it. I don’t want to mis-represent anything. Anyway, I reach out to this friend at one point, and when she told me that she doesn’t focus on weight gain or weight loss, I retreated. I wanted to lose weight. And the idea that if I listened to my body and eat what’s right for it, then my weight would shift according to where it’s supposed to be, this is called set point theory, terrified me. Set point is the weight range in which your body is programmed to function optimally. Set point theory holds that one’s body will fight to maintain that weight range. Oh my god what if my set point is 150 pounds?! I can’t even fathom that. That’s not who I want to be. That’s where my thoughts automatically go. So I backed away from the idea of mindful and intuitive eating. Let’s complicate this further by mentioning that I grew up with a mom who was and is overweight, I guess for her weight it’s considered obesity. I can’t imagine what my being afraid to gain so much weight, must say to her. Although, she is one of the people who talks about my weight, too. Nobody is safe, I guess.

Honestly the first person to ever even mention something close to this was my husband, back when I was doing AIP and losing my mind. He said “but what if this is the weight you’re supposed to be” and that shit just bothered me to my core. The idea that I had to accept that who I was, was someone who was always going to be over 120 pounds even though, for my height, I should be between 100-120 pounds.

Flash forward again, over the course of the last 6 months, I’ve gone back and forth between I have to lose weight, I can’t gain too much weight, I’m ok at whatever weight I am, I’ll be OK no matter what, my weight doesn’t define me, I just can’t gain so much weight, and so on and so forth. I can honestly say that EVERY day my thoughts go through a variety of those ideas.

Thanks to the stupid idea of the new year and how we all want to lose weight, I’ve had 3 websites open over the last week which are about meal plans. I’ve decided to try another approach. What if I learned to eat nutritional options (expanded my experience with foods) so that I can make better decisions when I do get hungry? This is a real challenge when you grow up considering potato, lettuce and tomato to be the only options for vegetables. When every meal includes tons of rice or other starchy options such as bread and over the years those items have become known as a problem. So, I’ve decided to curate my Instagram: No accounts that focus on weight loss. No accounts that only show thin women as the standard (let me be clear, I said ONLY, because thin women are not a problem at all!). More body positive accounts. As a side note, I’ve noticed a real lack of diversity in accounts that focus on nutritional eating vs. weight loss as well. Where are my people of color?!? Again, a post for another day.

I’ve decided that I owe myself and the alien growing inside me the opportunity to eat more nutritionally, expand my variety, and TRY not to worry about what my weight and my body actually look like. Instead, I want to feed it the things it needs to work optimally. And not punish myself when I stray from that. That I want to finally accept myself no matter how I look. But, when you’re someone who is thin and that’s your set point, it’s a completely different reality from being someone who takes up more space in a world that punishes and judges taking up more space. It’s a different experience to love yourself when you fall into the weight range the doctors say you’re supposed to fall into and not just an idea of what you want to look like. I’m not saying it’s easier when you’re thin, I’m saying I just want it to be easier period. For any size.

The thing is, after 3 pages of writing, I want you to realize that, when I share a picture like this one, it’s not something that happens thoughtlessly. It’s something that I battle with (and probably others do as well) and that requires all of this thinking and feeling! Sometimes it’s just easier not to post it. You know? But, that’s not in line with my new body positive value that I’m working on developing.

Also, please don’t think that I need any feedback at all from any of you! I’m not looking for compliments. This isn’t a pity party. I don’t need anyone to make me feel better. I can do that on my own. Just ask my husband who is constantly TRYING to make me feel better and knows I do a better job than anyone at that task, although I love him so much for trying anyway. If you want to comment, go ahead, but don’t do it because you think that’s what this post is about. This post is more about challenging myself, being vulnerable, and sharing my experience, because you never know who can relate or who might need it.

[zutaralesbian]

1-100

Ahhh thanks!

1. How do you define your sexuality? Lesbian. 100% gay. I only like women. 2. At what age did you first realize that you like girls? I didn’t full come terms with my sexuality until I was 20, but I first started realizing I was attracted to women at around 17 or 18. 3. How out are you? Pretty out? My family and most of my co-workers and friends know. I just don’t have a GF yet and I probably pass as straight from a first glance, so people don’t usually know unless I tell them. 4. At what age did you first come out? 205. Who was the first person you came out to? How did they take it? My mom. She took it well. And wasn’t really surprised. 6. Has coming out lost you any friends? Yeah, one. I’m over it now but it hurt at the time. :/7. What is your current relationship status? Single *sighs*8. How many gay friends do you have? Four 9. How many male friends do you have? Outside my family, only two lol. And only one of them is cishet. 10. Have you ever cut your hair super short? I used to have my hair short when I was a kid but it’s been long since middle school. I think I look better with long hair. 11. How often do you wear flannel? Never. I feel like I should start wearing it though12. How much do you like cats? I LOVE CATS13. Do you like skirts and dresses?: Once in a while. I’m usually a strictly jeans person but i’ll wear a skirt or dress for special occasions. 14. Do you like high heels? Nope15. Do you have any tattoos? If so, how many and where? None yet. But I kind of want to get one one day. 16. How accurate is your gaydar? It’s shit lol17. Have you ever been to a gay bar or a gay club? Not yet18. How do you feel when platonic female friends refer to each other as girlfriends? It’s kind of annoying but I don’t really get heated about it? Mainly because I don’t think the people who do it actually mean any harm. 19. Have you ever had a crush on a straight girl? All I do is get crushes on straight girls lol :(20. Ellen or Portia? Ellen21. Is your nose pierced? Nope22 Would you ever want to get married? Yes I do. One day23. Will you wear a dress for your wedding? Probably 24. Would you ever want to give birth? I kind of want to do it once just so I can experience the whole pregnancy thing. But I probably won’t want to do it twice. 25. Have you ever watched The L Word? No. And I probably won’t, with the things I heard about it. 26. Have you ever dated a guy? I had a really brief relationship with one in high school27. How do you feel when someone uses the word gay to mean stupid, dumb, or boring? It makes me uncomfortable. I usually try to correct people when I hear it. 28. How many rainbow items do you own? One bracelet 29. Have you ever been to a pride festival? Yep! I went to my first last June months ago. 30. Have you ever celebrated National Coming Out Day (October 11)? Not yet. (Besides tweeting about it anyway)31. Have you ever participated in the National Day of Silence? Yes32. Have you ever worn a woman’s suit? No33. Have you ever worn any men’s clothing? No34. Do you eat meat? Yes35. Do you consider yourself a feminist? Yes of course 36. Who is your favorite LGBT celebrity? Samira Wiley 37. Are you religious at all? Not really. I identify as Agnostic. 38. How often do you find yourself trying to sneak a peak or staring at a cute female? Pretty often39. What is your ideal first date? Dinner or lunch at a restaurant. I like being able to talk to people on a first date. 40. Are you comfortable with terms such as lezzie, lesbo, or dyke? I’m okay with lezzie and lesbo (as long as it isn’t spoken in a malicious way or by a straight person) but I don’t like dyke. I’m obviously okay with other lesbians reclaiming it but I personally would rather not. 41. How outdoorsy are you? Not at all lol. I’m very much a diva in that sense. I need a clean bathroom and shower. And I hate dirt and bugs. 42. In general, has being out affected your relationships with other females? It hasn’t really effected how they interact with me, but I tend to be more cautious around women now, especially if they know i’m gay. Idk :/ I’ve only been out about my sexuality for about a year now so it’s just going to take some getting used to. 43. How much makeup do you typically wear? I wear it once in a while when i’m going to a large gathering or event of some kind. But I hardly ever wear it during an average day. And even then it’s usually pretty light makeup. 44. Have you ever been in a long distance relationship?45. Are you more feminine or more masculine? I have some tom boyish traits but I think i’m definitely a little more feminine than I am masculine. 46. How long is the longest relationship you’ve been in? Are you still with that person?47. Have you and a girlfriend ever been mistaken for sisters?48. Do you think it is possible for someone to truly be a 50/50 bisexual, or is the percentage always skewed in favor of one gender? I’m not bi so it’s not really my place to answer but if someone says they’re 50/50, they’re 50/50. Not my business. 49. Have you ever wished you were completely straight? Sometimes. My dating life was already a mess because of my anxiety but now I feel like being a lesbian is going to make it even harder to find a partner. But realizing that it’s what I am has also been more freeing too, because I no longer feel pressured to date someone I don’t want to date. 50. Do you watch any lesbian YouTubers? I don’t really watch YouTube in general, aside from occasional fan videos and randomness. 51. Do you like wearing combat boots or Doc Martins? Nah52. Have you ever been hit on by another female? There’s this girl at work who I feel like flirts with me but at the same time, i’m not sure because i’m shit at being able to tell lol. I also went on a date once, so there was some flirting there. 53. How athletic are you? Not at all lol54. How many girlfriends have you had? Zero :(55. What is your opinion of septum/bull nose piercings? They’re not my thing but some girls can pull them off56. What does equality mean to you? Equal rights for everyone 57. If you are not a full blown lesbian, about what percentage of the time do you find yourself attracted to other females? I’m a full blown lesbian58. Have you ever shared clothes with a girlfriend?59. Have you ever liked or dated a girl with the same name as you?60. How flirty are you? Not very, I don’t think. I try to be though lol61. Are you a virgin? Yes62. Do you listen to any LGBT musicians such as Tegan and Sara, Melissa Etheridge, or Chely Wright? No. But maybe i’ll check them out!63. Have you ever been told that you are too pretty to be gay? No64. Have you ever been discriminated against because of your sexuality? If so, please explain. Not on a personal level 65. Have you ever driven an SUV or a pickup truck? I hardly ever drive in general lol66. Are you or have you ever been a tomboy? I was definitely a tomboy as a kid. I’ve gotten more feminine as I got older but some of the traits remain.   67. Agree or disagree: Everyone is at least a little bit gay. Idk68. What personality trait are you most attracted to? Kindness. I just like genuinely nice people, especially with how much meanness there is in the world.  69. Boobs or butts? Boobs70. Beer or wine? I don’t drink alcohol very often, but wine. Beer is gross71. Do you have a favorite lesbian movie? I haven’t see any yet 72. From 1-10, how attractive are muscular women? 1073. From 1-10, how attractive are women who wear glasses? 1074. From 1-10, how attractive are women who are covered with tattoos? 1075. From 1-10, how attractive are curvy/plus-size women? 1076. From 1-10, how attractive are women with short hair? 1077. From 1-10, how attractive are masculine butch women? 1078. From 1-10, how attractive are highly intelligent women? 10079. From 1-10, how attractive are tall women (i.e. around 6 feet or taller)? 1080. Have you ever been on your period the same time as a girlfriend?81. Has a girl ever dumped you for a guy?82. Do you carry a purse? Yes 83. Do you have any LGBT relatives? Yep. One of my cousins is also a lesbian84. Have you ever pretended to be completely straight? Once in a while to complete strangers 85. Would you ever date a trans girl? Sure, if we liked each other86. How well do you think LGBT women are portrayed in television? We don’t get portrayed often enough. And when we do, there’s usually very minimal effort put into it :/ (PS: Watch Black Sails everyone!)87. Have you ever had a crush on a woman who’s much older than you? Yes88. Do you have any celebrity crushes? Samira Wiley, Ellen Page, Emmy Rossum, Adelaide Kane, Jessica Parker Kennedy  89. Do you have any opinions on LGBT people in the military? Don’t really have an opinion, other than that they should obviously be allowed to be in it. 90. Do you believe in love at first sight? No91. Would you ever have a threesome? If so, would a guy be included? Nope, ESPECIALLY not with a guy. I’m a strictly one-person girl. 92. Where do you think is the best place to meet a potential lover? Don’t really think there is a specific place. But then again, what do I know? Lol93. Is there such a thing as “good” lesbian porn? If there is, I haven’t heard of it. (Good as in: made my wlw FOR wlw)94. Have you ever had a one night stand? No95. How often do you wear a bra? All the time unless i’m in bed. It’s weird, but I feel kind of exposed without it. I also have big boobs, so not wearing one while i’m moving around can get a little uncomfortable. 96. Have you ever been part of a softball team? When I was really little. I sucked at it though lol97. If you could live your life all over again, would you still be attracted to other women? Yes. There’s some insecurities that I still have to work past but I overall love being a lesbian. 98. What stereotype about LGBT women do you disagree with the most? Not sure 99. What advice would you give a girl who is struggling to figure out her sexuality? Take your time and not to worry too much about it. It also helps to ask other LGBT+ about their experiences. 100. What advice would you give a girl who is struggling to come out? The same as above, pretty much. But also that their safety is more important than being “out”, if they live in a dangerous home environment. 

[angstywritten-blog]

My view on Wonder Woman (It was amazing)

I just watched Wonder Woman yesterday and I’m still trying to put my thoughts into words. It’s simply indescribable. I’ve never seen a movie where I laughed, smiled and cried so much. When I walked out of the cinema I felt so strong so empowered, so inspired. Patty did an amazing job out of this movie. Superhero movies are often meant to show or continue a character’s story usually along with a moral to the movie. Wonder Woman not only told Wonder Woman or Diana’s story beautifully, it truly brought a message across to the audience which was love. And its not just love for one person, its love for for humanity, for the world as a whole.

Wonder Woman gave me idols to look up to.

Diana who knew what she wanted and didn’t let a battlefield get in her way of saving others. That scene of her marching through the battlefield with her shield held in front of her, unafraid and confident. She was selfless, she had so much love in her heart. She respected Steve as an equal. She had empathy, kindness, optimism especially when she forgave Dr Poison at the end. She showed both vulnerability and strength, she was naive yet commanding. She wore her armor, sword and shield with confidence and that scene where she walks through the gala. She was beautiful, gorgeous not just because of her physical looks but mostly because she walked through the gala with determination and confidence. Even in the scene where she asked tons of questions in London, in the cave, on the boat about men about their society, even though the answers seemed obvious, it never made her look degraded as a person, it showed her charm as being unafraid to ask questions and willing to learn more (and she learns fast too). Plus, I loved that Diana was not shown to be slim or having a showy body, she was fit and muscular which was what amazons were supposed to be. Her geddup was not scandalous, she was proud to wear it not because it showed off her body but because she proud of her strength and that it was practical. It’s all this that adds up to her attractiveness. Diana has really inspired me and motivated me, she showed me the value of strength as well as showing your vulnerabilities. She showed me how to love how to sympathise with others. She showed me that just because I am a girl doesn’t mean that I can’t do spectacular things, like fight a war or save the world. She showed me how to believe in myself in in everything I do.

Steve Trevor was charming and not in an arrogant, egotistic, sexist sort of way. Steve embraced vulnerability. Having fought in the war for a long time and having seen the effects of war and the people behind it, he hadn’t had much faith in humanity. He started off being only focused on his mission but after meeting Diana, he sees humanity in a different light and gains hope in humanity. He respected Diana and encouraged her, he relied on her and helped her as well. He was never a lesser character alongside Diana, he wasn’t a higher character either, he was her equal. He was never depicted as a mere sidekick for Wonder Woman, he was depicted as a friend. The scene where Steve remembered the way the Amazons fight and used a metal sheet as a shield for Diana, that struck out to me. He believed in self-sacrifice and he was simple and smart which added to his charm. He was open-minded and he loved above all. His love for Diana didn’t make him weaker, t made both of them stronger. It was an amazing love story that was never forced and never toxic and just went gradually. It was Steve’s love for Diana that pushed Diana to believe in love. All in all, I learnt from Steve that its okay to be scared and to show it and the power of love. He stood for equality and acceptance, and he was so open to diversity. This shows his strength as a character because strength is not defined by how many strengths and how little weaknesses flaws and vulnerabilities you have but through courage in standing for what you believe in and the values that you hold.

Gal Gadot herself is Wonder Woman. She is genuine, honest, down to earth, and portrays Wonder Woman in such a respectful way. She owns the character with confidence and holds all of Wonder Woman’s values of selflessness, empathy, kindness, positivity/optimism and strength. She radiated the screen and was humorous and so invested in all of Wonder Woman’s vulnerability too. She pulled off her costume really well too. She is so passionate, so loving, so kind, so strong. She filmed parts of the movie whilst pregnant and let’s not forget she stood up for a boy who was being bullied for wearing a wonder woman shirt. She understands the value of love and acceptance in our society and she brings that out really well in the movie. She is definitely my favourite actor/actress as of yet.

And its not just the characters that are so in depth and well developed (the exploration of Charlie’s PTSD, Sameer who was a good actor but couldn’t be one because of his race and Chief who had everything taken away from him because of the white people), I found the depiction of war to be rather accurate and beautifully done. The landscapes, its effect on people (how they suffered from it), the weapons used (the mustard gas being noticeably used in World War I and depicted in Wonder Woman) and the complexity of the war itself. It shows us that war is not all black and white. The movie was beautifully written with the romance sub-plot and jokes not being forced at all. The side characters although they did not have as much screen time as Diana or Steve, all played very important roles in the movie. I was actually surprised with the twist in the villain, I actually did not see that coming but more emphasis was put on Diana and Steve in the movie which I think was good after all the villain (Ares) was not the main focus of the movie or the conflict. The focus was still on Diana and Steve, how they changed their perspective on humanity as well as humanity not being totally black and white.

I think above all what made this an amazing film was the messages Wonder Woman gave. Most superhero movies focus on the big difference between good and bad, bad and evil. Wonder Woman shows that there’s always more than one side to the story. Not everything is good and bad, black and white. There’s always the grey areas. In Wonder Woman, it was showed to us that we can’t blame everything bad that’s going on on one bad guy. Every side has their right and their wrong. It shows us not to assume that everything is necessarily good and despite that, there’s always going to be good in the world no matter how dark a time. It shows us the different sides of humanity, of us as people and opens our eyes to the world around us. Yes it tells us that there is some bad in the world but it also gives us hope that no matter what you can always find goodness and that really opened my eyes to new perspectives, to see things in a different light.

And of course Wonder Woman is about love. And its not just the strength of love between two characters (Diana and Steve which actually strengthen both of them and did not make them any weaker), its the power of love for others, not just our loved-ones or significant others but for everyone, even if they have done terrible things. Its about peace and accepting everyone no matter their background or their diversity. Diana said “Its not about what they deserve it’s about what you believe… and I believe in love”.  It shows us that the power of love can save everything that hate has no use in the world. Love can bring us together, love can bring peace.

Both the message on love and the world being not totally black and white gives a good anti-war story. It tells us that when we look at war, we can choose sides but neither side is good nor evil and that we should always consider the different perspectives. It shows us that in the end, people, humanity, are not necessarily evil but have good sides to them to and filled with love. It tells us that because of this love we should never give up faith and hope and that war is totally unnecessary. All we need to do is to learn to love. It tells us that war and hate is not the solution to anything and that only love can bring about peace. As gal gadot herself says that she wishes no country had the need for an army.

But Wonder Woman is not all about war or giving an anti-war message.

Wonder Woman taught me how to love others. They taught me how to view situations from other people’s perspectives and that they are not necessarily wrong or right. By analysing a situation from different perspectives, we get to know the reasons and motivations of another party which is one step forward to accepting them and loving them for we can never really love others until we understand what they are going through. But “not everything is black and white” and “love” is not only about viewing other perspectives and standing in the shoes of others, it’s also about optimism, hope and faith. After watching Wonder Woman I felt a new hope for the future that the word wasn’t necessarily bad with everyone trying to create terror or killing everyone. It has opened me up to good in the world which I had never seen. I see Ariana Grande bringing people together with the power of music. I see people of different colours, genders, sexual orientation coming together to celebrate diversity. I see a whole movie about a female superhero bring people together to talk about feminism, peace and love teaching kids about how to believe in themselves, the power of strength and vulnerability that will probably be remembered for years to come. Wonder Woman has taught me both how to see love and how to feel love and give love.

And one of my favourite things about Wonder Woman is the feminism. As a girl and a feminist I can say that I feel empowered. Wonder Woman has got me to feel proud about my body about my sex and gender. It showed me that even girls can fight, be badass or save the world. The scene where the Amazons were fighting together on the beach. Women, who were not slim or sexualised in anyway but fit and muscular, were fighting side by side together. Diana herself was not sexualised in anyway even in the choreographed battles. That scene where Diana saw a corset and was told that it was meant for hiding your belly but Diana herself who came from an island of women with good physiques couldn’t see the need for why anyone would hide any part of their body will be one of my favourite scenes ever. And when Diana told Steve that men are necessary for procreation but not necessarily needed for pleasure, was amazing. All without degrading men at all. Steve was still portrayed as being smart (and riding on motorcycles) but beside Diana, he along with Sameer, Charlie and Chief were not seen to be degraded. Diana may have been an all star but they were never useless and always seemed to be equal to her. Furthermore it showed us that men were allowed to feel vulnerable and to be scared to. Chief had everything taken away from him, Charlie suffered from mental illness, Steve had not much faith in humanity but they were still strong and carried on with their mission. It showed us that our vulnerabilities do not make us weaker but in fact can make us stronger too. There was even a switching of gender roles with the Amazons being muscular instead of petite and Steve being the one who sacrificed himself instead of a woman. Wonder Woman especially had a very diverse cast of different colours and races. It really empowers me that for once the women can be strong respected individuals with their own flaws but it doesn’t bring them down and don’t need men to rely on and that men can be vulnerable but strong. This movie was so open minded and accepting to differences. It really adds on to the message of love showing us that our differences don’t matter as long as we love and accept as well as to love ourselves too.

Wonder Woman has showed me that to be human is to love and that if we all learn to see love, feel love and give love, the world would be a much better place, after all “Only love will truly save the world”.

I just wrote a 3 page long essay on Wonder Woman (or at least its 3 pages long on google docs) and feel even more empowered. I hope people enjoyed Wonder Woman as much as I do and know that its only just a good movie with a good plot and well developed characters but also a movie with a strong message that has impacted my life forever. I see life and humanity so differently right now, in a new light. And definitely a brighter light. Wonder Woman has and will change my life and my viewpoints in many ways and I hope it did for you too. Patty Jenkins I applaud you, you have made a simply beautiful work of art and I personally think it should win an award especially for the message that it gives. I felt that the whole cast and crew were amazing. I love Gal Gadot she is amazing and Wonder Woman is now my hero. Continue to spreading the love everyone!