#truly six episodes is such a joke and like FOR A FINAL SEASON? ridiculous

[lovevalley45]

i’ll admit i know im on the second to last episode but i have a feeling im not gonna be completely satisfied by the ending. like it just feels so disjointed, viktor seems like the only one actually doing anything, lila n five are stuck in a subway maybe (??) having a romance plot line, luther n diego have been sent to the cia for a sitcom plot, and klaus is in a grave while allison looks for him. n like i mean ben is gonna end the world thru fucking but that is the plot ig. idk im just not seeing anyone have a super satisfying ending except for viktor working out shit with reggie atm

[maya-matlin]

So how do you feel about the fact that Riverdale as a concept was completely pointless in the end and we spent six years of our lives watching this nonsense just to get a ridiculous final season that has no real affect on anything that ever happened before it and leads up to an ending where we stay in the 1950s (how tf did we even get here really?!) And there are like no official endgames and the writers are going to hell? Because they are and I'm mad.

What is there to say? This show is a complete joke, and not even in a fun sort of way where we're all in on it being purposely cringy. These writers hate character development, have no real interest in wrapping up their stories in a satisfactory or even coherent way, and have been checked out for years. I don't know how we arrived at this exact point. I think to an extent, behind the scenes drama played a role. They wrote themselves into a massive hole with the time jump. Rather than having the characters work through their respective traumas and organically (ha) find their way back to the people they were meant to be with while on the path to being the best possible version of themselves, they seriously said "Nah, magic! Superpowers! Comets! The devil! ...The 50s?" So, here we are. At some point, presumably, around seasons 4 and 5, there was a plan in place for the endgames. Even the 100th episode sort of honored this original concept. I'd argue that was the last truly decent episode which is fucking sad. That's all gone to hell now. We've basically been watching people in their thirties and late twenties acting out fifties era, softcore porn while roleplaying as teenagers. Honestly, when you break down everything that's happened, it's not the biggest surprise that they're now taking the coward's way out and deciding that no couple will end up together. It's probably for the best, really. These aren't the characters we know. None of the ships have been well written, and that includes any that have been established (and yes, BA counts as a post time jump ship because come on) after season 4. I'm personally shocked the finale isn't going to end in a giant orgy. They're actually showing some restraint. But considering it's confirmed there are multiple universes, it's possible that somehow, there's a world where the characters we followed during the early seasons are alive and well, living the lives they were supposed to live rather than whatever the fuck this is. Here's to only having to subject myself to this shit for seven more episodes!

[fictionadventurer]

I must ask now!! Do you have any favorite moments or episodes or things about Get Smart? I love it, it’s a fun show!

Thank you for this ask. Get Smart was one of my first fandom loves (and believe it or not, introduced me to the concept of fan fiction), and I rarely get the chance to talk about it.

Since it’s been a while since I’ve rewatched any of these, I’m just going to list a few of my favorite things as they come to me.

Agent 99. She’s smart, confident, talented, extremely cool under pressure. A strong female character who is rarely dismissed as “just a girl” but who’s never “just one of the boys” either, so she’s a surprisingly great feminine role model.

Maxwell Smart. Balances that line where he’s a complete goof and a screw-up, but you’re still willing to believe him as the hero of this ridiculous spy story. (Now that I think of it, maybe this is where my love of Eleventh-Doctor-type idiot geniuses began. Max is no genius, but he’s surprisingly close to the this archetype at times).

Agent 13. How many ridiculous places can they hide this man? How many times can we listen to him gripe about his job? I’m delighted to say that the answer is Very Many.

Siegfried! It’s so weird that he’s only in a handful of episodes, because he makes such a big impact in the ones that he’s in. Truly the perfect foil to Max, with the same dedication to his job that sometimes leads him to over-the-top silliness.

How have I gotten this far down the list without mentioning the Chief? Truly one of the great straight men in television sitcom history. Can anyone rival him for the ability to say completely ridiculous spy jargon with a straight face?

The shoe phone is one of the all-time great spy gadgets. It deserves respect for being the first “cell phone” in television history, but also, it’s just such a great visual. It just looks so cool. I don’t care how impractical it is. I want one so badly.

The Cone of Silence! Another of the great spy gadgets! Always hilarious when it shows up.

Now for episodes. My top favorite is “A Spy for a Spy”. First appearance of Siegfried, and delightful for the way the story so nimbly escalates to ridiculous proportions. Also the source of some of my favorite jokes.

Close second is the “Man Called Smart” three-parter. It’s a pity this didn’t get made into the Get Smart movie it was supposed to be. A surprisingly solid plot with so many amazing moments. (That scene of Max trying to field calls from three different airport telephones at once is a classic).

I also adore the Coronia episodes. I’m a sucker for fictional royalty, and I  adore impersonation stories. The first episode with this premise is great, "To Sire With Love” is one of my favorites in the series. I love how it takes the usual premise of “the doppelganger falls in love with the king’s intended” by flipping the premise on its head. “Max pretending to be the king pretending to flirt with his own wife” has a surprising amount of dramatic tension for such a silly premise. And I haven’t even started talking about that final sword fight! It’s such a great example of a swashbuckling adventure scene that it’s barely even parody. (”He who fights and runs away shall live to fight another day.” That is just a straight-up fantastic villain line!)

The baby episodes! “The couple’s first babies are an unexpected set of boy and girl twins” is a trope I usually hate, but it’s used for a great joke here, so I’ll forgive it. Simon the Likable is such an amazing concept for a villain that I’ve stolen it for superhero stories. And 99′s mother! I have no clue how she and a guy who looks like Simon the Likable managed to produce a willowy, dark-haired daughter, but I don’t care about the genetics. She’s such a wonderful character; that punch she throws is one of the all-time great Get Smart moments.

I need to talk about the pilot. Picture this: I’d never heard of this show before. I was flipping through the channels, come upon what looks like a black-and-white spy movie. After confusion with the password, Max finally identifies Agent 99. After Max spends several minutes talking with this ultra-feminine woman, 99 takes off her hat to reveal chin-length hair. “You’re a girl!” Max shouts in surprise. “What is this?” I demand of my TV. I’d never seen a show place such a silly concept so seriously before, so the twist into parody threw me for a wonderful loop. A few days later, I’m talking to my friend about this weird show I saw, and she’s like, “I saw the same thing,” and we eventually identify the series that we both independently became fans of. I don’t remember the plot of the pilot anymore, but that moment (and: “New York Mets Win Double Header” “Are you 99?” “No, I’m six-and-a-half”) forever live in my brain rent-free.

I can’t finish this list without talking about the Sunbeam Tiger from the opening credits. That is such a cool car. I can’t understand why they changed it after Season 2.

[lia-nikiforov]

Spring 2018 Anime Final Review

So, uh, this is six months late. I’ve had half of this post in my drafts forever. To make it short, as I’ve mentioned previously, mom lost her job, which has not only been a heavy hit to my sense of stability for the last six months, but also means my time to watch anime was seriously reduced and even now a slight change of plans fucks up my whole schedule and sets me back for a full week. Anyway, nobody cares about any of these shows anymore so let’s get straight to it? I’m gonna ommit the two-cours that continued into the Summer - hopefully I’ll be able to make that post soonish? idk. Worst to best, same as usual

The crappy gender politics pit of shame

Darling in the FRANXX: I think everyone has ripped this show to threads at this point and there isn’t much I could add to that. It is quite funny to me to see how many people flipped out when the show went completely bananas in its last few episodes. Feels a bit like KADO, I’ve been telling y’all this was a ton of empty crap since episode 2, it just took the writing to completely self-destruct for everyone else to notice. A part of me feels tempted to do a long post breaking down just how badly the show collapsed in its final shebang, specifically how every single twist and turn completely nulled any remote kind of message or central thesis the show may have had, but at the same time it doesn’t seem worth the time. In the end, I may have given What is Internal Consistency, The anime way too much credit. It’s not hateful antigay propaganda, it’s just dumb as shits, with a writer and creators who didn’t think for half a second of the implications of what they were doing, and who were so incompetent they couldn’t even conserve the minimal plot and character coherency within a single episode, let alone 24. In other words, Darling isn’t saying “gays shouldn’t exist” but “I have no idea of anything regarding gay people”. What makes it egregious is that the show spent so much time acting like it was “meaningful” and “important” and yet it ended saying absolutely fucking nothing. Except mayb “have babies”. Down to oblivion you go, along with the likes of KADO, to the void of shows that couldn’t even be offensively bad and no one will remember a year from now. Bonus garbage points for the half-assed “bury your gays”.

Nil of Libra Admirari or whatever this show was called: I’m not trying to diss on the show, I just genuinely never remember the title because I have the JP and EN all mixed up. Not that it matters much, as far as I could tell, the show could call Shalabalabatuna and it would have the same significance in regard to the content. But the title isn’t important. In fact, it may be a bit unfair to have this show in this section. For the most part, Main Girl is very self-determined and has an active role in the story.... but then the last two episodes heavily featured a lot of rape threats or rape themes and forced pregnancy (real and threat) and I don’t really understand why they’d go there all of a sudden. One of them was treated relatively well, even empowering the victim in the process, but when the ikemen bad guy was rambling endlessly about how he wanted to impregnate the protagonist it really turned me off :/ I’m also not a fan of “main boy was her secret fiancé all along”, but at least they also handled that somewhat decently. It’s a very disposable series, but since I watched all of Amnesia, I think I owe every otoge adaptation at least the smallest chance to clear that very low bar, and Libra of Nil does it, more competently than most other stuff in the same genre.

Hisone to Masotan: I really, really wanted to love this show. Even now, as I put it in the pit of shame category, I’m pained. There was a good show in this, and a lot of it made it to the screen: an adorable, charming little story about a woman finding her place in the world, making new friends, finding her calling and bonding with an adorable dragon. Unfortunately, it got buried down under this opressing, horrendous gender politics that tried to do something with bringing attention to sexism in the military only to cancel it out making the one dude that embodied that sexism getting rewarded with the affections of a girl he explicitly tried to crush. It also called back on the virgin or whore fallacy and even managed to shove in a “bury your gays” trope. Even though Hisone challenges the ritual bullshit, it’s too little, too late, and she does end up carrying it out anyway, so the defiance to the status quo is of little importance in terms of problematizing the ritual itself. Sorry BONES, it wasn’t meant to be this time. 

The ni fu ni fa section

Ni fu ni fa is a Mexican colloquialism for “It was okay but it didn’t change my life.”

Binan Koukou Chikyuu Boueibu HAPPY KISS: This soft reboot of the franchise had some really great episodes and did an actually good job of developping its characters. For the most part, it achieved what its predecessor did in terms of satirical comedy and I enjoyed it quite a bit. However, what bunked it down so low in the list was the final episode. At some point, the writers forgot they were doing a parody and made the show somewhat self-serious, way closer in tone to the magical girl anime it was supposed to be making fun of, rather than the satire its predecessor was. Whereas S1 ended with the whole Magical boy stuff being revealed as a crappy space reality TV show, this one ended with a real cheesy conflict about happiness and family and blablabla. Which is not bad by itself if this were a Precure show, but that kind of self-serious plot development just didn’t work for this series. I still enjoyed it, and the fanservice episode is one of the best of the whole franchise, but I’m a bit sad the finale missed the mark so badly.

Hinamatsuri: Hinamatsuri was very hit-or-miss for me. There were some truly brilliant episodes, a lot of funny vignettes and heart-warming stories, and then there was some stuff that made me uncomfortable -like every single Hitomi story- or felt unnecessary and dry. It also threw me off that the superpower dynamic completely disappeared in the second half of the show, especially in Anzu’s part of the story. It was okay but I feel like I needed something that felt like a closing, and choosing to end it with Mao who featured very minimally in the show overall didn’t cut it. It’s a fun show, I’d reccommend people check it out, but it felt a bit too disjointed for me

Persona 5: The Animation: This is a hard show to place because I love the looks of it and I think the concept is interesting and pretty cool, but there is something that’s keeping me from connecting emotionally to the story. The part where changing the villains’ heart makes them repent from their sins and become “good” feels very artificial and very tasteless when you’re dealing with rapists and abusers. I ended dropping it at episode 16, I just couldn’t find the motivation to catch up with the 6 episodes i’d fallen behind on because my schedule is a tragedy

Tokyo Ghoul: Re: I guess it’s fair to say I’ve kind of outgrown Tokyo Ghoul. There’s something messy and confusing about how this season panned out, and there comes a point in which misery porn just doesn’t cut it anymore. I still watch because Ishida has a way to make every single goddamn character extremely sympathetic, which makes for an emotionally engaging viewing even when you’re not sure of what the plot is supposed to be or who you should be rooting for. I tried picking up the new season that just started airing and immediately found I had no idea of what was going on, who was on who’s side and in general, who the fuck were 90% of the characters, so I dropped it.

Nanatsu no Taizai: Imashime no Fukkatsu: I’ve mentioned it before, this second season had the opposite problem than the first one: the pace was too slow. It took more than half of it to get to Escanor, and then the season ends at a kind of random spot. I really thought we’d get further along on the story, since Gowther’s backstory was hinted at in the openings, but no such thing happened. They did manage to give us a variety of cool moments and fights, and I love Ban so his scenes with Zhivago and Elaine made me quite happy, though I really wish the romance between Elizabeth and Meliodas wasn’t su dubious and cringy. In light of some revelations that take place further along the manga, going out of their way to emphasize that Meliodas was a sort of mentor figure for Elizabeth when she was a toddler seems unncessary and just very squeamish. I do hope we get a third season though, and an OVA of the Vampires of whatever side story would be great too.

Rokuhoudou Yotsuiro Biyori: I was pleasantly surprised by this show, and it’s closer to being one of my top of the season than it is to “meh”. It had some weaker, cheesier segments, but it also managed great whacky moments and a genuine soothing atmosphere. What surprised me most is that the vanilla looking cast of moderately handsome dudes managed to develop into interesting, funny individuals with a dynamic that made every episode enjoyable. A solid reccommendation for anyone wanting to see delicious looking food and moderately handsome dudes being ridiculous. Also, the cat episode is the best episode of anime ever produced.

The I’m probably the only person alive who enjoys these shows

Mahou Shoujo Ore: This is a difficult show to place because it wasn’t quite as great as I wanted it to be and its parodic nature took me by surprise, but somehow I was still seriously entertained more often than not. The twists in the final quarter and the absolutely bonkers finale was a total riot, but I definitely advise caution before going in, given that some of the jokes may seem insensitive or in poor taste in regards to gender presentation, sexuality and there are even some mild harrassment jokes that certainly made me roll my eyes.

Yowamushi Pedal: Glory Line: I don’t know if anyone’s noticed, but I think through half of the show’s 25 episode run, I was convinced the title was actually Glory Road. It’s kind of anticlimactic that it’s called Glory Line if they don’t actually reach the final Goal btw. Anyway, I feel I say this a lot, but really, if you didn’t like the previous Yowapeda seasons, there’s nothing here for you, and if you did, you’re probably not gonna hop off this late in the game. This season does suffer from the same dragging than its predecessors, with the added issue of being quite pessimistic for no reason in about half the episodes, and a diminished presence for Onoda. I really wish they hadn’t dragged the Day 2 goal so long, I really hoped we’d see the end of the race, but no such luck I guess. Still love most of it and hope we get one more season or a movie to complete the story.

The favorites of the season

Golden Kamuy: In spite of its pacing issues, terrible animation and general clunkiness, I can’t help but love this show. When season 1 ended my feelings for it had mellowed quite a bit, but as soon as I picked up season 2 this Fall I just fell in love all over again. It’s fun, unique, over-the-top in some ways, incredibly grounded in others, and the dynamics between the characters are incredibly charming. 

Hozuki no Reitetsu: It’s hard to talk about this one because it feels repetitive, given how tonally the show remains just the same across its three seasons. It could’ve very well been a one-season, 36 episode show, for how little it changes in spite of the time that transpired between the first season and the second. But in short, the comedy continues to be as spot on as always, the Zashikiwarashi twins are the best addition to the cast. It’s definitely a show I could watch endless episodes off, and the rare case of an episodic series with no overarching plot that I can enjoy wholeheartedly. 

Card Captor Sakura: Clear Card arc: Over the course of the series, I’ve expressed a few concerns and misgivings about how the story of this 20th anniversary sequel was playing out. The final episode was particularly troublesome in that it left the story unfinished in spite of deviating from the manga. In spite of this, more than anything I’m very happy that this continuation still retains what made the original so special, that they captured the magic behind Sakura’s “everything will be alright” spell and gave us the chance to spend more time with these beloved characters and see their stories continue. The slow but sweet development of Sakura and Syaoran’s puppy love is a definite highlight. Needs more Touya/Yukito and Yue in general.

Piano no Mori: This show got heavily overlooked because it was kidnapped by Netflix (pls stop immediately), and then when it was finally unceremoniously dumped a month or two ago, it came under fire for the wonky CGI during the piano scenes -and it is indeed very wonky-. But beyond that, I found the story very engaging, especially because Kai is such a fascinating protagonist, his intense rivalry-friendship with Megane-kun (sorry, it’s been six months, i can’t remember names) is exactly the type I can’t help but root for. Kai’s participation in the final episode gave me goosebumps. I’m very happy we’re getting a continuation,  can’t wait to see how the Chopin competition develops.

Wotaku ni Koi wa Muzukashii: Sweet, funny and absolutely delightful from start to finish, Wotakoi was easily one of the highlights of the season. Although there were some aspects about Cosplayer-senpai and Yuri Otaku-senpai’s (I’m really trying to remember the names, I’m sorry!! ;---;) that didn’t work for me -namely the izakaya segment- Narumi and Hirotaka more than made up for it with their clumsy yet adorable romance. I spent the entirety of the amusement park episode screeching. I really hope we get a continuation -and get a chance to see more of Hirotaka’s brother and his gamer friend too- and that in general we can get more anime about adult stories

Megalobox: Who would’ve thought that a show that wasn’t even in my radar before the season started would’ve end as one of my favorites, possibly of the year? Even as someone who’s only marginally acquainted with Ashita no Joe and has no interst in the sport of boxing, I was completely enthralled by the style and passion of this production. As I said a bit above, intense rivalries are very appealing to me, and the build up in the tension between Joe and Yuri was almost palpable, their mutual respect gave me chills. Definitely the surprise of the season, made even better by its optimistic happy ending to contrast with its predecessor’s tragedy. Megalobox is a unique anniversary project that is closer to an homage and it works perfectly. Definitely check it out.

That’s it for the Spring season! I hope i can do the summer season this weekend and maaaybe even my watchlist for the Fall season. Fingers crossed i won’t get swallowed up in other stuff :’D 

[digikate813]

My Little Pony Re-Watch: Episode 29 Lesson Zero

* Now we’re officially in Season 2! And after the clusterheck that was “Return of Harmony”, I’m sure we’ll have a nice calm first step into the new season.

*So Twilight makes multiple overlong checklists of every single action she needs to take during the day. Yeah we’re still in the same show.

*I don’t see many people mention the slight upgrade in animation that took place from here on. Specifically the little auras of magic from the unicorns. They’re much bolder in their color now. And it’s easier to tell that the color a unicorn’s magic is determined by either the color of their eyes or their cutie mark. But most commonly the eyes. It’s a small thing I know, but it’s remained consistent. Which i really appreciate.

*Whoa! Whoa! What is with Spike’s tongue?! Has it always been that long? Is that a dragon thing they haven’t mentioned before?

* Twilight freaking out over being tardy. Getting her letter on a lesson in friendship to Princess Celestia. And she hits worrying about the worse case scenario territory, alarmingly quickly. 

*I know Fluttershy is much easier and a more obvious instance of coding a character with anxiety, but honestly episode makes me see quite a bit of that in Twilight. Just of a different kind. Twilight’s terrified of letting Celestia down, to the point of worrying over her every action towards and around her. And as far as we know, Celestia has done nothing to provoke these fears beyond just being the ruler of the land. So Twilight demands perfection of herself as the student of someone so important, and in the process sees the possibility of crewing that up as a proper cause for the ultimate punishment. It’s incredibly irrational, but that’s not how she sees it. And i can’t say I haven’t been in that mindset several times in my life.

*But even if this episode deals with what I consider a more intricate problem, it still has fun with it. Like playing up Rarity’s propensity for being dramatic. Her dramatic couch makes i believe it’s first appearance, and that running joke of her proclaiming things as “The. Worst. Possible.Thing!” is still an iconic gag.

*Twilight grabbing Rainbow by the tail with her magic is a very nifty trick. One that probably would ave come in very handy in the last episode! Just saying.

*And Flutterhsy’s aggressive “Massage” work! Yet another fun moment to see people’s reactions to.

*This is fun and all, but during all of it, Twilight is still worrying about trying ot find a friendship problem to report on. And just how much this obsessing is getting ot her is brilliantly built up by the more she gets panicked with each stop, and her mane slowly getting more and more disheveled. Leading to a subtle, yet very quick transformation by the end of the second act.

*When Twilight tells the others why she’s so upset, they brush it off as no big deal. Again, another very realistic depiction of this kind of situation. It’s easy to brush off anxious feelings as ridiculous, or no big deal. And yeah, the thing Twilight is freaking out about is not a big deal. But to Twilight it is, and at this moment, that’s what matters. Dismissing that and laughing it off is not goig ot make the problem go away, and with Twilight it only makes things so, so much worse.

*Yet again another moment I’m sure scarred many 7 year olds for life. Because it certainly freaked out many adults! Twilight’s meltdown and subsequent craziness isn’t as influential as Pinkie’s, but it certainly left it’s mark. The facial expressions are certainly more diverse and distinct in their insanity then with Pinkie. It really seemed like if they were going to tap this well again, they were going to really step it up 

*And what does Twilight do when she’s desperate for a quick solution? Mess with the minds of innocent creatures of course! And what exactly did she mean by this spell “works every time”?

*It’s funny and crazy sure, but it’s also a great demonstration of just how far things can go if you let your worries get the better of you. Impulsive actions could be taken and it could end up doing more harm then good if you don’t think your actions through. Something Twilight could definitely stand to learn.

*So does Big Mac still have the Smarty Pants doll? I’m surprised we’ve never seen it in the background or something.

*I love pretty much everything from Celestia’s entrance on. The girls realize why Twilight was so worried, and finally decide to take action and realize where they went wrong. Twilight realizes she had nothing to fear when Celestia reassures her that she’s a wonderful student. And both of the episodes messages are articulated perfectly.

*Celestia assigning all of the Mane Six to write letters to her on the magic of friendship. A clever way to make future episodes more focused. Keeping up the pace with the growing ensemble cast without having to find a way to stick Twilight in every episode.

*This is why Spike is truly a Number One Assistant! He saw how worried Twilight was, realized he couldn’t get through to her and calm her down, so he contacted the only pony he knew could ease her worry. That is the proper course of action Spike. Even if you don’t think someone who’s in that head space has anything to worry about, you still take their feelings seriously. Well done little dragon. I applaud you!

This is another episode that is widely regarded as one of the best in the series, and I can easily say I agree! The shift in tone, especially in terms of humor, could have seemed out of place, but they take the right steps to make this outrageous and hilarious, without losing the point they’re trying to get across. Which is even more admirable since this episode had two messages to juggle, and it’s handled with expert precision. It’s one of those episodes i feel is very important for both kinds and adults. Plus another pony completely lost it. So there’s that. It would be a while before w had another pony mental breakdown like this, but the fact that it’s not only happened so many times, but will happen again, makes me think the folks over at DHX might want to talk to someone. Next Time: Luna Eclipse!

[krytus]

I think I might start watching bf5 so can you tell me why I should watch it

bro you’re going to get a giant block of text because hot wheels battle force 5 is a series that is really near and dear to my heart.

ok first off the plot is kinda simple but it’s really fun: it’s a group of six teens that have to drive cars real fast and battle some aliens. the second season gets more complicated but its. fun.

the aliens are called the sark (robots led by a tyrant), and the vandals (tribal dictatorship). there’s never any doubt about them being evil—not only are they conquerors that have destroyed worlds, the vandals practice slavery (which is a minor spoiler) and the sark are led by zemerik who is. just a fucking asshole. however, the show plays with this tradition model of heroes vs villains a lot in s2: zemerik Because Of Reasons ends up on the heroes’s side. this does not mean they trust him. they have to help kallus (the leader of the vandals), too, but they know for a fact the second there isn’t a greater evil to unite against, they’re back to throwing fists. 

there’s another race of aliens called the sentients which are like. gods. they created the universe and all the battle zones—this is the place where our heroes fight/race the bad guys. also ps battlezones are some of the COOLEST concepts we get out of this show. they’re usually unique in design but there are reasons our heroes sometimes revisit them that makes narrative sense. battlezones are unlocked by battlekeys, and getting the battle key is pretty much the premise for every episode in s1, except for a couple near the end that build into the main conflict of s2. anyways, back the sentients. they’re dicks. i don’t trust them. they also have slaves but it’s like. lowkey slavery? it’s. yeah. also, they are 2 kinds of sentients: the blue ones and the red ones. the red ones you THINK are dicks but then u find out the blue ones. weren’t that nice either. so it’s. spicy. sentients also had like. a couple of civil wars.

anyways, let’s talk about our main heroes!

there’s vert wheeler

he’s kind of a dork and you can tell he’s probably like. 18. he’s the leader and he’s kinda arrogant but he always manages to keep his team together. he makes bad jokes sometimes and you can argue he’s a little op but honestly? as skilled as he is he clearly needs a team at his back. i stan him so hard. he drives the saber which is a car with a chainsaw on it. a chainsaw.

vert’s second is command is agura ibaden, this beautiful lady:

she made me into a lesbian. she doubts herself sometimes and gets a couple of episodes about learning to be in control and eventually she’s a great leader in her own right. she drives the tangler which is a beast of a vehicle and she’s good at planning and hitting the enemy in ways they don’t expect. i love her so much.

next up we have the cortez brothers, spinner and sherman.

they’re latino but it’s implied they’re mexican because spinner’s gamer name references a specific city in mexico. also, side note, bf5 was ridiculously popular in mexico. like. reruns every other hour. it was the life. but anyways, they’re the technical brains of the team. spinner is good with computers and sherman is an engineering genius. although they’re both the tech support, i love that they have different skills!! they love each other very much but they also get on each other’s nerves. in one episode they dare each other to eat increasingly gross things it’s hilarious and they’re peak sibling culture. also sherman is big and still the brains! there are however a couple food jokes about him which is :( but they’re not like. his entire characterization! he’s complex and i love him. they drive the buster which is. basically a tank. 

anyways, next up is zoom takazumi, resident ninja

alkjd actually he’s a mixed martial arts fighter! he’s the youngest and i would protect him with my LIFE. also i don’t have the episode on hand right this moment but he’s south asian! yay diversity. he gets flak for being the baby of the team but he really finds himself and he’s an awesome scout. also i love alessandro juliani, his VA so. stan him. he drives the chopper which is a bike that becomes a helicopter. i don’t make it sound very cool but it IS.

we also have stanford isaac rhodes 

he’s our moron representation. he’s vain, self obsessed, and thinks he should be in charge (the villains literally. know him as “the vain one” it’s hilarious). if the writing for this show were weaker, i’d hate him. however! he learns to not be such a dick. he becomes ride or die for his friends. as much as he thinks he should be in charge and clashes with agura, he learns to be better! i appreciate this dumbass white boy. he drives the reverb which has guns. a car. with sonic guns. this show goes ridiculously hard.

in s2 we get two more characters, tezz and aj. 

tezz volitov is like stanford, but ridiculously smart. he strands himself on an alien mood at the age of NINE, and spends the next 9 years alone. it’s kinda sad. it takes him a while, but he eventually learns how to be a good teammate and i love him so much. he’s also russian, i think, but he’s. probably not white? it’s complicated. this is an issue i got with the show but i’ll tack it onto them wanting to be diverse whilst being white people. tezz drives the splitwire which i. legit want. it’s so fucking COOL.

finally, we have aj who i dont have a gif for, i just realized. he’s white n blonde, tho so. just imagine that. he doesn’t have too big of a role in the series, but he’s vert’s friend so i trust him and also the times he does show up he doesn’t steal the spotlight or anything, which i respect. they knew he was a bland white guy and they committed to that.

but yeah the characters are really interesting. also, the animation? is god tier for a show from 2010 that had the graveyard time slot. there are so many little details and the SCORING IS TO DIE FOR, also the way they color skin tones? is something you rarely see in 3D cartoons. they understood that dark skin in different lighting doesn’t react the same as white skin. there is no moment in the show where you can’t see the difference in the skin tone of the characters. it’s amazing and i love it so much.

a couple of details from the animation bc i love it

but yeah! this show is very colorful and what i call “lovingly animated”

another great things about it are. the jokes. the way they write dialogue is literally. to die for:

“bro, what would you do without me?” “live to see my next birthday”

“who wants to help me destroy a pack of killer robots?”

“a great warrior has fallen. an ally, an enemy, but, mostly a dismal failure, and a loser”

“believe it or not, i’m too exhausted to humiliate you”

“you’re risking our lives based on artwork made of STICK FIGURES?”

“if a 50ft statue of one of us showed up in a battlezone, what would we do?” “i’d blog about it” “no one reads your blog”

“the brains of this operation?” “he’s the left hemisphere. i’m the right”

some of them have visual elements which i love in jokes!!

but yeah. this is long enough i guess.

to sum up:

diverse cast

great animation

great music

solid plot

solid writing

funny joaks

some AMAZING foreshadowing 

the webisodes are funny and cute

the theme song SLAPS

WORDBUILDING TO DIE FOR

there’s so much i’m leaving out because this show is SO MUCH AND SO GOOD but yeah. i made some gifs if you want to see the flavor of this show

there’s no romance like. at all. the focus is solely on the action and i love it

however, i am known for being a salty little bitch so issues™

could have used more women

there are a couple of jokes which are kinda cheesy

the diversity is the kind written by white people so take that as you will. also it’s a show that’s like. as good as white people can write. nothing super revolutionary.

it doesn’t entirely have. a solid ending. it has a tv movie that wraps it up but 1. it’s in spanish (yours truly wrote a translation) 2. it includes a cliffhanger which was. unnecessary. it’s more that they wanted to leave the door open for more but. didn’t make it. however! all the main conflicts get resolved so it’s not too a big issue

there’s probably more stuff but honestly? it’s a solid kids show. flaws n strengths. i love it

[mst3kproject]

The Giant Claw

This is exactly the kind of movie that makes MSTies think fondly of our favourite show.  It’s got Jeff Morrow from This Island Earth, Mara Corday from The Black Scorpion, Morris Ankrum from Rocketship XM, Robert Shayne from The Indestructible Man, a Portentious 50's Narrator who likes to ramble, and a monster you won't believe even after you've seen it.  I was hoping it would be picked up for Season 11... maybe it'll make Season 12.  I can just hear the guys singing the title along to the opening music sting, or whining but I made sandwiches! on behalf of the female lead.

Some object as big as a battleship is buzzing around North America, destroying airplanes wherever it goes!  First it's a search plane over the Arctic, then a transport on its way to New York, then a plane full of men who attempt to parachute to safety, but don't quite make it. Whatever it is it can be glimpsed as it passes, but doesn't show up on radar.  Talk of flying saucers abounds, but eventually engineer Mitch MacAfee and mathematician Sally Caldwell discover the horrible truth: it's a giant anti-matter bird from another galaxy! Even worse, it has come to Earth to nest – we must destroy it before its eggs can hatch, but how do we do that when its antimatter shield annihilates any bullets, rockets, or missiles we can fire at it?

You will find quite a few reviews of this movie online and nearly all of them will focus on the same thing: the monster.  And I will admit up front, The Giant Claw's monster deserves every word of incredulous derision that has ever been heaped on it.  It is ridiculous.  Imagine The Muppet Show doing a sketch involving a none-too-bright vulture.  Picture what the vulture puppet would look like.  That is the monster from The Giant Claw. Godzilla would have laughed at it.  It has bulging eyes and a tuft of hair on the top of its head.  It has a ridge down its back like a dragon and I think its call is just somebody yelling “squaaawwwwk!” into a microphone.  It has teeth. Its feathers look like the whole puppet was shipped across the country in a box full of newspaper and nobody bothered to straighten up its plumage.

In short, it looks like this:

Where was that bad boy in your Gargantuan Panoply, eh, Jonah?

You may have heard the story about how the company originally contracted to do the effects just pocketed the money and ran off, leaving the production company to buy themselves a bird from a shady company in Mexico for whatever they could scrounge from their couch cushions.  You may have heard that the actors had no idea what the monster looked like until they saw the movie for themselves at the premiere, whereupon they snuck out of the theatre and went to go drink the humiliation away.  I have no idea if any of these things are true, but they're such well-trodden ground that I don't feel like going over them again.  Instead I will talk about the non-monster parts – because frankly, those are pretty hilarious, too.

For starters, there's another thing a lot of reviews talk about: the narrator.  Like The Beast of Yucca Flats or The Atomic Brain, The Giant Claw has an intermittent narrator who doesn't always make a whole lot of sense.  In fact, the opening scene, in which Mitch becomes the first to sight the bird during a test flight, only to be accused of playing a practical joke when it doesn't show up on any radar, is entirely narrated.  This is very odd, since this is the part of the movie where we ought to be meeting the characters and establishing the conflict.  You would expect it to be the part where it's most important to show us things rather than telling us – telling can happen later when we have some frame of reference for what we've been told.

I can't imagine any halfway-capable writer doing this intentionally, and the writers of The Giant Claw (Paul Gangelin and Samuel Newman) do seem to have been at least halfway-capable.  They both had fairly long careers, Newman writing for television and Gangelin penning, among other things, one of the Rathbone/Bruce Sherlock Holmes movies.  The dialogue in The Giant Claw is awful, including such fantastical down points as 'follow the pattern', the mesonic atom, and 'get me my pants, will you, General?', but the story is linear enough and follows the standard monster-movie beats: first sighting, rising action, supersitious yokel connects the creature with some local legend, the military is useless, all-out destruction, and finally the world is saved by technobabble bullshit.  It's never great (in fact it's barely mediocre), but it's functional – except for that truly abysmal beginning.  I can only imagine that something must have happened, like they ran out of time or money and simply could not shoot the opening of the movie properly.

The narrator also has a favourite word, which quickly becomes the whole movie's favourite word: battleship. I think The Giant Claw uses the word battleship more than the actual movie Battleship. Whenever the narrator wants to tell us that the bird is big, he calls it as big as a battleship. Mitch MacAfee describes it as big as a battleship. Sally and the skeptical military brass derisively call it his flying battleship. The word is used so many times, it actually starts to do that thing where it stops meaning anything and becomes a mere noise.  Az bigazza baddle shipp.

When the movie tries to talk about science, what comes out of the characters' mouths is very nearly complete gobbledegook, with a few physics words thrown in to try to sound plausible.  It rarely even reaches a Star Trek level of scientific accuracy, except in one notable case, where it is very much better than Star Trek. Remember the episode The Alternative Factor, in which a guy is travelling between matter and anti-matter universes?  Spock does explain that when matter and anti-matter meet, they annihilate each other, but the writers totally failed to understand how this works.  They seemed to think that a person must meet his or her own duplicate in order to annihilate, whereas in the real universe any proton can annihilate with any anti-proton, any electron with any positron.  This is how it works in The Giant Claw, as the bird's antimatter force field destroys all the matter it encounters.

The movie also throws a couple of surprising bones to the idea of the bird as an alien. Talking about the feather he's examined, staff scientist Dr. Noymann notes that he calls it a feather because it looks like one and appears to be functionally analagous, but this is not strictly accurate, any more than it would be accurate to call a pterosaur’s pycnofibres 'hair' just because they serve the same insulating purpose.  There is also a scene in which Sally and Mitch discuss whether the bird eats, and conclude that it somehow draws energy from the vehicles it destroys, but not through internal digestion.  When so many films assume that extraterrestrial life will both look and function like Earth life, it's nice to see even a bad movie note that we can't take this for granted.

Although there are exceptions, like Reptilicus or Starcrash, I've generally found that the best bad movies are those that really are earnestly trying to say something even if they don't succeed.  A lot of reviewers seem to think The Giant Claw is a fairly empty movie as well as a hilariously terrible one, but I'm not so sure that's the case.  Rather than just being about a giant buzzard and some extremely crummy models, this is a movie about science, about seeking a rational explanation, about eliminating the impossible to settle on the merely improbable, and about how when things don't make sense it probably means you're on the verge of an important discovery.

When the bird is first sighted, people try to write it off as a practical joke on Mitch's part, because who ever heard of a bird az bigazza baddle shipp that doesn't show up on radar?  Even when it's clear something weird is going on, people complain it doesn't make sense: Sally lists possible alternate causes for the airplane accidents that keep happening but dismisses them all, and one of the military men grouses that MacAfee might as well tell him that 'black is white and two plus two equals six'.  The characters make progress not by dismissing the events, or by blaming paranormal phenomena like flying saucers, but by studying the evidence.  The photos from Sally's weather balloons and the shed feather tell Dr. Noymann that it is a bird, that it comes from space, and that it uses anti-matter for defense.

Never mind that these conclusions are way sillier than flying saucers and that the 'science' that supports them is bullshit.  The point is that you need to have the facts before you can move from them to how to deal with the situation.  Once they know what the bird is and what it's made of, things like the ineffectiveness of traditional weapons and the radar invisibility make sense (at least in the world of the movie) and Mitch and Sally can use their knowledge of physics and mathematics to come up with a plan that works.

In the real world, a lot of scientific progress happens when things don't seem to make sense.  Einstein couldn't reconcile the speed of light predicted by Maxwell's equations with the structure of space as predicted by Newton, and out of this seeming contradiction came relativity.  Nowadays science has a similar problem with the incompatibility of relativity and quantum mechanics, but scientists know from experience that this means there's a better theory out there that we just haven't found yet.  When the world doesn't seem to make sense, it's actually just telling you to dig a little deeper, because the next layer down will blow your mind.

Not bad for a movie about a giant anti-matter bird from another galaxy.

[a-reocurring-dream]

This is NOT okay.

So, earlier I said that I would write about the “UNCOUNTABLE loose ends” in this episode. But I do not only want to write about that; I want to get those shitty doubtful thoughts out of my system, too, because I’m aware that they are WRONG. Because Moftiss did it wrong. And we don’t and never have.

Yesterday evening truly devastated and traumatised me. I’m not joking here - I still feel like reality comes crashing down on me. And I’m aware that you all out there reading this post might feel the same. It’s a shame how things turned out. And there are countless reasons for that.

THE FINAL PROBLEM

Where should I begin this? It’s painful thinking about it, but well, it is what it is, here we go.

At first, I want to talk about the time before the BFI screening:

Moftiss repeatedly stated over all the years that this show wouldn’t be about the cases but the relationship between Sherlock and John.

Everybody involved in the show promised this to be the best episode so far. And we believed them.

They protected it from spoilers vehemently (a promo picture was even removed from many blogs by the use of lawyers), so The Final Problem was the episode we knew least of.

They said that it would be “groundbreaking”, it would “write television history”, it would be “beautiful”, a massive “rug-pull”, “insane wish fulfillment”, “something that’s never been done before” and many other things.

Benedict said at Comic Con, “Love conquers all.”

Amanda even promised us a kiss via Twitter-emoji-hints.

Mary died in The Six Thatchers and The Lying Detective was all about reuniting John and Sherlock.

Arwel still tweeted elephants after The Lying Detective.

What else would we think but that The Final Problem would be about Johnlock?

Then, there was the BFI screening without NDAs and a lot of other weird things happened: The episode was leaked by Russia and Turkey within less than a day and the people involved with Sherlock twittered about it - “please, do not share #KeepMeSpoilerFree”. No lawyers at all. It felt so ridiculous. I didn’t watch this episode, because everyone said that it would be as absurd as the fact that it was leaked twice WITHIN ONE GODDAMN DAY - Clue-theory was swirring around. Nearly everyone was convinced that the leaked episodes and the one of BFI were fake. I mean, under given circumstances, who would not?

Nobody would stay that calm and be that careless with their “best” episode after being so protective about it, if there was no plan going on under the surface. Nobody would just go and say, “Oh, well, what bad luck! But hey, c’est la vie. Let’s inform all our followers about it and ask them not to share that information we just shared with THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE.” Nobody would say, “Just some days left, fuck the final sprint of keeping secrets now, it doesn’t matter anymore, does it, I don’t mind all the effort we took to create this season - oh, yes, and all the previous ones, too, sure. Even though that is ‘everything we’ve been building up for for the last seven years’.”

Oh, you’re telling me that this is exactly what happened? Oh, okay. I see.��All plausible. Wait, WHAT?! olaenwoywehdaejf

I wanted to believe in Clue-theory so deeply. I still do. I still want to believe that our Dads are so clever. I want to believe that they love us as much we do(/did).

And then, yesterday’s episode aired. And it was already the first scene that told me that the next one and a half hours would be horrible and hurtful. Honestly, the first half hour I repeatedly felt the urge to cry, as I was forced to watch what the creators did to our beloved characters and show. When they brought in Oscar Wilde, I almost bursted out into tears. And everything was like a cheap joke, a not-so-scary version of Saw and The Ring. NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING really reached me emotionally, not even the reveal of Redbeard actually being Sherlock’s childhood best friend who was killed by Eurus. I was so caught up in the shitty, teary feeling that they messed up the whole series. And the ending ... the ending literally tore my emotional life apart. Why is Sherlock visiting Eurus to save her twisted psychopathic psych? Why the fuck are they are playing a violin duett? Why are Mycroft and his parents there, watching like it was a redeeming moment? Why does the coded blackboard say that they trolled us? What do they mean by that? And why does Mary say that it does not matter who Sherlock and John really are, that all that matters is the legend, the cases, the adventures?

Everything in there is ridiculous and unreasonable. I don’t know where to begin. It’s better I leave it like that and point out some of the highlights:

Mycroft’s umbrella is actually a gun disguised as a sword.

John Locke cried blood red tears. (Me, too.)

Mycroft and Moriarty were in contact. Mycroft invited Moriarty to Sherrinford in order to give Eurus her ... Christmas present - five unsupervised minutes with Moriarty. Moriarty and Eurus planned everything on from The Reichenbach Fall - predicted everything, FIVE YEARS. Within FIVE MINUTES. (Didn’t see that coming.) They even predicted that Sherlock would choose to shoot Mycroft. No more words needed.

The Three Garridebs were just adapted for the sake of ... their names?

Eurus forces Sherlock to call Molly and make her confess her love for him. Molly refuses, saying Sherlock has to say it first. Sherlock says it - that’s what we get to see in the trailer #2. Why. Just why. I don’t ship Sherlolly, but even my heart was broken by that scene. Sherlock freaked out after that and so did I.

John was put in a well by Eurus and chained to the ground - but he could climb up a ladder as soon as it was put there.

Eurus was the fake girl on the fake plane. Btw, that girl was played by the same actress that has already taken part in A Scandal In Belgravia.

Sherlock “has always been the grown-up”?

Sherlock ... “forgives” Eurus? He ... “feels responsible” for her now?

A MESSAGE TO EVERYONE WHO’S IN NEED

Either Moftiss trolled us all along, being the worst LGBT+ supportive, queerbaiting sadists in tv history, or they’ve fallen victim to the success of their show, the heteronormativity, as Mary’s “Missed You”-message implies.

Either way, all that matters now is: We weren’t wrong. We believed in something. And as for me, I still do. I won’t stop that. Because this whole episode was created by heteronormativity. This is not the show, not the characters we’ve known and analysed for years now. And I think Moftiss are secretly aware of that, too. What I’m trying to say is: The Lying Detective even confirmed the drink code, the romance. That was so much. Nobody can take these triumphs from us. And TFP shouldn’t ruin the smart revolution we have built up with our knowledge, our minds, our beautiful and clever community.

I especially want to thank:

@quietlyprim: Thank you for your remarkable videos and sharing your belief with us. <3 You’re charming and beautiful.

@loudest-subtext-in-tv: You’re brilliant, your points are mind-blowing. <3 Never stop analysing and writing meta.

And @ all the others, TJLC and Johnlock-believers out there who may be reading this post: Never despair; you deserve so much better. Keep what this community gave to you - a family, revelations, emotional journeys, brain-stormings and so much more. I love you all. You can all be so proud of ourselves.

[alexander-mormont12]

TV shows that became unwatchable with age

Looper Staff

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be, and sometimes, it turns out that the TV shows you used to love actually weren't worthy—and when we no longer see them through the warped lens of memory, it becomes clear that they don't stand up. Not all television is built to last, and here are a few old shows that have served their purpose and should never be rerun again.

Doctor Who

Before you get too upset, let's be clear: we're talking about the original, pre-modern version of Doctor Who. While much of the series' continuity and long-running themes were established during the days of Hartnell, Baker, and McCoy, it's difficult to sit through a three- or four-hour story arc with rubber monsters and a floundering Doctor. Sure, some of it has a bit of value for the ridiculous alien costumes alone, but for viewers accustomed to modern production values during an era in which television has risen to an art form, the camp and general plot-holery make the show hard to endure. Vintage Who barely stands up against Star Trek, and that's some serious camp. Just sit down and watch "Time and the Rani." If you make it out alive, you've probably used up one of your regenerations.

Daria

Many kids of the '90s look back on their grungy years of sarcastic indifference with a bit of regret, but at the time, nothing was cooler than casual nihilism. Emblematic of that attitude was Daria, the Beavis and Butthead spinoff that focused on the duo's smart, seemingly utterly indifferent classmate. At the time, it was relatable animation for people who were stuck between being kids and being adults. In retrospect, we know that Daria's unrelenting 'tude was an obstacle to valuable life experiences, and it can be hard to watch today—not to mention that every other character in the show is obviously a terribly broad caricature of high school stereotypes. And it seemed so real at the time.

Scrubs

At its best, Scrubs offered an entertaining comedy counterpoint to the glut of medical dramas on television. And there was even a time when Zach Braff's Dr. John Dorian was a sympathetic character whose everyday trials and heart of bronze was kinda worth watching… but as the show progressed, Dorian became less and less likable—and less insightful during his endless monologues. Finally, Braff left the show partway through the ninth season, leaving it to limp awkwardly to an anticlimactic conclusion.

Full House

If you were like most kids in the late '80s, you were probably parked in front of ABC's family-friendly TGIF block every Friday night. And your parents probably hated every second of it, because a little bit of Steve Urkel's insatiable lust for cheese goes a really, really long way—and Full House's saccharine morality and terrible puns were always hard to stomach. A hundred terrible catchphrases later, we're reminded just how awkward and unfunny the original show was, especially now that the series' continuation, Fuller House, has been given a second season on Netflix.

Married... with Children

Pushing against the borders of television decency was a pretty risky thing to do back in the days of Married… with Children, and no one pushed harder than Fox's original hit sitcom. That level of borderline-repulsive sass was something different in the '80s and '90s, but watching the exploits of Al Bundy now, it's clear that the program was pretty much an equal mix of embarrassingly easy fat jokes and sex jokes… and nothing else. Seeing what Ed O'Neill and Katey Sagal are truly capable of as actors just makes the broad, lowbrow junk of Married more embarrassing to watch. While it has a place in TV history, it should probably just stay there.

Hercules: The Legendary Journeys

It's really hard to imagine a time when Hercules was seriously considered a watchable TV show, but six seasons can't be wrong. While the sword-and-sorcery adventure was one of the more popular syndicated TV shows of its era, its villain-of-the-week formula, grating soundtrack, and widespread overacting haven't withstood the test of time. TV audiences have come to expect a sense of continuity in a multi-season TV show, but Hercules completely ignored the linear flow of time and just did whatever, whenever, including rewriting the characters' own stories multiple times without any regard for the past. Once you have Herc witnessing the birth of Jesus, you've gone too far. At least we had Xena…and who needs a plot when you have Lucy Lawless?

Rugrats

It may be sacrilege to disparage any classic Nicktoon, but a show that once seemed like a clever look at the world through the eyes of infants has lost a lot of its charm—not least because it's hard to look past the constant baby talk and the grossly negligent parents. Angela never gets the discipline she needs to straighten out, everyone just keeps on having more babies, and anyone could have guessed that Chuckie would still be just as awkward in the show's unnecessary continuation, All Grown Up! Until someone comes along to animate the characters as balding, overweight 30-somethings struggling with depression and mortgages, we should probably just stick with Doug.

How I Met Your Mother

It's a sitcom about a dad who keeps his kids on a couch for nine years while he tells them, in great detail, about all of his greatest sexual conquests. The show's titular question was barely even answered by the end of the series, and in retrospect, the circuitous non-conclusion to the story fatally undermines How I Met Your Mother's replay value. (The forced in-jokes and cloying humor don't help, either.) Now that the nine-year nightmare's spell has been broken, we can live our lives again. Avoid the reruns; go forth and be free.

Highlander: The Series

Although the production value of Highlander: The Series was widely praised by critics at the time, television fantasy has come a long way since the 1990s. In an age when HBO spends as much as $10 million per episode to create Game of Thrones and audiences are used to seeing big screen quality on their TVs, the CBS show based on the film of the same name now looks terribly dated—and its problems go deeper than aesthetics. What at that time seemed like a sprawling epic has revealed itself as little more than a series of formulaic hourlong confrontations, pitting Duncan MacLeod (clansman and pupil of his movie namesake Connor) against one disposable immortal after another. Worse still, British actor Adrian Paul's performance is nowhere near the bar established by Christopher Lambert in the 1986 movie, lacking the rough edges and cool wit of the original Highlander.

The A-Team

The dramatic increase in TV production budgets over recent years has led to audiences expecting a certain amount of realism, and this is especially true when it comes to violence. As series like The Walking Dead continue to push boundaries, shows made in the days before a man could reduce another man's head to bloody mush with a baseball bat on primetime television begin to look awfully tame. The A-Team falls under this umbrella, a show on which thousands of mags of ammo are used on a weekly basis and remarkably, nobody ever dies. The longer the show went, the more ridiculous it became, getting to the point that a helicopter crashing into a mountainside and falling to the ground in a fireball caused little more than a scratch. Re-watching The A-Team today is guaranteed to awaken a bloodlust that you probably didn't know you had.

Saved by the Bell

While '90s spinoffs Saved by the Bell: The College Years and Saved by the Bell: The New Class have always been nigh-on unwatchable, the original show was once considered essential children's television. Digging out the NBC high school sitcom for your kids to watch today isn't advisable, however, as many of the lessons are painfully dated. The episode "The Mamas and the Papas" makes for particularly cringeworthy viewing, pairing the kids up in an effort to teach them about married life. The tone of the episode is summed up by A.C. Slater's definition of a "women's movement" (when she puts on something cute and moves into the kitchen). It also becomes apparent over the course of the show's four seasons that Zack Morris has a severe gambling problem, with every other episode involving Preppy making some kind of bet at the expense of his friends.

Xena: Warrior Princess

New Zealand-made cult series Xena: Warrior Princess is mainly remembered for the way it challenged female stereotypes and the discussions that raged over its supposedly lesbian subtext, though two aspects of the campy classic that largely escaped criticism at the time were its questionable production values and clumsy directing. This was always a show that asked you to suspend your belief for its duration, but watching it now, it's hard not to notice the multitude of reused extras and recycled sets. The tonal shifts also take some readjusting, with moments of dark violence randomly giving way to full-on musical numbers that make less sense than the show's version of ancient Greece, which is inexplicably rife with American slang. While Aphrodite's Valley-girl persona used to feel like a welcome quirk in a show built around them, in reality it's just one of the many things about Xena that give it a distinctive B-movie feel.

[nettvnow-blog]

Brokers: A Diary From Set

October 2017

I’m Dano Madden, the co-creator, writer and executive producer of the web shows “Precious Cargo” and “Brokers.” We shot “Precious Cargo” over the course of seven days in July of 2015, released it in May of 2016 and then, like crazy people, shot “Brokers” in six days in July of 2016. I say “we” because there was a significant overlap between the two producing teams. While we were in the process of shooting “Brokers,” I kept a brief diary from the set, typed into Evernote, usually in a delirious state after 12-15 hour shooting days.  I tried to be honest and transparent about the process and, by the end, most certainly slipped into the sentimental gushings of an overworked, underpaid (read: not paid) web series producer.  

“Brokers” Diary from the Set

July 6, 2016 Day 1 of the Shoot Astoria, New York

Sitting beneath the bridge known as Hell Gate. Great location. Another first day of shooting. Very exhausting. All outdoor shots today, all in Queens. Waiting to shoot the Kang scene. It's beautiful and sunny out here--nice summer sunset on the way. But we need darkness and horror for the Kang moment.  

I'm a bit wiser from last year, but still feel enamored of set life, regardless of the challenges. We've assembled a great team and are off to a wonderful start. 

To add to the excitement, my niece arrived this morning! My mother-in-law, the volunteer caterer, called while we were on the bus into New York: "bad timing. Baby's coming." And off we went! Baby updates all day! We managed to eat without our craft services person thanks to her advanced food prep.

Aaron (co-creator/star) seems relieved to have shifted into an acting role full time. We started this project over two years ago, meeting in bars, brainstorming characters, storylines, jokes. And now season 1 is becoming a reality. Season 1. Will there even be a Season 2?

I love this work. Not sure how exactly it fits into the overall trajectory of my career, but I do love this work.

July 7, 2016 Day 2 of the shoot Upper West Side, New York

After a scorching hot day in Queens, our Day 2 location had air conditioning! The cool air helped us to manage a number of unexpected challenges, including the complexities of SAG-AFTRA new media agreements and forgotten corndogs. Director Talya Klein and DP Nadine Martinez also came up with a fantastic slow-motion tracking shot for the big party sequence.

July 8, 2016 Day 3 of the shoot

My big moment! In our first scene of the day, I was an extra in a crowd scene. I was on the fence about this last year when I played a casting director in Precious Cargo. As producer and writer on the indie set, stepping away to act is not easy to do. I don't envy lead actress, creator and writer Aaron Ballard, who is in almost every scene. 

Spoiler alert! Read no further if you want to be surprised by everything in Episode 1. Here are some spaces to allow you time to think it over.    

Okay. One of the major challenges of the day was how to hit Ellen (Aaron Ballard) in the face with a dildo. I know, we live in an age of digital effects and green screens and anything is possible. But we have a minuscule budget. Everything becomes about creative solutions. How do we feed the actors we can't afford to pay? Lots of food from Costco and an amazing mother-in-law who is happy to cook it up and manage craft services (Addie's Appetizers). How do you find a top notch DP for very little money? Get someone excited about working on a narrative comedy. Our lives as producers, two summers running, have been about going forward when there was no money, when we lacked knowledge, when we had no idea where we were going to shoot, when all seemed lost. The desire to make both “Precious Cargo” and “Brokers” has somehow always outweighed the ridiculous number of obstacles. So when it became clear today that we weren't sure how to make a dildo, flung by a woman who has just been...err...interrupted, into the face of Ellen, no one panicked. We just experimented. The final solution? Actress Aaron Ballard had to fling it at her own face. With amazing framing by DP Nadine Martinez, spot on directing by Talya Klein and some Oscar worthy background reacting by Max Arnaud we nailed it on the third fling, a perfect smack to the face by Aaron Ballard. Now that's art.

July 9, 2016 Day 4 of the shoot West Village, New York

Pit stains. Today was one of the hardest and funniest of the shoot so far. We had to cover close to 9 pages. We spent most of the day shooting a huge office scene in Episode 5. One of the problems we had to solve was how to get Giuseppe's white shirt to have visible pit stains. This visual gag plays a major part in the episode and it wasn't reading on camera. We tried various things--water, mustard in water and finally Diet Coke. Diet Coke was the winner. Once we got the stains to be visible we had to stop, in the same way you might to touch up an actors make-up, to reapply Giuseppe's pit circles. We knew the bit was truly successful when our DP, Nadine Martinez, had to stop a shot because she was laughing so hard she cried. 

Now we just owe the actor, Lee Sellars, a new shirt if our on set artistry won't wash out.

On to day five.

July 11, 2016 Day 6, Final day of the shoot Astoria, New York

Anxiety, joy, depression, hopefulness, fear, doubt, insecurity, confidence. I cycle through them all each day on set. I feel excited about this six episode series. I'm so happy with the entire team. Director Talya Klein and DP Nadine Martinez have been brilliant. The cast has been hilarious and hard working. The long, 12+ hour days are demanding. Every day I am reminded that making film/ video content is heavily reliant on collaboration- not unlike theatre. Aaron and I worked for over two years developing and writing the script. Certain ideas have remained in the show from the start, others were trashed. The script needs its collaborators. Our DP, Nadine Martinez, always had great ideas for how to frame the shots. For example, she was inspired to shoot Kang, an already enormous man, in such a way that he always appears larger. Talya staged the scenes, mined for jokes that were not in the script and guided the entire process. The costume coordinator, Kristen Dempsey, invested time and energy to think about how every character needed to look. And the actors--I'm reminded over and over again that the words on the page are nothing until they find the capable hands of an actor. The work of everyone has been amazing.

For example, watch Kyle Schaefer, who plays Andrew Gurgle. He invested deeply in his character, even creating little post it notes at his desk. It was difficult to get through takes because he made us all laugh. And I know, based on my “Precious Cargo” experience, that the collaboration doesn't stop here. There will be an editor, a composer, a sound mixer, a color corrector--the project will touch so many hands that it would be impossible for any of us to say “that's mine.” I don't know what will happen with “Brokers.” Will it get a gazillion watches? Will it make us a gazillion dollars? Will it be the moment where some of us or one of us launch upward toward that glorious place of financial stability intersecting with creative passion? I don't know. But this process has been so joyful and fun and exhausting and I am reminded that if I don't do this for love of making work, why do it? I hope people watch and laugh. I hope some people are inspired to make their own web series or film or play. We laughed a lot in the last six days. I am proud of the work we have done.

Meet the Author Dano Madden is a playwright and director, originally from Boise, Idaho.