#trolloled

[ase-trollplays]

>> You're a little nervous about seeing Deviex. It took you and Florah a while to get through the forest to the coordinates Damath sent you ages ago when he first suggested him. Hopefully he can figure out what the ear attacks are about and find a way to fix them.

>> Eventually, the three of you -- As is usually the case when Florah leaves her hive, she brought Feriya along -- reach Deviex's hive, which is built into the base of the mountain. Hopefully Florah remembered the excuse you came up with to explain why you brought her so he doesn't somehow take offense to you bringing a companion along.

>> After a moment of mental preparation, you knock on the door and wait for him to answer.

@trolloled

[raitrolling]

but does he have wisdom about why jon arbuckle has a dumpy in the garfield meme version, is the real question

[cloudbattrolls]

CRISTA: get some assistance.

You didn’t want to do this, but beggars absolutely can’t be choosers, and if you had a choice you wouldn’t have an irate fae snapping at your heels to begin with.

Her jaws miss by inches as you make a noise that is definitely not a yelp, and manage to get off one more short-range teleportation spell to get you just close enough to your dumb, unlucky friend’s collaborator’s hive to limp toward it, out of breath, and knock on his door.

“Kormut!” You pant, wiping sweat off your face (ugh, your hair is ruined).

“Kormut, I really, really need you to let me in right now, starshine, because I am in a heap of trouble and I need your help. Yes - I need your help, you can laugh later, just open the door before I expire in the mouth of a - never mind, with you here if I speak that it might happen.”

You take in more deep breaths to your poor, tired lungs and try to regain some composure. If a great sodding plague beast is going to eat you, you might as well face it with some class.

[nihils-trolls]

@condescensionsation

Jokes on you, she's doing the best she has in literal sweeps. Part of her 'laid back' personality was mostly due to her being constantly exhausted and fatigued all of the time. Could not be brought to care about much. Villoh just did a great job of hiding it for a long time.

But now, she's moved on to other work (no longer a courier) and has been addressing the reason she's so low energy. It's like the girl has actual opinions and emotions on things now. During the sweep, she intends to set aside more opportunities to visit/spend time with her quads, reconnect with some old friends and maybe even make a couple new ones.

[camiefromstatefarm]

Rick Riordan

JK Rowling (pronounced like 'rolling')

Rick Rowling

Rickrolling???

Oh my gosh-

[goddesstrolls]

Unnecessary Measures

Cipher drummed their fingers on the counter in their lab.

Thrixe had been gone for a good while, and no one had descended upon them with any desire to dissect. But, no one except Cheran knew what they were. As far as they knew, of course. There was Ullane’s psionics, and Xrumon’s sensors...

It was a ticking time bomb, and they had no protection now. Not with Thrixe gone. They’d trusted him to maybe, just maybe, protect a fellow freak of nature, if it came to that.

Damn him for leaving. Cipher liked it here. They liked Friday quite a lot. Not that they’d ever really admit it.

Cipher puffed up their cheek and went to the filing cabinet, unlocking it and pulling out all the paper files. They sorted through it, carefully removing any hints of their personal work, not that they did much of that at the Clinic. They tidied the pile, organized it neatly, packed it up into a perfect stack, and left it on the counter.

Then they checked the digital copies, though they were extra-careful about those as a matter of course. There was nothing to remove, nothing they felt unsafe with leaving.

They’d already cleaned their lab for the day, but they did another purging just in case. Removing a few of their pet projects that had no use to the Clinic and would just be extra cleaning.

They reset the door’s security to the factory standard, and wrote the code (Which was just a string of 1′s) on a note, plopping it on top of the files before assuring the door was left unlocked, and stepping out of their lab.

It was late. No one was in, or if they were, they were all sequestered away in their own hiding spots and wouldn’t come across them on their way out.

They left the Clinic quietly, hoping this would be the last time they saw the place. They didn’t want to leave any reason Ullane or one of them would have them dragged back, any debt or stolen equipment or research. Worst thing they were doing was not giving any sort of notice for quitting.

Oh, and the fact that the address they’d given wasn’t somewhere they could actually be found. Just a small empty apartment in the city. Even Rotavh wouldn’t have any real means of contacting them, just trails leading to dead ends.

As a final measure, they stopped at a creek near the Clinic. They manually deleted any remotely personal information, reset it to factory settings, dissected the thing, broke all the little chips, and scattered the pieces in the creek.

These were things they did as a matter of course, when working in these sort of places. With these sorts of people, who weren’t quite right in the head. Who might hunt them just to sate their curiosity. Who’d wonder what they had to hide. It wasn’t much, really.

Cipher was just a very, very private person.

[cloudbattrolls]

"Oh, right." You say, realizing you should explain that, probably. Even if he doesn't believe you, you should make an attempt to fill him on on why these things are such bad news.

"Yeah, they take you to some fucking place that isn't Alternia, I know that much, hell or otherwise, I don't know. People just...vanish into thin air, and yes, I know this sounds dumb as hell and like every corny horror movie ever." You admit with a snort.

"It'd be stupid if it weren't so fucking terrifying to actually witness. Because if you attack these things, all it does is make them come for you, and make more come for you. They can't really be stopped, just delayed."

You blink.

"Well yeah, no fucking shit, you say." Amused if blunt at his statement that no one's buried him alive before.

"It wasn't like I was thrilled to do it, dumbass, I was trying to save us both. And no, this is the first time." You say, shaking your head, though you regret it as your horns dislodge a little dirt and it falls on your hair. Whatever, you have to keep moving, you'll clean it off later.

"I'm used to them showing up sometimes, but usually it's not so many, and I can keep them at arm's length, or I have somewhere to retreat to..." You mutter. "Here, I didn't have much choice."

You flip off the shaking walls with one skinny middle finger just to vent some stress and frustration. It does no good, really, but it makes you feel slightly better.

"Yeah, you might be right." You mutter. "I was trying to gather more info, so I had something to report that was more than 'hey guys shit's fucked', but things might be past that now. Though I'm not sure how much anyone can do."

"The cops." You snort. "As if I'd go to those total idiots. I might be blue, Argumi, but I'm not dumb enough to think the empire would be any real help without killing tons more people. Now quiet, I have to focus." You mutter, taking out some bones and flowers.

Doing this while you walk won't be easy, especially with the ever-present reminders you're being followed, but you don't have a choice. You have a very unpleasant feeling that if you slow down any significant amount, you'll die.

"What dx yxu mean they've "grabbed" pexple?"

"Grab them and then what? Break |ntx a dance rxut|ne? Drag them tx hell?"

"|f they dx gx tx hell, that cxuld expla|n all the m|ss|ng persxns repxrts. Althxugh, yxu knxw, we usually get a bunch xf thxse anyway. There's just been an upt|ck th|s sweep."

=> Maybe it's some super psionic's bizarre plot to take over the world? You've heard of powerful abilities that can 'possess' objects at least.

=> Though usually the user has to actually be able to see the objects in question.

"|'m Argum|. | have tx say, | have nxt met anyxne whx has bur|ed me xn xur f|rst xut|ng befxre."

"We|rd way tx make an |mpress|xn. Fasc|nated |f yxu dx th|s tx everyxne whx mannequ|ns shxw up tx be spxxky at."

=> The walls shake again slightly, as if to emphasize your point.

"Th|s sxrt xf seems l|ke sxmeth|ng an xrgan|zed grxup shxuldx xk |ntx, maybe? |t seems l|ke just dx|ng th|s xn yxur xwn |s pretty dangerxus."

"Unfxrtunately, | dxn't th|nk the cxps w|ll take calls fxr v|xlent clxthes mxdels."

[armed-flight]

name randomizer gave me trollol and killer?? is killer even allowed. who is naming their dragons killer

[shoutydwarf]

people don’t call inquisition/da:d “elf simulator”/”elf age” because they hate elves and elvhen lore. Let Me Be Clear: 

- elves have the most special dialogue options. even more if you’re a f!mage. bioware accidentally forgot dalish elves know who mythal is for ONE dialogue wheel and people really used it to run with the idea that elves were somehow narratively shafted during inquisition; meanwhile dwarves in the descent dlc, you know, THE DWARF DLC where you get your Crumb Of Dwarf, you get next to no special dialogue options besides being told by valta that you’re not a Real Dwarf and you don’t have stone sense (which isn’t even true. stone sense comes back to all dwarves if they’re underground long enough. this is more of bioware trying to prove all the disgusting corrupt systems in place are Acthually Correct Trollol.. that or they just forgot bc they dont care.) 

- eluvians, the fade, fen’harel, everything that comes out of solas’s mouth, a chunk of WEWH, inquisitor ameridan being a dalish elf, etc is not at all narratively relevant to anyone but an elf inquisitor. spin all the stories you want to make eluvians and elvhen gods important to your non-elf OCs but off what we get in the games alone, without doing an ungodly amount of work to make it fit, what BIOWARE has established, it means nothing. you can argue that all of this is important to the inquisitor on principal of them Being inquisitor but... be fucking serious

- elves seeing the crossroads differently than other races. just another special elfy thing

- every single religion is being geared up to link back to the elves. i think we can all agree by now that andraste is flemythal and the maker is mythal (whether u think the theory is good or not is neither here nor there, bioware is so predictable at this point). and thank god she freed the dwarves from the titans, amirite! it’d really suck if the dwarves had something exclusive! (bioware if you try to paint the titans as slavers and mythal as the Dwarven Savior........................)

- you can make an argument for any of the origins in da:o fitting “the best” as canon. the dalish elf is as ignorant to the world outside of the forest as the player is. cousland is your classic betrayed hero thrust into saving the world tale. dwarves are intrinsically tied to the darkspawn/wardens. the mages are freed birds but the world outside their cage is corrupted and torn asunder. tabris/brosca is your saving the world that never fought for them back tale. they all equally mean something in unique, valuable ways to the main story and it shows through ample unique dialogue options and main quest relevance. 

- can you REALLLLYYYYY say the same for all of the non-elf da:i origins? what do we got, a mercenary vashoth. a carta dwarf. a human noble or mage. all random NPCs fr. but the dalish elf who unlocks the power of an elvhen orb which leads to a slew of world-shattering reveals about the lore they grew up with and believed in? meanwhile ur dwarf/human/qunari inquisitor didn’t even know there WAS a plot twist. they didnt even know there was a plot

- all of this extra elf stuff would be perfectly fine. the countless elvhen ruins, lore reveals etc. if it was even REMOTELY evenly distributed across all the races. BUT IT’S NOT. 

- it would also be fine if inquisition was a one-off elf-focused game but they used the opportunity to take from every other races’ lore and make it about elves, so now A. there’s no going back, B. the 4th game’s title is literally dreadwolf wow i wonder who the story is going to be written for, C. if i ever have to hear with my own two ears “i’ve been through shit that would make the deep roads look like a cake walk!” followed by the dwarf at the receiving end of this Dying From Being Pwned, i’m going to get violent

- the point is that it’s bioware’s fault, not the elves. “elf simulator” is poking fun at biowares pandering to solavellan twitter, not at elf players lmao

[themisfitsedge]

Here is the entire batch of our Yule Ball commissions for 2022. We had a blast doing these and it really pushed our skills to the limit! We had so much fun doing this and we can’t wait to do this for years to come. I hope everyone had an amazing time at the ball and thank you to everyone who commissioned us this year!

@clown-fuckers-r-us @themisfitsedge @skegulium  @asks-n-trolls @trolloled @aberranteidolon @jazztrolls

[saltminerising]

THE RANDOMIZER NAMED MY FODDER "TROLLOL"

[ase-trollplays]

Now it's up to the poll results to see if he gets a new eye

Looks at Ruvlin

Do I be nice and let you have a cybernetic eye

Or do I keep the eye patch for the ✨ Aesthetic ✨

[raitrolling]

"Okay

the LLogic tracks

iLLLL LLet you have that one buddy

but damn maybe i shouLLd bake more often when ive got aLLLL this cake going to waste

fuLLfiLL the prophecy and whatnot"

[cloudbattrolls]

The Confession

Ullane, deep breathing, pushes the door open. Stops to admire his work.

“It looks good.” Determinedly calm but positive tone.

Xrumon, blandly looking up from trying to add maintenance ports to the arms.

“You came here to tell me that I'm not completely incompetent? I could have saved you the trip.”

Ullane laughs a little, slightly hysterically. “Clearly useless support is my profession.” Pinches the bridge of her nose. “You might want to sit down.”

“Properly. With nothing in your hands.”

"Oh, good. Love hearing that. Are you about to tell me my hive burnt to the fucking ground?" He sighs, rolling his eyes. He makes a show of putting his drawing pencil down and slightly adjusting his sitting position. "Okay. I'm sitting "properly," like I've been doing for nearly a sweep."

She laughs. “Only somewhat as devastating. Yes, yes.” Plucks at a strand of hair. Looks him in the eyes. “I’m flush for you.”

There's an entirely too pregnant pause. He blinks. It's almost possible to hear the sensors whirring in his eyes. "What?" he says, sounding entirely disbelieving. "Shitty joke. What are you actually here to tell me?"

She shakes her head, looking deathly serious. “I’m not joking.”

“I know - I know how this sounds.” She laughs again, a bit helplessly, her big ears pressed down from nerves. “I’m not…I understand. I just wanted to say it.”

He doesn't respond for a moment, then looks around the room with eyes squinted. "I don't get it. Where's the bit? Is that jackass on the cameras supposed to record my reaction?" he continues, voice sounding slightly strained now.

He looks back at Ullane, eyes sweeping over her. Another moment of silence passes. His eyes widen slightly. "Elevated heart rate, but your eyes are steady. Are you... serious?" Pause.

"Why?"

She laughs gently. “You tell me the truth. You’re smart, hardworking, reliable. Funny. Interesting. You challenge me, make me want to be better. You are…wonderful, yes, even with your flaws. Because of them, sometimes.”

She’s calmer now, still nervous but not as chokingly so. Merely peacefully awaiting rejection, but happy to tell Xrumon why she loves him.

Somewhat predictably, his hands curl themselves into fists, shaking slightly.  His eyes flicker between red and teal, apparently undecided on how to present themselves. "You- You- The one who put me in my chains, the Malpracticer who trapped me like this- You-" He choked suddenly, breathing more ragged.

"A doctor falling for the patient. What a fucking cliché.  Extremely unprofessional. Monumentally stupid." He shakes his head in dismay, but his tone never rises to the level of actual fury. His eyes settle at last on teal.

"Your taste is shit. I'm not- Nobody should feel that way about me. Especially not the one who could kill me." He looks down at his feet, expression inscrutable. "What am I supposed to do now?" he asks quietly, tone sounding mildly desperate, confused.

She smiles sadly as his eyes flash, but then chuckles. “It is stupid.” She agrees. “And wrong of me given what I’ve done, I know.” “Tried so hard not to…tried to take it from my own brain, so many times, but I couldn’t.” She shakes her head.

“Then I stopped. Because my friends asked. Because you asked. Irony.” Laughs more.

She looks serious again.

“My taste is fine. I know you don’t feel the same, of course not, wouldn’t make any sense.” She laughs. “But you deserve love. Always will.” Her voice, usually so even, is full of feeling as her eyes shine slightly red-pink from her psiionics, purely from high emotion.

“I only want to be friends.” She says simply. “All I deserve, all that can be. But you deserve to know you are worth loving.”

"I don't deserve anything," he replies flatly, tone hollow. He sighs heavily, eyes closing for a moment. "We are a severely fucked up pair of people. You, the doctor that wanted to steal my technology and work me as an indentured servant. Me? What isn't fucked up with me."

"Now I have to- I have to die, knowing somebody was stupid enough to think me worth anything. It was supposed to be easy, you dumb piece of shit," he complains, eyes still closed as he shakes his head again. "In flush with someone who calls you that. Christ. How could I ever be good enough to deserve this?"

She laughs a bit grimly. “I know. I know how absurd it is.” She grins. “That’s just how you talk. Wouldn’t be you if you didn’t. And ha! I’m the rotten one here.” She says with amusement. “I couldn’t be good enough for you, not if I spent the rest of my life making up! But what do I care? It should be done anyway.” Waves a hand dismissively.

"For me?" He snaps, eyes opening up again. "You're the doctor, you save lives! You went blitzkrieg on a fucking gang with- with- whatever the hell happened, just to cut their influence out! You make people better, all I do is remind them how fucked they are!" He laughs, bitterly and without humor.

"You've probably done fucked up things, knowing you. But at least you can make up for it. Look at me, I'm not even a walking corpse. No one sane would suggest I even take your crush half seriously - and they'd be right. You'll find someone better. Less messed up. Less ruined."

She smiles sadly. “Yes, but before that - before you - it wasn’t so good. I didn’t seek out doing terrible things…but I didn’t stop them. I’d accept an offer if I thought the good outweighed the price. I have done such things, like you said. Some I had to for survival, others I didn’t.” She shakes her head. “Perhaps I could. But I don’t want them. I want you. I know it can’t be, but I’ve only cared for one troll before as much as I care for you.”

She twists a strand of hair, smiling slightly. “Believe me. It took me by surprise. I tried denying it. But I couldn’t help it.”

He looks at her for several long moments again before finally responding: "You are a damned fool. Why do I always get stuck with fools? You realize I could break your neck with one twist of my wrist, right?" He points to his exoskeleton, eyes forming a scowl.

"I can't give anything but pain, this body was built for war. You're damn right it can't be, look at me! I- I'd need a head doctor, I can't treat you like-" He cuts himself off, falling silent. An impossible to see, internal war was being fought beneath his surface.

She nods. “I do.” She blinks, confused. “You give me much. You treat me as well as you can. Yes, you’ve hurt me - but I thought you might do so again when I said this, and you haven’t.” She smiles.

“You can change. Ha. If you live…I know you could heal, find quadrants. Possibly with help, like you say. Yes, I know this is very much when you could die.” She says quietly. “But I think it’s better than saying nothing.”

"Heal. Live. What a crock of shit," he complains, shaking his head. He sighs again, then looks her back in the eye at last. "I'm going to die. You know that's almost guaranteed, like you just said," he says with stoic calm, as if listing out the weather forecast.

"So... Come here." He raises a hand, beckoning her over to where he sits, tension coiling in him like a spring.

She grins at him. “Isn’t it just like me to inflict suffering like that on you?”

Confused but obedient, she comes over, slightly befuddled yet politely intrigued.

When she comes over, his raised arm comes up to land on her shoulder, feeling like a lead weight as it pushes her a bit further down. His other arm, once she's low enough, crosses behind her back as he leans forward, pulling her, very carefully, into a hug. It's not good. Terrible, even. He smells faintly of metallic lubricant, his arms are like iron bands, and rather than give and warmth, there's only solid, cold steel.

Ullane still blushes like an idiot and relaxes anyway because oh how she’s wanted this. She is really, really, really confused, but also very happy right now. Embarrassingly for her, her hidden tail around her waist wags a little before she stops it.

After a few moments, he lets go, gently pushing her away. At the very least he doesn't seem to notice her tail. "There. Now you won't have any fucking regrets or whatever when I'm gone," he says, somehow able to look her in the eye - most likely helped by the helmet concealing his face. "But if you tell a soul, or if the fucking security vid leaks, I'm going to tear this place a new fire exit."

Ullane snorts. “You think I want to deal with Friday and Yarrex making my life hell? Not that much of a masochist.”

“In my best interests too.”

"Yeah. That's part of why I even bothered," he replies, sounding faintly amused. "You're absolutely still insane, though."

“Takes one to know one.” She shoots back with a grin.

"I'm very clear on how fucked in the head I am. Always have been, " he retorts, rolling his eyes. "Now is there anything else you need to get off your chest? Any other things to curse me with?"

“Not right now.” She says with a hint of mischief. “Keep your eyes open.”

"Oh, wonderful. Another damocles knife over my head, just what I need," he groans, eyes cast up as if seeking patience from heaven. "Fine. Get out of here then, go do some actual work before someone walks in here."

Her grin only widens as she waves goodbye and leaves, with a little spring in her step.

[raitrolling]

i was reading bad incorrect quotes blogs again

@cloudbattrolls @goddesstrolls @trolloled @scrambledtrolls

[nihils-trolls]

=> ... What the fuck is he on about?

=> You don't even have a response to that. Several things about 'educated hypotheses' and 'prior knowledge' come to mind. But you genuinely can't tell if he is purposely playing ignorant or not here. To fall into that trap of a conversation is not something you want to do.

".. No, I don't want to see hemorejection. Why on Alternia are you walking into hospitals to do that?"

=> The amount of regret you feel for not avoiding him only grows- along with your distrust of medical facilities. You're not really expecting a good response to that question.

"I guess the latter could be an explanation for some."

"And yes, calligraphy. You could frame something, either by itself or after drawing or painting around it. It's also a practice for neater handwriting. Gives an artistic touch to things- signs, labels, signatures..."

"It's a hobby. Doesn't have to be useful anyway, it passes the time."

=> Something catches your eye as you also round the corner. Please let that be the ink you were after.

"<--- How else do you know exactly what w-ll happen? --->"

"<--- Do you just assume all the th-ngs you know to be the truth? --->"

"<--- You can't learn a th-ng you th-nk you know. --->"

=> Only a fool assumes that just because ink is completely incapable of acting as an oxygen distributor that it can't actually replace blood. Real science is about just throwing shit at the wall.

=> You blink at them mentioning not having seen hemo-rejection.

"<--- Would you l-ke to? --->"

"<--- They don't even stop you from work-ng at a hosp-tal -f you walk -n conf-dently enough. --->"

=> You squint at their gloves, frowning as you turn down a corner of the aisle. Were you seeing things again?

"<--- Hmph. More l-ke a mass delus-on caused by a pr-on d-sease. - just know -t's -n there, but they won't let me have any samples to study... --->"

"<--- Or an excuse to eat d-sgust-ng th-ngs and murder a lot of people. -t could be e-ther. --->"

"<--- Call-graphy though, eh? Wr-t-ng for the art of -t. Never understood -t. -s -t supposed to be art? Do you frame words on the wall? --->"