#trolloled

[ase-trollplays]

>> You exhale a sigh of relief through your nose when he reaffirms that he's not completely disabling your psionics. As much trouble as they cause you, you'd feel broken if you didn't have them at all. The method sounds tricky, but if it works, it works.

>> Once Deviex's gun is no longer in his hand, Florah allows hers to go back into her strife deck as well. Good, good, wonderful, no more guns. Despite how this visit started, it looks like everything is ending on a good note. You'll have to thank Damath for recommending him and hope he doesn't call you out on waiting so long to visit him.

👏 Sounds good to me. I'll be back next perigee. 👏

>> A perigee sounds like enough time to mentally prepare and let your job and your friends know what's going on. Hopefully Persef won't worry too much.

I'll be the ✿ne l✿✿king after him ✿nce it's ✿ver. He can stay with me while he's rec✿vering. Just tell me whatever it is I have t✿ d✿, and I'll take it fr✿m there. And I'm g✿ing t✿ be there while y✿u're d✿ing the surgery. I can leave Feriya at my hive if y✿u d✿n't want her in the r✿✿m.

>> The mistrust in Florah's voice is palpable, and you fight the urge to wince. You know she's only being so insistent because she cares so much about you, but you don't want her to trigger another standoff.

"<--- Of course not, that would be too easy. That's bas-cally just a lesser vers-on of a lobotomy. --->"

"<--- No, what - plan to do -s s-mply... d-sconnect a few p-eces, yes? That part of your th-nk pan needs to be, er, damaged, so to speak, but not broken. --->"

"<--- The th-nk pan -s capable of heal-ng -tself, -n marg-nal ways, as well, so - need to ensure the parts - work on won't just come back -n a sweep or f-ve. --->"

=> Of course, if that happened, you could score another easy 50 caegars. But you're not a scam artist, you're a professional.

"<--- - also can't just r-p a chunk out of your bra-n e-ther, that sort of brute force -s messy. Also, l-able to damage your ab-l-ty to perform complex mathemat-cs. --->"

"<--- -n theory, -t's a b-t l-ke break-ng a bone to reset -t properly. Or -mproperly, -n th-s case. -'ll need to prepare for th-s... - can't do -t ton-ght. No! --->"

=> You finally sit back down in your chair, gun disappearing back into your strife deck absentmindedly.

"<--- Let's say... a per-gee from now, that should g-ve me enough t-me to rev-ew my notes. --->"

=> And pick up a few lost people in the woods. Same benefit, really.

"<--- You'll also need to shave off that mop of ha-r you have, can't work w-th -t -n the way. Do -t yourself, or -'ll cut -t for you! --->"

"<--- Not sure how long the surgery w-ll take e-ther... at least a few hours, maybe a whole n-ght. You'll need at least a n-ght or two here to recover as well. --->"

"<--- Well, unless your fr-end there wants to take you off my hands afterwards. Seal-ng the skull back up -sn't too hard, but you'll want to avo-d h-tt-ng -t on anyth-ng for a wh-le. --->"

[raitrolling]

but does he have wisdom about why jon arbuckle has a dumpy in the garfield meme version, is the real question

[cloudbattrolls]

CRISTA: get some assistance.

You didn’t want to do this, but beggars absolutely can’t be choosers, and if you had a choice you wouldn’t have an irate fae snapping at your heels to begin with.

Her jaws miss by inches as you make a noise that is definitely not a yelp, and manage to get off one more short-range teleportation spell to get you just close enough to your dumb, unlucky friend’s collaborator’s hive to limp toward it, out of breath, and knock on his door.

“Kormut!” You pant, wiping sweat off your face (ugh, your hair is ruined).

“Kormut, I really, really need you to let me in right now, starshine, because I am in a heap of trouble and I need your help. Yes - I need your help, you can laugh later, just open the door before I expire in the mouth of a - never mind, with you here if I speak that it might happen.”

You take in more deep breaths to your poor, tired lungs and try to regain some composure. If a great sodding plague beast is going to eat you, you might as well face it with some class.

[camiefromstatefarm]

Rick Riordan

JK Rowling (pronounced like 'rolling')

Rick Rowling

Rickrolling???

Oh my gosh-

[cloudbattrolls]

"Oh, right." You say, realizing you should explain that, probably. Even if he doesn't believe you, you should make an attempt to fill him on on why these things are such bad news.

"Yeah, they take you to some fucking place that isn't Alternia, I know that much, hell or otherwise, I don't know. People just...vanish into thin air, and yes, I know this sounds dumb as hell and like every corny horror movie ever." You admit with a snort.

"It'd be stupid if it weren't so fucking terrifying to actually witness. Because if you attack these things, all it does is make them come for you, and make more come for you. They can't really be stopped, just delayed."

You blink.

"Well yeah, no fucking shit, you say." Amused if blunt at his statement that no one's buried him alive before.

"It wasn't like I was thrilled to do it, dumbass, I was trying to save us both. And no, this is the first time." You say, shaking your head, though you regret it as your horns dislodge a little dirt and it falls on your hair. Whatever, you have to keep moving, you'll clean it off later.

"I'm used to them showing up sometimes, but usually it's not so many, and I can keep them at arm's length, or I have somewhere to retreat to..." You mutter. "Here, I didn't have much choice."

You flip off the shaking walls with one skinny middle finger just to vent some stress and frustration. It does no good, really, but it makes you feel slightly better.

"Yeah, you might be right." You mutter. "I was trying to gather more info, so I had something to report that was more than 'hey guys shit's fucked', but things might be past that now. Though I'm not sure how much anyone can do."

"The cops." You snort. "As if I'd go to those total idiots. I might be blue, Argumi, but I'm not dumb enough to think the empire would be any real help without killing tons more people. Now quiet, I have to focus." You mutter, taking out some bones and flowers.

Doing this while you walk won't be easy, especially with the ever-present reminders you're being followed, but you don't have a choice. You have a very unpleasant feeling that if you slow down any significant amount, you'll die.

"What dx yxu mean they've "grabbed" pexple?"

"Grab them and then what? Break |ntx a dance rxut|ne? Drag them tx hell?"

"|f they dx gx tx hell, that cxuld expla|n all the m|ss|ng persxns repxrts. Althxugh, yxu knxw, we usually get a bunch xf thxse anyway. There's just been an upt|ck th|s sweep."

=> Maybe it's some super psionic's bizarre plot to take over the world? You've heard of powerful abilities that can 'possess' objects at least.

=> Though usually the user has to actually be able to see the objects in question.

"|'m Argum|. | have tx say, | have nxt met anyxne whx has bur|ed me xn xur f|rst xut|ng befxre."

"We|rd way tx make an |mpress|xn. Fasc|nated |f yxu dx th|s tx everyxne whx mannequ|ns shxw up tx be spxxky at."

=> The walls shake again slightly, as if to emphasize your point.

"Th|s sxrt xf seems l|ke sxmeth|ng an xrgan|zed grxup shxuldx xk |ntx, maybe? |t seems l|ke just dx|ng th|s xn yxur xwn |s pretty dangerxus."

"Unfxrtunately, | dxn't th|nk the cxps w|ll take calls fxr v|xlent clxthes mxdels."

[armed-flight]

name randomizer gave me trollol and killer?? is killer even allowed. who is naming their dragons killer

[12thperigeeball]

Party Crash

Ball Writing Contest Nominee No. 1

Link to Submission: Blog post / Toyhou.se Submitted by: Trolloled This drabble features: Xrumon Arigah, Platar Hacalo This drabble is… [X] Platonic [ ] Romantic

[shoutydwarf]

people don’t call inquisition/da:d “elf simulator”/”elf age” because they hate elves and elvhen lore. Let Me Be Clear: 

- elves have the most special dialogue options. even more if you’re a f!mage. bioware accidentally forgot dalish elves know who mythal is for ONE dialogue wheel and people really used it to run with the idea that elves were somehow narratively shafted during inquisition; meanwhile dwarves in the descent dlc, you know, THE DWARF DLC where you get your Crumb Of Dwarf, you get next to no special dialogue options besides being told by valta that you’re not a Real Dwarf and you don’t have stone sense (which isn’t even true. stone sense comes back to all dwarves if they’re underground long enough. this is more of bioware trying to prove all the disgusting corrupt systems in place are Acthually Correct Trollol.. that or they just forgot bc they dont care.) 

- eluvians, the fade, fen’harel, everything that comes out of solas’s mouth, a chunk of WEWH, inquisitor ameridan being a dalish elf, etc is not at all narratively relevant to anyone but an elf inquisitor. spin all the stories you want to make eluvians and elvhen gods important to your non-elf OCs but off what we get in the games alone, without doing an ungodly amount of work to make it fit, what BIOWARE has established, it means nothing. you can argue that all of this is important to the inquisitor on principal of them Being inquisitor but... be fucking serious

- elves seeing the crossroads differently than other races. just another special elfy thing

- every single religion is being geared up to link back to the elves. i think we can all agree by now that andraste is flemythal and the maker is mythal (whether u think the theory is good or not is neither here nor there, bioware is so predictable at this point). and thank god she freed the dwarves from the titans, amirite! it’d really suck if the dwarves had something exclusive! (bioware if you try to paint the titans as slavers and mythal as the Dwarven Savior........................)

- you can make an argument for any of the origins in da:o fitting “the best” as canon. the dalish elf is as ignorant to the world outside of the forest as the player is. cousland is your classic betrayed hero thrust into saving the world tale. dwarves are intrinsically tied to the darkspawn/wardens. the mages are freed birds but the world outside their cage is corrupted and torn asunder. tabris/brosca is your saving the world that never fought for them back tale. they all equally mean something in unique, valuable ways to the main story and it shows through ample unique dialogue options and main quest relevance. 

- can you REALLLLYYYYY say the same for all of the non-elf da:i origins? what do we got, a mercenary vashoth. a carta dwarf. a human noble or mage. all random NPCs fr. but the dalish elf who unlocks the power of an elvhen orb which leads to a slew of world-shattering reveals about the lore they grew up with and believed in? meanwhile ur dwarf/human/qunari inquisitor didn’t even know there WAS a plot twist. they didnt even know there was a plot

- all of this extra elf stuff would be perfectly fine. the countless elvhen ruins, lore reveals etc. if it was even REMOTELY evenly distributed across all the races. BUT IT’S NOT. 

- it would also be fine if inquisition was a one-off elf-focused game but they used the opportunity to take from every other races’ lore and make it about elves, so now A. there’s no going back, B. the 4th game’s title is literally dreadwolf wow i wonder who the story is going to be written for, C. if i ever have to hear with my own two ears “i’ve been through shit that would make the deep roads look like a cake walk!” followed by the dwarf at the receiving end of this Dying From Being Pwned, i’m going to get violent

- the point is that it’s bioware’s fault, not the elves. “elf simulator” is poking fun at biowares pandering to solavellan twitter, not at elf players lmao

[raitrolling]

"Okay

the LLogic tracks

iLLLL LLet you have that one buddy

but damn maybe i shouLLd bake more often when ive got aLLLL this cake going to waste

fuLLfiLL the prophecy and whatnot"

[cloudbattrolls]

Jamie and Nixtru, I know that’s not how their power works but I couldn’t resist the meme.

[cloudbatcave]

@trolloled

op turned off reblogs but i want this post on my blog

[just-more-trolls]

Closed w/ @trolloled

> You sat in your car as Anaisa climbed out and slammed the door the moment your words left and died on your lips. You knew she wasn’t actually mad at you. It was the stress of it all. Still..it didn’t stop you from feeling hurt on top of the clear trauma you two went through to even get to Ankiro’s hive. You could kick yourself for choosing the south route.

> You stared down into your palmhusk. A message from Kanisa telling you to be safe and that she was with a new friend at his village but that she’d check on your hive and lusii if and when she’s in the area. It put your mind into some ease but the whole ordeal still kept it reeling.

> If what Anaisa said was true..was this the end-times? Did you cause it trying to fuck around with things you probably shouldn’t have? And what of your other friends? Are they safe?

> One troll suddenly came to mind and your face pales. He definitely would be dumb enough to try to fly headlong into that bullshit. Your fingers FLY across your phone’s screen in panicked tapping.

-- timidApothecary[TA] began trolling  aeronauticalMachismo[AM] --

TA: portec..?

TA: portec ple@se @nswer..

TA: @re you ok??

TA: where @re you right now???

[bastsoldtrollblog]

cracks myself up with the mental image of ro taking off his mask to spit water in the face of someone he doesnt like

[goddesstrolls-archive]

[cloudbatcave]

@trolloled

[raitrolling]

i was reading bad incorrect quotes blogs again

@cloudbattrolls @goddesstrolls @trolloled @scrambledtrolls