#troll lover

[procrastiel]

Things Neil Gaiman said about our ineffable husbands that make my heart skip a few beats:

- this is a love story

- they like holding hands

- they held hands in season 1 (he let us figure out that it was on the bus)

- it’s implied that Aziraphale stayed at Crowley’s apartment the night after the No-pocalypse

- this is a love story

- roughly 4 years passed between s1 and 2

- they will have a cottage in the South Downs at some point

- shoemaker-cum-obstetrician

- he called Michael and David ‘my boys’

[ohposhers]

troll who isnt allowed caffeine or she'll reenact the Hammy energy drink scene from over the hedge clay prefers tea anyway

[koppaiterocker]

Sometimes low quality gifs are simply funnier

[commandershepardvasfuckit]

An Arranged Marriage

First part for a short m!troll x f!reader series

(Edit: this did not end up being short)

1.4k words

As the daughter of a high ranking naval officer an arranged marriage was something you had expected your whole life, but being shipped off from your comfortable home in your human kingdom for an arranged marriage to help strengthen the alliance between your kingdom and the neighboring monster kingdom after the war was not what you had in mind.

No smut yet, but it’s coming!

—————-

The only person in the room that looked like they wanted to be there possibly less than you was the man you were supposed to be marrying. He stood tall and well built, long limbed, and broad shoulders, quite the intimidating sight as most trolls were. It also did not help that he stood in full war regalia and was well armed, looking like the horror stories whispered by soldiers returning from the recently ended war between your human kingdom and the neighboring monster kingdom.

Stiff pleasantries were exchanged between your ambassador and the war council, token words about solidifying alliances and other formalities.

This was not how it was supposed to go. You were the eldest daughter of a high ranking naval officer in your kingdom, an arranged marriage was no problem, but it was supposed to be to some newly appointed captain that showed a lot of promise of rising through the ranks. With any luck he’d be deployed a lot, you would have a few kids together, and continue your life of luxury.

The man in front of you was Zen’jan, some sort of war hero and representative of the local troll tribe here on the war council that advised the orcish king. He stood tall, likely close to 8.5ft though still proportioned like a human, if not a bit long limbed. His skin was a rich sort of sapphire tone with bright green eyes and a shaggy mane of dark green hair that was shaved short on the sides. Pointed, upright ears that would put any elf’s to shame stood up tall on the sides of his head. Most noticeable of all were his tusks though, almost like an elephant’s, long and highly adorned. Elaborate designs were carved into them and gold bands wrapped around the base right before they vanished into the sides of his mouth.

Before you had anymore time to dwell on things, suddenly you and Zen’jan were the center of attention. Several troll women were fussing over you and painting symbols on your arms with a sticky, metallic smelling red liquid you tried not to think too much about. The women repeated the same process with Zen’jan before handing him the bowl of liquid.

As he approached you fought the urge to step back away from him, to run back to the ship that brought you here and hide and wait for this nightmare to be over. Instead you stood there, playing the part of the good daughter who was expected to make her family proud and do what was best for her kingdom.

You watched his hand as he dipped a finger into the bowl, only three fingers on his large hand, and reached out towards your face. Slowly he traced a finger down the center of your forehead and nose, leaving a line of what you were still desperately hoping was not blood, and then a dot in your chin before handing you the bowl.

“The same” he told you, his words heavily accented, human common clearly not his first language.

You held your breath and forced down the urge to gag as you dipped your finger in the bowl and repeated marking his face like he had yours.

Words were exchanged in a language you did not speak, Zen’jan nodding solemnly and seemingly answering in agreement until it was you turn. You turned to face the crowd like he did and were given a word to repeat after each question, some sort of “yes” or otherwise agreement probably.

A moment of silence filled the room and hung heavy in the air while you waited for whatever was next. Out of the corner of your eye you saw him move and you flinched as he went to touch you, catching a flash of resignation on his face for just a second. He held still with his hand outreached for a moment before placing it on the back of your head and pressing his forehead to yours, smearing the possible blood on his hand into your hair and the mark on your face.

The chatter resumed, people approached and spoke to him in languages you did not speak and smiled at you politely.

“You will go with Bira” he directed at you, “She will take you home and help you get settled. I will be home later” his tone left no room to argue.

He motioned to a troll woman at the edge of the crowd who happily bounded over and spoke with her for a moment before she excitedly grabbed your hand.

“It’s nice to meet you! Let’s get you home, I’m sure you’re tired” she smiled, her common more fluent than his.

You followed Bira through the city, learning she was Zen’jan’s cousin as she chattered away for the entire walk. Dirt and dust coated your shoes and hem of your skirt as you walked, barely any paved roads in the city it seemed, just hard packed earth.

After what felt like an eternity you arrived at an unassuming wooden door. Back at your family’s manor you would have been greeted by servants, ushered in and doted on, but here you were just greeted by a small, empty home.

The majority of the house seemed to actually be carved into the rock face of the ravine the city was built in, the small wooden structure you saw from the outside was only an entry way. The main room centered around a hearth in the middle of the room, surrounded by stone floors worn smooth by years of traffic. The far side of the room was raised slightly with wooden floors and a large bed generously covered in blankets and furs. A small door along the stone back wall was closed, something to be explored later.

Bira continued chatting, not that you particularly were paying attention to a word she said.

“I’ll be back in a bit with some food, you just rest now” you caught from her as she let herself out.

Sitting on the bed you wanted to cry. This was not the life you were supposed to have. You sniffled and rubbed at your nose, immediately retching as you realized you just rubbed your bloody hand across you face.

Finally you cracked, crying and wailing at the unfairness of the situation. You were far from being the only unwed daughter of someone important in your kingdom, why did it have to be you?

You stormed through the door at the back of the house to find a spacious bathroom, the sink, a large tub, and toilet all carved from the stone itself. A simple mirror hung over the sink and you took the time to survey yourself. The marking on your forehead was smeared, and blood was smudged across your nose. You looked exhausted and disheveled and still felt worse than you looked.

A small victory, at least there was hot water when you turned the tap for the sink. On the ledge of the sink there was a bar of surprisingly nice soap that smelled of herbs and flowers and you quickly washed your face and hands and at made some attempt to rise the back of you head in the sink.

Once back in the main room you wrapped yourself in the blankets in the bed and curled up, anything you could do to try to shield yourself from everything.

Time passed, Bira came and went with food and you ignored her, the sun set, and now the house dark and cold.

It was late when Zen’jan finally returned and your heart sank, dreading what was to come. His eyes darted across your face where you peaked out from the blankets before he approached. Instinctively you recoiled back as he got to the edge of the bed.

“I am not going to touch you” he snapped and snatched a pillow off the bed before slinking over to hearth and beginning to work on starting a fire.

A small fire now cast shadows around the room and began to chase the chill from the air. Zen’jan laid on the ground with his back to you at the edge of the of the wood floor and the pillow he snatched, but otherwise did not interact with you.

Part of you probably should have felt bad seeing that he was intending on sleeping on the floor in his own home, but much more of you was relieved that at least for now he was going to just leave you be.

Part 2

[pilfappreciator]

Been seeing lots of Bruce x Reader content which is fine! Great even! But I've seen absolutely NOBODY acknowledged the existence of his fine ass muppet wife so I went ahead and DID IT MYSELF 😤😤😤

Bruce/Brandi x Reader

Includes: GN! Reader, polyamory, lots of MILF/DILF appreciation (as there should be), Vacay Lovers

🧡 Chances are you first met them while visiting Vacay Island. Bruce welcomed you with open arms and that charming attitude of his, got you nice and situated for your stay. Eventually he introduced you to his lovely wife Brandi and the kids

💜 The couple warm up to you pretty quick. You've got a great personality, you never hesitate to help them out around the island, their kids adore you (not to mention you're pretty cute)

🧡 These two are honestly couple goals. Literally soulmates. They're super devoted to one another and its pretty obvious to everyone around that they're meant to be. I mean they literally have a gaggle of kids so yknow they're in it for the long run

💜 THAT BEING SAID!! It'd probably be a while before you three actually got together

🧡 Bruce and Brandi only have eyes for each other (at least at first). Introducing someone new into the relationship probably wouldn't even occur to them unless they got to know that person really well, and even then there'd still be long discussions between the two about whether they're really ready for that kind of change. What it would mean for the relationship, how it might affect them, their family and business, ect.

💜 These two never half-ass things. Both are the type to pour their entire souls into what they deem important so if you're gonna be with them, then you bet your ass that it's gonna be for the long haul. The three of you WILL retire and grow old together okay they will PERSONALLY see to it

🧡 But eventually, after you've known them for a year or two and once they've both come to terms with how they feel about you?

💜 BABES PREPARE TO GET SWEPT OFF YOUR FEET

🧡 These two are the perfect team (comes with co-owning a business and running a family ig)

💜 After years of being the heartthrob of BroZone, Bruce is an expert at putting his natural charm and good looks to use. This man is constantly making time to come over and strike up a conversation. And I think it's universally agreed that the guy is not shy or subtle once so ever, so expect a lot of compliments/winks/charming smirks thrown your way. This man is fully leaning up against the wall beside you, giving you that signature Casanova Smoulder(tm), all while telling you how he and Brandy are planning to add french fries to the bar menu

🧡 "But it's supposed to be a surpise until then so let's just keep this between the three of us. Okay, beautiful?" He says with a wink, raising a finger and briefly pressing it against your lips

💜 You probably shouldn't get so flustered over French fries... unfortunately Bruce is sexy and knows it 😔

🧡 Brandi isn't as on-the-nose as her husband but that doesn't mean she's any less effective. She managed to snag someone like Bruce afterall so you KNOW she's got game

💜 Definitely gives you just as many compliments and praise but she's very like... very nonchalant about it?? Like the two of you will be mid convo and she'll just randomly go "wow you are literally so gorgeous haha. Are you sure you're single?"

🧡 You have about five seconds to respond before she's moving on and telling you all about how one of her sons keeps getting stuck in ketchup bottles

💜 It's kinda hard to tell if she's actually flirting with you. She's pretty laid back compared to her husband and at certain times she seems like a bit of an airhead, so whenever she says something nice, it tends to come off as a casual compliment...

🧡 But then there are times where she'll like? Brush a strand of hair outta your face, or wipe some food from the corner of mouth unprompted, or point out a piece of jewelry you have on by running her fingers over it?? Her skin grazing your own just the barest amount??? All while she's giving you that look??????

💜 This woman is sneaky as fuck ngl

🧡 Expect to hear these two gush about each other on the daily. They are CONSTANTLY hyping each other up whenever they're apart (they're in love what do you expect?), but when you've got the BOTH OF THEM in front of you??

💜 They are a well-oiled machine. You are absolutely getting tag teamed by this duo. By the time you leave their company expect to be red in the face and your heart skipping a few beats

🧡 You get invited to a LOT of family meals. Mostly dinners, but sometimes lunch and even breakfast too. And believe me, there is no such thing as a quite meal with this family. They have 13 chaotic kids who are always getting into shit so expect to come outta the whole ordeal with a few food stains on your clothes

💜 look out for Bruce Jr. cuz that kid will for sure try to start a food fight

🧡 Bruce and Brandi are always super apologetic about any messes that occur (they know first hand how exhausting their gaggle of kids can be), but then you just smile and seem genuinely unbothered? Maybe even amused by it all??

💜 "Babe what's their ring size?"

"Brandi, honey, pretty sure we have to at least take them on a date first."

"I'm just asking for a friend!"

"...Am I the friend?"

"You know you are, babe."

🧡 Yeah if these two catch you hitting it off with their kids and showing a genuine interest in their hobbies/interest/lives?? They are SWOONING, vows are being MADE, rings are being CHOSEN—

💜 If at any point you recognize Bruce from BroZone, or if Brandi brings it up in conversation in an attempt to boost her man's rep, then prepare yourself because Bruce will most definitely start putting on a show

🧡 Under normal circumstances he'd be wayyyy more hesitant. Performing anything from his past doesn't bring up the best memories... but he's willing to bust out a good bop if it earns him brownie points in your book (and it better considering that his wife is always telling him how hot he looks whenever he's doing his "boy band thing" lol)

💜 OUTINGS WITH BRANDi!! This woman is taking you shopping or out to the nearest cafe/restaurant that just so happens to serve your favorite, what do you know! Sometimes she brings you along to meet her friends, all of whom are well aware of your existence wink wonk

🧡 Will swoon and fan herself whenever you offer to pay for things, but like as a joke!

💜 (not)

🧡 Chances are the kids already know what's up with the three of you. Maybe it doesn't click immediately but Bruce Jr. notices that how his parents treat and act around you is the same as they treat and act around each other, he goes blabbing to his siblings and soon enough they're all in on it. They don't entirely understand the complexity of the situation... but they're aware that one extra parent potentially means more presents for christmas sooooo

💜 These little shits are mischievous as hell. They are asking you what your favorite color is just to subtly drop the answer while Brandi is out shopping for trinkets. You mention what kind of music you're into and suddenly Bruce is looking up playlists

🧡 You better believe all 13 of them have started a betting pool going about who will confess first, you or their parents.

💜 Brandi's friends might be in on this betting pool. The other vacationers too

🧡 Eventually (after lots of pining and a fuck ton of patiently biding their time), Bruce and Brandi decide to take the leap and invite you into the relationship

💜 They invite you to dinner. It is a WHOLE ordeal and they've been planning months in advance. The kids are off being babysat by one of Brandi's friends (both parties were suspiciously cool with this sudden course of action). Their business is put on pause with little complaint from their customers (again, suspicious)

🧡 You're immediately drowned in compliments the second you show up at the door. You could legit just be dressed in your pj's and they're like "wow those sweatpants really make your eyes pop 😀" sjsjskakaka

💜 You are being waited on hand and foot the whole time. Bruce is manifesting every ounce of romanticism he can— flower petals everywhere, candles are lit, he's got a ukulele tuned and ready for when he eventually serenades you. Meanwhile Brandi has cooked you a feast made entirely of all your favorites and is tucking little flowers into your hair every now and then. At some point she hands you a cute piece of jewelry she saw while out shopping the other day. Just a little somethin somethin that immediately made her think of you <33

🧡 Overall, dinner is going great! The three of you are having a blast in each other's company and it's refreshing to be able to have a conversation without worrying about rambunctious kids or another pink eye outbreak. The atmosphere is quite yet intimate. Their hard work is not going to waste. You are thoroughly wooed

💜 And just when dessert is about to be served—

🧡 "We think you're really hot."

"Wha— BRANDi! My song!"

"Hmm? OH, was I supposed to wait till after—?"

💜 Yeahhh they kinda fumble the confession ngl. You'd think they'd be smoother but they are both: 1) very excited, and 2) very nervous

🧡 Nevertheless, their point gets across. For a moment they kinda panic because of how quite you are afterwards, but really you're just? Absolutely flabbergasted?? These two hotties wanna date YOU??? FR??????

💜 Of course once you manage to form a coherent response (hopefully a positive one), the couple is literally over the moon

🧡 Brandi's flapping her lil muppet hands all excited like "OMIGOSH THEY SAID YES?!"

💜 And Bruce is just smirking and all like "of course they did, honey, did you seriously think they'd say no to the two of us?" all while simultaneously releasing the death grip he had on his ukulele (this man is a fraud)

🧡 Victory dessert follows shortly after. Your hands become absolutely useless for the next few minutes because these two are DEFINITELY TAKING TURNS SPOON-FEEDING YOU AJSHAKAKAKA

💜 The night ends with the three of you hanging out on the couch, either with Bruce serenading you and Brandi or the three of you just cuddling in a pile (probably both ngl)

🧡 Cue the next morning. The kids come back just to find you all fast asleep in the living room, you in the middle with their parents on either side

💜 Pictures are 100% being taken

I love these two a lot, could you tell?

Thinkin about doing a PART TWO!! Lemme know what you guys think 👀

[chabric]

Comic I've made for a fanzine "detail of loved one" ofc I choose to make something moomin related

[notllorstel]

making the eldest trolls siblings interact

[monstersholygrail]

Went to a Japanese Tea Garden yesterday and it was so breathtakingly beautiful and majestic. My mind started to wander as I was looking around and I couldn’t help but imagine how many monsters would be scurrying about if they were real.

Little fairies playing in the plants and playing amusing tricks on the people that pass by. Lighting up the sky once it gets darks and makes the garden look even more lovely.

Trolls hiding under all the bridges and just waiting to squirm out and force the visitors to answer their riddles if they wish to continue over the bridge.

Water dragons gliding through the shimmering waters of the garden. A protective monster who looks out for the wellbeing of the garden and wants to keep it looking pretty. May splash some water in your face if it’s feeling playful.

All sorts of forest entity monsters from all walks of life. Drawn in by the garden’s beauty and the people who come there to see it.

A mix of monsters where even if they don’t always get along there’s a peaceful sense of harmony within the space.

[celestialkiri]

People on Twitter simps hard for my ice troll Rapsora 😩

[bibi-likes-to-draw]

I love this AU sm it hurts /pos

The Putt Putt Poppy AU belongs to @tezzbot

Reblogs greatly appreciated!

[mangoshibi]

Alright ya'll I've been COOKING!! it's spooky time!!

This is the Countdown AU, a zombie/infection AU with what is known as the pop virus.

[ #countdownau belongs to @/SkyBreadd @/SoapNess and @/Haybbale on Twitter/X please support their original idea and for more information!!] [ Part 1 <---- here ]

[fablivious1]

Broppy enchanted au, I have no idea if anyone has done this before but regardless I will make my own version

[ohposhers]

Your Fleek content has chemically altered my brain in ways I can't describe/pos

SOBBING AT THIS LMAOOOOOO FUCKING LITERALLYYYYY i love Creek being a horrible guy so much he wants to cause so much harm to everyone who wronged him and Floyd is his outlet to do that

[ladywatereton]

I made Poppy and Branch using geometric shapes from Canva!😹💐💖

[commandershepardvasfuckit]

An Arranged Marriage, part 13

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12

M!troll x f!reader

1.6k words

Zen has been spending much more time at home over the last week. With all the extra time together you’ve had the chance to really start enjoying his company, and enjoying that he prefers to be shirtless a lot.

(I am feral over my own character, ask box is always open for talking about my writing or just monster fucking in general!)

————

Zen laid sprawled across the bed on his back mulling over reports. It was nice to see him like this, just taking up space finally after spending a month making himself smaller around you. You liked watching him, just seeing him at ease, just taking in all the little details about him.

“You’ve been home a lot recently” you remarked.

“I am sorry, I do not mean to crowd you” he said.

“No, no that’s not what I meant. It’s been nice having you home more”. Over the last week Zen had not been rushing right out after breakfast, he had been coming home for lunch, coming back earlier for dinner, and even on two days stayed home all day.

“That makes me happy to hear” he was looking over at you now, a soft smile on his face.

“So has there just not been much going on with the council recently?”

“It has been the same, there is always something to do”.

“Is it alright then that you’re home so much?”

“I have more than enough time for my duties, both to my people and to my wife”.

“I just don’t want you to get in trouble, you used to spend all day at the hold with the council”.

“There was never a need for that. I just was trying to give you space. I just did my best to stay out and not bother you”.

“I’m sorry” you apologized, you had not realized he had been avoiding coming home for your sake.

“It is ok, it is what you needed to feel safe here”.

“Maybe, but it was lonely too. It’s nice to have you home though now”.

He reached out a hand towards you and you went to sit next to him, spending the rest of the evening just sitting together and chatting.

“What in the world happened to you!?” you demanded as Zen walked in the door. He was a bit bruised and scrapped up, and his lip was bleeding. You had just started running a bath for yourself as you had not expected him home for a while more.

“Ba wanted to spar, and I think I am out of practice” he shrugged, “I think I have become too lax with training since the war ended. I do not usually beat Ba, but he usually does not lay me out like that either. I am going to be sore tomorrow, but nothing a hot bath cannot help with tonight”.

“I was just running a bath but I think you need it more than me” you said.

“Oh no, that is fine. I can wait, I do not want to disrupt your plans” he said.

“Maybe, you could join me?” it took all your courage to say it out loud. It had been nice falling asleep and waking up cuddled up together over the last week, it was nice being close to him. You had also been enjoying the fact that Zen had been shirtless around the house for the most part over the last week quite a bit. Maybe seeing more of him would be nice.

“Oh!” he was clearly caught off guard and you saw the purple blush spread across his face, “I, um- are you certain?”

“Yeah, I think so”.

“You think? Or you know? I do not want anything more than you are willing to give”.

“I’d like you to join me” you said more firmly this time.

“I would like that” he smiled.

You quickly undressed with your back to him in the bathroom, not quite feeling that brave yet and quickly hopped in the tub. Zen however took his time and you could not help but watch. You watched the way he pulled his shirt up and over his head to carefully avoid his tusks and how he carefully folded it and set it aside. You watched him unlace the ties of his pants and slide them down, glancing over at you where shyly peered over the edge of the tub.

You nearly sank down under the water when you got an eyeful of him. Sure you had seen him bare from the back a week ago, but this was entirely different and you could not stop staring. Even half hard now he was an impressive size. He was lighter toned at his base with a darker tip and his lack of body hair meant nothing was hidden.

He smirked when he noticed you staring, which only made you blush harder and duck below the edge of the tub.

“My wife is allowed to look at me, and maybe like what she sees?” he raised an eyebrow in nervous question.

He settled into the tub with you, stretching his legs out in either side of you so you could sit in front of him and lean back against him. With your head against his chest you could hear his heart racing just as fast as yours.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

“Yeah” you said. You did not know why exactly this made you so nervous, you had been with people many times before, but never did it make your heart race like this.

“May I touch you? Just your arms” he asked.

You nodded, unable to find words.

He gently gave your shoulders a squeeze and lightly ran his fingertips up and down your arms a few times. You also heard him humming the same song he did whenever he was trying to comfort you, though it seemed just as much for his benefit as yours. Slowly you relaxed more, fully leaning back against him and letting him wash your arms for you.

As you got your courage back you reached up to run your fingers along one of his tusks, the vibrations from his humming echoing through it and making your fingers buzz pleasantly.

“Ahh, so you will touch me when I am awake then” he teased, which only made you blush more. “You are not as sneaky as you think you are. I feel you in the morning touching my tusks when you think I am still asleep. Or playing with my ears or hair after you finish combing my hair and think I fell asleep”.

“Why not say anything then?” you asked.

“Because I know you will stop if I did say anything and I really enjoy it. If that is what it takes for you to be comfortable touching me then so be it”.

He was always so careful to never make you feel uncomfortable. Never touching you without your permission, waiting for you to initiate any cuddling, it was something you do not think you would have been afforded if you were married off to someone in your kingdom like you always assumed you would be. You had been with him for nearly a month and a half now and had only just started sleeping in the same bed, had only now started any sort of affection or intimacy, you knew you would have never gotten the luxury of going at your own pace in your kingdom.

You turned to the side a little to press your cheek to his chest and nuzzle against him, he always was so happy any time you returned his affection. His heart was still racing too, but you heard his soft, contented purr too.

“Thank you” you said.

“For what?” he asked.

“For always thinking about me, for never forcing anything, for just always making sure I’m ok. It’s not something I ever thought I’d have”.

“Of course” he hugged you tight against him, “What kind of husband would I be if I did not make sure my wife was comfortable?”

“A better husband than I expected to have”.

“Then I do not think I like what is expected in a human marriage”.

“Maybe it’s not like that if you marry for love, but that’s not what an arranged marriage is for. It’s political, help further your family and yourself, make sure you can keep living with your same standards, that’s what matters”.

“I do not like that” he said flatly.

“That’s just life”.

“Not here. Whether or not we got to choose each other does not matter, you are my wife and I will always treat you with love and respect. I will always make sure you feel safe, and comfortable, and loved regardless of how you feel towards me. Even if you do not ever feel the same, I will make sure you always feel loved”.

You wanted to cry. Anything resembling love was not something you ever expected. His words were not quite a confession of love exactly, but it was still more than you thought you would ever get.

“Hey, hey” his voice was soft in your ear, “I am sorry. I did not mean to make you cry”.

You had not noticed you had started to cry, “It’s ok, it’s not a bad cry, just feeling a lot right now”.

“That is ok, as long as I did not upset you” softly he nuzzled the top of your head.

“I think I’m just feeling vulnerable being naked” you joked, trying to push down any big feelings.

“I am sorry, I did not mean to spring anything on you” he apologized again.

“You apologize too much” you sniffled, trying to compose yourself.

“I am sorry” he laughed.

Part 14

[pilfappreciator]

Part 1 | Part 2

WAKE UP BABES!! DINNER IS SERVED!!!

Bruce/Brandi x Reader: part 2

Includes: GN! Reader, Vacay Lovers, polyamory, relationship headcanons, slight Bruce Jr. slander

💜 These two took things slow when they were wooing you, you better BELIEVE they're gonna do the same once you've actually been bagged

🧡 I MEAN DON'T GET ME WRONG!! They're not any less passionate about you or anything, but like... c'mon. They're middle-aged, run a full time business and are married with kids. They've got a lot on their hands already so chances are they're not immediatly urging you to move in with them or just straight up sign marriage documents (sorry to disappoint u_u)

💜 But like I said: this doesn't mean they're not good lovers

🧡 In fact I'd say in my entirely unbiased opinion that they'd make fantastic lovers! Wonderful! Superb, even!

💜 So naturally, once you find yourself added to the relationship? Expect all that supportive energy thrown your way too lol

🧡 No matter what endeavor you choose to pursue, rest easy knowing you'll have your own personal cheerleaders having your back at all times. You got a hobby you're really into? SAY LESS BABES!! Gift-giving is Brandi's love language so you bet your ass she's buying you everything you could possibly need. Wanna pursue some form of higher education, maybe get some fancy degree? BOOM, you've just signed yourself up for study sessions with Bruce

💜 (I mean like... he might not be much help if you're studying for something shmancy like law or medicine, but he will happily hold and read out flashcards for you :3)

🧡 Or maybe you just wanna help out around Vacay Island which? Yes hello they would love that??

💜 Running a business is no easy feat so the couple definitely welcome the extra set of hands (paws??). If you're more social and outgoing then chances are you're out on the front lines with Bruce, taking orders for food, welcoming guests and getting them settled in, leading activites like volleyball or the weekly shuffleboard tournament, etc.

🧡 Obviously if you'd rather remain behind the scenes, you're more than welcome to join Brandi on her end of things. Making food, booking guests into their rooms, keeping track of all the finances, etc.

💜 Maybe you're crap with spreadsheets and numbers and just wanna like... keep her company while she works at her desk? Grab her some refreshments every now and then?? Maybe even offer a shoulder massage once you've noticed she's been hunched over for too long???

🧡 I swear this woman will cherish you forever

💜 Whether you're another troll like Bruce or a fellow Vacationer like Brandi, the way you spend time with either of these two can differ

🧡 If you're on the smaller side? Bruce just enjoys getting to hold your hand while walking alongside you on the beach. The man spends pretty much all his time around literal giants and it can get a little overwhelming sometimes, so he can definitely appreciate having someone around who's more on his level (hehe). Brandi on the other hand just thinks your small size is cute! Hands down one of her favorite things is when either you or Bruce (OR BOTH) just like? Casually hitch a ride on her shoulder?? Or she'll hold you both in the palm of of her hand and just go "omigosh it's totally like holding a couple of grapes haha :D"

💜 Reader POV: Ah yes. Me, my boyfriend, and our giant girlfriend/wife

🧡 On the flipside, if you're closer to Brandi's size? This woman is taking every available opportunity to take full advantage of the fact. She's laying kisses all over your face, running her fingers through your hair, cuddling with you after a long day of work, etc etc. Technically speaking she COULD (and DOES) do all this regardless of how big/small you are... but at the same time it's just soooo much easier when she doesn't have to constantly watch herself so she doesn't accidentally crush you ://

💜 Meanwhile Bruce is just like "if either of you DO crush me... you won't hear any complaints from my end, just sayin"

🧡 Man is horrendously down bad 😳

💜 Last post i was like OUTINGS WITH BRANDI, but this post?? SURFING LESSONS WITH BRUCE! This man will not rest until you know how to ride a wave, okay, he is DEDICATED. Once you've gotten good enough, expect regular invites to the beach so you two can hit the ocean asdjahdslak

🧡 I like to think that even while running a business and family, Bruce and Brandi are still perfectly capable of maintaining a healthy love life— both with each other and you. Partly because they're just that in love but also cuz they don't let ANYTHING get in the way of weekly date nights (yeah that's right, plural)

💜 Bruce, on the phone: "Hey honey, me and (____) are outside the resturaunt. Where are you?"

"Oh, I'll probably be a few minutes. Bruce Jr. just set off a firework in the kitchen, you know how he is. But you two should go get us a table while you're waiting!"

"Alright, we'll see you later, love you :)"

"I love you guys more~"

🧡 And then Bruce just... hangs up and leads you inside the resturaunt, meanwhile you're just?? Very concerned????

💜 Dates with these two are pretty casual ngl. Neither feel the need for extravagant displays of love, so chances are the three of you are just spending some quality time together. Chillin at home without the kids, cooking/baking food together, watching reality TV

💜 (Tbh there's probably some trollverse version of The Bachelor/Bachelorett and lemme tell you that these two EAT THAT SHIT UP)

🧡 Of course if you wanna go out somewhere fancy then no worries!! Your girl Brandi knows the downlow on all the hottest spots in town and Bruce likely has enough connections to get you three reservations at even the fanciest restaurants

💜 Simply ask and these two will find a way to get it done <33

🧡 LOTS OF FAMILY OUTINGS WITH THE VACAY LOVERS HOUSEHOLD!!!

💜 At some point in the relationship Bruce will approach you and go "Hey, our son Benni has a dance recital tomorrow, did you wanna come?" and the second you say yes is the second you offically become a permanent member of the family. You are joining their monthly family camping trips. You are helping Brandi make cupcakes for school soccer games. You and Bruce are sitting down with the kids for homework help

🧡 Hopefully you've got good memory cuz you're gonna need to memorize 13 different fast food orders whenever the kids drag you to Bergen King askdhalslk

💜 Speaking of the little shits

🧡 You thought you were spending a lot of time with them BEFORE you were smoochin their parents?? Well congrats because the second you start becoming a permanent member at the dinner table, expect to have all 13 of them constantly hanging off you

💜 Maybe one of them needs your help practicing a new move they've learned from their martial arts class, maybe another wants someone to listen as they info dump about their latest hyperfixation, or maybe they just need help kickstarting their underground fireworks selling business

🧡 Cough cough (Bruce Jr) cough cough

ASJKJDHALJSKD THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN, I LOVE THESE TWO SO MUCH!! There were a for more headcanons i wanted to touch upon but the post was getting long lol. Definitely plan on doing more for them tho so no worries uwu

but i mean like if you guys got prompts/questions then go ahead, my asks are open 👀👉👈