#tried multiple times to put any coherent thoughts i had about the flip side into a post and this was the only thing that worked

[luminouslotuses]

rip jecka you would’ve loved good graces by sabrina carpenter

[theseerasures]

RWBY V08C14 reaction post

haven’t done something like this for this fandom yet, but the finale was so much all at once that i could not muster any level of critical thinking the first go-around. my thoughts have...settled somewhat with a second rewatch. still nothing conclusive (obviously), but at least coherent enough to be written down.

in rough chronological order:

i am very into it, of course, but i’m still not quite sure what to make of the fact that this finale very explicitly pivots around Winter Schnee, to the extent that the episode (sans prologue and coda) are bookended by her. she begins the episode charging into a fight, and ends it the same way. even putting aside that her in-universe presence has increased by magnitudes, that we end a season where she has mostly been a sparse supporting player with THIS has implications i can’t suss out for her narrative role going forward.

going into the finale i thought that Ironwood vs. Winter would turn out to be another RWBY Flagship Fight (ie long and flashy and indulgent in the best ways), but i pretty much knew that wouldn’t be the case once the fight began in earnest and they immediately started talking to each other.

for what we did get i’m happy to say that the Core Dynamic of the fight was exactly what i predicted: Winter rushing in to melee and not giving Ironwood enough time to fire, Ironwood trying to make room by shoving her away and using his cannon as a makeshift club--even down to breaking the cannon formation BACK to dual wielding to give himself an edge.

i will say that for Winter to have blocked him head-on--this is James Ironwood, who once stopped an Alpha Beowolf cold with one bionic hand, and now he’s got TWO--with her broken noodle arms is...incredibly cool. stupid! but cool.

Ironwood doing the double pistol whip while screaming about how no one is grateful has i wouldn’t have to be doing this if you just behaved all over it.

in retrospect i’m not sure why i expected a RWBY Flagship Fight when just about every fight this season has been extremely different. the camera work is always fucking frantic, we’re often cross-cutting between different simultaneous fights, and there are far fewer shots where both combatants are clearly shown and evenly matched. about the only fight we’ve had resembling that is AceOps vs Penny waaaaaaay back in Strings--even the low-stakes triumphant JNPER + Winter vs. Ironwood fight in Creation was extremely short and crosscut with BRA vs. AceOps.

case in point: the showdown in Grand Central takes up pretty much the entire episode, but combatants are continuously entering and exiting, the setting’s physical dimensions feel wonky and surreal, and the fact that half of the people fighting have flight capabilities means we’re relying on wide shots and oners to figure out what the fuck is going on. it’s a war now, and even though we follow only a handful of characters in it the fights carry that grander and more desperate tone.

Cinder relies twice this episode on just fucking nova-ing herself to overwhelm her Maiden opponents. it’s different from how she usually fights, which is still fireballs and conjured swords/projectiles--she’s learning to use her Maiden powers to wreak havoc on a larger scale, which a) reinforces what we already know of Cinder, but b) complements her recent relearning of subtlety and manipulation. still a tenuous balance of extremes that can and will shatter, though.

Weiss got to save everyone during the fight, and none of it mattered in the end.

the thing about priority one is that they all planned for this. they all went in planning for the contingency where they don’t make it out, where they have to watch others not make it out.

Weiss plucking Penny out of the air and Penny pleading to make the sacrifice play is an EXACT recreation of what happened in Enemy of Trust, down to the saved looking up at the savior while the savior is looking onward. she’s just swapped places with the Schnee in question, and...they are the priority targets this time, unfortunately.

Cinder smugly flipping her hair out of...her eyepatch...she really is living her best life and she knows it

Blake made the right choice, and it didn’t matter at all.

Qrow ending the last episode with a berserker charge at Harriet and then immediately pulling back here and trying to talk her down really got to me, as did him trying to block the bomb with his body. the man is so desperately trying to be better than he was, and it doesn’t take a lot anymore for him to realize the right path.

Elm and Vine--

the thing about Elm and Vine is that both their powers boil down to getting attached. so watching Elm hold Vine in place while Vine holds the two airships together, everyone in this little world, it’s...everything i could ever want, out of how the story of the AceOps would end.

Anairis Quinones for dark horse MVP. why can’t you just let me do my job, delivered in the way that it was, is the perfect encapsulation of Harriet Bree desperately trying to outrun her personal feelings and the grief it has given her.

Elm tells Harriet that she’s their friend, to stop her from killing a part of herself as she tries to kill others. it’s the first time this happens in the episode, but not the only time.

Penny saved Blake so they could save Ruby together, and it didn’t matter at all.

our heroes have GOT to stop falling for the “watch the thing flying in the air! OH WAIT I STILL HAVE A WEAPON IN MY HAND WALLOP WALLOP” trick. it happens multiple times in this one episode.

Harriet, who has the fastest Speed Semblance known, says there’s no time to make it out of the blast range. she doesn’t try to outrun it. she just...stays put, and admits that she brought them all here, to this. i’m sorry.

here’s the thing: they’re soldiers. they were prepared for this eventuality, where they don’t make it out. that’s why Elm let Vine go grab Harriet; because she thought they were all going to die, and if that happened she wanted Harriet close enough to reach.

but--just like with Team Hero--some of them do make it out. they just have to watch.

Vine and Hazel sacrificed themselves in the same way in the end: pulling their loved ones close wasn’t working, so they threw themselves around the thing trying to kill them instead.

Ruby was clever, and pragmatic, and brave. it didn’t matter in the end.

Cinder letting Neo fall as soon as she gets a chance proves that she still lacks patience, and that’s going to bite her in the ass.

the Penny-Blake fastball special and the fall; Penny crying tears for the first time, but not moving immediately to rage, as she had last episode, when Yang fell.

Weiss’ shaking hands around Gambol Shroud, crying berserker tears as she tries, desperately, to pull off another miracle. it’s another role reversal in a way: her sister’s the Riza Hawkeye, but she’s the one emptying useless clip after useless clip into an enemy she can’t kill, because her heart has been ripped in two.

the last time Nora Valkyrie saw Jaune Arc, they clasped hands, and their eyes met with determination, and hope.

it figures that a Schnee would be the last one standing, letting all her friends die first. she was right, but again: wrong Schnee.

Weiss diving past Cinder’s blind spot to slice the Grimm Arm, to save Penny--the same script, but the wrong player. and too late.

at Haven, Jaune went from trying to do harm to unlocking his Semblance, and realizing that he was meant to heal. here, he goes from trying to do what he is meant to do, what he has made peace with, to...

it will take a long time, i think, for him to learn to live with himself, even with Penny reassuring him that this is what she wants. to go from wanting to harm to being the one who does no harm, to being forced to acknowledge a person’s right to die, and carry out the deed himself. it’s a new variation on what he’s always had to wrestle with since Pyrrha’s sacrifice.

Weiss managed to outlast Cinder Fall without an Aura WITHOUT getting her entire body broken, Winter

the boundary between material worlds is made of darkness. the boundary between souls is made of light, and there is no danger of falling.

where...what is this? of course Winter doesn’t know. she never would have, even if she had gotten the powers, because she would have used the Transfer machine.

i thought of you, and here we are. that was all it took. the last time Penny saw Winter, Winter was still loyal to Ironwood. she’s only known abstractly, secondhand from Weiss, that Winter was on their side again and trying to help save Mantle, for about an hour. and yet: i thought of you.

and in the face of this thought that is love, Winter averts her eyes. tries in vain to hide her face, because she knows she is unworthy. she doesn’t deserve this.

but here’s the thing: no one deserves this. Penny. are you...the one? even Penny herself wasn’t sure.

you were my friend. the second time it happens this episode. friends save friends from themselves. friends transform what would have been murder into sacrifice.

remember what Penny said to Cinder, shortly before Cinder killed her? you wouldn’t know anything about friends. she’s right. it wasn’t Cinder’s choice, but she’s right. and now Cinder has learned how to use that.

i’ll be part of you. it is, of course, something that’s been brought up repeatedly this whole season. but it’s also what Winter said to Penny after Fria died: she’s a part of you now.

and i do love this yoking together of arc words. Winter is of course the firstborn Schnee, but Winter is, more broadly, The Firstborn in this new generation. so here we have something similar to the chain that begins with Winter letting her sisters go, through Penny letting Emerald go, through Emerald helping Oscar escape, to Atlas’ however ephemeral victory over Salem. what Winter begins--haltingly and with resentment--becomes transformed into radiant grace in the hands of her younger siblings. and she gets to be the direct benefactor this time. the prodigal daughter returns to her family.

during Enemy of Trust we watched from the outside as Oscar fell and Penny rose, as one set of eyes closed as another opened. during The Final Word, we watch from the inside: one set of eyes close. another opens.

Winter’s leitmotif plays on the piano for the first time since the previous season as she comes back to the world. it makes sense. the piano version is for her sisters, and she just left one of them.

here is the apotheosis of Winter Schnee: she gets back up. she falters and sways but she gets back up, and then she, the person who once managed to convince herself that so long as she could make peace with someone else’s choice it meant she too was choosing, tells the man who has been choosing for her for years: you chose nothing. and she rises.

in the end James Ironwood was finished by his petard thrice over. Atlas had defected against him. his greatest creation had become the Maiden and unshackled herself from him. and there is of course, the cannon: a literal petard, in the other words, which he fires at Winter, and Winter reflects back upon him.

Jaune Arc used the heirloom that his family has held for generations to kill a defenseless girl. he took the blade and sunk it in deep, because Penny trusted him and he had to be sure.

and then it shattered in his hands.

there’s something here in the second fight between Maidens, about Cinder having a named weapon and forsaking it for what she can make on the fly, and Winter insistent on using a weapon with no name at all, but i still can’t put my finger on it.

Winter never got to see Weiss try to Summon her Nevermore.

the thing that gets me about how it turns out is: Winter was winning. she’d managed to get her hands on the Staff, and even with Cinder’s immediate counterattack she managed to get the Staff away from Cinder. but then Cinder saw Jaune and Weiss, and she remembered a few days ago, when Penny saved Winter instead of going after Cinder, when Winter attacked Cinder to save Penny.

so Cinder attacks Weiss and Jaune instead of racing for the Staff. and Winter--

this is Winter Schnee. she saves people despite herself. she runs toward them, despite herself. and it has always, always been what saves her.

not anymore.

last time it had been Winter who was in mortal danger, and Weiss who, with Ruby’s help, drove Cinder off. same script, wrong player. and too late.

Weiss falls and for a moment, the camera makes it seem like Winter is falling too.

she wants to. no one deserves this.

the thing you have to ask when characters leap for the exit and fall just short is: is it about faith, or friendship? in Jaune’s case it’s both. his faith broke with Crocea Mors. and the portal is one-way, so he had no friends to grab him from the other side.

but Nora was still trying. they clasped hands. she promised.

the first time Winter sees her family--really sees them, after years of separation--she averts her eyes. she hides her face from them, because how can she tell them that Weiss is gone? how can she tell Penny’s friends that Penny is a part of her now, when Penny is just a part, now?

there are people all around her looking to her. there are voices within her. she has never been more alone.

(Winter Schnee has never met Pyrrha Nikos, and Pyrrha Nikos never became Maiden. because Pyrrha Nikos never became Maiden. Cinder Fall did that, too.)

this is what Winter Schnee thinks, as she screams and charges, as she kills Grimm faster than they are drawn in by her despair: in the fairy tales, eldest siblings never win.

i failed you again, master. master, but not queen.

Cinder won this. the heroes tried and tried and tried and none of it mattered, and she won this. but here’s the thing: Cinder won because she was LUCKY, and because she made her own luck. that she was able to pin things on Neo and Team Hero depended on things going exactly as planned, and some things going better than planned. and the reason she’d even made it that far was because she cheated, with the last use of a divine relic. it doesn’t take away her from her victory, but what i do know is this: this is her finest moment. she will never win as completely ever again, and she will fall farther than she has ever feared. (and that will save her, in the end.)

and that’s checkmate. i said that i wanted Atlas to fall the same way that Amity rose, but of course they did it like this. of course it would horrific yet unspectacular, with its General slumped in defeat, unable to fire a single shot from his gun. with the city in the sky falling onto Mantle, in Mantle’s palette. from the Dust from which it arose into Dust again.

as below, so above.

[sugako]

cold, cold, cold

pairing: timeskip!tsukki x gn!reader summary: there’s a little too much tension between you and your annoying co-worker at the museum after hours  warnings: 18+ minors dni, smut, semi-public (no one sees), light degradation (very soft imo), quickie a/n: psa do not fuck in a museum.. as someone who has worked in multiple museums i feel need to say this,, also yes, ‘sherd’ is a word

Tsukishima was always around. Not that it was difficult working at a relatively small place. Something about him bothered you, but you couldn’t really figure it out. Maybe it was how he always seemed to sneer at you, or how he commented on your taste in music any time he stuck his head in your office, or how he never seemed to be in a truly pleasant mood. 

At first, you had even thought he was kind of cute albeit a bit awkward. Then you realized he was just selective and a bit haughty. You couldn’t help but think it had to be a front. He was never outright mean to you, although he certainly didn’t stop himself from criticizing you. Much to your dismay, his criticism were generally valid. 

You tried to ignore your own mixed emotions and confusion as you sat in the back of the frigid storage room gently dry brushing a sherd of Hagi ware from some long forgotten collection that had been neglected. 

“Oh, you’re still here.” His deadpan voice struck some fiery chord in your heart, but you simply glanced up. “Everyone else left.” 

“Yeah, I got caught up cleaning these.” You groan as you stretch back in your seat, bones creaking from having been hunched over for so long. “Why are you still here?” 

He rolled his eyes as he adjusted the stack of papers and bag in his hands and sauntered toward you. 

“An interesting song choice. You shouldn’t listen to music while you work, you know.”

You groaned quietly at his condescending attitude as you began shuffling the small piece back into its bag with its museum tag and a little info-note you had written for reference. He set his bag and papers on the table with a small thud.

“I’m allowed to listen to music. Besides, you do it all the time.” 

“You’re allowed, but you shouldn’t listen to such bad music.” He chuckled, snatching your phone of the edge of the work table before you could react. As fast as you could, you jogged over to the sink to give your dust stained hands a quick rinse. With an overly contented sigh, he pressed the pause button. “Isn’t that better?” 

You expectantly held out your hand. “Tsukishima.” You said sharply. 

He cocked an eyebrow, but your angry expression only seemed to egg him on. With a wicked grin he held the phone up beside his head. 

“What?” He asked innocently. 

“Tsukishima,” you urged, “we’re not playing this game.” This was embarrassing, but you couldn’t figure out for you or him. “We’re not ten, just give me it back.” 

“If you agree to listen to better music.” 

You wanted so badly to wipe the stupid smirk off his face, but deep inside you felt there was something a little alluring about it. Even if this situation was laughable at best. Sighing dramatically, you reached up for your phone. “Depends on what you think is ‘better’ music.” Standing up and straining your arm, you didn’t even notice how close you had gotten or how close your foot was too a loose power cord on the ground. 

He hadn’t been entirely steady in his stance, so when you came crashing into him, he went down hard into the cool concrete floor taking you with him. His hand that wasn’t clutching your sleeve was still miraculously clutching your phone. You wrapped your legs under his to trap him and clawed for your phone. 

“Stop, this is ridiculous!” You whined, tugging against his iron grip. 

“You pushed me over. You never look where you’re going.” He quipped back. 

“I only ran into you that one time because you’re so freakishly tall!” 

“You ran into me twice! Apparently you can’t count either.” 

“Who cares?!” 

“The curator should. If you can’t count to two, how can you count artifacts?” 

“What are you even... just shut up, you’re always so-!” 

The grip his fingers had slipped up a little and your ass flew back into his hips. Hard. When you shifted a little in an attempt to free your limbs from him, you felt it. His long cocking pressing sharply into your thigh. 

You gasp and flinch just enough that he notices. His eyes widen and his mouth gapes open as he goes to apologize, desperately trying to get out from under you. 

“This is what does it for you?” Your whisper is half full of wonder and half full of disgust. And he loves it. 

“N-no, you were just moving around so much. That doesn’t mean...” A deep blush lit up his cheeks as he attempted to sputter out some coherent set of words. 

You held back a chuckle as you sat back and stood. When you stuck out a hand for him to lift himself, he graciously took it, not meeting your eyes. 

“I’m just messing with you.” He doesn’t trust the smile on your face though. “But if you wanted to fuck me you should’ve just asked instead of acting like an insolent child.” 

Your hand tightened around his, keeping him locked close to you. 

“I was not acting like an insolent child.” He mumbled, though he made no attempt to move back from you. The look splayed across your face was far from joking. 

You didn’t know what you were doing. The phone thing had been annoying and embarrassing, but when you felt him harden up under you just from a little struggling and mean words it was like a switch flipped. You finally realized why you were so frustrated with him.

“That sounds like something an insolent child would say.” You breathe, maneuvering your fingers around so they were intertwined with his. His soft, shocked expression morphed as he made up his own mind about the situation. 

“You want to fuck me so bad.” He chuckled, an overpowering look gracing his features. 

You set your phone on the counter behind you and rolled your eyes. 

“You can’t stand to not be in charge, can you?” You took his other, very pliant, hand into your own. 

“I don’t care about being in charge when I know I’m right.” He said lowly, leaning into you. 

“Mhmm,” you humored him, leaning in as well. 

Before you could blink, a sloppy clacking of teeth and tongues knocked you back. Tsukishima grabbed your cheeks roughly. You clutched around his slender waist and pulled him into you. His hard cock strained against your front.

Normally so put together, his actions were so hurriedly messy now that he had you in his arms. Despite the fact that you didn't seem to get his humor or appreciate his critiques, he had found himself drawn to you from the day he saw you.

You brushed your fingers up his figure and into his light curls. The rugged tugs on his scalp make him moan into your mouth. His vibrations filled you with a sweet warmth, making you press even closer to him.

Finally, you tore him away by the back of his head. Panting unevenly, you struggled to get the words out. "Want you to fuck me." You breathed hotly into his ear.

"Here?" His condescending tone was marred by his shaking breath. "What a slutty thing to beg for."

"I-I'm not begging for anything." You growled, palming him roughly through his pants.

"So you don't want my cock, then?" His hands grabbed your ass and pushed you back just a few centimeters. "Is that why you look so desperate?"

"You're pretty cocky for someone who got hard over a little tug-of-war." You didn't move your eyes away from his as you unhooked his belt and unbuttoned his pants.

"I wish you would talk less." He groaned and tore himself away from you.

"Excuse me?" You were slumped against the empty counter behind you, incredulous as he rooted through his bag.

"Shut up," his eye roll was almost audible when he stood back and up and turned to you again. He held a little foil package in one hand, smirking. "Turn around and bend over."

The small urge you had to argue was strong, but the sight of his long cock weeping through his powder blue briefs was enough to make you easily comply. Swallowing the thick lump in your throat you clutched onto the edge of the freezing counter.

"Good." He hummed as he came up behind you. His fingers worked around your front to unbutton and rip your pants down. You craned your neck over your shoulder as he carefully opened the condom package and eased it over his long cock.

Shuddering, you relaxed toward the counter. His foot kicked between yours, spreading your legs wider. He watched with pure bliss as your hungry little hole clenched around nothing.

"Just fuck me already." You whined. Not being able to see him or what he was doing was creating a delightful mix of nervousness and excitement in the pit of your stomach.

"Well, I can't say no when you beg like that." He cooed into your ear. As you jumped back in surprise, he quickly slipped his thick cock head just past your entrance. You yelped at the sudden intrusion and tried your best to relax. "Sure you can take me?" He said lowly as he massaged your sides.

You scoffed. "Don't be so full of yourself."

"Alright then..."

In one smooth movement he bottomed out inside of you. As you screamed in both pleasure and dull pain, he clamped a hand over your mouth.

"You take me pretty well and I haven't even really touched you."

You muttered some agreement into his palm. Moving his hand away, he soothingly kneaded his fingers into your lower back, urging you to relax around him.

"Tell me when you can really take me."

"Please," you whined quietly, "move, please..."

He wanted to tell you to speak up, fluster you more than you already were, tease you until you couldn't form a sentence. But here and now wasn't the time or place. So instead, he started moving just as you had pleaded.

You cried out, desperately trying to quiet yourself although there was no one else there except the two of you, as he plunged in and out of your pulsing hole. Even though his strokes were fast and hard you could feel every inch, every vein and ridge. His little moans and gasps drew you closer and closer to the edge, but it wasn't enough.

With your hands trapped between your chest and the counter, you couldn't even move them to relieve yourself. Lost in your own pleasure, you barely noticed how your hips pushed back to meet his as he pounded into you.

"You're so good, please, fuck..." You babbled on.

Your little praises sent him over the edge. With your sweet encouraging, he sloppily thrusted into you, fingers digging deep bruises into your hips as he finally emptied himself into you. The syrupy pitched moan that left his throat made you shiver under him.

He slumped over you for a minute, holding you close. Finally, he pulled away, carefully pulling the condom off and neatly tying it up before tossing it into a nearby trash bin. With unsteady legs you pulled yourself and your pants up. By the time you turned around he already looked completely put back together as if he hadn't been mercilessly pounding into you a minute ago.

Chewing on the inside of your cheek, you didn't quite meet his eyes. "I didn't-"

"Come home with me."

"What?"

"I know you didn't cum, so if you want to you can come home with me and we can finish."

You couldn't help but smile at the blush that graced his cheeks. Trying your best to walk confidently on unsteady feet, you strode up to him and gave him a small kiss on the side of his lips.

"Let's go then."

[tiennewrites]

Swelter (Kuroo x Fem!Reader)

╔═════ ∘◦ ☟ ◦∘ ══════╗

Summary: It’s hot. Like really blisteringly hot. And I’m not just talkin’ about the weather. The A/C in your apartment is broken so you and Kuroo make do.

Genre: slice of life, smut

Word Count: ~2k

Characters: Kuroo Tetsurō, Fem!Reader

Pairings: Kuroo Tetsurō x Fem!Reader

Warnings: ns//fw, PWP, slight dubcon, sweaty sex, overstimulation, multiple orgasms

Ao3 Handle: tiennewrites

Author’s Note: It hit 102°F (about 39°C) today in California so I wrote smut to cope. Hope you all enjoy!

All rights reserved. Do not repost my work.

╚═════ ∘◦ ☝︎ ◦∘ ══════╝

◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇

There was just something about mid-August summers. Outside, the streets of Tokyo were empty in the mid-afternoon heat, when the bright sun bore down at its most intense. Inside your shared apartment, Kuroo fared no better, standing in front of the open fridge flapping his loose t-shirt hoping to find some semblance of relief from the oppressive humidity.

One month into moving in together, your A/C shut down, finally succumbing to old age and overuse. You called the building manager but the old man couldn’t promise a replacement for another two weeks. You and Kuroo would just have to endure.

“You two will be fine! Young people are so resilient,” the old man laughed when your voice reached a frantic pitch.

I guess there’s no accounting for climate change, Kuroo thought ruefully, digging out a bag of frozen peas from your freezer and holding it to his neck. He wandered to your shared bedroom and peeked through the door.

There you were, splayed out in nothing but your panties and a tank top, hair tied up in a floppy bun, snoozing the hot day away. Kuroo knew you didn’t sleep well during the hot summer nights, so he let you catch a couple more hours, but it was getting late. You’d get mad at him if he let you sleep in any longer.

“Babe, wake up. It’s noon,” he tried, a gentle hand on the small of your back shaking you. You let out a whining groan and swatted his hand away turning from him. On a normal day, he would have teased you awake with soft kisses and cuddles, but the overwhelming heat was already testing his patience. How dare you leave him alone to deal with this by himself?

Kuroo took the bag of frozen peas and pressed it to your neck, the sudden chill shocking you awake, making you shriek in surprise.

“Kuroo, whyyyyyy,” you whined, swiping furiously at air while Kuroo held you at arms length, howling with laughter.

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

You crouched in front of the fridge, scanning the possibilities for your very late breakfast. The thought of turning on the gas stove to cook seemed wholly unappealing, so you ended up cutting up the last mango at the bottom of the fruit drawer and throwing all the pieces into a bowl. Kuroo watched with curiosity over your shoulder as you squeezed in lime juice and topped the fruit with chili powder and salt.

You brought your bowl and a fork to the couch and began munching, savoring how the tang of lime and salt complemented the tropical sweetness of the mango. Chilled, the treat brought you some welcome reprieve from the high temperatures.

“Huh, that’s different…” he commented, eyeing the snack warily. Kuroo didn’t have much of a sweet tooth and was constantly astounded by the amount of sweet things you consumed. You snickered at the bemused expression on his face.

“It’s not bad! Try some before you judge,” you teased, holding out your fork with a piece of fruit on the end.

“Eh, no thanks,” Kuroo replied, eyeing the mango distrustfully. You pouted at the rejection, but then grinned mischievously with a realization.

“Afraid you might get spiced out?” you taunted gleefully and his face grew into an indignant scowl. He watched as you placed the mango piece between your lips, holding it there to tease him.

“Tch, whatever, gimme one,” he pouted. You smiled, mango piece still between your lips, spearing a piece in your bowl and holding it out for him. Kuroo grabbed your wrist to steady your hand, but when he leaned in for a bite, he pressed past your fork, and captured your lips, mango and all. You felt his warm tongue slip in, tasting your mouth. A moan rumbled through your throat and electricity shot straight between your legs, as he deepened the kiss even more. He bit your bottom lip as one last tease, before separating from you. You watched in a daze as he chewed the mango piece thoughtfully. You didn’t miss the way he eyed your swollen bottom lip hungrily as he swallowed, Adam’s apple bobbing deliciously.

“Hm, not bad,” he smirked, admiring the glazed look in your eyes. Something about the way your face and ears bloomed pink made his chest swell with warmth. Quickly, Kuroo shot his arm out to snatch the bowl of fruit out of your lap. Your indignant cries were like music to his ears as you chased him around the apartment.

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

Kuroo looked up from his phone to hear the shower turn on, a grin growing on his face. When he made his way to the bedroom, he noticed your discarded panties and shirt on the floor and worked quickly to shed himself of his own clothes. When he leaned against the door of your shared bathroom, his eyes raked up your legs and backside through the glass partition as you soaped your hair.

“Hey stranger, mind if I join you?” he drawled admiring the curves of your arms and back. You turned around and smiled slyly.

“By all means, please do,” you laughed. Kuroo was too busy admiring the way the soapy water sluiced down your breasts and stomach to notice that the mirror was not fogged up and there was no steam rising from the water. The moment he stepped into the icy cold spay with you, he jumped and let out a loud curse, causing you to double over laughing.

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

When you walked out of the bedroom in his t-shirt, Kuroo was lying on the bed pouting into his phone. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw his shirt drag against your thigh as you climbed in next to him. You snuggled into his side, looking up to admire the sharpness of his jawline and the elegant tendons in his neck.

“Still mad at me, babe?” you smiled nuzzling your nose under his jaw. He made a noncommittal noise that you chuckled at while you nosed at his ear. His scent was stronger than usual, warmer because of the heat of the apartment. You sighed contentedly, letting the scent of musk, pine, and coffee fill your senses.

“I stink right now, babe,” he attempted, although his initial annoyance was starting to fade away with your proximity.

“You could have stayed in the shower with me,” you said, tracing absent pattens into the broad expanse of his chest, “It got lonely in there.”

When he gave you no reaction, you swung a bare leg across his hips to sit upright in his lap. You grabbed his phone out of his hand to toss it over your shoulder into the mess of sheets on your bed. Your boyfriend looked at you in mock annoyance, but you could tell a playful smirk threatened to break across his face.

Kuroo watched you, mesmerized, as you lifted his big hand and traced the callouses formed by years of weight training and volleyball. You pressed soft kisses into each finger before guiding his had down to the t-shirt covered swell of your chest. He sucked in a harsh breath as you arched your back to press your clothed breast into his open palm. His spare hand found its way to your thigh, gripping it tightly like a hot brand on your body. You kept guiding his hand south passed your abdomen to reach its final destination between your legs. When Kuroo’s fingertips felt you sans underwear dripping with eagerness, he let out a low, dizzying growl, wasting no time flipping you on your back.

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

Kuroo had you naked in his arms, languidly pumping his finger in and out of your cunt, enjoying the way you clutched desperately to his chest, little gasps and whines escaping your throat. You’d already climaxed twice and you were, now, well on your way to your third.

“Tetsu… please… mmh! I don’ think I can take anymore,” you whimpered, tears beginning to form in your eyes. He looked down at your face with a sly smile, marveling at your blush and they way your skin glowed from the heat. His eyes followed a lone bead of sweat, trailing down your neck to your collarbone.“You can do it, babe. Please? For me? I love seeing you come all over my fingers,” he cooed, pressing a kiss into the crook of your neck. His lips found damp skin, salty yet sweet, and he hummed when your scent filled his nose. It was ambrosial, like warmed peaches with cinnamon, and it drove him absolutely feral. With a crook of his fingers, he put more pressure on your sweet spot, the magic spot that made you scream with searing gratification into his chest. A few more strategic strokes, and you were coming undone, chanting his name over and over like a prayer.

“See, babe? You came so good for me,” he murmured, pressing his forehead into yours. The sweet smile you gave him in return vanquished any coherent thought, sending all his blood straight to his cock. Kuroo shifted his weight and in a flash he was in between your legs, pressing a searing kiss into your mouth, holding your legs wide open with large, calloused hands. He took his length in hand and teased your slit up and down with the tip of his weeping cock, making you moan eagerly into his mouth when tremors crawled up your spine at the overstimulation. When your legs were shaking with need, he pressed at your entrance, causing you to throw your head back, overwhelmed by his size and heat. He knew you were already well prepped and could take him completely, but he reveled in the way sweat beaded on your skin and how your thighs glistened with the evidence of your first three orgasms. He wondered, dangerously, how long you could last for him. Kuroo pumped his hips agonizingly slow, observing the way your abdomen flexed with each motion and how you clutched at the sheets under you.

“Oh, god,” you panted, vision whiting out at his ministrations. Kuroo let a cheshire grin break out on face and pressed a big hand on your lower abdomen.

“‘Tetsurou’s’ just fine, gorgeous,” he drawled before pulling back and bottoming out completely in your cunt. The combination of Kuroo’s deep penetration and the added pressure of his hand on your abdomen had you seeing stars with every thrust. Your fourth orgasm was steadily building and you watched, head swimming in ecstasy, the way Kuroo’s toned abs moved as he pumped his cock into you. His broad, muscular shoulders and chest, shone with exertion, beads of sweat running in rivulets down his athletic arms.

“Just one more, babe, I want to feel my gorgeous girl come on my cock,” he grunted as his thrusts grew more fierce. The feverish heat between your bodies, his words, and the kiss he burned into your lips pushed you over edge. You would have screamed if it weren’t for his lips muffling you.

When Kuroo felt you spasming around his cock, his hips stuttered clumsily, his own orgasm hitting him with full force. As he released his load into your sweet body, he fell forward into your chest, breathing raggedly, head spinning from the sheer brunt of pleasure. You both breathed heavily for a moment, taking in the heat of the summer night, your subsiding pants mingling in the heavy air. Kuroo felt your fingers card into his hair, stroking gently at his head like he was a big, sweaty puppy. He looked up to see your soft smile, sated and happy, and smirked back. The heat suddenly wasn’t so unbearable.

◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　Like, comment, and reblog!　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

If you feel so inclined, buy me a ko-fi (ko-fi.com/tienne). Love in any form is deeply appreciated!

Thank you for your support!（˶′◡‵˶）

[levisnackajack]

The Wrath of War

Chapter Sixteen

 Slamming her bedroom door shut, Eden huffed under her breath at the resounding bang that snapped behind her. She walked through the headquarters in irritation; making sure to steer clear from anyone she couldn’t deal with so early in the morning. 

The ever so energetic Sasha had woken her up; letting her know they were to get ready and go on another expedition beyond the walls. Apparently, there were more unusual Abnormal titan sightings alongside the exterior part of Wall Rose. 

Commander Erwin had instructed for Captain Levi and Hange’s squads to head to the area and assure that this wasn’t a ploy created by the traitors who’s identities still lay unbeknownst to them. Regardless, the Commander had sent Levi a detailed letter, assuring him that this expedition would suffice to humanity in more than one way and lead them a step closer to victory. 

Erwin’s letters would always state that fact; regardless of the amount of death and trauma his Regiment had seen. 

Eden quickly ate breakfast in the kitchen; unbothered and groggy. Her head pounded, reminding her how little sleep she had gotten the night before since she spent it twisting around in her covers- thinking about everything that weighed on her heart. 

Her boots crunched soundly against the pebbles spattered across the ground as she made her way to the stables not long after escaping the kitchen, unseen. Her fingers fiddled with the clasp of her green, Scout cloak as she secured it to her body. The charcoal-haired girl ignored the accompanying steps that cracked through the gravel behind her. 

After taking two long steps into the stable, her back crashed against the wall, heated lips pressing against hers gently. 

She returned the favor, her fingers interlinking with his before squeezing his palm lightly. His kisses would always be so gentle. Yet, every once in a while, he would slip up; growing more urgent. It was always something that intrigued Eden.

Jean let go of a low sigh that recoiled through her. “Do you accept my apology?” 

Eden chuckled lowly, standing on her tiptoes as she reached to grab him by the collar. His hands settled against her slender waist, pulling her flush against him.

“You haven’t even apologized yet.” 

Rolling his eyes, Jean pressed his forehead against hers, kissing the tip of her nose sweetly. His mouth then met hers tenderly, his tongue gliding against her bottom lip lazily. Eden’s teeth captured his tongue before sucking onto it teasingly. Her arms looped around his neck, a humored smirk lacing itself against Eden’s fatigued features. 

“I’m sorry about last night, Eden. I shouldn’t have gotten pissed at you for something that wasn’t your fault.” 

“Yeah, but I just don’t get why you didn’t come up to me and let me know what the issue was so we could resolve it. I still don’t know what happened...-” 

Jean hesitated, his fingertips stroking the side of her face before he kissed her temple softly. “Can’t you just let me apologize to you, woman?” She laughed under her breath, tipping her chin upwards before he kissed her swiftly. 

Her nose flared at the scent of spices and cologne in a way that made Eden feel incredibly comfortable and safe. She knew that whatever happened, Jean would always be by her side; supportive as ever and willing to go through thick and thin for her. 

Just as she would for him. 

“Kirstein, you’re not wearing your ODM gear. I suggest you get a move on because I don’t plan on prolonging this expedition just because you need help strapping your harness to your ass,” an irked voice barked from the entrance of the stables. 

Both Eden and Jean’s heads snapped to the entry-way and the girl pursed her lips as she lowered her head. Jean’s jaw clenched painfully tightly before his brown eyes flickered towards Eden’s downturned face. He let go of her hesitantly and by the way he walked past the Captain, Eden could safely assume he was infuriated. 

She fixed her saddle and tightened the reins on her horse before quietly making her way out of the stable. Although her eyes were promptly fixated on the ground, Eden could sense Levi’s presence still lingering around her. 

The air was hot and she felt irritated at herself when she began struggling to breath the closer she got to him. 

Suddenly, Levi grabbed her by the wrist, shaking her slightly as he furiously stared into her eyes. “What the hell is wrong with you, brat? We’re about to go on an expedition where someone could potentially lose their life and this is what your mind is focusing on?” He scoffed under his breath, crossing his arms against his chest.

Eden’s amber eyes widened slightly, heart stammering in her chest. “I-I’m sorry, what? What do you mean?” She balled her trembling, white knuckles into fists, hiding her hands behind her back; the reins leaving prints on the inside of her palm. 

“Don’t act stupid with me, you know what I’m talking about. And then you dare question why I decided to leave out of the previous mission,” Levi snapped at her sharply, iron eyes burning at the utterly perplexed girl. She moved her chin to the side, as though really taking the time to process his words. 

None of the answers her mind provided her with explained what he was referring to. Her relationships with other people- specifically Jean- had absolutely nothing to do with the Captain. Yet, standing before him in awe; no words landed on her tongue. 

Levi stiffened before shaking his head slightly. He lowered his head as though he were trying to recollect his thoughts. Combed, velvety raven hair toppled in front of his face and through the strands; Eden could see a sense of agitation carved onto his strained features.  

He suddenly looked up at her, lips parting slightly and pupils dilating as his hand reached for her neck. Eden stood cemented in her place, the air hitching in her throat as his fingertips grazed the bruises he had inflicted upon her. Her eyes widened comically, eyebrows arching as she searched his blank face for an explanation.

But, he never met her stare. 

His fingers gently prodded against the most vibrant bruise and Eden couldn’t rid herself of the fluttering notions within her gut. It made her knees weak and her stomach flipped. Her palms grew sweaty and her mouth went dry. Those feelings grew even more vivid once she caught sight of his stoic face relaxing ever so slightly.

His cold touch brought back memories of yet another heated interaction between them. Yesterday’s training had been impeccably intense; but as much as Eden felt incredibly hurt by Levi contusing her so horribly; she couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride at the fact that she had managed to catch him off guard and swing at him.  She knew her powers would never level his; yet she basked in the tiny victory their encounter had bestowed her with.

A cruelly ice-cold shiver ran its coarse along her back and she swatted his hand away, causing her heart squeezed uncomfortably. Levi finally met her stare, but did not say anything.

Eden bit her lip, bouncing on her heels in trepidation as she tried to formulate a singular, coherent response. “W-why do you care what I do in my free time?” 

Immediately, Levi’s brows furrowed. He looked very deep in thought as a scowl etched itself across his perfectly sculpted features. Looking away, that scowl transformed into an expression of distaste as a soft scoff slipped through his downturned lips. 

“I don’t fucking know,” he growled at her, jaw clenching imperceptibly tighter that what it was before. 

Eden watched as he walked away from her without even giving her the chance to respond.

Eden and Armin got assigned to Hange’s squad formation since her team was incomplete. It was like a slap in the face for the girl as certainty crept into her when she imagined how relieved Levi must have felt knowing he can place her under someone else’s direct command and keep her away from him.

Sending her blond  friend a wide smile, her own eyes remained blank as she reminisced the recent turn of events. She couldn’t quite put her finger around why his answer bothered her. 

Was it because it had left her yearning for more answers or because she just felt like he had pushed her into a bleak vortex of confusion? 

Regardless, the expedition had begun and Eden knew better than to dwell on her feelings when so much was at stake. 

 They headed in the abnormals’ direction and Eden began growing more nervous as the minutes ticked by. She felt confident in her fighting; but it was incredibly difficult for her to split herself from all her overwhelming thoughts. She was an incredibly emotional individual- meaning she struggled immensely when it came to separating herself from a situation that had struck her heart. And it felt worse knowing that out on the open fields where a titan could strike at any moment. Her anxiety surpassed the roof. 

Captain Levi had decided that since they were to oversee an affected, exterior part of Wall Rose; it was best for them to ride on the outside side; rather than travel from the inside and then climb up the wall with their ODM gear. That way, if there were any more phenomenal situations; they could deal with it there and then. 

Apart from the hooves scraping against the grass, it was quiet on titan territory. Hange twirled her flare-gun from the center of their diamond formation, as though she was bored with the circumstances. Eden pursed her lips and urged her horse to gallop faster. 

Thunderous footsteps clashed closer to them; catching everyone’s attention. Hange snapped her head in that direction, eyes widening hungrily as she shot out a black flare through the clear, blue sky. Eden could only assume that Levi and his team would continue towards the sighting, as it seemed purely pointless for them to retreat and jump into a fight. 

“Everyone get ready! Multiple abnormals ranking between 12 and 16 meters incoming from your left.” Hange yelled over the horses’ hooves, a wild spark glinting in her eyes. 

Eden watched as they mindlessly sprinted towards their squad; their movements bizarre and irritating to look at. She huffed under her breath and readied her swords. 

Once the humanoid creatures were in their perimeter; Hange gave the members on the outer positions in the formation the green light and Eden steadied herself on the saddle of her horse. She didn’t really have a plan in mind; so she just winged it. Which was perhaps not the best idea when she was knocking on Death’s door; but now was not the time to go over details. 

Squeezing the handles of her gear, the familiar sound of the iron wire slicing through the air echoed around her. She pushed herself off her horse; allowing the wire to guide her through the air before hooking herself against the wall. 

Counting the seconds under her breath, her hazel eyes never left the approaching titans’ disgusting faces. The scent of rotting flesh and bones hit her on the tenth second. Scrunching her nose, she began to count down. 

Hitting the third second, she pushed herself off the wall, pulling out her blades as her hooks clenched around the skin on the closest titan’s collarbone. The wire recoiled and pulled her towards it with such sheer speed, everything around her grew blurry. With a grunt, both blades sliced through its hardened skin effortlessly, the steam nearly blinding her. 

The titan toppled to the ground and in the last moment, Eden craned her neck back to appreciate the long cut that perfectly severed the titan from the inward part of its shoulder; all the way to the other side. A shriek pierced through the air. 

She let out a soft gasp as she watched one of her fellow comrades from Hange’s team become crushed to pulp inside a titan’s massive mouth. Eden watched in horror as another girl let out a bloodcurdling screech, reaching for the deceased man. Another titan swooped in and caught her mid-air; pulling her limbs apart as though she was just a rubber toy.

Swallowing thickly, she forced herself to focus on her path; choosing to disregard the way her blades trembled as she landed on another titan. She slashed its nape, blood spurting in her face, burning her skin. She spat the liquid that had fallen into her mouth in disgust and angled her hooks to grip the wall. 

Eden watched as Hange and Armin and a few others continued onwards towards the first team and her eyes grew wide at the sight of more titans emerging out of nowhere. Growing cautious, Eden decided it was best to preserve her gas reservoir as much as possible. 

The amount of approaching titans made her feel like using a limited amount of gas was the only choice that could possibly gain her another day. She reached the top of the wall and began sprinting forward, eyes calculating how far she would need to run in order to intercept her horse and jump down on its back. 

Her comrades looked so small as she looked over the edge of the wall. The sight made her dizzy. When she decided the time was right, Eden flung herself over the edge, using her ODM gear only when she wanted to slow herself down; a breath before she managed to slump onto her saddle. But, her horse whinnied at the earth-shattering footsteps of the nearby titans, throwing her off and sprinting away. 

Eden vaguely heard Armin screaming her name as she wheezed out, her lungs burning with adrenaline. She looked up to see a large palm reaching for her, wide, dead eyes peaking over her as it stared hungrily down at Eden. She backed up, fumbling to stand and pull her blades out. 

Another high-pitched yell reverberated through the open air. The approaching fingers toppled to the ground as the beast let out a deafening roar. Armin ran towards her, putting his bloodied swords away before grabbing her by the shoulders. 

“Are you okay, Eden?” He asked her as she pulled herself to her feet. 

“I’m fine, Armin, thank you for that,” she replied, goosebumps appearing against her skin at the sound of echoing cries and pleas for mercy emerged from their fallen comrades. “We need to go, it’s not safe out here. We should head to the rest of the team and figure out what the hell we’ll do when there isn’t a hungry-looking titan looming over us,” she yelled, pulling his sleeve as they ran towards the horses. 

Everything slowed down for her once a yellow flare shot through the air in the distance. 

Levi’s team. 

Eden’s heart faltered as her mind fluttered elsewhere, subconsciously slowing her running down. Armin turned around, face contorting in a horrified manner as he reached for Eden’s hand. There was a static sound that muffled all the noise in Eden’s ears; her lips parting as she felt thick fingers snake around her body. She watched Armin run back to her and she screeched for him to turn around and go. 

Tears streaked the ocean-eyed boys’ face as she was hoisted off the ground effortlessly, her fingers slipping away from his the higher she went. Eden thrashed and flailed before letting out a pained cry when the titan’s grip grew more solid. She felt as though someone had poured cement over her body; the pressure close to crushing her bones to dust. 

Blood spurted out of her mouth as her lungs begged for mercy and her limbs grew weaker. In that moment, she felt like there was nothing else she could do. She felt so utterly helpless and what pained her the most was the fact that she would probably never be able to say goodbye to her friends, to Jean. 

To Levi. 

Her life really did flash before her eyes as her eyesight grew foggy, the pressure of keeping her body awake became harder and harder as the seconds ticked by. She saw Armin, Eren and Mikasa’s baby faces; back when they used to play tag in Shiganshina. She watched Connie and Sasha daring her to balance a loaf of bread on her head after training. Jean’s face appeared with the silly, cocky smirk that made her swoon and slap his shoulder. 

Then, his face contorted into Levi. His cold, indifferent stare sent chills down her spine. 

How could someone so emotionless bring up so much commotion within her? 

But, she knew she didn’t have enough time to question it. Eden just focused on every single details of his face she had memorized as the pain seeped through her body, pulling her into a vortex of darkness and serenity. 

Tags: @idiot-juice-enthusiast   @hadassackerman                    

As always, the link to the full story in AO3 can be found here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28919136/chapters/70952145

[ssnakebytes]

Purple MallekxReader Ficlet

Mallek shifted his weight from foot to foot anxiety clawing at his stomach.  He stood just outside the entrance of clown church – the ‘woops’ echoing through the doorway reminding him, not for the first time, why he hated it here. 

Mallek let out a small curse and checked his palm husk again.  A message had come from Marvus the night prior requesting Mallek meet him here.  Mallek had agreed but questioned why.  Marvus’ response was nothing more than an ‘lol.’ 

Mallek couldn’t say he was shocked at how the conversation had ended, and this wasn’t the first time Marvus had asked to meet here.  It was neutral ground in Marvus’ mind.  Mallek had tried to explain why he disliked coming to this location but Marvus’ insistence that it was the safest place for them to have their serious talks always won out.  Mostly because Mallek was too nervous to push back and lose one of his only good friends. 

“Yoooo! Der he iz!  O shiz, wut up doe??”

Mallek rolled his eyes but couldn’t help the fond smile as he turned towards the familiar and rambunctious voice.  Mallek stopped when he took in the full view. 

Marvus was walking towards him, his usual stage wear discarded for a standard tank top and pants.  He still wore his many rings though.  These were not the things that distracted Mallek however. 

Mallek’s eyes raked over the person just beside Marvus and he felt his muscles tense up.  He’d heard of the alien but had never seen them, just blurry photos here and there.  He had been curious of course, every one was, but seeing them coming towards him caused a small panic to erupt with in Mallek. 

They were even smaller than he’d imagined.  Their skin color was something he’d never seen and when his eyes met there’s…his stomach dropped.  They had the most beautiful eyes he’d ever seen.  The color was so clear against the whites of their sclera and their smile was the most disarming thing Mallek had ever seen.  And it was directed right at him. 

Your smile widened and you waved enthusiastically at the tall clown you were approaching.  Marvus had shown you his photo once before and labeled him a friend and a safe person to go to in the event of an emergency.  You were excited to meet someone new and all but bounced up to him. 

You introduced yourself excitedly and held a hand out to shake.  Mallek stared down at you, his gold tooth just sticking out from his lip.  He said nothing as he looked you up and down.  You let out a nervous chuckle and lowered your hand, suddenly very self-conscious about the outfit Marvus had suggested for today. 

And that very outfit was what had Mallek’s attention so raptured.  You were wearing a short sleeved, short shorts jumpsuit in the same purple as Marvus’ jacket.  The same purple of Mallek’s eyes and blood.  You were wearing Mallek’s color and he couldn’t stop the feeling tugging at his blood pusher at the sight. 

“U gud, homie?”  Marvus asked, his voice cutting through the tension and bringing Mallek back to the actual moment. 

Mallek nodded and met Marvus’ eye, trying to keep from being distracted by the alien and their smile again.  “What did you want to talk about?” He asked. 

Marvus brought a hand to his chin and closed his eyes as though deep in thought, he let out a hum and tutted to himself.

Mallek rolled his eyes and bumped his shoulder with Marvus’.  The famous rapper was only a few inches shorter than Mallek and often bemoaned this fact when the two would start ribbing each other. 

“Can’t b remeberin rn” Marvus muttered, “But u met my lil alien buddy yet tho?”  Marvus asked very loudly, placing his hands on your shoulders and grinning at Mallek.  “Dey wild as fxxk!” He added just as loudly.  He sounded more like a proud lusus than a casual acquaintance. 

Mallek’s eyes followed the length of Marvus’ arms to the small alien between them.  He swallowed hard, his mouth going dry again as your eyes met and he found himself lost in their color, in the way they crinkled at the ends, the way your smile seemed more genuine and sincere than any he’d seen before. 

Mallek shook his head in response, unable to speak at the moment.  He felt like an ass and reached his hand out to shake this time, hoping he hadn’t completely offended you previously.

Your smile grew bigger as you eager took his hand.  Your fingers were slim against his and he noted the intense difference in temperature.  The warmth from your palm radiated all the way up his arm in an unfamiliar but pleasant way.  Mallek shivered feeling the softness of your skin against his tougher exterior. 

Marvus chuckled as he watched and pulled out his palm husk, ready to take a candid photo.  Before he could open the camera, the phone began to ring.  Marvus huffed and rolled his eyes at the caller ID.  “shiz…I gotta take dis call.”  He muttered.  “Go on ahead an we’ll meet up later.”  He muttered putting the phone to his ear and walking away.

Mallek opened his mouth to protest but Marvus was already walking away.  Mallek sighed and looked down at you, you still had his hand in yours.  You looked up and him and shrugged. 

“Sorry about that.” You said, sounding almost sheepish, “He does that a lot.”

Mallek sighed again.  “Don’t worry about it.” He muttered his mind consistently traveling back to the point of contact between you.  He wasn’t sure if he should pull away or if it would be weirder for him to keep holding your hand.  He found he may be enjoying the feeling a little too much.

A few moments passed and Mallek found his mind racing on what to talk about.  He didn’t want you walking away just yet, but couldn’t figure out what to say to keep you there.  To keep you looking at him. 

Before he could land on a subject however, the bells for the mass began to ring.  Mallek flinched at the sound.  That felt like a cue to him and as he was about to turn and leave, he froze when you spoke up.

“Sit with me?” You asked, gripping Mallek’s hand as other clowns moved past the two of you to enter the church.  Mallek swallowed hard, the warmth and pressures of your hand on his causing a small breakdown of coherent thought.  He’d never felt such soft skin in his life.

Mallek composed himself quickly though and grinned down at you.  “Eager, huh?  Sure, if you’re that desperate to be around me how can I say no?” He responded with a shrug of his shoulder. 

You returned his grin and tugged him along down the rows of seats.  Mallek’s attention was hyper fixated on you confidently leading him through the church.  Something that would be incredibly dangerous for any one of your warmer color.  He couldn’t stop his mind from going back to the feeling of your hand in his.  You’re so warm, and your quickness to keep him by you made his chest explode in an unfamiliar feeling of affection.

His ears perked as he heard the whispers around him of other purples who seemed torn between culling you on the spot and wanting to ‘get a taste’ first. 

Mallek scowled and realized why Marvus had made such a show of you coming in with him.  You’re only alive because you’ve got his protection. 

You chose a spot 3 rows from the front and let him have the aisle seat.  Mallek glanced behind him scowled when he saw how the trolls behind you were smirking.  One of them even started to lean towards you, hid lips curled back in a predatory grin.

Mallek moved before his mind registered what he was doing.  He quickly took his worn leather jacket off and placed it across your shoulders, the spikes acting as the perfect deterrent from the troll behind you.  Mallek smirked as the clown growled at him, his eyes glanced back down to you. 

You were smiling at him, soft and sweet, and slipped your arms through the sleeves.  It was comical how large it was on you and how it clashed with your disarming face.  Mallek was quick to look away, thankful for the paint that hid the blush exploding across his face.

He could hear the preacher for today coming up the aisles, greeting her usual attendees.  Mallek glanced back to see who it was.  He knew he’s seen this woman around before, but he would be lying if he said he knew her.  She was huge though, her shoulders and hair giving her the appearance of a formidable troll. 

As she approached her smiles went from somber to genuine.  She reached a hand out toward you and Mallek flinched, sudden fear gripping his chest as he looked to see what she could be doing so he could best counter it.

Mallek stopped when he saw she was simply patting your head; your smile matching hers in familiarity. 

“Glad to see you back again liTTle one.”  She said in an almost reverent tone.

“Glad to see you too Chahut!” You responded, taking her hand from your head and giving it a squeeze.  Mallek pursed his lips at the contact feeling as though the earlier hand holding you had done with him meant much less than he originally thought it had. 

Much to Mallek’s relief Chahut did not stay long and continued to make her way to the front.  He slid down in his seat feeling a little chillier with out his jacket and ready for this to be over.  He still wasn’t sure what Marvus had wanted to talk to him about.  Mallek’s thoughts were interrupted when he heard your quiet voice beside him.

“They don’t hurt them when I come.” You whispered, your eyes darting to the far side of the church before facing forward again where Chahut begins to preach.  Mallek glances down at you and then along the far wall where multiple low-bloods were chained and whimpering. 

Mallek’s bile sack flipped and he felt a bitter hatred prickling at his mind at the thought of those trolls being held against their will because of the other clown’s ideas of jokes. 

“They also usually let them go when I ask.” You continued, tucking a strand of hair behind your – in Mallek’s opinion - oddly rounded ear.  “But I have to stay for the whole sermon and answer the questions about it correctly.” 

Mallek’s eyes narrowed as he looks up at Chahut as well, she seemed enraptured by her own words and the irony of it all did not escape this Mallek’s notice.  The mercy being put in the hands of an outsider but only if they can prove they can conform enough.  A small growl escaped Mallek, but was cut short when he felt your small, warm hand rest on his arm. 

“It’s alright.” You start, your eyes never leaving the front.  “I know what I’m doing.  Marvus always has me study before so I’ll be able to actually do it.”  You paused then and look at Mallek, your smile still in place.  “Aaand I wear things that show off my legs because for some reason every one seems to like them.” You muttered, kicking out your bare legs a few times.  Mallek’s eyes followed the length and curve of them, having no trouble understanding why others would also be entranced by them.

There were several minutes of silence before you spoke again.  “At the end, I’ll state the low bloods deserve to be set free, they aren’t ready to be received by the mirthful messiahs.” You paused and glanced at him to ensure he’s listening. 

Mallek’s eyes catch yours and you continue, “Chahut will ask what I am willing to do.  I’ll say put my life in for theirs and prove that a low blood can accept the messiahs.  She’ll tell me if I don’t, I’ll be culled.  Every one will go nuts.  She’ll ask me questions.  I’ll answer them all correct.  The low bloods will be let go and there will be some very angry clowns.  Marvus swoops in and pronounces a deal is a deal and offer to host a celebration so the others can let off their steam.  It will be accepted and we will leave.”  You stopped again and actually turned towards him and away from Chahut. 

“Do you understand?” You asked, your voice only a whisper to keep from upsetting others around you.

Mallek looked at you, his face didn’t easily host whatever emotion he was feeling and instead of responding he gave one, curt, nod.  You let out a small relieved sigh and smile at him, turning your attention back to the front. 

You had been concerned at first, telling the plan to anyone else.  Marvus had assured you Mallek would be safe to tell however, and that it may be necessary to do so to keep him from doing anything drastic of his own.  You swallowed hard and looked at the trolls whose lives would depend on you.  It was almost time now. 

Mallek chewed his inner cheek as he mulled over what you had told him.  He didn’t like it.  The idea of it was insane and despite your confidence you were more likely to be torn to shreds on the alter than listened to.  His claws began to fidget with the brass knuckles he wore, the spikes were not out yet. He glanced around to take in how many clowns were present and how many he’d be able to actually take any on to keep you from being hurt.

He paused in his thoughts and tried to determine where this need to protect was coming from.  He looked back at you and followed your line of sight to the terrified trolls chained to the wall.  A feeling of understanding washed over him.  He couldn’t verbalize it, or even think of a coherent way to describe it.  But in that moment, he understood.  But by Messiahs was he terrified. 

Mallek’s attention came back to, when your hand laid over his, the clinking of his rings against the weapon suddenly alarmingly loud to him.  He paused the movement and allowed his cool skin to absorb your warmth.  His eyes stole another look at your face and for a moment he felt he would never want to look at anything else.

And before he knew it you were standing.  Your voice echoed through the walls and Chahut’s eyes narrowed.  Mallek could hear the words of you and the clowns around him but couldn’t make any of it out.  His hearing seemed to be filled with only the sound of his own heartbeat.  It was all going exactly as you said it would.  And when you walked past him, still in his jacket to stand at the front, he thought he would burst from fear. 

Chucklevoodoos filled the air making it thick and repressive.  The chained trolls seemed to grow more fearful, their wails caming out louder.  The incense itself even seemed to become impenetrable and for a moment Mallek felt as though he couldn’t breathe. 

A large hand tapped his shoulder and brought him back.  Marvus moved his head towards you and Mallek understood he was meant to follow.  He stood then; his legs wobbly from his muscles being so tense. 

Chahut was standing directly above you, your frame looked like a wriggler’s next to her.  As Mallek approached – the few feet distant seeming endless – he could see the steal in your eyes.  There was such a resolve in your posture and for the first time in his life Mallek understood reverence.  Were he not on a mission right now he may have even fallen to his knees in prayer. 

Chahut backed up once Marvus took his spot on the alter, he addressed her and the rest of the church.  He pronounced that a deal is a deal and rules need to be followed.  He gestured to Rapsta Slamzy who looked off put but did as he was told and unlocked the shackles.  The trolls who had been imprisoned stood in shock seemingly unable to move. 

Marvus shouted at them and with their wits about them again they ran.  They all ran as hard and fast as they could.  Mallek could barely register what Marvus was saying next as you came and stood beside him.   

“Are you ok?” You asked looking up at Mallek, you’d glanced at him a couple times during the event and even from your distance could see how hard his jaw was clenched.  You wondered if maybe you made a mistake by asking Marvus to invite him to this. 

Mallek gave you an incredulous look.  “Am I ok?” He asked, sounding almost offended.  “Are you ok?” He continued his expression contorting into one of distress. 

You couldn’t help but grin.  He had been worried about you.  “I’m alright.” You told him, taking his hand again and tugging on it slightly, motioning for him to come closer with your other hand

Mallek appeared uncertain but did lean closer.  You grin and move so you could whisper into his ear, “It was rigged from the start.” You whisper, your lips just brushing against the skin of his ear. 

Mallek shivered, feeling his heart rate pick up at the contact, he almost missed what you had told him.  When it came together in his mind, he turned to look at you.  He opened his mouth to reprimand you for being so reckless but was unable to as Marvus literally swooped in and took you from him.

Mallek pouted as he watched the other purple blood ‘woop’ and spin you around.  Your laugh filled Mallek’s ears and his chest grew tight with a sick feeling of jealousy. 

Marvus announced again the location of the celebration and didn’t put you down the entire way there.  Mallek followed as far behind as he could, hands in his pockets as he chastised himself for being upset when he had no right to.  He had no claim to you and Marvus had obviously known you much longer.  Mallek groaned, emotions were hard.

Upon arrival Mallek continued to keep his distance.  He leaned against the wall, watching as you laughed with a few of the Marvus’ friends.  One Rapsta was close by and Mallek felt a small bought of relief as he watched the other rapper keep the clowns at arm’s length from you. 

Mallek had considered leaving a number of times already but hadn’t yet talked to you since the church.  He didn’t want to go with out saying something but was at a loss for how to approach you.  And if there was even point.

Mallek glanced over at Marvus who joined him, a newly opened Faygo in hand.  Mallek’s nose wrinkled at the smell and his eyes were drawn back to where you are seated.

“So…wutchya think?” Marvus asks, offering Mallek the Faygo bottle.

“What do I think about what?” Mallek responded, holding up a hand in refusal of the drink

Marvus shrugged and took a sip.  His grin turned sharp before he spoke again.  “Bout deh alien, dawg.”

Mallek finally looked away from you and his eyes narrowed at Marvus.  “Why?” He demanded.

Marvus chuckled and puts his hands up in surrender, nearly spilling Faygo as he did so.  “A’ght, a’ght, u got me.  Gotta favor 2 mo fxxkin axe u.”

Mallek groaned and rolled his eyes.  Favors from Marvus were usually not great, pretty out there, and tended to end up with some form of bodily injury.  But also, Mallek knew they were redeemable and that the power Marvus held could get him closer to his goals of getting a revolution moving.  Mallek still wasn’t sure if Marvus had caught on to his technically heretical leanings.  He wasn’t even fully sure if Marvus was against or for it.  The guy’s an enigma and all but impossible to figure out. 

He’s also a good friend and has come in the clutch for Mallek in the past.  With a sigh Mallek nods.  “What do you want.”

Marvus’ grin takes over his face.  “Dope, knew a brutha wuld cum thru!” Marvus let out a little laugh and took another long sip from his drink.  “A’ight so, Imma be goin on tour real soon.  Big show, lotsa juggz finna lose dey mindz, BUT itz all sea shores all slimey mferz wut b reddy to cull my lil buddy in a nasty way.” 

Marvus paused then and pointed at you.  “I ain’t takin my new diamond sumwhere I can’t be keepin ‘em safe, dig?  Need a brotha dat can look out for ‘em while I’m getting dat cas$$shmunny.”

Mallek noded along, his head buzzing at the diamond comment, a small part of him sunk knowing you’ve already got someone in a quadrant, which means you’ve probably got others filled as well.  He wouldn’t be surprised.  He looked back at you, where you were still smiling.  He would swear he could almost feel the warmth radiating from here.  It made him want to curl up and sleep against you.  Mallek turned from you back to Marvus. 

“So why me?”  Mallek asked, some concern for that answer bubbling in his chest.

“Cuz ur who dey wanted.” Marvus responded, nodding to you again. “Well sorda, I figured it out.  Wuz showin ‘em pics of homies to trust, didn’t want dem getting in 2 trouble w/ no ideaz who dey culd go to.  Den,” Marvus paused here and chuckled, “Den dey saw ur pic on my plam husk an it wuz ova.” 

Mallek stared at Marvus for a moment.  Sometimes even he couldn’t gather what the famous clown was saying.  “Continue.” Mallek pressed after a moment of silence.

Marvus pouted. “Aw, dang u ain’t pikin up wut I’m layin down here, cuz?  Shizzzz.  A’ight so, I been w/ buddy for a while and lemme tell u, I ain’t never seen dat face go so hot so fast.  Dey even let out dis little gasp, wuz cute as hell. And dey didn’t axe bout any1 but u.  An I b knowin ‘em gud enuff by now 2 know dey waz vibin off a brotha.  Figured dey be more down to clown witch u den any other jugga bro or sis, even dough dey alredy b knowin sum.”  Marvus paused here and took in Mallek’s slack expression.  “Getting’ it now, bro?”

Mallek didn’t respond for a moment and looked back, finally catching your eye.  You grinned wider and waved at him for a moment before motioning for him to come over.  Mallek swallowed, his throat suddenly very dry.  “They wanted to hang out with me?” He asked, bewildered.

Marvus let out a loud laugh, the honking sound bouncing off the walls and triggering a cacophony of other clown’s laughs and honks all around them.  He wiped a non-existent tear and nods.  “Ye bro, I think my lil diman iz all kindz a hot n’ botherd by u.  An dey do b lookin p fresh in our color don’t dey?” Marvus’ tone deepens towards the end, the insinuation hanging heavily in the air. 

Marvus took the lack of response as a cue to continue.  “Thought u’d think so, dats y I put em in dat cute lil outfit, and den you went and covered it up witch yo big ole jacket.  Can’t blame a brother tho, I’d b wantin to put my sign on ‘em 2.”

Marvus’ tone was close to dangerous and Mallek could feel his body heating up from the implication.  Mallek’s mind was racing.  You were already into him, had been before meeting him.  You’re moirail was giving him the go ahead.  He let out a shaky breath and nodded.

“Yeah, yeah I can help keep them safe.” Mallek all but whispered.

Marvus let out a triumphant ‘woop’ before slapping Mallek on the back.  “Thanks bro, b owin’ u 1.  But b careful wit ‘em, they’re feistier dan dey seem.” He warned with a wink before shoving Mallek towards you.

Mallek stumbled only slightly before straightening and taking another steadying breath.  He was going to keep you safe, he had to.  He moved towards you and when you reached for him, he felt his legs almost turn to jelly. 

“There you are!  What were you two talking about over there?” You asked, suspicion heavy in your voice, but your face unable to make a faux serious expression. 

Mallek chuckled and took your hand in his.  “About how good you look in my jacket, and how you’re going to pay me back for it.” He teased, his confidence returning as you laced your fingers with his.

You pouted up at him and let out a dramatic sigh.  “But Io, I have no money!  How will I ever be able to return the favor?” You threw your free hand over your eyes and turned away, a giggle already bubbling up your throat.

You heard Mallek let out a hum and turned back to him. He was smirking now and leaned in a little closer.  “I think we can find, some form of repayment.” He responded, his tone low and seductive.

Your eyes met his and your own grin turned into something more flirtatious. “I’m willing to do anything to make this right.” You told him, angling your face upwards and leaning towards him, your neck exposed and the jumpsuit slipping just a little down your shoulder (just like you’d practiced earlier in the bathroom).

To your joy you watched as Mallek’s eyes followed along the exposed skin.  His eyes met yours again and it felt like you could melt from the look he was giving you. 

“I’ve already got a couple ideas.” Mallek promised, moving even closer so your bodies were nearly touching.  As you felt your breath leave you the sounds of the party around you faded away, your attention was solely on the large man beside you and you wouldn’t want it any other way.

Marvus chuckled as he watched the two of you, feeling a sense of security in his choice.  You’d be safe while he was gone and – hopefully – finally get laid.  He raised his empty Faygo towards you from the wall as you both shared a look before your attention was turned back fully to Mallek.  Marvus shook his head and moved from the wall to return to his party.

-submitted by @popcorn-kitten

________________________________________

Yo this is so amazing!!! Thank you for writing this and submitting it ;w; I love it so much and it just improved my day by 10000%. I love how you write purple Mal, your characterization of him is awesome!! I’m gonna re-read this like a billion times, I’m serious ;w;

-Ziggy

[overthinkingkdrama]

Jona’s 5 Worst Dramas of 2019

A couple words about this list. I’m making this for fun. If a drama you love ended up on this list, it doesn’t mean that I hate you or I think you’re stupid or have terrible taste. But these are dramas that inspired strong negative reactions in me for one reason or another, whether that be disappointment, rage or disgust.

I’ve only included dramas that finished airing in 2019 in my selection process. If you have some dramas that hated, feel free to share them in the replies or send me an ask. It’s fun to complain about things for some reason.

Also, I have included major SPOILERS in a couple of these. So read at your own peril.

Dishonorable Mention: Melting Me Softly

I sincerely tried to limit myself to only dramas that I--for whatever misguided reasons--finished in their entirety for this list. Mainly because I don’t think it’s fair to brand something as the “worst” of anything without actually giving the thing a fair shake. That’s the only reason Melting Me Softly isn’t higher on this list. But I felt that it wasn’t right to leave it off entirely, if for no other reason then out of respect for the fallen Ji Chang Wook stans out there who lost their lives trying to make it through this trash fire. Somebody needs to stand up for those brave soldiers, out their gifing trash dramas while people like me are safe and sound on our couches, watching the tag like it’s a train wreck.

I made it through only two episodes of this drama, and despite my goodwill toward the majority of the cast, they were two of the most bafflingly bad hours of television that I forced myself to sit through this year. From what I could tell while side-eyeing the drama on tumblr and twitter it didn’t improve much over the course of the run. There were a couple steamy kisses that I enjoyed in clip form, but I don’t think it would have been worth the brain cells lost to sit through any more than that.

Bottom Line: Painfully unfunny, overwhelmingly expositional with no character development, confusing pacing and sloppy editing. Two episodes was two too many.

5. When the Devil Calls Your Name

It pains me to put this on the list because it was just last year that a Jung Kyung Ho, Park Sung Woong collaboration (Life on Mars) ended up in my top 5. And giving credit where it’s due, the two male leads seem to have a great deal of fun working together and I believe that all the actors gave this drama everything they could and sincerely tried to make it work. That’s one of the things I like about Jung Kyung Ho, he picks unique, risky projects that either pay off in a big way or fall flat on their faces (like the amateurishly written and edited Missing 9) Unfortunately, this script just too messy and too bizarre to work. Ha Rip as has a deeply frustrating character arc. He’s such a self-centered jerk for the vast majority of the drama, which is fine for a Faust type story if it’s written with conviction, but every time you think he’s started to turn a corner or grown as a person he reverts back to his old ways. The writing and tone are whiplash inducing. Plus the vague “soul mates” relationship between Ha Rip and Kim Yi Kyung seemed to want to have it both ways, flipping between implied romantic potential and a father/daughter dynamic, which made me quite uncomfortable.

Bottom Line: This drama’s bizarre mythology and world building barely makes any sense at all, but at least they’re easier to follow than the character development. Attempted something unique, but couldn’t pull it off. The OST is super dope though.

4. Love in Sadness

When I watched the first teasers I got the distinct impression that this wasn’t going to be a good drama, or at best it was going to be a guilty pleasure, but at the time when I started it I was hungry for a melo and there wasn’t much airing to hold my attention so I started it on impulse. I think in this case I got what I deserved for continuing to watch something I didn’t think was very good.

The first few episodes were actually pretty gripping and intriguingly dark, but that petered of quickly and the drama became and infuriating wheel spinning exercise with barely any perceptible plot development from episode to episode. The protagonists in this are all so stupid that in the final few episodes the female lead gets kidnapped not once, but multiple times because she keeps meeting her unstable husband alone. Plus nobody in this drama seems to know how to call the police when a madman is waving around a gun. It probably wouldn’t have made me so very mad except that in the last few episodes the writer became unaccountably preoccupied with how sad the psychotic, wife-beating husband’s family life was and how lonely and pathetic his life was when he wasn’t allowed to stalk, assault, and psychologically terrorize his wife. Seriously, in the last leg of the drama the villain is the only character who gets any character development at all. The drama pulls out all the stops to try to make use feel sorry for him. It’s disgusting.

Bottom Line: When a drama about a woman trying to escape domestic violence becomes completely preoccupied with painting the abuser as tragically misunderstood, you’ve got some serious problems.

3. The Lies Within

If it wasn't for the last two episodes this drama would not be on this list, but that isn't because it was in any way an exceptional drama, or that it otherwise would have ended up on my best list. Without the last two episodes The Lies Within is a merely adequate thriller, somewhat heightened by the brutal nature of the premise. I picked this show up largely to fill the void that was left by WATCHER and it was more or less successful, plus it helped that I liked the cast. However even at the beginning this drama I felt like it had some pretty glaring tone problems. There were parts of the drama that were standard OCN dark and gritty thriller, and there were other parts that felt like a campy police sitcom. The humor, when it does crop up in this drama always feels super out of place. But then that last big twist happened and man...I can't remember the last time a drama made me that angry or cratered quite so hard with a twist.

[And this is where I spoil the HELL out of this drama...]

Before this drama decided to go all M. Night Shyamalan in it’s last two episodes, there seemed to be at least one, if not two really reasonable candidates for the kidnapper. Actually all the ground work they’d done up to that point would seem to have pointed to Young Min and if he had turned out to be the perpetrator, I would have completely bought it. Instead they decided to blow everyone’s mind by making the kidnapped husband complicit in his own kidnapping and dismemberment. Which might seem like a shocking twist until you think about it for even half a second.

What it winds up doing on a narrative level it makes everything the characters have done to investigate this series of crimes up to this point feel pointless, resulting in a huge anticlimax. It makes the ambiguous figure of Seo Hui’s husband not only hopelessly stupid, but also cruel and unsympathetic. Because he thought somehow simply sharing the information with her would put her in more danger than threatening and psychologically terrorizing her into investigating the very people he was theoretically trying to protect her from. The explanation that he was already terminally ill doesn’t to anything to mitigate the stupidity of his plan for me. Seriously, you couldn’t think of any solution aside from cutting bits off yourself and sending them to your wife in the mail? I could rant about this ending at length, but I’m going to try to stop here.

Bottom Line: As far as I’m concerned, if you choose to sacrifice the emotional and narrative coherence of your story for a cheap and dirty twist to surprise the audience, you deserve every ranty review you get.

2. Love Affairs in the Afternoon

I’m really not sure what possessed me to watch this drama to begin with. That I continued to watch it is on me. The fact that I watched it despite hating the shallow characters, the thin story and the abortive message at the core of the drama is simply a lapse of judgement for which I shouldn’t be forgiven. Why did I do it despite not having a single nice thing to say about this show? Well, there are two reasons. I was curious to see if they would do anything compelling with one or two of the characters, (specifically the serial adulteress housewife an the broody artist) and I was surreptitiously watching this drama at work and it was really easy to follow the plot while only actually keeping my eyes on the screen about half the time. I watched the last episode before the subs were available and had no trouble understanding what was going. Which could be a sign that my Korean is improving, but is more likely a sign that the writing was so predictable and simplistic that you could follow it if you didn’t speak the language at all.

[Spoilers beyond this point.]

It’s my understanding that in the Jdrama that this is based on all of the characters basically wreck their lives and end up miserable, pointing toward the emptiness of the lives of these people who try to find fulfillment through extra-marital affairs. If that’s how this drama had ended, I still wouldn’t have enjoyed the execution but I could have respected the intent. But in this watered down Kdrama-fied version all the couples’ issues are resolved in the whitewash of a last episode time skip that makes the suffering and bullshit that led up to it feel completely pointless.

Bottom Line: Maybe this level of trashy, uninspired tripe would be somewhat justified if the chemistry between the leads had been better, but somehow they even managed to screw that up. The leads are just bad, vacuous people, a fact which is rendered all the more unforgivable by them being utterly bland. Everybody needed to divorce, nobody deserved to end up happy. Please be wiser than me and avoid this one.

1. Memories of the Alhambra

Initially, I was on the fence about even producing a “Worst List” this year, because in the past few years I’ve tried to be better about dropping dramas the moment they start to disappoint me, rather than hanging on to them and winding up burning myself out. I wasn’t sure if I’d have enough material to write this list, or at least not enough material to make it worth reading. Then I remembered that Memories of the Alhambra finished airing in January of this year (2019 was impossibly long, wasn’t it?) and I thought, “Aha, I can make this work.” I knew at once this drama was going to be the shitty tinfoil star atop my Christmas tree of suck.

I’ve already written a full review of this drama, where I got about as mean as I felt I could reasonably be. You can go read that if you like, I’m not going to retread all my many complaints here. What I will say is that Memories of the Alhambra took my mixed-to-favorable opinion of the writer, Song Jae Jung, and turned it to a negative one. She’s someone who clearly has a lot of interesting high concept ideas, but the execution is just not there. You can hook an audience with a concept, but you have to keep them with craft and structure. 

Maybe the industry can be blamed for that. Maybe she just has a hard time ending her stories, or maybe writing on a deadline doesn’t agree with her. Whatever the reason, I can no longer trust her to deliver a satisfying story. And that’s deeply saddening to me, because Queen In Hyun’s Man is in my top 10 favorite dramas.

To be front-to-back terrible is one thing. The joke’s at least half on me for bothering. But to have potential, to have an interesting hook, a budget, a cast, but then to be either unwilling or unable to live up to that potential feels like a con. That’s how I felt about his drama, like I had been willfully deceived by special effects and flashy editing, all orchestrated to disguise a narratively bankrupt, unsatisfying drama.

Bottom Line:  Is Memories of the Alhambra objectively the worst drama on this list? No, it’s not. Is it the most disappointing? Absolutely, it is. And that’s the more heinous crime, in my opinion.  And that’s why it’s my worst drama of 2019.

[voltage-obsessed-writer]

A simple plan

Partheno x MC (smut) requested by @otome-addict

You smirked as you made your way down the mansion hallway. He’s gonna love this, you thought. You were going to surprise Partheno by wearing some black lacy lingerie with a matching garter and belt underneath your coat. You had your hair flipped to the side, showing the neck that Partheno loved so much and your makeup was more seductive than usual(red lipstick n stuff like that). On your way you ran into Tauxolouve and Aigonorus; who were on their way to the lounge.

“Hi little lady, what brings you here?” While speaking his eyes trailed down to your exposed legs and the red stilettos you were wearing.

“Hey Lou, I’m just here to see Partheno. Is he in his room?” He just responded with a nod and a smirk. You smiled and shot him a wink before leaving knowing he knew your plans. Aigonorus looked over to Tauxolouve confused, but Tauxolouve just walking off mumbling about Partheno being a lucky guy.

Making it to his door you knocked multiple times before opening the door. “Partheno it’s me....” you trailed off as you scanned the room for him. He was at his desk engrossed in some paperwork. You stood behind him mesmerised by his beauty. He truly was the most beautiful god in the heavens. And he was ALL yours. You smirked as you went up behind him and hugged him, trying your best at a sultry voice you spoke, “Hey baby, I missed you~~” you finished it off by kissing his ear then neck.

He turned round looking shocked, “Hmm what brings you here MC” he looked at you puzzled.

You backed away “Oh I just felt like visiting...” as you spoke you slowly undid the belt on your coat, letting it slip off to reveal your attire. His eyes widened as his jaw dropped. His reaction gave you a boost of confidence as you got on his lap straddling him. “Am I not allowed to visit?” You whispered into his ear before biting it. Partheno bit his lips while his eyes traveled down your body.

“You know that’s not the case babe”

You pulled back slightly raising one of your brows, “Oh reallyy, then what is the case” You were both leaning towards each other as you spoke. Before he could answer you roughly pressed your lips to his. You both fought equally for dominance, but you eventually buckled under Partheno’s intensity. His tongue impatiently parted your lips and entered your mouth causing you to let out a deep moan. You were both passionate lovers, but this was something else. Partheno’s hands shifted down and gripped your thighs hard to make sure you didn’t fall as he quickly pushed you onto the desk. While his left hand was grasping your breast through your bra, he started to grind his crotch onto yours. The initial plan was to dominate and seduce him, but the glazed over look in his eyes made you immediately surrender to him. While he was unclasping your bra you tried to take his clothes off as quickly as you could. Being too far gone to care you roughly ripped his shirt off; making some buttons fly off in different directions. As you both pulled away from the kiss panting Partheno slid his hand down to your underwear and started to pull them down; with you helping by lifting yourself up. Now left bare in-front of him you suddenly felt quite self conscious and closed your legs.

“Uh uhh none of that now, you’ve turned me on too much” he shook his finger back and forth as he spoke, as if telling you off. Whilst your lips rejoined he unbuckled his belt and slid down his pants and boxers. Shuffling and taking a minute to compose yourself you looked down and gulped at his size; you’d never get used to it no matter how much you both had sex. You both looked at each other with pure lust as he asked if you were ready. One eager nod was all he needed to thrust fully into you; being too far gone for the usual foreplay. You let out a loud scream as his cock stretched your walls pleasantly. He pulled nearly all the way out just to go straight back in with even more force. His lips covered yours again drowning out your loud moans. You wrapped your arms around his neck, one of your hand intertwining with his hair to pull it. He grunted at your action as he quickened his pace.

“Nggg ah h-harder” you moan softly into his ear.

Smirking at your request he grabs your thighs and starts pounding into you at a different angle; hitting all the spots you wanted him too. Still wanting more you lock your legs around his waist pulling him closer to you. Partheno releasing this position isn't satisfying you enough he hastily lifts you up and shoves you against his door. The cold surface felt pleasant against your hot back. He started thrusting into you deeper and quicker.

“Ahhh yes hngg more!!” you could feel your walls twitch around him as your release approached. Complying with your request he angled his dick deeper and bit down onto your shoulder. Your head fell back as you screamed out his name in pure bliss. Clamping down onto him you rocked your hips riding out your orgasm. Partheno continued thrusting before releasing his seed into you. You both looked at each other panting and smiled.

“God what did I ever do to deserve you?” He asked while kissing your temple.

“The same could be said for you mister” you retorted while wrapping your arms around him, to pull him into a tight hug. He slowly pulled out, making sure to hold you so you didn’t fall. Once your feet touched the floor you almost fell due to your legs feeling weak.

“Heh guess I was a bit too rough” he laughed while helping steady you.

“Y’know that’s the way I like it though” shooting him a wink while he picked you up bridal style. Placing you gently upon the bed he slipped down next to you and hugged you from behind. Being wrapped in his warm embrace instantly helped you relax, while also making you drowsy. You turned to him and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “I love you”.

Your smile warmed his soul, “I love you too” he cuddled you more pressing kisses into your neck and hair. The roughness had taken a toll on your body as you fell into a deep sleep; thoughts filled with Partheno.

~*Bonus Scene*~

You awoke a couple hours after your little rendezvous with Partheno feeling pleasantly sore. You shifted over to see where Partheno was. Huh? He’s gone. You sat up straight.

“P-partheno” your voice cracked and sounded very hoarse. You decided to go downstairs to see if he’s there; while also getting a glass of water.

“Shit” you mumbled out loud when you realised you didn’t have any spare clothes. You briefly scanned the room and spotted Partheno’s white shirt. That’ll do. Putting it on over your underwear you decided against putting your coat on as it was too hot. Looking at yourself in the mirror you noted: your hair was a mess, lipstick smeared, hickey very visible and his shirt wasn’t as baggy as you hoped so most of your legs were exposed. Eh fuck it. The gods were probably in the heavens anyway, it is late after all.

You crept through the corridor trying to be as quiet as possible, being caught in this state would be humiliating. Whilst sneaking you heard the door to Scorpio’s room open slightly, so you quickly hid behind the curtains. You only moved out when his loud stomps had disappeared as he made his way down the hall. Breathing a sigh of relief you continued your mini quest for water. Luckily you never encountered anyone else on your way to the kitchen. While you happily gulped down some water, you were oblivious to Ichthys standing a few metres away in the shadows. He smirked at your attire while a mischievous plan popped into his head. Ichthys snapped his fingers transporting you to the living room where some of the gods were relaxing. You opened your eyes after finishing your drink to see that you were now suddenly in the living room. Dropping your glass at the sound of someone spitting out their drink you turn around eyes wide. You saw 6 gods sitting there: Aigonorus asleep on the couch, Scorpio blushing beet red next to him, Leon leisurely relaxing on the chaise lounge, Dui who had spat out his tea, Karno looking shocked holding a book and finally Partheno sitting on the couch now smirking at you. Luckily Huedhaut wasn’t there, that would have been awkward. You were honestly too confused to be embarrassed, that was until Leon opened his mouth.

“Oh-Ho are you trying to seduce us all goldfish ??” He sat up crossing his legs(like that one cg). The situation finally clicked in your mind as you blushed and tried to no avail to cover yourself. You were too embarrassed to come up with a coherent sentence as you kept sputtering out random nonsense.

“What the hell woman!!! The frick you doin’ poppin’ in here wearing that!!” Scorpio wasn’t looking at you while he spoke. If you could dig a hole to crawl into you gladly would at this point. Why the hell am I here?!? Was all you could think.

“I Err I’m s-sorry” you squeaked out before looking over at Partheno pleadingly. Him seeming to enjoy this, so he didn’t do anything to stop them. Oh he was definitely gonna pay, but later cause right now you wanted to die. You awkwardly pulled at the hem of Partheno’s shirt, but you accidentally pulled it down too much revealing some cleavage and parts of your lingerie. Not releasing until it was too late. Leon started wolf whistling while saying cringey pick up lines. You looked down even more embarrassed as tears glazed your eyes. This finally made Partheno snap as he stood protectively in front of you.

“Oi leave her alone would ya” he angrily spoke while snapping his fingers to take you both back to his room. “What were you doing downstairs??” He pulled you into a hug to ease your nerves.

“I just went to get water and then puff I was in the living room” before you even finished the sentence you already knew who did it and judging by Partheno’s gaze he did too. Ichthys.

“I’m gonna kill him” he didn’t seem mad more like he was jealous that everyone saw you in this state. You were his after all. Now that you weren’t embarrassed you felt it was necessary to ease your boy’s jealousy.

Leaning up you whispered into his ear, “Before you do that how about me and you go for round two~~” he looked back at you eyes darkening in lust. Oh it was gonna be a looooong night.

[subconwell]

Title: Insufferable Relationship: Snatcher/The Conductor Description:  Due to a mishap on set (and a spur of the moment contract), the Conductor finds himself working alongside Snatcher. There's more common ground than they expected, which only makes their budding relationship more terrifying than it should be. Word Count: 2,786

My first Snatchductor fanfiction, with multiple chapters to boot! If you enjoy it, please feel free to leave a comment and kudos here on its AO3 page!

I’m going to also put it up on my blog for people that prefer to read fics that way.

Chapter One: Bargain Bin Deal

It was, by all accounts, a stunt gone wrong.

The Conductor, by nature, is overly ambitious. When that’s paired with his tendency to be stubborn, that’s just a disaster waiting to happen. He strives for every movie to be bigger and better, especially as far as the Bird Movie Awards are concerned. Sure, he may find ways to rig the system, and yes, he hasn’t been known to play fair. This year would be different. The entire incident with the small hat child only reignited his desire to win through his stunts, his ideas, and most of all, his bloody train.

Of course, that’d be more helpful if there was a bloody train to use―even now, the Conductor can’t tell what started the whole mess in the first place. His first instinct, as always, is to blame everyone around him for it. An Express Owl messed up the bomb’s timer, the owl in charge of pulling the stunt off hesitated, the owls brought him the wrong kind of bomb to use, every excuse in the book that absolved him of blame. He knew the truth, though: he, the director, made a gross oversight, and now there is no train to work with. Not for the movie, and especially not for his main line of work: conducting the only train on the entire planet.

Luckily, it’s still the weekend. He’s made up an excuse for why the train isn’t running, but there aren’t any owls (that he’s not using for his current movie, of course) heading to work until the week starts over again. The owls who witnessed the explosion were threatened not to tell a soul, of course, so most of the population doesn’t know.

Yet.

What a disaster of a word that is, he thinks to himself, nearly stumbling over an exposed root. Where is he, anyway? The Conductor swears he was just at the bar, drinking his sorrows away and vaguely lamenting. Maybe he a wrong turn on the way home somewhere? He’s been so lost in his own thoughts that, admittedly, he was not paying attention to where he was headed. Whatever. It doesn’t matter. There’s no train, there’s no feasible way to get a train in such a short amount of time, and frankly, he doesn’t quite see the point in existing in the moment as long as he doesn’t have his train. He continues to mentally lament the loss of his livelihood, drinking the rest of the contents of his flask (that he may or may not have filled on the way out from the bar while the bartender wasn’t looking) and trying not to fall over.

“You really thought you could step into my forest in that condition?” A sigh. “Normally, I’d have to trap unsuspecting visitors, but I can’t trust you to walk far enough to see it!”

The voice catches him off-guard, but the Conductor recovers quickly. “Eh?” he says, leaning on a tree and trying to figure out where the voice came from. “Who said that?”

“Look up.”

As soon as he does, he realizes he’s come face to face with a ghost. At least, he’s assuming that’s what this guy is. A shadow, maybe? A specter? Oh well, whatever. He’s not sure, and frankly, he doesn’t care.

“What, ye own an entire forest? Ridiculous!”

“Actually, yes, I do,” he insists. “That level of disrespect from a drunkard is a punishable offense, you know.”

“Then do somethin’ about it, peck neck!”

“Thanks for your permission! I was going to regardless!”

“There’s not much left for me without me train,” he says. “Go ahead! I’m not afraid of whatever yer gonna do!”

The other gives pause, tilting his head (and whole body, for that matter) to the side. “Your train? You’re giving up on living because of a train?”

“What about it?” The Conductor leans on the tree more heavily. It’s getting difficult to keep standing. “It’s me whole career! Well, that and movies, but I need me train fer that too!”

The spirit puts a hand to his chin, looking deep in thought for a moment. “As much as I don’t like you already, I get the feeling I should be merciful to some degree. Fine, I’ll strike a deal with you, and it’ll benefit the both of us. What do you say?”

Truth be told, the Conductor is not as coherent and put together as he usually is. Something about the drink causes him to not fight things as much―heck, it’s why he does it in the first place! It’s a way to unwind. Of course, the anger does end up seeping through, but he lets things slide much more easily. His judgement is in shambles. His ability to stay upright is gone. He is not in any condition to be making a deal.

“Aye, sure, throw whatever you have at me.”

He’s going to be making a deal anyway.

“Going to do it the easy way, I see.” There before the Conductor is a freshly made contract, with its own quill pen to boot. “Go ahead, read it!”

“Nae,” he says, “I’m not sober enough fer this.”

“Can’t even be bothered to read it, huh?” The ghost before him makes some ‘tch tch’ noises, frowning. The bird is unable to tell how authentic this is. “Am I feeling merciful enough to give a summary? Hmm... We don’t even know each other’s names, and you want this kind of thing from me. You’re really asking a lot out of me.”

“The Conductor,” he helpfully slurs out.

“Great, don’t care!”

“Then why’d ye bring it up in the first place, peck neck?”

Although he doesn’t have pupils, he can still somehow tell that the ghost is rolling his eyes. “Fine, I’m the Snatcher, at your service! See, all I really require from you is your soul, and―”

“Ye just want me soul? Pfft!” He laughs, nearly losing his balance in the process. The Conductor grabs onto the tree. “Fine, take it! Not like I’m doin’ much with it anyway! Actually, didn’t know I had one, now that I think about it.”

“Normally, that is all I’d want,” Snatcher says. “But since you’ve been giving me a hard time, and you interrupted me while I was speaking, I’m going to ask for something else from you: let me be in one of your movies.”

The laughter stops. “What!? No! I’m not letting ye just walk up and decide yer gonna be in my movie!”

“And I’m not letting you have an entire train without some form of compensation since your soul alone won’t cut it,” he replies. “It’s quite simple, really. You’re asking a lot out of me, bird brain, and I can only be so generous.”

“Nae! Pick somethin’ else, I’ll do anything besides that!”

“You’re not exactly in a position to negotiate, you know.” He leans in, looming over the Conductor as he continues. The bird isn’t phased. “Either you take the deal as it’s presented to you, or you get absolutely nothing at all. In fact, I think I’ll take your soul regardless!”

Unfortunately, this forest entity is right. There aren’t a whole lot of options left for him at this point. He can swallow his pride and give in to desperation, or he willing gives up his life (that doesn’t have a point to it without his train anyway). Actually, now that his alcohol addled mind thinks about it, both options involve the sacrifice of what little autonomy he has left. It’s live or die, and which would he rather do?

“Hand the contract over before I change my mind, peck neck,” he says, sliding down to the ground. The Conductor has given up trying to stay standing while also voluntarily giving up his soul. Hey, at least he’ll have a reason to live! Does he even want to at this point? Well, too late now, he supposes, sitting up and trying to sign the document with the wrong side of the pen. Snatcher, albeit reluctantly, helpfully flips it for him. He tries to mumble that he had it, but no, he really didn’t.

“There ye are.” The bird tries to hand the pen and contract over to the ghost, but it disappears out of his hands fairly quickly. “So, when do I get me train?”

Snatcher smiles. “In due time.”

Then, he wakes up.

The Conductor sits up, bleary eyed and trying, for the life of him, to figure out where he is. It feels unfamiliar, and yet he’s clearly on one of the couches in the VIP room of his train. He doesn’t even remember going here, let alone falling asleep. The massive headache that he has coming on isn’t helping matters much either. Rubbing his temples, he tries to process everything, the room seemingly spinning as he tries to stand up, so he lets himself sit back down again. Why’s this room tinted purple, anyway…?

“Ooh, careful, you shouldn’t be getting up so quickly after drinking that much.”

Ah, peck.

He turns around, holding his head after such a quick movement aggravates it. Snatcher, eternally smiling, looks at him from across the room. “What’re yer doing in here!? How long have ye―”

“You sure do yell a lot.” He moves closer to the Conductor, leaning on the back of the couch. The bird scoots himself as far away from him as he can. “Can’t imagine that’d be good for your hangover.”

“Answer me, peck neck!”

“For your information, my minions directed me here.” The ghost motions to a couple of small, purple creatures in the doorway, who only wave enthusiastically. “They’re the ones who put you in here after you passed out in my forest. I was just coming by to ask you where your set is.”

“Set?”

“Your movie set?” Snatcher tilts his head to the side. “Don’t you remember our arrangement?”

“Our… Arrangement?”

“You know, I’ve been wondering what kind of bird you are, but at this rate, I think I’ll assume you’re a parrot from the way you’re repeating everything back at me.” With a snap of his fingers, a contract appears in front of the Conductor. “You can read over it now if you want! Pretty sure you’re sober now, right?”

“Wh―” He grabs it, skimming over the words. The events of last night before his untimely blackout hit him as soon as he sees his signature at the bottom. The Conductor can’t bring himself to finish the entire document, and he lowers it, looking over to the Snatcher. While he tries to stay calm―he’s taking deep breaths, telling himself it’s not as bad as he thinks it is―his anger ultimately wins out. “Why yer no good noodle lookin’ contract writin’ PECK NECK! I WASN’T IN ME RIGHT STATE OF MIND WHEN I SIGNED THIS!”

“What was it you said before? Something about there not being much for you left without your train?” The Conductor freezes in his tracks, and the way he stares back at Snatcher only causes the latter to laugh. “Oh, you forgot you said that, didn’t you?”

The bird takes a deep breath, letting a hand run down his face. Quietly, he says, “I didn’t think I said that.”

“That’s too bad! You did, and you completely screwed yourself! Now, are you done looking that over?”

“Nae,” he says, “let me get something straight first: yer giving me this train in exchange for being in one of me movies.”

“Correct.”

“And if I say no?”

Snatcher smiles. “Then you should also say bye to this little locomotive of yours.”

“Can’t we make another deal?” he pleads. The Conductor hates swallowing his pride for this, but what else has he got to lose? He already lost whatever was left of his dignity the night before. “I’ll give yer anything else! I can’t afford to mess this up!”

“Are you assuming I’ll do something to ruin your movie?” The ghost’s smile fades. He just looks disappointed, but the Conductor feels nothing. “Oh, I’m absolutely hurt. A stab in the nonexistent gut.”

“Yer not even good at acting,” he grumbles. “How am I gonna win the Annual Bird Movie Awards like this?”

Snatcher blinks. “What, that’s it? You’re trying to win some trophy?”

“It’s about more than the trophy, peck neck!” The Conductor huffs, his voice getting louder the more he speaks. “It’s about the recognition! Being the best there is! Keeping me winning streak! Proving me movies are better than DJ Grooves’!” He spats out his rival’s name like it’s venom on his tongue. Snatcher only seems more intrigued. “That lousy good fer nothin’ thinks his movies are better than mine, and I can’t have you comin’ along and ruining that fer me, can I!?”

“That’s great and all, but that doesn’t change anything.” Was the peck neck even listening? “As much as I want to be heavily invested in your little rivalry, the fact of the matter is you’re stuck with me! Doomed to star in whatever bargain bin trash you’re making this time!”

“IT’S NOT TRASH!” He pauses. “Bargain bin!?”

“If you admitted that you’re a parrot, this entire conversation wouldn’t get on my nerves as much as it has. C’mon, pal, give me a chance to say something in my defense.” Snatcher slips an arm around the Conductor, who promptly smacks it off. “Ooh, you’re a touchy one, aren’t you?”

“Me movies are better than yer makin’ them out to be! If they’re so bad, why do ye wanna be in one so much!?”

Snatcher shrugs. “It sounded interesting at the time! Frankly, I regret making this deal too, especially after having to put up with whatever the past few minutes have been!” He moves away from the bird. “But, hey, a deal’s a deal. As much as I want to go back on it, I’m a man of my word. So, I’m stuck with you until production wraps up, which is…?”

The Conductor sighs. “A couple of months at least. I’ve fallen behind schedule enough as it is.”

“Wonderful! I’m going to hate every second of it.”

So am I, the Conductor thinks to himself, rubbing his temples. His headache persists, and he’s not sure it’s coming from the hangover at this rate. He has to force himself to calm down―the Annual Bird Movie Awards is fast approaching, and every second he spends trying to debate with this thing is time wasted. Deep breaths, Conductor, deep breaths. He looks down at the contract again, trying to actually finish what he was reading before. He rolls it up, shoving it into his pocket. “We need to head straight to the studio, then.” He walks past Snatcher. “That’s where I was last shooting. It’s going to be a pain trying to fit you into this movie, but I can do it.”

Snatcher smiles, floating alongside him. The Conductor tries very hard to walk ahead of him, but it’s not working. “So, what, going to rewrite it all so it’s all about me? That’s very generous of you!”

He turns on his heels, pointing a finger at the ghost that’s, admittedly, much taller than he is. Height never stopped him before. “I’m going to make this clear once and fer all, peck neck: yer not STARRING in MY MOVIE! Nothing about what I read said you’d have to be the main focus, and yer not going to be! You’ll be in it, you’ll get a role, but that’s it! Do ye hear me!?”

Snatcher stares at him for a moment, and then starts laughing. Wheezing, hysterical laughter. As the bird rares up to begin another tirade, the ghost speaks. “Okay, okay, I’ll admit, I wasn’t expecting you to notice that part of the contract. Normally I’d go back, make up some excuse, maybe change it to something that makes your life a lot harder, but I’ll give you a break.” He almost pats the Conductor on the top of his head, but thinks better of it, retracting his hand and putting it on his own hip instead. “Don’t think I’m going easy on you, though! You still have your contractual obligations to fulfill, and I won’t stop being a nuisance until you properly include me. That’s up to my own judgement.”

Better than nothing. There’s some relief (and satisfaction) in being told that he finally has some sort of upper hand on the other, but it feels like a hollow and forced victory. “Fine, fine. Let’s just get to set already.”

Lord knows Snatcher’s going to make this shoot a lot harder than it needs to be. Ultimately, the Conductor will adjust―he’s always been one for a challenge.

[frizz22]

uhh can i request a prompt of hilda comforting zelda with her ptsd post the caligary spell and like... sabrina and ambrose don't know whats going on but they know something happened

This one took me a little longer because I wanted to make sure I got it right. Because I doubt the show will, considering they’ve breezed over pretty much all the trauma these characters have been through. Read on a03

POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING

Hilda knew. She could tell, no matter how good Zelda was at hiding pain, at wearing a mask…. She could tell her sister wasn’t the same. Not since that abhorrent spell Blackwood cast on her.

She was ashamed to say it took her a little longer than it normally would have to notice. But with everything else going on, Ambrose’s near death, Sabrina nearly causing the apocalypse, losing Nick, saving the coven and Zelda taking over as high priestess… well, to say she’d been distracted was an understatement.

But Hilda had a feeling that the events had distracted Zelda as well, giving her something else to focus on and it was only now, that things had calmed down—relatively, that Zelda was coming to terms with what she’d been through. 

It was only little things, at first. Zelda took to wearing multiple protection charms, ones that prevented magical attacks and unwanted spells. This, in and of itself, wasn’t a big red flag. Most of the coven had picked up the habit after the hunters and the attempted poisoning by Blackwood.

Next, she noticed that her sister flinched at the sound of small, melodic tunes—like those preprogrammed as alerts in phones and computers. Zelda asked Ambrose to change all of them to no nonsense beeps, claiming it was more business like and therefore better suited for a high priestess. Though skeptical of and confused about the reasoning of the request, Ambrose complied. Hilda suspected the reason Zelda was so adamant about changing the sounds was because they reminded her of the music box Blackwood used to enchant her. Still, it wasn’t anything drastic and Zelda seemed fine otherwise, so Hilda let this go without comment as well.

And then, then there’d been the time Hilda came home from the bookstore and smoke was raising up from behind the house. Rushing around to the garden, Hilda had been stunned to find Zelda standing in front of a large fire with a look of grim determination on her face.

It wasn’t until she edged closer that Hilda realized her sister was burning every piece of clothing she owned with any sort of floral pattern—she’d never had many to begin with, but this purge left Zelda without a shred of floral fabric in her closet.

Hilda tried to talk to her right then, knowing this was in response to the ridiculous dresses Blackwood forced Zelda to wear. But a staff member astral projected onto the property just then and called Zelda away for an emergency at the academy. Her sister having taken it upon herself to act as interim headmistress as well while they searched for a replacement.

Sighing, Hilda carefully put out the fire and disposed of what was left. As she did, Hilda scolded herself for not picking up on how much Zelda was struggling sooner. Though everything was 20/20 in hindsight, wasn’t it?

After that fateful afternoon with the fire, every time Hilda attempted to talk to Zelda a coven member, Sabrina’s antics or Lilith herself would interrupt. That, or Zelda would quite literally run from the conversation.

Then, something happened that even Ambrose and Sabrina couldn’t miss.

They’d all been in sitting at the kitchen table after dinner, chatting and Zelda reading her paper while pouring herself a cup of tea. Sabrina had asked her aunt if she could top off her cup while she had the kettle in hand. Zelda turned without completely looking up from her paper and held the kettle out only to stiffen, hand frozen in midair, the kettle partially tipped but not enough for anything to come out.

Confused, Sabrina looked at Zelda, brows furrowed. “Aunt Zee?” But Zelda was far away, eyes locked onto something in the middle distance only she could see. “Auntie?” Sabrina reached out carefully and touched Zelda’s arm.

Recoiling from the touch, Zelda dropped the kettle, eyes a little wild, and fled from the kitchen without a word.

Hilda followed several minutes later, having had to convince Ambrose and Sabrina to stay downstairs. But the door to the bedroom was locked and Hilda knew how important control and space must be for her sister right now, so she simply knocked gently.

“Zelds?” She called out softly, “can I get you anything?” Silence greeted her offer, before she was brusquely told to go away. Sighing, Hilda did as she was bid and went back downstairs to find the kids hovering at the bottom of the steps.  

She did her best to distract them, and herself, but Hilda knew she wasn’t very successful. All of their eyes drifting up to the ceiling where they could hear Zelda relentlessly pacing.

Later that night, after Hilda somewhat forcefully made Ambrose and Sabrina go to bed, she heard a muffled crash come from Zelda’s room. Hurrying to the door, Hilda knocked but heard nothing in reply.

Then a scream.

Hilda forced the door open and shut it again, sealing it magically against her well-meaning, but intrusive, niece and nephew, before finding Zelda sitting up breathing hard. “Zelds—” She reached her sister’s hand, heart sinking when Zelda wrenched away from her.

“No!” She exclaimed, almost falling off the bed in her hasty attempt to increase the distance between them. Zelda’s eyes were a bit wild and unfocused. “It’s not safe, I’m not safe. I’m not in control. I could hurt—"

Hilda held up her hands, hoping to placate her sister. “You are in control, you are. It was a dream. You’re safe, you’re home. I’m here and you’re in control.”

Taking gulping breathes, Zelda focused in on her voice. “Hildie?” She whimpered, visibly trembling.

Hilda nodded and managed to give Zelda a small smile. “Yes, love, I’m here.” She climbed onto the bed slowly and made sure not to touch her sister again. “Tell me about it?” Shuddering, Zelda shook her head and sniffled. Swallowing, but knowing this was likely her only chance, Hilda pressed on. “Zelds, you can’t keep holding this in. It’s unhealthy.”

A long silence followed her statement, and then. “I—” Zelda started hoarsely and licked her lips. “I dreamed you or Sabrina got in my way when I cam for Leviathan.” She whispered, picking at her nail polish—a new nervous habit Hilda had noticed. “Blackwood, he, uh, he’d instructed me to not let anyone get in my way.” Zelda informed her, tears starting to trek down her cheeks. “I prayed I wouldn’t encounter anyone. I knew I’d hurt Sabrina. Hurt you. And I wouldn’t be able to stop it.” Taking a shaky inhale, she continued. “In my dream, you both tried to stop me. And I killed you both.” Her voice cracked but she kept talking. “Which meant I condemned Ambrose and he lost his head. I killed you all and it was all my fault.” Zelda finished, gasping and clenching the comforter in her hands.

Carefully, and very deliberately, Hilda placed a finger under her sister’s chin and lifted it so she could focus on her. “None of that was your fault or under your control. None of it. You hear me?”

And out of nowhere, Zelda slumped against her and sobbed, Hilda tentatively brought her arms around her sister and when Zelda pressed against her harder, Hilda tightened her embrace significantly.

“You can put on a brave face for Sabrina and Ambrose, but I know. I never should have let you go back. Never should have made you keep up that disgusting charade.” Hilda muttered, guilt washing through her at the admission. At the time she’d thought nothing of it, Zelda had acted so blithely about it, flipping her hair over her shoulder and making a snarky comment. But Hilda could see the damage now, how awful it must have been for Zelda to march back into that situation and pretend.

But Zelda shook her head, “it was the only—”

“No.” Hilda clung to Zelda harder, “I never should have let you go back. I should’ve gone and killed Blackwood right then and there. He’d have been caught completely off guard. And I could—” she faltered, tears slipping down her cheeks. “I could have protected you from some pain.”

More sobs wracked Zelda’s body and Hilda ran a soothing hand up and down her sister’s back.

Swallowing her own tears, Hilda rested her cheek on top of Zelda’s head. “Tell me the rest? Better out than in, yes?” She asked softly, knowing she might be pushing too far, but also knowing her sister couldn’t internalize this any longer.

Zelda shuddered against her, “I was, was aware the whole time. Trapped. Trapped inside my head, banging against the sides, trying to speak, to control my body… but nothing was under my control. I had a front row seat to my life, to seeing myself used like a puppet. I was sealed inside, with no say in anything and Faustus he still, he—” she gulped, unable to finish and for several minutes they sat in silence.

“He took away my choice, Hildie.” She managed, now picking at her cuticles, some of which were beginning to bleed. Hilda gently released Zelda from her hug and took her hands into her own to stop the action. Zelda blinked and looked at her hands, unaware of what she’d been doing, but nodded minutely in thanks before leaning heavily against Hilda once more and resting her head on her sister’s shoulder. “He took and took and took. We’d always, at least in the bedroom, same page. But then he took it all away and took what he wanted still.”

Something dangerous sparked inside Hilda, though Zelda wasn’t forming completely coherent sentences, she understood what her sister was unable to say…. What she’d likely refused to truthfully label until now. Blackwood was a dead man, well, he’d already been that, but Hilda would make sure she got some alone time with her former brother-in-law before they put him to death. But fantasies of torture could wait, Zelda needed her. “Oh, Zelds, I—”

“When does it get better, Hildie?” She whispered wretchedly, “how does it get better?”

Gently wiping her sister’s face and tucking some hair behind her ear, Hilda bit her lip, unsure. “Well, tonight I’ll make you some tea with a little foxglove in it, you’ll get a good night’s sleep. And when you wake up in the morning, you’ll go to work, talk with other teachers and coven members, break up stupid teenage witch fights and then you’ll come home. And we’ll all eat dinner together, maybe read or do puzzles afterwards before going to bed. And I will sit by your side until you fall asleep. And the next day, we’ll do the same and it will hurt a tiny bit less. And the next day after that will hurt even less.

“Oh, Zelds, I hope that’s true, I do. I pray to Satan or Lilith or whoever we’re supposed to worship now that that’s true. But I don’t know,” she breathed, hating that she couldn’t give her sister the definitive answer she likely craved. “I’ve never been where you are.”

Zelda gave her a tremulous smile, “that’s alright. What matters is that you’re here.” She whispered, lacing her fingers with Hilda’s and exhaling shakily.

A few more tears leaked down Hilda’s face, “and I always will be.” She promised fiercely, vowing to never let anything or anyone hurt her big sister again.

[starryeyedsweetheart]

Hotel Hatred

Author: @starryeyedsweetheart

Pairing: Tom Holland & Reader

Word Count: 2250

Note: maybe a part two, depends on how ambitious i’m feeling ;) also lemme know if you want to be on any of my taglists

When it came to acting in the new Spiderman movie that will have Marvel fans combust from the pure brilliance of it, I loved it.

When it came to spending all my time with Tom Holland because I was playing his love interest, I hated it.

Nothing in the world could get my blood boiling faster than that idiotic boy opening his lipless mouth. There’s nothing truly wrong with him...except for his inability to shut the hell up when it came to the movie plot, or the way he doesn’t ever shut up in general. Don’t even get me started on his cockiness. Sure, he can do a couple flips and shit. So what? Half the time, he lands right on his stupid face and those are probably the best moments of my life.

The hatred I have for him is not one sided. Believe me when I tell you that Tom hates me just as much as I despise him. Getting caught between our intense glares can probably murder an animal as large as an elephant if looks could really kill.

I’m not quite sure why this mutual resentment for one another began. Just from meeting him, I could already feel the uneasiness bubble within my stomach. I’ve heard that he was polite, but somehow that trait of his flew out the window ten minutes into meeting him.

Somehow, our on screen chemistry is nothing like our offscreen screaming matches and snide remarks. The directors actually loved how well we work when we’re faking any ounce of kindness to one another. To me, Peter Parker could own my heart in the blink of an eye. And then, when I blink myself back into reality and see Tom’s smug face, I want to vomit.

And just the idea of kissing him tomorrow has my head spinning a million miles an hour as I’m sprawled out on my hotel room bed. I’ve been tossing and turning for the past hour, not understanding why the thought of making out with him is keeping me up. I’m sure it’s the absolute resentment I feel towards him, but my hatred for him has never kept me up before.

So, I curl myself into the sheets of the mattress, hugging the blankets to my chest as warmth fills me up. I snuggle deeper into comfort, eyes shut peacefully and I feel it.

I feel the sweet satisfaction of slumber rocking me to peace...until my eyes snap open to the shrill, sharp sound of rapid booms against my hotel door.

“Who the hell?” I grumble groggily, forcefully throwing the covers off my body in a fit of anger. The knocking continues as I stomp across the room to the front door. Swinging it open, my eyes meet a familiar pair of beady brown ones before slamming the door shut.

Before hearing that satisfying click of the lock, Tom’s arm is propped up against the door, successfully stopping me. I groan, letting him pushing open once again.

“I can’t sleep,” he says.

“Well, I can.”

I go to shut the door, this time harsher. Still, Tom quickly shoves his foot in between, barely flinching from the quick movement.

“Can I come in, already? It’s quite rude of you to leave a guest out in the hallway.” I squint at him like he was the dirt at the bottom of my shoe. Pursing my lips, I try to quench the bitter taste he leaves in my mouth just from speaking. He sighs loudly and dramatically. “I haven’t got all night, Y/L/N.”

“What if I do?”

“I know you’re an immortal, demonic being, but—Okay! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” he suddenly shouts as I go to slam the door once again. I slowly pull it back open, brows furrowing at his frantic yelling. Taking a good look at him, I finally realized how disheveled and messy he looks.

His curly hair was a bird’s nest atop his head, almost if he had been tugging and running his fingers through the waves nonstop. His t-shirt was wrinkled like he had been tossing and turning in bed. Tom’s brown eyes were unbelievably tired, and I couldn’t put a finger on why he looked like shit more than usual.

“Are you alright?” I question wearily, voice void of concern. I was more suspicious than anything.

“I just…” He sighs again. Are his lungs okay? What’s with all the constant sighing? “I need to talk to you.”

“Me?”

“Yes.”

“Me?”

“Yes, Y/L/N.”

“Hold up,” I open the door a little wider, propping my hand against my hip and narrowing my eyes. “Me?”

Tom frustratedly throws his hands in the air. “Yes, okay! It’s you I need to have a conversation with in the middle of night. You’re the only person I can talk to about this. If coming here was a waste of time, then I’ll just go.”

He turns to leave, and watching his back as he took a step triggered something inside of me. I open the door a little wider, the creaking of the hinges causing Tom to look over his shoulder. He stares at me in disbelief and I roll my eyes.

“Well, are you coming in or what?”

A few moments pass as he awkwardly shuffles in past me, his natural scent passing me by. Due to it being the middle of the night, his nauseating cologne isn’t drenching his outfit. Night-time Tom is more pleasing. He takes a seat at the foot of my bed, folding his hands in his lap. Tom’s back was straight, as if being in my presence made him feel he should be alert 24/7.

I stare at him skeptically. His eyes didn’t seem as beady, even in this dim lighting. His jaw wasn’t clenched in the obvious anger he always had for me. From the way his fingers fidgeted, it was almost like he was nervous. But I wasn’t buying it for one second.

I lean up against the wall across from the bed, arms crossed and waiting. The silence between us was suffocating, my heart suddenly missing our continuous banter and arguing. Tom just sitting there, perfectly innocent just this once, was messing with my head. I couldn’t help but feel nervous, my heart racing at the sight of him.

“Frog got your tongue?” I inquire.

Tom lets out a soft, tired laugh that suddenly twists my heart. “It’s hard,” he shrugs. “Saying what I want to say while also saying it right.”

“Tom, it’s three o’clock in the morning, and I have no idea what you just tried to tell me.”

“I’m nervous about kissing you tomorrow,” he quickly blurts out.

My eyes widen in surprise before I push myself off the wall to stand. “Uh, what?” I utter in complete confusion. That’s what’s keeping him up, too? Too. What is going on?

“I know we have great onscreen chemistry, but what if we’re not good enough actors? What if we can’t pull off kissing each other?” he starts to ramble, standing up and pacing the room. His fingers find themselves in his hair, just like I thought they would. “I don’t wanna mess this up. This is such a big movie. And what if we have to kiss like multiple times because we can’t get it right. This is Marvel, we’re talking about here. They’ll want it to be good. What if we can’t make it good, Y/N?”

“Woah, woah, woah,” I interrupt. My head was spinning from his constant talking. The sound of my first name leaving his lips surprisingly didn’t leave a raging fire of annoyance in my stomach like it usually would. “It’s kissing, Holland. It can’t be that hard.”

“It is when two people hate each other.”

“And you had to come all the way to my room to remind me of our shared hatred because?” I ask, wanting him to finish my sentence.

Tom halts. He stands a couple feet in front of me, chest heaving up and down from the continuous ranting. “Because…” he trails off. He couldn’t meet my eyes. “I have a solution but I don’t know if you’d want to do it.”

Pursing my lips, I put some thought into it. Some real thought. I hate to admit it, but the idea of screwing up the entire scene because of a petty hatred for one another terrified me. This movie is my one shot at getting my name out into the acting world. I want to pursue my dream, prove those who mocked me wrong. Despite the small part of spite thrashing about in my stomach, there was also my heart yearning for this. All my life, all I wanted to do was act. This was my dream job. I’m literally living the dream, and I can’t let something as meaningless as one kiss with a stupid boy ruin it.

“What do you have in mind?” I ask, feeling my shoulders slump in defeat. Again, it was three in the morning. There’s no point in trying to keep up this never ending facade of hating Tom anymore, not when he seemed just as defenseless.

“You might want to sit down for this,” he suggests.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” I quip.

His lips turn into another dopey, tired smile. “This won’t work if you’re going to be a brat.”

I mock him, my voice tainted with an English accent that only pulled a laugh from his throat. He sits back down at the foot of my bed, eyes staring up at me with a newfound patience. Something about it made my stomach turn. Tom pats the space beside him and I feel a string snap inside of me as I find myself slowly sitting next to him.

“Do you trust me?” he whispers. I don’t have time to respond as he gently grabs my hands, his own enveloping mine in this comfortable warmth. My heart slams against my chest, and I almost choke it down when it suddenly gets stuck in my throat.

“Barely,” I croak, not missing my palms turn clammy.

In response, his thumbs soothingly rubs at the back of my hand. I honestly melt into his touch.

“Stop me at any time you feel uncomfortable, alright?” he murmurs. I nod slowly, suddenly losing my ability to form any coherent words. Tom nibbles at his bottom lip, head tilting to the side. “I’m going to do it now,” he says, words trailing off into an uncertain end.

“Just do it,” I mumble and his lips curl into a silly little grin before he leans in and softly presses his lips against mine. In a matter of seconds, his hands find a familiar home around my waist as he pulls me closer into him. We move against one another with cautious actions, my hands clumsily gripping at the hair on his neck.

For a short second, one beautiful and heart wrenching second, I feel the switch in my brain click. All those times where we were yelling back and forth. Those moments where my eyes linger a little longer on him when we glare. The reason why my heart jumps at the sight of him. It all makes sense.

Kissing him, liking him, made sense.

He pulls away all too soon, barely giving me time to register how much I truly wanted this. Tom’s chest heaves up and down as he cockily smirks at me. “Alright, so maybe it won’t be so bad tomorrow,” he smiles.

“Tom, I-” My confession barely rolled off my tongue before he clapped his hands together and stood up, leaving nothing but cold air and loneliness beside me.

“Great acting, Y/L/N. I always forget you have it in you to be likable at times.”

My heart plummets to a deeper part of me I didn’t know existed. “W-What?” I stutter out, eyes still blinking in and out of reality. Or maybe blinking back tears I didn’t know I had yet.

“We’ll be fine for the scene tomorrow. I can finally go to sleep with a clear conscience,” Tom says, completely unaware of the feelings I was harboring inside of me.

“That was it? Your plan was to just kiss me to test the waters?” I ask, voice a little more defensive and high pitched than what I’d hope.

He furrows his brow. “Uh, yeah. That kiss was just that. A kiss. Nothing more. Nothing less.” My heart twists and Tom’s posture suddenly falters. “Why? Did that mean something to you?”

No. It’s late and I’m tired. Of course it didn’t mean anything. Or maybe it meant everything.

I shake my head, the resentment I had for Tom creeping back up my spine. I couldn’t find it in myself to yell at him, fight another pointless argument. I just usher him out of my hotel room in an anxious fit before he’s in the hallway and I’m hiding behind the door once again. I barely mutter a bitter good night before his hand is stopping me from closing the door once again.

“Wait, that didn’t mean anything, right?” he asks, voice dripping in an emotion I couldn’t decipher.

My chest aches. My nose twitches while a sour taste is left in the back of my tongue. I try to shake the feelings out of my system. I attempt to cleanse myself from the flood of thoughts suddenly crashing over my brain in a fatal tsunami.

“Never,” I spit out, avoiding his eyes. “Nothing that happens between us could ever mean anything.”

--

taglist: @me-a-hopeless-romantic @ellie24avery @embrace-themagic

[zuxnon]

CEO SVT | Seungkwan - Incompatible

authors note: i know everyone who knows me already KNOWS this BuuuuTTTT i wanna warn yall,,, absolutely a whole ass 0% percent proofreading went into this and since it took me so long to write it i dont know if its coherent,... does it make sense FHGSDUJKA ill find out at some point but yknow~ nshfksghk i am SORRY its also rlly short rip

summary: anyone would’ve said you were incompatible, even seungkwan himself. but he was interesting, he was real, he was sassy and entertaining, and he was drop dead gorgeous. therefore, you didn’t care what any of them had to say. you would pursue him until you got bored of doing so. that was just who you were.  

boo seungkwan hated the elevator ride down from his apartment every morning. not because he was tired, because it was six in the morning and he wanted to sleep in. not because he hated the elevator- nothing that simple. it was his luck. his horrible, damned awful luck. it was never good- for some goddamned reason every morning, that horrible downstairs neighbor took it upon herself to wake whenever he did, leave whenever he did, and confront him about his day or night, telling him she heard him up at 3am getting a glass of water and he should learn to walk quieter. he made the mistake of bringing a girl home once, when he was insanely drunk and horny, and god had he heard it from her that next morning. it wasn't as if she was silent either. it definitely wasn't as if she hadn't had her fair share of rather loud one night stands- but arguing with her was of no use and he found it a hassle to talk to her in the first place, so he rarely complained.

he tried putting earbuds in one morning, tried to block her out, but she plucked one from his ear and turned him to face her. he tried ignoring her, but no matter where he turned she would always follow, standing right in his face and talking louder so he couldn't possibly pretend she wasn't screaming in his ear. when he got home late from helping seokmin clean up the aftermath of the party, he knew he'd be getting an earful in the morning. why did she have to be such a damn light sleeper?

sure enough, he had the same thought when the elevator stopped at her floor on the way down. and sure enough, when the elevator doors opened, she was the only one waiting. her eyes were shielded by sunglasses, a mask covering her mouth and nose, a bright, sunflower colored windbreaker and black yoga pants clothing her body. the jacket was zipped all the way up and the hood was hiding her dyed red hair. she usually looked like this in the mornings, sometmes prettier, sometimes less pretty, but usually well hidden. at least, until she stepped in the elevator. as soon as she stepped foot in the elevator, she pulled the mask down. the hood was tugged off her head and the sunglasses pushed upwards to rest on her hair. her arms crossed over her chest- she looked like she was ready for a showdown.

seungkwan didn't waste time pretending, he immediately let his head roll back, dropping against the wall of the elevator and groaned in exasperation. she felt her heart beat faster, nerves and frustration rushing through her. it was his fault, anyways. why did he act so angry? why didn't he just like her in the first place?

"why were you out so late last night?" she barked, puffing her chest out and pointing her nose up as she went to stand beside him. from an outside perspective it would've looked almost comical, the way she stood as if a pole had pierced all the way up through her, contrasting the way he leaned against the wall like he wanted to sink back into it. the difference between the long, fashionable dark blue coat and dark jeans and burnt orange sweater he wore and the workout clothes she wore. the way both of them refused to look at each other, bodies facing straight ahead but they stood so close that if she swayed even slightly to the side her shoulder would brush against his arm.

"it's none of your business."

she scowled, her arms visibly tightening. "it's automatically my business when your carelessness is interrupting my sleep. if i don't sleep well, my skin doesn't glow like it should. i gain weight. i get dark circles and red eyes. i can't afford to lose sleep every time you stay out getting drunk somewhere." she grumbled, leaning slightly sideways to elbow him in the side.

he shot her a glare from the corner of his eyes, trying to squeeze himself tighter into the corner, further away from her. alas, it didn't work. thankfully, though, they were nearing the bottom floor by then.

"invest in some earplugs." he hissed, carefully maneuvering himself further away from her, closer to the doors. "then you won't hear me."

he could practically hear the wheels in her head turning, the steam coming out of her ears as she dropped her arms, both fists clenched at her sides and her lips parted in furious thought.

"why should i have to-" she was cut off by the ding of the elevator, the squeak of the doors opening and seungkwan's footsteps as he hurriedly escaped before she could explode.

-

for about half of the day, work was particularly slow. your angry manager shouting at everyone who came near as you looked through offers for your next show or movie- whatever you thought she could play best. a victim in a horror film. a low-budget rom-com missing a plot. a romance/mystery show. there was even offer for you to be in a thriller film with a warning of multiple graphic sex scenes. they were crazy if they thought you'd accept that. you hardly liked scary films anyways. your 'no' pile was stacking up, your 'yes' pile was nonexistent and your maybe pile was thin. only the mystery and a superhero movie. as much as you would love to see yourself playing a superhero, as proud as you would be, you didn't know if you could handle the strain it would put on your body. sure, you would consider it, though. there were far too many offers to go through, you were starting to get tired of it. you were sore from sitting in the uncomfortable chair in that stuffy office all day,  hungry from not eating lunch, you had three different papercuts on your hands from flipping through so many envelopes.

you were so, so close to giving up, fingers twitching with a desire to throw the whole pile and storm out. maybe you would have, had the sky-blue of the pretty letter next in your hands not caught your attention. a name that sounded vaguely familiar. boo broadcasting. (forgive me i cant name things for shit) you thumbed at the corners for a few moments, trying to think of where you'd heard it before, why it seemed more familiar than just the company. trying to find the bell the name had rung in your mind.  after a few moments, instead of giving in and ignoring the question in your mind, you decided to pull out your phone and look it up. to your surprise, your most pleasant surprise, the first face you see is that of your upstairs neighbor.

'CEO of Boo Broadcasting, Boo Seungkwan seen leaving unknown woman's apartment late at night.' it read, with a blurry, dark picture of the the boy, with his recently dyed blue hair and his trademark long, dark coats, slipping out of an apartment you didn't recognize. curiously, you decided to click it, setting the letter down in your lap as you quickly scrolled to the bottom. you didn't bother reading the article, only the comments. oftentimes, those were more accurate than the dramatic, disgusting articles written by slimy, slithering liars. she had seen too many kind people be taken down by the words they shamelessly spoke.

'the woman in the picture is his mother. she was in the pictures for his graduation.' 'that's his mom, how can you post such blatant lies? really shameless' that was all she needed to see. the comparison pictures in the first comment proved it to her. good. less competition, right?

she let her phone fall back in her lap, one hand grabbing the envelope and tearing the side open to pull the letter out and read it. a variety show with various a-list celebrities- and a special guest. the handsome ceo of the company broadcasting the show as none other than the host.

somewhat of a roleplay show, it seems, where you'll be surprised with the theme of each episode you film, pick a role from a hat and act it as well as you can. you should be filming for just over a month. it sounded perfect- like exactly something you'd enjoy working on. sounded like a perfect chance to hopefully seduce your upstairs neighbor at the same time as you worked. entertaining in more than one way. so, with a smile on your face, you brought it to your manager.

-

lots of nagging and purposeless early morning elevator rides later, your awakening at 5 in the morning had a real reason- not that you didn't consider nagging your upstairs neighbor a real reason. if you didn't, you likely wouldn't be in the elevator at 5 every morning just to talk to him.  to your surprise, he wasn't dressed up when you entered the elevator- didn't groan or bother to even look at you. he kept his eyes closed, head back as he leaned against the elevator wall. you walked over beside him in silence, stood for a few sweet seconds wordlessly before you tilted your head slightly to the side, posture slouched as your eyes trailed over to his makeup-less face. there were a few small blemishes, his skin was a tiny bit more red than you would expect, but he looked... pretty. beautiful maybe, without makeup on. you lolled your head and stared up at the ceiling instead.

"you were quiet last night... what got into you? didn't wake me up once."

he sent you a quick glance from the corner of his eye, but didn't  say anything in response. his eyes didn't even linger on you-  they quickly turned back to the elevator ceiling and closed, his body relaxing against the wall.

you pouted to yourself, bit your lip for a moment before turning to face him again.

"where are you going today?"

this time he completely ignored you, didnt even give you a look. that was fine, you could think of something else to attract his attention if need be. it took you a few seconds to think, a few sweet seconds that he enjoyed like nothing else that morning, but soon enough (or, rather, too soon,) you were granted with an idea. a genius idea, for more than one reason. the main being that if he said yes, you wouldn't have to wait for your manager to drive down here and get you in an hour.

"can i ride with you?" you asked, grinning to yourself in pride at your own genius. should he choose not to allow you, it would be a fault of his own. what harm did you ever do to him anyways?

"you already are," came a low, deep voiced grumble from the corner of the elevator. "you do every morning."

bouncing happily on the balls of your heels, you move over to stand in front of him and look up towards him, arms crossed over your chest casually. "no, i mean in your car. can you drive me? we're going to the same place and i can't drive." you explain, and instantly, as soon as the word 'car' slips out of your mouth his head snaps down, eyes scanning yours as if to see if you were kidding. you weren't. that didn't take him long to realize.

"what do you mean, 'we're going to the same place'?" he asked, looking surprised- maybe even afraid. of course, he had no reason to be afraid, he was the CEO of not only the company broadcasting  company, but the company which was literally producing the show. if he very well wanted to, he could absolutely get you kicked off the show. so you knew you had to be on your best behavior. the elevator bell dinged a few times, signaling that you would soon be coming to a stop in the lobby. he slipped around you to stand by the door, you turning on your heels to follow him, stand shoulder to shoulder against him, both staring at the silver doors.

"we're filming together." you state matter-of-factly, smiling in triumph as you fought to hide the smugness in your tone. of course, you knew there was a 50-50 chance that he'd tell the producers that like hell would he work with you, but still this was closer to him than you'd been before. the door slid open, and for once he waited for you to get out first. he seemed a bit sulky when you turned to glance at him, watch him walk out after you, but he followed anyways, soon stepping ahead to lead, you assumed, you to his car, as he occasionally glanced to make sure you were following.

"they didn't tell me any of the people i'd be filming with, it was supposed to be a surprise i guess so i wouldn't go into it with a bias." he shot a glare at you from the corner of his pretty brown eyes, and you smiled in return. "glad i got a warning."

it was hard to stifle the giggle pulling at your lips at his grumbled words, quite obviously not intended for you to hear but you heard anyways. he was adorable. whether he hated you or not, he was so cute, you loved talking to him. and, if it came down to it, listening to him insult you. he was funny. quirky. adorable, and rather entertaining. you liked how he spoke his mind.

"so can i ride with you, sir?" you asked, practically bouncing happily as he led you into the private parking garage, unlocked his car (clicked twice, ensuring all doors would be unlocked, you noticed) and turned to glance at you. he sighed.

"don't call me that... get in."

[thehardy-boys]

The Set Designer

Hi everyone! If anyones listening...Here’s another one! Sorry it took me so long to write this request but I finally got it done! Don’t worry I got more requests already in the queue, so I’ll be posting more soon!

Request: Would you possibly do a Cillian reader best friends, with reader visiting peaky blinders set, and Cillian's being slightly flirty maybe handsy or cuddly because he realizes how much he appreciates them loves them even

Hope you enjoy!

"He did not!" You shouted as Helen finished telling you her rather shocking gossip.

"Oh, he did darling, he did." She said giving you a knowing look as she sipped her tea.

"My god, and with her! Of all the girls in Hollywood to sleep with." You said all of this while pouring yourself another cup of tea and splashing some milk in. "He always had bad taste," Helen said glancing around set. 

You as well glanced around. You were both sitting at the round table located in Michaels hospital room. The crew and cast were on break for lunch. 

You worked on the set of Peaky Blinders since the very beginning, season one. You were a set designer, a good one. You made sure the sets were realistic and detailed, you helped with the lighting and the costumes so the corresponded well with the backdrops. You had quite an important role. As soon as you began to work on season one of Peaky Blinders you had made friends with the whole cast.  You and Cillian had always been very good friends since the beginning. 

You and Helen watched Michael get chased around set by Sophie. They were giggling manically as if they were children again. Paul was in an intense conversation with Harry, probably about politics. You furrowed your eyebrows and looked around a bit more but no, you couldn't see him.

"Looking for your true love?" Helen teased.Your head immediately whipped back around to face her.

"I have no idea who you are talking about." You mumbled into your cup of tea that you brought up for a sip.

"Hmm. He's still in the makeup trailer." She said glancing at you in amusement. You nodded, "Well I best be off, I got another set to finish." Helen nodded still with a small smirk on her face. 

As you walked off you heard Helen call after you, "Tell Cillian I said hello." You felt a blush creep up to your cheeks and shook our head and continued to walk away. 

As you opened the door to the makeup trailer you really did wonder to yourself why you liked him so much. He was your friend. But god, his eyes, and his laugh, and his smile. He was just too good to be true. "Hello, Darlin'" You heard his rich Irish accent wash over you, clearing you of any coherent thoughts.

"Wassup?" You say playfully.  You moved over and sat down next to him in the makeup chairs. He did something that he had never done before. He lent over and pecked you on the cheek. It was fast and quick and, and lovely. He went back to flipping through his lines as if it was a normal thing to do. And it became one. Now every time you came to visit him in the makeup trailer in the morning he would always give you a quick swift kiss and then you would both start to chat like normal.

"He probably feels bad for me." You said to Helen over another cup of tea. Helen wasn't working today and neither was Cillian but they both came to set anyway wanting to watch the scene that was being filmed that day. "Why would he kiss you on the cheek every day because he feels bad for you?" Helen asked utterly confused.

You were as well, you actually weren't quite sure why you thought he felt bad for you.

"I don't know Helen maybe because he thinks I'm lonely?" You said shrugging your shoulders.

"Maybe you're in denial because you can't accept Cillian likes you," Helen said raising her eyebrows at you.

"He does not like me." You said blandly although a blush did tint your cheeks. "Okay, hon, whatever helps you sleep at night," Helen said after a sip of her tea. "And you like him." You immediately shushed her in case anybody was listening.

"Who likes who?" A strong American voice asked from behind you. You and Helen were both sitting on the floor in the corner of the room trying to stay out of the way.

As you heard the voice you swiveled around and craned your neck up to try and see the face of the man that spoke. But you already knew who it was. Adrien smiled down at the two of you with his hat tilted to the side. "Um..." You tried in vain to think something up glancing over at Helen for help. "Don't worry, I already know who you like," Adrien said with a chuckle winking down at you and Helen. 

"What?!" You said in a horrified voice.

"Love, it's not like your very subtle," Adrien said with a roll of his eyes. Someone called out to him about his hair and makeup.

"And," He said as he was about to turn away, "Cillian likes you too." Before you could deny any knowledge of Cillian he walked away with a bit of a swagger in his step. 

A hand slipped around your waist as you were placing multiple books on the shelf in Tommy Shelby's office. 

You jumped at the contact, "Hi." You heard his low Irish voice from behind you. "Hey." You said back continuing to put books on the shelf. Cillian lent his head against your shoulder and just relaxed there.  You both stayed like that for a while, you putting books onto the shelves and Cillian leaning his head on your shoulder with his arm wrapped around your waist. 

It was calming, hearing his steady heartbeat and breathing. "Where you off to then?" Cillian asked from his seat on the couch in Tommy's office. You work hours were over but Cillian still had some scenes to film for the second episode.

"Helen and I are just goin' out for a couple of drinks, down at the local pub. I would say join us but, well I guess you're still working." You said the last part as a bit of tease, knowing very well that Cillian was tired and wanted to get away from the set.

"Oh, shut up." He said with a smile. "That dress looks lovely on you, by the way." He said calmly. You didn't respond, not knowing what to say.

"Blue always looks amazing on you, but really every color does." He said again as if he was talking about the weather.

"Thanks." You whisper, feeling nervous under the blue eyes of the man before you.

He smiled back but before you had time to return the compliments Helen bounded over and pulled you out of the building ready to get some alcohol in her system. 

After a couple more weeks episode 2 and 3 was done filming and the cast was out for a couple pints down at the local pub as a celebration and of course, you went along as well.

You were on the end seat and Cillian was sitting next to you on your right. Helen was in front of you and Adrien sitting right next to her. Everyone was laughing and talking to each other. Paul and Tom were causing a ruckus at the other end of the table while they laughed. Helen and Adrien were in a very serious and quiet conversation across from you. 

As the night wore on Cillian's arm looped itself around the back of your chair almost as if to make sure you were safe.

Later on in the night, Cillian went over to the bar to get another round for everyone. Without knowing it your eyes followed his every movement at the bar. Admiring the movement of the muscles underneath his simple black t-shirt. After placing his order Cillian lent on the bar and turned around to survey his surroundings and caught sight of you looking at him. 

He smiled at you and gave you a wink, sending shivers down your back and a blush to your cheeks at being caught staring at him. Helen gave you a big sloppy kiss on the cheek as you bid her good night at her trailer door, she was only a little tipsy. 

"Nighty night." She said, only a bit slurred.

Before Helen fully closed the door to her trailer she lent out and whispered in your ear, "Why don't you get lucky tonight?"

At first, you didn't understand what she was talking about but then when she nodded over your shoulder at Cillian you immediately spluttered. "You know what you need to do Helen?" 

"What?" Helen asked curiously.

"Get some sleep." And with a roll of her eyes at your comment she closed her door fully.

You turned around and watched Cillian chatting to Adrien, they both found something funny and laughed together. You admired the way Cillian laughed and the way he smiled when he was happy. 

As you approached Cillian Adrien bid him a good night and one to you as well. "Hey," Cillian whispered as you came to stand next to him. Cillian snaked a hand around your hips and pulled you to him as a big gust of wind blew into both of you. 

"I'm not much sleepy now." You said once the gust of wind was passed. "Me neither."

You both stood there. Cillian's arms were still wrapped around you in a hug. He looked down at you, "Wanna go stargazing?" "Yeah!" You said with a giddy laugh.

As you were halfway up the mountain it started to rain, luckily you whipped out an umbrella and the two of you slowly made your way up the hill. The entire time Cillian always had one arm around your waist, making sure you wouldn't fall. When you finally got to the top you both hunted around for a nice spot. You put down your big raincoat you were wearing and you both sat down and relaxed. 

Cillian placed a hand around your shoulders and you leaned on his shoulder. And after a bit his hand roped into your hair and started to gently play with the ends, relaxing you even more. 

"Why are you so nice to me all of a sudden." You demanded quietly. Cillian looked away from the night sky with a look of worry and confusion on his face. "Aren't I always nice to you?"

You rolled your eyes. "Well, of course, you are, but why are you complimenting me all of the sudden, all the time. And, like, and pecking my cheek, you never use to do that."

Cillian remained silent, he had turned back to look at the starry night. "I bet you feel bad for me." You mumbled to yourself. Cillian's head whipped around to look at you. "Why would I feel bad for you?" He asked.

"I don't know, maybe because you think I'm lonely." You said, now you were the one looking up at the night sky and Cillian was the one intensely looking at you. "I know you're not lonely."

"Then why?" You whispered.

You felt Cillian sigh and take your hand. He played with it, stroking it and tangling his fingers with yours. 

"I really like you. I realized after all this time, after so many years how fond I am of you. And I realize now just how lucky I am to be friends with you, I just can't really help myself touching you. I-you don't have to like me back, I can stop if you want." He said looking away from you to the sky. 

Your mouth hung open in shock, "Cillian, I-I like you too. I thought you would never like me."

Now both of you were finally looking at each other at the same time. Both being sucked into the others magnetic eyes.  

"How could I not? How could I not like you?" Cillian whispered.

Cillian slowly took the umbrella away from you and placed it next to both of you, allowing the rain to splash onto your skin and hair, quickly making both of you soaking. Cillian then, like a predator stalking its pray moved over you, gently pushing you onto your back. He reached down and guided one of your legs around his hips and immediately you hooked your other leg around his hip. His hands were on the ground on either side of your face. 

You could feel Cillian's warmth through his clothing. His simple black t-shirt, now wet was clinging to his body allowing his muscles to show through. You rubbed up to his forearms over his biceps and up to his shoulders. You allowed your hands to glide over the shaved sides of his head and tangle in his wet, unruly brown hair at the top of his head. 

He slowly, very slowly lent down until your lips were inches apart, you could feel the sensation of them hovering just above yours. You, finally getting annoyed with his teasing pulled him down to meet your lips. Allowing them to connect in a heated and passionate kiss. 

It was a like a kiss from the movies.

[looney-unicorn]

Islamophobia on my first day at placement...

My supervisor, another clinical psychologist and I were eating lunch in her office. It is necessary to note that they are both white and British. The other psychologist asked about a doctor and how they might recognise them on the ward. My supervisor told me to cover my ears as she was going to say something politically incorrect. She proceeded to describe the doctor as ‘someone who looks like a person you might see on the news following a terror attack’. Very clearly implying a racist and Islamophobic stereotype. I frowned and asked what that was supposed to mean. She said there were multiple doctors who looked alike on the ward and that was a way of distinguishing this one. I stated that I had a real problem with this, and she said ‘that’s why I told you to cover your ears.’ My experience was that this was said with an attitude of superiority. The other psychologist was sitting there and did not do or say anything. I experienced a number of emotions quite rapidly and made a decision not to pursue it further at that moment, for better or worse.

I immediately felt shocked, disappointed and hurt that a professional in authority over me, who I am supposed to learn from, had chosen to describe a colleague in this way and could not think of any other way to describe him. I did consider displaying these emotions outwardly and making more of an issue in the moment. However, I felt a little stunned into silence, quite threatened about the fact that the supervisor was clearly aware that what she was saying was not alright, and might upset me (just me, the brown Muslim. She didn’t say anything to the other psychologist) but did not appear to show any guilt or remorse over the statement and had then tried to justify it. 

I was also due to shadow her in clinic that afternoon and I felt that ultimately, I wanted and needed her on my side. Additionally, the situation at that moment wasn’t the most conducive to that conversation. Just after lunch and before a full clinic, I was not going to get her full attention and thought. Responding to someone from a place of immediate threat and hurt rarely ends well and I did not want to bias her against me, however in the right I may have been. If I had pushed the issue, I was sure she would respond professionally outwardly, but inside may well have become biased against me, however unconsciously. Putting her on the defensive would have meant she may never look at her behaviour with an attitude of openness. I have recognised that people are much more willing to examine and change their beliefs when they do not feel judged, threatened or attacked. I suppose having experiences of calling out racism made me a better psychologist in some ways. 

Calling someone out assertively requires careful forethought and planning, and I never do it until at least a day after the event, after I’ve slept on it. That allows me time to acknowledge my immediate feelings and express them in a safe environment and similarly organise my thoughts coherently and reflect upon the event. I think it is necessary and important to do this, because ultimately my goal is not to make someone hide their prejudices. My goal is to make the person question their prejudices. I want them to let go of these beliefs and behaviours, not hold on to them tighter. I want my supervisor to hear what I’m saying and go away and really think about her behaviour. As much as I have the right to be angry at her, however justified I might be in flipping out, making a formal complaint, demanding a different placement, etc etc, that isn’t what I want.  

Make no mistake, racism is something I do not tolerate and I am going to re-address the issue in a supervision session, two days from now. That will also allow for a written record of the event to be made. The bit that really bothers me though, is the fact that I have to do any of this at all. The burden is on all me. I had the emotional cost of holding in my true feelings in that moment. To smile and continue talking despite feeling completely blindsided. I have to think about how to cater to her feelings and ignore my own. I have to be ‘professional psychologist’ me. I have to do the work of reflecting and figuring out how I’m going to do the calling out in a safe way that achieves a goal. This is work I literally get paid to do with clients. To prepare for difficult conversations around others’ damaging beliefs and behaviours and attempt to help modify them. And I have to accept the possibility that, like with some clients, I may not make any difference at all.

I’m upset. I’m angry. I’m worried. Most of all, I’m tired of doing this.

[esteliensmainblog]

I just need to complain.  Today was mostly a really crappy day and I haven’t stopped to complain about it yet and it’s stressing me out because all the things keep running through my head.  It wasn’t even that awful, just annoying.

While typing this, it’s red-squiggly-underlining EVERY word I type until I get to the end of the word.  Definition.  Of.  Irritating.

Over the summer, I was used to sleeping about 12 hours per night, and now that school (work) has started again, I’m down to more like 8 hours.  That absolutely should be enough, but I’m so tired that I can hardly get up in the mornings.  Part of that is just having insanely vivid dreams (multiple per night, every night) and waking up sort of disoriented.  So I’m probably going to have to start going to bed super early so that I can get to work on time.   I was supposed to get up at 5:30 this morning and leave around 7:05, but I woke up at 7.

I hurried and was nearly ready to leave at 7:15, but as I did my makeup, I looked in the mirror and saw (and felt) a big, black spider (wolf? parson? idk) run (FAST) up the side of my NECK.  I freaked out and was dancing around trying to get rid of it, shaking out my hair (the biggest downside of long, curly hair is that things can hide in it), but couldn’t find it.  I assumed it was probably gone, but was still terrified.  A couple minutes later, it ran DOWN my leg from under my skirt.  I managed to kill it once it was on the floor.  Absolutely horrifying.  I don’t know if it bit me, but I was freaked out enough that I gave up on trying to be on time for work.  Did my eyeliner while driving and it went about as well as expected.  Badly.  It went badly.

When I leave a few minutes late for work, the traffic is awwwwwful.  And there was construction too, so I had to sit and wait for a long time.  So I didn’t get to work til 7:58 (supposed to be there for devotions at 7:45, so I missed that entirely), and I had to be at the other end of the building for bus duty at 7:59.  Threw my stuff in my room and ran to bus duty.  That mostly went smoothly, until this one parent got there.  It’s pretty straightforward how dropping off your kids at the school works.  Buses go to one parking lot, parents just dropping kids off at the door go to the other parking lot and line up, parents who want to walk their kids in park somewhere and walk to the office.  Easy peasy.  But for the second time, this mom drove into the bus line and tried to get her kids in that door.  So for the second time, I had to explain to her to go in the office door.  She was not happy.  It’s very not my problem (I don’t even get paid to do bus duty) and I don’t enjoy the attitude.

As always, I had to run from that end of the building back to my building (my room is about as far away from the buses as possible - it’s very very far) for my first period class.  Why they assigned this duty to someone with a first period class is beyond me.  Why not have the librarian (who is 20 feet from the door) do it?  So my first class always starts late.  I can just barely get there in time for it to start, but then have to turn on the computer, take attendance, and just generally get organized and catch my breath.  Classes are so short - I hate wasting time like that.

School was fine overall.  Classes all went smoothly.  French 3 wanted to learn about Mount St Michel (which is one of my favorite places in France), so we checked it out on Google Maps Street View and talked about it and one of the kids played the ukulele.  The seventh graders thought that listening to a grammar song would stink, but ten seconds into it, they were giggling SO hard.  One kid, who’s usually pretty serious, said he weirdly liked the grammar songs we were listening to and didn’t want class to end.  It’s always a little victory when the kids enjoy class, even if it’s something silly like Grammaropolis songs.

But then there was last period.  I was so excited to get to teach a French Exploratory elective for 7th-8th graders this year (for the first time) and I so wanted it to be good.  Today was the first day of it and... I absolutely BOMBED it.  I was exhausted and couldn’t think straight or say anything that made sense.  Like, I was listing reasons to study French and just couldn’t think of more than three, even though there are TONS and I’ve talked about them so many times before.  There were only three students and they’re all quiet and polite, so as I was just a mental mess (I don’t know how to describe it.. it’s kind of like the brain fog of a migraine? just unable to think or communicate, and wanting nothing more than to take a nap immediately), they all sat silently and stared at me.  Ack.  I needed the first day to go well so they’d tell their friends to join the class. I don’t think that’s gonna happen.  Tomorrow is the second day, too, so somehow, while being this tired, I have to put together a stellar second lesson that’s coherent and organized and fun.

And then after school, I was getting ready for tomorrow.  During the Friday spelling test, I always let the kids listen to music (like not individually but on my computer), and they create the playlist by suggesting songs they like.  Last year, it was a mix of really great music (contemporary Christian songs, Imagine Dragons, upbeat pop stuff) and silly songs (memes and Jacob Sartorius).  This year, I’ve only been able to add 3 of the songs they suggested so far: two Christian songs and... Baby by Justin Bieber.  That one I added very reluctantly, and it’s probably a joke.  The rest they suggested are VERY inappropriate.  I’ve never had that issue before????  So on the suggestion sheet, I marked those songs as not on the playlist and wrote “Y’all need Jesus.”  It was frustrating.  I’m going to just play some Christian music instead.

When I got home, one of my new flip flops broke, so I had to walk through the yard with one shoe on.

The one big positive today was that Chick Fil A left each teacher a card today for a free meal, so I went straight there after work and got a chicken sandwich.  Free food is one of few things that really help after a crappy day.

Another little positive is that not one but two students apologized today for separate things from yesterday.  One had been too noisy in my class and had to sit in the hall, so he promised he’d be good today (and he was! just very giggly!), and another had been upset about the dress code (though I didn’t think what she said was problematic in any way) and apologized for being rude.  They’re such sweet kids.  I guess at the end of the day, that’s the other thing that makes it less crappy.  They’re just all such good kids.

Adding another positive: Watching some Dan and Phil because they are just the best.

[stcrlghts]

Covetous (Part Four + a Mixtape)

Prompt: @ruth-hamilton-delrio requested “You can’t be jealous if we aren’t even dating! man up and ask me out if you’re going to act like that.” I wanna see your take on that, for Lin x reader” and I happily turned it into a slow burn, multiple part series fic.

The Mixtape: I made a very special playlist just for this fic! Please listen to it in order for maximum pain. 

Find the mixtape HERE! 

Author’s Note: Phew, this was a doozy to to finish! There’s so much pain and so much angst and just... wow in this part. I’m sorry it’s so long, but there’s so much I wanted to put into it and there was just no good stopping point except for where I stopped it. 

After this part, there’s only one more part!! We’re almost done, you guys. This journey has been so painful and long and I’m thankful for you for sticking with it and me! 

Words: 7,529 (I’M SORRY!!) 

Warnings: i don’t remember but i’ll put cursing, drinking, and hospital mentions just in case 

Tags: @ruth-hamilton-delrio @strongenoughfoundation @linslovelylocks @hamilbye (I made you your own character, love) @ourforgottenboleros @fragmentofmymind @constellationsniall @drawbloodwithmypen @apolypanperson @manuelmirandamn @sempiternal-mooses @always-blame-jefferson @nesthemonster @theoverlordofeverything @night-persona

Without further ado, enjoy the extra long pain! 

You were waving over a second round of drinks to the table you now shared with Lin, Ruth, and Sarah as your voice floated over the room, telling countless stories of your days with Lin as Ruth nodded, laughed, and frowned at the correct parts. Your drink had switched from whiskey to a red wine and Sarah still nursed the same drink she’d started with.

“Oh, and then there was this period during our sophomore year of high school when Lin would literally wake me up every day by screeching a Britney Spears song into the phone.” You laughed to punctuate the sentence, your mind whirling back to the days of carefree youth.

Lin chuckled, “It was usually One More Time or Oops.” You grinned in his direction, reveling in the infinite memories you shared with him. His eyes glimmered with the same nostalgia that your heart did.

Lin’s face was buried in his hands and he groaned. You smiled softly, enjoying his embarrassment. It was just another aspect of being his best friend and acting like his older sister. He had given up countering your stories already, knowing he couldn’t beat the truth. You watched as poor Ruth just tried to keep up. The stories weren’t lost on Sarah, who had experienced a lot of this first-hand when it had happened. She chimed in occasionally with her own anecdotes.

You shook your head, trying to clear the dizziness your glasses of wine were giving you, before starting on one of your favorite stories. “Then there was Spring Break of our senior year of university. Lin came up with this insane scheme to get us all out to California. He rented a car and packed all of us into it and we got to the coast around like four in the morning on like day two of our trip so we all just went to the store and bought sodas and chips and sat on the beach until the sun came up. We all just joked around and played poker until we saw the sun rising.”

Lin gave you a beam, remembering that day, “I had In The Heights by then and (Y/N) was stressed over getting into medical school and we all needed a break. It was the perfect vacation.”

Your expression grew shocked, “Until you almost got arrested, Lin!” Your exclamation was excited and Sarah started to laugh, recalling the incident. You glanced sideways at Ruth, regretting how left out she looked, but choosing to let it go. That’s what she got for stealing Lin from you. Or maybe that’s what the wine was saying.

Lin was the picture of wistfulness as you watched the look in his eye grow distant as he went back in time. 

“God, I forgot about that. What the hell did I do again?” He opened his eyes to glance back at you and you felt heat rising in your cheeks as you remembered what he had done. The table grew silent and still as people awaited your answer, but you were back in California.

Sarah coughed, finishing the story for you. “You see, these two,” She said, gesturing to you and Lin, who only silently grinned at each other, “They got a bit too drunk at a party that weekend and (Y/N) always has these spectacularly crazy ideas when she’s drunk. Her and Lin wandered off and found this mansion on the beach. No one was home and the front door was unlocked and their drunk brains thought it would be a good idea to go inside. And they did, but the owner came home a bit later and he turned out to be a detective. He almost had them arrested for trespassing, but (Y/N) was smooth and talked them both out of it.”

You were grateful she’d skipped over the juiciest part of the story and you could tell Lin was too by the way he took a deep breath when she finished. In the presence of Ruth, it probably wouldn’t be nice to mention that you and Lin didn’t notice the owner coming home because you were too busy kissing on the couch. It had been your first encounter with his lips and your last since then. You had vowed that he would be nothing but your best friend. You didn’t want to ruin what you had finally found, something you only wanted to cherish. You and Lin had never talked through what had happened that night and you were now wondering if that was why you felt like you had unfinished business together.

You downed the rest of your current glass of wine as Ruth spoke up. “So, how long have you all known each other?” She seemed uncomfortable, shifting her weight, avoiding eye contact, and swirling the drink left in her glass, and you suddenly felt guilty.

“Um, well Sarah joined the group when we were all in college. But Lin and I met when we were both children… so, god, twenty-five years?”  You tilted your head up to stare at the wall above Ruth’s head, avoiding her steady gaze. You caught Lin’s nod just before he took a drink of the same one he’d had the entire night. You suddenly realized how fuzzy your mind felt and how numb you had become to the scene around you, all of it seeming to function in a space where there was no time. You glanced over at Sarah and she caught your look, setting her drink down.

“I think we’re going to head out,” She said, nodding towards Lin, “Can you help me call a cab for her?”

Ruth jumped up to help, “I can call the cab.” Her enthusiasm made you smirk – she sounded so young, so naïve, of what she was trying to do. She didn’t understand any of what was happening before her and you hadn’t given her the chance to. You watched as Lin took her hand, stepping in front of her line of sight, talking slowly to her. A second later, she nodded, her hands playing with the hem of her dress as she watched Lin walk toward where you stood, leaning up against Sarah.

“I’ll take her from here,” He told Sarah and she surrendered, her hands flipped up, as she wandered away. Lin put his arm around your shoulders and you shivered from the warmth that spread over your body from his touch. Your jacket was only merely tossed over your shoulders and did nothing to guard from the cold as you walked outside. Lin kept you steady and guided you down the sidewalk, his free hand tucked into his front pocket as he watched his feet and the ground. You got so used to the silence that surrounded the two of you, the heat coursing from your bodies being pressed together at the side, that you nearly missed it when he spoke. Mumbled, really.

“I think we did this wrong,” He said, not moving his eyes from their focus on the sidewalk cracks.

“Did what wrong?” You responded, your voice hoarse and not daring to reach past a whisper. Was this the conversation you had wanted? Were you really going to have it when you had just had one too many glasses of alcohol?

“This, (Y/N). This.” His voice grew agitated, but he didn’t dare look at you for the fear he would break or, worse, fall even deeper in love with you. He had unhooked his arm from around your shoulders and you felt lost. You felt the void in your life, as if he was gone, and yet he stood right next to you.

“Tell me what you want.” He said, his voice shaking, the moment too tender to handle. You both struggled with the words on the tip of your tongue, wishing you could say what you really meant instead of hiding in false securities and endings you didn’t really want.

“I just want you to be happy.” You whispered, knowing the words were true in your heart, but wishing they didn’t mean what they did. You looked up at him now, reaching a hand out to touch his arm faintly, stopping him from walking away from you.

“Is that really it?” He said, his voice dripping with the nostalgia of missing you and the timid quietness of his love for you. A wisp of wind wrapped around you both and you felt a tear falling down your cheek. You reached up to wipe it away, but realized he had beaten you there. His thumb brushed it away and another one followed. You averted his strong gaze, forcing yourself to nod your head.

“That’s all I’ve ever wanted, Lin.” You told him, hoping he would understand that you only wanted it one way, but would be willing to deal with it if he truly got what he wanted in the end. You might lose the only man you ever remember loving, but you didn’t matter.

His hand dropped off of your face, tracing a faint line down your neck and landing on your shoulder. You trembled in the coldness dripping from the clouds hanging over your sad story and shuddered under his soft touch. He touched you as if you were a broken baby animal and he was the only person skilled enough to fix you. His touch sent waves through your body, emotions mixed as far as the eye could see, and heat spiraling up to your mind, setting fire to any coherent thoughts you had. Your hand moved itself, reaching up to flatten itself against his cheek. His eyes closed under your touch, giving you the answer to your silent question. You both moved swiftly then, your second encounter with his lips happening along with a white flash of lightening. His lips brushed yours, a kind caress, before landing firmly. You shuddered, relishing in what had danced on the edge of your visions for the past several days. Your bodies tugged and pulled at one another and you pushed closer to him, leaving no blank space in between where you fit together. You clicked together like puzzle pieces who had been searching for their missing half. His hands held your face firmly in place as he kissed you, his passion pressing deeper. You felt your blood turning to molten lava as fire overtook your body. Hunger took over where the fire didn’t and you weren’t surprised when Lin’s caused him to walk you backwards until your back touched a brick wall. Your arms stretched up, around his neck, as you separated briefly from him. Catching your breath, you took in his breathless smile.

“We shouldn’t have done that,” He whispered, his lips just inches away from yours. You gave a quiet laugh, not remembering where you were except for how you felt in his arms, wrapped up in the safety of what you had wanted all along. You bit your lip before he dipped his head forward for more. You inhaled sharply as he captured your lips again, stealing whatever smartass comment as been on the edge of them. You straightened up, your hands grasping at the back of his shirt as he kissed you, his mouth powerful and yours giving in to what he held over you, the magic that fueled the fire you both stood inside of. His hand reached back, flattening on your waist, pulling you flush against him. You were in the deep heat of passion when you heard your voice coming off the mouth of someone who wasn’t him. He groaned, pulling away from you, his eyes wild and locked on yours. You tried to calm yourself, but failed, settling instead for laughing breathlessly. He joined in, both of you in disbelief over your own actions.

You gave him a short smirk, “Remember that you started it,” you told him and he barely had time to laugh before Sarah burst around the corner. You turned your head to see her reaction and found her eyebrows raised, poised in a question as she glanced from you to Lin and back again. You stepped forward to talk to her, but hadn’t realized that your arms still hung around Lin’s neck and his hands still sat on your hips. Sarah coughed, her eyebrows rising higher as she gestured to the way the two of you were intertwined. You felt a blush rising on your cheeks, embarrassment winning out. Lin dropped his hands at the same time you dropped yours. Sarah, in the distance, gave a one-beat chuckle before walking forward. She glanced briefly at you, but focused her full attention on Lin.

“Ruth is looking for you,” she said, slowly, so he’d understand the full meaning of her words. She gave him a pointed look and he reached a hand up to run through his hair, ruffling it up again.

He turned to you, his cheeks also red and you couldn’t tell if it was from the cold or from the real reason. “I’m going to go take her home,” he told you, hitching his thumb over his shoulder in indication. You nodded and watched him go, wondering how he could kiss you and then walk back to her. How the hell his mind worked that way, that somehow, she was right and you didn’t get to be? Or maybe it was the other way around. Either way, you knew you’d wake up with regret in the pit of your stomach tomorrow morning.

You turned to Sarah and her arms came around you in a tight hug, tears welling in your eyes that you hadn’t even noticed before. You returned her hug, wishing you could erase the last few minutes, even if it was what you had desired. Sarah’s hand came up to smooth down your hair, her voice filled with tinges of sadness and regret for you.

“Oh, honey…” She whispered as you continued to cry, unable to stop the tears or the sadness from drilling a hole into your heart. As you watched the sky, the moon stared back, daring you to face up to what you gave in to tonight. The stars glittered in the sky, adding an effervescent happiness that reminded you of the twinkle you always sought to awaken in Lin’s eyes. You had to close your eyes to stop thinking of him, being held by Sarah in the middle of a dismal sidewalk as a vacant cold took over your body, the polar opposite of how you had felt just minutes earlier. You waited to pick your head up until your tears had dried on your face and, when you did, your head felt too heavy to handle, your mind spinning in directions you didn’t know existed. Sarah comforted you, reaching her hand out to pick up the lone cab that came in your direction. She steered you into the backseat, allowing you to rest your head on her shoulder. She whispered soft comforts as you became increasingly numb to the world.

Sarah directed the cab driver to your apartment and paid him when you arrived, then helping you out of the car and upstairs. You felt vaguely guilty for giving her this much to deal with and how much you were acting like a child, unable to take care of herself. You knew Sarah was selfless, more selfless than you could ever hope to be, and she wouldn’t think twice about helping you, but it bothered you as she took your purse to look for your keys. She unlocked your door and you walked limply inside. You heard Sarah ask you if you wanted tea and you remember nodding before walking off to your bathroom and starting up a hot shower. The boiling water fogged the mirrors in the bathroom, but did little to fight off the ice that now ran through your veins. This felt like shock, this felt like losing a family member, this felt like death. You didn’t like it, but you saw no way to stop it because that was how you felt.

When you walked back out to the kitchen, Sarah was pouring more steaming water into two mugs. You sat down across from her at your kitchen island on one of your barstools and she set one of the mugs in front of you. You wrapped your hand around it, hoping it would do something to help you gain feeling back. Sarah sighed and you winced, perceiving a hard conversation about to come next.

“You wanna tell me what happened back there?” She asked, her voice soft, but quietly demanding.

You looked down, your gaze somehow focusing on the contents of your mug, “I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do.” The demand stopped as she detected the hurt in your voice.

When you didn’t respond, she pressed, “Who instigated it?”

That, you knew the answer to. Or, at least the answer you wanted to be true. “He did.”

She nodded, “Did he talk about Ruth at all?”

You sighed, putting your head in your hands, “No.”

“She talked about him.” Sarah glanced at you, trying to read your expression, before continuing, “She really likes him, (Y/N). He’s all she can talk about.”

You groaned, but still had no coherent response. Silence filled the room before you felt Sarah come to your side, her hand on your shoulder.

“Hey, I just want you to know. You and Lin need to figure this out and tell Ruth what’s going on. You can’t not tell her – she cares so much for him, it would crush her if she knew…” She trailed off, knowing you could finish the thought on your own.

“I know, Sarah.” You sighed, taking a gulp of your drink, being punished by the burn of the scorching water.  

“I know you know, but I don’t think he does.” She sat down next to you, staring off into the same spot you were in the distant horizon.

“Yeah, I don’t think he gets it.”

“Maybe it hurts him too much to get it.”

You gave a sarcastic laugh, “Yeah, because a girl is the only one allowed to feel this way. Guys never get to deal with the emotions.” As you said it, you knew it was wrong and cruel. Lin had always been different, but the amount of pain you felt now made you feel justified to toss a few crude comments his way. You sat in silence with Sarah, downing your mug of tea while hers sat untouched. You were both chagrinned, your attitudes silently questioning and raging at the same time. You both knew Lin, or you thought you did. What he had done tonight didn’t make sense, no matter which way you looked at it. It didn’t add up with his personality. At 1 AM, you got up from your seat. Sarah looked startled, having been about to wander off into sleep-land. You washed the tea stains from your mug and your brain was wired back into work mode, all pain having been forgotten, never to be dealt with properly. You had more important matters to deal with.

You braced your hands against the countertop and sighed, “Sarah, you can stay here tonight if you need to. If you want. But my parents are arriving in exactly… eight hours.”

She nodded, passing her mug over to you and getting up to start making her place on the couch. She’d slept over at your apartment so many times, it felt like a second home to her. But she only usually took the couch because Lin took the guest bedroom. When you saw her in the living room, you shook your head.

“You can take the guest bedroom tonight.” You spoke up and she glanced at you before coming back to the kitchen. She drew you away from the kitchen sink and pulled you into her embrace, giving you a final hug. She pulled back, looking you squarely in the eye, a question there for you to answer.

“I’m okay. Promise.” You told her and she separated, walking off down the hallway to the bedroom that had never been hers before. When you heard the door shut behind her, you sighed, already tired from five minutes of acting like you had everything together. Your body fell to the floor, but no tears came. You had run out of sorrow and only had shock left to conquer. After shock would come anger and, after that, you’d be able to function again. All you wished was that you could get through all of these emotions in this single night.

You fought to make it to your bedroom, but you did little else than fall asleep on top of your comforter when you got there. With the soft linen pressed against your cheek, it reminded you of how soft Lin’s jawline felt after he shaved. You felt the deep, gaping hole in the pit of your stomach, swallowing you until you were surrounded in darkness that you could not escape. Your thoughts were filled with his voice, the murmurs of a love lost, a love given up, a love you couldn’t return to. Your last hope was that you’d survive the next day.

___________________

A brisk knock on your front door woke you up. You groaned, turning your head, but not lifting it for fear you’d shatter your fragile exhaustion. The sound came again and you were about to push yourself off of your bed when you heard someone else’s footsteps racing down the hall. You stopped moving to listen, growing eerily quiet and still. You remembered that Sarah had slept over and relaxed, knowing it would just be her and her insane early rising hours. You heard a more insistent pounding on the door and then heard Sarah’s annoyed sigh, her call that she’d get it. You heard her open the door a second later and then nothing but silence for a heartbeat or two. And then…

“No, you can’t come in here!” You heard her frantic running after someone else who, presumably, had burst in and come down the hall… towards your bedroom.

Shit.

You didn’t want visitors. Especially not when you looked this disheveled. But, by the sounds of Sarah’s panting and chasing, the visitor wasn’t stopping. Time slowed as you heard a hand placed on your door knob and the click of your door being opened. You didn’t move, hoping that you’d sink into the bed and be swallowed whole before you had to face anyone. And though you wished it with all your might, it didn’t happen because you were greeted with exasperation and neediness a moment later.

“(Y/N)!”

Oh, crap.

“I told you, you can’t come in here!” Sarah countered Lin’s shouting and he just gave an infuriated sigh, pushing past her.

“I have to talk to her.” He said and you just wished you didn’t exist. Not only was your hangover headache raging in your head, but now you were faced with a situation you wished you could escape. You groaned as their voices grew louder, pressing a hand softly to your ear to somehow stop your throbbing head from getting worse. As Lin grew more insistent and Sarah only tried to protect you, you felt like someone was pounding a hammer into your skull, breaking it apart to cut open your brain as you were submissive to the agony in your heart, soul, and head.

“Would the both of you just shut the hell up?!” Your exclamation shocked everyone in the room – Sarah, Lin, and yourself. An eerie quiet grew over the room, the polar opposite of how it had been just seconds before. You swore you heard a cricket somewhere in the room. You still hadn’t bothered to get out of bed and realized now it was too late to pretend you didn’t exist.

You heard Lin’s fidgeting, his weight shifting from foot to foot. Sarah’s maddened breathing had slowed, her anger simmering down. When you finally lifted your head off of your bed, you caught glances of the both of them. Sarah stood silently, but her annoyance showed in her stance. Despite what felt like an early start to the day, she was dressed as if she’d been up for hours. Perhaps she had. Her dark hair was up in a loose bun, a few stray tendrils falling down into her face as she kept trying to push them back. She wore cropped jeans, the hem hitting just at her ankle. The faded color was the only attribute that showed their age as you noticed they fit her as perfectly as the day she’d bought them. She had on a loosely flowing white t-shirt that stopped just at the button of her jeans, both casual but nice enough for a day out. You groaned inwardly when you realized how put-together she looked and remembered what a mess you must have seemed, still outfitted in your clothes of the night before.

Your gaze gradually shifted to Lin, as it usually did. He looked as messy as you felt. His hair was disheveled, as if he’d run his hands through it a thousand times. Stray locks of nearly black hair swept onto his forehead and he did nothing to brush them away. Stubble was beginning to form around his mouth and on his cheeks. He had on an old black sweatshirt, the sleeves pushed up as he folded his arms over his chest. His stare seemed to be vacant, focused on something not in this room, on a memory no one else could reach. You found yourself wishing you knew what he was thinking, what thoughts coursed through his brain on the train that raced around his mind.

You sat up on your bed, pressing a hand to your head, feeling your hair still in its updo from the night before. You took a moment to undo it, flipping your hair over to fluff it out. You sighed, looking back at the two people in front of you while putting your hair tie back on your wrist.

“Sarah, thank you for trying to protect me, but I can handle him on my own.” She nodded, already backing out of the room and closing the door behind her, sealing you and Lin into privacy. You took a deep breath, bracing your hands on the edge of your bed, before addressing him.

“You’re up early.” You remarked, unable to help yourself from avoiding the topic at hand.

He stepped closer, daring to sit next to you on the bed. You felt the mattress sink under his added weight and calmed yourself.

“We need to talk,” he said and you only narrowed your eyes. Was he about to treat this like you were the one in the wrong?

“I’d say we do, Lin.” You took the silence as an opportunity to stand up, putting one hand on your waist, the other running through your hair. You guessed you and Lin shared that same nervous tick.

For the first time that morning, you locked eyes with him as he looked up at you.

“(Y/N), what we did was wrong.” His voice was soft as not to disturb you.

“You mean, what you did was wrong. You fooled me into that, Lin.” Your voice already blazed with the embers of the flame that had long been extinguished.

He sighed, reaching a hand up to run it through his hair, but thinking better of it and setting the hand limp on his thigh. “You made me think you wanted it.” His voice was a whisper now and you could barely believe what you were hearing.

“Lin, we both know what happened. You’re about to enter into a healthy, stable relationship with a great girl, but you can’t do that. You want to know why you can’t do that?” You watched as your stinging words landed on his skin and he became increasingly hurt. Nonetheless, you continued, “You can’t move on because you’ve never just lived up to the fact that we’re in love with each other. And have been for years.”

His head was hanging down and you avoided looking at him for fear it would break you. In your heart, you knew you were to blame. You had wanted him to realize he needed you since he met Ruth. But it was more than that – you had been in the middle of healing, in the middle of forgetting him, in the middle of trying to want the best for him. He had taken that moment of healing and used it to get the last thing he needed from you – he needed one more chance to see what you offered before he left you for someone he knew he was going to choose all along. At the start of this, you had promised you’d be someone’s first choice and only that much. If he could use you and have you, but not choose you, he didn’t deserve you. It had been your own fault, really – that this had happened. You and him had been in love for so long, but had hidden it for phony reasons. If you had just owned up to it, you wouldn’t have had to realize it at this wrong moment, for things to explode like this.

Back in the present, Lin tried to speak, but you held up your hand to stop him, your mouth still trying to form your thoughts.

“You know what you’re going to do now, Lin?” You asked of him, his mouth still open from being cut off before he’d started to talk.

He was hesitant, but he replied, “What?”

“You’re going to pick up your phone and you’re going to call Ruth. You’re going to choose her, Lin. Not only because that’s what you were going to do this whole time, but also because that’s what I’m telling you do to. And you’re going to tell her everything that happened between us last night. Whatever feelings you had, whatever it was. You’re going to promise her it won’t happen again, that you’re hers if she’ll have you. And whatever she decides, you’ll deal with. Do you understand that, Lin?” You pinched the bridge of your nose through your speech, trying to focus on the layout of the planned actions. You hoped he was listening because it would only be a pain if he wasn’t.

You watched him nod, his demeanor quiet like a mouse, but timid like a child. Before he tried to speak again, you still continued.

“And you’re going to leave and do that. I’m going to shower and get dressed and have a nice, relaxed weekend with my family.” You and Lin both knew any weekend with your family couldn’t be relaxed, but you could pretend. Just like you could pretend to be okay with what you were telling him to do. Deep down, your heart still ached to this to end like a fairytale – a swell of music as he said he regretted not choosing you in the first place and birds singing as he kissed away any leftover fears. But you knew better.

You sighed, avoiding his gaze, pointing a hand in the direction of the door. “You can go. I need to get dressed.”

“When shall we reconvene?” He stood with a hand on the door, his eyes guarded behind a mist of questioning.

“Monday morning. I’ll call you.” You told him, suddenly wishing Monday didn’t come for fear you wouldn’t be able to handle what you had done.

You had your back to the door, but you heard his quiet footsteps as he walked out, shutting the door behind him. Giving a deep breath to soothe your nerves, you began to move forward, preparing for your family’s visit. Starting up the hot water in your shower, you were crossing the room back to your closet when you heard a soft rap on the door.

“Come in.” You called out, your voice smoother when released from the stress. You saw Sarah step cautiously into your room out of the corner of your eye. She walked, following you, into the closet as you swiped through your rack of dresses. You glanced up at her and noticed she looked nervous. You knew what she here to say in an instant and stopped her before she had even started.

“No, this isn’t your fault, Sarah. You didn’t make this happen, you didn’t make me feel those things, you didn’t make him do what he did.” You shook your head softly, hoping she would realize that it would have happened eventually, whether she’d made you go out that night or not. She nodded, biting her lip, and you sighed, pulling her into a tight hug. As much as she had been there for you, you saw it as your job to return the favor. You held her until she stepped back, a smile surfacing on her features as she dragged a hand by all of your clothes.

“Looking for something?” She asked and you stepped back to give her a full view of your dress, knowing you needed her fashion expertise.

“A dress for my family.” Sarah’s brows furrowed as she raked her eyes over your options and you were grinning as you watched her pluck a few out to examine them further. She pulled ones she liked and draped them over her arm, a soft hum starting under her breath.

You recognized that tune.

“Sarah.” You broke her from her trance and she glanced up.

“Is that from Hamilton?”

She stopped humming in an instant, “Uh, yes?”

You laughed, waving it off, “Just checking. That’s what it sounded like.” You were trying to be happy, you were trying to forget and have a good day for as long as you could manage.

She gave you a short grin before glancing down at the clothes over her arm. She extended them to you and you paused before reaching to take them.

“Pick one of those.” She said before exiting the closet, expecting you to follow. You did as you were directed, glancing only once at the dresses now in your arm. Sarah took the dresses back off of your arm and spread them out on your bed. She directed you to sit in your desk chair and she continually glanced between you and the dresses. You looked at the options and were thankful she was with you to help. She’d selected three final contenders – a simplistic white sundress with cutouts on the hemline, an A-line dark blue dress that hit at your knees and slimmed your frame, and a blue and white floral print maxi dress. Sarah sighed before reaching down to pick up the blue A-line. She handed it to you and pushed you into your bathroom to change. As you shut the door, she called through it.

“When you’re dressed, I’ll do your hair and makeup. We’ve got like an hour until they get here.”

You smiled, “What would I do without you?”

You heard her laugh as she left the room, her voice reaching back to you before she disappeared completely. “You’d show up to functions in the wrong clothes.”

Twenty minutes later, you had washed off last night, cleaned the sins from your hair, and zipped yourself into the dress. You stared at your reflection in the mirror, finding nothing but limp, wet hair and eyes glazed over with sleep and a mixture of emotions you couldn’t even begin to name. Where your sparkle used to be, there was only dullness. You hoped it would return soon because you didn’t like not recognizing yourself in the mirror.

A soft knock broke you from your thoughts and you heard Sarah enter the bathroom, “Honey? You ready?”

You spent the minutes Sarah spent fixing your hair up thinking to yourself, hoping things were going the way you had advised Lin. You hoped he was finding his way, finding Ruth and the way he made her feel. He had looked so joyous before you had crashed his time with her last night and you only wanted to see him like that, even if you were left in the past. At least you could live knowing you had been a part of him finding his pleasure.

When Sarah finished your hair, she had decided to forgo makeup and you were more than glad for that choice. The redness around your eyes had cleared up and your skin actually looked clear and pale, like your childhood porcelain doll. You were too busy looking at your hair, which Sarah had done into a fishtail braid down your back. Somehow, she’d turned you from hurricane to soft tropical breeze. You looked youthful, the stress lines on your face long forgotten. Just as you were finishing up, there was a loud knock on the front door of the apartment that startled you from your thoughts.

You glanced up at Sarah, who nodded, a sign you took to stand up. You felt your heart heavy, beating double-time in your chest. You knew the people outside that door, you had grown up with them, you loved them more than you would ever love someone else. Yet, they scared you. The constant need to impress, to show them how well you had turned out. You wanted nothing more than for them to say they were all proud of you – of who you had become, of the paths you had taken. The trying and anxiety were tiring, but coping with disappointment would be worse.

You left your bedroom knowing you looked somewhat rested and put a smile on your face that soon became real when you opened the front door. You were greeted with more greetings than one could handle at once and even more smiles than words. You glanced as your family entered your small apartment, counting not only your mother and father, but your brother, Aiden, and sister-in-law, Natalie.

You were swept up in a hug by your mother and you closed your eyes, breathing in the familiar smell of fresh baking and her favorite perfume. Her hair was cut into a straight bob that ended just above her shoulders and she had insisted on trying to keep her hair brunette, but her grey was rapidly taking over. She had her glasses on and she looked distinguished, this woman who had shown you what it meant to be a woman and be a strong one.

You were wrapped up by your father next and this felt like the home you missed. He smelled always like mint and his shaving cream and it took you back to your childhood. He had gained a bit of weight in the last few years due to your mother’s never-ending baking. He was comfortable and you held him for longer than normal, soaking up all the hope and love he gave you.

When you were released from your hugs, you sought to find your brother, who had wandered off into the kitchen with his wife. His wife, your sister-in-law, who you were convinced was your long-lost twin. Not only did you look alike, but your personalities were so similar, you almost thought on the same wavelength. She caught your eye and waved you over, hugging you in a different way from everyone else, squeezing you. You savored the coziness of her hug and how she seemed to understand your pain even if she didn’t know of it.

You heard your brother’s deep, vibrant laugh and smiled, “Okay, Nat. Let me see my little sis.” He told his wife and she obliged, stepping back while she bit back a laugh of her own. Your smile grew too large to hide as you and Aiden didn’t hug, but exchanged your special handshake. It had been created in two years and taken another extra year to master, but you never greeted each other without using it. You were both laughing by the time you finished and your mother and father had joined you. Standing in your kitchen, surrounded by your family, reminded you of why you loved these moments so much. You desperately wished someone could capture the unadulterated joy as you all laughed with, and at, each other on film so you could keep it forever.

You suddenly remember Sarah, hoping she hadn’t been ignored. If she was around, she would’ve been noticed because she was basically a part of your family. Just like Lin was, but you hoped no one would ask about him.

You looked around, spotting Sarah sitting at your counter bar. You got her attention and waved her over. Your family swallowed her up when they saw her and you laughed, beaming as you watched her keep them busy and relieve you from your job of it. You began to walk away from the crowd, but you felt a hand on your wrist. You looked back to see Natalie’s hand stopping you, her eyes questioning. She knew you were changed, just like you knew something was different about her. You nodded over towards your living room, inviting her to sit and offering a quiet place to talk. She followed you, releasing your wrist.

Once you both had sat across from each other, she started, “How are you?”

“Quite a cordial question for someone who can practically read my mind.”

She gave a short grin before it was replaced by weightiness, “Not today, I can’t. You’re hiding something and you only hide things from me when talking about them would hurt you too much to bear.”

You became cautious. Natalie had excelled at her college psychology class and you wondered if she was using anything she had learned on you now. “…Correct.”

She leaned closer to you, her voice dropping an octave lower, “This might be news to you, (Y/N), but sometimes talking about it, no matter how painful, will help you in the end.”

You sighed, unable to stand your ground from someone who knew you as well as she knew herself, “It’s Lin.” Your voice was seconds away from breaking, but you told yourself that wasn’t an option.

She leaned back, her face showing a recognition, “Ah. What happened?”

You averted her gaze, “He got himself a girlfriend.”

“Any normal person wouldn’t understand your problem with that, but you know I do. Did you not tell him in time?” She was referring to saying you loved him. You almost regretted how well she could tell what you were thinking.

“I never did actually tell him. It just... happened. Without the proper words.”

She sighed, “What did happen?”

You made yourself comfortable in your seat, glancing over to see your family making themselves at home in your kitchen, pouring wine and reheating the food they’d brought with them. None of them dared a look in your direction and you were satisfied. Knowing you had Natalie to yourself, you told her the story of the night before – the coincidental run-in, the kiss, the tears, and the confrontation this morning. She nodded along, her expressions hidden for the sake of your mental health. She knew you were already tearing yourself up enough, she didn’t need to pass her judgement.

When you finished, she reached for you, pulling you into a tighter hug than she had given earlier. You felt your bones crushing inwards, but you knew it was really the pain of healing.

When she backed away from the hug after a long few moments, she looked you in the eye, “You told him the right thing. He can’t play games with you, or any girl. He needs to know where you stand and he needs this time to figure out where he stands. You did nothing wrong. All you did was fall in love and sometimes that’s the greatest punishment of all.”

You nodded, tears starting to well in your eyes, “If I did nothing wrong, why do I feel like I’m breaking inside? Why do I feel like I’ve ruined something that can’t be fixed again?”

“Sweetie, sometimes that’s just you punishing yourself. If he realizes you’re worth having in his life, which you are, he’ll be back. All you can is be happy for him and work on being happy with yourself.”

You took a deep breath and pushed a smile back on your face, gently wiping your hands over your eyes to dry the tears. Natalie hugged you once more before you both made your way back to the kitchen, the family welcoming you back with shouts and jokes.

The rest of the night was spent in the midst of laughter, playfulness, and healing. Your mother’s cheesecake soothed your soul, filling up cracks and your brother’s low timbre of his laugh that filled you to the brim with happiness. As you all settled down for the night, your brother and Natalie sharing the large couch and your parents in the guest bedroom, Sarah having gone home for the evening, you couldn’t imagine a life without this endless contentment.

You’d survived day one without him. The rest were going to be tests of your character and strength.