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hyunjilicious · 4 years ago

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a helping hand [henry cavill] - part 2

A/n: I’m sorry it took me so long. I don’t like how this part turned out, at all, but I rewrote it 3 times and I can’t even think about these scenes anymore without getting annoyed. I’m just happy it’s finished and that I can start working on part 3 (that is, if you like this one enough to want to keep reading lol)

Summary: After you post on onlyfans a video starring another man, Henry decides to take matters into his own hands. (cameo: Steve Rogers) KINKY 4k

Warnings: spanking, daddy kink, dirty talk, mentions of smut and masturbation (male), humiliation/degradation kink, groping, mentions of porn and filming pornographic material, stalker-ish/obsessed Henry. (also tumblr crashed when I first tried to upload this so maybe that a sign this sucks)

You can read part 1 here!

The sight brought down a storm upon Henry's mind. He stood there, mouth agape, watching the screen, unable to believe his eyes. It was one thing to post videos of yourself on the Internet, but to have someone else take part in them was too much. At least for Henry. Still smart and composed, he realised there wasn't anything he could do about it, but nevertheless, he was determined to not let this shit slide for much longer.

As much as he wanted to hunt down that man who dared put his hands on you, Henry gathered himself, took a deep breath and closed the onlyfans page. He was perfectly aware that just the right amount of you could get him to lose his sense of control and do things he'd later regret. Still, in desperate need to see you, he grabbed his phone, eyes scheming over your socials, only to see that the last time you had been active was 7 minutes ago. So, without much consideration, he started typing.

"You up?"

"Yep. Finishing up an essay. Coffee in 30??"

Oh, and how deeply that hurt him. "Of course" he sent you, and then checked again the post you made at 3am. '...I'll go to sleep right now, edit it for you when I wake up...'

You were lying? Why were you lying to him? It drove him insane. Henry felt like he couldn't sit down anymore, like he had no chance to catch his breath. He couldn't think straight, so he wasn't really to blame for what he did next.

Henry's fingers flew over the keyboard, accessing Facebook and logging into your account, desperate to see whether he could find out who the man in your video was. And it was as easy as it could've been, considering your last 5 conversations were with the girl friends he already knew about. But somewhere among them, he spotted an unfamiliar name - Steve R., and instantly clicked and opened the conversation. His blood started to boil when the multitude of emojis you sent reached his eyes, but he scrolled up, until he found the beginning of yesterday's conversation.

It was started by you, and with a request. You were blunt and went straight for it, asking him with just one message to be in the video with you. There was no trace of your relationship with him on the Internet, so Henry had no idea regarding the nature of yours and Steve's connection. Judging by the way you addressed him, he could easily assume the man was nothing more than a fuck buddy. Even though it angered him, Henry kept his calm and decided to go about this with care. It would only be a matter of time until he removed Steve from your life. But for now, he just had to keep digging for information.

Steve R.: "Exactly what do you need me to do, baby? Spank you? In front of the camera? Are you serious?"

"Yes, Steve. Come on!! I know we haven't seen each other in a while, but still... 😇 when it comes to these things, you know me better than anyone"

Henry scoffed. Who the fuck was this guy?

Steve R.: "I know, baby"

Steve R.: "What's in it for me?"

Smoke came out of Henry's ears, and the fact that you acted so sweet and innocent made him want to smash his keyboard.

"Whatever you want! Just do this for me!!! Please!!!! 🥺😊😋"

Steve R.: "Ofc I'll do it, sweetheart. I got you"

"Thank you thank you thank you 😘"

Steve R.: "I should be the one to thank you"

Steve R.: "Send me the location and I'll be over there asap"

After that, your address followed and then that was it. Determined to dig deeper, Henry started to scroll up again, wanting to find out as much as he could about this mysterious man. He didn't get a chance to lurk too much before this computer alerted him of a notification, the onlyfans tab glowing orange. His attention was instantly won, smiling devilishly as he checked the content.

Posted 30 seconds ago, was the new video. Ready to kick back and enjoy, Henry pressed the play button, ready to go at it with an open mind.

He reluctantly accepted the fact that there was another man in it with you, but he decided to enjoy it nevertheless. The video started, displaying Steve seated on the couch, thighs suggestively parted. He had a pair of black dress pants on, dangerously stretched over his massive thighs. A white, elegant shirt hugged his visibly sculpted torso, the top two buttons undone to show just a hint of chest hair. Quite a sight, but all Henry saw was trash. With his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, a silver watch on his wrist and a pinky ring on, Steve patted his thigh, cueing your entrance.

When Henry saw you, he felt his breath reach a new, sudden level of difficulty. With the shortest of skirts barely managing to cover your ass and a mostly see-through shirt on your top half, you made your way to him in such an angelic way that Henry couldn't believe his eyes.

You looked like happiness personified, and it came in such a painful contraction to what you were about to do, that it twisted Henry's mind in such a perverse way, his cock nearly twitched just by seeing you.

When you were about to bend over Steve's thigh, he grabbed your chin and stopped you mid action, his lips slamming against your as his free hand lewdly caressed your ass. He flung the skirt over your hips, your flimsy underwear on full display.

Attentive to the events unfolding on the screen, Henry found his cock, teasingly rubbing it over the material of his pajama pants. His mouth watered when he felt the sensibility in his tip, actually believing this would be easier than he initially anticipated.

"Are you going to be Daddy's good little girl, or do I have to make this fucking hurt?" Steve asked and Henry almost threw up.

"Yes, Daddy. I'll be good" you mewled, wiggling your feet.

"Let's see" the man menacingly chuckled, releasing a sharp slap against your ass that made you yelp out in pain.

At this point, about 30 seconds in that was, Henry was already losing his mind. It was as if you took a trip inside his dreams and decided to play out his fantasies. The only problem was that you did it with another man. It was next to impossible for him to keep this going.

"Can you count?" Steve taunted, his hand traveling all over the back of your thighs, your exposed ass and between your legs.

"Yes, Daddy" you eagerly nodded and Henry almost threw up.

"I wouldn't be surprised if a dumb slut like you didn't know how to" Steve chuckled, "But it's ok, that's how we like our girls. Dumb and pretty"

"Thank you, Daddy"

Henry couldn't believe his eyes. He refused to accept the fact that a random man got to play with your innocence like that. You were his sweet little girl. And if until now he pushed through heroically, when literal yelps of pain started erupting from your lips as the blonde man slapped your ass hard enough to rock your whole frame, Henry's blood ran cold.

But no matter how hard the jealousy had hit him, the video was still pushing his limits of self control. It was still what he always wanted to see. When he reached inside his pants and grabbed his cock, a low grunt of early satisfaction left his lips. He once again found himself picturing you, willing to please him, but this time, he didn't get to go too far. The buzzing sound of his doorbell rang through his apartment, and he never stood up faster.

Cock still hard and completely visible through his pants, Henry slapped the pause button and minimized the browser, before springing to his feet and rushing to the door.

"Henry!" you exclaimed as soon as he came into view. He looked somehow tired, but it was easy to tell there was something else bothering him. "You didn't answer your phone" you pouted.

"Yeah, sorry" he shook his head, a few sweaty curls falling against his forehead. "I was busy with something. What's up?"

You raised your eyebrows and pointed to the door of your apartment, "You said you'd come over? Coffee? Remember?"

"Oh, shit, yeah" Henry cringed, rubbing his forehead. "I'll be over in 10 minutes, that ok?"

"Sure" you beamed, completely oblivious to the way he just tried to get rid of you. With utter nonchalance, you pushed your way past him and strolled into the kitchen.

"You wanna wait here?" he muttered.

"Yeah... Is that a problem? I can leave..."

"No, no" Henry eventually sighed and rushed over to you. He cupped your cheeks and kissed your forehead. "Wait here, I'll be right back"

And that was what you did. You silently sat down, grabbing a bag of chips you found laying around, and settled to wait. And maybe, a few seconds passed where nothing devious came to mind, but as time ticket itself away, boredom got to you. First you stood up, and padded to the hallway, looking around. There was almost nothing new over there, but it still felt so homey you absolutely loved to inspect every detail. The TV in the living room was turned off, a couple of pizza boxes on the floor and his DVD cases laying around - absolutely nothing interesting.

You sighed and plopped down on his couch, folding your legs under your body, ready to flip through the channels on TV until he'd decide to join you. Nothing seemed of interest, being bombarded with news and fishing programs. "Old man" you thought to yourself, before opening up the menu in search for something less depressing. A wave of nostalgia hit you when you came across a Spiderman marathon, and you were done for. Maybe one full episode passed until Henry walked out of the bathroom, but you were nowhere near ready to leave.

"Look what's playing!" you beamed, pointing to the screen. Henry raised his eyebrows in amusement, his shoulders shaking as he softly laughed at your unusual choice of entertainment.

"Are you serious? Cartoons?"

"Yes!" you scoffed, extending your arms and gesturing for him to join you. Although reluctant at first, Henry agreed to sit and watch the show with you, but not before brewing some coffee first.

When he returned from the kitchen, two steaming mugs in tow, you shuffled to the side and welcomed him on the couch. He brought you close against him, draping his arm around your body. With your head resting on his shoulder, you sipped your coffee, eyes glued to the TV. "You seriously never watched these as teen? You were 11 when it came out."

"I did" Henry laughed, rubbing his hand up and down your side, "I was in love with Felicia Hardy"

"MJ was so much better!" you shook your head disappointed, "You have no taste"

"No need for that" Henry threatened, his fingers exploring their way down your body. The way he trailed his hand across your hips and thighs made you squirm, smiling to yourself as you shuffled closer to him.

Henry was more than happy to reciprocate, kissing your forehead and squeezing you tighter.

And just like that, you didn't care about Spiderman anymore. You flung your leg over Henry's lap, all but crawling on top of him. The episode was still playing in the background, but none of you was paying attention anymore. Henry wrapped his muscular arms around your frame, eliciting a soft moan from your lips as you pushed your hips down against his thigh. His hands traveled lower, exploring your body with delicate but greedy strokes.

As you let yourself get carried away with absolutely no worry in mind, Henry knew exactly what he was doing. And considering how easily you let your guard down, he had you right where he wanted.

When you hid your face in the crook of his neck, your nose rubbing across the slope of his collarbone, Henry's right hand found your ass. You froze for a second, but his gentle caress helped you relax again in an instant. With his lips against the top of your head, he allowed his fingers to sink into your flesh. Your whole frame stiffened as you gathered a handful of his hoodie into your fist.

"What's wrong?" Henry cooed, grabbing your chin, "You ok?"

"Yep" you whimpered, and then winced again as he squeezed your ass once more. "I'm good-" you lied, cupping the side of his neck into your palm as you crawled higher up his body, your lips right against his ear.

As weak as he was for you, Henry stood his ground. If you wanted to play this game, he'd do it, but he wouldn't let you win.

"Does this hurt?" he asked, roughly groping your ass.

Jumping slightly from the pain, you still managed to shake your head, blurting out another lie. "... no"

"What about this?" Henry teased, grinning widely as he shoved his hands inside your leggings, under your panties.

The urgency of his touch made your eyes open wide, your back arching as you tried to push yourself off of him.

"Does it hurt, darling?" he continued, keeping you in place with ease.

Defeated, you sighed and lowered your gaze, "A bit" you mumbled.

"Just a bit?"

"Henry-"

"Did he fuck you good?"

Your mouth fell open. "What- no, I didn't- we didn't do anything-"

"Didn’t do anything?" Henry grinned, his perfect teeth showing as he proudly pried information out of you.

"I just... fuck-"

Seeing no way out of this one, and eager to stop hiding, you pushed yourself back. Henry's hands left your body as you sat beside him, and he watched you curiously, patiently waiting for you to word your thoughts. "I just filmed a video for my page, that's all" you bowed your head.

"What kind of video?" Henry questioned.

His demeanour was so relaxed, he was right in his element, unlike you, who were riled up to the extreme. "A spanking video-" you cleared, awkwardly fidgeting with the hem of your shirt.

"Did he spank you good?"

His hand found your hips again, and you leaned into his touch, nodding your head yes as you were too embarrassed to actually word your answer.

"Then show me"

He was dominant and stern, and even if you wanted to, you felt like saying no wasn't an option. Henry didn't wait for your permission as he grabbed your waist and pulled you up to your knees, chuckling softly to himself when he saw you shyly smile down at him.

His fingers curled around the waistband of your leggings, forcefully pulling them down your thighs. "Come on" he urged you, softly guiding you to lay down across his lap, your ass barely covered by the pinkish and slightly unflattering underwear you had chosen for the day.

Henry's breathing picked up at the sight, and so did yours. You watched him over your shoulder, his fingers tracing over the bruises Steve left on your bum the night before.

"Henry-?" you whimpered, the anticipation building up in the pit of your stomach becoming too much to bear.

"Yes, darling?" he cooed, leaning down to the side to kiss your cheek. His stumble tickled your skin and you whimpered when his hand made its way between your legs.

You felt his fingers against your opening and involuntarily clenched your thighs around him, hiding your face in the cushions of below your head.

"Tell me" Henry pushed, teasing your folds and clit over your underwear.

"Nothing, I-" you cried, making him chuckle.

He loved giving you a taste of your own medicine. He straightened himself up and grabbed your ass into his hands, squeezing until you yelped out in pain. A soft laughter of approval escaped his throat as he bent down and pressed his lips to one of your cheeks, applying lingering kisses over each and every single bruise.

The way he took control of the situation and handled your body, turned you on to no end. For whatever reason, being exposed like that for him, waiting for any kind of judgement to leave his lips, you were getting more and more riled up by the second. You were done for. You did your best not to moan with need, but little did you know that was exactly what kept you from being thrown onto the floor and fucked into oblivion. Just one single sign was all you needed in order to break his self control, but you didn’t have it in you to do it.

But he didn’t say anything, instead just keeping you on your toes as he had his way. You were dripping through your underwear, and judging by the bulge in his pants that pushed up against your belly, you knew he was on the same page as you. But again, he didn’t allow things to go further. Everything about this moment pointed in the right direction - the teasing, the touching, you were all but whimpering in his lap, but he cut the moment short with a sharp slap against your ass before he helped you up. Henry acted as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened as he pulled your leggings back up, but this glare became colder when he found your eyes.

He bent down and spoke into your ear, "He could've done a better job"

Completely under his spell, you bit your lip and furrowed your eyebrows. "I don't think I would have been able to take any more"

"That's not what I said" Henry shook his head.

"Look at you being an expert" you teased, relishing in the fact that he seemed eager to keep things going.

"All I'm saying is that if you had asked someone else-" Henry laughed, stroking your cheek, "Things would have turned out much more different"

"Oh" you pouted, ready to tease him further. "Who should I have asked-"

Just when you started getting comfortable and confident enough to push things further, Henry's phone rang. "I don't have to take that" he shook his head when he heard you stopped talking.

"Just see who it is" you giggled, slapping his shoulder.

Before doing so, Henry grabbed your chin and kissed your forehead, his touch drawing you in like a magnet as you leaned into him when he pulled away. With a sigh, you eventually crawled off his lap and then your face fell with disappointment when Henry showed you the screen of his phone.

"Yeah?" he huffed after picking up, his boss being the last person he wished to talk to right now.

You watched him closely as he listened to whatever the man was saying, and almost whined out loud when Henry frowned annoyed.

"I'll call you back in 5, ok?" he asked and after a couple of seconds hung up.

"I'm so sorry-" Henry sighed, turning to you, "I gotta go take this, there's a problem with one of the radars, I need to go see if I can fix it remotely"

"Sure thing" you shook your head. "But please tell me you don't have plans tonight"

"I don't" Henry leaned towards you and again, kissed your forehead. As much as you loved the sweet gesture, it was now more than ever that you craved something else entirely.

"And please don't forget about me again" you giggled, grabbing his biceps and stopping him from leaving without a promise.

"I won't" he sighed, "I'm really sorry about that. I'll make it up to you"

"However I want?" you beamed and licked your lips.

"Absolutely" Henry smiled, sweetly embracing you before walking you to the door.

You had his word now, and you were planning on making it count. There was no way either you or Henry would act as if nothing had happened, and you couldn't wait.

Once alone and seated at his desk, Henry opened up the text editor associated with the code he wrote months ago. When his screen was flooded with errors and his chat popped up with three different messages asking for help from his colleagues, Henry all but yelled out loud in frustration. Not only did he wish to be with you, it was also Sunday, one of his days off. But he couldn't just text the pilot of the plane whose radar went berserk and tell him to wait. So he got to work, determined to get this done as soon as possible.

But unfortunately, that 'as soon as possible' turned into 3 hours of continuous work. He didn't even stand up to go to the bathroom until he made sure everything was on point. It was about 4pm when the program started running smoothly again, and seeing how he had a few more hours to waste until he had to see you, Henry decided to make the best of them, by getting a head start on his tasks for the following day.

Productivity flowed through his fingertips as he solved the first issue he had been assigned for the day to come, getting ready to start working on the second one when a call caught his attention. He didn't recognize the ring tone, and it only dawned on him that he was still logged into your facebook account a couple of seconds after it stopped ringing.

Still curious, Henry switched the tabs on his computer, noticing that the chat with Steve, which he left open hours ago, showed that there was an ongoing video call. His jaw fell. Henry tightened his hands into fists, fuming with anger. First as you for doing this, and then at himself for allowing you to believe this was an ok thing to do. He knew there was no way to eavesdrop on your conversation even if he had the password, but that didn't mean his curiosity died down. No, it only grew stronger.

He felt lost for a minute, but then he thought of something. On his dresser, right next to his winter gloves and under his favorite jogging hat, laid an extra set of keys. Henry remembered the day you gave them to him, saying something along the lines of 'I feel much safer knowing that if something were to happen, you could always get to me, Henry.' and then remembered how you stuffed them in his pocket, and kissed his chest before stepping back. Such different times.

There was no trace of hesitation inside his mind as he grabbed the keys and made his way out of his home. He passed the hallway in less than a second and pressed his ear to the door. It was perfectly quiet, and through the peephole, he couldn't see any light. You weren't in the kitchen or living room, so he felt confident enough. After putting his phone on vibrate, Henry ever so gently pushed the key inside, turning it inside the lock with the most meticulous movement his wrist could muster. The sound of the door knob being turned was so faint he barely even heard it, but his pulse skyrocketed when he heard the click that signaled the door was finally open.

With small, careful steps, he made his way inside. The entire apartment was dark and quiet as he made his way in, stopping just outside your bedroom as the relaxed, deep voice of a stranger became audible through the wall. “Trust me, sweetheart. Just relax, I got you. You’re all tense, I can see it from here. You know I have more experience with this than you do, just do as I say”

With one hand on the doorknob of your bedroom, Henry was ready to put an end to this whole charade. He knew he might regret it later, but he didn't care. The image of a so called friend, pushing you to do anything that you seemed to have clearly stated your discomfort about, flipped a switch inside his brain. There was no stopping him because no one, no one got to push you around like that. Not while he could do anything about it.

#henry cavill #henry cavill imagine #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill smut #henry cavill fics #august walker x reader #geralt of rivia x reader #walter marshall x reader #ahh #a helping hand

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blakeylikestowrite · 4 years ago

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I don’t want a soulmate. (Prinxiety Oneshot)

Fandom: Sanders Sides Pairing(s): Prinxiety Word count: 2,893 Summary: Virgil isn't very fond of the whole soulmates thing. His parents are expecting his soulmate to be a woman but Virgil knows better. But he isn't ready to tell them. Naturally when he meets his soulmate, he tries to push him away. Warnings: small mention of an anxiety attack Genre(s): Fluff, a little bit of Angst AU(s): Human AU, Soulmate AU (the one with the tattoos that say what the first thing your soulmate will say to you)

Virgil was sitting on his bed just staring at his wrist. He knew he was going to meet his soulmate eventually. But he really didn't want to. His parents were obsessed with this whole soulmate thing. They were contiously asking him if he had finally met "her". Not once did they consider his soulmate might be a man. He wasn't so sure if they would be as excited as they currently were if they found out that his soulmate wasn't a woman. Virgil didn't like having a soulmate. He wasn't sure whether that was because his parents were annoyingly obsessed with this mystery person he had yet to meet or that he wasn't ready to come out as gay. He spent more time staring at the black words on his wrist than he'd like to admit. He seriously didn't want to meet his soulmate. But at the same time he couldn't help wondering what kind of person he was. "Sweetie! Time for school!", his mom called from downstairs. Virgil got up from his bed and picked up his backpack. "Coming!", he replied. He took his time going downstairs. He wished his parents a good morning and hurriedly made himself a sandwich, so he could eat on the way to the bus stop. "I'm leaving now. See you later.", he let his parents know and hit the road. Today was one of those days again. He wished he could have just stayed in bed. When he was close enough to the bus stop to be able to see it, the bus was already there. "Shit...", Virgil muttered to himself and started sprinting towards the bus. He almost made it in time. Almost. When he arrived at the bus stop the bus' doors closed. Virgil watched the bus drive away. "Of fucking curse. Just my fucking luck.", Virgil cursed. He sat down on a bench. After all, all he could do was wait for the next bus. He saw a tall guy running towards him from the direction the bus had driven off to. He stopped in front of Virgil. Before he could say anything, Virgil told him: "The bus is gone if that's what you were going to ask.". The guy looked really startled for a few seconds before replying: "Darn it... Well, at least I have such cute company.". Virgil's eyes went wide. It couldn't be. He quickly rolled up the sleeve of his hoodie, revealing the words that guy had just said in black cursive writing. He looked up at the guy again. "You're...", he started. The guy showed him his wrist. He had hoped that it was just a coincidence but his wrist said "The bus is gone if that's what you were going to ask". "I'm Roman and you?", his soulmate introduced himself. "Virgil.", he responded. Roman sat down next to him. "Do you know when the next bus will arrive?", Roman asked. "In like an hour, we'll be incredibly late.", Virgil replied. "But look on the bright side! We have an entire hour to get to know each other!", Roman exclaimed. "No, thank you.", Virgil huffed. Roman was extremely caught off guard by that response. This was his soulmate after all. Why wouldn't he want to get to know him? He had just met him and already managed to screw it up somehow. "Why not?", Roman asked. "I... I'm not into guys.", Virgil lied. "Nonsense, you're my soulmate. There's no way you're not into guys.", Roman said, "So what is this really about?". Virgil sighed. "Look. I'm not a big fan of this whole soulmate thing. My parents are super annoying everytime it becomes a conversation topic. Plus they expect my soulmate to be a woman. I don't want to disappoint them. So I guess I'm just scared? I don't want to have to keep a relationship from them because I don't want to come out to them. And you know how this thing goes. We will fall in love if we get to know each other. It's our stupid destiny.", he explained. "Oh... That's understandable... I was so excited to finally meet my soulmate. I kept fantasising about our future together and what you might be like. This isn't anything like I expected it to be. But if you don't want anything to do with me, I can't change that.", Roman replied. Virgil felt extremely guilty seeing the frown on Roman's face. "I thought about what you might be like a lot too..", Virgil admitted, "I wish I wasn't such a coward, so we could make this work...". "You're not a coward! Coming out is very scary. I didn't come out to my parents until 3 years after I figured out I wasn't straight. Does that make me a coward?", Roman argued. Virgil shook his head in response. "Then you're not a coward either.", Roman insisted. "I guess you're right...", Virgil muttered. "I know.", Roman chuckled, "Tell me a bit more about yourself. What do you like to do in your free time?". Virgil - despite not wanting to talk to Roman earlier - replied: "Well... I love listening to music. I'm really into Emo. I love singing and I spend most of my time on tumblr.". "Oh, I adore singing!", Roman declared, "I listen to Emo sometimes too. I can't deny that the music is good. I also love drawing and acting! Or any kind of creative work for that matter ". "We should sing a duet some day.", Virgil suggested. "I would love that.", Roman replied without any hesitation. "But no lovey-dovey pop songs, we're definitely not at that stage of our relationship yet.", Virgil said jokingly, "I'm talking Mcr or Panic!.". "That's alright by me.", Roman said, "So... Do you still want nothing to do with me?". "I would be lying if I said yes.", Virgil admitted. Roman started beaming with joy. "Fuck, why are you so cute?", the emo muttered. "You think I'm cute?", Roman laughed. "Well yeah... Especially with that look on your face.", Virgil grumbled. "I think we already established that I think you're cute, right? Cause I think you're cute.", his soulmate said. "No, I'm not.", Virgil protested. "Yes, you are. You're really really cute.", the other insisted. "Whatever.", Virgil scoffed. He turned his face away, so Roman wouldn't see that he was blushing. "I'm sorry, my chemically imbalanced romance. I didn't mean to embarass you.", Roman said. "Don't call me that.", Virgil retorted. "Sorry. I like giving people nicknames. I just came up with that one.", Roman apologised. "It's okay. It's kinda endearing, actually.", Virgil admitted. They went on to talk for a while before the bus finally arrived. They got on the bus and sat down next to each other. "Do you mind if I listen to some music on one ear?", Virgil asked. "I have a better idea. Give me the other ear bud. I wanna listen too.", Roman suggested. Virgil shrugged. He took his phone and his headphones out of his backpack and plugged in the headphones. Then he put one ear bud into his right ear and gave Roman the other one to put it into his left ear. He put his playlist on shuffle and Come Home With Me from Hadestown started playing. "You like musicals?", Roman asked. "Did I forget to mention that?", Virgil responded with another question, "Yeah, I do. Hadestown is currently my favorite.". "Mine too!", Roman exclaimed. They spent the entire bus ride gushing about their favorite musicals. Virgil really liked Roman. He was good-looking. He was really nice and they even shared a few interests. It scared him how much he already liked Roman. They arrived at the school and hurried to their classes. But not before exchanging phone numbers because Roman insisted. A few weeks passed and texting Roman quickly replaced being on tumblr as Virgil's main activity. He didn't tell his parents that he had met his soulmate. He didn't like lying to them but he was too scared to tell the truth. It was a sunny afternoon and Virgil had gotten home from school 2 hours ago. He saw his phone's screen light up because of a notification. He became really excited when he saw that Roman had texted him. "Wanna meet up at that park near your house?", he mouthed as he read the message. He typed in: "Why, of course I do.", added a red heart and sent it. Oh no. Was the heart too much? He didn't have a lot of time to freak out because Roman immediately replied: "Great! See you soon." with a red heart at the end. He went from freaking out about the red heart at the end of his message to freaking out about the red heart at the end of Roman's message really quick. He hurried downstairs and told his parents: "I'm meeting up with Patton.", while putting on his shoes. He didn't even wait for a reply. He rushed outside and went to the park as fast as he could. Roman was already there when he arrived. "We really need to talk.", he said and held a beautiful bouquet of roses out to Virgil. It would be an understatement to say that Virgil was a little taken aback. He hestitantly accepted the roses while fighting the urge to hide his blushing face. "Thank you..", Virgil said, a small smile forming on his face, "What did you want to talk about?". "I wanted to talk about us.", Roman replied. Virgil felt panic rising up inside him. "What is it?", Virgil stammered. "I know you said you didn't want to date me because you don't want to have a secret relationship behind your parents back but...", Roman started to explain. He took Virgil's free hand and looked him straight in the eyes before softly uttering: "I fell in love with you, Virgil.". Virgil's eyes went wide and he kept looking back and forth between their touching hands and Roman's face. "Are you serious?", he asked, a part of him hoping he wasn't and another part of him ready to celebrate if he was. "Yes. Why wouldn't I?", Roman responded. "I... I fell in love with you too.", Virgil confessed. Upon hearing that, Roman was bursting with joy. "You did? Then... Do you think we can make this work?", he asked. "I don't know... I really want to.. But my parents-", Virgil said. He was interrupted by Roman exclaiming: "Don't worry about your parents! Right now you're here with me. So how do you wanna go on from here?". Virgil put the rose bouquet on a bench next to them and took a few steps closer to Roman. They were standing so close to each other that the noses were almost touching. "What are you waiting for?", Roman asked with a cocky smile on his face. Virgil playfully rolled his eyes and placed his hand on Roman's cheek before crashing their lips together. Roman closed his eyes and let out a sigh of contentment. They didn't kiss for a very long time. It was as short as it was sweet and loving. They felt themselves yearning for their lips to meet again as soon as it was over. "Wow.", Roman said. Virgil chuckled. "Couldn't have said it better.", he replied. They sat down on the bench Virgil had set down the bouquet and Virgil cuddled up to Roman. They spent the rest of the afternoon cuddling on that park bench. Eventually Virgil had to head back home. "One last thing! Are we a thing now?", Roman asked. Virgil simply nodded. "So... You're my boyfriend now.", Roman stated. He suddenly became very giggly. "I like how that sounds. My boyfriend.", he said in between the cutest giggles Virgil had ever heard. "I like it too.", Virgil replied, "I really need to go now.". He gave Roman a peck on the lips and they said their goodbyes. Then Virgil hurried back home. "Hi, sweetie! Did you have fun?", his mom greeted him. "Yeah, I-", Virgil started his sentence only to be interrupted by his mom gasping. He shot a confused look at her. "Your mark!", she squealed. His dad came running and grabbed Virgil's arm. He rolled up his son's sleeve and had a similar reaction to his wife. And then Virgil realised. That stupid mark changed color after you shared your first kiss with your soulmate. He had kissed Roman, so of course his soulmate mark had changed color. And of course his parents just had to notice it. "You finally met her!", Virgil's mom cheered. "Tell us everything.", his dad added. "I-", he croaked. He slowly felt himself losing control over his breathing and his fight or flight reflexes took over. He turned around and sprinted up to his room. He barely managed to lock the door before falling to the ground. He rocked back and forth and started hyperventilating. His parents were knocking on the door but he could barely hear them. He was losing his grip on reality. Then he heard his phone buzz. He took his phone with shaking hands and saw that Roman had texted him. Perfect timing. He had noticed the change of color of the mark too and asked if Virgil was alright. Virgil typed in what happened - many typos happening due to his shaking hans - and sent a reply. He got a little spooked when he saw that Roman was calling him but he picked up anyway. "Virge, can you tell me 5 things you can see?", Roman asked. "I see... My phone. My bed. My lamp. My Mcr albums. And my headphones.", Virgil counted out. "Good job!", Roman commended him, "Now tell me 4 things you can touch.". "My phone. My legs. The floor. The door.", Virgil did as he was told. His breathing started to even out again. "You're doing good so far. Now three things you can hear.", Roman continued. "My parents, the knocking on the door, you.", Virgil was slowly calming down as he spoke. "Good. Now two things you can smell.", Roman had memorised this routine for moments like this. He wanted to be able to help. "The food downstairs. And for some reason you.", Virgil was almost completely calmed down now. To him it felt like Roman was right next to him even though they were just talking on the phone. "And one thing you can taste?", Roman asked. "A bland taste in my mouth.", Virgil replied. "And you did it! Congratulations!", Roman cheered, "How are you feeling? Do you want me to come over and cuddle?". "I'm feeling a lot better. Thanks. I would love to but what about my parents?", his emo boyfriend answered. "Maybe they can handle the truth?", Roman suggested. Virgil sighed. "This is gonna go horribly wrong. But I really need your cuddles. And I'll have to tell them soon anyway.. I know they won't let this go.", he said. "I'll be at your door in 5 minutes!", and with that Roman hung up. Virgil unlocked his door and opened it. He looked at his confused parents and said: "Someone is coming over.". "Is it her? Your soulmate?", his dad gasped. Virgil didn't say anything and went downstairs. He waited for Roman and ignored all of his parents' attempts of talking to him. Finally the door bell rang. Virgil tore open the door and pulled Roman into a tight embrace. "Who is this?", Virgil's mom asked. Virgil let go of Roman. He took his boyfriends hand, took a deep breath and said: "Mom? Dad? This is Roman. He's my soulmate.". After getting over her initial shock, Virgil's mom greeted Roman: "Hello, dear! Would you like to stay for dinner?". "That's very sweet but-", Roman protested. He was interrupted by Virgil's dad saying: "No, we insist. Please stay for dinner.". Virgil looked bewildered. "You don't mind?", he asked his parents. "Why would we?", his dad responded with another question. "I always thought... you really wanted my soulmate to be a woman.", he admitted. "Oh my gosh... I am so sorry..", his mom said and hugged him, "Is that why you didn't want to tell us about your soulmate?". Virgil nodded. "Honey, I am so so so so sorry.", she apologised. "I'm really sorry too, Virgil.. I never wanted to make you feel like you couldn't tell us about this.", Virgil's dad apologised as well and hugged him. "See? They can handle the truth.", Roman whispered. "You were right, you were right.", Virgil admitted. "Does the offer of staying for dinner still count?", Roman asked as he intertwined Virgil's and his hands. "Of course!", his boyfriend's mom replied. And so they went to the kitchen and sat down. The dinner was wonderful. Roman was being his usual flamboyant, confident self and Virgil's parents adored him. It was like all of Virgil's fears about coming out to his parents had washed away. Like they never existed. Virgil was happy. He was happy that his parents accepted him. He was happy that they liked his boyfriend. He was happy to have Roman by his side. And most importantly, he was happy that he would soon be able to show the world how much he loved the man holding his hand without having to worry about what his parents would think. Maybe - just maybe - having a soulmate wasn't so bad.

#prinxiety #ts prinxiety #sanders sides fic #sanders sides #sanders sides prinxiety #ts virgil #ts roman #virgil sanders #roman sanders #prinxiety fanfic #sanders sides fanfic #sanders sides fanfiction #oneshot

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livingbecauseofwriting · 5 years ago

Text

Life’s Too Short

Hello loves! So i’ve never really done anything like this (except like 3 horrible short stories I put on Wattpad like 5 years ago), but I really hope you enjoy. Please like and share and comment what you think.

Me and my sister are doing a writing exchange where each month we draw 2 short dialogue prompts and a character and write a story and give it to each other at the end of the month. We just started this so this is the first story.

I posted something about it and someone responded saying they’d want to read it so here you go. Anyway Imma shut up, but If you like it and would like for me to continue posting each month’s story and possibly opening up requests and stuff to write regularly please let me know!

This month’s prompts were:

“Don’t think about anything, just tell me you love me and hold me tighter” and “What are you doing up?”

I got Grayson Dolan.

Word Count: 8487

Warnings: life threatening event but I don’t want to give it away.... and cursing if that needs a warning

(Tumblr fucked up the formatting when I pasted it in here so if it looks weird I’m sorry I tried to fix it)

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Bright golden rays cut through the curtains as the sun set high into the new day’s sky. The sunlight spread cross your modern style bed and illuminates you and your husband’s bodies. You were facing each other with your legs tangled together under your pure white comforter. The bright light spreads across your face and you groan softly as you come into a conscience state. Grayson smiles softly at your utter look of annoyance at the signaling of the new day that has brought you out of your slumber. Grayson has always been a morning person, while you are not, and would sleep until the late hours of the day if given the chance. Because of this, Grayson is usually a wake a good hour or two before you in the mornings and gets up, always careful not to wake you, to start his rigorous work days. Today, however, Grayson had a day off, something that had become increasingly rare in your lives, and so he opted to stay in bed and just admire the heavenly women that he gets to wake up to every morning.

He chuckles as you slowly shift in the bed in an attempt to block the sun from your eyes. He reaches a hand up and gently moves some of your messy bed hair behind your ear and places a soft kiss on your forehead.

“Good morning babe” He whispers, his voice still groggy and scratchy from sleep. Your eyes flutter open and you look up at him with both a look of love and annoyance.

“It would be a good morning if the sun wasn’t being so rude.” You pout and bury your head in Gray’s bare shoulder as he pulls you closer and presses another kiss to your hair.

You lie like this for a second until you suddenly become very aware of his presence as well as what time it probably is, seeing as the sun is shining so bright and he’s usually up and working at the crack of dawn. You pull your head away from him abruptly and look at him with a very confused look on your face.

“Why are you still here? You’re usually deep into your work and filming with E by this time of the day?”

When the twins started their online presence on Vine back in 2013, the rose to fame rather quickly. It was something neither of them expected. The videos they made were just of them having fun and being their own idiot selves and it turned into a massive following. When they moved onto YouTube in 2015 that following only grew. Now with well over 18 million subscribers, filming every day, marketing meetings, promo meetings, gaining sponsorships, creating video ideas, and finding new creative ways to reach an even bigger audience, the twins were busier now more than ever.

“Usually yes, but we did a lot of work this week and got ahead. So, we earned ourselves a day off.” Grayson explained softly as he continued gently caressing your hair as he studied every feature of your tired, yet beautiful face. It’s been just over 4 years since you two met, and every day he was still completely in awe that he got to wake up with this life, with you beside him. How’d he get you? I mean he honestly just couldn’t understand, how he possibly got this beautiful woman beside him? Every day when he saw you sleeping beside him, he silently thanked God for that day, that day that started everything for you two.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back story ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You and Grayson met after you moved to California for an internship in your senior year of college. You had quickly discovered a coffee shop perfectly placed right between your apartment and work that became your favorite place to study and get work done. Coincidently, this was Grayson’s favorite coffee shop and he had been a regular since He and Ethan moved to Cali years prior.

After constantly seeing you in the café time after time, Grayson became curious. You were this mysterious girl who showed up out of nowhere and took over his coffee spot, even the workers were beginning to get closer to you and knew you better than they knew him, and he had been going there MUCH longer. However, he just couldn’t get up the courage to question the beautiful girl that made his day just a little bit better whenever he saw you there sipping your hot chai tea with almond milk and concentrating intensely on god knows what you had to work on that week.

However, the day came when he had no choice. You had only been at the shop a short while before you get an emergency call from work making you hastily gather your things and rush out the door at exactly the same time Gray was trying to enter causing you to slam into each other. Your hot chai went everywhere, mostly on you and your computer.

“SHIT!” You yelled looking down at your clothes and your probably now ruined computer. You quickly looked up at Grayson who looked just as stunned as you as Ethan completely lost his mind, laughing his ass off behind him.

“I’m so sorry. I should have been looking where I was going. I’m sorry. I just- oh my god this is probably ruined... and oh my god, are you wearing a Gucci shirt that I just ruined because of my clumsy ass self…” Your muttered so quickly that it practically came out as one sentence.

Grayson’s expression softened as he noticed how stressed and petrified you looked.

“It’s ok. I mean yes, it is, but it’s fine. I can just steal my brother’s, he has the same one.”

Grayson smiled. “Oh, shoot here let me get you some napkins” He said immediately after, rushing inside and grabbing a giant stack of napkins off the counter and bringing them over to you.

You smiled hesitantly still shocked and stressed and took the napkins from him and began to attempt to wipe the chai off your clothes, computer, and books.

“You look like you’re in a hurry, can I help you with something? Do you need a ride... or new clothes?” Gray asked chuckling a bit. You looked up giving him a look that you clearly didn’t find this funny as you continued to wipe your belongings.

“Um thank you, but I really do have to go. I’m so sorry again. Um, you come in a lot. Maybe I can make it up to you next time... I’m really sorry.” You responded quickly still in almost a single sentence. Before Grayson could even comprehend what you said or even mutter an “ok” you were halfway down the street rushing to your work emergency.

To say Grayson was stunned would be an understatement. He really didn’t care that you spilled hot chai all over him, no, he was mainly shock at how everything went down. This girl he’s been wanting to talk to for weeks and THAT is your first interaction. It was like something straight out of a movie. Grayson collected himself and punched Ethan’s arm as he made fun of Grayson’s flushed expression. He wondered if he’d see her again, and if he did what it would be like now that the ice had been broken.

He was disappointed when he didn’t see you in the café the following day, but figured either you were entirely too embarrassed to show your face around here anytime soon or you were busy sorting out your computer problem, either way, he desperately wanted, no, NEEDED to see you again.

That’s why his heart nearly stopped when he walked into the café three days later and saw you sitting there, your back facing him so you didn’t see him as you intensely poured over your books and typed away on what looked like to be a different computer but not necessarily a new one. He couldn’t resist the smile that spread across his lips and he silently thanked God that Ethan was too lazy to get out of bed and opted out of coming to pick up their coffee with him.

Grayson noticed you weren’t sporting your usual hot cup of chai and hastily went to the counter and ordered Ethan and his usual along with your chai tea order which he had picked up on after watching you order it every single time you came in. When the drinks were done he carefully made his way to your table. He still wasn’t entirely sure what he was doing but he knew there was no turning back, he was already in motion.

Grayson reached you and you still hadn’t noticed him as you were so focused on your work and had your earbuds playing soft music in your head. He cleared his throat gently and placed the chai tea on a clear spot of the table in front of you making you jump slightly as you quickly yanked out your earbuds and looked up. You smiled as a noticeable heated blush spread across your face.

“Oh, uh, hey sorry I didn’t mean to scare you. I uh got you your drink. I noticed you didn’t have one today and I thought I’d get you one to say, ‘sorry I got in your way the other day.” Grayson said awkwardly desperate to explain himself without looking weird or creepy as he rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged softly.

You smiled brightly and shook your head softly. “Please don’t apologize. It really wasn’t your fault. I need to watch where I’m going, but thank you this is very sweet.” You took a sip of the chai not sure what to expect that he had ordered you, but as soon as the drink passed your lips you looked up at him surprised. “Char tea with almond milk and an extra shot...How’d you know? Are you stalking me?”

Grayson’s eyes widened and he quickly shook his head, “Nononono, I uh, I don’t know if you’ve noticed but we’re here at the same time a lot and I’ve just noticed you get the same thing every time and honestly it’s not that hard to remember.” He said chuckling nervously.

You smiled at his quickness to defend himself. “I was kidding. Thank you though. I love this.” You took another sip and there was a bit of an awkward silence for a second before he gestured to the computer you were using and questioned, “You got a new one? I hope the other one didn’t mess up too bad. I know you probably had a lot of work saved on there.”

You nodded and placed the cup down sighing. “Not a new one just a loaner from a friend. I can’t get mine to turn on and I can’t afford a new one which is fine except I can’t retrieve any of my work from my computer so I basically have to start all over from scratch.”

Grayson nodded in understanding and cringed sympathetically at your pain. “I know your pain. My entire work exists in my computer but my brother’s very clumsy and has messed up one or two. So yeah I know a guy who’s been able to fix some of mine and if he can’t fix it he can at least retrieve the data from it. I can hook you up if you’d like.”

Grayson swore his heart stopped as he watched your eyes widen and a look of utter disbelief and amazement, but most of all relief, wash over you. It was adorable. “Really!?! That would be absolutely amazing. Oh my god you’re literally saving me so much time and work.”

Grayson smiled and nodded just glad he could help but also hoping this gave him an in or at least an excuse to spend some time outside of this small café with you. “Yeah of course. Actually, he lives just down the street from me. I can talk to him when I get home and see when he’s available.”

“That would be perfect. Here let me give you my number so you can contact me.” You said picking up a pen and ripping a small piece of paper from a page in your notebook. You quickly scribbled down your number trying to make sure it was readable as Grayson stared at you, his heart beating rapidly in his chest, he couldn’t believe it. You handed him the number and he took it tentatively, like it was the most valuable item on the planet, and honestly at the moment in his world, it was. Grayson starred at the number and quickly realized he didn’t even know your name.

“Thank you, but um, what name should I use for the contact, I don’t think I ever caught it.” You smiled surprised at his words and chuckled softly as you leaned back in your seat.

“You managed to remember my coffee order but never picked up on my name?” You questioned smirking at him watching in amusement as his face went completely red.

“I mean… now that I’m thinking about it, yeah. I’ve always just kind of referred to you as the ‘chai tea girl’… I mean not that I’m talking about you often but like the few times it came up with other people that’s what we called you.” Grayson said rambling nervously as his face went even more red. You chuckled and shook your head softly.

“I’m just giving you a hard time… I’m Y/N, but I’d hate to mess up what you already know me as, so please continue referring to me as “chai tea girl’ if you must.” You laughed softly at your words and Grayson’s heart melted. Your laugh was like music to his ears, it’s something he could see himself listening to everyday. These thoughts were nuts to him. He barely knew you, yet at the same time he feels like he’s known you his whole life, it was like nothing he’s ever experienced.

“Y/N...? I like that name, it’s really pretty.” Grayson responded softly smirking making you blush. “I’m Grayson…”

“Yeah I know. And your brother is Ethan? You guys are a bit bigger than I think you’re giving yourself credit for. My sister really likes you and I’ve seen a few videos through her. You’re funny, and unique from every other YouTuber. I like that. Originality.”

Grayson smiled and nodded softly, proud of his brother and his work. “Thanks that means a lot. We work really hard to create good content that’s original to us so I’m really glad you like it. We do a lot of crazy stuff, shit happens, things break, that’s why I know this guy. He’s fix many computers and cameras for us and retrieved a lot of content we thought we lost. He’s good, he’ll for sure be able to help you.”

“That’s awesome. I hope so, I can’t lose all that.” You said sighing in relief. You were so intrigued by Grayson. Sure, he was hot af, but there was something else. The guy standing in front of you was so different from the guy everyone watched on YouTube and something inside of you was begging to find out more about this real, authentic version of Grayson Dolan.

The conversation eventually died out as Ethan spammed Grayson with texts asking where the hell his coffee was and you had to get back to work anyway but you left each other feeling like you were floating and neither of you could stop smiling.

Grayson texted you later after talking to his friend and you agreed to meet at his place the next day. It took his friend all of 5 minutes to fix your laptop and retrieve all your work. You were so relieved and in the rush of gratefulness to Grayson and his friend, and with all the time you suddenly had on your hands now that you didn’t have to do all that work over again, you and Grayson agreed to go out, somewhere other than the coffee shop.

The next night Grayson took you on one of the most unique and fun dates ever. What you thought was going to just be dinner turned into a picnic on top of a cliff under the stars and breaking into an old theater and performing for each other, just complete nonsense. You continued to an amusement park where Grayson of course won a stuffed t-rex with giant eyes after watching you freak out about how cute it was. You explored the city and later found yourself at a beach to watch the sun rise. Everything about the night was perfect. It was a night pulled straight out of a movie and neither of you could comprehend it, but that night was just the start.

Soon you and Grayson were seeing each other at least every week (outside of the café) and then once a week turned into three times a week until it got to the point that you were practically living with the boys. They started including you in bits and pieces of their videos and soon their whole fan base knew you. You and Grayson dated for two years before he finally asked you to marry him. Everyone knew you were meant to be together and it was just a matter of time, so it was no surprise when you finally sported that diamond ring on your finger.

It was quiet and intimate. Grayson rented out the whole coffee shop that started it all. The place was filled with fairy lights and all the tables were moved and the floor was covered with pillows and blankets and Grayson made sure you had all the chai tea you wanted. A screen was projected on the wall and once you were settled in it began playing starting with the Disney intro to fake you out, but quickly turned into a slideshow movie about you containing all sorts of pictures of you, you and Grayson, your friends and you all together, and a bunch of videos, some which you had no idea they were filming.

When the movie finished you had tears in your eyes, just seeing all these memories, you couldn’t believe this was your life. You turned to hug and kiss Grayson but he was down on one knee holding an opened velvet box with a beautiful, simple diamond ring inside. You didn’t know how you didn’t notice him get up before but there he was. It was incredibly cheesy but that’s just who he is. He already had tears in his eyes not even having said anything yet.

“Y/N…if that video isn’t testimony enough to the impact you’ve had in my life, then let me tell you. Babe I have no idea where I would be without you. From the moment I saw you, sitting in this coffee shop working your ass off on whatever project you had due that week and drinking that damn chai tea, my heart knew it needed you and I don’t care how fucking cheesy that sounds, it’s true. Everything happens for a reason, and when you ran into me two years ago, destroyed your laptop and ruined my favorite Gucci shirt, it was fate. That was the beginning of something so beautiful and nothing else mattered. Our love is once in a lifetime, and I’m so glad it exists in ours. I would fight for you and find you in any lifetime, and I want to spend the rest of this one with you by my side. So please God, will you marry me already?” Grayson chuckled and smiled as tears streamed down his cheeks.

“It’s about damn time!” You laughed crouching down to his level and flinging yourself into his arms. “I love you so much you fucking asshole. Of course I’ll marry you.” You giggled pulling away, cupping his cheeks in your hands and wiping his tears with your thumbs before pulling his lips to yours. You both smiled uncontrollably into the kiss and pulled away leaning your foreheads against each other. Grayson looked down and placed the ring on your finger before pulling you in for another long hug.

You guys decided to keep the engagement quiet for a while, only telling family and friends, just wanting to enjoy this special time to yourselves for a bit before letting the whole world know. When you did finally tell his fans you two made a short little video about it and both made Instagram posts shortly after the video went up. You got married a little over a year later and it was everything you could have asked for and more. The rest is history.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End of Back Story~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You smiled, beaming brightly at his words. “Really!?! Oh my god it’s been so long.”

“Yes really.” Grayson chuckled softly at your excitement. He knew you needed this, you both did. You barely ever saw each other now-a-days. Grayson almost never had a day off and your days were usually spent apart, not seeing each other until you both fell into bed at night, and at that point it was much too late and you were both too tired to do anything together. “I was thinking we could go out, spend the day together doing the things we don’t normally get to do.”

You smiled wider and nodded in agreement before leaning in and pressing an excited kiss to his lips. You two sat like that for a second, just holding each other, enjoying each other’s presence before you gently pushed yourself up, Grayson soon following, and stretched your arms out, squinting at the harsh daylight pouring through the big floor-to-ceiling windows surrounding your room.

The twins had bought a compound with two houses on it overlooking LA with a beautiful view of the city and the beach. The twins always knew they wouldn’t able to live apart, but when Grayson and you got married and Ethan was sure to follow with a fiancé of his own eventually, the old house was getting too crowded. When the twins created this property with their house literally only 20 feet apart connected by a glass tunnel/hallway, it was an absolute dream come true for them. It was very modern and green. The whole house contained big windows for lots of sunlight to come in. There were plants everywhere, but placed perfectly to create a beautiful aesthetic. The floors were all wood and most surfaces throughout the house were all made of stone or marble. The house generally contained an all-white or grey color scheme with pops of color here and there and everything was very open. It was everything you imagined a famous California house to look like.

You pulled yourself out of bed and wrapped your silk robe around you and went to make your way to the kitchen before Grayson stopped you, wrapping his arms around you from behind and kissing your neck gently.

“Let’s eat out today love. No working in any way, let’s just enjoy this.”

You smiled and closed your eyes softly as his lips and hot breath grazed your skin as he spoke. You turned in his arms wrapping your arms around his neck and nodded kissing his softly. “Sounds lovely. I guess I’ll just get dressed then.” You two pulled apart and made your way to your separate closets. You picked a pair of black and white checkered slacks with a light blue sweater with your black vans. After you got dressed you went to the connected master bathroom and applied a small bit of makeup and pulled your long hair into messy bun. You walked out just as Grayson finished pulling on his shoes. He was wearing black ripped jeans and a white t-shirt with black and red strips and a pair of red vans. Damn did he look hot.

You smiled as he took your hand and led you out of the bedroom, grabbing his keys as he made his way to the car. He opened the door for you like the gentleman that his is and you jokingly curtsied to him in response as you both giggled softly. Grayson climbed into the driver’s side of his custom vintage 1960s teal Bronco and backed out of the driveway, one hand on the wheel while the other held yours in his lap. Neither of you knew where you were going or even had a plan but you knew it was going to be a perfect day no matter where you were.

Grayson drove slowly through downtown LA so that you both could scan the different shops and cafes to find a place to eat. You pointed out a small breakfast/brunch place on the corner and Grayson quickly found a parking spot and pulled in. Once again Grayson rushed over to your side and opened the door for you offering his hand, which you gladly took, as you stepped out of the vehicle and made your way into the corner café. It was a cute little place and had a modernized retro look, defiantly very California.

Once you and Gray were inside you were seated and ordered rather quickly as in the car you both had mutually expressed a craving for pancakes that needed to be satisfied ASAP. You made light conversation about what you wanted to do with the rest of the day, which neither of you had any opinions for and opted to just let whatever happens happen. When your food arrived, you couldn’t help but snap a pic of Gray, I mean you were both influencers now and had to please your audience and you knew this would make the fans drool… for the pancakes of course

@HeyItsY/N: Hey there good looking ;) …. Oh and @graysondolan is here too

After you both devoured some of the best pancakes you’ve ever had, you paid and made your back to the car. You hesitated as Gray opened the door for you.

“Why don’t we just walk. See what we see.” You said shrugging lightly. Gray smiled shutting the door without question and locking the car again. He grabbed your hand and you two set off down the street not really sure what you were doing or where you were going.

The day end up leading to places you wouldn’t have imagined. You and gray found a hidden park where you eventually brought food and had a picnic type lunch. You shopped around a bit at the different vintage shops around downtown LA. You bought a lot of thrifted vintage clothes and some new vinyls for the custom player Gray built. Of course, Gray had to go to the Gucci store and Louis Vuitton where you bought clothes he defiantly didn’t need but you didn’t mind because he looked hella good. You and Gray were walking along a sidewalk that had an open view of the mountains and valleys of California. It was beautiful and even though you weren’t speaking or doing much, you couldn’t have been happier than that moment. You wish you could stay here forever.

It was only about 3 o’clock and you and Gray were just getting started, still having big plans for the day. You were making your way back to the car to travel to some other nearby destination when Gray’s phone rang. He groaned and grabbed his phone out of his pocket and pressing answer before moving it to his ear.

“Hello? … Yeah… No, I’m out with Y/N … Why, we have the day off? … Can we do this tomorrow? … Are you sure? Ok ok calm down ... we’ll head over now. See you soon.”

Grayson sighed hanging up the phone and turned around to look at you. You could tell from little bit of the conversation that you had heard that your day-off was cancled, but you knew there was nothing you could do and you could tell Grayson wasn’t happy either.

“I’m sorry love, they need me to go to the warehouse and discuss some business shit I don’t even know. I’m sorry, I know you were looking forward to having this whole day. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

You sighed and nodded softly taking Grayson’s hand. “Gray its ok. There’s nothing we can do. Plus, we’ve already done so much more than we usually get too and that’s all I could ask for. This day has been amazing. Let’s go, they’ll be mad if you make them wait.” You said and kissed him softly before hopping into the car to head to the twin’s business warehouse.

The twins had bought a small warehouse/business building that they transformed into their work center. They used this to take care of business meetings, storage for their merch and a secondary filming location for shit they couldn’t film at the house.

When you arrived at the office Grayson headed straight to the meeting room but not before leaving you with few soft kisses to hold onto as you waited in the small lounge area for him to return.

You became restless as you moved around the lounge trying to get comfortable as Gray had been in this meeting for over an hour now. You jumped a little as you heard a door slam and Gray came from around the corner looking mad but his face melting into sadness as soon as he saw you. He sighed and grabbed your hand ignoring your questioning as he led you out to the car.

The car ride home was silent and you anxiously starred out the window as your mind swirled with the possibilities of what had gone on in that meeting. When you pulled up to the house Grayson took a few moments, deep in thought, before pressing his lips to the back of your hand and getting out of the car, you following closely behind. You could tell whatever had happened in there was bothering him and he was torn over it and it killed you to not know, to not be able to help, but you didn’t want to push him.

A couple of very quiet hours of walking on eggshells around Gray went by before he entered your bedroom and signed softly as he sat down next to you. You looked up at him from your laptop stopping whatever the hell you were doing to keep yourself from going crazy from the tension and silence. You shut your laptop and look at him waiting for him to speak.

“I’m sorry I haven’t talked to you. You’re probably really confused, I just needed to figure it out myself because I know you’re going to be upset.” Gray says softly looking down as he intertwined his fingers with yours. You shift and move close to him now even more curious. Gray sighs rubbing his eyes as he figures out how to form the words to tell you what he needed to tell you. “The team has set up a bit of a radio/venue tour for me and E. It was a last-minute thing, everything fell into place, and they couldn’t pass it up. They didn’t even talk to us about it until today… They need us to leave in 2 days for London to kick it off. They said it’d probably last about 3 to 4 months.”

You furrow your eyebrows in confusion and take a second processing his words. “Can they even do that? I mean it’s your channel you get to make these decisions. You could say no if you wanted.” You barely saw Gray as it is and you live together, hell you’re married, but this would just drive a wedge between you two since you wouldn’t be able to go with him having your own job and life to take care of here in LA. You didn’t have the freedom like he did to just up and leave for 4 months.

Gray shook his head and looked at you. “I know I know. We can…to an extent. But these guys have really helped us out and this is a really great opportunity for me and E. We’d be able to reach a bigger audience and it’d be really good for the channel-”

“Wait, you’ve been walking around all day moping your ass off for something that you WANT to happen… can’t you see that this is a horrible idea? Why can’t you just say no? Why are you letting these people control you and your lively hood?” You question pulling away from him.

“I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you because I knew you’d react like this which quite frankly is a little selfish… This is a really good opportunity for us and it hurts that you don’t support that!” Gray said raising his voice a bit. You opened your mouth and stood up from the bed looking at him in disbelief.

“I’m being selfish?! Oh ok, I’m sorry that I don’t want to be away from my HUSBAND who I barely get to see EVEN THOUGH WE LIVE IN THE SAME HOUSE!”

“Oh my God. I’m sorry I’m working every fucking day to make sure that we can support ourselves, that we can afford this house, that you don’t have to work as many hours as a normal human being. I’m so fucking sorry for being the fucking back bone of this relationship.”

You had no idea how you guys had gotten to this point but there was no turning back now, everything was coming out and there was no stopping either of you.

“Are you fucking kidding me? You have probably the easiest job in the world! People would kill to have your life. You’re ‘work’ is doing dumb shit with your brother every day and posting it online! But I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize doing something you love was such a burden, I didn’t know I was such a fucking burden! …And just to be clear, YOU asked me to stop working all together, I decided to keep it to part-time so that everything didn’t fall on you, but apparently that means nothing to you! I’m sorry for fucking caring about you”

You exchanged a few more choice and heated words back and forth for a while. You couldn’t believe he had the nerve to call you selfish when he’s the one up and leaving for the sake of “getting more followers” when the man has 18 million fans already. Gray opened his mouth to speak again but you couldn’t stand this anymore.

“Grey I think you should go stay with Ethan. Obviously, we’re not going to get anywhere with this except just hurting each other more. I need space to think and I can’t do that with you here.” Your voice cracked a bit and at this point tears had been streaming down your cheeks for a while. Gray closed his mouth and just nodded. You were both too tired to continue with a conversation that was going nowhere. Gray stood up and left the room without say anything and made his way to E’s place, which was technically the same house just a different part, but it didn’t matter, it was far enough for you to not feel like you were suffocating anymore.

You sat down on the bed processing what had just gone down before letting a few more tears fall from your eyes as you screamed into your pillow. As clique as it sounded, it really works.

You were exhausted and didn’t even realize you had fallen asleep until you woke up the next morning from the sun rudely shining in your face once again. You instinctively reached over to Gray’s side of the bed only to be met with an empty cold spot as memories of last night’s events replayed in your head. You didn’t want to get up, knowing the house was going to feel cold and empty, like it was swallowing you whole without his presence in it, but you also knew you couldn’t stand to speak to him yet, it would only end in more fighting. The argument was stupid to begin with but it turned into something serious as you both continued to share hidden feelings that got magnified out of proportion. You didn’t know what this meant for you especially with Gray leaving, but you had no choice but to just wait and find out.

In the past 2 days, the only sight you saw of Gray was him quickly coming into the house to gather some of his things to pack in his bags. You still hadn’t spoken. You were both stubborn as hell and it defiantly didn’t help the situation. So that night you laid down yet again in the cold, deprived of his warmth and presence.

When you woke up the next morning, you weren’t really sure what had come over you but you just knew you needed to see him. You practically ran over to Ethan’s side of the house and didn’t even knock as you burst through the door. Your heart raced and you gently called Gray’s name but was met with silence. The house was empty. E’s bags were gone and so were Gray’s. He was just gone, without even saying goodbye. Tears slowly rolled down your cheeks and you stood there in silence. You were sad and angry but you weren’t sure what feeling was more dominate. You couldn’t believe he’d leave like that and you were heartbroken you had missed him.

The next couple of days were a whirlwind of emotions. You had tried to call Gray a few times only to be met with his voicemail. You always made some excuse as to why he wasn’t picking up but you knew he was most likely just ignoring you. Why was he so damn stubborn? You listened to the radio shows they were on and you could swear he heard the pain in his voice, but he was so good at laughing it off that it was invisible to everyone else, but you heard it.

It had been over three weeks since you and Gray had last spoke, which was the night of the fight. You had managed to get a hold of Ethan who sounded so desperate to help you guys but then he’d say things like “oh we have bad reception here” or “Gray’s busy” and you knew he was just trying to be a good brother and saying what Gray told him to say.

You were driving home from work listening to the boy’s latest broadcast. You scoffed a little as the interviewer brought up their relationships and questioned how all was going, what the future held for their family, etc. Grayson covered it up with “Oh it’s really great. We’re really good. Happy.” It was a lie. The audience had no idea. The listeners would have no idea. No one had any idea what your reality was. Everyone saw these celebrities and their families as perfect people, absolute couple goals if you will, they saw the love and beauty, they saw the pictures you meticulously chose to post, they saw what you wanted them to see. They didn’t see the pain, or the long nights, the fights, or the going to bed without your husband by your side, they didn’t see the struggles.

You were deep in your thoughts that the next few moments were all a blur. It was about 7 o’clock, already dark out and you drove carefully, LA was a mad house at this hour, especially since it was Friday night. You proceed forward when your light turns green yet within moments your car is jolted to the side. The loud horn blared in the background, it sounded so distant, so faint. It took a moment for you to realize you were on your side. Your head pounded and your vision was blurry. You could faintly make out people yelling trying to talk to you and your mind screamed to just say something to them but your body failed. The red and blue flashing lights streaming through your shattered windshield was the last thing you remembered before everything faded into black, a piercing ringing in your ears before complete silence.

When you woke up, it wasn’t to the usual rude sunlight you were used to pouring through your window. No, rather, the room was very dark, an annoying beeping filled your ears, and you felt a heaviness weighing down your arm. It took a few seconds for you to actually collect yourself. Your throat felt like the fucking desert, your right arm was in a cast and sling, and your body felt like it had been hit with a ton of bricks. You shifted and looked over to see Gray holding your hand, his head rested on your arm as he slept. You moved your hand softly and nudged him.

“Gray… Gray… Grayson fucking Dolan wake up.” You managed to croak out before Gray finally shot up, his expression a bit disoriented before lighting up at the sight of you awake. He didn’t even hesitate as he pulled you into a hug, gripping you softly, scared he’d hurt your damaged body even further.

“Oh my god…Y/N… I’m so sorry... I’m so so sorry. Baby I thought-” Gray started to ramble before you cut him off, gently shushing him.

“Just shut up please.… Don’t think about anything. Just tell me you love me and hold me tighter.” You whispered softly as you held back tears. You vaguely remembered what happened but in this moment, you chose not to.

“I love you, I do… I love you so fucking much and I could never say it enough.” Gray whispered back, fighting his own tears. You and Grayson just held each other for a while before a nurse finally came in.

“Oh, you’re awake. Thank God. We were getting a bit worried.” She said and she walked over to your bed and poured you a glass of water. Gray sat back in his seat but kept holding your hand in one of his while he held the cup up for you with the other so you could drink from the straw. The nurse asked some basic questions and checked your vitals before looking at you seriously. “Do you remember anything that happened?”

You sighed laying your head back and closed your eyes. Everything was a blur. “I was in an accident, that’s obvious. I remember sitting at the light listening to Gray on the radio. I remember driving forward when I got the green light. I remember the horn, it was loud but everything seemed to happen in slow motion so to me it sounded far away and distorted and then a jerk. I remember it was blurry but I could see my windshield shattered, I-I could see blood on my hands and I could feel it dripping down my face. I remember the sirens and the police lights and then nothing and now I’m here.” You concluded taking a deep breath and opening your eyes. Gray wiped a stray tear from his cheek and sniffled softly trying to cover up his crying. The nurse nodded and took some notes.

“That’s good you remember. Yes, you were in an accident. It was a drunk driver. He ran the red and t-boned you. Your car flipped three times. You broke your right arm and three ribs. You twisted your leg bad but it’s not broken or anything. You hit your head bad and have a few stitches and a severe concussion and you’ve been unconscious for the past three days.” The nurse said gently trying to fill you in without scaring you. You nodded softly and thanked her before she left.

You turned to Grayson and squeezed his hand. “Hey. It’s ok. I’m ok. Please don’t cry.” Grayson chuckled and shook his head wiping his eyes again. “Damn I thought I covered it up… You know me too well.”

The next couple of days were spent trying to get your strength back. It was a bit more than a week before you were able to go home. The doctors just wanted to make sure you had no neuro damage because you were out for so long. You had a brace on your leg to help but you could walk… kind of… that is when Grayson actually let you. At home Grayson waited on you hand and foot and made sure you were ALWAYS comfortable.

It had been about a week and you convinced Gray to let you have some bit of freedom. Grayson finally stopped sleeping on the couch as you convinced him he wasn’t going to crush you or hurt you.

You stirred in your sleep and reached over to pull Grayson’s warm body closer to your freezing one, but you were met with his empty cold pillow. You furrowed your eyebrows as you opened your eyes. You checked your phone for the time, 2:35am. Shit.

You groaned softly as you pushed yourself up, your whole body still aching and screaming at you to lie down again but you needed to go find your husband. You threw on your robe and slowly made your way out of the bedroom and to the kitchen/living room area. The house was dark except for a single lamp dimly lighting the sofa area. You watched as Grayson sat on the couch wearing only his plaid pajama pants, starting at the black TV in from of him. When you made your way to him you gently placed your hand on his shoulder, careful not to scare him. He looked up at you, his eyes bloodshot and you could tell, even in the poor lightly, that he’d been crying.

“Gray? Love? What are you doing up?” You questioned as you sat beside him wrapping your arm around his shoulder. He opened his mouth to respond but simply shook his head as he buried his face in the palm of his hands, soft cries escaping his lips. You pulled him close and just held him letting him calm down.

“Gray baby what’s wrong?” You questioned gently as his cries subsided. He lifted his head to look at you and pulled you close to him.

“I’m so sorry… I’m so fucking sorry...”

“For what? You have nothing to be sorry for”

“Yes, I do…I fucked up… I made you believe you were worthless to me, that you were selfish and then I just left… I’m a terrible husband... I mean who the fuck leaves his wife in the middle of an argument like that and goes half way across the whole damn world refusing to even talk to her on the phone. I’m so fucked.” Gray speaks, voice cracking softly ever so often. This is the first either of you had spoken about the fight. In light of everything that happened you had thought you would just move on, but it was clear it was still a crushing reality.

“And I… I could have lost you Y/N…You could have died and the last thing I would have said to you would have been something so crushing, telling you you’re a burden, making you believe I hated you…I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself…” Gray whispers looking down at the ground ashamed. You sighed wiping away tears from your cheeks before cupping his cheeks in your hands and making him look at you.

“I didn’t die. I right here. I’m ok. We were lucky. If anything we should be looking at this as a second chance. We’re not finished. Our story isn’t over. I still have so much love to give you. I’m not finished with you Grayson Dolan. There’s so many adventures we still need to on, I still haven’t given you a baby yet, or taught you how to actually cook a damn meal. Yeah, you may be an ass sometimes, but you’re mine, so don’t you think for a minute I would die on you without kissing you one last time, or reminding you that your fans love me more than you...” You giggled sniffling softly at the joke. When you and Gray went public with your relationship the fans were so supportive and loving that Gray was constantly saying that they loved you more than him, so it became a running joke between everyone. It may be the Dolan Twin’s channel, but you were the star.

Grayson shook his head chuckling and kissed you softly. “I love you so much Y/N Dolan. You are the most caring selfless person I know and I have no idea how you can love me, but I thank God every day that you do.” Grayson smiled before kissing you passionately. You both cuddled on the couch for a while, neither of you tired anymore, just feeling content in each other’s presences.

The next day Grayson sat down with Ethan and their team and made sure the rest of the tour was canceled. Grayson and Ethan agreed they wanted more control over their work and had their managers and marketing team back off and those who didn’t were fired. After business was done, Gray and E sat down in front of the camera and made a video to the fans. They explained what had happened over the last few weeks and really opened up about their lives. They let the fans know that they would be taking a short break to focus on their family and when they came back they would start making content that they actually loved, and it would be on their own time and not just for the sake of feeling obligated to post. As the video came to a close Grayson talked to the camera about how important this was to them and how they hoped the fans could support this because this is how it should have been a long time ago.

“So that’s that. It’s been rough, but we’re figuring it out. If these past couple of weeks have taught me anything it’s that life’s too short to be worried about this kind of stuff or to be mad at people. You need to focus on the now, on this moment. Hug the people close to you and tell them you love them, because you never know when they’ll be gone. I’m lucky to be given a second chance to love unconditionally and uncontrollably. I wish I would have realized that sooner but I’m so grateful I have now. Life’s too short not to love. And please know we love you guys and we’re so grateful for all the continued support through everything. You guys are unreal. Thank you for everything… Until next time. Peace.”

#grayson dolan imagine #grayson dolan writer #grayson dolan fanfic #grayson dolan #the dolan twins #im new to this #imagines #fanfiction #fanfic

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jewpacabruhs · 5 years ago

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hi guys! so this post is gonna be a rambly mess but fuck it, here ya go. if u dont wanna read all of it, u dont have to; skip down to underneath the tl;dr in bold text for the important bits :)

(there’s a brief & non-graphic mention of a triggering topic in the next paragraph. please be sure to skip this next paragraph if the thought of suicide is going to upset you.)

alright. so i didn't share this originally, but i spent some time in a psychiatric unit this month. suicidality related. 1000% unrelated from anything online, i've just struggled with depression for a very long time & shit happens. i didn't intend to share that at all & i certainly don't want pity; i'm telling u guys bc my time in the unit was extremely eye-opening, and i have some insight to share. since i've gotten out, with the help of my newest anti-depressant (fourth time’s a charm lol), i'm seeing the world in a better light & i finally have the energy to and the interest in exploring what it has to offer, which frankly i've never had before.

with that has come the realization that i’ve come to do something very unhealthy, and i want to break out of it. and that’s how much i’ve come to rely on my fandom life. i don’t want to get too candid publicly, but mental illness took a lot from me, and i lost most of my life, my future, and my options in the last few years. next year will involve a lot of working on rebuilding things. but in the time that i let things fall to pieces around me & i absolutely couldn’t get out of bed, i had a phone and i had a laptop. so when i couldn’t get up and physically face the world, i built up a new world online.

and i don’t think that’s a completely uncommon experience. most people are able to better manage things, and evenly juggle real life with an internet life (like i did back in middle school), because most people can’t abandon their real lives entirely like i managed to; but i do think a lot of people nowadays rely on their fandom life and their fandom friends when their irl situation isn’t ideal. and that’s an excellent coping mechanism in theory, but i think it’s debilitating in the long run.

forgive me for sounding like an old person, but i’m a heavy nostalgist and a bit of an anarcho-primitivist in that i resent modern technology's influence on society - but that hasn't stopped me from letting it be a big part of my life out of accessibility. the internet kept me occupied during my low points, and i became dependent, but i've realized i don't wanna live like that anymore. i’m vaguely grateful that it usually kept me busy enough that i wasn’t thinking the bad thoughts as frequently, but more than anything, i’m resentful that my grasp on reality got lost somewhere along the way, and i let time get away from me, too. because, again, an internet life should be a fun hobby, but when it’s a lifestyle and it becomes an excuse to avoid dealing with our real lives, bc our real lives aren’t as rewarding or as exciting, then it’s unhealthy.

everything’s at our fingertips these days, but i deeply believe human interaction, fun, and fulfillment shouldn't be spoon-fed to us through a screen. it's easy access, sure, but at the end of the day, is it any way to live? compared with how much world there is to see, i’m no longer satisfied with the thought of sitting behind a screen for another five years. i used to be, when i had no hope and no drive, but not anymore. i’m not gonna let myself settle for staying busy with the thing that takes the least amount of work & movement. not only because i’m a whole ass adult who needs to start sorting my shit out for the long run, but also because i deserve better.

and it’s fucking hard! especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. i dropped out of school three fucking times due to crippling social anxiety and utter lack of ambition and energy. i lost all my friends through that (making friends post-school is hard af); the thought of having to go out and remake friends makes me wanna fucking cry. i have a hard enough time making friends online, i’ve even come to struggle with correspondence thru text & email. phone calls? outta the question. but that’s therapy shit, and i know i’ll get there. i just have to stop putting life off by staying in a comfort zone.

and it’s interesting; depression and anxiety really took everything from me, and while i was dwelling in my own misery, my adhd worsened and decided to make my entire brain revolve around my fixations, so i didn’t have to deal with my own life. can’t think about how much you wanna die and how much you can’t function in society if you’re busy thinking about a ship you like or a character you find interesting. so i latched onto the safety of that. aggressively. problem with that is that once you let your “happiness” (as much of it as you can feel in the midst of your depressive episode, anyway) revolve around an interest, that’s all you have. so you become dependent and reliant, and that’s never good, especially if you’re someone like me who feels pathetic & ridiculous when you realize it’s all you can bring yourself to care about.

and i think that’s what i realized in the psych ward (where there’s legitimately nothing to do; i did soooo much more thinking than usual, and i already think too much haha); mental illness will try to fuck up your lifestyle, so you have to eradicate the things that’ll let that happen in the first place. for example, like i said, my adhd tries to counteract my depression by making me hyperfixate and/or hyperfocus on something else to protect me from bad personal thoughts, and that’s good in theory (doing something you enjoy when you feel bad, to distract urself, is the number one most basic coping skill you learn), but i can’t do it in moderation, i let it run my life, and that’s made me worse in the long run. so i have to force myself out of that completely and not let myself fixate on things that make me happy in the short term, but don’t ultimately further me as a person. having fixations helped me through some awful times, but now i need to force myself to grow up, you know?

and while tumblr and other social media is an excellent way to indulge those fixations, it’s an aggressive enabler, in more ways than one. what i mean by that... okay, so while i’m the type of person who self-destructs while unhealthy, i do occasionally lash out. and i know some people completely explode rather than implode when they’re not doing well. and that’s how you get discourse, i think. because when mental illness makes us care much more about our interests than we ought to, and someone has a differing opinion about that interest, the instinct is of course to attack, if you’re that kind of person. i don’t think i am, but depression and boredom go hand in hand, and i might be inclined to care more about discourse than i would if i were healthy, purely because it’s entertaining and something to do.

that’s a long winded way of saying, while i stand wholeheartedly by my past positions, i do regret starting shit in the first place. i’m not the kind of person who genuinely cares about much and i have little to no sense of morality (im a chaotic neutral bastard), so the fact i was bored enough to start shit really goes against my character and says a lot about how bad i’ve been. so i apologize for all that. but, again, i think that's just what happens when something is truly your everything. and i think the chronic negativity of modern fandom is a result of how damn seriously we all take it, because we care so much and we’re so dependent. fandom’s supposed to be fun, but it’s just too damn stressful this way.

idk my point in sharing all this, but i do think it'd be cool if this kinda got yall thinking. even if you don't engage in discourse, if fandom is just one of your only consistent sources of happiness, that's not healthy either. we all gotta break out & exist more & louder & more positively. and unfortunately i think tumblr fandom (and maybe all modern fandom) is no longer a place that encourages positivity and health.

but for all my criticism, i do just wanna say how eternally grateful i am that i was fortunate enough to meet the people i call my best friends through tumblr. they're my family, truly, and all the bullshit in this fandom has been worth it simply because it brought them to me. i love them to death and i always will, even if interests change, even if we grow apart, even if we quit speaking entirely in the next few years, i love them with my whole heart in a way that transcends a simple fandom friendship and i'm so glad we bonded over sp in the first place. that’ll never change.

i will also always love south park itself. now that the cat's outta the bag about my hospital visit, i can brag about my most pathetic and obsessive accomplishment; the fact that i've never let circumstance stop me from watching a new south park as it airs, and i've now watched sp on 1) an airplane, and 2) in a psych ward. i win for most dedicated fan tbfh. dsjkf & i'll keep that tradition, and i'll still watch this stupid show til it ends! it'll always hold a special place in my heart, & kyman's still my most meaningful & long-term ship. i'll never stop loving it.

tl;dr

so, to recap; for 2020 i'm making myself step back from fandom (not just sp fandom, but fandom in general) and quit letting my world revolve around my fixations so i can enjoy the outside world a little more, mental illness be damned, and the first step is gonna be quitting tumblr. this blog won't be deleted and i may occasionally post (maybe when next season airs) but you're absolutely free to unfollow bc this'll be a mostly inactive blog. i’m also unfollowing everyone, so mutuals, please don’t take that personally.

i will, however, try to write more prolifically, bc fic writing is something i'm able to do in moderation & enjoy, and i hope to get back into it. so if you'd like, you can keep an eye out for any upcoming fanfic i may post - my ao3 is leere. i also have snapchat, instagram, & twitter my mutuals can ask for asap (bc ill be logging out for good by the afternoon of the 31st, which is tomorrow) - though i'm not very active on any of them. still, if you wanna have access to me, i’ll be there.

i want some connection to the fandom still, albeit without letting my life revolve around it, so i'll be starting a new open-to-the-public kyman discord server! the post with the invite for that will go up soon. nvm im too anxious

thank you for reading, thank you for the good times (thnks fr th mmrs), and i hope everyone has a good 2020!

#txt #mine

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artificialqueens · 5 years ago

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before the sunrise (branjie) - holtzmanns

(read on ao3) | (tumblr: plastiquetiaras) | word count: 2648

AN: Wrote this little drabble as a break from ANOTHER drabble (which is way longer than a drabble now) that I had originally started to take a break from my WIPs. I’ve been feeling like I’m stuck in a rut lately and Writ is the best for prompting this to me and cheering me on to get me out of it. I appreciate them the MOST. And they beta-ed this too, who could ask for more? Thank you for all the sweet lovely feedback on my current fics. It makes me happier than you know.

Night shifts aren’t that bad, really.

The convenience store is empty most of the time. Quiet. The rows lined with snacks and packaged food sit untouched, acting as Brooke’s only companions between the hours of 11 p.m. and 7 a.m. in the morning.

Brooke had taken the job because ballet expenses and the rent of her shitty downtown apartment don’t pay for themselves. Four months in with night shifts, it’s not too unmanageable. She has a pepper spray bottle in the pocket of her jeans and a heightened sense of awareness towards the windows and doors, watching those who pass by for any sense of possible danger.

But it’s calm. She spends most of her nights manning the register, holding back yawns. Listening to a podcast over the overhead speakers because there’s no one else there to complain that the store isn’t playing the latest top 40 hits.

Most of the time, she’s just bored.

She has her occasional regulars, people to talk to when the dead of night becomes a little too quiet. The mom of a newborn who lives across the street and comes in around 2 a.m. with her baby in tow, trying to get him back to sleep as she rocks him while she walks. The McDonald’s employee who comes by during his break to grab a pack of cigarettes every couple of days. The businessman who leaves work late enough that he never interacts with his family during the day, preferring to grab a packet of beef jerky for a makeshift dinner. The store also gets its fair share of those who’ve drank a little too much at the bar a few doors down, gotten themselves worked up. Though she’s able to redirect them, send them on her way after filling their hands with snacks.

No one has really stood out to Brooke, made her look twice just yet as she checks them out at the register. That is, until 4 a.m. on a Tuesday night when it’s raining a little too hard outside the dingy windows.

“A place actually open? Fucking finally!”

Brooke’s not sure whether the statement is uttered by a customer or a drowned rat, by the sight of the woman who’s just walked in the front door. Her hair is soaking wet and heavy on her shoulders, her makeup smudging by her eyes and making her look like she has raccoon-esque dark circles.

Brooke watches in amusement as the woman strolls up the counter, slamming both of her hands onto the table and rocking back and forth on her heels.

“Can I help you with something?” Brooke doesn’t put on much of a customer service voice for the woman, distracted by the way she seems to be shaking the drops of water from her hair onto the counter.

“I moved here about-” The woman pauses, checking her watch, ‘-eighteen hours ago. Forgot about dinner, no big. But my stomach is growling and it’s gonna be breakfast time at this rate, and what I’m saying is I need a snack or imma truly lose my shit while tryna unpack.”

“Why are you up so late?” Brooke takes a proper look at the woman, sees her baggy shirt and shorts and rain soaked skin and the way she’s slightly shivering.

“Too much energy. Couldn’t fall asleep ‘cause I started unpacking a little. And now I’m hungry.” The woman shrugs, taking a step back to look at the shelves. “You got anything good?”

“We have some microwaveable meals, if you want-”

“Nah.” The woman waves a hand. “My microwave ain’t unpacked yet. That’s a project for tomorrow. How ‘bout snacks?”

Brooke comes around the side of the counter because fuck it, it’s 4 a.m. and it’s highly unlikely that any other customers will be coming by anytime soon. The woman’s lips part slightly, looking up at Brooke once she’s beside her, and Brooke realizes just how short the woman is.

It’s adorable.

Nonetheless, Brooke points to the aisle beside them. “Got some trail mixes and chips over here, if that’s what you’re into. Some jerky, over there. Some dry cereal in that aisle, over there?”

The woman’s eyes light up at seeing the cereal on the top shelf. “Fuck, I haven’t had Fruit Loops in ages. That’s my dinner.”

Brooke wrinkles her nose. “Fruit Loops for dinner?”

The woman shrugs. “Hey, it’s got fruit. That’s healthy, right?”

“Well-”

“Dang, I can’t reach.” The woman huffs after she tries to jump, get her hand to graze the top shelf, the Fruit Loops just out of her grasp. Brooke tries to hold back a laugh at the way her brow furrows.

“Can you…?” The woman looks at Brooke sheepishly, pointing at the box.

Brooke grabs the box without having to reach too far. “I got you.”

“A giraffe. Thank you.” The woman grabs the box with a grin that lights up her entire face, and Brooke can’t stop herself from returning it.

“I think we have some milk in the refrigerated section too, if you wanted-”

“Nah.” The woman scoffs. “Fruit Loops are best right out of the box, baby.”

It’s after the woman leaves with a wave, when Brooke’s brain is replaying the way she said ‘baby’ over and over and over in her head, when she realizes that she’d forgotten to ask the woman her name.

Brooke doesn’t see the woman for another week, her night shifts a boring haze that seem to blur together. She’s tired, real tired, from the exertion she’s putting her body through during the day with dancing, her muscles tugging and straining as she rolls out her shoulders and puts away inventory. She has to hold back a yawn as she opens yet another box, wanting nothing more than to head home and have a proper night of sleep.

She knows this job isn’t sustainable in the long term, that she has to find something else. But it’s convenient, and the night shifts pay a little bit more by the hour than the day shifts do, and her apartment isn’t rent controlled and there’s no way she’s moving back home anytime soon.

So, night shifts for now it is.

The clock hits 2 a.m. as Brooke fiddles with her phone, too out of it to sort through the register or clean a little or even pretend to look like she’s doing work. She’s watching the recording of the run through of the latest show that her company’s going to put on, going over the steps from one of the acts in her head, as if the mental exercise will help solidify it once she has to go to practice in the morning.

Hey, it’s worth a shot.

She nearly drops her phone when the door to the store slams open, hitting against the wall, and her heart’s about to jump out of her chest before she realizes that it isn’t someone trying to rob the store, or anyone intimidating. No one that she’s need to pull out her pepper spray for.

No, it’s the woman from last week. Looking a lot less damp and still as adorable in a t shirt dress that could very well be her pyjamas.

“It’s you!” The woman perks up when she sees her at the register, waltzing over to lean against the counter like she did last time. “Haven’t seen you here the last couple days.”

“Have you been coming in the daytime?”

The woman nods, and Brooke shrugs. “I only work nights.”

“Ooh, a woman of the night.” The woman winks and Brooke has to hold back a snort.

“I’m not sure that means what you think it means.”

The woman remains unfazed, still grinning at Brooke. “I like my definition better, if I’m being honest.”

“I’m sure you do.” Brooke leans against the counter too, a smidge closer to the woman, notices the way the woman’s eyes widen a bit. “So, what brings you back?”

“Out of Fruit Loops. Also ‘cause I didn’t see you during the day and was wondering whether I had made up a six foot tall glamazon cashier all in my head.”

“Real, and here in the flesh. As I am most nights.” The store seems more like a bedroom to her than her actual bedroom does, considering how much time she’s been spending here.

“Good to know. Guess I’ll have to come visit more often, then.” The woman winks at her and Brooke’s not sure, really, if she’s flirting with her, because who else would voluntarily come to a seedy convenience store in the middle of the night?

So, Brooke’s gonna lean into it. Even if she’s not 100% sure on the woman’s signals. “I’ll look forward to it, that’s for sure.”

“Good…” The woman looks down, trying to search for something, and… is she looking at Brooke’s boobs? Brooke’s about to comment before-

“You ain’t got a name tag or something?”

“Oh.” Brooke feels herself turning red, any moments of suaveness dissipated. “Brooke. And nah, they don’t bother, considering the employee turnover rate.”

The woman looks unfazed. “Cute. I like it.”

She starts picking up the snacks she’s dropped on the counter, and Brooke frowns. “You’re not gonna tell me yours?”

“Vanjie. But you can call me Vanessa.” The woman, Vanessa, flips her hair over her shoulder, and Brooke has to hold back a grin, because now she can tell, she really can, that the woman’s giving her signals.

She likes it.

Vanessa comes back every couple of days after that, buying snacks, sticking around to talk more often than not.

Brooke learns that Vanessa’s moved from Tampa, a makeup artist in town for a few months while she’s working on a project that’s filming in the city. She hates the cold and rainy weather so far, but doesn’t mind the humidity. She’s brought her dog with her while in town, and pulls her phone out excitedly to show Brooke pictures of him.

“If you think I’m not going to have a meltdown over how cute he is, you’re absolutely wrong.” Brooke can’t help the way she scrunches up her hands, the way her face pouts a little, because Riley is indeed adorable. “You should bring him by sometime.”

“Maybe I will, tomorrow, if he’s not snoring away.” Vanessa tucks her phone into her pocket, dipping her hand into the bag of chips that she’s just bought, before holding it out to Brooke. “What about you, got any pets?”

Brooke grabs a handful before answering. “Kitties. Two of them.”

Brooke pulls out her own phone to show Vanessa, whose voice becomes adorably high pitched as she flips through Brooke’s camera roll, cooing at the pictures of them all cuddled up to her.

“This is the cutest shit I’ve ever seen, are you kidding?” Vanessa gasps when she sees a picture of Brooke holding both cats up in her lap. “Stop. This is the best thing ever.”

A throat clear behind them makes both of them jump, turn around, to see a slightly dishevelled man holding a package of toilet paper in one hand and Pepto Bismol in the other. “Hi, uh, can I check out?”

Brooke chances a glance over at Vanessa and has to avert her eyes immediately to keep herself from cracking up right then and there. She takes a deep breath before looking up to face the man again, and can see how positively green he looks. “I can help you at the register, sir.”

Brooke manages to keep it together until the man lets the door close behind him and he’s out of earshot. She peeks over at Vanessa, who bursts out laughing.

“That much Pepto? Shit, he probably going through it tonight!” Vanessa’s bent over in half, cackling, and Brooke can’t help but join her.

“Oh god. I bet it’s coming out of both ends.”

“Nasty. A shitty problem to have, wouldn’t you say?” Vanessa looks over at her, eyes twinkling at her, and Brooke snickers.

“And that was a shitty pun.”

“You liked it.” Vanessa nudges her, hops up onto the counter, and the motion fills Brooke with a sense of ease, an untangling in her chest, from the way Vanessa does it so casually. Like they’re friends now, like their regular hangouts at the store are for more than Vanessa just buying some snacks.

She hopes Vanessa doesn’t have to move back any time soon.

It’s 5:30 a.m. on a Sunday night and Brooke’s tired. It’s quiet, more so than it usually is, and Brooke can’t help the way she lifts her eyes up every so often, peeking at the door, looking for a certain someone.

Vanessa hasn’t come by the store in days. Brooke had gotten used to her, had enjoyed passing the time by cracking jokes and fooling around and learning more and more about her. Telling Vanessa in turn about her ballet training, how badly she wants to make principal dancer eventually.

Vanessa had listened, asked questions. Let her ramble about her financial stress and ballet stress and work stress and it’s nice, really, because Vanessa understood it too.

So Brooke misses her.

She knows that Vanessa’s had a busy week at work, that the television show she’s working on has had longer hours than usual. Still, she can’t help the way she peeks at the door, waiting.

The watch on her wrist creeps past 6:30 a.m. and Brooke only has half an hour of her shift left to go and she’s thankful, because she needs a nap before practice today. She’s about to drop her head onto the counter for some quick shut eye when the door slams open, in a way that only Vanessa can do.

“Brought you coffee.” Vanessa holds up a cup and grins, handing it over, and the first sip of caffeine is practically heavenly.

“You absolute godsend.” Brooke takes a second sip, then a third, before putting the cup down.

Vanessa puts out a hand in front of her from grabbing the cup again. “Slow down, you. Don’t wanna burn your tongue.”

“I want caffeine, though.”

“True, who needs taste buds, anyway?” Vanessa reaches over, grabbing her hand, tugging her around the side of the counter like she usually does. “Help me pick out a morning snack.”

Brooke grabs another box of Fruit Loops from the top shelf because Vanessa’s gotten her into them, too. Vanessa’s squeal of delight makes the extra sugar worth it.

Vanessa cracks the box open on the counter after she pays, shoving her hand in to grab a handful. She holds the box out towards Brooke, who grabs some too.

The tail ends of Brooke’s shifts always bring in a hint of sunlight, rays that catch in the glass of the windows as they start to rise. Dawn is Brooke’s favourite part of her shift. When the darkness starts to leave, when the rows upon rows of snacks aren’t illuminated just by fluorescents anymore.

Vanessa in the light of day has a gentle glow to her, the sunlight hitting her skin in shades of gold. She’s beautiful, even as she munches down Fruit Loops like her life depends on it.

Brooke’s about to ask her what her day holds when Vanessa reaches into her pocket, pulling out a folded piece of paper. An old receipt? Brooke can feel her brow furrowing as Vanessa holds it out to her.

“Think there was something on one of my old receipts earlier. Can you look at it?” Vanessa’s eyes are sparkling and Brooke doesn’t understand why as she unfolds it, before…oh.

A phone number.

Vanessa’s phone number.

“You mighty cute in the nighttime. Care to hang out with me in the light of day?” Vanessa reaches out, interlaces their fingers, like she already knows what the answer will be.

“Know any good breakfast spots?”

#rpdr fanfiction #branjie #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #fluff #drabble #lesbian au #holtzmanns

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damdahdi-studies · 5 years ago

Text

exam season

the last 2 weeks have been exam season. leading up to exams i ran week-long blocks of distracting websites on my mac, so I haven’t been able to get on tumblr.... so finally updating now: (more like ranting.)

one math exam left, on thursday morning

exams so far have been.... okay. none of them i feel particularly good about, but overall i think i managed to deal with the stress/anxiety better this semester than last, just a little bit

some nice things that happened before exams:

100% in Chinese speaking mock exam, listening and writing section of written mock exam. i didn’t really realise it until i looked back on my old posts and read how i felt after first set of exams just now, but i have come ... maybe not a long way, but some kind of way :] at the time i was very insecure about just myself and barely believed i could improve on my own; yet i did to a standard i never could’ve dreamed even start of this year.

somehow obtained 90% in an oral presentation i made about The Crucible by Arthur Miller. i still don’t know how I did it, but I’m glad i improved from the 60s i got last semester in presentations. public speaking still felt like hell though

top female scorer in my state for some maths competition. also have no idea how i did this, i thought i would get distinction at best.

changed piano teachers (previous teacher recommended the new one)

dress for year 12 ball next year arrived. it’s a soft grey pretty thing

my birthday was during exam season :/

also first set of my own prayer beads arrived. have been using them daily since

reflecting on each subject: (so I can read back on this after i get my marks back and be like haha.... you fool.)

Literature: better than last time is all i can say... it was okay (still felt like hell during the exam because it’s Literature) managed time during exam slightly better, I didn’t panic as much, but that’s about it lmao i’m crossing my fingers for a low 70s and double crossing for an A. i wasn’t able to or simply didn’t contribute much effort/time to literature this semester, so a B wouldn’t really be a fuck-i-tried-so-hard-why-did-i-get-this-grade kind of punch in the gut, but it would be really nice to not break an all A streak... but I highly suspect I will get a B

Methods (maths): exam was harder than i expected. hoping for a 90s though, a mark that wont bring my average down. i think i was best prepared for methods compared to other subjects, emphasis on COMPARED to other subjects. -_-

Physics: ahh physics. a whole debacle happened during the exam, please see below. other than that the exam was... kind of expected difficulty? which is difficult, but it wasn’t terrible-terrible. i’m hoping for an 80s. i really can’t hope for much, i was probably delirious half the time. i did manage to ‘finish’ (attempt every question) though i wish i got more time... i couldn’t double check many questions and there was this one question i wanted to spend more time on but oh well...

summary: i threw up once before the exam, twice during.

ate a blueberry bagel with cream cheese, with some salmon on top for breakfast. looking back, it was probably the salmon.

didn’t feel good after. got to school feeling pretty sick in the stomach and a pretty bad headache.... which escalated to one of the worst headaches ive had in the last 3 years in 20 minutes

at this point i could tell something was wrong and that i was about to throw up

went to the toilet, tried to throw up whatever was causing pain to my body, but couldn’t. only ended up scaring away some poor kid in the next cubicle

FIRST TIME: left toilet. sit still for 10 minutes outside, feeling progressively worse. go back to the toilet, then throw up a lot. gargle, wash face, go back to find everyone filing into the exam room.

feeling slightly better at this point since ive thrown up (i thought i had emptied most of my stomach by then. spoiler alert: no) and decide internally to just do the exam. (if i don’t, then i would have to fill out some form, probably do the exam way later. too annoying)

SECOND TIME: so i sit the exam. 5-6 minutes into reading time, i feel another wave of throwing up coming. i raise my hand, i’m at the very back of the hall, so examiner takes a bit to notice. my brainwashed ass brain thinks i can’t stand up and leave without the examiners spoken permission, so i persist in sitting in my seat for around 10 seconds until she’s there, i’m already throwing up in my mouth at this point. finally something snaps and i make a break for the toilet, but it’s too late and i throw up all over the floor. in the exam hall. Fuck. i immediately apologise on the spot.

examiner leads me to toilet. i throw up some more. gargle, wash face. she asks me to step outside for a couple of minutes for fresh air and i do. 5 minutes later she comes back and asks me if i want to continue the exam. i say yes. we go back in, the vomit is gone from the floor. she moves my seat closer to the exit, and tells me i can bolt out whenever i need to throw up. i sit the exam.

some time after this, the other examiner leaves a vomit bag next to me just in case

THIRD TIME: an hour in? i feel another wave coming. i grab the vomit bag, make a dash for the toilets but the stupid old door won’t open properly. the examiner helps me open the door and i throw up in the toilets, in the vomit bag this time. it’s not as much as the previous two times. tie up the bag, throw it in the bin, gargle, wash face.

instinctively i feel that this is the last time i’ll throw up, that i’ve truly emptied everything from my stomach this time. headache is way weaker at this point.

go back in and examiner asks me if i’m really sure i want to continue the exam, whether or not if i want to fill in a form excusing myself from the exam. i say no.

about an hour left in the exam, which i sit in utter peace

didn’t get any extra time.

apologised to some people around me after the exam while filing out of the hall... i suffered but they did too.

went home and drank some stomach soothing tea. slept

ate porridge for the next 2 days.

Chemistry: it was.... okay. i did finish and attempt every question. there were a couple of questions in multiple choice i was iffy about and a question in short answer i was like um... what? to, but other than that it was.... eh. i didn’t study much for it, so whatever mark i get i deserve. if i do defend myself it was 3 days after the shit show that was the physics exam, and i felt sick for at least a day after.... but yeah. should’ve tried more.

during reading time, the examiner who saved my life put the vomit bag on my desk in the physics exam came and asked me if i was feeling better

i said i’m feeling good thanks : )

like an hour later? i feel sickness coming. not stomach this time, just general sickness. somehow i get a fever and subsequently, the FLU in the middle of the chem exam-

i highly suspect i got it from the examiner

come back home to find out that i really do have a fever

this was yesterday. yes i’m sick now. like, more sick.

Chinese: this was today. i’m still kind of too traumatised to reflect on it properly. Chinese is the only subject that ive studied the yr 12 course for this year, so this exam really counts. like 35% of my final grade counts kind of counts. and i did pretty bad. like pretty bad. it was definitely more difficult than the mock exams, and the recordings in listening section were quicker than previous years. the writing section was... traumatising while writing i kind of had a wave of anxiety/panic hit me? i could feel my heartbeat my face was burning and i started sweating ;-; and even the reading section, which is usually okay, was a bit hard. i’ll get the marks back and my final grade for this subject in December - we’ll see until then. got a slightly overdue birthday present before the exam tho :)

So yup. that’s my exam season. i’m typing this instead of studying for my maths exam day after tomorrow but hey, i’m sick and need rest, right?

overall, these exams i managed to keep control of my stress a bit better, i wasn’t so overwhelmed like last time. last semester i could barely live, literally. this time i made the habit of living at the library which i found really helpful and comparatively productive, i’ll definitely be using that strategy more often. i’m just glad i managed to study SOMETHING or prepare for exams explicitly this time, because i was simply too overwhelmed to do that last time. i improved. maybe not by much, maybe it doesn’t seem like much, but it’s better than none...

i’m not saying i don’t have regrets or shortcomings in these exams. i definitely do. DeFinITEly. but doesn’t mean i didn’t improve. i did improve. just, maybe not as much as i wanted.

i really learned to the bone this time that learning during the semester is so, so important. i think that’s just a wisdom i’ll have to carry through the rest of my academic career.

wish me luck for my maths exam on Thursday

my friends and ive already planned an outing for after the exams :)

also getting overdue birthday presents next monday! :D

#exam #high school #student #exam season #exams #study #studying #studyblr #chinese #sick #mental health #stress #overwhelmed #anxiety

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yangingaround · 5 years ago

Note

one thing that annoys me is people going but team rwby are traumatizied when the same thing could be said about ozpin ozpin was a like an old war vet who had ptsd and trauma . ozpin had every right to keep secrets I am sick of people trying to paint ozpin as a bad person or manipulative because he kept some secrets which needed to be kept secret due to many betrayals and if they go out it will only help salem like the relic if info is leaked to salem it will help her. ( lionheart 1/2

“Anonymous said to yangingaround:

was his friend and he just betrayed him to salem a short time ago and he has been betrayed many times in the past so why should he immediately trust team rwby who he doesnt know as well ( and given how they reacted to salem being immortal saying it was pointless it shows ozpin was right in keeping salems immortality a secret the entire reason they kept salem a secret was to prevent the loss of morale ,feeling it was pointless etc )(not to mention yangs hypocrisy 2/2

Anonymous said to yangingaround:

I am sick of the whole oz kept secrets so we cant trust anything he says ignoring that team rwby have kept secrets and told lies many times and they like to pretend its different when its not . ozpin isnt at fault for summers death her dying on a mission is not oz’s fault . ( oz protected humanity this attempt to paint oz as a manipulator or like dumbledore or taking away peoples choices ( check itsclydebitches tumblr she made a post on that ) is bs ( and salem always blames other people ½

Anonymous said to yangingaround:

for her actions like going the deaths of the people who fought against her are somehow oz’s fault or claiming ozpin is a coward for going away after just seeing the worst moments of his life and his friends turning on him and what qrow did to him he was stressed out and needed to go back inside giving qrow what he wanted he was crying and the claim that this was cowardice is utter nonsense he needed to escape from the abuse so he left the only way he could 2/2

Anonymous said to yangingaround:

also the claim that ozpin never tried to unite humanity is complete and utter bullshit his entire plan was to unite humanity and by rwby v1 he was close to achieving that goal the closest he had ever been ( ozpin was the king of vale)

—

okay, briefly coming out of semi-retirement on here because this just dropped in

this was kinda the wrong blog to send this to, because none of the mods are on Oz’s side

but let’s start from the top:

Oz had no right to keep secrets when those secrets were endangering lives (keeping the fact that the relics attract Grimm put hundreds of innocent civilians in danger for no reason because the heroes weren’t prepared), and he was purposely leading the heroes to on a pointless suicide mission rather than be straight with them that he had no plan

on top of that, he’s millennia old, so the fact that he can’t get over his thousand year old hurt feelings is literally not anyone else’s fault but his own, and he’s endangering lives over it - he’s had multiple lifetimes to get over it, and it’s made clear from Jinn’s description of things that for the most part he just moped and did nothing

second, Ozpin is manipulative, we see that in how he interacts with Pyrrha, coercing her into becoming the Fall Maiden by taking advantage of her nature and ensuring it by presenting it as an ultimatum - “become the Fall Maiden or the bad guys win” isn’t a choice, no matter how many times Qrow and Ozpin insist otherwise

it’s not just the keeping secrets thing, though that is part of it (oh, and FYI, his claim that he only keeps secrets and lies because he’s been betrayed in the past? was a lie, the first thing he did when meeting Salem again after reincarnating was lie to her, and he had far less sympathetic reasons to lie to her than she did to him - she was afraid of being judged by the one good thing her life ever had, he was lying to her because the God of Light told him she couldn’t be trusted. and we have confirmation from the writers that the gods are heavily based on Greek mythology, and those gods were assholes), he’s manipulative for far more than that

(oh and maybe Lionheart betrayed Ozpin…. because Ozpin lied about the mission… and Lionheart got scared because he couldn’t trust Ozpin… wild concept but maybe Ozpin is the mastermind behind his own destruction)

and no, Ozpin wasn’t right to keep it secret, because they still found morale after that initial despair, but here’s the thing, if they’d known from the start, shit wouldn’t have hit the fan that hard - knowing how bad things are from the start is a lot better than thinking you’re in a better position than you really are; because when that truth comes out it’s a lot further to fall

Ozpin demands trust but never reciprocates and then acts hurt when he’s inevitably betrayed over it, that’s his fault, no one elses

and funny you should mention Yang’s ‘hypocrisy’ because that’s a brilliant sticking point that would have entirely made your argument if it wasn’t top of the line, absolute Grade A horseshit

Yang keeping a single secret about Raven over a very personal issue when that secret no longer has any value to the rest of the group (they already have the Relic and the Vault is already dead, the Spring Maiden no longer holds any value to Ozpin as Relic’s already out and Salem doesn’t have much reason to pursue Spring knowing that the Relic is out of the box) is not the same thing as Ozpin lying to the group by keeping information from them that could get them killed. so show me where the hypocrisy lies here because i’m not seeing it. acting like one small, harmless act is comparable to thousands of constant lies

when RWBY keep secrets, it’s because they have to, they never do it simply because and have never done anything to intentionally endanger lives while Ozpin does it without a thought

oh and here’s a shocker, by being the person sending Summer on mission, Ozpin was knowingly endangering her, so yes, he actually does hold some responsibility for her death - that’s how the chain of command works

and ‘Oz protected humanity’, interesting. did he? let’s see what Jinn has to say:

“Thus began a long and painful cycle of death and rebirth for Ozma.Some lives were spent in mourning, many were spent attempting to forget it all.”

yeah, sounds like to me, he spent most of his time running away from the problem, so his current behaviour is on brand, at least (also this scene reveals that he lied about the whole “i merge with the next guy i reincarnate into” thing because it’s made clear that until very recently he just suppressed them; and drank at least a couple to death, so add everyone he’s ever possessed to his body count - and the people he jumps into don’t have a choice but to get involved because he can take over whenever he likes)

and i’ve already addressed that he did take away people’s choices, because he doesn’t give them choices, don’t tell me to read someone else’s post and not argue the point yourself, i pay attention to the show, okay? i can understand what’s happening in it - Pyrrha, ultimatum. the rest of the gang after Yang and Weiss arrive, ultimatum (by not so subtly hinting at Raven’s cowardice as a negative quality they should shy away from). all the people he’s ever possessed, only recently did they even get autonomy and that’s only because he lets them have that. every student who has ever attended the four main combat academies - the entire premise of the schools is a false pretense. it’s not to train warriors to protect the world (hell, the very concept of Huntsmen and Huntresses being the sole defenders of the world is almost propaganda in quality because they’ve only been around for less than a century - humanity got on just fine without them before that), it’s so there’s an ever-rotating array of meatshields to protect his god-summoning paperweights. which puts the deaths of the likes of Gretchen Rainart on him too (as well as the fact that as Headmaster he has a duty of care and he tries brushing those deaths off like “they made their choice” which is a disturbing detachment from responsibility)

and yes, Ozpin is a coward for running away, because this is his fault, and he decides to hide himself away than deal with the consequences of his actions - he’s not a child, he’s not some scared little boy who needs his mommy to hold his hand - he is a millennia old asshole who is very much responsible for the mess everyone is in right now, or did you miss the part where Salem was peacefully holing herself away where no one could bother her? or that he was the only good thing in her life and by stabbing her in the back first by running away with the kids instead of talking to his wife when she got a liittle too edgy (which, by the way, wasn’t even her fault because the only reason she was like that by that point was because she’d tried to kill herself and didn’t know this result was a possibility, and that’s one slip after a near decade of happy marriage) and taking the first hope she’d had in so long away; of course she’d snap

that’s what Ozpin does, he builds people up on lies so they don’t know how far the drop really is - just because his goal is ostensibly noble doesn’t mean he is, especially when his actions are anything but

“needed to escape the abuse” holy shit. okay, this is a joke right? it’s a joke?

being called out on your bullshit is not abuse. people getting angry at you because you lied to them, manipulated them and were planning on letting them die for a cause that you know to be pointless is. not. abuse.

i don’t care if he was crying, that doesn’t mean anything - “oh look at the poor sad millennia old wizard, he’s upset that people are angry at him for the blood on his hands which he has no problem sticking his hands back into”

and i wouldn’t call what Oz did in the Great War ‘uniting’ humanity. considering what that amounted to was forcing the other reining monarchs to kneel to him after he beat them up (as well as the Queen of Vacuo, who was his ally), dismantled their power structures to replace it with the council system (and destroying any remaining semblance of real governance that Vacuo had, leaving it a chaotic hell-pit wasteland) and built the schools (which were meant to not answer to any of the Kingdoms) as a front so he could stay in power and control across reincarnations

yeah, some unity - all that demonstrates was that he never really had a problem with the “beat people up to make them do what you want” plan he and Salem had the first time

Ozpin is a very old, very pathetic coward - he doesn’t learn from his mistakes, he repeats them over and over again then acts like it’s someone else’s fault. he refuses to trust people yet gets angry when they refuse to trust him, he lies to people constantly but tries to dodge out of it than take responsibility, when his secrets endanger the lives of others, instead of acting like a fucking adult and facing the consequences for his actions, for the god knows how many lives he has damaged, ruined, destroyed, how he willingly endangers lives rather than tell the truth for no good reason, he runs away and leaves everyone else to pick up his mess

he’s a coward and RWBY and the others have every right to call him on his bullshit. they’re a lot younger than him, they have more room for mistakes and growth

he’s had literally all the time in the world to be a better person, and all he’s become is a lying, weaselly coward

-Mod S

also, read the rules:

#rwb/y #yangalysis #long post #not a comeback #someone decided to rant in this askbox #i decided to rant back #Anonymous

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lapis-lazuliie · 6 years ago

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why eggscellent is the best rs episode

so you all know this episode is my #1 favourite in the entire show, and nothing you can say will change my mind. below i’ve written a pretty long, almost detailed, reasoning of why i hold this one in particular so close to my heart and i would put it under a read more, but again, tumblr on mobile is complete horseshit

so lets get on w/ the “review/rant/opinion piece” ;

i’m going to start at the argument scene between benson and mordecai. what i love most about it is how well recognised it is. i don’t exactly know how to put it bc of course it was “”“well recognised”“” since jg himself wrote the entire episode but…..it’s just such a tense moment already, and it becomes suddenly Worse when mordecai socks benson in the face

the entire argument between them is so emotionally charged and you’re not given a moment to ‘breathe’ until the next scene rolls over of mordecai ordering the omelette. the episode definitely deserved its’ emmy, but that scene ALONE is worth a lot of praise. it was so well written and it’s crystal clear jg /loved/ those two characters in particular

honestly……and i have absolutely no qualms typing this……..i truly think a flip switched on the show after this episode

for the first two seasons, it was really the viewers learning about who these characters are and the world built around them; us seeing the hilarious banter between mordecai and rigby (and others lol), and sure the first few episodes of the 3rd season did that, but when eggscellent aired…….it was an entirely different ballgame

the core of the show is really mordecai and rigby’s friendship; we see their antics through seasons 1 + 2 where it just exists w/ a lot of hilarity in the situations they get in. but nothing actually happened to showcase that friendship (and their characters) propery until ‘eggscellent’, where we were introduced to a truly dire situation where their relationship and mordecai’s character were put on complete display

in the earlier seasons, rigbys defining trait was that he fucks around and doesn’t bother with the backlash from it. mordecai’s defining trait was recognising the responsibility put on him and using that…….(there’s probably a better, more obvious trait, sorry but it illustrates my point plus it’s like 12:30am right now and i just want to get this out of my system lmao….)

in the episode, these traits take an absolute turning point in that it’s not all fun and games anymore; rigby does a completely idiotic thing that lands him in a coma and mordecai makes absolutely no hesitation in stepping up to the plate and making the right decision by doing what rigby now can’t

yes rigby still does fuck up in episodes (and seasons) after this and mordecai still has to stick up for him sometimes but that situation obviously made their friendship a whole lot stronger, and it made the audience extremely aware of the lengths mordecai will go for somebody he deeply cares about…..and that trait was shown countless times after this through various episodes. it made us come to the realisation of how important rigby is to mordecai and had us love their friendship even more bc of what mordecai was willing to do for him

bensons defining trait is his inability to put up with bullshit, namely mordecai and rigby’s bullshit. just as he comes to learn rigby could possibly not wake up from the coma, his IMMEDIATE understanding of the situation is “this is what your idiotic behaviour gets you. this is what happens when you don’t listen to me and this is a perfect fucking learning curve for you two”. and while mordecai can understand this to a certain extent, he still has no hesitation in punching him straight in the face for it bc now is not the time to bring this shit up, especially in the worst fucking situation imagineable and their argument starts from there before mordecai walks out

being on the outskirts of this relationship, benson only witnesses a fraction of mordecai’s caring nature for rigby. but what he doesn’t see or at least doesn’t exactly consider is the absolute compassion and responsibility mordecai feels when faced w/ a scenario where their screwing around takes on an entirely different set of circumstances. and it still doesn’t comprehend bc he’s never fully grasped the idea of them being two seperate people. yes he knows mordecai is capable of responsiblity, moreso than rigby, but it’s somewhat easier for him to simply jam them together because a majority of the dangerous shit caused around the park is always their fault. mordecai could easily blab to benson a lot of the time, but bc of his basic dedication to staying by rigby’s side, he chooses not to, and so benson really has no choice BUT to see them as a unit no matter the situation they find themselves in

a lot of what benson’s about is work and that’s very clearly shown to us from the get go. it’s who he /is/, he’s the boss at the park and that’s all we really get to see of him (until the first few episodes of s3 where we’re given some honest insight into who he used to be and currently is), so of course he holds a certain expectation for the employees who work under him. he expects rigby to do this shitty thing and pay for the aftermath later. he expects mordecai to follow along and pick up the pieces that’ve been dropped by him

bc he’s grown so used to their daily fuck ups, it comes as no surprise to him that rigby lands himself in the hospital from an absolutely idiotic decision he was consciously aware of making. and bc benson is so strongly aware of this, he has the absolute gall to turn around and tell mordecai exactly why this has happened; because they skipped on work

to reiterate: he wants the two to come away from this knowing that a very real and terrifying thing has suddenly come about because they didn’t do their fucking jobs. and this is the exact kind of shit benson had been trying to avoid since hiring them. to him, this was GOING to happen. this was inevitable

these characters and their relationships have already been so well established that having a situation between them suddenly be cranked all the way to 11 is of course going to call for some incredibly needed development; not only does mordecai physically lash out at benson, he also verbally attacks him too by admitting to him that nobody truly cares for him beyond the general boss/employee relationship. it’s extremely harsh and is said in such a cold way that we’re just sat there wondering when benson’s going to speak his mind again to counter with him

but he doesn’t. of course he doesn’t. and why? bc that punch to the face and those verbal insults were a fucking wake up call. in all the time he’s known mordecai, this is the very first instance where he sees firsthand just how mordecai takes on the emotional backlash from shit like this. and he stands there and takes it because he knows mordecai is 100% in the right in his actions and his words; and even if he isn’t, benson takes it on anyway bc mordecai has every fucking right to react like this from being fed such a ballsy piece of bullshit in an incredibly extreme situation that shouldn’t call for this whatsoever

it’s in mordecai’s exact reaction that benson’s logical, “no bullshit’ attitude comes to a grinding halt and he’s suddenly forced to take a step back and really come to terms with seeing mordecai for who he truly is without rigby by his side for the very first time since he’s known him. it’s mordecai’s raw devotion and love for the people he cares about, in this case: rigby, that causes benson to come to the gradual understanding of how much he truly fucked up in saying what he had before

in an earlier s3 episode, benson tries unsuccesfully to get rid of a stick hockey game mordecai and rigby find holed up in the garage. though the two want to know why he’s so against them playing it, we’re not exactly told much of anything until close to the end of the episode, where it’s revealed to us that benson used to be a stick hockey champion and had taken a young apprentice under his wing by the name of dave. without going into details, dave is killed in a match against a man named chong and since the incident, benson has had to put away another facet of his past until the duo dig it up again. so he has no choice but to go down there and play chong, thus winning and getting the closure he needs with daves death

you would think bc of all this, bensons empathy card would come running through the gate as soon as he realises just how serious the situation is. if he wasn’t constantly wearing a shell made of wax paper, maybe the first thing to come out his mouth would’ve been “oh shit mordecai i’m so sorry” instead of “you fucked up and this is why” like a decent human being

……okay

when benson realises what he said was completely uncalled for, he not only apologises to mordecai, but he takes it upon HIMSELF to give him jonthans own book and work with mordecai to complete the challenge, and this leads into what has to be one of my favourite uses of a licenced song in this show since its airing; bonnie tylers ‘holding out for a hero’ played over an animated 80s-esque training montage

the music has always been a main fixture of the show for a lot of people. older audiences can very much appreciate the brief nostalgia trip while saying aloud “they got that song in here? kudos to them!” and younger audiences can appreciate the flashy colours and coming to the realisation that this was played in the cinematic masterpiece that is shrek 2, while both can be similitanously distracted by how truly boring these scenes would be without music overlaying them. that’s the beauty of a montage, folks; no matter the age, they’re still enjoyable to watch….unless they have a shitty song playing over them. 'holding out for a hero’ was such a perfect song choice to have in this episode; not only does it encapsulate the utter cheesiness of every training montage of the 80s but it fits for the exact scenario that rigby is in. i don’t need to spell it out for you bc it’s already there in the damn title, but let me just say that jg could not have chosen a more 'right’ song than this one

they stop outside the restaurant, and as everyone clambers out of the cart, we get ANOTHER one of my absolute favourite scenes between benson and mordecai; i believe this scene was christened amongst the rs fanbase as 'the apology scene’, where mordecai admits to benson that he is a good friend despite how much of an absolute dick benson can be sometimes. it’s incredibly sweet and written in a very direct way; from what we’ve already seen between them up until this point, there is no doubt mordecai holds a complete plethora of feelings about benson and their relationship, benson likewise upon suddenly learning just how highly mordecai values the friendships around him, his own with rigby especially, and instead of getting all choked up about it, mordecai makes it very clear that as of right now, it’s all he has say to benson, and it’s from bensons reaction and one line response that it’s all he needs to hear from him too

in that brief moment, without so much as a few sentences said between them, they’ve come to a mutual understanding of one another, in that both are very aware of just how much this situation has impacted their previous “water and oil” relationship. in fact, this scene was so ridiculously important that in the middle of his commentary for the episode, jg pauses midsentence to watch this scene play out, despite already knowing exactly what happens in it, bc he recognises how pivotal it was in not just their relationship, but in the series as a whole

in an earlier draft of the episode, jg explains in the commentary that they were going to have rigby upchuck the omelette then have the sick come to life and train him in beating the challenge. hilarity and moral questioning ensues when he slowly realises he’s aiding rigby in eating his own kind for a stupid hat and a fight breaks out in the restaurant

not only do i personally fucking adore this change, obviously, but i also find it incredibly interesting in that the absolute craziness of a general episode, where rigby is very much awake and is the main character, is switched out for an episode that showcases the utter importance of friendship, and how rigbys fucking around can get him almost killed, which is what we had seen in previous seasons, but never this bad. in a roundabout way, rigby is the main character, even if he isn’t consciously aware for a second of the events happening around him, bc we see the complete fallback rigbys idiotic decision has on not just mordecai, but benson too

jg clearly took this episode idea and fucking ran with it. it was the only episode to win them an emmy, and rightfully so; every single scene is an absolute masterpiece and it pales in complete comparison to almost every other episode following it. with a show so trenched in its tagline “anything but regular”, the much needed turning point comes as an absolute surprise to the audience, where the core of the show is flipped on its head and we’re suddenly told that your moronic behaviour can have extreme backlash when you’re unaware of the consequences that come with it. having benson and mordecai be front and center of it all, the two characters who are very knowledgable of the sheer stupidity rigby can pocess at times, is so fucking perfect in itself bc it forces them to push aside their differences to work together in something benson would usually find as completely ludicrous and would most likely opt out of if the stakes weren’t so high

i’ve already said before that i love this episode and i will continue to love it bc it is so fucking important. in the 11 minutes of runtime, jg manages to write an episode that, at its core, is about friendship and the lengths you’re willing to go for somebody you deeply care about, while also developing a relationship that goes from absolute hatred to the beginning of a friendship based around that very lesson

though the show had produced some truly great episodes from various board artists, jgs always seemed to have a very distinct style to them; they were always wacky and fun, but took on a serious note at times while also hiding some sort of message underneath the antics, and as every show creator, he was highly keyed into the beats of his show. one of the main reasons this episode was so incredible is bc it was made by somebody who has an extreme love for and deep understanding of his characters; yes the artists episodes were fantastic at times, but when it comes down to it, the creator really does know them best, and being the sole artist for this episode gave jg a ton of creative freedom to try his hand at throwing them into such an intense situation for the first time, where mordecai could potentially lose his best friend and seeing just how everybody responds to the weight of that scenario is exactly something we, the audience, needed to see. and the shows creator healming the reigns for this entire episode was just 👌🏼

you really could not have trusted anybody else to board this episode

#regular show #i wrote this at 12am....it took 3 hours and i still had to do some touch ups in the morning #i know there's shit repeated but i was Tired okay #also sorry for the swearing. i'd been bingewatching lily orchards 'glass of water' series and her speech pattern flowed pretty easily in #this lol #she speaks #long post #eggscellent

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ibelieveinahappilyeverafter · 6 years ago

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Villainous Heroics - Chapter 2

Look, let me give you the short of it. I fell in absolute love with this AU and now I have the full story plotted out to be around eighteen chapters when fully written. I have not written this much in months. It's worth it.

Note - In the original AU designed by @corndog-patrol, Hizashi worked at a McDonald's type place, but I changed that to be a coffee shop for multiple reasons - mostly because Shota is more likely to go for coffee over actual food and because I am a writer of cliches.

Click here to read the work on Archive Of Our Own.

Click here to read the work on Fan Fiction Net.

If you found yourself enjoying this, then check out my writing commissions.

⍣ I have a Patreon! ⍣ ☪ I have a tip jar! ☪

Summary: Eraserhead is an underground hero who is constantly busy and doesn’t have time to be dealing with new villains - even if they aren’t all that villainous and make the night interesting.

Present Mic is the latest up-and-coming villain in the world and he has a point to prove to everyone out there - as long as he doesn’t keep getting distracted by Eraserhead.

Aizawa Shota is someone who soon learns that there is more to someone than the mask they show to the world - especially when it comes to playing heroes and villains.

Yamada Hizashi learns that there is more to heroics and villainy than he could have ever thought - especially in a world where some heroes still care about those lost in the shadows.

(Inspired and dedicated to corndog-patrol’s Villain!Mic AU on Tumblr.)

<<First/Last Chapter>> <<Next Chapter>>

Chapter Two

Yamada Hizashi knew well what this feeling was. He had never felt it as strong as he did now, but what else could it be? Whenever he was around him, Hizashi found his palms becoming drenched in nervous sweat, his heart tripping into overtime like the beats of an EDM song, and his words stumbling over each other in their rush to get out as quickly as possible. He had known the stirrings of this feeling when he was younger and didn’t know the world as well, but now at a comfortable thirty, he knew this was real.

Hizashi was head-over-heels in love with the hero known as Eraserhead and no one could tell him otherwise! Every waking thought seemed to be filled with that suave, mysterious, and sexy man that was always quick to put an end to the fun of ‘Present Mic.’ It was like Hizashi could think of nothing else these days.

“Oi, Yamada! Get your head out of the clouds and go be cashier!” Startling at the rough voice of his boss, Hizashi hid a pout as he shuffled over to the cash register with a long-suffering sigh. Genius was never appreciated in its own time, he supposed.

“Welcome to Lovely Coffee, how may I help you on this lovely day?” If the customer noticed how unenthusiastic he was, she didn’t comment, only ordering with a monotone voice as she stared down at her phone.

Hizashi sighed and tried to focus his thoughts on work even as they kept straying back to Eraserhead. While he had heard of the hero before his villainous debut, he had never known just how funny the man was. Eraser could kick his ass into next week, had a sharp, dry wit that most people seemed to miss, and didn’t even really seem angry whenever he ran into Present Mic - although there were a lot of insults and mocking, when Hizashi reflected on it.

Well, that just meant it was a challenge to get something else out of him! Hizashi may be a villain, but he was a realistic villain with realistic goals. That meant he wasn’t going to stop until he managed to capture Eraserhead and charm him into a date that, with a good deal of luck, would end in a kiss - maybe two!

The only real problem to his master plan, though, seemed to be the fact that none of his traps ever wanted to work. If Hizashi wasn’t stumbling into them himself, then Eraserhead was disabling them with ruthless efficiency or turning them back around on Hizashi himself. He was pretty sure the police were getting a laugh out of Present Mic being brought in with his own handcuffs stuck on him.

“Welcome to Lovely Coffee.” Maybe the problem was that Eraserhead seemed to take him too seriously as a villain. “How may I-” Hizashi’s words tangled around a startled squeak as he finally noticed who his next customer was.

“Oi, I don’t look that bad.” The words were light and amused more than anything, but Hizashi couldn’t even respond because Eraserhead was standing right in front of him. What was the statistical probability of Eraserhead coming to the coffee shop he worked at? Low. Those odds had to be very, very low. Right, okay, Hizashi was being stared at. He just needed to act natural.

“N- No! I didn’t mean- It was just- Sorry!” Well, at least he wouldn’t be mistaken for his villain persona since his hair was down and he was wearing his regular prescription glasses with the hideous, bulky frame. He also couldn’t seem to get two words out. “How may I help you?”

The man’s eyes trailed to the board behind him and Hizashi couldn’t stop a wince at how sleep deprived he looked. He knew Eraserhead worked nights primarily, but did he ever sleep? His eyes were bloodshot and worryingly red and the bags under his eyes were the size of the sun. Maybe it had something to do with the man’s quirk? Hizashi didn’t know much about Erasure, but he had certainly heard stories considering the prefecture he lived in.

“I’ll just have a black coffee in whatever size is the largest.” Oh, jeez, Eraserhead really didn’t sleep any, huh? He also didn’t seem to have any sense of taste whatsoever if he was asking for black coffee.

“Of course. No problem.” Grabbing a cup, Hizashi glanced behind the man. While there was no one behind him waiting to make him do this, this was still a great opportunity. “What’s the name for the order?”

“Aizawa.” Scribbling the name out with a marker, Hizashi tried to hide his success. While he didn’t know the man’s first name, now he knew that Eraserhead’s name was Aizawa. It… was a good name. Giving his name also proved that he didn’t know who Hizashi really was. “Can I add espresso shots?”

“Oh- Yeah! Definitely.” Really, Hizashi supposed that was unsurprising. The man looked like the walking dead. Hizashi hoped that the other would be able to take a nap, soon. “How many-”

“Six.” Eraserhead - Aizawa - looked him dead in the eyes and didn’t even blink at Hizashi’s expression - which was pure and utter terror.

“S… Six? You, um, you do know-”

“I know.” Right. Okay. Sure.

“Of course, sir. I’ll get right on that.”

While Hizashi would have been delighted to use this opportunity to get more information out of the man, he’d wait until next time they met as hero and villain. Right now, he was a poor barista who was behind on his rent, and Aizawa was a sleep deprived man who had ordered six shots of espresso in his black coffee. Hizashi was only mortal.

A few nights later proved to be his next fated run in with what would one day be his star-crossed lover. Hizashi had done his research this time, though, and had been ready for every possibility - except for the manufacturer of his latest trap to be a pile of shit.

Caught up in Eraserhead’s scarf and thoroughly unable to move, Hizashi tried not to thank the man for punching him – he at least took some solace in the fact that his brain-to-mouth filter wasn’t completely broken. He also had some solace in the fact that before Eraserhead had shown up, he had dealt with a couple of gang members that were known for beating up teenagers who wouldn’t join them.

“You’re a horrible villain.” The two were face to face and Eraser looked honestly flustered, trying to catch his breath as he pushed his goggles up to rest on his forehead. Hizashi supposed he had put up a bit of a fight, this time, where he was still high off adrenaline from his first fight and the fact Eraserhead had joined him when the gang had started getting a little too pissed.

“Does that make me a good hero?” The question slipped out before he could stop it, and he almost wished he could take it back as soon as it was out - almost. He was too curious as to how the man would respond to really want to take it back.

“No. It makes you a nuisance.” Ah, well. Hizashi could at least say he was expecting something like that - of course he was. Him? A hero? It was the funniest joke he had ever heard. A part of him that had never quite let go of that dream, though, felt utterly crushed. He quickly hid it with a wide smile.

“Ouch! You wound me, Eraserhead!” It hurt - reminders like that always hurt - but, well, the show must go on.

“I wish,” Eraser muttered, kicking at Hizashi’s heels to get him moving. Hizashi dodged the kick as he started walking, frowning at the man as he did so.

“Hey, hey, these are some high-class leather boots, you know. Do you know much time and money boots like this cost?” Dodging another kick, Hizashi decided that for as in love as he was, Eraserhead was still a little shit. “C’mon, I helped beat up some known thugs, can’t you take it easy on me?”

“You also started a bar fight earlier and threw three people out a window.” Staring for a long moment, Hizashi finally shook his head with a frown.

“I thought it was four?” He could have sworn it was four… Oh, right. “Ah, right, the fourth one was me.”

“Mm. You also robbed a thrift shop.” The look Eraserhead gave him was full of judgement. “There was a jewelry shop right next door, you know.”

“Yeah, but good people work there. The owner of the thrift shop isn’t. He’s a dick who says he’ll sell you back something at the price he gave to you for it, and instead he jacks up the price by almost ten thousand yen.”

“Is that why all his papers and receipts were on fire when I got there.” Was that amusement? Hizashi swore that was some amusement in Eraser’s tone. “That’s illegal, you know.”

“Well, I am a villain.”

Not even an hour later and Hizashi was being handed over to the police in the area, waving at Eraserhead as he was cornered with some paperwork. “Good night, Eraser. I’ll see you next time!”

“Please don’t.” There was what could have almost been a smile on the man’s face as Hizashi let himself be pushed and pulled towards his usual holding cell, the officer guiding him shaking her head.

“You know, if you need help, there are places you can get it - programs and opportunities that you could take part of.”

“Mm, no, I’m good.”

While a few of the cops, like Shelly, were sweet and genuinely concerned about those who deserved it, some of them were utter assholes who were villains in their own right. Hizashi made sure to remember who those were and let them know just how ‘annoying’ he could be when they were on duty.

The ‘regulars’ in the holding cell were much the same way. Some of them were nastier than any villain could be, but a good deal of them were just people down on their luck or in the wrong place at the wrong time.

“How’s your love affair with that hero of yours, Mic?” Swooning into the cell as soon as he was uncuffed, Hizashi clutched his heart and collapsed onto an uncomfortable metal bench.

“I’ll never recover, Lydia, I swear it. Eraserhead is my true love and soulmate and I’ll never be able to do without him again.” The woman snorted and laughed, tired expression leaving in favor of an honest smile.

“You’ll get him. Soulmates always find a way to make it work, after all, yeah?” As Lydia talked, she shifted to hide a younger girl behind her better, Hizashi frowning at the action. “Hm? Oh, Lucy. It’s her first night. Not a good one, either.”

The girl, Lucy, looked to just barely be in her twenties with a shirt a size too small and shoulders and midriff uncovered and bare to the world. Hizashi could easily see why the two were pressed into a corner of the cell, Lydia’s gaze sharp and angry on any man that got too close or let his gaze linger for too long.

“Let me tell you about bad nights,” Hizashi groaned, pitching his voice higher and aiming for dramatic as he stood up with a stretch, fighting with his jacket before getting it off. “I almost thanked him for punching me.”

“You are a wreck, aren’t you?” Lydia stared at the jacket as Hizashi held it out, only taking it when Hizashi gave a smile. “A sweet one, though.”

“Oi, oi, there’s no such thing as a sweet villain!” As soon as the jacket was around Lucy’s shoulders, the girl lost some of her tension, looking at him with a slow smile. “You’ll vouch for me, right, Lucy? I’m the meanest villain on these streets!”

“The absolute worst,” Lucy nodded, voice quiet and small as she slid her arms through the jacket and tucked it around her.

“See, Lydia? You worry so much and yet Lucy here is going to be stronger than me.” The two girls looked at him and Lydia finally gave a sad smile, shaking her head.

“Baby, what are you doing playing villain?”

Before he could answer, there was a tapping against the side of the bars, drawing their attention. “Alright, Present Mic, get over here and make your phone call.”

“Finally! Here I thought you guys were ignoring me, too!” Hizashi pouted and hid his unease at Lydia’s question as he bounced over to accept the burner flip phone, dialing up the number of his boss. “How long am I here for, this time?”

“Two days, at least.” Shelly crossed her arms, looking like a disapproving mother. “More if the owner of the bar and thrift shop press charges.”

“They won’t.” Probably. Shaking his head, Hizashi chatted an excuse as a message that his boss would hear tomorrow morning. Hopefully the man didn’t fire him, but a suddenly out-of-town trip to see his dying grandmother was probably a good enough reason to miss – besides, Jamie could use the extra hours he would be giving up.

Two days would at least give him enough time to think over his latest run-in with Eraserhead and the words that were now stuck running through his head.

You’re a horrible villain.

Baby, what are you doing playing villain?

Such a villainous quirk… Who would ever make you a hero?

Ah, well… He was doing this for more reasons than just ‘playing villain.’ Besides, if he had to be a villain, the least he could do was have a little fun with it.

#bnha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #erasermic #mha #villain!mic #corndog-patrol #villainous heroics

13 notes · View notes

jaehyunpeachy · 6 years ago

Text

i am you // you are me - yoonkook - 5k

some weird soulmate shit happens.

read: yoongi keeps running into this cute cashier boy. and they keep matching?

(music to listen: 1. belief - mabinc 2. i am you you are me - zico 3. soulmate - zico ft. iu)

man, seoul has a completely different atmosphere and air to it - way different than in daegu. literally, the air smells different here and yoongi thinks it’s not necessarily a bad thing, but the fact that he notices this small and random detail just makes him a little more depressed because he longs for his cozy home back in good ole d-town.

he’s lounging in a flimsy lawn chair on his apartment balcony and distastefully sniffs the stuffy seoul air again. his mind wanders back to old, familiar places - the bustling family restaurant, his mom’s soothing voice, his father beckoning him to taste the family’s famous galbi-jjim , his brother’s annoying method of showing affection via noogies when yoongi grudgingly accepts his chores for the day.

the fond memories in his head are juxtaposed with the outside sound and sight of the bustling nighttime atmosphere. everything in seoul is so,fast-paced , even the night life, which he can clearly see from his vantage point. he hasn’t really gotten used to it all, more like, barely tolerating it. he’s kinda stubbornly refusing to settle completely which serves to make him more homesick and then he’s stuck in this cycle of stubbornness and nostalgia and longing and stubbornness and nostalgia and longing.

yoongi breaks his nostalgic reverie when he stands up, the chair loudly scraping against the floor. if he’s going to drown himself in memories and be a sad, depressed sack he might as well do it right - with some alcohol.

he checks the fridge to grab a can of beer but fuck - he’s out. all that’s left is a pack of sliced turkey meat, a sad pile of lettuce, a lone half-empty gallon of milk, and a fully empty carton that used to hold eggs.

damn, his produce is mocking him.

just a few hours ago when he opened his fridge he saw the same turkey, lettuce, milk, and egg carton and the word minimalism smugly appeared in his head. yoongi prides himself on not being wasteful; he’s able to use each and every one of his ingredients until they’re completely gone, thank you very much.

but seeing as he’s in a less than ideal mood to be holed up at home and he has a dire need of alcohol, yoongi tears his eyes away from his sad produce, grabs his wallet and keys, and wrestles himself into a big sweater to combat the chilly night-time seoul air. he grumbles as he steps out of his apartment complex. daegu was always on the warmer side. who knows, maybe the seoul air will help clear his head. maybe.

yoongi finds himself deep in thought as he’s walking, a result of his melancholy mood and the atmosphere of night probably. as a result, he doesn’t realize that he’s actually not walking in the direction of the nearest 7-eleven. when he hears the distant sound of a car angrily honking five times - goddamn, chill - he’s shaken out of his thoughts and glances at his surroundings.

nice. he’s in a random alley.

well, way to go min yoongi. this night is just continually fucking with him and becoming more and more disappointing. he takes a minute to inwardly curse at himself for his obliviousness before he has the smart idea of grabbing his phone out his pocket. he googles the nearest convenience store. the top result is ten yards from his current location.

he rounds a corner and walks a few paces before he spots it. only a single neon sign that reads “ level” adorns its storefront and he assumes that’s what the store is called. yoongi power walks toward it, through the front door, and straight towards where he thinks they should be keeping the alcohol because dammit, he is a man on a mission.

somewhere on the other end of the store, which isn’t actually far from where yoongi stands now, the clock goes from 11:59 to 12:00.

yoongi surveys his surroundings. he’s bombarded with neon colors from every angle, which makes the store feel bigger than it actually is. from the outside, it looked cramped and dull and drab and not colorful. due to this very misleading outward appearance, yoongi immediately thinks that this is exactly the type of store that is empty seventy-five percent of the time and will most likely be out of business within the next month.

okay, it is midnight, but yoongi can tell when a store is being frequented or not, in this case: not. it’s the only possible explanation as to why his sneakers squeak so unusually loud on the unusually pristine tiles.

he strides towards the refrigerated area and for some reason, he feels a strange sense of familiarity, like he’s been here before; a type of vague awareness that comes from something like a dream.

actually, yoongi’s seen stores like this before. namjoon has a very cultured and particular sense of tumblr aesthetic and this store fits the bill perfectly.

yoongi chalks that niggling feeling as a latent reaction to all the posts he witnessed namjoon reblogging to his tumblr, as they sat on the couch on their respective phones. he’s suddenly bitter again because now, with his current situation and location , he can’t even call namjoon out for trying to be hipster because he’s too far away to even see namjoon or his stupid hipster-aesthetic-whatever tumblr in person.

yoongi spots the alcohol, finally, and grabs two - he hesitates and turns around - three bottles of the brand he likes and walks to the checkout station.

well fuck, he was hoping for a some sort of self-checkout machine - this is seoul, the largest metropolis of korea after all - but he should have known not to expect anything when he set foot inside.

god, he’s too impatient and drained and sad to deal with another human being but sucks up his feelings once again as he steps up to the counter. no one is actually there and yoongi spots a bell and rings it twice. a couple more times, more insistently, for good measure. suddenly he feels his phone buzz in his pocket. he checks and sees it’s from namjoon.

at that moment someone stumbles out of the ‘employees only’ door and utters a quick apology for making yoongi wait.

yoongi quickly glances up from the phone and sees that the cashier is a young twenty-something boy. all he sees is a mop of soft brown hair and just under it, a pair of soft brown eyes which he unwittingly makes eye contact with. but suddenly it is broken - the cashier beginning to ring up yoongi’s items, and yoongi looking back at his phone.

dance monster [12:10 am]

hyung

you’ll never guess wat happend today

me [12:10 am]

what

dance monster [12:11 am]

so u kno that tattoo i got a while back ????

me [12:11 am]

joon ur gonna have to be a little more specific

dance monster [12:11 am]

ok ok that one on my wrist !

the moon one !!1!1 !

me [12:11 am]

so...what

dance monster [12:11 am]

idek hyung like

ok fuck

this sounds so weird but like

for some reason i woke up this morning

me [12:11 am]

a goddamn miracle

dance monster [12:12 am]

shut up hyung

anyway i woke up

and now i have a new sun tattoo

me [12:12 am]

wait

what

dance monster [12:12 am]

idk !!! hyung idek wats goin on ajoer

i think it’d be better if u called me

asklejroijga

“excuse me?”

right, yoongi still needs to pay for his things. he jams his phone into his back pocket and fishes for his wallet. he awkwardly fumbles for some bills, “ah, sorry - here you go,” and all but flings them on the counter in his haste to get back to his conversation with namjoon and to go back home and avoid strangers altogether, let alone semi-attractive strangers.

it looks like his original plan of drowning in sorrow will have to be put on hold. nonetheless, he welcomes the new interruption in the form of his dear friend.

right as yoongi’s about to exit the store, the cashier calls out to him.

“um,” he pauses cutely, “nice sweater.”

yoongi looks down. it’s an old number, one that jimin got for him as a christmas present. it’s kinda not his style because it’s colorblocked - well, color in general - but it’s the first thing he found as he left his apartment and it’s oversized and it’s a gift. from jimin. so.

he looks up again and sees the exact same sweater on the cashier.

o-kay. what a coincidence.

at this moment, yoongi gets a really good look at the twenty-something cashier boy. well, as good of a look as he can seeing as half of cashier boy’s body is obscured by the counter.

the cashier is clearly taller and bigger than yoongi but the sweater still looks oversized and his fingers just barely peek out from under the sleeves. yoongi gets a good look at cashier boy’s doe eyes and button nose and his whole look just screams soft. fuck semi-attractive. this guy is possibly the most attractive guy yoongi has ever seen. the most attractive person in seoul, by far. at least to yoongi’s standards. and this is only the visible half - yoongi gulps - doesn’t even want to think about anything lower than that.

he eloquently chokes out a word. “cool.”

real smooth, min yoongi.

well, time’s up. yoongi’s just about done with social interaction and he’s itching to get home and he wants to maybe forget this whole thing because goddamn, he’s awkward and the cashier is cute.

cashier boy blinks and fuck, yoongi can see his eyelashes from here. and then, cashier boy smiles , all twinkling eyes and soft lips, “have a nice evening, sir.”

yoongi bolts out of the door.

jungkook just barely managed to keep his fluster in check. he tried to not to stare at the strange man’s silvery hair, or at his sharp profile, or at his attractive piercings, three silver hoops on each ear - fuck, since when did jungkook find piercings on anyone but himself attractive?

but the thing that caught jungkook’s attention the most was the sweater. not the fact that it was so large that it swallowed the man’s entire frame but still made the entire fit scream effortless and attractive. not the fact that the color palette complimented his silver hair.

they had the same fucking sweater?

taehyung, who is privy to jungkook’s unique tastes, had carefully chosen the very sweater as a christmas present. he claims that he happened upon it in some random thrift store and thought it screamed jungkook and bought it even though christmas wasn't for another three months.

jungkook thinks otherwise. the sweater is just. so nice. taehyung probably bought it at a non thrift shop last minute, which would explain why jungkook ran into another person also wearing it. yeah. that would explain the coincidence. it’s definitely embarrassing, but people are bound to be caught wearing the same clothes, seeing as they’re mass produced for that reason - to be worn.

as he starts cleaning up, jungkook silently thanks himself for choosing the night shifts at level supermarket because 1. he likes staying up late 2. he gets to meet interesting and colorful characters like that one sweet ahjumma with cotton candy pink hair that comes in every day at 9:36 pm sharp to buy a bag of lollipops and nothing else, for example.

jungkook’s checking the inventory for the third time - it always helps to be extra thorough - but his mind begins to wander back to that silver-haired man.

a small - admittedly very small - part of him wants to never see that man again because he was a stranger, a very attractive stranger, and jungkook acted like such a freaking loser. god he’s blushing again. but the bigger- much bigger - part of him wants to see the silver-haired man again. like, he was fucking attractive. but also something about a frustrated looking man coming in a store at midnight that hardly anyone ever comes to just.

he’s like a novel jungkook is itching to read.

jungkook just wants to know.

jungkook wants to know. jungkook wants to know how this man likes his eggs cooked. does he have any tattoos? is he a morning person? okay, maybe not that because he’s up and about at midnight.

what is his opinion on soulmates? does he listen to dean? what does his smile look like? does he like smiling? is he a smiley person? is he doing okay?

because most of all, jungkook wants to tell him that things are going to be okay. something about this man seemed - lonely and jungkook has an urge to reach out and be like, me too, i understand, i hope you’re okay.

but. jungkook shakes his head to clear the thoughts. he’s doing it again. he’s getting ahead of himself and he’s doing that fantasizing thing he tends to do. at his core, jungkook is a very kind and empathetic person and the times he does feel good about himself he wants to meet people and reach out. back at his small hometown, the people were very friendly and accepting, and this made it easy for him. and with the town being so small, eventually jungkook knew everyone and everyone knew him and he was very comfortable with this.

however, this is seoul. and after making the difficult decision to leave the comfort of his town to pursue his dreams in the form of a dance degree, jungkook has learned that not everyone feels the same way in this city.

‘city people’ he thinks with distaste - but mostly - disappointment.

jungkook closes and locks the store’s front door, as well as his hopes for seeing the silver-haired man again. he’s no stranger to how this kind of thing works. nothing good happens when he gives into wishful thinking.

as soon as yoongi is back in the safety of his apartment he calls namjoon. “joon, what’s up?”

“okay, so. like. yeah. i don’t know, hyung!” yoongi goes to open a bottle of beer, his silence prompting namjoon to continue.

“i just woke up and now i have a new sun tattoo on my wrist! honestly, it looks pretty good paired with the one i already have of the crescent moon.”

“well, as long as you’re happy with it joon, i guess it’s cool.” yoongi takes a long gulp, “could’ve been worse. could’ve woken up with the word ‘penis’ tattooed in large letters instead.”

namjoon cackles heartily and yoongi smiles at the sound. “yeah, you’re right hyung.” he laughs again, “this is like some weird soulmate shit.

yoongi elegantly swallows some beer down the wrong airway. “yeah,” he coughs a few times to clear his throat, “come to think of it-,”

on second thought, maybe yoongi will keep cashier boy to himself. what happened earlier that night still felt - unreal. yoongi feels like he’ll break the enigmatic anonymity of the attractive cashier boy if he says anything.

“hyung?”

“no, nothing. nevermind,” yoongi changes the subject, “how’s that new track going?” and namjoon enthusiastically explains his progress.

the next day, yoongi finds himself slouched at his desk, pen tossed somewhere to the side. he’s looking down at what he can only call organized chaos atop his desk. this is usually how his song production process starts anyway. he scans some of the lyrics he just scribbled all over and he sees stuff like ‘ enigma and mystique ’ and ‘ eyes that hold stars ’ and ‘ deer in headlights... i’m struck by your beauty mystery loveliness- ’

uh-huh. yup. okay. yoongi stands up and gathers all those loose leaf papers in a pile and goes to deposit them in the wastebin.

he pauses and throws them in a random drawer in his nightstand.

he needs to get out. he grabs his leather jacket draped across the back of his desk chair and power walks his way out of his apartment.

yoongi finds himself wandering the city again and wait. it’s that store again. what the fuck? did he just subconsciously make his way to back to the store and it’s attractive cashier-

shit. yoongi sees said cashier boy through the front windows, presumably stocking a shelf. he gets up and starts walking back to the counter, but as he’s doing that his body faces the front doors, which probably puts yoongi in his plain sight.

yoongi quickly backpedals, hoping he hasn’t been spotted.

he stands in place for a beat.

he refuses to acknowledge how hard his heart is hammering.

after much internal debate, yoongi decides that fuck it. he’s already here and he sees a huge jar of cheese puffs from where he’s standing and he might as well get that. because. he needs. inspiration.

he walks in, trying his best to put confidence in his steps and not looking at the cashier - who is now sitting at the counter with earphones and bobbing his head to a beat and is he humming?

yoongi walks down the chip aisle, deciding that he needs to have different flavors on hand when he gets tired of the cheese puffs.

over the top of the aisle, yoongi can see cashier boy stretching and fuck. his shoulders look good in that leather jacket too.

yoongi reaches the end of the aisle and is about to stroll into the next one, but almost trips on his shoelaces of his black converse. he kneels down and glances at the counter, seeing that the cashier is now standing. they make awkward eye contact and yoongi quickly goes back to tying his own shoelace, not before seeing a flash of black converses disappearing behind the counter.

when yoongi goes to pay for his items, cashier boy has taken off the leather jacket, leaving him in a simple white tee with a simple supreme logo. and now his incredibly toned biceps are out on display. wow. is it getting hot in here? yoongi sees the veins in cashier boy’s arms when they flex to hold the large container of cheese puffs. yoongi gulps.

it’s too hot - yoongi strips off his own leather jacket and slings it over an arm. eyes looking anywhere but the cashier, he taps his foot and waits for cashier boy to state the price and yoongi can pay and then he can leave.

except. cashier boy hasn’t said anything for a little while. yoongi chances a quick glance upwards. cashier boy is staring at - yoongi’s chest? fuck, did he wear his kumamon jammies out or something?

but like, if this boy has something against kumamon, yoongi has a serious bone to pick with him.

yoongi glances down at his own shirt. then back up at cashier boy. then back at his own shirt.

weird. yoongi’s wearing a supreme shirt. cashier boy’s wearing one too. cashier boy squints, like he’s suspicious of yoongi or something.

yoongi clears his throat, “uh - can i pay for my things?”

this seems to shake the cashier out of whatever stupor he’s in, “ah - sorry.”

yoongi pays for his things and goes to grab the bag the cashier is holding out for him to take. yoongi overshoots a little; okay, maybe he’s a little flustered and accidently knocks his hand against the cashier’s.

there’s a little clink as yoongi’s ring bumps against cashier boy’s.

okay. fuck. they’re wearing matching rings too?

they both face each other with similar looks of shock and confusion. before either of them have a chance to say anything, yoongi books it out of there real quick.

something weird is going on and jungkook doesn’t know what to do.

he’s just minding his own business, listening to offonoff’s new album while doing his math homework at the register to keep an eye on the store in case anyone does come in. it’s midnight but still.

then, jungkook sees movement in the corner of his eyes and realizes that someone has come in without him noticing.

it’s the silver-haired man again. and shit, he looks really good. he’s standing in front of the snack shelf, with his hands in the back pockets of his jeans and he’s wearing this large leather jacket.

jungkook does not salivate.

but wait. jungkook looks down at himself. how is he also wearing a leather jacket?

it must be another fluke. jungkook hurriedly stands up and takes his jacket off, pacing around for a bit.

he looks over at the silver-haired man again and sees him tying his right shoelace.

jungkook looks down at his shoes.

his left shoelace is untied.

a mixture of mild horror and panic starts thrumming through his body, but he refuses to tie his shoelaces and resumes his nervous pacing.

he turns around and jumps slightly. the silver haired man is right in front of him, fidgeting with his hair.

jungkook goes to ring up his purchases, which are all comprised of various family size chip bags. he goes to ring up the last item, a jumbo container of cheese puffs, and pauses. the silver-haired man has taken off his leather jacket and. why. is he wearing a supreme shirt. like jungkook.

jungkook stares dumbfoundedly at that stupid supreme logo and the man’s prominent collarbones before he clears his throat and asks for jungkook to ring up the total.

right. jungkook hurriedly bags everything and thrusts them towards the man, hoping he’ll leave quickly.

the man accidentally knocks his hand against jungkook’s and this time jungkook does not hide his shock.

you've got to be fucking kidding. they have matching rings. it's like they're a couple or something.

what. is happening.

the next night after his shift at the local coffee shop, yoongi actively seeks out level convenience store, as well as its resident attractive cashier. he’s wearing this ostentatious, bright yellow, furry thing. it’s so. loud. and lowkey ugly. hence the reason why he’s out at night.

however, yoongi swears his sweater is bright enough that he’s probably glowing in the dark.

but, yoongi also needs to prove a point. whatever cosmic fuckery is going on, whatever deity is fucking with him, yoongi just wants to prove to himself that this is all bullshit. running into a cute stranger repeatedly is enough, and yoongi doesn’t need any other unexplainable shit happening.

jungkook is tapping his foot, a habit of his that surfaces only when he’s nervous or anxious. jungkook is definitely focusing on math homework and definitely not looking out for a certain silver-haired stranger.

he rubs his nose with the sleeve of his sweater and almost sneezes. geez. jungkook had asked taehyung to lend him his craziest article of clothing at the moment, seeing as taehyung’s fashion style is overall - crazy. so, taehyung tossed him the first thing he laid eyes on in his closet, and it was this gucci sweater. gucci my ass, jungkook thinks. this sweater is just a very good excuse to cosplay as big bird.

jungkook just wants to figure out what is going on. like, he meets some cute stranger and-

holy shit. he sees said stranger standing outside on the sidewalk.

okay, somebody up there must hate jungkook because - he looks down at himself just to make sure - both of them are once again, matching.

like, how does the stranger still look striking in such an ugly sweater?

jungkook can only stare as the stranger swiftly turns around and bolts down the street.

yoongi slams the door of his apartment closed, breathing heavily. he looks through the peephole to make sure no one had followed him. he’s not taking any chances.

that’s it. something is up and yoongi’s solution is to - hole himself up in his apartment.

wait, can he do that? oh yeah, it’s friday. and he doesn’t have any shifts until monday. fantastic. he can devote himself wholeheartedly to his unfinished tracks over the weekend.

yoongi wakes up saturday afternoon, but allows himself the luxury of lounging around in bed for a few more hours. this effectively brings the start of his day well into saturday evening. he fishes around for some spare instant ramen packets, and begins working as soon as he gives himself some salty sustenance.

his weekend goes by like this: immersing himself with writing lyrics and producing elementary beats for a few straight hours and then taking short naps in between. he eats if he remembers. or if namjoon reminds him.

all in all, he does a good job of not thinking about the weird stuff that’s been going on, and especially about the soft-looking cashier boy.

except.

yoongi stumbles out of his bedroom, finally succumbing to his stomach’s urges, as well as namjoon’s rapid texts.

he fumbles around for a cup of ramen - his last one, he’ll have to refill - and goes to find a scissor to cut off the plastic wrap.

his fingers slip and he ends up cutting himself.

he sighs as he looks down at his bleeding finger. he dabs at it lightly to try to clear away the blood, but it just keeps oozing out. he grabs a tissue and presses on the fresh wound, waiting for it to clot, but the blood just keeps coming.

what the heck? he didn’t cut himself that hard.

ah, shit. he doesn’t have any bandaids.

he checks his phone. 2:55 am. is there a store open at this hour-

there might be one.

before yoongi thinks about it too hard, he wraps a clean tissue around his finger and books it out of his apartment. he’s not about to hold a tissue around his finger for the rest of the night to keep it from getting infected.

as he fast-walks to level convenience store, yoongi thinks about cashier boy again for the first time in awhile (a couple days.) maybe whatever matchy-matchy curse or spell or shit is over, since yoongi hadn’t seen or even thought about the boy. wow. an achievement.

cashier boy probably isn’t even there, seeing as it’s so late.

whatever, yoongi just needs to grab some bandaids and then he’s out.

he heads into the store, notices that the register is unattended, and goes to grab a box of bandaids. while he’s at it, he stops by the ramen aisle to refill his stock.

as he makes his way to the register, he sees someone now sitting behind the counter. yoongi stops in his tracks. it’s cashier boy. he looks as stunning as ever. and he’s fiddling with one of his fingers, which happens to be bandaged. he looks up and only then does yoongi continue walking towards him.

none of them say anything as cashier boy rings up his items, but he does raise his eyebrows slightly when he notices the blood-soaked tissue around yoongi’s finger.

after he pays, yoongi doesn’t leave right away. instead, he rips open the box of bandaids and slaps one around his finger.

“how did you hurt yourself?”

holy shit, even cashier boy’s voice is attractive - what the fuck - with a soft, lilting tone to it.

“uh, i cut myself trying to get some ramen.” god he sounds stupid.

“wait, really?” cashier boy’s doe eyes widen - yoongi sees his eyelashes, - “me too! i was doing inventory and had to refill some ramen for the shelves and yeah.” he gesticulates with his injured finger.

yoongi is silent for a moment. they even have matching wounds.

“this shit is real, isn't it?”

cashier boy tilts his head. “oh. you mean the weird clothes thing-”

the lights in the store flicker and then suddenly fade out completely.

yoongi panics for a second as his eyes adjust to the darkness, but that initial shock instantly goes away as soon as he sees cashier boy’s big eyes reflecting the street lights outside.

he finishes cashier boy’s sentence. “...yeah. the weird clothes-matching thing.”

“well, my best explanation is that the universe continually derives pleasure from fucking with me.” cashier boy pauses, “n-not that it's always a negative thing! i mean, this time wasn't so bad!” he rubs the back of his neck sheepishly, “i-you - sorry! i didn't mean to make that sound like an insult to you.”

yoongi chuckles, “hey, it's fine. the universe likes fucking with me too.”

cashier boy shyly ducks his head.

yoongi looks around the store, now shrouded in complete darkness. “should we maybe find the fuse box or something..?”

cashier boy sits down on his stool. “nah, it’s fine. this happens quite often, actually. i don’t even know why you bother coming here when there are plenty of 7-eleven’s,” he sighs, “this store is pretty shitty and rundown.”

“i don’t know. i kinda like the warm, colorful vibe.” yoongi thinks, also, it’s because you’re here.

“well, the longest the power’s been out was like, thirty minutes.” cashier boy unlocks his phone and begins scrolling through, “um - you’re free to leave..? i have everything under control.”

yoongi makes no move to leave and hops up to sit atop the counter. in doing so, he’s inevitably brought himself closer to cashier boy. when yoongi turns his head, he sees cashier boy up close, ensconced in moonlight, the contours of his face highlighted by shadows.

yoongi stares at cashier boy’s dark eyes, and at his eyelashes as they fan across his cheeks when he blinks slowly.

yoongi’s eyes are immediately drawn to his lips when he worries them between his teeth. if they begin leaning into each other’s orbit, none of them are the wiser.

suddenly, yoongi feels a sharp sting on his forearm. at the same time, cashier boy jerks away, hissing in pain.

something is etching itself into yoongi’s skin and he squeezes his arm to try to take away some of the pain.

his arm is still searing when the lights flicker back on.

“god, what the fuck was that-” yoongi looks down at his right arm, all red and puffy, and sees a tattoo.

it's a lock.

yoongi looks up in shock.

cashier boy has a similar look on his face. and on his left arm, is a tattoo of a key.

there's still specks of blood on cashier boy's fresh tattoo and yoongi grabs a nearby napkin and slowly dabs on it.

cashier boy flinches slightly, but yoongi places a hand on his upper arm to comfort him, to ground him. yoongi traces the boy’s tattoo lightly with his thumb and looks back at his own. a perfect match.

“i’m yoongi. min yoongi.”

cashier boy smiles softly. “jungkook.”

me [12:01 pm}

joon

quick question

so like

did anything weird happen

before ur tattoo appeared

dance monster [12:15 pm]

i mean

not that i can think of ??

hyung just cuz u and jungkook had some storybook soulmate romance doesn't mean smt like that happened to me

me [12:32 pm]

well what happened that day

dance monster [12:44 pm]

nothing really

i just had a study session with jin

me [12:49 pm]

‘study’

what exactly were u two studying

dance monster [12:50 pm]

hyung

need i remind u that jin is my metaphysics and epistemology tutor and wait wat were we studying ?

oh yea !!!

~metaphysics and epistemology~

me [1:00 pm]

you think he's cute, don't you

dance monster [1:05 pm]

im not answering that

me [1:06 pm]

im sensing a blush

dance monster [1:10 pm]

actually

now that i think about it

i came into that session late that day

as i was leaving my apartment i somehow

hit my knee on the doorframe

and fell

and dropped all my stuff

left a nasty bruise

also got a paper cut across my right palm as i was tryna pick up all the books in a hurry

me [1:16 pm]

you would

i fuckin bet smt like that happened to jin

hello

joon?

yoongi is rudely awakened by big bang’s ‘bang bang bang’ - why did he let his boyfriend pick his ringtone?

said boyfriend stirs in his sleep, burying his face deeper into yoongi’s shoulder and wrapping his arms tighter around yoongi’s waist. “mmph - hyung. make it stop. let’s nap more.”

yoongi turns his head and places a kiss atop jungkook’s forehead, “sorry baby. just let me take this real quick.”

he blindly grabs around for his cell phone and sees namjoon’s caller id lighting up.

“what.”

“hyung! what the fuck. what is happening.”

yoongi groans. “yes, what is happening. please enlighten me.”

“me and jin have matching bruises! even cuts and everything! i met up with him today and remember that cut i got on my palm? he had one too, and then we realized we have the same injuries!”

yoongi tries to process this information as fast as he can with a sleep-addled brain. “so, he’s a masochist?”

“no! god, no. he’s the one with the sun tattoo! remember how my sun tattoo appeared? well, he’s the one that had it, and he said that a moon tattoo appeared on him! like mine! hyung, we’re matching!”

“well, congratulations.” yoongi sounds grumpy, but he means it. “though i feel bad for jin. you’re a fucking klutz. don’t kill him before you ask him out officially.” he yawns. “i’m going back to sleep.”

with that, yoongi hangs up and turns back to wrap himself around jungkook.

“hyung, what was that about?” jungkook murmurs with his eyes still closed.

“nothing. just some weird soulmate shit.” he buries his nose in jungkook’s fragrant hair. “let’s go back to sleep.” ~

#bts #bts fic #suga #yoongi #jungkook #soulmate #soulmate!au #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #yoonkook #sugakookie #mine

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shadowfae · 3 years ago

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**breathes in deeply**

(vent)

So I'm a soulbonder who's looking to make a new bond to a particular person and nothing is working.

I know a lot about this person, I know a good amount about their world, and I know what I need to do, but none of the things I've tried have worked. I've bonded people before in both intentional and unintentional ways. This is unusual for me. I don't quite know how to handle what's going on here.

I know what's probably causing it. My mental health kinda tanked between this and the last time I called a new bond. Like. I've started experiencing psychosis issues intra-headspace. Thankfully I've avoided anything that severe in meatspace, but I have had increased issues with my pre-existing executive function and emotional regulation issues. Every time I think I've gotten somewhere with bonding this character it's only been psychosis issues and discernment issues, and it's really, really disheartening.

But even aside from mental health issues, when I'm relatively lucid I'm not having luck.

I've tried summoning, I've tried inviting, I've tried direct "hey come here", I've tried indirect "hey we'd like to talk", I've tried yanking them, I've tried directly appearing to them in their own world, I've tried just trying to talk to them before. Most of these I've tried more than once. Nothing has worked. There may have been contact in the past (and seemed positive-to-neutral about learning more about this place and visiting), but at this point I really doubt even the more reliable incidents. Something should have worked here, and I can't shake the feeling something is going very wrong.

I know I should probably give up and move on at this point, as it's been literal months. Honestly I've asked a lot of places for help and I've looked into what resources I've been able to find on their source world and bonding in general, and my options are running dry. Nobody would blame me for giving up. But I have my reasons not to. I have a feeling about this, and they're in a situation I don't feel like leaving alone. Like, everyone they thought they could trust screws them over. I also DESPERATELY want to at least talk to this person. This entire situation is so fucking frustrating. I'm at the "try shaking cat treats at them" phase.

Also I can't talk to anyone about this because 1. dude's source is from my own AU, and is technically my oc, 2. the places I can talk about this shit are not open to sensitive parts of this, going assume I'm lying, or uh, were exposed to a few cringey false alarms on related things, 3. it's been long enough and constant enough that it's too much to talk about the full extent of this nonsense. 4. My SO can't tolerate this person's source world, so I won't make them endure my prattling.

Because I needed isolation added to this clusterfuck.

Anyway that was good to get off my chest, feel free to throw this into the tumblr void with the identities of anon asks if you want. Or post it, I have no investment in the fate of this.

Mmmm, it looks like there are several issues here that you're facing.

I want to ask: do you have any other bonds right now? Because maybe getting them to try will help, just because their methods will be different than yours, and sometimes you just need a second set of hands. (Or fins, as Albafica wants me to make sure you know.)

There could be a ton of things blocking it, and I would suggest dealing with your psychosis issues first. Not give up, but put this on hold until you know what's causing the psychosis and have dealt with it. You do not want to forge a bond on such a shaky foundation. I'm not saying 'psychotic people can't soulbond', flames forbid I am, I'm reading that this is a new and difficult thing, and you don't want unknown variables getting in your way, especially when they can induce things that look similar to soulbonding but really really aren't.

I have to account for my Devil powers every time I do a spell, ward, or fuck around with the headspace. Because I'm the host and the god in the room, and things answer to me when they won't to anyone else, and Albafica's commentary on that is "stop locking me in a room with your crazy sentient brambles that only speak static whenever you're majorly upset" and I think that's not fair to me, that only happened once and it was accidental, but you get the point. That's a variable you need to be predictable and accounted for.

Then yeah, past that it looks like they're just not willing, and if you want to bond, you need to see it from their side. Because to some random person in their world, you probably feel / appear like a particularly dangerous spirit that's trying to eat them. Al agrees that's how he'd take it if someone pulled that on him, and he's very untrusting on his best days. So it sounds, so far, like your approach is not the best for this.

If you rule out medical reasons for your psychosis - and that is not an easy thing to do, please check out medical things for that, you don't want to fuck around with it - it could also be them refusing you and using their own wards. (Or at least, I can see the line of thought between them trying to stop you and such backlash; but that's an option to consider after medical issues.)

If you can get in contact with them, you need to ask one question, and one question alone, and do not pass go or collect your 200$ until they've answered clearly: do they want you to stop?

You haven't said why you want to bond with them so badly, and motivation is a key factor here. With Goni, he showed up looking for Luco and serves partially as the adult to go to when shit gets bad and also as the resident prettyboy and slut. Al is logical and blunt and his remarks cut deep, but he gives a damn and functions as lieutenant where Goni's advisor and backup. South is uh, he's the demon commentating about how much we should just kill people and he's right, he is, but that's illegal. He also serves as the youngest and the most prone to extreme emotions, and when someone else is doing the extreme emotions, it makes it that much easier for the rest of us to keep our heads. He says what I'm thinking, and then I can deal with it rationally.

They're all people, and they aid each other as well in headspace, but the bond between host and bond is a bit different than bonds with each other. I pilot the body most of the time, I handle everything in meatspace, they help me do that. It's simple: keep the guy who pilots the body running, get body privileges.

And what you need to consider here is not only what they can do for you, but what you can do for them, and how exactly you're going to coexist. Because while my triad of fishmen help me, I also help them, largely because uh, /gestures at the fact they all died in a war in various gruesome ways and the journey they took to get there was actually worse/. It's all fun and games until they're here, away from the danger, and then there's the exotrauma.

Goni handles it by not handling it until he has to and right now we're working on actually acknowledging that he's got issues. South deals with it by being resentful as all hell and incredibly violent and yandere, but being allowed to not pull his punches is still so new to him that it's actually quite good for him to get to say what he's thinking and be respected for it. Al's grumpy about it but is trying to build something of his life now before he falls apart. He wants something to hold onto first, which is smart. Trust Al to figure out the most logical way with none of the words and then adamantly refuse to let that go wrong. He and I both understand bullying the universe into giving us what we want, and since he has full utter control over his own mental processes thanks to being able to make my Devil powers do what he wants, I don't think anyone's going to be able to interfere with his ability to do that.

So now I have to ask for you: what is this bond going to be doing for you, and just as important, what exactly do you expect to be able to do for them? Because they're also an OC, and they may have some goddamn feelings about that. They may see you as having coincidentally written down their life, they may see you as channeling it, or they may see you as the one who made it happen. All of which you'll also see in fictionkin spaces. If they fall into the last category, they're gonna be pissed you didn't give them a happy ending, and they're justified in that, and so are you for not doing that.

You have to be prepared - especially from reading between the lines of your ask here - that they're not going to be as functional as you want them to be. When we handle our exotrauma, we're a mess. Everything gets put on hold to deal with it, and even then, we rely a lot on our partner system (Faolan and the Nebulaic Collective) to keep the body from crashing so we can hold onto our life instead of falling apart utterly for a week straight. We don't do jack entirely with the four of us, and it's better that way.

The fact that you can't rely on anyone outside of yourself, especially considering 1) they don't seem to want this, 2) your attempts either very coincidentally happened alongside or caused serious mental issues that need urgent attention from you, and 3) you don't sound prepared to handle the severity of what you're implying it to be; all goes to show that this reads to me like a terrible fucking idea. I mean that honestly and gently and bluntly.

I don't mean 'give up and don't do this', I mean 'seriously dude either you're not giving me context or you haven't thought nearly hard enough about the realistic way this is going to go', and if it's the latter, no wonder you're having issues.

I already know who my next bond will be, and I know what needs to happen for him to show up. Right now, the four of us are functional, and we have a good Thing going on, sleeping arrangements and all. If we're getting another, a Space needs to open up for him, job to keep us functional that he can do as well as a part to play in our dynamic that is currently not being met. We got Adult (Goni), we got Logic (Al), we got Emotional Teenager (South), we got Has Context And Admin Access (me).

(Side note, South is vaguely 17-19, but he's been treated like he was five for most of his life and has been forced to rapidly oscillate between genuinely horrifying scenarios and being incredibly sheltered, so trying to put any sort of 'he's an average X year old' is downright impossible. He's on the upper end of teens and we call it a day there, and if he hears a word of "you're not old enough to do X activity" then I have to stop him from sending you graphic descriptions of things he can do to your insides and that's no fun for anyone so don't do that please.)

So when we have a space the new bond can fill both in keeping things functional so he has something to do and a space in our relationship so he's not standing on the sidelines looking in, he'll show. As it stands right now, that hasn't happened, so he's not here yet. That and I think I'm stretched rather thin when it comes to bonds, I need much more time with our fishes before I think I can handle more folks in here. So much on my mind, so little time.

But either way regardless. You have several glaring issues that are fairly obvious that you may not have noticed because you can't be objective in a situation you're involved in (true of everyone), and until you fix those, yeah, this doesn't sound like it'll work all that well.

Although I will note that I typically bond via my writing, simply writing from their perspective until they start commentating. They go from 'maybe MaDD doing shit' to 'oh hey soulbond' when they don't comment only on themselves but also on things I'm doing in meatspace. Albafica's a character when he's narrating his own life, he's a person when he demands More Salmon For Dinner; if that makes sense.

I doubt you'd get that far unless they genuinely did want the connection, because otherwise they wouldn't tell you stuff about themselves. Works for me, might work for you, who knows, please get your psychosis symptoms checked out first before touching this again and make sure they actually want to bond and it's actually viable before continuing and then try again I suppose?

A very long answer for a very long ask, but I like Helping, so. Hope that helped a bit.

#asks #anonymous #on soulbonding #on plurality #brrrrr what tags should I use #also opening the floor if anyone else wants to try and help out #anon didn't say no helping so I assume yes helping

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crystu-cii · 4 years ago

Note

Of course!! 💕💞💕💕💕💞💞

What a MOOD XDD OKAY I FEEL YOU ON THAT ONE SHOT THING TBH- LIKE IF YOU TAKE TOO LONG TO GET TO THE GOOD SHIT ILL JUST GET BORED YALL--

wHEeze okay mood-- I actually went in my backyard with a mask on today(not intentionally, my sister sprayed febreeze and I'm sensitive to fragrances soo-- but the entire time I was like "wtf I'm telling crys about this later" XDD

XDD YEAHHH-- XDDD oms MA'AM GO GET SOME SLEEP WH..... TAKE A NAP MISS......

XD also baby jail- puts a laundry basket over him- there now I'm safe-- dangg never had a pet?? I recommend a dog(specifically shelties/sheltie mixes!! They're beautiful and playful!! And the type of dog I've had all my life :3) I.. ban?? Like ban ban??? Wh????

I am! XDD I'd (at least probably) say something if I wasn't-- of course!!!! 💞💕💞💕💞💞💕

Me too!! I miss hanging out with them :/ but so many live super far sooo :,D OH DEAR-- yeah nonononoooo-- Do Not-- YEAH better safe than sorry nO--

I CAN TELL YOU THAT THE PUMPKIN AND CHERRY PIES WERE DELICIOUS, HAVEN'T HAD THE BIBLE YET- AH YES PHONE WERE EATING A BIBLE HOW COULD I THINK IT'S CALLED A COBBLER-- XDD WH- HOW DARE SHE INSULT PUMPKIN PIES LIKE THAT-- /HJ it sounds fairly weird but hey if it's good than cool!! XDD

BUT tREEeEeeE!!!!! DO YOU NOT ENJOY DRESSING UP??? WHAT ABOUT THE CANDY SALES DIRECTLY AFTER???? WH-- AAAAAAAH HOW COULD Y'ALL-- XDD

Yeahh, I decided not to take any more creative classes in school anymore anyways--they don't suit me at all-- OH DANG-- YALL REALLY OUT HERE PISSING OFF THE CHOIR TEACHER??? DAMNNN-- XDDD YESSS-- awwwwhh :( oh well, on steam you can mood games sooo-- if you haven't asked for it, I recommend the portal games 👀 they're SO GOOD and I'll simp for both Glados and Wheatley, don't test me (unless you're Glados or Wheatley) /hj BUT THEY'RE SUCH WELL-MADE CHARACTERS-- BUT VALVE CAN'T COUNT TO THREE SOOOO-- (but there is a cool portal 2 mod coming out in April 2021(plus another from the past I think!) that looks incredibly promising!!!) and oooooohh I actually haven't seen much about it 👀 but from what I have seen it looks fun!!!!

opens calendar app-- can I just say it's so rare to meet people born in the early months-- like January and February, especially SO EARLY in the months of just unheard of XD I have a singular other friend born in January, on the 21st-- and I knew a girl who was born February but like I don't really like her or know her well so she doesn't count--

lEGITTT LIKE- im OUTTA HERE- xDDD

and omgg XDD im lowkey sensitive to fragrances to- when its too much and all- like i would only spray myself with perfume ome to three times while my mom is here doing like tWENTY SPRAYS AND IM LIKE "hEYo BRO I CANT B R E A T H E" /nm- its wild XDD

AND LEGITTT My mOm NEEEDS SLEPPP- quarantine has ruined her so hard- its ironic- I M supposed to be the rebelious one- XDD

WHWHWHEEZE B AB Y JA I L- XDD and yeahh- well my brother has an aussie dog (the one i said their name was also astro xD) but sometimes im just like- "yeah- thats my dog too-" i even mentioned it on a introduce yourself assignment for school xD and omg i dont know my dog types but i searched up what sheltie dogs look like and OMGG???💞 YESS A FLUFFY DOG I always dream of having a dog soo fluffyy- but i expect that it would be a pain to clean up the fur all the time XDD and well i MeAANn- not really ban but like- whenever i speak about pets at all to my mom- it would go like- me: we cant even have ONE pet? | mom: no | me: how about a fish?? | mom: wELL ***-BRINGS UP EMBARRASING ACTION I DID AS A TODDLER-*** ) so i just assume thats her way of saying- no fish. XDD

and phew thats good! the least thing i'd want is make you uncomfortable in any way ;w;; 💞💞 gosh- even hanging out with friends is like russian roulette- XDD before covid and all i would always go to Larie's house every single weekend because my mom would always go there every weekend to play mahjong (its a little gambling game) and i would just be like "YEAH IM COMIN TOO-" - like OMG- literally friend's moms being friends with your mom is just the definition of LIFE GOALS- and it would be so fun every time i go there too- my mom would play with them till midnight or literally up to 3 am- so me and larie would just do the most wackiest stuff- along with eating loads of snacks and watching random shows or anime XDD ahh its only months ago since it stopped but it already feels nostalgic xD

awh NoW I WANNA TRY PIEEEESS- AND ABHAHAHAHA "HAVENT TRIED THE BIBLE"- I GOT SO CONFUSED WHEN I FIRST READ THAT XDD phone: its the BIBLE | astro: its a cobbler— | PHONE: YOU QUESTION THE WORDS OF THE MIGHTY JIMMY? ) XDDDD

and LEGITTT- WHENEVER we ask them "hey what you gonna dress up this halloween" thEY woULd JusT Be Like "huh halloween whats that--" XDDD but they end up trying to celebrate it with us at the very least- xD anD YEAP WELCOME TO WHEN its the time of the year where the month names start ending with "ber" aka CHRISTMAS CHAOS TIME- /hj xDDD

mann for my school we had to choose between three music electives- band, orchestra, choir- i chose orchestra and it was AWESOME- until it was my last year and THE FUCKING ORCHESTRA TEACHER QU IT (it was reasonable actually- she had a sickness) and the cLASS JUST TURNED TO SHITITITHKAHTLQJF I HATED IT it came from my favorite class to the WORST in an InSTANT im SOBBING- but even the whole school is just utter bull- during that same year- i had six classes(a teacher for each) and guess what- THREE OF THOSE TEACHERS LEFT- LIKE EXCUSE YOU?? my 2020 was already RUINED before even COVID CAME like WTHHH- so yeah it was crazy- at that point we were all in despair and the school became more ghetto than it was before(everyone would keep saying "wErE In The GheTtO RATTATATAAA" every time we reach school grounds- its funny cause its true- XDD) yeah its crazzyy

and Oh YEHAH the mods are sickk- mods make my dont starve together gameplay so much better xDD and ooh i have seen portal before but i never actually played em- i think i was watching the walkthrough of both games just to try to learn what the game was about- but in the end- i forgot everything from what the heck our objectives of the game was other than to solve mind blowing puzzles- XDD but cAN i JUST SAY THE SONGS ABSOLUTELT BOPPED THO? THE ENDING SONGS STILL ALIVE AND WANT YOU GONE GOT ME LIKE in TEARS to how good they were- like i jammed to them for a long ass while xDDD and ohhh i never seen any portal mods before! i didnt even know portal mods were a thing but that sounds SICKKK

and omg xD and wth- now that you mention it- like- SAMEE?? real life wise- the birthdays are scrambbled up- but lately on tumblr almost everyone has their birthdays around the the "ber" times and this has now made me realize it- like omg- XDD

#the rambles of crystu

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surflove808 · 7 years ago

Text

Fan Wars: A New Hope. Damnit.

I sure do hope you like reading lots of words!!

Here's the remix (Edited. Longer. Angrier. Yay!): I’m about to get all fire and brimstone up in here. I apologize in advance.

Regarding my blog post re: The Joke Debacle, most everyone has been so thoughtful, mature, kind and open minded about the discussion matter, even if they didn’t necessarily agree with me. So that right there, shows me that it’s possible for all of us to be more understanding with each other regardless of our ships or faves or whatever. And I’m an open-minded, open book, so even if you don’t agree with me, this is a safe place to vent concerns or frustrations with what I say. We can all respectfully disagree, meet in the middle or go just back to our own corners. Whatever.

I'd like to encourage those of you who are taking your frustrations out on anyone who agrees with points made in my article (on Twitter or wherever) to come speak directly to me if you have an issue. I wrote it, after all. My blog is helpfully linked right there in the article. I don't bite. And for those of you who aren't overly familiar with what's going on, please check out the many, many comments attached to my actual blog post, and you will be able to see that there are far more people that are fed up with these bad apples, than there are bad apples. I hope. And if there are apples that don’t feel like they’re being given a fair shake, I’d like to hear from those apples too.

When I posted my angry rant last week, I didn’t expect it to gain so much traction. But it did…and it showed me I wasn’t alone, and that there are a lot of fed up fans out there, and justifiably so, who are looking for an end to this ridiculous inner-fandom civil war. I'm relatively new to Tumblr. I wasn't expecting to become the unofficial mouthpiece for this issue.

I was approached by movietvtechgeeks.com asking if they could use my blog post in an article about the cyberbullying that’s happening in this fandom, so I said “Sure!” I’m honored that someone would want to print my rambling. But of course, it’s also opened up the floor on Twitter, yet again, for certain people to deliberately misconstrue the content and twist it to suit their own agenda in the comment sections. What they fail to realize is…they’re only proving why we needed this article in the first place. So, joke’s on them!! However…. now I feel obligated to come on here and clarify my intent and that’s friggin irritating.

Here is the article if you want to take a looksee: https://twitter.com/movietvtechgeek/status/927578926397952000

I NEED TO MAKE A FEW THINGS CRYSTAL CLEAR (apparently):

1. I don’t have a ship. I don’t dislike shippers. (Ship away! I just dislike pushy people with no sense of boundaries) So please do not misconstrue anything I say as promoting or denigrating *a* ship. You do you. Let me do me. Well, that sounded vaguely dirty… you know what I mean. I’m just gonna ship me with myself now. Nobody can love me quite like me.

2. I don’t stan an actor, and I don’t think that because someone likes “another” actor (whomever that might be) more, that it’s a direct affront to me or them. I tag all these "relevant to the post” actors because I think they’re all relevant to the success of this show, and sadly….also to this juvenile ridiculousness that seems to be brewing between fan factions.

But, if I’m being honest? Full disclosure: I do have a favorite! Jensen. Heyyyoooo! I think he’s an incredibly talented actor IN MY OPINION, and I like his extraordinarily expressive face. See? Simple as that. Is that a problem? And do you feel better now that it’s out in the open?

We can all have opinions, and favorites without “throwing feces like howler monkeys” to quote a certain dickhead angel. And as far as personalities and talent go? They’re all amazing, and they all belong, IN MY OPINION. The main cast, the supporting cast, new castmates, former castmates…. they all just…gel. You know? It’s some kind of voodoo magic. And they’re by all accounts, really decent people doing good things out there in the world. Without any one of them, it wouldn’t be the show we all know and love. And if you don’t love the SHOW, well….I guess fucking go watch something else? Right??

Listen....Unless you’re tied to a chair Clockwork Orange-style, and being force fed this show by some evil, covert government agency… you DO have other choices.

3. I sucked it up and joined Twitter because there seems to be an attack dog, hive-mind situation happening that seems hell bent on cowing people into submission. That shit doesn’t fly with me. And if I’m on there and see bullying, damaging misinformation or harassment… I’m going to get in the fray. But I’m going to TRY to do it with honesty, integrity and a sense of humor. I want to sit at the adults table on Turkey Day. Not at the kids table with Weird Uncle Augustus. Know what I mean? Don’t be that guy.

AND ONCE MORE FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK: To be clear - I’m not speaking to ONE specific group of people. However, if you look into the mirror I’m holding up and see your own reflection? I’m probably talking to you.

4. I’m not going to choose a “side”. I choose the show, it’s actors, crew, writers, etc, collectively. Because they all work their asses off, both on and off the set to give us fans so much more than just entertainment.

5. If someone wanted to hold a mirror up to this fandom right now, via a juicy documentary on the ship wars, fighting factions, undermining, conspiracy theories, revenge tactics, harassment campaigns, etc…. I think its safe to say, we’re all gonna be pretty fucking embarrassed. Let’s hope that never happens. I’m cringing just thinking about it. But we deserve it, if we keep on with this petty bullshit, ya know? 6. My blog post was not about for J2 "stans” or about Misha “stans”, for gods sake people. This post was about how splinter groups (for lack of a better term) were being damaging and disruptive (As they do.) and how it’s bad for EVERYONE when we let warring factions steamroll over everyone else, AND each other. This post was a direct response to the organized and brutally efficient Twitter campaign that somehow found its way into the laps of a handful of online news sites in an effort to publicize an off-color joke in order to take advantage of the current climate in the entertainment industry and start a viral witch hunt. *I just ran out of breath. Time for a James Brown pause*

7. My post was also aimed at the Twitter spamming campaigns that Shatner and Pellegrino, as well as J2 had to put up with in the past few weeks. And don't feed us that horsehit about them bullying the poor fans that spoke their minds. NO. You collectively went on, and started shit, kept coming at them, and they defended themselves. And rather maturely, considering. It’s about groups of people that have gotten so wrapped up and out of control, that they’re poisoning this fan family. I genuinely feel concerned that some folks are confusing reality with fiction, here.

8. If you look back farther on my Tumblr page (?) to the good ol days of last Thursday (?) - particularly the Silent Majority post - that post is not in reference to any fan or any actor, specifically. It’s in reference to the majority of fans who want to do the right thing, WANT to help out, WANT to just enjoy the damn show without all this drama and hate. But because they’re quiet, and they’re not able to speak their minds without fear of retribution…. they’re vastly under-represented. And so, the assholes of the fandom run amok unchallenged. THAT’S the majority I’m speaking of. 9. I abhor anyone that lurks around on social media looking for people to mess with. So, imagine my surprise and disappointment that now I’M that person, because of this fucking shit!! I’m only getting after people who are picking on others, but still… lurking, arguing. Utter waste of valuable time. Yours and mine.

Saturday night I apparently pissed off the leader of one of the SPN gangs (what do you call them??) when I called her out on her behavior and was ominously told: “Wanna see what happens when I tell my followers what to think and do”. To which I responded “I already have. And it’s deplorable” And then offered to provide her with my name, # and home address. She didn’t want it. I don’t know why. I thought it was funny! I NEVER get hate mail... and I was looking forward to some postcards. I’m old school that way. Don’t hate tweet me. Send me a hate postcard featuring something cool from your state.

Jokes aside....that’s the kind of crap that mobilized me in the first place.

I tried to have a reasonable conversation with this individual and even asked if she wanted to take it offline and talk. I followed her lead, conversationally, did snark back when required...but just when I thought we were going to have a reasonable discussion, she pulled the rug out. I tried. If you’re reading this and you feel misrepresented, or misunderstood, or you’re trying to misrepresent our conversation - the door is still open if you want to talk. But I’m not going to tolerate your bullshit, and neither should anyone else.

Who ARE these people? And why is this happening? That’s my question.

10. I'm not here to listen to arguments that a 6-year old might find compelling in a court of law, such as: Well, Jensen told that joke a year ago, or Misha said thisthatandtheotherthing back in the day...so why are you only talking about Jareds joke?

Well...because this is not a tit-for-tat thing. I'm talking about the issue that is relevant RIGHT NOW. And this is far from a "blame it on Jared" thing. I feel awful for the guy. For both of them for even being looped into this insanity. The intent of my blog post was to address very current events that have been demonstrative of the current, toxic climate brewing in the SPN fandom. I’m NOT here to write the Unabridged History of SPN Actors and Their Fondness for Off-Color Jokes.

11. If you're all wound up and offended by what I wrote? It's probably because I wrote this blog post not for you, but about you. OR, you've not been provided with context, content or clarity, and you got swept up in this manufactured hysteria and reacted. OR, you think I’m a total asshole, and that’s ok. I get it! And I understand how my post could make some of you defensive and prickly. But hey, as the saying goes... don't start none, won't BE none. On the flip side, as someone eloquently stated (ahem, CarolHansson) "It's ok to be offended....it's also ok to not be offended"

12. I am not a rape apologist. And neither are the actors. And to even insinuate that any of us, by extension of supporting Jared or Jensen in this situation, are pro "rape culture", is appropriating a term and using it so irresponsibly that you're negating the real suffering of sexual abuse survivors. The more you trivialize it, the more you take away its power. Stop using manufactured concern for survivors as your jumping-off point for harassment, and START asking yourself what's really motivating you to use that argument as an excuse for your behavior. BTW, #Metoo, and you sure as hell don't represent ME.

If you want to see a record of this casts achievements for mental health awareness, LGBTQ rights, anti-bullying and womens issues, to name a few - it's a simple Google search away. That's on your time. Not mine. Again....not here to write their autobiography. This piece is an opinion piece. I try to be balanced, but that’s as far as it goes. I'm not CNN.

13. MISHA: Misha was not mentioned in my post because Misha was not under fire last week or the week before over this stupid bullshit. If I SEE that happening, I’ll write about THAT. But HE was not the focus of this mess. So I left HIM out of it. Does that make sense? And also? I'm not here to equally represent all actors at all times. That's not how this works in the context of the subject matter at hand. If you want to see more adequate representation for your favorite actor - write your own op ed. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.

And Misha as well as J2, are probably more than a little appalled that some of their biggest fans (?) are committing to some shady behavior in their honor and in their names. Just a guess. They’re good guys and this is probably not sanctioned behavior. If you think it is? Show me the receipts. Let’s do this honestly, using facts. Not conjecture.

14. No, I do not excuse anyone's behavior because of their physical attractiveness. Neither do most people. I am not a child (Thank you, Uma Thurman), and I don't rationalize like a child.

15. No, I am not doing this to seek approval from the actors, and neither is anyone else with the #istandwithJ2 hashtag. As previously stated, this is an equal and opposite reaction to the bullshit that brought us all here today. You’re grasping at straws at this point, if that’s the argument you’re going with. Speaking on my own behalf, I have nothing to gain here, except some new Tumblr friends with a side of troll.

16. To reiterate on previous posts - I’m hoping that all of us will collectively start sticking up for each other when we see someone harassing a fellow fan online. Even if you don’t want to comment….maybe give the person being flamed those little heart thingys (likes?). Direct message them if liking their post doesn’t feel safe. Show them your support in some way, so that they don’t feel alone and so that they don’t feel quite so vulnerable to attacks from online bullies. We Have Got To Start Backing Up People who are just trying to express their opinions respectfully and are being slammed with responses that are belligerent, demeaning, threatening, obnoxious, etc. Otherwise - these jerks will just keep steamrolling right over the more gentle viewers out there. And a lot of them, are just kids. And this goes both ways. It has to, in order to be effective.

If you see something - say something. That’s my 2 cents anyway.

The world’s going to Hell in a handbasket, 26 innocent people were gunned down yesterday in a place they held sacred and felt safe in, and it just keeps happening.

Mother Nature has decided she’s sick of our shit and has been upending thousands of lives. There are actual sexual predators in some of our pasts and sadly, in some of our futures. And this “joke” has no relevancy or bearing on that sad fact.

Women, people of color, LGBTQ people, economically fragile people, physically fragile people, etc...are seeing their protections, rights and livelihoods eroded away in an alarmingly short period of time, and the list goes on and on… and THIS is what we’re dedicating our mental and emotional resources to?

This show is supposed to be an escape from reality, guys. Not actual reality.

Why are we harassing the actors and fellow fans of a television show that brought us all together in the first place? This is entertainment, people. I know how important this show is to all of us. And I know how impactful the message of this show has been. And I know that without this show, some of us might not be here today. We are some passionate sumbitches. I GET THAT.

The question still remains.... what in the actual fuck are we really fighting for and about, here? If someone can quantify and explain that to me in a way that makes sense, I’m all ears.

Has it really come to: “Maybe we need to devise a more sophisticated tagging situation so that people don’t keep dipping their chocolate in other peoples peanut butter.” I don’t know. But this is Nth level ridiculousness, and we need to figure it out before it gets even worse.

For now, I’m going to get back to enjoying this show for what it is, and putting my beautiful brain back to work on more important matters. I’ve spent a week in this muck, and it’s been... enlightening. I’ll say that.

And even though I don’t agree with some of you - I can see by the CSI-level attention to detail that a lot of us have applied to all things SPN... that we could actually be mobilized into an almost unstoppable force for real good and real change. If we wanted that.

We could probably figure out who ordered JFK’s assassination. Figure out where Jimmy Hoffa’s buried. Solve the mysteries of the pyramids.... help reunite missing kids with their families...Get Trump impeached... ahem. You get it.

Or we could just keep wasting our pent-up aggression on other fans, and the actors of our favorite show. Because that’s easy. Choices.

But wait! There’s more! Because I keep getting valid messages and concerns, this ridiculously long piece just got longer.

Posting these blogs has opened the door to a lot of private communication from both sides of the fence in the fandom, and I'm going to include some of my recent responses to an SPN fan who felt that her group of fans were not getting a fair shake and felt my blog targeted them. We had a long discussion and she was very cool and had a lot of valid concerns and examples of other bad fan behavior dating wayyyy back, so I wanted to add this in.

I'm just going to paraphrase my own replies and print them here, so that people who may feel misrepresented or angry can see that, there are other ways to discuss these issues and for everyone to see that there's a better way than Twitter Wars.

(Paraphrased conversation subject matter in italics)

What's amazing is that J2 fans AND Misha fans have private messaged me with the exact same concerns. And you have one very important thing in common: You ALL feel victimized. And you have been. Know why? It's because you've been victimizing each other.

(Slaps own face. HARD.) Not because of her. But because of this whole enchilada.

If both groups are concerned about the same issues and both want the harassment to stop, whyyyy are you still at each others throats?

Well, I think it's because good people are capable of behaving very badly, especially online. And all they’re doing is making themselves look ridiculous. And they do not merit support.

A lot of people have been using me as a mediator, or prism, so to speak, with regards to this issue. But you don't need me, when you all essentially want the same damn thing.

It's time to stop participating. All you have to do is take a step back and say to yourself (or others if you’re feeling up to it) I'm not going to support harassment, hate or damaging misinformation. And you can do that by unfollowing abusive accounts, by not "liking" or reblogging abusive content...and/or by not contributing to it yourself. And if enough of us did that, BOOM, on our way to a solved problem.

These are only a few suggestions. There's no cure or quick fix for this.

Only alternatives to current behaviors.

And I know there's a lot of bad blood between these groups as evidenced by the mountains of grievances I've been getting. Can’t un-say or undo any of it. But we can stop doing it going forward, can’t we?

As long as people want to keep concentrating on past transgressions and dwelling on past arguments, no one can move on.

And continuing to keep score with hopes to "win" something on here isn’t working either. I’ve got bad news: There's no "winning" here. No grand prize. Just more of the same bullshit. And if you’re happy to sit in this pile of crap and continue to marinate? That’s your prerogative. By “your” I mean WHOMEVER fits the bill.

It's not my responsibility to make you play nice with each other. Or mediate your arguments. Though, it sounds like mediation is exactly what ya'll might need. I'm just here, publicly stating how this all looks to me: Like a never-ending playground slapfight.

I think that there will always be "haters". That's the nature of fandom, and life in general. But if we stop promoting that kind of behavior with our support, and if these individuals have to lurk in the back channels, as opposed to being allowed to thrive and build fiefdoms all over social media. That sounds like a good compromise to me.

And if you have a lot to express on this matter from your own perspective, there are better alternatives to spamming people on Twitter. For example...

Write a blog! If you’d like to provide an objective viewpoint, and also defend your stance but you’re afraid people will see that you support actor A, B, or C and automatically discount what you have to say? Start a side blog. Compile a list of wrongs that you’ve seen committed by both sides and be the mirror, and show people what they’ve become.

Create your own, blank slate and start fresh.

There, now I can drop the mic.

#Jensen Ackles #Jared Padalecki #Misha Collins #spnfandom #spn family #dean winchester #Sam Winchester #castiel #mark pellegrino #lucifer

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mangokiwitropicalswirl · 7 years ago

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Gillovny and Buyer’s Remorse

I don’t know if this is necessary or even helpful. We probably don’t need anymore voices weighing in on the state of things in the fandom, so if you’re sick of things and want to look past this, please do. If you venture below the cut, please take this in the spirit you know I intend it -- as a longtime X Files fan with a sometimes-too-soft heart that was weaned on MSR yearning, but who is also striving for a clear-eyed grasp of reality. Here goes:

Since the events of last October, we have had two stark options. 1. To believe that G and D were in a romantic relationship that had come to an abrupt end sometime in September (factoring in Chicago Con, Schmoopie shirts and kind comments about “new incarnation of friendship” uttered at cons early last fall). Or, option 2. To accept that what we saw, read and observed between D and G over the preceding 2 (3?) years was literally nothing more than their typical handsy BFF behavior and a liberal dose of fandom trolling.

Many people were easily able to accept option #2 and move on. Others felt that option #1 might have been the case, and if so, well, earlier behavior on twitter was understandably coming to an end.

But Option #1 didn’t really bear out as we observed a few continued playful interactions between G and D on twitter and nothing but positives on Ds end when he spoke about her at a con in January. And then came the Webby’s, which put to rest any idea that there might have been an acrimonious breakup of any kind.

Which circles us all back to option #2. Which is where we are today.

I see a lot of posts claiming that Gillovny fans are “angry” at G for her trolling of fans throughout the past couple years, but I haven’t seen much of that anger. What has been hard to stomach for those of us who have been slow to accept Option #2, is the accusation that I am somehow “not happy for Gillian” because she isn’t “dating who I want.”

This is ridiculous.

Of course I am happy if G is happy. Who she dates is something I have absolutely no control over, nor would I want to. She obviously knows herself, knows what she needs from a relationship, and has her own history with men to work with. I -- and I dare say, none of the folks who shipped Gillovny -- would never suggest that I somehow know better for her than she knows for herself.

And yet, we’re stuck with feelings. Lots of feelings. And I have been trying to pin down the nature of those feelings a little more precisely. It’s not anger, because that would assume there was something to be angry about. And it’s not sadness, because again, why should I be sad if Gillian is happy?

No, the feeling I am feeling is a very serious and intense case of buyer’s remorse.

Because I. Fucking. Bought it.

I bought into the Gillovny ship big time. It honestly was part of what brought me back into the fandom because, lord knows, the narrative of two old sometimes-at-odds costars now blissfully happy to be together (in whatever form) was a damn better narrative than ANYTHING written in season 10. And here’s the crux:

I bought into the Gillovny ship because it was being sold to me. They sold the ever-loving shit out of it for several years.

Some people will say we should not have bought it, that Gillian always maintained it was a game, that David tried to sternly shut it down numerous times. But to say we shouldn’t have bought it is sort of like saying to a person during the subprime mortgage crisis that they shouldn't have taken the stupidly low mortgage rate on a beautiful house that’s sitting right in front of them. Gillovny was sitting right in front of us. It was set up for us to buy into.

And even though occasionally a realtor might pipe up and remind you, “Hey this house has kind of a shaky foundation, perhaps don't buy it,” we did anyway. I bought it. This gorgeous newly renovated Victorian with the wraparound porch and a pool in the back where you can swim all day in your red speedos.

Why did we do this? Mostly, because we LOVE watching them together. The intensity of their smiles at one another could power the fuel needs of a small country. It was the sight of them together that powered us through more than a few (cough *half* cough) lackluster seasons and films of a weird, incoherent show about aliens.

Don’t mishear me, either. I don’t mean to imply that there is NOTHING between D and G. There is obviously a shit ton of chemistry and a lot of affection. That is REAL. It always has been. What I’m talking about is the Gillovny narrative and how far it was teased and toyed with, which is something altogether different.

But now, we look back on this house that we bought, this narrative, and we realize there's never been a foundation. We bought the big beautiful house at the persuasion of the delightful realtors, and now we are left trying to figure out how to pay for it all emotionally.

And our friends down the street who (wisely) never made a down payment on the house, are laughing at us, telling us to grab our stuff and MOVE THE FUCK OUT when we are still enamored of the beauty of the place. We took out a 23-year mortgage and now we’re underwater. It’s hard to just pick up and move.

Not only that, from the moment of Gillian holding up the Duchovny jersey at the 2015 TCAs to the August 2016 Schmoopie shirt, it has been 100% in David and Gillian’s best interest for us to buy into Gillovny. I’ll say that again. Despite repeated denials throughout that timeframe, AND some noteable non-denials (e.g. WHHL), it remained in their best financial interest to fuel the rumors and draw attention to themselves by any and all means. And I’ll add -- it is also in Orlando Jones’s and Bryan Fuller’s, and anybody else interested in harnessing the power of Gillovny to garner attention for their show or project. Gillovny sells, bitches.

Think of it like the realtor trying to sell you the house you can’t afford. Sure, she may occasionally remind you that maybe you shouldn’t buy into this one, but in the end, she’s getting the commission, so why would she really try that hard to stop you?

If you:

bought the XF season 10 DVD,

subscribed to Netflix to watch X Files, Aquarius, or The Fall,

bought photo ops or VIP packages at any of the Comic Cons,

bought tickets to Streetcar,

donated to Lick-my-Face, Childreach Int’l or other DDGA charities,

tickets to David’s concerts,

David’s album,

Gillian’s novels,

Gillian’s WE book and its various causes and events,

David’s novels,

a magazine with their photos on the cover,

a photo sold by a photographer (hi Mark Mann),

started a Tumblr blog (hello there ad clicks),

followed them on Twitter, Instagram or Facebook (hello Q score)

Or any of the other numerous ways in which money can be generated by your interest in and devotion to them as interesting and noteworthy individuals, you have participated in this celebrity transactional relationship.

I am not pointing fingers because I certainly have done about 30% of the things on the above list. The nature of our relationship to celebrities is by necessity one of transaction. We buy what they are selling, and in this case, we were buying the narrative of Gillian and David together. Their chemistry is ceaselessly watchable, so much so that it spills over from the X-Files to fuel interest in their other projects. They have used it to marvelous success.

But remember that every time you spend money on a DVD or a concert ticket, a theater ticket or a book, you're engaging in a transaction between yourself and their brand. NOT between yourself and a real, actual individual.

Here are my own actual financial Gillovny-prompted expenditures:

Season 10 Revival DVD - $19.95 (free shipping, thanks Amazon prime)

David’s new novel on Kindle - $12

Donation to Gillian’s Skype call auction - $75

Purchase of two of Gillian’s shirts for SAYes charity - $125

Grand total = $231.95

This might sound crass. Or it might sound obvious. But it bears remembering as we work through our disappointment that the romantic narrative we were sold had no basis in reality. Tweets and media mentions are all part of brand creation, and both David and Gillian have benefited from the idea of a relationship between them. It never made sense for them to shut things down entirely as long as there still remained projects and charities to bring attention to. Gillian’s charity t-shirt auctions were a marvelous way to monetize the Gillovny brand for good.

Where we’re stuck now, though, is that all of a sudden, we have been asked to buy something else. Back in the fall, Brand Gillovny went offline, very nearly taking X Files season 11 with it. In its place, we have been offered, Brand The Crown, and Brand Serious Charity Work, Brand Feminism Book and Brand Rockstar. Some folks have made the switch to these new brands easily, while others are still reeling a bit from the sudden change.

What saddens me is the attitude that if someone hasn’t been able to transfer their brand loyalty seemlessly, somehow that means we aren’t as genuine a fan of David or Gillian as we should be. Let’s just remember, none of us has a relationship with G or D. We only have a relationship with their image, and therefore, it is okay not to want to continue a relationship with an image that has changed in a way that we don’t like as much. I don’t have to move into the house next door to the house I actually wanted just because it’s in the same neighborhood.

It’s pointless now to go back over the last couple years looking for clues or debating what was true and what wasn’t. It would be easy to pass all sorts of judgements on the appropriateness of certain branding choices (I’m looking at you WHHL and Schmoopie shirt), but no answers will satisfy everyone.

I hope that thinking about D & G in this way might help those of us who’re reeling from the death of our dream house, and also help those who have successfully moved on understand those of us who may not have done so yet.

Peace fandom. And hope for a great season 11. Because MSR is why we were here in the first place, and fiction is forever.

#gillovny #perhaps an ill-advised series of comments #but there you have it #my thoughts #mywriting

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gguksgalaxy · 7 years ago

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3. Tao (Cerca Trova)

Masterpost <– Part 2 | Part 4 –>

Short: After what happened to your boyfriend Suho, you have to leave the comfort of your home and live up to your promise. For him. (this can be read as a one shot)

Type: Angst, a little bit of fluff, shit loads of dialogue Words: 3988 Pairings: (Reader X Suho), platonic!Reader X Chen Warnings: ahhh nothing? a bit of angst.

Read it HERE on AFF or on tumblr :3

Barcelona 19:50

Your flight to Barcelona was long, but you didn’t hate flying so it was fine. You picked a cheap hotel not to far away from the airport, to start. This city was big as well, and your Spanish wasn’t any better than your Kazakh, but maybe your French would help. The location however, on the polaroid seemed more easy to find. It was a cafe, so more people might know the place. It wasn’t a picture of a part of a building, it was actually the front. It was a little too blurry to read the name of the cafe, but the doors were white and the walls grey. There were little wooden chair outside, with an open parasol. It looked cozy, and you’d love to sit there for a while, enjoying the sun.

For now though, you checked into your hotel and went up to your room. You spread the pictures out on the cover of the bed. Jongdae’s picture you put with the other pictures that belonged to him, and you wrote his name on the back along with his number, 21. Suho’s pictures also went together with his number, 01. What number would you meet this time? Would this be Jongin’s location? The boy who’d saved you and abandoned you at the same time. How would you ever find someone who teleported, he could be anywhere right? You let yourself fall back after you’d neatly stacked all the pictures back into the little box. After finding Jongdae you had a little more hope of finding the others, you just hoped they’d all be so nice. You remember the feeling of his lips against yours, the little spark you’d felt. He was Suho’s brother, you’d never date him, but he deserved it really. He would call you soon, you were sure of it. Just to check on you maybe. Tomorrow your search would start, beginning in the city centre. But now, now you were going to take a rest from your trip. So your changes, brushed your teeth and got under the covers.

The next day you took a metro to the city centre, navigating here was easier. And french did help somewhat, luckily. You found yourself a large pastry store and bought a croissant there, you’d missed those. The store owner was nice and you showed her the picture. “I’m looking for this, do you know where it is?” To your surprise, there was a young girl standing next to you, maybe 16. She translated for you, and you thanked her. The lady frowned, and went then pointed somewhere outside, mumbling something in Spanish. The girl tapped your arm. “She says it’s called Cafe Kafka, it’s a few blocks from here, to the left of the church.” Your eyes were wide in surprise, were you really this close? Would it really be this easy? “Thank you so much, thank you.” With your croissant in hand you ran over the street, following to the place they’d pointed you. A few blocks, how many? You slowed down, taking a bite, and roamed around for a little. Then you stopped. There, right in the centre of a little plaza, was the cafe. It was small, but it was definitely there. Cafe Kafka. For a moment you just stood and watched, and then you went inside. But wait, this was a cafe, does that mean he comes here every day? Or is it a one time thing. The floor above seemed to be holding apartments, maybe he lived there? Should you just knock or? You finished your croissant, and went inside to just get some coffee and think. It seemed fancier on the inside, and you ordered a cappuccino. There was a nice place in the corner, and you sat down there. You noticed then, that the seat was warm. Like someone had just sat here, but the table was already cleaned and cleared. What if it was him? Were you too hopeful? Maybe you were. When your drink came you thanked the owner and grabbed your laptop from your back. There was wifi here, thank god. You logged on and went to your email, sending one to your parents.

Dear mom and dad, I’m in Barcelona right now, sitting at a small cafe near the city centre. Almaty was beautiful, and I think I liked it better until now. Although the Spanish language is better. I hope you guys are doing okay, and that you don’t miss me too much. I’ll send you some pictures later when I get the time to transfer them from my camera. Love, Y/n.

You also went and called your friend over Skype, but she didn’t pick up. Maybe she was out or something. So you decided to just text her, giving her a similar message you’d given your parents. When you locked your phone, you saw the picture of you and Suho, his face buried in the crook of your neck, holding you from behind. It made you a little sad again, remembering how happy you were. You had to be happy now as well, to be strong. You remember the stories, about the others. How Suho told you Jongdae had tried to comfort him when they were in that van, and you remembered him mentioning Zitao. Zitao who had cried on his shoulder there. Jongin and Sehun, their youngest, and Yifan, their eldest who hadn’t survived. You remembered Yixing who had gotten captured first, who’d screamed for his freedom. Luhan, who was lost, and might never be found. If you could, you’d go out and find him, but that was worse than looking for a needle in a haystack. At leat you’d know to tell a needle from hay… When you finished your cappuccino, you’d browsed your social media, you’d ordered another one, and the hope was sinking. Finding the location so soon gave you false hope, maybe he was near, and not just here. No, you told yourself, you couldn’t give up that easily. You had to keep going, maybe if you came back a few days at different times. Maybe he’d already been here, or only comes around later in the day, or just on thursdays and mondays. It was Tuesday now. So you just told yourself you’d spend half a day here for two weeks. The rest of the day you could roam around and see other places, might as well enjoy the time here right? It was nearing 2pm, so you paid the bill and went to look through some places.

1 week later Barcelona 10:09

It was Tuesday again, and you still hadn’t seen a single asian boy in the cafe. They were all asian right? Suho mentioned four of them having been from China, and the rest from Korea. So you just assumed you weren’t looking for a blue eyed blonde boy. You were drinking your cappuccino, you’d lost count of how many you’ve had here but they’re really nice. The flavour was full and the milk was really foamy, plus the tiny cookies were to die for. The owned by now recognised your face, and greeted you every time. It would’ve been easier if you spoke Spanish, to ask him maybe if he’d seen someone, but sadly his English was terrible. You’d chatted to your friend on skype yesterday, she was excited to see your face. The two of you talked about small things, the places you’ve been and things you visited, people you met. Apparently she was dating someone now, and you were happy for her. The little bell of the store rang, and someone stepped in. You lifted your head from the book you’d gotten from a local store. The guy who stepped in made you look twice. He was slim, tall, and gorgeous. His skin was flawless, sharply defined features, like a fox. The colour of his hair was light blonde, and he was wearing a black turtleneck with a blazer, and white and black checkered pants. He looked at you, frowned and stepped over. You held your breath as he moves, silently and graciously. “I’m sorry, this is my table.” He spoke in a bit bracketed English. You blinked a few times, but you couldn’t utter out a word. Was he one one of them, one of Suho’s brothers? “Hello, can you please move from my table?” he asked again, a bit louder this time. “Uh…I’m sorry,” you stumbled, getting up, not knowing what to do really. The way you met Jongdae had been much easier. He sat down and you picked up your coffee, placing it on a nearby table. You watched him open his paper, as the owner brought an espresso to his table. “Staring is impolite.” He mumbled. “Huh?” “Stop staring.” His voice was sharp and harsh and it took you aback. You looked down at your table, how could you ask him this, maybe he was a random stranger. He didn’t seem nice, and you really had no intention of upsetting him or causing a scene. Your duffle bag was by your feet, as you were moving to a hotel closer by the other side of the city today. Maybe you should show him the blanket, Jongdae had seemed to recognise that, or your necklace? For a second you looked to your side, and you met his eyes, he glared at you. You decided then, that it wasn’t him, it couldn’t be him. Someone that seemed so menacing. So you paid the bill and got up, taking your belongings and leaving the cafe. One more week, you told yourself mentally, one more week and you’d move on. You’d find a way to ring the apartments upstairs to see if he lived there. While strolling back to your new hotel, you passed crowds of tourists, and calm almost empty streets. This city was diverse, and changed the further you got to the outskirts. You just hoped you hadn’t wasted your time.

3 days later

You were sitting at the cafe again when your phone rang, it was Jongdae. “Hi there.” You said, picking up. “Hey.” You could hear the smile in his voice. “How’ve you been? Did you find anybody yet?” You sighed deeply, rubbing your temple. “No, I found the location, on my first day here. But I haven’t found him yet…” “Where are you at?” “I’m at a cafe, something small but fancy.” Jongdae was quiet for a little, probably thinking. You heard a soft bark on the other line. “Is Kris with you?” “Yeah, I’m home right now.” He said. “You said a cafe, fancy? Makes me think of only two people, one of them being Junmyeon and the other Zitao.” You nodded. “What does Zitao look like? So I can scout out for him, who knows it might help.” “Tao is, one of our younger ones. He’s tall, skinny probably, he has a bit of a feline like face. Sharp eyes and lips, will probably wear expensive looking clothes and possibly earrings as well.” It sounded an awful lot like the guy from Tuesday. “I saw someone, he was ab it foxy, like you described, with blonde hair. But he was really rude and snappy. Told me to move away from the table because it’s his. Was quiet most of the time though.” “Sounds like something he’d do.” Jongdae said. “If it’s him though, go easy on telling him about Junmyeon. He was really close to him, he might snap at you if he thinks you work for the people of the asylum.” “He has a short fuse?” “Zitao is a bit…eccentric. His power is time, so everything feels very odd to him, time passes him by in a way. But he’s also really whiny and rude, like you said.” You took a sip of your drink. “Jongdae, how have you been? Did you find a new place yet?” “Yes, I’m moving out in 2 weeks.” “That’s great.” “I’m not telling you where I’m going though.” He mused. “Because you won’t tell me where you are.” You chuckled, it was nice to laugh. “Because I don’t want you to secretly follow me.” “I wouldn’t.” He whined. “I just want to know if you’re okay.” A soft laugh escaped your lips, at his concern and tone of voice. “I’m okay Jongdae, don’t worry.” “I just wonder if they might come to find you or something. I worry.” “Jongdae, you barely know me.” “As the brother of your boyfriend, I feel it’s kind of my job to look after you now. If he can’t I will do it, so please if anything happens call me. Or if you need someone to talk to.” He spoke, and you heard little Kris bark again. “Kris misses you too.” “I will Jongdae, thank you. Tell Kris I said hi, I need to hang though. Otherwise I’m going to run out of minutes for this month. Foreign phone calls are expensive.” “Ah yeah, talk soon okay?” “Bye Jongdae.” “Bye y/n.” You hung up the phone and sighed again, rubbing your temples and finishing your coffee. If only this was as easy. You’d have to somehow talk to that guy from earlier this week. The bell went off again, and there was a sound of fancy shoes on the tile floor. A movement in the corner of your eyes as someone sat down in the corner table. In his spot. You dared lift your eyes to the person and found him, wearing the exact same clothes, his hair styles in the exact same way. Something about him could be a model, his features to flawless and unique. There wasn’t a single blemish on his skin, let it be for the slight dark circles under his eye. He took a sip of his coffee, and you adverted your gaze, before he caught you staring again. Courage, you’d need courage to do this. So you took a deep breath, closing your eyes for a second and willing yourself to just do it. You spoke; “Zitao?” His head immediately whipped to the side, eyes wide and startled. “How do you know my name?” “Uhmm, I….” “You work for them don’t you.” He was up in an instant, and everything around you seemed to slow. Or he seemed to speed, up, you weren’t a hundred percent sure. He was out of the door in a flash.

Thing flickered back to normal when the door fell shut behind him, the owner dropping his cup, coffee spilling on the floor. You stood up quickly, leaving money on the table and sprinting after him. But out on the street he was nowhere to be seen. You scanned around, there weren’t a lot of people, and he shouldn’t be hard to spot. Checkered pants slipped around a corner on your right and you went in that direction. You ran, and ran, calling out his name. But he never stopped, he occasionally looked back to see if you were still following him. “Zitao stop!” you called, running out of breath. “Please!” he was way faster than you,and you were going to loose track of him. In a moment of dread, you yelled the only thing you thought of. “Junmyeon is dead!” Then he stopped, he stopped dead in his tracks but didn’t turn around. You closed in on him, stopping a few feet away and leaning on your knees. “Please tell me you’re lying, and said that to come and take me away.” He said flatly. “I wish I could.” You answered him. He turned around, facing you with no emotion whatsoever in his eyes. “What year is it?” “It’s 2017, July 25th.” “It’s been exactly 1381 days since I’ve last seen him.” Zitao stated. “Since I’ve last seen any of them. It’s weird you know, it seems like yesterday, like only a week passed. I don’t feel a day older. Time passes so quickly.” You nodded, stepping a little closer to him. “Zitao, do you want to sit down and talk?” “I don’t want anything to do with you.” He growled suddenly. “With any of you.” “Zitao please.” You reached out for his arm but he flinched away. “Zitao I just want to talk.” “NO!” he yelled, so loud it made you flinch now. “No, I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to see them. I don’t want to sit here and see how they wither away with age while I stay the same.” His voice was erratic and his hands were trembling. “Junmyeon isn’t dead, he’s not. He’s happy somewhere, happy and smiling, and content. Don’t come here and tell me these lies!” You didn’t know what to do, you could only watch this boy as he fisted his hands in his hair. “Go away!” he yelled at you, tears shining in the corners of his eyes. “GO THE FUCK AWAY!” There was nothing else you could do, you were on the verge of breaking down, and you didn’t need to give him the satisfaction. So you turned around and left, left him standing in the middle of the empty street, crying for his brother. You left with a hurt feeling in your chest, walking slowly to your apartment and picking up some food on the way. Not that you really had an appetite,but 4 chicken nuggets would have to do for now. You had to eat something. This room was a little bigger than the previous one, and you stripped to get under the shower and wash away the feeling. Wondering whether more of them would react this way, you rinsed the shampoo from your hair and stepped out again. The room smelled a bit old, and it looked so, but the bed was nice. So you laid down wrapped in a huge white towel and took out your phone. Should you call Jongdae? Tell him what happened? You stared at your phone for a while and decided it might be better to call him tomorrow, because you’d be waking him up now. So you just went to sleep

The next morning you slept in, you felt lethargic and down. How would you be able to deal with this every time. The distress and fear and anger in Zitao’s screams. For a second you had been afraid the police would come to the sound, or at least nearby people. But nobody did, and you left him there on his own. You wondered if he didn’t really miss them, if he really didn’t want to see them. You contemplated getting food and staying in the room all day, but maybe also found it worth it to check by the cafe and see if Tao was there. So you showered again, free water was good, and it calmed you a little. It was another warm day, and you pushed you’re baseball cap on a little further to shade your eyes. It was a Saturday, so it was more busy, and your wait for food was a little longer. You left a tip, because you’d eaten at this place every day and it hadn’t disappointed you yet. After shopping for some things you’d needed by now, and going to a place to do laundry, you went to the cafe. It was a bit busier, and you actually took seat outside after checking if Zitao was there. But he wasn’t. The sun was pleasant on your skin, and there was a soft breeze right there. Zitao never came, and he didn’t come the next day, or the day after that. And the second week of waiting had passed and you never saw a sign of him again. You’d even asked the owner, and he said he hadn’t seen Zitao in a long time. That he’d been coming here religiously every day at the same time. But not anymore after what happened with you. You’d apologised and moved away. You decided to write him a letter, to let him know what was up. Not that you know where he lived, but you’d leave it at the cafe.

Zitao

I apologise for scaring you last week, or whenever it was when you read this. I’m writing this because of your brother, Junmyeon. I am, or well, was his girlfriend. We lived happily together for quite a while until he mentioned to me what had happened to you all, his powers, yours the asylum. I loved him so much, and then that day, they came for him. They came for him and they killed him. He died to save me and for that I am sorry. As his dying wish he asked me to find you all, to see if you were safe and help you to relocate. I am sorry for upsetting you, it was not in my intention. But I hope you’re okay. I won’t bother you anymore after this, but know it’s probably safer if you change name and relocate after this. I’m sad I couldn’t do this more securely, and not lead them your way, but I wasn’t made for that. I’m just another girl My phonenumber is on the back of this card, if you ever need anything, or want someone to talk to. Don’t hesitate to call me.

Y/n.

You’d given the envelope to the owner the next day, saying it was for him. He’d nodded, and put it on the counter. You’d never really know if he’d ever see it, but it was a little sliver of hope wasn’t it? A few hours later you found yourself in an internet cafe, together with the photo’s. You’d written Zitao’s name on the back of his, but his number was yet unknown to you. Maybe you could ask Jongdae when he called again, he’d sure know. You’d flipped them over, and drawn a random card. That card would tell you your next destination. You were happy to see it, it was a city you’d always wanted to go. So you’d logged onto a booking site, and found a not to expensive flight there. You didn’t really care for luxury in that way, right now it was important to save money where you could. Because there were faraway flights that would cost you a lot. More so than this one. When your phone rang you picked it up before you looked. “Y/n.” “Hey sweetie!” “Hey mom!” you smiled, logging off the internet quickly. “I just saw you booked a new ticket.” You sighed. “You don’t have to check my bank account, really.” “No, sweetie, we want to just give you a little extra, so we’ve covered the expenses for this one for you.” It silenced you for a little, and you felt tears prick at your eyes. “Thank you so much mom, that means a lot.” “Everything for our daughter. We know how important this is to you, but you know you can come home for a while any time you want. We miss you.” A tear slipped away. “Yeah mom, I know. I love you.” “We love you too, y/n. We’re always here for you.” “Thank you.” “You’re welcome.” The two of you chatted about the things you’d seen, and your mom mentioned that Snuffs missed you, it was their cat. A grumpy cat at that. You promised to send over some more pictures when you arrived in the next city, where you hoped you’d have better wifi than here. When you hung up, you had to wipe away more tears. You really did miss your family, you were here all alone. God why did you have to be so negative about this al the time. You had to push through. You were seeing the world, this was a positive thing. Suho would’ve wanted to see you happy, and strong, as he’d known you. For him you had to keep pushing. For him, for love, for his brothers.

A/N: This series has been gone for such a long time, and this part kind of sucked I'm sorry. I didn't really have a vision in how to go about this. So I hope you guys liked it, please let me know.

@oh-beyond @xingtrash @xiubaek13 @yeollieollie @littlekatlizzy @an-army-exol @melyyexo @paark-haaraa @nunchiwrites

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