#transmascs put up with so much from so many directions. you need a break from all of that for your own wellbeing

[trans-androgyne]

I love you, transmascs, with all my heart. I want to see you love yourselves. Your masculinity, your trans and queer masculinity, is beautiful and should be celebrated. You don’t have to be invisible and you don’t have to punish yourself for being a man or masc. Talk about yourself, talk about your experiences, be loud, take up space. Turn your body into a home in whatever form that looks like for you. You deserve safety and comfort, you deserve community and belonging. Surround yourself with people who will give that to you and don’t you dare settle for less. Remember that you’re a human too—your first responsibility is to yourself before you can help others. Take care of yourselves and each other out there. I love you.

[zomvom]

Zom’s ososan headcanons! :3

Just kinda stream of consciousness style, any may be subject to change, feel free to talk to me about your own hcs! :3c

This is a repost of my twt thread, I’ll list what I have down already, any new hcs or changes to previous ones I’ll just put in reblogs

These are all my personal headcanons! I kin ichimatsu so many of hcs for him are based off myself! This is just for fun but if you don’t agree with or like them that’s perfectly fine! Feel free to block or ignore me!

———

First things first I hc all 6 of the matsus as autistic and trans in some kind of way!

I think oso, kara, choro, ichi, and jyushi are all transmasc and todo is transfem! Transfem choro is also cute tho

Either way tho, none of them are neurotypical or cis!

Oso: He/Him trans man. Is currently on T. Prefers a binder over transtape cuz it’s less work but only wears it like half the time cuz he’ll often forget to put it on when getting dressed and it’s too much work to take his shirt off, put on his binder n put his shirt back on lol also he’s bi with a preference for women!

Kara: He/They trans man. Pansexual. Currently on T. Has gotten top surgery! Wants to get cool tattoos over his scars but is a wuss lol he also still gets a lil nervous bout shot day after all this time but puts on a brave face

Choro: He/She transmasc bigender. Omnisexual. Low dose T. Doesn’t bind all the time but prefers transtape over a binder when she does cuz it’s not as hot since he’s often wearing an undershirt anyway

Ichi: He/Him transmasc agender. Gay oriented aroace. Has gotten top surgery! Was on T for a good while but stopped for various reasons. Also prob has some kinda cat themed neopronouns just for funsies haha

Jyushi: He/Him trans man. Is on T. Who needs to bind or get top surgery when you can just hella work out? lol I don’t think he cares about labels but he’s def some kind of multisexual, maybe bi? Maybe pan?

Todo: She/Her and Fae/Faer trans woman. Is on estrogen. Bi with a preference for women

_______

Eyesight from worst to best!

Choro: very nearsighted! usually wears contacts nowadays but will occasionally wear his square/rectangle glasses to give her eyes a break. Still has his old round glasses from hs as back up tho

Kara: his vision isn’t as bad as choromatsus but it’s still not great! Farsighted. He refuses to wear normal glasses cuz he thinks it’ll make him look lame so his sunglasses are prescription instead, nobody knows that tho! Also has some form of strabismus, one of his eyes tend to move slightly inward.

Oso and Ichi: they’re both nearsighted and are at about the same level of vision. Neither of them are nearly as bad as choro and kara tho! Still, they would probably both benefit from glasses but choose to just live their lives a bit blurry lol Also ichi has visual snow! And while ichi is aware his vision isn’t the best, oso is oblivious and thinks it’s completely normal

Jyushi: also has strabismus! His is more noticeable and tends to move outward! but aside from that his vision is actually relatively good!

Todo: is the only one with 20/20 vision lol I feel like she would sometimes wear glasses just for fashion and choro hates it haha

———

Ichi has chronic fatigue, chronic pain, and pnes! (Psychogenic Non Epileptic Seizures)

I’m not sure if I want him to have exactly what I have in regards to his chronic pain condition, which for me is fibromyalgia, but I’ll prob end up going in that direction anyway since I project onto him so much anyway ya know?

His conditions affect p much his whole life as is the thing with being disabled haha but in particular it affects his sleep. He’s usually a p light sleeper and has a hard time falling and staying asleep unless he’s feeling completely exhausted from either his pain, or the aftermath of a seizure or whatever else, in which case he’ll knock the fuck out, and will sometimes sleep for so long and deeply he’ll scare his family into thinking his dead haha

His condition also often affects his ability to walk, so when he’s struggling he will use a cane

Unlike me tho, he doesn’t need it like all day everyday, only sometimes

Choro also uses a cane sometimes! He has a bad knee and poor balance which causes her to trip and fall a lot! His cane is his same color of green and while he does prefer the clean and sleek look, she does have a couple of little idol charms on the handle!

Ichi’s cane is either black or purple and is covered in various cat themed stickers with a couple lil things attached to the handle that he will use to play with neighborhood kitties!

Oso and jyushi will sometimes steal choro and ichis canes when not in use and sword fight with them lol

I can imagine when either ichi or choro first got their canes, oso in particular would playfully tease them and would use their cane to pretend to be an old man. The other matsus would also join in on the heckling such as todo calling either choro or ichi old men haha

Kinda going back,, when ichi had his first seizure, the others definitely freaked the fuck out. I imagine some of them prob would still panic when it happens at times but not as much. When it happens while they’re all trying to sleep, Kara will quietly help ichi n look over him till it stops, making sure he’s on his side n all that. I also imagine Kara would the most consistently remind ichi to breathe during a seizure and since ichi doesn’t like to make a big deal out of his seizures, Kara wouldn’t mention it to the others unless ichi brought it up first. (Ichi is thankful but doesn’t really verbally thank him often). Same goes for most of the other matsus if they’re alone with ichi during a seizure except for maybe jyushi who would blurt it out and sometimes oso unless explicitly told not to mention it. And prob right after the first seizure, todo researched what to do during a seizure and taught the others what to do so everyone was better prepared for next time.

Going back to ichis chronic fatigue/ poor sleep,

He either sleeps like 2 hours or 15, no in between lol

Oso doesn’t have chronic fatigue but he is really bad at maintaining a consistent sleep schedule so he and ichi (and sometimes the others) will often hang out and go on late night adventures, resulting in them both sleeping in way too late n getting scolded by either choro or matsuyo

———

More general sleep based stuff:

Ichi is a side sleeper n likes to be super curled up, he is shrimply kitty, he cannot change this. Kara is a back sleeper mostly, cant stand being too warm and prefers cooler or thinner blankets. Todo flip flops between back and side, is a pretty quiet, peaceful sleeper. Oso is kinda all over the place, flip flops between back, side, and belly a lot and likes to either be spread out or cuddling smth. Choro also flip flops between back and side, doesn’t take up a lot of space. Jyushi is a back sleeper and always very spread out

I can see them all snoring at least a lil bit except for maybe choro. I think it’d be cute if todo had like a baby snore and ichi had that classic cat snore. I can def see oso being loud tho

Poor choro being sandwiched between the two that take up the most space, move the most, and prob the loudest lol

———

Jyushi is usually very intense when he stims, lots of physical/moving stims! Definitely hand flapping, rocking, sometimes spinning, etc. I think he does his bat swinging, and mimicking of baseball terms n such as special interest centric stims. Plus his “HUSTLE HUSTLE MUSCLE MUSCLE!”

I think he also really likes deep pressure! Likes to be wrapped up n buried with blankets, and clothes n such (+ the warmth is nice since he doesn’t have great temperature regulation)

He would love a weighted blanket haha, and I think, while he’s not really a huge hugger most the time, he would sometimes ask for tight hugs from his family, or just have them like lean or straight up just lay on top of him haha

Also likes to chew! Seeing as how he’s often chewing on his brothers heads lol he would prefer a really hard/tough toy to chew on. Any thing softer, he chews straight through em

Kara loves anything shiny/sparkly and colorful! He also likes the texture sparkly things/ things with sequins often have,

I also think he would like space and ocean themed things cuz blue and pretty haha

I think he would have jewelry he would play with like rings or necklaces, such as running his fingers along his necklace chains or maybe a spinner ring or something small with intricate details/ rougher textures he could stim with

I imagine something metal/ silver maybe in the shape of a skull! Not sure what tho.. maybe a keychain? A necklace? Just something he keeps in his pocket?

Choro loves like cool lights/glowy stuff esp if it’s related to his special interest(s) ie idols! I think she also really likes clicky noises like a keyboard or switches! I think he would def carry around at least one fidget to help with anxiety but I feel like she would maybe be torn between his toys being colorful/related to her interests or being like subtle and “adult” looking ya know? I also think he’d get kinda self conscious about doing raptor arms or just feel like “what do I do with my hands” n developed a habit of putting her hands on his hips instead haha, I also think choro has a picking habit and uses picky pads to try to avoid picking at his skin and while it’s not as bad, Kara also still feels the urge to pick sometimes from when he had bad acne so choro turned him on to picky pads n she will use the beads to make kandi! But also sometimes she’ll get so caught up in just wanting to pick out and organize all the beads, hell get too focused on a pad and won’t have one for when she actually has the urge to skin pick. Also choro would love a busy board with all the flashing lights n clicky switches haha

Todo is a big visual stimmer! A bit too self conscious most the time to more openly stim in front of most ppl so she watches a lot of like stim boards and “satisfying” videos on her phone and maybe like very specific asmr videos. Her physical stims are a bit more “subtle” like very light rocking, kicking her feet, tapping her foot, using her face roller, playing with her hair, etc. I think she also chews but she doesn’t think it’s cute enough so she tries not to do it and will kinda gently chew on the inside of her lip or tongue or use gum or smth. Definitely prefers much softer chews than jyushi! Also think she likes to do the pop sound with her mouth sometimes

Ichi loves soft fuzzy textures and likes to pet and rub them whether it’s a cat or an inanimate object! He also really likes somewhat squishy things, think like paw pads, that he can squish in his hands! If it’s something bigger like a soft blanket or pillow or smth he likes to kinda knead it. He also likes pain seeking stims esp when hes having sh thoughts and will use things that are sharp and pokey but can’t do any actual harm like acupuncture rings or smth n he will keep like a mini squishy or acupuncture ring in his hoodie pocket to mess with. He also likes bubble wrap n pop fidgets! He likes the sound and the feel of em. I also think he has a bit of a picking issue too and will steal Kara’s like half done picky pads and then leave the beads for choro in places he knows he will find them like a cat leaving “presents” haha, sometimes choro will literally wake up with a lil baggie of beads on her and he’s very confused by it, she has no idea where these lil baggies keep coming from lol. I also think ichi uses his finger as like a worry stone of sorts and will rub his thumb on the side of his finger between the knuckles sometimes just cuz, sometimes to calm himself! Also purring! He likes to purr! He’s so kitty brained haha

Also also he likes to mess with lil bits a trash like paper clips, straw wrappers, bread ties, etc. with like straw wrappers he’ll turn them into like lil stick figures n stuff

Oso doesn’t really notice for himself when he stims! At least when it comes to his physical stims. His lil nose rub thing for example! N Unless hes like actively doing something, if he’s still for like 5 seconds, he’ll just start swaying or rocking back n forth whether he’s sitting or standing. He also likes to be upside down sometimes, just doing that weird upside down sit he does n will like sit on the couch upside down. Also he finds anything that goes really fast or spinny or like colorful flashing lights really captivating, reminds him of pachinko n the races haha

I think when has the urge to like fidget he will steal his siblings stuff instead of just getting his own. I can see todo or somebody buying one of those pop it games n oso stealing it n playing it way more than whoever bought it in the first place haha ichi would also use it sometimes but would prefer the sound effects off

Also I think oso is a big vocal stimmer! Lots of weird lil noises, mimicking of words/phrases, humming, etc. when somebody points it out or asks him to stop he likes to fuck with them n act dumb like “huh? What? What noise? I didn’t say anything. Are you hearing things? ……………… *does it again*” lol I also think when todo does her lil pop sound oso will do it back and things like that will sometimes spread to the others and even matsuyo and matsuzo occasionally n then they’re all just mimicking the same thing, flock of seagulls from Nemo typa behavior lol. Oso also sometimes mimics peoples hand gestures n body posture while they’re talking, sometimes on purpose, sometimes he doesn’t even realize till they point it out, either way it annoys the fuck outta ppl n he finds that funny haha. Oh I forgot but oso also has an oral fixation but uses food instead of toys or gum, bro is snackin all the time haha

———

Couple quick lil ichi hcs: ichi wasn’t really a fan of bugs for a long time (didn’t hate them but was still grossed out by them) but then he started noticing how cute and cat like some can be and now he’s a big bug lover! Moths and spiders are his favs! Cuz “fluffy” and cute mostly lol and when I say spiders I’m mostly thinking jumping spiders but I think he’d also like bigger and “scarier” spiders too) also also! 2nd quick ichi hc! He’s very light on his feet and will often scare ppl (usually by accident) by just kinda appearing by them and his family gets mad at him for “sneaking up on them” and will yell at him to wear a bell in like a half joking way but then eventually ichi does start actually wearing a lil bell (maybe a bracelet?) either of his own volition or bc his siblings made him lol Either way, it doesn’t bother him much to wear it cuz it makes him more kitty like and if he wants to be quiet he could just take it off lol

[thehealingsystem]

I'm a multigender, two-spirit nonbinary individual and I gotta say the attitudes from people, even other nonbinary people, regarding those like me existing in both man and woman adjecent categories have been absolutely horrendous. multigender people aren't even considered nonbinary half the time despite literally being represented in the flag colors. we're not included when people say they support nonbinary lesbians and gays, that apparently every other nonbinary person is fine except us. we're invaders. there is this weird attitude towards people who exist as both a man and a woman. there are two sides trying to put us in either one or the other, dictating if we're womanly enough to be a part of woman's spaces or just a male predator (and it gets applied to transmasc multigenders by so called trans allies too). it's like having my arms being tugged in two different directions and I'm slowly being pulled apart. I just can't have both. I have to be one, or the other, or neither

and where do I start with the degendering. it literally happens all the time. told that apparently bigender women can't be lesbian like monogender women can, so we have settle for "gynesexual" or some alternative term. men can't be lesbians and woman can't be gay but "multigender and genderfluids are fine," as if we aren't real men and women. yelled at for even thinking that multigender people were included in those statements, "no you dumb fuck, I was talking about cis men!!" we aren't actually the genders we say we are. multigender people can't ever express their exact gender identities and just have to settle for "multigender," lest we cause some monogender person discomfort. was trying to inform a presumably white person that trying to exclude us from lesbianism was racist, because it degenders a lot of two-spirit people and to imply that two-spirit indigenous people couldn't be lesbians. was told well your existence makes my lesbian friends uncomfortable and this is just my opinion. I quite literally cannot exist anywhere, this has been happening for years just being open about being a multigender lesbian online and caused me to leave a lot of communities

and while a lot of people brush this kind of stuff off as only issues on the internet, it has lead to me getting bullied in real life too, by multiple people. even my friends at the time were targeted just for associating with me. made comments and jokes purposely loud enough for me to hear to make fun of me. left demeaning notes where I sat. made sure to say invalidating shit to my face if we passed by the hall, or asked intrusive questions about my relationships any time they could get near me. sent over disgusting shit to put on my lunch tray (that i didnt even realize at first was supposed to be making fun of, not a joke i was allowed to be in on). tried to get me and my friends in trouble for laughing. all because an ex-friend found out online I was both a boy and a lesbian, who was not nonbinary, who was not a lesbian, and who was white. and he was one of these same people online with the mindset that we're invaders, we're straights trying to get into the community, that they needed to protect the lesbians from people like us. beforehand him and his friends upon finding out on discord set up this whole act to trick me into thinking they were defending me, only to turn around and laugh at me for falling for it, mocking me, interrogating me about my identity. and even after well over a year had passed during summer break he still went out and continued to stalk my social media, and find this blog I never shared with him to send me queerphobic messages and drawings of myself with every dirt he could find on me

there is so much more I could say right now, because there has just been so much shit. I could go into what I experience from the school system, workforce, or my family, and so many other things. But I do want to impress upon people that while a lot of online fighting and gatekeeping does seem like stuff that only happens online, the people behind the screen are real people who mostly do hold these opinions. and that the people who identify this way do exist in real life as well. it can and does lead to real life consequences. I felt unsafe online and at school because of it, and the only reason things didn't get worse is because I had friends to defend me. he told people who never knew me who I was, that I was the too-weird queer, and do you know how dangerous that is? in a world where queer people are violently hate crimed, assaulted? for a person to go around purposely inciting hate towards me? I am begging to please, please think about the consequences of what you're saying. it is not harmless no matter how respectable you're being about it, even if you'd never take it farther, because there are people out there who will

I've seen a lot of discussions about exorcism still don't really focus on multigender people much at all, and I just wanted to get my two cents in because so many people still don't listen to us or consider us in their conversations. I just wish people cared more, because as I've noticed the trends of discourse are that people follow majority opinion no matter what that opinion is. even if it goes against their own values. and I've also noticed that while a lot of our identities have become the butt end of jokes, man that's a woman, woman that's a man, boygirl, girlboy, she's his boyfriend, he's her girlfriend, but there is still a large amount of disrespect towards us as people and a failure to even take us seriously when it's needed. I find those jokes funny but when I look onto their account to see man lesbians and woman gays on their dni I am not that impressed. Just please do better

❗️❗️ This is asked entirely in good faith. This post is intended to open dialogue and help with solidarity and understanding. ❗️❗️

I would like to hear specifically from nonbinary people how the system of exorsexism/enbyphobia uniquely targets and affects you. Things that you feel other demographics do not experience. Reblogs and replies are very encouraged! If you would prefer, you could dm or send an ask to be added anonymously by me.

This is in the spirit of wanting to understand. I am listening. I encourage all binary trans people to not speak on this topic and let nonbinary people do the talking here. Reblog the post to spread it, but please say nothing.

Any and all people who identify as nonbinary are encouraged to participate. This is not agab-locked. If you are agender, trans neutral/neutrois, genderfluid, bigender, trigender, multigender, xenogender, genderqueer, third gender, two spirit, or any other gender not wholey contained within the strict binary of "man" or "woman", this post is for you. Even if you have already posted on the trans fem or trans masc versions, if you are nonbinary, you are welcome here.

This is not bait to start a fight. I will block without hesitation anyone who is actively being a shithead on this post. I want to hear and uplift your voices by getting it directly from you.

Click this to access the trans fem and trans women version of this post.

Click this to access the trans masc and trans men version of this post.

[vaspider]

'only tenet of TERFism is transmisogyny' EXCUSE ME NO ITS ALL TRANS PEOPLE. They don't want any trans person to exist. What the hell.

Some people just gotta center their own suffering always, even when they're hurting other people by doing so. I've seen this a lot in younger queer folx of all stripes, this need to be the one that hurts the most, you know?

There's a reason the phrase Oppression Olympics exists, and it's because it's a common behavior or phenomenon in oppressed communities. I see it in the disability community, too.

What I think is important to understand when we talk about how trans people suffer under transphobia is that different groups are targeted differently. I'm not the first person to say this, of course.

Now, like, this is very rough sketchy stuff, and each person's individual experiences will vary, but in my general experience, the rough breakdown of the way in which transphobia lands on trans people kind of breaks down like this:

Binary trans women tend to suffer under a lens of hypervisibility. Everything they do is seen, analyzed, and torn apart. Their struggles are generally the ones centered in the arguments of allies, "allies," and transphobes. Even when trans women are the focus of helpful attention, that hypervisibility can cause exhaustion, because they need to perform perform perform, and be perfect, all the time. It's hard for trans women to just be without feeling like they're on camera, all the time. A lot of the time, they are on camera, because trans women's bodily autonomy and right to privacy are just never respected by transphobes (and often by supposed "allies" who feel free to ask the most invasive questions and get upset when trans women won't answer them), and even if they're not literally on camera, they're supposed to perform as the best examples of transfemininity, because if they don't, then they become the next 'look at this bad trans, all trans are this bad trans' example that TERFs point at and use as a broad brush to paint all trans women. If they're not perfect all the time and have a day where they snap at someone while someone is recording, or make a mistake, or anything, it has a horrible tendency to go viral. You can think of at least three instances right now off the top of your head, right? Right.

Binary trans men tend to suffer from hyperinvisibility. This comes from inside and outside the community -- a lot of trans men talk about being told they can't lead in community because they've 'got male privilege,' that their struggles are discarded, that they're talked over and unable to discuss the things they face, which means they don't get the support they need. Now, there are TERFs and transphobes who absolutely do focus their attention on trans men to the exclusion of or to the deprioritization of the oppression of trans women -- that's where we get Tavistock and Irreversible Damage and Fourth Wave Now and all the other bullshit which focuses on the idea that trans men are "transing the gay away," specifically "transing our butch lesbians" and "stealing butches." But again, generally speaking, trans men face harmful levels of invisibility where trans women face harmful levels of visibility. That's why transmascs in general have issues like lack of understanding even by supposedly trans-competent doctors as to how HRT affects our bodies, why trans men (and transmascs in general) report things like transphobes attacking them with transmisogynistic comments and assuming that every trans person online is a trans woman, etc.

Non-binary (here used as an umbrella term for all identities outside of binary man/woman, to include agender, genderfluid, non-binary, and infinite other identities) AFAB people tend to suffer from a different, very specific form of hypervisibility, unless they start to appear too masculine, and then they slip into hyperinvisibility. This is where we get things like "women and non-binary people" that codes all non-binary people as "AFAB people I can sort of squint and view as women," and people who fall into this category tend to get a lot of attention, a lot of derision from all sides of the spectrum. This is the "blue-haired tenderqueer" sneering that we get from both within and without the queer community, where there's an assumption that these people are just cosplaying an identity, that they're not really trans, etc. Having been in the visibility category and slipped into the invisibility category within the last, oh, year or so, and having two binary trans women in my family to compare notes with, the experiences are unnervingly similar. The difference between the experience that those women have had and the experience that I have had is that according to transphobes, I'm a traitor to my womanhood and performing femininity wrong and taking on a fake identity to escape female oppression because I'm not strong enough to bear up under it, but too cowardly to become a trans man, or... something, whereas they're taking on a fake identity to sneak into women's spaces because they're perverts.

Non-binary (umbrella identity etc) AMAB people tend to suffer from their own very specific form of hyperinvisibility, unless they start to present "too feminine", and then they slip into the hypervisibility which affects binary trans women, but with a little different fuckery in which everyone just assumes they're a trans woman, and therefore they get misgendered by everyone across the spectrum of queer/non-queer/etc. Non-binary AMAB people are generally treated like they don't exist, and when they are spoken about, are often discussed in the context of 'they should just admit they're trans women or gay men,' or if they present 'too feminine,' are subjected to the same sort of horrific attention that trans women get.

Again, a lot of this is very simplistic, and doesn't add in a lot of other complicating factors like race, disability, class, etc. Trans men of color, for example, can run into a different sort of hypervisibility because as they move further through their transition, they begin to be seen in the world as a man of color. It's not really mine to speak on beyond that, but I don't want to neglect saying 'this is really really simplistic and there's more to it than that' over and over.

I really hate breaking it down this simply because it feels like creating another binary (our society does like a binary!) for non-binary people, but like, I can't really talk about my shared experiences with other trans people without putting some framework around it. Someday, I'll be able to do that without categories. Wouldn't that be awesome?

I think we do our entire community a huge disservice when we talk about transphobia as if it's a single snake trying to take bites out of only one part of the community, and not a many-headed hydra, able to attack us from multiple different directions. I also think that focusing on one form of oppression keeps us from forming meaningful solidary and coalitions; the more divided we are, the easier it is for the people who literally want us all to stop existing to pick us off one by one. We see this all across the queer community and it's only ramping up as the attacks on our community escalate from without; people tend to turn on the ones closest to them when they get really scared, and to blame the person standing next to them for the pain they're suffering. It's the "close enough to hit" phenomenon, and it's why we see ridiculous things like "bi women make cis men think that lesbians can be won over," rather than acknowledging that bi women aren't the ones causing that: cis men are the ones causing that. The bi women in that case are close enough to hit. Transmascs are close enough to hit. Trans women are close enough to blame for the problems of transmascs, which makes it possible for TERFs to lure transmascs in and attempt to detransition them, subjecting them to gaslighting and manipulation and then using them as sock puppets.

TERFs do focus a lot on transmisogyny. They focus a lot on transmisandry, too. Debating which one is more prevalent and 'worse' not only misses the point, because transmascs and transfems face very different and totally rotten attention from cis society as a whole, including cis queers. We need to like, not do that anymore: we need to give each other the space to talk about our unique circumstances, but we also need to work harder on looking at each other through a lens of solidarity and trying to see that our struggles are different but not unrelated, and that if we keep downing on each other like this, we're not going to get anywhere except in a much more difficult situation as the people who don't want any of us to exist keep picking us off.

[dreamylyfe-x]

Your trevor meta is making me realize how weird it is that the writers and cast were so insistent that mickey wasn't coming back, because I don't think theyve ever really known what to do with ian's story without him. They put him in these lukewarm relationships and tell us they're so much better and healthier, but then have ian straight up admit that he still loves mickey and nobody else has made him feel the same way. How do they set that up and then have him go back to trevor? They set up ian moving on with "I'm not that person anymore" and follow up with season 8. It's like okay...who he is now is gay Jesus? Lmao. He's always been the shows forgotten middle child and after they wrote mickey off "for good" they could have taken him in a million directions but they chose one so shitty it basically made cam leave lmao. Sometimes it feels like fan insistence kind of forced mickey back but in actuality, the seasons where he's gone just hammer home that he was always the inevitable end to ian's story. So bizarre how little the showrunners understand their own story sometimes.

Ok. I’m going to be a little more Doylist here than I usually am, because we’re talking about what the writers are thinking. And I’m also going to take this opportunity to share this fascinating article from the AV Club in 2016: When Fan Engagement Goes Wrong. Everyone beware, it contains significant spoilers for The 100. But it’s also largely about Gallavich, the fact that online promotion of Shameless leaned hard into the popularity of the couple, and were up against it when Noel left. I’ll quote: 

“[Supervising Producer Shelia] Callaghan’s choice to be honest and straightforward when engaging with fans is admirable, and yet also on some level futile. She can’t tell them exactly why Fisher chose to leave, she is (logically) unwilling to spoil future storylines outright, and she can only speak her own mind as part of a collaborative process over which she holds only some influence. So while many fans respect her effort to maintain the connection to this now marginalized community, others attack, reinforcing that attempting to manage these situations is a full-time job that no one has been properly trained for.” 

This article links some tweets and the one I find the most interesting is this one:

“But the actor left.  So...what to do? Have them just break up?? Felt way less true to me than a forced separation!” 

That tweet is from Krista Vernoff, who wanted to convey that they tried really hard to come up with what they do with Ian now that he’d lost Mickey. And I’m sure they did try really hard. And.... People hated it. Mostly. 

Here’s what I think, based on what I’ve read and the interviews I’ve seen, on deleted tweets and Tumblr rumours and YouTube clips: The show didn’t want Mickey to leave the canvas. At all. Noel wanted more money. The show could not come up with both that money and the money they needed for everyone else. The show let him go. And hoped they could solve the creative problem their budgetary problem had dumped in their lap. 

I actually think Ian’s story in season six is decent. I miss Mickey, of course. I find the last scene with him really painful -- but it’s not painful because the show is trying to diminish him. They write and then cut together a scene where Mickey is DEMONSTRATIVELY still deeply in love with Ian. He’s carved his name in his chest. He is looking at Ian like he’s the most beautiful creature ever given breath. And Ian can barely meet his gaze. They tell us Mickey is being sent away for 16 years but when we see the last of Mickey Milkovich in season six I think “God, this is so sad. They love each other so much and this is so fucked up.” 

I do NOT think “We are NEVER EVER EVER getting back together.” 

The show always knew what it had with Ian and Mickey. They leaned into it promotionally. They gave meaty storylines to the characters, particularly given that Ian was the fourth lead on a family dramedy built around six children. John Wells replaced Aaron Sorkin on The West Wing. He knows how hard it is to follow a phenomenon. 

The more I think about it, honestly? I don’t think they tried. I think they knew that they couldn’t bring in Mickey Milkovich, the sequel in season six, so they brought in Caleb. And maybe they meant for him to be a LITTLE more viable than he was... but I think there’s a pretty good chance they were just throwing something at the wall to see if it stuck, while being fully aware that the important storyline in season six was getting Ian from despair to a fulfilling career. Caleb was just there as a catalyst. 

Season seven if more interesting, because Trevor is brought on and it’s very much... “Hey, let’s do something new. Let’s bring on a transmasc character and put him into a relationship with Ian and explore those complications.” 

“Great! Put it up on the board!” 

“Also. Let’s call Noel Fisher’s people and see what we can work out because we can do better with Mickey’s send off and people are yelling at me on the street about it.” 

Quite honestly, these are not equal tasks for his writer’s room. You have one story -- Create a whole ass new character. The only thing we know is that he’s trans. Figure out the romance from there. You have six episodes to get them together as an established couple. 

Then: Bring back the well-established and beloved character for an epic romantic two-episode arc where he reunites with his true love and they run away together and then ultimately realize it cannot be, and say goodbye and it all feels like I Will Always Love You should be playing in the background. They actors worked together for five years. They have a great professional partnership. They like working together. They have a ton of history so there’s lots of juicy subtext. The longing and sexual tension comes pre-established. See what you can do. 

HOW do you make both those things work out so that they are equal? You need lightening to strike. And that already happened on How I Met Your Mother. They squandered their good luck and now there is none left for Shameless. I do not disparage Elliot Fletcher at all when I say that for Trevor and Ian to really work he’d have had to have come with scorching chemistry with Cam, rich material that really gave them a good opportunity to build rapport between the characters, and A wizard standing by to cast spells in the wings. They had SIX episodes, a pretty average connection between the actors, and the “these are the LGBTQ+ people in your neighbourhood” scene. 

I just can’t believe that someone with as many years of TV writing under his belt as John Wells has expected that to work. He hoped the Trevor story might be good, and was certainly going to break some ground in terms of telling trans stories. And the Mickey story was going to be the highlight, because he knew people wanted it and he also knew that they’d had something pretty special to start with. Which is why people were yelling at him at Comic-Con. I DO think he hoped it might placate fans a bit. But... he wasn’t going to completely close the door on Mickey this time, either. 

So... I don’t really think the show every intended to write Mickey off “for good”. I think they wrote him off “for now, and we’ll see what happens...” -- and they did that with Karen, Shelia, Jody, Steve and Fiona, too. They only brought a few of those people back... They brought Mickey back three times. They ended Gallavich FOUR times. Noel is in ever season except eight. I don’t think they wanted Mickey gone -- but I KNOW the fans also made it pretty hard for them not to know his value, so absolutely I think that played a role. But when you create something people love and you get that lightening in a bottle like they did with this story, I think writers are always going to be excited to get that back. They like praise! They like people to be excited about their show. And Gallavich was always one of the things that got people excited about Shameless. 

I think they also wanted Gay Jesus to be a great story. But that’s why the lightening in the bottle is so valuable. You can’t just get it anywhere. 

[rookisaknight]

Raf Tanager, meet Hope County

⤘⤘⤘There’s a new Deputy in Town⬽⬽⬽

So as a side benefit of getting into this fandom again with a brand new gender and a brand new vibe: a brand new deputy. Excited to introduce you all to my boy, they were developed for a joint Deputy au with @ophiebot​ (who will do this for their Deputy Elijah Rook if so inclined). Not exactly reinventing any wheels here, but this time its about the indulgence.

FYI, Molly is still extant, but her story I think has been explored in my brainspace as much as it needs to be. 

➷The Basics

1. Give their full name, and describe them or post a picture! (Height, build, hair, eye, and skin color, etc.)

Rafael "Raf" Tanager (birth name REDACTED). 5'4", prone to chub but hardening up with the frequent exercise, solid build. Freckles on cheeks that darken as time goes on. Short hair kept red by some truly obsessive hairdye upkeep, which is harder than you might think. Hazel eyes. Burns and shrapnel scars around the eyes and mouth.

2. How old are they?

24

3. Sexuality and gender?

Bisexual, transmasc genderqueer. She/they/he but a preference for they/he when he doesnt trust the person using them.

➵Pre-Game

1. How did they end up at the Hope County Sheriff’s Department? How long have they worked there?

Raf grew up closer to Missoula, but he’s still a Montana native. They’ve been at this for around 8 months, pretty much right out of graduating college. Even they honestly aren’t sure how they ended up here, just the latest in a series of adrift jobs after graduating, taken primarily to avoid any potential financial dependence on their  family. Probably would have resigned soon were it not for. Everything.

2. Relationship with Pratt, Hudson, and Whitehorse?

Pratt: Used to hate his guts. The teasing felt too much like flirting for their comfort and he was honestly kind of a bully. Now its trickier. He's pathetic in a way that’s hard for them to be around, as awful as that is, because it hits too close to home.

Hudson: Had a massive crush on her for most of their early days that pretty much went out the window post Eden’s Gate. They still try a little too hard to impress her though.

Whitehorse: Intellectually, they resent his passivity since it means a lot of Eden’s Gate ended up falling in their lap and he’s STILL insistent that maybe they should have left it alone when they’ve all had months to realize why that was a bad idea in the first place. Emotionally, well, they’re maybe a little in need of a father figure or two.

Elijah Rook: The former Rookie. They were quietly a little intimidated by him prior to all this and that’s never fully gone away, but they’ve now been able to witness more of his dorky side that makes it a little harder to take him seriously. You try chaperoning this guy from one end of Hope County and considering him at all frightening.

3. Do they have an education?

They have a MASTERS and its never relevant to anything because its a humanities degree, specifically the classics. Part of the reason they’re a little adrift currently, there was no easy dismount out of college. Just a hell of a lot of debt.

4. Where are they from? Did they speak a different language there?

Missoula, or close enough to it. They picked up some Latin and Greek from their degree. The Latin comes in handy more often than you’d think, what with the cult stuff, but the reading material is a real bummer.

5. Is there anyone outside the valley that might have come looking for them?

They’ve never had many friends in college and high school that could outlast physical proximity and they basically ghosted their family since that was easier than coming out to them at a certain point. So no, no one they want to find them is looking.

6. Did they have a religious background of any kind?

His father is a preacher, and while there’s some baggage there they would still describe themselves as broadly religious. Or at the very least superstitious.

➷Inside Hope County

1. What was going through their head when the helicopter went down and during the subsequent chase?

The crash was honestly the easiest part. That was just panic. The chase was the hard part. The helicopter exploding ended up catching them in the face, leaving them with burns and scarring that would remain for the rest of their life. She's lucky she wasn’t blinded. Still, he was forced to stumble out of the woods in intense pain and bleeding out. Had it not been for Elijah they definitely would have been taken then and there.

2. Were they afraid of Joseph and Eden’s Gate? Angry?

Terrified. Not just because of what they’ve done but because Raf knows intuitively that he's susceptible to it. As early as their first encounter they have a hard time breaking the hold Joseph gets on their mind. Even though they’re conscious of HOW they’re being manipulated, its hard to resist it.

3. Did they trust Dutch?

At that point Raf would’ve happily taken literally anyone who seemed to know what they’re doing and wasn’t holding a gun to his head.

4. How did they feel about their team being taken by the cult, did they count them as lost, did they want them back, did they not care?

Absolutely the nightmare scenario: people’s lives depending on them and their ability to be decisive. Had it not been for Elijah they probably would’ve high tailed it out of there and tried to find someone higher up the authority chain to deal with this mess. Still, just abandoning them all didn’t sit right with him either, and by the time they’d liberated Fall’s End even he had to admit he was there by his own choice.

5. How did they take to the idea of being part of, if not leading, the resistance?

Again, Raf doesn’t really do well with people depending on them. Alone. they probably would have found it a lot more miserable, but Elijah significantly helped lighten that load for them in terms of having a direction. They’ve found out they’re accidentally pretty good at working with a variety of people and can even be inspiring without meaning to. Still, in their ideal world they would’ve been left alone, or at least remained a foot soldier.

6. Which companions did they recruit, and who did they travel with the most?

All guns for hire were recruited, but Sharky and Nick were their go-to’s, Sharky for personal reasons and Nick for air support. Grace was usually the adult supervision when Nick couldn’t make it but. To be frank Raf's aim isn’t great and it drives Grace a little nuts on prolonged missions. She’s tried teaching them but it never really seems to stick.

7. Did they have time to find romance amidst the chaos? How did they do it?

Sharky. That relationship was a bit of a cold opener  (and don’t bother, Sharky already beat you to that joke). After getting their face fucked up during the escape they’ve had a pretty healthy aversion to fire and explosives, making his recruitment a little harrowing. Still, Sharky's sweet in his way, makes them laugh and breathe a little easier when the pressure gets to them, and operates on a pretty similar brainwave. They’ve been joined at the hip since their first few months in Holland Valley. They’re both a little on the codependent side, but really, who are they to complain.

8. Feelings about Joseph?

Joseph taps into a lot of vulnerabilities inside of Raf intuitively. The absence of a strong support system, the loneliness, the fear, the directionlessness, the relationship with their own spirituality, it all provides him a unique entryway into their psyche that he is exactly the kind of person to exploit. As a result, he tends to fixate on them over Elijah, usually to their detriment. Still, that connection can sometimes go both ways, and there are things about Joseph that Raf understands which even his brothers never fully do.

9. Feelings about the other Seeds?

John: They have a unique capacity for antagonizing him. Probably because as an oldest child themselves they know exactly how to jab at the youngest child insecurities. Still, that relationship didn’t stem any deeper and he focused his energies a little more on Elijah. Still, they have him to thank for the Sloth scars on their arm, thanks for that. They’re starting to run out of unmarked skin.

Faith: Faith, meanwhile, was a little more directly focused on Raf, partly because her region was the first time they had to operate a little more on their own. For personal reasons, Elijah wasn’t particularly able to engage with the Bliss. Meaning if Burke was ever going to get saved Raf had to be the one to go in there, again and again. Faith, like Joseph, can tap a lot of that loneliness that Raf has, as well as some gender and sexuality stuff Joseph can’t touch. Suffice to say Sharky had a pretty good reason for being as overbearing as he was during those months, even though he was eventually able to do the job. As a side note, they haven’t had access to their ADHD meds for MONTHS and it doesn’t help when the cult drug is the first thing to make your head feel clear in a while.

Jacob: Jacob was utterly uninterested in Raf and the feeling was mostly mutual. He doesn’t really get him or what he’s about, just knows that the county would be better off when he was put down. Transition goals, though (don’t tell Staci they said that).

10. How did they handle having to kill animals and other humans? Had they done it before?

Animals yeah, you don’t live in Montana as long as they did without hunting occasionally. People....well. You can get used to it.

11. Which canon ending did they choose in-game, and would you have changed the ending at all?

Resist. I wouldn’t. Raf might.

➷Personal

1. Favorite weapon(s)?

They usually prefer to show up to spots early and lay traps, try to minimize the direct combat involvement. When it can’t be avoided though, their pistol isn’t ever far and neither is a hunting knife.

2. Stealth or firepower?

Stealth, one hundred percent. Sharky and Eli are here to do the firepower.

3. How did they spend their time, when not fighting peggies?

A lot of bad movies with the boyfriend and a LOT of poker, one of their more unknown talents. Resistance isn’t gonna fund itself.

4. Where did they live during the events of the game?

Wherever there was a bed they could fall into. Their little trailer they’d been living in prior to all this got absolutely decimated while they were healing up on Dutch’s island.

5. Any other facts you want to share about your Deputy!

He’s got almost supernatural luck to the point that a couple of their guns for hire have gotten superstitious about bringing him to certain events. Including fishing. The catch just always seems somehow a little better. Also he’s privately obsessed with the 1998 recording of Cats and is terrified of anyone finding out.

[direquail]

An NB reading of Grace in Terminator: Dark Fate

Disclaimer:

Before I start, just want to get this out here: I’m in no way insisting that Grace *has* to be non-binary, that we’re *supposed* to read her as non-binary, or that that’s in any way what she’s “meant to be”. This is just some stuff I’ve noticed that, as someone who sits on the genderqueer/non-binary/transmasc side of things, really resonated with me. Again--read her as entirely woman-identified if that’s what you want to do or feels right to you. I am ecstatic that lesbians and wlw-identified folks have someone that they feel represented in, too. I wish I’d had more characters like her when I was growing up and felt so out of place because of my gender non-conformity. 


But I, for one, would love a non-binary or even trans reading of Grace.

So what I’d like to do instead is just lay out a couple ways someone who is NB-identified *might* connect with Grace as a nonbinary character. Starting with the obvious.

Androgyny Now, I do want to be clear that I know that gender presentation =\= gender identity. And again, obviously, people will latch onto things that they relate to in characters, and I really do believe that there’s no “one right way” to read a character. The character of Grace isn’t a real person; she’s part of a story, told by people, who had something specific to say, and her character reflects that. But from the perspective of the people who watch her, who internalize and connect with her character, there can be points of connection that have nothing to do with the author’s/creator’s intent, and so, Grace-the-character can be many things to many people. The only real way to know how a person IDs is to ask them. That’s it, that’s all. You can’t assume. But also, sometimes, people do “ping” a certain way. They give off a sort of “energy”, and for me, Grace’s energy isn’t the sort of “diaphanous femininity” that even visibly-gender-nonconforming AFAB characters are often framed to exude. Grace’s energy isn’t masculine, either. Her mannerisms don’t seem intended to read that way; rather, they seem intended to read as soldier. I’m not very skilled at breaking down movements, especially when it comes to how actors move and what it all means. It’s totally possible that a lot of what’s unique about how Grace moves is because Mackenzie Davis is, self-admittedly, not the most athletically-inclined person. Grace is long-limbed and rangy and sometimes very stiff/poised, but never stiff through the hips like a Straight Dude(TM), or heavy through the shoulders like a musclebound meathead. She takes up space, too; she’s taller than Dani and Sarah both, and the only recurring characters who are “bigger” than her throughout most of the film are Carl and the Rev-9.

To be clear: Women can be tall, and rangy, and androgynous, and take up space, and that doesn’t make them less women--unless they don’t identify that way. My point with all of the above is just observing that Grace doesn’t move like a “male action hero”—but she also doesn’t seem over-the-top feminine in the way that mainstream-y media will “compensate” for perceived unfemininity, and that’s kind of wonderful. Her stature, her physique, all of that, seem to be chosen and calibrated towards an end goal that isn’t gendered: Combat, efficacy as a warrior. Whether you want to read her as a woman or as nonbinary is largely going to be about your personal preference. This also has the effect of giving the impression that Grace is absolutely unselfconscious about her body and how it looks—and she has no reason to be, not because she looks good or bad, but because what she can do with her body is just so vastly more important, and because she’s so willing to put her body and everything it can do on the line in order to fulfill her mission (and protect Dani). If Grace has a gender, it’d be “Protector” or “Warrior”. And in a way, what makes Grace so appealing to female-identified lesbians is the same thing that makes her appealing to NB people—Her character was explicitly designed not to cater to “the male gaze”, and therefore, she also exists outside the typical gendered confines reserved for “female characters” in media. The emphasis is just slightly different: Instead of a different way of being female, NB!Grace has little to no use for those categories at all. Again, it’s all in how you want to read her. Grace comes from a future where survival and fighting take first priority, and you could project the same tired “Gender isn’t a ~problem~ in the future/after the world ends” approach that a lot of cis and hetero men take to sci-fi--but also, why? It’s tired. Give me a Grace who is preoccupied with survival, yes, who maybe doesn’t have time to think too much about this gender shit--but also, a Grace who finds that this “androgyny” (although she might not call it that) suits her, who takes to this way of moving and being in the world, this way of using her body, and identifies more with that than with being a “man” or a “woman”. 


(Sidenote: as someone who took a fair amount of Queer Studies classes, it does irk me a bit that discussions of mainstream-y speculative media seem permanently suspended between this sort of “genderblind” futurism where “identities” just don’t exist because they’re apparently not needed anymore, or copy-pasting our contemporary discourses about identity into a future that is materially very different than ours. The point of these identities is, in part, to describe our experiences, the good as well as the bad, and those experiences of gender and sexuality don’t exist in a vacuum. So, the words we use will necessarily change to accommodate that—especially in the post-apocalypse. BUT, everything that comes after us will also bear the stamp of what came before it; it’s just a matter of what the creator means to emphasize.) Augments & Body Mods This is a little dicey, because there’s some clear tension in the movie between the idea of robots = inhuman/unfeeling = bad, and humans = good/feeling. And in that light, it’s potentially problematic to (even incidentally) imply that nonbinary/gender-nonconforming = not human.

But I’d like to point out that the film does deliberately challenge any neat separation of “human” and “machine” with Carl’s evolution as a person. 
And based on what I’ve read from James Cameron and Tim Miller interviews, there is some “blurring” intended between human and machine in the franchise.

In fact, Carl and Grace are foils for each other, somewhat, in the sense that they’re on opposite ends of a spectrum where human and machine become blurred, and I love that. As a genderqueer person with a very fluid experience, it appeals to me on a deep level because you could spend literally forever breaking down where does one “gender” end and another begin--emotionally, socially, spiritually, and physically.  


So the fact that there’s (1) no hard binary between human and machine (it’s explicitly subverted), and (2) we’re given multiple points of inflection, especially if you count Sarah and the Rev-9--alleviates a lot of the tension I’d feel otherwise in mentioning this. But I don’t think this is something that should be allegorical or a direct comparison; I think that it operates best on a metaphorical or theoretical level. 


And just, it’s the whole vaguely-cyberpunk idea of modifying your own body, not in a mass-produced or manufactured sense, but in this organic and highly individual sense, born out of contingency and necessity, that makes Grace’s Augments so meaningful. It’s one of the things that makes her read as human, too, because it feels more in line with our tendency to stick ink, steel, bone, what have you, through our skins whenever we get the chance--as opposed to some kind of symbolic dehumanization by “becoming a machine”.

Grace routinely refuses to categorize herself in anything other than the most general terms, or explain the details of her Augments, and she seems very protective of them. Rather than seeming ashamed, this refusal reads a lot like the popular queer identity explanation “not gay as in happy, but queer as in “fuck you’”. Her Augments are part of her, and part of her humanity; she volunteered for them, she owns them, and is even protective of them, viewing CBP’s invasive examination of her Augments as a kind of violation of her bodily autonomy. They’re clearly complicated for her, but they’re anything but depersonalized.

And going even further, the reason why she volunteered for them is so that she can defend humanity--and also someone she loves (Dani). They’re an extension of her sense of family, loyalty, love, and willingness to sacrifice.

And I don’t know for sure, but I imagine that Grace is basically one-of-a-kind, even among other Augments, if only because those Augmentations seem to be performed with the tech that’s on hand--salvaged Legion tech, by the sound of it, at least to start with. So the outcome depends on the parts available, the complexity and maturity of the Augmentation technology and process, and the skill & experience of the surgeons, all of which would vary over time. 


And honestly? If that doesn’t qualify as “beyond the binary”, I don’t know what does.

Some other general observations:

- Grace’s short hair is a constant throughout the post-Judgement Day scenes. As someone who started wearing their hair short as a preteen and hasn’t had hair to my shoulders since age 12, that does seem significant.

- Grace only introduces herself by name after Diego shouts “HEY LADY” in the factory before dropping an engine block on the Rev-9. Granted, most women don’t like to be addressed as “HEY LADY”, either, but it stood out to me, especially because she refused to give her name only a couple of minutes before that. Either way you read it, the line feels like it expresses some level of discomfort with or objection to that gendered statement. Maybe she finds that particular reference annoying or even offensive, but also, maybe she doesn’t really identify as a woman. She’s just... Grace.

- there were multiple times I mistook the back of her tank top for the back of a binder, even though she clearly was not binding.

- she constantly steals mens’ clothes--partly because she’s too tall for a lot of womens’ clothes around her, partly out of utility (like at the factory and CBP, where a lot of the guards are men). But also, it pleases the genderfucking queer in me quite a bit. And, I should note, when she had the option to take a female guard’s clothes at the CBP facility... she didn’t.

But ultimately, when I look at Grace, I see someone whose gender is “Warrior” or “Soldier”. And it’s so wonderful to see that so purely represented on a character we’re meant to perceive as female. So, please believe me when I say I don’t want to “take away” what Grace means for other people. 
And, for the record, I do mostly default to using she/her pronouns for Grace, because that’s how she’s canonically referred to. But just for fun--try this on for size: Using “they/them” pronouns for Grace. They (Grace) came back in time to protect Dani. It rolls off the tongue, right? It feels nice. Let’s re-try a couple of sentences from above: 


- “multiple times I mistook the back of their tank top for the back of a binder, even though they clearly weren’t binding” 


- “Grace’s Augments are about their ability to be a soldier. They were Augmented in order to hunt Terminators... Everything else is secondary to that, and their mission to protect Dani”

- “Grace only introduces themself by name after Diego shouts “HEY LADY” in the factory before dropping an engine block on the Rev-9 ... Maybe they find that particular reference annoying or even offensive, but also, maybe they don’t really identify as a woman. They’re just... Grace.”

And finally: 


Can you imagine the poor sod who tried to make fun of Grace for having a “girly” name? lmao rip

[hypotheticalother]

it's gonna be okay, baby

Hey, you.

I think the last time I wrote anything to you, about you, I was 19, and I thought your name was S. I didn't know yet how right I was, at least for a while - I can't figure out how to access a version of that post that shows the datestamp (oh, tumblr) but it was clearly in February, and we didn't admit we were in love and start dating until March 5th. But we managed it, somehow. For the first time ever, it worked out. That's probably why I quit posting on this blog around then.

For two years, she was you, and I was so happy. I was posting on main today how I think the best time in my life so far, mental health-wise, was when I was with her. For the time when it was working, anyway, cause of course eventually it stopped working so well, our lives went in different direction, so we went our separate ways. I don't really miss her - there's no need to. We're still friends, though we've continued to diverge and definitely wouldn't work now the way we did then. Still, it was good. I learned so much, grew so much, gained so many of those experiences I spent all that time writing to you lamenting not having had. Having sex. Being loved. Feeling at home and okay in my body, at least for a while.

It's funny reading back my old letters to you - journal entries, basically - and seeing how much I feel like I've come full circle since then. A lot of things have changed. Half the people in those letters are getting misgendered when I read them now, including sort of me. I've spent a lot of time with my therapist talking about how mad I was at that version of myself, for a long time, for not realizing she was queer sooner - if the affection and compassion I feel for my younger self, reading back, is any indication, I think we were successful at moving me past that - so it's interesting to look back and remember it wasn't as much of a snap realization as it feels like in hindsight. It feels so obvious now, and it's honestly kind of funny to read some passages that could be straight (ha) out of an encyclopedia entry on compulsory heterosexuality.

but back then, I had thought I was straight and was slowly but surely figuring out I wasn't, even as I was lonely and longing to be loved but unable to find it or feel it yet. now I'm lonely and longing to be loved and unable to find it or feel it lately, and back at the questioning drawing board a little as I work out gender and whether I might actually like men after all, after years of firmly believing I don't, just in a gay way that it feels completely impossible to practically achieve in the body I live in. but I still love women in a gay way, in the body I have, and maybe that's enough, cause it's not like there's anything I can do to change that. not in the exact way I want. which is how I felt about everyone, when I was 19 and hadn't experienced being loved and desired while fat at all yet! maybe it's all obvious egg behavior from the outside looking in. maybe I'll read this back in another 6 years and say oh honey, how wrong you were. let's manifest that, maybe. I don't know.

there've been a lot of people in between who weren't you. no more sexual experience, frustratingly - that 20 years of pent-up sexual frustration I mentioned in one of those letters is now 25 years, minus, like, maybe 2 weeks' worth of total days (I can't remember how many times S and I had sex, I didn't keep track past that wonderful week in Michigan when I was 21 and got eaten out daily), of sexual frustration, so I look forward to figuring that out with you - but at least thanks to a different S (definitely not you, but very hot) I know there would have been if not for the pandemic. let's not talk about the pandemic. I don't want to talk about the pandemic. I kind of think I won't be able to find you, or the next version of you, anyway, until after it's over, and I also kind of think it will never end, because that's how it feels right now, so here I am again writing to you crying alone in my room instead of doing homework. at least it's a room to myself with a queen-size bed now. if I do find you, we'll have enough space.

there was K (who shared my pre-high school name, if not the formal one). we went on three dates, she was the second person I ever kissed, I was maybe going to go hang out at her apartment one night but she panicked and cancelled and at the time I didn't fully understand what was going on but now I think she assumed hanging out at someone's apartment definitely meant sex and she just wasn't ready for that commitment and you know, that's fine. she was cool. veering a little close to queer twin dating, not to mention the name thing, but she was great. she moved to New York, and as far as I know, didn't experiment with communism - but almost certainly went down on a girl, since she got into a relationship with one within months of moving there. I don't know if they're still together, but I'm happy for her. the timing just wasn't right.

there was C. I can't talk about C right now, or maybe ever. I'm so happy for her that she's so happy with the nice transmasc guy she's living with and their cats. timing is such a motherfucker. alexa play the one that got away by katy perry. I could have said anything, ever, but I didn't, because I was moving away. god I just don't know. they're moving here right as I'm leaving. that's probably for the best. fuck timing. I miss her so much.

there was N. we only made it two dates before we both bailed on each other and blamed it on being too busy, though I'll never know if that really was it. it's fine. never kissed her. she kissed my cheek. didn't really think she was probably you, but she was cool, and maybe if I hadn't been an overwhelmed mess adjusting to law school she could have been.

there was S, the second. I was never going to fall in love with her, we weren't enough alike, not on the same wavelength - I haven't found anyone since the first (well, second) S who felt like we were on the same wavelength at all, and maybe the fallout is now I know that's the problem, and it's what I'm looking for, and I'll know it when I feel it, I just can't find you. the next you. I don't know that I believe in there only being one you anymore, but I want to find the version of you that I'll be willing to put in the work to keep that way, and you'll be willing to love me like that back. point is, S was not you. but we were on the same wavelength when it came to sex for once - I wanted it, I think she wanted it too (she said she did), we just couldn't make it work out. because of the pandemic, which we're not talking about. the 20s and my 20s had better be even more roaring than the last, is all I'm saying. we're all pretty much fucked, no matter what S (the very first, one of those people getting misgendered in the old entries, sorry S, we didn't know then) says; I'm open to being pleasantly surprised, of course, but I feel like I know enough to know the broad outline of what's coming and I just want to get fucked really good by someone other than me before it all gets too fucked up. I don't know if that'll be you. wish it could've been S. we did make out in my car for like 2 hours, so at least there was that, and talked through the logistics of meeting up to spend just one night together, maybe, until we ran into too many roadblocks. again with the timing.

most recently, there was E. I'm still mad at her - she's clearly not you, because I'm old enough and tired enough now not to give someone with that many hardline opinions about mundane things that differ that deeply from mine 2 years of my life, let alone more than a month. I adore cats even though I'm allergic and someone aggressively hating them is a huge red flag to me, and my favorite food revolves around onions, and I don't actually think it's cute to joke that by the fourth date, someone should be willing to change their name for you because it reminds them of their ex. but I'm mad because I did like her, even if we aren't compatible, and I got to know her over that month - we texted almost every day, which is maybe why I let it carry on for a while, cause it was like that with S too; wonderful fun over text, then always rougher around the edges face to face - and then when I said I wasn't interested in dating but would like to be friends, she never replied. ghosted me. she's older than me, even though I guess in dating years she's kind of younger - since she didn't start dating until 22 or 23, as I recall. but for fuck's sake, if you were American you wouldn't be on your parents' health insurance anymore. you could at least have the maturity, the decency to respond to a very polite breakup text, at a stage of the relationship where it's reasonable to break up that way (especially in, again, the pandemic), from someone who goes to grad school on the same campus as you, even if we're thankfully at opposite corners. I hate her and also I keep wanting to text her Twilight memes now that she's finally watched them all and there's nothing I can do about it because she made this choice, not me, and I can take a fucking hint.

I just wish I'd found you by now. maybe picking this up again is me trying to manifest that a little, since the last time I wrote angstily in my online sadness diary here, one autumn, I had found a version of you by spring. but now I think my problem is I feel like I don't understand how. people talk about knowing right away, and I guess maybe I did too, with S, I just didn't know that was what it was yet - I remember thinking, that winter, that it was strange and confusing to have met this person and have bonded so fast but to not know how to fit her into the scheme of my life, because all my real friends were people I'd spent at least a year and mostly many bonding with before we all moved to different places, but here she was. and there you were, for a while. so maybe when I know, I will know. but I don't think I'm going to know any time soon, cause now I'm in a stage of education where most people who aren't fucking unbearable are already happily partnered.

and you know, I'd say I hope I find you again soon, but - there's that bitch timing again, because this time, by summer, the plan is I'm moving away. so I think I just need to be patient, and plan to work harder at finding you where I land. but - *little women saoirse ronan voice* I am so lonely.

I can't really relate to almost any of Katie Gavin's songs, and I think that's healthy for me, in the big picture. but I sure do read back those things I wrote to you when I was - not a kid, but definitely not as much of an adult as I am now - and the one thing I think is,

it's gonna be okay, baby. it's gonna be okay.

Love,

Me.

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

The best places to find queer joy on Instagram

This post is part of Me, online, Mashable's ongoing series digging into online identities.

If you were a queer kid growing up in the early '10s, Tumblr, not school, was where you found community.

Tumblr was home to some of the internet's gayest Disney Princess memes. It was where you went for the best transmasc fashion, queer Harry Potter fan fiction, lesbian spells, and sometimes even a little bit of love. Queer teens disproportionately used the platform, studies found. 

But Tumblr's financials are bleak, and its role in queer culture has quietly diminished. Instead, it's Instagram — an equally visual medium somewhat sheltered from Reddit's trolls, Twitter's bots, and Facebook's morons — to which queer culture has moved. 

And it's a beautiful thing. There's just so much greatness to witness, experience, and fave.

SEE ALSO: Hollywood hasn't gotten any better about LGBTQ inclusivity onscreen

Here are a few of the best queer accounts on Instagram, from queer Appalachian meme culture to LGBTQIA+ astrology— and some non-tearful reminiscing about queer platforms past.

1. For "All things dyke and beautiful," aka, vintage photos of K.D. Lang, Godimsuchadyke

Unlike many queer accounts on Instagram, the account's founder chooses to keep Godimsuchadyke anonymous. The result is less a glimpse of one person's life than it is a bird's-eye view of queer women's culture, history, and art.

It's hands down the best place on the web to find hot vintage photos of Ellen and contemporary paeans to Lena Waithe. Think of it as a collage board of 21st- and late 20th-century queer women's life.

"When I started Godimsuchadyke, it transformed Instagram from a platform that I didn’t find very useful beyond content consumption to a platform where I felt that I could share freely," the account founder told Mashable. "I think a lot of that sense of freedom has to do with my decision to keep the account anonymous and also to keep the posts curatorial, as opposed to sharing images of myself or my personal life."

It's a phenomenal account for anybody, but particularly those in the Xennial queer community desperate to see images of '90s dykes other accounts lack.

This gray tank variation of the iconic hard femme look Anjelica Huston served in Vanity Fair is everything. As a Cancerian femme, I find so much strength in iconic Cancerian women ♥️ (Anjelica Huston portrait by Annie Leibowitz for @vanityfair, 1985)

A post shared by Godimsuchadyke (@godimsuchadyke) on Mar 21, 2018 at 7:01pm PDT

Actual pic of you and bae watching your single friends get ready for yet another Friday night of bi monthly lesbian parties at the “gay” bar and empty romantic encounters (Roseanne, “Ladie’s Choice,” 1992)

A post shared by Godimsuchadyke (@godimsuchadyke) on Feb 2, 2018 at 6:28pm PST

Pam Grier’s lesbian icon status knows no bounds. The Lesbian Avengers, “We Recruit,” Designed by Carrie Moyer 💣⚢ (“The Lesbian Avengers began in New York City in 1992 as a direct action group focused on issues vital to lesbian survival and visibility. They refined media-savvy tactics, often creating actions for their visual appeal, and touched a nerve with the Lesbian Avenger Manifesto. The group quickly spread worldwide after the Avengers organized a Dyke March for lesbian visibility on the eve of the Lesbian and Gay March on Washington in 1993 that mobilized 20,000 lesbians. The Avengers also developed a civil rights organizing project that championed "out" grassroots activism, that not only fought homophobic initiatives, but worked to train activists for the longterm”) #pamgrier #lesbianavengers #werecruit #gay90s #dyke #lesbianculture #lesbianstyle

A post shared by Godimsuchadyke (@godimsuchadyke) on Mar 15, 2018 at 6:24pm PDT

While @Godimsuchadyke is proud of their work on Instagram, they're also making a call for increased representation on the platform, namely: "more archival and cultural accounts that are run by QPOC, trans people, and people with a wide array of experiences with diverse bodies, socioeconomic backgrounds, gender expressions, and sexual identities." 

2. For nerds who love to read about LGBTQIA+ history: queerbible

Account founder Jack Guinness solicits people to write about their favorite LGBTQ heroes for queerbible, then posts snippets of their always poignant essays on Instagram. There's also really charming original art, for those of us who hate to read more than 100 words on Instagram.

As a queer person, I'm not afraid to admit I always like to read about other people like me throughout history. Queerbible provides the super-gay history my high school textbooks just didn't.

SIR IAN MCKELLEN Today on The Queer Bible: ‘A major reason for me becoming a professional actor was because I’d heard you could meet gay people. Where else could you go? There were no clubs in Bolton, no bars. There’s no literature, no internet. There’s nothing on the telly, nothing on the radio. No gay plays, no gay people.’ . Link in bio . #queerhistory #queerhistorymatters #queerbible #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #gayinstagram #gayinsta #lesbian #lesbianhistory #gay #gayworld #gaypride #gaylife #gaylove #gayrights #gaygram #queer #queerart #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtmemes #lgbtproud #queerhistory #queerhistorymatters #lgbtqhistory #ianmckellen @ianmckellen

A post shared by Queer Bible (@queerbible) on May 31, 2018 at 9:50am PDT

PETER HUJAR: CHRISTOPHER ST PIER, 1976 Today on The Queer Bible: ‘Harald Smart here, taking over to introduce a selection of photographs by Peter Hujar, accompanying my essay on his life and work, now live on The Queer Bible. // Our penultimate photo is Christopher Street Pier #2 (Crossed Legs) taken in 1976 // During the 1970s the shipyards of Manhattan’s Lower West Side, which had fallen into postindustrial dilapidation, became a virtually lawless annexe for communities living on the margins of society. Hundreds of gay men explored and occupied the spaces that were made available there during this time, turning the haunting, broken buildings into makeshift canvases for radical art, and into a sprawling sexual cruising ground shot through with danger. Hujar’s photographs of this precarious pre-AIDS utopia illustrate crumbling, deserted interiors - walls covered in poetic verse or lewd, witty cartoons - contrasting them with the scantily-clad bodies sunbathing and making merry out on the riverside during the summer months.’ . Peter Hujar: Speed of Life runs until May 20th 2018, at The Morgan Library & Museum . @h__smart #queerhistory #queerhistorymatters #queerbible #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #gayinstagram #gayinsta #lesbianhistory #sarahkane #gay #gayworld #gaypride #gaylife #gaylove #gayrights #gaygram #queer #queerart #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtmemes #lgbtproud #queerhistory #andywarhol #candydarling #peterhujar #queerhistorymatters #lgbtqhistorymonth . © Peter Hujar Archive, LLC, courtesy Pace/MacGill Gallery, New York and Fraenkel Gallery, San Francisco @themorganlibrary

A post shared by Queer Bible (@queerbible) on Mar 29, 2018 at 10:43am PDT

3. and 4. For the coolest contemporary queer superheroes:  Hayley Kiyoko + Janelle Monae

We all need celebrities to fantasize and gossip about with our equally mildly shallow friends. Kiyoko has been called the "lesbian Jesus." Janelle Monae made pansexual a household term.

For that, they deserve all our likes and love. The best place for that? Instagram.

@refinery29 🌹 @badfatblackgirl 🌹@sheekswinsalways🌹

A post shared by Janelle Monáe (@janellemonae) on May 17, 2018 at 3:54pm PDT

@gq

A post shared by H A Y L E Y K I Y O K O (@hayleykiyoko) on May 9, 2018 at 1:30pm PDT

5. For the best queer rural Appalachian memes (and social services), Queerappalachia

Queerappalachia is Instagram's best account for rural queer Appalachianism, even though competition is, uh, limited. It provides breaking Appalachian news, Dolly Parton memes, BDSM gingerbread iconography, and addiction recovery services for queer and trans Appalachians through a telehealth program.

"These queer [Appalachian] kids need to know about people who got out and did things," Gina Mamone, one of the founders of the account, told Mashable in May. "And that it's okay for them to stay! Stay home and build things. Or not. Whatever they want to do, it's okay. They're okay."

The #internationalgayrodeoassociation had its season opener this past weekend. Keep sending in pics of your #Electricdirt #queerappalachia #gayrodeo #queersouth

A post shared by Queer Appalachia (@queerappalachia) on Feb 20, 2018 at 4:37pm PST

#same #electricdirt

A post shared by Queer Appalachia (@queerappalachia) on Feb 15, 2018 at 3:59pm PST

Keep sending me your #holiday #electricdirt From @mrcotton_tail #queerappalachia #queersouth

A post shared by Queer Appalachia (@queerappalachia) on Dec 24, 2017 at 3:55am PST

6. For LGBT history, high and low: LGBT_History

If you're the type of person who complains that LGBT history was so much cooler back in the day, this account is for you. LGBT_History goes back — all the way back — and provides an eclectic collection of cultural images at all points along the queer timelines. The account, which has more than 283,000 followers, reflects on key moments in history as well as minor cultural shifts. 

It's delightful to look at the protest aesthetic of generations past. Teachers and gay fashionistas, take note.

“FAGGOTS ARE FANTASTIC,” Harmodius & Hoti, San Francisco, California, August 1975. Photo c/o Daniel Nicoletta (@dannic100), whose incredible book of photographs, @lgbtsanfrancisco, is available for Pride. #lgbthistory #HavePrideInHistory #Resist #Mood

A post shared by lgbt_history (@lgbt_history) on Jun 1, 2018 at 2:44pm PDT

“Now they got two nice statues in Sheridan Square Park to remember the Gay Movement. How many people have died for these two little statues to be put in the park to recognize gay people? ... . “I don’t think that as long as people with AIDS and as long as gay people don’t have their rights ... there’s no reason for celebration. That’s how come I walk every year. That’s how come I’ve been walking for Gay rights all these years. Instead of riding in cars and celebrating everything. Cause you never completely have your rights until you all have your rights.” — Marsha P. Johnson, 1992 . Pride is a protest. . Picture: Marsha P. Johnson, Christopher Street Liberation Day, New York City, c. 1989. c/o @randolfewicker. #lgbthistory #HavePrideInHistory #Resist #PayItNoMind #Night

A post shared by lgbt_history (@lgbt_history) on Jun 2, 2018 at 8:25pm PDT

"You're never given power; you have to take it." - Harvey Milk (May 22, 1930 - November 27, 1978) . “MILK for SUPERVISOR” pinback, San Francisco, California, 1973. From collection of @lgbt_history. #lgbthistory #HavePrideInHistory #Resist #Night

A post shared by lgbt_history (@lgbt_history) on May 21, 2018 at 7:04pm PDT

7. For the history they never taught you in school: BlackLesbianArchives

Queer history often bends to the cis, white, and gay. Even if you don't care about history, BlackLesbianArchives is an awesome corrective to the trend. At fewer than 1,000 followers, the account doesn't currently have the following of some of the others on this list, which is exactly why you should follow it. The account zigzags back and forth through crucial moments black lesbian history.

"The BLA was created in June 25, 2017, due to the lack of resources and representation of Black Lesbian history on the web," the account's founder, Krü Maekdo, told Mashable. "As I started coming into myself, I started to research history on my people of the past. I'm a huge history archivist, so having this information available is crucial to me. I figured if I'm searching for this, then I know there's other people in the world probably wondering where we at."

Black Lesbian Archives has since expanded into an exhibit at Affinity Community Services in Chicago.

@lesbianrepresentation Black (Lesbian) History Month: Jewelle Gomez - Author, Activist . her work often intersects and addresses multiple ethnicities as well as the ideals of lesbian/feminism and issues . published seven books, most known for “The Gilda Stories” . was on the founding board of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) in 1984 . she is currently employed as Director of Grants and Community Initiatives for Horizons Foundation, the oldest lgbt foundation in the US . married to activist Diane Sabin . #lesbians #blackhistorymonth #representationmatters #jewellegomez #gaywomen #thegildastories #lgbt #lesbianhistory #lesbian #herstory #lgbthistory #blackexcellence @lgbt_history @h_e_r_s_t_o_r_y @blackhistory

A post shared by BLA (@blacklesbianarchives) on Mar 7, 2018 at 9:30am PST

@xigammas Pat Parker’s activism included involvement with the Black Panther Movement, contributing to the Women’s Press Collective and serving as medical coordinator for the Oakland Feminist Women’s Health Center. Cheryl Clarke has said of Pat that she articulates “a black lesbian-feminist perspective of love between women and the circumstances that prevent our intimacy and liberation.” She toured with Varied Voices of Black Women, published multiple volumes of poetry, and, in 1980, founded the Black Woman’s Revolutionary Council. #WeAreBlackHistory #BlackHistory #BlackLGBTHistory #LGBTHistory #PatParker #BlackPantherParty

A post shared by BLA (@blacklesbianarchives) on Feb 26, 2018 at 4:57pm PST

@femmagradio THIS photo! This moment in herstory ... #Repost @h_e_r_s_t_o_r_y: ""This Bridge Called My Back: Writings by Radical Women of Color", published in 1981, garnered attention for women of color within the feminist movement. Hailed as a landmark book offering a collective, serious challenge to white feminists by women of color, "This Bridge" reshaped how feminism was revised, reconceptualized, expanded, and laid the groundwork for the centrality of intersectionality today. "This Bridge" is an anthology edited by Cherríe Moraga and Gloria E. Anzaldúa that was first published in 1981 by Persephone Press and then published again in 1983 by Kitchen Table (Women of Color Press). The third edition, published by Third Woman Press, was in print until 2008. For seven years, the book was virtually gone. Some of the original contributors to This Bridge Called My Back at the Arlington Street Church, June 5, 1981. Top row, left to right: Cherrie Moraga, Gloria Anzaldua, Barbara Cameron, Rosario Morales. Bottom row, left to right: Aurora Levins Morales, Barbara Smith, Kate Rushin, Beverly Smith, Nellie Wong, Hattie Gossett. Photo by Susan Fleischmann. #lesbianculture #cherriemoraga #gloriaeanzaldúa #qpoc #feminism" #thisbridgecalledmyback #feminist #feminista

A post shared by BLA (@blacklesbianarchives) on May 9, 2018 at 8:44am PDT

8. For overall excellence in funny memes: Xenaworrierprincess

Let's not lie, 2018 is a low point for planet Earth. But Xenaworrierprincess offers some of the funniest damn queer memes on the internet, and for that, we should be grateful.

"@xenaworrierprincess is a niche lesbian meme page and queer advice zine. I started making memes after moving to a winter-y, strip mall city in the midwest for a Women's Studies grad school program," Madeline Court, the account's founder, told Mashable. "I was researching and writing about lesbian culture all day, but I didn't know any lesbians. It was a really surreal, lonely relationship to my sexuality," she says. "I started making memes and sharing them on my personal Insta because I wanted to feel some kind of connection."

XenaWorrierPrincess doesn't think that Instagram always supports their queer artists — it's not uncommon for the platform to take down posts that include the word "dyke" — but Court is glad the platform doesn't seem to have the same negative energy Tumblr once did: "Instagram prizes curation and deliberateness, I think. It's also a photo app; captions and comments are secondary. Tumblr was really, really text-heavy. A lot of the queer discourse was bad. We were all babies, trying to make sense of the world without any lived experience."

hey! if you are questioning your gender or sexuality or both your gender AND sexuality, here are some amazing resources (a lot of these are aimed at teenagers, but are really thoughtful and applicable to all ages): Autostraddle.com, scarleteen.com, and the Trevor Support Center. If you have access to a city or a university, chances are there is a LBGT community center or space that provides counseling/support. I am a dog with a blog and a creative writing MFA, but I’m sending you so much love 💕💕💕

A post shared by 🔥 FiRE SiGN OPENSWIM🔥 (@xenaworrierprincess) on Apr 5, 2018 at 12:15pm PDT

some hot tips from me to you

A post shared by 🔥 FiRE SiGN OPENSWIM🔥 (@xenaworrierprincess) on May 5, 2018 at 12:00pm PDT

I found out about butches when my English teacher gave me a Smith College prospectus in 2003 & afterwards I couldn’t eat for like 3 days, just sat in my room listening to Green Day and burning incense so YES this is an appreciation meme

A post shared by 🔥 FiRE SiGN OPENSWIM🔥 (@xenaworrierprincess) on May 29, 2018 at 8:42pm PDT

9. For representation that matters: BlairImani

Blair Imani is a black queer Muslim activist and, with more than 28,000 followers, an Instagram star. Imani's account defies constricting stereotypes that people can't be queer and Muslim or a person of color.

"A lot of people assume that I'm homophobic, or that queer Muslims could not and did not exist. I do exist," Imani told Teen Vogue recently.

Her Instagram is testament.

PRIDE. STARTS. TOMORROW. 🏳️‍🌈❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🏳️‍🌈 📸: @liaclay

A post shared by Blair Imani (@blairimani) on May 31, 2018 at 11:43am PDT

#BlackLivesMatter 📸: @heatherhazzan

A post shared by Blair Imani (@blairimani) on Jun 2, 2018 at 7:43pm PDT

10. For all the best queer women's history, high and low: Herstory

With more than 133,000 followers, Herstory is the leading queer women-specific history account on Instagram.

"I started the lesbian culture Instagram h_e_r_s_t_o_r_y, which I have been running for about three and a half years now. I post mostly herstoric photos and images from the 1800s to the late 1990s," founder Kelly Rakowski told Mashable. "It all happened organically. I didn’t plan for it to have been so popular. People seem to really respond the images and stories I post. About one and a half years ago I started @herstorypersonals, now renamed @_Personals_, on Instagram. It’s a dating and community account where followers write personals based on old-school newspaper personals ads. I’m currently fundraising on Kickstarter to turn this account into a text-based dating and community app for queers."

TRACY CHAPMAN. 1997. Photo Ernie Panniccoli (rg @cornellhiphopcollection) #lesbianculture #tracychapman #1997

A post shared by ⚢ LESBIAN CULTURE ⚢ (@h_e_r_s_t_o_r_y) on May 29, 2018 at 6:57pm PDT

Do you?🥖Found in the butch/femme folder @lesbianherstoryarchives #lesbianculture #butchfemme

A post shared by ⚢ LESBIAN CULTURE ⚢ (@h_e_r_s_t_o_r_y) on Jun 8, 2018 at 6:08am PDT

11. For queer astrology that'll make you feel all the feelings: Chani Nicholas

Astrology is having a moment, and queer astrologers like Chani Nicholas are leading the way. 

You can head to her Instagram for the best queer-friendly, loving, affirming horoscopes on the internet. 

"Queer, trans, and gender nonconforming folx, and many marginalized communities, in my experience, have always been attuned to wisdom traditions, art practices, mythologies, and story-telling that explore the value of life beyond the normative conditions we've been given, but cannot exist within joyfully," Nicholas told Mashable earlier this year.

We need more public spaces that welcome and help us hold our grief. So much of this world is constructed to make us suffer. So that we feel less than. So that we will buy more of. Forgetting who we are. Forsaking so much of what we have to give. Depression is a natural side effect of the violent systems we live within. May we all do what we can to recreate the world today as we need it to be. With room to grieve. Give. Love. And receive. Sending much love, protection, and sweetness to you and yours ❤️

A post shared by Chani Nicholas (@chaninicholas) on Jun 8, 2018 at 10:11am PDT

Mercury enters Cancer today, reminding us that when we don’t have people and places where we can articulate our feelings, they are so much more of a burden to work through. Emotions need to be expressed. Unpacked. Investigated. Left alone they fester. Twist themselves into strange monsters that lurk in the shadows of our lives. Threaten to wreck what is working. . The world is a dumpster fire of injustice. It is constructed to keep us separate from our power. From our wisdom. From our wildness. We need to both construct, and get ourselves to, the spaces that reflect our beauty and our becoming. The spaces that help us sort through the situations that bewilder, betray, and become too difficult to carry alone. . Each interaction that is done in kindness can become one of those spaces. . This month’s new moon workshop goes into great detail in regards to Mercury’s journey as it will trigger the July 12th eclipse point as it opposes Pluto. If you want to know more, please join me for A Workshop for The New Moon in Gemini and The Full Moon in Capricorn, which is now available for immediate download. . In it you’ll receive meditations, altar suggestions, and rituals specific to your sign for both the new and full moon. I’ve geared the whole course to help cleanse and clear in preparation for this summer’s eclipses as well. Hope you enjoy! #Tuesday #Mercury #NewMoon #Gemini #Astrology #ResetYourSystems

A post shared by Chani Nicholas (@chaninicholas) on Jun 12, 2018 at 7:25am PDT

12. For excellence in Samira Wiley: Whodatlikedat

Samira Wiley doesn't provide queer history or astrological wisdom on her account, and that's okay. Sometimes all you need is a simple, relentlessly positive, thirsty queer account in your feed. Bonus: she's apparently in a healthy, happy marriage that should make all of us who've experienced queer drama feel really good.

A post shared by Samira Wiley (@whododatlikedat) on Jan 6, 2018 at 8:23pm PST

Thank you, again, @disneyland for these dope #rosegoldchurros!!!!! (Yes, that is a thing). And for making our 1st anniversary so magical. :) #disneyland #getmorehappy

A post shared by Samira Wiley (@whododatlikedat) on Mar 27, 2018 at 12:18pm PDT

13. Because we all need our Queer Eye fix: Jonathan Van Ness

Jonathan Van Ness is a ray of queer sunshine, and we're all desperate for a little light in these sad times. His account features some of the best selfies on the whole damn site. Bless him.

🎆New Getting Curious 🎆Yesterday I went to see @trevorproject & interview @amitpaley the CEO of the Trevor Project who runs an incredibly important crisis & suicide hotline for LGBTQ+ youth. The challenges that our community faces are vast and can be so lonely to navigate on your own, I wanted to find out more about their orginazation and how we can help in this episode of #gettingcurious link in bio now #thetrevorproject #suicideprevention Need someone to talk to? 1-866-488-7386

A post shared by Jonathan Van Ness (@jvn) on Jun 27, 2018 at 8:57am PDT

This Pride was a dream, I had friends & @florence & I got to help raise money for @humanrightscampaign , here’s to a gorge safe & not regretting it tomorrow Pride to all💙❤️💛💚💜💗

A post shared by Jonathan Van Ness (@jvn) on Jun 24, 2018 at 6:47pm PDT

14. If you feel like you want to understand queer culture but don't get half the terms: gayglossary

Listen. I'm queer and 34 years old, and I still feel like my queer vocabulary is out of date. Gayglossary provides helpful explainers and super-pretty illustrations to make learning all the less irritating. At fewer than 1,000 followers, gayglossary is still a young account, but it's growing, as well it should.

"I wanted to create a really visual glossary that helps to make sense of all LGBTQIAA+ identifying language. Honestly, even a lot of the people I started talking to about the idea didn't even know what LGBTQIAA+ stood for," Kate Carter, the account's founder, told Mashable. "Which made it even more obvious there was a need for a modern resource."

LGBTQQIAA / Acronym Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Questioning, Intersex, Asexual, Ally. #wordofthegay by @iamrodrigobistene #gayglossary

A post shared by Gay Glossary (@gayglossary) on Jun 5, 2018 at 12:00pm PDT

gayby / noun a baby whose parents are gay. Anecdotally, you hear a lot of stories about what is being called the 'gayby boom,' which was a boom in same-sex couples having children in 2009. Yay for gaybies! 😇🙌🏻 #wordofthegay by @shanmadeit #gayglossary

A post shared by Gay Glossary (@gayglossary) on Jun 29, 2018 at 11:24am PDT

androgyny / adjective androgyny is the combination of masculine and feminine characteristics. Usually used to describe characters or persons who have no specific gender, gender ambiguity may also be found in fashion, gender identity, sexual identity, or sexual lifestyle. This is a fun one. #wordofthegay by @therevdoctor #gayglossary

A post shared by Gay Glossary (@gayglossary) on Jun 21, 2018 at 4:39pm PDT

If you've retired from Tumblr or can't find queer community in your hometown or even your big city, you're not alone. The platforms, not the verticals, are where you'll find the best in queer culture.

There's so much queer excellence out there. You just need to know who to follow. 

WATCH: Meet the 10-year-old drag kid shaping the future of drag youth