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sissytobitch10seconds · 6 months ago

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Two Birds on a Wire

Fandom: Helluva Boss Summary: After getting trapped with his ex-boyfriend in Greed, Blitz ends up saying a lot of stupid stuff that makes his life better in the long run. Warnings: Past underage sex, pregnancy, trans male pregnancy, mpreg, and kidnapping Word Count: 4,883 Ship(s): Asmodeus/Fizzarolli and Stolas Ars Goetia/Blitzo Buckzo

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A/N: Another fic for my wonderful mutual(@lovely-number-7)! They give me so much inspiration for this and encouragement to keep going. I added some surprises for them so everyone is going into this fic on an even playing field, haha. I hope that you all enjoy it! Stay sissy and bitchy everyone <3

Blitz’s day had already been going pretty terrible when he ended up getting into a fight with someone that had been very important to him over a decade ago.

Not only did seeing Fizz bring back memories of when they were in the circus together and everything that they had shared before the fire, but it now also reminded him of how awful the Loo Loo Land Fizzbot had been to him. The taunts and jeers from the back of the already sparse crowd still haunted his dreams and shot down his confidence when he was trying to cheer up his office or kids. Of course that was when the jester thought that it would be a great idea to pick on him and reference the stalkers that he had, which Blitz would never associate himself with.

After the fight, Striker had captured them to prove to Crimson that he was a worthy investment. Blitz had always known that being in his line of work would result in something like that happening to him, he just hadn’t accounted for Fizz being thrown into the same cage as him. At least Striker had finally gotten the sense to cater to who he was capturing instead of assuming that Millie wouldn’t chew her own leg off, beartrap or not, to save her husband.

He had been bound in normal rope, something that he couldn’t hope to wiggle out of because of the friction that it was causing on his skin and suit. Fizz, on the other hand, was bound in what looked to be duct tape so that he couldn’t do anything with his robotic arms and legs.

Even the memory of the fact that Fizz had prosthetics instead of his natural limbs made years and years of guilt come swimming back at him. He wanted to snap and fight back to get the feeling to go away, but he also knew that it would lead to nothing good for either of them. He had been trying so hard and for so long to better himself so that he could be a good example to his girls, but it was a slow going process. Being around the man that had started and ended everything in his life had regressed him back to where he had been fifteen years before.

Fizz started to whine and look around the cage for a way out. “Oh, chill out Jester,” Blitz spoke without meaning to. The words all just tumbled from him and into the open air without his mind even taking a second to process them. It was what had gotten him into the mess that was his life and would likely be what took him out of it as well. “It’s like you’ve never been tied up before.”

“Ugh,” Fizz grunted as he continued to try and pull at his bindings. “Sure, but not by a bunch of psychos.” He fell forward so that he smacked into the hard metal floor of the ground, “Arg! And a piece of shit.”

Blitz narrowed his eyes at the man that was once his best friend as he tried to figure out what he was talking about. “Fi- Okay… okay, am I the psycho or the piece of shit?”

“Both,” Fizz snapped.

“Ah, that checks,” he sighed. He should have known that even when they were in a dangerous situation Fizz wouldn’t be open to listening to him, just as he hadn’t been for years. He had tried so hard after the fire, when they were both trapped in that satanforsaken hospital, and then again through letters for nearly a decade and a half afterwards.

“How is this happening?” Fizz whined as he straightened up again. “I was just supposed to grab some gas station milk and rehearse some juggling!

Anger boiled inside of him. Blitz had been in situations like that more times than he could count and he had never spent as much time whining as Fizz had. They hadn’t even been drugged or interrogated yet, they were just waiting for money to exchange hands. “Oh relax. I’m sure your big royal chicken isn’t going to let anything happen to his peppy little fuck doll.”

“Oh, playing that card, huh?” Fizz snarled. He had just as much anger and vitriol as he had back when they were snarling at each other in Ozzie’s. “Okay, well what about you? Seems your taste has gotten more… regal, lately?”

Again, his brain spoke before his mouth could. “Stolas and I aren’t like that, alright? We might have been able to try out dating if you hadn’t fucking shamed him in front of countless people at what was supposed to be our first date.”

“First date? I knew that you were bad with that whole romance thing but I didn’t consider the fact that you only take a guy out when he’s been railing you into the mattress for months first,” Fizz snarked back. Gone was the boy that looked up to Blitz with all the earnestly of someone that was the golden child of the circus. He no longer had that compassion and tenderness that Blitz had fallen for all those years ago, at least not for the very imp that had protected that in him.

“I don’t think you know what you’re talking about,” Blitz seethed. He had worked so long and so hard to try and make his relationship with Stolas healthier for the sake of their children. He knew that he was bad at picking partners and starting things off, the fact that Verosika still hated him for using her credit card to pay for the twins medical bills when they got the hellflu. Fizz didn’t have the right to mock him for his romantic relationships when he was the one that had damaged Blitz into making bad decisions in the first place, though.

“I think that I do!” responded Fizz. “I was the first guy to earn a date by pounding you into the mattress for months, remember?”

“You know, that’s not really a claim to fame,” Blitz snarled. “Not that you really need anything else to boost your notoriety, right?”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

His cheat was heaving with the emotion that was spinning through him like a bullet. He knew that feeling very well, he had gotten shot more times than he cared to admit in his line of work. When it was an emotional bullet instead of a literal one, the pain was so much more intense. A literal bullet would pierce the skin where it had been shot and then destroy the nerve endings in that specific spot, echoing the pain from that location. A metaphorical bullet, on the other hand, tore through the entire body all at once and lit every single nerve on fire. He could feel it twisting and ripping at his heart, making memories from a long time ago arise in his mind the way that an exorcist blade might on a sinner.

Blitz focused on what he was doing instead of saying something. If he kept talking then he was going to say something incredibly stupid. He couldn’t afford to do that when he was surrounded by people that very obviously wanted to use him for their own gain. He wouldn’t be surprised if they had already sent a message back to Stolas letting him know that Blitz had been captured, or if Stolas had been able to feel it the same way that he had with the demon hunters.

With thoughts of his Goetia lover rattling around his mind instead of the memories of what had happened that fateful night of the fire, he was able to focus. He jerked his foot backwards on the rough metal floor of the cage that they were in and removed the knife that he stashed there for moments such as this. He picked the blade up with the edge of his fingers and then turned it around with amazing dexterity, something that he had picked up when he was in the circus, not that it had done him any good. Maybe he could have gotten a job at that cat-themed gambling place if he had just been a bit older when he applied.

He deftly cut through the ropes that were binding his hands and then did the same to the ones on his arms and legs. “What was that supposed to mean, Blitzo?” Fizz demanded again, as if he couldn’t see that Blitz was trying to get them out of that cage so that they never had to face each other again.

He knew that he shouldn’t have said anything, he knew he should have kept his mouth shut and protected the little pocket of joy he had carved for himself with his own claws and teeth, but he couldn’t. “Oh, nothing. I’m just glad that you managed to find someone that you could knock up and not want to abandon this time around,” he replied.

“What in the ever loving fuck is that supposed to mean?” Fizz demanded as he turned around towards Blitz.

They didn’t get the chance to keep fighting about what he had said because Striker was there at the cage, grasping at Fizz and threatening him. Blitz had seen how ruthless he was when he had been preparing to take down Stolas, so it was a surprise to everyone there that he didn’t just perform the kill immediately. Part of him wanted to be grateful to Crimson for reminding the bigot that they were a valuable asset that had to be returned in one piece, and the other half of him was so angry that he could barely see straight.

Blitz felt like an idiot, talking about the pregnancy that he had detected from Fizz’s goading earlier and putting his ex-boyfriend in trouble because of it. He knew what it was to be a child that grew up without a parent and to raise a child without the other half of one’s heart, he would never do that to someone else. He hated Fizz with every fiber of his being for what had happened during the fire and afterwards, but most of his heart was just clinging to that anger so that he didn’t have to feel the alternative. Somewhere deep inside of him, in a place that he had buried and decided to never return to, was the sorrow that tried to choke him out every second that it got.

He could barely think about the guilt that he was feeling over that. If he had any luck left in him then they wouldn’t have to worry about Striker or Crimson in a little while. He supposed that being a Prince of Hell and a Sin meant that Ozzie would be able to hire good security for his lover when he found out what had happened. Stolas didn’t have that luxury since he was one of seventy-two Ars Goetia and often ignored by his family, which was why he had resorted to using Blitz as a bodyguard even though the imp wasn’t very good at that.

He had to get them both out of the warehouse or he would never forgive himself. He knew that he still held resentment for Fizz, but that was only there because of the massive swell of love that existed for his childhood best friend. So he flipped the knife around his front when he had finished cutting the ropes around his arms and sliced it off his legs as well. He worked silently as he got the sharp blade through the duct tape and let Fizz be free as well. He did something convoluted and stupid to get them down from the cage, but it also managed to distract all of the goons around them so that several of them were fighting each other.

While they were working together, Blitz learned several things about his ex-best friend that he never thought he would have been given the chance to. Fizz was incredibly flexible, likely because of the prosthetic arms that he had gotten after the fire at the circus. He was still able to do everything that he had when they were kids despite the fact that they were nearly thirty, which shouldn’t have really been a surprise. Despite the fact that he had bionic limbs and had been famous for over a decade, the bastard knew nothing about fighting.

Blitz had to pull the slack for both of them because while Fizz was able to avoid getting shot pretty well, he couldn’t shoot anyone else to literally save his life. It ended up working out well when Fizz picked Blitz up and used his stretchy arms and flexibility to help the other imp get some of the harder shots, which resulted in them finding the window that eventually got them out.

After another explosion and some acrobatics that he hadn’t done for years, he managed to get them to a point where they were both safe for the time being. He let out a low breath and nearly collapsed as the adrenaline began to melt from his body. “I know that you hate me, but can I borrow a phone from you so that I can call my girls?”

“I want to talk to you about that before I let you go,” Fizz shook his head. The world around them stank like burning rubber and melting metal from the fire that they had started on the junkyard, but it felt oddly poetic in some way. Their entire relationship had gone up like a trash fire so they might as well talk about it while surrounded by one.

He had always known that it was a possibility that he and Fizz would have this conversation one day. He had known the second that the doctor came in with the confirmation that the pregnancy had lasted through the fire, he had known the second that the test had come back positive, he had known the second that they had decided one time without a condom would probably be fine. “What did you want to talk to me about?” he finally managed to make his voice say.

“What did you mean when you said that I got someone pregnant and then abandoned them? This is my first time having a kid, Oz and I were really excited when we found out,” Fizz said quietly. He looked so forlorn and scared when he did it, that it actually made Blitz’s heart ache in his chest.

He turned his head to the side and tried to blink away the tears that had gathered there as he explained. “You know how we were dating back when we were sixteen and we thought that one or two times without a condom would be okay? Well, I got knocked up. When I tried to tell you I got sidelined or told to fuck off every time. I thought for sure you knew.”

“Why would you think that?” Fizz asked, holding his hands out to the side of him like Blitz had told him that he thought the living world’s moon was made out of cheese. He knew that his ex-best friend would react to that situation in that specific way because it had happened when they were thirteen, the first time that they had gotten drunk together.

“Because I tried to tell you a dozen times! I mean, the first time really didn’t work because I passed out at your party and then when I woke up everything was on fire,” he sighed.

Fizz tightened up when he heard that. “You passed out? While pregnant? Were you okay?” he asked.

“I mean, I’m okay now. At the time I was actually really anemic, having them almost killed me,” he shrugged. “But I did try to tell you about the twins, Fizz. I wrote you letters after the security gave me a bruise on my ass because of how hard they tossed me out of the hospital.”

“No one ever told me that you came to visit while I was in the hospital,” the other imp whispered. He had tilted his head down for the first time since the explosion, staring at the green flames still licking at the trash below them. It was beginning to peter out already as it had consumed everything that wasn’t just melting. He pulled his legs up to his chest and wrapped his one usable arm around them, his tail completing the circle. “I wanted you to visit me so badly. I was so scared and I didn’t understand why you ran away from me after you had seen me.”

“I didn’t really see you,” Blitz shrugged. He tilted his head forward and dug his fingers into his eye socket. He was able to see the absolutely disgusted face that Fizz gave him before he marveled at the glass eye. It had enough tech in it that it could help widen Blitz’s peripheral vision and give him his depth perception back, but it didn’t have anything high-tech. If he had wanted that then he would have had to go with VoxTech because Asmodean prosthetics tried to focus on actually being usable. “See? My eyes were totally fucked for like a week after the fire, I had to make the nurses give me an extra ultrasound so I had a chance to see my own babies since I couldn’t when they checked the first time.”

The other imp was quiet for a while longer, Blitz knew why. He had put together towards the beginning of their conversation that Cash and Mammon had worked to keep the two of them apart, especially since Cash was the one that had originally told Blitz that the fire was his fault and that Fizz didn’t want to see him. Both the older imp and the sin had to know about the twins and had kept Fizz from that knowledge on purpose.

“So you were pregnant and tried to tell me, but they didn’t let you because they wanted to keep exploiting me,” Fizz finally said the silent part out loud. Blitz had known that Mammon was abusing his best friend since he had attending the first show he had to work in Loo Loo Land. The robots were made poorly because of the demand for them, which meant that they only resembled his friend to some extent. He knew that none of that money was making it back to Fizz, at least to some extent, because otherwise he wouldn’t have kept working for the bastard as long as he had.

“Yeah, pretty much. I’ve been raising both girls on my own for a long time, there’s a lot of shit I wished you had seen and even more that I’m so glad you didn’t,” Blitz said. His pregnancy had been a fucking disaster, what with him being out on his own and absolutely covered in slowly healing burns for the entirety of it.

“What do you mean by that?” Fizz asked. It seemed like that was what he was asking most often, likely because Blitz was telling him something convoluted and overwhelming. He only had to ask for clarification when Blitz could actually get the words he needed to say forced out of his mouth.

“Well, it wasn’t pretty after I had the girls. I was mostly working odd jobs that were part time so that I could be home with them for the majority of the day. I even had to take up doing maintenance of my building so that my landlord would drop the rent to something that I could actually afford. Stole a lot too, usually baby clothes and formula because your kids sure know how to eat, Fizz. I guess that’s the one thing that I’m actually grateful that Cash taught me how to do,” Blitz rambled on.

While they talked, he shimmied towards the main part of the crane that would let them travel downwards. Fizz followed after him, coming down to the ashy ground as well despite the injury that he had on his arm. It felt almost like the fire had never happened and they had never been separated for those long fifteen years. He wondered what they would have been if they had that time instead of what they had received instead. They might have turned into what Blitz’s parents had been like, in love once upon a time but miserable and together only for their children. Perhaps it was for the best that they had been separated, so they could both grow as people and become better for their children.

They reached the bottom of the crane without either of them falling and then embarked further on their journey as they tried to get out of the junkyard. The fire had thankfully turned into nothing but warmth and foul smoke by the time that they actually descended and hadn’t caught the entire place on fire.

Thankfully, Blitz was used to his van giving out and stranding him wherever the most recent part had chosen to break. He was used to having to walk through cramped, foreign city streets until a payphone was found. He slipped into it and rigged the machine by hitting it in just the right places so that the coins inside jingled but didn’t fall, which was something that could only be done in greed. He rested his head against the grimy box as he listened to it ring a couple times before someone finally picked up.

“Blitz? Are you alright? Oh please tell me that this is actually you and not another one of those kidnappers trying to taunt me,” Stolas rambled. Blitz should have known that he was going to be an absolute mess when they were able to talk to each other again, but it still warmed his heart and the lower half of his belly to know that he had someone who cared that much about him. The part of his brain that carried Stolas’ voice with him like a protection ward told him that the only reason his lover hadn’t come to break him out the same way that he had when Blitz had gotten caught in the living world was because the politics in Hell were more complicated.

“I’m alright, Stolas. Did you really think I wouldn’t be able to get us out of there? I hope that you didn’t pay those fuckers any of your money,” Blitz said.

“I was preparing to, darling, if I’m being totally honest,” Stolas replied. He sounded a little sheepish when he spoke and Blitz could almost see the blush covering the lower half of his face. In the background, the imp could make out someone else talking but couldn’t quite discern what the words were. He just knew that the tone was familiar.

“Stolas! What they were asking for was totally fucking ridiculous and you know that Striker still has a shit ton of money from when Stella tried to have you killed,” Blitz scoffed. The memory of how injured his boyfriend had been after that incident still made his entire body feel as though he had been doused in ice water. He hadn’t been able to go to the hospital because of the trauma that he had from his first pregnancy and post-fire, which meant that he had to deal with a lot of things completely on his own on top of battling the guilt at not being there to defend his partner. He couldn't wait until their case got through the courts of Hell and they were able to put the bitch in her place by taking Via from her and giving her nothing in return during the divorce.

Stolas chittered in that way that he did when he was blushing and preparing to say something mushy, “There’s no price in the Nine Rings that’s too high when it comes to making sure that you’re safe, my dear. Both of you.”

Blitz’s hand moved down to the bottom part of his stomach, which was already beginning to swell with whatever baby had been implanted in him some months ago. He and Stolas hadn’t even been aware that it was possible for a member of the Ars Goetia and an imp to reproduce, so they hadn’t been as careful as they could have been. That was, of course, what had gotten him into trouble with his twins back when he was nineteen with the very imp that was standing outside the phonebooth. He couldn’t bring himself to regret it either time, though. The only thing that he did regret was being the first to do it because the absence of knowledge about how that worked made them both worried. They had no idea if Blitz could handle delivering an egg, like what Octavia was born in, or if he would go into labor and deliver live babies the same way that he had with his twins. There were a lot of questions and very few answers to be found, which had to be half of the reason that Stolas was so worried about the kidnapping.

He couldn’t help the smile that crossed over his face as he said, “I’m okay, Stolas. You know that I can handle this kind of thing.”

“But we don’t, Blitzy,” Stolas replied. “You could have been very hurt if your balance was off when you were trying to do one of your action hero moves. Let me know where you are and I can portal you right home.”

“Are you with Ozzie right now?” Blitz asked. It was awkward to have to refer to the man that his ex-partner was now embroiled with, but it was important. Stolas had said that he was going to request an Asmodean crystal for Blitz so that they could make their relationship official. If it was known that a Goetia was allowing his lover to use such a powerful magical artifact without permission from Paimon, the leader of the Ars Goetia, then they could both get in serious trouble. Blitz refused to give up his work even if he was just manning the office with his eldest daughter until the baby came, in whatever form that was.

“I am, in fact,” the other replied. “Why?”

Blitz went quiet for a while. He let out a low breath to try and settle the nausea in the back of his throat. He was glad for the pregnancy, for once, because it allowed him to blame that feeling on the fact that he was growing another being instead of it being about the idea of telling Fizz. That was stupid anyway, since he had already told the other imp and the reaction that he had feared didn’t come to pass in the way that he had feared it.

He straightened up in the phone booth and then waved at Fizz to make sure that the other was okay. “I want you to bring me and someone else to their palace. I, um, I finally told the twins father that they existed and I think that we should discuss when they’re going to meet for the first time.”

“Do you think that he’s going to try and fight for custody?” Stolas immediately asked.

“I don’t think so. And you know my feelings about how custody should work,” Blitz replied. Via had been very worried about what would happen to her when her parents finally settled in the courts. She didn’t want to have to go stay with her mother every other week, not when the woman had soured so completely since Stolas had cheated on her. Apparently her bad attitude had now transferred to being directed at her daughter instead of being reserved only for her ex-husband. They had managed to work in a clause that Via would get to choose where she wanted to go and who she wanted to be with. She wouldn’t get carted around based on the whims of her parents or a court system, she would have autonomy for who she got to be with.

Stolas agreed after a bit more poking and prodding, then got the coordinates that he needed from Blitz. The portal opened and they were permitted to step through onto the plush carpets of Ozzie’s mansion. It was decorated the same way that everything else in Lust was, with massive windows that let in the hazy pink light and blues thrown just about everywhere.

As soon as they were safely through the swirling bit of magic, Fizz launched himself off the ground and into his boyfriend’s arms. Blitz could barely even think about being jealous or envious of what they had because his own boyfriend was smothering him with affection. He knew that things were going to be okay, even if they would be weird and out of the ordinary. He hadn’t been loved the way he wanted during his first pregnancy, but he was getting it now. And Fizz would get to know what it was like to watch his children grown in the belly of the man he loved, even if that had to be with his third child and Ozzie instead of his eldest girls and Blitz.

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