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savebatsfromscratch · 8 months ago

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Windmills and Seabreezes - Palletshipping Week 4 (Coming Home)

Summary:

Ash returns from his final Journey. He can't seem to feel at home.

Notes:

Prompt: Coming Home Note: Btw I have NOT watched any of Journeys. This was just so clear in my head I had to spit it out. Apologies if it’s kinda wacky. This is intended to be a Palletshipping end game, but it’s rather convoluted and extremely open-ended. I still think it counts though, and it is my opinion that matters so… Cws: Post breakup whump. (Satogou for reference.) Mental turmoil. It’s NOT happy. Words: 1,518

Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/54897274

Ash dropped his bag onto his bed and sighed.

So that was really the end huh?

The sudden rush of tiredness wasn’t a surprise. It wasn’t at all unusual to feel a little sore after coming home from a journey, just like it wasn’t at all unusual to feel aches creeping into focus after actually getting a room in a hotel for once. It wasn’t even surprising to feel the ever present question of, “what am I even doing here?” spin inside his head.

No.

None of that was the problem.

He sat on the edge of his bed and tried to talk himself into feeling better. He had done it! He didn’t have to fight anymore, he had won. No matter how unlikely it had seemed, especially with his soul crushing defeat in the Kalos league, he had done it. For whatever reason, trainer critics never seemed to take his Alola win seriously, only reflecting on his loss in the Kalos semifinals, and he had to admit that it had got to him a little bit!

But this was not that!

This was something undeniable.

The masters tournament, something that was meant to be the best of the best, and he had won!

So… Why did he still feel so down?

Was there really nothing beyond this? Of course not! He still hadn’t won in most of the leagues he had been a part of, and there were missions upon missions to take on in any project he desired, if he chose to go down a different path. Heck, he hadn’t even given contests or performances a real shot, those looked fun, he knew for a fact that you had to be made of something special to do well there. Beyond that, he hadn’t even been to many regions, completely losing out on their styles of being a trainer.

He’d never tried wild pokemon photography, or card games, or research puzzles, or ranger life, or battle simulators, or capture contests, or any of the other things that he’d heard fellow trainers raving about on the roads. Sure, not all of those options really sounded like his style, but just the fact that there were so many of them clearly meant that there was more out there to do! There was more to learn, more to experience, more to grow in and with, why wasn’t he excited about it?

Of course, he knew the answer.

Duh.

Losing traveling partners always hurt him, but this most recent loss was on a level that Ash found almost completely unprecedented. …almost. There had only been one other abandonment that hurt quite so bad, but it had been years and years since that loss, and now his wounds felt fresh and reopened.

If he couldn’t look at someone he loved, hold their hands, and tell him they’d always been together, what did it matter that he was the champion? What did it matter that there was more to do? What did it matter that he was not yet perfect? He certainly hadn’t been perfect when he’d been unable to see anything but him.

Why had he come back?

Until that point, Ash had felt comfortable, even happy with Goh at his side. Until that point, he had finally thought he had found someone to whom a promise of “forever” wouldn’t be a dirty lie. Finally someone who could, and would, save him, make him clean and whole once more.

Someone who, funnily enough, was exactly the type of person who could make Ash break his promise.

That was his problem, he guessed. He never seemed to be able to pick one. Did he want to be a champion or a friend of Pokemon? Did he want to keep in one region, or did he want to head onto the next? What even was the next? Should he go left, or should he make the right decision? Should he try something new, now that it was over, that which he had spent, and on occasion, even lost, his life in order to achieve?

What about him made it so impossible to make a decision like this?

He forced himself to lay down in his bed, forcing his mind to calm down. He couldn’t risk accidentally stomping his feet and alerting his mother to his distress. He had just gotten home, as far as she knew, he had never even been dating Gou, let alone broken up with him, and he wanted to keep her shielded from his tears for as long as possible.

Ash stared up at the ceiling, eyes burning.

Maybe the problem was not that it was over, but that he knew it was for the best.

He had loved Gou, yes.

But he had loved Gary longer, and seeing his former rival come back into his life had turned everything on its head. Despite everything, Ash still loved Gary, and, as it turned out, when choosing between the two of them, Ash would pick Gary.

From an outsider's perspective, Gou and Gary may have appeared to be a sort of uncertain friendship, but Ash knew better.

But apparently not enough to save his relationship.

Forgetting all about not alerting his mom to his distress, Ash clambered to his feet. He had to get out of the house. He had to go somewhere else. The air, so clearly different from the winds that had blown through the trees on his many adventures, felt stuffy and all too warm. Even with the window cracked open, it was hard to hear the sounds of Pokemon around him, and the unnatural shape of rectangular shadows coming through the thin opening glowed with a very false looking sunset.

Despite traveling for so long, it seemed he was not quite ready to go back to a “normal” life, not quite yet.

He hadn’t removed his coat when jumping into his bed, but his bag and Pokemon were left behind as he left his room, crept down the stairs (past where his mother was cooking in the kitchen), and slipped out of the house. Once outside, he took a deep breath of air, but it was not quite right either. It was clean and cool, and tasted of a coming night time, but it was not what he was looking for.

Almost aimlessly, Ash began to walk. He walked between trees, houses, and occasional agricultural fields. The land of Pallet was nearly pristine, almost lacking entirely in pollution, and yet the air was not yet perfect.

He followed a small stream of water, not even thinking about where he was going as it winded down a hill, past the research station, past an old patch of red flowers, now mostly withered, and flowed into the sea. Ash looked up, as if only then he was realizing where his walk had taken him. The place wasn't the same as where his heart had longed to be, but the feeling of the wind over the huge expanse of water brought the very same feeling to his lungs.

He breathed in deeply, and let his mind run through memories.

As the sun sank, he remembered everything he could manage.

He had loved Gou, and though he knew it was going to be a while before those wounds stopped aching, he suddenly realized that he was feeling better in the presence of the air of the waterside. It was just as Gou had said, they would both be happier this way.

He had said it with a sad expression, and he had said it with a nod, when his group of explorers had walked back into view.

All the way home, Ash had wondered what he had meant, but now he knew.

This was not an ending, as the setting sun told him, but a new beginning. This was a chance to make his life good again, even better than what he had felt before. It had practically been a command, and who was he to disobey a former love’s last wish?

Ash turned to look behind him, looking up at the slow turning of the windmill of the lab.

It spun calmly, unshaken by what he was feeling, a constant in his life of constant changing, it seemed to represent the endless cycles he so often found himself in. He felt a rush of wind come across the ocean, and he hugged his hands to his chest. No matter what his past threw at him, he was going to find a place in his future.

He continued to watch as the lights of the lab flickered on, inviting an occupant back home, back into the embrace of the clean walls and bookshelves. Ash stared into one of the windows, and suddenly he was half sure that he had seen a familiar explosion of brown hair look back at him.

As Gou had told him, it was time to live their lives the way they wanted to, a way that was safer. Maybe for Ash, who had been traveling for who knew how long, that safety was right there at home.

Notes:

???? Idk if this fits the prompt. Comments very appreciated!

#palletshipping #palletshipping week #palletshipping week 2024 #pokeani #trainer ash #angst #post breakup #trainer gary #trainer gou #satogou #my writing #actual post

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voids-colourful-creations · 2 years ago

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To the Ties Made of Crimson- A SatoGou Fanfic

[Read on Ao3!]

Rated G - No Warnings Pokemon Journeys Ash/Goh 7645 Words

Summary: There's a red string, tiny, nearly transparent, tied to Gou's finger that trails off into the night. He tells himself he's as ambivalent towards it as his family seems to be. A little string doesn't matter to him. At least, not in comparison to the other dreams he's racing towards. There's a red string, small, shining in the light, tied to Satoshi's finger that he winds around his wrist. He wonders about it, daydreams about it. And yet, with every other goal he's chasing, a little string falls by the wayside. Until it doesn't.

Notes: I've always loved to think of red string au's as the world telling you about the choices you're going to make. Not determining your future for you, but sharing the future you made with your past self. Love and time are both too free and fluid to be restrained in a linear way. Enjoy the gay pokeani boys.

Maybe it would’ve been a bigger thing if his parents had been around more. Somehow, through research and school and stargazing, Goh had neglected to give too much thought to his string, beyond the day to day of it. Quickly after he became conscious of it, it just as easily was slipped into the back of his mine. Or rather filed, categorized.

It was like another body part to him. Goh had dark hair that curled up on the ends, and weak legs that could run fast but not for very long, and a string tied to the end of his finger that looped and coiled about.

It was another part of growing up, wasn’t it?

Some families made a big deal of milestones like this, charting heights, filming first steps, celebrating seeing your string for the first time. But like all those other things, for Goh, that was simply a part of getting older.

In all honesty, Goh was almost shy about it. It wasn’t that he was purposefully trying to hide it, but having hardly ever talked about it with his family he tended to shy away from the subject.

He vaguely remembers his classmates teasing him about it once, a good few years ago. It was that little stretch of time between seeing Mew and quitting school. Where he went only because he felt he had to, not learning anything at all.

“The only thing waiting at the end of Goh’s string is Mew!”

“Mew’s the only soulmate he would accept anyway.”

“Don’t be silly, it’s not like someone like Goh has a string!”

It didn’t hurt like it was meant to, and Goh ignored their teasing until they grew tired of it.

Secretly, quietly, with only the stars as his judges, Goh wondered if they were right.

Maybe he truly wasn’t meant for another human to love, in any sense of the word. He was just fine on his own.

He was eight when he decided, on a winter’s night, on a rooftop, alone. Yes, he didn’t need a soulmate- platonic, romantic, it didn’t matter. Goh would be fine on his own, just him and his search for Mew. That would be enough.

He leaned against the railing of the building, resting his chin on the weathered stone. It’s cold, he shivered slightly.

Goh breathed out heavily just to watch the puff of breath flume out in front of him. It rose up before it dissipated, swirled about for a seconds blink and then it was gone. Goh stared up where his breath once was, but the stars were all that stared back at him, blinking, watching. Goh blinked back.

Slow, one, two, three, blinks in a row. He heard once that some pokemon like it when you blink real slow at them like that. That it told them without words, “I love you”.

Bliiiink. Bliiiiink. Bliiiiiiiiink. To the stars above.

He held his hand up above him. It was still hard to see, it didn’t come as naturally to him as it should’ve.

When he focused, breathed deep and really looked, he could see it. The thread that blew about gently, the tiny knot that kept it secured to his finger. It was a sparkling, shimmering red. Like the streaks in his hair, almost, but ever so slightly off.

Goh rubbed his thumb across his palm, curling all his fingers in. The string caught slightly with the motion. Goh wondered if all the way out there, past the horizon, under the starlight, if the person on the other end could feel the twinge.

‘I’m sorry,’ He wanted to say to the person waiting on the other end. ‘I will not wait for you.’

For a moment, he wondered.

‘What sort of person would be tied to someone like me?’

For another, he wondered.

‘That is, if there’s anyone at all.’

A chill winter's wind whipped around Goh, tossing his hair back and forth.

Concentrating on the string again, Goh pulled at it with his finger. Tugging ever so slightly more, it was gently giving until he’d got it wrapped around his wrist a few times, resting gently on his palm.

He gave the thread a soft pull, holding it taut for a few seconds before releasing it again. He pulled again. Released again. Pulled. Released.

‘I’m sorry,’ He thought, ‘ you were matched with someone like me.’

It became something of a habit, an idle repetition his fingers get up to on their own. A soft tug for a moment, then release. One. Two. Three. I love you. I’m sorry.

That’s what it meant to Goh at least, that’s what it was meant to mean.

What the person on the other end took it as, he wasn’t sure.

‘If anyone is there at all,’ his mind filled again, on its own.

He tended to keep his string wrapped up like that. Looped around his wrist, running against his palm. It was in his hand, in his grasp.

Every now and then he felt a jolt or two coming from the other end. Somewhat frequently to be honest, but there never seemed to be any pattern to it.

‘Is this your message?’ Goh asked himself, asked the string. ‘ Do you wonder about me the same way I wonder about you?’

The string didn’t answer. It never had before.

Yet Goh found himself curling around the thread as he slept, dreaming, waiting.

Ash probably should’ve paid a bit more attention in class, or to his neighbours, or even just to Gary’s bragging. It just seemed boring at the time, so the thought never really stuck. There were Pokemon to meet! New places to see.

So honestly, Ash didn’t really know what the strings were until he caught note of his one day. A sliver of a sparkle, red caught in the breeze with his hands out in front of him.

It was like it was there, then gone again when he blinked.

For a moment, Ash wondered if his eyes were malfunctioning. He stared long and hard at his hand, the left one. There, just there if he paid enough attention, was the thin red string adorning his little finger.

It curled around and overlapped itself, one two three ringlets between his knuckles. A tight, even knot held it in place.

Ash curled his finger in, watching intently. The string followed, tightening slightly.

And for some reason, a grin spread across Ash's face, and a laugh spilled out from his lips.

Regardless of the why and how, even if Ash didn’t understand it himself, there was something about watching the little string float out from his finger that sparked a bit of joy in him.

He didn’t manage to tell his mother before she figured it out on her own. In his defence he really had been meaning to tell her, he just wasn’t sure how to bring it up. In hers, she had known it was coming soon. She’d been watching.

They were on a walk together, night settling over Pallet Town once more. The streetlights stretched their shadows side by side. Ash, eight years old, was nearly the same height as his mother by the shadows illusion, providing he walked on tiptoe.

Step by step they made their way, and Ash raised his arms up up up to the sky, watching how his string caught the streetlight, its dazzling crimson hue against the rest of the inky black.

“It’s a very pretty string, isn’t it?” Delia remarked idly.

Ash’s attention snapped towards her.

“You can see it too?”

Delia looked straight ahead, at the road winding down in front of her.

“Mmhm.” She hummed in reply.

Ash stood stock still, frozen in place from the shock.

Delia turned slightly, still walking.

“Ash?”

“Mamaaaaa!” He whined, “Why didn’t you tell me?!”

Delia sighed, but she was smiling. It’s soft, a fragile expression she feared wouldn’t last.

“Why didn’t you tell me ?”

Ash grimaced as he realized he wouldn't be winning this argument.

“I’m your mother! I’d hope you’d tell me when important things happen, for your safety at the least.”

Ash jogged the few steps forward to catch up with his mother, slowing as he matched her stride. He watched his own feet kick up dust instead of meeting her eye.

“I’m sorry, Mama. I did mean to tell you…”

She couldn’t hold it against him, not really, and she knew it.

“But…” Ash continued, and Delia steeled herself. “What is this, even? You said it was important?”

Taking a deep breath, Delia reached out, placing a hand on her son's shoulder.

“In some ways it can be very, very important, and in others, it’s not. That depends on you.”

“But what is it?!” Ash pressed, impatient. His steps grew more forceful, his anticipation growing.

“It’s your string, Ash.”

“I know it’s a string, Mama.”

“Not just a string. Your string.”

Ash tilted his head to the side, looking over at his mother. He watches her expression, staying ever neutral as she explained.

“A string appears around your finger sometime before you turn ten, though the ages tend to vary between six and nine-ish, with outliers either direction. They wind around your littlest finger and are invisible most of the time. People can see their own strings however, as well as the strings of people they’re particularly close to, like family members or very close friends. The stronger the red colour, the stronger the connection.”

“Between who? Family members?”

Delia shook her head, and hoped her voice wouldn't do the same.

“Between string partners. Somewhere out there, the other end of the string on your finger has travelled all the way to wrap around someone else’s finger.”

Ash was quiet for a moment, contemplating. His eyes snapped open.

“Who?”

“That’s the thing. We don’t know who’s on the other end of your string. Not yet anyway.”

“Not yet?”

Delia pulled her son in just the slightest bit closer as they walked.

“The person on the other end… they’re what people call a soulmate. A stringmate, sometimes. It’s a way of telling you that there’s someone out there who you’re gonna love an awful lot, and they’re gonna do the same.”

Ash scrunched his face up.

“Like… a date? Aiko from school mentioned something ‘bout that once… I think…?”

Delia hummed lightly.

“Mm. It can be, if you want and your string mate wants. It’s up to you to decide what it means.”

“Sounds… complicated.”

Ash stuck out his tongue and scowled.

“Aw-ahaha… Ash, listen alright.”

Ash’s expression turned to confusion, but he looked his mother in the eye as she spoke.

“Having a string mate can be a wonderful thing. It’s a bit exciting to know that somewhere out there is another person who’s gonna care about you sooooo much, that you have a little string to remind you. Don’t let it be a sad thing, okay? Having more people to care about is always a good thing, and I know you care about people, pokemon, and things an awful lot.”

Ash nodded, listening as she talked.

“But who put the string there? Why do they wanna tell me?”

Delia shrugged her shoulders.

“We don’t know. Some people think it’s a pokemon we don’t know about yet. Other people think it’s our world itself! Some people say Arceus creates them. But it doesn’t matter so much as to why they’re there as much as knowing that they are there, and you get to figure out what you do with that.”

Ash groaned a bit.

“It’s so complicated!”

“It is, it is, but it’s exciting too, isn’t it?”

And Ash let a smile poke through, a small one.

“Yeah… it is. I hope my string mate is super super nice! Do you think they’re gonna like Pokemon like me? Do they live in Pallet? Or maybe super super far away?! How would I meet them then? When can I meet ‘em? I wanna see ‘em super super soon!”

Delia gave her son’s shoulder a slight squeeze.

“I’m sure your soulmate will be a wonderful person. As for where, that’s another mystery. Some people wind up their strings to try and pull their string mate closer, others try to find the person on the other end by following it, but I don’t think either of those work very well. Strings get caught sometimes.”

“Caught?”

“On places that’ll be important to you, on memories you haven’t had yet. Sometimes they even loop around other people if they’re important to you meeting, or other Pokemon!”

Ash lit up.

“It’s like a big red web!”

“Exactly.”

Ash picked up his steps again, walking forward with just a bit more excitement. The tiny porch light on their house, glowing warm and friendly, welcomed them home with its infrequent flickers.

“One last question…” Ash said, toying with his own string again.

“Shoot.”

“If p-particularly close family members- and friends- are able to see each other’s strings… Why can’t I see yours? Am… I not close enough?”

Delia had prepared herself for this question, and yet still found herself somewhat unprepared to answer.

“No, no we’re very very close, sweetheart, don’t you worry about that. You can’t see my string because I don’t have one.”

“Oh.” Ash kept walking. “Is that sad?”

He asked genuinely, purely out of curiosity. And with years and years of fielding the same question, Delia could honestly say this was the only time the person asking hadn’t treated the revelation like some kind of tragedy.

“Nope. I’m very happy as I am, with you and my friends and my work, there are lots of people I care about and who care about me! I don’t need a string to help me find them or to remind me.”

“And… I do?”

“Maybe. Some people never meet their stringmate, or at least, they never know who their stringmate is. Stringmates are just important people after all, there’s not strict rules. All that we can say for sure is that there’s a little red string on your finger and on the other end is someone else who’s gonna care about you very, very much, and the same will go for you. The universe wants you to know that for one reason or another, and now it’s a part of your journey, however you’d like to make it a part of that.”

As Delia finished her sentence, she rounded the corner that turns onto the tiny rock path leading up to her house. Ash continued forward as Delia turned to check the mailbox once before heading inside. Ash waited by the door for her, hesitating just slightly.

“I hope I get to meet them someday. Someone I care about… and who cares about me… if they’re important enough that something wants to tell me that…”

He trailed off for a moment, and as Delia made her way up the steps, she wondered if he'd finished the sentence there.

“If something wants to tell me that… then I gotta meet 'em someday. I gotta tell ‘em, so they know they’re cared about. I promise… I will tell them.”

And Ash opened up the door and headed inside.

Letting a contented smile wash over her face, Delia followed suit.

Really, strongly, she hoped that Ash would meet his soulmate someday.

At the least, because she’d like to think they’d be better for knowing him.

It honestly had been a pretty good day for the most part. He almost wished there was a more solid reason, but really Goh had just been slipping into unease without fair reason.

It just lined up that way. The anxiety and uncertainty that was building in him, the bubbling uncomfortable feeling he couldn’t let spill to anyone in his tiny little apartment.

Theoretically, metaphorically speaking.

His parents were staying at work for the night, finishing up a project deadline, and his grandmother had been on a trip to visit her old friends for the past 4 days.

So no one would know if he slipped away, stayed somewhere else for the night.

The swift night breeze seeped through Goh’s sweater and seeped into his skin, chilling him enough to almost make him return to his apartment to grab a coat. But tenacity is a flaw as much as a virtue, and he pushed onward with gritted teeth.

The heavy bag slung across his back carried everything he really needed for the night. Sleeping bag, pop up tent, research notes and gadgets.

He told himself this was for research purposes alone. Pure coincidence that his stargazing spot was the optimal conditions for research.

He wasn’t a great liar, even to himself, but if he kept repeating it, maybe he’d start to believe it.

It was just suffocating there, he let himself think as he heaved his way up the old stairs, too focused on carrying the weight to filter his own stream of consciousness.

The empty rooms, the still, stale air. It bordered on uncanny the longer he stayed there. The lights illuminated the nothingness that permeated the space, pushing Goh out.

So he ran away, again, like always. Like a coward.

Goh was used to setting up this tent by now. It was like a friend to him, each motion familiar.

With the tent secure, or secure as can be on a rooftop instead of the intended ground, Goh lets himself lean back against the hard concrete railing, looking up towards the stars as always.

Without thinking about it, he subconsciously raised his right hand up, watching the trailing red thread dance about in the wind.

‘I’m sorry.’ He thought, a frequent occurrence.

The thread didn’t answer. It never did.

Goh grit his teeth, tearing his eyes away from the skies.

Usually stargazing helped him feel better, and today it only succeeded in making him feel worse.

Whatever.

It didn’t matter.

He didn’t need to worry about his parents, his soulmate, none of it was important.

Research was important. Mew was important. If his readings were correct, the Lugia appearing over town tomorrow afternoon was important.

Ducking back inside the tent, Goh repeated the same to himself over and over, until exhaustion took over and he slipped into listless sleep.

He ran down the hill like his life depended on it, backpack thunking against him, heart pounding in his ears.

(He ran up the road, fuelled by adrenaline and excitement, partner clinging onto his shoulder, heart pounding in his ears.)

He jumped, leaping towards a creature he’d only seen on a flickering computer screen.

(He jumped, leaping towards a monster, a friend, something to be challenged.)

And he was slipping, falling-

(And he was climbing, reaching)

And then their eyes met.

In someways, looking back, Goh felt stupid for not realizing it. The way his heart pounded, the thrilling exciting feeling of it all. Didn’t it just make sense as a meeting of two soulmates?

And yes, that's what it is, that’s what it was, and looking back Goh blushed and felt his string wrap just the tiniest bit tighter around his finger. Maybe it was just his imagination, but he swore he could feel it pulling at him when he thought about it.

But then…

The spray of the ocean clung to his skin, blood pumping hot through his veins, eyes drawn to the person beside him.

Because what kind of person would do something like this? Jump onto Lugia, ride it over the bay. It’s madness, truly speaking.

Goh’s exact brand of insanity.

So his thoughts were a bit rushed and jumbled as he clung onto the Pokemon. He managed to remember to grab research data, and he managed to stay hanging on.

What kind of person would do something like this?

‘Someone like me’, his mind supplied.

And with all his attention poured onto his new companion, then following the exhausting travel home, Goh didn’t even think about his string once.

Ash wanted to say he spoke up because he had a feeling, or because he was drawn to Goh, or anything romantic like that.

Instead, it was late at night. The moonlight peered in through the slats in the blinds and Ash watched it wash up against the walls from his bed. He couldn’t sleep.

He hated not being able to sleep, it was such an awkward uncomfortable feeling, the urge to squirm and twist filling his mind.

For the sake of Pikachu, curled up against his side, he restrained himself.

Ash watched its ears twitch slightly as it slept, watched its back rise and fall in a steady even rhythm.

For a while, that was enough. The even tempo provided by Pikachu was soothing, sweet. Ash could feel his eyelids growing heavier with each little twitch of Pikachu’s ears.

But that wasn’t the problem.

It was the buzzing, uncomfortable feeling that zigzagged back and forth in his chest. Like if a dozen Joltik had all crawled their way in there. Ash grimaced at the mental image.

That buzzing feeling that wouldn’t cease, wouldn’t let him sleep no matter how tired he was, it was beginning to drive Ash insane.

Or at least, that was the excuse he wanted to come up with, because he couldn't think of a good reason for why he’d whispered out.

Lightly, quietly enough there was no risk of anyone hearing him, unless they’d been straining their ears for it, Ash spoke.

“Goh.”

It wasn’t a question, it was nothing but a name, let loose into the night cautiously.

There was silence for a moment, near silence at least.

Ash strained his ears.

Pikachu’s breathing, Sobble snoring, the air conditioner running, and there -

“ Ash .”

So very, very quiet, as light as a feather, was Goh’s voice.

The buzzing feeling subsided only lightly.

“Are you alright?”

Ash asked, without even thinking about it.

Near silence again. The buzzing returned, growing dizzier and more frantic.

Ash clenched his fists, screwing his eyes shut. Had he just imagined Goh’s voice, was he really that sleep deprived?

“Why?” Came Goh’s reply, still as hushed as could be.

“Today… it was….” Ash began.

Terrifying, Worrying, Scary.

HIs mind filled in. But Ash couldn’t say any of these things.

“Intense.” He settled on.

“With Suicune? And the hunters?”

“Mm.”

Ash could hear his blood rushing better than he could hear Goh. It thumped in his ears, pounding and pounding. He wondered if he was getting a headache. Maybe that's why he couldn’t sleep.

“Were you scared?” Goh answered after a moment’s hesitation.

Ash’s breath caught in his throat.

He wanted to say no. Either No, because he always believed Goh would win in the end, or No because he’d faced scarier things, or just No because he didn’t want Goh to worry but instead he said nothing at all.

Goh spoke again, not waiting for Ash’s reply.

“‘Cause… I was just a little. Don’t tell Chloe.”

“You were scared?” Ash asked. He didn’t mean for it to sound accusatory, he was just… surprised.

“I-I… augh, yes, yes I was, okay, are you gonna laugh because I’d prefer you just get it over with.”

“No!” Ash lowered his voice, careful, “No, I just… You seemed so prepared and ready.”

“I just… I thought they were gonna really hurt Suicune. And I wouldn’t be able to stop it. It felt like… like if I couldn’t stop them from hurting Suicune, then… what was even the point of being a trainer, you know?”

And Ash’s heart ached badly because he did . He knew exactly what Goh meant.

He’d just hoped that Goh wouldn’t have to feel it.

“Yeah.” Ash replied, and this time his voice was the one as light as air.

He opened his palm just to clench it again.

“Suicune deserved better than that, you know? I wonder if… if maybe it’s been taken advantage of before? It hid up really high in this big old tree, and it didn’t want me anywhere near it. A-and I can’t blame it, I don’t, I- I don’t know if it… hated me for catching it? I just wanted to help it, but I kept feeling like I screwed up.”

Goh trailed off.

“And?”

Ash prompted lightly.

“And when we were in the tree, I just… I remember sitting with it, facing away ‘cause I remembered that Suicune get shy about observation, and I just… I had this feeling like we understood each other. Like… right then, Suicune understood I was trying to take care of it. I’ve never felt anything quite like that before.”

The last few words came out breathy, and Ash could hear the emotion trickling through Goh’s words.

“So yeah… I was scared that… that even after I’d managed to like… connect with it or something, I’d let it down. Then… would it ever trust anyone again?”

“But you didn’t, did you? You saved it, and it knew that, and it stayed with you. Everything worked out.”

Ash was trying to reassure Goh, but he didn’t even feel like he was convincing himself.

“Yeah.” Goh replied, “It did. I wish I didn’t still feel worried about it.”

Ash could’ve kicked himself. Of course Goh felt worried, of course and here he was just making things worse this was so frustrating and the buzzing just kept getting worse .

“I-“ Ash tried, but the words fizzled out.

“I-!” He tried again.

Gritting his teeth, Ash pulled his arm in closer to his chest. He could feel the string on his finger pulling at him, growing tighter as he curled in on himself.

“I was scared too.” He managed, finally, to say. Still quiet into the darkness, still hushed and cautious.

“You were?” Came Goh’s reply, hesitant.

“For Suicune, of course… that even if we tried our best, those hunters might still get away with it. I’m glad they didn’t.”

Ash bit his lip. That wasn’t all of it, he knew it wasn’t, but it felt so hard to say what should’ve been simple.

“Yeah…”

The buzzing, the buzzing, the awful trapped feeling laying under his own skin, it was becoming unbearable. Why couldn’t he just say what he wanted to?

“A-and.” Ash started, unable to go any further.

“And?” Goh prompted, gently.

“And… you.”

There was a quick noise, a quiet noise, a sharp intake of breath followed by silence.

Silence, then a shy, “me?” Wavering down from the top bunk.

“I- I was trying to keep calm, and reassure Lucario and everything but… I guess it could just feel my own worry. When I heard you shouting I couldn’t see you at all. I was so worried that… maybe they’d hurt you.”

“Ash…”

“I’m sorry. It’s not that I don’t trust you, I promise! I know you’re strong, I don’t ever want you to think I don’t believe in you.”

Ah. So that was it. Funny how talking to Goh made all the threads in his mind seem to untangle just right.

“Ash I-! I didn’t think that, don’t worry. I don’t… think that. I’m just- I-… I’m… happy? I think? That… that you were worried. For me.”

“Of course I worry about you!”

“I worry about you too!”

And part of that made Ash’s skin crawl, because he didn’t want anyone worrying on his behalf, not even his mother. And another part of him, tiny and hidden and tucked away, breathed a quiet sigh of relief.

“I- I’m not happy that you're worried ,” Goh explained, stumbling over his words, “Or I guess I kind of am? But… I guess I’m happy that you ‘care enough to be concerned’, or whatever however that saying went.”

“Saying?”

“Nothing, it’s silly! Just… something in one of Chloe’s fairy tale books that... stuck with me, I suppose.”

“Mm…. Fairytale, huh… tell me about it?”

“Of course!”

And maybe it was Goh’s gentle words, they way they came even and breathy. Maybe it was the tugging at his hand. The thread around it getting pulled gently, then released, long and slow and even. One. Two. Three. A moment’s rest. One… two… three.

It almost seemed like the motion and Goh’s voice were in tandem with each other.

The buzzing was subsiding. Washed away by warm golden light Ash could feel himself sinking into as he fell asleep.

As he drifted off, Ash’s finger caught on the edge of the string just slightly, and he pulled it in closer to himself. Hopefully the person on the other end could feel it, could feel that warmth that Ash was basking in.

Maybe it was just sleep taking hold, but like a knot had been untied, Ash could’ve sworn the string was coming easier now, giving just that slightest bit more.

Most people, as close as the two of them were, probably would’ve asked each other by now. If for nothing else than pure curiosity.

Goh had asked Chloe about her string when they were both nine, just managing to see the sparkling sliver of hers when she held it up to the light.

“Are you gonna follow it?”

He’d asked, idly reaching out to try and touch the thing.

“I… don’t know.”

There was something so solitary in her voice, far and echoing down a tunnel of her thoughts, that Goh never asked about her string again.

She, of course, knew better than to mention his string. She’d heard the teasing, she knew what they thought. Sometimes she wondered if Goh ever thought the same.

In all honesty, Goh suspected that’s why he’d never managed to ask Ash about his string, if he even had one. It’s not that he wasn’t curious about it, he was so curious it made his brain itch. Rather if he did ask, common courtesy would have him show his string in return, and Goh would rather not talk about that. He took some consolation in the fact that Ash never asked either. Maybe he was just as shy. It felt weird to imagine Ash being shy like that… but it was kind of fun to imagine him all flustered too, Goh thought.

So Goh didn’t ask about it. Tried not to think about it.

‘It’s not my business.’ He thought each time he caught himself straining his eyes at Ash’s finger tips. ‘If Ash wants to tell me about his string, he will.’

And for the most part, that worked well.

It was by pure, honest accident Goh ended up seeing Ash’s string that day. It caught in the bright, Alolan sunlight, light bouncing off the trophy they lifted up into the air together.

And it was a strange feeling, watching it twist about, looping around Ash until Goh couldn’t tell which direction the other end really led.

Strange, in that something about knowing someone else out there cared very much for Ash made Goh’s heart warm. Good, he thought. Ash should be cared for so very, very much. But even thinking those words felt somewhat strained, pulled back as if tied up, prevented from coming to fruition fully.

And yet…

Even with that feeling nagging at him, over all of that was a silly sort of contentment.

Seeing Ash’s string meant they were close, at least in the universe’s eyes.

Goh grinned over at Ash, who did the same in return.

He didn’t need the universe to tell him they were close. He already knew that perfectly well.

But…

It was kind of nice.

He wasn’t even planning it, it all just happened at once. Goh wasn’t thinking much, running after Ash.

Of course, he was thinking, a lot.

Messy, shapeless thoughts of excitement and joy and satisfaction were whirling about in his head.

He just wasn’t thinking things through like normal. There was no plan, no reason behind it. Only Ash’s grinning smile, eyes widening as Goh approached.

He didn’t even have to say a word for Ash to open his arms, and Goh was leaping, throwing himself into Ash.

The impact was enough to knock them both back a bit, Goh grabbing onto Ash hard and feeling Ash’s arms gripping him in much the same way.

Running on the same excitement Ash spurred them both forward, a spin that carried the momentum into whirlwind.

Spinning, around and around, Goh’s eyes shut tight as his smile stretched further.

Until they weren’t anymore.

Until he found his eyes had opened. Looking out to a swirling array of reds, vibrant and dazzling, all around them.

He tumbled out of Ash’s grip, still laughing along with him. It wasn’t until they both jumped up together, feet finally back on the ground, that Ash opened his eyes in turn, widening as he took in the view with a quick gasp.

The excitement was still there, the laughing thrilling joy still running about them. It was simply the sight of the string curling its way through reality, around them both, that settled a feeling of hush over them.

“Whoaaaa….”

Ash breathed out, looking up at the swirling circles of red enveloping the both of them.

“I-is that my string? Or yours?”

And Goh, feeling Ash’s arms around him, feeling Ash’s breathing, in his own grip (it was just that slightest bit heavier with his excitement) feeling the flustered sort of joy that envelops them both, replied in kind.

“Yeah… I think it is.”

They didn’t talk about it for another 3 days.

Ash swore he meant to, he promised, it was just… everything all happened at once, and with Gengar and getting back to Kanto and the championships coming up, there was so much to do that he just… didn’t bring it up.

He didn’t forget, he didn’t avoid it on purpose.

It was more that, if Goh wasn’t going to bring it up again, Ash had enough to think about, mind busy and buzzing and clattering.

Or he did, for a bit, and then… things subsided. The chaos of his life always seemed to ebb and flow like that. Everything on top of itself, compounding on top of him, then it all receded.

The calm always came, eventually, whether he recognized it or not.

The moment it clicked for him was three days after they’d both gotten home, adventures sticking around the port again for the time being.

He hadn’t even meant to talk about it that day either, but things always fell into place like that, didn’t they?

With all the locals up for a battle beat for the day, Ash stuffed his hands in his pockets and headed up the hill to the spot where he promised Goh they’d meet.

He could see Goh’s profile in the distance as he made his way up. The setting sun over the ocean cast light against Goh, obscuring his face. A shimmering ring of golden looped around him, and Ash held his hand up to get a clearer look as he drew nearer.

Goh stood looking out over the town, one arm out in front of him, reaching his fingerstips outwards as if trying to scoop the sun out of the bay.

Sarunori lingered off to the side, more preoccupied in playing with Goh’s new Shellder than with Goh himself.

Pressing his finger to his lip and nudging Pikachu to follow along, Ash walked over to Goh, quietly settling in to stand beside him.

The breeze passed over them.

Ash glanced towards Goh’s hand, watching the string flicker back and forth in the wind.

“It really is pretty…” Ash murmured.

Goh startled slightly, though he tried not to show it.

“Yeah. It really is.”

Ash raised his own hand to Goh’s, letting them bump against each other. The section of the string kept wound around Goh’s palm slowly came undone in the breeze, and Ash watched how his end of the string gave in response.

“We… we really are soulmates, Goh?”

Goh swallowed. Ash wasn’t just asking if the strings truly did connect, and he knew it.

“I think we are. I want us to be.”

Goh took a nervous glance over to Ash.

Ash in return, faced the port.

“Awwughh!” Ash yelled, kind of, it was a bit of an odd noise, and Goh really couldn’t conceal his jump this time.

“S-Ash?! Ash is it really that ba-“

“I shoulda known sooner! I promised- I’m so sorry…”

“ Huh ?”

Goh stared Ash down in bewilderment, but Ash returned him with an oddly focused look.

“Mama told me about soulmates and what they mean. How it’s the world or Arceus or whatever telling you this person on the other end cares about you and the other way around.”

There was such conviction in Ash’s words, such honesty in his tone. Goh felt his eyes begin to sting.

“I wanted to meet my soulmate so bad so I could tell 'em I cared about them… even if I just met ‘em I thought it’d be able to feel it, yanno? …and even then I wanted them to know. That I cared about them or would care about them or whatever. It’s important.”

And Goh tried so hard to keep himself together, but he cracked and tumbled, and the tears stinging his eyes grew strong enough to spill over.

“Ash… what are you even saying?” He was crying, the tears streamed down his face in quick succession, but he couldn’t help from smiling either.

“You’ve already shown me you love me more than words could ever say.”

It was Ash’s turn to blink in surprise for a moment, but the grin returned stronger than ever.

“Then I haven’t broken my promise after all!”

Goh wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

“You never do.”

He took a deep, shaky breath, looking down and away from Ash’s face.

“Ash, I… I’m sorry.”

“Goh?”

“I… I don’t know if I thought I’d ever meet my soulmate. I never really… focused on it too much? And when I did it wasn’t exactly… pleasant. I was kind of stupid, you know? I didn’t really… believe. That there’d be someone out there who’d care for me like fairytales say. And when I met Mew… I guess part of me decided that it would be good enough. That if I got to see it again, I wouldn’t need a soulmate, or friends, or any kind of human connection.”

Ash opened his mouth as if to protest, but quietly closed it, letting Goh continue.

“I’m still going to see Mew. I’m gonna catch every pokemon! I'm gonna catch Mew! But… I like having friends. I love all the Pokemon I’ve caught, I love watching silly movies with Chloe, I love, love adventuring with you. I’m ambitious! I want it all. The me today can’t… even imagine that the younger me wanted to abandon his soulmate. I’m sorry.”

Ash was still quiet for a moment, holding his hands together. His right hand toyed with the string on the left. After a moment, he looked to Goh, face purely serious.

“Do you still feel that way? That you’d rather not have a soulmate at all?”

And Goh was able to finally meet his eye, look right into deep browns that clashed with glowing blues and know he meant it when he said,

“No.”

Ash’s expression melted back into a smile.

“Then all I really wanna know is… is it okay if I keep caring about you?”

“Only if it’s okay that I keep caring about you!”

“Okay?”

“Okay!”

And this time it was Ash who threw himself into Goh’s awaiting arms.

Things didn’t change as much as Goh feared they would, thank goodness for that. If there was anything he was fearing the most about being Ash’s soulmate, is that somehow it’d mean he lost him as a friend.

Things are the same, and yet different. Different in the way that fall is different from spring, while being the same feeling in reverse.

Goh liked it a lot, if he was being honest.

The little smiles Ash would give him, the special ones reserved just for him. He liked the word of it, the feeling of saying that’s him, that's Ash. His fate assigned friend, his special person.

Part of that just came with the knowledge that the inverse was true.

He mattered to Ash. So said the universe. So said Ash, every morning when they woke up and every night when they went to sleep.

“I love ya, Goh! Goodnight!” While tugging the string each evening, “Good morning, Goh!” Every dawn pulling at the thread.

And it wasn’t just the words of it, it was the way Ash would break a piece off of whatever he was eating to share it with Goh, it was the way he’d light up whenever he heard Goh cheering for him, it was the way his grip would tighten when he grabbed Goh’s hand and took him searching through the forest or the streets or wherever .

It was in those days, the adventures in the early morning, the returns home late at night, Goh felt like he finally understood why people cared so much about stringmates.

‘Cause he sure as hell cared about Ash.

To love Ash was to let himself be loved by Ash in return.

But universe or not, string or otherwise, that wasn’t all that loving Ash entailed, and Goh had known it for a while.

He’d just hoped it wouldn’t come so soon.

His stomach dropped as he read the message, it was like plunging into the water on Lugia’s back again. Like Lugia, but in reverse, as fall was to spring.

“Sorry, Ash. I…”

He took a moment to breathe, trying to keep his composure. Everything Ash had done had built up to this, since nearly as long as they’d known each other. Since way, way longer, Goh knew. He couldn’t ruin it now. At least, not more than he already was.

“Can’t watch your battle tomorrow.”

He finished. Hearing the words out loud, even from his own mouth, made them all the much more real, and all the much more worse.

Ash tried to hide it, but Goh still watched the shocked expression rise up onto his face.

“I got an urgent summons from Project Mew.” He explained slowly. He’d known this was a risk, he’d known that with both of them chasing after their dreams there was a chance their paths would separate.

“So I have to leave right now…”

And petty as it was, he’d wanted to see this! The look of blank surprise Ash wore when he won, followed by the elation and excitement as everything hit him? Goh loved seeing that expression on Ash’s face more than any other.

He’d wanted to see that. He had the utmost faith that Ash would win.

And if somehow, somehow , he hadn’t, Goh had wanted to be there, to encourage him. To tell him he knew Ash was capable of amazing things, that he would win someday, it just wasn’t time yet.

And yet, the time had come for them both to split, and Goh hated it.

“Really?”

Ash was smiling, again he was smiling. It didn’t stop Goh from hearing the hint of upset in his voice, the tiniest sliver of sadness buried by the other syllables. It didn’t stop him from feeling the gentle tug at the string, the pulling that compelled him to just run forward, cry, and never leave.

He stood his ground.

“Well then, you make sure you meet that Mew!”

If it was anyone else, the cheerfulness Goh was presented with would make him raise his defences. The idea that they didn’t care he was leaving.

But this was Ash. Goh knew Ash. He knew that voice, he knew that expression.

He knew Ash didn’t want him to leave, and selfishly, he was grateful.

“Yeah! Make sure you win too, Ash!”

He said, giving the string a quick, tight tug.

‘Don’t let me be the thing that drags you down. Not now and not ever.’

He thought, quietly praying the thoughts reached his soulmate.

“Yeah! It’s a promise!”

And it hurt still, Goh still felt that sting, but there was still the fact of the matter. He couldn’t stop destiny from calling him anymore than Ash could. He’d wanted to be there for Ash, he’d wanted Ash to be there with him when he saw Mew.

But maybe this… this could be their fate in the same way their meeting was.

For Ash to reach towards his goal at the same time as Goh jumped towards his… it felt fitting, in a cosmic sense.

He still hated it, but hating the universe was nothing new for Goh, was it?

“The next time we meet…”

And there would be a next time, Goh would cling to that next time. Meeting Mew was his destiny, the one crafted in the palm of his hands. Being with Ash was just as much his destiny, the one tied to his finger and held tight.

“It’ll be with a smile!”

‘I won’t wait for you.’ Goh thought as they bumped their fists together, string tangling with itself for a brief moment. ‘Cause I know you wouldn’t want that. We’re running towards our goals in parallel.’

He gave Ash one last wave before heading off in the opposite direction, back towards the hotel to gather his things.

Head down, fingers toying with the string, Goh tugged surely, slowly.

One.

Two.

Three.

‘We’ll find our way back together, Ash. I know we will. And when you see me again…

I’ll have Mew in one hand and you in the other.

That, and the biggest smile you’ve ever seen.

I promise.’

[End]

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