#traffic mastery

[anythingbeyondmyimagination]

Ready to transform your website and boost your online sales?

Try our Design Website, Sales Funnel & Site Builder Design Software today!

Simply click the link to get started. Click Here!

[mehmetyildizmelbourne-blog]

22-Day Formulized Intense Writing and Engagement Challenge for Substack Writers

This is not a usual story writing challenge; it is for gaining paid subscribers subsidized by Substack with a strategic move.  Why 22 days? It is because the offer by Substack ends on 30 November, and some of us have already missed 8 days because we did not hear about it despite my writing twice about it in the last 8 days.  Any story about Substack, including my book chapters related to…

[marketingprofitmedia]

PixelCloud AI Review – Get Unlimited Cloud Storage, File Hosting For Lifetime

Welcome to my PixelCloud AI Review. Did you know this? The most critical aspects of developing an empire are storing, hosting data, and maintaining an up-to-date backup. And for this, you’ll need to use cloud storage services. However, services such as Dropbox, Google Drive, OneDrive, and Amazon Cloud levy recurring fees month after month. The technology of data storage in clouds has transformed the experience of storing, accessing, and managing data in business entities and for individuals. With a new day comes countless numbers of new pieces of content that need to be stored and in a safe, efficient, and affordable method, that is where cloud storage comes in. Introducing PixelCloud AI – the brand new generation of cloud storage services to satisfy the exigencies of the modern world with unbounded file storage, high speed, and only one payment as a form of get.

Here in this PixelCloud AI review, we will look at the various specifications, advantages, and costs of using this marvelous cloud storage solution in order to evaluate the offered Proposition. So, if you are interested in the cloud storage service provider that can provide convenience, security, and reasonable price, then let’s continue reading and determine whether PixelCloud AI is what you need.

What Is PixelCloud AI?

PixelCloud AI is a smart cloud storage solution that goes beyond storing files for users, it aims to serve the ever growing needs of users. It provides infinite storage for files, images, videos, and sounds while allowing a client to work with a speedy and efficient interface. In contrast to numerous other Cloud solutions, which set monthly or yearly price per the gigabyte of the Cloud space, PixelCloud AI provides an individual payment without any additional charges.

It uses artificial intelligence that makes work with files, their searching and sharing, fast and optimized across the devices and regions. Whether the user requires a place to store his or her documents, business, multimedia files or any memory that they cherish PixelCloud AI boasts of being the ultimate solution to all the need of any user.

PixelCloud AI Review: Overview

Product Creator: Laxman Singh

Product Name: PixelCloud AI

Launch Date: 2024-Oct-23

Launch Time: 11:00 EDT

Front-End Price: $17 (One-time payment)

Official Website: Click Here To Visit Official Salespage

Product Type: Tools And Software

Support: Effective Response

Discount: Get The Best Discount Right Here!

Recommended: Highly Recommended

Bonuses: YES, Huge Bonuses

Skill Level Required: All Levels

Discount Coupon: Use Code “Pixel3” To Get $3 OFF!

Refund: YES, 30 Days Money-Back Guarantee

PixelCloud AI Review: Key Features of PixelCloud AI

Unlimited Cloud Storage At One-Time Fee For Life

Upload & Manage Unlimited, Images, Audios, and Videos

10TB Cloud Storage At LOW One-Time Fee

BackUp All Your Files So You Will Never Have Fear Of Losing Them Ever Again

100% protection of data with free End-To-End SSL Encryption

Enable embed code, forum code and link

Upload ANY File/Document/Folder – You Name It!

Simply Drag-N-Drop To Witness The Magic Unfold

Doubles-up as a cloud drive for easy use and collaboration

Auto-Storage Expansion as per usage

One-click third-party sharing enabled

Shareable Links To Share Anywhere

Log-in and access from anywhere in the world, at any device & at any time

100% Protection Of Data With Iron-Clad Data Protection & Advance Security

Upload Multiple Files At The Same Time & Even In The Background To Carry-Out Your Work Hassle-Free

Revolutionary Compression Algorithm Makes Upload & Download SUPER Fast And Storage a BREEZE

Download not only files but an entire folder as ZIP file

Preview Your File To Quickly Scan For The Info You Need Without Needing To Download It

24*7 Premium Support To Solve All Your Issues On-Time

Commercial Licence Included

PixelCloud AI Review: How Does It Work?

Store, Share & Backup All Your Business Files With 100% Security In 3 EASY Steps

Step #1: Login

To get started, grab your copy of PixelCloud AI & be on the fast track to success.

Step #2: Upload Documents

Now all you need to do is upload any(all) files, folders, and documents with zero hassles.

Step #3: Share, Publish & Profit

Now, you’re all set and done. Just sit back, and relax to share all your business files with 100% security in a cost-effective manner.

PixelCloud AI Review: Benefits of PixelCloud AI

Brand New Technology To Host Unlimited Files, Folders & Documents At Ultra Fast Speed

Host & Share Multiple Files With 100% Security In Just 3 Clicks

Revolutionary Compression Algorithm Makes Upload & Download SUPER Fast And Storage a BREEZE

AI-enhanced File Organisation enhance the organisation of your files and categorise your files, reducing the time required to look for the correct folder to place your files..

Unlimited Cloud Storage At One-Time Fee

Upload & Manage Unlimited, Images, Audios, and Videos

BackUp All Your Files So You Will Never Have Fear Of Losing Them Ever Again

100% protection of data with free End-To-End SSL Encryption

Upload ANY File/Document/Folder With Zero Security Hassles

Auto-Storage Expansion as per usage

One-click third-party sharing enabled

Kick Out Expensive & Money Sucking Third Party Cloud Storage Platforms Forever

AI-enabled Search – enables you to find any files with ease and  you’ll never lose your files again.

100% Protection Of Data With Iron-Clad Data Protection & Advance Security

Upload Multiple Files At The Same Time & Even In The Background To Carry-Out Your Work Hassle-Free

Easy To Use Software With Step By Step Video Training

Limited Time Commercial License Included To Provide High In Demand Services To Hungry Clients

Launch Special Deal ONLY- Get Fast-action Bonuses Worth $3,658

Iron Clad 30 Days Money Back Guarantee Included

PixelCloud AI Review: Who Should Use It?

Affiliate Marketers

Content Creators & Bloggers

Website Owners

Video Marketers

E-Commerce Marketers

Email Marketers

Course Creators & Coaches

Social Media Marketers

PLR (Private Label Rights) Sellers

Product Launchers

Freelancers & Consultants

Web Developers

Digital Agencies

Small Business Owners

Niche Marketers

Influencers

And Many Others

PixelCloud AI Review: OTO’s And Pricing

Add My Bundle Coupon Code “PIXELCLOUDAI30″ – For 30% Off Any Funnel OTO Below

Front End Price: Pixelcloud AI ($17)

OTO1: Pixelcloud AI Premium ($47)

OTO2: Pixelcloud AI Unlimited Edition ($67)

OTO3: Pixelcloud AI Enhance Security Edition ($47)

OTO4: Pixelcloud AI DFY ($97)

OTO5: Pixelcloud AI Agency Edition ($197)

OTO6: Pixelcloud AI Reseller License ($97)

OTO7: Pixelcloud AI WhiteLabel Edition ($397)

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ’s)

Q. Is it easy to get started with PixelCloud AI?

Yes, all you got to do is just follow the 3 simple steps that we’ve mentioned above, and get ready to kick out monthly charging loud storage platforms forever.

Q. Do I need experience or tech/design skills to get started?

PixelCloud AI was created keeping newbies in mind. So, it’s 100% newbie-friendly & requires no prior design or tech skills.

Q. Do you provide a money-back guarantee?

Absolutely yes. We’ve already mentioned on the page that you’re getting a 30-day no-questions money-back guarantee. Be rest assured, your investment is in safe hands.

Q. Is step-by-step training included?

YEAH- PixelCloud AI comes with step-by-step video training that makes it simple, and easy & guides you through the entire process with no turbulence.

Q. How are you different from available tools in the market?

This tool is packed with industry-leading features that have never been offered before. Also, if you’re on this page with us, it simply means you have checked out a majority of the available tools and looking for a complete solution. You’ll not get these features ever at such a low price, so be rest assured with your purchase.

Q. Does your software work easily on Mac and Windows?

PixelCloud AI is 100% cloud-based. You can use it on any Mac or Windows operating machine.

Q. Do you provide any support?

Yes, we’re always on our toes to deliver you an unmatched experience. Drop us an email if you ever have any queries, and we’ll be more than happy to help.

Final Verdict: Is PixelCloud AI Worth It?

PixelCloud AI is a revolutionary cloud storage that offers a number of services for free with a one-time fee with the benefit of, ultimately, free and fast storage without limit. No matter if you own a business, create or share content, work freelance or even if you just need a safe place to store your files, PixelCloud AI is a perfect choice that won’t cost you a fortune. Because of the advanced technology, provided file encryption, and friendly design, PixelCloud AI brings convenience, speed, and affordability to cloud storage. If you are frustrated with paying every month for such an opportunity with the limited space in it, then it is time to choose PixelCloud AI: the cloud storage of the future.

>>For More Details About PixelCloud AI Click Here<<

Check Out My Previous Reviews: NicheBuildr AI Review, HeyBooks Review, MailPal Review, and Visionary AI Review.

Thank for reading my PixelCloud AI Review till the end. Hope it will help you to make purchase decision perfectly.

[digitalsoftwareproductreviews]

Pin Ai Mastery Review

Pin A.I Mastery, a computerized digital book guide intended to assist clients with creating purchaser traffic from Pinterest utilizing secret talk GPT prompts. This audit will dive into the highlights, advantages, professionals, and cons of Pin A.I Mastery, assisting you with choosing if this guide merits putting resources into.

Product Overview: Pin A.I Mastery is a computerized digital book guide that gives fundamental bits of knowledge and techniques for utilizing the force of man-made brainpower (simulated intelligence) on Pinterest. It offers adjustable talk GPT prompts that assist clients with making special pins and drive purchaser traffic to their offers and sites.

>>>Get More Info<<<

[dpapalivingaflipfloplife]

Pin A.I Mastery - Discover The Secret Buyer Traffic Goldmine on Pinterest Using The Power of A.I

Introduction Introducing Pin A.I Mastery, a guide designed to transform your Pinterest strategy using the power of A.I. This in-depth review will cover the features, benefits, pros, and cons of Pin A.I Mastery, helping you determine if it’s the right tool for your marketing needs.  Now keep this in mind folks.  This is my wife’s Katerina’s first official launch with her own product guide type…

[zilchfuff]

Russell Brunson's Secrets Of Success Free Bonuses & Affiliate

JV Affiliate Without Buying The Product & Great Free Traffic Bonuses To Crush This Launch On The Front Page Of Google & YouTube For FREE. Sign-Up Here!

[fahmidaafrinbd]

Digi24 Income Mastery Review | #1 No Review

Make $150s To $1500s Every Day IN JUST 3 EASY STEPS

Step #1 Get Access to This Amazing Proven System Finish Learning…

Step #2 Follow The Instructions Training and Start Implementing Module…

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[hannahp0calypse]

so i've been playing need for speed unbound recently, and there's a character in it called Boost and i kinda adore him?

so his deal is that he's a socially awkward shy anime nerd who one day stumbled on an anime that changed his life. it inspired him to pick up a new hobby and expand his horizons, leading to him growing his social circle and really coming into his own, finding confidence from his mastery of this hobby.

except the anime was Initial D and his hobby is illegal street racing. and that's absolutely hilarious!!! "guy who watched bocchi and got into playing guitar" except he's drifting down highways and dodging through traffic because he loves Initial D

[mehmetyildizmelbourne-blog]

Substack Mastery Book: Chapter 17

How to Use Online Polls on Substack Effectively Non-members can read this important chapter for free here. I have been using surveys and polls for many years. Polls are quick and narrow in scope, while surveys are more detailed and aim to collect deeper insights. They have helped me gather information and validate my hypotheses during my postgraduate studies, enabling me to produce more…

[marketingprofitmedia]

How Can You Rank Your Brand-New Website on Google in a Few Days Quick Wins

To rank a brand-new website on Google quickly, focus on high-quality content and effective SEO strategies. Use targeted keywords and build backlinks.

Launching a new website is an exciting venture, but ranking it on Google can be challenging. Success hinges on implementing effective SEO strategies right from the start. High-quality, relevant content is crucial. Incorporate targeted keywords naturally throughout your site. Optimize meta tags, headers, and images to enhance visibility.

Building backlinks from reputable sources can significantly boost your site’s credibility. Engage in social media promotion to drive traffic. Regularly update your website with fresh content to keep users engaged. Lastly, ensure your site is mobile-friendly and loads quickly to improve user experience. With these steps, you can enhance your chances of achieving a high Google ranking.

Credit: www.linkedin.com

>> My Best Recommended & Proven Way to Make $100 Daily — Watch THIS Video FREE Training to START >>

Introduction To Swift Seo Strategies

Launching a new website is exciting. But how do you get it to rank on Google quickly? Using swift SEO strategies is key. These methods can help your site appear on Google’s first page in just a few days.

The Race To Google’s First Page

Ranking on Google’s first page is like a race. Everyone wants to be there, but not everyone succeeds. By using effective SEO techniques, you can get ahead of your competitors.

Start by optimizing your website’s content. Use keywords that your target audience is searching for. Ensure your content is valuable and relevant. This will help Google recognize your site as an authority.

Another crucial factor is page speed. A fast-loading website improves user experience and ranks higher on Google. Use tools like Google PageSpeed Insights to test and improve your site’s speed.

Realistic Timelines For Seo Results

SEO is not magic. It takes time to see results. For a brand-new website, you can expect to see improvements in 4 to 6 weeks. But with swift SEO strategies, you can speed up this process.

Follow a consistent SEO plan. Update your content regularly. Engage with your audience on social media. These actions signal to Google that your site is active and relevant.

SEO TaskExpected Time to See ResultsKeyword Optimization1–2 weeksContent Updates2–3 weeksLink Building3–4 weeksPage Speed ImprovementsImmediate to 1 week

Use relevant keywords in your content.

Improve your page speed for better user experience.

Engage with your audience on social media.

Update your content regularly to stay relevant.

By following these steps, you can rank your brand-new website on Google in a short time. Remember, consistency and quality are key.

Keyword Research For Immediate Impact

Launching a new website and ranking it on Google fast can seem daunting. But with the right keyword research, you can see results in just a few days. Keyword research is the cornerstone of SEO success. It identifies the terms your target audience is searching for. This section will show you how to do keyword research for immediate impact.

Identifying Low Competition Keywords

To quickly rank your website, you need to find keywords with low competition. These keywords are not heavily targeted by other websites. Here is a simple process to find them:

Use tools like Ubersuggest or Ahrefs.

Look for keywords with low difficulty scores.

Ensure the keywords have a decent search volume.

By targeting low competition keywords, you increase your chances of ranking faster. Focus on these keywords to gain quick visibility.

Leveraging Long-tail Keywords

Long-tail keywords are longer, more specific phrases. They usually have lower search volumes but higher conversion rates. Here’s how you can leverage them:

Think about specific queries your audience might have.

Use keyword research tools to find related long-tail keywords.

Incorporate these keywords naturally into your content.

Long-tail keywords are less competitive. They help you attract highly targeted traffic. This traffic is more likely to convert.

In summary, keyword research is vital for ranking a new website quickly. By identifying low competition keywords and leveraging long-tail keywords, you can achieve immediate impact. Use the right tools and strategies to find these keywords. Incorporate them into your content to see fast results.

>> My Best Recommended & Proven Way to Make $100 Daily — Watch THIS Video FREE Training to START >>

Content Creation With Seo In Mind

Creating content with SEO in mind is crucial for ranking your brand-new website on Google quickly. It involves crafting articles that are not only high-quality but also optimized for search engines. Let’s dive into some key strategies for achieving this.

Crafting High-quality, Relevant Articles

High-quality content is king. Write articles that provide value to your readers. Ensure the content is relevant to your target audience. Use simple words and short sentences for better readability.

Here’s a checklist for crafting high-quality articles:

Research your topic: Understand what your audience needs.

Use clear and concise language: Avoid jargon and complex words.

Include images and videos: Visuals make your content engaging.

Format your content: Use headings, subheadings, and bullet points.

Check for errors: Proofread to avoid grammar and spelling mistakes.

Optimizing Content For Featured Snippets

Featured snippets are the short answers Google shows at the top of search results. Optimizing for these can skyrocket your visibility. Focus on answering common questions related to your topic.

Here are some tips for optimizing content for featured snippets:

Identify common questions: Use tools like Answer the Public.

Provide concise answers: Keep answers short and to the point.

Use lists and tables: Google prefers content that’s easy to read.

Use proper HTML tags: Format your content correctly.

Example of a featured snippet format:

QuestionAnswerWhat is SEO?SEO stands for Search Engine Optimization. It involves optimizing a website to rank higher on search engines.

By following these strategies, you can create content that not only engages your audience but also ranks high on Google.

On-page Seo Essentials

On-page SEO is crucial for ranking your brand-new website on Google quickly. It involves optimizing various elements on your web pages. This helps search engines understand your content. Let’s dive into some key aspects of on-page SEO.

Title Tags And Meta Descriptions

Title tags are the first thing search engines and users see. Make sure they are descriptive and include your main keyword. Keep them under 60 characters.

Meta descriptions provide a brief summary of your page content. Aim for 150–160 characters. Use action words and include your main keyword. This can boost your click-through rate.

ElementBest PracticesTitle TagInclude main keyword, under 60 charactersMeta Description150–160 characters, include main keyword, use action words

Header Tags And Image Alt Attributes

Header tags (H1, H2, H3) structure your content. Use H1 for the main title, H2 for subheadings, and H3 for smaller sections. Include keywords in these headers.

Image alt attributes describe your images. Use them to include relevant keywords. This helps with image search ranking and accessibility.

H1 Tag: Main title, include main keyword

H2 Tag: Subheadings, include secondary keywords

H3 Tag: Smaller sections, include relevant keywords

Image Alt: Describe image, include keywords

By optimizing these elements, you improve your chances of ranking higher on Google. Implement these on-page SEO essentials to see quick results.

Technical Seo For Quick Wins

To rank your brand-new website quickly on Google, focus on Technical SEO. Proper technical setup ensures your site is easy for search engines to crawl and index. Here are key areas to focus on for quick wins.

Improving Site Speed

Site speed affects both user experience and search rankings. A fast website keeps visitors engaged and improves SEO. Here are some ways to boost your site speed:

Optimize Images: Compress images without losing quality.

Minify CSS and JavaScript: Remove unnecessary code.

Enable Browser Caching: Store static files locally to reduce load times.

Use a Content Delivery Network (CDN): Distribute content globally to speed up delivery.

Use tools like Google PageSpeed Insights to check your site speed. Make necessary adjustments based on the recommendations.

Ensuring Mobile-friendliness

Most users access websites on mobile devices. Ensure your site is mobile-friendly to rank higher on Google. Follow these steps:

Responsive Design: Use a layout that adapts to any screen size.

Readable Text: Ensure fonts are legible without zooming.

Easy Navigation: Make buttons and links easy to click.

Avoid Flash: Use HTML5 for multimedia content.

Test your site’s mobile-friendliness using the Google Mobile-Friendly Test. Make improvements based on the results.

>> My Best Recommended & Proven Way to Make $100 Daily — Watch THIS Video FREE Training to START >>

Building Authority With Backlinks

Building authority with backlinks is crucial for ranking a brand-new website on Google. Backlinks act as votes of confidence from other websites. They signal to Google that your site provides valuable content. High-quality backlinks can boost your site’s visibility and credibility. Let’s explore some effective strategies to build backlinks.

Guest Posting On Relevant Blogs

Guest posting is a powerful way to earn backlinks. Write high-quality articles for reputable blogs in your niche. Ensure the content is valuable and relevant to their audience. Add a link back to your website within the content or author bio.

Follow these steps for successful guest posting:

Identify blogs that accept guest posts.

Analyze their content to understand their audience.

Pitch unique and engaging topics to the blog owner.

Write and submit the post according to their guidelines.

Guest posting not only provides backlinks but also exposes your brand to a wider audience.

Leveraging Social Media For Link Building

Social media platforms can be a goldmine for backlinks. Share your content on platforms like Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Instagram. Encourage your followers to share your posts. This increases the chances of getting backlinks from other websites.

Here are some tips for effective social media link building:

Create engaging and shareable content.

Use relevant hashtags to reach a broader audience.

Engage with influencers and ask them to share your content.

Join and participate in niche-specific groups and communities.

Social media can amplify your reach and bring in organic backlinks. Consistent engagement on these platforms builds a loyal audience and enhances your site’s authority.

StrategyAction StepsGuest PostingIdentify blogs, pitch topics, write articles, get backlinks.Social MediaShare content, use hashtags, engage with influencers, join groups.

Monitoring Progress And Adjusting Strategy

Monitoring your website’s progress and adjusting your strategy is crucial for achieving a high rank on Google quickly. This ensures you are on the right path and can make necessary changes to keep improving. Below, we delve into the essential aspects of monitoring and adapting your strategy for optimal performance.

Using Analytics To Track Performance

Use tools like Google Analytics to track your website’s performance. These tools offer insights into your site’s traffic, user behavior, and other vital metrics. Here are some key metrics to monitor:

Page Views: Check which pages get the most visits.

Bounce Rate: Monitor the percentage of visitors who leave your site quickly.

Average Session Duration: Track how long visitors stay on your site.

Conversion Rate: Measure how many visitors take the desired action.

Regularly reviewing these metrics helps identify what works and what needs improvement. This enables you to make informed decisions to enhance your site’s performance.

Adapting To Algorithm Updates

Google frequently updates its search algorithm, affecting website rankings. Staying updated with these changes is vital. Here’s how to adapt:

Follow SEO News: Keep an eye on SEO news websites and forums.

Update Content: Refresh your content to align with new guidelines.

Check Website Health: Use tools to ensure your site meets current SEO standards.

Optimize Mobile Experience: Ensure your site is mobile-friendly, as mobile-first indexing is crucial.

Being proactive and adapting to changes swiftly helps maintain or improve your ranking. This ensures your website remains competitive in search results.

Credit: www.customlegalmarketing.com

Frequently Asked Questions

How Long Does It Take For A New Website To Rank In Google?

It typically takes 3 to 6 months for a new website to rank on Google. Results may vary based on competition and SEO efforts. Consistent optimization and quality content are essential.

How To Rank A New Website Fast?

Optimize your website for SEO. Use relevant keywords, create quality content, and build backlinks. Improve site speed and mobile-friendliness. Engage on social media and monitor performance regularly.

How To Rank In Google With A New Website?

Optimize your website with relevant keywords. Create high-quality, engaging content. Build backlinks from reputable sites. Ensure fast loading speeds. Use mobile-friendly design.

Why Does It Take So Long To Rank On Google?

Ranking on Google takes time due to competition, quality content requirements, and algorithm updates. Patience and consistent SEO efforts are crucial.

How To Rank A New Website Fast?

Optimize on-page SEO, create quality content, and build backlinks. Use social media and submit your site to search engines.

Conclusion

Achieving a high Google ranking for your new website is possible with the right strategies. Focus on quality content, effective SEO techniques, and consistent updates. Patience and persistence are key. Implement these tips, and your site can quickly gain visibility and attract more visitors. Success is within your reach.

>> My Best Recommended & Proven Way to Make $100 Daily — Watch THIS Video FREE Training to START >>

Thanks for reading my article on “How Can You Rank Your Brand-New Website on Google in a Few Days Quick Wins”, hope it will help!

Affiliate Disclaimer :

This article Contain may be affiliate links, which means I receive a small commission at NO ADDITIONAL cost to you if you decide to purchase something. While we receive affiliate compensation for reviews / promotions on this article, we always offer honest opinions, users experiences and real views related to the product or service itself. Our goal is to help readers make the best purchasing decisions, however, the testimonies and opinions expressed are ours only. As always you should do your own thoughts to verify any claims, results and stats before making any kind of purchase. Clicking links or purchasing products recommended in this article may generate income for this product from affiliate commissions and you should assume we are compensated for any purchases you make. We review products and services you might find interesting. If you purchase them, we might get a share of the commission from the sale from our partners. This does not drive our decision as to whether or not a product is featured or recommended.

Source : How Can You Rank Your Brand-New Website on Google in a Few Days Quick Wins

[carionto]

Humans are Loud

Most cultural exchange is done formally through official channels.

No matter how advanced a civilization you are, when meeting a whole new species, they are fundamentally alien to you in ways that need to be handled carefully and introduced to gradually, or you risk creating a bad first impression, or worse - incite conflict over something that is trivial to one side, but a grave taboo to the other.

However, once you have done preliminary work and both sides have emissaries and ambassadors stationed with each other, it becomes easier and more appropriate to learn about one another through unofficial means. Without curation.

And the most effective method, though legally dubious, is to disguise yourself as one of them and go to some places of public gathering.

Kol Rathar, from the bipedal Jorval race, wanted to experience what a day in the life of a regular Human was. So they picked a random population center on the Earth, engaged their personal disguise kit, tucked in some documents that explain who they are and the legality of their actions should they be discovered, and landed in the city of Neljaes-Helsinki.

It's the dead of winter, a bone chilling -1 degrees Celsius, Kol Rathar immediately turns up their life support to max and heads for the nearest public space. They enter what's called a "bar", take a seat, and order a beer. So as to not arouse suspicion, they "drink" the poison like a Human would, but there is a filter between the mouth on the hardlight holographic disguise and Kol Rathar's that detoxifies the alcohol and turns it into potable water. It still reeks and is hard to swallow, but it won't kill them.

They engage in general banter with some other patrons - Humans tend to dislike quiet in public spaces and often find it odd or unnerving. Universal topics like the weather, traffic, Mondays (most civilizations have an equivalent), and how everything is more expensive again (also a common occurrence across the Galaxy).

Then one of the patrons shouts to "Turn it up!" and the bartender raises the volume of the broadcast receiver to where Kol Rathar almost jumped from the shock, but thankfully the noise suppression kicked in just in time. it displayed a competitive engagement between two teams of Humans in heavily padded suits and helmets, wielding curved sticks and trying to push a small black object into the opposing net.

It did not take long for an act of violence to happen. One participant slammed their gloved fists into another, they retaliated, then a third assaulted the first, another three came out of nowhere and in seconds it was an incoherent pile of bodies slamming into each other, helmets flying off, the safety barriers were constantly vibrating, and it took a whole minute before the referees could dismantle the armageddon.

Kol Rathar thought this was the end of the game, something had gone horribly wrong, but before they could think further, they noticed everyone else in the bar was acting normal, most were looking at the altercation, but their behavior seemed... normal. Like this act of violence was common, expected even. Kol Rathar decided to maintain their cover and continue observing. They still couldn't believe that the competition was resuming after that.

Several minutes passed without another incident, the players of this "hockey" game were all very agile and adept at manipulating the small puck with their hockey sticks. WHILE SKATING ON ICE WITH THIN PIECES OF METAL ON THEIR FEET!

Kol Rathar had not even registered that fact earlier due to the "excitement" and was now awed by the sheer level of mastery and multitasking these players displayed.

Then one team finally scored a goal and Kol Rathar lost consciousness.

When they came to, they were in a hospital bed of the local Coalition embassy building being treated for shock and residual toxin exposure. The dense Human atmosphere saturated with bar patron activities will eventually overwhelm most low to medium threshold filtration systems that disguise kits come standard with.

The medic explained that there are very valid reasons for the strict requirements of Aliens visiting Human environments, and it's not a result of bureaucratic meddling over millennia as is with some other Coalition members. Nobody wants to read five hundred pages of anything, they get that, but Kol Rathar was lucky the Humans at the bar had mostly only recently arrived for the game and were not as intoxicated as they became after they were taken by the ER.

Kol Rathar's experience has been added to the guide for visiting Humans, which has recently been renamed to:

"Don't, but if you have to READ EVERYTHING HERE. There's an embedded audio book too. We know it's thirty hours long, but you will DIE if you don't listen to us!"

[iho6hi2]

Infrunami.

Type: Oneshot

Pairing: Matsuno Karamatsu/F! Reader

Summary: Getting kisses from a hot lady? Karamatsu would love that. Almost getting ran over by a hot lady? Not exactly on his bucket list, but Karamatsu checks it regardless.

Warnings: Near Death Experiences, Fluff, Attempt at Humor, Light Angst, Drinking, Getting to Know Each Other, Feel-Good, Ridiculous

Word Count: 8,037

A/N: MY HOMESLICE 🧀🧀 Karamatsu deserves someone he can be a flop with T__T BTW Im so insecure about this so pls either give me a 10 page essay on why this sucked or one 'this was cool Lol' otherwise ill kms

Karamatsu ambles near the bridge, his usual hotspot for courting women in this cruel game life likes to call love; or more accurately the place where he stands still like a traffic sign with the hopes of someone giving him the time of day for once (huge spoiler alert: nobody does, as expected).

He chuckles, feigning smug amusement as he runs a hand through his hair in one smooth motion. "The stars must not favor me today, for all of my Karamatsu girls are nowhere to be seen. Heh, if that is the fate of a sinful man, I shall accept it and retreat with peace.''

The looks passersby shoot him border on mentally perturbed and downright horrified, because who the hell monologues atrocities like these out loud? Without being under the influence of something, nonetheless.

With that declaration out of the way, Karamatsu straightens up and decides to head home for the day, deeming it appropriate. What with his love endeavors turning out to be unsuccessful once again, also to no one's big surprise really.

On his way home, whenever the opportunity presents itself, he stops to window-shop every time he passes by a fashion boutique and admires clothes his broke bum probably couldn't afford.

Of course, he attempts not to appear interested, and instead only crosses his arms critically and gives the mannequins clad in clothing the stink eye (even if he's wearing shades of all things) while the workers glance at him warily through the window.

Before another demented sentence is said, suddenly all chaos breaks loose and there are people yelling and instantly he's all too aware of the motorcycle nearing him with each passing second. Karamatsu shrieks so loud he's sure everyone from the next town over had heard him.

"Get out of the way!" The biker shouts and waves a hand to the side for emphasis, and he feels like a fly being swatted away, but even if Karamatsu wanted to move it's almost as if his legs are rooted to the ground.

A wave of panic washes over him and strangely enough there was still enough time for dread to settle in the depths of his stomach. Even if it may be cliché, his life does end up flashing before his eyes － and it's just plain sad how fucking boring it is.

"Get out of the way," you repeat, though you sound more adamant, your tone coated with a sense of urgency.

Ahhh, Mommy! I'll die a virgin, I'll die a loser! Karamatsu cries in his mind. If I survive, I'll get a job, I swear! I'll even stop talking in English, just please! He pleads mentally, to whom is unknown.

Suddenly, you remember that brakes exist and you swerve with such mastery you weren't even aware you possessed up until now, coming to an abrupt stop right in front of your spared victim, tires screeching harshly against the pavement. Karamatsu deadpans, God had a real sense of humor.

He's still frozen in place, barely containing the natural instinct to piss himself. Though he's also pretty sure the urge to urinate will hit him like a shit ton of bricks post-shock.

Fortunately, he's not Ichimatsu and so he doesn't shit himself in front of the cute girl getting off of the motorcycle, even if she barely missed out on becoming his murderer.

You approach him cautiously, expecting the berating of a lifetime. Though judging by his state － him shaking like a leaf despite his thick leather jacket, also not to mention the buckets worth of sweat rolling off him －, you doubt you'll get an earful.

"Are you okay?'' Obviously, he's not. ''You're not hurt or anything, right?''

Karamatsu shakes his head timidly despite not even listening to a word you said. Then, he gulps and raises a trembling hand to his face, lowering his sunglasses just a smidge to take a good peek at you. ''H-Heh, you have, um, nothing to worry about my dear Karamatsu girl..."

You do your best to smile at him in response, but the need to physically recoil is understandably strong. ''Oh, uh, that's good to hear. I'm sorry for, you know, almost killing you and giving you a fright... It happens a lot for some reason.''

You need to get your license revoked, Karamatsu's eye twitches but he smirks regardless, willing to disregard everything that had occurred just because you were one hot lady. Plus, he is a gentleman, if nothing else.

''As if! You have no reason to fret, mon amour. The thrill of living or dying, chasing that high is what makes or breaks a man! Such a thing couldn't possibly scare me."

''Are you sure? 'Cause I'm certain I heard you scream,'' you grin with more teeth than you should. It'd be such a pleasure to knock him down a couple of notches, you think.

''T-T-That was most definitely not a scream, my darling, I assure you! It was but a noise of excitement at the divine gamble, ahahaha, that's all!'' Karamatsu stutters, stumbling over his words.

You blink, positively unimpressed. "You were excited to get ran over?"

After that, an uncomfortable silence stretches between the two of you. You're pulled into reality by the fact that just about anyone could see your number plate, so it was time to leave and flee the supposed crime scene. You're not getting fined for this, hell no. If anything, you're the one who's in desperate need of reparations after this degenerate conversation.

You mount your motorcycle again and look at him with an almost impish smile, ''You have weird tastes, man." And with that last comment, you're gone in the same breath, leaving behind only a cartoonish dust cloud.

Karamatsu's legs give out and he collapses, falling to his knees. Nobody helps him up.

★

Karamatsu doesn't really visit clubs often. Going by himself makes him feel strangely out of place, going with his brothers makes him feel like a circus attraction, though it's not like it has ever bothered him before.

He would usually lie through his teeth and strive to come off as unbothered and remarkably experienced; a well-seasoned veteran among premature ejaculators, but crowded places like these aren't his scene, at all. Never really have been in the first place.

Perhaps that's why he thinks he doesn't belong here as he observes the rest of the partygoers live it up on the dancefloor while babysitting his beer, one sip at a time.

The music isn't even good, Karamatsu frowns and pinches his eyebrows together, deep in thought. Man, did this place fucking suck. How much did they have to cough up in order for others to rate it a 4-star club?

Well, he supposes it doesn't really matter in the end. As long as the booze's good, that's all he needs to forget this horrible day. A 'nice' hangover is all it takes to wipe his memories clean, which isn't much to brag about.

''Oh, it's you!'' Someone exclaims and he whips his head forward before spitting out his alcohol. What are the odds? You point at him, just as shocked as him at this turn of events, ''Mr. Painful!''

Karamatsu chuckles, raising his glass full of beer as a greeting. ''Madame. Charmed to see you here.''

You roll your eyes but that doesn't hinder you from grinning back at him, ''Oh, the pleasure is all mine, trust me.''

''I would hope so. What are the chances of our paths crossing once more? It leads me to believe that this is no chance encounter. Hmph, why it must be fate.'' Karamatsu blabbers on, implementing wild gestures into his dialogue, takes his sunglasses off and his eyes shine with what you presume is a romantic glint.

You cough a little and wipe the bar clean with a towel, ''Yeah, no. I just work here.''

''The universe works in mysterious ways.''

You laugh. ''Whatever helps you sleep at night, buddy.'' Then, you pat the back of his hand twice. You watch him jump up in surprise and tilt your head to the side, confused.

Karamatsu clutches his hand to his chest, but realizes how fucking ridiculous he must look and simply clears his throat with that same proud expression.

You squint your eyes. ''You're not sick, are you?''

Karamatsu hurries to shake his head, which did nothing but give him a sense of déjà vu. ''N-Non, non! Don't worry your pretty little head over my health, angel. I'm nothing else if not alright, haha.''

You narrow your eyes at him further.

His hands are bundled over his crotch and he has one leg crossed over the other and if Twitter had taught you anything useful at all, it would mean that these are early signs of cock shame. And all of his prior mannerisms, could it be that he is... ''A virgin?''

You did not mean to say that out loud.

Karamatsu's face turns blank for a brief second before he's flapping his hands left and right in firm denial. His face is flushed, panicked, and you swear he's on the brink of tears.

When you said that you wanted to knock him off his high horse, this wasn't what you had in mind, at least not exactly. As a matter of fact, you feel sort of bad for the poor guy.

''Hahaha... What are you talking about, my Karamatsu girl? You should be able to tell by now that a man like me is sought after, which is one of the many punishments I must endure!'' He announces, posing with his index and thumb on his chin, a shaky smile slapped on his sweaty face.

You blink, then prop your elbows on the front bar, lean in and ask, ''And in reality?''

Karamatsu sits back down in his stool, then promptly downs the rest of his beer. ''A jobless virgin who lives in his parents' house.''

You register the somber look in his eyes. You sigh under your breath and open up the fridge, pulling out the same brand of beer he had been drinking until now and pass the bottle to him casually.

Karamatsu looks up at you in disbelief, glancing between you and the bottle of beer frantically. You flick his forehead, ''Drink up, it's on the house just this once.''

Karamatsu stiffens and then smiles gently, rubbing his wet eyes with the sleeve of his jacket, snivelling. ''Thank you, my Karamatsu girl!''

You cross your arms and huff, ''It's [Name]. And besides, I almost ran you over earlier today, it's the least I can do for you.''

''Thank you, [Name].'' Karamatsu parrots himself and happily takes a swig of his new, freshly refilled drink.

You watch him out of the corner of your eye while serving other customers. When a majority of the people disperse, leaving the two of you mostly alone again, you quickly scribble down your number on a napkin.

''Here,'' you call out to him as you hand him the piece of paper. When he shoots you a curious look, you redirect your attention elsewhere in mock embarrassment. ''You seem like fun, let's drink together for realsies next time. My treat.''

Karamatsu gasps, screaming like a banshee with a voice mutation and you think he emotes a strange, outdated gag while leaping ten feet in the air.

His head hits the ceiling but he comes back down just as quick, blood dripping down his face. Planks come crashing down on top of him, somehow on fire, and you clench your jaw. This will definitely be deducted from your paycheck.

★

Karamatsu wakes up, but he doesn't remember how or when he got home.

He ruffles his hair, only to find his broken shades and several bandages wrapped around his head. He attempts to jog his memory and yet the only thing he's able to recall is slamming face-first into a roof and... And...

He sits up and Olympic dives straight into the couch, barbarically searching for that blessed piece of paper which could very well change the entire trajectory of his life.

When he pulls it out of his leather jacket's pocket, he breathes heavily and fakes a falsetto, opting to roll around on the floor in some sort of wild frenzy.

This is it. I'm finally presented with an opportunity to abandon my virgin ways, Karamatsu thinks with a serious expression, shadows covering his eyes dramatically.

He raises a lone victorious fist in the air, cutting through the Matrix itself. Then, Karamatsu gulps and surveys the area, noticing that the living room is empty, which can only mean one thing. Now is the perfect time to plan a romantic rendezvous with you.

Tip-toeing his way to the hall where the landline is located, Karamatsu muttered curse words whenever the floorboards creaked under his weight.

When he reaches the house phone, he gently unfolds the napkin and smoothes out the wrinkles, then sucks in a deep breath and forces his balls to turn into pure steel.

Dialing your number with practiced caution, he bites his nails and anxiously taps his foot. The longer he waits for you to pick up, the more he loses hope.

Just as he was about to hang up and snap back to his miserable reality, maybe cry for an hour or two, your voice croaks out a, ''Hello, who is this? I can hear you breathing, creep. Helloooo?''

''A-Ah, [Name]! This is, uh, Karamatsu.'' He stutters and twirls his hair around his finger. ''I was pondering over the possibility of us taking a stroll together, bathing in the sun and sharing masterful pastries－"

''A date. You want us to go on a date.''

''Yes,'' Karamatsu admits, or rather embraces the simplified idea of it all. ''It's okay if you don't want to, of course, m'lady! I-I wouldn't force you or anything, it's entirely up to you.''

You pinch your nose on the other line, ''Karamatsu, shut up, 'kay? Yes, I wanna go on a date with you, otherwise I wouldn't have paid for your broke ass last night. Now give me a time and place.''

''You do? You actually want to willingly hang out with me?'' He questions and you can practically smell his meekness and self-doubt oozing out of him even through the phone.

''You're the one who hit up my line first, no takebacks hotshot.'' You say, half-joking.

''Why, yes of course. As expected of my favourite Karamatsu girl!'' My only Karamatsu girl up-to-date. ''Obviously, you desire to spend every waking moment together with me, just as much as I do.''

''Time and place, please and thank you.'' You cut him off mid-effusion.

After arranging the date and going over the details, Karamatsu giddily spins and hugs himself. Then, he slaps his face and nods to no one in particular, as a form of confirmation to his invisible hype men.

Choromatsu stares at him judgementally from the stairway, face twisted in its usual sociopathic manner.

Osomatsu leans over in order to whisper in his ear, "What's up with him? He's acting weirder than usual."

Choromatsu scowls. "I don't wanna know, besides if we show interest that means we're going to have to put up with him."

Osomatsu nods in agreement and rubs under his nose with a finger, "True. It's way too damn early for his theatrics." Then, he throws in his assholish laugh for good measure.

The two of them choose to close their eyes and pretend this never happened in the first place, trudging up the stairs and going right back into their shared room without a care in the world.

★

You check the time and grimace. He's awfully late for someone who asked you out first. You wouldn't say you're the most punctual person in the world, but even still you decided to get all dolled up and ended up arriving early for a change of pace.

At first, you didn't mind waiting for him. Life happens after all, right? Maybe something came up last minute and he couldn't put it off, but if that were the case he would have informed you beforehand, right? Right?

You feel as though you're a step closer to becoming a wacko, but suddenly shake your head to rid your mind of such thoughts and smile to yourself. He'll show up, you're sure of it.

But after thirty more minutes of this nonsense, you're on the verge of throwing a tantrum and disrupting the public tranquility because you got stood up. What a fucking jerk, you think and puff out your cheeks.

Just as you're about to leave, maybe actually run someone over and kill them to make yourself feel better and perhaps blow all of your money on cheap gigolos, you stop and widen your eyes at the sight that greets you.

There's no mistaking those sequinned pants and shiny cowboy boots. Your date, with his wounds all gone and miraculously healed, saunters over to you like he's a runway model, catwalking with a bit of an attitude as if he didn't keep you waiting for half an hour.

He halts when there's barely any distance between the two of you, takes off his shades and flashes you his pearly whites which emit an ominous sparkle and you're temporarily rendered blind. ''Sorry for the wait.''

You grind your teeth together and force yourself to grin, ''Don't worry about it, but what took you so long.''

Karamatsu nervously chuckles and glances to the side, looking anywhere but you.

How the hell is he supposed to tell you that he spent most of the time hiding and sneaking peeks in your direction, but simply didn't have enough courage to approach you and that it took him at least twenty minutes to muster it? Simple, he won't tell you.

Instead, he strikes a pose under the nonexistent limelight. ''A star like me is obligated to be fashionably late.''

''Well, the star better make sure it doesn't happen again or it'll be one sad day for your fanbase,'' you threaten with an innocent smile, batting your eyelashes.

Karamatsu gulps and nods, but an invisible light bulb turns on above his head and he snaps his fingers. ''Oh, yes! How can I forget? I got a present for you, my Karamatsu girl."

You 'ooh' and 'aah' in curiosity, while he retrieves whatever he brought along with him in the meantime.

When he pulls out a tank top with his face on it, the exact same one he's wearing as well, you don't know what to say in response. In fact, your brain might actually be buffering.

Have we lost the impact of shame in our modern-day society? You think in disdain, fighting off the pain in your ribs.

He blushes and hands it to you nonchalantly, ''Here, wear this so suitors know not to mess with you. Once they see you and I together, matching garments and walking hand in hand, they shall understand who the one true power couple is.''

You blink twice and slowly accept the gift, then without any hesitation whatsoever you put on the tank top and wear it over your clothes. You're in too deep already, anyway.

''Thanks a lot, Karamatsu. I, uh, don't know what to say,'' you fake flattery at his sincere act of courtesy, though you're not necessarily lying either. You genuinely have no idea what to say to this entire ordeal.

''No need to thank me, sunshine.'' He pirouettes in slow motion and when he stops, he stretches his hand out for you to take. There is an aura surrounding you and you can make out dreamy bubbles floating around him. And where did the harp come from? ''Now allow me to whisk you off to paradise.''

You grab his hand and excitedly lead him to your parked motorcycle. ''Great, let's go!'' You pat the pillion and stare at him expectantly.

Upon noticing his silence, you stop ushering him to the seat. ''What's wrong, Karamatsu?''

He scratches his nape and lets his head droop low. ''Is it... Um, do we have to get on top of that...'' He points a weak finger at the bike and trembles. What can he say, he has a fear of motorbikes now.

You pout at his inquiry. ''What, you don't wanna? But I thought you were into stuff like this. Why else would you wear a leather jacket?''

Karamatsu winces and immediately rushes to pacify you. ''No, no! That's not it! I was testing your limits, my dear Karamatsu girl. I apologize if－''

You laugh and place a hand on his shoulder, rubbing it soothingly. ''I was just kidding, but if you're really scared we don't have to. It's my fault, after all.''

Karamatsu juts his lip and furrows his eyebrows in determination. He draws a breath and wraps his fingers around your wrist with ease, advancing towards the vehicle with you right behind him.

You gaze at him with something akin to awe, or is it incredulity? He plants himself on the seat and looks back to address you.

''A real man knows better than to turn down a lady and disappoint her,'' he states conclusively. You chuckle and follow suit, sitting down on the saddle.

You grip his arms and move them so they're wrapped around your waist. You twist and turn the key and the engine roars to life in one swoop. ''Hold on tight, [Name] boy.'' You tease his way of talking and take off without a second warning.

His head smacks against your back with a rather rough thud and Karamatsu's clasp around your midsection is already tight enough to cut off your air supply. And even if you feel his tears dampening your clothes, you don't comment on it. Instead, you pick up even more speed and in turn, Karamatsu's hug deepens.

''Shouldn't we be wearing safety helmets,'' Karamatsu yells through the lump in his throat, his ears ringing and head spinning.

You shout back at him, ''Who even wears these things nowadays?'' At the lack of your elaboration, he figures you're dead serious and he's petrified all over again.

You laugh maniacally, or at least you do so in his mind, as you go off course, making sharp turns left and right at every corner to wreak havoc on innocent people's lives.

You narrowly dodge two pedestrians and Karamatsu is finally desensitized enough to smile and blush as he takes in the ever-changing view.

There's something sweet in the way you repeat a certain motion whenever you hear him chuckle and cheer, he can't pinpoint if that's the starving desperation that thirsts for touch and companionship or something else entirely.

But then something punctures your tire and he's pulled out of dreamland all at once.

The two of you wobble on the unstable bike for a bit before you pull him by the jacket and jump off the motorcycle, rolling on the ground like you two were in an action movie. The motorcycle continues on its way without your guidance and eventually crashes into a tree, exploding.

A tire with a flame on it flies over your heads and you study the fire, unimpressed with pursed lips. ''Thank god it was a gift from my ex, otherwise I would've been in some deep shit.''

Karamatsu sinks to the ground and curls up in a ball.

★

You plop your ass on the grass next to Karamatsu, handing him a soda you bought from the convenience store nearby. Karamatsu mutters a small 'thank you' and takes a sip.

The two of you sit in complete silence on the riverbank and you're too abashed to begin talking first, finding the whole outcome to be your fault. You've given this man too many apologies for them to feel truthful at this point. Maybe he should do the most logical thing and start evading you. You deserve it.

Amidst your inner conflict, Karamatsu fixes you with a solemn look and chooses to break the ice. ''[Name], am I ugly?''

Taken aback by the unusual question, you cock your head to the side. ''Huh?''

''Tell me, am I ugly?''

You consider him for a moment longer and then gently cup his face with your hands, inspecting it from every possible angle you could manage.

You narrow your eyes in concentration before ruffling his hair. ''Not at all.''

''Really?''

''Not in the slightest. Well, at least I see the appeal." You shrug noncommittally. ''Why're you asking, though? That pretty much came out of nowhere.''

''Because if I'm not ugly, then why would you want to kill me? Every woman I meet either ignores me, beats me half to death or hates me. Why? Am I really that painful? Is that going to be my fate for the entirety of my life?''

You blink and hum in thought, placing a finger on your chin. ''Very, you're real painful but not enough for me to want to kill you, I guess. I think you just have extremely bad luck.''

Karamatsu frowns and crosses his arms, ''You think so? Is it really just bad luck or is there something bigger at play?''

The two of you ponder over what the real cause of Karamatsu's misfortune may be before your stomachs growl in protest simultaneously.

This seems to revive his alter ego because Karamatsu jolts and he appears pleased, almost as if he had been waiting for this exact same moment. He chuckles and spreads eagle, facing the sun. You're concerned he's going to get a heat stroke.

''It's finally my turn,'' Karamatsu announces, though you're not sure he knows what he's talking about. ''I shall take the princess to an exquisite place, where she can try real fine dining!''

He strokes his imaginary facial hair, winking. Even his eyebrows seem more refined. ''Follow my lead, dove.'' You were going to do just that even without him saying anything, but you salute him regardless.

Even though mere minutes ago it was still sunny, for some reason it's already dark out. You and Karamatsu trek for what must have felt like hours until he stops dead in his tracks. You wonder why until you spot the lonely food stall and smile.

You and Karamatsu make yourselves comfortable on the bench and he greets the owner, ''Yo, Chibita! How's your night been so far?''

It just turned nighttime... You deadpan.

''Y'know, dealing with jackasses of your kind－,'' Chibita scoffs before pausing, turning to you with unblinking eyes. Then, after he's done assessing you, he redirects his attention to Karamatsu. ''You payin' for rental girlfriends again? Get some dignity, man.''

You raise an eyebrow in question, but sneer and hide it with your fist. ''Rental girlfriend? That's a good idea, why didn't I think of that?''

Karamatsu's expression sours. ''[Name] isn't a rental. Besides who are you to talk, Chibimi?''

''Shut up, don't remind me! I was in a dark place, idjit,'' Chibita yells in response and smacks him on the head with a ladle and you watch their antics with a hint of amusement.

''Anyway,'' Karamatsu waves him off, despite the large bump he earned on his forehead. ''Give us the best oden and beer you've got in store, I'll make sure my woman eats right tonight.''

You shudder in surprise as Karamatsu takes your hand into his own, gazing at you with what must be an entire galaxy in his eyes and you wonder where he found those E.T. contact lenses. ''Don't hold back, order whatever your heart desires. It's all on me.''

Chibita complies with the request, serving two portions of oden and the beverages Karamatsu asked for. Though, he can't help but want to sate his curiosity. ''With what money?''

''With the money I exploited from my Mommy,'' Karamatsu boasts like that's something to take immense pride in.

After three to four rounds of drinking and pigging out on Chibita's oden, it was time to wrap up and call it a night.

Karamatsu snakes his hands in his pockets in search of the money he claimed to have, but he freezes as he finds nothing instead. Turning his pockets inside out, a fly flutters out of them and Karamatsu pales.

You seem to get the memo and nod conspiratorially his way.

You square your shoulders as Karamatsu nervously clears his throat. ''Chibita...,'' he begins before throwing you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. ''I'm so sorry, I'll pay you back someday!''

Chibita stands still for a couple of seconds, processing. Afterwards, he lunges over the counter and begins chasing you. ''Damn it, idjit! You promised you'd pay, get back here! Damn it!''

With Chibita hot on your heels, Karamatsu goes through several alleyways as last resort shortcuts, and you come to the conclusion that Chibita is probably really scary if Karamatsu's going through so much trouble just to lose him and shake him off your trail.

"You can put me down now," you grumble and make a face. Karamatsu panics, just now realizing what predicament he had put you in, and sets you down with extra care.

"I apologize for that," he huffs out, attempting to catch his breath with his hands on his knees. You rub his back, acting as his emotional support.

Looking around the vicinity in search for any signs of Chibita, you come up empty. Helping Karamatsu to his feet, you deliver the good news. "He's gone, so you can stop looking constipated."

He sighs, relieved. "Such is the result of an eventful night. However, I will make sure your journey back home is undisturbed."

You shake your head in disagreement and throw an arm around his shoulder. "I think you've had enough, tough guy. Here, how about I take you home?"

Karamatsu seems distraught at the very idea of it, but for your sake he flips his hair and leers. "Your wish is my command."

With his directions, you manage to escort him back to his house safe and sound. Karamatsu opens his mouth to blurt out something, but is caught off guard by the abrupt change in the weather.

You both run with impressive speed under his house's roof to take cover and you deduct that the rain wouldn't be letting up for a while.

"Well, this sucks," you point out the obvious. Karamatsu nods wordlessly.

You think about calling a taxi, but something gets draped over you. You look down and are pleasantly astonished to discover that it's Karamatsu's leather jacket.

Said man is quivering in his flimsy excuse of a tank top, licentiously grinning at you with a very obvious snot bubble emerging out of his nostrils. "C-C-Can't le-let my favorite Karamatsu girl catch a cold." He elaborates for whatever reason.

"Well, I can't keep my favorite [Name] boy out for much longer, either." You give him a brief hug and were about to pull away, but Karamatsu is apparently not done dishing out surprises.

He grips your shoulders with resolve, before leaning in and kissing you on the cheek. It's a quick, demure kiss and if you were to blink, you would've missed it.

Nonplussed by his own boldness, Karamatsu stumbles towards the door with two left feet, barely succeeding in opening it.

"Get back home safely, [Name]!" He bids you farewell in true virgin fashion and slams the door shut in your face. You cackle, violently laughing to yourself and then crack a small smile, pressing a palm to your kissed cheek.

You must look like a fool, standing out in the rain while wearing a loser's clothes, but honestly? You've never felt better after such a tragic date.

★

You sigh and sling a towel over your shoulder, more than a little happy to finally clock out. Tonight had been particularly busy for some reason and working with a slight hangover was far from ideal, but it wasn't something you couldn't handle.

You dab your fellow bartender up, not even bothering to spare him a glance, and begin packing up your things with fervor.

He issues you a sly wink, ''Going home so soon, [Last Name]?''

Get a clue, wise guy. You internally roll your eyes, but only offer an exhausted smile. ''Not necessarily, got to make a pit stop on the way home.''

Akihito, you remember, folds his hands behind his head, rocking on his heels. ''Paying your boyfriend a visit?'' He hums cheekily.

You blink. ''Huh?''

He gestures towards the paper bag in your hands, which barely concealed the shitty leather jacket you were so generously lent.

You furrow your brows and scratch your cheek with an awkward expression. ''Wouldn't really call him a boyfriend...''

Akihito stretches, whining, ''You can be so cold, y'know. I feel sorry for the poor guy.''

''Another word and I'll really make you sorry.''

Akihito throws up a peace sign, grinning from ear to ear. ''Night, [Last Name]!''

You grumble under your breath and throw the towel on the ground. Akihito hears you say something along the lines of 'thought so' and other such death threats, but he feeds off your negativism. He odiosynthesizes and you know that, which makes you feel better about brushing him off, at least.

The walk to Karamatsu's place is as unmemorable as can be, and while it wouldn't kill you to see him again and chat for a bit, you don't think you'd be able to put up with him for long (or anyone else for that matter). When you spot his house, you brace yourself before sharply knocking on the door.

Well, you were supposed to knock but somehow developing last-minute Spidey senses, Karamatsu tears open the door to his balcony and puts a stop to your supposedly evil schemes. ''Don't'!'' He manages to both whisper and scream at the same time.

''What are you doing here at this hour, angel? Trying to get me crucified, perhaps?'' Karamatsu interrogates you and considering how disheveled his appearance is, you reach the conclusion that his fictional persona is merely an afterthought at the moment. You find a peace of mind at the conjecture.

''I'm just here to return your jacket,'' you say like it was obvious, which it should have been.

''I see.'' He doesn't see jackshit. ''But I cannot help but wonder why you didn't call beforehand. I, too, need my fair share of beauty sleep, sweetheart.''

Your eye twitches and you ball your fists, but remember to count to ten in your head.

''For your information, I called three times but maybe if someone bothered to pick up, I wouldn't be robbing you of your sweet dreams,'' you hiss in reply, proud of yourself for not chucking his damned jacket in the trash can in his presence.

Karamatsu rubs the crust from his eyes, though he does appear sheepish to a degree. ''My sincere apologies.''

You scoff, glad to have come out on top at this pointless back-and-forth.

Karamatsu anxiously chews on his lower lip, trying his best to conjure up a plan that will avoid his certain death at the hands of his brothers. Not even for waking them up at three in the morning, but for the mere fact that he was 'romancing' a hot chick.

Then he grins and looks down at you like a mad genius. He couldn't be further from the word.

''Climb up and join me on the roof, [Name],'' he suggests and acts as if it was a perfectly reasonable demand.

You undeliberately blank out for a second before chuckling lowly and nodding in understanding. ''I get it now. You're actually fucking nuts and escaped from a correctional facility.''

Look who's talking, Karamatsu wants to retort but he keeps it to himself. He beckons you over encouragingly, ''Please, [Name] dearest. I promise I won't let anything happen to you. I'll be your guardian angel.''

You're acutely aware that something will definitely happen, so you only click your tongue, still apprehensive about the proposition.

Karamatsu continues to stare at you with that tender smile, though it's different this time. His hair is sticking out in different directions, ungroomed. His eyes are heavy, bloodshot and sleep still clings to him as he staggers slightly in his step. But he's smiling at you, it's real.

You put aside your concerns for now and exhale slowly, biting the handles of your paper bag.

You jump and grab a hold of the portico, flailing your legs to help stabilize yourself. Your fingers burn because this is the most physically exerting thing you've done in your life thus far.

You push yourself up on the portico and, just like a mollusk, inch forward bit by bit. Karamatsu tries his hardest not to laugh at your misery, but he's unable to take you seriously. You're moving slower than an old man with two broken legs, plus you look like you have a stick shoved up your ass.

Once you're a safe distance away from the edge, you extend your arms and Karamatsu takes this as his cue to act and be useful.

He grabs your hands and hauls you up on the balcony, but this quest is not over just yet. You have to conquer the final boss; the rooftop.

''I have an idea,'' you both blurt out at random. You don't care much about that, but Karamatsu is over the moon at the perfect synchronization.

Coincidence or not, the two of you end up cooking up the same strategy.

You get on top of Karamatsu's shoulders and with the sudden added height, reaching the roof is a piece of cake. After settling your ass down on the tiles, you grit your teeth and clasp hands with him for the umpteenth time, having him work his way up as well.

With a heave-ho, Karamatsu is free to lie down beside you.

You're hit with a much needed reality check. All of this over a second-hand jacket? Unbelievable.

Tossing the paper bag on his lap carelessly, you scowl. ''You're welcome, asshole.''

''C-Come on, my dear Karamatsu girl. It wasn't that bad, right?''

''Speak for yourself...''

Karamatsu props up his elbows, craning his head up just enough to be able to see you. ''It's such a shame, however. The view from here is perfect, all that's missing is my guitar. Too bad my precious brothers are sleeping soundly.''

''Yeah, about that. I don't know what any of your brothers have to do with this, 'cause whatever the fuck this was could've been easily prevented.'' You cross your arms and turn away from him, establishing a decent amount of room between the two of you.

''You wouldn't understand, darling. Yes, even if I did give you an explanation.'' He responds, and you feel as though he was reading your mind. You shiver at the sheer thought.

The two of you don't indulge in idle chatter afterwards since you're too busy looking back on all of your previous life decisions, trying to figure out what led you to go down such paths. Karamatsu, on the other hand, is gliding himself closer to you.

You notice his ventures and decide to cut him some slack. You shift, erasing the previous space you set and move a hand to place on his shoulder. He hiccups at the touch and begins stammering, playing with his fingers. ''Hahaha... your eyes shine so brightly under the moon's glow.''

You shush him, still not in the mood to listen to his poetic nonsense and bullshit of similar nature.

The two of you stare each other down and Karamatsu does his best to put up a brave front, but you're not blind and you see the way he peers at you from under his lashes, sweating like a musclehead.

Before things could escalate any further, which you doubt is something that would have happened considering who exactly you're dealing with, the both of you slip off the edge.

You're falling and Karamatsu is too, and while you're mostly accepting of the scenario, he isn't. You're more surprised at the fact that this man-child's shrill wails aren't waking up the entire neighbourhood, though they're probably accustomed to these kinds of phenomena by now.

In order to break your fall, Karamatsu adjusts mid-air so as to be under you. He shoves your face into his chest, embracing you but his actions prove to be the wrong move as they merely speed up the process of nosediving into the concrete.

The two of you flop like prepped meatballs on a grill, a sinistrous thump resonating at the dead of night.

You briefly register the sizzling elbow pain you've obtained and Karamatsu's jaw headbutting you at the last second, but other than that you took it pretty well － all thanks to Karamatsu's interference. Perhaps chivalry isn't dead?

While you got out of this with barely any injuries, just small scratches, the same couldn't be said for Karamatsu, who was currently experiencing concussions.

You pat his chest lightly to snatch up his attention. Karamatsu groans, seeing stars floating above him. You make yourself comfortable despite the joint strains, snuggling up to him. ''I'm egging your house soon, be aware.''

He passes out before he could formulate a coherent reply.

★

You haven't seen neither hide nor hair of Karamatsu ever since the rooftop fiasco. And you don't want to sound needy, or downright crazy for that matter, but you miss the man with horrible pick-up lines and over-the-top attitude. Him and his awful sense of fashion, not to mention the strong cologne.

Perhaps you've been infected with some new kind of mental illness, one so new and fresh out of the oven it has yet to be diagnosed by teenage girls with too much free time on their hands.

First, you visit Chibita for any sort of intel he might possess.

''Karamatsu? Sorry, him and his brothers hadn't stopped by as of recent.'' He shrugs apologetically and whips out oden skewers, serving them to you.

You nod and grin at him in understanding, paying for the food before scurrying away on a full stomach.

Next, you consider what other options you have at your disposal. Calling him has proven to be absolutely useless and you're not sure if paying his house a visit would be a good idea, given how worked up he got over such a possibility last time.

You search far and wide, in every nook and cranny, not leaving a single stone unturned. But alas, no dice. Not a trace of him anywhere and you speculate the probability of him glitching into The Backrooms.

You're about to give up, hunting Karamatsu for sport and worrying about him won't do you any good.

You're not getting paid for this, you also don't know him all too well to be actively seeking him out. His dramatic temperament has rubbed off on you, but you're ready to wash it off.

See if I care, you huff and kick a stray can in your way. You're aware of how childishly you're behaving, but you bluff fake indifference as if anyone would be stupid enough to believe you.

You stomp angrily and punt another can with your foot, but accidentally hit someone when doing so.

You flinch and prepare to half-ass an apology before realizing you hit the man you've been getting grey hairs over.

''Karamatsu?'' You blink and crouch down to shake him by the shoulders. ''Hey, what's wrong?''

Karamatsu weakly smiles and shuffles away, offering you a seat next to him on the curb.

You frown, ''Seriously, what happened?''

Karamatsu laughs, manspreading. ''I'm grateful for your concern, but it's... Well, it's simply a foolish thing to be upset about.''

''If it upset you, then it's not dumb.'' You respond, reassuring him to the best of your ability. ''Now, spill the beans.''

''I've been thinking about my personality, I guess?'' He mutters and cracks his knuckles, he tends to fidget quite a lot. ''Like, am I annoying? Trying too hard? Should I stop?''

You listen to him and stay quiet, occassionally rubbing his back. ''I want to be liked.'' You quirk an eyebrow at that, but don't interrupt him otherwise.

''It's lame at my big age to want to be popular, but I wanna be kissed. I wanna have a girlfriend and go on dates, but I'm afraid my personality will drive everyone away."

For fuck's sake, he was called Shittymatsu and frankly, he's surprised you were able to withstand him for so long.

''Karamatsu, want me to be completely honest,'' you ask. He nods rapidly at you. You hum softly, ''I didn't lie before, you are painful. You say so much corny stuff, I'm impressed you can even look yourself in the mirror.''

He cringes, but you pay him no heed. Instead, you continue, ''I mean, really? Who wears tank tops with their face slapped right in the middle, what a fucking dork. But, y'know, I kinda like it now.''

''Huh?''

''I think that type of shit grew on me, for better or worse. I, too, have become a member of the cornball community." You admit and you shudder at your mushy honesty.

You rub the back of your head in embarrassment, "When you say all of these dumb nicknames and act like you own all of Akatsuka Ward a small part of me wishes I die on the spot, but I don't necessarily hate it.''

You hug him and bring him closer to you. You snicker and peck him on the forehead, ''Don't worry so much about who ignores you or hates you is all, when you have someone who likes you despite every cringe one-liner right in front of ya.''

''You're right.'' Karamatsu returns the hug, sniffing and holding back tears. ''[Name]?''

''Yeah?''

''You're a true Karamatsu girl.''

Getting kisses from a hot lady? Karamatsu would love that. And the prospect of you being the one to give them to him, with that warm smile which makes your nose crinkle up, makes the scenario sound even better.

But for now, he's content with you simply pressed up against his side, where he can easily peer over at you and study your face until it's burned and etched forever into his brain. Subtly, of course.

You look up at him with a raised eyebrow after feeling him drill holes in your head since forever, which in turn leads Karamatsu to let out an urbane chuckle and lamely pretend to fix his stray strands of hair, and you can't help but snort at his usual theatrical character.

You sigh and rest your forehead against his. "Painful," you mumble under your breath, though definitely loud enough for him to hear, then giggle.

Karamatsu playfully frowns in response. "My flower, you should know by now that no pain means no gain." He tuts with an exaggerated wag of his finger, eyes animatedly glittering.

You laugh in utter disbelief before shaking your head, wrapping a loose arm around his waist. "Sorry, sorry. You know damn well I don't mean it, right?"

Karamatsu hums and his lips curl upwards to form a small, fond smile. He places his chin on your shoulder and you lean into him even more.

Yeah, Karamatsu could get used to this. For now, that was more than enough for him.

Getting kisses from a hot lady really would be nice, but watching the sun set on the cold pavement with you next to him feels good, too. And hey, you are a hot lady, so what's there to hate?

And to think all of this was thanks to your irresponsible driving.

Osomatsu whistles, nudging Choromatsu as they stared at the two of you from afar. Despite their earlier sentiments, curiosity got the better of them and they decided to investigate their brother's own private time. It's not like he could file a restraining order against them, he would be tortured.

"Kudos to Karamatsu, I actually salute him for managing to bag a real human being. Didn't think he had it in him." Osomatsu snickers, hands deep in his hoodie's pockets.

Choromatsu appears depleted beyond belief, eyeing you both with evident disapproval on his facial features, "What sort of lobotomized romance was this? Felt more like a simulation."

Osomatsu and Choromatsu sigh, both fully synchronized, and groan out, "It should have been me."

[mountain-sage]

First it must be understood what is meant by awareness. You are walking; you are aware of many things: of the shops, of people passing by you, of the traffic, of everything. You are aware of many things, only unaware of one thing: yourself...

By awareness is meant be a master! And when I say " Be a master", I do not mean to be a controller. When I say "Be a master", I mean be a presence - a continuous presence. Whatsoever you are doing or not doing, one thing must be constantly in your consciousness: that you are.

This simple feeling of oneself, that one is, creates a center - a center of stillness, a center of silence, a center of inner mastery - an inner power. And when I say "an inner power", I mean it literally. That is why this sutra says "the fire of awareness". It is a fire. IT IS A FIRE! If you begin to be aware, you begin to feel a new energy in you - a new fire, a new life. And because of this new life, new power, new energy, many things which were dominating you just dissolve. You have not to fight with them...

OSHO

[adelrambles]

I would like to formally apologize, in the past I said I thought Bishop was probably a good driver. But after more discussion with my good pal @teenagemutantninjatrauma we have concluded he probably never earned his driver's license. He predates cars even existing, he probably knows how to build one from scratch from multiple eras. There's no way he'd subject himself to a test. His license is forged.

(There is something so funny to me at the idea of him knowing EVERYTHING about cars, but put him behind the wheel and his driving is amateur at best. He could pilot alien spacecraft with mastery even before they were commonplace and he doesn't know traffic law.)

[system-of-a-feather]

Honestly, I am really realizing that after doing the whole fully fused thing for three months while going through a lot of short-long term plans (Ie plans for the next 3~ years) was largely overwhelming because it was really becoming a lot of processing of a lot of cleanly integrated aspects of parts all being too chronically present leaving our brain really stuck in what I feel is best understood as a traffic jam of Stuff TM... kind of like trying to pick what sort of card to play when you have 40 cards in your hand. There are a lot of viable directions to go and a lot of choices. None are necessarily bad, but to make a decision you have to decide what feels to be the right play, and its hard to do that with so many options and a sense of time pressure.

It's ridiculous how much more quiet our head is despite the fact we are more directly communicating with one another right now. We internally *hear* more, but what I feel is the semi-subconscious dialogue is a lot LOT more quiet. Our head is more empty and its a lot easier to see our problems and analyze the issue in their neat boxes rather than dealing with the chaos swirl of a shit ton of information that I feel being a fused whole kind of causes.

Either way, it was a good play to focus on embracing our individual parts to clear and clean our vision and mind up because we are still "coming down" from how internally overloaded we were with information AND the pressure to make decisions in life.

In that sense, functional multiplicity I think helps a lot when you need to make a complicated and careful decision that doesn't have time pressure and can result in large long term path decisions where as being fully fused is better for making a lot more decisions that are either more time sensitive and / or something where just a "gut" instinct is better.

We were feeling a lot of pressure to make a decision without the full ability to internally meet the decision making demand with confidence of what our collective felt and without the ability to easily integrate a lot of the complex feelings and perspectives and thoughts.

Its easier - with our mastery of level of post-fusion integration - to feel confident in our decisions and analysis of our life decisions and directions when we operate and discuss as a counsel of different parts than it is helpful to be able to theoretically see the whole picture at once (because truth is, we were loosing our ability to see much of ourselves at all due to the overwhelm and hyporegulation)

-Chunn / Riku

[zilchfuff]

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