Ich habe 118 Mal im Jahr 2022 etwas gepostet
14 Einträge erstellt (12%)
104 Einträge gerebloggt (88%)
Blogs, die ich am häufigsten gerebloggt habe:
@mansikkaomenabanaani
@jackironsides
@agnesclementineblog
@aye-write
@toughpaperround
Ich habe 48 meiner Einträge im Jahr 2022 getaggt
#writer stuff – 15 Einträge
#sif talks – 9 Einträge
#not fic – 8 Einträge
#sif writes – 6 Einträge
#fic writing – 5 Einträge
#911 fox – 4 Einträge
#fic – 4 Einträge
#buddie – 3 Einträge
#wattpad – 3 Einträge
#911 fic – 2 Einträge
Longest Tag: 138 characters
#the comment i just gotten was actually helpful in that it made me aware of a problem i didnt know exist in exporting my fic from my editor
Meine Top-Einträge im Jahr 2022:
#5
I can't believe all it takes for me to write for Buddie again is one single episode of season 6 and a tumblr post, after nearly two full years and two whole seasons of not being able to scrape up any motivation except for fandom gift exchanges
14 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 21. September 2022
#4
You’re still my destiny
Another year, another Legacy Day.
Apple convinced Raven to step up to the podium again.
But Apple still has expectations, and Raven still has aspirations.
A lot has changed in this year and just as much hasn't.
The girls reconcile with what is predestined and with what isn't.
Fandom: Ever After High
Relationships: Apple White / Raven Queen
Word count: 3.7k
Read on AO3, Wattpad, or below:
They have an evening routine by now and it looks a little like this:
They fight over the use of the bathroom, dirty tricks allowed, even though most nights they end up sharing it anyway.
Apple stays in there longer, following her skincare routine meticulously and without compromise.
When Raven leaves the room, she rolls her eyes, pretending like she’s not about to smile, just as Apple pretends not to see it.
It works for them and she’s not about to threaten this peace between them.
Once under her covers, Apple calls out “Good night, Ravie”, just because she can. Because Raven no longer throws curses her way when she says it. Because they are friends. And Apple has fought so hard for this, so by the Book of Destiny, she’s gonna enjoy it.
Raven sighs but she still throws a “Good night, Apple-nova” her way.
If Apple has to pinpoint her favorite part of the day, this would be it.
She always falls asleep with a smile.
Apple had been about to pin up her own hair. She lets it fall back down on her shoulders. She struts over to her friend— who is she kidding?, her best friend— and takes a look at what she’s wearing.
“If anything, you don’t look evil enough”, she says with a confidence she’s not quite sure she’s feeling.
Sure, she’s confident. And yes, she trusts that today will turn out well. But still, she compensates with a determination that Raven lacks on this day. Apple understands but still, she feels like she needs to be strong for the both of them today. Put on that extra bit of confidence and determination. Remind her that it’ll all be okay. That they’ll be okay.
Raven sighs sadly but proceeds to put on her earrings.
Apple puts her arm around Raven’s waist, careful not to impede her movement or make a crease into Raven’s carefully shaped dress during the hug.
“You can do it!” She reassures her cheerfully. “It will feel a lot shorter than you remember it!”
Apple can see Raven’s lips quirking up for a short second but she’s quick to be back to her former glum expression.
Perfect, Apple thinks, and let the Legacy Day begin anew.
They’re sitting together at this year’s Legacy Day, as it should be. Apple finds, after all, their destinies are very much intertwined.
In front of them are two rows of students that participate in the Legacy Day for the first time this year and Apple can tell that they are nervous too. Some of them look to her as if to confirm that they’re making the right choice in signing their name. She holds her head extra high. Some others are looking to Raven, hesitantly of course. They are all aware of what it means if Raven signs in the book today. Raven set a powerful precedent that needs to be rectified.
Not if Raven signs, Apple reminds herself, when Raven signs.
She looks beside her to the girl in question who is staring blankly to the front where their principal is just about to take the stage.
Gently, she nudges her with her elbow and presents her with an encouraging smile.
Raven doesn’t smile back but her shoulders unclench and when she turns back to the front her stare is no longer blank but filled with a determination that would make most of the student body of Ever After High tremble.
But not Apple White. Because this stare means her destiny is safe.
She is safe. Both of them are.
And she’s waited a year for this.
Vollständigen Eintrag ansehen
18 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 1. August 2022
#3
A Little Push
This is a gift fic for @wolvesofinnistrad for the I’m Your Buddie Secret Elf Gift Exchange. I hope you like it 😊
Eddie overhears Chris' friend making assumptions.
AO3, Gift Exchange Collection
Relationships: Eddie Diaz/Evan “Buck” Buckley, Evan “Buck” Buckley & Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz
Characters: Eddie Diaz, Christopher Diaz, Original Male Child Character
“If your dad is okay with us playing on the console,” is what Eddie hears through Chris’ door when he passes by. It’s Jacob speaking, one of Chris’ friends, who is spending the afternoon at their place.
Eddie’s first instinct is to say no when they ask, his trust in tech is still not restored, even if Buck has been trying very hard to get him to.
But then again, they have gotten out the console a few times over the last months as a result of this effort of Buck’s, so there’s no reason for him to forbid it, except on principle. And while Eddie can’t afford to be the fun dad all the time, he doesn’t want to be the stuck-up dad either. Especially when appearing too strict in front of his kid’s friends might result in them choosing a different hangout spot than the Diaz house.
It’s not that Eddie finds anything wrong with Chris going to his friends’ houses, but he’d rather they do because it’s a choice for another kid’s home, and not because it’s a choice against Chris’ home. He doesn’t wish to inflict that on Chris’ social life.
Being so caught up in his own reasoning about what to answer to that query, he nearly misses the second half of Jacobs’s sentence:
“... we could play that game you and Alex have been talking about. Splatoon? You said you have it.”
And that just makes Eddie halt again. He was just passing by, he’s not supposed to stop to listen in on Chris’ conversations with his friends. But Chris doesn’t have Splatoon. Eddie is reasonably sure about that. Chris has played it because Buck owns it, and they played it at Buck’s place, but Chris doesn’t have the game.
Buck probably bought that game for Chris, but… Who is Eddie kidding? Buck most definitely bought the game for Chris. But more specifically, he bought it for himself to play with Chris, so Eddie doesn't think it counts as Chris’ game.
“It’s not at my dad’s place,” Chris says, and now Eddie has confirmation that Chris thinks of Buck’s game as his. There's no other place Chris could play a game and rightfully believe it to be his, and huh, now Eddie’s contradicting himself.
“Oh,” Jacob says, “I didn’t know your parents were divorced. I thought it was just your dad and you.”
“It is,” Chris replies, and Eddie only stays to see how Chris handles the mention of Shannon, “and they didn’t. My mom died.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” Jacob really does sound sorry, so Eddie makes to leave. He listened in on their conversation for too long already. “Where is your game then?”
“It’s at Buck’s place.” Eddie nods along. Yeah, okay. Buck probably told Chris that it’s his. He’ll back Eddie when he doesn’t want Chris to play on tech, but he’ll also make sure to keep an age-appropriate game on hand for when Eddie does allow it.
“Ah, right,” Jacob replies when Eddie can still just barely hear him, like he knows who Buck is. And yeah, that’s fair, seeing how much time they spend with him, and also thinking back to shortly after the tsunami, when Chris talked about it to his peers. He remembers that conversation with his teachers. Chris’ classmates probably remember it too.
“Your dad’s new girlfriend.” Eddie doubles a few steps back. His girlfriend?
“Buck’s not a girl.”
Eddie waits. But that’s all Chris replies. What he wouldn’t give now to be able to see how Chris reacts instead of just having his voice to go on. Is Chris considering how he follows up on that, pondering what exactly Buck is to the two of them? Or is that all he plans to say anyway?
But Eddie can’t see Chris, only hears Jacob interrupt what Eddie hopes is a thinking pause on Chris’ part, and will therefore never know.
Why does he care anyway? It doesn’t really matter what label Chris gives them. Kids get stuff like that wrong all the time. Chris thought he and Ana weren’t married yet, when the two of them could not have been more obviously not meant to work.
Then again, maybe it does matter that Chris seems to not be quite sure how to label whatever Buck is to Eddie. And maybe it matters even more that Eddie himself thinks that there’s wiggling room in how Chris could define what they are to each other. And doesn’t that beg the question of what Buck is to Eddie?
He’s my best friend, Eddie tells himself. It’s true, he knows that it’s true.
But there’s more than this one facet to their relationship. They’re partners, at work and… at work. Partners at work. But if Eddie’s being real with himself? They’re also partners for a lot outside of work. Buck has games at his place that Chris considers his. Eddie trusts Buck with Chris over anyone else. Chris goes to Buck when he’s upset with Eddie. Buck backs him on his parenting decisions, but he also teases him into loosening them if he thinks Eddie’s being unreasonably strict, as he did with the video games.
Fuck, Eddie realizes, they’re also partners in parenting, of all things.
It doesn’t have to mean anything. And it doesn’t, necessarily. Children have godparents for reasons like this. To take care of a child when its parents are no longer there. That’s why Eddie wrote Buck into his will.
Except that it feels wrong to think of Buck this way. He’s also who Eddie wants at his side when it comes to parenting, yes, even while he’s still alive. He wants Buck at his side for work too, without question. But he also wants him at his side, for whatever else life throws at them, for better or for worse.
And whoa, isn’t that cheesy?
Vollständigen Eintrag ansehen
31 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 6. Januar 2022
#2
I Made This Family All On My Own
Watching them, Cirilla has learnt that sometimes “I hate you” means “I hate you”, but sometimes it can also mean “I love you, but I hate that I do”.
Or: After the events of season 2, Geralt decides to stay at Kaer Morhen, where Cirilla tries to connect to Jaskier, and to make sense of the relationships between Geralt, Yennefer and him.
AO3
Fandom: The Witcher (TV)
Relationships: Yennefer/Jaskier/Geralt, Cirilla & Jaskier, Cirilla & Vesemir, Cirilla & Yennefer, Cirilla & Geralt
Cirilla starts to learn that emotions are a complicated thing. Surprisingly, it’s the witchers in her life that have the best grip on them, considering she once tried to become one to get away from hers.
Vesemir tells Geralt he should’ve trusted him; that’s how they show each other that they care. Geralt is the first to tell Ciri he loves her, once he got over himself, and Vesemir follows shortly after. She’s come to think of him as her grandfather even, and she thinks that Vesemir has come to grips with having a granddaughter in her too.
Yennefer is a little more difficult. She says things like, “I’d sacrifice everything for you”, so Cirilla thinks she might love her, but Yennefer refuses to say it. Cirilla isn’t sure she’s able to. She doesn’t know how Yen would react if Ciri were the one to say it first, either.
Jaskier is a wholly different egg to crack. Mostly, because she doesn’t really know how to act around him at all. He says, “You’re the child surprise, I heard so much about you,” but she’s got so much else on her mind that she doesn’t really care. It doesn’t even bother her when he says “like father, like daughter,” seeing as she doesn’t mind being compared to Geralt, even if Jaskier obviously means it in a bad way.
But she thinks they both fucked up their first impressions that way, and now, in the halls of Kaer Morhen, they don’t really know how to act around each other. She’s known Geralt for a while now, and he teaches her to fight. She’s known Yennefer for a shorter time, but still longer than Jaskier, and Yen teaches her about magic. But Jaskier and her barely knew each other before, and they don’t have much time to get each other to know each other now, either.
It isn’t aided by Jaskier’s relationships to both Geralt and Yennefer being significantly complicated, either.
Geralt and Yennefer snap at each other all the time too, but she’s seen them kiss at Nenneke’s, so she’s reasonably sure they love each other. Cirilla can understand that magic, politics, and betrayals make things difficult between them, and that they might take some time before they can fully trust each other again and actually love each other openly. She assumes it might take even more time before they do it in front of her.
Watching the two of them, Cirilla has learnt that sometimes “I hate you” means “I hate you”, but sometimes it can also mean “I love you, but I hate that I do”.
It’s with this in mind, that Jaskier’s place in this family, and yes, Cirilla has taken to calling them that, at least in her head, for her own private enjoyment, gets complicated.
Geralt and Jaskier are friends now. Geralt was loath to admit it at first, saying he refused to acknowledge that for a long time, but “he grows on you, like a fungus”.
“You’ll like him too, soon enough, once you get to know him,” Geralt says, fondly, and it seems oddly important to him. Cirilla doesn’t think too much of it at first. She managed with all of Geralt’s brothers too. She’ll manage with a new strange figure in her life, if Geralt wants her to.
But then she’ll hear Jaskier call Yennefer a “bitch” and Yennefer call Jaskier a “bastard”, and Cirilla thinks one of them will leave or make Geralt choose between his love and his friend. She fears Geralt will be miserable, even if he’ll try to hide it, because he is just as happy as her to have them all together here, as a family. And while Ciri might not know Jaskier enough to miss him, should he be the one to go, Geralt does.
Then, the next second, Yen’ll call him a “heart-broken fool”, and he’ll tell her “you’ve gone soft-hearted” in the same tone of voice, with the same amount of venom in their voices, and Cirilla will think “now it’s really all over, they’ll either kill each other or leave”, but they’ll just huff and turn around, a shine to their eyes that might look like respect or understanding if she didn’t know better.
For a while, she thinks it’s just the two of them tolerating each other, because they have seen what Ciri did: that Geralt would miss either of them - and they both love him enough to ignore the other for his sake, until Ciri notices that in their fights Geralt and Yennefer both look at Jaskier the same way they look at each other during their own fights.
Cirilla thinks it must be complicated loving someone you’re so desperate to hate.
Still, hearing Geralt’s “You’ll like him too, once you get to know him”, and seeing Yennefer failing to hate Jaskier as much as she seemingly wishes to, doesn’t make it easier for Cirilla to actually get to know him, or make sense of what Jaskier sees his own role in this family to be.
Asking Geralt doesn’t yield much more than that, though. He plainly acts like Jaskier and Yennefer don’t act like they hate each other, and he seems to believe that Ciri and Jaskier will just get closer without any of their further input. Considering Jaskier’s personality, this might be true, if the two of them would naturally spend enough time in each other’s company. But when they do, it’s usually shared with Geralt and Yennefer, and as loving each other seems to be the worst thing that could’ve happened to the three adults in Cirilla’s life, it doesn’t really lend itself to that. Their dinner tables are slowly calming now, forgiveness settling over the three of them for things they won’t tell Ciri about, but it doesn’t happen fast enough.
She fought for the respect of Geralt’s brothers, she’ll take it in her own hands to get along with Jaskier too.
“Why do you call him a broken-hearted fool?” she asks Yennefer one day while mixing a potion. Potion-making always lends itself to talking, and Cirilla has asked Yen a lot of things over time. She’s been told about Yennefer’s childhood, about how she met Geralt, what else she’ll teach her, but Yennefer seldom talks about Jaskier. Mostly she just calls him “the bard”, which Cirilla thinks is neither a positive nor even neutral term coming out of her mouth, but even that went from “resigned derision” to “resigned fondness” over the weeks they spent in the workshop.
Yennefer snorts, but has the decency to look a little guilty. “Have you ever listened to his songs?”
Cirilla shakes her head. “I’ve never been around when he played.”
“If you did, you’d know.”
And while that is just as mysterious as anything else she knew about Jaskier before, with the exception of the theoretical facts about how he got to meet Geralt and Yen, it gives her an idea on how to make Geralt happy. Maybe even all three of them.
“When will you teach me how to play the lute?” she drops on Jaskier one day, when she catches him alone.
He jumps, as if startled, and despite him hiding it, she can still make out the “just like her parents. Just expects me to drop everything on her whim.” But then again, with Jaskier, you can never be sure he didn’t want you to hear it.
“I didn’t know you wanted me to teach you. Didn’t figure you wanted my presence at all.” He sizes her up. “You’re a princess. Weren’t you taught music too?”
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55 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 22. Januar 2022
Meine #1 des Jahres 2022
We’ve Been Losing Sleep
Rating G, 4.7k words, Buddie, 911
This was inspired by episode 6.01 and some thoughts I had after reading this tumblr post of @vampydiaz
Read below or on AO3
There’s something about building a life around people that’s so very fragile to changes in their emotions.
Buck is not a stranger to that. He knows that despite how strong he thinks their little ecosystem of people is, it’s still a family that they built around the 118. He hasn’t forgotten how off-balance everything and everyone in his life had felt when Eddie and Chimney hadn’t come to work. He’s not so naive as to believe his own actions and emotions can’t have the same impact.
In theory, that is.
In practice, it still takes him by surprise when Chimney drops down on the couch in the middle of the shift, furtively looking around as if to check that no one else is listening, and asks him "So, Buckley, as Eddie’s best friend, would you happen to know what’s going on with him? He’s been weird the last two shifts." and the only thing Buck can think of is that Buck didn’t hang out with him.
"Uh, no, n- not that I can think of", he says instead, because admitting to Eddie reacting to Buck avoiding him would mean admitting to avoiding him would mean admitting to the reason he’s avoiding him. And if he were ready to admit that, Buck wouldn’t be avoiding him.
Chimney looks at him for so long that Buck fears he doesn’t believe him, but then he just shrugs. "If he doesn’t even tell you…," he starts, but doesn’t actually finish. "Maybe you should ask him about it. I think Cap worries, seeing as we all thought Eddie was better now after going to therapy."
"He is better," Buck says, and even he can tell that it was too defensive, too close to snapping at Chim. He gets the lifted eyebrow that he expected earlier. Buck expects Chimney to see through him to what he actually feels, but no. After a second, he just throws his head back and groans.
"The only thing I achieved is to make you worry too, didn’t I?", he asks, and it’s not really a question. More of an assessment of the situation.
Buck sighs, not really knowing what to answer, still grappling with the fact that his actions have consequences, but Chimney takes it as confirmation and leaves this thread of conversation behind.
Buck is grateful, he is. If only, with Chim declaring the conversation over, it was also over in Buck’s head.
Chimney wasn’t even wrong: Buck was worried now. Because Buck had made a conscious decision. He’s well aware that there’s something about building a life around people that’s so very fragile to changes in their emotions. That includes your own.
And there’s no one in the 118 that Buck has built his life around more than Eddie and Christopher.
He felt his emotions shift, or well, maybe shift isn’t quite the right word. Buck suspects these feelings have been building for a long time, hidden under the surface, a perfectly logical progression of the way Buck and Eddie have been developing alongside each other.
He needed a step back. To sort out his thoughts and feelings before he did something brash and regretted it. He needed to make sure that his emotions would not affect this life that their trio, as well as the 118, have built around each other.
There was care in the planning of this step back. No risks taken. Eddie wasn’t even supposed to notice it. Buck didn’t even actively say no to any plans. When Eddie — or Chris — asked him to, he showed up. He just — didn’t actively bring up his own. There should have been no way this would disrupt their friendship, nevertheless the team dynamic.
Still, Bobby and Chim noticed, and were surely not the only ones. So Buck — Buck has to grit his teeth and deal with his feelings head-on, on his own, without dragging his family into it. It’s not their fault that somewhere along the line he fell in love with his best friend.
Determined, he stands up and smiles at Chim before leaving to go look for Eddie. He finds him at the gym, going at the punching bag a little too hard. And yeah, Buck thinks, wincing, as he leans against the pillar closest to him, there’s definitely something going on with Eddie.
"Hey," Buck says, softly, so as not to startle him. There’s still a little jump in Eddie’s step before he turns around to face him. "You wanna grab some breakfast after our shift?"
"Yeah, sure," Eddie says, smiling at him. There’s a crinkle around his eyes that makes Buck think he hasn’t slept all that well lately. It makes his stomach sink. He’s not yet ready to confront being the cause of it, so he doesn’t ask, but the urge to reach out and fix it is so strong, he nearly caves.
Tomorrow, he promises himself.
Breakfast ends up being a team affair, with Hen and Chimney joining once they get wind of the plan, which… is okay. Buck appreciates the added distance and reprieve, even if it goes against the purpose of the breakfast. He relaxes in the knowledge that at least he was the one initiating the meet-up, despite the way it devolved out of his control, hoping against hope that it would calm the waves of what had thrown Eddie so off-balance at least a little.
By the end of the meal, he’s convinced himself that the best action is to follow Eddie home and just spend the whole day with him and Chris. No doubts about his commitment to being in their lives.
That’s before Chimney says to him: "You’ll be home later, yeah? Maddie wanted to drop by," and what can he say to that? Despite not needing to, ever since she has Chimney and the rest of their support system around, he’d still drop nearly everything for his sister. So if she wants to come around and he doesn’t actually have any other plans yet? Then he’ll be at home.
He can let Eddie catch a few hours of sleep (which, by the look of it, he desperately needs) and then come around after Maddie passed by. Except-
Well, except: now it’s three days later and Buck thinks the universe must have conspired against him, because he still hasn’t seen Eddie outside of his shift and hangouts with the whole team. He’s seen him less even than during the few days that he was actively trying to see him less. Besides making him realize how bad of an idea that forced distance had been (because you never know when life would just keep you apart), it has also come to a point where he’s lying in his bed, phone on his chest, fingers flying over the keyboard, typing "I miss you".
"I can’t write that," he tells himself once he stopped typing, "it’s too obvious. He doesn’t deserve to have to deal with my feelings. That wouldn’t be fair to him."
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62 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 16. Oktober 2022
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