#torship talks a lot of crap lol

[x-authorship-x]

"I admit this is a bizarre ask. But I figured, you've looked at all the conveniently high cliffs around Konoha, yes? (So many minecraft results, nooo.) Do you happen to know *where* that pier is where Sasuke and Naruto do all their male-coded moping? (I believe the Hatake had some man-pain moments there too.) All I can figure is it's on an east-west axis for maximum golden-hour angst lighting. And that embankment is artificial? Like maybe a levee?" - Anon

Woo did you open up a can of bullshit here, anon. I don't think you are but, just in case- if you're looking outside of the walls, then I can't help you because I think we both know that my research lies firmly within Shisui-spheres.

("you've looked at all the conveniently high cliffs around Konoha" YOURE CORRECT BUT ALSO 🙃)

Let's just look at Konoha (a "3D" image, instead of the variety of shots or "maps" online)

We have about 0 pixels to work with if you try and zoom in so I try and look at it with my eyes unfocused 🥴

So we're looking for the pier from here, I'm assuming

Assuming it's the same pier/lake-

We're looking for something that shows mountains when facing east, which is the direction the Hokage Monument is also facing in. So, wherever we look needs to put the Hokage Monument behind it (tHe wHoLE of KonOHa)

Well, let's have a look at the map (and not make fun of my art ability when editing with my finger on my phone)

The red lines show (obvs not including the Hokage Monument) the highest points of elevation within the village boundary.

The blue lines show that Konoha is built within a bowl but the whole valley is also at an angle with highest point marked with a white dot (Hokage Monument) and the lowest (black) where the largest part of the Naka leaves the village boundaries.

The Naka is split into several branches and we know that the larger sections can be both fast flowing as well as relatively peaceful. The cliffs lined in red are out, since we assume that is where Shisui died-

(Warning: Shisui Dying

It's a huge fucking jump and that current isn't messing around. Considering the waterfall, you'd think it would be at the waterfall I helpfully circled in red but NOPE. Because there's no cliff in front, the "red circle" waterfall seems fuller in shape (more circle 🥴), than the long and fast river we see above^

This is the issue with Narutoverse 🤡 the gaps are fucking massive, so there is an invisible waterfall somewhere on those red underlined cliffs where Shisui died, he was probably chased by ROOT in the trees just south of there, which means the Uchiha Shrine and Compound must be located in that area too (because otherwise how the fuck wasn't any of this witnessed or interrupted???)

I've gone off tangent. But, then again, you came to me for help so I think you knew what you were getting into, Anon 🤣

TL;DR: Shisui died at the cliffs underlined in red.)

Please scroll back up to the "Doodled Map"

From the look of things, I'd say the Pier of Boyhood Angst was the waterfall smack bang in the red circle.

If you think that the red circled body of water is flat, then voila, I've found the pier.

If, like me, you think those handful of pixels look more like a waterfall, we're in trouble.

It's not a neat answer. The water is too still and has the feel of a much larger body of water YET, from this panel, we know that it must be in the middle of the village because the buildings are positioned in such a way to suggest lines of streets going in different directions: if they were on the outskirts, the buildings would be better spaced.

In the doodled map, we can see that there is a grey smudge behind the top of the waterfall, that looks different from "Shisui's Cliffs" but that more closely resembles the grainy "city bits". This would fit with the panel of Sasuke with the buildings behind him if not for the huge waterfall also missing 🤣. Opposite the waterfall, are a few blurry somethings and then a lot of trees. Sasuke also seems to be facing the sunset, which is East and the direction that the Hokage Monument (and, roughly, the waterfall too) is facing towards, putting them at Sasuke's back.

So, either we accept that this is the spot anyway, and ignore the slightly glaring counter evidence, or we keep going.

In the Doodled Map, between the white dot and the top right hand blue arrow, there is a bit of river that looks fatter than the rest. I can't see where it connects to the rest of the Naka, so maybe it's an actual lake? Maybe it's just a weird bit of blue and not water? Is this the pier? Maybe! I'm not convinced but, once more, you're welcome to grab this option - wilfully ignoring that it might not actually be water - and enjoy!

But, oh, wait- look at Portrait of Hatake Familial Love, again

*please scroll up*

They're not in that high corner of the village because the whole of Konoha, if they are indeed facing the setting sun (and that's obvious 🤷), would be visible in front of them.

So that's a 'no'.

Let's swap maps. I love that they don't all look the same regardless of time period, variety is the spice of life ✨

Here there are no nice bodies of water for nice broody piers. Another damning fact: this is it after Pein's curb-stomp so it's a new version of Konoha, 2.0 if you will - or 3.0, depending on how much damage you think the Kyuubi wrought. Why did I use it? Because I was figuring that even Pein couldn't completely destroy the bodies of water/flow of the Naka, which in this post-rebuild map does seem to resemble the OG map above^. However, it's still not helpful. Conclusion: That's Not My Pier.

Let's try again!

0/10, there's no waterfall, barely ANY Naka river, and absolutely no pier to brood on. The Uchiha Clan looks weird and not very big and not very isolated and not very good for an uninterrupted massacre. I ventured to Narutopedia and everything. Conclusion: That's Not My Pier.

Third time is the charm, right?

0/10, where is the water? Let's fast forward-

Here me out 🤣

This is the Konoha of the Rookie Nine's childhood. Yeah, it's mid-destruction but look, look, look! An exploding body of water! Could that be where the Pier is? Well... maybe not because I'm not seeing any huge village boundary walls in the panel behind Sasuke, when he has his back to buildings. Conclusion: Not My Pier (but maybe like a close-your-eyes-and-pretend situation?)

Final thoughts... you have three options:

1) Sasuke is tangential to a waterfall which pours so perfectly, like those TikToks of teapot making, that the water doesn't even ripple. In Narutoverse, the setting sun wiggles around a bit on the horizon, very thoughtfully, so it's always in frame for Brooding.

2) Sasuke is located on a pier that may or may not be water in the very top corner of the Doodled Map. Godspeed, if so because there must be a serious (and not at all well-shown in the maps) hill that blocks the whole village from the view.

3) Sasuke is technically outside of the village boundary and the path, where Naruto is looking down from, is on the other side of the village wall (if you think the local Jinchuuriki would be allowed to cross it) and we just can't see it for mysterious reasons.

4) the red circled water is NOT a waterfall and I can't interpret pixels well enough. Ignore all of this P.I work and enjoy success!

Final-Final thoughts:

Narutoverse is a hot mess

-

You definitely got more than what you signed up for, Anon, but seeing as this took me several hours, I think I did too lmao

Hope this helped, somehow! ✨👋

[x-authorship-x]

You can't keep GETTING AWAY WITH THIS AJSJDKAJKSKAKAHSID I DON'T EVEN LIKE JIRAIYA

(Although I do admit that he looks hot, but anyway-)

HOW DARE YOU /pos

WHAT DO YOU GUYS MEAN YOU LIKED JIRAIYA/SHISUI, I HATE JIRAIYA LMAO 🤡🤡🤡 *CLOWN MUSIC INTENSIFYING*

(I didn't mean to make him hot but then I was like😭 Jiraiya is a fucking tank of a man so it just happens organically waaaaaaaaa-💢💢)

[x-authorship-x]

I hate Jiraiya but the Shisui/Jiraiya post was *chef's kiss* can't help but imagine all the ways Shisui is going to absolutely destroy him, and not in the good way Jiraiya expects

Oh god I hate that I have more ideas for this ✨ the things I do because I'm soft for my anons

Basically I've set this AU up as a comedy of errors:

Shisui tries to go the "babygurl" route to skirt suspicion (me? A spy???) get to Jiraiya's vulnerabilities as efficiently as possible... But Jiraiya likes Shisui even more when he, ah, shows his teeth and shows flashes of strength! Shisui is trying to play the 'sugar baby' but, as the plot and action unfolds, he ends up having to show increasing competence and badassness! Jiraiya is apathetic to a lot of shit but Shisui starts proving to be a puzzle with hidden layers that only seem to go deeper and deeper the more he looks into it! Some excitement at last!

Shisui brings Itachi into the plot at some point but Jiraiya, whilst flirty and amused with Itachi 'twink extraordinaire', his attention remains largely on Shisui 😏

Basically Jiraiya starts treating Shisui like an escort, not sleeping together (Jiraiya might be proudly promiscuous but he's also a mercenary and he doesn't just let anyone near his junk, Shisui is playing a longer game) and Shisui uses the excuse, more free time and the access into both Shimura and Sarutobi estates to do even more snooping~~~

Basically it all comes to a head that Danzo isn't just a bastard but he's planning on assassinating Sarutobi to absorb their businesses together, he's already got rid of Asuma (hired a hit, doesn't know that Kurenai is actually a sleeper Uchiha and married Asuma instead, Asuma is happily alive and learning the 'family trade') and the Sannin Mercenaries have to pick sides!

Shisui kicks ass, exposing his cover, and Jiraiya is like... "Wow that was hot, did you know that was hot? You're a hotter assassin than you were a butler and that's saying something" and Shisui is like "not an assassin, you freak"

Blah blah blah i just wanted to make Shisui give his marks a pseudo-religious experience with his badassery

Also at some point shisui says "you do know I'm not ACTUALLY a stripper, right?"

And Jiraiya is like "yea duh? I paid you to wear those clothes around me, not not-wear them???"

Thank you, I'm taking a bow and never coming back on stage, this AU was a social experiment and we all failed! Back to the cage, people! ✨✨✨

[x-authorship-x]

I love how you wrote that Shisui works as a butler for the Shimura household but Hiruzen is there having a meeting with Jiraiya as if it's his house too

Hinted HiruDan, perhaps? 👀👀👀

Hhhhhhhhhhhhh Sarutobi can do whatever and whoever he likes, I'm in no way gonna gatekeep shipping on the basis of age because we are all gonna get old so let's not be stupid BUT-

I ain't even THINKING about Danzo like that 🤣

I just wanted Shisui to be working to bring Danzo down and then meet Jiraiya because Sarutobi dragged him over but you read whatever you want from that snippet! I however-

Do not perceive 😂