#tore my room apart since then (literally the only other place they could be) and bope

[deadtower]

what kinda butthole steals someones every day shoes? anyways do u still need monies cause i can send some tomorrow

gotta be real i was super nervous about opening this one from the preview but thank god it was just this LMAO

but YEAH like it definitely was my roommate’s friend (they were in the house the EXACT day the shoes went missing) but roommate refuses to believe it could be their friend because he knows them sooo well and they couldn’t POSSIBLY have taken my shoes and i’m like man… they’re not gonna TELL you they took my shoes or that they’re the kind of people who took them LMAO

but yes i’ve almost made enough to replace them but not quite so i would really appreciate the help! my payment links are all in the post for my guide (pinned to the top of my blog if you can’t find it) or on februaryfirst.carrd.co if you wanna use that !! i really appreciate it hdjsha

[violentvalerian]

The Best Bad News (WuWa AU Rover x Calcharo) // Part 1/3 // A Little Calamity

“This day fucking sucks!”

Aalto walked to the door of the living room and peeked around the corner into the hallway. There stood his roommate, drenched from head to toe and dripping water onto the hardwood floor. And looking massively annoyed.

“Lemme guess,” Aalto said, throwing his pale hair back, “You got into a fight with a sprinkler and lost.”

“Yes, Aalto, that’s exactly what happened,” the dark-haired man in the hall grumbled with an eyeroll and peeled his soaked black denim jacket off his slender form, hanging it up to dry, “It’s raining cats and dogs outside.”

His words were accentuated by a clap of thunder that made both young men jump.

“Oh really?” Aalto asked with a grin, “Thanks for letting me know, Ro. Wouldn’t have guessed.”

“I’m gonna go take a shower,” Ro said, kicking off his sneakers that hit the ground with a wet splat. A flash of lightning lit up the otherwise dim apartment.

“You hungry or something?” Aalto asked, “I could order us something.”

“I can’t afford to get takeout every day,” Ro complained, “Don’t we have anything to pop into the oven or something?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Aalto graciously said and placed his hand on his chest, “It’s on me tonight.”

“Really?” Ro asked and looked at him with wide eyes, “You’re actually serious? Never thought I’d ever see you so generous.”

“What?” Aalto exclaimed, “I’m always generous! Just not when it comes to monetary things. Whatever! What do you want?”

“I don’t care, you decide,” Ro said and quickly disappeared into the bathroom to avoid any further questions. He was notoriously bad at making decisions, no matter the subject.

He tore off all his clothes that were sodden with cold water. The rain had totally caught him off-guard on the way back from the library where he’d worked on some assignments for his history studies. First he’d been drowning in work, and then almost drowning in the literal sense with how heavy the storm was.

He stepped into the shower and turned on the water, cursing when the ice cold stream hit him, colder even than the rain. For some reason, Aalto liked to take freezing showers, and no matter how many times Ro begged him to at least turn the tap back into a neutral position, he never remembered to do so. At least it didn’t take forever to warm up today, and soon he was wrapped in a misty cocoon of warm steam and water that relaxed his tense shoulders and smoothed the goosebumps that had risen on his skin from the cold.

Feeling like a completely reborn person, Ro emerged from the bathroom and went into his room to change. It was small, barely large enough for his bed and his desk. Since he’d only moved in a few short months ago when he started studying in Jinzhou, the walls were still bare, and in a corner there was a tower of not unpacked moving boxes whose structural integrity seemed worryingly precarious.

Ro threw on a pair of sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt and  returned to the living room to see Aalto lounging on the couch in front of the TV, ignoring some sports game while scrolling on his phone, as he always did. Despite only knowing each other for two months, Ro and Aalto had already grown to be close friends, albeit with rather different interests and personalities.

“Feeling better?” Aalto asked, noticing Ro’s presence, “I ordered pizza by the way.”

“Much better,” Ro replied and pushed his legs off the couch to take a seat, “Hope you didn’t get tuna for me again.”

“Nah, you don’t like fish, I get it. There was a two for one deal on something with four cheeses.”

“So you’re not paying for me after all,” Ro grinned.

“Yes I am!” Aalto insisted, “I bought a pizza just for you and just so happened to get one for free myself.”

“Sure, sure,” Ro laughed and pulled out his phone. When he opened Echoline, the most popular social media in Huanglong and beyond, his face fell. “Oh… my… god,” he breathed, pronouncing every word as if it were a full sentence, “No fucking way!”

“What?” Aalto asked, “What is it now?”

“No way!” Ro repeated and flew to his feet, staring at his phone in disbelief.

“What?!” Aalto asked, pushing himself into a more upright position, “Tell me! The suspense is killing me.”

Ro furiously tapped and swiped on his phone. “My favorite band is going on tour for their second album, and they’re playing a show here! In Jinzhou! And… oh my god… It’s on my birthday! Oh my god, I have to be there!”

“Oh hell yeah, congrats,” Aalto said, but he’d lost interest. He knew Ro’s taste in music differed from his own greatly. Aalto liked all kinds of sounds that came out of computers, the less real instruments, the better, as long as the bassline was heavy enough to shake the ground. Ro, on the other hand, liked classic rock and alt punk. Music was one of the things they’d never agree on.

“Ah!” Ro now shrieked in horror, “No! No, that can’t be true!”

“What is it now?” Aalto sighed.

Ro sobbed. “It’s already sold out?! How is that possible? They only went on sale a few hours ago!”

“Damn, those guys must be pretty popular for that to happen.”

“Yeah,” Ro said sadly, “They’re from the New Fed, and this is their first international tour. Fans have been begging for one for years. And now they’re gonna be here, but I won’t be. I’m gonna cry. This is the worst day of my life!”

“From the New Federation?” Aalto asked, “Think I might know them?”

He’d moved to Huanglong from the New Federation a year ago to study business at Jinzhou’s Huaxu Academy that was famous for its excellent courses. And its insultingly low acceptance rate.

“Pfft!” Ro scoffed, “They don’t do your stinky robot music. They got real guitars and drums and vocals that haven’t been fried by ten different filters and overlays.”

“Stinky?!” Aalto asked in offense, “Don’t insult my modern taste like that just ‘cause you’re still stuck in the eighties!”

But Ro wasn’t even listening anymore. “Ahh, the lead singer…” He sighed, “He’s got a voice sent from the heavens, I swear, and he’s just dreamy. They’re all really good, but Cal is just on another level.”

Aalto perked up, grabbing his roommate by the shoulders. “What did you say?”

“That the lead singer is on another level?” Ro asked in confusion.

“No, what did you call him?” Aalto asked and almost shook him, “Cal?”

“Yes,” Ro slowly said, looking at Aalto like he was crazy, “Calcharo. He’s the lead singer of the Ghost Hounds, my favorite band.”

“Holy shit!” Aalto exclaimed and let out a hearty laugh, “Why didn’t you tell me you’re a Ghost Hounds fan sooner?!”

“You know them?” Ro asked in surprise and tilted his head, “Didn’t think that’d be something you’re into.”

Aalto laughed again. “Their music be damned, of course I know them!”

“Huh?” Ro was utterly confused.

Aalto beamed at him when he dropped the mother of all bombshells. “Calcharo is my brother!”

Ro’s jaw dropped and he coughed up an incomprehensible bouquet of word fragments, sputtering and gasping for air. “Wh- B- You… He… B- brother?!”

“Yeah, my big bro!” Aalto confirmed, nodding rapidly, “No way you like his stuff!”

“His stuff is the best stuff ever!” Ro called out, “Between Me and the Devil is my favorite song of all time! I can’t fucking believe you’re Calcharo’s brother! You are, right?! You’re not bullshitting me right now, right?!”

“Hell no!” Aalto denied and pulled out his phone, quickly digging through his gallery and producing a photo he held under Ro’s nose. It was a capture of an older, physical photograph from an album. On it were two boys with the same light hair, both carrying large backpacks. One was significantly taller than the other and showed only a faint smile while his shorter counterpart grinned between both ears and revealed countless gaps in his teeth.  “Look, Dad sent this the other day because he was going through our family albums. It’s my first day of school! Here is me, and there’s Cal. He’s four years older than me.”

Ro’s jaw dropped again. Despite the kid in the picture looking far, far younger - around ten or eleven - it was undoubtedly Calcharo, lead singer of the Ghost Hounds, with his naturally white hair and those pale blue eyes. Looking at Aalto again, the resemblance suddenly hit him. It was almost uncanny. He had the same hair, even styled it similarly with the bangs hanging around the side of his face and the rest of it always combed back, and their face shape was really similar as well, only Aalto’s jaw wasn’t as pronounced as Calcharo’s. And their eyes were different. But despite that, Ro totally bought it.

“That’s crazy!” Ro screeched. “Crazy! Insane!”

“I’m gonna call him,” Aalto said, holding up his phone with his arm stretched out, “and ask him if he can do my bestie a favor and drop some tix.”

Ro gasped, nearly hyperventilating. “No way! You’d do that for me?!”

“Duh!” Aalto said and flicked his forehead, “Means I don’t have to worry about a birthday present for you. Easy win!”

“You rat!” Ro said with a grin, “I’ll love you for the rest of my days if you make that happen.”

“Leave it to me!” Aalto said eagerly, “I’ll call him right now.”

Unfortunately for him, right now was also the moment the doorbell rang incessantly.

“Ooh!” Aalto whistled, “Dinner time!”

He zipped into the hall to accept the food. Ro, meanwhile, held his hand against his mouth so Aalto wouldn’t hear his squeals of joy as he kicked his feet in excitement. This was the best day ever!

A couple days later, Aalto waltzed into Ro’s room unannounced, totally unnoticed by the aforementioned.

Ro was sitting at his desk over the fattest book Aalto had ever seen, headphones over his ears and bobbing his head in the rhythm of his song. Aalto hesitated for a moment and listened in, giggling when he very faintly made out his brother’s voice. Perfect timing.

He tapped Ro’s shoulder, making him let out a startled gasp and whip around.

“Jesus, Aalto!” Ro complained, “You scared me!”

“I got something for you!” Aalto said in a sing-song voice and revealed a nondescript envelope from behind his back.

“For me?” Ro asked and accepted the envelope, opening it as Aalto watched him eagerly.

“It’s something really special. A VIP ticket for the Ghost Hounds gig!”

Ro shrieked and launched himself out of his chair to throw himself into Aalto’s arms. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” He said and hugged him so tightly that the other almost couldn’t breathe, “You’re the best friend ever, Aalto! I love you!”

Aalto let out a nervous chuckle and patted his back. “No problemo. Just played some of my connections. Easy peasy.”

Ro continued hugging and praising him to high heaven, almost making Aalto blush uncomfortably until he could free himself.

“I got a second ticket, actually,” Aalto revealed, “You can have it if there’s someone specific you want to go with, but if you don’t mind, I’ll go with you.”

“Sure! It’s gonna be a ton of fun!” Ro cheered and clasped his hands together but then realized, “Wait, you don’t like the music though.”

“It’s not like I hate it,” Aalto said with a shrug, “Besides, I rarely get to see Cal now that I moved away and he’s always on the road anyway. Gotta hunt him down for a second of his time. Besides…” He showed a sneaky grin. “If I'm there and Cal knows that I'm there, it's only right I introduce you to him and vice versa.”

Ro stared at him like he was a Messiah, then spun and jumped on the spot, cheering, “You are literally the best, Aalto!”

“Yeah, I get that a lot,” he laughed and watched Ron's victory dance. How endearing that sight was…

That same day, Ro went to his favorite neighborhood stationary store to buy an archaic paper calendar (with motivational quotes and pictures of kittens) for the explicit purpose to mark the date of the concert and his birthday. ‘Ghost Hounds!!!’ The calendar now proudly announced. He counted how many days he'd have to wait. Sixty-nine. Two months and three weeks and a few more days.

The calendar was the first thing to decorate the walls of his room, right next to the window under which his bed stood. A Ghost Hounds poster soon found its spot next to it, the cover art of A Little Calamity, the album his favorite song was on. A second poster followed, this one showing the three band members posing for the camera. Calcharo in front with his bass slung around his shoulders, Encore, who looked laughably short next to him, on his left with her signature red and pink electric guitar, and then a little bit behind them was Mortefi sitting by his drum set. Ro dared to hope that he'd get the poster signed by all three of them. It would be a dream come true.

Every day upon going to sleep, Ro crossed off another day, watching the concert come closer and closer. Two months became six weeks, then four, then two, one week, three days, and finally! The day was there.

It was a Saturday, and despite his immeasurable excitement, Ro had been able to sleep in in preparation for his long night. It was almost noon when Aalto knocked on his door.

“Rise and shine, birthday boy!” He said with a wide grin.

Ro tiredly lifted his head out of his sheets and blinked at him. His hair was a mess, the black strands thoroughly disheveled. He looked like he had about zero idea of where or who he was.

Aalto walked to the bed and crouched next to it to get on eye level with him.

“Gotcha something,” he said and presented a cupcake on his palm, “I didn’t know what you like so I went for red velvet, the classic.”

“Hm?” Ro groaned and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, “Cake? For me?”

“Of course!” Aalto said, “Again, it’s your birthday. You know what that means.”

“Birthday,” Ro muttered and turned over to look at his calendar. There were no more days left to cross off. Today was the day. The day marked in red and circled thrice over. ‘Ghost Hounds!!!’

“Holy fuck!” Ro suddenly exploded and pushed his blanket away, practically falling out of his bed, “It’s the day! The day is here! Ghost Hounds!”

“Easy there,” Aalto placated him, “Cake first. Everything else later.”

He presented his cupcake again and Ro smiled, accepting the small pastry. “You’re right. Let’s share.”

“I already had breakfast,” Aalto waved him off and sat in Ro’s desk chair, watching him peel away the paper from the cake and taking a hearty bite, “Good?”

“Sho good,” Ro said with a full mouth, closing his eyes in delight, “Thanks Aalto.”

“You’re welcome.” Aalto grinned and pulled out his phone. “Cal texted me earlier, they made it to Jinzhou and are setting up. What’s the location called again?”

“Dragon’s Nest,” Ro said without hesitation, “Small club downtown. Why did they pick such a small venue, anyway?”

“Cal said they didn’t expect that kinda interest,” Aalto said with a shrug, “Ghost Hounds are almost more famous in Huanglong than in the New Fed.”

“Huh,” Ro said in thought, “Who would’ve guessed.”

“Anything you wanna do on your special day?” Aalto asked, aimlessly spinning in circles on his chair.

Ro shook his head. “I have to mentally prepare. I still can’t believe I’m actually going to see the Ghost Hounds live.”

“Not just see,” Aalto corrected him, “Meet. Thanks to your super special best friend and his premium network.”

Ro squealed.

The two continued casually chatting while Ro answered some happy birthday texts.

“Hey, what are you wearing later?” Ro asked at some point.

Aalto looked down on himself. Blue jeans, plain white t-shirt. “This?” He asked.

“Fair.” Ro nodded and eyed his closet. “Can you help me pick something?”

Aalto sighed, “Sure.”

Ro sent him out of his room and went to shower, then picked out an outfit he always felt comfortable in. Dark blue suit pants and a white button-down. However, when he went into the living room to show off, Aalto only briefly looked up from his phone and said, “Too formal.”

Ro grumbled and went to change. Cargo pants and a way oversized shirt with a graphic print.

“Too casual,” Aalto judged.

“Bruh,” Ro complained, but went back to the drawing board regardless. Next on the list was a pair of shorts and a bright yellow crew neck long sleeve.

“Hmm,” Aalto hesitated for a moment, “That’s gonna make you stand out for sure, but don’t wear shorts to a concert.”

“Why not?” Ro asked, confused.

“I dunno,” Aalto said with a shrug, “Just don’t.”

“Fine,” Ro groaned, and this time he dug deep in his closet to find the clothes he rarely wore and wouldn’t show himself in anywhere. Either because he lacked an occasion or wasn’t comfortable enough to flaunt them. But if not today, then when would he ever?

He walked into the living room again, provocatively asking, “What do you have to say about this, huh?”

Aalto looked him up and down, blinked, looked some more, and finally said, “That’s the one. Damn, Ro.”

Ro did a little spin, smiling timidly. He was donning a sleeveless cotton top with a high collar, black and tight. Not obnoxiously so, but it did show off his figure flatteringly. As did his black jeans, ripped at the knees and thighs, washed out and a bit rugged.

“Glad that that’s settled,” Ro sighed, satisfied.

“Wanna head out?” Aalto asked, “It’s sill a bit early, but we could grab a bite before the show.”

“Sure,” Ro agreed. At this point he was glad for any distraction from the excitement churning his stomach. It felt like his intestines were a bunch of writhing knots and coils, and he felt so incredibly nervous. The only thing that helped was to not think about the gig later, but it was hard, no, impossible not to think about it. He was a mess. An excited, giddy mess.

Aalto tried to make some sort of sensible conversation, but there was no getting through to him. While they ate Panhua’s signature ramen, all Ro could talk about was the concert. What songs would they play? In which order? Aalto knew barely any of their songs so he couldn’t contribute much. Would he laugh at Ro if he sang along out of tune? He promised not to. Would he tell Calcharo how obsessed he was with him? No, of course not. Aalto didn’t want to embarrass his friend. What was Calcharo like, anyway? He’d see, Aalto told him, getting mildly annoyed.

Soon enough it was time to head to the venue. The Dragon’s Nest was a small club with only two floors and a bar in the corner. It often hosted concerts of lesser known bands that weren’t popular enough to fill stadiums, hence the vibe was more personal, intimate, almost.

With their VIP passes, Aalto and Ro could skip the long line in front of the entrance to the club, and they were corralled into an area right in front of the stage, literally the best seats in the house. Except there were no seats. It was standing only. The venue wasn’t packed, but it certainly was more comfortable in the VIP area where they didn’t have to stand shoulder to shoulder with their neighbors. Ro continuously shifted his weight from one foot to the other and kept telling Aalto how crazy this all was and that he couldn’t believe that they were here and it was less than half an hour before the concert was set to begin.

Having enough of his fangirling, Aalto excused himself under the guise of getting drinks for them both, which he actually did, but in reality he just wanted to catch a short break.

Aalto returned just as the lights in the room dimmed, and he almost didn’t find his way back if it weren’t for Ro squealing and raving.

“It’s starting!” He roared and absentmindedly chugged half of the whiskey coke Aalto handed him in one go, “It’s really starting!”

The room was fully dark now, and the crowd grew silent. Then, the first sounds of drums, a light on the left of the stage, and Mortefi, the drummer, under it, already giving his all. Another light, this one on the right-hand side, tracking Encore who gave the crowd a double thumbs up before strumming the first riff on her guitar, and it was one Ro would’ve recognized anywhere.

“That’s Between Me and the Devil!” Ro screamed, grabbing onto Aalto’s arm so hard it hurt, “That’s my favorite song!”

“Wow!” Aalto shouted back, “They’re opening with your favorite song? What a surprise!”

Ro was oblivious to his sarcasm, he was too busy biting on his lips, waiting for the vocals to kick in. Calcharo was still nowhere to be seen, though he already played the bassline, but then…

“Hey! I don’t know where I’m goin’...”

The first line. Ro heard his voice and was ready to faint.

“But you know where I’ve been…”

The central lights finally flared up, shining down on pure white hair and a shiny, ultra-violet bass played by nimble fingers belonging to the revered lead singer.

Aalto noticed Ro grow completely silent by his side and looked over to find him stare upwards, following every single one of Calcharo’s motions, utterly awestruck.

Calcharo finished the first verse, and into an instrumental break said, “Hello Jinzhou!”

The crowd roared.

“How are you doing?”

The crowd screamed.

“Hell yeah!” Calcharo called out, “I know you’ve been waiting for us, and we’re going to make this a night you won't forget! You ready?!”

The crowd thunderously sounded out their approval, and Calcharo took it as a sign to pick up his bass again and pour out his heart into the chorus, with Encore delivering powerful backup vocals and Mortefi going wild on his drums.

Ro’s eyes were swimming in tears of helpless euphoria, and his heart beat to the song that was so special to him. He was pulled into the rapture that was unlike anything he’d ever experienced as he watched the musicians perform their passion turned music. It was an eternity but just a blink at the same time, so much in so few minutes, but still the better part of two hours passed, filled with song after song. For some, Calcharo took a backseat and let Encore have the lead, and she shredded her guitar like no tomorrow, delivering vocals that were so powerful that no one could have guessed they’d come from this pink-haired girl with the small stature.

Mortefi had his chance to shine during the numerous drum solos, and Ro realized they were different from all the recordings he knew. Mortefi was improvising, freestyling live, whipping up new rhythms and tunes on the spot. The chemistry between the band members was impeccable, they complemented each other perfectly, an entirely new whole growing from them as parts.

After playing all songs from First Last Time, the album this tour was meant to honor, as well as many of their fan’s favorites, Calcharo signaled a break and leaned onto the stand of his microphone.

“I know it’s the last thing you want to hear,” he began, his voice slightly hoarse from his extortion, “but we’re through with our planned line-up.”

Sad crowd noises ensued.

“But!” Calcharo sparked hope, “There’s still one thing we gotta do.” He cast his eyes over his eager onlookers that hung to his every word. “A little birdie told me that we have a special guest tonight. Someone here has completed another trip ‘round the sun, and that deserves a celebration, don’t you think?”

Despite barely knowing what he was going on about, the crowd cheered. Ro raised his eyebrows and glanced at Aalto who was trying hard to keep his grinning in check.

“We wanted to keep it a secret for a while longer, but we’re already hard at work on our next album, and you’re the first ever people to get an exclusive first listen of our newest song, Bad News.” Calcharo found Aalto in the first row, then looked over, met Ro’s eyes and pointed at him. And everything else faded away when he said,  “Ro, this one’s for you!”

Ro stopped feeling the ground beneath his feet, stopped smelling the sweat of so many bodies moving as one, stopped hearing the crowd going absolutely wild for the last time. He  could only perceive the beat of Mortefi’s drums, the hum of Calcharo’s bass, and the tune Encore strummed on her guitar. And he only saw him.

“You’ve heard the rumors

I know they’re pretty bad

The only thing worse than the rumors

Are the cold heart facts

I ain’t no angel

But maybe you like it like that…”

Maybe Calcharo wasn’t an angel, but he looked like one, surrounded by the colorful flood lights reflecting off his hair, painting a halo around him. And Ro did like it like that. It was one of the best sights of his life.

“Mama told me

I always was a problem child

But Lord knows I never had a problem getting wild

I know some back roads, baby

If you wanna get lost for a while…”

Ro did want to get lost. Or maybe he already was. Lost in the performance, lost in the rush of watching Calcharo and his band go all out for a final time this night. He almost forgot to take notice of the song that was fast-paced and energetic like all Ghost Hounds songs but still felt like a different flavor, a new spin on everything their fans loved most.

“I'm bad news

I bet you heard about that

Yeah, I'm bad news and bad news travels fast

Hey!”

The Chorus shook the ground, or maybe it was the jumps of the crowd moving in sync, encouraged by Calcharo who raised his arms and walked around on stage, hopping and dancing with way more energy than he should have had left over after two hours of exerting himself like that.

Ro stood still through it all, wholly in disbelief that this was supposedly for him, out of all these people. This global premiere was dedicated to him, and it made tears stream down his face while he grinned from ear to ear. This was the best night of his life. Period.

The Ghost Hounds delivered the rest of the song and ended it to thunderous applause.

“Thank you, Jinzhou!” Calcharo called and bowed, “You were fucking amazing! We’ll be back for sure, but for now, take care, get home safe, and always, always keep your fangs sharp!”

Under more cheers and roars, the stage went dark, and when the lights in the room came back on, Calcharo, Mortefi, and Encore were gone.

---

All lyrics and song titles are from the real life band Ghost Hounds. Go listen to them if you like what you read here.

AO3 link to the whole fic

[pastelbatfandoms]

The Red Widow- A Marvel AU

A/N: This is an Alternate Timeline set in the Marvel universe. As I am a reality shifter and this is one of My Desired Realities, most of what I write come from memories as Lilianne mixed with scenarios. So if things seem out of chronological order or "characters" seem different that is why. Also Black Widow is still alive in this.

Part 1

My name is Lilianne Liandre'. But you may know me by My vigilante name Shadow, an Agent of Shield, part time Avenger and X-Men (Woman) but before that I was...well let me start at the beginning.

I don't remember much of my childhood in Canada if I even had one...other than I could speak french and english. My parents and I moved around a lot, then there was a year of my life missing when I was around 6 or 7 I'm still not sure.

But I was told an organization took me in, convinced I had powers they could use, but gave up once they figured out I wasn't ready to learn how to control them.

My parents and I moved to Ohio,that was when I met and became close friends with Natasha and Yelena Romanov. Natasha taught me how to fight, where she learned it she never told me.

Then My parents died in a car accident when I was 9 years old, later I learned it was no accident. I was taken by that same organization that called themselves Hydra, for something called The Widow Project.

It was 1995 I was reunited briefly with Natasha and Yelena but they seperated us again, the sisters went with other girls crammed together in one military vehicle while I was taken by someone who they thought could control my shadows, my literal demons. A master of Mind Control, Baron Zemo...

Where I would be known as The Red Widow.

28 years later...

I woke up in a cold sweat again, another nightmare, the same place like every night. That damn Red Room, the memories haunting me of being strapped down while they tore me from the inside out at only 12 years old.

A familiar russian male accent, calming me, the words soothing "It'll be fine Princess. You can handle this, just a bit more." Zemo did nothing to stop them though even as I begged him too, as he placed his hands on either side of my head and I screamed as they took my choice away.

I gripped the sheets, willing the memories away, as I got up. Even so I punched the wall angrily making a large hole into it, damn super strength powers, the serum hadn't made us super soldiers like Bucky or Steve but we had above average strength and agility.

Shaking off the nightmare that was all too real. I looked around the room, confused at first then remembered this wasn't my room it was a guest room and it belonged to Baron Zemo...yes that Zemo, my mentor, my tormentor (or at least accomplice) and former lover for 10 years until I'd escaped with the help of Bucky Barnes then The Winter Soldier.

I was upset with Bucky for breaking Zemo out of prison, but he insisted we needed his help, so I let it go for now. I didn't have much choice in the matter, I mean I could leave but I didn't want to leave Sam and Bucky high and dry against The Flag Smashers (stupid name btw) especially since Bucky was My boyfriend now.

Oh did I forget to mention that? Yeah we've been dating for awhile ever since we reunited after the snap....Although the reunion didn't start off great.

4 years earlier...

A hand made of vibranium wrapped around my throat, slamming me hard against the wall outside the apartments in Budapest. His icy blue eyes stared into my hazel one's, emotionless and cold. "For the last and final time...who are you?" He ground out his tone sending shivers down my spine.

"Bucky...It's Lili, you don't...remember me..." I gasped around his strong hold.

He froze then, his expression changing as he realized who I was finally. We had been fighting for over an hour, it was about time he remembered me. His grip eased as he released his hold on. His breathing uneven and and his eyes wide with shock. "L-Lilianne?" His voice hoarse with disbelief.

I took a breath, smiling in relief. "Didn't think that would work...Hey Buck."

"I can't believe it. I-It's been too long. You're actually here. It's you." Bucky reached out to touch my face but froze at the last second, his expression faltering before he continued. "So much has changed." He muttered. It was impossible for him to hide his surprise. The snap had only been a year but to them it felt like 5 and it showed the year had left their mark on both of us.

I looked down for a moment. "I know...Maybe we should go somewhere else to talk."

Bucky nodded in agreement, "Yes that would be...smart." His tone as serious as his expression. It was clear a lot was on his mind, I could feel the tension in the air as we walked side by side.

"Let's go to my place. It's more secure." Okay so it wasn't actually my place it was Natasha's she was letting me use it until she got back...whenever that might be....I grabbed the keys opening the tall ornate but worn doors.

The place was small but cute despite being an assassin Natasha had good taste, but then so did I if I say so myself. Even if mine was more on the alternative side and hers was more kitschy.

we walked through the living room and straight through to the kitchen as I opened the retro fridge trying to appear calmer than I felt as I rummaged through it before finding some drinks. "Beer?" I offered him, holding up the glass bottles.

I could feel his eyes boring a hole into me, noticing how different yet the same I was. He nodded, "Sure." His response seemed nervous as he took the bottle I offered him and sat at the round table in the center of the kitchen, the chairs mismatched in bright orange and teal but still cute.

I stood then staring at him, trying to appear calm, detached like I had been bred for but inside I was a jumble of nerves same as him. "So how'd you find me? Where did you think I was this whole time?"

Bucky opened the bottle then taking a drink. After a moment he took a breath, setting the bottle down. "I don't know...I looked all over for you after the snap...when I couldn't find you I panicked...I started thinking the worst. I thought something had happened again." His eyes dropped to the table not looking at me.

I took a sip of my beer, surprised. "Really? last I heard you didn't care what happened to me, I was just a burden. Something you to deal with." But to me he had been my everything. I thought.

A look of confusion spread over his face for a moment before the memories started to resurface, of how he treated her, basically ignoring her while in The Avengers and then going back into cryo sleep. "I was scared after what had happened before...after what I was made to do. I thought it better to keep my distance then risk hurting you that way." His voice was quiet, the regret in his eyes clear.

I just looked at him then still upset. "The Winter Soldier's words then...not yours?"

Bucky gave a small nod, "Yeah, I...the time I spent as The Winter Soldier has always been hazy. I was on edge, paranoid most the time, hoping I wouldn't lose my mind again. I was different then, nothing like I am now. So yes those words were his."

I gave a small nod of my own, not looking at him, "I thought so. Are you better now?" I asked. Well as better as we could be, I knew working for Hydra what they did to the human psyche. Saw what they did to him, what Zemo did to both of us...I took a breath, willing the memories away.

Bucky sat in silence for a few minuetes, reflecting on my question as he tried to find the right words, "Yes, I mean I'm a lot less on edge then before. After everything that I happened, I've had time to make amends to change, I'm still working on it."

I gave a sad smile with a nod, "Me too. I found a balance. I don't work with just shadow anymore." A glow seemed to light up around me then faded as I said that.

Bucky raised an eyebrow in curiosity at that, leaning forward. "You learned more? You use light as well now?" Bucky hadn't thought someone could control both light and shadow.

"Yes. Well Lucifer's lighter side. Demon's don't just work in the darkness. I've been laying low but I do still help The Avengers and XMen occasionally. I'm sorry I wasn't able to do more against Thanos, it's just The XMen needed me and I was helping Yelena."

Bucky nodded in understanding, he knew we had also been avoiding each other at the time. Which seemed petty in the scheme of things. The new information about the demons though surprised him, he knew I was into magic, that I had that potential that's why Hydra had wanted me after all but... "So you actively work with the demons now like as equals? So you can control light and shadow?" His expression was stil stoic but I could see a flicker of something else in his eyes.

I smirked, "Ah yes I was still developing that when you met me...still just being an agent. I can still fight as you saw but yeah things are different now."

Bucky looked impressed, his voice laced with admiration and interest. "I had no idea you were so powerful...controlling both light and shadow. You may be able to give Wanda a run for her money."

I smirked at that. Knowing she had been the one to teach me how to practice real magic, as well Magneto but I decided not to mention that...only replying with, "I had to do something. I only ever worked with them for small things before and what Zemo tried to get out of me...but after I left Hydra and Shield, I made some more deals, they helped protect me." Illyana Rasputin had been the one to introduce me to most of them.

Bucky nodded, still trying to process what I told him. "Makes sense. You said you were laying low after the snap, what have you been doing all this time?"

I sat down across from Bucky then as I answered, "Odd jobs mostly. I've also been working with Natasha and Clint, they needed help with some young supers. I met Kate Bishop, I like her, we became fast friends. But otherwise I've been trying to lay low, May and Coulson know where I am but thankfully they haven't been pressuring me to come back to Shield."

Bucky listened intently at me, then said "Sounds like things have worked out for you. Have you ever thought about coming back to Shield? Maybe we could work together again?"

I looked at him, frowning. "Aren't you worried? what if Hydra tried to infiltrate again?"

Bucky paused at that, as he seemed to mull it over, leaning back his eyes wandered from mine as he gave a small shrug. "Honestly? I haven't had the chance to worry much about it. I've been more focused on...other things."

I look curiously at him now, "Such as?"

The corners of his mouth turned upward slightly as he met my eyes. The look on his face hinted at what or rather who he was referring to. He seemed unsure how to say it but ultimately gave in and spoke, "Such as...you. I've spent the last year thinking about you. I've missed you."

But not enough to come find me....I hesitated for a moment before replying, "I missed you too...despite everything that happened..."

"Despite everything, despite what I said and did. I regret letting you go and I...I'm sorry." It was the closest he'd ever come to apologizing and I knew it took alot for him to say that.

"It's alright...I know you were just protecting me by getting me out of Hydra. I get that you coming after me also wasn't personal, that they made you." I replied a bit softer than before, referring to when he was still The Winter Soldier.

Bucky nodded glad I understood him for who he really was not who they had made him. "It wasn't personal, you know I would never want to hurt you." He said softly looking into my eyes.

"I know." I looked up at him then not being able to contain the emotions in my eyes. Despite the fear of getting hurt again, of losing each other, the feelings I held for him never went away no matter how much I had tried to bury them.

Bucky couldn't help notice the emotions in my eyes. Seeing how much I cared, I always had. "I...I thought I'd lost you. I've carried that guilt with me for a long time. i felt powerless, I couldn't do anything to protect you, I couldn't stop them from...." A sigh left his lips as he shut his eyes to try and block the memories, of Zemo making him hunt me down, to either bring me back or kill me...

I wanted nothing more than to hug him then but I held back speaking softly, "Hey we were both being controlled. You had no choice...I get it...I honestly never thought I'd see you again."

Bucky shifted his eyes from mine, I noticed his hand squeeze around the beer bottle trying to keep his emotions in control. "I'm glad you get it....and I know...I didn't think I'd ever see you again either."

I notice his change in demeanor and knowing he was not good with emotions decided to change the subject. "Oh I heard your working with Sam Wilson now? Falcon? Here I thought you didn't get along."

Bucky laughed slightly a bit embarrassed, taking a swig of his beer before replying,"Sam and I have our disagreements sure...but we work well together. Though I will admit when I first heard he was going to be the new Captain America, I was not impressed."

"Of course not. Wish it was you?" I give him a knowing look, Bucky had been Steve's best friend for well centuries of course he'd feel like he deserved it more...or maybe he didn't and that was the issue.

Bucky looked at me his eyes widening in surprise as he chuckled and shook his head. "You know me too well. Though I think it was for the best. I think Steve would want Sam to be Captain America...It's a different lifestyle, one I'm not entirely ready for. I feel like Steve was made for it literally. whereas I fit better with the fighting and action. I'm not sure if I'm ready for a role like that. At least not now anyway."

I nod in understanding, "I get it. Despite my new...gifts. I'm not sure I want to be front and center or a leader again."

Bucky couldn't help but laugh at the irony that the both of us held so much power yet were content staying in the shadows. "I guess that makes two of us. We're more suited to the fight, not the politics. I don't know about you but I prefer the chaos to those meetings."

"Definitely. I knew there was a reason we got along." i joked. Not like we weren't similar in other ways...

Bucky seemed to relax more then I noticed. he took a long sip of his beer, I noticed his eyes roam over me. And took a sip of my own beer,smirking.

"You know me so well...maybe too well." A playful smirk crossed his lips but he was only half joking.

"Same goes for you." I agreed looking at him, "But that's not a bad thing right?"

"I guess not..." The playfulness in his tone disappeared then, his growing more serious. "I guess we have always been close...you always knew what I was thinking, didn't you?" Bucky shifted in his chair, turning slightly to avoid looking at me. I could tell he was reliving something he didn't want to.

I narrowed my eyes in concern, "Yeah like right now...Bucky what's wrong?"

Bucky took a deep breath before answering, "It's just that...I'm remembering things. The memories have been resurfacing and their bringing back other feelings I was suppressing. I know it's stupid but I don't like thinking about the time I was with Hydra...or when we fought...I never want to be that person again."

I nod in understanding. Knowing just what memories he was thinking of, not just being brainwashed and coming after me but the same thing happening to me as well. "Yeah...me either, trust me those demons are a lot harder to deal with then the real ones."

"that's the thing..." Bucky shifted in his chair, leaning on the table. his voice becoming more gentle, "You're a survivor...I should have known you'd be able to handle yourself as everything that happened."

I sighed,looking down. "I shouldn't have to deal though...WE shouldn't have too." Then I asked him "Do you still get nightmares?"

A hint of sadness crossed Bucky's face then as he nodded, "Yeah...I still get them...you too?"

"Yeah. Almost every night. My guardian demons try and protect me but they can only do so much." Not to compare but Bucky had been an adult when all that happened. Lilianne had been a child, for along time Hydra was all she knew...

Bucky looked pained at my answer, "I'm sorry...I'd take them from you if I could. I know how hard they are to deal with..."

"I know you would. I am grateful you got me out when you did, yeah I was almost an adult and Hydra ended up infiltrating Shield anyway...but at least you tried." I smile at him, wanting to take his hand but not sure if it was time yet.

Bucky looked at me, knowing what I wanted he held out his hand towards me. I smiled at him, squeezing his hand.

"I'm glad our reunion didn't end up in a fight well mostly." I grinned.

Bucky laughed softly, "I guess I've mellowed out with age. You did try and kick my ass."

I scoffed, "You started it. That metal arm of yours hasn't lost it's grip that's for sure."

Bucky smiled back, "That's true. And you haven't lost your touch either. those kicks are still powerful."

"Good to know training teenagers hasn't made me weak." I joked.

Bucky laughed, his eyes lighting up in amusement, "I don't know anyone else that can fight that good, especially with how small you are." He joked.

"I mean I was trained by The Black Widow and then was made leader of The Widows which was ironic." I mused.

Bucky chuckled at that, "I always thought it was strange and ironic for a teenage girl to lead The Widows. I guess being around them helped your skills..."

"Oh yeah I mean I had no choice really..." I trail off at the memories then try and lighten the mood again. "But I'm glad I haven't gotten rusty."

Bucky seems to know what memories I'm referring too, he had been Natasha's instructor in The Red Room after all. But he didn't bring it up, instead he smiled and said "I think you could still kick my ass in a fight...again."

"Wanna bet?" I smirk giving him a look.

A smile spread across his face then, I had his attention now and he was intrigued. He'd never pass up a chance to spar with me. Bucky looks at me a small smirk and hint of confidence appearing on his face. "You think you could still take me?"

"I know I could." I grinned back.

"Is that so? You think you have the upper hand?"

Suddenly I disappear into shadows only to reappear behind him. "I know so." I whisper into his ear.

I noticed Bucky's breath catch in his throat, the smug smile turning into an amused chuckle, "Alright then, I won't argue with that. Maybe you do have an advantage." Bucky gets up from the chair now turning to face me, grinning in amusement.

"Alright I'll make it easy on you. No powers. just strength and skill." I smirk backing away and geasutering for him to come towards me, it had been awhile since I'd had real competition. I was also glad I had worn my black tactical outfit instead of street clothes.

"Deal." Bucky nodded, stepping up. "Cmon on then." I wink at him.

Bucky smiled back at me before raising his fists, waiting for me to make the first move, to see what my strategy would be no doubt. His eyes glued to mine. More than ready.

I smirk, feinting a left kick then use the wall to push off into the air and kick him with my right leg.

The sudden kick catches him by surprise, my move faster than expected as I kick the side of him sending him back a few feet. Bucky kept his composure though raising his guard against me. He took a defensive stance not wanting to leave himself open again. This fight wouldn't be so simple.

I notice his stance, getting him off his feet wouldn't be so easy. Good thing I was quick. I used my momentum to leap over Bucky then, "Surprise." Putting a foot in front of his to catch him off guard. "No one said we had to fight fair."

To be continued...

A/N: Thought this was getting too long, more sparring with Bucky will continue in part 2 and a bit of Angst...cause we know how he is with feelings.

Part 2

[sexyvampkitty]

RP Solo...’Dangerous Game’

[TRIGGER WARNING: Blood and violent sex.] *Mid-morning...* I stir awake in bed...next to my boyfriend...stretching slowly...wincing at the slight pain as I do so...feeling deliciously sore...in all the right places. Climbing out of bed...walking around the bed softly so as not to wake Damon up...I head into the shower...turning the water on and stepping inside...after adjusting to the right temperature...letting the warm droplets wash over me...thinking back on the events of last night... It all started out innocently enough...on my part anyways. Damon wanted me to give 'Sexcalibur' more attention...but I refused...opting for something that I haven't done in a 'long' time...play a game of hide and go seek. After unzipping and unbuttoning his pants...pulling them down slowly and leaving them tangled around his ankles...with him standing there in nothing but his black boxers...I turned around and dashed back into the house...ducking into a closet in the front hallway...walking inside before closing the door and crouching down low on the floor. While I was running...I could hear Damon close on my heels...and he sounded 'pissed'...warning me that if he got his fangs into me that he would make me sore...a heavy tone of anger coloring his voice. Still...I didn't dare move from my spot...not yet. If he wanted me that bad...he was going to have to work for it. It was a risky move...I realize that now...but...I can't lie...hearing him that like...it was kind of 'hot'...and would I do it again? Hell yes. Plus I wanted to see just how far I could push him. Am I a bitch sometimes? Totally. I stayed crouched in my spot for several moments...silent...waiting...until I heard Damon slam open the door and begin to stomp through the house...walking right by the closet...growling out my name and warning me that he would eventually find me and then...but he never finished that sentence. When I was sure that he was far enough away from me...I dashed from the closet...heading toward the stairs...vamp speeding up them and into one of the many guest rooms...ducking into another closet. This continued for what seemed like forever...with me running and hiding...and Damon searching...sounding more pissed by the second. My mistake was made when I accidentally ended up in the closet in his room. Oops. That was 'way' too easy...but it was too late by then. I could hear his footsteps approaching...and I had nowhere else to go. A few minutes later...the door was yanked open and Damon was standing over me...hands clenched into fists at his sides...eyes darkening to almost a black color...his lips pulled back from his teeth in a snarl...the tips of his fangs poking through...and yet...as my eyes flickered down to his pants...I could see something else...a large bulge as his growing erection was straining to break free from the material. Damn...my little chase had actually turned him on...and...it had also turned me on as well...since I could already feel wetness gathering between my legs. Damon stood there...not moving...sniffing the air...obviously able to smell my growing arousal. 'Sarc, Sarc, Sarc'. He 'tsked'. 'How naughty of you. That wasn't nice. I warned you what would happen when I found you...didn't I?' I nodded my head slowly...even though 'technically' he hadn't been very specific...licking my lips in anticipation...and only a tiny bit of fear. Without uttering another word...he lifted me off of the floor...carried me the short distance to the bed...dropped me down on it...and then quickly tore my clothes off...literally. Placing a hand on my stomach...holding me down...he quickly rid himself of his boxes...kicking them to the side...his 'very' impressive erection now free...a bead of moisture glistening from the tip...and climbed onto the bed...leaning over top of me. Lifting his hand from my stomach...he grabbed both of my wrists in one of his hands...raising them above my head to pin them to the bed. With his other hand...he spread my thighs apart roughly...placed the tip of his swollen cock at my entrance and entered me in one single, powerful thrust...pushing inside me until he was buried all the way to the hilt. Not bothering with a slow, easy rhythm this time...he began to move in and out of me in a fast, violent pace...slamming me into the bed over and over...my hips struggling to keep up as they bucked into his...while he more or less commanded me to tell him how much I wanted him to 'fuck' me...over and over again...among other things that I wouldn't be able to remember later. At the time, I was too distracted to even care. I suddenly screamed out as his fangs sank into my left breast...sucking greedily at my blood...the pain and the pleasure instantly blending into one...warmth reaching deep into my core. After taking only a few sips...he pulled back...doing the same thing with my other breast...taking the time to pay attention to my nipple...pulling it in between his teeth. I could already feel myself about to fall over the edge...when...he pulled his cock out of me...moving down my body until his head was level with my right thigh...and then he sank his fangs deep into my flesh...taking only a few sips before pulling away again. Still holding my wrists to the bed...he pulled back slightly...moving his head down...past my stomach...and further still...down towards my center. A loud moan slipped past my lips...turning into a growl as his fangs sank into my mound...before moving towards my entrance...his mouth seeking out and finding my clit. His lips closed over my sensitive bud of flesh...tongue stroking...licking...fangs scraping...it was enough to drive me crazy. He pulled back again...using his fingers to stroke my clit instead...while beginning to stroke his cock at the same time...moving up and down the length of his shaft at a fast pace...furiously trying to get himself off. It was enough to finally make me tumble over the edge into ecstasy and I yelled out his name as my whole body suddenly went rigid...my orgasm tearing through me...my wetness spilling all over his hand. He reached his release a few moments after...letting out another growl...eyes slipping half-closed as he shot his cum all over my stomach. When we both finally came back down again...a look of sadness settled on his face...his features slowly returning to normal. He quickly apologized...saying how sorry he was for what he'd done to me...and that he had no idea what had come over him to act that way. For my part, I had no clue what to say. After that, we both crashed into bed...wrapped in each others arms before drifting off to sleep...like everything was normal. Even now I wonder...am I sorry? Not really Is it wrong of me that I got turned on by his bad ass side? And what will he think of me if I reveal that to him? Will he think any less of me? Will he even still want me? But I can't think about that right now. All I want to do at the moment is finish getting cleaned up...crawl back into bed...snuggle up next to my sexy man again...and sleep for a few more hours... [END]

[keigosbirdie]

FEMALE READER VERSION

Of all Hawks’ secrets, you are the most well-kept.

Version: Female Reader version | Male Reader Version Links: Gifset (art only) | Mood Music

NIGHTHAWK Rating: Explicit   |   Word Count: 13k  | Art: 14 animations, 2 stills (Technically no spoilers, but if you aren’t caught up on the events of the manga you’ll be missing important context. The fic takes place after Hawks’ meeting with the commission.) Synopsis: Casual was the word you used when you first agreed to sleep together. As weeks turned into months turned into a year, those quick and dirty nights blossomed into private moments that earned him little pieces of you. Warnings: Dom!Hawks, Nurse!Reader, animalistic behavior, rough sex, quirk/feather play, light bondage, biting, praise kink, hurt/comfort, secret relationship, talk of past lovers, mentions of death, panic attacks, PTSD, mention of a past, non-canon event. Spicy, then bitter, then sweet.

There was nothing exceptional about your life from an outsider’s perspective. You lived in an apartment on the outskirts of Jaku City, unmarried and childless. During the day you attended medical school where you studied for your doctorate. During the evening you worked as a nurse in the intensive care unit. Then, when you were home, you sat alone for dinner at a kitchen table meant for two.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

For the past year, however, an occasional tap at your sixteenth-story window would break up the lonely monotony. The tap was quite a scandalous secret, not that anyone would believe you if you let it slip. Even you still had a hard time accepting the bizarre reality of the situation; but it was real. Just as real his voice, which you could hear echoing faintly through your apartment.

You glanced up from your lukewarm dinner and dropped your fork. For a long moment, you sat in silence, listening intently until you heard it again. It was him; it was his voice. Your heart pounded against your ribs as you shoved out of your chair and jogged to the window. The part between your curtains opened, but when you peeked through you saw only the glow of city lights below a blanket of darkness.

A frown found your face, and a sigh spilled past your lips. You heard his voice; you would never mistake it for another. It echoed casually against your dim walls again, and you turned your head towards the sweet sound. The television was on in the living room. Your heart dropped at the realization. The little square thing sat on your end table and taunted you with his image. 

There he was. Hawks, the winged hero, being interviewed by a woman in a pantsuit. It wasn’t often he did interviews, so you left your dinner to go cold in favor of watching the program.

He was dressed in his hero costume, his visor lifted to rest atop his blond, wind-whipped hair, and his scarlet wings folded politely against his back. A wide grin graced his face as he exchanged charming banter with the woman. She seemed enamored with his expression, but she didn't know him like you knew him. He was smiling, yes, but the edges of his eyes were crinkled with tension. When he chuckled, his wings folded a little harder against his back. His beats of laughter were calculated. Uncomfortable, that's what he was.

He’d been that way a lot lately.

"So, I'm sorry, I have to ask- Every bachelorette in the country is wondering, is there any special lady in your life?" the interviewer asked. It was airy and friendly in intent, but your lip twitched with faint annoyance anyway. Your face fell slack and you leaned back into your chair. 

"Well, I don't know about every bachelorette," he quipped. His face was a little grainy on your old TV screen, but you could see the slight pink in his cheeks. He was cute. So, very cute. It made you miss him that much more. "But my personal life, well, how alluring would I be if I didn't keep a few things a mystery?"

And a mystery it was, to everyone but you.

Thankfully, the woman interviewing him had enough tact to know when to move on. Their conversation mercifully veered away from his sex life—your sex life—and towards his agency. The television was a wondrous thing. His voice rang through your home despite his absence. It brought sadness, but also a bittersweet comfort. Viewing him live stung your soul. You watched until his interview ended with a commercial break, and then decided not to wait up for him again. That would only lead to another sleepless night. 

Still, the window remained unlocked for him as you called it a night. The yellow glow of your desk lamp died with a click, and you climbed into your bed. Sleep was always difficult. Many nights you laid awake as you thought about your ICU patients. The things you saw in the ward were enough to scar anyone. But if it wasn’t work that plagued your mind, it was him.

Casual was the word you’d used when you’d first agreed to sleep together. It was easy to swallow when he only snuck into your apartment at night for sex. For the first few months, that was it. He’d steal into your home through the cover of darkness and you’d share a violently passionate night. Then, he would vanish out your window until he craved you again. Which, thankfully, was often.

As weeks turned into months turned into a year, however, those quick and dirty nights blossomed into private moments that earned him little pieces of you. You realized you were in too deep when it became difficult to be unbothered by the casual daydreaming of others. His face was clipped to girls’ backpacks long before you knew him, but others, covered so openly in his merchandise, began to make you a touch bitter. His sex life had been speculated about in tabloids since his debut, but to keep your mouth shut while your friends contemplated the size of his penis became hurtful and emotionally taxing.

The only one you could confide those pains in was the man who unintentionally caused them, but Hawks was too sweet. If he knew just how much it tore you up, he’d surely break things off to spare you the misery.

You cursed yourself for getting lost in thoughts of him. Bemoaning the casual chatter of others as he gracefully balanced the weight of the world on his shoulders made you feel weak. You allowed your eyes to close, your breathing slowed, and your body relaxed into your mattress. By the mercy of whatever god watched over you, sleep slowly overtook all your other thoughts.

At least until a shuffle and a squeak made you toss in your sheets. A faint light spilled into your room from the window, and a coolness settled into your bed. You shivered. It was the fresh winter air from outside. The cold wasn't the only intruder. It was him. 

The light was dim, but a dark silhouette of flared wings blocked out the moonbeams. Your heart lurched in your chest at the dominant display. It was a habit of the bird in him to fluff up when his blood was hot. His predatory energy kept you submissively silent rather than greet him.

Floorboards creaked beneath his shoes. The pulls of their zippers clicked with the movement. His breath was heavy as he moved to your bed. You caught a vision of your lover’s face. Little flecks of snow followed in. They danced around the brilliance of his wings and settled into his hair. In the blue light of winter’s night, his gold eyes looked dazzling. They also harbored a glint of violence akin to the blown-out eyes of a predator in pursuit of prey.

It was a familiar look from the strange animal. He’d seemed so open and friendly when he’d first snuck into your hospital room to talk, but he shrugged away at hugs and only laughed awkwardly when you told him he was your best friend. He didn't understand that kind of closeness.

You’d learned how deep his discomfort ran through him when the relationship became sexual. His inept understanding of touch translated to violence in the bedroom. Sex was most comfortable for him when he thought of it as a battle. He'd hold you down and force you open. You'd dig teeth into his arms and rip out feathers with your fists. To submit to his pounding was capture, but to overstimulate him until he was too weak to hold you down was victory. Extreme? Perhaps to those who didn’t understand your trust in one another.

He'd at least offer a sappy hello before he pulled his dick out, though. Not tonight. He eyed you as if expecting you to run, as if he'd give chase if you decided to. Fuck, it caused the warmest tingle between your thighs. You’d missed him too badly to try to put up a fight.

He left his jacket abandoned on the floor, which offered a much better view of his slim body wrapped in his black bodysuit. His canines dug into the leather of his glove before he yanked his hand free with his teeth. You laid silent and already breathless. It'd been far too long since you last felt him. Your body was hot with need at the sight of his rigid wings alone. His eyes swept over you as he toyed with the front of his tan jeans. He didn't come very often in uniform. To watch him fondle himself through his costume was- god, was there a stronger word than ecstasy?

“I want you,” he said from your bedside.

"You can have me..." You breathed out. It was intended to sound sultry, but your tone was more akin to a pleading whisper. Your body ached for him before your heart did, after all. Old habits were hard to break.

"You've been waiting for me, like a good girl, haven’t you?" he cooed. Cooed, quite literally. A low and rumbling song reverberated from somewhere deep in his throat. Not a bit of you was avian, but your body reacted instinctively when you heard your mate's call.

"I should reward you."

His visor glinted in the dim light as he pulled it off his face and let it land on the floor. His earmuffs, too.

You bit down your grin as the weight of your mattress shifted under his knee. His ungloved hand neglected the bulge in his jeans to tend to you instead. Warm fingertips slipped beneath your covers and found the skin of your thigh. A small sigh spilled from his lips, and your body trembled.

"You missed my hands on you, didn't you?"

You only managed a nod as his fingers slid up and beneath your pajama top.

Your body sank deeper into your covers when he moved over you. One knee landed on either side of your hips. His bare hand played with your breast while the still gloved one ran through your hair. The leather of the glove was frigid from the cold, but his body radiated warmth. The sweetness of his cologne mingled with the harsh musk of sweat. The smell of him fogged your mind.

The pads of his fingers pinched and tugged at the pink bud he discovered on your chest, which earned him a harsh gasp.

"That's it. I love it when you sing like that," he chimed. His hot breath ghosted over the shell of your ear. Wefts of his hair brushed against your face as his teeth nibbled at your throat. You were trapped beneath the cage his body made. 

"These cute little tits of yours- god."

He wasn't usually so chatty when he was about to mount you, but every grumble that reverberated in his throat added to the tingle between your thighs. He could devour you whole and you would thank him for the honor.

Your hands slid up the sides of his tight bodysuit. The inky black fabric was harsh beneath your fingertips. You traced the patterns of its gold accents around to his back and up towards his wings. He stiffened when he felt you slide nearer to them. Between the plush feathers at the base of a wing, you wiggled a finger until you found the skin beneath. Then you gave the joint a brutal squeeze.

Instinctively, that glorious wing of his outstretched and shivered. The stems of his plumes flexed against your hand as they puffed twice their usual size. The longest of them brushed against the ceiling of your room, dwarfing your bodies beneath it.

You were always in awe of the sheer size and beauty of them.

"F-fuck. Not fair," he growled, and then his teeth sunk hard into your neck in vengeance. The harsh bite only made you desperate for more, so you fisted his feathers in your hand and gave a sharp yank. He gasped a hot breath into the nape of your neck. Fuck. You couldn't take the teasing anymore. 

Your hands relieved him of their cruelty to pull off your shirt. He faltered when your bare breasts were exposed. His golden irises became thin rings as the darkness of his pupils devoured them. The tip of his glistening tongue wetted his lips.

It was your turn to stare with sharp desire as you heard the click of his belt, then the pull of a zipper. You pushed yourself up to get a good view of him working his dick out of his bodysuit. The throbbing muscle hit him in the stomach. The sensation made him hiss between his teeth, and you whimpered in reply. 

"Hhm, you must be really hungry, the way you're staring at it," he mused before he spat into his palm and ran the wetness along the shaft. He quivered at the sensation. You quivered, too.

"Please." Your cheeks were flushed, and your chest quaked with desire. "I want to feel it, please." 

"Oh, don't worry. You’re gonna have all of this. Gotta get that pretty little pussy ready for my cock, though, don't we?" he hummed.

He reached into his plumage and pulled out a long, red feather. The thing wriggled between his pinched fingers as he presented it to you. The way it moved was unnatural, but you timidly took it in your grasp. The look on your face must have been telling of your confusion because he chuckled at your expression. He gave no direction. Instead, he watched with a mischievous curiosity as you turned it in your palm. The barbs vibrated independently of one another against your skin.

Your breath heaved when you realized why he had given it to you. His hands slid down your stomach as a pair of red feathers brushed against your sides. They dipped into the hem of your shorts, then pulled the fabric, sliding them down your legs until you were deprived of them. The cold from the open window seeped into your most sensitive places as his hands caressed your hips.

His fingertips stopped over a series of divots and deformities in your flesh. They were painful mementos of the night you met, and reminders of the sacrifice you had made for him a couple of years prior. He was a stranger when you chose to forgo your own survival to shield him from death. His bottom lip disappeared between his teeth as he relived the agony with you, but placed kisses all over the scars. It felt like a plea for forgiveness, so you ran a loving hand through his hair.

A soft sound spilled from him, and then his head dipped down to drink in the sight of your bare body. You were naked beneath your shorts, so he hummed through gritted teeth when he teased your legs apart. He'd seen it all many, many times before, but the sight of your glistening pink sex brought about his cooing again. The sound was a deep and beautiful melody unlike anything you'd ever heard, but also purely sexual. It was his body's call to yours. It beckoned you like a siren.

“No panties, huh?” he murmured. His breath hitched and vibrated with his lustful song. “You’re already so wet, my god… how about you put that feather of mine to use?”

He sat back on his haunches. Those narrow eyes bore holes into your exposed body as he spat another thick glob of saliva onto his palm. His hand found his cock. His eyelids fluttered at the contact and he groaned softly as he pumped around it. His eyes drank your every movement. 

You spread your legs for his gaze and then brought the pulsing feather between your thighs. He could feel through them, in a sense. The thought alone caused you to exhale a soft moan, but it was anything but soft when the vibration teased your sex. He groaned, too, at the contact. 

Your body flexed and wiggled when you pressed it hard against your clit. The sensation made your eyes roll back. Your slickness dampened its vanes despite its semi-hard state, and your hips ground into the pleasure. He observed. His hand pumped faster with each desperate whimper his feather worked out of you. 

It wasn't long before he couldn't take simply watching anymore. 

The roughness of his stubble dragged along your breast as he closed his teeth around one of your pink buds. He suckled, and your fingers tangled in his hair as his feather jolted from your grasp. It worked your clit without your help, and hot air blew from his nose as he jerked himself off. You used the distraction to sneak a hand between your bodies. You wanted the hot skin of his cock against you. You wanted to touch and play; to taste and feel. A thick whimper spilled out of him when you ensnared his throbbing dick in your palm and squeezed.

His feather stopped pleasing you.

"I didn’t give you permission to touch, did I?" His wings flexed. The feathered limbs grew massive as their quills stood on end in a frightening display. They were beautiful and plush, but deadly weapons all the same. “Testing me, huh? You're that desperate for my cock?”

Yes, fuck yes you were. You opened your mouth to reply, but your voice cut out when he grabbed you by the wrist. He jerked your hand away from his sex, and you whined. Usually, you were a bit of a hardass. It wasn’t easy to make you crumble, so he looked so devilishly proud of himself when you’d submit beneath the weight of him.

His teeth bared in a deliciously appealing smirk. "I’m gonna have to do something with these hands of yours if you’re gonna grab at shit without permission, yeah?"

You nodded a little too eagerly. His voice was heavy and deep with a depraved need to dominate you. To sully your skin with his desire. You weren’t going to stop him.

A cluster of feathers gathered in the air around you. You had nothing to fear, but watching them circle like small predators overhead made your heart pound against your ribs like a drum. They swarmed you and ensnared your wrists. The strength of his quirk easily had you overpowered. Your hands slammed into the headboard, pinned down by his feathers which trembled with excitement. You were now at his mercy.

“You’ll get your hands back when you’ve earned them,” he informed you through gritted teeth, but you were so mesmerized by the features of his face you hardly heard his words. Beautiful, that's what he was. You'd never told him how his appearance left you breathless. It could scare him away if you said such sweet things too often, but you’d held your heart back for so long it only felt fair to let it beat this once. 

“You’re so gorgeous,” you whispered.

He trembled. His eyes widened in startled confusion, and then his cheeks dusted the faintest shade of red. God, that only made your heart thump harder. His did, too; you could feel it rattle through his chest and against your stomach.

"What was that?"

You bit your lip, embarrassed, but echoed the statement a bit more sheepishly. "I said… you're gorgeous."

Your mattress groaned as he folded back onto his knees. The flaming red limbs on his back lowered until they rested against your sheets. Something about that sweet little compliment tore into him like nothing you had ever said before. That desire that flickered behind his eyes blazed out of control. His kisses landed on your knees before he placed a gentle caress of his lips on the innermost part of your thigh. So close to your pussy that the heat of his breath made you slick.

His other glove was abandoned somewhere on the floor, which rendered both his hands bare. A low groan spilled from him as he pressed his thumbs into either side of your heat. His jaw went slack and his breath erratic as he spread you open.

"So are you," he said, but it was muttered so softly you almost didn't hear.

His head dipped down. The tendrils that framed his forehead fell over your midriff as his tongue caressed your twitching flesh. The hot, wet muscle lapped hungrily between your folds. It flicked at your clit, and your legs trembled on either side of his head. His mouth working you open like that was enough to fog your mind entirely.

“You like that?” he cooed between the slurps of his mouth against you. "Oh, I bet you fucking do."

You replied with only a strangled whimper as you tugged uselessly at the feathers that bound you. You were desperate to comb your fingers through his downy hair, to fist it in your hands and press his face hard into you. A low chuckle flowed from his open mouth and tickled your flinching flesh. Another cry tore from your throat.

“My poor baby, so desperate,” he sighed after placing a kiss against your clit.

His poor baby. He hummed that phrase with such possessive intensity. He was right. Even if it was unspoken, you and your body belonged to him and him alone.

The warmth of his palms traveled back up your stomach and squeezed your breasts roughly. “Forcing you to wait so long for me, did I neglect my sweet little Chickpea? Hmm, I better make up for it, huh?"

God, the way his husky voice reverberated against your flesh was the most delicious form of torture. You bit your lip and nodded, and he rewarded you with a finger. It slid carefully into you, and his hand caressed your insides. You cried a loud, indecipherable string of mangled words. All grasp on language left you as he curled his fingers up and flicked his wrist.

“Aw, what are you trying to say, Sweetheart?” he huffed. All the little nicknames only pushed you further into your need for him. “You wanna feel my fat cock push into that pretty little pussy?”

A sharp inhale burned your throat.

“P-please!” you choked. Your voice was cracked and pitiful when it finally tore from you, and a wonderfully wonton sound fell from him.

“Please what, huh? Please what?” he gasped.

“Fuck me! I want it- I want your cock- PLEASE.”

“Ohhhhh, that sounds so pretty comin’ outta your mouth,” came his long, low growl. As a reward for your begging, he dragged the wetness of his tongue along the length of your little pink slit.

The rough material of his jeans slid down your inner thighs as he mounted you. The shaft of his hot, bare cock pressed flush against your sex. Clusters of his feathers bunched behind the bends in your knees and forced them back, which splayed you helplessly open. You watched as he bit into his lip and rubbed himself against your wetness. You couldn't look away as the most intimate part of his body sheathed itself in yours. 

The most delicious pressure overwhelmed your aching senses. Fuck. FUCK.  He moved slowly. It may have been meant as mercy, but to your sex-starved body, it felt torturous. The ridges of his dick caught at your swollen walls before the tip of it pressed agonizingly slow into the bottom of you. 

“Hawks! Oh my god, I can’t fucking take this!” your throat jerked and trembled just like your aching thighs. Your hips pumped in desperation for friction where your bodies connected. “Give it to me, give it- I swear to god- FUCK!”

Once you gave him control of your body, he lost control of his own. The mattress groaned when he slammed into you. His teeth dug into your throat, laying his claim on you as he panted for breath. His loose belt buckle beat at your outer thighs, and your bed frame groaned in protest with each merciless thrust. His hands dug into your flesh and locked you into his jarring pumps. He pinned you down as if he expected you to play the fighting game, but you didn't resist his cock this time. You didn't want a battle. You wanted your lover. Your moaning whimpers broke and cracked as his jerking hips rocked the wind from you.

He pounded into you too fast for your mind to keep up. Your scarred body buckled and stung under his animalistic need, but the shockwaves of pleasure that rolled through your core kept you begging him for more. More. More. 

His mind was so fogged that he lost his focus on his feathers. The clusters binding you down came loose without his influence, and you easily pulled out of them to throw your arms around his neck. His wings spread out and bristled until they were pressed against the walls, puffed and massive. His forehead was against yours. His hot breath puffed in your face, and his beautiful body was pleasured with yours. 

"Fuck, fuck! Please- Let me come inside you," he pleaded. His eyes were hazy and fogged, his mouth was slack and face a deep red. His body’s cooing song was so loud you could feel it in your own chest. The familiar smell of his cologne intermingled with the musk of sex and blurred your mind. You wanted every piece of him he'd give you.

"Y-yes, please, please," you begged between the hard smacks of his skin against yours. 

Your eyes shot open as his pace quickened. His wings… they were falling apart. Those beautiful eyes of his lulled further into the back of his head with each bone shivering slap of flesh. His teeth bared and his lips twitched as he pressed your bodies roughly together. Shivers rolled through his muscles, and those fierce wings of his were reduced to twitching little nubs on his back as he came.

You ran your hands between his shoulder blades as you marveled at his feathers. They littered the air as they weaved feverishly around one another. The gentle touch of your hands brought Hawks down from his high, and his feathers slowed until they lazily spun like autumn leaves. You pulled him down into a tight embrace and buried your face into his hair. He heaved into your chest, and you watched all the little pieces of him flutter around your room in the light of the moon.

He often lost control of his wings when you made love. They'd fluff up and flap wildly when he came, which often knocked shelves from your walls and your lamp from your bedside table. That was the first time he shed his feathers, and you were in awe.

"Are you okay?" he asked. His voice was gravely and shuttered between labored breaths.

“Yeah, I’m just... admiring," you said as you stared over his shoulder. He glanced behind him, and his cheeks tinted the faintest shade of pink when he realized the pitiful state of his wings. The little red feathers spread all around your room stilled in the air and swarmed to his back, returning his iconic limbs to their full glory.

“Er, you managed to pluck me. How embarrassing,” he quipped. You were so sore and exhausted from his sex all you could manage was a little laugh. You were a gasping mess, though, when he finally pulled out of you. The loss of pressure was a relief, but it also left you feeling empty. You laid quiet and trembling as he leaned back to marvel over the mess he made of you. His thumbs spread you open again, and he let out a breathless moan as you felt his come leak from you. His head dipped between your thighs. That beautiful tongue of his flicked out and lapped at the mess on your pussy. The warm wriggling of the muscle shocked your swollen clit and made you cry out, but you couldn't bear to ask him to stop. It satisfied something in you to watch as he licked you clean of your slick and his own come.

When he was content that he'd cleaned you thoroughly, he laid his body carefully beside you in your bed. His fingers tangled in your hair as he locked you into a kiss. You could taste the sex he licked from you on his tongue. 

The sex was always feverish and ravishing, but the afterglow was your addiction. In the beginning, it was rare. To kiss and caress crossed the line into his discomfort, but the more he learned to trust you the more of his affection you earned. The man who feared human touch began to ask for hugs every visit. Kisses became frequent and pleasant the more he let you do it. Then came sex that felt less like vicious wars and more like making love. Yes, after everything you did to earn his intimacy, nothing felt as lovely as lying naked beneath his plush plumage. 

His feathers caressed every inch of your aching body. His warm mouth, still wet from the sex, pressed gentle kisses onto your face. Your head rested against his arm as your breath slowly steadied. His wing flexed and rested on your shoulder as if tucking you in beneath a plush comforter.

“Mm. You like that?” he pondered breathlessly. His fingers trailed up your scarred side until they combed through your hair. There was a ginger softness to the touch that made your heart quiver. He smiled at you, those yellow eyes pierced through the dim light and into your soul. as you reached your hand out to run your fingers under his jaw. 

“Do you need to ask?” you hummed. Your cheeks were still red and your chest quaked as you slowly came down from the high. 

He laughed. What a lovely, airy sound. You hummed in the glory of the moment. And, for the first time in what felt like a lifetime, you could breathe again. Typically, he’d spend his days off kicked back on your living room couch with a tall bottle of something hard in his hand. You’d go a week or so without seeing him when things got tense in the hero world, of course, but in the last two months, you’d had him for only a handful of nights. It was concerning, but you knew better than to ask. No matter how close the two of you had become he would never talk to you about work.

“It's been a while since you last flew in,” you noted as you got comfortable beneath his plumage. His body beside yours was the definition of comfort. Your mind could only be at peace when he was safe in your bed. “It’s nice to see you again, I was worried.”

“I know, it’s been too long. No need to worry, though, Chickpea, I’m right here,” he replied. His slow exhale tangled in your hair, and his hand's gentle touch found your cheek. He offered no explanation for his lengthy absences, but he and his crimson wing caressed you with apologies. 

You relaxed to the sound of his steady breath through the dim blue light of your bedroom. The wing he draped over you was so plush and warm you could easily fall asleep. You might have, if not for the fear of waking up without him. You scooted closer to wind your arms around his chest and bury your face in his neck. 

"I really wish you could stay," you whispered. 

To let your love get in his way was the last thing you wanted, but it was the utterance of a moment of weakness. It was uncharacteristic of you, the pathetic way it sounded, and you felt him stiffen under your arm as he soaked in your request. While there was never a confession of love, you'd tamed the wild bird with years of patience and earnest affection. He was loyal to you. It was cruel of you to ask for something you knew he couldn't give.

“Ah… I would if I could help it, you know that,” he sighed into your forehead, “but I can try to stay until morning.”

“Please. I’d like that.” It came out like the voice of a frightened child, but it was difficult to hide your need for him anymore. 

If you dwelled any further on the possibility of him vanishing, your emotions were going to get the better of you. You played with the feathers draped over your shoulder to calm yourself. A small one by your face was pinched between your fingers as you rolled the barbs around.

"Your wings are filthy," you mused. Dirt particles littered the poor things. You were sure, with some rooting, you'd find a few bugs he’d picked up in the air, too. "Actually, all of you is filthy. You got dirt all in my sheets, bird brain."

"Oh. Shit, my bad," he murmured as he sat upright. You shivered when the warmth of his wing left you.

"Hm, it's fine. Throw your clothes in the wash and I'll get a shower ready for you, sound good?"

“Sounds good.”

The bed creaked in relief when he stood. His frame was slender and small, but his wings at least doubled the weight of him. That was evident with how smothering being beneath him could feel. He kicked off his pants, though his body was still covered by the black and gold bodysuit he wore beneath them. It warmed your heart to see him carry his uniform out of your room and hear him tinker with the washer on the other side of the wall. The sound of the cloth being tossed inside followed by the creak of an opening cabinet seeped through the drywall, followed by the pop of the detergent lid coming off.

He was intimately familiar with your tiny abode. You’d made sure things stayed in the same place so he'd know where everything was the next time he'd visit. You'd been especially anal about it since he'd often be gone for such long periods at a time. When he returned, you wanted your home to feel like it belonged to him, too.

A sensation overcame you as you laid alone in your bed. The sheets were warm from the love you’d just made. Despite his tongue cleaning you off, you could still feel the faint warmth of him inside of you. His contented sigh found you through the wall and your heart burst.

To the rest of the world, he was a hero, but he was so much more to you. You'd give anything to have him completely. For his voice to echo, groggy and sheepish, against your walls every morning. To get to kiss him goodbye before the sun rose, and to welcome him home every afternoon with a warm embrace. For a ring on your finger; a crib in the bedroom. That wasn’t the kind of life that was meant for him, though. As long as he was afraid of you being hurt, those secret nights were all you’d ever have. It made sense. He had enemies, and you could only imagine how your quiet life would turn upside down if you ended up in the pages of a tabloid.

You only spent time together in the privacy of your apartment. Even after two years of being close to him, there was so little you knew about his life separate from you. What little you did know only made you frustrated on his behalf. You held out hope that it could eventually change, for your sake and his.

Preening Hawks was your favorite thing to do with him. There was something special about being across from one another in the shower, naked, warm water rushing over your bodies as your fingers smoothed and placed his dampened feathers. It took the first year of your friendship for him to allow you to touch them at all, so it was an obvious display of his trust in you. Which was understandable. His wings were an integral part of his identity. You watched as he ran his hands over his face and into his hair. His expression was in a relaxed state of bliss as your fingers picked through his plumage.

With his massive wings on either side of you like plush, padded walls, it felt like nothing in the world could get you. His laughter echoed around the small room as he told jokes and stories. It was okay if you didn't have anything to say, or if you just wanted to listen. He would talk for you when you fell short, and that's usually what got you laughing. 

Through the gentle moment, though, you couldn't help but let your emotions get the better of you. During times like those, when his visits were few and far between, your mind danced around the question of why. The possibilities bounced between him either being in danger or losing interest in you. Both were scary thoughts since he had become such an integral part of your life.

"Would you mind if I ask something?" you pondered, which accidentally interrupted a story he'd been telling about an intern of his.

"Depends what it is.”

"Well… there are a million girls out there who'd gladly do this with you," you mused, and it was true, even if it stung a little to remember. "Did you decide to do this with me because it was convenient?" 

That had been your reason, initially. Hawks spent a lot of time hanging around your apartment and he just happened to be wildly attractive. There were no feelings when he’d first asked if he could fuck you. That didn't come until later.

He laughed, and you glared at him.

“Self-doubt, huh? That isn’t like you. Me being away a lot’s really shaken you up, huh?” 

"It's not self-doubt, I'm just genuinely curious," you quipped as you pulled a feather from his wing. They'd moult if they hung around too long, so pulling out the loose ones was a help to him.

"Well… what we have going on is far from convenient," he said. "If that's what I was going for, I'd go after a pro that could keep a secret. It ain't easy to sneak away like this, you know."

So even a pro hero would have to be a secret for him? Did Hawks have any chance at all for a normal life?

“I wanted you, and if I want something, I go for it.”

You swallowed down a breath you’d been holding, but you didn’t say anything else as you watched his eyes dance around the bathroom in thought. 

"And I wanted you because… well, there were a lot of reasons. The night we met was a big one, I guess.”

You looked away. That night felt taboo to mention, considering all the guilt you knew he harbored. Your scars weren’t his fault. Several villains were on a rampage, and your hospital was in the destructive path. You were just another civilian, caught in the crossfire. His feathers tried, but they couldn’t get you out of the building. You’d been partially crushed beneath the rubble. 

“I was sure it was the end of the road for me. It would have been if you and your quirk hadn’t been trapped inside with me. You have a forcefield. You could have used it to protect yourself, but you bubbled me instead. You were gonna die. I was so sure you were gonna die and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.”

Still, your lips wouldn’t move. You’d spent ten months in an ICU after you were crushed beneath the weight of two stories of concrete. If not for the healing quirks of EMTs, you wouldn’t have survived at all. If not for your sacrifice, Hawks wouldn’t have, either. Still, it wasn’t his fault.

 “Still hurts to know I couldn’t help you when you needed me most, but when I looked in your eyes, there wasn't a hint of fear. All I saw was determination. I never met someone who was so sure of their choices, even in the face of death," he recalled. Your emotions skirted between sadness and flattery as you heard his thoughts. If only you could live up to that selfless picture of you, now. “I know a lot of pros who could only hope to have that kind of resolve.”

“Damn, when you tell it you make me sound like a badass,” you quipped, and your laughter bounced around the shower stall.

“I mean, what are the requirements to be donned with the title of badass? I’m sure you’re overqualified. Either that or you’re fucking crazy, which is also a possibility.”

You snorted.

“I'm not crazy. My job is to help people after they've been hurt. If I bubbled you instead, I’d be saving every person you’d live to protect. Before they would need a nurse like me. It’s just what made sense.”

He was silent for a moment as he absorbed your reasoning. You tended to be rational, even in the most emotional of situations. But that borderline-robotic way of thinking was a by-product of your own miseries.

You were a nurse in a world overcome by demigods and treachery. Some of the things you'd seen in the OR would haunt you for the rest of your life. And, sometimes, those ghosts came to torment you in your dreams. That made it hard the first time Hawks slept in your bed. You would sometimes wake with tears in your eyes as your voice quivered out sobs. Your past lovers didn't understand that part of you. The broken part. The part that had been poisoned by the darker side of this superpowered world. 

That's what fostered your love for Hawks. When he had awoken early that morning to you crying beside him, he’d only reacted with a patient embrace. He adored the bright parts of you, but he also had a solemn understanding and respect for your darkness. Having that connection through your mutual suffering was a kind of bond you’d never had before him. And now that you had it, you couldn't imagine life without. 

You went back to preening. You pressed up on your knees to reach a bit higher on his wing, and he watched intently. His voice died into silence as his gaze swept over your naked form, which dripped from the steam of the shower. It wasn't a surprise. Often, he would get lost in himself as he observed you, like a curious bird. It felt like a wordless compliment, so you silently allowed his eyes to explore you. Not that his hands and mouth and cock hadn't already drawn a map of you in his mind.

"Whatcha thinking about?" you teased playfully, and he hummed in response.

"How you look at my wings… I like it."

"Everybody looks at your wings," you said dismissively. A half-smile graced your face.

"You’re right. They do. People admire me because of what they’re capable of. It's what people think of first when they think of me, and rightfully so. They're hard to ignore. But when you look at me, you look at my face first, my wings second. It's like you admire them because they're a part of me, not because of what they can do. I appreciate that." 

Your fingers in said feathers slowed to a stop as he spoke. You smiled a little to yourself as you brushed them against a feather. He shivered. "Your quirk is a part of who you are. That's why I like cleaning them for you. It feels like I get to give you something special, but wings or not, I'd still want you."

Falling in love with Hawks was the best and worst thing you’d ever experienced. The pleasure of those beautiful moments seeped into your soul like a warm cup of tea. But the anguish that followed after he flew out your window… there wasn't a simile that could correctly describe the immeasurable pain. 

Your response must have triggered a long series of difficult thoughts for the bird. His head tilted slightly, his eyes hardened in expression and his brows furrowed as he soaked in your confession.

"In the year we've been doing this… has there ever been another man?" he pondered. The question jarred you. Occasionally, he'd get a touch possessive of his time with you. He’d asked a time or two who you were texting. You knew him well enough to pick up the hint of jealousy despite his light tone, but he never asked anything so outright.

“Well, look who's got self-doubt now. You sure are eager for a lot of questions and confessions tonight. What’s gotten into you?” you asked.

He shrugged. “You asked a question, so it's my turn now. Besides, we’ve been close for a couple of years. We've been intimate for half of that. just seems a little silly to keep up the fuck buddies act. Or is it just me?”

Fuck buddies act? You bit your lip. Hard. When he was with you he was so relaxed. This seriousness was unusual, and it made your wet skin rough with goosebumps.

"It's not just you," you confessed. 

For a short while, the bathroom was filled with only the sound of the running shower as you collected your confession. 

"There hasn't been another man since you. I mean… I've gone on dates a few times, but it never got that far," you replied. The moment another man kissed you… Well, kisses felt dirty if they were with anyone other than Hawks. "I know this thing you and I have going on was meant to be a no strings attached kind of affair, but… Well, if I’m being honest with you, it feels wrong trying to sleep with anyone but you. I like what we have, and I've always got the impression that you really do, too."

He didn't say anything. You weren't sure whether or not that was what he wanted to hear.

"Have you?" you asked. "Been with anyone else?"

You’d never asked before. At first, it was because it didn't feel like your business. Then, when the thought eventually made your heart ache, you didn't ask because you didn't want to know. But now that you had come clean, it only felt fair that he did, too.

Air left his nose and his head bobbed back until his wet hair pressed against the shower stall.

"Once,” he confessed, and he sounded ashamed now that he knew you never did. “I used to have this on again, off again thing, before I knew you. I messed with her a few weeks after you and I first… well, you know. But only once, then never again.”

You’d thought it would crush you to learn he’d been with someone else, but it didn’t sting like you thought it would. Probably because you didn't know specifics. If you knew what woman had her hands on him, if you could see it, it probably would destroy you. But the apologetic way he said it put your heart at ease. He mumbled like he knew it would hurt you, and he didn’t want it to. But you weren’t wounded, and your feelings weren’t perturbed. He never promised you anything, just as you’d never made promises to him.

“Why’d you stop seeing her?” you asked as you scooted closer to smooth shampoo suds down in his hair. He only shrugged at first, then sighed in contemplation when your fingers combed along his scalp.

“I’ve never had a place I could go to, you know?” he said. “I’ve never had somewhere like this, where I can lay my head for a little while and just be…”

“Pampered?” you suggested as your hands moved to massage his shoulder blades between his wings.

He breathed out a little laugh, but shook his head. “Yeah, but that’s not what I was thinkin’.”

“Out with it then,” you teased.

“Well… I’ve never had somewhere I’ve felt safe and... cared about?” he said, though his eyes were distant and lost when he said it, as if he wasn’t sure he should have.

“I gotta always be looking over my shoulder. Gotta always have a mask on and hope no one ever sees through it. But here, everything’s relaxed. You couldn’t care less what my ranking on some chart is or how much money is in my pocket. You don't give a shit about heroing or the tabloids. You’re the only person in my life who asks for nothing other than my company. I feel human here. I didn’t want to jeopardize that, or what I had with you. That’s why I stopped seeing her.”

Your mouth went dry. While your nights were long and passionate, you’d never whispered sweet nothings. You’d never told him how much he and his company meant to you because you felt he wouldn’t want to hear it, but he kept coming back. For a year he had clung wordlessly to what little affection you gave him. If he’d told you this a year prior, you would have given him so much more love.

“So you do have deeper feelings for me. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

He was silent, as you’d expected him to be. He both craved and feared the closeness he’d formed with you. At times he’d drown you in sweet little bits of affection, but, when things got too deep, he would shut down. Through the last couple of years, you’d broken through a lot of his walls, but the cold influence of the commission would always be with him. Even if he was in love with you, he’d never understand how to tell you.

"Because of who I am when I fly out your window,” he began. The reverb of his voice against the shower stall took you off guard. You didn’t expect him to answer. "There are things I know you want from me… things that I can’t give you right now, and you deserve more than that. That’s why I never planned on telling you… Fuck. It was never supposed to be like this…”

He spoke more to himself than he did to you at that moment. There was an internal battle going on in his mind; one you'd never really be able to understand, but you wanted to try. 

"You mean you never meant to get attached?"

His silence was telling.

"It's okay," you said. "We don't have to talk about anything you don't want to." You took a hold of his hand, but he flinched away from you. He was regressing back into old habits. It had been months since he’d last recoiled to your affection. Something was terribly wrong. The recoil was fine. It was okay. Whatever he needed to feel comfortable. "I'm sorry-" 

"No, I'm sorry," he interrupted. He rubbed the wrist you had touched as if you'd burned him. His brow was knit and his mouth became a harsh line. "Sometimes it feels easy and other times it doesn't, but I'm trying."

"I know you are. Like I said, we don't have to talk about feelings." 

He stared at you, and the longer his gaze rested on your face, the softer it became, "I want to try." 

You nodded and wrapped your arms around your naked knees. The shower had been turned off long ago by a cluster of his feathers, but the soothing steam still lingered around you. 

“It's just… this is difficult. One day someone may shoot me out of the sky. The thought of you still being right here, waiting for me, when I can never come back… It... kills me." He paused, his eyes hazed over as he swallowed his emotion down. The rawness in his voice struck such an unpleasant chord that your own eyes pricked with bitter water. "That's why I didn’t want attachments like this. But I didn't mean for all this between you and me. You snuck into me slowly, I didn't even notice until it was too late."

"Is this supposed to be flattering? It sounds like you're likening me to a parasite or something- heartworm," you quipped in an effort to dispel the heavy tension. He smiled, but only for a moment before he rolled his eyes at you. 

"Just… listen to me," he said, and your eyes trained on his as your mouth closed. "If that ever happens… If there comes a day you've been waiting for me, only to find out I'm never coming back, please know that I cared for you."

He didn't use the word love, but that's very much what he was trying to convey. In a way, you’d kind of always knew. It was why he’d said it, how he’d said it, that made your eyes prick with tears at their corners. The thought of what he was implying petrified you. Hawks was so skilled, so powerful, so almighty. Despite all his power, though, he was human, just like you. The night you’d met proved how possible death was for him. Nothing could keep him safe forever, not even your forcefields.

But he’d never talked like this before. He was always so light-hearted and relaxed. His work and the dangers associated with it was off the menu of conversion topics. What had happened to bring all this darkness up now?

"You talk like you’re preparing for death." 

Again, he didn’t reply. His silence was more terrifying than anything he could have said, but trying to pry him open would only break him, it seemed. So you didn’t.

“May I kiss you?” you asked instead. 

He nodded.

You leaned forward and breathed into his ear. He shivered when you placed a gentle kiss on the shell of it. His earring pressed against your lip was a gentle and familiar feeling, but after you heard all he had to say it also felt fleeting. He always had some ulterior motive or hidden reason for every little thing he did. It's as if he said all this because tomorrow would be the day he was gone.

“I’m not preparing to die.” Your kiss gave him the courage to speak. "I have too much to live for. It’s just always a possibility- for anybody, really. But heroes especially. I just wanted it off my chest is all."

He smiled at you, but you’d seen every smile in his repertoire, and this one was faker than your stick-on-backsplash. The air never felt so tense between you. Not even the night you met, dying feet away from each other. It all felt so… heavy. The weight of it pressed hard into your chest.

“Er, this reminds me, while we're on topic, I got some things going on at the agency. I hate to say it, but you won't see me again for a little while. I don’t know how long. It could be a couple of months.” His disposition remained fake casual. His shoulders and face were relaxed as he enjoyed the steam of the shower, but his wings tensed. You felt it in your palms as you preened him.

"You're in trouble," you said. Your mouth went dry as the realization drained the color from your face. 

"Trouble? Me? Nah. Just work stuff."

He spoke with a relaxed air about him, but he couldn’t lie to you. 

"No. You've been acting off all night. You’ve been making all these confessions. Talking about death, telling me you're going away for a while. I know you better than you think I do; something big happened and you're trying to tie up loose ends in case you don't get out of it okay," you rambled, and the more you talked the higher your voice became. It trembled and wavered with building fear. 

He stared at you. That silly face of his melted into a thin line and sharp, angular eyes. Those tricks worked when no one was close enough to see through them, but you knew his genuine smile like the back of your hand. You saw right through his facade, and he was annoyed by the very determination he just prided you for. 

"Can't get anything past you, can I?" 

You didn't whimper, but your eyes became glossy with emotion. It was a strange mixture of panic, sorrow, and rage. You had no idea what he'd gotten into, but you also knew he would never tell. He placed preserving missions above all else, which made sense but was frustrating.

"I don't know what's going on, but you need to get out of it if you're thinking it's something you may not come back from." 

"Things aren't that simple. I chose this life, I gotta follow through."

"No, I chose to be a nurse when I was sixteen and understood the implications of what I'd have to go through. You were fucking six when the commission took you, and they spent all that time gaslighting and taking advantage of you-"

"We aren’t talking about that right now, don't use it against me.” 

"Use it- what? I'm not using anything against you! You’re the one alluding to death! There’s nothing wrong at the agency, there’s something else- something terrible-" 

"Drop it.”

“How can I?!”

"Because I said so." His eyes were narrow and mouth a tight, thin line. You could read him so well. He was regretting this. All of this, because now you were onto whatever suicide mission he was embarking on. But, as his lover, how could you just sit back and silently watch him throw himself into a danger that had even him shaken?

You got louder, and he got louder. You tossed bitter, confused words back and forth until he was screaming. Until you were screaming back at him. Your calm, laid back demeanor slipped through your fingers the moment you realized he could be in over his head. That, if you let him leave, this could be the last night you’d ever spend with him. Your anger was driven by your fear for his life, and his was driven by your inability to let it go. 

He was still screaming. You were still screaming. You were fighting him. He just told you you were the most important person in his life, and you were spitting venom. 

You stopped.

He stopped.

Your hand came to your bare chest as it heaved in an attempt to steady your breath. The other came up to wipe the tears budding in your eyes. He looked away from you, his brow tugged heavily downward, his jaw clenched together in shame.

"Let’s just breathe, okay?" you pleaded.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," you whimpered into your hand. "Out of everyone in the world, you're the last who needs to say sorry, so don't. It's just- it's not right, okay? You're too… I don't know, selfless? I watch all the time as that gets taken advantage of. Doesn’t it get tiring? Even your name is some dirty secret. I've been sleeping with you for a year and I don't even know what it is-"

"Yes, you do," he argued, his lip wavered with weakness for one vulnerable moment. "You know me- you know my name."

Desperation laced between his words and strung the sentence together. It wasn't easy to see your lover look at you that way, just begging for you to let pieces of him go. It was hard to accept it, but whatever name he went by prior to heroism didn't exist anymore. Neither did the once innocent child it belonged to. You tried to respect that, but it was unfair he was denied a basic human right: to have a name. 

"You're Hawks, I know, I'm sorry… it's just… how much is left of yourself that actually belongs to you? How long until there’s nothing left to give? People have taken so much from you that you’ve become numb to it; do you even know what you're missing out on? Do you even know how lonely you are? When’s the last time anybody even asked if you were okay?"

He realized, then, that you weren't angry at him.

You were angry for him.

His eyes shifted to yours, and he nibbled at his bottom lip before he muttered with the quirk of his mouth: “Well, you ask me that pretty much every time you see me.”

There it was. The crack in your voice. The crinkle of your nose and the tremble of your lip. You cried, and he sat there across from you, still bare as his wings lowered to either side of you. His expression didn't change, and, for once, you couldn't read it. You didn't want to be so upset, but knowing he was in some kind of dangerous trouble that shook even him was too much for you to bear.

"I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions. It’s just… Do you have any idea how many heroes I've wheeled into the morgue? People die on my table all of the time. Every time is just as hard as the last, but the heroes- those are the ones that destroy me. Because every time someone in a cape lands on the table I know their families are waiting for them at home, just like I wait here for you.

"I saved you once, but you're so far away from me, too far for my forcefields to reach you. Hearing you say you’re going away- all I can think of is coming into work one day and finding you c-... covered in a sheet."

His wings moved up from the shower floor. The feathers were dark with dampness as their joints pressed into your back. You sat there like that as he let you cry. Really, what else could he have done? What else could you have done? Of course you were angry. You would be for the rest of your life over how his panned out. His childhood was taken from him, his understanding of human affection was still stunted, even after all the time you spent gently undoing what damage had been done. Now he talked like one wrong move would end it all.

"It's… difficult," he began, though he couldn't make eye contact with you. He usually couldn't when you had discussions like this. "Being a hero isn’t what I imagined I would be when I was a kid. And sometimes I do ask myself: 'what is this all for? There's always going to be a new bad guy. Why does it matter?' And then I think about you…" 

He went silent for a moment; you could see the little battle behind his eyes. The battle between his affection deprived confusion and his need to be closer to you. To explain himself. 

"I think about you and it reminds me there are good people who are worth fighting for. As long as you are here and there are bad people out there that could hurt you, I have to be out there, too. And, yeah, sometimes I get afraid. But as long as I have these wings, I'm going to use them to keep this world safe for you."

He’d never felt so close to you, and yet so far away. He thought even more of you than you anticipated. A part of you felt touched you'd become a cornerstone for his sanity in such a hostile world, but the other part felt sick. If he wanted to fight for you, that was fine.

But to die for you; that would be unforgivable.

The urge to argue the worth of his life weighed heavy on your heart. If you did, he would call you hypocritical, considering your own history of self-sacrifice. It wasn’t the same, though. His self-worth depended on his usefulness to others and little else, and you feared the day that usefulness ran out. What would Hawks be, if not a hero? It should have such a simple answer, like what you would be if not a nurse. But it didn't. It never would.

You leaned forward to pull him into a tight hug. Perhaps when he was anywhere else you were unable to protect him, but right there, in your arms, you'd use whatever you could to keep him safe. Your bubbles, your kind words, anything. 

"I understand," you said, because you knew there were no words that could keep him away from the hero path. It wasn't just a part of his identity; it was all he'd ever known. "Just… don't forget when the heroing is said and done, you'll always have a place here if you need it."

He hummed a small, contented coo at your kindness. Of course, you didn't have to tell him that. He already knew. Why else would he spend so much of his precious little free time cuddled up to you? 

"I'll remember," he promised as his arms and damp wings curled in to squeeze you against him. 

You and Hawks bathed in the comforting darkness of your bedroom. Your window was frosted from the bitter cold outside, but his body heat kept you warm in the safety of your bed. Or nest, rather, as Hawks tended to construct mounds of tangled comforters and wadded up bedsheets to hide in as he got comfortable. You were buried beneath the mass of cloth and the cocoon of his wings as you tried to fall asleep. It was a difficult undertaking since you didn’t know when you’d see him again. You were so tired, but you wanted to be awake to hold him for what little time you had left. 

You wouldn’t have gotten any sleep, anyway.

Often when Hawks slept in your bed you'd awaken at strange hours. Sometimes this was due to your own nightmares. The subject bounced between the traumatic things you’d seen at the hospital and the night you’d met. You'd wake to find that you’d encased your bed in your protective bubble during your sleep, and Hawks' wings squeezed you gently against his chest. Other nights, it was Hawks' anxiety that would keep you awake.

During the day, his guard was discreetly up. He carried carefree conversations as if unbothered, but those well-trained feathers of his were on constant guard. Really, he never had a moment to breathe. This was something you never would have understood the depths of if you weren't woken by his anxiety in the midst of the night. The anxiety he kept bottled during the day often let itself out in the form of night terrors. He'd mumble. Roll. His wings would twitch over you. His face would morph into an agonized expression, and he chirped in distress. A good, gentle shake was usually all it took to pull him out of the bad dream. 

That night his nerves reared their head, though in an unorthodox way. Apparently, you did fall asleep, because you awoke with a small grumble when you felt the mattress groan, followed by a heavy weight draping over your body. You let out a long whine of displeasure, but the weight just got heavier. You turned your head and opened your eyes to find Hawks, but he wasn't gasping in his sleep. He laid over you, wings puffed but flat on either side of your bed as he stared at the bedroom door.

"Hawks? You're squishing me." 

He didn't answer or turn to look at you. Those sharp eyes of his danced around in panic, his feathers raised as they sensed every small movement in your apartment. You dropped your head back onto your pillow with a sigh. 

"What's the matter?" you pondered.

"Shh," he hummed. "I felt something…"

You laid and listened for a short while, but all you could hear was the lady in the apartment above you walking across her floor.

"It's my neighbor."

"What if it's not?" 

Whether the display was the primal instruction from the bird in him to protect his mate or if it was a by-product of the harsh reality of the life he lived, you weren't sure. Either way, his calm and almost lazy facade cracked. When the world was quiet and his feathers could sense every mundane movement in your apartment, his anxiety that those small bumps in the night might be something that could hurt you overwhelmed him.

The little display was an annoyance to your sleep-deprived brain, but his first thought in the midst of his worry was to protect you. That spared him from your groggy wrath. 

"Lay down, McNugget. There's no one there," you grumbled, but he didn't turn his head away from the door. 

Feeling your hand on his face seemed to snap him back into the moment, even if just a little. He leaned into you and encased you in his wings. It felt like a protective gesture, but the warmth you found beneath them made you hum pleasantly. The fluffy white cloth of his hoodie rubbed your cheeks as he cuddled into you. Well, actually, it was your hoodie. 

At one time it was just some old thing you'd snagged from a thrift store on a chilly day. It was much too large for you, though. When Hawks came into your life later on, you'd cut holes out of the back and hemmed it up. That way he'd have a little something to throw on when it got chilly at your place. He never said it out loud, but he loved the thing. He'd go looking for it if you didn't leave it laying out in the living room. 

"I know you usually have a lot to be afraid of, but you don't have to worry about protecting me. I'm a badass, remember?" you whispered into the shell of his ear. His shoulders relaxed just a bit, and he puffed out a little chuckle. 

"Yeah, I know. I just… I want you to be safe. That's all." 

Your gaze softened, though he couldn't see it in the darkness. You didn't need Hawks to protect you. You didn't need a hero. You needed a best friend; a lover. Between the both of you, he was the one in most need of saving.

"Shh," you hummed gently. Your hair lifted from your pillow and danced slowly around your face as if gravity was lost to you. He scrunched his nose as your locks brushed his cheeks, and his wings settled flat as a ring rose from the floor around your bed. The translucent wall came together above your bodies to form a hard, bubble shell.

"You've been the hero long enough. Let me be the protector tonight,” you said. His throat bobbed against your shoulder as his arms wound around you. He settled, but you still felt his unease.

“What’s got your feathers ruffled?”

“You shouldn’t have to protect me,” he said. His voice was muffled since his mouth was pressed into your skin, but you still heard the sadness in it. “I should be taking care of you.”

You blinked as you soaked in his words. For a year you pined for such romantic things to come out of his mouth. Of course he’d wait for a night like that night to say such sickeningly sweet things. The future that used to feel so full of mystery and excitement had become dangerous, uncertain, and disappointing.

“You don’t have to be the hero every time,” you replied.

“But if I’m not a hero, what am I?”

His question was an echo of your fears. The ambient light from your window filtered dimly into your forcefield, but your eyes couldn’t adjust with tears in them.

“I don't know if I have the answer you're looking for, but... Do you remember when I was in the hospital?" you asked. "When you first came to see me you brought a twenty-piece box of chicken nuggets, and while I was trying to eat one you laughed until you were crying because it looked vaguely like a penis.”

“Vaguely? It had balls and everything,” he recalled, and you rolled your watering eyes.

“Whatever. It was stupid, but it was the first time I laughed since I was trapped in that hospital. And, well… when they said I’d never walk again you helped me out of bed. I cried myself to sleep some nights, but you were there, still trying to save me. You were trying to be a hero then, too, but you became my best friend. If nothing else, that's what you’ll always be to me.”

A sound came out of him akin to laughter. You shot him a look, then hooked your finger under his chin. You wanted to see his dumb grin when you berated him for poking fun at you. When his eyes met yours, though, they weren’t crinkled with laughter. They were red and watering.

“Oh, Hawks,” you breathed, and he tucked his face back into your arm to hide his vulnerability. He never cried before. At least not in front of you. He was always the immovable one, virtuous and strong. Moments like this reminded you just how human he was beneath it all.

“I’m right here. I’ve got you,” you assured him in a whisper. Gentle promises spilled from your lips like lullabies, and he clung to every word with heart-breaking desperation. You whispered every sweet nothing you could think of to ease his pain, but you didn’t have that kind of power. 

You had no power at all.

His world always seemed scary to you. You feared for his life every day, but the thought of him being ripped from your arms overwhelmed you that night more than it ever had before. The protective bubble that encased your bed would keep him safe for as long as you could fight sleep, but what of the morning? You’d be safe at home, and he’d be lost somewhere in the dangerous fray of his duties. Far away from your warmth and the apartment he found so much comfort in. 

This would not be the last time you held him. You had to believe that, but what if it was? What if this sleepless night was your last together? 

Tell him you love him, you thought to yourself. Tell him before you never get the chance again. 

You bit your lip as you felt his trembling breaths on your collar. You prepared your lips for the taste of the confession, but he was so vulnerable, more so than he may have ever been before. He didn’t need you to tell him about your affections, he needed you to use them.

You placed a reassuring crown of kisses along his forehead, and he gripped you so hard his knuckles were surely white. 

When you’d cried as a child, your mother would lay in your bed and sing lullabies until you fell asleep. Your voice was untrained and awkward compared to hers, but you tried your best to use it. Your off-key tune echoed back to you in the dome of your forcefield, and your cheeks pinkened with how childlike it sounded. Your embarrassment interrupted your lullaby. He stirred against your chest.

“Don’t stop,” he said. “Please, sing to me.”

You cleared your throat as you gathered the courage to start again. His eyes fell closed as your song settled into the safety of your shield. His feathers relaxed, and his face went slack as sleep slowly overtook him. You sang until his tears stopped flowing. You sang until he was asleep in your arms. For as long as you could, you laid awake. If you succumbed to sleep, so would your forcefield. So would your promise to keep him protected through the night. As time moved slowly forward, sleep inevitably began to settle into you, too. It was as terrifying and as peaceful as death.

“I love you,” you whimpered as you felt your eyes grow too heavy to fight back open. “Please… stay safe.”

Credits: 

A massive thank you to my wonderful friend and editor, @fuwafuwagem​! If you thought the fic looked especially polished, it’s thanks to her efforts!

Also a big thank you to my buddies and beta readers: @dendriticheep​ and @narcolepticroses​! Thanks you guys for being such sweet friends to me ;u;

And a huge thanks to YOU, for reading !

Authors Note:

I’d love to do a lot more fanfictions like these! If you have any suggestions or requests for animations or animated stories like this one feel free to submit it to me!

[wandaromanova]

Little Sister

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Warnings: one cuss word, minor BW spoilers

A/N: hello! i’d like to note that this takes place sometime before the events in the Black Widow movie! if you haven’t seen the movie yet, please skip over this story and come back later if you’d like! happy reading <3

anon requested: hiii i have a fluff request after seeing bw haha: could you do nat x fem reader where they're laying in bed snuggling, and r asks her about her family and nat tells her and r notices how cute she looks when she's talking about yelena and it's so soft and ahhhh

Summary: Natasha tells her girlfriend about a piece of her past that she never talks about; her sister.

Word Count: 2K

| masterlist | request rules/guidelines | wips |

please do not repost or try and take ownership of my work. reblogs, likes, and comments are always welcome. <3

Natasha Romanoff has lived a lot of lives. She has been through more than most.

Nat had been taken as an infant by an organization that trained little girls to become lethal assassins.

She was psychologically conditioned to become a killer, having taken more lives than she could count.

Eventually, Natasha had managed to break free from the cage she was forced into and was recruited as a S.H.I.E.L.D agent; it was a new start for her, an opportunity to compensate for the red in her ledger.

So, Natasha took her job seriously, saving as many people as she could, even more so when she became an Avenger; one of earth’s mightiest heroes.

Natasha found something in the team that she never really had before; a family. She found a home within the dysfunctional team she had been recruited into.

Not only did Natasha find a family within the Avengers; she also found the love of her life.

Natasha hadn’t even considered the possibility of ever finding love.

For starters, the Red Room had instilled the concept that love was nothing but a distraction; a liability.

She had been taught that love was for children and it was nothing but a weakness that needed to be avoided at all costs.

She was quite literally programmed to be emotionally closed off and to always have her guard up. Letting someone into her heart was a risk she didn’t want to take.

When Natasha gained her independence from the organization, she had to do a lot of self-discovering. She had never been able to be her own person, but now that she could, she quickly learned that she didn’t even know herself.

However, it was Natasha’s insecurities that truly turned her off from the entire idea of love.

How could any ever possibly love her? She thought she was a monster for the things she’d done. She has done the unspeakable since ever she was a child.

What if she wasn’t enough? What if her baggage was too much for someone else to carry? She didn’t want to be a burden. She didn’t want to have to protect someone, just to fail them like she had failed so many others.

Natasha was positive that no one would ever be crazy enough to love her.

Little did she know, she would end up finding someone crazy enough to do so; you.

•❅──────────────── ‎⧗ ────────────────❅•

When the Avengers were formed, you were extremely nervous about it.

All of the files that you’ve read on your new teammates were unbelievable; they were all phenomenal in their own rights. A super-soldier, a god, a genius, a trained-spy.

You were a spy yourself, so you knew exactly who Natasha Romanoff was. She was a S.H.I.E.L.D legend, the best of the best.

You were more nervous about meeting her than anyone else. What if she judged you? What if she didn’t think you were good enough to be an agent, let alone an Avenger?

Not only was she your superior, but she was also your crush. Yeah, you’d never even met the woman before, but you were crushing on her hard.

She was drop-dead gorgeous, but also quite literally a deadly force. Natasha could easily take down anyone she wanted to, and honestly, you wanted to be one of those lucky people.

When you met Natasha for the first time, you were a flustered mess. The redhead found it amusing, how your cheeks turned a bright shade of red and you stumbled over your words as you praised her work.

Natasha never told you this, but she was immediately smitten the moment she laid eyes on you.

There was a kindness and positivity that just radiated off of you and it was extremely contagious.

You were this beaming ball of light that lit up the darkest parts of her soul.

•❅──────────────── ‎⧗ ────────────────❅•

You got to know Natasha extremely well while being on the team. From observing her closely and paying very close attention to her actions, you had managed to pick up on little things.

She didn’t put any creamer or sugar in her sugar; opting for strong, black coffee.

She was kind of a clean freak. If she saw something out of place, she would be quick to put it in the correct place or position.

When she was happy, she would let a small smirk cross her features. When she was annoyed, she would raise her eyebrows.

When she was stressed out or angry, three little creases would appear on her forehead as her eyebrows would knit together tightly; a subtle frown on her face.

Of course, when you began dating the redhead, you didn’t really have to survey her so closely anymore because she’d tell you things herself.

No matter the circumstances, Natasha would always come to you and rant about it. Whether it was about how shitty a mission went or how she beat Clint’s ass during training; you were the only person she wanted to tell.

Natasha had opened up to you, something she never did with anyone. She told you all about her past.

•❅──────────────── ‎⧗ ────────────────❅•

You had some knowledge of Natasha’s previous life, considering it was in her files, but you didn’t realize just how horrible her childhood truly was.

The Red Room, the heavy weight of guilt that rests on her shoulders, the nightmares that forced her to relive the murders she committed, her time as a S.H.I.E.L.D agent, and becoming an Avenger.

She’d go on and on about her road to redemption or ‘clearing the red out of her ledger.’

Natasha was terrified when she told you about her demons. She figured you were going to leave her the second she finished talking, waiting for you to get up and walk out the door, but you didn’t.

So, you completely caught her off guard when you pulled her into a bone-crushing hug, placing a soft kiss onto her temple, the redhead relaxing in your embrace.

“You’re the strongest person I know. It’s not your fault, you were forced and conditioned to do the things you did.”

Natasha focused on the sound of your voice and took in your words as you softly caressed her red locks with one hand.

“Baby, the amount of respect I have for you is immeasurable. I applaud you for turning your life around for the better. I’m so fucking proud of you.”

Your words had brought tears to Natasha’s eyes, which was a rare occurrence.

She was expecting you to run for the hills, but you chose to pull her closer instead.

In that moment, Natasha knew she never had to be afraid of love again.

You were the most understanding and accepting person she’d ever met.

You would never judge her for her worst mistakes; Natasha had found the one for her and she wasn’t ever going to let go.

•❅──────────────── ‎⧗ ────────────────❅•

Now, a few months later and a year into your relationship with the Russian, you were both lying in bed and cuddling.

You were both watching a movie when a particular scene came on. It was of a family gathering around a Christmas tree, children excitedly opening up presents with gleeful smiles across their faces.

“You know, my sister and I got to take pictures with a Christmas tree once.” Natasha spoke, her eyes fixated on the screen.

You looked up at her in shock. You didn’t know that Natasha had a sister. She told you that she didn’t even so much as know her parent’s names.

Natasha looked down and noticed your confused expression. She reached for the remote on the bedside table and paused the movie before returning her gaze to you.

“There was a mission I was assigned to in Ohio, as a kid. I was assigned to play the daughter of two other Russian spies, Alexei and Melina. It wasn’t just me though, there was a little girl who was assigned as my younger sister. Her name is Yelena.”

Natasha had a reminiscent, happy smile on her face as she recalled the brief period time of her childhood. She looked absolutely adorable as she rambled on about this part of her childhood.

“We took photoshoots of various holidays to make our family look more realistic. My favorite one was Christmas. Even though I knew they were just empty boxes, I wanted to rip open every single one.”

Natasha let out a small giggle at the thought. Even though she had a smile on her face, you could feel and hear the underlying tone of sadness in her voice.

“Yelena and I would spend hours outside, just playing together. Swinging on the swing-sets, looking up at the stars, bending over backward, and getting into a ridiculous competition to see who could hold the position the longest… I always let her win.”

You could see the fondness in her eyes, the longing. It warmed your heart that there was a small glimmer of light in Natasha’s past. There was at least a sliver of hope that she clung tightly onto throughout her time in the Red Room.

“After 3 years, the mission ended. Yelena and I were sent back to the Red Room and were torn apart from one another.

Natasha’s breathing grew heavier as she recalled the unfaithful day. The sight of her sister being taken, and not being able to do anything to help her; still haunted the redhead to this day.

“There were so many men with guns and armor, they literally ripped us away from each other. I was eleven and she was only six.”

Your heart sunk at your girlfriend’s words as her smile dropped. She tore her eyes away from yours as she blinked rapidly, fighting back tears, but failed. You reached your hand up to her cheek and wiped away the fallen droplets.

“I haven’t seen her since. I’d like to think that she found a way out and got a life of her own; a nice, happy life.”

Natasha placed her hand on top of yours before looking down at you once more. You sent her a soft smile when she let out a shaky breath.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“I knew that the it was all fake, but it was still the best part of my childhood. It was real to me.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

You nodded your head at her words. She took a brief pause, trying to regain her composure, before continuing.

“Even if we have no true relation to one another, and even if I haven’t seen her in years, she is still my little sister.”

Natasha finished off with a big gasp as sobs wracked her body. You sat up from her embrace and pulled her into your arms, just like you had many times before.

You rubbed her back soothingly as she cried into your shoulder, her tears hitting the exposed skin.

“She sounds amazing, baby. I’m really happy that you had some sort of happiness back then and I hope one day you get to see her again.”

You whispered and Natasha pulled away from the hug, still in your arms as her emerald eyes surrounded by a sea of red, a result of her crying.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“I doubt she’d even want to see me. I didn’t even try to find her. I’m a horrible sister! I-“

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

You immediately pressed your lips against hers, effectively getting the Russian to calm down. You broke the kiss when her breathing slowed.

“Honey, of course, she’d want to see you again. Like you said, you guys are sisters. I’m positive that it was just as real to her as it was to you.”

You reassured your girlfriend, her eyes a pool of worry and guilt. You rubbed your thumb against her waist, the material of your her hoodie beneath your touch.

“From what you’ve told me about the Red Room, it would’ve been impossible to find her. Stop beating yourself up over it. You’re the best, and I’m totally not biased or anything.”

Natasha let out a small chuckle at that and you smiled at her, wiping away the last of her tears. She collapsed into your hold further, shoving her face into the crook of your neck.

“Thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I love you so much.”

Natasha’s words came out muffled as her face pressed further into your skin.

“You never need to thank me for anything. I’ll always be here for you, Natty.”

You hugged her as tight as you possibly could, her cold skin meeting your warmth. Natasha let out a small sigh at the feeling.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“Wherever you go, I go.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

───────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────────

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[darkmulti]

I see your request is open for hc yay!

Can i request A!JKxO!Reader where jK has a huge dick and reader is a virgin and also his mate. So JK marries her and forcefully deflowered her and forcing orgasms out of her (bleeding/blood play while deflowering her is up to you). She found out JK’s obsessions of forcing orgasms out of hers until she passed out every night. JK also has a breeding and breastfeeding kink so he wanna knock her up just so he can breastfeed on her. He locked her up, all the time he spends with her is used to breed her while forcing as many orgasms out of her. Ok thats too long of an ask, sorry.. 🥺 thanks! 💜

-> I LOVE THIS IDEA SO MUCH SHAUSHSHS

⚠️: NON CON, mention of blood, breeding kink, breast feeding kink, multiple orgasm, dacryphilia kink, angst, death, murder, slapping, somnophilia kink, rough sex

Pairing: Alpha!Jungkook x Omega!Virgin!reader

-> sorry for any mistakes

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Your breed and Jungkook’s breed are not on good terms

The reason why is because your breed have better senses and are a lot stronger

Jungkook’s breed is the second strongest and let me tell you, they don’t like second place

Since they outdo your breed in numbers, they travel around in large packs and kill wolves your kind

If they eliminate all of you, they’ll be on top

Your parents raised you to stay away from them

They’re just trying to keep you safe because you’re their only child

They allowed you to explore the forest, but you couldn’t go too far

They still needed to be able to smell you out

You’re parents also told you howl if you felt like you were in danger

And you can only explore during the day time

Once it’s night, you must stay close to your parents so they can protect you

One day, you were sitting close to edge of a cliff

This was your favourite spot because it gave the perfect view of the sun setting

10 minutes later, you decided to go back to your pack only to be horrified by the scene

Your pack… everyone was dead

Blood everywhere

Bite marks all over their body

You walked into the crime scene more and saw your parents dead on the ground, next to each other

You immediately burst out into tears, not believing what you’re seeing

“Mom! Mom, please! Wake up!” You nudged her but it was too late

You sat down in between your parents and grieved the whole night

Why couldn’t they kill you too?

You were about to close your eyes but, caught an unfamiliar scent

Your natural instincts kicked in and you got up

You started looking around but that’s when something attacked you from behind

You fall to the ground and knock out after they give you one hard blow to the head

The next morning, you woke up in a bed

You frantically looked around, trying to put the pieces together, but that’s when he popped out of no where

His scent didn’t fail to reach you and once you inhaled it, you remembered all the traumatizing events of last night

Your heart rate increased and you immediately started to panic

“Where’s my mom?! Where am I?! Take me home!”

You started to freak out

“My mom told me to stay away from monsters like you! Leave me alone!”

You let out a piercing howl and made a run for it

However, Jungkook was faster and much, much stronger

He got a hold of your wrist and dragged you back to the room

He quickly pulled out his phone and shoved it in your face

You were squirming around at first but once you heard a familiar cry, you stopped

Jungkook was showing you live footage of wolves your breed, tied up god knows where and howling for help

Your heart crumbled into a million pieces

“W-why are you doing this to us?” You choked on your sobs while watching your breed beg for mercy

“Marry me, and I’ll let them go.”

You looked at him, appalled

“Marry? I won’t marry you. After you killed my family, you want to get married?!”

You pushed him away from you and slapped him

Jungkook poked his cheek with his tongue and quickly dialed a number

“Kill them all.”

You look up wide eyed and shouted “No!”

“You don’t wanna marry me so, now I have to kill them.”

“Wait! No! I’ll marry you! Please set them free!”

Jungkook smirked in victory and told his buddies to stop

“Wedding is tomorrow. Everything is planned, all you have to do is get all dolled up for me and say “I do.”

He left your room as you sat down on the edge of the bed, wiping your tears away

The next day was the worst day of your life

They woke you up early so, they could start getting you ready for the wedding

Once you said “I do” at the alter and signed the paper, Jungkook lips turned into a evil grin

After sealing your marriage with your first kiss, Jungkook drove you both back to your new house

Once you got inside you turned around and faced him

“I did what you asked. I got married to you and now, I’m your mate. You got what you wanted. Now show me live footage that you’re letting the wolves go.”

“You’re so cute, y’know? You really fell for it. The footage wasn’t live. Those wolves have been dead for a while. I could show you the footage of me killing them, if you’d like.”

Your heart dropped into your stomach

“What do you mean? It wasn’t real?!”

“You’re so naive, little one.”

You look at him, dumbfounded

“Why did you kill all of them? Why did you kill my pack? I just don’t understand. Why did you kill all of them just to marry me in the end?”

“Lower your voice, I don’t like being talked to in that way.”

“Go fuck yourself!” You yelled and turned around to leave

He pulled you back and carried you downstairs to the basement while you kept thrashing and yelling

“Let me go, you sick bastard! I don’t want to be near you. Your scent is disgusting!”

You made the worst mistake of your life that night

That was the first time you made him angry

He tried controlling himself but, after you insulted his scent, he wasn’t going to go easy on you

One hard slap after another shut you up pretty quickly

Now, you were terrified of him

Your cheeks were warm and stinging as hot tears glided down

All you could think was “why?”

Why was this happening to you?

Why was only your breed being targeted?

Why did he kill all those wolves?

It mentally tore you apart

You couldn’t wrap your head around anything going on

Before you could fight back, Jungkook got on top of you and pulled your dress down

“W-what’re you doing?!” You quickly grab your dress and struggled to keep it up

“No! No, please! I’m not ready! Please, I’m not ready! I hate you!”

You began to panic, so naturally you howled

“Please! I want my first to be someone I love! Please, don’t do this to me! I’ve never done anything bad in my life! You can kill me if you’d like!”

Crying and fighting wasn’t enough to stop Jungkook

He pushed his whole length in and started fucking you hard without letting you adjust

You frantically cover your breast and private part with your hands but he flipped you around and took you from behind

You felt disgusting and worthless

Your blood was streaming down your thigh and it covered his cock

Jungkook grabbed your ripped wedding dress and wiped up all the blood so, you’ll never forget this day

He threw it in front of you to make you feel even more bad about yourself

You looked away from the dress and focused on your breathing

The speed he was going at was unbearable therefore, it was quite hard to catch your breath

You started to cry for help, calling for anyone who was brave enough to save you

Jungkook’s size wasn’t easy to adjust to

It felt like you were being ripped apart

Especially because it was your first time

“P-please! S-slower! I can’t-”

Your voice cracked in between your sobs

You felt his cock grow inside of you and his tip began rubbing against your cervix

The pain was too much to handle so, you started to cry harder

“No! Too much! I can’t take it!” You wailed, trying to move away from him

He pulled you right back and went as deep as he possibly could

You came around him and thought it was over

Little did you know, it was just the beginning

Hours later, you were under him sobbing hysterically

You were filled with his cum to the point where it was leaking out of you

There was literally a puddle of cum in between your legs

You had bruises all over your arms and body because of his tight grip

And his strong scent made your head spin

You were a helpless, mess

Hickeys covered your neck, collarbone and jawline

Your lips were swollen from all the rough kisses

Your clit was burning from overstimulation

Your cheek was red and bruised

But, Jungkook didn’t plan on stopping

You felt like you were going to pass out when suddenly ripples of forced pleasure pushed through your body

You held your breath and tried fighting off the feeling but it was impossible

You started to cry more, not being able to handle the fierce orgasm

You sobbed uncontrollably, not know what was happening to your body

Before you could open your eyes again, you passed out

Jungkook hovered over you again and fucked you 10x harder after watching you spasm around him

He didn’t care that you were unconscious

You looked so hot in that moment, he couldn’t resist

This continued on for the rest of the year until he purposely impregnated you

If his offspring had a mix of his genes and a mix of your genes, it’d definitely be one of the strongest wolves to ever live

You were crying so hard, telling him to stop because you weren’t on anything

After you found out you were pregnant, he blamed it on you

“You have one fucking job and it was to take your pill.”

“I ran out of pills and I told you that night! I told you to stop. Jungkook, I tried my best to warn you but you didn’t listen-”

He pushed you back on the bed and forced another orgasm out of you, not caring about your pregnancy

You couldn’t fight him off so, you stayed still and hoped for the best

You didn’t want to stress out because it would be bad for your baby

Although you were pregnant, Jungkook demanded sex

Even when you were 8 months pregnant, he still fucked you as hard as he could

You were in so much pain but handled it for your child

The next month, you gave birth

You were obviously new to the mom life and it was quite difficult to adjust

Usually, women have to wait 4-6 weeks before engaging in sexual intercourse

The doctor explained it to both you and Jungkook, so it’s not like he doesn’t know

After you breast feed your newborn son, you tuck him into bed and go to your shared bedroom

You were still in a lot of pain and really wanted some rest

Jungkook was out hunting and when he came home, he was a bit intoxicated

You smelt the alcohol the moment he stepped in the house

He stumbled his way upstairs and slammed the door shut, scaring your newborn

Your son started to cry so you quickly got up to put him back to sleep but Jungkook didn’t allow you

“See what you’ve done? You wouldn’t have to deal with this shit if you had just taken your pill.”

You ignored him and went to your son’s room to put him back to sleep

Jungkook followed you to his room and pulled you out before you could pick up your son

“Did you listen to what I said? I’m fed up with this attitude of yours.”

“Let’s not fight in front of him. We’ll talk in the room.”

You escaped his grip and put your son back to sleep

When you enter your room, you see Jungkook sitting on the edge of the bed with his belt in hand 

Your heart dropped to your stomach

“N-not today. It hasn’t even been 24 hours yet.”

He scoffed, “do you really think I give a shit?”

He raised his voice a little and you gestured him to keep it down

“Don’t yell, he’s sleeping.”

“This is my house, I can talk however I’d like.”

There was no winning against him, especially if he’s intoxicated

You thought you could hold him off for the night until he’s sober again, but you were completely wrong

You were going to your side of the bed when he whipped his belt below your butt

He pulled you by the hair onto the bed and pulled down your night shorts

“I can’t, Jungkook! It hasn’t been 4 weeks! No!”

Jungkook always gets what he wants

His body weight kept you down as his cock plunged deep inside your cunt

You haven’t healed properly, so the pain was intolerable

You covered your mouth with your hand and sobbed

You still needed to be quiet but it hurts so bad

You pushed your face into your pillow and attempted to let out quiet whimpers

“It hurts! Please, slower!” You whispered

Jungkook purposely went faster and the skin slapping was so loud, you were afraid it’d wake up the baby

You were gasping for air, trying to get his body weight off of you so you could breathe normally

An hour after, you had another orgasm

You clutched onto the bedsheets and tried your hardest to remain silent

Jungkook came inside you again and collapsed on top of you, making you groan

He grabbed your right breast and began sucking as hard as he could until milk squirted onto his tongue

You tried squirming around to get him off, but the more resistant you are the more aggressive he gets

In the end, you passed out like always

You kept your distance from him and gave all your attention to your son

He hated that your attention wasn’t on him 24/7

So, he gave your son to his parents for a full month and kept you locked up in the basement

For that whole month, he fucke you senselessly

You were having orgasms every night; you couldn’t do it anymore

He’d bite down on your nipples and manhandle you all sorts of ways

You were exhausted but your son’s life was always on the line

Jungkook could easily hurt him

He doesn’t really care about your son

(I mean, he does but he acts like he doesn’t so he can use it against you.)

Jungkook only looks at your son as your weakness

He’ll make you have three orgasms in a row and if you tell him to stop or slow down, he mentions your son and it immediately shuts you up

He loved having so much power over you

He could literally fuck you for the rest of your life

You didn’t understand why this was happening to you, but there was nothing that you could do about it

There’s no one that could help you and even if there was, Jungkook will always one step ahead

No one dares to mess with him

I know this has lots of mistakes. I’m so sorry😭

[dreamescapeswriting]

Burnt ~ MYG [Request]

WORD COUNT: 2.8K

PAIRING: Yoongi x Reader

GENRE: established-relationship, fluffy ending, running into ex, mentions of burning by accident, 

A/N: Again I used a wheel of names to select the member so that it was fair, we got Yoongi this time so I hope you enjoy it!!

It wasn't often that you and Yoongi got to enjoy some one on one time together so going out for the morning dog walks you did every day was something that you cherished. An hour-long walk just the three of you as you spoke about anything and everything that came to mind, catching up and spending time with the one guy you loved and your dog. The two of you had made it a tradition that you would go together deciding that since Yoongi was always so busy with something in his life this was his designated time for you and only you. Of course, you spent other times together but this was always a for-sure fire plan, there was no way out of it, it was always going to happen unless it was pouring it down with rain. This morning it was bright and early, the grass that you walked Min Holly on was crisp, the air was fresh and there was almost no one around besides the other people that were walking their dogs. Yoongi and you walked hand in hand as you took Holly over a field that wasn't fair from your home, 

"I was thinking of cooking dinner for you and the boys, Friday night?" You suggested as you threw a ball for Holly she began sprinting after it wildly while you stood with Yoongi under a tree, 

"Sure. We should try and make that cake they loved the last time they were over," He suggested as he gently took your hand in his, stroking his thumb over your knuckles and smiling happily as he looked at you. He never would have thought he could be this happy again but you brought out the best in him, he hadn't been this happy since his last relationship which had ended on pretty good terms. 

"Jimin loved it, even if it was falling apart," You laughed softly, bending down to pick up the ball that Holly had dropped by your feet, you handed over the wet tennis ball to Yoongi who threw it for his dog once again, going further than before. 

"Jimin loves everything you make for him, he swears by your cooking," Yoongi chuckled, standing behind you and wrapping his arms around your body enjoying the feeling of standing this close to you. Laying his head down on your shoulder he hummed in satisfaction of the silence that surrounded you. All that could be heard was the occasional car passing on a nearby road and the birds that were waking up in all of the trees, it was more relaxing than ever.

"I wonder what's taking Holly so long to get that ball," He mumbled a few moments later when he realised Holly hadn't come bounding back over to you as he usually would, ball in his mouth. 

"Holly?" You called out, patting your legs as you both began wandering over in the direction he was last seen running in, calling out his name as the both of you waited for some kind of sign that Holly was around there somewhere.

"Holly?" Yoongi cried out as you walked down the back of some trees that were heading towards a forest-like area, there was Holly rolled over on her back and getting belly rubs from another person who was dressed in a hoodie and some jeans. 

"Such a good boy, aren't you?" You heard a female voice coo as you approach her and your dog with Yoongi, worrying slightly if she was some kind of fan that had decided to stalk out where Yoongi walked Holly. 

"Hey, I'm sorry. He's just overly friendly sometimes, I'm sure he didn't mean to-" Yoongi stopped speaking mid-sentence when he looked up to see his ex-girlfriend sitting there with his dog, all of a sudden it was like he was only there with her and her alone. The rest of the world ceased to exist as they locked eyes for the first time in over six years, you stared at Yoongi wondering why he had suddenly stopped speaking and you glanced over at the female who was staring at him. Aera. You recognised her from the photos you'd found in Yoongi's home studio, she was his ex-girlfriend and the love of his life. Her name literally meant love. The sight of them looking at one another the way they did made your heart sink, he was looking at her as if she was the only woman in the world while she stared at him like it was the last time she ever would.

"Aera this is Y/n, Y/n this is Aera..." Yoongi finally said as he tore his eyes away from her, turning to look at you briefly before his eyes were glued to her once again. You didn't blame him she had been the love of his life for years until up and leaving six years ago to move to a different country, both of them deciding to end the relationship so neither of them had to go through with a terrible long-distance relationship. 

"It's lovely to meet you, I've heard a lot." You told her as you shook her hand, doing your best to seem as polite as possible, just because they had been together all those years ago didn't mean that they would be together again now, right? 

"It's been too long, what are you doing back?" He questioned her as you began to leash Holly back up to his walking gear, stroking the dog that was with Aera as you went down onto the floor. 

"I moved back, I was done with my studying and decided I missed home," She smiled softly at him and then all of a sudden it was as if you were no longer there again, the two of them began conversing back and forth about everything she had been doing over the last few years, catching up as you began a slow walk back home being ignored by your fiancé but you let it slide. He hadn't seen her in years and they had been best friends before they dated, you had nothing to worry about since you trusted him with your life.

"That was nice seeing her for a while," You told Yoongi as you began making breakfast for Holly, hoping to get your fiancé back into conversation with you but his head had been in his phone since getting back home probably letting the boys know who he had seen that morning. 

"Yoongi?" You questioned when he still didn't respond to you, sighing to yourself you kissed the top of his head before leaving to go and get a shower he was probably just stressed with work stuff. 

When you woke up the next morning you expected to roll over and find Yoongi as you usually would but you were created by cold and empty sheets, he was missing with no note left behind to say he had gone into work earlier than expected. 

"Yoongles?" You called out down the stairs as you walked down them, wrapping a dressing gown around your body in case he or the boys were around the house somewhere, it wasn't uncommon for the boys to just let themselves in when they saw fit. As you reached the porch you saw that Yoongi's coat was missing along with Holly's walking gear and Yoongi's walking boots, he'd gone without you? Glancing over at the clock there was no reason for him to have gone without you, the two of you would normally wake up now and walk Holly together. There was a sinking feeling in your gut as you thought about how he and Aera had been texting back and forth all day yesterday, had he gone out with her without telling you? It wouldn't have bothered you if he had just mentioned it to you or even left some kind of note as to where he was. 

Hey, I'll make some breakfast for when you're back if you like? xx Hitting send you waited anxiously for the message to be read but it was left as delivered while you went to shower and do your morning routine before he came home. 

"I made your favourite!" You called out as you saw Yoongi running around the house in a rush, Holly was eating his breakfast in the kitchen while Yoongi had rushed in the house to shower and change for work. It had been a two-hour long walk with Aera which didn't help ease the uneasy feeling you had but you kept your faith in Yoongi, he loved you and you loved him that was all you needed to put your attention on.

"I don't have time to eat, I'll grab something at work." He yelled out as he ran out of the house, into his car before you could even ask if he had enjoyed his walk out there that morning, you stared down at Holly sighing to yourself. 

"Guess it's me and you then," You said to him as you poured him some more water into his bowl. 

It continued on like that all week, Yoongi would go for the morning walks with Aera instead of with you, spending more and more time with her to the point where you felt you hardly saw him unless it was for an hour at night before going to bed but you were reminding yourself that tonight was your night with him and the boys. Friday night dinners together were traditional with him and the boys and everything was perfect, you'd spent all of that day preparing the food, baking desserts and perfecting everything that the boys would be eating that night but no one showed up. As each hour passed and they weren't there you began to grow sick with worry thinking that something had happened to them, calls and texts to each of them were going unanswered but there had been no reports in the media about what possibly could have happened. 

"Here Holly," You called out, pouring some of the food that he was able to eat into his food bowl before cleaning up the dining room, blowing out candles and putting the desserts into the fridge for a later time. It wasn't uncommon that the boys would work so late they lost track of time so you figured that was all that had happened. 

That was until Yoongi walked through the door looking as though he was about to burst, he had chocolate down his chin and behind him was Aera as she struggled to stand him up straight,

"What happened?!" You panicked, rushing over to them as you helped her stand him up, struggling to carry him up the stairs to your shared bedroom. 

"He had a little too much to drink with the boys at my place," Your heart practically stopped beating as you heard where he had been and who he had been with. 

"Your place?" Your voice was strong and it didn't stutter as much as you thought it was going to, she nodded at you not seeing an issue with it. 

"He's been with you all night?" She nodded again, 

"The guys and I have a tradition, meals every Friday and we used to switch who's place we went to...I figured since I was back I could invite them to mine...I asked Yoongi to bring you but he said you were busy." You nodded along with her as she began tucking Yoongi into bed but you stared at him, the subject hadn't even been bought up around you, Yoongi had neglected to mention he was going to cancel your dinner and go to hers instead. In fact, he'd neglected to mention anything as of late as he pushed you away and hung out with Aera more than you. 

"I'll let you get some sleep, it was nice meeting you again," She hugged you before leaving, you heard her lock the door before posting your keys back through the letterbox but your eyes never left Yoongi in his sleeping form. He was sneaking around to hang out with her but why? You trusted him and he knew that he could have just told you where he was going and there would never have been a problem but now it felt as if there was something going on. Something he was hiding.

Time went on and you began to slowly distance yourself more and more from Yoongi, you'd tried getting him to talk to you more but he was working or catching up with Aera, you had no idea how much catching up needed to happen but it was bothering you. It was as if you were no longer a part of his life, just a ghost living in his house as he continued on as everything was normal. 

"Stupid fireplace," You hissed as you tried to get the fireplace in your living room to turn on, it was one of those exceptionally cold nights where you couldn't get warm so sitting by the fire with hot chocolate and a book was something you were going to do. Normally Yoongi would be the one to sort the fireplace out but he was nowhere to be seen so you were left to fend for yourself.

Letting out a smile in relief as the flames finally caught you began to get comfortable on the floor, settling down to read when you heard a crackling noise that didn't sound great but you pushed it aside thinking it was just the fireplace in its old age. 

Guilt swelled up inside of Yoongi as he sat beside you in the hospital bed, he'd gotten a call to say you'd been rushed into emergency services when he was with Aera and he rushed to you. Sitting beside your bed the whole night before and even now, a day later, he was sitting with you. 

"What happened?" Jimin questioned as he walked into the room to see Yoongi watching you, Jimin placed a vase of flowers down onto the nightstand at the bottom of the hospital bed. 

"I was with Aera, she must have tried to light the fireplace," Yoongi explained as he looked at the burns that were on your left leg, it was nothing major but it was still a burn that he could have prevented if he hadn't wasted so much time hanging out with Aera so much. "She's been trying to get me to be with her for weeks and I kept pushing her away," His voice cracked as he began to cry, thinking of all the times he should have been with you. None of this would have happened if he had just been there. 

"I'm sure she'll understand that you wanted some time with Aera," Jimin explained but Yoongi shook his head, 

"There's no excuse for me to leave Y/n. I love her and I just pushed her aside because of what?!" You woke up to him yelling and you whined, turning to look at him you already knew what they were bickering about. 

"She was the love of your life...I didn't want to get in the way," You breathed out as you tried to sit up, hissing in pain as you stopped. 

"You can't move yet, the nurse will need to come and check you over." He whispered as he kissed your lips softly, calling the nurse button and watching Jimin leave the room. 

"I will never, ever leave you again...I was so stupid," He mumbled to himself, beating himself up over something that couldn't have been helped, 

"Yoongi you missed her, I understand if you don't want to be with me anymore..." His eyes shot to you as he shook his head dramatically, 

"Of course I want to be with you, only you!" He cried out, taking your hand in his and smiling, kissing your hands softly.

"Then say those three words," You giggled softly looking into his eyes as he looked back at you, 

"I love you." You smiled even more, leaning forward to kiss him softly, laying back down when the nurse came into the room.

Tagline: @lyoongx​ @mitzwinchester​ @taestannie​ @rjsmochii​ @kneel-begyourpardon​ @sw33tnight​ @sweeneyblue1​ @innersooya​ @jin-from-the-block​ @acciocriativity​ @mwitsmejk​

[creativeashproductions]

Lost Time // Luke Patterson

Summary: Things changed since Sunset Curve fell apart literally as three out of four members died before a gig. Leaving a sad girl behind Luke by chance runs into the reader with someone else. Death tore the couple apart, and time can’t fix this.

Warning: Talk of death, depression, angst and fluff

Words: 2.2k

Might as well join the Julie and the Phantoms fan club!

*For the sake of the story the time frame has been altered, it takes place in the mid-2000s. Also! I tried to make the reader as generalized as I could to make sure that everyone can relate. The reader is Alex’s sister, for inclusion that can be biological, adopted, half or stepsiblings. I want to make sure all people can be the reader.

Masterlist

THIS IS FROM MY SECONDARY BLOG! REPOST!!

The 1990s was definitely some of the best years of your life watching your brother grow more comfortable in his identity. Alex had kept his sexuality secret, taking the frustration of the secret by learning how to play the drums. You would often be found curled on the chair listening to his growing talent; Alex was a great brother.

Alex found friends in three local boys Reggie, Bobby and Luke, even a little more than friends with Luke briefly. By 1991 the boys had formed a band Sunset Curve with each other and a loyal fan in you. By mid-1994 the band had a fanbase and some gigs, but playing The Orpheum was the goal.

Luke had admitted to Alex, he had feelings for you, and with a lot of encouragement from Alex, he approached you. Luke had been focused on music since his parents gave him his first guitar, so relationships weren’t even on the backburner.

“Hey.” Luke spoke, pressing a kiss to your cheek backstage, “Missed you.”

His hair tickled your skin, bringing a bright smile from the teenage boy and a deep blush from you, private time wasn’t as often as it once had been. After Luke’s fallout with his parents a few months back, he had couch surfed between Reggie and Alex’s rooms; he wasn’t allowed in yours.

“You saw me last night.”

“A monumental time.” Luke bent his bend to place a lingering kiss on your bare shoulder, his jacket having fallen down, “Three years together and a bright future ahead.”

Last night had been the third anniversary of your relationship and hopefully the previous night worrying on parents walking in, cheap dates Luke often felt guilty about. Luke knew in his bones playing The Orpheum tonight would open the door to a legendary future. A future where money wasn’t tight and he could you on dates he deemed acceptable for the love of his life.

Bobby voiced brought Sunset Curve’s lead singer back to that moment, you dropped from the stage to settle in the empty audience to watch the soundcheck. With a wink from Alex, he started making the beat to Now or Never, you beamed as they poured their souls into the song. The four were talented and made to be in a band together even if you didn’t really like Bobby.

Cringing at the awkward wink Bobby sent you turned on your converse to head to the bar for a glass of water. Thanking the bartender, you tuned out the conversation with the waitress and the band only jumping when arms wrapped around your waist.

“We’re getting street dogs.” Luke spoke, bringing your body to rest on his chest, “Do you want one?”

The thought of those street dogs honestly horrifying given they were cooked in some random guys car. The one time you tried, it had permanently tattooed the taste in your memories forever, and just remembering was vomit-inducing.

 “I’ll pass.” You wrinkled your nose, turning to wrap your arms around his neck, “I don’t know how you guys like those.”

“Tradition.” Luke shrugged caressing your cheekbone with the pad of this thumb. Gazing at features he wanted to wake up to for the rest of his life, “Still down with the plan?”

“The minute I’m eighteen, we go to the nearest chapel.” You grinned playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, “I’ll be waiting Rockstar.”

Luke pressed a long passionate kiss on your lips, pulling away to jog over to Alex and Reggie waiting at the door. Bobby having declined the street dog invitation to flirt with the waitress Rose. Alex waved before the door closed. Little did you know that would be the last time you saw them alive.

1995 was the worst year of your life. 1996 was the hardest, especially with the forever reminder of your love. You wouldn’t trade 1996 for the world however, only wishing for one change.

Los Angeles, 2004

Alex, Reggie and Luke had learnt a mere few days away from that life had drastically changed forever. Firstly, the three boys had died from eating the street dogs mere hours before performing on the stage of The Orpheum. Secondly, it was no longer 1995 but instead nearly ten years had past bringing the three ghosts into 2004.

The most jarring wasn’t being able to be heard playing music with a random girl named Julie but that the most constant part of the band no longer was there. You hadn’t died that night, and Alex was pretty sure you were still alive. Luke felt lost waking up without you beside him and the deep regret of not reconciling with his parents.

It would be a week before Luke would swallow his pride enough to orb himself into his unchanged childhood home. Emily, Luke’s mom, was in the well-worn chair knitting a scarf Luke recognized as his favourite colours. Mitch was in the kitchen, putting the groceries away. It was heartbreaking being invisible to his aged parents.

“Hey, Mom.” Luke sniffled sitting on the couch nearby staring at his silent mother, “Sorry for not visiting sooner.”

Tears welled up in the boy’s eyes feeling hopeless, not being able to ease his parents’ pain, the regret and guilt bubbling to the surface.

“How is Y/N? I bet she’s living in New York of London now. We promised to travel the world together. Part of me is guilty of wishing she had eaten a street dog that night so we could be together.” Luke sobbed, wrapping his arms around his midsection reminiscing on the beautiful girl he had unwillingly left.

“Hey.” Mitch spoke, kissing his wife’s forehead. Her eyes closing in contentment.

“I wonder if you know where Reg and Alex’s parents are. Reggie’s neighbourhood was torn down who knows when. It makes me scared to see if Alex and Y/N’s parents still have their place. I don’t think so. They lost their son.”

“Hey Luke.”

Luke glanced over his shoulder to see Alex at the door, reluctant to impose of Luke’s privacy.

“Yeah.”

“We’re rehearsing.” Alex spoke, smiling as the other teenager took one more wistful look at his parents before orbing out of his house to the Molina family’s garage. Minutes later, the front door opening and feet thudding brought the noise to the Patterson home.

“Grandma!”

A four-foot blue of green and black blur covered the room in seconds nearly sprawling Mitch to the floor. Why was that 1996 year difficult? Well, ’95 was when Sunset Curve tragically died, and a stick changed your life. ’96 was spent going through the last five months of pregnancy without Luke.

October 1995

You kept your lips pressed tightly together, unable to look at the smooth, shiny mahogany rectangle surrounded by flowers. Looking up meant the reality kicking in. Funerals sucked. Especially the third funeral in the last handful of days. It was surreal thinking that one week ago you had kissed your boyfriend and hugged your brother and now they were dead. Gone. Not even a goodbye.

“Are you okay?” The broke voice asked, gaining your attention. Swollen red eyes matching yours held unimaginable pain. While the last few months had been icy with your parents, it didn’t mean losing one of their kids didn’t sting.

“I will be.” You whispered clasping your hands over the scratchy black velvet dress, one you had worn three times too many.

The sobs broke out seeing the best picture Alex had taken in his life, it encapsulated his best features; his beaming smile and kind, caring eyes. Alex was gone. Your brother was gone because he ate a bad hot dog with his friends. You would never see your boys again. Never feel Luke’s skin or share a laugh with Alex or complain about things with Reggie. You wouldn’t get to meet in the chapel with Luke wearing second hand ‘fancy’ clothing. In one night, your life changed.

It changed further seeing the two lines on the test later that night. The heartache growing. The baby you carried would never meet his uncles and his Dad. Would never hear them play or learn to play. ’95 and ’96 sucked ass.

You sighed, closing the door to follow the rambunctious ball of energy into the living room where he entertained Mitch and Emily. Some days it was difficult to stare into the green eyes he inherited from his father.

“Benjamin Lucas.” You spoke crossing your arms, meeting the gaze of the eight-year-old boy, “What did I say?”

“To not runoff.” Ben quietly replied, playing with his hands. His messy brown hair, in need of a trim, falling into his eyes, “Sorry Mom.”

“Please don’t do it again.” You gently told the little boy elated as he quickly found the toy box in the corner of the room.

Ben was loved deeply by Mitch and Emily, who had stepped up when your parents made the decision to sell your childhood home. Wanting Ben to know his paternal grandparents, you had struggled to find an apartment and job to say in the neighbourhood. Since the baby was the last part of their son, the Patterson parents’ had welcomed you into the home where you stayed until Ben was two.

“Do you want us to come around for Luke’s birthday?” You questioned sitting on the love seat, the same love seat you had made out on with Luke many times during movies.

The room turned sad at the question and reminded that for the ninth year, you would celebrate Luke’s birthday without him. A day where Ben wouldn’t fully understand. Emily simply nodded her head.

 “Have you met anyone?” Mitch asked, leaning over to clasp his hands together. For the last few years, they had been pushing you to date. They wanted your happiness and for Ben to have a father even if Luke couldn’t be it.

“Mama can we stay here tonight?” Ben’s innocent voice cut the tension, saving you from answering the question again. Mitch and Emily each nodded their heads at the question, unable to tell the young boy no.

“Have you ate?” Emily asked, turning to look at you in concern. The chuckle left your mouth at the question she frequently requested, she missed cooking for more than two.

“We had pasta before we came.” You replied, turning to gaze out the window to the dark sky, “I should put Ben to bed.”

The soft whine from your son and denial was a nightly routine and very much a mirror image to Luke’s character as well. With a smile, Emily held out her hand to her grandchild, she was notoriously the only one able to get Ben to sleep fast.

 “Come on Bug.”

It seemed the universe was keeping Luke from seeing you and discovering Ben, but when that night came, he was shocked. Emily was curled up on the patio couch, watching Ben in the newly bought sandbox. The patio doors opened. Inside, Mitch had invited a stranger who knew his son into the house.

 “I think I heard the doorbell. I’ll be right back.” Emily called out to you. You had found shade under the tree reading a new book.

The soft cry had you up and running to Ben before you even realized, on his knee was a bleeding wound. You had already scooped the boy into your arms to quickly get into the kitchen. The moment your foot stepped into the home, the sound of a familiar voice and song filled the house.

Gently placing Ben on his feet, you followed the sound to the living room. Across the room behind a young girl stood a boy.

“Luke.” You breathed floored at the sight of the teenager who looked exactly like he did back in ’95. The ghost singing widened his eyes at yours, taking in the mature features and change of fashion.

He continued to sing the song Unsaid Emily he had written as an apology to his mom following the last big fight. The song he never got to show her. His voice faded as the ending of the song came around.

“Mama!” Your attention broke from Luke’s when a tiny hand reached for yours. The pain in his voice bringing you back to the most important part of your life, “It hurts Mama.”

Despite being sad, Mitch was the one to cross the room to lift the little boy into his arms. Placing the little boy on the counter, the man gently wet a paper towel to wash the area.

“I think he needs stitches.” Mitch sighed, furrowing his brows.

“Who is that?” Luke asked the Molina girl. The girl shrugged taking in the features she could recognize. Julie asked Emily.

“That’s Ben.” Emily beamed, looking over her shoulder at the little boy that filled the void of Luke’s death. It didn’t fix the wound or erase the pain, but Ben’s existence helped with the loss as he was a precious gift, “When Luke passed away his girlfriend Y/N found out she was pregnant with Luke’s baby.”

The choked sob fell from Luke’s mouth echoed by the thud of his knees, hitting the floor in the pure shock. The heartbreak painted so clear Julie was sure she could feel Luke’s agony.

God, why did Luke have to eat that fucking street dog. Fuck his band dreams. Nothing hurt as bad as finding out about Ben and Y/N having to be a single parent.

“I have a son?” Luke cried, orbing himself as far as he could from the Patterson home and his most tremendous loss.

Part Two

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[seokjinsdisciple]

Enemy - two

johnny x reader (this is mostly smut with some fluff thrown in because im soft for this man)

THIS IS BASED ON ENEMY AND WHILE YOU DON’T HAVE TO READ IT TO UNDERSTAND YOU PROBABLY SHOULD

it’s been three months since you got fucked by johnny in the elevator of your apartment building. and much to your own fault, you can’t stop thinking about him

UNEDITED

word count: 4k (this is literally so long for no reason)

warnings: language, fingering, degradation, choking, hair-pulling, overuse of the word kitten and sir and probably baby too, mentions of sex toys, vibrators, mutual masturbation for like a second, size kink if you squint, mentions of punishments, idk what to say... theres probably more because im a whore for johnny

You hadn’t spoken to Johnny since the incident. In fact, you’ve tried to avoid any encounters with him at all. You try to plan your day around whether he has already left or not, and while that's proven rather difficult with your classes, it's been working out ok. You had been avoiding him for a solid 3 months, only seeing him occasionally and practically sprinting away when you spotted him.

Granted, you have had a tough couple of months, sexual frustration forcing your thoughts into the depths of hell more often than not. You 100% blamed Johnny for this, unable to get his face from your mind and name from your lips as you came. And that’s when you were actually able to get yourself to finish. Johnny had ruined you, he had ruined orgasms for you forever. Your one night stands didn’t stand a chance, and not even your favorite black vibrator could get you there half of the time. 

Fuck Johnny and his stupidly gorgeous face, and mind consuming body. The past few months had been going like this. You had memorized exactly when Johnny would be in class, out with friends or doing god knows what. Allowing yourself those moments to take out your sexual frustrations. 

You had been sitting on your couch all day, counting down the minutes until the tell tale sound of Johnny’s front door closing. When you finally heard it, you sprang into action, sprinting to your room and throwing open the drawer of your nightstand. You groaned as you tore your pants off as quickly as you could, already dripping from the thoughts of Johnny that had been swirling around your head all day long. 

You let out a too loud whimper when you finally pressed your fingers to your clit. Taking no time at all to start relieving some of the pressure that had been making you ache all day long. You were certain that if anyone on your floor was home, they would be able to hear your broken moans and whimpers. The sheer desperation outweighing your rational thoughts to quiet the hell down. 

In fact, your thoughts had completely left as you pressed your vibrator against yourself, biting into the pillow nearest to you as you writhed around on your bed. You were moaning broken fragments of Johnny’s name now, so desperate to cum yet so far from reaching your high that all reason had left your brain. 

You sat up quickly at the sound of the knocking. The panic of being caught by one of your neighbors causing you to almost fall as you tugged on your sweats and rushed to the door. 

You pulled upon your front door without much thought, apologies preparing to spill out of your lips until you met the dark eyes of Johnny. His hair had grown in the months you’d barely seen him. Your eyes flitted from his shoulder length blonde hair down to his rosy cheeks and bitten lips. 

“You’re so fucking loud,” he growled, walking into your apartment and closing the door in front of your frozen figure, “Are you always moaning my name this loud when I’m in class, kitten?”

“Johnny I can-,” you started, breath hitching in your chest as he gripped your jaw firmly. 

“I think that was a yes or no question,” Johnny spoke, “Do you always touch yourself when I’m gone?”

You were trembling at his dominant gaze, the stickiness between your thighs practically doubling at both his appearance and his words. You nodded, heat filling your entire body at the sheer embarrassment of him knowing how fucked you had been ever since that day on the elevator. 

“Words,” he growled, “Don’t make me punish you.”

“Yes, sir,” you whimpered, heat thrumming through your body as his thumb rubbed your jaw, raising an eyebrow at the new nickname. 

“Good girl,” he praised, cupping your cheek as he pressed a frantic kiss to your lips. Taking no time at all to deepen the kiss, licking your bottom lip. You opened up for him easily, groaning as his tongue explored your mouth, hands finding purchase on his chest. His lips trailed down to your neck, biting and sucking on the most sensitive parts of your neck. 

“Johnny please,” You begged, your hands finding their way into his hair. Your fingers tangling and tugging at the long blonde locks, smiling in satisfaction at his groan.

“Oh no baby,” Johnny said, grinning up at you and wiggling his eyebrows, “There’s no way in hell you call me Johnny after I hear the word sir leave that sinful little mouth of yours.”

You can’t help but roll your eyes at him, smacking his arm lightly. “Shut up.”

“Are you familiar with the color system?” He asked, placing a gentle bite on your earlobe. 

“Red for hard stop, yellow for pause and green for all good?” You asked, half moaning as Johnny’s hands slipped up your shirt. 

“Yeah that's the one,” Johnny muttered, “Color?”

“Green,” you whined as he pinched your nipple between his fingers, rolling gently.

“Good, because your brattiness is starting to piss me off, kitten,” he said, bringing his other hand around your neck and putting delicious pressure on your pulse. “Now I’m curious baby, just how long have you been getting off when I’m not supposed to be home? How many times have you come with my name on your lips?”

“Since-,” you started, “Since that day in the elevator.”

Johnny just tutted at you, forcing you to meet his gaze, “And you’ve been hiding what’s mine from me all this time?”

“I wouldn’t say it’s yours,” you smirked, chuckling at the light smack he gave your ass. 

“If it wasn’t mine, kitten,” he snarled, “then you wouldn’t come thinking of me. And by your pretty little moans earlier, we all know that’s not the case.”

At that Johnny threw your form over his shoulder, giving another playful hit to your ass before leading you to your bedroom. He set you gently on the bed, caging your body with his arms and pressing a swift kiss to your lips. You were about to question why he’d torn his lips from you, but you were stopped by his mischievous grin and the emergence of your still vibrating black vibrator. 

“Oh my god, Johnny,” you hit him in the shoulder, “turn it off!”

“Is this the Johnny you kept moaning so loudly about? He so rudely interrupted my afternoon nap you know.”

“You are insufferable!” you whined, trying to cover your embarrassed face with your hands. 

“Use it.”

“What?” you asked, peeking out from behind your hands. 

“I want to see you use it,” Johnny said simply, “You’ve been using this to cum all on your own. I wanna see how lil Johnny has been treating you.”

“Johnny you can’t be serious.”

“Oh I’m very serious,” he said, pulling your pants down for you, whistling lowly at the sight of your arousal smeared across your thighs, “It is a shame you misbehaved so much and need to be punished, kitten. I love the way you look with my fingers inside of you. Too bad.”

“Johnny, please,” you groaned, imagining just how incredible his fingers would feel right about now. 

“I thought I told you to call me sir, hm?” He asked, slapping the inside of your thigh before handing you the vibrator, “Now get to work.”

You let out a little whine as Johnny settled himself across the bed, staring intently at you. You took a deep breath, turning on your vibrator again, sucking your bottom lip into your teeth as you pressed it to your clit. Your eyes met with Johnny’s, his pupils dilated and lust-filled as he took in your already wrecked appearance. 

Your hips jolted, the power from the vibrator enough to have a familiar string of moans leaving your lips. You whined at the sight of Johnny palming himself over his sweats, reaching out with your free hand to try and touch him in some way. 

“Awe poor baby needs help?” Johnny pouted at you, “But I thought you could get off by yourself?”

You just groaned at this, endless afternoons of you coming so close to the edge but never making it flashing in your mind as you tried, and failed to prove him wrong. Your eyes never left his, and you were getting sick of the mischief that was in his. He was clearly taking too much pleasure from teasing you. Well two can play at that game. 

“Don’t you want to play with me, sir?” You asked, moaning as you slid a finger into yourself, never breaking eye contact with Johnny. You let out an exaggerated whine, spreading your legs further apart before pouting, “I guess I’ll just get off all by myself.”

Johnny smirked at you, an all knowing look in his eye as he sat up. He pressed a featherlight kiss to your cheek, and then your neck before tugging your shirt off of your body. 

“You’re lucky I’m so nice, kitten,” He grinned at you, turning the vibrator off  and throwing it from the bed before grazing his teeth over your nipples, “And so impatient.”

He may have called himself impatient, but his touches were light and teasing. Barely there, and by the time you had realized where his fingers were they had moved somewhere else. It was torture. 

“Please, sir,” you begged, groaning as his fingertips grazed your clit for a second. 

“What’s the matter, kitten?” He asked, feigning confusion, “I thought you wanted me to play with you?”

“You know that’s not what I meant,” you argued back, voice getting quieter at the dangerous look Johnny sent you. 

“You aren’t being very nice for someone who is trying to get what they want,” Johnny warned, nipping down the length of your body before placing a bit on the inside of your thigh. He let out a pleased sigh as his eyes met with your dripping sex, placing gentle kisses all around it, but never in the place you wanted it. “And you never answered my question, kitten. How many times have you cum with my name on your lips, hm?”

“I--,” you started, sucking in a breath as he pressed a gentle kiss to your core, “I haven’t been able to since that day. I’ve only cum a handful of times.”

Johnny pulled away from your core, a surprised look crossing his face before he gave you a gentle smile. “Fuck. No wonder why you’re so worked up kitten, god. It’s been almost 3 months and you haven’t cum properly?”

You nodded at him, hands intertwining with his as he worked his mouth back up your body. 

“My poor baby, so needy. A pretty little slut like you can’t go that long without cumming,” Johnny said pressing his lips anywhere they could reach, “Let me take care of that for you. Come sit on my face, let me show you how much I missed you."

You ignored his laugh as you desperately shot up, practically throwing him down on the bed. You would be lying if you said you hadn’t spent more hours than not thinking about the way his tongue had felt pressed against your heat.

You could’ve cried when you finally straddled his head. His large hands pulling you down to settle on his mouth. Surprisingly he got to work right away, licking furiously at your desperate clit, fingers spreading and kneading your ass as you melted for him. You couldn’t help but fall forward as his ministrations continued, hands landing on either side of his torso as your eyes were met with the outline of his cock. 

You whimpered at a particularly powerful lick, hands immediately reaching to untie his sweatpants. You tried to wiggle them off, Johnny lifting his hips to help you. You drooled when you finally saw his cock standing proud and red, aching for some sort of friction. Clearly Johnny had a lot more self-control than you. 

You wasted no time pulling his dick in your mouth, moaning around his length as he kept passionately eating you out. He was acting like he was a man starved, messily licking into you and making the most lewd noises. Not that you were any better, suckling loudly around his length. 

“Such a desperate slut,” Johnny moaned, pulling away from you for a second, “I try giving you a reward and you don’t last a minute before trying to fill one of your holes with my cock.”

You moaned around him, his words causing your pussy to shudder as he slipped a long digit into your folds. His finger, partnered with his tongue was too much. It felt too good. With the weight of Johnny’s cock on your tongue, his finger hitting your sensitive spots and his mouth ravishing your clit, you were fast approaching your high. 

You let him slip out of your mouth, an unashamed moan leaving your lips as you started grinding your hips desperately against his hot tongue. 

“Please, sir,” you moaned, “Please please please let me cum, I’m so close. I’ll do anything. I’ll be good, please just let me cum.”

He sucked your clit harsley before muttering, “Cum.”

You came almost immediately, sheer pleasure rocking through your body as you spasmed in Johnny’s hold. Legs shaking as you gripped onto the bed sheets for any sort of hold. 

You could feel Johnny’s hands rubbing soothing circles across your skin, gently flipping you over so you were laying on the bed. He kissed you gently as you came down from your high, thumb rubbing your hip bone gently until your breathing regulated. 

When your eyes fluttered open you were met with a grinning Johnny, pressing a soft kiss to your nose and cupping your face with both of his hands. 

“Hi,” you giggled, smiling back at him.

“Hi,” he smiled back, “Better?”

You nodded at him, bringing him back down into a kiss, a much needier kiss. When you pulled away, you pouted. 

“What now?” Johnny joked, playfully rolling his eyes at you. 

“You are wearing too many clothes.”

He let out a full laugh then, pecking your lips once more before sitting up and throwing his shirt off. You let your hand run up his abdomen, fingers grazing the well-defined sections of his abs, before reaching his cock. You wrapped your hand tightly around his member, opening your mouth easily to him as he crashed his lips against yours. 

“Color?” he asked, breathing heavily as you continued to pump his length in your hands. 

“Green,” you said, “Fuck, so green. Johnny please fuck me.”

And just like that Johnny snapped into his dom persona, his eyes darkening once again. He pushed your hand away from him, his other hand wrapping around your neck. 

“I thought I told you to call me sir.” He growled, slapping the inside of your thigh before sliding two fingers in your cunt. He started a relentless pace, teeth biting at your lips before kissing you. He squeezed your throat a little tighter, eyes flickering to yours to check for any discomfort. When he didn’t see any he latched his mouth onto you nipple, biting and sucking there as he began scissoring you open. Moans were tumbling out of your mouth, your already sensitive body thrumming with pleasure as he ravished you. 

When he deemed you ready enough he threw your legs over his shoulders, your body pressed together as he bottomed out with a groan. His hair was dangling down and brushing against your body, tickling you slightly as he moved. You were absolutely throbbing around him. The stretch of his cock causing your walls to flutter around him. 

“Fuck,” you muttered, feeling him so deep in your that you could’ve sworn you could see a bulge in your stomach. He pulled out slowly as he felt you relax around him, thrusting back harshly. 

He kept a brutal pace, your body inching up the bed at the power of his thrusts. The two of you were loud, Johnny’s grunts spurring on your moans. You could tell that he was just as worked up as you were, biting and sucking any space of skin he could connect his mouth to. 

“God, your little hole was made for my cock, huh kitten?” Johnny moaned, wrapping his hand around your neck once more, the moans flying out of your mouth praise enough for him to keep going. 

You were being fucked so hard you couldn’t see straight, the breath knocked out of you from both Johnny’s thrusts and his hold around your neck. The lack of oxygen to your brain was creating a delicious fog of pleasure. 

You protested as Johnny pulled out, going silent as he turned you over and harshly slapped your ass. You smiled dumbly as he slid his cock back into you, feeling so happy and full. You had been dreaming about his cock being in you again for months, and you couldn’t be happier that he was currently fucking you dumb with it. 

You couldn’t help but clench your pussy around his cock as he wrapped your hair in his hand and pulled. He groaned at the sensation, keeping your hair in one hand and grabbing your hip with the other.  He was frantic at this point, pulling your hip to meet his thrusts. 

You weren’t going to last. You weren’t going to last with your hair being pulled, and him hitting your spots so powerfully. He knew it too, the way you were clenching around him and cursing were dead giveaways. And he didn’t stop as his thrusts lost their rhythm, simply reaching his hand between your legs and circling your clit with his fingers. 

You took this as permission to cum, probably asking him for permission anyways. You had no idea what words were coming out of your mouth. You knew you were moaning, and shaking and so so close. It wasn’t until you heard the fuck fall from his lips and felt the warmth of his cum filling you that your snapped. Body shaking in pleasure as your eyes rolled to the back of your head. 

White noise filled your head as you clenched and unclenched around Johnny’s cock. Johnny was breathing just as heavily as you were, his body pressed firmly against your back. He took a few moments to collect himself, before gently pulling out of you and flopping to the side. He pulled you gently to his side, tucking the loose strands of hair behind your ear as the two of you lay in silence. 

“We should shower,” he whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of your head. 

“I don’t wanna move,” you groaned, “I don’t think I can move after that.”

Your head wiggled as Johnny’s chest shook with laughter, a foreign feeling filling your stomach as you smiled back at him.  

“Well I will take full responsibility and carry you to the shower myself,” he said, sitting abruptly before pulling you completely in his arms, your legs automatically wrapping around his torso as he stood up. 

“Shower or bath?” he asked, setting you on the bathroom counter when he reached your bathroom. 

“Shower,” you decided quickly, pouting your lips for a kiss, which Johnny happily obliged, “Then we can eat dinner faster.”

“My thoughts exactly,  kitten,” he smiled at you, checking the temperature of the water before grabbing both of your hands and leading you under the spray. He got started washing your body, giving your muscles a light massage as he lathered the soap. 

He was taking care of you so well, cleaning every part of your body as gently as he could, pressing kisses anywhere he pleased. You couldn’t help but panic a little bit at the domesticity of it all. Just this morning you were calling him your sworn enemy, and now here you were, being cared for by him. Letting him lather your shampoo and wash your hair. It was almost painful the explosion of butterflies you felt, your heart beating out of your chest as you studied his face. His tongue was poking out slightly, focused on massaging your scalp. He was so damn handsome.

“Quit staring,” he laughed, “I know I'm irresistible but I don’t want you to get shampoo in your eyes.”

“Oh shut up,” you laughed, dumping some shampoo in your hand so that you could wash his hair too. 

He toweled you off when you were done, pecking your lips quickly before heading back to your bedroom and pulling on his sweats. You followed behind him, pulling on some comfy clean clothes and heading into the living room. You watched as the muscles in his back tensed while he was looking for any sort of food, and you laughed when he told you to buy more groceries. 

You had definitely misjudged him, a fact that was clearly evident as you talked over boxes of take out. It turns out one of his grandparents had passed away, which is why he didn’t do any work on his group project, and his mom was struggling financially right now so he moved into this cheap place to send her any leftover money he could. 

“I feel like a dick,” you whined, shoving another piece of chicken into your mouth.

“You didn’t know,” Johnny reminded you, gently rubbing your calf, “Although I like the title girlfriend a lot better than enemy.”

“I’m not saying yes until you take me on a date,” you kicked him gently in the stomach, grinning at his fake hurt expression. 

“We all know I won’t have to wait long,” he laughed, “I’m not the one who had any trouble getting off after the frist time.”

You sat up at this, tickling fingers ready, “You are so annoying, Johnny. Don’t get cocky!” 

You both settled down after calling a truce,a smile ong your lips and Johnny’s hand in yours as you watched some stupid movie. Being with Johnny felt right, it felt good. He was easy to talk to, and could make you laugh so hard ramen came out of your nose. That night, when you fell asleep on the couch and woke up on the bed, you knew exactly who had carried you there. A snoring Johnny beside you with his arm draped over your stomach. Yeah, you had definitely misjudged him. What better way to apologize than by waking him up with your mouth. 

So that's exactly what you did. He woke up pretty quickly, groaning as realized the wet warmth that surrounded his cock. 

“Mmm, good morning to you too,” he joked groggily, running one of his hands through your hair as you continued sucking. 

You watched as his breathing started to escalate, abs tensing as he let out beautiful moans. His eyes were hazy, clearly still sleepy, but they were trained on yours. He pulled you off of his length easily, dragging your face up for a slow but intense kiss. You lifted your butt as he pulled your shorts down, lips never parting. Quiet breathy moans filling your room as he pushed his length slowly into you. It was slow and lazy and perfect. His hands held onto your hips as you rode him. 

“You look beautiful,”he whispered, rubbing one of his hands up and down your waist. 

“You don’t look half-bad yourself,” you joked, hips stuttering at the pleasure. It didn’t take long for the two of you to finish, kissing lazily while you fucked and not stopping after the two of you had finished. 

“Hey Johnny,” you started, pulling away for just a moment, “I really really like you.”

“Hey Yn,” he repeated, kissing your nose, “I really really like you too.”

You watched as his eyes crinkled while he flashed you a smile, and yeah you had a feeling you were fucked.

[adorethedistance]

City Slicker, Cowboyfriend - Owen Joyner x Reader

JATP masterlist

Warnings: Swearing, nerves, mentions of covid.

Words: 2163

Summary: You’re starting to have doubts about moving all the way to Norman until a shopping trip to Ikea turns into the meet-cute you’ve been waiting for.

A/n: This isn’t a request or one of my Valentines day fics, this is just something that I have had stuck in my head ever since Owen posted this on IG and bc I’m facing total writers block with my other pieces I cranked this one out in a few hours to get the ball rolling again. Hopefully. Enjoy this totally unproofed, fluffy madness!! (Because who doesn’t need more Owen content in their life?)

There are perks to moving and one of them is undoubtedly: shopping. For furniture, home decor, kitchen utensils, whatever! Granted, shopping alone can be tedious and, for some, like pulling teeth, thus, I’ve enlisted the help of my best friends Leila and Chelsea. I didn’t even have to bribe them to come because everyone loves getting lost in Ikea. It’s one of the best things about the human experience.

“It’s been so long since I’ve been in an Ikea,” Leila says to no one in particular as we walk through the onslaught of staged bedrooms.

“What?! Are you telling me you don’t get meatballs and lawn chairs on a weekly basis?” My exaggeration makes Leila laugh as she steps into one of the display kitchens. Looking between me and Chelsea she asks,

“What would you do if I turned the handle then a jet of water sprayed out?”

“Die, I guess.”

The three of us continue through the faux house displays and past the mattresses despite Leila’s urge to jump on every single one. As we walk through the section of different lighting features, I sigh with a frown as I think about college. I changed my bachelor’s to an associate’s so I could graduate in two years. Chelsea’s parents moved out here at the end of our senior year in high school, and she moved with them to study in Norman. Leila in turn went to Arizona for an athletic physical therapy gig, leaving me to face college alone in L.A.. In the two years the three of us were apart, we missed each other more and more, and after determining which of the three states we lived in was cheapest, we packed up and headed East. Covid kind of delayed our plans. But after a few months, I picked Leila up from Arizona and together we chased open job opportunities into Norman, Oklahoma. The three of us found an apartment space to live in together and thus, we ended up in Ikea on this fine Sunday afternoon.

Snapping back into reality I see Leila standing directly under a light that’s hanging very low from the ceiling. Once standing directly underneath it, she pulls down her mask and opens her mouth, rising to her toes to eat the fixture.

“Leila, don’t you dare fellate that light bulb! You’re gonna get us kicked out.”

I swear I’m practically their mom when it comes to behaving in public. Figuring they can’t hurt themselves in the college dorm section, I lead them quickly through it and into the giant furniture warehouse section. On the far wall, I see a large poster of a couple smiling brightly behind Chelsea, but I don’t bother to read the text. Leila and I spot the poster at the same time, and the imagery jogs her memory.

“Chelsea, how’s Hunter? Haven’t heard from him slash about him in like a week,” she asks about Chelsea’s boyfriend of a year.

“Oh, yeah, he tore a ligament in his wrist.”

“What?!”

“Yeah, I guess he moved it wrong or something and put too much stress on the area that it just tore. He was moving hay bales into the horse stables.”

“As opposed to the chicken stables,” Leila judges under her breath, which makes me snicker as a result.

“I still can’t believe you’re dating a literal cowboy,” I interject, “Like, I know we’re in Oklahoma, and he’s from Tennessee, but we saw Texas on the way out here and that’s cowboy country. Norman seems more...” I trail off in search of delicate phrasing.

“Just barely marry your cousin territory, but still downing chewing tobacco whilst driving a lifted truck?” Leila hits the nail squarely on the head.

“Yeah, that sounds about right-” Before I can continue giving my thoughts on Norman, I cut myself off at the sound of laughter behind me.

“Sorry. We weren’t trying to eavesdrop, that was just really funny.” When I turn around, I see a guy roughly our age dressed in all black with bleach-blonde hair, speaking through light, broken laughter.

“No worries,” I dismiss the apology as we pass by one another, and out from the dressers section. The three of us continue into the different sections, and come to a stop once I see we’re exactly where we need to be: dining room shit!

“Cowboy boyfriends aside- oh my gosh: cowboy boyfriends. Cowboyfriends,” I say getting lost in my new terminology. Both of my friends share a mix of laughter and gasps and my ingeniousness. “Anyway. Cowboyfriends aside, how is Avery?” I ask Leila who begins blushing madly.

“She’s really good. We were just making plans for our three year anniversary, which reminds me to tell y’all I’m flying back to Phoenix to surprise her.”

“Awwww,” I nearly tear up and the sweet image of Leila and her girlfriend reuniting, “Y’all are so cute. Both of you and your partners. You know, being the only single friend in this group has made life suck a lot. Y’all are so happy and in love and not dead inside. Honestly? Get fucked both of you.” Despite my harsh words, the three of us break into a lighthearted conglomerate of laughter.

“We’ll find you someone… eventually.” Leila pretends she also can’t hear the last part of her sentence despite being the one saying it.

“I know, but I don’t think it’s in the cards for me to find love in Norman. I don’t need a cowboyfriend, and we’re not gonna find a true city slicker here either.”

When I finish my statement, I see our blonde friend seems to have followed us. I observe he comes to a stop in front of another guy in a flannel with a shopping cart. The way they jump into conversation with one another parallels the animated body language Leila, Chelsey, and I share. I continue to watch their exchange as Chelsea speaks up.

“Maybe you need someone right down the middle.”

“Yeah, like a guy who drives a truck but uses it to transport Ikea furniture instead of a whole ass tree that he’ll carve into a chair.” A small laugh escapes my lips, at both Leila’s statement, and the scene ahead of Blondie pretending to strangle his friend over something. I’m snapped out of my nosy yet endeared stare as a third guy appears. He’s a sandy blonde with billowing locks tucked under a trucker hat. And he came from behind me and my two friends to place something in their cart which keeps his back toward me. When he turns back around, my mind goes blank. Any thoughts of shopping for dining room chairs has left my mind. He is wearing a face mask, but he has such nice eyes that he could have a giraffe snout under the mask for all I care. I see him look up from the shelves, directly into my eyes. We stay locked for a moment before he breaks away and turns to his friends. I slowly turn to my friends too who are both giving me the exact same look of excitement and conspiracy.

“He’s really cute,” I sigh out with a laugh, swooning much louder than I’d have preferred.

“He has a face mask on,” Leila points out, her expression dropping from excited to cynical.

“Still! I can just tell.”

“Girl, what are you doing? Talk to him!” Chelsea whisper-shrieks.

“Shhh, I cannot take you anywhere!”

Glancing back at the handsome stranger, we connect eyes once more and I feel my face heat furiously as I realize he was already looking at me. I’m the first to break; I consult my friends for the best course of action and as I’m turned 180 to face them, Chelsea starts pretending to hyperventilate excitedly. Leila looks over my shoulder for me, discreetly surveying the other trio in the dining chairs aisle.

“Don’t look now, but he’s talking to his friends and looking between them and you.” I can hear in her voice she’s trying her best not to smile despite wearing a face mask.

“Should I give him my number?”

“Yes!”

“What are you waiting for?”

“I’m nervous! What if he’s gay?”

“Will you just get over there? I promise you a gay man would not be wearing what he’s wearing right now. Maybe a lesbian,” Leila adds for good measure.

“You guys are freaking me out, I need you to leave so I know you’re not judging my flirting.” I shoo my best friends out of the aisle as inconspicuous as possible. Kinda wish blondie would’ve done the same because when I turn back around, the other trio hasn’t moved and the only one looking at me is the one in all black. He quickly averts his eyes though and I take one last deep breath before walking over to the stranger. I tilt my chin up ever so slightly to fake a sense of confidence that I unmistakably don’t have right now.

“Hey.” Really, Y/n? Hey??

“Hey,” he greets back breathily. Why is he nervous? I’m the one who gets to be nervous! Man, he’s really cute. I can’t fuck this one up. I’m not doing so stellar right now. Perhaps you should say something else, dipshit?

“Uhm,” I should’ve scripted this. “I just wanted to say that-” You’ve got this. Don’t be a bummer. “I-uh, I think you’re really cute and I was wondering if I could give you my number?” My speech is slow, each word deliberate in spite of the fact that I feel like I’m having an out of body experience right now. I’m not the one in control of the words that are coming out of my mouth.

Upon realizing why I walked over, blondie’s friends take the question as a sign to leave and less than inconspicuously back away from the two of us. Trucker hat spares them one last glance over his left shoulder and judging by the look flannel gives him, they were definitely talking about me in their team huddle.

“Uh, yeah. I was gonna ask for your instagram- if you have one, that is.”

“I’m cool with both.” The two of us reach for our phones and unlock them with anxious hands. I move to hand him my phone with instagram open, and he trades me for his which has a new contact open. I type my name and put my favorite heart emoji next to it after triple checking the number is correct. Wow, you’re just so ballsy today, Y/n!!!!! I give him back the phone, scanning the instagram account he’s just opened and followed for me. I hear him exhale a little harder as a small laugh and can only imagine it’s from the stupid heart emoji.

“Owen,” I say in a hushed, endeared voice, fully not intending to say it out loud. “You have a million followers?! Oh, you’re an actor. OH… You’re an actor.” I really don’t need to be speaking my entire thought process right now in the middle of this Ikea. Exhaling a small laugh of my own, I see we already have a small bunch of mutuals, one of which is… Chelsea??? Looking up from my phone I turn around to see Chelsea and Leila watching the interaction from around the corner of one of the industrial shelves.

In the flurry of scattered likes, I see him find my account and follow me back. I accept the request, nervous of what he thinks of me without a face mask on. What do I think of him without a face mask on? Going back to his account, seeing his entire face is even better than just his eyes. I was right, Leila: he is cute.

“You’re really pretty,” I hear him almost sigh as he combs through the grid of my account. The comment makes my heart beat all the much faster and I finally look upward to get a glimpse of Owen in the flesh. Still as beautiful as the last time I checked!

Sparing a quick glance over my shoulder, he looks back down at me and laughs,

“I think your friends got tired of waiting.”

“I think yours did, too.” The other members of our trios come back into the aisle we had kicked them from more or less two minutes ago. We connect eyes once more and stare longingly, wordlessly at one another, so lost in each other’s beauty our friends have to break up the staring contest of infatuation.

“Y/n?” I hear Leila behind me.

“Uh, well, I have to get back to chair shopping, but- text me later?”

“For sure.”

“For sure,” I mimic his voice.

“Guess I’ll see you later. Y/n.”

“Yeah.” And with that, we’re pulled apart by our respective best friends, through the vast expanse of the Norman Ikea.

“What was that?” Chelsea asks, excitedly linking arms with me.

“I don’t know I- Wait, you have some explaining to do!”

*** 

Taglist: @caitsymichelle13 @kaitlyn2907 @itz-jas @crybabyddl @kcd15 @kinda-really-lost @calamitykaty @morganayennefertyrell @n0wornever @dream-a-little-bigger-x @mrstodorooki @vicesvsvirturesfanfic @curlybrownhairedboys @amazinggracy @kaitieskidmore1 @asdfghjkl-fanfics​ @ghostlygreenbean @juliefromaustralia @merceret​ @jemimah-b99 @ifilwtmfc @thesweetestsinner​ @imsydneywalker @lovesanimals @thebloodthirstyvampress @bumbleberry-pie @losers-club6 @tefilovesreading​ @dmcfarland1@joynerxmercer @kexrtiz @talk-on-the-street @phantompogues @konciousdreamer @sunsetcurvej @warmnesss0ul @lilyjoyner 

[shinsorokiri]

S/o Loses Memory and Quirk

Kaminari Denki HCs

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Language, violence, mentions broken bones, a panic attack, panic attack symptoms, sad Denki

A/N: Ngl writing angst for Denki did something to my little heart. He only deserves happiness and I’m mad at myself for giving him sadness lol. Anyways, I hope you enjoy! I’ll be writing one like this for All Might next so keep your eyes peeled for that one!

Shinsou, Aizawa, Hawks, and Dabi

Todoroki, Bakugou, and Kirishima

Kaminari Denki | Chargebolt

You are his partner in crime

You’re the one who is always there to take care of him when he goes dumb

You’re the one who is always there to comfort him when he feels like an idiot

You’re always the one who is there for him

And he’s always the one who is there for you

It’s been that way for years

Ever since you transferred to UA your second year of high school

The two of you became fast friends

Best friends even

And his flirty nature made it so it wasn’t too long before the two of you entered a real relationship

The two of you EXUDE the most chaotic good energy that even Bakugou finds it kind of endearing

But unbeknownst to his friends

Denki can get really fucking serious when it comes to you

It lowkey shocked you the first time you saw him act like that

And it was all because you were sparring with him and you tripped over your own damn foot and face planted 

You figured he’d just point and laugh at you but he ran over and checked you EVERYWHERE to make sure you weren’t hurt

mans even SCOLDED you

YOU WERE SCOLDED BY DENKI KAMINARI

But you lowkey LOVED it because like

Wow

He does like me !!!

Of course that was in your final year at UA

The two of you are now pro-heroes at separate agencies

And boy oh boy does Denki worry about you

He can’t help it

He has seen you run into a wall because you were trying to rely on scent instead of sight “in case you get stuck in a dark room with a villain”

He worries

But he also knows you are strong

And also a hot badass who can take on anyone

Well

Almost anyone

Midoriya could probably kick your ass but that’s just because it’s Midoriya

But in all seriousness

He isn’t even patrolling today

He has the day off actually

And Denki has never baked anything before in his life

But

He knows that there’s been this mysterious villain giving your agency some trouble recently

So he wants to make you some of your favorite cookies

Or at least try to

And then have a lil movie night

He’s a clingy little shit

And he wants to destress you so

He will refuse to let go of you for the rest of the night goddamnit!

So there he is

Taking the semi-burnt but still edible cookies out of the oven

His favorite program on in the background

When suddenly

His show gets interrupted

And the hero scanner the two of you have goes off in your living room

He immediately turns his attention to the television

Stopping in the middle of the kitchen 

Still holding the cookies

When he sees live footage of you falling from a 3 story building

Onto concrete

He drops the pan

And literally sprints out of the door

He doesn’t even have shoes on

But he doesn’t give a single Fuck™

He rushes down the stairs of the apartment building the two of you live in

And gets to his car in record time

Mans be speeding to the hospital he knows you’re gonna be at

You two had a plan in place with each other and your agencies that if anything would happen to either of you

You would both go to this specific hospital so you two could know where the other was at all times

Of course he was crying while speeding

And his heart rate was way too fast for him to be functioning

But he had to get to you

He had to

And he did

He pulled into a parking spot reserved for pro-heroes and ran inside the emergency room

When he asked about you the nurse told him you were currently in surgery for some severe bone breaks

He got a nasty taste in his mouth

But he just nodded

She told him he could wait in the waiting room

And he did

He sat down in a chair

And he was trying so hard to keep it together

So 

SO

Hard

But eventually Kirishima, Mina, Sero, and even Bakugou showed up

To be fair

Mina and you did work at the same agency

So she saw everything that happened

They immediately went over to him

And he looked up at Mina

And deadass this is the first time any of them see how genuinely serious Denki can get

He asks Mina what happened

And she hesitates

But his face is dead serious

There are obviously tears leaking out of his eyes

But his stare is wildly intense

And Mina knows that if she says no he’ll just keep asking or ask someone else at the agency

So she tells him

“Well… we were patrolling, like usual, when that villain that’s been keeping us on our toes showed up. They’ve never… done anything other than rob people and knock them out so we thought hey this should be easy. Especially since (Y/n) was there. When they saw us they ran into a building and we chased after them and when we had them cornered on the roof they did this weird… sneak attack? But not really? I don’t know it was… odd, they had this like patterned fight technique and they hit (Y/n) in a few different places, and she went to use her quirk to fight back but… nothing happened… and then they hit her like at the bottom of her skull and she just… fell down unconscious. And then they… threw her… off…”

She started trailing off at the end because a sob tore through Denki’s throat

And then he started hyperventilating

Luckily Bakugou and Kirishima were there to help him out

They get panic attacks frequently, so they managed to calm him down and get him to breathe again

And they stayed with him for as long as they had to

Eventually after hours 

A doctor came out and approached Denki

“Pro Hero Chargebolt?”

He stands up very fast

He’s informed that you are out of surgery

And that the surgery went well

However they noticed something odd in your MRI results

It seemed that a portion of your brain was damaged?

But not quite 

It was still functioning

But something about it was off

And they had never seen anything like it before

It was like certain parts of your brain were blocked but everything else was fine

Upon hearing this Denki’s heart broke

And then after hearing the part of your brain that was impacted was the part that contained long term memories

His heart shattered

“We’re afraid she may have severe amnesia. We’re going to keep running tests to see just what is going on, we think it’s the quirk of that villain. A lot of the victims of their crimes have blockages in their muscle groups, but we’ve never seen a blockage in the brain from them.”

Denki is quiet

He literally doesn’t say anything

Until he whispers

“Can i see her?”

The doctor nods

And he leads him to your room

You’re still asleep 

And you’re covered in bandages and casts

It breaks his heart

His friends texted him to tell him they went home but if he needs them at any minute that they will be on their way to the hospital in ten seconds flat

He appreciates it

But right now he really just wanted to be alone with you

He just sat next to you

Holding your hand

He was even moving your pointer finger to trace the Lichtenberg Figures trailing up and down his arms

You always do it when the two of you are cuddling at night 

It helps him sleep

And reminds him that you love him regardless of his faults

And right now he just

He really needs you

This goes on for an hour before he feels you start to move

And he freezes

“(Y/n?”

You open your eyes

And squint at him

“Uh… h-hi… aren’t you that guy in my new class…?”

He stares at you

Completely deadpan

Before laughing a bit

But it isn’t a happy laugh

It’s very much a sad laugh

“Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

“Cool, but um… how did you know my name already?… Are you crying?”

Yes

He was

He was laughing and crying at the same time

He probably looked like he was losing his mind

But he really did just lose his whole world so

It’s a prompted reaction

“Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

His voice was more strained this time

“Are you… are you okay?”

“Yeah, but you’re not. And I didn’t save you, and now you don’t know who I am, and I’m just… I’m so sorry, babe. I’m so sorry.”

The laughing stopped

Now he’s just sobbing

In your mind

You’d seen him a few times while touring the school

And he was always laughing and smiling

Always

So this was shocking

And you’d be lying if you said it didn’t tug on your heart strings

You instinctively reach out to grab his hand

And he grips onto it so tight

Almost like he’s afraid of letting go

“…You called me babe?”

He tries to even his breathing

But he nods

“I don’t… I don’t even know you, I-”

“You do. You do, but… you don’t. It’s… it’s complicated and I’m a literal dumbass so… I’ll call a doctor. They’ll explain.”

And that he does

And the doctor does in fact explain

And after the doctor leaves

You ask him to tell you about your relationship

And he does

He tells you even the smallest details

From the time that you painted the nail on his right hand middle finger pink because he lost a bet and he ended up liking it and buying nail polish for himself

To the time that you two told everyone you break danced all night to break in your new apartment when in reality he turned on Lover by Taylor Swift and the two of you slow danced in your living room

All of it

And he even managed to slip in the fact that you’d remember all of this after he caught the villain who did this to you

And he will catch them.

[kalee60]

I wish you would write a fic where stucky are mad at each other for some reason but get forced into the same tiny escape pod and spend a very interesting hour pressed so tight together on their way back to the surface...

Not going to lie Bec - when I first saw this prompt, my mind immediately went one way, and one way only - and I'm pretty sure you just played me like a fiddle with this idea of yours and knew exactly what I'd write.

So please take this humble offering, you are literally my greatest support and I would not be here without you gorgeous ❤️ my adoration for you is endless for our unique and special bond x

The fic is just over 4k and also on ao3 here (with all tags necessary) if you prefer to read there instead, it'll be part of my stucky bingo fills - Truth or Dare and rated M for mild sexual content 😉

If you'd like a fic - here's the post - I wish you'd write a fic... (It might take me a little bit to write - but I will get there!)

"Are you freaking kidding me right now Rogers?" Bucky shouted as he tried to wrest control of the tiny submarine, or whatever the fucking contraption Stark had purpose built for underwater expeditions, from his meathead best friend who never had a plan. "What the hell was that?"

Steve glared over at Bucky, who scowled back. "I had it under control."

"Under control, my ass. You ran us into a goddamn rock, a rock so sharp we now have a leak - and guess what? We just happen to be about three miles under the sea!"

"I - " Steve started to say then stopped abruptly to slam at the controls before him in the dim lighting, trying to unwedge the small vessel off the rock.

"Don't! Fuck Steve, leave it, don't get us off the rock - we'll tear apart if you do." The sharp edge of panic amidst his anger was clear.

"I know what I'm doing, Buck." Steve ground out.

The panic immediately disappeared leaving only ire behind, "I highly doubt that by looking at the trouble you got us into. I thought partnering up with Sam was a pain in the ass for those few months, but I'd somehow forgotten what you were like."

Bucky heard Steve grinding his teeth, and satisfaction filled him that Steve was at least angry at their hopeless situation, one he was solely to blame for.

They’d been tasked to go to the Raft - one of the inmates had managed to escape - Namor, and although Bucky thought it was way out of their scope of skills to be chasing a literal being that came from the ocean, who had super strength and a huge advantage by, well, being able to breathe underwater, the Avengers assembled and it was left to Cap, no, Nomad and Bucky to sort it out.

At first, the mission was fine and on track, they were given the craft from Stark, Steve assuring both Bucky and the cocky self-appointed head Avenger, that he'd used it many times over on missions, and away they went. Bucky had realised after an hour at sea as they dove deeper and deeper, Bucky wide-eyed at all the sealife and fish that swam into the lights from the craft, that Steve looked a little peaky, a little sweaty. Apparently, after some hard prodding, Steve admitted he'd only taken it out for a few runs in the East River and had never been in the ocean with it.

Bucky was fuming.

He became even angrier when they found Namor, and Steve without any hesitation hit a button that harpooned a weapon from the undercarriage, missing the man completely and hitching it on a nearby rock, careening them towards it. Bucky was certain he saw a smirk and a laugh from their quarry as he swam off - uncaptured. Free.

It was, in fact - quite humiliating for two usually competent supersoldiers.

So now they were fixed tightly onto a jutting rock bed, water leaking slowly into the vessel and Steve was acting like a massive stubborn child about their situation. Especially when they realised they couldn’t call for assistance - they were too deep for a signal.

As a starfish floated by and suckered itself to the window, making a home there, Bucky was starting to wonder if they'd get out of the situation in one piece. They may have the serum running through their veins, but he was certain drowning was still on the scope of things that could kill them. He glanced at Steve who was still pressing buttons - that and along with an irate best friend who had a penchant for knives.

The urge to strangle Steve and his handsomely stubborn face rose with each and every breath, and he couldn't fathom why he was in love with such an imbecile. Bucky, glad that Steve wasn’t aware of where his feelings lay, not wanting to openly tell such an idiot he loved him; though Bucky hadn’t really had an opportunity to approach Steve about it, unsure if he ever would find the courage to bring it up.

Plus right then... right in that moment as they floated and bobbed in the undercurrent while beady eyed fish approached them curiously, Bucky was livid and was certain that even if Steve turned to him to profess his undying love - Bucky would punch him in the face.

“What do you propose we do then smarty pants?”

Bucky’s mouth formed a tight line at the old taunt.

“I suggest we get into the escape pod and head for the surface.”

“What? And give up?”

“Give up Steve? Of course we give up. What the fuck do you think we can do?” Bucky exclaimed, as Steve grumbled into the small space. “For a brilliant strategist you sure are an absolute ninny sometimes.”

“A ninny?” Steve burst out in horrified disbelief.

Bucky felt his lip twitch and almost laughed at Steve’s expression and the absurdity of their situation that by calling Steve a ninny, is what pissed him off the most.

“The only way we can do anything of any use now, is if Namor comes back and surrenders. And I don’t think he’s about to do that, considering he sped off laughing when you marooned us on this damn rock. One I might add that has more strength and the ability to stay calm and think more rationally than you.”

“Are you seriously comparing me to a rock?”

“If the Cap fits.”

“Really?” Steve deadpanned at Bucky’s admittedly terrible attempt at humour.

And before Bucky could say anything further, potentially offer a simple truce, a large shadow loomed above them and Bucky was instantly caught in the beauty and grace of the huge marine animal swimming overhead, close enough Bucky could reach out and touch if there wasn’t glass between them. It looked to be a shark of some type and Bucky was captivated by the smooth skin, the sheer mass and the tail that flicked; until that same large tail hit the vessel on one of it’s sweeps, dislodging it from the rock.

With a triumphant yell, Steve pushed on the accelerator as Bucky yelled at him to stop, and suddenly the whole craft shook and groaned, creaking as the very structure started to unhinge.

“Jesus fuck, Steve. Get in the escape pod now!”

Steve for the first time since they entered the vessel listened to Bucky, and they both jumped up and scrambled for the pods that were situated behind their seats, opening the escape hatches - only to find one empty, and the other thankfully still in place.

“Shit, Tony.” Bucky swore. “Don’t you know about the Titanic? Always have enough damn life rafts. Fuck.”

“We can fit.” Steve said matter of fact and opened the hatch door, just as the thick glass from the front of the craft splintered, water spurting through and a loud cracking filled the space. Bucky’s heart thumped hard and fast at the danger they were in, his Soldier training all but useless in the face of this new terror.

Bucky pushed Steve, who yelped at being manhandled into the small space, and Bucky jumped right in, landing on top of Steve, their faces only inches apart - and that face did not look happy.

They had just enough room for Steve to hit the big red button that closed the pod, and an automated voice immediately filled the area.

“Releasing in three, two - one.” 

The voice went silent as the capsule whooshed out of the craft, and Bucky was on the correct side to see through the glass over Steve’s shoulder, the lights of the vessel flickering as it tore apart from the pressure of the water. Bucky let out a shaky breath that they’d escaped in time.

“Calculating your trajectory and location,” the voice began, then went silent for a few seconds, “you will breach the surface in just under two hours.”

“Two hours.” Bucky griped and wiggled, Steve hissing for him to ‘quit it’. The voice continued on in its modulated voice.

“Due to your depth, the emergency pod has been slowed to ensure you rise at the correct rate so you do not suffer any complications.”

“Complications,” Bucky said under his breath, knowing with the serum it was unlikely they’d get sick. “I’ve got a big bearded one right in front of me. I think that’s complicated enough - just get us to the surface quickly.”

The voice droned on about protocols and safety features for a few minutes and mentioned when it came into range it would send a distress call to FRIDAY for assistance. Finally some good news, because all Bucky could think about was the fact the enormous shark was not in sight. He hoped it was long gone.

“Can you move your damn leg?" Steve hissed, shaking Bucky from his contemplation of why he insisted on watching Jaws a few weeks earlier.

But it was the tone Steve used that irked Bucky further, and ever helpful, he moved his leg back and forth like a petulant kid. “That enough movement for you?”

“Buck, your damn knife is digging into my thigh. Actually why in the hell are you wearing it on an underwater mission in the first place?”

“Why did you bring your shield?” Bucky countered, not wanting to tell Steve about the other seven knives in his pants.

“That’s not really comparable.”

“It is.” Bucky replied sullenly, knowing it wasn’t at all. 

Steve sighed heavily, and they spent a good fifteen minutes without conversing, not even daring to look at the other in the soft green-tinged light from the control panel where Bucky could read their glacially paced progress as they headed for the surface. They were still so far down.

“Truth or dare? Steve suddenly asked, breaking the awkward silence.

“Are you for real? Now?” Bucky asked incredulously. “Look, I know that game worked when we were kids - but read the damn room, well, pod.”

Steve didn’t respond as the charged air between them rose in silent intensity.

“Truth.” Bucky finally bit out after a long minute.

“Why did you bring knives on an underwater mission?”

“Jesus Christ, you don’t let up, do you? Why am I even surprised, it’s Steven Grant Rogers asking. Because Steve, I take them everywhere. You know this. I might have had to stab some seaweed for being rude to your delicate sensibilities or something. And don't you dare try and say they haven’t gotten us out of tough spots before.”

Steve harrumphed, “I’m hardly delicate.”

“Sure thing.”

They fell silent again, until Bucky gave in and sighed heavily. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“Why did you lie and say you knew how to drive the boat?”

“Bucky, you don’t drive a boat.”

“Yeah, well you proved that without a doubt.”

Steve tensed up, Bucky experiencing Steve’s muscles bunching together against his body from being so close, he swallowed heavily. 

“I thought I had it handled. How difficult could it be?”

“Steve…” Bucky started, stopped then sighed, “Steve, you need to actually be truthful with me, to the Avengers, especially if you need help. You don’t have to prove that you have it together all the time, every time. That’s what I’m for.”

“So you’re saying you could have piloted the boat?”

“Is piloted correct? But in answer - no, I couldn’t have. So we would have found a better way.” 

“Buck, he’s an underwater being, what else were we going to do but try and follow him down here?”

Bucky remained quiet thinking over the options. When the call went out, only Steve and he were available for the mission, so in a way Steve was correct, but he wasn’t going to admit that.

Steve moved suddenly in an unintentional grind, and a spark flew down Bucky’s spine, shit, they were close, really close, and through his initial fear and anger, Bucky hadn’t really thought about the situation he’d inadvertently put himself in. Pressed up against Steve’s body in a way he’d never been before.

Oh shit…

“Truth or dare,” Steve asked, breaking Bucky’s thoughts on the bulge he could feel just slightly higher than his own.

“Truth,” Bucky gritted out, looking over Steve’s shoulder at the murky water surrounding them. “It’s not like we can do any dares down here.”

Steve paused for a moment, looking directly at Bucky, and Bucky finally gave in and glanced his way, holding Steve’s gaze, and knew immediately that he shouldn't have. Steve’s eyes had taken on a greenish-blue tinge, making them pop and they softened at the edges once Bucky was in their snare. Bucky let out a long exhale. He hated when they fought - but he was still annoyed that Steve hadn't listened or been truthful.

“Are you dating anyone?”

Bucky jerked in surprise, wincing straight away, as rubbing up against Steve wasn’t going to help him remain impassive. “What kind of question is that?”

“A simple one I would have thought,” Steve replied curtly, and Bucky saw the slight tick in Steve’s cheek, and he caught his breath. For some reason Steve was invested in his answer, but why? Could it mean..?

“We live together Steve. You know I’m not.”

“Not even Darcy,” Steve countered.

Unable to stop it from bubbling up, Bucky started to laugh loud and heartily before realising that the motion was doing nothing to stop the friction between them, and Bucky started to worry that the knives on his person weren't the only hard thing Steve could feel pressed up against him.

When he’d composed himself, he saw that Steve had tilted his chin up proudly, and Bucky knew he’d hurt his feelings.

“Uh, that’s a negative. Darcy and I are not dating, she’s like Becca. You know - a little sister, an annoying one too, and yeah I love her, but not in the way you think. To be honest I’d like to date…”

Bucky trailed off, realising he was about to give too much away.

“You’d like to date?” Steve coaxed, eyes riveted on Bucky as he looked slightly down at him, and Bucky wasn't sure he'd ever really get used to the change in Steve's physique. Having to look up to his once small friend, shoulders wide enough he was a literal tank.

“Tall, blonde people,” he admitted, face immediately heating; not meaning to let that particular parcel of words out.

“Oh.” Steve replied, face slack and wondering as he stared at him, the gravity in his eyes not letting Bucky look elsewhere. So Bucky shut his eyes to escape, berating himself for being an obvious fool.

“Dare,” Steve husked.

Bucky snapped his eyes open to find Steve unblinking, attention directly on him, and there was something lurking behind his gaze, something dark and delicious, Bucky uncertain if what he saw was real or not. So he thought about his response carefully before answering.

“Okay, Stevie,” and Steve inhaled sharply through his nose at the nickname, Bucky pleased at the response. “I bet you can’t get your hands to the control panel to turn on the exterior floodlight so we can see the fishes.”

Steve narrowed his eyes. “You want to see the fishes?”

Bucky nodded slowly, having a gut feel Steve already saw through his game, considering where Steve’s hands were positioned in the first place. Between their bodies.

Steve wriggled his fingers, and a live wire burned through the very structure of Bucky’s cells, remaking them into something different, something primal as Steve continued to move and pushed his hand between them towards the panel, inadvertently pressing hard up against the front of Bucky’s pants, right over his dick in the process. A dick that was suddenly much more interested in their predicament. 

Bucky might have made an error in judgement as he slipped out a strangled gasp.

Steve’s face lit up in a grin at Bucky’s unintentional response, deliberately mimicking the same movement again.

Bucky’s eyes fluttered shut, enjoying the touch through his tac pants, wishing for no obstructions between them, and before he could lose himself completely in the sensations, Steve's hand pulled free to touch the control panel, light suddenly flooding outwards. Tufts of seaweed and darting fish fled past the glass as they continued to slowly climb for the surface. 

And before he knew what he was saying, Bucky was pressing his hips the scant inch forward into Steve's body and whispered, "I dare you to do that again."

The ragged and shaky exhale from Steve was gratifying in its sheer emotion, and the 'Buck' that tore from his throat made Bucky look up. The moment his eyes met Steve's he was gone.

"Can I?" Steve asked, and Bucky could do no more than nod as Steve's lips came crashing down on his.

It was the kiss Bucky had been waiting a lifetime for, and he couldn't believe as Steve's tongue slipped in between his lips, a low deep growl erupting unbidden in his throat, that the catalyst was a failed mission where they were stuck together angry in a cylindrical tube in the middle of the ocean.

Steve's hand forced itself back between their bodies, and Bucky moaned as Steve made the best of the small space, rubbing over and over until Bucky grew thick and hard in his pants, all while Steve kissed the very breath from his body. Bucky was stunned that Steve was an exceptional kisser, partly impressed and partly jealous at the realisation that he'd had experience, more than Bucky first thought.

"Jesus Buck, you taste so good."

"Yeah?" Bucky husked back, leaning up as far as he was able, capturing Steve's lips again. What started as chaste, soon became hungry and insistent and Bucky tried to move his hands, but there was no room for two sets between them, Steve’s all that could fit; so Bucky let Steve take control, do what he wanted. And somehow, without even speaking about it, Steve gave Bucky exactly what he needed, what he craved. And if Steve wanted, Bucky would spend his lifetime taking care of Steve in return.

"Your fucking knife," Steve husked into his cheek as he pulled away, lips wet and thoroughly kissed. It was a spaced out look Bucky wanted to see more often.

"That's not a knife," Bucky sassed back.

"Well unless you're extraordinary and have two dicks, then yes, I think the one pressing just above my knee is a knife."

Bucky tried to adjust his stance to lessen the pressure from the weapon, and at Steve's wince, he knew he'd not managed to do it.

"Well to be fair, I wasn't expecting to end up in this predicament."

"Predicament?" Steve asked as his fingers pressed against Bucky's groin again, pushing and sliding to create extra friction.

"Oh shit," Bucky breathed, hating and loving the knowing smirk on Steve's face. "Maybe I've been wanting this for over a hundred years and you know, since nothing has ever happened before, how was I to know that being trapped in an escape pod, while seething in anger would do it for you?"

Steve looked blankly at Bucky, mouth open, shock clearly written over his face. "Over a hundred years?"

Bucky realised he had no filter when Steve had a hand on his dick, and flushed at the long kept secret, now a confession, but kept going, confirming it. He was all in by that stage.

"Give or take a year."

"Buck, why the hell didn't you say anything? I've been waiting since…"

Steve trailed off and Bucky couldn't help it.

"Since..?"

"I was sixteen."

"Fuck," Bucky surged forward, kissing the breath from Steve, and Steve's hand movements became more insistant. Suddenly Bucky felt the zip of his pants loosen and he couldn’t stop the wanton moan from escaping and he wriggled his hips in anticipation. Between one breath and the next Steve had somehow, miraculously snaked his hand into Bucky's pants, and now, now, there was only a layer of thin underwear between them.

Why the hell hadn't he gone commando?

"God, Buck, you feel amazing - knew you would.” Steve said as he looked into Bucky’s eyes while stroking him, and the sheer power behind his gaze pushed all of Bucky’s buttons. “Want to get my mouth on you."

Bucky gasped, vibrating at the imagery and Steve chuckled, nipping at Bucky's lips, kissing him again and again and it hit Bucky that Steve was able to feel every single quiver and sharp intake of breath he made. He was no longer able to hide his reactions, even if his face gave nothing away - Steve was so close that all of Bucky's tells were like a neon sign emblazoned above his head. Steve had him at his mercy.

And Bucky loved it.

"I want that," Bucky whispered back, "want your mouth everywhere. Want my mouth all over you too pal, I can't wait to get you naked."

"You're too much," Steve ground out and suddenly Bucky was being kissed deeply, thoroughly and he lost all concept of time and space. Steve's fingers gripped his dick, squeezing and making short jerky motions, it wasn't the greatest angle, and Steve didn't have full motion - but it was perfect. Bucky was so turned on, his dick weeping into his underwear, and he knew that if Steve kept going, kept kissing him, touching him, he was going to come in his pants like he'd done too many times when they’d slept next to each other before the war.

"Oh fuck Steve, keep doing that."

"You like that?" Steve husked, complying when Bucky nodded his head limply, rubbing in tight circles, fingers tangling in Bucky's underwear as he tried his best to get Bucky off. And Bucky, well he wasn't easy, it usually took him a while to get in the right headspace to feel comfortable enough to let go, to let himself be free in the moment, but with Steve he knew he could be. He trusted Steve, wanted him by his side always, and he knew he'd catch Bucky, protect him as he fell. Steve would never let go again.

"Gonna make you come on my dick," Steve rasped into Bucky's mouth, making Bucky forget everything sweet and hopeful in their future to concentrate on how filthy Steve’s lust driven words were, "going to fill you up, and I'm never letting you out of my bed again Buck. You're mine - you hear that?"

"I… yes… yours," Bucky said as his knees buckled, and Steve had him, gripped him tight, pinching his dick in a way that made Bucky white out and he came apart. Bucky spurted into his pants, underwear soaking up his release and he jerked and whimpered as Steve held him through it, mouth hovering over his, whispering words of want and desire. 

"You're gorgeous Buck, the prettiest fella I ever saw."

"Jesus Steve," Bucky breathed as he came down from his orgasm, legs still twitching. "You're going all Brooklyn and sappy on me."

Steve kissed the corner of Bucky's mouth delicately, as if he hadn't just got him off in the tightests of spots, and removed his hand from Bucky's pants. "Always felt sappy with you Punk."

Bucky grinned back, sated, happy and languid - until he felt it.

"Have you got a fucking bludgeon in your pocket?" he exclaimed when Steve shifted, and awed, Bucky realised exactly what Steve was packing in his plain navy shorts that were often tangled with his black briefs in the dryer at home. Steve's cheeks tinged pink and Bucky was gone, so gone on this man who was sweet and commanding all at once.

"Oh shit Steve, am I going to have fun with you."

"Yeah?" Steve grinned back, suddenly a little shy, a little hopeful and Bucky smiled.

"For the rest of our lives if you want."

Steve sucked in a breath, "I'd like that."

"The surface is less than twenty metres away, a rescue shuttle has been dispatched and will meet you on the surface."

The automated voice fell away, and Bucky and Steve looked over each other's shoulders at the lightened water, having completely ignored the sea of fish and marine animals around them. It was stunning, there was so much life just under the surface.

And before he knew it, they were blinded by sunlight as the pod popped up on the surface, Bucky finding Steve on top of him, all of his weight pressing him down as the cylinder floated in the ocean on its side. The sheer bulk of Steve was phenomenal, a portent of things to come.

"Far out, you're heavy." Bucky commented with a grin.

"Sorry, the serum… well you know."

"No, I like it." He said as Steve kissed him again, leaning down to take Bucky's mouth under his in a passionate but short taste. "But you're still an ass for getting us into that position in the first place."

"How did you know I didn't plan it this way?"

Bucky laughed just as the lid opened and he squinted into the bright light, the quinjet hovering over them, finding himself staring directly up into Clint's grinning face.

"Looking cozy there boys, need a hand?"

"I think we have that handled," Steve replied with a smirk, staring at Bucky, and Bucky could only gaze up into the brightest blue he'd ever seen, the eyes of his best friend, his soon to be lover and hopefully so much more.

It took some maneuvering to get Steve off him without toppling them into the ocean, but soon they were inside waiting as Bruce and Clint secured the pod to take back to Tony's lab.

Bucky made his way to the front of the jet as Steve called in their failure to Fury, and greeted Natasha who was in the pilots seat, stretching his arms up and over his head, popping his muscles from having been cramped up too long. 

She looked him dead in the eye in the unnerving way only Nat could, and remarked, "your fly's undone."

Red faced, Bucky looked over at Steve who'd heard Nat and was silently laughing, telling Fury that 'no, he didn't think losing Namor was amusing', before hanging up and motioning Bucky over.

"You really are a jerk." Bucky hissed as he pulled up his fly, finally realising how wet and uncomfortable he was. He needed a shower. Preferably with company.

"But I'm your jerk though."

"Gee, aren’t I the luckiest guy in Brooklyn," Bucky snarked back at Steve's playful wink, and for the entire trip home, neither of them could keep the grins off their faces.

A day later - Natasha brought Namor in.

[oneshotnewbie]

Second part of the Argument Oneshot with Kara and Baby Danvers? 😍😍😍

A/N: So.. I usually had something else planned (a third and an angsty open ending) but I know how much you love fluff and hate open angsty ending so I had to back off with my idea to give you what you wanted. Since this ending was not intended, I don't think it's great, but I hope you like it anyway :)

---

"Alex, can we talk for a minute?"

After the supposed attempt that Kara tried to talk to you, you had jumped on the treadmill to let things go through your head that you never thought would occupy your mind. Usually that was always the best way to let it all out and rethink something but today, it was different.

You still hadn't found a crucial point to stay on, so you hoped inside that Alex would agree with you and help you make a decision. So after your training you went straight back up to the center of the whole organization where you knew she would be.

"Of course, go ahead."

The oldest Danvers was standing at the console table with Kara and J'onn, completely absent from her surroundings, probably just preparing for the next mission. When you got upstairs, you jumped up the last three small steps to the computers and stopped beside her.

Kara, who was standing opposite, looked up after she recognized whose voice it was. A small, almost shy smile fell on her lips but you couldn't return it. Instead, you just looked at her coldly and turned your gaze back to the redhead. "Somewhere alone where we can talk in private?"

Immediately her attention was turned to you. With a smile, she looked you in the eyes and put the tablet aside. One hand on your lower back, she led you down from the pedestal and left Kara with Winn & J'onn.

"Is everything ok?" she asked you after the door of her laboratory closed behind you. Reluctantly, you made the last steps to the chairs that had been neatly placed at the table and pulled one out of his row to sit down. "Can you sit down?"

She raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms over her chest. She stayed behind you, almost hovering you for a while before she decided to take a seat next to you. "It seems serious, is it about Kara?"

Lowering your head and playing with your sweatshirts arms that you pulled over your thumbs, you first thought about how to start before you started to express your feelings to her. "I've been thinking about Kara and me, about this work.."

"Woah.." she interrupted you, her hand in front of her body to indicate that you shouldn't go on in your sentence. "Listen, I talked to Kara, she's sorry for what she said."

"Alex.." you smiled a little at that sentence. No matter how angry she was with on of you when you argued, the redhead still wanted to be a center between you and settle the dispute, bring you back together. "I don't care if she is sorry, she said it and there is no time reel to undo it."

She was visible tattered, on your stubborn head and your persistence she was always on the verge of despair.

"But she may have been right about what she said."

Squinting her eyes together with a questioning look, she leaned back and watched your proceeding and perked up her ears to listen to you. She didn't know exactly what you were getting at and what this conversation was all about.

"I really like this job, that the DEO saves the world from aliens, and also working with my siblings is good for me and my mental space. It also gives me a lot of time with you both. But maybe Kara was right and I am just not meant for this kind of work..." you spoke carefully, taking a deep breath as you watched your sisters reaction before continuing. "I will take a few days off, of course only with your approval for this 'compulsory leave' to come to my senses and find out whether this is the right way I want to go."

Shocked by the quick yet unexpected decision, she jumped up from her position so that she was sitting with her back straight, put her arms on the table with her hands clasped and bit her lip.

She knew that Kara's words would limit you in some way, since you have always been a person who had a fragile self-confidence, but she had not expected such a large form that you might want to get out of this business.

"Are you sure about that?"

"I don't know, but I will figure it out."

A brief pause with an almost uncomfortable silence enveloped the room. You didn't know exactly how to match her facial expressions, whether she was angry or she understood you. Nor did you know what she was thinking at the moment, whether she would try to stop you or stand by your side.

"I mean.. If that is what you need and want, I don't want to put any obstacles in your way," she continued, her voice turned down a little. "You should just know that we all think that you are doing a great job and that we need you here, I need you here. You are a great help and bring me joy whenever this work sucks."

You laughed out loud and put one hand on her, now flat on the glass surface laying hands. The redhead couldn't help but laugh too. You both got up after a while and you walked around the table to hug her.

"Thank you, Alex."

---

With a pizza, a few potstickers and a beer on the little dresser next to the couch, you sat there and watched the new episodes of your favorite show while you thought back over the argument.

"You are too soft for this kind of game."

Since then, this sentence has only been buzzing around in your head and has taken a large place in there. On the one hand, you asked yoursel why your sister simply didn't tell you that beforehand or even voted against it when you talked to them instead of immediately saying yes, beaming with joy when it was said that you wanted to work at the DEO. On the other hand, you were happy that it finally came out what she really felt about it.

A knock on the door of the apartment you and Alex shared tore you out of your thoughts. At first you didn't want to open up, you wanted to be alone and just get this decision behind you but you answered it anyway, not expecting to meet this person.

Kara.

Immediately she stormed into the apartment and you rolled your eyes. Alex must have told her everything. You kicked the door into the lock and walked after her until she stopped in the living room and turned around to face you. "You quit?!"

"No, not really. Just taken a few days off to think about things."

You walked past her and sat down again in your established place that you hadn't left for several hours. You didn't feel like fighting anymore, it hurt your soul to see how she suffered from the fact that you didn't talk to each other. It hurt you too, without her stupid jokes and her closeness, you didn't feel well. You needed your sister no matter how much she hurt you, even if unconsciously.

"Would you like to sit down with me? I still have a few potsickers left."

She turned around quickly and looked at you in disbelief. She thought that you were still mad at her and that you would like not to see her here. The fact that you asked her if she could join you and you even offered her your favorite meal told her that now was the time to settle the argument and brush it aside.

You, on the other hand, looked at her with sad eyes and knocked a few times on the free space next to you.

She sat down next to you and put a hand on your knee, just this warmth and touch almost made you cry, you missed her so much. "Kara.."

"Wait, let me begin," she interrupted you and took a sharp breath while filtering the thoughts in her head and forming them into complete, reasonable sentences. "I know I made a big mistake. I know that I should never had say this to you, but please, please know that I definitely didn't mean that. I was just so panicked because if I lost you, life would be inconceivable."

"I know Kara, and I can understand exactly, but it still hurt to hear something like that coming out of your mouth."

"Please, forgive me." she begged you. Sadly and with tears in her eyes, she looked at you desperately. You could see how serious she was and how done she was with this situation.

Hesitantly, you thought about it shortly before you threw yourself around her neck and held her tightly against you. She too held you tighter than ever and could no longer hold back her tears. With loud sobs, she buried her face in your neck and literally clung to you.

You stayed in this position for a while before she calmed down and you broke away from her. "Still, I will use this time out to find out if hunting aliens and arresting them is right for me."

She laughed and you wiped the last tears from her face. "It's okay, but please rethink it clearly. I would love to still work with you. You are a really good agent."

[soundofseventeen]

Miracle (Lee Jihoon)

Happy birthday @peachy-hoon​! A million thank yous will never suffice but I can always give you this! I’m sorry for any mistakes; I literally uploaded this as I finished. And you know, it’s not my best work, but alas.

Word count: 2645

Inspo

“And that’s a wrap!” Jihoon spoke into the mic to let Wonwoo know he was done for the day and without waiting for him to leave the recording studio, removed his headphones and stuffed his sweater and whatever he could fit into his backpack and ran out of Universe Factory, the door wide open and leaving his confused, but amused friend to tidy up the small room. In his rush he literally ran into Jeonghan, who ended up throwing all the papers in his hands, and Jihoon, although didn’t like running behind schedule, stayed to help pick up the mess he made.

“Where are you going in such a rush?” The older boy teased, checking the papers he had in his hand to make sure they were all in order and ready for presentation.

“Home.” Not bothering to check the pages, Jihoon handed them over and let Jeonghan sort them out.

“It’s still early, don’t you think? Soonyoung said he still has to go through the choreography and Seungcheol wanted everyone present for the meeting.” The impish smile had formed on Jeonghan’s face before he finished his sentence.

“Soonyoung said he’d record it for me and Seungcheol already told me everything I need to know.” Jihoon searched for his cellphone, groaning internally when he realized that he had left it in the practice room when he dropped the towels off for his clingy friend.

“Aren’t you gonna help me put these back in order?” Jeonghan asked when he saw him walking away.

“You have that handled well enough.”

“I’m missing the first page, and I had it before you knocked me over.” 

“Don't do this to me right now Jeonghan.” This time, the groan he let out was external. “I have plans that I can’t break.” Well, he could if he wanted to, but he wasn’t gonna.

“You’re not going anywhere until I find it.”

“It’s under your shoe. I’ll grab it for-move Jeonghan. I need all the time I can get.” Jihoon crouched to pick up the piece of paper.

“Why not just invite Y/N over so you stay a little longer and then you can leave together.” Jeonghan not so subtly moved his foot along with the paper so he wouldn’t take it so easily.

“I don’t think so.” He pushed his older friend, momentarily making him lose his balance and successfully retrieved the paper, squinting his eyes to read it and looking confused. “How is this our fault?”

“It’s not. The CEO is already talking to Jun about it and we’re supposed to see what measures we can take from happening again.”

“Then shouldn’t we talk to Yanan about it? I don’t know why they thought squawking every time their ringtones went off and unnecessarily texting each other throughout the day is our fault.” And both of them were messaging both groups, but he didn’t need to add that part. Instinctively, his hand went to his pockets, ready to make sure his phone stayed on silent, but he remembered he didn’t have it.

“If it gets the CEO off our backs, I don’t care what we have to do.” Jeonghan took out his own mobile device, shutting the noise off as a safety precaution. “I dreamt Yanan was part parrot twice already.” He shuddered at some memory.

“Okay, so I’ll see you tomorrow then. Bright and early and not a minute more. I have a song for you and Mingyu to go through.” He was ready to step past him when Jeonghan grabbed him by the collar and pulled him back slightly.

“Do you really have to go though? This hyung hasn’t eaten lunch and it’s your turn to buy.”

Woozi let out a deep sigh, took out his wallet, smiled briefly at the picture he had of you, and pulled out his debit card, along with the loose change he had. “You know my pin number and this is literally for anything else. ‘Bye.”

“Will Y/N be okay with you staying longer?” 

“Yes, but I won’t be.” He turned the other way to head over to the practice room, only instead of seeing Soonyoung, he found Chan in the middle of a choreo practice. “Sorry, I’m just here for my phone.”

Chan hit the pause button on the remote, and gratefully took the towel Jihoon provided. “Oh, uh, I haven’t seen it. Maybe Hoshi hyung took it when he left?”

“Okay, I’ll see you guys tomorrow then.” Although he wasn’t thrilled to be phoneless the rest of the day, he figured that no one important would try to get a hold of him and if he managed to convince you to turn it off, then it’d be foolproof. 

“Hyung, what are you today with Y/N that you’re not staying here with us?” Chan wadded up the towel and threw at him when Jihoon shook his head.

“Nothing, for real. I just wanna go home and take a nap on the couch.”

“I don’t believe you, but go ahead and leave us to suffer with our evil CEO and Joshua hyung.”

“I don’t know what you did but I’m glad you did it. Now Bumzu is in charge of getting the chorus done before you leave ton-stop looking at me like that. I’m not abandoning you.”

“You’re leaving us for Y/N.”

“I already had these plans.” And not even his best friends would hold him up. 

“Okay fine, don’t tell me what super fun, cool thing you’re gonna do while we just slave away here.”

Jihoon began walking away, backwards and slowly. However, he couldn’t hold back the smirk on his face. “We aren’t doing anything or going anywhere. I’d ask you guys to come over after work to see for yourself, but I don’t wanna.”

“Ever since you and Y/N started dating, you’ve changed.” The fake sniffle Chan let out almost sent Jihoon to the floor but he managed to reach the door and once he took a bow, walked out.

*

Jihoon let himself in quietly, just in case you were asleep or on the phone with someone important to you, but he was greeted with a Stray Kids song coming from the living room. He smiled while he watched “Back Door”, nodding to himself when he saw Bang Chan. He admired the leader, and respected his choices regarding his group, but if anything, it was how much you fawned over him that made him petty. (Not in the sense that whenever you argued, he’d tell you to be with him, but rather he thrived on the idea that if he was with you in public and you came across Chan, Jihoon could always be satisfied in knowing that you were on his arm, and bragging about him.) 

He did make a note to remind himself to tell the boys  that your friend wanted Seventeen to do the choreo and if he could just remember it one day, it’d be great. 

“Jagi?” He called out so he’d know where you were.

“I’m not home,” was your response and with that, followed the sound of your voice that led him into the kitchen. “You’re early.”

He placed a kiss on your hair and let you finish the dishes while he checked the mail you left on the table. Bills, spam, a few unknown addresses written to you and he could only assume you found more photocards and you’d show them to him later. “How was work?”

“They wanted me to stay a little longer but I told them I couldn’t.”

“So just about the same as me.” He tore up the junk mail, and threw it in the trash. “What’s that smell?” He asked, wrinkling his nose.

“I might have burned the first batch of cookies, while I was in the shower. But don’t worry, thes ones in the oven are almost done and they’ll be good for dinner.” You turned around to wave at him, but he stood up, opened a pack of peach gummies for you and fed you one. “Speaking of, what sounds good?”

He wrapped his arms around you, back hugging you while you resumed your chores. “I’m not hungry right now. How about you throw these in the dishwasher and we can just watch movies and we’ll make food later?”

“Vacuum the living room first and then I’ll go meet you there. I have to clean the bathroom after this and dust my shelves and-” you sighed, “-so much to do.”

“But you’re not working tomorrow. Can’t you do that?”

“I have plans tomorrow and I won’t be home until late.”

“Fine, I’ll help you do our chores so you can finish and then we’ll watch something that Wonwoo swore was good.” 

He kissed your cheek, only to jump slightly when you yelled out, “Ateez present!”, followed by, “Turn the TV up. I love this song!”

He nodded but didn’t say anything else, instead running around the apartment with the vacuum cleaner and you occasionally scolding him because you couldn’t hear your favorite songs, and after that, collecting all the trash to throw out so you wouldn’t have to go outside and lose whatever motivation you had. He liked when you had energy like that; it usually made him wonder what other things you had done, like the fact you changed the bedsheets this time, washed his clothes, and baked some dessert. You worked extra hard today and he couldn’t wait to have you sit next to him and watch something that you wouldn’t focus on, but you’d have a good night’s sleep if that happened. He wished he could do what you did in the short amount you’ve been home.

You somehow managed to finish at around the same time, but he could see you weren’t tired because you were teasing the cat with all its toys. (The cat he said he didn’t want when you bought the apartment, but for some reason couldn’t bear parting with the stray so now, he was an active member of the family, but he wasn’t complaining. The feline kept you company when he was gone and it strangely put Jihoon at ease.) “Haha, you’re too slow. Come grab it now.” You picked him up, trying not to wince when one of the claws came out. “Come on pretty boy. You’re gonna watch a movie with us tonight.”

Jihoon was already waiting for you, your favorite blanket ready to be claimed and the snacks ready to be eaten. “Come on Jagi. You don’t know how long I was waiting to do this with you.” He extended his arms wide enough for you to fall into them, and when you did, wrapped them around you, sighing contentedly. “You know I can stay like this forever, right?”

He kissed your forehead when you nodded, and you could feel the tiredness creeping in. He always made your long days a little better and you often wished you could be the beacon of energy he needed, and you tried really hard to be that. Your work’s complaints could wait for another day, but this couldn’t. “Thank you for coming home early.”

You could feel yourself falling asleep a little into the movie, not because you were bored, but because you were so warm and comfortable and you didn;t wanna break your little bubble. Jihoon played with your hair, further lulling you into a slumber and when he placed random kisses on you, you just silently asked for more. So it surprised you when the doorbell rang and you looked at him. “Did you order dinner?”

“No. Did you?” Then came the hard knocking and you recognized it immediately, and you let out a laugh.

“They didn’t,” Jihoon groaned. “I told them no. Just ignore them and they’ll go away.”

“Is that why you turned my phone off earlier?”

“Yes. I don’t always get this time with you.”

“Should I just let them in? You know they won’t stop until we open the door.” You didn’t know how long you stayed liked, but you reluctantly got off of Jihoon and opened the door, him muttering profanities and threatening to put them through hell the next time they were due to record.

“Y/N, you’re here!” Seungkwan pushed through everyone to hug you. “How come you don’t visit us? Don’t you love us anymore?”

“Dude, I’ve been so busy lately. I’m sorry.”

“WAIT!” Chan cried loud enough to wake your neighbors so you put a finger to your lips to quiet him down. “So Hyung was telling the truth when he said you weren;t doing anything?”

“We literally just cleaned the house and we were gonna watch a movie until bed.”

“Wow, you’re not fun.”

You counted all the heads, multiple times, frowning a little when you counted the 12. “I haven’t made dinner and we were just gonna have noodles.”

“Oh good! We’re starving.” Someone pushed Wonwoo and they all rushed inside, quickly making themselves at home. Jihoon shot you an apologetic look and you smiled at him. You enjoyed Seventeen’s company, but Jihoon shook his head, trying to look annoyed at their presence, but the smile he tried to hide was confirmation enough to have them here for a little. 

“Everyone is having ramen form the packet and if you don’t like it, then you can go and get your own food.” Your eyes widened when you saw the time on the stove. It felt so much later than it actually was.

“I just wanna know why you guys are here and not at home.”

“Hyung, you invited me earlier, remember? While I was working on the choreo and you were looking for your phone.”

“That reminds me. Catch Woozi!” Soonyoung fished the phone out of his pocket and threw it at his best friend, snickering when he failed to catch it.

“I didn’t invite you. I said I wish I could, but I don’t want to.”

“Well, we’re already here and Y/N said we could stay.”

“But please not so late; I’m working tomorrow. But later this weekend, you can go nuts.”

*

“I thought you weren’t working,” Jihoon asked after the unexpected guests left.

“I’m not, but like you said, we don’t always have time to do this.”

“You’re the best. Go play the movie; I can finish right here. Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Not kicking them out. You could’ve done that.”

“They were already here.” You shrugged. “I guess you guys still need each other sometimes.”

“Still, I appreciate that.” He lightly pushed you to the living room, though you couldn’t actually sit down. There was a small mess you could’ve ignored, but you were already up and you didn’t know how long it’d be until Jihoon finished. Plus it wouldn’t take long, especially since your favorite boy was sound asleep on his tower after Jun and Vernon chased him around. 

And you also also had to change Netflix accounts so no one would be confused about anything. Luckily, no one touched your stuff, so you were able to find your spot fairly quickly and Jihoon came by just in time, with two of your cookies in his hand, and handed one to you.

“I love you, you know that?”

He nodded. “Let’s finish watching this, so we can go to sleep.” He flopped on the couch, once again extending his arms to you, where you met him with small pecks and flushed cheeks. 

You finally pressed play again, hoping for no more interruptions until the next day, quickly falling into your previous state of almost falling asleep right then and there. “I love you Jihoon,” you mumbled to him again.

He shut his eyes in his euphoric state, letting your words warm him up before he responded to you, quietly enough that not even your favorite boy could hear.

“You are my miracle.”

[fellintotartarus]

my brown-haired boy (3)

Summary: Reader has to navigate the difficult reality of having a crush on Spencer and trying to raise a kid with him. 6.5k words

A/N: This is it! Thank you so much for the support on the previous 2 parts and I really hope you guys enjoy this last part.

Warnings: explicit discussions of sex, angst, curse words, alcohol consumption.

part 1 | part 2 

-

The first time Spencer asked you if Max could stay with him for the weekend, you nearly passed out on the spot.

“Y/N?” Spencer asked.

You blinked. There was no reason for him not to be able to, right? So why the hell did it make you so nervous?

“Um… yes,” you said hesitantly.

Spencer eyed you warily.

“Are you sure?”

You exhaled sharply, nodded, and said, “Yes.”

Spencer’s eyes lit up and he thanked you before running off somewhere, presumably to gush to someone or make plans.

It was November, four months since Spencer had met Max. They took to each other impossibly, Max always asking after Spencer and vice versa. On more than one occasion, you’d had to call Spencer over in the middle of the night to calm Max after a nightmare.

And then there was the issue of the palpable tension between the two of you. Nothing could just be what it was. Every phone call had to end with a longing sigh, every glance with a burning passion. You found your gaze lingering on his lithe arms when his sleeves were rolled up, on his jawline as he examined a crime board, on his hands (god, his hands) as they flicked over a page.

It had bled obviously into your work life, too, where, entirely too often, you had to be snapped out of a stupor by one of the girls.

You hadn’t told anyone, though. Your first and foremost responsibility was to Max, and you hardly wanted anyone thinking that you were going to jeopardize that. 

Right now though, it was Thursday and you were wrapping up a case in Grand Rapids and you desperately wanted to be home with your son, who you had incidentally just handed over to his father.

The team had taken the news in stride. It was still incredibly strange to them (justifiably so, honestly), so they tended to avoid the topic so as to not accidentally bring up anything sensitive. This mistake had already been made once (your cheeks burned at the memory of Derek asking why you and Spencer showed up to work together so often) and everyone was quick to learn from that experience.

Your phone rang and you looked down to see your mother’s contact light up the screen. You excused yourself from the conference room and quickly answered.

“Hey, mom.”

“Hi, darling. Max wants to say goodnight,” she said, sighing and sounding slightly apologetic.

“No worries, mom, we’re in a lull anyways. Put him on, would you?” you appeased her.

“Mommy!” came a shrill squeal from the line.

“Hi, mouse,” you lilted. “Goodnight, baby. Sleep tight. I’ll be home tomorrow.”

“Is daddy there?” Max asked impatiently.

“I- yes. He’s right here,” you said, slightly taken aback, and walked back into the conference room. You walked up to Spencer and unceremoniously handed him the phone, shrugging when he looked at you inquisitively. He stood up and started out of the room, putting the phone up to his ear as he walked.

JJ glanced over at you and said, “What was that about?”

You frowned. “He didn’t even say anything, just ‘Is daddy there?’” You ripped at the corner of the page in the case files you were working on. JJ smiled sympathetically. “Henry went through the same thing. Honestly, he still prefers one of us on and off.”

You shook your head. “But I--” you sighed. “I don’t know.”

Spencer came back into the room a few minutes later, smiling apologetically and handing you back your phone

“What was that about?” you asked, trying to sound casual.

Spencer laughed softly. “He just wanted to tell me about that thing that happened at school.”

You looked at him expectantly. “Wh- well, what happened?” you asked.

Spencer looked at you confusedly and said, “He didn’t--” but he was interrupted by Hotch, who came in with a new directive in the case.

You were visibly sullen the rest of the day. JJ assured you it was normal, but you couldn’t help but think that Max was taking to Spencer more than he ever liked you.

You were short with Spencer, too, even though you knew it was through no fault of his own that Max asked for him instead of you.

Sensing your worry, Hotch came up next to you at the precinct’s coffee machine.

“It’s just because he sees Reid as more of a friend than anything. Trust me, as soon as he has to tell him to go to bed or eat his vegetables, you’ll have equal footing again,” he said with a small smile.

You reciprocated, nodding your head with a small, “Thanks,” desperately hoping he was right.

The case wrapped up rather quickly, and you found yourself avoiding Spencer on the jet home the next day. You could feel his eyes burning into the back of your neck and could see JJ, who sat across from you, exchanging nervous looks with him over your shoulder.

“Hey,” you interrupted her conspicuous staring contest. “Spence has Max for the weekend. Girls’ night?”

JJ’s eyes lit up (and you only later thought to realize it had been completely mischievous) and smiled. 

“Sounds amazing.”

You grinned in response and your phone dinged.

Pen Garcia

Did someone say girls’ night at Y/N’s?!!

You stared at your phone, mouth agape.

Pen Garcia

I have an alert system any time anyone on the plane says girls’ night.

You blinked in disbelief.

“So it seems that Pen spies on us and is overwhelmingly ready for girls’ night.”

JJ nodded. “Oh yeah, that old thing. It scared the shit out of me the first time.”

You laughed, “You can say that again.”

The plane landed sooner than you would have liked, and you turned to Spencer as you were both getting off the jet and said curtly, “I’ll drop him off at six.”

His eyes caught yours and for a second you completely forgot you were feeling resentful toward him.

You hated it. It was like time froze and the only thing you could think of or focus on was him. It was pretty easily tunnel vision, and every time, your breath caught in your throat and your cheeks heated to an impossible pink. Each time, it became somehow easier and harder to snap out of it. The better you got at it, the less you wanted to. You tore your gaze from his and walked side by side back into headquarters.

Spencer looked slightly concerned for you. He walked a little faster to be slightly ahead of you and turned his head a little, the expression on his face clearly asking if you were okay.

You nodded softly, pulling him to the side. “Six, okay? And Spencer, you’re his dad. This can’t just be a fun sleepover.”

Spencer looked slightly confused, but agreed. “Y/N, I know that. Don’t worry.”

You smiled and thanked him before walking off to your car and driving home. 

As soon as you put your key in the lock, you heard the little footsteps thundering toward the door. You managed to catch your son in a hug while kicking the door shut behind you.

“Hi, mouse!” you smiled and kissed his chubby cheek. “You’re gonna spend the weekend at Daddy’s. Does that sound okay?”

To say Max’s face lit up would be an understatement. He squealed excitedly, jumped up and down, and said, “Yeaaahhh!” in a way only a 5 year old could.

You giggled, said, “Okay, mouse, go get your toys packed up,” and walked over to the dresser in his room to pack a weekend bag.

You sighed, thinking of the way Max was clearly more excited to spend time with Spencer than with you. You thought of what JJ said, that Henry went through it, too. You hated to think it, but it was different. Henry grew up with both Will and JJ. You were Max’s only parent up until 4 months ago, you had raised him by yourself, and it was so painful to see someone who only showed up those 4 months ago take over your son’s life so easily.

You mentally scolded yourself. There was quite literally no way Spencer would have gotten involved sooner. Not only that, but you were the one who decided to involve him in the first place. You couldn’t think like this.

But everything about Spencer was infuriating. He was absolutely perfect around your kid, he was devastatingly attractive, and he didn’t fucking know it. He still acted as though Max wasn’t completely infatuated with him, he licked his lips and scrunched his eyebrows with such little care it almost seemed on purpose, and you were sick of it. You wanted to be able to make it through a day without having to exist so consciously around him, where you could just breathe and stop worrying about him being right there.

You shut the dresser just a little too harshly, snapping you out of your conflicting mess of festering emotions. Sighing, you finished packing Max’s things and led him to the car.

Spencer, for some god-awful reason, lived in DC proper, making your drive to his house overwhelmingly unbearable. The drive wasn’t long, but the traffic was awful and you wanted to poke your eyes out by the time you pulled up to his apartment.

Getting Max out of his booster seat and walking him up the stairs, you said, “Alright, Max, I’ll pick you up on Sunday, okay?”

Spencer was waiting at the open door and Max ran to him. You were suddenly choked up, feeling like the day a few months prior when you left Max at school for the first time.

After Spencer finished greeting Max and managed to pry him off of his legs, he said, “Say goodbye to Mommy, Maxie,” seeming almost worried that Max wouldn’t be enthusiastic about it.

Thankfully, however, Max walked over to you and gave you a squeeze and kiss on the cheek before saying, “Bye, mommy!”

“Bye, baby,” you said, breathing a sigh of relief. You nodded goodbye to Spencer before heading back down the stairs.

On your way back home, you sent a text to the girls’ night group that Pen added you to the day you started at the BAU.

You

Mine at 9?

You received affirmative texts from all the women before you even pulled into your driveway.

The next two hours were filled with tidying (your mom, like a saint, did a lot of the cleaning when she stayed, so all that was left to you was picking up and wiping down the occasional counter), picking up an exorbitant amount of booze, and, even though you were staying in, picking out an outfit that didn’t scream I’ve been a single mom for five years.

You let yourself dwell on your perpetual problem longer than you probably should have. Every time you thought of Spencer, your heart hurt. You didn’t know why you couldn’t just put these feelings aside and let it be a normal co-parenting/coworker relationship (as if there was such a thing). 

You were snapped out of your thoughts (that seemed to happen quite a bit these days) by excited knocks at your door.

You put on your best face and opened the door to the three women standing on your front porch. Upon seeing you, all three of them cheered and pushed their way into your house.

“I have the movie picked. Tonight we will be watching After because it is the worst movie ever created based on the worst book ever written based on the most popular One Direction fanfiction ever, and I will have you know that I kept up with that fanfiction while it was being released and the movie does it zero justice,” Penelope said in one breath. “Not that there was any justice for it to be given in the first place,” she shrugged.

The other three of you were nearly in tears as she rambled, already indoctrinated on her severe opinions on the movie/book/fanfiction.

After one shot and one drink each, you hit play on the movie and let it play in the background. 

“You know, Pen, I still remember in high school when you got caught writing lesbian Harry Potter smut on a library computer,” you said, inhibitions obviously already lowered.

Emily’s mouth fell completely open. “Penelope… please tell me this is true.”

Penelope looked completely betrayed, cheeks red and eyes wide. “Y/N, high school is off the table. Or did you want me to tell them about that one time I found you with your hand down your pants with a copy of Twilight?”

Screeching laughter echoed throughout the small house while your face burned red and you slapped a hand over Penelope’s mouth.

“Truce, okay, truce!” you yelled over the noise, laughing yourself and trying to calm everyone down.

After a few more drinks that left you all pretty incapacitated, the conversation strayed naturally to your sex lives. Because that was something you had as a single mother of a five-year-old.

JJ began, “Hottest sex Will and I ever had was at this fancy hotel room in New York before we had Henry. I tied him up and--”

Emily interrupted, “Woah, okay, that’s definitely enough detail.”

“Well, what about you?” Penelope said, poking Emily in the cheek.

Emily leaned back into the cushions and stared at the ceiling before saying, “It was with this girl back in the Academy. We were new recruits, so there was just something so hot and new and fun about handcuffs. Honestly nothing has topped that feeling since. I mean, there’s been better sex, sure, but nothing as all around good as that.”

Penelope went next. “I’m honestly surprised Kevin and I dated as long as we did, because the sex, even if it was adventurous, was wildly mediocre. Just aggressively okay. But the best sex would probably have to be with this old hacker I worked with. He was so rough and somehow caring at the same time? Anyways, him.”

Everyone looked at you expectantly and suddenly you could vividly feel every drop of alcohol in your system. The ceiling spun dangerously and you felt yourself opening your mouth and speaking before you could stop yourself.

“He soft dommed me. Told me shit like ‘good girl’ and ‘you take it so nice’ and held his hand around my throat and made me finish like four times. It was ridiculously good.” you sighed, only barely registering that you told them more about their coworker of several years than they would want to know.

Penelope said, “Oh god, that sounds nice.”

You sighed. “It was so nice. Haven’t had any since, though.”

“And what was the context of this?” Emily said, surprisingly coherent for the number of drinks she had.

“Oh, it was the one-night stand with Spence in Vegas,” you said as if they should have known.

SIlence. And then, “Oh, I take it back. I take it back,” from Pen.

Emily sat straight up. “Wait, you’re telling me Spencer, our Spencer, is a dom?”

You shrugged, nonplussed. “Maybe not as a rule, but for sure that night.”

JJ held her hand up to stop any more conversation. “No. I am done with this conversation. That man is my little brother and I cannot hear this.”

“Agreed,” from Penelope.

“Whatever. It’s not like I told you guys I accidentally maybe fell in love with him,” you chuckled, almost to yourself.

The air in the room sobered quickly.

Pen scooted over to you. “Baby. What?”

You looked over at her. “Oh, it’s not like it’s a big deal. He likes me back. We kissed. Once--” you held up one finger emphatically as if to prove your point (god you were drunk). “Only once. And it was just to get it out, you know? ‘Cause we can’t get involved like that. Not with Max.”

You giggled. “And it only hurts a little, right? Because Max likes him better than me now, but I raised Max by myself for five years and I think I deserve a little more credit than that! So Spencer is all of the sudden this perfect dad but there’s so much tension and I don’t know how much more I can take.”

A few tears slipped down your eyes and you broke into sniffles, all three of the girls quickly shuffling next to you and taking you in their arms. You leaned into Penelope’s ample chest and looked up at her through tears.

“Pen, these make a fantastic pillow.”

All of you laughed a little before JJ spoke. “Y/N, I know you think you’re doing right by Max by not being with Spencer. I know it. But, babes, if you let this tension continue, nothing good will come of it.”

Emily nodded. “I know both of you well enough to say that even if a relationship failed, you two are way too invested in Max to let anything come between that.”

You shook your head. “I know you guys just want me to be happy. But growing up without a dad sucks. And I don't want to put Max at the tiniest risk he could lose that now that he has it.”

At that moment, someone on screen said something incredibly stupid and the three of you burst into hesitant giggles, lightening the mood ever so slightly.

JJ pulled you up and said, “Come on, let’s get you ready for bed,” to which you nodded and smiled lazily.

“Thank you,” you whispered, nuzzling into her. She pulled the sheets back and wrestled you out of your pants before tipping you unceremoniously into your bed.

“Oh, Y/N. Thank me when this is resolved.” she sighed, pulling the sheets up to your chin as you fell asleep.

-

Sunday, you overslept and were in a massive rush to get Max from Spencer’s on time. You barely had time to shove a piece of toast in your mouth before jumping in your car and taking off nearly an hour behind schedule.

By the time you parked at Spencer’s apartment, it was definitely an hour past when you were supposed to pick him up.

You practically sprinted up the stairs and knocked frantically at his door.

As soon as the door opened, you pushed in, explaining yourself at the speed of light.

“I’m so sorry, Spencer, I slept in and lost track of time--”

“Woah, Y/N,” Spencer interrupted, grabbing your hand. “Have you checked your phone? Your mom came and got him to take him to the zoo.”

You gasped. “Oh my god I forgot about that. She texted me last night right before I passed out and--”

“Y/N, don’t worry about it. Seriously.” Spencer assuaged you.

You nodded, taking a breath, and noticed your hand in his. You felt your nerves come to life, every single groove of his hand being mapped by yours. You gulped, your eyes flicking up to his.

The air in the room was incredibly thick, and you could almost feel his pulse. God, it was ridiculous how much tension there was. It seemed like something straight out of a romance novel or--

His eyes dropped to your lips and your breath hitched. You felt your eyes fluttering closed and his breath ghosting your face before you pulled away suddenly.

“Spencer,” you whispered, tears playing at the corner of your eyes. “You know we can’t.”

His forehead dropped to yours and he closed his eyes, sighing. “I know.”

“There’s no good solution here, is there?” you asked.

Spencer chuckled emptily. “I don’t suppose there is.”

You pulled away slowly and completely, smiling softly, not really meaning it, and stepped out the door.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” you said.

“See you tomorrow,” he replied.

-

And that’s how you ended up with JJ on your couch, the both of you sharing an obscenely large tub of ice cream.

“I just don’t know what to do anymore,” you sighed dejectedly.

JJ stabbed her spoon into the ice cream and left it there, taking your face in her hands and saying, “Y/N, it’s not healthy for anyone in this situation to keep repressing these feelings. You’re both too professional and respectful to let anything get in the way of Max.”

“I don’t understand why I can’t just let it go! It’s just a stupid crush and I’m letting get in the way of everything!” you ranted, letting out an exasperated groan.

JJ rubbed your back and said, “You know it’s more than that, Y/N. And that kind of thing is not something you just get rid of.”

“Just tell me what to do, Jayje,” you whined.

She chuckled. “Y/N, you know what I think you should do. But if you’re serious about getting over it, you have to stop acting like there’s something there. Stop putting yourself in situations that perpetuate your feelings.”

You responded by groaning again, this time into a pillow.

“Why does this have to be so hard?” you asked softly, turning your head over to JJ.

She just gave you a sympathetic look in return, saying “I know, babe,” and continuing to rub your back.

-

True to JJ’s advice, you stopped avoiding Spencer like there was anything wrong. Hotch had been right about Max equalizing once he realized Spencer was not just a friend, so at least you didn’t have to worry about that anymore. It was hard, but you managed to stop catching Spencer’s eye illicitly, the lingering touches and gazes.

If you were honest, it made it entirely worse than before. You felt like you were living a lie, especially since Spencer practically looked like a kicked puppy at the realization that you were detaching yourself.

You came up to him in the office one early December afternoon and said, “We should start planning Max’s birthday party.”

Spencer looked up at you. “Oh, there’s a ‘we’ now, is there?”

You looked at him confusedly. “Spencer, what the hell are you talking about?”

He pulled you into the copy room and flicked the lock. “So I’m just Max’s dad now, huh? Nothing else?” he said, coming dangerously close to you.

You squared up against him and said, “Spencer, nothing can happen between us and it would be stupid to keep up the Pride and Prejudice-style longing! It was a one-night stand and we are coworkers,” you nearly yelled. “Or have you forgotten the FBI fraternization rules, SSA Dr. Reid?”

“I’m not the one who shamelessly leaned in for a kiss three separate times, now was I?” he responded, just as harsh.

“That was both of us and you know it, Dr. Reid.” you said, your voice low.

“You’re punishing me for something that isn’t even remotely my fault! If you hadn’t begged a stranger to sleep with you, we wouldn’t be in this situation!” Spencer yelled.

“So now we’re playing the slut card, huh? Are you really suggesting my son is causing the problems right now? Let’s get one thing straight, Spencer if I hadn’t begged you to sleep with me you wouldn’t have a son. You wouldn't have the son that I raised for five years by myself! You don’t get to act like a bitch baby just because you can’t get in my pants again.” you snarled.

“You know that’s not what’s happening here. And you can hardly pin the blame on me, Y/N, you know full well there was no way of us getting in touch!”

“It was a mistake involving you in this.”

“It was a mistake fucking you!”

“How dare you fucking say that? You know what that means. You can’t get involved in my kid’s life for 4 months and then decide you don’t want anything to do with us! Fuck, you, Reid, fuck you.” You stalked out of the copy room, face stony, and sat at your desk, not noticing every single pair of eyes in the bullpen trained on you.

Your phone buzzed. 

Pen Garcia

Y/N, I heard that all the way from the hallway.

Pen Garcia

Do you want to grab lunch and talk about it?

You sighed, looking around the room and seeing how everyone was purposefully avoiding your gaze. You were too numb to even cry. Every single moment you had at the BAU had been tied to Spencer and Max and it had culminated to this one awful tipping point.

You quickly scratched out a note to Spencer (look I’m not going to stop you from seeing Max but it doesn’t sound like something you want anymore. text pen if you want to help with the party. don’t talk to me unless it’s about work or Max.) and left it at his desk.

You walked up the stairs to Hotch’s office and poked your head in. He seemed to be waiting for you.

“That sounded bad.”

You sighed. “Yeah. I don’t know. I expected too much of him, I guess.”

You paused and looked at Hotch. He seemed sympathetic (or as sympathetic as he was allowed to be toward a subordinate that just disrupted the entire floor).

Finally he spoke up. “Why don’t you head out for the rest of the day?”

You swallowed and nodded. “Thanks, Hotch.”

You to Pen Garcia

Please.

-

The next week passed very uncomfortably. You and Spencer were just civil enough at work to not need a reprimand, but not enough that you didn’t make everyone aware that you two were very much still at odds.

He picked up Max for the odd sleepover with minimal interaction and Max could tell something was wrong. He didn’t say anything, but every time you or he brought up Daddy, the tightness in your face and voice was a dead giveaway, even for a five-year-old.

Everyone on the team tried multiple times to get you guys to make up, but there wasn’t even enough passion in the animosity. You would just stare at him and walk off.

It was fucking awful. Just when you were getting used to having someone around--someone in any capacity--he fucking ruined it. Sometimes, when you were trying to fall asleep, you’d lay in your bed and replay his words in your head.

It was a mistake fucking you.

You’d let the tears roll down your temples into your hair and ears as you imagined a world in which you hadn’t done just that. You imagined a world in which you were new to the BAU, no baggage, no complications, just your outstanding application and a new job. You imagined a world in which Spencer wasn’t this person ridden with so many memories and unfortunate connections. 

But, god, for him to say that knowing that meant Max not existing? That’s where you took issue. You desperately wanted to move on and forget about it but that was proving impossible. Everything reminded you of him and what happened. But the worst part was that you still had feelings for him.

Before, you would glance at him and feel wistful, thinking of what could be but what couldn’t be. Now, it felt like someone twisting a knife in you. You’d see him, you’d wake up in the morning and think of him, and for a glorious second, it was all pure. A simple crush. Then it came crashing down. The things he said, the way he acted around you, and you would just collapse inside.

Spencer had come up to you a few times, but you were unclear on his intentions. For a second, it seemed like he was going to let you have it again, but then he’d see your face and his expression would soften and he’d walk away.

On more than one occasion, you had seen or overheard another member of the team going in on him. Apparently the contents of the argument were well known because you had yelled so loud. They all seemed to passively side with you, which meant Spencer must have really fucked up because they had known him for years and you for months. Derek pulled him aside and told him he was way out of line, Hotch demanded he make amends, and Emily just glared.

You took only a small comfort in the fact that the team had your back, because that didn’t change the fact that you and Spencer were not speaking. The day of Max’s party was quickly approaching and you were already exhausted thinking of all the pretending you would have to do. Your mom knew very little as to why things were tense and knew not to ask. It seemed that problems with baby daddies ran in the family now.

Max’s birthday was December 9th and the day you finally broke was December 7th.

The team was in the conference room working on a group consult. Preliminary deductions were made, leaving everyone in silence, glancing over the case files for more information. You glanced up a few seats over to see Spencer looking at you with so much emotion. You couldn’t place it, but you had absolutely had it.

“Dr. Reid, do you need me to transfer? Because I can’t do this anymore and I’m begging you to stop being such a fucking ass,” you seethed quietly, just loud enough for everyone else in the room to hear.

Hotch started to object, but you felt the tears welling in your eyes, so you calmly pushed away from the table and excused yourself to the bathroom, Penelope following closely behind you.

As soon as you pushed the door open, a sob escaped your throat, echoing throughout the bathroom. Penelope quickly pulled you in her arms as you broke down into tears.

“I just don’t know what to do, Pen, I can’t take this anymore,” you gasped through sobs.

Penelope, being the empath she was, cried with you, holding you close and rubbing your back. “Baby, I know. I know it’s hard. But believe me, you’re so strong. You’re the one that had a kid by yourself at 23 and you’re right, Spencer is a complete ass right now. It’s not your fault, baby, it really isn’t.”

“What am I supposed to do? This is my dream job, Pen, it would kill me to transfer but I just can’t take this anymore. And even if I transfer, I can’t just keep him from Max, Max loves him so much,” you cried. “Please, Penelope. I don’t know what to do.”

A knock on the door rang out.

“Y/N? Are you in there?” It was Spencer’s voice.

Penelope looked down at you in her arms. “Do you want to talk to him?”

You sniffed, collecting yourself slightly before nodding. “Yeah. I’d better.”

Penelope smiled softly. “I’ll be here if you need me.”

You gave her a watery smile in return. “The bathroom?”

“You underestimate my resolve,” she responded.

You shook your head affectionately, walking slowly toward the door. “I could never, Pen.”

You pulled the door open to see a fraught Spencer on the other side. He looked genuinely worried and upset, which caught you slightly off guard. He nodded toward the now empty conference room and turned to start in that direction. You followed closely behind him.

Once inside, he turned to face you again. “Y/N I’m so sorry.”

You waited for him to continue.

“I’ve never regretted anything more. I shouldn’t have said what I said, it was so… wrong of me. There’s no way on Earth I could ever regret Max, ever, Y/N, you have to understand that. I majorly crossed a line. There is literally no excuse for what I said,” he rambled, quiet tears slipping down his cheeks as he talked.

“Spencer. I can’t just forget it.” you whispered. “If this is what it’s going to be like every time we fight, I’m not going to be able to handle it. I care about you a lot and it hurts too much.”

You sat in one of the numerous chairs and continued, “And I was mean, too, Spencer. I hurt your feelings. I’m sorry. It wasn’t a mistake involving you. It was just a mistake ignoring these feelings and pretending they would go away. And then acting like children about it,” you added, chuckling dryly. 

Spencer was quiet for a moment, taking a seat next to you. “I really want to make this work. Us,” he said, taking your hand. “This week has been hell, Y/N.”

“It has, hasn’t it,” you replied.

“Spencer, promise me, promise me that we won’t keep stuff from each other and let things explode like this. We’re in each other’s lives for good now, whether we like it or not.” you said firmly.

“Never again,” Spencer smiled.

-

The day of Max’s party rolled around and you were awoken by a very rambunctious (now) six-year-old practically jumping on your ribs.

“Oh, god, mouse,” you groaned. “Stop that, you’re hurting me.”

Max was very quick to settle after you spoke and he nuzzled in next to you and said, “Sorry, mommy, I’m just so excited!”

You laughed, still blinking sleep out of your eyes. “Happy birthday, mouse.”

Max shot up and said, “Thank you!” before getting up and running god knows where.

The rest of the morning was filled with preparations. Penelope came over with Derek and a full car, but wouldn’t let you outside to see anything she had brought. 

Derek greeted you with a hug. “How’re you doing?”

You beamed. “A lot better.”

And it was true. You and Spencer spent the rest of the afternoon (or, really, as much as you could of it) talking. It was productive and you were genuinely hopeful. You started to think that maybe a relationship wouldn’t be as damaging as you had made it out to be.

Derek smiled and said, “Glad to hear it, Y/N.”

While Derek and Penelope set up in the backyard, you got Max ready for his party. He insisted on wearing all his favorite clothes that he had worn earlier in the week, so you had to do a load of laundry so he could wear them.

Max came meandering into the laundry room while you were putting the wet clothes in the dryer.

“Are you still mad at daddy?” he asked.

You turned to him, alarmed. “What makes you think I was mad at daddy?”

Max shrugged. “I don’t know. It was obvious.”

You sighed, contemplating what to say.

“Daddy and I had a fight, mouse. And I was mad at him for a little while, but we talked about it and apologized to each other, which is what you do when you hurt someone’s feelings, right?”

Max nodded.

“Well, we apologized to each other and now we aren’t mad at each other anymore,” you said, tossing the last of the clothes into the dryer.

“Yay!” Max exclaimed. “So you’re kissing now?”

“Wh- What?” you asked, extremely startled by the question.

“Mommies and daddies kiss,” Max explained simply.

You knelt on the ground next to him. “Yeah, mouse, some do. But Spencer and I aren’t like that. We don’t know each other very well, and normally, you only kiss people you know well.”

Max looked slightly dejected. “Okay.”

You poked him in the tummy and said, “Let’s go see how the set up for the party is going.”

Max perked up and followed you outside.

You stopped in your tracks at the sight in front of you. “Penelope. Oh my god. You’ve outdone yourself.”

The backyard was absolutely decked in decorations. Streamers hung from tree to tree, tables were set up with different kids’ games, and the goodie bags were concerningly large.

“Only the best for my Maxie!” Pen said, walking over to the both of you. You smiled and wrapped her in a hug. “Though Derek did most of the heavy lifting,” she laughed.

“Now hurry up and get ready, both of you. Your friends will be here soon!” she continued, shooing you inside.

True to Penelope’s word, as soon as you got Max dressed, his friends started pouring into the backyard. Other moms praised you on your decorating skills, which Penelope practically bullied you into taking the credit for (“single moms get enough shit as it is”).

As it was a BAU tradition to attend kids’ parties for reasons you didn’t quite understand but were entirely grateful for, the team began showing up shortly after the kids. Hotch got there first with Jack in tow, who took off for the games as soon as he saw them, while Hotch greeted you with a small hug. JJ showed up with Henry and exactly the same thing happened. Emily showed up sporting a bag that clinked too much for your liking and she winked at your questioning eyebrow. Your mom and sister were absolutely floored by the decorations when they showed, giving Penelope big hugs.

Finally, Spencer walked through the gate, and Max ran up to him at the speed of light. Spencer caught him and spun him through the air, singing Happy Birthday in a truly awful singing voice. His eye caught yours and you smiled from ear to ear.

After he dealt with Max, he walked over to you and wrapped you in a tight hug, saying, “I’m glad we’re okay,” into your ear.

You pulled away, watching all the kids run around your backyard with glee. “You know, Max noticed. He asked if I was done being mad at you this morning.”

Spencer laughed. “He’s a smart kid. I guess we’ll just have to never do that again.” “Agreed,” you chuckled. You thought for a second before adding, “He also asked if we’re kissing now. Because that’s what happy mommies and daddies do.”

Spencer glanced over at you. “Yeah?”

You bit your lip, rocking on your toes. “Yeah.”

You made eye contact that shocked you down to your toes. “It would be a big deal, Y/N. I understand that.”

You looked around before subtly grabbing his hand. “I think it’s worth it. I really like you, Spencer. You’re my kid’s dad. There obviously has to be something there with that. I want this.”

Spencer didn’t respond, just took your face in his hands and gently pulled it towards his. Your lips met and the world felt right again. You felt as sure of this as when you left Chicago for the BAU, as sure as when you’d made the decision to keep Max, as sure as when you’d first stepped into the hotel room with Spencer.

The kiss was short due to there being so many kids around, but you were still left breathless. You smiled at Spencer as your forehead rested against his. A voice to your left snapped you two out of your reverie.

“Yay, mommy and daddy kissed!” Max yelled.

Your cheeks burned and you nearly hid your face in your hands, but Spencer grabbed them, laughed and said, “Yeah, Maxie, we did,” and you just smiled.

And 12 years later, at Max’s high school graduation, you nearly hid your face in your hands when the tears started pouring down your face, but Spencer grabbed them, kissed them, and said, “Thank you.”

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