#tord also has smiley :)

[sunw13d]

[ew-headyhearts]

Body Headcanons

No one asked but here you go. I’m putting this one under the cut because it’s really long.

Characters: Edd, Tom, Matt, Tord, Eduardo, Jon, Mark

TW: I talk about booties and thighs

Edd: 6'1. Man's is chugging cola throughout the day it is no surprise he's heavy set. Not much for personal grooming. He maintains his cleanliness but the most hair he'd let grow out is a light stubble. Really dark leg and arm hair. Has cellulite and stretch marks but doesn't seem to mind. Actually, has a hand full of tattoos! Nothing crazy, they're mostly patchwork tattoos. Although, when Edd and the other three were all in high school they all gave themselves matching stick and poke tattoos. It’s a smiley face that looks uncannily like the ASDF Movie face. Granted none of them had experience doing tattoos so they made Edd do it for all of them. They all have it on the inside of the right wrist and they're all equally pretty wonky. Although Matt ended up doing Edd's making his look the absolute worst.

Matt: 6'4 A God damn string bean. Most definitely the palest of them all, like you could see the color of his veins pale. He is the definition of a pretty boy. Long legs and surprisingly strong calves. Also has the nicest butt of them all. Don't tell him though, it'll only inflate his ego. Will make sure everyone knows you think his butt is nice and the others will get annoyed. Still has acne scars from high school because he was a chronic skin picker. He also still had fangs from the time he was turned into a vampire. Is he still one? He won't tell~ Covered in freckles from head to toe. He shaves, though it’s mostly because he did it once and now he hates the feeling of the stubble growing back. Although he's not the greatest at it so he still gets nicks and cuts. After the experience with the stick and poke tattoo, he never got another. There's a part of him that regrets it, but he'd never think to cover it up or get rid of it. When he's feeling low, he likes to admire it and think about all of his memories with his buddies.

Tom: 5'8 and fucking smug about it. He is BIPOC. He’s a bit anemic so it makes his skin appear paler than he actually is. His height spawns constant arguments with Tord over who's taller. And yes, there was one point where Tom and Tord tried to see who could make their hair taller than the other. Definitely has a beer gut. Also did I mention the happy trail~ ugh- I'm so weak. No ass to speak of tho. Back is built like a board, sadly. If you ask him to sit in your lap it will hurt, he's got a boney ass. However, he does have really nice thighs. Can we talk about his body modifications now? Okay thank God because- ugh! First of all, he had his tongue split, and he loves showing it off. Used to have his tongue pierced but he hated the feeling after a while. All of his other piercings? He has gauges, two other piercings along the shell of his ear, and snake bites. Actually, has a couple of tattoos as well as the old stick and poke one. He’s always down to go get a new one.

Tord: 5'6 and a half, 5'8 and a half with the haircut. Doesn't go out that often so he's pasty. Nowhere near Matt levels of pale, but it's noticeable. Before leaving the crew, he was actually pretty heavy set. Mans looked like the textbook definition of a weeb. However, when he returned, he was surprisingly lean. You can almost see a hint of muscles too. He’s got a gap between his two front teeth. Quite a bit harrier than Tom. Does not trim whatsoever. Never has never will. Nasty stinky man. Probably has ridiculously noticeable pit hair. Likely to get really cringy tattoos like anime girls from hentai. But it's okay pookie I forgive you. After the events of "The End" Tord's arm was ripped to shreds. So, he actually gets another tattoo done professionally on his opposite wrist. He quite literally just got a replica of their matching tattoo. Why you ask? I’m sentimental, okay?

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Eduardo: 5'10 and a half. The most likely to lie about his height and say is 6ft. He’s kind of a manlet and will make it your problem. His parents are Puerto Rican and he’s dark-skinned. Chubby, though he surprisingly doesn't have as much sugar in his diet. Unsurprisingly, Eduardo is actually rather hairy. No one knows why he's so damn hairy and can't grow a proper mustache. Has a little bit of an ass, though he does have really strong thighs. Probably the type to be able to crush a watermelon with them. Not much into body modifications, although he does have his mother's name tattooed on his shoulder blade. He’s high key a total momma’s boy. Used to have his ears pierced but they closed up long after high school.

Jon: 5'3. Doesn't actually care about his height. He surprisingly pretty built, despite his massive sweet tooth. Him and Mark actually go to the gym together. Though he's more into training his legs. Has the highest stamina of anyone. Mans could be a whole track star if he wanted to. Another member of the cute butt squad. I'd almost call it a bubble butt. Also, this guy doesn't know how to dress. Mother fucker would either wear cargo shorts and a polo top or maybe one if those obnoxious Hawaiian t-shirts. Someone please step in and help the guy, I am begging.

Mark: 6'3 and a half. Another frequent gym goer. Can bench press around 230 pounds easily. Although, he prefers to hide how ripped he is with turtlenecks. His hair is so blonde that it can be a little difficult to notice how hairy he is. For that reason, he surprisingly doesn't do much in the grooming department. Except for his eyebrows, he gets them threaded. Had a phase where he was really into vampires in high school, so he has a neck tattoo of a vampire bite. That's why he always wears the damn turtleneck. He has a love hate relationship with that damn tattoo. Absolutely mocks Jon's fashion choice as he always dresses up. Except at the gym, that's the only time he lets himself dress down when leaving the house.

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[raven1aris]

Ok, new Eddsworld au! The End never happened, Tord took over the world, Edd, Matt and Tom we're all forced to join the red army. Also, theres a small group of rebels, the Black Guard, that openly opposes the Reds. They aren't violent, nor do they hold protests. They just make it their life's mission to ruin the lives of the red army and cause all sorts of trouble by bending the rules, but not breaking them. Like the rule where you have to wear red, they wear just enough not to get arrested. The Guard is led by Nightshade, above, and every member of the Guard respects her and follows her loyally. She hates the reds because she feels their too controlling and shit. Nightshade: -every shirt she owns is grey or black and has been spray painted with the anti red army symbol or the slogan: "Black out the Red!" done in red -secretly is just trying to get the attention of Red Leader -is super smart and is totally a rebel -the vials on her belt are made of glass and filled with red paint that she throws at red soldiers to ruin their uniforms -has evil laughter down pat -will roast you -do not mess with, challenge, or insult. She will one up you Tord absolutely hates Nightshade because she likes to bother him the most. She also doesn't wear proper shoes and always socks, which drives Tord crazy as he has pet peeves about shoes and proper dress code. He doesn't know why he's so obsessed with trying to arrest her for literally anything, just that he is and that she annoys him. She has thrown paint at him on several occasions, several of which were in public, in front of his soldiers, and the best of all, during one of his speeches. He was so mad that he sent soldiers out to arrest her and Nightshade had to lay low for weeks. Her followers proceeded to cause havoc in her absence till Tord stopped trying to arrest her. The incidents of those weeks ranged from spray painting walls, businesses, people, cars, and all red soldiers the Guard could. Not to mention other forms of vandalism, done upon red army resources and property. Tord's favorite assistant, Tom, went missing as well for those weeks. As did his mug, and his chair, and Paul and Patryck, also his cigars, and maybe his custom made revolver. Which Nightshade may still be in possession of. Tord is still mad about that. One of the Guardsmen, Tobias Roy, may have dyed Tord's hair tips black. Though there's no proof of this but his word and the fact that Tord's hair is now shorter. Several spiders were released into the main red base and after having thoroughly scared poor Edd, Tord stopped trying to arrest Nightshade, much to the rejoice of the Black Guard and the relief of the reds as they could finally breathe safely. Until Nightshade spray painted several of them in their sleep. Who? Well, Edd, Matt, Tom, Patryck, Paul, and definitely Tord. He became a pirate for the day. Much to her amusement,he missed the fact that she also spray painted his army standard coat with the word: "asshat" in bold red and black, signed with a smiley face. In short he was pissed. And the Black Guard is the bane of the red army's existence.