#top priority is responding to messages😭😭

[sunattacksthemoon]

😟😟

[chaoticstateofaffairs]

@taliascluelessworld climbs in my bed, lays halfway on top of me and says, "You're that friend that when you text me or call me I put everyone on the back burner. And it would be more so if I only have a short time to message you and EVEN MORE if we were in a different time zone. I would only have a small amount of time to talk to you so you'd take priority."

I'm not gonna cry, you are 😭

She's always been special but I admit, I am like that with people as well, especially if they are in a different time zone.

If they are in a different time zone, I make sure I respond to them before anyone cause only a short amount of time to talk. ☹️🤷🏻‍♂️

Love you, Tally 😭

Knowing how to make me emotional when I don't wanna be, you ass. 😭

She also has ADHD like me, she'll say whatever is in her head and I have no damn clue why that was there lol

[wakanai]

My flaws ✨

(making this because i want to look back on it when im older)

im sure ill be much different in the future 😌

so let's begin discussing my flaws 😌

(tw: eds, body dysmorphia, long post)

overweight

bad sleep schedule (usually 2-4 hrs on weekdays)

bad eating habits (last week, I didn't eat except for dinner and I binged ate those dinners then on the weekends i binged all 3 meals cause i was idle)

being insecure about my faith even tho it's my belief system and is what keeps me going TT

not being open irl

having a hard time breaking the ice (i can do boring conversations like 'hi! how are you?' and am good at listening to other people but me being weird? interesting? making insane jokes and connecting instantly and sharing big laughs with people i just met? no TT TT i can be funny and insane w my close friends but i wish i wasn't so reserved and awkward around new people TT)

caring too much what other people think

not being pushy enough (the other day, I went up to a classmate and asked 'you're the board monitor right? can u put this on the board?' she denied it and stared straight into space without looking back at me. so I left and put it on the board myself. I'm quite sure she was lying though, she just didn't want to do it)

not setting my priorities straight (pls TT i would elaborate if it wasn't for my insecurity issues 😭)

I annoy my brother a lot but sometimes I think I go too far

I don't exercise on my own unless it's something I registered for TT

why the hell am I attracted to people who are good at manipulating others (maybe because i like someone who knows the tricks and doesn't get used by others 😂 and is just real as hell) <<< once had a convo w my popular, confident classmate. told him I used to be in the top 5 hated people in class cause people thought i was a 'show off' or had 'hero complex' cuz i kept suggesting ideas and raising my hand in class. he said "obv. you have to do it for the honors" and shared that even though he gets called a 'kiss up' for being friendly w the teachers, it helps him get good grades and advantages. he's rlly cool even tho i lowkey think he's manipulative lol (but he's kind too and i like him. rlly funny and makes sense why he's got lots of friends. i want to get his confidence so bad TT)

hmm what else? sometimes i cant control my facial expressions.

my mind goes blank during social interactions sometimes. someone will make a joke or comment and idk how to respond TT like my brain just goes ***loading*** - and yet im so witty when im w my close friends ugh

dense

will send a message confronting someone then be hesitant to open their response :)

procrastinator

not responsible enough

i want to get kunikida's discipline and dedication when it comes to working :)

that's all for now. might add more in future idk. but for now all i really want is to get the confidence to show my real self and actually make my priorities straight. *cough cough put God first *cough cough submit all those college applications *cough cough do my things correctly *cough cough interact w my classmates who i think are rlly cool but inferiority complex and stereotyping myself are getting in the way 😄

by stereotyping myself, i mean thinking of myself (sometimes) as the 'boring classmate' like ?? why do humans put themselves into a box? why can't they just do what they want? it's disgusting TT

it reminds me of the time in grade 8 where my friend said

"I'm surprised your friends with En"

"why?"

"I mean..you're so different. you're like the kind classmate and she's the...yk" (En is very loud, extroverted, can be unintentionally mean, 'popular' girl)

bruh i hate high school culture so much 😂 that's a rant for another day tho.

my current class is actually really great. senior culture is quite diff. im just not that confident and have to let myself out there more and stop putting myself in a box because that's not how humans work).

***

btw the pewdiepie picture i used is from this video lol

have a good day ig TT

<3