#top 5 i could deal with
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I love Jiang Cheng and I hope you agree. The most tragic thing about yunmeng siblings is that JC and WWX really love each other the whole time… I like to think they can fix it someday
Someday perhaps....in the meantime, I bet he's loving having dogs run around lotus pier. As a WWX deterrent of course. No therapeutic reasons at all.
#Poorly Drawn MDZS#MDZS#Jiang Cheng#As much as I put him on blast#I do like JC quite a bit.#Man....I'm sad you're on anon cause I'd love to talk more about the yunmeng sibiling tragedy#Part of me so badly wishes that they do reconcile after some time#though a good tragedy comes from the pain of what could have been#JC is definitely in my top 5 mdzs characters and its absolutely due to how messy he is#ngl I can kinda relate to where his hurt comes from and it makes it very interesting to analyze.#Favourism and antagonism of parents messes up sibling dynamics so much#The grief and trauma ended up causing a rift not a shared moment of solidarity#JC is a counter-representation and a foil to how LWJ deals with his grief#as heartbroken as LWJ is he...keeps his life going. The grief settles and he doesn't forget but he *moves forwards*#JC doesn't! He can't! He has so much guilt and regret and the grief stagnates him! Love and grief can become so terribly consuming!#He's so human for it! This is a story where no-one is morally black or white! *People* aren't black and white!
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laying down by a brook with one hand in the water like some kind of tragic prince , , , , , ,
#my break is now over and tomorrow resumes the final hell rush before the end of the semester#well i say break but in all honesty i spent 90% of it working or being so so scared for my car#i did get a little time to clean my room finally and turn into gelatinous ooze#though now i am The Slightest Bit Scared that i have gotten too oozelike and will not be able to fully reform into a functional being#in time to deal with The Horrors#(read: two intensely busy weeks on internship as i basically take over for my mentor all day)#(on top of the big portfolio assignment that my (project) partner Still Has Not Done Anything On)#like as long as i do my part i’ll get a B in the class no matter what but#aheem heem#my gpa that i worked so hard for….. i don’t want it to disappear…….#aaaaa it’s just hard to focus when i am so so tired and really just want like 5 solid days of No Thought Just Video Games And UTAU Dev#before getting back to my own big deadlines#i am looking at this document that i could probably write in 20 minutes but my brain is just. fried meat.#or more precisely i think i can get this done in an hour but Everything Else This Week?#i think i would have an easier time chewing shoe leather than getting my brain to do it all#if it weren’t for the fact that i would Literally go broke if i did not finish all this next semester#i would be soso tempted to take another semester off#only this time for my mental health………….
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Done complaining sorry I've had a shitty past couple days lmfao
#broke (?) my toe i also hit ny knee on ny couch which we all know means I have. a huge bump on my knee and it hurt to walk cause y'know#why would my knees respond normally to the littlest contact#been doing pretty much nothing but schoolwork the past 4-5 days i took like one break to play smash bros#and whenever i have to do something else besides schoolwork of course it doesnygo well#it's been fun#i'm really upset about the shirt i know it's hust a shirt but just. for reference#i was really excited for the shirt and it's like my only momento from my first Miku concert dhdhdbdf#and going to a vocaloid concert was like a HUGE childhood dream and bucket list item for me it's a big deal#and i sent it home so i could wear it for the concert and garuntee it was there and didn't get stuck at school if it came late#and my mom lost it. like genuinely we all thought she accidentally threw it out cause she had thrown out some empty packages while cleaning#and she was CONVINCED she had thrown it out#so flash forward a bit and my mom is packing some stuff to move and she finds the package! so i actually just finally got this shirt like.#a week ago#and it's like my favorite shirt it's big and comfy and really cute and it has all the cryptonloids on it it's perfect!#like Miku and Kaito are on the top and they're my favorites and it's perfect it's great!#and i have had many issues with my laundry this year and my living situation in general#so for the first time of me ever washing this shirt. and probably the last time of me doing laundry this semester#for that shirt specifically to get ruined???#after i specifically put it with clothes i knew wouldn't ruin it#so my guess is that someone put something in the dryer that shouldn't have been in there and it left a residue that i cannot stress enough#ONLY GOT ON THIS SPECIFIC ARTLE OF CLOTHING#kind of fucking sucks!
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#i KNOW my mental health is down the drain because i woke up panicking at 4:30am for seemingly no good reason#and that was half an hour ago and i still can't go back to sleep#and i've been feeling exhausted and on the edge about switching from this dual deal of education and job training#to a full time 8 to 5 deal#for the past 2 months#kept saying that i need a break soon or i'm gonna burn out but also kept pushing myself through daily sensory overload because#i kept telling myself that there are only a couple few weeks left of this and i can do it#and now there's exactly one week left of it all until i finally get a month off and i need to do my best to keep myself from tossing it all#out the window#because i'm worried about not being able to keep up with a full time job i now signed a three year contract for#considering this half time deal already took everything out of me#it's super frustrating because for a while there i really thought i'm on top of my shit but now i'm showing symptoms of an impending#mental breakdown and i have a month to get all of this under control somehow or i'm gonna blow my chance at a job i've been working my ass#off for the past six months to a) get it in the first place and b) earn important certificates for it#and a month is just not enough to get an appointment with a counselor who i can talk to about this#and once i'm working i'll hardly have any time left for appointments considering the insane amount of time i'll be spending commuting#to work every day because i didn't yet receive the bonus payment towards a car i was promised for my efforts here#genuinely wish i had someone i could rely on during times like these but i am basically providing for my entire environment and i just#gotta keep going somehow idk#rant#gonna try to get another half an hour of sleep in now i guess
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the more time passes the more it's obvious why I'm shit at expressing emotions and why I loathe doing it openly and it's a damned shame neither of my damned parents reads fantasy because maybe if i told them the more you are like this the more i end up like stannis baratheon's reincarnation if the damage isn't done already they'd get the fucking point
#i'm so fucking tired that every single time i have to express not feeling great/up to par/on top of things#it becomes YOU WANT TO BE A VICTIM AND BLAME OTHER PEOPLE FOR IT#jfc i want to rest#i've spent three years coped there with them with first row seat to parent one becoming completely paranoid but okay#and that's not even 5% of the problem#i'm too tired to stand i'm doing two jobs at once one of which is draining af#neither of them is even netting me immediate money#i've worked sundays for a whole damned month and a half#they have zero idea of half of the shit i'm dealing with#bc the mOMENT you talk about your feelings it's C H I L D I S H#and then 'why didn't you talk about x before'#idk didn't wanna get told it was my fault and i had to man up maybe#and like my father has a half excuse i'm not disclosing bc his business#and it's like what i suspect not anything anyone said out loud#but god my mother could fucking get a hint#yeah let's go to therapy for years so that every single time i patch a hole in the ship#CANNONBALL FROM THE OTHER SIDE HAPPENS#and it's worse all over again#meanwhile my stomach has been closed up since an hour and i can't even stand up#and then i feel like i shouldn't complain until i manage to move out#i just want to go in a forest for six months and stop being perceived tbh#i hope i don't regret posting these tags but jfc#At YoUr AgE I hAd A jOb AnD a BaBy#yeah okay sorry i'm not you#there's a fucking reason i'm never gonna have children it would wreck me and i know it#but since YOU did it then everyone can
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I'm dying that one mcr song in my top 5 🤣🤣
Dunno if I'm even counting all the cult of the lamb music because it's kinda just my background music when I do basically anything around my home and I also play it in the car with my coworkers a lot soo...
The (next part of this) playlist as a whole is very correct tho.
#yes i pay for spoofy#as a person who cannot deal with silence of any kind it saves my life#rammstein got pushed down to 4th place after being at the top of my list for 2 yrs#the fact that my top 5 songs were just cotl and a single mcr song kills me#got VERY into a lot of older music i haven't listened to in a long time#mcr and soad got played a LOT this yr#surprised to see a bunch of music i found near the end of the yr on here#could you tell i cared abt eurovision this year?#listen to more video game music y'all is good stuff#spotify wrapped#spotify wrap 2023#river boy#cult of the lamb#mcr#system of a down#rammstein#gorillaz#listened to plastic beach so much this yr
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I built a Zenos shrine in my house
normal behavior
#definitely going to add more like. candles or flowers to fill in some empty space in the room#which I must add is hidden behind a fake bookshelf in my basement#really wish I could dye that bit of white at the top but oh well :(#anyway yeah I spent 5 real world dollars on that poster what about it#look. it has zenos /and/ gaius on it. that's like. 2.50 a husband#what a deal
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Tags ...again; lol.
do i ship these characters or do i want them to form a sketch comedy duo
#XD#I think of the missed opportunities of Loki & Peter Quill meeting in particular in this way all the time when it comes to the MCU#and Tony Stark#srsly; with sass machine tony.. both were obsessed/haunted readying up for Thanos:#Tony eventually managing to go apeshit enough about it to both pull Ultron out of the mind stone & get the accords going after as a puller#while Quill just.. well the dude & his company was (just like Loki) smack dab in the middle of all that right out the door#the contrast in their personalities and their similarities would have played off eachother really well past the top of the tower#I often think Tony probably realized some of that & the answers to the questions in his threats late after Lo faking his death probably ->#helped along his manic decision making.. after all: at the time the one guy who could have told them either way or helped them prep was dea#if dead means unknowingly to Tony taking the throne for 5 years and separating every single stone that popped up in his reach#with Odin's face and no credit for it other than a couple of often forgotten side comments from Thor in Infinity War#unfortunately for us we never got either on screen#mostly because Taika made a big deal of keeping his promise to screw over every major character in Gagnarok & the continuity#..leaving the russos to either waste screen time to fix that through retcons; or kill 1 of them off in the most obviously ridiculous way#they chose option 2: and I can't really blame them for that: as much as I still hate it#Taika 'Jenga Block' Waititi started the crap-snowball of the MCU's eventual roll downhill into the toilet#just sayin#and yes I do wish they had the balls to do more than loudly bite their thumbs at him; and the gen fans that handed JengaBoy money for it#studio probably played a big part in that tho lets be honest
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#group work is the actual devil what the fuck#tell me why im the only bitch in this group of FIVE to have my section done before the literal day before its due#and i had it fully referenced w footnotes in the correct format#these bitches finally paste in their shitty ass sections of the question and are then like#'oh no we went over the word count'#WELL MAYBE IF YOUD DONE IT EARLIER U COULD HAVE EDITED IT TO GET IT LOWER.#anyway their strategy for dealing with being over the word count#WAS TO DELETE MY FOOTNOTES#AND NONE OF THEM BOTHERED WITH REFERENCING#SO THE ENTIRE BODY OF WORK IS NOW COMPLETELY UNREFERENCED#if we get pulled in front of those plagiarism trial things im kmsing#u know i have always half assed academics but i rlly thought fkn law school at a top 5 uni wld maybe be full of people who didnt do that#instead im dealing w people who dont even half ass. not a singular ass cheek of effort.#is this karma?? karma for my sins?#nyxi cant stfu
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Shy
Pairing: Logan Howlett x Reader
Warnings: swearing, suggestive content
Summary: you have a crush on a certain co-worker but are too shy to tell him. so someone does it for you.
Word count: 2.6k
A/N: THIS WAS A REQUEST BUT WHEN I TRIED TO REPLY TO IT IT DIDNT LET ME AND DELETED IT INSTEAD (also jean is a meddling little shit in this and u just gotta accept that)
You watched him from across the hall greedily, eyes drinking in his panting form, the sweat coating his chest and back, the strained muscles underneath his wife beater tank top. Logan was a sight for sore eyes on a normal day, but when he was working out? He had you practically rabid for him.
You were sitting on one of the benches, a forgotten book in your hand you hadn’t glanced at in ages, preferring to treat yourself to the image of Logan Howlett hot and sweaty while working out. There were a few other X-men exercising alongside him, and others on the bench with you hanging out so you weren’t too out of place, but everyone could see the way you looked at Logan.
Everyone but Logan himself.
You’d joined the team a few months ago- 5 to be exact- after whispers had gotten to you of a safe space for mutants. Having hidden your true genetic code from everyone else in your life, you jumped at the chance of not having to hide anymore. With your unique skill set too- the ability to formulate and present illusions- you were an exceptional addition to both the X-men and the teaching staff.
You thrived at the X mansion. The kids loved you, you got along well with your fellow teammates, and you had suggested and helped act on several improvements to both the school and the team. You were a good addition, and the other mutants were grateful to have you there.
You’d just had one problem when acclimating to the school. Your teeny, tiny, incredibly small crush on your fellow professor, Logan Howlett. At first you really had thought it would be no big deal. Just a co-worker you had noticed was slightly attractive. That’s all. Other mutants had told you he was hard to talk to, and had a gruff, moody personality, so you’d thought the attraction would soon fade.
Unfortunately it had only grown. The first time you’d realised, shit, this might actually be a problem, was when you’d gone to get a glass of water in the middle of the night and found Logan leaning against the kitchen counter, shirtless, with a beer in hand.
You’d been so flustered, eyes continuously betraying you and straying to his chest that you’d blurted out the first thing that came to your head, “how’d you get beer in here?”
Logan had chuckled, observing you as he brought the beer bottle to his mouth for a sip. “Why? Want some Sweetheart?”
You’d felt heat rise to your face at the nickname, shaking your head. “No, I was just curious.”
Logan stared at you a second longer, eyes trailing your figure appreciatively before shrugging. “Your loss. And unfortunately I can't tell you how I got it. Gotta keep it a secret lest Xavier finds out.”
You were too flustered to argue so you’d just nodded, mumbled a quick goodbye, and quickly walked back to your bedroom. You hadn’t even gotten your glass of water.
There had been other similar instances over the past few months. Logan just had a way to get under your skin, to cause your heart to go into cardiac arrest every time he looked at you, which made it hard to conceal your ever growing crush on him from literally everyone. Even your students knew about it, or at least had their suspicions, and you prayed they were too intimidated by Logan to ask him any questions about it. The last thing you needed was to get humiliated and have to pack up all your things and leave the home you had just created for yourself because you could no longer look any of your co-workers or students in the eyes again.
Especially Logan.
Things had escalated until you could barely look Logan in the eye anymore, and actively avoided him at all costs. The last thing you wanted to do was embarrass yourself in front of him, and though it was unpleasant you’d decided the best course of action was just to steer clear of him altogether.
Still, you allowed yourself some enjoyment, like watching Logan workout from afar while in a room full of people. The onlookers weren’t the best, but it was better than being alone with him when who knows what would happen.
“Like what you see?”
Storm’s voice dragged you out of your ogling, and you turned to her with a sheepish expression. “Maybe.”
She gave you a knowing look, raising her eyebrows. You ignored it, because you’d heard her suggestions many times before and found they didn’t align with your own interests.
“Go and tell him how you feel.”
And embarrass yourself when he inevitably rejects you? No thanks. You were more comfortable with keeping your feelings suppressed, continuously shoving them down, building a brick wall between them and you, to permanently keep them out. Yet for every single brick you added somewhere below you could feel three more being punched out, slowly destroying your barricades bit by bit.
Your eyes strayed back to Logan, like they always did, yet surprise striked you when you couldn’t find him. Your eyes scanned the room like a man on a mission, only to realise too late Logan was heading towards you, a towel in his sweaty grip.
He greeted Storm with a nod before his gaze zeroed in on you, and you mentally added another brick to your shield, determined to keep him out this time.
“Y/n,” he greeted, eyes never straying from your face.
You looked down, fidgeting with your hands. “Logan,” and, because you were incredibly weak willed- “did you have a good workout?”
You swear as you looked back up at him you saw the remnants of a smile on his face, but it was gone in the blink of an eye so you couldn’t be completely sure. You don’t think Logan had ever smiled at you, and you felt the bricks within you start to wobble.
“It was alright,” he said curtly, ever the man of few words. He lingered though, as if debating to say something, when it came out anyway. “I’d like it if you joined us next time.”
You felt your heartbeat increase. You felt the jump and the rapid incline as you processed what he said, your mind swimming.
“Me? But I just do illusions… I don’t have a fight worthy mutation.”
“Which is exactly why you should workout. Build your strength so you don’t need to rely on others and can trust your own body to do the job, regardless of mutations.”
It was the most you think Logan had ever spoken to you all at once, and you were suddenly feeling very dizzy. Logan wanted you to workout with him, to spend time with him. Could you imagine? Standing alongside him while he panted. Sparring and ending up underneath him, his entire body weight crushing you between him. It was almost too much to think about.
You cleared your throat, trying to clear your mind of unhelpful distractions, and found your eyes glued to Logan as he brought the towel to wipe the sweat from his throat, his muscles straining right in front you as he reached behind the back of his neck, wiping the sheen of sweat from his body.
You were staring, you knew that, but you just couldn’t find it in you to look away. It was a godly sight, Logan in front of you, sweaty and staring right at you. How were you supposed to look away?
“Uhm,” you mumbled when Storm stepped on your foot. If she’d noticed your ogling Logan certainly must have, and you felt heat rise to your face at the thought. “Yeah, maybe. I’ll think about it.”
Logan looked at you again, really looked at you, before nodding, slinging the towel over a shoulder. “I hope to see you there.”
And with that he walked away, and you felt the bricks tumbling, clattering away inside you, and you could do nothing to stop it until you felt bare and vulnerable, watching the man walk away with the realisation this might be more than just a silly crush.
You couldn’t let that happen. Couldn’t let yourself go too far, even though you could already feel yourself falling. You needed stronger defences, more barricades and walls. And if that meant more space between you and Logan, more avoiding and distance, well, you’d do it. You couldn’ let yourself go past the point of no return with him. You couldn’t.
Your avoidance of Logan had continued ten-fold. Whenever he entered a room you would exit. You would no longer spend time watching him workout or teach or do anything, really. You stayed as isolated from him as possible, and when you couldn’t you stayed silent, eyes fixed ahead of you rather than on him.
Others had noticed. You heard the rumours, whispers of a fight, a break up that occurred between the two of you. It was laughable, the idea that you and Logan had ever been together in the first place.
It was working though, or so you thought. You could feel your shields and barricades strengthening each day, and you continued to build them higher and higher, in the hopes you would eventually not need to avoid Logan, for he would no longer have any effect on you.
Until then you were determined to avoid Logan and spend as little time with him as possible. Unfortunately Logan did not share that sentiment.
You’d just finished up a class, instructing your students to have their homework prepared for next lesson and watched them all file out the door when Logan entered. It was so unexpected you hadn’t a chance to leave before he was upon you, his figure towering over your frame. His arms were crossed and he watched you with a frown on his face, yet you weren’t afraid of it anymore. Sure, you had been originally, but soon you’d discovered behind the frown was usually no ill intent, so you weren’t nervous.
Well you were, extremely so, but not about that.
“Oh, Logan,” you managed, swallowing thickly. “What are you doing here?”
Logan crossed his arms. “We need to talk.”
You winced. “We do?”
He let out an aggravated huff. “LIsten, I don’t know what I did to make you so pissed at me but it can’t be this bad-”
You interrupted him, confused. “Wait, what?”
He sent you a look. “You. Being mad at me. I don’t know why.”
“I’m not mad at you.”
Logan paused, looking at you with a scrutinising gaze. “Yes you are.”
You scoffed at him wrongly telling you how you felt. “No, I’m not.”
“So why are you ignoring me? And don’t say you haven't-” Logan said, noticing you’d opened your mouth to defend yourself. “I know you are. You have been avoiding me for weeks, and if you’re not angry at me I can see no other fathomable reason for why you’re acting like I have the plague.”
I frowned. “You noticed that?”
Logan scoffed. “Of course I noticed it. You don’t even come to training anymore, not even to watch like you used to. Why?”
You shifted uncomfortably on your feet. You obviously couldn’t tell him the real reason, otherwise all the hard work you’d done would be for nothing because you’d end up humiliated and rejected anyway, but you knew Logan could tell when someone was lying from their pulse spiking, and yours certainly would if you lied about this.
You grappled for something to say, anything, to shake him off your trail. “I have to prepare for another class-”
“You’re not preparing for shit until you tell me what’s wrong,” Logan practically growled. “I can stay here all day Bub.”
Well shit. You didn’t really have another choice. You were going to have to tell him about your feelings for him. Literally anything else would have been better. Anything else.
At that exact moment Jean walked into your classroom and relief bloomed in your chest. You were saved, you were safe. You could use Jean as an excuse and-
“She was avoiding you because she has the hots for you, Logan. Something every single person in this school knows except you.”
Well, not anything else apparently.
Logan let out a noise of surprise and looked at you, but your eyes were glued to Jean, horror and betrayal painted on your face. She mouthed ‘your welcome’ and left. What the fuck? Was that the only reason she entered, to butt into your private conversation?
“Y/n. Was what Jean said true?”
You opened your mouth and then closed it, looking like something akin to a gaping fish. “Define truth.”
Logan narrowed his eyes at you, not at all amused, and his silence forced you to continue.
You sighed, preparing yourself for the inevitable heartbreak to come. “Yes, it’s true, alright, but I never intended to act on it and I won’t act on it so you’re fine-”
“Who said I didn’t want you to act on it?”
You started. “W-what?”
Logan took another step until your chest was suddenly pressed against his. “Did I stutter?”
You felt like you were going to stutter if you said anything, so you sort of just… stood there. Waiting. For what exactly, you weren’t sure. Some clarity maybe?
Certainly not Logan grabbing you by the waist and kissing you, so firm and confident you couldn’t help but melt into his embrace. His hands were grabbing your waist, finding the dips in your curves and squeezing there, grabbing them and tugging you towards him.
His lips dragged across yours, adding an air of desperation to the kiss. You couldn’t help but bring your hand up to cup his cheek, thumb stroking his bearded jaw as he kissed you deeper, seeming for all the world like he was never going to stop. You were powerless to stop it, and you found you didn’t even want to. Your walls were crumbling and you gladly let them if it meant you could continue kissing this man.
Logan hefted you up onto your desk and you let out a gasp, muffled by Logan’s lips. He smiled into the kiss anyway, amused by your surprise, and placed his hands on your knees to part them so he could get between your legs.
You immediately wrapped your legs around his waist, something he liked if the pleased grunt from his throat was anything to go by. His kissing became more fevoured, like he wanted to devour you, and you gladly let yourself drown in him.
That was until the school bell rang, startling you both out of the kiss. Or rather, just you, because Logan seemed content to move to your neck when your lips stopped responding.
“Logan,” you murmured. “I have a class to teach.”
Logan made an angry grunt and continued placing open mouthed kisses to your collarbone. You laughed and gently pushed him away, causing the man to growl and look at you with such irritation you’d think you interrupted his wedding or something.
“I’m busy here,” Logan said.
You had to physically swallow the breathless sigh threatening to escape your lips, instead saying, “we can continue this later.”
“We will continue this later.”
You smiled, almost shyly, which was ironic considering he was still between your legs. “Yeah?”
Logan moved forward so he could whisper into your ear. “Now that I have you Bub, I ain’t ever letting go.”
He pulled back and your smile widened, making a mental note to thank Jean when you next saw her. “I can live with that.”
#logan howlett x reader#logan howlett fanfiction#logan howlett#x men#x men fanfiction#x men x reader#x reader#james howlett#james howlett x reader#wolverine#wolverine x reader#jean grey
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i don't urgently need the primos on main. but i'll continue grinding primos on there anyway because quite frankly, i still enjoy it more than my alt
#⇢₊˚⊹ 🩷∥ruby∥yo,ide yo !!#even though my alt could definitely benefit from having big dong zhong#i just... ugh. idk what it is about my alt. i just don't enjoy it as much#even though i have all the same characters that i personally consider essential on both#and hell,alt lyney actually has 4pc marechaussee and his signature weapon so he's already much better off than main lyney#i even took the plunge and let my alt be world lvl 8 and i'm not having any major issues#but somehow... everything on my alt feels like it does less damage than my main#alt chong definitely doesn't do 50k melts#i know all the factors behind his lackluster damage. i've overcome them before on main. but i just...#maining a 4 star is hard. yeah i'm gonna complain. for my main chong to deal the damage he does i had to:#1) triple crown him; 2) crown bennett's burst; 3) crown kazuha's burst#4) send copious amounts of resin down the drain in the blizzard strayer domain;#5) figure out that he needed em so i replaced his atk sands with an em sands;#6) cry tears of joy over finally getting a 5 star cryo dmg goblet from the vv domain#and it still doesn't have any crit damage#and on top of all that i had to fully kit out bennett with aquila favonia + noblesse and kazuha with all the em i could possibly get#my alt has mona so THEORETICALLY his damage ceiling could be higher than main chong because he currently doesn't have a 3rd support#i just kinda throw in whoever i need at any given moment. usually pyro for the pyro resonance atk buff#but i'm just. so tired,honestly. triple crowning chong on main was fucking exhausting,and on the alt it's no different#it doesn't help that i'm always broke on the alt so i have to do mora leylines when i could've spent that resin on way more useful things#my alt is just underwhelming compared to my main honestly...#i guess part of it is also that i don't have a solid team to fall back on when content gets too annoying for dps chong#on main it's cyno hyperbloom. i'm trying to replicate a cheaper version of that with razor#but the team just isn't built yet so i still don't have that safety net#and i don't know how the hell i'm gonna fight apep on the alt. i don't know if razor hyperbloom can do it even once the team /is/ built#lyney's gonna be stuck at talent level 6 for a hecking while if i don't come up with a solution#oh riiiiiiiiiight. shatter chong. in which i team him up with xingqiu and layla instead of double pyro#that team's gonna need all the food buffs everytime tho cuz jesus christ the damage is bad
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awake again but mostly just bemoaning my fate of being sick (cruel) (evil) (mean to me)
#please god oh god i only have until late january before round 2 of my internship starts#at this rate if it really is covid and i end up being as sick as i was last time#i'm going to miss out on holiday plans with folks + the aquarium trip + doing our silly little christmas light viewing . . . . .#on top of ! ! ! ! ! missing out on nearly two weeks of work time ! ! ! ! ! ! fuckin rude ! ! ! ! ! ! !#like . . . . the only solace i have is comparing my symptom docs from this time and last time side by side#today i'm like. a solid 5/10 and mostly just dealing with the cough + a headache that comes and goes.#meanwhile last time i was like. operating at a 2/10 max and was literally in a state where all i could do is lay against the wall#and moan every time my body had to move (coughing / swallowing / shifting position)#so maybe (KNOCKS LOUDLY ON WOOD KNOCKS LOUDLY ON WOOD) it's just a cold and i'll be okay#blease . . . . . blease let me be okay . . . . . . .
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CEO Bucky takes his anger out on his secretary (ft smut)
Imagine CEO!Bucky accidently taking his anger out on his already stressed out secretary. He gets mean and you will deal with it because I wanted this angst turned smut to go from chest itching to stomach fluttering.
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Your stomach twisted in knots looking at the pile of papers you had stacked on your desk, the phone still ringing while new messages popped up in your email inbox every 5 minutes. The files had to be organized by the next meeting and the number on the phone display was one you couldn’t ignore. The back to back messages were from various investors, each person insisting they were a priority over the others. You kept the receiver between your ear and shoulder, your hands flying around your desk madly between papers and tapping your keyboard.
You quickly added a few more meetings to the calendar before hurrying to your bosses office to remind him of one he had later that afternoon. You hesitated before knocking at the door, the closed doors indicating he was busy, but you knew he’d want a heads up about the meeting.
��Mr. Barnes, you have a meeting with Stark Enterprises at 3:30-
“Didn’t I tell you to move this meeting to next week?” Bucky snapped, blue eyes glaring at you while you blinked in confusion. “Well?”
“N-no” You shook your head, you’d never missed an email before and you’d always been on top of scheduling changes on time. Bucky mumbled something under his breath before waving you off, the shrill sound of his phone going off.
“Barnes” Bucky grunted, answering the phone without looking back at you, leaving to you scramble away and figure out if you could rearrange the date with Tony Stark.
Which was a mess in itself.
You had to argue back and forth, pleading to no end for a different day with Starks assistant only reluctantly agreeing after nearly half an hour.
“You really should be more responsible, can’t believe Barnes has the likes of you working under him” the woman on the phone clicked her tongue before slamming down the receiver, cutting the call. You sighed, taking in a deep breath to calm the tightness you felt in your throat, you didn’t have time to break down now.
You printed the up coming contracts for Bucky to sign, organizing them by name and highlighting the places he had to sign so he didn’t have to bother finding the space for signatures. You scurried back into his office, dreading the tense click of his jaw, your nerves increasing even more.
“Sir, these are your papers-” You stumbled over the corner of the rug, scattering the papers onto the floor, your heart hammering out of your chest when you saw Bucky irritatedly run his fingers through his hair.
“For fucks sake, y/n, I’m already stressed, don’t screw more shit up!” He growled, eyes hardening at the sight of the papers strewn across the floor of his office while you stayed frozen on the spot. Your eyes glossed over, quickly scrambling to the floor to grab the documents, mumbling apologies over and over again, hoping none of your tears stained the paper. The sight of tears streaking down your face broke Bucky out of his frustrated state, instantly regretting the tone he’d used with you.
“Fuck” Bucky cursed under his breath, getting out of his chair to help you but you’d already managed to pick everything up, immediately trying to scramble away.
“Y/n”
You didn’t stop, unable to take more of Bucky’s wrath, continuing to hurry towards the door, desperately trying to hold down your sniffles and aggressively wiping your cheeks.
“Y/n”
Bucky sighed, gently reaching out to grab your arm and pulling you to face him, his feeling even worse when you kept your eyes trained on the floor, your arms wrapped around yourself.
“I’m sorry, p-please d-on’t yell” You choked out, still trying to hold your composure together, fighting the way your body wanted to break down into sobs
“It’s okay. I’m sorry, I’m sorry” his heart broke seeing the tears collecting in your lash line, his thumb swiping away the ones that spilled out. “M’sorry baby” he wasn’t sure where the pet name came from but he couldn’t help it, letting it naturally roll off his tongue. You were still rigid, refusing to look at him, nearly flinching when he pulled you closer, tilting your chin up to meet his steel blues.
“Look at me” He spoke softly now, as if he were trying to coax a small animal out of hiding, his touch gentle, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled at you”
“It’s okay” you shrugged, slipping out of his hold, quickly wiping your face and going back to work as if nothing had happened. Even though he’d apologized, his words rang through your mind for the rest of the day.
In fact, they stuck with you through the entire week.
Bucky hated the way you didn’t even look at him anymore. He missed your soft good mornings and shy smile whenever he walked into his office. Now all you did was keep your head down, freezing in fear as soon as you heard his footsteps. And it was all his fault.
He despised that he made you feel scared of him, his own anger being the cause of upsetting you when you had been nothing but sweet from the day he’d met you. You were also the best he’d ever had; no one else had ever come close to how brilliantly you worked; you never missed anything. He nearly spat out the coffee that was placed on his table, missing the perfect cup you made for him every morning.
You only spoke 1-2 words, retreating from his office as soon as you got what you needed, your eyes always trained on the floor, looking away from him. He couldn’t take it anymore, feeling more guilty each day; he couldn’t go on any longer without your sweetness.
You blinked at the baby pink roses that sat in a basket on your desk along with a little bear placed on top, a small hand made I’m Sorry heart sitting in its furry hands, clearly in Bucky’s handwriting. You traced over the soft teddy holding it in your hands before going to his office. Before you could say anything, Bucky was up and out of his seat, desperately hoping you’d hear him out.
“M’sorry y/n” His soft eyes were filled with sadness and regret as he reached out to hold your hands in his, not wanting you to run off again, “I’m so sorry angel, there’s no excuse, I shouldn’t have yelled at you”
“It’s fine” You whispered, still avoiding his gaze.
“Hey, it’s not fine” Bucky shook his head, cupping your face to make you look at him, “It’s not baby, I shouldn’t have ever treated you that way. You do everything for me, I shouldn’t have taken out my anger on you”
“I shouldn’t have messed u-
“Don’t, absolutely not. You never do sweets, it was me who messed up. Never you. Will you forgive me, doll?” Bucky nervously bit his lip while you gave him a small nod, that adorable shy smile he loved so much making its way to your lips.
“God, I missed this” He whispered, his thumb tracing over your lips, chuckling at the tiny confused pout you gave him after.
“What did you miss”
“This little smile you always have whenever you’re around me” Bucky smirked at the way you grew more bashful, doe eyes darting about, “Do you have any idea how much I love when you look at me like that?”
“Mr-Mr. Barnes” Your breath hitched in your throat as his hands slowly moved to hold your waist, pulling you closer. Your hands made their way to his chest to ground yourself, forgetting how to breathe as he pressed his lips against yours. It started off soft and slow; his sweet tongue turning sinful as he walked over to his chair, pulling you to straddle him without breaking apart once. You let out a needy whimper feeling him harden under you though Bucky was still focused on kissing your soft skin, his lips fluttering across every inch.
You’d never been this close to Bucky before, the intoxicating scent of his cologne making your heart race, his calloused large hands roaming your body. You hadn’t even realized you were grinding down on his thick bulge until he let out a groan, stilling your hips.
“Keep that up bunny and you’ll make me cum in my pants like a little boy” Bucky let out a strained chuckle, using every bit of his self restraint not to tear your clothes off.
“Please?” You wiggled against him again, needing to be closer, Bucky’s resolve slowly crumbling. How could he hold back when you were practically humping your soaked needy cunt right on his erection.
“Please what, sweets”
“Need you Sir” your voice had melted in a whine and that was all it took. The sound of his belt buckle hitting the floor caused more arousal to dampen your panties, nearly drooling at the sight of his cock as he pulled it out.
“Are-are you sure?” He checked with you once more, not wasting a second ripping your blouse off as soon as you nodded. He threw your bra off next before lifting your skirt up and pulling your panties to the, rubbing his fingers through your folds.
“Sir, pleasee”
“I got you, I got you baby. Wanted to make love for our first time angel, give you a bed with rose petals n’ champagne over ice” He whispered, recounting every fantasy he’d thought of from the day he’d met you, “Wanted to make you feel good baby, throw your legs over my shoulders and nurse off this little clit”
He rubbed your sensitive bundle of nerves, continuing.
“N’ then you’d be my sweet pillow princess. I’d let you lie down all night while I fuck your soul angel. I’d give you my cum all night, pump you full of my cream”
“Need you now” You whimpered, clutching onto the lapels of his blazer, not that you didn’t want everything he was telling you but you couldn't wait.
“Alright baby, c’mere” He pulled you closer, your bare chest pressed against his as he rubbed his swollen cockhead to gather your slick before breeching your tight hole, his hips gently pushing up till he was buried to the hilt, “That’s it, shhh take all of me”
Bucky gave you a second to adjust to his size, his wide hands splayed across your body to hold you in place as he began to thrust up. You gasped in pleasure, your voice melting into a moan as he picked you up and placed you on his desk, pushing your thighs to hit your chest, hitting an even deeper angel.
“OH GOD-MR-BARNES” You wailed as he fucked you harder, his heard thrown back, tie loosened, tightening the grip he had on your legs, keeping you spread out wide open. He groaned at the sight of his thick cock disappearing in and out of you while you moaned and sobbed on his desk, taking everything he gave you.
“That’s right baby, say my name, let everyone know who makes you feel this good” He grunted through gritted teeth, holding off his orgasm while bringing his thumb to rub your clit again.
“I-I’m gonna-OH-GOD-PLEASEE
“Fuck you sound perfect” Bucky moaned feeling you choke his length, fluttering and pulling him deeper as your orgasm washed over you, his own release dangerously close. “God you feel so fuckin’ good when you cum baby. One more angel, just one more” Bucky practically pleaded with you, speeding up his fingers till he saw your eyes roll back, silent screams leaving your mouth as your juices soaked his balls.
“Fuck m’cumming so hard for you baby” He groaned, giving you a few more sloppy thrusts before stilling and spilling ropes of cum into you. He kept his cock inside while bending down to pick you up and sit back in his chair again. He sat with you for a while, petting your hair and kissing you, whispering sweet nothings.
“Ready to go?” He whispered, looking down to see if you’d fallen asleep while you snuggled into him with your eyes closed.
“Too tired sir” You pouted, nuzzling into his chest, refusing to move, your body too fucked out to even stand.
“I got you baby” Bucky smiled, shrugging off his blazer and wrapping you up before carrying you away in his arms, ready to take you home, right where you belonged “Gonna make love to my pretty girl”
#bucky barnes angst#bucky barnes#bucky barnes smut#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x reader smut#bucky x you#bucky x smut#bucky x y/n#bucky x reader#bucky x Female Reader#bucky x f!reader#bucky x fluff#James Buchanan Bucky Barnes#james bucky buchanan barnes#james bucky barnes#james buchanan barnes#ceo bucky#ceo!bucky#ceo bucky barnes#ceo bucky smut#ceo bucky barnes smut#ceo bucky x secretary reader#bucky x secretary#bucky barnes imagine#bucky imagine#bucky fanfic#bucky fan fiction#bucky fan fic#bucky barnes fanfiction
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(vent in tags)
#vent#so i become a legal adult here in the next 2 weeks but. my god. i've actually never felt so empty. is there a reason for this?#my parents are extreme conspiracy theorists (especially my dad) and my brother and i never really got to experience anything except#for dealing with our parents toxic relationship and my dad constantly spouting out conspiracy theories. since everything was always 'bad'#in some way or another. we were basically forbid from going out and experiencing life as kids or teens so. ig i just felt like i never#enjoyed anything in my childhood. like there was nothing happy about it that i can think off the top of my head and i'm just blaming it on#my father being so insanely paranoid and enraged that he never let his children experience anything ever. i'm just so angry it actually#shocks me because i'm not an angry person. like i haven't felt anger like this in about 5 or 6 years. it's just. i didn't have the chance t#be a child and teen and live out my youth and have fun and be carefree. but i couldn't because of my father's anger and paranoia and him an#my mom's toxic and dysfunctional relationship. my social skills are absolute shit and i don't know what a healthy relationship with any#human being feels like. even worse- anything outside of what feels familiar (toxicity) feels wrong. fuck.#i feel so bad writing a vent like this because i'm a positivity blog so i'm so terribly sorry for bringing my problems to y'all like this.#but i guess i could use some advice to feel less empty and angry and jealous and bitter. shit.
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ANIMALS- L. HOWLETT
Pairing: Boyfriend!Logan x Fem!Reader
Word Count: 636 (quick drabble lol)
Summary: You and Logan play a game of hide and seek while you have the manor to yourselves…
Warnings: Smut implied, fingering, daddy kink, praise kink, a little degrading, size kink, Logan being a dommmm, priminalish? Logan, swearing, teasing, grinding etc
“baby i’m prayin on you tonight, hunt you down and chew alive just like animals, animals like animals… baby you think that you can hide, i can smell your scent for miles…”- animals, maroon 5
You counted your breaths, trying to steady them. A quick, sharp inhale.
One, two, three, four. Out.
You gripped the bannister of the oak headboard, squeezing yourself in a corner by the back of the bed. It wasn't long now before he found you.
It was a chase. A hunt, a hound sniffing out his prey.
You and Logan had made a deal- your agreement more a joke then anything, but nonetheless- you were here, in hiding.
“If I catch you, I get to fuck you.” He smirked , flipping his pocket knife in the air, fidgeting around between his fingers like the blade was nothing. You laughed, eyeing him up suspiciously.
“You get to fuck me, hm?”
“Yeah sweetheart. Anyway that I want.”
Well you had never backed down from a challenge, especially not from him. As your boyfriend it was his job to rile you up- and to get you going. You couldnt say you minded it though.
So now you were here, a hand gently held against your mouth, as you tried to slow your heartrate down. You knew he had heard you, there was no way he hadn’t. The manor was empty, everyone gone on either summer break, a mission or were just out for the day.
It was when you and Logan could have your fun. The real fun.
Your footsteps surely echoed down the grand hallways, bouncing off the oak furnishings and dozens of old paintings hung. It was only a matter of seconds now, before he found you.
You squeezed your thighs together in anticipation, wetness coating the apex of your thighs. Your skin turned hot to the touch, heart beating so loud you could hear it rattling as if it were a fly buzzing in your ear.
Sure enough, the clack of his boots stopped at the doorway, pushing it open slowly. It creaked so loudly you winced.
“Cmere pretty, pretty girl. Come to daddy.” he chuckled, tormenting you with his slow and stead stride.
You heard an armoir open, then slam shut. He was toying with you.
“I know you're in here baby. I can smell ya.”
One, two, three, four. One, tw-
You let out a loud yelp as two large arms caged you in, sweeping you off your feet as if you were a sack of potatoes. “Caught ya.” he whispered teasingly in your ear, throwing you on the bed.
You bounced with an oof, scrambling back as he pounced on you. “Mghm Lo-“ you whined as he tore your top off with such ferociously you feared his claws would come out.
“You like running from me baby? You like the chase hmm.?” You nodded, gasping as his denium clothed knee pushed your legs apart, leaving you to grind shamelessly on his knee “Yeah, yeah I know you do. Fuckin slut.”
“F-fuck..” you stuttered as he pinned your hands above your head, letting you ride him. “Such a needy girl.” he cooed at you, mocking your moans and whimpers as he tugged down your shorts.
“She’s so needy too. Should I give her what she wants?” he asked, eyes greedily taking in the wet patch on your underwear. You clenched at the mere sound of his voice, panties dripping wet. Soaked. “Please Lo- you have to-“
“I have to what hm? I don’t think I have to do anything. You’re not in control here, princess.” You sucked in a gasp as his hand slithered down your underwear, large fingers coaxing you as they lightly brushed your clit, pinching it.
“Pretty girl.” he cooed, sliding a finger down past your folds, to pump deep inside you, curling until he hit the spot that had you seeing stars. “Stretchin ya out baby, cause you’re too tight. Always so tight f’me. I’m gonna fill you up so good, just the way you like baby. Such a tiny lil thing, you just wanna get wrecked hm?”
You were beyond flustered, muscles tensing as he picked up the pace- your toes curling. “You’re doing so good princess. But you gotta take my cock now, m’kay?”
#wolverine fic#logan howlett x you#logan howlett x reader#logan howlett smut#logan howlett imagine#logan howlett fanfiction#wolverine fanfiction#deadpool and wolverine#hugh jackman smut#hugh jackman fanfic#hugh jackman#deadpool 3#wolverine#wolverpool#wolverine smut#logan howlett#logan howlet smut#wolverine x reader
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All I’ve Ever Wanted
Season 4!Five Hargreeves x fem!reader
! Spoilers ahead !
Summary: six years of travelling to different timelines, and Five isn’t sure how much longer he can go on for. Until he stumbles upon a greenhouse, full of strawberries. And you.
Word count: 4212
A/N: so season 4 was a… thing that happened. This story is basically my own idea of how things should’ve gone in ep 5. Instead of the weird Lila/Five situation, it’s just Five, and his chance of living a normal life with someone new. Hope you all enjoy, and feedback is appreciated :)
Number Five was never one to back down from a challenge. Having been through a series of different apocalyptic events, transporting to a timeline where he spent 40 years alone, and dealing with a misfit group consisting of his exhausting siblings, Five was up for anything. But the current situation he was dealing with? For the first time in his life, he was at breaking point.
After another wasted day spending hour after hour searching for any clues or information on how to get back to the correct timeline, Five returns to the subway, entering one of the compartments and slumping down in the first chair he sees. He rubs his eyes and lets out a visceral sigh, wanting nothing more than to go to sleep. He reaches into his pockets, pulling out a small pack of dried fruits. He rips it open and devours every last piece. He can’t remember the last time he had a proper meal. He was becoming more desperate, rummaging through trash cans and foraging in bushes, hoping anything he picks isn’t poisonous.
The compartment jolts and begins to move, making its way to the next timeline. Five wipes his hands on his already dirty pants, standing up and walking slowly to the door. He wonders whether his apocalypse counterpart will be waiting for him this time.
After several minutes, and Five almost falling over from his lack of sleep, he finally arrives, the doors opening. He steps out, immediately making his way up the stairs. No time to waste. He cautiously pokes his head out, looking around for any signs of, well, himself. Before he can move out more, something wizzes past his head. A bullet. He ducks, as more shots are fired directly at him.
“Give me a fuckin’ break,” Five mumbles, as he finally takes notices of the other him in the distance.
He sticks up his middle finger, and no soon after closes his fists, blinking as quick as he possibly could.
The Five with a gun disappears along with the destroyed world around him. Five drops his arms to his sides, turning around and admiring the new environment. Luscious, greenery surrounds him, with an array of different flowers sprouting from the ground beneath him. A small pond with fish glimmers in the sunshine, lily pads floating on top. He continues turning, finding himself standing next to a tall greenhouse. The glass was slightly foggy, making it difficult to see what’s inside. Five leans in closer, squinting as if that would help. He can barely make out what appears to be pots of fruit and vegetables, some fully sprouted and others not yet ripe. His stomach rumbles, the feeling of hunger consuming him.
A rustle sounds from behind him. He turns quickly, coming face to face with a pair of shears. Five jumps back slightly. He then spots the person wielding said ‘weapon’. A young woman, probably early twenties, wearing a light yellow dress and a pair of brown sandals. Five can’t help but admire her beauty, if it wasn’t for the fact she had a face like fury and didn’t seem afraid of cutting him in half.
“Can I help you?” Her words are kind, but her harsh tone says otherwise.
Five can’t exactly tell this young woman the truth. Showing up randomly in her back yard, covered in grime, gawking at her crops through the window. He raises his hands up in the air, trying to convey that he meant no harm.
“I’m so sorry,” he says, his throat sore having not spoken to anyone in quite some time. “I don’t really know how I got here.” That’s not exactly true. “I’ve been travelling for a few days now.” Try six years. “And I could really do with a hot shower and something to eat.”
The woman doesn’t say anything, just staring, with the shears still held out in front of her.
Five puts his arms down, shrugging in defeat. “I’ll just go. I truly am sorry, I didn’t mean to freak you out.” He looks down. “Or step all over your rose garden.” He gingerly moves away from the destroyed flowers.
He turns and begins to walk away, hoping to find an exit as quick as possible. Blinking in front of this woman probably wouldn’t help his cause. A warm hand grabs hold of his wrist, forcing him to stop and look back. She has the shears loosely hanging by her side, as her eyes pierce into Five’s. She seems hesitant, words forming in her mind. At last, she speaks again.
“You’re telling the truth?”
Five nods incessantly, feeling like a child.
“And if I let you in and make you something to eat, you won’t try and kill me?”
Five holds back a laugh, knowing she’s being deadly serious. “I wouldn’t dare.”
The woman waits a beat, then huffs. “Come on, I was just about to start dinner.”
She moves past Five, walking into three greenhouse. He takes this as a sign to follow after her.
***
The young woman allows Five to use her shower, and he’s thankful for the change of clothes she provides for him too. The home is small and cosy, playing into the stereotypical cottage core of living. The lighting is soft, and the smell of pumpkin seems to waft through into every room. It’s calming, it’s peaceful, it’s something that makes Five feel on edge. He isn’t used to the domestic life, away from the terror and destruction, trying to save the world over and over. He knows he can’t stay here long, but he won’t miss the opportunity of a proper cooked meal.
After putting on the change of clothes, Five makes his way down the hall and into the kitchen, a small buffet waiting for him. He finds it hard not to drool, the potatoes and fresh pie, along with the fruit and vegetables he’d spotted earlier. It looks incredible. He takes a seat, as the woman places down a final plate of tomatoes, sitting down opposite Five.
They dish out the food, filling their plates as high as they can, especially Five. He tries not to look like a slob in front of the pretty girl, but finds it hard not to drop some things down his top. She doesn’t seem to notice, or pretends not to.
The woman takes a sip of her drink, clearing her throat. “So,” her soft voice makes Five look up from his plate. “Do you have a name or is that one of the many mysteries of the man shovelling food down his throat like he hasn’t eaten in several years?”
The woman isn’t afraid of being upfront. Five admires that. Although, it’s not surprising considering he’s a complete stranger she’s trusted in her home. He puts down his knife and fork, grabbing a napkin to wipe his mouth.
“No, I have a name. It’s Fi-,” he catches himself, unsure if his ‘name’ would just create more confusion, and unwanted questions. “Jerome. Just, Jerome.”
The woman squints her eyes, but doesn’t push further, seeming to move past his stumble. “Okay. I wouldn’t have pegged you for a Jerome.”
Five shrugs, not knowing what else to say.
“My names Y/N.”
Five nods. “Okay. We’re closer already.”
“Don’t push it,” Y/N says, a small smile gracing her face. Five can’t help but pull the same expression.
***
After a hearty dinner, and some obvious awkward silences, Five insists on helping Y/N do the washing up. The sun was beginning to set, and Five knows he’ll have to leave soon, but something stops him from doing so. He doesn’t want to admit it, but this was the most relaxed he’d felt in a long time. The fear or worry of something bad happening wasn’t there, and as he stands close to the woman he had barely met 2 hours ago, he realises what he’d been missing in his 60 something years. A place to live, with a person who makes him feel safe.
“Jerome,” the voice breaks through his thoughts, as Five almost forgets the name he’d given to this woman. “I feel like we’ve skirted around the topic enough. Is there any reason you were in the state you were in, taking refuge behind my greenhouse?”
Five places down the plate he was cleaning, turning to face her fully. Her expression is calm, and her voice shows no sign of interrogation. It’s a first for Five, as he’s become accustomed to people prodding him for information only for their own benefit. No one’s ever shown true interest in him.
He shrugs. “It’s been a tough couple of years. More than that I guess.” Fives eyes glaze over. “I haven’t seen my family in a long time, and I don’t know if I ever will. And if I do, I’m terrified of the state that I’ll find them in.”
Y/N stops what she’s doing, also turning to look at Five, a look of worry taking over her face. He knows he’s said more than he should have, but he couldn’t help it. He’s not good at sharing his feelings, and when he does, he’s scared of what will happen once the flood gates are opened. He isn’t sure if he’ll ever be able to close them.
“What d’you mean? Are they in some kind of trouble?” She asks, a slight shake in her voice. “Are you in trouble?”
Five shakes his head, not wanting to stress out this poor woman who’s been nothing but doting to him. “No! No, I just,” he sighs, knowing he’s really put his foot in it. “I just care about them, a lot. Too much. And I don’t even want to think about not seeing them again.”
A soft hand brushes against Five’s cheek, as he glances at Y/N wiping a tear away from his face. He didn’t even realise he’d started crying. He sniffles, moving away and rubbing at his eyes, fearing how red they may look. He sucks in a deep breath, calming his beating heart. Whether it’s from talking about his family, or the touch from the woman next to him, he isn’t sure. But he fears he’s overstayed his welcome.
Five moves away from the kitchen counter. “I guess I should probably go. Don’t wanna miss my train.” Although he knows they’ll always be one there waiting for him.
He heads for the door, remembering to go upstairs and collect his dirty clothes before he leaves. Footsteps are heard from behind him.
“Uh,” Five swivels back around, as Y/N hesitates over her words. “This may seem kinda forward, and a dangerous move on my part, but, I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight knowing you were out there in the middle of the night, traveling by yourself.”
Five holds his breath, not wanting to jump the gun, but already anticipating the next sentence out of her mouth.
“I have extra pillows, and blankets.” Y/N shrugs. “It’s not the most comfortable couch but I’d say it’s more comfortable than the chairs on the train.”
Neither of them speak for a while. Five ponders her offer over and over, wondering if this is something he wants to decline. He needs to get back to his family. He needs to get back to help them. But so far, every option has been a bust. He’s not sure how much longer he can go on for. It could be the apocalypse all over again. Stuck for 40 years, traveling none stop, unsure if he’ll ever see his loved ones again. Could a good nights sleep really be such a bad thing?
He thinks the risk is worth it. “As long as it’s not too much trouble for you.”
***
That one good nights sleep turned into three months, staying at Y/N’s home, crashing on her couch. It didn’t stop Five from going out, back to the subway, trying to find the possible solution to his six year problem. But the more time he spent with the woman, the less time he wanted to spend away from her. They grew closer, making meals together, gardening together, watching silly romcoms together. While Y/N taught Five how to bake, Five taught her how to fight. A young woman living by herself? It didn’t hurt knowing some basic defence skills.
Five didn’t want to admit it, but his family hadn’t crossed his mind as often as it usually did before he met Y/N. He’d become soft, wanting to be around her all the time, not wanting to visit the subway as often as he should be. He’s lucky enough to call her a friend. He hopes she calls him that too.
***
It’s late, and Y/N is sat on the couch, crocheting a few pairs of gloves and a long overdue jumper. People used to make fun of her for it, calling her an old lady, but she finds it soothing. And making your own clothes is a big bonus too. Five, or Jerome as she knew him, had been out most of the day. She never questioned what he was up to, only that he returned safe, ready for whatever she’d cooked up for him during the day. She wasn’t completely naive in thinking ‘Jerome’ has involved himself in shady business. But unless he plans on telling her, then she won’t bother pushing him on the matter.
A bang echos from the back of the house, specifically inside the geeenhouse. It makes Y/N jump up from her seated position, quickly rushing out to the source of the noise. It can only be one person, or that’s what she hopes. Either way, she grabs for her shears before entering the warm glass room.
“Jerome?” She whispers, watching her step, the only light in the room coming from the moon through the windows.
A muffled groaning reaches her ears, as Y/N blindly moves her hands over the walls, trying to find the light switch. She finally does, and flicks it on. A sharp gasp comes out of her mouth, as the brightness finally reveals her new friend curled in a ball on the floor, rolling in pain.
“Shit.”
She quickly makes her way over to him, delicately wrapping her arms around his waist and slowly helping him off the floor. He stumbles, knocking into a few pots, almost making them fall off the table.
“Sorry,” he mumbles, the word slurring under his breath.
“Don’t apologise,” she says, making sure he’s steady on his feet. “Let’s just get you inside and onto the couch.”
They make their way through into the living room, Five dropping haphazardly onto the soft cushions, while Y/N finally gets a proper look at him. His clothes are ripped, the once pristine suit (one she bought for him as a gift) now in tatters. His hair is sticking up in all different directions, and he’s clutching to his side like his life depends on it. She reaches for his arm, prying it away to reveal an array of bullet wounds, still bleeding.
“You should see the other guy,” Five jokes, tilting his head back and trying to forget about the burning pain running across his body. Funnily enough, if Y/N saw the other guy, he’d look exactly like him, considering this all happened due to an unfortunate run in with apocalypse Five.
Y/N stares at him with wide eyes. “Really? Look, I don’t bother asking where you go or what you’re up to when you leave this house, but I think now’s the time you tell me the truth.”
Five moves his head back down, looking her in the eyes. She’s terrified. And he hates that. He breathes in deep, taking her hand in his.
“If you can help me patch this shit up,” he briefly motions to his wounds, “then I’ll tell you who I really am.”
So that’s what they do. Y/N retrieves the first aid kit from her bathroom, while Five opens up about his life before he met her, and how he’s not from this timeline. He isn’t sure if she’s believing what he says, as she remains quiet the entire time, only occasionally looking up at him and quickly returning to removing the bullets lodged in his side. But she listens. And allows him to pour his heart out to her.
“The past six years were torture. Somehow worse than the forty I spent in the apocalypse.” Five turns his head and stares at the woman next to him, as she finishes up her work. “But these last few months with you. I could finally be normal. I could live a life most guys would kill to have. And I’m so sorry I lied to you this long.”
They fall into silence, the pair somehow closer together than they were a few minutes ago. Both emotionally, and physically. Y/N moves her hand and takes his, squeezing tightly. Five’s heartbeat picks up speed, only now noticing their close proximity.
“So your real name is ‘Five’?” He nods at her words. She nods back. “Hmm. It suits you a lot better than Jerome.”
They both laugh half heartedly, as they stare deeply into each other’s eyes. She moves her hand up to his hair, moving it out of his face, trying to calm it down slightly.
She carries on talking. “I can’t even begin to imagine what you’ve been through.” Five rolls his eyes. She doesn’t even know the half of it. “But if I can be the person to keep you grounded, for however long you’re here for, then I’m happy to do just that.”
Five smiles, glancing quickly at her lips.
She does the same. “And I hope you’re here for a long time.”
They both lean in, softly pressing their lips against each other’s. Five cups her face, deepening the kiss as Y/N rests her arms atop his shoulders. They move in sync, careful not to cause any more damage to Five’s wounds, as she somehow moves closer, one of her legs wrapping itself around his waist.
They don’t stop, clothes discarded, bodies intertwined, as their growing tension is finally broken. Five isn’t sure if he’ll ever get back to his timeline, but for now, he’s happy to call this place home.
***
Another four months, and still no sign of a way back. Although, Five can’t deny he hasn’t been trying as hard as usual. The peace and tranquillity has consumed him whole, falling into a proper routine with the woman he…
Is it love? Could he truly fall for someone like this? Someone who isn’t involved in the shit show he’s grown accustomed to? Someone who wants that quiet life, watering flowers and baking pies, with him? Maybe it’s what he needs.
Five stands in the greenhouse, picking some fresh strawberries, and trying a few to see if they were ripe. He’s already found the perfect recipe to use them in. Something he knows she’ll love.
As if reading his thoughts, a pair of arms slip around his waist. Y/N rests her chin on his shoulder, peaking over to see the basket full of fresh fruit. She picks one up, moving away and popping it in her mouth. Five turns and looks at her, smiling wide.
“They taste perfect,” she says.
Five takes her wrists, pulling her towards him and kissing her lightly. “So do you.”
She laughs, holding him close and breathing him in. “The cheesy lines don’t work on me, bub.”
“I think they do.” He mumbles, bringing her in for another kiss, sliding his hands up and down her back.
They stay like this for a while, holding each other in the warm glass room. The sun starts to set, as Five looks out and realises what time it is.
“Damn.”
She looks at him, confusion on her face. “What’s up?”
He shakes his head. “Nothing, I just need to do a double check of the subway before dinner.”
Y/N tries not to show her anxiousness, but some of it seeps through. After Five explained to her what the subway is and why he goes there every day, she’s terrified at the thought of him leaving and never coming back. But she knows he wouldn’t do that to her. Not without saying goodbye.
She steps back. “Right. Promise you’ll be safe?”
He kisses her on the cheek. “I promise.”
***
Five spends some time looking around the platform in the subway, checking the lights, checking the maps, even poking his head into the tunnels to see if anything has changed. But nothing. It all remains the same. No sign of his past life waiting for him. Was that such a bad thing?
Holding a small flashlight, he shines it up and down, left and right, hoping his eyes will catch something new. A sudden pop from above startles him, the grip he had on the flashlight loosening. It falls and rolls onto the tracks. Five looks up, noticing one of the bulbs now flickering. He huffs, moving to the edge of the platform and jumping down. He retrieves the flashlight, hitting it a few times to try and get it to work again. It comes to life, flashing in front of him. That’s when he spots something.
“That’s new.”
Five walks over, grabbing the mystery object and holding it up. It’s a plain notepad. He flips it open, scanning over the messy handwriting inside. His messy handwriting. He can’t help but let out a tiny gasp, as he figures out what it all means.
“This is it.” Tears form in his eyes. “This is my way back home.”
He’s shocked. He’s elated. He’s emotionally drained. This is his chance to rejoin his timeline. To see his family after so long. To fix the mess they’ve created. But all he can think about in this moment is Y/N. How the hell is he supposed to break the news to her?
***
After another hour spent pondering this new found information, Five slowly makes his way back home. His home. Where the life he’d built was waiting for him.
He enters the house and walks into the kitchen, where Y/N stands by the stove, boiling something sweet and caramelly. Five just stares at her; humming a random tune, wiping her messy hands on the apron he bought for her when her old one accidentally caught fire. That was the most stress he’d felt since coming here. And if that was the only stress he had to deal with, he’d take it every single day.
She finally turns and spots him, smiling wide. “Oh hey! I was worried for a sec, you were taking longer than expected.”
She moves closer to him, pulling him into a tight embrace. He holds her, not wanting to let go. Y/N can tell something isn’t right.
She leans back. “You okay?”
Five doesn’t reply, only holding the notepad out for her to take. She does so, flipping through the pages just like he did, her expression perplexed.
“I don’t understand-”
“It’s the way back to my timeline.”
She looks up at him, mouth slightly open, as her words fall short. Five can swear he hears her heartbeat speed up, as her breathing becomes erratic. Five isn’t sure what to do, waiting for an explosion of emotions to rain down on him. But nothing comes. Neither of them do or say anything.
Five chooses to break the silence. “I don’t wanna lose you. I can’t. I don’t think I could live the way I used to live. Not after living this life with you.”
Y/N bites her lip, suppressing a sob. “You have to go.”
Five furrows his brow, hoping he heard her wrong. He tilts her head up to stare into her eyes, seeing the tears forming.
“No,” he whispers. “You’ve become the most important thing in my life. The thought of never seeing you again, I can’t do that.”
A tear falls down her cheek, as Five reaches out to wipe it away.
“I’d love nothing more than to stay in this little bubble we’ve created,” she replies, finding it hard to keep her voice steady. “But your family, your timeline, all those people? They need you more than I do. And I know deep down, you can’t bear the thought of letting them die, knowing you could’ve helped.”
Five wants to ask her to come with him. Become apart of his family. He knows she’d get on with them all. And they’d all love her, possibly more than they love him. But he knows it’s cruel to ask her to leave her life behind. The house, the garden, the home that she’s worked so hard on. And the thought of throwing her into the thick of it all. Putting her at danger? No chance.
He pulls her into his embrace, kissing her hard. They hold each other tight, their lips bruising as neither of them can stop the tears from falling.
Y/N is the first to pull away. “If you ever get the chance to come back to this timeline, you know where to find me.”
Five smiles, not wanting to let her go. He kisses her once more. “In the greenhouse, tasting just as sweet as the strawberries.”
#the umbrella academy#number five#five hargreeves x reader#x reader#five hargreeves#tua s4#tua s4 spoilers
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