#took the picture this morning and he’s still chilling there ftr

[march-of-the-moths]

Trent Reznor in 1994 : just finished recording the second nine inch nails studio album but I have no idea what the cover for it would possibly look like

the elusive Erannis defoliaria :

[nicomacheannothing]

My birthday textwall...

Well, my birthday was yesterday. Unfortunately, it was also sort of one of those days. It wasn’t all bad, but having an off day on your birthday does suck a bit.  😓 

I overslept. That’s kind of what kicked off the unfortunate-ness. I didn't oversleep by too much, I was still out the door on time, but it was enough to make me rush around. When Austin texted me to let me know he was on his way to pick me up, I wasn’t even dressed yet. I had to take the dog with me too, so it was a mad dash to get everything together. Not the end of the world, just irritating. As I ran out the door though, I walked past the kitchen and noticed what looked like an unexpected cake sitting on the table... I didn’t have time to check it out, but this will become relevant later.  So I have the dog and I’m rushing out to Austin’s car and I find out that he overslept too. Like REALLY overslept: he was out of bed and out the door in 15 minutes. He was going to be editing with a client yesterday and had to be on time. He was frazzled as heck. When we got to work, he immediately got started on what he had to do. I was still a little frazzled too, but I figured that a rough morning was just a momentary blip and that things were bound to get better. I was wrong... Context: Alanis Morissette is going on that 25th Anniversary tour next year; everyone is talking about it haha. Austin’s mom, Leslye, is a huge Alanis Morissette fan and I mentioned to Austin that getting her tickets to the show in Detroit would make a good Christmas gift. Austin thought it would be cool to go as well, along with Mady and Julius, if they were interested. Ok. We decided to just talk to Leslye about it rather than making the tickets a gift. 6 people going to a concert requires planning. Presale tickets became available yesterday, so Austin and I talked to Leslye the night before to figure out how much she wanted to spend, etc. We wanted to know exactly what we were doing because we planned to snap up the tickets as soon as they went on sale at 11am. 

Like I said, Austin was going to be editing with a client at that time. I asked him if he wanted me to buy the tickets so that he wouldn’t have to stop in the middle of the edit. He said “no, I think I can do it. [Client] should understand”. I swear that’s exactly what he said. Austin is really picky about his entertainment experiences anyway, so I figured he’d want to pick the seats, etc. Once that conversation was over, I just stopped thinking about the tickets... Then, at noon yesterday, Austin runs into my office from the edit, freaking out. He said that he totally forgot about the tickets and that he meant to set an alarm to remind him, but he forgot to do that too. Then, he started barking at me saying “This shouldn’t have been on me, this shouldn’t have been on me!” implying that I had somehow unfairly saddled him with the responsibility of buying the tickets. I felt terrible. I was half hurt that he was yelling at me and half guilty that I didn’t just set my own reminder anyway in case he forgot. But he told me he could do it! Idk, I just felt like I had let him down in some way... 

We didn’t end up getting presale tickets. The actual sale starts in a couple days, so we might still be able to go. We looked at pictures of the venue, and the general admission lawn might not be so bad. The client we were working with might even have a connection that can help us... but Austin was so upset I really couldn't forget about it for the rest of the day... 😢 The ticket drama cut into our lunch break and so we were only able to grab McDonald's. The client wanted to eat with us. She’s nice, but she chews with her mouth open and she’s a Trump supporter. She kept saying weird things during lunch like throwing shade at people who are pale and/or skinny? And then she kept talking about how Trump was a hero for coming in and “draining the swamp”. Of course, I just had to smile and nod cause she’s a client. That, and she kept saying weird things like that and then offering to do really nice things like inviting Austin and I to use her cottage in the summer if we wanted a vacation? It was a very emotionally confusing time. 😕 The rest of the workday went by normally. I went back to Austin’s house, put on my new Killstar dress to get ready to go out. Austin got me a small gift: a little Kylo Ren lego guy and an electronic hand warmer, which was very thoughtful. It really seemed like things were going to get better.  BUT IT’S TIME FOR MORE CONTEXT! I think I mentioned in a previous post that my brother wasn’t going to make it home my birthday week.  He won’t be able to make it home at all until the 23rd, so my parents and I decided that we would just do birthday stuff without him. Tuesday (my actual birthday) is a really rough workday for my mom and she often isn’t even home until late, so we decided that we would go out to dinner and do cake and presents on Saturday. This was also going to work out because Leslye and Jerry wanted to take me to lunch, but couldn’t because of the client edit. They decided to take me to dinner instead. I double-checked with my dad Monday night to make sure that Saturday was still the day we were planning on doing birthday stuff. He said that was fine.  Before going to dinner with Austin and his parents, we had to swing by my house to drop off the dog. When I got there, my mom was unexpectedly home.  Crap, I felt bad that she was there and I was about to go to dinner without them. I thought about inviting them last minute, but they were already eating pizza when I got home. Crap! When I walked in, my mom asked if I had seen the cake. Um, no? We always do cake and presents together for birthday celebrations in my family. We have since I was born. Since we were celebrating on Saturday, I wasn’t expecting a cake on Tuesday. But my parents got one. A full-sized, fully decorated cake that I knew I would have no time to eat. That, and it wouldn’t be good on Saturday. If we wanted to celebrate normally on Saturday, my parents would have to get another one. We always but a particular type of cake from a local bakery and it’s delicious but expensive. There was no way I was going to be able to finish this one. It was really cute too, decorated with little dogs and cats. And like... Austin was waiting in the car for me as I stood there in the kitchen, so I felt like, not only was I running out on my parents, but I couldn’t even properly show appreciation for the cake and card that they got me. I felt so devastatingly terrible and confused. I didn’t know what to do. I just started feeling worse and worse knowing that Austin was waiting for me while I tried to figure out whether or not to just take the cake with me or leave it at home or what? I left the kitchen and went into the bathroom. I almost had a panic attack, but didn’t. I decided to just suck up my feelings and I took the cake with me. It needed to be refrigerated, but it was cold outside, so it would be ok to leave it in the car while we were at dinner. I cried in the car all the way to the restaurant because I felt horrible like I screwed everything up.  Dinner was ok. The food was REALLY good. We went to HopCat, so I got to have some good beer and their super awesome fries. I wanted to try to suck up my feelings again and just let things get better. Then, I was a little cold, so I put my jacket on. Austin asked me if I was cold and if I had brought the hand warmer he got me with me. I told him that it was at home with my bags. I was rushing out and it was still wrapped anyway! Plus, my shoulders were cold, not my hands. It didn’t matter though, he got all annoyed and I just started to feel horrible all over again. I really just felt like I was screwing up everything for everyone no matter how hard I tried.  Austin and I went back to his house after dinner... but I just felt like shit. I really, really wanted to just force myself to be happy, but I couldn’t. Austin and I just laid down on the floor of his living room and I grabbed some leftover punch that his mom had made for the party. I just drank some of it out of a mason jar and we listened to The National. That was the best part of the day, tbh. I realized that that was all I really wanted to do, just drink and talk and hang out. I really wish that Mady, Julius, and Shelby had been in town so maybe we could have just gone out and chilled. 😕

Austin and I also put his Christmas tree up! That was good too, even though I wasn’t exactly in the mood. We did it differently this year and used ornaments that Austin had received as gifts every Christmas since he was born. It was cool to see them all, especially the ornaments that he made himself as a kid. We ate some cake as well, ftr. 😋

So yeah, I guess everything turned out ok, but it was a pretty unfortunate day overall. I don’t really even feel like I had a Birthday. I guess they can’t all be happy. *shrug* I’m still kind of sad, but I’m trying to focus on the positive stuff. It was nice of my parents to get me a cake and dinner was good. I do really like Austin’s presents. And he got me tickets to see Star Wars when it comes out! Plus, I still have dinner with my folks on Saturday. Maybe the actual fun parts of my birthday are just going to be uhhh stretched out a bit. 😅And I have Christmas to look forward to. That’s what I’m going to go with.  Sorry about the text wall, just had to get all this off my chest. I have more t write about for sure, but that’ll be for tomorrow. Back to work for now!